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destiny-smasher · 5 years

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I used to be close friends with one of the composers for Steven Universe. I watched them rise from a YouTube remixer living in a cramped bedroom in a shared apartment with nothing but a mattress on the floor and a keyboard beside it to owning a house, happily married with a whole backyard garden and a cat because they found success working on one of the biggest cartoon shows I’ve known. But they broke off that friendship earlier this year and it’s made my biased love for Steven Universe become very difficult to grasp with. Understanding how and why we weren’t friends anymore was likewise difficult to grasp, even after hours of us trying to hash things out and resolve it. And while we DID resolve things amicably (I hope) and peacefully, it wasn’t until Steven Universe: The Movie that I was really able to feel like I could see the forest from the trees and ‘get’ what happened. This will be a kind of review of the movie, but mostly it became more of a personal ramble relating my real life experiences with Aivi to those of characters within SU, especially the antagonist of the Movie. This is lifted from this Twitter thread, so it was originally written stream of consciousness and I’m sharing it here to keep it more readable and archived. This is a bit of a read so tucking it behind a ‘read more.’

"You keep on turning pages for people who don't care about you And still it takes you ages to see that no one's there Everyone's gone on without you"

Time to finally talk about the #StevenUniverse Movie. Strap in 'cause this gon' get personal.

It should go without saying BUT I am gonna be talking about the movie! Dunno how in detail per se but I can't properly say what I wanna say without diving into some of the important plotty stuff. So yea.

Don't read this thread if ya don't want #spoilers #sumovie

First off, I wanna talk about what this movie does well. Going in, I had heard it was framed like a musical. And I wasn't sure how I felt about that idea, though it wasn't surprising. After all, the 'musical' style episodes tend to resonate quite a lot.

I think they work great when it's one song in a 10 minute episode, but an hour and a half of songs? I wasn't sure how well that would go. Turns out, pretty well. This is due to many factors but primarily the variety of song styles and art styles used throughout. Basically every scene has a primary song that drives it home, and basically all of them have a different genre/tone as well as visual presentation style. A lot of work went into getting it all to work together and feel cohesive. TBH for me personally the main highlight of the movie was honestly the animation. Average TV goers might just see "yup sure looks like a cartoon" but on the whole, on average, the movie is CLEARLY animated and framed with much more dynamism and detail than the majority of SU. Getting to see these characters we've gotten to know over the past few years a couple years in the future, generally at peace with things, but animated with more detail than ever, THAT is the true highlight of the film for me. Naturally, there was a lot of bits of comedy, often relying on knowledge of what the characters have been through, and I felt a lot of bittersweet smiles throughout as this felt like a good send off for Steven and his Space Moms. It managed to work in cameos from basically everyone you'd expect, some of which...didn't work out as well as others (specifically, the Diamonds bookending the movie was a bit forced and weird IMO but they ARE important to the lore even if I find them boring tbh) It was nice getting to 'catch up' with everyone, and the plot itself uses a generic 'gotta save the world again' thing (bleh) in a creative way, at least -- it all becomes an excuse to "re-live" the four primary heroes' stories through song. Cool enough. Something the movie inadvertently highlights, however, is the fact that SU as a series really started spinning its wheels a lot for its second half, in particular. Much has been said about how and why and why or not this doesn't matter, etc. etc. I was just along for the ride. I've repeatedly expressed my personal bias in the series' favor for a long time, and now? I kinda don't really have that personal bias anymore. I still love the show, I still think it's one of the best cartoons I've ever seen. But those rose-tinted glasses are off now. Taking said glasses off and actually listening to and looking up what critics of the show had to say kind of unearthed a bunch of things I had kept sweeping under the rug for the sake of personal bias/support of someone I loved and cared for a lot. We'll get back to that. I say all of this because the movie ironically failed to do much of anything NEW, something the series itself kind of struggled with for a while until it finally got around to the conclusion of Steven's story arc. The film ultimately kind of ends with "yeah Steven can change!" Which, um yea? Obviously. He's a completely different person than he was in S1. But he's kiiiiinda been the same person for....some while now. The weird irony of SU as a series is that about halfway through the narrative, the protag has essentially grown up, done. The last half or third or so of SU's narrative was basically Steven having to cheer everyone around him up and help them deal with their shit, and...kinda just going about that essentially the same way every time. The power of love, the friends we made along the way, etc. To be clear, there's nothing BAD about this, and in fact it's what sets Steven apart from most every other narrative of this type. The protag is almost always forced to change in ways they don't want, do things they don't want to do, etc. But when you put it side by side with something like Avatar or Gravity Falls, those series saw everyone growing alongside each other. There are clear arcs for everyone, almost all of which get resolved in ways fitting each character. It's imperfect but it's varied. SU has a tendency to just...hammer everyone's character flaws and arcs with ONE option: just love yourself and be nice, and everyyyyyyythinggggg 'll work out in the end! Which is fine, but when a story does it for so long, over and over, always the same, it gets a bit weird. I specifically LIKED in the film, at the end, that Steven actually does have to fight, because THAT is what Spinel needed to do. She needed to let out all of that anger, and that violence was her own way of doing it. 'you can't just sing a song to make everything go away' etc. It's typical, perhaps, for protagonists to have to tackle problems in different ways because that's LIFE. The fact is, Steven's approach will NOT save everyone. Lapis stilllll kinda stands as an example of this but an as of yet unresolved one. I liked that at the end of things, Spinel still doesn't come into the same fold as everyone else. Basically "sorry, I already fucked this up too much, I can't really deal with this," and that is IMPORTANT and I really liked it. Before really digging into the personal angle, I want to bring up how fascinating it is that the movie essentially had a real BUDGET and so they deliberately seemed to design an antagonist that would take full advantage of that animation budget. EASILY, by far, Spinel is the most interesting-to-watch antag in the whole series imo, in terms of how she moves and fights, etc. They really just wanted to flex and they did it, but like any SU antag there's (somewhat predictable) motives. This gets back at what I was saying before -- how the series spins its wheels a lot -- but Spinel's motivation/back story isssss kiiiinnndaaaa a lot like many many characters' issues and, like, I get it. We get it. Steven's Mom was Not The Best does that have to be the basis behind kinda EVERYONE who goes against Steven? Or the Gems? Lapis, Bismuth, and Peridot all offered more varied motivations, and even THEN, Bismuth was still essentially in the same boat? Anyway, I digress. I DO appreciate the way the series set up Rose as this wondrous lovely lady and has severely dissected and broken that down to the point where I really do not like Rose, in any of her ID's, as a character or a fictional person, and it did so gradually. A lot of what the movie did was kind of expected. Right? Songs, singing, check. Steven going about things the same way, check. Re-living/celebrating how far he and his moms have come, check. What I didn't expect was -- OK, well, there WAS that one fusion...which, um

But the actual thing that really latched onto me was how much I conncted with Spinel. As is the case with any story that has well presented characters, you can attach to SOME part of just about all of them. I associate most closely with Pearl overall but can relate with just about anyone prominent. I see parts of me and Jenny in Steven/Connie, in Ruby/Sapphire, in Peridot/Lapis. I see what kind of woman I might've become in Amethyst (and sometimes am). Spinel, though, is a really weird case because I see my adolescent self in her SO MUCH and yet fairly recent events in my life -- directly tied TO the show itself, mind you -- make that connection weirdly poignant and present. For some context, I used to be good friends with Aivi, one of the musicians who works on the series with their husband. Spring 2018, Aivi and I vocalized to each other that we considered one another one of the closest friends in each other's lives. We're no longer friends. To make sure this is clear, I think Aivi is a wonderful person, and our breaking apart wasn't violent or dramatic or anything, Aivi just...decided they weren't interested in the relationship anymore. And neglected to tell me this until like a year later. The context is of course not at ALL as severe or dramatic as Spinel/Pink, so please don't assume there's some one-to-one there. But OOF are there some harsh similarities and it really made Spinel's backstory sting in a very confusing way. I say 'confusing' because, as I mentioned, I see my adolescent self in Spinel. The way I was going about making friends matches her 'happy' self. The way I acted in my senior year of college matches her 'angry' self. There was no single person that created any of that, though. In high school, I was like Starfire, in college, I tried to nurture that, play to my strengths. I failed miserably. And what I feel is a big part of why is inherently tied to my transitioning (which is, still, something I feel I am failing miserably at). By the end of college I was more like Raven, and there I remained through the duration of my first long-term romance, into a very weird and atypical marriage and breakup, and then I moved to CA and started changing. Fittingly, my current self can't quite ID with any single Teen Titan. I'm not a teen anymore, after all. Throughout a lot of my friendship with Aivi, they really seemed to fixate on comparing me to Pearl. It sometimes made me uncomfortable the particular ways they did, though. I strongly identified with Pearl's flaws and strengths in personality (though we're obviously different people), and so seeing Pearl go through redemption via self-love and self-acceptance meant a lot to me. "It's Over, Isn't It?" I was IN THE ROOM listening to Aivi and their husband work on the chorus to that song. Obviously they couldn't talk about it but I knew damn well what it was about, and anticipated that piece for a long time. Now it's even more weirdly painful. I met Aivi because they made Mario arrangements they put on YouTube and they happened to live a few blocks away when I was subletting my first summer in CA. They seemed very kind and caring and eager to Be Nice and at the time I really needed that at a very vulnerable and fragile time in my life so I latched onto that. -In The Garden- The week when the LiS terfs freaked out on me and that Bad Spinel side of me lashed back, and I found myself suffering from being gaslit and facing the fact that the worst part of myself that Trigon in Raven's mind that Angry Spinel was still THERE was still ME It was too much For the first (and thankfully, only) time in my life, I experienced suicidal thoughts. And Aivi REACTED to that shit. Strongly. In a way no one ever had for me before, ever. They drove across the Bay to my house, picked me up, had me over, and helped me process it. And in the months to come, as I was healing and coming to terms with how That Worst Part of Me That I Wanted to BE RID OF was still THERE and apparently could just fucking show up, through all of that, Aivi helped me work through things, and we really bonded. In retrospect, though, it's SO damned hard for me to tell if Aivi and I became so close because of mutual respect or pity or just conditioned behavior to Be Nice and Keep Up Appearances. I dunno. What I know NOW is that apparently Cost More than I would've thought. I'm not Aivi so I don't want to really dig into 'dirt' (again, Aivi is a great person who works very hard and that's WHY their work is so good) but looking back, it's wild to see their progression into SUCCESS and fame while I just stood by, floundering The thing is, Aivi was a super busy person. We barely got to spend time together -- when we DID, it was a multi-hour affair and apart from like, Jenny, Aivi is prolly the person I've had the deepest, most vulnerable conversations with. They were next to me when I realized 'oh huh I'm maybe trans??' because they were there when I was at one of the lowest points in my life. I never ASKED them to be there, to Be So Nice and as it turns out, Being So Nice is harder than it looks. So to kind of loop this back to the movie, I wasn't some Skullgirls Peacock Cuphead grinny goof or anything like that but I AM WILLING to bet that from Aivi's POV the way Happy Spinel acts toward Steven is prolly how I felt in Aivi's life at points, at the least. The irony is that we would go weeks, months, barely interacting. But looking back, the way Aivi talked about things, the same phrase keeps dominating my mind: Aivi got bored of me. I wasn't 'useful' to them anymore. Aivi said that day in spring 2018 was like 'the climax' of our friendship, or something like that. Way they talked about it was like...the finale of a season of TV. Our character arc together was over. Even though we TALKED about it, came to mutual understandimng of The Logic behind Aivi's decision to cut ties, I don't think it ever REALLY made sense to me, how Aivi must've felt about our friendship, until Spinel. By spring of 2019, my role in Aivi's life -- from what they have told me, from what I can perceive -- was more like I existed in a separate space from the rest of their life. I was that one interesting person always waiting in The Garden for them to visit when they felt like it Because while Aivi had gotten BIG, gotten MARRIED, gotten a HOUSE, found legitimate SUCCESS in their creative field I was still poor still stuck in retail still unable to find an audience still unable to understand the pressures of Success And OOOOFFF in those last couple years, interacting became more and more strained for both of us, from opposite ends of things. Aivi had responsibilities, PEOPLE vying for their attention, people wanting to hire them, projects to complete, a house, a spouse, etc etc My life was (and kiiiinda still is?) nothing like that, and as our Mutual Creatives Struggling to MAKE THINGS and Get By transforming into Yep I Am Still Here but you are SUCCESSFUL I think that really put a lot of strain on things I never accepted until Spinel. After Aivi hit it big with SU, in particular, they gradually started...acting differently. Acting in ways that made less and less sense to me. They were a Diamond now. And I was still just what I was. When drawing comparisons to characters on the show, Aivi persistently compared me to Pearl. A fact I once took pride in. They repeatedly compared themself to Garnet. Which...always kind of didn't make sense to me. Aivi wasn't really like Garnet. They are more NOW, though? In the sense of how they act, I suppose. Specifically, one of the last things Aivi said to me was that trying to be friends with me had started feeling like Pearl trying to force Garnet to fuse with her. This was problematic because from my POV nothing of the sort was happening. All I was looking for was occasionally hanging out a few times a year. Like. Ya know. Actually a lot less than what I was looking for with basically all of my other friends. And that was still Too Much? But when I start looking at things like Pink Diamond and Spinel instead of Pearl and Garnet, somehow things make a lot more sense. I was probably too clingy, too exciteable, and what amusement or relief I could provide eventually stopped being useful. Aivi eventually didn't even want to spend time with friends to just...spend time with them. Everything had to have some kind of practical Purpose to it, it had to be contributing to a Goal. I still don't get that, tbh. But I'm also not A Diamond. I'm not Successful. The most responsibility I have right now is fucking hanging up the laundry to dry. I have college loans that have and continue to feel pointless to try and repay. I have severe dental problems I haven't been able to fix. My body fell out of shape because of retail hell, and what energy I’ve had to spare from that always ends up going into the people I love, and trying to keep Making Things. Let's not forget The Complications of coming out and wanting to transition but not possessing the resources to do so. (Aivi was actually super supportive of this btw and was the first person to make me feel comfortable wearing feminine things so yea) Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is that MY LIFE is not together. My personality is? I feel like I am finally Myself in terms of mental/emotional stability. And that is largely because Jenny helped me get there. But Aivi helped a lot with that, too. But I think Aivi got to a point where Success was more of a measure of how Grown Up and Healthy one was because despite my behavior, my personality, my mood, what I was asking for, and what I was giving, all changing DRASTICALLY after being with Jenny, I think Aivi still...looked at me the way Pink Diamond looked at Spinel during that song. Like, "yeeeaaaa ok kiddo it's time for me to go now, kinda done here" This is what's so confusing about all of this metaphor/etc. I'm not...like Spinel anymore? My current, post-coming-out self doesn't really relate with Happy OR Angry Spinel. It's almost like Aivi couldn't see me for who I became, and could only see me for who I had been. And maybe that's like why Spinel can't be friends with Steven at the end. It's too painful. I used to take pride in being associated with Pearl because "I'm enough" and "being strong in the REAL way" but now it's more like "oh you just think I'm still hung up and needy and clingy?" which uh don't feel so great a comparison. I can't help but wonder if while working on the movie, Aivi saw some of themself in Pink. Because I'm not the only person who apparently wasn't 'useful' to them anymore. And I'm not saying we should've kept forcing something that wasn't working. Not at all. What we had was good for both us, but it also entailed a lot of patience on my part and effort on theirs. And unlike any of my other long term friends, I often ended up waiting weeks, months, "Happily wondering night after night, Is this how it works? Am I doing it right?"

Years and years of broken friendships, one after the other, most lasting merely 6 months, MAYBE a year at most, with a handful that have lasted since middle school (but which are so much harder to maintain) took a toll on my Adult Self until Jenny, anyway. For quite a long time - the majority of my life, currently - I assumed I just was Too Different and that was why my friendships didn't seem to last, didn't seem to extend to the depths I was looking for. That's perhaps one critical difference between Spinel and I: she's looking for FUN, for smiling faces, for attention, for creating smiles, I just want some fucking consistency. At this point, I'm not even sure WHY I still reach out to people. I don't NEED friendships in that desperate way I used to, back in the Happy/Angry Spinel times. And I've come to terms with that Other Max part of myself and integrated it, accepted it. My worst parts are still me and instead of suppressing them (often by relying on bids of deep friendship with others) I just have to let them EXIST and let them do their thing once in a while. This is ALL why Celeste hit me as hard as it did. Because even if I'm not actually much like Spinel anymore, and Aivi's not really like Pink Diamond, even if I don't actually share much in common with Madeline (other than the subtle 'I drink sometimes to deal with my problems' thing, which I don't anymore) I still comprehend and resonate so much with that concept of just needing to accept the worst parts of yourself and work with them rather than trying to keep them caged up and then they escape and rampage every 5-10 years or so and ruin your life As I felt myself coming to all of these Good Feelings I FINALLY felt like I could help Aivi in the ways they had helped me. That I finally had something to offer I didn't before. Turns out, I didn't, apparently. Aivi had More Important Things to do than visit me in The Garden. And I couldn't blame them. Not a bit. Especially if they had gotten bored of visiting me. I didn't like feeling like a burden on them, either. Can't really argue with that. During the last time we talked, Aivi didn't use the WORDS, didn't literally say them, but I finally could see it: I wasn't Useful anymore. I couldn't Understand, either, because I wasn't Successful. Our friendship was rewarding, but because it required effort. And that effort was still worth it to me, but no longer to them. I was no longer worth it. And despite that, despite starting to feel those hunches, I spent those final months -- as had been the case before, they were afraid to hurt me so avoided actually confronting the problem -- I remained "Happy to listen, Happy to stay Happily watching her drift away" I have no idea if any aspect of our friendship impacted anything Aivi had worked on creatively. TBH Aivi seemed to approach even relationships themselves with more of a logical, pragmatic style -- it was entirely unique compared to anyone I had ever connected with. But if you've read @lis-allwounds then it might not surprise you to know that a lot of what I expressed through Stella and Max, as well as Other Max and Another Stella, channels a lot of these things. I even quoted Aivi directly in the story's end (perhaps foolishly optimistic) And yes, that epilogue moment of sorts is gonna be entirely different if I ever do finish the visual novel. The fact is that we were ALWAYS very different people and our friendship was weird and complicated and hard for one or both of us throughout its, what, 8 year duration? Ironically, I think I took away the opposite 'Character Arc Lesson' they did from all this. But that's just the thing, nothing is permanent for a Human Being. We aren't Gems, we don't actually fuse, we can't just change our appearances when we feel like it, or project ourselves to look how we want to look, or exist for thousands of years. But we DO all have different needs, different ways of understanding those needs, and different ways of needing to adjust or change ourselves or our environments in order to pursue what we want to pursue with the limited time we have here. We tried, hard, and it lasted long enough. If I'm not useful, I'm not useful, I guess? I don't have any ill will toward Aivi, I loved them as a friend and I know they loved me, too, and were better at showing it than most any friends I ever have had. If I'd been better at reciprocating in ways that were actually useful, that would've been good -- but then maybe we wouldn't have become friends in the first place if I hadn't needed 'saving' in the first place, I don't fuckin' know. And I hope my saying all of these things doesn't make anyone think any less of Aivi because your relationship with them is, very likely, not at all personal like mine is. And you know as well as I do how good they are at what they do. Aivi took the time to ease me out of things. Aivi did NOT suddenly up and vanish for thousands of years. While the dynamics of the situation might bare sharp points of similarity, Aivi is not like Pink Diamond and I'm not like Spinel -- not in the present, anyway. Stories help us because they share THREADS with reality but it's always important to recognize those threads for what they are and not confuse them for ropes. And me ranting and tossing all of this out there is something part of me has wanted to do for months but needed to take the time to grieve and process and accept. And maybe it's selfish to be posting all of this, I don't know. But it helps me accept myself and them a lot more. "Finally something finally news about how the story ends" Aivi likely has brand new friends, better ones than me, and I'm willing to bet some of them worked on this movie. And it turned out pretty good, all things considered, probably in part because Aivi was able to focus on it That person I became friends with, she doesn't exist anymore. Just like how who I used to be when Aivi first me, he doesn't exist anymore, either. We both changed, and grew in opposite directions, I guess. We've found happiness and growth and relief in different ways. In the end the Movie helped me come to terms with all of this in a way Angry Spinel younger me couldn't have still hurts yo

"Isn't that lovely?

Isn't that cool?

Isn't that cruel?

And aren't I a fool

to have happily listened,

happy to stay,

happily watching her drift away"

#Steven Universe The Movie #Spinel #Personal #SU #SU Spinel

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psycho-slytherin · 5 years

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Writers’ block (bonus chapter!)

Based on this request by @yoongi-sugaglider. Happy (late) birthday!!

Context: This scene takes place between chapters 22 and 23, while y/n is still living with the members.

Pairing: Yoongi x (female) Reader

Word count: 1.4k

|mlist|

Thud. Thud. Thud.

“Y/n, what are you doing?”

“I’m...” Thud. “Trying to,” Thud. “Motivate myself.” You have a huge creative writing assignment due next week and you can’t seem to come up with the will to even put words to paper.

“Hey, stop it, stop!” Yoongi catches your head before you can bash it against his coffee table again. “Please don’t get a concussion– I don’t want to have to bring you to the hospital at one in the morning.”

“I refuse to believe it’s one in the morning– that would imply I’ve been wallowing in my sorrows for half an hour.”

“But, but...” your friend sighs. “Can you not smash your face against the table? What if you get blood on it?”

“I can see where your priorities lie.”

Yoongi laughs. “I’m kidding. What do you usually do to motivate yourself?”

You gesture wordlessly at the coffee table.

“Okay– maybe don’t do that anymore. Trust me, you need those brain cells.”

You roll your eyes and flip him off. “It’s not like I use them anyways.” Yoongi takes the opportunity to grasp your outstretched hand and haul you to your feet. “Hey, what are you doing?” you complain as he pulls you to the door.

“Put on your jacket– we’re going for a walk.”

“Ew, exercise.”

“Humor me, will you?”

You sigh loudly for about ten seconds longer than you had to before following Yoongi out of the back door of the apartment, through the basement, and into the night.

“Brr...” you hug yourself as a gust of wind shocks you. “Why are we out here?”

“For one, to keep you from abusing our table. Secondly, we can’t talk loudly when the members are sleeping.” Yoongi shrugs. “I thought we could go to the lamppost.”

“You planning on walking halfway across Seoul?”

Yoongi grins, and at that moment the familiar sleek black car pulls up to the curb.

“Wait, how did you– when– what?” you sputter as Yoongi holds the door open for you. “Does this thing fucking teleport?”

“Don’t question it, y/n, just get in.”

You stick your tongue out at your friend and spend the several-minute car ride in comfortable silence. You need to write a twenty-page short story, and the length isn’t what’s intimidating; finding an idea that’ll last twenty pages is what’s killing you. More than that, you just can’t. You want to, but you’ve spent the whole afternoon staring at a blank screen that keeps getting blanker.

Writers’ block. You hate writers’ block. You’re so wrapped up in your thoughts that it takes Yoongi opening the door for you to realize the car has stopped in front of the solitary lamppost illuminating the lonely street.

“You okay? You seem really distracted,” Yoongi asks once the car has pulled away.

You laugh. “Distracted would be a blessing. Distracted means creative.”

“You said you needed motivation?”

“Yeah. I... I haven’t been able to write for, like, days. I don’t have ideas. And even when I don’t have ideas, usually I just start writing, you know? Just–”

You mime wild typing. “Doing that helps, but this time, I just can’t. And I hate it!” With a sudden burst of anger, you rear back and kick the lamppost. “Ow!”

“Y/n–”

But you can’t be stopped. “I don’t have any motivation even though I actually need to write for my grade! More than that, I really want to write, I love making up stories! So why the fuck–”

“Y/n.”

“I’m better than this! I shouldn’t have to deal with writers’ block, not if I’ve dealt with literally everything else. I dealt with my cheating ex, I dealt with my apartment flooding, the hospital, anxie–” you pause. “I don’t deserve this. Ugh!”

Yoongi’s leaning against the lamppost, arms crossed as he looks at you with careful fascination. “Are you done?”

“What?” you ask, annoyed. “Yes. Sorry to waste your time.”

“You’re not wasting my time, y/n. You’re wasting yours. Now c’mon, follow me,” Yoongi says, grabbing your hand and pulling you down the street, toward the heart of Seoul.

“What the- where are we going?” you yelp, stumbling as you follow him through twists and turns while the city lights get brighter.

“We’re letting those creative juices flow!” Yoongi pulls his mask up and his hat down, effectively erasing his identity once the quiet sidewalks become louder, and ring with bawdy laughter.

“Yoongs, it’s too risky! You’ll get caught!” you hiss as you pass two drunk giggling women clinging to each other.

Yoongi screeches to a stop, and you bump into him. “Where– oh my god, you’re kidding.”

“Nope!” You can hear the mischievous smile behind Yoongi’s mask. “We’re doing this.”

“Karaoke? Really?” you laugh as you follow him inside.

“One hour in a private karaoke room, please.” Yoongi hands the clerk some cash and soon enough you’re sitting in a big room, watching Yoongi fiddle with the mics.

“Alright,” Yoongi says, gesturing at the screen. “Pick your poison.”

“Dude, I can’t sing!” you protest.

Yoongi raises his eyebrows. “And you think I can?”

You think of all the Vlives, all the Bangtan Bombs, every song where his crooning voice, that whispered Suga has filled your ears. “Yes.”

“Well, you’d be wrong. C’mon, choose something.”

“Uh...” you select the first song you recognize and grip the mic clumsily. “Why are we doing this?”

“Just trust me, y/n. Let go.”

You take a deep breathe and start to sing along, cringing inwardly at your voice breaks and lack of tone.

“Woo! Go y/n!” Yoongi whoops at random intervals, causing you to laugh and forget the words. Soon you begin smiling as you sing, and belting out the words with new confidence. You’re having fun, real fun.

“Is this better than the coffee table?” Yoongi shouts over the instrumentals.

You do a spin, laughing as your hair flies in your face. “So much better. And,” you grin evilly as the song ends. “It’s your turn!”

“Ohhh no...” Yoongi covers his eyes as you advance toward him. “I’m definitely not doing that.”

You press your lips together and pout. “But Yoongs~”

Your friend relents easily in the face of your pout. “Alright, alright! What song should I pick?”

“Seesaw!” you squeal, pointing when you see it scroll across the scene. Yoongi rolls his eyes and smiles as he selects it, while you sit back in satisfaction. Your own personal concert with your own personal idol– what could be better?

Yoongi’s voice, raspy and thoughtful, floats throughout the room as he sings. Where you would usually sit in awe, you’re too giddy to stay still. You get up and–

“Y/n,” Yoongi bursts out laughing, interrupting the chorus. “What are you doing?”

“Your choreo!” you fire back, giggling as you roll your shoulders and hop around in a clumsy imitation of the dance you’ve seen him perform a thousand times, onscreen and in your dreams.

“You’re such a dingus.”

“Keep singing, nerd!”

Yoongi winks and joins you in dancing and singing along to his song– he keeps making funny faces that have you wheezing with laughter, until...

You freeze and gasp. “That’s it!” within yourself you feel a growing excitement, as though electricity were traveling down your arms and filling your fingers with energy. You need to write, need it more than you’ve ever needed anything, you’re desperate, itching to pour your soul onto the page. You fumble for your phone and type out nonsense stream-of-consciousness: Kidteenadult? Genre: murder, romance, drama? Not comedy ew wait murder isn’t a genre okay what if we wait main character strong female character what about swords antagonist?? Germaphobe maybe let’s name him Pierre nd he can have a pet ferret named Pierre Junior what if antag + protag = siblings? climax needs to–

“Y/n? Y/n. Earth to y/n!”

“Woah!” You look up and your eyes have to refocus like a camera lens as Yoongi waves a hand in front of your face. “Where did you come from?”

Yoongi smiles that perfect gummy smile of his. “I trust your motivation has returned?”

“Oh my god, has it ever! Thank you,” you cry, throwing your arms around your friend and hugging him tightly. “Thank you, thank you, thank you! You’re the best, Yoongi, you really are!”

“Heh, I won’t argue,” Yoongi replies, booping your nose. “Now c’mon, let’s get home– I have a feeling you’ve got a lot to do.”

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scribe-the-write-thing · 5 years

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Where I’ve been & and what comes next...

So, hey ya’ll, it’s been a long ass time. I’m not even sure how long. So I kinda think something of an explanation is likely in order -- dropping off for a while and all. I’ll structure it so if any of you just want to get to updates, then you can! Because I’ve got some exciting stuff coming up in WIPS!

So! What do I have planned?

1) Between the Pines is going to be kicking off soon. I’m so passionate and so into beginning to make this little project. And I know so many of ya’ll have been asking to be on the taglist and that honestly makes me ecstatic!

2) Strings -- a new WIP I’m bringing out the woodwork, will be launched soon. Honestly, after some name changes and plot tweaks, I can’t wait for you guys to meet Warren and Dominik, protag x antag all the way!

3) I need to catch up on VV. If you’ve tagged me in anything and I haven’t engaged lately, I’m so sorry! I’m trying to get up to speed with anything so if you see me reblog old stuff thats why!

4) How to Pirate, unfortunately, is likely coming to a bit of an end. I just have a whole lot of associations with that story that, well, writing it makes me sad now. And I just don’t want to have to deal with that. HOWEVER -- there is a ‘rebirth’ of sorts in a new pirate WIP I have cooking, and some characters (Jess, at least) may resurface there. Those of you who were interested in How to Pirate, would you like to be tagged in that now? ^.^” it’s totally understandable if not, since it’s a revamp entirely. (Just gonna tag everyone still on that list: @quilloftheclouds @ps-nippets @graceomeallain @cawolters )

ALSO QUILL. KNOW THAT MOODBOARD I PROMISED YOU MONTHS AGO? Yeah I’M GONNA BE WORKING ON THAT NOW I PROMIS. I just needed the MOTIVATION.

Anyway, that’s it for the plan! In the mean time, anyone who sees this, I’d love to hear what ya’ll have been up to while I’ve been out, so let me know if you want!

[Hoh, last warning here before you go on. This is all about where I’ve been for a little while.

Trigger warning here: suicide mention, depression, all that dark stuff~ I’d recommend maybe just reading the part above the cut if that kind of stuff gets to you.]

So, what’s been happening with me?

A lot of scary stuff in a very short amount of time. I’m going to try and keep it short and less personal because it’s a sort of raw topic for me still but -- long story short, I ended up considering ending my own life. This isn’t the first time I’ve thought about it; it’s a nearly constant thought I always push to the back of my mind. This is the second time, however, that I’ve come close to actually doing it -- upon telling a friend, though, I was directed towards Samaritans(nothing religious, just an amazing organisation) and I spent two hours on call with them. I was talked down -- and the woman on the end said something, after I mentioned that I’m trying therapy, CBT, positive thinking, ect, that I’m trying to instil in myself-

“You’re doing everything you can to help yourself. You’ve found the right path, you just need to keep heading down it..”

I reached out to some good friends. Two, to be exact -- one I contacted during the heat of my most awful thoughts and she halted everything to speak with me, and then hook me up with the hotline I mentioned.

The second I spoke to after. We settled and we talked and she made me feel more validated and wanted than I have in a long time. I was able to sleep that night (or, well, not straight away because we stayed up hella late both my time and hers) knowing that I mattered. At least to the ones I loved -- and that’s all I needed. She knows who she is and she’ll probably read this asdfghkkshf so Hi and keep the fresh memes coming.

They were the only two I felt comfortable talking to -- and that’s important. I learned then that you don’t need to explain yourself to everyone. No one is obligated to open up to everyone. In my case, only the people I feel need to know actually know the intimacies of what happened; there’s a lot I don’t feel comfortable going into in a tumblr post as a heck of a lot of people can see this.

I opened up to a third this morning -- and in turn, found even more support. It’s what pushed me to this so I can claw myself out of my funk a little.

Also, dark humour? Still my coping mechanism. But I’ll address that another day.

I guess my point of including this is that you always have someone out there. It’s never too late; and you’re wonderfully talented, loved and you all have so much ahead of you.

#violetvineyard #update #personal #glad to be back ya'll #gonna try and stick around this time

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auideas · 7 years

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Ask the Admins 10.0

@genosha-meiuqer: This is to Admin M -- Out of curiosity, do you drive anything like a War Boy?

M: Yes. That is actually a problem I have irl. I drive far too fast. Haven’t gotten pulled over yet though! (knock on wood)

Anon asked: Describe yourself in one adjective.

Chamomile: Talkative

M: Witty

Syren: Enthusiastic

Jynn: Resilient

Vox: Amiable

Anon asked: Do you have other sister blogs or affiliate blogs about writing? Or maybe you can rec us other writing blogs? Not that auideas is not awesome, loving this blog! Just, you know, want to follow other blog. Thanks! Loving your aus btw!

Chamomile: We have @nsfw-auideas, which has been inactive for a while since I became uncomfortable running it and the other admins sort of dropped of….but for blogs that inspire me, I always love @writing-prompt-s because they give me ideas for prompts with their prompts (if that makes sense, lmao) and also from fanfiction/fanart. I get //so// much inspiration from fanfiction/fanart.

M: Yeah we have our NSFW blog, but that’s pretty much it, and I don’t really have a lot of time at the moment to look at other blogs, so this is definitely one for the other admins to answer.

Syren: I second what Chamomile mentioned, and I also get a lot of inspiration from @inell who is a writing machine in the Sterek fandom. It's insane how many stories she churns out, and they often help me mindlessly brainstorm, if that makes any sense??

Jynn: I get a lot of inspiration from @otpprompts!

Vox: @otpprompts and @writing-prompt-s are two other really great prompt blogs! ( ≧▽≦)

Anon asked: curious about the new assistant admins. mind doing information pages for them like you did for the admins?

Chamomile: Here’s all of our pages: Chamomile // M // Syren // Jynn // Vox

Anon asked: When I'm grown, a martyr I will never be. I won't cry for you. I won't suffer for the things you do. I won't cry for you, see. Even though I understand you, Kankri.

Chamomile: this is a sin

M: get outta here

Syren: *Castiel voice* I don't understand that reference.

Jynn: I had to actually go back and find this song again for Chamomile so I just have to say how dare you make me relive that.

Vox: This ask has 6een marked as triggera6le and will 6e taken d9wn by Kankri Vantas. (ง •̀_•́)ง

Anon asked: So I know that this blog is SFW, but do you mind if I use your prompts in a NSFW story?

Chamomile: That’s totally fine! Whatever you do with our prompts is totally up to you.

M: ^^^^^

Anon asked: Have you decided what theme you'll be using? I remember a while back one of the admins asked what the followers think about the current theme.

Chamomile: Oh yeah, we got this solved a long while back. If anybody has a theme that they think is really nice and that we should try out, then send it to us!

Anon asked: What is your opinion on "Shrek is Love, Shrek is Life"?

Chamomile: get out

M: leeeeeeeave

Syren: I am daily surrounded by meme trash and could probably recite it perfectly if I tried. I am only slightly ashamed.

Jynn: I'll never forget it. That being said, I never want it in my presence ever again.

Vox: You scream, I scream, we all scream for Dank Memes™

Anon asked: I finally talked to my future college roommate. Accidentally ignore her email for a week tho... Not really off to a great start?

Chamomile: I can’t tell if this is a prompt or you telling us about your day but my advice would be to get her a card that’s like “I’m sorry I ignored your email for a week” and then some candy or whatever else she likes.

M: Lol man that did not happen with my current roommate - we actually sent each other our first introductory emails at the exact same moment even though I was across the country. Thankfully, we’ve clicked very well, but I would recommend not getting on their bad side right away, or that’ll make your year not so much fun.

Syren: Dude, I am the worst person at communicating possibly ever. I have lost friends because I forget to reply to them for months, no joke. I've found the best way to make it up is to be as sincere with your apology as possible. I've learned not to make excuses. Don't sweat it!

Jynn: I'm glad you reached out to your roommate, good job! I'd go with Chamomiles card and candy idea.

Vox: -looks at the messages I have in Line that are months old- -l a u g h s- Oh honey.

Anon asked: Do you (admins and assistants) know how to make gifs? Also, how do you pronounce "gifs"? "Jifs" or "gifs".

Chamomile: I have no clue on how to make a gif, and I pronounce it like “gift” without a “t”.

M: Gifs. Hard G. I will fight you on this.

Syren: I have no clue how to make a gif, though I've been thinking about learning (barely any gifs out there for When We Rise). Hard g.

Jynn: There are tons of gif makers online, I also have an app for that. I pronounce it “Gif” with a hard G

Vox: I LOVE making gifs!! They’re super fun. Also I use both alternatively.

Anon asked: how do the admins like the new assistants? And how do the assistants like the admins?

Chamomile: I think they’re pretty great! Everybody has been really good with getting their prompts in the drafts so admin m and I can approve them. No real problems.

M: Two thumbs up from me! I can now feel more stress about my school and social life than about this darn blog...

Syren: They're all generally fabulous people and make me feel welcomed. I'm the youngest of the bunch, but that doesn't change anything. Also, I have a habit for apologizing for everything, and they always assure me that it's all good and that they've all been there.

Jynn: Chamomile, Em, and I have actually all been friends for upwards of a couple years now, and I've contributed to the blog here and there before so it hasn't been super different for me tbh.

Vox: If I could put emojis into replies, this right here would just be a string of sparkles and hearts. Everyone’s been really nice!!

Anon asked: I haven't been on this site since forever and I just got back. Nice to see more prompts that I can add to my growing list of things I want to try writing :) (Also, "Runaway" and "So Sad, So Sad" are some of my favorite songs! :D )

Chamomile: Eeeeee! Thanks for loving the blog! Also I know right, I have some pretty good music taste if I do say so myself ;)

Anon asked: Knowing that someone else uses Japanese emoticons makes me really happy. ＼＼\ (۶ÒワÒ)۶//／／ Where do you get yours from, Vox? An app, website, or other?

Vox: Yaaaaa, kaomoji are super funnnnn!! ☆⌒(*＾-°)v I have a Japanese keyboard on my phone so I automatically have a bunch of them readily available.

Anon asked: Choose five of the blog's followers that you've talked to a fair amount and say what story genre you think they would be a character in, and if they would be a protag or antag.

Chamomile: Instead of choosing just five, I went with all of them. Here’s the link

M: I willllllll do this over break - expect a post on my admin blog!

Anon asked: If life was a standardized test, you would be "Answer B" because I always turn to you when I don't know what to do.

Chamomile:....that’s actually really sweet?

M: Omfg.

Syren: This would be really cute if the thought of standardized tests didn't throw me into a panic over upcoming midterms, SATs, and ACTs

Jynn: Awwwwww!

Vox: I’m in various stages of oh god and that’s so sweet and lol my name is actually Bee so this is kind of great, are you flirting with me anon, winkwink. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Anon asked: What do you call a flirty Greek? A Socratease

Chamomile: The King of flirty Greeks is Mithridatetease (Mithridates)

M: Get out.

Syren: As long as they don't have an Oedipus complex, they can tease all they want

Jynn: More like MithriDATEs

Vox: Has war flashbacks to Greek myth lectures. Sweats nervously.

@all-made-of-stardust asked: So I love your blog, and I especially love all your Never Book quotes. I was wondering - what's your policy on using those quotes? Can I directly use the whole quote? Should I change it a bit? Should I not use it at all? There's several quotes I have been thinking about using, and I just wanted to make sure I was doing it right.

Chamomile: hey there! This is a pretty popular question, but our policy is that you can change it however you want (adding in words, changing pronouns, etc.) but don’t repost it anywhere without crediting us. Cutting our parts is also totally fine. If you write something inspired by TNB, or has a TNB quote in it, make sure to shoot us a message and we’ll make sure to add it to the follower’s works page!

@ihaveatheoryabouttimetravel asked: What exactly is the never book?

Chamomile: Hey! I’m the creator of The Never Book (TNB) and here’s the long version of how/why I created it (link), but the short version is that TNB is supposed to be a collection of writing prompts to help inspire you to write. Some of them are very dramatic, while other ones are humorous, and other ones are meant to be cliffhangers that make you want to write what happens next. The name “The Never Book” is supposed to imply that all of these quotes come from a story that has never been written, meaning that they’re free game for prompts as well as to make stories out of.

Note: I’ve entertained the idea of trying to write a piece of fiction with a ton of TNB quotes crammed into it. Might try to get around to that if anybody is interested.

Anon asked: Is it okay to Writer's Block shame a friend who has an almost complete first chapter for 57 different fanfiction pieces???

Chamomile: #me

M: Shame us all

Syren: I'm too fragile to be bombarded like this

Jynn: I'm being called out.

Vox: First of all how dare, it’s only 56. (ง •̀_•́)ง

anon asked: tbh between chamomile and m i really thought that chamomile was younger. i have been surprised but not unpleasantly so

Chamomile: I’m definitely shorter and rounder than admin m, but I’m older by like, a year and a half? Something like that?

M: I am the alpha.

anon asked: assistant admins, what’s your favorite ice cream flavor?

Syren: Blue Moon (it's an upper Midwest thing I guess)

Jynn: Chocolate

Vox: Mint chocolate chip

#admin m #admin chamomile #admin syren #admin jynn #admin vox #ask the admins #ata #faq #this has been a public broadcast #long post

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