#maybe I might do some more sports movie gifs if people are interested | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

samuel-de-champagne-problems · 3 years

Text

Fools in Love

Summary: He can explain how String Theory works. He can figure out Riemann Hypothesis. He can recite all the numbers of pi until he’s blue in the face. Yet somehow, Spencer Reid can’t figure out what to do for his first first anniversary.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female Reader

Warnings: Spencer Reid is a self-deprecating mf, Jane Austen quotes? But there’s a happy ending

Word Count: 3128

Fools in Love

He scratches the back of neck, a nervous habit that he’s sure makes him look weak. He wants to find the perfect recipe to make a wonderful meal for Y/N. It’s his first first anniversary so Spencer’s completely lost as to what to do. Y/N deserves the most romantic dinner, especially considering how much chaos he causes. It must be a lot to put up with him, Spencer thinks. He’s even more useless when it comes to love than when it comes to cooking. While he might not be a fan of technology, given he has the Thai place down the street from his apartment on speed dial. She doesn’t deserve some take out Thai with paper plates. But he’s a scientist, a well-known and well-educated scientist who is completely failing at planning his first anniversary.

It was useless. Completely and utterly useless, Spencer thought to himself as he ran his fingers across the various titles of cookbooks. Some featured complex dishes from Korea and others were 30 minute meals of the vaguely Midwest variety. Spencer never in his entire 33 years of living felt so out of place in a library. He’s so at home in between the stacks of books, he finds the comforting words of long dead authors and intricate mathematical theories a second home. However, it seems that Spencer Reid has found the most intimidating section of the library: cooking.

And what do academics do when they are at a crossroad? Well, they call in the experts. The love expert came in the shape of Agent Derek Morgan himself. This idea just might be the most brilliant thought Spencer’s had or the dumbest, but Y/N is worth it.

Okay, maybe it was a mistake to come to Derek, Spencer thinks as he sits in front of his friend, a coffee in his hand and an expression of pure fear on his face.

“You want me to, what?” Spencer asks, shocked at Derek’s suggestive advice.

“Lie in bed naked, call Y/N on the phone and make something up. You’ll be waiting in bed and then BAM! Anniversary sex,” Derek says, his eyebrows wagging as he sips his coffee.

“Are you messing with me, Morgan?” Spencer says, his face pale from the very thought of lounging in bed naked, waiting for Y/N to come over to his apartment.

“Why not, I’m sure it would get you laid,” Derek reasons. Get me laid? Spencer and Y/N don’t get laid, he thinks. They do have sex, but it’s not getting laid. It’s more romantic and loving than just whatever Derek suggests.

God, he can’t tell Derek that, he’d never live it down.

“You have slept with Y/N, right?” Derek asks, suddenly nervous that he touched a nerve with his friend. As much as he likes to tease, Spencer knows that Derek doesn’t mean any harm, hence why he’s the first person he thought to come to.

“We prefer to call it making love,” Spencer says, pretending to be very interested in his chocolate donut and trying to fight off the blush that rises to his cheeks. Even a year into their relationship, Spencer still gets butterflies at thinking about Y/N like that.

“So you want this to be more romantic than just fucking, because you’ve done it for a year?” Derek proposes as simply as if he’s talking about a case. Not that talking about serial victims is anymore normal or weirder than the current conversation.

“Morgan and you please stop talking about Y/N and sex in the same sentence?” Spencer says through gritted teeth.

“Reid, kid. I’m just busting your chops, I know who you feel about Y/N. When you two are in the same room, it’s like there’s no one else in the world. And it’s kinda hard to get your mind to focus on one thing, but Y/N does that,”

“I know,” Spencer says. “I can’t mess this up Derek. I can’t give another person a reason to leave me,”

“Y/N won’t leave because you can’t plan a terrible anniversary dinner,” Derek says comfortingly.

“I checked out 7 cookbooks, Morgan. 7, and I read them on the metro home. It’s useless, I’m useless,” Spencer laments.

He looks up to try to read Derek’s expression. The last thing he’d want to see on his face is pity or worse laughter. No, Spencer. Derek is your best friend. He’s the closest thing you have to a brother. Spencer feels almost guilty for thinking that Derek would laugh at him, while he might like to tease him, especially about his lovelife, they trust each other inexplicably. What’s written on Derek’s face is not pity or ridicule, it’s a smile. A smile not for Spencer, but for the colorful woman walking towards their table.

“You told Garcia?” Spencer groans, but scooting over so Penelope would have a spot to sit with them.

“Of course I told Garcia, kid. You know better than anyone that we can’t keep anything secret,” Derek explains, leaning in to kiss Garcia’s hand.

“Spencer Reid! I can’t believe you,” Garcia says, smacking Spencer’s arm lightly.

“Garcia!” Spencer shouts, clutching his coffee and hunching down in his seat to avoid being hit by the tech goddess with her hard rings on her surprisingly strong hands.

“Don’t Garcia me, Reid. You need me, whether or not you realize it or not. I’m irreplaceable,” she tells him, grabbing a pink notebook and a fluffy green pen from her bag.

Spencer nods in understanding, as much as he hates it, he knows that he needs help. It’s just a hard pill to swallow when help comes in the form of Derek Morgan and Penelope Garcia, perhaps the two people on Earth who are the most in love.

“I know I need you guys,” Spencer says, looking from Garcia to Derek, half expecting them to tell him to order some terrifying sex toy from a scretchy store on the edge of town or something equally horrifying.

“What’s something that she likes? You know like a special thing that Y/N would never think about getting herself” Garcia asks, making notes with the fluffy when that bounces as she writes.

“She likes to read,” Spencer suggests, thinking about the first date that they had. They talked for hours about their favorite books and ended up getting booted from the library for overstaying their welcome. Y/N found it quite endearing that The Little Prince is Spencer’s while her is anything and everything by Jane Austen. He thinks back to her eyes gleamed when talking about the book, or how passionate she got when she argued that Mr Knightley and Emma were soulmates.

“Okay, that’s a start Spencer. Really good,” Garcia says, trying to boost her friend’s confidence.

“What else?” Derek asks, thinking about the times when he and Y/N hang out with Spencer and Penelope.

“Fret not, Boy Wonder,” Garcia says, softly patting Spencer’s shoulder, “I’ll take care of this,” she finishes as she reaches into her bag, that seems to have a never ending bottom, and pulls out a laptop.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“So Garcia and Morgan took over your anniversary plans and basically just made it how they’d want to spend their anniversary?” JJ offers, as she hands Spencer a beer from her refrigerator and sits back down at her kitchen table.

Spencer takes a swig of his beer and shrugs his shoulders, thinking about how wrong this whole anniversary dinner has gone.

“I just wanted this to be special, JJ. I know it’s only been a year, but Y/N is it for me. God, she was it for me on the third date,” Spencer confesses.

“I know, Spence. I’ve never seen you this happy. Happiness looks good on you,” JJ tells him.

“Y/N makes me happy, she puts up with me, so the least I can do is make this perfect for her,”

“Spence, don’t sell yourself short,” JJ says, “You’re a kind man and a wonderful boyfriend, you’re both lucky to have each other,”

“Thank you, JJ, but Y/N is the better person in this relationship. That’s why this needs to be perfect,” Spencer explains, his self doubt still littering his mind.

“What about a baseball game? You can pay for a message to pop up on the Jumbotron. Like Happy Anniversary, Y/N,” JJ suggests, and Spencer really can’t tell if JJ is joking. She can’t possibly think that Y/N and he would have a romantic anniversary with the threat of getting pelted in the face with a baseball.

“Sports games are not our forte, JJ. I honestly can’t tell who’d hate sitting in the sun for hours with angry sports fans,” Spencer adds.

“Okay so no sports, I should have figured, Spence,” JJ winks knowingly. “How about this, think about somewhere that’s special to you two. Somewhere that makes you think of her,”

“The thing is JJ, everyplace we’ve been together makes me think of her. The elevator when she first kissed me, the movie theater we always go to on Saturday nights, even the sidewalk outside my apartment building. Everything makes me think of her because she’s my everything,” Spencer says, hiding his discomfort at the conversation.

“Spence, I think that anything you plan, will be wonderful. Have a little trust in yourself for once, Y/N is already head over heels in love with you, so I doubt that she’d really care where you go or what you do,” JJ advises, clearing up the dirty dishes from their Friday night pizza dinner with the boys.

“I’m going to go JJ, thanks for talking me out of my head. If I took Morgan’s advice, I’d probably end up with a restraining order,” Spencer jokes, putting his jacket on and saying goodbye to his friend.

“You think you need an Uber?” JJ asks, but immediately finds amusement from Spencer’s disgust at the idea of getting into an Uber.

“Germs and technology sound like a nightmare, JJ. And I’m not going to remind you of the statistics regarding missing persons and those rideshare apps-” Spencer offers, but is cut off by JJ’s pretend annoyance.

“Remind me to send Y/N combat pay, you know maybe she is a saint for putting up with you,” JJ teases.

He walks out into the chill of the night, recounting the advice his friends gave him. Derek and Penelope’s plan was a little outlandish, a little too much for Spencer and Y/N. JJ, who Spencer knows means well, only served to remind him of how hard it must be with him. His steps are slow and languid, but his mind anything but.

One step, you’re probably just a charity case that Y/N decided to save.

Two steps, why on Earth would a woman like her even look at a man like you.

Three steps, you’re so pathetic that you can’t even plan a dinner for her. She’s too good for Spencer, you’ll ruin her.

Everyone who you love leaves you or dies, anyway.

It’s that thought, not the thought of being alone, but the thought that he deserves to be alone that sends the tears down his cheeks.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Somehow, someway, Spencer made it back to his apartment. It never felt so dark, so unlike home. Maybe he just didn’t never realized that these walls aren’t home without Y/N. He really should try to get to sleep, but he’d rather fend off sleep with the endless supply of coffee than have to face a night alone in the cold bed.

Just as Spencer makes his way to prepare a cup of coffee, he hears a distant jiggle of keys and the door knob rattle. And in comes Y/N, as fresh as the cup of coffee brewing and as beautiful as ever.

“Happy Anniversary, my love,” Y/N tells him, dropping the bags on the floor. She moves over to him like a light breeze. All he wants is to welcome her embrace. He wants to scoop her up and carry her far away from the monsters that lie in wake. He feels an urge to be her protector, but how can be her protector when what he really wants is to be protected.

“Y/N, what are you doing here, it’s so late,” Spencer says, praying that his voice doesn’t let go. He knows it’s futile, one look from Y/N, her palm to his cheek or even worse a chaste kiss on his forehead, Spencer would not be able to think. What is a genius without his mind?

“I couldn’t wait for tomorrow, Spence, I just missed you too much,” Y/N says, her voice a prayer that spins around in Spencer’s brain, searching for refuge in his heart.

“You really missed me?” Spencer asks, desperately wanting to believe her beyond belief. Y/N’s frown searches for an answer in Spencer’s distant expression. Even though they stand there with the kitchen light casting shadows touching as much skin as they can reach, Spencer is a million miles away.

“Of course I missed you, baby. And I just had to give you one of your gifts tonight. I just couldn’t wait to see your face,” Y/N says, practically bouncing as she bounds off to get the package for Spencer.

“So this is only the first part, and stay with me, I know how much you hate technology, but I think you’ll make an excuse for this,” She tells him, handing him a heavy cube shaped package. It’s decorated in Y/N’s handwritten flowers and hearts, and a cute doodle of who Spencer can only assume is them. His girlfriend may not be artistic. But she’s the artist who paints the stars in Spencer’s night sky. She’s the tailor who sewed him back up when he was broken. She’s the architect who has the key and blueprint to his heart.

Spencer opens the gift, his hands shaky and unsure. He’s terrified that Y/N can see right though him. He reveals the present. It’s a small wooden box with a red wooden heart that looks like it’s supposed to be pixelated. There’s a blank space on the top, that Spencer supposes is a screen.

“You gotta plug it in, Spence. So the messages can pop up. When you're far away from me saving the world, I can type a message from my phone and it’ll appear on your box,” she explains. Spencer looks up at her trying to search for what he did to get this lucky.

“Thank you, this is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me,” Spencer tells her, placing a kiss against her forehead. It’s the kind of kisses that tell you so much more. It’s the kind of kiss you give when you know there’s more where that one came from. It’s safe and warm and everything good about this world.

“I gotta make sure you won’t forget me when you go traipsing all over the country. A hot genius like you only comes around so often. I’m sure you got loads of attractive people throwing themselves at you, Spence,” she says with a wink.

“Hot genius?” Spencer repeats half dumbfounded and half joking.

“Yup, I gotta make sure they know that you’re spoken for,”

“I couldn’t forget you even if I tried, Y/N. You’re the best thing that’s happened to me. I still don’t know what I did to ever deserve you,” Spencer says, as the tears and the fears of not being good enough bubble to the surface.

“Spencer, baby. You’re shaking. What’s the matter? Huh,” she says softly, brushing her hand over Spencer’s head in a comforting and loving gesture.

Spencer leans into her, his head pressed into her neck. He can hear her heartbeat and he can smell her perfume. He wants to get lost in her. Get lost in the feeling of total and complete love.

“I just wanted this to be perfect, Y/N. For you- you deserve so much more than I can give. It must be so hard dating me. I know that I’m difficult to love sometimes,” Spencer murmurs, his tears pouring down his cheeks and spilling like his darkest thoughts onto Y/N’s shirt.

“Spencer, you make my life so much brighter. So much fuller. I know that you got a lot going on up in that mind of yours and it must be kinda scary. It must be hard always being the guy people expect answers from. But I got you, sweetheart. And I’m not letting go,” Y/N tells him the words falling from lips like a psalm and taking on a new life in Spencer’s heart.

“Thank you, Y/N. I really wanted this to be the best anniversary. I’m sorry I’m such a mess,” Spencer apologizes as he peppers light, feathery kisses along her collarbone and up to her eyes.

“Well you’re my mess, Spencer. Let’s be honest, I’d be completely happy to spend our anniversary anywhere with you. Except maybe sports games, that sounds like torture for both of us,” Y/N laughs and Spencer can’t get over how she practically glows in the kitchen light. It could be that his mind is foggy with love, but Spencer hopes that he never grows out of this blissful feeling.

“Well it’s a good thing we’ll have many more to make up for this one,” Spencer says, letting himself get dragged to the large fluffy sofa.

“Oh no, Mister. The next 50 anniversaries have to try to top this one,” Y/N tells him and Spencer’s heart skips and flutters at the thought of having another 49 anniversaries with Y/N by his side.

“I doubt that 50 will be enough, Y/N”

“As long as you’ll allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you,” Y/N says, cuddling so close to Spencer that she can’t see where her limbs start and Spencer’s end.

“If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more,” Spencer says running his spidery fingers down Y/N’s side much to her delight.

“Ooh are you trying out some Jane Austen foreplay? Because that’s the way to make my panties drop,” Y/N says suggestively as she rubs her hand over Spencer’s chest and rests it on his neck.

“Maybe tomorrow, I just really want to hold you close right now, Y/N.” Spencer says, sweetly kissing along her temple exciting a bout of giggles from the two of them.

Spencer very well might be useless when it comes to love, but he was eager to learn that he’s worthy of love from his love expert.

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x reader fluff #spencer reid #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x reader angst #spencer reid smut #criminal minds #criminal minds fic #criminal minds fics #criminal minds fanfic #criminal minds x reader #spencer reid x fem!reader

330 notes · View notes

slow-burn-sally · 3 years

Text

I watched Say Anything last night for the first time in many years, and I was so so impressed with it. I’ve always loved that movie, but I thought maybe it might not have aged well. It came out in 1989, and 80s movies have a tendency toward cheese.

I was pleasantly surprised to find that it still kicks all sorts of rom-com ass.

I feel like this was largely due to Cameron Crowe doing an amazing job at portraying a far more realistic teenage experience than most rom-coms do. And of course the cast was phenomenal.

His protagonist, Lloyd Dobler (John Cusack) isn’t a handsome jock, nor is he a nerd. But he is into sports (kickboxing! The sport of the future!). He’s also into music, and has an awesome mix of not having any real dating game, but being the sort of likable guy everyone knows, and has an awkward sort of charm.

He lives with his sister (Joan Cusack, his actual sister), and her small son, and they have a very realistic relationship. Part genuinely fond, partly extremely irritated with each other.

His best friends are all girls, and unlike in films like My Best Friend’s Wedding, or Some Kind of Wonderful, they don’t actually fall in love with him or step into the role of love interest. They’re just his buds. And they have relatively well fleshed out characters. Especially Lily Taylor who does a fantastic job as that one friend who’s obsessed with the guy who’s no good for her.

Diane Court (Ione Skye), the actual love interest is very academic, but also just stunningly pretty. She’s not your typical, vapid cool girl that Lloyd has to try and impress by being some sort of “bad ass”. She’s relatively introverted and focused on her studies, but she’s also gorgeous, so there’s none of that “smart girls have to wear glasses and have bad hair” trope, which, while it’s fun, could honestly use a break. Smart girls look like all kinds of people. And speaking of smart girls, she’s far more intelligent book-wise than Lloyd, and instead of resenting this, or being overly intimidated, he is unstoppably impressed and proud and supportive of her smarts.

Diane’s relationship with her father (John Mahoney) who raised her, is complex and has a lot of emotional depth. Rather than just going for the “mom died of cancer/in a car accident etc.” trope, they simply had her choose in court to live with her father. “It just felt safer,” her character says. This is pretty rare in cinema. The acknowledgment that sometimes, when a couple separates, it’s the dad who’s the best suited as a full time caregiver, and that impressed me.

Diane’s relationship with her father takes an almost equal center stage spot next to her relationship with Lloyd, and the titular line is spoken not to Lloyd, as one would expect, but to her dad. “You can say anything to me!” she exclaims to him during a tense moment. They clearly share a deep bond, and it takes some heart-wrenching twists as the movie progresses and we learn that her father has been involved in some shady financial dealings.

Diane herself, while stunningly beautiful, sweet and kind to boot, has her own issues and her own complex characterization. She’s torn between her conflicting duties to her father, her boyfriend and her advancing academic career and she struggles convincingly with all three as the movie progresses.

I even hesitate to call this film a rom-com. Maybe because where there some genuine laughs, there’s also a lot of drama and deep emotion portrayed, and not just for the usual reasons. There’s themes about family, duty and obligation, the fear of life after high school, and dating pressures that are just so poignantly rendered as the main characters fumble their way through the plot.

I just adored it and would recommend it to any newcomer, or people too young to have been introduced to it by friends or older siblings. It’s more than just a Peter Gabriel song and a boy, dramatically holding a boom box over his head to serenade a girl. It’s really so much more than that.

#say anything #cameron crowe #john cusack #joan cusack #john mahoney #meta

70 notes · View notes

midnightsnyx · 3 years

Text

Mathew Barzal - A Year In The Making

pairing: mat barzal/reader

word count: 5.5k

warnings: fluff, angst (me writing sad stuff?? shocker), and there may be a couple swear words? also, this is not edited so i apologize in advance lol

a/n: so this isn’t the soulmate mat fic i am supposed to be writing lol but its still mat! i’ve been working on it f-o-r-e-v-e-r for @hannahmb so hannah, i hope you like it!

my masterlist

Mat Barzal

Summary: Y/N looks back on an entire year with Mat.

January

When you say that meeting Mathew Barzal swept you off your feet, you mean he literally swept you off your feet. It was cold and icy when you were walking to your favorite coffee shop. You weren’t watching where you were walking so when you ran in to him, his foot accidentally (and you question to the day whether it was truly accidental) tripped you up, he managed to catch you before you fell and when you looked at him and saw warm hazel eyes and brown hair sticking out from under his gray hat, you knew you were a goner.

. . .

You knew the reputation hockey players had. They slept around, didn’t give girls a second look after they got what they wanted and you were dead set on never giving Mathew Barzal a second thought but when you ran into him at the grocery store and he asked you to go for coffee, you agreed.

Looking back, it was probably the dumbest and smartest decision of your life.

Coffee led to lunches which led to a movie night at his place which led you to your first hockey game. You knew absolutely nothing about hockey but what you did know, was that Mat loved to celebrate after a win. Whether it was heading to the bar with a couple of his friends or spending the night home watching a movie, he was always in the best mood after.

After your first game, he decided that the best way to celebrate was to go for a walk and get hot chocolate with you. Despite only knowing each other for a little under a month, it felt like the two of you had been the best of friends forever. It was something that attracted you to Mat. How easily he was able to get you to open up to him and vice versa - how much he trusted you with his thoughts and feelings.

It’s definitely how you found yourself standing under a lamppost, snow falling around you like some cheesy romance novel and Mat kissing you softly.

And thinking back, you wouldn’t have changed a single thing.

February

Things between you and Mat were… interesting to say the least. You weren’t a couple but you know that both of you weren’t seeing other people either. Labels were messy anyways. They caused more tension between the two of you than good. Your friends, however, had their opinions.

“I just think it’s a little weird that he hasn’t asked you to make things official yet.” Your friend said. “I mean, you don’t know what he does on the road or during the nights you don’t spend together.”

Her words certainly hit a sore spot but you tried to brush it off. “It’s casual,” you said. “We don’t want to jump into anything.”

“If you say so.” She hummed, going back to eating her pasta.

Her words were in the back of your mind though, no Mater how hard you tried to push them out. You and Mat had been open about not seeing other people, it was a lengthy discussion that made you feel better about not putting a label on anything. But, there’s always the possibility that he would change his mind. You didn’t know what he did on the road. Maybe your friend was right, and even though you and Mat had talked about it, perhaps it was just his way of making sure you stuck around while he was home.

Maybe you were just the pathetic girl that waited at home for him while he did whatever he wanted while on the road.

March

You’d swept your uneasy feelings about Mat under the rug until a Snapchat video surfaced of him on the internet. It was him with the other guys sitting at a table in a bar with some girls sitting with them.

They were sitting with Mat and not on him is what you kept telling yourself. He didn’t look like he was interested in them but you couldn’t get rid of the awful feeling in the pit of your stomach that he would take one of them home with him.

You knew that letting your friend’s words about him would ruin things but you couldn’t help it. So you ignored him when he called you the next morning. He knew that you had early classes and wouldn’t call you after games when the time zones would be too different.

You ignored his call and then the texts he sent. He would be home the next day so you decided he could wait until then because you still weren’t sure what exactly to say to him. What would you tell him? That you didn’t believe him when he said that he only wanted to see you? That you didn’t trust him, or that you let your friends words get to you?

You still didn’t know what to say when he showed up at your apartment. He looked worried and mad and you weren’t sure which was worse.

“What’s wrong?” was the first thing he asked. There was no hello, how are you?

“Nothing.” You lied but he shook his head.

“I know you better than that.” He said. “Something’s wrong.”

You wanted to lie to him again, tell him it was nothing, and to forget about it but you needed to know.

“Those girls in the video.” You said, and he looked confused for a moment before his expression turned into understanding. “I know we aren’t a couple, technically,” you said quietly and watched as he slowly walked towards you. “But it bothered me.”

You waited for his reaction, watched his face warily. What you weren’t expecting was for him to take both your hands in his and squeeze them gently.

“Can I be honest with you?” He asked softly and even though you weren’t ready for his honesty, you nodded.

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you that entire night.” He chuckled and shook his head. “Tito kept asking me why I wasn’t making a move on one of them.” His head tilted a little as he studied you. “But all I could think about that night was how much I wanted you to be there with me.”

You couldn’t hide the smile that crossed your face and you wrapped your arms around his waist and hid your face in the crook of his neck.

“I kinda wished I was there too.” You whispered and your smile widened when he picked you up and spun you around. He was laughing when he put you down.

“Let’s go out tomorrow night. A couple of the guys and their girlfriends or wives are going to Joe’s.” He gave you a hesitant look but continued. “I want to introduce you to them.”

Your brows furrowed. “I’ve met your teammates.”

“I want-” he cleared his throat. “I want to introduce you as my girlfriend.”

Your smile could have lit up the room.

April

You quickly learned that being exclusive wasn’t all that it was cut out to be. There was a certain pressure that came with dating a professional athlete and as time went on, you felt yourself begin to crack under that pressure. You weren’t sure if it was the media, intense fans or the fact that it was difficult to spend as much time together during the Playoffs but you started to question things with Mat.

Your mother always told you that you were an over thinker and always managed to think of the worst possible scenarios and though you would never admit it to her, she was damn right.

Your overthinking is what typically caused an fight between you and Mat. You were never one to pick fights but it just felt like every single thing that happened made you upset. Whether it was you feeling that he played video games too much when the two of you hung out or that he thought you made a big deal out of small things, the two of you were arguing all the time.

It left you spending many nights questioning whether being with him was even worth it when all it seemed to do was cause stress. You wondered if he ever thought the same things.

. . .

The loud cheering in the Barclays Centre did no good to your mood on a Monday afternoon game. You weren’t even sure why you went to the stupid game in the first place after a terrible argument between you and Mat the night prior. It might have been Tito’s many, many texts that day asking you to come because “Mat is always in a bad mood when you don’t come to games” that had you sitting in the stands sporting your Barzal jersey. You knew that you were welcomed in the Wives Lounge but sometimes you enjoyed sitting surrounded by random people you didn’t know and not having to socialize.

It definitely was a good idea at the time because yours and Mat’s fight had unfortunately been in front of some of his teammates and their other halves so you didn’t feel like getting questioned about it.

A loud bang caused you to nearly jump out of your seat and when you looked up, Tito was standing in front of you, grin on his face and waving. You had been distracting yourself on your phone so you wouldn’t look at Mat during warm-ups but you caught his eye when Tito had made you look up. You couldn’t really read the expression on his face. Part was probably irritation and the other maybe relief that you had shown up. The door slamming in his face the night before was probably still fresh in his mind.

Tito waving his hand in front of you brought you back from the memory and he had a puck in his hand, pointing it to you. You furrowed your brows at him because you already had a few pucks from games when you and Mat had first started dating because he had a habit of gifting you with a lot of Islanders things. So you caught it when he chucked it over the glass, intending to give it to the kid sitting next to you until you caught sight of some scribbles on the back. You flipped the puck over and your heart warmed when you realized it was Mat’s handwriting.

I’m sorry with a small heart was written messily on it and when you looked up and caught Mat’s eyes, you smiled and nodded and that must have been enough for him because he grinned and winked at you.

It was enough for now.

. . .

Meeting him at the locker room doors was not anything unusual but you were on edge that evening. You were pretty sure Mat had forgiven you for slamming the door in his face the night before but you were still nervous. When the guys started coming out of the locker room, dressed back in their game suits and grins on their faces, you kept your eyes trained on the doors waiting for Mat.

“He’ll be a few more minutes.” Tito said, stopping in front of you. “He’s doing an interview - game winning goal scorer and all.”

You smiled and let him ruffle your hair like you were his little sister despite the age difference between you two being minor. He always treated you like a sister from the moment you met and you liked that compared to some of Mat’s other young teammates who tried flirting with you in the beginning.

“Thanks, Tito.” You said, waving as he smiled again and walked away.

A little longer than a few more minutes, Mat walked through the doors. He was dressed in his suit again and his hair was wet from the quick shower he must have taken before coming out.

“Hey.” He said quietly, hesitating as if he had been trying to decide whether to approach you or not. When you held out your arms, he walked straight to you and wrapped his around you, lifting you off the ground slightly.

The two of you stood there for what felt like longer than it probably was before he loosened his arms and pulled away a little.

“I’m sorry.” He said, resting his forehead against yours.

“Me too,” you told him and stood on the tips of your toes so you could reach his lips. The kiss was gentle and slow and when you pulled away, you took a step back. “The fight was stupid and we both know it.”

He nodded and ran a hand through his hair. “I know. I just… I feel like sometimes we fight for no reason and it frustrates me. I hate being mad with you.”

Deciding that Barclays Centre wasn’t the right place for his conversation, you took his hand and pulled him towards the exit.

“Let’s go home and talk.” You said and he nodded, squeezing you hand gently and pressing a kiss to the top of your head.

As you both walked to his car, you idly wondered when home stopped being a place and instead became a person.

May

The Islanders got put out of the playoffs during the second round and although you knew Mat was upset, he shrugged and said, “there’s always next year.” You wondered if that was what got professional athletes through the losses in their careers.

The end of the hockey season meant Mat going home to B.C and it left you in an odd place. He didn’t directly ask you to come with him for the off season but the way he described his summer plans, made it seem like you were involved.

But you being you prevented you from outright asking if he wanted you to come home with him. It was a big step and you weren’t sure you could handle the rejection.

As the date he was leaving quickly approached, he asked if the two of you could talk and your stomach plummeted at his words. You agreed though and during the drive to his apartment, you mentally prepared yourself for the rejection.

He greeted you at the door with a kiss which eased some of your worries but when he started making you your favourite ice tea, you started getting worried. He was mindlessly babbling about random things until he sat on the stool next to you and when you looked at him, he was uncharacteristically serious.

“You could have told me you didn’t want to come to B.C,” he said. “I wouldn’t have been offended, I know you have friends here and probably had summer plans-”

“Mat.” You said quickly, cutting him off. “I want to come with you. To your home.”

He stopped his babbling and looked at you in shock. “Wait, really?”

“Yeah.”

“But you didn’t say.”

“Well I mean, you never asked.”

He rose his eyebrows comically high. “I didn’t think I had to.”

A smile broke out across your face and you leaned forwards so you could kiss him. He chased after you when you sat back making your grin widen. “I just didn’t want to push. We spend nearly all year together so I didn’t know if you wanted space for the summer.”

“Y/N.” He said seriously. “I want to be with you. Forever.”

And if that wasn’t the sweetest and most romantic thing a man had ever said to you, you weren’t sure what was.

June

Summer with Mat was, well, amazing. Days spent on the lake and nights spent under the stars ended up making that summer one of the best in your life.

Meeting his family for the first time was equally frightening as it was exciting. His father, Mike and mom Nadia were two of the kindest people you met and you quickly bonded with his sister Liana. They took you in as if you were their own and Mat frequently joked that they were stealing you from him.

You didn’t mind though. You loved spending days shopping at the mall or going to the beach with Liana. Brunch with his mom was always lovely and she always managed to tell you the funniest and most embarrassing stories about Mat. It gave you a little leverage when you needed it and on top of that, Mat was overly cute when he would pout at you jokingly poking fun of him.

Every single day, you realized you fell a little more in love with him and that realization nearly knocked you off your feet.

July

“Let’s go out tonight together.” He said one morning. “Just the two of us.”

Not having spent much alone time together as you would have liked, you quickly agreed. Mat didn’t tell you where he planned on taking you but he must have told Liana because she chose an outfit for you. It gave you a small idea of what he might have been planning.

She didn’t pick out a fancy dress which told you that he wasn’t bringing you to a high end restaurant which you were secretly pleased about because you never quite felt like you fit in at places like those. You much more preferred to go to a small diner so when she chose a cute romper with a pair of sandals, you had a bit of an idea of where you might be going.

“Any hints?” You asked, placing a hand over his which was resting on your thigh.

He shook his head and grinned. “It’s a surprise.”

You pretended to be bothered by it but you felt giddy inside that he was putting so much thought in to your date. It was also fun playing a guessing game, throwing ideas at him of where he was taking you even though you knew he wasn’t going to tell you. You had carefully watched his reactions to your guesses so you weren’t overly surprised when your ride ended at a park.

It was pretty late in the evening, getting close to dark so there were very few people out and around. He parked his car and reached in the backseat to grab a bag before climbing out of the car.

You knew he liked opening the door for you so you waited until he opened it before getting out as well. He took your hand and lead you to a park of the park that was empty and then dropped the bag on the ground and dug around, pulling an old blanket out.

“Picnic?” You asked, grinning from ear to ear.

“Is it okay?” He asked and you sat down when he spread the blanket out.

“It’s perfect.” You told him, watching as his face lit up. He sat down next to you and started pulling different snacks out of his bag, handing you some of your favorites.

“Mom helped pack the lunch.” He paused. “I had to stop her when she tried to cook a three course meal for us.”

You couldn’t help but laugh because it was a very Nadia thing to do.

“I love your mom.” You said. “I love your entire family.”

He smiled, looking at the ground as if he was concentrating on something. You knew the look enough that it meant he was going to say something but was either nervous and was working himself up to saying it or would decide not to say it at all.

But you wanted to know what he was thinking so you nudged him.

“What’s going on in your head?”

His cheeks were red when he lifted his head and he shrugged, smiling.

“I love you.”

Your smile was as bright as one of the stars and he met you halfway when you leaned towards him.

“I love you too.”

August

August was one of your least favourite months because it meant that summer was coming to an end. It also meant that off season was coming to an end and it meant that you and Mat would soon be heading back to New York. You loved it there, you really did. You missed your friends and your job but you knew you would miss B.C even more so when the day came that the two of you had to leave, you weren’t ashamed of the tears that were shed. Nadia made you promise to visit again soon and it was an easy promise to keep.

As soon as you got home, Mat was right back at training for the new season. It was a big change from spending basically every single day together to having to share him again with hockey. You loved Mat and you loved that he did what he loved but sometimes you did wish he had a normal nine to five job. He knew you felt that way some days and you could tell he sometimes felt a little bad about it but what you came to learn throughout your relationship with Mat, was that hockey nearly always came first. It was something that you struggled a lot with in the beginning of your relationship but it got a little easier as time went on.

On your best days, you would watch Mat train and feel pride in how determined and hard working he was.

On your worst days, you laid in bed at night and tried to think of your first kiss with the snow falling softly around you, warm sunny days at the lake and late nights under the stars.

Sometimes it was enough but sometimes, it wasn’t.

September

Wake Me Up When September Ends is the most played song on your playlist for an entire month.

October

You never know the biggest fight of your life is coming until it happens. It’s something that starts as the smallest of things until suddenly it hits you like a freight train and the impact is devastating.

That’s what the biggest fight of yours and Mat’s relationship was like.

You hated shouting and screaming. You hated threats to give everything up and walk away. You hated how easy it felt to do just that.

But what you hated most of all, was feeling like you were never enough. Like no Mater how hard you tried, failure was bound to happen and there was no way you could stop it.

And that was exactly what happened.

Slamming doors was your thing. It was childish and immature but it was a way of you making a point when you were angry about something so when Mat slammed a door, you knew he was past anger.

Mat rarely got angry with you. It could be counted on one hand the amount of times he even raised his voice at you but that night, the two of you yelled at each other until your voices were hoarse.

“Why can’t you understand where I’m coming from?” You snapped, watching him pace back and fourth across the living room. His hair was a mess, he had been running his hands through it and tugging enough that you thought he would tear it out.

“Because it makes no sense!” He yelled, “you knew what you signed up for when we started dating! I can’t be your typical nine to five boyfriend who comes home every night.”

“I’m not asking you to be that! I’m asking you to try and put more effort in to this relationship!” You shouted, not caring about the noise complaints you received from your neighbors a week later. “Do you know what it feels like when you feel that you’re the only one putting any effort in? What it feels like when you look at your friends relationships only to realize that yours isn’t even close to how good theirs is?”

“So you’re calling me a terrible boyfriend.” He said dryly.

“That’s not what I said and you know it. Stop putting words in my mouth, Mat.”

“I’m not putting words in your mouth if that’s what you’re saying. If you’re so unhappy, then why are you still with me, huh?”

His words stopped what you planned to say and you stared at him in shock. A small part of you wondered what the answer to his question was. Were you really that unhappy that you considered leaving?

“I…” you began but trailed off as you watched any emotion leave his face. The hurt and even anger disappeared and you didn’t realize how quiet the room was until he shook his head.

“I’ll make it easier for you.” He said, grabbing his coat and keys. “I’m done.”

You felt like you were frozen in place as you watched him leave, slamming the door behind him. Minutes passed before you slowly walked towards the front door, opening it in hopes that maybe just maybe he was standing on the other side but when you opened it, the hallway was empty. It was dead silent and when you looked at the floor, you saw Mat’s key to your apartment laying there, the little heart and smiley face you had drawn on it staring up at you as if it was mocking you.

You knelt down to pick it up and suddenly it felt like you couldn't breathe, like all the air was pulled from your lungs and your heart was cracking open.

If meeting Mat felt like breathing for the first time, then losing him felt like drowning.

November

You thought that heartbreak was something that passed eventually, that it got easier every day but it was a lie. You didn’t get over Mat quickly, in fact, it felt like every day got harder and you always told yourself you wouldn’t be that girl. The girl who gets her heart broken and can’t get over him. You wouldn’t cry yourself to sleep some nights or be afraid to turn the TV on in case it was the sports channel and you saw his face.

You scrubbed your apartment clean of him, everything he gave you and anything that reminded you of him sat in boxes on the top shelf of the spare bedroom. It didn’t help though because the memories, those were impossible to forget. They were engraved in your brain forever.

You hated him for how easily he left, how easy it was for him to walk out of your life as if he was never here.

Tito texted you a few time in the beginning, first asking what happened and then asking if you were okay or if you needed anything. You guessed he got the message when you didn’t answer because you haven’t heard from him in weeks and you weren’t sure if that made you relieved, or sad.

Falling in love was easy you realized.

Falling out of love was impossible.

December

A year passes swiftly. Especially when it’s both the best and worst year of your life. You hated yourself for it, but when December hits, you wondered how Mat was. You wondered if he got over you quickly or if he struggled the same way you did. You suspect it was the former.

At the end of every year, you liked to go through your things and donate what you don’t need or want. You started with your clothes and as you went through it, you noticed that you were missing several of your favourite outfits and your heart sank when you realized they were at Mat’s.

It left you with a dilemma. Leave them, or be a big girl and go ask for them back. You could go through Tito to get them back but you don’t know if he’s upset with you for ignoring him just because you broke up with Mat. He was your friend and it was unfair what you did but at the time, you were hurting.

But still, you decided to do it yourself and go get the clothes from Mat’s apartment and whatever else you might have left there. You did your best to get ready and look presentable and when you felt ready, you grabbed your keys and headed for the door. When you opened it, a hand nearly collided with your face as the person standing there was starting to knock. They jumped back and when you looked up, you found yourself staring in to the eyes of the exact person you were going to see.

“Mat.” You whispered, feeling like you needed to reach out and touch his face to make sure he was actually standing there and you weren’t hallucinating. But you didn’t because that would just make you look insane.

“Hi.” He said quietly and the two of you stood there for an unknown amount of time staring at each other.

Eventually, you found your voice.

“What are you doing here?” You asked, not harshly but confused.

He opened his mouth to say something but it was if he couldn’t get the words out. Like they were stuck in his throat.

“I’m sorry.” He finally said and you looked at him in shock.

“What?”

He scratched the back of his head and looked at the floor. “What I said to you… it was unfair. I know I fucked up, and I don’t deserve a second chance but these past two months, I missed you like Hell.”

You were lost for words. You couldn’t lie and say you didn’t miss him too but were you really willing to put your heart on the line again and it got broken so easily last time? Could you even handle another heartbreak like that?

“Can we… can you give me a second chance?” He asked so timidly and quietly that you barely heard him.

You let yourself think back over the past year, remembering every single detail. All the joy, laughter, love and heartbreak. Was it worth it? Risking everything again even though you could end up broken again?

You found yourself looking at Mat again, hazel eyes warm and hopeful and it makes you think of the very first time you met. You were faced with the same decision - to let him in or let him go?

You knew you could live without him but you realized standing there, thinking about the past and what the future could be - you didn’t want to live without him.

So you stood up on the tips of your toes and pulled his lips down to meet yours and it felt like you were whole again.

“I can.”

(a couple years down the road, you’ll be saying I do in front of your friends and family with the love of your life and you’ll realize that yes, the risk was worth it.)

#mathew barzal imagine #mat barzal imagine #mat barzal imagines #mat barzal fanfiction #nhl imagines #nhl imagine #hockey imagines #hockey imagine

246 notes · View notes

nctzendreamz · 3 years

Text

off the table — lee taeyong

genre: angst w/ hints of fluff.

warnings: language, mentions of drug abuse, and mental illness.

featuring: nct members + chan and felix from stray kids.

authors note: taeyong was perfect for this in my head. also, thank you ariana grande.

is love completely off the table?

will I ever love the same way again? will I ever love somebody like the way I did you?

it had been almost a year. almost a year since he had heard your laugh. you know, the one only he was capable of getting out of you. it was gentle, yet so vibrant that it could color even the most plain and unpleasant rooms. he had seen you do it a million times, but his favorite work of art of yours was the one you did on his heart.

obviously, he couldn’t see what the inside of him looked like. but he could feel it. before he met you, he was certain everything was pitch black. to be specific, the darkest shade of the night sky one could possible fathom. so much pain resided in him. some he brought to himself, some he did nothing to earn. regardless, it was there, and as anybody with demons did, he found coping methods.

that’s how he met you, actually. holed up a strip club he had no business being in. one, because there was no one here he truly wanted. he would never admit it outloud, but the thought of love warmed him. not much, but it did. more than silly one night stands that have soul ties no one wanted to keep.

you were clearly out of place in the building filled with the scent of marijuana and flashing lights, although it did perfectly consume your complexion in the most beautiful way. he observed you for what felt like hours, just admiring you. he had no idea he would want to do this for the rest of his life.

it didn’t take much liquid courage for him to approach you. he could sense your fear when his slender fingers touched your exposed shoulder. for some reason though, the minute your eyes locked it was as if you were looking at someone you had known for a million lifetimes. or maybe that was just Taeyong’s point of view. maybe, everything was all an illusion. meeting you. falling in love with you. you falling in love with him.

“it’s been awhile.” a voice snaps Taeyong out of his deep thinking. the minute his concentration breaks does his surroundings suddenly blast into the center of his cortex. the volume increases. he is in the real world again. he isn’t high, yet.

“yeah.” is all he can spit out. all of the different coversations he could hear take place all of a sudden was making him extremely frustrated and unable to form coherent thoughts. or maybe he wanted it that way so he wouldn’t have to think about you.

you loved coming here. he hated coming here. but he loved you, and your favorite thing to say to him was, “when you love someone, you do things you hate. just like me sitting and watching you smoke for hours without stopping.”

he never realized how much you hated his distractions.

the here, was a restaurant that resembled a sports bar back where you are from. the food was less Korean and more greasy chicken tenders. and you really admired their honey mustard. it was kind of ridiculous how much you loved this place. it was always crowded. the smell was odd - a mixture of people who can’t seem to do anything but drink beer and yell, and foreigners who hated living in Korea. this was the only taste of home they got, so they took advantage of it.

did you feel that way too?

he doesn’t know. and he doesn’t want to think about it. some soccer game was on. people were cheering. he was just waiting on his to-go order.

“how have you been?” the familiar woman asks behind the counter. she was definitely in her mid-50’s. he assumed. she always would be here when Taeyong was dragged along, and she was always nice. who wouldn’t be with all the money you gave to this place.

“i’ve been fine.”

taeyong feels a little cheery conversating with another human. if it wasn’t his dealer, there wasn’t anything to say if he was being quite honest. his relationship with his family died out a long time ago. the only person that he could talk to was himself. the guys who were constantly down in the basement at his dealer were cool, but they never really got him. they thought he was weird, violent. only you cared enough to see how sweet he was. to paint him.

“good to hear. you tell your lover that i miss them!”

his heart, still colored from the mention of you, breaks. it had broken many times from your presence on this earth being acknowledged. everytime his chest would explode into his stomach.

he couldn’t say anything.

he simply walks out the place, not caring about manners. he just wants to go home. he doesn’t even like these fucking chicken tenders, but he’s going to go home and eat them. in your honor.

“excuse me.” a voice exclaims as he finally makes it outside.

once again, words don’t leave his mouth. the woman was probably lost. he truthfully didn’t care. he didn’t care about anything anymore.

“sorry,” she begins. her hair is almost a white color. it’s clearly dyed, but she might have been naturally a darker shade of blonde since the coloring seemed too perfect. “i just...i’ve been watching you - wait, that sounds incredible creepy—“

no one could compare to you, but she reminded him of you. you always did this when you were nervous, or had a severe lack of sleep. you would say things you considered to be silly. fumble with your words. and you would always ruin it more by acknowledging it.

but he was never irritated. he thought it was the cutest thing in the entire world. you were the cutest thing in the entire world.

even now, he’s okay. maybe because he was reminded of you, he can appreciate the art.

“you’re really cute.” she finally spits out.

he couldn’t respond, for the third time today.

why was this so hard? it has almost been a fucking year. a year without you. a year without touching you.

yet, no one could ever compare. not the blonde woman standing in front of him. not the sky. not the stupid bar. even his drugs seemed lackluster to the high you gave him whenever you told him you loved him.

he walks away. he needs something. something to make him unable to think for the rest of the night.

never thought you’d be so damn hard to replace. i swear I don’t mean to be this way, if I can’t have you? is love completely off the table?

“y/n? you there?” you feel vibrations from snapping on your face from the man sitting beside you. he snapped three times, to be exact.

“yeah! yes.” you quickly correct, adjusting your posture along with it.

“i know you appreciate the arts, but that painting is nothing to stare at.”

the painting chan was referring to, seemed plain to a simple eye. it simply, was a black square. but you saw worlds in it. you saw him.

“you know christopher,” you cooed, giving his slim cheek a quick sqeeze before continuing, “just because something seems boring to the naked eye, doesn’t mean it actually is. sometimes, a simple work of art such as that lame black square can hold a thousand meanings.”

he smile is radiant. honestly, the neon colored walls in the movie theater couldn’t compare to it no matter how hard it tried. lately, you had been trying to predict what he would say when you tried to be somewhat of substance around him. you were truthfully scared of boring him.

maybe you saw yourself in the black square as well.

“you really find it interesting, love?”

his accent - God his accent. it had an effect on you that truthfully wasn’t healthy, but even so you always felt guilty when your heart would papilate as it touched your eardrums. but why? you were single. you were moving on.

you can’t even look at him anymore, so you settle on the painting once more. now that you think about it, it was kind of scary that it was in a movie theater. maybe chan was on to something - what was its purpose? to simply cause you pain? to make you think about things and people you could no longer have? a person who is the worst possible thing for your growth, but the best food for your pitiful, lonely soul?

“never mind, you’re right.” you stand promptly, suddenly wanting to get as far away from the evil on the wall. it didn’t matter how chilly it was outside.

“woah.” chan chases after you. you’re too quick though. you’ve practically swam through the crowd to escape into fresh air. what is wrong with you?

it doesn’t take long for you to find yourself at his car. his pride and joy by the way, in which he never let anyone else ride in yet. he had been saving for so long to get it. you didn’t know the model, all you knew was that it made loud noises when he wanted it to. the car was originally white, but the two of you agreed that it was the worse possible color for a car, so he got a paint job and now it was as black as a dark hole.

the stars are beaming, and it’s odd. you used to love nights like this. you preferred the day time, but it was something about a light in the dark, such as the moon that pulled you in. it always destroyed you in the end though.

“what did I do?” his voice snaps you out of your thoughts.

“huh?” you wizzle in confusion, not understanding why he believed he had done anything but gave you a peaceful night not lost in your thoughts.

his eyes tell you everything you need to know before his mouth does. he isn’t questioning your ever changing emotions and happiness to hear satisfaction from your mouth - to boost his ego. he truly feels as if he’s ruined any chance he’s had with you simply from being himself. even so, as he waits for you to answer he’s taking his bomber jacket off for you to wear. he was sweet like that.

“chris, you are always perfect. why would you think anything different?” you say as you put the jacket on.

he’s holding back a smile, but you can tell it’s more so from your proper word choice, and not what you said.

“you trying to sound English?”

“no.” you giggle, pushing his shoulder lightly. “I’m just trying to communicate with you.”

“then tell the truth.” he prompts, taking a step closer to you.

“can I lean on the car?”

“yes.” he laughs in a low tone. “you can lean on the car.”

“okay.”

silence is filling the air, and it’s making you sick even though it shouldn’t be.

“y/n.” he finally speaks. you decide you have the balls to look at him even though it feels so wrong. the stars - they’re sparkling right into his eyes and you know you are the dumbest idiot on earth.

why can’t you just choose him?

the question is repeating over and over in your head, but no answer comes. well, no answer you want to hear comes. this should’ve been easy money. the perfect guy, with a good family and solid morals is madly in love with you. he’s still here, even when you barely give him anything to work with, and you’re thinking about others who were nothing close to that no matter how they made you feel.

“my confession ruined everything, didn’t it?”

it was about two months ago that chan confessed his love for you. you laughed a bit, as it made no sense. the two of you had been in the same circle for awhile, and you had been notified of his appreciation for you long ago, but he had seen you break. he watched you go from happy soul to broken and he still liked you? in what world?

you enjoyed his company. that’s why you began to hang out with him practically everyday - doing whatever you two wanted. most of the time you two just watched movies, or played silly board games. but sometimes you would go shopping, or he would play you his music he worked on. you could tell he lacked confidence on what he could become, but you knew he had the potential to be so great.

his confession was short and sweet. and the way he approached you, you could tell he was somewhat confident that you would feel the same. you did feel the same, but you also still had feelings for others. when you declined his request to take things to the next level, he didn’t get upset. or at the least he didn’t show it.

he promised the two of you would move at your pace. and that was all you needed to hear to know that maybe one day, when you got yourself together, the two of you could be something.

chan always protected you. you never felt endangered, or unsafe when you were with him. to you, he was sweet, to others he was still sweet, but he knew when to be stern.

“no. i promise.” is all you answer. “it’s cold.” here you go again trying to change the subject. this wasn’t like you.

he promptly unlocks the door to his car, opening it for you as well. it isn’t long before he’s on the drivers side turning on the car so you could feel some heat on your body.

“i won’t bring it up anymore.” he sighs.

“no chris. you bring it up everytime you feel it. i like you, okay? i do. i know I’ve never said it out loud before, but I do. i just...i don’t know what I’m doing right now. there are some things I have to get over you know?”

you can tell the amount of words you used - probably the most you had spoken to him in months shocked him, and made him feel extremely guilty. you know he didn’t want you to feel like he was trying to pressure you. all he wanted to have was something. something that made him feel as special as he knew you had made others feel in the past.

“y/n I’m a fucking idiot. God, don’t listen to me. you are perfect okay? we are working at your pace and we always will. i - fuck.” his face goes directly in his hands.

it’s cute - the way he cares about his every move around you so deeply. you remember what it felt like to feel like that. it was the most nerve wracking, yet butterfly giving thing to experience when around someone you admired so much.

“chris...” you whisper, removing his face from his palms. he had the softest hands ever. “hey, don’t beat yourself up okay? i know what you want and I know you have nothing but the purest intentions. if I didn’t feel that way I wouldn’t want to spend everyday with you okay? whatever you think this is, it is. i promise.”

“okay.” he sighs the biggest breath of relief you had heard in a long time. “okay. i know what we need.” he offers. your hand lingered on his, and he decided it would be best to hold yours as the opportunity presented itself. it’s nice - the warmness. yet, it feels incredibly wrong.

you truly didn’t mean to be this way. you would do anything to not be this way.

“let’s go cop something from felix. hm?”

what chan was reffering to was the good ole’ mean green, weed. you smoked a lot more in the past than you did now, but you were still no angel. especially tonight did getting high sound like the best decision you could have made.

“yes please.” you say without hesitation, leaning back in the seat. your left hand is still in chan’s right, and you don’t plan on letting go. felix’s house isn’t that far from here, so you know your pleasure will be coming sooner or later. chan starts the car and begins the journey. usually, the two of you drive with music on, but tonight the silence was what the both of you wanted.

secretly though, chan snuck his AirPod into his left ear. he loved music, but he could tell you weren’t in the mood. and he didn’t mind that. he would do anything for you. the lyrics resonated with his with his soul so much that he felt it ache, even though he felt he had no right.

i’ll wait for you

even if I always feel like I’ll be number two

to someone you can’t hold anymore

taeyong can’t even recall how long he had been pent up here, high as hell. intoxicated as fuck. the chicken tender meal he brought had been long gone, but not from his mouth. the junkies smelt food, and took food like the animals they claimed to be.

this all sucked so bad. he hated being here. but he couldn’t move.

it was so loud in here. the boys he knew - johnny, mark, and jaehyun were all present. they seemed to be the leaders of the basement and they also seemed to be functioning quite well considering how high they also were. taeyong couldn’t fathom or make out what their conversation were, but he assumed it was about girls. he caught, “they’re supposed to be here any minute now.” from jaehyun’s lip. he seemed to be the strongest ladies man. all taeyong knew, was that he wanted no parts of the drug induced orgy he knew was going to take place. he also knew if he didn’t leave, they didn’t care. they were going to give a show regardless.

“taeyong!” johnny yells, bringing him back to focus. johnny was always very intimidating. he wore a smile when he got what he wanted, but if he spoke to you and you didn’t listen, he quickly got upset. maybe he was different when he was sober, but that was never.

“what’s up.” taeyong answers dryly, still not looking at him.

“you know,” johnny sits down in the dirty floor right beside him. “you’ve never been fun, but you were more fun before than you are now.”

“i went through this phase.” mark interrupts, taking the seat on taeyong’s opposite side. “what is it? mommy issues? a girl? or a boy? if you get spicy like that.” he chuckles. he coughs right after.

“how about everything. except the last part.” taeyong whispers.

“oh...you have it rough. was your mom a druggie too?”

“no - well, I don’t know. i met her like once when I was younger. she told me ‘i did it for your good’ and left.”

“so you were in a foster home? or did you get adopted?”

“foster home. neglected, so now I’m like this.” he chuckles. he’s laughing, but in reality to admit these things out loud hurt, even though he was sure the other boys had similar or worse stories.

“and the girl?” mark asks. he had began to roll up another blunt in the midst of taeyong’s life story. maybe it was too much for him. or maybe he was just an addict.

“i cheated. and i was mean. she was the best thing ever though. she got me clean.”

“for what? a day?” johnny laughs outloud.

“well, not clean clean.” he explains. “but off the hard stuck like coke, and lsd and shit. we both smoked weed. and I smoked cigs.”

“ew!” the two of them exclaim. “cigs?”

“so you’re telling me that the two of you do every drug under the sun, but cigarettes are where you draw the line?”

“duh!”

“have you seen all the commercials? with the person with the hole in their throat sounding like the old shriveled lady from spongebob going ‘chocolate!’ we don’t want that!”

“cigarettes aren’t the only thing that can cause that, you know?”

“whatever.” johnny shivers as if he had just gotten the worse news ever. “so this girl wasn’t a druggie? why did she even like you?”

“i don’t know. still to this day I don’t know. but she did. and she tried everything to make me happy. it just felt too good to be true, so I ruined it.”

“damn bro.” mark sighs, taking a deep puff of his blunt. “i thought people only did stupid shit like that in the movies or tv shows.”

“hey hey now, markie.” a voice speaks out of the corner. “be nice to our new friend.”

it’s jaehyun. funny enough, jaehyun tried to get at you once long before you met taeyong, but you had no interest in him once you found out his issues. then again, while he was attracted to you, he didn’t want you to love him. he just wanted to corrupt you.

“our boy is broken hearted. seems to me like he just needs some fun.”

“relax, jae.” johnny explains. “he’s not there yet. let him fall for us on his time.”

“what are you on right now?” jaehyun inspects.

“just a couple of blunts.”

“so just a starter?”

“hyung...” mark sighs.

“okay okay. fine. but when the heartbreak starts to kick in more, i got something that’ll change your life. you just let me know.”

“he will.” johnny and mark say once again in unison.

“boys!” a voice yells. it makes everyone stand up minus taeyong, as he had no idea who it was. he can hear feet coming down the steps. there’s a boy with blonde hair. the same boy who let him in. he was a new face, but clearly an important one from the way even jaehyun was waiting for his comment.

“hi felix!” everyone begins to repeat after eachother.

his voice is deep as he speaks, and his accent is thick. his face itself may have not been scary, but the way he carried himself was.

“clean up this fucking mess. i know you can’t do anything about the shitty couches, but make an attempt. i got some good people coming over and I need quiet. when I bring them down here to show them the product, i need everyone on their best behavior.”

“what exactly does that mean?” taeyong speaks. maybe he shouldn’t have, because everyone is looking at him as if he just called the president a bitch to his face or something.

“you’re new here.” felix explains as he finishes his strut down the stairs. he can be seen more clearly now, and his outfit reminds taeyong of someone you knew. he couldn’t remember his name, but it was chan or something. “well, new to me.”

“and?”

“and...” felix crouches to his level. “im the boss. and all of you do what I say. my brother ran this like a crackhouse. i want us to make some real money, therefore you all will be getting cleaned up. there will be people coming in and out, looking at what we have, so try not to act like the druggie you are. thanks.”

“yes sir.” taeyong says, although he has no intentions of respecting this felix cat.

the doorbell rings promptly. the house wasn’t so big that they wouldn’t be able to hear. clearly this felix had plans to change that, but for now he had to settle.

“that’ll be them. look like friends so they won’t be scared. they’re not like us. or, what you will be.”

with that he leaves. everyone is silent as they want to know who exactly is this person. they all expected some rich man with a million connections to be at the door. they hear one voice - an accent is present. he’s laughing, and they hear the sound of them dapping up.

“friend.” the voice says. they must have not seen each other in a long while. “what’s up? how have you been?”

“oh, I’ve never been better.” felix says. “and y/n.”

the sound of your name makes taeyong’s heart stop in his chest. what the? how could you of all people be here? you hated drugs. this was clearly a trap house. this is where taeyong would go to get everything you wanted, but you always refused to go with him. what male had you here?

jaehyun is smiling as he recognizes your name too. taeyong can’t notice though as he is genuinely about to have a panic attack.

“come downstairs will you? since chan told me it was a special occasion, I decided I’d let you two take a look.”

“felix...are you running a trap house?” you joke, not realizing how true your words were.

“not at all, sweets.” he relaxes you. “i just have good shit from my brother that needs to be sold. this is our little secret though.”

“we know.” chan answers for you. “snitches get stitches.”

“and end up in ditches.” felix finishes. “there are people down here, but they’re just chilling. don’t be scared.”

the three of you make your way down to the basement. jaehyun is the first face you recognize. you feel sick, but he didn’t phase you that much.

the black haired boy though, sandwiched between two other guys, makes your trip and fall on the disgusting floor.

it’s him. it’s really him.

why? all you wanted to do was have fun. all you wanted to do was forget him.

you can see in his eyes does he want to explode. but this was his fault. this was all his fault.

to be continued...

#nct #nct 127 #nct imagine #taeyong nct #NCT angst #nct reactions #taeyong series #taeyong angst #taeyong imagine #nct imagines #NCT series #stray kids #stray kids felix #chan stray kids

95 notes · View notes

medea10 · 3 years

Text

My Review of Trigun

How did I get into this anime? Let’s just say this was one of those animes that used to air on Saturday nights back in the day that I would every now and then come across while waiting for either Full Metal Alchemist, InuYasha, or Cowboy Bebop to air. But I never did watch a full episode or know a damn thing about this anime. So I’m just jumping into this anime blindfolded. All I know is that this was Johnny Yong Bosch’s first anime role.

Who is Vash the Stampede?

A frequent question that comes up throughout the series! Rumor has it that he wears a long, red trench coat and sports a Mohawk hairstyle. Some say he’s a notorious lecher. Many recount him shooting up their villages to a pile of rubble just for the heck of it. He has quite the reputation as he has a $$60,000,000,000 bounty on his head and is often known as the “Humanoid Typhoon”.

In reality, Vash the Stampede is…a bit of a dingus. He just happens to be at the wrong place at the wrong time and things kinda get out of hand. But that doesn’t stop two insurance agents (Milly Thompson and Meryl Stryfe) from following him around to confirm Vash’s identity and keep his actions to a minimum. At first, it’s hard to tell if he’s a stupid-genius or just flighty and gets lucky one too many times. But when shit goes down, don’t be surprised when you see this doofus get serious.

BETWEEN THE SUB AND THE DUB: Okay, what sad company did this use to belong to, Geneon, Bandai, or ADV Films? Oh, Geneon! That means good voice actors from L.A. put in really shitty roles. On the contrary, this was a fairly decent English dub. And on a severely positive note, this was indeed Johnny Yong Bosch’s very first anime role (and a main role at that). This was like fresh off his time as a Power Ranger! And I gotta give props for giving this guy a chance at voice acting. This role was the launching point to what has been a very successful career for Bosch. As for the sub, let’s just say I’m happy any time I get to hear Hiromi Tsuru in something besides Dragon Ball. Here’s what you might recognize these folks from.

JAPANESE CAST: *Vash is played by Masaya Onosaka (known for Bill on Pokemon, Isaac on Baccano, Jadeite on Sailor Moon, Kero on Cardcaptor Sakura, Leeron on Gurren Lagann, France on Hetalia, and Spandam on One Piece)

*Meryl is played by Hiromi Tsuru (known for Bulma on DBZ, Ukyo on Ranma ½, Yubel on YGO GX, and Mika on Gravitation) [R.I.P.]

*Milly is played by Satsuki Yukino (known for Kagome on InuYasha, Mion/Shion on Higurashi, Tae on Gintama, Amakata on Free!, Hiiragi on Natsume Yuujinchou, Mutsumi on Love Hina, and Yoruichi on Bleach)

ENGLISH CAST: *Vash is played by Johnny Yong Bosch (known for Ichigo on Bleach, Lelouch on Code Geass, Makoto on Free!, Izaya on Durarara, Artemis on Sailor Moon redub, Koizumi on Haruhi Suzumiya, and Yukio on Blue Exorcist)

*Meryl is played by Dorothy Elias-Fahn (known for Kaoru on Rurouni Kenshin, Naru on Love Hina, Tomoe on Rozen Maiden, Hakuei on Magi, Houki on Fushigi Yugi, and Amane on Tenchi Muyo GXP)

*Milly is played by Lia Sargent (known for Dorothy on The Big O and Judy on Cowboy Bebop)

FAVORITE CHARACTER: Milly! I don’t need a reason, it’s Milly!

SHIPPING: I didn’t really start thinking about shipping until more than halfway into this series. I thought there might be something between Vash and Meryl, but then again maybe not! Then I saw the backstory of Vash’s “younger days” and falling for the one woman who showed him compassion.

Yes, this is the same woman we consistently see in Vash’s flashbacks, Rem. Ooh boy, it’s one of those stories! So yeah, never mind my thinking with Vash x Meryl ever happening. I feel like Vash will mourn Rem’s death for a long time that I don’t think the whole thing with Meryl will ever work.

And as for Wolfwood x Milly…

FUUUUUUUCK! WHY DID YOU RUIN THIS CUTE COUPLE?!

MILLY WAS HEART-BROKEN!

…At least she got to have one night of passion with Wolfy-boy before the unthinkable happened.

THAT DARN CAT: If you watched this series, you might have noticed a little black cat spotted in nearly every episode. It’s there in the opening theme. It’s there in random places throughout the series. It’s there in the ending theme. What’s up with this cat? Well, there are a lot of theories surrounding this particular cat (or Kuroneko). Some say it’s really Rem inside that cat since you see it in literally every episode around Vash. Others say it’s because the creator of Trigun wanted to just mess with your minds with the kitty walking around in random places and towns. Seriously, it will always appear in every new town Vash and the gang comes across! As an avid cat enthusiast, I’m fine with whatever the result. Just as long as no harm comes to the little Kuroneko.

HALFWAY POINT: Halfway into the series we notice something more when it comes to Mr. Vash the Stampede. First of all, those horrifying scars all over his body! Second, that mysterious girl he often thinks about. I mean, we see flashes of her in the opening sequence. And third, the reason why he never kills. Vash has the ability of causing so much damage when pushed to a breaking point. One of the many reasons why he’s known as the “humanoid typhoon”! And that was perfectly shown when Vash chases the residents out of a town (so there would be no casualties), totally demolished the town during a fight, and made an indent on the moon!

But the story takes a sharp-left turn into WTF territory when we learn about WHAT exactly Vash is. Vash is a plant. Vash also has a brother named Knives. And while Vash has a mentality that all beings have a right to live, Knives has a “kill them all and let God sort them out” point of view. Now the existence of Vash and Knives came with a lot of controversy, especially in the ship that they were on. But that girl who Vash cares for, Rem cared for them regardless of what they were. Rem had high hopes for a peaceful world with coexistence. Too bad Knives had other motives and killed her.

ENDING TO TV SERIES: Vash has tried so hard to keep Milly, Meryl, and Wolfwood out of harm’s way. He knows there are some pretty bad people after him, including his polar-opposite brother, Knives. Vash hates death and wants to save as many people as humanly possible. He doesn’t want to see any more needless death. Probably from his flashbacks and losing Rem! Unfortunately, this doesn’t go so well.

I can see how iconic this death was now after witnessing it. Wolfwood, the priest who would hook up with Vash every now and then when they’re up against some ruffians, now finds himself in a crucial decision. He gets orders that he must eliminate Vash. And Wolfwood ends up dying instead in a very dramatic death scene. God-damn! And just that scene where Milly is sobbing freakin’ eats you up inside.

At least she had one night of passion before the unfortunate happened!

Vash hates the thought of having to kill anyone. But he might not have a choice if Knives is coming after him and even hires a powerful foe from a previous episode and the guy that killed Wolfwood to take you out. Once Vash met up with Knives, he winds up having some pretty sick flashbacks of Knives. But our homeboy was able to take out Knives, the desert area gets water, and…

I’m gonna have to read the fucking manga for more, right?

Tap dancing fuck!

BADLANDS RUMBLE: 12 years after the series ended, Japan decides to release a side-story in the form of a movie, bringing back our favorite characters like Vash, Wolfwood, Milly, and Meryl. And yes, reuniting the cast…in Japan.

By 2010, Geneon was as good as dead and FUNimation licensed Trigun. In short, they managed to get Johnny Young Bosch to reprise his role as Vash the Stampede. But everyone else was replaced. And surprisingly, the people they got to do Wolfwood and Milly were pretty freakin’ close to their original voices. Meryl’s voice, come on I know Luci Christian any-damn-where! Vash helps a young lady take out a big-bad guy (who turns out to be his father). And it has the feel of the original series where it’s set in a western town with lots of booze and shoot-em-ups! It’s an interesting side-story to the Trigun trilogy.

Trigun was a pretty good anime. I mean, not one of my favorites, but I can definitely see a lot of people sticking by this classic. Maybe you can chalk up my blah attitude to the fact that I’m not fond of westerns and I kinda took it out on Trigun. Or the fact that there was so much more that the anime could have covered before the end and the ending kinda felt off to me! Like I thought I was expecting more. But I suppose that’s what mangas are for. To be honest, the stories that really grabbed my attention were the back-stories with Vash and Knives and Wolfwood’s final episode.

*sniffles* At least Milly got one night of passion before he died!

If you would like to check out Trigun, all the episodes are available through FUNimation and Hulu (in both Japanese and English). And if you really like the anime, why not purchase the hard copies? Both the series and movie are available for home video.

Okay, that took me a while, but I’m glad to finish Trigun. What’s next on the FUNimation list?

EEHHHHHEEEHHHE

Fuck is that supposed to mean? What is that? Is that even in English?

YOU WILL BE HORRIBLY MUTILATED: The Isekai

Do you mean Re:Zero? That’s great…but that review’s not ready yet. And it probably won’t be until after April 2021! So let’s cast caution to the wind and pick another FUNimation licensed anime.

You’re watching Sarazanmai next. It’s best if you don’t ask questions.

Sarazanmai? The fuck does that even mean?!

OH. MY. GOD.

#trigun #vash the stampede #meryl stryfe #milly thompson #nicholas d wolfwood #knives millions #anime review

22 notes · View notes

ddarker-dreams · 4 years

Text

Going out is always a hassle.

There was a risk of being swarmed by nuisances, buzzing with their questions about the Sports Festival. The extra nosy bunch might even inquire about Bakugou when he was in the hands of the League of Villains.

All of it put Bakugou in a bad mood, so he avoids extremely public areas when he can. That string of luck could only last for so long, unfortunately. His mom had asked him to pick up a few items from the mall, and he was incapable of getting out of her request.

That lead Bakugou to his current situation. One where he’s seething silently, his expression just daring for anyone to come over. It’s been working decently so far, as most people have left him alone.

Nearing the end of his unwelcome journey, Bakugou happens to walk by the food court. He was never one to care about his surroundings in a place like this, but a distant color caught his eye.

That... that was your hair, right?

Bakugou blinks, suddenly pausing in the middle of the busy crowd. Ignoring the people throwing disdainful glares at his actions, he narrows his eyes to confirm what he saw.

You were with a group of friends from school. A couple of the girls from 1-A, it looks like. Bakugou would normally pay them no mind, but your presence his caught his attention. He decides he’ll see what you’re up to, just for curiosity's sake.

Bakugou has been looking out for you for some time now, despite hardly ever interacting with you. There was a certain pleasant twist in his heart every time he saw you, an addicting feeling he couldn’t get enough of.

Wanting his fill of you for the day, Bakugou situates himself behind a wall near your table. He almost huffs as he hears a chorus of giggles, irate at the noise. But all that washes away as your angelic voice graces his ears.

“Come on guys, stop teasing--”

“We’re just surprised, that’s all.”

Your words had been cut off by... Uraraka, right? He could hear how flustered you are, daydreaming about a cute blush on your face. The topic of the conversation was now of great interest to him.

“Tell us more, tell us more!” Mina exclaims energetically. Bakugou leans closer to the wall as he hears you sigh.

“W-well, I don’t know what else to say... Ah, it’s all so embarrassing.” you respond, a nervous laugh leaving your lips.

Taking a deep breath, you prepare to offer your friends a better explanation.

“I’ve been thinking about it for some time now. Maybe leaving a letter and asking to see him? Like in the movies, right?”

Your voice is meek, seeking out validation for your ideas. Bakugou’s heart begins racing at an unhealthy pace, as he can vaguely piece together where this was going. Even if he was the furthest thing from a hopeless romantic, he knew what talk like this meant.

His love... you were interested in someone?

Dizziness swarms his head, sweat dripping down the side of his face. Anxious thoughts begin to repeat, as a cruel reality was possible. If someone else had caught your eye, Bakugou couldn’t even begin to wonder what he’d do.

It was a double edged sword. The mere thought of you loving him back brought him to cloud nine. Fantasies that he’s long desired to fulfill could finally take place, you would finally know the depths of his adoration for you.

Which one would it be? Bakugou’s breathing is unsteady, as he desperately clings to the wall behind him. More mindless chatter, no names being dropped. Who the hell were you talking about?

The mere anticipation was driving him crazy. Just when he was about to burst, a name leaves your lips.

“Do you think Tetsu-kun would like that?”

Time halts.

‘Te... tsu?’

Bakugou’s eye twitches, his lips forming a snarl.

You liked someone else. You, the person he cared about most in the world. You, the person he thought about nonstop. You, the person whose smile could make him lightheaded for days.

You, the person that he loved.

It’s too much, it’s all to much. He feels sick, angry, bitter, flecks of hatred, nothing but disgust--

Overwhelming his senses, constricting airflow from his lungs. There’s a taste of blood, what was that?

Looking down, Bakugou sees crimson delicately dropping from his lip. Ah, that was it. The taste of iron flattens against his tongue, from his teeth biting his lip too hard. Stumbling forward, Bakugou comes to the realization that people were beginning to stare in his direction.

His eyes must’ve been in a crazed state, as parents beckoned their children to look away.

He can’t stay here. His body is physically ill, rejecting the concept of someone as precious as you with anyone but him. A nightmare was unveiling itself before him, and he felt powerless to stop it.

Awkwardly, Bakugou manages to find his way around the masses. Mind drowning out anything and anyone, his vision remains unsteady.

Those were the doors to the outside, right?

Bakugou gulps in the fresh air, his lungs hungrily taking in what they were deprived of moments before. Chest heaving, Bakugou feels an unknown sting in the corner of his eyes. Ignoring the foreign sensation, he furiously rubs his wrist to his eyes.

‘Fuck. This isn’t happening.’

Numbness sets in. After a blazing front of emotions, a comfortless absence of feeling kicks in. Uncaring of the people around him, he slumps carelessly onto the ground.

Mind reeling, wondering. Your sweet voice delivered a death sentence to his heart, one that he desperately sought to reverse.

Thoughts of malicious nature fill his mind. Ones that should not stem from someone seeking to become a hero, but intruded his mind nonetheless. Bakugou feels yet another pinch in his chest as he recalls the name you previously stated.

“Tetsu.” he grumbles to himself, fists balled by his side. Fury and resent fill his eyes as he lifts himself from the ground, strength crawling back to his form.

Every problem has a solution.

‘He’s dead.’

#katsuki bakugou #bakugou #bakugou katsuki #bakugou x reader #yandere bakugou #bnha #bnha imagine #bnha imagines #bnha x reader #yandere bnha #yandere #yandere x reader #yandere x you #yandere imagines #my stuff

792 notes · View notes

skylarmoon71 · 4 years

Text

Earth 2 Harrison Wells x Reader-Imagine

Disclaimer: I don’t own the Flash.

“Woooo!” you grinned listening through the com link as Jesse and Wally were helping with a robbery. Harry had that constant frown and you just directed your gaze back to the two dots that were zipping after the car. They passed the car easily, forcing the criminals in the vehicle to pull up to a stop. “Alright, cuff them quick, remember don’t let him touch you. “ Barry instructed.

In a matter of seconds both criminals had no choice but to walk out of the cars. All three speedsters had them cornered.

“Mission completed. “ Wally said. You fist pumped. “We’re coming in.” Barry said. You pulled out your earplug, awaiting their arrival. You twisted your chair, ready to maybe get a bite to eat. Barry was probably carrying those guys to iron heights. “All in a day's work.” you spoke. When you looked back Harry was still leaned over the desk. You had a feeling you knew why.

“Hey Oscar, quit being a grouch.” he turned to you with an annoyed look.

“I don’t appreciate the nicknames you and Cisco insist on using on me.”

“Well maybe if you smiled once in a while we wouldn’t have too.” he just looked back at his computer.

“Stop worrying. Jesse’s a smart girl. She knows how to handle herself. She’s your daughter after all.”

A ghost of a smile made its way on his face. You and Harry never really got along, but every once in a while you would have moments like this. Honestly, you were sporting a huge crush on him. That’s why when he first came you made it your mission to avoid him. Whenever you did bump into him you gave him the cold shoulder.

You couldn’t trust him, and for good reason. After what happened with Eobard you told yourself you’d never trust anyone with that face again. Little did you know there was an entire multiverse of Wells.

Lucky you.

As time went on though, it was becoming harder to deny your growing attraction for the man. When you found out about his daughter, your wall slowly crumbled and you made any and all efforts to comfort him. The both of you still bickered though.

At that point you decided it was better to just give up on your feelings. He obviously didn’t feel the same way. And it didn’t make sense chasing after a man that had no interest in you.

With that thought you turned, exiting the cortex.

“Maybe I’ll stop by the store and get some beer.” you could tell it was going to be a long day. Might as well treat yourself with some booze and outdated movies.

~~~

“So what do we have today?” When you strutted into the cortex the next morning you were shocked to see no one there. Harry was the only one at his desk. He looked up, making a face when he saw you. You frowned. You were going to deal with this once and for all. You could deal with him not having feelings for you, but that didn’t give him the right to treat you like crap.

“Hey what’s your deal with me!” you demanded. He looked over, wondering if it was him you were yelling at.

“Excuse me?” you pointed. “Don't pull that excuse me crap, you know what I’m talking about. Ever since you got here you’ve treated everyone like the dirt beneath your feet. I allowed it at the beginning because you were a grieving parent, but your attitude still stinks, especially with me.” He slammed down his tool.

“I don’t recall being obligated to be a nice person. I’m not Ramon and Allen. I’m not here to be your friend. My only goal is to help with the new threat that’s it. “ you scoffed.

“You really are something else. I’m not asking you to be a saint. But would it kill you to wear a smile, or say good morning!!” he walked towards you like a lion approaching it’s prey. You almost backed down when he was standing right in front of you. He was staring you down, and all at once you seemed to lose the ability to speak. He towered you, blue eyes pinning you in your spot.

“Is there anything else you would like to get off your chest.” his voice was lower and you felt like the air had been smacked right out of you.

“N-No I-I..I uh..” somehow you forgot how to make actual sentences.

“I have no desire to be your crouch. Snow told me about your relationship with the previous Wells.” His words made you take a step back.

“W-What does that have to do with…”

“He broke your heart. Maybe it's your fault for being so naive. “ you felt a pang in your chest at his words. You looked up at him, eyes watering. You weren’t sure how, but at that moment Harry looked like he actually regretted the words he said. He looked down running a hand over his face.

“Listen that was..I didn’t mean it like that I just-” you didn’t want to hear his explanation.

“I think you’ve said all that you wanted.” you replied coldly. You tried to hide the tightening in your throat as best you could when you spoke.

“I won’t waste time trying to get close to another Wells. I should have learned my lesson the first time. “ with that you were gone. Upon your exit you almost crashed into Barry. He held you by the shoulders apologizing. When he saw your fresh tears he tried to find out the reason. You pulled away from him, rushing off. Barry’s eyes moved in Harry’s direction. He looked pissed.

“What did you say to (Y/N)!” he accused.

“You don’t have to lecture me Allen. I already know I messed up. “ Harry turned back to his desk. He wanted to punch himself.

~~~~

That night you were tucked in your bed, legs pulled to your chest. The memories of Dr. Wells, or Thawne for that matter replaying in your head. All the sweet words he said to you. How special he said you were. It was all a lie, a facade to ensure he accomplished his goal. You regret everything you ever felt for him. In some sick way Harry was right. If you weren’t blinded by your feelings for him maybe it would have been easier to see through him. Even when you found out about him you never wanted to believe it. But all the evidence was there, and when you confronted the man, when he was standing right in front of you, he never even looked sorry. He just wore that stupid smirk on his face. That sinister smile as he ripped your heart out of your chest and threw it in your face.

“(Y/N). “ you cursed at the voice behind you. After your little spew with Harry you made it your mission to avoid him. You succeeded for about a week. Of course he was going to find you sooner or later. The person who called you wasn’t Harry though, it was his daughter. You turned to her, forcing a smile on your face. “Hey..” you said a bit awkwardly. You could tell by the look on her face that she wanted an explanation. “What’s going on with you and Dad. “ you were hoping she wouldn’t ask that. “Nothing, you know us we could hardly stand each other.”

She placed a hand on her hip. “Yeah, usually you’re going at it like an old married couple, but you haven’t talked in so long and dad he’s..he’s not acting like himself.” you were a bit worried. Then you remembered why you were angry at him.

“That’s not my problem.” you stated flatly. You knew it was mean, but he was the one that said those things to you. He had no right.

Jesse looked ready to say something, but the person you were dreading walked out from behind her and you suddenly felt like crying again.

He stepped forward and just as he opened his mouth alarms started blaring. You flinched and Jesse braced. “Someone’s in Star Labs!” she bolted out to scope out the threat and Harry moved closer to you.

“You can yell at me later. Right now just stay close.” he instructed. You nodded. As much as he made your blood boil, it wouldn’t do any good if a dangerous meta was loose and either of you got hurt because of a spat.

You followed close behind as he moved in the direction of the cortex. When you made it to the entrance Barry was putting cuffs on an unconscious Jesse. Harry ran over in a panic.

“Allen what the hell are you doing!!” Barry waved his hands about to explain. Caitlin was kneeling down, retracting the needle from the girl's skin.

“Those metahumans we took down last week. Somehow they got out of Iron Heights. I think one of the guards slipped up. One of them has manipulative powers.” He informed.

“They twist your view. Jesse thought we were the enemy. “ Caitlin added.

“I had to take her out before she could get hurt. I locked one of them up in the pipeline but the other is somewhere here. “ Barry interjected. He looked down at the computer, trying to pull up footage of the halls.

“Try right behind you.” you spun around just in time for him to press his hands on your forehead. A red light glowed in his palm, passing through your skin. Barry zipped forward, shoving the male away from you. The meta crashed into the wall, falling down and passing out from the force of the blow. Barry wasted no time, cuffing him quickly.

Harry looked over to check you. “Stay back Harry, she's been hit.” Caitlin advised. She had a syringe in her hand, unsure of how to administer the shot without provoking you.

“Give it to me, I could get close enough in a second. “ You turned to Barry and you screamed in terror. He looked back, shocked to see the level of fear in your eyes as you backed up against the wall.

“Please don’t hurt him I’ll do anything please!!” you were pleading. Barry approached, raising his hands to show you he didn’t mean any harm.

“Hey (Y/N). Listen it’s me Barry.” he pulled off his cowl, but that just triggered you more.

“Don’t hurt them Dr. Wells I’m begging you! Please don’t, I’ll do anything!!” Barry froze, he recalled you saying those words before.

“S-She’s..she’s reliving a memory.” he muttered in recognition.

Harry stared. “What do you mean by memory? I thought he just manipulates your concept of the present reality. “ Caitlin shook her head. “They morph reality yes, but reality for everyone is different. Some people see their friends as enemies. Others face a reality they can’t control. One they feel powerless in” Harry couldn’t believe it. The level of horror on your face hurt him. When he made that statement about Dr. Wells he knew he crossed a line. What he didn’t realize was the level of emotional damage Thawne actually did to you. You weren’t a meta. So when he attacked you couldn’t do anything but stand there and watch as he tried to kill your friends.

Harry took the syringe from Caitlin’s hands, storming over to your direction. He couldn’t see you like this. When he was standing directly in front of you your eyes widened and you tried to scramble away.

“D-DON’T!” Harry pressed the needle into your neck. It took a while, but slowly, your eyes started to lower. Just as you were about to pass out you looked directly at him.

“Harry..” you said softly. He smiled, removing the needle. He tossed it to the side, cradling you into his arms. “I’ve got you, don’t worry. You’re safe. I won’t let anyone hurt you again. “

Barry and Caitlin watched from the back, both a bit stunned by the level of care the man displayed when holding you.

You groaned, holding your head as you tried to sit up. When you finally came to, Caitlin was right at your side with a smile.

“Look who’s finally up.” you gave her a weak smile, leaning against the head of the bed.

“I got socked by that meta didn’t I?”

“Affirmative.” she said cheekily. You just laughed. “Wow, my head feels like I got hit by a bus.” She jotted something down before placing a hand to your forehead.

“I think that’s my fault. I made that in a rush in case those metahumans got a hold of our speedsters. Unfortunately a shot like that does the trick but the dose isn’t really easy on regular people. “

“Noted.” you looked over, noticing Barry and Jesse standing at the door.

“ You really gave me a scare. How are you feeling?” Barry’s question made you shoot him a look.

“Sorry, I guess it was a stupid question. But hey at least we caught the guys.” you nodded.

“That’s good.” Barry was still watching you. “(Y/N), I just wanted you to know. What happened with Thawne..it wasn’t your fault. We know it hurt you maybe far worse than any of us.” you looked at him a bit taken aback. A shaky breath exited your lips. “Y-Yeah, you don’t have to worry about it. I'm over all that. It’s been months.” He shook his head.

“There’s no time stamp on how long those types of wounds heal. If you ever wanna talk, we’re all right here.” Caitlin and even Jesse smiled, agreeing with him. You gave another nod.

“Thanks guys, I appreciate it.” Jesse grinned.

“Of course, by the way. There is someone who’s just as worried. “ before you could ask you felt the wind blow your hair back. When she reappeared there was someone with her.

“Jesse I told you not to-” his complaints stopped when his eyes landed on you. She unhooked her arms and at that moment everyone started to make their exit. You turned to Caitlin with pleading eyes, begging her not to leave. She gave you a thumbs up, vanishing around the hall.

When it was just the two of you, you shifted back into the bed.

“Listen I-”

“I apologize.” Harry cut you off. You stared at him. Not sure if you heard him right.

“Wait..did you just say..” he stepped closer, taking a seat at the edge of your bed. Him being so close made you readjust your position. You picked at the sheets nervously.

“I was unaware of how deep Thawne’s wounds scarred you. Then I made a comment that was uncalled for. I apologize.” you bit down on your lip.

“I’m sorry too.” you said finally. “It was childish of me to avoid you like I did. I should have just talked to you. The truth is you were right. I let my feelings dictate everything I do. The feelings I had for him and the ones I have for you.” Harry looked over at your words.

“I-I like you Harry.” you confessed. “Y-You look just like him so I told myself never to go down that road again. But little by little I couldn't help but be intrigued by you, attracted to you. I’m so stupid!” you said, fresh tears falling down your cheeks. Harry moved closer scooping you into his arms.

“Don’t say that you're far from stupid. “ you clenched your hands into his clothing.

“I am..I am the foolish one. I’m just as much attracted to you.” he whispered. You pulled back.

“W-What..” his hands rested on your cheek, wiping any evidence of your tears.

“I distanced myself because I thought you were only seeking solace in me to replace him. I was cruel to you because it was the only thing I could do to deny just how much your presence affected me. I’m completely and utterly infatuated with you (Y/N).” you swallowed. He was so close now. “If I haven’t already ruined my chances, I would like an opportunity to show you just how much I care about you.”

“Okay..” you mumbled. With the way he was looking at you now there wasn’t much you could say. His thumb traced the outline of your cheekbone.

Everywhere he touched felt like a spark to your skin. His lips met your own in a slow, hesitant kiss. It wasn’t much at first, just the innocent touching of lips.

After a few moments you wanted more. Your hands tightened their hold on his clothing as you tried to pull him closer. He complied, pressing you softly into the mattress. You sighed at the feel of him. Your hands slipped into his hair and he gave a soft appreciative sound. Your stomach twirled at the little noise. Your hands wandered, you hooked your fingers into the hoops of his pants, pulling. His hips thrusted into you and you gasped. Your lips disconnected and Harry continued pressing kisses to your skin as you tried to regain your breath.

“We should...probably...stop..”you forced out in between pants.

“Agreed, they could..walk in at any time..” he was still pressing heated kisses to your body. His leg moved between your own and you moaned, looking at him a bit startled. Harry smirked down at you. “Then again, I think I’ve been holding out too long. Something tells me you have too.” you gulped when you felt his hand travelling under your clothing.

“H-Harry..” you whined weakly. You whimpered when he squeezed your breast.

“I finally have you, I’m not sure I really want to stop..” he growled into you ear.

Someone clearing their throat made you both turn.

“Allen.” Harry said sharply. Barry looked uncomfortable, like he regretted even coming in.

“N-Nevermind, It can wait. “ he dove out of there faster than you’d ever seen.

Harry’s eyes fixed back on you.

“Now where were we.”

88 notes · View notes

artdjgblog · 4 years

Photo

Innerview: Ercan Ucer / Grafik Tasarim (Turkey) October 2008 Image: Giphy Note: Take #2 of a design magazine interview.

01) How do you name yourself other than being a versatile designer? In the past year and a half I’ve come to realize that I’m not really a graphic designer. It’s definitely in there and will always be because design is a poison, like any vocation or skill can be. But, I’ve always approached the way I work as an artist first, and I don’t fancy myself an artist either. I am what I am, though I can’t always be so selfish. Am I an illustrator? I guess there is a collision of the three. Add this to a love for getting my hands dirty, plus a celebration of youth and American pop-culture mixed with Eastern European and post-WWII American Design – B.C. (Before Computer) and the product is me? “Versatile” is too defining of a word for me and way too classy. I simply like to say I make things. Each day is new and I haven’t a clue what I’m going to do. 02) What is the relationship between marketing and your designing process at different areas? (poster, packaging, logo…etc) A design is a marketing tool, no doubt. I haven’t really worked on a large scale setting with this, but I have in terms of marketing on a small scale for rock concerts and prospective CD buyers. Though, a designer plays eye-grabber, a designer is not really a marketer, but I guess it helps to attract attention or sell something. I had friends in college who studied marketing as well as design and they’d probably be more equipped to answering this question. It’s an area I’m not familiar with other than thinking of ways to attract people to get excited for a musical group, a sound, feeling or expression by way of putting a stamp on a poster, CD or logo design. It is a marketing tool especially when working with a client. It certainly is not only what the artist-designer can bring to the “product” (Though, I do think this can apply at a certain larger level with selling something), you’re also working for somebody and trying to sell an image or an item. In the case of a show poster, you’re selling a concert venue or the place the poster is hanging or even the music scene and the city and environment. I think this can be a tricky walk. I’ve been fortunate to have some small success with great clients and great projects to where things work out well. I guess it helps that independent music graphics kind of start out in left field to begin with, to where they are approached more like an art project than a product? Though, I don’t think that the work should not limit itself to a certain kind of audience. I think it’s great when the work speaks to anybody. There are times though where things don’t mix well, whether under the weather by design, client-wise or consumer. It’s just part of the deal. The work isn’t always going to be a homerun. Another deal is the way people interact with communication in marketing. Today I find that technology has a lot to do with people getting information for a rock concert via social networking sites, musician, ticket and concert venue sites. I don’t think that something like the poster will ever be dead, but technology can almost make a poster feel second-rate, a collector’s keep-sake and more for show than for the actual show. Logos are very interesting when it comes to marketing for bands because they are generally slapped onto many-many products. I’ve worked with a lot of music-related designs, but I’ve also made logos varying from a lawyer to an internet-computer company to a church before. So, these different applications encourage me to find new ways to talk to other audiences who come searching for something that isn’t entertainment, but I approach these designs with the same techniques and tools I use with the music graphics. I try to give something unique, and of a new take, to get a double-take. 03) Can you tell us about your working environment and your different feelings or extraordinary events that inspires you? Ever since I was a child growing up on a farm, my working environment has been outside and especially in my bedroom. Working environments also extended to anyplace I had my eyes open. I certainly believe in a home base or comfort zone of operations, but a lot of my more thorough processing happens while out and about and then I bring it back home with me to make. Currently I work out of a basement in my home. I’ve constructed a work space out of wood found in the street. I call it my “club house”. I love it down there despite my continual problem with having a work space that barely has room for me to work in! I collect and store a lot of things around me and still have a lot of my childhood things around me, along with piles and piles of supplies, research and things I’ve found or see the potential in for a future use. I have a mind-set that if I can’t use it today, I can easily use it in 50 years. I’m a major fan of extraordinary events and tend to find humorous and peculiar ones to be more my taste, and more-so in retrospect of the event. I feel to be blessed with a certain quality that attracts odd circumstances, or maybe it’s all in my head? Extraordinary has its own brand of “something”, but more often I find inspiration in places, events and things that are fairly run-of-the-mill and everyday ordinary for anyone, which can give them an added cushion of “extra” for me. On my website I’ve made a list of my history, the things that have been the everyday ordinary for me, but might seem very out of ordinary to others. It all depends on perspective and where you’ve been. 04) When did you discover the impulse that led you being a designer? This impulse to leave behind a paper trail of some sort on my impression has always been kicking around in me. I didn’t fully know it at the time, but I believe it started when I was young as I don’t remember a time when I wasn’t doing or making something. It’s a large part of my make-up. Much of it has to do with my farming background and watching my Dad and his Dad and others always doing or working on something whether it was building fences, planting crops or tending animals. I also owe a lot to my Grandma, for her hands-on making skills and to my parents for allowing me to grow-up fully plugged into the American pop-culture of books, toys, music, movies, video games and sports. Now, I just feed off of my former self and continue to feed for the future. It’s not work to me when it truly works and I enjoy myself. 05) Is looking at life always from a different angel, the designer’s necessarily ego? Most any area of most any job, skill, talent, business doesn’t come without some ego hurdling. The ego is amped further within the arts. Inflated achievement comes with ease when your voice gets a little loud in a “scene” or beyond. I’d like to think I’m fairly grounded, but it’s hard not to feel the eggs weight the other side when I’m told I could be sitting on a couple of golden ones. Working a day job can help matters, but it can also be a nightmare with time management. I have to just tell myself that I am a man and a man who happens to make things. Still, that can be hard. It doesn’t mean that I’m better than somebody or am a “somebody” because I’ve found a certain something within me. I just enjoy my life and feel very fortunate to even know what I want to do with it. I think one needs healthy doses of reality and a whole heap of humor to make it too. Besides, I have no answers. If you know somebody with it all figured out, have them call me! What helps me is to find comfort and ease is venturing back into my child manner. I’m much more content and find peace when I’m either looking at the world through a certain lense that I might qualify for, or just making and enjoying the act of celebration in creativity. The moment I start to think too much about it all or answer questions, that is when it can get a little dangerous in the head. I’d like to think gaining wisdom through age and maturity helps. I know that my energy and will-power have died some, and of late I’m leaning on this as a benefit. I think I say and do some dumb stuff today, though I’m positive it’s a little less than yesterday! 06) Can you inform us about graphic design’ s one of the important field, package design and your sketches? / Tell me about the sketching and process of packaging. There is a certain amount of image longevity that becomes attached to packaging. I’m not experienced in much more than musical CD packaging, but I think a long life span especially applies to this in the iconic halls of pop-culture, even on small levels. Though, that’s not the reason to put into making something and/or package something but if you can add some meaty eye candy, then so be it. I love poster design because there are endless possibilities to exhaust, many ways to work reach-and-grab-of-the-moment and intuitive, and if something doesn’t work all-around, it’s throw-away and will die soon like house flies. CDs are so different, at least for me, and they can be quite intimidating and intoxicating. Sometimes another designer’s great CD package makes me not wish to do another one, and in a good way! With my own process, I do a little bit of sketching, but more-so the process and evolution of the CD package is the sketching for me. If I’m rewarded with an ample amount of time to work on a CD I usually make it happen in three different sessions, or what I call “incubation stages”. This allows me time to sit on ideas and to come back to them with fresh perspective and clear head, to play or spin off ideas and avenues. When figuring out an image or “look” for an album, I like to at least digest the music or get a track listing. With the way in which I work, I tend to feed off of my day-to-day (sometimes minute-to-minute) emotional handy work. It can be a little strange though as I can easily obsess over wondering the what-might-have-been with something like a CD package or anything. I think that a CD package for me can be extremely different given what day I’m at. I do believe my best packages have come down on me at the last minute, intuitively and usually on the lowest of budgets. And I mean cheap, major cheap. 07) What are the benefits of making global designs for the designer? I love a body of work, one that breathes and not only serves as a timeline for the maker, but also for views and observations on life itself. Ideas that can extend globally even, throughout time. I think that a great body of work can extend to anybody, anywhere in the world. And even if it is for some other body like a client, it is always from its original body of the creator. Anything that goes global is still connected to that first breath of singular life. Due to technology, it’s so much easier today to go “global” with designs, even if one does operate on a small scale. I think it’s great to put the work out there, to share, even if it’s not marking up or wrapping up a popular product. In today’s fast-paced world of millions and billions of images and things flashing, it really does mean a lot that my meager things have made it in some strange little way. Even, if it’s just a grin or a double-take by someone looking at a little poster on a wall or in a magazine or a global internet billboard or world-wide magazine and book distribution. Though, a part of me still likes to keep some things to myself. And I’m odd because I personally don’t like to attract attention to myself with graphics on the shirts I wear or product logos on bags and things. 08) Can you explain the relationship between marketing and designing? I’m not sure if I was successful, but I tried to answer some of this in question 2. With this one I’ll try to wrap it into the way that I work, to where my designs act as marketing tools for me, as well as the product they are pushing. Until recently I’ve never had to market myself in conventional practice. For the first six years my work itself was the marketing. Everything from a poster to a package and a logo has been on the same level with causing a “Trickle Down / Word of Mouth” marketing effect. And I’ve been fortunate to keep fairly close relationships with my clients due to a small industry I work in. These clients have brought other clients. For my first two years I was living and working with several bands in a house. I didn’t have to leave and would get new work constantly. At times I’d just make things before I was even asked. Some of the best marketing can come in poster making and that is how I started to gather some attention. Posters have a short shelf life in comparison to packaging and logos, so there is always a new one to tack up. And if a poster doesn’t succeed, then it’s easy to just make another one. It’s just a poster and practice is good. After a while people start getting curious and come looking for you. 09) Does any of your designs have an unforgettable story? The “Whatever Makes You Happy” CD package design I made in my basement in June of 2002 for the band Elevator Division, is one of my most memorable moments. It was a special run of 250 handmade CD packages and my idea came at the last minute. I made an image of a hand shooting off its index finger like a missile that married the themes for the album perfectly, with reflections of war and failed relationships. It was the idea of shooting off one’s options and making decisions. It was fitting for the band-music but also for the national-world climate. Each one was hand-cut from cardboard and stencil sprayed and rubber stamped. Inserts were copied, cut, folded and glued. At the last mist of red spray paint, a crack of thunder shook the massive home’s foundation and I bolted from the basement and out the front door to a down pour of rain. I leapt off the front porch and slid head first down the front lawn embankment and into the street flowing like a river current. The drug dealing squatters of the home across the street were on their front step looking at the fire in my eyes and the red paint streaming from my ears, nose and mouth. It was a high much higher than that of chemical substance. -djg

#innerviews

2 notes · View notes

jandjsalmon · 5 years

Note

Can I do all three? Or whatever combination you want? Why Betty and Jughead? I know for me, I liked season one, I wrote jokey reviews for my friends on season one and posted them on Facebook, and I was Googling spoilers (or something, or maybe something about Coachella) at the end of season one, and found Fall in Light, and that was that (this is abbreviated, but basically what happened). So what was your journey? Please and thank you! PS- just framed two paintings for the living room.

YOU are a joy and a delight, my friend. Just have to say that. Which artist painted your new living room décor?

001 | send me a ship and I will tell you:

when I started shipping it if I did:

OOOKAY. So the Bughead question - I actually started shipping Bughead from the very beginning. I started watching when there were only two episodes on Netflix Canada. I watched them both the same day and by the end of the second episode I knew they were the ship for me when this happened:

So SO good on the Riverdale director of photography’s part - because that is some super sweet foreshadowing there with the out of/into focus stuff. It might have also had something to do with Cole’s collarbones and/or whole aesthetic. I sought out fanfiction immediately (as I am wont to do when I find a new ship or show) and there were, I think, about 130 fics on the archive. We’ve come a long way since then. :)

my thoughts: I like that quote Cole had after last season where it said he’d like to play Jug as more of a morally grey character - someone who believes the ends justify the means. It’s interesting because I have long felt that Jughead was the conscience of the town. Not Betty (as some people suggested) - who I really do think would do all sorts of sneaky things to keep the people she loves safe. I am hopeful and excited to see how this goes. :)

What makes me happy about them: The fact that they are eachother’s #1 support and love and soulmate. They’re SO pretty to look at. Their aesthetic of the pretty and pink girl next door and the plaids and layers of the boy from the other side of the tracks. It’s a pretty aesthetic. Add to that the childhood friends to lovers thing. The absolute devotion and love and trust they have for eachother. They get eachother more than anyone else does. They just make me SO happy.

What makes me sad about them: That they can’t just be regular teenagers. Their parents treating them so poorly.

things done in fanfic that annoys me: LOL so many things. I’ll force myself to refrain from discussing the typical ‘lack of a good beta’ issues I see regularly - like the grammar/spelling/punctuation/tense problems. Plotwise - I don’t read fics where either of them are VASTLY out of character. You can have an AU and still have them sound and act like themselves. A good AU should be “what would our characters do if dropped into this situation” rather than self-inserting wish fulfilment and I often ask myself “if I changed the name of this character - would it still sound like Jughead or would I feel like I’ve fallen into ?” - I’ll still occasionally read a fic like that - but let’s call a spade a spade, shall we? I don’t like cheating - whether it’s on eachother or on other people. I hate the fics that have Jughead become this massive addict or alcoholic or complete manwhore. I hate when Betty is written as someone incredibly broken and damaged. At some point it’s just character torture. Oooh and retaliation against the writers. It’s really clear when an author thinks that they’re going to spite write a story because they’re mad at how canon turned out. It’s fine to write AU - but it makes my eye roll when an author figures that they can ignore two seasons worth of serpent jug because they want him to be more feminist/manic pixie dream than he is. I hate when prose is so purple we could almost call it ‘Grimace’ - because at some point the author wants you to notice the pretty writing rather than the actual plot and characters of their story. I hate when dialogue sounds unnatural - and I hate when characters shout and yell in moments when they really shouldn’t…. it’s like the Dumbledore and “did you put your name in the goblet of fire?” thing… where suddenly you go… WOAH Michael Gambon! Calm your tits! Um… what else bugs me in fic? Bad tagging? If you’re going to kill a character - please tag. If you’re going to have the faves snogging someone else… tag it. I don’t want to see my notp shagging even if it’s for “plot.” This could go on for a while, so I’m going to stop here. lol.

things I look for in fanfic: Solid Characterization. A happily ever after (always). Clever banter. Tropes (they’re tropes for a reason). If there is angst and unhappiness… I want some payoff before the end of the story. Like, if I have to sit through them pining from afar - at least eventually give me kisses. Emotional rollercoasters and character torture isn’t for me. I need the payoff.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: I’m monogamous when it comes to my Bughead. I firmly believe Jughead is completely Bettysexual and has loved her since he understood what love was (since she shared her cookies with him in Kindergarten) - and as for Betty… if she were to find love without Juggie, it would have to be in a universe where there was no Jughead - and it would have to be away at college with some guy who isn’t a canon character… and except in one small case of “kinky excellence” - I wouldn’t want to read about it at all.

My happily ever after for them: University graduated. Published Jughead. Mom and Dad to three kids - happily married, holding on to one another through every trial life throws at them. Both working hard in their prospective fields (which generally turns out to be some kind of sleuthing/investigating/writing) - and both just happy and to go to school concerts, elementary school sports games, science fairs, and to give their children the love and support they didn’t have from their parents growing up. Breaking the cycle.

who is the big spoon/little spoon: Jug is the big spoon. Betty rests her head on his chest while he sleeps on his back. He winds his hands in her gold hair and breathes easy knowing she’s safe right there beside him.

what is their favorite non-sexual activity: In the future - it’ll be Jones Family Movie Night every week with their children (something I’ve done with my kids for the last ten years) with popcorn and cookies and no devices at all - but where they are right now? Sleuthing and Milkshakes. Or sitting beside each other, her feet in his lap while they’re both reading… or better yet, he’s typing away on his laptop, idling rubbing her foot, while she’s reading beside him.

Send me a ship/character and I’ll answer these questions…

#ask game #i may have answered too much #i apologize in advance

30 notes · View notes

kaffeinic · 5 years

Text

60 Question Tag Challenge!

I was challenged by @woo-for-woojin to answer all of these. To be fair, I challenged her first, but let’s not get into the details. Original post of questions by @roseyygf.

1: Selfie.

GAAAAAAAH I HATE THIS ALREADY SMH IM SO UGLY.

Lmao look at my fingers. What the hell is going on there?

2: What would you name your future kids?

I feel like that’s a joint decision, so I can’t say. Honestly, I don’t think I’ll want to have my own kids through childbirth. My family has a genetic disposition to difficulties during pregnancy. I might adopt.

3: Do you miss anyone?

A few people. Some of them I haven’t even met in person. I miss my BFF from school. I miss a few people online that I’ve fallen out of touch with. I’m always missing people. 😂

4: What are you looking forward to?

College, and moving out of my house. I’ve been itching to do both of these for years now.

5: Is there anyone who can always make you smile?

@hoshithehamster, @woo-for-woojin, @a-toxic-galaxy, my BFF from school, and my older sister. Also, I swear, @hoshithehamster and I are literally are always TALKING IN CAPS LOCK BECAUSE WE ARE IDIOTS AND WE HAVE THE WEIRDEST, MOST FUN CONVERSATIONS EVER.

6: Is it hard for you to get over someone?

Once I’ve gone all-in, yeah. When it’s a crush, not usually. I’m really slow to develop a crush on someone. Painfully slow lol. I’m cautious because I’ve been hurt by people in that regard a few times. One incident had me suicidal for a long time.

7: What was your life like last year?

Kind of the same? I didn’t have this blog open. If you had asked this regarding two years ago, I would have said that I wasn’t homeschooling, didn’t know how to play piano much, didn’t have this blog, and was very depressed because of my old schoolmates.

8: Have you ever cried because you were so annoyed?

YES! Whenever I feel stuck and know I have no control of a situation, I get frustrated and find a quiet place to cry.

9: Who did you last see in person?

I’m assuming this means out of my own household. The last person I saw was my older sister and her roommates, who I am really good friends with. One of them loves coffee as much as me and it’s great! I spent the night. That was over a month and a half ago lmao. Before that, I had gone on a date at a coffee shop.

10: Are you good at hiding your feelings?

Yeah. My family gets angry at me if I’m sad or angry about anything, so I hold it all in. It definitely has made life a bit harder. I make people angry when I won’t disclose my feelings to them. I just find it to be better to hold it. I have to be really comfortable with you and really love you if I’ll tell you that I’m sad/angry and why.

11: Are you listening to music right now?

Yeah. It’s Le Pire by Maître Gims. He’s a really great French singer.

12: What is something you want right now?

If this is concerning food, I’m in the mood for chicken right now lol. I need some protein. Aside from food, I’m wanting to get a pedal for my electric piano. I have no sustain and it ruins a lot of songs. 😂 It’s why I have my ko-fi open.

13: How do you feel right now?

Meh. I’m not feeling great. I have some issues with fainting. My blood pressure drops like a rock at times and I feel it coming on, if you know what I’m saying. It’s this kind of lethargic, sick feeling. I’m trying to drink a lot of water, just in case it’s about dehydration.

14: When was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you?

When I last visited my favourite coffee shop. For those of you who read Caffeinic, Chan’s character design is a mix of his true personality and a barista at my café of choice. He always gives me a hug when I see him, and when I say good bye. 😊

15: Personality description?

For a quick description, I’d say that INFJ, which is my MBTI type, is really accurate for me. I’ll let one of my friends try to describe me. I’m bad at describing myself lol.

Okay, but my heart is combusting. This amazing hooman, I lob her so much!!!! One of my best friends for sure.

16: Have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t?

All the time. I’m sure you all have heard Fight Song by Rachel Platten, but that line where she says, “And all those things I didn't say // Wrecking balls inside my brain // I will scream them loud tonight // Can you hear my voice this time?” really resonates with me. It was that lyric that hooked me on this song.

17: Opinion on insecurities?

I think 90% of us have them. They are humbling, which can be good, but I urge you to know your worth. I’m such a hypocrite.

18: Do you miss how things were a year ago?

Not really. Not much has changed.

19: Have you ever been to New York?

No, but I’d love to visit! I’m from the west coast lol.

20: What is your favourite song at the moment?

Ramai by Delia & The Motans. I listen to a lot of different languages in music lol. I have no idea what any of it means, so if it’s inappropriate, I apologize.

21: Age and birthday.

Internationally, 18. May 3, 2001.

22: Description of crush.

I don’t think I have a crush???? Haha. There’s this really kind, pretty hot barista at the café who seems to like me but I’m avoiding relationships, so idk. He has green eyes and black, curly hair. He’s maybe 170-180cm, but I’m not entirely sure. He looks damn good in a button up, I... wow. 🥵

23: Fear(s)?

So many lmao. I’m afraid of some trivial things, like bugs and rollercoasters, but I’m also afraid of some different items, like never having a family of my own, or of not being able to achieve my dreams.

24: Height?

154(?)cm. About 5’1.”

25: Role model?

I don’t think I have one lmao. I just try to be the best person I can be. It’s a goal in life for me to be a truly good person.

26: Idol(s).

Aren’t Idols and Role Models pretty much the same thing..? 😂 To be general, I look up to those who have studied in medical school because I know it’s a rollercoaster of difficulties and debt. I applaud them.

27: Things I hate:

This could be a very long list. Let’s go:

Unnecessary rudeness/bullying

Being forced into things I don’t like and/or am afraid of doing

Being lied to

Being stolen from

Being thrown in awkward situations

Being denied my alone time

When people make a mess that I have to clean

When I cook for people and they don’t thank me. My face just scrunched in anger while I typed this one lmao.

Arrogant/egotistic people

So many more, but I’ll cut it off there. 😊

28: “I’ll love you if...”

OOF. There’s no specific thing someone could do. If you love me, I’ll love you. I don’t mean the “awe ily” kind of love. I mean the “I will keep you out of trouble and protect you and be around you only to enjoy your company because I love you” kind of love. True love. Not that artificial crap.

29: Favourite film(s)?

Room 1408 is really good haha. I also really liked A Simple Favour. I like a lot of movies lmao. Superhero movies are always good.

30: Favourite tv show(s)?

I watched a lot of Black Mirror before we got rid of Netflix. I watch Superstore and Brooklyn 99 like they’re the gospel. I’m always down for Gilmore Girls because it’s a classic. I often watch my old childhood shows like Danny Phantom.

31: 3 random facts.

I’m assuming you mean, “3 random facts about me” lol.

I play piano.

I read “too much.” Let’s be honest, is it even possible to read too much?

I write my own stories and songs all of the time.

32: Are your friends mainly girls or guys?

Oof. My absolute closest friends are girls, but the majority of people I would consider my friends are male.

33: Something you want to learn.

Everything I can about medicine. I’m so interested in it, and I love the idea of fixing someone’s body. I’m fascinated by the weird and/or nasty things about our bodies. I hope that doesn’t sound too weird. I also wanna learn how to use a French press lmao.

34: Most embarrassing moment?

I had been selected to perform in a talent show a few years back for my old school and I got up there, face planting on the floor. Halfway through the song, I froze up and forgot the lyrics. I have never forgotten that.

35: Favourite subject?

Any form of science or Language Arts.

36: 3 dreams you want to fulfill?

Become a doctor.

Write a song that someone can perform onstage.

Clock in my 10,000 hours in piano.

Extra: I want to learn violin so badly!

37: Favourite actor/actress?

Jennifer Aniston or Nicolas Cage probably. I don’t pay much attention to actors. I also love Jeremy Renner’s work!

38: Favourite comedian(s)?

Oh lord, this question was made for me. Randy Feltface, Samuel J. Conroe, TwoSet, Ross Lynch, and many, many more!

39: Favourite sport(s)?

Volleyball, baseball, and badminton. Low/no-contact sports lol.

40: Favourite memory?

I can’t think of a specific one, but my best memories are always those random, funny moments I have with friends. I don’t think I’m ever gonna forget when my friend and I named one of her plants for the first time. I made a plant family tree. Dear lord save my soul.

41: Relationship status?

Single~

42: Favourite book(s)?

THAT IS THE HARDEST QUESTION EVER! How can I be expected to answer this???? 😂 I don’t have a favourite.

43: Favourite song ever?

Is this q&a list crafted specifically for me to not be able to answer any of the questions? 😂 I don’t have one. It changes with time.

44: Age you get mistaken for?

People always think I’m younger than I am, but if they don’t, then they over shoot it. Most people think I’m 16, or as old as 20-22. It’s crazy lol.

45: How you found out about your idol.

I’m going to interpret this as how I found out about my ult bias, who is Chan from Stray Kids. I was surfing SoundCloud and found the 3racha page. There wasn’t much there, but I liked what they had recorded. From then, I saw some of their survival show and may have kind of fallen for Channie and his personality lmao. Whoops.

46: What my last text message says.

This is the one I got while I was answering this specific question. 😊

“I feel that. I do hate unrealistic stories or stories that go on to fast like. I want to read stories where I feel like the reader could be me and not some sort of perfect girl getting the attention of all the people and fell in love withing 3 seconds and marry. I know that there must be some drama and special things to keep the story going and that's OK but I really appreciate stories who are still based more on a normal life. And you really do a good job in writing normal life stories // And tbh no story made me as happy as your barista!Chan story. It really is something different and I love it.”

Idk if the sender would be okay with me sharing that it was them, so I just copied it lol. I truly do love the feedback I get from you guys! Thank you all so much~~!

47: Turn-ons?

I’m assuming - again - that you mean romantically? I’ve always liked someone who has a decent sense of humour. Whenever I see someone working hard at their job/studies, part of me finds it... sexy? Idk. I’m weird. Save me. 😂

48: Turn-offs?

Overconfidence is a big no-no. It’s annoying as well. I can’t stand someone who truly is an idiot. Nothing turns me off more than getting a text that’s barely legible with a million abbreviations. Speak to me like someone with a brain, please. Another big turn-off is someone who is just automatically very sexual. I’m not a super sexual person, and I don’t want to hang out with someone who has a one-track mind in that sense.

49: Where I want to be right now.

The café.

50: Favourite picture of your idol?

But... he’s so pretty? How??

Sorry. I do not own these gifs/photos of Chan~

51: Star sign?

Taurus..? Idk if that’s for horoscopes lol.

52: Something I’m talented at.

Mmmmmm idk. I’m pretty mundane. I read a lot. I really would love to say I’m talented at piano, but I just don’t think I’m there yet.

53: 5 things that make me happy.

“Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens...” Sorry.

Classical music

The smell of an old book

Petrichor and/or rainstorms

Playing piano

The smell of coffee

54: Something that’s worrying me at the moment.

Everything?? 😂 I’m worried about affording college tuition at the moment. I’m a senior and it’s steadily approaching.

55: Tumblr friends?

I almost yeeted my phone across the room. This is my question. 😂

@hoshithehamster, my fellow plant mother. I think we are each other’s spirit animal lol. I love you more than you know~! As a side note: She’s model material, I swear! Soooooo pretty, inside and out!

@woo-for-woojin, the most adorable and thoughtful person ever?? Always a pleasure to speak to. She gives the coolest and cutest requests ever, I’m-

@a-toxic-galaxy, one of the first people who supported this blog. I love you so much! We both have gotten a little busy lately, but I hope we never fall out of touch.

@doubleknot42, I guess more of an acquaintance? I still really want to get to know her more. The content on her blog is amazing, I highly recommend.

@ethereal-chanracha, someone who I’ve just recently started talking to. We’ve learned so much about each other in such a short time and I already think she’s so awesome! If you’re down for a good conversation, hit her up.

@palemoonpersephone, a friend I made after writing a post about my experiences at school. She is one of the sweetest, most thoughtful and hardworking people I’ve ever met. She offered to be my friend if ever I need one, and I don’t regret it. 💕

56: Favourite food(s).

Homemade granola (I make it a lot.)

Salad (Don’t @ me. I really do enjoy salad. I’m much more of an herbivore. 😂)

Most types of Chinese chicken

This spicy noodle thing I think I invented?

Italian sandwiches

Any type of spicy chip (Takis, Hot Cheetos, etc...)

Plain white rice

Gochu jang flavoured chicken

Despite this list, know that I’m a very picky eater lol

57: Favourite animal(s).

Foxes

Doggos

CATS

White tigers

HEDGEHOGS OML

58: Description of my best friend.

Y’all probably know who this is, but...

Kind

Attentive

Smart

Pretty

Passionate

gOOFY (like me)

The best plant mother in existence??? Fight me.

Patient

Empathetic

And SO much more~~!

59: Why I joined tumblr?

Initially, just to find cool posts and like/reblog whatever I enjoyed. My main blog, @assainfj, is the same blog I started with lol. It’s now become a place for me to share my thoughts and my writing and to meet amazing hoomans.

60: Ask me anything you want.

YASSSSS PLEASE I love answering your questions~~~~~! Send in as many as you’d like!

I tag: @hoshithehamster • @a-toxic-galaxy • @palemoonpersephone • @doubleknot42 • @ethereal-chanracha & anyone else who wants to do this!

#kpop #fanfictions #headcannons #reactions #ships #imagines #asks #tag #challenge #q&a #questions #answers #stray kids #bang chan #skz #chan

11 notes · View notes

wazowskiofthemikevariety · 5 years

Photo

mike + identity

1. Wazowski: So for this category I’m going to encompass everything that’s within his name because that’s like the biggest piece of him that made him who he is.

a. Son: Mike holds his parents on Hero Status. He looks up to them and what they’ve done for him. One of his biggest goals in life is to be a dad himself, because he wants that relationship, he craves his people, to have someone to devote himself to. They’ve inspired him to be the person he is because he’s seen his mom and dad sacrifice a lot for him and his siblings, even for their other family members like Mike’s aunts and uncles, grandparents, etc. BUT being a son is a lot more than that, obviously. It’s more of an identity that’s important to him because he finds great pride whenever his parents introduce him as their son. Like, “Oh, Georgia! This is my son, Michael!” and he likes being known as one of the Wazowski’s children. His parents, while they do have their problems and aren’t perfect and are human, are important to him and he is very happy and proud to be their son. He finds it a very integral part of who he is, being their son and being a part of this family.

b. Middle Child: Mike is the middle child of five and that means he was forgotten a lot of the time. Several times his parents forgot to get him from school, so he got himself a bike with his own money. Several times they forgot about taking him to practice for band or whatever sport he was trying to join that year, so he would arrange a ride himself or put the pedal to the meddle. Several times they forgot to sign him up for something, pay this, pay that, tell him what was going on so he would get home to the family being gone and him not knowing why, or them expecting him to have been packed and ready for trip everyone had failed to mention so all of a sudden he has to get his suitcase together while panicking about not having enough time and crying in his room under the stress as someone yells at him to hurry or they’ll miss their flight. This, although kind of disheartening to him, turned him very independent. It made him have to rely on himself. So he identifies with the stereotype of the Middle Child because oof, he knows that pain, but it played its part in making him who he is.

c. Younger Brother/Older Brother: He’s got different relationships to all of his siblings, as one does, and esp since he is that bridge from the olders to the youngers. He’s the middle, smack dab. Two above, two below. And he loves all his siblings. He’s sort of the second mom tbh because while his two older siblings are the kind that would die for the others or throw down where needed, they aren’t as responsible and put together as Mike is. And the younger siblings, there was sort of a disconnect with them to the older to because by the time they were Humans who could Hold A Conversation the older siblings had shipped off to college and weren’t around the house all the time. Where Mike became the oldest of the house all of a sudden, taking the younger two around. It’s a weird, interesting dynamic but he is very much a loving and supportive brother. He’s not the smartest, but he always worked the hardest. And his siblings were always his best friends when he didn’t have anyone. He was always ALWAYS there for them, even if they weren’t for him sometimes, but that’s okay. That’s what family it for, yah know. Talking shit, getting hit, but coming together to make sure the house is clean before their parents got home to kill them all should they see the state of the kitchen. Being a brother to four very different human beings is very important to him. He loves being a brother and he loves his sibling and is very grateful to them because while he didn’t have friends growing up he did have them. And they will always have him.

d. Ethnicity: This falls within this category, too, and IS important to him because he is kind of ethnically ambiguous. He is of mixed race and he’s proud of that. He identifies with it because his parents didn’t shy away from telling their kids about where they came from or who their families are. Though he may not seem to take to traditions of his heritage, he does, of course he does. And he knows the history of his family, and that’s another motivator for him. As a minority he’s always had that extra stretch he’s had to sprint through in order to make it to the finish line, that extra little bit of weight society puts on him. He does identify with his ethnicity and is proud of it and wouldn’t change it if he could because it is so integrated into who he is as a person since his parents didn’t shy away from telling their kids about where they come from.

2. The Demonologist: This is, of course, second because he has always wanted to be a Demonologist. It was his lot in life. It was his calling. It was the only thing that got him out of bed in the morning sometimes, that motivation to go to school in order to be called a Demonologist someday. He wanted it so fucking badly as a kid, as a teenager, as an adult. He worked his ASS off to get that title to call his own. But that’s sort of where the irony stands with him because while he might self-identify as A Demonologist he isn’t really. He’s just starting to do things within the field that matter. Like, he never faced a demon until the August of 2018 and even then he got his ass beat by them before passing out and missing the end of the fight and exorcism completely. He hasn’t made any major headway in the field, he is a year out of school, teaching, and really has nothing to show for himself. WHICH IS FINE LMAO, you don’t have to have that jesus Christ, but Mike is an over achiever who thought he would have the world by now. It’s important to him to tell people that’s what he does, he’ll say he’s a Demonologist first and that he teaches at the university second because he doesn’t think he’s going to stay there of course. He thinks he’s just biding his time, using the resources, and soon enough he’s going to make it big. He’s book smart. He is the kind of person who could read a book and be able to regurgitate the information for you later on. But...I think it’s the difference between someone who can cook and a cook. He can cook, sure, he can follow the recipe and it will be good, but he isn’t going to be able to make something that’s great or anything like that because he lacks the instincts to improvise or think, oh well this needs some garlic lemme just add some in real quick. No, he’s the person waving around the menu like, IT SAYS TWO CLOVES. NO MORE NO LESS!! Even though he COULD be that person, he could improvise, he just doesn’t have the brain that would think of the situation like that. ANYWAYS OFF TOPIC, basically what I’m saying here is that Mike thinks of himself as a Demonologist and in a way he is because he got the degree, he’s earned the title on a technical level, but he doesn’t have it in the way that he’s proven any of that to be worthy. MAYBE HE WILL, maybe he won’t, I dunno where his journey will take him.

3. College Graduate: This is also something very important to him because academics is fucking brutal, and it wasn’t any easier for him. He didn’t come from privilege, he didn’t have the name that would help him, people didn’t like him. College was lonelier than high school for him because at least there he would make surface level buddies within classes because he saw them five times a week and would help them on their homework and cracked a good joke for them to laugh at so they would be civil towards him. And he also lived with his family, his two younger siblings were still there. He had people around him. In college? He had no one. And I think we all know how lonely college can be, how isolated it can make someone feel despite being surrounded by people. That was Mike. And then you have everyone in his classes shitting on him for being enthusiastic! Wanting to talk about what they learned in class! That kid who kept up with the readings, who always raised his hand, who debated, who asked those questions everyone is thinking but didn’t want to say, and who’s presentations were almost spotless. Which is fair, he was a goodie goodie try hard, but he also was that way because he wanted to prove himself to these people who rolled their eyes at him, not knowing that the reason they did was BECAUSE he was showing off. But he went on, he got good grades, a good GPA, did his papers and went to his labs, got a job in between, and did it all on his own. It was one of, if not the, hardest things he had ever had to do in his life. Because Mike is not one of those people who can glance at the notes and get a good grade, he has to study for hours, he has to go to the library until hell o’clock in the morning, he has to make flash cards and pretend to teach the lamp what’s what before he can get that good grade. So! Yes! He loves being a college graduate. He loves his degrees, and he loves when his parents tell people about him having a PhD. It FUELS HIM. !!!

4. Friend: This has been a long time coming, baby. MIKE WAZOWSKI HAS FRIENDS BITCH. I’m telling you, he loVES having friends. He loves BEING a friend. It makes him so! fucking! happy! He was a lonely soul with so much love to give and nOW that he finally gets to give it, oof. I know I’m supposed to be a writer or whAtEveR but I can’t articulate how warm it makes him feel, how fulfilled. There was always this hollow ache inside of him, wanting and waiting for someone, anyone, to just want to be around him for a change. I’ve probably said this before, but since he watched a lot of movies growing up he accumulated that rose tinted glasses way of looking at life. He wanted that best friend he could call/text at any time and know they would reply. He wanted someone to drive around with, to have movie marathons with, to have feels sessions with, or to just hang out and take a nap together. He had high hopes of finding that person. But he never did. 28 years and he still couldn’t say he had a friend. NOW LOOK AT HIM. HE IS THRIVING. And I would say this identity is of the utmost importance to him because he has always wanted to be a Friend to someone. Like?? Being able to be the person people call because they know he’ll be there for them without a second thought, or being that person who makes them laugh and be happy and not think about their worries for a minute, or if they WANT to think about their worries he is the person they call to talk about them with. He likes being there for people, he loves it so much. He loves being in people’s lives and making them happy and smile and laugh and ugh. Being a friend is his favorite thing, connecting on that level to someone just makes him feel fulfilled. If he hears people calling him their friend he will DIE. If he is introduced as, “this is my friend, mike!” he will DIE. It’s his favorite thing in the whole wide world and he constantly gets emotional about it.

5. Professor: This is lower on the list for obvious reasons but is apart of who he is now. To Mike it’s just a starting point, though, he doesn’t think it will be where he will stay or a long term position. But he loves being a professor because he loVEs demonology! So being able to teach it is kinda like the second best thing to be doing, plus it gives him a place to do research and have access to resources and all that jazz. He likes academia so it’s not like it’s a hard ship to be there reading over essays or listening to the debates kiddos have in class. It’s also just REALLY nice to have a job, especially one as good as being a professor. He’s not proud of it yet, is the thing. It’s not what he leads with when people ask him what he does, he is a Demonologist. And then he is a professor.

6. Nerd: I mean, I think he identifies as a nerd because. Well. He is. And he doesn’t see that as a bad thing. He is both a Nerd in the sense that he likes to study and read and learn and excel within those things and that he likes to watch tv, movies, play video games, read comics, spend hours on the internet reading Fan theories, and laughing at memes. And to the people who are like, “well fuck you that stuff is for kids, grow up!” he genuinely doesn’t understand why other people feel like they have the right to put other people down? Why must people tell big jokes to make other people feel so small? It’s STUPID and he is soooo far passed calling everything he enjoys ‘guilty pleasures.’ nah. They’re just things he loves and will die on that hill. Worrying about shit like that is just lost on him now cause, shit, liking superhero movies isn’t embarrassing, unless you take it too far then lmfao okay calm down fam no need to set fire to someone over a MOVIE, and thinking it is isn’t about embarrassment, it’s about being insecure. And as much as Mike IS insecure, that’s one of the things he ain’t. If people want to make fun of him for that, fine, yes, it will hurt him and his ego, but he’ll also be the one getting to watch Logan (2017) and weeping into the pillow or having a really interesting conversation over the what preference of Star Trek generation people have. He loves all that nerdy shit, he loves getting excited about movies! and new games! and watching panels and actors and b-roll and listening to podcasts and reading about media news, it makes him happy, gets him excited! And disappointed! Makes him angry and happy and sad beyond belief sometimes, but that’s what he loves about it, too!

#bdrptask #about

2 notes · View notes

vicstoriies · 5 years

Photo

2009.

"What brings you here today?" The question feels loaded and she doesn't exactly know how to respond. She didn't want to come here, but it was David who suggested that it was a good idea for her to talk out her past experiences so she can learn how to move on from them. It was difficult for her to get used to life without DC there, hovering over her just waiting for her to fuck up by his standards. She was also have a difficult time adjusting to becoming less of the shell she'd turned into. His incarceration was probably the best thing to ever happen to her and even with his mistreatment of her as his wife, she hates to feel that way about him. After all, she was married to him for nearly twenty years of her life... and even with all the bullshit and the pain, she did love him. That was her problem. Victoria shifts uncomfortably in her seat before finally responding to the question, "I'll be honest with you, I didn't want to come here and I wasn't going to. It was my co-worker who convinced me that it was a good idea." She watches as Dr. Larkin scribbles in her notepad and feels herself becoming even more uncomfortable. It's then that the room gets warmer, like the temperature was raised about ten degrees too high. She pulls the sweater she's wearing by the collar, away from her neck, in an attempt to cool herself down. She's nervous and it shows in how fidgety she is. Dr. Larkin looks up from her notebook with the look of neutrality that David explained to her when he suggested therapy. Apparently, it was effective to speak to someone who had no emotional ties to either parties. More often than not, Victoria was left to fend for herself over the yeas. It was a long, lonely ride but somehow, she'd made it. This was just another step in the right direction, David would say. "Why do you think that is?" "B-because of..." She struggles because she can't help the bitter taste of betrayal that forms on her tongue. She feels that by telling her story, any part of her story, she's betraying him. Hurting him in some way and convincing herself that she's no better than he is by badmouthing him to some stranger. It's not gossip though, it's truth. Her truth, for once. "━because of my husband. Well, soon-to-be ex-husband." "And what is your ex-husband's name?" "Declan, but he goes by DC." Dr. Larkin writes it down. "And why would you be here because of Declan?" "He was..." she struggles once more, this time breaking the minimal eye contact she already had with the doctor to drop her gaze down to her feet. "It's okay, this is a safe place. You're safe here. Nothing leaves this office. What did he do?" "He was... abusive." She looked back up at her, "... very abusive." "Abusive, how?" "Seriously? How are they usually abusive?" "Abuse could be physical... emotional... mental..." "I guess I'll take option D for 'all of the above'..." "Mrs. Deschaine━" She corrects her, "Victoria. Mrs. Deschaine is my mother-in-law." Dr. Larkin continues with a nod, "Victoria, why don't you tell me about the first time you started noticing his negative behavior?" "Like, the first time he hit me?" It was something she longs to forget, but her memory has always been very good. She remembers everything, especially the bad, details and all. not even a few knocks in the head could make her forget the moment when she realized she'd made a mistake. "Perhaps, instead, tell me what he was like when you first met? We'll start from the beginning." There's a soft chuckle that escapes her when the memory came flooding back to the forefront of her mind, "Oh, when we first met... he was a dream." Th room around them seems to fade, bringing her back to many years prior when she was still in high school. When all of her hopes and dreams for her future might be like were open to endless opportunities, before things got really bad. I was pretty popular in high school because I was a cheerleader, she begins the story, but I didn't thrive on the popularity like other people did. My close group of friends weren't involved in any of the sports at school but were creative, imaginative people. I dated a football player for two years before Declan, but I broke up with him when I found out that he was cheating on me with a girl on the cheerleading squad because I wouldn't put out for him. She laughs, thinking about what she'd ended up with instead. Everyone knew of DC and his family. The Deschaines are like Limbo royalty. He wasn't involved in any athletics or school activities either, but he was popular with everybody anyway. Uncommon for a group of delinquents who hung around wearing leather and riding motorcycles, isn't it? She shrugs, But Declan, he was charming. He had a charisma about him that made him irresistible to those around him, especially the girls. Me? I wasn't too interested... my dad was the Chief of Police and he warned me against that group of people daily. I was a good girl. I listened, until I didn't. I remember it was a graduation party that DC was also invited to, although he dropped out of school a year prior. Rumor was that it was so he could prospect for the local motorcycle club, DC confirmed that after we got together Anyway, I was actually kind of bummed about graduation because I knew that it meant change. Friends would lose touch and college was right around the corner. I was still unsure of what I wanted to do with my life. I spent most of the party in the corner of the room, feeling sorry for myself, with a drink in my hand that I barely touched. Everyone else was having a good time and celebrating their success. But I remember the first time our eyes locked on each other's. Every feeling I felt is still so vivid. He was so handsome and he had a smile that made eighteen year old me so weak in the knees, that I had to brace myself against the wall behind me so that I wouldn't fall on my ass. It was the first time I understood why all the girls fell over themselves just to impress him. I was the first one to break the eye contact, but I know DC took his eyes off of me. I was probably as red as that shirt your wearing, she nodded towards the shirt Dr. Larkin had on, I was so embarrassed. But he walked over to me, confident as ever. I remember my... he would be my future brother-in-law, Marc, trailing behind him until DC told him to stay back. I swear, my hands were shaking so badly, I'm so sure he noticed. "What're you doin' here all by yourself?" He asked with the biggest grin stretched across his face, like talking to me was equivalent to winning the lottery. He closed the space between us some, but I noticed he kept enough distance not to make me uncomfortable. "I'm not alone. Just not really in the partying mood." He looks down at the drink in my hand and I feel pathetic for not having taken more than two sips from it. He doesn't seem to care though and he looks back into my eyes and I swear, I could get lost in his. "How 'bout you dance with me? Maybe that'll help you get in tha' partyin' mood?" "Oh, I'm not a dancer." I lied because I actually wasn't bad at it, I was just too nervous to accept the offer. I knew I'd embarrass myself. All DC does is laugh, while he takes the cup from my hand and sets it down on a nearby table. He takes my hand and leads me towards the dance floor. "You're a cheerleader, that's close." I didn't expect him to even know who I was, let alone that I was a cheerleader. He must've noticed the look of surprise contorted into my features. "Don't think I don't know who you are, Victoria Anderson. I've been watchin' you for awhile." His fingers intertwine with mine and he pulls me close. I remember the song being a fast one because I made a comment about it, but he insisted on a slow dance anyway. It was more intimate, he said, and he wanted to be close to me. I could hear whistling and shouting from his friends somewhere off in the distance when his forehead rested against mine and he let go of my hand briefly, probably to flip them off. "You cut your hair," He points out. "I remember it bein' longer." He traces a finger down my spine and stopped at the small of my back. "'bout this long, wasn't it?" I didn't realize until then just how much he paid attention to me. I was so taken by him. My own sisters barely noticed the haircut and they saw me everyday. "Um, yeah, that's right. My mom told me that it was getting too long and said it was time for a trim... and well, the lady at the salon kind of got scissor-happy." "I liked it that long." I suddenly felt silly for listening to my other, but it would grow back. I'd only spoken to him for a few minutes by then, but I already felt like I was falling in love with him. I don't remember it being that way with my ex-boyfriend. We were just kind of together because that's what made sense. But DC? DC made me feel like I was looking at my soulmate. We actually ended up spending the rest of the night together and eventually we ended up leaving the party. It was the first time I'd ever driven on a motorcycle. He took me to his favorite spot, we talked for hours, I missed my curfew for the first time ever. I felt like I'd known him forever, he was so captivating to me. The last thing he said to me that night before he kissed my cheek was, "'m gonna marry you someday," And all I could do was laugh, but inside? I was a wreck. It felt like a fairy tale, like I was watching myself in a movie. All of it felt so surreal. He felt too good to be true. Reality set back in and she watched as Dr. Larking continued scribbling everything down. She wonders briefly what her notes say. "... turns out, he was too good to be true." she swallows hard. "Funny thing is, looking back now, I feel like even then... he gave me no choice but to fall in love with him. Like from the very moment he set his sights on me, I was his. That probably sounds stupid." Dr. Larkin shook her head, "Not at all, Victoria. This was a good start. Our session is almost up, but I would like to continue seeing you.How does next week, same day and time sound?" Victoria nods, "Sure."

#｢❀ ♡ * ｣ DRABBLE » victoria&declan.#｢❀ ♡ * ｣ DRABBLE » victoria&antoinette.#｢❀ ♡ * ｣ DRABBLE » therapy sessions.

2 notes · View notes

brokenbloodlinesrp · 6 years

Photo

“ — everybody knows — “

Primera actividad de aniversario, en donde buscaremos conocer mejor a los personajes y a los usuarios. Por medio de ask.

Aclaraciones:

DEN LIKE A ESTE POST para hacer un censo de las personas participantes. (Den like con los personajes a participar.)

Debajo del read more se encontraran los memes tanto para usuarios como para personajes.

Se recomienda especificar el apartado al enviar asks.

Por favor, verifiquen que sus asks están abiertos. (No el anónimo.)

Actividad realizada del 2 al 10 de diciembre

PARA LOS PERSONAJES:

Envíame un ➸ para recibir un mensaje de texto afectuoso de mi musa.

Envíame F/M/K con tres nombres y responderé.

Envíame dos nombres y un número y te diré a quién o con quien preferiría:

1. salvar de un incendio.

2. que cuidase de mí si me pongo enfermo.

3. compartir una semana a solas.

4. meterme en la cama.

5. hacerle una invitación sexual.

6. cocinarle una cena romántica.

7. emborracharme.

8. contarle mis secretos.

9. ir de viaje por carretera.

10. cuidar si se pusiese enfermo.

11. no volver a hablarle.

12. casarme durante una borrachera.

13. proponerle matrimonio.

14. cometer un crimen.

15. tener como mejor amigo.

16. tener un trío.

17. que cocinase para mí.

18. darle una serenata.

19. que me enseñe algo.

20. tener un bebé.

21. haber conocido nunca

Envíame “!” para descubrir la vida en matrimonio de nuestros personajes

¿Quién fue quien pidió matrimonio?:

¿Quién se estresó más planeando la boda?:

¿Quién decoró la casa?:

¿Quién es más organizado?:

¿Quién comienza la diversión en el dormitorio?:

¿Quién sugirió primero tener hijos?:

¿Quién es más dominante?:

¿Quién es más mimoso?:

¿Cuál es su actividad no sexual favorita?:

¿Quién mata las arañas?:

¿Quién se duerme antes?:

¿Quién es más ruidoso?:

¿A quién le gusta más experimentar?:

¿Follan o hacen el amor?:

¿Quién empieza las cosas normalmente?:

¿Quién es más sensible?:

¿Quién tiene más paciencia?:

crédito ( x )

Get to know the people in my muse’s life.

Send me a symbol and I’ll tell you about…

🌟 …someone my muse trusts.

💔 …someone who broke my muse’s heart.

💕 …someone my muse loves.

😒 …someone my muse hates.

🔥…someone my muse would die for.

💀 …someone my muse would kill for.

👻 …someone my muse considers a best friend.

💘 …someone my muse has a crush on.

🔪 …someone my muse hurt in the past.

👀 …someone my muse likes, but doesn’t trust.

💩 …someone my muse dislikes, but admires.

👿 …someone my muse used to like, but doesn’t anymore.

😉 …someone my muse has had sex with.

💋 …someone my muse used to date.

😜 …someone who makes my muse laugh.

👪 …someone in my muse’s family.

👑 …someone my muse is jealous of.

👊 …someone who hates my muse.

👫 …someone who has a crush on my muse.

👌 …someone my muse has only met once, but will never forget.

🍓…someone my muse has never met, but wants to meet.

👰 …someone my muse would consider marrying.

crédito ( x )

sex+romance headcanons!

Send me a symbol. Please note that some answers may be NSFW.

🌟 What is my muse’s sexual/romantic orientation?

💦 At what age did my muse lose their virginity?

😘 Would my muse have sex on the first date?

😊 Would my muse ever ask someone on a date?

👍 Does my muse prefer to be asked on a date, or would they rather do the asking?

😉 What are my muse’s fetishes/kinks?

💬 When did my muse go on their first date?

💯 What is my muse’s ideal date?

💗 Has my muse ever been in love?

👠 What was my muse’s last serious relationship like?

👰 Would my muse ever get married?

🌼 Would my muse prefer a big wedding or a small wedding?

🍬 Is my muse a sub, dom, or switch?

🏩 What was my muse’s first time like?

🎆 Is my muse into monogamy?

💕 Would my muse ever be in a polyamorous relationship?

🔥 Would my muse ever be up for a threesome?

👮 Has my muse ever had sex in public?

💔 What was my muse’s first heartbreak?

💑 What are my muse’s requirements for a potential partner?

💋 How many people has my muse slept with?

👀 Is my muse the type to sleep around?

👎 Would my muse ever cheat on their partner?

😳 What was my muse’s worst romantic/sexual relationship?

💲Would my muse ever date/marry/sleep with someone because they were rich?

👓 Would my muse ever lie for sex?

👿 Would my muse ever blackmail someone into sex?

🎥 Who is my muse’s celebrity crush?

🎀 Who would my muse sleep with if nobody ever had to know?

💍 Has my muse ever had a one-night stand?

💝 Does my muse like Valentine’s Day?

💘 What are the ways my muse says ‘I love you’ without actually saying it?

crédito ( x )

Peer into my muse’s memories

❤️- A happy memory that makes them smile

💙- A sad memory that makes them cry

💛- A memory that makes them feel angry

💚- A memory that makes them feel guilty

💜- A memory about one of their loved ones, happy or sad

💔- A memory that leaves them feeling lonely

❣- A memory that leaves them laughing

💕- A memory about their significant other

💞- A memory about their children

💓- A memory about their friends

💗- A memory about a good deed they did

💖- A memory that made them feel special

💝- A memory that made them feel loved

💘- A memory that gets their heart pounding

💟- Wildcard!!!

crédito ( x )

send me a heart to learn something about my muse!

❤: does my muse consider themselves a romantic?

♡: how does my muse act, consciously and/or subconsciously, around people they are romantically interested in?

❥: what is my muse's ideal date?

ღ: how does my muse feel about displays of affection in public and/or in private?

💕: how does my muse express their feelings? do they do through small but meaningful gestures, or through bold declarations?

💘: how does my muse act/react when they first realize that they had a crush on somebody?

💝: what would my muse consider a "perfect gift"?

💓: how does my muse feel about physical intimacy?

💌: how would my muse go about confessing to someone they liked? would they do it indirectly or directly, or maybe not at all?

💟: what are three traits that my muse looks for in a partner?

💙: how would my muse handle seeing their object of affection falling in love with someone else?

💚: how does my muse feel about love? about falling in love? about being in love?

💜: how long might it take for my muse to say "i love you" for the first time?

💛: does my muse believe in love-at-first-sight? in soulmates? in fate?

crédito ( x )

PARA USUARIOS

this OR that

Bold which one you prefers.

harry potter OR lord of the rings

coffee OR tea

day OR night

summer OR winter

rain OR shine

sports OR books

movies OR theater

being liked OR being feared

having lots of acquaintances OR having a few close friends

reading OR writing

camping OR hotels

small towns OR big cities

cats OR dogs

texting OR talking on the phone

sleeping in OR getting up early

staying up late OR going to bed early

talking OR silence

money OR talent

lying to spare someone’s feelings OR being honest and direct

avoiding confrontation OR fighting absolutely everyone

working hard OR taking things easy

not touching a single human being OR cuddling everyone ever

optimism OR realism

crédito ( x )

Send me a symbol!

🍿Favorite Movie? ⭐️Favorite Celebrity? 🎮 Favorite Video Game? 🔪 Favorite Weapon? 🎃 Favorite Holiday? 🍩 Favorite Dessert? 🍎 Favorite Fruit? 🥗 Favorite Vegetable? (if any?) 😱 Favorite trope in movies?

🌧 Clear Skies or Rain? 🌕 Sun or Moon? 🔥 Snow or Fire? 🐉 Dragons or Aliens? 🦐 Shrimp or Keith? 🐝 Bees or Ladybugs? 🎧 Concerts or Plays? 😇 Fluff or Angst? 🐳 Whales or Dolphins? 🎨 Art or Writing? 🍪 Cookies or Candy? 📱Android or Apple? 💰Cops or Robbers? 🐺 Werewolves or Vampires?

😈 What’s the evilest thing you’ve ever done? 👻 If you died, who would you haunt first? 🔮 If you could, would you see the time and date of your death? 🌉 If you could go anywhere right now, all expenses paid, where would you go? ❄️ If you had elemental powers, which ones would you want and why? 🦊 If you were an animal, which one would you be and why? ☘️ Do you believe in luck? ⚔️ If you could meet any fictional character in person, who would it be? 👽 Do you believe in life outside of our universe?

crédito ( x )

Questions!

Who is your favorite character in __?

Who is your favorite OC?

Do you have a favorite AU?

Name one thing you don’t like about your character.

Name one thing you love about your character.

Who is your favorite muse to RP with that is not yours?

If there is one thing you can change regarding your character’s world, what would it be?

Draw your muse?

What one character you’ve thought of RPing but haven’t yet?

Is there anything character-wise or writing style-wise that you can’t stand?

When is the best time for you to sit down and write replies?

What kind of anonymous questions are your favorite?

What is your weakest point in writing? Angst, fluff, dialogue, etc.?

Is there one thing you will not write at all, either due to personal choice or other reasons (you do not need to specify why if you do not want to)?

Do you prefer writing paragraphs or simple sentences?

Has your character(s) changed over the time that you have been playing them? How have they changed?

What fandom do you like but have never interacted with?

Do you like crossovers? Do you have any that you like more? Less?

Do you like OCs?

Name one thing about your character(s) that no one knows about.

Free Question! Ask any question you wish with this number!

crédito ( x )

#brokenbloodactividad #brokenaniversario

31 notes · View notes

cabotcreekuniversity · 7 years

Photo

Dear Ester Cantarini as portrayed by BIRDY,

Congratulations! On behalf of Cabot Creek University, I am pleased to announce your admission for Fall 2017!

The academic and personal accomplishments reflected on your application for admissions are exactly what Cabot Creek University embodies and represents.

We cannot wait to greet you this coming school year.

Please [ check here ] for further instructions on accepting the offer of admissions. We look forward to working with you.

✯ OOC Questionnaire ✯

Name, Age, Timezone, Pronouns: Birdy, 21, CST, She/her

✯ IC Questionnaire ✯ Answer the following OOC about your character:

Character name: Ester Cantarini

Character major: History & Journalism - A History major with a minor in Journalism. She’s almost positive she’s going to look overeager, diving straight in but she’s hoping that a history major might just lead into the history of the college. Perhaps it won’t; she’s not planning on sticking with either of these for entirely too long if they don’t work out the way she thinks they will. They’re more for snooping purposes, her scapegoat per-say. If anyone asks she’ll simply say it’s for a research project – that should work, right?

Clubs or sports: Ghost Hunters, Martial Arts

Will your character have a job?: Unemployed at the moment but maybe a job later?? Who the heck knows? Not Ester.

Give us a head canon about your character: Ever since she could babble as a wee babe Ester has talked to things that were unseen to other people. Her family brushed it off, she was a baby – babies talked all the time for seemingly no reason at all. It wasn’t until she actually started forming words that her peculiar hobby became a bit more interesting, but again her family figured she’s a kid, they all have imaginary friends at some point in time. Ester always thought it was a bit strange that no one seemed to believe her about these things she would see and so as the years went on she simply decided to quit paying attention to them. And things seemed to calm down, other than the glimpses of something being in her peripheral vision or the feeling that something was watching her anytime the lights were shut off but she never spoke about the experiences to anyone. No one had ever encouraged her or really bothered to ask about it so she simply figured it was better to leave it as it was.

Answer the following questions IC about your character. Feel free to use a gif to respond if you’d like:

What is an issue you feel most passionate about?: “How many dogs I can adopt once I have my own house,” she joked. “Why people only want to play as Jason Voorhees in the Friday the 13th Game. I mean come on guys, we can’t all be the killer.”

Describe your thoughts on social media?: “It’s pretty useful to keep up with people when you’ve been shut in your house for like two days straight. You can post selfies on Snapchat so people know you’re still alive.” A pause, a quiet laugh. “Even if your caption is, ‘help me I’ve run out of coffee and I’m going to die.’“

What is your favorite fandom or movie or TV show or book series (choose one)?: “Just one? What kind of cruel joke is this?” A small smile appears on her face. “Ummm, Scream.”

Opinion on love and romance?: There’s a slight falter with the smile on her face, “Love was always more of my sister, Gretchen’s thing.” Her gaze travels elsewhere, never fully stopping on a point of focus. “I think it’s possible it’s out there. I’m just not sure it’s something I want anything to do with.”

Optional Extras: http://estersmocktopia.tumblr.com/ Headcanon #2: There are many things Ester fears, though she’d never let anyone else know that. The mask she puts on shows her as a fearless person because she is – she’s not afraid of the dead. She learned long ago that they can’t hurt you. What she’s afraid of is the living. Those that walk and breathe, they are the ones with the capability to do damage. That’s why she prefers to keep to herself more often than not, but occasionally someone will come along and prove her wrong. But she’s always rather wary of them if she gets to thinking about it too much.

#ccuaccepted #horror rp #lsrpg #university rp #supernatural rp

2 notes · View notes

raystart · 7 years

Photo

The Creative Conundrum: Pursue Your Art or Get a “Real Job”

I could have been a lawyer.

I could have been a guy who wakes up early every morning and shaves and wears a tie and commutes; a guy with a regular pay check and cushy benefits who argues for a living—instead of a guy who works at home in his sweats, filling blank pages with words.

This is what I remind myself. . .

Whenever another one of the countless story ideas I’ve submitted over the past forty years is unceremoniously rejected, “Thanks but no thanks.”

Whenever I’m chasing a client for a check—some multimillion-dollar corporation with a newsstand circ of ten million, which uses my work immediately but takes nine months to pay.

Whenever I’m making rushed, last minute changes to a story I finished months ago because the editor in chief has finally gotten around to reading it. (They call this a top edit. I always wonder: Does that mean I’m the bottom?)

I could have been a lawyer. I could have been a lawyer. I could have been a lawyer. Instead of a guy who creates.

***

I guess I always wanted to be an artist. I suffered the early afflictions of being a kid who was loved too much. I felt special. I wanted other people to know. I figured out after a while that it isn’t enough just to tell them. You have to do something. You have to demonstrate. You have to create something that leaves an impression.

When I was in middle school, I thought it was music. I had long hair and a knockoff Les Paul electric guitar. I wrote songs and I sang. I remember taking an aptitude test, bubbling in any choice that seemed to indicate my innate musicality. Some people said I was a pretty good lead guitarist. I definitely met more girls. But I couldn’t remember the chords to the songs—I had them written down in a notebook on top of my amp. Neither could I read nor transpose music very well—like spelling and remembering multiplication tables, the mathematical, memorization stuff just wouldn’t stick. And frankly, despite endless pleasant hours of practice, my fingers weren’t long or agile enough to spider along the fretboard and make the sounds I was hearing in my head. I wanted to be special, but no matter how hard I worked, this wasn’t my milieu. (Someone made that pretty clear when they unplugged my amp during a solo at the school talent show.)

In high school I channeled my creativity (and need for recognition) into sports. The expression of one’s artful self through physicality is not limited to dance. Anyone who has played or followed a sport knows about the grace of competitive movement. A drop step and strong move to the basket; a change of direction in the open field, a headfake, a perfectly-executed forearm smash into the corner. I pushed myself as far as a 5-foot 3-inch, 135-pounder could go.

Along the way there was a dalliance with photography. I had a good eye for composition. I even won an award in a contest sponsored by the local newspaper. But in those days, photography required a darkroom and a lot of trays full of smelly solutions. The deeper I got into it, the more it started to feel like chemistry. My brain and my heart couldn’t talk to my fingers without going through a whole lot of technical stuff.

And then, during my junior year of college, an older fraternity brother bequeathed to me the editorship of the college literary magazine. He was due to bring out an issue. Soon to graduate, he’d lost interest. If the budget weren’t spent, the money would revert to the university’s coffers. Gathering together a rag-tag bunch of friends, pulling together resources from the English department, my frat, and the newspaper, we brought together an issue.

The night of production remains a Technicolor blur. What I remember is being in the college’s newspaper offices with a room full of novices, each of us equipped with an X-Acto knife, as publishing dictated in those days. Nobody knew what we were doing. I spent the night going from person to person, working with each to solve this problem and that. It was frustrating and difficult, but it was glorious, too. All of us in a room together, stretching our creative muscles, working to make something from nothing. It felt like one of those old movies starring Mickey Rooney and Judi Garland—we were like neighborhood kids who’d decided to put on a musical. Singing and dancing to the music of our own creation, we committed art.

After that I was asked to join the newspaper. I became a columnist and an editor. Almost every night, during the hours after all of my frat brothers had gone to bed, I found myself sitting in a chair at the poker table in the living room, typing my latest piece.

In writing, I’d finally found an outlet for the creativity I wanted to express. My mother always said I was a good bullshitter. Maybe that talent served me well. At any rate, by using words, I found that I was able to say the things I wanted to say—although it would take many years before everything sounded on the page the way I heard it in my head.

More than anything, I loved the process of writing. I loved the building of words into sentences, sentences into paragraphs, and so on. I loved the rhythms and the sounds. I loved the revisions, killing your darlings to create better ones. Frankly, I loved everything about it—playing the keyboard, reading to myself in a low monotone that is not quite humming and not quite talking about loud. The keys go clicka clack. Twenty-six neutral symbols are willfully recombined. Text appears. It fills the page. And then the next.

Over time, the accomplishment of output was my demonstration of self worth. Before me were the results of my creative being made whole. Nobody could argue with that.

***

You might wonder. If I loved writing so much, how did I end up in law school?

Having a profession to fall back on was my parent’s suggestion. It seemed like a logical plan. I had no clue how to become a writer, and nobody around me knew either. The play: Go to law school; get an important high-paying job; branch out into writing in my spare time, work up to making it a vocation. Surely it would be a way to distinguish myself from the hordes of other people who wanted to be writers, too.

Of course, this entailed actually having to show up at law school for three straight years.

I’ve never been good at doing things I don’t love, but I didn’t know this yet. I’d chosen law school not because I liked it or wanted to do it—I’d interned for a lawyer my junior year of college and loathed almost every minute—but because it seemed the mature course of action. I was now an adult, and that’s what adults did, right? Make a plan and stick with it no matter what.

I lasted three weeks.

#startups #text #startup #advice #busieness #howto #news #tech #love

0 notes