#like if im gonna date i dont wanna date just to date i want it to mean something. i wanna mean something to them.

[everywherea11thetime]

So High School | ln4 x singer!reader| smau

warnings: mentions of sex

a/n: added a lil espresso bc it was way too short:/

y/ninstagram

liked by 300,405 others

y/ninstagram: New single out now! It’s called so high school. I wanna thank jack for helping produce this and i wanna thank my boy for being my muse<3 You know who you are i love you;).

view all comments

fan63: YESS Y/N IS FEEDING USSSS

fan95: hello who is this about😭

fan24: girlll “you know how to drive i know Aristotle” imma need every person who has a license in the world

fan78: is this abt a race car driver?

→fan75: Nascar maybe??

mclaren: We love the song y/n🧡

→fan35: ariana wyd here?

→fan40: is the song about a mclaren driver?

→fan28: girl no

twitter

fan40: guys I think so high school is abt a McLaren f1 driver and here’s why. Most obvious one, in her song So High School she says you know how to drive i know aristotle, so it’s somebody in the racing world, then on her anouncement mclaren commented saying that they “loved the song” know it might just be that y/n a McLaren f1 fan but also maybe they met at the bahrain gp that y/n was in march. coincidence I THINK NOT.

→fan38: girl im not gonna lie ur kinda onto something…

→fan82: nurse shes out again!

F1wags

Liked by:y/ninstagram and 18,974 others

F1wags: Lando Norris and singer/songwriter Y/n Y/Ln spotted at Club Gascon in London out only a week after speculations of who her new song So High School was about. People said they had their romantic dinner then were spotted walking to the guildhall art gallery. New couple alert?

view all comments

fan64: Y/N IN THE LIKES?????!!!!

fan71: guys maybe that twitter thread was right…

fan49: she dates to many guys, im scared for lando

→fan57: her song abt him is literally how she wants them to be forever bsffr…

fan35: Not my two worlds colliding

fan91: im actually so ready for this relationship

fan86: the next album is about to be so fireee

fan63: @/y/ninstagram @/landonorris care to explain yourselves???

→y/ninstagram: No thanks

→landonorris: no we’re good

→fan63: WE’RE!!!???????

fan54: THEY HIT THE PENTAGON

Texts between lando and y/n

y/n: should we just hard launch already?

landino: I mean they kinda already know.

y/n: alr im making the post, make yours sweet please. I dont trust you

landino: awhh please baby i had a whole caption out😔🤚

y/n: don’t come crying to after mclaren scolding you again babe

landino: YIPPIEEEE

y/ninstagram

y/ninstagram: you know what you wanted and boy, you got her🧡 ft real pic of me on the last slide watching lan and his friends listen to so high school

tagged:landonorris

comments

maxfewtrell: still haven’t recovered from that song…

→landonorris: wanna play gta tonight?

→maxfewtrell: NO

→angryginge13: NO

→martingarrix: NO

→ maxverstappen: NO

→ danielricciardo: NO

→ y/ninstagram: damn, American Pie then?

landonorris: love you babe(i would have chose kill)

→ y/ninstagram: oh what’d you say “no sex for a month”

→ landonorris: NO I SAID I LOVE YOU AND YOUR THE BEST PERSON ON THIS EARTH AND YOUR SO AWESOME AND COOL😍❤️❤️❤️💕💕😘😘🥰(plz lemme eat u out)

fan40: I WAS RIGHT AND U ALL SAID I WAS CRAZY

fan83: the fifth slide!!!!???

fan74: they’re actually so cute omg

landonorris

liked by:y/Instagram and 1,031,495

landonorris: it’s true, swear, scouts honor . Also me n her if we were in gta🤭

Comments

Maxfewtrell:WAIT I JUST GOT THE SCOUTS HONOR LYRIC… GROSS

→ landonorris: sorry💁

→ y/ninstagram: sorry💁‍♀️

martingarrix: I will never be able to look either of y'all in the eye

→ y/ninstagram: sorry💁‍♀️

→ landonorris: sorry💁

Y/Instagram: i told you to make it sweet…

→landonorris: this IS sweet…like you😛

→y/Instagram: blocked and reported

fan57: 3RD SLIDE IS SO MOMMY🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️

Mclaren: hey can we maybe not

fan10: y/n plz I could treat you so much better

→landonorris: did you not listen to the song?

carlossainz: landos not so little anymore🥲

→y/Instagram: definitely not little

oscarpiastri: guys please tell them to stop making out in front of me I. AM. TIRED

Y/Instagram

liked by landonorris and 2,275,286 others

y/ninstagram: ESPRESSO SONG AND MUSIC VIDEO OUT NOW!

veiw all comments

landonorris: you mountain dew it for me😻😻😻

landonorris: first

landonorris: most beautiful amazing gorgeous person on this earth🤭🤭

→y/ninstagram: 🤭🤭🤭 cmere🤭🤭🤭

→ landonorris: yes ma’am🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️

fan45: not Lando being a simp on main

→landonorris: AND I WILL DO IT AGAIN

fan76: why does vroom vroom guy keep getting songs😔

→y/ninstagram: the d is fireeeeee

☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎

a/n2: sorry this took so long and was so short, collage is not for the weak and I've had tests all week

#everywherea11thetime #lando norris x reader #lando norris smau #f1 x reader #lando norris x you #ln4 x reader

[starsoftheeye]

TMAGP Live Reaction - Ep 13

This probably won't be a regular thing since I usually listen to the new episodes on my way home from school, but I wanted to do it today and no-one can stop me

Pre-Episode

Aw this dedication is so nice, reminds me of how I used to sign off on social media when I was younger

Pre-Statement

omg samcelia date samcelia date

they're so cute omg

"she also said that you dont know how cute you are" alice dyer youre not fooling anyone

i wanna hear what this interaction sounded like between alice and celia

"nobody, i'm mysterious" this isnt gonna come back to haunt us im sure

omg samcelia dating reveal already

JACKS HER SON OMG

"wild couple of years after i moved here" does this mean that celias way of coping with being dropped in a different universe was to just fuck... iconic

either that or jack got brought along with her and shes just covering it up. or jack has some mysterious origins that we dont know about

omg a horror protagonists with loving, alive parents wow

i was not expecting sam to be this relatable oh no

sam :(

oh no an "incident"

alice :(

i love celia just being "i know we're on a date and thats great and all but what do you think about the Horrors"

ofc you know theyre real you lived through the apocalypse

ah hello lena and gwen

ah gwen is learning about the consequences of delivering a random address to a living mr blobby knockoff

ooh are we gonna get some exposition

yes we are

these are our Fears i presume

you work in the government responsible for discarding peoples experiences and traumas gwen you werent exactly one of the good guys to begin with

guys i dont think shes gonna sort it

Statement

hold music?? hello?? do we recognise this voice?? needles??

i cannot understand what the name of this company is but i do not like them

the autoresponder sounds so cunty who are they i must know

oooh a scottish guy we love a scottish guy

"i pay your wages" sounding ass. telling the autoresponder that youre the highest investor in a gambling app isnt the flex you think it is dude

i think if a website that directly involves the handling of your money does "weird background checks" and has a "janky interface", staying is less of a feat of loyalty and more a feat of stupidity

oh this guy does nfts for sure

are you allowed to blame the warning you didnt listen to for the consequences?

oh his friends suck too

damn all jokes aside i feel bad for this dude

ohhh so is this like the dice where things can only get so good before they go terribly? or is it like a "when your life gets bad your money goes up" thing

ah its the second option

tbf if its not against the law its not against the law

this guy is the definition of "20 pounds is 20 pounds"

suddenly i dont feel as sorry for this guy

i have a sneaking suspicion that this guy did not get his money

oh nevermind

OOOOOOH NEVERMIND THAT NEVERMIND

huh

HUH

DID THEY SEND A CREATURE TO GET HIM WHAT

Post-Statement

Alice!!

Ooooh he got pished

Alice really out here dissing every kind of date I've ever been on

oh no :(

sam no :(

sam apologise please

shes right tho youre in the wrong place if you don't want weird

alice :(

this is why a polycule would fix everything

alice i love you

sam i love you but you deserved that

#tmagp #the magnus protocol #samama khalid #celia ripley #alice dyer #gwendolyn bouchard #lena kelley #tmagp spoilers #tmagp reaction

[just-a-queer-crow]

Buck, Bothered and Bewildered live reaction:

Not the bachelor 😭😭😭 this reminds me of the bitchlor from Drag Race AS3

Girl,,, not the stalker,,, this is literally Milk from AS3

JOSH AND MADDIE I LOVE U 5EVER

Josh u r everything to me

So is maddie shes perfect

CHIM IS BISEXUAL IN MY HEART‼️‼️‼️

The fact that this call was supposed to happen next episode makes sm sense

Bobby ‘sassy king’ Nash im obsessed with u

Chim having his bisexual realization rn

I didnt realize wed have TWO bisexual confirmations in this episode /j

CHIMNEY MADDIE JOSH I LOVE U UR SO GOOFY

:000 hi Tommy‼️‼️‼️

Tommy is hardcore flirting :3

Tommy’s so sweet

‘Keeping my options fluid’ 🕶️🤏🤨

Jealous Buck is so silly

HARRY‼️‼️‼️‼️ i missed him last season‼️‼️‼️

Bobby what r u thinking im scared

RAVI!!!! MISSED U!!!!

Eddie and Tommy were literally on a date

LMAO RAVI I LOVE U

No becuz Tommy is so similar go Eddie girllll

Oh Buck i love u

BUCK u r so enamored with this man

Lmao Chris

Hehehehehe nerd buck star wars lover :3

‘Is it circled with a heart around it?’ I LOVE U MADDIE

The perfect woman

Harry??? Girl what???

Also in my heart Chim had a crush on Tommy when he was at the 118 after Tommy grew and learned and stuff

Chim and Hen Begins have cemented that for me

I love Hen’s glasses this season

Chim my belovedddddd!!! Fav character actually

GRIFFIN MCELROY???? WHY R U ROBBING HOUSES???? /j

Hen and Chim’s friendship is the best thing

OH NOOOOO poor lady killed her son :(((

Hen ur hand in marriage plz!!!! I dont wanna be a homewrecker but u mightve left no choice!!!!

LMAO ATHENA

Harry’s acting has gotten sm better

Oh my god buck

Im getting second hand embarassment

Hes so desparate

Also girlllll he was trying to get eddie’s attention so bad

Not the Prime ad LMAO

Im not the biggest Buddie shipper but they r so gay

Fruit central with them

Oh god

Im gonna get so much second embarrassment from this

Chim i love u so much

BUCK

Oh my god

U idiot

Hehe tommy drove him

Also Buck looks so good there

:(( i feel so bad for harry

Athena just wants to protect him tho

Such a complicated situation

Harry was so justified for punching tbat man tho

I dont like the copaganda of it all but im not expecting the most from network television

Buck reverting back to his teenage ways

He hurt himself for attention then and hurt eddie for attention (accidentally) now

BUCK AND MADDIE SIBLINGISM

I LOVE THEMMM

Need more of them being siblings

I love that theyre putting Athena in civilian clothes more

OH MY GOD

ITS TIME

FUCK

how did tommy get buck’s address ???

I love how he calls Buck Evan its so sweet

AW CHRIS‼️‼️‼️ chris loves buck sm

Them getting closer together hehehehe

TOMMY GLANCING AT BUCKS LIPS

YEAHHHHHH

buck having a bisexual crisis

HES SO OUT OF IT

Just got his whole world rocked

Tommy Kinard the man that u r

The amount of rizz he has is insane

Cant believe im caught up

AHHHHHHH

BI BUCK BI BUCK BI BUCK

#bisexual evan buckley #evan buckley #chimney han #howard han #bisexual chimney han #henrietta wilson #bobby nash #athena grant #eddie diaz #tommy kinard #911 #911 abc #911 show #911 fox #911 spoilers #911 season 7

[felsicveins]

His heart belongs to another

And no other heart will do

#no other heart by mac demarco : D #I drew this a couple of days ago because i was feeling crazy and i just love the idea that #these two should be great together!! they should!!! but #theyre not together #theres just . theyre missing something #and thats okay!!! its not meant to be #and theyre friendship is very valuble to both of them!! #their* fuck my baka keyboard #trolls #yall are gonna be mad about this one i feel it ... #i think we all know who jds gonna end up with now right ... #i just gotta .. draw them more 💀 #i actully have the perfect ruveal i just have to finish painting it #urrgg i HATE painting #trolls oc #trolls oc cory #trolls movie #trolls john dory #trolls jd #john dory #jd ex husband #oh uhh i imagine this feels like a new years thing. or something #something that happened like right after they reconnected #before floyd and cory started going out #on god one day im gonna put all my tags lore into a post #i just shy 😔 who wants to read all this in a caption #not me brother!! I'm not reblogging that shit!!! #and im not finishing this cause i dont wanna give false hope 😘 #although jd dating sim ... is pretty real #i would love to do endings with all his exs

[roomy-ghosted]

My feelings towards ao3 this morning.

#baldurs gate 3 #astarion #bg3 astarion #like-i get it. but- #please. please for the love of god. just fluff or non-sexual fics. #for five seconds. #please. #I can only handle so much corn. especially when it's almost all geared just towards women. #this is all /lh i dont actually care all that much- but there comes a point where theres too much and all a man wants to do #is hold another man close. or go on perfume dates or pottery lessons with another man. #small things to help healing or gentle things or silly playful things. #hell- even taking care of all the spawn with Astarion in the bad ending- #why are all the bad ending fics ive seen corn btw? I've seen like- zero non-corn ones. #i get it. I get the vibe. but like- also. consider. like- maybe I wanna read angst with. with no corn?? please? #I've got 4 unposted fluffy fics im working on. One being hurt-comfort with some extra hurt #which i had to stop writing for a bit today because it was hurting a bit TOO much. #but yea. a little less corn for Astarion? for those who aren't horndogs? please? or just don't wanna fuck him because they #dont wanna hurt him more- (im not at the point in game where he's comfy with sex again yet-) #BESIDES GALE IN THE WAVEMOTHER ROBES IS RIGHT THERE PEOPLE- #LIKE COME ON. IF YOU'RE GONNA SEXUALISE A MAN HE'S RIGHT THERE WITH HIS PUPPY DOG EYES AN HAIRY CHEST. #There needs to be more sexualisation of Gale. NO I don't take no for an answer (Astarion is still my favourite though-)

[oatbugs]

lmao looking at her insta highlights was a mistake

#i feel worse WHY DOES SHE HAVE TONED MUSCLES UGHHH #also my confidence has gone down a tiny bit bc why is she hanging out w all these cool ppl #how is this girl simultaneously a lawyer and also has her social life on max like give me a break #thered a photo of her walking around in heaven either before closing or after opening shes sooo #HOWEVER. i just had a call w her yesterday that made me realise my idea of romance is more romantic than her idea of romance #but also that she doesnt want to do smth super romancey on a 3rd date which according to my friends is fair but according to my heart #it is not. like why are u on a date if u dont wanna do anything romancey at that point just hang out w friends #odd of her to say that too considering our first two dated were quite romantic . anyway #yo this cafe is playing persian music nice. anyway yh #also she makes being middle eastern so gay yk the goodbye fake cheek kiss thing we do . where u like . kiss the air on the sides of the #persons face when ur saying goodbye. ygwim . yeah she doesnt do the fake air kisses she gives u two tender kisses like . anyway #i discussed the stuff she does w my friend and like why r her words so aloof and her actions so...not . and my friends reaction was #basically this is fuckboy behaviour. apparently he used to do that to girls ?? like tell them he rly liked them #and be all charming and romantic even tho he rly wasnt invested at all and he mostly wanted to hook up. like ok #im gonna kill myself then. why would u stroke my hair w my head on ur LAP THEN. WHAT IF SHE TURNS AROUND AND IS LIKE #oops it was nothing #....ill kms actually. no i womt. but anyway #also got added to the gc w the other lecturers givjng talks on the 6th so its getting more real #my friend was like did u do the script yet :))) . almost died shes so scary i love her . but . fuck two exams . crush. talk. ucl cambrdige #three conferences aaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAA im so anxious i dont even feel anything atp #......I HAVE NO MONEY!!! TO TOP IT OFF #my crush and i are both iranian (aka born w extremely expensive taste woven into our genes) but i wanna like #treat her w the entire 2 quid in my bank account ig ♡♡♡ #crushposting

[saeshiraw]

tired girl hours i’m just ranting bcos i don’t have enough time to cry

#tw rant #studying med is no joke. ik it was gonna be a commitment n that it wasnt gonna be easy n i thought i was prepared but im not #its my passion. i love what im studying and ive dedicated myself to this path but i just. its so hard n i just want to cry. everyday feels #so tiring. morning to night classes. when i get home i have to read 4 chapters MINIMUM n the books are so thick + exams almost everyday #i feel worse knowing there’s this 1 girl in my friend group that cant decide whether she likes me or not. one moment shes complimenting me #n asking where i get my outfits or my nails done or my earrings or whatever then praising me that i probably study the least out of everyone #yet still reach high student rankings but its not that im lazy im just so exhausted n its hard to have motivation... lowkey envy how my #friends study minimum 4 hours a day. we’re all tired n sleep deprived. even taking 30mins to eat makes me feel guilty. cant even watch 1 ep #of an anime bcos ill be thinking about the amount of work to do. and i have sm plans. i wanna be more active and have a healthier lifestyle #but i cant find it in me to wake up every 5am to go to the gym when i just wanna get as much sleep when im lucky to finish my studies today #i also dont see my bestest friends everyday anymore. some of us move to diff unis or some in diff majors. i just miss them so bad it hurts #and i miss the girl i used to be when i still had time and energy to indulge in my hobbies. i miss playing genshin and writing fics #just when i got back to writing and enjoyed it LOVED IT i had to go back to uni. i feel terribly lonely even when im always with people #im afraid ill completely lose grasp of the little things that make me happy bcos the weight of my responsibilities are heavier #im afraid ill be too focused on success again like i was when i was 17 and forget that its okay to relax too but idk #and i wanna meet more people make more friends have new experiences. i wanna feel alive again. and theres sm i wanna talk to or get to know #but im so afraid of people hurting me or disappointing me or people getting to know me only for the friendships to fail or we’ll dislike eac #h other. i wanna date and fall in love again and experience the romance my peers have. i wanna have someone to call my own person but the fe #ar of having someone only to lose them someday scares the hell outta me. im not ready for another heartbreak so i isolate myself and watch #people from afar. uni gives me sm freedom to do everything else and form my own identity but i dont wanna be Perceived. I wanna be heard and #seen n connect with people. but w my curreny state idt i can handle being vulnerable with others. it feels so lonely that the things i want #are out of my rrach but idt i can manage my time to meet new people and make new memories. i console myself by shopping a lot and going to #spas to relax yet i still find it hard to sleep. im afraid im wasting my time. im not as brave as i used to be. im not as efficient as i was #i get older and more tired and while i never questioned if studying med was the path i want i do question what will happen next #“is this all im ever going to be?” im good at what i do but day by day i lose sight of tje girl who knew how to laugh n smile. ik what makes #me happy but i rarely smile genuinely anymore. im so tired and want to sleep for a long time but i dont wanna fail. i dont wanna be NOT good #but it makes me cry when i know i can do many great things but i dont feel loved. people compliment me but dont approach me bcos they say im #intimidating or that im too quiet in class. i wish i could tell them i wanna join their parties too or i wanna meet their friends n hangout #but what if it doesnt work out? what if i wasted my time getting to know someone id eventually regret? what if im the disappointing one? #the days are getting shorter but it always feels like a long day. im ashamed to admit i want someone to hold me yet refuse to have anyone

[silenthillbunni]

📓🕯️🐇🖤pt.2

#only 30 tags lol i ran out... so furthermore #we only get one life. im gonna try as much as i can to enjoy the little moments. nd to not give up on myself nd my life #i will die one day anyway. why rush it. i'll enjoy as many books and as many walks and songs and tv shows as possible #if i get a loan nd have more money i wanna bleach my hair nd dye my hair green #and later this year i think i might change my name #it was the name i wanted to change to from the beginning. but i was in such a bad headspace i just picked eden at random #i do kinda like it now nd im attached to it but i more feel like this other name actually is me. my birth name nd my current name dont feel #really right. so maybe. i havent decided yet. like i rlly dont know. im also attached to this name for some other reason. like it's who i am #to a person i rlly like and if i change... will i be anything to them? i cant put it into words but that makes me hesitate #but it's unhealthy to stay attached to someone i cant truly have even if i want to. so i mean. idk im just weird abt it #but i do kinda wanna change my name (to embla. my mom wanted to give me that name but my dad was like nooo >.<) i am not 100% sure tho so #when i've been getting used to going to school nd working out at the gym. nd after my surgery nd i have more energy #i will try to face my avpd and try apps for making friends. there r two apps where u can find new girl friends!! maybe i can try that #also like i've never tried apps but i think maaaaaybe i can use bumble to try to find friends and women to date. potentially. idk..... #rn it's hard for me to think in those terms bc. i mean i am hung up on someone!!!! i cant evwn imagine dating or being intimate w anyone els #sometimes i feel like.. they're the only person i've ever felt like it'd even be possible. who i'd event want to do that w #not only physically but emotionally. so ig it's even harder to let go bc im so scared i will never feel like that w anyone else #but i rlly need to try to make the most of whatever life i have. the world will collapse soon anyway #that makes me even more sad that i cant be w who i wanna be w nd do what i wanna do but #all pain will all be completely descimated eventually. it's not forever bc life isnt forever #i've just never felt this before. like i want smth to be real so bad but if it happened once surely it can happen again? right? #i wont spend my life alone without intimacy and love and comfort nd support nd understanding right???? :o hope not #im still so sad nd exhausted rn. nothing in my life is working nd theres no repreive nd no help #it gets sooo hard to endure everything sometimes when everything just keeps piling up and gets so heavy it feels like im drowning #nd atm i dont feel like i have any anchor. nothing that keeps me grounded nd im just floating away nd im constantly being overwhelmed by my #feelings nd emotions. im like a stupid little kid who dont understand how to handle what im feeling. or make rational decisions #i feel so ... stupid and useless. i dont know what im doing. i have no idea. i have no compass. its so scary

[cantofworms]

.

#ok ik all the hot take asks are pre much done and the sparkly say smth nice asks are better but well I’ve been having thoughts all day at #work and want to get them out now so that’s what I’m doing lol #obvs for the past few months i think ppl are vv heavily leaning into the dnf /r and I firmly believe that they aren’t #like yes I enjoy being a multi shipper but I still primarily read dnf fics bc they’re cute dnf writers and artists MWAHH ilysm #but it’s been increasingly annoying how every move dnf make ppl hyper obsess over it and ignore everything else like blog what u want this #is tumblr dot com but I think ppl how only see dnf thro the lens of romantic do much more ‘harm’ than ppl who dont #like the argument about taking validation out of their very REAL amazing friendship just gets over shadowed by omg Dream posted a pic of #geogre they’re in LOVE and sucking and FUCKING every night. like #and then completely disregard when dnf do and say the exact same shit about all their other friends #like dream has explicitly said they aren’t dating (ignore that tho) amd that’s he’s kissed multiple ppl since coming out (ignore that too) #and their friends naturally say that they’re all single (ignore that too) idk man it’s ok they like to pander amd that dream is a toxic #dnfer but it’s all just For Funsies. another thing is ppl CONSTANTLYYYY putting geohres sexuality under a microscope oh he drinks lemonade #from Starbucks he’s soooo gay like dumb shit like that is so irritating #the fact that geogre has never once talked about his sexuality except that one instance where he got a DONO about it proves how much it #just doesn’t matter or apply to the type of content creator he is/wants to be #to be clear if he is or isn’t or dnf every explicitly announce their romantic relationship im gonna be sooooo happy and supportive like aw #dnfogies🫶🏻 but I think there’s a 99.9% chanve that’ll never happen so maybe we should all just care a Little Less and focus on out lgbt #creators if that’s smth u wanna watch/blog about idk maybe I’m just burnt out from the phandom but whyyyyy does is matter what their #sexualities are they play minecraft who cares who CARESSSS idk maybe just having older brothers around dtqk ages has made me realize that #guys will just act homiesexual no matter What #guys are just Like That and tbc I’m not saying that just bc gnf hasn’t made an official coming out doesn’t mean he’s not queer but for the #sake of his contwnt it doesn’t matter either way ? so why are ppl talking about it on the daily idk man it’s just annoying but Oh Well #at the end of the day they’re all famous white guys and nothing matters hurray !!

[craycraybluejay]

sex and hormone therapy and killing my abusers and doing hard drugs will fix me

#who boutta fix me #its really easy those are the steps #also like turning my therapist immortal #but thats optional i dont wanna see her die tho :( #but um #*flirting* do you fw any mafias aha like do you know any hired guns yk haha like just asking #ive been out of the dating pool for awhile but when i dated i constantly was drawn to dangerous ppl #it was fun! i was like a weird protsgonist with a murderer-o-meter #i kinda hope i see my ex at an upcoming social function just so i can revel in that #i know what they did and its unlikely many others do #i just like the knowing #and networking around #which btw always network everywhere even if its not a networking event #u never ever know when someones skills or luck can be useful to you or when you can pay it forward and help someone else #capitalists dont want there to be upward mobility n ppl try to make networking sound hard #but the truth is its just meeting as many ppl as u can and being polite and friendly #and even making real friends! #also always know your worth skills wise and be able to pitch at just an amateur level #like 'hi i do art and ive been dabbling at my dads mechanic job' #is more than enough #or even 'hi nice to meet you-- you seem really cool what do you do?' #remember not to overthink and just be genuinely curious about other ppl and open and receptive to new social dynamics #and dont write off even the most drastic opportunities #if you need time to think on it just say that #anyway what was i saying #im gonna get better and if someone doesnt fix me i will fix me

[girlwithfish]

i feel stupid bc i couldnt leave an abusive relationship for two and a half years. clown emoji ur sooo dumb and stupid and weak and everyone thinks im stupid and i shouldnt date anyone bc im too stupid and will get abused again. how i am feelijg rn and ik this is very stupid

#had semi productive conversation w my sister but i just feel bad rn #and im trying to not rely on Guy but he did call me while i was talking w my sister and i rly wanna talk to him on the phone before i go to #sleep itd cheer me up a bit but thats bad!!!! #like ik i should b happy w myself blabla but im sorry i want love. is this so evil #idk #and my sister said it feels like idc how my family feels abt me dating so im gonna try to have a better conversation w my mom #but it just makes me think they think im dumb or dont think im constantly terrified of getting in the same situation #but she said its cuz i dont talk abt it so i understand #but itsl ike . of course im terrified and scared and anxious and im dealing w it alone and ik maybe i shouldnt but i am #Idk #anddd she said it was hard for everyone to see me in a relationship like that and i was brainwashed #which i understand too and now i feel guilty as fuck and like i did bad and im an evil person or not evil just stupidnand #some stupid robot who is too dumb to not be abused HAHA #yay :)

[widevibratobitch]

aaaaaaand it's starting. mom's bestie just texted me asking to come over this weekend cause it's Bad and it's probably the last chance to talk and maybe say goodbye to my mom's husband and i need to take care of her. god. i wont get through this weekend unless im high or drunk istg.

#time to slightly overdose my depression meds again ig lol #anyway. it is a little better with me these last two weeks. turns out the meds do work when you actually take em regularly #but first my best friend's break up that she's blowing up to unimaginable size #acting as if she just got divorced with the love of her life after 20 years #and not ended a few months long relationship with a guy who's been the source of most of her troubles since the moment they started dating #(ofc she's valid and id never tell her that because like. i get it. some people feel stuff more deeply. but its hard to be supportive #when you genuinely feel like this is the best possible outcome for her and that the relationship was only dragging her down all this time) #and now this. and this is gonna be infinitely worse. and then it's gonna get a million times worse when he actually does die. #and i feel like the worst most selfish person ever which like. probably am. but i did tell my cousin who actually knows my mom really well #and she said she understands and that my fears ARE valid because SHE'S terrified of how she's gonna handle my mom #and she wouldn't wanna be me in that situation cause it's gonna be so much worse for me lmao #like i feel like people who know my mother casually really dont understand just how unhinged emotionally she is #anyway. i feel so overwhelmed. i cant handle this jesus. #but im also emotionally unavailable and refuse to actually confide in another person because i dont want to be a bother <3333 #god i love tumblr. i can literally type anything in those tags lol it's the perfect form of venting since you can just scroll by #but i will still have let it out of myself anyway uwu i literally dont need that therapy fr #anyway. i feel so unbelievably fucking lonely and on one hand it's my own fault for withdrawing and refusing to ask for help. #but on the other hand. i AM alone. like there's no one who can help me in this particular situation. #i have no siblings. obviously my dad isnt gonna help. it all falls down to me. good god. i wanna throw up.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#ay ay ay. now that the soul crushing project is done ive elected to spend the week managing data #which is decidedly more chill than what ive been doing for the last month but also isnt not doing anything and it isnt getting stuff done #for when i have to move. so thats annoying. and ive been drawing again at least but i can feel the escalation in my controlling behavior #so its now very frustrating trying to draw anything. coloring is gonna take a million years rip. #also suddenly everyone wants to b social rn? like tomorrow my boss is organizing a thing with an old lab mate and this weekend a #collaborator is having a retirement party. and next week my lab mates wanna do a trivia night. and i kno that i should go to these things. #and i will try but i really dont want to go to any of it. mostly for driving reasons but also im a husk of a person rn. but the more #devastating thing is that uh next week one of the kids i grew up with is getting married to a rich girl lol. and like we werent that close #bc i was and am such an asocial freak but after the wedding my parents r picking up their new camper and camping their way across the #country with my sisters. and im sure someone probably told me the dates of these things at some point but if u tell me dates i will #instantly forget them. so thats. ya kno. happening over basically the next 2 weeks while i have to kill myself over measurements for a #different study i dont care abt. and like. its fine. ill see them mid may for a different planned trip. it just makes me kinda sad #a product of living halfway across the country i guess. im just inherently more disconnected to everyone. i would suspect thsts semi #intentional subconsciously. u cant b upset abt not being able to connect with ppl if you create enough physical distance that u never see #them in the 1st place. u cant misunderstand me if i make myself absent and unknowable. idk. i was explaining to my mum that i didnt realize #the timeline and she was like. understandable whatever u wanna do! and idk y that upsets me so much. i guess its just that i dont want to b #doing this. its causing me pain but dont kno how to articulate it in a way that makes sense. whatever. my mouth hurts. my lips r so chapped #that the irritation is spread past my lip line. probably doesnt help thst i keep rubbing at it lol. anyway things r still annoying #less soul crushing thsn last week but still frustrating #unrelated

[andichoseyou]

scared that all my friends are gonna see the barbie movie without me/before me bc they have boyfriends that wanna take them out to see it and i dont

#its a genuine fear #they r all talking about going on dates to see both oppenheimer and barbie #and im just like 🧍🏼‍♀️ #my thoughts #they were talking about it the other day #they=my friends & their bfs #like how they wanna go on a date to see the movies and i got a little sad jdjdhd #like one on one dates not a group date #and one of them said 'its okay we're gonna want to see barbie more than once!' #like NOOOO i wanna watch it w u for the first time!!!!☹️☹️☹️ #not gonna say anything tho because its not that deep and i dont want anyone to feel bad djdhhdbd #just makes me kind of sad

[hecksupremechips]

They did Ryuki so dirty in aini and I’m gonna be salty about it for the rest of my life I think

#aitsf #ai nirvana initiative #kuruto ryuki #like cannot emphasize how they just did not use him in the second half of the game #and i dont wanna diss the mizuki side cuz i honestly really loves it and i love her so much but just like #why did they even make ryuki in the first place if theyre gonna cut him off like that #and same with tama too its like you spend this game getting attached to these two really good characters and then its like ha fuck you! #and then all the stuff thats ACTUALLY important to the plot and the case begins #they dont even have like a moment where ryuki can feel relief at date being alive like dude #they like. this guy drinks himself into oblivion and goes insane over the death of a man he loved whose death he blames himself for #and the game cant even give these two characters like even a kinda touching reunion they just straight up DO NOT ACKNOWLEDGE IT AT ALL #which dates role in the game in general i think was also done dirty but i digress #like yeah okay sure just have almost all of ryukis motivations revolve around date and wanting to become worthy of him #and ​then go eh whatever anyways #oh and then have ryuki literally get shot at the end protecting date cuz thats how much he loves him and just like. they barely even care #date is literally the only person that seemed to have acknowledged it happened but it was literally like #oh no!!!! ryuki is literally bleeding out uwaaa!!! anyways #i used this card hesitantly with pewter after finishing ai1 but fuck it ill say it with my full chest this time #im calling homophobia here like come on you cant ignore this one #sorry to pewter and ryuki for both being canon gay and really interesting characters but the game doesnt care about you 😔