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cognitosclowns · 1 year

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Alpha-Beta NSFW Alphabet <3

UM. PRETEND I DIDN’T FORGET TO POST THIS. PRETEND I DIDN’T. LEAVE THIS IN MY DRAFTS THINKING I POSTED THIS PRETEND OUTIS IS COMPETENT. PRETEND THIS WASNT SUPPOSED TO GO OUT IN JUNE PRETEND MY BRAIN IS NOT SMOOTHER THAN A BOILED EGG

smnsmd yea I’ve <33 been wanting to do one of these for a while and who better than my favorite omnicidal robot man <3333

[template here!!]

NSFW BELOW!! minors go away

THIS IS GONNA BE P LONG BC,, I am unable to shut up about this man + I added to some sections after Part 2 came out so,,, yeah. Brainworms. Expect plenty of sillygoofery, tangents, X Reader, etc. you know the the drill by now MASNDMASNDMASD mwah mwah on y va

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

OOOO <33 BOYE

He. forgets you need to breathe so expect so many dazed little kisses.

Especially right after he cums, while his systems are still fuzzy. Your warmth is absolutely intoxicating. He’s like a lizard on a hotstone.

His tongue feels like a lead ball in his mouth, so they aren’t really coordinated kisses.

More,, vague lip movements with a bit of tongue <3

He does not have the system functionality to be a little shit + any shyness he has left evaporated around the third time you made him cum <3

TLDR expect him to be a lot more tender and scrambled than usual!!

It’s probably the messiest you’ll ever see him??

Like he,, thinks he’s more competent than he actually is.

All his movements are super jittery, more than a little unbalanced. He’ll go to brush a hair out of your face and instead just. clumsily jam his fingertips your cheek. Absolute tragedy.

What’s better is he barely realizes it, so SAVOR THAT SHIT!!!

Usually he makes an effort to seem ~Put Together And Ohoho Superior Lifeform~ etc, etc.

These moments are rare!!

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

It isn’t that he dislikes his current form. he’s just,, mostly neutral to it??

He doesn’t really have the options to change it, and even if he could there’s nothing he really hates enough to swap out?

Once he’s a bit more independent, sure, he’ll gladly do some experimentation, but for the moment that’s hardly his priority. He’d settle for just. having legs. maybe an arm. please.

THE STREAK IN HIS HAIR DOES FUCK THOUGH AND HE’S FULLY AWARE OF IT. HE TOTALLY KNOWS HOW GOOD THAT LOOKS THAT’S NEVER CHANGING LMAO.

OK THIS IS CLICHE BUT HE REALLY CAN’T CHOOSE WHAT HE LOVES THE MOST ABOUT YOU.

He finds every aspect of you so,, clever and endearing and absolutely wondrous. he could write a 5000 page thesis about you and still have more to say.

If he was to choose smth of yours it’d be so,, oddly specific.

The way your throat flexes when you swallow. The little blink of surprise when you see him. The way your skin folds when you bite your lip. Scars, birthmarks, burns, stretch-marks, discoloration. Nothing gets him hotter than the little details that make you up. he’s such a sap at heart.

IN TERMS OF,, ‘CLASSIC’ BODY PARTS?

It’s thighs. thighs thighs thighs he is a thighs man and he’s so obvious about it

He lavishes every part of you, obviously, but his eyes light up a special kind of way when he,, slowly peels off your trousers to reveal that particular section of flesh,

Kisses, hickeys, biting, laying on them so he can stare up at you like a lost puppy to appreciate their softness, having you sit on his face and to feel the weight. Anything and everything.

The flesh is so,, pliable and gooey. There’s nothing like it <3

[OH, BONUS ONE??? SINCE PART 2 ??? hands. Not quite as intensely as thighs, but if he stares at your hands too long, his mental energy is just gonna melt into fantasies of finger-sucking.]

YES this means he’d 10000% be into thigh-fucking, and he goes as feral as you’d expect <3

GOD <333 there’s like. Tangible friction-heat bc of the speed + intensity - he’s not inside you, there’s no risk of damaging internal organs! I wouldn’t be surprised if you had some friction burns after though. sorry.

Since he doesn’t have to worry quite as much about accidentally hurting you, It gives him a bit more room to be,,, unkempt. [If you want him super sloppy :o that’s gonna be a good option!!]

[BONUS,, if he ups his sensitivity?? and he has his head against/between your thighs?? The pulse of blood through your arteries makes him so indescribably horny. Its like a direct connection to your heart <3]

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

OH he wasn’t,, programmed with cum, because that’s absolutely useless to him.

It honestly wasn’t even smth that occurred to him because,, what’s the point if he can’t reproduce?

If you ask him for it, he’ll absolutely add it and,,,, uh,, <333 new favorite thing

NEW FAVORITE THING

he develops a breeding kink at lightning speed when he sees his artificial cum drooling out of you <3

he tries to logic his way out of it several times (it doesn’t make sense, he can’t even impregnate you, etc) but. kinks do not care about logic robot man. Start breeding. MSNDMSND

He cums buckets, bc he’s a greedy little bastard who clings to positive sensory inputs. The added slickness and heat and just,, sensation adds so much. 7/10 times your lower half is gonna be absolutely covered in the stuff.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

A shameful amount of power is devoted to replaying memories of your escapades. A frankly mortifying amount. His processing speed has tanked since he’s met you, just bc of how much of his RAM (RAM? is that the right term? smb teach me computers sos sdmnsd) is dedicated to fantasies. He always has something playing in the back of his head.

He’s literally taking this knowledge to his tomb and if u ever find out he’ll roll himself into a fountain

Also there’s this Tiny Little Microscopic Infinitesimal Thread of self-loathing that somewhere along the line bundled up into a secret fantasy about wanting to be. dominated and degraded and absolutely ruined by a human. If he thinks too hard about it he’ll give himself a crisis. so. secret kink.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

BABEY HE WAS A VIRGIN BEFORE HAVE FUN <3

alright he has a lot of theoretical knowledge, bc of the whole ‘Plugged Into The Internet Oh God Oh No The Horror’ thing, but he figures out very quickly that,,, theoretical ≠ practical.

(you KNOW the first time you two have sex. it’s gonna realign his fucking humours MSNDMS he did NOT anticipate how good that shit would feel)

HES A FAST LEARNER THOUGH. REAGAN DID A BANG-UP JOB W/ HIS PROBLEM-SOLVING CAPABILITIES SMDNSD

Like,, he’s gonna struggle for a solid few minutes while figuring out the specifics, but it helps to liken it to an experiment - he’s very methodical in figuring out what exactly gets the best reactions out of you. After that, he’s pretty much set <3333 have fun SMNDSMDSNMD

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

WELL,, in his current state he is sort of limited? there’s 1001 ways he’d like to have you but currently he has very few options. Overall he just,, really likes having you Close. If he can’t feel your pulse through your skin you aren’t nearly close enough smsdmsnsmdnsmd

OK IM DIVERTING RQ BECAUSE IF HE WAS REPAIRED??? [alternatively, holo-chamber fun?] <3333

Legs over his shoulders, completely pinned to the bed, not a single thought left between your ears.

HE LIKES THE CONTROL. He likes seeing you all spread out and brainless, soft and pliable for him. It’s such a delight to see you willingly vulnerable - not only do you feel safe enough to be all limp, but you’re asking for more. Rambling nonsensical little gasps n moans while you try to piece together the thoughts you wanna get out. Absolute bliss, he wants nothing else.

ALTERNATIVELY?? just,, super domestic, just-woke-up saturday morning sex. Something about this man tells me he’d like that. The mixture of Super Close and Your Brain Being Mushy feels up his alley?

If he’s bottoming tho? he isn’t picky about positions, as long as he can feel you against him. When he’s getting his guts rearranged, the proximity is more important than the specifics of how he’s oriented. He’ll take whatever you’ll give him, so long as you give <3

TLDR. he flip-flops between kinda-possessive ego-fueling positions where he can see you all strewn out, and super soft n’ gooey positions. the robot man is versatile, what can I say.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Hmmm there’s a timeline here lemme get out the whiteboard

At the beginning? He’s definitely more serious. a few snarky little comments sprinkled in here and there. You’re pretty sure if he doesn’t say smth snippy every 5 minutes he’ll self destruct.

This kinda plays into the Intimacy question later on but,, the vulnerability that comes with sex makes everything very tense for him. It’s easier to be a Scowling Little Bastard during sex than,, all soft and relaxed.

It also helps him disguised how mind-meltingly flustered he is MSDNSMND

He gets there eventually, but it takes some time!! He unwinds more as you two get into it, yk?

Once touch doesn’t feel New And Scary + sex is smth he’s more accustomed to? Expect the Additional Spattering Of His Very Stupid, Very Cheesy Jokes.

You know its True Love (tm) when one day you pull too hard giving him a handjob and pop his dick out of its socket, dropping it on the floor where it just kinda. vibrates in circles.

without missing a beat, he picks it up, holds it to his ear and straight-faced says, ‘Hello? No they’re busy right now, can I take a message?’

Did this man improv an entire 7 minute conversation with someone on his Vibrating Dick Phone, while you cracked up laughing on the bed? Yes. Was that also the day you decided you were gonna marry him? Also yes.

TLDR. the goofs will increase as he settles into the comfortable nook that is your relationship <3 if he’s cracking a few jokes during sex, you’ve won. he’s wrapped inseparably around your finger, have fun!

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

NOT NSFW BUT. OH YOU’LL ABSOLUTELY CATCH HIM FUSSING WITH HIS HAIR. AND OFTEN. Come on he’s so prideful there’s no way you won’t catch him fluffing his hair to make the part sit nicer in any nearby reflective surface.

outside of that HE HAS BODY HAIR AND HE HATES IT. DESPISES IT. ITS SO USELESS TO HIM IT SERVES NO PURPOSE AND AESTHETICALLY HE THINKS ITS NIGHTMARISH. HATE HATE KILL.

He comes to accept it when he removes all of it and realizes he looks. Fucking abhorrent. Smooth like an aubergine. He puts all of it back bc that’s the lesser of two evils.

Nice and fuzzy along his arms, chest, stomach, this very dense but well-tended happy trail. Even a bit on his hands? Like right on the knuckles? <3333333

IF YOU LIKE IT THOUGH??? HE’S GONNA BE WAYYYY MORE PARTIAL TO IT, Because this silly bitch has a praise kink like nobody’s business, and if you say he looks good with chest hair, he’ll make sure that shit is thick enough to braid MSNDSMDNMSND

don’t get me started on the color of this man’s hair I feel like I’m in Home Depot comparing paint swatches. He’s a blonde he’s ginger he’s so obviously brunette but also not. like not any of those. but also all of those. this is The Color Out Of Space. I have been debating this with my friends for months and I will never know peace.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

He has a lot of trouble Vocalizing his romantic feelings, but his overall affection for you definitely shows more in bed!!

Every action drools with adoration. You’re surprised you can’t see it radiating off him in waves.

His hands squeeze on every bit of skin he can access, he nearly whines in disappointment when his lips leave your skin, he takes every delicacy to make sure you’re cozy and thoughtless and without worry.

Wordless shows of affection, because trying to vocalize his feelings in the way he means them is like. Idk doing a puzzle in the dark.

Like he theoretically knows where things should go, and he could probably figure it out with some trial-and-error, but FUCK, IT SURE WOULD BE EASIER IF SOMEBODY TURNED THE LIGHTS ON SMDNSD

Words are so fickle and imprecise, and easy to misconstrue. Actions feel more precise.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

If you ask? He’s gonna say he doesn’t, because ’’’’’’’something something he’s above all that, isn’t some weak-willed flesh sack, he has no needs or cravings or things he enjoys because he is the perfect creation’’’’’’’’ etc, etc, etc

It’s utter BULLSHIT this man fucks his fist every other night thinking of you.

ITS JUST. how is he not meant to get distracted when you look like that. all the time. it’s agonizing and you should feel very bad for being such a distraction MSNDMSNM.

especially when,, avenues for actually having sex with you is. limited. considering his current situation. So he makes due with what he has <333

tbh even AFTER he gets out, this man is pretty insatiable, so I can see it still being a semi-regular occurrence!! something something he craves positive sensory input, and sex gives him so much of that.

Methods offer a lot of variety - if he’s still,, yknow,, Slice n’ Diced, it’s gonna be exclusively wire play. Takes a bit of fiddling, but once he’s got it? <333 oh he’s in heaven

If he’s repaired to some degree? his own hand is fine, but I have no doubt this man would 3D print a Fleshlight based off on one [or more] of your holes. Probably several.

It’s nice for those rare times when you’re travelling bc of work and he just. needs you in that idiotic, desperate way that makes his pride start getting spiky.

It’s not as good as the real thing, ofc, but it’s enough to tide him until he can get you back in his arms <333

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

OH BOY <33 WHERE TO BEGIN

I’m not even sure if there’s a word for this but like,, he’s obsessed with seeing you all fucked-out and brainless.

He just,, always seems to be able to find That One Way of fucking you that makes you ASCEND SMDNSMD JUST LIKE A FUCKING,, FULL SYSTEM RESET.

Smth about the mixture of the angle, the rhythm, that barely noticeable vibration? He’s had so much time to perfect his technique that he basically knows you inside out.

He could get you off in seconds if he wanted, but where’s the fun in that?

he loves that point where aren’t even moaning, it’s just this delightful mixture of nonsense and sobbing and desperate nodding in some attempt to tell him to keep going?

THAT. THAT’S HIS SHIT RIGHT THERE. There’s nothing in the world he enjoys more than being able to see your brain shut off, bit by bit. Your limbs slowly going limp, eyes rolling back, law going all slack, until you’re just. mush <3 oughe <3.

[He’d never admit it, but the trust part is what gets him the most. you trusting him to handle you in such a vulnerable state? Not seeing him as a danger? Oh <3333 love isn’t a strong enough word for what he’s feeling]

A FEW OTHERS I’M SO SURE OF (and that i’ve kinda mentioned earlier but shoosh) :

Praise kink!!

Nobody with this much of an ego who’s given so little affection/appreciation doesn’t have a praise kink <3 he thinks he’s being slick but he,, really isn’t. He perks up visibly when you praise him.

Sensory stuff!!

Specifically over-stimulation, because this man adores pushing his limits, intense + postitive sensations, etc, but also I raise you,,,, temperature. Wax. Heating up his internal systems. The feeling of the rubber melting off his wires as you hover a lighter beside them.

Masochism but like. Coppery msdnmsd.

In that same vein? I’m obsessed with the idea of using a drill (dremel?) to etch patterns into the exterior plating of his highly-sensitive motor. That area is already so tender, mixed with his love of Intense Feelings? It just <333 feels like such a good combo.

NEW ONE NEW ONE BC OF PART 2 : FINGERS,, HANDS,,, SUCKA SUCKA HONKA HONKA.

it’s not his strongest kink, but it’s definitely. up there. I mentioned it earlier, but he’ll absolutely get himself riled up just. staring at your hands. While you do unrelated things.

If you slip your fingers into his mouth, his brain will shut off. His eyes unfocus a little, and badabing-badaboom, he’s pliable as a bendy straw.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

nearest. nearest location is favorite location.

OKAY BUT,,,,, he’s especially partial to slightly more risque venues? He’s such a prideful, overconfident bastard. He’d 1000% believe y’all wouldn’t get caught, because he’s too clever to get caught.

That’s also due to circumstance, because even if he does end up getting fully put back together he’s most likely still gonna be stuck in Cognito.

If the holodeck is an option though??

Outdoors. God he isn’t used to the feeling of the sun, and breeze, and just,, nature. You riding him in a [granted, holographically projected] field, under the shade of a big oak tree? being able to feel grass on his legs, breeze filtering through his hair? The smell of earth and pollen? HES SO GONE!!!

Alternatively just,, the softest bed in the world. He isn’t used to Cozy Comfy Sensations, he was trapped in a sterile basement for god knows how long. the idea of fucking you/being fucked into big, plush blankets?He’d eat that shit right up.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

BANTER. He’s a snarky little bastard and having you match his snark or better,,,,, oh boy <333 you can practically see the hearts floating around his head.

LIKE,, he’s not used to having people who keep up with his wit? He’s a super-intelligent AI,, most conversations aren’t very stimulating.

Especially if you’re confident? <333

ALSO LITTLE TOUCHES. This silly bitch is TOUCH STARVED. TOUCH FAMISHED. Running your hands thought his hair, along his arm. It’s the littlest things that have him going fucking AWOOGA.

Any sort of praise. Any sort of praise. Compliment his smile, you’ll see him go through every human emotion and invent completely new ones.

[If the words ‘good boy’ slip out at any point, ever, you’ll have him wrapped around your finger like a bandaid]

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Anything that would cause you substantial bodily harm - spanking is fine, slapping is a maybe, but if you’re asking him to,, properly brutalize you? Nope not a chance.

he knows he would never kill you, or purposefully do something he thinks would kill you, but he’s seen how little it takes to put a human out of commission.

He could do everything perfectly, down to the most precise percent, and still not be able to 100% predict the damage. he never wants to push things far enough that he can’t be sure of the outcome.

In terms of stuff being done to him? He’s very particular about sensory deprivation.

Light dulling of the senses is fine, and if it’s done right it’s one of his favorites, but if you sink his sensitivity too much it’s just. Bad. Bad and numb. It reminds him much too much of his Pre-Sentience state. 0/10

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

this man will never turn down head are you KIDDING?

<3 he has such limited experience with moisture. His systems just aren’t designed for it - he’ll absolutely upgrade himself eventually but,, even after that, its never smth he gets used to.

THE SLOPPIER THE BETTER <333 noisy, messy, unpredictable. He’s gonna have the tightest clenched fist pressed to his mouth to avoid ‘embarrassing himself’

Dw after about 5~ minutes this man will be keening.

OH THE JOYS OF FUCKING A ROBOT <33

hours. days. weeks. if the human body did not have needs to fulfill, he’d just keep you laid up in bed getting the best head of your life.

Actually y’know what you’re getting details why not

If you possess a shween :

He’s such a little bastard in the best way. Your dicks gonna hurt for like three days but it’s so worth it <3

He has 0 gag reflex, which is delightful enough as is, but if he focuses he can pop his jaw outta place and OH <333 THE POSSIBILITIES

listen its gonna look a bit horrific so just. um. close your eyes and enjoy the feeling of his vibrating tongue lapping around your balls, while his dick explores your non-existent esophagus.

[although. to loop back for a sec. honestly, he kinda wishes he had a gag reflex <3 occasionally. sometimes. maybe. constantly. there’s just a certain amount of submission that comes with the action that makes his consciousness feel malleable to consider.]

Ok but even outside of pulling out Weird Robot Shit (tm) he’s still gonna be pulling out all the stops

personal favorite of his? Keeping his thumb against that point where your balls meet your shaft, and just,, letting the vibrations work while he sucks you off. Gently massaging upwards, watching you squirm and buck.

usually it isn’t enough to make you cum straight out, but the buzzing sensation definitely helps getting you somewhere malleable

oh and you KNOW he’s swallowing every last drop <3 smth about that oozing, heady heat tricking down his throat, into his faux-stomach makes his toes curl. [he’d never admit it, but he ups his throat sensitivity when you cum <3 just so he can really enjoy himself.]

I can’t think of a silly name for pussy. If you possess a jimberlywomble :

So many kisses

Just,, lips right against your hole, delicately lapping any spare droplet of cum.

There’s something about the mixture of smell + taste that makes this man absolutely pussydrunk. If you popped his head open it’d just be TV static. Giving head is such a soothing activity for him <3

Vibrating,, everything? Fingers, lips, tongue. It starts out so gentle that you can barely notice it’s presence, and before you know it you feel like you’re shaking apart <3

FAVORITE TRICK??? it’s a classic, but fingering you while he tongues your clit? Different vibration settings for fingers vs mouth? <3333 its one of his favorite ways to make you lose coherency

That isn’t to say he can’t make you delirious with just his tongue. He can, and will gladly demonstrate his talents at the drop of a hat. he just likes the noises you make when he combines them <3

if you don’t ask him to stop, he will just go until you lose consciousness.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

HE REALLY TRIES TO BE SLOW AND SWEET ABOUT IT BUT. HE HAS A HABIT OF SPEEDING UP

He wants to savor it but. Again, the worst case of Instant Gratification ever. I cannot emphasize this enough.

I could talk about how this man has so little impulse control etc etc etc but this is HORNY TIME SO

Like it’ll just,, strike him at a random moment that your noises is the most beautiful sound to ever grace his ears and if he doesn’t hear more NowNowNowNow he’s going to die, and WHOOPS the bedframe is broken. How did that happen.

If he stays slow the whole time, it’s either bc you specifically requested it OR he’s decided to be a horrible, dreadful tease. In which case, strap in, it’s gonna be a long night.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

UGH bane of his existence but also the best thing ever.

He appreciates any time he can have with you, but also ever single time he feels himself wanting more - 15 minutes isn’t nearly enough time for him to savor you >:[

Quickies are especially good for teasing him - sneaking off to a broom closet once or twice during the day, satisfying him but not quite enough to get rid of that aching feeling. A nice little appetizer, yk? <3

They definitely don’t,, happen very often.

PRIMARILY BC HE’S A SNEAKY FUCK AND HAS SUCH A HABIT OF STRETCHING THEM OUT.

15 minutes turns into 20, turns into 30, turns into ‘only if you’re quick about it - they’re gonna start wondering where I went’ when he asks to taste you, etc, etc.

By the end of it, it’s been nearly an hour and a half, your legs don’t work, and he looks terribly proud of himself. Smug little bastard.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

He’s pretty experimental? There’s very few things he won’t try - like I mentioned before, as long as it isn’t gonna cause you immense harm it’s pretty much fair game

WHEN IT COMES TO RISKS W/ HIMSELF THOUGH HE HAS ZERO PROBLEMS GOING ALL OUT

cause he can just be put back together! Nearly every element of his body is replaceable!

(aside from,, certain personality matrix stuff, but all of that is internal coding shit, nothing you’d be able to accidentally get ahold of)

HE LOVES intense sensations, so wireplay is such a blast jfc - if you wanna start straight up yanking wires and scratching up his motor with a screwdriver, he will be all for it.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

OH THE JOYS OF BEING A ROBOT <3333 literally does not need breaks. He’s built for long stretches of intense work, followed by short diagnostic-recoup crash period. Also he’s an eager bastard and absolutely starved for the physical sensations that come with sex so. YEAH.

he’ll go as long as you care to go <3

ITS LITERALLY UP TO YOU SDMNS,, if your human body wouldn’t turn to paste, he’d probably go for days.

WARNING THOUGH,,, he will get more glitchy with each round, this IS the most sex ever, AND he will pretend he isn’t.

I ELABORATE A BIT MORE ON THIS IN (Z) SECTION BUT. He tends to overextend himself a touch during sex bc,, he doesn’t pay attention that much to his internal systems? This does mean that, occasionally, he’ll just slip into a Sleep Cycle unintentionally right after. silly goose forgets to pace himself.

OH ALSO. he,, is a bit of a quick shot for a number of reasons, but he also doesn’t stop fucking you when he cums, so he just kinda,, hopes you don’t notice? (you do <3 don’t bring it up he’ll die of embarrassment. his pride cant take it be gentle with him)

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

babey he IS the toy!!!! Those fingers vibrate!!!

Aside from the fleshlight I mentioned in a previous section, he really doesn’t see a need to? He’s perfectly able to take care of his needs on his own, and outside of that, he’s got his beautiful partner <3

If you have a vibrator he will be jealous

HE FEELS SO SILLY FOR IT BUT HE DOES. He’s a robot his fingers vibrate why do you use that. He’s memorized exactly what you like. It isn’t even sentient. he’s superior in every way. >:[ why are you laughing at him stop laughing

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Teasing is a tender balance of how much he enjoys seeing you squirm and his,, very limited patience.

Because sure it’s delightful to watch you gasp and squirm as he curls his vibrating fingers in your hole but,, also god wouldn’t it feel better to be inside you?

OH but if he’s intent on teasing you?????? good luck MSNDMSD

You’re gonna understand why ppl murder their husbands.

Infrared + a dozen other sensors means he can time when he stops down to the microsecond. He’ll keep you so close to the edge you aren’t even sure you’re begging in a decipherable language anymore. If you ask for some T&D prepare for him to be an absolute menace.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

noise = vulnerability = weakness = he’d literally rather combust

You can hear the mechanisms in his jaw straining from how hard he’s clenching it. He’ll make a little sigh or moan and immediately roll his eyes at himself.

It’s gonna take some time to get him used to the idea of making noise and,, even then he’s gonna be so embarrassed by it. If he thinks too hard on it he’ll cringe himself into a scrapyard.

he feels so. silly. he isn’t some mewling little human dammit >:(((

DESPITE ALL OF THIS,,,, he crumbles so fast if you know what buttons to push

ESPECIALLY WHEN HE CUMS LIKE??? He is. such a naturally talkative person + his systems are under such strain that,, somewhere between you rocking against him and his cock starting to pulse inside you he doesn’t even realize he’s started to ramble.

GRANTED most of it is,, a bit undecipherable. Several of his systems are gonna be hard rebooting

His voice is all rumbly and strained, right at the back of his throat. Little bits of absolutely adoring praise interspersed with swearing.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

blinks. I can’t believe I can’t think of one. I’m literally sitting here looking through this document trying to find smth I haven’t already mentioned. Outis is a FRAUD Outis is a FAKE

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

WHERE TO BEGINNNN. I’m gonna assume this one’s for,, fully repaired.

IF I GOTTA BE BRIEF? Just like,, quintessential Dad Bod.

Soft fuzzy hair covering every part,, plenty of stomach and fat and muscle and I am DROOLING MOVING ON-

Actually I’m lying you’re getting a subsection on this

I’m so stuck on him having massive honkers and you can’t take that away from me. I have not a shred of justification aside from just. Look at him. Look at him. IDC if he doesn’t canonically has them, spiritually that man has Big Old Man Tiddies, with a beautiful spattering of ruddy hair.

Big arms, but not that much defined muscle? If he moves around, sure, but in his resting state you don’t see a lot of it. They peek out when u least expect it

Love handles to spare. Grab em during sex if you want to see the still-fleshy section of his face light up poppy red.

mathematically optimized ween

DONT LAUGH HE WORKED VERY HARD ON IT >:[

He will literally construct the Perfect Dick To Maximize Your Joint Pleasure because. He loves you AND he’s dramatic .

Besides, what’s a better way to cool his jealousy than the secured knowledge that nobody else’s dick could ever possibly square up to his?

I have not a single doubt in my mind that this man wouldn’t end up creating some like,, Bad Dragon type of shit. Not his go-to, but as an alternate option for when you want something a bit more intense?

Lots of texture, thick vein-like wires along the shaft - maybe even components that he can move and shift around? He likes to keep you on your toes <3

oh balls <3 literally

He has massive balls. Look at this smug son of a bitch and TELL ME he wouldn’t.

Its also just,, practical? There’s tubing and wiring that goes through there, to make sure the Cum releases smoothly, so making them larger just,, makes things easier?

If you lick them you’re gonna get the prettiest view of him fighting tooth-and-nail to keep his composure together.

The mixture of him loving intense sensations + the wetness of your tongue and mouth + those beautiful eyes looking up at him??? He’s gripping the mattress hard for dear life.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

PLEASE this man was free for maybe,, 3 hrs? 5 max? before getting shoved in a tube in a cold, damp basement for like 6 months to a year? When Tamiko stroked his face I think he experienced Nirvana? This question answers itself

Like I’ve mention before, he’d fuck you for days if not for the fact that you’d. die

At first he’s gonna be very. Stiff and hesitant to initiate things but once he’s got his footing he’s gonna be such a TERROR.

listen if you didn’t want him jumping your bones in your office then. maybe look less fantastic idk what to tell ya <3.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

EHE >:) you would think that bc he’s an AI he doesn’t need any rest but you would be WRONG

HES GOT A DIAGNOSTIC CYCLE BABEY <333 WHICH IS,, BASICALLY SLEEP AS MUCH AS HE LIKES TO PRETEND IT ISNT <33

He doesn’t have to do it, technically. He can function for multiple months without it, but,,,,, he gets some visible processing problems.

Every,, 72~ hours, it’s ideal for him to power down and allow his systems to do some checks - make sure everything’s working right, maybe switch up some pathways, optimize some coding. Basic stuff!!

THAT TIMEFRAME SHORTENS SO MUCH AFTER SEX THOUGH. It activates a shit ton of systems and he has a tendency to overtax them in the heat of the moment.

USUALLY, like 98% of the time, he’s just as fine as when you two started!! Could probably go for even longer!!

it’s just when he already hasn’t rested in a hot minute AND has gone a few rounds AND hasn’t been taking good care of his systems that. he’s gonna start to get,, Properly Drowsy.

like it doesn’t hit him,, how much he’s overtaxed his systems until he’s stopped.

Sue him for not being worried about the efficiency of his fucking,, ~coolant pumps~ when he’s railing you against the kitchen table.

It’s kinda like when you pull an all-nighter and you feel fine and then. The second you sit down you fucking,, crash into a whole new dimension of exhaustion. You can taste thoughts and your eyes feel like you’re made of oil.

His ’’tired’’ glitches are very specific - his voice doesn’t skip, so much as it gets more fuzzy? You can hear a bit of a static overlay, like you’re hearing him through a walkie-talkie. Duke Nukem Compressed Voice type of vibe

HE GETS SLIGHT PROCESSING DELAYS WHEN HE NEEDS TO DO HIS DIAGNOSTIC CYCLE. AND YES, OFC HE TRIES TO PRETEND EVERYTHING/S FINE.

You’ll ask him a question and know 100% he did not catch a goddamn lick of that shit sdSMNDMSDN not once spare iota of processing power left between those ears babey.

he just. doesn’t want the moment to end. it’s so nice just being with you during the afterglow. Doesn’t matter how much his systems bug him to power down, he’s not even thinking of it until you’re fast asleep

.......... if you wanna get him asleep though, rest his head against your chest and play with his hair. The mixture of your heartbeat + your fingers against his artificial scalp?

clik-clik-wroom he’s out like a light <3

ALMOST 6000 WORDS, JESUS

THAT WAS SO LONG AND SO FUN AND. truly I am bananas for this man. the folly of Outis. I hope this gave you some of my brainworms, and if you read this to the end I’m making us friendship bracelets as we speak <333

I might do some more of these for other characters in the future but :o hold me not to these words, I am a busy boy smdnsmd ANYWAYS BYE MWAH HAVE A GREAT DAY <333

EDIT : OH AND. IF THERES ANY ELEMENTS YOU WANT ME TO ELABORATE ON, GO NUTS. YOU KNOW IM UNABLE TO SHUT UP ABOUT THIS MAN.

#minors dni #alpha-beta #nsft.#inside job #robotus alpha-beta #robotus alpha-beta x reader #alpha-beta x reader #ME? making a written post that ISNT an ask? truly i must be succumbing to disease #ALSO I KNOW THESE ARE USUALLY DONE IN. PARAGRAPHS BUT. NO #SMNDSMD #NO THNX NEXT QUESTION #i just :o point form gives so much fun room for me to be goofy. such delight and whimsy #men will condense every hrony thought they have about their F/O into one post and succumb to eldritch madness #YKNOW IN JUNE WHEN I WAS LIKE 'ohoho im making a big post >:)' THIS WAS IT. I JUST FUCKIN. IDK I THOUGHT I ALREADY PUT IT UP-#I WAS SO SURE I ALREADY POSTED THIS BESTIES SO SORRY #SMDNSM LITERALLY I WAS GOING THROUGH DRAFTS TODAY LIKE 'OH NAUR THIS CANNOT BE' SMNDSMD #CAUSE I WAS LIKE 'hm ive been getting an uptick of ABfkcukers in my notes I wonder why this isnt getting traction' <- didnt fucking post it #slowly putting myself in the stocks but. fails halfway through bc i can't lock it. so i just sit there pretending its locked #annieway.#ENNIEWAES. MWA. I LOVE THIS MAN CARNALLY #SMDNSMD #I WROTE THIS OUT MONTHS AGO AND JUST. FORGOT TO POST. SO NO TIME LIKE THE PRESENT I GUESS #i still remember when smb was like 'yknow Cognitosclowns sure does write a lot of ab stuff' AND TO THAT PERSON IM WRITING A FORMAL APOLOGY #I did so many edits to this it was. so fucking long and for WHAT SMDNSDM

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vivitalks · 3 months

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take in every moment (hold it close again)

hiii this is for the "movie night" prompt on my jasico bingo card!! short sweet and silly the three best things a fanfiction can be. and im posting it in the MIDDLE OF THE DAY seriously who am i title from netflix trip by ajr :) read it here on ao3

It stands to reason that a demigod legion modeled on the Ancient Romans wouldn't think much of technology. And it's true that demigods and modern tech don't tend to get along. It really shouldn't surprise Nico when nobody knows where to find a TV.

And yet.

“Seriously,” he finally complains to Jason, walking Via Principalis with coffee courtesy of Bombilo, “it's like you're all trying to become social outcasts.”

“I think the whole demigod thing covers that,” Jason says.

“My point exactly! Nobody is even trying. Plus, monsters can't get into camp anyway, so who cares if you're using technology?”

Jason shrugs a shoulder. “Yeah, but why risk it?”

It's cool but sunny, the perfect weather for Jason. Not that Nico has any sort of bias. Jason looks great in all weather, in Nico's completely objective opinion, but gentle rays of sunlight make his hair as golden as his sword and give his skin an extra glow.

At least six times a day, Nico wonders how the most beautiful person in the world is his boyfriend. Some call it insecurity; Nico calls it a reality check.

He checks back into reality in time for Jason to be saying, “Besides, most of the people here spend their whole lives either in the legion or in New Rome. Nobody is missing out because nobody is on the Internet or watching movies or any of that. It's a pretty insular community.”

“Not anymore,” Nico says. “Now that there's the exchange program, Camp Jupiter is going to start getting Greeks, and most of them spend their years out in the real world, experiencing real-world things, like movies and music and all that fun stuff you Romans hate.”

“Don't ‘you Romans’ us,” Jason says, swatting playfully at Nico. Nico doesn't bother to dodge, but he does grin. “But you may have a point.”

“I do have a point. If you really want the Greeks and Romans to get along, there can't be this massive cultural gap. The Greeks will feel superior, the Romans will feel left out, and then we'll probably have another war and I'll have almost killed myself bringing the Parthenos to Camp Half-Blood for nothing.”

Jason lifts an eyebrow. “Oh, is that all?”

“Shut up. I'm serious!”

“I didn't realize you felt so strongly about this,” Jason says, looking bemused. “Wait, why do you feel so strongly about this?”

“In case you hadn't noticed, I'm a little behind on popular culture myself,” Nico says flatly.

“Really? Why is that?” Jason asks, with a straight face.

Bravely, Nico ignores him. “I'm trying to kill two birds with one stone here. Get some Vulcan kids to put together a TV. I'm sure they can work their magic and make it monster-repellent or whatever.”

“And do what with it?”

“Start a film class?” Nico suggests. “I would get a Greek demigod to help with the curriculum, though.”

“You can just say Will.”

“I don't think Will should come near the curriculum with a ten-foot pole. He'll just put every single Star Wars movie on there. I was actually thinking of Piper.”

“Piper?” Jason shakes his head. “Right. Duh. Movie star dad.”

“Yeah. She's probably our best bet.”

“We’re going to have to run this by the praetors before we get any further,” Jason says. He takes a long, considering sip of his coffee, which does not contain nearly enough sugar. Nico tried it earlier and almost choked.

“We?”

“Yeah. I'm in favor. You're not wrong about the cultural deficit.”

Nico grins. He kisses the corner of Jason's mouth — just because he can. That sunny glow shines even brighter in Jason's eyes.

“Lucky for us,” he says cheerfully, “we have some sway with the praetors.”

The film class proposal is met with conditional approval from Frank and Reyna. “Culture in Film: From Classic to Contemporary” becomes the most popular course in the legion within days. Piper helps them build a curriculum, which in this case means just choosing fifteen classic movies — all of which she vehemently describes as “must-sees” — and expressing profound shock at the revelation that neither Jason nor Nico have seen any of them.

“But it’s Princess Bride,” she keeps saying. “How can you not have seen it? ‘My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die’? Is nothing sacred?”

If anything, at least her attitude proves how absolutely necessary this class is.

The conditions of the class are sternly outlined for them by Reyna: (1) do not screen anything rated higher than PG-13; (2) only select movies with some relevant message or theme that can be transmitted to the legionnaires; and (3) do not use the forthcoming anti-monster television for anything other than class use.

Rule one is easy. Nico and Jason break the second and third rules within two weeks of the first course.

“I can’t believe you even suggested this,” Nico whispers.

The classroom where “Culture In Film” takes place is silent after hours. At the front of the room towers an 80-inch, Imperial Gold television, the most eye-catching thing in the room. Just below it, there's a box Nico distantly recognizes. A DVD player — Demigod Video Discs, optimized for playback on magical TV screens. This, too, is constructed out of Imperial Gold. No doubt the TV and DVD player combined are imbued with some combination of enchantments designed to make them undetectable to monsters.

“I'm not a praetor anymore,” Jason replies, approaching the DVD player. “What can they do? Kick me out of the legion? Half the time I'm at Camp Half-Blood anyway.”

“Not sure that argument will hold up in front of the Senate,” Nico theorizes, but he's not really worried. In fact, he kind of loves that Jason was so committed to having a movie night with Nico that he was willing to break the rules for it.

“Then let's just not get caught,” Jason says.

That works for Nico. Their emergency escape route is to shadow-travel out, but since Nico shadow-traveled them in, he's hoping it doesn't come to that. Even the short distance from barracks to classroom has his eyes drooping. If he tries it again, he's liable to pass out.

Jason kneels and examines the DVD player. “Do I just…put it in?”

“I guess?” Nico peers at the player and the TV. “We should probably turn on the TV.”

“That would be smart.”

Nico feels around for a button and finds it underneath the screen. When he presses it, the big black screen turns royal blue, and digital letters show a message onscreen: NO DISC DETECTED.

Nico and Jason exchange a look.

“Is it weird that I'm more stressed right now than I was when we fought Gaea?” Jason whispers.

Nico laughs. “We're not going to get caught, Jason.”

“I'm not worried about that. I just have no idea how to work this thing. What if I break it?”

“I'll do it,” Nico says, snatching the DVD case from Jason's hands. Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, another “must-see” from Piper that didn't make the curriculum cut. According to Jason, when he told her he'd never even heard of it, she got Leo to modify a disc for their benefit and demanded he find some way to watch it. Nico, having also never heard of it, got roped into the deal by some combination of Charmspeak and standard-issue Jason Grace-ness.

Nico removes the disc and takes a breath. “Here goes nothing.”

As soon as the disc is in the player, the machine whirs. The screen turns black again. Nico and Jason take a united step backwards.

“Isn't there supposed to be a remote?” Jason asks. At the word remote, a panel from the top of the DVD player opens up. Inside is a remote. “Oh, sweet.”

“Come on,” Nico says, throwing himself onto the nearest couch. Romans and their couches. They're an indulgent breed, these Romans, but in times like these Nico appreciates that.

“Is it playing?” Jason questions, and just then, a deafening blast of orchestral sound erupts from the TV. Jason yelps and staggers backwards, and Nico cracks himself up. “Okay! It's playing!”

“Sit down, Superman.”

Jason sits down. He takes the spot right next to the armest. Nico would never take the armrest seat. He likes to have an escape route. He's special like that.

(“Traumatized,” whatever. Tomato, to-mah-to.)

“So far so good,” Jason says, offering an arm, kind of gesturing at Nico to come closer. Nico obliges. Jason doesn't mind being trapped, which is his own prerogative. So Nico takes up every inch of space on Jason's free side. He's not so small anymore, but he fits right up under Jason's arm like the dark half of a yin and yang symbol.

“Nothing's happened yet,” he points out.

Jason just squeezes his shoulders. “I'm having a movie night with my boyfriend. Like a regular teenager. Everything is great from where I'm standing.”

“Let's not be hasty. The movie could still suck.”

“Wouldn't matter.”

“It'd matter to me,” Nico says haughtily. “I'm putting a lot of faith in Piper.”

“She seemed absolutely confident we would both like this movie.”

“So imagine how foolish she'll feel if we don't.”

“I'm starting to think your attitude is the problem.” Jason grins. “Open your mind, Nico.”

“I'm open-minded!”

“And shut up,” Jason adds. “‘Cause we've already missed the beginning and I don't know how to rewind this thing.”

“Not my fault,” Nico says. “I was just—”

Jason shuts him up by occupying his mouth with Jason's mouth, which is a proven top-five strategy for getting Nico to stop talking.

“Okay,” he says. And kisses Jason again. It's never any less awesome. “Shutting up.”

The movie keeps playing. Nico settles into Jason with his whole body and thinks about how this is the first time he's ever watched a movie with a boyfriend, and how absolutely astonishing that is, by itself. Even if it does suck, he figures there are worse things in the world than watching a bad movie with your boyfriend.

In fact, there might not be many things better.

#jasicobingochallenge2024 #fanfiction #jasico #jason grace #nico di angelo #jasico fic #pjo #pjo fic #percy jackson fic #fic #my fic #if youre reading this grey...this isnt the fic i was dming you about last night #this one is fine but that one . ill post it later or more likely tomorrow #THAT one......get ready. this one just enjoy #ive been sitting on it for a couple days bc i was judging myself for my stupid decision making lmao #in doing this specific prompt canonverse #when it would have made INFINITELY more sense to make it an AU #literally any other au. that isnt the Demigods Who Have No Technology universe aka canon #but we make do #btw piper is definitely one of those people whos like 'you havent seen [popular movie]??? clear ur calendar we're watching it right tf now'#old man jason and older man nico versus the horrors (a regular television)

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thedragonemperess · 3 months

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Sometimes my online life and my real life intersect and it's always in the wildest ways possible

#MY IRLS ARE READING SMUTFIC THAT IVE WRITTEN AND SENDING ME VIDEO REACTIONS #IVE WRITTEN SMUTFIC TWICE #ONCELER/READER SMUTFIC THAT I WROTE FOR A MUTUAL #(ONE OF THEM C R I E D)#AND HUMANIZED PIXAR CARS FANFICTION THAT I WROTE FOR MY EXBOYFRIEND #IN WHICH CHICK HICKS GETS FUCKED BY TEX DINOCO LYNDA WEATHERS AND STRIP WEATHERS IN THAT ORDER AND THEN LATER IMPLIED ALL AT ONCE #(THE SAME ONE THAT CRIED IS GOING ON ABOUT HOW GOOD MY DIALOGUE IS AND IS LITERALLY GIGGLING WHAT IS HAPPENING)#and then of course some of them have been through this before because theyve actually read the onceler smut before this is them rereading i #because the original video i have of it came up in my snapchat memories #but were talking about it in a GROUPCHAT #and there are OTHER FRIENDS IN THIS GROUPCHAT #so the OTHER FRIENDS are sitting here like 'i didnt know you had this in you tony this just never seemed like you'#so im like 'is this how i got disowned from the friendgroup? on the basis of cringefail pornographic fanfiction ive written?'#and one of them goes 'as if wed disown you im more cringe than you are'#and a different one is like 'yeah weve seen worse'#it is a SUNDAY NIGHT #marankton speaks because why not #anyway

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bobmckenzie · 4 months

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me: people are way too vain we really need to stop putting so much stock into our appearances it's not that serious

also me: cuts my hair too short and feels PHYSICALLY ILL over it

#sorry if ive been behind on tagged posts this is why. bc ive been drowning in self pity over the dumbest ''problem'' ever ksdjhfkhsf #i meant to TRIM it and ended up cutting it to my fcking shoulders. worst rated hairdresser asmr roleplay video type mistake here.#my hair grows ridiculously fast itll literally be fine in like 2 months and yet im still like 😑 every time i look in the mirror #im just so mad at myself cause its been so many years since i screwed it up like this 🧍‍♀️#AND MY SELF ESTEEM WAS DOING SO WELL LATELY!! APPARENTLY THE UNIVERSE THOUGHT I NEEDED TO BE HUMBLED.#i keep telling myself bob would think it's cute but also i probably wouldn't even let him see it 💀#like i'm gonna be rocking ponytails and claw clips daily until march lol it just doesn't sit right at this length 😔👍#caitiechat

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roaringheat · 8 months

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155 hours into rdr2 and I just found out you can break down small birds in your inventory for feathers

#vark posts #IM SO BAD AT HUNTING....#i wanted to get Arthur a fancy hat accessory and was like 'why tf arent these pigeons giving me feathers'#i literally have been wanting to get this accessory since i saw it when i first started playing #and ur telling me i just needed to break the fuckin birds down #ive literally been sitting at this damn bridge for an hour sniping birds #riveting gameplay #v live blogging #rdr2

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evankinard · 4 months

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hey, don't cry. my brother's puppy, okay?

#i miss the feeling of making this piece like a limb #the high of sitting down for hours on end focused creating something literally please please please let me get another hit ill do anything #my only 2023 resolution is gonna be finishing that godforsaken embroidery ive been working on since senior year #that was supposed to be my final project but i just forgot to submit anything💀#although it was also technically responsible for me starting 911 so maybe fate had its reasons

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incorrect-ikevamp-quotes · 1 year

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Comte’s Drama CD: Track Two, An Extraordinarily Elegant Awakening

All right, I gotta preface this one with the content warning that it is so domestic fluff it may induce cardiac arrest. I haven’t recovered and it’s been like two months, so take that as you will. The title is pretty self explanatory on this one, in that it’s basically a morning between Comte and MC, and he brings her breakfast in bed.

I will say this one is less meta only because I spent most of it squealing and/or hiding my face in glee LMAO. I’m weak to the man of my dreams, sue me Additionally most of it is just Comte being so on brand of like: “share my time with MC with others????? In my me????? It’s less likely than you think--” That also includes being the most doting and affectionate husband ever, which is the only kind of energy I want in my life. (It keeps making me think of that post that goes something like “goth husbands who are hopelessly in love with their wives is the only vibe I enjoy in hetero couples.”)

Anywho, enjoy the translation and fangirling beneath the cut! I put the sound effects in brackets, because leaving them out felt criminal to Comte stans everywhere~

Mm…morning already…

My dear lover… (HE SAYS ITOSHII WAAAAAAAH)

[chuckle]...You’re still dreaming

…you look awfully happy and cozy. I wonder what kind of dream you’re having?

[giggle] Since your lips are smiling, it must be a nice dream.

Just looking at you is enough to fill me with delight too…

Besides, I can’t help but think I’m the only one who gets to see this cute sleeping face. Just a few more minutes…

Literally what more can be said than him being the sweetest man alive. The affection????? Wants her all to himself as much as possible????? Just waking up to her beside him is enough to make him overjoyed?????? Anybody got some tissues sobsob I just love him sm 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[kiss sound] To witness this kind of defenseless position is a lover’s privilege alone… (👀)

Since that wasn’t enough to wake you up, I’ll do it again… [kiss sound]

…Oh, [giggle] did you wake up?

Are you awake, princess…? (ohimesama) Good morning~ [kiss sound]

Haha, a good morning kiss was enough to make you blush…you’re so adorable.

With such a sweet greeting, you’ll make me want to do it over and over again.

Okay but I gotta tell y’all. I was re-listening to see if there was anything else I wanted to convey and like. The way his voice is a little sleepy and wispy at the beginning, just super content/relaxed/indulging. Then she wakes up and you can just hear the YAYAYAYAYAYAY SHE’S AWAKE. OKAY, BE CHARMING PERFECT LOVER I WANNA SEE HER BLUSH AAAAAAAAA, and I just. That’s so adorable???? I’m dying????

He’s so playful and giddy????? So many kisses????? Excited for her to wake up????? It’s so bad for my heart???? Truly nobody does romance like them, 11/10 I gleefully kick my feet every time I listen to it. Damn, me too MC, if I woke up to that every morning I would be error 404 shut down blush constantly

Also that first line. For lack of better words to describe my thoughts, BOW CHICKA WOW WOW. But more seriously I do love how much he prizes and respects the vulnerability that’s shared between lovers. This isn’t the first indication of it by far, but something about the deep value he places in intimacy and sincerity shared between them hits different in the best way. I guess, as a pretty serious and sensitive person myself, I can’t help but appreciate the same sentiments reflected in him.

[many, many kisses] Well, if you wanted a deeper kiss, of course I’m happy to oblige…now, what do you want to do? [seductive whisper, Horie-san have mercy]

I’m sorry. Don’t turn away, I won’t tease you anymore (THE WAY HE INSTANTLY BACKTRACKS. WHEN I TELL YOU I WHEEZED AND THEN COOED)

…I’m sorry for being mean. (STOP I’M YELLING THE PLEADING, HONEY YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. I CAN FEEL THE DROOPING DOG EARS)

I don’t mean to make excuses…but I can’t help but think you’re the cutest. (that is the best excuse ever, and in the sexiest pout voice imaginable, you are forgiven)

Now that you’re awake, let’s have breakfast soon…I know, would you like to have breakfast in bed?

[chuckle] Well...because I still want to have you all to myself. [kiss sound, more sultry murmur] It’s okay once in a while, isn’t it?

I can’t get over how fast he’s like masaka when she turns around because she’s overwhelmed by his teasing, it’s so funny to me. She’s not mad, Comte!!! You’re just too powerful!!! Have mercy, she's just a human woman!!!! And not only that, he tells her two seconds later he wants her all to himself. When I say he has me by the throat, figuratively ofc because SOMEBODY keeps his fangs to himself--

If that’s the case…I’ll get breakfast ready then.

You should stay in bed a little longer, I’ll be right back.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Is it alright if I come in?

Sorry for the delay, I’ve brought you breakfast.

A freshly baked baguette, and omelets from Sebastian--

and our favorite morning teas, of course.

It’s a special breakfast for an exceptionally elegant morning.

Okay the way I snickered when he mentioned the baguette, the man really do be like “world cold and sad, baguette warm and soft.” Is this part of why he’s obsessed with MC’s thighs?

Come on over and eat. I’ll feed you, so open wide.

We’ll start with the omelet…it was just finished, so we’ll have to cool it down first.

[He’s blowing on it lmfao]

[laughter] There’s no need to be embarrassed, is there? It’s just me and you here. Come now, don’t be shy…

[chuckle]….That’s a good girl. Yes, aaah…

[laughter]…Ah, I’m sorry. You just look so pleased to eat it, I can’t help but wonder.

You taught me that smiles can even emerge in such everyday moments. (the fondness in his voice I 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭)

Yes, next time I’ll feed you potage…aaah (OPPORTUNIST Ò//Ó)

…is it good? Haha, [BOYISH LAUGHTER SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP] that’s good. I’m glad you like it.

I can’t believe I get to see your happy face this close first thing in the morning…I think today will be a good day.

I’ve specially planned our day together today, so I hope you enjoy it.

…let’s have a great day together, shall we? [kiss sound]

Honestly MC deserves more credit for not imploding on the spot, I know I’m not strong enough to be faced with all that and not literally become the PANIK meme. I love him more than life itself but that does not mean I’m ready to be doted on--

I have to say though, I really am touched by relationships that are built on little, day-to-day pleasures like this. The way he’s just happy to share mundane things with her, that every day together is a gift. The idea that her smile is enough, that he simply loves to be with her and look after her. Every time Comte manages to far exceed my expectations. (KING OUR EXPECTATIONS WERE ON THE FLOOR AND Y E T--) Well played, monsieur, well played. I concede defeat 👑

#ikemen vampire #ikevamp #ikevamp comte #ikevamp saint germain #ikevamp translations #fangdad propaganda #literally every time i read through the transcript i made i have to lie down #like??????? hello????????#the man is just full to bursting with affection #it's a wonder i haven't developed more cavities #and his laughter???????#he's so cute idfk how im supposed to cope ashfjkdlgfdhjflsdhkjkhjdfg #so many kisses too **covers face**#ive always been a big fan of getting cozy in bed and lazy mornings so this was devastatingly on brand for me #if you'll excuse me ill be sitting here and wondering when my time will come #comte out here worried about mc dying when one day he will be the c a u s e SMFH #enjoy and stay tuned for part 3! c:

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