#maybe it’ll never end

[borntochasethewind]

I am Torn.

Frayed.

Used like an old rope

That used to be a tire swing.

I can reflect back to my childhood,

See the wear and tear,

But I can’t pinpoint where it finally broke.

~ some memories are best left unremembered.

#bpd #heartbreak #trauma #cptsd #emotionally exhausted #maybe it’ll never end #poetry #is this even poetry? #unbelieved #torn #frayed #free word poetry

[fore-seer]

it occurs to me ive never finished a real playthrough of awakening that wasn’t like. for the support log or constructing a main file where i cap everyone’s stats and break the game. i’ll admit all the grinding was kinda fun for me but i’m very excited to experience this game without doing all that

#like. ive never played endgame without a completely busted team. so i have no idea how hard it’s actually supposed to be #i will not be putting robin into sorcerer bc thats boring #i WILL be putting owain into mage/sage and letting him and morgan and lon’qu!laurent game with magic vantage. #no one except for sumia and cynthia (and cordelia if i use her) will be getting galeforce bc honestly im bored of it #as much as i love swordmaster i might also run wyvern lon’qu again bc i had a good time with it in my main file #and i never use cherche anyway so it’ll be good to have another flier especially if i end up dropping cordelia for the valm arc #(which i usually do bc honestly i just don’t like her quite as much as i do a lot of the other shepherds) #(i love all of them but just. some of them less so) #maybe ill put sully into wyvern too while im at it. we’re getting silly with it. her bulk in the cav line is hard to resist though #i don’t run many tanks so it is VERY important that sully can take a hit #its gonna be FUNNNNN (<- girl who will have no time to actually play before needing to return to fates battle points hell) #tactician's log #awakening #eva plays awakening

[hgduo]

😵‍💫

#adding the animations back to the model I’m using in the qsmpblr server #I’m probably not doing it very efficiently but I think I’m starting to get the hang of things #it’ll be so worth it in the end… hopefully- maybe I’ll even add more animations if I feel up to it #this isn’t my model btw I bought it- it’s naturepets: sprout Rex version #but the animations didn’t transfer into the character program so that’s why I’m manually adding them #I’ve never worked with 3D models before like this but it’s pretty neat! #… but also stressful lol #also bonus Atlas in this photo ^_^

[pendinganchor]

(before the post starts: to everyone who follows me for stranger things i’m sorry you have to deal with my random adventures into other fandoms — this is for the marauders fandom so if you don’t care about that feel free to scroll 💞 and also as always fuck jkr)

me: this fic is going to be so fucking full of angst and jealousy and toxicity with rosekiller endgame

also me:

It’s silent for a moment— Barty convinced the Gryffindor’s eyes could bore into his soul if he let him stare long enough. “You’ve never needed to simply feel something, Potter?”

-

[Barty] lowered his voice, a hand almost absently reaching up to the other boy’s face. His middle finger ran down his jawline. “What does [Regulus] see in you?”

“What-?”

“He’s never looked at me the way he looks at you. What are you doing that I wasn’t?”

-

“I can move. Do you want-“

“No, stay.” James laid back down. It was dark, but Barty reached up anyway. His hand started in James’ hair then ran down to his cheek. His middle finger traced his jaw again— like it had that night on the tower. “I can see what he sees in you now.”

me in some tags AFTER i wrote the stuff above:

BRO OPEN YOUR FUCKING EYES YOU SHIP IT AND THIS IS HAPPENING

#i drafted this at like 2:30am lmao #enjoy the chaos #HOW IS THAT PLATONIC KARSON HOW #also james is very much dating regulus during all of this and barry knows that #barty* if my phone doesn’t stop autocorrecting barty to barry i will set it on fire #this was completely an accident #but at this point it would make no sense to not have darksun endgame #more specifically it’ll be starkillerchaser #at least i think that’s the ship name for regulus x barty x james #barty is deeply disturbed in this fic because evan started playing games when he was tired of barty’s games #he can dish it but he can’t take it yk #i was about to say evan might be ooc in this but like canonically we have nothing so i can make him act however i want #but like i’m not making him the bad guy #just two dudes who don’t know how to healthily communicate their feelings then everything gets jumbled up #maybe i’ll change my mind and have james be like ‘barty you’re latching onto me because i helped you’ #and rosekiller does end up being endgame #who knows man i just go with the flow because the characters never wanna follow my outlines #if you see this and read all these tags lmk your opinion on what i should do #can’t guarantee i’ll commit but i’d like the input #darksun #barty crouch jr #james fleamont potter #wizarding world #userkarson #karson writes things sometimes

[chibishortdeath]

So much happening in the world and in my personal life at once and I am completely unable to do anything about any of it. I am completely exhausted. I need to move out, but I can’t.

I’ve been stuck with a headache for a few months.

#text post #vent post #tw vent #cw vent #I’d say delete later but I don’t ever actually do that anyway #maybe I should go through vents and delete them Al #tbh I’m starting to realize that maybe never being allowed to do anything and never being taught how to do anything as a kid was neglect #it probably also wasn’t normal that I tried to be the ‘easy kid’ and avoid any perceived trouble as much as physically possible #I usually just sit in the furthest part of the house dissociate and try to immediately appear fine if anyone walks in and sees me #idk maybe I should just make that super self indulgent Simon’s Quest comic since it’ll probably be practically vent art anyway #he’s a little bit too relatable for comfort #and man I didn’t even fight Dracula to end up messed up how lame smh 😔 #I feel like I would just end up feeling guilty that I’m not doing something else more important though #most of the things I can do right now I can’t without guilt that stops me somewhere through #and that includes trying to rest haha yippie :/ #I can’t even draw the blorbo dead about it like it’s past that level of bad #I guess I shouldn’t even suggest doing anything I can’t do too #I don’t even wanna look at my instagram rn I can’t fix any of that either #idk if I should go into any details or not but I literally just can’t change anything #and I know I can’t get better unless I leave but I can’t leave and there’s nowhere to go #even places online are starting to become uninhabitable #we truly live in a time :/ #I’m just typing anything I think of as I think of it #tldr ​I am a terrible person who can’t get better because I’m stuck in a terrible situation and everything sucks basically #i’m exhausted #i feel so trapped #it feels like I have no autonomy or effect on the world at all #ugh I’m not explaining anything correctly enough anyway #I guess supper is almost ready and I should stop ranting at nothing #I’m basically just here to try to make it to 29 at least for the silly Simon game reference haha that is so pathetic

[ribbonmiku]

oh with my 26th birthday coming up its about to be the 10 year anniversary of the best part of my life coming to a crashing end. huh. huh.

#i guess you could say it’s a traumaversary but it’s not like it was One event #it was the start of a trauma cycle #that i guess only just recently ended. maybe #idk it’s been over a year since the last incident #which is the best streak we’ve had since the first one in 2013 #with addiction like this it’ll never REALLY be over #but maybe it being a cyclical reoccuring trauma is over #we’ll see if we can make it through the fall #fall and october specifically is the biggest worry time #txt #vent //

[bunn13z]

can’t sleep because i’m back on my “i am unlovable and something is wrong with me because everyone i ever date ends up leaving after leading me on or having sex with me” thoughts. like i just feel so fucking used all the time. i just am so tired of falling for people who go and break me again. maybe i am gullible and naive for this to keep happening to me… or maybe i deserve it…

i just so badly want someone to like me

#crying in bed #what did i do to deserve this #i am only 21 but i so badly want to give up on the idea of ever finding love #maybe then i will just feel lonely and not broken #like we haven’t talked since they ended things at the beginning of the month #but i just keep going back to how happy i was with them #it was the first time i felt like someone respected me and was treating me right #and now i’m back to hating myself #ALL BECAUSE THEY LIKED MY TWEET #like i don’t know how to heal from this #because everytime i do the cycle repeats itself #and i know i’m going to get messages telling me that i’m wrong and that it’ll be better one day #but at this point i doubt it #i grew up thinking i would never have a happy ending as a queer person #and maybe i was right #maybe the media i consumed showing every queer couple dying or breaking up was right #i am just destined to be alone

[thebumblecee]

🙃

#i am so so so nervous about dropping this chapter tonight #the amount of I’ve Never Seen John Wick comments we go was asdfghjkl #people are going to think we’ve lost our minds sksks #i hope they bear with us and not give up #it’ll all make sense in the end I guess ??? #maybe 😭 #cee speaks #writing

[realiv0]

Source:

#is it just me or does it look like Nauseda kissed Ze on the cheek at the end? #or maybe on the neck? #also #we can hardly see his face but Ze looks really emotional here #stefanchuk looks proud and happy too #Nauseda was there when Ze said to Duda that they might never see each other again #I wonder what Ze said to him #because he probably did say something #why would he only say something to duda but not nauseda - wouldn’t make sense imo #these people know that Ze is *still* in great danger #it’ll never go away actually #so every day every hour every moment is a gift #I get emotional here and I haven’t even met this guy or anything #I can’t imagine what it must be like for these people - his friends family etc #volodymyr zelenskyy #volodymyr zelensky #gitanas nausėda

[symp-honey]

don’t know what to do about this blog. my life has been a shitshow this last half year with no end in sight and I can’t write like this

#another smaller issue is my self-esteem when it comes to writing #I started this blog w the intent to: #share my writing w people #build a community #get even small amounts of validation for and help w my craft #at the end of the day none of that actually happened #it’s not anyone’s fault except my own I guess #having way too high of expectations for myself and never reaching them #that’s nothing new #but boy has it absolutely killed my spirit to write #so yeah #long story short idk when I’ll write again #I don’t have any hope that it’ll be sooner than later #so like… maybe it’s best to just delete this whole blog? #I really have no idea

[moonlightaugust]

I want a drum set!!!

#i had one before but it took up way too much room and it was kinda shitty #the fuckin pedal was horrible it kept moving around and like…not producing sound sometimes #i wanna get a better one once I get employed but I’m scared that I’ll never use it #but at the same time…drums are a hobby that I never stop thinking about so maybe it’ll be worth the money #i hope my adhd ass doesn’t just start playing them for a few weeks then abandon em because I’ve moved on #or I lose motivation for them #ughhhh #idk I at least wanna try #anyways end of rant LOL

[actualtree]

Oh god oh fuck I just realized I have not put in one single bathroom on my factory map for D&D

#two floors. no bathroom. it is NOT OSHA approved #begging and pleading for a forgiving world where no one points this out mid game bc I have no smart exclamation #what do I say. this is before OSHA? it isn’t relevant? the Bathroom only appears to those that need it most? #due to an accident it’s a portal to the never ending bathroom universe? #man. I don’t know #i can’t start adding them or it’ll be pointed out 😫 #i can’t do this my friend who also dms already gets roasted for the No cubicle bathroom in a map they made #i am drowning. there is no sign of land #maybe I’ll just say they’re so toxic that they’re uninhabitable #yeah #nasty

[goldkirk]

instead of not just looking it up for no apparent reason, when I once again just a few minutes ago wondered about it for the hundredth time this year,

today I learned how you tell baby blackberries and raspberries apart

#proud of me good job balanced common sense me that’s still in here somewhere #good job me #proud of whatever the fuck survival mode only part is running things rn #you’ve been going for a LONG time with no break and almost never help and that’s gotta be so #so tiring and exhausting and scary #i bet you feel like it’s all draining and it’s all hard without ever getting easy and being alone in the driver seat with no assistance #is just how it’ll be forever now and it’s never going to end or change #that’s a lot huh? #it’s gotta be so hard #you must be so tired and so scared #and maybe you’re white-knuckling the controls and all tasks because you can’t trust some other mode to not lose grip and mess up stuff #you may not be the MOST functional and things may not get better under your driving but if you’re the only one doing things at least you #can know that no one else can make them WORSE and so it may not get better bc you don’t have the energy for that #but it won’t get to total crisis mode red alarm time either and you’re guaranteed MINIMUM SAFE #the world will not end and you won’t fail and wreck everyone #that’s so hard and must take so so much work and I’m so proud of how all this doing is from you! #of course you’d be scared to let go of the control a little bit. that makes sense. it’s only gone bad in the past or been good for a while #and then sudden-crashed into bad again huh? #that would be so hard #i don’t want you to loosen control suddenly #or before you’re ready. ever. #I’m sorry for each of the many times I’ve tried to force you before. That was wrong and I’m going to work hard to never do it again. #so I don’t want you to let go much #but I do want to point out that—did you notice that even so scared and even this locked in with no memory of how to even share the controls #you actually managed a couple times in the last few days to let another mode option actually reach in and make a little influence? #you did that all by yourself. letting little possibilities of other options in. you did that without even realizing it #and you’re doing a lot better and are a lot less hopeless stuck and broken than you believe you are right now. #I’m unbelievably proud of you for letting those other tiny modes in #that’s SO much progress. #you’re good. and you’re doing good. and I’m proud of you. and grateful.

[munamania]

literally in tears just bc we’re not having a movie night together girl get a grip. also it’d be nice to just have plans but i wouldn’t even really want to be like Out Partying i just wish i had ppl to like. chill with. whatever. criminal i can’t be hanging out in your living rooms rn everyone

#film girl saga #very convinced we’re going back to the days where we don’t talk outside of class #except now we barely even talk in class and it feels weird. so that’s awesome #and i already brought it up so like. it just kinda feels like over now. i mean ‘what’ feels over my hope??? idk. #just this stupid little bubble of time where we were talking so much and actually hanging out and i was like holy shit #like hi abby from march can u imagine. idk. #so whatever probably just not talking to her anymore and then this semester will end and i won’t even see her once a week #and we’ll just stop talking forever. and she’ll live happily forever after with her gay boyfriend #and i hate that i feel like she’s lying to me i just feel like she’s lying to avoid me. i’m sure she’ll be hanging out with her roommates or #Him or something tn but she won’t extend the invitation back to me. maybe i’m being too judgy and she is just going home to chill #who cares. whatever. #like it doesn’t matter but it hurts and it’s stupid because. like. huh??? #why is it so WEIRD to just ask about hanging out???? whatever!!!! #do i have ulterior motives ultimately yeah. am i making that obvious or pushing it in any way #no i don’t think so. i haven’t been the one saying insane shit generally. #but also what if im just like misreading all that stupid stuff and it never really meant anything #and i just got caught in wishful thinking and vibes and hopes and whatever #and exaggerated everything. idk. #well regardless whatever we gotta pull thru for ourself huh abby. it’ll be ok