#like once you get past all her justifications is this not what a lot of her thinking comes down to?

[junebugtwin]

inspired by @spaghettiandart ‘s little experiment with a character ai ‘forcing Taylor to see a psychologist’ because I thought it slapped. 

#had a lot of fun on this one boys #good stress relief #i liked the poem thingy because it felt like it really cut to the core of Taylors thought process #like once you get past all her justifications is this not what a lot of her thinking comes down to? #this is too good to be true #this is a trap #over and over again #worm #parahumans #taylor hebert #skitter #weaver #my art

[neptuneiris]

detachment (03/03)

with detachment, we see our mistakes honestly, make amends and start afresh.

pairing: prince!aemond × niece!reader

summary: aemond not only breaks your heart after so many love promises, he also breaks his betrothal to you without any justification and announces his betrothal to a baratheon girl. now you will be married soon too.

word count: 8.5k

previous part • series masterlist

thank you so much for joining me and giving your support to this short story. there will be no epilogue, this is the end, so i hope you enjoy it very much, love you all. see you in the next stories🥺❤

"You look too happy, my Lady."

"I say the same of you, my Lord."

Lord Cregan smiles softly in your direction, without both stopping dancing and without ceasing to be the center of attention of some of the nobles still remaining in their seats and your family as well.

Even though there are more people around you both also dancing, the center of the huge Room gradually adding of more people to dance, still you feel many attentive looks on you and your betrothed.

"Well, we would draw a lot of attention if we weren't dancing and smiling, my princess. This is all in our honor."

You smile, lowering your gaze for a moment.

"Well… then I must say you are an excellent dancing partner."

"You too, my princess," he smiles at you, "Although, to be honest with each other, this is actually costing me a bit… feeling a lot of eyes on me," he confesses to you honestly, without wiping the small smile from his lips, "Especially when I feel like they're burning my skin at the moment."

At that moment you don't need explanations. You know Lord Stark means him.

"I apologize for that," you say apologetically.

"No, it's all right," he assures you, "It's a bit intimidating, too much actually, considering the prince's reputation in combat. But in a way… I understand what he must be going through."

This catches your attention, at once watching him intently and curious.

"You shouldn't," you make it clear to him, serious, "This is our wedding, you don't have to feel sorry for him. From what I told you when you went to Dragonstone, remember he has no right, he was the one who cancelled our betrothal."

"Honestly, my princess… I wouldn't be surprised if at some point in the night you disappeared and left me."

You lower your gaze, deep inside you a few moons ago you probably would have wished for that, for Aemond to arrive at any moment, take you away and wed you. But now… this is a duty.

It's not like that's really going to happen either, not now when everything is already happening. He is present, yes, but it's all in the past and he's getting wed soon too.

"I can say the same for you, my Lord," you say a little amused, "I too feel a certain… intimidating stare."

He smiles softly and denies with his head.

"No. I would never do anything like that to you, princess."

"But do you love her or not?"

"I shouldn't answer you something like that, princess. It would be disrespectful when you are my betrothed, not her."

"No," you gently shake your head, "It is all right, my Lord. It is my wish for you to be honest with me, believe me I do not mind," you assure him, "Besides, I think I know the answer from what you also told me on your visit to my home."

"Well," he looks a little apologetic, "Yes, of course I love her. But I realized it too late. Had I known sooner, I would have married her in an instant."

You can't smile, especially knowing that both you and Lord Stark have someone else in your hearts and yet the two of you are here about to be wed.

Unconsciously your gaze wanders to Lady Alysanne Blackwood who is seated at one of the tables with a glass of wine in her hand, staring into oblivion and quickly identifying her sad face which she is trying to hide.

And you know this because you were also doing the same thing and feeling the same way.

"Have you spoken to her, my Lord?"

You turn your gaze to Lord Stark, asking him softly.

"She said she is happy for me and wishes me a loving and pleasing marriage," he tells you also trying to hide his pain on his face and in his tone, avoiding looking to where Lady Blackwood is now sitting.

"I'm very sorry."

"No princess, you had nothing to do with it," he assures you instantly, "You don't have to apologize and feel responsible, just as I have nothing to do with what happened between you and your uncle."

"Then why do I feel that if my uncle or I finally do something about our union, you'd be all right with it?" you ask him curiously, "You wouldn't be upset and turn on my family if I leave and make a fool of you after so much?"

"Well…" he thinks about it for a moment, " I would feel a little humiliated? Yes. But to be honest, if I were him and I was seeing the woman I love marrying someone else… I would wish things in my favor and no matter what, I would take her away from here and marry her in a heartbeat."

"That is what you would do even for when we are already in these circumstances and everyone expects us to marry soon?"

Lord Cregan looks at you with a small amused smile and a somewhat questioning look.

"Are you trying to say that's what you would do, my princess?"

"I spoke in supposition, my Lord," you explain, "What if we were in other circumstances. As for instance that this wedding is happening against my will, with a person I do not wish to marry and where…. the person I love also loves me."

"Princess, it is improper what I will say and it is not gentlemanly of me, especially since I truly mean no disrespect—

"It's all right," you assure him again softly, "Speak freely, my Lord."

"Well… since you put it that way and apparently we're both on the same page… yes," he confesses with a soft look, "I would too."

You frown slightly.

"But I never said I—

"It doesn't need to be said and I know I don't know you too well, my princess. But I know you would too."

He smiles softly at you, as you watch him silently, saying absolutely nothing, thinking about his words.

"I have heard the stories of your mother and father. All of them have come to the North, very interesting stories and captivating to more than one, I must say. And knowing that same blood runs through your veins…I am already prepared for whatever you decide to do."

"I am already prepared for whatever you decide to do."

That repeats constantly in your mind, saying nothing for a few seconds as you continue to dance to the music and the specific choreography while Lord Stark follows your same step at all times, as do the other nobles around you.

But truly… what would you do?

Nothing. Just do your duty. And your duty is this.

Between you and Aemond there is nothing anymore. It's not as if at any moment you're going to run away with him, running away from your responsibilities, because you know he won't do anything and certainly you won't do anything either.

It's all said and done, he's getting married, you're getting married and what you once had, that love that existed is gone. And even though the stories of your mother and father still live on… you and Aemond are not like them.

Right?

"No need to worry about that, my Lord," you tell him as you both continue to dance, "You and I, that is what is happening now. He's betrothed too and there's nothing left of what we once was."

"I would not be so sure about that, princess."

You look at him confused.

"Why not?"

"I know the nature of the man. And knowing his father, Prince Daemon, a man who has my full admiration and respect, his nephew, Prince Aemond must be just like him. Besides, he would be a fool not to be acting now that the woman he loves is marrying someone else."

You deny with your head, understanding the point about your father, who also acted at one time with your mother at her wedding to your father Sr. Laenor, but he in the end did nothing about it.

And Aemond… is completely different.

Your father didn't break your mother's heart in the worst possible way, leaving her without explanation, much less just when both of them were already about to get married and have everything.

And about finally acting when the woman he loves is marrying someone else… it's something you don't fully understand.

"It's selfish, dont you think?"

"All men are selfish, I include myself. But the decision is always up to you, the woman I love and all women," he assures you with a soft smile, "Now…." he makes you both stop dancing, holding your hand delicately, " I will know your decision soon, princess. I'll be here waiting."

Confusion begins to overtake you, not understanding anything.

"What do you mean, my Lord?"

He does not answer you, on the contrary, he places his gaze over your shoulder, looking at something or someone specific, barely giving you time to react, because at that moment Aemond appears between the two of you, placing one of his hands on Lord Stark's shoulder.

"May I, Sr. Cregan?"

This immediately catches your attention, as Aemond keeps his attention on lord Stark, who watches you for a few seconds and then nods in his direction.

"Of course, my prince."

All the other people around you continue to dance, as lord Stark begins to walk away to disappear among all the people… and you watch Aemond without expression really, even more without understanding anything.

And when he looks at you, it's like reliving all those moments, all those moments where you both shared kisses, caresses and those promises of love, also all those moments when you were children.

However… he says nothing and simply places now his hand on your lower back to start guiding you towards the center of the Room, you walking too instantly, both of you making your way through all the people dancing.

Nerves invade you, especially because this is the first time you are in front of him after everything that happened, taking into account that you ignored his request about meeting on the island, although he has it more in mind than you.

But everything happens too fast.

You are completely oblivious to the looks that Otto Hightower and Queen Alicent are giving you both, while your mother and father don't seem annoyed like the previous ones mentioned, but rather curious and expectant.

While Aegon… he couldn't be having more fun with the moment, especially delighting in his little brother's audacity and his mother's and grandsire furious stares, especially his grandsire.

Aemond glances sideways towards the table, or towards his grandsire specifically, being very aware that he is being watched. But honestly he couldn't care less.

He's had enough. And he doesn't care that this isn't what they expected of him or that it will lead to serious consequences later, he doesn't care anymore… because he will finally make things right.

"This is what you want?"

Is the first thing he says to you once he has your attention in High Valyrian, both of you being surrounded by all the people dancing to the music, while he and you remain in the middle of it all, standing in front of each other, your attentions on each other.

And his question bothers you, because it is certainly not what you expected to hear from him after so many moons apart and in which he never once explained anything to you when you needed it most.

He simply questions you about your marriage, his serious look on you, while you answer him with the same attitude and manner.

"It's none of your concern what I want, uncle. It's not like you'll care either, just like I don't care what you have to say about my wedding either."

Uncle, not Aemond, just…uncle.

All your words anger him, instantly watching you with such intensity and with his jaw clenched, leaning more towards you with that defiant look.

Then you answer him in the same way, watching him with your chin up and your serious, determined look.

"The man from the North is a good and noble man who will drive you to boredom even before you both say your vows before the Seven, so tell me niece….. do you really think he deserves you?"

"Don't tell me, uncle. Now you're going to say you're the one who deserves me?"

Aemond clenches his jaw tighter.

"You didn't let me explain."

"It was too late for your explanations, don't you think?"

"I waited for you and you never came."

"Well, now you know what it feels like to be left without explanation," you tell him in a bitter, serious tone, "Not to mention that I had to hear the news of your new betrothal afterwards."

Aemond does not take his gaze away from you for a second, not even caring that you are in public and in the open view of other people, especially his family, because at that moment for him… it is only you.

And honestly… you don't care either.

You had been waiting for this moment, nothing feeling more than satisfying than paying back the man who supposedly loved you in the same way, making him feel what you felt.

"Perhaps you would understand why I did it if you would let me explain," he tells you serious.

"No," you tell him serious and annoyed, "Your explanations I needed to hear when you broke me and left me. Not now that you're finally acting when my wedding to another man who isn't you is happening."

He watches you completely serious and attentive, while you are being more than firm with your attitude and your words, even defiant.

"So if you will excuse me… I have to find my betrothed."

Putting the matter to an end, you turn around and start walking away from him, trying to make your way through all the people around dancing.

But it's barely three steps that you advance when Aemond stops you by the arm and makes you turn on your own axis to be face to face with him again.

And Gods… he is furious.

Again you watch him defiantly, more by the fact that he holds you by the waist and pulls you completely to him, bringing another of his hands to your cheek, preventing you from running away from him again, while you watch him seriously and in expectation of his next move.

But he's not mad at the fact that you won't let him explain himself, but at your words, your betrothed.

"First I'm going to burn everything to the ground before you have a chance to marry that fucking northern man," he warns you mumbling under his breath, their faces mere inches apart.

You try to pull away from him, but he only makes his grip on your waist tighter and his grip on your cheek tighter, watching your whole face, your precious face with possession and desire, watching your lips between parted as your gaze also watches his, reprimanding yourself.

"Let me go. People are watching us."

"Then let them see," he says without a care in the world, his gaze possessive and dominant, "Let them see who you truly belong to."

You press your lips together, upset.

"You are so selfish."

"When it comes to you…you don't have a fucking idea. And I'm not going to let you go."

At that moment, both of them are indeed getting attention, but not from the noble people, but from their families.

Otto Hightower clenches his hands into fists and squeezes them tightly with a deathly stare, while Queen Alicent watches the scene in disbelief, not having the slightest idea how to fix her son's behavior.

But Princess Rhaenyra and Prince Daemon... are only anticipating what will come next.

"If you don't let go of me I'm going to scream," you warn him between your teeth.

But at this, Aemond can only smile with a certain self-centeredness and satisfaction, as well as looking amused.

"Oh I would like to see you try, my love."

And then the next thing he does is to take you firmly by the arm and start dragging you towards the exit of the Throne Room, unnoticed among all the people dancing, while you try to put up resistance in an instant but with Aemond's strength it's impossible.

You think about screaming, as you told him you would, but causing a scandal would only be worse, so you let him lead you, who with quick steps makes sure no one follows and takes you away from all that absurd and boring feast.

But once you both leave the Room, that's when you can finally stop him and confront him.

"What are you doing!?"

"I want to explain," he insists serious.

"No!" you exclaim in annoyance, "I don't want you to explain anything! Can't you see that I can't leave my own feast? What is my betrothed going to think? And your betrothed too!?"

"I don't give a shit about your feast, your betrothed and my betrothed, now come," he says as he again puts pressure on your arm to continue to lead you away.

But you put up a resistance again.

"No! Let go of me, Aemond!"

"Don't make me repeat myself again, Y/N."

"This isn't fair!"

"Nothing is. Now stop resisting and walk," he tells you disinterested.

"You're so fucking selfish! You don't even have any idea what you really put me through and now you want to ruin my wedding because since you don't care, you think I must not care too!"

Aemond, starting to lose his patience, sighs and has no choice but to, without waiting for you, grab you and place you on his shoulder like a sack to start walking quickly away from there without further inconvenience.

"Aemond!" you exclaim in surprise and in horror.

"Are you going to behave now?"

"Put me down! Put me down this instant!"

"I don't want to."

"I have to go back! We're going to get in trouble because of you!"

"Too bad."

So the only smart thing you can think of at that moment is to keep complaining and trying to hurt him with your not so convincing closed fist punches, neither is squirming and making his job of carrying you difficult and unbearable, because simply nothing worked.

With your protests being further and further away from the Throne Room, with no one coming to your rescue, though if so they wouldn't stand a chance against Prince Aemond, he finally puts you on the ground as you enter one of the many balconies of the Keep.

"Seven fucking Hells, will you stop yelling already?"

"And what did you expect? You're taking me away from my own wedding!" you exclaim in anger.

"It's not your wedding Y/N!" he exclaims to you again serious and annoyed, "Do you really think I'm going to let you marry that fucking Stark?"

"And what about your betrothed?" you inquire instantly, incredulous, "You don't know that you can get us in trouble for this? Spare us the embarrassment, Aemond. My father must be looking for me by now and he'll put your head on a spike if he finds us."

"I don't care if your father finds us, neither does my grandsire, my mother or your betrothed," he tells you with a certain mocking, serious tone. "I don't care about any of this, Y/N. And I certainly don't care about my fucking betrothed because I'm not marrying her."

A smile and a disbelieving, absurd laugh escapes your lips, shaking your head.

"Yes, of course."

But the look Aemond gives you at that moment is a terribly honest and serious one in which he shows he's not in jest.

"I'm serious."

"Well, tell that to your grandsire," you tell him in a bitter tone, "I'm sure he'll kill you first before my father if you don't do what he or your mother tells you."

He lets out a long sigh, tearing his gaze away from yours for a moment, running one of his hands across his chin.

"Y/N—

"Why are you doing this?" you interrupt him seriously, annoyed, your skin burning and all the discomfort coursing through your body, "Why now that I am about to marry Lord Cregan? Why not before when you left me with no explanation and crying for you with the thought of your soon to be wedding to Lady Baratheon?"

"Nothing I did to you was my intention, Y/N," he implores you, earnest and honest, "Nothing was my choice, I never meant to end our betrothal."

"Then why?" you spit at him, "Is it that you don't want to see me marry someone else but I'm not going to marry you either?"

"Because the war will soon be upon us," he tells you in an instant, serious and seriously needing at that moment to explain himself, not wanting you to hate him more by listening to his reasons, "We all know that my father may die at any moment. And when that happens… the war between our families will begin."

You frown, shaking your head slightly.

"Now what are you talking about?"

"You know perfectly well what I'm talking about," he says taking a few more steps towards you, "Your mother is the Heir, we know that, but still… she is a woman and she will have a lot of people against her by the time comes."

"Many people or your mother and grandsire specifically?" you ask him expectantly.

Aemond lets out a long breath.

"Aegon is the first born son, everyone will expect him to be the next King."

"Aegon is a fucking drunk who doesn't even care about the Throne, Aemond!"

You exclaim absurdly to him, sick of this.

"He has said countless times that he is not interested in the crown and does not want to rule, but it is your grandsire who keeps insisting and wanting to take total control of everything on his own whim and for his own ambition, denigrating my mother knowing very well that my grandsire has named her Heir and has never, not even consciously, said that he wishes Aegon to succeed him! " you tell him incredulously, "And not only him, your mother is also against mine, letting herself be led by everything your grandsire tells her."

"And what is going to happen when your mother sits on the Throne, hmm?" he inquires you as well, "She can order to kill me and all my family because of the pressure of the people by having not only one, but three sons of the King, where none succeeded the crown."

All the confusion invades your face instantly, staring at him in disbelief and as if you can't believe it for even him, Aemond Targaryen, being the intelligent man he is, to think such a thing, about to retort but he continues to speak.

"Do you really think that even so if we had married, your family and I would begin to get along?"

He inquires you, incredulously and your breath catches.

"It's not that I don't want to Y/N, it's that I can't. What kind of sister cares more about some supposed lies to a maimed eye? If she had no sympathy for me at the time, less will she have for when the people reveal themselves against her and she wants to secure her Throne."

"Seven Hells," you mutter incredulously.

"I know Aegon isn't cut out to rule, but at least with him on the Throne he secures my life, Helaena's, Daeron's and my niece and nephew's."

"So is the idea of me and my entire family being killed better?" you ask him bitterly, "All this nonsense is what your grandsire and mother have been telling you all this time? Turning you, my uncles and my aunt against your own sister? Don't you realize how sick with ambition and power that is? Is this why you canceled our betrothal?"

You don't need to hear the answer to that, you already know it. But he only confirms it when he doesn't say anything to you and with a sorrowful look, looks away from you for a moment, to which you don't know whether to laugh or cry.

You honestly can't believe it.

You knew that Otto Hightower hates your entire family but not with such fervor to the point of interfering in his own grandson's life, not giving him the chance to truly marry for love.

And destroying his thoughts about you and your mother for his own ideologies and for his own lust for power to put Aegon on the Throne.

Otto is even capable of turning all the common people against your mother out of envy, not only being enough to marry his only daughter to the king, taking advantage of the pain of others and securing his position even more.

You truly hate that man and also Alicent Hightower for letting himself get led and turn his children against his own sister with lies, being that she once loved your mother and yet was led by her father to hate her simply because of her freedom to be princess and being named by the king the Heir to the Throne.

"My mother has never, not even when she was named Heir and Aegon was born, thought in such a way about you."

You make it clear to her in a serious and more than offended voice.

"All she has wanted has been, even since you and I were children, to keep the peace between our families, even proposing to marry Jace to Hel and give you a dragon egg to you, but your mother turned her down at every opportunity because of your grandsire disgusting ideas."

You tell him annoyed, serious.

"She couldn't even recently stand the thought of marrying you to me, blinded by hatred and feeding you too that same hatred to hate her. And I understand what happened years ago, I understand that my mother is not to your liking, but she truly regrets having acted as she did in understanding your mother's position, she being the first to support us with our betrothal," you remind him in a bitter tone.

Aemond watches you completely attentively, without saying anything, with his lips pressed together.

"So tell me Aemond…. if she really plans to kill you and your entire family, then why would she go to the effort of uniting our families and supporting our betrothal?" you inquire, "Do you think it's all a strategy? Because I assure you that my mother with all she has to deal with in Court, being judged at every turn for being a woman, especially by your grandsire, would not waste herself with all those attempts to ultimately become a kinslayer."

And then… Aemond feels as if a huge weight has fallen on his stomach, leaving him for a moment without air.

He continues to watch you with a expressionless gaze, when inside he is thinking completely about your words, while you watch him firmly for your words, knowing perfectly well that you are right.

And that's the truth, Aemond also thinks you are right.

Kinslayer.

A sin.

A word and an action that makes you a disgrace to the entire Targaryen dynasty. A curse to your name and in which you will be remembered forever, as Visenya Targaryen was once called, though this is only a supposition.

But this word Aemond knows really well, as do you from the stories. And considering your mother's position and the one who will become Queen of the Seven Kingdoms, you know that your mother could never be called that if she is truly committed to her reign.

And she is, you know your mother really is and Aemond knows it too, despite how much that makes him furious, but for his grandsire and his mother's ideas, reminding him that then Lucerys inherits all of Driftmark and he... inherits nothing.

Or at least, now he inherits nothing.

For had he married you, you being the second born daughter of the Heir, Dragonstone is your castle and that would have been home to both of you.

Aemond considers that Rhaenyra can probably have them killed… accidentally as well.

But you… seeing you now in front of him after so many moons apart and after all that happened, he still trusts you and really believes in what you have told him.

What purpose would Rhaenyra really have had in marrying her daughter to her half-brother and then killing him? It doesn't make any sense.

And just as every mother cares for the happiness of her children, Aemond knows he was your happiness and your mother would never do that to you. And you… seeing that he says absolutely nothing to you, you can only watch him with a somewhat satisfied look, nodding slightly in his direction.

"That's what I thought," you mutter to him without much emotion.

And the next thing you do, you turn away from him and start heading towards the balcony exit to return to your feast, leaving him behind, assuming you've already said everything you wanted to say to each other. But again Aemond doesn't let you go so easily and stops you.

"I want to wed you."

And to your bad luck, you really can't put up any resistance and turn to him again, with a bitter look on your face and feeling again what it might have been when you heard his words.

"You were already going to wed me, remember?"

"All right, you're right,' he tells you serious, letting out a long sigh, "I should not have done what I did to you, I should not have listened to my grandsire words, nor should I have accepted my betrothal to the daughter of Lord Borros."

"It is too late now, Aemond."

"I'm not marrying her, Y/N."

"Oh and you're seriously going to go against your grandsire?" you inquire not really believing it.

"I don't fucking care about my grandsire, Y/N!" he insists annoyed, quickly heading towards you, "He can fuck himself as well as his alliance with Lord Borros, I really don't care about him and neither do I care about my mother. All I want, all I've ever wanted… is you."

You snort, turning your gaze away from him for a moment, to again stare at him incredulously.

"And what is going to happen when the King dies?"

You ask, expectantly.

"Now you know that my mother has never thought nor will she ever harm you, your brothers, let alone Hel or her children, besides she is the true Heir… who assures me that the first thing you will do is support the right side and not support the idea of usurping my mother?" you question him, "Do you think I want you and I to live at war too? That we will eventually start hating each other by supporting two different sides?

"And what do you want me to do, Y/N?" he asks you in the same way, "I understand about my brothers and Helaena, but who assures me that your mother won't go for mine's head? She is my mother after all, I can't leave her alone."

"She won't do anything to your mother, Aemond!" you exclaim in exasperation, "The two of them loved each other as children, my mother hasn't forgotten how much she held her in high esteem in spite of everything and you think she would dare to hurt her? Think Aemond and forget everything your grandsire has told you!" you exclaim, "It is your grandsire who is doing all this, separating us, creating rivalry and hatred, it is for him that my mother will go if he does something against her, not for anyone else."

You make it more than clear to him while Aemond says nothing for a few seconds, watching and listening to you attentively, to which you continue to watch him without understanding, to then let out a long sigh and deny with your head.

"Still none of this matters, I have to go back," you tell him without much emotion to resume your way.

But again Aemond reacts and stops you by taking you firmly by the arm as he turns you towards him and holds you by the waist.

He pulls you completely towards him, while he places another of his hands on your cheek and brings his face dangerously close to yours, surprising you by such closeness and stealing your breath.

"Aemond," you say in a whisper.

You show him that this is wrong, but he doesn't mind at all, on the contrary, he brings his face closer to yours.

His breath hits your face, watching you again with that possession and that desire, completely attentive to your face, your beautiful face, while you don't understand anything but you know that if you try to pull away, he won't let you.

Although again you feel all that you used to feel before when he was courting you, realizing that you have never really stopped feeling this way for him, scaring you and making you feel disappointed because again… you must do your duty and so must he.

However, you can't help but feel really desired by him, just like before, all these thoughts invading you as you want to be his, just as you also want him to be yours, watching his face and lips intently unconsciously, unable to resist.

But this is wrong, completely wrong.

"What do I have to do, Issa jorrāelagon, to put all this behind so that you will agree to marry me?"

He murmurs more than willing on your lips, not letting go of you for a second, not willing to let go of you for a second, being terribly honest with you, this immediately catching your attention and again stealing your breath.

But it's not just his words, it's him, everything about him.

His face, his figure, his grip on you, so fucking alluring and attractive, which is what you hate but at the same time is also your weakness of him.

And despite that, despite the fact that even though you don't want to, you're slowly giving in to him, yet you still have some willpower and you don't just think about yourself, you can still think about the other people there at the feast.

"I-I can't," you look at him sadly, "Cregan Sta—

"Y/N."

He stops you making your grip on your waist tighter and his gaze more determined, really not wanting you to talk about him and wanting you to focus right now, on you,

"Just tell me what I have to do and so I will do it. Just tell me."

He insists and you… hesitate.

You haven't the slightest idea what to do.

"If I were him and I was watching the woman I love marrying someone else… I would wish things in my favor and no matter what, I would take her away from here and marry her in a heartbeat."

You remember Lord Cregan's words, as you continue to watch Aemond in front of you intently.

"I am already prepared for whatever you choose to do."

"All men are selfish, I include myself. But the decision is always up to you, the woman I love and all women."

"I will know your decision soon, princess. I will be here waiting."

Basically Lord Cregan Stark… was understanding with you and will already be prepared… if you choose this.

If you choose Aemond too, in the same way he has already chosen you over his family and his betrothed.

Then you think of your family, your mother and father, who will probably be very disappointed in you if you do not return and marry Lord Cregan, losing a great and important alliance with the man who owns the whole North.

But you remember what your mother was willing to do many years ago, when she was in the same position as you are now with Aemond, who completely forgot about the alliance and thought of her, her happiness, by asking the man she really loves to steal her away and take her to Dragonstone to marry her.

Now, knowing the history of your ancestors, how some of them chose love over duty, why shouldn't you do the same?

"Let my mother know what your grandsire is planning, avoid war," you tell him finally, "Kneel to her and swear your sword to her if you truly love me and if you wish me to marry you now."

In other circumstances, Aemond would have thought you are asking too much of him, but now that you both already know the truth, you his and he your mother's through you, he understands your point and thinks it is fair.

And if this is what he has to do so that you are finally his and he can finally call you his wife, which is all he has ever wanted, then so he will.

"Anything else?"

He gently caresses your cheek with his thumb and you, knowing with that his response, knowing that this is what he will do, finally stop feeling tense and let yourself be completely led by him, leaning into his body and his touch, feeling how slowly that weight on your shoulders disappears.

Just as you also Aemond feels that guilt stop invading him and finally now that he has you, he feels safe, loved and at peace.

"Promise me you won't break my heart again," you murmur against his lips.

Aemond gently shakes his head, leaning down to leave soft kisses on your cheek, starting a little trail, making you let out a sigh and place your arms around his torso, finally feeling you too at peace, having really missed this.

"Never again," he finally murmurs in your ear, sending shivers throughout your body and sounding like a promise.

Everyone in the Throne Room begins to look uneasy when one of your guards that your mother sent to look for you returns and whispers in his and your father's ears that you have disappeared.

Immediately Princess Rhaenyra glances at Queen Alicent, who is already watching her and instantly understands what is happening, turning quickly to her father with an alarmed and worried face as they and in fact everyone at the table also notice the absence of Prince Aemond.

The fact of this news does not really go unnoticed as your father immediately orders his entire guard to search for you throughout the Keep, at the same time Otto Hightower also orders them to find his grandson.

Your brothers and sisters, as well as your mother have an idea of who you are with, considering he too is nowhere to be found.

While Princess Helaena in the center of the Room begins to hear the murmurs of all the nobles, especially the ladys as they watch the entire royal family curiously, wondering if the bride has disappeared, also watching Cregan Stark out of the corner of their eyes.

Cregan Stark also watches everyone around him curiously, as the news begins to spread quickly throughout the Room, earning the sorrowful glances of all the lords.

And when Cregan finally understands what is going on, just as he had told Princess Y/N, he was already prepared and immediately turns to look at Lady Alysanne, who looks at him in surprise and disbelief.

Prince Aegon continues to drink wine completely amused by the whole situation, really feeling proud of his brother, delighting in his grandsire's behavior and reaction.

Princess Rhaenyra rises from her seat and looks with her bewildered gaze at her husband, who watches her seriously but at the same time with a certain resignation.

"I told you this would happen," he tells her as everything continues to be chaos in the Room.

"Shall we go to them?"

Prince Daemon lets out a long breath, clutching Dark Sister's pommel that hangs at his hip.

"She and especially he better have a good excuse."

Your mother and father get the idea and are sure that's what you and Aemond are doing now and Alicent and Otto Hightower as well, feeling horrified at the idea compared to your parents.

But before Prince Daemon and Princess Rhaenyra set off, it is first the duty of both of them to bring order to the Throne Room and talk to Lord Stark, who doesn't really look bothered by anything, before going to find you and Aemond.

When the news that Otto didn't want to hear, reaches his ears, and that is that your dragon Silverwing has left DragonPit and they also saw Vhagar flying away in the skies some time ago.

Meanwhile in Dragonstone… considering Kings Landing is not far away and it's quick dragonback travel, you and Aemond are finally joining blood.

All the emotion comes over you, really everything being in favor of both of you calling a Septon who has been at your family's disposal all the time you have lived in Dragonstone, who agreed to perform the ceremony, while the maidservants brought you both the clothes your mother and father wore when they also had their Valyrian wedding.

And now being here with Aemond, it's really happening.

He holds Dragonglass in his hand as the Septon begins to recite the correct words in Valyrian, about to join his blood with yours, being just as excited as you are, but dissimulating a little more.

"Hen lantoti ānogar"

Blood of two

"Va sȳndroti vāedroma"

Joined as one

Aemond directs the blade to your lips to slightly cut your bottom lip, then you also do the same with him and so then both of you bring your thumb to the bleeding part and place blood on each other's foreheads.

"Mēro perzot gīhoti."

Ghostly flame

"Elēdroma iārza sīr."

And song of shadows

"Izulī ampā perzī."

Two hearts as embers

Then you both cut the palm of one of your hands with the blade, and then join the two cut hands so that the blood begins to drip and fall into the chalice in the middle of both of you.

All the while you watch with a small smile on your lips, really not believing that this is finally happening, while Aemond watches you with adoration in his eyes, with a barely visible small smile on his lips.

"Prūmī lanti sēteksi."

Forged in fourteen fires

"Hen jenȳ māzīlarion."

A future promised in glass

Once the chalice is considerably full, both drink from each other's blood, as is the tradition of Old Valyria.

"Qēnlossa ozūndessi."

The stars stand as witness

"Sȳndroro ōñō jēdo."

The vow spoken through time

"Rȳ kīva mazvestraksi."

Of darkness and light

And finally you both permanently seal your wedding and your love with a kiss, finally being husband and wife.

After that, you lead your now husband to your chamber, where as soon as Aemond closes the door behind him, you perfectly understand that look on his face, one of complete desire and in which you barely have time to react as he pulls you to him with force and kisses you with need.

If you didn't feel the same way he does, you would have asked him to slow down… but you are just as desperate and completely crave his touch, to feel him, to become one.

"I'm not going to let you rest, ābrazȳrys. Not now that I finally have you," he promises you in the midst of kissing, beginning to remove your clothes.

"Nyke jaelagon ao, valzȳrys," you murmur against his lips.

I want you, husband.

And Aemond completely delights in your word, husband… being everything he wanted to hear you say to him.

He again devours your lips like a man possessed, not having enough, needing more, not believing he will stop anytime soon, not caring that the whole castle hears your moans, wanting to hear you say his name, just his name, all the time.

Soon both of you are already in your bed, you completely naked, while Aemond just needs to take off his pants, the sight of his naked torso turning you completely delighted, his worked body being another of your weaknesses.

You begin to moan and sigh as Aemond begins to bite and suck on your nipples, completely kneading your breasts with both hands, his two large hands in firm, possessive motions.

You breathe fast, feeling the pleasure invade you, needing more, as well as your juices beginning to drip between your legs.

"Aemond," you gasp, pulling his face closer to your chest.

"Does it feel good?" he asks you in a whisper, licking your flesh, making you moan louder.

"Yes, yes, it feels so good."

Aemond smiles against your skin, then descends one of his hands, spreading your legs wider and touching your most sensitive part, your entire nerve core with his fingers. You arch and moan in complete arousal, as he strokes you up and down being easier for him because of your wet folds.

"Fuck," he murmurs, biting your breasts.

"Aemond!" you moan.

He pulls his face away from your breasts and focuses on your face never ceasing to skillfully move his fingers, delighting even more in your expressions and your lovely face, as he feels his entire manhood hard and in need of attention.

"What? You need me to prepare you properly, my wife?"

"Yes," you gasp, "Yes, please," you look at him pleadingly.

"What exactly do you need, princess?"

"Aemond," you sigh, your whole face contorted in pleasure.

"Do you need this?"

His middle finger enters you, making you sigh and gasp harder, pulling Aemond closer to you.

"Yes, yes, I need it so much," you say as best you can.

Aemond smirks again, kissing your lips, silencing your sounds for a moment, continuing to move his finger in the ideal way inside you, making you sigh, gasp and moan just as he needs.

"You look so pretty like this," he murmurs against your lips.

Without warning, he adds a second finger, which makes you squirm and begin to wiggle your hips against his hand, needing more, as Aemond kisses and marks the skin of your neck, bringing his other hand to one of your breasts, squeezing it and making you gasp more.

"You're going to feel so good around my cock, my beautiful wife," he murmurs in your ear.

Aemond in his fantasies has always wanted to taste you, just as he has always wanted to know how it would feel to have your lips around him, how pretty you would look, completely at his disposal, wanting to make him happy in just the same way he wants to make you happy.

But now… he really doesn't want to wait any longer. He needs to be inside you, now.

Considering you'll have more nights like this, everything he wants to do to you can wait, so without further ado he pulls away and stops touching you, instantly getting your attention, but you watch as he quickly gets rid of his shoes and pants, needing to free himself.

And when you see it, excitement and terror run through you at the same time.

You don't know if he will fully enter you, his size really scaring you, as Aemond watches your reaction completely proud of himself, leaning back into you as he makes his way between your legs.

"I need this, so much," he murmurs against your lips, kissing you, as with one of his hands he strokes himself.

"Take me, husband," you ask gasping, "Take me now."

Then Aemond's gaze turns dark and utterly possessive.

"You are mine, aren't you?"

"I am yours. Completely yours."

"You want me to fill you with my seed? Do you need it as much as I do?"

"Yes, yes, I need it, please," you ask, "Do it, Issa jorrāelagon."

Aemond doesn't need to listen anymore, he places his manhood at your entrance and slowly begins to thrust, while you press your lips together to avoid screaming too loudly and close your eyes tightly, feeling him open you completely as a pain and burning that is not at all pleasant washes over you.

"Shh, shh, my sweet wife," Aemond quickly comforts you, hugging and kissing you gently, stopping himself, "It's all right, all right. Tell me when I can move."

"It hurts," you murmur back, tears beginning to form in your eyes.

"I know, I know, it just happens at first, then it will feel good, I promise," he assures you softly to then kiss you again, taking all the time he needs with you, really not wanting to hurt you.

He distracts you by again caressing you, either touching your breasts, licking your nipples and also bringing one of his hands back to your nerve core, making you feel again the pleasure of before, without him moving inside you even an inch, waiting for you to get used to it.

When without realizing it, you again begin to moan and pleasure begins to run through your body, not even when Aemond cautiously begins to move inside you again, until all of him is inside.

That same pain and discomfort returns, but to a lesser extent. And when Aemond begins to gently move back and forth, you sigh and let your head fall back, finally feeling good.

At that, Aemond begins to take more confidence and moves his hips faster, each thrust being a wave of pleasure, causing you to cling completely to him and sigh between his face and neck.

"You like it just like that, my love?"

"Yes, Aemond, just like that," you murmur in his ear, delighted.

"Can I go faster?" he asks you in a growl.

"Yes, yes, it's all right."

Then Aemond adopts a new motion, faster and deeper this time, making you moan loudly again as he grunts and delights in each thrust, feeling you clench around him and your juices filling him completely making the penetration faster.

He holds you by the waist and penetrates you faster, bringing his mouth to your breasts again, marking all over your skin, never stopping moving, as you feel something start to grow inside you and need to be released.

Just like what he is feeling too.

That one night he doesn't just spill his seed inside you once, he does it more times, in different positions, as you both touch and caress each other, seeming like you can't get enough, Aemond telling you in your ear over and over again how much he loves you.

Until eventually you both finish and the next morning, you feel a satisfied tingle between your legs, as Aemond for the first time after a long time, feels good about himself, needing no more as he holds you in his arms, both of you still naked and resting from the intense and long night you shared.

You both wake up fully and prepare for the day, both knowing very well that you both have to go back to Kings Landing to face the consequences of your actions. But now that you're both married, neither you nor he really cares much, as long as you're together.

You finish breakfast, everything still feeling like a dream, a dream you really don't want to wake up from, when you hear the roar of dragons in the sky.

You immediately exchange a glance with Aemond, as the two of you watch through your windows and your mother's golden dragon along with your father's red dragon make themselves seen on the island.

You both knew this would happen, so you were already prepared, and truly not wanting to argue because everything is already done, they both leave the chamber and head out to greet your mother and father, the two of them mentioned ready to demand an explanation.

But before Prince Daemon explodes in anger at his nephew, the words and his action are completely forgotten when your mother, Princess Rhaenyra, watches as her half-brother takes his sword and kneels before her.

taglist:

@strangersunghoon @anehkael @toodlesxcuddles @yourdaydreamerfan @prettykinkysoul @kyo-kxuiote @mariaelizabeth21-blog1 @mrs-sullys-blog @pineapplechuncks @bellstwd @jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels @solacestyles @animequeen454

#aemond fanfiction #aemond targaryen #aemond targaryen fanfic #aemond targaryen x reader #aemond targaryen x y/n #aemond targaryen x you #aemond x fem!reader #aemond x oc #aemond x reader #hotd aemond

[utilitycaster]

on Laura's characters

This has been rattling around for a bit, and I've notably been pretty critical of how Laura's characters have been treated by the fandom, and I think a lot of the discussion of Imogen, overlaid with the discussion of Vex during TLOVM, has put it into to focus for me:

Laura plays characters that allow her to explore a lot of very selfish or self-serving behaviors, as well as the dark side of selflessness. This is, in my opinion, one of the very last lines people are squeamish about female characters crossing - and it's across the board, too. People who are comfortable with supporting women's wrongs often balk at supporting women's uglier, smaller choices, particularly for women who are otherwise portrayed as heroic. Sacrifice is still seen in a lot of women-centric media as the greatest gesture, and works where women are unabashedly self-serving are harder to find. It's why Delilah's nonstop villainy in the name of love gets a pass, but few people look head on at Vex's petty cruelty to Keyleth.

Vex is an incredibly selfish person. She is also unique among Laura's characters in realizing this about herself, and not liking it very much. It's mostly sympathetic - what are D&D shopkeepers but opportunities to haggle and ask weird questions, and Vex's anxieties about money are very justified - but less so when it comes to her possessiveness of Vax. It's very understandable that she feels protective and possessive towards him, but that doesn't negate her unkindness. Vex pressures Keyleth to the point of tears at least once (granted, it was a difficult day for everyone) and pushes at Vax as well, to the point where it causes a small but definite rift between them. At worst, this selfishness - this desire to have Vax for herself - is turned into jealousy of Vax, rather than of Keyleth, so that it can be reframed as in the name of romantic love (which is considered a more acceptable form of selfishness than familial, but that's for someone far wiser than I to unpack). However, even when that doesn't happen, it's often glossed over. The same is true for Vex stealing the broom. It's fine if you disagree with the alignment change decision - I don't particularly care for it - and Laura certainly didn't deserve hate for taking the item of a character who would never show up again. But it is a purely self-centered choice. She wants to fly, she sees a way to do so, and she takes the broom of an ally and lies about it. There's no in-game justification for this being anything but selfish, and it says a lot about her character that she does it, but the things it says are messy and difficult. I don't think you can appreciate Vex's full arc without understanding that it is her pushing past this selfishness. Holding grudges is perhaps the most selfish act of all, of keeping all that hurt to yourself and never granting forgiveness. "Sineath" is about a lot of things, but that is one of them.

Jester is much less selfish when it comes to material things, but she is, especially early on, frequently inconsiderate or insensitive. It comes from a place that is devoid of malice, but definitely does not think through the ramifications for others. This shows up when she's dismissive of sums of money that are immense for Caleb but mean little to her, or her willingness to deface temples despite the risk. However, Jester is, far more, an exploration of the darker side of selflessness. What does someone feel, when they think they must constantly be a light to those around them? Where do their frustrations come out? We see that it weighs on Jester in how difficult she finds it to balance the responsibilities and demands of Artagan during Traveler Con, and again, when she becomes aware of the potential self-sacrifice needed in Eiselcross. Vex had to learn to let go of Vax and her grudges and her need for approval from people who would never give it; Jester has to learn to start taking and putting herself first.

And then there's Imogen. Vex and Jester's selfishness was tempered by their extroversion and empathy, which at times makes it easier to ignore. While they may have self-interests, and struggle to regulate what they do or do not give (in different directions), they do, in the end, like people on the whole. Imogen does not. It's understandable, given the stress they put on her, but her powers and her judgement mean that she is a lot less able to create boundaries between them and herself. As a result, when she lets herself become closer to people, she doesn't recognize when treating her friends as a sounding board might be hurtful or insulting to them. This comes out notably in her repeated consideration of the Vanguard's position. It's fascinating because it can be seen as her trying to understand other people, especially her mother and the members of the Vanguard we've seen. There is legitimate hurt behind Tuldus, Ludinus, Liliana, and Otohan's motivations; but the person to talk over this with is not Orym, whose husband and father-in-law were innocent collateral damage to these plans, nor Laudna, who was murdered by Otohan.

I think people really shy away from the dark sides of all of these characters. People tend to focus on Vex's competence, Jester's role as the heart and light in the party, and Imogen's trauma, without realizing these are all perpetuated by that exploration of selfishness and selflessness. But given how central this is to all three of these characters, I think this is also why the fandom is often so quick to turn on them - they do not want to face how much Vex cares about her father and Vax, or how what Jester needs is not unconditional support nor concrete instructions, but honesty and a willingness to listen, or that Imogen has the capacity to do great harm to those she loves and does so, but these are all major parts of those characters. Ignoring that is how people believe Vex's arc is underserved; it's not, but you can only see it if you are willing to admit who she is at the start. It's easier for them to consider a Jester frozen in the early part of the campaign than the far more emotionally mature woman she becomes because of what it says about selfishness.

Imogen is interesting, because I've actually seen far more arguments of her as a complete monster than those absolving her. If Imogen becomes more unsure at Orym's words and needs a complete lack of judgment to come around that makes her truly heartless and unfeeling, rather than someone who has an understandably if unintentionally cold and strange way of understanding thoughts vs. words. vs. actions. I suspect this is because both Imogen herself, and the fandom, have less of a grasp on Imogen as her own person. And, to be fair, this is true of the fandom's perception of Vex and Jester; they just had better in-universe senses of self. But I'm interested in seeing if the perception of Imogen shifts back to how it was prior to episode 48, which is a more consistent discomfort with the way she puts herself first.

#cr tag #imogen temult #vex'ahlia #jester lavorre

[dangermousie]

We got no Silla bits today but the ep was still amazing.

It's made clear this dude is the dad. Ugh. Clearly, the sin YH has committed in the past life, as far as he's concerned, is making his perfect weapon disobey. Whoever else goes by the end, this man should be on the list. I hope Do Ha (or Ri Ta) killed him damn painfully back in Silla.

In other news, the most understanding lady ever goes to:

It's pretty telling that it opens with Do Ha's nightmare that he's dropping YH off a tall place but ends with Min Oh being the one who does so as DH desperately rushes to save her and not just because if she dies at someone else's hands his curse stays.

I mean, he has confronted that:

The clock is ticking - as far as he knows, it's not he doesn't kill her and she lives a long life and he stays cursed. It's she will die in days anyway, but if he kills her, at least his curse is broken and presumably she gets to live a normal long life next time around too. But even with all of that, it's clear he's been trying to put it off, with the excuse to himself that he wants to know her reasons in the past, but he's running out of time and delusion. This is going to be epic because she, of course, still does not know that he plans to kill her.

But the thing is, he's falling for her all over again (or maybe the feelings that were dormant are just waking up) and what a glorious tragic mess!

But it's so hard for him not to go for her...

The man is a goner.

I mean the relationship in a nutshell:

Five minutes after his snide comments, he's carrying all her bags.

He is helpless in front of her care but having confronted that he can't delay any longer, he doesn't even know what to do but lash out. He could have killed her so many times - I mean in the car, alone! But still he doesn't. I think ultimately he never will be able to.

Like!!!

She has been the sole normalcy in his millennium and a half existence. But the thing is, it's not really just him who developed (remembered) feelings - she is too. Look at this!

If it wasn't for the curse and the terminal illness and all the other obstacles, I really believe they somehow could make it work despite all the insanity, and it is a lovely what-if (with hopefully a lot of therapy.) But alas...

In other news, the brother is on my NO GO list. Any time you are murdering an innocent quasi-stranger with the justification "that's karma from past life," you should go to a prison mental hospital and stay there forever. Preview shows him finding out Daddy lied. Nawwwww!!! No way!!! It's believable he's desperate enough to do things he's doing, but it's despicable as well, and he has no excuse of being a 1500 year old ghost either.

I do love that, once again, it will be the man who is supposed to kill her, who saves her.

#kdrama #pyo ye jin #moon in the day #kim young dae

[tommarvoloriddlesdiary]

Numbers 1, 13, 17, and 18 sound very interesting! Are there any snippets that you can share?

oh my 🥹 a lot to get through! hold on tight 💀

unnamed fic number one also known as spy, has a lot going on 😭

it’s very much inspired by the Alex Rider series (specifically the book: Point Blanc) - for those who don’t know what that is, it’s about a young boy whose uncle dies, and he becomes deeply entangled in a world of espionage while trying to find out who killed him. it’s really good, and they have a tv series out for which season 3 is airing in April - give it a watch! i take this concept and sort of run with it - so Harry is an in-coming seventh-year Hogwarts student who finds out his Godfather, Sirius, has died during an auror mission gone wrong. he knows someone isn’t being honest with him - and he doesn't plan on resting until he has answers. here’s a cut:

Harry takes a look around. What was it that Sirius’s mind healer used to say? Five things you can see?

He sees rows and rows of conjured chairs, a raised platform, delicately floating candles - unlit, and the billowing peak of the tent. More than ever Harry can hear Sirius’s dismay at the lack of clowns in attendance.

It’s safer here, so Harry cracks a smile and finally settles his eyes on the dark, gleaming black coffin in the very centre.

He walks carefully through the rows of chairs all circled around it and stops just before the platform raises. Harry feels the telltale sign of overwhelm brew like a potion just behind his eyes, but he shakes it off, tries to delay it. Harry is aware now that he stands there for a long, long while.

Taking a deep breath, Harry places both hands on the edge of the coffin lid and pushes up.

It doesn’t open.

————

mockumentary, also known as fic number thirteen: triwizard tournament, was discussed a bit here! but it never fails to make me laugh, so i’ll share another little cut 🤣

-

Olympe rises from her chair and towers over them. The camera tilts up until it can’t anymore and still cuts off the top of her head. She walks over to the balcony, ducking to pass through the doorway, and crosses her arms behind her back.

She gazes down at the fury of elegant chaos, a smirk creeping up her mouth. The seventh-year students are gliding to and fro, preparing to leave in abraxan-drawn carriages while the younger years watch on with wide, awe-filled eyes.

She continues, “Zhis year will not be une répétition of seventeen-ninety-two.”

————

unnamed fic number seventeen, also known as assassins, is vague one 💀

when I originally wrote down this idea, it was this: spy fic concept - Tom is an assassin, and Harry is a spy; they keep running into each other on various missions and have developed an unlikely friendship. NON-LINEAR - back and forth between past and present narrative — here’s a cut!

When Tom arrived on location, it was to a mess.

Harry Potter never held any qualms or hesitations. If there was a job that needed doing, and the justifications were moral enough, he would do whatever it took to complete it successfully. Unfortunately for Tom (and the meaningless lives that tended to be involved), Harry Potter’s modus operandi typically included wide-scale destructive explosions or the occasional all-out brawl.

This particular scenario happened to showcase the latter.

Potter was panting over an unconscious body. Possibly unknowing to the splatter of blood dotting across his chin, cheeks and nose like crimson freckles. It seemed that he’d been here much longer than Tom - deep cover, likely for months now judging by his scruffier than usual appearance. That hair in particular.

Tom exhaled softly, and thought, He looks good in red.

————

interview with a dark lord, also known as fic number eighteen, is pure nonsense 🤪 here's a cut:

-

Harry glanced over his notes, shuffling them around once, then twice. His eyes fell on one of the many, many questions he and the other Gryffindors had compiled over the night.

“Would you say your field is expanding or decreasing?” Harry asked.

“Decreasing,” Voldemort replied without hesitation. Harry’s scar prickled with something vast and telling - something that felt a lot like immense satisfaction.

A morbid curiosity reared its ugly head. “Really?” he asked and squinted his eyes a bit at Voldemort, looking him up and down. “You don’t seem to be taking that very hard?”

“Yes, and why would I, Potter?” Voldemort leaned back and crossed his legs, definitely looking smug. “It is not Dark Lords; it is Dark Lord. If my field is narrowing, and I remain the only one, all’s the better.”

————

if you'd like to send me a wip, please do! my ask box is open 🥹

#tomarry #harrymort #tomarrymort #my fic #tag game #ask game #knights meeting #fic: interview with a dark lord #this is so late #i'm sorry 😂

[purplerakath]

MiyagiDo Karate and Protagonist Morality

So when I watched the first two seasons this bothered me and then last weekend I watched everything else (thus far)... and this still bothered me. So here we are.

Spoilers for all five released seasons of Cobra Kai (although I'll mainly be talking about Demetri, Sam, Danny, and Hawk).

Before I get started...

As much as I'm criticizing the writing of these characters, I don't think the characters are bad, or hate the show. I just think more could be done with them, or in the case of Sam they could have started the ball rolling sooner and she could be a better character than she is.

Except Demetri, they really screwed the pooch on his writing.

Protagonist Morality

So I guess I should explain this term. Protagonist morality is where a show doesn't question the behavior of it's protagonists, assuming that whatever action they've taken is morally correct (for the setting). In a video game, you know all those unguarded chests full of stuff for you. The ones all across the countryside and in towns and often people's houses? The ones you can loot freely and nobody cares or is concerned with all the robbery you're doing?

That's protagonist morality. If the game labels you a thief and you get run out of public spaces for your actions, then the game is labeling your actions as maybe less than a paragon of virtue, and giving you reason to think about it. (Then you do it anyway because it's really nice loot.)

So what about the ACTUAL protagonists?

Johnny, Miguel, and Robby are questioned and judged by the narrative constantly. They generally do things right for them, but not universally seen as correct. And generally the narrative is about them moving forward and making less questionable calls.

The whole point of the start of S2 is that Johnny realizes "No Mercy" is a bad motto, because it just gets people hurt, and changes his teachings to match this bit of character growth. Characters backslide, Johnny and Robby both crash spectacularly at the start of Season 3. Each needs to dig themselves out of the hole their in all through Season 3 (Johnny) and 5 (Robby).

So the show never treats them as not needing growth, as the show is all about their growth.

Daniel

Danny is a hyper-judgmental asshole due to unresolved trauma from his youth and it's a problem. But also the show would be a lot less interesting if he worked through all of this in a timely fashion. Primarily the issue is his reaction to "Cobra Kai" just being back at all, and how he never once gets pushed to question if Cobra Kai in Johnny's hands changed.

Some of this is miscommunication, which is the cornerstone of the Unresolved sexual Karate Tension with Johnny. But his absolute refusal to see good in Cobra Kai had a direct hand in breaking up Sam and Miguel in Season 1 and Danny... came out of it believing he was right.

And when he goes out of his way to try and destroy the S1-2 era of Cobra Kai, the narrative never once actively punishes him for his prejudice. He's also never forced to face why he's like this. It's kind of shit but very much a plot lodestone.

Sam

Like her father, Sam often rushes to a moral judgement on bad info and never goes back. Even if she's wrong. So much of her Season 1 behavior is swept under a rug so that other characters (Kyler, Yaz, Miguel) can be her personal villain. And the worst being Season 2 with Tory.

Sam rushed to 'all Cobras are evil' while in a plot trying to fix her friendship with her best friend, she instigated things with Tory, and blamed Tory for all of it without having to think about why she's following her father so readily. Of course, with the end of Season 2 it didn't matter what her behavior was prior, she had every justification to treat Tory as her own personal satan.

Fortunately for me, and everyone else who likes Sam, most of the later seasons focus real hard on having her grow as a person. Maybe not facing all of her personal failings, but she does grow past them in respectable ways. And while her behavior toward Tory is... still bad, Tory is her personal anxiety attack she's allowed it now. (Unlike someone else.)

She also unpacks some of the prejudice she learned from her dad. Sneaking off behind his back to learn Eagle Fang and figure out before Father Dearest that balance is better than pigheaded arrogance of your own greatness. Leading to the Season 4 finale and her mixed styles.

Demetri Hawk

Before I rant about Demetri, I need to explain why Hawk's narrative, regardless of his failures, is better. Eli starts the show with a clearly defined failing (confidence and courage), focuses hard on overcoming it (through Cobra Kai Karate), and turns him into someone new.

That new person is a loud abrasive asshole, but it's a growth arc.

When Hawk behaves badly, it's treated as a start of darkness. As he grows to love having the power his weaker nerdy self lacked. His acts of vengeance make sense as the flexing of power he's never had before. To the point he becomes the sort of bully he feared. His reactions are all overreactions and that's good writing. You understand why he beats Kyler's flunky to a bloody pulp, it's cathartic but also framed as an act of pure violence and destruction. He needs to live in his anger, his violence, listening to the whispers Kreese offers.

Season 3 is Hawk struggling to choose between good and evil, and in the end he chooses good. Leading him on the path toward balance and being better than either side of him before. Honestly of every character in the show his path is the best defined.

Now Demetri

Demetri is a anxious pessimistic leech. He feels he'll fail before he starts, and therefore doesn't try. He rides the coattails of his friends as they become cool and popular and Hawk was right to call him out. But rather than investigate that, he becomes the target of Hawk's new villain arc, and rushes to the arms of MiyagoDo.

Where he proceeds to never actually face who he was, and just... get to be a cool martial artist with a hot girlfriend as the show sweeps his negative traits under a rug and never touches them.

The narrative never confronts how 'it's fine for me to reap the benefits of your hard work' (start of season 2) or 'I can humiliate my best friend by spilling all his secrets then hide behind my badass martial artist friends' (late season 2) were bad calls, because at the end of the season he just... gets to beat up Hawk to establish the full defeat of Johnny's Cobra Kai.

Directly into Season 3 where he's just as aggressive and antagonistic as Sam is, while neither is treated as being 'over the line' by the narrative. Which is all before Hawk breaks Demetri's arm, meaning he doesn't have the extant trauma reason Sam has.

By Season 5 Demetri is a pretty cool person, but as there's no actual focus on how he got there, it feels cheap. Which really sucks.

What I'd Write-

I don't want to rewrite the whole show, and that makes Danny hard to fix. As so much of him is that paranoia of Cobra Kai. Like- best I could ask for is him going to therapy and trying to work past it (and just being bad at it).

Sam the easy answer is Aisha not forgiving her (at least during S1-2). Where Sam tries to get Aisha back, but every time she either says something about Cobra Kai, or Miguel, or Tory and Aisha points out Sam hasn't given any of them a fair shot, and that Sam has no room to talk after dating Kyler and being Yaz's friend.

Bonus points if Sam also gets taken to task for her going after Tory when Tory was working. Because Amanda already got Tory fired once, but she felt bad about it.

Demetri has a similar route of 'best friend does not forget.' A simple 'why should I ever trust you again' after Moon's party would go a long way to rub Demetri's face in what he did, how he was as bad as everyone who made fun of Hawk's lip at school. How Demetri, for one brief moment, was worse than Kyler.

I want all the characters to either get the kind of care in how they change direction that Miguel has, and failing that being absolutely perfect like Devon (the only person to join Silver's Cobra Kai and not turn evil).

#Cobra Kai #daniel larusso #demetri alexopoulos #sam larusso #hawk (Cobra Kai) #Other than this terrible writing call #I really like the show #but seriously I ship everyone x therapy #ESPECIALLY DANIEL x THERAPY #Devon Lee (Cobra Kai) #she's beauty she is grace (she will kick you in the face) #(I ship Devon/Tory now) #Danny is traumatized sure but he needs a reality check too #instead Terry Silver continues to prove his paranoia correct

[kenobster]

Y'all are right. Taylor Swift is a selfish person too spoiled to be bothered about her global warming impact or whether the song lyrics she writes are actually hers or not. Among other things. There are plenty of reasons to mock her, ridicule her, and insult her. Additionally, a great number of her fans will deny all of her shortcomings in an attempt to morally justify their enjoyment of her songs — something which does not require justification — and, thus, there are as many reasons to insist on calling these fans to action as there are reasons to despise Taylor Swift.

But the songs themselves? You don't get a free pass to mock, ridicule, and insult those.

Whether she wrote the lyrics or not, those lyrics resonate with a great many people. Maybe you think they're the dullest, cringiest, most basic lyrics on the planet. Doesn't fucking matter. I find a lot of art to be dull, cringy, and basic. I also understand that art is subjective. What is shallow and nonsensical to me might be insightful and captivating to someone else. Furthermore, art exists on a continuum of quality. Just because art isn't "high brow" (aka appealing to elitist snobs) doesn't mean that it has no meaning or that it's not worth enjoying. To the contrary, all art has meaning. All art says something. I guarantee that at some point in your life you've enjoyed art that is poor in quality, too.

Regarding Taylor Swift specifically, I've seen countless posts (even from people I respect) mocking, ridiculing, and insulting the songs and lyrics of her most recent album which largely focuses on mental illness. Whether or not Taylor Swift is actually mentally ill and whether or not Taylor Swift is appropriating mental illness as an aesthetic for profit, I need you all to understand something very important:

A majority of the people for whom those songs/lyrics most resonate are almost certainly mentally ill themselves.

In other words, when you mock, ridicule, and insult those lyrics/songs, you are mocking, ridiculing, and insulting the things with which actually mentally ill people have identified. You are telling them that they are stupid and pathetic and "cringy" for finding some kind of catharsis from the things that make their life hell.

I am no fan of Taylor Swift. Aside from a couple of her better songs here or there, I'm not even a fan of her music. However, I find it extremely alarming that Tumblr's userbase, a userbase which often claims to have moved past their "make fun of things that teenage girls are probably into" phase, is once again united in making fun of things that teenage girls are probably into. In my social circles, I've even seen people who claim to be advocates for those with disabilities, mental illness, and/or neurodivergence call these songs/lyrics "cringe" or similar — even after reblogging countless posts reminding people that calling things "cringe" is just an excuse to be ableist to neurodivergent people. As a mentally ill and autistic person, I am finding the double standard there to be incredibly demoralizing.

If you hate Taylor Swift, consider making more videos about her excessively wasteful flight itineraries. Personally, I'd even like to see some statistical graphs analyzing her CO2 emissions in comparison to airline companies and other celebrities. You could also make posts revealing more hypocrisies and inconsistencies between her statements and actions (that do not relate to her songs), particularly "feminist" statements she's made that exclude women of color. You could also make posts listing the names of the actual authors of many of the songs she has claimed so that they can receive recognition and praise they deserve from her fans. These are just a few examples of ways to channel your hatred in more constructive ways.

What I do NOT want to see are casual instances of blatant sexism and/or ableism on my dashboard every time she releases an album. You're not gonna change the world by laughing at an out-of-context lyric from a song on the radio. If you don't know how to keep your justified opinions and your personal tastes separate, you're not "raising awareness." You're just being a fucking ass.

#taylor swift #the tortured poets department #not SW related #if you are a mutual who has ever shat on Taylor Swift in the way i'm describing i really don't want you to feel called out #that s 100% not my intention #this is not a problem i have with any one specific individual but rather a systemic problem of society that i wanted to address #i'm guilty of reblogging posts that are sexist/ableist/whatever in some way i'm sure; everyone is #all we can do is try to be better and that's all i'm asking tumblr as a whole to do

[nogenderbee]

may i request the letters I, J and M from the yandere alphabet, for yandere ena and mafuyu? have fun writing!

Of course you can! And I did had fun writing! Maybe even a bit too much... but well I just hope you enjoy this as much as I did! <3

Mafuyu, Ena I, J, M yandere alphabet

TW: unhealthy obsession, argument, death, suicide, abuse, classic yandere stuff

TagList: @bleachtheidiot @prsk-krow @qxmmi @modyuki @m3g-luka

⊱ Improve = Will they be willing to recover from this psychotic state for their lover?

Mafuyu will repeat that what she's doing is simply showing you how much she loves you and it won't be easy to convince her to go to doctor unless you play it off with "doing it for you"! But you better be patient and pick right words because it's not gonna be easy to convince her! But it's not impossible either!

And when she does go there, she'll get locked in mental hospital quicker... sure you get your break but Mafuyu is good at pretending so she goes out rather fastly! Of course still a lot time passes... but when she's back she'll be mad at you, she'll think that you wanted to lock her away from you even if you payed her visits, but if you payed visits, she won't be this mad. But after that, she absolutely refuses to continue her healing, especially that she sees nothing wrong with her behavor.

"Y/N... did you do it to take a break from me? You know I respect privacy and I could give it to you if you'd ask... there was no need to lock me."

⊱ Justification = Why are they acting like that? When did it started?

Mafuyu has that classic yandere troupe... she never felt much emotions but when she met you... she immidietly felt her heart flutter. She knew she want's to feel this more often so she wanted to spend some more time with you but the more time she spent, the more this feeling grew and the more time she wanted to spend with you.

She didn't even noticed when she her feelings started to become a bit... unhealthy... but she ignored them, she thought it was normal as she had no previous experience with emotions.

"There's nothing wrong with how I'm feeling... I remember people saying love changes your mind... it must be simply it."

⊱ Moving on = If you die or escape, will they be able to move on? How easy it'll be for them?

Mafuyu will not be able to move past it. If you died, she's quick to realize she lost you for good... if you simply escaped she'll still look for you but she's also quick to realize there's no going back when she tries everything and looks in all places, including your and your friends houses.

No matter what you did, she wants to be with you, she wants to still watch ove you and the only exit she sees is to follow you in afterlife. So the very night, she'll end her life.

"I... I need to see them again... I need to be with them... no matter in what form..."

⊱ Improve = Will they be willing to recover from this psychotic state for their lover?

Ena will not agree to take specialists help untill she sees how her behavior is affecting you. If you point out how many times she had yelled at you or even hurt you for small things you did that she simply didn't like, that's whe she notices it... But if you happen to yell at her or choose mean words, it won't convince her so act patient, calmly and sweet, and you'll get her!

Once she notices, she'll go to therapist on her own but she'll do whatever is needed to not be locked. She will attend to therapy session for your well being and will try doing her best to recover but if she happens to be locked... first few days she's absolutely furious and most likely even destroys some furniture along the way... she calmls down with time tho. But you better visit her once they allow you for it! She still wants to see you!

She really takes healing seriously so as time passes, she really get's better! There are still signs of her not being fully healthy but she did get on better path!

"I'm doing it for you... I don't want to hurt you so much anymore so... I'll try to recover... but you need to promise me that you'll stay by my side!"

⊱ Justification = Why are they acting like that? When did it started?

At first it was just a simple crush for Ena! But with time... she felt like she needs your attention more often... it began rather casually... she initiated more talks and hangouts with you. But later... she started literally asking for attention from you but her words were rather demanding... And that's when things started to get concerning... she would not let anyone else have more of your attention than she has. She wanted to be your number 1 priority like you were to her! From there on, she was only yearning for more and that's where her yandere behavior REALLY began!

"Hey! Why are you paying attention to them?! I'm right here!!"

⊱ Moving on = If you die or escape, will they be able to move on? How easy it'll be for them?

At first, Ena will be absolutely furious. If you escape, she will not give up so easily and will literally look all over the world for you! If you die, she'll know she has no chance of getting you back... she knows she can't keep the body even if she'd want to so she probably takes some of your belongings and makes a shrine. If you escaped, she does the same but with thinks she managed to get before your disappearence.

She's not the type to just end her life from that loss even if it is tempting... but she decides to stay on this world and cherish every breathshe spent with you when you were still by her side.

"Heh~ I remember when this happened~ this is photo from our first date! I remember every single detail about it~"

❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉

#project sekai #colorful stage #project sekai colorful stage #x reader #project sekai x reader #colorful stage x reader #project sekai colorful stage x reader #mafuyu asahina #ena shinonome #mafuyu asahina x reader #ena shinonome x reader #project sekai mafuyu asahina #project sekai ena shinonome #project sekai mafuyu x reader #project sekai ena x reader #yandere #alphabet #yandere alphabet

[dragonflight203]

Mass Effect 2 replay, Freedom’s Progress:

-How did TIM know about Freedom’s Progress?

The timing is very convenient – Shepard just woke up, and Cerberus is hoping to get there before official investigators, looters, or salvage teams.

No proof, but I wouldn’t be surprised if TIM sold out Freedom’s Progress like he does Horizon later on.

-I miss each character having unique lines per environment. It added a lot of flavor.

-On Horizon, we see one of the Collector swarms. The colonists have enough time to panic. You’d think that Freedom’s Progress would show some signs of that panic – a dinner tray tossed across a room, bullet sprays, etc.

-ME2 spends a lot of time downplaying ME1 Cerberus.

Shepard to Tali if you go renegade: I know Cerberus has a bad past, but they’re the only group investigating these missing colonies. The Council has turned its back on humanity. I haven’t.

Cerberus’ history is a bit more than “a bad past”. And Shepard, you only know what TIM has told you so far. How can you be so certain the Council has abandoned humanity?

-Shepard, if you investigate: Your people really don’t like Cerberus. What did I miss?

Hmm. I’ll let this one slide. They’re curious about why the Quarians dislike Cerberus. I’d think being a pro human terrorist organization is enough, but it’s not bad to ask for more information.

I do wish the game would give the full story about what went down between Cerberus and the Quarians. It just dances around it, and that’s irritating. How hard would it be to include a summary as an investigate option?

-Tali’s team disobeys her and rushes ahead.

I can’t recall – does something similar occur on Haestrom? If not, that’s good character development for her.

-Considering Veetor injures and kills several Quarians, the Flotilla forgives him very easily from what we see in Tali’s loyalty mission.

I do wonder how his pilgrimage, or lack thereof, turns out – does he ever finish it?

If not – well, I suppose he lives on Rannoch or dies with the other Quarians.

-I feel I cheated my first boss battle. I somehow got the Ymir mech stuck behind a stack of boxes and finished it off easily.

I’ll take it.

-Veetor says that the Collectors and their swarms are connected to dark energy.

If ME3 had stuck with the dark energy plot, this would have been excellent foreshadowing.

As it is, it feels like a plot thread that’s abandoned.

-If you go neutral when speaking with TIM, he thinks that the Collectors are connected to the Reapers because they became interested in humanity after humans destroyed Sovereign.

This feels like a weak justification. Any species could reasonably be interested in humanity after they defeat a major power like Sovereign. That doesn’t necessarily make them connected to the Reapers. They could just be curious about using humanity for their own ends, or preparing to defend themselves against humanity.

-If you go paragon, TIM says that the Council and the Alliance want to think the threat is dead with Sovereign but he and Shepard know better.

Again, Shepard already knows this is the official line. Shepard’s an officer – do they have no understanding that sometimes you keep knowledge under wraps to prevent panic or for security?

-Once again, if you choose any investigate options the paragon option disappears.

Damn it, learning all I can is not the same as agreeing to work with TIM.

-TIM says that Liara’s working for the Shadow Broker and therefore can’t be trusted.

Rather interesting, since Liara is actually hunting down the Shadow Broker.

Does TIM believe what he’s saying is or is he lying to Shepard so Shepard won’t try to recruit her?

-I saw a post that speculated that Joker and Chakwas joined Cerberus undercover at Hackett’s bequest, because Hackett had heard rumors that Cerberus had Shepard.

For the sake of my sanity, I will be working on that assumption. If Joker genuinely joined Cerberus after all of ME1 – well, that either says something about the writers or Joker’s character.

-Was EDI always planned to be the Luna AI?

If so, that explains why she’s so understanding if Shepard goes renegade when speaking to her. She knows Shepard has a very good reason to distrust her.

-Shepard hasn’t been awake for a day, and Anderson and Hackett both already have work for them.

Seriously, how do they know Shepard is awake? And how are they contacting them – is Shepard using their old email address?

I presume Shepard’s Alliance email was closed after they died; I can understand why Anderson would have Shepard’s personal email, but Hackett?

-Ascension Financial Services rather blatantly ripped Shepard off. “After deducting modest administration fees for closing the file…”

I was at 9,999,999 credits in ME1. In ME2, I have 100,000 credits left. That is beyond “modest administration fees”.

-Oof. Kelly Chambers fell hard for the Cerberus propaganda. Sweet girl, but not the best judgment.

-Edi says some of her databases are sealed, some of her hardware is shutdown. These might be released under the right conditions.

Is this ever revisited? Edi is freed later on, but what are those sealed databases and shutdown hardware?

I don’t think they’re the blocks she mentions if you question her about Cerberus – she’s very clear the blocks prevent her from saying what she knows. So what are the databases and the hardware?

-Jacob’s colder if you speak to him, especially if you go renegade. Not rejecting, but he keeps you at a distance.

Also, he agrees that Cerberus has been justifiably called terrorists. So why the hell is he with them?

Yes, if this succeeds Cerberus will be viewed in a better light, but why does Jacob care about that? Why does Jacob want Cerberus to be viewed better – isn’t he here because he thinks he can do good? So if he thinks Cerberus isn’t currently good, why isn’t he somewhere else?

-Miranda is much warmer to you than she was before. I suppose Freedom’s Progress impressed her.

-Miranda: We try not to get bogged down in bureaucracy or formality.

Girl, those are necessary for accountability. Do you ever wonder why there are so many “rogue cells”? It’s because there’s nothing to keep them in check.

-It’s brought up repeatedly that Shepard is being monitored. By Kelly, by Miranda, by monitoring devices on the ship… TIM makes it very clear that Shepard is being watched.

#mass effect #mass effect 2 #mass effect 2 replay

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

Hello! I sent this to vinelle and she said you've already seen it, so, thoughts on the new spiderverse? Do you have a favorite spiderperson? Thanks!

I have seen it.

Well, the thing is, as usual, I don't think you'll like my thoughts.

Also, putting in a read more as this is a fairly recent movie that I assume people don't want to be spoiled on.

It had fantastic animation, great art style, interesting designs for all the characters in a myriad of different styles. Wonderful diversity of the cast and universes. It's also nice to see what our heroes are getting up to after the last film, how all their problems weren't solved and they're still in much the same messes as ever.

However, for me, it's much weaker than the first film and not just because we get a "WAIT UNTIL PART TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO".

First, for the part two bit, we get that this is a build-up film to whatever the next film is. We only introduce the problems and don't really get around to resolving them. We spend so much time between spider HQ and evil spot man that we don't focus on either as villains enough to really justify the time spent on either. Peter B Parker suffers a similar fate in that he just kind of... shows up with a baby. He's clearly comic relief again, but there's a very large question of why he's here and why he's doing what he's doing when he has about two seconds on screen to justify himself then uh change his mind, I guess. And from what we saw of part one, while we had some great fight scenes, I'm not sure they all justify what will ultimately be around a 4 hour runtime for both films.

The other bit is that it's a movie that... kind of gets the characters to do what it wants them to do. It's a hard sell for me to tell me that all the Spidermen (except for Myles) are getting together to make every other Spiderman's life miserable because one Spider Vampireman blames a teenage kid for the universe collapsing. Miguel comes off absolutely unhinged and I'm hard pressed to believe that most, if any, of the Spiderpeople we see recruited go along with this (when their role isn't so much to save people and help out other Spiderverses but make sure Uncle Ben dies horribly). We get a lot of justification for Gwen in that her life was falling apart, she'd lost her father completely as well as her only friends, and this gives her purpose and a found family. However, Peter? Peter who is an adult with a child and watching out for his own universe?

We also know of at least one universe that has survived without a Spiderman that is supposed to have a Spiderman (looking at you 42) so... why do they all assume the universe collapses if Spiderman doesn't do the same things in exactly the right order. Perhaps there's proof offscreen, but what happened to New Mumbai (especially given Spot was fucking with a particle collider) doesn't read as proof for me. Especially not for in universe characters.

It's also a bit strange when, from the last film, the point was that all the Spiderpeople are choosing to be Spiderpeople in a very individualistic manner that... doesn't lend itself to these people forming an HQ making decisions they don't agree with.

Myles even brings this up. Why is Hobie involved if he doesn't like what they're doing? Hobie never answers this then uh... leaves when it's convenient for him to do so because the plot said so.

Now, this one might get me killed if the rest hasn't already, but while I loved the animation itself the way it happens in the film is often a bit much. Don't get me wrong, it has great style and I love this age of artistic vision we're entering with animation. However, there was often too much on screen at any given moment (and this is the case with both the style and the dialogue). We'd get rapid fire quippy dialogue as the screen whirls past us, five things are happening at once, and as a result it's almost exhausting to watch. There were a lot of parts of the movie (the Lego Movie reference for example) that felt thrown in to show off artistic prowess as well as to make a gimmicky reference the audience will like. The issue isn't that they're there at all, but that there's so damn many of them. Add into that that we're already in a two-part film and I start to wonder if we couldn't have cut a lot of this.

To sum up though, don't get me wrong, I thought it was good and easily one of the best animated films I've seen in years. I will absolutely see the continuation film. I would still recommend people go see it but I'd tell you that if you're in it for story more so than art maybe just stick to the first one.

As for my favorite spiderpeople? You've come to the wrong blog. But I suppose I'll pick Peter B, you good old comic relief guru homeless man. He didn't do much in this film, but he was my favorite from the last one.

#across the spider verse #anti across the spider verse #opinion

[mangoshorthand]

Do you think Five and The Handler had some sort of a fling in the Commission? I see so many people betting on it.

I hate how the Handler flirts and gets physically close to him even though he's in a teen body, and she obviously tends to like him. Five doesn't seem to back off when she touches him either, even when he clearly not shows the same interest in her as she does in him. But after all, both have no problem to actually kill each other off.

It really confuses me a little, since Five "broke up" with Dolores at the end of season 1, past his time in the commission, and I doubt he would cheat on the one he's been in a relationship with. Five also said he'd been with Dolores together for over 30 years. If he's been with her the whole time in the apocalypse, why not use 40? But maybe I'm just nit-pick.

I really hope I don't bother you with my questions, but it's really interesting to read your analyses and your explanations are reasonable. Feel free to ignore! ♡

Soooo... ⚠️FUCKING TRIGGER WARNINGS EVERYWHERE. RAPE REFERENCES, TURN BACK NOW IF THAT BOTHERS YOU⚠️

In the Mangoshorthand cinematic universe, The Handler raped Five multiple times over the years he was at the Commission. Part 4 of Hard Feelings deals with his recovery many years later, (there are flashbacks but nothing graphic) and my fic The Moth and the Spider goes into it in detail, (in a graphic, violent fashion). Essentially, I present it that The Handler took advantage of Five's naivety upon 'rescuing' him from the apocalypse and uses shame and fear to control him. At first he doesn't realise it's rape, but when he starts to understand, he pushes it away because it's much easier for him to perceive himself as a sicko involved in a violent sex game than it is to see himself as vulnerable. The fic spans the whole course of their relationship, from when they met to her death.

I have my canon justifications for my choice of this relationship dynamic specifically but I don't think that this sort of scenario is implied by the show, (even if it isn't directly contradicted).

Do I think they had a fling?

Honestly, I don't know. I think the show implies a spectrum of possibilities. Here is a (non exhaustive) attempt at laying it out. a) The Handler leverages her sexuality as a means of asserting dominance in their otherwise non-sexual relationship.

b) The Handler leverages her sexuality as a means of asserting dominance and would be interested in engaging in a sexual relationship with him. Five is/was disinterested but knows what she's doing so doesn't really react to her touching/little comments.

c) The Handler leverages her sexuality as a means of asserting dominance and would be interested in engaging in a sexual relationship with him and Five is/was titillated.

d) They once had a sexual relationship which Five regrets and now The Handler leverages that history as a way of asserting dominance.

Were I to order these scenarios by most to least likely, I would say: b, d, c, a I am more sure than not that The Handler has sexual interest in Five, and this is my evidence for that other than her general flirting, touching and comments

There is a scene in season one where she casts her eyes down and licks her lips just before she says the phrase 'schoolboy shorts.' 🤢

The scene in season 2 where she's in the bath reading his file, looking at two photographs of him. She gives a little shudder and kind of squeezes her thighs together in that scene, which implies...🤮

As to Five's feelings? Honestly, he's got a pretty good poker face. There could be a lot going on behind his unphased expression. I genuinely don't know. Here are a couple of indications of his attitude towards her that I can think of:

He definitely respects her as an adversary. He has a tendency to talk about her in tones of grudging respect. (e.g. "Oh, she's good," with regards to the candy tracker in season 1).

He allows her to touch him when he tends to avoid rather than initiate touch with others. There could be a lot of reasons for this, ranging from him not wanting her to know he doesn't like it to him actually quite liking the affection. (In my fics, I interpret this as him having learned to let her do whatever she wants rather than fight it, but I don't think that's what the writers intend us to take from it).

This one was pointed out my a mutual (who I won't tag in a post that mentions violent noncon, lol!) Whenever Five speaks to Lila about the Handler, (End of season 2, start of season 3) he looks as if he might be speaking from experience when he tells Lila she manipulated her and that she didn't love her

I don't think any of these are conclusive, however. They could indicate a range of feelings.

Would Five cheat on Dolores?

Five seems like the loyal type, so I think he would likely stay faithful. However, the reality of Dolores's physicality means she can't meet all of his needs. I can imagine them having an arrangement whereby Five can sleep with other people. I see Dolores as Five's conscience and his voice of reason when he's becoming mentally fractured. Honestly, Five engaging romantically and sexually with people other than her would be better for Five's mental health long term, and Five would know that, deep down. I can see that manifesting in Dolores advocating for him to do it to make Five feel less guilty about 'cheating'.

Also, the 'together for thirty years' thing: perhaps he meant together romantically rather than physically together, or perhaps it took ten years of solitude before she started talking back to him.

Sorry I can't really form a proper argument on this one!

#mango muses #headcanon #the umbrella academy #tua #five hargreeves #tua five #the handler #pushing my fics again #seriously you probably shouldn't read that one tho...

[tribow]

2015 comes in on the touhou community to drop the bombshells that are Urban Legend in Limbo and Legacy of Lunatic Kingdom. No miss no bomb score chasers and lunatic players had no idea what they were getting into and the fanon takes a massive hit. No one was ready for this.

This post bleeds quite a bit into 2016 as well. A lot of fanworks started adjusting interpretations and I was simply lost in the sauce. So anyway, here's my findings:

A new ship sails with Mokou and Sumireko due to their interactions in ULiL. Kaguya ain't happy about it.

I've noticed Raiko (and by extension, the Tsukumo sisters) be commonly depicted with tattoos. I don't know if this is a reference to something or if it's just inspired by metal/rock bands.

Wakasagihime gets some of the saddest works I've seen centered around one character in a while. She goes from being a part of a comedic trio to a lot of social trauma.

Sekibanki gotta be one of the funniest touhou characters of all time.

Seiran totally never killed someone! It's just paste! Don't worry about it!

Ringo collapses the instant she stops eating dango.

At this time Junko was not harassing Reisen at all! In fact, in most works I saw they actually somewhat got a long. Enjoy it while it lasts Reisen.

Junko commonly mistakes Seiga and Kaguya as Chang'e.

What if you place other sphere-like objects on Hecatia's head? A lot of works run with this joke.

For obvious reasons, Clownpiece tends to use a lot of english words or speak entirely in katakana

We are at peak psycho Koishi hours. Koishi getting a knife was all that was needed for this fanon interpretation to take over a while. Koishi's Heart Throbbing Adventure is no longer the main inspiration.

Sagume tends to have a very close relationship with Doremy since in many fanworks, her ability doesn't work in the Dream World so Doremy is a character she can freely talk to.

Tsukumo sisters have fallen under the Aki sisters routine of butting into a situation just so they can be involved.

The Tsukumos also seem to have their dynamic flipped for some reason. Benben would be crazy and Yatsuhashi would be cool-headed. Weird.

Kosozu is now an incident magnet and sometimes enjoys it.

Momiji's sword seems to keep getting smaller every year, I remember when she always had a buster sword.

Tojiko has been suppressing her anger as a vengeful spirit, but this also means if she does get mad, all of that anger comes out at once as lightning. The entire UFO and TD crew have to balance antagonizing each other, but not pissing off Tojiko.

Seija now has a mom. (It's Sagume).

Junko is very nice to the fairies

Tewi gets presented as a badass a lot around this time. Maybe she doesn't want Seiran to show her up.

Sumireko knows who Maribel and Renko are (this is not the case in canon...I think.)

Lots of Watatsuki sisters content here, although they're mostly used for catching up with the Eientei gang.

Lunarians can't resist filthy Earth food. It's just too good....well....at least until Sagume accidentally says it out loud.

Kokoro just wants to fight people, she'll use any justification. It's practically how she talks to others.

Hecatia becomes the weird t-shirt girl thanks to Sanae's dialogue in LoLK. She'll never live this down.

As usual, for a lot of the established touhou cast, their fanon portrayals don't change too much. However, the status quo was greatly shifted by the Lunarians. Eientei becomes more of a plot point in many doujins now and that is much different to how it has been for a while.

Bit of a side note, but I really like how a lot of doujins gave Junko a wide-eyed, but empty stare at all times. Really reinforces how broken of a mental state she must be in despite keeping up a casual conversation with most characters.

I feel this is around the time when there was a bit of a resurgance in touhou fans. Not that it was dying out, but much of the fan content did not focus on newer characters nearly as much as this year was.

#touhou #touhou fanon years #fanon #2015 #2016-ish #legacy of lunatic kingdom #Urban Legend in Limbo #this took so long lmaooo #Was hoping for more Seiran and Ringo content than what we got. They just kinda filed in with the other rabbits #doujin

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

This is a post about my list of media to watch/hear in the past/future. I'll put a cut here for the many people who justifably do not care about my list of media.

Guess what, everyone? I have, for the first time in over a year, knocked everything off my “to watch” and “to listen to” lists. Obviously, not everything in the world that I ever want to do. But everything that I’d started. Because I’d keep downloading stuff and starting it and then getting into other stuff and putting it on hold and filling up my working folders with it. Well, I spent the last couple of weeks determinedly avoiding starting anything new, so I could go back and finish the “on hold” things.

I'll put a cut here, just for the sake of the many, many people who justifiably do not give a shit about my list of media.

It was mostly a bunch of episodes of the Comedian’s Comedian podcast, which I enjoyed finally hearing. This podcast episode my brother did nearly a year ago, where he talks for two hours about his experiences in comedy and how he believes no one can “make it” in comedy without succumbing to the pressure to cut all their stuff up into tiny chunks for Tik-Tok and shit. It was fucking bleak. But I also downloaded episodes of that same podcast by a few other local comedians I’ve met, include two by the guys who run the local comedy night where I've performed; I listened to those last week too, and they were less depressing. They’re people who like comedy – that’s all I want, really. People around here who perform comedy and sound like they don’t fucking hate comedy.

So there was that. I finished off a few bits of Stewart Lee bootlegs (many of which are on YouTube, I did not realize until recently how many Stewart Lee bootlegs are on YouTube, that’s obviously a fair thing for me to mention because if he had a problem with bootlegs being out there I’m sure Lee could get them taken off YouTube, I will say that I’ve come to appreciate several of his shows far more after hearing the bootlegged versions than I did from the DVD version). Finished all the Lee and Herring stuff. Watched Taskmaster NZ season 4 (I meant to post about it and then I got busy with work and I don’t even think I did that – cliff notes are I didn’t quite agree with the people I’ve seen say it’s as good as season 2, but I did greatly enjoy it). Lots of little things.

I said months ago that once I finally get caught up on things, I’m going to start a new long audio thing. I made a post at the time listing all the things I was considering. The main candidates were/are: John Robins and Ellis James radio/podcasts, Peacock and Gamble podcast, the Adam and Joe things, Do the Right Thing podcast (see, I’m not exclusively into listening to two white guys talk to each other in a studio), and Pappy’s podcasts (there’s the Flatshare thing, but then there are also other things – look into what these are, then listen). I have also had Three Bean Salad recommended to me pretty hard.

I still don’t know which way I want to go – I’m leaning toward Pappy’s or Peacock and Gamble at this point. But I’ve decided not to make that decision yet, because I do have a couple of new things, but shorter things, that I want to start first.

I have all three seasons of Alan Partridge: From the Oasthouse downloaded, so that’s next on the agenda. A few years ago, I watched/heard all the Alan Partridge TV/radio things in chronological order: On the Hour, The Day Today, Knowing Me Knowing You radio show, Knowing Me Knowing You TV show, I’m Alan Partridge, Alpha Papa, Mid-Morning Matters, This Time. I enjoyed them to varying degrees – my biggest comment is that Mid-Morning Matters surprised me because I thought it would be a weaker thing, just a little internet show, but it ended up being one of the best, I thought, and Tim Key was fucking brilliant in it.

Anyway, I’ve never heard any of the other Alan Partridge things. And I’ve recently been told by a reliable source that this latest one is very very good. The three seasons combined are about 15 hours, so that’ll give me some time to decide what I next want to commit hundreds of hours of my life to.

I’ve also had John Finnemore’s Cabin Fever recommended to me quite a bit, and I’ve downloaded that recently too so I think I’ll do that after Alan Partridge. It’s 13 hours, not too long. I know very little of what to expect from that, but enough people whose tastes otherwise overlap with mine have told me it’s very good to make me interested. Also, I’d love to be a comedy fan who rejects the Oxbridge ilk for very good class solidarity reasons, but actually an annoyingly large number of my favourite comedians have been Footlights members, so I’ll probably love John Finnemore.

Anyway, on the subject of my obsession with listening to two white guys talk to each other in a studio, a bunch of weeks ago now I made a post about hearing the Lee and Herring radio show episodes that were broadcast live from Edinburgh in 1994, and how that was cool, a preservation of a bit of Edinburgh Festival history. And then I said that’s not the first time I’ve heard a radio-based audio diary of Edinburgh, as Russell Howard and Jon Richardson did their radio show from Edinburgh in 2007. And I’m sure there were lots of references there that went over my head at the time but that I would now appreciate as a person with an inexplicable obsession with 00s-era Edinburgh comedy. An audio diary of the Chocolate Milk Gang-era Edinburgh Festival from someone who was, at the time, a CMG member (has definitely squandered his cred since then, but Russell Howard was a fully paid-up member for a time). How have I not already combed through that in my efforts to gather and preserve every bit of information I can about CMG history?

I said I should re-listen to some of those episodes to see what references are in them, and then I didn’t do that, because obviously going through old radio show episodes looking for gossip is a waste of time when I have actual comedy/comedy analysis to listen to. But as I’ve just said, at this moment, I don’t have actual comedy to listen to. I finished all the old stuff and I haven’t started the new stuff yet, and I think I’ll keep it that way for a couple of days. Give my brain a short break from keeping track of everything on my lists before jumping into something new. Going back over old stuff doesn’t require the same focus, as my brain doesn’t obsessively insist that I hear/watch every single bit of it in order and file it in all appropriate places and check it all off on a spreadsheet as I go.

I realize I’m making this hobby that I truly love sound like a chore, and it isn’t that, my brain is just compulsive about always focusing on what’s “on my list”, so it’s nice to occasionally have breaks in the list. You see why I so enjoyed hearing the senselessly compulsive thought patterns of 2007-era Jon Richardson. That was a man who understood a list.

So anyway, I think I’ll do that tonight. It’s a long weekend, which I barely noticed last year when I was working from home anyway but those sure seem like a bigger deal when I have to be out of the house for 9-10 hours on weekdays. I’ve got Thanksgiving dinner with family tonight, and then I think I’ll listen to some old things. I’ll let you all know if I discover anything exciting.

[jillcfan]

Kara (Series 5) Merlin

I wanted to do a little piece on the character Kara the girl who breaks Mordred away from Camelot in the episode, The Drawing of the Dark. I enjoyed the episode at the time but as I rewatched it, it occurred to me how differently it compared to the earlier series of Merlin.

If you think back to the character of Edwin Muirden for example who featured in A Remedy to Cure All Ills, his character was developed quite differently to those who opposed Camelot in the later series. There was a definite effort to show that he was not all bad and indeed what he’d experienced as a child in watching his parents burn to death, at least showed there were reasons, why he was the way he was. In other words, they allowed a back story to explain his emotions and motivations, something which was definitely lacking later on in the show.

Kara was a character who a lot of the Merlin fan base ended up really disliking, which I think is a shame, as there were admirable parts of her character. Everyone in Merlin to my mind had shades of grey to their personalities, there were no perfect ones including Merlin, Arthur and Gwen. To me, there seemed to be less motivation on the part of the writers to show a back story on those fighting Camelot, as the series went on. It needs to be said once again that they seemed more interested in developing the Arthur-Merlin relationship by that time, so there was less time to show the shades of grey in the minor characters as a result.

I have questioned in another article whether Arthur had lived up to his reputation overall. I am not sure he had and as a result there was still plenty of justification, for those fighting against Camelot to continue their battle against Arthur.  Had Arthur really done enough to right the wrongs of his father through the series which followed? Had he attempted at working with the Druids, to allow them to enter Camelot, as they had in the past? I think the answer is definitely no, so for me there were reasons as to why someone like Kara had a right to question Arthur’s behaviour as a King, towards her own people.

In some ways TDotD was a strange episode in the way it was set up. There seemed to be this willingness to show Kara in a truly negative light. Right from the start she is seen as quite aggressive in manner in her opening scene with Mordred. It is understandable that she is having problems with seeing Mordred as a Knight of Camelot, considering their shared backgrounds. But it would have been a perfect moment to perhaps shows us some of their past, but we don’t even get a glimpse of that sadly.

When she is arrested after attempting to attack Arthur once again, we see only very negative stances from her. It’s as though they don’t want the audience to even ask basic questions about her motivations or reasons. It’s curious that the only time we see a softer side to her is either when she’s alone in the dungeon or obviously when she is with Mordred. The lack of a back story for Kara damages her, especially in the justification of the audience watching. We can guess that she may have seen some horrific events growing up, as we know Druid camps were attacked. But because there is no effort to shine a light on her past experiences, it tends to colour Kara as a character without sympathy in the viewer’s eye.

 You have to wonder why all of a sudden, the writers seemed happy to show certain characters (a lot of them female ones) with a lack of subtly, when before they were happy to do the opposite before. But all that besides shouldn’t mean that the Karas of this world should just be dismissed.

To me, Kara sees herself as a freedom fighter for her people. She is not just thinking about how the end result affects her, but also her people. There is that scene in The Drawing of the Dark where Arthur attempts to get Kara to “repent her crimes.” So many people condemned her for this action claiming it proved she had little goodness in her. But in fact, to me it showed her strength. She could easily have accepted Arthur’s terms and saved her own life. But how would that have changed anything for her people? In the end, she sacrifices her life for the vision she believed in; which was equality for the Druids and for those people who possessed magic.

Perhaps sometimes it is hard for the audience to sympathize with the “other side” when your main interests are Arthur and Merlin. But in truth, it should still matter that those with magic ended up in pretty much the same place as before. While its true Arthur wasn’t as aggressive as his father, nothing moved any further forward. How could Arthur truly bring the Kingdom together when one section of society was still living in the shadows? At the beginning of Merlin this question seemed to be a lot more important to the show makers, but by the end the show was driven into another direction. In the end, it felt a missed opportunity. But to me, those characters which asked questions of Camelot and its rulers were just as interesting and contrasting as the main cast. At the end of the day, we are all mixtures of different qualities and shades of grey.  It is what binds the human race together.

#bbc merlin #kara #mordred #arthur #merlin #series 5

[punchdrunkdoc]

Chapter 10

Summary: After the events of S3, Matt Murdock is trying to once again balance life as a lawyer and a vigilante. But he’s been scarred by loss and betrayal - will a mysterious new neighbour help him heal? Or will her secrets drag him back into the darkness?

Notes: This is a slow burn romance with an original female character, told in 3 parts. There is mystery, intrigue, action and angst - all the good stuff!

Also available on AO3 and Wattpad

Masterlist

——————

I concentrated a lot on character in this chapter, so there's not a lot of plot in this one. Except for the last two lines...those last two lines propel the story forward in a BIG way!

——————

CHAPTER 10

“Miss? Miss!”

Calina jerked out of her daze and turned to the customer across the counter. “I’m sorry. What can I get you?”

Calina rang up the drinks order then passed it along to her colleague to be prepared. 

It was her fourth day working at The Hideout. 

There were only so many hours of the day that could be filled with clothes shopping and library trips, so she’d decided to try her hand at a regular job. She’d seen the vacancy notice at her favourite coffee place, and thought it a sign from the fates.

It had seemed perfect. 

But in reality…it kind of sucked.

The acrid bitterness of the coffee grinds seemed to permeate her skin, until she could smell it on all her clothes and bedding at home. The structure of her shifts - the time she had to start, how long she could take a break, when she could leave at the end of the day - felt too reminiscent of the rigid training schedule of the Red Room. 

But most of all, the boring monotony was excruciating. It gave her far too much time to think.

And her thoughts weren’t great these days. 

Because Matthew was ignoring her. 

Well, not overtly. He was polite when they ran into each other on the street, or in the hallway between their apartments. He would smile and say hello. Sometimes ask her how she was…but it was all in the indifferent manner of a distant acquaintance. 

When she’d thought they were becoming friends.

Had she imagined the warmth of their past conversations? In her desire to form a connection with someone outside of the Red Room, had she concocted something from nothing? Had her attraction to him blinded her to his disinterest?

Or had she done something wrong? Something to make him step back from her?

Depressing questions. 

Which led to depressing thoughts.

Which her new job gave her far too much time to dwell on. 

She was going to have to quit. Just like she’d quit the Widows. 

Was that who she was beneath all her conditioning? Nothing but a quitter?

Another depressing question…

Calina sighed as she wiped down the counter. She glanced at the clock over the fireplace and nearly groaned. 

Still four more hours to go. 

 ———

 A cool evening breeze greeted Calina as she exited The Hideout after her last ever shift. Her supervisor had been mildly annoyed, but ultimately uncaring, at the news she was quitting.  Calina had spent the whole of the afternoon preparing a speech with a bulletpoint list of justifications for why she wasn’t the right fit for the job, but Hal - the manager - hadn’t let her get past the first few sentences. 

“Whatever,” he’d said, barely looking up from his laptop screen. “Leave your badge on the counter. We’ll deposit your paycheque in the bank by the end of the week.”

Calina had expected more of a fight. Maybe a rebuke for giving up so soon after starting. Or anger at leaving them short-staffed. She was used to being punished when she failed at something - it felt wrong to be let off the hook so easily. 

She wrapped her jacket more tightly around her as she stepped onto the pavement and joined the throngs of people scurrying home. Her footsteps echoed theirs as she walked the path back to her apartment. To an outsider, she probably looked like one of them, but she felt so removed. 

Separate.

Not a part of this world. 

She had no family waiting for her at home. No friends to meet for drinks. She couldn’t hack it working a simple waitressing job, and the only person she’d made a connection with now wanted nothing to do with her.  

What was the point of this new life she was struggling to live?

Maybe she should just give up and go back to the Widows. She was a quitter, after all. Why not quit New York too? At least then she’d be with people who understood her. Who knew her, and everything she’d been through. 

At least then she wouldn’t be so lonely. When she woke up in fear or couldn’t sleep, at least there would be someone there to help her. 

That’s what she wanted most of all. Someone to be there for her. She wasn’t looking for a thrilling life full of adventure and wonder. She didn’t have grand ambitions or aspirations. She just wanted to do some good in this world, to make up for all the bad she had done. And she wanted someone to come home to. 

On a night like tonight - dark and damp and cold - she didn’t want to return to an empty, lifeless apartment. She wanted to return to a home filled with warmth…and love. She wanted someone to share a life with. The good and the bad. The ups and the downs. She wanted to know what it was like to have someone to rely on. To take care of, and who would take care of her. She wanted companionship and laughter and touch and passion. 

She wanted love. 

But that was an impossible dream. A fairy tale. The kind of fantasy story that she was never told as a child, but which nonetheless lived in the very depths of her tattered soul. Buried deep, deep, deep, and existing as nothing more than a tiny, faint spark of hope when there was no other hope to find. 

She’d nurtured that spark on being freed from the Red Room. Had let it guide her away from the safety of the Widows and their sanctuary on the South Carolina coast. Indulged it until she’d deluded herself into thinking it could turn into more than just a wish. 

She was a killer, after all. 

A liar. 

A thief and manipulator. 

The things she had done had stained her soul. And ruined any chance of finding true love. 

She’d either have to settle for a facsimile of love with someone who would never know the real her. Or she’d let someone into her past, let them see the truth of her…and they would run a mile. 

Because who could possibly accept the things she had done? 

She couldn’t. 

She had lived through it, had experienced the conditioning and the mind control, and she still blamed herself sometimes - she should have fought the training harder. She should have questioned the life she was living. Tried to escape long before it became impossible. Long before her mind was imprisoned. 

Even on those days when she accepted the rational explanations for her actions - she was a child, she was brainwashed and controlled - the emotional fallout was harder to come to terms with. Her hands were the ones covered in blood, regardless of the circumstances. 

She sometimes struggled to deal with that fact. 

So it would only be natural that others would too. 

 ———

 She seemed sad. 

Her usual long-legged, confident stride was replaced by a graceless shuffle. Her hands were shoved in the pockets of her jacket, and her shoulders were hunched. She didn’t seem to noticed the bustling crowd around her as she slowly made her way home.

Matt stepped back into the shadows of the rooftop as Calina passed by beneath him. The lamps lining the streets had only just started to hum and the air still held the faint warmth of the setting sun, telling him it was barely dark. He wasn’t usually suited up and patrolling at this time, but he’d been kicked out of the office early. 

Apparently, he’d been in a foul mood this week, and his co-workers were sick of him. The words ‘curmudgeon’ and ‘sullen asshole’ had been bandied around.

By Foggy, of course. 

Karen was a touch more sympathetic, offering to talk about what was bothering him over drinks. But he'd turned her down, knowing there was a better way to deal with his irritability - letting the Devil out for a while. 

Although he’d been doing that every night this week and it hadn’t exactly helped. His failure at finding the source of the drug that Margaret was dosed with was only adding to his bad temper. He’d come across another victim a couple of nights ago - a truck driver had jumped the median strip on 9th avenue and accelerated into oncoming traffic. The sound of the collision as he’d crashed into several vehicles was like a bomb going off to Matt’s ears. He’d raced to the scene to try to help and had managed to pull the driver from his mangled truck before the fire in the engine spread to the cab. The scent of the drug had hit him the moment he’d grabbed hold of the man. Unfortunately, the driver had died a few hours later in hospital, before Matt could figure out a way to question him. 

His gut was telling him that these isolated incidents were the start of something bigger. A dangerous plot that he was only catching a glimpse of, and he was getting frustrated by the lack of leads.

Between that, and the stress of the upcoming trial, it was no wonder he was in a bad mood. 

At least, that’s what he’d convinced himself of before he’d spotted Calina tonight. 

But watching her from his rooftop vantage point had crystallised the feeling that had been plaguing him all week:

Resentment. 

He liked her. And a couple of years ago he would have flirted with her. Asked her out. Indulged the connection and chemistry between them. Maybe even built something real and lasting with her…

But now he was too…fucked up...for something like that. Too damaged by all the lies and the betrayal and all the fucking loss and abandonment that he’d experienced over the past few years. 

Over most of his life. 

Decades of cumulative trauma that had left him in this state. Bitter. Jaded. And with half his heart and the last of his hope buried under a collapsed building across town. 

He hadn’t been blessed with an easy life. And he’d only made it harder with the choice he’d made to become Daredevil. Although calling it a choice wasn’t right. It was more of a calling. A duty. A fundamental part of his soul. And he’d known it would involve struggle and sacrifices. 

But he’d never expected it to be quite this tough.

He’d never imagined it would take so much from him - the life of his priest and that of his mentor. The trust of his best friend. His first and only love.

And the chance of exploring something with an interesting, beautiful woman.  

Matt turned away from the edge and started jogging across the rooftop.  Away from Calina. Away from the possibilities that she represented.

He built his speed until he was flying over the concrete and across the gaps between buildings. He pumped his arms and stretched his legs, concentrating on the pull of muscles and his deep, steady breaths. He extended his senses, until the city came alive in a maelstrom of noise and smells and vibrations. 

The bombardment of sensation helped him block out the thoughts of Calina and dampened some of the bitter, corroding resentment that he felt. He knew when he returned to his apartment in the small hours of the morning, exhausted and worn out, that feeling would flare up. It would block the sleep he so desperately needed and leave him in an even worse mood tomorrow. 

But for the next few hours at least he could forget that he was Matt Murdock, with all his wants and fears and frustrated desires. 

He could put aside his human nature and just be the Devil for a while.

 ———

 Calina checked her mailbox, finding nothing but a water bill and a flyer for a dog walking service. She tucked them under her arm and headed for the elevators, trying to muster up some enthusiasm for the long night ahead. 

Maybe she would take a bath. Or read a book. 

More likely, she would lie on her couch and watch trashy TV until her eyes burned with fatigue. 

Already feeling exhausted at the prospect, she nearly jumped out of her skin when a loud clatter rang through the lobby of the apartment block. Her right hand grasped at her thigh for her non-existent gun, but she soon realised there was no threat. 

Unless a few soup cans could be classed as public enemy number 1. 

They rolled along the tiled lobby floor, having escaped from the bottom of Mrs Schneider’s broken grocery bag. Seeing a chance to redeem herself after the incident with the dropped purse, Calina quickly set about collecting the errant tins. 

“Danke schön, Danke schön,” the old woman said as Calina got to her feet with an armful of canned goods. “Sie sind ein Engel.”

Calina held back her bitter laugh at the irony. 

She was no angel. 

Instead she plastered on a smile for her neighbour. “Bitte schön,” she responded, before continuing in German: “Would you like me to carry these to your apartment?”

Mrs Schneider’s wrinkled face lit up at the sound of her native language, and the pure delight lifted Calina’s mood a notch. “You speak German?”

“Ja,” Calina said, her smile more genuine now. She followed the other woman to apartment 2C and waited while she fished in her oversized handbag for the key. When the door finally opened, the sweet, nutty scent of almonds escaped the apartment.  

“It smells amazing in here,” Calina commented as she deposited the cans by the stove.

“I baked butterkuchen today.” Mrs Schneider lifted the glass dome from the cake stand on the kitchen counter and Calina breathed in the delicious aroma. 

She recognised the name of the cake from one of her missions in northern Germany. “I thought those were only served at weddings or funerals.” They were also called Freud und Leidkuchen - Joy and Sympathy Cakes - for that reason.  

Mrs Schneider shrugged as she lifted a couple of slices out and placed them on some decorative plates. “I hate those traditions. ‘You can’t eat this, its not a wedding’, ‘You shouldn’t make that, its not Christmas’. Bah, I’m old. I might not live to see another wedding or Christmas. So I bake what I want, and eat it when I want.” She handed Calina a slice of cake and the two of them took a seat at the dining table. 

“Besides,” the older woman continued a few moments later. “There are small moments of joy and sadness that we go through every day. They deserve cake just as much as the big occasions.”

Calina felt the unexpected burn of tears behind her eyes at that offhand comment. She’d experienced one of those small moments of sadness today. Walking home from The Hideout she’d lamented the lack of companionship in her life, and she’d dreaded returning to her cold, dark, barren apartment…but now she was sitting in this cozy home with a charming old woman. She didn’t even know how it had happened - one moment she was doing a good deed, the next she was eating cake. 

Mrs Schneider seemed to sense her unshed tears. “It looks like you were in need of some sympathy cake today, hmmm?”

Calina nodded. She blinked a few times to clear her eyes and swallowed the last bite of cake. “I quit my job today.”

“Did you not like it?”

“No.”

“Then quitting is a good thing. Life is too short to do things you don’t like.”

Calina pushed the crumbs on her plate around with her fork. “I know. It’s just…”

“What?”

“I guess I feel…lost…right now. I don’t know what I’m doing here. It’s not what I thought it would be.”

“How long have you been in the city?”

“Six weeks or so.”

The sudden laugh startled Calina. She glanced up to see a wide smile on the other woman’s face. “Six weeks? Is that all? Did you expect to be happy and settled after only six weeks?”

Calina could feel a blush spreading across her cheeks. She squirmed in her seat at the gentle admonishment. “Maybe. No, not really. I just…I didn’t think it would be this hard.”

The older woman reached across and patted Calina’s hand. “I’m sorry for laughing. I know it can be hard. I moved here to be with my daughter seven years ago. My husband was…not a nice man. My Hanna moved halfway across the world to get away from him, and she used to beg me to join her. But I stayed. Stupidly, I stayed.” She sat back in her chair and her eyes went distant, as if she was reliving her past in Germany. “But eventually he died, and I said yes. I packed up my life in Munich and moved here. Hanna and I had four wonderful years together. And then she died too.”

“I’m so sorry, Mrs Schneider,” Calina whispered. 

“Thank you, dear. And you can call me Alma. You’re Calina, right?”

Calina laughed at the strangeness of the situation - the two of them had shared their feelings and personal stories without even properly introducing themselves. “Yes, I’m Calina.”

“I’ve seen you around with that handsome boy who lives next door to you. You make a nice couple.”

Calina’s smile dropped. “It’s not like that. We’re just neighbours. I’ve kind of found it hard to make friends with anyone, let alone something more.”

“It can be hard. I don’t have many friends either.”

“So why do you stay in New York? Why don’t you go back to the place you know, where life would be easier?”

Alma shrugged. “Where’s the fun in easy?”

“But you don’t even speak English.”

“Do I need to speak English to enjoy my baking? Do I need to speak English to take a walk in the park? The flowers don’t care. The birds in the trees don’t either. Yes, it would be easier to be back in Munich, but this is my home now. Everything in this house and this city reminds me of my Hanna. If I went back to Germany I would lose that.” 

“I don’t have anything like that keeping me here.”

“You’ll find things. Your job didn’t work out, but you’ll find a new one. Or something else that makes you happy. Just take it day by day. Appreciate the little things, find simple pleasures and before you know it, New York will feel like home. Remember, things don’t just fall into place without a little time and effort. As my mother used to say, ‘If you like to sled, you have to like to drag the sled’.”

Calina smiled at the familiar phrase. “I’ve heard that before. I like proverbs - even though my sisters tease me for using them. They say only…” she tailed off, realising she was about to insult her new friend.  

“Only old people use them?”

Calina’s blush deepened. 

Mrs Schneider laughed. “Don’t worry. I’m not offended. Proverbs are distilled wisdom. People who use them are wise, not old.”

 ———

 Calina spent the next day taking Alma’s advice, and wandered the city looking for small sparks of joy. She treated herself to brunch at a Greek restaurant in the upper east side, fed the ducks in central park, then lost hours admiring the art in the Met. 

Just as promised, she fell a little more in love with New York. And the desire to quit the city and return to the Widows lessened.

That hint of confidence in her chosen new life helped her out later that evening when she ran into Matthew in front of the elevators in their apartment building. Instead of feeling awkward and upset in his presence, she was able to greet him with a small smile, which she hoped he could hear in her voice. “Are you just getting back from work?” she asked.

“Sort of,” he replied. “Foggy and I grabbed a couple of beers afterwards. In that bar I told you about.”

There was no invite this time. No offer to join them the next time they went for drinks.

The pang of rejection stung a little, but it wasn’t as sharp as before. She didn’t need Matthew. Her happiness didn’t depend on him or the amount of attention he paid her. Her happiness also didn’t depend on being a waitress in a coffee shop.

She would find her joy elsewhere. 

And she would make this city her home. 

 ———

 “One-and-two-and-three-and-four. Lets go!”

The thumping bass filled the air, and the floor beneath her feet vibrated as the twenty-strong class started pounding out the choreography. 

“That’s it!" cried the instructor over the deafening beat of the music. “Now body rock.”

Calina followed along, trying to match the sinuous moves of the more experienced dancers around her. She hopped to the side and kicked out her elbow. Leaned back on the next step, then criss-crossed. 

She’d picked up the order of the moves quickly. 

But not the execution.

“Calina, loosen up! Let those hips move!”

She tried, but it went against a lifetime of ballet training. Her back wanted to be straight. Her feet pointed. Her hips turned out, not free and loose. 

Still…she was having fun. 

She’d found a little bit of joy.

And concentrating on getting the steps right distracted her brain. There was no time to dwell on anything else during dance class. Signing up for this had been a much better decision than her short-lived job at the coffee house. 

As the session came to an end, Calina wiped the sweat from her face with a towel and shoved on a sweatshirt to ward off the chill of the walk home. She grabbed her bag, and flew down the steps of the studio and out onto the street. 

The endorphin rush of the workout always left her pumped and fully of energy. 

“You’re dancing?” 

The shocked, almost disgusted, questions stopped her in her tracks. The endorphins fled in an instant.

It was Yelena. She leant against the lamp post outside the building, her arms crossed, her stare disbelieving. “I can’t believe you’re dancing.”

Calina glanced behind her. The large poster in the window advertised the range of classes offered in the studios upstairs. Street, tap, modern…and ballet. Calina shook her head. “No, Yelena. Not ballet. Street dance.”

“Oh,” Yelena responded, looking down. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have judged. If you wanted to do ballet-”

“I don’t,” Calina replied. Emphatically. “Never again. I just…like dancing.”

“You were always good at it. Better than the rest of us. You always ended class less bruised than we did.”

“Well, if its any consolation, I suck at street dance.”

Yelena chuckled, and the two of them starting walking in step towards Calina’s apartment. 

“Its good to see you,” Calina said after they passed the deli on the corner. “But why are you here? Is there another mission?”

“No, I was following up a lead on Katya’s handler but it went nowhere. I’m headed back to base tonight. But I wanted to give you this before I left.” She fished around in her backpack and handed over a plain brown envelope. 

“What is it?” Calina started to peel back the flap, but Yelena stopped her with a hand on her arm. 

“Wait until you get home. Its a little…sensitive.”

“Okay, now I’m really intrigued. You can’t give me a hint or something?”

Yelena smiled. “I’ll just say this - you should never have given Anya a mystery to solve. You know how single-minded she can be.”

Half an hour later, her hair still wet from the shower, Calina sat cross-legged on her bed and spread out the contents of the envelope in front of her. 

There were grainy black and white stills from surveillance cameras. Screenshots of YouTube footage. Facial recognition matches. Blog posts. Print outs from some 3D modelling software. Gait analysis results…

And a two-line summary, scrawled on a bright pink post-it note in Anya’s handwriting: 

Your lawyer = Daredevil.

Not so boring after all.

--------

CHAPTER 11 

Taglist: @hollandorks, @yanna-banana, @stilldreaming666, @tearosearts-blog

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#Daredevil #daredevil fic #daredevil fanfic #daredevil fanfiction #marvel's daredevil #Matt Murdock #matt murdock fanfic #matt murdock x oc #daredevil x original female character #matt murdock x original character #tabula rasa

[yanderefairyangel]

While I can understand where they are coming from, I feel like a lot of people didn't understand why the treatment of past in 3H and Engage is so different.

In 3H, all the students's past is linked to how Fodlan is in a pretty much rotten state with the higher force and power's action affecting their life in a rather direct or indirect way and when Byleth meets them, all the students are still trapped by their past as forshadowed by Byleth's answer's to Sothis's question, showing that despite the appareances the 3H cast keeps, Byleth is still capable of sensing their shadow, that's also why so many of them changes and managed to overcome their issues only after the 5 years timeskip, when things are begining to change.

The Engage cast are people who not only try to live how they want, but also try to overcome their different situation ; dark past, illness, trauma, social background etc. which leads them to be much more discrete about it since realistically speaking, when someone is trying to change they avoid talking endlessly about their past. The notable exception are Veyle and Rafal since they are dealing with guilt over what they did, but the rest of the cast was already trying to overcome their issues when Alear meet them as shown by the A support with Cholé revealing she has donquijotism or when we meet with Yunaka who was already embracing her new identity.

Moreover, the choice of partner also comes into play : since all of the 3H cast are more or less affected by the same thing, they can share their trauma with more people even if you didn't expected it ie Bernadetta sharing her story with Dorothea, the justification being that they are both victim of misogynistic treatment and that Bernadetta is scared to become friends with commoner due to her past and that Dorothea is a commoner herself.

The Engage cast are of more varied background in comparison so the character can show different aspects of themselves depending on which partner you choose : if Framme speaks with Alear, the support will be showing that she is deeply religious and that her faith was what helped her in difficult moments, even if this comes into the form of a cheerleading. With Diamant however, her sensitive side is showing up once we see how scared she is to pursue her history class because of the atrocities committed during the Brodian/Elusian war. Chloé speaks with Alear of her past because of their are opposite : Alear wishes to be treated normally and wished for an average life while Chloé wished to escape her average life as it meant her being deprived of her freedom and finds escape in being a knight, flying on her pegasus like a fairytale hero and showing herself to be open minded with her obsession for folk food. Alfred hates speaking of his illness, he does it only with Céline. Rafal is an exception because of their common point of being weakling striving to become stronger which leaded to Alfred speaking of his illness. He doesn't do it with other character, especially Alear because he doesn't want to be seen as weak and look upon with pity.

Yunaka in comparison has more support hinting at her past in a way or another even if the more developped one are with Citrinne and Zelkov. With Zelkov, it's because of their shared condition as former assasins. She gets to touch on this with Pannette too as both embrace a different personality to move on from their past. Etie also notices it since her obsession for fitness allowe her to determine on Yunaka's condition by her body alone, but other support like with Seadall allows Yunaka to actually demonstrate her natural talent for acting and as a thing she doesn't do to deceives other unlike what the support with Citrinne had as a main conflict, but has something she genuinely enjoys. The Four Wings gets to speak more about their past, but it's mainly because they have few support to establish their personalities and those are with people that are of their familiar circles (between them and the Fell twins) or to establish more the difference with their counterpart while deeping said counterpart characters (with Mauvier and Veyle).

Same thing with the Fell twins : Nel's support with Diamant is more serious as it's showing two character who have much in common due to their tension with their own father and their caring side, the support with Timerra is showing a more carefree and silly side of Nel, the one with Veyle is about how Nel should open more to others and overcomming her issues with trusting people and family, her support with Alear is the occasion for her to resolve her feelings for Alear and to show her caring side and that if she can come off as cold, it's actually a facade. Rafal's support are in the same fashion : he is teamed up with Mauvier as both of them are trying to reach for atonement and to show Rafal's wishes to atone for his sins. The support with Ivy does that too, with showing that despite intially knowing little about the human world ("what is an academy ?") to help Ivy's wish come true, he actually spend time studying things to play the role of professor (even if to Ivy they are more classmate). His support with Ivy mirroring the one Nel has with Diamant. His support with Alfred is more light hearted as the two developped a brotherhood due to their rather similar background leading Rafal to understand how wrong he was to follow Sombron's philosophy mirroring the support with Timmera and also the support with Veyle due to the overcomming issues on Rafal's part and the sister/brother bond developped, and his support with Alear while more focus on their relationship is the one that gets to show more of his character has he drops the facade very quickly between the C and the B, showing his deep love for his sister, his will to atone for what he has done and to fufill the promise he made to Alear, showing he still don't really accept Alear forgave him through his inital attempt at being cold and then moving to their A support where his sweeter and more pranky side of him are actually showing.

While the supports in Engage gets less to have character talking about their past, experience etc they were written with just as much care, choosing carefully each of the possible partner to show every facets of the characters. Sure they aren't morally complex individual, but every information in every of their supports helps establishing their character, deepening it and even explaning how they developped their gimmicks.

Moreover in 3H Byleth is supposed to guide those people to enlightement. Alear doesn't because their relationship is build on equality : even though they are revered, Alear doesn't guide them, those people do their own choices inspired by Alear and inspire themselves and support Alear to become a better leader, it's mutual relationship that Alear can built with their allies.

Those character are more deeper then you can give them credit for. And yes, it's another propaganda post for you to actually check the support conversation for Engage.

#fire emblem #fire emblem engage #fe engage #post ended up being longer then I though #fire emblem emotional damage #fire emblem three houses #fire emblem 3 houses