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greentrickster · 10 months

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Okay, all you aspiring writers out there following my blog listen up, I’m about to lore drop something y’all may need to hear.

Now, I’m a Writer, capital letter and everything. It’s not my profession, it’s just what I am, simple as that. I’m thirty-five as I type this, and I’ve been writing for twenty-three of those years. Made the shift from someone who just does essays and stories and stuff for school to someone who Writes when I was twelve and decided, “I am going to write a Novel.”

Which I did.

Took me four years to finish, a hundred pages on Microsoft Word, single space, because that’s how long I thought it needed to be if it was going to be a novel.

And, y’all.

It’s bad.

Like, so bad.

Like, “I’m not even going to tell you what it’s about, only that it exists, this is a chapter of my life to be mentioned in passing, you will see no more, the way is shut, it was made by the dead and the dead keep it” levels of bad.

While I was doing this, I also wrote a lot of poetry. Some of that was okay. One of my ADHD powers is having a very good ear for both rhyme and rhythm, which is enough to get you labeled as the class poet in 5th grade.

You won’t be seeing any of that either.

It’s not on par with the novel, but like... no one needs to be exposed to my teen-years poetry with the knowledge that that’s what it is.

Being a 1988 model, I didn’t discover fanfiction until about 2006. I was eighteen. The first thing I wrote was an absolute crack!fic that people enjoyed at the time, but which none of you will ever see without accessing the dark web or something similar because I’ve removed it from the legitimate internet. In fact, maybe just kind of treat anything of mine that I wrote before 2010 with extreme caution. And, even then, it’s not until 2014 that we get to my works that are still online which I look back at and go, “That? I’m still really proud of.”

It wasn’t until 2015/2016 that I started seeing myself not as someone who wanted to be a writer, but who already was one.

And it wasn’t until I was a decent start into writing my second mega!fic in 2020 that I looked down and realized that I might be writing something really special. Something that I was so proud of that I didn’t care that it was fanfiction, I was willing to talk to random people about it, because I felt so good and confident about what I was writing.

And that’s actually the point I’m trying to make. When people like me say, “Oh yeah, I’ve been writing for twenty-three years,” it’s not a statement of “Lol, I’m better than you, I’ve been at the top of my game forever, you’ll never catch up.” It’s a statement of, “Writing is a cumulative activity. If I’m good now, it’s because I’ve been doing this for a very long time, maybe longer than you’ve been alive. Look at where twenty-three years of work and practice have gotten me. And, much more importantly... think about where you are right now, and where twenty-three years of work, practice, and life experience will get you.”

Because there are a lot of young writers who I would absolutely consider my equals, don’t think I don’t see you there on AO3 and other places! And that’s what I always wonder when I think of how old you are compared to how old I am. Many of you are so much farther along the path of honing your skills than I was at your age... how much farther along will you be when you’re my age? Keep working at it and you’ll only get better, gain more polish, shine brighter. So many of you are already gems, and it’s my very dear hope that I’ll get to watch you become stars.

#writing stuff #writing advice #writers

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 5 months

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AITA for not wanting to play DnD with a teenager?

So I (22F) am in college and after classes I like to play DnD with four of my friends, Ricky (21M), Tara (21F) Lola (22F) and Julie (20F)

Well recently Tara's little sister Ashley (15F) has been hanging out at Tara's apartment, where we usually have our game sessions, after school. Like for about two weeks now. Tara says its because her mother got a new job and doesnt get off work until 7pm so Ashley stays at the apartment from 4pm till about 7:30pm when her mother comes to pick her up.

4 pm is when our game sessions start most of the time (depending on if any of us have night classes that day or not) which means we now have a literal child watching us play. And because of that Tara has asked that we tone down the game sessions to be more "appropriate" and we also cant get drunk until Ashley leaves (which is stupid because Julie is under 21 and we can drink around her just fine but whatever) frankly I didnt mind the constant audience since Ashley was far more interested in watching us play than watching TV or playing on Tara's switch.

Well apparently just watching wasnt good enough for the brat because when i got to Tara's apartment for a game, Ashley was sitting at our table, excitedly filling out a character sheet while chattering nonstop with Ricky and Lola (Julie wasn't coming this time she had the stomach flu)

I naturally asked what she was doing because she normally just watched. Ashley gave me a confused look and said that she was joining our game like we had apparently talked about in our groupchat the night prior. Ricky and Lola both backed her up and showed the groupchat.

I had seen the messages but I thought Tara was joking about adding a literal child that doesnt even have a learners permit to our game that we had been continuing for three months now. I naturally went to go confront Tara.

She said that I agreed to let Ashley join in and if I didn't want to play with her I could've just not come.

Is she fucking serious?

What kind of sane person would want to play with a literal child and its edgy as fuck character (like the character was a wolf necromancer dressed in all black with two random scars across its chest. You could smell the hot topic radiating from this cringefest)

Tara refused to listen to reason and instead insisted that Ashley can play just for tonight and if i didnt like it I could leave.

I had no choice to stay and play

It was so fucking miserable.

The brat was constantly making stupid mistakes and dragging the whole party down with her. We constantly had to stop so Ricky (our DM) could explain things that should've been obvious because Ashley was too stupid to actually figure it out. My character was having to bail her's out near constantly. It was getting to the point where I just wanted to legitimately slap Ashley. I didnt because Tara would absolutely murder me but oh the temptation was strong.

And the worst part? I was the only one who seemed to be upset that our game was being completely thrown off course. Ricky, Lola and Tara took all of Ashley's many many fuck ups in stride and actually seemed to be enjoying it.

I have no idea why, that game was a train wreck

After an hour of hell Ricky called it quits for the day.

Which was weird because we usually go well into the night most of the time. Once the game was over Tara grabbed me by the arm and led me to the kitchen.

She asked me what the hell my problem was because it was apparently MY fault the game went so poorly and not the literal child's.

So I let her have it.

I told her it was a stupid idea to let her dumbass sister play with us, that Ashley shouldnt be playing with adults and its stupid to expect us to bow to the whims of a fifteen year old. I told her I never wanted to play with stupid bitch ass of a sister ever again.

I left the apartment after that.

This morning I was removed from the groupchat and all my friends have blocked me

Except for Lola, who has been going off on me in dms all day, calling me a horrible person, transphobic, a bully and a bitch. Every name in the book. None of them are talking to me and Julie, who wasn't even there keeps calling me an asshole and says i should apologize

AITA? I dont think i did anything wrong but everyone else thinks I did

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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gffa · 1 year

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You know what? I had a good time with the Mando s3 premiere! It legitimately was a lot of fun to watch and I found I couldn’t wait to get on-line and make shitposts about it, which is the truest sign of my affection for something.

How could I hate that they chose the objectively funniest route for explaining Grogu’s return happening in a completely separate series: DON’T EXPLAIN SHIT. THROW YOUR AUDIENCE IN THE DEEP END OF THE POOL. SINK OR SWIM, ASSHOLES.

There were purrgils! We all know we’re never getting a proper Rebels sequel, but I will take the small crumb of seeing my beloved space whales.

Greef Karga’s fashion game is ON POINT, that man was looking absolutely fucking fine, finally we have a worthy cape successor to Lando Calrissian. The man brought along two droids to keep the hem of his cape off the floor, for fuck’s sake. #ICONIC

KALEVALA IN LIVE ACTION!?!? GASP.

Bo-Katan’s wig is a THOUSAND PERCENT BETTER this season, like where the fuck was this previously, this looks so much more like her!

Speaking of my beloved hot mess of a wife who is also a bitch: I am THRIVING with how angry and messy she is, lounging around on her family’s throne in the castle on Kalevala like she doesn’t care, when she is burning with how much she cares. Everyone has abandoned Mandalore, she feels utterly defeated, and she is so angry but so broken about it. Girl, I am making you some soup right this minute, even though I know you’re just going to throw it at the wall in a fit of anger. Love you, gorgeous.

GROGU DOING THE SPINNY THING AND LAUGHING, SPEED DEMON BABY IS BACK

I thought I was going to hate the Anzellans being put in this, but the MINUTE they started talking and going “Bad baby.” I was irl cackling, PUT THOSE GUYS IN EVERYTHING, THEY ARE HILARIOUS.

Grogu trying to squeeze one of the Anzellans because he wanted a pet was TOP TIER COMEDY.

And on the opposite end of the emotional scale, jesus FUCK IG-11′s torso crawling across the floor to try to kill a baby, practically fucking skittering at warp speed, was TERRIFYING.

I had a good time! I have affection for everyone in this bar! That’s all I’m gonna ask of this show.

#the mandalorian #the mandalorian spoilers #din djarin #grogu #bo katan kryze #greef karga #meta #i make myself laugh and that's all that's important

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fangirleaconmigo · 2 months

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I've been going through some of your posts about Geralt and Dandelion's friendship in the books recently because... well I'm back in my book/game phase I guess and I really wanted to know if there are any other Dandelion friendships you like from the books and why? Like him and Zoltan or with the other Hansa etc? [Personally I'm a big fan of what little we see of him with Regis and it always makes me weepy that he wrote a biography about him in the games and fondly remarks abt him smelling like herbs all the time]

Awww yayy thanks for spending some time on the ol blog. I absolutely love this question. I don't get to talk enough about Emiel Regis Rohellec Terzieff-Godefroy, and his relationship with Dandelion (for the newbies, that is Jaskier's name in the books) is so lovely.

Dandelion and Friendships

For those who are just joining us, Tea is talking about my series about Geralt and Dandelion's friendship in the books.

I have also written posts about Dandelion's friendships with Ciri and Zoltan:

Dandelion and Ciri

Dandelion and Zoltan

And for this post, I'll focus on Regis and Dandelion's friendship, which I absolutely love.

Dandelion and Regis Friendship (books)

What really strikes me about Regis and Dandelion, is just how patient and kind Regis is with Dandelion. Sometimes it is almost like he’s dealing with a child he cares about. Considering Regis’s age (over four centuries old), Dandelion (approx in his thirties when they meet) IS a child.

On top of that, Dandy’s personality is rife with traits often associated with kids:

insatiable curiosity to the point where he endangers his own life, (when they go into the forest or sea, Geralt has to essentially, follow right behind him like you would a toddler),

hyper enthusiasm about every discovery he makes, (he whispers in awe when he sees mandrake for the first time, that’s just how he reacts to everything new)

his inability to censor himself or stop asking questions even when everyone else wants him to shut up (he will ask until he understands, no matter the social cues happening)

the way he will act incredibly transparent and awkward while thinking he is being subtle and smooth

Perhaps that is why Regis seems to be so indulgent of him. And somehow their personalities just fit naturally.

Regis’s most annoying trait is to lecture people at length like a professor and cut people off who are asking a question, since he is too eager to answer it. The vampire loves to hold forth on a topic.

Dandelion’s annoying trait (one of many, bless, we know he can't keep it in his pants either) is to ask questions incessantly. In that way, they really kind of fit together.

Geralt loses patience when Dandelion is being socially inappropriate by asking too many questions. Geralt really values discretion and manners.

Regis is more willing to spend time explaining things and to open up.

Early in the hansa's time together, (before he manages to surprise folks several times over) Dandelion is often seen as the one who is in way over his head. Everyone else is a warrior or a soldier. Dandelion is the soft one. To add to the indignity, Geralt is angry at him during Baptism of Fire because Dandelion keeps forcing him to make friends (well, to ask for help)

Yet Regis, the new guy, is the one who always makes sure Dandelion isn't embarrassed or ashamed.

Here’s a few examples.

When Dandelion is given a bloody head wound by an arrow, the poet is howling and shrieking. He thinks he's dead already. He is not a stoic man. It is played comedically, but Geralt is also legitimately terrified that he will lose Dandelion. That bit is not played comedically.

But given the circumstances, the rest of them could be forgiven for rolling their eyes at the poet's dramatics.

But Regis (who is treating his wounds as the resident barber surgeon) does not.

Regis speaks to him so soothingly, and kindly. (I am omitting the Geralt dramz because I will get off topic lol)

Dandelion groaned and took a sharp intake of breath....

“I’ll put in a few stitches,” Regis said...”Be brave, Dandelion.”

Dandelion was brave.

“Almost done here,” Regis said, setting about bandaging the victim’s head. “Don’t you worry, Dandelion, you’ll be right as rain. The wound’s just right for a poet, Dandelion. You’ll look like a war hero, with a proud bandage around you head, and the hearts of the maidens looking at you will melt like wax. Yes, a truly poetic wound....”

And when it is revealed that Regis is a vampire, and Dandelion is afraid of him, Regis is incredibly patient and kind about the whole thing. He does not take offense. Geralt does! (Ironic, considering Geralt ran Regis off, but Geralt, bless, is dealing with a clusterfuck of feelings about the vampire and everything else going on in his life.)

But yes, after Geralt tells Dandelion about Regis, Dandelion is scared, and wants to seek reassurance. But the poet (unbeknownst to him it seems) is awkward and bad at it. He tries to bring up the issue with the subtlety of a sledge hammer.

Dandelion...deciding to clear up the uncertainty..began as soon as they set off. With his usual tact.

(I like that. His usual tact. Meaning, zero tact lmaoooooo.)

“Milva,” he suddenly called as they were riding, sneaking a glance at the vampire as they were riding, sneaking a glance at the vampire. “...I fancy eating a hunk of real meat for a change! How about you, Regis?”

Yeah. Real subtle Dandelion.

“I beg your pardon?’ the vampire said, lifting his head from the horse’s neck.

“Meat!” the poet repeated emphatically. “...fancy some fresh meat?”

“Yes, I do.”

“And blood. Would you like some fresh blood?”

“Blood?” Regis asked, swallowing. “No. I’ll decline the blood. But if you have a taste for some, feel free.”

Geralt, Milva and Cahir observed an awkward, sepulchral silence.

I love that. Awkward sepulchral silence. Dandelion causes a lot of those. But Regis does not dismiss him or laugh. He reassures him.

“I know what this is about, Dandelion,” Regis said slowly, “And let me reassure you. I’m a vampire, but I don’t drink blood.”

The silence became as heavy as lead. But Dandelion wouldn’t have been Dandelion if he had remained silent.

But Dandelion wouldn’t have been Dandelion if he had remained silent. (sorry I am laughing every other line at this part)

“You must have misunderstood me,” he said, seemingly lightheartedly. “I didn’t mean-”

“I don’t drink blood,” Regis interrupted. “...I gave it up.”

Dandelion doesn’t know what that means and keeps pestering Regis to explain. Geralt is embarrassed and tells Dandy to shut up.

However, Regis opens up around the camp fire that night. He tells his life story, and says he hasn’t drank blood in fifty years. Dandelion is incredulous.

“Not at all?” Dandelion said, and stuttered. But his curiosity got the best of him. “Not at all? Never? But...?”

Geralt is embarrassed again and shuts him down again. Regis, by contrast, is patient and defends Dandelion.

“I beg your pardon,” the poet grunted.

“Don’t apologize,” the vampire said placatingly, “And Geralt, don’t chasten him. I understand his curiosity.”

Baptism of Fire 291-295

That's right. Don't chasten him Geralt.

Regis and Dandelion also just have a wonderful dynamic of picking on each other.

Dandelion teases Regis about his long ass name.

And Regis has a great time teasing Dandelion lovingly. In one scene, Geralt and Regis team up to pick on Dandelion and the secretive way he treats his writing. Dandelion has stolen some paper and pencil from a Lyrian military convoy and is writing whenever they make camp, but gets testy whenever anyone gets near him or looks at his manuscript.

Geralt is good-naturedly giving Dandelion a hard time and Regis jumps in with such adorable relish. (Also, in this scene, we find out that Regis actually named Dandelion's memoirs)

"Indeed," the witcher joined in...."You've become devilishly touchy, Dandelion. One cannot fail to notice that it is somehow connected to the paper which you have recently begun to deface with a bit of lead while we camp." “It’s true,” Regis agreed, “our minstrel has become touchy, not to say secretive, discreet, and loving of solitude recently. Oh no, having witnesses when performing his natural needs doesn't bother him at all...His shameful secrecy and oversensitivity to being watched extends solely to his scribbled notes. Is, perhaps, a poem being written in our presence? A rhapsody? And epic? A romance? A canzone?”

He's like, you don't care who sees you piss and shit, but oh this you care about. lol. Tell us about the poem. But Geralt objects.

“No,” Geralt retorted...”I know him. It can’t be verse, because he’s not cursing, mumbling, or counting the syllables on his fingers. He’s writing in silence, so it must be prose.”

“Prose!” The vampire flashed his pointed fangs - which he really tried not to do. “A novel perhaps? Or an essay? A morality play? Dammit, Dandelion! Don’t torture us so! Reveal what you are writing?”

Dandelion says it is a memoir called Fifty Years of Poetry. Regis says that A Half Century of Poetry sounds better.

“Thanks, Regis, Something constructive at last.”

P 88 -90 The Tower of the Swallow

I admit I'm such a sucker (hehe no pun intended) for whenever Regis's fangs are mentioned, whether he is hiding them, baring them, or unselfconsciously showing them during a warm, silly moment with his friends. (Sobs, I love this vampire, seriously I need an intervention)

Regis also comforts Dandelion openly when the poet is doubting his courage or fitness for a task.

Later in the book, Geralt volunteers for a bloody job/violence for hire that terrifies Dandelion, so the poet protests the plan. Geralt insists he’ll do it alone.

But no! He has a hansa now! He won't be alone! Angoulême volunteers to go. Cahir says he’s coming with as well. Then Milva insists she is coming.

Dandelion freezes.

It would be like the LOTR ‘and my bow and my axe’ yadda yadda scene, but if there was one person left and when it got to them, everyone turned around and looked and they are just standing there frozen like....motherfuck this is scary idk idk wtf do I do. And the way this next paragraph is written, it pleases me.

Dandelion...was evidently struggling with his thoughts. And the thoughts were winning.

lmaooo

And Regis jumps in "kindly." He shows solidarity with Dandelion, and takes the heat by calling himself a coward.

“Stop meditating, poet,” Regis said kindly. For there’s nothing to be ashamed of. You’re even less cut out to participate in a bloody swordfight than I am. We weren’t taught to carve up our neighbors with a blade. Furthermore...furthermore..,” he raised shining eyes towards Geralt and Milva, “I’m...a coward,” he confessed curtly.

They keep arguing amongst themselves because Geralt believes they have been spied on. And Regis is just...always soft with Dandelion. When Dandelion starts guessing about who is spying on them, and is beginning to ramble incorrectly,

“You’re mistaken, Dandelion,” Regis softly interjected.

The Tower of the Swallow p 182

It's Regis's gentleness that just fuckn kills me. That's always the character that's gonna get me right between the ribs with a shank. (Metaphorically, Regis is too gentle for that)the one that lives in a horror filled, violent, cruel world and is still just kind, even to the loud, awkward, soft, obnoxious poet who is in over his head and is afraid you'll bite him in his sleep and who shrieks when he is wounded.

Geralt and Dandelion are so sassy and old/married with each other, deeply, proudly loving in actions, but always bickering.

It's sweet to see Dandelion have a friendship like the one he has with Regis.

It is so nice to hear that the games continued his love of Regis. (I haven't played them, so I get my info about them from you guys XD)

So thanks again for following me and for the ask! I hope I've done ok answering. I also love Dandy's dynamic with Nenneke and ofc Yen, but I'll stop there.

Hope your week goes really well. x

#the witcher #emiel regis #dandelion #jaskier #the witcher books #emiel regis rohellec terzieff godefroy #thinking about the witcher books yet again #thinking about dandelion yet again

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teaspoonnebula · 3 months

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Hullo, I am so sorry if this ask is a weird one but. You are in the fandom for a long time, and I need to know, is it me or is the ACD SH fandom *not* insane?? Everywhere else where I've been, I see people turning on each other, fighting over characters and the morality of liking them and not liking them, telling people to go kill themselves and here. I have been in this corner of Tumblr for a few months now, and everybody seems normal? Am I just not deep enough yet to sew the drama, or is this really just a place where people hang out to enjoy something together??? Are we just too old of a fandom to do this?

(feel free not to answer if this is too weird or anything)

Sorry my reply got really long. I've broken it up with memes in the hope that it makes it more readable.

I've been in the fandom for a few years now, and I don't have much to compare against because I've generally avoided fandom spaces because they seem pretty intense (and I've not had a piece of media grab me quite like this before) but yeah it seems pretty chill?

I think there are lots of possible reasons why.

It might be that the fandom skews a little older, with lots of people who have enough life experience to know how to de-escalate tension when they encounter it, and when to walk away from the keyboard.

It might be that there's a century-old understanding that we're all playing a silly tongue-in-cheek game with characters from magazine stories that were never supposed to be analysed this way. Remember the term "canon" as used in fandom circles was invented by Sherlock Holmes fans (specifically my boy Ronald Knox) as a joke, a deliberate cute misapplication of a term used for discussing the Bible to something frivolous. Not taking yourself too seriously is very baked into Sherlockian culture.

I sometimes get glimpses from other fandoms of this puritanical attitude that to like or not like a character or a piece of work is somehow a moral act, and I find that... bewildering. A bit scary. To be a fan of Sherlock Holmes is inherently to love something dearly which also contains things which should be hated: racism, sexism, imperialism. I think that fans tend to be people well used to approaching literature with the level of nuance required to process that dichotomy. To acknowledge it rather than hide from it.

It might also be because it's public domain. A big blockbuster movie or pastiche by a celebrated writer is precisely as legitimate as every fanfic on Ao3. Or the CGI movie where they're gnomes. Or a slightly wonky point and click game someone is obsessively making in their spare time (...coughcougheveryonewishlist 'The Beekeepers' Picnic' onsteam) Sherlock Holmes belongs to everyone equally regardless of how much money and power they have, which is why I love it.

Like, I love him as a character, I love the Victoriana, I love the mysteries, but the #1 reason I've gone gaga over Sherlock Holmes these past few years is the joy of loving a thing which isn't controlled by a corporation and which does not exist to make money (anymore).

I'm not saying there's zero drama because I think when you get a bunch of people passionate about something there will always be a little drama. I'll see things like the jostling of people who are very protective of asexual readings of Holmes and people who are very protective of gay readings of Holmes, things like that. Feelings can run high when personal identity is involved. But I've never seen anything got too vicious.

Errrr yeah idk if you wanted an essay as a response but you got one!

#sherlock holmes #acd holmes #fandom #ask #thoughts

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sapphoscorner · 4 months

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Edit: please reblog this with some information about demisexuality, I did make a mistake here by saying "Cove doesn't understand sexual attraction" he does, so my bad on that part

SO, I usually don't get too involved in fandom discourse, but with how Baxter fans are acting about the loss in the MDDB I snapped and decided we should have a talk.

(This turned out longer than expected so more under the cut. I BEG YOU TO READ THIS AND TOP UNDERSTAND WHERE THE ANGER AND FRUSTRATION COME FROM.

This is all over place, I tried my best to make this as comprehensible as possible)

Specifically I want to talk about this fandom obsession with him and how, is getting to a point where people are legitimately re-writing the game and erasing Cove existence to have this fucking man instead.

And look, I want to say that I get the appeal, I do, but I don't because Baxter's route is genuinely the worst written one out of the three; Compared to Cove's and Derek's (and Derek treatment in the fandom is a WHOLE OTHER ISSUE) is really not. I'm not here to judge one taste, I am here to tell you that your love for him is ridiculous.

It is genuinely ridiculous how much popular he has gotten and so many of you are forgetting about Cove and how important he is to the story, and generally how he is important to a lot of marginalized people. Some of you keep forgetting that Cove is autistic and demiseuxal and that is such a rare representation to see and it is already erased in the fandom (especially his autism), but now is even more erased because people are grabbing everything that makes Cove Cove, and are applying it to Baxter.

That is also not touching the fandom treatment of Derek and how overly criticize his route his compared to Baxter's, like...DEREK'S PARENTS ARE GETTING MORE SHIT THAT BAXTER CANONICAL BIGOTED PARENTS LOL, WHAT IS THIS?? Are you guys serious?? I've seen a fanfic with Irene being transphobic, why the fuck would someone write that when Baxter's mom is right there?

And Derek shitty treatment doesn't end here because people are straight up erasing the guy and not ?? talking about on how well written he is ?? He is not erased sorry, he's forgotten, no one cares about him. And when people care is a) rare or b) so criticize to the point where is no longer a criticism but just you bitching about it.

And it doesn't end there! Baxter is so talked about that people are more interested in him making a cameo in OL:N&F than the main characters of that game, THAT'S HOW THINGS HAVE GOTTEN, We've gotten to a point where people cares more about some white man than Qiu or Tamarack, which are way more interesting than him as characters but neither of them are white skinny man so lol, who cares about them.

AND TO TOP THIS SHITSHOW IT SOMEHOW GETS WORSE FROM HERE BECAUSE PEOPLE DON'T EVEN ARE CARE ABOUT THE INTERESTING ASPECTS OF BAXTER'S CHARACTER!!

Everyone is molding him like clay to create this, confident rich white boy when he is not?? and that's...the whole point of his route?? That he shouldn't need to put up this mask and to actually be a fucking human being?? THE FACT THAT HE IS A QUEER KID WHO HAD TO CUT OFF HIS PARENTS AND HAD TO BE INDEPENDENT FROM THEM AND LEARNING TO NOT DEPENDENT ON HIS PARENTS? (monetarily wise that is)

And like, people forget the man is queer, he is queer, he's a queer person who had to hide who he is to his parents and then had to cut them out for his own sanity, and no one mentions it.

The fandom as a whole erases queer identities,when this game is literally made FOR queer people don't you love it when straight people come into our spaces and erase our identities lol, that is a problem that more people should acknowledge, alongside the fact that Baxter's stans have taken over this safe space, overtook the main love interest, and ignore the genuine interesting aspects of Baxter's character to make him their own little doll they can play with and not appreciate a guy who is trying to learn how to stop being that mask everyone in the fandom has fallen over.

And I know, I know , I will get shit for daring to go against your favorite white boy, but consider that some of us played this game because an autistic character was in it, consider that this game is queer friendly and the fandom is also erasing that queerness to make horny fan fiction**, consider that some of us fond comfort in Derek and Cove's story and now we see everyone overtaking their stories by a white boy (that you can find in every other game), consider that his talk is tiring, consider also the fact that Baxter is technically queer and no one ever talks about it, consider that this game was a safe space for marginalized people and now it no longer feels that way

**with horny fanfiction I mean people re-writing Cove whole personality (and sexuality if we're being honest here) and making him this...horny big man when...he is not? He got stressed out by simply having to share a bed with MC, he's extremely shy around the subject of sex and he gets incredibly nervous about it.

I personally think that is due of both his queerness and autism (and yeah his personality, but autism affects ones personality so lol, sue me) since demisexuality means he genuinely doesn't understand how people can feel sexual attraction, and mixing that with autism means he probably doesn't understand the SOCIAL pressure around sex and having sex.

Granted that's speculation on my part but as someone who is (probably) autistic and asexual I can tell that, at least a majority feels this way and Cove is literally is the type to have this kind of mentality, he does not understand how Baxter can flirt with him after mere seconds of knowing each other

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tzov · 1 year

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I saved this as a draft for a long time but I want to share it now:

Boys and men in sports humiliate and injure to prevent girls and women from "encroaching" on what they consider their domain.

I've tried to talk about this many times in my life, and I always get the, "you just can't handle competition, you just expect me to go 'easy,' on you, you're just whiny/weak/holding up the game, this is unavoidable" when it was extremely obvious to me that I was being maliciously targeted by boys in an attempt to humiliate me, not in an attempt to simply win the game.

I recognize common threads between complex individual experiences:

-That the excess violence was CLEARLY not necessary to win;

-That it was done to me/other girls and not boys of a comparable size/skill (or, often, lesser size/skill);

-That it would occur when I was not that great of a threat i.e., they would spend the whole CASUAL game focused on shutting me down even though a lot else was going on; and then, when it was serious and we were actually trying, we would be having fun, getting rough, and then when I was up, the clear moment of a DECISION (with a petulant gleam in the eye) to make it unfun by SUDDENLY kicking/slapping/shoving me EXCESSIVELY hard (in a way I could not prepare for as it had no precedent in the game), PURPOSELY (this is not hard to tell) hurling the ball as hard as they can at my head while I'm not looking, etc. (and this was often on top of disproportionate, unsportsmanlike ridicule/taunting, i.e., condescending/disgusted/impatient that I never saw boys do to each other, instead of the fun shit-talking that I DO understand is part of sport);

-In situations where they would not allow me to play (i.e., ignore me completely as a teammate, refuse to assign me a role, etc.), because they ASSUMED I couldn't before I could prove otherwise, and then when I insist, instantly hurting me on purpose so I still never get a chance to show that I am skilled/competitive;

-And finally, it was ALWAYS in conjunction with specific comments about my femaleness, or comments about how I'm overconfident/need to be taught a lesson (and I would not include this point if I were bragging about my skills or messing up the game, I can tell if I'm holding up a competition).

In the end, all of this DOES result in my being less practiced and skilled, which serves as an ad hoc justification for it

In my memories, it seems like they are angry that a girl has the audacity to try, because nothing is more hammered into our heads than, "girls are weak and it's unthinkable to lose to them or take them seriously." Just because women can't compete with men at certain high level sports obviously does not mean that every individual girl will lose to every individual boy--- and it's so important for me to tell the difference that I am very thoughtful about whether it's "rowdy crazy high level man stuff--" I've never been interested in participating in that because it's scary and feels pointless.

As a lifelong athlete, I also have a lot of experience with accidentally getting hurt, with "intimidation" as a legitimate strategy, with making a beginner player quit because they obviously don't belong in your game; but these are all ways boys will try to pass off their cruelty.

It's also worth noting that boys my age were UNABLE to physically overpower me until about age 14, and all of this still happened (though it happened a lot more after that). I know that sometimes girls can hold up games and be overconfident and I can imagine that would be annoying. But sport is so important to me, and this pain is so deep, and I've been told these things all my life, so there's no way I would not be looking out for such nuance.

For most girls, it really only takes the one experience for them to never try again. For me, I BELIEVED people for a long time that I just needed to accept that things get competitive and rough-- and that's why I put myself through it over and over, only to find that something else, something far more sinister, was clearly at play.

In summary, men and boys are actively unsportsmanlike and unnecessarily cruel to girls and women who want to try to build skill and compete in various sports, and this is nothing to do with biological differences-- just misogyny.

#women in sports #title ix #misogyny in sports #radical feminist safe #og

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strawberrystepmom · 9 months

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self ship coded, part of the fine shrine au. f!reader is a writer/family owns konoha's book shop. mutual pining idiots in love etc bc who am i if not an idiot in love.

A long day spent sorting, organizing, and half assed writing has led to you where you are now - on your stomach on the floor of the hokage’s office, proofreading your own writing. You aren’t certain what time it is, only aware that it has surely gotten late and your evening tea has long turned into a cold, bitter cup you don’t dare sip from any longer.

With a frustrated groan, you bury your face in your notebook and exhale loud enough that it draws a snort from Kakashi who is sitting at his desk. Pushing a stack of paperwork to the side, he looks down at you. Immediately you peek up with the feel of his eyes on you, propping your chin in your hands.

“How have we spent this much time together and I have so little to show for it?”

He shrugs, tossing his own pen down and carding his fingers through his unruly hair. You watch his fingers work through each thick strand and bury your chin in your book to hide the way it makes you smile, a dreamy little smirk across your lips watching his arm stretch upward and over his head.

It’s easy to get lost in a little daydream, imagining the sinewy muscle of his arms flexing beneath his shirt but you quickly shift your gaze back down your book when he speaks to avoid him seeing the guilty look on your face. You’re working with him, you shouldn’t be imagining how his hands would feel carding through your hair instead.

“Let’s play a game.”

Now it’s your turn to snort, a little giggle following the sound as you lift your chin from your book and smile at him. Kakashi quirks a brow and you realize he’s serious, moving from your stomach to sit on your butt.

“What kind of game are we talking about? Cards? I’m worse at them than Lady Tsunade.”

He shakes his head and tents his fingers in front of him, any trace of humor leaving his face. You are intrigued and he can tell, your big smile dimming into something smaller that plays at the corners of your mouth.

“A simple game of questions and answers, actually.” You raise your brows and he hums. “You ask, I answer and vice versa.”

Struggling to hide your skepticism, you squint in his direction.

“Do you promise to actually answer?”

Putting his hands up in a gesture of surrender, he shakes his head and places his palms down on his desk with finality.

“Anything you ask, I’ll answer,” internally he seizes at his own words, knowing he’s setting himself up. “I’ll even let you go first in a show of good faith.”

Rising to your feet, you keep a narrowed gaze pointed at him as you approach the opposite side of his desk and grip the edge. Leaning over just enough, you keep your gaze fixed and he fights a smile at your intensity. He loves seeing you get fired up like this, playful and feisty, and suddenly he’s grateful you can’t see the pink he knows is dusting his cheeks as his face heats.

“When is your birthday, Lord Sixth?”

Snorting at the use of his formal title, he rolls his eyes as you softball him a question he can’t possibly lie about. That was his intention, of course, by never specifying he had to truthfully answer your questions. You’ve caught him in his own little trap and he swears his heart swells with the knowledge of how evenly matched the two of you are.

“The 15th of September, you clever thing.”

Witnessing your face lift into a smile is almost as sweet as seeing the sun after a week of rain, he thinks with a chuckle. For the first time, legitimate joy is on your face. An amused giggle erupts from you and it shakes your shoulders in a way that makes him want to reach out and hold you between his arms.

“Good answer,” you manage between giggles, a smile fading back to neutral as you shift from holding the desk to resting against it, arms folded over your chest. “Your turn, I guess.”

“What do you do when you aren’t here with me?”

“Ka-,” you stop yourself as you almost spit his name, a step too familiar for you. He smirks beneath his mask at your near slip up and watches as you adjust your posture and look over your shoulder at him. “That’s an interesting first question.”

“If I’m not here I’m at the bookstore and if I’m not here or there I’m at home sleeping. Not very interesting, I promise.”

Humming, he crosses one leg over the other and folds his arms over his chest to appraise you. The answer seems honest, at least up front, but he wonders if you haven’t figured him out and you’re holding back your true answer to spare him. Do you know about this little light that ignites inside of him every time you laugh? Have you felt his eyes look over every inch of you while you work, stretching like a cat or hunched over your own books?

He hopes not, pursing his lips beneath his mask as he shifts slightly in his chair.

“You’re more interesting than you let on, I think.”

Shaking your head, you rest your chin in your palm.

“I’m starting to feel like you are documenting me and not the other way around.”

He shrugs flippantly, leaning back in his chair.

“I like to get to know everyone I’m working with at least a little bit.”

You laugh, looking down at your ink stained fingers, stretching them out and attempting to loosen the tightness a day full of work has wedged in your joints. He watches each movement, each twitch of your thumb and your pinkie as you move them. You’re so delicate yet so strong, it mesmerizes him to be able to see it this close.

“While giving them no way to know you back?” You ask and he hums, nodding. “Yeah, that’s the idea.”

He’s so amusing because he’s honest, you decide. As secretive and mysterious as he can be, he never lies when asked even if he does try and slip out of anything that can be seen as too vulnerable. You understand all too well how terrifying it is to open up and you don’t fault him but you wish he’d stop making your job so difficult.

Sighing, you stretch your arms behind you and lean back on your palms.

“I promise you are seeing something I’m not. There’s nothing interesting about me.”

Another unreadable hum from the hokage makes you sweat a little bit, uncertain of exactly what he’s gleaning from you with his questions. Maybe he’s realizing you’re at best, boring, and at worst, a flake who abandons her responsibilities only to trudge back with a frown once she’s failed.

“I have a hard time believing that from the woman who left and didn’t tell anyone why.”

Swallowing thickly, you think back to what made you leave in the first place. Your mother’s passing was the catalyst, of course, but you’d been ready to run for as long as you could remember. Despite the legacy you carried on your back with the bookstore, you wondered what it would be like to be free for once - to be as unknown as you’ve always felt you were in Konoha.

When mention of marriage left your grandma’s lips on your 23rd birthday, you bolted like a thief in the night. You had nothing left to lose at that point and you vowed to stay gone forever rather than be married to someone you only vaguely cared about that would create power and gain for the two remaining members of your family and that’s all.

That, of course, didn’t happen but you stuck to your values and kept going until you were given no choice but to return home after receiving a letter from your aging and ailing grandmother requesting your help. You couldn’t say no.

Your mouth feels like sand as you finally open it to speak, looking away from Kakashi who eyes you cautiously. Perhaps he went too far and he feels guilty until you speak and quell his fears.

“I left because I was afraid Grandma was going to force me to get married.” While that isn’t a situation the hokage has ever found himself in, he nods sympathetically when he notices your face twist with the words. “I fought it for a really long time and mom…she did too. Without her, it just felt like I was going to be fighting a losing battle.”

Your eyes begin to glass over a bit and you blink tightly once before averting your gaze to the corner of the room. This isn’t a conversation you should be having with him at all, much less one that should be making you feel emotional, yet here you sit with your knees tucked beneath you answering his questions.

Considering your words, they make sense to him but they make him ache. They feel like a declination despite them not being aimed at him and he struggles to ask his next intrusive question hoping that he won’t be shut down as soon as you hear his words.

“Is that something you don’t want for yourself at all?” He asks, giving nothing away despite the way his fists have clenched involuntarily on top of his desk. Shaking your head and turning your face toward him, he steals a “too long to be friendly” glance. “Marriage? A family?”

A small sigh puffs out of your mouth. “I do but it’s a matter of feeling worthy of it, I suppose.”

“And you don’t?”

He catches you off guard with his question, your face twitching nearly imperceptibly. The well trained eyes of the man notice, though, the flicker of sadness and doubt. It’s a look he has seen many people try to hide and it makes his heart ache to know you feel that way about yourself.

“I think I have a lot of work to do before somebody could care for me.”

You don’t meet his eyes, speaking down to your own scribbled handwriting on pages below you and he frowns. How can someone like you not see everything you offer? Beautiful, kind, intelligent and that’s just scratching the surface of the person you are.

He wishes he could tell you those things in flowery language, perhaps even written like the books he reads and watches you read, but instead he leans forward and rests his elbows on his desk. The sound captures your attention and your watery eyes meet his.

“I think you underestimate yourself.”

Another flicker of a smile crosses your face and you bite the inside of your cheek in an effort to ground yourself to reality. He isn’t hitting on you, he’s just being nice, right? That has to be what’s happening here even though his gaze rests on you in a way that feels weighted. Different.

“Thank you for saying that,” you sniff between words and bring one of your hands from behind you to rub at the tip of your nose. “I’ll let my zero suitors know that I have the hokage’s stamp of approval.”

He flusters at your words. His stamp of approval? You’d have even more than that if you desired it but he simply nods, shutting his eyes tightly as he does so.

“You could have anyone you wanted, I promise you that.”

Your eyes stay locked on his and you nod, watery smile on your face.

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

He wants to shiver under the weight of your gaze but he shifts instead, moving from leaning over his desk back to leaning in his chair with his legs crossed. You appear to be thinking, eyes downturned but you look back up at him with a frown.

“I don’t appreciate the way you managed to not answer any questions about yourself and we'll be coming back to this tomorrow.”

Chuckling, he nods.

“We’ll see.”

It’s the least he can do given how much he asked from you tonight. Rising to standing, he stretches out his legs for a moment and you follow his lead, standing and gathering your things preparing for him to walk you home.

#kakashi x reader #kakashi hatake x reader #kendall writes #fine shrine #yall mind if i go ahead and start posting fine shrine again LMFAOOSDLFJKJDFF i have mental illness

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literary-illuminati · 8 months

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Book Review 48 – Legends and Lattes by Travis Baldree

I will be honest, I read this book because it was nominated for a Hugo award and I have a mildly masochistic personal commitment to read every nominee I can (and so remain at least slightly aware of the genre at large). Otherwise, I’m quite certain I never would have touched it – everything about the pitch and marketing made it seem like something I would hate. I’ll try to be fair and approach the book on its own terms but, well it wasn’t exactly painful I wouldn’t say my initial impression was wrong either.

The book follows Viv, an orcish adventurer in a generic D&D fantasy sort of world, as she decides to retire from the dungeon-delving/monster-slaying game with her last big score – a magical stone that, when buried, is supposed to bring ‘the ring of fortune’ to whatever you do above it. She opens the city’s first and only coffee shop. The book follows her collecting a cast of lovable misfit friends/employees (Calamity the hobgoblin carpenter, Tandri the succubus barista/eventual love interest, Thimble the ratfolk baking savant, a bard whose name I’m blanking on, Amity the dire shop cat/security) as they run the business and develop it into what by complete coincidence will end up looking very familiar to the a cute quirky modern indie coffeeshop. There is theoretically some conflict happening, first with the local mob boss and then with one of Viv’s old adventuring companions, but they both feel pretty perfunctory and like they’re only included out of a sense of obligation.

The actual meat of the book is basically focused on Viv instantly becoming fast friends with all her employees/coworkers and how endearing they are, and also the step-by-step of the coffeeshop's development. First in renovating the property into her vision, then in the branding and marketing, and then the gradual addition of menu items and live music. Through it all Viv and Tandri have a developing romance that (rather appropriately) feels like a coffeeshop AU fanfic where the author decided the slowburn tag meant ‘every other character will just assume they’re already dating by the halfway point but they’ll act like flustered teenagers and refuse to actually discuss their feelings until they kiss on the literal last page’.

So, the book is ‘cozy fantasy’ which as far as I’m aware does basically means ‘no tension slice of life fanfic but with original characters’ (alternatively, ‘2000s ‘cute girls doing cute things’ anime but with a moderately more diverse cast and in sf/f book form’). The only other books in the genre I’ve read are Becky Chambers’ stuff which, while I didn’t particularly love them, I now feel I was being way too harsh on. Those have legitimately impressive worldbuilding and coherent themes and at least gestures at real compelling character arcs and dilemmas. This, well, what you see is what you get? Like, there’s zero false marketing, the entire book is entirely dedicated to hitting the exact broad emotional beats you would expect it to. There’s not really any interest in the world beyond the cafe, it is in fact a plot point that Viv attracts a found family she clicks perfectly with and their relationships are all uniformly positive, and there is exactly one point where she suffers any sort of real reversal – which lasts for about five pages before everyone comes together and rebuilds things even better than ever. There is a wizened gnome whose clearly living time backwards who takes the time to pat Viv on the should and reassure her that everything turns out alright, in about as many words. There's clearly a market for this, and I am not it.

Morality in the book is basically synonymous with niceness. If someone is friendly or at least polite to Viv then even if they seem like an obvious problem in the end they’ll turn out to have their heart in the right place and only want the best – as, for example, the local crime boss proves to be a nice old lady who accepts an order of cinnamon buns every week as ‘protection money’ and donates several shipments of materials to rebuilding the place without any expectation of payment or stake in return. The only two characters in the book who are rude assholes to someone in the cafe are also coincidentally the only real villains there are.

All of this is stuff that on some level I more or less expected opening into the book. The thing that actually disappointed me is that this fluffy book about opening a coffee shop doesn’t actually care about coffee. If you’re going to make it the centrepiece of your whole book, I expect some exultation and appreciation of the stuff! Give me self-indulgent passages going into detail about the smell and taste and smell and experience of it. Make me put down the thing actually craving a latte!

But the book’s mostly interested in the, like, trappings and signifiers associated with a cafe, not (despite Viv’s theoretical obsession with it) the actual coffee. This feels like a point that generalizes. (There actually is a decent amount of detail spent on the baked goods their genius baker invents, which just makes the lack feel stranger.)

As an aside, and I know this is very clearly not a book that expects you to care about the worldbuilding, but it’s kind of strange that coffee is presented as this new exotic novelty to a vaguely European fantasy metropolis that is explicitly already familiar and comfortable with tea? Like obviously the historical analogues aren’t worth getting into – Viv is creating a cute neighberhood coffeehouse by a college campus, no a 17th century Venetian cafe – but it’s not the first place I’ve seen the same portrayal of the two drinks and it’s, odd? Like it’s not like tea is any less foreign to Europe, or arrived particularly earlier.

But anyway, yeah, didn’t enjoy this but can’t say I was misled. It is in fact a book that you can entirely judge by its cover and not be surprised one bit.

#legends and lattes #sff #hugo nom #book review #travis baldree

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ratgrinders · 25 days

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(this is kipperlillyforpresident) Hi. This is an insane thing to ask a person, but also I believe you are the best scholar for the job, so I will ask anyway: if Kipperlilly played Persona 5, do you think she would ship ShuAke?

Points in favor: homosexuality, the fact that it isn't canon would probably appeal to her brand of problems

Points against: She might hate Akira to begin with because of seeing his specialness as Unfair (why does this attic trash get to be the wildcard, huh?!?!), potential for her to want to self-ship with Akechi?

I'm unsure on this matter. I yield the floor to you.

Tumblr user kipperlilyforpresident, it is an honor 🙏

(wow this got longer and more rambly than i thought WHOOPS lol)

Before I answer I wanna go on a brief tangent and just say how SIMILAR Akechi and Kipperlily are. Legitimately, during that meeting at the food trucks where Brennan described Kipperlily as having a "polished steel ball of a personality", my first thought was to Akechi's detective prince persona and just how METICULOUS he is at presenting this perfect, pristine version of himself. They're both filled with violent, uncontrollable rage at the perceived unfairness of the world, they're both slightly murderous (it's okay I forgive them though), they're both extreme overachievers who nonetheless struggle with connections and making friends. Literally the main difference is just that (as I've seen you mention in tags) Akechi's rage all stems from his deadbeat father and the injustices he faced as a result while Kipperlily very explicitly DOESN'T have a tragic backstory. If these two met they would either be best friends or want to kill each other.

So going off of that, I just wanna say that I am both a kipperbees and shuake shipper, and the things that appeal to me about both ships are VERY similar. In kipperbees, like shuake, you got two people who at first seem diametrically opposed and irreconcilable; one side of the ship filled with extreme rage and jealousy at the other party but who is unwilling to admit that their rage stems from a very genuine place of wanting what the other person has, being unwilling to admit just how interesting they find the other person (it goes against their meticulous plans, it's counter to everything they believe) so they instead mislabel the feeling as hatred. The preppy, uptight overachiever who cares so much, and the person who seems to get it all (friends, success) without caring at all.

Going back to your original question, I think Kipperlily would latch on to Akechi hard if she ever played the game, both as a sort of self-insert fantasy ("he's like me but with the tragedy and cosmic importance I desperately crave") and spite (because this interesting character is still cast aside as an NPC in the grand crusade of the Phantom Thieves, he deserves justice and not death).

I think maybe at first she'd ship shuake as a sort of self-ship by proxy, believing (not that I agree) that the protagonist is a blank slate for you to project yourself onto. But I think ultimately she'd be unable to articulate just what about the ship is so appealing to her, because by subconsciously putting herself in Akechi's shoes, now she can imagine this scenario where someone understands her fully and still accepts her, someone who appeals to her competitive nature, someone who is opposed to her wrongdoing and thus subconsciously validates the internal strife she has over her own actions, but who will come back for her anyway because I think she, too, subconsciously wants to be saved from what she's been doing.

#god i could talk about them all day #THANK YOU for this ask!!!!!#persona 5 #goro akechi #dimension 20 #fantasy high #fantasy high junior year #original post #kipperlily copperkettle

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yuri-is-online · 1 month

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So I’ve got to ask, would you recommend Tokyo Revengers from your experience so far? Does the story and characters outweigh the (alleged) obnoxious currency system and money grabs?

So my gut reaction is to say no, I do not because I just cannot feel comfortable recommending this game in the state it's in, but I am going to make a pros and cons list to help maybe give you (and anyone else curious) a basic idea of where my head is at right now and help you make your own decision.

Cons

THERE ARE NO CAMPAIGN REWARDS. I cannot stress that enough there is nothing being given out to day one players to help you get started, and honestly it's super hard. Saving up for pulls feels like a foreign concept, there are so few opportunities to earn gems I have no real idea how I would even start building a stash let alone a team with the few characters I currently have. They don't give you a free SSR like twst does to help out, just the free SR from choosing your guy at the beginning though they do have a paid free SSR function. Now Twisted Wonderland does too, but like I said they give you a free one with unlimited re-rolls at the start.

Someone actually did the math about pulls and I agree with their assessment here: the cost isn't the worst I have seen in a gacha, but when you couple that with no free SSR for f2p, lack of reliable way to earn gems and I can feel it being a nightmare if the game progresses any further without a re vamp of some sort.

There really is no point to the combat or team building in this game beyond being a road block between you and the story. It's full auto which could be neat if there were nice animations but there aren't. It really might as well not be there, and that's before you get to the SSR rates...

Neither Pro nor Con

You might have noticed the above reddit user talking about the distinction between joseimuke vs otome and the reason for that is way back when this game was first announced it was supposed to be an otome game, which implies a level of explicit romance and relationship between the MC and the characters that is not typically present in joseimuke games. The current version of the game has a cast that seems to have completely changed, both character and voice actor wise. The stated reason for this and the delay was "changes in the market." It was originally supposed to be based off of Tokyo Ghoul? And was supposed to release in 2019, but was delayed until 2020, then put on indefinite hiatus until it's release now.

On an unrelated note, OG Obey Me! was released on December 11, 2019, Twisted Wonderland was released in Japan on March 18 2020, and Genshin Impact's world wide release was on September 28 of the same year. Make of that what you will.

"Yuri why did you bring up Obey Me?" Well Solomon's ring is introduced as a plot device... which could be interesting if they are going the direction I think they are with it but I don't know if I have enough faith in them for that.

The Pros

The characters in this game are honestly really fun. I really do mean that, I am not sold on their dorms/houses but the dynamics between the characters themselves are good for what they are. But the tone is very goofy compared to Twisted Wonderland (despite featuring more explicit topics) and I don't think these characters are as well developed as twst's are, but I think that can be chalked up to one of these games having been written by a manga author and the other having not.

I am a little bitch who hates horror stuff and is easily spooked but I really love how they are using modern internet horror monsters in this game. The first book features a creepy pasta monster that I was legitimately afraid of as a kid and I love their take on him. This second book features a ghost from a popular Japanese creepypasta. I'm a sucker for people being creative and using things that have become a part of popular culture without making it cringe, and I think this game succeeds at that.

Wrap Up

This entire situation has made me think about two animes I really like that I think sort of fall into the same dynamic as Twisted Wonderland and Tokyo Debunker. The first I am sure you have heard of, it's called Komi Can't Communicate and follows a girl with trouble communicating who really wants to make friends, and ends up accidentally befriending a guy who wants to help her out. The manga started being released in 2016 and is still going. It's quite good and I like it a lot.

The second is a little show called Aharen-san wa Hakarenai. It's manga started in 2017 and it received an anime adaptation around the same time as Komi san was being adapted. It follows a girl who has trouble communicating who really wants to make friends who accidentally befriends a guy who wants to help her out. I have no idea if Komi-san inspired Aharen-san nor do I really care because once you get past the generic set up, the routes the story takes are completely different as are the personalities of the characters. Komi is a slice of life and coming of age story in addition to a romcom, whereas Aharen is just a straight up romcom with a really cute main couple. There is room for both to exist because both stories do their own thing, just with a similar premise. There really is no reason Tokyo Debunker and Twisted Wonderland can't do the same, provided TD gives itself room to breathe and fixes it's damn grind.

Well assuming it picks up in Japan, it doesn't seem super popular over here right now.

#<3 asks #tokyo debunker

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self-loving-vampire · 3 months

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While on that subject, one of the stories about abuse that resonated the most with me (besides Tsukihime, which is also about a ton of other things) is the short manga titled May My Father Die Soon.

Part of this is that it avoids the "perfect victim" narrative I complained about the other night (although not to the same extent as some other characters I know).

Spoilers and discussions of child abuse (including a couple of personal things) below the cut.

Asuka is obviously the sympathetic party, but the abuse coming her way is not depicted as just random outbursts with no rhyme or reason like in some other stories. Abusers like that do exist, to be clear, but my experience was more with violence as a tool to coerce and attempt to shape behavior.

The abuser often has some kind of excuse for what they're doing. Something that helps them convince themselves that what they are doing is right and proper, maybe even necessary. It doesn't mean their behavior is good, but it means there's a logic to it that the victim comes to understand and navigate.

The first time we really witness what Asuka's home situation is like is when she neglects her chores to play video games with her sister.

Hitting children for not doing the laundry is wrong, but it is something that a lot of abusive parents would find to be justified. They think they are teaching their children discipline and virtuous behavior when they do that. They think they are preventing their children from becoming spoiled and lazy.

Sometimes people are even abused after doing things that are legitimately wrong, but this does not justify the abuse. It's a type of nuance that is missing from depictions in which the abuser is just a gleeful sadist who just hates their victim and enjoys hurting them.

A lot of these parents think they are doing the right thing and use violence as a means rather than an end. After stomping on his own daughter he refers to what he just did as "discipline" and acts as if it's just a burdensome duty he has to deal with rather than an act of violence he inflicted on an actual human being.

He is also quick to pull out the "I give you food and shelter so be eternally grateful and always obey me" card.

Which is, again, something I have heard expressed by multiple authoritarian parents both in my personal life and online. "I pay the bills so they must do everything I say" or "I am a good parent because I do the legal minimum to provide for them".

I also like how Asuka does not react to her abuse in a perfectly meek and submissive way like the "perfect victim" archetype usually does. She not only eventually contemplates patricide out of desperation but also shares her sister's anger even if she tries to put on a more "role model-like" front about it.

She hates how she's being treated, and she even lashes out against her sister and feels disgusted with herself afterwards. It's very different from the depictions where the victim only has "nice" and endearing symptoms like low self-esteem.

The scene in which she tries to get help from the law only for her to be dismissed (her father is a respected and influential person) and punished for it also carries a sort of despair that I'm very familiar with.

One of the times my mother came to sleep in my room because my father was being violent (I used to protect her from him) I naively suggested calling the police. She said it would only provoke him into potentially lethal escalation and that the police would not act unless he did something extreme, like killing or hospitalizing someone. Hearing that from an experienced lawyer would have been pretty chilling if I had not already been dissociating for years at that point, but the information and its implications sank in regardless of how I felt about it.

He was a rich business administrator and CEO considered a good and successful person in the adult world. He once even mockingly dared me to call the police on him, knowing nothing would come out of it.

The only reason I still bothered to fight back against him physically is because I did not care about myself enough not to at that time. Might as well inconvenience and hurt him if I'm fucked either way.

Her father then proceeds to draft her into his company (hey that seems like a very specific and unusual thing but it also happened to me!) in a way that further highlights the way in which his behavior is actually in accord with authoritarian parenting norms.

His reasoning is that he's not going to just give her handouts. She needs to work for a living. This sounds reasonable to a lot of people, who worry about "spoiling" their children by being too generous in providing for them without demanding effort, but here we can see the ways in which it tightens the leash.

She can't decide on her own future and is impeded in independently financing her escape because her finances are going to be dependent on him and his approval.

This is something that a lot of people actually miss when thinking about the children of abusive but wealthy parents. You don't actually have free access to your parents' resources. You have purely conditional access that relies on pleasing them and conforming to their wishes. Meanwhile, they have an increased level of reach, resources, and respectability to prevent you from escaping.

Another heartbreaking bit is how the abuse has become so life-defining for her that she doesn't really know what she wants to do with herself. The one wish she can think of is just not being abused anymore.

She is eventually forbidden from freely leaving the house entirely, and while sexually abusing her again he once again makes it explicit that he considers her property...

And when the subject of Hotaru (Asuka's younger sister) comes up, he goes on a monologue that those of us who defied authoritarian parents may be familiar with.

The whole "I have been too nice but it only made you spoiled (as proven by your defiance) so from now on I'm going to hurt and control you more" thing.

And he also drops this line.

To an authoritarian parent, disobedience of any kind to any degree is a deadly sin that must be beaten out of children as if they were dogs in training. If you read conservative parenting "experts" like James Dobson you can even find them saying this kind of thing explicitly.

I also like that Hotaru provides a different, also resonant exploration of how someone might react to abuse in addition to Asuka. Even after being hit to the point of bleeding by her father, she remains willful and tries to hold on to her own independence even if obedience would hurt less.

And, like Asuka, she's not a Perfect Victim either. She is the one who helps finish her own father off after all (after being given a lecture on rehabilitation no less). The conversation she has with her sister regarding worker ants also shows she is interested in her own autonomy and leisure to a degree that would be considered "spoiled" by a lot of people. She should aspire to be a hard worker who pleases others at the cost of her own happiness like her older sister was raised to do, right?

I especially like that she's wearing an "I love myself <3" T-shirt during the scene in which she rejects the efforts to beat her into submission as well as Asuka's recommendation to give in and obey. Kind of heavy-handed, but cute.

I also like the flashback that shows that there was once a time Asuka's parents were kind to her and she sincerely loved them.

Children are in a situation where they are strongly predisposed towards loving their parents by default and need to be loved back. It often takes a lot to change that. Some people, like Hotaru, change pretty early on while others try to cling to this need for a lot longer.

This is complicated by the fact that the parents may start out "kind" until their children start disobeying them, at which point they turn increasingly violent and controlling.

Asuka eventually realizes that she will never be truly happy if her life revolves around being her father's property. That even if she was to hollow herself out into exactly the kind of obedient doll he wants her to be she will be miserable. With no options left to escape, she becomes suicidal.

This leads to a panel that is like... pretty much straight-up an exact conversation I have had before.

"I provide. I have money that you benefit from. Your life is way better than that of poor people. You should be grateful and do everything I say." again.

Like paying the bills mean they own you and can do as they please.

It really feels like a good understanding of not just the victims involved but also of this type of abuser as well, and even now I get the impression that if I had failed to think of a plan for how to escape them my own situation could have also ended up with a murder, a suicide, or both even though I'm not a violent person at all. The desperation as all of your peaceful options are cut off is very real.

I'm really happy it did not come to that in my case, but I still did many things that a "perfect victim" would not be allowed to, like becoming manipulative and deceiving my parents for the sake of escaping. I don't feel guilty about it either, and eventually lost much of my sense of empathy (oddly, this happened after I had already gotten away).

So even though I did not actually kill my abuser I still relate to characters who end up doing that, because to me it feels like a bad ending I was this close to getting despite not really wanting that to happen.

Anyway, I feel really seen and understood by this story to a much greater degree than I do in more sanitized, black and white stories about abuse in which the victims never do anything remotely bad and the abusers are moral aberrations who just enjoy hurting people for fun.

#long post

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