#learning to be an adult

[charismaticmegafaunas]

Friendship in adulthood is so much harder. Like we’ve gotta go to a second location? Schedule months in advance? Just come over I found a cool rock and I’m makin Mac and cheese

#friendship #learning to be an adult #it is hard #I yearn #for simpler #communication

[maddie-grove]

As someone who’s living with a middle school social studies teacher, all the posts along the lines of “why did we never learn about this historical event in school” just make me go “because your teacher was supposed to cover all of US history in one year, and they didn’t get to the Revolutionary War until Halloween because they were urged to slow down the progression of the lessons because a more senior teacher was running behind, and they didn’t get to the Civil War until Valentine’s Day because the school kept scheduling every special event during social studies because there’s no end-of-grade testing for that subject, and they didn’t get to WWI until May because they were sick for a few days and the substitute couldn’t do much more than babysit, and now they’re having to do the entire Cold War in two days, so that’s why you didn’t hear about the lesbian inventor of the circus peanut. They would have loved to tell you about the lesbian inventor of the circus peanut!”

#this is us-specific obviously #the thing about history is that no class can cover everything #and you can continue learning about it as an adult really easily #I had one shitty history teacher (bizarrely paranoid about communism and also very boring and he let jordyn l. bully me) #but the rest were good

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[beybuniki]

romantic bakudeku for a kofi request ^-^

#i need to add lore i can't leave it uncommented #i don't think they'd go on a date in their teens so they're supposed to be like 23 here yeah bakugo still looks like a baby #he has a round face it is what ot ssssss #i think deku asks him out but like after years of talking things out and learning to rlly trust each other even after fucking up again and #again #and this time as adults with adult consequences that's so scary #bnha #deku #midoriya izuku #bakugo katsuki #bakudeku #bakugo looks pissed sorry hes shyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy and an earth sign #my art

[meltesh28]

just need to get it out of my system.. ruan mei in cheongsam...

#ruan mei #honkai star rail #hsr #阮梅 #waiting for the day hyv execs learn that theres more to sexiness than revealing skin #AND that adult fem charas don't have to be sexy to be appealing bro like theres a whole world out there #they just keep coming up with fun interesting intriguing concepts for fem charas and then fumbling it with the visual design

[ionomycin]

My favorite pieces this year

#artists on tumblr #thank you so much for another year #as long as i can keep doing art #i'm super grateful #got to work on some cool projects #tried to push myself to socialize more #it's hard #super mega hard #but i met a few new people and made friends i think?? #got to play d&d finally #trying to learn how to make friends as an adult lmao #after just focusing on drawing my whole life #shoutout to my plants as well #holding together my mental health through the winter #it's my 3rd christmas in germany #glad to spend another one with my partner in gay

[nerdpoe]

Jason Todd is stealing the tires off of the Batmobile, when a man walks up on him doing it.

The man stares at him, nods, and just says "I'll keep a look out, man, go go go!"

So Jason does, and he gets all four tires with the man's help.

The man introduces himself as Danny Foley, and asks Jason if he wants to go get some burgers.

Danny, meanwhile, has decided that yes. This is the child he will adopt. He just has to convince the kid of that.

Batman has to call in Alfred to bring around his backup vehicle with spare tires, and little Timmy gets some wonderful shots of Batman having to replace his own tires.

@simplestoryteller

#dpxdc #dcxdp #dp x dc #dc x dp #story prompt #phanfic #i prefer the eternal trio #sam and tucker are already waiting at Batburger when Danny comes in with a tiny Jason #they take it in stride #all adult minds went to the same result #“we must adopt this chaos child” #the conversation goes like #“stole the tires off the batmobile you say? nice.” #“are u sure that you'll get the proper price amount for them? do you want me to come along to make sure you do?” #“I can teach you how to evade authorities really well. Like REALLY well. wanna learn?” #Also fuckin batman finding out about tim way sooner #because he heard tim giggling #but he decided to let it slide cuz that's just a kid having some fun #he can always get more tires

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Get Their Ass.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #jin ling #jin chan #Yeah that's right. This guy is a named character. All those nameless disciples in the yi city arc and *this* guy gets a name. #Jin ling finally gets his much needed outfit upgrade! Rest in peace double straps. #I adore how we get to keep learning about Jin Ling and peeling back the layers on him...It's also so sad to see him so alone and friendless #especially knowing he really was starting to build peer friendships in the yi city arc... #Jin ling really is one of my top 5 characters in MDZS and its absolutely in part because of how you can *see* how he ended up this way #and we watch him learn and grow! He's doing what most adults refuse to do: Consider that his opinions are skewed and need to change. #You are NOT immune to propaganda and I adore characters who reflect and struggle with that! #Just because someone with assumed authority says something that fits into what you want to be true does not make it true B*/ #In this series about rumours and warped perspectives - Jin Ling is a great example of how hard you have to work for the truth #+1 points of friendship with jin ling: He will self correct himself if he says a slur now

[darkwood-sleddog]

My guys. the fact that so many of you are reblogging my post about Justice Thomas's desire to overturn Lawrence with exclamations of "how???" and with such lack of knowledge of our past is really disconcerting.

Gay sex was illegal federally in the United States until 2003 (when Lawrence was ruled on). Before Lawrence many MANY states had "Sodomy Laws" that prohibited gay sex within the state itself and criminalized homosexuality, often using targeting words like "pervert" to describe gay men much the way conservatives talk of "grooming" today. In fact prior to 1962 homosexual sex, as well as certain types of consensual sex acts between differently gendered couples, was a felony with the cost being lengthy jail time and/or hard labor. As of April 2022 14 states have STILL not repealed their sodomy laws. Keep that in mind.

In this last week of Pride month i am BEGGING you. LEARN SOME LGBTQ+ History. The history of your rights, your lack of rights, how recent it all is, how unstable your rights are RIGHT NOW. So many of what should now be our elders were killed during the AIDS Crisis. It is now up to you to learn these things yourself.

Wikipedia Article on LGBT History in the United States

LGBTQ Rights Timeline in America

#not dogs #lgbtq+ #pride month #lawrence #roe v wade #queer history #lgbt history #seriously people you NEED to learn our past #14 states still have sodomy laws and justice thomas's desire to overturn lawrence should CONCERN YOU #i realize some of your are full ass adults that were born after lawrence but even 1962 is NOT LONG AGO AT ALL

[always-reading-fantasy]

Fuck all love letters except whatever Cardan Greenbriar had going on when he wrote “my heart is buried with you in the strange soil of the mortal world, as it was drowned with you in the cold waters of the undersea. it was yours before i could admit it, and yours it shall ever remain”

#cardan greenbriar #jurdan #jude cardan #tfota #the folk of the air #holly black #enemies to lovers #young adult #books #book tumblr #the cruel prince #the wicked king #the queen of nothing #how the king of elfhame learned to hate stories #elfhame #high king of elfhame #high king cardan

[hsinnii]

accommodations i’ve had approved as an autistic college student

helloooo today i finally had a meeting with the disability office and have accommodations after 2 years of being in college without them. im autistic and have cptsd/dissociative issues and had a hard time finding what was even available to me to request for accommodations so i wanted to make a list to help anyone else who might be having trouble.

• Priority registration

i get to register for classes earlier each term to make sure i can create schedules that’ll work for my routine

• Extended time on assignments

self explanatory i think? was also offered extended time on tests or a separate room to take them but testing isnt where i struggle

• Flexible attendance

as long as i email beforehand i dont have to stick as strictly to professors attendance policies

• Alternative formats

if i buy a physical textbook i can request the ebook/pdf/audiobook for free to have multiple methods of studying depending on what works for me on a given day

• Note taking

allowed to audio record class and send to a service called messenger pigeon who will give me a transcript of the class and professional notes based on it

• Access to lecture notes

able to access professors lecture notes prior to class/instruction

• Devices

allowed to have phone/ipad/laptop for social buffering and notes in classes that may have policies against electronics

• Flexible participation

no cold calling, option to work alone for group projects/assignments, not required to present in front of class

if anyone has any questions lmk these are just what i have been able to get at my school so far! hope it helps

edit: this is blowing up so fellow autistics, students, language nerds, etc pls be my mutual i want friends lol my dms are also open any time !!

#studyblr #study blog #langblr #langblog #language learning #languageblr #anthropology #anthro #actually autistic #autism #autistic adult #autistic community #autistic student #studyinspo #study help #studyblr community #study tips #study motivation #studyspo #study inspiration #college #student life

[enbycrip]

One common experience of disability all across the board - relating to everything from learning/intellectual disability to neurodiversity to physical impairment to chronic illness - is the way that “one little thing” can make everything - work performance, school performance, ability to communicate etc - go right off the rails and collapse.

This is an issue I frequently see abled doctors, therapists, psychologists, teachers, social workers etc speaking about in terms of “poor flexibility”, “need to teach resilience” etc etc, focusing on this as an issue *with the disabled person.*

And that illustrates absolutely *perfectly* why a) disabled people are the experts in disability, not abled “specialists”, and b) why the social model of disability *needs* to be taught and centred.

The issue in such circumstances is not some sort of “innate preference for rigidity” (you may laugh, but that’s a phrase I sadly *still* see used about autistic folks far too often) or even “innate widespread lack of capacity” in the disabled person. It is a symptom of a system - in this case, a disabled person’s *life* - that is under immense strain and operating without spare capacity available to be used to respond to unforeseen circumstances.

Disabled people are, almost universally, *master* adapters. Incredibly adept at adaptive thought; incredibly resilient and incredibly dogged. We are that way because we *need to be* to survive in a world that is incredibly ill-adapted for our needs. The reason we are *perceived* as “inflexible”, “rigid”, “fragile”, “incapable” etc etc is because we are, very very frequently, *already* operating at the limits of our capacity just to survive in a world that is incredibly hostile to our needs and to our existence.

The medical model of disability judges all people to exist in the same world under the same circumstances, and thus judges the disabled person to be “lacking” when we struggle. Thus the onus is put on *us* to “correct” this “lack”. “You need to build resilience”.

It is the exact same mindset that blames people living in poverty for their lack of available resources, and suggests “budgeting classes” or “stopping spending money on avocado toast and Netflix” instead of recognising the need to raise wages to liveable levels in low-paid work and provide genuinely affordable housing. Focusing on, and *blaming*, the individual rather than recognising the systemic injustice and the desperate need for systemic change.

“Resilience” as long-term quality more or less means “having the resources to put into dealing with unexpected difficulty while still maintaining other functions.” Whether those resources are time, energy, money, family or community support - if a person does not have access to enough of them, the system - in this case, their life - *will* become overstretched, and they *will* fail on one, or, very often, on multiple points.

That does not represent a personal or moral failure. It represents having access to insufficient resources to meet needs. It is genuinely that simple. And that is what needs to be addressed for disabled people to live and thrive.

#disabled #disability #disableism #ableism #chronic illness #chronic pain #chronic fatigue #autistic adult #adult adhd #learning disability #physically disabled #systemic disableism #intersectional disability

[neonbuck]

you have to love people for real. and that means loving them as people who have flaws, and will annoy you or get on your nerves some times. treating them like a toy or product you can throw away when you get bored or upset is not acceptable. it's what we've been conditioned to do, but it makes the world worse.

#.txt #i didnt always know this and i dont pretend i did. #i'm just glad i've learned it now at least #i went straight from a cult-like group into tumblrs 'its ok to kick any one out of your life for any reason' environment in my early 20s #it made my life turbulent lonely and miserable #thinking on the older adults who should have known better leading sheltered young queer people astray back then makes me feel so bitter.

[runawaycarouselhorse]

So many works are like "this magical world is ONLY FOR CHILDREN, if you grow up, you lose your sense of whimsy and wonder BY NECESSITY and are FOREVER BARRED THIS WORLD OF WONDER. If you missed your chance as a child, TOUGH LUCK. A bitterly hopeless and dark view of adulthood."

Pokemon is like, you didn't get your chance to go on a Pokemon journey because you were raising your siblings for five years because both of your parents were deadbeats? One finally saw the error of his ways and came back! You can start now!

You're an old man who never went on a journey? You can start now!! Go out there with your flower-loving, skipping Treecko. You and your kid can both start your journeys with your little Starter Pokemon together, sure, why not?

You DID enjoy Pokemon as a child and have now grown-up, still loving them? You're a Gym Leader, or Elite, or even the Champion!

#Pokemon #PokeAni #Treecko #Brock #agere #this blog isn't an agere one I just think regressors would appreciate it #one of many reasons I don't think I'd ever be able to watch Digimon is it perpetuating this (but apparently it wasn't as bad in S1-2?) #still........ everything I learned about Oikawa sounds depressing as heck if I saw that instead as a kid who believed she was an adult at 1 #I likely would have ended up Worse. #caps * #Stephanie #Stephanie's father #Mudkip #Mizugorou #Kimori

[pierog]

tiny comic about eating toast with friends

#i have sooo many more thoughts about this but i couldnt be arsed making a longer comic..a few ppl seemed to relate so i will put it here #comic #art #artists on tumblr #axolotl #studyblr #academia #<-why the fuck not. it's set at uni #furry #mine #personal #i do wish i spent more time on this but i got 80hd #anyway the experience of loved ones + food is so important to me #and those little moments which you don't realise are so special until they're gone #i'm very bad at living in the present.. always have been.. gotta learn to appreciate wot i have #my hall experience was a mixed bag - loads of fun but also problematic as an institution and i dont miss it #im lucky to have heaps of friends who i love :) #but it's my first year as a Real Adult outside of academia and im trying not to be scared of growing up

[egophiliac]

Do you play genshin impact or honkak a

Star rail?

I don't play Honkai, but I've just started looking into Genshin Impact's story (someone described Neuvillette's character to me and I was like. hmm. HMM.) I haven't gotten far yet -- really JUST started looking at it -- but I'm looking forward to more! :D

(I know almost nothing about these characters yet, I'm probably drawing them SUPER wrong, sorry)

#art #genshin impact #(another sorry to everyone in the tag) (i really don't know what i'm doing) #oh no i'm going to have to learn to draw even more complicated anime hair aren't i #man i would like to get into more things though #but alas there is too much stuff and not enough time #me: part of being a responsible adult is carefully thinking about and prioritizing my media consumption #also me: (watches the entire wownow thanksgiving movie) no regrets