#love thinking about how this different ending affects things

[artofshinga]

A bit ago I did a whole-ass set of warlocks based on D&D 5e subclasses - mostly for fun and also because my RP group was planning a warlock game. I didn't HAVE to draw one of each but doing so DID help me decide which one I wanted to play (this is, to note, why the characters are all pretty fem-coded - because that's my favorite to RP) Anyway, after I drew them all, folks asked if I'd do other classes too. And I was like, maybe? But, sorcerer did sound fun to do this with so over the last few months I've been working on them kinda on the side while I put most my energy in, like, the commissions I need to finish lol. But here, a bunch of theoretical sorcerers I'd personally play in a game:

Let's start us off with Iris, a half-elf who'd be living a pretty normal life in a normal job (I was thinking she was probably a waitress or somethin) until she finds something weird - a piece of a meteor or something, you know how it goes. Suddenly she has powers, and that's where her adventure would begin More sorcerers under the cut!

Tally I struggled with because, as it turns out, little mechanical fairy wings are complicated to draw. BUT also fun - I liked the idea of a fairy who's lost her wings and while she's trapped in the material plane she befriends a clockmaker who builds her little wings for her and eventually her magic ends up kind of syncing up with the mechanical way he teaches her about the world

Elysia was actually the last one I drew, since I have a DIFFERENT Divine Soul sorcerer I've already designed and want to play as a priority, but then I happened to see something about Greek gods while watching TV one day and thought, oh hey, that'd be a fun way to play with a divinity-themed sorcerer - maybe a musician that caught the affections of a god who blessed her with magic

Cherish is a cheerful tiefling working at an inn with her former-adventurer mother. We can guess what sort of things her mother got up to in her adventure since she ended up raising a child with some mysteriously draconic features

NGL Aine was just a way for me to play with some of the inspirations I used to cling to as a kid. Sailor Moon and other various bits of anime and JRPGs and such that I loved in my youth and used a LOT to inspire art. I wanted to remember that - and a catgirl wearing too many belts sounded perfect for that

Leila is probably my weirdest - she's SPECIFIC, like if there's a campaign set in the Shadowfell or something, I imagined a maid working in a mansion that gets magicked away to this realm and her gaining that shadow power when it happens

One of my first 5e characters was a storm sorcerer - more focused on rain and lightning and thunder. I used the same hair color and close to the same skin color to make this new storm sorcerer as a bit of a nod to that character, and wanted this one more focused on winter storms (including making her a winter eladrin elf)

and last but certainly not least, Gemma the halfling cursed with wild magic. I think she started off her adventuring life with a thieves' group before they found the wrong magic artifact. You know how it goes

#sorcerer #divine soul sorcerer #storm sorcerer #wild magic sorcerer #aberrant mind sorcerer #clockwork soul sorcerer #draconic bloodline #lunar sorcerer #shadow magic #tiefling #half elf #halfling #eladrin #tabaxi #fairy

[inchidentally]

x. com/ln4norris/status/1785872795974652036 thoughts on this?

this is one of those instances where so many ppl have this wildly different take on smth and honestly myself and the moots I talk to didn't even… realize it could be taken any other way ??

I think part of this is also bc some ppl are pretty new to landoscar so I'll put more effort into replying to this than I normally would bc I genuinely didn't and still don't see this as being some dramatic thing that Lando said!

but for better reference, I've actually compiled the full clips from the person who posted them in their stories originally with two clips of Lando and Carlos separately saying how their F1 buddies are NOT the same as their actual private life friendships bc I think it helps contextualize what Lando is talking about here.

I think the funniest misinterpretation about this is ppl taking these Shared Activities as indicating deep and meaningful friendships and that therefore Lando doesn't have anything deep or meaningful with Oscar… just bc no padel or golf ?? lasjfgsjla

"we don't do as many things away from the circuit [as Lando does with other drivers like Carlos and Max]"

like. in what world is that him saying anything but … that ?? it's not deep ??

esp when it corroborates what Lando said in that clip about how his relationships with the drivers he’s friends with depend on shared activities and that they’re not his actual close friends the way Max F and all his buddies in London are (he even says in the video above that his friends are mostly in London not Monaco!) and Carlos corroborated the same thing!

so for one thing, the reason he's fine with saying this is because he doesn't see it as some huge thing that he doesn't happen to have with Oscar ?? bc it's not some deep meaningful thing that he hangs with other drivers sometimes outside of F1! they're buddies sure but they're not his private life friends. that's normal and healthy !!

but the other thing that's honestly funny is ppl deciding to misinterpret this as either Lando being a callous asshole to Oscar or again, taking rpf too seriously and thinking "yaayyy I can pretend Lando is secretly in love with/has a deep bond with/is fucking [insert driver here] and hates Oscar"

and like Carlos, Daniel and Lando literally have identical bromance formats with each other and other drivers which makes the whole rpf competition thing so hilariously dumb?? they all do the common hobbies thing, the playing gay for laughs thing, the posting every interaction to social media for fan engagement thing, the roughhousing physicality thing - all with at least 3-5 other drivers. and when you count up the like rpf ship points that these people use to say which one is "better" then m@xiel shits all the way on dand0 for bonding and being mutually invested and charl0s absolutely dunks on carland0 for gay physicality and mutual affection and norrib0n comes along and reminds ppl that Alex remains a hero to Lando and Lando still gets starry eyes over him in a way he never will for Carlos or Daniel etc etc etcccc

all of which still end up paling in comparison to the actual, deep relationships these guys have with their girlfriends and with their private life friends! the idea that Lando will ever love a male friend the way he does Max F is like going to a rakes lying down park and stamping around to get hit in the face repeatedly like why would you bother to be that stupid bffr

[sidenote that I am SO glad for Lando to say smth like this video if it drives those fans away from landoscar. no joke. we do NOT want them here and we do NOT want them treating Lily the way they treat Heidi and Rebecca and treated Luisa and Isa. please stay in carland0 and dand0 and whatever else with that l@rry stylins0n misogynistic, closeted gay men as a fetish shit]

the reality is that if Lando was just meh about Oscar and disinterested in spending any more time with him than he needed to then why would he even point this out ? why would he bother to point out - with even kind of an exasperated pout in his voice - that Oscar isn't interested in anything they can spend time together doing if he… doesn't want to spend time with Oscar anyway ??

exactly asfgsajgflagf

and for ppl who are new, literally the reason a lot of us are so Compelled is precisely bc Lando and Oscar don't follow the cookie cutter bromance format and their respect and interest in each other doesn't rely on common activities or playing into fan PR. they're literally the anti-PR partnership not bc they hate each other or have drama but bc every member of their team says how much they've bonded as drivers and that every time we get content of them together they're beaming at each other and seem to have all these cute little in-jokes and softness. but none of it is for show! none of it jumps off the screen or has them knowingly trying to bait fans!

their entire dynamic is for their own benefit alone and both of them have said how happy they are to have their future together settled for so many years. and the whole vibe of landoscar fandom is that we were all fine with the idea of them just being work friends! then Silverstone happened and the Austin filming happened etc etc. and now we're all watching it and writing fic and making gifs and edits bc landoscar is gentle and gradual and sweet and boyish and genuine.

it's been this gradual little dance between two guys who each have a unique preoccupation with each other but they don't do any of the usual blokey things to force a friendship. Lando's fixations on Oscar's name and his hair and how he's taller and bigger than him and the weirdly horny verbal burps that come out aren't something he does with any of his other driver friends. Oscar is so chilled about other drivers and doesn't even do the whole hero worship thing, yet his internet history about Lando is it's own extremely unique thing that has carried over as his teammate in a way he's never been about another driver.

they don't roughhouse or make fun of each other or push each other's buttons for fun and they don't even raise their voices around each other ?? everything is so gentle and not macho at all ! Lando strangely feels awkward and looks right at Oscar to explain why he diverted to visit Daniel with Martin as a spontaneous unplanned thing even though Oscar wasn't even in Australia anymore when that happened and Oscar didn't even feel like it needed to be explained! Oscar learns and adapts to what Lando feels sensitive about and needs some help with and sometimes even keeps an eye out for his physical well being.

and I think something that has kind of been missed entirely is that the context for the latest video was Lando saying how he's always been the youngest or least experienced in a driver friendship dynamic and - as he's said many times before! - he finds the idea of having to be the older experienced leader not at all comfortable!

which leads to smth a lot of us have always found the sweetest part of the 814 dynamic, the fact that Lando realized early on that he doesn't have to Try with Oscar and he can just exist in his feelings with Oscar and Oscar does not push and he does not get annoyed or weird or offended! and that means that Lando is yes, free to be the full range of bratty to sweetheart and everything in between bc Oscar will just smile at him and be patient. but !! it also means that unless Lando uses his words or takes charge, Oscar will remain in that quiet patient position in their dynamic and won't presume to take charge.

so Lando wishes Oscar would be the older one and take the initiative and now he's in a pickle where he's saying they only don't hang out bc Oscar won't share an interest with him and you can see for a second he knows what he's saying isn't true bc they all talked on a fan stage about a padel competition between Williams and McLaren and he remembers inviting Oscar out to golf at the last minute one time and that Oscar only declined bc he doesn't know how to play and didn't want to hold everyone up but ugh !!! like that is SUCH a Lando situation to get himself into and to somehow be mad at Oscar about <3<3

but ever since Oscar arrived with very little fanfare and decided not to draw too much attention to himself until literally recently, when the Alpine drama was finally firmly behind him, he's been so intent on showing his deference to Lando and even as lately as the place swap in Melbourne that he fully understands the driver dynamics within the team and respects it. and the thing is that Oscar genuinely is so happy to wait and see what Lando wants or needs that it would never remotely occur to him to push or insert himself into Lando's social life unless invited!

so yes, being a fan of landoscar is just like this! it'll never be the PR friendly bromance or the l@rry stylins0n conspiracy theory.

and yep weirdly enough for how so many ppl are taking it, this video for us is so sweet bc Lando's publicly muddling around about why won't Oscar do a mutual interest with him but also already having admitted that he's not good at taking the role that he needs to and pulling Oscar along into his social life the way Carlos, Daniel, Max etc have always done with him - all while Oscar is oblivious and doesn't think anything is even wrong ! and oh boy, Oscar being too literal and not being the type to be pushy ends up assuming he's doing the right thing by not trying to invite himself along to anything with Lando!

like, this is how it goes! if you want the whole bromance catering precisely to your ship needs OR you're hunting for huge drama and simmering resentments that turn into huge drama then this is NOT the place for you lasfgalfg

don't get me wrong I eat up the bromances and the doomed drama partnerships too but I just don't find them worth writing all these stupid posts about like I do w landoscar bc those partnerships are what you see is what you get. apparently what gets me going is The Yearning and The Miscommunication.

#inchreplies #landoscar #twinklaren #mctwinks #apparently ppl are posting wank in the main tags so I'm sticking this in there for counterbalance saflgjsal #mine

[k0juki]

Hiii!!

Could you please do a one-shot with jealous! Kimi? Maybe during an interview, he's already had enough and wants to leave, but after seeing a journalist or somebody else trying to flirt with his gf (they both agreed to keep their relationship private), he loses it and once he goes up to her after telling that guy to get lost, he physically relaxes and basically melts to her touch...forgetting that they were surrounded by cameras that had just recorded every second of the exchange.

I'd like to imagine how the other drivers and the fans in general would react to that :))

Thanxx <3

Yur!!!🧊 Sorry it took me too so long...school is pain.

His girl

Kimi Räikkönen x fem!reader

English is not my first language so feel free to point out any mistakes or errors!

More stuff here!

Words: 573

---

It wasn't strange to see Kimi annoyed. Most people that worked with him knew how he could get and this was no different. But what annoys him the most are only two things. 

Firstly, not winning the race and media being dick about it and secondly, when anyone flirts with his girl. Of course nobody knows that you are together, but still, it makes his Finnish blood boil.

And let's just say that today wasn't his best day at all. Not only he fucked up the rece, but as the interview progressed, Kimi patience wore thinner with each passing question. He'd had enough of the same inquiries, the same stupid questions and the same attempts to extract emotions from him that he preferred to keep hidden. Yet, he maintained his ice cool demeanor, answering tersely but efficiently. 

However, his face cracked when he caught a glimpse of someone leaning a bit too close to his girlfriend, Y/n, who was standing just a few feet away, watching the interview with a supportive smile that he loves. She is his safe place. When something happens, he knows that he can go to her. To make him feel loved. 

And when he heard the journalist's flirtatious tone and lingering gaze he held on her, made Kimi's blood boil beneath his calm exterior. In a rare moment of unfiltered emotion, Kimi abruptly ended the interview, muttering something about needing a break and with determined strides, he made his way over to Y/n, who looked surprised at his sudden approach. 

"Hey, is everything okay?" she asked, concern evident in her voice, but Kimi ignored her question and pulled her into his arms possessively, caging her in and casting a sharp glare at the journalist who had dared to encroach on his territory. His girl.

"Get lost" he growled, the words were laced with a dangerous edge and it almost sounded like a threat. Once the unwanted intruder had retreated, Kimi felt a wave of relief wash over him. His tense muscles gradually relaxed as he buried his face in Y/n's hair, inhaling her familiar scent that he loves so much. 

The anger started to melt away and was replaced by a sense of calm and contentment that only she could bring him. Unbeknownst to Kimi, their intimate moment had been captured by the surrounding cameras, broadcasting his uncharacteristic display of jealousy to the world. 

Among the other drivers, reactions varied. Some were surprised, having never seen this side of Kimi before, while others like Sebastian just gave a knowing look, he understood the depth of Kimi's feelings for Y/n. As for the fans, social media and everyone else erupted with speculation and commentary. 

"I think everyone knows that we are together now." You murmured against him. His strong arms still wrapped around you.

"Yeah, but at least they won't be flirting with you before my eyes."

---

In the days that followed, Kimi and Y/n found themselves surrounded by an outpouring of support and affection from fans, friends, and fellow drivers. Despite initially feeling exposed by the public display of their relationship, they soon realized that it had only brought them closer together. 

As they retreated to the quiet sanctuary of their home, Kimi and Y/n reveled in the simple joys of each other's company. They shared laughter, tender moments and whispered words of love that were meant for each other's ears alone. 

---

Requests are open!

Don't copy or translate my work! Also the picture is not mine! Credit goes to owner!

#x reader #k0juki's stuff 🩷 #f1 #f1 x reader #x female!reader #kimi raikkonen #kimi raikkonen x reader #kimi räikkönen x fem!reader #kimi räikkönen x reader #kimi räikkonën #kimi #kr7 #kimi raikkonen x you #sebastian vettel x reader #sebastian vettel #charles leclerc #charles leclerc x reader #max verstappen #max verstappen x reader #x fem!reader #x female reader #formula 1

[pit-and-the-pen]

I'll Crawl Home to Her- Chapter 2

Sorry this update took a little longer, I had some personal stuff going on and my work schedule was pretty packed this week.

Also, this is a fix-it fic. It'll be following the events of the whole series so buckle in y'all.

Chapter warnings: Warnings: Mention of abuse/ trauma, one comment about weight in terms of said said abuse , minor blood

WC: 9.6K

Read the previous parts here

[prologue] [chapter 1]

“Rhys is the most handsome High Lord.” I read line after line of similar words. I rolled my eyes at my brother's antics. 

“He’s sure laying it on thick.” I say as I sat down next to Feyre. She looks up from her writing and gives me a guarded laugh. 

“At least I’m entertaining.” She huffs out. 

“I can help you too, if you want. Give you a break from him.” She raises her eyebrow at me, studying me with a look that made me want to sink in on myself. 

“Why?” She asks sharply  

I willed my temper down. “Because despite what Tamlin might tell you, we’re not evil,” I spit out at her, she doesn’t flinch even slightly at the venom in my voice. “And you’re going to be here once a month for the foreseeable future. I’d like us to at least tolerate each other. Plus, it would piss off my brother.” Her eyes shone with mischief.

“You should have started with that.” And that was that. I pushed Rhys’ papers to the side and picked out a few books that had been my favorite. The plots are interesting enough to make up for the basic words used. Feyre caught on fairly easily. She could recognize almost all of the basic words but struggled to read them out loud. Not fully understanding how the sounds mashed together. We sat and read, and then when that got to be too much for her we just started talking. It was nothing deep, not really gossip either. Just casual words thrown back and forth until she asks out of the blue. “What’s the deal with Tamlin and Rhys?” I froze into stillness only fae possessed. Sensing my discomfort she backtracked. “You don’t have to tell me. I shouldn’t have asked.” Her voice held a little edge of fear. I forced my shoulders to relax. 

“No, you have every right to ask. It’s…complicated. You’re walking into centuries old distrust and unfortunately, are caught in the middle.” It wasn’t fair to her to be caught in all of this old shit. That was our baggage and I could see it was affecting her but she pressed on.

“But why do they hate each other so much?”

“I’m not the best person to ask.” She narrowed her eyes at my non-answer. I sighed. “We’ve both done some terrible things to each other's courts, the wounds run deep and that’s all I’ll tell you.”

“Why?” She would not let up. 

“Because you love Tamlin. And I don’t want you to think I’m trying to ruin whatever picture you have of him.” That really seemed to pique her curiosity. 

“You had a different experience with him?” It felt like she had punched me in the stomach. No. That’s the problem, I had the exact same experience with him and I ended up just as broken as I can see you’re becoming. 

“That’s not a story for today.” I tried to keep the shake out of my voice and maybe it was that, or the fear I know I couldn’t keep off of my face that made her drop the subject with a small, “okay”. 

It was lunch time before we decided to take a break.  “Do you want to eat here or go out with the others?” 

“Rhys will just pull me out if I don’t.” 

“My brother can fuck off. What do you want to do?” I saw a ghost of a smile twitch across her face. So we ate in the library. I left only long enough to stack up two plates full of food. Rhys took in the amount of food I was grabbing, 

“Hungry today?” I only stuck my tongue out at him and walked back out of the room. 

Rhys joined us a little after lunch. If he was surprised to still see me in here, he didn’t let it show. I didn’t leave until Feyre told me she was okay with me doing so. 

It was probably overkill to be so protective of her, Rhys was the last person who would ever try to hurt her or anything like that but she was still uneasy around him. She hid it well with the sheer disdain she showed him but I could tell from the rigidness of her shoulders and that slight edge in her voice. But there was also something else there that I couldn’t put my finger on. 

Feyre had stayed in the library long after their meeting. I found her hunched over another book, finger slowly tracing over the words. She hardly looked up as I placed another plate of food in front of her and went to walk out of the room. She didn’t call after me and I was okay with that. Scared she might start another round of questions. 

I didn’t see much of her after that. So I traveled back and forth between Velaris. Spending half my time at the manor and the other half actually doing my job as researcher. I really didn’t have to work but it gave me something to fill up my days. Before Amarantha I spent most of my time helping Cassian manage the Illyrians, from the background of course. Being the High Lords sister did not save me from their views on females. So I only showed up when necessary, Azriel and Cassian always following behind me. They learned fast enough to keep their tongues in check if they wanted to keep them in their mouths. 

Currently I was looking at old maps of Prythian. Combining through records for landscapes and t river patterns. Where the boundaries have shifted over time. And then came the daunting task of trying to pick out recountings of the old war. Figuring out who does best with what court. Prepping for the outcome we were all dreading, another war with Hybern. 

“I don’t understand what you’re trying to get from these books.” Cassian said, absently flipping through the large leather bound book I had just placed to the side. 

“Anything. Weakness, strengths, strategies, gods, anything.” I said leaning back. I knew I had to take a break, when I closed my eyes I could still see the words swirling in the blackness behind my eyelids. I took a deep breath and went to look at the giant map I had covered my desk with. Pins and markers to recount every movement during the last war. 

“Do you really think that it’s going to help?” I know he wasn’t trying to be rude. His voice was soft when he asked and my shoulders sunk in slightly. 

“I don’t know. But if it does…” He nodded in understanding. Azriel knocked lightly on the door, making both Cas and I jump. He had learned to knock now after he had to dodge out of the way of the book I had launched at him last week. I still haven't reaccustomed myself to how quiet his footsteps could be. A skill I had once prided myself on, I had even been able to pick up on those silent footsteps and find him before he wanted to be seen. 

“Just wanted to remind you two to eat.” He looked at the books strewn across the table, taking note of the one Cassian was still flipping through, playing with truly. “I know how you can get when you’re focused. Time for food.” He smiled at the shy look I gave him from being called out. Many times he had to drag me out of my office when I really got into something. His smile made me think he was remembering those times too. 

“If we go, will you two stop making eyes at each other?” Cassian spoke up, making me break away from Azriel’s stare. 

“We were not.” I responded, trying to tame the blush in my cheeks. Get it together. I told myself as I forced myself to turn to Cas. His eye roll was the only answer I got. Azriel had already started walking down the hall and I slapped Cassian on the arm.

“You’re so annoying sometimes Cas.”

“And you love me for it.” He gave me a loud, wet peck on the cheek and gave a full head-thrown-back laugh when I made a big show of wiping it off. 

I didn't return to the other house that night. Opting to stay with my friends. One of whom, Cassian, had gone into the wine cellar and returned with his arms almost full of the expensive bottles. I just laughed as he shot me a wink. I blew him a kiss back as I settled down on the couch besides Mor. 

We didn’t bother getting glasses, passing the bottles around while we talked about absolutely nothing, acting like we had during our teenage years. It was later in the night before Rhys appeared in the living room. He took one look at all of us and rolled his eyes before he swiped the bottle out of my hand and brought it to his lips. 

Mor and I were fully supporting each other's weight on the couch, I couldn’t tell who was leaning against who more but our giggles started to get louder and more frequent. She whispered to me so quietly I had to strain to hear her. “Stop staring at him.” And we fell into another fit of giggles.

She was right though, everytime Azriel talked I could feel how my eyes stayed locked on him. Reminding myself to breathe when he pulled the bottle to his lips. I pushed off of Mor and went to stand up, wobbling slightly as my feet touched the ground. Azriel made a move like he was going to catch me if I took a face first dive on the carpet but when I steadied myself, he moved back. It happened so fast I wonder if I imagined it.

“I think it’s bedtime.” I said, mouth feeling mushy as the words came out. Mor laughed again and I turned to face her and gave her a rude gesture. I offered that same hand to pull her up to her feet and she pouted before taking it. Everyone seemed to get the hint that it was late so all of us in our various drunken states started the climb up the stairs to our rooms. Good nights thrown through the hallways, Cassian all but screaming it to make sure Mor and I heard him. The sound made us flinch before laughing again as I closed the door to my room. 

---------------------

Before I knew it Feyre’s week was officially up. She had demanded to be brought back home and I fought down the biting comments I wanted to make as Rhys agreed. I stepped besides the pair and she looked over to me for a brief second before pretending that neither of us existed. 

“You don’t have to come with me. Rhys spoke into my mind and replied with a shake of my head. I could do this for Feyre. Despite every part of my body screaming at me for bringing her back to the Spring court, if she could be brave then so could I. He sighed at my stubbornness but knew that there was no changing my mind. 

We weren’t going far. Simply dropping her at the border of spring and summer and making sure she got into the manor. I could manage that. Yet as we were getting ready to winnow in, I felt my hands go clammy. I remember me saying I’ll never go back there willingly.

The smell was the first thing that hit me. The overwhelming floral scent. I could smell the roses from the outside of the manor this far away, their sheer number coating the air with a smell that threatened to suffocate me on the spot. 

“Goodbye, Feyre.” She had already started walking before he finished speaking, not sparing so much as a glance back to us. So we stood and watched her retreating figure until those wooden doors closed behind her. That was that. 

We didn’t return to Hewn city, instead winnowing outside the townhome. 

Rhys didn’t stay to greet our friends. Instead, he all but ran up the stairs to either go to his study or his room. Everyone gave me a tentative look before I shrugged and sprawled out on the couch besides Azriel. 

He didn’t try to pull away from me. Instead, he lifted his hands from their spot on his lap. His way of telling me I could place my legs up so I didn’t have to sit awkwardly to avoid his wings. I did and I ignored how happy that little gesture made me. Over the last few weeks he seemed to be able to handle being around me again.

Cassian started rapid firing questions at me. What is she like? She threw what at Rhys? Anything for scraps of what their brother's mate was actually like. Sure they had gotten the story of her trials but this was different, getting to know who she actually was. Cassian seemed pleased to know she was still just as head strong. “Maybe someone will finally humble him a little.” He chuckled 

 Rhys spoke up as he entered the room. “Who’s humbling who?” He picked at an invisible piece of lint on his shoulder. The only sign of how upset sending Feyre back had made him. 

Cassian didn’t answer but instead asked “Did she really throw a shoe at you?” He laughed when Rhys shot me a dirty look. Answering the question for him. “I want to meet her.” Cassian said and I swore he was almost pouting. 

Rhys sighed, “And have you scare her off.” Cassian looked hurt so Rhys added, “Let her get more adjusted to me before we add all of this into the mix. Besides, she cannot see Velaris. Not when…” not when she came back to Tamlin. Not when she could still spill every little secret of ours to one of our biggest enemies. 

Cas looked like he wanted to argue but only said “Princess gets to see her.” 

“Because I have a winning personality.” I smiled at him and he launched one of the small pillows from his chair at me. I managed to deflect it but as it bounced off my arm it hit Azriel square in the face. I bit down my laughter at his faux outraged face. He threw it back and before I knew it, they were yelling at each other, well Cas was yelling and Azriel was trying his hardest not to laugh.Sensing a fight was emanate, I pushed off of Azriel and spoke loudly over the two Illyrian males. 

“Outside if you’re going to fight.” Even Armen, who had stalked into the room around as Rhys laughed at that. 

Cassian turned to me, his temper still flaring. “We’re not dogs.” 

“Last time you both fought in the house, I was cleaning up glass for a week.” I raised an eyebrow at him, challenging him to say otherwise. 

Azriel spared Cassian from having to respond. “C’mon.” He said, pulling Cassian to what I could only assume was the training ring. 

“I forgot how much you look like Rhys when you get bossy.” Cassian said as he was pulled from the room. And my responding gesture made the rest of the room go up in laughs. Rhys followed them out. Probably needing to get rid of his own tension and Armen had snuck back into the research room. 

I didn’t have it in me to just stare at maps all day long, regardless of knowing how much I needed to. So I just stayed in the living room, a random book from the shelf pulled onto my lap. 

Rhys came back first, hair only slightly disheveled, wings out proudly. “Once I get out of the bath, it’s time for your training.” I huffed and he could sense I was about to argue with him. “Cassian and Azriel told me you can’t use your powers.” Traitors. “So we’re going to figure out what the hel is wrong.” 

Less than an hour later I was sitting in Rhys’ study. A small candle flickering in front of me, taunting me to snuff it out. I pulled and pulled for any of the small dark tendrils to do so but found nothing. Sweat was beginning to form on my brow with how hard I was concentrating. 

Rhys huffed in frustration at my lack of progress. “It was easier teaching Feyre to read.” 

“Then by all means, go back to that. I’d love to see her throw another shoe at you.” I bit back at him and he just rolled his eyes. 

“Try again.” He went right back to business, ignoring my statement. I really did try. I Have been trying. That rich darkness that normally lingered under my skin seemed like it was hidden behind a wall. Just out of my grasp, so close I could almost taste it, almost touch it. I yelped as I reached out towards it. Pain flickering through my body as if it had burned me. Rhys’ hand on my shoulder snapped me out of whatever had happened. Sweat broke across my skin and I flinched as I felt my magic fight against the wall inside my head. 

“What’s happening?” I spoke to my brother. He just stared at me before I felt a phantom knock at my mental shields. I forced them open and almost screamed at the pain that flooded through me. I knew the moment he found it. Felt that sickening thread of magic that never released when the spell broke for the other high lords. Rhys’ presence in my head retreated and we could only look at each other. No words to be found between us. 

“Fuck.” The first word he uttered and I somehow found it in myself to laugh. 

“That bad?” 

“Good news is there’s not a physical block. No magic stopping you.” So why did he still look like death froze over? “Bad news, you’re the block.” 

“Go on?” 

“I don’t fully know but it looks like your magic is being tied up by your own magic.” 

“So, you’re saying. I’m the problem?”

“I’ve been saying that your whole life but yes, especially in this case.” He teased, trying to lighten the new tension in the air. I bite 

“Well then that simply means you’re going to be stuck with me a lot more. That or I go to Helion.” He rolled his eyes at the mention of the other high lord, one who has been trying for the last few centuries to get me into his bed. 

“Maybe.” shit. It must be serious if he’s actually willing to let Helion help. “Let’s hope it doesn’t come down to that.” He says solemnly and points back to the candle. I stare at him for a moment before sighing and trying to cover the light again. 

We sit as I try again and again and again. Nothing besides a small puff of black smoke to let us know that I’m even trying. Right as I’m about to say something I see Rhys flinch and his eyes flare with anger. Only not at me, his eyes look far away as that anger homes in on whatever must have made his shoulders tense. 

I see his eyes come back into focus and I don’t even have to ask before he’s spilling. “He hurt her.” I don’t need him to say who. “I can tell it’s nothing serious but I got nothing but pure fear from her.” Rhys had already explained that the bargain amplified the usual effects of the mating bond. That he could sometimes get whiffs of any strong emotion from Feyre. Fear, anger, mostly fear but as her nightmares have started to fade I haven't heard much about it. My stomach curls and I try to will my hands to not shake as my mind drifts to the endless possibilities of what could have happened. 

“It’ll be okay. She’s strong.” The words felt wrong in my mouth and Rhys said the very thing I had been thinking.

“You were strong.” 

“Well you can’t very well march in there and get her.” I saw the look on his face. “You can’t, we can’t. And she still doesn’t want us. Unless it feels like that first time…” He shook his head. So not as bad. Still bad, still awful enough for her to send fear down the bond but not bad enough that Rhys could only hear her screaming for someone to get her out of there. So we both let it go, ignored the thoughts that told every part of us to go help this girl from whatever Tamlin was inflicting. But even I knew that Tamlin’s anger comes from his love. That anger so wrapped in fear that something will happen that he almost wills those incidents into existence. 

We spend hours trying to break whatever block is in my head until I’m grumpy and all but biting his head off at every little comment he makes. He bites right back at me and I know there's no point in this anymore, both of us too on edge to do anything productive. Throwing his hands up in surrender he doesn’t stop me as I storm out of his study. I run head first into Azriel on my way to my room, his hands resting on my arms so I don’t topple over. 

“Training went that well.” He says with a small chuckle. The noise sends a low growl from my throat and he takes his hands off of me. “We’ll figure this out.” He says and I continue my path to my room, not staying long enough to see the concern in his eyes. 

I was still grumpy by the time that dinner rolled around but I managed to pull myself out of bed. My head is pounding from the strain and whatever Rhys did inside my mind. I throw on the first thing I find, still in my thin nightgown I pulled on after my bath, and head down to dinner. I don’t say much and not even Cassian tries to cheer me up, all he does is remind me that I’m joining them for training in the morning. I don’t respond with anything other than stabbing the chicken on my plate with extra force. 

---------------------

I struck the center of the dummy and looked over for Cassian for any semblance of approval. He gave me a bored look and I stomped over to the stupid thing and pulled all three of the daggers out of it. Cas wanted me to get back up to snuff with long range before he put a sword in my hand again. I had never needed the sword that I kept strapped to my back on the missions I would accompany Azriel on, always having my powers to stop anyone from getting that close in the first place. Between Azriel shadows and my blanket of darkness, very rarely did we ever need anything more than truth teller. 

I grunted in frustration as the sharp metal flew through my fingers time after time, all of them hitting the center of the target. 

“Fuck this Cas, I did the warm ups, I did the exercises. Let me fight.” I needed to do something more than this. If I couldn’t use my powers, if they never came back, I needed to be useful. In no world would I just sit around and let my friends risk death while I sat around playing with my maps. Cassian must have heard the desperation in my voice because he agreed. 

We circled each other and I got a rare glimpse of Cassian with no restraint. This was the war general that scared people just by being on the battlefield. I tried not to let the frision of fear show as he surveyed every inch of me, seemingly reading my body language like I was screaming my next moves at him. I didn’t stand a chance. His fist made contact with my nose before I could turn out of the way and I fell to the ground. My hand went up and when I pulled it back, my fingers were sticky with my blood. Cassian was instantly in front of me, mumbling out apologies. I held up my hand to stop him from talking. 

“Cassian.” A stern voice called out as I ran my hand along my nose again, feeling for any breaks. “What did you do to her?” Azriel’s voice was full of concern as he knelt besides Cassian. 

“Alright bat brains. I’m not dying,” I started to stand up and they both reached out their hands to help me up, I swatted them away and brushed off the dust on my pants. “It’s not the first time I’ve been too slow before, and it’s not going to be the last.” They both stared at me and I rolled my eyes. “C’mon. I still have to beat you Cas.” He shook his head laughing and Azriel shot him a glare. 

Cassian, never one to back down from a challenge, and never one to miss an opportunity to piss off Azriel, agreed to go back into the ring with me. He coached me through it this time, slowing down his punches to explain how to predict them and block them. All things that I knew but just needed more practice. By the end of the hour I was covered in sweat but I was able to block him without his guidance. Azriel didn’t leave either, hanging back to watch, adding his own little tips and tricks to help me get some advantage over Cassian but I still couldn’t get him to budge an inch. 

“Do you want to get in with her then?” Cassian shouted to Azriel as he continued to assist me from the side lines. I made a motion for Cassian to stop as I tried to catch my breath. Placing my hands on my knees and sucking in screaming breaths. 

“I think I’m done.” I panted out.

“If you wanted me to make you breathless princess, all you had to do was ask.” He winked and tossed a canteen full of water over to me. I drank half of it in one long gulp and forced myself to stand up straight. My muscles were already crying out in protest. Tomorrow was going to suck for sure. 

The three of us walked back up to the house, laughing and joking and I felt proud of the progress I was making. Even if the dried blood still on my hands might have suggested otherwise. 

---------------------

A month went by so fast, I had to tick off the days to make sure I was right.I woke up to Rhys preparing to collect Feyre from the spring court again. Rhys didn’t ask me to go with him this time, after that last flood of emotions he knew he would have a hard time containing himself let alone both of us. 

I was already waiting at the house for when they got back, ready to play mediator if need be. They had barely materialized before my brother was fussing over Feyre. The two bickered back and forth but from the way she looked over herself, I knew even she could hear the worry in his voice. She had lost more weight since the last time she had been here. The shadows under her eyes creeped back onto her pale skin. “Eat breakfast with me.” He said and I shifted from my place in the living room. Mor was somewhere in the house after her visit to the Court of Nightmares yesterday. Probably still decompressing with the bottle of wine she took with her to bed. 

I gave Feyre a small smile and she didn’t return it, but she didn’t glare at me either. It’s a step at least. The female in front of me gave a heavy sigh after weighing Rhys offer. The growl I heard come from her stomach seemed to make the decision for her. I didn’t follow them, if she had wanted me to I would have been able to tell. So I stayed close enough that I could swoop in and save her from my brother's overprotectiveness if need be. The glimpses of their conversation I caught weren’t the best but I stilled completely as I caught, 

“I was tortured, beaten and fucked until only I could tell myself who I was, what I was protecting. Please- help me keep that from happening again. To Prythian.” My heart ached at the words. He had had it so much worse than I did, regardless of what people might believe. I could see it on his face during some of his bad days, the scars of what Amarantha did to him. I didn’t listen to her response as I walked to my room. 

I found Feyre the next day as I had the last time, hunched over the table with more lines from Rhys to read. She was copying them in better handwriting than she had before. When I approached she didn’t so much as look up at me. I called her name gently and still nothing. So I took that as my sign to let her be. Rhys had gotten called to the war camps later that day. 

“Just look after her please. I know she’s fine but let me know if either of you need anything.” He blabbered as I all but pushed him out the door. 

“We’ll be fine, you overprotective mother hen.” His face fell slightly and I couldn’t stand that look on his face. “I’ll let you know if she needs anything, okay? Now go be a High Lord.” I saw a hint of a smile as he winnowed out of the house. 

I tried to stay out of her way. Whatever bit of goodwill she had allowed me last time seemingly disappeared. So I kept bringing her books when she ran out of the ones Rhys had given her, brought her food and left her to her own devices. Today, she didn’t give me a glare as I sat down in the armchair on her left. I opened my own book without giving her a second glance. The small hmph she made was the only indication she had even noticed my presence. She didn’t want to talk and quite frankly, neither did I, perfectly content with getting lost in our own books. 

It was around midday and the sun was just starting to peek through the heavy curtains of the library when I felt Rhys appear in the room. In his hands were trays of food which he presented to Feyre. A small thank you left her lips and I wanted to smack that smug look on Rhys face as he teased her. But then I saw his face get serious and I suddenly felt very much like I was intruding on a private moment. “Tell me how I can help you.” His voice was scratchy and I knew he was trying to hold back tears, to keep the conversation casual enough that she wouldn’t shut him out again. I truly did try to tune them out but these were the same things I had been wanting to say to her all week but couldn’t find the strength. 

“If you fall apart then the bitch wins. All of that is for nothing and she wins.” Rhys said plainly and Feyre flinched before going back to her book. I could tell that she was talking to him in her mind. My eyes grew wide when I saw that slight layer of frost cover the book cover. Rhys barely had time to dodge said book as it was thrown right at his head. It bounced harmlessly to the floor and I stifled a laugh. The laugh died in my throat when I saw the flicker of flames in her palms and I tried to reach my mind out to Rhys, he all but threw me out. 

Feyre and Rhys left later that day. I didn’t offer to come with, didn’t want to come with. Just like last time when Rhys returned to Velaris, he stalked to his office and hid out for the rest of the evening. I only got close enough to the door to leave a plate of food outside before retreating back to my side of the house. His emotions pouring through the door were enough to give me a headache, the way it felt like I was walking into a brick wall. I didn’t try to talk to him for the rest of the day. Instead choosing to pull my attention back to the map in my study. 

I had been neglecting it to focus on Feyre and Rhys but I knew it’s just because I wasn’t getting anywhere. No matter how many books I read, I couldn’t think of anything that would help us win this war. Not without all seven courts working together and I knew Hel would freeze over before that ever happened. 

So I read until my eyes became blurry and heavy. My head had gotten so heavy like the words were getting stuck and wouldn’t leave. When I felt my eyes starting to close and knocking on the door jostled me awake. I saw the shadows before I saw him, too tired to notice that they had time to take in my current state and report back to Az. 

“You should take a break.” He said as he went to pull up a chair at the table I was sitting at. 

“I can’t take a break when I haven’t found anything yet.” I whined at him. “I’m supposed to be good at this, I am good at this. Or at least I was.” I slumped in my chair and I saw that familiar look of concern flash through his warm amber eyes. He sat there, I could almost see the gears in his brain turning, his shadows starting to swirl around the floor like soothing waves. I stared at them and felt my mind calm slightly. He sighed and leaned back in his chair, wings flapping behind him. 

We just sat there in silence for a few moments and then he stood up suddenly. My eyes tracked the movement, following his arm as he extended a hand to me. It was like my brain short circuited at the gesture. He had to clear his throat before I snapped out of it and I timidly placed my hand in his. He led me out of my office and I felt his shadows on my heels. “Where are we going?” I laughed at how ridiculous this must look, one of the fiercest Illyrian warriors towing someone behind him like an excited kid. 

“Just be quiet. You’ll know when we get there.” His own voice full of an almost giddy excitement. So I let him pull me along. All the way outside until it clicked. There was a little patch of grass beside the Sidra that I loved to sit by when the weather was just starting to turn warm. Our little group used to spend free days out on that field, just soaking in the warmth. He gave me a proud smirk when we finally reached that stretch of grass. “Now, you’re going to sit and just enjoy being out here.”

“Is that an order?” I teased and he didn’t miss a beat. 

“If that means you’ll actually do it, then yes.” I sat and looked out over the river. The lights and sounds of the city walk could just trickle in, becoming a lovely hum in the back of my mind. I patted the spot next to me and Azriel sat beside me. I curled my knees up to my chest and rested my chin on top of them. Just looking at the city I loved so much. We didn’t talk, Azriel was always good for that. He knew when I needed the quiet. The sound of the small waves helped clear my head and after a while I felt my shoulders sink down, the tension lightening. It was still there of course but became more manageable as I could smell the water and Azriel’s pine and fresh air scent. It wrapped its way around me and held me like my favorite blanket. 

“Thank you.” I said, breaking the comfortable silence. We didn’t look at each other, still staring out at the city just ahead. 

“Of course. Anything for you,” He cleared his throat, “For one of my friends.” I bit down the string at that little word. I fought the urge to put some distance between us at the feeling that flooded me. The cruel reminder of just exactly how he saw me. So I just pulled my legs in tighter and ignored all the thoughts of him that began to take over. 

We didn’t head back to the house until sundown. The pair of us walked under the flickering faelights that lined the streets. It still blows my mind how much the city changed while I was gone. I told him that much. And he shrugged off the tiny complement. 

“Rhys and I will never be able to thank you enough for how much you all did while we were…gone.” My voice felt tight as I finished, “You kept our home safe when we couldn’t.” He turned to look at me and went to say something but stopped himself. His face looked slightly pained, in that concerned way he always managed. He shook his head slightly. 

“You did more than we ever could. You and Rhys gave us a chance to have something to protect in the first place.” In his words, I was pulled back to that night when it had all gone to shit. How Cassian and Azriel were out dealing with the camps and how I couldn’t convince Rhys not to go so I insisted that I come along. I had to beg him to let me come with him and he still wasn’t happy about it. We walked right into a trap and before most of his power had been ripped away from him he wiped the memory of Velaris from everyone who was under the mountain and let our friends know what was happening, how they couldn’t come after us without leaving Velaris unguarded. 

Azriel’s small nudge to my shoulder pulled me back to the present and his eyes asked the question before he needed to. 

“I’m okay.” But I felt how my arms had wrapped around myself but he didn’t say anything about it, letting me have my space. We reached the house again and I could hear Cassian and Mor’s voices floating down the hallway. The sound alone plastered a smile on my face. Azriel followed behind me as I rounded the corner and Cassian all but cheered when he saw me. “There you are princess, we went to pull you out of your study but it seems someone beat us to it.” He gave me a small wink and I laughed at the joke behind it. I shook my head as I sat down next to Mor who was already pouring me a glass of wine. 

Rhys spoke to me across the table, “I peaked in and saw the map, tomorrow if you’re up for it I want all of us to go over it.” I nodded and he smiled at me. And we all ate and joked and I left the love I felt for the people in the room washed over me like the waves in the Sidra. 

---------------------

“So if it comes down to war. Who do we have?” Rhys turned to Cassian and myself. We were all sitting around the map I had been working on, face grim as I explained the various markings. 

“The Illyrians don’t have a choice. The court of nightmares should. We kept up pretty well with Dawn and Day. Winter…” His voice trailed off. I still remember Kallias’ face as the news broke of the attack on Winter. The thousands of babes dead by Amarantha’s hand. The pure loathing his face held as he looked at Rhys. 

“I can talk to them.” I had always liked Kallias. And from the little bit I’ve heard since our return home, he finally married Viviane after being friends since childhood. Viviane was sweet and her, Mor and I had been known to get ourselves in trouble when together. If she would listen, Winter would come around. 

“Autumn and Spring are lost causes.” Cassian sighed beside me, slumping down in his chair. 

“Tamlin is delusional enough to think it would keep him safe.” And keep Feyre safe. But I didn’t say that outloud. “Beron is…well Beron. Unless we think we can pursue one of the brothers to take him out of the equation, I think it’s better to not plan for them.” 

“Summer?” Rhys asked pointedly ignoring Cas’ words on the other seasonal courts. 

“Tarquin is new and young. He’ll side with the majority. But I think I could talk to him and at least see where his loyalties lie.” I had only talked to the new high lord a few times during our time under the mountain. He seemed nice enough, one of the few people who was even willing to talk to me at all. No fear of the role I had been forced into and hoped he would side with us. Hoped his newness wouldn’t scare him into the easy choice.” 

“I don’t like the idea of having two courts fighting against us.” Azriel finally spoke up. I had almost forgotten he was in the room but his shadow currently sitting at my feet should have been reminder enough. “Hybern has the armies he needs and if he has the cauldron….” 

“So what do you suggest?” My brother asked, head in his hands. 

“We talk to them. Let them know that we won’t win this if we’re not unified. Remind them that we fought a war once to avoid this very thing and some courts were on the wrong side of history then and would be now.” I spoke plainly, it was the only answer. If it had been anyone else the idea would have been shot down. But Rhys just let out a heavy breath and nodded. 

“We’ll wait until we’re sure. Some courts will refuse to believe there will be a war until it’s staring them in the face.” The tone in Rhys’ voice letting us know this meeting was over. We all stayed in the room, the same exhausted look sat on our faces. “Good work.” Rhys said to me as he studied the map again. “You got all of this from books?” I had been too young to remember most of the war, let alone fight in it. But at least someone had thought it smart to recount all of it in very exact detail, I just managed to translate to current day Prythian. Rhys was silently nodding to himself as he really studied the map. The others slowly filter out of the room, leaving Rhys and I alone studying the map. 

“And these?” He pointed to the orange marks I had drawn all over. 

“Trade agreement routes, the thicker the line, the more movement there is through that path. They would be the most vulnerable areas since people know them so well. They’re also normally the quickest way between courts.” I pointed out more of the lines and pins. I had so much marked off, down to what ways the rivers flowed and where their currents changed. Rhys just drank in all the information I threw at him, only nodding along to the explanations. I was about to start on another part of the map before I saw his face freeze. 

Rhys had completely stilled besides me. That all-too-familiar far-away look on his. When I raised my eyebrow at him, “What is it? Is it…” He didn’t wait for me to finish, instead he let me into his mind and I almost flinched at whatever feeling Feyre was sending him. The crushing agony and pure terror. It was a feeling I knew all too well. These weren't the few stray glimpses Feyre had sent him while they were separated. This was the very thing all of us were holding our breath for, hoping it never happened. 

“Rhys we can’t just ignore it this time.” I spoke, already leaving the table. His hand wrapped around my wrist, making me pause. 

“If you storm in there, Tamlin has every right to declare a war.” 

“And we’ll have every right to kill his sorry ass. Something that we could have done decades ago.” I spit back at my brother. 

“Please.” His voice shook with fear. Scared for Feyre and maybe for me. I put my hands up in surrender. I couldn’t argue against the tone in his voice. 

“So how do you want to do this then?” I asked him and we started planning. 

In less than 10 minutes Mor had winnowed right on the border of spring and summer. Rhys had insisted that she come along to help. Her status would help blanket us from any repercussions. Plus her powers would come in handy if any of the guards found us. So her and I snuck into that manor I had sworn I would never see again. Do it for Feyre. Be brave for her. I said to myself as my own terror rose to a fever pitch. 

I could see the darkness already pouring out of the house. My anger quickly turned into fear. What did he do to her? The voice in my head screamed. Rhys had already broken the wards and whatever was locking her inside the house. Mor knocked out the guards before they could spot us. When we finally entered the house my blood ran cold. Sitting in a ball of inky darkness was Feyre. Her screams pierced something deep inside of me. I looked around and locked eyes with Alis. Her eyes wide as she took in my face. 

“He locked her in the house. I tried to…Please just keep her safe.” Was all the older fae had said to me. 

My heart warmed at the concern in her voice. The same concern she had once shown me. I nodded and walked towards Feyre. Whatever darkness she was wielding seemed to only be for her and as I shook her shoulder, gently saying her name they retreated slightly. I looked over to Mor who only gave me a small nod. Taking her cue, I picked up the shaking female and was startled by how light she felt. Mor spoke up from beside me. “Your guards are going to have a hell of a headache when they wake up.” 

Alis nodded in understanding and I added. “Don’t tell him where we took her. Please.” And for a second I felt just as broken as the female in my arms. I knew she would tell him, and would have to tell him but a small part of me wished she wouldn’t. But that was unfair to expect of her. It reminded me too much of the same hope I had when I left. Face sunken in and heart broken as I begged her to not tell Tamlin I was leaving. No one was there to help me and I’ll be damned if Feyre ever felt that pain. I didn’t say another word as Mor winnowed us right in front of the border. It felt like I could finally breathe again as the scent shifted to ripe fruit and salt water that marked us as safe. Marked us in summer. Feyre shifted in my arms and mumbled something softly. 

Mor soothed a hand through her hair. “You’re free.” 

Rhys quickly scoped Feyre from my arms without so much as a word. He looked at Mor and I 

“We did everything by the book.” Rhys nodded before I felt the air whoosh around my ears and I knew we had made it home. Rhys deftly climbed the stairs to take Feyre to her room and I just stood staring at my brother back. I blocked out the memories that began to rise to the surface. The scar on my arm prickled and when my other hand raised to scratch at the angry white lines that trailed down my forearm, Mors hand wrapped against mine. Grounding me in the present. 

“She’s free.” She repeated to me. 

“Thank the mother.” I responded as I started to climb the stairs suddenly bone tired. 

Feyre didn’t emerge from her room that night or the next morning. More than once I found myself standing outside her door, hand held up to knock but some part of my brain told me not to. Rhys hasn't left her side the whole time she was asleep. Whatever magic she had used in the house had exhausted her and I felt my heart pang for her. How alone she must have felt, how scared she must have been to be locked in that house. I remember my simple panic the first time I went to the basement of the townhouse. How it transported me back to under the mountain, I couldn’t imagine how it felt to be locked away again.  

When I finally did see her, she seemed to have gotten a little color back. Enough so that she was able to argue with Rhys again. I didn’t linger this time to hear the fight, letting them duke it out in private. But as Rhys turned the corner, I knew something that happened. Something important. 

”We’re going home.” 

If someone had told me two months ago that Feyre would be standing in the living room of our home in Velaris I would have probably keeled over laughing. But here we were, Feyre’s eyes flickering from spot to spot in the house. I couldn’t get a read on her face but before I could even process that, I heard a pounding on the door. Cassian’s voice filtering through the wood, already complaining. Rhys shot me a look that said deal with them please. He tried to hide it but I could tell he was waiting for Feyre’s reaction to her surroundings. A hint of anything to gauge how she was feeling. He needed her to like this place like he needed to breathe. So I excused myself from the room and slipped out the front door. 

”Are you serious Cas?”

”I want to meet her. She’s right there, my brothers m-” I cut him off, blocking both him and Azriel from trying to peek into the house. They could easily push right past me but stayed a healthy distance. 

”Do not finish that sentence. Do you want all of Velaris to know?” I whispered screamed at him and he rolled his eyes.

”I promise you drama queen, no one’s up this early. I don’t want to be up this early.” 

After a few minutes of us bickering back and forth, Rhys opened the door and said to us, “Are you all just going to stand there?” 

Cassian all but trampled me trying to get in the house. I laughed when I saw his crestfallen face as he noticed Feyre was no longer in the room. “She was here right?” He spoke to the room. 

”Maybe she’s scared of your good looks Cas, can’t have her falling in love with the wrong Illyrian bastard now can we?” I shot Rhys a wink and he growled lightly. 

”She’ll meet you when she’s ready.” Was all he said before he rangled all of us into the dining room. 

Feyre slept for the rest of the morning. She came down the stairs dressed in Night Court clothes and I felt my breath catch in my throat. The way they seemed to compliment her well enough and I had to bite my tongue to prevent me from pointing that out. Rhys met her at the door and shot me a vulgar gesture at my sugary sweet, “Be safe kids.” That I called out from my spot on the couch. I sat on the couch until the sun started to set. I had just got to the good part and debated even going to the dinner at all but I was dying to see how Feyre would handle our crazy family. If she had any chance at surviving here, she needed to like them or they would drive her crazy. Although from Cassian’s earlier words that might be the case either way. So I groaned and pulled myself off the couch, pulling on the first thing that I saw and winnowed with Mor to the front steps of the house. 

Azriel and Cassian were waiting to fly us up. Cassian wrapped his arm around Mor’s waist and Azriel did the same to me. I hardly felt my feet leave the ground before he was already placing me down in front of the door. I had not had the heart to come here since I’ve been home. Too many memories for me to want to come alone and Mor grabbed my hand as she pulled me through the threshold. We had just settled in before I heard the faint trails of Rhys and Feyre voices outside the door. I couldn’t stop the two males from bounding to the door, they flung it open to reveal a very annoyed looking Rhys. I held my breath as she stood in the doorway, eyes searching for something and she landed on me. She squared her shoulders but Cassian was already speaking.

”I promise we won't bite.” 

Last I heard, Cassian, no one has taken you up on that offer.” And I laughed as Feyre’s face blanched. I didn’t miss the way the female's eyes raked over the Illyrians as they stepped into the light. I tried not the bristle as her eyes lingered on Azriel just a fraction longer than I would have liked. Rhys introduced the two and it was Feyres response to one of his questions that made me feel a frision of pride. 

”How the hell did you manage to survive this long without anyone killing you?” She would fit right in and Cassian’s booming laugh told me that very same thing. Armen had appeared almost out of thin air as we all made our way to the table. 

Feyre was slowly filled in about how the three brothers had met. Her eyes flickered to me during the story. 

”Where do you fit into all of this, besides being his sister.” She quickly added. Everyone seemed to be waiting for me to answer. 

”I mean there's not much else to it besides that. He got stuck with them so I did too. I nearly knocked Cassian's teeth in the first time I met him and I’ve been stuck with them ever since.” I stuck my tongue out at Cassian who rolled his eyes. 

”You mean you broke your fist trying to, princess. I had to nurse you back to health and you were helpless but to fall for my charm.” Now it was my turn to roll my eyes and I fought the urge to throw my bread across the table at him. If it wasn't for Feyre I would have. The rest of the stories and tales flowed out and, much to Feyre’s credit, she didn’t falter in the slightest. She interjected at the perfect moments, making jokes that had everyone roaring with laughter. Then the tables were turned onto her and Cassian was asking her about her life. After she had finished she turned to Rhys.

’I accept your offer- to work with you.” And I wanted to scream and cheer. I felt no such joy from Rhys as he started.

”Good because we start tomorrow. Hybern is starting this war and he’s going to bring back Jurian to help him.” I felt a shiver run down my back. Rhys had neglected to tell me that part. In an instant the lighthearted conversation was thrown to the side and Cassian launched into full general mode.

 I tried my best to keep up with this new bit of information, how it would throw a wrench into any attempts of a plan. I missed the conversation that followed, mind already trying to figure out the adjustments I would need to make to the map in my office. Armen managed to snap me out of my thinking. 

”The Bone Carver might indeed be willing to talk to her.” She pointed a finger at Feyre and I went to argue against the ancient female. Rhy had beaten me to it. 

”Your choice, always your choice, Feyre.” and I tried to keep the fear off my face as she answered. 

”How bad could it be.” Cassians’ answer had her face pale as a ghost and it was clear dinner was over at that moment. The others reduced to arguing over the semantics and who would be doing what in preparation for their journey to the prison. My eyes suddenly felt very heavy at the sounds of their voices. Azriel’s gentle hand on my shoulder was the sign that the arguing had stopped at all. I didn’t need to be asked a second time and as he flew me back down to the ground below Velaris, I wondered if all of us would make it through the war a second time.

Taglist: @durgenyx @tothestarsandwhateverend @quinzzelx

#acomaf #acosf #acotar #acotar fanfiction #acowar #azriel acotar #azriel x reader #a court of thorns and roses #azriel x oc #azriel fanfic #azriel shadowsinger #azriel spymaster #inner circle #rhys acotar #rhysand acotar #rhysand #feysand #rhys!sister

[chaoticbardlady99]

Darling, Never Stop Haunting Me- MDNI 18+

Spawn! Astarion x F! Ghost Reader

Chapter 9: Performance Review

Synopsis: You and Astarion read your book and a moment of peace opens up the opportunity for risks. You ask Astarion to give you a lesson early in the morning after Karlach's morning wake up call wakes more than just Astarion's brain up.

CW: Oral (Female Receiving), Oral (Male Receiving), sex, praise kinks, virginity loss, Dom (Astarion)/ Sub (Birdie/You) ish

Disclaimer- put together the picture for the banner, but I do not own any of the pictures. I did take the picture of ‘Birdie’ and Astarion on my PS5

Likes, Comments, and Reblogs are always appreciated! Thank you for all your support and love!

Chapter 8: Chapter 10: AO3

  “He stuck his member into the man’s weeping hole-“

“Astarion,” you laugh, “stop, this is terrible- I don’t think it’s going to matter how many different voices you make or gestures- let alone languages- you read it in.” 

“I disagree, my Love,” he says as if it’s the most natural thing in the world, “I think I have made it far more entertaining this way.” 

“Ah yes because talking about a man’s ’weeping hole’ sounds so much better in a pirate voice or in Orcish.” 

 “Oh? Can you do better?”

 You clear your throat before belting out in a C Minor, “HE STUCK HISSSS MEMBER INTO HIS WEEEEPPINGGG HOLEEEEE!”

  You are both in stitches- this book is truly truly terrible, but it has erased any tension that had been lingering from earlier. 

  It’s probably pretty late now- surely it would be best to start going to sleep. You can’t get yourself to though, you want to spend as many waking minutes as you can with him. 

 You had really thought he was going to spend the night with someone else, but he’s here with you instead. He wanted to be here with you- he was rushing to get back here to be with you.

  Your laughter dies down and you are both left in a comfortable silence. You lean back into Astarion’s chest once again- relishing in the feeling of the contact. 

  Maybe you just… make your move? It could be possible that he has feelings for you, couldn’t it?

  You move slowly so that you straddle his lap and Astarion almost seems to help adjust you faster when he realizes what you are doing. He is looking up at you and your heart skips a beat. 

 Wanting. Need. Love.

 Affections that are relatively foreign to you, but you can identify in his eyes because you feel the same. 

 You cup his face with your hands, your eyes search his face for any sign to stop, but his hands are tight on your hips and his mouth is hovering over yours of his own volition. You timidly close the gap.

  It feels like fireworks, but not in the way one would expect. It feels like giddiness, happiness, whimsical, and excitement. His lips tease at yours and guide you as you learn how to kiss him. 

  It’s absolutely incredible- your hands gently grasp at his curls and he moans against your mouth. Astarion’s hands move to your ass and he maneuvers you so that you are even closer to him now. 

  You don’t know how you end up on your back, your hands pinned next to your head and your legs hooked around his hips, but it all feels positively divine. 

  All you can feel, breath, and acknowledge is him. Astarion is your entire world in this moment and you never want it to stop.

 So of course Gale and Tav are screaming upstairs. 

 Astarion lifts himself from you with a huff of frustration.

 “WHY ARE YOU GUYS SCREAMING!?”

  You feel bad for feeling so annoyed, but Gods dammit- of all the times, now!?

 “Uh hm, we- we,” they shout back, “WE ARE ARGUING ABOUT WHO IS GOING TO BE A BETTER DANCER DURING OUR FIRST DANCE!”

 “TAV,” you yell from inside the room, “GALE HAS TWO LEFT FEET!”

 “I DO NOT HAVE-,” Gale scoffs and throws his hands in the air, “you lot are insufferable!”

  As soon as the shouting stops, you pull Astarion back down on the bed and straddle him- he greedily brings your crotch down to his own. You gasp at the contact.

 More. You need more.

  He seems to have the same idea. 

  You both fumble through taking each other’s clothes off- your shirt getting stuck over your head because you both forgot to unlace the front. Astarion laughs as your shoulders slump and you look at him through the fabric, the neck stuck on your forehead, entirely unamused.

“This is your fault, ya know?”

 “Oh is it?” he says teasingly, “I’m not the one who chose the shirt.” 

“Well I wasn’t the one in charge of taking it-” you are stopped by the gasp that leaves your mouth when his mouth latches onto your exposed breast. 

  Astarion is relentless in his ministrations- he teases at your sensitive nipples. They almost feel sore in the aftermath, but it just makes you want him to continue. He releases your nub with a flick of his tongue before repeating his affections on the other. You fumble with strings on your shirt- finally taking it off- and the sight underneath you causes a wave of warmth to coat your legs.

  Astarion looks up at you with wide pupils and a hungry look in his eyes. He watches your every reaction and you try to hide behind your hair- only to have him quickly pull it away from your face.

 “Oh no, no, no,” he kisses in between your breasts, “don’t become shy on me now.”

  He brings you to a standing position, sinking to his knees as he kisses along your body and down your navel, and his hands gripping your ass. You feel worshiped, adored. 

  His mouth hovers over your already overly stimulated clit. He flicks his tongue across it and you gasp with pleasure.

“Do you want me to continue, lover,” he whispers, placing a kiss on your thigh that makes your body shiver in delight.

“Take me, Astarion,” you could cringe at how needy and cliche you sound, “I’m yours.”

  Astarion smiles widely, “Oh Darling, I am sure the Gods have sent you to ruin me.”

  His mouth is immediately sucking on your sensitive nub. Your hands grip his hair- eliciting a moan that vibrates to your core. You can feel yourself dripping between your thighs as he laps at you and teases you. 

  It all feels so right- his tongue against you, his hands holding you in place. You have certainly imagined moments like this, but nothing will ever compare to this- the real deal.

“Oh fuck- Star-“

  He hums against you before dipping his tongue inside your virgin cunt and you whine with delight at the contact. Your legs begin to shake and a knot of pleasure is forming in your belly. 

  Astarion uses his strength to keep you upright as your legs begin to give and his tongue seems to find the magic spot because you are fighting to not scream in pleasure. This is a private moment and if you can hear them, they can certainly hear you. 

  He removes his tongue from inside of you and you whine in protest- looking down at him with tears pricking your eyes. You need to cum- it’s physically painful how turned on you are right now, in the best way possible, but still.

  You had been so close.

  “I need you to be a good girl, Birdie,” he says, his eyes hooded and his smile mischievous- placing an open mouthed kiss to your clit, “I need you to cum for me and,” he grabs your hand away from your mouth, “I want the entire world to know you are mine. Cover your mouth again and I will stop- I am so much more motivated when you sing for me.” 

  Fuck. 

  You don’t have a moment to respond before he’s diving back in between your thighs, spreading your legs a bit so that his nose begins to tease your clit while his tongue drinks in every last bit of you. 

  You feel the knot uncoil in your stomach and you have to put your hands on Astarion’s shoulders for support. Your legs shake and your knees feel like jelly. You can’t believe you have been missing out on this for 354 years!

  He picks up your blissed out body and places you softly on the bed. Astarion grabs your left leg and begins to kiss up your body, starting at the ankle all the way down to your inner thigh. You feel so wonderful- you don’t ever want this to stop and a part of you is worried it’s a dream. 

  That thought is quickly thrown out the window when one of his fingers enters you and begins to slowly pump in and out. 

  Your back arches and your head goes back- a cry of pleasure leaves your lips. 

“So pretty “ he kisses the inside of your calf, “so good and all mine.” 

 You whine in agreement- your body finally adjusted to one finger so he adds a second. His mouth and other hand begin to knead and play with your breasts. Astarion suckles and nips your sore nipples- he adds a third finger and you immediately see stars. 

“A-astarion fuck…” 

 He removes his fingers from inside you- making eye contact as he cleans them off.  He kisses the rest of the way up your body and his mouth hovers over yours. You feel the head of his cock tease your entrance, it’s already easily dipping in between your folds. 

“Do you still want me to continue?”

 You nod earnestly, but you definitely feel some of the nervousness you had forgotten about begin to build up. Astarion seems to notice this and raises an eyebrow at you.

“You are thinking about something- what is it, Darling?”

 “What… what if I disappoint you?” you whisper, avoiding his eyes. 

  Astarion’s eyes soften significantly more, the flames of lust simmering and you fear you ruined the moment. He tilts your face back up so that you are looking him directly in the eyes.

 “You could never disappoint me,  Birdie,” he leaves a chaste kiss on your lips, “you are perfect in every single way and I truly am having the most wonderful time I have ever had sharing an intimate moment with someone.”

 You sigh in relief- that makes you feel a lot less nervous about the whole ordeal. 

“Let me know if I need to slow down or stop,” he whispers into your ear, “I fear, that if I have my way, you may not be entirely comfortable.”

  Warmth pierces your clit and the ball of nerves feels strained with want. You nod and Astarion kisses you again at the same time he slowly begins to push inside of you. You gasp- the uncomfortable pinching feeling making the corners of your eyes prick with tears. 

  You feel so full and his shaky breaths against your lips, the stiffness of his lower half as he tries to be gentle. One of your hands reaches between you so that you can rub your clit. 

  You can feel the static energy waiting to be released within him- he has wanted this for a lot longer than you thought. A part of you was worried he had just begun to feel this way and you were moving it along too fast. 

“You feel so good,” he kisses along your cheek, a moan leaving his beautiful lips as he moves in and out slowly, “it feels like you were made for me- made to take me.” 

  His words are genuine- you can hear it in his tone and the way he peers into your eyes now. 

 No performing, just Astarion.

 “I feel like I was made for you too,” you whisper before kissing him again, he groans against your mouth.

 Astarion rocks his hips, taking his time to stretch you around his cock. The pinching feeling is beginning to go away and unleash sensations of pleasure that you never thought you would get to experience in any lifetime. 

  He whimpers into your neck, his hips stuttering as he tries to hold back, but now that you feel good you need more.

“M-more- please.” 

  Astarion chuckles while releasing a sigh of relief, “well, since you asked so nicely, my love.”

  His hips snap, all the power he holds back being put into several deep thrusts that leave your toes tingling and reduces you to nothing but a puddle of whimpering gasps and moans. Your arms are loose around his neck and he kisses you along your chin, leaving love bites as he makes his way to your collarbones.

 The sound of your skin slapping together as he hits that perfect spot every single time is damning- his mouth is covering yours for the sake of some privacy (he doesn’t want you to feel embarrassed) but occasionally frees you so that he can hear you cry out as he thrusts back into you. 

  He adjusts so that one of your legs is up, ankle on his shoulder, and the other leg around his hip. You feel yourself blush as he makes eye contact with you through every movement of his hips, biting his lip and panting- his hair a wild mess for the first time ever.

 “You are far too good for me,” you whine, “Gods, you are perfect.”

  His pace falters- his body losing it’s rhythm for a moment and his head drops into the crook of your neck.

“You are amazing,” you say through gasps, “fuck-“

Astarion moves himself slowly within you and reaches down to play with your clit- pushing your hand away. Your back arches towards him- your body pleading for more as his pace picks up and his fingers continue to pay attention to your overstimulated clit. You are panting with want and he puts you on your knees. 

  The new angle and position as well as Astarion playing with your clit brings you closer to your orgasm than you had wanted to. You want to keep going- he feels so fucking incredible.

 His. His. His. I am his and he is mine.

  A blindingly wonderful sensation courses through your body as the knot unravels in your stomach again and your orgasm ripples through your body. You cry out his name, begging him to keep going. 

“Good… girl,” he kisses your calf, his hips erratic now as he chases his own high.

  The overstimulation and the general euphoria of being with him in this way makes your head spin in circles with happiness. Your lips are slightly parted and he coaxes pathetic whimpers from you. 

“A-as-Astarion,” you say through a shaky breath, “I need you to cum inside me pl- EASE! FUCK! 

 That seemed to have unleashed something within him because he is quickly pistoning in and out of you- your moans turning into borderline screams of pleasure, taking a guttural pitch. You can feel the thick ropes of his being coat your walls, leaving a mess in it’s wake. Astarion collapses on top of you and he softens inside you. He nuzzles his face into your neck and hums with pleasure.

  You breathe heavily as you try to regain your bearings. That was like nothing you have ever experienced before. He pulls you into him- his hands tracing shapes on your hips.

 “That, my Sweet,,” he says between kisses on your shoulder, “was incredible.” 

 “Extremely,” you let out a breathy laugh of relief, “that stupid book doesn’t do the act nearly enough justice.” 

 “Maybe we should continue reading,” he whispers into your ear, “compare notes?” 

  You laugh and kiss the top of his head.

“I think we may just have to.” 

****************************************************************

 The morning sun and the sound of ruckus downstairs stirs you from your sleep- Astarion is still passed out with his face buried in your hair and his breath fanning your skin. He obviously hasn’t heard of his other companions' arrival. 

  Memories of last night come flooding back to you and you smile like an idiot- enjoying every second of your memories of the events. 

  It had been a beautiful dance- after so long of just wanting him and somehow, he wants you too.

 “KNOCK KNOCK FANGS, TUNES! GET YOUR ASSES OUT HERE! IF I’M NOT GETTING EARLY MORNING SEX YET, THEN NO ONE IS!!”

“IF ONLY THEY WOULD HAVE NORMAL SEX TO BEGIN WITH!” Tav yells after her.

 So everyone began drinking pretty early then and no one heard a thing. Awesome!

  Astarion, obviously awake now, groans in irritation and presses his face into your shoulder. 

“If we ignore her… she’ll go away.”

 “I hope so,” you return with an equally sleepy voice, “I have no intentions of leaving this bed if I don’t have to.”

  He chuckles and Astarion absentmindedly places a kiss on your shoulder. A  needy, horribly wanting sigh escapes your lips. You would feel embarrassed, but it seems that he very much enjoyed the sound because you can feel his hard cock against your ass.

“SHIT!” 

  Astarion pulls away and looks absolutely panicked- pulling a pillow over his crotch area. 

  “Fuck- Gods- I am so sorry,” he is practically hysterical, “I-“

  Your body moves for you and you press your lips against his- it’s a brief peck and he is absolutely bewildered by your actions. You feel the tears of rejection coming on the longer he doesn’t do or say anything and you hold them back like your life depends on it.

  At least it you were given the opportunity to experience your dreams once, right?

 “I- sorry- I thought after last night,” you chuckle awkwardly, tears falling from your eyes in spite of your willing to make them stop, “I will, um, give you some privacy.” 

  You don’t even have a moment to move before his lips are following yours and his thumbs are wiping away your tears- using his body to pin you to the mattress, flinging the pillow aside, and he grinds against your clit. 

 Gods, this is divine. 

“That wasn’t just a dream?” He whispers against your lips.

“No,” you whisper back, “do you regret it?”

“Not at all,” he says promptly, “do you?”

“Not at all,” you smile back- his own smile becoming even more blinding. 

 His lips refuse to leave yours for even a second after that. He is soft with his touch, but desperate and needy all at the same time. It’s not difficult for you to keep pace with him- your body seems to be programmed to his within seconds. Only one time and you are entirely his. You are ruined for everyone else- you just know it. 

 However, you want to make him feel good and just focus on him this morning. You have heard him using the bathroom once or twice to… fulfill his needs, but you never could have dreamed he would be imagining you.

  “Wait,” you put your hand between your lips and feel him frown, “I want to pleasure you.” 

 “Is that so?” He whispers, he looks surprised if you are being completely honest.

“Teach me how to take care of you,” you cup his face with your hands, leaving a chaste kiss, “show me.” 

   Astarion pushes himself off of you, pulling you upright along with him- he looks at you with curiosity.

“Are you sure, my Love?” He says wearily, “I don’t want you to feel like you have to.”

“I don’t,” you insist, “but if you don’t want me t-“

“That- my Dear- is far from the issue,” he steps forward, leaning forward to whisper in your ear, “get on your knees.” 

  You do as you are told, a jolt of arousal going straight to your core, and you hook your hands into the seam of his underwear, pulling them down and his cock springs free. All of this, just for you, because of you. 

  His tip is already weeping with precum and he looks embarrassed. Why? You think he looks beautiful this way. He always looks beautiful.

 “You’re beautiful, Star,” you kiss along his navel, “I am so excited to finally know what you taste like.”

  His eyes alight again at the praise and the implied desire in your words. 

 “Cheeky pup.”

 Astarion wraps his hand around his cock and you look up at him with anticipation- he puts the tip to your lips and salty precum begins to dribble down your chin. You lap it up needily and that seems to push the embarrassment away. With hands tangled into your hair, he opens your mouth so you can take him. 

  Take him you do- his head hitting the back of your throat, you gag at the sudden presence, slightly embarrassed. Astarion chuckles.

“Nothing to be embarrassed about, Love,” he says darkly, “you are already being so good for me.” 

  You didn’t think you would have a praise kink, but you suppose it makes sense with the nature of your vocation anyhow. You live for praise and compliments so it makes sense. 

  Your mouth follows his hand as he strokes himself, his other hand gripping your hair, and keeping eye contact with you as he slowly fucks into your mouth. You are surprised by how much you are enjoying this, but it’s only because he obviously is.

  Astarion is a moaning mess above you and around you, sweat starting to dampen his neck, and his hand guiding you to go faster. You apply pressure with your tongue and drag it along the sensitive skin- he shudders with pleasure.

“D-do that again and I… I want you to touch yourself.” 

 The last part comes out as a whisper and again, you are surprised to see him nervous and embarrassed about the things he is saying. It’s like you are both blushing virgins.

  You happily comply, circling your tongue around his head and applying pressure on his slit. Astarion’s hand tightens in your hair as he begs you to keep doing that. You play and tease your own clit- humming with pleasure around his length. You can feel yourself blushing more and more as he praises you and guides you through touching yourself- eventually having you finger yourself at a painstakingly slow pace. 

“Do- don’t change your pace until- fuck- until I tell you to.”

  You hum and nod your head in understanding- bobbing him in your mouth. Astarion thrusts and hits the back of your throat- you gag a bit, but readjust much quicker this time. 

  Thank the Gods you have read so much pornography it could make an entire brothel blush. Being a 354 year old virgin really left a lot of free time and Donella had a very trashy library that was never redone.

  The early morning sun is illuminating the entire room- his eyes are bright and practically sparkling, his pupils blown wide with lust, and you can see the little bit of blood coming from his bottom lip. He must have bit it- the crimson liquid mixing with the thin sheen of sweat that covers his face. 

 Your ministrations coax praise from him and even the occasional begging when you stop moving to tease him. This is far too fun, for once, you are the one in control. 

  “Fuck- I’m,” he is cut off by his own moan, his seed spilling into your mouth and down the back of your throat. You can’t help the smile that graces your lips as he watches you swallow with wide, affectionate eyes. 

  You release him with a pop, swallow, and stand up- throwing your arms around his neck.

“How did I do?”

  Astarion throws his head back in laughter and you furrow your brows- leering at him.

“What!?”

 “That was the single best oral sex I have ever received and you are asking for a performance review?” he scoffs playfully, pressing a kiss to your forehead, “you were perfect, as you are in all things.” 

  You beam- deciding to ignore his teasing. 

“Would you like to join me in the bath?” He asks, “I doubt our companions are going to leave us alone for much longer if we don’t make an appearance.”

 Instead of answering, you take his hand and drag him to the bathroom.

**********************************************************************

Author note: Likes, Comments, and Reblogs are always appreciated! Please let me know if you would like to be on the tag list! I am using the Ghostwalk campaign for NPCs, locations, etc. It is a 3e Campaign and doesn’t mirror 5e Ghosts. I have tweaked some of the ghost powers and such for the sake of the story, but if you would like more information on Ghostwalk and the City of Manifest, there is a PDF online that is free to download :)

Tag List: @n3rdybirdee @fandomarchiveilyd @dajeong @hotmesshobbit @godoffuckedupcats @bitchstarion @hereliesblackdragon @pebble-bb @preciouslittlebhaalbae @lavvyan @beepersteeper @misscrissfemmefatale

#baldurs gate 3 #astarion #astarion x reader #baldurs gate astarion #astarion x tav #bg3 spoilers #bg3 #astarion x you #astarion romance #karlach #astarion baldurs gate #astarion ancunin #astarion smut #astarion x f! reader #astarion x female tav #astarion fanfiction #spawn astarion #baulders gate 3 #baldurs gate #astarion x female reader #astarion x f!tav #astarion x f!reader

[wc-confessions]

Yo. This is going to be a long rant since I am currently reading Tallstar’s revenge. I really hate Sandgorse. And I kind of hate Palebird, but mostly Sandgorse. (Cw; Abuse) I put the warning since Sandgorse is clearly abusive, though people tend to overlook that. So I’ll be explaining a little bit about what he’s done to Tallpaw. When it comes to the abuse toms in the series, people tend to often ignore or just downright deny that. (Ex: Crookedstar ironically enough and I’m not talking about on Rainflower’s end. Goosefeather, Tigerclaw (To be clear from Mapleshade and Pinestar. Pinestar is neglectful while Mapleshade groomed him). So I will argue with you if you disagree that “Sandgorse isn’t abusive"; he is. He’s a god-awful father. If CPS was a thing in this universe, I’d call them on him. 

Early on in reading Tallstars Revenge I liked Sandgorse for his passion for digging and because he seemed like a super caring father at first. But as the story progressed, he just started pissing me off. I hate how he cares more for damn tunnels than he does for Tallpaw’s own well-being and what he wants. I hate how he tried to force Tallpaw to do something he didn’t want and then cold-shouldered him for rightfully being terrified. As I got to chapter 14, it’s clear he’s just plain emotionally abusive, and overall, he's an emotionally absent father from Tallpaw. He doesn’t care about Tallpaw’s feelings and often dismisses how visibly uncomfortable he was. 

He insulted his son and brushed off his concerns when the tunnels flooded. I liked him and genuinely thought he was interesting since nobody ever elaborated on why he was "bad,” but Jesus. Nobody ever said he was outright abusive. Like Tallpaw himself says, “But what I want didn’t seem important.” That is how terrible Sandgorse is. That is how his Abuse affects tallpaw. All throughout chapter 13 of the SE, he constantly thought about becoming a tunnel just to please Sandgorse. It’s so fucking obvious that Sandgorse is a shitty and abusive parent. But then again, abuse in the Warriors universe is often overlooked because of how poorly written and portrayed it is and because, in general, not many readers are educated on the different types of abuse and factors involved. That or either they just deny it even exists. I feel so bad for Tallpaw. Even after how Sandgorse treated him, he still loved his father enough to run away from home just to avenge him. Sandgorse is such an ass. And he should’ve even been grateful at all that he had a tallpaw considering his other kit finchkit died. And I love Sparrow (so far, let’s hope he’s still an angel). I love how he pushed Tallpaw to care about what he wanted instead of trying to make Sandgorse happy. I love that he encouraged Tallpaw to follow his own path instead of letting him think that his feelings and what he wanted didn’t matter.

 Ew and the dirty looks Sandgorse kept giving Tallpaw Chapter 14; Page 250; (digital copy)

“Tallpaw snapped his head up and tried to catch Sandgorse’s eye. Before he pushed his way through the heather, his father shot him a look that stabbed Tallpaw’s heart.”

Someone, please help this poor child. Even Dawnstripe (who is his mentor if you haven’t read the SE’s or haven't read Tallstar's yet) could see how shitty he treated Tallpaw.

“Dawnstripe brushed softly against Tallpaw. “Why don’t you run to the first marker?” she suggested. “It might wake you up a bit.” Tallpaw heard sympathy in her mew. She saw how Sandgorse looked at me.”

“Why can’t I have normal kin who care about my training and who are proud of me?”

The fact that he feels so unloved by his parents is genuinely tragic to me. He’s one of the cats in the series that deserves better than anyone. Along with Bumble,Turtle Tail, etc. There’s probably some others, but I have bad memory, so I can’t list them all. This poor cat is continually plagued with grief and feelings of failure, feeling like everything is his fault. It was heartbreaking to see that he thought Palebird would hate him because he felt it was his fault her friend Brackenwing died. Even Sandgorse believed that he’d killed Brackenwing. Though Palebird imo is just as shit about believing it too, I won’t just shit on him for that.

And Sandgorse is such an ass for shit-talking his own son to Sparrow: “A flood scared one of the apprentices, so yeah, it’s all his fault that we can’t tunnel, and I hate him.” And then, in the next chapter, he just dies. And Tallpaw risked his life to save his abuser.  I cannot stress enough how much he deserves better than what he got. He risked his life; he was fully ready to throw away everything just to save his father. He didn’t care how badly he’d treated him; he still loved him. And Hareflight pisses me off. He saw how Shrewpaw kept bullying and picking on Tallpaw and didn’t do anything to stop him, but as soon as Tallpaw beat Shrew's ass, he wanted to act like Tallpaw was in the wrong. In fact, I wouldn't even call it bullying at that point because it's gone so much farther than that. 

.

#text #confession #warrior cats #feligis69 #sandgorse #tallstar

[tategaminu]

SOOO the title for 05X6 dropped and I'm going feral

Be prepared to hear my long ass theory about this episode and why it will be the rayllum fully gets back together episode (I'm annoying)

Of course we already know season 6 will mirror S3 or at least that's what it looks like. "Moonless Night" is episode 5‚ the same one when Callum and Rayla first got together‚ just as 4 had the title of the place they reach. (The Midnight Desert‚ The Starcrapper)

I have to add‚ just as season 3 had Nyx‚ there's this sky girl called Astrid who may act as the Nyx parallel‚ who knows.

I don't use Discord but my info provider (hello there) told me Devon said episode five would be emotionally heavy and a favourite. A person said ep2 of season 5 were their favourite because the cute rayllum moments and Devon said "until 5 of 6" 🧐

Aparently, it was confirmed by writers this episode would DESTROY people KILL EVEN, well maybe not that but you get me. We know how emotional these two blorbos are for each other right? and we for them. In Discord, a person said ep2 of season 5 were their favourite because the cute rayllum moments and Devon said "until 5 of 6" 🧐

Now let's go to the juicy part. The title. This title is absolutely loaded. like wth. We all know whose favourite girl is related to the moon right? of course we are worried. But I think she's gonna be ok, in the end at least, let me explain.

Of course I'm asuming this scene from the teaser may be from episode 5. We see Callum falling in a moonless night but I'm guessing the title isn't that literal. I think Callum is falling emotionally and literally just as he has before for Rayla. He fell in love with her‚ he fell off a cliff for her and then fell emotionally when she left. The sky he is in is dark‚ no moon‚ representing his own mental state without Rayla. Rayla left him at night just as Callum is falling in the night (omg)

Callum had a moonless night every day for two years because his guiding moon wasn't in his life. I think they may talk about it or it will affect Callum in this episode some way.

Note that the teaser opens with this scene, next we have Aaravos saying "we are all of us, stardust, held together by love for an instant"

(wow subtle foreshadowing you guys)

and the teaser ends with Callum losing his love wings. The wings he got for her. Basically opening with a rayllum scene and closing with a "rayllum" scene ya know

In Chasing Shadows Rayla specifically mentions the stars in his eyes‚ when he does the big speech:

Now‚ what do I think will happen?

EP3: They visit the Silvergroove? just like in ep 3x3. Maybe visit Ethari? "heeey your husband is alive ok bye". My own guess is that they will get the boat from the leaked scene there since there are moon animals in that thing and reach the frozen ship with that.

Ep4: they reach destination and meet the sky elves, Astrid included, with no hiccups. ba dum tss

Ep5: Basically 05x3 but different and sexier

Whatever Callum is about to do I highly doubt Rayla will agree with it because you know how they are (me getting hurt is ok but not you). He convinces her like he did in TTM‚

But this time Rayla is the one to say it

I think that even if Callum promises he will be ok‚ he will have a "I want you to know" moment again and that may lead to talking about her leaving. This may derive into a kinda argument. Callum and Rayla can't continue their talk because they get interrumped (once again) but the memories of a broken heart and feelings affects him badly. He's just emotionally distraught and loses his love wings because whatever. I doubt Rayla isn't seeing any of this, you know how she is. She didn't spend 7 hours watching him sleep to actually not watch this like c'mon

This time Rayla may be the one saving Callum from falling (literally and metaphorically). Now yeah Rayla can't fly but maybeeee

A: she calls out for his name, "waking" him up

B: she just jumps (im going for this one) like Callum did for her. She jumps, not knowing if it's going to work, wakes him up after catching him‚ Callum is able to get his wings back and fly them both into safety, Callum gets his love wings again for her but this time she's being the savior (in the most part). Maybe even completing whatever mission they ask as well. TOGETHER.

After this we may get a Rayla is a hero speech or this time Callum is a hero speech, I don't know‚ I think it would be more fitting if it's from Callum and the hero Callum speech is from Rayla to her parents. Whateve, they finally have their three sesaon dragged conversation and they both kiss like in S3 but maybe reversed this time (Rayla kissing first and apologizing and Callum kissing her next) and they fully come back together :'). I dont think we will get an I love you until ep 9 but we won't really need it here right? we already know!

The episode ends with them kissing under the moon. Moonless Night ending with with a moon night (metaforically and literally)

Now‚ this is just my own guess and it sounds very very self-indulgent (heh) but a girl can dream

#i may be wrong but my heart is in the right place and thats what matters #listen im still fangirling #THE TITLE JOAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGH #now even if they get back together here i dont think this will the fully “i forgive her” i think that will be in ep 9 with the love confess #after something bad happens ya knowpossesion #listen im not a meta blog sorry if this doesnt make sense but im going rabid and needed to do this #rayllum #tdp #the dragon prince #tdp theory #tdpredictions #rayla #callum #tdp s6 spoilers #tdp s6

[mysecretlittlelibrary]

What To Get A 19 Year Old Boy For His Birthday...

Pairing: Platonic! Peter Parker & Reader; Reader x Bucky (but that's not really plot relevant)

Word Count: 2.4k

Warnings: none as usual, you yell at Strange lol

Genre: super fluff

Summary: You happen to be the only person who still remembers Peter Parker exists and you are not about to hang him out to dry. So what happens when you take Peter in and basically become his guardian? Well- nothing is simple where super-teens are involved, but you and Peter can certainly handle whatever comes your way. Right?

***

You from to yourself, feeling like you're forgetting something even though you're just watching TV with Bucky. There's nothing to forget that you can-

"Oh shit-" You gasp sitting up suddenly. Bucky grabs the remote and turns the volume down.

"What?" He frowns shifting to look at you.

"I just realized Peter's birthday's next week and I haven't even thought of what to get him or what to do or-"

"Take a breath y/n. You still have a week." Bucky reminds you with a hand on your shoulder.

"What do I get a nineteen year old boy for his birthday?" You turn to him.

"Why are you asking me?" He blinks.

"You're a guy!"

"I'm a hundred and seven?! I haven't been nineteen in like eighty years, do you really think I would have any idea what a modern teen would want? I can guarantee my interests at nineteen were far different." He scoffs.

"Well what did you want at nineteen?" You ask.

"To avoid another world war?" He shrugs and your mouth drops open.

"I can't fucking stand you." You laugh shoving him lightly.

"Oh come on, how could I resist?!"

"You're so irritating! Be serious." You say fighting giggles.

"Alright, alright, what's the kid interested in?"

"I dunno, comic books, video games, nerdy stuff?" You shrug.

"I've never seen him play video games before." Bucky frowns.

"He plays them on his computer."

"He doesn't have a gaming system of some sort?"

"No?"

"Do you own one?"

"No."

"So get him one of those and a couple of games." Bucky shrugs.

"That's a great idea! And you said you wouldn't know what to get him." You smile.

"I'm sure you could've figured that out."

"You'll come shopping with me won't you? I have no idea what games to get for him honestly."

"How about you take care of the system and I'll worry about the games. Split the cost of this birthday thing."

"What do you mean you're going to worry about the games?" You frown.

"Just trust me. How much is the system anyway?"

"Probably three, maybe four hundred dollars. Depends."

"Sheesh. That's- pricier than I expected honestly." He hums.

"Yeah they can get pretty up there." You shrug.

"Alright then if you buy the system I'll take the kid out and get him an equivalent in games."

"You really wanna spend $600 on his birthday?" You blink.

"I mean he's lost his entire family and he never goes anywhere or talks of friends, we're probably the only people he's going to get gifts from. We can take some of the money from the Stark account." Bucky says. When Tony died there were a couple of accounts set up in your name to take over Avengers related expenses. One to be used for the team's avenging related tasks and one to help the team with personal affects- mostly Thor since he'll likely never have a job here but he's not here that much these days anyway.

"I don't want to get into the habit of using that money, in case of an emergency." You say.

"Baby, you're a witch and I'm a super soldier I can't imagine there will be many emergencies where that money is our only solution. Stark died and we ended up with enough money to change our tax bracket. Six hundred dollars would hardly make a dent and if ever we're in a situation where we do have to use that money for an emergency and we find ourselves $600 short I'm sure neither of us will look back and say 'if only we hadn't given that kid we're responsible for a great birthday gift he loved'." Bucky says.

"Very well, we'll use the Stark account and do it big for him." You say.

"There- now you can stop panicking about his birthday." Bucky pulls you back into his side and turns the volume back up on the TV. You don't point out to Bucky how it seems he's bonded with Peter a bit. At least to some degree since he's suddenly advocating for a big birthday gift for him. You know he'll deny it if you bring it up so you simply smile to yourself at the thought and settle back into his chest. You'll head to the store tomorrow to pick up a console and some birthday supplies.

*~*~*

"Bucky can you grab the candles from the bedroom please baby? They should be in the bag on my desk." You shout while carefully removing the plastic covering from Peter's birthday cake.

"On it!" Bucky calls back from the living room. Moments later, he hands you the opened candles.

"Thank you for opening them." You kiss his cheek and carefully stick the 1 and 9 on the cake without disturbing the Happy Birthday Peter written in blue frosting.

"How long do you think it'll take him to come back?" Bucky asks.

"I only asked him to get some salt, he should be opening the door any minute now." You shrug. "Do you think he suspects anything?"

"Nah, I'll bet when you didn't wish him happy birthday this morning or make anything special for breakfast that he assumed we didn't know or weren't going to make a big deal about it."

"Oh- I hope he's not moping through the streets thinking we forgot." You frown.

"I mean I don't-" Bucky stops suddenly. "He's coming down the hall, light the candles." He tells you. You grab the lighter and quickly light the candles, lifting the cake just as the handle turns.

"Hey. Got the salt you asked for-"

"Happy Birthday Peter!!" You shout when he enters the kitchen.

"Happy birthday kid." Bucky nods.

"You remembered my birthday?"

"Of course I did sweetie! Make a wish." You walk the cake over to him and hold it out for him to blow out the candles. He looks between you and Bucky a couple of times before closing his eyes and blowing out the candles quickly.

"Yay!" You say setting the cake on the counter.

"Thanks guys- I- I kinda thought you'd miss it."

"Nonsense! How could I? Oh and before I forget, your gift." You float the prettily wrapped box from behind the island, into the Peter's hands.

"What is it?"

"You know the point of wrapping a gift is for you to unwrap it in order to find out what's in it." Bucky tells him.

"I know- but I thought maybe you'd tell me anyway." Peter shrugs.

"No way! That ruins the surprise! Open it." You clap excitedly.

"Alright alright." Peter says. He quickly tears off the wrapping paper and his mouth drops open when he fully reveals the box. "You got me an Xbox?" His voice is full of disbelief but you can't say for sure if that's good or not.

"Do you like it?" You ask.

"A-are you kidding?! This is like the best gift I've ever gotten!" Peter says throwing his arms around you. You hug him back relieved that the gift was a success.

"I'm glad! Bucky and I had no idea what to get you." You chuckle.

"You did great." He says.

"This is only the first half of the gift technically. A console needs games, so I'm taking you out to buy some." Bucky adds.

"No way- you don't have to this is already plenty I-I mean these things aren't cheap I don't wanna take advantage of-"

"It's not a question kid, we're going. After lunch." Bucky cuts him off.

"Really? Today?" Peter blinks at him.

"You wanna be able to set that thing up or not?"

"We'll go after lunch." Peter nods. "Are you coming with us y/n?"

"I can't hon I've got some errands to run." You say.

"I hoped we'd all be together for my birthday."

"Don't worry, we'll all be back for dinner together."

"Oh, okay, that's fine then."

He's probably nervous about spending extended time alone with Bucky but you think it'll be good for them to find common ground that's not contingent on you. Obviously, they're capable of coordinating if your anniversary is any indicator. You want to give them the chance to build on that.

In the meanwhile, you have something of equal importance to take care of. You push open the heavy doors to Stephen Strange's lair. He doesn't call it that, and he rather hates it when you do, but that's basically what it is.

"Strange!" You shout.

"Y/n! Hello, to what do I owe this visit?" He asks floating down to meet you. You walk up to him and smack your palm against his forehead. "I guess this isn't a friendly visit then." He hisses rubbing his forehead.

"Not quite." You roll your eyes. A quick succession of hand gestures completes the spell that unlocks Stephen's memories of Peter. He takes a sharp breath as his memories return.

"You know- there are less painful ways do that spell." He says after a moment.

"There are also more painful ways to do that spell be glad I just tapped your forehead." You say.

"Tapped is a bit of an understatement, don't you think?"

"I wanted to beat your ass. Count your blessings I didn't come in here and do that."

"I assume this is about Peter, then?" Stephen sighs.

"Help me with the math here, a 17-year-old comes to you and says 'I want to alter reality' and you don't consider- not doing that?"

"Well hang on I definitely warned him it was a bad idea but he was insistent that it was ruining his life."

"Dude he was 17. A 17 year old will think the world is ending because his best friend moves away before senior year of high school. Granted he's dealt with some pretty intense adult troubles but he's still just a kid and you're like pushing 50 he isn't the responsible party in that situation." You say.

"Watch it, pushing 50 is an exaggeration." Stephen points.

"Not. The point. You altered the very fabric of time and space not once, but twice at the behest of a child."

"It wouldn't have been twice if he hadn't totally screwed up the first one."

"You're the sorcerer not him. It was your spell. Your responsibility." You say.

"Hey he kept adding caveats in the middle of my casting and magic is tricky enough as is without that."

"I know how tricky magic is, which is why I wouldn't have an untrained teenager be part of casting a spell of that magnitude in the first place! It was a bad decision on your part and in the end you got to walk away as if it never even happened. And that might be even more egregious, you completely abandoned the kid after all that chaos."

"Well not completely, I knew the probability of you being unaffected by the spell and thus stepping in was almost 100%."

"Almost 100 isn't 100 and that's still abandoning. The moment you decided to do that spell for him you took on a responsibility." You say.

"So what was I supposed to do? Simply take him in?" He scoffs.

"Well when you take away his entire support system with a spell that is the least you can do Strange."

"He knew the consequences, and it all worked out fine. He's got you now." He shrugs.

"I wonder if you just don't hear yourself speak or if you truly struggle with emotional intelligence so severely." You take a moment to really look at him as if the answer will come to you if you stare at him for long enough. "Whatever, I didn't come here just to yell at you."

"Really? I couldn't have guessed that."

"Today is Peter's birthday. I came to fix your memories so you could send him a birthday card." You say.

"Why would I do that?" He frowns.

"Because your botched spell resulted in the death of his only remaining living relative? We're all he's got."

"Hey I fixed that situation to the best of my ability."

"And it didn't bring his aunt back. It also cost him every relationship he's ever developed. Send him a damn card. Today." You spin around and walk back towards the door. "Be glad I won't drop him on your doorstep. He doesn't deserve that punishment." You scoff, waving the doors open and heading back towards your own apartment to get started on dinner. 

"So how did game shopping go?" You ask Bucky and Peter once you're all sat eating dinner.

"Oh we got way more than I would've expected. Mr. Bucky was overly generous I just hope it's clear how greatful I am."

"You've thanked me at least 10 times in the last hour. You've been more than clear kid. It's your birthday so you can stop now."

"I'm glad you had a nice time." You chuckle.

"What did you get up to while we were out baby?" Bucky asks.

"Just some errands nothing interesting." You shrug.

"Nothing interesting?" He raises an eyebrow.

"A little of this a little of that. My to-do list never ends really. Some shopping, I hit the bank, made some visits. You know how it goes."

"I dunno about you but that sounds rather suspicious to me Peter." Bucky turns to him.

"Definitely." Peter nods.

"I clearly made a mistake letting you two spend the afternoon together." You roll your eyes grabbing yours and Peter's now empty plates.

"We will discover your secrets y/n." Bucky warns.

"Good luck with that." You chuckle kissing Bucky's temple before walking the dishes over to the sink.

"Oh no you don't, you cooked, I'll do the dishes." Bucky wraps his hands around your waist and moves you from in front of the sink.

"Fine fine, Petey you want help setting up your Xbox then?" You ask.

"Sure! Is it okay to set it up in my room?"

"Of course it is. It's your thing. Plus if you end up playing all day long I don't want you taking over my living room." You tap his shoulder.

"Cool." He chuckles.

It doesn't take you long to set up the system in his room, it's just a matter of plugging in it and then the rest is for him to do on his own, make an account and such. You're just about to leave his room when a small portal appears in front of him.

"Peter. Happy birthday." Strange says reaching through with a card. You hold back a smile as Peter takes the card with obvious shock on his face.

"T-thanks Mr. Strange." Peter says. Stephen nods and closes the portal without another word.

"I didn't think he remembered me." Peter blinks at you.

"The world works in mysterious was huh." You ruffle Peter's hair. "I'll leave you to get used to your new toy." You add before exiting his room and joining Buckyin the living room.

"Okay, so where did you go today? Really?"

"Honestly I had to go yell at Strange for some magic related things." You say.

"What did he do?"

"It's complicated. Let's just say it'll be a while before I leave our timeline in his hands if ever again." You muse.

"Ah is that why you didn't bring it up at dinner? So the kid doesn't ask about Strange?"

"Yeah basically." You shrug. You're sure Bucky means in terms of Peter not knowing that you're an Avenger or whatever but seeing as you can't explain the real reason you didn't want to talk about it at dinner you see no reason to correct him at the moment. Eventually you'll give him all the details, but today has been good for all of you, you'd like to end on a high.

***

Tagged Users: @mrsbuckybarnes1917 @buchi91

#marvel #marvel fanfiction #Spiderman #Peter Parker #peter parker fanfiction #spiderman fanfiction #Peter Parker & platonic reader #found family fanfiction #bucky barnes x reader

[queendomkey]

Down Bad is... perhaps my favorite song on TTPD. The sparkling synths, the cosmic metaphor, the phrase "Down bad, crying at the gym, " which, me too. The implied rhyme in the bridge where she cuts off, "how dare you say that it's— (over)" Everything is so good. I've previously said that a lot of songs on TTPD are capsules of time, and Down Bad is no exception. This pocket of time is one after leaving a whirlwind romance, grieving a love that the speaker knows was fake in the first place, and yet still hurts.

Let's dive into it, shall we?

Down Bad explores the idea of a love bombing ( as defined by Oxford, "the action or practice of lavishing someone with attention or affection, especially in order to influence or manipulate them." ) through the lens of an alien abduction. Again, we see an extended metaphor to explore a core idea, a common theme on TTPD. A very key feature of love bombing is that it is most effective on those already longing for company. By the letter of the song, we don't know if the Speaker was experiencing that level of loneliness, but it certainly feels implied by her want for something so short.

The song is quite different in tone from the previous track: it lacks the denial that Favorite Toys does, lacks this feeling that the Speaker is ignoring something. She admits, frankly, that the love she perceives only wanted her "to do experiments on, show [her] the world is bigger than [them], then put [her] back where [she] came from."

( I think one could tie that lyric into Illicit Affair's "You showed me colors you know I can't see with anyone else." )

The Speaker in Down Bad is in mourning - quite fitting, for such a fatalistic album. She describes being left by her alien lover as "like [she] lost [her] twin." Twins have a very mythic quality in fiction, telepathic connections and mystical connotations. In the real world, there are plenty of anecdotal stories of identical twins having a connection unlike a simple sibling pair, including my favorite anecdote: A pair of twins who were separated at birth and yet ended up living lives that so closely mirrored the other's, it felt planned.

The speaker feels her loss is of that magnitude. That she has lost someone who knew everything she felt, who had that mystical remedy for her. Much like Fortnight, Down Bad's speaker is stuck. Not stuck in her suburbia, but stuck in her hometown, looking up at the sky, waiting to be picked up again, and writhing in it, silently. "They'll say I'm nuts if I talk about the existence of you."

It's no secret that those who claim alien abduction or to have seen UFOs ( now called UAPs by the American Military, for Unidentified Aerial Phenonemon, allowing the phrase to encompass more broadly things like auroras and odd clouds, ) are condemned by their peers. Down Bad's speaker fears this same condemnation, for feeling so strongly about what is, by implication, a flash in the pan romance.

Most alien abductees, for instance, only claim to have been taken for a night, or a week at most. The romance was short lived, but now she's "waking up in blood" from the aftershocks of the alien lover's experiments. Though she feels fervent desire for them, that line reveals that they didn't take the same care with her.

Perhaps they didn't know how. After all, the speaker's lover is portrayed as so different, they may as well be an intergalactic traveler. Or perhaps they didn't care; the song doesn't answer that for us. All we know is that the speaker wants them back, in spite of the damage they had done to her.

Note: I was in love. Not we were, not I am. I was, and you weren't. I was, and am no longer.

#ttpdminutes #Down Bad #Taylor Swift #Down Bad TS #to assess the equation of queue #the cassandra speaks #lkdfgsd im writing this one and tomorrows way in advance b/c i have to clean my old apartment #enjoy !

[seek--rest]

Okay, so I ended up having to tag you in a post instead of putting the thing in your asks because It was crazy long. I am so sorry. I really don't expect you to read it all. lol I just ended up typing a lot and idk

I said before I like to tussle and I meant it! I think this is the first time I’ve ever had someone put forth a very articulate, detailed argument for what they believe and are coming from AND give the disclaimer that art (pun intended) is subjective and we come away with it with different things.

I still categorically disagree on every front lmao, but for the record— I really respect it and respect even more you actually came back to dialogue. Discourse is bad except when it’s good!!

There would be too much to cover point by point but to the credit of your explanation and in wanting to step up, I do some have big things that I diametrically see things differently:

I think the queer subtext is about as subtle as a brick lmao; it’s intentional and rightfully so, though it’s fascinating to me how we came to separate conclusions

Most notably, I did not read Art as uninterested in girls at all from almost any interaction he had. I have my own Theories of Art and his relationship with Patrick (of which is categorically queer, though admittedly complicated.)

To me, Patrick is unequivocally in love Art and has been since they were kids. Art, as evidenced by Tashi asking what happened between the two of them in the hotel, Patrick looking to Art to hear his answer and Art immediately dismissing it. It’s not to say that he doesn’t have (untangled, unformed, unrealized) feelings for Patrick (at least growing up) but from the moment he was aware of Tashi— which I took the tennis attention in the exact opposite way, in that was his drawing point to her as a form of sexual attraction— he only had eyes for her. He wanted her. He wanted her number. He wanted Patrick to throw the game like he promised so he could go out with her. But in my Theories (which feels subtextual, if not actual Text), Patrick was clearly the more outgoing, more sexually expressive, better tennis player, better.

It’s why, when Art asks about what happened between Patrick and Tashi and there’s that look afterwards, I absolutely read it as jealousy— but of Patrick being with Tashi, rather than Patrick himself. Romantic, sexual, it’s evident to me from the moment he saw her what he felt for her.

Tangentially, and this is really pedantic, it’s actually not very clear from the movie how long Patrick and Tashi dated, much less that they were together for a year. If anything from real world subtext, we know they met at the 2006 juniors US Open, which is typically held in June. Stanford’s fall quarter in 2006 started in August. Considering it’s 3 years later (2009), when Tashi and Art see each other again, this has to mean her accident happened in the fall of 2006– making it that Patrick and Tashi dated (long distance) at best, six months if we assume her accident happened at the very latest in November.

This isn’t to say Patrick and Tashi didn’t have something. They did! But there’s nothing to tell us that Patrick and Tashi were serious, as Patrick admitted himself. They liked each other! They liked the sex! But while Tashi isn’t the love of Art’s life at this point, she’s not Patrick’s either imo.

Moving away from a framing of Tashi as an object of affection and more as she is as a person, I really think we’d just have to agree to disagree when it comes to how she approaches relationships— particularly her relationship with Art. Tashi already had someone who could’ve kept her close to tennis, and was good at it— it’s Art who convinced her to coach him. Tashi doesn’t strike me as the kind of person to settle or accept anyone— much less a man— into her life, to marry and then choose to have a child with, solely for the sake of a potential grand slam. She’s Tashi Duncan, she could’ve had that with anyone and arguably— was on her way to. Art even says that the girl she was coaching likely had a better a chance than he did.

Whatever she feels for Art— of which I do believe it’s love, in her own way— I cannot reconcile the woman I saw on screen with someone who would shackle herself to any kind of heteronormative conventions or because it’s the right thing to do. (And while I don’t read this as your interpretation, I personally immediately get itchy when a Black woman in fiction is believe to be ace/aromantic— particularly in a piece of media with two mlm because that’s what fandom always does as a means of “getting her out of the way”)

Tashi wanted him, and we know because she’s with him— long before he was good at tennis by the end of the movie— and her agency in choosing him feels important to acknowledge— not as a proxy for tennis, or because she can’t have Patrick— but for the qualities that she at least at 23ish desires and wants from him. And then even as an adult, she’s categorically a good, loving mother and even says to Patrick— in their argument in the car when he asks if she came to fuck him to make sure he throws the game— “if that’s what it takes” which! Is so compelling to me that she spends the whole movie not telling Art she loves him and yet when she’s standing in front of Patrick, everything about her body language, her words, her tone, speaks to affection and love she has for him as a person.

I don’t think that has nothing to do with tennis, but I also cannot reconcile that it has nothing to do with her love for Art as a person and her life partner.

Tashi is also a cheater, twice over. Duality! Which if you knew me you’d know how ironic that is since I’ve spent YEARS expressing my disdain for cheating. Even in her cheating with Patrick, I personally don’t read that as long standing love or affection, or even sexual dissatisfaction (which is absolutely in the script but notably NOT in the movie at all, even in subtext), but low moments. She sees Patrick just seconds after seeing that racist bitch Mueller at Wimbledon. To our knowledge, she only ever sees Patrick again years later— and fucks him again, this time in another low moment when her husband thinks he’s going to retire.

I definitely agree that even these framings are nuanced and contextual, and that none of these characters are so simplistic to just be boiled down to villains or angels. They’re far more complex than that and that we can have this kind of discussion is proof of that.

I’m gonna be thinking about this movie for ages.

#seek speaks #challengers #challengers spoilers #challengers movie #tashi duncan #tashi donaldson #art donaldson #patrick zweig

[larabar]

hed be so lethargic after everything. all in favor of letting him sleep in the tornado on the way home say aye

#sth #doodles #sonic frontiers spoilers #frontiers dlc spoilers #love thinking about how this different ending affects things #because its nearly the same in the credits scenes. but with the context of everything that just happened its fun to switch things up #also. ik the im with you vocal version is probably for eggman and sage. good for them. but listening to it while drawing this #some of the lyrics fit so nicely #its just kind of a nice wrap-up song. traveling home. reminiscing . #napping💤💤

[perenlop]

books that changed my brain chemistry at age 9. tbh.

#the animal povs the magic povs the haunting nature of it the way both povs weave together perfectly in the end #despite feeling so different #i still think about the hummingbird :( #this book isnt really. that related to what im about to say. but i was thinking abt the part where night song and hawk man have their baby #and the prose when hawk man holds his daughter and feeling like his entire worldview was shifting and expanding beyond his comprehension #and it was all centered on his baby and his love for her and augh. i think that passage specifically affected me profoundly #and i dont even want kids. i think its why i like writing parent characters #i should reread this.... #echoed voice #wait i forgot to say the thing i wanted to say. i was gonna say that prose is seeping into how i write flamberge and valerie #bc flamberge is like. a terrible person dont get me wrong theyre not a good person. and valerie wouldnt have totally fixed them #but flamberge's entire world shifts when they have their daughter. like they didnt think they were capable of caring for someone that much #but knowing someone as kind as valerie- someone they put in the world and wouldnt exist without them- changes them #they end up loving like they never felt they could before and its like a big step for them for becoming a better person

[redstrewn]

Part of me is team "leander is like that to everyone" bc he also plans to recruit MC into his Bloodhounds in the future ("not yet"). Despite knowing the Bloodhounds for years he isn't close to them. Makes me think he ups the charm and seduction to anyone who may be of use to him to get them to pledge their allegiance.

#his jealousy could be because he wants this power to be something he owns and not be taken away by anyone else #the emotional exclusivity (from touch) is a bonus to his egotistical nature #but idk...who knows..... #it just doesnt make sense for me that he instantly holds genuine affection just because of touch. because what about all #the other people he knows aside from the other LIs who have left him? why would MC be special other than what their power could #do for him and how their touch boosts his ego? #love at first sight doesnt exist in a world like this. but maybe obsession is. #redstrewn leandering #youre telling me not ONE person has been tender with him in all these years? while he acts like THAT??? #i dont believe it #“love will never end” in the audio files is the only thing that is standing in the way of this theory of mine. but maybe it's one-sided. #if this is too upsetting feel free to ignore me im just projecting my emotional defense pessimism onto this character #it simply makes no sense to me that being the one exclusively touched is what makes him genuinely in love #it simply makes no sense to me that this is the first time hes been treated tenderly #i have met too many ppl like him #they make u feel sooo special and then SIKE it never rly mattered who u are. just what u could do for them #the difference is hes hot and big and buff and has no regard for the laws of his universe and will inevitably eat shit #ofc im hooked. i wanna see him eat shit. also kiss him #ofc this is a ROMANCE game and hes still a love interest. but i think his true romantic feelings might come later

[deputy-morgan-malone]

What Form of Love Does Your Ship Embody?

I was tagged by @socially-awkward-skeleton, @direwombat, @fourlittleseedlings​, @shellibisshe​, @clicheantagonist​ and @voidika​ to do this uquiz for my ship/s, thank you!

Not tagging anyone since it’s been a while and this quiz made the rounds, but as usual, feel free to take this as an open tag if you’d like to do it! :)

Deputy Morgan Malone x Joseph Seed (FC5)

Morgan:

love as religion

[ love as the sole object of your reverence--nothing about you is holy, but maybe your love for another is ] when sappho said "in the crooks of your body i find my religion" and when the cast of les mis sang "to love another person is to see the face of God" and when halsey said "i found God, i found him in a lover" and when katherine philips wrote "to the dull angry world let's prove there's a religion in our love"

 Joseph:

love as religion

[ love as the sole object of your reverence--nothing about you is holy, but maybe your love for another is ] when sappho said "in the crooks of your body i find my religion" and when the cast of les mis sang "to love another person is to see the face of God" and when halsey said "i found God, i found him in a lover" and when katherine philips wrote "to the dull angry world let's prove there's a religion in our love"

[Interesting fact - I thought I’d done this quiz before, and I had, here, and got a different result for Morgan, Love As Being Known.  This being the ship, I did fill it in this time around thinking specifically about how Morgan would feel about Joseph, and their situation, which maybe skewed the result a little bit?  Or it’s just been a while and she’s evolved a little as a character, or I was on the fence about a few questions and answered them differently]

#interesting that they both got the same #and quite fitting i suppose #i prefer the love as being known thing to the religion one for morgan because i think that's how she *is* with people #and she's really not religious - although she is quite spiritual i think just in an atheist way #but might count as the same *behaviour* even if it's not the same beliefs #but anyway - filling it for her for this ship in particular probably is a little different to how i'd fill it for her in general #just because their situation in canon and connection to each other is so extreme #kind of throws everything else out the window - or nothing else affects how they feel about each other at least #like no matter what happens they still kind of really like each other and want to be together #and nothing practical really affects that or touches it #and they don't have much choice except to give up to it or renounce it #which is quite like religion in a way #and i was honestly surprised with the result for joseph - just because i was picking a lot of answers that didn't FEEL #like love as religion knowing that was one of the answers #i kind of thought 'well maybe he doesn't see love on the same level as his religion which is separate and not about personal human #relationships - so his attitude to that will be less religious just in comparison to his actual real devotion to religion #but there the result was in the end #it's just very suited to him i guess #and there they are with a relationship that defies sense or logic #unwavering no matter what happens or if they honour it or not #but does cut right to the heart of them #hmmm #joseph x morgan #uquiz #tag games #uquiz results #pairings

[gatun-gatunesco]

...

#and so i came back here. because in here i can find joy and sorrow. laugh a little and cry a lot because someone made a post i resonate with #it makes me feels understood. a private and intimate place that is also shared at the same time. and strangely; like a home #but i came back without knowing who i am. I see someone else in the mirror. Is that a monster? a sinner? a human? a normal man? #after all that effort leaving depression and self hate from my adolescence behind. from being proud of myself for being different to all me #was all a lie? how could i do such awful and terrible thing to the person i swore to protect? the person i love the most #i said i would never do that kind of unforgivable act. And here i am. Alive after the event. I want to drop dead. To dissapear from here. #But at the same time i want to fix what i did. in order to do that i need to heal. to change. be happy. to live. and i hate it #how can i do all of that with the weight of guilt crushing me and telling me i killed myself that day? i am just a shell of who i was #how to change what i thought was the best version of me? i was supposed to be different no harmful and kind man!!! #i already asked for help. and they told me it was not all my fault. But i still think it is. There is no way it can be 50/50 #physical actions are only responsibility of the ones who made it. circumstances are not a reason to diminish them guilt #a confused person is not deserving of any part of the guilt. they do not have control over themselves. but the other ones sure have it #yes. they might have started and added little physical actions. but i refused and it never came to completion. which is the opposite of min #physical trauma can spawn emotional and mental trauma as well. is way more bad and deep that the emotional one i might have #i want to kill that trash in front of the mirror. why are you still living bitch? just to be a parasite and hurt people on the go? #to make irreversible mistakes that affects every person around you? your decisions never end well. why do not you just give up already? #and yet here i am. trying to not isolate myself thanks to the safe place i found here. I can write what is on my mind. gives me some relief #because the only person i talked everyday is the same one i hurted as i never thought i would in my life #Hope i can found redemption one day. I hope they can heal and be happy soon and forever. #I am going to always be worry about them (i am sure of that) but i wish nothing but the best for them. I want nothing to hurt them again. #They never deserved the trauma and guilt. They suffered more than enough way before i step in and fucked up everything. #Life. if you can hear me. Please give them recovery. happyness. health and lots of love. They deserve it. Please #They did nothing wrong! Take them pain away and put it in me. I will stay alive just for that if is neccesary #I wanted to kill myself way long ago. but i still here. I might want to kill myself again. but i still will be here. #Just leave them be happy. That is what i really want

[devotedlystrangewizard]

every single day i log onto this app with hannibal on the brain is one day closer to my inevitably 5k word essay on the similarities and differences between zenoswol & hannigram. these are not at all related but they are both part of my special interests so they are now

#sonething something mutual destruction & love through violence & affection/hatred &- #but also something about how zenos assumes a lot which hannibal tends to leave up to will. statements & questions. therapist & enemy. #the difference in setting. the all of it. i am going insane thinking about this and i am alone jn this #its the autism. #it is 4 am i have exams tomorrow i should not still be awake but im THINKING. AGAIN. #also the way hannigram definitely affected the way i viewed zenos like. in general #aromanticism also factors into this #i like exploring my own psychology its like pretending to feel my emotions by being aware of them #surviving things they shouldnt?? doing things that in a normal person relationship would be absolutely horrible??? #(idk whether hijacking someones body to kill their friends or trying to saw someones head open is worse) #(but neither of those things really seem like a healthy thing to do) #the whole 'idk what this emotion is so im killing you' vibe. 'try to kill me you are the first and only one i want to die to' #theyre like cats bringing home dead mice. i dont want ur dead mouse but i know you do it out of love so thanks man. pls stop tho #also one of my ocs (tma oc actually) served the end & sacrificed those they loved to it. #killing as a form of love. not a mercy kill (tho ive used that as well!) but just. #fucked up little guys who believe that killing someone is the ultimate show of love. who cannot see past the violence #oughhhhh #i miss my tma oc they were cool i should go back to them