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borntochasethewind · 13 hours
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If life can remove people you never dreamt of losing, it can replace them with someone you never dreamt of having.
-@lipikkawrites
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borntochasethewind · 13 days
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borntochasethewind · 1 month
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The anguish i felt,
finally realizing that you couldn’t love me they way i needed.
it felt as if someone had stuck a red hot iron
in my stomach, creating this big black hole.
this void follows me everywhere,
threatening to collapse me at any moment
just like an old building that needs to be felled.
All i can do is hold myself tightly,
not letting the lose pieces slip from my grasp.
some days it’s easier, i can breathe around the hole and smile.
most other days i’m in agony,
desperately clawing at the edges, trying to pull myself back together.
all i’m left with is bloodied fingernails, and less energy than i had to begin with.
I like to hope that maybe the hole will close, with time.
but the bigger part of me isn’t convinced that it’s possible.
~time will tell
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borntochasethewind · 2 months
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I don’t know what is worse
loving someone an ocean away,
who doesn’t want a relationship, but is the kindest, sweetest soul you’ve ever met
or loving someone close,
but they don’t want to love you the right way.
This empty hole in my chest throbs at the thought.
I left the man who couldn’t change,
But he took parts of me.
Now the man I fell for across the sea
is dating someone else.
But still wants me to be his best friend
that he flirts with on the side.
Am i not worth being loved the way i need to be?
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borntochasethewind · 2 months
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I sit in the bathtub
refilling the tub over and over
craving the heat, needing it.
my body hurts for your touch, aches.
the water is the only thing that soothes the burns
your fingers left on me.
water trickles down, slowly pooling on the floor.
i hear it, but my body doesn’t react.
i listen, mind numb, as the water starts streaming down
and all i can think about is
how much i poured into you when you were already full.
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borntochasethewind · 6 months
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The cold October rain beckons me and my fiery heart.
Come, my sweet girl. You have had your time in the sun. Let me cool the heat he left behind. Let me cleanse the scorches from within. I will slow the pace of love for you. Stop, if you’d like. Harden under my touch, once again. Give your chest room to breathe. I am here. I am waiting. Howling for you in the wind.
I know I must answer soon. I know it is the only call I will receive.
-(a.e.) // October
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borntochasethewind · 7 months
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borntochasethewind · 9 months
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To love life even when you have no stomach for it as they say!
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borntochasethewind · 11 months
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I pick, and I pick and I pick
At the scab on my heart
Knowing full well that it will never heal
If I continue to keep tugging,
To keep ripping and tearing the skin until it bleeds
I’ll become more undone than I’ve been before.
~it’s like pulling that string that hangs off your shirt
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borntochasethewind · 11 months
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borntochasethewind · 11 months
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I am Torn.
Frayed.
Used like an old rope
That used to be a tire swing.
I can reflect back to my childhood,
See the wear and tear,
But I can’t pinpoint where it finally broke.
~ some memories are best left unremembered.
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borntochasethewind · 1 year
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I miss our good moments.
The moments where you would look into my eyes,
Hold me and call me beautiful.
The moments where we would laugh until 3 am,
Making cookies to sneak downstairs.
Those moments were worth the months of crying,
The ache in my chest, and the hurt you caused.
All because of those golden moments,
I held you back.
I caressed you and kissed every inch of your skin,
Praising you, loving you.
I’d let you do it all again, just for you to say
I love you
One last time.
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borntochasethewind · 2 years
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I love the man I was in love with for the past 3 years
He made me so happy
Even when he manipulated and gaslit me
It felt like he did it because he cared
He hurt me because he loved me.
The cycle, causing trauma over and over
I was addicted.
Even now, I can’t seem to stick to never talking to him again
Some days I’ll ask him to come over.
Sometimes he does.
We’re not friends with benefits, but the benefits are there.
Some nights it’s hard to not crave his greedy fingers.
To crave the feeling of being wanted.
He promises change, but I refuse to get back in an official relationship.
I don’t know how to properly let him go
Every time I try I reach back out because I am scared of being alone.
I miss him. I need him. I crave his touch.
I hate him. I want him to leave me alone, never talk to me again.
I don’t know what to do anymore.
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borntochasethewind · 2 years
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I feel as if I am the best fake.
I fake my mental illnesses
I fake my sadness,
Because how could someone like me be sad?
How could someone like me
Piss away so many opportunities.
I’m just lazy.
I cry because I’m too sensitive, not because I’m on a dozen different meds.
I scream and cry myself hoarse for fun, right?
I punch myself when I’m angry
But not in a mentally ill way, no.
I’m just a privileged girl with too much time in her hands.
I push everyone I know and love away because I know they don’t deserve to be around someone as horrible as me.
Yet, no matter how much I struggle I always feel as if I am faking everything.
As if I’ve been actively choosing to be this way.
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borntochasethewind · 2 years
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Please, I can’t take it any more.
You said it would stop any day now…
It’s been 12 years.
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borntochasethewind · 2 years
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Lull me back
Into my deep slumber.
I am too tired to be awake much longer.
So please,
Tuck me in. Wrap me in warmth,
And sing to me
Until my eyelids flutter closed.
~ Trust like this is hard.
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borntochasethewind · 2 years
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It’s getting bad again.
I’m so tired of this endless cycle
Why am I not allowed to be happy????
Why am I not able to BE LOVED
The way I want to?!?!
WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS.
Please, I’m begging.
Give me something …
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