#like it’s just so fucking demoralizing!!!!

[labyrynth]

feeling bad today lads 🙃

#moi #personal #i know i’m skilled and i know i’m qualified #and often i’m OVERqualified for the jobs i’ve been applying for #and yet not a single one of them will give me the time of day #it’s been almost two years and i haven’t been able to get a single interview in my industry #like it’s just so fucking demoralizing!!!! #like i know it’s a competitive industry but still!!! #they can’t ALL be overachieving prodigies #like i just don’t know what else i’m supposed to be doing #i’m not the kind of person who can just sit down and set goals for myself #like even the things i like doing i have such a hard time Doing Them unless someone else tells me to do it #is it all just nepoti—cough i mean networking? #do you just. already have to be an insider to get a fucking job in this industry?? #god and even just the fucking costs of entry are so high for some things #like you wanna keep using the software you used in school? that’s gonna be $240 a year now. and that’s the *lower* price. #you wanna make a phone game for the kind of phone you have? you’re gonna need to buy an entire new computer. #and like christ i was on the art track #but if i want to try to scrape something together for a portfolio #even if i tried to do it with friends #i would almost certainly be The Programmer #and i have no issue with that!! i just have an issue with everything else that isn’t actually like. programming. #like how tf do you make things multiplayer. how tf do you make it actually executable. how tf do you keep the file size down. #like i don’t know how to fucking do those things!!!! #and i’m sure i could figure it out given motivation and enough time #but my brain is currently in ‘Everything Is Bad and Scary’ mode and everything is bad and scary!!!!! #i just want a job that isn’t shit and doesn’t treat me like shit. is that so much to ask??

[marisatomay]

“you don’t owe anyone anything” actually you owe everyone everything!!! you OWE your table server and your coworkers and the elderly person you pass on the street and the dog on its walk and the child toddling along in the park and the driver trying to merge next to you and the pregnant person standing on public transport KINDNESS in return for theirs!! the connections we build are what give life meaning!!!

#a buddy of mine is a server and is getting ROASTED on twitter for complaining about #how often nowadays people will just completely ignore her when she greets them and asks how they are and what can she get them started with #and when they DO finally acknowledge that she Exists they’re rude about it all #and how demoralizing and dehumanizing it is #and of course people have taken this and decided that being told it’s rude to ignore that your server exists is actually ableist #like jesus fucking christ you people can’t do anything huh #like i’m serious i’m ND and have terrible days where i go mute sometimes and you know what i do? #do my best to not go out places that require social interaction but if i Must then i’m not a prick to the people i come across #because my issues aren’t their fault. and i owe it to them to not make their lives harder. #anyway i’m so angry for bailey people are so awful grow up and have some fucking AGENCY

[ink-the-artist]

I’ve been thinking back to artist stuff in high school and man people are really weird about furry stuff in a way that seems like they’re super afraid to be associated with it at all. I don’t/didn’t consider myself a furry but I recognize my art is obviously furry-adjacent at times and I don’t mind that.

I’d almost always bring my sketch book to school with me so I can draw during breaks and stuff and the amount of times people (sometimes complete strangers!) would randomly insult me for drawing “furry shit” (once this happened bc I was drawing bojack horseman characters LMAO) like ppl are usually polite when they see me (or others from what I’ve seen) drawing in public, will either ignore it or say something nice or funny if they do comment on it, unless it’s something they think is furry art.

It’s baffling to me like this is so obviously not how these people would normally behave but it feels like they’re so afraid of being seen as cringe they feel they have to point out any cringe they see so that no one thinks they’re cringe. Grown adults can do this stuff too but it was obv much more common for me in high school.

And it was so shitty how it made me actually somewhat ashamed of drawing anything that could be perceived as furry, even though I’ve loved drawing animals my whole life since I was a child, and I never had anything against furries and had both irl and online friends who were furries.

I don’t feel any of that shame anymore and just draw whatever I want (it helps that I’m no longer getting strangers commenting on my art like this irl, and that I’m not as insecure a person as I was in high school) it’s just so fucking weird that people feel comfortable acting like this

#to be clear this isn’t abt people just calling me/my art furry or tagging it as such etc #it’s about people who act like assholes #people shouldn’t act like this towards ppl who consider themselves furries either #honestly furries are braver than any us marine for putting up with this shit way more than I had to #I’m lucky I was pretty confident with my art at that time but #doing this to someone who isn’t could really stifle them a lot #how fucking demoralizing would it be as a beginner artist to be berated by a stranger in public #I’m hoping this is a less common thing to happen now bc #when I was in high school it was during the height of anti sjw cringe culture shit #so it was probably worse bc of that #long post #sorry for the ramble lol might delete later idk

[sunspinecity]

its so crazy that staff was like "yeah we're adding the grand exchange shop to fix the rampant issue of ancient gene clutter!" and we were all like "yay!" and then they just. didn't fix the issue of clutter in the marketplace. which was what we all actually cared about. And now it's to the point where i've been camping this mp with 5 min timers for (no joke) the last 9 fucking hours trying to find Secondary Gene: Striation (MODERN) while every ancient variation has stocked plentifully and often. and when the next ancient inevitably comes out next month it's going to get even worse. like. Man.

#sometimes i wonder if they even play the damn game bc if they did they would realize how bad the mp is rn. ''chime they have personal accs'' #then why haven't they fixed this if they know. Like do they know. DO THEY KNOW? I dont know im going fucking insane rn man. 9 hours. #fr #flight rising #ancients #chimechatter #it did stock finally btw sometime during hour 9. im good i dont need it anymore. but like. Nine fuckin hours for a single gene. insane shit #what is so hard about just stuffing all the ancient genes in the grand exchange shop where theyre always stocked & can have dom discounts #& then leaving the treasure MP for the moderns. i am demoralized.

[inaconstantstateofchange]

how to find fandom friends who have the same anti-blorbos and Secret Evils as you, asking for a friend

#is there like a questionnaire i missed or- #yes this is about bg3 #fandom #bg3 #the problem is i simply care about the forgotten realms and the characters and the lore so much #and i want to have actual discussions - even debates - about those things #but i have the Wrong Opinions^TM so instead i just perish #the hyper-simplified versions of the characters i see so often is actively demoralizing #i thought about being cagey but actually fuck it this is my blog #i don't like gale - partially for personal reasons and partially because i don't find his character compelling #and a secret third partially because i really loathe the way his ardent fans are determined to round off every sharp edge he has #you'll notice a trend here #i have other thoughts about other characters but that's the “worst” of them so #my stuff #baldur's gate 3 #you're welcome to submit an ask or dm me if you'd like to swap evils

[godblooded]

honestly controversial opinion but i think more radical not giving a shit and less self admonishing.

#ooc. o kaptain. #[like i get the mentality that it’s difficult to succeed or you feel like a failure but… being defeatist about it in your own thinking #doesn’t help anything. like lately? i hate every single thing i write. i feel so demoralized and i genuinely feel like im hurling things #into nowhere for no one. but I’m trying because i know it just takes finding that thing that’ll click?? and it won’t get me anywhere to just #keep thinking about how shitty i feel about what i write or how i write it. it won’t make it BETTER if I just obsess about how bad it is. #less oh but I can’t or oh but I won’t or I’m sorry that I can’t because and more I don’t give a fuck and putting out there whatever you want #or feel like. I feel like shit but what I’m trying to say is just!! try!! it sucks but DO IT FAKE IT TIL YOU MAKE IT IS NOT A LIE. SOMETIMES #YOU FIND OUT YOU WERENT FAKING IT AT ALL.]

[pepprs]

ok yeah. i think i don’t want to drive. and i think i never want to leave my house again also.

#purrs #we just watched the most INSANELY graphic and intense video and im so fucked up over it and we’re just moving on like we didn’t see and hear #all of that. and i mean she’s warned us abt how graphic it would be for days and i could’ve looked away so it’s my own fault but. i am #tryi ng very hard to not burst into tears rn. this experience has been so demoralizing honestly. it’s hard to learn anything bc we just keep #learning about how easy it is to die. and i don’t want to die and am terrified of death and this has fucked w my anxiety so hard this week #delete later #ask to tag #* hard to like learn and absorb anything actually useful about driving #also i really needed my therapy session today bc of how much this has been messing w me andshe cancelled last minute so. not doing good #drivers ed tag

[databent]

siiiiighs. curse of everything costs money all the time

#.pdf #rd #i was actually feeling excited to start putting some work into my aquarium hobby again after a year and a half of feeling too demoralized #(because of june 2022 when my air conditioner went out while i was away from home for a few days and i came back to 95 degree tanks- #-and a total loss of all the fish i had in them for no reason at all other than the fact that the ONE TIME my ac stopped working i was away #so i lost motivation to do aquarium stuff for ages after that. and i was just getting back into it and making plans to get more supplies etc #aaaand now it looks like im going to have to push that back a long ass while! because i noticed one of my cats has a few loose teeth and i- #-dont know how long theyve been like that and while i dont have money for this i DEFINITELY dont have the money to spend thousands later if- #-its left untreated and develops into something worse #but the cheapest place near me i can find is 50 exam fee plus 275 dental base rate plus up to 250 dollars for extractions. so. fuck me #especially if thats a per tooth extraction rate. and then including costs for bloodwork and medication and shit. god. #anyway. gonna call and ask for details about their dental rates and payment options soon i guess. wish me and oolong luck #(oolong is cat)

[a-nybodys]

spending any amount of time on twitter is like walking slowly towards the chernobyl elephants foot

#i just want to see peoples art i feel like fanart is so hard to see here now bcus ppl get demoralized when nobody reblogs it #but like otherwise i have to go on TWITTER #its genuine hell #anyway people are talking about how izzy dying is somehow the worst thing anyone has ever done and it erases any good that came from ofmd #yknow the show with one of the most diverse casts and crews ive ever seen in my life thats about middle aged gay romance #but yeah killing off the morally gray character who most of the fandom hated last year negates every bit of good the show ever did #legitimately fuck off #i think we all need to take some media literacy classes PLEASE #cus like wtf do u mean he died for no reason it was practically spelled out in all his big speeches in the last ep #and it was foreshadowed the whole fucking season!!!! #just cus u couldnt see it doesnt mean it wasnt there #and just because u didnt understand what the show is trying to do doesnt mean its bad writing #grow tf up PLEASE jesus christ #thanks for coming to my ted talk #anyway

[phantomoftheorpheum]

. tag vent

#y'all i am so tired of people stealing my gifs #i've never watermarked my gifs because i don't like the way it looks #but honestly it's fucking ridiculous how quickly people grab them and repost #and then the utter exhaustion i feel when someone's repost gets more notes than my original post that i actually spent time making #and i've been in fandom a long time and i know it is inevitable #but it is so demoralizing #to be clear- i did ask the people i've encountered doing this to stop but odds are they probably won't even respond #i think i'm just gonna go work on my fic today #though i've had those stolen with names changed and then reposted to other fandoms before too so who knows #srry i am just not in a great space mentally rn and needed to vent #will delete this later #td

[autoneurotic]

my cats doing that not peeing enough thing my land lord is raising my rent 200 dollars i have to get a part time job which truly feels akin to jumping into a pool of sharks whilst bleeding none of this bodes well for me in the coming months

#i’m going to flay myself #it’s not even wah i don’t WANT to work ): #like. the power dynamic between me+a boss/customers i’m supposed/expected to bend to #if u are my boss as far as i’m concerned you can do whatever you want and it just sucks shit for me #YOU pay me and keep me employed. i’m fucked without you/money so i GUESS i just #HAVE to put up with whatever insane fucking demoralizing shit they feel like inflicting #it truly makes me sick to my stomach thinking about being employed under someone and being Accessible to the public #also would rather kill myself fifteen times over than ever be in management again #i just need. like a list of jobs for neurotics #jobs for people who will kill themselves if you even LOOK at them #jobs for agoraphobes who have to hype themselves for twenty minutes #hand on the doorknob chanting No One Is Going To Attack You You Can Leave People Might Look At You #But That Doesn’t Mean Theyre Going To Unleash Horrors Untold and Unimagined Upon You #wait i can apply for disability. i would rather fuck with that tedium than go insane crazy insannnneeee

[sailorsuit]

.

#personal #no ability to stand right wing politics #i feel pretty demoralized by ppl at work lately #its not anything someone personal did #more like the general system #of people hating enby people #and I have to try and educate/stick to my morals while also not getting ousted at work #i hate being a palatable gay #i want to be myself more #i code switch so hard that its enfuriating #and they dont get that #they believe the right wing shit they see online #they dont notice the cuts that are made to make the person (insert guy who makes stupid arguements fucking OWNED statements here) look good #or how the person they are talking to is almost in tears #i just #i love my enby people and i love my community #and its so frustrating to hear strawman arguements about them being upset about misgendering #bipoc queer and woman and any mix of that are not allowed to be angry or feel anything #i am tired of educating others rn #its just #hard sometimes

[sunplanter]

I love waking up at 5am and having a breakdown 😌

#I’m so fucking tired of being someone people (read: men) are only interested in talking to when they want to have sex with me #like I’m a fucking PERSON too #i hate that I feel like I’m asking too much or pulling teeth trying to get a decent conversation out of someone bc I genuinely like them #and I want to know them as a person #and then they seem like they couldn’t care less until it’s about sex or leading up to us fucking #like do you know how awful that feels #do you know how demoralizing and sad it is to be told by the world over and over that the only interesting thing about me to so many people #is my body? #i used to accept it and try to find good in it #because for a long time I didn’t even think anyone could like my body either #so someone showing interest in having sex with me was very rewarding and validating even if that’s all they wanted #but now it feels awful #because it’s so glaringly obvious that no one I’m interested in seems to genuinely like me as a person beyond what my body does for them #and I’m just so so tired of getting excited and happy about someone only for it to turn out the same exact way every time #and somehow when they’re no longer interested it’s even worse #like not only was my personality/who I am not enough in the first place #but now my body isn’t either and it feels like BOTH are bad and wrong #i just want to feel genuinely loved and appreciated as a person for once but #I’m starting to get really scared that that isn’t a possibility and that I’m just not interesting or good enough for that #personal #will delete probably

[mewtonian-physics]

'if someone's not experiencing it personally they're probably not going to have as much of an emotional response about it' vs 'other people don't seem to find shit anywhere near as bad/disturbing/angering and it makes me feel like i'm overreacting'. fight.

#personal #to be fair. ive been getting the 'you're overreacting' my whole life so that's just a sensitive point for me in particular #it's just like. huh. i feel a little demoralized about it like maybe it really doesn't matter that much. turns back into a doormat #when i was little i had an obsession with the concept of being protected. i guess i still want that #it's no one's fault. i know people are doing the best they can. or at least i'm choosing to believe that they are because i trust them #but my brain sucks so bad and it says no one fucking cares if they did they would be doing More #and i know that's not fair. i know. i'm not holding it against anyone. or at least i'm trying not to. but the mental illness is just hell

[samuraisharkie]

damn I was gonna write a bit or create something but saw someone who is a trigger to me and I wasn’t able to recover before my dad started watching the news and I wanted some music to drown it out but I don’t like just listening to music through phone speakers o I had to run and get my headphones from downstairs where the news was running and then run quickly back upstairs and I feel so contaminated now every single one of my mental illnesses is running at full tilt maximum overdrive

#it’s a struggle just to write this #my ocd and anxiety symptoms making it impossible for me to do anything #my depression making that wildly demoralizing and making th motivation I felt to be creative feel so rare #I don’t even want to listen to my music now bc my earbuds feel like they’ve been contaminated by my trigger #ugh I haven’t been in a creative mood an had the energy to carry it out in so long I hate that I just have to waste it on recovering #dumb fuckin trigger is everywhere too bc it’s a celebrity of sorts #i can’t even say the name #ppl are starting to use it for haha funny jokes and reaction images and all I can do it hope it dies out #bc it’s making navigating social media a minefield #i hate that this is one of my triggers bc it’s so damn hard to avoid #private schools really fuck people up never go to one #anyone there who isn’t a straight cis white conservative is going to get fucked up badly #abusive schools with everyone in it being part of that abuse makes for a very large and general field of triggers #24 years old and still just trying to survive until I can get away from the trauma huh

[imwritesometimes]

remembering I've locked all my fics due to the bot scraping and I already post in mostly niche pairings anyway so engagement was always spotty at best and now they're only accessible to ao3 account holders 🙃 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃

#like. awww shit here we go again. I know you're supposed to write fic for the enjoyment of it all #but it does kinda feel like what's the goddamn point of WEEKS of work #if barely anyone engages with it. ppl who read it and then just straight up don't kudo or comment like.... thanks!!! #idk man it's demoralizing 🤷‍♀️ and now I'm back where I was when I had to lock the fics in the first place #wondering what the fuck even is the point? why should I even post anything else? just keep it a mind movie for myself #or a word doc for me to read #I hate that this happened too like the bot scraping made this feeling so much fucking worse #cause now I've limited my already limited audience #so it's like. what's the point? #I've been trying to write this wip for weeks now and it's like man fuck should I even continue trying? #erin explains it all #i write sometimes