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abitofafreudmoment · 2 months

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HELLO IRL FRIEND OF NICO

i have noticed that you are into discworld and would like to hear more about it bc i am interested in reading it but am incapable of getting into anything unless it's been hyped up to me enough and you seem like you'd be willing to ramble lovingly about this series so uhh. favorite characters? what's it about? themes? fun tidbits?

(no pressure though and sorry if this is a weird way to introduce myself hi im luce)

lol no worries Luce! yes I'm very happy to ramble for you. (post-writing here, this is so all over the place sorry for like not sticking to one area but hey it's defos a loving ramble - kinda just talked about vague stuff, but I can 100% go into specifics).

So. . . where do I begin?

40 books in the series, he wrote right up until his death. NOT a continuous plotline through all 40. In fact, I recommend not starting with the first one (two actually)as it's not spectacular (that being said, it is still worth reading once you're in the series, good for the overall worldbuilding if memory serves). below is a sorta ok guide to how they connect - I have my issues with it but it's the best I've found.

I wouldn't recommend starting with Sourcery, but that's cuz Rincewind isn't my favorite character - I'd start with either equal rites or Lords and Ladies or Mort or The Truth or The Fifth Elephant or just wherever really as long as it isn't the Colour of Magic or the Light Fantastic.

A few crucial ordering things - READ THUD AND SNUFF (and ig Making Money and Going Postal) BEFORE RAISING STEAM. READ THIEF OF TIME BEFORE NIGHT WATCH. Those are the really imperative ones that you gotta order right, generally do it vaguely chronologically and yeah. Have at it.

The Hedgehog Song - this is a tidbit that shows up a lot in the Witches books as a very rude song that Nanny Ogg sings, BUT WE NEVER GET THE WORDS and I so want them.

Because it was written over 32 years, there are so many characters that just like slowly worm their way into it and I love watching a character turn from like a single footnote into a fully-fledged, important-to-the-plot character (I'm looking at YOU, Cassanunda)

SPEAKING OF FOOTNOTES OMG the books are riddled with them and. . . chef's kiss they add So Much to the series. They're so funny.

Pratchett is actually just like so funny as an author in general, but wittily so. Not saying he does pure comedy - he doesn't. Many a time have I cried over a Pratchett book. He's also great at taking stuff and . . . twisting it ig into something brilliantly new - Take, for instance, Maskerade, which is the Phantom of the Opera but Pratchettifyed (New word! yay! I'll be using it a lot I'm sure.). or like just what he does with Fairy Tales in general (Witches Abroad, Lords and Ladies sorta)

Also his MAGIC omg - soft magic system done right. I also love like the different approaches to magic that the witches and wizard have to it. Also how like the Creatures from the Dungeon Dimensions get [spoilers removed]

The gods man. Love them. They exist, they feed off of raw belief (Small Gods' premise is that people start believing in the institution formed around a god as opposed to the god itself and then that god like almost dies cuz no-one believes in him. (surprise surprise it's a commentary on the Church)) and they play games with the lives of men (the Last Hero). Love Granny Weatherwax's opinion on them which goes smthn like this: "No use believin' in 'em, it only serves to encourage 'em." <-- As a concept belief is not simply tied to the gods either. He does a lot of stuff about how what people believe to be true can affect how they perceive things around them.

THE FOOLS. Pratchett understood the tragedy of clowns and as such his fools are so insanely sad - the Fools' Guild is the least happy of all the guilds. I love them so much

Speaking of guilds: the Guild of Thieves. is a legit guild set up by Vetenarii to do crime to the socially acceptable level and no higher - I'm doing a bad job explaining it but it's ingenious.

Vetenarii is probably one of my favorite characters in the entire series. He, above all else, understands how humans work and he uses that skill to get people to do what he wants.

Pratchett does not pull the punches when it comes to messaging and such - very anti-war, anti-racism, anti-sexism etc. Also love what he does with People and how they can/can't be controlled (The human condition as a whole ig) - one of my fav quotes from the series is Vimes saying "They're scared. You can't expect much from people when they're scared."

My personal fav book is Monstrous Regiment, which is relatively standalone. Very good. Very "horrors of war"-y with a touch of the classic [redacted due to spoilers].

I could go on, but this post is getting very long so if I do continue I'll do it in another post.

TL;DR: Pratchett = FUCKING BRILLIANT

#discworld #ramble

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pikespendragon67 · 10 months

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AND NOW, Time for Another Pikes Check-In Update Thingamajig!!!

Basically this is just where I post current interests/events in life to see if other people are currently sharing the same interest, or if people just wanna catch up on things.

WITHOUT FURTHER ADO:

What I'm Watching

Seasonal anime: Summer season's just starting so of the ones that caught my interest at the moment are the following

Might see if Helck is good when it airs

I'm getting tempted to reactivate my Netflix account for My Happy Marriage but ehhh maybe when Beastars airs again. I do like stories where characters go through absolute shit but get better lives and heal from their experiences

Undead Murder Farce: I really like the character designs, and I love the snark of the protagonists. Hopefully it's like Appare Ranman but with Victorian England instead of 1910s-1930s America

Jujustu Kaisen season 2: Sucks that the airing schedule seems to be whack (first 5 episodes will be normal, but then it's gonna be on hiatus until like. October) but I love the OP, ED, character interactions, and the Digimon joke.

Bleach TYBW: Bleach was my choice of shounen as a youth and it's got me in an iron grip of nostalgia. Is the writing terrible at times? Yes! Do I still love it? Yes...for certain characters nowadays

Apparently Nier Automata's making a comeback? Hope so. It was hinting at big stuff when it last got hiatus'ed

MAL says Dungeon Meshi is gonna air this season but I doubt that

I'm also gonna watch the new Superman cartoon since a friend's letting me borrow another friend's Max account (I COULD technically reactive my account, but I hate how WB cut most of their projects & library for tax write-offs). And I'm 2 episodes away from finishing Iruma season 3, so once I'm done with that, it's onto Saiki K to watch during my lunch breaks when there isn't a seasonal anime to watch. ...Though I'm kinda wondering if I should swap it for Nanbaka now... Eh I already had the poll, so might as well stick to the poll until I finish Big O

What I'm Playing:

Just finished the 2nd labyrinth of Persona Q. I'm not really looking forward to replaying the 3rd labyrinth since it's horror themed. (Plus this was around the time I actually had to start playing with a guide because of a few FOE puzzles. Gonna be distracting to do so as I play). That being said I love that this combines EO dungeon exploration with Persona combat. Makes me wonder if I should try to get back to EO4 or see if I should get EO3 on modern consoles

Other potential interests: Ghost Trick (got the special edition right when I was in the middle of my Persona Q replay), 999 on Vita (solves the issue of not being able to play the updated version at work), possibly get back to Personas 2-5 (after I read the manga for the first game; keep forgetting to do that), maybe explore my Steam library since I have a few games there now thanks to the summer sale, maybe get back to playing Fantasy Life until I get to Al Majiik (though I forgot how tedious it is to grind for jobs). Just man. While I'm sad there's no FEMC for the P3 remake, I'm still super excited for it

Though with that being said it feels weird to buy games I already own just on different consoles. It'd be one thing if there were remakes/reboots, but nah. I just have Nier on both PS4 and Steam now. Game collecting's a weird hobby, but one I enjoy nonetheless

Other Stuff:

Anxiety spiked a bit today after seeing discourse start to pop up here again & cringing at past mistakes I've made, hence the checkup post you see now

While I'm cool with my job, I don't like how it consumes so much of my free time/energy. If I can get paid enough to work 4 days without me having to do 10 hour work days, that'd be pretty neat

Barbie movie's in a few weeks oh boy

Another con's happening at the end of the month, but it will be like 3 hours away. Gonna go with a friend then but hopefully my car sickness doesn't kill me.

Then the next con I definitely want to go to is in September

And after that I'm gonna see Hadestown with another friend

Not sure what to do for a Halloween shindig with friends. And it might be the brainrot talking but I kinda wanna go as Shinjiro from Persona 3? Though I also want my coworkers to recognize my costume, so I might need to start looking for Vampire Hunter D attire now.

THUS ENDS THE CHECKUP!

#pikes rambles #long post #pikes checkup

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thehorrorsoftheblackbunnymask · 1 year

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Bro, if I hear one person say anything sexual or anything to imply or show a power imbalance or ownership I'm done.

I heard all these things today and it's been triggering flashbacks. The possessiveness, the sexual stuff, it's too fucking much.

my friend told me that they over heard two guys say "We gotta fuck her quick" and I immediately almost lost it. Like, stuff like that triggers me and reminds me of my abusers and my past so me hearing that made me panic. me hearing that terrified me and today I had to walk when it was really dark out and I was so cautious it wasn't even funny. Today I was kinda out of it. I didn't wanna play my Saxaphone, everytime I stood up I immediately got extremely sexual intrusive thoughts and I felt people touxhibg me everywhere.

I haven't really been doing anything anymore. I haven't been playing Omori as religiously as before but I haven't read fanfics in a long time. I just lie in my bed in my phone trying not to cry everyday.

I don't even want to get better anymore. I just don't care anymore. I have lost all hope. I feel so fucking empty and just wanna bash a girl's head in because of some shit she be doing. I've noticed all this has been affecting my eating habits, which hasn't happened since 2020.

I want to eat but I don't at the same time. I go downstairs and there's nothing. I don't want rice, don't want chicken, nothing. The foods I used to like, I don't care about them anymore. I don't like them but I don't hate them either, it's just food, it's not enjoyable anymore. I've been rude and short tempered lately and more annoyed easily.

One of my friends specifically I've been getting mad at a lot lately. Idk why but she's been getting me pissed and annoyed every day, it the thing is most of the time she isn't doing anything wrong. Like, idk why but Im just annoyed with her and I feel bad because I care about her and wanna be her friend still, but it's just something with my brain that makes me like this.

I don't even want to leave my bed anymore and I've been coming to school late because of it. Idk why, but I just don't want to leave my room. I get so hungry to the point I cry but mind doesn't allow me to get up and go eat, it's like it's controlling me and telling me I don't need food as I'm shaking and barely able to stand. I feel like I'm not as helpful and comforting as I was last year.

Last year I was able to comfort people, check up on them and be a therapy friend, but now it's impossible.

I'm so fucking out of it and so mentally fucked over I can't care able anyone or anything. I don't care about my self all, my mental health, nothing. And when my friends vent to me, I can't help but not care anymore. When I hear people complain I get pissed off and when I tell them stuff they can do and they don't do I start caring even less.

My mind and heart are always fighting with each other. When people tell some sad stuff I don't know what to say anymore. My mind freezes and I stuttted and don't know what to say. I can't think at all and all I can say is damn. Like when my bestie daid they were moving I didn't register it at all, I wasn't sad, or happy, just empty. Idk how to describe how I felt but the closet I can say was that I felt empty.

I've been so close to telling people who always complain to me that I don't fucking care. My anger is filling up and spilling over and I've been snapping so many times. I'm so close to tell them that they have to go complain and bitch to someone else because I can't take it and I just can't care.

Sorry, I just had to blow off some steam. Haven't been doing the best recently.

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crossedwithblue · 1 year

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fuck it all the questions I guess

OOOOOkay here we go! (for some reason it's forcing me to include this in the bullet list)

1:A song you like with a color in the title: Whoreson Prison Blues

2:A song you like with a number in the title: 99 Red Balloons (could also have worked for the previous question hehe)

3:A song that reminds you of summertime: Havana by Camila Cabelo

4:A song that reminds you of someone you would rather forget about: Not over You by Tessa Violet. I still like the song but could do without some of the associations.

5:A song that needs to be played LOUD: Emergency by Icona Pop

6:A song that makes you want to dance: London Thumakda

7:A song to drive to: uhhh I don't drive but Marlene on the Wall is a good song to be driven to

8:A song about drugs or alcohol: the closest I can think of is Die Slow by Venus and the Moon

9:A song that makes you happy: Drunks on a Boat by the Sweetchunks Band (yes I know, terrible band name but I think they're very funny), also Bombastic by Bonnie McKee and Kill of the Night by Gin Wigmore

10:A song that makes you sad: Painter Song by Norah Jones

11:A song that you never get tired of: Movement by Hozier

12:A song from your preteen years: Rasputin and Brown Girl in the Ring (my mum liked Boney M lol)

13:One of your favorite 80’s songs: not quite 80s but Wuthering Heights

14:A song that you would love played at your wedding: I feel like this would depend on my spouse, like it would have to be a song we both loved? So I can't pick one for a slow dance but (might be cheating to repeat it) but I'd have to bust it down to London Thumakda

15:A song that is a cover by another artist: easy - Jennifer Warnes' cover of Joan of Arc

16:One of your favorite classical songs: oh where do I even start? currently I'm really enjoying Janet Baker's recording of Sea Pictures by Elgar bc my orchestra is going to play it! An all-time favourite would be the Largo from the Bach concerto for double violin, or as a cellist, I do have to give Le Cygne a shoutout!

17:A song that would sing a duet with on karaoke: In A Year by Hozier and Karen Cowley. the harmonies are *chef's kiss* and I could probably sing the lower part from memory

18:A song from the year that you were born: apparently Say My Name came out in 2000!

19:A song that makes you think about life: First Love by Emmy the Great

20:A song that has many meanings to you: answered this one already but The Shore by Wiretree

21:A favorite song with a person’s name in the title: Jackie and Wilson by Hozier

22:A song that moves you forward: No Plan by Hozier (yes I know that's the third or fourth Hozier song. I just really love Hozier)

23:A song that you think everybody should listen to: kinda struggling with this one like I don't think my taste is subjective lol. however I unironically think everyone should listen to WAP and think about their reaction to it and like, if it makes them uncomfortable, question whether they have the same pearl-clutching reaction to male rappers talking about their dicks, and why they have an issue with a genuinely fun, clever and unashamed song about female sexuality (also it's just objectively a good song)

24:A song by a band you wish were still together: again idk, i've never really been invested in a band just for the sake of it. however I would love the Pitch Perfect girlies to do an actual world tour so let's say their cover of Cheap Thrills or I Don't Like It, I Love It or even Love On Top since they did that one OOC as a fundraiser

25:A song by an artist no longer living: once again where do I even start lol.

26:A song that makes you want to fall in love: ehhhh I think I'm too aro for this shit. maybe Honeybee by Steam Powered GIraffe, just bc I realised I wanted them on this list.

27:A song that breaks your heart: Wish That You Were Here by Florence and the Machine

28:A song by an artist with a voice that you love: Barefoot by kd lang. voice like a velvet bedspread.

29:A song that you remember from your childhood: ok im having a bit of a crisis rn bc i'm thinking of a specific Bollywood song that I used to dance to with my aunt (a cool young 20something when I was a small child) and I can't remember how it goes any more :') but it was very peppy and we danced to it a lot

30:A song that reminds you of yourself: oh this is so hard! Steampunk Pixie by Frenchie and the Punk when I'm in an energetic mood, Village by Cam when I'm not, and in general and more recently, All Things End by Hozier which I do find a little difficult to listen to bc it's so raw for me lmao

@zackarley tagging you just to make sure you don't miss it after i typed all of this stuff out lol

#bestie thank you for this it was v fun to do and make me think a lot #*blows you an air kiss* (if acceptable of course or else an equivalent virtual gesture of affection)#via shitposts #ask games

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twistednuns · 1 year

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January 2023

Taking care of my mum. A few sentient moments after I'd kinda already expected her to die the night before but she lives to see another year. Glimpses of her humour. Working together with my brother.

A heartfelt article about Robin Sloan, one of my favourite authors. Written by a fellow fangirl.

The sound of cutting crisp Jonagold apples.

I've got this ongoing obsession with a rusty cinnamon red and bought a Barts beanie and nail polish in that shade (Essie - Playing Koi).

My second obsession: salted hot chocolate with whipped cream. I love eating the semi-molten cream with a spoon.

Realising that I have people in my life who actually like and appreciate me. Who enjoy spending time with me. Who I can be myself with. It's such a big contrast to the negative energy I constantly feel staying at my mum's house and being around family members. There is so much history and trauma that I'm not sure I'll ever feel at ease around them. I feel the need to escape.

My mum's death. Which sounds cruel. But it was such a liberating moment because we'd all been waiting for it, even her. We just didn't know when it would happen. And she was in so much pain on her last two days. She had no strength, was barely even conscious. I was truly happy for her. Happy that she made it, happy that her suffering had an end. As I'm writing this I realise that there is still so much sadness and pain that I need to deal with. It all went by so quickly. Exactly one month between the day I learned about her cancer and her death. So hard to grasp.

Going swimming. Feeling powerful and strong, exhausting myself. Diving. Enjoying the outside pool, breathing the clear, cold air. Observing the hot steam under the moonlit night sky. Lots of tiny bubbles.

Feeling inspired. Staying up until 4am, journalling, planning outfits.

My therapist calling Martin an asshole. I love having her on my team.

When Frank didn't show up for me Manu was there to save me and invited me to stay at his place. We had such a nice dynamic and I felt taken care of - or at least taken seriously. My emotions always matter to him and he even cuddled with me. We ordered pizza - that always helps, too.

My brother almost not being annoying for a while. Seeing a tiny chance that I could actually start liking him one day.

I'm proud of keeping up with my meditation practice for so long. By now I've reached the 1000 minutes milestone.

Staying over at Lena's. Joining her Cleanup group meeting. Finding more stars on the ground everywhere. My tiny signs from the universe.

Meeting Doris and Margit for dinner. Tasty food, browsing Flying Tiger, Margit's cool purse and headband. Seeing Teresa Reichl at Vereinsheim Schwabing. Holding hands (or fingers). A spontaneous pub quiz mini win (I basically just went there to solve the anagram).

Sauna with Sash. Watching The Witches of Eastwick and Practical Magic wrapped in a blankie. Soaking up the witchy whimsigoth vibes for fashion inspiration. Simultaneously re-doing the MBTI test with Sash and Yanch. So apparently I'm an I/ENTP now (I've always been an ambivert)?

Walking through the Nymphenburg castle grounds and botanical gardens with Nico. We saw each other for the first time and had a pretty good conversation - not awkward at all. However, I didn't feel a spark either.

The day we finally managed to coordinate the kilm transport at my own school. It wasn't enjoyable at all but I'm so glad it's done and I don't have to feel this constant, underlying anxiety about it anymore.

Driving Do home from school. Soft hands. Starting to write soft bunny poems for her. Reading her stories about Cancer children over the phone.

Talking to her about my feeling that she doesn't like me anymore. My stupid emotional reactions, always thinking everything must me my fault. I actually talked to Obi about it during our walk waiting for the movers. We are both highly intelligent HSPs but whereas I take everything personally and always think that I'm the one who's at fault, he's super pro-social and loses himself over helping others, being of service, suffering from a lack of boundaries. Interesting. I love learning, seeing parallels and patterns.

My first veggie kebab in months.

Dreaming about my mum going on a short vacation. I asked her how that's possible since she's already dead but she told me nonchalantly that death was too boring for her. So... basically she was resurrected, eh? My mum is Jesus.

Sorting out my mum's books. Learning a lot about her through her notes and annotations. However, it's pretty sad to realise that she'd been working on some big issues for decades but never really managed to make lasting changes.

A shopping day with Sash and Lena. Finding a lovely OPUS jacket. Sharing food. Watching a movie together. Meeting again at the pool/sauna the next morning. I stayed at Sash's again and we had French fries, pizza and watched The Menu.

Spending a whole day alone knowing that my brother wouldn't come home that day. I realised how much anxiety it gives me when I can't have real alone time and somebody else is still in the house.

Getting a 4-week-membership for a local yoga studio. I can go as often as I want until the end of February. It's great to be back in a studio. I don't know why I depend on classes and can't seem to establish my own practice at home but fine, I'll work with that.

Chocolate bananas with foamy sugar. Deadly sweet. Amazing mouth feel.

Writing a letter to Do. Admiring my neat handwriting on narrow lines. I really enjoy the process of writing. Another one of these things I tend to forget about.

Curly pasta with a fine batch of roasted veggie marinara. Lots of parmesan of course.

I'm never sure if it's a good thing but I've been having fun with fashion and make-up again. On the one hand I love having/finding beautiful things, being creative with colours and styles - but on the other hand I have the sinking feeling that it's a way to cover up insecurities? Shopping as a coping mechanism, defining your self-worth by your appearance... One of these areas where it's tough for me to find the right balance. Anyway. I've been playing around with bronzer and long, pointy nails. Siren eyes. Highlighter. 90s lip liner. Wearing a beanie and my Everpress CMMC sweater everywhere I go. Hunting for chunky shoes and the right blazer or bomber jacket. Thinking about getting my septum pierced.

Spending a whole day alone knowing that my brother wouldn't come home that day. I realised how much anxiety it gives me when I can't have proper alone time and somebody else is still in the house.

Breakfast with Margit. Cold coffee with coconut milk. Walking through Hofgarten to see the guinea pigs and goats (I realised I'm not only scared of swans but nandus as well - birds with long necks are tagged as #mean in my brain).

The Magic Wand revival.

Our trip to Chiemsee went well. The half moon watched over us. We threw crystals in the water - my intentions were freedom, love and gratitude. Afterwards we ate at a very trendy vegetarian restaurant and it was OK. Martin thanked me for keeping it civil because my mum would have wanted it that way. Anyway. The ending of a long chapter. On the way home my brother drove and I remembered how soothing car rides have always been for me. My mum used to drive me around the block a few times to calm me down when I was a baby. I spent the time meditating and listening to a podcast with Chrystee who offered a guided breathwork exercise. I got a very good buzz from breath retention.

Strawberries. Crunchy peanut butter. Tropical coconut porridge with red kiwi, mango and banana.

An unexpected 20min extension on my therapy session. Realising that my mum never had anyone really taking care of her needs which is why she was emotionally immature and, well, needy. I must have sensed that as a child and refused to take on that role. It was too much for me so I kept my distance. My therapist told me about the Holes in Roles theory and Pessotherapy. I'm interested. And offered her to adopt me but she politely declined.

Eating at myly with Michi. The curry I used to eat all the time when I still lived here still has the number 127a. We talked about our parents for a long time and were the last ones to leave. My fortune cookie simply told me to follow my heart.

Salads. A craving for fresh food. Always nice: kiwis, blueberries or mango in my salad. And cheese.

Starting to look forward to and actually enjoy meditation. I'm used to 30min sessions by now but I often feel like I wanna go longer. Perhaps I'm ready for Vipassana?

#personal #present perfect #things i love #january #2023 #january 2023

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k-drama-trash · 2 years

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what i'm currently watching~~~~

kdrama

can you believe it!!! i'm back to watching kdramas after some time! 1. Business Proposal I LOVE this one to bits...... it is extremely rare that i like the 2nd leads in any drama at all but this one... i ship both the main and second couple. love this drama and all the cute and heartwarming bits so much. lighthearted and warm; easy to watch. feels like it's so nice to be in love. l find myself getting envious watching this drama. Also AHN HYO SEOP.

2.Crazy Love Started on this one because I love the 2 leads. The starting part was incredibly tough to sit through because i think it's so damn lame and exaggerating.. a little too unrealistic and over the top lol. After the first 4 epis I was a hair's breadth to giving up but somehow i decided to continue ep5 maybe because i was too bored & because i really like the 2 leads so much and i can somehow start to see where the story is going again and I like it! the story line is starting to warm up and love is starting to bloom lol excited for what's about to come and see our cold and prickly ceo fall in love. Also a pretty light and funny drama.

3.Forecasting Love and Weather oooo this drama.. started this because of song kang and a little bit of park min young. the leads play a huge part in why i choose to start on any drama. started off pretty steamy but i'm a little disappointed the steam kind of died down in the later episodes lol feels like climax and kinda meh.. but the story line is pretty steady i would say.. i like that there is always something you can "takeaway" from each episode, almost like a lesson to learn. a drama that makes you reflect in one way or another, makes you think about things. there is always some kind of change every episode, just like how unpredictable the weather is lol also im not extremely into the weather which is kind of a little meh for me but this is a show about the weather, right?

4. Soundtrack #1 decided to start on this purely because i was bored.. not a huge fan of both leads but decided to start on it because i wanted to see how hyungsik was doing and i don't mind the female lead.. i like it because it has A LOT of tension lol unrequited love between 2 bestfriends oooooooooooof unfortunately it is only a short drama with 4 episodes.. also the vibe is pretty soft and mellow which is comfortable.. excited for how their love story is going to play out!!!

cdrama

1.余生,请多指教 The Oath of Love the drama i watch every single night right before i close my eyes and go to bed. sweet, cute and lighthearted. makes your heart feel full warm and fluffy. a 2019 film but still relevant i guess lol i like that the male lead is just a stuffy wooden block but is warmed by the female lead's warmth just like a ray of light lmao a drama that makes me happy. extremely sweet also with some tension also a little funny.

2. 与君初相识 The Blue Whisper a strong female lead drama which i live for!! sometimes i fear watching this drama because of the heart wrenching storyline. but i still love it because of how pure it is. love both the leads esp reba. i like ren jia lun's acting also ever since i watched 周深如故 and 一生一世.. love those 2 shows to BITS. funny enough this is also a 2 part drama.. as i type part 1 is about to end which makes me so sad and part 2 starts airing on 6 april i believe. love this storyline though, because both leads have nothing but unchanging love for each other and will rather be hated by each other than bear the cruel truth to the other. excited for part 2 also where they will reunite after the female lead dies and is reborn. love this drama!!!!!!!!!! also the ost is everything

3.大约是爱2 About is Love 2 loved the first season so i'm on this... nothing much to say about this drama though, just watching it because i loved the first season.. pretty mediocre storyline but i like it. i just dislike that there is more of the 2nd and 3rd couple in the 2nd installment of this drama. MAIN LEADS ONLY!!!! lol

thai drama

1. F4 Thailand: Boys Over Flowers ooo damn i LOVE this entire franchise.. i think my #1 so far is still the japanese version.. the visuals of f4 in this drama though.. i would say probably my fav in all the renditions of this franchise. i ship the main leads also.. just for the record i have never shipped the rei and makino in any of the versions; not this one too. I have never thought rei was cute in any of the versions too but THIS THAI VERSION REN IS SO QT!!!!! I think he is even cuter than the main lead. dew y u so qt lol. this version is pretty soft as compared to the others somehow.. i hope they keep riding on this franchise though; whichever country. i hope this drama gets endless remakes lol

2. You are My Heartbeat have not started on this but just keeping this here because I am intending to start on this.. no idea what the story is about but i saw the main poster(?) and I like the male lead so im intending to start on it! phew.. that's quite a bit.. been some time since i've updated so i thought i would.. i'm not ded, just not gif-ing.. i love business proposal and intend on gif-ing it but then again maybe not.. idk.. don't feel like it is a must gif yet lol. i also feel like gif-ing blue whisper omg but then maybe not again lol let's see which drama makes me gif it first... or ultimately none at ha. also i'll probably get bz gif-ing soon because big bang is coming back!!!! so i'll probably not gif any dramas in the end lol what are you watching? let me know if i'm missing a good drama that you think i shouldn't be! also, hope all of you are well, and as always, thank you for being here x

#what im watching #word vomit

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slade-neko · 3 years

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Saw this video game tag thing pop up on my dash a few days ago. Wanted to do it.

1. First game you played obsessively? Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, I believe I was 5yo. Still waiting on that FF7 Remake treatment.

2. A game that has influenced you creatively? Writing, drawing, etc. Well if I play a game and like it, then I'll create sims of it. Does that count?

3. Who did you play with as a kid? My brother from the day I was born.

4. Who do you play with now? My brother FROM THE DAY I WAS BORN.

5. Ever use cheat codes? I wasn't lying when I made this post. {link}

6. Ever buy strategy guides? Yes! Mainly to look at the artwork though. (Don't need no guide!)

7. Any games you have multiple copies of? Lots of games, most being Left 4 Dead with 6 copies (3 Xbox 360, 1 PC case, 2 PC digitally.) What can I say, its a GOOD GAME!

8. Rarest/Most expensive game in your collection? Gold cartridge Legend of Zelda Ocarina of Time (maybe that's rare?)

9. Most regrettable purchase? I don't regret my purchases, but I have received games I have never played like Cubix (PS2) no clue where that game came from, but I have it somehow. Madagascar (Xbox 360) came with my Xbox 360, never opened it from its case. And Monsters Inc. Scream Arena (Gamecube) or something... it was a gift.

10. Ever go to a midnight game release or stand in line for hours? No, because then I'd have to interact with people.

11. Have you ever made new friends from playing video games? I'm only friends with people BECAUSE of video games, so yes.

12. Ever get picked on for liking games? No, that'd be ridiculous.

13. A game you’ve never played that everyone else has? Probably a lot, I'd say Call of Duty, but I technically played CoD 1, 2, and 4. The campaign mode was alright, but I don't really care for CoD games at ALL.

14. Favorite game music? Koji Kondo and Grant Kirkhope are two BIG ones.

15. If it was a requirement to get a game related tattoo, what would you pick? Triforce is the most basic option, but I'd rather not get a tattoo.

16. Favorite game to play with your friends IRL? Super Smash Bros. Brawl with hacks, but that was over a decade ago.

17. Ever lose a friend over a game? No, that'd be ridiculous.

18. Would you date someone that hates gaming? No, that'd be RIDICULOUS.

19. Favorite handheld console? PSP. 3DS is great, but PSP Monster Hunter has ALL of my portable gaming memories. Like playing in school after End of Grade tests with my friend.

20. Game that you know like the back of your hand? Sims 4 I like to think I know everything about Left 4 Dead. Quite a bit about Monster Hunter, more so of a series though than a specific game.

21. Game that you didn’t like or understand as a kid but love now? I'd say Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic. I loved it as a kid, but had a lot of complex pen & paper RPG mechanics that I never understood. I understand a lot more of it now, but its still complex as all heck. I just know you hit things, they die.

22. Do you wear game related clothing/accessories? That's the only thing I wear.

23. The game that you’ve logged the most hours into? Not sure so I'll list a few. Sims 4, Smash Bros. Brawl, Monster Hunter (its a series though), or Left 4 Dead

24. First Pokemon game? Leaf Green

25. Were you ever an arcade game player? No, don't like paying to play.

26. Ever form any gaming rivalries? No.

27. Game that makes you rage? I don't get mad at games, but I had a custom modded Hard Eight mutation in Left 4 Dead that is absolute bullsh*t!

28. Ever play in a tournament? No, because then I'd have to interact with people.

29. What is your gaming set up? A giant wall of video game consoles spanning from NES to Switch, 4 TVs, but I sit at a desk with a PC.

30. How many consoles do you own? "I own every console that's ever existed." - I Don't Play Games When I Play Games (My STRENTH) original song by Smooth McGroove BUT no seriously I own 32 consoles including handhelds.

31. Does the 3DS and/or Virtual Boy hurt your eyes or give you headaches? Yes. 3DS gave me headaches though I only really played with the 3D feature in Ocarina of Time 3D. I think my eyes broke because I couldn't get my 3D to work very well after.

32. Did you ever play a game based on your favorite show/cartoon/movie/comic? Sure I play games based on a lot of things. Literally any anime game. If I had to pick Dragon Ball Xenoverse is kinda like a dream Dragon Ball game. Oh, Attack on Titan 2 is pretty neat too!

33. Did you ever have any bootleg games or plug-n-play games? Some SEGA plug-n-play thing once. Played it like once and now its lost to time (or my closet.)

34. Do either of your parents play video games? Yes. Mom and Dad played NES Super Mario Bros. My Dad went HARD at that game until he saved the Princess. Then he quit forever.

35. Ever work in a game store? Or do you have a favorite game shop? "Hi. Welcome to Gamestop!"I never want to hear that again, but it was my main store until I went full digital/ online orders.

36. Have you ever shed actual blood, sweat or tears over a game? No, I don't tend to get upset or emotional, but Bill dying in Left 4 Dead made me pretty pissed.

37. Have you played E.T. for the Atari 2600? Do you think that’s the worst game ever, or do you have another nomination? Never played it. I don't really play "bad" games, but maybe Sims 4.

38. A game you’re ashamed to admit that you like? The Sims 4

39. A sequel that you would die for them to make? Dragon's Dogma 2 WHICH I think is actually in development, so I'd have to say Fallout New Vegas 2. C'mon Bethesda you cowards, hand the keys back over to Obsidian so they can make another good Fallout game!

40. What to you think of virtual reality headsets or motion controls? Two part question, two answers. VR Headset to immerse in world, yes. Motion Controls, no.

41. A genre that you just can’t get into? MOBAs and MMOs. I don't like paying to keep playing.

42. Maybe it wasn’t your first game, but what was the game that started you on your path to nerdiness? Nintendo 64 opened me up to what video games could be as a kid. Sad to say my parents' NES didn't really do that for me. And years later Fallout 3 was a big game changer for me too.

43. Ever play games when you really should have been concentrating on something else? Every day of my LIFE.

44. Arcade machine that has consumed the most of your quarters? None. I'd rather emulate.

45. How are you at Mario Kart? Pretty dang good. 3-STARS MARIO KART WII, BABY!

46. Do you like relaxing games like Animal Crossing or Harvest Moon? Yes, both of those. I preferred when Animal Crossing had more character to it. New Horizons looks so pretty, but feels so bland compared to classic AC.

47. Do you like competitive games? No. Not really. Usually amongst friends or if I can get competitive against AI Bots. I love my machine bot friends cause they don't cry like 10 year olds when they lose.

48. How long does it take your to customize your player character? Too long. I've seriously restarted games because I wasn't happy with my character's appearance.

49. In games where you can pick your class, do you always tend to go for the same type of character? Yes, I am always the magic man, my brother is always brute warrior, and my friend is the ranger.

50. If you were a game designer, what masterpiece would you create? I don't really know. Honestly, I'd rather mod already good games to make them better than create something completely new.

51. Have you ever played a game for so long that you forgot to eat or sleep? No, that'd be ridiculous. But I've had a friend fall asleep playing games at my house 3 different times and currently dozes off during our Minecraft sessions. So, maybe that's not a completely ridiculous thing after all.

52. A game that you begged your parents for as a kid? Kirby 64 apparently. My brother tells me we had to count out pennies to buy it. I must've been too young with no recollection, but I believe it.

53. What’s your opinion on DLC these days? It's good if its not in the game's files from the beginning and is actually developed AFTER launch... and pre-order bonuses should be standard DLC a month or two later. Some games have content lost to time because of that pre-order bullsh*t.

54. Do you give in to Steam sales? Of course. If you want a game and its on sale then why not? I typically wait just for Steam sales to get games.

55. Did you ever make someone you hated in the Sims and did mean stuff to them? No? I typically make people and characters I like in Sims. I've made villains like Dio, but he's an anime villain and I don't really HATE him despite the horrible things he's done.

56. Did you ever play Roller Coaster Tycoon and kill off your guests? No. Never played that game.

57. Did you ever play a game to 100% or get all of the achievements? I try to for all the games I really like.

58. If you can only play 3 games for the rest of your life, which ones do you pick? The Sims 4, Skyrim, & Fallout: New Vegas. Mods make them live forever. Left 4 Dead and Monster Hunter are good choices too.

59. Do you play any cell phone games? Those aren't games.

60. Do you know the Konami Code? No? But I'll take a guess. Is it make an IP and forget it exists?

61. Do you trade in your games or keep them forever? Keep forever... even the bad ones.

62. Ever buy a console specifically to play one game? PS4 Pro for Monster Hunter World. It was basically for early access since the PC version was being developed and releasing after PS4, but I don't like waiting.

63. Ever go to a gaming convention or tournament? Sort of. Been to anime cons and walked into the gaming tournament rooms only to walk out less than 10 minutes later.

64. Ever make a TV or monitor purchase based on what would be best for gaming? No, but I'm going to be doing that soon, hopefully.

65. Ever have a Game Genie, Game Shark or Action Replay? Did it ever mess up your game’s save file? GameShark for N64, PS2, Gameboy, and Action Replay for Gamecube, DS, 3DS. And no not really, I would cheat responsibly... but there was this one time at school my friend and I borrowed another friend's Gameboy game, loaded it up with my Gameshark, tried playing, it crashed, loaded it back up, save file corrupted... we just stared at each other jaws dropped, "Here's your game back, dude. Make sure you don't play it til you get back home!"

66. Did you ever have have an old Nokia with Snake on it? No, but I remember seeing them on billboards in the game DRIV3R on PS2.

67. Do you have a happy gaming-related childhood memory you want to share? Every game I play is filled with happy memories (mostly.)

68. Ever save up a ton of tickets in an arcade to get something cool? These tiger plushes. My brother got white and I got orange. They were the coolest. Got a butt load of tickets from some jackpot spinning light game thing as I was good at the timing with repeated jackpot hits.

69. In your opinion, best game ever made? I've played quite a few masterpiece games, but to pick one, I'd say Fallout: New Vegas

70. Very first game you ever beat? Super Mario 64. I was a mere child on a Sunday morning and ate celebratory pancakes made by my Dad.

Wow, that was long... I get the feeling this was supposed to be a "send me ask with numbers" thing, but answering all at once is more fun.

#personal #video games

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sebs-anxiety-and-insanity · 4 years

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TW: Implied self harm, implied suicide, c!thomas is a sad mess, cussing

Viewer discretion is advised

Here is the song by city and colour

youtube

The way it used to be/ ThVi (its sad)

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This is the story of a man

Thomas sat on his couch, scrolling through Twitter, replying to mentions here and there, just sitting. He felt Virgil lay down on his lap, going seemingly limp against him. Thomas put down his phone to turn his attention to his boyfriend. "You good there, Virge?" He nodded, smiling. "Having anxiety is just exhausting." Thomas sighed. "Why didn't you come get me?" Virgil shook his head. "Didn't wanna bother you, and besides, it wasn't even that bad. Now I am here with you." He turned on his side wrapping his arms around Thomas's waist. Thomas sighed in content. He knew this would be the rest of his life and he was completely happy with it.

Who took for granted everything he had

"I- I'm sorry okay? Please calm down!" Virgil said harshly not wanting to scream anymore than Thomas already had. "NO! WHAT THE HELL?!!! YOU KNEW THAT WAS IMPORTANT TO ME!!! THAT COULD'VE BEEN MY BREAK!!" Virgil shrunk back a bit. "I- I know, but-but I can't help it! Its literally my job!" Thomas huffed. "JUST LEAVE ME ALONE ANXIETY!!!!" Virgil flinched. He called him anxiety instead of his name.... Right as Thomas began to opened his mouth again, Virgil teleported to his room, locking the door.

And how he let it all just slip away

From then on, Virgil didn't act the same, flinching away from touches, hardly speaking and never wanted to be touched really. And a few months after a few more fights and awkward encounters he finally came out of his room he only grabbed a book, one Thomas had never seen before, and left. Returning hours later to say quietly that it would never happen again. And he left. Thomas would've gone after him but he had to go somewhere, and he would always be here when he gets back. Waiting for him since there isn't no where else to go.

Never to return again

He arrived back home sad? He hadn't had any anxiety which was unusual since he was surrounded by a bunch of people, bombarding him with a bunch of questions. He decided now was the time to go check on Virgil, say he is sorry and figure out why everything seemed gloomy. He went into the mind palace, and even the living room which was a neutral space was sad, not as much as everything else but still sad. He walked up the stairs, immediately noticing the bright blue door that had dogs and cats with a couple of frogs, was deepened and cracked, similar things done to the other doors. He walked down closer to Virgil's room, when he heard sobbing. Panic seeping in he ran to Virgils room only to stop dead in his tracks. Patton was crying, and was being cradled by Logan. Janus was in tears on Virgils bed, cradling a piece of fabric. He looked in the bathroom and his blood ran cold. Roman had tears steaming down while harshly talking with Remus, who was in the same state. He couldn't make out what they were saying since they were not audible from where he was. And a single limp arm dangled from the bathtub, red streaks streaming down said arm. Rushing in Roman immediately tried to stop him from seeing, but it was too late. He already saw Virgils lifeless body in a bathtub of red from his bleeding wrists. Tears streaming down his face. He faught against Roman to get to his boyfriends lifeless body. Why did this happen?

Now twenty years have come and gone

"Yeah, well fuck you! You shouldn't still be mourning him! And even if you weren't you still can't pretend I am him!" Anxietys distorted voice rang throughout the room. Thomas flinched. It's been twenty fucking years and they still didnt know anxietys name. And he still looked like Virgil which didnt help shit. He looked up to notice that Anxiety had disappeared. He sighed sitting back down on the couch, head in his hands. god what happened?

And still he wonders what he did so wrong

The next week he stayed in his room, refusing to do anything. Yeah it was twenty years ago but seeing anxiety made it yesterday. He soon created a sick little world in his head, where Virgil never died. And they just broke up. But Thomas knew there was hope of getting Virgil to get back together.

And how that he can win back *his* heart

Anxiety was now scared to be anxiety. Patton always trying to be happy, but failing from time to time, but still always vowing to protect him from such awkward encounters with their host. Anxiety would walk down to get a snack and Thomas would have a date set up for the both of them. Always calling him 'Virgil' and ignoring him saying that he wasnt this 'Virgil' he kept speaking of. And even though he failed, Thomas would always try again. He just had to win Virgils heart back. Ignoring Logan who was trying to get him to stop this behavior.

And finally step outside of the dark

Thomas sniffed the Roses he had bought which was purple, contrary to Anxietys black clothing. Satisfied with the purchase he left, waving goodbye to the owner of the shop, who had remembered his name and a few things about him, since he was in there every day.

He buys fresh roses every day

He offered the flowers to Anxiety once again, who awkwardly pushed them away and teleported out of the situation. He felt horrible, only being known for the past him, and not- ... well, him! Who even said he liked roses.

His favorite flower- so he used to say

It was the middle of the night, and Thomas was sobbing into the covers. The only time he wasn't stuck in his fake world since he was on medication which often made him forget his fake world for the night. He was sobbing, going through various memories of Virgil wearing roses in his hair. He reached over to take another swig of liquor, the all too familiar taste calming him a bit. And anxiety had to watch, since he never slept.

And now the memories are all that he has left

His drinking got more prominent, and even Remus was worried, usually his sticking thoughts and jokes would be there no matter what, but he was drained and focused on his host, not knowing what to do, but watch as this got sickening, even for him. Anxiety was on the same page as Remus, just at a lower volume. But he was the one who had to watch it 24/7 and he couldnt bare to look at his host like this.

I'm afraid he'll drink himself to death

While Thomas kinda creeped him out, Anxiety still felt bad for him, and it was still his job to protect his host. He decided to tell Logan about the rising intake of alcohol each night, slowly turning into spiked coffee, and other things. He really needed to stop...

This is the story of a man

Patton set Anxiety down, preparing himself. "Hey kiddo... I know you know that Virgil, our previous anxiety and friend, has passed... away. But I don't think, we ever told you how.... And for you to fully understand why Thomas is the way he is now, you need to hear the story, and I'm forced to tell it as Roman and Logan have been losing their minds, you know because of Thomas pretending that Virgil is still alive..." tears gathered in his eyes as he continued, telling the story as best he could.

Who took for granted everything he had

Anxiety felt bad for his past self and everyone else... he completely understood what Virgil was going through. But hearing it from his father figure made it twice as hard to pretend to be unphased by the information. This is one sad and frustrating story...

And how he let it all slip away

Anxiety didn't know how to feel for his host, anger? Or pity? He really tried to understand what had happened, but the relationship between Virgil and his host was really confusing, how could it not be? Especially towards the end...

Never to return again

Tears were now forming in Anxietys eyes as it became harder to understand Patton who was sobbing. He had lost his 'son' after all... And Anxiety felt like he lost a brother.

It's clear he moved on long ago

Thomas spiraled even further as he realized that his efforts to get Virgil back with him were futile. And he hated it. He hated it so much. He took another sip of his spiked coffee. Hoping to calm his nerves however he could. But always no matter what, when his meds arent making him somewhat sober minded, he always goes back to believing that he could somehow still win Virgils heart...

But still he clings on to the distant hope

He never slept now, even before he got atleast two hours of sleep. But that didnt happen anymore.. Thomas just stared at the ceiling as flashes of them together played through his mind. They looked so happy... Virgil looked happy...

That he'll come back and make a happy home

Everyone was spiraling as Thomas did, but it took more time for some of them. And Anxiety couldn't help because that would hurt his host even more. Anxiety decided to stop watching his host at night. Staring at the ceiling. He felt utterly useless, and he hated it. He sighed sitting up, the TV turned off, so it was playing footage of what Thomas was doing, and unsurprisingly he was still drinking and crying softly...

And now its him and the bottle all alone

As he spiraled he seemed to remember that his world was fake. And this made him unpredictable, and the others were spiraling with him, anxiety was spiraling the slowest. Which forced him to be the one always watching him. Sometimes he would look over at the TV to check on him and see him under a cherry blossom tree that had a swing hang on it. It was there he seemed the most sane. And numb, which kinda made it terrifying.

Sometimes you'll see him in the yard

You could tell by just looking at him sitting in the swing he was broken. Tears falling slowly, smiling to himself while he mumbles things to himself, something about how beautiful the imagination was. Clutching what seemed to be a purple hoodie.

A wounded man with a desperate heart

It seemed to be all he ever was, anxiety sighed sadly watching as Thomas pulled weeds from purple roses in the imagination. It seemed to be more of a calming thing, but it was still sad to watch.

He kept his Roses (hedges) trimmed nice and neat

Janus was watching Thomas with anxiety one day. Sadly noting that Thomas had replaced the area around the cherry blossom tree to replicate the way it looked when they first got together.

To keep them the way that they used to be

Thomas sat there in the swing admiring his work.

This is the story of a man

He sighed swinging back and forth a bit.

Who took for granted everything he had

After that day he seemed to be getting better, going to see a doctor about his spiraling.

And he let it all just slip away

Thomas was in fact getting better. He had stopped drink as much as he did, but it was a work in progress, and he even got a bit more comfortable around anxiety.

Never to return again

Thomas hung up the purple hoodie on his bathroom door. Just... admiring it sadly.

A single dress hangs on it's own

He would often would often smell the hoodie, it still smelled like him...

A scent of perfume all he has to hold

He remembers fading to his final sleep that night, clinging to the hoodie...

A wasted life waiting on a dream

As he closed his eyes one final time he saw him and Virgil sitting on the swing. Having fun and talking, just enjoying the others presence.

Hoping for things the way they used to be

He was happy, finally. Gone from the world he knew as pain. And he smiled.

This is the story of a man, who took for granted everything he had. And how he let it all just slip away, never to return again...

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Not really proofread so sorry for any mistakes!!!

But uh yeah hope you enjoyed!!

#sander sides #virgil sanders #Anxiety sanders #sandersides #c!thomas #song fic #sadness #Youtube

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nothingbutfangirlsmut · 5 years

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The Girl Out of Time

Pairing: Bucky x Reader & Sam x Reader

Rating: Story will be overall MATURE but not every chapter. There will be strong language, talk of both mental and physical abuse, some good ole angst, and some eventual smut once the story reaches that point.

Note: This is something I've had an idea of for awhile but just now getting the idea to form an actual story. Kind of a let's see how this goes project. I hope you guys enjoy! Don't be shy let me know what you think!

Chapter 4

Natasha and I started walking down the street. She said it was a nice day for a walk and I couldn't complain. I'd like to see more of the city and how its changed.

After walking around for about an hour while chatting and asking Natasha questions I felt I had a little bit of a handle on this new place but I'm still far from knowing everything.

"You hungry?" Nat asked.

"I could definitely eat." I laughed.

"There's a cafe on the next street that has some of the best food." She smiled wide as she lead the way.

If you didn't know the cafe was here you'd miss it easily. There was no sign only the name on the glass window. I followed Nat inside and up to the counter. There was a large sign on the wall behind the counter showing the menu. I scanned over it looking for something I wanted to try.

After we ordered we stepped to the side to wait on our food and drinks. Nat had ordered me some kind of coffee she called a French vanilla latte with caramel. She said it was to die for.

"After we eat I was thinking we could go check out that museum exhibit Grace mentioned. Maybe it can help you remember something about that guy." Nat said with a smile.

Before I could answer a young woman handed us our drinks. Nat smiled big as she took hers. I waited to take a drink as I thought over her offer.

"I appreciate it but I think that's something I need to do with Steve. If I did know this James Barnes then Steve should remember him." I stated simply.

"I'd definitely ask him about it when we get back. He should be there by now."

I nodded. Did Steve know this guy? If he does how did I forget him? If what Grace said was true then I shouldn't have forgotten him. I remember everything about my life and about Steve but not James Barnes. What happened to me to make me forget?

When our food was done Nat grabbed the bag. We decided to go back to the tower and eat there. I had too much I needed to talk to Steve about.

As soon as I stepped off the elevator in the tower I heard Steve's voice. He was standing in the kitchen talking to Clint. Natasha walked over to the counter and sat the bag of food down. She pulled mine out and handed it to me. I sat on one of the tall stools with Nat beside me. Steve was standing on the other side in front of me.

"Where did you two go?" He asked us.

"To see Gracie" I said simply.

"Gracie? Your sister?"

I nodded then took my first bite of food. Nat was right it was delicious. It also went well with the amazing latte she had gotten me.

"That's great that you got to see her." Steve smiled.

"She gave me this." I said pulling the photo out of my pocket.

I handed it to him. He laughed the moment he looked at it.

"I forgot this photo even existed. Look at us. I was horrendous." He laughed shaking his head.

"You and Bucky" he smiled shaking his head again.

"You know him? Grace said his name was James Barnes."

Steve looked up at me with a brow raised.

"You don't know who he is?" Steve asked.

"No, I have no idea. I don't remember him at all." I kept my eyes on my food.

"How is that possible? You remember everything else right?" He asked sitting the picture down.

"Yea, I remember you and me. We were always together and causing some kind of trouble or exploring New York outside of Brooklyn. I don't remember James ever being with us." I explained after I took a few more bites.

"His nickname was Bucky. That's what most people called him. Everyone except you. You always called him Jamie unless you were mad at him then you'd use his full name. He was always with us. Every memory you have of just you and me Bucky was there too. There was always a spark between you two but you never acted on it. At least not until the night this photo was taken. You were upset thinking you'd never see Bucky again. When we found you after you ran off from us you were in tears. I let Bucky handle that one alone. I don't know what exactly happened but when you two met back up with me you were smiling and hanging off him. He always meant something to you and you were always his light. When we were together as the Howling Commandos he told me it was the small photo of you that he kept in his pocket that kept him going. Your light and happiness."

I just stared at him. How do I not remember this man who apparently meant so much to me? I picked the photo up to look it over again. Who is he? What kind of person? What did his voice sound like?

"What happened to him?" I asked not looking up from the photo.

"He died. I tried to save him but I failed. My best friend died right in front of me. The thought of coming back home and having to tell you scared the hell out of me." He gave me a small sad smile.

"Then you nose dived into the ocean and never got the chance." Natasha stated.

Steve nodded.

"I need to clear my head." I said getting up from the counter.

"Wanna help me train?" Nat asked.

"Train?" I arched a brow at her.

She nodded then hopped off her stool. She walked up the few stairs to where I stood. She wrapped her arm around mine then drug me down the hall.

The training room was larger than I expected. There was equipment everywhere of every possible kind you could think of. Nat walked over to the wall and grabbed four gloves. She came back over to me and handed me two.

"I'm gonna help you let off some steam. I can't imagine what it's like having part of your life ripped from your memory on top of you waking up almost 70 years into the future." Nat smiled then grabbed my shoulders.

She turned me around then pushed me towards the punching bag at the far end of the room. She's right I do need to blow off some steam. I'm so tense. I need to clear my mind for a little bit.

I took my first swing at the bag. It was harder than I thought it would be.

"I want you to think about everything that's bothering you right now. As you think about it let that frustration come out in each swing." Nat explained.

I nodded and took a deep breath.

"I was kidnapped."

I punched the bag.

"Then they froze me."

I punched the bag.

"I wake up 67 years later."

I punched the bag.

"I have memories taken from me."

I punched the bag.

"Who was he?"

I punched the bag.

"Why take those memories from me?"

I punched the bag.

"And now I'll never know the answer."

I punched the bag.

"Because he's fucking dead!"

I punched the bag.

Both Natasha and I stood frozen. The bag I had been punching now laid in a pile a few feet from us. It was busted open. It's guts spilling out onto the floor.

"What the hell?" Nat breathed out.

"I don't know. I've never done that before." I panted.

"Jarvis, get Steve in here now." Natasha ordered.

I tore my gloves off and tossed them to the floor. How did my life change like this? I swear three days ago I was home with my sisters. In my home in 1946. Why did this happen to me?

Steve ran into the room closing the door behind him.

"What's wrong?" He asked glancing between both of us.

Nat pointed to the bag on the floor then looked to me. Steve seemed to understand what she was saying. He walked over to me and took my hands.

"I want you to hit me." He said sternly.

"What? Why would I do that?" I asked in confusion.

"I need to check something. The only way to do that is for you to hit me or fight me. I need to feel what kind of strength you have." He explained.

"Steve, look at me, I don't have any strength. That was just a weird accident." I stated.

Steve shook his head obviously not believing me.

"Seriously Will, I can handle it." He smiled at me.

"Fine" I huffed.

Steve stood in front of me as I pulled my arm back. I swung as hard as I could hitting him in the chest. Steve let out a groan as he fell backwards.

"Oh shit" Natasha laughed.

Steve groaned as he rolled over to slowly stand himself back up. Once he was on his feet he leaned on his knees breathing heavy.

"I think you broke something." He groaned rubbing his chest.

"Stop it Steve that's not funny." I scolded him for his act.

"It kinda is" Nat said.

"I'm not playing Willow." He lifted his shirt over his head.

I had to force myself to focus on the spot I hit instead of his ridiculously chiseled abdomen. There was a bruise already forming in the middle of his chest. There is no way I hit him that hard. He's a super soldier! I can't bruise him.

"Come on, I need Bruce to run some tests." Steve said quickly after putting his shirt back on.

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Masterlist

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myfeetkeepdancing · 5 years

Text

Up The Ladder | Tom Holland x Male!Reader

Pairing: Tom Holland x Male!Reader

Warning: Fluff

Word count: 1687

A/N: Just a quick drabble I made last night, could barely sleep. Because... I got a BIG ass promotion! Good times! ✨

The car shook from the speakers blasting your favorite songs. You feel the vibrations from the speakers resonate through your arm resting on the door panel. You can’t help but sing along from the top of your lungs. The steering wheel becoming your drum set. You definitely got some weird looks from people at the traffic lights. But it didn’t matter. The excitement coursed through your entire body. Nothing could stop you now. Every speed limit was overstepped. Every car overtaken. Not even a speeding ticket could ruin your day. You’ve never driven home faster than before.

With your favorite tunes still thundering between your ears, you rhythmically jump up the stairs. One ear to the front door, you silently fumble with the lock. Trying to sneak in your own apartment like some sort of spy. Your best hopes were on Tom still being in bed. Being all fluffy and tucked in between those warm sheets. The thought alone made you soft. Making the grin on your face even more prominent.

But all things considered, there was a fair chance Tess would see you coming or smell. Somehow she always sensed it. When Tom returned home from a day of shooting on set. He'd return home, physically exhausted, but full with excitement and energy coursing through him. Before he got a chance to tell you about his day. Tess would just run between you two, bouncing up and down. If she wanted to bring that energy and excitement from Tom to you. Participate in the crazy energy sparking between you. Even when you got together, cuddling on the couch, blanket, and drinks at the ready. Tess wouldn't stop going crazy, running along the couch, dragging her pillows and toys with her. Eventually, she'd calm down, and curl up between the two of you.

You shake the thought of Tess and take a sneak peek inside. From behind the bar, you spot Tom. Wearing his oversized pajamas, his brown curls somewhat straightened, cup of tea in one hand. His eyes rolling over the screen of his phone. What a treasure of a human being he was. You can’t help but stare at him for a moment, taking in the beauty that was yours. You hear small paws moving about on the wooden floor. A familiar brown dot appears in your lower peripheral vision. Tess’s cute head pops through the door, looking up at you. Tongue hanging from her your jaw. Her beautiful big brown eyes staring at you, just like Tom's could. “C’mere Tess…” Tom murmurs between his lips, still focusing on his screen. Tess didn't flinch, patiently awaiting your reaction. You decide to stand your ground. See how this plays out. Seconds go by, maybe minutes. You don't know for how long. It didn't really matter. You had time to spare. And looking at Tom wasn't the worst of things to spend your time on. His sleepy eyes scan across the screen, as his fingers play with the cord of the tea bag. Sipping the steaming hot tea with care. "Tess?" Tom questions as he glances towards the door. You see his eyes staring at Tess for mere seconds as they shoot up.

You can't help but smile at his expression. "Wha- Hah! Hey!” Tom face just shines with joy. “Wasn’t expecting you..." The first step you take into the room makes Tess all happy, bouncing left and right. Desperate for your attention. With a thud, you leave your bag onto the side table. Crouching in front of Tess you give her a big hug. Rubbing her head between your hands. Finishing it off with a kiss on top of her head. Tom was pleasantly surprised. Wiping the sleepers from his eyes. "I- eh…" You could only giggle. There was so much to tell. You wanted to. All at once. But where should you start? This was your moment. You can't help but smirk, smile and giggle all at once.

“That-” Tom shakes his head, smiling in wonder. “That… grin on your face.” He chuckles. “You gonna tell me, love?”

“Just this morning-” You hang your coat on the rack. Straightening the collar on your vest. Making you feel more confident. But also building tension. Tom hated that. And you knew. “Yeeesss…” Tom continues sounding slightly annoyed from the kitchen. “Go on…”

“I got my fucking promotion!” You whip the words right through the room. Releasing all your excitement. All the happiness. Your smile couldn’t stretch much further across your face.

“Oh my God! (Y/N)! I-I-I.. I told you!” His lips quiver at your sight. “I knew it! I'm… I-” Tom sputters.

You worked so hard for this. Years have gone by. Time and time again, you were denied the opportunity. Pushed aside by bigger egos. Diminished by other managers. Lied to by executives. And worst of all, held down by your superior. “You know Chris, right?” Before Tom could respond, you just kept rambling. About being called in, shifting powers and new positions opening up. They informed you that your current manager was being transferred to another district. He had denied your promotions time and time again. And that opened up a lot of options, right on the spot. A promotion with a good prospect for the future. Tom only nodded as you kept rambling. No questions asked. “The future also holds a promotion into operational manager for the neighboring districts. Can you believe it? I’ve always wanted that job since the day I started there. And now it’s right around the corner…”

“I’m really happy for you. You deserve this… so much…” Swallowing the lump in his throat. Did you just see that right? The rim of his eyes color red. Tom wiping his eyes with the back of his wrists. “Tom? A-Are you crying?” You giggle and laugh softly. “I'm not. I'm not… I'm… just...” Tom tries to regain himself. You spot a small tear trailing down his cheek. He turns his head away for several seconds, trying to hide that he actually is crying. For a split second, you realized your mistake. You laughed Tom in his face over a tear of happiness. “I'm s-sorry Tom, I-...” Tom turns back to you, his eyes swollen red. But a big ass smile painting his face. “D-Don't. I know what t-this means to you. You’re so passionate about it. You should see yourself. It’s cute.”

His words fall from his lips with snickering in-between. You spot the conflict on his face. Throwing his head back as he leans back against the kitchen counter. “Your mom once told me that you look up to me. That you feel you need to prove yourself. While you're always there for me. That moment y-you… walked in, that smile, that enthusiasm. Your moment of triumph. It made me realize what your job means to you. I need to support you in that. Just like you did with me all these months.” Tom was trying to hold back his tears. But each sentence made it more and more difficult for him. Blinking rapidly as he spoke his mind. Speaking his feelings that had cropped up for weeks. Holding his hand up in front of you, indicating to stay back. But that wasn't your plan. You wanted to comfort him. Hold him close to you. Cuddle him. Share your joy. Now there was nothing but an uncomfortable distance between you. “Tom, do I look mad? Sad? Disappointed?”

“N-No… But I-“

“Tom, I’m here to talk my decision over. Discuss it with you. Your part of my life. I'm thrilled about my promotion and the things that it's going to bring. But I don’t want to travel day and night. I wanna be there when you walk that red carpet. When you do your interviews. I wanna see you shine. And at the end of the day. It’s you that makes me smile. It’s you that makes me happy. Not a job in the world that changes that.”

“I don’t-… You take days off to travel with me to set. Only to watch. You make all ends meet to find a sitter for Tess. You travel to red carpet events with me to help calm my nerves. Only for you to be denied access. Spending the night in some dark cafe waiting for me to return. You help me practice my lines. You even make me breakfast on days like this while I'm free. Do you know how that makes me feel?”

“Loved?”

“Dickhead…”

“So…how long has this been circling in that brain of yours, Tommy?”

“Weeks... And now you show up like this. It kinda broke me.”

“Come here. Let’s hug this out.” You spread your arms out, hoping to encase Tom’s figure close to you.

“Can you do one thing for me…?” With the edges of his white shirt, he wipes his eyes clean. His six-pack teasing you as his shirt moves upwards. The red in his eyes slowly fading away.

“If it has something to do with the bedroom…” You tease, taking a step closer.

He takes his phone from the counter and snaps a picture from you. “That’s up to you…” Tom’s look on his face says it all. “That smile is going straight to my background. Gorgeous..."

“I’m listening…” You press on. Tom licks his lips as you step closer. You suck your lower lip between your teeth. You slowly step into the kitchen. With both hands, you grab his pelvis and press him against you. Guiding your hands from his hips up to his back. Wrapping your arms around his torso. His arms slide around your neck as he lifts himself up onto his toes. Just high enough to gently press his lips onto yours. Being taller than Tom for sure had its cute moments.

“What if I tell you, you need to follow your dream?” Tom says.

You tilt your head to one side. Letting the question sink in for a moment. Tom looking at you with dreamy eyes. “I already am.” Planting your lips on his as you shove him against the kitchen counter.

#tom holland x male reader #tom holland reader #tom holland x male!reader #tom holland x reader #male reader x tom holland

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