#ive done it before. 2 of the 3 things i have done before so itll be fine. it just doesn't feel like it

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#love that my body decided to incapacitate me the weekend before i have to read 5 different papers for classes #and it would b one thing to just read them but no for 3 of them i have to give detailed interpretation and 1 i have to present on #ive already failed to read one bc i forgot we had to do 2 papers for monday. oops. not that i could have done it anyway. i barely got 1 done #and im on track to fucking up the one due Tomorrow as well #im just fucking tired of reading fucking chemistry driven papers that i dont understand no matter how many times i read them #and everyones like oh itll get easier but no it fucking wont bc i cant fucking read right #its so fucking frustrating. why do i even bother? im so tried #i don't even have the paper im supposed to present on so ill have to do it all tomorrow. cool. great. not that i could do it today anyway #im just. this is gonna b a difficult week #and i misused my whole day by doing extractions bc i scheduled my training a week ago when i thought i would b fine over the weekend #nope. its fucking bullshit. this is y im like. y do i even want to b in academia? #how could i b a prof if i cant read well? its fine to b dyslexic as a math person but im like i have to read so much and so little gets thru #but then what the fuck else am i supposed to do? idk. im just gonna write down something for all these questions and go tf to sleep #ill get up at some horrible time in the morning to finish this. damn the consequences. ill see my therapist tomorrow anyway #and meet with my advisor like 🤪 yo guess what i made zero progress this week #sorry u got stuck with me while im going thru a year of fucking health problems #but whatever cant get rid of me now im already here. here and tired and i wanna go to bed #unrelated

[toastsnaffler]

this assay is so fucking fake......

#same one ive been working on for like 3 months. every other assay ive trained on took me a couple goes to get but ive done this one ~45x #and i keep getting 2 good runs and then 1 fail. which SUCKS bc i need 3 passes in a row to sign off on it #and its so sensitive that changing even tiny things like using a different brand same volume beaker. or a 0.5cm longer flea #anyway i had another 2 good runs this week so this was my 3rd but bc its a friday afternoon im tired as fuck and keep making dumb mistakes #like overstirring it + one of my samples leaked which is soooo embarrassing bc ive already had to ask for more before bc its taken me- #almost 50 fucking attempts already #anyway. hour and a half into prep and im at the most crucial time sensitive part which is pipetting thr enzyme into the substrate #and i manage to do it all w even time spacing (u have to replicate the exact same pace at the end of the timer or it doesnt work) #and then realise id picked up a different identical model pipette that was set to half the volume i was meant to put in FUUUUCK #by that point i was like fuck it im almost 2 hours in and nothing else to do the rest of the day. so ill work around it + see what happens #i figured well its half the volume. so if i add the same half volume again at the 5 minute mark and leave it for 12.5 instead of 10 mins #then itll hydrolyse the substrate to the same degree. IN THEORY in practice this stuff never works bc of error margins etc #bearing in mind this js like 30 seconds of thought bc it took me a couple mins to realise what i did #but the thing abt working in a lab is u make these split second decisions constantly bc everything is so time sensitive #so u have to be quick thinking on ur feet #anyway long story short got to the end of the 3 hour process. which i was carrying out v sloppily bc the chances of it working were- #slim by that point lmao. but lo and behold it was completely fucking fine. all cvs less than 5% and averages <5% of spec #which is awesome bc it means after THREE MONTHS and like. 45x3 whats that AT LEAST 135 HOURS OF FOCUSED TIME ON IT #not counting attempts i gave up on halfway thru bc id alreaady fucked them up bad #i can FINALLY sign off on it lmfao. but im just so mad like why does it play these mind games with me. it shouldnt have worked #whatever chemistry is such a fickle stupid science. anyway wahoo weekend time baby #gorgeous weather here + im gonna get pizza on the way home...... maybe life doesnt suck sometimes 😇 #mutuals if ur still at work stay strong soldiers #.diaries

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for telling my brother that he has to break up with his gf of 3 years

⛸️✈️ (so i can recognize this ask)

tw for obsessive behavior and slight mention of incest (nothing about actual incest just creepy shit that my brothers gf did itll make more sense if you read it)

it sounds bad i know but hear me out

my brother (28M) has been dating this girl (30F) who we will call Kate for about 3 years but recently i (16X) told him to break up with her.

my brother and i have been very close since i was little and he practically raised me. ive seen him try to find love before but never successfully so when he told me he was dating a girl online i was really happy for him. i had my doubts but i just kept it to myself because he was happy and thats all that really matters to me. they had visited before, and when i met kate she was super nice and i really enjoyed hanging out with her too. and then about a year ago they decided to move in together. however kate didnt want to move away from her family so my brother moved across the country to live with her. at this point she was 29, didnt have her drivers license, lived with her mom and worked at walmart. they had agreed that if my brother moved out there kate would get her license, they would find an apartment, and she would try and get a better job. so my brother moved out there to be with her. back then i had hoped they would break up because i didnt want him to move but again i didnt say anything because i just wanted him to be happy. a year later kate has not followed through with any of the things they agreed on. so for the past year my brother has been living with kate, her mom, her moms bf and occasionally her grandparents. kates family is all unemployed (her mom was fired her moms bf is a slacker and her grandparents retired) do the only 2 providing for the whole family are kate and my brother. as i mentioned before kate works at walmart so she doesnt make enough money. so all the financial responsibility falls to my brother who has a well paying job. about a month ago in december my brother called our mom and asked for relationship advice. eventually he said that he wasnt happy in the relationship and decided to have a talk with kate about how she hasnt done anything she promised. she got really emotional but then agreed to start working on things but that didnt last very long, she was back to her old routine in 2 days. after i heard that he was unhappy it all started to click, he never looked happy in any pictures after he moved. but when he came to visit recently i saw him actually happy and smiling. he ended up having a talk with our mom where he just spilled everything. he said that he didnt want to move in the first place but he felt like he had to for kate. after this kate started trying to keep me away from my brother. it was at this point when i told him to break up with her and move back home. the next day he went back across the country and called our mom when he got back. he had said that kate started copying all the things i do but making it kinda sexual. kate had starting being obsessive, checking his phone, not wanting him to talk to friends and family, constantly checking his location and more crazy shit. my mom and i talked about how we were going to try and help my brother because at this point it was getting out of hand and we realized that kate sees me as competition and is trying to keep me away from my brother so he wont want to move back here. i told him that he needs to break up with her and move back here for his sanity and mental health so aita for that?

tldr: kate sees me as competition for her romantic relationship with my brother so she started copying things i do but sexy even though i am a minor and her bfs little sibling so i told him to break up with her and move back home

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[magic-is-something-we-create]

2023 recap + 2024 plans

i wrote 261,200 words in 2023; 172,500 of those for Whispers, 88,700 for Goddess-Touched!

i read 16 books to completion, beta'd for an additional 2, am currently reading 3, and got partway through 5 others before having to put them down.

i maintained my streaming schedule with only a handful of emergency-related exceptions, and drew, uh, a shit ton over the course of the year!

writing goals for 2024:

fix Echoseers (full stylistic rewrite, along with some plot tweaks)

finish the first draft of Goddess-Touched (and edit it hardcore as well)

work on as-yet-unnamed book 4 of tms

fix up Whispers with the added feedback of beta readers

start querying Whispers (i'll look into self publishing down the road if i don't end up finding an agent. the way my brain functions i must cling to the hope of not having to market it myself tooth and nail for the time being)

POTENTIALLY. if my brain fixates on it. write the script for The Lost so that i actually have something to work with to make the comic happen

one of my offline friends is starting to get into writing, and im hoping to help them through some of the early rough patches and potentially co-write a thing with them!!

i completely dropped the ball on the weekly writing updates so im gonna try and get back to that on wednesday. and potentially get back into the weekly ask games!

non-writing goals for 2024:

youtube. i want to make speedpaints and worldbuilding videos and shit. ive already made the basic animation stuff to have a lil sona to do the gesturing for me and i know how to make videos i just havent done it in a While

twitch!! i want to stream a bit more often because its fun and if i let myself branch out into video games as well as art itll be easier to do that. u might see me streaming in the evenings sometime soon. (psst im not streaming this weekend as im still doing a shit ton of holiday/social stuff but the weekend of the 13th ill be back to both patreon and twitch baybee)

SPEAKING OF i want to get my shit together enough to do like. monthly short story releases for my patrons/ko-fi members. early access, that is, so if i post one in january, it'll be posted here a month or two later for all to see/read

i want to read as many books as i did in 2023, if not more! im also considering adding book reviews/thoughts to youtube or patreon/ko-fi perks

my weekend hiatuses aren't going anywhere. having time where im not actively engaging with tumblr + don't feel obligated to do Anything online has done wonders for my mental health and i highly recommend it. focus mode on my phone and leechblock on desktop has helped so so so much

and that's all i'm sharing here!! i hope 2024 is a better year for all than the last <3

#braindumps.txt #writing update #aboutthewarlord #2024 goals

[binarybitex]

writing updates for this week :] (04/14/2024)

this week's writing is largely comprised of thoughts, brainstorms, and a few revisions to chapters 9 & 10.

here's a snippet from the upcoming ch 9 "boss babysitter"

in total, i wrote over 5600 words on the document!!

as i wrap up book 1, ive been thinking a lot about the structures of books 2 and 3. timing is key to me bc this is slowburn after all. but aaaaaaa its just as painful (/pos) to write slowburn as it is to read it....

ive also been thinking about zekes journey up to heart hollow, pa. what he's seen, where he's been, what brought him to the resort, yadda yadda yadda.... and so my brain continues to flesh out things that will probably never be brought up in the main narrative

ive been deeply considering cherry and zeke's friendship. theres a pretty pivotal chapter in book 2 that touches on this, and i want to make sure i grasp it right. i wrote a big dialogue chunk down in my notebook.... i cant wait to write this episode !!! its been part of my arc list since the very beginning. eeeeek

aaughh ive been laboring over chapter 11's details. lots of research, lots of planning. there are....... so many moving pieces. im a little intimidated but i think itll be an excellent challenge. some stuff abt lewis gets dropped this chapter. thats all ill say.

added and tweaked chapter 10 a lot. this is the one thats been killing me... its going to end up being longer than ch9. fuck me for writing 30+ page chapters ig. (again.... slowburn is so painful but good god that slow dopamine release is therapeutic asf)

made some final revisions to ch9 "boss babysitter". i think i understand now why ive been so hesitant on posting it; a few more things needed to be added before the books finale..... i........ dont mean to cause alarm, but as soon as im done drawing the promotional artwork............ i think im ready to post it.

thats all for the week. monday starts tomorrow and i only have one task i have to accomplish. will probably work on ch10 and finish up the promo comic for ch9 "boss babysitter" :]

#heart hollow #howdyitsmax #heart hollow updates #writing update #writing progress #writing community #writers of tumblr #oc #original characters #oc writing #original writing #tumblr writers #ocs #writeblr #writerscommunity #creative writing #original fiction #oc fic #small artists #oc artists #small writer #writing #ao3 author #ao3 writer

[videostak]

OK now i know why ppl dont drive stick... soooo fkn scary today for realll. i mean idk its just hoorrifying . i wanna learn and like nothings changed i just need to practice more but driving to the mall today was soo scary honestly tho the most horrifying thing was me having trouble getting my rear view mirros right LOL like i was scared for my life when i noticed i pulled to the side and went in a parking lot to fix them to the best of my ability. i think its good now but even aside from that eveyrhint is so scary ._. also was at the mall for like 3 hrs cause the ppl i was sellign the stuff to were like “honestly the longest itll take us to look thru your stuff will be like at most an hour we’ll text u when we’re done” then like 2 hrs went by and i asked them and they were like “ohhh yaa we totally forgot abt yours uhhh we’ll do it rn” -_- so i was rly there for a long time and ran out of things to do and was sleepy n shit. im so sleepy rn but have to pick up my sister in a hour or so T-T either way i learned i dont think im quite ready to go thru big streets yet n stufff i still need lots of practice was def like the fight for my life there anyways literally jam packed exhausting day today just got home and only get like an hour of relaxing before having to drive again! soooo sleepy i mean i think i could do it soon i just have to rly practice and not get nervous n stuff the fact they had me standing there for three hours rly made me tired and made the drive home real nerve wracking. deff lots of practice  i need to do n stuff but like all things considered i did well. looked it up and u can go from neutral to 2nd if the car hasnt slowed down enough to be in first so thats neat to kno hopefully thatll save me lol. like thats what i was messing up w/ but like idk i did it and survived! lol. i think only 1 guy honked at me when the car rocked a bit but i think he just did that cause he was like wtf dude lol. or cause i didnt shift into 2nd quick enough so he wanted me to go faster. tho like yaaa also greaet finds today for average prices at book off got get yer ya yas out on CD :D and singular adventures of style council fuuuuck yea. they werent there last time i went so they mustve just been put out and both great things i really have been looking for literally just listened to ya yas on yt the other day ive rly been in a stones mick taylor mood lately

[hikari-ni-naritai]

Really enjoying your fishing escapades!! Im still working on a few, not to mention Ocean fishing.... Hope you'll have better luck with some than I though, especially Floating Boulder, Charibenet, Ruby Dragon and god damn Lancetfish that thing is an asshole. I get Moby Dick now. Anyhow good luck with your fishing!!!! <3

i tend to have really good luck most of the time so im sure itll go fine! though ive heard fuckin HORROR stories about some of these fuckers. triple mooch fish in like tiny time windows are nightmarish. ive only had to do like, one of those, but i had to do it a fair few times bc i was trying to desynth for a swimsuit top lmao. i havent made it too far in my fishing quest, ive been going down the fishing log in order basically, so ive cleared limsa and middle/lower la noscea. eastern la noscea ive done a bunch of them but now im waiting on rain for like 2-3 spots, fog for one (FUCK that crab ive had him on the line like 8 times but he gets free every time), and one for clear skies after rain, and then western la noscea im waiting on a 3 hour mooch window and . something weather and time based? idr what the details are.

but its fun! fishing is good and i REALLY love the tool they gave us in endwalker where if youve caught 5 big fish, you can spend your big fish points to mooch with shitty small fish for 2 minutes. im no longer beholden to the wretched GP sink of the . whatever that is. patience 2? idr. trying to catch shit with fish eyes sucks still and theres no point even trying if youve gotta mooch it. but its a nice little challenge. i also think the fisher's intuition mechanic is cool. im looking forward to getting into the expansion zones later on! skyfishing and lavafishing and saltfishing and voidfishing its like a dream i love it. so many fucked up fish!

my number 1 most desired thing (after 100 glamour plates obv) is a Fucking Tacklebox oh my god. i hate carrying around 30 baits. thats so much inventory space. let me just put them in a box and get them out whenever i need them. please yoshi p im fucking begging you. im on my hands and knees.

anyway this will be nice i think, in my house design theres spots for fish prints, so i am thinking ill collect a bunch of rare fish and print them onto canvases to put in my house. nepto dragon is gonna be there for sure. the others i may rotate out as i collect more rare bitches. im saving nepto dragon for the fishing quest tho first, bc i want to get that out of my log. its a point of pride. i havent caught any of the other fish and i know hes the last one but. im keeping him for that.

incidentally i couldve swore id caught one before but i just earlier got the tutorial notification for when you catch a fish that requires a weather type that follows another weather type. so i guess that was the first one id done lmao. god i have been talking a lot about fishing. im glad youre enjoying my fishing adventures i will be sure to keep you updated! <3

#ffxiv

[druckers]

Andreas maler and/or magda for the character questions?

answering both because they are my friends ^_^ (spoilers obv)

for andreas:

first impression honestly its been about 6 months and ive done 3 other playthroughs since my first so i dont have the best memory of it. i was very charmed by him as a protagonist but i think it took me until my second playthrough to really get a good feel for who he is

impression now i adore him and adore how well his character arc is finished up. everytime i go back for a replay i put more and more little things together about him and he feels like someone i know. i love following him throughout the story and grieving with him and just going through all of my goddamn emotions playing as him. i shit you not i think hes just one of my favorite videogame protagonists ever

favorite moment i feel like its a little cheesy saying the windmill with ulrike and little andreas because its the last proper scene in the game but everything about it gets me.. its a very small ending but i feel like its perfect. theres a routine in it being right before supper. hes spending time with the kids and getting their energy out for maybe a half hour before they sit down and eat... it shows how well hes settled into tassing and how hes recovering and how he really is loved by the people there i think.

idea for a story with the nature of pentiments setup in acts with timeskips inbetween i think you can do a lot to fill in the blanks. i want to know more about josef and daniel and the rest of his family or how he tried to raise august or how his first week or so with caspar was or how he got to know magdalene for the few months before she left for prague. i have something drafted (no idea if itll ever get finished though) thats about him and the druckers before the events of act 1 and how you go about integrating a traveling artist into your family unit

unpopular opinion see the nice thing about pentiment being kind of niche is i havent seen any really shit opinions that end up as Major Shit Opinions but i will always have contempt in my heart for the people who say andreas never dying doesnt do anything for the story

favorite relationship sorry this is a garrett tumblr user druckers moment but his friendship with claus (and with marie and bert before they died- the lines talking about how fond they all were of eachother get me) HIIIIIITS i love how perfectly they parallel eachother and how those parallels highlight the differences that led to them falling out. and i love how they both still really care for the other despite everything. goddamn!!!!

favorite headcanon weird thing is i really dont have a lot of headcanons for most of the pentiment characters? hes bisexual though

for magdalene:

first impression also dont remember it very well for previously listed reasons but i Also feel like i missed out on a lot of act 3 my first goaround. but i got attached to her very fast in both acts. was very very very charmed when she waddled over to caspar in act 2 and said hi to him that entire interaction is adorable...

impression now she is my EVERYTHINGGGGG act 3 is my favorite out of all of them and i love her as a protagonist i love (similar point to andreas) putting so many little things about her together when i go back and play the game again. shes the character i connect with the most and everything about her story hits an extremelyyyy personal spot for me. following her progress on the mural and how its a rite of passage for her and how it connects her to both her mother and her father. waaah

favorite moment exploring in the abbey in act 3... seeing her trying to work through everything that happened the night of the revolt :-[ i feel like it gives you a lot of tiny insights into her character. also cool mural parallels wrt preserving history. to me that entire sequence reads as her rummaging around in the remains of the abbey for both her own research and for any bit of closure she can find because its her first time being there in 18 years. the music (which even lyrically fits her, i think) and the general atmosphere has just like. gotten itself stuck in my mind. its my favorite scene in the game.

idea for a story written letters between her and everyone back in tassing with little bits inbetween showing how her and the sommerfelds are getting along in prague. i have another thing drafted (unsure if it will ever be finished) with her and andreas on the night claus passes.

unpopular opinion repeat of the "niche videogame so there are not a lot of bad opinions that are widely agreed upon" point but anyone who insists shes too bitchy or shes not a good protagonist compared to andreas is getting a personal throttling courtesy of ME. act 3 is everything to me.

favorite relationship sorry garrett druckers moment. saying this as a son who spent most of his life as a daughter everything about her and claus makes me cry and throw up i see myself in her and i see my dad in him. they love eachother so much and all of the tiny ways its shown through lines of dialogue or animations or expressions.. the hardest i have ever cried over a videogame was during the conversation they have after the feast. ive been working on typing up an entire post on the mural and how its significant to both of their characters but given how much time i spend thinking about them it will probably take a very long time to actually finish writing. i want to say more but alas it will probably end up deeply personal... just please take away that claus and magdalene are some of the most important characters to me ever. (shoutout to esther too i adore her. her letters and how much her and magda love eachother.... never EVER forget it) (also shoutout to baltas also all 4 of my playthroughs had tinkerer as one of her skills and i love hanging out with him. i go back and bother him as much as possible trying to find any other bit of dialogue i can)

favorite headcanon shes a lesbian :^]

#letters #ironically despite liking her a tiny bit more it was harder for me to properly get my thoughts on magda down. i gauruntee you i have about #3x what i put here stored away in my brain somewhere #also just looked at the clock and i spent an hour typing this up......... and i mentioned claus twice in the same cateogory Okay garrett.

[wanderrlust0]

1/2

honestlyyy my bf is lucky to have me!! bc ive seen and heard things that i feel like another girl would probably not give him more chances or go off on him out of frustration. even his sister told me she’d do things differently. idk im not trying to shit on him at all bc hes a really good person and i love him very much and want to be with him for the rest of my life. i just know that if it was the other way around with all the things we both have done, he would notttt trust me and he already has trust issues. i mean im not perfect either..yes i have done some small things before, but it was without any personal feelings and any intimate physical touch. now, there is a lot of context and things for part of what he did and the situation we were stuck in so like its not as bad as it sounds.. but STILL lol im just thinking. like i know if one of us had to break up with each other it would def be him breaking up with me. i just know. theres already been times where he would sound like he would and he’d make all these confrontations feel so serious. also, hes still a man. yes hes he/they, masc presenting, but he still thinks like men. im not trying to offend anyone pls if literally anyone reads this far so ill explain what i mean. he did not have good luck with girls in hs and so he worked on himself to look better and then got the attention from girls he craved back then. got some experience, got a gf, got cheated on, got dating apps again but stayed fwb with his ex until calling it off when we started dating. i know he can move quickly with things and act on his high sexual drive. if anyone whos considered attractive gives him attention, he could entertain the idea or like he starts to compare me and itll make me feel like im not enough and dont match his lifestyle. i feel like its easier for him than me to start seeing people in a sexual way and want to get in their pants. idk if it could be like the female attention since he doesnt always feel good about himself and now that a pretty girl shows interest its like it gets to his ego. again, i sound like im shitting on him but im not, im just thinking i can type it all out and leave it here bc ive never talked about this or wrote about it. i found out today that he did stuff with his friend ~3 yrs ago while me & him were on a break and me and her are like friendly acquaintances and we went to her baby shower, gender reveal party, & he went to her wedding, all after they did it. he really only told me now bc her husband i guess just found out somehow and msgd my bf about it and said he’ll go msg me about it. he didnt want me to find out first thru someone else, which i appreciate that he was able to tell me first, but its also like okay damn they really did that. and yes it was years ago so i honestly didnt feel hurt about it i was just more shocked. like.. he was on a break with me and felt single and he says shes cheated before so it just happened with them and they didnt do it again. funny thing is that her husband was already suspicious of him years ago and thinking he was only friends with her to do stuff and now shit, he was partially right. honestly, thats a dumb mistake on her end, like she was engaged or almost engaged at the time. also, for the record, he hooked up with (for what i know now) 2 other people during that time period, so 3 within our 1 month break. one didnt involve any feelings i presume and the other one had a shit ton bc they went on actual dates and shit and she ended it bc they both or just she didnt wanna settle. she was 3 yrs younger than him and yes.. i did stalk her a bit bc i needed to know, why her, who she is, etc. and i could already tell she got around..but whatever, i already coped from that lol. back to his friend, he knows she was with someone & he knows her man already didnt like him. even tho she didnt care, he still went along with it bc hes been wanting to do that since the day they became friends. it all makes sense. he met her in school when he was still with his ex so i dont have anything to say about that part but like, again…

#journal #mypost #continued in the comments

[mintgki]

hi. so this is kinda funny but bare w/ me this is slightly important

I didn’t post an update like all last week and almost didn’t the week before because of a bit of lost motivation over a technical issue 😭

So u see 😋 I like to put all my info for fics into my notes app, and used docs for like the taglist and stuff so its was either to just switch over for me 💀. problem is that in the notes app, when it does the auto save thing, it DIDNT save any updates I had entered in for future parts of the story to make sure everything added up or when something goes down etc

for example: if hongjoong got sick last chapter, id do a reminder for him to pass away the next 😭 weird example but U GET IT

Those didn’t save nor were anyone of my parts that I finished, those didnt get marked off which also adds onto my confusion because that potentially mixes up the story since I can’t count on myself much to remember it, and then trusted it all onto an app to do that 4 me (AND THEN FAILED 😭😭)

Im not gonna give up on the story or nun and I dont THINK itll go on hiatus, just think I need a while to get this trash back together since the story I had then didnt save, so now nothing adds up and I gotta fix that 😭

Im usually Quantity + Quality, on average Ive posted 2+ updates for every fic ive done COUNTING STSL so Im still going to try and maintain that since I love spoiling yall around . that and wht creator u know that pushed out like 6 updates counting in 3 days GIVE ME CREDIT WHERE CREDITS DUE (no shame to other writers jus a lil jokey joke 😭 promise)

other than that, have a good day :) I plan to do something rlly cool and cute for halloween as a thank u and for something fun to read B) happy spook month

#vailthoughts? #spoilershehe #ateez #ateez ff #smau #kpop ateez smau #ateez smau #kpop smau

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#i spend so mad god damn time bitching on this website. its bc i dont talk to ppl. whens the last time i had a non functional conversation? #uuuuhhh last weekend or maybe the weekend before that? so like i gotta complain somewhere. so if i stop complaining u can assume i made #friends lmao. ugh. its just. im worried. im worried abt how this semester is gonna go. how this phd program is gonna go #bc i spent the last 2 years destroying myself. realized ive gotta stop doing that. haven't figured out how to stop and now im gonna triple #the amount of pressure im under while trying to do things in a more healthy way. its just like. it objectively doesnt seem like a formula #for good things to happen. im more worried for how catastrophic its gonna b on my brain than i am abt the things i think most ppl would b #concerned abt. like im not worried abt planning and executing a project or teaching beyond fear of the unknown #its like. ive done these things before. theyre difficult but u make due and tackle the problems. but when it comes to: how to maintain a #healthy school/life balance? i dont even kno where to start with that. i just dont bc when u have a learning disability things just take #more time but like how much time is too much? where does it end? i dont kno how to manage it and i dont wanna hate my project by the end #of this. i want to b excited and not paralyzed bc im afraid i cant change my behavior and its gonna kill me #and im worried bc im meeting with my advisor for the 1st time since march before i agreed to join thr lab and have i prepared for this #project which is almost complete unrelated to what i did in my last lab? no bc ive been managing data and im still not done managing data #bc i cant focus bc i collected that data in a way that was actively self destructive. and i mean i kno itll b fine. thr guy seems nice i #just hate that im showing up devoid of enthusiasm bc its all been drowned out by the fear. and thats also gonna make teaching a problem #bc its hard to b excited abt things when there's a hole in your chest and ur desperate for someone to tell u how to fix it. but idk helping #ppl does usually make me feel better so maybe itll b a good thing. forgot how much i feel like im dying when i sit in meetings and #classroom tho lol. god its been 2yrs since i was a student. classes feel like such bullshit now. and yet if i dont get all As i might die #my students better b good. i have the 1st lab section bc thr lead ta couldnt do that time. so im the trial lab and i start fucking Monday #who tf does labs the 1st week of class? ugh. also its an intro bio so like 2/3 of thr class r freshman. lil bby 18yos and some r non bio #majors. and ive been warned that sometimes there r problems with ppl who don't believe in evolution and cause problems. pls let my classes #b good. im not that worried. its just gonna b annoying as fuck. im not good at being authoritative #ugh. i should b reading papers so i dont look like too much of an idiot tomorrow. itll b fine im just an anxious freak. a lil over a week #until i can try to find a therapist. probably seek medication bc i dont kno how else to stop this bullshit. annoying. i grew up with a dad #who gets anxious abt the idea of taking too much medication when he tskes a single ibuprofen. in this household we feel pain and then we #die miserable. this is all his fault. we have the same brain.im just a lil more irradidic than him #its so funny i say that bc im like the least irradic person ever. i do the same things every god damn day. im just irradic in terms of #sometimes i feel like my brain is on fire and im a cry bby lol #whatever. enough bitching. ive got papers to read. or maybe ill just go to bed and read them tomorrow 🙄 #unrelated

[toastsnaffler]

I have to be up for work in 3 hours and I'm gonna be real I think ive hit the point where I might not be getting any sleep at all. for fucks sake.

#ive survived all nighters before ill scrape through the day itll just be Rough. at least i dont have much in my schedule #im not gonna take the dose this morning bc i think thats a really bad idea to do on zero hours sleep #and i can't risk two consecutive all nighters. like I have done that before but not while working full time 💀 its not worth it #drafting an email to my doctor to let her know im skipping day 2 + ask advice re. whether its worth resuming again on day 3 #bc she did list 'trouble sleeping' as a common symptom that often passes but i need to know a) how long it usually takes to pass and- #b) if this is unusually bad + would she rec supplementing with a sleep aid or just switching tack entirely and trialling a non stimulant #by this stage of the night i dont think its actually acting anymore bc i took it at 7am and its now 3am. it shouldnt last that long #i think its more just triggered my preexisting insomnia. my ability to sleep is very very sensitive sometimes + hates routine changes #just so fucking frustrating bc ive spent the past 2 months nailing my sleep routine + ive had a couple weeks of being able to- #go to bed like 9:30-10 and it only takes an hour to get to sleep and i get usually a good 7 hours sometimes 8 only waking once halfway #and i dont feel like utter shit like yeah im tired but from work not so much lack of sleep.... and now thats all fucked lmao #whatever. maybe i should just take the next dose anyway #ill see. gonna try to sleep for another 2 hours but once it hits 5 im not doing this anymore ive been trying for six hours already man #i cant even remember when i last pulled a full all nighter. it might be longer than 6 months ago... i was doing so well :-( #im so mad i was so hopeful it would have SOME good effect like ik its not a miracle worker + these things take time but so many people- #seem to have an immediate positive response even if its probably a placebo. and i got fuck all except This. #i was searching on the reddit for sleep issues and other ppl only seem to report bad ones on higher doses or years in.. #like damn. do i even have adhd then. ik thats a stupid thing to think bc obvs everyones body metabolises meds differently etc but still #it is ALMOST HALF 3 and i am FUCKING TIRED #UGH. alright bedtime round 189447383 #.diaries #.vent

[forestryfae]

basically i have to go home this weekend, cus its christmas next weekend and i need some extra time to prepare so i cant wait to go home until the 22nd. and its so fucking stressfull

first of all. i have to go home THIS weekend specifically so ill have time to clean and tidy enough for the house to be liveable to me for the next uhh. its only 2 weeks but it feels a little like 3.

which means i have to clean, tidy, move furniture around, throw away a bunch of garbage, do every dish in the cupboard and clean the cupboards, do a ton of laundry and wash the dryingracks, find somewhere to dry clothes too since the heater is shit and the ac is unuseable, and clean up after the cats im also gonna try to lower the amount of stuff in the kitchen a second time, i have stuff in my room here and i have a lot of things at home i just dont use much or i only cus it feels like i have to. if i have less stuff itll be easier to keep clean and tidy is like. my main takeaway from last cleanup.

i also have to clean my room here before i go and my brain is just not properly responding and ive been sleeping and been really tired all day lately so its hard to even get up. and its not like its impossible, i just need to move a few things out of the way, fold some clothes, throw out the garbage, get the laundry downstairs, and mop and wipe some dust and ill be done, but its so hard to even get started.

then theres packing. the worst part is i dont even know what i want to pack down yet, i wanna bring mostly comfy clothes and some of my hobby stuff, and i have some pots and pans id like to bring. maybe a handful of other stuff but i havent figured that part out yet, and i dont wanna have to deal with too much stuff on the train, but i also dont want it to be in the way here. so ill see ig? i also have to buy some food so ill just buy some veggies and milk and stuff tomorrow and go on monday or tuesday to pick up whatever im missing.

so like i kind of have control over everything i want to do and what needs to get done and when and how and so on. but its the part where i constantly want to nap and just executive dysfunction that makes things hard atm

#talkies

[fraener]

2/23/23

i got the job at the craft school! yesterday it snowed while i was at my interview and before, and after i was done i walked around in it for a while. hans made it to his destination and we talked on the phone 3 times today which was nice. i miss him a lot already. it snowed through the night and was very cold today. two of my coworkers are really good looking and charming so its good motivation to go to work i think. ill be planning and executing all original lessons to groups of 6-10 kids twice a week. not getting paid very much but i think itll be alright since itll be good for my resume. the teaching demo was weird but it went well. i did a cup with feet and demonstrated some wheel throwing techniques and they asked me a lot of questions that i didnt have the answers to like whether i thought it was possible to teach small children to throw or things like that. i feel sort of worried that i might have a hard time holding my boundaries against this place to work at and might not have much time to myself but i dont want another really empty summer i dont think. last summer was a strange void in so many ways, despite so much happening.  susan is really excited for me to do it, they think itll be really healing for cup and itll be good for me overall. i really miss karen. ive been spending a lot of time in my fort in the livingroom. school was cancelled today for the snow, which was powdery and fine and thin, but the ice coated the roads so no one could get in or out of the woods. i went for a walk with amy today and it was very very cold out. the sun felt really nice though and it was really nice to see her. she played substitute boyfriend in the evening and fed me and did the shopping for me and watched tv with me. i felt very washed out and tired today. i started my period and slept a lot of the day away and spent most of it lying down, which i think is alright since i did so much yesterday. class, then interview, then therapy. i still found myself just sort of waiting to go to bed in the evening after all of that though. i liked the presentation in class, it was about creative practices of observation and information collection. i went to see the snowdrops again with amy today, they were of course untouched by the snow. its incredible to think something so delicate looking could be so incredibly frost hearty. i feel good emotionally but i think i can feel this period will be worse than the last couple ive had. im very tired. im holding onto the image of the snow swirling around me like an arch to my shape, the wind being blocked bringing the flakes swirling inwards, a stillness in the sideways snow of the mild blizzard we had yesterday afternoon. wish i could journal like i used to. i feel like i have too much to say these days and so i lose the little details even though they feel just as if not more important than the rest. i want to keep trying.

[ribcagewolf]

i am having the busiest two weeks ever and i am nervous 24/7 :-)

#vent! and oversharing on the internet #two rehearsals #got asked to film something for the school and they fucked up our schedule :/ but 2/3 filming days done #going downtown for a meeting tuesday #an audition that couldnt have come at a worse time but i care abt it so im doing it anyways! #three halloween parties i guess i didnt have to go to but i love my friends #my besties birthday (need to pick up a gift when im downtown!1!!) #poetry project in writing class i care abt and want to do good on so bad but ive had no time to work on it #so itll be late and fuck up my midterm :( #winged a presentation and did well though #have an appt friday need to study for a test #screening weekend that im missing half of bc i need a break #i did a pitch but i didnt have time to work on it so obviously they need a new idea #gotta edit all the footage before wednesday #i should give some things up but like. i care about everything too much. #and i need this all for the future #i would probably be fine if i didnt have two rly bad episodes last week #i am spending hours everyday working on this audition i have like a 30% chance of getting and do not have time for #but i rly rly want this

[dramarising-replacement]

big eyes rant time

goddd okay i need to get this off of my chest (tl;dr at the bottom for lazy folks like me)

we're back to the eyes update, boys:

as a concept, different types of eyes beyond just different elements is great- it widens the scope for customization and special, rare eyes give people projects to work towards and make them spend money, which is good for the site's prolonged life.

howeeeeever- i strongly think the way they implemented it was pure bullshit.

 SCATTERSIGHTS

fucking scattersights, man. i hate the things and i know lots of you do as well. they were basically some random gambling mechanic that was available for /3 days only/ with NO warning and then they were retiring right after. as someone who joined almost just before that anniversary, i had no idea what the fuck was going on- i couldn't brew a single scattersight because my cauldron level was too low, didn't like coli because it felt boring and grind-y, and also i STILL don't quite know how people got there, despite BEING there for the fkn update!!

and i know a GREAT fucking way they could've done it:

NEVER RELEASED SCATTERSIGHTS!

at first, they can be breeding only, but as more updates roll in different methods of obtaining both natural and unnatural eye types appear, giving players good reason to make more use of more aspects of the site, and keeping that guaranteed, NON-rng based customization people come to fr /for/.

it keeps the community buzzed about the anniversary update long after it's ended, gives people reason to keep coming back to the game, AND allows them to get natural eyetypes on older/special id/sentimental dragons (which, let's be honest, is the community's main gripe with the whole thing).

2. "OH ITLL RUIN THE G1 MARKET!!"

with all due respect, your tomato/turquoise/navy light primal isn't going to sell for shit unless it's some super rich g1-only-lair that can also afford to spend untold amounts of fucking money on scatterscrolls. the G1 market was just fine before the eye update, and it will be even if primal g1s fill the market, because its main appeal has ALWAYS been about matchy colours.

plus, compared to other pet-sites FR hands out gems like sweets on halloween, it's not like your /actual/ wallets are going to suffer a dent because a) it's so easy to get gems the loss of getting huge profits from a primal g1 is basically negligible anyway and b) primal g1s are so fucking rare it's not like it'll substantially affect your flow of digital moneyes.

conclusion: i feel like ive missed something since i only covered like. 2 points but i feel better now i've screeched into a pillow drama blog about this cause i've had a lingering resentment for the eye update ever since i realized how fucking awfully it was implemented.

tl;dr staff could have done better by not releasing scattersights at all, instead making special eyes breeding-only at first and then making vials for natural and unnatural eyes available over time, or just release seperate vials that don't retire. also fuck your primal g1s, they probably look like shit anyway so have fun trying to sell them (this last bit isn't aimed at anyone in particular)

#Rant #Flight Rising #Cursing #Staff #Long post #Updates #Confessions #Petty #submission