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shiftingstoner · 6 days

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I seem to have run into a pattern now every time I think about/attempt to shift.

Me: *lays in bed and starts mindlessly thinking while listening to music, attempting to keep a mental note of how long I was daydreaming* (Around the time I either start forgetting what I started with or whenever feels right)

Me: *starts thinking about walking in my IR room from a 1st person POV*

Me Thinking: "Okay so my bed is here, it feels nice and soft, very comfy. There is my desk with my art tablet and my two monitors. My closet is here..." Me: *really getting into the space of my IR room. Starting to drift away from my CR body, dipping into (hopefully) the void state*

Me: *Starts getting excited and can feel the excitement in my being*

Me: *Mind slowly drifts because of the idea of excitement. Starts thinking about why I want to shift to said IR* (Not always necessarily bad)

Me: *Start to think about IR partner/future partner, slowly turns into daydream. Now not actively thinking and staying in the moment.*

Me: *All of a sudden opens eyes and it is the morning in my CR. I had fallen asleep without knowing* Me: "FUCK I DID IT AGAIN!!!"

Now I know that for some people it's important to try and not shift to you IR for your partner/future partner. In some ways it could help you not put your IR on a pedestal and really connect with your IR, making it feel more realistic. And stuff like that. Like the idea that your IR isn't just your partner kind of thing. But between you and me most ALL of my IRs are partner oriented. What can I say I get attached super easy and fast. I mean I have maybe 3 IR that are not solely for a partner(s). That is my singer IR, my off grid IR, and an IR I like to call my justice IR. I originally created my off grid IR for the purpose of attempting to shift to an IR that is NOT partner oriented, because I like the idea of living off grid but in my CR that it WAY far in the future for me, if its even possible. Anyway, but I can't help myself and always drift back to attempting to shift to (currently my Spooky Month IR) a partner oriented IR. And time and time again this kind of shit happens to me! I can't help it! I am a heavy daydreamer! I always maladaptive daydream! Its just kind of hard for me not too, especially when attempting to shift. Like I said that is why I created my off grid IR, because I don't exactly daydream about off grid life so I would always actively think about and visualize that IR. I just wanted to share this with the community thought it was funny and wondered if this kind of stuff happens to other shifters.

#reality shifting #shifting #shiftblr #reality shift #shifting antis dni #shifting community #shifting realities #reality shifters #reality shifting talk #shifting talk #shifter community #desired reality #intended reality

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twinknote · 8 months

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top 5 meronia headcanons.......

FINALLY POSTING THIS ty for bearing w me anon!!!

housewife mello and spoiled princess near

mello is the domestic daddy of the relationship. he does the cooking, cleaning, and general house stuff. he genuinely enjoys having his routines and he's also just unwilling to live in squalor after sharing a room with matt growing up <- guy whose idea of cleaning is shoving everything into a closet/under the bed. near isn't necessarily incapable of doing these things, but let's be real. the man is a princess. i imagine he does do some cleaning when mello asks him for help and that he also does other things like paying bills and budgeting.

russian mello and french-canadian near

ok listen. i know some of you think that russian mello is overdone. HEAR ME OUT THO. first, statistically speaking, the surname keehl is most popular in russia, aside from the u.s. (1) and mihael (михаил) is also an extremely common russian name. aside from all that, he just truly strikes me as Such a russian (<- guy who is russian and also has a degree in russian and spent 4 years studying the language and culture) like between his no nonsense, independent, standoffish nature and his long blonde hair and sharp features? soooo russian coded imo

and as for near, to be fair, canada has around the 12th densest population of the surname river (2) but it does have both english and french origins-- "rivers" seeming to be more french-coded, but immigration loves to fuck up ppl's names to be fair (3) i have less evidence for near being french-canadian but i think it's cute and since morgan put this concept in my brain it has lived there rent free

near having the power to dom mello

we all know that on the outside, mello's a dominant power-hungry bitch. HOWEVER. a lot of the time those kinds of people fantasize about releasing power and letting someone else take the reins. and we also all know how obsessed this man has always been with near (for better or for worse). i fully believe that with the right tone of voice, near could tell mello to sit and bark like a dog and he would. not to mention uhh other acts. know what i'm saying?

mello never hated near. he hated himself.

it was never about mello being better than near or truly disliking him. it was always about mello's lack of self-esteem, security, and faith in himself. he felt like he needed to prove something, he felt like his inferiority to near was like a flashing neon light to everyone in the world and for that reason, he was like This dude Sucks and i'm so much better than him. and then he grows up a little and actually has accomplishments of his own that he feels proud of and creates security for himself so his nervous system is able to calm down and actually recognize that near had always been one of his closest friends and one of the people he related to and looked up to the most.

matt is an integral part of their dynamic.

listen. don't hate me bc i'm right. whether it's in a romantic or platonic capacity, matt has something that near and mello do not-- the combined power of realistic non-deranged observation and communication skills. he is the one they go to (esp mello bc yk they're besties) when they get into a fight and can't even figure out wtf they're fighting about. mello comes over in a shit mood and matt pours him a drink, listens to him vent, and gives him a much needed dose of reality and sound advice. and if we're talking about nearlymellodramattic, he is the glue of the relationship. mello is hotheaded and near is socially inept most of the time. matt is the goofy jester moderator of the relationship, keeping the gears oiled and helping everyone to communicate their feelings.

#TY FOR ASKING <3 #feel free to expand or refute my claims #ask #meronia #dn

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copperbadge · 2 years

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Hey Sam, was wondering if you've seen any info or statistics regarding Autism / ADHD in fandom? There's nothing in Wikipedia and not sure where to look. Thanky Muchly!

I don't think that information exists, tbh, and if it does I don’t know if it’s reliable. Anecdotally I know that most of us believe neurodiversity is much, much more prevalent in fandom than in non-fandom populations, and I think it’s true, but realistically it’s also mainly people looking at their own fannish social circles.

TLDR below but basically unless you have limitless funding and staff it's nearly impossible to even gather the information accurately -- it may be out there but I’d be skeptical. The TLDR is just because I like talking about this stuff :D

There are a number of problems with trying to provide actual numerical stats on this. Start with fandom -- what are we identifying as fandom, and how are we identifying participation in it? Does sports count? It's undoubtedly fandom. How do you measure who's "in" fandom or not? I follow AS Roma, an Italian soccer club, but I don't know the chants, don't own merch, and don't participate in discussion or attend games. I do read fanfic and listen to podcasts about it. Am I part of fandom? (I mean, yes, but not because of AS Roma, probably.)

Does someone who religiously watches a TV show but ONLY watches it, and isn't online about it, count? What if they aren't online but talk it over with a dedicated group of viewers at their place of work? What if they ARE online about it but have some super rancid takes about it that indicate it's obvious they don't understand what's going on? When we say fandom do we really mean people who write and read fanfic? What about people who don't do that but do meta, or gifmaking, or art? Are we taking everyone's word for it when they say they're in fandom, or looking at each person's online behavior against a rubric?

So, you have a problem just identifying who is and is not in the culture you want to study. You also have a problem in that you have to rely on those people self-reporting reliably, and determine whether you're going to count people who don't have an official diagnosis, or who refuse to provide the data. (I would possibly refuse. Past experience with people outside of fandom trying to study it statistically has not been positive -- oldies, who here remembers those two dudes who thought slash was the female equivalent of trans fetish porn for men? -- while people who are of fandom trying to study it sometimes get pushback because it’s their community and they’re a bit close to the matter.)

Okay, so approach the problem from the reverse -- look at a pool of people with ADHD and Autism (how do you get that pool? Well, it's probably at least EASIER than identifying fandom, you might have access to a clinic or social services records of some kind) and pick out the people who are fans among them. But you can't really do this, either, because what you're doing then is identifying how many neurodivergent people are in fandom, not how many fans are neurodivergent. Your pool necessarily does not include any neurotypicals. So you can say X percent of neurodivergents are into fandom, but that doesn't answer the question of whether fandom has a higher degree of neurodiversity than non-fandom. (You could possibly compare percentages in neurodivergent populations versus neurotypical, although the issue of "what is a fandom? We just don't know" still stands.)

So yeah. I've never seen numbers and would not necessarily trust them if I did. At the least I'd want to read an extensive methodology.

It seems very self-evident that fandom would be a place neurodiverse people congregate, because of tendencies to hyperfixation, and also because fandom (believe it or not) is generally an extremely accepting space, so people who have experienced a lot of social rejection are less likely to experience it in fandom. Note: LESS likely, not UNlikely, I know fandom has its issues. But fandom's inherent tendency towards acceptance of the weird is why neurodivergent and queer people tend to find their way to it. Or so the theory goes. How do you gather data on that? Download all of tumblr and do keyword-scan analysis? Man, I'd be intrigued by who would fund that, actually, and what the results would be. If there are any billionaires out there who are interested, hmu, I’ll project manage the shit out of it for decent pay and a strong benefits package.

In any case, the probable-best method of gathering this info is a voluntary survey where you accept peoples' self-identification (of both "being fannish" and "being neurodiverse"), which is fine, but not ideal, and you're still dealing with the issue of it being self-selecting.

Uh.

So.

As a fan, I think the answer is "this is probably true but we have no good data."

As a data scientist, the answer is *long, mournful scream* *interested look* *return to screaming*

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olivieblake · 10 months

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Hi, Olivie! Catching up on your latest “Not Reading” video and I have to say I’m just stunned people tag you in bad reviews??? Like, I realistically know it happens all the time to authors on bookstagram, like I use booksta every day, but I’m still flabbergasted people think it’s okay to tag authors in the most negative posts known the mankind??? Like where is the basic human decency and common sense?

On a side note though: I often tag you in my TBR posts or like, general praise posts on my bookstagram (I’ve been reading your self-published works since early 2021 and just love to show off my indie copies and rave about your work in general, especially because you’re one of my comfort authors. Moreover, I tend not to write super critical thinkpieces on bookstagram for any book because I find Instagram to be a very gimmicky place and not actually conducive to discourse in general). Anyway, are you generally okay with being tagged in positive reviews of your works? I just wanna know what you’re specifically cool with as pertains to booksta and tagging? Thanks, and have a great summer!

I’m into my reread of One For My Enemy (first time reading the newly published version) and it’s like hard drugs in the best way possible.

I think after a certain level of perceived popularity (perceived being the operative word) people stop thinking of me as a human being, much less one who receives notifications. and to be fair, there is a lot that I don't see—instagram loves to hide things in my spam folder and I gave up on even trying to deal with my DMs a long time ago. I don't always read everything I'm tagged in, it just seems like on those days where I'm like "let's see what's on instagram!" it'll backfire cosmically. also, instagram likes to put only the meanest reviews in my notifications, which is like one out of every fifty. I have no idea what the plan is there, engagement via misery? in any case I try to stay out, because you're right—it's not really conducive to conversation. it's not like two active users on instagram at the same time are engaging in a meaningful way, like what can occasionally happen on twitter or tumblr. anyway, to answer your question, yes go ahead and tag me! I can't promise I'll see it and if it's a review I likely won't read it, since even praise isn't necessarily good for the art and any stray comment could have a weird effect on my brain. but I like to share posts when I can so that I can direct people to accounts they might have interest in

so basically don't worry about it. the risk of complaining about social media users who do things like that is that they aren't listening, but the people who behave conscientiously are, so it's kind of a preaching to the choir thing

#hope you are enjoying ofme!!!!!

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navree · 9 months

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Your first theory sounds more realistic - Aegon and Visenya, who’s relationships considered never warm, probably had an argument/fight and she said some horrible things (honestly, all her comments in the book are kinda vile and envious so no surprise here).

And I don’t think Aegon ever liked her. But could you blame him? Visenya’s personality is not very likeable, with her being stern and serious most of the time, she sound a lot like Stannis Baratheon and it’s not the kind of a person someone would like to be around. And Aegon seems like a no bullshit person and so I don’t think he would go along with her actions.

follow up to this

See now you're putting me in a tough position here because Stannis is one of my favorite guys in ASOIAF, I love him very much and I can, have, and will continue to talk about him ad nauseam until I am forcibly stopped.

I don't think Aegon and Visenya having a blowout argument where hurtful words are exchanged that worsens any rift that was growing between them is out of bounds. It's actually something I've floated for myself, as a subset of my own theory, that in grief they said harsh things that they've never taken back and it did worsen what was going on between them. They don't necessarily need to have a prior bad relationship for there to be a falling out that they couldn't recover from, especially in such a high stress environment like the First Dornish War.

Listen, I've always said, and I will continue to always say, that I will not knock on anyone's headcanons, especially when it comes to the Conquerors, who we know frighteningly little about as people. And if there are people who view their story the same way that it's been viewed throughout most of Westerosi history and run with that, then that's fine by me, great, go forth and go nuts, there's good content to be mined from that. But it's not going to be something I subscribe to myself. It's also just that simply, as a writer, I've always felt "woman scorned" to be an exceptionally boring trope. Of all the things that can be done with Visenya and Aegon and Rhaenys as people, and with their interlocking relationships, having it just be that Visenya was a jealous hag who hated everyone and who everyone hated right back just feels simplistic and lazy compared to any other possible option. It's not something I'd find narratively compelling on a character or story level, and if this were a narrative proper and that was what they went with, I'd be sorely disappointed.

I also don't think we can just categorically proclaim that Visenya and Aegon never liked each other. We know Visenya at least supported him publicly, that she crowned him as king herself and was an active participant in the Conquest (she was literally injured in battle for it), continued to support the realm even as their relationship worsened, she defended him fiercely whenever his life was in danger, especially during the Dragon's Wroth, to the point of forming the Kingsguard herself to protect him, and even after he was dead, she still offered advice and counsel to Aegon's son by Rhaenys even if she thought he was a bad fit for kingship and supplanted his heir with her own son. And on Aegon's side, he trusted Visenya to be a part of his unification of Westeros and gave her just as many commands as he did Rhaenys to make that possible, he had Visenya not just as a consort but as a co-administrator, as one of the two people most in charge of the day to day political runnings of the Seven Kingdoms, alongside Rhaenys, he trusted her to protect his life and he trusted her instincts when it came to others being charged to protect him also; he did go along with her actions in those various respects. And, most importantly, he still kept her as his wife even after Rhaenys entered the picture.

The idea that the two eldest Targaryen children must get married isn't some hard and fast law, it's just a custom that's followed within the family. And we know absolutely nothing about how Aegon's marriages shook out. We don't even know if he got married to both sisters at the same time, or if there was an original marriage of just him and Visenya with Rhaenys added in later (that's my personal view of it) once Aerion, who seems to have been the person most gunning for it in comparison to his children, was out of the picture, either through infirmity or outright death. But there was a period of time where Aegon was now the person in charge of making decisions on who he would wed, that's why he married Rhaenys at all, and on the flipside would be involved in any decisions about dissolving his original marriage. We don't know exactly how ending a marriage works in Westeros, given that we only get the Faith of the Seven's idea that a marriage can be put aside if it was never consummated. It's entirely possible that, if Aegon really just could never stand Visenya, he could have easily kicked her out of the marriage entirely, and likely been able to do so, rather than just changing the parameters of the marriage to include two wives once Rhaenys got involved. The fact that he did what he did can speak volumes to the respect and affection he had for Visenya, at least as a sister, if not as a romantic partner (I still think Visenya was a lesbian in love with Rhaenys and never saw Aegon as more than a little brother, and Aegon of course was in love with Rhaenys too and only viewed Visenya as a big sister).

None of this precludes there being a catastrophic rift later in life, or them turning on each other in hurtful ways. But in my view, not only through the evidence but also in what I like creatively, I don't think that's what it is. It seems that they liked each other fine early on in life, that they enjoyed each other and loved each other as family, and likely probably did have their own companionship due to some similar characteristics (Visenya was stern and serious, Aegon was, as you said, not someone who took bullshit and seemed to be more inclined to reservation than exhuberation), but the circumstances and stresses of life twisted and corroded that until it was something toxic and distant and hurtful that never fully recovered.

I also think the Stannis thing you mentioned is actually unintentionally revealing, anon. Because on the outside, yeah, Stannis doesn't seem like the kind of guy people would want to be around. He's stern and law abiding to a fault and stubborn and unforgiving, and that hasn't engendered much love for him in other people who don't know him personally. But we, the readers, have seen the inner workings of Stannis through someone who loves him borderline unconditionally, in Davos, and we learn a lot. We learn about Stannis as a kid who nurtured a hawk who would never be the kind of hunter he needed, just because he couldn't just abandon it to die. We learn about Stannis as someone who forced himself into atheism because he couldn't fathom a world where the gods would let him watch his parents die. We learn about Stannis as someone who struggled greatly in the choice between whether or not to abandon his principles in siding with Robert, a traitor, over Aerys, an anointed king, and chose his brother because he loved him. We learn about Stannis as someone who held out through an unimaginable siege and starvation out of loyalty to his brother's cause. We learn about Stannis as someone who values those who helps him, regardless of stations, and we learn about Stannis as someone who wants so desperately to do right by people even if it's not what he wants, like claiming kingship for Robert's sake and swearing his men to press Shireen's claim if he falls in battle even if he never wanted any of this. And we do see Stannis as more than just some asshole the way he's painted as by outsiders, we see him as someone who clearly cares for Davos personally, someone who loved his brothers in spite of feeling like it was never returned, someone who does love his daughter (one of the few good things the show ever did with Stannis were some of his moments with Shireen and his evident devotion to her, before That Scene in 5x09), someone with enough love for his fellow man that he'll go to the Wall to help the Night's Watch and take back Winterfell for the Starks even if it's not entirely in his best interests.

At his core, from what we see through Davos in his longstanding devotion and then Jon as the latter gets to know him more, Stannis is so much more than what he's painted as by the official histories and court gossip and word of mouth from people who've never met him personally or don't know him well beyond saying hi in the halls. He is a thousand times more than his reputation. Stannis is the King Who Cared. And none of that is outwardly evident to people who don't know him, to people who aren't entrusted to his confidences the way Davos is. That's actually a key part of ASOIAF, the way that what we see on the outside is so rarely able to also show us what's going on behind the scenes, the way that the opinions of a general populace often do not line up at all with the reality of the situation of what someone is like in their own thoughts and personalities, like Tyrion being derided as a monster when he was trying to save the city in ACOK.

So if Stannis is all of that, and if that's emblematic of one of the core messages of the book that's actually resonant in a lot of characters if you parse it out, is it so impossible to imagine the same can be said for Visenya? Visenya is someone we are learning about entirely through a history book, Fire & Blood is an in-universe textbook compiled long after Visenya was already dead; we learn nothing about her as a person beyond what's been officially recorded, certainly nothing from those closest to her, as neither she nor Aegon nor Rhaenys left any in person records about themselves or their feelings on each other. It's entirely possible, and honestly quite extraordinarily likely that Visenya, like Stannis, has a lot more to her as a person and as a character than meets the eye.

#personal #answered #anonymous #sorry if this is a bit rambly i just had a lot more points to hit than i realized #did not mean to start ranting on about stannis the way i did but i just........god i love him so much

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norahsrants · 4 months

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Relationship/Anxiety/OCD Rant

What's up buckaroos. I'm gonna be completely honest with y'all right now (the dust mites in the corner of my room watching me type this, I mean), I'm having some struggles within my relationship. Well, not exactly - it's more of me struggling with myself & my brain.

I'm diagnosed with anxiety and suspected (?) of OCD (it runs in my family, I maybe or maybe don't have it), and I'm a huge overthinker. I'm constantly thinking about the future and ESPECIALLY what's gonna happen in my relationship. When will we break up? Will we break up at all? What will cause the break up? Is he lying to me? Am I being paranoid?

Thoughts like this are perfectly natural & so, so many people have them on the daily, but a good thing to think about is, a huge majority of the time, something you're experiencing that's troubling you isn't forever. I won't give my specific age, but I'm in high school. I'm grateful to have a boyfriend who's as loving as mine is, however I'm being realistic and knowing that we most likely won't last. That doesn't mean I'm GIVING UP on the relationship, but I am setting a realistic expectation in my mind.

A lot of the time, I have to remind myself that things don't have to last. It's okay if things change - obviously it would upset me a lot if we broke up, but the world wouldn't end. When you set an unrealistic expectation for anything, you can stress yourself out so much more than is needed.

For example: you're a freshman in high school & you meet this awesome guy who asks you out. You say yes, you start dating, but you get super nervous about it. How will things end? Am I stuck in this? What does this mean? Sometimes, your brain automatically turns up the dial up to 100 (in this situation, marriage or parenthood) and sends you straight into panic mode.

Something that could also chime in are trauma responses, which relationship OCD/anxiety can be a result of, especially feeling trapped. If you experienced a relationship(s) of any kind that made you feel trapped and/or stuck where you are, committment can be a scary thing.

On the other hand of things, life in GENERAL isn't forever. We all die eventually (until they invent some immortality potion for rich people), so make sure you realize that things are YOUR decision. You don't have to stay in a relationship, even if it's not necessarily bad because your top priority should be you & your mental health. If a relationship is draining from how anxious it makes you, you don't have to force yourself to stay. Sometimes, it's okay to give up, move on, learn from it, run the fuck away.

It's your life. Focus in on the moment you're in right now and how you feel - not how they feel, you - and make sure you're okay. There are a ton of things around you that you have the control over and if they aren't positively impacting you, you don't have to force yourself to learn to enjoy it.

Listen to it's time to go by Taylor Swift & take a good nap (always sleep on a big decision, trust me).

If you made it, thank you so much for reading & I really hope this helped at all.

-Norah.

#norah'srants #rant #brainrot #relationship #relationshipocd #relationship ocd #relationship troubles

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kindlystrawberry · 2 years

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002 for my favorite blorbo, Orym :D

(accepting!) 002 | Give me a character & I will tell you:

How I feel about this character: ORYM. orym. ORYM. he is your blorbo, and he is my little fella. I love this for us! I just adore him. I love the vibe he brings to the group, I adore all the character choices Liam makes, and I just love He. Listen. When EXU first rolled around Dariax was undoubtedly my favorite character, and when C3 started up I thought Ashton or Laudna would steal my heart, and I do absolutely adore them, but pretty damn early on Orym came hurtling down from the sky w/ his 10 foot high boot jump and knocked me unconscious, I have not found my heart since (it's in the palm of Mr. O'Brien's hand) and now I'm just totally enamored by this fella. Positive, realistic, serious, funny, sweet, brave, deeply caring, deeply protective, dEEPLY SELF-SACRIFICIAL, and like, he's an amazing fighter and adventurer and all but Orym just feels so??? domestic?? I don't know how else to describe it but that is a high compliment coming from me. anyway. I've gone on way too long about this.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Dorian (SOBS), Fearne, Ashton, and any combination of that order as well.

My non-romantic OTP for this character: CHETNEY. Oh my god. I literally do not know what it is, but I absolutely adore Chetney and Orym's interactions and their bond/friendship.

My unpopular opinion about this character: Hm okay I don't necessarily know any distinctly unpopular opinions in fandom, but this is something that I've disagreed about with a guy in my D&D group (and they're not on Tumblr so I promise this isn't a vaguepost lmao). I don't think Orym's the "brave because I'm fearless" kind of person. I think he definitely gets afraid, and that we have seen him afraid multiple times, and that's why he's so brave. He's brave because he gets scared shitless and keeps on fighting anyway. Because that's what he knows how to do. Because protecting is his job, his whole Thing. (God I was screaming "HYPOCRITE" in the most loving way during the FCG intervention scene, can't you tell?). I can go on a further rant about this if someone wants me to but for now I'll try to keep this from going tooo long.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: I wanna see is someone give Orym a flower. I would love it. Liam's already weaponized druidcraft against me, personally, so now I need to see one of the other players do it to him. Also? I want Orym to have his turn on the sending stone to Dorian. Please. Please.

my OTP: Dorym. I can't help it. I just. They.

my cross over ship: Mmmm I don't really have one! But as far as a platonic ship goes, I saw really cute art of Orym and Caduceus being friends? I feel like those two would get along so well. Also Yasha and Orym as another platonic one. They would get along SO well.

a headcanon fact: Orym absolutely has battle scars all over his body. Some of them are in spots that he can't really see and whatever lover~ he has often traces those scars when they're cuddling and intimate together.

#ORYYYYYM #HE'S JUST A FELLA. HE'S JUST A GUY. AND I LOVE HIM FOR IT #ahem. yes . totally i have normal amounts of emotions about this d&d character #thank you for sending this in ama!!!#ben answers #critical role #cr c3 #bells hells #orym of the air ashari #long post

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steadytrashpastacash · 3 years

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Illena character analysis

The unrighteousness of the Hierarchy took Illena's fragile state of mind and twisted her into a monster. And while we can understand her cruel actions and such she should still be held accountae as she is deserving of the consequences. Narratively, She is not a sympathetic character but instead a pitiful character due to how she is presented in the story

But to provide some background, the high rankers dictating the lives of people beneath them reinforced the idea that power is everything to the mid tiers and that if you have it you're better than anyone who is weaker than you and are allowed to do what you want to them basically, that's part of the why the mid tiers bully the low rankers so much, because that sort of thing is justifiable in their world due to the hierachy.

But they aren't just doing it because they believe that they deserve it, it's deeper than that. The mid tiers want to be respected and or atleast acknowledged/taken seriously for the strength that they possess, just like the high tiers. And with that being said, there are things that the mid tiers cannot do in society because they're simply not strong enough, and because of they're forced to conform to what the high rankers tell them. The mid tiers quite literally hate that they have to listen to the high rankers because they will suffer the consequences and get beat up if they dont. Point is, they're just picking on the lower tiers to feel good about themselves and vent their frustrations in a system where power is everything. Illena is no exception

But she practically sees a former god tier acting all high and mighty/condescending when they've literally been rendered powerless, and notice that they are now attempting to take the moral high ground since that they're the one being discriminated against after losing everything. High tiers wanted mid tiers to know their place but cannot accept their own if they're not in a position of power, that is what Illena learns here.

think about it, all of a sudden they neglect the entire structure of the system and consider beating up low tiers as an injustice when they did not care about what happened to them at all when they were on top of the food chain where she perpetuated the same caste system because it was once beneficial for her. And that seriously pisses off Illena because to her this must mean that Sera still thinks that she's better than them even without any abilities because she decides to fight back/retaliate, perceiving the mid tiers as week (protecting other low tiers in the process and more importantly acting as if she still owns them by telling them what to do and getting into their business, as Illena has said)

And Illena doesnt just kidnap Sera to get back at her specifically, but all of the high tiers in a sense, their arrogance entitlement, etc etc only using Seraphina as an outlet for all of their pent up frustration and hurt. She didn't even see them as an individual, but just another high tier, as we see when Illena addresses Sera using words such as "you guys" "her kind" "them".

Illena basically just wanted to hammer in notion that the high tiers were nothing without their powers to get rid of that same high tier like mindset ingrained in Sera's head to establish her place in the hierarchy as the most worthless and incompetent student in Wellston. All she wanted was for Seraphina to learn her place and act her rank accordingly. Because as a cripple she's worthless, and she should act/be treated as such. For in this society power is everything, and high tiers were the ones who ebstablised this with their Hierachy. Seeing Seraphina acting like she was better than them was unacceptable after everything the high tiers perpetuated

Which we can see here

In this instance, Illena wanted Sera to admit that they were better than her and that she was beneath them

And so, when she refuses. Illena gets pissed off because of her stubbornness, this is when the others step up and tell her that what she's doing is excessive.

Here Krolik implies that they should let Sera go, and this isn't what he tjinks but everyone else present too, as seen as other mid tiers stand by his side. But I am not saying that they felt remorse for Sera necessarily, but felt that torturing her was unnecessary and that if they kept her hostage/continued abusing her they would be severely punished once they're eventually caught, and that just isn't worth it to them as they know that beating her up will ultimately change nothing in the long run, anyway. They just wanted to get back at her for what she did... But not like this

Basically, they want Illena to accept that they don't need confirmation to know that they're better than her, it's a given seeing as Sera's a cripple, having no value/worth. She should just give up...

But she's refuses.....out of pride, insecurity. Needing reassurance, a sense of superiority above someone that was better than them for so long as she is offended by their hypocrisy and double standards

..Anyways when Arlo catches them and calls them disgusting, Illena calls him out for valuing a cripple above the rest of them when they were stronger than her, as following the structure of his hierarchy he shouldn't even care. Usually he would just ignore them anyway. And while it is debateble on whether or not Arlo would do anything if it was someone he didnt know the fact that Illena genuinely believed that he wouldn't step in only reinforces how bad the system really is where no one expects a high tiers to help someone beneath them when they're in trouble. She also said that the high tiers dictate the lives of the people beneath them because they were born gifted and get specials privilege because of it, just because they are stronger than everyone else. And Illena is frustrated that they have to listen to the high tiers, because they're punished if they don't comply, to her it's unfair. The high tiers did whatever they wanted with the mid tiers because they were above them, so the mid tiers should be able to do whatever they want with Sera as she is beneath *them*.

But Arlo just ignores her, and this reinforces her belief that the royals dont care about the feelings/opinions of anyone beneath them since it doesn't matter what lower tiers think because the high tankers will always be stronger, meaing they dont have to listen to shit(The lions do not concern themselves with the opinions of the sheep). And that pisses her off. In that moment, she disregards his rank. Pushing past her fear and trying to sucker punch that bitch. As the only way to get your point across in this world is through violence….but the realization that she can't do shit begins to sink in once she receives reflective damage from his barrier, serving as a reminder that no matter what they really can't do anything, because they're not strong enough. Turns out her little stunt was nothing but a meaningless attempt to change the status quo, this hits Illena hard. And she just accepts that she will probably be expelled

And with all of that said Illena might've been a hypocrital bitch but she still had a valid point.And if anything her being a hypocrite only reinforced how bad the system is at hand as well. Simply put, Illena represents the struggles of being a mid tier and sheds light on their mentality and what they deem jusifiable as a result of their system. She also provides insight on the damaging us vs them mentality and actually had a point in her rant to the high tiers. She had actual depth to her actions other than just being an asshole and had something of importance to say

I like her as a character study. I think her motivations are pretty realistic in context of the world she lives in. She's an product of her environment that shaped her into becoming this bully who resents the higher ups because of their privellege.

And that my friend, is why I like Illena as a character from a narrative standpoint

#unordinary #seraphina #analysis #illena #bullying #kidnapping tw

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intheseautumnhands · 2 years

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Top 5 either albums, or (if you keep them/this is applicable) things that you would love to own but will never buy because they're expensive and/or frivolous. Sorry if that's too specific lol

( ask my top 5 anything ) Nah, it works! :D top 5 albums:

So I am trying to think of albums where I love the whole album, not just love half the songs and skip half the songs, as with a lot of albums. (Even if I like the artist generally, there does tend to be favorite songs I'll go straight to and ones I'm more meh on. Like Aims by Vienna Teng -- my favorite songs on it are some of my all-time favorites, but I think I can count on one hand how many times I've heard Oh Mama No.) So none of these may necessarily contain my all-time favorite music from the artist, or have the songs I'd point to as favorites, but they're overall the ones where I will listen to, if not every song every listen, all but one or two.

Also, I decided musicals are cheating, because they're in a different category altogether. XD

- Enneagram, Sleeping at Last. This is... technically an EP, so maybe cheating, but it's longer than some of the official albums I love, so I'm gonna count it. Six of the nine songs on here were on my top 100 this year. Sleeping at Last destroys my heart and then pieces it back together with careful, loving focus and then lets me lay down with my head in their musical, metaphorical lap and strokes my hair while singing me to sleep. Space is also good for this, but every. fucking. song. on Enneagram does it at least once. Every one.

- Mischief, SJ Tucker. I tend to skip less on Sooj's albums to begin with, but I would not skip a single one on this. It's got some of her absolute best songs (seriously, Ravens in the Library, Cheshire Kitten, Love Lies, Neptune, Girl With a Lion's Tail, Witchka, To My Valentine, and D&D, all coming from the same goddamn album how the hell does she do it), it makes you cry and then laugh, it's just such a great package altogether.

- High as Hope, Florence and the Machine. I don't think there's a single song on this album that doesn't give me chills. It's just one amazing song right after the other. I've listened to it as a coherent whole less than most of these, but probably listened to each individual song more often than a lot of the others.

- Ruin, the Amazing Devil. The most recent listen, but while the other two have songs that I like but am less likely to listen to every time, I think I would listen to every single song on this one on repeat at any given time.

- Chime, Dessa. Dessa is actually one of the few artist whose first three albums all fit the criteria here, but Chime is probably one of the albums I've listened to most as an album... ever. Period. Every song is so goddamn good. Each one of the first five songs would be serious contenders for the best song I've ever heard, in particular. Shrimp is great out of context, but makes such a fun little upbeat break in the album that it's even better that way. I love this album so much.

things I'd love to own, but would never get myself because expensive/frivolous:

- you know that thing they do when they auction off props or clothing from a tv show sometimes? There are absolutely properties where I'd love to own stuff from it, but I am never gonna have that kind of money. And the clothes would never fit me, so that's just useless.

- a massage chair. Not as good as, like, a proper massage by a person, but it does help. I could not afford it, and I have nowhere to put it, so it's not going to happen, but man do I dream of it.

- signed copies of some of my favorite poetry books. There have been ones where I was tempted, but as it is I don't even buy them at full price, I wait for them to go on sale. That additional five or ten dollars isn't much, but it feels like a ridiculous amount for something that doesn't really add much altogether.

- the last two here fall under 'I'd like to hope someday I will, but realistically, no' -- really good video editing software. There's no point right now cause my computer can't run it anyway. But god do I want to try vidding again.

- similarly, a keyboard. I would love to get one and learn to play, but I haven't got a lot of space for it, I'd worry about the noise in my household, i'd probably not actually keep up with it because my motivation is low, and I just don't see it being something I'm willing to do at any point.

#memething

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grayyxv · 4 years

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A Comprehensive Analysis of Eustass 'Captain' Kid

I've been wanting to write this for awhile now as Kid is undoubtedly one of my favourite characters in One Piece. Also, I'm majoring in Psychology so I can't help but think about why I love his character so much.

Disclaimer: As we all know, Kid doesn't have much screentime so it's quite difficult to understand his character completely. So, whatever you read will be my own intepretation of his character (based on the little amount of scenes that he has). Of course, you don't have to agree with it but it might give you a bit of a different perspective!

So, withour further ado, let's begin!

*P.s I'll try to make it flow in but it might end up really messy so I apologize for that*

Note: NOT SPOILER FREE!!!

1. Assumptions

I guess I'll begin with some of the common assumptions of his character based on posts/videos I've seen about his character. They frequently refer to Kid as 'cruel' or 'heartless'. Basically, there are many negative remarks about his character that makes him seem like a total psychopath.

Their reasoning for this would be because:

- He mentioned that he would kill anyone would mocked him

- His high bounty = He's notorious & violent

- The way he acts makes him come off as a bloodthirsty pirate

From another standpoint, I can see why people might think that way about him. The way he speaks and acts does make him look villainous. In addition, his primary role in One Piece is to be Luffy's rival. (I'll expand on this point later.) So, one might think that his morals would contrast Luffy. Whereas Luffy is the kind and benevolent pirate, Kid is the 'bad guy' who is cruel and heartless. The question is, though Kid is rival character, why does that necessarily mean that he would be a bad guy? I strongly disagree that Kid is a psychopath and that he is heartless. Firstly, the term 'psychopath' shouldn't be used so loosely. A true psychopath would have no regard for other's feelings which is not true of Kid because he cares very much for his crew. On the other hand, Doflamingo would be a good example of a psychopath. Next, even if Kid WERE a psychopath, not all psychopaths are violent. So it'd be nice if people stopped misrepresenting psychopaths.

Now, if there is one thing I learned in psychology, is that people tend to make assumptions about a person's actions as part of their personal dispositions rather than because of situation. This would be the Fundamental Attribution Error (FAE). What do I mean by this? Let's take a look at Kid's scenario. He mentioned killing people who mocked his dream. Killing people would make people automatically assume that Kid is 'violent'. But here is a different perspective, what if 'mocking him' had meant that they tried to start a fight with him? Provoking other people repeatedly would cause anybody to get angry. There are many other characters who acts this way as well. Sure, Luffy doesn't go as far as to kill them but I'm sure that many other characters do because they are PIRATES.

In contrast, I think of this situation as Kid standing up for himself. He believes in himself and he would beat anyone up who tells him otherwise. If you think about it, Luffy is kind of similar because he ends up fighting anyone who tries to stop him from attaining his goal.

That is pretty much all the assumptions that people make about his character. It's sad how they don't delve deeper but fret not!! I still have more to say.

2. Pre-Timeskip vs Timeskip Changes/Growth as a character

During Pre-timeskip, Kid is seen as overconfident. I actually agree with this statement quite a lot. His high bounty was a result of his reckless behaviour. He could easily triumph over anyone before the timeskip. That was when he started to become a little too full of himself. Consequently, he suffered heavy losses. His arm was taken by Shanks, his crew was utterly defeated by Kaido (curse you Apoo) and his reputation as the top supernova was instantly lost to Luffy. His true character development was in the Wano arc where we see how he starts to take a step back and re-evaluate his situation. The most obvious evidence for this was when he got captured in Udon. He was quiet (before Luffy's arrival) and deep in thought. So many things had happened to him, you could even argue that he was feeling slightly lost and helpless (not depressed) because he was utterly defeated. The motivation and drive he had in pre-timeskip was shattered- Until Luffy arrived of course. When Luffy arrived, he was battered and bruised but he was still ready to fight. Kid, who saw how Luffy still had his fighting spirit, was somehow inspired to keep on fighting. It's almost as if Luffy is Kid's drive to be stronger.

So, what does this all say about Kid?

I think that this makes his character believable as it can represent real life. There are some points in our lives where we could be the greatest but, sometimes, life can be pretty cruel too. If you get too cocky or overconfident, the world will punish you. I saw a comment that says Kid is Luffy but without the plot armour. That is very true. Kid isn't perfect. He made tons of crappy decisions and dealt which the consequences. I'd say he's as reckless as Luffy, perhaps LESS reckless than Luffy but he suffers more than Luffy does. While Luffy could bask in glory, all Kid got was the short end of the stick. I think that is the reason why I find Kid such an appealing character- because its an accurate representation of real life. Sometimes you can try as hard as someone else but you won't always get the spolight.

The other appealing aspect is his persistence. He made mistakes and bad decisions but he knows that he can't undo them and has to move on. Kid isn't as lucky as Luffy because he didn't have someone like Rayleigh to train him so, he had to put in more effort somehow. The main point is, he had to learn everything the hard way. Yet, he still strives to be the best which is very befitting of a rival character.

3. interactions & Personality

Another thing I frequently see when people Kid and Luffy is that: People say that while Kid makes enemies, Luffy makes allies which is why he has so much support from others around him. I was thinking about this a lot and I can't help but disgaree. I saw another post where they mentioned Kid's MBTI personality is INFJ which made me think even more about that statement. From here on, I will include several headcanons about his character as well.

Let me offer you a different perspective. Perhaps Kid isn't good at expressing his feelings. The way he speaks may come off as cold which makes other people dislike him because they think he is rude whereas he simply doesn't know how to communicate with others very well. Luffy is no doubt an extrovert, seeing how he is easily able to interact with others. Kid on the other hand, if he is an introvert, it could be an explaination to why he doesn't have many interactions with others. I don't see him as someone who's very 'sociable'. So he could experience some difficulty when communicating his feelings. He's shown to be closer to his crew more than anyone else. He is deeply respected by his crewmates because he is sensitive to their needs as well. He isn't the tyrant that everyone paints him to be, he earned that respect by first respecting his crewmates. Also, he would essentially DIE for any of his crewmates. This part is quite self explainatory if you've read the chapter where they revealed what happened to Kid and Killer in Wano.

I just want to add that while Killer suffered so much in Wano, imagine how much it hurt Kid to see his first mate suffer and how he couldn't do anything about it. The expression on his face is perfectly the anger he had towards Kaido, Apoo and more importantly, HIMSELF for not being strong enough. Yet, people call him heartless though he would literally die for Killer.

But anyways, Kid is an excellent listener and he cares very deeply for people he is close to. I just think he's bad at communicating. Look at the way he talks to Luffy. In Wano, you can see how Kid actually does LIKE Luffy as a rival. He just has trouble expressing himself. Anyways, this is just a headcanon but I think that he's rather sensitive to other's feelings- Especially when it comes to his crew. I really like the idea that he's an INFJ because he seems more like the 'advocate' type of character. I still think he makes a very good leader but his approach would contrast Luffy's.

4. Intelligence

I could probaly go on forever about why I love Kid but this is another thing that I see about Kid and kind of annoys me. I'm not sure why everyone seems to think he's a dumbass. Like REALLY. I think he's pretty intelligent. He even kept tabs on the whole SMILE situation and Doflamingo and planned the alliance. He IS intelligent but his recklessness just makes him seem like an idiot.

Kid isn't perfect, he is flawed just like a real human being would be. By no means is he a GOOD person but I don't think he is as 'cruel' or 'bad' as people paint him to be. He cares a lot for his crew. He is very driven by his own personal values and he wouldn't 'change' for anyone. He believes in himself and if anyone tells him otherwise, he would simply beat them up. He isn't happy go lucky like Luffy, he is much deeper than that. He would consider his options and plan- to a certain extent because he is also quite idealistic. Hence, the reason why I feel like his character is such an interesting one is because there is a lot of opportunity for him to grow and stray away from stereotypical anime character traits. His character is believable because his personality is realistic, it could reflect a real human being.

TLDR: Stop sleeping on Kid.

With that, thanks for coming to my ted talk.

Anyways, that's it for now! I'll make a part 2 if I feel like I want to add something. If people like this, I'll consider making another analysis for other characters. Currently I have Law, Ace and Sabo planned in mind but we'll see how it goes.

Thanks for reading!

#one piece #eustass kid #eustass kidd #kidlaw #killerkid #kid pirates #eustass captain kid

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thoughtfulpaperback · 4 years

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Spoilers!!!! Charmed 02x07 Review

I still dont know y'all.

Okay so here is the thing. This episode had more things I disliked rather than liked. Just because I didn't like it doesn't mean the episode still wasnt objectively "good". The pacing was good. Suspense wise, it was really good on the part of the main plot (Parker and the demon situation). Just by going pacing and references, I would say this was about a 7/10 pretty standard. If I had liked other plot points it would be higher probably.

Well onto what I did like about the episode:

Abby.

Abigael was by far the best thing on this episode. She added comedy but also her plot thickened and we got to see her as the cunning villian plotting for her throne. I want more of this! Is this Overlord stuff not going to amount to anything? They just left that plot when they captured her and so now that it is coming together I am happier about it. Whether a lie or not, her Harry comment had me rolling.

Jordan.

So when he and the ring first showed up I said it be cool of his family some where on there had been witch hunters but that he himself was not one. And it seems like they are going this route. Which I am up for. But if they try to kill him I will riot. Like this poor man is decent and been put through the ringer with these ladies craziness (mostly maggie). Give the man a break!

I like the idea of a bloodline curse. I wonder if they will try to break it next episode or if Maggie is going to take most of the plot and Jordan's fate will be wait until after the mid season finale.

Now onto things I didnt like:

Melkat being separated

Listen, I get why Mel is the one with the seperated ship. She is the only one who actually takes her role to the next level. Her sense of duty is high and unlike Maggie she has some self control when it comes to those matters. But if Kat doesnt come back then what was the point? Unless they plan on sinking Parkerita hard, Kat leaving is completely unfair and makes no sense. Because arguably she should be the less problematic love interest. She accepts that Mel can't tell her things, she believes in the magic. She isn't a part of this whole demon fiasco or wierd love triangle, square thing going on. So unless they removed her because things are about to get really bad and unsafe in safe space, then the point was just to hurt Mel or at least to show us that mel is the more likely to forgo love because of past experience and sense of secrecy which while I understand personality wise, I feel it could still be done and let her be happy.

I mean unless we plan on torturing everyone (which I would not prefer, i don't mind angst but if something must end then end it quickly. I am not a sadist) then stop using mel as the doesnt get a happy ship for a minute person.

Maggie and Parker possible engagement

I am going to be that Bitch. Maggie is 20. This would be her sophomore year of college. Even with her not in college. She ain't self-sufficient. She doesnt have a lot of direction in her life. She is still growing and figuring things out. For me it isnt an issue of wanting a slow burn with Jordan. If Parker came back and was her bf that helped out I wouldn't care. But in season 1 this boy asked her to abandon her sisters to run away with him. Now he is asking that she marry him. What does he think a marriage is supposed to look like?

Like y'all I get the romanticness and the love, but these are kids. Marriage is a job. Like yes love is important. But lots of work is needed to maintain a healthy marriage. You cannot convince me this 20 year old with an overhanging war on her plate is ready for marriage. Maggie is smart and beautiful. But she still has growing up to do. The fact that her sister is shown protecting thier secrecy and holding back (like they agreed) on the romance and Maggie just goes for it shows that there is still room for growth (on both parts).

This, to me, cannot end well. I mean I hope they don't hurt Parker, but I can't realistically see a marriage happen given the circumstances.

Hacy

Okay so. I didn't like this. On one hand, good on Macy and Harry to still be able to get a job done together inspite of the passive aggressiveness and jealousy. But the writers need to be careful because this kind of stuff can border toxic and eventually become toxic.

For one, macy should not be jealous or projecting....let me rephrase that. Macy shouldn't be showing these things and dropping vague hints at Harry when he is down. I get she maybe confused about her feelings, I get that she may be jealous. But last season she was a little jealous and mostly took it in stride. For her to accuse Harry of having a thing with abigael when 1) when would he have had the time? he has been pretty busy trying to help and save her 2) she knows his feelings how can she think he'd be into someone else when she read his mind and his darklighter was all over her.

Then with the question about the darklighter, the saying she doesnt know what she felt, then immediately saying he was a piece of harry, when it is obvious harry has been down since the whole ordeal. I mean sorry, but no that ain't right and considering how much they stressed Macy's self control and not openness those things being the stuff to spill out is not cool.

And Harry. Har. . .Harry. . . .Harold. . . . .

For the show to establish that Harry is insecure, but doesn't plan on persuing anything, and for it to have previously establish that Harry is good at repressing and still being there for Macy with little awkwardness (the first 3 episodes) on his part, To then make him the passive agressive brat he was this episode was soo ooc. I get that this has all shaken him. I get he feels like he is broken. But to make snide remarks obviously directed at Macy . . . Made me feel like back in season 1 when Galvin got mad at her in the lab. They both are messing up and aren't communicating well.

God Dang! They don't have to necessarily talk out thier feelings and have a relationship resolution, but they can't continue on like that. They need to have some sort of talk. If not then why would I support the ship if it is turning into something unhealthy. Hopefully they can pull together with not so much snarkiness next episode.

Onto highlights:

Macy boxing....I want more

Jordan being kind of threatening....intrigued

Swan. I like swan

While in this case the jealousy wasnt funny or to endearing, Abby's overt flirtations with Harry had me rolling

Kat confirmed medium

Melkat kiss

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mrnicholas · 7 years

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I would like to just come over here and virtually hug you- or if you don't like hugs, just radiate affection in your general direction -because oh sweet Maker, I've finally found a blog with DA on it that sees the shades of grey in the Mage/Templar shit, AND likes Cullen, AND likes Dorian, AND isn't 100% hetshipping (I like cull/quiz too but damn there are other ships). It's kind of weird how it's like a "pick two" thing, with those. BUT THEN THERE'S YOU. HI. I LIKE YOUR BLOG AND ART AND STUFF.

I love hugs! Thank you! That’s actually one of the nicest compliments I’ve ever gotten. I think seeing things in shades of grey is important. I’ve always been a firm believer of “there is always two sides to a story”. And I think you need to have listened to all those sides before you lock in an opinion on the matter, even if you don’t always agree with what’s being said. And even then your opinion shouldn’t be so inflexible that you can’t change it if you realize you’re wrong. Where the Mage/Templar shit is concerned there’s been horrible people on both sides and great people on both sides. I don’t feel like one or the other is necessarily “in the right”. (I’ll refrain from ranting. I could go off on this topic like you wouldn’t believe and you already obviously know my stance on it. lol) I love the realistic approach to both Cullen and Dorian’s personalities. Really to all of the characters, but those two especially. They’re both exceedingly stubborn but they’re willing to change their mind if presented sufficient cause and I respect that even if I don’t always agree with what they say. I feel like there is a ton they can learn from each other.I am 1000% LGBT friendly. I have nothing at all against het-shipping and I ship my fair share of them too. I just usually fall in love with pairings outside that spectrum. And being bisexual myself I don’t really think about gender a lot when I ship. I tend to ship people based on how well their personalities mesh, whether they contrast or compliment, what they have in common, etc. I'm pretty much down for most pairings honestly. There’s plenty of love to go around. Show me two awesome people and chances are I’ll want them to bang at some point. XD I think I’d probably ship the InquisitorxAnyone more if they had a more fixed personality like Hawke. I feel like the Inquisitor is a lot like the Warden in that they’re more a vessel for the player’s choices than a character all on their own. I suppose a lot of people make OC personalities and headcanon for them but I just never have.

Anyway, sorry for the long reply. THANK YOU so much for taking the time to stop by and send me a comment. I love to hear from people.

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languagethrills · 5 years

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5 WORKPLACE COMMUNICATION MISTAKES TEACHERS SHOULD AVOID

I am not perfect at communication. I am a teacher, so I am good at delivering classes. But when it comes to communicating marginal issues at work, issues that don't necessarily concern the curriculum, I often fall short. My students are undeniably the center of my attention every day, but they're not the only people at work I interact with on a daily basis. In fact, I would argue that teachers spend almost as much time communicating with each other as with their students, though of course if would differ from school to school. Communication breakdowns between work colleagues can lead to a drop in productivity, feelings of resentment and even resignation. Those are some serious reasons to want to be better at it.

Do you ever...

...hear "You should have told X about this earlier" from your supervisor?

...find yourself come home from work ranting to your loved ones about something that was said to you by a colleague of yours?

...hear "There's obviously been some kind of misunderstanding here"?

...wonder if you should tell anyone about an ongoing issue in your class or leave it be?

...say something that sounds completely innocuous, get a reaction opposite to what you expected, and realize your intentions were all wrong to start with?

Here are 5 work communication pitfalls that teachers often commit and ideally should replace with better behavioral or thinking patterns.

#1: ASSUMING

I arrive at work assuming that the weekly Monday meeting will take place at a usual time today. Monday is a busy day, and I'm completely immersed in lesson prep and ignore to check my phone. I step out to pop into a shop thinking I'll have plenty of time to come back right before the meeting. I come in only to find the meeting in full swing, and I'm embarrassed -- everyone is looking questioningly. After the meeting is over, I offer my apologies to the management, and check my phone to find a message about the meeting being moved to an earlier time. Assuming is such a common reason for communication breakdown that I could have given you 10+ more examples. A while ago I heard someone on the radio ask: "Are you an assumer or an inquirer?" "I'm an assumer," I was somewhat upset to admit. In my experience, people who would rather ask than assume tend to have fewer communication problems. What to do instead: Be an inquirer, not an assumer

It's very simple: if you don't know the answer -- ask. Assume nothing. Not when it comes to your students. Not when it comes to your workplace. Especially not when it comes to communication. If you can't immediately reach a person who you think will know the answer, plan on asking, and don't assume anything until you do. It is upon you to be the one who asks the right question.

#2: WITHHOLDING

Michael teaches a teenagers class. The majority of the children in class are boys, and there's a lot of horse-playing and friendly banter happening during the lessons. Michael manages to control the situation most of the time, but notices it can sometimes go out of hand when some of the more boisterous children cross the line and get verbally obnoxious. Michael can see that this bothers other children in class who feel they are being picked up on and decides to tackle the problem by addressing the whole class and talk to them about the importance of being friendly and tolerant in any circumstance. He decides not to say anything to the management, fearing of being perceived as being unable to control children in his care. Weeks later he receives a message from his school management that the parents of one of the children being picked up on decided to take him from this school. Michael realizes that the problem ran more deeply that he had assumed. Naturally, the management has questions. Teachers do it for various reasons: Michael's was fearing of being perceived as a lesser teacher. Some people do it our of pride to prove to everyone including themselves that they can do it without anyone's help. What to do I instead: Share with people who are supposed to know

Make sure everyone who is supposed to know about the situation is told about it by you. Perhaps the best advice that I'd ever received when it comes to communication was from my mentor, who said "Never leave the issue lying -- always address it head-on." Issues left unaddressed will almost definitely surface, only this time people involved will have questions about not being informed about it before. It is way better to be forthcoming. A conversation delayed is a problem exacerbated. #3: EXPECTING

Diane is an educated woman working in a small private language school. She likes being appreciated for the work she had put into her training, and expects respect in communication with her colleagues. The company goes through downsizing and Diane is made redundant. She's devastated, and doesn't understand why.

At work, there is really only one rule regarding expectations to live by:

What to do instead: Ask yourself if what you want is in everyone's interests

It is awfully nice to be appreciated, understood, listened to. It is wonderful to work in a place where people fulfill their promises and uphold unspoken agreements. And wouldn't it be glorious if everyone was courteous, mannerly and genuine with us all the time? In reality, we live in a ever changing world surrounded by people who are having it just as hard as we do -- what makes them any smarter, mentally stronger and kinder than us that we expect this behavior from them, especially when deep down we know that it may not be in their interests? Not expecting doesn't have to make you jaded -- on the contrary, it may add a little more empathy to your life. After all, you are trying to understand whether what you're expecting is realistic from the other person's point of view. And once you do, you can be free of resentment. #4: POINTING FINGERS Patricia is substituting a teacher who is sick. When taking over the classes, she notices that the teacher had been behind the syllabus for a while. When asked by the management how Patricia is getting on with her temporary classes, she is quick to point out that the other teacher has been lagging behind, and that is why she is finding it difficult to keep up with the pacing. No one likes a person pointing fingers -- it makes for a situation where all parties will resent each other. What to do instead: Channel the conversation into what you've done

You may say something like "We started with X and are now doing Z, so I think that by the of next week we'll be doing Y." And just leave it at that. In an ideal world, I would make it a rule of thumb not to get into a conversation about people who are not in the room unless you want to evoke confidentiality regarding a conversation at hand. #5: FAULT-FINDING

Ashley is a teacher in a summer language school. She knows she is a good teacher, who is also smart and perceptive. In a meeting with her supervisor, she is quick to point out the issues that need to be addressed, but is unhappy with the solutions her supervisor has to offer. All parties leave the meeting a little frustrated and resenting each other. There is nothing wrong with bringing out the issues that need to be looked at. A good manager will want to surround themselves with people who are willing to work towards improvement. Your intention however should be primarily to work towards the solution of the problem. If it isn't, you will continuously get disappointed, frustrated and resentful. . What to do instead: Have a solution to offer

It is always a good idea to have a possible solution at hand - it will set your expectations for the communication right, and will likely leave your management pleased with your initiative and willingness to find a solution. We fall victims to communication breakdown from time to time, and we all need to be better at it. The key is to recognize the mindsets that lead to these or similar situations described above. Every situation described here is personal to me, in one way or another. I have been continuously learning to be a better communicator. I wrote this post in hope you would embark on this journey with me exploring your own communication shortcomings and taking it upon yourself to improve.

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