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ranger-jedi-knight · 4 years

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A New Hero Chap 14

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20887313/chapters/59619589 Taglist: ASK AND YOU SHALL BE PUT ON~~!!!!

Ok, so here’s the next chap! Sorry about the wait, life got....interesting to say the least. At long last tho, we have Mari n Co heading to Gotham finally! Cant wait for the small reunion later this chap!! I FORGOT THE TWEETS AGAIN DAMNIT!!!!!! I am SOOOO sorry i WILL remember to keep addin them on at the ends!!!

“Your brother wants me and Lana to what?” Alya asked looking over at Dick tired.

“Stay put. Easy!” Dick replied and Alya glared at him.

“Uh, huh. He wants, me a Detective to not leave the precinct, and Lana, a college student to not move even tho she has cleanses to go to?” she repeated and Dick pressed his lips together.

“Ok, when you put it like that-” he started but got cut off by Alya putting her hand over Dick’s.

“Damian isn’t even here. Why does he care what we do since your his brother who should get his butt over to the airport since his flight should be landing in 20 or so minutes and its already 9:50. Get your ass over to that airport to give your brother a hug,” Alya said glaring and Dick yelped. “Ya, give a call when your getting back since well, you’ll see,” she said gripping his shirt and pulling him close and DIck swallowed the lump in his throat, “that Babs ain’t the only one to kick your ass into shape.”

A smirk grew on Dick’s face at that. “Is that a promise?” he teased and Alya scoffed pushing him back.

“You had your chance buddy. Now get outta here before I make you regret being late to seeing Damian arrive,” she said and Dick gave a mock salute before scurrying off, grabbing his keys as he ran while their fellow cops laugh around them.

“Did he really have a chance?” A British African American FBI agent asked as he watched Dick leave, his accent still going strong even tho he’s been in New Jersey for the last 5 years.

“Eh, possibly, Xavier. I do have eyes you know,” she said and Xavier snorted as he straightened his stack of papers. “Once maybe, until you realize he’ll only have eyes for Babs,” she continued and Xavier nodded.

“You’ll find love, I’m sure of it. If Shrek can find love as an Ogre, so can you,” Xavier said and Alya made a fake offended sound in response.

“Are you saying I look like an Ogre?” she asked and Xavier raised his hands in defense. “Not at all!” he said and some people hummed at that.

“It really sounded like it~!” the precincts secretary, Mira, hummed out with a smirk and Xavier glared over at her.

“Don’t anger the Goddess! She’ll rain down on you the wrath of almighty Zeus himself!” a different cop, Sarah she thought, shouted causing Alya to snort.

“I ain’t no Goddess, silly!” she shouted over to them. The cop in question, it was Sarah she can recognize that golden blonde ponytail anywhere, stuck her head out the break room with a look.

“No, you are a Goddess. Especially in that flowing dress, you wore for the Halloween party Dick threw,” she called and Alya rolled her eyes as some nodded agreement.

“You guys are ridiculous, get back to work,” she called and that had everyone nodding agreement while Alya chuckled to herself as she went to her desk. Xavier followed and leaned against the desk with his hip.

“Sticking a pin in that ‘Is Alya Grayson a Goddess or Not’ conversation,” he said chuckling softly, “I do hope whatever it is Dick’s brother has planned for you is nice,” he said and Alya smiled at him while nodding slowly.

“So do I. Now, isn’t Agent Fornell waiting for those documents your holding?” she asked and Xavier nodded with a smile.

“That he is. Talk to you later then. Goodbye!” he said beaming as he walked backward, waving to everyone who returned it before he left the precinct.

Alya shook her head as she pulled her phone out and texted Lana: Als: Heads up, Damian apparently wants you and I to stay put where we r

Eagle-eye: whys that???? We rnt the closest

Als: who knows. Dick was just sending the message. idk, maybe Mari wants to hug us when she arrives?

Eagle-eye: maybe. I dont got time to theorize, got a test to do

Als: GL!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mari was bouncing between Damian and Xander as they boarded the plane finally after waiting for so long. They had to deal with morning traffic which took forever it felt like before they arrived an hour and a half arrive before their flight left making sure they didn’t have to worry about security taking forever. And the whole time Mari stared at the desk with her leg bouncing.

With 30 minutes to spare, Ms. Bustier arrived, the last one too. The other students had converged in the gate slowly at different times but with enough time to not worry. But Ms. Bustier arrived with less than 30 minutes to spare causing her class to worry.

Which to say the least?

Was awkward.

Alya and the others that didn’t know sat at one side of the gate looking at Mari and the people that knew awkwardly. They felt bad but knew they messed up.

BIG time.

Like MEGA BIG TIME that a simple apology wouldn’t work. It didn’t help that Mari’s friends didn’t let them thru. Kim, Nino, Chloe, Sabrina, Max, Lila, Xan, and Adrien all glared at them while Damian focused on Mari. Meanwhile, Alya, Alix, Mylene, Ivan, and Rose all tried figuring out what they could do to earn favor back from Mari. Juleka was the only one in the pure neutral middle ground. She skimmed the email and knew a movie was being filmed.

But didn’t know Lila was lying for sure.

She could guess. When Mari tried saying that and the disagreed she figured she’d stay quiet. She didn’t need anyone else trying to make her life hell. So Mari was neutral toward the girl as she hasn’t been present at that moment. So she was silently supporting the group and offering tidbits to help them realize that they need to change themselves before trying to regain Mari’s trust and friendship.

Only Time Will Tell.

They boarded the plane and sat back for the long flight. Most of them slept during the trip. Mari and Lila included. The two leaned against each other while Xan and Damian talked. Well, Damian talked. Which was odd. But it distracted Xan from the anxiety pooling in his gut as they flew.

After some time, and some crackers, the dread settled down. Damian told him everything that’s happened in Gotham since he left. Some he didn’t like hearing. But as Damian reminded him, everything was ok. No one is hurt.

Soon after Damian finished, Mari and Lila woke up. Lila smiled as she and Damian switched seats and she took Xan’s hand into hers. “It’ll be fine. They’re going to be so happy to see you,” she said quietly and Xan nodded.

“Even knowing what happened?” he asked and Lila hummed, tracing a finger along the back of his hand in nonsensical patterns.

“Ya, I think so. I think that they’re just going to be so happy that you survived everything and came back to them. From what it sounds like, if you didn’t, you wouldn’t be here today,” Lila whispered leaning her head against his shoulder. In return, Xan lightly leaned his head against her head with a sigh.

“Ya, that’s what Damian said too. I know it’s true, but my head just keeps pushing all these doubts,” he mumbled.

“That’s fair. It’s been 8 years since you’ve seen them. Lana watched you get hit. And then, seemingly right before her eyes, you disappear. People change with time. But, those bonds? They don’t typically change. I bet they still miss you as if it was just yesterday,” she replied and Xan nodded slowly, placing his other hand over their hands, squeezing her hands.

“Thank you,” he whispered as they relaxed in their seats and played a movie for the rest of the flight.

“I hope they enjoy the surprise,” Mari whispered and Damian gave a small nod at that.

“I have no doubt that they’ll love it,” he said and Mari smiled softly at that.

“Ya, and they have you to thank for that,” she said and Damian gave a shrug.

“You did most of the work and helped him get better,” he pointed out and Mari smiled as she pressed a kiss to his cheek, a faint blush on her cheeks from doing that, not seeing Damian’s faint blush either.

“Well, I wouldn’t have been able to help if you hadn’t helped him escape. You may not have stayed, but you certainly did help,” she said softly and Damian nodded slowly at that. He remembered it clearly. Even tho it happened over a year ago, it was clear to him.

Damian had turned the GPS off the batjet and flew to Nanda Parbat. He remembered the boy that his mother kidnapped and brought back to life. He remembered training with him a couple of times to let him know he wouldn’t tolerate anything but perfection. He didn’t know what happened to the boy older than him when he left. But then he learned and regretted everything.

Xander was the little brother to Dick’s partner Alya who disappeared. He learned from Issi that Xan, or better known as Whisper in the League, was alive still and there. She had wanted to help get him out since she helped care for him, but she couldn’t without getting caught or killed for real. But now he’d fix the mistake he made.

It was quite easy to sneak into the building. He made his way to where he remembered his bedroom was. He knocked out any guard he saw and pounded on the door. Xan was wearing his training gear when he opened the door. He didn’t recognize Damian as the angry 9-year-old that beat him up when he first arrived. He was wearing all black with a hood and mask on to hide his identity. “W-who are you?” Xan asked suspiciously as he picked up the sword he kept next to the door.

“Do you want to stay here?” Damian asked and Xan looked at him confused.

“Wha-?”

“Do you want to stay here or escape? I can get you out,” he said and Xan glanced around before nodding slowly.

“I want to go back home,” he said and Damian nodded as he then started tugging Xan out. Damian was shocked he was still able to recognize Xan after all this time and all the changes. He wasn’t the same short, scrawny 11-year-old. He had filled out and was taller than Damian by quite a few inches.

“I’ll get you home then,” he said leading them out. As they ran out in the snow, Damian was behind Xan making sure he didn’t get hit. Which was a miracle in the storm, slipping on hidden ice as they ran. But he had been. So the best bet was to get him to Mari and Fu who would help him heal. So when he reached the outskirts of Paris, he cloaked and flew to an alley near the fight and helped Xan out. “This is as far as I can get you. I’m sorry,” he whispered as Xan gripped his head falling to the ground with his backed pressed to the wall.

“I just wish I could have brought him home all the way,” he whispered and Mari took his hand in hers and gave it a squeeze.

“You did what you could, Dami. He was hurt and needed help. If he had been taken directly to Gotham, who knows what would have happened,” she argued and Damian nodded slowly.

“Yes, I know. I just....when he recognized me when I saw the tat on his back. I....I wasn’t prepared to see the tat on his back and I forgot he was there still. So much happened since I got him out, I forgot he was with you. And he didn’t remember me helping him out. And I told him and he was happy. Even thou I didn’t get him out safely, he was happy,” he said at length and Mari once more squeezed his hand. “Well, that’s probably because he knew you did your best. You went back to get him out of that place unprompted. You could have left him there, but you didn’t. You got him out with only a head injury that made everything fuzzy. Give yourself credit, Dami,” Mari said and Damian gave her a small smile at the end of her little speech.

“Thank you,” he whispered and Mari beamed at him.

After some time, the plane landed and they went thru the sequence to leave. Mari smiled as she watched Dick hug Damian with his brothers behind him smirking at his mock displeasure. When Xan appeared talking to Lila, the entire Wayne Family froze in shock. “Y-you-!” Jason started shocked.

“Xander?” Dick asked, a heartbroken tone in his voice. Xan froze where he was and looked up at the family. He didn’t seem to be breathing as he nodded slowly. “Your alive,” he breathed out before making his way over and setting his hands on Xan’s shoulders. Dick started looking him over while the other two made their way over. He then pulled Xan in for a bone-crushing hug causing a surprise sound to leave Xan. “I’m so glad your alive,” he continued.

“Man, this is your surprise, Pixiepop?” Jason asked and Mari nodded with a smile. “They’re going to love it,” he said messing up both Xan’s and Mari’s hair.

“I hope so,” Mari said and Tim gave Mari a reassuring look.

“Mari, they are going to love this. Dont doubt yourself, you’ll see,” Tim said as the rest of the class left the plane.

“You got him?” Mari asked and the boys nodded as they followed everyone to baggage claim.

“Ya, just meet us at the precinct in 20 minutes. I wouldn’t want you to miss the surprise,” Dick replied and Mari smiled with a nod.

Mari-aculous @MDC_Designs The BIG SURPRISE is in 20 minutes~!! Cant wait to see their faces!!! #soexcited #sosoon #almostthere #surprises Dick @ FlyingGrayson Theyre going to LOVE it! Be prepared for lots of hugs Mari!!!

Ok, so here it is!!! The next chap!!! So this was takin while to push out that I decided I wanted to give the reunion scene a proper thing by giving it its own chap. Next chap we will see the Grayson Reunion!!!!! I cant wait for you guys to see it!!! until next time!! ~Love Willa<3<3<3

#fanfic #fanfic update #update #my writing #A New Hero #ANH #chap 14 #maribat #daminette #ml x dc #long time no update #my bad #lol #Lana Grayson #Alya Grayson #Xander Grayson

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softschnappi · 4 years

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A Different Kind of Hangout

So after literally FOREVER I had tons of motivation to write and I came up with this…its basically just smut but there’s some pretty cute fluff as well! What can I say, I love my boys…also it got super fluffy at the end idk wtf happened to me but 3am writing hit different

Warnings: nsfw, smut, dry humping, some dirty talk , swearing, you get the idea

Word Count: 4.9K

Summary: Will wants to fool around with Richie for the first time…summary sucks but pls read lol

NSFW under the cut!

“I’m bored,” Richie whined as he hit the spacebar on his laptop, pausing the shitty movie that was very disinteresting to him. He turned to Will, who was cuddled into his side, and asked him, “Do you still wanna watch?”

Will shook his head in response, before telling Richie that he was bored as well. The movie was a low-budget horror flick, the plot being so ridiculously stupid to the point where you couldn’t even make fun of it. Sticking Charlie Sheen in a conspiracy movie about aliens and dinosaurs alongside Molly Ringwald was definitely something not worth seeing it through to the ending. The problem was, they had already watched a bunch of youtube videos prior, as well as having previously watched everything they deemed “good” on Netflix.

“I’ve already seen BoJack too many times, we’ve seen Big Mouth, Shrek, yadda, yadda, yadda…” Richie trailed off as he sighed into his palm. Will hummed a quiet yeah in agreement and gently squeezed Richie’s interlaced hand, softly rubbing his thumb over the other’s.

Richie looked over to him and was now overwhelmed with the sight of his boyfriend. Will was absolutely gorgeous every minute of every day, but this day was a sunny day, pastel yellow rays of light shining in through Richie’s bedroom window, cascading upon Will’s features. His bright hazel eyes were glimmering as he focused on fiddling with Richie’s hand, his hair was the slightest bit messy, looking adorably…floofy, as Richie always describes it, and the gleaming light made his skin appear the softest thing in the world, as if Richie’s calloused hands on him would cause scratches would appear.

Will let out a small squeak as Richie ripped his hand apart from his own and pinched his cheek.

“You’re just so cute!” He cooed, earning an annoyed glance from Will, who just laid there and took it. His Grandma used to pinch his cheek whenever he, Jonathan, and Joyce visited her in the country, and it doesn’t hurt any less now that he was in college and all grown up. In fact, Richie pinches his cheeks harder.

Richie pulled his hand away and closed his laptop, leaning up slightly to place it on his bedside table. He rolled onto his side and ran a hand through Will’s hair, raising it up through his fingers and watching it flop back down each time.

“Do you wanna just make out?” Will asked, avoiding eye contact, suddenly finding the drawstrings of his - Richie’s - sweatshirt to be very fascinating. He and Richie have been together for over a year, but Will was still on the shy side when it came to certain things. Richie told him he would never say no to kissing and cuddling, but Will always feared asking because that’s what being shy all your life does to you. Even though he’d become more confident and social over the past handful of years, Will just wished that Richie could just read his mind and automatically know that he wants a goodbye kiss or a hug without him actually having to ask.

Richie chuckled, “I was just about to say that!” Before cupping Will’s face and leaning in to press his lips against him. Will smiled into the kiss and wrapped his arm around Richie’s waist, pulling him closer so that they were chest to chest.

They stayed like that for a while, passionately connecting their lips together, before Richie’s tongue swiped across Will’s bottom lip. Will opened his mouth and allowed Richie’s tongue to enter his mouth, both of them lightly giggling at the weird sensation of their tongues touching. It was nothing new, but they didn’t know if they’d ever get used to the first few seconds of it. Will cringed at the flavour of ground beef and Coca Cola washing over his taste buds, recalling the Taco Bell breakfast - yes, breakfast since Richie woke up craving diabetes - date they had earlier in the day. Regardless, he still enjoyed the way his and Richie’s tongues danced lazily with each other and sighed in bliss.

However, Will’s dick had some other ideas. He felt it twitch in his pants and knew he had to be careful here. Because of how horny he’d been all week, and had been prone to masturbate more than usual, his mind was being filled with suggestive ideas. However, this was the first time he was getting aroused by a makeout session, or at all in someone’s presence.

Growing up, Will’s hormones weren’t all over the place as opposed to his friends, who’s main priorities seemed to all lie in sex, sex, and more sex. Dustin, Mike, and Lucas all had girlfriends, while Will was struggling with his sexuality, so it made sense. Over the years after he came to terms that he was gay, he figured out what got himself going and touched himself the odd night, but he didn’t want anyone actually putting their hands on him outside what happened in his head. It wasn’t until a few months ago that he found himself wanting to be sexually involved with Richie. Will knew as a teen that eventually one day he would be comfortable enough with someone to let them see his private places, but even though his dick twitched again inside his pants as Richie began peppering kisses along his jaw, he wasn’t quite ready to expose that part of himself yet. However, he still wanted to do something, particularly involving one fantasy of his in which he often humped his pillow to.

Will waited until Richie took his lips off of his neck and kissed him again, placing his hands on his chest and gently pushing him on his back. Richie sighed into Will’s mouth as the latter hovered over him. Moments later, Will swung a leg over Richie’s crotch, lowering himself to sit just inches away from his dick. They’ve made it a rule to leave x amount of space between Richie’s dick and Will when he’s sitting in his lap (it was rarely the other way around) to avoid unwanted boners. And it worked pretty well. Richie would speak up if Will accidentally moved a little too close, and Will would stumble out an apology and scoot backwards, and they would continue doing whatever. But this time, he wanted Richie to get hard.

Richie slid his hands down Will’s waist and down to his ass, giving it a good squeeze before raising his hand and delivering a firm smack to his right cheek. Will let out a shriek that dissolved into a small hum. Richie loved having his hands on his ass, and Will often wondered what else Richie might like to do with his ass– and okay, woah, he needed to calm down, and more importantly keep his dick down at least for now.

Beginning to mouth at Richie’s neck, Will moved his hips forward so that he was sitting over the invisible boundary line on Richie’s crotch.

“Baby,” Richie panted, licking his lips and letting his head fall back onto a pillow. “You might wanna, y’ know, back up a little…”

When Will kept quiet and continued to press hot, open-mouthed kisses to his neck, Richie let out a whine. He did not want to sprint to the bathroom out of humiliation and have to jerk off while Will was in his room, waiting for him to come back and continue to simply kiss him.

“Baby, ‘m gonna get hard…”

Will pulled off and wrapped his arms around Richie’s neck, the long sleeves of his boyfriend’s stolen sweater flapping as he did so, and rested his head on his shoulder. He was extremely grateful to have such a caring boyfriend like Richie, who completely understood that Will wasn’t ready for anything sexual when he brought up taking things to third base in their relationship a long while ago, and Will’s wish to keep things as they are, with makeouts and ass grabs. Richie told him that once he decided he was ready, he would always ask permission to touch him to make sure that he was okay with everything, but said that Will didn’t need to ask to touch him. I will literally never say no, He remembered Richie explaining, If you get home and really want some dick, just use me as you please, no words needed. I’ll be more than happy to assist the monsieur! As…charming as that conversation was, Will didn’t feel right going ahead with this without Richie’s verbal consent.

“Um…” He whispered into Richie’s ear, before feeling his cheeks heat up, causing him to bury his head in the crook of Richie’s neck. Of course, things were just starting to get good and he had to get all shy. When he didn’t move, Richie asked him if there was something wrong. “N-No, no…I, uh,” Will started, screwing his eyes shut even though he knew Richie couldn’t see him. “I’m doing it on purpose…like, not moving back…because I kinda wanna, um, you know…is that okay?”

There was silence for a moment, and Will’s heart was beating out of his chest. He was ready to run out of the room until Richie spoke up.

“Oh…” He said quietly, and then it really clicked. “Oh. Oh! Oh, fuck! Okay, yeah, I get it now,” Richie laughed, calling himself an idiot. His demeanour shifted to a kid in a candy store, asking Will what exactly he wanted to do, his cock beginning to prick up at the idea of finally getting some action with his boyfriend.

Will pulled away from Richie’s neck and faced him, cheeks dusted a rosy pink and his lip flushed between his teeth. Richie couldn’t help but lean up and kiss him.

“Well,” Will began after they parted, eyes glued to Richie’s mug on his bedside table. “I-I wanna keep my clothes on. I don’t want you to see…down there yet.” Richie nodded. He sensed Will’s insecurity in regards to the whole situation and rubbed a hand up and down his back to soothe him a little bit. “But, I still wanna…you know…”

“You want me to give you a handjob over your clothes?” Richie guessed.

“No…” Will replied, but fuck, he never even thought of that. “Well, maybe another time, but I wanna stay in this position…and…move-”

Richie snapped his finger and pointed it at Will. “You wanna grind on me!”

“Would you like a prize?” Will groaned, hand covering his beet-red face.

“The ‘prize’ is gonna be you humping me, baby, fuck…” He groaned, his dick further hardening in his sweatpants. Richie could get fully hard in two minutes, and it was looking like he was going down that road. It was a high probability that Will could feel his dick poking his thigh, but he didn’t say anything about it if he did.

Will didn’t remove his hand from his face after a few moments, and Richie resumed the position of rubbing his back. “Hey, I know I’m never serious, but you better cherish it because I’m going to be right now. If you wanna do this, then let’s do it. We’ll find a good rhythm and it’ll feel really good. If you don’t wanna do it, or wanna stop in the middle then you just tell me. I have no problem with that, okay? I just want to make sure you feel comfortable and enjoy this, and I want you to know that I would never make fun of you if you do something wrong, or come too early, or fart or something, because some things are just bound to happen,” He shrugged his shoulders, “So you have nothing to be embarrassed about, baby, okay?”

Will slowly put his hands back around Richie’s neck and looked into his eyes. He felt much more relaxed because Richie was telling the truth. This wasn’t going to play out perfectly or like studio porn because they were only doing this for the first time, and plus, Will wasn’t getting naked so he didn’t have to fret too much about his body. However, he was still a little on edge because he and Richie weren’t entirely in the same boat. This was going to be Will’s first time doing anything sexual with someone, while Richie, on the other hand, had already lost his virginity before college. He’d admitted that he and his best friend Beverly screwed around here and there, but it was never anything serious. Still, he had more experience than Will, which put a small damper on any confidence he had. However, Will had to push the thought out of his head because this was going to be Richie’s first sexual encounter with a boy, so there was going to be some shared firsts.

“Okay…thank you. I don’t know who you are and what you did with my boyfriend, but-” Will paused upon Richie bursting into laughter and titling himself as Gandhi, which made no sense, but Will just snickered along. “Seriously, I want this.”

Richie vigorously nodded his head. “Okie Dokie! And I know you said you wanted to keep your clothes on, so would you wanna do this in our boxers? I mean, it eliminates two layers, and I think it’ll feel better, but it’s all up to you.”

Will thought about it for a long moment, having only imagined doing this with everything on, but recognized Richie’s point that it would feel better without pants, and nodded his head. “Yeah, okay.”

He rose up and hovered over Richie’s lower half, hooking his hands inside the waistband of his sweatpants, pulling them down to his ankles before Richie kicked them fully off. Will knew Richie was hard, he could feel his dick against him a few moments ago, but seeing the large tent in his grey boxers made his mouth go dry as he felt a wave of arousal wash over him, blood rushing down to his own hardening cock. When he tore his eyes away to look up at his face, Richie was blushing.

Will crawled towards him and kissed him before they switched positions. Richie pulled down his black track pants and slipped his ankles out of the cuffs before balling it up and throwing it across his room. As he was about to look back to Will and get down to business, he jumped off of the bed and locked his door. He almost forgot to do that, and what a story it would be if Bill came back to the dorm anytime soon and saw some things he shouldn’t. Richie turned back to the beauty on his bed and smirked at him.

“Can this be the part where we get even and I stare at your dick?”

“Shut up!” Will giggled and instinctively closed his legs, before opening them again a few moments after. “Although…I guess it’s only fair, but I’m only a little bit hard…”

Richie could tell. Will was drowning in his sweater, the bottom sightly draping over his crotch, but Richie could still recognize the small bulge in his blue boxers. It wasn’t as prominent as his own, but the only thing he cared about at the moment was the soon reality of Will grinding against him, using him to make himself feel good.

He crawled back on the bed and laid beside Will, the latter resuming to hover over Richie. Panic washed over him as he realized he needed to find a good position, and he gulped. But Richie flew to action, as usual, and wrapped his arms around Will’s waist, pulling him close, but Will’s hips still remained to hover. He assured Richie that he wasn’t going to back out, but he was still a little anxious. They decided to put on some music to try and relieve the stiff tension of silence in the room, and Will thought to himself that rock ‘n’ roll wasn’t exactly the most appropriate for the situation, but it did make things a little less awkward.

Richie would’ve bucked his hips up to make the first move, but Will was too far back, so he couldn’t. But he decided he’d need to give him a little push in the right direction. He leaned up and connected their lips whilst he rubbed Will’s back, and pulled back after Will sighed into his mouth.

“Come on and make yourself feel good baby,” Richie prompted, smirking to himself as he watched Will shut his eyes and bite his lip.

That was it. Of course Richie would be good at talking like he was straight out of Will’s wet dreams. Of course he would be. Will felt his cock begin to ache at his words and decided to get this show on the road. It was no different than what he did in the privacy of his own room, sticking a pillow between his legs and rutting against it until he came, imagining it was Richie anyway, but now he was finally going to be doing the real thing, so he pushed all of his worries behind him. Will sucked in a shaky breath, wrapped his arms around Richie’s neck while he kissed him, and lowered his hips down until he felt his cock lightly brush against his boyfriend’s. They both lightly gasped, barely audible over the music playing, and Richie’s hands flew to Will’s ass, pushing him fully down onto his crotch.

Will weakly thrust his cock against Richie’s, burying his face into the crook of his neck, holding back a whimper at the delicious friction in an attempt to keep silent, as opposed to Richie, who let out a low groan as he bucked his hips up at the same time. Will was much too embarrassed to let any noises slip, unwilling to expose any more parts of himself, but as they picked up a steady rhythm, Richie wondered if Will was enjoying himself. He was cursing and moaning, while Will was solely panting against his neck.

“Will, baby, are you– does this feel good?”

He felt Will nod into his neck, followed by a muffled, “Feels so good.”

“Okay, just making sure,” Richie squeezed his ass before letting out a small grunt as Will jutted his hips forward again. “It’s just because I don’t hear anything and I worry…”

Will mumbled about it being embarrassing, and Richie did his best to reassure him that it’s definitely not embarrassing, but rather hot and a turn on. Will agreed that he liked hearing Richie moan, and the latter told him he would sound so cute if he let the filter slip a little, gently begging him to make some noise for him. One thing about Richie is that he could be quite convincing sometimes, and as a result, in the next few moments Will was letting out soft uh uh uh ‘s into Richie’s ear.

Richie’s dick twitched as he listened to Will and felt his hot breath on his ear. He let out a loud fuck as he leaned his head back onto the pillow. He was so fucking hard in his boxers, cock sticking straight up and stretching the fabric, and he could feel the slightest amount of wetness on his tip. Will wasn’t much different, cock curved to the left inside of his boxers, throbbing and leaking as well.

Raising his head, Will sloppily pressed his lips to Richie’s, shoving his tongue inside of his mouth. Richie tightened his grasp on Will’s ass, pushing him forward and guiding him to move his hips faster. He broke away instantly, turning his head to the side, eyebrows scrunching together and mouth falling slack as he let out a small whimper at the sudden rush of pleasure. Richie couldn’t help but bite at his throat until Will retreated back to burying his face into his neck.

“You’re so fucking cute,” Richie groaned out, “Grinding on me while wearing my sweater, like shit, baby, you could kill me.” Will panted, That’s the goal, into his ear and mouthed at his neck. “I gotta ask,” Richie started, cursing as the friction his cock was receiving began to steadily build a knot in his stomach. “Did making out really rile you up this much?”

“B-Been horny all week,” Will replied, internally screaming because he would never dare say that out loud on a regular day. “Why did I tell you that?” He groaned.

Richie lowly chuckled, “You can’t think straight when you’re feeling so good. Also, welcome to my life whenever you come around.”

“I-I make you horny when we hang out?”

“Fuck yes, I was horny at Taco Bell this morning, I just hide it well and keep it in my pants.”

Will let out an unbashful moan and quickly slapped a hand over his mouth. Oops, he accidentally let one slip. But he forgot about it within seconds, and ground his cock down harder against Richie’s, chasing the waves of pleasure that ran down his spine. Feeling the increased dampness of the fabric around his tip, the tightening of his balls, and his cock having a full-on heartbeat, Will knew he was going to last about five minutes or less.

“F-Fuck, Richie, what do you think about?”

Noticing the sudden change in Will’s behaviour, Richie figured he was getting closer, and he wasn’t too far behind. He bit his lip, bucked his hips up faster, and explained to Will, “I just wanna make you feel good, baby. I-I want you to moan my name, I wanna suck your cock, stick a couple of fingers in you before I fuck your cute little ass real good…” Richie moaned at his own words, feeling the knot in his lower stomach growing.

“Oh, keep talking, please, I’m close!” Will whined loudly, not caring what he sounded like anymore, he was too far gone. He sped his hips up, grinding as fast as he could, cock begging for release.

Richie internally laughed for a moment, having thought nobody would ever ask him to continue talking instead of shutting the fuck up, but shook his head and got back to reality. Will was shaking in his arms, humping him like there was no tomorrow, and the sight was the hottest fucking thing he’d ever seen.

“I masturbate to you every night,” Richie moaned, “ I come so hard thinking about you, making you feel good. Last night I imagined sucking you off underneath the table while you draw–”

“Holy fucking shit, yes!” Will practically shouted.

“Yeah? You want me to do that, baby?” Richie panted against Will’s neck.

“Yes yes yes yes yes! Oh shit–I’m gonna–I’m gonna-”

“That’s it, baby, be a good boy and cum for me,” Richie whispered, unknowing of where this sudden pet name came from, but boy did it have a magical effect on Will.

He pulled Richie in as close as he possibly could and stilled his hips, letting out a loud string of cries as he came, boxers filling up with shot after shot of hot cum. Richie could feel it seeping through the fabric, and faster than he could even let Will know, his back arched and he was coming into his own boxers with a roar. Will was trembling in Richie’s arms, and both of their orgasms seemed to go on forever, loud moans echoing the bedroom, but Will eventually slumped down into Richie’s hold, breathing heavily and heartbeat pounding in his ears. Richie was trying to catch his breath as his body relaxed into the mattress, and both of their energy was completely drained, neither one making any move to get up.

Will felt as if his cheeks were on fire, stinging with heat as he came back to his senses and realized that he really just had the most intense orgasm of his life from grinding on his boyfriend…and also came in his underwear and oh my fucking shit he came in his underwear and it felt disgusting and there was probably an enormous stain–

“Hey, you alive?” Richie poked his back.

“Yeah.”

“Good. That was fucking amazing!”

“Yeah, it was,” Will smiled, pecking him on the cheek.

There was silence for a moment.

“So…” Richie started, turning to face Will. “Do you actually wanna do that stuff I said? Or did you just say yes in the heat of the moment…”

Will reached up and began swirling Richie’s hair with his fingers. “I do, but not yet. I mean, you haven’t even seen my dick yet, but we can work up to everything if you want to do it too.”

Eagerly nodding, Richie replied, “Fuck yes. Yes, I want to. Whenever you’re ready, though. I don’t want to put any pressure on you.”

“Thank you,” Will hummed and gently pressed his lips against Richie’s.

“Of course,” Richie said, “So, about you being horny all week–”

Will cringed and sat up on Richie’s lap. “Uh, we don’t need to talk about that…” He placed his hands in front of his crotch as he looked at Richie.

“Nuh-uh, you don’t get out of it,” Richie motioned for Will to take his hands away. “We’re both sporting a lake here, so lemme see.”

Slowly pulling his hands back, Will let Richie look at his stained boxers. He looked to Richie’s, and couldn’t help but giggle as he noticed a recognizable pattern in the mess. Richie looked up to him, his face deadpanned, and eyebrow raised as if to say, What the fuck are you laughing at?

“Oh, no I’m not–I would never–” Will just pointed to his crotch. “It looks like a heart!”

Richie looked down, cracking into a smile. “Holy shit, it does! Just for you, baby,” He said, making kissing noises in Will’s direction. “And I think I see a pattern in yours! It’s…a fuck ton of cum!”

“Charming,” Will replied. He looked down for the first time, and yeah, that is a fuck ton of cum. It was drying too, and becoming sticky and gross. “I think I need to go clean up. But I’m all sweaty, so can I take a shower?”

“Mi casa es su casa! Just wash out your boxers and put them in my laundry, I’ll wash it for you.” Richie was definitely going to wash it. Totally not right after he jerked off to it. No way!

When Will climbed off of the bed, Richie went into his closet and fetched him a towel. “Now, do you want to go commando when you get out or do you want to borrow one of my boxers?”

Will’s eyes lit up at the idea of getting to wear something of Richie’s. He loved wearing or using anything that belonged to his boyfriend, like his sweater and towel. He’s even stolen a few shirts from Richie’s dresser when he uses the bathroom. “I’ll just borrow yours, but I think my pants are dirty too,” He innocently complained, but Richie saw right through him.

“Oh yeah? Is my sweater, too? Do you want me to give you another one?”

“You gave this to me! And no, I think it’s just fine the way it is.”

Richie playfully shook his head as he got out a pair of red track pants, a pair of boxers, and a bonus Motley Crue t-shirt to make Will happy because why the hell not. He liked to tease Will for his obsession of wearing his stuff, but he couldn’t deny that he didn’t look absolutely adorable in everything.

Richie laid on the bed scrolling on his phone, patiently waiting for Will to return. He’d picked out his own clothes to change into once he took a shower afterwards, and luckily, Will only took a few minutes and was soon back in the room. Richie did a double-take on him because it looked like Will was being swallowed by his clothes. Will was shorter than he was, so the pants slightly dragged on the floor and the t-shirt looked more like a short dress than anything. His hair was long and wet, no longer looking floofy, unfortunately, but he still looked-

“So fucking cute,” Richie squealed at him, hopping off the bed and pinching his cheek once again.

Will whacked his hand away. “Stop it!” He lightly laughed.

Richie couldn’t believe how lucky he was to end up with a complete treasure like Will, but he wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. And even though he’d spent all day with him, it still wasn’t enough.

“Hey, why don’t you stay the night?” Richie invited, “We can eat nearly expired iced cream and I promise we’ll find something fun to do!” Ever since mid-terms began, they each balanced their time between studying and hanging out, which meant neither of them stayed overnight. But now that bullshit was done and over so Richie wanted to make up for lost spooning in the night and burnt toast breakfasts.

“Yeah, sure, but I don’t care about doing something fun, I just wanna cuddle with you for hours after you shower…” Will looked up at him dreamily. “So get to it! You smell!”

“Yes, sir!” Richie saluted and slapped Will’s ass as he walked out of the room.

He grinned to himself the entire time he was in the shower. They seriously just humped each other and came together! What the fuck! Richie would be furious if he awoke from a dream any second, but luckily it was real. Everything was real. What a lovesick puppy he was.

When he came back to the room, Will was bundled up on his bed in the blankets and had his arms outstretched for Richie to climb in with him. He looked like a giant fluffy marshmallow, and Richie would be damned if he didn’t dive into bed and hold him in his arms for as long as possible. Hopefully forever.

#i love my babies #ryers #notsfw #richie tozier #will byers #stranger things #it

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haleths · 4 years

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BIG thank you to @going-there-and-back-again for tagging me in this!! I’m so sorry for the delay, it’s been a busy week ♡ ♡ ♡

1. Do you prefer writing with a black pen or a blue pen? I used to write in black pen religiously but now I’ll happily use either

2. Would you prefer to live in the country or in the city? Somewhere in between?? I adore the countryside and would absolutely looovveeee to live there, but I’m also very lazy and would lose my mind if I had to drive 30 minutes to find a supermarket

3. If you could learn a new skill, what would it be? Ice skating, skateboarding, rollerblading. Don’t ask me why, I just think people who can do that stuff are cool as HECK

4. Do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar? Nope. I drink tea no sugar, no milk. Cause I’m hardcore

5. What was your favourite book as a child? Malory Towers, oh my god PLEASE tell me someone else read those as a kid! I fell asleep listening the audio books every night and named all my Barbies after the main characters.....

6. Do you prefer baths or showers? Showers

7. If you could be a mythical creature, which one would you be? DRAGON. I WNNA BE A DRAGON

8. Paper or electronic books? Paper. Gotta get that new book smell

9. What is your favourite item of clothing? I own the BEST oversized, knitted jumpers. I’m counting down the days till autumn when I can wear them again

10. Do you like your name? Would you like to change it? I really don’t like my name, I never have. My parents were going to call me Juliet which is wayyyy better than Ashleigh. But it would feel weird to answer to any other name at this point, so I’ll probably just leave it...

11. Who is a mentor to you? My therapist??

12. Would you like to be famous? If so, what for? Hmmm, kind of. I value my privacy too much to be like FAMOUS famous, but it’d be nice to be recognised occasionally or be known in society in some lowkey way

13. Are you a restless sleeper? It usually takes me a while to get to sleep but once I’m out, I’m OUT

14. Do you consider yourself to be a romantic person? I’ve not felt a Romantic Feeling™ in over 10 years so you tell me

15. Which element best represents you? Air

16. Who do you want to be closer to? No one. I’m really content with all my relationships atm

17. Do you miss someone at the moment? No (I'm a real people person, can you tell?)

18. Tell us about an early childhood memory: I remember listening to the Shrek soundtrack on repeat and making up dances for each song. I then performed the whole thing one Christmas to my entire family.... let’s move on

19. What is the strangest thing you have eaten? Ostrich. It tastes kind of like meaty chicken

20. What are you most thankful for? My mental/physical health, my job, my home. I know that lockdown has been hard for many people and I’m very privileged to be able to say that I've been doing just fine. I do not take that for granted and I’m extremely thankful

21. Do you like spicy food? Oooooo yeeessssss, I put paprika on e v e r y t h i n g

22. Have you ever met someone famous? No, but I’m not sure I’d want to. Spotting someone from a distance is fine, but going up and talking to them? Interrupting their day with my incessant rambling? Absolutely not

23. Do you keep a diary or journal? I did for 6 months when I was 13. I get it out sometimes whenever I need a good cringe.

24. Do you prefer to use pen or pencil? Pen for writing, pencil for drawing

25. What is your star sign? Libra sun, Aries moon, Aquarius rising

26. Do you like your cereal crunchy or soggy? Soggy (I’m so sorry)

27. What would you want your legacy to be? Oh god, I don’t know... I’d like to leave the world in a better state than I found it? To have done some good, made some change

28. Do you like reading? What was the last book you read? You see, I want to like reading, but I just suck at it. My concentration goes after like 10 minutes and I often get stuck on one book for months. I’m currently attempting to reread The Silmarillion

29. How do you show someone you love them? By giving them my time and attention. Being alone is my default state so you know that if I’m actively choosing to spend time with you, I must really care about you

30. Do you like ice in your drinks? I guess. I’ll have it at a restaurant for example, but I’d never buy ice to use at home

31. What are you afraid of? F a i l u r e

32. What is your favourite scent? Watermelon, or anything sweet/fruity

33. Do you address older people by their name or surname? First name

34. If money was not a factor, how would you live your life? I wouldn’t live it too differently to now tbh. I’d still want to work, I don’t know what I’d do otherwise! I’m really not into possessions so it’s not like I’d be out there living the luxury lifestyle. Obviously money = security so I’d be grateful for that

35. Do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean? Swimming pools

36. What would you do if you found $50 on the ground? Leave it there?? I wouldn’t want to get involved idk...

37. Have you ever seen a shooting star? Did you make a wish? No, I never have :(

38. What is one thing you would want to teach your children? Acceptance, of themselves and others

39. If you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it? It’d have to be something simple, like a symbol or line drawing or something, wherever it would hurt the least

40. What can you hear right now? Kids screaming outside (they’re just playing, it’s fine)

41. Where do you feel the safest? Home, definitely.

42. What is one thing you want to overcome/conquer? My low self-esteem. I think we’d all be unstoppable if we thought more of ourselves

43. If you could travel back to any era, what would it be? The 80′s for the music. The Renaissance for the art. And Medieval times for the DRAGONS

44. What is your most used emoji? 🙃

45. Describe yourself using one word: Enthusiastic

46. What do you regret the most? I’m not sure that I regret anything... I dropped out of university over 3 years ago so obviously further education was the “wrong” choice for me. But I love my life right now and I’d never have made it here if it wasn’t for the mistakes I made

47. Last movie you saw? Arrival. SO good

48. Last TV show you watched? Sex Education. SO SO good

49. Invent a word and its meaning:

CHESTURE verb | ches • ture 1. The unbearable frustration when you feel when struggling to perform a precise, intricate task e.g. threading a needle ↪ “Damn, I just can’t thread this needle! I am so chestured!”

I’ll throw this out to anyone who’s bored and feels like answering some personal questions ♡ ♡ ♡

#thanks again :)#tag game #long post

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purplesurveys · 4 years

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921

LOL was gone for a while to attempt doing that ridiculous 5000 survey myself again and I really thought I was going to breeze through it this time. 2 1/2 weeks and 2500 questions later, I need a fucking break. Need normal surveys plz.

What was the best thing to happen to you this week? Got to visit Gabie today! I brought Cooper as well so that she, her sisters, and their puppy Tofu could finally meet him. Fun day, but I am beat. The blackout yesterday also made me revisit painting, and that felt so good too.

Where do you put your keys when you get home? It always differs, idk why I never picked up a routine. Sometimes I set it on the dining table, other times on the decorative table in the living room, and other times I bring it up with me to my room.

Do you prefer hot coffee or iced coffee? I preferred hot (warm would be more accurate) for the longest time but once I went iced, I never wanted to go back.

What's your phone background picture? I recently changed my lock screen to one of Audrey Hepburn. My home screen is still Hayley Williams.

If you could move to any country, what would it be? Anywhere with a clean and honest government sounds like heaven.

Have you ever seen a snake in the wild? No. Can’t say there’s a lot of them here in the city, and I’ve never seen any in my trip to provinces either.

What's your favourite movie from the 80s? Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.

Do you have any posters, paintings or other artwork on your walls? I have at least one of each of these, yes.

What would your dream wedding be like? Huge. I’d want a long guest list, expansive food choices, and acts that can provide good music throughout the evening. I never really throw parties for myself, so I would want at least my own wedding to be big.

Would you ever take a trip to space if given the chance? Yesssssss.

How do you cope with anxiety? I'm lucky to have found different outlets, so that said I usually choose from taking surveys, watching a favorite channel on YouTube, turning to my dogs, going to social media to see dumb memes, or taking a nap altogether. Of course there’ll always be those days where none of these work out and I’ll have to just cry through the anxiety attacks until they’re over.

Are you expecting any phone calls or emails? I’m expecting an email from my college, yes. I’m currently applying for civil service eligibility and they’re asking for documents that only the college can provide, so I emailed them a couple of days ago asking for assistance, and that’s considering we’re still under a lockdown and most offices are still under skeleton staffing.

What's the weather like in your part of the world right now? LOVELY. I actually wear oversized sweaters to bed now and I even managed to wear a thick denim jacket out today. The rainy weather has settled beautifully, and I’m perfectly fine with 24ºC-28ºC everyday.

What was the last takeout food you ate? My mom bought me and my siblings a chicken sandwich and chicken nuggets each from McDonald’s last week.

Who makes you laugh the most? Definitely someone from my college barkada. I can’t decide whether it’s Aya, Kate, JM, or Jum; they’re all equally hilarious as fuck.

Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you? See these questions are always weird to me because my country has its own naming customs; it’s basically a mix of American and Spanish customs. We have two first names (where Westerners would understand their second ‘first’ name to be their middle name) and our actual legal middle name is our mother’s maiden surname (which I think doesn’t apply at all in the Western world). So to answer this I’ll go with our own customs and say that no, I don’t know of anyone who has the same middle name as me. It’s not a very common surname anyway.

What did you have done the last time you saw a dentist? Had a tooth removed. I don’t think it was a wisdom tooth; it was just a tooth at the back of my mouth that had been in pretty bad shape for years but was only discovered at that time.

What does a successful relationship look like to you? I believe the formula is different for every couple. Like I value constant communication and checkups, but others might not feel the need to be clingy or update their significant others all the time.

What do you like to put on your baked potato? Don’t really have these a lot, but I remember when my mom used to make baked potatoes with bacon and cheese and those were unbelievably good.

What field of science interests you the most? Biology. <3 I’m sure I would’ve taken up medicine if I only wasn’t so bad in the rest of the sciences.

What's the closest shop or restaurant to your house? There aren’t any nearby shops since I live in a gated community, but once you get out of the village’s main gate, the first thing to the left is a McDonald’s. To the right is a small complex with a hair salon, burger place, music school, and one of those boujee stores that sell hype clothing.

Do you have any family that live in another country? So many relatives. We’re Filipinos, man. We migrate everyfuckingwhere. As far as I know I have family living in the US, Canada, Vietnam, Japan, China, Australia, and New Zealand.

What colour is your couch? Gray.

Do you know how to care for plants and keep them alive? Not at all. Every single plant that I’ve been given as a gift or party giveaway has died on me.

What was the most memorable birthday you've had? 18th was awesome. Cruise trip, hotel stay with friends, Tiendesitas + noodle date with Gab. How I got away with three separate celebrations without my parents saying anything about it I’ll never know.

Would you rather go to the beach or the mountains? Beach. The area where I live is mountainous as it is; as someone who’s always lived and studied in the city, a trip to the beach in the province never gets old.

What do you do for work? I don’t have any yet but I’m waiting for openings for our national agency for either history, or culture and the arts. My plans have shifted recently and I’m now eyeing to work for either instead of rotting away while underpaid at a corporate agency.

Have you ever been to see the circus? No. I wouldn’t be interested either; they all just seem so harsh and unethical.

Are there any words that you hate or make you cringe? Sure.

What is the best house you've ever lived in? The one we live in today has been the most comfortable; but I also hold a lot of nostalgia for my dad’s parents’ house in Tondo because of how raw Manila life was there. Life wasn’t pretty, but it did feel real.

What was the first CD you ever bought? The first CD I actively wanted my parents to buy for me was probably the High School Musical soundtrack, heheh.

Do you look in the mirror before you leave the house? Yeah, always. Wanna make sure my shirt is tucked in properly (if it is), or that my jeans aren’t cuffed funny or whatever else.

What's the most unusual thing you've ever eaten? I’ve mentioned this before but it was the Indian dessert gulab jamun. Really did not expect the flavor that came in when it hit my mouth.

Have you ever seen someone quit their job in a dramatic way? I’ve never had a legit job, but when Jeuel quit the org a couple of years ago because of ~irreconcilable differences~ between him and us officers in the executive board it did feel a tad bit dramatic and passive-aggressive.

What movie reminds you of your childhood? Shrek 2 or The Game Plan.

Do you know why your parents named you what they did? The singer named Robyn was really big then and they ended up being fans of the name.

Do you have any bills that need to be paid? None of my own. My parents usually pay the family bills immediately, so I don’t think we have any pending payments for now.

What do you like to dip your fries in? Mayonnaise.

Is your house clean or messy right now? It’s always clean as my mom is extremely tidy.

What was the last email you received? It’s one of the job-hunting websites I’ve signed up for, giving me job alerts for new openings in my chosen industries.

Do you know someone who speaks without a filter? Yeah and I know people who do it responsibly and those who just come off as tactless.

Are you in any social groups? We call our college group the Daydrinkers, since our friendship began when we started constantly hanging out at nearby bars at like 2 PM, during our breaks lol. I used to be in a barkada in high school but Angela and I broke apart from that since we couldn’t deal with Athenna’s toxicity anymore, though I still keep in touch with most of them, like Chelsea and Kaira. Since then Angela and I have formed our own group consisting mostly of Angela’s friends from architecture and Hans’ friends from Ateneo.

How many hours of sleep did you get last night? Sigh, around 4. I don’t know why it was so few, but it also means that I’m currently drowsy as all hell at 9:03 PM. I will most likely turn in for bed after this.

What's your favourite kind of museum? Those that cover history, so museums that have artifacts and fossils and shit.

Do you believe in alternate universes? I like the idea, and I love literature that explores the idea of alternate realities, multiple universes, pocket universes, etc. Whether or not I believe they exist...idk. I don’t think about it that much in literal terms. < Yeah pretty much. Gaby Dunn wrote an amazing piece on multiverses and that was what got me to find comfort in the idea.

Whose house did you last visit? I was at Gabie’s place this afternoon. We had burritos, talked about career prospects, and puppy-sat our babies.

What games do you play on your smart phone? I turn to 1010 when I’m bored or anxious. I have like 30 other games but I never touch them lol, but I do keep them should the time be right to whip them out.

Have you ever been to Los Angeles? I have not.

What was the first concert you ever went to? Paramore, February 2013. I was a late bloomer; kids my age started going to concerts at least three years before that.

Do you know anyone who is colourblind? I don’t think so.

What's your favourite season and why? The wet season, because it’s colder and I hate the heat during the dry season.

Are you the youngest, middle or eldest child in your family? I’m the eldest.

If you had to make something for a potluck, what would you make? I recently watched this phenomenal recipe for 48-hour chocolate chip cookies that looked absolutely bonkers when they were done baking. I’d for sure give those a try for dessert. If that fails I’d just buy the food so that what I bring is more guaranteed to be good.

What kinds of decorations do you put up at Halloween? My family has never cared much for Halloween. It’s not even a legit holiday, so as much as I love Halloween I don’t think I would spend for decorations myself to decorate my own place. The only instance I imagine doing so would be if I have kids of my own who may want to get into the Halloween ~spirit.

How many tabs do you have open right now? In my current window, eight.

What's something you've been meaning to do but keep putting off? Taking another online course, just because it’s great to learn new things and earn free certifications while at it. I haven’t been doing a good job at being consistent with them, though.

What's the first thing you check on your phone at the start of the day? Facebook since it’s my primary social media now. Literally never thought this day would come.

Have you ever flown a kite? Yeah but it’s been a while.

Who was your favourite music artist when you were 16? This was the time I was slowly moving away from my punk phase and inching closer to Athenna’s music tastes, so I was into acts like Hozier, Banks, Daya, Twenty One Pilots, etc.

What are three things you usually always have in your fridge? Water, bread, eggs.

#survey #surveys

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gotatext · 5 years

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PREFERRED NAME — nora. i think i started going by it in like, 2009?? my full name is eleanor but i hated it n thought it was way too pretentious n i never felt like it fitted me so when i started writing on forums i decided i’d be a nora rather than eleanor and then my school friends called me it and it just kinda stuck, the only person who calls me eleanor is my mum

PRONOUNS — she / her / ethereal being beyond comprehension

AGE — 23 but i tell everyone im 21 because even tho time is literally fake im desperately clinging to that fleeting thing we call youth trying to catch it like smoke in my hands

PINTEREST — i actually have two. this one is my main one where i just cram all my shit n i’ve had it for years and some of its super unorganised. then i also have this one which is one i made for exclusively female characters. it started as mythological figures but now its like, women in literature and the occasional oc as well. variety is the spice of life!

DISCORD — lindsay lohan’s meth#8664

TUMBLR (PERSONAL/MUSE/RPH) — i used to be froseths but now im pvrscphones cos ya gal is a fucking whore for mythology

OTHER SOCIAL MEDIA YOU’D LIKE TO SHARE — oi oi guvna ere’s me twitta. also here’s my letterboxd n my goodreads if anyone still uses tht

MYER-BRIGGS — enfp / infp border .... the classic profile of a lit student

HP HOUSE — hufflepuff, am fuckin mad.

ZODIAC — libra which is a joke because i am in no way balanced but i guess i AM indecisive and a peacekeeper so?

DO YOU BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY? — i believe it when it says good shits gonna happen in my life and blame it if bad shit happens but i don’t strongly follow it i just find it interesting

HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU STARTED RPING ON TUMBLR — maybe like 14?? my first rp blog here is literally so embarassing i wrote as clove from the hunger games n my best friend irl wrote cato :/ it was wild

WHAT YEAR WAS IT? — like 9 years ago?? 2010 maybs

NAME A RANDOM ROLEPLAY THAT STICKS OUT IN YOUR MEMORY — me n my friend ellie made this really cool group the summer before we left for uni which was loosely based on a concept mentioned mayb once in the divergent series, but it gave us loads of freedom to make it our own thing. it was called the fringe n it was like..... this dystopian society where people with different genes were cut off from the rest of society n lived in overrun slum cities where different groups had like, a monopoly over weapons, produce, etc.... my character jack was the leader of this lost-boy-esque tribe called the wolf pack who were hunters n used to run across the rooftops wearing the skins of animals they’d killed and engage in tribal rituals with sacrifices to the gods n shit. sounds lame but everyone there was so invested in their character arcs that it was a shame to see it go. but ! it kind of reached its end point so we blew it up w nukes n they all died. tragic.

WHAT WEIRD ANIMAL WOULD YOU HAVE AS A PET IF IT WAS REALISTIC — a fox?? do ppl keep foxes? idk i’ve always just felt a sense of connection w them like when a fox stares at me im like this shit is life i am living and breathing in this bitch.... visceral

NAME THE FIRST SONG ON YOUR DISCOVER WEEKLY ON SPOTIFY OR THE FIRST SONG THAT COMES ON APPLE MUSIC / ITUNES SHUFFLE — everbody party tonight by cobra man n summer girl by haim..... not my usual stuff but big summer chillin vibes,.....

NAME A BOOK THAT YOU READ IN SCHOOL THAT YOU SURPRISINGLY LIKED — lord of the flies and also the handmaid’s tale. one of assignments was to write a chapter from another character’s perspective n i chose moira

NAME A BOOK YOU HATED THAT MOST PEOPLE LIKED — skellig. fuck off with ur asprin ugly bat man i don’t care. also of mice and men. don’t care about the rabbits or curley’s goddamn wife.

WHAT TV SHOW DID YOU RECENTLY BINGE? — im not a big binger bc i find it jst makes me depressed if i watch tv all day but im nearly finished stranger things season 3 n i recently finished euphoria (big rec but proceed w caution as quite triggering content)

FAVOURITE QUOTE — cool girl speech from gone girl. but also “there’s something dangerous about the boredom of teenage girls” i know its like.... such an overused quote but it really encapsulates this kind of feral girlhood that a few of my characters like bridget n greta have tapped into. i also loved the line “i feel like i could eat the world raw” from song of achilles, that really captures this kind of.... pure n childlike enthusiasm tht i wanna achieve w rory

LINK TO A VINE THAT EXUDES YOUR ‘ENERGY’ — this is my energy completely am always covered in glitter n staring broodily out of the windows of ubers at 4am like im in the sad bit of an indie film

DO YOU WRITE OUTSIDE OF RP? WHAT DO YOU WRITE? — uhh.... not as much as i shd.... i want to be a writer so i shd be makin some effort to get my stuff Out Into The World but im just not.... lol. ive done a lot of poetry collections . i wnt to finish a novel @ some point too.

THREE YOUTUBERS YOU STILL TRUST — bold of you to assume i trust any youtubers

A CELEBRITY CRUSH THAT JUST WON’T QUIT — id literally die for saoirse ronan n timothee chalamet :/ chance perdomo also owns my ass.

EVER MEET A CELEBRITY? SHARE YOUR STORY — i once high-fived dani harmer, the actress who played tracy beaker. today my sister text me tryin to make me guess what celebrity she just saw on holiday in wales and for ages she let me think it was timmothee but it was actually bradley walsh from the chase :/

WHAT’S YOUR PICTURE-PERFECT NIGHT? — i am in a bomb ass crop top and mini skirt, several scrunchies in my hair, glitter all over my face, wearing cowboy boots. we eat dinner in a trendy but affordable pub that doubles up as a cocktail bar n then we drink zombies or sex on the beaches n go to a rave where everyone is on the same wavelength n i share drugs with girls in the toilets and we swap numbers knowing we will never text each other but its ok bc in that moment we feel like we are soulmates and everyone is super drunk n touching everyone else n its all very visceral and we walk through the woods when the rave ends and lie in the grass because we wish to suck out all the marrow of life

A CONSPIRACY THEORY YOU KINDA BELIEVE IN — princess diana was murdered

ARE ALIENS REAL? — maybe the real aliens are the friends we made along the way

PLAY ANY PHONE GAMES? WHICH ONES? — love island game im addicted and way too invested in my fictional relationship with bobby, a cartoon

WHAT’S A FILM YOU LOVED WHEN YOU WERE YOUNG AND RECENTLY WATCHED, ONLY TO FIND OUT YOU DON’T ANYMORE — bold of u to assume i remember my childhood. but if we’re talking last 10 years angust, thongs n perfect snogging is so so cringe

DO YOU COLLECT ANYTHING? — pairs of glasses belonging to other ppl when they break / get new ones even though i can see perfectly well.

WHAT’S SOMETHING YOU WANT TO LEARN MORE ABOUT BUT YOU’RE TOO LAZY? — mythology...... always a craving and a wish i’d read like ancient texts but my school wasn’t good enough to do greek or latin or any of that shit n even tho i could read english translations i cant be bothered. also criminal psychology

THREE LANGUAGES YOU DON’T SPEAK, BUT WISH YOU COULD — italian, french and latin

MOVIE YOU’VE WATCHED MORE THAN 5 TIMES — ladybird, about time, angus thongs, shrek 2, what we do in the shadows, the history boys, atonement, coraline, the breakfast club, ferris bueller’s day off

NAME A FICTIONAL CHARACTER FROM TV/FILM/MOVIE/GAME/BOOK THAT YOU FIND YOURSELF PROJECTING ON / YOU RELATE TO — cecilia lisbon. rue in euphoria. alison brie in glow. adam parrish in the raven cycle. richard papen. olivia cooke’s character in thoroughbreds. allen ginsberg in kill your darlings. lily in sex education. holliday grainger’s character in the film animals --- i too am an aspiring writer who never writes and just gets drunk instead .

DO YOU FOLLOW ANY SPORTS? WHO DO YOU ROOT FOR? — no. cba

HOBBIES BESIDES WASTING AWAY HERE? — i go to the movies basically every day bcos i work in a cinema. im also a voracious reader n i occasionally do theatre or costume making

PLUG A TV SHOW / MOVIE / BOOK / VIDEO GAME / ETC… YOU WISH MORE PEOPLE WOULD CHECK OUT — where the wild things are (film by spike jonze). animals. beats. the book fen by daisy johnson and a girl is a half formed thing by eimar mcbride. andy warhol’s biography from a to b and back again

WHOSE BRAIN WOULD YOU LIKE TO PICK, ALIVE OR DEAD? — phoebe waller-bridge on how i get her life. carey mulligan on how she got to be such a good actress n how i can become her. maybs wes anderson. maybs gillian flynn. i tend to listen to podcasts w the ppl i really wanna pick the brains of.

TEAM EDWARD OR JACOB? — edward :/

LAST MOVIE SEEN IN THEATRE — blinded by the light n i lovd it

DO YOU STILL READ? — when i finished uni i kinda got out of the habit but this week i finished two books so ive set myself the challenge of a book a week.

IF SO, WHAT ARE YOU CURRENTLY READING? — i finished song of achilles yesterday n i also finished call me by your name yesterday. started circe by madeline miller today, im also partway through milkman by anna burns and the plays of annie barker

ON A SCALE OF 1-10, HOW MUCH DID YOU HATE FILLING THIS OUT? – 3 i didnt hate it bcos at heart i am self-indulgent and love fashioning some sense of self when i feel lost in a world that is scary and constantly changing

#wshedtask002

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personagf-moved · 5 years

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alphabet & soft questions ✨

I was tagged by my bb’s @prksjmiin (alphabet ask) and @joonieblossoms (soft ask) and i didn’t want to make two separate posts so im gonna apologize in advance bc i decided to stick both posts together :’) dkdkkdkd yall aint gotta read everything but if u do ily and im sorry i write novels on novels dlfksdkf

i’ll tag @koyasdad, @1ovegf, @joonlit, @sleepyyyoongs, @constellationstars and @capgi 💘

honestly feel free to do either one or both or none if u want dkkdkdkd i just wanted to tag u guys bc ily

Alphabet ask:

a // age: 21

b // birthplace: new jersey!

c // current time: 1:17 am

d // drink you had last: coffee

e // easiest person to talk to: my brother when he isnt being an absolute fool

f // favorite songs:

aint it fun - paramore

trivia love

honey - kehlani

abbey - mitski

moonlight - ariana grande

g // grossest memory: i was in the city one time and a bird shit on my forehead. i think about it at least twice a week

h // horror yes or horror no: H O R R O R Y E S B A B E E E Y Y Y Y Y Y Y im the absolute worst person i’ll dead ass watch a scary movie/video or read horror stories by myself just bc.

i // in love: with my whole ass soulmate namjoon. i luv u string bean man

j // jealous of people: im not even gonna try to lie i am a very jealous person and i am so sorry about it but i really cant help it lmfao. blame my scorpio venus i guess

k // kids of your own someday: when i say i have been thinking about this everyday.........! i wanna have it all i want the kids the white picket fence the dream house everything. i cant wait to be a mommy one day and love n support my bb’s :’)

l // love at first sight or should i walk by again: we a whole ass fool on main and believe in love at first sight!!!! i really do believe soulmates are a true thing and if a love is destined to be across an infinite span of lifetimes and universes then it will always find its way back. when you know, you know, and i genuinely believe that.

m // middle name: padilla

n // number of siblings: 1 older brother, 1 half brother (older), and 1 half sister (older)

o // one wish: to find true love

p // person you last called: my manager bc i had a work question lol

q // question you’re always asked: “why are you like this” (usually friends @ me when i wild out...which is like everyday), “are you mad?”, “how old are you REALLY?”, “how’s your brother?” (bc he ghosts all family n i have to speak on his behalf like always fsdfjksdf)

r // random fact about you: i once used a horrible bootleg copy of the force awakens to make a star wars crack video dubbing the part in shrek when he first meets donkey over the scene when rey first met bb-8 and it went viral and has like 200,000 notes and even had articles written about it. also i had a weird fascination with jar jar binks and danny devito when i was in high school and i had a habit of making either one of them my icon on school accounts so i could make people laugh when they emailed me or saw me in a word document skfkkkfkf

s // song you last sang: “abbey” by mitski :’(

t // time you woke up: exactly 10 this morning and it was weird bc i picked up my phone and it had JUST turned 10 when i looked i was so shook lol

u // underwear colour: she be black

v // vacation destination: paris bc im a basic bitch :’) also japan/all asian countries. i wanna connect with my roots more :/

w // worst habit: yeeting the fuck outta people’s lives when i think they’re getting too close/when i get overwhelmed. im sorry im a flighty bitch @ anyone i’ve ever ghosted :( i love anyone who’s ever tried to talk to me and its never ur fault, i just get the urge to escape sometimes and i’m trying to fix it

x // x-rays: omg @ tori dead ass me too tho, i had x-rays when i broke my arm when i was around 6 :o

y // your favorite food: my mom’s spaghetti! and sushi. also i love any and all filipino food but specifically i like nilaga and kare-kare oooo baby

z // zodiac sign: we’re a proud libra sun

Soft ask:

What’s the smell of your shampoo?

we got them fruity scents up in here we keep that shit smellin like a goddamn strawberry field take a fuckin whiff babes

What’s your aesthetic?

the moon and stars, soft pink and purple sunsets with a burning red on the horizon, sunrises as well, paintings and generally all art revolving around flowers and the celestial, pretty pastel pink and yellow, the sound and smell of rain falling against the window while being curled up in bed uwu

What’s your favorite time of the day and why?

lately it’s been night time. i generally get more creative and feel more at home during the night. i miss being a morning person tho.

What do you most like about the beach?

not a lot fklsjdjfkslkdflksdlkf i usually only go to get a tan and walk the boardwalk with my friends, but if i had it my way i would never step foot in the ocean for the rest of my life sdjdjdjdjsj we dont trust her!!!!!!!!!

What do you worry about constantly?

when i’m gonna figure out what i wanna do with my life lol. i took a year off to think about it but all i ended up doing was working myself to exhaustion and getting comfy in a work only mindset and now i’m only even more confused about what i want to pursue. i’m just glad im going to chicago next week because i feel like a change of setting for even just a week could give me a much needed reset on my mindset going into the next year. i worry about the future but the problem is i worry about the present too lol. oh well, we’ll figure it out!

What is a song you’ve cried to before?

oh boy...

trivia love

moonchild

first love

she used to be mine - waitress soundtrack

20 something - sza

26 - paramore

the letter - kehlani

landslide - fleetwood mac

when you see my friends - mayday parade

and many........many many more...... skskskks music is my main emotional outlet so naturally im gonna cry over anything that reflects my heart

What are some relaxing tips for your followers?

as The World’s Number One Most Stressed Out Human Being™️ i am definitely in no way fit to give advice on how to relax LMFAO

but i guess something that always works for me is putting on music i KNOW will make me sing a long or make me happy to distract me from the nerves i’m feeling. also putting on my favorite comfort movies to make me feel better (they’re big fish, scott pilgrim vs the world, and spirited away btw lol)

What are some things that make you tear up?

the ending of coco, seeing my mom cry, or anyone i love cry tbh, when children are neglected/abused, thinking about the world i’ll have to bring my future children into and how i’m going to be able to teach them to stay strong and bright in the face of it, lyrics that hit too close to home, absolutely anything tbh i cry easy

What is your favorite from each sense?

sight - the view of my cherry blossom tree against a pink sunset in the spring of my childhood home, a person’s eyes and how they light up when they smile, especially when they crinkle as they laugh

smell - the earth after rain, a forest in autumn

taste - my mom’s cooking, good coffee on an early morning

sound - beautiful melodies and harmonies to accompany them, a baby cooing, birds chirping at sunrise

touch - my pillow when its nice and cool, a cat’s tummy, a baby’s cheeks, fingers running through my hair

What is an alternative reality you’d like to live in?

one where im married to namjoon n we have a lot of smart musical prodigy babies who have his dopey smile and i live comfortably in our big ass home in korea where i raise our babies n get that good pipe down every night like i should

jk i wanna live in a reality where magic is real and i can cast spells and live my best life as the true witch that i am

What are some troubles you face on a daily basis?

for starters im ugly as shit so theres one

if we mean practically then i have really bad knees and i recently busted them again so its been really hard getting up and down stairs lately and bending over

but idk theres not really much. emotionally i just tend to get withdrawn and timid in public so it can be hard for me to speak up when i go out

What is one scene from a book that makes you really sad?

unfortunately i haven’t read as many books lately as i did when i was younger...so a lot of my memories are from books that i read like as a kid lol......THAT BEING SAID i think rue and finnick’s death in the hunger games was truly heartbreaking to read, the spine of my copies of both books have cracks on those pages bc i had to read it several times just to really believe it. also i thought it was written so heart wrenchingly well that i had to go back. also in looking for alaska when pudge, a man who loved to know people’s last words, realized that he would never know alaska’s last words. im also really thankful for that book bc it introduced me to wh auden’s poetry and to this day he’s still one of my favorite poets of all time.

Say something to your followers:

thank you thank you thank you thank you THANK YOU for following me and for some reason deciding to stay after how many times i act up on the daily. all jokes aside i really appreciate every single one of you no matter the number and i sincerely hope that you always have love and joy in your heart and that 2019 treats you well. i HONESTLY mean it when i say that i am always here if you guys want to talk or send me things or roast me or talk shit seriously i wanna hear it all and talk about it all i think all of you are so interesting and so beautiful and i’d love to get to know more about you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU GUYS! yeet!

#this is soooo long im so sorry oh my god

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surveys-at-your-service · 6 years

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Survey #165

“if you’re in danger, i’m here to save ya.”

Do you own a water gun? No. What item most embarrasses you to purchase? I wouldn't really know, I haven't bought much for myself... but I suppose probably some kind of sex toy. Favorite thing you’ve ever painted? Two meerkats grooming. It's on a huge thing of burlap. Are there any songs that remind you of your mother? "Wherever I May Roam" by Metallica, because she aaaalways says she wants the lyrics "my body lies, but still I roam" on her urn. I'm making goddamn sure that happens when she passes. Have you ever picked wild flowers? Yes. Have you ever walked through a forest? Yeah. Have you ever seen a mountain in person? Yes. Do you prefer jam or butter on your biscuits? Jam. Have you ever explored somewhere abandoned? Yes, but I wanna do it morrreee! Take my camera with me! This is exactly why I'm getting into exploration channels on YouTube, finding shit like this. I'm addicted to Sam & Colby because of this. Where is the last place you went to as a tourist? Chicago. What country do you most want to travel to? Germany. Do you have a garden? No. Have you ever kept a physical, hand-written journal? Yeah. Have you ever caught a butterfly in your hands? I know I've picked up injured ones as a kid, dunno about otherwise. Are there any interesting landmarks where you live? Not that I can think of. Which fairytale is your favorite? I'mma throw hands if you say Shrek isn't one. Which mythological deity or creature is your favorite? Dragons. Which type of muffin is your favorite? Chocolate chip. What is your favorite shade of blue? Pastel. Do you prefer iced tea or hot tea? Iced coffee or hot coffee? Hate both. Do you like sprinkles on your ice cream? Nooo, not a fan. Honestly, have you ever crashed a party before? No. Do you know how to do the moon walk? No. What is one of your favorite comedy movies? White Chicks. Has anybody ever told you that you have a good singing voice? Yeah. Onion rings or french fries? The latter. I am /picky/ with onion rings, but usually don't like them. Has anybody ever told you that you talk too fast? I've been told so when I'm hyper. Who is the best cook that you know? I don't know. I guess Jason was? His initial career path was chef, and he was in fact great at it. What’s the largest amount that you can juggle at one time? I can't juggle. What was your favorite thing to go on at the playground as a kid? Swing. Do you know how much you weighed at birth? How much? 7-something pounds? When you do a puzzle do you find all the edges first? Do some people not??? (If you sleep with the tv on) what’s usually on tv when you wake up? N/A Who was the last person to ask you to hang out? Did you agree to hang out with them? Colleen, and no. Have you ever had to take a stool or urine test? Why did you have to do this? I've had way too many UTIs because I used to drink literally zero water, so. Before my surgery, they needed a sample too to ensure I wasn't pregnant. Is there a food that you eat basically every day? What food is that? No. Do you have Oovoo? No. Do you know anyone who has ever been in a movie? Who and what movie were they in? What was their part? No. Do you know anyone who has had salmonella? Did you ever have it yourself? What about e coli? No. When was the last time you brought a pet to the vet? What was wrong with it? Last winter when we had to put Cali down. A tumor on her spleen ruptured and filled her body with so much blood that she almost couldn't breathe as her lungs were running out of room to expand. She also had some kind of mass on her liver that was probably causing more issues. Name something that you used to do with your family that you no longer do with them or at all: Trick-or-treating. Who was the last member of your extended family to visit? Where were they visiting from? Grammy and her husband. They were heading back down to Florida. Have you bought any new clothes in the past week? Nope. At what age do you think you’ll be ready to have children? Never. If I wanted kids, mid-20s/late-20s, probably. How many children would you like? Once more, if, two, or even just one. I'd really want my child to have a sibling at least somewhat near in age, but I don't know if I could handle two. Is there anyone in your friendship group that your parents don’t like? Not anymore. Have your grandparents ever asked you about your love/sex life? No. Have you ever been diagnosed with anything unexpected, mental or physical illness? How did you finally find out? Hm... I think everything I've had was at least somewhat expected. Like, I knew something was wrong. The most surprising though was I suppose inactive MRSA after my surgery and the incision re-opened to heal on its own for seven damn months. ACTUALLY, vertigo was random as hell. I started experiencing it and went to the doc. Where do you like to sit when you’re on the computer? In bed. What is the biggest decision you’ve made in the past year? Return back to school. Would you rather hike through the desert, the prairies, the forest, or the tundra? The prairies. If you could reconnect with someone from your past, who would it be and why? Megan. We were absolute best friends, and hopefully she's grown up by now. What movie/show "emotionally scarred" you as a kid? Courage The Cowardly Dog. Watched it anyway lmao. What’s your favorite flavor of jello? Strawberry, probably. Have you ever been thrown out of the movies? No. What would you do if you found out you were moving to Tennessee? I wouldn't complain, Tennessee is beautiful. My brother lives there anyway, and I haven't seen him in years. What does your favorite hair tie/accessory look like? I don't wear any. Do you have a favorite kind of milk? 2%, whole, etc? 2%, maybe. Do you have a favorite drummer? No. Are there any symbols that have personal meaning to you? i.e: dice, a necklace, etc. What are they? Not off the top of my head. What’s the biggest spider you’ve come across? Writing spiders. Have you ever been bitten by anything venomous? No. Do you know anyone who has been knighted? No. Which Mario game would you say is your favorite? That is, if you even like Mario? I've only really played Mario Kart. The others don't interest me. Do you have a deviantART account? Yes. Have you ever had acne? If not, you’re so lucky. I did through puberty, of course. Mine was rough then. It stopped when I was about 19. Now I just have the occasional blemish or two when I'm on my period. Ever walked into a facility of the opposite gender - like restrooms? I did once in elementary school on a work day (teachers come to get shit done; Mom was an assistant teacher) with my friends lol. Ever lost your car in the parking lot? If so, did you use your car alarm to find it again? Don't have my own car. I don't even know if Mom's ever had a car with an alarm. Has there ever been a Christmas where you had to do without gifts-wise? No. Do you type with capital letters and proper punctuation? So this is super weird: It's actually whatever I find aesthetically pleasing wherever it's being written, as well as what "voice" sounds more appropriate??? But I usually write properly. Honestly, do you think that you’re going to be an overprotective parent? Hypothetically once again, I know I would be. The world's evil. What was the last kind of chips you ate? Hot fries. What is one thing that you really wish you could understand, but don’t? Economics so I could actually know how the fuck to handle money. What brings out the worst in you? Treating me like a child that knows nothing. How many friends do you have that don’t smoke? Idk. There's only one friend I see even rarely, and he doesn't though. Doesn’t it drive you nuts when people think they ‘need’ to have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Yes. You need to learn that you're not an unfinished puzzle. You're complete on your own. Some people were really destructive as a child, were you? No. On average, how many songs do you listen to in a day? This greatly varies. Do you ever buy your pet(s) birthday or Christmas presents? Always. Do you think your current relationship will last forever? No exaggeration, no over-optimistic thinking, yes. One thing you promised yourself you’d never do and then did? Attempt suicide. Are you more scared of going to the doctors or dentists? Doctors. Have you ever rolled off your bed in your sleep? No. Who is the most overrated singer? Uhhh. I dunno. Maybe Ed Sheeran. What is your greatest weakness? I guess how insecure I am. Do you have any pets that you had since you were born? No. Favorite undersea creature? Seahorses. Favorite type of chocolate? Milk. What toys did you play with as a child? Plastic animals, Pokemon figures, Barbies or Bratz if Nicole wanted to, stuffed animals... What types of music do you listen to? Loads of different kinds of metal. I'm finding I'm really getting into indie as well. What, without fail, makes you cry? Mark crying for any reason be it sadness or joy I am pathetic. What makes a movie really enjoyable for you? Well thought-out, interesting plots and charismatic characters. Name a game you are really good at. Shadow of the Colossus. The most childish part of your personality? I can occasionally be a bit of a brat if something I'm serious about doesn't go my way oops. What did you last put on a piece of toast? Butter, cinnamon, and sugar. Have you ever witnessed a serious physical fight? No. Do you enjoy corn on the cob? YES, though my lip ring makes it a pain. Have you ever bought alcohol or cigarettes for someone underage? No. If you use Snapchat, have you ever had a screenshot taken of you? N/A When in a waiting room, how do you pass the time? Mess around on my phone. Usually wander through Pinterest. What was the last brutally honest comment you made about someone? I'm not sure. What is your favorite thing to do with just one friend? Go out to eat and talk. Have you ever been kissed under the mistletoe? By who? Jason may have, but I don't remember. Are you prone to paranoia? YUP. Has anyone ever bought you a ring? Mom and Jason. Accidentally dropped the one Mom gave me down the drain semi-recently, then Jason's broke within a few weeks. Kept the jewel for a while but eventually threw it out. What was the most stressful project you had so far while in school? Jesus, when I was still in a game design class and we had to read the most fucking boring book and then do some analysis shit of it. Who in your family are you closest to? Mom. In your opinion, what is the scariest natural disaster? Earthquakes, maybe. Or tornadoes. What time of the day is the best for you? I'm usually in my best mood in the morning. Do you have an electric toothbrush? No. Have you ever had to board up your windows because of a hurricane? No. What do you think about employers checking on personal sites before hiring employees? Sometimes I actually think it's a good idea, other times no??? Like you can get important details of someone by looking at what they post, but at the same time, social media doesn't always portray someone that well. You can get the wrong idea. Have you ever visited anyone in a rehab? No. Ice in your drink: yes or no? No. Do you prefer getting money, gift cards, or an actual gift on your birthday? Money. When was the last time you got a new bed? Is your bed comfy? Long time ago, and I guess. What was the last job you applied for? Ummm I'm not sure. Oh, I think for newborn photography. Do you have any mild food allergies? No. Who was the last person you were with that smelled REALLY good? My younger sis. Last person to make you seriously mad? Colleen. How is your mom? Stressed, always. Do you like going through old photos and recalling memories? Depends on the picture. And time. What movie coming out are you most excited to see? Why? The live-action The Lion King because it's my favorite movie. What song really gets to your heart and inspires you? "Life Won't Wait" by Ozzy. Do you see a lot of stray animals around your home? No. Do you have fireflies around where you live, or do you wish you did? In the area, yes, but we don't really see them in my yard much. Did you used to do Easter egg hunts when you were a child? Yes. Have you ever bought anybody a mug? Omg, I found one that said, "Be nice, I'm in control of your happy pills" in this random store once and I HAD to get it for my psychiatrist. He's not supposed to accept presents, so we just pretended it was from mom lol. He has it on his desk. Do you believe in divorce? In cases such as abuse, infidelity, or other pretty serious issues, yes, but I usually don't advise divorce. Communicate like mature adults and fix what you got married for. Who taught you the most valuable lesson in life and what was that lesson? "Deal with the past or the past deals with you," maybe. My Holly Hill teacher taught me a million lessons that greatly affected my outlook on many components to a healthy life. Have you ever fallen into a hole or crevice whilst hiking? While getting to fishing spots with Dad, my foot may have slipped through rocks or something. Have you ever had a serious conversation with your dad? One that I remember. He took me out to lunch one day when I was still struggling with Jason to just talk to me about relationship stuff. I cherish that memory dearly. In YOUR eyes, which of the three is the most dangerous, and which is the least: Marijuana, Alcohol, Cigarettes? Alcohol, then I'm not sure. Marijuana has a lot of dangers people like to ignore, but then again, it has some health benefits while cigs have none. What is the nerdiest thing that you own? Probably the big Illidan poster I have beside my bed lul. What is the preppiest thing that you own? *shrug* If you are popular, have you ever wondered what it would be like to have no friends? What do you think it might be like? I already just about have none, and it's lonely as fuck. If you are a loner, have you ever wondered what it would be like to be popular? What do you think it might be like? No. I don't seek popularity, just not such a lack of company. Every tattoo has a story behind it; if you have any, what are the stories behind yours? My semicolon butterfly is tribute to both the butterfly and semicolon projects. "Ohana" is obvious. "How rare and beautiful it is to even exists" just speaks deeply to me as someone who wanted to die for years. "Perfectly flawed" also means a lot to me and comes from an Otep song of the same name. "You're awful... I love you!" written in Sara's handwriting I adore because we pretty much call each other evil all the damn time all the while loving each other. :') Who do you know that has a particularly funny or annoying laugh? HA ME I HATE IT. Is there anything you do that is annoying to your friends or family? Oh, I'm sure. I'm told all the time by people to make myself at home when I'm at someone else's house standing like a statue, for one. I do this sooo much, even a bit at my sister's house when it comes to wanting a drink or something. My pacing makes people anxious, I'm told constantly. Sure there's more. What is the most number of sodas that you have drank in one day? I. DON'T WANT. TO KNOW. Until two-three months ago, I lived mostly off soda, and I do NOT know how I didn't gain weight from it. Now I absolutely refuse to go past two, but usually only get one. The idea of drinking as much as I did almost makes me nauseous. Have you ever gone through a period of mass weight-gain/weight-loss? What was that time like for you? Well first Paxil made me gain weight, but I quit it and did WiiFit all summer and lost 40 pounds. I was so proud of myself. Then, I was put on Abilify when I had no need to be, and let's not say how much it made me gain because my then-doctor was a fucking idiot that thought I was doing something terribly wrong and kept me on it, not knowing the side effects. :^) My current psychiatrist was lost entirely as to why I'd been prescribed it, and he immediately connected my weight gain to it because it *murders* metabolism. Was taken off it immediately, boom, started to melt weight with no change to my diet for quite a while. I'm still far from my normal weight. I could write a novel on how this was/is for me, but I'll just say I'm bitter as fuck and ~so~ confident in my shit body. (: If you have one, do you and your significant other have a similar taste in music? Yes. Longest plane ride you’ve ever been on? I'm sure to Michigan, but I don't remember how long it was. I was a kid. Favorite kind of bean? I absolutely loathe beans. I can't even swallow them. If you had to move to another country, where would you move? Canada, realistically. I'd love to live in Germany, but that would be much different from where I am now and would require learning an entire new language. I like Canada anyway. Does it bother you when people call you ‘ma'am’ or 'sir?’ No, it's polite...? Did you partake in senior skip days? Yup. Would you ever consider having an abortion? If my life was endangered, yes, and if - God forbid - I was raped, I possibly would because of how scarring that would be. I've said before I think pregnancy would legitimately be traumatic to me, and if it was because of that, I couldn't even begin to imagine. Have you ever lived in an apartment before? I've told the Jason & co. story before. I also stayed with Colleen for at least a month when I was technically homeless, and she was in an apartment then. Have you ever been questioned by the police? No. Have you ever been to an amusement park out of state? Yeah. Have you ever been responsible for someone’s death? Yeesh, no. Do you know a lot about serial killers? No. Have the police ever been looking for you? HAHAHAHA YES. When I went to the beach one time, my sister, a friend, and I went walking along the shore one night and apparently Mom didn't hear us mention it. Freaked the fuck out and called them to find us. Sorry, Mom. Where do you get most of your accessories from? *shrugs* Maybe HotTopic? Do you know how to shoot a gun and hit a target? No. Are you a good listener? It's complicated. I try very hard to be, but even with people I seriously care about, my mind can wander. But I really try. What was the last bad thing to happen to you? Serious, continuous loneliness. The last good thing to happen to you? I guess finding out I don't have hypoglycemia. Do you think today’s youth is being corrupted/messed up because of TV? It depends on what they watch. Some things they of course shouldn't see, but people tend to take it too far. Have your parents supported every decision you’ve made? I'm sure they haven't. Do you like to listen to rock music/screamo music when you’re angry/upset? Lol did you really just group rock and screamo up???? I'm pretty much always listening to metal or rock. I don't like purely screamo. Are you embarrassed to tell your parents you love them around your friends? Not at all. It bothers me immensely when it does bother people. What’s your favorite sappy/romantic song? Shit, I dunno. I'm a sucker for a lot. Do you know anyone who has changed their first name? Not legally, to my knowledge. Which one of your senses would you be the most devastated to lose? Sight. Hearing almost ties it. Have you ever dated someone who posted a ton of selfies on social media? No, but why does that matter??? Do you know anyone who has been on life support, and survived? I don't think so. Do your parents have a strong relationship together? They're divorced. Mom fucking hates Dad, while he's totally over it. When was the last time you attended a religious service of any sort? Well over a year ago. Do you ever feel like you're sharing too much about yourself online? Eh, nah. Are you on good or bad terms with your most recent ex? Good. What was the last necklace you wore? A spiked choker. Have you ever read any of Charles Darwin's works? No. If there was such a thing as a mental health first aid kit, what would you want to be in it? Oh boy. I'd say it'd be personal to each person. Do you think there are more dimensions than what we're able to perceive? Maybe. What was the last carbonated drink you had? I think Mtn. Dew. Does anyone in your family have schizophrenia? Yes, my half-sister. What light in your house was the last to have a bulb burn out? Living room. Have you ever been fired? If so, did you get unemployment benefits? No. Never really worked long enough to be. Do any of your neighbors have loud children? No. Have you ever been in an abandoned house? No, we were too scared to go past the doorway lol. What's your favorite YouTube channel? UM Markiplier????????????????????? Do you go to church? No. If so, what denomination is it? N/A What is your favorite thing to make wishes on? Just birthday candles. Don't believe that does anything, but. C'mon, you gotta. What is your favorite phase of the moon? Full, duh!! What is your favorite way to get high, if applicable? N/A Which name do you like best: Cora, Flora, Dora, or Laura? Laura. If applicable, what is your favorite version of the Bible to read? N/A Are you contemplating/debating something right now? No. Have you ever had a book completely come unbound from its cover? Childhood books, probs. What design is on your shower curtain? Blue and white waves, I think?? I clearly pay attention to something I see every day. What’s the highest you can count in a different language? To like a million in German. Where would you like to be buried? Cremate me, please. Have you ever seen a ghost orb picture? Quiiite a lot in our old house. Do you think abortion should be illegal? No. Do you know how to double-dutch? I did as a kid. I couldn't jump into it, though.

#survey #quiz #questions #random

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thecrookedgavel · 4 years

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The Black Box Readings - Ep 1 Transcript

Here’s the transcript for episode 1 of The Black Box Readings, the podcast where I read to you the backup of queer blogs that have gone down.

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An: Hey, all! And welcome to The Black Box Readings, the new podcast where I read to you the backup of queer blogs that have gone down! I’m your host, An Capuano. So basically, it’s a show where I narrate through a deleted or deactivated blog over the course of a season, with a focus on queer artists. Though to be honest, there was a specific blog that inspired me to make this podcast, and unless this format is super popular, I may just do the one season. Anyway, although reading things in a dramatic fashion is definitely in my wheelhouse, non-fiction podcasts are not. So please bear with me while I go through some growing pains as I try and figure this thing out.

Alright, so this season, we have the story of a digital artist who caught my attention with a really cool piece of Overwatch fanart. It’s about her journey through a life spent mostly online, disability, and navigating through the difficulties of realizing that you’re trans.

For those of you not in the know, I am a disabled trans woman myself, so it’s not a journey I’m altogether unfamiliar with. The biggest reason I’m doing this podcast is because stories like ours get drowned out in the media. I wanted to be able to tell her story so that queer people, young and old, can hear something that resonates with them. And I have a good feeling that this will do that for you.

The Tumblr in question, I won’t say the address. Just know that the title of the blog was: “Less Than Human”. Yeah, I know. Not a very cheery introduction. I sort of choose to think of it, kind of like reclaiming a slur. If she calls herself less than human, other people lose the power to hurt her with it. I’m telling you the blog title because it is important later.

Anyways, enough out of me, here’s the first post of the episode, which happens to be the first post of the blog itself. It’s titled:

“Welcome!

Hey, my name is -”

Ok, so I guess I didn’t think this through. In the post, she uses her deadname, and I don’t feel comfortable reading it out to you all. If I have to choose between deadnaming a trans girl and being a little inaccurate, I’m choosing inaccuracy. I should say, actually, that I don’t consider myself a journalist or anything like that. Also, I get it would be bad of me to use her real name too. So we’ll just call her… Hmmm…. Ok, let’s go with Emmy.

“Welcome!

Hey, my name is Emmy, and I’m 19 years old! Nice to meet you guys! I’ve decided to start posting on my tumblr instead of using it as a dash, lol! I’m a visual artist, though I mostly stick to digital art these days. I spend most of my time reading. My fandoms are Gravity Falls, Steven Universe, Supernatural, Sonic the Hedgehog, Marvel, and of course, Shrek! Lmao. I think Cat Girls are cute, but I’m not a weeb”

*Laugh* I never read this post while she was active. Her sense of humor is really present in this post, she was always silly like this. Anyways, she follows up this post by posting a backlog of art that I figure she must have made and not shown to anyone. It’s all really good stuff. Some fandom, some original. It’s clear to me that she’s not posting her earlier, rougher work. I don’t remember too many details though, as this was a while ago, and I didn’t think to save her artwork when I was copying all her text posts into the google doc. I hope someone out there saved them before they were deleted, though.

I’m not going to bore you by reading every single one of her posts, or anything like that. Just the ones that stand out to me. Here’s one about Supernatural and how she might be falling out of love with it.

“I don’t know guys, I’m finding it hard to watch supernatural these days. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still one of my favorite shows, it’s just totally not as good as the first 5 seasons. That and I WANT DEAN AND CASS TO BE TOGETHER! Is that so wrong? Look, Cass is an immortal being that just HAPPENED to take a male form. If he had a female form, you can bet that he and Dean would have banged already. I’ve read the tumblr posts too, the ones that talk about all the hints the writers give that Dean is gay. This is ABSOLUTELY queerbaiting, and even as a straight guy, I can see that. I have a lot of gay mutuals who have convinced me how ultimately cute Dean and Cass are, and I feel bad for them, because they’re not being treated fair. You think in its 12 seasons there would be something, but no, nothing. Pisses me off”

Here is where we start seeing a connection between Emmy and queer culture. Although she’s currently IDing as straight and male, you can tell she cares about queer representation. Now, I’m not saying that wanting good queer content makes you queer, of course not. Just that knowing that Emmy is queer, when you look back at her earlier posts, there’s some evidence there. She even talks about Castiel, a male character, having a female form, which I find interesting for obvious reasons.

Next up is a post about something outside of her fandoms, a show called Monk. For those of you who don’t know it, it’s a show focused on a detective with OCD who uses his disability to solve crimes no one else can. As someone with OCD myself, I really enjoyed the show, but it’s not without its problems. Hmm, yeah, I’ll get to those after reading the post, I think

“I’ve been watching a new show lately! Well, a show that’s new to me at least. It’s called Monk! I’m 3 seasons in, and I laugh every episode. But it’s not without its serious moments too. It’s about Adrian Monk, a detective with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and it’s like a super power to him. He can do things no one else can. But he also can’t do things that everyone else takes for granted. Mood. He always says “It’s a gift… And a curse” when talking about it. Big mood. Anyway, I highly recommend it, because it’s a positive depiction of someone mentally ill! I’m so used to people who are “crazy” being mass murderers or some shit. Idk, it’s heartwarming.”

I noticed one of the hashtags of her post was, “Finally found a version with captions.” This is important for later and I’ll get to it by the end of the episode. Where the previous post was the first we saw of her queerness, this is the first we’ll see about her connection with mental illness. It’s unclear if she feels her inabilities are balanced off by her abilities, or if her “mood” was just about her being unable to do what others can. Since her “big mood” is regarding Adrian Monk’s favourite quote “It’s a gift and a curse”, I like to think she was being positive and was including her abilities in the “mood.”

While I do agree with Emmy that it’s a positive depiction of someone mentally ill, and that’s certainly better than having yet another bad guy is who’s only evil because he’s crazy, I’m worried that it’s too positive. It’s actually a really common trope where neurodivergent people in media are seen as “super human,” like Sheldon in the Big Bang Theory, or uhh, the main character from The Good Doctor, I forget his name. It makes it look like everyone with autism or OCD are geniuses, and that sort of skews how neurotypicals view people like us in a negative way. Like, I do view my OCD as a gift, I wouldn’t be able to write the way I do, or play video games the same way if I didn’t have it. But I’m not a superhuman by any means. But I’m expected to, in some sense, outperform everyone because of my OCD, because of this impossible standard set by the media. *Sigh* I’m sorry, I’m getting really off topic. I hope you don’t mind this little rant.

Back to Emmy, I find it a little upsetting that she feels herself cursed in some way. Knowing what I know about her, I like to think she was more gifted than cursed, but given the title of her blog, I doubt she would agree with me. We can glean from this post that she is disabled in some way or another. Maybe she herself has OCD? Or maybe she just relates her own, different disability to OCD? It’s hard to tell at this point, and I don’t want to spoil it, especially since it will come up again in a few posts.

Next up, we have a post about not just queer characters, but lesbian characters. I’m sure you have heard of Overwatch by now, even if you haven’t played it. Well, the creative devs promised us that a handful of the cast was queer, and at least to me, it seemed like an empty promise. Hmm, I guess it seems a little bit like the queerbaiting conversation we had earlier. Interesting. You know what I mean, right? Like, why take the risk of pissing off the straight, cis part of your fanbase with queer characters when you can just say some characters are queer and attract a bigger queer fanbase that way? But then they did something that blew me out of the water. They made a comic where Tracer has a girlfriend. This next post from Emmy is about this reveal.

“Merry Christmas! And what a Christmas it’s been. Because I got something I’ve been asking for for a LONG time. Blizzard made Tracer gay! I’m not the only one who’s been asking for this, a huge chunk of the fandom has been saying that Tracer is only into other girls. It’s been my headcanon for so long, and now it doesn’t have to be, because it’s canon! Tracer and Emily are so cute together! And their kiss is so hot too! Yeah, lesbians are really hot in general. They’re every guy’s ultimate fantasy. Thanks, Jeff!”

An: Ok, so before we continue, I think I need to apologize on Emmy’s behalf for the way she talks about lesbians. As a trans lesbian, I had a period where I talked about lesbains that way too. Before I came to terms with that identity, I mean. Since you believe you’re a straight guy, there’s no real explanation for why you’re so into lesbians other than them being a male fantasy. But it’s more than that. It’s part of like, seeing yourself as a girl that the idea of being with a girl that likes girls... that is so fundamentally appealing.

Like, ok. *sigh* I remember this one time very clearly… I was with my girlfriend at the time and a friend of mine at a bubble tea shop. This was probably 9 or 10 years ago now? Jeez. Anyways, this couple of girls starts making out at the table next to us, and I had a full on sexual awakening. I remember that I couldn’t look away. Mostly because my ex wouldn’t let me forget it. I got teased by my friend and berated by my ex. Because I couldn’t explain what happened to her, let alone to myself, I eventually came up with a rather math-y explanation involving vectors of attraction *laugh*. Something like, if women are attractive to me, and men are not attractive to me, then adding their vectors together gives less attraction than two women’s vectors being added together. It was pretty stupid. I don’t talk to either of those two people anymore, by the way.

Anyways, my point is that since this is before she’s realized she’s a lesbian herself, she’s under the false impression that she needs to sexualize lesbians in order to explain why she’s so attracted to the concept. So please don’t hold that against her.

---

With that out of the way, we can move on to her next post. It’s a piece of art she made, and it’s pretty special to me. You see, this was the way I found her blog. One of the blogs I follow, who knows which at this point, must have reblogged it and it came across my dashboard. Again, I don’t have a copy of any of Emmy’s art, but I remember it pretty well. It’s a picture of Emily wearing Tracer’s outfit... Shit… Why did I give Emmy a name so close to Emily? Emily as in Tracer’s girlfriend. Maybe it’s because of my association with her and this drawing? Either way, it’s too late now, I’m not re-recording this whole episode. *Sigh* We’ll just stick with the blogger being named Emmy. Anyways! She’s sort of looking a bit out of place, like she doesn’t know how to feel about having a Chrono-accelerator attached to her chest. There’s a speech bubble in the frame pointing off screen that says, “You look marvellous, love!”, or something to that effect, but it’s obviously supposed to be Tracer saying it. It was a really cute drawing, and I was really fond of it, so I liked and followed. Feels like so long ago.

Anyways, she did reblog the picture afterwards, saying:

“Thank you so much for all the notes! I really appreciate the support. Who knew that something so dumb would be liked by so many people? I really like Emily, and I hope she’s added as a Hero in Overwatch soon! I feel so happy! I’m going to go and do some more drawing, so keep an eye out for more posts!”

Not much going on in this post, but I decided to read it anyway because it contrasts so heavily with the next post. Not the next time she posted, but the next post I’m going to read. Actually, it’s the last post of this episode.

So, I’m going to warn you, this is a side of Emmy we haven’t seen yet. The really negative side. *Sigh* I don’t know what set her off, maybe nothing did, but I think this post is very important to read to you, as it clears the air about her disabilities.

“I really appreciate all the love you’ve given my art, but I feel like I don’t deserve any of it. I’m so broken and worthless and I’ve only been pretending to be normal so that you’ll all like me. The truth is, I’m physically and mentally disabled, and life is just a never ending struggle.

First off, I’m deaf. Very deaf. The quietest thing I can hear in either ear is a chainsaw. It means I can’t understand speech or anything I’d need to be social. I don’t know sign language at all, I was never taught. So I just… stay inside all day. I’ve been homeschooled by my Dad since I was young. He thinks something bad will happen to me if I go outside, because I couldn’t hear something like a car coming towards me. So I live my life online, for the most part. I feel so isolated, and like I can’t relate to anyone normal.

Also, I have Bi-Polar Disorder. For those you don’t know of it, it basically means I have high highs and low lows. I’ve done a good job so far at hiding my lows from everyone and only showing my highs. Until now, I guess… I just feel so low today, and I couldn’t hold it back anymore. I just had to be real. Even if it’s an ugly side of me that I hate. My dad hates how moody I am too. He just doesn’t get that it’s not my fault. Even my highs are hard for him to handle sometimes. Anyway, please forgive me for lying so long”

So, I sense a bit of imposter syndrome here. She’s gotten some success and because she views herself as not even a normal person, she thinks she doesn’t deserve it. It’s a pretty common feeling amongst content creators and something you have to move past if you want to make stuff. It’s like, *sigh* like me, I’m not an expert voice actor, why are people listening to me? I have tricked them into thinking I’m worth listening to. If you’re feeling that way about a recent success, just know that it’s all bullshit and it’s normal to feel that way. I wish I had that knowledge at the time I originally read that post… Because then, I would have messaged her and let her know. But yeah, we have more to unpack here.

She talks about being deaf, and the level that she describes is a profound hearing loss, which is as bad as it gets. I have that level of hearing loss in my left ear, and it’s really hard to deal with. So, I kind of can’t imagine what it would be like to have it in both ears.

Like, for me, I remember this one time where I was at my locker in high school, and someone must have been asking me a question a few times on my bad side. She wanted to know if I had any extra bus tickets, and by the time I finally caught on that she was talking to me, she said something like “Urg, I just want to punch you.” And it wasn’t a joke either, she was very frustrated with the way my hearing loss had affected her. It made me feel small, and like I was an inconvenience to those around me. Guess it didn’t help how I felt that I had a crush on her at the time… Ha… *Sigh* It was very isolating to grow up like that. I didn’t really belong there, but I didn’t exactly belong in the deaf community either, since I could hear fine out of one ear. So when Emmy describes how isolating it is to be deaf and not know sign language, I get it. I really feel that. When I saw this post, it really made me feel for her. This is probably the point in time where I made a mental note to support her art whenever I could.

Lastly she talks about her mental illness, being bi-polar. I know a lot less about bi-polar disorder than I do hearing loss. Though I was in a production that never wrapped up about a bi-polar teen. Actually, I was the strict dad who couldn’t understand his child’s illness, which is a similar theme seen in Emmy’s post. I’ve actually been cast as a dad 3 or 4 times now? Yeah. *Laughs* Anyways, what I understand about it is that it can be seasonal. You might be manic for a season, and depressive for another. But yeah, it doesn’t always work that way. Usually medication can help balance you out, but in Emmy’s case, she wasn’t taking any meds at this point. I’ll say it here for clarity’s sake, but her having bi-polar disorder was a self-diagnosis, not a professional one. That’ll be covered in the next episode, though.

So now the whole “Less than Human” thing makes a bit more sense, doesn’t it? Not because it’s true in any sense, but because it was true to her. Disability is something that people tend to see as different, or othering. There’s a lot of stigma there. We can sort of tell at this point that the way her Dad views her and treats her doesn’t help her feel any better about this either.

That’s why she likes the depiction of mental illness in Monk so much, right? Because it’s a bit of a “More than Human” approach. It gives her some hope that maybe she can be seen positively one day too. As far as movies with Deaf characters goes there’s like 100, if I recall correctly. Which is honestly pitiful compared to the amount of movies, period. So it’s more than likely that she never got to see herself in media in that perspective before.

Also, there’s the markings of a budding trans girl in there too, which may further intensify the feeling of not being human. For years and years *sigh*, there was practically zero positive representation of trans people in media. We’re taught that feeling like this makes us freaks, and that presenting differently than we’re supposed to makes us... something worse than that. It all comes together to form something bitter and isolating. Especially before you start owning those parts of you and finding a community of your own.

Thank you for listening to this episode of The Black Box Readings! I really ranted more than I thought I would. Hopefully you all liked the anecdotal stuff I added in, didn’t really plan on doing that. Follow me on Twitter at TheCrookedGavel to stay up to date on this and other queer podcasts. Feel free to contact me there as well. This is An Capuano, signing off!

#queer #lgbtpride #visualart #podcast #transisbeautiful

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