#ive had a blast tho !

[sweeteastart]

To celebrate the first year of it, here's a cosplay I did of witch Namimé !!

The design was made by @mintmoth and I managed to finish it for a convention that took place in my town !

#Debated for a whole year before posting it on here #it was my second cosplay after Xion so it was quite a challenge ahah #ive had a blast tho ! #I hope to wear it again soon #kingdom hearts #kh #sweeteastart #cosplay #cosplayer #kh cosplay #kingdom hearts cosplay #kingdom Hearts cosplayer #namine kh #namine kingdom hearts #kingdom hearts namine #namine #Sweeteastcosplay #Sweet kh art

[constantvariations]

I remember someone saying "there's no such thing as a good racism allegory" and it's been bouncing around in my head for a while. I'm someone who typically thinks anything can work if given the right circumstances, but then I really started thinking about it and I believe they're right

Because if you want to talk about racism, you should just talk about racism

(This is unpolished and ramble-y, so strap yourselves in)

Racism is deeply ingrained into our society, no matter where you live. Imperialism and colonialism has ensured that no corner of Earth has been left untouched. Choices from hundreds of years ago are still being felt today. There's practically no end to the discussion of its effects on the world and its people

So, why should anyone feel the need to dress it up in cat ears?

I've consumed a lot of media where writers have consciously echoed in part some aspect of racism in their fantasy story: Bright 2017, Dragon Age, RWBY, the MCU, Harry Potter, Detroit: Become Human, etc. The biggest thing they have in common is that the narrative is told to side with the victims, but it somehow always ends up against them

It always sides with the status quo

It's confusing, maddening even, because the narrative oft goes out of its way to show how horrible the system is and how these folk don't deserve their treatment, so why are we going back to normal as if it's a good thing? Why are the people actively working to improve the system decried as annoying at best and monstrous at worst?

Then you look at the people who write these storylines. The beliefs they hold, the people they vote for, which charities and organizations they give to, and it all makes sense. Centrists (at best) trying to look progressive are the ones who need to dress racism up in cat ears and rainbow freckles. They set aside the long, brutal histories and crushing systemic realities to play pretend that racism is Not That Bad and is only done by Those Bad Individuals

That's why Velvet's ears are tugged instead of culled. That's why the Mantle drunkards say mean things to Blake instead of attempting to assault her. That's why everything surrounding the SDC's labor practices is so vague as to be useless while the biggest evidence of their malice is hand-waved away by a writer who says the victim "had it coming" as if someone can deserve being branded by being too much of a brat

These stories aren't meant to make the audience question why our society works off the bloodied backs of the exploited or demands we take good, hard looks at ourselves and how we've been duped into believing so much garbage about entire swathes of people. They're meant to satisfy the people who only feel bad that these things are happening because they (white folk) look like the bad guys. It's a self-congratulatory wank about how "I'm not like THOSE guys, therefore I'm a good person!"

And then there's the characters meant to convey this story in the first place: always inoffensive, mostly aimless, "not like the other girl" types that pander to that delicate palate. Blake - a conventionally attractive, pale skinned girl in fashionable clothes - used to be passionate about equality but only in the right way, and demonizes anyone who does not conform to this mindset despite having no reasoning to back it up while never once demanding better of the privileged people around her even when they do racially insensitive things

The biggest downfall of these racial allegories, be they about cat girls or orcs or elves or robots, is that they do something that marginalized folk have been forced to endure since the dawn of time: literal dehumanization. There are tangible differences between humans and whatever the allegory is, which undermines the very fundamental fact that black/asian/queer/neurodivergent/disabled/whatever folk are unapologetically, undeniably, exceedingly human. By dressing up their plights in cat ears or spottled blue skin, you're creating theater not for the people who actually live through these struggles as a means of connecting with them and providing them a safe outlet for their feelings, but giving the people who benefit from passively allowing the system to enforce said struggles a pat on the head for not being the grand wizard

I don't really know where I'm going or how to end this, so I'll just sign off with if you're going to talk about racism, just talk about racism

#rwde #like i said this is pretty all over the place bc i know what im Feeling but not how to word it yknow? so hopefully i got it somewhat across #i am whiter than sour cream tho so if i got anything wrong DO NOT HESITATE to blast me like team rocket #this did get me thinking abt star trek specifically the ep w the dudes who are black on one side and white on the other #and they hate each other because the colors are on different sides #that might be an okay allegory since its so on the nose its dancing on your sinuses #but its not my place to say one way or another so who knows #ive only seen people play detroit but holy fuck david cage should be tossed into a pit for that absolute nonsense #this dude had robots standing in the back of busses and quoting mlk jr but had the audacity to claim it wasnt the 60s civil rights allegory #this is just a really weird thing to happen over and over again #can they just not connect w people of color or whatever their target allegory is? #its almost always black folk tho james camerons avatar had LoAdS of fun w that indigenous parody #and theres like. never any sensitivity readers to double check this shit or the target group actually doing the writing #who said 'white people love talking about race as if they got something to say'? bc that should be the slogan for every one of these deals #yeehaw ig :?

[vriskakinnieaynrand]

I repeat my pete burns' reincarnation's evil twin accusation towards you

one must aspire, you understand

#wdnt get that much plastic surgery tho #ive never had a cosmetic proceduee of any kind lol #will prob get sth pierced when i know ill never have to return to the beltways blast radius again. god i hate this fucking place

[theygender]

Man getting old sucks. You finally get to the point where you want to do shit like deep clean the bathroom and you're looking forward to the day when you'll finally have time to get it done and then once you do finally get a chance to do it you throw your back out cleaning the tub. A cruel irony from whoever is in charge of my spine

#i got this new scrubber brush set and i was SO excited to use it #it has three detachable brush heads. one thats bristled for getting in between grout/cracks #one thats kinda like a scouring pad for cleaning off soap scum #and one thats just a regular sponge for polishing the shiny bits #it finally came in and i was rly excited to get to use it but i just had to wait until i had time #finally had time this weekend and i had a fucking BLAST. our tub/shower has probably never been so clean #im really glad i got to do that and i feel really proud of how good it looks #but now this morning i woke up with severe back pain and ibuprofen is only helping slightly ;-; #almost called in to work it was so bad but i think i can sit at my desk with a heating pad #ive got a chiropractor appointment today tho (had to reschedule my last one) so hopefully thatll help #just sucks that now that i finally WANT to clean my body can no longer handle it as well lol... #start out being able to clean but not wanting to and end up wanting to clean but not being able to 😔 #rambling

[youredreamingofroo]

when in doubt, play far cry 5 🫡

#yeah i missed this game. from the banjo ass main menu ost to the sound effects that manage to scare the shit outta me no matter- #-how low i turn my volume down #blasting some music over top of this game is peak especially now that ive already played it once and dont need to listen to dialogue #i used to play music over the game whenever i was driving in a car cuz i had already heard every song on the radio at least twice #might try to do a solo playthru with no GFHs. i love sharkie and nick but i play almost EXCLUSIVELY stealth #and both of them are ANYTHING BUT STEALTH 😭😭 i mainly had them just for their silly dialogue together #yapping #Varooity : FC5 #Varooity #< adding tags JUSSTTT in case I decide to start posting- I wont change my varooity page just yet tho

[elytrafemme]

ten minute countdown to my mental health meeting oh boy

#this shit has gotta take 5 minutes #on the brightside i had such an okay day yesterday that like #even if i was stressed. that shit is NOT on the mind rn #like i am joyous etc etc. so this is going to be easy as fuck #but like idk ive never heard of an actual CHECK IN with a PERSON before so im a little like. what did i do... #i havent even told anybody i know what the problem is yet how could a stranger figure it out LOL #whatever. today is going to be long and arduous But this is abt to be funny i feel #there might be a dog in the mtng room tho (WHICH IS JUST MY RA'S ROOM. LIKEHIS LITERAL ROOM) #and while dogs are so kind etc etc i am Afraid Of Them For Lore Reasons #so like that might lowk be a problem. idk. i hope he blasts dua lipa during it like he usually does #i didnt even know he lived on this floor LMFAO

[zystarsun]

some more character stuff. first one is @staribon's oc dixie who i drew for their birthday a while ago! and @sunshades' oc honey is the ginger! i love them both sm. the last one is kyoko she's a new oc of mine c:

#zy art #digital art #character art #oc #honey #dixie #bust #i genuinely had such a blast making these like i played around with a lot for all of them #honey's fire mirror might be the best thing ive ever rendered tho

[orcelito]

Great to know my mind can still break by someone standing a Little too close to me for a Little too long

#speculation nation #im fine but i had to flee lab bc lmao #feeling like a small prey animal bc ppl kept getting too close to me and that is. bad. #what i need is to hole up in a small solitary place with music blasting. i dont really have that here. #gonna go do some stuff at work tho and i may have to take a like 15 min solitude sit in storage to set my mind right #i wasnt making any progress in lab anyways. this isnt due for another few weeks so it's fine. #ykno id like to blame covid for my neurotic prey animal reaction to ppl getting close to me but nah #ive been like this since Long before that. but it certainly didnt help anything :) #in fact the public commitment (for the most part) to social distancing helped this anxiety quite a bit #but now no one is scared of covid anymore which means they get too close to me and i end up like a neurotic prey animal. woo. #too many voices talking too many people in a small area even my music wasnt helping bc i was still Aware of them #hell. hell world. hellllll world. #i hate small lab spaces oh my god. #anyways off to work with me 🙂👍

[foreverxdaydreaming]

if you know any of these, i respect you and your taste dearly... but also, how hard is that nostalgia hitting you rn? pretty bittersweet, eh?

#jj.jpg #my post #jj.mp3 #been dancing to and blasting a fuck ton of songs and just had to let the feels out somewhere #cause holy mother of fuck where has the time gone fr 😭 #not me coming back once a month ish to post 3 pics and dip again im sorry yall #genuinely been work and friends and/or being sick or taking care of a relative who is.. a bitch can just never catch a break lol #but on the bright side ive been more social lately & i feel like even tho it has its swings and i have my days.. i do feel a lil bit better #between forcing myself back out there and getting back into therapy last year.. holy mother of fuck have i seen the difference.. #now just hoping my seasonal bullshit (summer for whatever reason... i blame cancer season ngl but anyway-) doesn't fuck over all progress #hajjdjjff but anyway that's more than enough tag rambling #hope you've all been well; best wishes for yourselves and all your loved ones #take care and until next tiimeee xo <3333 #psst...ik u see the notifs..... don't fuckin mention it---

[pyropelove413]

A good bday day 💛

#tz talks #not quite over but its been nice #friend was over and we had such a blast!! aaaa why must time #i wish it couldve lasted longer #ive been in such a funk lately + today was so nice i might cry #miss you already + i love you + i appreciate you + i wish you nothing but happiness #= what i wish i was brave enough to say #telling people how much i care them is difficult sometimes #sigh (': #good day tho <3 #chica

[lesboslibra]

Went to honestly one of the best shows Ive been to in a MINUTE tonight, fucking love escape from the zoo and all the other bands that played, I spent the rest of my money on merch but I don't even care it was that good

#im tired of the la clowncore shit its just not for me #this was the first punk feeling show ive been to in a minute imo #the others were punk shows but they didnt feel the same #idk what it is exactly or how to express it without sounding gatekeepy #the other stuff is fine but i like THIS #so much great energy in the pit and people screaming lyrics together and it was just a blast #wish rae couldve been here for it i think she wouldve had fun even tho shes not a big eftz fan

[envymourn]

He came thru with some serious heat but it never lasts long

#probably the best crack ive had in yrs #just had a hoot - blasted me for a whole 3 mins !@ #😒😒😒 not wrth it #it was better than my old plugs shit tho thats 4sure

[cj-kenobi]

"how was your trip?"

how wasn't my trip good fucking lord

#just had the most exciting intriguing and stressful week of my life #ive been earning the fact my initials spell cpr for sure man #didnt actually have to do any tho thankfully #anyways yea roadtrips are a fucking blast

[extervus]

Yes I WOULD like a coconut from the grocery store thank. you very much

#shut up max #hm somehow ive been getting worse like fatigue wise and mental fog wise #maybe its just the natural progression of covid and that means the initial sickness is genuinely waning but like #i really hope this medicine they have me on continues to be all they say it is #definitely worked the day i started it plus yesterday. tho yesterday i started feeling fatigued too but not NEARLY as bad as today #honestly i think if we factor out the initial super high fever plus other awful symptoms i think im more fatigued today than Sunday #or Monday #anyways food isnt really appetizing to me rn but i must try to eat so i had someone get some fruit for me #also a large frozen baja blast #my friends were talking about the new love death and robots in the group chat so im gonna watch that while eating some fruits #trying 2 stay positive

[smoft-demons]

What if pacts gave you spells

I’ve had another idea!!

Demons in this setting are pretty fuckin magic. MC as well, has some funny magic going on in the late game iirc. What if the magic started showing up sooner, specifically because of the pacts?? What if the avatars have specific themed abilities and you get powered down versions of those powers through the pact? Ive been having Ideas about it!!

In pact order:

_______

Mammon is the avatar of greed. Money and stuff is his thing. So I think his pact, at a low level, should give you a heat metal spell. I imagine HE has a summon-molten-metal ability that he can use in combat, because that’d be awesome. It’d be a real no holds barred type of move, because like,, being burned to death in molten metal is a REAL brutal way to go. He’s a demon tho. I think it would make some sense for him to be able to do it.

Gravity magic also makes sense for Mammon. Black holes be greedy. The vibe seems right. The dunamancy spell Ravenous Void is pretty much what I’m thinking.

Mammon’s really fast too. So maybe he can give you haste, longstrider, misty step… maybe blink.

Another thing in Mammon’s wheelhouse is gambling. Luck, stacking chances in your favour and all that. So let’s have him give you something like silvery barbs too. Something that lets you skew chance in your favour when you need to.

I’d say the list of spells you get from him goes like: heat metal and longstrider at first. Then you get stronger after season 1, and you get misty step, something along the lines of silvery barbs, and haste (to make others faster I think is a higher level thing than making yourself faster). When you’re MUCH stronger, you get ravenous void. Maybe you get a weaker version earlier.

No matter what tho, no one’s version of that black hole spell is stronger than Mammon’s.

_______

Then you pact with Leviathan. He’s a sea serpent, and he’s the grand admiral of hell’s navy. I’d imagine he’s crazy good with navigation and has a sea monster form, on top of the other abilities he canonically has (summoning Lotan, making floods, etc)

I’d say Levi’s pact gives you: create water, find familiar (because Lotan), breathing underwater and some magical ability that helps you not get lost. At a higher level, you get to summon a powerful water elemental. Maybe even a wildshape-esque ability that is specifically for turning into a sea serpent.

I would also say it’s Levi’s pact that gives you darkvision. You really need it if you’re going in deep water. Also, if ANYONE of these seven can give you the classic warlock spell Eldritch blast, it’d be Levi. It’s not very high level, you can have it early on.

_______

Beel’s gluttony, and honestly black holes fit him too. But I think that’s such an absurdly OP thing that it HAS to go to Mammon.

Beel is also a tank. He’s a protector. He’s real strong and resilient and he’s the type to purposely take damage in order to save someone he loves from having to. In the game he makes the pact with the implication that he wants you to have it so he can protect you next time. So I think he wouldn’t WANT to encourage his human to do the same tank thing as him, but still I think his pact would help you do that. It would just make you stronger and more durable I think.

That bit is less a spell and more an ability score increase. Raises your strength and constitution.

Of the actual spells tho, there’s gotta be something abjuration. Some magic shield spell kind of thing. Also, obviously some way to create food. Maybe when you’re stronger you get hero’s feast. Some way to summon a swarm of locusts is on theme for Beel. Also, his telepathic connection with Belphie makes me think of message.

I think Beel wants you to have feather fall. I think that might be one of his first priorities.

So his list would go: feather fall, some magic shield, message, and the constitution increase. Then at a higher level, the strength increase, summon locusts, and create/summon food. Even higher, hero’s feast or something like it…

The summoning food spells is not really a thing I think Beel can do/an ability he can share through the pact, but I think he deserves to be able to give you that. He would just like to be able to do that. Why not let him.

_______

Next pact is Asmo. The most obvious thing for him is a charisma buff.

Then in terms of spells, suggestion makes a lot of sense. So does friends, disguise self, vicious mockery, and minor illusion. Later on, mass suggestion and crown of madness.

He’s not usually the very aggressive sort, though of course I don’t put violence past him at all. Bloodlust is still lust, after all. Passion is kinda his whole domain. No, Asmo is VERY capable of violence I’m sure, he just doesn’t indulge in it often because he likes his pristine image and others’ tendencies to underestimate him far more.

With that in mind, maybe some kind of slow acting necromantic curse makes sense for the offensive move he’d give you. Some way to magically give someone a dose of venom in their veins just by touching them.

Canonically in the game Asmo basically uses dominate beast (on Henry 1.0 in the catacombs under the demon king’s castle) but I can’t help but associate that more with Lucifer (because Cerberus) so I kind of want to give it to him instead… but Asmo literally DID it so…

I think Asmo’s list goes: suggestion, vicious mockery, friends, disguise self. Then the charisma increase, casting illusions (minor or otherwise), and crown of madness. Then mass suggestion, dominate beast, and the venom spell. That seems right.

_______

Then it’s Satan’s turn.

Ok so the most obvious thing for him as the avatar of wrath is giving you a whole ass level in barbarian. The rage ability. And like,, that works, but like… doesn’t super match his personality. Controlling his wrath is more what he seems to care about.

If the spells he can give you are chosen by him, then I think you’d get comprehend languages, speak with animals, legend lore, that kind of thing.

But if it’s not his choice, then the ability to rage. In terms of spells, stuff like blight, finger of death, fireball, meteor swarm, disintegrate. Dramatically destructive kind of thing.

I’m gonna say it’s probably somewhere in between. You don’t get rage or disintegrate from him, nor all the best of the curious nerd spells. But you DO get: prestidigitation (can start fires OR quickly clean messes, up to you, be smart and crafty to get the most out of it), comprehend languages, firebolt. Later, you get fireball (upgrade for firebolt!) blight, and lets say something electric. Like, being able to electrocute someone by grabbing them.

_______

Now for Belphie!

I can’t help but think of him less in D&D terms and more like,, psychic type Pokémon. That just seems like the right vibe for him.

I wanna say you’d get two necromancy spells after the whole lesson 16 thing—specifically, toll the dead and chill touch. The vibes of toll the dead just seem fitting for some reason, and come ON, chill touch couldn’t possibly be more perfect! It makes a spectral, skeletal hand that clings to your target (around their neck maybe?) to (and I quote!) “assail it with the chill of the grave” which deals necrotic damage and delays healing. It’s PERFECT, okay, except for… it doesn’t make any sense to get those from the pact with Belphie. They have nothing to do with HIM, and everything to do with what he did to you.

Maybe you can get it from the weird resurrection thing that happens instead. All kinds of weird shit can happen when timelines and your life get all fucky like that, I guess. You met a ghost and got shoved back to life and then time got weird, I’m sure at that point anything can happen.

Actually FROM Belphie, the obvious spell you’d get is sleep. Put some bastard to sleep, make them unconscious, that’s his main thing.

I think the list goes: sleep. Then later, with more power, you get confusion (like the Pokémon move)and phantasmal force (the one that projects an illusion only visible to the target, that is able to deal damage to them. Many very creative applications of this spell are possible). At the highest possible level, power word kill. The quickest and laziest possible way to do a murder, as long as you use it right.

_______

Finally, Lucifer.

Big strong powerful Morningstar! Proud bastard that everyone can’t help but listen to.

So OBVIOUSLY you get dominate person from him! (yes, all seven of them have the ability to force a non-MC human to obey them magically but shhh. Lets say only Lucifer can GIVE that ability to a human.)

I think he’d be the one who can give you classic demonic abilities like fire resistance and hellish rebuke. I can’t imagine Lucifer not having some disintegrate-like ability, as the third most powerful demon in the realm.

He can’t give you a whole ass pair of wings, he can’t change the structure of your body, but I think maybe he can give you the fly spell. Or even just something like a double jump and a fully controlled fall. I think that suits him.

Yknow what else suits him? Meteor swarm. Super powerful, dramatically destructive, only the strongest can cast it… flaming destruction falling from the sky… Fall imagery weaponized into an absurdly high damage spell. Seems like Lucifer!

So let’s say his spell list for you is: hellish rebuke and fire resistance (not a spell, but still). Then, dominate person, the flight-adjacent spell, and disintegrate. Then finally, meteor swarm. That seems right.

_______

#I love D&D #I also love obey me and you can’t really D&D-ify it #the setting and stuff just doesn’t translate well #bUT HEAR ME OUT THO #I Will take all the vague inspiration in the world lmao #weird magic shit #obey me! shall we date? #obey me #obey me fic #my writing #obey me headcanons #obey me mc #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #levi obey me #obey me beelzebub #obey me beel #obey me asmodeus #obey me asmo #obey me satan #obey me belphegor #obey me belphie #obey me lucifer #Adhara’s brainrot

[anundyingfidelity]

I'M A RUIN — Soldier Boy/Ben (Part III)

Series summary: After the events of the Seven Tower, you present Grace Mallory a new secret project you're working on already to develop a cure to Compound V. The only problem? You need Soldier Boy for that.

Pairing: Soldier Boy/Ben x female reader.

Word count: 2.2k.

Warnings for series: set after S3 (spoilers), some OOC!Ben, some depressed!Ben, angst, hurt/comfort, eventual smut, slow-burn, language, PTSD, reader has Compound V (she's no Vought supe tho), Soldier Boy being an usual asshole, reader is a fucking liar.

Warnings on this chapter: panic attack, killing threats, violence, Ben my poor meowmeow, hurt/comfort, mentions of rape.

☕ if you like my writing, support me with a ko-fi !

get yourself in the taglist!

Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII

Notes: this is mostly a bonding chapter between Ben and the reader, also there's more about the reader's past in here plus a special guest lmao. I'm having too much fun writing this! If anyone would like to be tagged I'll be more than happy to do so! I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it.

this fic tags: @k-slla @syrma-sensei @mostlymarvelgirl @cheynovak

GEN MASTERLIST! — SERIES MASTERLIST!

Part III: Afraid of the Fall

Ben felt his head being hammered and strange voices in a foreign language mumbled to him, all while they laughed and mocked his suffering, causing loud screams and groans of pain falling off his mouth. He struggled, feeling his skin burning again and again. He hoped it stopped, sitting down on the edge of the mattress, but things didn't get better.

Far away, he heard a familiar voice, shouting to get inside. But he couldn't move from his place to reach it. He groaned again, grabbing the sides of his head strongly and covering his ears, elbows on his knees, at the same time he felt a fire forming on his chest. It was happening again. He didn't want to do it. He couldn't do it. He had been trying to control himself with the reefer the past few days. Why now? Why here? He thought he might lose control over himself one more time, and it scared him to death.

There was a loud sound of metal and high heels running towards him, until someone dropped in front of him.

"Ben?"

He barely recognized your voice, but he felt your hands running all over his cheeks, until he opened his tired eyes.

"Ben, you're fine, okay? You're safe here," he took in your gentle voice as you knelt in front of him. He saw you observing his chest and the blast forming in there. "Please, you can control yourself. Look at me, breathe."

He moaned in pain again, closing his eyes shut. He was holding back as much as his strength allowed him, but it wasn't working. Your worried eyes locked when he opened his own again, green and teary.

"Please just breathe. Inhale and exhale," you said, mimicking the directions as he tried to steady his breath following you.

"That's it, go on," you repeated, encouraging him to keep doing the same. "Take my hands, here," he felt your palms embracing his rough hands, his grip hard on your soft ones. "Keep breathing."

The explosion on his chest was still there but as you soothed him with your voice, he eventually felt as the burn dissipated little by little.

"You're safe now, nothing's gonna happen," you mumbled. "Breathe."

Ben took in your whispering voice, until the burn stopped. You remained there with him, hands together, as he opened his eyes anew. He found a comforting smile on your lips, but as soon as he scanned the room he found two men standing in the doorway. Armed and pointing at him, ready to shoot him. He looked between you and the men, and abruptly got on his feet, shoving you away with such force. You landed over your ass on the floor just a couple of steps away from him. The guards aimed their guns immediately.

"Don't!" you ordered.

"Doctor, he was about to blast," said one of them.

"Stop it!" you raised your hands, with glossy eyes and lungs out of air. "Please, leave," you pleaded. Ben remained in the same spot, figuring out if he had to fight you and the men. 

"Doc, the gas-"

"Leave now!" you shouted. They hesitated. "I can handle this, just go and don't turn on the gas, that's an order."

Your gaze might've worked because they slowly backed up and left, closing the heavy door and leaving you alone with the supe. He looked at you, breathing steady and an outraged face. You stood up, fists tight, as Ben closed the distance between both of you.

"Ben, I'm so sorry-"

You choked on your own words, his hand grabbing your neck with his tight grip. "Don't fucking tell me I'm safe. You've built a chamber that'd kill me while I sleep," he growled. Your hands took on his wrists.

Ben just held you in place, denying oxygen into your lungs. He was fucking mad at how you decided to play with him and his life. All these days, he had the chance to end you and that fucking building, and he didn't do it. He felt like a fucking idiot. He had to finish this now. Suddenly, he loosened the rough grip around your throat and slammed you harshly, until your back hit the hardwood of the coffee table.

You coughed as you tried to lift yourself to a sitting position, the mess of the broken wooden lying underneath.

"Ben," you gasped looking up at him. "It's okay if you want to kill me. I'm only asking you to think twice because I'll be dead but it'll be worse for you."

How could it be? Ben couldn't take a fucking break without knowing the damn gas could be turned on if any of those cocksuckers, you included, wanted to. He was beyond pissed. Over and over, he became surrounded by traitors, people who didn't give a single shit about him. And now, he just wanted to rip your head off, kill everyone inside, and run away. Yet somehow he couldn't. With brows furrowed and a cold expression on his face, he watched your figure on the floor, vulnerable and aching due to the impact, at his cruel mercy. But his body wouldn't move an inch to get to you.

Slowly you got on your feet again and for a moment that felt eternal, you looked at each other. Ben was just waiting for the rage to flourish and do what he had to since he met you in that fucking office. He had to kill everyone when they took him out of that box. Too sad he couldn't go back to the past and change his decisions.

You held his haze, and all of the sudden you stepped forward wrapping your arms around his muscular waist. He was shocked.

"I'm so sorry, I'm sorry," you whispered, hiding your face on his chest.

Ben felt your warmth against his flesh, but he couldn't do more than stay frozen in the middle of the room. The only physical contact he had felt for a long time was for the purpose of torture, pain, and suffering. A hug felt strangely uncomfortable to him. More so after he was the one ready to kill everyone around, starting with you. You must have noticed the stiffness on his body because you slowly backed up and separated from him.

He gave you a confused look and you started to speak softly again.

"I can leave if you want-"

His voice came barely as a whisper. "No."

You nodded, locking your eyes with his own. "Okay. You want to talk?"

"I don't know," he said softly.

Calmly, you asked him to sit on the edge of the bed and Ben soon followed as you did. His eyes were lost in the room and he felt regretful for what he did to you. Anyone in your place would just have left and ran away. He'd be alone, just like he had in the past decades. But you didn't. You were there by his side because you wanted to help him. At least that's what you said.

"I had a nightmare," he began. "It felt so real."

"I'm here, you can let it out," you reassured. Ben felt your eyes on him, but he wasn't strong enough to see your face, so he focused on the wall on the other side of the room.

"I was there... Again. I thought I was there, and thought I was going to blow up everything. Haven't felt this pain since you brought me here, until today," Ben mumbled. "I don't know what happened. I don't know what's wrong with me."

"There's nothing wrong with you," you replied once he finished. "You're not a bad person."

"I could've killed you," his words sounded like a fear confession.

But he didn't have any idea of why he would care that much for a stranger like you. He harmed you, and still here you were. It was almost as if you were not scared of him, the atrocities he had done and the ones he could do in the future.

"But you didn't, so don't torture yourself with things that are not real."

He believed you were right. At the same time, it was difficult to push those thoughts away.

"I'm a fucking mess," he said, his eyes locked on his lap as he played with his hands like he was a child. "My father was right."

"Ben-"

"I could've done so much better with him."

"Who?"

"Homelander."

This time, he found your intense gaze. You shook your head.

"You didn't know what Vought was up to. That is not your fault."

"But he is my son in the end," Ben grumbled. "And he has a fucking son of his own."

"A lab experiment," you corrected. "A lab experiment that has a child, product of a rape. You don't have to call that your blood."

He gave a sad smile that quickly disappeared. "I wish I didn't have to. I always wanted kids. Y'know, give them the figure I never had, let them know I'm proud of them, tell them they mean everything to me... Be a better father. And I feel guilty for no reason."

You nodded. "I understand all that, and you'll get over the generational trauma and the PTSD. I promise. Just remember before you run, you need to learn how to walk."

A part of his heart refused to believe your words, that you were lying, but the look in your eyes said otherwise. Probably you were not as bad as he thought you'd be. After all, you were there. You had the courage to step in front of him, to be in the same room as him, and to come every day just in hope to have some sort of advance even when he was pushing his pain away. All those efforts and insistences, they had to mean something in the end. Right?

Last couple of days were hell. You caught something good though. Soldier Boy finally talked to you. Just a little. Anything was fine at this point. For you, work didn't stop. Rest was not an option most of the time. So on Sunday morning you drove back to your apartment after spending the whole Saturday working on more details about the Anti-V prototype.

Once in the building, you made your usual way to your door and immediately got rid of your coat and shoes in the entry hall. You were so tired and craving for a sleep, so you made your way to your bedroom, until a horribly annoying voice you knew too well stopped you on the doorframe.

"Well, don't you work your ass off," the blonde man swung into your room in his usual ridiculous outfit, admiring every detail of the place. He gave you a disturbingly disgusting smile.

You also noticed the balcony windows and curtains were open. Of fucking course he'd used the easiest way to break into your home.

"What-"

"Oh, you know who I am, doctor. I can break the president's home if I want to," Homelander beamed when he stopped just inches from you.

You gulped and crossed your arms on your chest.

"And may I ask why are you here?"

"You know why, don't play dumb."

"No, I don't. Enlighten me, please," you replied, faking it. "You know, I don't really think we've met before."

"Actually, we did. It was in an audition. Around 2009, remember?" 

"Now I do," your jaw clenched. That was a fucking memory you wanted to erase and bury forever. "I'm glad I didn't pass that shit."

 "Yeah, you were such a waste now that I think of. Could've been with our team now."

Homelander chuckled, proudly and honorably, walking around and stopping in front of your vanity. He started to check your perfumes and jewelry that spread on there, like a damn kid. You followed him immediately.

"What do you want?"

"Straight to the point, fine," he began, facing you once again. Smile long gone. "I know you're up to something. Fucking stop it."

Your lips opened but he shut you up with a gesture of his hand and went on.

"Uh-uh, not now. Don't try to deny it. Don't make fucking excuses," Homelander closed the distance between both of you. His lips brushed your ear and somehow, you were frozen in place. You didn't know what would happen next, he was unpredictable.

"I know you have my dad with you, and what you're doing will not benefit me," he whispered and he pulled back to see your blank face, eyes staring with rage. "Just a small warning. I got my eyes on you," he chuckled. "But don't worry, I'm giving you a chance. Only one chance to stop whatever the fuck you're doing. Trust me, you don't wanna know what I have for you."

He started to walk to the balcony without giving you time for an answer. Not that you had much of a comeback in mind when your life and project were now in danger. At least he was going to finally leave your place. Before flying away, he turned around one last time.

"Better take care of the old man, uhm?"

Those were his last words. And you knew he didn't mean them.

You were so fucked now.

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