On Cadi as the Welsh equivalent of Queer
(image: screenshot of the entry for Cadi in Geiriadur Prifysgol Cymru)
Some of you may already know this, but for those who don't, Cadi is a Welsh word which is analogous to the word Queer in English. I say analogous, since their meanings aren't quite a 1:1 match. But for shorthand, Welsh equivalent of Queer sums 90% of it up.
It has been suggested tentatively by some to use Cadi as the Welsh translation of Queer. I'm going to explore arguments for and against, but ultimately the choice to use/not use Cadi as a 1:1 with Queer is entirely up to you. Warning that this post is quite long, but I do hope you'll stick with it- please let me know what you think in the notes!
Without further ado, let's get into it:
Definition of Cadi:
Cadi is a term which has existed in Welsh since the 17th Century (roughly) and generally refers to effeminacy in men (real or perceived). Over time, the meaning of the term has expanded to refer to other (Queer) things as well. But the term itself largely has been applied to Queer men and queer masculinities through time.
The term itself derives from the girl's name Catrin and you will come across women who call themselves Cadi as a shortening of their name (like Liz from Elizabeth and so on). In this way, there is a strong point of comparison to be had with the English queer pejorative Nancy, which also derives from a girl's name.
Can Cadi be considered the Welsh equivalent of Queer?
So now to the real meat of the post. Can Cadi be considered the Welsh equivalent of Queer? The answer to that is, unsurprisingly, complicated.
As described above, Cadi is a term which has had strong associations with male effeminacy (real or perceived) and has close parallels to the English term Nancy, which is also nearly exclusively applied to Queer men and masculinities. What this presents is a quandary and I'll explain what I mean by that. But first, we need to outline the history of LGBTQIA+ terminology in general (in the West).
LGBTQIA+ Terminology and the inclination towards cis gay language:
This is a huge huge topic which I cannot possibly do justice to here alone, so I'd highly recommend reading up on these topics when you have time, but for the sake of brevity, here is a tldr on the history of LGBTQIA+ terminology (slightly UK-centric but similar events also happened in the US and Canada, as well as other parts of Europe).
Campaign for Homosexual Equality (CHE) is a British Lesbian and Gay rights organisation founded in the 1960s, during a time of great social and political change. The organisation's membership grew and grew well into the 70s before declining in the 80s. It was during this time that some lesbian members of the organisation left citing erasure of lesbian issues and misogyny in the movement.
CHE and similar gay and lesbian rights movements in this period had been inclined to centre gay men's issues in their activism, which understandably led to many lesbians feeling alienated. Some lesbians left in the late 70s and early 80s and began to form their own advocacy groups. This indirectly fed into a wider feminist upheaval at the time and led to the rise of lesbian feminism, which aimed to centre lesbian issues within feminism, but unfortunately (for complex historical reasons) did then contribute to the proliferation of rad\ical femi\nism within the Queer community, which then unfortunately contributed to the rise of tra\ns exclu\sionary rad\ical fem\inism.
Regardless of the unfortunate rise of transphobia within the lesbian feminist movement, the original catalyst for the formation of these groups was a sense of alienation from the rest of the Queer community because gay men's issues had been prioritised over lesbian issues, when both could have been tackled together, with each other. This alienation was echoed in the names of organisations and events- many early homosexual rights groups only had homosexual or gay in their group names. It took many years before advocacy groups started adding 'and lesbian' to their names and events.
(For further reading, I would suggest watching this video by Verilybitchie about the history of lesbian erasure in homosexual advocacy and how that led to (some) lesbian groups excluding bi and trans people in the same way they were excluded by gay men)
What does that history mean for Cadi?:
Because of a history of lesbian (and by extension, women's) exclusion from homosexual advocacy groups, is Cadi the best term to use as a catch-all given its strong associations with men's expressions of Queerness? (namely, that as a pejorative it is largely aimed at femininity in men and subsequent assumed homosexuality). It is important to consider if using Cadi as an equivalent of Queer would centre a (typically cis) gay experience/expression of Queerness and if that would alienate other members of the LGBTQIA+ community.
However, a counterpoint to this would be that there are variations of the term Cadi which do include other experiences of Queerness:
Cadi ffan (similar to just 'Cadi')- typically used to describe femininity in men and boys [N. Wales]
Cadi genod/ Cadi merched (similar to above) - effeminate man/boy [N. Wales]
Cadi bechgyn - Romping girl, tomboy [N. Wales]
Cati fachgen - (similar to above)- Romping girl, tomboy [S. Wales]
Cadi Haf - Male maypole dancer dressed as a girl
They are, however, somewhat limited for use in reclamation and have to be qualified by another noun to indicate diversion from the original term's meaning.
But when talking about the term Cadi, we often speak in the abstract- without the context in which the term is used. So here are a few extracts from texts which use the term Cadi (or variants). Since this is a mostly spoken slang term, it doesn't turn up in print often, but there are a few examples to draw on.
Examples of Cadi in texts:
Page 164- Cwm Eithin by Hugh Evans (1931):
"DAWNSIO HAF
Ceir darnodiad o'r ddefod hynafol dawnsio haf yn Y Gwyl- fedydd, 1823, tudal. 306, gan un a'i geilw ei hun “ Callestrwr,” fel yr arferid hi yn Callestr (Fflint, mae'n debyg). Ym mis Ebrill arferai o ddwsin i ugain o bobl ieuainc ymuno i baratoi ar gyfer y ddawns. Gwisgai'r dawnswyr eu crysau yn uchaf wedi eu haddurno ag ysnodennau a blodau. Cariai'r arweinydd fforch bren ar lun y llythyren Y. Gwnïid lliain o'r naill fraich i'r llall, ac addurnid y fforch ag amryw lestri arian, tebotiau, llwyau, cigweiniau, efc. Byddai gyda hwy grythor yn ei ddillad ei hun, “cadi” mewn gwisg merch, ac ynfytyn mewn gwisg ryfedd â phlu yn ei ben"
[emphasis mine]
This extract is the author's account of Dawnsio Haf- a Summer dance held on May Day and his investigations into it. At his time of writing (1931) the practice has died out, but later in this chapter he interviews an old woman from the Conwy Valley who participated in the dances as a child. Evans draws upon a source from 1823 for his description of Dawnsio Haf. In it, he mentions that 20 young dancers meet up for the dance wearing shirts decorated with ribbons and flowers. A leader carries a fork in the shape of the letter "Y"- between each point on the "Y" a cloth was strung with silverware dangling from it to make noise. With the 20 dancers would be a crwth-player (crythor), a Cadi in women's clothes and a fool with a feather on his cap and odd clothes.
This usage is quite archaic and refers to a folk dance- much like mumming or morris-dancing. There is however, a picture in the People's Collection Wales titled 'Cadi'r Big' taken by the prolific photographer John Tomas c. 1875, near Y Ro-wen:
Which is very interesting as Cadi'r Big has dried flowers and ribbons attached to their clothes, much like in the description in Cwm Eithin. This is very likely a picture of a "Cadi" from a Dawnsio Haf.
Page 4- Y Ddraig Binc Issue 4 (1994):
Y Ddraig Binc was a Welsh-language Queer magazine published by CYLCH, a gay and lesbian rights organisation based in Aberystwyth. The term Cadi-ffan is included in an article about the commercialisation of Queer identity in the magazine's fourth edition.
"...Nawr te, medd wrtho’i hun, be’ gymera’ i’r mis hwn, copi o GQ ynte Arena neu ydw i, efallai, yn teimlo’n ddigon ifanc a trendi am Sky? Ond aros funud, beth yw hyn? Dau gylchgrawn steil newydd a gwynt digamsyniol cadi-ffan arnyn nhw?
Ydy, mae’r hyn a oedd y tu hwnt i ddychymyg wedi digwydd.
Mae grymoedd y farchnad rydd a chystadleuaeth wedi cyrraedd y byd
cyhoeddi hoyw - rhaid bod Lêdi T wrth ei bodd. Nawr fe gaiff llanc hoyw ddewis o ddeunydd darllen sgleiniog, llawn erthyglau a hysbysebion yn arbennig ar ei gyfer ef a’i rywioldeb. Hwrê! Fedr hynny ddim bod yn beth drwg. Neu a fedr o?..."
[emphasis mine]
This humorous article (dealing with an important topic, mind) pokes fun at the arrival of Queer commercialisation. The article opens by explaining that there's a ruckus in the gay world (and not two old queens getting into fisticuffs)- but that this ruckus is taking place at WHSmith (UK stationery shop and newsagents)- apparent winner of this year's most vulgar uniform award. The author goes on to describe a hypothetical situation in which a gay man walks into a WHSmith to buy a magazine. He wonders whether to get a copy of GQ or Arena (men's style magazines- remember this was published in Section 28 Era so explicitly gay magazines were not common) or is he trendy enough to read Sky? (film and tv magazine). But wait- what's this? Two new style magazines with a whiff of Cadi-ffan about them? The author explains that yes, the unimaginable has happened. The forces of the free market and competition have reached the world of gay publishing.
Now a gay youth has the choice of glossy reading material, full of articles and advertisements especially for him and his sexuality. Hooray! That can't be a bad thing. Or can it? Writes the author. The article is very witty and I recommend a read (find a pdf copy here). But the usage of Cadi-ffan here is very much in a reclaimed sense. Though it must be noted that the story is told through a stereotypical cis gay lens.
Conclusions:
As I said at the start of this post, you are free to claim or not claim Cadi as you wish. However, as awareness of Welsh LGBTQIA+ terminology increases, I wanted to raise important questions and start a conversation about the words we have, what we want them to be and how they have been used against us. I hope in any case that this post has been interesting to you. If it has, please reblog this or add any comments/thoughts in the notes, tags or in my asks.
Beth yw eich barn chi? I'd love to hear other's thoughts on this and start a conversation about it! Diolch am ddarllen
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Hi :) I have a Larissa x reader request, feel no pressure to do this if u don’t want to and ofc u can mix it up and stuff <3
I’ve had this song from mean girls stuck in my head all week and I was wondering if you could perhaps write a young!larissa x young!reader fic based on this song? For example, Larissa wanted readers attention so she changed herself to be more like the popular girlies (perhaps morticia?) or asked reader to tutor her in a subject to spend more time w/ them only to find out that reader preferred her before she changed herself.
The song ends in angst but the fic could be however you like ofc. Anyways I just love the idea of Larissa being like cady from mean girls, tish being like Regina and reader being like Aaron.
If u do end up doing this- thank u sm 🥹 and if u don’t wanna, don’t worry :) I love ur work and I’m happy to read anything u write 💘
a/n: thank you again for the request! i really really hope this did it justice because damn, was i excited to write this! even though the song ends on an angsty note, this fic will have a happy ending <3
young!Larissa Weems x young!fem!reader
{other pairings: references to (young!)Morticia Frump x reader, Morticia x Gomez}
words: ~6.1k (oops)
warnings/content: slight angst with a fluffy ending, Larissa is adorably shy, Morticia is possessive as shit, sapphic yearning
You Don’t Have to Pretend With Me
A light breeze passed through the quad - the last days of summer were slowly waning, giving way to cooler autumn weather. The colder air raised the hairs on your arm and you felt Morticia’s arm slink loosely around your waist, her warm palm coming to rest on your forearm and gently stroking the skin there.
“Are you cold? Gomez, give her your jacket,” she snapped her fingers at the boy, who immediately began to shrug off his blazer at the command.
“Tish, I’m fine,” you soothed, leaning into her touch, your eyes darting subconsciously over to her roommate, Larissa. Her eyes bore holes into the stone surface of the table as she twisted her fingers in her lap. You shifted in Morticia’s grip and gently kicked at Larissa’s shins under the table, causing her to jump in surprise. A smirk graced your lips at the blush that crept up her cheeks - you’d noticed more often lately that the taller blonde was rather shy around you, and you couldn’t help but tease her a bit. You loved how easily you were able to fluster her, adored the pinkish hue that would overtake her face, a bit like your own personal sunset.
“Earth to Larissa. Are you with us?”
“Sorry, I must’ve zoned out for a moment,” she mumbled, smiling in such a dorky way that had you struggling to suppress your swooning.
“Morticia and I are going shopping on Sunday, you wanna come?” Larissa’s eyes lit up and she nodded, soft blonde curls bouncing on her shoulders.
You felt the arm around your waist tighten possessively and bit your lip. Your relationship with Morticia was, in a word, complicated. You��d been dating on and off for around a year now, though most of that time was admittedly off. You’d most recently decided you were better off as good friends, but sometimes Morticia’s flirtatious and rather possessive side still came out to play.
But Larissa, she was different… where Morticia was a little overwhelming, always in your personal space, Larissa was reserved, held back. Where Morticia loved to show off, Larissa expressed her pride quietly. Larissa was always so soft and reassuring, showing you so much compassion and empathy whenever you’d confided in each other. She was intelligent and quick-witted and knew how to use it to her advantage. And god, she was breathtakingly beautiful…
The bell rang, signaling the end of your lunch break. Thanking the heavens that you had a free period, you sighed and leaned into Morticia’s casual embrace to shield yourself from another cold breeze, waving goodbye to Larissa and Gomez as they headed off to their next class together.
—
As soon as he was sure he was out of earshot of you and Morticia, Gomez stopped dead in his tracks, nearly causing Larissa to stumble over his much shorter figure.
“Gomez, what are you-”
“Larissa, you like her, yes?”
“Who are you-” Larissa’s eyes went wide, then her face flushed as she realized to whom Gomez was referring. Of course he’d caught on - the boy was no fool when it came to romance, and he’d caught her staring at you when she thought you weren’t looking more than once.
“Yes,” she relented with a huff and an eye roll. “But it doesn’t matter, it’s not like I compare to Morticia anyway.” There was a hint of sadness in her voice, her blue eyes wavered a bit and she cast them to the floor. She was not going to cry, not in front of Gomez.
“Larissa, how could she not love you?!” Gomez lifted Larissa’s chin to hold her gaze and she rolled her eyes at the boy.
“What do you want?” She narrowed her eyes at him, critically searching his face for any signs of mischief - he’d never been this kind to her, she suspected he mostly hung out with you guys to get closer to Morticia.
Gomez let out a long sigh. “It’s obvious you have eyes for Y/N. And I’ve been trying to court Tish for a while now. Both can’t happen if they’re still all over each other. And I’d like to ask Tish to the Rave’n this year.”
“Okay… what does this have to do with me?”
“You have to distract Y/N.”
Larissa snorted. “So that you can make a move on Morticia. Right. And how do you suppose I do that, Gomez? Morticia’s all over her.”
“She’s very good at botany. She could tutor you. You get close, spend some time together, just the two of you. Give me time to woo Morticia.”
“But I don’t need a tutor, I’m the best in our class…”
“You don’t have to need one,” Gomez rolled his eyes. “Just pretend to need one.”
Larissa chewed her bottom lip as she considered his proposal. Just then, your melodic laughter floated from the quad and caught her attention. She looked over his shoulder just in time to see Morticia pull you onto her lap and tuck your hair behind your ear. Her stomach dropped, a familiar twinge of jealousy burning bright in her chest, licking at her ribcage like an untamed flame.
“Fine,” she snapped. “I’ll do it. This better be worth it.”
—
“Tish,” you cried out between giggles as the dark-haired girl pulled you onto her lap and brushed your hair off your face, tucking it behind your ear.
“Yes, mon cher?” She raised her eyebrows and grinned down at you, causing you to blush deeply and look away. Your eyes met Larissa’s across the quad. She seemed upset somehow, and you offered her a sheepish smile. Even with a frown on those pouty red lips, you thought she was the most beautiful girl at Nevermore, and your stomach did a backflip imagining it was Larissa pulling you into her lap, not Morticia. Maybe if you could somehow get her alone, if she weren’t so damn shy around you…
~~~
Sunday rolled around and that meant it was finally time to go shopping with Morticia and Larissa. Once you were ready, you burst into the girl’s shared dorm room, a wide grin spread on your face.
“Mooorning, ladies, are we ready?” You sing-songed, plopping down on Morticia’s bed and watching as she sauntered over to give you a hug.
“Nearly,” she said. “If that one finishes her makeup soon.” She jerked her thumb at Larissa who sat at her vanity in the corner, applying her lipstick. Larissa paused mid-stroke, looking mildly annoyed, and furrowed her brows.
“Take your time,” you cooed from across the room, before an argument could ensue. “You’ll look gorgeous.”
Larissa’s cheeks reddened, she quickly averted her gaze and focused on her reflection in the mirror, a slight tremor overcoming her hands. Morticia sighed dramatically and sat down next to you on the bed, handing you her brush in a silent command to brush her hair, which you happily took over for her, while keeping an eye on the blonde from the corner of your eye.
Ten minutes later you were out the door, following the roommates down the winding staircase of Ophelia Hall, trying to keep yourself from staring at Larissa. She looked stunning today, her long, silvery blonde hair pulled away from her face, curled into an elegant ponytail. Whenever she pulled back her hair, it emphasized her smooth, porcelain cheekbones and arched brows, drawing attention to the sapphire pools of her eyes… And then there was the matter of her style, so different from Morticia’s and even your own. A high-cut white turtleneck, with a long gold skirt and a matching coat. Oh shit, now you were staring. You coughed and covered your face to hide your blush and followed your friends outside.
The taxi ride to Burlington was a bit tense, as the cab driver was suspicious of outcasts, and Morticia’s goth aesthetic coupled with Larissa’s impressive height never failed to make them stick out. The three of you breathed a collective sigh of relief as you were all but dumped outside the mall entrance.
Morticia set the pace for the day, as she usually did, dragging the two of you in and out of various shops until she found something worth trying on, which was how you found yourself sitting on a chair in a dressing room, waiting for Morticia to try on outfit after outfit. For each dress, she gave you quite the show, twirling around and showing off, tossing you a wink and blowing kisses in your direction. You humored her, giving her the “oohs” and “ahhs” she so desperately desired, telling her which dresses were “simply made for you!”
Little did you know, Larissa was watching from the sidelines, absolutely seething. Seeing how you responded to Morticia, to the dark, provocative things Morticia tried on… so completely the opposite of the conservative, drab things she herself normally wore. If she was going to get your attention, she was going to have to step up her game.
“Larissa, did you find anything?” You asked her softly, noticing that the blonde was lost in her own thoughts.
“I did, in fact,” she answered rather smugly, brushing past you towards a changing room and all but slamming the door behind her.
Minutes later, the door to Larissa’s changing room opened. She emerged and your breath caught in your throat.
“Rissa?” She looked… different, that was for sure. The sleeveless black gown was a stark contrast to her alabaster skin, you racked your brain but you weren’t sure you’d ever seen her wear all black before. It clung to her curves like a second skin, leaving little to the imagination, bringing a flush to your cheeks. Her breasts all but spilled out the top - you were sure you’d heard her complain before about Morticia wearing similar low-cut pieces.
“Do you like it?” She was breathless and looked very eager, a shy smile plastered on her face, cheeks dusted pink, and you thought it was the cutest smile you’d ever seen - you couldn’t possibly tell her you thought it was a bit… out of place on her. Maybe she wanted to branch out a bit? And you had to admit you didn’t really mind the extra bit of skin showing. You bit your lip and nodded, relishing in the grin that spread across her face at your approval.
“God, I’m exhausted after all that shopping,” you giggled a short while later, as the three of you stood in line at the food court. “I can’t wait to sit down and eat.”
“Rest your head on my shoulder, mon cher, it’s the perfect height,” Morticia cooed, drawing you into her and allowing you to rest against her. You hummed absentmindedly and Larissa’s shoulders stiffened from where she towered over the two of you. You eyed her with interest, wondering why she was suddenly so tense, but you didn’t have time to linger on the thought as Morticia pushed you up to the counter to order lunch for the three of you.
~~~
You were always the first to arrive to botany class, and as such you saved your friends' seats around you. Soon after, Morticia arrived, Gomez trailing behind her like a lost puppy. She slid into the empty chair next to you and Gomez took a seat at the table behind you.
“Where’s Larissa?” You craned your neck towards the door, wondering if you’d somehow missed her.
Morticia let out a groan and pinched the bridge of her nose. “She’s having some sort of identity crisis. She’s coming.” She sounded annoyed, and just as you were about to ask her what exactly she meant by “identity crisis”, Larissa walked into the classroom.
It quickly became apparent what Morticia had meant. The girl had traded her signature cherry-red lipstick for something darker, a plum color similar to what Morticia generally opted for, and even her eye makeup was considerably darker than usual. She also seemed… shorter somehow? You couldn’t quite place it, but she didn’t seem to tower over everyone quite as much as she usually did. She took her place behind you, next to Gomez, and you turned around, worry marring your features.
“Larissa, are you okay?”
“Why wouldn’t I be okay?” Her eyes widened imperceptibly, brows knitting together as she offered you an unnerving grin.
“It’s just… yeah. Nevermind. You look good,” you offered weakly, smiling and turning back around as your botany teacher, Ms. Morrison, was starting the lesson.
“Miss Weems, we’re looking at Triphyophyllum peltatum today. Could you be so kind as to tell the class which family this plant belongs to?”
“Umm… is it Droseraceae?”
Ms. Morrison’s brow creased. “Unfortunately, Miss Weems, that is incorrect. I expected better from you.”
You stole a glance at Larissa, who gazed sheepishly down at her desk. It went like this a few more times, Larissa answering questions incorrectly and Ms. Morrison becoming increasingly more annoyed.
When the bell rang, you felt a hand on your shoulder. Looking up, it belonged to Larissa. She was definitely closer to your height now. Weird. You were brought out of your daze at her next words.
“You’re good at botany, right?” She fiddled nervously with the hem of her blazer.
“I mean, I think I’m pretty decent, yeah.”
“Well… clearly I’m pretty shit at it. There’s no way I’m passing the midterm like this. Do you think you could tutor me this semester?”
You were taken aback by the request - you’d always thought Larissa was intelligent, way smarter than you were, she was top of nearly every class. You’d never dreamed of having to tutor her in anything. But judging by today’s lesson she really was struggling, and you would never pass up the opportunity to finally get to spend some one on one time with her - away from Morticia’s prying eyes, no less.
“Of course, Larissa. I would love to. How about you come to my room after dinner, my roommate won’t be there and it’ll be quiet,” you grinned at the flush this brought to Larissa’s face. She agreed and you parted ways, spending the rest of your day with your head in the clouds, daydreaming about your study date with Larissa.
~~~
After dinner you all but ran up to your dorm room. This would be the first time you’d spent time alone with Larissa and even though you knew it was only a study date, you wanted to impress her anyway. You freshened up your makeup and decided to throw on your favorite forest green cardigan, just as you heard a knock on your door.
With a deep breath, you opened the door. Larissa stood before you, her makeup still, well, extremely overdone. She wore a short skirt paired with a black, lacy blouse that had nearly all the buttons undone, drawing attention to her cleavage and the scarlet bra she wore underneath. You gulped and drew your attention back to her face, stepping back a bit to allow Larissa to step into your room and (hopefully) giving you time to cool the blush on your cheeks.
“Make yourself comfortable. Do you want something to drink? Tabitha convinced Ms. Morrison to let us get a mini fridge in here and we just stocked it up last weekend. Or I could make you tea or something?”
“Tea would be lovely,” Larissa smiled shyly, sitting gingerly at the edge of your bed and playing with the hem of her skirt.
You plugged in your electric kettle and waited for the water to boil, a comfortable silence falling over the dorm room as you prepared two mugs. The tea bags were on a shelf next to your desk, just out of your reach, and you grunted as you pushed yourself onto your toes, stretching out to grasp for the box.
“Rissa,” you complained loudly, turning towards her and giving her your best pitiful pout. “I’m too short. Can you reach the tea bags for me?”
Larissa made to stand up, then hesitated a moment, hovering over the edge of the bed. “Umm… I don’t know. I… yeah I’ll see…” she stepped over to the shelf, reaching towards the box but her arm wasn’t quite long enough. “Sorry… I can just climb on the desk though, it’s fine.” She seemed frustrated with herself as she clambered up in order to reach the shelf and pull down the box of tea bags for you.
You took the box from her, eyeing her as she slipped back down and stood there awkwardly as if waiting to be dismissed.
“Did you shapeshift?” you asked quietly, watching Larissa out of the corner of your eye as you poured the boiling water into the mugs. Larissa nodded, folding her arms across her chest and seemingly caving in on herself, eyes trained on the water kettle in your hand.
You nodded back, not wanting to make her more uncomfortable, and handed her one of the mugs, a white mug with a rainbow unicorn.
“Soooo… Larissa Weems is bad at botany?” you teased, pinching her side and moving to sit on your bed, curling your legs under you and patting the empty spot at your side.
Larissa looked like she was about to argue, then thought better of it and swallowed thickly, coming to sit beside you.
“Y-yes, well I took a look at the homework that’s due next week and I don’t understand any of it, I’m afraid.”
“Then let’s start there,” you gave her a reassuring smile and grabbed your textbook from where you’d tossed it at the foot of the bed earlier, scooting closer to her until your thighs pressed together and you could feel her warm breath on your cheek.
As the evening wore on, you’d gotten a fair bit of studying done, but the botany textbook was soon discarded on the floor of your dorm room. The two of you were laying on your backs, giggling about something that had happened in class the other day, when you decided you were going to be brave.
You reached out until you felt Larissa’s hand, warm against your own. You threaded your fingers between hers, lifting her hand up and tracing the faint lines on her palm with the pad of your thumb. You could hear her breath hitch next to you, which only spurred you on.
“Larissa?” You turned your head to face her, waiting until your gazes locked, and for a moment the air around you stilled, your stomach turning pleasantly.
“Yeah?” There was a beat of silence, the only sound was the rustling of some leaves outside the window. Larissa’s eyes were wide, her lips parted slightly, warm breath coming out in ragged puffs.
The door to your room slammed open as your roommate stepped over the threshold and tossed her bag unceremoniously at the foot of her bed. You groaned, slamming your eyes shut and giving Larissa’s hand an apologetic squeeze.
“Y/N, what are you - oh, shit, I’m sorry!” Tabitha’s eyes widened as her gaze fell to your hand, fingers still intertwined with Larissa’s. “I thought you’d be done by now, it’s nearly 2 am.”
“It’s fine,” you pushed yourself up on your elbows and gave Tabitha a meek smile. “I didn’t realize it was that late.”
Tabitha offered you a salacious smirk as she crossed over to bed and plopped down, crossing her legs. “So what have you two lovebirds been up to?”
“Tabitha!” You tossed your pillow at her head and she let out a hearty chuckle, catching it and grinning at you, but saying no more.
Larissa was frozen in place next to you, cheeks rosy, twirling a lock of hair between her fingers.
“Can I walk you back to your room?” You slid to the edge of your bed and offered her your hand, praying you weren’t overstepping, grateful when she beamed up at you and took said hand.
Throwing a glare back at Tabitha (who had the decency to at least pretend to look ashamed), you guided Larissa up the two flights of stairs to her dorm room, apologizing profusely for your roommates utter lack of manners.
“It’s fine,” Larissa giggled, her hand warm and so very soft in your own. “She seems funny, and like she cares about you.”
“Yeah, she’s alright I guess,” you rolled your eyes playfully, having arrived at the door to Larissa’s room. “So, umm… I was thinking maybe we could meet at the Weathervane after class on Thursday? You know, to study… or whatever.”
“Or whatever?” Larissa’s smile unnerved you and your gaze dropped to the ground, you suddenly felt a bit lame for even suggesting it. Would she even want to go with you? Didn’t she have better things to do? “I can’t wait.”
You looked up, meeting sapphire eyes that danced with excitement. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
~~~
You stood in line at the Weathervane, humming quietly to yourself as you waited for the barista to take the order of the businessman in front of you. A pair of gloved hands came to rest over your eyes, causing you to yelp and jump out of your skin.
“Guess who?” The smooth, English accent of the low voice in your ear gave her away in an instant.
“Riss,” you grinned, pulling at her wrists. “Don’t scare me like that!”
“Sorry, it was too tempting!” Larissa pulled you into a one-armed hug, which you gladly reciprocated, enjoying the closeness to the object of your affections.
“What can I get for you?” The barista - Kevin, if his name tag was anything to go by - eyed the two of you warily. It was no secret the disdain that the normies held for outcasts, and even though you were used to it in your daily interactions here in Jericho, it still stung a bit.
“I’ll have a cappuccino. Larissa?”
“Could I get a hot chocolate please?”
Kevin nodded, ringing up your order. “That’ll be $6.00 even.”
“Allow me,” you swatted away Larissa’s hands as she reached for her purse and proceeded to pay for the order, then ushered her towards a booth at the back of the café.
“Thanks for paying, you didn’t have to,” Larissa’s voice was quiet, as if she hoped you wouldn’t hear her, and you reached out to hold her hand across the table.
“I wanted to,” your thumb stroked the back of her hand and she ducked her head, looking up at you through mascara-coated eyelashes. Your heart began to thump erratically in your chest and you considered closing the distance between the two of you as a shadow appeared next to the table. Kevin cleared his throat, awkwardly placing your mugs down in front of you and shuffling away.
You sat back with a huff, groaning internally at another moment lost to some external intrusion. Even when Morticia wasn’t there, the world seemed hell-bent on ruining every intimate moment you had with Larissa.
The girl in question took a sip of her hot chocolate, setting the mug down between the two of you and pushing it across the table.
“You have to try it, it’s the best I’ve ever had!”
Your gaze flicked down to the mug, eyes drawn to the lipstick mark at the rim. It was the exact shade of plum that Morticia always wore, you noted. You picked up the mug, gingerly, as if it would shatter in your hands. For a brief moment, you wondered if you should drink from that exact spot. Be daring, you told yourself. Your pulse skyrocketed at the thought. How would Larissa react? You locked eyes with the blonde, who watched you eagerly.
You chickened out, placing your lips on the opposite side of the rim and taking a sip.
“Mm, yeah, it’s really good!” Larissa grinned smugly, clearly proud that she’d been right to make a good recommendation.
You pulled out your botany textbook, deciding you might as well do what you’d come here for and at least help the struggling girl a little bit. She was a quick learner, which was good, considering you were finding it harder and harder to focus with her leaning across the table - her breath ghosting over your face, her perfume clouding your senses, her cleavage on full display.
Your mugs were long empty and the evening crowd was slowly clearing out of the café. The sky outside the window was casting hues of orange and pink on the table, on Larissa’s porcelain skin and silver hair. She looked ethereal in this light, her eyes glistening, leaving you entranced. Kevin was starting to sweep the floors, his gaze flitting in your direction every so often - probably a sign you should be getting up to leave soon.
“I think he wants us to leave,” you sucked your bottom lip between your teeth and eyed Kevin as he moved to clean the espresso machine, his eyes wandering again over to your booth. You were the only two customers left.
“I don’t want today to be over,” Larissa admitted with a sigh, pulling your attention back to the striking blonde.
“I don’t either…” It was now or never. “Larissa… do you think maybe you’d want to go on a date with me?” You held your breath as you waited for a reply.
“Like… a real date?” Larissa’s eyes shone with wonder, her tone was hushed, as if she was afraid you’d take it back.
“Yeah, no studying or anything like that. A real date.”
Larissa beamed. “I would love to.”
You let out a shaky breath. “Perfect. Maybe we should get out of here now though, before Kevin over there bans us from the Weathervane permanently or something. I would hate for you to have to miss out on your hot chocolate.”
Your teasing earned you a hearty laugh and Larissa took your hand as the two of you darted from the café.
~~~
Larissa took your breath away from where she stood at the center of the quad. Her hair hung long and pin-straight down her back, her plump lips were painted a shade of deep purple, her sapphire eyes dark and sultry. Today she’d opted to wear the black gown she’d tried on when you’d gone shopping with Morticia, and you needed a moment to tamp down your blush before making your presence known to her.
“Hi,” she replied breathlessly.
“You ready?” She nodded and you led her out of the school and down the winding path to the lake. Butterflies erupted in your belly as the back of your hand brushed against Larissa’s, and your heart constricted in the most pleasant way as Larissa took your hand in her own.
You walked in companionable silence until you reached the docks. Once there, you tossed down your bag and sat at the edge of the dock, pulling at Larissa’s hand and urging her to sit next to you.
“Thanks again for tutoring me,” Larissa said softly.
“Of course,” you scooted closer to her, hearing her breath hitch as your thighs met. “I get to spend more time with you this way. And I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I think you’re really beautiful.”
Larissa’s gaze met yours, hope swirling in those sapphire pools. “You do?” Her voice was barely above a whisper.
“I do,” you confirmed, bravely tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear, feeling her shiver beneath your touch.
“Sorry, it’s a bit chilly,” Larissa giggled, and you took the opportunity to pull her into you, rubbing your palms gently over her bare arms.
“I mean, yeah, you’re barely wearing anything,” you retorted, burying your face in her neck, dangerously close to her cleavage, breathing in her intoxicating scent. It completely overwhelmed you, made you dizzy with desire, and you had to place a hand on Larissa’s thigh to steady yourself.
“I mean, apparently it worked,” she leaned back slightly to wink at you, causing your heart to flutter. “Like pretending I needed a tutor.”
“Wait… what? Pretending?” What did she mean pretending?
“Yeah…” Larissa twisted her fingers in her lap. “I-I pretended to be bad at botany to get you to talk to me.”
You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. You’d never thought Larissa would lie to you like that. Morticia had manipulated you during your relationship, you knew that much, you were even used to it, but Larissa? You thought she was different.
“Why didn’t you just talk to me?”
“Because of Morticia. Because you were her property.”
“Her property?” That had you seething. You were no one’s property.
“No, shut up, not property-” Larissa’s eyes were wide with panic now, she tried to lay a gentle hand on your arm but you pulled away as if you’d been burned, sitting back on your heels.
“No, don’t tell me to shut up! You are like a clone of Morticia!”
Larissa’s dark lips fell into a pout, her chin began to wobble. “No, wait - I mean, I just thought you liked that… you like her!”
“I liked you more. The old you. Not whatever this is.” You waved a dismissive hand over Larissa’s form, causing her to shrink back and cross her arms over her chest. You almost felt bad at how insecure she looked, but you were too angry to care.
“Is that why you’re wearing all this? Is that what the makeup is? Because you think I want you to look like Morticia?” you spat out. You’d spent the last year with Morticia, you didn’t want to spend another year with her clone. You’d really liked Larissa the way she was.
Larissa flinched at your tone, at the pure venom dripping from every word. “Morticia looks really good,” she shrugged, eyes downcast, twisting her hair between her fingers as her eyes began to water.
“I don’t care what Morticia looks like. That’s just her style. I liked your style. I liked how you looked.” You stood up, slinging your bag over your shoulder and turning on your heel, before chancing a final glance at the blonde.
“And you know what?” Larissa looked up, watery eyes meeting yours, pale tear tracks streaking her cheeks. “You didn’t need to shapeshift to impress me.” Larissa bit her lip as you stormed off back towards your dorm, not stopping until you were facedown in your bed. You were eternally grateful that Tabitha had chosen that evening to spend the night with her boyfriend (“just in case you and Larissa need some alone time”, she’d said with a wink, you recalled bitterly).
The tears flowed freely then and you allowed yourself to cry into your pillow. You couldn’t believe Larissa had betrayed you like that, that you’d fallen for something so stupid. Of course she was good at botany. She was good at everything - she didn’t need you. And did she really think you were so vain, so shallow, that you only wanted Morticia, that you only wanted Morticia for her aesthetic and her body?
That night, you cried yourself to sleep, wondering how you’d ever face Larissa again. Wondering if she really thought so little of you. Wondering if the Larissa you’d fallen for was gone for good. If she’d want you anymore. If you even wanted her anymore. Your stomach clenched and and your heart ached as sobs racked your body, only stopping when the first rays of morning sunlight began to filter in through your curtains and exhaustion finally overtook your body and threw you into a fitful slumber.
~~~
You’d successfully managed to avoid Larissa for a few days after that, but eventually you had to go to botany class. You were nearly late, and annoyed to find that Morticia hadn’t saved you a seat. Your usual seat was occupied by Gomez, who was doting on your ex-girlfriend - and she was soaking up every bit of attention she was getting. Good for her, she deserves it, you thought, at least she’ll leave me alone for a few days.
The bad news was that this meant you were stuck next to Larissa. She gave you a meek smile as you slid into the seat next to her, which you returned half-heartedly. You were happy to see that at least her face was devoid of makeup, save for some mascara and her signature red lipstick, and that her hair was curled again and pulled back into some fancy updo.
“Can anyone tell me which plant we’re dealing with here today?” Ms. Morrison asked.
Larissa raised her hand and Ms. Morrison gave her a curt nod.
“Atropa belladonna - deadly nightshade.”
“Hm. Thank you, Miss Weems. Good to have you back.”
Larissa continued to impress, even correcting your answer at one point as you worked on a group assignment, to which you only responded with a raised eyebrow. Larissa bowed her head and lowered her gaze to her own paper, chewing at her lip to keep from saying anything else.
The rest of the week was rather lonely. Morticia was distracted, having apparently been thoroughly romanced by Gomez. They seemed to spend every free period making out in some corner of the quad, Morticia straddling Gomez’s lap and giving the students of Nevermore Academy quite the show.
More than anything you wanted to talk to Larissa, but you didn’t know how. It was like every time you were in the same room, your mouth went dry. You were still wary after having been lied to - sure it had come from a good place, she’d wanted to impress you. But by pretending to be a ditzy airhead version of Morticia? Did she really think you were that stupid?
Divine intervention took over and the decision to talk to Larissa was taken off your hands when you were sitting in the quad, reading, knees tucked under your chin, as a shadow appeared behind you.
“Hey.” Your heart clenched as you realized how much you’d missed that soft voice.
“Larissa,” you looked up at the taller girl - she was definitely back to her normal height, as she now towered over you again.
“May I sit?” She crossed her arms defensively over her chest as she waited for a response.
“Of course,” you scooted over to give her more space. She left a few inches between the two of you, and seemed rather stiff.
“Those two won’t leave each other alone, I can barely go back to my room. They’re just so damn loud all the time.” There was a hint of annoyance in Larissa’s tone and you followed her gaze towards Morticia and Gomez, who were enjoying each other’s company on the other side of the quad.
You snorted, closing your book and watching the pair with amusement. “You could always come to my room,” you offered, somewhat unsure about your proposal but knowing that, despite everything, you’d love to spend more time with her.
You heard a sharp intake of breath and turned to watch Larissa’s face carefully - she seemed to be grappling with something.
“I wanted to apologize for the way I acted,” Larissa began timidly, “I made an assumption and it appears I was wrong. I thought you would like me more if I changed myself. I didn’t think I was interesting enough to compete with Morticia, because I’ve always been second best to her. I didn’t think this would be any different.”
“Well I don’t think you’re second best at all… not to me anyway,” you took Larissa’s hand in yours and laced your fingers together. “I fell for you long before you decided to become some sort of weird Morticia clone.” It had slipped out before you knew what you were saying, and a heat rose in your cheeks, all the way to the tips of your ears.
“You fell for me, huh?” Larissa’s cheeks looked just as pink as yours felt.
“Maybe,” you whispered, giving her hand a gentle squeeze.
“Then maybe you wouldn’t mind going to the Rave’n with me?” Larissa met your gaze, cocking her head to the side in question.
“Yes! I mean no, no I wouldn’t mind!” You blurted out, internally scolding yourself for seeming so eager. Larissa let out the breath she was holding.
“Be sure to ditch that ghastly makeup though. It may suit Morticia but I much prefer your lipstick.” You winked and Larissa’s lips twitched up into a hesitant smile.
Larissa leaned in, placing a chaste kiss at the corner of your mouth, leaving behind a light stain of red lipstick and causing your heart to flutter pleasantly.
Suddenly, long arms enveloped you and dragged you onto her lap, drawing a loud squeak from your chest.
“Since when has the Larissa Weems gotten so bold?” you teased after regaining your composure.
Larissa sunk her teeth into her plush lower lip, clearly weighing her next words carefully. “Since I saw Morticia do that and decided I wanted to know what it was like.”
“And?” You were breathless, you were both breathless.
“I think I could get used to it.”
-
thank you to @afeatherformills for the beta, as well as my gf for swooping in with some last minute ideas to save my ass lmao.
tags for those who may be interested: @orchidsshine @sapphicsbeloved @scumppa @zephyr-is-tired
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