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firemblem-fics · 4 years

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Running With the Wolves [1]

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-> Yuri Leclarc x Fem!Reader

-> Modern!Au | Gang!Au | Enemies to Lovers

-> Word Count: ~3.3k

-> Warnings: Violence, Blood, Cursing, Weapons

-> Summary: You were just a normal college student, trying to find her way in a new place. You didn’t mean to get caught up in the wrong crowd. You just wanted coffee, but now you’re running with the wolves.

-> A/N: SURPRISE I POSTED IT EARLY ! thanks to my lovely beta readers for helping me revise and edit this chapter to make it better! i’m still in a writing mental block but i think this is one step closer to getting out of it! so, please enjoy (again)! also, all characters are aged up (21+)! also y’all should reblog this so it gets out more 🥺

send me an ask if you’d like to be on the taglist!

"Fuck- She's losing too much blood, Boss, she's not gonna make it!"

"No, no. She's going to make it- I'll make sure of it. Stay alive!"

Your vision was dark and blurry- you couldn't quite see anything. You could only make out a few silhouettes hovering above you, each one rushing around and yelling frantically. You couldn't count how many were there. Your vision kept doubling and it was hard to discern one person from three. Focusing just caused things to get worse.

"Someone put pressure on the damn wound! She certainly won't make it if you all keep messing around."

It was only now that you noticed a sharp pain radiating from your chest, right below your ribs. You gasped loudly and coughed. It hurt worse than the throbbing that already coursed through your head. Your body burned.

Trying to look down, you saw a rag soaked in blood. Hands with bright nails pressed down on your wound to slow the flow, but it didn't seem to be helping. You started feeling dizzy and laid back again, clenching your eyes tight as nausea engulfed you.

"No, keep your eyes open, Y/N, dammit! Wake up!"

Slowly, the pain began fading, as did your view of the people above you and their voices. You could still barely hear the voice crying, sobbing out your name. Whoever they were, they were crushed.

"Wake up!"

Was that voice finally fading away too?

"Wake up!"

No- it was getting louder.

"Wake up!"

"Ellie, what the fuck do you want?" You groaned, rolling over on your bed.

Your roommate bounced on her knees, making your bed creak loudly. "What do you mean? It's like 10am, your class is at 11. Don’t talk to me with that tone of voice."

"Fuck me."

"Absolutely not, baby." Ellie smacked a pillow beside you and got up. "Get ready!" She went to her own room, leaving you to your own devices.

When you applied for an apartment roommate, Ellie was certainly not the one you were expecting. You would've preferred a chill, laid-back, person. Instead, Eleonora Yumizuru walked into your life (and apartment) and practically made herself at home. She didn't judge you from transferring so far away from your old home for your last year of college, claiming that "home roots don't mean shit when it comes to making it in the real world".

She had the right to say such a thing, having moved to Fodlan from another country in her youth. She was able to understand the occasional homesickness and help you cope as you adjusted to Fodlan life. She understood you like the back of her hand from the moment you met and you did the same for her.

Really, you had to let her move in. She’d probably have stayed even if you rejected her.

She was the complete opposite of what you were looking for- overconfident, stubborn, loud- but she grew on you and easily became your best friend. There was just something about the bubbly, blue-eyed, blonde-bobbed bitch that hooked you.

She had certainly hooked other people as well, but thank God her bedroom is on the other side of the apartment. Her social skills and magnetic personality worked for platonic friends and acquaintances as well. Ellie was constantly bringing over friends, allowing you to expand your own circle. She was heaven-sent for a newbie like you.

You sat up from your bed, yawning and stretching. Trudging to your bathroom, you rolled your eyes as the infamous Taylor Swift blared through Ellie's speakers, "Shake it Off" shaking the entire apartment. Nothing against T. Swift, but sometimes she was not the first thing you want to hear when you wake up. At least not at max volume. Ignoring the song switching to "You Belong With Me" -another banger from Swift herself, but really "Teardrops on My Guitar” was your favorite- you finished getting ready and lazed into Ellie's room.

"I've got class 'till late today." You sat on her bed. "Do you want me to pick up dinner? It’ll let me explore the area."

"Oh, please do. You need to get out more. But where?"

You shrugged. "There's really only like two good food places here. Golden Pizza and Blue Lion Buffet. Your choice."

Ellie thought for a moment. "I went to the buffet with my little friend Touma the other day... so pizza! I just can't choose a side in their little spat."

"Spat?" You tilted your head.

"Goodness, Y/N! I know you're a little new here, but you haven't even heard of the shit that goes on between those restaurant owners?"

Shaking your head, you stayed silent for her to continue.

"The owners of Blue Lion Buffet, Eagle's Freezery, and Golden Pizza are all huge rivals. I heard they were all close, but went their separate ways. All the owners' kids are our age, too. They go to Fodlan Uni, but I don't know who they are." She smiled. "I am an esteemed woman with an upcoming high status. Who would I be to take sides? I prefer to cater to them all."

You could only nod, hiding a smirk at Ellie’s infatuation of fame. A huge restaurant rivalry. How funny. "What about that little cafe on the corner? What's it called? Café des Loups?"

"They're pretty neutral, just some college dropouts trying to make some money. I think they’re gonna get involved eventually- every restaurant’s been dragged into their drama at least once."

You nodded, standing up and messing with your apartment keys. "I'll keep that in mind. Bye, Ellie!"

"Bye! I better see some pizza later!" She called as you made your way out of the apartment, now playing "I Knew You Were Trouble".

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

College was honestly a scam.

You sat in the classes for two hours at a time, for what? You were paying thousands of dollars to be talked at by old dusty men who made you fall asleep faster than trying to read their overpriced textbooks. You paid thousands to nap at a desk.

Unfortunately for you, though, your thousand dollar desk nap was interrupted by a tapping on the surface. You huffed and looked up, coming face to face with a pair of soft, orange eyes. They radiated kindness and just looking into them seemed to lift your mood immediately.

"Hey, you need to wake up for this part. The professor said there's gonna be a quiz on this section tomorrow."

You shot up, looking back at your professor. Blushing embarrassedly, you smiled at the boy. "Thank you..."

"Ferdinand." He drew his bottom lip in between his teeth, as if to conceal his smile, before giving up and returning yours just as brightly.

As you faced forward to Professor Hanneman, as you were pretty sure his name was- or was it Ham Man? You didn’t care enough to know- you were now struggling with two distractions. One, the weight of your eyelids as they threatened to pull you back into dreamland. Two, Ferdinand.

You kept glancing at him, taking in his complexion. He must have come to class late, since you didn't see him before. Or maybe he was on time- you did fall asleep quite early into the lecture.

You were eyeing his carefully sculpted jawline, dotted with subtle stubble that connected to sideburns and led up to clean, silky, orange hair. You wished to run your fingers through it-

"Y/N, this is the second time I've seen you not paying attention." You jumped nearly three feet in the air. "Next time, I'll have to ask you to leave my class since you are obviously taking it as a joke."

"I-I'm not joking! Sorry!" You stuttered, finally finding a reason to keep your attention on the lecture. You did look away once, just to glare at Ferdinand, who only winked and chuckled at your misfortune.

Class was eventually over and you sighed, finally loosening up from forcing yourself to pay attention. You packed your notebook and laptop and swung your backpack on, getting ready to leave the room before a voice called to you.

You turned back. "Ferdinand?"

"I was simply wondering where your next class was. I can walk you to it, if you'd like." Said boy walked quickly towards you, holding himself with a nearly-perfect posture. You felt anxious- he was trying to make himself seem like a gentleman, but you still felt a little unnerved.

"Oh, um, sure! It's not for another fifteen minutes, but it is across campus."

Ferdinand's grin seemed to get larger, making his eyes crinkle at the edges. "How wonderful! That little café is down there and I've been meaning to check it out anyways. It works out perfectly."

"Uh, yeah." You laughed nervously. This was the first time a boy had taken interest in you- or was he really interested? Maybe he's just being nice-

"Also, before I forget. May I get your number? I'd like to talk to such a gorgeous woman like you a little more."

Oh, he was so interested. You had to make yourself breathe again as you handed him your phone to let him put his number in. He gave it back to you and you noticed a heart and a smiley face emoticon next to his contact name. Your heart fluttered at the sight of the emojis and you felt your cheeks heat up a bit. Ferdinand gave you a sweet smile before holding the door open for you, letting you lead the way to your next class.

On the way to the building, Ferdinand spent the time asking you questions and getting to know you better. He had scratched basically the entire surface of you, save for the secrets that new people shouldn't know, and the same could be said for you. Ferdinand was definitely a polished and refined man. He made quite the impression on you.

"What are you doing after classes?" You asked, hoping to invite him for pizza at your apartment.

"Ah, I've got work!" He smiled sheepishly. He definitely caught onto your hopes...

"Really? Where? Maybe after, you could stop by for some Golden Pizza-"

"Actually, I work at the Eagles Freezery." He was tense, suddenly. "So I really shouldn't. Rivalry and all of that, you know?"

You were a little confused, actually. "Why would that prevent you from hanging out for a bit? You didn't buy it, I did. Plus I thought the rivalry was only between the buffet and the pizza place?”

"It's- it's a loyalty thing. It’s between all three of us.”

"It's a restaurant. How loyal could you possibly be to a dumb little ice cream parlor-"

"It's more than that!" Ferdinand snapped his mouth closed, suddenly making himself quiet after his angry outburst. "Listen, I cannot and will not eat there, look at it, talk about it, or do literally anything about it. Please, just understand that."

"Uh, yeah." You nervously readjusted your backpack on your shoulder. "I- I should get to class now. I'll see you later, Ferdinand."

"Goodbye, I'll message you after work!" With that, he sent you a wink and a smile and turned, going about his own day with the most carefree pep in his step. As if nothing ever happened. You, on the other hand, could not have been more confused. Ferdinand seemed unpredictable when it came to his moods. He was comforting and kind, yet was so… upset when you insulted the parlor. It was a restaurant. Why did he get so worked up about it? Maybe Ellie was right about it being such a big deal.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

“I just ordered! Go, go, I’m starving!”

Not even five minutes after you got out of your last class, Ellie was calling to remind you about dinner. You were still slightly unnerved from your encounter with Ferdinand, but you agreed to pick it up and would never hear the end of it if you didn’t do something as simple as takeout.

Golden Pizza was only about two blocks away and you stayed on the phone with your roommate the entire time, only saying goodbye as you walked in the establishment. The restaurant was very nice, the honey yellow walls and the glow of the wood-fired oven making the ambience warm and welcoming. You didn’t wait long in the line, soon coming up to meet a boy about your age with a glimmering emerald gaze and a smile just as bright at the front counter.

“Hi!” The boy- Claude, according to his nametag- greeted, “How can I help you?”

“I’m just picking up an order for Eleonora Yumizuru.”

Claude nodded and typed a few things into a computer at the counter. “I know Ellie! She and I had Stats together before she dropped out to pursue her acting career. She’s certainly something.”

“Oh, definitely. I’m her roommate.” Speaking of the devil, your phone vibrated in your pocket. It was a message from her. “She actually just messaged me. Wants me to bring her a dumb little lemonade from that cafe.”

Claude laughed, “You can go and get it now, if you’d like. Your pizza will be a few more minutes. Ellie set the time for your pickup for later, so you’re actually ten minutes early.”

You thanked him and left, walking to the cafe. You took your time, observing the shops around you. Across the street from Golden Pizza stood the Blue Lion Buffet. You smiled to yourself- what a cliche to have rivals across from each other. Beside the pizza parlor was another food shop, the Eagles Freezery. You thought about Ferdinand- he said he was working today. Maybe you could drop by and- No. No, Y/N. Go get your lemonade and go.

A soft bell chimed as you opened the door. You saw four people in cafe uniforms, going about their day as you approached the register.

“Welcome to our humble abode!”

“Constance, that’s only used for a home.”

You shyly waved at the so-called Constance and the pink-haired girl who corrected her. Cafe des Loups- or Cafe of Wolves- was a quaint place, quiet and not crowded, kind of like an off-brand Starbucks. Dim lights adorned the high black ceiling, illuminating the shop just enough for a comforting ambience. There was a mural of a rainforest painted on the wall to the opposite of the counter with comfortable tables and lounging areas. If you could, you’d probably waste the day away lounging around. It was the perfect environment for an introvert like you.

At this shop, a large dark-haired man controlled the register instead of Claude. As you approached the register, you noticed that he wasn’t wearing a nametag, but you had a small urge to call him Bigfoot.

“Hey! What can I get ‘cha?”

You scoured the menu. “Just two pink lemonades is fine-”

“Oh! Good choice!” Constance interrupted you, coming to stand beside the man. “Yuri-bird over there makes the best sweet lemonades!”

You followed her gaze over to a man who was sitting on a stool, slouched down and leaning his head on his hand. He stretched and stood up. “Thank God, we haven’t had many customers all day. I was starting to think we lost our appeal.”

“Of course we have not!” Constance replied. She turned to you, but you couldn’t tell whether she was still talking to Yuri or you. Maybe it was neither. “Not when someone as handsome as Yuri is making the drinks and my attractive self is greeting the customers!”

“Hey! I’m just as much of a visual as the boss-man.” The taller man joined in after taking your money. “We’re all pretty nice looking. Especially this little lady ordering~”

You blushed a bit. “Oh, please, I’m nothing special-”

“Nothing special?” Constance laid her hand against her chest. “You’re wonderful! Almost on the same level as me. Isn’t that right, Yuri-birdie?”

Yuri looked up from making your drinks, his analytical eyes seemingly boring holes into you. You shuddered, feeling like he could tell your deepest and darkest secrets from just looking at you. He shrugged, going back to the lemonades.

“She’s alright, I suppose.”

“You suppose? Yuri, that’s rude-”

Hapi was midway through lecturing the purple-haired man when the door to the shop chimed open and a rather large group came in. Yuri looked up and suddenly stood alert, as did the other three workers. In the group, you saw a familiar head of orange hair and orange eyes met yours. Your face screwed up into confusion.

“Ferdinand?”

“Don’t say anything.” The leader of the group, a short, white-haired girl snarled. “Are you a new… worker here?”

“Wh- you just told me not to say anything.”

Slowly, Yuri and the other three came up beside you, standing slightly in front. Your heart nearly stopped- you were in the middle of something you definitely weren’t supposed to be in and your sass had gotten on their bad side already. The white-haired girl scrutinized the five of you, her lavender eyes piercing holes through whatever facade of confidence you had tried to put up. You could feel yourself literally wither under her gaze, even more than you did when Yuri looked at you.

“What do you want, Edelgard?” Yuri put his hands on his hip, one fiddling with something under his shirt.

“I want your loyalty.”

Yuri snorted. “You aren’t in charge.”

“I’m not? Hm. Tell that to my father after he stepped down. I’m the leader now- the emperor, if you will.” Edelgard sighed heavily. “I have no time for more conversation if you won’t comply. Hubert, deal with them.”

The terrifying man who you assumed was Hubert suddenly reached in his coat and pulled out a handgun, aiming it at the five of you. Yuri quickly retaliated and pulled one of his own, throwing it at Constance before grabbing your wrist and running to the back. A loud gunshot rang through the air as you and Yuri continued to run. You both dodged around coffee shop equipment and he dragged you through a labyrinth that they considered the back of the store.

As you were running, Yuri pulled you to a sharp right turn and your arm scraped against a metal machine in your way. You hissed in pain and looked down at it, seeing a large wound going down your shoulder to your elbow. It was starting to bleed rather quickly, but you had no time to worry about it. You’d have time to tend to it if you survived.

“What’s happening?”

“No time to explain. Quick, hide!”

Yuri pushed you against the wall in between two larger cabinets and stood in front, grabbing yet another gun from his other hip. He cocked it, listening for the ruckus of the fight in the main room to make its way towards your location. You were shaking like a leaf, grabbing tightly onto your wounded arm and smearing blood all over your fingers and your clothes. You breathed heavily, trying to calm yourself at least a little- was this why Ferdinand had been so defensive over the Eagles Freezery? What kind of restaurant rivalry would constitute attempted murder? And wasn’t this cafe uninvolved anyways? You didn't have time to ponder any more questions as a loud crash echoed through the room. Yuri lifted his gun and began to speak lowly, not taking his eyes off of the door.

“When I say run, go out the back door and get in the black car back there. Don’t go home- one of them will find you.”

A gunshot rang through the air and Constance, Balthus, and Hapi burst through the doors, running towards you all. Yuri turned to you as the three of them caught up to him, pulling out their own weapons again as Edelgard began yelling.

“Run!”

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taglist: @fairyblue-alchemist @emperor-pizza @flavoredmilktea @fe3h-random-writing-and-stuff @mifuyuyu @blviddyd @laurexlance @atomicchocolatecookie @mapesandoval @local-goth-lilz

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ketsuyuki-hibana-typed · 4 years

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I just take one request so I'll go with modern one!

Sabito x Reader (Domestic ModernAU) (Slight NSFW warning)

Being Sabito's childhood friend means knowing almost all of the behaviours and habits, and so does Sabito. And when he finally confess to you after both of you graduated from High School, you were so happy because you've been waiting for this moment.

Being in the same university made it more easier for him to reach you out. Sabito proposed you to live in his apartment until both of you graduated and you happily accepted it.

He called this, 'A simulation before the real one.'

"What real one?"

"Marrying you." He winked. Damn, that's smooth please shut up.

And now, you and Sabito were in 3rd year.

When Sabito woke up in the morning, he will just play with your hair until you wake up by yourself.

"Mm... Morning, Sabito. Playing with my hair again?"

"Hm."

"If you're awake, wake me up too, geez."

"I can stare at your stupid face for hours."

"Seriously, what is that for."

You raised your body from your bed and stretched out, planning what breakfast you should make. Both of his arms snatched your hips.

"I'll make breakfast, you should get ready first. Your project will start at 8 right?" Sabito mumbled.

"Um yeah." You yawned, caressing his messy hair. "Thank you."

Today, the role reversed. He's the one who wore apron while flipping eggs and you helped him with the tables and coffees after done with your clothings.

"Sabito, you make lunch too?" You peeked from his shoulder. "Uwah, the legendary bear-shaped onigiri rice."

"Yeah, after you finished on your project, let's eat them together."

You usually went to uni with him, but this time, you'll go first.

"Why are you wearing scarf?" He crossed his arms, standing in front of the door, while escorting you to outside.

"You dare to question why?" With embarrassing and mad face, you revealed some hickies on your crooks. "Whose fault is this?"

"My bad." He raised his hand while smugly smiling.

"Grr..." You grabbed both of his shoulder, tip-toed and planted kiss on his neck, leaving red marks. "Fufu, fair play."

"Ugh.."

"Bye Sabito!" After another quick peck landed on his lips, you finally headed out to your university. He covered his reddened face with his palm, swearing that he will revenge you.

Like usual, you ate lunch with Sabito and your other childhood friends, Giyuu and Makomo at the mini park.

"You know, (y/n). The other day, Sabito was sleeping in the class and he called your name!" Makomo giggled. "I got the video!"

"Whaaat, show me, show me!"

"Wait, Makomo!!"

Being university student means both of you don't really much time to meet, but you always made sure to pay Sabito a visit on his kendo club activity.

But Sabito didn't want you to sat near his kendo friends, because of constant eyeing from the boys and death-glaring from the girls.

Nah, it's just his natural jealousy. You didn't really mind about them anyway, you just wanted to see him training.

"Why can't I sit with them? I want to befriend with your manager too."

"No. Just no."

"....I'll go home then."

"Wait, no! I'll lost my morality!!"

"THEN WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?"

So, here you are, seeing his training at second floor. When your eyes met with his, you grinned and smiled while waving your hand.

"Fight, Sabito!"

Then he waved back, making peace sign. That some sort of morale make him more brutal while swishing his wooden sword towards his team.

Sabito probably looked soft and all but he's really become fierce when it comes to other people. But apparently, this didn't apply to you.

He wanted to make sure that you got enough attention from him, even though both of you were busy.

So, dating-days is all of your choices. You're the one who decided where do you want to go.

He likes to take your picture from behind on dates and send it on InstaStory

"With (y/n), lol she's smol." "Bby would deadass fall into that water fountain." "Love it when she said 'Chimkin nugget'"

And please do not question about how he made long ass threads on his pinned Twitter, all contained about you and your photos.

You also have your own habit, like slipping your hand inside his hoodies' pocket, ran with your hand pulling his shirt while showing him something interesting, accidentally stepping on his back shoes.

Sabito literally loses his mind when he can't find your figure behind him while both of you walking, but he stayed cool and started looking for you. This is just your another behaviour when dating, but still, gave him heart attack.

Until he saw hands of yours waving on the air, the method he taught to you in case you lose him.

"Again?!"

"Sorry, I got distracted by the student disc- awawawawa." He pinched your cheek. You grabbed his hand while whining in protest.

"Tell me if you wanted to go somewhere, stupid!"

Dates will be always ended with shopping for 1 week-stocks

Sabito never let you bring a single groceries bag and often snatched it from you even though you said you wanted to carry half of them.

"What kind of man who let girl bringing these much?"

Both of you knew how to handling with eachother's moods.

One day, you slammed the door after a shitty day.

"He-"

You just ignored him and went straight to your shared room, slamming down your whole body onto the bed.

Sabito immediately knew that you're in super bad mood, so he prepared hot tea and your favourite snacks, bringing them to bedroom.

He lifted your body, and positioned yourself between his lap, rolling you around and making you hugged his body. After that, he will read books or played with your phones while caressing your back, letting you stay in silence until you started to tell what made you upset today.

Or, when he's the one who stressed, he will say nothing while hugging you from behind and put his head on your shoulder.

"Care to spill?"

"..."

"Okay, then. Anytime you ready." You'll do your usual activity inside the house with he clinging onto you, regaining energy by claimed that it's called 'recharging'.

Day-off like Saturday and Sunday is the most precious day. Well, not really, just doing a normal bunch of what couple would do in the apartment.

Also, he's literally... Your mom.

"Hang it here!" "How many times do I had to tell you to not put your pants and shirts on the chair?" "Don't forget turn off the water." "You haven't cook the rice? Geez, I almost done with the other foods!" "Your bra, missy. I really have an issue with that if you carelessly put them in the living room. What if someone's barge in?"

"I don't think someone will barge in unless they're thief, Sabito."

Not to mention how he forced and dragged you all the way down on Sunday to jogging and running.

"Ok, one more lap!"

"Wha-?! Didn't you just say that this is the last?"

"Go! Go! Go!"

Bathing together after long one day? Sure! But please bear with his groping on your breast when you bathe in with him on the tub.

"I'm not groping, I massage them. They said it will grow bigger."

"...where did you hear that. Also, I'm insulted, you know."

"Hmm, I don't really care but isn't it more-"

"Shut up, you pervert!" You splashed water onto his face.

Other affections like kissing and cuddling were done when both of you about to go to bed. He didn't kiss you outside the house because he wanted to feel the simple intimacy from you.

He usually offered you 'pillow-hand' when you're about to sleep or when you still wanted to talk to him with his feet cuddling yours under the blankets.

"The scar..." You slowly dragged your finger at the reddish mark from mouth to ear. "...If I'm not so stupid to go near the wild dog when we were 10, you probably don't have-"

"How many times do I have to tell you that this is not your fault?" He pressed his temple onto yours. "It was my decision to protect you, this scar is also my responsibility."

"But, I'm still not-"

"Oh, but if you kissed my scar everyday, it probably helps."

"You just wanted to be kissed, do you?" You slowly smacked his head while giggling.

"Yeah, maybe? Just- don't think about it anymore. It's all in the past." He butterfly-kissed your nose, telling you to sleep afterwards.

"Umm, can you pat my back?"

"If it made you at ease, sure." He started to move his hand, dragged his palm on your back.

Now, this is new. He didn't know you like it when he caressed your back.

Even though both of you have been together for a long time, Sabito is still eager to discover other real side of you more, so please be prepared.

#kimetsu no yaiba imagines #kimetsu no yaiba x reader #kimetsu no yaiba #kimetsu anime #kimetsu manga #kimetsu no yaiba sabito #kny x reader #kny imagine #kny imagines #kny scenarios #kimetsu no yaiba headcanons #kimetsu no yaiba scenarios #kny fanfiction #kny fanfic #kimetsu no yaiba fanfic #sabito x reader #sabito #kny sabito

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heyyyharry · 4 years

Text

Chapter 1: Blast from the Past

(from the My Girl Trilogy: Stay Mine)

…in which the ghosts from their past come knocking on their doors.

Word count: 6.5k

AU: actor!Harry, older!Harry, younger!Y/N, (4-year age gap).

Wattpad link

I wrote this chapter before Eroda/Adore You came out so the goldfish thing was totally a coincidence lmao.

When Harry was six, he had a goldfish.

He'd asked for a dog for his birthday, but his mother didn't think he was responsible enough to take care of a dog, so she bought him a fish instead. Despite not being as cool as a puppy, the goldfish was actually a great companion, and Harry loved him a lot. He called him Mr. Finny.

Mr. Finny died a week after coming home. It took Harry a month to get over Mr. Finny's death for it was his first experience of losing something that meant a lot to him.

He was too little when his father went away. He was four, and his sister was six — the same age as him when he lost Mr. Finny. So he guessed it had been rough for both his mum and Gemma to deal with such a big loss. He'd had nightmares for a whole week after losing his goldfish, imagine losing a person.

Losing things were easier because things couldn't walk away from you and if you couldn't find them, you could just replace them with something new and better. With people, you couldn't do that. Once you'd lost them, you could lose them forever. Just like goldfishes, even if Harry had found another one that looked exactly the same, it just wasn't Mr. Finny.

Ruby was his second experience of loss which had taken a heavy toll on him. He had lost a part of himself when he lost her. But then he found a better piece to fill that empty space when he returned to Holmes Chapel for Y/N's mother's funeral. They had both lost someone they loved, but they found each other, and now they were exactly where they wanted to be.

They had spent the last month of the summer travelling around Europe after attending Niall's concert in Italy and a friend's movie premiere in Paris. Y/N had only agreed to go because she couldn't say no to Paris, but she was genuinely happy during the trip, which made him happy too.

That was only until summer was over.

There was no perfect timing for finding out your loved one had passed away, but it certainly shouldn't have been at the airport just five minutes after he'd landed in London. It was Gemma who called and broke the news to him. She said their mother was devastated and they needed him to come home, so he immediately called his chauffeur to pick him up at the airport, and of course, Y/N wouldn't let him go alone.

Harry wasn't very close to his stepdad, but he loved the guy because he'd made his mother happy. Now she cried herself to sleep every night like she used to when Harry's father left. Harry had never thought he'd see her like that again, but he guessed it had taught him something new about loss.

Mr. Finny died because Harry had overfed him. He lost Ruby the same way, by loving her too much. When he tried not to love someone more than they loved him, he ended up losing his Bambi. Then there was his mum and his stepdad, who'd had a beautiful and healthy marriage, until death stepped in and took him away. Loss had no expiration date, people did. And no matter how old you were or how hard you tried, you would keep losing people anyway.

"Harry, wake up! Wake up!"

The first thing Harry saw when he opened his eyes was two bright eyes staring right back at him. He blinked fast, trying to get a grip on reality when he felt his girlfriend snuggle her face into his neck.

"You're safe, baby. I'm here," she said as he pulled her closer.

It was the third time that week Harry had had a nightmare. The first time was when he'd just got back to London after the funeral. The second time was just two nights ago.

"Is it the same dream?" Y/N asked. She seemed very concerned, so he gave her a smile and pressed his lips against her forehead.

"You didn't even leave a note this time," he said. "I came to your place and someone else was living there."

"No wonder you kept asking, 'where is she?' in your sleep." His girlfriend chuckled as she combed her fingers through his unruly hair. He loved it when she did that, it always calmed him down.

"I'm sorry I woke you up," he said with a pouty face.

"Nah, woke up a long time ago. I was watching you sleep."

"Creepy."

"Shut up. You love me."

"I do." Harry grinned as she got on top, straddling his waist and holding his face between her palms.

"You know, you can talk to me about anything that's bothering you, no matter how trivial you think it is."

"I know." He nodded. "I've been stressed out lately, that's all."

Y/N didn't seem to believe him but she knew him too well to continue asking questions. She leaned down, her lips brushing against his and her hand going from his chest, down to his belly button, and under the covers. His soft gasp turned into a moan, making her smile devilishly.

"Let me help you relax, yeah?" she whispered into his mouth, tasting every sound he made while pumping him agonisingly slow. "God, you're so hard. Is this for me?"

"Fuck, Bambi."

"Say you're hard for me."

"I'm—I'm hard for you."

"Hmm," she hummed and bit lightly onto his bottom lip. "It's so big in my hand, always makes me feel so full. God, I want your big cock in my tight—"

"Move in with me."

If a four-word sentence could instantly kill the mood, that would be it.

"What?" Y/N's face was almost paralyzed when she pulled away.

Harry had blurted out many things he shouldn't have said during sex with other people, like those couple of times he had called out her name instead of whoever he was with. But never had he been more embarrassed than this moment right now.

Cheeks turning red, the man sat up with his back resting against the headboard. His girlfriend was kneeling in front of him with her hands on her knees and waiting for him to break the silence.

"I'm sorry, I—I didn't...didn't mean that."

"You didn't?"

"Well, no. I mean...yeah, I did, but I—"

What the fuck are you rambling on about, Styles?

"I-I do want that. I want you to move in with me," he blurted with his eyes squeezed shut and when he finally opened them, she was staring at her hands, not at him anymore. He knew that question had come out at the worst moment, but he hadn't expected her reaction to be like this.

"You—you want me to live here?" She raised both eyebrows, pointing down. "In this house?"

"Yeah. I mean, you're basically living here now. It's not like anything has to change."

"It changes a lot, H. I love my flat and I...well, I just—You know..." Now it was her turn to stutter. "I mean, are you...sure this is what you want? We've only been together for three months."

"We've known each other for twelve years, Bambi."

"Still..."

It wasn't exactly an answer, but he had a feeling that it was. To say the least, he was disappointed.

"Look, it's okay. Let's just...just forget I ever asked. I'm sorry for making this weird."

"No, no! I—"

When she paused, he guessed she was trying to come up with a reasonable explanation for how she'd reacted, not an answer. But after a moment, she glanced back up and told him, "can I have more time to think?"

"Of course." He nodded quickly. "Take as much time as you need."

So that was a maybe, he assumed. A maybe was still better than a no, even though most of the time when someone said maybe, they actually meant to say no.

"You know I love you, right?" she spoke after a quiet moment. "Because I do. A lot. It's just—"

Before she could finish the sentence, he smashed his lips against hers. She tend to ramble when she got nervous or excited and that was the fastest and most effective way to shut her up. She called him rude for it but never seemed to mind.

Slowly, Harry pulled away, letting his lips brush hers. He loved the way she was gazing at him with hooded eyes and their foreheads against each other. He clasped his hands on either side of her face and whispered slowly, "I'll wait for your answer. Whatever it is, I'll love you anyway "

Y/N’s reply was only a hurried nod as she pulled him in and kissed him again.

They stopped the discussion there and went on with their usual morning routines: sex, shower, sex in the shower, breakfast, then him dropping her off at campus, and them sitting in the car for five minutes straight because she was too nervous to go on her own.

Normal people returned to uni after the summer with a new haircut or a new nose, not a new millionaire boyfriend who just happened to be a famous actor. Y/N kept telling herself she would eventually get used to it, but everyday passed by and she kept wondering when that would be.

"Want me to hold your hand?" Harry asked when he noticed the way she was pinching her thighs, and without waiting for an answer, interlocked his fingers with hers.

When they were little, she used to ask him to hold her hand as they walked to school on the day of an exam. Exams made her anxious, and even though holding his hand didn't solve that problem, it did temporarily put her at ease. Now, everyday felt like exam day...

"Want me to walk you to class too?" he joked, smirking as she gave his shoulder a nudge. "Well, if you don't feel like going to class today, maybe we could just go home and have more sex."

Giggling, she booped his nose. "You're cute. But I think I'm gonna man up and get out of this car."

"That's my girl. Keep me updated?"

"Sure, baby. Have fun at the photoshoot."

Harry kissed the back of Y/N's hand when she opened the door, but he didn't let her go right away.

"Hey! You forgot something!" He pointed to his lips, pouting like a little boy.

"You're like my mum!" she grumbled before kissing him quickly. "Bye, mum!"

"Bye, sweetie! Be good in school!"

Y/N waved her boyfriend goodbye for the last time and walked straight ahead, ignoring all these strangers' eyes on her. It was insane how just a few months ago she was a nobody on this campus. She could have worn her pyjamas to lectures and nobody would've cared. But now she couldn't even leave home without having to make sure her outfit that day wouldn't get her trending on Twitter. To be honest, it was nice how he loved showing her off to the world and was proud of having her as a girlfriend. She really hoped their relationship would be considered normal once she'd become a famous writer. Well, if she became a famous writer.

"Another agent rejected me today!"

"Good morning to you too, Y/N!" Alice giggled as Y/N took a seat in front of her at the library desk. "Did they give you feedback this time?"

"Nope. Just 'wish you the best of luck in the future'. That was all they could come up with and they had the nerve to say no to my book!" Y/N breathed angrily and turned to see Alice raising an eyebrow at her. "Sorry. I got a bit riled up."

"Really? I couldn't tell."

Y/N chuckled as she jokingly flipped her friend off. "Anyway, I know I'm supposed to get used to rejection because JK Rowling also got rejected twelve times before becoming the JK Rowling but—"

"Y/N, Y/N," Alice cut her off and reached out to hold her hand. "Your book is great! I'm sure you'll find an agent who appreciates your talent. If not, you can always ask Harry to hook you up with someone."

"Taking advantage of my boyfriend's name and connections would be the last thing I would want to do, thank you," Y/N said while kneading her temples, making Alice laugh.

"It's only the third time you've been rejected. Relax!"

Relax.

Y/N didn't know how to do that anymore.

It wasn't just her book. It was also Harry, their relationship, and her newfound 'fame'. Maybe people didn't want to work with her because of what they'd heard. Maybe they were afraid that she'd be known as Harry Styles' girlfriend and not for her writing. Or maybe her book just wasn't good enough. Either way, it sucked.

But those things were just minor problems at the moment. Alice must have thought they were driving her crazy, but the truth was, she was so stressed out about her boyfriend's question that even the tiniest problem could trigger her. She wished she could've just said yes. In fact, she had almost said yes. After all, he had a good point. It wouldn't make a big difference because they were practically living together now. Still, there was something so scary about moving in with someone you'd only been dating for three months.

If something happened and you two broke up, you wouldn't have a place to go back, physically and emotionally, which was why she never wanted to rely on him. She needed to make sure that she could still get back up on her own if something went wrong. Y/N just didn't know how to explain that without making it sound like she was sceptical about their relationship. She had never been more sure about anything else. But then again, nobody could predict the future. And seeing how fragile he was after losing his stepfather, she didn't think it'd be a good idea to have this conversation now.

"Hi!"

The high-pitched voice pulled Y/N back to reality. She and Alice both looked up and saw a brunette with the kind of smile that they would put on the university's brochures. Without waiting for Y/N to figure out if they'd met before, the girl extended her hand and said enthusiastically, "my name is Mandy and um...I'm a big fan of Harry...your boyfriend. Nice to meet you!"

"Oh, okay...Hi.” Y/N smiled awkwardly as she shook the girl's hand. Meanwhile, Alice was trying her best not to crack up.

Mandy happily went on, "there's a new club opening tonight and I'm going there with my friends for a girls' night. So if you're interested, you should totally come with us."

"I appreciate that you asked but—"

"We'll be there for sure!"

Y/N's jaw dropped when Alice gave her an unapologetic grin after taking the offer on her behalf. Mandy, however, seemed overjoyed. "Great!" She clasped both hands together. "I'll send you the address on Instagram. My friends will be so happy to meet you."

The girl left as quickly as she'd arrived, but Y/N was still sitting there and staring at Alice with her mouth agape. It took her a moment to speak, "no! I won't be there! Are you insane? This is a trap!"

"Y/N, don't be crazy."

"They want me to come so they can pull some shit and embarrass me!"

"Or..." Alice lifted her shoulders, "they just hope you'll bring your celebrity boyfriend. If he can't make it, they still get to hang out with his girlfriend. It's a win-win situation."

Sucking in a breath, Y/N blew out her cheeks and ran her hands over her face.

"It's been hard, isn't it?" Alice asked.

"So fucking hard!"

"Don't worry, big sis. I'll be your bodyguard tonight."

Y/N rested her head on one hand while Alice was holding her other. It didn't feel as good as when Harry did it, but it'd do for tonight. She hoped so.

Before the drama last year, her life used to revolve around partying, drinking, and writing. Now she spent most of her time on her own or with Harry, and as much as she enjoyed this new lifestyle, she still missed the good old days.

Thanks to Alice's motivational talks, she had gained enough confidence to let herself be excited for tonight. She had put on makeup and a cute outfit and even curled her hair. She was ready to have fun. But all that excitement only lasted until she arrived at the club.

"Is that Harry Styles' girlfriend?" someone said as soon as she walked in.

People were staring at her like she'd shown up in her sleeping gown, but she turned a blind eye to them all and followed her new friends to the bar. It might take more than a couple of drinks for her to relax.

Alice, on the other hand, was really enjoying the atmosphere and bobbing her head to the loud rock song she normally wouldn't listen to.

"What's with the long face? Have some fun, sis!" she told Y/N, who responded with a snort and a side-eyed look. She was just about to say something to justify her being awkward when a guy and a girl walked up to her and Alice and asked if they could have a picture with her. That had never happened before so Y/N could only smile as the guy handed Alice his phone.

"Right, I'm not dating an actor," Alice mumbled, rolling her eyes.

Y/N managed to contain herself until the strangers left and then started bouncing like a little girl. "I'm famous for no reason, Al! I feel like a Kardashian, but in a good way."

"I told you it wouldn't be so bad, didn't I? Come on, let's dance!"

Alice grabbed Y/N by the arm and dragged her to the dance floor. It was only then that Y/N allowed her body to move freely to the music. She loved the quiet life, but she relished the crazy fun times like this when there was no distraction and intrusion. Tonight she would be that main character in a rom-com, just having fun with her friends and not giving a fuck about anything else.

But then, she saw him.

Like a ghost, he disappeared and reappeared every time the light flicked from red to blue. Or maybe it was really a ghost that she'd seen. The thing about ghosts was that they weren't always the spirits of the dead, they could also be memories and people you had lost as you grew up, and sometimes those were the things that haunted you forever.

"Blake..." the name slipped out of her mouth as she watched the man say something to his friends and make his way to the nearest exit.

Her entire body went stiff. The music was muffled as the buzzing in her ears became louder and louder. She'd had only one drink, she couldn't have been so drunk that she started seeing things that didn't exist. That could've been someone who looked like him. Someone with the exact crooked smile, black hair, and pale eyes. She told herself that only to push her way through the crowd and go after the man.

Just like Alice in Wonderland, she knew she shouldn't have followed the white rabbit, but she was too curious to let him go. What if it really was Blake? Then what? What would she do?

Before she could process those thoughts, a person bumped right into her at the door and almost knocked her over.

"Watch where you're going!" she snapped at them, but then her eyes were wide with shock. "Isaac?"

"Smiley!" Isaac exclaimed, looking more uneasy than happy to see her. "What...what are you doing here?"

"Girls' night out." She pointed to Alice and the girls. "What about you?"

"Oh, I'm here...um..with a friend. Are you in a hurry?"

Y/N glanced back to the exit, staring longingly for a moment and then heaved a sigh. "No, I thought I saw someone I knew, but...never mind. What's happening with you?" she changed the subject. "I haven't seen or heard from you since the funeral. Harry is having dinner with Niall tonight, I thought you were with them."

"Well, Niall asked me to come but I've got plans," Isaac said, staring at the drink in his hand.

She found it odd that they hadn't made eye contact for more than a second, but she didn't want to think too much about it right now.

"About the funeral..." he trailed off. "How's H?"

"Where do I even start?"

"It's that bad?"

"Well, he keeps saying he's fine but I don't think he is," she breathed. "His mother is heartbroken and he cannot stay with her because he still has to go to work."

"That's awful..."

"Yeah, he's been worrying too much about Anne that he doesn't give himself time to grieve."

Isaac didn't respond as he threw his head back and gulped the rest of his drink. He seemed nervous and distracted tonight, which was nothing like him. Was there something about this club that got people acting strange?

"So where's your friend?" Y/N changed the subject again to help him loosen up, but if anything, it only made him tenser.

"My friend?" He cleared his throat. "Yeah, about that, I—"

"Y/N?"

Y/N turned around when she heard her name, and in front of her was a girl, brunette and petite. She skipped the introduction and jumped right in for a hug and Y/N's first instinct was to shove her away.

"What the fuck? Who the fuck are you?!"

"My name is Emilia," the girl said abruptly. "Emilia Styles..."

"Is this some kind of joke?" Y/N snorted and squinted her eyes at Isaac, but Emilia didn't give the man a chance to think of a response.

"I thought you said she knew! Were you lying to me?"

"Please let me explain! Emi!"

"What the fuck?!" Y/N caught his wrist before he could run after the girl. "How about you explain to me what just happened!"

"Look, Smiley. I gotta—"

"No!" She gritted her teeth, her grip only tightened. "You're not going anywhere until I have my answer! Did she say her name was Styles?!"

Isaac tossed his head back and took a deep breath while Y/N was patiently waiting for his explanation. He was stuttering again. It'd all he'd been doing tonight and she'd thought it was weird at first, but now it was really getting on her nerves.

"She's Harry's half-sister," he finally said. And Y/N stilled for a second.

"Harry doesn't have a—" Then, it hit her. "Oh, fuck..."

"Yeah..." Isaac gave a nod when her fingers loosened around his wrist and she eventually let him go.

"Does Harry know?"

"No." He shook his head. "I met her in a cafe two months ago."

"Have you met...him?"

The man swallowed and slowly shook his head again. "But he...um...he knows about me and that I'm friends with Harry."

"So let me get this straight." Y/N took a few steps backwards until she was standing against the wall. "You've known this girl for two months and you haven't said anything to us?"

"I couldn't. You two were in Europe and then there was the funeral. I didn't want to break this news to Harry when he'd just lost his stepfather!"

"Then why did you tell Emilia that I knew about her?!"

"I fucked up, okay?!" Isaac buried his face into his palms, his head hung low. Y/N had never seen him like this before. He was supposed to be the one who kept people calm no matter how bad the situation was. He was Isaac. The Isaac she knew never freaked out!

"She was very eager to meet Harry," Isaac uttered as he tugged at his hair and ignored the look of doubt she was giving him. "She asked me to introduce her to you both but—"

"But you knew Harry wouldn't want to meet her, and you didn't want to let her down, so you lied."

That wasn't even a question because it was the answer. And honestly, Y/N didn't know how to feel about this. Disappointed? Maybe. Worried? Yes. Probably scared too. There was no way Harry could take this news better than she had.

"You're telling him tomorrow."

"What?"

"You heard me." She crossed her arms. "You're only making it worse by keeping a secret from him."

"Didn't you just say he was going through a lot?"

"Yes. That's why you can't let him find out the truth by himself, he has to hear it from you."

Isaac opened his mouth to argue, but he came up with nothing because she was right. There was no excuse for him to continue keeping this a secret.

"I will," he said at last and she finally let go of that sigh of relief. "But please don't say anything to him. I'll talk to him first thing in the morning."

"Alright." Y/N bowed her head. So much for a fun night, she told herself.

"Stop checking your phone, Harold!"

"Sorry, I just—"

"Put it away!" Niall said as he reached across the table and turned off Harry's screen. "I didn't take you out to dinner so you could stare at the screen all night. Were you even listening to what I was saying?"

"Yes, you were telling me about your ex, Beth."

"Jess."

"Yeah, her." Harry shrugged and drank down the last of his wine.

"Who were you texting?" Niall gestured at his phone, raising an eyebrow. "Was it Y/N?"

"No, she's out with her friends. I'm waiting for her to text me back."

"Chill out, mum." The singer chortled as he leaned back in his chair. "You remind me of my high school girlfriend who didn't give me space."

"I'm not clingy!"

"Didn't say you were. You said it yourself."

Harry rolled his eyes at his best friend's snarky remark but then went on anyway, "I'm just afraid she's mad at me or something."

"Why? What happened?"

"This might be embarrassing but," he said with a pause, "I asked her to move in with me...right when we were about to have sex."

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah...It's dumb. I know."

"Fuck yeah it's dumb!" Niall slammed his hand on the table and three other people turned to look at him but he didn't care. "Well? What did she say?"

"She said she'd think about it, but I might have scared her a little."

"Or maybe you're just overthinking." Niall calmly adjusted his napkin and poured himself another glass of wine. "Being angry about something so insignificant just doesn't sound like Y/N to me. I think you should ask her how she really feels."

Harry put down his phone at last, his eyebrows furrowed. "Should I?"

"Why not? I know this whole serious relationship thing is new to you but communication is key. I mean, just look at me and Jess."

"You were together for a week and I haven't even met her."

"Exactly! That's why you don't wanna end up like us, Harold."

For almost seven years they'd been friends, that was the first time Niall had given him good relationship advice. So Harry decided to listen to the man and stop by his girlfriend's place after dinner.

He left her a text to let her know he was coming, but she probably didn't bother to check her phone. Why couldn't she be one of those people who couldn't live without their phones? He loved that about her, but her missing his texts and calls constantly could be frustrating.

Harry was out of breath when he climbed five floors to get to his girlfriend's flat. It'd been over a year, and the lift was still broken. How could she do this everyday? If he was her, he would've moved out as soon as he could; but he didn't come tonight to tell her that, of course.

Before Harry could ring the doorbell, his phone buzzed with two new messages.

⌲ Grumpy Little Deer: I'm almost home.

⌲ Grumpy Little Deer: You won't believe who I saw at the club.

He was just about to ask who it was, but then he heard footsteps going up the stairs.

Y/N appeared with a weary smile and immediately went in for a long passionate kiss. She smelled like alcohol mixing with the sweet scent of perfume that he loved, and he almost whined when she pulled away.

"What's that?" she asked, staring at the paper bag in his hand.

"Oh, right." He smacked his forehead, chuckling. "I thought you might be hungry, so I bought you noodles from your favourite Chinese restaurant."

"Aww, yes! I'm really hungry," she said and kissed him on the cheek. "I swear I've gained a lot of weight since we started dating."

"Your perfect boyfriend puts all your exes to shame, doesn't he?" Harry popped his dimples at his own joke, but she said nothing and only smiled in return.

"So, earlier at the club—"

"Wait!" He grabbed her hand. "Before you tell the story, can I say something first? It's kind of important."

"Oh, okay, s-sure." Y/N nodded, looking a bit worried and puzzled as he sucked in a shaky breath.

"I want to..um...apologise for this morning. I think I came off as a bit too pushy when I asked you to move in with me. You're not ready yet, and it's fine if you want to say no. Just know that I would never pressure you into doing anything you're not comfortable with. And if you think I'm being too clingy, you can tell me anytime."

"What are you talking about? You're not clingy." The girl squinted her eyes as she cupped his cheeks. "Baby, you're not. I love being around you."

"Really?" Harry said under his breath, his lips curved into a bashful smile.

"Absolutely!" She scoffed. "So don't you ever say that again or I'll—"

Without letting her finish, he pulled her closer to a full-body contact and buried his face into the crook of her neck, freezing her to the spot. His strong grip had told her everything he didn't want to say, and the story that'd been on her mind since she left the club had gone out of the window.

After a quiet moment, he pulled away and another smile appeared. "Who did you see at the club?" he asked.

Y/N's brain started screaming 'Blake, Blake, Blake' as her lips parted and she began to stutter, but what came out of her mouth wasn't that name.

It was, "your half-sister."

Watching his smile slip slowly, she wished she could just take back those words. She was supposed to tell him she'd seen Blake, or at least someone who looked like Blake, and nearly had a heart attack on the dance floor. But she had chickened out and ended up breaking the promise to Isaac. She had never felt shittier.

"H-How?" was all he said, his trembling fingers were withdrawn from her face.

"I ran into Isaac," she admitted. "He was with this girl...Her name was Emilia. He said she was your half-sister..."

Harry's face twisted before slowly turning blank. Y/N felt her heart pounding in her chest as she started second-guessing what his next move would be. She expected him to say something. Anything. But then he shoved the paper bag in her hand and stormed off, leaving her no choice but to chase him down the stairs.

"Okay, where the fuck is she?!"

"Harry!" Y/N shouted when her boyfriend shoved Isaac aside and charged into his living room. She stood at the door, pale with fright, and the regretful look in her big eyes had told Isaac everything he needed to know.

He clenched his jaw, staring her down in disbelief. "You fucking told him?"

"I—"

"Do not speak to her that way!"

"You need to calm down, mate," Isaac told Harry as Y/N rushed forward to stand between them, pushing them apart.

"Calm down?" Harry laughed bitterly. "You don't get to tell me to calm down, mate."

"Baby, please, don't—"

"And don't fucking raise your voice at my girl. She told me the truth, which you've been keeping from me for two fucking months!"

Isaac stayed quiet, only giving Y/N one last glance before turning away. She knew what that look meant. If she was Isaac, she wouldn't forgive herself either.

"Why...why don't we all sit down and...and talk about this?" she stuttered, one hand holding her boyfriend's shoulder, the other pressing against his chest, but neither of the men paid attention to her now.

"Why did she come to you?"

"She didn't come to me. I met her by accident." Isaac drew in a long breath. "It's a long story, so please calm down and then we'll talk."

As Harry leaned on Y/N for support, Isaac leaned against the door. Once the silence had filled up the room, Isaac was the first to speak.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier...All of this is my fault. But Emilia didn't lie about who she was, H. She's shown me photos of her parents."

"So you haven't met him?" Harry glanced back up to meet his best friend's gaze. "That man."

"No." Isaac rubbed the back of his neck. "But Emilia told him about you and he wanted to see you."

"Bullshit." Harry exhaled a laugh as he looked away, his lips drew back in a snarl. "That fucking asshole could've 'wanted to see me' twenty years ago, but guess what?"

"I know you're mad at him—"

"No, not at all!" Harry chimed in, interrupting Isaac. "You can only be mad at the people you care about. And I don't want to have anything to do with that man or his family."

"Emilia did nothing wrong. If you would at least talk to her—"

"I don't fucking care. Tell this Emilia girl I don't want to see her and I don't want her to bother the people I love."

Isaac tossed his head back and inhaled deeply when Harry stormed out of the room, but Y/N was still standing there, tugging at her earlobe.

"I'm so sorry, I—"

"Please leave," he cut her off, putting his head in his hands.

"No, you don't get it. I didn't tell him on purpose!"

"Y/N." The way he said her name made her shiver. "Just leave."

Y/N clenched her fists as her shoulders slumped. He didn't even look at her when he called her by her name, not Smiley, so she guessed she should go. Enough damage had already been done tonight.

She left his house with her head hung, and he slammed the door right behind her. She deserved that. But Harry didn't. Now he was sitting in his car with his forehead on the steering wheel and didn't even flinch when she got in and shut the door. So she sat there for almost a minute, just pinching her thighs, not knowing how to start.

"I'm so sorry," he spoke, at last, his voice was shaking as he lifted his head to look at her. "I don't want to get angry and raise my voice when you're around. Like...like that night in the hospital."

"But you weren't yelling at me."

"Still, I shouldn't have yelled. Whenever I yell, I lose someone I care about," he whispered, twisting the silver signet ring she'd given him on his birthday. "Do you think I'm a bad person for not wanting to see that girl?"

"Of course not." She took his hand away from the ring and placed it on her thigh. "The only bad person here is your dad. And you shouldn't let his mistake many years ago make you feel like this is your fault."

With a gentle smile, Harry reached out his hand to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear. He looked into her eyes, thinking for a bit. "You know, I used to wish he would come back one day. I believed that would fix everything and our family would be happy again. But as I grew up, I realised some people left for a reason. And most of the time, it was the same reason they should never return. I-I just...What if he tries to get back in touch with my mum? I don't want him to ruin everything, Bambi...Not again."

"He won't. We won't let him." She held his neck and stroked his cheek with her thumb. "I'm sure Isaac will respect your decision and ask the girl and her father to stay away. Everything will be fine."

Neither of them knew for sure what could happen next, but hearing it from her put him at ease. Pressing her lips against his, Y/N gave him a reassuring smile. "Want me to hold your hand?"

"Yes, please," he said, making her chuckle as their fingers intertwined.

"You're not coming up?"

"No, thank you.” Harry put on a grin as he watched his Bambi unbuckle her seatbelt and open the door. "I think it's better if I spend some time on my own."

"See? You wouldn't get this option if we lived together," she said and snorted when he raised an eyebrow. "Too soon?"

"Yeah."

"Sorry." Beaming, she folded him in her arms and gave him a chaste kiss. "Goodnight, baby. I'll call you tomorrow."

"Bambi, wait."

Harry quickly rolled down the window as she turned back, putting one hand on the top of his car.

"I forgot to ask you if you had fun with your new friends."

"Oh, yeah..." She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, smiling at her feet. "They were nice. And some random people asked for a photo with me!"

"Ooh, you're famous for no reason now, like the Kardashians, but in a good way."

"Exactly!"

The way her nose crinkled when she laughed never failed to make his heart jumpy.

"Goodnight, kid. I love you."

"I love you more," Y/N said before they shared one last kiss. And she stood there, waving goodbye until his car was gone.

It was 2 AM. Y/N felt like her legs were falling apart as she climbed all those stairs up to the fifth floor. After a whole year of filing complaints about the broken lift in this building, she had come to terms with the fact that they would never have it fixed. She could either suffer once in a while, or move in with Harry and never have to suffer again.

That should be added to the pros and cons list of living alone and moving in her boyfriend. She would make that list later, now she couldn't wait to fall into bed and sleep until noon.

Boyfriend: 1

Y/N: 0

Caught up in her random thoughts, Y/N almost didn't notice the empty boxes in the hallway. It seemed like someone had finally moved into the flat in front of hers, but honestly, she didn't care. She'd never talked to her old neighbours anyway, so it wouldn't matter if she didn't say hello to her new one.

The girl was digging through her bag to look for the key when she heard footsteps on the stairs. They stopped right behind her, then a familiar voice that she wished she hadn't recognised froze her to the spot.

"Y/N?"

#my girl series #older!harry #actor!harry #younger!y/n #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfics #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fanfictions #harry styles imagine #harry styles imagines #harry styles angst #harry styles fluff #harry styles smut

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shigarakiskitten · 4 years

Text

Kuroo x fem. reader

First time writing fan fic and its gonna be awful and I'm sorry. But I wanted to give it a shot lol

(X oikawa too maybe?)

Synopsis: you're in a band who just toured with a more well known band and are back home in Japan. You're playing at a local bar where Oikawa , kuroo and a couple of their uni teammates frequent.

_______________________________________________

Its been six months since you've been back home and man does it feel good. You love touring and getting to travel and all of the experiences that came with it but you were homesick. Tonight you and your band were playing at a local bar, it'd be the last show you have for a bit so you guys can take a break and relax and maybe come up with a new song.

The stage crew was setting things up while you and the guys were finishing getting ready.

______________________

Kuroo had been dragged out to the bar by Bokuto. Usually he wouldn't mind going but he was pretty tired from practice but you can't really say no to Bokuto, and it was more energy to fight him than complying so he went. It looked like the band was going to play soon so Kuroo grabbed a table and ordered some drinks. As he's looking around he notices that shittykawa is here with iwa and not surprisingly a horde of girls. He tries his hardest to blend in so oikawa doesn't see them and come talk to them, he doesn't mind oikawa or iwa but with him comes those girls and that's more than Kuroo can handle right now. Unfortunately for him Oikawa sees Kuroo and Bokuto and starts yelling from the bar and walks over.

" Well look who we have here" oikawa says in a sing-song tone

" Hey hey hey what are you guys doing here!?" Bokuto questions

Iwa states " shittykawa said one of his friends is back from tour and is playing tonight so he wanted to come see her."

Oikawa and Iwa join you and Bokuto at the table as the lights start dimming and the band comes out.

"Well it looks like its time, let's crush it" you say to your band as you guys walk on stage.

No matter how many shows you play you always have a little stage freight at first, but music is your passion and all of that anxiety melts away as soon as you start playing.

"Thank you so much for coming out tonight!! We're really happy to be back home in Japan!! I hope you guys enjoy the show!!"

Your drummer Yuri yells "1 2 3 4!" And then you begin your first song and you can feel all of the anxiety disappear.

As soon as the lead singer walked on stage everyone in the bar shut up. She was pretty as fuck if he was being honest, she had (h/c) and bright (e/c) eyes. She was wearing a black tank with a red plaid skirt and fishnets underneath with big black buckle boots. They started their first song and she had an incredible voice, it was so unique. It was like he was hypnotized by it.

" Alright guys this will be our last song of the night! But we'll be staying to hangout with all of you after the show! This last song is a cover of "Stay the night" I hope you enjoy!!

As you're looking into the crowd you can see your friend Toru with a few other guys. As you're singing the chorus of the song " Are you gonna stay the night?" You give them a wink 😉

Shows always seem to go so fast and before you know it , its over.

"Thank you so much for coming to see us!! We really hope you liked it!!"

Cheering explodes

And with that you and the band move into the bar to talk to everyone.

As soon as you walk off stage you see Toru booking it towards you and you can't help but laugh as he envelops you in a crushing hug.

" (y/n) that was so great! I'm really glad you're home, I've missed you!"

You laugh " thanks and I've missed you too."

As you take a step backwards you see 3 other guys come towards you and oikawa.

Toru turns to them and introduces them "(y/n) this is Iwa, Bokuto and Kuroo they're my volleyball teammates at Tokyo U."

Bokuto the owl like one says " Your show was fucking fire!"

You chuckle as you express your gratitude.

Kuroo feels a tiny pang of jealousy as he sees oikawa pick you up and hug you which baffles him because he doesn't even know you. He sees Iwa and Bokuto stand to join you guys so he follows, he's feeling a little nervous which is irritating because he usually has no problem talking to girls. Oikawa introduces him and the other two and you all start chatting.

Soon Oikawas fanclub surrounds him , Iwa and Bokuto so he's left alone with you at the bar. You smile at him and he's kicking himself internally for blushing like a school boy.

calm down Kuroo she's just a girl, it must be the alcohol he thinks to himself as he regains composure.

But of course Torus fanclub has swarmed him so you're left at the bar sitting with Kuroo, you look over at him and smile and you can see his cheeks are a tinge of pink which causes you to smile more.

" So how did you meet shittykawa?" Kuroo asks

At that nickname you burst out laughing

" shittykawa? Ha ill have to remember that one. And we met 2 years ago, my band and I were playing somewhere and he was there. After the show we always hangout with the people who come so he came up to me and started flirting of course. But somehow we became really good friends. What about you?"

" In high school he was the captain of a rival team and I was the captain of my schools but we'd obviously have matches together and sometimes practice together. Then we ended up going to the same college and now we're on the same team."

Kuroo was having a really good time talking to you. It was really interesting getting to know what life on tour was like. He talked about how volleyball was going.

You were asking him when his next game was when a guy came up behind you and threw his arm over your shoulders. Kuroo felt that little pang of jealously again but ignored it because it was completely irrational. You looked up at who it was and Kuroo could tell you were a bit uncomfortable but smiled nonetheless and said hi. This dude was drunk as hell.

" hey baby you were really great up there, you wanna get out of here? We'd have a really good time."

" Oh thank you I'm glad you liked the show but no I'm okay here thanks."

This guy was persistent though and you were giving kuroo a look that said how uncomfortable you were.

Kuroo finally had enough and removed the guys arm from you " Look man you're obviously hammered and she doesn't want to go home with you, take the fucking hint and leave her alone."

The guy scoffed but probably figured it was too much trouble to keep harassing her as long as he was around.

"Thank you" she said with a small smile but he could tell you were still unnerved about what happened.

"No problem, I'm assuming that happens a lot?"

You look at kuroo and say "yeah unfortunately "

It was getting pretty late and you were beat after the show so it was time for you to go home.

" I had a lot of fun talking to you Kuroo, I hope to see you again soon."

" Yeah me too, we should definitely hangout."

You smile at him and give him a hug, before you leave you grab his hand and write your phone number on him.

"Call or text me" you yell as you start walking away to find Toru to say bye.

Kuroo just looks down at his hand with your number on it and starts smiling like an idiot. Bokuto comes out of nowhere and slaps him on the back as he says " you ready to go?"

You find Toru still surrounded by his fan club so you have to wiggle yourself through until you reach him.

" Hey Toru I'm heading out"

He whines " Awhhh (y/n) you're leaving already? I hardly got to spend time with you!!"

You laugh " who's fault is that? I've been sitting at the bar all night you could've been hanging out with me"

He pouts and you roll your eyes at his dramatics.

He picks you up and hugs you tightly, as he sets you down he whispers in your ear " I've really missed you (y/n)" and its not in that flirty way he usually talks with. You smile at him and say " then hangout with me dork, I'm back for the foreseeable future. You have my number" you wave behind you as you walk away.

I hope this was okay, I had fun writing it and if people like it maybe ill make it a series. (:

#anime #haikyū!!#kuroo tetsurō #kuroo tetsurō x reader #oikawa x reader #oikawa torū #iwaizumi hajime #fanfic

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hajimine · 3 years

Note

dear hottie lex :D ㅡ it is, in fact, me again 😫👍🏼 let me tell u about the presentation 😐 a classmate of mine had the exact same quote i planned on using (which i still plan on using lmao) but like we never talked or sum and her turn with the presentation was right before me and our concepts were kinda similar, so i'm slightly concerned that people are gonna think i copied her?? 😀 anyways we had 8 mins left and literally RIGHT BEFORE IT WAS MY TURN my teacher goes "i have to leave earlier today..." and i was like bruh r u kidding me 🤡 i was SO READY PLS i usually hate presentations but i was even excited :// now i have to do it on thursday 🙄✋🏼 anyways i still have that one assignment due later today, a mindmap of the things we did in the last weeks like I DONT REMEMBER OR UNDERSTAND A THING 😻👍🏼 how great life is isnt it 🤲🏻 anyways is it legal to throw a chair or sum at your teacher?? bc that one teacher 😀😀😀😀 WHY AM I ONLY TALKING ABOUT SCHOOL PLSHSJS MY ASS IS SO ANNOYING 😫 anyway lemme grab some water rq, i hope u do too 😌 i honestly just had to rant a little im so sorry 🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️ i hope you've had a great day so far though!! and if you didn't drink some water, please go n get some soon 😌🤲🏻 and don't forget to eat too!! imma finish that episode and then try n do that assignment 🙄 kith kith for u hottie mwah feel hugged <3 ㅡ best regards, 🐉 anon

my dearest 🐉 anon,

oh worm i hope the teacher’s not gonna think u copied her 👩‍🦯 esp bc youre doing it on a later date </3 but goodluck for thursday!! you’re gonna ace it i know it in my heart 🙇🏻‍♀️ JEHSIAJ did u finish the mindmap yet? 😭 i get what u mean bye i cant even retain memory properly anymore ajshjsns it’s so bad 🥲 ok pls don’t throw a chair at your teacher u can just bite them instead (/j !!!) WAIT ok very short story but back in hs one of my friends was the type to get into fights a lot and he threw a table at my other classmate once🧎🏻‍♀️he broke it and had to pay double + he got suspended BYE (i promise im not a troublemaker ajhsjabs im not involved in my friend’s shenanigans 👹) anyways- dw abt it!! i get how frustrating school can be so you’re always welcome to scream at me about your teachers etc 😁🙏🏼 also i finally watched the new aot episode and young zeke looks tasty 🥸 i still dont like him tho he has committed way too many sins bye </3 my day has been pretty okay,, i took a nap bc uni was giving me a headache but other than that it’s pretty chill,, i did a lot of things today tho so that felt realy good >:)) it’s almost 12am but i still have some notes i wanna write but i’ll go grab some water rn 🚶🏻‍♂️i hope u have a wonderful rest of your day babes!! goodluck on all your hw mwah !! here’s me hugging u back 🫂 (sidenote that emoji is so detailed idk how to feel abt that but uh moving on) remember to not overwork yourself and get some rest if youre tired 🤎

with love,

lex 😻

#mailbox;#⚔️ ; anonnies #🐉 anon baby!#BYE this is so extra i love it #there’s such a big gap between the paragraphs bc of the tiny font smh

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pottercrew · 5 years

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I'm so sorry to here what happened to all your drafts!! 💕💕 I'll send in a new one, so here it is Drabble: Goodbye (Make it sad, happy, angsty etc go wild!) I'll love whatever you write!

Thank you so much for this!! You are so sweet!! ILYSM I hope you like it!

Uni/college AU. Mentions of sex

Goodbye

“You know, it’s polite to say goodbye after sleeping with someone before you fucking leave” Harry drawled despite the angry words as he found Malfoy lounging in the empty cafe on the edge of campus.

He was going to leave it, he honestly was. He was going to take that amazing night of no string attached sex and move on with his life and his studies. But finding the man who had left before he had woken up days later, in the cafe he always visited had the words coming out of his mouth before he could stop them. It wasn’t like him, to form attachments like this after casual sex, but here he was doing the thing he promised himself he wouldn’t do after staring at the ceiling of his room alone in mused sheets and a sticky feeling on his skin.

Malfoy looked up, recognition dawning on his face, as he took a sip from his mug, “Ah it sounds like someone is mad” replied, an innocent look on his face.

“Not mad, more slightly offended than anything” Harry answered.

Malfoy hummed, and Harry watched those silver eyes run over his body and tried to ignore the self-satisfied feeling that swelled inside him. He slipped into the seat opposite Malfoy without waiting for an invitation and he saw one of those blonde eyebrows raise.

“Just doing whatever we want now Potter?”

“I wasn’t gonna stand at your table like some sort of creep”

“Maybe I didn’t want you to sit down?”

Harry stared at Malfoy and smiled “Tough shit, I can sit where I like”

He saw Malfoy sigh “You know Potter, normally when one leaves without saying goodbye it’s for a reason,” He said, rolling his eyes and putting his mug down on the table.

“What was the reason then?” Harry wouldn’t normally do this. He’s done the exact same thing Malfoy did to him before and he has never been one to be overly concerned if the people he slept with for one night came back or not. But for some reason, this ridiculously attractive friend of a friend who he had only shared a number of conversations with that he could count on one hand and still have some fingers left, got under his skin and he couldn’t help himself. Ron always told him that he had a destructive streak, but some part of him wanted to know this mystery man more. They had already seen each other naked, so Harry reasoned that getting to know the man a bit more wasn’t exactly pushing the limits.

Malfoy sighed again and leaned his chin on his hand, elbow on the table. “I didn’t peg you as the clingy type”

“I’m not, maybe I just wanted to you know, actually talk to you”

“I do remember we did a fair amount of talking the other night” Malfoy replied, and Harry hoped it wasn’t his imagination that his tone lowered slightly.

“Dirty talk doesn’t count”

Malfoy just hummed and continue to stare at him, and Harry couldn’t help but feel flush under his gaze.

“Fine then” Malfoy finally said, a small smile on his lips “I have a seminar in ten, but I have all afternoon free after that” he leaned forward slightly “if you want to try…talking”

Harry was pretty sure Malfoy didn’t want to just talk but he was going to get a proper conversation out of the gorgeous man in front of him whether he liked it or not. He could skip this afternoon, it was just lecturing after all, though he had to admit he wasn’t looking forward to the lecture Hermionie was going to give him when she found out he was skipping uni for this.

He didn’t want to look too eager so he let the silence last for a bit longer like he was considering saying no before he answered “okay”

“Your place or mine?”

“Yours”

Malfoy smiled at him “Don’t be late Potter, I don’t want to wait too long for our…conversation”

Harry grinned back as he watched Malfoy stand and pick his bag up “See you later Malfoy”

Malfoy turned and headed to the door before he looked over his shoulder

“Bye Potter”

Ahh sorry if this came across as a bit all over the place, I haven’t written anything not academic for so long and I struggled to get back into it aha. I hope you liked it!

Send me a word and I’ll write a Drarry drabble for it!

#Drarry #Draco Malfoy #Harry James Potter #Drarry Drabble

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years

Text

Jac & Amelia

Jac: Hi, sorry if this wasn't the right way to go about this, but I thought it would be more awkward/worse for you to stop the conversation if I approached you in person Jac: but if you're open to it, I'd like to talk Amelia: What is there to say? Jac: From my perspective, a lot Jac: but mainly an apology, if that's all I get to say Amelia: I already know you're sorry, it's been all over for ages, I don't need to hear it Jac: Well you don't know that, I never said it Amelia: you've never said a lot of things, I'm still well aware Jac: That's how miscommunication and misunderstanding happens Jac: you can still not need or want to hear it but you don't know anything that I didn't tell you Amelia: okay Jac: I can confirm any ideas you have, if you would like Jac: but the main reason I want to talk is to apologize for the ways I behaved, and treated you Amelia: well, say whatever you want to say then Jac: Alright Jac: I should never have started anything with you Jac: it was never fair Jac: and continuing it for how long I did was worse Amelia: No you shouldn't, neither should I Jac: I can see how it was harder for you to make a better decision though Jac: given your feelings Amelia: that's no excuse, and I'm not interested in giving myself an out Amelia: I should've made better choices because of how much I cared about you, it's worse if anything Jac: Okay, you don't have to, but I certainly don't hold it against you Jac: you were still coming from a place of care, even if misguided, I wasn't Amelia: it's not comforting Amelia: I was coming from a selfish place, I know that, whatever you think Jac: Alright, it doesn't need to be comforting, I'm just letting you know Jac: there's no need or reason that I feel for me to blame you Jac: but I need to say sorry, for that, and for how we ended things before that Amelia: No you don't, because I'm not just a fucking lose end for you to tie up before you leave Jac: That isn't what it is Jac: I owe apologies Amelia: you don't owe me anything Amelia: we ended things ages ago Jac: that doesn't mean anything Jac: I still wronged you and never owned up to those things Amelia: it means getting into it isn't something I want to do because I've tried really hard to get over it Jac: Then we don't have to Amelia: I'm looking forward, not backwards Amelia: and there isn't an apology I can give you that'll make anything I did okay or me feel okay about it either Jac: I'm not looking for an apology or anything in return Amelia: you should Amelia: because I wronged you too and never owned up to it Jac: I don't see it like that, it didn't feel like that Amelia: okay Jac: if it would help, then I'd accept it, but you've said it won't make you feel better so really, don't worry Amelia: right Jac: So, if my apology doesn't serve you either Jac: I'll leave you alone again now Amelia: you said you need to do it, so just do it, if it's that important to you Jac: only if it's going to reassure people, or give some sense of closure Jac: the latter being more what I was aiming for Jac: it's not going to be anything for me if it isn't for you Amelia: I'll get closure by not having to see you any more Jac: Neither of us is going to gone forever Jac: it'll certainly be easier, and less frequent Jac: but I'm not going to say you'll never see me again, that's just unrealistic Amelia: there's at least higher chance Amelia: my mum keeps me super busy with all her holiday traditions Jac: Fair enough Jac: I'd rather not be concerned about having to avoid anyone when I'm here Amelia: you'll be busy avoiding all of Jess' fan's and stalkers Amelia: I like his music, but not to that level Jac: That's fine, I can deal with that Amelia: good, he's worried about how it's gonna be for you all Jac: You don't need to tell me about my own brother Amelia: you don't need to get defensive about it Jac: I just don't need to talk about that with you Jac: it's not got anything to do with what needs to be said, if at all Amelia: we're not, we're basically done talking really Jac: If you like Amelia: I'd have liked for this conversation never to have been started but you know Jac: I can't do anything about that, I'm afraid Jac: Good luck and goodbye then Amelia: yeah, you too Jac: Thank you, I appreciate that Amelia: I'd never wish you bad luck Jac: Never said you would Amelia: I'm not a 🔮💎💫 gay, still don't even know that much about astrology Jac: Whoever you are, as long as you're happy with that Jac: it's certainly no business of mine Amelia: 😂 no and no Jac: I'm sorry to hear that on the former Amelia: maybe uni will fix everything, maybe not Jac: A fresh start in a new place can't hurt you Jac: and I'm sure you have other protections in place Amelia: 🤞 I won't be so dramatic Amelia: then it can't be as bad as here Jac: It's a change of scenery not a change of personality Amelia: rude Jac: I didn't mean it to be Amelia: it's a chance to grow up, I'm not 15 anymore and nobody there will have known me when I was Jac: That much is true Amelia: I'd say I'll see you around but if I do, I'll obviously act like I haven't Amelia: that's been working Jac: Whatever works for you Amelia: 👋 Jac: I'll be seeing you Amelia: no, you won't 👻 Jac: I didn't say I'd pretend or adopt the same methods you use Amelia: I can't make you Jac: No Jac: I've got no interest in burying my head in the sand Amelia: because you already did it for so long Jac: because I'm moving forward, not just looking Amelia: that's great Jac: It does feel it Amelia: good, you've felt like shit for long enough as well Jac: I guess so Amelia: okay then Jac: If that's all Jac: Bye Amelia Amelia: we still need a different word for it but yeah, bye Jac: Does it really matter? Amelia: doesn't it? that this time we actually mean it but it sounds exactly the same as the times we didn't Jac: There's nothing final implied by any goodbye Jac: it's just a way to end a conversation you don't want to have Amelia: but this time there should be Amelia: very anticlimactic Jac: I don't mean to be rude again but that really is your problem too, loquaciously and otherwise Jac: I'm not attempting dramatics Jac: I opened lines of conversation, you closed them, that's all this is Amelia: I'm attempting levity, if anything Amelia: but alright Jac: Why? Amelia: because you sound like you're giving a rehearsed speech Jac: just because I've put thought into what I'm going to say, doesn't mean it's any less valid Amelia: I didn't say it was invalid Jac: you're invalidating it Amelia: no more than you comparing me to an ostrich Jac: We're at very different places, clearly Amelia: you think you're so far ahead of me, clearly Jac: You're presenting me with avoidance as coping Jac: I'm not gonna say good luck with that, or good for you Jac: you can do whatever you like but I won't pretend I think it's brilliant Amelia: you're presenting me with patronising bullshit over any kind of real conversation Jac: I gave you the opportunity to air your grievances, you didn't want to Jac: I offered apologies, you did not want them either Amelia: I don't know if I'll ever be able to see you and not want to walk immediately off in the other direction, I don't need your judgment for it Jac: I'm not judging you, I'm not applauding or enabling, that's all Jac: I was never asking to be back in your life Amelia: you're asking me to accept your apology as if that will paper over every fucking crack and then we can just see each other out and about as strangers Jac: You don't have to, I was literally just trying to apologize and then see where you were at Jac: and I have Amelia: you've ❌ my name off your list Amelia: that's literally all this is to you Jac: Don't presume to know that Amelia: you're just going to walk away from this conversation with your closure and into your new life as a better person Jac: Well no I'm not, because you haven't given me that or accepted my apology Jac: just because I'm handling that rejection in a more measured, calm way, doesn't mean I feel any better than you, thank you Amelia: well take it, then you can continue to feel superior as much as you like Jac: I don't feel superior to you, I haven't said that once Jac: I'm sorry for whatever is making you feel that way Amelia: it's just your tone then, okay great Jac: If you're gonna tone police, then you will probably come up against much more resistance than I'm giving Jac: You feel bad about yourself, and I am sorry for how much I undoubtedly played into that Amelia: I feel bad because things are bad, and I don't have your certainty that a new place is just going to sort that out Jac: That must be hard for you Amelia: give me whatever other apologies you've got left to get this over with Jac: I really hope life improves for you Jac: it's sad to see Amelia: me too, obviously Jac: You should really talk to someone, if you aren't Amelia: I don't need to be told what to do, the uncertainty isn't total Jac: Simply a suggestion Amelia: my parents made it way before you Jac: I'm glad Jac: how's it going? Amelia: I'm not going to talk about it with you Jac: Okay Amelia: okay Jac: Enjoy the rest of your summer Amelia: you too Jac: 😄 Amelia: it can't all be apologies, you'll have to run out eventually Jac: What do you mean? Amelia: there's not an unending number of 💔 people Jac: Yes, but I don't really get what your point is? Amelia: take a break to take your own advice and enjoy the ☀🌳🌼 Jac: Of course Jac: it's not the only thing I have to do Jac: I'm plenty busy Amelia: undoubtedly Jac: sweet of you though Amelia: everyone will be thrilled I still have it in me Jac: I'm sure they all already know Amelia: based on what evidence Jac: You didn't disown all your new friends and stop talking to your family, did you? Jac: No, that was me Amelia: I don't have any friends so my family are the only people I have to talk to Jac: you clearly talk to my brother Jac: and, your family, so case in point x2 remains Amelia: I try not to x 2 Amelia: and I'm hardly sweet when I do, so no, my point remains there's no basis for that Jac: if you weren't capable of being sweet, it wouldn't be a try for not talking to them Jac: but sure Amelia: I'm capable of being selfish, like I said Jac: I'm aware Amelia: I need them, let's not act like any of what I'm saying is for their benefit Jac: Admitting you need people makes them feel good by default Jac: you could've convinced them that you didn't Jac: and that they're not allowed to need you Amelia: clearly I'm not capable of that Jac: it's not a bad thing Amelia: the ✔ or ❌ next to it is kind of irrelevant because it's what's happened anyway Jac: it's about how you feel about it Jac: I don't know why you're trying to convince yourself you were as bad as me Amelia: I don't know why you're trying to 😇 me Jac: Hardly Jac: there's just zero point being unrealistic about it now Amelia: exactly Jac: You were an awful friend to me Jac: and you stopped even that when I could have really used one Jac: that doesn't invalidate what I'm trying to apologise for Jac: and the fact that I took advantage of you and used you Amelia: I told you I don't want it Jac: No one is sainting you, is my point Jac: I really don't like you, at all Jac: that doesn't mean I didn't do wrong, that's the situation Amelia: I know you did, that's why I don't need it spelled out Jac: I'm not spelling it out Jac: I apologized, you didn't accept it Jac: now that's on you Jac: I've done my part Amelia: you're literally spelling that out Amelia: like I don't know what's happening Jac: you clearly are confused Jac: you've said completely the opposite of what I've said to you several times Jac: and I'm not interested in participating in that misunderstanding any longer Amelia: okay Jac: right, thank you Amelia: I accept your apology, you can go Jac: I'm not an idiot Jac: don't lie Jac: I'll still be able to move on without it Amelia: I'm not lying, I get that you're sorry and why Jac: No, the more I think about it, the more I don't want to do this Jac: don't bother Amelia: fine Jac: because an apology should be mutual, to work Jac: and I truly do not forgive you Jac: you actually talking to me again has only reminded me Jac: I'm sorry for contacting you, that was a mistake Amelia: it's alright, like I said, I get what you were trying to do Jac: there's no point pretending Amelia: no there isn't, what I did to you was horrific, don't forgive me Jac: there's windows of opportunity, sometimes Jac: and you had plenty of time Amelia: time doesn't heal everything Jac: and you prioritized yourself and your healing over me and the fact you've failed to do so Jac: yeah, that really disgusts me Jac: I can't help that, not yet Jac: I don't know when Amelia: I prioritised myself, I wasn't doing any healing, distraction isn't the same thing Jac: I don't even know if I'm able to forgive that Jac: but that's a me problem Jac: I can't care about you anymore, in any way, you walked out on me near a year ago, I need to do the same now Amelia: yeah you do Jac: fucking hell Jac: right Amelia: there's nothing else to say, I'm glad you're doing better but all I really did was throw myself into school Jac: there is so much more to say Jac: but you've made it clear how you feel Amelia: so have you Amelia: walk away, the last thing I want is any of this bullshit Jac: you've heard what you want, as per usual Jac: heaven forbid you have to deal with anything uncomfortable for you Amelia: fuck's sake Jac: because I really wanted to do this, you're right, it was all about me and how great this would make me feel Amelia: okay, it's not a walk in the park for you either Jac: how dare I try Amelia: I'm stubborn, not stupid Jac: so I'm not trying, yeah? Amelia: of course you fucking are Jac: and your solution is to not, ever Amelia: with you there isn't any solution Jac: fine Amelia: I treated you like shit, it doesn't matter how sorry I am or how hard I want to try Jac: Yes, it does Jac: it would Jac: that's such an excuse Amelia: no it's not, I am sorry but that doesn't and won't change anything Jac: you aren't sorry enough to do anything about it Jac: that's what you mean Jac: and like I said, fine Amelia: if there was anything I could Amelia: then I obviously would Jac: Okay, Amelia Jac: I can't tell you what to do Amelia: yeah you can, if there's something you want Jac: You don't have to serve what I want Amelia: I know that Jac: then just Jac: this hurts Amelia: it's been too long since I did the right thing Amelia: I don't know what to do Jac: Why haven't you been trying? Amelia: because I thought it would work, my parents just kept saying I needed time, to focus on studying, that once I get to uni things will be better Jac: it isn't going to just happen Jac: it's good that you've been studying but like you said, it's distraction Amelia: yeah Jac: but you'll never be over it if you ignore it, if we do Amelia: but trying to talk about it has only ever made it worse Amelia: we don't communicate well Jac: it can be different Amelia: can it? Jac: there has been time, distance Jac: the fact we're addressing it, that's different Jac: can we just, start this conversation again, try again Amelia: I don't get why you want to when you don't even like me Jac: because I loved you Jac: for a long time, that doesn't count for nothing Jac: I don't want it to Jac: and I don't want to dislike you Jac: what's the point of that? Amelia: okay Jac: I know you know and knew at the time that it was wrong, I get that, you aren't stupid and I'm not trying to keep saying the same thing over and over Jac: but I don't think either of us fully appreciated how hard it was for you to say no to me at the time Jac: and now I'm so ashamed of how much I used that to my advantage Amelia: I did so many things going really far back, to not say no to you, so I'm ashamed of that too Jac: yeah, it wasn't like it was just that, or it just started with that whole period of time Jac: I knew on some level Jac: and I used it, however unconsciously, I still did Jac: I don't really know why, except for the fact I could, pure selfishness, to get what I wanted Jac: it wasn't fair on you, but plenty of other people too Amelia: and I kept it going because I wanted to, even though I knew I shouldn't Jac: if I was any sort of friend, I wouldn't have put you in that position, of having to make that choice Amelia: if I was any sort of friend I would've put what I wanted to one side and actually tried to help you Jac: It's clear neither of us were in any position to help each other, after a point Jac: I just don't know when we got there Amelia: I didn't try hard enough, how can I say I loved or cared about you? Jac: I wouldn't let you Jac: but that doesn't feel true because I did let you in in those other ways Jac: which, again, confusing and not fair on any level Amelia: I don't think I can love or care about anyone properly, that's why I'm scared to go forward Jac: I don't think that's true, I'm aware that isn't comforting, or counts for much Jac: but if someone actually gave you the chance, and it was fair Jac: you can't base it on what we had Jac: it was bad for us both, and didn't work because of that Amelia: I'm not, I'm basing it on Is and Jess too Jac: We were all bad to Is Jac: it was like...I don't even know Jac: a way to make you fight for my attention? mutual bonding to leave her out? Jac: I'm not being vague purposefully, I truly do not know why Jac: I don't think we had much in common with her once we got older but still, we didn't have to do what we did Jac: and it's a whole different situation with Jess, I repeatedly told you to not be friends with him, starters, and obviously it's a reminder of me you didn't necessarily need Amelia: I just feel like I can't have friends, but what am I gonna do, not go? be the weird loner who doesn't get involved in anything? Jac: We were best friends Jac: and that blew up, spectacularly Jac: you're bound to have trauma Amelia: I have no idea if we were or not, maybe I was just 😍🥰 Amelia: because I can't pinpoint when that happened Jac: but we still were Jac: it can be both Jac: isn't it, ideally, when you have a s/o Amelia: not if I didn't treat you like it was both Amelia: which I obviously didn't because I had no issue ever saying no to Is Jac: maybe that was more about that we didn't treat Is like a friend Amelia: maybe Jac: I don't know Jac: I felt like we were friends Amelia: okay, that's a good start, I guess Jac: of course I did Jac: I know you loved me for a long time Jac: but does it discount the philia type of love Amelia: I don't know what that means but it sounds disgusting Jac Philia — Affectionate Love. Philia is love without romantic attraction and occurs between friends or family members. ... Pragma — Enduring Love. ... Storge — Familiar Love. ... Eros — Romantic Love. ... Ludus — Playful Love. ... Mania — Obsessive Love. ... Philautia — Self Love. ... Agape — Selfless Love. Jac: thanks, classics Amelia: oh well then I hope not Jac: I'm sure you can have more than one at play at once Jac: personal experience and general consensus Amelia: probably Jac: you can't go through life alone Jac: you don't need to Amelia: arguably I do need to Amelia: because I can't go through anything that comes close to this again Jac: I don't think it will Jac: and I'm not just being big-headed Jac: there's a lot of songs about it, more evidence Amelia: I haven't forgotten what you said about someone else taking advantage of me, even if you have Jac: I haven't Jac: I said Jac: particularly nasty things that day Amelia: it was an especially fucked up day for you Jac: yes, I haven't forgotten anything about that time Jac: if only Jac: I still had no right, to be as Jac: callous as I was Amelia: you wanted me to leave, it wouldn't have worked any other way Jac: yeah Jac: I needed you to Amelia: and I know you think it was a dick move for me to not be there after but it was for the best Amelia: you had Jesse, having me around would've just made shit worse Jac: I know nothing would have made it better, really Amelia: of course not Jac: I guess too much had passed between us at that point Jac: I didn't think we were there yet Jac: or that there was that point, arrogantly Amelia: that's why I decided for us Amelia: you had grieving to do Jac: I can see your thought process now Amelia: there's loads I should've handled differently but I'm not sorry for walking away then Amelia: it was bigger than me and us and that whole fucking thing Jac: It probably just hit me, that I had successfully isolated myself, at that point Jac: I can't blame you, I shouldn't Amelia: you can, if you want, there were loads of times I thought I should just get over myself and see how you were Jac: It just felt like you didn't care Jac: but complaining about that when that's consistently what I told you, well Jac: there was no way Amelia: I'll never stop caring about you Jac: Me either Amelia: but I'm not good for you Amelia: and even if I could've shown up and taken over from Jesse, it wouldn't have gone well or lasted Jac: but I never should have asked for the amount from you that I consistently did Jac: that's the truth Amelia: and I shouldn't have been willing to give you everything in exchange for nothing Jac: No Jac: but we don't have to go back, to fix this Jac: to be better Jac: we have to address it, not just push on Amelia: that's a relief because we can't go back or fix it Jac: Why do you think the latter though? Amelia: too much has happened Jac: but that doesn't mean stop and stagnate Jac: better things can and should happen Amelia: yeah, for both of us separately Amelia: you're way ahead of me Jac: I'm not Jac: but I agree Jac: but that doesn't mean we can't get us past this place Jac: like I said, that doesn't mean like it was before, or even a fraction of that, it can be what we want Jac: that's all I was ever suggesting Amelia: what do you want it to be? Jac: I don't want you to want to run when you see me, or for us to not be able to acknowledge that spending the majority of our childhood together means something for who we are now Jac: I don't have it in me to keep hurting you or the only way for that to not happen to be staying away forever Jac: maybe we still need time Jac: but maybe we can make a start Amelia: I can't imagine talking about ☀☁🌧🌨 with you, that's all Amelia: the feeling I had at Is' birthday party that last time was Amelia: I don't know, but I know I can't Jac: we don't have to pretend to be strangers Jac: there's no point in that Jac: setting boundaries this time doesn't have to equate to nothing to say Amelia: okay Jac: I know there's still chance we'll fuck up Jac: and I know you don't have load of reason to trust me Jac: but if we're both trying Jac: and at least communicating better than nothing Jac: surely Amelia: because I don't have the slightest clue how to set boundaries Amelia: or loads of trust in myself Amelia: but I'll try Jac: maybe it gets easier with practice Amelia: I'm not saying it'll go as badly as when I said I'd try to be friends with Savannah but let's aim for not Jac: 😂 Jac: the bars been set Amelia: I've got nothing if not realistic goals Jac: you did really well Jac: getting on the course you did Amelia: school's boring but not hard Jac: don't tell Delia Amelia: I don't think she'd open a message from me Jac: another congrats for her amazing grades? add it to the pile Amelia: not another declaration of love, how dare I? Amelia: our only conversation to date was her asking if I fancied her when I came out so she is waiting Jac: Oh my god Jac: delusion? wishful thinking? Jac: not her Jac: going to be so disappointed when she doesn't get swept off her feet by some Mr Darcy type at Uni Amelia: I like girls so obviously I MUST like her because she's head girl in EVERY WAY, it was simply a technically she didn't get the badge Jac: She's so tragic I'm breaking my rule of not shit-talking people to do so because Jac: yikes Jac: maybe she is THAT special, after-all Amelia: I told her it must have been SO hard coming such a clear 2nd to Savannah Moore at everything whilst having a bigger ego Amelia: but I think she thought that meant I fancied Savannah so Amelia: slightly awkward Jac: she might've just hated Sav more than you Amelia: we could've bonded over it if she'd been less Amelia: her Jac: Yeah, I'm really gutted for you both on that Amelia: I'm really gutted that she doesn't realise your grades were better Amelia: like maybe she can't count Amelia: it's all a dramatic cover for illiteracy Jac: do we call that innumerate or Jac: ha, we do Jac: ['cos did just google that] Amelia: Jess wasn't far off her grades and he don't care, she can honestly calm down Jac: The compensation is real with that one Amelia: 😏 Jac: I hope she has a great time in Bath Jac: I don't hope that Savannah is there too and she has to rekindle that 'rivalry' or anything Amelia: 😂 Amelia: that's so gay Jac: if this were a Netflix adaptation of a YA novel, for sure Amelia: Sav is too pretty for her, people would be up in arms Jac: not people like Delia Jac: aspirational, the ugly nerd girl gets the hottie Amelia: she does look like she could be royalty, maybe that's the plot twist Jac: fucking secret princess Jac: yeah, Savannah probably would have gone for that Jac: if Delia pretends to be a boy too, get Shakesperian Amelia: 😂 Jac: I've missed you Amelia: not that I've had much competition Amelia: I love Jess but he isn't very chatty Jac: he's been more of a warden than a friend, or normal brother Jac: not his fault, that was what he had to be but yeah Amelia: and less said about Darla the fucking better, to be honest Amelia: I wasn't 💔 when she finished school Jac: Well she was what I needed her to be Jac: naturally, as was everyone in that period Amelia: an enabler, yeah, she was Jac: she's got a fucked life Jac: and I didn't help her no more than she helped me so Jac: guess it makes us equal enough Amelia: I've missed you too, by the way Jac: Yeah, tah Amelia: not only because having your mum for a BFF is the coolest Jac: at least she does know all the good gossip Amelia: and I know how to cross stitch, crochet and knit, gonna be an amazing wife Jac: your future wife better love a handmade gift Amelia: I made you an oversized scarf but I also learnt my lesson about leaving stuff outside your 🏠 Jac: Perhaps a stray could have used it for a bed or something Amelia: okay, I'll leave it when I'm going that way Jac: I'm sorry Amelia: me too Jac: If I wasn't such a bitch, they'd have been really nice gifts Amelia: yeah, I'm a thoughtful bitch Jac: 😂 Amelia: 😉 Jac: Shame some passing gay 🤓 didn't rescue 'em Amelia: any passing gay 🤓 has probably already read them Jac: how much gay literature have you consumed, whilst not knitting like a 👵 Amelia: [a list lol] Jac: Oh God Amelia: I don't recommend most of it, wouldn't even to Delia Jac: I don't really do non-fiction, which you conveniently forgot when trying to bash me over the head with your moral messages and thoughtful bitch-ness Jac: maybe read a case study or two, but wouldn't recommend, it's not the most reassuring Amelia: at least I didn't hit you over the head with Shakespeare or Les Mis or War and Peace Amelia: and I didn't forget Jac: that's more assault than insult Amelia: the first 📖 was because it only took my 10 minutes to find my parents 🎁 and the 2nd was to put my 🎨 in to try and protect it from the ❄ Jac: [why I write non-fiction when I clearly meant fiction I've annoyed myself wid that lol just so we don't get confused on a re-read] Jac: and the stories were a total coincidence Jac: not like plastic bags are cheaper or more plentiful Amelia: not to me but I knew YOU wouldn't read them Jac: I can google a title and get the sparknotes, like Jac: 👌👌 Amelia: 👏👏 Jac: erm don't be rude Jac: you knew I'd do that, I mean Amelia: I didn't know anything about what you would or wouldn't do Jac: except that I wouldn't read them, obvs Amelia: yeah, well the wouldn'ts are a bit easier than the woulds Jac: be very obvious if I lobbed them back through your window Jac: don't even need your ma's keen senses to work that one out Amelia: you wouldn't come that close to my 🏠 Jac: unlike you, I have no reason to be anywhere near Jac: again, obvious Amelia: unlike you I don't need a reason Jac: sounds mildly stalkerish Amelia: 😕 you're right Amelia: I won't bother to delete it though Jac: Progress Jac: it's fine, there's been very little too stalk, accusing you of that lately would just be embarrassing for me Amelia: likewise Amelia: unless you really want to see what else I've been knitting that badly Jac: you don't have a etsy yet? Jac: slacking Amelia: I wouldn't gift it to you if anyone else would have it Amelia: I didn't say I was good, only that I technically learned how Jac: Charming Jac: you want me to walk around looking a state Amelia: it's the thought that counts Amelia: and I'm under no illusion you'd wear it Amelia: it's not chanel Jac: we're still a while away from me being able to wear exclusively chanel Amelia: 💔 Jac: I know Jac: all bitch no rich, according to you Jac: not the one Amelia: you wish I'd ever called you names Amelia: I can flirt better than that, thank you Jac: That's a development too Jac: I distinctly remember 😳 Amelia: rude Jac: but true Jac: and we aren't pretending to be strangers, remember Amelia: 😣 fine Jac: 😉 Amelia: how long did the 💄 even last once you'd thawed or whatever? Jac: not like I was doing much 💋 after Jac: not to say it was poorly timed but you know Amelia: because that's the only time you ever wear it, we're not strangers Jac: okay, yeah Jac: I've still got it though Amelia: maybe it's not a total 🤑 scam in that case Jac: it is still for special occasions, if not just 💋s Jac: plus, like you said, my brother is the only person I'm hanging out with and enough fans thought we were dating for a while there without trying that hard for him 🤢 Amelia: your family and incest Jac: can you not Amelia: sorry Jac: you're okay Jac: it is vomit-inducing though Amelia: yeah Jac: like didn't want to be 'outed' as his sister but the speculation is worse Amelia: loads of fans thought we were 😍🥰😘 after I went to one gig and that made me feel 🤢 too Amelia: happy to be outed Jac: ha, seriously Jac: it's so weird Amelia: I must not have wearing 👖 that night or something Jac: gays own denim, yeah? Amelia: your guess is as likely to be right as mine is Amelia: I'm the only gay I know Jac: bollocks Jac: there's loads of out kids Amelia: and I don't know them, my mum is my best mate, remember Jac: 1. you had a girlfriend and all her pals, however briefly 2. you claim to know/love my brother 3. so what are you talking about Amelia: 1. I've mentally blocked out that entire time period 2. he's not gay Jac: 1. fair enough, yeah 2. neither are you unless we are using it as an umbrella term so suck it Amelia: 👅🍭 Jac: 😋 Amelia: or 🍦 because it's ☀ Jac: that would constitute enjoying the rest of our summer Amelia: you did tell me to Jac: likewise Jac: are you going to go to any of these final-blowout-before-we-all-leave-forever parties? Amelia: I don't know Jac: Me either Jac: probably not though Amelia: if Jess wants to before I go, I might, but there's loads of other things I'd rather do instead Jac: cute Amelia: he is my sometimes boyfriend, ask the fans Jac: that's truly horrifying Amelia: maybe I'll be washing my 👖 Jac: write a song about it, boy Amelia: 😂 Jac: he would Jac: tell me I'm wrong Jac: you can't Amelia: he definitely would Amelia: as enjoyable as it always is telling you you're wrong Jac: more enjoyable than hearing his 💔 Amelia: yeah Jac: but not 🍦 Amelia: I'm very hungry right now so no Jac: I mean, go ahead Jac: but I'm never wrong Amelia: we're not strangers Jac: 😲 Amelia: you were wrong when you thought you could ✂ your own hair Jac: I can't wait to be somewhere no one knows that anecdote Jac: and there isn't photographic evidence Amelia: and when you told me my mum's 🌹 didn't have thorns because you wanted me to pick them for you Jac: well, that was just a lie, not being wrong Jac: surprised your mum didn't cut my hair with her secateurs after that, like Amelia: okay but I can probably go on and on all day if you want Amelia: ending on my forehead scar for dramatic effect Jac: you're the one that ❤s it more than ice-cream and indie pop Jac: anyway, I feel enough guilt and shame for the things I did wrong way more recently than that, if we're being real Amelia: yeah, I know Amelia: me too Jac: summer bummer Amelia: hey, we're trying Jac: true Jac: not that bad, is it Amelia: maybe we should go to one of the parties, do it right Jac: you think? Amelia: I might worry less about freshers if I can do that without fucking it up Jac: Alright Jac: if we find one with the least offensive cast of dickheads Amelia: if anything that sounds harder than not fucking it up but okay Jac: at least Delia won't be at any Jac: it'll be fine Amelia: I'm 💔 about the lack of goodbye 💋 so if you could just not mention her name Jac: 🤐 Amelia: thanks Jac: any time Amelia: and we can leave any time if it's the worst idea I've ever had Jac: now that's unlikely Jac: however boring it is Amelia: alright, if I'm the worst date ever Jac: nah Jac: you haven't forgotten how many boys I've dated Amelia: I've tried to Jac: 🤐🤐 Amelia: 🥀🥀 Jac: don't worry, I'm very aware how tragic it was, no need to pretend Amelia: I'm just wondering if they are or if they really think they did something 🏆⭐ Jac: They did me and that was the 🏆⭐ Jac: some people can get an ego over nothing, like she-who-must-not-be-named but the majority were clued in Amelia: no arguments from me, you were 🏆⭐ Jac: you weren't bad yourself Amelia: it's not a real compliment, it's an if I were dressed like a Shakespearean boy one, so I don't need any back Jac: no it's not Amelia: and I'm going outside, you'll be thrilled to hear Amelia: ☀🌳🌼 Jac: that's nice and all but why are you ignoring me coming out to you Amelia: because I don't know what to do with it Jac: okay Jac: that went well then Amelia: how did you expect it to go? Jac: thought you might be able to muster a happy for you or something Jac: what did your mum say when you first told her? Amelia: she asked me if I was sure, which I'm obviously not going to say Jac: did you tell her she was the first person you told? Amelia: no Jac: well maybe that would've been a better place for me to start Amelia: I don't think I should be the first person you tell anything Jac: it's not like you didn't know already Jac: that's the only reason why Jac: I'm not gonna make an announcement Amelia: and you weren't happy so I'm not going to say I'm happy for you Jac: alright Jac: don't worry about it Amelia: I'm not worried about it, if you're telling me, that's different from how it was before Jac: yeah, sort of what I'm going for Amelia: the fresh start thing, yeah Jac: right Jac: may as well give it a shot Amelia: you'll have loads of chances to get a better reaction than the one you got from me Jac: not going to get laid Jac: or join a GSA Jac: just also not lying and getting laid by dudes, that's all Amelia: okay Jac: unless there's a future king of England, that's just the kind of chance you have to take regardless Amelia: 😂 Amelia: I'll let you, Sav and Delia be 👸👸🏾👸🏼 it's not really the happily ever after I'm looking for Jac: not that it ever is really Jac: 📸🏎🚇💀💔 Amelia: Jess' fans are intense enough Jac: 🙄 yeah, can't wait for the complex he gets Amelia: loads of girls have already asked me out to try and get close to him, no thank you Jac: Ew Jac: another reason not to come out Amelia: you'll just get lads doing it instead Jac: nah Jac: lads aren't like that and he has like no male fans Amelia: not yet Jac: still Jac: gay boys aren't gonna pretend to be straight to clout chase Amelia: I was thinking more straight lads trying to be his mate and take his fan girls but sure Jac: why are you wishing predators on me just to prove boys are as bad as straight girls Jac: 🤨 Amelia: I haven't made any wishes Jac: hmm 👌 Amelia: you can have a clichéd good luck message when you actually leave Jac: I'll look forward to it Jac: you're so jaded now yeah Amelia: not that kind of 👵 Jac: I've only got the one so not much to compare Jac: ❌👵👴👴 Amelia: I'll cellotape 💰 to any cards I send you along with the 🧶🧣🧤🧦🧸 Amelia: leave you long rambling voicemails because I refuse to text and show up at every family function only to leave like an hour later Amelia: the full experience Jac: honestly, sounds like you anyway Jac: not a big stretch is it Jac: 😄 Amelia: I wouldn't do it if it was, selfish bitch that I am Jac: Obvs Amelia: 😏 Jac: right Jac: better let you go enjoy the ☀🌳🌼 as requested Amelia: don't worry, I'm a 👵 who can do a few things at once Amelia: not wearing my 🍦 or anything Jac: knitted bib would probably not work Amelia: my mum must've tried it when I was a baby Jac: she probably soldiered on as well Jac: like with the bob Amelia: 😣 Amelia: BFF or not, I won't be asking her advice on what to wear for my first day of lectures Jac: Bless Jac: the preppy look would be more her wheelhouse than freshers though Amelia: freshers is a banned word in our 🏠 Amelia: she thinks I'm going to go insane Jac: you aren't Delia who's never been to a real party in her life Jac: I'll send her some charcoal all ready, like Jac: DIY Amelia: she'd probably assume it was an early 🎄🎅🎁 and you were calling her 👿 Jac: she is that pessimist Jac: not gonna beat you with a switch, sorry girl Amelia: she'd at least need to buy you a drink first Jac: I'd need more than a single drink, tah Amelia: 🍾 Jac: that's the vibe Jac: [examples 'cos St Andrews so bouj with the champagne etc lol] Amelia: you'll fit right in Amelia: I don't know what Cork's vibe is Jac: You should check out the #s it can be really useful Jac: if you're not quite ready to dip your toe into the freshers whatsapps yet Jac: I'm holding off 'cos 😬 Amelia: me too, I feel at risk of a migraine just thinking about it Amelia: which would be about right when I haven't had as many lately Jac: alright, I get it Jac: massive pain in your 🤯 Jac: I'm glad you've got 'em a bit more under control though Amelia: I mean, you're not on my official triggers list technically Amelia: even if I was apparently always 😳 Jac: Yeah Jac: but that's easily dealt with Amelia: right Jac: better than an aspirin, anyway Amelia: true, I'm still shit at swallowing 💊s Jac: That gay Amelia: 😂 Jac: Might go to [this] hers Jac: they weren't that awful Amelia: and it's not that far if we decide to 🏃 away Jac: and her parents will only be down the pub or something 'til they call time, so no chance of it getting out of hand Amelia: my parents will be thrilled Jac: if you don't want them to join you on freshers Amelia: thank god she isn't reading over my shoulder right now, you'd have given her ideas Jac: no way she weren't already thinking of ways to 🔭 Amelia: one of many reasons I'd never go to Trinity Jac: Same Jac: can't imagine anything worse Amelia: UCC's website already makes the BOLD claim of being in the top 2% of universities in the world so obviously I have no need anyway Amelia: don't ask me how they worked out anything like that Amelia: 🤨 Jac: top 2% at what Jac: I love when they try to blind you with stats Jac: some of the websites are abhorent Amelia: Bath's would give me a migraine Amelia: because yeah I've looked at it Jac: don't remind me 💔 Amelia: I'll invite Delia to the party if you like, that'll make you feel loads better Jac: I AM thrilled that no one from school is going to st andys too Jac: 👀 anyone across campus, let alone her, nope Amelia: shit, now that you mention it, I really don't like my chances of not running into anyone quite as much Amelia: that'll be a great orientation depending who I get Jac: I think they're gonna announce it all at that ball thing they're doing Jac: if you're going to that Amelia: I probably have to now Amelia: to get a warning Amelia: 😬 Jac: just don't dramatically gasp or scream in horror Jac: the other person/people might be a bit offended Amelia: that'll be everyone else at me in a 👗 again Jac: okay, cinderella fantasy Amelia: thanks, yeah, I'm totally rocking some summer rags as we speak Amelia: I get it, if it's not chanel I might as well 🧹 the floor in it or with it Jac: at least you name isn't prefaced with ugly or evil Jac: r* Jac: 🐭🎃✨ Amelia: but I can't be leaving 👠 behind Jac: packing is so weird Jac: how do you even know how much to take Amelia: I just know I'm going to have to keep going back and forth because I haven't grabbed the right things Amelia: I don't envy you Jac: what are you doing for living your 1st year? Amelia: rooms are on a lottery so if I don't get one I'll have to stay here and 🚗 Jac: Oh Jac: that's tense Jac: I'll 🤞🤞 Amelia: scared as I am, I seriously don't want to live at 🏠 Amelia: what kind of fresh start is that? Jac: I agree, I mean, obviously Jac: I couldn't go much further Jac: you'd miss out if you had to commute, on all the student life Amelia: exactly, they also brag about having over 100 societies Jac: we love an option Jac: it'll be good Jac: even if you do 🚗 for a bit, you'll meet people you actually wanna share with later Amelia: 🤞🤞 Amelia: so are you going to the ball 👸? Jac: better than being stuck with total nightmare housemates Jac: I opted for a single room for that same reason Jac: only so nice I can be still Jac: I wanted to scream at Jude earlier but I had to just 🙂🙂 Jac: May as well, though everyone is pairing up and making that a thing, or going as a girly group and then that's another thing so Amelia: right? I've never even had to share a bathroom before, I'm too only child for this bullshit to be honest Jac: ^^ you wouldn't cope, soz Amelia: I'd rather sleep in my 🚗 than with nightmare housemates Amelia: fuck's sake, maybe I won't go to the ball and take my chances with whoever else is going to UCC Amelia: we probably won't ever run into each other anyway Jac: I saw Is and all her mates dress shopping in town the other day Amelia: did she see you? Jac: Thankfully not Jac: I was stocking up on some beauty essentials so I was far enough away for that convo not to happen Amelia: It's so weird to just see her around Amelia: she always looks good though Jac: Yeah Jac: she's gonna be really happy Jac: it's good Amelia: but it has made my mind up about not going, because there's no way I'm going dress shopping Amelia: and nothing online can be trusted Jac: We could've gone together Jac: pure solidarity thing, as we have no one else to go with Jac: apart from Jess Amelia: do you want to? Jac: I mean, yeah Jac: the last day was pretty anti-climatic Jac: at least this will feel like a proper goodbye Amelia: I'm aware I haven't really shone in this conversation so okay Jac: You don't have to Jac: but it could be alright, us three Jac: see it through to the end properly, you know Amelia: I want to though, when you put it like that Jac: Okay Jac: cool Jac: I'll tell Jess Jac: at least he has to have something approaching formalwear these days Amelia: maybe he'll let me borrow it Jac: the full 🤵🏻 moment Amelia: I guess, if it means I can escape the 🛍 moment Jac: you don't have ANYTHING? Amelia: no ?????? maybe ??????? Amelia: I don't know, it's not a house party Jac: 🙄😂 Jac: in fairness, every other bitch is finished by now Jac: so you aren't going to run into everyone Amelia: what are you planning on wearing? Jac: 🤔 Jac: I probably have options Jac: if I've worn it too recently is always the question Amelia: we're going shopping, aren't we? Jac: it sounds like we need to Amelia: alright Jac: When do you wanna go Jac: I've wrapped up work now so I'm pretty free most of the time Jac: when not packing, unpacking, repacking Amelia: tomorrow so I can change my mind AGAIN back to not going if all the 👗 suck Amelia: plus my mum is busy and can't gatecrash to volunteer any 'advice' Amelia: more importantly, where do we want to go? because I'll 🚗 Amelia: obviously you'll be wanting to look 🤑 Jac: I won't make you do Brown Thomas Jac: but could we do Powerscourt? Jac: 🥺 Amelia: you can't make me do anything anymore but because you've made such a convincing argument with 🥺 yeah we can Jac: Oh that's right Jac: we're both better people now Jac: I still love Powerscourt though Amelia: I don't want you to change everything about yourself, that's erasure not improvement Amelia: and I still love how your face lights up when you go there Jac: It is knowing which parts to cut off and which can be salvaged Jac: like 🌹 🥀 Jac: speaking of, the garden flower shop 😍😍 Amelia: like 🖌 too sometimes you want to leave the first brush strokes in and sometimes you don't Amelia: fine, I'll make you a corsage, don't feel like you have to 🥺 I've made a shit load of Christmas wreaths, it'll be a piece of cake Jac: exactly Jac: or what 🖌 stroke is going to be the one that's one too many Jac: or the painting that never seems quite finished Jac: by the way, if you do have to keep living here, please ensure my sister doesn't ruin my room Jac: there was talk of a mural Amelia: 😣 don't! I'm not going to miss any of those dilemmas when I have zero time for 🎨 Amelia: 😂 of course there was Amelia: Oh Jude Jac: Far too busy being Sherlock 🧐 Jac: I think she was just trying to get a rise out of me, so naturally I didn't give anything Jac: but God knows the eyesore I'll come back to Amelia: I'll find out if she was serious or not when I devote my time to spying on the state of your bedroom walls Jac: It can't all be murders at dinner parties Amelia: 💔 Amelia: now you tell me Amelia: I've been channelling Miss Marple all year for nothing Jac: 😅 Jac: she was a bad bitch Amelia: likewise 😎 that was the easy bit Jac: you're such a fool Jac: 😏 Amelia: you gave me another chance, I dread to think what it makes you Jac: what's it about beggars not having much option? Amelia: if you're financially fucked to that level we probably shouldn't go to Powerscourt Jac: Please, all I did was work this past year Jac: school and actual Jac: may as well blow some of it before I'm using it to eat rice every night at uni or whatever Amelia: stop flexing at me, thank you, I don't wish to see it Amelia: or you the return of my 😳 Jac: I don't know what you're talking about 💪 Jac: and I have fond memories of your 😳 too Amelia: past tense not present Amelia: 😎🍦 Jac: not even for old times sake then? Jac: 💔 Amelia: you can't even see me right now and if you're using your imagination there's loads of old times to remind yourself of Jac: but when I do Amelia: I couldn't possibly comment on tomorrow before it has happened Amelia: not a 🔮💎💫 gay, if you recall Jac: so sorry Jac: about your lack of powers Jac: be really good if being gay came with those kinda perks, tbh Amelia: very disappointing Jac: yeah, I'll bring it up with god when I get there, like Amelia: I'll bring it up with 👿 so all bases are covered Amelia: because I was a miracle and I squandered it, or whatever Jac: Hardly Jac: 1. your mum loves the gays and you having a baby will be such a trial she will live for the bonding 2. you've survived to go to uni that's like all they want Amelia: 🎺I feel so accomplished suddenly Jac: yeah, I know, making things sound as harsh as possible is my speciality Jac: but you actually should be Amelia: for what? Jac: Loads of things Jac: mainly getting on your course at the mo though, as that's all we can talk or think about Amelia: it's about picking the right subjects, that's all Amelia: like I said, school is boring but not hard 🧩 Jac: you still did that Jac: and that means you're smart Jac: or it would be both Amelia: you're the only one who didn't believe I had a plan or fuck to give about the future Jac: I was just trying to make sure you didn't give up Amelia: that went well Jac: yeah, I know Jac: okay, it was still rude to say, even if I had good intentions Amelia: you've been ruder, so have I Jac: I'm sure I don't even remember half the shit I said Jac: feel free to regale me with my worst hits if you wanna and I'll try not to kill myself, like Amelia: It's not as if I'd enjoy reliving it either Jac: it'd be alright if you did Amelia: not really Jac: I'm owed a lot worse than squirming for a bit from you Jac: but let's not then, unless you change your mind Jac: works for me Amelia: if I fancy 🎣 I know where you are Jac: I didn't take up old people hobbies too, I'm afraid Amelia: it'd be a bit rude to leave my dad entirely out Amelia: but actually his hobby is just sitting down in different places depending on the ☀☁🌧🌨 Jac: 😂 Jac: can think of worse Amelia: it's an easy one to take up when you get to Edinburgh so you're welcome for the great suggestion Jac: 🤞 there will be no time right Amelia: yeah, there is probably only so much distraction we can stand and we already got to the limit 🌠 Jac: I will have a garden though Jac: and there's the golf course Jac: those are old people adjacent Amelia: of course you'll have a garden Amelia: that's the biggest you incentive I've ever heard Jac: it sold the single bed over the double Jac: along with the more historic building Jac: was used to a single anyway before the basement Amelia: if you're desperate to stretch just go sleep in the 🌳🌼🌹🌷🌻 Jac: 😅 it's Edinburgh, not the Bahamas Amelia: obviously wear clothes Jac: I would manage that without your advice, thank you Jac: didn't go that mental post baby Amelia: I'll knit you a blanket and maybe some kind of onesie, it'll be fine Jac: just so dating really isn't an option 👌 Amelia: maybe if it's tartan the locals will be super into it Jac: nothing more endearing than a bit of mockery 💰🌈 Amelia: no 🌈 don't worry, I haven't fully transformed into my mother Jac: 😏 Amelia: at least you know you're getting a 🛏 Jac: yeah, that is shitty Jac: they famously charge more than any other uni for said rooms so Jac: there's that Amelia: 🤑 Jac: I'm gonna be broke forever 🎻 Amelia: until you straighten up and get that 🤴 Jac: at least some rich royal wannabe Amelia: I'll be a starving artist with no time to pick up a brush Jac: 🕵 Amelia: Miss Marple never solved student debt Amelia: I guess it's up to me Jac: she was a school of life type, aka totally unqualified, just nosy Amelia: and of 'independent means' aka 🤑💰💰 Jac: duh Jac: poor people weren't worth writing about Amelia: how would you know? you don't read any fiction Jac: exactly Jac: I've read the reports Amelia: because they can be trusted any more than the UCC website I'm sure Jac: data to back up the findings is key Jac: be interested to see UCCs Amelia: unlikely they have any Amelia: but I'll ask Jac: may as well get friendly with the staff Jac: start as you mean to go on Amelia: sweet of you to think about getting me a date Amelia: I don't think I'll start there though Jac: if you go for that cliche, like Jac: the fresh start thing we're doing might have to be reconsidered Amelia: I'm really cool with NOT Amelia: falling for your childhood best friend is enough of one Jac: you've read the books, I couldn't possibly comment Amelia: it's usually some 😎 new hs student which your parents have been there and done Jac: Yeah Jac: I don't think the hilarity of the situation escaped them Amelia: it's always really funny to hear about so clearly not Jac: yeah, from an outside POV Jac: having your parents live out a romcom just gives you unattainable and unrealistic expectations Jac: see Jude Amelia: okay, point taken Jac: now beyond unattainable for me Amelia: nothing's unattainable for you Jac: you're sweet Amelia: no, unlike Jude you set goals and work towards achieving them until you have Amelia: if there's something you want, you'll get there Jac: isn't ❤ meant to be beyond all that Jac: not something you can put in the diary or on a vision board, like Amelia: 😍 maybe Amelia: but love takes effort Jac: I don't know Jac: if I'll ever be ready Jac: so for now, it can take a backseat and that's fine Amelia: yeah, I feel the same way Jac: 🕮 Amelia: 🤓 Jac: *🤓🤓 Amelia: when I wear my glasses it's really not that far off Jac: you look cute in your glasses Amelia: 🤥 you do Amelia: I look like a kids book character Jac: what's wrong with that? Amelia: I'm not trying to bring back 👧🏻 Jac: I liked your hair too Amelia: maybe you need new glasses Amelia: I am going to do something different with it for uni though, I just need to decide Jac: you could never take a compliment Jac: 🟥 🟧 🟨 🟩 🟦 🟪 ⬛️ ⬜️? Amelia: I'll pack them all up in my suitcase and take them to Cork in case I don't like it Jac: just don't start with red then Amelia: I'd never get that out Amelia: even more persistent than you with the compliments Jac: your mum would also think the breakdown had begun so Jac: wouldn't Amelia: she hasn't had me sectioned yet, assumedly it'll take more than rebel red or whatever they've called it Jac: 😂 Jac: you know it's someone like Delia coming up with these names Amelia: they should poach my mum off my dad's reception, she has A LOT to say about what 🧵🧶 colours are named Jac: a new career would keep her busy Jac: empty nest is real Amelia: I did consider getting her a pet but if it's too cute, I won't want to leave Jac: you're so soft Amelia: is that another compliment or an insult? Jac: it's an insult, don't worry Jac: no need for 😳 Amelia: okay Jac: she can have one of the dogs Jac: wouldn't miss the one Amelia: and expose my dad's fake allergy? he's worked so hard on that lie Jac: such a move Jac: suddenly LOVES animals now you're gone Jac: I would Amelia: 😣 Jac: maybe I can convince him Jac: add him to my list, like Amelia: because that doesn't sound like you're about to seduce my dad Jac: only so you can have a dog Jac: excuse you Amelia: I don't want one THAT badly Jac: and I don't want your dad at all, tah Amelia: if you did you'd have kissed him instead of Valentina during your attempt to ruin my life or whatever so yeah, I figured Jac: I forgot who that was Jac: even your girlfriend had an 👵 name Amelia: funnily enough that wasn't why I went out with her Jac: Sure Amelia: at least I know she isn't going to Cork or any uni Jac: Colour me surprised Jac: I remember her being stupid Amelia: you barely remembered her name, she didn't make a lasting impression, clearly Jac: duh Jac: wasn't 😍 Amelia: I know Jac: were you Amelia: all the things you could ask me and you go with one about her? Jac: I'm not on a limit of questions, am I? Amelia: I don't know what you're planning on doing later Jac: got that much to say? Amelia: did you want unlimited quick fire questions? Jac: you don't have to answer Jac: but you haven't Amelia: I wasn't 😍 Jac: okay Amelia: it was just uncomplicated Jac: she was Jac: I get it Amelia: because she was blatant about what she wanted and why Jac: yeah Jac: that's what you needed at the time Amelia: no it wasn't Jac: wanted then Amelia: it was a bad idea in a long line of Amelia: the first distraction Jac: it was a better idea than the alternative at the time Amelia: the alternative was being single so no, that would've been a way smarter move Jac: I meant what I started that night Amelia: well yeah, but we're talking about my decisions and I wasn't going to do that Jac: that would've been too smart, I suppose Amelia: me kissing whatever lad you were with at the time would have been literally the opposite of smart Jac: that's not what I mean Amelia: I know what you mean Jac: it's not blame Jac: it would've been smarter for us all Amelia: yeah Jac: alas Amelia: 💔 Jac: you're alright now Jac: pretty sure you led with that Amelia: I wasn't going to lead with the alternative Jac: yeah Jac: Jude did the same Jac: totally thriving, not at all bullshitting Amelia: Oh great, it's been ages since you compared me to your sister, I've really missed it Jac: I can't help it if your approaches are similar and as blatant to see right through Jac: get better Jac: 😉 Amelia: it was your choice to bring it up to annoy me, which you could easily do better at Jac: well I'm not used to being nice Jac: it'll take me a while to be really good at it Amelia: I'm not used to you giving me a sober compliment, we're both trying new things here Jac: I complimented you before Jac: you act like I never did when we were friends Amelia: forever ago then Amelia: when you were nice Jac: rude but fair Jac: I was never that nice, actually Amelia: I remember you being nice to me Jac: ha Jac: you admitted it Amelia: that you were nice to me when we were friends, yeah, it's right there Jac: mhmm Jac: I see it Amelia: if you're about to accuse me of bullshitting, go on Amelia: be brave Jac: why would I? Amelia: I don't know, to be annoying Jac: I'm not trying to be annoying Jac: so nah Amelia: okay Jac: I'm gonna go to that party Amelia: are you telling me because you want me there or as far away as possible? Jac: I'm just telling you because Jac: but no, if I see you there, I won't run Jac: but if you don't wanna see me, there's the warning Amelia: I'm seeing you tomorrow, just you Amelia: why would I need a warning for seeing you at a party Jac: Parties are a trigger Amelia: lots of things are Jac: it might be different Jac: in person Jac: and I've not been to a party since all I did at parties was get blackout at them and not remember much of the rest so Amelia: I won't go if it's going to make it harder for you Jac: no, that's not Jac: I don't even know if I should Jac: like you said, I can't not join in at Uni, that's not what I want Amelia: you have to start somewhere Amelia: and Jess would go with you if you want moral support from someone who isn't me Amelia: because I'm well aware I've never been great at it Jac: people from school SHOULDN'T fawn after him Jac: the whole playing it cool, knew you before you blew up, moment of it all Jac: but still Amelia: yeah, there's probably a lot of things people from school shouldn't do, but that's a different conversation Amelia: and a long one Jac: maybe I can't be bothered Jac: none of the people will be at uni, that'll take away the need to get completely trashed Amelia: right Jac: fuck it Jac: you go Jac: I'll stay home and knit instead Amelia: 😂 Jac: how hard can it be Amelia: you'll see Jac: judgmental 👵 Amelia: a rare 👵 who is willing to let you make up your own mind Jac: alright ✌🌍❤🕊 Amelia: shut up Jac: you'reso woke Jac: 😂 Amelia: I don't know how well you'll knit, that's all Jac: I don't knit Amelia: not yet Jac: your ma has brainwashed you a bit Amelia: that's why I'm going to the party Amelia: to break her control Jac: 👏 Amelia: alright, no need to take the piss Jac: I'm not Amelia: it's a small and bound to be disappointing step, I know Jac: little bit Amelia: but I don't know where else to start so Jac: it's a good idea Amelia: then why doesn't it feel like one? Jac: how was the last one you went to? Amelia: depressing Jac: that's normal, isn't it Jac: parties are Jac: you reckon you're meant to be having the best time ever and you ain't, that's the mood Amelia: it's lonely Jac: yep Amelia: but anyway Jac: we're both totally fine 👌 Amelia: of course Jac: tomorrow though Amelia: send me a message when you're ready to get picked up or something Jac: Sure thing Jac: See you then Amelia: okay Amelia: 👋

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