#its me i don't want to work

[dear-ao3]

oh for fucks sake my queue ran out again? the audacity. and now i have to FILL IT??? outrageous. no one wants to work these days.

#its me i don't want to work #anyway give me a few minutes #not a tag #from saph #the funniest part is that it ran out two days ago and i didnt notice

[inkskinned]

at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"

like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.

"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."

... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.

and i'd still keep writing.

i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.

i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley

"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"

and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.

it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.

you create because you're greedy.

#every time someones like ''AI will replace u" im like. u will have to fucking KILL ME #there is no replacement here bc i am not filling a position. i am just writing #and the writing is what i need to be doing #writeblr #this probably doesn't make sense bc its sooo frustrating i rarely speak it the way i want to #edited for the typo wrote it and then was late to a meeting lol #i love u people who mention my typos genuinely bc i don't always catch them!!!! :) it is doing me a genuine favor!!! #my friend says i should tell you ''thank you beta editors'' but i don't know what that means #i made her promise it isn't a wolf fanfiction thing. so if it IS a wolf thing she is DEAD to me (just kidding i love her) #hey PS PS PS ??? if ur reading this thinking what it's saying is ''i am financially capable of losing this'' ur reading it wrong #i write for free. i always have. i have worked 5-7 jobs at once to make ends meet. #i did not grow up with access or money. i did not grow up with connections or like some kind of excuse #i grew up and worked my fucking ASS OFF. and i STILL!!! wrote!!! on the side!!! because i didn't know how not to!!! #i do not write for money!!!! i write because i fuckken NEED TO #i could be in the fucking desert i could be in the fuckken tundra i could be in total darkness #and i would still be writing pretentious angsty poetry about it #im not in any way saying it's a good thing. i'm not in any way implying that they're NOT tryna kill us #i'm saying. you could take away our jobs and we could go hungry and we could suffer #and from that suffering (if i know us) we'd still fuckin make art. #i would LOVE to be able to make money doing this! i never have been able to. but i don't NEED to. i will find a way to make my life work #even if it means being miserable #but i will not give up this thing. for the whole world.

[vi-138]

#sth #shadow the hedgehog #wahh been working on this for ages can finally get rid of it yippee #luzki's art #the needles are pretty stylized so i don't think i need a cw #but let me know if i should #i imagine shadow would be apprehensive about going to the doctor #after gerald happened #also because he's convinced hes invincible and hates vulnerability lmao #man don't you love medical malpractice #its so silly to me that ppl on the arc went and made a fully sentient hedgehog #like. if you wanted a living weapon or develop pathogen resistance there are surely easier ways to go about it #i'm just rambling now #i love silly edgy hedgehog and his truckload of trauma

[shadebloopnik]

Unrequited/One-sided Radioapple but it isn't treated like an angsty end of the world thing.

Imagine they slowly get closer after all the banters, and eventually becoming close friends. Lucifer ends up catching feelings for him, and after a long while, decides to confess and ask Alastor if he felt the same.

Alastor admittedly does not feel the same.

He's getting uncomfortable, struggling to keep his composure because he's DONE this before. He KNOWS how this ends. He remembers Vox and all his insistent declarations of affection and desperate pleas for Alastor to reciprocate; the possessive entitlement. He remembers how all those sickly sweet words morphed into something venomous when he didn't give the lowlife what he wanted. He remembers the anger, the ridiculous notion that it was Alastor's fault why he was so mad, that Alastor led him on and that he obviously deserved something in payment for it all-

So yes, Alastor knows how this ends.

It doesn't mean he isn't disappointed though, because he actually LIKES Lucifer, far more than he ever did Vox. Perhaps not in the way the king might have wanted, but he did. He treasured their little talks, their drinking sessions, their shared love for their instruments, Lucifers singing, their little duets, the banter, the playful jabs, the sparring.

He'd even slowly grown accustomed to the other's touches, not feeling the same surge of disgust and discomfort whenever the shorter man would grab at his arm in excitement, forgetting his usual thoughtfulness of Alastor's touch aversion for the short moment of whatever distracted him. Alastor even enjoyed it at times, relaxing at the feel of soft feathers beneath his claws, or the sensation of gentle scratches against his ears.

Difficult as it was to admit, Alastor had grown to care for the angel, the same way he had for Rosie orv Mimzy.

But no matter how fond Alastor was of Lucifer, it didn't change the fact that he didn't feel the same way romantically, or even sexually. No way in the 7 rings of Hell was he going to lie to Lucifer about either, not going to even entertain the idea of pretending he reciprocated for Lucifer's sake. He respected his friend too much for that.

So a clear, direct rejection it is. It was a shame, but nothing could be done. He said his piece concisely, and waited, shoulders set, back straight, smile and eyes a careful blank canvas as he prepared for the inevitable.

Lucifer nodded, a normal soft smile still in place, "Thank you for your answer, it means a lot."

Which......what? Alastor expected an outburst, or at the very least sharp words.

What he did NOT expect was....acceptance? And not just that but, a happy one? Contentment?????

"You're....alright with that?", he had to ask, he had to. Lucifer was clearly just very good at masking his upset.

But the damn angel just smiled?? And it didn't even look fake, just as bright and soft as his normal smiles, albeit a little confused?? Lucifer smiled at him, his brows furrowing in a bit of confused disbelief, as though Alastor is being the weird one here.

"Uhh, yeah??? Why wouldn't I be??? Yeah I may have some feelings for you but its not like you're obligated to feel the same. Above anything else, we're friends first and foremost and i'm alright with that..."

Then he seemed to have reached his own little conclusion as his words trailed off, because suddenly Lucifer's eyes widened in realization of something, and his words picking up with a sense of panicked urgency.

Alastor would really like to know what Lucifer's supposed realization was about himself because he had absolutely no clue.

"I mean, we ARE still friends right?? I don't- I- I hope this doesn't like- change your opinion of me. You're not- oh gosh I'm not making you uncomfortable am I? I- I won't mention it! You can even forget this whole confession ever happened! We can just go on as before! I don't feel any different or would act any different! Honest! I mean, I don't regret confessing because you deserve to know and I'm not ashamed of my feelings, but I don't want you to be uncomfortable! It doesn't change the way i'll treat you! Or change any aspect of our relationship! I don't even think I like you more as a lover than as a friend! I really, really do love our friendship, it matters more to me than any thoughts of being in a romantic relationship with you! So please just forget it all-"

Alastor let the word vomit wash over him, every word leaving him more confused by the minute.

Because yes, there's the desperation he expected, but...it was more about, convincing Alastor to remain friends?? Reassuring Alastor that nothing has to change?? That their friendship is the most important thing here??

(If anyone asks, no Alastor's heart didn't swell. Only lesser beings would have had the urge to cry, and Alastor is anything but.)

Lucifer is unknowingly reassuring Alastor of every single one of his insecurities about the situation. Because Alastor DID want to remain friends, he cared too much about the man to let it go so easily. It was rare to find people who treasure friendships above romantic relationships.

"I don't tend to forget easily, nor will I forget this one in particular.", he spoke, finally finding his voice. At Lucifer's defeated, pained expression( is their friendship really that important to him?), he continued. "But....yes. I'd like that.. To remain...friends."

He didn't often say the word out loud, being comfortable enough with each other that it need not be reassured with the label. But with Lucifer brightening up like his namesake, relief and happiness palpable, Alastor felt no qualms at declaring their friendship out loud.

So life went on as usual. True to his word, Lucifer remained basically the same. The following weeks were a bit stilted for Alastor, as he put some rather painful distance between him and the angel; limiting their interactions, their usual touches.

Anytime now, Lucifer would break and show his true colors, Alastor would think, waiting for the boot to drop. Lucifer would end up angry, and dissatisfied, and that was that.

But it never happened. Lucifer never expressed discomfort when Alastor avoided him, seeming to be understanding of the others need for space. He was just as affectionate as before, though initially a bit held back, as though gauging Alastor's comfort.

Months would pass, and the king never faltered. Their friendship remained strong, if not growing ever closer than before. Alastor found himself even growing more comfortable with the man. Affectionate touches were becoming common, hugs and head pats and cuddles being a welcome thing, with the reassurance that the shorter king would never disrespect his boundaries.

Lucifer seemed genuinely happy about it, despite being clearly told that none of Alastor's actions hinted at anything romantic. In fact, he seemed ecstatic that Alastor was getting more affectionate towards him as a friend. The embarrassment the radio demon felt at having Lucifer basically tear up (no really, he was crying so hard, full on drama sobbing) with joy in front of him was intertwined with the sheer incredulous fondness he felt for the man at that moment.

They were sitting at a couch one night, more than a year passing since that confession. Lucifer was leaning back, resting against the cushions, while Alastor had his head on the smaller one's shoulder, nuzzling at the crook of his neck, legs tucked close to his body. Both had a book in hand, two nearly empty cups of tea on the table in front of them. Every so often, Lucifer would flex his fingers that rested on Alastor's head, running a digit against the other's ear, often prompting the demon to lean into the touch. White wings enveloped the two, blanketing them against the chill of the night.

As Alastor turned the page of his own book, relaxing into the touch of his dearest friend, he wondered how he ever got so lucky in hell.

#this may have gotten away from me lmao #this was supposed to be a rlly short prompt of 'Unrequited love but overbrimming friendship' but instead i typed out this word vomit- #i don't know if im labeling things right here??? this may not look platonic tk others but ig im sort of projecting here #bc i want friendships like this soo badd. i mean this is still platonic right??? this is normal friendship behavior like come onnn #I've been teased about being ace bc of this mindset but i always just go RIGHT this is how friendship works y'all blind😭😭😭 #bloopnik writing #bloopnik rambles #radioapple #appleradio #platonic radioapple #platonic relationships #aroace alastor #alastor hazbin hotel #alastor hazbin #hazbin hotel alastor #hazbin alastor #alastor #duckiedeer #unrequited feelings #BUT NOT UNREQUITED LOVE HELL YEA #one sided radiostatic #lucifer morningstar #hazbin hotel #THEY LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH AND ITS BEAUTIFUL #queerplatonic #i think #fic #fanfic #radiosilence

[collophora]

Do yourself a favor and go read the entire fanfic work of @fanfoolishness

(In order: Under sun and shade, Blind Side, and Breathless (patching up is one of my fav too, I just had no cool sketch idea for it)

#star wars #star wars the bad batch #the bad batch fanart #tbb fanart #tbb fanfiction #dumping my “fanfic_doodles.clip” file here literally #sorry the style is messy #now I see them all Im like “ok it's all over the place zero/100 aesthetically pleasuring post” #hhhh its the thought that counts? #And tbh the point is just to convince you to read theses #because I'm like OBSSEEESSED with theses since you appeared in my notes #Every fic is gold #Me baiting my followers with pretty enough pictures to read fanfics #this being said I should really take the time to color properly my stuff #but I don't liiiiiiiiike it #there is tons of more talented artists if people want colored beautiful amazing art #me I can't really make my “”“spontaneous”“” “”“doodles”“” pretty without trying hard and at the end it's meh #They're so flat too #yesterday I was like “oh my scenes are becoming less flat I improved maybe” #Then I scrolled on my storyboard insta and was like #yeah sure no #I'm still faaaaaar away from the industry standards #I studied like at three arts school and I'm still bad at drawing TAT #why is my brain not working v_v #look brain I'm showing you nice pictures learn from them #brain: no Im gonna overfixate on this left hand here and only this #anyway

[starrysharks]

evilution

#zeno's art #ocs #reassassination #octavia krankenstein #dr krankenstein #i still need to go back and change all the tags ughhhhh #anyway just drawing them standing there for the 18 billionth time #iwant to fully understand their (specifcally krank's) designs #of course octavia is perfect and only recieved tiny changes #meanwhile with krank im trying to make him look a LOT more dishevelled #his old design didn't have much personality #but i tried to give more of a “don't care” feeling to his apperance (oversized coat + baggy pants + stupid slippers) #to show that he only cares about his work and his own appearance is unimportant #its also an irony because (mini spoiler) he cared a lot about his appearance in the past lol #i wont go into detail on that ;-) #well anyway he has a funky new hairstyle now #the top half of him is basically final. im just wrangling the outfit now #also i do not know how tall he should actually be #octavia is like 5 foot 6 and krank was originally 6 foot 3 but i want him to be kind of awkwardly tall #not like 7 foot tall just tall to the point where he towers over nearly everyone #kind of adds to his hunchbacked awkwardness #ah well anyway pleasepleasplease let me know what you GENUINELY think of the designs i want to hear HATE and CRITIQUE

[helielune]

people come and people go, but i stay (ghostride)

#infinity train #rymin #happy (slightly early) vday yalls #took me like over 2 hrs (to be fair. it was mostly trying to figure out how the app worked) #my art #trying out this cool new idea called every time i start looping a song ad nauseam i draw something for it #'trying out' actually its just happening to me outside of my control #ok just cus it's a rymin animation i'm gonna say as an aside i did not forget the wicked animatic exists #there are just some circumstances that make working on it slightly inconvenient #(new animation club that my friends founded that i'm not a part of but they kinda use the art rooms during all my free time) #(so i don't want to intrude. with my masterpiece of an animatic wip yknow) #(so im thinking either i get a job and buy my own software subscription to finish it or i sneak in during some rare off hrs) #yeah thats the update i might upload an actual video wip sometime tho idk #animation

[mattodore]

he's waiting on a call he's planning to send straight to voicemail

#sorry matthias </3 maybe he'll pick up the next time you try calling............ <- me when i lie #river dipping #ts4 #ts4 edit #gifs #theodore doe #echthroi #hi friends and lovers hope everyone's doing well <3 #i got my old laptop to work so i have a laptop again even if the battery on it is messed up #but still #i haven't been online much bc i've started getting dizzy from staring at computer/phone screens for too long #and in particular the act of scrolling either on mobile or desktop makes my head spin and my eyes hurt :/ #but i powered through it yesterday so i could get in game with theo (and matthias) since i missed him really bad... oc plague be upon ye #i took... well. like five hundred screenshots and forty videos... i was in the soup. the mattodore soup. what can i say? #i don't like posting too much on here bc. i'm crazy (<- has avpd) so i probably won't post much from yesterday's fun here #but i'll post whatever i want on pillowfort <3 pic of jerma holding out his hand captioned let's take mattodore together #what else should i say before leaving... right my inbox... well i'll get to it eventually <- have been saying this since october sorry #but okay i've been staring at my screen too long so i need to go lay down for a bit #enjoy theo in motion!! if you’re a theo-head like myself #theodite à la jermamite? hm. its in the works. i’m workshopping. #mentioning jerma twice in these tags… busting a cyanide pill onto my tongue i’ve said too much #i have to go now mwah mwah mwah bye warmth and love to you mwah

[scificrows]

The feed ID doesn’t need to say anything other than what everyone else’s says, just name, gender, and…” She trailed off. She was looking at me and I was looking at her. - Martha Wells, Fugitive Telemetry (The Murderbot art I used is the official cover art from the French edition of ASR)

#murderbot #the murderbot diaries #yeah i'm playing around with the murderbot cover art again :) #this murderbot is from the french edition of ASR! i think it's one of my favorite cover armor designs! i love that spine #i only wanted to make a cute pink aesthetically pleasing edit with murderbot's feed id but then i was thinking #about how murderbot's feed ID is super minimalistic and doesn't tell people anything about it really #(and how it actually would have preferred a null feed ID??? #remember?? 'here on preservation it meant 'please don’t interact with me.' it was perfect' sgdhhjsgdjhsd ily murderbot) #vs. what i can only imagine is going in murderbot's private feed gsdhjgsdhfg #idk. i might be projecting but mb seems like a 254 tabs open at all times kinda person to me #also idk this seems kinda analogous to #mb opaquing its helmet in ASR vs. all the emotions and expressions that are happening underneath the helmet :) #(oh and this is not really how i envision the feed it's more of a visualization of how i imagine the feed works) #(and stylized in a way that was easiest for me to edit together sdhfgjhfg) #(also i KNOW that they don't have ao3 and youtube and spotify and wikihow etc etc but. i was having fun with this okay) #(and this already took an embarrassingly long time to put together as it is without me trying to design new forms of media welp) #ANYWAYS #more pink murderbot aesthetics from me because i'm a simple creature and pink is fun #𓄿

[uncanny-tranny]

I recently had to do a project in one of my psych classes, and man, I knew that CBT was used for every little thing, but seeing over and over, "do CBT! CBT is the best for every mental illness!" was so jarring. I'm absolutely biased because of my own experiences, but I just don't think it's as universal a treatment model as it's touted.

If you didn't benefit from CBT, it's not because you're lazy or didn't try hard enough or lacked intelligence or foresight into your own needs. Frankly, it's a therapy model that (I think) shouldn't be the only readily-accessible model and among the only therapy models covered by insurance. Some of us should not be treated in a CBT model and that's okay. It's not a sign of poor character or unreasonable demands, and if you don't think it's a model that works for you, then it's your right to express that!

#mental health #mental health advocacy #it was just so annoying because every resource i could access for this project often ONLY recommended cbt and #that just doesn't seem helpful for a good chunk of people #because i know i never benefitted from that model of therapy #obligatory: i am not against this therapy. me having a negative experience with it is not indicative that i believe it should be abolished' #if it works for you: KEEP DOING IT. cbt is not inherently harmful for MANY people and it's a good and valuable tool for many #but the overemphasis of cbt as the Only Therapy Model You Need sends this message that YOU failed... #...if you don't miraculously recover with that therapy model. it often feels like you'll Fail Recovery/Therapy and you're now a Bad Person #i've tried for over a decade to stick out cbt with a dozen therapists to boot. so i think i know a thing or two about my experiences with it #and overall its an unimpressive model (for me) as someone whos had a history with abuse and miscellaneous mental knickknacks rattling around #it's also frustrating because i genuinely like psych and i love learning about people #it's just. i'm tired of only being exposed to cbt (because i hate it honestly) #i feel similarly about cbt as i do with sigmund fucking frued #anyway i just want other insane people (affectionate) to remember that they deserve to not beat themselves up over this #if you're an insane person reading this: i love you i love you i love you i love you #i will share a slice of cake and homemade bread with you <3

[theproblemcallednight]

my entry for @kokoasci's dtiys!! congrats to her for 5k; ur art style is so cool and is a big inspiration to me!!

#you guys don't want to know how many layers this took #20 minimum #i need to clean up my process istg #ah well it kind of worked out in the end #also ik sigma isn't centred its annyoing me too #my art program is acting up tho so this was the best i could do #this was very fun tho :D #anyways #bsd #bungo stray dogs #bsd sigma #sigma bsd #koko5kdtiys #night does art

[findafight]

Genuinely think some folks need to remove how we, the audience, see characters and relationships from an outside perspective from how those characters actually interact. Like y'all ask for nuance and I'm telling you that just because Nancy has gone through trauma and absolutely deserves to be as messy and complicated and hurt as she wants, doesn't mean Robin wouldn't think twice about dating her?

It's not about whose fault it is or centering a male character, it's about how Robin, the character, would interpret and internalize the facts she knows. She has no idea what exactly Nancy has been through, like we have. She encouraged Steve and Nancy in S4 to get back together, she comforted him when Nancy went straight back to Jonathan. Robin's place as Steve's best friend, someone she trusts implicitly, the person she wants to combine with, puts Steve as an important aspect of her life!

It's not that she hates Nancy! It's that even though they broke up a year and a half ago, there's some unresolved or redeveloping feelings there for Steve. It's not that I think Steve could/would/should be hurt or angry about his best friend dating his ex. It's that, in my opinion, Robin, from what we see of her, doesn't seem inclined to date a friend's ex. It's about Robin, and her personality, and that means her friendship and love of Steve.

#anti ronance #finda's rambles #stranger things #idk its about robin for me. she would put her friendship with steve above a romantic relationship with anyone #struggling to put this into words but its frustrating when people claim we're making it about steve when i dont feel that way #to me im prioritizing Robin. and stobin i guess #it also seems like people hate being reminded that robin wants to live in steves brain. and that WOULD factor into her choices #that may affect him. yknow. like dating his ex. #its got nothing to do with how i feel about the stancy breakup (messy but if they TALKED could be worked through) #i also don't think they're compatible and have multiple reasons i simply don't vibe with the ship #but those aren't misinterpreted just ignored i guess

[diplomagics]

'Tis the season to go camping 🏕️

And now you can with this Plush Cushion minion mod.

It's flat-surface dependent and needs a fair amount of space.

If you take screenshots with it, you're legally obligated to show me.

I'm a screenshot lawyer, I'd know.

#ffxiv mods #ffxiv mod #this one was fun to work with but i weep every time i want to make a big mod #flat surfaces are NOT plentiful out here for camping #you will probably struggle a bit to use this in RP but it is what it is #and in this case its a gorgeous little mod really #bone apple teeth #oh and as usual feel free to hit up discord if you want to watch me lose my mind over future projects #i don't do server exclusive nonsense so you ain't missing out if you don't

[littlelightfish]

We alredy know what's Chilchuck's worst nightmare. What if I told you that it was canon?

His daughters have alredy been eaten. His wife was eaten too. His family are all dead. His worst nightmare has come truth. And he for sure feels like it's partially his fault, because it's the Winged Lion doing, yes, but who helped Laios get here? Chilchuck. And who's daughters and wife are now dead because of it? Chilchuck's. The suggestion of recreating them tells us that they've alredy been eaten. The way he says it makes it feel like it's too late. They're dead. Because of him. Of his actions. Of his job. The irony of it all is actually quite cruel. He makes a union so he can prevent bad things to happen to his race, to his family, and then, and he works at the union. And now, because of his job, he got them all killed.

He doesn't even know how his daughters are until way later, I don't even know if in the manga they send letters to him during the feast, because I know they don't go to said feast. So Chilchuck doesn't know if his girls are alright until, again, way later. We know they don't die because, well, there's this comic of them going to meet Laios, the new king. But if not for that, who could tell us they didn't die on the monster appearances? I can imagine that after the feast Chil went stright to check on them. Because he loves his daughters, and he cares for his wife. He sucks at communicating it, yes, but he does.

He doesn't want to risk his family's safety. But he, unknowingly, unwillingly, indirectly, did. He got them eaten by those demons because he helped his friends achieve his goal. Because he cared about Falin and wanted her to be human again. Because he cared about Laios and didn'twanted to see him loose his sister. Because he cared about Marcille, Senshi and Itsuzumi. He cares so much about everyone and wants to help everyone (in his own way), that he doesn't think that the result would, inevitably so, be the worst outcome for him. The one in wich work and private life get mixed together. His job as a member of Laios's party ended dragging his family in, despite his best efforts. His job ended up, not only endangering the whole word with demons, but his family. His four precious girls. It ended up almost killing them (probably it killed them for some time because getting eaten by those demons works wierd).

Worst part? He didn't have the time to be mourn over what he 100% sure thought was the complete loss of his family. He was in a hurry to survive himself, so he pushed those sad feelings and tried his best to help who he had left. Later on he finds out that the demons spitted out people. And he seems shocked with some kind of surprised relief.

He looks how everyone that got eaten was alive. And he can't quite either believe it nor understand it. He is really confused. So they didn't die? Are my daughters ok? Is my wife ok? Did everybody survived? Are they alive? He dares to hope that they're all ok and pulls into a box his feelings again, saving it up for when he has the time to be overwhelmed about this all. He has a feast, trying not to worry, but worried sick. Then he goes home and checks on them.

Give this poor man a break and a beer...

#do not. #make him miserable #make him suffer #because #he is a father and a husband and is worried sick about his family well-being all the time #they are why he acts like he does #why he tries to keep family and work in separate rooms #but he fails so catastrophically its almost comical #like #luckily they were alright #but its a miracle his hair doesn't turn white right away #maybe he writed a letter to his daughters during the prepararions for the feast #that would explain why he doesn't have a single white hair after this #but we'll say he disnt for the sake of angst #dungeon meshi #chilchuck #chilchuck tims #chilchuck angst #dunmeshi #dunmeshi angst #dungeon meshi angst #dungeon meshi spoilers #delicious in dungeon #if you want to write something about this #dm me the fic #i NEED TO SEE THE ANGST #@ me if you don't want to dm me but i might not see it because it would get lost in my notifs :( #my shit

[eternalglitch]

I don't do it often but ao3 does have a block function now that effectively makes users unable to comment on any of my work and if you go to my other works and just talk about lfls updating I might use it. As a warning.

#glitch speaks #another annoying one was someone saying “day x until this updates” #by day 3 I blocked them bc wth #where are any ounce of fandom manners #I don't like doing it bc usually its just people that do like my work and want more #but do not treat me as a free content machine

[bardengarde]

There is something about making an oc and accidentally recognizing some traits you've given them are traits you can relate to

Not even trying to make a self insert and I've done those before, but seeing parts of yourself and things you struggle with and coming to a halt because I Didn't Mean To Do That. Where Do I Go From Here? Do I Continue To Develop This? There's Issues Here I'm Not Ready To Deal With Myself With.

#and it sucks because you want the oc to exist!!!! but its one thing to make an oc and project parts of yourself onto it #to try and work through insecurities and issues and gives yourself some comfort #and an entirely different thing to try to create a character with a good story and suddenly you're looking into a mirror #i won't disclose which oc bc if i post them i don't want people pointing at them and thinking every decision about them relates to me #because they don't and won't #but... damn