#its not that hard to understand! why is this so hard for abled people to understand??

[saphflare]

Personal take on "Chayanne as a Glass Child Interpretation" that no one asked for

===

Apparently people have been using the "Chayanne has glass child syndrome" thing to rag on q!Philza, which I haven't seen, at least not overtly. Or at least not with the purposeful intent of labelling q!Philza completely as a Bad Parent. But I can get why ppl would feel like that is an attack on his character (*stares at DSMP*)

But I also kinda wish some ppl understood that when we interpret the fact that Chayanne is a glass child, it isn't necessarily to blame q!Philza and his parenting.

please

Because anyone that has a singular critical thinking brain cell can see that the man is trying so fucking hard to raise his two children, and that he loves both of them so much. And that is the sad thing isn't it. Because the thing about glass children is that practically always it is not intentional, and the parents never mean to neglect or force their more capable/older children to become so. That it is often just a consequence of the circumstances of their lives together, and it is something that isn't obvious most of the time until it of course becomes an issue. That for all the efforts of the caretaker(s), they sometimes need to focus on one child more because of their needs and that is perfectly understandable, especially if it is health needs. But as a result, there are gaps in the support and needs of the family. And so, other children in the family that are capable of helping just end up doing so because additional aid and care is needed.

And if you especially look at the Death family's circumstances, we can see those circumstances in play. That the island is dangerous compared even to "normal" society, with the government system provides little to no additional care for its residents & their families. If not downright making it basically punishing them because they have children, due to needing to work for additional resources for their kids (cookies, tasks, etc.) And then there are the monsters and external forces trying to kill and torment all of them. Now that is already fucked, but then you consider the fact that Philza has two children, as he is their primary caretaker due to q!Missa's frequent absence. Which not blaming q!Missa, as the family still loves him and like probable lore reasons, but regardless that adds to the circumstances of the family. That q!Philza is the only one, for the majority of the time, responsible for two kids instead of just one for most of the other parents.

Which again, I will say that other residents also help out with taking care of other eggs of their own and all that, I won't deny that. But they can't always know or be able to pinpoint all things that the two children specifically need or be reliable as the island limits their ability to help.

That at the end of the day, Philza in specific is considered the official guardian for Chayanne and Tallulah, and the one that they spend most time with in their development on the island.

That with the constant danger and additional circumstances surrounding them, it is no wonder that Chayanne ended up taking more responsiblity, becoming more mature in the process. That like any other kid that could see their family struggling and also feel it, he wanted to help his dad. And especially at first, when they had Tallulah and it was evident she needed support due to her asthma and health issues (aka internet issues). She needed not just the support of Philza, who was already lacking consistent support of a partner, but also her brother to help out in case. That it might not have been the intention for Chayanne to take on these burdens or have to grow up so fast, but it happened out of necessity.

That it was as a result of everything they have faced on that island, both good and bad, for Chayanne to have turned out the way he has now and before.

And, I want to stress this so fucking much that neither Philza nor Tallulah are responsible for this. No one in this family is completely at fault because for fucks sakes it isn't exactly like they fucking meant for Chayanne to be a parentified child. That yes their circumstances contributed to to the situation, but that is the same as saying the island has given them lemons and they had to just do the best with it. And that in some ways, they are still growing out of their original dynamics, even months now that they have changed so much and literally have been displaced onto a new place. That in this manner specifically, Philza sometimes still falls into the same mentality in believing Tallulah is still the same little girl that he needs to constantly look out for, when she has become so much more and grown to be able to defend herself. Honestly almost, if not, just as well as Chayanne. But I also acknowledge that he has improved quite a bit, and given her much more freedom and autonomy, especially since they all reunited after Purgatory. But he is still getting used to it, and even in these few months, he has learned to give them room to grow a bit.

Also, I don't blame him for sometimes falling back on the old habits considering you know the dangers he is so guarded against are real and most definitely out to get him and his eggs.

The whole thing of people having flaws and making mistakes yada yada ya, they don't know everything they need to do all the time, especially with things changing constantly and all that shit.

And in some ways, I look at Chayanne right now and I see he is more of a glass child healing from their early circumstances. That his family has acknowledged in some way that he had to take on so much more than what a kid should have. And while I don't think they have unpackaged everything, and that it something that will take a lot more time. Not to mention all the new issues that pop up every other fucking day (for void sake, let this family have a goddamn break). But the thing is they are improving. That they are definitely moving towards that direction in which they are looking in retrospect of what they had to deal with and realizing things. And then, they are having conversations about it together.

And look, for all the things you can say about Death Family, they are all trying their best. That yes perhaps their family is dysfunctional due to fact that it is literally IMPOSSIBLE to cultivate a healthy stable and safe environment for them to grow up in. And yes, of course there are interpersonal issues and current trauma that they need to work through because of all the things they experienced on the island, there are issues in every family, small or big that needs to be worked through. But that doesn't negate the fact that they are trying so hard to the best of their abilities because of each other. That it is undeniable that they have sought to improve and grow and become who they are because they love their family, and hold each other closely in their hearts. That they are still people actively trying to discover things about themselves. And it will always be a struggle in their places as the family they are, but they do so out of love for each other.

But yes whole point is, "Chayanne has experiences that can be comparable to that of a glass child" and "q!Philza is a flawed person that is trying his best" and "Death Family is dysfunctional but also loving of each other" are all statements that can exist together.

Death Family isn't perfect and I love them for that <3

#qsmp #qsmp death family #qsmp philza #qsmp chayanne #qsmp tallulah #qsmp analysis #qsmp fandom crit #saph rambles #is this a hot take i dunno know #but i was getting a bit annoyed with ppl going - oh Chayanne isn't a glass child just ppl being mean to Philza for no reason -_- #<--- Me as an oldest child specifically relating to Chayanne because of experiences having a parent that means well but shit *circumstances #also if I do see anyone shit on any of the Death Family members for Chayanne being glass child or blah blah I am smacking you SHUT #i love death family specifically because they are flawed and imperfect but its undeniable they love each other #and because of that they are trying so hard to improve and go on for each other by facing the fact they have unintentionally hurt each othe #and it is hard but that is the process of making amends and taking accountability so they can heal and i feel so normal about it #i just like yapping about death family my cubitos <3

[muchmossymess]

GUYS okay hear me out majoras mask boat boys au

I love legend of zelda I love boat boys this is like the ultimate combination of my interests you cannot understand the brainrot. Idk what to call it yet tho... majoras minecraft? Anyway prepare for an essay

OKAY so we have the Hero of Time, Etho, who stopped ganons plans before they started, and would be stuck in a child's body if not for the fact I think that'd be a lil weird for the more shippy aspects of this au that all the running through time aged his soul and his body followed suit (he's still got a young appearance, and the mask doesn't make him look older like he thinks). Same reason he has the scar over his eye (from the ganon fight); no matter how much the body may heal or rewind the mind will not forget.

Then navi (maybe bdubs?) left him, and he went with epona (maybe bdubs instead? (eponas a horse iydk)) and he sets out on a journey aka the beginning of mm:

Wandering through the woods on epona, gets jumped by skull kid. For those unaware, there is skull kid, a lonely lil sweetheart, and he wears the mask, an entity on its own. He also has two fairies, siblings tael and tatl.

So I was a little unsure about this for a while, but I think I've decided on grian for the skull kid and Jimmy for tael, grian bc watchers and Jimmy bc skull kid is not very nice to tael (bc of the mask) and like a listeners reference or smth blah blah blah

TATL. that's who's interesting. At the beginning she gets separated from her friends and becomes your companion. So naturally for this au she is our favourite joel smallishbeans. It works so well. Tatl is mean but cares, and that's joels dynamic with the bad boys and with etho, guys it's literally perfect idc what you say

I think it doesn't change much throughout like the story of the game, but just taking dialogue tatl says to link and its so perfect for a sassy joel to a "can't believe I'm dealing with this shit again" etho. Uh one thing different though; in hylian form etho doesn't have an ocarina but instead a mini marimba. Just because. I think it's cool, and for potential things later on.

Now, fairies in this au are just tiny glowing people shaped things with wings. The glow around them is their magic, and depending on emotions/energy the brightness changes (thats why they look like flying balls of light). Some fairies have the ability to make projections of themselves, more hylian sized in nature. This can be intimidation or distraction or w/e, but they cant do it for long periods of time bc its exhausting. These forms aren't physical. Just sized up light projections of their actual bodies.

So for a lot of their journey, joel is just a cute pocket sized ball of rage and sarcasm, who helps with ethos aim for fighting. Bc that's a game mechanic and also ethos like half blind. But like when joel calms down imagine him crawling into ethos hat and just dozing off. He can fit in the palm of your hand like guys it's so cute. But he is also capable of being worse than a mozzie

Oh probably a good point to put in what I imagine etho looks like. So it's typical link green (maybe a bit dampened?), weird pointy hat, short hair (white ofc), his shirt is more of a jacket with a fluffy cold weather collar, it's a bit too big for him but he knows he'll grow into it, he's all knobbly and thin (underfed a lil, boy was never taught how to care for himself beyond basic survival). His injured eye is red bc of ganon, and often gives him phantom pains. It can't be healed.

Anyway, at some point in their journey together, etho and joel learn a song that let's fairies have a larger physical form, no wings, sorta like the great fairies (who they learnt it from prolly). It isn't permanent, slowly draining ethos magic meter, the spell ends when you run out of magic. This is because I want them to actually be able to stand side by side or maybe hug, and also bc its hard to block a blow with your body when ur tennis ball sized.

Aaaaand, this ties back in with with marimba. What if ethos injured, or unconscious, and he obviously can't defend himself, so joel panics and plays the marimba in what he hopes is the right order to give himself a body. I imagine that being that small, you could not play an ocarina. And hey maybe joel carries etho away after that, and when the spell ends he has barely any light emitting from himself because he spent nearly all his magic (what he is made of) saving etho.

But this song isn't used much, because of its draining nature, and you can't really do any other magic things while it's going. So it's mostly just in the final fight (over and over) or tough moments or maybe joel wants to experience something like hoe hylians do. It's obviously inferior to how he experiences things as a fairy, of course, he's just curious thats all. He totally doesn't want etho to do it more.

Okay I think ill sorta stop here, I am NOT done, I will probably post some art I've done for this later lol, and I want help with who everyone else is (mumbo is the moon. You cannot stop me nor change my mind) with mcyts to npcs

#oh it feels so good to get this out of my system i have been sitting on this for MONTHS #apologies of it isnt SUPER coherent i never said i was eloquent and i was really just word vomitting my ideas onto the screen #if anyone had any questions or stuff to add i would cry /positive #yeah like yall are so good if you want to take your own spin on this or anything i would love to know so bad #i need to like scream from the rooftops #majoras minecraft au #joel smallishbeans #smallishbeans #jimmy solidarity #grian #ethoslab #etho #majoras mask #boat boys #smalletho #majoras mask au #trafficblr #moss' madness #i think thats all the tags...?

[thedevilandhisbride]

very violent in your face reminder that you should NOT grab someones wheelchair and start wheeling them out of the way or to another area without their permission i went on a fieldtrip yesterday to a university and while my friend who was wheeling me around the entire time stepped off to the side to do something, my teacher unexpectedly came up behind me and started to wheel me over to another area when i was in the middle of doing something. she did not warn me or even bother to tell me that she was going to start moving me. this is only because i am in a wheelchair. it scared me and it was not okay at all. its the same thing as taking someone forcefully by the shoulders and moving them somewhere else when their friend who was walking with them stepped off to the side for a moment and they were waiting for them. you dont do that because its rude, weird, and disrespectful towards them- so why would you do that to me, or any other wheelchair user?

#ableism #disability #disabled #actuallydisabled #wheelchair user #mobility aid #can abled people be any less respectful? like seriously #dont grab my wheelchair if i dont know you #dont grab my wheelchair if i dont give you permission #dont stick things on my wheelchair without permission #dont move me in my wheelchair without permission!!! #its not that hard to understand! why is this so hard for abled people to understand?? #its not that hard to ask for permission #yet abled people dont ask for permission to move me yet i have to constantly ask them to move so i dont either run over them or their #things and they dont move at all when they KNOW i need to get through #you move me when im in your way instead of asking yet you dont move for me when i need to get through and cant squeeze by?? #make it make sense please

[vaxxildamn]

very happy Matt decided to clarify his stance on the genocide of the Palestinian people rn. Pretty unhappy with the way he worded it, who he centered in his video, and disappointed to see the responses to it on Twitter.

kinda scared to even post about it bc CR fans can get so defensive about their favorite white people that they can often leave little room for criticism or nuance. but man I have thoughts.

#lemme just say. if you have a public platform that has set a precedent for philanthropic work. messages of positivity and love. #and have called attention to various political and social conflicts *in stream*. & whose employees and cast members are vocal #on socials about political topics #then it is NOT unreasonable for fans to expect them to address one of the deadliest orchestrated conflicts in recent history #a literal genocide is happening. thanks in part to the US. #it is good that they donated as a company and as individuals. so good! #but to everyone saying that publicizing good deeds like donations is virtue signaling or demanding CR cast to show their support is #or that activism shouldnt be all about what you post bc then it becomes performative #are kinda missing the point. and theyre not listening to palestinians at all #a huge issue with this conflict & the way its being received in the western world - ESPECIALLY the US bc of its partnership w israel - #is the sheer amount of disgusting minsinformation and propaganda convincing ppl this genocide is either not that bad or that its necessary #everyday citizens CANNOT change foreign policy. we cant do anything! #so what have Palestinians been asking us to do?? SPREAD AWARENESS ON SOCIAL MEDIA. MAKE PEOPLE AWARE. UPLIFT PALESTINIAN VOICES. SHARE LINKS #SHOW PPL THE TRUTH. #and yes its hard! its difficult to watch what theyre going thru. but we HAVE to. #i didnt rlly like matts statement. he said he didnt have the spoons to engage in the discourse. which i get. god i get it. #but ive also seen many many creators/influencers who are also disabled or whose families are directly involved gather their spoons to help #and no one was asking CR to harm themselves in the name of helping palestine. we only wanted them to spread awareness #bc the comments on their tweet about finally donating were full of mostly white centrist takes not able to see any benefit to donating or #addressing the issue at all. which is EXACTLY why CR should addresss it. bc they can reach so many who dont understand #but theyd been radio silent for almost 5 months. i didnt like that he didnt really apologize. i didnt like that he centered himself #i didnt like his lowkey flippant language either. saying all that.. ridiculousness in regards to a genocide not well worded. #but i dont feel right holding that against him. should he have thought it through better? sure but i get it #& unfortunately his parting message left a bad taste in my mouth - one of positivity & self care & hugging each other #nice important words but it didnt feel like he was talking about ppl who are affected by this conflict. but rather ppl who are watching #it just felt like a very white thing to say in response to this. we are not burdened and easily victimized bc of it #we are responsible. and so we must center palestinians. #if i were him i wldnt have gone in detail about how hard the palestinian genocide is for me to watch. #but thats just me #*CORRECTION: radio silent for almost 4 months

[terrorbirb]

Nothing against low level jobs really, but one of our engineering techs was only a food service worker before this. Like an associates does something for you (don't know if that's what he has even he may be a student) I guess, but no wonder these guys aren't ready for engineering.

#totes bro #its.......a long term investment #i now know that these guys are techs because he said he was an engineer #what i do isnt hard and i guess theyre only supposed to assist but i havent seen any of them assist so idk what they do #i dont think we had engineering techs before i think it is just desperation #they're also not young #so schooling has left the brain a little #i know this sounds bad but they keep asking for me to teach them a thing and they stay at my desk for an hour #and god knows they like .....dont understand really basic technical concepts #and tbqh i do not have time for this #so now i know why I'm the favorite and the only one working. the other engineers have also complained about the new recruits #like you say 'lipids' and they dont know what you mean its just like extremely frustrating when theyre supposed to be #doing exactly what you do on more simple projects #but they absolutely cannot do that. like i get not being able to understand a super large system but they cant get like what fittings used #its frustrating because engineering isnt always low stakes #its not high stakes but a mistake can shut down a highway (happened recently) #ALSO the least qualified people always call themselves engineers #also i just changed from mechanical to civil engineering it is new for me #its still fluids somewhat which is what i was doing

[paging-possum]

Who up listening to good luck babe by chappell roan and having it resonate not in the way intended but resonating nonetheless. About to go ham in the tags about the overlap of being a lesbian and being aromantic...if u even care....

#my art #gore #organs #its 2am so not a lot of this is going to be very coherent but this song makes me feel a lot of things about it all #like. its the Expectations #the expectation that im going to date men and the expectation that im going to date at all have always felt equally stifling #theres that feeling of not trying hard enough or not realizing it at first or trying to lean into what you're told you should feel #and having it not pay off time and time again and wishing you could just make it work #because everyone else around you has it just fine and you dont get why you're struggling with it so much #THERE ARE MORE SIMILARITIES BETWEEN THE TWO IS WHAT IM SAYING #like obviously figuring out aromanticism is especially weird because its a lack of something BUT THEYRE PRETTY SIMILAR #realizing I dont want to date anyone mirrors realizing I didn't like boys but like. idk man its worse sometimes? #I wouldn't trade it for the world it means a lot to me but its almost like people go out of their way not to understand it sometimes #at the end of the day I am the you in that song #it was a very very long road to being okay with never falling in love because that was something I wanted for a very very long time #at the end of the day I will never have to be someones wife and I think its better that way #but its also hard not to get jealous sometimes #like I know its irrational I know I get physically ill at just the thought of being asked out but like #sometimes ill see my friends with their girlfriends and ill feel like clawing my own chest out with want #but also if anyone asks me out I will have to dig myself into a pit and never come out. I think. #I want to be with women but I dont want to Be With Women if that makes sense #its another layer of difficulty that I dont think I'll ever be able to get past #I feel like at this point I should just be trying to conditioning myself out of any form of desire because its just not an option for me #which definitely isn't true and like chappell roan says. you'd have to stop the world just to stop the feeling. #but its also so tiring to have to sit here with the feeling and feel bad for having the feeling. #I dont know #I think if I felt a little more or a little less I’d be fine but I’m stuck in the middle #it feels very weird talking about this openly but also its very difficult to talk about with friends because most of them dont get it #anyways something something Josies monologue from bottoms #im going to bed

[anawkwardlady]

RCiel lovecore blog

#kuroshitsuji #ciel phantomhive #let that sink in #people are like 'such a passionate take on loving the world around you' and its just rciel being insane about his obsessions #like its normal and healthy :) #'Trees would kill themselves if they were able to feel the loneliness of growing so many branches out of one seed.' #'Why are we so far apart. We came from a singular. Family is a curse hard to understand'

[anotherpapercut]

is there some reason why nobody will respect the fact that I just don't like horror movies? I have been forced to watch like a dozen horror movies now and I just do not like them. I have told all of my friends this repeatedly and they continue to try to make me watch them no matter what I fucking say. they're always trying to justify it with "well it's not REALLY a horror movie" then I google it and the description literally says horror

#the only ones im able to watch are comedy like tucker and dale and even then i have to cover my eyes when people are being killed #i have a delicate constitution and ocd that causes distressing intrusive thoughts and i just dont like doing things that trigger that #why is this so hard to understand #i meet up with a couple friends regularly to watch movies and one of them made us watch krampus #after over like 2 years of me saying no i just gave up. and they just suggested another fucking horror movie #i wish they would just not put me in this position of either having to deal with it and be extremely uncomfortable #or tell them no which i feel weird doing so fucking often. its just that one of them suggests a horror movie every time #id much rather them just watch them without me sometime! then we can go back to watching kevin smith movies! #oh this applies to shows too #im not watching haunting of hill house and the other one im not watching black mirror or american horror story stop asking!!!!!!!!!

[docholligay]

Do you speak with a straight up peninsular accent? I can only imagine the ribbing you would take in the spanish-speaking communities here ahaha, most everyone, including me, has a ~vaguely~ Mexican accent. When I got out of high school, my teacher for the last 6 years was Argentinian, and I took SO MUCH SHIT from my professors in college for the accent. I mostly got rid of it and speak what’s more normal around here, but if I’m talking really fast or I’m drunk sometimes I’ll slip back into parts of it and the FLAMING SHALL COMMENCE. 

ahahah, this is essentially how I learned the word at all! I was in a Mexican grocery here years ago and picked something up like, “The FUCK is this?” 

#I actually think the argentinean accent is kinda neat don't tell anyone ahahah #I have never felt better than when I was like #'god I cannot understand a word Dominicans are saying' #and my coworker from Guatemala was like 'oh girl me too' #Its so interesting to me #i started learning spanish really young #so I can do the phonemes #you know? #roll my r #uptake the s sometimes in that way that it disappears but also doesn't #but like if you don't learn that shit up to a certain age you may never be able to MAKE the phoneme with you mouth #So folks who learned spanish older and can't roll their r aren't stupid #they just missed the window #same way I think there are many neat features of English variants #that I literally cannot do #not with every vocal coach in the WORLD could I do the intrusive R #I could never make it right #My mouth has never had to do that #Some people are of course very good at this but by and large this is why doing accents are hard #and learning languages at a speaking level is hard

[brine-in-my-eyes]

i feel like alot of my problems could be fixed or avoided entirely if i actually knew what anyone was actually fucking saying

#i have like #3 hit problems ina row #and its so fucking frustrating to live with #1. shit speakers cant hear what people are saying to me #2. shit language comprehension ive been trying to survive in this country for years and i still feel like im barely grasping what anyone is #-saying to me and its so fucking frustrating i just want to know and understand like every other person here please im fucking begging you #i want to be here i know im difficult to work with and i know im not the best at this whole language thing but please please please please- #-i want to be able to be normal i want to speak the language and i really want to understand whats happening when people speak #3. shit ears. doesnt help that one of thems basically popped too hard and also my general focus when it comes to listening #so wow not only is my problems stemming from a physical level but mental and internal problem too!!! great!!!! just wonderful. #i just want to speak in the language my country speaks in #is that too much to ask #why is it so hard #everything is so so difficult all the time #i just want to learn and know #when is it going to ever feel like enough #vent #sorry #i hate feeling like a foreigner in my own country #its so alienating to just exist right now #and im just really angry

[seraphim-soulmate]

I guess part of the reason i take care of my grandma is because I want to know what to expect when I'm around that age. It's hard to imagine what that must be like and considering I share a lot of traits with my grandmother, I'd like to be as prepared as I can be. I'm not sure if I'm hoping I'll make it to that age or not. I'm not sure if life will give me that.

#personal #i know its the loneliness that gets you #so im trying very hard to build and maintain friendships. maybe ill go live in cohouseing when im older. hopefully ill have a partner. #I'm not scared to go to a nursing home. in fact the scarier option is not being able to afford a nursing home. #jesus christ. do you ever think abojt that. #who will visit you when you are old. your friends grandchildren since you dont plan on having any #maybe ill have a partner with kids from a previous union. im sure that wont drive me insane. #isnt it fucking crazy that ill always be me. ill always be this person. even if my traits change and i get older. it'll still be me. #its fucked when you look forward in life to when you'll be old and the only thing you want is to be loved #i dont want success or achievements. i want to be loved. but im so so scared of that !!!! #i dont understand why people like me and asking them to explain doesnt help because i wouldnt know what to say if they asked. #its allegedly not about accumulating enough positive traits to be worthy of love but i dont know how to do it otherwise #i have to be worth loving. there has to be perks that come with the baggage.

[malkaviian]

i am having traumatized kid thoughts so dont read the tags if it makes you uncomfortable

#i just think its weird that while my abuse was the worst thing that happened to me im just too used to the fact it happened #the few memories i have are horrible but my brain registers them as just memories. like going to the park #they are extremely fucked up but also. 'my dad once hit me so hard i ended up on the floor' and 'i went grocery shopping yesterday' #are both things that happened. and thats why sometimes i dont realize i *shouldnt* freely talk about my trauma to people i barely know #it can make them uncomfortable and thats the most understandable thing ever; especially if they didnt went through trauma too. #im the problem here; whos too sensitive due to trauma but ironically desensitized to it. sometimes i have days where i get crisis #for everything that happened; but other days im just “well that was a weird time in my life lol shit just happens i guess” #while still having to deal with the consequences of it. #theres also the thing i cant imagine a childhood + teenage years without abuse. i try to think about it but i go blank. #its such an integral part of myself i cant imagine my life taking a different route. no way it could be different; it just had to happen. #why; its something i will forever wonder. it shouldnt have happened but it just had to too. its complicated. #also my horrible memory to the point i cant tell at what age a specific event happened. im not even able to give an approximate #because i genuinely have no idea. maybe it happened when i was 10; or maybe when i was 15. no fucking idea pal. the years all blur together #idk things are just like that #abuse tw #negative #? not sure; not really a vent just thinking out loud about serious stuff

[silverislander]

i know logically in my brain that i have a disorder that makes it hard for me to focus and do work, the symptoms of which are not gonna go away bc other people need/want me to do stuff, and still like. i'm behind on a bunch of shit for school rn and i'm kind of spiralling over it bc WHY IS IT HARD. this is stuff i like doing and that i want to do. and i can't for the life of me fucking do it and the deadlines are coming up and i NEED TO FUCKING GRADUATE so it has to get done

#i have two assignments due for indigenous lit and i havent even read/watched the materials which is fucking shameful ngl #im so disconnected and behind in that class its not even funny. ive been skating by reading part of the books and doing shit last minute #and i feel awful abt that in particular bc i WANT to give it my full attention. i want to learn. this is important and interesting to me #im also a week behind on my essay which terrifies me ngl #im a week OUT from the next deadline and thats not getting met. which begs the question of when im going to be able to submit it #when i asked my prof for extra time he said he trusts me to 'work conscientiously' which. god. thats so kind but i dont do that #theres an assignment next week for book history that i dont have even started and dont understand #and i cant make myself do fucking anything at all i want to fucking cry #why cant my brain work normally please this one time #why cant literally anyone in a position of authority take me seriously that its a problem i am literally begging rn #im tired of being told that im smart so i can do it bc i literally cant anymore! its been getting worse for years! #i Am smart enough to do this but something else is wrong!! please!! im trying so hard and i know its not this difficult for everyone #im only taking 4 courses! i know people taking 5 who arent struggling as much as me w workloads!! #its gonna take me failing for anyone to care and i cannot fail at this point. im almost done #levi.txt #vent tw #and then i also feel bad bc i blame everything on my adhd #but also. it does fucking affect all aspects of my life #and i feel like i complain too much but that simultaneously nobody is getting how hard shit is for me/how im not ok #delete later #im not asking for attention rn im just yelling into the void dw abt it. ill probably feel better in an hour or two

[themyscirah]

Just finished the Qi'ra saga (WotBH/Crimson Reign/Hidden Empire) minus some tie ins and I am....... not okay

Tragedy enjoyers you guys need to get on this one asap

#GOD- #characters that make me just.... #she literally succeeded is the wild part. like she was right there. it was happening. and then those idiots fucked it up but like she did it #i could go on about qi'ra for hours honestly #she's everything to me actually like you guys couldnt understand #wow i just.... #top 10 comics that im actually fucking obsessed with!!! #no because theres something that has to be said about star wars comics and how they exist as comics but are able to skirt around so many of #the rules of the genre #at least in the modern post lucasfilm buyout era #like its a comic but it exists #between canon events. like there are guidelines and places characters need to be #which i really think is the main reason why its so hard to make a horrendous star wars comic in this day and age #like they can be mid or engage with parts of canon you may not personally like but its REALLY difficult for them to be terrible since canon #is doing a good portion of the work #unfortunately the drawback there is that not enough people read the comics because theyre seen as just like unessential filler which like. #fine whatever i guess except they are SO fun and good #honestly i want to see more sharing back and forth between comicverse and the filmverse #like yeah its been done a bit but like i want more. sharing. back and forth #just like you all need to know i would commit horrible horrible crimes to see live action aphra. #good live action aphra. if they fuck her up somehow thats unforgivable honestly #bc like as i said comics cant get too bad bc of their spot in relation to the films the films and tv can and will fucking suck #and we need to protect my girl from that #blah #what was i talking about? oh the qi'ra saga #fucking LOVE the qi'ra saga. her character is so tragic and crunchy and just !!!!!!!!! #also very funny to me that my fave star wars characters range from like. qi'ra and aphra to like shmi and luke skywalker #like there is certainly a divide there #star wars #<<<<for organization

[supermarketcrush]

alright i finally finished a little life

#SPOILERS BELOW ummmm #i havent cried so hard reading a book in a very long time lmao #i did predict willem falling in love with jude and jude commiting suicide #but i did not forsee willem dying first which was so torture and anguish #i do wish jb's meth addiction and homosexuality/specifically jude's was discussed a little bit more #i understand not really writing about jb because he isnt the main character but #why was yanagihara so deliberately avoidant of discussing homosexuality explicitly. ? #like you will talk about their careers their racial identities relationships graphic self harm scenes but that? and i cant help #but think that is somehow the line she wont cross because it's unjustifiable to relate to it somehow #like queerness is the one unrelatable unwritable subject matter....??? am i going insane #also. this book has awakened my mind to so many people who are.........bad at reading #its “”“fanbase”“” is almost like a mockery of the book itself i cant explain it but sometimes it is so painful to look at #i dont agree with people who say it's yanagihara exploiting trauma she hasnt personally experienced bc to only be able to #write abt personal experiences is a miserable and very limiting way to write #which is why in that same vien i wish she wrote more on queerness but okay whatever i digress #jude st francis reminds me of franics abernathy........it's always those fucking franics boys #and now i kind of want to reread the secret history but i also want to take a break to read smth lighter #but the only books i have at home rn is the red dragon series. is red dragon a 'lighter' read than a little life? discuss #rant over! #🫀

[greatestexpectationss]

Poison Ivy

Luke Castellan x Fem!Daughter of Persephone Reader

Description: You've been best friends with Luke Castellan since you were 14 years old. Now you teeter on the edge of something more, but your jealousy causes you to question everything.

You’re a child of Persephone, one of the far and few in between. Your mother had claimed you an entire year after you’d arrived at camp. Chiron had claimed it was to protect you from Hades' wrath,  but you’d had a sickly feeling it was more than that. Children of Persephone are all springtime and warmth, and perhaps you are in the light of day but in the cover of the night, there is something else that claws at you. You are more winter than spring.

Your dad says its normal to feel disconnected from your mother at this age, but you don’t just feel disconnected you feel abandonded.

You’d never met your mother but you're so so angry with her.

Being the daughter of the goddess of spring came with expectations. You are loyal and kind, with a bit of a wild side. Your powers had manifested as chlorokinesis, you're particularly fond of plants, much like the children of Demeter, but you've got a hardness they don't have, a certain darkness only a child of the underworld could understand. You’d learned that on your quest, where you’d even able to speak and command hellhounds.

There was more to you than meets the eye.

For instance, your infamous knack for growing poison ivy around those who piss you of. It had earned you a loving nickname from Luke…

“Poison” he’d called you after a particularly nasty sprouting during a game of capture the flag when you were just 14 years old. It had been Luke’s first game at camp, some Ares boys were terrorizing him up in the trees, when you’d seen it you felt bad for him. Everyone knew the story of how Luke and Annabeth had arrived at camp with Grover and what had been sacraficed to get there or rather who. You’d come to his rescue, sprouting poison Ivy from nothing wrapping it around their legs and taking them out of the game in one fail swoop with your daggers.

They glared at you for weeks.

It had started a long-lasting friendship between you and Luke. You two were close, and you helped him out in the Hermes cabin a lot. You trained together, ate together, really you did everything together. Luke understands the burning anger that sits beneath the surface of your skin. He knows the warmth and brightness you radiate during the days, but he also knows the bitter darkness that hides within you.

Luke sees you under your mask and still he stays.

Maybe that's why you’d fallen so hard for him.

It was hard not to fall for Luke. He’s all tall, dark and handsome. He’s the best swordsman this camp has seen in 300 years, he radiates confidence and commands respect. But even without all of that everyone loves Luke. It's hard not to, really. He’s kind and brave. It’s no wonder the Aphrodite girls are so enamored with him, really most girls are.

Sometimes you’d catch him looking at you with this funny soft look in his eyes. His touch would linger longer than necessary when helping you during archery practice, and he’d laugh a little too loudly at your jokes, and give you that rare goofy grin when he finds you in a room full of people.

It’s in those moment you’d wonder if he feels the same way. When his words are just for you, when he drags you by your hand to the dock and lays down beside you to look at the starts. When he kisses you cheek before the both of you return to the cabin, when he peeks over the side of your bunk and whispers the sweetest goodnight.

But then there are times you think you're delusional.

Like tonight for instance.

You're sitting at the post capture the flag bonfire with a few of your friends. Selina from Aphrodite, Clarisse from Ares, Katie, from the Demeter cabin, and Juliette from Athena. The Apollo kids are singing and you're in a particularly good mood from winning. But then you look across the fire and Luke has a pretty Aphrodite girl dotting on him, Haley, you think her name is. She’s whispering in his ear, perfectly painted nails wrapped around his forearm.

She's the type of girl Luke deserves.

Juliette's finger snaps in front of your face drawing you away from your pity party. You sit on the bottom step of the bleachers with a leg on either side. Facing you is Juliette, up a step to your right sits Selina, Katie, and Clarisse.

“Hello earth to Y/N, anyone in there??” Clarisse asks, your eyes snap to her and bounce between the others, they all look ammused.

“Sorry,” you mumble cheeks heating in embarsement.

They all look over your head where you’d been staring, There's a knowing look that is shared between them before they looking back at you with a mix of exasperation, ammusment, and pity.

You don't know which one is worse.

“C’mon you don't think Luke’s really into that chick do you?” Katie asks you.

“That chicks name is Haley,” Silena reminds, before reaching out and squeezing you hand, “and Katie’s right everyone knows Luke’s crazy for you, I don't know why she's even bothering.”

Clarisse scoffs and cracks her knuckles, “I can kick both their asses if you want.”

This draws a laugh from you.

“Hey, there she is!” Juliette exclaims, pinching your cheek, you swat her hands away and roll your eyes, the pity is leaving your body but you're still left with the bitter taste of jealousy.

“We’re just friends,” is what you settle with, earning an eye roll from all four of your friends.

“We are!” you insist, running a hand through your hair, “He can flirt with whoever he wants.”

“Y/N, do you think we’re dumb?” Clarisse asks.

“What? No of course I don’t—”

“Well then you know you can’t lie to us,” Katie says, she's much kinder than Clarisse who stares at you expectantly. A classic daughter of Demeter, she reaches for your hand and squeezes. You close your eyes for a second and sigh before looking back over at Luke. The Aphrodite girl is sitting closer to him now, he's nodding along to something she's said. You look away quickly.

“Katie’s right, and as a daughter of Aphrodite I can tell you without a doubt Castellan is just as crazy for you as you are him,” Silena’s so sure of herself, you wish you could feel that confident, you wish you knew how he felt.

“Yeah well it sure doesn't seem that way,” you gesture towards where they’re sitting. Across from you Juliette hums.

“Maybe he’s confused,” she says

“Or maybe Haley just doesn't know how to take a hint” Clarisse grumbles. You sigh and swing your leg over the bleachers before standing up.

“Where are you going?” Katie asks, brow furrowed.

“I just need some air,” you say.

“Y/N we’re literally outside,” Clarisse quips, you glare at her.

“Figurative air,” you say, gesturing wildly around you, away from all of this.”

You're much too aware of how pathetic this all is, you pining in a corner with your friends and Luke across the way with a pretty girl who deserves him. You're not some scorned lover, you're just a sad teenage girl.

“Do you want me to come?” Juliette asks you. She's such a good friend, fiercely loyal, they all are really, and you're incredibly thankful for them.

You wave her off anyway, “I’ll be fine, I’ll catch up with you guys later.”

Your friends say their goodbyes, not before reminding you for the thousandth time about the small party in the Aphrodite cabin later that evening.

If you'd been paying attention you'd have noticed Luke’s boredom, you’d have noticed his eye that always seemed to follow you.

It’s darker as you get further away from the bonfire, you don't mind, the few lanterns lighting the path to the lake give you enough light that you can at least see where you're going. When you arrive at the lake, you're thankful no one else has had the same idea. You can't even count the number of times you've snuck away with Luke only to find numerous couples making out.

Tonight there's no one, maybe because it had been a particularly rough game of capture the flag, or maybe because the usual suspects (aka Chris and Clarisse) are still at the bonfire.

You make your way toward the end of the dock before sitting down, feet dangling off the edge you lean back on your hands and lift your head back to look at the stars. Around you the only sound is nature, and very far off in the distance, you can hear the faintest sound of the Apollo kids singing. Their voices echo and combine with the sounds of the trees.

It would be peaceful if you weren't so miserable.

“There you are.”

You open your eyes and turn your head over the shoulder. Luke’s approaching you with that goofy grin on his face and a sweatshirt in his hands. He pops down next to you on the dock and hands you the sweater.

“I figured you’d get cold, you didn't have a jacket at the bonfire,” he explains when you give him a confused smile.

“Oh,” you say meekly, pulling it over your head, it's much too big for you and it smells like Luke and kind of makes you want to cry. Still, you tell him thank you. His smile drops a little when you don't say anything else.

“You wanna tell me what's wrong Poison?” he asked gently, nudging your shoulder with his. You pick at the sleeves of his sweater, eyebrows furrowed, but hearing the concern in his voice you manage a small smile.

“Nothing’s wrong, I'm just tired,” you excuse. You meet his eyes and you can tell he doesn't believe you.

“Y/N—”

“Seriously, I'm good, thank you for checking on me, and thank you for your jacket but you should go back I'm sure Haley is wondering where you are and I'm really okay,” you promise. He’s got the goofy grin on his face again and he lets out a breathy laugh.

“Are you laughing at me?” you asked annoyed. He’s still smiling like he knows something you don't, he's enjoying this.

“What?”

“You're jealous,” you go wide-eyed eyes at his declaration, but you recover quickly with a scoff.

"I am not jealous," you deny, your voice gives you away when it quivers on the last syllable of your sentence. Luke’s grin only grows.

"Yeah okay Poison," he throws an arm over your shoulder, "whatever you say."

I’m going to push him into the lake, you think to yourself. 

You don’t, instead, you settle for pushing his arm off of your shoulder.

"Whatever, I’m outta here," you say before promptly standing up and storming up the dock. You've got tears in your eyes you're thankful he didn't see. You can hear him laughing and calling for you but you don't turn around. You know he's not doing it to be mean, Luke's got a thing for teasing you, and you know he thinks that's what this is.

It doesn't make the sting of it any less.

Luke's got long legs, and you can hear him scrambling after you calling your name. You ignore him up the dock and the sand before he stops you stepping in your path.

"C'mon Poison I know I'm hard to resi–" he stops when he sees the tears in your eyes and you turn your face away from him. His brows furrow in concern when he realizes you don’t think it's funny. He reaches for you again but you take a step back and cross your arms over your chest. 

"Hey, hey, hey, what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong"

"You're crying"

"So?"

He looks at you like you've sprouted 8 heads.

 "What do you mean so??" You pinch the bridge of your nose, you've seriously had enough of him playing dumb. "Can you just drop it please?" you beg, shifting on your feet and wiping furiously at your eyes before any tears can actually fall from your waterline. 

But he's Luke and your Y/N and you should know by now he's not gonna drop it.

"Wait," he hums taking a step closer to you and prying your crossed arms away from the safety of your body, he holds both of your hands with his own and presses them to his chest, you've got nowhere to hide. Finally, he asks, "Were you actually jealous?"

His tone is softer this time, it holds no teasing just a gentleness you can't quite describe. You don't know if it’s pity or fondness, you're not sure which answer scares you more. You still can’t look him in the eyes.

"No–"

"Y/N, c'mon don't lie to me."

You huff in response. He steps even closer to you. 

"Last week Lee Fletcher was helping you at archery practice," he says finally, you look at him now, his grin is gone but the soft smile he’s giving you, makes you feel like he’s going to let you down easy. He’s going to use Lee as a buffer, say it's clear there's something there when it's nothing. You feel for Lee the kind of platonic love you wish you felt for Luke. 

What you feel for Luke is world-changing and gut-wrenching.

"Okay,” is all you can say, you try to step away again but Luke just grips your hands a little tighter.

“Just let me finish,” he pleads, you nod your head and avoid direct eye contact with him, instead you focus on his dark hair, the dark curls that shine under the moonlight. If he notices you aren’t looking him in the eye, he’s at least nice enough not to say anything about it. 

"He said something to you, I wasn't close enough to hear what it was but it had you cracking up and laughing in the best way," Luke takes his thumb and stokes the corner of your mouth, "you get a little dimple right here when you laugh did you know that?"

You didn't, you also didn't even know he had been there that day. You don't even remember what Lee said that had made you laugh, something about your aim.

"What's your point?" you mumble, his touch on your face is searing and his other hand has moved to your waist, you can feel the burn of his skin through your (his) jacket. You finally cave and meet his eyes, he’s looking at you with such softness you think you might melt on the spit. You're not stupid either, you know what this is. But you need to hear him say it, or you might actually die.

"I was jealous," he shrugs, like it's no big deal, thumb tracing up your check to tuck a stray hair behind your ear before dragging it down to cup your face. "I didn't have any reason to be but I was.” 

Then with that goofy grin he says, “Kinda sounds like someone else I know."

You’re smiling at him now, you both know this is teetering far too close to the edge to come back from now. In fact, even without him saying it, without kissing him, you don’t think you could ever come back from this.

"Why?" you ask him, hands coming to rest at the nape of his neck, you play with the strings of his camp necklace to distract yourself from the lessening distance between the two of you. He’s dipping his head closer to you, so close that if he speaks your lips will touch. You want him to kiss you in a way you’ve never wanted anything before.

"You know why." And then he's kissing you. His arm around your waist tightens instinctively, and he presses his lips to yours hungrily, like a starved man who's just arrived at a feast. Your hands drop his necklace and weave through the shorter hair at the nape of his neck, something akin to a sigh of relief floods through both of you. His hand is in your hair now, and he tasted of marshmallows and spearmint, something so distinctly Luke. It’s incredibly intoxicating you don’t want to pull away. And you don’t until you absolutely have to in order to catch your breath, Luke chases after your lips with his own. Kissing them softly once, and then twice, before pulling back and looking at you with a smile on his face. This time you return it, a little laugh escapes your lips before it grows louder.

“Alright now who’s laughing at who?” he grumbles, still smiling despite his tone, his thumb strokes your dimple, and it allows you to compose youself. 

“I’m sorry,” you say reaching up to kiss him softly again. He’s smiling still, so you know you haven’t really offended him. “I just kinda feel like an idiot now,” you admit. 

“Well you are one,” he tells you cheekily, squezzing your sides with both hands in the way he knows you both adore and detest, you squeal and stumble into him, gripping onto his biceps in attempts to get him to stop. “You’re absolutely the dumbest person alive if you think there’s any world that I would wanna do this with anyone else.”

“Really?” you ask.

“Really,” he confirms. You reach up and kiss him again, a little more searing than sweet. Both of Luke’s hands are back in your hair and he’s kissing you back just as fervently, you feel his tongue slip in your mouth, and you swear you’ve died and gone to heaven. It’s Luke who pulls away this time, gasping for air. 

“I think I might be in love with you,” he admits.

“Yeah, I think I might be in love with you too.”

Suddenly you both hear footsteps approaching quick and heavy, Clarisse stops in front of you both and takes in your dishelved appearance, before rolling her eyes and yelling.

“Guys I found them! You all owe me $20!” she calls out to what you assume to be your group of friends.

“Clarisse what the hell?” you mutter stepping away from Luke reluctantly. Chris comes barelling out of the forest, tripping over shrubbery. Luke pouts at the loss of contact

“They were making out?” he pouts to Clarisse who gestures towards you both as if to say well just look at them! then Chris turns to you and Luke, “You guys couldn’t have waited like one more day?”

You laugh as Luke whacks him upside the head. The four of you begin making your way towards the rest of your friends and the Aphrodite cabin where the party (which is so not a party) is. Your girlfriends squeal and Luke’s friends cringe. Luke throws his arm around your shoulder, "All good Poison?" he ask.

"I'm good, how are you?" he laughs and kisses your head.

"Never better."

You look up at him fondly and kiss the bottom of his scar as the two of you enter the cabin with the rest of your friends.

Across the room, Haley pouts with her siblings, but you don’t notice. You’re too enamored with Luke, the boy you’ve loved for as long as you can remember. The boy who loves you back.

#luke castellan #luke castellan x reader #luke castellan x you #luke castellan imagine #pjo series #luke castellan oneshot #pjo tv show #pjo fanfic #luke castellan pjo #x reader #fem reader #reader insert