#maybe i should just go to bed instead.

[skyloftian-nutcase]

I want to take a 100 year nap, Wild, move over.

#ok maybe 100 years is a little excessice #I’ll do a 7 year nap instead #*shoves Time aside* IT’S MY TURN TO SLEEP IN THE SACRED REALM #UUGGGHHH #my body can’t figure out when it wants to sleep #Tired at 4am? Sweet let’s go to bed around 5 that’s cool #oh but we’re gonna wake up at 8 #and now you can’t go back to sleep #But you can still be tired as a treat :) #thanks body love that for me #my days off my days off and I get to spend them exhausted #I’m just grumbling I’m sure I’ll take a nap in the afternoon or something #I should go walking in the woods while it’s pretty and shut up #now I’m craving sleepy snuggle fics #WOW I need to shut up LOL #random rambles

[ronithesnail]

Season one “i forgive you” season two “i forgive you” wouldnt it be crazy if he’s the first one to say “i love you” in season three

#like #the actual words #its so important cuz theyve never actually said those words to eachother #i think it just makes sense for aziraphale to do it #crowley tries again for a third time #tries to get him to listen #and instead of forgiving he says it #i love you #hngk #i should go to bed #good omens #aziracrow #aziraphale #crowley #crowly x aziraphale #ineffable husbands #maybe ill expand on this later but you get the gist of what im saying from the tags right i guess sure yeah please #gon go bed now

[arsonist-chicken]

btw in absolutely unsurprising news I fucked up the exam of that class I'm taking for the third time badly again.

in very surprising news, apparently Something happened, idk if the dean said something to the professor or I looked like a distressed broken down wet rat enough or he just doesn't want to see me in his class again or idk, maybe it's not good for him if someone fails his class three times, but he actually offered that I could do a written exam on friday instead? which. is extremely surprising. good, because it gives me another afternoon to study and I can draw and go back to questions on a written exam, even if I have to shuffle around the other exams and papers now, just. very surprising.

#lol but next semester is the fucking seminar again with also the same professor #idk how you can teach such shitty classes regularly and never think hmmm maybe i should change something #with the amount of people having to take the classes at least twice #anyway good for me i'll keep crying over uni the rest of the week and the weekend too and then i'll do stuff next week #like i need to call my insurance and annoy them in person until they say yes to any therapist who will have me #and call the other thing #and oh i really need to find a different GP because i'm soundly back at the stage of where i can literally not think two sentences #after each other without trailing off or it taking up extremely much energy just to remember which store i wanted to go to #and i'm aware that stress and mental illness causes brain fog or whatever #but i've been stressed before but this only started last autumn and i need a different doctor to look at it #who won't just say oh it's just iron levels #there's something wrong with my brain and i need someone competent who actually cares to look at it and tell me #if therapy will fix this or if it's a physical problem #please let it be just brain fog htat therapy can fix i don't have time for this #i just want to sleep and cry until this bs is over but semester break starts next week but i still have exams then and a whle list of #stuff to do for uni still plus stuff otuside. like a doctor. and sleep a normal amount instead of in weird horu intervals on my desk and in #my clothes on my bed or floor or wherever i am at the moment my brain decides it's over now #also friends. i wanted to catch up. also a job. like. yeah i need a job even if idk how i'll do uni and a job with the way my brain is righ #now #huh. oh i have another exam in half an hour. send help i don't want to go to uni anymore #mine #still don't know what that class or the seminar next semester are about btw but we moce #*move #goddamn it I'm TIRED and not just in the physical sense #i'm so goddamn done with uni and insurances deciding about psychotherapy and the general state of the world and cost of living #and i miss my friends and i want to visit them but nither them nor me have time and travelling is expensive #and ijust want a goddamn fucking break but i don't see one comign anytime soon. not before summer #but probably not even then #and after that i'll start working so like #at least no goddamn seminars anymore but i still absolutely dread having to decide where i want to work a

[elegyofthemoon]

wait actually this one post makes a good point i wish there was actually tags to separate between hsr and hi3 bronseele and on that note actually any of the overlapping characters alskdjfha but the search engine sucks ass on this website so you'll always have overlap either way i think :I

#LIKE !!!!! OK!!!!!! I DO REALLY LIKE BRONSEELE!!!!! BUT ALSO!!!!!! I LIKE HI3 BRONSEELE AND WISH TO LOOK AT STUFF FOR THEM NOT HSR!!!!!!!!! #whhhh i was running into the same problem with cocolia before too T _ T #and its fINE because i saw some servalia while doing so but whhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh T _ T come onnnnnnnnnn i just wanna look at hi3 stuuuuuuffff #ok maybe this is also like. the worlds sign for me to STOP JUMPING INTO THE TAGS INSTEAD OF PLAYING THE GAME AND STOP SPOILING YOURSELF #but T _ T #i could also just go bother my friends as well about hi3 but i also dont wanna be a bother #... so i decide to. bother? everyone???? by posting???? #illogical. #IT IS DISTRIBUTED ANNOYANCE #anyways point is: i like bronseele's dynamic a lot in hi3 #it actually made me appreciate the bronseele dynamic more in hsr bc i can see where it takes inspiration from #though i feel that the dynamic got switched around for hsr bronseele #but ill spare talking about that LAKSJDFALKSH #snow plays hi3 #i /guess/ im starting a tag on that its fine lmao #anyways if anyones interested i have plans to finish ch 11 and 11 ex tonight. #'but snow thats like 3 hours long and its near bed time' listen i am on a mission. the only thing stopping me right now is the fact that #i told myself i should finish reviewing (but am Very distracted) #and the fact that the game Also is like 'girl you need to STOP YOURE OUT OF STAMINA' #watch me down all these energy drinks (idk what they are) THEN TELL ME I NEED TO STOP #besides i had a pretty good day re: studying today and ive been doing good with my questions ^u^ #so im bout to beat the holy shit out of this exam. whether the exam likes it or not i Will Eviscerate You. #that and i need to recuperate because I was burned out pretty bad today but when i came back from getting lost (wandering around) for like #hours i did fine so weehee #break day and then we'll be in the long haul till tuesday myeheh

[soldier-poet-king]

Sometimes I think I'm really emotionally intuitive and other times, like today, I'm literally the stupidest person on earth.

Am exhausted from sudden travel for unexpected funera. Have not slept nearly enough the last few days. Am staying with my father's family which means zillions of relatives I barely know or outright dislike, trying to follow conversation in a dialect I don't understand, or else standing awkwardly in the doorways. Basically just my one cousin who deigns to speak English to me, plus her 6 month old and the puppy. The food is terrible I haven't seen a vegetable in 3 days. Have been running the funeral home/wake/funeral mass/cemetery rounds for the last 2 days and while my grief isn't as severe given we weren't close, it's still a horrible tragic death, there's a crying motherless 5 yr old, and I'm surrounded by people grieving in an already EXTREMELY messy family situation. My dad's cousin has managed to make fatphobic and homophobic jokes within 24 hrs. Also the Casual Racism of this entire branch of the family. Missing work unpaid, job interview prep, my fkin artist hasn't gotten back to me abt my tattoos.

Also me. Hey I wonder why I'm so on edge and exhausted???? A mystery I'll never solve

#the duality of fran #literally i just want to go to bed #my OWN brd #with PROPER FOOD. VEGETABLES. A FRUIT EVEN #not just meat fish potatoes #IM SURVIVING ON BREAD AND BUTTER which is delicious but also #my body cannot eat just bread im gonna fuckin die #and the near constant headache between bouts of crying like #i also got roped into serving the funeral mass bc the family are not regular church goers #so my dumb ass who doenst even Know the french mass parts #was better equipped to serve #which. fine. but like. im HANGING ON BY A THREAD #and i have to be here to manage my father's emotions #instead of grieving in my own way. which sure #maybe its not dramatic given my cousin and i werent close #but she was young. it was horrible and tragic. and sudden. #and sure her illness and suffering are over. #but i still think i should be allowed to be moody

[silentchamp]

.

#>ooc. #// vent-ish #[[just found out my paper is probably going to get a 0 because i didnt use the sources i was supposed to. its a 1.5k long paper. i have a 3 #day work weekend and its due on the 12th. i dont have time to fix everything #so ij ust sucked it up and submitted it. part ofm e says 'you should drop out' but its too late #i was going to write but i read the requirements and it just. sucked the life out of me #so im going to go to bed #take a melatonin maybe. id like to vent about this to my friendgroup but they arent college students and arent receptive when i complain #about school so i thought it was just best to put this here instead. i dont want to do this anymore im tired #who am i kidding they arent receptive when i complain or vent period #do i need new friends #i dont know #delete later #im sorry. i just needed to put this somwehere

[mitamicah]

How did my mind decide to celebrate disability pride month? Well what about overanalyzing everything I am doing/will be doing/have done, how wrong my body is (especially with how the fat just didn’t want to place itself the right places) and how little I matter to the world if not for what I can give others? I love my neurodivergent, gender dysphoric brain sometimes /s

Some snippets of what I just wrote since I am not comfortable with sharing all of it in fear of getting judged

Also I am not submitting this for sympathy. Actually I am not completely sure why I submit it? Maybe just because this is my blog and sometimes I just need to use it as a diary? Maybe somebody will see it and know they are not alone with these feelings? Maybe nobody sees it and I can delete this in the morning. But it is not for sympathy. You do not have to read or write anything to me. I am not trying to be petty for cloud. I am trying to share my experience of life. Thank you and good night.

“My mind is telling me I am a loss cause. That I will never be thin enough to get my top-surgery. 

You are big and disgusting. You are a curious specimen. You are not built right. You are fat in all the wrong ways. You will never be seen as a man.

Don’t let the morning dehydration fool you - don’t get your hopes up when you push your elbows into your hips and hit the bone: it is all an illusion. You know it because you see it when looking in the mirror, when your hand grasp around your hips and is met with handfuls of lovehandle.

Why does boobies have to feel this icky and clammy and heavy and melty and just ... they are like rubber and rubber is not meant to be on your torso. Somebody glued bouncing balls to my chest and now they are melting in the sun. The synthetic material is being rejected by the skin on my body and so there’s no way around it: the boobs must get off - or get separated from the body somehow. Thank God for binders and sportsbras for being the protected filter between the chest and the rest.

Is writing this making me more dysphoric? Who knows? Maybe? Putting into words what I am feeling is a blessing and a curse. 

Nothing people tell me these days is analyzed as fully positive in my mind - call me sensitive and I know it is code for being too whiny and awfully easy to tears. The killjoy at the party. Call me funny, kind, approachable, easy to talk to ect. and I know that is only because I am coping with the feeling of being alien that if I stop being something positive to others I will be left behind. Call me attractive and I know that is just the camera angle – that you don’t really see how misshapen I am irl. Call me talented and I know yet again this is all I am good for in the world - if I stop creating, I will be an empty shell of a person that only takes and are way too f*cked up to do anything useful.

#I'd actually written out a way longer (2 word pages) rant out but decided it was too much and I am afraid of being judged #so this is all you get instead #basically I am not feeling great rn and it is late so maybe I should just end today by going to bed #what a downer ending huh #(sorry for being this whiny) #you don't have to react or read this #I guess I am just in a mood #me #personal #micahs thoughts

[no-psi-nan]

Lol my bestie is visiting next weekend and we're gonna watch the final few eps of Saiki and they're gonna get to witness a blorbo breakdown IRL after the horse gambling, guaranteed.

#He makes so insane. The amount of love and kindness that he shows is so powerful that it even heals Kusuo's relationship with his brother. #Like. For the first time someone recognizes that Kusuo's powers are just a part of him. Startling & remarkable maybe but still just him. #And he doesn't see the powers as something to worship or work against. #He just sees them as something that needs extra consideration. Like a friend who is very tall or very short & may need different furniture. #He doesn't think Kusuo is cheating for using his powers or that he's being lazy by depending on them or anything like that. #It's a neutrality Kusuo himself has never even considered. That his powers aren't a special gift or a curse. They're just part of him. #And like the rest of his self he can choose to do good or evil or neither with them #The powers themselves do not carry moral value one way or another. #And I think getting that perspective is what enables him to fight the meteor with a smile on his face #instead of just seeing the return of his powers as just another in a long line of misfortunes y'know? #It's a part of him that can't be suppressed or hidden for very long. #And to accept himself as he is and use his whole self to protect those he loves... Now that's true strength. #And this all comes from god damn Huge Badonkadonks. lord have mercy. #Anyways I should go to bed instead writing more tag essays hsfjdlshfks

[mauxanhduong]

sometimes to run away from your problems you just have to revisit an old hyperfixation that you all but decided not to think about again

#rewatching h*nnibal because. at this point i've tried getting into a bunch of new shows/other things but nothing is sticking and like. #i'm just ruminating on stuff because i'm stressed out i think. wxcept i should go to bed and set shit sorted out instead of this. but i #never actually finished it so let's see how far i get this time i'm starting at s1 ep1 for kicks #actually wait. i've been meaning to continue doctor who maybe i'll try that next. idk #xuân says stuff

[skunkg1rll]

.

#i havent been wanting to get out of bed in the morning at all lately :(( #i just dont want to :(( #today i should be going to the gym w my mom nd then stop by the store nd library #tmrw i have to go to school #but omg i rllyyyyy dont want to i wanna cry #i feel like skipping it today even if then i dont get the book i wanna read bc they'll send it back today #plus there r some things i'd like to get at the store. but ugh i just wanna stay in bed and stay in my room #and i had an unpleasant dream of my school years :/ #i dream of that and my class all the time and it fills me w such anxiety :( #stuff like that. that anxiety most ppl fill me w. reminds me how badly i only want to be w him #but maybe it's ruined now. bc of miscommunication.... i havent even dared checking the app #bc im sooooooo scared to open it and be met w the unread sign. that he hasnt even seen my messages #that'll hurt me so much so i just dont even open the app. now i have no idea if he's seen it or not nd thats all i can deal with atm #it makes me so sad tho bc if he rlly wanted to he could have me. and i have such a big heart w sm love to give to someone :(((( #he's like the one person i've met who fills me w calm instead of that anxiety #which is somewhat funny to say bc he also makes me so sad sometimes :(( nd frustrated #but ohhh even now all i can think abt is being w him nd having a future. even if idk if nd when we'll even simply talk again skskksksk #sighhhhhh i was so happy to have talked to him almost every day the past week... i have things i wanna share w him constantly!!!!! but then #i ofc made a mistake w i always do. i just wish ppl could come to me nd talk abt it instead of just getting upset and pulling away :((

[toastsnaffler]

they should make a november that doesn't make me want to kill myself

#now its dark by 5pm my suicide joke allowance has increased to 3 per day to compensate for how shitty seasonal depression is 👍 #cant believe that last interviewer didnt even deign to send me a rejection email. after making me do 2 interviews and 3 tests. ok 😐 #oh well its the weekend now so no point thinking abt it any more hopefully ill get more interview requests on monday ugh #bleuuuurgh also looking at my laptop is making me feel kind of dizzy and sick so i cant even play videogames this evening :((((( #whatever i can just read or smth instead. i need to workout and then shower and hopefully ill feel a bit better after that #and if not ill go to lidl and get snacks and if that doesnt help ill just go to bed early 👍 #maaaan. i should change my sheets too maybe thatll help #.diaries #.vent

[spookyboywhump]

Zander wakes up to a text at like 3am from cain but it’s just a video of cheddar making biscuits and purring because cain can’t sleep

HE’S A HARD WORKING LITTLE MAN,,,, 😭 MAKING BISCUITS FOR IN THE MORNING,,,,

#I should probably go to bed I’m getting emotional over a fictional cat #cheddar is actually short for Red Lobster Cheddar Bay Biscuits/j #I feel like cheddar has never experienced a thought in his life and he purrs like somebody revving a fucking motor #Cain has a lot of sleepless nights but he’s probably at least a little less miserable with a cat to keep him company #I’m sure sometimes he’s like. this shit rocks why did my father get me a person instead of a cat. #maybe he’d be happier today if somebody had just given him a cat #anonymous

[flyingspicerack]

Okaaaay daydreaming time then sleeby nienie eveyone!!

#spice.txt #i think maybe im gonna start when i say night night what im gonna daydream abt before bed #on the menu tonight im cooking up a new maoichi fic chapter #hehe its very good i think #its actually gonna go in between two already planned out chapters #so now after i figure out all the story beats for this one ill have 25 chaps planned so far #also thinking of making a poll to vote on whether or not i should make a public list of all my plans #like imagine it as like.... episode title and synopsis but instead its list of future chapter themes??? #like... idk if people would like that or want to be surprised #oh maybe i could post it under a readmore so then people have the choice to look at it or not!!! #i also wanna make a blog directory pinned post.... im too lazy to edit a theme so a pinned with links is the best ill do #this is just turning into a list of things i need to do this weekend #uhhh laundry!! you have no underwear you loser #and draw maoichi slow blink in stream tomorrow #thanks future aero #anyway #looks at you reading this post #hiiiieeeeeeeee!!!! #if u read my fic and want a post for future chaps lemme know bc if I am encouraged i will probably make it lawl #tee hee ok nie nie for realsies

[vampirebutterflies]

listen ‘ere boy there is a voice in ur head telling u ur fine and you don’t need to go to therapy tomorrow and that voice is a f u c k i n g liar don’t listen to it boy don’t fuckin’ listen to that rat ass bastard it does NOT have ur best interests at heart

#vent in tags etc etc #aim losing my mind over here #it’s fine #see the thing is I’m so deeply lacking in like. the emotions edition of object permanence. I can have a massively heartbreaking reaction to #smth and then once I’m out of that moment and even slightly distracted it’s like nothing ever happened ?? #so like yk I was nearly [radio static noises] over talking to my therapist abt the young csa thing and I’m meant to be starting emdr tomorr #tomorrow* except like for the past two weeks I’ve overall been fine regarding that?? instead it’s the ed and other traumas flaring up so ?? #idk how Specific emdr is I honestly don’t know much about it yet but like yk now I’m wondering if I should delay starting that in favour of #talking about the other badtimes tm rearing their heads atm. todays in particular was unexpected it happened this morning and it’s only just #like. hit me and started biting and it’s ?? also dumb cuz like on one hand I’m pretty okay but on the other hand the other half of my brain #is spiralling hysterically to the point where I’m very glad I’m already in bed and like I know [redacted] won’t help but it’s like my brain #is just so lost about how to hold these things and what to do at all so it’s just pulling out the bad coping mechanism and insistently #thrusting it in my lap and waving its arms like it wasn’t even That Bad tm of a situation today but it Was some very specific factors which #are holding hands with Other specific factors and then The Location Of The Events is just #yea okay maybe I will talk to her abt this / these things instead if I can #ah the joys of heavy personal responsibility at a very young age and the severe guilt that gets bred from that and the fantastic experience #of things being so far out of your control and almost destined to fail and the absolute wonder of The Actual Person(s) To Blame Having No #Consequences For Their Actions and ending up feeling like you failed and you’re a complete fraud cuz no good you do will make up for that #one situation and yeah okay I’m gonna go sleep #ugh

[master-of-fluff]

Can I order some wholesome hcs/aus or pet pics or something?

#fluff posts #i should be excited #30mins till new years #instead i just feel like crap #for seemingly no reason #maybe i should just go to bed? #eh nah

[catboy-kakashi]

Noticing a pattern in your behavior that may be a sign of something much larger but instead of trying to analyze that you just quickly put the lid back on the oil fire and walk away

#i have some. problems. when it comes to food #i wouldnt call it like a disorder by any means #i feel like that would be trivializing what people with EDs go through #but uh. well i have been at someone else’s house petsitting and i’ve barely eaten anything besides the bag of veggie chips i brought #and im starting to think. maybe. i need to assess my issues with feeling like im allowed to eat or take food thats offered to me #without being explicitly handed the food and being told its for me #haha uhhhh. haha. anyway. i think i’ll cope with this by projecting onto fictional characters and then never self reflecting #​ camtankerous is whining #like they straight up SAID ‘theres leftover in the fridge! feel free to eat those!’ #but because they said that and not ‘thats for you!’ my brain says ‘theyll eat that if i dont. i should leave it for them. its not for me’ #like idk. like i dont DESERVE to eat someone elses leftovers??? thats so fucking SAD. that makes me sound like a stray dog or something #i havent had coffee for several days either bc asking how their coffee machine worked felt like admitting i was planning on taking #their coffee and like. maybe im not allowed to have coffee! thats THEIR fancy coffee #i newrly slept on the fucking couch instead of one of the TWO guest beds they told me i could use. whats wrong with me #negative #vent #sorry i just. ive been really stressed out the last few days and i needed to get this out #i straight up dont know where this behavior comes from. its not like my parents were abusive or didnt let me have food?? #its like im afraid to let myself enjoy things. who the fuck do i think is going to come and take it away or yell at me. #HAHA wow thats a wall of text huh. i should probably go to therapy! #if youre still reading this do not look upon my wretched form. i dont want you to think less of me for this