#just a puddle of pain

[taperwolf]

YouTuber and synthesist Mylar Melodies did a video a few years ago about various uses of a sample and hold module that aren't "making that 1970s computer noise". One of them was running the clock at very high rates and sampling an audio signal, which ends up giving you an audio downsampler.

I didn't have anything that played audio handy when I went to try it, but I did have an old Boss metronome that has a "voice" mode, where it shouts the numbers of the counts — "One! Two! Three! Four!" — and running that through an amplifier and a resonant filter wound up with some interesting audio to chew on. I actually recorded it, but Tumblr is a coward and won't let me include a 15MB, 7 minute clip of an aimless jam session, which, now I consider it, is probably for the best.

#modular synth #eurorack #sample and hold #i should make some shorter clips #but i'm entirely wiped out by the season change #just a puddle of pain

[add1ctedt0you]

Sucker for pain

That's for all the writers who look at jiang cheng and decide to put him through other unimaginable woes. <3 As if his life wasn't rough enough lol.

#Like. Most of wwx fic I have read were like:' everyone should be sorry for wwx and acknowledge his grief to the point of being ooc' #'We just want people to love and protect awu innocent xianxian' #And then there are jc fics where authors are like: ohhhhhhh. The stages of grief are five???? Good. jc is going to expiriece 12 stages #of grief!!!! #You blink and the jc is put through non-con. calamities. deaths. tortures. trauma. rough times. in particular wwx-related-rough-time #authors are like: 'he didn't suffer enough: we'll make him experience every pain and woes known to humankind' #And at the end of the fic jc is almost always like: 'time to get up from this puddle of my own blood and see how jl is doing' #It's wild tbh. I've few theories why this happens lmao #If it wasn't clear: keep it up you all! #*mgifs #*stp #jiang cheng

[preseriesdean]

Kids aren't supposed to hunt. Look what that did for us.

DEAN + CHILDHOOD

#spnedit #deanedit #supernatural #dean winchester #corespnedit #* #*dc #dean #:)))))))))) #I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE TALKING JUST LIKE YOU #when i think about that for too long i liquify into a puddle of pain #selective mutism dean 🤝 me #two gifsets today 😌 #preseries

[zeb-z]

Gillion knowing the curse is taking hold, that he’s dying, unsure if there will be a fix, if they’ll get there in time. Using his time with Jay and Chip asking questions, and offering answers in return, so they at least won’t be caught unprepared if he dies with all the things they wanted to say - and using the opportunity to ask them about the little things. Chip’s favorite flavor, Jay’s favorite animal, what they love and what he loves too. Laying on that table when they make it to Featherbrooke, May Ferrin talking to him like he’s not dying at all, trying to keep him awake, keep him comfortable, and all he can talk about is Chip and Jay. There was nothing more important than imparting their knowledge, no other final words he might have wanted to share, because they are what is most important to him. All the little things that make up who he loves. He thought he was going to die, was dying, and he talked about raspberries, purely for the fact that it’s Chip’s favorite flavor.

#I just. dude #raspberries and raccoons and sea salt and fish #he made puddle into a raccoon for Jay. he talked about raspberries as he was dying. he loves them so much #gillion tidestrider finally facing death and realizing he doesn’t want to die. his friends don’t want him to die. and trying to comfort #his friends through his pain anyways. trying to make it painless for him for once in his life #idk man. the past 30 episodes have just been gods hate letter to gillion tidestrider. for the first night in a long time he can actually #sleep. not in the Pearl. not hiding from Filipe. not suffering the torment nightmares or staying up for weeks at a time. he can just sleep #jrwi riptide 98 #jrwi 98 #gillion tidestrider #z speaks

[dissociativedoe]

do nondisabled people realize how petrifying it is to know that you will walk into an event and most likely be the only visibly disabled person there?

the only one with a mobility aid, communication device, service/guide dog, physical deformity/difference, etc.... you dont even step foot in the door and you already stick out. EVERYBODY stares at you, even the nice, accepting people. are you an attention seeker or someone they should pity? you dont get to make that decision; they already decided the moment they saw you. are you going to be respected, babied, or insulted? or will they completely ignore you because talking to the cripple is too awkward? if youre there with somebody else, are people going to talk to them and ignore you, like youre not capable of interacting with them? is the venue even accessible, or do you get left behind as people move elsewhere? does anyone hang back to walk beside you, keep you company, or are you left to trail along behind them, alone? are you even included in what's going on? what is even the point of being there?

#sorry i have a wedding coming up on friday and im. freaking it #i dont think anybody there has seen me use a mobility aid #i dont want to answer a million questions. im already having a rough go of it #im gonna get to my moms house on thursday and im just gonna collapse onto the floor in a puddle of tears #shes one of the only ppl i can talk to about it... #sorry for being so negative today. im just struggling lately. ill head to bed now #vent #ableism #c slur #txt #disabled #actually disabled #spoonie #chronic illness #chronic pain #chronic fatigue #chronically ill

[bylertruther]

me when i casually watch max just barely escape death in 4x04 with my brain purposely turned all the way off: teehee i love television and moving images<3

me when i forget to turn off my brain and watch that same scene with the knowledge that it is representative of many things including depression survivors guilt and suicide ideation and max says "you're not really here" which can be symbolic of denial and he tells her "oh, but i am, max. i am." bc he is literally trauma personified and her isolating and turning a blind eye to her own misery doesn't make it go away it only makes it fester and kate bush is crooning in the background about switching places if she could while all of her friends are shouting for her to come back down scared out of their minds for her as they all try to figure out a way to save her and she starts seeing all the times she felt truly loved and happy start to flash before her eyes because she doesn't Actually want to die she just wants to be happy like that again and feels like she can't and and and

#jesus fucking christ. #THAT SCENE IS SO........................................ #SHE DOESN'T WANT TO DI E!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHE JUST WANTS THE PAIN TO STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GRRRRRRRR AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #RIPS MY HAIR OUT AND FALLS TO MY KNEES AND TURNS INTO A PUDDLE AND WEEPS AND SOBS AND WAILS AND AND AND

[paintingraves]

House's head/Wilson's heart are the most devastating episodes I've ever watched on any TV show. I'm gonna sue David Shore for emotional damage

#house md #i am a puddle of tears yet again #its just. #pain #pain all over #House pushing himself until he literally dies not once but TWICE in search for answers #everyone walking on eggshells around him and Wilson #the Thirteen side plot #how House cared about Amber #how she cared about Amber #how much she and Wilson loved each other #House's face when Wilson asks him to sacrifice himself #bro. bro #and then the end. #Wilson walking away #House's I dont want to be in pain #I don't want to be miserable #AND I DON'T WANT HIM TO HATE ME

[astrovagrant]

i don't really have a good way to directly demonstrate zari's chronic pain in-game besides a one-off comment now and again but it's something she has Complicated feelings about in general and Extra complicated now that she's "dating" (?) someone who is medically trained and has a primary proficiency in healing magic, so it's something i'm going to try to bring up in the various smaller side-scenes i write out intermittently.

more importantly: if anyone (including her!) ever figures out that she goes limp like a kitten when receiving any kind of gentle physical manipulation (like a massage) it's over for her. she'll simply pass away. goodbye. there's no recovering from that one.

#it's just like. yeah my body's trying to rip itself apart and yes that's just background noise to me and! yes! #i do feel weird and vulnerable! and i don't Want you to take my pain 'away' but the fact that you just Could if you wanted to. if i asked #crazy. crazy crazy crazy. will not be doing that though. to desire an easier more comfortable life is Not Allowed. for reasons? #zari #she's never been treated gently and affectionately and will simultaneously melt into a puddle while also going into paranoia overdrive mode #she has no pathways in her brain for pleasure. she excavated some new ones Very recently for a very specific kind #but other kinds r still alien to her

[craycraybluejay]

bothering absolutely everyone i know to procrastinate writing the thing i really want to write rn

#im not my worst enemy but definitely one of them #look. if i had dilaudid rn we would not have this problem #id be content nestling into the bed and writing about drug abuse while high on my fav #but when im not high i need other stimulation which means bothering ppl and having sex #and occasionally just fucking shit up cuz why not #fight fuck get high the trio of God Im So Bored I Might Explode #nothing keeps me stimulated enough #i like managerial tasks tho getting stuff done contents me a little #i also like to be painfully unfiltered bc that gets the most dramatic reactions #i might be able to filter myself more if i tried but then id get bored enough to die #so yes want to see my creepyass collections? no? r u scared? yay! r u excited? yay me too! #lets party! lets pull a prank! lets get high and do a cuddle puddle! #i love the hate. i love the excitement. i love pain and i love pleasure and i love when my filterlessness makes people lose theirs #oh look at you! that face youre making! pure disgust joy wonder hate something! beautiful! #i love when people get real. #*shaking* LETS STEAL SOMETHING TOGETHER FRIEND! LETS KILL EACH OTHER!

[salsflore]

i thought i would be finally rid of my silly little nye curse.. 💥💥

#negative #ie the day before the new year is always the absolute worst. 2 years ago i was lying on the floor in a #puddle of my own tears as the fireworks went off. i’d never wish this all consuming loneliness on anyone #i opened my phone and realized i had no one to go to. so i cried even harder. how i wish i could hug her #this loneliness claws at my skin & flesh. the pain is so tiresome. my face is itchy from the tears #how i so badly wish to be anyone other than myself right now #my friend promised me she’d countdown with me but she (again) couldn’t even bear to last until christmas #i have absolutely no one to talk to about any of this so i’m just oversharing on tumblr dot com . whatever #i’m cold and i can’t stand it #i just want midnight to come and go. let me sleep. i’m so horribly tired. #💭

[mybrainproblems]

I guess I'm just in a different place mentally vs other rewatches but I'm remembering what it was like to watch House's head/Wilson's heart live and then having to wait until I was back from college for winter vacation to watch dying changes everything and wanting to die, myself.

#s4 & 5x01 make me want to lay down in a puddle #s4 as a whole is more painful on rewatches knowing that amber is going to die bc i just love her so much #hate crimes md #house md

[rohirric-hunter]

Head hurty

#So tired of drinking water #I even have the bottled water that I like and I'm sick of it #What I need is an extremely sus puddle in a rock in the woods with no obvious source and living fish in despite only being 3in deep #Thatd cure me #Unfortunately I dont know where to find such a thing around here #And head hurty too much to go look #I did the math once and you have to take almost two entire large bottles of over the counter ibuprofen before it starts to hurt you #That's for the average adult human it varies per person #And of course some people are quite sensitive to it #I have taken 2 ibuprofen dont read into this #I was just thinking about that because sometimes people judge me for starting with two #But in all the 15 years ive been taking ibuprofen regularly one has literally never made a tangible difference #So about three years ago I started just taking two to start with. Saves time and needless pain #Very occasionally I will go up to 3 but not often #Horse #anyway some people think I'm gonna have liver failure at 26 (I'm 27) but in reality I would have to take almost 2 whole bottles #In under 2 hours too b/c your body metabolizes it fast although the faster you take it the more it builds up #I ran my numbers past a nurse and she said they were reasonable too so there #She did recommend erring on the side of caution with such experiments #But seemed to believe me when I assured her that it was a thought experiment only and I had no intention of taking #*checks notes* 800 ibuprofen in 2 hours #Anyway yeah I know the bottle tells you to not take more than 8 in a 24 hour period #That's so the company can cover their ass in case anyone tries to sue them over dosages #For the record I dont recommend ever taking more than 3 #Find the minimum effective dose and take that #And if its more than 3 probably find a different painkiller. And see a doctor #I might need to take another head still hurty

[b0nelessdoodles]

part one of my dnd sketches from the year~ tbh i still really wanna do the one with morphya and hi 😔

#dungeons and dragons #dnd #dnd character #dnd aarakocra #velsharoon #hi has always been a pain in the ass to draw but im happy he doesn't look too bad in all of these #i can pinpoint why i doodled all of these #the first one was because of a tiktok #the second was because the moon will sing ate my brain and turned me into a puddle of tears #and the third was because the one year since we started that game passed and i wanted to draw hi on his first in game day #soaked in water and stumbling upon tesa's inn #where his fate would be forever changed #the last one i think i was just soft over hi and velsharoons relationship and wanted to doodle them #unfinished 2022

[mayonakano-archive]

👀omg milgram too.. omg👀

who's your favorite /and favorite song ?

i'm gonna be totally transparent i've only heard a few songs and have only watched Muu's first MV so uh. most of what i know of characters is secondhand and i don't even know about most of em </3

Haruka was my favorite!! then the whole. second mv thing happened and like. boy ily but stop. get some help. now its fuuta. he's my pathetic meow meow <3 (i still love haruka tho)

my favorite song is Muu's first one!!! After Pain my beloved <3 I also rlly like Umbilical and Haruka's first one that I can never remember the name of for some reason

#milgram is fascinating to me tho. yuno did nothing wrong methinks #muu has a banger song in after pain tho. my beloved. #fuuta. is such a pathetic meow meow. i want to push him in a puddle and then dry him off. #i do wanna learn more tho i just. a) can't read jp for shit and b) never listen to things ever bc brain don't work </3 #kippy ⚡ #leo.asks!

[stardustanddaffodils]

every time i see s's blog i am dragged back into being mildly to severely obsessed with You Are OK. i see a The Maine lyric that i know... my brain instantly starts blasting the entire album as loud as it can.... you know how it goes

#i see his blog title and i just BREAK DOWN HYSTERIC AND YOUNG UNCOMFORTABLY NUMB THEN YOU SENT MY PAIN INTO OBLIVION I WAS #ON THE VERGE OF BREAKING DOWN THEN YOU CAME AROUND AND NOT A SECOND TOO LATEEEE #sorry i was consumed by the You Are OK for a second. back now ^_^ #(/lyr) #thought puddles #s tag

[sparatus]

OKOKOK I UHHHH MADE MYSELF CRY OVER DESOLAS AGAIN so i’m gonna answer writing prompts tomorrow!! you can still send more overnight if you want i promise i’m not ignoring them i’m just a dumb crybaby stabbing myself too hard in the emotions

#lying in a puddle of tears HE JUST WANTS THE PAIN TO END