#im just a bit frustrated today

[normalbirb]

Having adhd is like being stuck in rooms with no exits and then told by neurotypicals i should have just done like them and walked through a door

#im just a bit frustrated today #there were things i wanted to get done today but instead ive just been sitting in my chair waiting for my brain to allow me to do SOMETHING #like literally ive just been sitting #nothing else #stuck in my head trying to at least do smth i enjoy #like i wanna draw #but nooooooo my brain had to load for 2hours before i could do even that #adhd #neurodivergent

[jils-things]

by the lighthouse.

dividers

#alright i suppose i should tell what's up lately! im mostly posting this like a mini update or whatever haha #so - since i made that last post on my disappearance i worked endlessly to finish my animation project and thank goodness it's finally over #i had to take a break from trying to be social here and just stay in my own space and i did that by having a smaller side blog to ramble #the project was very... tiring - definitely took out so much energy from me post physically and mentally and i was just frustrated everyday #so i just took my time to be alone with a few close people and i like to think im okay now? #i like to think so - since i was able to deliver a few commission drafts today so i'm relieved that im back to my usual pace #I'll post a few of my doodles here i did during my project just to fill the void haha #i've acquired a minor familial from another video game and i care for him a lot :] idk ill bother to talk abt it here but yeah thats funnn #also indulging a lil bit of t.n.m.n content as of late also thanks to my friend who knows abt it hehe #soo yeah! I don't know if ill be active like the usual but know that i'm doing alright now! hope everyone's doing okay too xoxo #ill probably still stay in my smaller blog for a little longer but will occasionally pop in here! #sooo yaaa #~ art #♥️ memoryshipping #also yea i think no.rton only had like. 10 days worth of being the blog brand here until i switched back to the usual guy lmaooo sorry 😔

[prototypelq]

I HAVE HALFWAY WROTE A DEFEAT LETTER BUT I HAVE MANAGED TO FINALLY BEAT M19 SOS VERGIL Y E S FINALLY I WILL FREAKIN CRY TEARS OF JOY HERE

#I DID IT I DID IT I DID JT #i ran around like a freakin headless chicken in the end and IT PAYED OFF #oh freakin hell #ahaha now only to repeat this with nero who i haven't touched in about a year now ahahahaha #...st least he has better options for dealing with the clone #game even awarded me with s though there was nowhere near s gameplay to be found #i am a bit overwhelmed now #i am now fully realising Exactly How Far Away from a 'hardcore' gamer i am #can you believe i started the year thinking 'if i go slow and casual at it i think i could take on harder dmc5 difficulties' #i feel ready to go back in time and theottle that idiot #this was...not fun but it also kind of was only because dmc5 gameplay is so good and dante is amazing to play as #and vergil is a great opponent he makes you take the situation seriously but you also learn to start goofing off its great #however i am NOT built for this i am so freakin not built for this boss grind i came through only because i like dmc so much #and i felt like if i could spend even a fraction of my fandom time in the actual game i could be much better at it #there is a number of games I overplayed to the point of starting to hate them and where the frustration overwrote the initial joy i felt #i felt like ive given myself enough time because i started to feel that frustration about dmc5 and i decidedly do NOT want that game #to end up like those i love it and want to enjoy it further so i was ready to concede defeat today #turns out i just had to be a better chicken thats good as nero is next and he is an arguably better for chicken tactic #maybe ill finish this sos run after all i would be glad if i could manage that #also im this close to 3 million and i want the dance taunt at least for dante))) #phew what an evening #mutuals my beloved thank you for constantly cheering me and reading this i can't find the words to express how much i cherish your support #and thank you tumblr for allowing me an entire book in the tags section hellsite my beloved

[bunnihearted]

📓🖊️🧸

#i feel so lonely now bc i have no one to talk to sksksk #my sisters gets mad whenever i try to talk 2 mom and she just slammed doors nd got irritated at me #nd my mom is so stressed nd in a bad mood so she just got annoyed when i tried saying smth to her #so ig i should just vent to my bestfriend beloved diary confidant thats been here for me for 5yrs<3333 #anywayyy today was rough.. i woke up w a headache after 3hrs of sleep :(( #but still had to get up nd get ready nd eat boxed mashed potatoes for breakkyy 🤢🤮 (it's so gross after eating it everyday lol) #then w my hunchback nd achy stomach i went to school. it was frustrating bc ppl r so fkn rude #they bumped into me at the bus nd i had to sit like a weirdo caging my left stomach side from everyone. had to elbow some dumb fkn guy bc he #pressed his backpack into my side. so i had to basically push it away from me lol he thought i was so weird. but move tf away asshole?????? #got to school nd checked myself in the mirror nd i was so pale i look like absolute garbage its annoying :(( #it was next to insufferable to endure class bc my head hurt so bad (it was the worst part i think) nd i couldnt sit up straight so my back #hurt so bad too sksksks :< #but i managed to write a little but on my assignment #then i left a bit earlier bc i couldnt stand it anymore i was feeling so bad #wrnt to the library bc i had to return some books. could only carry two small ones tho so have to go back multiple times sksksk #felt soooo bad but ate some more disgusting mashed potatoes nd took a nap w an ice pack. took a migraine pill even if it upsets my stomach🤣 #now a few hours later i feel better physically #buuuuuut im so miserable im not even kidding #idc if it sound pathetic or fatty but genuinely that moment w a cup of coffee nd a small chocolate treat everyday makes me feel sm better #like im not kidding!!!!! it does a lot for my peace of mind sksksk T-T #im so miserable bc i cant eat anything still im so hungry :(( #and im weak. im pale. my skin's dry. it's itchy bc of malnutrition... i feel faint nd dizzy nd slow nd just not good at all #im so frustrated i hate this sm i wanna feel strong and healthy!! i dont wanna be constantly hungry. i wanna go to the gym nd go for walks #i wanna be able to sit up straight nd not get back pain!!! #i know i know it's only been 8 days since surgery and it takes time to heal i get it..... :( #but theres just too much going on and im so sick and tired of it all #mostly i just wanna be able to eat and feel strong bc i feel so weak nd i miss food so much sksksksk

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#i was looking through old photos today. they where from wjen i was like 1 and it made me so sad #bc my mum would have been like only a year or 2 older then i am now and she looked so young #and now she has an abdomen full of tumors and blistered hands and feet. theyre prob gonna hsve to remove her bladder #but shes still very pragmatic abt it. but she grew up in a house where no one really cared about her feelings so she made them small #and now her mother calls and doesn't ask how her grandkids are doing and doesn't ask how her daughter is doing. im cursed with terrible #grandparents on both sides but i resent my mothers mother worse. though my dad said i probably wouldnt have survived his upbringing #and hes right. my nana has like zero empathy and cant cook for shit. idk how my parents r so normal but the fact i had a good upbringing is #probably the only reason im still here. and thats the other thing that made me sad abt the old pics. just looking at this little baby with a #fucked up head and thinking: in 25 years that kid is gonna b so broken down their not gonns kno what to do or how to fix it. idk whats wrong #with me. ive always been some stage of miserable but i used to b able to get things done. and now i cant seem to force functionality #and it sucks. bc im home now and i still feel like im cringing around this open wound in my chest. but whatever #as of today ive started taking ab1lify. hopefully it helps in the long term but in the short term it triggers my 0cd. which is not fun #its so frustrating. whatever. i also found out my eyes used to not work together. not enough to have a lazy eye but it was hard for me to #read and apparently my eyes were tracking at like double the speed of a normal person. wtf is wrong with my brain? also also my mum was like #yea i never would have guessed bip0lar but we thought it was something. autism i could see 100% but yea didnt see that coming. ao i guess #i brehave like a bit of an oddball. ans my nana would bother my dad to try to make me participate in church and my dad was like no. she #clearly don't wanna b here lol. ay. they did the best they could which i appreciate #unrelated

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

head in hands . things need 2 stophappening i need a break

#dog snapped at me at work today. did not get bit or anything but hes a Big Dog and my hands are still very shaky #got home and found a bump on kotas head that was not there this morning and . maybe it is just the anxiety and exhaustion but #its reallyyyyy freaking me out #i dont. see anything . so it might just be fur but it doesnt Feel like fur and . aughg h hghghhghhhghghghhhhh #i cannot Do This rnnnnn #my worst client called me in for work at 6am tomorrow which is bullshit and also put in the notes #that their son is literally home ?!?!?!?!?!!?! but i still have to go and take care of their pets ?!?!?! #which is. extremely awkward and frustrating like Why Cant He Do It Hes Literally There #and their dog is. not very well trained and hes such a hassle to deal with. sigh #plus my grandparents are visiting and while i love them they are very much in . babysitter mode #which. i dont mind usually but god i have had the mkst stressful 3 days and all i want to do is sit in bed and watch adventure time #but even THAT isnt gonna make me feel better bc im into the like. sad arc. and thatll just make me feel sad and weird. :(

[youmearepeaches]

my total admiration for nurses and caretakers. I’ve spent a couple of days taking care of my grandma because my aunt and mom are on holidays and I ended up crying out of frustration

#like i take care of her sometimes but not usually the heavy stuff like hospital admitions and stuff #it’s just so much work? and I’m physically and emotionally exhausted #she’s old and i adore her because she basically raised me #but fuck it’s hard to deal with someone who doesn’t listen and want things exactly the way she wants them and won’t accept other options #I’m just really frustrated right now after spending 1 hours between calls because she touched something on the tv and it didn’t work #i ended up sobbing and with a little mealtdown and my cousin managed to fix the issue via phone call #i feel weak and a failure but i mentally need a break agter yesterday #it breaks my heart but I can’t spent more than a few hours with my grandparents without ending up being very very frustrated #which makes me feel like I’m an ungrateful bitch #anyway i don’t have any more energy today and it’s not even 1pm #i wish i could call someone to give me a hug and hold me while i cry for a bit #but i feel guilty about bothering the few friends i have so yeah #im gonna pour my feelings in a tumblr post like i used to do 10 years ago lmao

[izzy-b-hands]

shout out to ND for making it incredibly hard to get caught up on COVID boosters; I think that may be why this time having COVID is kicking my ass so hard

#text post #i at least have been getting up to go downstairs but today i don't even want that and i hate that #my throat is killing me and there is Zero energy in any limbs and i slept for shit #bc apparently at this stage i should have been sleeping sitting up to help the throat (i am sitting up in bed now aksnfkgn) #butterscotch weed hard candy do ur work and numb my throat a bit pls #it keeps it from hurting as much and my god i have never been more grateful for weed aksndkfng #thank travis for travis but instead it's thank ppl who fought for legalization for it being legalized #i feel so lazy!!! sitting in bed!! gnashing teeth and frustration!!! #there is i think? a woodpecker outside tho and that's so cool #bc the last one i saw and heard was at my great aunt and great grandmothers place while they were both still alive #they claimed to hate the guy but after the fake owl didn't scare him off he just got to Stay aksndkfng #aunt Betty and great granma pls lend me some strength here bc im a Baby TM when sick like this aksndkgngn

[catfishofoldin99colours]

I had the most horrendous afternoon and all I want to do is play Minecraft and watch my silly little videos but I can't do that because my fucking laptop is broken

#catfish speaks #im so over today #i woke up in a bad mood and it just got worse #ended by having another fucking cry in the office about my job #im so tired of being disablrd #and being the one at fault BECAUSE im disabled #it's so fucking frustrating i hate it #and now i have a headache but im too bored to avoid my phone for now #i want something to entertain me and not have to think about anything for a bit #im so goddamn tired #i hate today

[marinaiguess]

marina get better at painting/coloring/shading challenge, level impossible

#i was practicing a bit today #and then i realized i just keep doing the same thing again and again #i also looked at lighting references #but yeah im still bad #i guess practice makes better. sure #but im a bit frustrated is all #i wanna have smn ready for fire kitty friday and i want it to be good:(

[the-silli3st-girl-in-the-world]

ok imma rant just to process this and get it out of the way, but the universe is really playing in my face right now. Everyone, literally EVERYONE is in some sort of romantic endeavor, except for me, i have not been asked out, nor oggled in anyway past February bro, and its starting to make me doubt myself, like am i not attractive enough? am I ugly? too intimidating to approach?? idk whats wrong with me, and seeing all these couples together boo'd up all in love has me in some sort of deep envy. And it makes me upset, Although my first relationship was ass, I do miss having someone that would hold me and kiss me and do all that romantic stuff. I love friends so very much dont get me wrong, and they make me very happy, but sometimes I want that intimacy and its very rare to get that with friends, its those small moments that pass by so fleetingly :/ like today I basically half cuddled with a friend of mine, and its like I will never do that again.

I think Im just lacking in intimacy and usually the best place to find that is through a romantic partner, because with friends its so rare to find that :(, I know this makes me look desperate and pathetic but idc im human, I wish someone will just approach me already, I wish someone who is my dream person will approach me and ask me out and be perfect for me in every way because I'm so picky, Hurry up and find me already, please, I just need more intimacy.

#entry.txt #a bit of a human rant #i've been holding this in for like 2 months now 😭 #and its like im tired #and this is me spilling out ny frustrations today so I can move past it #Im not mad at anyone im just hoping that my happy ending comes soon #because idk why im falling behind

[ratatatlas]

I went off today because I'm so tired of people asking me "but will you die?" when I ask if I can have food of some sort, because I'm diabetic.

Like why do people not learn even a shred of what I say??

Why would I ask for something if it would be bad for me??

Why are you treating me like a fragile little shard of glass???

I've only been doing this for 4 years and will do it the rest of my life. I think I will probably know if I'm going to die.

Use a little critical thinking but ALSO listen when I tell you things!!! About my chronic illness!! No one ever bothers to listen!!! Aaaa!!!

#im not that mad just a little perturbed #i know i make jokes about it but im tired of being treated like even eating a tiny bit of sugar will cause me to die #people act like a single drop of soda touching my tongue is going to cause me to go into diabetic shock #im just frustrated by it today because that happened like multiple times from different people #and a couple of them were close friends and it bothers me that people just dont learn #listen to the chronically ill/disabled and please learn when they share information okay #type one diabetic #chronic illness #diabetic #rant post

[gibbearish]

vent

#had an issue a while ago where my bf was leaving his dirty clothes in piles on the floor which is fine except when the piles #are kept in the same room as the litterbox and the cat takes that as a cue to start pissing in piles of clothes #so i told him he couldnt do it anymore he said ok and then a bit later i caught the cat right as he was abt to piss in said clothes again #and when i was like 'hey i said you cant do this it can ruin your clothes if it gets left there' and he was like 'oh yeah i know but it's #my clothes so that's a risk i just decided to take' which uhhhh No????? no in so many ways????????? #but i didnt process how wack that is at the time so i just moved on and was like 'no but for real you cant do this anymore like not #a suggestion like legit This Cannot Continur Happening bc the end of this road is that the cat learns pissing in clothes piles is #ok whenever he wants' which did actually get him to stop but that was apparently enough learning time for mr carrot #we've had a few issues with it not toooo bad but its definitely been getting steadily more frequent #anyways guess whose electric blanket got pissed in today bc he left it in a pile on the floor and taught the cat its ok to piss in those #im having trouble giving a shit about it in the ways i should #like. idc that the blanket is maybe ruined #when he bought it he said it was for both of us but its just his so like idc but what i AM feeling is mad at him #cause like. i told him not to #and i shouldn't have HAD to tell him not to‚ 'the cat is pissing in my clothes so i will make it no longer possible for that to happen' #should be a no brainer i cannot imagine going 'welp i guess if it happens it happens' ITS PISS IN YOUR CLOTHES SITTING STALE FOR #WHO KNOWS HOW LONG and now we have to be hypervigilant abt Any Fabric Ever and who knows if itll escalate even further #hes already escalated from exclusively floor fabric to pissing in MY clothes that i was keeping on a table #like. the next stop is obviously couches/beds but like once they learn something its real hard to train them not to #and im just. frustrated that this is just gonna be yet another thing i have to deal with all the time when he shouldve just #Not Decided It Was Fine For The Cat To Piss In His Clothes In The First Place Hello?????!!! #but i also feel bad bc i feel like im holding a grudge about something small but i also Cant Let It Go #usually when the thing im mad abt is something insignificant its annoying for a bit then i let go but im just like !!!!!! what the fuck!!!! #idk. whatever #its his problem now idk how to get the heating psrt separate from the blanket part so i just sprayed some urine enzyme #on it and he can figure out wtf to do with in once he gets home in like two hours #and if thats too long and the smell gets baked in. oh well i guess #he hasnt been able to smell since we got covid anyways so like. its whatever i guess he can stew in a cat piss blanket if he wants #but i also cant tell if this is just a side effect of my General Irritability over the last few months and i really am mad abt nothing #ESPECIALLY because i keep saying it doesnt really directly effect me at this point then its like ok why are you so mad abt it then

[steampoweredskeleton]

😡

#delete later #i wanted to do more cosplay prop work today but ive had to rest my hand #been icing it and downing ibuprofen and its definitely better than this morning. i can bend it just past 90° but going to a fist #still not doing. somethjng is inflamed in there and keeping it from bending fully. figured out it wasnt the actual jount popping #out but just the tendon popping out of place for a second bc of the inflammation #so thats probably good #its been niggly painful but this kinda pain im not too bad with. as long as i use my other hand for a lot of stuff im fine #should be mostly chill bt tomorrow and defo fine by monday #the skin i ripped off with trans tape is also healing quick so reapplying it tomorrow should be good. abd i bought removal stuff #so i dont get frustrated abd just pull it off #knee is actually not too bad. its achey and bad in the mornings but im not limping too bad and can stand for a bit so that's a win #overall: body is breaking but i guess its fine

[whattheheckmidoriya]

I know I said I'd answer the asks for the fic writer game, but I'm truly in a gloomy mood right now

I'm sorry— I'll get to them tomorrow, promise 💕

#so much for ending today on a nice note :") #im fine btw! just frustrated #and a bit tired #here's to hoping tomorrow will be better! #pau talks

[letstalkaboutfandomsbaby]

I have had just the worst day and i need to be held and babied and fucked gently until i fall asleep :(

#☀️ shitposts #started with a pounding headache that I've had since yesterday #our washing machine is broken and my family promised they would fix it today but they pushed it off by several hours #my cramps made me feel sick #family started getting frustrated with washing machine and were pretty much fighting which stressed me out #i tried to soothe things and help fix the situation #cut to me sweating like a pig trying to get this stupid wire around this rubber thing #broke a nail in the process #cried a bit #finally got it on but idk if it even works bc we need some other parts #im shaky and anxious and tired and i just want clean clothes i want everything to go back to normal :( #i always feel so dumb for being upset when i break a nail :( #but I've been trying so hard to grow them back to what they used to be :( #but getting upset over it makes me feel like a spoiled brat :( #im having a really hard time rn i want a do-over for the whole day