#life footage of my thought process at all times

[keeps-ache]

yeah sure i'm awake but i'm also. awake.

cost

#just me hi #hmnm suddenly reminded last night that i have the barest of bare ideas of how tumblr's editing thing works #also i woke up hungry so you know what that means #~+~weird feeling in my heeeead~+~ #hunger should not affect the cranium don't do this to my body p l e a s e #oh yes i totally forgot #my brother keeps saying the stupid. b a hard k a word (i've decided against ever saying it) so i've started calling my siblings bestie and #it pains him :)))))))))))))))))))))))) hahahahaha #also i keep saying 'oh for realsies?' and i'm waiting for him to lose it #little does he know i am passively working towards finding more (what's the woooord uhhhhhhhhhhhh) sentences? words? #word things that have the same effect basically #hey if i went to go write right now wht would happen to my script #fearful of the power of a strange brain tethered to an exausted body #nah i won't write it'll prolly get really incoherant #and i'm just the epitemy of coherant aren't i? #THE WORD WAS PHRASES. #... #life footage of my thought process at all times #is tumblr gonna cut these tags? probably

[ddarker-dreams]

under what conditions can blade's dry texting extend beyond an archaic emoji reaction

i've mostly likely answered thousands of asks since i've started this blog four years ago.................... i've had some tricky characters questions that stumped me for a few minutes, but never longer than that. this, however... was my ultimate test. i actually had to think on it for a while 😭

-

in an ironic twist, the only way you could ever get blade to double text (and beyond) is if you're the one not texting him.

blade isn't the panicking type. if his mara is under control, his composure is second to none. he doesn't jump to crazy conclusions or work himself up if you've gone a few hours without texting him. you have a life of your own you're leading, which he respects, since his line of work frequently requires him to be away for weeks at a time. it'd be hypocritical of him to demand your attention the second he has some downtime.

it does strike him as odd once six or so hours have passed. he takes the area you occupy into consideration, since having consistent time zones across an infinite universe is impossible. he doesn't have to check a convertor. he just knows what hours you'll be awake or asleep, it's built into his circadian rhythm. if it's crickets on your end during the time you should be awake, he starts wondering.

normally, you're texting him selfies and pictures of your meals throughout the day, composing sickeningly sweet lines that almost make him blush from how unabashed they are. not having these silly snapshots of your life to look forward to after his work does a number on his already dour mood. he never really thought about how integral your presence has become to him until you deviated from your normal behavior.

at around the eight hour mark, he gets this sinking feeling in his stomach. he'll text you questions asking if you're okay, if anything's wrong... his eyes remain glued to his screen. any slight vibration that could be a notification from you has him whipping his phone out at inhuman speed. it's at this point that he breaks down and asks silver wolf to do him a favor, starting with checking recent surveillance footage in your area. if she can't find anything, that means you must've stayed in your residence. next up is tracking your location through your phone.

blade's already thinking about how to speed up the process of this world's destruction so he can book it back to you, when a vibration catches his attention. it's an unknown number. when he opens it, he's greeted by a selfie of you beside mechanical parts, with the caption,

'guess who accidentally smashed their phone while trying to kill a bug loooooooooooool'

all he can do is pinch his nose and sigh. if his hair ever grays again, it'll be thanks to you.

#he is my special soggy old man #honkai star rail x reader #blade x reader #blade brainrot #answered #Anonymous

[fanfoolishness]

The Music of Jedi: Survivor

Last night I went to the Grammy Museum for an event celebrating the Jedi: Survivor score!  Sometimes living in Los Angeles has its benefits.  It was an evening with composers Stephen Barton and Gordy Haab, as well as their recording engineer Alan Meyerson, moderated by Jon Burlingame.  I took copious notes throughout so I could share them with you all :) All quotes are paraphrases, I’m not that quick a note taker.

My husband and I settled into our seats, me vibrating with excitement as the lights dimmd.  I was already hyped to hear the composers talk about my favorite game and their process for scoring it, but then my jaw fell out of my head because who strolled up on stage but fucking Cal Kestis himself, Cameron Monaghan, unexpected and uncredited on the event description.

I almost rolled out of my chair.  Then I frantically started smacking my husband (who’s never played the game, but loves music and production) and hissing “it’s him it’s him it’s the Jedi!!!”

Cameron’s intro was brief but lovely.  He introduced himself, then paused and said something like, “Do you hear that?  That’s the sound of silence. That is awful. I can hear my own thoughts!  No one wants to play a game like that.  Which is why we have these guys!”  He introduced the composers, Stephen and Gordy, as well as the sound engineer Alan and the moderator for the event, shook their hands and exchanged some hugs, then sat down in the audience.  Giddily I returned to my notes as Jon led the discussion.

Q: How did you get into scoring video games?

Stephen was a gamer and had always been interested in working with video games.  They were “enticing” and the schedule was much more appealing than for TV, where you might be handed a script and told to get the music back in a few days.

Gordy hadn’t worked particularly in games before.

Alan has been mixing and engineering video game soundtracks for the past 25 years, like Gears of War.

Q: What’s the difference between scoring a film and scoring a video game?

For film, it’s adding music onto what already exists; often the composer isn’t involved until the last 6 weeks or so of production.  (Fun fact I learned earlier this year, Ludwig Goransson was involved from the start on Oppenheimer because Christopher Nolan specifically wanted to subvert that.) 

The film is fairly static by the time the composers get their hands on it, so things are unlikely to change.

Video games are more like trying to put clothes on someone running a race, because drastic changes can happen at any time.  The timeline is also greatly extended — 2-3 years is common — so things may evolve and shift drastically in that time.

Film is also much less volume of music… they wrote an entire 8 hours!

Q: Is there a Star Wars music “house” style?

Initially Star Wars projects outside of the original trilogy were often scored as if they were B sides to the original soundtrack.  But the aesthetic is evolving.  There are a few standards though — there must always be that symphonic scale.

The score was performed at Abbey Road.  Alan mentioned that he was actually there on 9/11 working on a movie about a terrorist attack.  Stephen loves recording at Abbey Road so much he and his wife named his daughter Abbey.  All three of them agreed that Abbey Road is magical and the orchestra practically blends itself; for choral performances, all you have to do is stick a couple microphones in there and they sound fantastic.

They played a clip of “Dark Times,” with gameplay footage intercut with the symphony performing at Abbey Road.  They explained that they wanted to develop a new theme for the Empire.  At this time, the Empire just is.  You can’t use the Imperial March, because the Imperial March is how the Empire perceives itself.  But how does Cal see the Empire?  It’s dark and ominous. It’s everywhere.  It’s a fact of life.

Gordy explained that they literally shaped the melody like the sinus rhythm of a heartbeat to indicate that Cal’s on the run, his heart always pounding, never safe.  They used a full 12 tone chromatic scale to keep the track always uncomfortable and unsettled.

Stephen is such a Merrical shipper!  He talked about how one of the central conflicts of Survivor is Cal struggling with his feelings towards Merrin, and what do you do when you’ve utterly lost the fight?  He pointed out what the Senator tells Cal, and calls him a pretty reasonable guy.  Do you stop fighting when you’ve clearly lost?  “Maybe Cal should go shack up with Merrin somewhere and have a nice life.”

Q: What is it like having so much funding for the score on a game like this?

All you can really sell now is quality, and people expect it now.

Q: What is the process like?

They are brought into the game in the script phase, where they may see some concept art and get to read the script to help determine the story beats.  

The collaboration is joyful!  It seems like it could be really scary, to have game play testers, the game designers, and other music folks all weighing in on how the score is working or not working, but they actually really enjoyed it.  They’ll usually do about half the music, then have people test play it for a few months, come back with notes, and then work on the remainder after seeing what worked and what didn’t.

They played “Flight” in its entirety with gameplay of Cal and Merrin outrunning the Trident, and talked extensively about our girl Merrin!  Stephen talked about how in JFO, Merrin was important but not as big of a player.  Now in Jedi: Survivor, Merrin is vital,and we can see her story arc take shape.  Her small motif in JFO was expanded into an epic, heroic scale after we see her power with portals and moving on the wind.  They reached for all kinds of wind instruments, from Alpine horns, Tibetan horns, and even the “most tasteful vuvuzela ever.”

Note: it’s almost as heart-pounding to watch that sequence on the big screen as it is to play it!

They both said that some music flows onto the page and is easy to write; the escape from Jedha sequence was not one of those!  It wasn’t easy to write, mix or play!  A hundred people worked on this song, and it was hard as hell.  The orchestra musicians kept coming up to Alan and telling him they loved playing it because it was such a challenge.

They don’t always tell the studio who wrote what.  They work well together as they both love bourbon and coffee!  Stephen says he’s great at about ¾ of the tune but not the ending, whereas Gordy can fix that up in a jiffy.  They also sometimes divvied things up by planet or emotional beats.  

Q: I noticed in this last song (“Flight”) there was a choral element.  How do you decide when to incorporate choir instead of synth choir?

Choir is often the first casualty of budget cuts since it’s so many people involved.  Sometimes, synth choir is chosen for just a vibe or an extra layer.

However, there’s a rule that in musicals when the emotion is building to a point that words can no longer contain them, that’s when a character must burst into song.  For a score, when the emotion is swelling and can no longer be contained by mere instruments, that is when to pull out the choir.  So we see it in “Flight.”

Me: We also see it in “Rage,” muahahaha.

They used 120 singers for Flight and only needed 3 microphones because of how good Abbey Road sounds.

They prefer amateur choirs to session professionals since you can sometimes have too-professional singers trying to out-sing each other, and amateurs are usually more relaxed.

Q: There were a number of unusual or even invented instruments used for this score, tell us about them.

Gordy made bottle chimes.  He accidentally dropped a bottle of water while playing tennis and a ball pinged off it, making a lovely sound.  He ordered 20 metal water bottles and strung them in a wardrobe rack with different amounts of water in them.  Because it took ages to make, they used it in loads of places in the score.

Stephen went nuts and ordered 200 containers of BlueTack for the pianos for Koboh.  They wanted Koboh to sound like the old West, but not that spaghetti Western honkytonk piano sound.  If you make BlueTack into a sausage shape and roll it around a piano string you can make it make these strange broken sounds sort of like a gamelan.  This is called a prepared piano.  The low bumbumbum noises when first getting on Koboh and meeting the pit droid?  Freaking piano.  I would have never guessed!  They did this to 3 pianos.

They played a clip of Where the Nekkos Roam.  They used the prepared pianos, an orchestra, dulcimers, Basset horns, euphoniums, tubas.  They wanted Koboh to feel lived in and to have history expressed in the music.  The musicians were excited to have to rent out Basset horns since like nobody actually owns one.

Q: Tell us about the cantina music.

The original cantina brief from George Lucas to John Williams was apparently, “what if aliens came down in 1000 years and found sheet music from Benny Goodman, but didn’t have the same instruments?” And thus we got the Mos Eisley cantina theme which is almost unbeatable.  

They were thinking of scoring the cantina music themselves, but then thought, “what if we gave that brief to a bunch of really cool bands?”

They highly recommended Dan Mayo from Tantran.  They recommended taking a few hours to watch him kick ass on the drums on YouTube.

Tantran recorded "Fields of Dusk" for the cantina first, then Stig came back and said “what if we wove this into the score?  What if it was Cal and Merrin’s love theme?”  Then they created a symphonic version, also partially inspired by a Joni Mitchell song.

They played part of the cantina version of “Fields of Dusk,” then they played the symphonic version with Cal and Merrin riding the spamel to Cere’s base.  They gushed about being able to work with the story and the subtext.

Alan said that "Fields of Dusk” “is visceral.  It vibrates shit inside of you.  Mixing it was a highly emotional experience for me.  Even now sitting under the subwoofer — it’s right here, over my head — it’s very emotional.”

Q: How many motifs do you have?

“Seven thousand.” - Stephen

Gordy later amended that to about two dozen, but with tons of variations.

Q: What are the interactions like with the game developers?

They get to be in the building with them, working on the narrative team — making sure to serve the story first.  It also lets them practice gameplay or watch others playing to see how it flows.

Again, it’s a 2-3 year process.

They played the clip of Cal and Merrin making a campfire in the cave on Jedha.  Stephen is all about the Merrical ship (not that he used those words, alas, but still)!  He said this was such gorgeous writing, really allowing the technology to showcase the acting, and it’s his all time favorite scene in the game.

The whole theater clapped as he said that.  Yes!  A whole theater clapping while someone was talking about Merrical and calling it gorgeous. *sobbing forever*

Q: What has it been like to meet fans?

They’ve been delighted by the fans and how much they love the characters and the amazing performances of all the actors in the game.

Q: Are there plans for a sequel?

Stephen: “Are there Lucasfilm snipers out there?  Look for the red dot…”

Gordy: “There’s not NOT plans.”

Fan questions!

Alan mentioned he loves doing the hardest piece first!  Then it’s all skiing downhill.

A fan asked about more weird created instruments.  

They also used a bunch of bamboo smacking other pieces of bamboo, as well as using little drums from other purposes or sets.

Was there anything they messed up or wanted to do differently than they did in JFO?

They accidentally didn’t loop music in the hangar on Zeffo, so if you stick around there for more than 3 minutes, it just becomes wind sound and gets very lonely.  A live streamer was playing the game, talked to his audience for like 10 minutes, then wandered around almost in silence as his fans commented “why is this game so quiet?”

Gordy wanted to make JFO sound much darker and got his wish in Survivor.

I had so been hoping they would talk about “Rage” and the struggle with the dark side, but they were sort of avoiding spoilers.  So when they got to the Q&A I had to speak up.

I asked, “What was it like working with darker themes later in the game, like with Rage?  You see a real shift in the motifs and there’s also more amazing choral work.”  Their faces seriously lit up XD

Stephen said this was one he handed to Gordy because it was very difficult.

Gordy said that this is Cal at his worst, so it had to be so over the top.  Think of consonant sounds crashing through the melody, Cal trying to keep control of his thoughts but they’re twisting away, he’s trying to think straight and can’t.  It’s discordant.  It’s also scored to evoke a heartbeat throughout, like breathing.  

It was so hard for the choir to do, going back and forth — you can’t do that with choral samples or synth!

They ended with a video they played from their Hollywood Bowl show in June, and said we were only the second group of people to see it.  They played a clip where they do use the classic Imperial March, but contoured so you only get the silhouette of its shape, instead of the full sound.  It ended with a clip of the Tantran band playing a wicked awesome set out in the desert.  The last image they showed was a list of the 287 people who worked on the score!

We let out and I did get to meet them!  Stephen was lovely  and I told him it was just such a beautiful, haunting score.  I actually had a sketch of the campfire scene with me and he signed it!  His daughter Abbey is an artist too and she was really impressed by my sketchbook (she looked to be about 11).  Gordy also got to see a bit of my sketchbook and signed Cal in Nova Garon!  What an awesome night!  We didn’t see Cameron again but I was so astounded to see him the first time I didn’t mind at all.  

SO COOL!  Sometimes, kids, living in Los Angeles isn’t so bad!!

#jedi: survivor #cameron monaghan #cal kestis #gordy haab #stephen barton #alan meyerson #grammy museum #jedi survivor #jedi survivor spoilers #jedi: survivor spoilers #my jedi posts

[girlactionfigure]

AFFECT OF HAMAS FOOTAGE ON ME

LEE KERN

NOV 8

Only woke up from nightmares twice last night. I’m getting better…

Last week I attended a private press screening of footage from the Hamas atrocities. It was 47 minutes of footage recorded by Hamas themselves and captured on CCTV. You can read an account of it here. Attendees weren’t allowed to take phones or recording equipment into the screening. I had a notepad and pen. I sat down in my seat. The entire wall in front of me was a screen.

The film started. The footage was objectively distressing - but I was surprised and impressed with myself that I was immediately okay watching it. I was focused so hard on writing down what I saw that I wasn’t emotionally connecting with the footage. I didn’t have time. I had a job to do. I didn’t gaze too deeply at the HD quality images onscreen as I had to look down at my notepad to scribble notes. I felt like crying a couple of times - when they did something to a baby - or when they did something to a child - but I pushed that down to continue the job - and I was impressively okay. 

I left the screening not really remembering much of what I’d seen. I thought, “Oh wow - I got away with that okay. I can’t even picture anything I saw.”

Later I had a pizza and a walk along the sea front. I made a guy in a shop laugh. 

That night I burst into tears. 

The next day I had to go get a sim card for my phone and I pulled my hat low over my eyes as I burst into uncontrollable sobs while walking the streets. There was sunshine and people sat outside cafes and I was just unable to stop myself sobbing. Deep sobs coming from my chest and my eyes streaming. I sniffled like a child while walking down the street. I couldn’t make it go away. I thought one good cry would get it out my system, but more whimpers and tears just came out of my chest. I was whimpering. And there were images in my mind now. I remembered everything. I saw things Hamas did. Things I don’t have the language or life experience to compute. I was baffled. I don’t understand what I saw. But every part of my body on a cellular level was rejecting it as the most wrong thing that could happen under the sun. It was an accumulaton of every piece of evil since Cane killed Abel. Hamas had mastered the art of sin. And they had conquered morality. They stood in a place where humans were not meant to stand. Where they are no longer human. They were free of all human shackles. They had achieved a power that transcended human frailty but became monstrous in the process. 

Things went like this for the next few days. I’d break into an instantaneous sob. I often didn’t even have an image in my mind when I burst into tears. The screening would be mentioned and something in me happened that bypassed any kind of thought. My head would just bow in tears. I went to stay with some family. They picked me up and within ten seconds of being in the car I burst into tears when asked what I’d been up to. Being in a family home and around normal things was a useful antidote. But I’d still break into debilitating sobs when I recalled what Hamas did or if someone tried to speak to me about it. 

It was also confusing and annoying. I wasn’t depressed! But yet I’d break into tears. I didn’t understand it. I wasn’t depressed but I’d cry like a broken man.

I’d had no sleep since I got to Israel. That obviously didn’t help. I’d visited a kibbutz that had experienced a massacre. That didn’t help. But still I thought I’d be okay. 

The video fucked me up against me will. 

The human brain has built no immunity against the things Hamas filmed. 

It put some kind of splinter in my head. But simply being aware of that and wanting it to be out didn’t mean it would come out. 

I thought I’d improve as days went by but my outbursts seemed to be just as intense. I worried if things continued like this I’d have some kind of mental breakdown. 

I didn’t want to keep seeing what they did to that man.

I was also frustrated because I’d come to Israel to help and I didn’t want to be taken out of the fight with a mental injury. The particular skillset I have means I have to stay immersed in all the ugly shit. I wish I could just pack food for soldiers. If I can communicate well it’s because I’m sensitive and stuff flows into me. I become what I see. People have been demanding my time and I’m trying to help as much as possible but it was getting difficult to be useful to them or myself. In this spirit I didn’t have any macho pride. I’d openly tell people I wasn’t feeling great and didn’t feel shy if I cried in front of them. I didn’t really have a choice. I just wanted to try and find a way to temporarily shovel shit out of my head so I can keep being of service.

The other night I had to move accommodation. I hired an airbnb but then a friend of a friend offered for me to stay at their place whilst they were away. I cancelled the airbnb and I arrived at the accommodation. It was night and I met a neighbour who had the key. We went up the dark stairwell and everything felt off. It was a world of flickering lights and mosquitos. We stood outside the apartment as she searched for the key. There was this terrible noise above us. “What’s that?” “That’s the arabs upstairs drilling.” We went inside and the occupants had left the house a total mess. It all felt grim to me. And the sound of drilling continued upstairs. And the world felt like cockroaches. And I knew once the door shut behind me this would be the most awful night alone. So I plucked up the courage and overcame my politeness and said I can’t stay there. I called a friend and asked them to find me a hotel.

Whilst that was being arranged I waited in the apartment of the woman with the keys and her baby. Toys were everywhere. I was trying to politely respond to her conversation as a cartoon about trains was playing, but I was quietly managing a panic attack as I saw in my mind dead people on her floor amongst her baby’s toys and lying by the fluttering curtains. 

Arranging the hotel was taking time and it was getting late. 

In that time a family friend phoned and I started crying to them. Their daughter then messaged and said I could stay with them so I stayed at hers for the night, cried a few times in conversation, and had my first rocket experience - going into a safe room twice. I got about one hours sleep after trying to kill some mosquitos at four am.

The next afternoon I got a bit better because I tried not to talk about war things with people. I tried to give more territory in my mind to healthy things. I got an hours sleep in the day. I felt better when I transitioned from fear to healthy anger in a video - which was a relief because I was pushing my feelings outwards rather than crumbling inwards. I spoke to a lawyer friend who has worked on cases involving war crimes and has seen things. I got a good night’s sleep and felt good in the morning. I had a few moments of anxiety overcome me during the day. But it feels like they’re becoming less frequent and less powerful. I did cry again after speaking to a pair of siblings whose sister has been kidnapped and who asked me if I’d seen the video. When we hugged goodbye in tears it felt like the first real hug I’ve had since I’ve been here. 

A trauma therapist kindly arranged to see me for free. And time passing seems to be helping. I’m glad I reacted badly because it means I’m a normal healthy human being. A healthy person should be horrified. Only an insane or wicked person could be comfortable with the crimes Hamas committed. 

I don’t know what the language is yet to describe what I saw. I’m not sure what the vocabulary is. They did things that I don’t understand. I don’t understand how they did the things they did. I saw them do things and I don’t understand how they did it. To be able to do what they did is almost a superpower. It’s a superpower I don’t want. To be able to do they things they did and feel nothing but happiness. To be able to inflict that level of cruelty and be utterly indifferent to the people crying.

This is an account of how I’ve been affected. I wasn’t even there. I’m not even a family member of someone taken hostage. I wasn’t on a kibbutz hiding. I haven’t had to bury someone. 

God only knows how the victims will get through this. I can only hope He does know and He doesn’t keep it to Himself. 

We need to help the victims. There has to be an international coalition of love to help them through this. 

As for the terrorists?

I don’t believe in the death penalty, but I believe those Hamas involved in the atrocities have to die. I hope the IDF kill them all. I hope they die in the sun or underground in darkness. I hope they die awake or asleep. I hope they die by bullets or bombs. They cannot be allowed to infect the world with their actions or words. I still don’t understand what I saw in the footage Hamas shot. I can only repeat myself: there is no vocabulary for it. It is almost a superpower to be able to behave the way they did. A superpower I don’t want. To commit such acts of evil - such inventive cruelty - and to have no pangs of empathy or conscience. They look like us and they have hands and legs - but they’re not us. They have eyes but the windows into their souls go into a charnel house where they wash themselves with skulls. We can’t share this world with whatever they are or whatever is inside them. They didn’t open a gate to hell. They are hell. And hell smiled to see its work. They want to devour anything that is not them. Which is any human incapable of doing what they did to women, children and babies for thirty six hours.

They mastered the art of sin and it is something no human should have ever learned to do, because now there are monsters among us. We cannot share the planet with them.

#Israel #October 7 #hamas Massacre #Lee Kern

[stoopid-turtle]

the art of being a skeptical turtle

So this is a personal post more about my experience as a turtle. If you just want to get to the fun list of candies I totally buy into regardless of evidence, just skip down to where the asterisks are. (Consider this like a recipe attached to a blog post)

For those interested in the whole nerdery going on here, let me share that I had a lot of trouble coming to terms with bjyxszd. I wrote a whole series of posts about it to get my thoughts in order. Now I'm fully on the turtle train, but I find myself skeptical of some candies.

This is gonna get super-nerdy so hold on to your butts.

I'm a generally skeptical person. I come by it honestly. My parents literally subscribed to Skeptical Inquirer and Skeptics magazines. They (well, my dad mainly) were capital-S Skeptics. My family talked about logical fallacies, perceptual oddness, and the fallibility of memory over the dinner table.

Please don't back away. I know self-identified Skeptics are typically insufferable. I didn't know this as a kiddo, though, so the whole "thinking about things skeptically" became just my default way of processing stuff. Nowadays, I wouldn't call myself a Skeptic in the way that some in a particularly obnoxious subculture do. But I do tend to be a skeptical sort. I just don't...you know...think it makes me smarter/better/cooler than other folks.

(Actually, it makes me way less cool bc I can single-handedly ruin a fun party by expressing skepticism about something. Nobody likes a wet blanket. I know this)

My bestie in high school always called me Scully to his Mulder. He would believe anything he saw or read, whereas I didn't. Usually, I was right. Like when he totally thought that the Blair Witch Project was real found footage (It's not. Nobody thinks it is now, I know, but it was part of the promo at the time). On occasion, he was right. Like when he told me that some gray clouds we had overheard were from wildfires in Mexico. I scoffed bc, really, we weren't that close to Mexico. But he was right and I learned a valuable lesson on large-scale weather phenomenon. (He's still wrong about there being a picture of a light bulb in the pyramids though)

So, yeah, that's just how I process things. It's second-nature for me. But I reached a point with my generally skeptical outlook where I considered 2 things to see whether I really cared if people were buying into something I thought was false.

The stakes. If a person believes X, what does that lead to? If I don't believe Y, even though it's true, what does that lead to?

There's a whole bunch of political stuff that heightens the stakes. To take a ridiculous (and outdated one), when I was growing up, there was a common story that AIDS hopped from apes to humans because a gay man had sex with an ape and then had sex with other humans. Thus, the AIDS epidemic.

The stakes of other people buying into that homophobic nonsense were (and are) life and death. (If you believe that...uh...bye?) It's something that's worth me being the obnoxious Scully if I hear someone buying into it.

The stakes of, say, my high school bestie believing that The Blair Witch Project was real found footage was...nothing. It just made him want to see the movie more. Nobody was hurt. It didn't matter.

I argued with him at the time, but I probably wouldn't anymore.

The stakes for believing that bjyxszd, here in international fandom, are perhaps higher than the Blair Witch thing. But only barely. If somebody believes in a particular rumor/candy that I don't think is real, it affects literally nothing. We're both still turtles. We have a lot more in common than we do difference with regards to YiZhan. Likewise, the effect of me not believing a candy that may be true is nil. Gg and dd are not impacted in any way.

(I think things may be different for c-fans, but that's not at all a thing I'm qualified to delve into. I can only account for myself in my context)

2. The other thing I consider is the context. That is, how likely are we to know the actual truth?

Scientific claims have a method to test them (and claims that can't be tested are just...not something science addresses). Claims about current events can be researched using journalism methods or whatever. For that homophobic AIDS story, there's ways to prove that it's not true. For the Blair Witch thing...well, the actors went on the talk show circuit for promo so, you know, the real footage myth was quickly lifted.

Celebrities exist in a different context. Like most people, they have a private life that is not accessible to people on the outside. If they choose to open up about that life, then cool. But if they don't or can't do so (like is the case with YiZhan), then they'll try to keep their private life out of sight of fans.

It really hit home to me when I was doing the bts thing how little of dd and gg we saw in the Untamed bts. We see even less of them now. I'm at peace with the fact that I just will never know much about these guys (I wrote a whole post about it). But the fact that there's a big mass of the unknown means that the possibilities are endless. We don't know and we'll never know.

So I don't have any more authority on anything gg or dd related than anybody else does. So why would I attempt to question or dismiss candies that other people find compelling? At the end of the day, there is a truth, but it's not accessible to us, so anything we come up with is just extrapolation.

Which is fine. It's fun. I think there's real stuff going on. (If I didn't, I wouldn't be here) But it means there's no real point arguing about the specific candies.

(and to be clear, I don't see turtles doing this, really. so this is all just me reiterating my own approach to things bc I'm a person who processes thoughts through long tumblr posts apparently) (and it's not a reaction to any particular candy. this post has been in my drafts for ages)

I think I'm a hard sell on a lot of candies, and I'm definitely the fuddy-duddy who just squints and asks a bunch of obnoxious questions about things.

But I ask those questions of myself and don't feel the need to annoy other turtles with them because, honestly, we're all in this boat together. Some candies appeal to particular turtles more than others, and I think we all kinda have our personal preferences for which ones resonate with us. I'm not here to rain on anybody's parade, especially as we all have way more in common just bc we all believe in bjyxszd.

This is all a long-winded way to explain how I think about candies, honestly. Or more, how I assess candies that are new-to-me and figure out whether to buy into it or not. With anything involving bjyx, I also leave a lot of room for there just being an unknown and unknowable. Again, the stakes are low, and if I'm wrong about any particular candy (in either direction), then...oh well? It affects literally nothing.

************************************************************************************************************************************************

So here's the fun part! The list of candies that I fully admit don't have a whole lot going for them (by my stupidly exacting standards) but that I totally buy into just because I like them.

Basically all lip-readings, but especially this one

(if you don't want to click thru, this is the moment from the Nanjing farewell concert where dd and gg seem to flirt about photos while on-stage)

Okay, I know, rationally, that lip-readings are always gonna be shaky. I mean, I've seen Medieval Land Fun-Time World. If I'm honest with myself, I know that the lip-readings are basically fluffy candy.

But whatever. I choose to believe them. This moment, especially, I adore (and it does come with dd posting a bare-faced photo after!). I think their big grins while openly flirting with each other on stage just jazzes me enough to pretend.

It's all true. I totally believe it.

Related to this is:

2. Any and all CPN about dd and/or gg seeing turtle signs and smiling or otherwise reacting positively.

I've seen such CSI-worthy analysis of sight-lines to try to establish with precision where dd or gg is looking at the moment they smile/look happy. I have no idea how much any of it holds up, and it's not worth the bother to try to confirm any of it.

But whatever. I like it. I believe it. I'll probably believe it everytime it happens.

3. Advanced Bombology.

So there's some things that aren't in dispute here. We definitely know that gg suddenly cut an Olay commercial ad from a 2 day shoot to a 1 day shoot, and it's a reasonable assumption that he did so to be at the DDU anniversary episode with GG.

The rest is a little fuzzy. The video details dd being kinda grouchy in interviews before the DDU shoot, and it also shares an anon rumor from a person who claimed to overhear dd in a studio restroom arguing on the phone with gg. This rumor came out a year after the event.

The rest of the video is some interpretation of the boys' behavior/mood in the DDU anniversary ep.

So, like, I get that anon rumors a year on maybe aren't the most solid evidence for anything. But whatever, I buy it.

And the interpretation of the boys' mood seems true to me, especially the moment where the interviewer asks gg if they'd discussed his visit ahead of time. Gg def does a sweatdrop, panic pause, look at dd moment and waits for dd's lead to answer. I find a lot of mood interpretation from videos a bit much, but this feels real.

In fact, the whole thing just feels real. Maybe that's why it's easy for me to buy. It feels like a real argument a couple would have.

4. The 5/22 fight during CQL shooting.

I talked about this back when I was doing the bts in order.

In tl;dr, dd gives gg a bit of a brush-off response to something. gg responds by cold shouldering him and then doing some passive aggressive sniping about how dd doesn't want gg to care about him. dd gets upset, then he apologizes, then they go on to watch something on one of their phones.

The basis of this one is some gossip plus a video shot from a distance that requires reading lips. So we know that's already fuzzy, and I know I approached this with some skepticism in my earlier post. That was just to be rational about things so as to be honest with myself.

In truth, I buy it. I buy the argument. I buy the lip-reading. Again, it feels real.

5. GG's card to turtles

This is one of those frustrating ones I'm having trouble refinding. Darn.

The upshot, and I'm going from memory, is that there's a CPN about a card written to turtles ostensibly from gg. This came with some handwriting comparison to try to match the signature to gg's known signature.

This isn't something I'd place bets on, because...seriously, it's so fuzzy.

But in my heart, I believe it for no reason other than that I want to.

6. DD as gg's mystery driver

Okay, there's a couple such incidents. One quite recently. Where gg's driver is mysteriously masked such that you can't see their face.

And, truth, it could be literally anybody under there. But for me, it's dd. No need to give me painstaking comparisons of hands or whatever. I'm fully in on this one.

7. The bone necklace.

Ack, don't hate me for this one!

When I was doing my posts about stuff that had convinced me that gg and dd were still together, I stumbled with the bone necklace. To me, it's the main thing that convinces me, but if I'm honest, it really is kinda a leap of faith thing.

With the ox-head necklace, we have the fancam footage to back it up as being from gg. All we have for the bone necklace is the timing and the precedent of dd having already worn a necklace from gg. That's shaky, really.

In fact, I think I saw some other dd CP claiming the bone necklace as theirs (I saw them also claiming the Leica camera). I think they're wrong, but I don't have any solid proof to say so.

I think the most I can say is that there are much harder evidences that gg and dd are still together. But these typically involve massive privacy violations so I'm not eager to spread them around (I kinda hate that I stumble upon them, tbh). But in any case, it has me convinced, so if I already know gg and dd are a couple, then of course the bone necklace is related.

But on its own, the bone necklace is a leap.

Okay, that all said, since I (finally) had a photo of dd last time I posted, I'm dropping a random gg photo here. Not my favorite, cause pls don't make me choose, but one that hangs out my head throughout the days.

#bjyx #yizhan #considerations of being a turtle #it starts nerdy and then turns into a listicle #no judgment for just skipping to the candies #gratuitous gg photo #they srsly just wrapped him in cables and then that happened #what is his waist yall #and why's there a car driving up his lapel? #still sexy

[nerdy-the-artist]

Maytroid 2024 is here!

I am so excited to get to work on these new prompts. Last year, my entries for each day were fairly sloppy, and I was new to the series, so I was lacking a fair bit of information. Now, I’m armed with more knowledge and am eager to use it.

For those who haven’t seen what I did for Maytroid last year, what I’m going to be doing instead of art is something more writing focused. These little text entries are mostly styled after the scans from the Metroid Prime series. Matter of fact, this new set of prompts actually lends itself much better than last year’s, as I have a lot more leeway to play to my own strengths than last year (I still don’t know what the fuck I’m gonna do with Gorea). These are all canon to my own Metroid AU currently, though as things change in development, these may become out of date. They will give the vibe my stories are going for, but these shouldn’t be held to as the absolute canon for them. I’ll be posting these week by week, around 7 at a time, starting today.

Day 1: Ridley

Transcript of Security Footage

Several individuals in this footage cannot be identified at this time. They shall be identified as Pirate 1, Pirate 2, and Pirate Major.

Ridley: What I want to know… is why he is not in custody.

Pirate Major: I gave them their orders, they knew he was to be brought in alive, and instead they killed him.

Pirate 1: You told us to take care of him! We thought you meant an execution, not milk and cookies!

Pirate Major: Insolent Wretch! You say such things about your orders in front of our Commander?! You know how we handle that sort of insubordination!

Pirate 2: Cool it, we’re already in hot water.

Pirate 1: We’re in hot water because of the life of some winy little nobody that begged for his life with money he didn’t even have.

Ridley: While your insolence is… aggravating… I am willing to forgive this misstep.

Pirate Major: What?

Ridley: He was an insignificant pawn. We can always find another. As I was saying, I am willing to forgive this on one condition. Did he die in pain?

Pirate 2: Yes. He did suffer before he died.

Ridley: What methods or torture did you employ?

Pirate 1: Waterboarding. Works wonders on humans. I always liked how they sound when they cough and gasp for air.

Ridley:Mmmmm… was blood shed before his end?

Pirate 2: Yeah. My partner here has… quite the way with knives.

Ridley: Do tell.

Pirate 1: Slashed his wrists. Those arteries gush lots of blood from humans. And we started pulling teeth when he lied.

Ridley: Delicious. You have escaped capital punishment, but you will still be serving as guards for the Metroid containment units. For further forgiveness, you will need to be more creative with your implements. I find Revine’s death, by your account, to be quite dull. Your are dismissed, unless you wish to enlighten me further.

Day 2: Fiery

Scan of Pipe System in Norfair

“These pipes appear be delivering superheated magma into the Norfair region. Given the proximity to Ridley’s personal quarters, likely explanations include terraforming the area for Ridley’s own comfortability, additional protective measures, or the intentional destruction of Chozo artifacts not deemed useful. The latter is most likely, as the immediate area was once a Chozo burial tomb. It is now completely submerged in magma, disintegrating much of the artifacts within.”

Day 3: Winged

Scan of SA-X Mutations

“This X-Parasite copy has suffered some form of destabilization of its copying abilities. Abnormalities include a malformed, beak like structure around the mouth, several atrophied fingers, several hypertrophied fingers, small patches of feathers, and an extraneous structure protruding from its back resembling a Chozo wing bereft of feathers. These unusual deformities could be the result of DNA infusions during childhood complicating the process of anatomical replication within X-Parasite offspring. This individual seems to suffer great stress from its predicament, but it is unsafe to assume that its combat functionality is greatly hampered. Adaptation is this species’s main trait.”

Day 4: Pirate

Scan of Space Pirate Elite

“Subject is a member of an unknown species known only from individuals working within Ridley’s special operations group, The Revenants. This group acts as Ridley’s personal enforcers and assassins, fanatically worshipping their commander as a literal God of Death. They wield melee weapons personalized to their unique fighting styles. Each weapon is charged with electricity, giving them an additional ranged attack capability. They have operated since before the Galactic Federation, making a name for themselves in fighting Chozo warriors. Their endurance, agility, and strength cannot be overstated, in spite of their gaunt appearance.”

Day 5: Mecha

Scan of automaton codenamed Mecha Ridley

“Subject is a battle ready drone, seemingly created by Ridley’s fanatical special forces, the Revenants. Mecha Ridley is heavily weaponized, as there could be no altar to the God of Death without the ability to take a life. Weapons include flamethrowers, guided munition launchers, and superheated claws. Mecha Ridley’s armor is highly durable, but greatly hampers mobility compared to its inspiration. Additionally, as a cult idol of worship, advanced artificial intelligence was not prioritized during production. Mecha Ridley displays average combat intellect for a war drone. Recommend staying moving and outsmarting the automaton.”

Day 6: Fang

Scan of Rundas’s Necklace

“Rundas appears to have begun collecting Metroid Fangs as trophies since last he was approached. Assuming one fang was taken from each Metroid he has eliminated, he has defeated 15 Metroids in the two months since he was last seen. Unfortunately, his ego has grown with his kill count.”

Day 7: Cunning

Scan of Abandoned Home

“Old Bird and Grey Voice’s abandoned home has been left mostly in tact, minus the usual signs of neglect. However, there appear to be a plethora of traps lain around the home. Various grapple snares have been detected, alongside explosive charges, beam emitters, and microphones. Much of these systems appear to be inert, and once reported directly to Mother Brain. It is clear she anticipated you might return here before confronting her. Given her destruction, several trap systems remain completely dormant. Still, any approach must be made with great caution.”

#metroid #samus aran #chozo #metroid prime #metroid au #ridley metroid #fanfic #old bird #grey voice #Rundas #Metroid Prime 3 #metroid fusion #sa x #x-parasites #mother brain #space pirates #maytroid #Maytroid 2024

[bookscandlesnbts]

they must have been planning/talked about this for a long time since the application process starts so far in advance, and then they went on their japan trip so would’ve had moments alone nearer to the enlistment time so of course they would have private moments to talk, but it also must be so difficult when you’re moments from actually enlisting and there’s btb staff cameras, media cameras, parents and family, 2 enlisted members and everything! so overwhelming - the moment where JK rubs JMs head and JM looks away then back at him, and that long look they cut at the end of the btb felt so…. heavy

Hi anon. Get ready for some all over the place thoughts because honestly, I’ve been having a hard time. And I knew I would, but even trying to anticipate this and getting myself mentally “ready”, I am not ready. I was not ready to say goodbye to Jimin, to Jikook to any of the members. And I’m not fooled. 18 months is a long damn time. If it’s this hard on day 2, then I need to prepare myself. I need distractions. If I still get anons, and can come up with things to post, then I will stay active on here. I have no one to gush about BTS with in my real life and even less so now that they are all gone to MS. I made it 2 minutes into Jimin’s last live and then I couldn’t do it. He was devastated. He was holding back tears and we know from a decade worth of content that Jimin is not one to cry easily. He waited until the very last second to cut his hair. It really broke my heart to know that he has to do this and doesn’t want to at all. In fact, I spent pretty much all of yesterday and the day before crying and now I am having moments where I break down if I’m alone with my thoughts for too long. Don’t be fooled either. It’s not just Jimin. I’m furious that all the members and every citizen has to. That MS is mandatory. But I’m not going to talk about that or go further into my thoughts on it.

I figured it would only be a matter of time before we learned more about the application timeline, but I knew it had to be far enough in advance. If I had even known that a companion enlistment existed, I would have called it from Day 1 that they would enlist together, but I sadly can’t claim that.

I hope they got as ready as they possibly could. It seemed like the reality set in for JM and JK during their lives, and unlike some of the shittest most obnoxious parts of the fandoms (yn cis hets looking at you) that claimed that JK was going to be so excited to go and want to even stay longer, he wasn’t. He wasn’t at all. His live was short and somber. He also said that he was iffy about it. I know BTS didn’t want special treatment, and part of me is glad that they didn’t get it because of the uproar that it would cause, but it’s still awful that they had to do it at all. I have to trick myself sometimes into thinking that it’s not what it really is just to cope.

The way Jimin bent forward to JK showing him his head made me cry. He needed comfort and approval, and JK just rubbed it over and over and looked away from Jimin for a minute. I think he was overwhelmed too. Of course, he complimented him which was so sweet.

I’ll be honest, I’m pretty terrible at noticing footage cuts, but that one was SO OBVIOUS that if I can notice it, then it’s really bad. I can’t even speculate what was cut because I’m not creative but my guess is that they said something comforting and private to each other.

In summary, I hate this. I knew I would hate it. But it’s so much more painful than I could have imagined and I think it’s because JM and JK were both so sad in their lives. And don’t get me wrong, I’m so so glad they were honest with us. That’s how you know that they aren’t “fake” and “scripted” like some idiots want all of the members to be characters in a tv show. They are human and they bared their human emotional souls to us. And it broke my heart and it will for the next 18 months. I think about how long we have been without Jin already and it sucks so much. But we will be there for each other. We will try to have little joys and experiences. We will work on ourselves and improve whatever it is we want to improve or achieve. Or some days or most days we will just fucking exist. We also don’t have to do anything monumental or special. Existing is enough too. Existing until 2025 when they reunite.

[marshmallowgoop]

2023 AMV Review

[2022]

After posting my first DaVinci Resolve AMV in April 2022, video editing quickly became one of my favorite hobbies, and this new life development actively characterized my 2023. Be it working on a project to mix the HD, remastered footage of Detective Conan with the old FUNimation English dub or piecing together AMVs, much of my free time throughout the year was devoted to video editing.

A broken computer for several weeks in the summer meant that I couldn't edit as many videos as I would have wanted, but I still progressed and learned a lot. I mixed 70 episodes of HD English dub, I made a YouTube channel, I participated in video collaborations (3! Here, here, and here!), and I tried so many new things as an editor, including but not limited to:

🎬 Glitching VHS effects (seen in "Mohan Kaitou" and "Poison Tree" above, and helped by my acquisition of a VCR, which allowed me to digitize my Detective Conan VHS tapes)

🎬 Karaoke subtitle files that can be toggled on and off on YouTube, created with the help of YTSubConverter (Would anyone be interested in a process post?)

🎬 3D camera typography (the "so alone" in "Corridors of Time")

🎬Follower text (the "we'd never known" in "Corridors of Time")

🎬 Solid color transitions ("I Wish That I Could Tell You")

🎬 Circle animations ("Corridors of Time")

🎬 Masked transitions ("Mohan Kaitou," "Poison Tree")

🎬 Eye zoom transitions ("Mohan Kaitou," "Child," "Monsters," "Poison Tree")

🎬 Ink splats ("Corridors of Time," "Head Above Water")

🎬 Selective red coloring ("Poison Tree")

🎬 More thoughtful compositions, and fudging sizing and placement for compositional reasons (the handkerchief transition in "Child," the movement of the scenes behind Ran in "Monsters," the liquid flowing in "Poison Tree")

🎬Changing the color of something (the red eyes in "Poison Tree")

🎬 Static masks ("Poison Tree")

🎬 Masking out objects (any [adult swim] logos from VHS footage that didn't come from my Japanese VHS tapes in "Poison Tree")

🎬And though it's not depicted in the snippet above, a CRT and curved TV screen effect for the TV at the end of the full "Poison Tree"

While I was only able to complete 9 AMVs (and the "Messed Up" AMV sadly isn't included in the snippets above, as it remains incomplete), I'm so excited to make more in 2024 with all the new tools in my toolbox!

#ramblings #long post #video #eye strain #blood #injury #amv #i really really wish i got more videos done (so sad i missed coai week because of my broken computer!) #but i feel like i made a lot of progress! #i can't believe i only started doing some of these things (like the karaoke subs) this year #because it feels like i've been doing them for forever #i also really super benefited from the video collabs #my youtube channel was made almost entirely because i wanted to participate in video collabs so i'm so so happy that i got to be part of 3! #the feedback i received in those collabs helped me *immensely* and i'm so grateful for the patience of the other editors 🙏 #looking forward to editing more in 2024! thank you for all the support as i figure this video editing thing out! #detective conan

[chevvy-yates]

WIP Wednesday

Got tagged by noone and making a new one!

But I tag: @dreamskug and @astarionhistears, @gloryride, @nervouswizardcycle, @streetkid-named-desire, @koda-shoulda-woulda-but-didnt, @robininthewoods90, @ouroboros-hideout, @wraithsoutlaws, @dustymagpie, @therealnightcity, @elvenbeard, @heywoodvirgin, @86maylin and @itzsassha – also everyone who likes to do it as always and no pressure!

Today I'm gonna talk about Thyjs on my wip as these unfinished thoughts have been sitting in my drafts for quite a while, so expect only a long text post — my mind still circles a lot about him how to portrait Thyjs the best way — mostly in writing but also in pics.

I know he looks all sweet and cute when he's together with Ryder, and I imagine he can be funny as well especially with his cute Dutch accent, but I think he definitely needs to have some negative trait too, since he's definitely 'the most sane' when it comes to uh … 'problems as a Night City citizen'? – as he's not from NC – and Europe being different than NUSA.

Since he's a soldier I think he should definitely have some form of ptsd. There is no way he doesn't have that.

The sudden loss of almost all of his squad definitely was the most traumatic event that happened to him, but also eventually led to him accepting he has to talk about that and accept and allow his emotions to come through, too.

I'm no expert (more likely a noob) when it comes to ptsd but I think losing his father two years prior made him more 'unemotional' than before as he was also drilled by Militech to be a war machine — to be strong, have less emotions to the point to shut them down. Maybe also combat stims provided to bring emotions into the background? (have to look it up).

He didn't see it happen how his father died, but he found footage later after he began to try finding out why and what really happened (Cynosure) that eventually leads to the traumatic end of his squad the more he found out. He always thought his father was indestructible. He looked up to him.

His tie with his father and mother was good, so no trauma through his childhood except when he got mobbed by other young teenage trainees for his albinism at first <- turned him into the direction: "show them you can do it nonetheless, that you can beat them in training", which led to Thyjs being one of the best soldiers in the end -> brought him to KCT and into the international spec ops team after many deployments worldwide.

So I think along his way to become a soldier and various events more or less traumatic (as he's seen a lot of death, destruction and had to kill on command, without mercy and even torture captives for information, was struck by lightning and the loss of his left forearm) he started developing some emotional numbness or psychical numbing. His affectivity went into the background (as he is not interested to form special bonds or a love relationship) and he's more distant towards the normal life as he doesn't have one (e.g. may not have spent his free time with typical army spare time activities like his other mates did. Instead he used it to train/educate himself even more). He cannot enjoy simple daily life and has to learn how to integrate again after the accident as his soldier career has ended. The loss of his future expectation lets him have no perspective at first and he feels empty inside and utterly betrayed by Militech. The army was his life.

Thanks to Ryder he is able to join the merc team and finds a new purpose (help and mostly protection of the team). Through Ryder and the others he learns to integrate himself into 'the normal' life (as I don't see merc life on the same level as soldier life). Night City is at first ofc too much for him so he often goes back out into the badlands to find some 'peace', away from the noise, time to think and breathe, process it all, grapple with all the new impressions and emotions that hail down on him. He needs some time-out once in a while to process the 'daily life' he consumes now every day as well. That may explain why he’s still a bit more distant towards Ryder/the team for a certain while as he has to learn how to get around with each of them and especially the impulsive character Ryder has until he knows him better, as he got offered to live in Ry’s flat. 

Then he discovers he slowly develops feelings for Ryder he never had felt before ever. They are subtle at first but get stronger and he accepts them eventually and starts to allow himself to show them to him. He rediscovers what feelings truly are, what joy is and how you laugh with a bright earnest smile on your lips and what it is to be in love with someone.

Last time he may have felt real and pure joy was when he was a child. As a small boy, before Militech school started, he was always obsessed over flowers and loved to draw. Now that he's a merc with having more spare time he begins to pick this up again and that's why he goes (and even asks Ryder to come with him) to art galleries and starts thinking about making art as well or just buys a bouquet of flowers he looks at for hours. Goes back to listening to classical music too. I think this is sort of his 'own' therapy choice to get back into normal life. He definitely sees a MedTech for treatment as well who may have suggested to him to just do that once they found out what Thyjs 'does enjoy'.

This will probably be super hard to write and I'll never reach that goal in perfection either but I try at least to steer it this way, be it only details or Thyjs talking about it.

Thyjs also opens fully up only to Ryder. He may be friendly to everyone (as he's learned to keep a fake 'joy' smile) and also likes everyone in the team but he only talks about his true insecurities in every detail with Ry. The rest of the team only gets a superficial version of it. That is my plan.

I always picture him more like a peripheral figure when the team enjoys e.g. a billiard play in The Afterlife. He's the one who just sits in the corner and watches rather than plays billiards. He's trained to watch the area and surroundings nonstop, so it's hard for him to let go of that fully — at least for a while.

Idk if Ry and Thy will ever argue about something. It's likely to happen but I can't think of any situation yet. I really do see them as one heart and soul and that they complete each other. Thyjs, being totally reserved, learns Ryder to be calmer while Ryder, being totally impulsive and full with all of kinds of emotions, helps Thyjs to rediscover and let out his emotions as well on top shows him how to live more normal (as merc life also is not that normal).

In fact I think everyone of my boys (except Jay maybe - maybe not, maybe he's got it too) had their own ptsd moments they have to fight with more or less each day. I don't want to analyze it entirely but thinking about it is just very interesting. But as said I'm no expert in that but I doubt there will be someone pointing their finger at me telling me "this is false what you wrote" in the end, so I spent my time with thinking about it and write down and share some bits and pieces.

Kudos if you read all this <3

—

*I've watched a video about a German former KSK (Kommando Spezialkräfte) soldier not long ago who has ptsd that came along with psychic numbing and he told a bit about what he did and still does to integrate himself into normal daily living, surround himself with people, regain his emotions (like to laugh) and for him it is working with animals as he has now four dogs. Hard to explain. But I got inspired by that and now I'm trying to figure something out for Thyjs what might be good for him to get back into a 'normal' life as he's no soldier anymore.

#about: thyjs de wit #thoughts #soldier boy is always on my mind #he's got entriely different problems #long post #wip wednesday #wip #character lore #lore #character developement

[universe-on-her-shoulders]

Prompt: torchwood's money ran out cuz everyone keeps buying weird shit

“Owen,” Jack began, looking across the conference table at his colleague and adopting his sternest expression. At least he hoped it was stern; it was certainly cross, if nothing else. “Why does this month’s credit card statement say that someone spent…” he looked down at the document, which was highlighted in several different colours, and picked out a line of green-hued text. “Three hundred pounds in Howells?”

“Why are you asking me?” Owen demanded to know, leaning back in his chair and folding his arms across his chest defensively, his entire manner screaming ‘guilty’. “Why aren’t you asking Gwen or Tosh or-”

“I don’t shop in Howells,” Ianto pointed out pre-emptively, a smirk playing across his features, along with a vague look of indignation. “All of my suits are tailor-made.”

“That is officially the poshest and therefore most idiotic denial I have ever heard in my life,” Owen said flatly. “Bloody hell.”

“Not hearing any explanations here, Owen,” Jack told him. “Just a lot of denial.”

“Why are you assuming it’s me?!” Owen blustered. “Why aren’t you asking Gwen or Tosh?”

“I don’t think they let people like me into Howells,” Gwen pointed out, eyebrows raised. “I’m not exactly their target market, am I? Far too young and far too… I don’t know, lowbrow. Boring. Poor.”

“And I don’t have any desire to shop in department stores,” Tosh told him with her usual upfront honesty. “Therefore, process of deduction, unless the pterodactyl got hold of the credit card and decided to go shopping, which seems unlikely…”

“Note to self, check the structural integrity of the roof,” Ianto muttered under his breath.

“…then it must’ve been you,” Jack finished for her. “So, I’m going to ask you again. Three hundred quid. Howells. Explain. Now.”

“I had an encounter with a Weevil and it ruined my outfit,” Owen began reluctantly. “I was on foot, and it was a Saturday, and I couldn’t exactly walk around the city centre covered in blood, because it’d cause a panic. So I made up some stupid story about being a student and doing some filming for a media course and went to Howells. They seemed very impressed by the credit card, thank god.”

“Every part of that story was more improbable than the last,” Ianto noted, and Owen shot him a sour look. “Including the part where anyone would think you were a student.”

“At least I don’t dress like a middle-aged man,” Owen retorted. “Anyway, I got myself some new jeans and a new shirt, got changed in an alleyway around the back, chucked the ruin stuff in a bin, and carried on with my day.”

“Why couldn’t you have gone to BHS? Or Topman? Or GAP? Or indeed, anywhere slightly cheaper?” Jack asked, reasoning that it was a fair question, given Cardiff’s abundance of shopping opportunities, and Owen shrugged.

“Howells was nearest, and I figured that they’re probably used to people being kind of weird, because… you know. Rich people. They do weird dodgy shit all the time. So I thought, as long as I flashed the credit card and then bought something, they’d probably ignore any weirdness about me…”

“And that’s a lot,” Gwen chipped in, and he flipped her off.

“…and sell me the clothes, which they did. And then I went back and Retconned them and fixed the security footage the next day. You’re welcome, Ianto.”

Jack let out a long breath, trying to tell himself that Owen’s course of action had been sensible and practical, albeit rather expensive. “Are they good jeans? And is it a good shirt?”

“I dunno, you tell me,” Owen gesticulated to himself, and Jack’s eyebrows rose in horror as he realised what Owen was indicating.

“Those are the jeans?”

“What’s wrong with them?” Owen demanded to know, looked down at the dark denim. “I like them!”

“Christ, they saw you coming a mile off,” Gwen snickered. “Because those were not worth the money. Could’ve got some nice ones from… well, anywhere else. And Jack wouldn’t be nagging you about the credit card statement.”

“Oh, don’t think you’re off the hook,” Jack told her, and she frowned. “Forty-eight pounds in Bella Italia. Fancy explaining?”

#asks #anons #drabbles #torchwood #captain jack harkness #owen harper #ianto jones #gwen cooper #toshiko sato

[utterlyazriel]

I been reading wtssf and oooOOOOUGH girlie PLEASE, first of all it's amazing- love it adore it love the way you write Azriel he's so... 🥺

But also like it's got me so wrapped up in thinking of how he admires the reader and how "he" is showing such immense trust and bravery in letting Azriel into "his" home, and how Azriel has thought it multiple times already...

So imagine how much that feeling is going to amplify when he realizes that "he" is in fact a she, a female Illyrian in a notoriously cruel war camp full of the worst their kind has to offer, still letting him- an extremely powerful male Illyrian- into her home.

Man is gonna fucking KEEL OVER when he has to process the amount of trust and vulnerability going into this. UGH. UGH.

aNYWAYS this is all I just wanted to gush a lil thank you for the good soop

KEEL OVER FKDJFUDUDNDHDHD

live footage of ur bat boy constantly remembering how much you should’ve been (and probably were) afraid for your life in his presence but still chose to trust him every time, over and over again

🥹🥹🥹 THANK U SO MUCH FOR THIS ITS LIKE AN EARLY BIRTHDAY PRESENT !!!!!!!! i love this entire ask so much i wish i could eat it, or like put it in my pocket and carry it around it with :’’’)

i love u! this actually got me to start the next chappie!! a thousand kisses for u! mwah mwah mwah!!!!!

#THANK U 😭😭😭😭 #do u like my meme hehehehhe #sloane speaks #asks #anon

[miralines]

woe ouatis rpverse sptumblr: the sequel be upon ye

link to the original

172 notes

🥁insubordinationriskofficial follow 🔁 roseredasinfuckyou follow

🧱 roseredasinfuckyou follow

the insubordination risk show was fucking great btw

🥁 insubordinationriskofficial follow

Re: your tags– we’re in the process of launching a crowdfunding goal to get a real album out! We’re just figuring out the logistics, but believe us, we won’t shut up about it when it happens. In the meantime, if you want to support us Luna sells patches on their spetsy, including some band ones ＾▽＾

112 notes

🌱 gayforjohnspratt follow 🔁 antiroyalribbons follow

⚫ zanti-deactivated02334432

Althea Black is a naive fool. I don’t know why anyone agreed to publish that utter trash she calls a book. I’d feel sorry for her if she weren’t helping spread all this propaganda. 

My full review of her book will be up on my spyoutube channel at the end of the week. Hint: It’s bad.

🪐 rose-red-apologist follow

oh, fuck off, literally everyone is tired of your shit

🐱 catboykingcole follow

man really thought they could get on the rose red defenders website and say this lmao eat them alive

🌱 gayforjohnspratt

@spstaff wasn’t this guy banned? you wanna do something about that?

19 notes

🟥 realredhood follow 🔁 beaumontbogwitch follow

🧙‍♀️beaumontbogwitch follow

Help how do I convince my brother and brother in law not to name their kid fucking marion

🟥 realredhood follow

I mean I’d send you some receipts but I’m kind of on thin ice with FABLE so just tell them that I said Fucking Yikes

2,294 notes

🌱 gayforjohnspratt follow 🔁 roseredbignaturals follow

🌹 roseredbignaturals follow

FRECKLES LUCK SPOTTED ON SPTUMBLR ABORT MISSION

⚡ thundercatsbecameourskeletonhats follow

I’m sorry WHAT?

♋ aroarrowers follow

I still think it’s fake, but some random blog mentioned knowing her and got a bunch of questions about it and then made a post claiming to be from her saying to leave the blogger alone. Seems like they’re just looking for attention if you ask me.

🌹 roseredbignaturals follow

It’s real there’s a selfie and everything. Believe me if they got that from someplace else I’d have already seen it. Apparently this blog belongs to her adopted kid or something???

🦫 peripheralplatypus follow

LINK??

🌅 atypicalarielien follow

Stop spreading this y’all the blog has been getting death threats. Also stop calling details about her personal life fucking ""lore.""

🌹 roseredbignaturals follow

I’m deleting istg if she sees the shit I’ve posted about her

🌱 gayforjohnspratt follow

coward

118 notes

👩🏻‍🦰 frecklesluck follow 🔁 roseredbignaturals follow

🌹roseredbignaturals follow

so im watching through the event footage for the conference from that interview she gave with the whole like, moulding breaking reveal conference. you all know the one. and i found a shot where she and adam bete are sitting together beforehand between speeches in the backround from a news broadcast. and oh my god. her piercings. its such a crime they made her take them out before she went on the news like. fuck. she's so pretty. her hair was down and she was laughing as something bete said. im so in love this is a crime. she's so hot none of you understand. her eyebrow piercings and her ears and the tattoos on her arms (they always have her wear suit jackets its such a crime like) and. and. im so gay NONE of you understand!! aaaaaaa

👩🏻‍🦰 frecklesluck follow

You know, when i searched my name on this site I expected the usual 'why isn't she in jail' shit that sptwitter tells me. thanks i guess.

83 notes

🌹roseredbignaturals follow 🔁 gayforjohnspratt follow

🌱 gayforjohnspratt follow

so like @roseredbignaturals are you okay. how are you doing after that. your internet crush is married.

🌹roseredbignaturals follow

NO IM NOT OKAY IM NOT OKAY IM NOT OKAY AH

🌹roseredbignaturals follow

M NOTSHE SAW ME SIMPIG

🌹roseredbignaturals follow

FUCK

5 notes

🧱 roseredasinfuckyou follow

for the last time, dyeing your hair red is not fucking appropriating rose red culture norms shut up and stop making things up challenge

If I get ONE MORE goddamn ask about this

82 notes

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🌹roseredbignaturals follow

HER DAYS OF SWEEPING LESBIANS OFF THEIR FEET ARE OVER

🌹roseredbignaturals follow

WHY WAS I A TEENAGER ON ARIEL AND NOT IN THE PERIPHERY YEARS AGO IN A GAY BAR WHERE FRECKLES LUCK (FRECKLES LUCK!!!!!!) COULDVE SWEPT ME OFF MY FEET

🌹roseredbignaturals follow

THIS IS THE WORST TIMELINE

🌱gayforjohnspratt follow

you're really having a time of it

🌹roseredbignaturals follow AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

6 notes

♥️ redlikesmovies follow

I told you guys I know her!!

#one thousand and three #sptumblr au #i guess? feels like we need a tag for this at this point #everyone thank travis for roseredbignaturals' lesbian mental breakdown

[girlactionfigure]

WITH EYES FULL HORROR Thoughts on the Hamas massacre of Jews

I deliberated on whether to write this. It seems obvious to me that in times of war we should abstain from things that can demoralise and immobilise. But on reflection I don’t think it does that. As our greatest warrior was also our greatest poet, King David, I think we are a people uniquely constituted to be tough and soulful at the same time. We’ve seen a lot of horrific footage from the massacre perpetuated by Hamas. It is not weakness to have tears - it is holy. God forbid we should become unfeeling, numb bastards that engage in the kind of butchery these Islamic fundamentalists celebrate. They will think it’s a victory that they have caused us pain. They will whoop and halloo and bear their teeth in wicked, wolfish grins to see us suffer and think we are weak. Oh, how pitiful is their blindness to the depths of experience life has to offer. They will never understand we are the people who turn every curse into a blessing and that there is no horror we can’t walk through in utter confidence a better time will come.

So I am going to write this. 

At the same time, if we each process an ounce of trauma here and there, we’ll be able to get on with the task in hand - defeating our enemies - whilst keeping our heads in a relatively good enough shape to get the job done.

So I tried to avoid seeing grisly footage from the massacre. I wouldn’t open any videos. I’d squint my eyes and scroll past photos. I thought to myself that I know something horrific has happened - seeing specific imagery is not going to enhance my intellectual or emotional insight. I’d obviously get glimpses of nightmarish forms. Barbecued people. Deformed anatomy of twisted girls. But I wouldn’t focus. They were blurred glimpses of horror I kept in a fog so that I could try to shield myself from trauma. But of course it seeps in. And you inevitably see more than you intended. And you inevitably watch more than you should. In the end I saw the dead bodies. And I saw some of the horrors real people endured.

My grandma died earlier this week and her funeral is tomorrow. I haven’t really been able to connect with my sadness over that because of everything that has happened - the crisis that has demanded action and the saturation of hellish crimes that have accompanied it. I’m just low level pissed off and can’t be bothered with anyone. I just took a shower and started crying as images I’ve seen this week emerged in the mist of my mind. But it wasn’t the imagery of dead bodies. It wasn’t the imagery of corpses. It was the imagery that has really haunted me. More than dead bodies, what has really haunted me were the images of living people experiencing fear. People whose souls were still in their body and who wanted to live. It was their faces. And above all their eyes. There’s one video of teenagers at a music concert huddled in a bunker with shot children groaning on the floor. A young man films with his phone. Why? Instinct? Believing he was going to die and that people must know? To try and make a nightmare less real by watching it through a screen? And then we see his face. I’ve never seen such eyes. I have never seen such eyes. No creature should know such fear. Another video sees a hostage tied up on the floor gazing at his tormentors. And his eyes. The widest eyes that could swallow the stars.

These are eyes I never want to see again. I never want to see those eyes. But they’re inside my head looking at me tonight. I don’t know how to pray, to wish, to magic away their fear. I can’t abide their fear. I can’t abide their fear. For the love of God, fill those eyes with everything they’ve ever dreamed of and everything their family have ever dreamed of for them and turn that fear into a speck so small it is blown away on the wind beyond the ocean and never found again.

I can’t imagine what those eyes were seeing. But in those eyes I could see the swirling fear of every sin that has been committed since Cain killed Abel. These were eyes gazing at every horror that’s taken place under the sun.

My eyes are dripping as I write this. No amount of tears will cleanse away what we have seen. 

Oh God, what they did to them. What they did to them. 

There has never been a more necessary mission for the Jewish people than to destroy Hamas - and anyone who seeks to hurt us - so that no eyes will ever hold such fear again.

LEE KERN

#Israel #Hamas Terror #Lee Kern

[kuwdoravids]

Year in Vidding Review: 2023

Year-end round-up/meme: 2007 | 2008 | 2009 | 2010 | 2011 | 2012 | 2013 | 2014 | 2015 | 2016 | 2017 | 2018 | 2019 | 2020 | 2021 | 2022

April What (Yennefer of Vengerberg) The Witcher Netflix Making of "What" commentary: do it for the process (and for Yennefer!) The Witcher Netflix Mr. Brightside (Jaskier/Geralt/Yennefer) The Witcher Netflix

June Skipping Stones (Fringilla Vigo) The Witcher Netflix

August In Our Wake (Vilgefortz/Geralt) The Witcher Netflix

December [Festivid Assignment] - redacted until reveals! [Festivid Treat] - redacted until reveals!

Review questions under the cut.

Random process notes:

Well, I have been kidding for *counts* 16 years now?? I guess I kind of know what I’m doing when I have a good idea of what a vid is like inside my head. Which is why most of these vids took less than a week to make and none of them were on my actual to-make list that I had written down at the beginning of the year. Flighty ADHD/anxiety brain just latching onto the feelings of the moment and zooming across the timeline until I can call it done. I think I started two non-witcher vids during the year before Festivids but the witcher hyperfixation remains too strong. Everything else falling to the WIP piles. I tried to finish my Moonhaven vid but couldn’t focus. Tried to finish my Green Knight and Blade vids but no, my brain was more interested in writing +70k of fic this year, aha.

Overall thoughts:

HEY I made Festivid stuff! I can vid-non Witcher things! I was really worried there that my brain was just forever stuck on Witcher but! I did it.

Anyway. I really love vidding The Witcher Netflix and keep building up my clip gallery for easy reference for when I can settle in for the next witcher vid. I keep fuck up my exports though because I’m doing everything too quickly and not paying enough attention. So there’s some export-related things and a few minor clips I would have changed if I weren’t caught up in a in a rush. But overall I’m very, very happy with my crop of vids this year.

Favorite Vid:

Most of the time I have upwards of 8-16 vids a year and it’s easier to pick a favorite. When I do so few… they’re all my favorite. For different reasons.

For my Yennefer vid it’s my favorite editing.

For Mr. Brightside it’s my favorite song choice and tone (this is a cover in the style of The B-52s) for Jaskier.

My Fringilla vid — it’s my favorite thing that came together from all of the season footage of her character from seasons 1 and 2 and the song just makes me so happy that it tied everything together for her.

For the Vilgefortz/Geralt vid, oh it’s my favorite because it’s my pure id, heh, and my favorite build/pacing of all my vids.

My festivids are my favorite because I have been wanting to make things them for awhile now but hadn’t had the focus. And then I did!

Hardest to make:

The only thing that was hard was me exporting shitty stuff and not realizing it until days or weeks after I uploaded and crossposted. Anyway. I took my time with my festivid exports so those should look pretty good. Most successful:

They are all successful in my heart. I love them.

My best vid:

Probably my Fringilla or Vilgefortz/Geralt vid. I’m so happy how they turned out.

Most fun vid:

Mr. Brightside. I love playing with Jaskier’s humor with the song choice and the transitions.

Things I learned in 2023:

Mmm, I am still worked up about my fic WIPs and life anxieties that I wasn’t able to do more vidding things that I wanted. As for the projects themselves, I learned that it’s very handy to have a standing clip gallery all labelled and ready for when I want to make my next Witcher Netflix vid.

In 2024:

I always want to be ambitious in the new year but always end up wandering in completely unexpected directions. In any case I would love to finish my Moonhaven vid and get my brain in order to find the last of the Black Sails source I need for a vid idea that has been eating my brain for 4 months now. I also have my Philippa Eilhart Witcher vid I want to make as well as a season 3 Witcher Netflix vid too that’s taking up space in my brain.

#year end fanvid review #fanvids #fanvid #fanvideo #fan fanvid #vidding #vids #vid meme #vidder introspection #fringilla vigo #yennefer #the witcher netflix #geraskefer #jaskier

[phantomss-pain]

Small Michael and Puppet fic I made

There was a sense of uneasiness as Michael drove to Freddy’s for the night. It hadn't even been a week but Michael was already used to the dangers of the place but he knew he had to go there. Especially after what happened last night.

Several hours after his shift Michael still couldn't believe that he was somehow able to get out of the place alive but before he left the building for the day he looked over camera footage only to see the one that was responsible for keeping him alive. It was the oldest robot that Freddy’s had yet it seemed to be the one that had the least amount of problems compared to the other ones.

That robot being The Marionette.

Michael could vivdly remember when he was little, before the amount of death that the chain of restaurants his father had created, the creation of the robot. He would often run into his father's workshop where his father and his partner Henry Emily would be working to see how the process was coming along.

Of course this was back when Michael was amazed by his father which seemed funny thinking about it now but that wasn't the point. No the point being was that the only good robot was one of the first creations this chain had made. It took Henry and his father months to perfect the thing. It was their most complex design compared to something like Fredbear yet it was the one that had managed to stand the test of time.

For twenty years The Marionette in service and it didn't seem like that was going to change.

As Michael was getting closer and closer towards Freddy's he could feel his heart begin to pump faster and faster. He knew that he would be expected to work the night shift but that was okay. He just needed to know what was up with the place and the first thing to solve that mystery was The Marionette.

Michael carried on driving with memories he had of The Marionette carrying on flooding his mind. Most of them involved an old friend. Someone that Michael would have loved to spend the rest of his life with.

That person being Charlotte (or as everyone called her Charlie) Emily. Charlie was Michael's closest friend when he was younger but like everything in his life that happiness of being with Charlie was snatched away from him when he was 12. Thinking about her was always painful. As he would remember the final words he said to her before her life would be cut short.

'Stop thinking about her Michael.' He thought to himself trying his hardest to block out when he found her dead body. 'She's dead and you're with Marla now. So stop thinking about her.'

Thankfully he stopped thinking about his past friend as he arrived at the pizzeria. Stepping out of the car Michael took a deep breath before stepping inside the place. As he opened the entrance door he could hear someone talking.

"Unfortunately I guess we are out of time my dear friend." A masculine voice said. "But I think we would have lots to talk about tomorrow."

Michael heard the man's footsteps get closer and closer only for the man to be revealed.

"Oh Michael it's you." The man said his face beaming with joy.

The man was the manager of the location William Afton or to Michael his father.

"Is that much of a surprise?" Michael replied his tone was bitter contrasting his father's joyful nature.

"I think it is." William answered back. "I didn't think you would be the person who would like to do overtime that's all."

Michael scoffed. "Anyway you can leave now since I'm here."

"I know that." William said. "Anyway I hope you come what you are looking for."

Before Michael could register William's words he had left the building leaving Michael alone.

"Fucking freak." Michael muttered to himself before he went into the main dining room and towards the music box where The Marionette was placed.

Unclipping the locks to the box the robot sprung out as if it was waiting to be freed. Michael couldn't help but chuckle at the robot's movements but that quickly changed. Grabbing a chair Michael sat down and took another deep breath before asking his first question.

"Why did you help me?"

Silence.

"I know you can talk." Michael said. "I heard you talking last night to Freddy hell you talked to me back in the last location so answer my question."

Michael saw a slight reaction from the puppet but it still didn't reply.

"Look I know something is up around here and I'm trying to stop it before this place shuts down for good." Michael continued. "So just please answer my question."

There was another long pause before finally The Marionette spoke up.

"I was programmed to protect." The robotic voice coldly replied. "And I knew that I had to protect you."

Michael felt himself tense up. "You were programmed to protect kids not adults or security guards."

"I was programmed to help you Michael in any cases." The robot replied again. "Something I haven't been able to do in the past."

Questions immediately began flooding Michael’s mind.

"Do you mean the missing children’s incident?" Michael quickly asked.

The Marionette went silent.

"Oh don't go silent now answer me." Michael angrily shouted. "Tell me what you mean by this."

The Marionette looked right into Michael's eyes.

"Everything." It croaked out. "I couldn't stop the bite, I couldn't stop both missing kids, I couldn't protect the night guards, I couldn't even protect your brother."

Michael felt his stomach turn into knots at the mention of his brother.

"Why does that matter?" Michael asked again. "Why do you protect me when all the others try to kill me?"

"The others are like animals." The Marionette said its robotic filter going haywire as it carried on. "But I'm very aware."

"Aware how?"

"You might want to get to the office now." The Marionette said. "The others will be even more angry tonight."

The two sat in a painful awakard silence before Michael sighed and got up from his chair and began walking towards the office. Once he was there Michael couldn't help but allow even more questions flow into his head. Though as he was busy stuck in his own head he didn't pay attention to the lonely weeps coming from The Marionette.

#fnaf #charlie emily #michael afton #hints of Michael x Charlie #the puppet #fnaf the puppet

[brighterdaysarebeforeus]

Let’s try this another way — we’re moving away from Miles and Hobie for just one second! (>.<) a whole new direction, just for a moment!

@hobiesgender @royallydivinelesbian

Masterlist

Pavitr entered the castle to find it in a state of chaos.

He’d managed to sneak away from his own home for the day and head over to the castle, mostly in the hopes of being able to see Miles before the prince was taken back into the whirlwind social life he had all of a sudden; Pavitr wasn’t necessarily jealous of the amount of time Miles had been spending with everyone else lately, all the people who were over at the castle to vie for his hand, but he still missed his friend. A lot.

And he was planning on making up for that by hanging with Miles before he had to leave for breakfast with everyone. Pavitr knew he’d see him in the meeting later on today, but it felt like the meeting was the only time he got to really see him, and they didn’t even get to talk to each other there! It didn’t count!

So, yes, he came into the castle early, only to find that everyone was already up and running around. He had to duck out of the way of several guards, Miguel and Jess barking orders loud enough that they could be heard down the hallways. Miles’s parents were sitting in the sitting room as he passed it, Jeff looking more than slightly stressed and Río with her head in her hands. Pavitr paused on his way to Miles’s room, staring at them outright even though he knew it was rude, and debating on whether or not he should go in to announce himself.

The decision was made for him.

“Pavitr!” Jeff said loudly, and Río lifted her head quickly; she turned it to see him so fast that he imagined he could hear the snap her neck could’ve made, and winced in sympathy for it. He blinked at them for a second with wide eyes, then decided to go with fate and bowed to the both of them.

“My king!” He started, lifting from the bow easily. “My queen. Good morning.”

“Have you seen Miles?” Río asked, disregarding Pavitr’s uncertain greeting. Pavitr paused for another second, frowning as the words processed in his mind but still didn’t seem to make any sort of sense. He looked them over again, noting how they’d not even been given a chance to dress fully, and the stress that lined their faces. Pavitr almost didn’t want to answer them, knowing his response wasn’t going to help anything at all, but —

“I have not, no.” He said gently, clasping his hands together in front of him. “Last time I saw him was several days ago, he was with Billy and Tommy, I think? Out in the courtyard.”

“Miguel has footage of Miles exiting the palace late last night, going into the courtyard.” Jeff said, as Río put her face in her hands once again. She was muttering under her breath in what sounded like Spanish, and Pavitr found that he wasn’t envying Miles the repercussions of whatever was happening right now. “But not of him coming back. The guards at night didn’t hear anything. We don’t know what happened to him.”

“He couldn’t leave, though, right?” Pavitr said slowly, rubbing at the bottom of his mouth while he thought out loud. “Not on his own, at least — the castle walls are surely too high for that.”

“And why would he even want to leave?” Río asked loudly, pulling her face away from her hands. It was dry, though her eyes were rimmed with red, and she gestured almost violently. “He’s never been outside the castle walls before, never even mentioned wanting to see the city — where would he even go?”

“And everyone is accounted for here?” Pavitr asked, stepping quickly into the room when Jeff gestured for him to come in.

“Everyone else was in their rooms.” He confirmed, “and nobody left them at all during the night. The only footage is of Miles, sneaking around the hallways at night and going out into the courtyard.”

“What about the cameras there?” Pavitr asked, “I know there’s some around the walls, by the entrance…they didn’t catch anyone coming in or out? Or Miles?”

“Cameras are down for maintenance right now.” Río said pointedly, which made Jeff sigh heavily and rub his temples. “Which means that almost the entire area is a blind spot right now. Cameras just outside the door work, which is how we know he went out and never came back in, but we can’t see anything other than that.”

“I didn’t expect to have to account for a runaway son.” He said tiredly, “he’s never done anything like this before. He’s never said anything about this to you, Pavitr?”

“I haven’t had the time to talk with Miles lately.” He admitted, “but if I know one thing, it’s that Miles wouldn’t just up and leave without saying anything. He’s never mentioned going to the city before all this happen, not to me.”

“Which means our only option is that he was taken.” Jeff said firmly. “We’ll send everyone home, after” he raised his voice when Río protested, “after we search thoroughly. The people they’ve brought, anything large enough to potentially hold a person, their rooms. Thorough sweep of everything, and then they get escorted out to the gates and sent home.” He sat back in his chair, looking tired already if the amount of work ahead of them. “After that, no one in or out until we find Miles and get him home safe.”

“But…” Pavitr frowned at that, thinking of the kingdom and how isolating it would affect the people. He wanted Miles back home safe and sound, of course he did, but — “forgive me, your highness, but the people — ”

“I understand your concern.” Jeff said, “but we should be able to find him quickly without disrupting daily life of the kingdom too much.” Pavitr opened his mouth to argue, but the king looked like his mind was made up. He stood, brushing off the bottom of his shirt as he did so and bowed before the two of them again.

“As my king commands.” Pavitr said before swiftly turning on his heel and heading out of the room. Miguel and Jess were still barking orders, and now everyone was coming out of their rooms; they looked sleepy and confused, though some of those confused looks were giving way to anger with the way guards stopped at their doors as they opened.

He just hoped they found Miles soon, before causing an incident with the neighboring kingdoms. And before there’s any kind of unrest in their own kingdom.

#pavitr prabhakar #rio morales #jeff davis #jeff morales #a whole new world au #we’re going in a whole new direction today! #part 9