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#left with no time or energy to actually enjoy being alive or do the things i love

antimatterz · 9 months

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solace

dan heng x gn!reader

summary: life has gotten you down, but he won't let you give up. he's there to hold you together, and he won't let go.

cw: suicidal thoughts – do not read if this triggers you. hurt/comfort, dan heng being the sweetest.

enyo's note: don't mind me this is very self-indulgent. i'm not in a good place at the moment and i would love a dan heng to help me through it. not proofread & might take it down, actually.

content under the cut | masterlist

the world had gotten you down.

ultimately, fighting your mental battles got the best of you. for aeons, you had been fighting the demons in your mind. day after day, you struggled to fend off the darkness, but the shadows that shrouded your inner flame had won. you had been tearing at the seams for months, but you finally broke.

your thoughts were dark, consuming you whole. you were suffering, all on your own. why did life bring nothing but turmoil? you wanted peace, you wanted to enjoy being alive, you wanted to serve a genuine smile to the people around you. but your demeanor was fake, nothing but an act you carefully put on to fool the others. again, you carried your burdens on your own, and you succumbed underneath the heavy weight of it all.

you no longer experienced happiness, all you felt was gloom and misery. you were hopeless, frustrated, frantically holding on to the final strands of light that were rapidly vanishing. honestly, why were you even still alive?

maybe giving up wasn't that bad.

those thoughts pestered you as you spent your time alone in your room. you had reached your breaking point and distanced yourself from your friends. you didn't have the energy left to put on an act, you couldn't muster a fake smile anymore. it was game over for you. life had won.

you had no more tears left to cry as you lay in bed, curled up into a little ball. you've spent the last few hours like that, staring ahead as you let the darkness consume you.

you hadn't eaten today, and your stomach felt empty. but what did it matter? you felt empty in general, you had gotten used to it and it didn't bother you anymore. you deftly ignored it, not even motivated to take care of yourself properly. what did it matter, anyway? you didn't care.

there was a knock on your door, one that you didn't respond to. you didn't want to see anyone, let alone have to explain your miserable state. you chose to suffer alone, after all, not wanting to worry the others. your burdens were yours to carry, you didn't want to bother them with it.

again, the idea of giving up crossed your mind – like it did every other minute. all your struggles, all your burdens, everything would be gone and you would finally have peace. you didn't have any hope left for things getting better. what was the point of trying? maybe life wasn't meant for you. clearly, your mind wasn't wired for this world.

whoever it was at your door knocked again, but you remained silent. you were so far gone, wallowing in the darkness. however, the person didn't give up, and the door carefully slid open.

"y/n?" a familiar voice called out.

you said nothing, not turning around even when dan heng shut the door behind him. footsteps inched closer, increasing speed as he neared your bed.

the mattress dipped under his weight as he sat down.

"march was worried about you because she hasn't seen you in two days," the male explained, hesitating for a moment. "and honestly, so am i. this is very unlike you. are you okay?"

hearing his voice was nice, you had to admit that. it was true; you hadn't spoken to anyone for the past two days, which was sure to raise concern. although you still weren't sure if you were in the mood to face anyone, you still sat up, aversively facing dan heng. you considered lying, simply playing it off as the flu that got you down. but one look into his solemn grey eyes swayed you from your original plan.

"no," you replied, voice breaking. "no, i'm not okay."

dan heng's usually stoic face fell, genuine concern falling upon his features. you must've looked terrible – tired, dead on the inside, dull eyes. your will to live was close to zero at the moment, and it was probably very obvious from the way you looked at him.

he searched your eyes, as if they would tell him what was wrong. for some reason, the way he gazed at you had you feeling vulnerable, tears welling up in your eyes. you felt your will to remain strong in front of others faltering, and it wasn't long before the first sob racked your body.

"hey," dan heng said, surprise lingering his tone. he was quick to reach out and grab your hand, completely dropping his usually cold and distant demeanor. "y/n, what's wrong?"

"everything," you admitted shakily. "dan heng, why is life so hard? why is it trying so hard to bring me down? it's not fair, i try so hard but it just doesn't get better." you were silent for a moment, wondering if you were really going to admit your darkest thoughts to him. you pursed your lips. what did it matter? what was stopping you? maybe it was nice to confide in someone. especially dan heng, the one you considered your closest friend. you continued, "the idea of giving up becomes stronger with every moment that passes. i don't want to live like this anymore."

the raven-haired male seemed genuinely shocked by your confession. his eyes widened, but he quickly recollected himself and shot forward like a bullet fired from a gun. you stumbled back in surprise, but he caught you before you could fall. ever so gently, he cupped your cheeks, using his thumbs to wipe away the tears that spilled.

"y/n, i had no idea you were going through this," dan heng mumbled. "why did you pretend to be happy all the time? why didn't you tell anyone about your suffering?"

"i don't know," you said, lightly shaking your head. "i guess i just didn't want to worry anyone. what goes on in my head isn't pretty. i just kept telling myself it would be better to disappear and–"

"stop right there," the male hushed you, removing one hand from your cheek to press his index finger against your lips. "you're very important to me, angel. i don't want you to suffer alone and even more, i do not want you to go."

there was nothing left of his usual placid demeanor, and the look in his eyes was soft as he gazed at you. it almost made you tear up again, this time for entirely different reasons. this side of dan heng was completely new to you, and it lit a small spark within you. you leaned into his touch carefully, closing your eyes in a small moment of peace. the storm in your mind ceased for a blissful second, and you relished in the feeling dan heng brought you.

"listen, y/n. please don't do this to yourself. please, just reach out to me if your thoughts threaten to get the best of you. you don't have to carry everything on your own. you have march, you have me. and there's welt and himeko. we're a family, we are here for you and wouldn't be complete without you."

dan heng looked at you intently, and you nodded. he was right, you had lost sight of your reasons to live, but he reminded you. you had your astral express family, you had dan heng – who just came to save you from your darkest moment.

letting out a small sigh, he wrapped your arms around you and gently pulled you down with him. you lay like that, safely in his embrace. you felt your inner flame light up a little, and faint strands of hope intertwined with the darkness that occupied your mind, shining a new light. dan heng probably had no idea what he just did. suddenly the idea of ending it all lost its appeal, as if dan heng's embrace mended the pieces of you that had been shattered. he held you together, he saved you from falling apart. you gathered your thoughts, gathered your will, bringing new life to what seemed hopeless at first.

"thank you," you muttered, your voice muffled by the fabric of his shirt.

in response, dan heng gently kissed the top of your head. the loving gesture brought a faint smile to your face – tiny, barely there, but genuine. he was right, you weren't alone.

dan heng was your solace.

#honkai star rail #hsr #honkai #dan heng #— enyo writes #dan heng x reader #honkai: star rail #hsr dan heng #dan heng hsr #honkai dan heng #dan heng imagine #dan heng imagines #dan heng x you #dan heng x y/n

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imfinereallyy · 1 year

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Eddie grew up as a creature of the night. It was to no one’s surprise really. The day was exhausting but the night was always full of this chaotic energy that he loved. The night was mysterious and other, the wonders of it still unexplored.

Eddie felt one with the night. He made friends with the moon and the stars. And although there were times that would pass where he could not see them, where there was nothing but the inky abyss, he knew they were still there. Hidden but never gone.

It started when he was young, his love of night. Eddie thought it had probably started when he was just a boy. Dumped his Uncle Wayne’s doorstep. He had been terrified, whisked away by a father on the run just as dusk brushed against the horizon. They had made it to Wayne’s trailer precisely as the evening settled into its peak. Eddie’s father hadn’t even bothered knocking. Just left Eddie on the porch with one backpack and a buzzed head. And Eddie waited there for a moment, looked up at the sky and thought it wasn’t that lonely with stars out.

His wondering mind was interrupted by Wayne pulling the door open and yanking Eddie inside no questions asked. The night was when Wayne had given Eddie a home.

As the years past, his fascination with night only grew stronger. It helped bring people closer to him. Eddie interpreted the night into campaigns, songs and even advice for the kids (lots of night metaphors for failed dating lives). He got most of his work done at this time. His mind coming alive and bursting with ideas. Wayne’s schedule was at night too. So when he worked, Eddie shared odd meals with his old man. And when Wayne was off, his brain like Eddie’s ran with the schedule of the moon.

The night also helped Eddie learn to be okay with being alone. Late night drives. Walks in the woods. Stargazing from a picnic bench. All things he had learned to enjoy his own company while doing.

It wasn’t that he didn’t like they day per say, or the sun. It’s just that Eddie had found the day boring. There was no wonder, no lust, no mystery. There was no appeal. The world was too bright, too open. There was no exploring and there was no comfort. Just exposure.

Then Eddie met Steve Harrington officially. Well, officially for the first time after everything. After the High School bullshit. After the wild adventures of the (please god never again) Upside down. When Eddie met Steve officially, in his hospital room, he is baffled to find him awake at 6 am, with a smile on his face.

And all Steve said was, “Glad you made it to actually see another sunrise.”

Like it was nothing. Like at of all the things that had blown Eddie’s mind the past week, or even more specifically out of all the things Eddie had learned about Steve Harrington, the thing that absolutely floored Eddie was the fact the Steve Harrington was a morning person.

It shouldn’t had bothered him so much. It wasn’t like he had been planning on become friends with the guy. But then he did, and Eddie couldn’t help but spiral.

Because no one should like the day as much as Steve did. Sure, Eddie was most definitely being a hypocrite. Like he had proclaimed himself as the goblin king of night once (although very drunk on Nancy’s whiskey), and Eddie prided himself on being a freak and accepting of everyone. So it was probably unfair of him to judge but this was excessive.

The day was everywhere when it came to Steve. He woke up early. He laid out in the backyard against the pavement. Steve would ask Eddie to go chase dawn with him on an early morning drive. It was in Steve’s wardrobe for Christ sake. That yellow sweater haunted his dreams, and Steve looked so good in it, and Eddie can’t help but stare—

The day was everywhere when it came to Steve Harrington.

And Eddie was damn fool who fell in love with him.

Eddie had fallen for the unattainable. The straight boy. His best friend. The guy who picked him up from a bad date in Indie no questions asked. The guy who shared a bed with him after plenty of nightmares. The guy who listened. The guy who cared.

The King and the Freak. The day to his night. The absolutely, infuriatingly opposite of what Eddie is allowed to like, allowed to have.

It had gotten so bad, that Eddie, when he couldn’t sleep and Steve wasn’t around, found himself whispering to the night about him. Told it how although Steve and the night didn’t meet very often, Eddie was certain it would love him anyway.

Eddie knew Steve was just as baffled by Eddie’s love of the darkness.He had asked once how he could stand it.

“Don’t the nightmares make you hate it? The lack of sleep alone makes me hate it, and that’s not even when I remember what the upside down looked like. No light, only hazy red darkness? Not for me man. Never again.” Steve had said while they passed a joint.

“I don’t know man, it’s not the nights fault really. Like it doesn’t matter the time of day, I still get nightmares. It’s not the night’s fault the Upside Down exists, and what it looks like. I guess I feel a solidarity with the night now. Even more than I did before. Something being blamed for simply being there. A scapegoat.” Eddie leaned into Steve’s side as he sunk further into the couch. He kinda feared he had said the word night too much in his speech.

Steve stared at Eddie for a moment, something of understanding passed on his face. “Actually, that kind of makes sense. I kinda expected you to talk in weird metaphors to explain it—“

“I still got stars wars analogy up my sleeve.”

Steve pushed on and ignored Eddie, “—but I get it. Like the night, you’re a reminder to people of the bad things that happen even if you’re just there, just existing…It’s complicated, and beautiful and very weird. Just like you”

Eddie didn’t hold back the smile when he said “Steve Harrington, are you calling me beautiful?”

“Yes I am.”

They stared at each other for awhile, no words spoken. It should had unsettled Eddie, or even spark useless hope in him. It didn’t though.

It just made him feel content. Good. Home.

He never felt the need to explain the night to Steve again.

Weeks later, Eddie learned why the day was good too. It was another night spent in Steve’s bed when the nightmares built up for days, with no end in sight. For once Eddie had woken up first. Steve’s head on Eddie’s bare chest. Eddie’s fingers combed through his soft hair, and he hummed softly to nothing but the dawn. The sunrise had started to slowly peak into Steve’s room. Because of course, even the day started towards Steve.

Steve’s eyes had fluttered open unhurriedly. Then he tilted his head up towards Eddie and did something that changed him forever.

Eddie expected him to freak out. For Steve to push him away in horror. To scream, and hit Eddie even. They had shared a bed before but it had never been that intimate. And Eddie knew his face wasn’t hiding any of his feelings either. Eddie, like the night, was only a mystery to those who didn’t know what to look for. And Steve always knew what to look for.

Steve did none of that though. Instead, Steve reached up slowly, brushed his lips across Eddie’s cheek and said, “Good morning, darling.”

Eddie felt his whole body stop and revive back to life in that instant. He died and became a new person. And then Steve, Steve took it even further when he laid back down on Eddie’s chest, without breaking eye contact, and beamed up at him.

Eddie now understands why Steve loved the day. It was because Steve loved the sun. And when Steve smiles at him, Eddie can’t help but think that Steve was the sun. And how Eddie loved the sun too.

Eddie couldn’t be stopped from kissing him in that movement.

Eddie kissed Steve like the morning. Slow, warm, and just as meaningful. There was no rush. It was waking up in comfort. Eddie had always imagined that if he ever got to kiss Steve it would be as chaotic and harsh as the night.

Eddie couldn’t find it in himself to want it in any other way in that moment. It made Eddie ache. It was sincere. It was sweet. It was devout.

Eddie leaned back to take a breath as he said, “Good morning, sunshine.”

———

this is my first stab at writing something eddie centric, so sorry if it’s rough, but it did come straight from the heart. I had fun writing it (as usual at 2 am, which is really in line with this narrative i now realize). It was fun to kinda project my own feelings do the day v night debate. I’m a night owl, and I love all things that come with it. But there is something so comforting about daylight and the warmth of the sun. <3

send me something to write next. :)

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son1c · 1 month

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y'all don't even know about what happens after fibula encounters femur that first time... because, like, sure, he runs away from her. he flees the graveyard and disappears into the woods because he can't bear to face her.

but he doesn't go back to eggman. he can't. he's panicking too much to think straight. stumbling through the trees, overwhelmed by a cavalcade of emotions brought forth by seeing his sister again. he thought she was dead, but she's not. he thought, if she was alive, that she wouldn't care about him anymore. but she does. clearly--since she was visiting his grave, and leaving him gifts.

fibula is CRASHING through the woods, making so much noise and not caring at all about how many plants he's trampling underfoot. the flickies are pissed. he doesn't care. he doesn't even see them.

all he can see is his sister's face--older. her eyes, confused. because she doesn't recognize him.

and it hits him all at once the situation that he's in. undead. stitched together with chaos energy and mechanical legs. a monster. he never cared before. in fact, he actually thought it was pretty cool to be a monster. but his own sister's failure to recognize him causes his still heart to twist painfully.

is this really right? everything he's done since being revived, all the torment he's caused and ENJOYED causing... he's rethinking it now that he's seen femur again. because even though being a menace has made him happy, what would his sister think? would she be disappointed? or, worse...

would she be afraid of him?

the thought of it causes him choke and stumble, and by this point he's made enough of a ruckus to attract the attention of a certain blue hero... who of course, starts on a quip about how he wasn't planning on kicking any zombie butt today, but...

and then sonic sees The Absolute State(TM) that fibula is in, and whatever he was going to say dies in his throat. cuz he's seen a lot of stuff, but one of his enemies crying their eyes out? gotta say, this would be the first time. meanwhile, fibula is NOT EXCITED about running into sonic, because spilling so many tears--which are actually just liquefied chaos energy, aka the stuff KEEPING HIM ALIVE--has left him exhausted, and he doesn't think he has any energy left to fight.

and he's right! because he collapses shortly after sonic steps closer, his ears perking up curiously after fibula chokes out something about his sister... and when he wakes up some time later, he finds himself strapped to another metal table (different from the one eggman revived him on).

as it turns out, fibula's little "face down in the dirt" stunt from earlier made sonic think he was dead. like DEAD dead, for real this time. so, our favorite blue hero dragged fibula back to tails' lab to see if he could fix it. (tails, of course, was baffled by the situation, but a chance to examine eggman's handiwork up close could be useful regardless of the fact fibula is less tech and more flesh than most things the doctor works on.)

immediately, fibula tries to break free, but tails has that shit locked down, so the restraints don't budge. then, fibula remembers seeing femur earlier, and resigns himself to laying on the table. it's not that he's given up, it's just... this might be the worst day of his life (and the competition is pretty steep, so that's really saying something).

meanwhile, tails isn't sure what to do. by this point, he's noticed that fibula is awake, but sonic isn't around--he ran off once it was clear that tails had the situation under control--so he doesn't have his big brother to guide him. and he doesn't even really know fibula. since this is the first time they're directly interacting (before this, all tails would've heard was wild tales from sonic, amounting to nothing more than spotty secondhand knowledge).

and the thing is, fibula has no idea who tails is either. all he can see is that he's a kid. and fibula has a very strict rule against hurting kids (because they remind him of his sister. who is apparently still alive. and doesn't recognize him. oh, man--)

fibula forces himself to say something. "you don't look like you work for eggman," probably. with his typical snark, but it lacks its usual bite.

tails would scoff. an astute observation from the guy who was clinically dead a few minutes ago, he thinks. then, he tells fibula that he doesn't work for eggman, because he's on the opposite team.

that makes fibula grimace. great. so, he's strapped to an ENEMY'S table. and then he remembers running into sonic after having his little freakout in the graveyard, and everything starts to make a little more sense.

and of course THAT is when sonic saunters back in, probably with a snack in hand like, "how's it goin' in here, tails?" all casual-like. but he Knows. and fibula knows that he knows. and fibula is DETERMINED to act like nothing happened and sonic didn't see ANYTHING and nothing is wrong. so he instantly snaps back, because now he can focus on being a jerk again instead of whatever awful feelings have been brewing in his gut since last night...

and tails watches. he watches as fibula and sonic bicker and comments on fibula's strange state of not-life, not-death but fibula ignores him on purpose... until tails gets fed up and states bluntly that maybe he shouldn't've revived him, even though sonic asked, cuz he's so mean.

and there's half a second where fibula has nothing to say. SONIC helped him? even though they're enemies? but then fibula sneers at sonic and says "your mistake."

and sonic has that fucking look in his eye... you know... the one where he thinks he knows everything. the "we'll see about that"-type look. and fibula hates it so much because it just adds to his Inner Turmoil(TM). like, he's evil now! he's evil! and bad! and a no-good, rotten hedgehog!

and he's also strapped to a table. and owes his not-life to a tiny little fox, apparently.

and for the first time since sonic showed up, fibula looks at tails. he looks him right in the face with his unsettling orange eyes that shouldn't be. and he says, "your big bro thinks he's got it all figured out. but you're the smart one, i can tell. so i'll take your word over his."

and tails kinda like... falters. cuz he wasn't expecting that? and fibula doesn't realize it, but what he said reveals a lot of his inner conflict to tails. cuz he's right... tails IS the smart one. and when tails eventually lets fibula go, and fibula scampers back to the empire, tails is left wondering about fibula and his cracked facade

#this has been in my drafts since november idk why i never posted it. more fibula lore i guess #fibula and tails have a very ''in the background'' type arc that starts right hereeee #and comes to a head during the climax of fibula and metal's story like it's Super important #but i dont think i've actually talked about it at all so #fibula the hedgehog

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overandundertarot · 1 year

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What do you have to be grateful for?

There are many things around us that can skip our notice, but add so much magic and meaning into our lives. This reading is intended to bring some of those things to light.

Please keep in mind that this is a general reading so some parts may not resonate for you.

Please pick a picture/card(1-4, going left to right)

PILE ONE:

Cards; Page of swords, Page of cups reversed, 6 of swords.

Pile one, you have to be grateful for the people in your life who force you to take action. You are supported not just physically but spiritually as well. Sometimes you resist the help and signs given to you by your spiritual guides and they want you to know that that frustrates them. They're saying that you should be grateful that they put up with you, lol 💀. There is a lot of spiritual support in your life that has actually allowed you to unkowingly live in ease. For example, if you were supposed to be in a difficult situation eg the repurcusions of your actions, they softened the blow to make it easier for you. Pile one there is someything you're being called to do, something you have to leave for. It's giving you alot of anxiety which is why you may chose to be passive and stagnant but It's for your highest good. It's time to leave the situation. So, Pile one you have to be grateful for the unconditional love and support you have from your spiritual team, and some people in your physical life as well.

PILE TWO:

Cards; 9 of wands, the star reversed, 10 of swords.

Pile two, something you have to be grateful for in your life is that it's not as bad as it looks. You've been fighting for a while and it's beginning to take it's toll on you. Thoughts of despair, hopelessness and abandonement are filling your mind. But you have to be grateful that you've made it out alive. The situation is tough and stressing you out a great deal but there is a way out. Find somehting that can give you peace of mind and use that headspace to try and think of solutions. What you have to be grateful for is that there is a solution, a path of escape for you to follow. You just have to find it.

PILE THREE:

Cards;Wheel of fortune, 9 of cups, 9 of pentacles.

Wowww, pile three can i just say that i love your energy. What you have to be grateful for is that you have worked very hard to develop yourself, you've done a lot of work and have made the necessary sacrifices. Now it's time for you to enjoy the results of your hard work. You're very aware of what you have done and how much it means to you, I get the feeling that youve intentionally placed everything in your life to be the way that it is, and you maintain it with love and care; frienships, material possesions and most importantly yourself. You have trully developed yourself; overcoming trauma, toxic habits etc and now you understand and appreciate what's in your life everyday. Pile 3 you have to be grateful that you did the hard work, and are now receiving and experiencing the wonderful results this brought into your life. If you are not yet experiencing this, this energy is coming in very soon.

PILE FOUR:

Cards;3 of pentacles, 4 of swords, 10 of swords.

Pile 4 you have recently made a comeback or are going to make a comeback of sorts. You have been resting and gathering energy, working on a project or your craft and are now ready to rejoin the world and show it what you've been doing. However, you are plagued with anxiety about this. Something you might have done in the past was ill received and that completely crushed your spirit, so you are still holding that anxiety. What you have to be grateful for are your skills. The way your craft was/is perceived doesn't take away from its inherent value or beauty. It's not a carelessly produced project/craft, but something that you put a lot of love and care into. You must still have faith and present it, im seeing that it will greatly benefit your community and improve peoples lives on an individual level.

***

Thank you for participating in this pick a card reading!

These pictures are not mine, I found them on pinterest!

#tarot pick a card #tarotblr #tarot #tarot reading #pick a pile #pac #pick a card #pick a picture #divination #intuitive reading #free reading

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thealphavoidofficial · 5 months

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INSANITY CROSSES AU INFO!

⚠️Tw: following picture and info contains ‘oil, self harm, mentions of torture and death’⚠️

So yeah here’s that Lore info I was talking about :D

Basic timeframe: some time after the events of Bloodmoons return

Lore: in this universe Bloodmoon actually managed to injure Sun quite a bit (the chipped rays and cracked faceplate), which left him in a bit of an unstable mental state when Moon managed to chase them off.

Sun would slowly distance himself from the others, however one day a STAFF bot had barged into his room unannounced, causing Sun to decapitate it out of reflex, Sun was horrified at what he had done, but found he had somewhat…….enjoyed it.

Sun, of course kept this secret however, and had tried to hold in any more urges like that. It begun to get to the point where he would injure himself just to satisfy that urge, even if it was little by little, but it never did, but what hurt him the most was the fact that the others didn’t seem to notice anything wrong with him. He started to wear bandages on his arms to hide his cuts.

And soon, after Bloodmoon had broken Lunars arm, he had SNAPPED.

He did not care for Self control anymore, and would do everything in his power to kill EVERYONE who wronged him, even if it meant he got hurt in the process.

Sun personality in this Au is more insane and sadistic, and some may even describe him as a masochist who cares not for his own pain. He is prone to having violent outbursts at times and is willing to kill anyone who hurts his family or him. However he is also severely depressed, despite his energetic personality, and being described as ‘having to much energy’.

Relationships:

Moon, his younger twin brother, he does care deeply for him, even if he doesn’t always show it

Earth, his younger sister, he will do ANYTHING to protect her, he refuses to loose anymore family

Lunar, his adopted younger brother, he already lost him once, he’s not willing to loose him again

Solar, his adopted brother, he was prone to attacking him because he looks like Eclipse, but no longer when Solar manages to convince him he’s not Eclipse

Bloodmoon, Enemy, Kill on sight

Ruin, enemy and adopted brother, in past when he’s not cured he would have taken great pleasure in torturing him till death, but now that he is cured he no longer bothers.

Creator, disowned Father, he is no Father of his and would kill him if given the opportunity

Eclipse, disowned brother, if he was still alive he would gladly pry him out of whatever contraption he had buried himself into.

The Evil Sun Squad:

Star (@hikkokoro ‘s Sun), They have a bit of a best-friend kind of relationship

S.M ( @tricerapor12 ‘s Sun), more of a ‘restraining them so they don’t do something stupid’ kind of thing

Claw ( @abyssguardian ‘s Sun), basically their therapist

#sun and moon show #sun and moon show au #insanity crosses au #insanity sun #fanart #Lore #Evil Sun Squad

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eagle-eyes-sideblog · 5 months

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That Medical Anomaly

Summary

An AU where the reader is the subject of a secretive experiment that leaves them the perfect Player... among other things.

Possible triggering themes for this AU/story include medical trauma, descriptions of chronic illness, ableism, depression, and death. If I've handled anything insensitively, please let me know.

A more 'formal' introduction, along with rambling about my thought process, under the cut.

Self Aware MadCom belongs to @saltymongoose. The concept is really interesting to me, even aside from the xreader stuff (although it's definitely also that lmao). So I thought I might explore that a bit with a concept that's already been floating around my head for a bit. The world that the reader is from is deliberately left a bit vague, but it's sort of magical realism. Most relevant to this AU: there are things like doctors and computers existing alongside curses and other magical ailments.

Also, this doesn't really include much MadCom or SAMAU... Well, no interactions with the characters, anyways. It's mostly just an introduction to my ideas for this AU, so it describes more of what your life was like beforehand and how you found the series. Do also note that I've never played either M:PN game, so there might be some inaccuracies.

All that being said... enjoy!

~~~

You, along with several others, were the subject of an experiment when you were a teenager. It was so secretive, you were never even given the details of why it had been conducted. That, or you had forgotten, given that one of the major side effects of the experiment was memory loss.

The experiment itself was something about deliberately letting specific kinds of contagions into the subject's body. You knew a few of them were fungal, and many were magical in some way, although they were different for every experiment.

Apparently if they chose the right infections for the right subject and 'balanced' them properly with the individual's immune system... they would stabilize. This led to the subject gaining supernatural abilities based on whatever magical infections they had.

Of course, most of the subjects weren't so lucky. The various infections would usually just take their courses; often the combinations would very quickly kill the subject. Those that survived were left with permanent problems ranging from aphasia to compromised immune systems to seizures.

You were their star subject, the one better off than all the rest. The staff made sure to remind you of that every time you complained about anything. "Be grateful," they told you. "At least you can still speak. At least you're still recovering. At least you're still alive." They never said it out loud, but you heard the implication. All of this is only happening because of us.

Bullshit. You were only 'better off' because of sheer dumb luck. Had they succeeded? Maybe. But their idea of success didn't even take you into account.

And their idea of success still left you with problems. Yes, you have sharper senses now, and you can draw energy from more than just food. But you're face-blind, and your hands and feet are numb, and you sometimes hurt so badly that you can't walk.

Not to mention how unethical the experiment itself was. They didn't even study people who already had these conditions; they deliberately induced them. Hell, one of your roommates was six years old! Why they let her participate still bothered you today.

...But it wasn't all bad. You cherished the friends you'd made there, even if you'd lost contact with most of them.

Not just your fellow patients, either. Most of the staff were... annoying at the very least. But a few seemed to actually have your best interests in mind. For example, your favorite nurse, Max, recommended an animated series that might help take your mind off of things when you were in the depths of depression.

You very quickly fell in love with Madness Combat. The simple graphics, where characters were denoted by outfit and style rather than facial features, seemed perfect for you. You grew to adore Hank, Deimos, Sanford, Tricky, and every other character, getting invested in their fights even when nothing else made you happy.

And the episodes were just plain fun to watch. Even when you had issues with your memory, the fight scenes interested you more than enough to make up for it. The community, too, seemed to welcome you, and you came to cherish the friends you made there.

Not only that, but you found a little game on Newgrounds. Although your numb hands made it hard to play, it really did capture the things that made you adore Madcom to begin with. Your favorite nurse approved too; after all, it was an exercise in hand-eye coordination!

Naturally, you were beyond thrilled when Project Nexus came out. By that point, you'd already left the facility. And your memory had recovered enough to get well and truly obsessed with the lore.

You smiled, picking the Tourist difficulty and sitting back to watch the intro cinematic. This was going to be fun.

(Unbeknownst to you, it would also be much, much more than you bargained for.)

#reader insert #self aware m:pn au #that medical anomaly au #eagle eyed writing #madness combat x reader #do i dare maintag this #no probably not #btw name is taken from the medical anomaly #by really introverted producer (r.i.p)#it may change!! that song is just very good #i have more thoughts on this au but im eepy and shall go to bed now #samau

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cryptids-of-spielzeit · 10 days

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Purpureo Sub Caelo

Epilogue: Amare

(A Grinning Cat Story)

It was the morning after. Or, rather, the afternoon. The sun reached its peak, bathing the Cat in its light, awaking him from his slumber. It was one of the best he had in quite some time, despite his injuries. Of that matter, they strangely felt healed, no sort of pain coursed through Theo.

He felt where that thing slashed his chest. Sealed, no blood, no cut. In it's place, tightly knit thread, royal purple. He then noticed there was a rather big blanket covering him. This was getting weird.

"Meine güte, you're awake!"

A voice cried out, soft and caring in tone. And then he saw her. She was an old woman, oldest that Theo had ever seen. She walked over to him cautiously.

"Thank the stars you made it. I had not stitched in some time, I thought it would break almost immediately."

Theo was filled with both confusion and comfort. This woman just saw a giant cat bleeding profusely on the ground and just decided "let me help you"? Was she crazy?

"...you did a good job..."

She slightly jumped, staring Theo in the eyes before regaining her composure.

"Oh, you speak? That's wunderbar! If you speak then you must have a name, yes?"

Theo couldn't comprehend it. Was this lady insane? Anyone of sound mind and body would be properly frightened by him, at least that's what he thought. She was handling this situation like she had been used to things like him.

"...my name is Theodore, ma'am..."

"Oh, and so polite too! My name is Berta, dear. Now we know each other."

Her smile was so...so genuine, so heartfelt. This lady was cartoonishly kind. But this was probably what Theo needed. Something sickeningly sweet.

"It is a pleasure to meet you, Miss Berta. Thank you for healing me."

"Oh, please, don't worry about that, Herr Theodore. Did you enjoy your rest?"

"....Yes."

"That is splendid news!"

Berta walked over to some bushes. They were filled with a menagerie of berries and other fruits, as were the trees around them. Theo had stumbled upon Spielzeit's Fruit Basket, meaning he was incredibly close to town. He wasn't sure if that was good or bad.

As he watched Berta pick the berries, he noticed a long shape crawling just behind the bush. PJ Pug-a-pillar, one of the "Hybrids" of the Fruit Basket, was about to make a victim out of the old lady. Not on Theo's watch.

He sprang up and ran up to Berta. She couldn't see the hybrid from where she stood, but Theo could. PJ was frozen in fear, it seems he hadn't realized that the Prototype's right hand was out there with all of them. And with just a threat of his claws, still shining, PJ scurried off.

"Is something the matter, dear?"

"No. I just wanted to watch."

"Oh, that's just precious! Seems you're a bit too late though, little kätzchen, I've gotten all I need. I hope you like strawberries!"

Theo was taken aback. Was she picking those for him? Admittedly, he was a bit hungry.

"...I do like those."

"Prächtig! I'll send these over to Ms. Puntz, she can make a strawberry tart like there's no tomorrow! Come, I'll show you to my place, we can't have you out in the open all day now can we?"

Yep. This lady was crazy. But, regardless, a home is a home. It wasn't a very long walk, only about 4 minutes from the Basket. It was a lone cottage, disconnected by the town only by having no passageway. It was huge, too big for just 1 old lady. She had to have had family there.

"Go right in, make yourself comfortable. I'll be back within the hour with those tarts. Tata!"

And with that, she left. For an old lady, she had quite a bit of energy. It was like she never grew up. Being with her reminded Theo of the kids at Playcare, at least the ones who actually liked him. They had that energy, that spunk. He could hear their voices as clear as day.

"Catnap?"

"Catnap, is that you?"

"Mr. Theo?"

"Thank goodness you're alive!"

They weren't in his head.

(PURPUREO SUB CAELO: COMPLETE

NEXT STORY: CANDLES)

(EDIT AFTER DAY 1 BECAUSE I'M A DUMB DUMB: The idea for Old Lady Berta as a part of the story and as a character originated from @abugcalledtoken. I posted this at, like, 3 AM last night and forgot to give creds ;_;)

(BONUS: CATNAP DRAWING UNDER CUT! -JY)

(I don't really draw all that much, so apologies if it doesn't look all that good, but here's a doodle of how Catnap looks as of the end of this story! Will doodle more designs later ^^. Thank y'all for readin' :3. - JY)

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izar-tarazed · 4 months

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Welcome!

What this is: This blog is mostly dedicated to my Elden Ring OC Izar (more about her below). There might also be other content (Baldur’s Gate 3, DnD 5e, writing) unless I’ll feel the need to create specific sideblogs for that (unlikely, I lack the energy).

What I do: I’ll mostly share screenshots, headcanons, storytelling, and writing snippets. While this is not a pure RP blog I very much enjoy RPing, so feel free to shoot me a prompt/starter whenever you like! (For more information regarding RP, flip through the Stargazer's Cookbook I've left over here!)

Who I am: You can call me Zari. I’m over 30, she/her. Not a native English speaker, so bear with me if I say strange things. Expect occasional ramblings about the glory of freelance life, and know that there is never enough coffee.

Izar Tarazed, Tarnished Astrologer

Izar barely remembers anything from the time before her awakening in the Lands Between – just her name and what she knew of the stars. However, the stars above the Lands Between are different, their lore mostly lost to her, so she gathers stories and bits of information wherever she can.

Her most treasured possessions are her telescope and her map-making tools.

Whenever she gets the chance, Izar will sit and work on her celestial maps, preferably beneath the golden light of grace, trying to figure out constellations and their possible meanings. Working on her maps also calms her down and helps her focus.

She’s often more driven by her astrological curiosity than by the ambition to become Elden Lord – she’ll confront Rennala mainly because she wants access to the library of Raya Lucaria, and Radahn because she wishes to set the stars back in motion.

Izar relies mostly on her sorceries – the Comet and Night Comet are her favorites – and only starts improving her skills with melee weapons and a shield when Ensha insists on teaching her.

Personality

Izar is a little geek when it comes to astrology and will talk about it with neverending enthusiasm. At a new place, its (potential) view of the night sky is usually the first thing she’ll check.

She values the friendships and alliances she makes, being protective of those she cares about; that might be both her greatest strength and her greatest weakness.

Upon meeting someone for the first time, she'll rather be calm and cautious, but much more confident, cheeky and bubbly once she feels comfortable.

The fact that she doesn’t remember who she was before bothers her more than she lets on.

When upset, she can be pretty defiant, sarcastic and snappy.

Sir, That’s My Emotional Support Skeleton

Izar spares Ensha’s life when he attacks her at the Roundtable Hold. This leads to them being sent out on a mission together to track down Latenna (which, of course, doesn’t go as planned). While they start out deeply suspicious of each other, teaming up only reluctantly, they eventually come to trust each other and become close friends.

(I’m not entirely sure what Ensha is, but I’m leaning way more into the headcanons of the somehow animated armor/actual skeleton with some kind of relation to the ancient king mentioned in the description of the Royal Remains set, rather than just being some guy with a skull mask.)

Ensha will often travel with Izar, having her back and finding picturesque dungeon walls to lean against and ponder how on earth this careless astrologer can still be alive. (He's exaggerating, of course. Izar can definitely handle herself ... most of the time.)

Since Ensha doesn’t speak, their communication process is a little rocky at first but improves once Izar gets better (and eventually good) at understanding his sign language. From that point, they'll often have some banter going on (that usually remains at least partially unnoticed by their surroundings).

#elden ring #elden ring oc #tarnished #izar tarazed #elden ring astrologer #elden ring tarnished #oc headcanons #ensha of the royal remains #zari ooc

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asterouslyaesthetic · 1 month

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i like to think the reason volo is so surprised that togepi likes him is that he actually hated togepi at first.

now, i'm assuming it's the same togepi as in PLA and dimensional shenanigans mean that he was pulled in with the wrong version of her.

so, allow me to set the scene, under the cut:

this story takes place almost six years before our protagonist (who is akari, in my heart) arrives in hisui. volo, seemingly a young man, arrives at cogita's place, due to a letter she sent to him.

she reveals to him that the pokemon nearby have been spooked badly by something, or someone. he agrees to take a look, if she'll share a particular book with him.

so, volo sets off and finds an injured hisuian decidueye, who attacks him with impunity. during this fight, he notices and correctly deduces that:

a) this decidueye was injured by someone, and

b) he has something to protect, likely a child

because of the book that's promised to him, and because volo sees value in having such a strong pokemon aid him, volo begins his attempts to "befriend" the decidueye.

the next day, while he's still injured (for which cogita displays motherly concern, which volo dismisses due to his resentment of her), he returns to heal the decidueye—and leaves some berries that not only help heal injuries, but are also good for young pokemon to eat.

this goes on for roughly a month before decidueye decides he can trust volo with the existence of his child—togepi, then a helpless egg. and volo, while he refuses to analyze it, actually enjoys spending time with decidueye. it's the first time he's done so in years, since the passing of the two pokemon who had followed him through his childhood (and died for it).

but good things aren't meant to last. though decidueye heals up nicely, he's still rather weak because of his injuries, which were long left untreated. he lasts for another three months before he entrusts togepi, still an egg, to volo, expending the last of his energy to go find an heirloom he and his deceased mate wanted to leave for their child.

and volo hates togepi for it.

every time he looks at the egg, he considerd smashing it. "if it wasn't for you, decidueye would still be alive." he can't fathom decidueye's actions, nor can he accept it as "selflessness (on decidueye's part)" instead of "selfishness (on togepi's part)".

mind you, togepi is an egg. she can't do shit.

but he always stops himself before he does anything he'll regret, eventually convincing himself that raising a pokemon from the beginning ensures loyalty—at least until togepi finds a better master, or learns that volo could do nothing for her father.

but volo, despite how twisted he is, ends up charmed by how togepi follows him around. even if he's rude and cold at times, though he does the bare minimum, she still looks at him as if he's hung the sun, the stars, the moon—even the clouds in the sky. and volo is weak to that genuineness, despite thinking that togepi has every reason to hate him, even though he internally treats it with revulsion.

[now, for an intermission, things volo has definitely thought about togepi:

(after she presents him with a daisy because she thinks it'll look good against his hair) "i wonder if there's anything in that empty head of yours. silly girl, you should be worrying about yourself."

(when togepi tries to change his towel when he gets a fever) "i know that it's only a matter of time. i know that. but if i close my eyes, i can return to the past and take you with me. so, just for today...i..."

(after someone says that it's amazing how well-behaved togepi is) "that's like remarking on a daughter obedient to her father. in exchange for gems and other finery, she plays a quiet, docile fool, until she has no need of him. that's why...i need to find the rest of those plates soon. so that...we can remain together i will never be betrayed."]

and togepi, despite being young, can understand volo is hurting, but is ultimately a good person. volo is not only the closest thing she has to a dad, but she's also the only one who can worm into his heart now, or so cogita says. so she makes it her life's goal to make volo happy, because she hates it when he's unhappy, even if it means making very questionable decisions and hurting someone else she loves.

[now, another intermission—things togepi has definitely thought about volo:

(after he smiles sadly) "ah...don't smile like that." (smushes his cheeks, causing him to snort and laugh) "please let him always be happy. please let me make him happy.”

(after witnessing a father-daughter pokemon duo in the wild) "a father? the way you're looking at them...it seems like you also don't know what a father is." (after being told what a father is) "ah, that's not true. it seems we're not the same. i have a father...and i'm not old enough to be yours..."

(after being told what volo wants to achieve) "if the world is remade...then will you and i ever meet?" (cuddles in beside volo) "but you said, 'we'll do it together.' so...whatever you need me to do...i'll do it."]

after all, it only makes sense that volo's pokemon are equally crazy, and possibly very devoted to him. that craziness is why n lies to volo—it's not that togepi tells n their plans, it's that she's frighteningly devoted to him, almost in the same way some members of team plasma acted.

[by the way, cogita also gifts him some letters from his deceased mother (who was her niece) that she found while cleaning. that's actually the reason she calls him, because it's his mother's birthday. they end up celebrating it for the first time in a looong time, and cogita thinks she might've raised him right (nope)]

#pokemon volo #pla #pokemon legends arceus #trainer volo #togepi is just the FL in a childcare manhwa with the dad who supposedly hates her but actually doesn't #and she takes the crumbs he gives her and runs #is it vaguely a toxic familial relationship? yes #also i hc that volo already has his team #he just has no reason to train them up until akari falls from the sky since no one seems inclined to figure out what's going on #so the toxicity seeps through to everyone else #especially because volo either hatches these guys or rescues them #in particular i like to think lucario was rescued as a riolu #while lucario could sense his ulterior motives it could also tell that volo was genuinely angry on his behalf #garchomp just started stalking him one day and then never left his party #it isn't until post-game that he takes cogita and akari's lead and gives them names

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holybananaoafshoe · 4 months

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Team Dynamics

Scary Dog Privilege 🐺 2/10

They go on many grand adventures…that always go wrong one way or another.

Xiao, at one point, contemplates creating an adepti good luck charm for Benny because Archons is the kid unlucky.

Do you know how many times he or Kazuha saved the kid from an unintentional demise? Too damn many.

Like Xiao is concerned for his well-being at this point.

How the hell does this kid function????

To be brutally honest, Xiao joined them not only to ensure the Walking Disaster’s safety, but to figure out how *vaguely gestures to Benny* he works.

I like to imagine Xiao as the tired babysitter from The Incredibles and Benny as Jack-Jack

He doesn't think the charm would help, but he makes one out of some leaves and twigs anyway and gives it to Benny.

Benny is so touched??? Xiao made him a good luck charm, but not just any! An adeptus good luck charm, so maybe it’ll help ward off the worst of it.

It uh…..certainly wards off like the minor bad luck like he doesn’t burn his food or stub his toe as much.

Kazuha? He’s just enjoying the chaos.

I like to think Kazuha joined Benny because it seemed like a nice change of pace and puts his observation skills to the test

Sadly, the wind can’t warn him fast enough on most days

He’s very observant (apart from the wind thing lmao) so he’s the first one to notice if something is bothering Xiao or if Benny is hiding how he’s feeling

Or if someone hides their wounds.

Interpret that as you will. I like to think Xiao or Benny would.

Xiao, to appear tough and because he’s used to working alone ever since his siblings passed. Benny because he wants to make sure the others are okay first, and maybe he feels bad about his luck rubbing off on them and doesn’t want to bother them more than he already has.

The Wind Thing™ is amazing to Benny and he’s in awe of Kazuha’s attunement to nature and the general awareness he has for their surroundings.

It kind of freaks Xiao out just a little.

A *tiny* bit. It’s just enough that when Kazuha first mentions that the wind told him something Xiao is giving him slight side-eye and a thought of Oh no he’s crazy flits across the back of his mind… until they investigate and find that Kazuha was right.

Xiao himself has really really good intuition from years of fighting, but nothing quite like the wind telling him something.

If it works, it works, so long as Kazuha isn’t bothered by it, he supposes. (Part of Xiao wonders if it was an evil demon or spirit… he definitely Did Not spend a week or two trying to make sure Kazuha’s wind thing wasn’t something he should conquer or banish or get that kid with the high yang energy…. Chongyun, to exorcise)

His extremely calm demeanor is slightly off-putting to Xiao

Despite that, Xiao notices when Kazuha starts to slow down in a fight or when cracks start to show in his calm facade (more on this *later*)

I like to think Kazuha reacts more internally than he does outwardly.

Like Kazuha does show emotion, but is more low key about it.

*The stove explodes and Benny just laughs. He’s covered in soot and his clothes are singed, but he smiles and tells them he accidentally got the lizard powder he has on him too close to the fire* “Ah I should have been more careful, I must have forgotten to take this out of my pocket when I was with Klee and Albedo a few weeks ago…”

Kazuha: *staring wide eyed with a strained smile* I… see, it’s lucky we weren’t too close then. *pats Benny’s back and helps clean up the camp*

Kazuha internally: What the fuck was that? Holy shit, I thought we were going to die… I might actually die if I keep traveling with him holy shit. How is he still alive????? How am I alive????

((Xiao stopped being surprised at the unlucky after traveling with Benny for a week))

I also like to think that Kazuha and Xiao will look at eachother like they’re in The Office once they’re used to Benny’s luck

*Benny burns the food once again* “Aw, man, I left it on too long!” *Kazuha looks over to Xiao, who had just gotten back from collecting firewood, like can you believe this kid? And Xiao just shrugs*

How does Kazuha say the most profound shit casually like it’s any other Tuesday??? Xiao is somewhat convinced Kazuha either had 1. Something traumatic happen to him or 2. Was definitely a priest or something at some point.

While Benny is like 75% sure Kazuha is some kind of poet that writes under a pen name.

He totally tries to discreetly figure out what Kazuha’s author name is lol and when he outright asks and Kazuha denies being an author all Benny can think is: “I see, he’s a private person and doesn’t want his identity to come out.”

*proceeds to try to “protect” Kazuha’s different identities anytime he thinks they’re getting exposed*

It goes on like this until they learn about Kazuha’s backstory (more on this *later*)

Xiao is like 90% sure Kazuha is high in one way or another half the time, and honestly? He'd join him if he didn't have to be the fucking sane one in the group.

Benny??

He’s just so happy to have travel companions tbh.

Benny keeps the mood up and his happy-go-lucky attitude often rubs off on the others

Even Xiao will find himself smiling slightly at Benny’s excitement

Though, his travel companions are a bit strange, but, hey, his dads at the guild taught him not to judge a book by its cover and it turned out Xiao and Kazuha are pretty cool!

And! They don’t seem to mind his bad luck!

Benny is the mastermind behind their expeditions and adventures, be it commissions that he gets through the guild or a rumor he’s heard in Liyue Harbor.

#genshin impact #genshin #genshin impact headcanons #team dynamics #scary dog privilege #Bennett #Xiao #Kazuha #you know they'd all be a little off put by Xiao and Kazuha #Kazuha is at least a little bit more of a “normal” wonderer/traveler #but xiao is like the silent judging type or at leadt you think he's judging lmao #benny is so happy to have traveling companions

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j0kers-light · 2 years

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His Lighthouse: Two Steps Forward (LedgerJoker x f!reader)

Two Steps Forward...

series summary:

Y/n is an aspiring writer living in Gotham City and struggling to find her next muse. Her recent novel is getting all the buzz, earning her far more attention than she signed up for. But when a chance encounter results in her nursing The Joker back to health, will she find the time to write another best seller or will her own story become front page of the Gotham Gazette?

chapter summary:

Now that Y/n has come to the realization she is housing Joker inside of her apartment, the process of living together can truly begin. But how will Y/n and Joker get along when they don’t have much in common?

Without further ado I hope you enjoy the story!

Last Chapter | Next Chapter

The silence was deafening inside the interrogation room.

Everyone was in disbelief by Joker's behavior and no one believed that he actually spared someone's life, especially the person who claimed to know him the best.

Batman studied his enemy from all points of view. He knew Joker was notorious for leading people into a false sense of security but this time, he seemed rather genuine. Bruce could sense the remorse, sadness, and some traces of honesty from Joker.

But under the cowl, Batman was smarter and knew this could very well be a trap. Something about Joker felt off. Either he was being serious for once in his life, or he was pulling off his best performance yet.

Without knowing which scenario was true, Batman decided to proceed with caution. Violence was not the way to handle this. He would have to take things slow. Batman looked around the room and found the Polaroid film that started all of this before returning to Joker's side.

"This girl-" Batman pointed at the picture, "Is she still alive?"

Joker rolled his eyes. He was far too tired to entertain this conversation any longer.

He blamed you for his sluggish brain. You introduced him to the wonders of a good night's rest and got him addicted.

Before he met you he skirted by in life with the bare minimum for sleep and as a result, he was always in a grumpy, bitter mood. Being with you he became energetic and full of life, a complete opposite of his persona as The Joker.

He couldn't function properly without a full eight hours of rest, something he didn't get the night before since he stayed up thinking. A shame really. It hadn't been a full day since he left and he already missed your contagious energy.

You spoiled him rotten on life and he couldn't, in fact he didn't want to go back to the way things were before he met you.

Unfortunately that wasn't meant to be. He was Gotham City's most wanted and you were a mere (semi-famous) citizen.

You deserved so much more than he could ever hope to give you. Yet sitting here on the cold concrete floor inside GCPD headquarters made him question if turning himself in was the right thing to do and that it wasn't him running away from his fears of inadequacy.

"Focus Joker, if she's still alive we can save her! Don't you want her to be safe?"

Oh right. Joker forgot Batman was trying to play detective here. Maybe turning himself in was a bad idea after all. Your apartment was always quiet and peaceful. Funny how he was just a few blocks away from your place. If he closed his eyes he could map out the exact route to end up at your front door.

Joker rolled his neck as much as he could while being restricted inside a straight jacket and then yawned. His inner clock alerted him it was close to dinner time and his stomach growled, craving a meal it would never taste again.

"I told you, Bats. I would never hurt her. I... heh, well I made a promise noT to."

"That doesn't answer my question Joker!"

"Well which one am I responding to, Bats? You've asked so many.. they all got jumbled up together and I can't..." He let Batman grab ahold of his jacket, yanking him up off of the floor.

They met eye to eye and the standoff shocked the police officers watching the live feed. Batman really could stare down the scum of Gotham without fear.

"I'm not playing games with you tonight. The girl! Where is she?" He demanded.

There were other crimes that needed his attention but he couldn't leave until the situation here was handled. He grew impatient and dragged Joker back over to the desk and roughly sat him down.

Joker settled without complaint but couldn't resist teasing his nemesis. "I see you're using the good cop/bad cop rou-tine. Fine, I'll play along." Joker licked his lips and pretended to think up at the ceiling.

He spotted the multiple cameras watching his and Batman's every move with a knowing eye. He hated being watched like some kind of circus attraction. This interrogation was dragging on and wearing Joker down. "What time is it?"

"What does that have to do with anything?" Batman replied.

"Depending on the time... she could be in one place or another, so I can't answer unless ya tell meee."

Behind the two-way glass Jim Gordon facepalmed himself. "Good to see Joker back to his old tricks." One officer mentioned.

This wasn't looking too good. Jim glanced up at the clock ticking away on the wall. It read a quarter till eight. They've been at this for hours with no progress.

Not even Batman could decode this abnormal version of Joker. They would give the caped crusader another half hour before booking Joker per protocol. Perhaps they would finally get prints off the clown before he busted out. Jim and his other colleagues turned their attention back to the feed when Batman's voice raised over the mic.

"Are you implying she's in multiple places? I won't fall for that again." A brief memory of having to choose between two people came and went.

"Uh no. I'm implying that she's a stubborn girl and she's probably out of Gotham City by now. We had a, uh.. nasty fight last night and before you ask, I don't wanna talk about it Bats. As a man, I hope you'd under-stand."

"I don't. Now talk!" Batman yelled.

"Geez.." Joker shifted in his seat. He wanted to keep you a secret for as long as possible and so far, he was doing a good job.

You weren't some dirty secret to hide from society. If anything, he wanted to show you off to the world but for your own safety, he made it a top priority to keep you far away from danger. Himself included.

He only trusted one man and gave you his contact info in case of emergencies. Like you'd want anything to do with Joker after he left you high and dry but it was an option he hoped you never had to use.

Joker just wanted you safe. You meant more to him than you'd ever know. He never felt this way for someone before so pure possessive instincts forced him to put your safety above his own in any situation. Joker considered his rivals and other enemies in the city, any persons of authority, and especially Batman, a threat if they ever found you.

Joker already had other competition to scare off, (which he meant discreetly eliminate) and with the way you spoke so highly of the Dark Knight, it irked Joker's already frayed nerves. Just sitting across from Batman now reminded him of the kind words you had for Gotham's savior. It took a bit longer but overtime you regarded Joker in the same way.

He missed your positive outlook on life.

The way you acknowledged his character flaws, (you knew in the end Joker wouldn't change) but you treated him like a normal human being, and it meant everything to him. Joker felt like he changed as a person while remaining true to himself and he would cherish that feeling forever.

It was hard to describe the way you loved Joker and he felt like a fool for throwing that bond away, but he had to. It was all to keep you safe.

In the meantime he would take your advice and find joy in any situation.

He wouldn't waste a perfectly good opportunity to mess with Batman and the GCPD pigs that were watching the interrogation. Joker nodded to himself and met Batman's stare head on.

"A real man knows when his hands are, tied." Joker wiggled his arms in the straight jacket earning an eye roll from Batman that made him bite back a laugh.

"You want me to talk, then listen well. She's alive. Last time I saw her, she was sleeping on a tearstained pillow. It feels like in the end, all I did was make her cry. But in order to protect her.. I had to become the, uh, villain in her story."

Batman raised an eyebrow underneath his mask. "You weren't one to begin with?"

Joker snorted. He glanced over at the room's mirror which he knew GCPD's finest was using to watch him. He unknowingly made eye contact with Jim Gordon and replied to Batman's jab.

"Not at first. I was many things to her but never the bad guy. I tried so hard to make her hate me but she's.. something else. She would cry and get mad— but she always forgave me afterwards. Nothing I did scared her away. Say Bats! Would you believe me if I told you My Light and I started out as..."

A roommate. You weren't used to having one. Since you never went to college and were an only child, you always had a space to yourself.

Upon moving to your penthouse in Gotham City, silence was abundant, save for the noisy hustle and bustle out on the city streets below. It was just background noise to you.

Your apartment was an oasis of tranquility in the middle of the city. You were used to unlimited freedom to do whatever you wanted, whenever you wanted, within your space.

Decorating to your heart's content, blasting music that you liked without any neighbors banging on your door, ah the joys of living on the top floor. You didn't walk around nude (too many windows and Gotham was far too dangerous for that kind of thing) but if you wanted to cook in a dinosaur costume, you could! That is until Joker became your temporary flat mate.

You talked the clown into staying until his stitches needed to be removed but you didn't discuss the living arrangements while being held at knifepoint. It kinda slipped your mind at the time.

Thankfully you had room to spare however Joker seemed content with crashing on your couch. After your little 'disagreement' at breakfast, Joker avoided you like the plague and for the time being, you kept your distance too.

No matter how angry he got he kept his word and never harmed a hair on your head. Granted he was rooted to one spot, so there wasn't much harm he could inflict. In the beginning you only bothered him when delivering him food or the worst task of them all, taking him to the bathroom.

That initial interaction was a tough pill to swallow. Joker couldn't walk on his own and your bathroom was soooo far away. He refused to wet himself but you were so focused on that laptop of yours, he couldn't get your attention.

He understood you were a writer and once you got into a groove it was impossible to stop, but this was ridiculous!

The words were flowing so fast from your mind and onto the word document that, to Joker, your nimble fingers danced over the keyboard like a master pianist.

He tried sighing– because that usually got your attention, but not this time. At first your ears didn't pick up his broody exhale but the second time he sighed just a bit louder, his patience was rewarded.

"Earth to Y/n. Your patient is dying!" His sarcastic words made you pause but you quickly recovered and continued working with your head bopping to some imaginary beat only you could hear.

Your back was facing him so he didn't see the way your lips were reading your work as you went, nodding along. To him you were blatantly ignoring him.

Weren't you supposed to be taking care of him? Joker tried, better yet failed– to get your attention again until he was forced to use a different tactic.

Meanwhile, you had an excuse for your distracted mind. Your work kept you busy and awake.

After the whole breakfast fiasco, Joker declared he was taking a nap, leaving you with a huge mess to clean and a story you were itching to start. Not to mention you wanted to tackle laundry today and you really wanted to bake something sweet to eat for later.

So much needed to be done and you knew Joker would thwart every last task if he were awake.

This weekend couldn't get anymore stressful. But you were a queen of multitasking and started a load of laundry in between cleaning up the broken chinaware and leftover food that spilled from the breakfast tray, and restored your living room back to its pristine condition.

You moseyed into the kitchen and made a large Charcuterie board for whenever Joker decided to wake up from his nap. You munched on the scraps while you tidied up.

While biting into a fig your mind noticed the similarities between Joker and a common house cat.

Before you compared him to a puppy but that wasn't true. He was mooching off your food and doing nothing but sleeping around just like a cat would. However Joker was on the mend so you cut him some slack.

He needed to stay hydrated so you brought him a few water bottles and placed them near his couch– you've since given up ownership of it, and returned to your desk to type out a few more pages in between folding clothes.

The early morning was bleeding into high noon and it was a rather pleasant day out despite the rain. You lit a lemongrass candle for productivity but jumped when a heavy sneeze sounded off in the room. Did he just?

You looked over your shoulder but Joker appeared to be asleep so you went back to writing. You hoped he wasn't allergic. 'Note to self: discuss allergies with Joker for meal prep later this week.'

This thought was mentally filed away and jotted down in your nearby journal for later. The timer on your phone still displayed forty five minutes until the dryer went off so you bunkered down to get the current scene you were having trouble with squared away. Did you want a direct approach/solution for your main character or should you incorporate the tertiary character in to have a cameo appearance to assist? Time seemed to fly as you worked, though you hardly noticed.

You were making good progress until a water bottle flying over your shoulder and hitting the wall in front of you, stopped all brain function. Your heart was beating wildly. Where did that come from?

In that moment you briefly forgot you weren't alone. You had a roommate now, one that was quick to violence.

You spun around to face him. "What in the.. Joker! Was that really necessary?! What if that water messed up my laptop?"

He rolled his eyes and shifted up into a sitting position. Hearing your dramatics after waking up from your weird smelling candle was not something he signed up for. He noticed it was a few hours after breakfast judging by the sun's rays pouring in from the giant windows.

The orange juice you forced him to drink after breakfast had moved through his system and upon waking up his mouth felt like the Sahara Desert. Thankfully he spotted the water bottles you left for him and downed two before he tried gaining your attention. If he factored in the water and the juice from earlier, he needed to pee. Badly.

And so, everything came back full circle. He refused to wet himself but at least he had your attention now.

"Forget about your laptop, Y/n. I've been trying to get your uh.. attention, for the past thirty minutes." He scratched his head and it was then you noticed his uninjured leg tapping impatiently on the hardwood floors. You only knew Joker for less than a day but you've never seen him so jittery.

You blinked rapidly trying to grasp his words. You stole a glance at your phone to find that you literally lost track of time.

"Wow, okay um I'm sorry, I didn't know it was this late. My mind is on this plot and I just.. ugh, I'm rambling. What do you need?" You asked him.

"The bathroom."

"Um it's down the hall, can't miss it." You waved in its general direction but Joker didn't move.

He stared at you and waited for your brain to catch up with his predicament. You were proving his theory of you just being book smart truer by the minute. Were you really that scatterbrained?

"What?" You asked. His stare was so intense it made you self conscious.

Was there something on your face? Was your hair too wild? Your eyes travelled down to his bandaged leg and your brain slowly loaded the required information to respond. "Oh. OH! I-I really didn't think this through..."

Joker merely smiled wide. God, you so desperately wanted to brush his teeth. But that was another fight to get into later. He would probably threaten you again but you didn't care. You hoped they weren't permanently stained.

In the end, that's how you ended up supporting half of Joker's weight as you two walked to the bathroom.

You collided roughly into your hallway table trying to keep Joker upright and you knew the area would bruise by tomorrow morning, but nevertheless— you two made it to your bathroom in one piece.

Intricate floor tiles greeted you when you flipped on the lights.

Crisp and modern or as Barbara described it, 'a whimsical Y/n flair,' was present throughout the room.

You rented the apartment mainly for its large bathrooms. The focal point of this room was the original claw foot tub sitting atop a raised platform underneath a skylight window. All kinds of plants surrounded the tub and abstract art of Gotham City hung on the walls. The walls themselves were a crisp grey that paired beautifully with your matte black fixtures.

Original subway tiles, chipped just enough to be vintage but still modern looking, graced the wall behind the standing sink and encased the giant walk-in shower that looked like it could fit three people and a spare. Your bathroom was straight out of a magazine.

Joker whistled lowly. "How much are your uh, royalty checks? I should change professions."

"Was that a joke or are you being serious?" You asked. His low huff answered your question. Of course Joker would never change, but a girl could dream.

You had ample room to walk in together side by side and you guided him over to the John that was behind a half wall near the tub.

"Okay.. I think you can take it from here. I'll be um.." This was so awkward.

"Don't you wanna stay? I might.. slip and hit my head on your opulence." He grumbled, looking around the fancy room.

You never knew when Joker was living up to his name or just being honest. His sardonic humor was difficult to pinpoint. "I hope the towel rack takes you out on the way down. I'll be outside."

You heard his zipper echo in the room and eeped outta there so fast. You slammed the door hearing Joker's signature laugh bounce off your subway tiles. He knew just how to get under your skin and the worst part, you let him!

It felt ridiculous standing outside your own bathroom but you patiently waited and then... waited some more.

You rocked on your heels, twirled your thumbs, and stared at the splatter paint art hanging on the wall outside the bathroom biding time.

You did anything but listen to Joker inside. But after a while it became too quiet and far too much time had passed. How long did it take a guy to use the bathroom? Definitely not this long.

Your knuckles rapped on the wooden door. "Joker, are you alright?"

You didn't hear a response and immediately thought the worst. What if he lost his balance and hit his head like you had joked? With your terrible luck, you probably jinxed the guy.

You didn't hear any thuds but the possibilities were endless floating around inside your head. Your heart was beating fast as you burst through the door, frantically looking about and preparing yourself for the worst.

Joker wasn't unconscious on the floor and there wasn't any blood either (thank goodness) but seeing him reading your private bathroom journal was not what you expected. He was like a nosy toddler always meddling into things!

"Put that down!" You rushed towards him but collided into his side when he blocked you.

"So.. this is where your ideas are stored. My, my Y/n.. you have quite the uh, imaginative brain."

Oh god what did he read? You forgot to hide your notebook earlier! You felt like a teenager catching your mother reading your first WIP for the first time.

Utter embarrassment flushed the tip of your ears scarlet red. The situation became worse when you jumped up and down trying to snatch your journal away from Joker.

If you weren't so hellbent on retrieving your notebook, you would've noticed the height difference between you and him.

"Don't read that! Joker, stop being a bully and give me my journal!" To him, your pleas were befitting that of a child.

A buzzing noise down the hall gained his attention but it didn't distract him much into lowering your journal to where you could reach it. He leaned his weight on the console sink and raised an eyebrow in your direction before nodding towards the door.

You stopped reaching and followed his gaze out the bathroom, catching the last buzz alert from your dryer, and answered Joker's silent question.

"It's laundry day. I need to fold those before they get too wrinkled. Are you done in here?" You gestured vaguely around the bathroom, earning a signature Joker huff.

It sounded like a sharp exhale but it also had qualities of a low growl. It intrigued and confused you at the same time on how he pulled it off. How you interpreted it, it was his lazy version of an affirmative response.

But he used it interchangeably for negative replies too. Whatever it was, it became something your ears grew accustomed to in such a short amount of time. "Alright then. Let's get you back to the couch if you're done."

"Lead the way." Why did your name fall from his lips so suggestively?

Were you just imagining it? Perhaps, but when you walked towards Joker with arms open wide, he didn't take your pre-offered shoulder to lean on. Instead he didn't move at all, causing you to awkwardly hug him. Only then did he wrap his arms around you and bend down to whisper in your ear.

"I happen to like the err story idea on page nineteen. Mind sharing your thought process on how that came to be, hmm?" He pulled you closer, urging you to rest your head on his chest.

You barely reached it with how short you were. The comical height difference returned and now it was the only thing on your mind.

Joker, Gotham City's most wanted criminal, was holding you in your bathroom and subtly sniffing your hair. It smelled divine to him and he subconsciously squeezed you tighter because of it. You smelled like rosemary, lavender, peppermint, and some kind of fruit he couldn't quite name. The combination was intoxicating and before he knew it, his hand was snaking up your back and into your hair.

Could your reaction even be called panic if your brain simply shut down?

Everything was a blur. One minute you were ready to escort Joker back to the living room, the next you were listening to his heartbeat pressed up against your ear. It was strong with a drum like beat yet gentle on the eardrums. Steady– never faltering. You could listen to it forever and never get bored.

Your body accepted the tune and you sagged deeper into his embrace. You didn't get an ounce of sleep last night in order to stay up and watch over Joker so you were working on fumes. That was the worst idea ever.

Your brain wasn't functioning at all to warn you that this was wrong wrong wrong.

Didn't you warn yourself not to get attached? To not get too close to Joker? He was like a magnet, dripping with poison, with caution tape wrapped all around him. You should be running far far away but if being held like this felt so good, you could only imagine what falling in–

Wait.

Were you seriously catching feelings for him? You only knew Joker for a day; What was going on upstairs in your brain?

Like steering a boat out of the fog, you came back to your senses very disappointed in yourself.

By no means were you desperate or some hopeless romantic that falls in love with every guy she meets. You had standards! And very high ones! You didn't date often but you knew what you wanted and what was best for you. Too many real life dating mistakes and reading more in books and other media, showed you what was toxic and what was considered healthy.

Falling for a guy in less than twenty four hours sounded like a cheap grocery store erotica storyline.

Then you had an epiphany. Page nineteen.. page nineteen!

Your journal in the bathroom stored the majority of your scrapped book ideas. The worn journal was bursting with rejects and long forgotten ideas that were either too boring or too embarrassing to expand on. If you remembered well, page nineteen was the latter and contained heavier material if Cindy ever approved you for adult fiction. Correction: if you ever mustered up enough courage to publish such a genre.

And Joker read it. Of course he did.

You pushed out of his hold with more force than necessary. Joker blinded in shock but didn't budge an inch.

Your privacy as a writer was compromised. Who knows what else he read? Page twenty one was just as worse. You felt like crawling into a hole to die.

He noticed your flushed face and labored breathing. What had gotten you so worked up?

"F-Find your way back to the living room alone, you.. you jerk!"

Joker watched you stomp out the bathroom, mumbling something about an 'invasion of privacy' under your breath and leaving him stranded. Women were so difficult to please but what did he do to get on your bad side? He thought back on the conversation but nothing stuck out. Yeah he bullied you a bit, but nothing too serious.

Women and their mood swings he surmised. But how was he going to make it back to the couch?

"Stupid jerk reading my stuff, being so freakishly tall, and ugh!" You yanked the last article of clothing out the dryer and into a basket before slamming the door.

It was your last load, most of which that needed to be hung up before wrinkles set in, but there were a few items that could be folded. Your mind shifted gears from Joker to focus on your chores.

You were busy hanging up a silk shirt when you heard the first thud. You turned your head towards the door but rolled your eyes and returned back to your task at hand. So what if Joker hurt himself? You were mad at him right now.

He stopped halfway to the living room on a decorative stool to catch his breath. Why was he so winded from just walking? Had he underestimated his injury? He seriously hoped he didn't need to stay here any longer than your two week recommendation. He didn't want to spend more time than necessary around your flip flopping attitude.

Joker grumbled to himself but he took time to admire your tasteful interior design. You mixed low-end comfort items with bold and expensive statement pieces. No two things matched but somehow worked together to create a fun and aesthetically pleasing home.

Just a few paces away was your couch, a stiff vintage monstrosity appearance wise, which surprisingly wasn't the worst thing Joker rested his head on. It could be better. It did its job and he wanted to return to its limited comfort to stop his head from spinning. Tip toeing around you and your mood swings burned more energy than what he had initially stored up.

The trip to the bathroom took ages but Joker made it back in less than ten minutes, including his mini break. He landed roughly on his unbandaged side, sighing.

He wished you were around so he could rub in the fact that he didn't need your help. He kinda enjoyed your presence, (when you weren't a whiny woman-child) since it helped fill the emptiness lingering around the spacious apartment. He wasn't joking earlier when he asked how much your salary was.

You mentioned before how your place took up the entire top floor but Joker knew he was only seeing a glimpse of that square footage. Your living room was quite large and the connected dining room behind him explained some of the missing measurements but Joker wanted to see more.

He craned his head backwards and spotted a glass sliding door across from your kitchen that led out to a balcony, although he couldn't see how big it was from this angle.

He should've stayed up and snooped around. Maybe later, right now his body was craving another nap.

Although he didn't sleep for long. Joker woke up more grumpier and stretched out the remaining traces of sleep from his body. He briefly considered the possibility of him sleeping too much but brushed it off. His bandage were still intact and a glance out the window put the time around mid afternoon. If he were out on the streets, now would be the perfect time to begin the day's work; chaos and destruction.

Somehow your apartment felt different as the day dragged on. It still kept its whimsical charm but it had a chill in the air. Joker had no doubt your mood affected the place.

The candle that originally woke him up, some kind of citrus that tickled his nose, had long since burned out or been extinguished which meant you were in the room at some point.

The open floor plan once again gave Joker an advantage but atlas no signs of you were found. You weren't at your desk across the room and you weren't curled up in the accent chair next to the couch or on the floor nearby.

Just how long could a female's mood swing last? Approaching footsteps halted all other thoughts in Joker's brain.

How pathetic he felt sitting up in attention. Your presence emerging from the hallway sent an unknown feeling stirring up within his chest. Joker's eyes quickly latched onto you trying to find any opening to get back in your good graces.

He shouldn't care about you. He just needed his nurse in good health to take care of him. The quicker he was healed, the faster he could be out of your life, so why did he find himself getting used to staying here? More importantly, why did he want to see you happy again?

He shouldn't be getting attached. Kill him now.

You were barefoot and your dainty feet barely made any sound on the hardwood floors as you made your way to the kitchen. Not once did you spare Joker a glance. He tried to ignore the feeling your cold shoulder gave him but failed.

He remained silent as you opened the fridge to rummage around inside but the longer you ignored him, the more he couldn't stand it. Curse you for making him crave your attention!

"Y/n.... I'm bored."

Maybe you weren't intentionally ignoring him. He raised an eyebrow at how you jumped after hearing his comment. Was it possible you lived alone for so long that you weren't used to another's company? Your reaction sure confirmed it. The same way he had to get used to relying on someone for help, you had to adapt to another person being around. Day one and it was already a disaster in the making.

You quickly recovered from your fright. "What do you usually do in your free time?" You asked.

Hmm, it appeared like you were back to your normal self. Joker didn't know what he would've done if you didn't respond.

"Well." Joker chuckled to himself. "If I was locked up, I'd taunt the guards until one was stupid enough to come closer and uh escape. Oops! Don't tell them that's how I got out."

You didn't know if he was joking or telling the truth. Either way you didn't comment and continued arranging a plate.

"But if Gotham was my oyster, I'd paint the streets with blood. It's a shame I'm stuck here with you." Finally you turned his way. The fire in your eyes was gone; did that mean you weren't angry at him anymore?

You walked out the kitchen with a few plates and Joker watched you like a hawk as you came closer.

He broke your blue set earlier so this set was stark white with intricate plum blossom flowers along the rim. On it was a serving of various fruit, cheeses, and cured meat from your charcuterie board. You were really pushing this healthy diet on him.

"Yeah, what a shame." You mumbled. "If you're so bored then watch tv." All you got was a cold glare from Joker.

"What? I'm serious. I have unlimited channels, the latest streaming services available, and every gaming system at your disposal. There is no way you can be bored." You rested your hands on your hips.

Joker's forest green eyes followed the movement before darting back up to your face that was set in a frown. So your mood hadn't improved as he thought.

"Do I looK like someone who watches tv?" Joker grimaced. Your left eye twitched but you didn't argue with him.

He didn't and you knew he was a man of literature if being a fan of your work was any indicator. But that would change while staying here with you. You would expose Joker to normal things found outside of a prison cell.

He grew curious when you walked back to the kitchen and returned with more bottles of water.

Just as he was about to question your motives, you plopped down on the couch next to him. The sofa had enough room for the two of you but it was still uncomfortable to have you so close.

He recognized your scent and having it up close again stirred up bad thoughts in his brain. He shook them away as you grabbed a remote out of thin air and turned on the wall mounted tv. How did he not notice that?

It came to life, already the homepage and you scrolled through it looking for something Joker might like. True crime would be right up his alley but if he was really bored, he needed something both engaging and new. You smirked to yourself and hit play on a show already in your watch list.

Immediately a scene started where a group of women were at a familiar restaurant arguing over something trivial.

"What the fu—"

"Hey!" You shushed his mouth grabbing the plate from the coffee table and placing it on his lap. "No cursing in my apartment."

Your hand reached over to snag a piece of cheese, unaware Joker was reaching for that exact cube. Your fingers collided with his. He stole a glance to see if you noticed but you were focused on the 50 inch tv.

"The tv is on the wall.. not on my face." How did you know he was staring?

You gave him a side eye and he grunted before facing the screen. Two minutes in and he had questions. "Is that...?"

"Mhm. And the blonde next to her is Linda Linseed, wife to the Mayor, and the girl getting ready to jump over the table is Cecile Hamming– wife to the guy who owns the slew of posh hotels in Burnley."

"What are we watching, Y/n?"

You yawned. "Real Housewives of Gotham City."

Joker resisted the urge to smother you with a pillow. He did however smack your hand away from his plate. He tried to ignore your puppy dog eyes but caved in. The plate had two servings of food, he just wanted to mess with you.

The first few episodes were a bit confusing and you had to fill him in on the drama but after a while, Joker caught up and was hooked just like you hoped he would be.

His reactions were funny to watch as he openly agreed with Kimberly's gripe with Cecile, although you grew concerned when he started listing ways he could kidnap Linda after seeing majority of her house from the show. Maybe this was a bad idea but thankfully he moved on and turned his frustration to poor Allison for starting some unnecessary drama with Michelle at the dinner party.

You tried staying awake, you really did, but the lack of sleep from last night and the roller coaster of emotions you faced today were weighing down your eyelids. You were crashing fast and the last thing you saw was Linda and Michelle's fallout onscreen.

Joker was too invested to notice you dozing off. The plate of food was long gone and he didn't realize he had sat up halfway into the season in suspense. Joker underestimated just how fascinating a group of housewives could be until today.

They did the most boring things like go to luncheons and attend charity events but with a camera crew following their every move, a competition to see who was the better female made those mundane tasks all the more entertaining.

Reality tv was another way for Joker to study people's mentality. Money, power, and pride made these women feel entitled as if they could talk to people any kind of way and still be treated with respect.

Their behind the scenes interviews showed they truly believed they were the victims whenever people defied their wishes and stood up to their rude behavior.

Bonus points, Joker got to see high prominent members of society's homes should he need to 'visit' them someday. These housewives were dumb for airing out all of their business but it made for good tv and Joker had to thank you for introducing it to him.

He turned to do just that but found you sound asleep. You put the term sleeping beauty to shame.

Your wild curls covered your face until Joker brushed them aside. Now he could see your sooty lashes resting atop your high cheekbones. Even asleep you kept a gentle smile on your face. A new episode played on in the background as Joker drank in your features. He thought back to the compliment he gave you when you first met in Chinatown.

"Pretty and smart, I like that."

How stupid he was. Of course you were smart, his mistake was with describing your beauty.

Pretty was an insult when you looked otherworldly. Like some cliché movie scene, the afternoon sun shined perfectly on your face, making you grumble and turn to snuggle up on his shoulder to escape the pesky light. His body froze like Mr. Fries.

Two conflicting sides of Joker battled with itself on what to do. One part wished to let you sleep in peace, you more than deserved it with all the stress you've been through.

You felt so warm resting against him. Joker wasn't a fan of human contact but he didn't hate your contact. But who was he kidding? He was a jester at heart and the urge to plug your nose and scare you awake was second nature to him. He raised his hand up to pinch your nose when a ringtone began to play from some unknown source.

Joker jerked away when you sat up straight from your nap and fumbled inside your pockets, ultimately digging out a cell phone, which you answered.

"Hello?" You grumbled.

"Hello? Is this Y/n L/n?" A familiar voice sounded over the phone that made your stomach do cartwheels. It immediately cleared up your remaining traces of sleep. "Yes!"

"Okay, good. I'm sorry for the sudden call. This is Bruce from your book event a few months back?"

"The Bruce Wayne, yes I remember. How could I forget?" You rubbed your eye with your unoccupied hand and grew defensive. "Um. How did you get my number Mr. Wayne?"

You heard him sigh on his end. You still failed to use his first name. "I must confess Y/n, I grew tired of waiting for you to call and asked Barbara for your number. I hope that wasn't too intrusive of me."

"Mm, I guess. Barbara and I are close friends. She knows who to trust my number with. I-I.. I'm the one who should apologize. I've been so busy lately that I forgot to call?" Why did you word it like a question? And what sensible guy would believe that bold face lie? Who forgets to call someone for almost a year?

In the background, Joker's eyes narrowed at your antics.

Apparently Bruce believed your lie. You heard him laugh over the phone and the deep timbre calmed your nerves.

"I completely understand Y/n, I once sat on a merger offer for half a year. It was hidden behind a stack of building schematics. Accidents happen."

Building schematics? Your brain must've been still foggy from sleep. "Yeah.. accidents.." You didn't speak after that and Bruce cleared his throat before speaking up.

"The reason why I called you this afternoon was to see if you were available to talk. About my biography of course. We can discuss things over dinner if you're available."

It didn't take a rocket scientist to know a biography was just a ruse for Bruce to ask you out. Even without Barbara's confirmation, your own instincts told you that Bruce had an eye for you. "Mr. Wa- I mean um, Bruce.. I'd love to go to dinner with you—"

Joker's eye twitched even more. "—but I've been going through some things recently and I can't right now."

"Is it something serious Y/n? If there's anything I can help you with.." Bruce stressed over the line.

Why did he have to be such a gentleman?! Your heart did flips until you glanced at your temporary roommate. You didn't know that Joker's deadpan stare was a ticking time bomb.

Inside the madman's head, he was plotting a thousand deaths for Bruce Wayne. He already couldn't stand the pompous guy, but now Joker had an actual reason to hate the billionaire. And yet you were eating up his fake concern.

How were you going to explain your situation to Bruce?

I'm sorry! I can't go on a date with you because I have Joker, yes that Joker, staying inside my apartment. What's that? You're calling the police as we speak? Oh how thoughtful of you Bruce!

Yeah, sleep deprivation was making you more delusional than usual. Unfortunately you still had the real Bruce on the phone calling out your name in his kind, but worried tone.

"I'm here. I promise it's- it's nothing too serious. I just... " You panicked and met Joker's aloof jade eyes.

He blinked, offering you no help whatsoever. Your mouth hung open as your mind tried to drum up a plausible excuse and like always, you found a loophole and blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

"I adopted a stray cat!"

You could hear the crickets chirping. And God bless Bruce for being so understanding. He took it all in stride. "You adopted a cat?"

"Yes!" You all but screamed, "I found it badly injured out on the street one night and I've been nursing it back to health ever since! The poor thing was half drowned and malnourished! I've been trying to feed it and heal its hind leg as much as I can but the little thing has an attitude!" You could feel Joker's deadly stare stabbing you in the back.

He was smart enough to deduce he was the 'poor kitten' in your tale.

You continued fabricating your lie to Bruce. "I've never taken care of a cat before so I've been losing sleep these past few weeks on top of trying to save my contract. I have a metric I have to keep or my publisher could terminate my agreement. Writer's block, and a new roommate, oh Bruce will you ever forgive me?"

Smoothing things over with Wayne by poking fun at Joker's situation would not end well but it had to be done. Your life may very well be on the line after this phone call, but at least you had a chance with Gotham City's most eligible bachelor. It wouldn't amount to much if you were dead but, hey.

"That's very admirable of you, Y/n. Adopting a pet takes a lot of responsibility." Bruce mentioned over the phone.

"Thank you. It's definitely a challenge. He lashes out and hisses when I try to feed him and don't get me started on the attention seeking." You giggled.

It felt good to vent to someone even if it was half the truth. What Bruce didn't know wouldn't kill him. It could get you killed though.

"Well I can't say I blame him, Y/n. I would act out too to get your attention."

Alrighty this conversation was going places. You laughed and jumped off the couch. Pacing and or rambling was a habit of yours whenever you were flustered.

"I wouldn't say he's been acting out–" The long forgotten plate of food shattered on impact when Joker threw it on the floor.

You whirled around in shock only to find Joker, arms crossed on the couch, looking every bit the murderer he was. His narrowed eyes sent a clear message. He was no joke to be taken lightly.

"What was that Y/n?" You dragged your eyes from forest green and returned to your active call. "Oh nothing.. just more attention seeking... and another mess to clean."

"I will leave you to your parenting then." Thank goodness the call was wrapping up. "Y/n?" Bruce called.

"Y-Yes?"

"I meant what I said earlier. If you need help, I'm just a phone call away. Judging by how you answered the phone I take it you didn't save my number. I took care of a few strays in my time, so please. If you need me. Just call."

Now you felt absolutely guilty for lying to the guy. Why couldn't your life be normal and be able to say yes to Bruce?

He respected your hectic life for now but how long would you hold him off until the truth came out? You were acting on impulse but harboring a criminal would eventually have lasting consequences, either down the line or now. You had to tread carefully to keep you and your friends safe. So you mustered up your best carefree voice and responded.

"Thank you Bruce for your generosity! I promise after this situation dies down we can start on your biography. I've never backed down from writing a good story"

"And what a story it will be. Have a great rest of your day, Y/n." Bruce bid you goodbye and finally ended the call.

You locked your phone and blew out a long stream of air from your lungs.

You finally sorta kinda talked it out with Bruce just like Barbara had suggested.

Although you didn't tell him the whole truth, it was enough to get your dilemma across. You avoided another dinner date with the businessman and bought you some more time to think about if you liked Bruce the way he definitely liked you. Romance was the least of your worries right now.

Your living room was several degrees colder than before and the chill originated from behind you. It was time to face the music. With an audible gulp you turned to face your new roommate.

This was the version of Joker that Gotham feared. Up until now you didn't invoke his wrath. Okay. Maybe just a tad after breakfast, but nothing like this.

This Joker was silent, calculated, and vindictive in his pursuit to intimidate the helpless lamb in his sight. You being the lamb and he the roaring lion ready to devour all in his path.

You didn't understand why he was so angry in the first place. Did your analogy really offend him that much?

"Figures you'd be friends with that entitled, trust fund brat. Are you his squeeze of the week? Did I in-ter-rupt your late nighT booty call?" Joker sneered from the sofa."

"First things first, what's your problem breaking my stuff? That's the fifth plate you broke in less than twenty four hours! Second, you ain't got no right talking out your neck like that! You don't know a thing about Bruce and I, so dial back the rudeness!"

You glanced down at your lock screen. "Third, it's barely three pm. What late night are you referring to?"

If Joker could get up he would. This hindrance of a leg injury did not help maintain his reputation. He couldn't crowd your personal space and intimidate you and as a result, his words held no harmful power like he wished them to.

"Oh my dear Y/n... it's you who doesn't know a thing about Gotham's wannabe savior. What has he done for Gotham other than sign a check?"

"You seriously wanna go there? What has Bruce done for Gotham City? Lemme sit down because this is going to take a while naming just about everything he does! You don't see his impact because you're so busy being a terrorist!" You marched up behind your accent chair and glared daggers at Joker.

He was amused by your little rant. He also noted how you kept a respectable distance from him. Good, it seems you learned from last time not to underestimate him. He sat back to watch you pop off, however his cocky smirk disappeared the more you spoke.

"Have you ever thought about the extensive funds and resources it takes to clean up and begin reconstruction whenever you decide to blow up a hospital just for the fun of it? Bruce is so considerate and pays Gotham City's hefty property taxes, that you accumulate, because he's the only that can afford it! While you're out tormenting the streets, he's setting up foundation chapters and creating a better future for our youth, the same children you recruit for your gang. The books you claim to like are purchased from my publisher, by Bruce– and shipped out to charities for young teens to give them hope after you crush them."

"You leave deep, ugly scars on people and run away laughing when people, good people like Bruce, are forced to comfort the victims with empty words about justice and peace. It's an endless cycle, Joker! You are the reason this city will never heal. You and your desire to watch the world burn! Have you ever thought that maybe, just maybe there's people who want world peace? Who wants your reign of terror to end? Do you ever stop to think that there's people that like living?"

By the end of your rant you were wiping tears of frustration from your eyes.

Joker was finally hearing some of your philosophies about Gotham City. He wasn't a fan of the sappy dreams you had for its future.

He thought the two of you would share the same ideals and bond over the real injustice found in Gotham, like worthless people were in powerful positions or perhaps the broken system, but now he knew you were just another entitled citizen blinded by your wealth.

None of your washed-up views of Gotham entered his ears and seeing your tears soured Joker's mood.

He didn't know what came over him but his next question fell from his lips before he could think about the consequences.

"Do you like living, Y/n?" Joker asked.

You scoffed. "What kind of dumb question is that?"

His black face paint exaggerated his hooded eyes and highlighted his annoyed glare. "A simple one. Do you... li-ke living? You live alone. All you have is your laptop and your stories trapped inside that uhh, pretty little head of yours. You don't go out. What kind of life is that Y/n? Being cooped up inside this glamorous glass cage, looking down at the tiny people whose lives are much more exciting than yours?"

He clapped his hands together making you jump from the loud noise and it echoed throughout your suddenly too big apartment.

"So I'm askinggg... do you like living?" Joker grinned.

At last. Joker finally unlocked a side of you that even you didn't know existed.

He could see how his words resonated and struck deep based off of your watery eyes. Those large, expressive e/c orbs that he secretly liked. So bright and open, they were now clouded over with fat tears ready to fall at a moment's notice.

He expected you to yell back. To continue rearing your ugly head until you realized; you could be a monster too.

He predicted your anger to escalate from your feisty attitude that he knew you had. The way you handled yourself in his presence; either you were crazy or very bold, but you never failed in surprising him.

You didn't scream. You didn't retaliate.

You did the opposite of anger. You remained tight-lipped and remained frozen in place except for your balled up fist quivering at your side. This was not what Joker was expecting.

With a heart wrenching sob, you tucked tail and ran out the room. Joker was speechless as a door slamming afar off ended the heated scene.

Was that it? All the wait and buildup to finally see you snap yet he was met with a different type of unraveling. What a waste of time, he thought.

The corrupted city you so fiercely defended didn't hold a candle to the truth you portrayed in your books and Joker felt like you lied to him. His expectations of you being an educated scholar were thoroughly squashed after seeing the real you.

Joker chose to ignore how your close relationship with Wayne made him feel. He should feel indifferent towards you and your love life because you said it yourself. All he cared about was fire and gasoline with copious amounts of chaos mixed in for good measure.

You weren't wrong in your analysis but the way you read Joker like an open book irritated him. He was supposed to be shrouded in mystery, so how were you able to see right through him? Those eyes of yours weren't normal, you weren't normal.

You were brave for talking back to him and not backing down when he threatened you. But he couldn't brush this aside. No one made fun of him and got away with it. He was the clown. He pulled the pranks. He always got the last laugh.

However watching you run out the room crying, Joker didn't find his joke funny. Not. One. Bit.

The sun was setting over the horizon and from his perch on your couch, Joker could see the very people he rubbed in your face earlier, living out their lives.

Gotham never slept and as the street lamps lit up one by one with the fashion district also nearby, the city flickered to life in a sea of light.

Joker was at his peak after dusk but with the multiple naps taken today, they gave him an added burst of energy to run wild.

The tv was still playing the season finale reunion episode though he paid it no mind. His current objective was making it to the bathroom again. Joker thought about your words from earlier.

"--until those stitches are removed; you're my responsibility."

He couldn't forget your fiery words. You said them with such conviction he knew them to be true. But now he wasn't so sure.

You abandoned your patient, (granted the patient said harsh things to his nurse) and left him to ruin.

You knew pressure on his wound was bad and the bandages on his leg proved that point. A red stain bled through the gauze and Joker knew it would only get worse if he continued walking without your help. His pride was being tested and in the end he caved, calling out for you and hoping you would hear him. If you did, your feelings were still too sore to offer him aid.

He waited ten minutes and when you didn't appear with your bright sunny smile, (did he just admit he missed it?) Joker knew he was on his own.

Fine. He'd been alone for the majority of his life, what was another hour or so?

He was perfectly not fine with you staying in your room. When you weren't around, the weird feelings he had for you remained dormant. Although Joker needed assistance, he managed to make it to the bathroom without your help.

He was panting once he came out and shifted his gaze down the hallway to the black wooden door with a golden doorknob. Besides the bathroom, four other doors remained a mystery to him in the hallway.

One he knew led to your laundry room but the other two were unknown to him, but he took an educated guess that your bedroom was at the end of the hall.

It was too far for him to investigate and Joker reminded himself he didn't care about your feelings enough to check on you. With an annoyed grunt, he prepared himself for the walk back to the living room.

More brain rotting television was consumed as Joker wasted the rest of the night, lost in thought.

Were you coming out of your room anytime soon? Did he go too far in teasing you? Just what was it about you that made him act so unlike himself?

You had a way of confusing Joker. How could someone be feisty and demure? Smart yet scatterbrained? Annoying but easy to be around? You were something else, that's the only thing Joker could agree on. He wouldn't retract his words and he refused to apologize, but he really wanted you out of your room and back in the living room with him.

He didn't realize how soothing your fingers typing on your keyboard were until the silence without it buzzed loudly in his ears. The tv played on but there was something missing here and by the night's end, Joker vowed he would get it back.

Your emotions always got the better of you.

If you didn't sleep the night before, you became cranky and overall a bad person. It wasn't a good reflection of your character but after a nap, you would revert back to your bubbly self, ready to apologize to whomever you crossed during your cranky mood.

Only this time you weren't the one who lashed out. Your feelings were hurt. Joker attacked you with venomous words and the truth hit way too close to home for your sleep deprived mind to handle.

It hurt worse because he was right. You didn't live an exciting life and you didn't take the initiative to travel and explore it more.

You remained cooped up inside while longingly staring down at the people living below. You lived vicariously through the stories you created and any opportunity to make new friends, you immediately shut down. Bruce was begging you at this point to go on a date and you lied every time to avoid the interaction. The only person you could blame for your boring, lackluster life was yourself.

Did Joker have to poke at your insecurities, absolutely not, but he didn't know they existed so it wasn't entirely his fault.

You knew his nature. Cold, heartless and deliberately cruel. Anything that came out of Joker's mouth was bound to be hurtful. It was only a matter of time his barrage of words struck you down. And down is exactly how you felt.

Joker was naturally a curious person so you made sure to lock your bedroom door after you slammed it closed.

Hardly anyone came over besides Barbara and Dick, but they never stepped foot inside your bedroom.

You were extremely lucky to have an entire floor as your apartment but your bedroom was your true safe haven. In here you could escape the cruel world and be your true self. The rest of your apartment was bright, airy, and pristine. Your room was a stark contrast. The walls were painted pitch black with the ceiling painted as a mural of the moon and stars, complete with mood lighting.

A giant window overlooking the fashion district took up an entire wall and another was your floor to ceiling bookshelf, color coded of course.

Without a doubt the most expensive thing in your room was your Alaskan king bed imported directly from the "Last Frontier" state. It came with the apartment and you couldn't go back to a traditional king after rolling around the 108 x 108 inches every morning.

You had no reservations when you cannonballed onto dark silk sheets that welcomed you like an old friend. The one good thing about a high thread count was it absorbed tears without staining.

Time was lost as your tears disappeared into your mountain of pillows and with a click of a button, your curtains moved on a track to shield you from the Gotham nightlife view. You didn't want to see the very thing that caused your tears.

'Don't let Joker's words get to you. His job is hurt and destroy. He doesn't care about anything so you shouldn't let him drag you down.'

Your mental pep talk cheered you up enough to stop crying however your melanotic mood lingered.

You picked up this week's book club read from your nightstand and digested a few chapters but even a good book couldn't lift your spirits.

So you turned to your backup computer that you kept in your room. The shared word document had saved and transferred over onto this hard drive but you didn't feel like writing within your current mindset. If you were able to get any words out, it would be bogged down and tainted with negativity.

Your English teacher once told you 'never write when you're sad' and to this day you swore by her words.

You turned to your blog and social media accounts to pass the night away. For the past two days, your every thought revolved around Joker. You needed to detox and self care. He would be fine on his own for the rest of the night. You didn't want to think about him right now. A night of self care sounded like the best medicine right now.

You planned on drawing a bath and adding some essential oils and lighting a few candles to relax– not falling asleep before your self care routine could truly begin.

You watched a few beauty tutorials online and shopped around for a pick me up dress when your eyes started to close on their own. A fan mentioned you in a post and you wanted to reply, but you never got around to it. Before you knew it, your head hit the pillow and you were a goner.

Much needed rest was needed and your body soaked up every minute it could until you woke up naturally, yawning and patting the bed covers for your phone.

You thought you left in the living room with Joker but thankfully you found it on your nightstand glowing with a slew of notifications on the screen. You ignored them for now and read the time. It was a little after eleven pm and your stomach grumbled out wanting some attention from being neglected for so long. If you were hungry you knew Joker had to be as well. All you two had today was breakfast and a cheese plate. What kind of nurse abandons their patient?

You couldn't help it. Your health was just as important if you wanted to heal Joker but no amount of self care could erase him from your mind. You invited him into your home (and unknowingly in your head) so he was now your responsibility. No take backs.

'Just two weeks then you'll be free. Why did you volunteer for this Y/n?' You thought to yourself.

"Because in some twisted way it's the right thing to do. Ugh, I hate being an altruist."

You pulled the light throw blanket off your legs and stretched on the side of the bed. Despite the late hour, your room was lit by the artificial starry night on your ceiling and you used the light to maneuver around the room to the en-suite bath to fix your hair.

Bedhead was not cute. Not much could be done to the slightly matted mess but after a bit of fighting with a pick, you made it look presentable. You definitely had to style it again before bed.

The matching sweats you wore were wrinkled from sleep so you walked over to your closet to find something better to wear.

It was late in the evening and you really didn't feel like cooking something for you and Joker. Thankfully Gotham City never sleeps and it would be easy to find some street food from a nearby vendor or you could pick up some takeout to call it a night.

With the intention of going out in public, you donned some black fitted jeans and threw on a baggy hoodie before pairing it all with a denim jacket to shield you from any possible rain. A classic outfit with comfort in mind. You grabbed a pair of sneakers before facing your bedroom door.

Now you felt silly for your tantrum, you even locked the door!

Your emotions were all over the place but after catching up on some much needed sleep you were ready to be a member of society again. You weren't some recluse like Joker painted you out to be! Sure your life wasn't as action packed as others, or engaging enough to be on tv, but you were happy and that's all that mattered. You took a deep breath and turned the doorknob and stepped outside into the dark hallway.

Quiet. If your instincts didn't tell you Joker was still in the apartment, you would've thought the place was deserted.

No lights were on and all of the doors remained shut. It was odd how your own apartment felt foreign but nevertheless you cautiously walked towards the archway that separated the private rooms from the main apartment space.

The first thing that caught your eye was the raindrops on the windows that made up the far living room wall. Gotham and its constant rain. You might have to ditch your white sneakers for rain boots after all.

The TV area looked normal upon first glance. A commercial promoting A.C.E Chemicals jobs was on the screen and its flashing lights illuminated the living room and parts of your dining table.

Joker wasn't up so your heart calmed down. You might be in a better mood mentally but that didn't mean you were ready to socialize with the clown.

Your bag was still by the door where you left it. Your keys would most likely be inside your jacket from last night as well as your wallet. Just a brisk walk over and you could grab everything and walk out.

That is until Joker's voice instilled fear in your bloodstream. "And.... where are you going?"

Why did it feel like you were caught sneaking out the house by your parents? His voice held an authoritative, militaristic tone that you jumped to obey. You dropped your shoes and they clattered on the hardwood floor in the suddenly quiet apartment.

Joker had been awake for a while. He couldn't go back to sleep after you left.

The tv watched him as he thought about how to patch up the rocky relationship he had with you. Until you deemed him healthy, he was stuck here so he had to play the part of a helpless patient. He could do that. And the minute it was time to leave, he'd consider letting you live.

But first these ridiculous emotions you stirred up within him had to be eradicated. He would not be distracted by romance and lose sight of his goal.

That was his plan– yet you made him toss logic out the window. He heard your door open and he immediately honed his hearing on your every step.

You walked out into the main area and paused, no doubt wondering if he was awake. He stayed perfectly still on the couch in case you came over to look but when he heard you drift over to the front door he decided to announce that he was up. Were you seriously going out this late on your own?

You looked like a deer in headlights. The moonlight shined on your frozen figure as Joker turned around to see you properly.

Women changed outfits constantly just like their mood swings. He wondered what mood you were in now. Were you still mad? Upset? God, he didn't want to see your tears again. They did something to him that he didn't want to confess to yet..

You failed to reply and he grew impatient. "Well?" He urged. That jarred you back into focus.

Your e/c eyes blinked in the dark and you stumbled over your words. "I-I uh. I was um..."

You winced when Joker spoke over you, "Full sentences, Y/n."

"I was going to get us takeout!"

So there was some logic to your madness. It was still stupid. "Not at this hour, no you are noT." He fixed you with a stern look and you scoffed, looking away.

"Quit acting like somebody's daddy. The city is on a curfew so no one will be out anyways. The most dangerous criminal is currently sleeping on my couch, scolding me like a strict parent."

Yup, you were back to your bold, fearless self again. Joker wondered what you did for the past seven hours to get back in such a good mood.

"Where else am I supposed to sleep bunny? With you?" You saw his grin backlit by the bright tv light, making you roll your eyes. You really hoped that nickname didn't stick.

"I have a spare bedroom Joker." You stated. And so one of the mystery doors in the hallway was revealed.

"I didn't know."

"You don't know a lot of things because you don't ask." You sighed and scratched your natural hair. Just talking to Joker zapped the energy you had stored up to grab dinner. "Are you even hungry?"

He used that universal huff of his and you translated it as a no this time.

"Great, because I don't feel like going out anymore."

You shrugged out of your denim jacket and tossed it onto one of the dining room chairs before walking towards Joker. "Let's move you to a proper bed, how does that sound?"

Absolutely divine. "Can you carry me?" He whined when you came closer. Joker was such a man-child. You couldn't help but giggle at his pouty lip, stained a deep red from his makeup.

You grabbed the remote and turned the tv off, plunging the apartment into darkness, save for the moonlight shining in from the windows.

You swore Joker's eyes glowed with their intensity. They were two green spotlights in a void of black and you shook your head in order to stop staring.

"I am not carrying you, Joker. We'll make it there slow and steady just like we've been doing. Do you need to use the bathroom while we're up?" You asked.

He stood on his own and towered over you. And for a moment he became lost in your beauty.

The way the moonlight bounced off your h/c and twinkled off your bright e/c stole his breath. His mission, his desire to watch Gotham burn, was a distant memory whenever he locked eyes with you. He didn't like that.

He pushed past you and made it a few paces before you caught up to him and offered your body to lean on. "I went to the bathroom on my own during your uhh, mini tantrum. I have a won-der-ful nurse."

"You don't have to rub it in... I'm sorry."

Joker sighed and left it at that. He got an apology from you. You were back in a good mood after all.

That should've been enough for these strange feelings of his to quell yet they still bubbled in the background, waiting for something else. If only he could determine what they wanted and be free of this burden! You were a walking headache but he couldn't get rid of you, at least not yet.

You filed that information for later. Joker could walk on his own but with the way he worded it, it didn't sound like an easy task and after passing the kitchen towards the hallway, you picked up on Joker's labored breathing.

Correction: he couldn't walk alone yet.

You cast him a worried glance when you stopped at the door down the hall from your room. Almost all of Joker's weight was resting on your side and he looked in pain. He needed to be off his feet, fast. A gust of cool air hit you both when the door swung open.

If Joker wasn't dizzy he would've admired another tastefully decorated room of yours.

Ironically this theme was the apartment's standard cool neutrals with green being the main color. The original hardwood floors continued throughout the apartment and a giant vegan cowhide rug lay out on the floor of this spacious room. A medium sized leather couch and two chairs, one slate grey the other a deep sage, sat in the corner in front of an electric fireplace overlooking another great view of Grant Park. Windows were another standard in this high-rise, another perk for scoring the penthouse.

Above the fireplace was a signed piece of art depicting a scene from Will Hunter Bill from a talented fan. It brought the room together and gained a lot of likes on social media when you posted it. But neither of you were focused on the decorations. Joker's eyelids were falling, making you worry and you tripped up trying to guide him to the bed.

Fate had a funny way of putting you in these situations. You met Joker by bumping into him and once again your clumsiness got the better of you, dragging Joker down with you.

Your back hit the bed followed by the heavy weight of Joker landing on top of you. For someone so tall and lanky, his full body weight knocked the air out your lungs.

"J-Joker! C-can't.. breathe..!"

It took him a moment to come to. He felt your hands trying and failing to push him off of you. "You're talking Y/n, soooo you can breathe." Joker mumbled in the crook of your neck.

This heavy, arrogant motherfu.... Fine. Two could play this game. You took a deep breath and wigged your arms free.

"Quit movin' bunny."

"Then.. get off.. of me!"

Joker snorted and the gust of air tickled your neck. "You can't lie and say you hate it. Give me a minute and I'll uh.. think about moving." Just to tease you more, he nuzzled your throat with his nose and your soul left your body then and there.

Thankfully it was dark in the room so he couldn't see the maroon flush dusting your cheeks. Joker knew how to mess with you but this time you wouldn't fall for his tricks. Yet your mind wandered.

It wasn't a bad situation to be in. You'd been in far worse, however your mind was screaming a mantra of 'he's too close! He's way too close' and your more logical brain happened to agree.

"W-Wait, what do you mean you'll think about moving? I will not be trapped under you tonight! Get. Off!" You tried moving Joker again but it was like pushing a mountain.

Joker was having way too much fun. He chuckled and swatted your arms that were trying to push him off.

Why couldn't you lie still and let the man rest for a bit? Your couch wasn't the most comfiest thing in the world and it had been ages since Joker laid in a real bed with proper cushioning and even longer with someone. You were so warm, he found himself dozing off if not for you squirming underneath him so provocatively.

"Y/n. Be still." He warned.

Of course, you ignored him so he spoke up before you did. "I can'T move, gunshot wound remember? Be a good girl and stay still and I'll move when the room stops... spinning."

And just like that you ceased all movement.

Your face was burning up at this point. White noise buzzed in your ear and you had lost all feeling in your legs. It wasn't Joker's actual words that made you stop but the meaning behind them. Your brain turned into a record player playing his words back on repeat.

'Be a good girl..' It was official, you were a goner.

Time ticked away as you watched the rain beat against the windows as you waited for Joker to get up. Your mind was in a haze and you didn't feel Joker shift or hear him call out your name. However you did feel when he cupped your face.

Your breath caught in your throat and your eyes quickly locked onto Joker's.

Up close you could see lighter shades of green swirling within the overall forest hue. His hand was clammy but his thumb felt like a branding iron swiping along your lower lip. Joker never felt anything softer. Even in the dim moonlight, he was transfixed on the natural pink tissue calling out to him.

He forgot what he had asked you. He forgot his own name really. The only thought on his mind was what your lips would feel like. He wanted to find out. He would find out.

A gravitational pull brought him closer and closer to his next conquest; until you picked up the energy in the room.

Everything slowed down frame by frame. Your eyes widened right as Joker closed his. A lock of his green hair fell and tickled your forehead with how close the Prince of Crime was. You noticed it was a beautiful shade of brown and the ends themselves were dyed his signature green.

You always wanted to dye your hair but never mustered up the energy to commit to the upkeep. Thousands of other insignificant thoughts floated inside your head as Joker closed the distance between you and him. In the last centimeter your brain whirled back to life.

Your palm slapped over his mouth and some unknown energy helped you finally push Joker off of you.

And like a freight train, time slammed back into motion with brutal force. You were already at the door before Joker could process what happened.

"There's an en-suite bathroom if you need anything I'll be down the hall goodnight!" Your words were all in one sentence by your heavy breathing.

You needed air, you needed to get out of this stuffy room. Now. Before anything else happened.

Joker had rolled onto his side and opened his mouth to question what went wrong but you had already sped out of the room and down the hall, disappearing into your own. He saw a flash of black paint before you closed the door with a finalizing slam.

Your back was against the door and you were trying to calm your racing heart. Joker... almost kissed you! It felt like a fever dream, you couldn't believe it but it happened.

It was real! And the perfect lipstick print on your palm confirmed it.

#ledger joker #ledger joker x reader #reader insert #black!fem!reader #batman #dc comics #smut #joker smut #slow burn #yandere #romance #joker x y/n #a03 writer #cross posted on wattpad #cross posted on AO3 #his lighthouse

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papercraneswemade · 2 years

Text

Weekend Mornings Headcanons (Part 2)

Part 1: here

Part 3: here

Part 4: here

Fade

Due to her nightmares, she often find it hard to sleep. After all, her nightmares would eat people alive, and unfortunately that includes her. That all changed after she got to know you. The first time she got a full sleep, she woke up suprised but didn't make a noise because you seemed so peaceful.

You actually woke up first, but seeing Fade's calm face you snuggled closer and went back to sleep.

She prefers to be the big spoon, however she won't mind being the little spoon (you'd wake up with her spooning you, though). If she wakes up first, she caresses your hair, whispering, "good morning, tatlım." You'd reply with calling her a pet name from your country.

Will get up and make tea. If you prefer tea, she will prepare a pot to bring to your room, however, if you prefer coffee, she would just prepare some coffee powder, sugar, and hot water to bring to you. I feel like she's the type to cook you turkish breakfast on the weekends cause you both have nothing to do.

Even though her Prowler is a monster, it behaves like a cat to you. Sometimes it would sit on your lap and your hand would instantly start to pat him. It would purr, but when it became sleepy, her Prowler would hop off bed and sleep next to Fade. On weekends though, her Prowler would squish your face with it's own to wake you up.

Jett

An absolute cuddlebug. This gets worse on weekends because she's cuddling you while you're awake. She squeezed you tightly once and you were suffocating you had to tap her arms. Apologizes by peppering your face with light kisses in the morning.

You both equally smack each other in the face while you sleep. Jett does it more, once she did it on purpose cause you kept stealing the blanket.

You love running your hand on her hair when it's loose. The first thing she does in the morning is to tie her hair so you don't get a lot of chance to see it. On weekends, though, she stays in bed a little longer and likes it when your fingers massage her scalp. When you lift your hand up she instantly pulls it back down to her head again, demanding more.

She keeps you in bed for 5 more minutes, no energy to walk outside and grab breakfast. 5 minutes turn to 10, 10 turns to an hour, and you both finally get out of bed once you have to pee.

Doesn't want to do any ounce of practice on weekends, including throwing her favorite knives. "It's Saturday! I have a date," she says as she drags you to a new cafe/bakery to have breakfast or brunch.

Kay/O

No headcanons in bed for this bad boy :(. However, he would set a timer to activate himself back on in the morning, and when he wakes up, he often pass by you so it became a habit to walk to the kitchen together.

When you started seeing each other, he would walk you to your room, and sometimes wait for you to fall asleep before going to his work room to deactivate for the day.

He doesn't even eat or drink so he's walking with you to the kitchen simply because he enjoys your presence. He rarely gets to do this on weekdays because he'd be dragged to target practice by Phoenix, so he treasures moments like these with you, even if it's only on the weekends.

Would ask if you have any plans for the day, and if you have hobbies you'd like to do (knitting, gardening, etc) he would offer his company, to which you gladly accept. He would just sit around and talk about his life before joining VP, and he'd ask you about your home country.

He probably has a self-heating function and uses that to warm up your bed before you go to sleep.

Killjoy

You'd go to bed first because she's still typing her notes down. Then you wake up at 2 a.m and found her hunched form still busying typing on the keyboard, occasionally muttering a curse in German. You drag her to bed and demanded she rest, to which she just sighed and complied.

Since you went to bed first you're the one who woke up first. You left her in bed alone since KJ hates being interrupted when she's sleeping (except by you), but you still don't want to bother her.

You'll go to the kitchen to make some breakfast (usually simple, but if you're not lazy you'll make her something special) and when you came back she would still be asleep. You smile at her sleeping form, usually on weekdays she would already be up and creating new gadgets.

You wake her up by shaking her gently. Yhe breakfast tray would be sitting aside as she automatically hugs your waist and tells you, "30 more minutes, love," and goes back to sleep. You gave her 10 since the breakfast is going to be cold.

After breakfast she would ask you to play video games all day together and you'd switch games every few hours (you start from something relaxing like Animal Crossing then something heavy like Elden Ring, though you're content with just watching her).

Neon

You had the idea of waking her up by jumping on the bed and yelling, "wake up, sleepyhead!" and got zapped. She would fuss over you while you keep telling her you're fine (throughout the day you'd occasionally feel a little zap in your body, though)

As an apology for zapping you, she told you to stay in bed while she prepared breakfast. Would probably cook you traditional Filipino food if she's up to it, but if she's feeling lazy then eggs and sausage would do.

She's definitely a coffee lover, iced one at that. So if you like iced coffee for breakfast too, she would make two glasses. If you don't like coffee, then she'll just make a cup of whatever you'd like (calls you "kiddie" when you said you prefer juice for breakfast).

When she recently joined the VP she would have practice with Reyna and Sage until noon (yes, Saturdays included), so if you guys have a relationship during that time she would drop off your breakfast and kiss you on the forehead and go to training. Or you both would hang out in the kitchen eating breakfast together there and when she's done she'll ask you to wash her plate (and you happily agree because she was the one who cooked breakfast so it seemed fair).

But one day, Sage decided to be merciful (and Reyna just shrugged, more free time for her) and gave Neon a Saturday off, and you spend the morning by face-timing her family and cuddle in bed together.

#valorant x reader #valorant imagines #valorant headcanons #valorant #fade x reader #jett x reader #kay/o x reader #killjoy x reader #neon x reader

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dangerously-human · 6 months

Text

I was tagged by @alyss-mainwarning for a song shuffle game (I always enjoy these!). Putting in a separate post instead of reblogging because I'm old-fashioned, and I think it's just easier to navigate.

rules: shuffle your “on repeat” playlist and post the first 10 tracks, then tag 10 people

I think we're probably not surprised at this point that it's pretty much all stuff off Ghostbustin' With the Buds, right?

Fairlies - Grian Chatten: Contribution from @womaninwinter's sickos playlist and it's a great THB sound from LW's self-denial POV, especially "Do you miss the days before hope knocked on your door? But you went and fell in love, and into love you fell, and it made you feel unwell, oh well" (Ah. Ow.)

House a Habit - We Are the Guests: I can't remember whose playlist I got this off of, but wow, VERY Lucy leaving vibes, especially the way the narration goes back and forth between the man and woman singing in the second verse. But seriously, this is just painfully on the nose, with lines like "I don't know if I should stay or should I go, he told me this house would always be our home… Everyone tells me to just stay the same, but it's not like that, no it's not like that, oh, tell me someone's out there listening to me 'cause I wanna know that like I wanna know you, oh, stay with me… Everyone tells me you're fine, don't be in love, let's make this house a habit… Oh please don't imagine a life without me, at least not yet, this house is a habit and it's lovely to live in it… This head is a hospital, someone please tend to it" (!!!)

Waking Up - We the Kingdom: I've talked about this one before multiple times, the victorious declaration of returning from the Other Side ("I am alive in the land of the living") as well as something that captures my own healing after the depression years.

Summerland - half•alive: Captures the temporary elation of the warmer months in a way I think vibes well with how Lucy describes that season for the Portland Row trio, the way it's the cycle of it all that even makes it meaningful, and the hope of it all in the ups and downs! "Whatever ain't golden now will only come back around." I'm particularly attached to this for the unseen summer between TCS and TEG. (Also this has been stuck in my head for at least the last week.)

Hot Tea - half•alive: Freaking cute Locklyle vibes! Especially fitting considering all the waxing eloquent about the comforts of good hot tea in these books. "Hold you in my hands like hot tea, knowing I'm safe 'cause you want me," the adopted feral cat energy, it's perfect.

Tip Toes - half•alive: Okay well, I guess this answers the question of what artist is most represented in my L&Co playlist. 😆 (They're actually in second place for that distinction, it's just that I'm also new to their music and so least likely to skip.) This song is SO Lockwood coded, especially the way his desire to make his family name immortal can blur the lines into pride, even the misplaced sacrificial nature and the way he needs to frequently reassess his priorities as a leader. "I'm on my tiptoes, trying to see past my ego, reaching for something more than this feeling of being important, leaving my hear behind is bleeding, but still my pride is screaming, my future will listen to me, will I always know this divide, living most of this war inside, take the ghost of me with the tide to die and release my heart to come alive" - like!!!

Dancing in the Minefields - Andrew Peterson: Used very recently for fanfic title purposes (That's What the Promise Is For), this one just screams Locklyle, married young and facing life's challenges together and helping each other remember the light in the world when the dark closes in. Literally could quote the entire thing for them and struggled not to when I posted the fic, so to choose something I didn't put there, can we just all shriek about that third verse/bridge, especially "So there's nothing left to fear, so I'll walk with you in the shadowlands till the shadows disappear, 'cause he promised not to leave us and his promises are true, so in the face of all this chaos, baby I can dance with you," together?

still feel - half•alive: At any given time having exclamation point variety thoughts about these lyrics, especially as applied to Lockwood, or Kipps, or tbh just broadly across this series. "To realize the hand of life is reaching out, to rid me of my pride I call allegiance to myself… Oh I am not a slave, can't be contained, so pick me from the dark and pull me from the grave, 'cause I still feel alive, when it's hopeless, I start to notice, oh, and I still feel alive" I AM FEELING THINGS!!

Out of the Dark - Tritonal, EMME: I've had this one on repeat while driving a lot lately, it's a great sound, and also a very fun Locklyle song post-THB. Obviously "I know you're scared of diving deep, afraid of what's just out of reach… Sometimes the weight's too much to carry, when it gets heavy, feels like everything's falling apart, so unsteady, you'll be the light to get out of the dark" is delightful imagery for our beloved burdened ghostbusting duo, but also the dual meaning of "There's an end in sight, just hold on tight, you'll make it to the other side" is chef's kiss, they're going to make it to their hash-it-out conversation on the Other Side in TCS and also make it to the other side of the dark in terms of emotional context and setting. Obsessed.

Twenty Something - Nightly: I've already said a few times this is my best inspiration for writing introspective angst lately, used for a Fringe WIP in addition to being on repeat for the writing of Living With the Ghost of You, especially the Lockwood POV chapter. The lyrics are only right at a slant but the vibe is perfect.

I just did one of these so I'm not going to tag anyone this round, but if you happen across this and want to join in, please do say I tagged you!

#personal #lockwood & co

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lancrewizzard · 1 year

Text

More Post-Interesting Times AU Rinceflower

"It's no use," Rincewind said. "I'm no good at being calm and happy. Running away and worrying are what I'm good at."

"Then maybe it's time to see what life is like when you're not worried."

"Over!" Rincewind snapped. "Panic keeps you alive; calm is dangerous."

Twoflower sighed inwardly and tried to mould the idea into a shape that would fit inside Rincewind's head. "Have you ever considered that if you didn't waste so much time worrying about what might happen, you'd have more energy to deal with the things that do happen?"

Rincewind frowned but didn't argue. "Interesting hypothetical. Do go on."

"Well, when I found you after the battle, you spent half the walk back to the palace coming up with various terrible things that might happen to you."

"And then Lord Hong jumped out and put a knife to my throat!"

"And did the worry help?"

"Eh?" Rincewind blinked.

"Did it help?" Twoflower repeated patiently. "Did worrying help you spot him in time? Or blunt his knife? Maybe it distracted him at just the right moment for Cohen to jump in and save the day?"

"Of course not, don't be ridiculous!"

"Then what good does it actually do?"

Rincewind opened and closed his mouth silently in the face of Twoflower's triumphant little smile until he retorted with, "I get a certain satisfaction knowing that I was right when everything invariably blows up in my face."

"Is that really worth it?"

"It doesn't matter. Something dreadful is still going to happen anyway."

"If that really is inevitable - and I don't at all believe that it is -" Twoflower held up a hand to forestall Rincewind's arguments. "Then why not try to enjoy the time between disasters?"

"Because that would make things worse!" Rincewind blurted out, far louder than intended.

"Can you tell me why you said that?" Twoflower said carefully.

A warm hand reached for his own. Rincewind took it as long buried memories bubbled up and spilled out.

"Because the happiest day of my life was when I was accepted to UU, and two months later my grandad was dead. Then I turned out to be so bad at magic I'd probably have been kicked out anyway. 'Course the Octavo business saw to that anyway. And years later I met the only person who'd ever really believed in me, and I nearly died every bloody week with you. We saved the world together," he said quietly. "And then you left."

Twoflower let out a long breath. He reached an arm around him slowly, as if going to pet a skittish cat. Rincewind didn't do much lean in as collapse against him.

"I understand if you want to go back to Ankh-Morpork. I wouldn't stop you. You deserve to be happy. But I was hoping that maybe you could be happy here? With me?"

Rincewind blinked hard. "Alright." He cleared his throat. "I don't plan on leaving any time soon - or at all, now. So if nothing awful happens I'll try this toothed-wheel-at-night, there's-a-bean, if it'll make you happy."

"Cognitive therapy," Twoflower corrected his pronunciation. "It's about teaching you to be kinder to yourself, to stop your thoughts getting all tied up over things. And if you could do that, you'd make me the happiest man on the disc."

He leaned in for a kiss. Rincewind's lips met his halfway without even his token grumble.

Even if Rincewind was right, whatever was in the future, they'd face it together.

#and in today's episode of Rowan Processes Events Through The Medium Of Rincewind Fic: another round of therapy I pray will help #rinceflower #disc fic #had to try my own echo-gnomics for cbt. I think it worked okay

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paintedvanilla · 8 months

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Hi! Sorry if you’ve already answered this, but what inspired your takes on Jack’s extended family in your fics?

hi!! sorry it took me so long to answer this ask, i was going to wait to answer it until i finished my most recent fic, but then i posted that and i just. didn't have the energy. so!! hi!!

i don't really have a specific source of inspiration for my choices about the narrator's extended family. i've always enjoyed writing ensemble stuff. i think my decisions for the narrator's family dynamics were based on my own interpretations of his characterization and influenced by my own biases and probably other various subconscious trains of thought happening in my brain. but nevertheless here's a breakdown of each decision!!

his mother: the narrator was raised by a single mom from the age of six onward, that much is obvious from the source material. i mostly work off of the film, because i've watched it so many times its details are more readily available for me to recall. i get the sense that his mom is no nonsense but also a bit of a pushover when she doesn't feel like putting up a fight, which is often. she was not the most attentive but that's not entirely fair to say because she was a single mom. i think the narrator's family was quite poor growing up, especially once his dad left, and she was working to support him and his sister. i think she's relatively soft spoken and quite reserved.

his father: obviously for this one i had way more of a base to work with, just based on the way the narrator talks about his dad in the film and the book. he's an asshole. he doesn't really give a fuck about the narrator. i do believe the narrator and his sister were this man's first kids. he did not marry their mother. he's never married any of the women he gets involved with. i think he's a scumbag. the narrator is, actually, genuinely, his only son. all his other kids are girls, which i think plays a huge factor in when he skips town. it has to do both with when the woman he's involved with starts to become boring to him, and when the oldest daughter he's fathered from this particular woman starts to like. become conscious and develop a personality. The whole:

"Often father and daughter look down on mother (woman) together. They exchange meaningful glances when she misses a point. They agree that she is not bright as they are, cannot reason as they do. This collusion does not save the daughter from the mother’s fate."

the sister: i chose for the narrator to have a sister, particularly an older sister, because i examined his character and something about me just led me to the conclusion that he FEELS like a younger brother to an older sister. she's about two years older than him. she's really good at pretending to enjoy herself. where the narrator utilizes apathy as a coping mechanism for the Everything about being alive, his sister swings hard in the other direction and uses enthusiasm and toxic positivity. i have more i'd like to explore with her, i think she definitely has the capacity to be more insane, and i think the narrator would love to see that. they have a relationship where, as soon as she was old enough to talk endlessly about any given subject, she would use the narrator as an audience. especially when they were teenagers. she could talk at him for hours while he sat in silence and afterwards she'd be like, "ok good talk" and he'd just give her a thumbs up. he knows she'll be back, same time tomorrow. it doesn't bother him. and i think he does listen, sometimes, halfway, he retains some of the details. after he moved for his job, she would call him and continue to do the same thing, and he didn't mind because he doesn't have a lot else going on. he doesn't have any friends. no one else is calling him. she stopped doing it after she got married because now she had a husband to subject to this, but now that she's getting divorced i think the narrator will be hearing from her more. also, he walked her down the aisle at her wedding. and five minutes before he did this, he told her that if she didn't want to go through with it, he'd help her leave her fiance at the alter. she played it off like he was making a bad joke, but he was being 100% dead serious.

the brother-in-law: i made the decision for the brother in law to just be fucking. lame. because i thought it would be funny if the narrator's sister is married to just like. the pinnacle of everything the narrator never wants to be. like, the narrator is also lame, but at least the narrator is having good sex and is getting the shit beat out of him on the regular and doesn't actually believe in any of the mission statements of his company. the bil is like the polar opposite of tyler, and the narrator thinks no one should settle for less. he's always hated his bil, has a vague inclination that his sister deserves better, but is still consumed by apathy so has never really done anything about it.

the nephew: the nephew is probably the least developed out of everyone here, which is really ironic because my idea for his character is basically that. he has a lot of the same ambitions that the narrator and his sister originally had, but is putting more of the sister's energy into it. that is, until he gets to college and completely fucking spins out. he drops out after one semester and becomes addicted to smoking weed. he'd be a walking panic attack otherwise. i think he made himself so sick about what he wanted to do with his life he just gave up. now he works at a smoke shop and is almost always high.

the niece, aka danny: i have to thank @rabbitmotifs for really pushing me into developing this little menace. when i first wrote "the idolatry of suburbia" i wanted to keep everything really light and vague because i was not ready to come to terms with the fact that these are technically oc's. but holly really pushed me into evolving danny's personality until i was eventually brave enough to pick out a name for her and employ it. you can fit so much lore into this kid. danny thinks her uncles hung the fucking moon, tyler durden is her favorite person in the universe, even after he snapped at her in my most recent fic. danny definitely has more inclinations towards batshit insane behavior and she indulges them without really questioning them, so when she's with her uncles she doesn't feel ostracized for just being herself. she loves these men. and she's definitely got some gender things going on. if you see her emulating tyler's portrayals of masculinity, no you didn't (she'll get embarrassed).

and as an extra special bonus, tyler's people:

tyler's mom aka mable durden: listen i was really pondering my orb for this one and it just came to me like a fucking premonition. i disregard everything tyler says in the movie about "his" family, i think these are just projections of the narrator's relationships, so tyler is practically a blank slate. and the idea that tyler never knew his father at all, that he was abusive towards his mother so she left him before he was even born, that durden is his mother's maiden name?? oh that shit made me fucking bonkers. i didn't know how to handle it when the thought first occurred to me. tyler gets ALL his mannerisms from his mother, he siphoned like his whole personality off of her. she's The cigarette mom of all time. i think she could be very mean, but it's because she was over worked and poor and dead fucking tired all the time. she loved tyler a lot. she was the type who interpreted "physical affection with your kids" as "roughhousing" and this obviously influenced tyler in many many ways. she's the reason the way he shows love and affection is not through words but through actions and physical affection. she's also the reason he's addicted to nicotine. and i do believe she was a chronic complainer of her son being taller than her.

sam: ok i'll be totally completely honest i read "the parts of your hand grenade heart" by @grave-the-demon and i was BOMBARDED with the "tyler having a sister" spores. i added sam into my draft of "every man you've ever been" VERY late in the writing process. but i didn't want to just. steal the dynamic away from grace so i changed my answer a little bit so i wouldn't be accused of plagiarism. sam is like a sister to tyler. she's going to be his friend for his entire life, but he does not have such a connection to her that he can remain stationary for her. he'd only stay still in one spot for two people: his mother and the narrator. also, i need everyone to understand that sam is like. really hot. like she's so fucking strong and super fucking sexy in a Gay Woman type of way but the narrator has never been attracted to women a day in his life so he just doesn't perceive her as attractive so it never gets stated in the text. but please know this.

i'll be honest, i made the decision when writing "the idolatry of suburbia" to give the sister one boy and one girl because i didn't want the narrator to refer to anyone other than by their identifiers: my mom, my sister, my brother-in-law, my niece, my nephew. this continues in "every man you've ever been" whereas all the characters introduced in relation to tyler are given real names: mable durden, samantha hanes. and in "see me on the eight o'clock news" danny is only given a name when sam points out the presence of a relationship between her and tyler. sam mentions that danny seems more related to tyler than to the narrator, asks for her name, and it is immediately stated. prior, even in that fic, the narrator had only referred to her as "my niece" because i'm a creative writing student and i need to be playing 8D chess all the time.

anyway, that's my little spiel. thank you for coming to my ted talk.

#op #anon #fight club

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