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spine-buster · 4 years

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The President Wears Prada (William Nylander) | Chapter 17

A/N: Soooo just a quick note that in celebration of my birthday on August 23rd, I’m going to be doing a DOUBLE UPLOAD WEEK NEXT WEEK. That means you will be getting Chapter 18 on Monday August 24th and Chapter 19 on Thursday August 27th, both at 7:30pm EST as my gift to you. YAY! If you are able, please consider donating to my Ko-Fi at ko-fi.com/spine_buster if you appreciate it and like what you’re reading! Otherwise, ENJOY!

January 14th, 2020

Aberdeen Bloom was looking forward to the All-Star Break.

With Kasha going to Aruba with her dad and the Leafs on the bye-week, she was looking forward to spending eight days completely alone and devoid of any work before she had to fly out with the team to Nashville. Though she’d just had a mini-break at Christmas, this was much more substantial. She knew she would be able to recharge and re-energize herself for the second half of the season – the second half she knew the team would have to push hard through to make the playoffs. Because not making the playoffs was not an option.

After what had happened four days ago after the Night With the Blue and White, Aberdeen had been in a weird place mentally. Though she didn’t regret a thing that happened that night, and she didn’t regret anything she’d said to William, what happened between them was still wrong. In every way, it was wrong. And because it was so wrong, and it went against everything she believed in, every boundary she put up for herself and put so much time and effort into upholding, she knew nothing could come of it. It couldn’t go any further. They couldn’t become boyfriend and girlfriend. They couldn’t date. They couldn’t do anything.

They shouldn’t kiss again.

They shouldn’t have sex again.

But was that actually going to happen? Or would their feelings get the best of them again and lure them further into a passionate affair they knew should not, could not happen?

Five days ago, she had been pretending to be aloof about William Nylander. Four days ago, she’d had sex with him and told him she loved him. Three days ago, they’d started texting regularly, after months of one-sided text messages on his part. Two days ago, the team had suffered a bad loss to Florida 8-4, and they talked on the phone for what felt like the entire night about it when he got back into Toronto. One day ago, he’d FaceTimed her after dinner and she answered the call. Today, he promised her he’d score a goal for her and followed through with that promise.

Aberdeen was spiralling. She was getting lost in William, and William was getting lost in her. But she didn’t put a stop to absolutely any of it.

After the game, she had to go back to her desk to pick up a few things she’d left there. Brendan had come back with her, going into his office secretively and shuffling some things around. Half of her wondered what he was looking for, while the other half didn’t care since she should be on her way home right now anyway.

“Aberdeen?” he called from his office just as she had finished packing up her things. “Can you bring me the proofs so I can take them home?”

Aberdeen grabbed them from the drawer in her desk and walked into his office. He was looking over the score sheet when she held them in front of him, smiling, and he looked at her briefly before taking it. “The All-Star Weekend is one of the most important weekends of my entire year. We have three of the guys going. I need the best possible team with me,” he said, barely looking at her, though his voice was steady. “That no longer includes Peter.”

Aberdeen’s smile disappeared instantly. She realized almost immediately what he was implying. “Wait. You want me to…no, Brendan. I…” she exhaled sharply. “Peter—Peter would die. He’s been talking about the All-Star Weekend since Christmas. I—I can’t do that, Brendan, I can’t,” she shook her head. She knew how much it meant to him. Meanwhile, she was looking forward to sleeping in. They weren’t the same, and only one of them refused to go.

“If you don’t go, I’ll assume you’re not serious about your future…with the Toronto Maple Leafs or any other publication,” he said. He finally looked at her, giving her an up-down she wasn’t familiar with at all. Usually she got them for her looks or outfits – many girls did – but this was something completely different. An up-down from a boss that said he was sure of his decision and nobody could convince him otherwise; like he was saying “Are you sure you want to say no to this” when they both knew she didn’t have the option. “The decision is yours.”

She couldn’t believe him. She couldn’t fucking believe that he had already made the decision for her. She didn’t want to go. She didn’t need to go. Peter wanted to go. Peter needed to go. “But—”

“That’s all,” he said dismissively, like he usually did. He gave her one last knowing look. “Goodnight, Aberdeen.”

She stared at him for a brief moment before angrily turning on her heels and walking out of his office. She couldn’t believe she was just put in that position. There was no way she could say no after that, even if she’d wanted to. She knew that it must have meant that she had done something right, after all the things she’d done wrong, but it was still taking an opportunity that wasn’t hers to take. Peter went to the All-Star Game. Peter mingled with all the players and GMs and Presidents that attended. Not her. She grabbed her jacket from her chair, threw it on herself, and threw her purse over her shoulder before walking out of the office.

She took the long way back to her apartment, despite the cold, to think things over. What had made Brendan and Kyle come to that decision? Who the hell brought it up? Who agreed on it? She needed answers that she’d never get. Back in November, when Mike Babcock was fired and Brendan and Kyle thanked her for not leaking anything to the press, she’d told Kyle how she would never burn the bridge she had with the Leafs and how she wouldn’t take advantage of the team or someone for personal gain. He’d said that she was young, but he appreciated someone with conviction. Did she still have that conviction? Did she still have that conviction now that she’d slept with William and put her job in jeopardy? Did she still have that conviction now that she was following through with what was basically an affair with William, which was against personal beliefs and company policy? Did she still have that conviction now that she was taking an opportunity from a co-worker, a friend, who had been nothing but nice to her and helped her along her rocky path instead of calling her Girl Friday and feeling her up in the staff kitchen?

She didn’t know what to think anymore. In many ways, she didn’t know who she was anymore. She’d completely lost any sense of old Aberdeen. But the problem was, this – what she was feeling right now – wasn’t new Aberdeen. It wasn’t. She was still Aberdeen Bloom, just another version of her. She’d always had this in her. She’d always had the drive, and the work ethic, and the want and need to impress the people around her. The outcome had just been different. Before, it was good grades on essays or being published in Acta Victoriana and the Hart House Review. Now, the outcome was taking opportunities from others – others she could put a face, name, and personality to. Others she called co-workers. Others she called friends. Before, they were nameless and faceless.

Now they were named Peter.

She didn’t know how the news would be broken to Peter, or when, but she knew he wouldn’t be happy about it. Maybe it had already happened, for all she knew. She just hoped she didn’t have to be the one to do it.

***

January 16th, 2020

It was maybe an hour before the game when Aberdeen felt the energy in the office shift. Kyle had just left Brendan’s office and had spoken with Aberdeen briefly about the happenings of the day, making sure she’d be in the box during the game against Calgary that night. Brendan had followed him out, for the most part, and when Aberdeen noticed him walking back, he looked serious.

“Aberdeen, don’t forget to tell Peter,” he said before he popped into his office. He gave her one last look. “Do it now,” he encouraged, closing the door behind him.

She exhaled sharply. She was going to kill him. So they hadn’t told him, and they’d left it to her to do their dirty laundry. She was going to kill them both – she liked Kyle, but she’d kill him too. Now she had to find Peter, get him alone somewhere, and break the news to him. She got up from her desk and began to look for him – it didn’t take long, thankfully, because she found him scurrying through the hallways, like he always was.

When he noticed her, he gave her a quick nod. “Hi, sorry, I know I’m late with the report Brendan wants—”

“No, Peter—” she tried to begin as she got closer to him.

“It’s just Kyle wanted a new scarf from Hermes, and he did tell me yesterday, but I forgot like an idiot and so I freaked out, of course—”

“Peter—Peter, I need to talk to you. There’s something I have to talk to you about,” Aberdeen stressed.

Peter calmed down slightly. “Well, I hope it’s not another Brendan or Kyle problem, because I’ve got so much to deal with before I go. I swear to God, I—”

“Peter,” she said sternly. “Can we…can we go inside your office? Please?”

Seeing how skittery she was, Peter agreed and led her into his office and closed the door behind him. He set his things down on his desk before turning to face her. “What’s going on, Aberdeen?”

She hadn’t prepared anything to say, so she knew she was going to just word vomit once the moment actually came. She’d tried to think of ways to say what she needed to say, but nothing came out right, and nothing softened the blow. She knew that no matter what she said or how she said it, Peter would be angry. “You’re not going to the All-Star Game,” she said plainly.

Peter looked taken aback by the statement, like he didn’t understand. “I’m sorry, what?”

“You’re not—listen, after the game against New Jersery, Brendan called me into his office and told me that he and Kyle decided I was going, not you,” she said. She didn’t want to say Brendan’s exact words, how he needed ‘the best possible team’ and that it ‘no longer included Peter’. That would be too harsh.

“What do you…I…” he couldn’t formulate any words. The realization hit him like a ton of bricks. “Did you say no?” he asked, his tone suddenly changing from one of confusion to one of anger.

“He was on the verge of practically firing me if I said no!” she exclaimed. It was somewhat true, but mostly a lie. He was basically dangling every opportunity she could take advantage of in the future in terms of writing over her head. In Aberdeen’s mind, that was worse than firing.

“I don’t care if he was going to fire you or beat you with a red-hot poker! You should have said no!” Peter exclaimed.

“Peter, I didn’t have a choice!”

“Oh, please!”

“You know how Brendan is!” she tried to reason.

“That is a pathetic excuse!” he turned away from her, so angry he felt ready to burst. Aberdeen didn’t know what to do. She knew he would react angrily, but she didn’t know just how angrily. She also didn’t expect the blame game to be put on her rather than Brendan and Kyle – the two men who actually made the decision. He was beside his desk at this point, having paced for a while to cool down. “Do you know what really just…gets me about this whole thing? It’s that, you know, you’re the one who said you don’t really care about this stuff, and you don’t really care about hockey. You want to be a writer. What a pile of bullshit!”

Aberdeen winced. “Peter, I know you’re mad. I don’t blame you—”

“Face it, Aberdeen. You sold your soul the day those boys took you out to dinner in St. John’s. I saw it,” he accused, his voice so scathing that a lump formed in Aberdeen’s throat. “And you know what really just kills me about this whole thing, is the people you are going to meet…I mean, you don’t deserve to! You don’t even like hockey, for Christ’s sake! God it’s so unfair!”

Being chosen over him was one thing. But being told by Peter she didn’t deserve it was another thing. She tried to remember that he was really angry, that his dream had essentially been snatched away from him, and that’s why he was saying all these mean things, but it got to her. She’d been working hard since the day she stepped into the office, and he’d been helping her, and even though she had her fair share of gaffes and slipups along the way, it didn’t cover up the fact that she worked hard. In his anger, Peter didn’t see that. “Peter—”

“Just go,” he said, his voice softer as he crossed his arms across his chest.

“Peter, I—”

“I said go!”

Aberdeen sighed. At that moment, she knew there was nothing she could say, and nothing she could do to calm him down or soften the blow. He was angry at her, and he’d stay angry at her for the foreseeable future, until he got over her going to the All-Star game – if he ever got over it.

***

The boys had lost 2-1 in a shootout. William had scored the only true goal of the game, but she was so despondent she almost didn’t even care. The conversation she’d had with Peter kept playing over and over in her head. Brendan could tell, apparently, because he let her leave right after the game.

It was barely less than five minutes from when she got home that her phone buzzed on her kitchen countertop. She’d placed it there so she could take a swig from the bottle of wine she and Kasha had opened last night.

can u buzz me in? don’t want to wake kasha

She pressed the button and kept the condo door open with her boot. When William walked through the door, still in his game day suit, she was taking another long swig. His eyebrows immediately furrowed. “Are you alright?” he closed the door and locked it behind him.

She didn’t know how to answer that question. She gulped her wine. “I’m going to St. Louis.”

“You’re going to St. Louis for the All-Star Game?”

“Mhm. It just happened,” she nodded her head.

“That’s one of the biggest weekends of the year.”

“Mhm.”

“I mean, are you going with Brendan, Kyle, and the guys?”

“Mhm.”

She could tell he was trying to piece together why this was affecting her so much – why it was making her swig a bottle of red wine and not bother getting a glass. “I thought the All-Star Game was a big deal for Peter, or…” he tried to clarify.

God. If even Willy knew about how much it meant to Peter, then it was an even bigger deal than she thought. “Great. Now you’re gonna give me a hard time too?” she demanded, setting the wine down on the counter before stomping her way towards her bedroom.

“Hey hey hey, Aberdeen. Aberdeen—”

“I didn’t have a choice, okay? Brendan asked me and I couldn’t say no. He was dangling every future opportunity for writing over my head,” she whipped around to talk to him.

William had dropped his bag by the door before he approached her, wrapping his arms around her. “I’m not trying to give you a hard time,” he said softly. “I just…that’s news, that’s all. The guys know that it’s usually Peter that goes. But if you’re going now you must have done something right.”

“But I don’t know what I did,” she melted into him. She could feel herself get emotional. “And I don’t want to take that opportunity away from Peter. He lives for All-Star Weekend.”

“Minskatt, you didn’t take an opportunity away from Peter, you earned an opportunity to go,” he encouraged her to think of it differently.

She sighed. She didn’t really want to talk about it anymore – talking about it more just made it worse for her. She wondered if Peter was throwing plates against the wall in his apartment. “I think I’m more upset about not getting a full eight days off,” she mumbled, causing William to giggle. She looked up at him as he still had his arms wrapped around her comfortingly. “Can we cuddle?”

William smiled down at her. “I even brought a proper change of clothes this time.”

They made their way into her bedroom, William bringing his bag with him. They changed into their pyjamas. Minerva was already rolled up in her cat bed, but when she saw them, she meowed and jumped on the bed. As Aberdeen looked at William move about the room, she realized that she felt so comfortable already, so at home in her bedroom that he moved around without any hesitation. He even pulled back the covers himself, knowing she wouldn’t mind, and got in first, holding the covers up for her to get in. Minerva ended up curling up at his feet. Even her damn cat couldn’t get enough of him.

She stood hesitantly. She stared at him. “Just cuddling.”

William stared back at her. He nodded his head like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Just cuddling.”

She got in. William draped the comforter over her and they got comfortable. Almost immediately, she melted into his touch as he wrapped his arms around her, his big body engulfing hers just the way she liked it. She didn’t think she’d ever get tired of it. They closed their eyes and settled into a comfortable silence briefly. “I’ve never even seen your place before…” Aberdeen thought out loud. They’d only ever met up at her place.

“It’s your typical place,” he said. “Kitchen, bedroom, whatever. I haven’t bought a place here yet so nothing is really my own. I’ve got a bigger bed,” he joked.

“Everybody has a bigger bed than I do.”

“Doesn’t matter,” he dismissed it. She felt his lips on her neck as he kissed her tenderly. “I like cuddling.”

***

January 21st, 2020

Aberdeen had spent the last three days alone writing.

Kasha had gone on a last-minute trip to Aruba with her dad, so Aberdeen took the time in solitude with Minerva to write anything and everything that came to her mind. A lot of it was about the last six months. Not about her illicit love affair with William, but more important things: growing up, facing the truth about yourself, getting your first ‘big girl’ job and having to survive in a male-dominated environment. More than anything, Aberdeen liked to think it was about the overarching and universal truths people in their early 20s had once they left university and entered the real world, where things were tricky and few people were nice and there was almost always an overwhelming sense of ‘What the fuck am I doing?’.

William had gone to Augusta, Georgia, to golf with some of the boys. He’d texted her when he got there, plus some photos of the golf course and some selfies he snuck while the other guys teed off. She mostly sent him back pictures of her laptop with a Word document open, or pictures of Minerva sprawled out on her bed or couch. At night they’d keep up a conversation, when he wasn’t on the course. She wondered if any of the guys wondered who he kept texting all time, or if he was able to keep in discreet.

She missed him.

She hated to admit it, but she did. She missed his stupid blonde hair and his stupid scruffy beard and his stupid thick body and his stupid tender touch and his stupid laugh that was like Beethoven’s 5th Symphony to her stupid ears. She missed cuddling with him. She missed seeing him at the rink. She missed everything about him even though she shouldn’t.

When she finished editing one of her personal essays, she decided to call it a night. As she cleaned up the kitchen, putting the last of her dishes in the dishwasher, there was a knock at her door. She paused briefly because she wasn’t expecting anyone.

She looked through the peephole, only to see William in one of his absolutely stellar (read: awful) casual traveling outfits. She opened the door. She saw he even still had his suitcase, telling her he came straight from the airport.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, finding herself moving out of the way for him. When she shut the door behind him, she ended up with her back against it.

He walked in to her apartment with ease, wheeling in his bag and leaving it by the closet that held the washer and dryer. “You said Kasha is in Aruba with her dad.”

“Yeah…”

“And it’s the bye-week. I just got back from Augusta.”

“Yeah…”

“So…that means we can be alone,” he said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“You’re really going there, aren’t you?” she asked as she watched him approach her.

“Did you expect anything less?” he asked, so close that now she was trapped between his body and the door.

She shook her head. “No. No I didn’t.”

And then he kissed her. And he couldn’t stop. And she kissed him. And she couldn’t stop. And he pinned her against the door, his knee going between her legs as he raised her hands above her head briefly before bringing his own hands down so he could pick her up. She stuck her tongue down his throat. He squeezed her ass. She wrapped his legs around him.

He sighed contently, as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. “God I miss you so much,” he mumbled against her lips.

“Me too,” she admitted out loud as he bit down on the skin of her neck.

“Bedroom?” he asked quickly.

Aberdeen should have said no. Should have. But instead, she nodded her head.

***

January 22nd, 2020

The notebook was wide open on the coffee table in the living room, a blue Muji pen in the spine, the bookmark ribbons sprawled out. It was the only thing on the table besides a giant three-wick candle. William knew he shouldn’t look at it. It was the middle of the night, for heaven’s sake. But as he drank his glass of water, he became more and more curious as to the contents. The pages seemed full of beautiful cursive.

So he sat down on the couch. He picked up the notebook.

Maple Leaf Forever

The job interview went horribly. I was sure I’d offended Brendan Shanahan, president of the Toronto Maple Leafs. To make matters worse, the outgoing executive assistant told me, before I entered his office, that I was deeply unqualified for the job. I didn’t watch hockey; I had no clue who Mats Sundin was.

It came as a shock, then, when Brendan called me back into his office and told me I was his new assistant.

William read on, completely enamoured with the words he was reading on the page. He flipped through the notebook and read the entire personal essay. Then he flipped backwards to the previous piece she wrote, and read that too. He saw the scribbles and the crossing out of entire lines and paragraphs. He saw planned out notes. He saw poetry.

Sometimes William looks at me like he’s the spoon and I’m the dish of ice cream. I wonder if he sees that, in my weak moments, I look at him the same way……….

I’ve gotten used to the sounds of the blades scratching the ice. Quickly, it has become one of my favourite sounds……….

I am a daughter of immigrants. I am a granddaughter of the Iranian Revolution. I am a daughter of The Troubles. Revolution and change course through my veins……….

He saw and read so much of her writing that he felt like he knew her so much more now. There were so many things about her, so many things in her mind, that she hadn’t told him yet; so many things he longed to learn so he could know her fully and completely. He didn’t want to know surface-level Aberdeen – he knew that Aberdeen already. He wanted to know what was inside Aberdeen. The deeper parts of her. The parts that he could love more. The parts that would make him even more hopelessly in love with her.

No wonder she was already published in those two literary journals. And no wonder she wanted to be a writer. She was a great writer. She had a way with words. He couldn’t believe that after sending out her work everywhere, nobody chose to publish it. They were stupid. She was fantastic.

And he wasn’t just saying that because he was in love with her.

***

January 23rd, 2020

“Have you ever thought about sending your stuff to Toronto Life magazine?”

William asked the question as he sat opposite of Aberdeen in her bathtub. Their bodies were submerged, a bath bomb thrown in, and everything was quiet. Everything. The only sounds made were the slight splashes of water if they moved a hand or if William grabbed at her leg. They had been staring at each other for a while, the heat of the water still soothing them and their bodies.

Aberdeen stared at him. “Of course I have.”

“Have…have you already?” he asked timidly, not wanting to bring it up in case she did and they rejected her.

“No,” she said. He was relieved. “Their writing is, like, top tier. I don’t think I’m there yet. Even the personal essay submissions they have in the back of the magazine are phenomenal. The stories are amazing. I don’t think anybody wants to hear from a 21 year old single white female.”

“But your voice is so amazing,” he said without thinking.

“How would you know? You’ve never read my writing.”

There was a silence between them. He knew he couldn’t tell her that he’d read her writing when she was asleep after they’d had sex. He also knew he couldn’t lie to her, not while they were in the tub together during such an intimate moment, and not ever. “Come here,” he said. She hesitated. “Come on. Come here.”

Aberdeen shifted in her bathtub slowly, so no water would spill out, and moved so that she was cuddled against William now, her back against his chest. She felt his strong arms wrap around her, one right beneath her breasts, the other dangerously close to her core. If the hot water hadn’t relaxed her enough, his hands on her breast and near her core definitely did. She sighed happily as she felt him massage her breast and pinch her nipple. She felt his cheek against the crown of her head before her tucked his face into the crook of her neck, giving her a light kiss on her shoulder. “I never want you thinking that your writing isn’t good enough to be submitted somewhere. You should be submitting it everywhere. Everything you write,” he whispered softly.

“But Willy, you’ve never—”

“Listen,” he cut her off gently. “I saw one of your notebooks on the coffee table the other night, and I couldn’t help myself. I’m sorry. But you’re good, Aberdeen. You’re really good. You write and it just flows, and I…I don’t know how to explain it in any other way, because I’m not as good as you, I’m not good with words and speaking and stuff, but it was amazing.”

Aberdeen stayed silent. William was nervous, having admitted to snooping and reading her writing – at least some of it – but the fact that her body didn’t stiffen when he did admit it gave him a glimmer of hope. Then again, she could just have been processing it and getting ready to throw him out of her apartment naked with his clothes thrown out the window. When she finally spoke, she said something William wasn’t expecting. “I just don’t think anybody would want to hear what I have to say.”

He shook his head, giving her another kiss on her shoulder. “I think everybody should hear what you have to say.”

“You’re just saying that cause you’re feeling me up right now,” she said, a hint of laughter in her voice.

William smiled. “Am not. You’re so good, Aberdeen. Fuck anybody who has ever told you otherwise.”

Aberdeen knew what he meant by that. She knew he didn’t mean fuck the editors or the copywriters – they were just doing their job. What he was saying instead was fuck any person in her life that told her she couldn’t make a career out of writing. Fuck Zane. Fuck Corey. Fuck any other guy who made her feel horrible about herself, who belittled her ambitions, who thought she should pursue something different. Fuck them all. She craned her neck to look back at him, and brought her hand up to caress his face as she kissed him. “I can read you some more when we get out of here,” she whispered, her lips still close to his. “If you want.”

“I’d love that.”

***

“More.”

William stared directly into Aberdeen’s eyes as they cuddled on her couch. “More?” she questioned.

“More,” he affirmed. She began reading her writing again.

***

“More.”

Aberdeen hooked her leg around his waist as they lay in her bed together. “More?” she questioned.

“More,” he affirmed. She began to read her writing again.

***

“More.”

William looked up at Aberdeen as she straddled him. Pants firmly on. He just wanted to sit this way. He was intensely comfortable with her on top of him. She didn’t seem to mind either, especially since his hands found her thighs.

“If I read you any more, I’m going to have to start taking out my high school diaries,” she joked.

“Then do it,” he squeezed her thighs and dragged his hands up to her hips. “I want more.”

“Willyyyyy…” she dragged his name out, the smile still on her face as she bent down to give him a kiss. Her old notebook from university was between their bodies.

“More,” he mumbled against her lips. He genuine wanted to hear more, but he couldn’t stop kissing her. He could feel the old notebook press against his chest as he wrapped his arms around her, and could hear it fall to the floor as he moved to pin her underneath him.

***

January 24th, 2020

“It’s going to be fun. I promise,” William said as he peppered Aberdeen’s face with kisses, unable to let her go just yet even though their shoes were on and their bags were packed, the early morning sun peeking through the windows of her apartment. “You’re going to meet so many cool people.”

Aberdeen sighed. She knew this was an amazing opportunity, and she was going to take full advantage of it, but she wanted just a bit more time with William. All they had done over the past three days was eat good takeout and have great sex. Oh, and read her writing, of course. It quickly became her favourite three days of the break – so much so that she didn’t want it to end. Whenever she was with William, she didn’t want to be brought back down to reality, back down to face the fact that what they were doing was wrong.

“You just gotta promise some other guy doesn’t whisk you away to another team,” William added.

Aberdeen giggled. “Please. Like that would ever happen.”

“I don’t know, minskatt. You’re really cute. I might have to ask Auston or Fred to keep an eye on the other guys.”

She chuckled, burying her head into his chest. She couldn’t let go of him either. She didn’t want to – at least not yet. “Are you gonna miss me?”

William didn’t even answer. Instead, he leaned down and gave her a long, drawn out kiss, one that made her sigh into his mouth and left her begging for more. It answered the question for her. He watched as she licked her lips. “You’ll be in Nashville?” he asked. She nodded. “Dallas?” he asked. She nodded again. “Can I come see you after the game?” he asked one more time.

She knew that meant he wanted to come to her hotel room. He’d snuck in quite easily before, obviously, and nobody had suspected anything, but they still had to be extremely careful. “We’ll see,” she said, not wanting to confirm or deny. For all she knew she’d have a room next to Brendan.

William accepted what she was prepared to give him. “We’ll see.”

She looked down at her watch. Brendan and Lou were supposed to be there any minute. In less than six hours she’d be in St. Louis, and in just less than twelve she’d be watching the Skills Competition. “I should start heading down,” she said, even though she was reluctant to do so. “Remember to wait until I text to come down and leave.”

“Do you have to go?” he asked sheepishly.

She smiled. She stood up on her tiptoes and kissed him one last time, giving him the same long, drawn out kiss he’d just given her. “Bye Willy.”

William bit his lip. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

He smiled. It wasn’t just a one-off. “Bye minskatt.”

“Don’t miss me too much,” she said as she opened the door to her condo.

He was holding on to her hand until it was too far away for him to grasp. “Impossible.”

204 notes · View notes

izzyfandoms · 4 years

Text

Sleepality - Inky Freckles

SHIPS: Sleepality, background Virmile and Thomgan, and mentioned Dukeceit (though neither of them show up)

WARNINGS: Remus sends one text message with an implied threat (not towards the recipient), very very background sympathetic deceit and remus (they aren't acc in any scenes), mild swearing

GENERAL TAGLIST: @quillfics42 @ajdraws0430 @phantomofthesanderssides @creativity-killed-thekitten @phlying-squirrel @sly-is-my-name-loving-is-my-game @because-were-fam-ily @imtryingthisout @a-creepycookie @emo-disaster @littlestr @spooky-scary-virgil @fuyel @mimsidoodles @soupgremlin @aroaceagenderfluid @birdsbookshiddeninrealbirdsskin @quirkalurk @gingers-trashy-stuff @iinyxtello @justaqueercactus @melodiread

Masterpost

Patton chewed distractedly on the end of his pen, tapping his foot on his bedroom floor as his eyes remained on his clock, watching as the seconds and the minutes ticked by.

Five minutes. Ten seconds.

Five minutes and ten seconds until the moment he turned sixteen.

January 15th, 1:46 am on the dot: the exact date and time of Patton’s birth. Precisely sixteen years after that moment, his soul would open up, and the bond between him and his soulmate would be formed, like an invisible string from one soul to the other. Any ink spilled on Patton’s skin would show up on his soulmate’s, too, and vice versa. Of course, nothing would happen if Patton’s soulmate wasn’t also sixteen yet, but it was still a big moment in his young life.

(If he even had a soulmate, that was. Most people didn’t, but Patton wouldn’t lie and say he wasn’t hopeful.)

Four minutes. Thirty-six seconds.

Patton got up from his desk, pacing around the room a few times before sitting down on his bed, leaning back against the pillows and pulling his knees to his chest. Despite the coolness of his room, and the goose-bumps on his arms, he was dressed in a worn blue t-shirt and pyjama shorts, revealing as much skin as possible, just in case. His father, Roman, had gifted him a new pack of pens – the ones made specially to be safe for skin – and he’d picked out the glittery light blue one, his favourite colour, ready to write.

Three minutes. Twelve seconds.

“Come on, come on, come on,” Patton mumbled.

Three minutes. Seven seconds.

He yawned loudly, stretching and almost dropping his pen. It was late – much later than he usually stayed up. Patton was a well-behaved kid; he went to bed when his father told him to, never stayed out past curfew. He was usually fast asleep by 11pm at latest, so this was rather unusual for him.

Tonight was one of a kind, after all.

Two minutes. Fifty-one seconds.

The tick of the clock was maddeningly slow, every second seeming to take hours. Patton couldn’t wait for when he didn’t have to keep watching.

He reached over to his bedside table, taking his phone and switching it on.

There was one new message, from his uncle Remus, sent a few minutes ago.

UNCLE REMUS

tell your soulmate if he ever hurts you ill rip off his dick and shove it down his throat

Patton sighed, switching off his phone and placing it back down beside him. He wasn’t sure why his uncle was so certain that he had a soulmate – he claimed it was because he was psychic, though his husband, Janus, had chided him and told him not to get Patton’s hopes up.

It was hard not to be hopeful. Impossible.

One minute. Forty-nine seconds.

Patton chewed nervously on his lip, looking over his freckled arms and wondering what exactly he’d write to his soulmate.

Would a simple ‘hello’ suffice?

There was no point in writing a whole paragraph, especially when it was statistically unlikely that Patton even had a soulmate – and even if he did, perhaps they were younger, and their connection wouldn’t start until his soulmate turned sixteen, too.

One minute. Zero seconds.

A minute. A minute. A minute. Just a minute until Patton (maybe) talked to his soulmate for the first time. That was so little time – though it felt like so much.

Patton couldn’t help but burst into delighted laughter, and he was sure that if anybody was watching him, they’d think he was insane. The hope bubbled up inside him, like a cup overflowing with water, unable to be suppressed.

Fifty seconds.

He moved forward, and then lay down on his back, spreading his arms out like a starfish.

Patton tried to keep the hope down, tried to keep it from spilling over even more. Or maybe that was nausea, swirling in his stomach, but it almost felt too good to be that. Too happy. Too excited. Both, maybe.

Forty seconds.

Patton twirled the pen in his hand.

It slipped from his fingers, hitting the carpet with a quiet thump.

He bent down – wobbling slightly and nearly tumbling right off his bed – picking it back up and then sitting up again. He moved so his back was pressed against the wall, and tilted his head up to look at the pattern at the ceiling, counting each swirl.

He glanced back at the clock.

Twenty seconds.

His heart thumped loudly in his chest, and his eyes remained on the clock, watching it tick.

Ten seconds.

Nine.

Eight.

Seven.

Six.

Five.

Four.

Three.

Two.

One.

Zero.

Zero. Zero. Zero.

Patton sat up straight, squeezing the pen tightly, so tightly that his nails dug into his palm.

He pulled off the cap, dropping it on the bed beside him and holding the tip just above his wrist. His hand shook (nervousness or excitement? Both) as he pondered what to write for another moment.

He pressed the pen to his skin.

Hello?

Hopefully that was good enough.

Patton waited a few seconds, almost a whole minute, and then sighed, leaning back so his head hit the wall and closing his eyes. He was disappointed, but he knew that it was his own fault. He shouldn’t have let himself get so hopeful. Maybe he didn’t have a soulmate – that was alright, his uncles weren’t soulmates and yet they were wonderfully happy together.

(But his brother, Emile, did have a soulmate, and there was something amazing about the way he and Virgil could practically read each other’s minds, communicating effortlessly without saying a word. Patton wanted that. He really, desperately wanted that, more than anything else in the world.)

He wouldn’t cry.

He wanted to cry, but he wouldn’t.

His lower lip trembled.

All of a sudden, Patton felt a funny sensation on his wrist, like someone else was writing on it – the non-existent pen so light on his skin he almost couldn’t feel it. Almost.

Patton’s eyes shot open, and he immediately lifted his wrist to stare at it, wide-eyed.

His breath stuttered at the words now written in black ink just below his greeting.

holy shit

Before Patton could truly process what was going on, before he could regain his breath, the sensation resumed, and more words began to appear below those first ones.

guess im ur soulmate lol

Patton couldn’t help but giggle, practically vibrating with excitement.

He picked his pen back up, ignoring the slight stain he’d left on his bedsheets. He’d spilt enough juice and milk on his bed to care about one little stain, especially right now, when he had a much more important thing to focus on.

Oh my gosh!!!!!!

Soulmate!!!

Im Patton!

Patton Picani!!!

thats a lot of exclamation marks babe

Nervousness tinged the edges of Patton’s bubble of excitement, enough that he almost didn’t notice the use of the word ‘babe’, which made his heart skip a beat.

sorry

not a bad thing

its cute

Patton bit his lip, wiggling excitedly as his heartrate increased. He watched as the words continued coming. They were messy, but Patton was sure the handwriting was the prettiest he’d ever seen, though he could admit that he might’ve been a little biased. He would read a million books written in this handwriting.

im Remy

Sanders

my bdays acc the 16th lol

tomorrow

i turn 17

Its my birthday today!!!!

Only after Patton wrote that did he realise how obvious it was – of course it was his birthday – but he didn’t particularly care. The ticking of the clock had faded into background noise, and it was hard to believe it had ever annoyed him so much, though it was impossible for him to think of anything negative right now. He was floating on cloud nine.

happy birthday

were running out of arm space

id have to strip to get leg room

wanna gimme ur number?

Okay!!!

They quickly exchanged phone numbers, and Patton immediately grabbed his phone, creating a new contact labelled ‘Remy’ followed by seven colourful hearts – a rainbow of love. But before he could text Remy, Remy texted him first.

REMY:

what time is it for u

Patton glanced at the clock.

PATTON:

Almost 2am

REMY:

same

Realisation struck Patton, and his eyes widened with guilt and concern. He bit his lip, and quickly resumed typing.

PATTON:

Oh my gosh im so sorry!!!! Did I wake you up?

REMY:

nah babe dw bout it

i was already up

i always sleep late

PATTON:

That sounds unhealthy :(

Get some rest!!!

REMY:

u sound like my dads lol

PATTON:

What are they like?

REMY:

my dads?

its just the three of us

their names are logan and thomas and theyre the sappiest motherfuckers on earth

gotta love em tho

theyre gonna be real thrilled when they find out bout u

bet theyll love you right away

wbu

whats ur fam like

PATTON:

Oh! Well ive got my dad

His name’s Roman

He works in theatre!!! Hes so cool

And I’ve got my older brother Emile hes 22 and hes a therapist

He uses cartoons to help people!!

Hes also got a soulmate his name is Virgil and hes a florist

They got married last year and the wedding was so much fun!!! So many pretty flowers!!!

And I’ve got my uncle Remus hes my dads twin hes a writer and his husband Janus is a lawyer theyre also both so cool!!!

And that’s everyone!!

REMY:

if theyre all as sweet as u sugar then im sure ur all v popular

PATTON:

Well we do have dinner with our neighbours a lot!!!

Mrs Smith gives me lots of candy

Its often stale but I eat it anyway cos shes just so sweet!

Sweeter than her candy lol

Patton’s door suddenly swung open, and he jumped, his phone slipping from his fingers and landing right in his lap. His father, Roman, stepped inside, yawning and rubbing his eyes, wincing at the bright light that hung from the ceiling.

“You still up, Pat?” He asked sleepily.

He squinted, his eyes landing on the still-on phone in Patton’s lap.

“Who are you te- by the glittering horn of a unicorn! Is that writing on your arm?” He sat down, taking Patton’s arm and looking over the words. He then glanced back up at his son, his eyes shining excitedly. “You have a soulmate,” He breathed.

“I do!” Patton exclaimed, bouncing excitedly in place. “His name is Remy and he turns seventeen tomorrow and he’s just so cool!”

Roman beamed. “Wow, I’m so incredibly happy for you, Pat!” He said. Then, he chuckled, his smile turning a little teasing. “But... it’s late, and you really should be sleeping. And I’m betting that Remy should be, too.”

Patton pouted a little. “But it’s a Friday! I don’t have any school tomorrow.”

“But the family’s coming over tomorrow at 10 for your birthday, and I know you. You’re gonna be all grumbly in the morning, instead of our happy-pappy Patton, and that’ll be even worse the less sleep you get.”

Patton drooped, like a little wilting flower, but couldn’t deny that his father was right.

“Okay...” He frowned, picking up his phone, switching off the screen without looking at it, and holding it against his chest. “Can I at least say night to Remy, first?”

Roman smiled. “Sure.”

He leant forward, squeezing Patton’s arm supportively, before pressing a quick kiss to his son’s forehead. Roman gave him one last smile, affectionately ruffling his hair, before pulling back and standing up. He brushed the non-existent dirt from his pyjamas.

“Goodnight, Pat,” He said. “And happy birthday.”

In the excitement that was talking to Remy, Patton had almost forgotten that it was his birthday, and he blinked in surprise as Roman left the room, quietly shutting the door behind him.

Patton then took a deep breath, before switching his phone back on to see whatever messages he’d missed.

REMY:

u rlly r an angel huh

PATTON:

Awwwww!!

Your making me blush

REMY:

thats the goal babe

PATTON:

Such a flirt!!

REMY:

im gonna be ten times more flirty when i get to see ur pretty face in person

PATTON:

How do you know Im pretty?

You havent even seen me yet

REMY:

i can just tell

im awesome like that

i bet ur the cutest person in the whole damn world

the whole damn universe

but while were on the subject of seeing each other

were waiting to meet naturally right?

PATTON:

Yeah!

Its good luck

REMY:

yea

PATTON:

Welp!!!

Dad says I gotta go to sleep now!!

Night <3<3<3

REMY:

night xoxox

Patton switched off his phone, placing it on his bedside table and getting off the bed. He wobbled slightly as he stood up, suddenly realising how tired he really was, and quickly walked up to his fairy lights, switching them on before switching off the main light. He then climbed back into bed, settling in the soft nest of pastel pillows and blankets, and his last thought before he fell asleep was of his soulmate.

He barely knew Remy, but he already couldn’t wait to spend the rest of his life with him.

***

The sound of the alarm from Remy’s phone rang through the room, waking him up suddenly. His immediate reaction was to groan, shutting it off quickly and then returning to the warm comfort of his mattress and pillows and blanket. It was the weekend, he had no plans, so if his dads wanted him up, they could come in and get him up themselves. Remy wanted to sleep.

Then, the memories of the night before flooded back to him, and he shot up in bed, pulling out his arm and staring at it wide-eyed.

The words Patton had written last night had now been washed away – likely to leave room for new words and new conversations – whilst Remy’s words still remained, though now a little smudged and faded. The only sign that Patton’s words had ever been there in the first place was the new word on his wrist, just below his palm, in baby blue, like the ones before.

Morning <3

Remy grinned, jumping out of bed much more enthusiastically than he usually did, grabbing the black pen on his bedside table and rushing to the bathroom, thankfully not bumping into either of his dads on the way there.

He washed his arms as quickly as he could, leaving them a little sore and red, though he didn’t care, and uncapped his pen with his teeth, leaving the lid in his mouth.

mornin

!!!!!

Do you always get up this late?

Remy laughed. The handwriting was a little larger and a little neater than his, and each i was dotted with a heart, which made him even more convinced that his soulmate was probably the cutest person on earth.

what time is it

10:30

later usually

what time did u get up

8:30

oof

i could never

What do you do for school then?

suffer

Remy took the pen lid out of his mouth, pocketing it and twirling the uncapped pen between his fingers, watching as more light blue words appeared on his arm. The sensation was feather-light, barely there, but impossible to ignore.

Aww no!!

I don’t want you to suffer :(

dw babe ive got coffee

life saver

id die without it

100%

Well make sure you don’t drink too much!!!!

Its bad for you!!

dw my dad always tells me that

he keeps an eye on it

Which one?

logan

Okay

There was a brief pause, and Remy almost continued writing, but he got the feeling that Patton wasn’t done, so he just waited patiently, tapping his foot against the tiled bathroom floor.

Do you mind if I doodle on my arms?

I usually do when Im bored but I thought Id ask

I wont if you don’t want me to tho

go ahead

what do u doodle?

I usually just connect my freckles

Like little constellations!!!!

It was impossible to keep the grin on Remy’s face from widening – Patton's enthusiasm was adorable and infectious – and he sat down on the edge of the bathtub, crossing one leg over the other as he pressed his pen to his skin and continued writing.

u got a lot of freckles?

Yup!

Theyre everywhere

everywhere?

Yeah!

one day

im gonna kiss every single one of your freckles

(Perhaps that was a little bold for only their second conversation, but Remy was a natural flirt, and Patton was his soulmate, after all. He’d back down at any sign of discomfort, but so far Patton had seemed receptive.)

every single one

Thats a lot of kisses

not enough

but itll be a good start

A little, swirly scribble appeared just beside the words Remy had written – the universal key-smash equivalent for soulmates writing on their skin. Just the thought that he was already able to fluster Patton so easily made Remy very, very happy. He grinned.

Gtg! Presents time!

Ill talk to you later <3<3<3

later xoxo

Remy fished the pen lid back out of his pocket, capping the pen and pocketing it. He then strolled back out of the bathroom, down the stairs, and towards the kitchen.

His fathers were both sat at the kitchen table, eating breakfast and talking. Their legs were pressed together under the table, and it was clear they’d just been flirting. Both Logan and Thomas looked up when Remy entered the room, surprised.

“What kind of natural disaster got you up before midday?” Thomas joked.

Remy waved his arm, showing off the writing, and Logan choked on his coffee. Thomas patted his back a few times worriedly, and Remy waited impatiently for the conversation to resume, tapping his foot against the floor.

“Is that what I think it is?” Logan asked incredulously, once he was breathing again.

Remy nodded. “Yup. Can I make coffee?”

Thomas nodded slowly, but it was clear he was much more focused on the previous topic at hand.

“You have a soulmate?” He asked. “Oh my gosh! What’s their name? Aren’t you gonna tell us about them?”

“Well, his name’s Patton,” Remy began, heading towards the coffee machine and immediately getting to work to make himself a large mug. “It’s his birthday today – it was actually, like, 2am, or something – and he’s real cute. I think you’ll both like him.”

Thomas exchanged a look with his husband – the former much more openly thrilled, whilst the latter looked more confused, though undeniably pleased. He then stood up, opening his arms immediately.

“I think this calls for a family hug,” Thomas grinned.

Logan sighed, but put his own coffee mug back down, getting up obediently.

Remy groaned. “Really? Before my coffee? Do I have to?”

“Yup! Right now,” Thomas said, wrapping one arm around Logan’s waist and resting his chin on his head, keeping his other arm outstretched, awaiting their son. “This is a big moment! It calls for a family hug. C’mere.”

“There is no point refusing, Remy,” Logan said dryly. “I learnt that a long time ago.”

“Aww, you love me.”

“Of course. That is why we got married, after all.”

Remy groaned again. “Are you two really flirting, right now? Gross.”

“Well, if you want us to stop flirting, you’re gonna have to join the hug.”

Remy sighed exaggeratedly, dragging his feet as he walked up to his dads, reluctantly joining the family hug. Then, he pulled back as quickly as he could get away with, making a face and turning back to the coffee machine. He quickly made himself a large mug – with excessive amounts of milk and sugar, something his father would usually criticise, though he seemed to turn a blind eye for today.

Remy then sat down at the table, beside Thomas, sipping eagerly at his coffee and leaning back in his chair.

His fathers didn’t take their eyes off of his arm, clearly reading the words, and after about a minute, Remy rolled his eyes, placing the coffee on his table and crossing his arms.

“What are you looking at?”

“Attitude, Remy,” Thomas sighed. “Be nice. And we’re looking at your arm because we’re excited! You have a soulmate, that’s a really big deal! We should celebrate.”

Remy perked up. “Celebrate?”

Logan nodded in agreement. “Perhaps tonight we could have dinner at the Italian place that you like.”

“Ooh, the one with that fancy pasta?”

“Weren’t we planning on going there tomorrow?” Thomas asked his husband.

Remy blinked, surprised. “We were?”

Thomas blinked, and then gave his husband a slightly sheepish smile. “I don’t think I was supposed to tell you that.”

Logan sighed. “Well, I think we can put that off for tomorrow, then. Today... you may invite a few friends over.” Remy opened his mouth, but Logan quickly continued, interrupting him before he could speak. “Three friends, maximum. No parties.”

Remy pouted. “Only three? Lame.”

“If you complain, we’ll bring it down to two.”

“Three sounds great!”

***

Patton picked up his phone, holding it to his ear as he paced casually around his room.

“Emile!” He greeted. “How are you?”

“Happy birthday, Pat!” Emile greeted cheerfully, and Patton could practically hear the usual smile on his face. “And I’m doing great. Virgil invited his brother to dinner yesterday, so that was fun, and I had a real breakthrough with one of my clients, too. You?”

“I’m good! Hey, do you think this counts as Remy and my anniversary? I mean, I know we haven’t actually really met, yet, but it’s been a year since we first spoke, and we are soulmates. Does that count? Would it be weird to count it?”

Emile hummed. “I think that if you want it to count, it counts.”

“That’s a bit vague,” Patton sighed.

Emile laughed. “That’s just how it works, I’m afraid. How is Remy anyway? It’s his birthday tomorrow, right?”

Patton perked up at the opportunity to talk about his soulmate. “Remy’s great! He got a new job at the Starbucks near his house; he’s pretty excited about it. And yup, it’s his birthday tomorrow! He turns eighteen. It’s a funny coincidence, isn’t it? That our birthdays are so close?”

“It’s actually a lot more common for soulmates to have these similarities than you’d think,” Emile said. “Close birthdays, close locations, things like that. I mean, Virgil and I were both born in the same hospital.”

“Really? Oh, that’s cool!” Patton smiled.

He sat down on his bed, pulling his legs up to sit cross-legged, and moving so his back was against the wall, half-sitting on one of his pillows.

“Yup! I’ve researched a lot about these things,” Emile said. “And- oh, Virgil, there you are!”

Patton heard rustling on the other end of the line, like Emile was temporarily putting his phone down, probably to greet and kiss his husband. He waited patiently, humming a song from the Steven Universe movie and drumming his fingers against his leg. His eyes scanned the various words written across his arms. Shiny black and glittery light blue. There were doodles, too – lines connecting the dots of his freckles, done by himself, and little stars and moons and hearts by Remy.

Then the rustling resumed, more movement, and Patton stopped humming.

“Morning, Pat,” Virgil greeted.

Patton smiled. “Virgil! How’s work going?”

“Not bad. I helped a guy arrange a hate-bouquet for his ex-boyfriend yesterday, so that was fun.”

“Sounds interesting!”

Virgil hummed in agreement, and it sounded like he was nodding. “I’m gonna hand the phone back to Emile, now. Happy birthday, kid.”

“Thanks!”

There was another moment of rustling, and then Emile returned.

“Okay, Virgil and I have to get to work,” Emile said. “We’re stopping by later for dinner, dad already knows. And, before you ask, no I will not tell you what your gift is, you’re gonna have to wait and see.”

Patton pouted. “Aww, okay. Bye!”

“Bye!”

Patton hung up the phone, before switching over to the texting app, and opening up his conversation with Remy.

PATTON

Hey im running out of space

So im gonna clean my arm

Can you too?

Remy responded almost immediately, as he usually did.

REMY

sure

one sec

Patton smiled, getting up and pocketing his phone. He headed over to the bathroom, quickly scrubbing away the words on his arms (he could leave the ones still remaining on his legs and torso, for now), and watching as Remy’s words disappeared at about the same time.

He then returned to his bedroom, sitting back down on his bed and fetching and uncapping his favourite pen.

The moment the tip of his pen touched his skin, a small black dot appeared just below it, like Remy was doing the exact same on his side – unintentionally trying to write in unison. All of a sudden, a wave of peace and happiness washed over Patton, but the emotions didn’t come from within himself. No, they came from an outside source, from somewhere else. Not from him.

From Remy.

At first, Patton was confused, disoriented, and then his heart skipped a beat, and he lifted his pen from his wrist.

The feeling stopped.

He then returned the pen to his wrist, creating another dot of light blue ink. For a moment, nothing happened, the feeling didn’t return, but then a small black speck appeared just beside his.

This time, the happiness was joined by an almost cautious excitement, tinged with something else.

What was it?

Love?

Love.

It felt like Patton was loving himself, except the love came from elsewhere, it came from Remy. Like a warm, comfortable blanket of love, wrapping around him and keeping him safe.

Patton beamed, wide and toothy and delighted, leaning back against the pillows and practically wiggling with excitement, careful to keep his pen tip on his wrist. A similar, thrilled feeling came back at him, and Patton quickly realised that whatever feelings he was getting from Remy, Remy was probably getting some very similar feelings in return from him.

damn babe

either something v weird is happening to me or thats ur feelings im feeling

I can feel it too!!!

Oh my gosh!

good i was worried i might be drunk

Have you been drinking?

nah thats why i was worried lmao

would be v weird to be drunk with no booze

Well that sure would be unusual!

The feelings from Remy weren’t constant, they only surfaced when both Patton and Remy were writing at once – flashes of emotions that were practically addicting. He wanted to keep feeling those feelings forever.

this is v weird

on and off

think itll get more constant the more we talk?

like we wont need to be both writing at the same time to feel it or smth?

Yeah!

I think so

Thats what happened with Em and Virge at least

cool

cant wait

There was a brief pause, and then Remy’s writing resumed.

can we doodle?

might make the empathy connection thingy better

Sure!

Patton giggled, unable to help himself, before pressing the tip of his pen to one of his freckles and drawing a thin line from it to another. Then another and another and another. Over and around the written words. He wasn’t making any specific shape or pattern in particular, just connecting the numerous dots. As he did this, Patton felt new shapes and doodles appearing on his legs, though he couldn’t see them through his trousers. Hearts and stars and moons and pawprints, most likely. The last one was new – Patton’s favourite.

He could feel Remy’s peace and contentment and love (love, love), like it was flowing through the air and seeping through his skin, filling him with happiness. Sometimes, it even increased for a brief moment, usually just after Patton’s happiness bubbled over into delighted giggles. It was a cycle – happiness creating happiness creating happiness.

Patton loved Remy. Remy loved Patton.

Love. Love. Love.

***

“Hey, Remy!”

Remy glanced up from his phone, straightening up as noticed and watched his best friend, Toby, approaching him. His foot tapped impatiently against the pavement, and his sunglasses were on to shield his eyes from bright midday sun.

“Gurl, what was taking you so long?” Remy complained, stuffing his phone into his pocket and crossing his arms, practically pouting. “I’ve been waiting here for, like, hours.”

Toby gave him a dry look. “I’m ten minutes late.”

“And that’s, like, ten hours in gay-and-in-a-hurry time.”

“In a hurry? What the hell are we even doing? Your text was very vague.”

“Well, it’s my dad’s birthday in a-”

“Which one?”

“Thomas. Bitch, stop interrupting me.”

Toby laughed, and Remy glared at him. He held his hands up defensively in mock surrender, and then gestured for Remy to continue.

“Anyway, it’s my dad’s birthday on Sunday and I’m supposed to get him a gift. I dunno what, though, so you’re gonna help me.”

“I’m pretty sure you know him better than I do.”

Remy shushed him. “Gurl, I am not letting you get out of helping me. So, we’re going to-”

He suddenly froze, going silent. Remy’s brow then creased, too, and after a moment of stillness he began to rapidly pat his arms and legs, like he was looking for something, though he didn’t seem to find it. Toby gave him a bewildered look.

“Dude, what are you doing?”

“I can feel Patton’s emotions,” Remy said.

He could, but only barely – just little hints of Patton, pricking the edges of his soul – much less than he was used to, but still impossible to ignore. He was used to these feelings by now, always recognising them immediately, though this time it was... different.

“Okay... so, he’s writing to you? Isn’t that normal?”

Remy looked back at him, looking just as confused as Toby. “No, he isn’t. He isn’t writing to me. No ink.”

“He... isn’t?”

“I can always feel it,” Remy explained. “Always. But not right now. Why... why-” He froze, his eyes widening behind his dark sunglasses.

“What?”

“He must be close. He must- oh my god, he must be close!” Remy looked around quickly, at all of the surrounding pedestrians. None of them looked right – none of them were Patton – but he could practically sense him. He was so close.

Toby blinked. “Really?” He asked incredulously.

“Yes. Yes, really. I know what I’m talking about!” Remy exclaimed, perhaps a little harsher than intended. “The empath shit only happens when you write or when you’re close. Gurl, that’s, like, common knowledge.”

Toby held his hands up. “Right, uh... sorry.” He cleared his throat. “So, how are we gonna find him?”

Remy’s brow scrunched up in thought. “I don’t know.”

His best friend shrugged, even more lost than he was.

“Maybe... maybe...” Remy continued, trailing off, before he suddenly straightened up. “It’ll get stronger the closer I get to him, so I just have to follow where it’s stronger, right? Like... like getting warmer and colder.”

Toby nodded slowly. “That makes sense. So, uh, walk around, and we’ll go in the direction that makes it stronger.”

Remy immediately began to pace in circles around Toby, pulling a slightly panicked face when at one point the feeling completely disappeared. Then, it got stronger, a wave of anticipation and curiosity, nervousness and excitement.

It suddenly hit Remy that if he could feel Patton, then Patton could feel him, too.

Patton was probably looking for him.

The corners of Remy’s lips twitched up into a smile. He was practically oozing excitement, and it was contagious, as Patton’s also seemed to increase – even Toby began smiling, too.

Toby patted him on the shoulder.

“Go on, follow your gut. I’ll be right behind you.”

Remy immediately turned on his heel, sprinting in the direction the emotions seemed to be coming from, and Toby almost tripped over his own feet following him. The empathy got stronger and stronger and stronger with every step, until it was even stronger than it usually was, and as his excitement further increased, so did Patton’s.

He rounded a corner, and immediately ran right into someone running at a similar speed, and they both tumbled to the ground with two loud thumps.

“Ah, fuck,” Remy groaned, closing his eyes and massaging the bridge of his nose as a jolt of pain shot down his leg.

“Oof,” The other boy winced.

His voice was like a bell, ringing through the air: suddenly the only sound that Remy could hear.

That was when Remy realised that Patton’s emotions were now equal to his own – mixing together in Remy’s soul until they were one and the same. It was almost like they were thinking and feeling as one, which was rather disorienting, to say the least.

Patton... Patton was right in front of him.

Remy opened his eyes, immediately coming face-to-face with the most gorgeous person he had even seen – a wide-eyed and freckled boy, about a year younger than Remy, staring back at him with parted lips and an equally startled expression. He was wearing a blue and grey t-shirt, showing off his arms and the words Remy had written to him today, and all the constellations he’d doodled on his own skin. Now, Remy could see the stars that he’d been missing, and, in his opinion, they were even better than the ones in the night sky.

Patton.

Patton, Patton, Patton.

“Patton,” Remy breathed.

“Remy.”

Remy laughed, uncontrolled and loud and delighted, sitting up straight and taking Patton’s hand in his own, squeezing it. It was warm and soft, Remy never wanted to let go, and when Patton squeezed back, he felt... complete. Perfect. Heaven.

Patton smiled – like a shining sun, one that thankfully didn’t hurt to look at, as Remy couldn’t take his eyes off of it.

“Wow,” Remy laughed. “You’re... wow.”

“Wow,” Patton echoed.

People were probably staring at them – Toby included – but Remy couldn’t take his eyes off of Patton to check. Patton seemed to be doing similarly, his eyes slowly taking in every part of Remy’s body, before returning to his face, staring into his eyes.

Patton’s eyes were brown, like honey in the sunlight. Beautiful.

“It’s... it’s nice to finally meet you,” Patton said softly.

“Likewise.”

There was a beat.

“You are gorgeous,” Remy continued, the words coming out before he could stop himself. He almost regretted blurting it out, but then Patton’s face turned a particularly pretty shade of pink, and Remy immediately grinned.

Patton squeezed his hand. “You, too.”

“Oh, I know I’m hot, babe,” Remy said, making Patton giggle. “But you, you’re... you’re an angel. Like, damn, how the hell did I get so lucky? I must’ve done something really freaking amazing in a past life to have deserved you.”

“You’re even more of a flirt in person,” Patton smiled, a little teasingly.

Remy laughed. “I mean, I’m pretty sure I warned you.”

“You did,” Patton said, smiling fondly.

“Is it too soon to ask if I can kiss you?” Remy asked suddenly. His tone of voice was casual, like he was joking, but they both knew – Patton could probably sense – that he was serious.

Patton didn’t hesitate, answering quickly. “No. I mean, yes. I mean... no, it’s not too soon. Please?”

Remy didn’t waste any time, reaching forward, carefully cradling Patton’s face in his hand and kissing him gently. His lips were soft and warm and Remy never wanted to stop kissing him. Patton covered Remy’s hand with his own free one, kissing back a little clumsily, though it was without a doubt enthusiastic.

Then, he got a little too enthusiastic, and Remy tumbled backwards, pulling Patton along with him.

They broke apart, and after a moment of startled – slightly awkward – silence, they both started laughing loudly, and Patton climbed off of him. He finally stood up, holding out his hand and helping Remy up, too.

The pedestrians that had been watching them had mostly all moved on by now, leaving only Toby hovering awkwardly nearby. He had his phone out, trying to distract himself, give them some privacy, though he was undeniably still keeping an eye out. It wasn’t every day you saw a soulmate pair’s first meeting.

Remy took Patton’s hands in his own, looking him over again and again and again.

An idea came to him – not a new one, one he’d thought about and talked about and dreamed and daydreamed about a million times – and he grinned in a way that he could feel made Patton’s heart skip a beat.

“Remember how I said I wanted to kiss every freckle?"

#me #writing #sleepality #sanders sides #remy sanders #sleep sanders #patton sanders #mosleep #soulmate au #human au #sanders sides au #thomas sanders #roman sanders #logan sanders #emile picani #cartoon therapy #virmile #thomgan

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theotherackerman · 3 years

Text

My Mind Turns Your Life Into Folklore

NOTES:

Saturday, January 16th

song credit: all too well-taylor swift

chapter eighteen: all too well

Niccolo and Zeke were chatting most of the drive.

Eren just stared off into the distance.

Was he waiting too long to give Mikasa his answer to the song she wrote?

It had been his plan to play this song for her before he even heard the song she had written.

He had dragged all of their friends and Levi in on it too.

It had been a week since then.

Their texting wasn’t anything important. Just little messages here and there.

How many times had he pulled out his phone ready to call her?

Was it too soon?

Was it too much?

Or was it too late?

Why was he a sixteen year old again?

“I want to play the song tonight,” Eren finally said.

“What?” Niccolo asked.

“We don’t have a bassist anymore. As brilliant as Pieck is, she probably also has plans tonight. You know her and the Galliard brothers hang out on Saturday nights,” Zeke reminded him.

“Well, it’s a good thing we’re going to a house with a bassist, isn’t it?” Eren remarked.

“Alright. It’s your song, Eren.”

The arrival at the Ackerman house was anticlimactic.

Levi hadn’t been expecting Zeke to stop off. He just simply handed over the file, saying it was a copy and he’d be keeping the original. Then Zeke had decided to leave to check up on Grisha’s old house. There were still no offers on it.

Ymir, Historia, Sasha and Niccolo were talking about music in the sun room while Hange and Levi were talking in the living room.

Mikasa had been helping Armin move the few things he had left behind when he headed back to the dorms into Annie’s room.

“We should move this bed into Annie’s room too. It’ll give you a bigger bed if you push the two together,” Mikasa suggested.

“Or you could just buy a new one,” Eren suggested from the doorway.

“Eren! When did you get here?” Armin asked.

“About five minutes ago. Zeke had to pick up a file from Levi. I guess Levi is Zeke’s patient? I don’t know. It was weird,” Eren shrugged.

“That is weird. But I suppose that makes sense,” Armin said as he sat down on the bed.

“What happened to your face?” Mikasa asked.

The red marks were still there.

“Uh...I got into a fight with Floch,” Eren looked down as he rubbed the back of his neck.

“Good,” Annie said as she pushed past Eren and came into the room.

“Hey Annie,” Eren said.

“That guy is a dick. I don’t like him,” Annie sat down next to Armin.

“Well...I....can’t disagree.”

“Are you staying in town?” Mikasa asked.

Eren shook his head. “Check in on the house. We’re going back after Zeke comes back.”

“Oh,” Mikasa said before she looked down.

“Yeah but you can call me tonight, if you want,” Eren suggested.

“It’s like watching paint dry,” Ymir said as she passed by Eren.

“Give them a break, Ymir,” Historia said as she also passed by them.

“EREN! YOUR BROTHER IS HERE!” Levi yelled from downstairs.

“I’ll see you, okay?” Eren said before he left the room.

When Eren came downstairs, Levi and Zeke were talking.

“Everything all set then?” Eren asked.

“On my end, yeah. All the extension cords have been put out. You should be good to go tonight,” Levi replied.

“And Ymir agreed to fill in for Floch,” Niccolo said as he came into the living room.

“Good. So now we just need to grab our equipment.”

“Now I just have to get Mikasa out of the house,” Levi pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Historia is going to do that. She plans on dragging Mikasa out. Everything is set, Eren. It’s just up to you not to fuck up,” Niccolo said as he clasped Eren’s shoulder.

“Thanks for the vote of confidence there,” Eren mumbled.

------------------

How many stores had Mikasa been to?

She lost count.

Historia had dragged her out to go shopping for this limited edition perfume for Ymir’s birthday.

Thankfully, Levi had let them borrow the car so it wasn’t too bad.

But Mikasa had to walk into one more department store to look for a bottle of perfume, she was going to scream.

Ymir’s birthday wasn’t even for almost a month!

Mikasa didn’t once complain.

She knew giving Ymir the perfect gift was important to Historia.

So the search continued.

How were there this many department stores around here? They drove towards the city. Historia asked to stop for lunch. Mikasa agreed. Then the search continued.

Mikasa was starting to believe that this perfume didn’t exist.

No matter where they went, they couldn’t find it.

“It’s just super limited,” Historia had told her.

So it was more department stores. Mikasa had looked at so many bottles of perfume at this point.

She never wanted to see another.

They grew hungry again.

It was almost time for dinner.

They stopped at a drive through before heading to the last store.

Mikasa hated driving at night but this wasn’t about her.

Finally, Historia gave up.

“It looks like we’ve gone everywhere possible. I’m sorry, Mika for dragging you out with me,”

Historia had said as they pulled into the driveway.

Mikasa shrugged. “It’s okay.”

When they entered the house, no one was in the living room. It was strange. She pulled her shoes off.

“Hey! One of those bugs from the basement is loose in Levi’s room!” Annie shouted from the stairs.

“Where’s Levi?” Mikasa asked as she climbed the stairs.

“Out on a date with Hange. Can you just kill it for me? All those legs are freaking me out. I’m afraid it's going to get into my room,” Annie said as she led Mikasa to Levi’s room.

Mikasa went in and realized something. “You never saw the bug in the basements.”

The door slammed behind her.

It was a prank.

She pulled on the door as hard as she could but it wouldn’t move.

Why was the room so cold?

It was then that Mikasa realized the balcony doors were open.

She could hear the soft music of a guitar playing.

Mikasa walked out onto the balcony.

There was Eren Jaeger, in a single light that seemed to be coming from the roof.

“{lyrics redacted due to copyright}, ” Eren sang.

Mikasa heard the rest of the band kick in.

“ {lyrics redacted due to copyright} ”

Mikasa knew exactly the memory Eren was singing about.

It had been back when they had taken a road trip to nowhere.

They had just one day decided to run out of town.

“ {lyrics redacted due to copyright} ”

They did always end up back here, together.

“ {lyrics redacted due to copyright} ”

He had taught her to drive. Mikasa had been easily distracted by him back then.

“ {lyrics redacted due to copyright} . ”

Mikasa went red at the memory.

She had gone through a brief phase at five where she wore fake glasses everywhere.

Her dad let her join a tee ball team at that time so Levi still had the pictures from that.

“ {lyrics redacted due to copyright} .”

The single light went out and the backyard lights came on to reveal Niccolo, Ymir, and Zeke playing the instruments as back up to Eren.

“ {lyrics redacted due to copyright} ”

One of the many nights Mikasa had stayed with Eren after Grisha died.

She could see it.

She remembered it.

Mikasa stood there, just listening to the music for the moment.

“ {lyrics redacted due to copyright} .”

Mikasa started crying.

She blamed herself for not seeing what was wrong with Eren sooner.

She should have known he was lying back then.

She should have talked to him about his drinking, about his father.

“ {lyrics redacted due to copyright} .”

Mikasa held onto the scarf that she was wearing.

Ever since Historia had dug it out of her closet, she found herself putting it back on every time she needed to go out into the cold.

“' {lyrics redacted due to copyright} .”

The lights around the backyard faded until one again, it was just Eren standing in a single light that was coming from the roof.

Then the backyard went dark.

She closed the balcony doors and sat down on Levi’s bed for a moment.

What had just happened?

Had Eren answered her song with his own?

No.

This had to be something he had written long ago.

The pain in it was the same as the song she had written.

There was no faking that.

She sat and processed what had just happened for a while.

Then she stood up.

Mikasa headed back towards the doors which to her surprise, opened when she tugged on them this time.

She ran downstairs.

-------------------------

Levi climbed down the ladder off of the roof.

“Where’d you get that light from?” Zeke asked as he lit up a cigarette.

“Amazon. It was twenty dollars. We use them when we have cookouts in the summers. Lights up the whole neighborhood,” Levi said simply.

“I need to get one of those. Well, Niccolo and I should be leaving. If this blows up, call me,” Zeke said as he walked towards the van.

“You girls pack up equipment so much faster than us! Thanks!” Niccolo said before he climbed into the passenger seat of the van. “I’ll call you later, Sasha!”

Mikasa finally made her way into the backyard, her face clearly stained with tears. She had no shoes on.

Everyone stared at her and Eren.

None of them moved to do anything.

“Alright, everyone inside. Mikasa and Eren go upstairs. The rest of you are going to come with me. No spying,” Hange ordered. “No getting sick either. Come on.”

Everyone did as they were told.

Eren followed Mikasa into her room.

Once the door was closed, Mikasa threw her arms around h im.

“Can’t breathe. Too tight,” Eren croaked out.

“Oh. Sorry.” Mikasa loosened her grip on him and Eren hugged her back.

“So you liked the song then?” Eren laughed.

“Yeah,” she muttered as she rested her head on his shoulder.

They stayed like that for a while.

Mikasa could hear his heart beating.

She had taken to just listening to it.

Eren had no complaints.

Finally, they broke apart.

“You really remember those pictures of me?” Mikasa finally asked.

Eren laughed, “yeah, I do. I remember how you were obsessed with wearing glasses.”

She started to turn red again. Eren sat down on her bed. Mikasa watched him for a moment before she sat down on the end of the bed next to him.

“Why do you love that thing so much?” He asked her before tugging on the scarf.

“You gave it to me. On the first day we met, you gave it to me.”

“I remember,” he smiled at her. He released the scarf.

“I..I don’t want you to leave again. I won’t be able to handle it.” She teared up again.

She was sick of crying because of Eren, for Eren.

She wanted nothing more for things to go back to normal but she didn’t have the first clue about how to do that.

“I won’t. I was just as miserable without you. I didn’t play that song just to win you back...I didn’t know how to say it to you. I wrote most of that right after the break up. I didn’t know how to deal with it either. So I came up with this plan to play it for you. Got everyone involved. Levi was up on the roof with one those spotlight things and Hange plugged in the lights in the backyard. Annie and Armin held the door closed. You saw Historia and Ymir’s roles. I wanted it to be big, special. I just didn’t want to play it for you but I didn’t want to play it in front of a crowd either. Well, besides your family. They don’t count. Then I got into a fight with Floch about you and I didn’t want to wait anymore.”

“That fight with Floch was about me?”

Eren nodded before he looked away from Mikasa. “Look, Mikasa, we both suck at communication and I know a song isn’t going to fix anything. I know I still have a long road in front of me but I want the end of that road to end with you.”

“It won’t,” Mikasa said.

Eren’s heart began to break.

He nodded.

He understood.

“It shouldn’t be like that. I’m not a goal, Eren. That was the problem before. I want to be beside you while you’re going down that long road.”

They made eye contact again.

“Yeah?” he asked quietly.

“Yeah, we should be equals, remember?”

He stared at her.

“I still love you,” Eren finally said after a moment.

“I know,” she smiled at him.

“Did you just Han Solo me?” Eren asked her.

Mikasa laughed.

“Maybe,” she said before she bit her lip.

“I showed you those movies! I should get to say I know. I can’t believe this,” he teased her.

“You broke our date so you deserve it.” Mikasa picked up a pillow from her bed and hugged it. She finally noticed Eren’s backpack was on the floor. “So I take it you’re staying here? What if I received the song badly?”

“I knew you wouldn’t. I do know you.”

“Not well enough to know you should just tell me shit.” She took the pillow she was holding and gently hit him with it.

“Really? What are you? Nine again?” he scoffed.

She hit him again.

“Okay! Now it’s on!”

Eren grabbed a pillow off of Mikasa’s bed and hit her back with it.

She ran and threw the door open to the bedroom.

Eren continued to chase her.

They ran past Levi and Hange in the living room as they swung pillows wildly at one another.

Levi just sighed as Hange laughed.

Their chase continued.

Armin was talking with Sasha in the kitchen as Mikasa ran around the table.

She had hoped to lose Eren that way.

It wasn’t effective.

He stayed right behind her.

She swung at him again and accidentally hit Sasha with the pillow.

“Hey! That was me!” Sasha yelled as Mikasa retreated from the kitchen.

“Sorry!” Mikasa yelled back. Eren was too close now.

Sawney and Bean gave into the nonsense as they chased Eren and Mikasa.

Levi sighed louder as they passed him and Hange’s laughter grew too.

Mikasa ran towards the sun room and quickly made a turn towards the basement at the last s econd.

Ymir, Annie, and Historia poked their heads out of the sun room.

“Are they running with pillows?” Annie’ asked.

“Yeah, looks like it,” Ymir answered.

“That’s cute!” Historia squealed.

Mikasa ran down the stairs and just as she was about to step down on the bottom step, Eren grabbed her by her waist. He threw her over his shoulder, causing her to drop the pillow. He held her with one arm before grabbing the dropped pillow. He held two pillows in one hand while keeping Mikasa on his shoulder with the other.

Mikasa was impressed.

“Did you get stronger?” She asked as Eren climbed the stairs with her draped over his shoulders.

“Physical therapy. I started going to the gym more afterwards too.”

“Remember that time I threw you over my shoulder?” She asked as he walked from the basement stairs to the upstairs staircase.

“Yeah, this payback.”

“Only it’s what….seven years late?”

“That is besides the point.”

“I can still pick you up though.”

“Oh, I’m well aware.”

“You still don’t have a butt,” she remarked as she poked him in the back.

“I’m glad to know you’re looking at my ass right now.”

“You should stop skipping leg day.”

“I don’t skip leg day!”

They arrived back at Mikasa’s room.

Eren gently sat her down on the bed.

“I thought about dropping you but that would have been mean. You’re more of the one to do that,” He teased her.

“Hey, you deserved it. You were trying to pick a fight and I put an end to it.”

“Yeah, by picking me up like a toddler,” he scoffed as he sat back down next to her.

“Then don’t act like a toddler.”

“Well, don’t make other guys be interested in you!”

“Wait...is that why you always picked a fight with Jean?”

Eren went red before he scratched the back of his head. “I thought that was kind of obvious.”

“Wait, Eren….how long did you have a crush on me?”

Eren turned a new shade of red.

This was not a conversation they had had before.

“Uh..um...a while?”

“Eren….”

He sighed for a moment before he looked away from her. “Same day that I gave you that scarf,” he finally answered.

“Oh.”

“Yeah, I could tell you didn’t feel the same. I mean we were nine. It didn’t really matter.”

“I thought you were a prince, saving me for Daz. I...I felt the same way.”

Eren looked back at her. “We’re really bad at this.”

“Yeah, but we’ve got time. Besides, maybe instead of just writing songs we should talk. I just...I don’t want to annoy you.”

“You never annoy me. I mean sometimes I get mad because I thought you saw me as this child who couldn’t do anything. I thought you thought I was stupid and useless. I don’t know. I just wanted to prove myself to you back then. So I’d get mad.”

“I’ve never thought you were useless. I thought you were stupid for what you did and how you couldn’t see my feelings for you.”

“We’ve wasted a lot of time, huh?” Eren asked.

“Doesn’t matter. Maybe it’s better that we’ve had to go through all that. Now we can try again.”

“So, how do we do this?”

It felt all too familiar.

“I don’t have the slightest clue,” Mikasa laughed again.

“I really missed hearing you laugh,” he confessed.

Mikasa blushed.

“I guess...we do it right this time. But you...you need to read the letter and look at the flash drive. Just not while I’m here.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s embarrassing.”

“Okay, I’ll wait then.”

“Then you can call me and we’ll go from there.”

Mikasa nodded, “what about tonight?”

“Tonight….I’m going to kick your ass in video games,” Eren said before he switched on the tv and console. He grabbed a controller and handed her the other one.

“Hey! I’ve got better. Do you not see my rankings?” She asked.

“Yeah, yeah but that’s not against me,” he smirked as he sat back down on the bed.

“Bring it on,” she said.

The game began.

#mmtylif #my writing

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skepticalcatfrog · 4 years

Text

Every Week on Thursday (Aurora High School)

Introduction Part One Introduction Part Two Masterpost

Summary: When Finian realizes just how much he’s struggling in Social Studies, he turns to Scarlett for help.

Pairings: (Pre-romantic) Scarlett Jones x Finian de Seel

Word count: 4,090

Author’s Notes: Guess who’s back and better than ever with some brand new content! It’s ya girl! I’ve been in a real creative slump you guys, but I finally got something done and I’m feeling GOOD! (Requests for this au are still open, by the way! I can’t guarantee that I’ll do every one I get, but we’ll see.)

Important Author’s Notes: This story contains a character who is disabled. I did do some research, but since I don’t have a disability, it’s virtually impossible for me to be an expert on the topic. If you are more knowledgeable about this than I might be, and you notice an inaccuracy, please let me know what it is and I’ll try to fix it!

January 16th, Thursday

Finian hated Social Studies. It was as simple as that. He figured, why should he have to learn about a bunch of old people when most of them were assholes anyway? Not to mention the fact that he just couldn’t get the hang of it. He could never focus on studying, often found himself spacing out during class, and thusly struggled with tests and quizzes. He managed to keep his grades pretty high, and if anyone were to ask he’d say it was just luck, but in reality he found it insanely easy to get away with cheating.

For some reason, though, he’d decided that it was time to put in some effort. He knew he wouldn’t be able to do it on his own, so he’d concocted a plan. He would get himself a tutor. But it couldn’t be just anyone. No, it had to be someone he trusted. Fortunately for him, he knew exactly who that person would be.

The moment the final bell rang, he was off. Fin’s classmates rarely let him leave first, even though they almost definitely should’ve, so he was usually last. As he maneuvered his way through the hall, he looked around for the girl who would (hopefully) agree to be his tutor. Then he spotted her fiery red hair, and almost instinctively smiled. She was standing at her locker, packing her books into her backpack. He weaved around his classmates as he tried to get to her.

“Scarlett!” He called out, hoping she’d be close enough to hear him. Sure enough, she turned and waved.

“Good afternoon, Finian.” Scarlett said as he stopped beside her. She started walking down the hall, and he followed alongside her. “I’m going to the front door, is that out of your way?”

“Nope, not at all.” Fin lied, hoping she wouldn’t notice.

“Okay then, what’s up?”

“I’ve got a problem.” Fin got straight to the point. “I have a big test coming up in Social Studies, and I know nothing. My head is empty, there’s just clouds and stuff in there. Long story short, I need someone to tutor me.”

“Okay… and why are you asking me?” She raised an eyebrow.

“You’re, like, an expert at Social Studies. Why would I ask anyone but the expert?” Fin said as if it was obvious. Then, worried that he was coming on too strong, he added one more point. “Plus, you’re my friend, so I trust you to not fuck it up. For the most part.”

Scarlett laughed and shook her head. “You really have a way with words, don’t you?”

“It’s my specialty.” He ran a hand through his hair in an attempt to slick it back, but it immediately bounced back again. “So, what do you say?”

“Sure, I’ll do it. I’ve got nowhere better to be anyway.” Scarlett shrugged. “What were you thinking for times and locations?”

“Well, I would say my house, but that’s a no for a few reasons. For example, my siblings and cousins never shut up. Plus my parents would flip their shit if a girl visited who 1, isn’t related to us, and 2, isn’t with my cousin Dariel. I’ve got no clue how he gets girls in the first place, but somehow he does.” Fin said, already feeling like he’d given plenty of unnecessary information. “So do you have any ideas?”

“We could go to the library.” Scarlett suggested. “It’s pretty quiet, plus all the books and things will be useful.”

“Which one, the old dusty one that looks like the set of a horror movie, or the big two-story one in the middle of town next to the movie theater?” Fin asked.

“The big one. It’s newer, so I assume it’ll have more up-to-date information.” Scarlett explained.

“I’ve never been in that one. And who knows, maybe after the boring stuff, we could catch a movie!” Fin winked. He was mostly joking, but not entirely. Apparently Scarlett had taken it as a joke, because she laughed a little, then brought the conversation back to the subject at hand.

“And as for times, I’m free on Tuesdays.” She told him.

Fin shook his head. “I’ve got practice for the play on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays. Friday, maybe?”

“Can’t, I’ve got debate club.” Scarlett thought for a moment. “What about Thursdays?”

“That works.” He nodded. “But today is Thursday, so does today count?”

“I’m going to say no, just because it’s too short notice. Next week, though, sure. What about 3:00, just to give us some time to freshen up after school?” Scarlett picked up her bag and started walking, Fin following alongside her even though his mom picked him up at the side of the school opposite the direction they were going.

“Is that your way of telling me you think I look bad?” Fin asked in false indignance.

“What? No.” Scarlett smiled.

“So you think I look good then?” He raised his eyebrows.

“Shut up, Finian.” Her smile widened and he couldn’t help but stare.

Okay, look. Finian definitely wasn’t much of a people person. He barely talked to anyone outside of the tightly knit friend group he’d made himself, unless of course he absolutely needed to. So what are the odds that he’d fallen for the exact opposite kind of person? Scarlett was extroverted, and was great at talking to people, had a smile that could light up a room, and was certainly more popular than Fin was. If it wasn’t for the fact that they were talking to each other at that very moment, he’d be convinced that she didn’t know he existed. He knew he’d never have a chance with her anyway. But still, there was something about her that drew him in, even though he figured it would end in disappointment anyway.

“I guess this is my stop.” Scarlett said as they approached the front door, pulling Fin out of his thoughts. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He waved to her as she left, waiting to move until the door had closed behind her. Once it had, he started on his way to the opposite end of the school, where his mom was most definitely already waiting for him.

January 23rd, Thursday #2

Scarlett had been sitting in the library and waiting for Fin for the past 30 minutes. She wondered if he’d decided to bail. He definitely had a habit of not admitting when he was struggling, so it was a possibility that he wouldn’t show. Maybe she should just leave and text him later, there was no use waiting if he wasn’t ever going to get there.

She got up and slung her bag over her shoulder, but just as she was about to start walking, the entrance opened. And there was Finian. But he wasn’t in his wheelchair like he usually was, instead using a pair of crutches to get around. She tried not to look too perplexed, figuring it was probably something personal. But he saw right through her.

“What, something on your mind?” He asked as he approached, taking a seat at the table and setting the crutches down beside him.

“No, it’s nothing.” Scarlett shook her head, sitting back down.

“It’s the crutches, isn’t it?” Fin asked, gesturing to the aforementioned objects. “I would’ve gone with the chair, but it’s just that this library isn’t wheelchair accessible. And I didn’t know that since I’ve never been here before, so my dad had to bring me back home to switch them out, which is also why I was so late.”

“But there’s a ramp outside, isn’t there?” Scarlett asked.

“Yeah, but that leads down to the kid’s section. To get up here from there, you have to go up the stairs. And there’s no elevator.” Fin explained. “I don’t usually go with my crutches, if I’m going to be out and about for a long time I’ll use the chair. At school, for example. I really only use these at home, and even there I rarely do.”

“That makes sense, yeah.” Scarlett nodded. “We could go somewhere else if you want, my house is usually pretty quiet.”

“No, no, it’s okay.” Fin held up his hand. “I’m already here, there’s no point in leaving now. Maybe we could figure something else out next time.”

“Okay, if you insist.” Scarlett twirled a lock of hair around her finger. “Anyway, back to the task at hand. What’s your grade in Social Studies?”

“I’ve got an 95, I think.” Fin told her. “Haven’t checked in a while.”

“How have you managed to keep your grades that high if you’re struggling as much as you say you are?” She asked, leaning forward and resting her arms on the table. “You probably don’t even need tutoring if you don’t want it. I’m starting to think this was all a trick just to spend a little extra time with me.”

“Would it be so bad if it was?” Fin smirked. “It’s not, though. I’ve actually been finding other, slightly more against-the-rules ways to keep my grades up.”

“Finian de Seel, do you cheat on your tests?” Scarlett didn’t know whether to be shocked or impressed. She’d only cheated a few times, and every time she’d gotten caught, so if he’d managed to exceed a passing grade just by cheating, that was crazy.

“You got me. For some reason, I never get caught, so I just keep doing it.” Fin shrugged. “But I do want to stop, which is why I asked you to teach me about all of this history shit.”

Scarlett blinked slowly. “How long have you been doing it?”

“Since freshman year, when my grades started falling flat.”

“And you retained at least some of that, right?”

“Absolutely none of it.” Fin said sarcastically. “I guess we’ll have to be here all night.”

“Oh, be quiet.” Scarlett laughed. She had to admit, as annoying as he tried to be, she really did enjoy spending time with Fin. “Anyway… should we go find some textbooks?”

February 2nd, Thursday #3

The next week, after a bit of discussion over the previous days, Fin and Scarlett came to an agreement that they should just try going to the de Karran-de Seel house for their tutoring session. They’d already checked out all of the books they needed from their previous trip to the library, and they could use online resources if they ended up needing anything else. Plus, as opposed to the idea as Fin was before, he knew he’d be the most comfortable at home.

That being said, he felt like the short 45 minutes between the moment he got home and when Scarlett was supposed to get there were the most stressful minutes of his entire life. He spent the majority of his time rallying his family into cleaning up the house a little bit. He didn’t give them much information, which might’ve been a mistake in hindsight, but at the time he didn’t really care.

When Scarlett did finally arrive, the first thing she noticed was how loud it was. She could hear all of the family’s conversation from outside. It was never that loud at home. She walked up to the door and knocked three times. A kid answered the door, maybe around 11 or 12 years old.

“Are you Fin’s friend?” The girl asked. She took Scarlett’s hand and pulled her inside before she had a chance to answer. “Fin! Your friend is here!”

As soon as she was inside, the next thing Scarlett noticed was that Fin’s house was seriously populated. She knew that he had a lot of family, but damn. They all turned to look at her when she walked in, but only for a moment before going back to their conversations. None of them seemed to be too eager to talk to her. And every one of them looked exactly like him, with his same white blond hair and big brown deer eyes. Some of them had freckles like he did, others didn’t. The only one who really stood out was the guy who she immediately identified as Dariel. The best way to describe him, in her mind, would be that he looked like a young Severus Snape. And that wasn’t a compliment. He looked up to shoot her a wink, then went back to whatever he was doing on his laptop.

“Oh, you must be Scarlett! Finian has told me so much about you.” A woman who she remembered to be Fin’s mom approached her, leading her further into the house. “He’s in his room, if he hasn’t come out by now then he probably has his headphones on so he can’t hear us.”

As they dodged around family members, Scarlett couldn’t help but wonder if it was like this every day. She had to assume it was, Fin had made it very clear how many family members lived in the same house. She probably wouldn’t be able to survive a whole day in this house, and she didn’t know how he did it. Eventually, they got to a door at the end of a hallway next to the kitchen. Fin’s mom knocked on the door a few times, but when there was still no response after a few moments, she cracked open the door.

The inside of the room looked like an entirely different world. For starters, it was nearly pitch dark. It took Scarlett’s eyes a second to adjust. Not even natural light was coming in, because the curtains were drawn over the only window. There was a light in the ceiling, too, but it wasn’t on. The fact that the walls were painted black didn’t help much with the darkness. Speaking of the walls, they were adorned with a variety of things.

There were posters for multiple musicals, only a few of which she recognized as ones that had been put on by the school. A bulletin board was hung on the wall, but she could barely tell what it was beneath all of the sketches and blueprints for what she assumed were set designs. A short bookshelf stood along one side of the room. It was stocked with books, but also a bunch of other stuff. Some notable examples were a seemingly homemade robot, a stack of CDs that may or may not have been burned already, a pile of tangled up earbuds, and a small plastic bag full of zippers and loose buttons, among other things.

The floor wasn’t carpeted, it was hardwood like the rest of the house. The bed was in the corner of the room, and it didn’t look like it had been made in at least a few days. It had two pillows on it, but only one was at the head of the bed and the other was at the foot of the bed. Two beaten up notebooks had been thrown onto it carelessly, one purple and the other yellow. Otherwise, though, the room was pretty clean.

Fin himself was sitting at a desk that was opposite the bed. He had a pair of bulky wireless headphones on, and his face was illuminated by the bright light of the computer he was using. He was typing something up, maybe a screenplay. The music playing through his headphones was way too loud, and she could tell because he was singing along pretty loudly too. She had to stifle a laugh, but not because he sounded bad or anything. He actually had quite an impressive voice. It was just that he must not have known exactly how loud he was being.

Fin’s mother entered the room and gently put her hand on his arm. Despite how careful she was being, he still flinched and the room dropped to silence immediately. He looked up at his mom, slid his headphones off and hung them around his neck. “Uh, hey. What’s up?”

“Sorry I startled you, I thought I should let you know that your friend is here.” She stepped aside to reveal Scarlett, who was still standing in the doorway. She offered a small wave.

Fin’s eyebrows shot up. “Oh. Okay.” He hoped that she couldn’t see the redness rising in his face. She could.

“Alright then, I’ll leave you to it! Just let me know if you need anything.” His mom made her way towards the door, flicking the light switch on her way out. “You have to turn a light on in here sometimes, Finian. Someone’s going to trip on something one day.”

“So… not a fan of lights, huh?” Scarlett moved the notebooks aside and sat down on the bed. With the ceiling light on, she could see everything much better. “What song was that? You sounded really good.”

“You- you think so?” Fin stammered, turning his chair around to face her. His eyes were wide, his mouth hanging slightly open. For a second, he forgot he’d even been asked a question. “Oh, right, the song! It was What I Know Now. From the Beetlejuice musical. It takes some pretty powerful female vocals, but I can usually manage.”

“Well I think you killed it. I know you said that you’re on the tech crew, but have you ever considered actually auditioning for the play?”

“Nah, I’d probably just pass out immediately if I went to an audition. Let’s just say I haven’t taken to performing in front of people yet.” Fin was quick to change the topic. Because the truth was, as much as he did want to perform for an audience, he knew that he would be way too nervous to actually go through with it. He’d rather just go at his own pace. He gestured to the bookshelf, which was holding the textbooks they’d picked up the previous week. “I’ve been skimming through one of those books. It hasn’t been the most fun in the world, but y'know. Anything for the pursuit of knowledge.”

“Which one was it?” Scarlett asked, shifting to look at the books he was pointing at.

Fin left his spot at the desk and went over to the bookshelf. He couldn’t remember the name of the book, so he just picked up the one he was talking about and handed it to her. “This one. I read chapters 22 and 23, like you said to. And I did the questions. They’re in the purple notebook, right there.”

Apparently the notebooks weren’t as thoroughly used as she’d first suspected, because when she opened the purple one, only one page had been used. Both the front and back of it had been used to answer the 16 questions, 8 for each chapter. Aside from that, there were about a thousand doodles in the margins and along the top of the page, including little stick figure drawings of their entire friend group. She couldn’t help but smile at that. She took a second to read his answers.

“These are all right!” Scarlett closed the notebook and placed it back down next to her. “Great job.”

“And get this: I didn’t look up any of the answers.” Fin smiled wider than Scarlett had ever seen. Like, straight-up grinned. Not the usual cocky, teasing smirk. Not any sarcasm. Seeing him so happy, it made Scarlett feel… well, she didn’t quite know what the feeling was. But it was definitely a good one.

“That’s great, Fin!” She reached out and put her hand on his arm. “You’re doing a really good job with this, even just over one week.”

“Thanks. I’ve been feeling a lot better about my grades, like I can actually earn them.” Fin leaned forward to pick up the textbook, then turned around, went back to his desk and put it down there. “My future is bright, Scar!”

“Speaking of grades, what about your test? Are you feeling better about that?”

“Oh, yeah, for sure.” He turned back towards her. “I only read chapters 22 and 23, so we’ve still got the next two to go. Which is perfect! Because the test is on Monday two weeks from now, so we’ll have one more Thursday to go, which gives me time to finish both chapters.”

“Then I’m assuming you want today to be a review day?” She asked, clapping her hands once.

“Ugh, please and thank you. You’re the best teacher ever.” Fin laughed.

Scarlett stood up and grabbed another book from the bookshelf. “We’d better get started then.”

February 9th, Thursday #4

Fin quickly came to the conclusion that having a tutoring session at his house wasn’t bad the first time, but he’d rather not do it again. After Scarlett had left, his family asked him endless questions about her. Including Dariel, who asked if she was single, to which Fin had to begrudgingly reply that she was. In conclusion, he didn’t want to do that again.

In the end, they settled on the last location being Scarlett’s house. It was poetic, in a way, that they were studying to avoid cheating in the house where the principal lived. Which made Fin nervous, for good reason. Despite not wanting to continue cheating, he’d already done it many times, so he could still get in trouble for it.

Extremely luckily, the day was uneventful. Productive, definitely, but nothing particularly interesting happened. That day felt much more structured than the two previous weeks. When Fin had arrived, Scarlett had already set up a study station in the living room. Because everything they needed was already laid out, they got to work right away, and the hour that they had flew by.

February 21st, Tuesday

Fin caught up with Scarlett between third and fourth periods. He’d just gotten his test back, graded. And he had to tell her immediately. He pulled her aside, hoping that people would know not to bump into them.

“Scarlett. You aren’t going to believe this.” He grabbed his backpack, took a folder out of it, and flipped through the papers inside to find the test packet. He held it out for her to see. “83 percent! That’s, like, a B! It’s not much considering what I used to get when I cheated, but-”

“Fin, this is awesome! Even better than all that other stuff.” Scarlett assured him. “And you want to know why? Because this time, you did it yourself.”

Fin’s eyebrows drew together in thought, then a small smile tugged at the corners of his lips. “You’re right. This one’s going on my wall, I think.” He decided, turning the paper around to take a look at it himself.

“It should. I’m really proud of you, Fin.” Scarlett leaned down and kissed him on the cheek.

His face reddened and he did that oh-so-endearing broken engine sputter. “I- uh, yeah. Well, y'know, the real reason I asked you to help me with this is because you’re one of the smartest people I know.” He wasn’t even worried about keeping his cool anymore. He’d completely lost whatever train of thought he might’ve had.

Now it was Scarlett’s turn to be surprised. “Really?” She tried her best to not let him know how big of a deal it was that he’d said that to her. She’d been called a lot of things. Some of them good, others not so much. But no one had ever thought to call her smart. It felt great. Because truth be told, as much as she struggled in some classes, she considered herself really good at some others. It was truly something else to finally have someone appreciate that.

“I mean, yeah.” Fin was starting to come to his senses, but he couldn’t take back what he said. And he wouldn’t want to anyway. “You’re really good at a bunch of crap that I suck at, which is awesome.”

“Thank you, Fin. I really, really appreciate it.” She reached out and ruffled his hair. Then the warning bell rang. “We should probably get to class, shouldn’t we.”

“Definitely. Wouldn’t want to end up in Adams’s office after we put in all this work to not do that.” Fin agreed.

They, somewhat reluctantly, went their separate ways. They couldn’t just skip their next classes, as much as they might want to. They’d get to talk again later. The best part was, though, that they left down the hallway both feeling just a little bit more confident in themselves. And neither of them would be willing to confirm that they thought about each other for the rest of the day. But they wouldn’t deny it either.

Taglist: @taco-taco-belle @ceceism @confusionnoises @bubblegumstardust @incorrectauroracyclequotes (Ask to be on the taglist!)

#the aurora cycle #aurora cycle #aurora cycle book one #aurora cycle book two #aurora rising #aurora burning #squad 312 #scarlett jones #finian de karran de seel #finian de seel #fin de karran de seel #fin de seel #finlett #scarlian #fanfic #aurora high school au

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coppicefics · 3 years

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Masked Omens: Week Four

[Image Description: Image 1 - A simple rendition of the Masked Singer UK logo, a golden mask with colourful fragments flying off of it. The mask has a golden halo and a golden devil tail protruding from either side. Below, gold text reads ‘Masked Omens’.

Image 2 - A page from the Opinion section of the Capital Herald, dated Saturday, 16th January, 2021. Full image description and transcript below the cut. End ID.]

Read the fic here!

(Falling records template from Pixeden)

The Capital Herald, Saturday 16th January 2021 Opinion, page 20

Main Story: TOFFLEY GATE: FIFTEEN YEARS ON, IT’S NO HOME Where is the affordable housing that was promised? And why can’t local people get access to it? The Toffley Gate development once seemed like that most elusive of rarities; a politician's campaign promise made real. When Lawrence Richmond, a distinguished barrister, was elected as MP for Toffley South in 2005, it was partly on the strength of his pledge to build a brand new block of affordable accommodation for the people of Toffley. In fact, if you ask most local voters why the future Transport Secretary won his seat, they'll point in the direction of Toffley Gate. The development, it was claimed, would create jobs in the area, boost property values, and allow more buyers and renters on low incomes to invest wisely in their future. Fifteen years on, how are those claims holding up? Well, the development did indeed bring in construction jobs, as well as long-term positions in the shops and services on Toffley Gate's street level. As construction continued, however, some concerns were raised – even as early as February of 2006, seven months before the grand opening – that changes to the specification meant almost all the flats in the towering buildings would be described as luxury apartments, rather than affordable housing. But as long as they were still rented out at low rates, that wasn't necessarily a bad thing. When the development's 312 flats were put on the market, however, 276 of them were priced at luxury rates. The remaining thirty-six were a single block of small studio apartments, suitable for a single occupant or two, a far cry from the family homes Richmond had promised to provide. Protests followed, in 2009 and 2010, but it was too late. Now, fifteen years on, only 194 Toffley Gate units are occupied. The rest remain empty and useless, far beyond the means of most local residents and workers. The Capital Herald popped into the local coffee shop to canvas opinions. “Oh, they're lovely, aren't they?” said Gladys Jones, retired, who'd stopped in with her grandson, Chris, a student. “I'd love one of those balconies, but not on my pension.” And Chris? “They're going for what, two or three grand a month? I could work for years and never save up enough to live there.” What would he like to see done with the place? “Drop the prices, maybe set them up as student accommodation, the uni's always oversubscribed. Or just... make sure normal people can afford them, you know?” “I put my name on the waiting list for the cheap flats when the place opened, when I was about twenty-five,” Jenny Tyler, a teacher, told me. I asked her what changed her mind. “No, I'm still on the list. Fifteen years, I'm still on the list.” Has she considered applying for one of the more expensive unused units? “No. On a teacher's pay? No, in fact, I'm moving back in with my dad. It's cheaper to commute in from Tadfield than to keep paying rent in Toffley.” And what of those behind the counter? Of the three employees on shift, two had joined the waiting list for the affordable housing at Toffley Gate. All three agreed that they'd love to live in one of the fancier units, if it were possible. One, Tom, has a second job as a cleaner on the development. “I have to clean all the luxury homes, even the empty ones,” he said. “And there are a lot of empty ones. Even the ones where you can tell someone's moved in, there's hardly any sign of life. It almost seems like an investment property type thing, but I don't know how they can be making money without sub-letting it.” When approached for comment, Lawrence Richmond – an Eton graduate who lives in a large historic house with his wife and son – argued that he is not responsible for market rates, nor for setting the level of affordable housing provision within the development. Why, then, did he make such grandiose promises during his election campaign in 2005? And why, sixteen years on and after several protests, is he still in office? If Richmond is as keen on affordable housing as he claimed to be in 2005 – as he has continued to claim, during the run-up to every local election since then – there must be something he can do, in his capacity as Toffley's MP, to encourage the building's owners, Selectan Homes Plc, to lower rents and allow lower-income families to access the many unoccupied units in the building. Surely it would be a win-win situation; Selectan would reap the rewards of a fully-let building, existing Toffley Gate residents would benefit from an invigorated community, and local people could live in the area where they actually worked. The businesses established at the base of the Toffley Gate tower blocks would have as many customers as they could want. In short, Lawrence Richmond, what are you waiting for? TINA MOON

[Image Description: A colour photograph of a gleaming block of flats. End ID] [Caption] Toffley Gate gleams in the sunshine. But are its units overpriced? (Photo: Daniel Brubaker on Unsplash)

Right hand column: OLD TUNES ARE BEST How wonderful to hear some music from the good old days on ITV’s The Masked Singer. When I sat down to watch it - under duress, I’ll admit, and largely to keep my wife and daughters happy - I expected nothing but noise of the variety that makes up the modern singles chart. Imagine my surprise and delight, then, when several of the songs reminded me of the heady days of my youth. Some, of course, were older still, overshooting the perfect era of my teenage years to land in the tragically uncool Jazz Age, but for the most part over the last few weeks I have been able to sing along with abandon, embarrassing my daughters no end and infuriating my wife, who is desperately trying to ascertain the identities of all of the disguised celebrities inside the ludicrous costumes. I doubt we’ve ever heard any of those voices before, given that the really big names in entertainment no doubt have better things to do than make such fools of themselves on a Saturday night, so I won’t be participating in the silly guessing game. Instead, I’m picking my favourites based on the songs they sang in the first few weeks. Snake is my favourite, by virtue of singing a Whitesnake song in the first live show, and it was a good enough performance that I will, for now, dismiss last week’s show as merely a momentary lapse in skill and judgement. Bonfire got everyone in my house smiling with ‘Disco Inferno’, and it’s rare that my children and I agree on anything, so they have to be the house favourite. Axolotl chose wisely in channelling Kermit the Frog, a universally beloved entertainer, and Pony’s tribute to America with ‘Horse With No Name’ was very enjoyable, too. So, I don’t know who Snake is but I’m rooting for them anyway, it seems. Who knows what tonight will bring? READER’S LETTER FROM DEREK METTE

Coupon, bottom third of page: [Image Description: Graphic of two falling record sleeves, with corresponding vinyl records also falling beside them. The first album sleeve shows two silhouettes of a face, looking towards each other in the style of the face/vase optical illusion, and is labelled “talking about it - Anathema”. The second shows a closeup of hands holding a book, and is labelled “Anathema - Narrative Devices”. At the bottom of the graphic are track listings. “Talking About It: Talking About it, Here I Go, Talking in Circles, The Magic Word, Seventh Sense, Pour My Heart Out, Nobody’s Fault, For A Spell, Living In The Past, Parting Words. Narrative Devices: Narrative Devices, Stab In The Dark, Look Before You Leap, Out Of The Crowd, Daisy Chains, I Hate To Leave, Ashes, Eagle Eyes, End of Days, Parting Ways.” End ID.] EXCLUSIVE DISCOUNT FOR CAPITAL HERALD READERS Exclusive to the Capital Herald, this voucher entitles you to 50% off the listed price of Anathema's first album, Talking About It, when you buy her new album, Narrative Devices. Featuring hit singles 'Daisy Chains' and 'End of Days', Narrative Devices has been described as 'a breath of fresh air for folk music' and 'a powerful meditation on the stories we tell ourselves every day'. 'Talking About It' contains the gorgeous ballad 'For A Spell', which has already sold over half a million units as a single in the two years since its release. Don't miss out on this amazing deal! Just take this coupon to your nearest participating retailer, or enter code CAP50 when ordering online. [Image Description: A barcode marked ‘FOR RETAILER USE’, from barcode.tec-it.com, and a QR code, from qr-code-generator.com. End ID.] Voucher expires 12AM 23/01/21. At participating retailers only. While stocks last. Not valid outside of fanfiction. For full terms and conditions, see page 28.

#masked omens #mo week four #good omens fic #very much fake news #masked singer au #mine

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torturedwarrior · 4 years

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David Berkowitz A.K.A “Son of Sam”

Who is David Berkowitz? Why do they call him The Son of Sam? What is the date of the first attack by The Son of Sam? Which couple was attacked by Berkowitz on January 30, 1977? David Berkowitz also known as the Son of Sam, was an American serial killer who murdered six people in New York City in 1976to 1977. His crimes plunged the city into a panic and unleashed one of the largest man hunts in New York history. Berkowitz was a rough boy, often abusive. When his adoptive mother died in 1967, his irrational behavior, intensifying when his adoptive dad remarried in 1971, moved to Florida without him. Berkowitz joined the army in 1971. Upon leaving service in 1974, he became an excellent leader. He set some 1500 flames in New York City in the middle of the 1970s, according to Berkowitz's book. In December 1975, Berkowitz claimed to have been possessed by spirits and attempted to kill a child. In July 1976 he then murdered a woman, assaulting multiple couples the next year, reporting five more casualties. He sent letters to New York publications after his murdering sperm and signed "Son of Sam," a joke about a demon that his friend Sam Carr believed was residing in the Black Labrador retriever. Berkowitz early life: The Jewish-American hardware merchant Nathan and Pearl Berkowitz, who was born Richard David Falco to a poorly-deprived Jewish mother on 1 June 1953, in Brooklyn, New York, at a young age. He was a brilliant boy, apparently, but in his own way troubled. After being loyal to his mum, as a youth he had to deal with her death a very difficult time. Berkowitz was born in the United States at the age of 18. Army served and honored as a qualified marker in South Korea. Berkowitz returned to New York after finishing his military service in 1974 where he got a job as a letter sorter for the United States. Settled in the Yonkers building and postal service. He was identified by neighbors and friends as a loner who kept himself alone. The Son of Sam Murders: The murdering spree began on 29 July 1976 with two adolescent girls, Jody Valenti and Donna Lauria in the Bronx. Both were sitting in the car of Valenti in front of Lauria's house when Berkowitz shot Lauria, injured Valenti and fired at them. Berkowitz was again there a few months later. When he saw a couple in a car, he shot at them, causing huge skull injury. Berkowitz also shot two teen girls together and left a paraplegic in November. The officers had yet to bring together these cases and know that they were connected with them. But everything changed when Berkowitz stabbed a couple in a parked vehicle in January 1977. Berkowitz twice fired, missing Freund's leg, and later proved a deadly one, confronting Christine Freund with her fiancé. As Berkowitz was using the same pistol of the caliber of 44 in all its killings, the police were on their way, referring to him first as the ".44 caliber rapist," later leading to the name of the "Son of Sam." In March, Berkowitz killed Virginia Voskerichian, a college student while she was leaving her home. In their car in the following month Berkowitz mentioned another pair, Valentina Suriani and Alexander Esau, but he left a letter to Captain Joseph Borrelli in the vicinity of NYPD this time calling himself the first "Son of Sam." Berkowitz left several letters next to the corpses of his victims in his brutal strip and choked the police and eluded them. As a result, his activities were extensively covered in the media and Berkowitz welcomed the spotlight. Throughout the whole process, New Yorkers were terrified of their next victim. The last hit by Berkowitz occurred in Brooklyn in the early hours of 31 July 1977. Stacy and Bobby Violante fired it. Moscowitz died later, and Violante's eye was blinded and the rest of his hearing was impaired from trauma. Luckily, a witness saw something on the scene in the police that helped break the case. A witness saw a man in a vehicle that had a ticket on it at the scene of the Moskowitz-Violante films. There were only a few tickets that day, one of which was for Berkowitz. He was arrested by police on 10 August 1977. Berkowitz said, "Oh, you have me," according to The New York Times, as they put him in detention. Son of Sam' Dog In interrogation, he explained that his friend Sam Carr had been ordered to kill and that he had delivered texts through his dog, a demon-protected Labrador retriever named Harvey, to Berkowitz. Due to his outrageous claims, he had been mentally tested in several ways but found "competent." Berkowitz was put to trial. He perpetrated the six murders and almost 1.500 explosions in New York City in 1978. Berkowitz executed his crime. For each crime, he was given 25 years to life. The hearing for Berkowitz's conviction was dramatic — at the judge's decision, he threatened to leap out of the window of the 7th floor trial. “I have several children who I'm turning into killers. Wait till they grow up.”-- David Berkowitz. “A 'possessed' dog in the neighborhood won't let me stop killing until he gets his fill of blood.” -- David Berkowitz. After his conviction, Berkowitz has retracted the story of his own-owned puppy, "Son of Sam," saying "Everything was a liar, a dumb hoox" to his therapist David Abrahamsen in his letter of 20 March 1979. He also said that he was part of a militant culte that helped him carry out the murders, and that John and Michael Carr (the sons of Sam Carr) helped him. Berkowitz was tremendous money to tell his story. Nearly all nations–including New York–however have laws that prevent convicted criminals from profiting directly from books, films and other industries linked to their convictions, also known as "Son of Sam Regulations." While Son of Sam's story has been widely published in the newspapers, Berkowitz does not benefit financially from his or her artworks. In 1996 Yonkers police re-opened Berkowitz's case to look into some of his allegations, but the probe has been suspended but remains unclosed, since there have been no significant findings. Although he was repeatedly put on parole (most recently in 2016 and in 2018 for 16th time) he was consistently refused release. He was also granted a pardon. Berkowitz's tenure in Wallkill, New York is at the Shawangunk Correctional Facility. “I didn't want to hurt them, I only wanted to kill them.” -- David Berkowitz. “Sudden death and bloodshed appealed to me.” -- David Berkowitz. “The people and the news media used to call me 'The Son of Sam,' but God has given me a new name, 'The Son of Hope,' because now my life is about hope.” -- David Berkowitz. David Richard Berkowitz, known also as the Son of Sam and the .44 Caliber Killer, is an American serial killer who pleaded guilty to eight separate shooting attacks that began in New York City during the summer of 1976. Take a look below for 30 more scary and bizarre facts about David Berkowitz. 1. His crimes were perpetrated with a .44 caliber Bulldog revolver, 2. He killed six people and wounded seven others by July 1977. 3. As the number of victims increased, Berkowitz eluded the biggest police manhunt in the history of New York City while leaving letters that mocked the police and promised further crimes, which were highly publicized by the press. 4. His killing spree terrorized New Yorkers and achieved worldwide notoriety. 5. On the night of August 10, 1977, Berkowitz was taken into custody by New York City police homicide detective in front of his Yonkers apartment building, and he was subsequently indicted for eight shooting incidents. 6. He confessed to all of them, and initially claimed to have been obeying the orders of a demon, manifested in the form of a dog, “Harvey,” who belonged to his neighbor “Sam.” 7. Despite his explanation, Berkowitz was found mentally competent to stand trial. He pleaded guilty to second degree murder and was incarcerated in state prison. 8. He subsequently admitted that the dog-and-devil story was a hoax. 9. In the course of further police investigation, Berkowitz was also implicated in many unsolved arsons in the city. 10. Intense coverage of the case by the media lent a kind of celebrity status of Berkowitz, and some observers noted that he seemed to enjoy it. 11. In response, the New York State legislature enacted new legal statues, known popularly as “Son of Sam laws,” designed to keep criminals from profiting financially from the publicity created by their crimes. 12. Despite various amendments and legal challenges, the statues have remained law in New York, and similar laws have been enacted in several other states. 13. Berkowitz has been incarcerated since his arrest and is serving six consecutive life sentences. 14. During the mid-1990s, he amended his confession to claim that he had been a member of a violent Satanic cult that orchestrated the incidents as ritual murder. 15. He remains the only person ever charged with the shootings. 16. Although some law enforcement authorities have questioned whether Berkowitz’s claims are credible, a new investigation of the murders began in 1996, but was suspended indefinitely after inconclusive findings. 17. Berkowitz was born Richard David Falco on June 1, 1953, in Brooklyn, New York. 18. His mother, Elizabeth Broder, was first married to Tony Falco but the marriage didn’t last. 19. She conceived David with her new partner, Joseph Klineman, but chose to give him the surname Falco for unknown reasons. 20. A few days after his birth, he was adopted by a middle aged, childless Jewish couple, Nathan and Pearl Berkowitz. They altered his name to David Richard Berkowitz. 21. His childhood was a troubled one. Although he was a child of above-average intelligence, he was caught up in petty theft and bullying. 22. He was distraught after the death of his adoptive mother, whom he adored, when he was just 14 years old. 23. He joined the U.S. Army when he was 18 years old. 24. After three years of service, he was discharged honorably from the force in 1974, following which he came back to New York. 25. He got a job at the Postal Service and stayed at a rented apartment in the city.

26. It was during this time that he located his biological mother and discovered that he has a half-sister by the name of Roslyn. 27. Some psychologists believe that the primary cause of his mental troubles is rooted in the abandonment issues that he faced from his biological parents. 28. Little is known about the people in Berkowitz’s life, if there were any. 29. He never married and has no close relatives. 30. There are some works of fiction based on him. “.44”, a fictionalized novel and “Summer of Sam,” a feature movie, deserve mention. He has also been the inspiration for songs like “Son of Sam,” “Looking Down the Barrel of a Gun,” and “Sam Son of Man.” Jimmy Breslin got a handwritten letter of someone who appeared to be the.44 caliber gunman on May 30th, 1977. The letter was posted in Englewood, New Jersey at the beginning of the day. The terms Blood and family–Hell and Death–Absolute Depravity–are on the reverse of the packet, well-printed in four specifically arranged sections. The inside letter read: Hello from the gutters of N.Y.C. which are filled with dog manure, vomit, stale wine, urine and blood. Hello from the sewers of N.Y.C. which swallow up these delicacies when they are washed away by the sweeper trucks. Hello from the cracks in the sidewalks of N.Y.C. and from the ants that dwell in these cracks and feed in the dried blood of the dead that has settled into the cracks. J.B., I'm just dropping you a line to let you know that I appreciate your interest in those recent and horrendous .44 killings. I also want to tell you that I read your column daily and I find it quite informative. Tell me Jim, what will you have for July twenty-ninth? You can forget about me if you like because I don't care for publicity. However you must not forget Donna Lauria and you cannot let the people forget her either. She was a very, very sweet girl but Sam's a thirsty lad and he won't let me stop killing until he gets his fill of blood. Mr. Breslin, sir, don't think that because you haven't heard from me for a while that I went to sleep. No, rather, I am still here. Like a spirit roaming the night. Thirsty, hungry, seldom stopping to rest; anxious to please Sam. I love my work. Now, the void has been filled. Perhaps we shall meet face to face someday or perhaps I will be blown away by cops with smoking .38's. Whatever, if I shall be fortunate enough to meet you I will tell you all about Sam if you like and I will introduce you to him. His name is "Sam the terrible." Not knowing what the future holds I shall say farewell and I will see you at the next job. Or should I say you will see my handiwork at the next job? Remember Ms. Lauria. Thank you. In their blood and from the gutter "Sam's creation" .44 Here are some names to help you along. Forward them to the inspector for use by N.C.I.C: "The Duke of Death" "The Wicked King Wicker" "The Twenty-Two Disciples of Hell" "John 'Wheaties' – Rapist and Suffocator of Young Girls. PS: Please inform all the detectives working the slaying to remain. P.S: JB, please inform all the detectives working the case that I wish them the best of luck. "Keep 'em digging, drive on, think positive, get off your butts, knock on coffins, etc." Upon my capture I promise to buy all the guys working the case a new pair of shoes if I can get up the money. Son of Sam. A conversation between the officer and the suspect: "Now that I've got you", Detective Falotico said to the suspect, "who have I got?" "You know," the man said in what the detective remembered was a soft, almost sweet voice. "No, I don't. You tell me." The man turned his head and said, "I'm Sam." "You're Sam? Sam who?" "Sam. David Berkowitz." David Berkowitz A.K.A the Son of Sam’s confession: In the early morning of 11 August 1977, Berkowitz was interviewed for nearly thirty minutes. He admitted immediately to the murders and expressed a desire to plead guilty. John Keenan, who made the confession, headed the prosecution. During the interview, Berkowitz said that one of the reasons why his neighbor's dog killed him was that his dog was seeking the blood of beautiful young people. He said his former neighbor Sam Carr was the "Sam" listed in his first message. Berkowitz believed Harvey was possessed by a witch from an old era who given unavoidable orders that Berkowitz had to kill people. He said that he was a Black Labrador retriever. Berkowitz was allowed to communicate with the press a few weeks after his detention and confession. In a letter of September 19, 1977 to the New York Post, Berkowitz made reference to its initial demonic possession article, but ended up with a note that some investigators perceived as an acknowledgment of complicity: "There are other Sons out there, God help the world." Berkowitz sentencing: The capacity of Berkowitz to face trial was identified in three different mental health assessments. Nevertheless, Berkowitz was told by defense lawyer to make a plea for not being insanely guilty, but Berkowitz declined. On May 8, 1978, he was silent in court, pleading guilty to all the attacks. Two weeks later, Berkowitz was forced to jump out of a window of the courthouse on the seventh floor when he was convicted. He constantly chanted "Stacy was a quire" after he was confined to it and yelled, "I was going to kill her again. I was going to kill both of them again." Throughout his assessment, Berkowitz drew an image of an imprisoned man surrounded by several walls; he wrote at the bottom, "I'm not well. Not very well at all." On 12 June 1978, for each assassination that Berkowitz has been serving, she was sentenced to 25 years in jail. He was given time in the Upstream New York Supermax Prison, in Attica Correctional Facility. In 25 years, Berkowitz had been declared eligible for parole given the lawyers ' objections. David Berkowitz A.k.A the Son of Sam’s Prison life: Shortly following his conviction, Berkowitz was held in the Kings County Hospital mental hospital, where the nurses confirmed that his new environment seemed to be unusually unsettled. The day after his release, he was transferred to Sing Prison and to the Upper state Psychological and Physique Test Center in Clinton. Four more months were spent before he was moved to Attica Prison at the Central New York Psychiatric Institute in Marcy. Berkowitz worked in Attica for nearly a decade (c. 1990), where he lived for a number of years until he was transferred to the Sullivan Correctional facility (Shawangunk Correctional Facility) in Fallsburg, NY. In Attica, Berkowitz called life a "nightmare." In 1979, Berkowitz tried to shake his left arm from front to back, leading to a cut that took more than fifty stitches to close. He simply confirmed that he was thankful for the assault–he brought a sense of justice or, in Berkowitz's own word, the sentence which I deserve. Berkowitz refused to identify his killer.

A.K.A.: "Son of Sam" - “The .44 Caliber Killer" • Birth name: Richard David Falco

• Classification: Serial killer • Characteristics: Claimed that neighbor's dog, Harvey, was possessed by an ancient demon, and that it issued commands to Berkowitz to kill • Number of victims: 6 • Date of murders: 1976 - 1977 • Date of arrest: August 10, 1977 • Date of birth: June 1, 1953 • Victims profile: Donna Lauria, 18 / Christine Freund, 26 / Virginia Voskerichian, 21 / Valentina Suriani, 18, and Alexander Esau, 20 / Stacy Moskowitz, 20 • Method of murder: Shooting (.44 caliber Charter Arms Bulldog revolver) • Location: New York City, New York, USA • Status: Sentenced to six life sentences in prison on June 12, 1978, making his maximum term some 365 years behind bars Son of Sam today: Son of Sam' Books and other books Nowadays Berkowitz has become a Catholic Christian after his time in prison. In his novel, Son of the Hope: Davis Prison (2006) and on his blog (run by his supporters) he now prefers to write "Son of Hope," as seen in his essay, "The Prison Journals" by David Berkowitz. Berkowitz's writings are not allowed to go over the Internet. In his book and on the website, he apologizes for his victims and their families. The prison officials announced on 12 December 2017 that Berkowitz was moved to a nearby hospital from the Shawangunk Correctional Facility. The New York’s Post and the Albany Times Union confirmed that Berkowitz had been having heart surgery even if officials didn't provide specific medical details. The New York Post confirmed in February 2018 that Berkowitz had a heart attack in early December before his first surgery. At the end of January 2018, after having experienced injuries, he had to seek further surgery and return to hospital. Where is Son of Sam now? And how did he get the nickname Son of Sam to begin with? He was actually known as the 44-caliber killer before he was known as the Son of Sam after his shooting with a rifle. After the arrest of his neighbor, Berkowitz, a police officer called him (a man called Sam Carr), said that he told him to assassinates people in the city— and that order is supposed to have been given through a possessed Labrador driver. He wrote: "I am a monster... I am the Son of Sam." He wrote, "The police came up to Sam's bottom." Berkowitz has been given six straight 25-year sentences after being convicted, which he still holds. Since viewers were so fascinated with the murders of Berkowitz and his ambiguous letters he left behind, his story was told by Berkowitz with the money through media. Therefore, the majority of countries take measures to prevent criminal activity from benefiting from their misdeeds. It is APPARENTLY A BORN-AGAIN CHRISTIAN.... He appears to be guilty for what he has done on many occasions, but says he wants to stay in prison. That's TG.

Work Cited: "30 Scary and Bizarre Facts About David Berkowitz - Tons of Facts." Tons of Facts - Millions of Facts All At One Place. 1 Dec 2018. Web. 11 Feb 2020. <http://tonsoffacts.com/30-scary-and-bizarre-facts-about-david-berkowitz/>. Blanco, Juan Ignacio. "David Berkowitz | Victims | Murderpedia, the encyclopedia of murderers." Murderpedia, the encyclopedia of murderers. Web. 11 Feb 2020. <http://murderpedia.org/male.B/b/berkowitz-victims.htm>. "David Berkowitz - Wikipedia." Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. Feb 2020. Web. 11 Feb 2020. <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Berkowitz>. Thomas, Leah. "Where Is the Son of Sam Now? â David Berkowitz Life After Conviction." Cosmopolitan.com - The Women's Magazine for Fashion, Sex Advice, Dating Tips, and Celebrity News. 30 Aug 2019. Web. 11 Feb 2020. <http://www.cosmopolitan.com/entertainment/tv/a288wr72361/david-berkowitz-son-of-sam-now/>. "Top 22 quotes of DAVID BERKOWITZ famous quotes and sayings | inspringquotes.us." Inspiring Quotes | inspiringquotes.us. Web. 11 Feb 2020. <http://www.inspiringquotes.us/author/3275-david-berkowitz>.

Well, Made. "David Berkowitz - Letters, Books & Murders - Biography." Famous Biographies & TV Shows. 13 Dec 2017. Web. 11 Feb 2020. <http://www.biography.com/crime-figure/david-berkowitz>.

#david berkowitz #serial killer #blogging #blog topics #writing #writer

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turn-towards-the-sun-blog · 7 years

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It’s not my birthday

Every year for my whole entire existence, my mom always thought she had a creative way to remember our families birthdays. My dad, the 14th of December, me, the 15th of October, and my mom, the 16th of January. She always has assumed 14,15,16. Plot twist, my birthday is the 16th of October. I can’t tell you how many times she’s filled my birthday wrong on paperwork, texting and calling and wishing me happy birthdays on the 15th, so proud that she got it right (since she must be corrected often).

Today is October 15th. I woke up this morning to a text from my mom sent at text at midnight wishing me a happy birthday. I called her, to remind her that it is in fact tomorrow. She’s so cute. She set an alarm last night, three minutes before midnight to type out a nice happy birthday message, wanting to be the first.

I give her so much credit and genuinely think it’s so funny when she gets it wrong 😂💛💘

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alyssasmuses-blog · 7 years

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Josh’s mental health - a novel by me.

(obvs this post is gonna contain some triggery material like mental illness & suicide attempts & things of that nature && also maybe some scenes from the game will be here. so u kno. proceed w/ caution)

GET READY KIDS THIS IS GONNA BE A LONG ONE.

So, first of all, let’s look at Hannah’s Diary.

On an entry dated October 29th, 2013;

I really think Josh is doing better now that he's out of the hospital. I saw him today and he seemed better. He's pretty upbeat, but he talked like he's been doing therapy for such a long time. I guess I didn't know. Mom and Dad never let on. Funny how you can not even know your own brother. I kinda need a good cry thinking about how lonely he must feel...

Now we’re gon’ look at josh’s psych report.

Josh’s first psych evaluation took place on 06/11/2006.

So, Josh was seeing doctors for seven years before his sisters found out.

The game makes it incredibly clear that Josh was really close to Hannah&Beth, and if his sisters didn’t even know about all this, then his friends sure as hell didn’t know yet either. Meaning for seven years, his only support system was his parents. Who, as we know, aren’t exactly present in his life. So Josh, for the most part, was dealing with his mental illness completely alone. Which, given his fear of isolation, probably didn’t help his recovery.

Now, for an overview of his medication.

(06/18/2006 - 01/24/2010): Josh was originally put on Fluoxetine one week after his initial appointment. He was on it for ~4 years, stopping when the side effects became too severe for him to handle.

After that, he was put on Duloxetine for three years (02/13/2010 - 11/01/2013), stopping that when it stopped working & he claimed his mood had “badly worsened”

(Fluoxetine & Duloxetine are both common anti-depressants--they’re generics for Prozac & Cymbalta)

After that, Josh is put on Amitriptyline, which specifically warns people with a personal or family history of psychosis should talk to their doctors before taking it, something Josh shows symptoms of later in-game, but never actually gets diagnosed with. But we��ll get to that later.

Josh’s original prescription for Amitriptyline was given to him on 11/29/2013.

But, let’s look at Dr. North’s portion of the profile;;

01/03/2010 Sarah North, MD, PhD Cranleigh Hospital Referred on 11/29/2013 after patient's response to drugs tapered badly

12/19/2013 is when he starts seeing Dr. Hill, meaning for the first ~20 days he wasn’t seeing a doctor while on new meds.

Later on, Dr. Hill makes note of Josh being suicidal while on this medication, and later takes him off of it due to him self medicating & taking stronger doses. (04/05/2014)

All of this happened within six months of him getting on this medication. Every other medication he was on up until this point worked for several years. But, given that within these six months, his sisters also went missing, it seems more likely that Josh’s mental illness--which up until a few months before the prank had been manageable enough that he was able to hide it so well his sisters had no clue--had worsened significantly, possibly even triggering his schizophrenia. But, again, more on that later.

The next medication Josh is put on is Phenelzine, which he started taking 04/15/2014. According to his psych report, he spent 30 nights in the hospital, being sent home on May 16th, 2014. Meaning that he started taking Phenelzine on his first day in the hospital.

It says that Josh is still currently taking Phenelzine, but the psych report is dated May 21, 2014, and we know Josh stopped taking his meds at some point between then and February 2nd, 2015. We just don’t know when, exactly.

So, first of all, let’s talk about Josh’s depression.

There isn’t much to talk about that isn’t made abundantly clear--despite the fact that his diagnosis of Major Depressive Disorder (Clinical Depression) clearly doesn’t cover all the bases for what he’s experiencing, it’s definitely a piece of it. Understandably so, too. His parents seem relatively absent from his life, later on his sisters go missing & are presumed dead. Anyways, here’s a short list of some of the symptoms of clinical depression && I’m just going to bold the ones Josh is mentioned to experience in his psych report & in-game

Difficulty concentrating, remembering details, and making decisions, fatigue and decreased energy, feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and/or helplessness, feelings of hopelessness and/or pessimism, insomnia, early-morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping, irritability, restlessness, loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable, overeating or appetite loss, Persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" feelings, thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts

I’m sure Josh has experienced more of these symptoms, but these are the only ones that I’m going to discuss, given I can point out clear examples in canon.

Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and/or helplessness//feelings of hopelessness and/or pessimism: Several times, Josh blames himself for his sister’s disappearance, despite the fact that he was completely unaware of the prank, & was passed out during it. He couldn’t do anything if he wanted to. The Dr. Hill he sees in his hallucinations calls him a psychopath. You even have the option to call Josh your least favorite character while you’re playing as him. (Which Dr. Hill will bring up later in-game if you do so.) It’s pretty clear that Josh doesn’t like himself, even if that’s how he let on when his big ~reveal~ happened.

Irritability: If you look at his phone, he yells at Dr. Hill (via text, but still) when he tells Josh he’s worried about him.

Loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable: According to his biography Josh was “studying psychology at college prior to Hannah and Beth's disappearance, which caused him to drop out.” Of course, we don’t know if he actually found his studies pleasurable, but clearly his sisters disappearing made him so depressed he didn’t even want to put for the effort anymore--also a symptom of depression.

Thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts: His psych report clearly states he was suicidal in March of 2014, a month after his sisters went missing.

Okay, okay, now we discuss the other half of his mental illness.

I’m not saying Josh definitely has schizophrenia w/ psychosis, I’m just saying Josh definitely has schizophrenia w/ psychosis.

So, first, let me explain why his behavior in-game is not caused by withdrawal of his medication, like a lot of people claim.

From his psych report;;

On withdrawal: nausea, insomnia, nightmares, agitation, hallucinations, paranoia, aggressiveness, slurred speech, ataxia, catatonia, shocks

Now, it’s true, he experiences a lot of those symptoms (I bolded the ones he actively experiences in-game) However. On Josh’s Cellphone, we see that the messages from Dr. Hill are from January 13th. That’s over 2 weeks. Not only that, but Dr. Hill’s message makes it sound like Josh is mid-planning for his prank. Drug withdrawals are serious and can last quite sometime, but there’s no way he could have all those symptoms at that intensity for several weeks.

But !!! Let’s look at just some of the symptoms of psychosis (all of these are also symptoms of schizophrenia, but being that psychosis is a symptom of schizophrenia, I figured it’d be easier to explain it this way);;

hallucinations, delusions, disorganized/repetitive speech, suicidal thoughts or actions, aggression/hostility, depression, disorientation

Now, let’s take these one at a time.

Hallucinations: Josh experiences both audio and visual hallucinations of Dr. Hill and his sisters, along with some audio hallucinations of Chris. Every single “session” spent with Dr. Hill in the game is a hallucination, which is revealed later in the game. Very clear, vivid images, too. It’s not some shadowy figure or something that’s there one moment and gone the next.

When he starts hearing Beth & Hannah’s voices, he starts crying, “Not again.” “You’re dead.” “I don’t take orders from you anymore” He clearly knows that this isn’t real, that this is all in his head, and he even seems to be trying to cope and talk himself through it.

You can watch the scene where he hallucinates Beth & Hannah here.

Delusions: His whole prank is a giant delusion. He puts his friends through absolute hell and he laughs about it because he thinks it’s just a funny joke that’s going to make a great youtube video. He thought it was such a good idea he emailed his psychiatrist about it. Clearly, Josh isn’t a moron, if he set this out to actually hurt his friends, why would he tell anyone about it? But if it’s just a harmless prank, that’s something else entirely. And! Not a single one of Josh’s actions ends up killing anyone. That was never his intention. He genuinely believed this was all a fun joke they’d all laugh off and move on from.

Disorganized/repetitive Speech: The most clear cut example of this is the scene in the shed, but it can also be seen while in the mines, during his hallucinations. He starts rambling to himself in the shed, to the point where Mike & Chris even comment on it.

Suicidal Thoughts or Actions: (See above ^)

Aggression/Hostility: (See irritability above ^)

Depression: Josh has literally been diagnosed with depression and treated for it since he was 11 years old. Plus I already talked about this. Moving on.

Disorientation: Not only does his psych report state that he was disoriented when brought into the hospital, but we see this very clearly in the mines when Mike and Sam find him. (But that might have something to do with Mike having just slapped him while he was in the middle of vividly hallucinating his sisters).

ANYWAYS.

This was my long ass post on Josh’s mental health I hope u liked it

Also if you need me to clarify anything lemme know !! I have a lot of personal experience w/ these mental illnesses so i’d be more than happy to explain something I might’ve forgotten :*

Anyways catch u l8r kids

#headcanons:all #josh:headcanons

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donnabearrr · 7 years

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16/01/2017

I haven’t blogged in forever and so this blog is going to be selfish, because sometimes people need to be selfish in some way, just to keep their shit together in reality.

I turned 24 on the 16th of January… That date is now forever bound to the death of my Dad.

I left home on Friday the 13th to start my birthday celebrations with my favorite person…four hours away in Sligo… I had a birthday cake with both my parents on Thursday the 12th… They surprised me with a cake and a few small gifts, knowing I’d be away for my special day… Thinking or their faces as I opened my gifts and cried with joy as I held in my hands a small stuffed toy reindeer dressed in army camo (my dad had picked him for me since he was an ex soldier himself and knew that I adore the camo print because it reminds me of nature’s protection) We ate cake and they hugged and kissed me, my dad grinned from ear to ear; seeing how happy and grateful I was. He got upset that they hadn’t given me more… I didn’t want or need anything else… they were both with me and they loved me…that’s all I’d ever need… we were so wealthy in love.

Friday the 13th my parents dropped me off to catch my bus. I hugged my mam and my dad extended his hand to take mine. He held it tight and smiled;.telling me he’d be there to pick me up from the bus on Monday night when I got home. (My birthday) I told them I love them and walked to get my bus.

I never for a second would have believed that, that would be the last time I’d see my dad alive… in ways I don’t think that I do believe it… my heart refuses to accept his absence.

Monday morning I woke in a hotel room nursing a hangover from the night before, I don’t generally drink alcohol because I don’t enjoy the loss of control over my thought process or body in general but for whatever reason I let loose. I text my mam to say I’d be staying another night because I was in no fit state to travel on a stuffy bus in my condition and to tell dad that he didn’t need to pick me up. She said she would…she never got that chance.

Monday January 16th 2017 at 21:10 I got the call… My world fell apart and I fell with it.

Just a few weeks before, my dad and I went to our first real concert together with a friend.. he held me high in his arms above the crowd so that I could watch -DISTURBED- take the stage. We both grinned from ear to ear like two kids and held each other tight, embracing every second. They played a cover of “sound of silence” by Simon and Garfunkel. A song that my dad would spend the remainder of his days learning to play on bass and tune-ing from a standard C to a D. Once again I never thought that it would be the song playing in the church as I’d watch his coffin be carried to his final resting place.

My dad spent many a day trying to coax me back into writing and playing music since it had been two years since I’d written anything…because of my gran passing away… I never believed that the first thing I’d write would be for him… for his final farewell…or that a church full of people would crush the silence with a thundering applause after I’d finished….

My Birthday….he left me. I miss him and I’m angry at him… It feels as though anyone I truly worship with all of my soul, always has to leave me… and I wish it didn’t have to hurt so much… but it does…

This grief is eating me alive deep beneath my skin and I just want to rip it out.

My dad was the definition of a good man. He was kind to every living thing, from the largest tree to the smallest snail. All men, women and children were treated with nothing but respect and love by him…even those who may not always have deserved it. My dad could listen to a song twice and play the bass line back to you without error…yet still he was humble. He could find flaws in science and religion equally yet still respect their importance.

My dad voted YES for my right to marry a woman without hesitation but with pride.

He was my biggest fan and my hero… He believed in me even when I had no beliefs… He was never ashamed of me even when I was ashamed of myself… He held my hand through every journey I was afraid to venture alone and even those I was confident I could handle.

My dad showed me how to be brave enough to be different and strong enough to love despite my fear of it.

Love…

My dad was a teacher of love and a willing student of life…

He was a rare pure soul in this corrupt world.

And he was ripped away from me…

Daddy, I love you and I need you. Why did you have to go away? I was supposed to make you proud and take care of you and mam… We were supposed to go to astro physics lectures and rock concerts and get back on stage together…

You were supposed to walk me down the isle some day and be a grandad… You were gonna teach me to drive, remember? We were gonna camp and watch the stars and eat soup out of cans and laugh at how terrible it would taste then go find pizza in the closest town…

You were gonna go to America and visit NASA and get arrested for touching something you’re not supposed to touch…

Daddy… I’m sorry I didn’t come home sooner, I’m sorry I didn’t kiss you goodbye like always, instead of taking your hand.

I love you dad, you’re my spaceman-soldier-rockstar.

I hope I see you soon.

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mbergen · 7 years

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2014 is Almost over…..So many milestones have been reached this year. I have been thinking back at the first of the year. January 2014. Where were we. I was working everyday at Advantage Log. Rich was hauling mail for URSA. It was a horrible winter. I decided after the first of the year, if the weather was bad, I wasn’t going in. I used my sick days up really fast. If I didn’t value my life, would they? We were still expected to go to work if we could make it. If we didn’t show up we received points. Oh Well, so that’s the way it was…..I call it the Corporation Thinking…Can’t change it…..

Rich was hauling mail over the road. Sometimes going from Dixon to Des Moines. Sometimes LaSalle to St. Louis, sometimes to Wisc. He ran many miles of snow and ice. He was shut down by state police for blizzards and accidents. He was lucky enough to remain still a driver with a perfect driving record. So at that point, we said……….NO MORE WINTER……WE HAD ENOUGH…..Plans were made for this winter to be in sunshine. The call and Emails went out down her to East Gate and the process began….

Also much happened with the rest of the family. Little Carly was the first birthday of the year. She was 2. She is growing so fast and is so cute. I must say, she is so smart. These kids just get smarter every year……lol…..This year we will miss her 3rd birthday. Cassidy was 10 in March. She is a preteen by every sense of the word. lol She is growing prettier every year…

Our littlest one…Carly

Cassidy dressed for the father daughter dance…

Tammy had been attending Nursing School, and She graduated in May with her Bachelors of Nursing from St. Francis School of Nursing in Peoria. Now this was a very proud moment for the whole family. She was the first to graduate with a degree. A moment, a Milestone in her Life……She was on Cloud Nine. and she so deserved it. For 5 years she has worked toward this degree, for many different reasons. It was a good job that she could support her family in the way she wanted to. It was also her DREAM. The dream kept her going through all those years of stress. I still don’t know how she accomplished such a Feat. Raising a family and studying at the same time. She has so many friends and family, that have been their and supported her the last 5 years. I would stop after work and check in with her….lol…thank goodness for texting……She would get home anywhere from 5pm to sometimes much later. Brandy, Scotts girlfriend, would pick up Carly from Bettys Daycare, on her day, and take her home. Tammy would pick Carly up on her way home. Cassidy would go to her dads couple of times a week. Tina was always their for her. Tammy could call her at a moments notice and Tina would take the kids. She also did her share of running to pick up the kids. She was just a phone call away. Always supportive of Tammy’s Dream. She also had a babysitter come once or more a week….Cameron would also help out when needed. He also needed a ride home form school, so that would be my first stop after work…lol….Taxi service….Every semester the plans changed……….Today she has a job as a Nurse at the Mendota Lutheran Home. She is enjoying her new life as a nurse and is an awesome nurse. She has all the attributes to make a wonderful and caring nurse. We are all so Proud of her.

Tammys Grad. Pic. Grad from OSF Peoria, Ill May 2014 Tammy Bergen RN BSN

Tammys Grad. family and Connie, Richs younger sister

Along come June, not only did we have Tammy’s Graduation party but, it was also Cameron’s 16th Birthday……Oh is he excited…..He did his class room Drivers Training and is now doing his driving to complete his first step towards his license. Grandpa is giving him his truck….It is in his driveway and he sits in it a lot dreaming…..hahaha….The life of a Sixteen year old….He has now started his first job at Steak and Shake..

Tina and Ed has also had there share of accomplishments this year. Ed is doing Awesome, at his job at Marquis. Tina has been also been attending College. She has completed another semester at Illinois State in Bloomington and now is taking some courses at IVC. She is now employed as an Assistant Probation Officer at the Putnam Co Court house…..She is also on the Village Board in Granville…..She has made HUGE Accomplishments and has some wonderful goals in mind….What a Beautiful Family she has.

Scott is also doing wonderful. Him and Brandy have their Beautiful country home, he is doing good with his Trucking business and hosting several parties at their home this year….Yes they love a good party…..haha….He also has recently bought some Karaoke equipment …..Going to have a Great New Years Party at his house….lol….From Party bus’s to Karaoke….Never a dull moment in his life….Brandy’s daughter Staci is also attending Nursing School….Staci is in her 3rd year, heading for her Bachelors also….So another Nurse in the family soon…..Look out for that party….hahah…With Scott and Brandy planning it,…..It will be a Blast…

In June, I walked out of work one day and I received the Wonderful Call…..YAHOO….Debbie from here at Eastgate Rv Park, called and accepted us a Workampers…..Ohhhh Myyy….how excited I was…I called her and talked to her and then immediately called Rich…So onward with our plans…All this time I have been trying to clean out the house. Over 30 years of Stuff….Wow….Selling items on Garage Sale facebook sites. I would get out of work and meet these people with the item they bought and then go and do Taxi service or babysitting….haha….Sometimes they even met me at work at lunch hour….So little by little, I got rid of some of the more valuable things in the house. They don’t mean so much later in life now do they. Just an accumulation of STUFF…..

On Sept 1, I went part time. I probably would have been fired for rate if I hadn’t. Now when you work for a corporation, it seems like it doesn’t matter that you have been their almost 17 years….My seniority was under 10…..doesn’t matter…….If you can’t make rate …….out the door you will go…..So after some decision making, part time it was. Thanks to Obama Care, I could still keep health ins. on Rich and me. The whole object of still working. So I filed for SSI…..YEAAAAA…..Then along came the New Teeth….Now that is a Blog in September you must read if you haven’t. So hilarious. New dentures….lol….Oct. 1…RETIREMENT…..Enough working….Teeth were done….lol…Nov 1. Rich…..RETIREMENT…..Filled for SSI also…..Now OFFICIALLY RETIRED…...And Let the Fun Begin…..lol….

Our Miley also had her Birthday Party. She is 6 now and growing up so fast. So so smart. The things she says just baffles her mom and dad. She is in gymnastics. We went to her meet in Rock Island just before we left. She is so tiny and pretty and so so good. Amazing.

The Birthday Girl

The one Birthday we missed this year is Austin. He was 4 …..This past year, he has grown from a toddler to al little boy. He is now in his first year of school. He is doing so good. Learning so much already. He just smiles all the time and you can just see the oneryness in his eyes….Such a Cuttie…

Also have to mention Connie and Brian…Rich’s younger sister….She has been family since we were married. She has always been here for us and with us at all family gatherings….They were their the day we left helping us pack and get away….She has always been the PET babysitter when on vacations, and ” Connie….ya know what I noticed? lol….I was looking for pics of Austin and Christmas….Guess who has taking over the picture taking on special occasions…..lol…YOU….I went to your Facebook page to find them and steal…” Thank goodness for the new phone and joining facebook….Actually Thank You Mindy…..

We had Thanksgiving Dinner with all the family a week before the Holiday on a Saturday and then Sunday we left for Texas. Just before the first snowstorm on Monday, I might add….hahaha

….What a whirl wind day it was. Tina, Ed, Connie and Brian, came to help us….We so need help. All the last minute stuff we still needed to pack. And all the last minutes things we never got done. They all said…..”Just go we will take care of it”….AND WE DID….We left on schedule on Sunday afternoon…Took our time getting down her…..Arrived on Friday after Thanksgiving….

So now….We have been here 1 month…..It is everything we had dreamed of and more…..Were still waiting for the feeling of….”Vacation is over, go back home and go to work”…..to be over. It seems like vacation. We have done so many fun things already. I love the office work. Its not work ya know. I also get to talk all I want….hahaha….I don’t get in trouble anymore for talking….haha…Rich is doing maintenance and loving it. Done by noon or 1 and were free. So many activities to do. I am playing pool and also doing the Wood carving class. We hosted the Christmas Dinner. I was even the MC….with the microphone in hand….What a Day…We have the best neighbors one can have….We are the Hood on Albatross Lane….haha….We all represent 25 states and 4 provinces of Canada. Amazing isn’t it….

So now all I have to say is ……..WOW….WHAT AN AMAZING YEAR…..2014…THE YEAR OF CHANGE….There is life after Retirement….We want to THANK all of the family…..I have been reading so many fb sites and blogs these last 2 years….So many people write that this is their dream, but their kids won’t let them do it. The kids insist they stay home …..They are so sad and torn between fighting with the kids and wanting to travel…That is so sad isn’t it…..Never never did we ever hear that form our kids….They have been so supportive of us during this whole process. They have wanted us to go have our fun….They have be so Wonderful…Of course their is also much saddeness at times…..We all miss each other, but now we have downloaded Skype, that has helped. but still not the same. Neverless they are wanting us to enjoy and have fun….AND WE ARE…..So heres to a Wonderful 2014……………….and Wonder what 2015 will Bring……

Thank You to all our Family and Friends…..HAPPY NEW YEAR……....

THANK YOU ALL, FOR READING OUR BLOG…

Happy New Year to All……What a Year It Has Been….. 2014 is Almost over.....So many milestones have been reached this year. I have been thinking back at the first of the year.

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thoughts2dad · 4 years

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January 16th, 2020

Hey dad. I know it’s been a bit since I wrote to you. A lot has been happening. I’m not sure where to start. The last letter I wrote was on the 28th of December. Sam and I went and shot off fireworks for New Years. It was more emotional than I thought when I didn’t get your annual “HAPPY NEW YEARS” text at midnight. You probably would have been passed out drunk anyways, but you’d always wish me a happy new year. Sam didn’t blame me when I called into work the next day. We had ended up going out to Dripping Springs, where his aunt lives, and gave the neighbors a show. We had thought his aunt wasn’t home, but a few days later we found out that we had woken her and her family up and upset them. Oops. Lol. Everything is okay on that front though. I’ve gone out to the property a few times since the last I wrote. I put up an extra game camera, just to make sure it’s protected. I’m also going to send Jack the heirship affidavit so I can get it in my name. You always told me that our family had a family curse, especially when it came to land and money. Every time I think about it, I wonder if that’s one reason why you left. Hopefully Lady Luck shines her light on the courts for me to get that land. I’d hate it if I couldn’t. You put so much work into making that your home. If everything goes well, I may put a little art studio out there with a loft for me to sleep in. You always supported my art, so I feel like putting an art studio where your home used to be wouldn’t be too much of a disrespect. I can’t decide on a tiny home or a Home Depot storage building renovated to be a studio/home. I guess the answer will come to me when the time is right. You were right. You used to tell me that when you died, I would be taken care of money-wise. Your life insurance plan paid out. Even though I feel like this may have been more of a comfort for you, you definitely made sure it would be true for my sake. You even talked to Tommi about how you wanted me to be happy and taken care of when you died. I’m not letting those wishes of yours go in vain. I’m quitting my job. I loved it at first but it’s become so toxic that some times I’ll wake up and start crying because I don’t want to go in. I’m going to let myself take a breather, and work towards becoming a piercer. I know you’d rather me become a tattoo artist, as you’ve told me before, but I’d like to start piercing to get a foot in the door at the very least. Maybe being in that environment, I’ll become inspired to become the tattoo artist you always wanted me to be. Either way, I know you’d want me to pursue my passions and be happy doing something that I love. You’ve given me a chance to do this, and so even though it’s amazing I’m still sad that it had to be this way. You always wanted me to get new cars, so I could get the warranty and maintenance package things. So I did. I’ve always wanted my Charger back, but I decided on a Mustang. I had been driving home from the property one day and asked out loud which car you wanted me to get. I told you to have the car pass me. A Mustang passed shortly after. Because I don’t accept one random happenstance, I asked something more specific: “Have a BLUE Mustang pass me if that’s what you want me to get.” Sure enough, a minute or two later, a blue Mustang rumbled past me. I decided then that I wouldn’t go against this sign. I did my research and built a Mustang to my specifications: A 2020 Ford Mustang GT Premium, either Kona blue or Rapid red, convertible, 12 speaker w/ sub-woofer sound system, with the 401A package, GT performance package, Ford Safe and Smart package, and MagneRide. Sam and I went into the Mac Haik Ford dealership on January 13th and met Doc. I told him what I wanted and he told me that I would most likely have to custom order the Mustang, since it was so specific. I had already guessed that I’d have to order. After going through the checklist again, putting it in his computer to search the lot, he looked at me dumbfounded. There was a Kona blue, 2020 Ford Mustang GT Premium, convertible, with the 12 speaker w/ sub-woofer sound system, the 401A package, GT performance package, Ford Safe and Smart package, and MagneRide. Only one. I nearly cried. You were with me, and I was meant to get this Mustang. Doc and I joked as we all walked out to the lot, even he was getting excited. I sat in the driver’s seat and fell in love. It was exactly what I had wanted, and more. After going through some paperwork, and writing the biggest check I ever thought I’d write, Doc and I sat together and waited for the service crew to pretty up my new Mustang. He told me that he, in a friendly and not in a creepy way, liked me. He told me that he felt like he was a part of something big and meaningful. I drove off the lot that night feeling you with me. This morning, mom sent me a message saying you had got my Charger a few doors down at the Mac Haik Dodge dealership. I had no idea I was at the sister branch where you once bought me my first car. Now I know why Doc said he thought he was a part of something important. I still don’t think it’s fully hit me that you’re gone. Every once in a while I catch myself thinking about something to tell you, then I remember that you’re gone. I can’t just text you or call you about stuff anymore. I think you’d really like my Mustang. I would have loved to see your reaction to it pulling up to the gate at your property. I can just imagine you being in shock, then when I would take you for a test drive you’d laugh, nervously, but you’d laugh. I hung your dog tags on the rear-view mirror like I did in my Charger. I promise I’ll be safe. I really miss you. Sometimes when I hug Sam, it almost feels as though you’re hugging me. In those moments I know you’re there with me. I know you’re not gone yet, and you may not be for a long time, but that’s okay with me. I’m not ready for you to leave, and maybe that’s why you’re still here. I don’t know how the afterlife works, but that’s okay too. I’m just grateful to have you looking out for me. Occasionally I hear your voice in my head, making short little comments or telling me to do things. I can’t tell if this is really you, or if it’s my mind, but either way it’s comforting at times. I love you and miss you.

#dad #suicide #tw: suidice #mustang #charger #ford #dodge #car #death #afterlife #letters to dad #suicide awareness

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focusingonjoy · 6 years

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Things That Made Me Happy In 2017

January 1st-Crush at the time liked my status. The Packers beat the Lions. Bought a game.

January 3rd-I saw really cool train tunnels in the mountains. Traveled to the World Mission Summit

January 4th-Entered the state of Texas for the first time ever (Texas has always been my favorite state). Met and took a selfie with a beautifully authentic person.

January 6th-Got a really cool henna tattoo. Felt God calling me to missions (specifically drama ministry in Japan). Hung out with a friend at the World missions Summit.

January 7th-Stayed up and watched cartoons with a friend. A friend told me I’m a good singer

January 8th-The bus forgot the lyrics to We Will Rock You so I finished the song and blew wveryone away. Trailblazers won the Golden Globe.They finally put TMNT on Netflix.

January 9th-Realized two of my teachers are goofy. Aly updated her game and it involves defending someone in court and working on a play

January 11th-The Packers beat the Giants. Had been looking for The Book Thief at the library and couldn’t find it, turns out they were selling it for 50 cents. I looked and felt cute despite not combing my hair. Saw someone dressed in lolita at school. Got my students benefit sticker for the first time in quite a few semesters. Bought something with a dragonfly on it. Had a dream about an adventure

January 12th-A friend texted me and asked how I’m doing.

January 14th-Ate a calzone for the first time and it was awesome. Had an Avatar the Last Airbender mararthon with my mom and brother. Realized 7KPP appeals to both my lawyer and theater crew ambitions

January 15th-One freind said I’m awesome and another said she’d always be my friend. The Packers beat the Cowboys. One of my favorite bloggers messaged me. My crush at the time liked my status and said he’d still be my friend even if I shaved my head (it was relevant, lol).

January 16th-Joined the worship team

January 18th-Brought out a candle I bought in 2012 and it still smells amazing. Laughed a lot and took good notes during class. Hung out with my family and laughed a lot and my brother improvised introvert songs. Someone said the bus terminal makes them think of Disney Land (which is something I always thought as well).

January 20th-My crush (no longer my crush but still) liked my status

January 27th-Purchased formal dress and gloves. Received 1000 dollars.

January 31st-Girl at school gave her life to God. Saw my crush at the time in person (rarely got to see him). Found out that we were having enchanted. First worship team meeting.

Febbruary 3rd-A friend asked me to sit with her during gathering (like church service). A friend offered me a ride home.

February 4th-Went to Comic Con with my brother and bought some cool stuff (including some Ouran HighSchool Host Club manga) and made strangers laugh with our antics. Saw lots of cool cosplayers

February 5th-Did some shopping with my mom and boutht two beautiful dresses and a blouse.

February 6th-Had conversations with people at the bus terminal and one lady told me I’m pretty. Was productive in class and got to joke around with a classmate while painting sets

Fwbruary 7th-Finally got a trashcan

Feb 8th-Found out my best friend is going back to university. Used a powersaw in shop class. They were blasting Legend of Zelda music during theater workshop. Listened to Assyrian music and learned how to do a dance.

February 10th-Was told that I’m pure and was seen in a white dress surrounded by flowers (prophetic message) was told that I’m surrounded by light, was told I’m a good singer, was told that my time (for good things) was going to come.

February 11th-Went to Enchanted and hung out with some friends before hand. Had my feet washed.

February 12th-My crush at the time liked my status and called me a blessing

February 13th-My sister reached out to me when I was going through something. My mom and I started volunteering.

February 15th-Finally bought a hotdog from the hotdog stand in Modesto. Had a “sword” fight with a classmate (using rulers).

February 19th-Talked on the phone with my sister and laughed a lot, she talked about about a dream she had which was personal to her

February 20th-My dress and gloves finally came in and they are lovely. Woke up early and realized there was no school so enjoyed the morning with my parents.

February 21st-Finally bought a painting I had been wanting

February 22nd-A classmate told me I’m smart

February 23rd-Joined a friends life group and saw her for the first time in a while. Got confirmation that I’m a dreamer and that that’s not a bad thing.

February 27th-Found out I can rely on God and friends.

March 1st-Ran into a friend at school and got to hang out with her for a bit.

March 2nd-Went out to Rount Table (their pizza is so good!) with my family and played awesome music through the jukebox

March 4th-Went to Nightwatch Prayerand opened up to people. Received prayer and received a word from a friend. Met some great women and had a donut.

March 5th-Hung out with friends at church and got some Sonic with one of them.

March 6th-Got a bag of fortune cookies

March 7th-Made my friend laugh. Made a new friend. Got empowered on flags (worship).

March 9th-Went to the movies with two girls from life group.

March 11th-Went to Cultural Expressions (China).

March 12th-Hung out with my dad and brother and climbed a tree

March 16th-Ex Astris 5 came out

March 18th-Watched new Beauty and the Beast with family

March 22nd-Stepped on the stage when the lights were on and it felt magical. Had decent conversation with a classmate. A classmate told me I’m smart. Class clapped for me.My brother made the class laugh a lot. Went to the park with my brother and snuck into the auditiorium. Ate at Jimmy John’s with family

March 23rd-Worship night at school. Someone I look up to called me her friend. Bought a game

March 24th-Bought a game

March 25th-Went out to lunch with my mom and did some window shopping. Had soda for the first time in a while.

March 27th-Talked normally with some classmates

March 28th-Opened up to a friend about my financial situation.Got three numbers. Got empowered on flags again.

March 31st-Saw a play and got some Jamba Juice with my brother. Saw my name in the program (helped build set)

April 3rd-Lost 6 pounds. Got asked to do powerpoint for worship. Went shopping

April 4th-Practiced powerpoint. Joked around with friends

April 5th-My teacher doesn’t disdain me. Ran into a friend

April 7th-Did powerpoint for worship

April 11th-A friend gave me the rest of her food

April 12th-Stayed busy during class. Saw a zebra and men riding on horses (at the bus terminal, no less)

April 16th-Went to the grasslands with my family. Saw a classmate outside of class. Saw a deer. Easter

April 18th-Chi Alpha potluck. Saw orchestra with my family

April 21st-Went to the park and played basketball with my family

April 22nd-Went to the park, Museum, library, and bakery with my family. Had vegan donuts and gelato. Passed by two weddings. Saw a gigantic dog and an old fashioned diner display

April 29th-Christina Grimmie’s movie was put on Netflix. Took a midnight drive with my mom and brother. Found out Safeway is open 24/7

May 2nd-Went to Jimmy John’s with my family. Two friends talked about how I can rap. Ran into a friend. Found the German song I had been searching for for a while

May 3rd-My 23rd birthday. Went out to dinner with class to celebrate the last class of the semester. My dad’s computer that he ordered came in

May 5th-Had a long conversation with a friend

May 6th-Saw a play with my family

May 9th-Became the official dogsitter for my friend’s dog

May 12th-Played soccer with friends

May 13th-Watched Eurovision. Talked on the phone with my sister

May 15th-Made vegan mac and cheese with my brother

May 18th-Star Days came out. Became friends on facebook with old neighbor

May 19th-Took a drive with my family.

May 23rd-Quoted Spongebob with friends. My brother said I may have a sister in law soon. Bought a game. A friend told me I’m hilarious.

May 25th-Life group started back up. Decorated a journal

May 26th-Finally started watching season 5 of Switched at Birth

May 27th-Went to lunch with my mom

May 30th-A friend said I should go to an event with her. Bought Undertale and laughed over it with my brother

May 31st-Rode what, in my opinion, is an awesome and spacious bus. Finished first playthrough of a game and it was so good

June 2nd-My brother got a job!!

June 6th-Saw Guardians of the Galaxy 2 with my brother and had a fun time walking home

June 12th-My brother got a phone. My sister said I’m pretty

June 17th-Laughed a lot with my parents and spent some time researching my family tree

June 18th-Found an old photo of my dad

June 19th-Talked a lot with old friends

June 21st-Heard a beautiful song playing downtown. Discovered mukbang

June 22nd-Found lemonade tea in the house

June 24th-Brother got a surprise day off of work

June 25th-Went to the park with family

June 26th-Went swimming. Found out about the Super Nintendo Classic.

June 28th-Had free ice cream. Was invited to a friends party

June 29th-Found out that a game I couldn’t play in a while can be played on the new computer

July 1st-Cousin agreed to send me old family photos

July 4th-Went to a festival with my dad and brother. Got free ice cream. Received a super sweet anon message on tumblr. Had free pizza. Discovered Postmodern Jukebox on Youtube. Had rootbeer floats with family and tried blended ice coffee

July 5th-A friend told me I crack him up

July 7th-A friend told me I’m funny and other people agreed. Sent my brother a hilarious text

July 8th-Found my cousin online

July 10th-Received old family photos. Discovered new names in my family history

July 11th-Went swimming and had a picnic with my mom and brother. Found out my great grandma’s name

July 12th-Learned more names in my family history. Was sent photos from my aunt.

July 16th-One of my favorite bloggers called me one of her favorite followers

July 17th-Went to the fair with minimal lines and had an icee and my brother finally got to go on the ferris wheel

July 19th-My cousin accepted my friend request. Found out Code Lyoko is uploaded on Youtube and can be watched free and legally

July 20th-Had a Frasier marathon with my parents. My cousin sent me such a sweet message. Found a really cool game aesthetic blog. My dad’s friend brought over food, including pie.

July 23rd-Found out my great great aunt taught Liberace piano. Ate mushrooms for the first time in a good while

July 24th-Watched Frasier with my family

July 26th-Holy Spirit Conference. Ran into a girl from life group and sat with her. Ran into girl from prayer meeting. Got some personal revelations. My married friend is having a baby.

July 29th-Dyed my hair.

July 31st-Got Jamba Juice with my brother and watched RWBY for the first time

August 1st-Went to National Night Out and went swimming

August 6th-Watched Frasier with family and had a smorgasbord for dinner

August 7th-Had Chinese food with family and goofed off with my brother in the 99 cent store. An old friend added a bunch of us girls to a group on facebook

August 8th-Registered for my second semester of Assyrian. My brother likes the demo of a game I like and even offered to buy it for me when it comes out. One of my favorite bloggers messaged me

August 9th-Found my shuriken, old letters from my brother, and secret star (like secret santa) stuff. Had a whole bunch of mac salad and a veggie burger. Used pink brillo pads and the work wonderfully

August 11th-Found the seashells my aunt gave me

August 12th-One of my favorite bloggers messaged me. A friend and I started talking on tumblr

August 15th-My brother and I took a walk and he talked a lot (he’s not usually chatty). Had conversations with different people on tumblr

August 16th-Really felt God’s presence

August 19th-Someone who is hard to impress liked my status

August 20th-My brother got the day off of work. Played a game with my brother and joked around with a friend,

August 21st-Got caught up on RWBY and watched Impractical Jokers with my brother. Talked to a cool employee at the dollar store

August 22nd-Introduced my brother to Gilmore Girls and he loves it. Ate mushrooms (which I love). My mom and I made plans to have lunch

August 23rd-Found out they’re bringing the Secret Garden, Dead Poets Society, the Rugrats Movie, Newsies, Pocahontas, and Mulan to Netflix. First Assyrian class of the semester. A friend drove me home

August 24th-A friend tagged me in a funny video on facebook.

August 25th-Friends messaged me. My family received eggs

August 26th-Went to the Assyrian festival with my brother and he bought a children’s book in Assyrian to study with

August 28th-Read some words in Assyrian, someone reblogged one of my poems and tagged it with “this is so pretty”. Started and finished a great book. My mom made dinner for all of us with mushrooms, tofu, cheese, and spinach. Watched Gilmore Girls with my mom and brother

August 29th-Got my hair completely combed. A friend said I sing like an angel. A friend gave me a ride home. Worship team resumes for Fall gatherings

August 31st-Had lunch with my dad. A friend of mine received a lot of wisdom.

September 1st-Had lunch with my mom. Laughed a lot on the bus with the bus driver. Did powerpoint for the whole service. A friend played with my hair. Lost 7 pounds without trying.

September 4th-Went to the park with my mom and brother. Made plans to visit with my other brother.

September 5th-Put bedset on bed. Amplitude came out.

September 8th-Two friends told me I’m funny

September 9th-A friend send me a text telling me she lvoes me

September 10th-Had ice cream sandwhiches

September 11th-My brother bought a cool painting

September 12th-Laughed a lot with friends. A friend offered to buy me Japanese treats and texted me to thank me for doing powerpoint

September 14th-My brother fixed a door in the house that had not worked right in a long time

September 15th-Another friend thanked me for doing powerpoint and said she’d invite me to hang out if I wasn’t busy.

September 26th-A friend hugged me and told me she loves me

September 27th-My Assyrian teacher told me I pronounce the “khe” sound well

Octover 21st-Went to a party at a friend’s house, ate good food, and laughed a lot.

November 23rd-Thanksgiving

November 28th-Worship Team leader brought pizza to practice and thanked me for being on the team

November 25th-Had small group at a friends house

November 29th-My dad came home from visiting his brother. A classmate fave me a ride home and gave me her number. My teacher hugged me. Got sudoku and crosswords from my dad

November 30th-Cashier paid for me and my dad. Spent some quality time my dad. Found some cool stuff to watch on hoopladigital. Didn’t gain weight over the holiday. Received a delicious free lunch

December 1st-Saw Coco with my brother. A friend invited me to her house. A friend hugged me and told me I’m cute. The guy who filled out my nametag wrote “graciosa y bonita alma”. Saw my friends dance. Sat with friends. A friend wanted to make sure I was going on the Winter trip. A guy I know just...being himself, adorable. A friend told me she’s proud of me.Ate spaghetti. A friend prayed for me.

December 2nd-Went to the library and thrift store with my mom, bought some books and a picnic basket. Got some money. Was wished a merry Christmas by a kind stranger. Finally watched Big Hero 6.

December 3rd-My brother bought Christmas lights

December 6th-Found out one of my classmates lives on the same street

December 9th-Gave blood. Went to the mall with my brother. Passed by a famous house in my town and realized it has a moat. Walked through a magical and unfamliar neighborhod. Saw an outdoor concert. Rode the nightbus back to town. Had some Jamba Juice

December 11th-Found out my bloodtype (B+)

December 15th-Had rainbow sherbert and white soda

December 17th-My brother came to visit. Had pretty good pizza. My brother got to ice skate

December 20th-Went out to Jamba Juice with a friend, she mentioned I’m one of the few people who asks her how she’s doing and listens.

December 21st-Finally got to read Princess Jellyfish volume 7 (English volume)

December 23rd-Finally bought red pants. Found the manga section at the library

December 24th-My brother went to church and he likes it and wants to go more.Opened Christmas gifts.

December 25th-Had a really fun time serving at the Gospel Mission

December 26th-Found out my brother has New Years off

December 27th-Found out we get to keep our dogs. Had tuna melts for the first time

December 30th-Bought a game. My brother had a fun day at work. My cousin wants to get to know me better and has old family silverware she wants to give me and my dad.

December 31st-Watched a movie with the whole family.

Some things that happened from late September-early November-Two good friends got engaged. Got words of knowledge from several friends.Got words of knowledge for a few friends. Had a Thanksgiving potluck with my Assyrian class and my brother got to go as well. My classmate gave me a keychain from her trip to Thailand Had Thanksgiving dinner with Christian fellowship and international students, made some friends laugh and saw a friend get a pie to the face. The library ordered more volumes of my favorite manga.Celebrated a friend’s birthday. Got to talk to a cute guy and found out he likes anime and Russian and Japanese. Finally had a macaron, saw someone doing ballet to Once Upon a December, went to Festival of Lights with my mom and brother. Sang with two friends. Found out the city buses will add more routes. RWBY volume 5 started.Became friends with an awesome woman of God.Dead Poets Society and the Secret Garden were put on Netflix. The book I needed to buy for Worship team was on sale.Ran into a friend after not seeing her for a while. My brother said he wants us to meet his girlfriend. Got a buy-one-get-one-free card for Jamba Juice. Lost some weight. Started choir practice

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mill3nniumforc3 · 6 years

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2017: A Year in Review

“Vonnie, what happened to 2016: A Year in Review?” It got wiped out of my computer before I could publish it. While I very much could create a 2016 one now, I feel that it is far too late.

Anyway... so, 2017. What. A. Year. Some good happened, a lot of bad happened. Shall we just dive into it?

You don’t actually have to read this if you don’t want to. I’m making this for me and me only. If you choose to read, enjoy reading about my year! :)

January

January 1st. I started the new year full of sugar and drunk. My body didn’t exactly thank me for it in the morning, but I was happy, so....

January 16th, I went back to school for the spring semester. My whole college career was going to be different. I was no longer an RA, meaning it was time to get a roommate for the first time in two years. I was in a brand new major after finding out at the super duper last minute that elementary education wasn’t the career path I wanted. I was SCARED. I felt like I was a freshman all over again.

Thankfully, the start of the semester wasn’t bad. My classes weren’t too hard (except for GBUS. Fuck GBUS). On January 21st, I officially moved out of Bonar Hall (where I had lived for 3.5 years!) and into Krise Hall (where I would have lived if it hadn’t been for Barbie). I met my new roommate, and we got along quite well!

February

The month of February was pretty boring, honestly. I didn’t have a Valentine.

February 13th was my dad’s 50th birthday. I’m pretty open with talking about how I don’t get along with my dad. He constantly treats me like an inconvenience. Well, while I was between classes, I summoned the courage to pick up the phone and give him a call. I thought he’d be mad when he answered, but he was happy. We talked for about 20 minutes until I had to leave for class again. It was actually kind of sweet.

March

During the month of March, I decided to go summer job hunting again. While I was guaranteed my position at Eastern 4-H, I had an odd feeling inside of me to stay close to home. I started by looking for a camp-like position around home, but couldn’t find one. I applied to a few different places, including America’s Rockin’ Roller Coast (I’ll come back to that).

While I was home for spring break, I went to the dentist for the first time in years (I had been getting $5 cleanings at school). I found out I had three cavities. Oops! They were all small, so it wasn’t too big of a deal, but still bad.

Because the semester started late, spring break was late, meaning I was home for my favorite day of the month: St. Patrick’s Day! I got drunk, went to Honey Hut for their grand reopening (it’s tradition!), and went to my grandma’s house for dinner. SPOILER ALERT: this would be the last time I would see my grandma awake.

On March 18th, I went to see Beauty and the Beast! I loved every second of it.

Shortly after returning for the second-half of the semester, I got an email from Ride Operations at Cedar Point. They reviewed my resume and wanted an interview! I was so surprised because I had submitted my application just a day prior. I couldn’t reply right away lol. I got around to it after dinner, and my phone interview was scheduled for Friday, March 31st.

So, I woke up early on March 31st. Even though I didn’t have to look nice for the phone interview, I wanted to make sure I had everything taken care of (going to the bathroom, eating something, etc). I went into the floor lounge for the interview because my roommate was sleeping. The phone rang around 10:30am, and the interview began. I was so nervous, but I kept a smile on my face and enthusiasm in my voice. At the end of the interview, I received a job offer. I couldn’t believe it! Just like that? My interviewer added, “Before the job offer is official, I want to schedule a Skype interview with you, since I don’t want to make you travel all the way from West Virginia.” My Skype interview was scheduled for Wednesday, April 5th. I felt so good! I had an unofficial job offer...

April

THE DAY BEFORE MY BIRTHDAY! April 1st was my 23rd birthday, and I woke up feeling... sick. I had a bad cold and the weather was awful! What a lousy way to spend my birthday. It was too bad because I was going to go out with some friends for my birthday. Oh well! I had pizza in bed and watched Netflix. That cheered me up.

April 2nd was the day that started to turn my life upside down. I got a text that afternoon from my mom, saying my grandma had collapsed at home. While they got her back, they weren’t sure what would happen. I was a mess until that evening when my mom texted me again. Grandma was awake and acting like her normal self...

The on April 4th, that night, Grandma coded. They intubated her and got her back again, but I was upset. My Skype interview was the next morning, so I put on a brave face for it. It went well. After class on April 5th, I called my mom in tears, wanting to know how Grandma was. Mom said Grandma was off the ventilator, and I cried tears of joy. After I calmed down a bit, Mom asked how my interview went, and I told her the job offer was official. YEAH!

I received an appalling text from my mom on April 11th. It wasn’t about Grandma. It was about our family friends! Her best friend found her son (who was 19) dead from a drug overdose! At the time, we didn’t know it was an OD because the family didn’t want to make that information public yet, but I was devastated to know he was gone! When I read a post his older sister put on social media, I hypothesized it was either a drug overdose or suicide. Shortly after his funeral, after autopsy results were in, the family revealed it was heroin. Quite a sad time.

On April 14th, I went home for Easter- the same day Grandma was having surgery to put in a pacemaker. Mom took me to visit Grandma, and she was asleep. I was kind of nervous seeing her hooked up to a bunch of machines because I didn’t want to do something wrong. Mom led me closer to her. I kissed her forehead, said hi to her, and told her I loved her. I didn’t know what else to say because she was asleep, so I left it at that.

That was the last time I saw her alive.

April 16th was Easter. I went to church with the fam and then my dad’s side of the family held a brunch. Yay, brunch!

*the next few paragraphs are sad. If you don’t want to be sad, just skip to May*

April 19th was the day my world went completely black. It started off as a good day. After I was done with classes for the day, I was hanging out with my roommate when I got a text from my mom. When I saw the text was from her, I thought it was going to be a “we got home safe” text (she had went to North Carolina for her best friend’s son’s funeral). What it said was, “I don’t know how to tell you this. Grandma coded again, but this time her body was too tired to come back.” I was stunned for a moment, trying to piece together what it meant. Then it clicked. My grandma was gone. My roommate noticed the change in the environment (we had been laughing, and there I was devastated). She asked what happened, and all I said was, “I think my mom just told me that my grandma died.” Then the waterworks hit. I was inconsolable for hours. I went for a walk and decided to go to the chapel to see if anyone I knew was around. My friend Tiana was in the lounge doing homework. I knew she wouldn’t mind if I sat in the lounge with her. She asked me why I was crying and, after I told her, she dropped everything to comfort me. She texted Pastor Deb (the chaplain) to let her know. While waiting for Pastor Deb to arrive, Tiana invited me to get dinner. Even though I was in no mood to eat, I knew Grandma wouldn’t me to starve, so I went. I couldn’t hold myself together for more than five minutes and cried while waiting for my food. It was not a good time. We went back to the chapel lounge with our food (where J.R. and Brandon were hanging out) and, when Pastor Deb arrived, she first gave me a huge hug, and then she said, “Have you ever heard The Dragonfly Story?” I shook my head, and she told it to me. I started feeling a little better. After I was done eating, I went into sanctuary of the chapel. I opened a hymn book and started playing a few songs on the piano. After I finished Be Thou My Vision, Tiana found me and asked me if I wanted to join fellowship, and I agreed. After fellowship, J.R. took me to get ice cream because he hated seeing me so upset and thought it might make me smile. We got to Dairy Queen minutes before they closed. I felt kinda bad, but I was glad we were able to get ice cream.

The next few days were a blur. I didn’t go to class for the rest of the week and asked if I could reschedule my presentation for Philosophy so I could go to the funeral. Thankfully, it all worked out.

On April 25th, I went home for the visitation. I was quiet the three hour drive home. I couldn’t even sing along with the radio. I stopped at home on the way to the funeral home because my dad wanted to shower. I sat on the couch, and Seamus (my dog) got onto the couch next to me and put his head on my lap. I was completely surprised because Seamus HATES cuddling. I pet his head and thanked him. After my dad showered, we went to the funeral home. I felt so sick in the car. We got to the funeral home, walked inside, and as soon as I saw my grandma’s name displayed, I lost it. I couldn’t just pretend this wasn’t happening. It was! My sister found me and took me to my mom. Mom sat me down and I kept saying, “I can’t look at her. I don’t want to see her like that!” and Mom told me I didn’t have to. After a while, I got out of the viewing room and went to mingle with some of the mourners in the hallway.

The next morning, the 26th, was the funeral. We went to the funeral home to have a prayer service before going to the church. I hung back while waiting for other people to arrive when Aunt Char came up to me, trying to convince me to go up to my Grandma to say goodbye. I shook my head, and she offered to go with me. I kept saying that I couldn’t because I didn’t want to remember my grandma laying in a casket completely lifeless. The prayer service started at 9:30am. At the end, we all had to walk by the casket. I made eye contact with Aunt Char and mouthed, “I can’t do this.” She nodded at me, and I stepped forward. I kissed my fingers and laid them on Grandma’s cheek. I then quickly walked out of the room, tears filling my eyes. My mom held me and told me I didn’t have to remember her like that, and I just said, “I might not remember what that looked like, but I’ll never forget the waxy feel she had.” Aunt Char soon walked out of the visitation room, and she held me, telling me I did good. We then lined the foyer and Grandma’s casket was shut and locked. The pallbearers carried her out of the funeral home, and we followed. The drive to the funeral home wasn’t long, since the church was down the street, but it seemed to take eternity because I wished that it wasn’t happening. I got a program with Grandma’s face on it, and smiled because that was the Grandma I knew I’d remember. The opening song was Here I Am, Lord. That song typically doesn’t make me cry, but it did then. I read an intercession at the Mass, and I held myself together just fine. I even smiled a bit while reading to put some inflection in my voice. I cried again minutes later when Hail Mary: Gentle Woman played. I was fine throughout the rest of the Mass... til I saw my mom’s best friend (the one who had recently lost her son) during communion. I was sitting on the end because I read, and she tapped my shoulder. I put my hand lovingly on her and started to cry. On Eagles Wings was the song that was playing, and I was surprisingly fine during that song. The closing song was Be Not Afraid, and I couldn’t sing a single note without crying. It was pretty bad. Upon exiting, we stood outside... and my dad’s mom (whom I also call Grandma. We’ll call her Grandma Marge for the duration of the AYiR) walked up to me. I bawled, and Grandma Marge hugged me. I felt so guilty, because I was here crying over Grandma’s passing, and Grandma Marge was here. I want to say that moment was the worst I felt, especially because that day was Grandma Marge’s birthday and I was too upset to remember. Mom’s best friend came up afterward, and she hugged me and thanked me for my words of support since I couldn’t go to her son’s funeral. My mom joked that hopefully their next meeting would be a happy occasion. After the mourners left, we went to the cemetery for the burial. Because Grandma was being buried in a military cemetery (Grandpa is a Korea vet), we couldn’t watch the actual burial, but we had a brief prayer service (a lot of praying happened that day). After that was done, we had a light luncheon at a dining hall.

I didn’t go to school the next day. I wanted to spend more time with my mom. That Friday, I forced myself to go back to school.

May

The first half of the month of May was pretty sad/boring. I was still having days when I would just be sad. Sad because I missed Grandma. Sad because I was going to miss my friends, West Lib, and everything. I spent as much time as I could with my Krise Krew (Daniel, Brandon, J.R., Walker, Noah, Jasmine, Jaylyn, and Chris).

On May 6, I threw myself a goodbye party in the Krise lobby. Ordered pizza, cheesy bread, desserts, etc. Some people actually showed up, which cheered me up a little.

Finals week was interesting. I fell asleep in the Krise lobby trying to cram for a final once (I had always wanted to sleep in a residence hall lobby. Too bad for me, it was freezing and I ended up going to my bed around 5am. So nice and warm!). I wrote papers while sitting at my usual spot. I drank so much coffee that week that I ended up getting super bad caffeine headaches. On May 11 (my last full-day on campus), I hung out with my Krise Krew while bringing things down from my room to donate. I found a bunch of condoms from when I was an RA (kept them for my residents) and decided to be a jerk and give them to Brandon. He threw them at me, and Chris scattered them throughout the different donation areas (food, clothes, books, etc). Brandon then tried to beat me up, but my self-defense background ended up backfiring on him. We laid on the ground laughing for five minutes, and everyone started shipping me and Brandon. Yuck!

May 12 was my very last day on campus. After everything was packed into my mom’s car, I said goodbye to all my friends that I saw along the way, stopped by the Housing office to say goodbye to Marcella, Luke, Kate, and Kimber (though Kimber was out of the office. I was quite sad about that), and swung by the campus coffee shop to get one last iced mocha and chocolate chip cookie while also saying goodbye to Linda (a barista whom I had grown close to). I got a little teary eyed as I walked out of the union for the last time. West Lib had been my home for five years, and my journey there was ending.

I didn’t have too long to be sad though. May 17th was my first day at Cedar Point! Well, ok, not really. I had orientation at the training center (outside of the park) and then I moved into my new place, where I met my new roommates: Allison, Becca, and Shama. Shama was first to open up to me and I asked her a bunch of questions.

May 18th, I had to get my uniform, take a drug test, and then had a class on ride operations. The uniform part was easy. I showed up, gave my size info, tried on clothes to make sure everything fit (the pants were the hardest to fit because my hips are bigger than my waist), and signed a contract. The drug test... that didn’t go too well. I have high anxiety, and peeing in a cup isn’t something I was able to do. I spent three hours chugging water, but I didn’t have to go, no matter how hard I tried. The first aid staff was nice about it and found a swab kit. Because it did take three hours, the rides manager just told me to take the class the next day.

So I took my ride operations class on May 19th. It was fun! Hands-on activities (which is how I learn best) along with some lecture. Also, that’s where I met Austin, my first CP friend! At the end of class, the instructor told me to be at GateKeeper at 7:30am. I wasn’t too keen on that, but I put on a smile anyway.

May 20th, I woke up feeling nervous as all heck! Was I going to work GateKeeper or just observe? I stood around the GateKeeper entrance waiting for someone to talk to me, and luck was on my side that day, because I was greeted by Destiny (the team leader). She showed me where to clock in, put my stuff, and meet the person in-charge to start opening the ride. A guy named Kadeem was also being trained that day, so Destiny took both of us for a track walk. We went into the low-zones to look for lost items and make sure everything was intact. She was also going to take us on the midbrake run, but there wasn’t enough time. She instead took us for a lift walk (which sounded worse!). We walked up the lift hill, and I started shaking because I’m not a fan of heights. We got to the top, and Destiny took my picture. The walk down was better. When we got done, Herbert (the ride sup) started test running the trains. When it was cleared for test riding, none of the contracted workers wanted to, so Herbert asked me if I would. I said yes, and pretended to be scared when getting my restraint checked. Jes (who would later become a friend) asked if I was actually scared, and I said no. I learned at class that test riders are to listen for weird sounds and feel weird vibrations, so we weren’t allowed to make noises (though I did hum to myself going up the lift hill). Destiny asked me if the ride felt normal, and I told her it was perfect. After test riding was done, I got to do what would become my least favorite task: emptying water dummies. Perhaps it wouldn’t have been so terrible if it weren’t so cold outside, but my feet were cold by the end of the emptying. Riding the transfer track was also quite the experience. Soon after we were done, the ride was opened. I was placed at merge for starters (because I figured sit-downs would be a good place to start). Destiny threw a lot at me, but it was ok because I picked up rather quickly. Around 11am, it was time to train on platform. Destiny did the first few cycles at all four positions to teach me how to do each one. I then did each one. A few times, Destiny would correct me or remind me about something, but it was nothing major or life-threatening. Before being sent to lunch around 2pm, Herbert came by to shadow me while Destiny signed us out. I did exactly as I was taught, and Herbert decided to quiz me. “Why do you look both ways before putting up your clear? Is it just for fun?” I answered him saying it was to make sure nobody was in the ride area so they wouldn’t get hurt. Herbert put his thumb up and said, “That is exactly right.” When Destiny returned, Herbert told her what he did, and then took my spot so we could go to lunch. Destiny proceeded to tell me that Herbert wasn’t trying to trick me. He just wanted to make sure I was paying attention. She led me to the employee cafeteria, and we ate lunch. After lunch (which was only 45 minutes), it was more training. At some point, the ride went down for wind (as GK is a winged coaster and high winds can cause the ride to valley), so Herbert and Destiny used that as an opportunity for me to sign my training sheets. I was perfectly comfortable at sit-downs, but wasn’t as confident with my platform. Both of them were confident in me, but decided to let me do some more platform training after the ride was back up. Around 8pm, while I was on platform, I ended up pulling a muscle in my back. It was terrible! Destiny saw how much pain I was in and sent me to Herbert. I told Herbert, and he sent me to first aid. I ended up taking an ibuprofen and getting some ice. It didn’t help, so I decided to just push through the pain. Destiny didn’t want me to get injured further, so she put me on sit-downs for the rest of the night.

On May 21st, I was sent to my contracted ride: Cads! I again had to arrive at 7:30am, and I again was trained with another person. I walked through the exit at Cads and immediately met Eric (the ride sup). First thing I noticed was he wasn’t as talkative as Destiny, which made me a little sad. We were joined by Audrey (who was training to be the TL since Cads didn’t have one at the time). Eric showed both of us around the ride, and because I was a safety liability with my back injury (which hadn’t healed yet), I was solely at sit-down (Cads only has one, whereas GK has 4). I later met Katelyn, Mary, Tatiyana, Aaron, and Angel. Because Eric had to train Audrey everywhere, Katelyn watched me since she was in-charge. We ended up becoming good friends right away. For the most part, everything went well! At the end of the night, shit hit the ceiling. I accidentally wrote on the DOR in pen. Eric yelled at me. Because I didn’t want to cry on my first day at a new location, I laughed and apologized, and Aaron stood up for me. “She’s the new girl. You can’t yell at her! You didn’t yell at me when I did it!” Eric realized Aaron was right, apologized for yelling at me, and told Aaron that he should have yelled at him because he wrote in pen on his third day. #PoorUs

Things got a lot better from there! A few days later, my injury healed and I was cleared to work platform. Yay! Eric trained me on platform (he made fun of me) and at Cedar Downs (my initial reaction when he told me he was training me there: I get to work there too!? Yay!). He watched me run a few cycles and asked if I would be ok if he left. I said yes, and he actually left (which made me laugh).

By the end of the month, Audrey was officially our TL. Yay! Eric called for a staff outing after work to celebrate. I wasn’t hungry for dinner, so I ordered dessert and a margarita. I showed my ID (which nobody saw me do) and thanked the waitress when my marg came (which everyone saw). I drank it, and everyone stared at me. “Wait, you’re 21!?’ Tatiyana broke the silence with. I informed them I was 23, and everyone just went, “What!?” Eric looked horrified and asked when I turned 23. “In April.” He breathed a sigh of relief. “Ok, good. I’m still older than you.” Before that moment, I thought Eric was like 21 (because he had mentioned being old enough to drink). I felt a little better knowing he was older than me.

Oh, and this month, my high school class lost our first sister. Cancer really sucks! It takes great people far too young. RIP Morgan.

June

Ah, the month of June. Filled with meeting people, goofing off on my days off, and annoying my coworkers!

Well, it wasn’t all that great. I broke my toe in the beginning of the month by dropping the transfer track on myself. Eric witnessed it and sent me to first aid. After I had my toe splinted and iced, Eric then told me to be more careful with the transfer track (I knew he wanted to yell at me, but remembered what happened the last time he did that).

On June 12th, I saw someone whom I hadn’t seen in a long time: my high school BFF Julie! I was on spiel when I came across her and just said, “Look who it is!” Julie didn’t recognize me at first, but one look at my nametag, and she knew exactly who I was. We hugged (awww!) and I happened to remember that day was her birthday (my good memory is a blessing and a curse), so I wished her a happy birthday, and she was so surprised that I remembered! I couldn’t talk to her too long because we’re on a clock, so I dispatched her car and moved on. Funnily enough, her car broke at the end of the track. I joked that Julie did it, and Julie just said, “The powers of renewed friendship!”

Oh, and in June, I got over my fear of tall coasters and rode Millennium Force and Top Thrill Dragster.

July

Fourth of July weekend is the busiest weekend of the season... and I was off for TWO DAYS OF IT. HAHA!

July was kinda a rough month. The park no longer ran on a 10a-10p schedule (well, because I worked early entry, 9a-10p). We were now 9a-11p on weekdays, and 9a-12a on weekends! Though O-C shifts were pretty rare during this time, they still happened. I once had to O-C after a day off (i was supposed to be a split, but the 1:30p got sick and couldn’t work) and I was less than thrilled. Audrey wasn’t apologetic at all (she just wanted her cutback), but Eric bought candy for everyone who had to O-C (myself, Katelyn, Camilo, and Aaron).

Oh, and speaking of splits, I once woke up one morning (I want to say it was July 18th) not feeling right. I was a split shift that day and thought that maybe I was just tired. Well, when I got off at 1:30, I still was feeling bad, so I went to first aid to get my temperature taken. Welp, my temperature was 101 degrees! I was given some ibuprofen and then went back to my place to take a nap. I messaged the group and asked if they still wanted me to come back at 6pm. Audrey pleaded me to return, saying she would keep me at sit-downs and give me ibuprofen, so I did. At 9pm, Katelyn sent me to rotate at Cedar Downs, and I wasn’t happy about it because I felt so sick and dizzy. Katelyn calmed me down by saying it would be just for an hour and, if I seriously felt faint, to call first aid and then Cads. I thankfully made it the whole hour, and Mary came to rotate me out. She looked mad, so I asked what was wrong. “You shouldn’t be here right now. Just by looking at you, I can tell you aren’t feeling good! Audrey only asked you to come back because she didn’t want to lose her cutback. I’m angry, Katelyn’s angry, Aaron’s angry. We’re all angry. If you aren’t feeling well tomorrow, you call off. I’ll be the first to stand up for you.” I went back to Cads and finished the night feeling awful.

The next morning (July 19th), I was still hot to the touch and feeling lightheaded. I called park op immediately, and explained to the operations manager what was going on. She said to me, “I know you aren’t feeling good, but I do need you to put on your uniform and go to first aid. I can tell by the sound of your voice you aren’t feeling good, but I still need to have it verified.” I went in and got my temperature checked. It was out of the triple digits, but still borderline. Kelsey (the area sup) then looked at the note and said, “Go home. I don’t want you to get worse. Rest up and feel better tomorrow!” By 5pm, my fever had completely broken and I felt a lot better, but so I showered and spent the rest of the day in bed...

That night was one I’ll never forget. Allison (who slept on the bunk below me) had her boyfriend (?) Ismael over for the umpteenth time. The first (and only) time Allison asked if I cared, I said that I didn’t as long as they didn’t have sex. Welp, at 2:30am, I woke up to the bed shaking and Allison moaning. It was like being in the middle of a bad porno! I didn’t want them to know I was awake, so I kept quiet and wrote a note on my phone to remind me that this happened.

The next morning, I left for work... but not before stopping by the front desk to inquire about changing rooms. I had to go to the Commons office first, but the guy at the desk asked me for Allison’s name because sleepovers weren’t allowed in the complex (haha!). I was a split shift that day, so I went to the office as soon as I got off work. I thankfully was approved to move immediately because of the situation, and I moved out ASAP.

I learned that Allison got kicked out shortly afterward. Bye, Felicia!

August

Well, this was the beginning of the end. Everyone started leaving! Mary was first to leave, followed by Camilo, Audrey (who returned Labor Day weekend), and Aaron. Alyssa stayed during the weekends. The only ones who could still work every day were me, Katelyn, Eric, and Gulbay (who was leaving in September), so we ended up getting a lot of people to cross-train. I met Zach (who worked Wicked Twister and would become my work buddy), Pearl (who was already trained there but mainly worked in Area 3), Mariah (who worked Raptor), and Jay (who worked Dragster).

August 22nd was like a stab in the back. Katelyn was in-charge that day because it was Eric’s day off, and Gulbay deliberately didn’t come to work. Katelyn was PISSED because Gulbay threatened not to come into work because she wanted to go to Niagara Falls that day. Ben (who worked Kiddy Kingdom and occasionally came to Cads to help) worked in her place. Gulbay proceeded to tell Ben that she planned to skip every Tuesday until her last day... which she did, which pissed off both me and Eric (on the 29th, we were the only two who showed up on time). Zach was scheduled to work but was sick, and since Gulbay decided to no call, no show again, Zach was forced to work anyway.

On August 26th, I snapped. It was the end of the night and I was trying to put away a car that had bad steering. I got frustrated and just completely snapped. I said, “I suck at my job. I don’t know why I’m even here. Why haven’t you just fired me because I can’t do anything right?” I fucking BAWLED because I was that frustrated. Eric was in complete shock and didn’t know how to even address that. He eventually said that he didn’t think I sucked at my job and that he knows the car has bad steering. He then demanded to know who told me that I sucked, and I told him Audrey did. “Ohhhh! Audrey? I’ll have you know that we’ve all talked to her about her rude comments. Hopefully, when she comes back, she’ll have something nice to say about you. She shouldn’t have gone as far as telling you that you suck. I’m the supervisor, and I don’t think you suck.” He then asked if he could hug me (aw!).

The next day, after I got back from rotation at CD, Eric called my name on the spiel. I looked over at him and he waved me over, asking me to sit at crowd for a few minutes so he could go to the bathroom. I obliged (even though I reaaalllly didn’t want to be at crowd). When he returned, he said, “All’s well. I thought I was dying, but I’m not.” “You’re not dying?” I asked him as I stood up to leave crowd, and Eric shook his head, muttering, “I bet you’d be glad if I were though.” I gave him a look and went “what?” “I feel like you secretly hate me.” I then said that no, I did not hate him. The look on his face was priceless, and I began wondering why he would think that. I knew I felt conflicted around him because my gaydar went off within five minutes of meeting him, but at the same time I felt like he liked me. Maybe my repulsion to that came on my face (repulsed by him liking me, that is. He’s nice, but he low-key looks like Drew Carey and it’s kinda disturbing. Also, because I made the presumption that he’s gay, I couldn’t unsee it).

September

Things only got worse for Cads, schedule-wise. Gulbay left a week early (much to my relief because NOBODY wants to work with someone who deliberately skips work for no reason), Audrey and Katelyn both quit, and Alyssa walked out during her break while at Blue Streak, immediately getting herself fired. With nobody else, Eric had no choice but to promote me to in-charge... but I’m getting ahead of myself.

Labor Day weekend (which little did we know was Audrey’s last weekend), I was scared to be around Audrey... but she was nice to me. We chatted a bit about what had happened during her absence and I asked her about school and marching band. A little later, I was at CD and saw a guest illness on the midway. I called it into park services, and as I was finishing up the call, Audrey came over to do DOR math. She asked who I was calling, and I explained the situation. Audrey then said two words I never thought I’d hear her say to me: good job!

After Labor Day, the park was only open on weekends.

September 10th was Katelyn’s last day, and also TWLOHA day. I wrote “love” on my wrist in permanent marker, and Eric got mad because “visible tattoos aren’t allowed.” You couldn’t see it with my pullover on, so there! While I was at CD, I heard a weird noise. I called Cads to report it, but Eric was talking to Katelyn and couldn’t take care of it at that moment, so I continued running the ride. When Eric finally showed up, I explained the situation and he listened to the ride. He noticed how horrible it was and told me to take the ride down for mechanical. For the rest of the day, he joked that I broke the ride. Ironically, while waiting for maintenance, Eric made me decobweb the lights on the ride and I ended up breaking a lightbulb. I jumped back as the lightbulb fell to its death, covered my mouth in shock, and looked over at Eric. His face looked like the surprised emoji, and it made me laugh so hard. At the end of the night, Katelyn came back to say goodbye to us, and Eric got the two of us saying goodbye on video.

The next weekend was brutal! Friday wasn’t too bad. Shelley (who worked the train) was trained at Cads since the train didn’t operate on Fridays during Halloweekends, so we were full-staffed. Saturday, shit hit the fan. Me, Eric, Mariah, and Karly (who worked GateKeeper) were the only employees working Cads (we had a “ride pride” working at sit-down, so we only needed four of us). Audrey was supposed to work that weekend, but called off for school reasons. Me and Karly were the only two people who could work at CD. It started off with us alternating every two or three hours or so. Because Karly was the only in-charge, at one point, I was at CD for FIVE HOURS (!!) because Eric was sent to Raptor for break help (though Mariah could have been sent and Karly volunteered to cross-train, the manager was adamant that Eric go). Karly was nice enough to call me to let me know what was happening. When I saw Eric walking by CD during the fifth hour, I shot daggers at him with my eyes. He stopped by to do DOR math and thanked me for staying at CD for so long. After he left, Karly came over to rotate me out and said she was staying the rest of the night, I gave her a big hug and let her borrow my watch.

On Sunday, Eric asked me to be his in-charge. “Because Katelyn quit and Audrey called off, will you please be my in-charge so I can go on break?” I initially was hesitant because I wasn’t interested in any type of leadership, but after Eric said he trusted me to hold down the fort, I just said, “If you’re saying you trust me, I guess I’d have to take you up on it.” He high-fived me, and then rotated me to CD (which I didn’t WANT to do, but I had to). Thankfully, being an in-charge wasn’t too bad. A car broke on the track though (which became a running joke with me. “Every time I’m in charge, a car breaks!”). After we closed for the night, I had to fill out paperwork to make my promotion official.

Of course, I wasn’t always automatically in-charge. If Pearl or Karly were at Cads, they’d be in-charge because they have seniority (though I think I was actually once in-charge over Karly. She was sent to the ride while I was in-charge though).

By the end of the month, Audrey had officially left her job because she had a lot of school work. Good on her for taking care of her academics... but that just meant Eric pushed me that much harder, and went as far as to call me “acting TL.” I wasn’t impressed with that.

October

My, oh my. October was a very stressful month.

The weekend of October 13-15th is what we all called The Weekend from Hell, and what a well deserved title that was! October 13th: probably the less evil of the days, ironically. Pearl was at our ride that day, which meant I didn’t have to be in-charge (yay!) and Eric could have a cutback (because he didn’t trust me to close the ride). I had a pretty good day that day, but poor Eric got sent to Raptor for break help... and never returned because the ride sup and TL both took a cutback and the Raptor in-charge never closed the ride on his own, meaning Eric had to stay at Raptor til close (haha!). October 14th: the worst day of the weekend. Cars kept breaking (more to Eric’s dismay than my own), guests were about 500x more rude, and the night ended with me and Eric screaming at each other. I’m not going to delve into the cars breaking, since that happened nearly daily anyway. I had the worst guest ever while working CD. There was a kid too short to ride. I explained to the parent that the kid had to be 48″. The parent wasn’t upset or angry, but said the kid rode Corkscrew earlier that day. I then said that kids’ heights tend to vary throughout the day (which IS TRUE!!) and some lady who wasn’t even with them butted into the conversation. “I work in the medical field, and that is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. Why don’t you release your medical journal so I can read it? I’ll still think you’re a crock.” I let the parent and the kid out of the ride area (honestly, they did nothing wrong. It was the rude woman who wasn’t even with them) and the woman kept gunning for me. “Someone needs to educate you. Stupid white trash, you are. Cedar Point needs to start asking for IQs before hiring people!” I was done listening to that lady, so I locked the magnetic gate in front of her (even though there was plenty of room still) and went about my safety checks. The rude woman’s son was kind of mad. When I returned to my control booth, he asked if he could get on. I felt kinda bad because the kid didn’t do anything wrong, but I said, “Once safety checks are completed, I can’t let on more people. You’ll have to wait til next cycle.” I did my final spiel before starting the ride, and said, “This is what happens when mommies piss off the ride operators” before giving out my all-clear and starting the ride. The rude woman then took pictures of me without my permission (probably to put on Facebook and talk shit about me. Whatever...). I concentrated more on the ride since MY JOB is to ensure SAFETY. After the cycle ended, I got right into my “oncoming riders” spiel. The rude woman kept taking pictures (I tried SO HARD not to roll my eyes at how juvenile she was acting). When I went to let people on, she decided to get one last picture of me... by sticking her camera RIGHT IN MY FACE. I reacted, and she got a picture of my reaction. “Now I have a nice snarky picture to show everyone. I’m going to your manager with this picture right now! Thank you, smartass!” Then she smacked me before saying, “I’m just going to exit now.” In that moment, I should have called security. I’m a tough cookie when it comes to words, but the fact that she deemed it appropriate to hit me crossed the line! My reason for not calling: she obviously craved attention, and I thought I’d be told it wasn’t that serious of a deal. I kept on a tough face while letting on people who witnessed the whole ordeal (many asked if I was ok. I wasn’t, but I said I was). The rude woman wasn’t done yet though. She stood by the entrance telling people shit like “the person running this ride is stupid” and “she won’t let a goddamn child ride the horses!” When I turned away a child who was a lot under the height requirement, the rude woman shouted, “Don’t be sad! Your kid probably SHRUNK!” and laughed maniacally. I ignored her because she literally wasn’t making any sense, but that wasn’t good enough for her. She jumped into the area by my control booth and said, “Aren’t you gonna call your supervisor?” I told her no because he was doing his job. “You mean he’s doing YOUR job.” I just said that my job was Cedar Downs, and he was doing what he needed to do. “Fine then. Do your job. I have AAAAALLLL night. I can’t wait to watch you get fired, bitch!” She then left. I kept on a brave face while doing my safety checks and spieling... and then I broke down in tears during the cycle. I couldn’t do my other spiels. When the ride ended, I couldn’t say to leave, but people knew it was ok to leave when they saw me unlock the magnetic gate. A woman who witnessed the whole thing (including her coming into my booth) came over to me and said that the woman wasn’t very nice and she didn’t blame me for anything I said/did. I then called my manager to report what was going on, and she asked if I called security. When I said no, my manager said that if I saw her again, to call security, and to leave a description in the booth so anyone else could call. This then got around to Eric... and he was PISSED that I didn’t call security. From what I heard, the rude woman was eventually found and kicked out of the park, but Eric was still so angry that I didn’t call. He had nothing nice to say to me at the end of the night, and when I tried to defend my decision, he screamed at me that once she laid a finger on me, I should have called. I screamed back that the ride was also very busy and I didn’t want to waste people’s time. Eric then made me turn in lost and found as punishment, and we ended the night on a very sour note. October 15th: On a scale of 1 to 10, I was 500 scared to go to work. I was scared to see that woman or be verbally harassed again. I knew seeing Eric after our screaming match would be hella awkward. I was expecting the day to be that much worse. I clocked in at five-til like I always do and went to the ride, listening to music on the way. I stood at the closet where personal items are kept while finishing my song, and Eric sat at the desk. After my song finished, I put my phone away and inhaled deeply. I approached Eric and broke the silence with, “Hey.” Eric looked at me and, even though his mouth didn’t smile, I saw his eyes light up as he said, “Hello.” Neither of us wanted to talk about last night, so we just moved forward with the morning. It was pretty warm throughout the day, but it was FREEZING by the afternoon. I ended up wearing my hoodie and fleece pullover because of how cold I was. By 6pm, I knew me and Eric were cool again because he asked me if I wanted a cutback. He easily could have taken it himself (I knew how to close the ride, and the TL from Power Tower was with us that day), so I thought it was nice of him to let me have it. The ride was dead as a doornail because of the cold and rain, so Eric asked me which cars we should take off. I suggested 18 because it was fast and had good steering, and then Eric suggested 03 because it was also fast and right by 18. We high-fived and I said, “We’re smart!” 03 didn’t have as nice as steering as 18, so I hung back with 18 while 03 was being straightened. I then jumped 18 off the track... accidentally hitting my butt against a pole. I reacted, and Eric just stared at me, asking what I did that time. “My butt bumped into the pole.” We got the cars organized, and I went to close the transfer track. Eric proceeded to tease me. “Did you hurt your butt?” I nodded. “Are you butthurt?” I cracked a smile and just replied, “That too.” By 6:30pm, I was released for cutback, and, right before I left, I said to Eric, “Have fun in Florida, and see you Friday!”

The next two weekends (and the last two of the season) weren’t nearly as bad. Still had to deal with rude, entitled guests (thankfully none as awful as that woman), still had cars breaking all the time (my favorites were out for the rest of the season), and still had disagreements with Eric (though none topped that night from hell). The major disagreement we had the last two weekends were I forgot to transfer my nametag to my hoodie after putting it on and Eric decided to poke my boob instead of just reminding me. Well, ok, he was touching my nametag over the hoodie, but he accidentally (I hope) went too far and ended up poking my boob.

On October 27th, the last Friday of the season, I FINALLY had my instinct straightened. For five months, my gaydar was saying that Eric was gay... and I was right! Eric had a cutback that night, so me, Pearl, and Shelley hung out on the platform (it was cold and raining, so nobody was riding). Pearl asked if I was going to the Halloween party that Sunday, and I said no. “Why not!?” Because I’m too ugly to go to the bar. “Who said you were ugly!?” I mentioned that Eric did one time (to this day, he denies this happened). While Shelley said that Eric needed to get his glasses checked, Pearl said, “Eric’s gay!” Yeah, I know, but that doesn’t mean he’s allowed to call people of the opposite sex ugly. I also mentioned how the bar scene isn’t my thing. We were then given permission to double cutback because they were sending David from Kiddy (one of my friends!!). Shelley declined the cutback because she took it last week, and said I should take it because I gave Shelley priority for the cutback last week (I was in-charge while Eric was at Raptor). Zach (who was at CD) wanted to gas cars that night and Pearl couldn’t take it for herself, so I took it. My last cutback of the season (I think the only time I ever turned down a cutback was when Zach had to cycle CD for a whole hour and I wanted him to have it).

October 29th was the last day of the season... and it was actually kinda sad! Guests were rude as ever (no surprise), but when we were cleaning up/out everything, it hit me that my “best summer ever” was officially ending. I emptied our closet, throwing out things that nobody wanted/claimed. After both rides were completely cleaned and the area sups cleared us to leave, I said goodbye to Eric and thanked him for putting up with me and my bullshit for the past five months. He then hugged me (aw!) and said that he knew he pushed me a little too hard at times, but it worked out for the best. He then asked if I applied to leadership, and I said no because I would suck at it. “I don’t think that. Be a little more adult and less sensitive, and I think you’d be great.” That was the nicest thing he said to me all season! I left and clocked out for the last time.

The next morning (the 30th), I processed out. I signed my paperwork, returned my uniform (including the hat that I grew to love), and even picked up a stuffed pillow that I found and decided to keep as a souvenir. I then packed up all my stuff and processed out of housing. I turned in my key and was back to Cleveland.

That Halloween, I stayed at home and passed out candy. 23 years old is too old to go trick-or-treating without a child.

November

Well, I went to church for the first time in almost six months (I worked nearly every Sunday from May-October. Even if I wasn’t working that Sunday, I wasn’t near a church).

On November 1, I started attending ballet class. I kept saying I was going to in September and October, but somehow never made good on my promise because I was so tired from working all weekend. With work no longer a thing, I went to class. It felt great to be back!

I attended a grief counselling meeting on November 19th. It was my first holiday season without my grandma, and some tips and tools were much needed and appreciated.

Thanksgiving that year was more of a blur. We went to my dad’s side for dinner. I fasted til dinner, and made the mistake of drinking with an empty stomach (I did that once in 2016 while at a house party, and I got drunk very quickly!). I was drunk before dinner. Classy. I ate my food and acted as normal as possible. We then went to my mom’s side for dessert... and I was offered hard apple cider. I took it and drank some, but I ended up not liking it. I ate some pumpkin pie and a slice of cake and was happy.

The next morning, how I wasn’t hungover, I’ll never know. I got up to go Black Friday shopping with my mom and aunt. We didn’t go to many places like we normally do. We just went to Kohl’s, Target, and Walmart. There weren’t many sales going on either, sadly. I saw my friend Carissa at Kohl’s (we danced together for years, and ended up going to the same high school). After we got back to my aunt’s house, me and Mom went to get lunch. I got the best deal of the day at Sheetz: a free cookie! Yay!

December

*the next paragraphs are a little TMI. I had the flu, so you don’t have to read this part if you don’t want to. Just skip ahead to Christmas Eve*

I woke up at 7am on December 1st not feeling right. I didn’t know what was wrong with me! My stomach started churning, and I just thought, “Crap. I’m gonna puke.” I got out of bed and opened my bedroom door. Fiona (my 15 year old sis) was getting ready for school and asked what I was doing. I told her I thought I was going to throw up. I went into the bathroom, sat by the toilet, and a minute later, I vomited. A lot. I asked Fiona to get me a water bottle and she brought me one. I put a little in my mouth, gargled it to get the puke-taste of my mouth, and spat into the toilet. I did it a couple more times and then got up and flushed. I went back to bed afterward... only to wake up an hour later to puke again. I thought maybe I had food poisoning because I had Papa John’s the night before (to this day, I can’t even think about pizza without gagging). When it started coming out of both ends at the same time, I texted my mom while she was at work to bring me some fruit juice. She did and put her hand on my forehead. I was burning up. Mom concluded that I had the flu. I didn’t eat anything all day.

I got an appetite back the next day (the 2nd). I was hoping for something light like broccoli cheddar soup or a pb&j from Panera when Mom asked if I wanted food while she was out. She brought me mac n cheese bites. I ate them... only to puke them back up later.

I had no appetite or energy the following day (the 3rd). I slept a lot of the day... til Mom decided to wake me to take Christmas photos! I was pretty fucking pissed about it. I managed to smile for them, but my hair looked awful and you can see how sick I felt. We then went to get dinner, and I didn’t want anything. Dad yelled at me and called me a brat, and it made me upset because I couldn’t help being sick!

Thankfully, by the 4th, my appetite had returned again and I had some energy. I felt better than I did on the 2nd. I made myself a sandwich to test how I was actually feeling, and the sandwich stayed down. I unsmartly went full out and ate cookies and milk, but that stayed down too. YES!

On December 14th... I woke up at 7:30am and vomited in my mouth. I think it happened because I was too warm under my blankets, but I was fine the rest of the day. Yay for not being sick again!

Christmas Eve, there was so much to do and so little time! I feel like that’s everyone’s Christmas Eve though. I wrapped up all the presents I bought, baked cookies from scratch, and then made the time to dress festively. My family decided to open presents while I was busy mixing cookie dough (I didn’t want to waste energy by keeping the stove at 375 doing nothing), so I ended up opening my presents after everyone else had finished. I got a CD/DVD drive from Bridgid (because the laptop I bought with my own money doesn’t have one. Oops!), a pink tiger onesie, sparkly hairbrush, and cat ears from Moira, socks from Fiona (I love socks, so it wasn’t an insult at all), and a Fitbit from “Santa” (my mom). I set up my Fitbit right away!

Christmas Day, since we did presents last night, we slept in and went to church at 11am. I was happy that we sang 5 verses of O Come All Ye Faithful (the three verses, the Latin verse, and then the first verse again) because it’s one of my favorite Christmas church songs. After church, we got ready for Christmas dinner. My mom decided to spend Christmas solely with her side of the family (first Christmas without her mom/my grandma) and my dad decided to just go to his side. We were then split on which side to go to. Bridgid decided to go with Dad, and Fiona decided to go with Mom. I basically did eenie-meanie-mynie-mo, and ended up going with Dad. As much as I love my mom’s side of the family, going with Dad was the better decision because I didn’t feel like crying that day, I had a present for my goddaughter, and the food on my dad’s side is better (lmao!).

This year is at an end, and I couldn’t be more grateful. Here’s to a better 2018. Here’s to positivity, great times, and maybe/hopefully finding my future spouse.

#my life #my year #2017

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