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thorin-is-a-cuddler · 2 years

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The thing (part 1)

A/N: In which Bones is running around the Enterprise with a blue eye and Spock’s wondering what happened and why the Captain is blushing when it’s talked about. This is very self-indulgent and while I wrote it, I noticed how hard I ship TOS Spirk, so this is a very unrealistic rollercoaster of pre-slash to slash. I also promised myself not to ever write out of Spock’s perspective, so enjoy me breaking that promise. I feel like this has potential to get a part 2 and maybe even part 3. If anyone would like to read more, let me know. :-)

During lunch break on one of those long days on the Enterprise, Spock had once heard Christine Chapel describe Leonard « Bones » McCoy’s eyes as hypnotically blue. Blue like very few oceans on very few planets, blue like a small bird on earth who hunts for fish, blue like the sky on particularly cloudless days. She’d called it a color of enchanting beauty, enriched only by the warmth and kindness that made them shine brightly.

Undoubtedly, she must have been enchanted by the way this « hypnotizing blue » was brought out even more than usual, when the doctor entered the bridge that very day. All around his right eye, the skin was bruised, a dark blue shadow, almost purple, contrasting and aligning very well with the brighter shade of his iris.

Nyota’s greeting smile dropped almost instantly and even Spock pulled his eyebrow up higher than he normally did, when he set eye on the medic.

« Oh, doctor, » Nyota breathed out in shock, « what, in the galaxy, happened to you? »

Coming to a stop behind the Captain’s chair, McCoy crossed his arms behind his back and turned his face to look at his friend, swinging back and forth slightly on the soles of his boots. Despite the bruise, he did not seem in the least deterred. There was a rather mischievous notion in the way he cocked his head. The smirk on his face was so big it must have hurt the swollen area around his eye socket.

« Yeah, Jim, what happened to me? »

Jim’s reaction was barely noticeable, his flinch so well controlled that some may have overlooked it. Spock on the other hand saw how his shoulders moved up ever so slightly to his ears and the back of his nose took on a darker shade,

Almost sheepishly, the Captain sent his Chief Medical an apologetic frown over his shoulder, his usually so upright pose shrinking.

« You were asking for it.“ He mumbled in response, his gaze quickly flitting back to the screen ahead of him.

Bones raised his brows and slowly placed his hands on the headrest of Jim‘s chair.

„I was asking for it?“ He asked with a growl and suddenly Jim was sweating. His mouth opened in surprise and his eyes grew bigger. The tender blush that had colored his nose was now creeping up his ears.

„Uhm, I- I mean-“

Spock wasn‘t the only one to quirk an eyebrow at the Captain‘s sudden timidness. It wasn‘t an everyday experience that Jim Kirk was embarrassed. Something moved in the approximate area of the Vulcan’s ribs, when he noticed this unusual countenance. He narrowed his eyes at the two of them, McCoy all smugness and playfulness while Jim‘s eyes were fidgeting from left to right. Was he leaning away from McCoy?

„Captain,“ Spock raised his voice, surprised when the bearer of that title flinched and directed a slightly panicked glance at him. He was behaving most illogically. Unless… „Whatever provoked the bruise on the doctor‘s face may have left you bruised as well. Have you received the necessary medical treatment?“

For some reason, McCoy started laughing loudly at that remark as the red color of Jim‘s ears reached the dark shade of purple.

„I- I assure you, Mister Spock, I am completely unharmed.“ The Captain swallowed and tried to smile at Spock, but a sort of hysterical panic turned it into more of a grimace. A strong protective side started to make the Vulcan feel deeply concerned for him.

„Yeah,“ McCoy giggled, „The treatment didn‘t leave any marks.“

„Quit talking in italics!“ Jim hissed, turning around in his chair to send the doctor a look that was at the same time pleading and shy. It was very, very difficult for Spock to understand what was happening in front of him.

He was to the highest degree convinced of the deep affection between the two men. Jim was usually very relaxed around the doctor, more intimate and cheerful than with others from the crew. He also tended to laugh more when McCoy was around. Despite having a smile that human standards would describe as beautiful, Jim didn‘t show it that often outside of his interactions with his best friend. Though Spock was certain that whenever Jim did smile and it was a smile directed at him, it was with a different look on his face.

Before his stomach could start feeling weird and turbulent again, Spock decided to stop thinking about Jim‘s smile for now to focus on the situation at hand. His Captain may be in need of assistance after all.

When the doctor, still grinning, extended a hand towards Jim‘s shoulder with a motion that could only be described as „wiggly“, Spock felt his hand move and before he could stop himself, his fingers were wrapped around the doctor‘s wrist. Loosely. But McCoy‘s grin still disappeared in a flash.

Jim wasn‘t less surprised. Spock‘s arm was so close to his face that the Vulcan could feel the Captain‘s breath through the fabric of his shirt. Bright brown eyes were opened wide, fixed on Spock‘s very tense face. It took everyone a bit of time to readjust to the new situation. Then McCoy started grinning again, a much different implication behind it now, Spock was certain of it, without being able to understand it.

„Oh, come on, Mister Pointy Ears. As if I‘d ever hurt your precious Captain. It was just an accident.“

Spock wasn‘t about to let go off the doctor‘s arm until Jim would make it seem suitable. So his eyes went for a hunt of Jim‘s reaction and again there was this feeling in Spock‘s stomach when he was met with those sparkling brown eyes. It seemed as if the Captain was „star struck“ as some humans tended to say. Spock wasn‘t sure if it was due to his sudden intervention or if it was due to something else. But those sparkling brown eyes were, in his opinion, even more beautiful to look at, than the « hypnotizing blue » ones of McCoy.

The connection broke when Jim started to blink frantically, his tongue poking out between his lips for a moment, before his blush crept back over his features, slower now. He tried to act unimpressed, but it was obvious that it was an act.

„I can still hear the italics, Bones.“

McCoy rolled his eyes with a smile, looked more tense though, the longer Spock didn‘t let go of his arm.

„Jim, would you please tell Spock that I didn‘t try to murder you or somethin’? My arm is getting sore.“

Now it was Jim‘s turn to send the doctor a smirk. „Didn’t you?“

McCoy tilted his head almost menacingly at his Captain and instinctively Spock held on a little tighter, making McCoy hiss and glare at him.

„Spock!“

„If the Captain felt it his duty to turn violent against you, doctor, I need to make sure-“

„Oh, for the love of everything, Spock, I hit him, because he tickled me.“

Interrupted mid-speech, Spock closed his mouth in surprise and let his eyes wander to Jim‘s face again. It was by now colored such a dark shade of purple that Jim seemed to feel the need to hide it behind his hands.

While Uhura and Sulu quickly made an effort of suppressing their smiles, Spock didn‘t know how to react to the new information. He was accustomed with the human act of „tickling“, but he did not know if it justified Jim‘s desire to hurt the doctor. Unsure what to do he let go of the doctor‘s hand but didn‘t back away. He still felt the burning need to protect his… Jim.

Dramatically the doctor rubbed his wrists, but the smirk was back on his face. „Told you it wasn‘t attempted murder, though he sometimes shrieks as if it was.“

„Oh, please, Bones..“ Jim groaned, throwing himself back in his chair with openly displayed embarrassment, his hands still covering parts of his face. Surprisingly, he still seemed to smile behind the barricade.

Spock was deeply confused. His Captain looked what humans would name „adorable“, seemed not to have been too averse to the tickling he had undergone, but still had caused such a bruise in the doctor‘s face.

Jim peeked at him through his fingers and laughed tiredly. Despite still being deeply red, he leaned in closer to Spock and said. „You know, it‘s not uncommon for people to get hurt during… tickling. It simply leads to the desire to defend oneself. Even if you don’t really want it to en-“

Jim‘s voice suddenly died in his throat and his eyes turned huge again. As if he’d said too much. As if he was fearing he’d revealed delicate information.

Spock raised his brow in surprise to the sudden interruption and blinked at his frozen Captain, before changing directions to check for the doctor’s reaction. McCoy was snickering quietly, shaking his head and crossing his arms in front of his chest. „Well, now you got into this situation all by yourself. I didn‘t say anything.“

„Bones!“ Jim groaned, his hand over his eyes again. McCoy seemed to turn a little softer at that and leaned over the Captain’s chair, his arms crossed over the headrest. Spock was surprised to see that the doctor was speaking directly to him.

« You can stop looking so worried, Spock. I tickled Jim, he tried to fight me off like any human being would and ended up hitting me in the face. That’s the whole story. »

Jim took the hand away from his eyes with a sigh and looked defeated. He usually looked like that when he accepted something he couldn’t change anymore.

But Spock was still confused. « But… why were you even tickling him? » He asked, surprised to find yet again a turbulent reaction within his organism as a part of him indulged in imagining the Captain laughing freely during such an ordeal. He gulped, but knew he could keep his internal reaction away from reaching his face.

« Alright! » Jim said, standing up from his seat and clapping in his hands, while McCoy stood behind him smirking. « I guess that’s enough chitty-chat for now. Back to work. All of you! »

Spock’s question was left unanswered. But he could tell that the answer was important. Too important to give it in front of the crew.

He went back to his seat and tried not to think about Jim laughing at the touch of his hands, surprised that it was so hard for him to focus all of a sudden.

——————————-

«Why not tell him? »

« Bones! »

« For someone who hates when I talk in italics, you do it quite frequently. »

"I don’t see why think you this is a good idea. »

"Easy. He’s in love with you. You’re in love with him. And you probably can’t imagine anything better than getting tickled by him. «

"Bones! Are you actively trying to kill me?!"

"I admit that I love to embarrass you with this, but occasionally, I’m also trying to help you. »

"It’s not helpful to suggest that he could possibly be in love with me and that he would ever feel comfortable enough with doing the thing to me. »

"Really, Jim, at this point, you’re only trying to get on my nerves with this, aren’t you? »

"Can we please drop the italics debate? »

"Only if you stop calling tickling the thing. »

"You know I hate to say the actual word. »

"I do, but it’s adorable how your body moves when you have to say it. »

"*sigh* »

"Honestly, you pronounce it like a twelve year old who’s supposed to say se- »

"I get it. I’m weird. And ridiculous. »

"We’re all weird and ridiculous. It’s one of the best things about us. »

"… »

"Jim, I think it’s lovely that this is a part of you and that you feel comfortable enough with me to talk about it. I know it was hard for you to get to this point. But, considering what you’re feeling for Spock, I think the outcome of the effort would be even better there. »

« … »

« Oh, look, you can still smile. »

« Shut up. »

« Even a Vulcan heart must melt at a sight like this. »

« You’re so embarrassing! »

« Spock is so much stronger than you are. Imagine how helpless you’d be when he tickles you. »

« STOP!! You’re the worst person ever!! »

« Oh, sorry, did that fluster you? »

« Bones, I’m begging you… »

« Do you sometimes regret that you told me about your little secret? »

« I regret telling you anything really. »

« I bet you won’t any longer, when I do this! »

« NO!! Nohooho, go away!! Bohoohnes! I don’t want to hhiihit you again!!! »

« Then don’t! »

« Bhoohohoohnes!!! »

Spock moved away from the door with a heartbeat so fast he was worried about his health condition for a moment. The door to Jim’s room hadn’t opened, like it usually did when anyone neared it. He had hesitated for a second, surprised to find it locked. Then he had started hearing the conversation and to his shame, he hadn’t left. Now he was in the possession of information that was quite overwhelming. So many strange emotions were trying to make themselves felt within him. Yet, he knew not how to deal with them.

Jim was in love with him. Jim was shy about it. Jim liked tickling more than most people did. Jim wanted him to do it to him.

Spock’s head was spinning.

He realized he was smiling when a passing crewman looked at him in shock.

———————————-

« Captain? »

« Mister Spock, come in. » Jim looked up from the screen he’d been reading a Star Fleet document on, his brown eyes sparkling, his special smile appearing, the one that seemed reserved only for Spock.

The incident with McCoy’s blue eye had happened three weeks prior and the dark shade around the doctor’s eye had turned brighter and brighter until barely being visible anymore.

Yet the mark the conversation between the doctor and the Captain had left on Spock’s heart hadn’t faded in the least. He’d been uncharacteristically confused these last weeks, to the degree where Nyota had asked him if everything was all right. It certainly was. It was so all right that Spock had issues dealing with it.

Was it okay that he wanted to touch the Captain? That he wanted to be close to him, with his heart, with his body, with his turbulent, strange feelings?

Quietly he stood in the Captain’s room and stared at the floor.

How best to go about this?

He had no right to get this close to his Captain. No right at all.

« Mister Spock? »

Jim’s brown eyes were filled with question marks. They were unintentionally mirroring Spock’s inner monologue. How to go about this? How to go about this? How to-

« Sir, I want to offer my services. »

Jim tilted his head slightly, eyebrows lifting in amusement. Spock felt the urge to smile, but as he usually did, he suppressed it. He’d have to work on that. Smiling was good around Jim. Smiling was good when the other person loved you. It wasn’t something to be ashamed of. And Jim loved him. Jim really loved him.

« Your services, Officer? »

Spock’s head started spinning again, but he tried to suppress at least that. He cleared his throat and crossed his uncommonly burning hands behind his back. Was this a side effect of being nervous? « Yes, Sir. » He eventually managed to answer, focussing on the reason he came here in the first place. « In case you need anything. »

Jim’s expression changed ever so slightly. He narrowed his eyes at him. « What would you suggest, Mister Spock? »

« Sir, I know this may come as a surprise to you, but I believe that… »

Jim’s brown eyes were looking at him almost fearfully, dripping with the color of honey. The one they’d found on the last planet they’d visited. Spock had thought to himself then how much the gold liquid resembled his Captain’s eyes, an unexpected inspiration for his lonely hours. He hoped that maybe someday, he would be able to give Jim the poem he’d written on it. A very logical alexandrine.

« Spock? You believe… what? »

Jim was getting up from his chair. Painfully slow. He was a beautiful man, not only by human standards. No, he was beautiful simply by Spock standards and Spock would try and allow to feel the effect his beauty had on him. The way he wanted to reach out to him. The way he wanted to pull him close, enchanted by the fact that Jim was shorter. The way he wanted to commit.

« I believe that, » Spock hesitated yet again, but forced himself to take a step closer to his Captain, despite his heart hammering in his side. « I believe that I want you to confide in me. Sir. »

« Quit it. » Surprised, Spock heard how breathless his Captain sounded all of a sudden. His eyes were widened. His face almost pale. « Don’t Sir me right now. »

« Jim. » He was quick to offer. Quietly, fondly. His own breath hitched in his throat when the other man took a step closer to him as well. There wasn’t a lot of distance between them anymore. If he were to reach out his hand, he could have brushed Jim’s chest.

« Confide in you, you say? »

So beautiful. No one else looked like this to Spock. No one else made him feel the way he did. No one else made him feel so much.

« Confide in me. »

Now Jim allowed himself a breathless little chuckle. Spock tried to allow the corners of his lips to twitch. He believed it worked, because Jim got even closer now, close enough to be uncommonly close.

« Is that Vulcan slang for… something particular? » More breathless chuckles and he tilted his head to the side in a fashion that was only describable as adorable.

Taking a deep breath, Spock raised his hand and gently, fearfully placed it on Jim’s elbow. A touch so delicate it was almost weightless. The smile on Jim’s face turned into something even Jim didn’t seem to fully comprehend. An emotional expression of hope, but also pain, relief and sadness, combined with a joy so deep that it remained calm.

« It is me asking. No Vulcan. No human. No one but Spock. I’m asking you, Capt- Jim! Despite all of my failings, all of my inabilities, I- »

« There are no such things to me, Spock. » Jim said loud and clear, a calm kindness to his words. The solemn sound of his voice raised the hair on Spock’s arms. « Only one at the moment. »

Scared, Spock raised his eyes from Jim’s chest to his eyes. Honey. Rare and beautiful. Delicate and sweet. Jim’s chest got so close to his own that he could feel the heat radiating from it. A hand cupped his cheek. Somehow Spock managed to keep standing upright.

« What is it? » He whispered, wishing for nothing else but to melt into Jim, to become one with him.

« I don’t feel you kissing me. »

A shy, happy smile graced Jim’s lips before Spock followed suit. The touch was so soft and gentle, so warm, so filled up with dedication that Spock could feel the sensation buzz until the ends of his hair. When Jim moved in even closer, a hand on the small of Spock’s back and a smile noticeable through the touch of their lips, Spock did the only thing his system managed to do in that moment. He fainted.

————————————-

He woke up and immediately felt the softness he could still taste on his lips be replaced with a hard smack on his cheek. Gasping, he quickly sat upright only to see the huge brown eyes of his Captain, of his T’hy’la (at least he was pretty convinced of that) look at him in bewilderment.

« Spock? »

Spock looked down at himself then back at Jim, then at the room, then at the position he was currently in - on the floor, a pillow where his head had been positioned. He decided to start looking at the Captain again, at his lips and his attentive, concerned expression.

« Are you alright? »

« Certainly, Jim. Let’s continue. » He hesitated for a moment, then raised his hands to Jim’s cheeks and leaned in closer for more of those exquisite kisses. But Jim’s lips weren’t meeting his, instead busying themselves with laughing all of a sudden. The Captain of the Enterprise tilted his head down a little and gave Spock this beautifully sparkling glow from his eyes.

Spock waited, looked, marveled. « Are you laughing at me, Captain? »

Jim apparently thought this to be even funnier, laughing louder, his head coming close to Spock’s, gently touching their foreheads together.

« I can’t believe you just fainted because we were kissing. Only to keep going as if nothing has happened. »

« I am unharmed. »

Jim was basically shaking with laughter, his head still cupped in Spock’s hands. « I know. » He cupped Spock’s face as well, their noses brushing together. « I am very relieved about that. » The chuckles were audible in Jim’s voice and suddenly Spock remembered all the daydreams he’d found himself having these past weeks, dreams of Jim laughing at his touch, delighted by a ticklish sensation, craving it just as much as Spock was craving his kiss. He raised a brow, a grin spreading on his lips almost naturally now, without Spock even noticing it form. He judged this to be a good development for his Vulcan side.

« Jim? »

« Yes, Officer? »

Spock was surprised how much Jim’s voice, all seductive and gentle, combined with his title were moving his inside around. He felt a sort of anticipation at the idea of feeling like this with Jim more often now.

« Would you like to laugh some more? »

Jim’s glowing delight changed slightly. He still seemed radiant, but now more of the trembling kind. « You’re suggesting…? »

« You don’t have to say the word if you don’t want to. » Spock was quick to add, making Jim move his face away from Spock’s ever so slightly. With narrowed eyes he looked up and down Spock’s face, apparently torn between his embarrassment and a specific kind of excitement, between confusion about Spock knowing and relief for that same reason. Spock gently moved his thumbs over Jim’s cheeks. His skin was a new wonderland of sensations for Spock’s hands. « Ever since Doctor McCoy had that bruise on his eye, » Jim blushed a little at the mention of this incident, « I have been wishing to try this thing on you. I have found myself imagining what it would be like. I think it is logical to state that you may… like it. »

Jim stared at him as if he was the one who was about to faint now. Instead, he took a deep breath and opened his mouth to speak, but no sound followed. Spock narrowed his eyes at his attempts to speak and figured that it still wasn’t easy for Jim to approach the subject. Gently he pulled his face closer to his own again. « I don’t need to know anything else at the moment. Only if you wish me to proceed. »

Jim was speechless for a few more seconds. Then he closed his eyes and carefully kissed Spock on the lips. It was a very tender kiss and Spock was certain that it could have moved him to tears had he been more experienced with feeling his emotions. The parting of their lips was accompanied by a soft smacking noise. Jim’s eyes searched his, before he gave a timid nod. So Spock moved to wrap his arms around his Captain’s lower back and the back of his knees to lift him off the ground which surprised the other man enough to make him yelp and blush. His arms wrapped around Spock’s neck, his eyes still huge with amazement. Spock, too, could still not quite comprehend how everything between them had changed within seconds.

He smiled at Jim’s tense reaction to being carried and decided to keep lifting him off the ground like that in the future. Was that… mischief taking mental notes in his mind? He pushed the thought to the side for now, carefully placing Jim on his bed and taking a seat next to him.

Jim blinked at him with those huge eyes and seemed more nervous than Spock had ever seen him before. It made him consider the word « adorable » again. He smiled - his face was already getting sore - and waited for Jim’s next move.

Surprisingly, Jim remained silent, merely placed a warm hand on Spock’s neck and pulled him closer, animating Spock to leave his sitting position and climb up on the mattress. They were face to face with each other, Spock waiting to be guided, surprising himself with his sudden calmness. Jim’s hand was barely trembling on the skin of his neck. Still, it was enough to give Spock the idea to get even closer to him, carefully putting his hands on either side of Jim’s face, hesitating to swing his leg over his hips.

Jim’s hand moved to the back of his thigh and pulled slightly, trying to persuade Spock to go through with it and sit down on top of him. Now it was Spock’s turn to tremble slightly. Being this close to Jim made his insides explode with new sensations.

He tried to calm his breathing which got easier when Jim huffed a timid little smile, moving his hands in a nervous way. « I’m sorry if I’m being strange, I- I- just… »

« No, » Spock was quick to answer, quietly, carefully, « You are wonderful. »

Jim gulped visibly, his eyes turning emotive in a way Spock wished he’d be able to mimic. « So are you! » He moved his arms around Spock’s back and gently pulled him down, chest to chest, their hearts beating as one. Trying to wrap his arms around Jim as well, Spock’s fingers dug into Jim’s ribs unintentionally. His gasped laugh reminded Spock of what they had moved here to do. Quirking a brow he looked at Jim’s glowing face and smiled a small smile.

« Should I apologize for that? » He asked, his voice deeper than usual, even in his own ears. Apparently this was sending a little shiver down Jim’s body. How endearing.

« Never, » he breathed out and combined their lips in a kiss.

It was a careful start. Their kisses interrupted by Jim’s quiet chuckles and gasps as Spock’s fingers tenderly searched his body for weak points, learned how to align to the shape of Jim’s body, to every tender stripe of skin and every protruding bone.

In its innocence, it was most pleasing and neither of them would have wished the afternoon to pass differently.

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