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slashingdisneypasta · 4 years

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Horror / Six: The Musical AU (X Reader) || Headcanons

Explanation: So all the songs are being sun by different readers with different Henry’s (The Horror Villains of course) instead of one Henry. I think its pretty straight forward apart from that! I hope to make a second part to this where the readers actually meet up and complain about their times with their respective horror villains. This is fun XD Had the idea a couple months back and I posted it and one blog commented saying Six is their favourite musical, so this is basically for me and them haha XD

Character Included: Michael Myers, Chucky / Charles Lee Ray (And Tiffany Valentine), Bubba Sawyer, Norman Bates, Mayor Buckman (And Harper Alexandre) and Jason Voorhees.

Warnings: Murder of the readers (By respective Horror Villains and a non-explicit difficult birth in Bubba’s), birth / pregnancy, toxic / abusive relationships, sexual harrassment / maybe rape (All You Wanna Do- Buckmans), language, suggested mother / son grossness (Norman and Norma of course).

I laugh in the face of those who would subdue my mad ideas.

‘No Way’ (Reader as Catherine of Aragon): Michael Myers as Henry

My name's Catherine of Aragon Was married 24 years I'm a paragon of royalty, my loyalty is to the Vatican So if you try to dump me You won't try that again

You were in a, of course, very unequal relationship with the shape of Haddonfield. He saw you one day, was completely taken by you, and decided to let you live. He would come by and use you however he liked, kill the people you loved when they got your attention over him, etc. Like any other Michael Myers x Reader.

And, years and years later (Because it’s not like Michael finds someone every day that he gives even a bit of a shit about like he does - did, - you) he comes upon a new person. Someone he, like he was you, is drawn to.

And he tries to drop you like a hot potato.

And this infuriates you. You are not about to let go! He has ruined your life! You have no friends, no family, no life, because of him! All you have, is (regrettably) him and you are going to be his for the rest of your life. That’s what he wanted, that’s what the bastard’s going to get.

(Many, many years with him has caused your courage against him to grow spectacularly. You can say nearly anything to him)

|- ‘You must agree that, baby, in all the time I been by your side

I've never lost control’

‘I've put up with your sh- like every single day’ -|

You give him one more chance- if he can tell you one thing that you have done to him to legitimately hurt him… then you’ll leave willingly.

…

But he has nothing. And he doesn’t care.

|- ‘You got me down on my knees

Please tell me what you think I've done wrong

Been humble, been loyal, I've tried to swallow my pride all along

If you can just explain a single thing

I've done to cause you pain, I'll go

No?’ -|

|- ‘You wanna replace me? Baby, there's

N-n-n-n-n-n-no way

You made me a wife, so I'll be queen 'til the end of my life’ -|

He ends up strangling you to death when you won’t shut up.

‘Don’t Lose Your Head’ (Reader as Anne Boleyn): Chucky / Charles Lee Ray as Henry (And Tiffany as Catherine of Aragon)

I'm that Boleyn girl and I'm up next See I broke England from the church Yeah, I'm that sexy Why did I lose my head? Well, my sleeves may be green but my lipstick's red

Chucky and his filthy ass catches sight of you. Young, French and vivacious and he’s got heart eyes on the spot. He wants you, but he also doesn’t really want to lose Tiffany.

So... yeah, you end up living with them both for a while and its very awkward and a very hostile situation.

|- ‘Here we go

(You sent him kisses)

I didn't know I would move in with his misses

(What?)

Get a life

(You're living with his wife?)

Like, what was I meant to do?’ -|

You don’t like it. No one likes this. Chucky! Make up your mind!

|- ‘Three in the bed and the little one said

If you wanna be wed, make up your mind

Her or me, chum

Don't wanna be some

Girl in a threesome

Are you blind?’ -|

Tiffany is of course Catherine, and the fandom (The people of Britain for the sake of this AU) loves her (As we all know), so when you come along and insult her because Chucky is now your man (Supposedly.) and of course you two aren’t getting along with each other in the first place because of him … you get a bad name.

|- ‘Ooh, why hasn't it hit her?

He doesn't want to bang you

Somebody hang you

(Wow Anne, way to make the country hate you)

Mate, what was I meant to do?’ -|

When eventually Chucky is able to grow the balls to boot Tiffany out (My heart hurts writing this, trust me), he pulls a ‘Once a cheater, always a cheater’ kind of shit and has no loyalty to you or respect for the sanctity of your relationship, and starts having one night stands here, there and everywhere. He tries vaguely to tell you you’re being silly and that’s not true- but he has lipstick on his shirt collars and perfume smell all over him.

Its not a nice living condition.

So you, still very much being the vivacious bitch that he ‘fell in love with’, go and flirt with some other guys. Just to make him a teensy bit jealous! I mean, its not like he’ll really care, right? You just wanna spark the fire again!

|- ‘Henry's out every night on the town

Just sleeping around, like what the hell?

If that's how it's gonna be

Maybe I'll flirt with a guy or three

Just to make him jell’ -|

But he finds out as planned… and is p i s s e d. He threatens that if you do that again, he’ll fucking kill you.

You, not going to let him talk to you like that, flirt with one more man. Just to be disobedient.

|- ‘Henry finds out and he goes mental

He screams and shouts

Like so judgemental

You damn that witch

Mate, just shut up

I wouldn't be such a b-

If you could get it up’ -|

And you find out that he very much meant it when he said he would kill you.

|- ‘And now he's going 'round like off with her head (No)

(No)

Yeah, I'm pretty sure he means it’ -|

‘Heart of Stone’ (Reader as Jane Seymour): Bubba Sawyer as Henry

Jane Seymour the only one he truly loved (Rude) When my son was newly born, I died But I'm not what I seem or am I? Stick around and you'll suddenly see more

You were an intended victim of the Sawyers, but like with Stretch, Bubba crushes on you instead. The difference here, is that you see the gentleness to him compared to his brothers, and how scared he is when one of them yells at him, and all the other little signs that he’s not as vicious or evil as his first impressions might convey. You have a big, brave heart, and you realise right there that its death and cannibalisation or understanding and caring for this man and you choose to love.

|- ‘You came my way, and I knew a storm could come too.’-|

|- ‘You've got a good heart

But I know it changes

A restless tide, untameable’ -|

So you take his hands in yours, all shaky and meaty as they are, and promise him that you will never leave him. You’ll protect him. You’ll take any mess he and his family can throw at you- you’ll always be with him. Your promise.

|- ‘But I took your hand, promised I'd withstand

Any blaze you blew my way

'Cause something inside, it solidified

And I knew I'd always stay’ -|

And he believes you, of course. Its so nice to be looked at so softly, especially by someone as pretty as you.

I- ‘You can build me up, you can tear me down

You can try but I'm unbreakable

You can do your best, but I'll stand the test

You'll find that I'm unshakeable

When the fire's burnt

When the wind has blown

When the water's dried, you'll still find stone

My heart of stone’ -|

And you prove yourself. You prove over and over again that no matter what he, or the twins, or Drayton, or even Grandpa throws at you- you’ll survive and you’ll stay, and you’ll never stop looking at him in that lovely soft way.

|- ‘You say we're perfect

A perfect family’ -|

You get pregnant of course because everyone in the Sawyers / Hewitts family has a breeding kink and you can’t tell me otherwise, and the birth is of course very difficult because Drayton isn’t about to pay for hospital bills. So you’re in their home, in all the mess and the dirt and with no sort of aesthetic, and…

|- ‘Soon I'll have to go

I'll never see him grow’ -|

You don’t make it. Your babies born fine and healthy, and you bring another strong Sawyer boy to the family, but you’re gone.

‘Get Down’ (Reader as Anne of Cleves): Norman Bates as Henry

Ich bin Anne of Cleves Ja! When he saw my portrait, he was like Ja! But I didn't look as good as good as I did in my pic Funny how we all discuss that but never Henry's little-

So, one day, Norman decides its time to properly settle down (Long after his mother… ah… ‘dies’) and get a partner, and because there isn’t really anyone around where he lives to date or, even, who wouldn’t get creeped out by him and his taxidermy, he turns to online dating.

He meets you there. You own and run your own hotel in the next state over, you don’t mind his taxidermy at all, and your profile picture looks… hauntingly familiar (If you look nothing like Vera Farmiga go by the original movie- she was but a skeleton there so she really could be anyone).

|- ‘Sittin' here all alone

On a throne

In a palace that I happen to own

I'm not fake 'cause I've got acres and acres

Paid for with my own riches’ -|

And you two get along great over messages! You online date for a good year before Norman proposes you elope and come to live with him! You think you’ve known him long enough, and you trust him!

So you fly right over, and he meets you at the airport, and…

He’s disappointed.

Like, ‘sorry, nah, you don’t look enough like mama so this isn’t gonna work’. In a more fidgety, quiet, subdued kind of way though. He’s so awkward with communication that he even suggests that you doctored your profile picture.

I- ‘You, you said that I tricked ya

'Cause I, I didn't look like my profile picture’ -|

And, understandably, you’re p i s s e d, and disgusted! But ya’ll already got married over the internet, so theirs no stopping that! This is your husband. You realise you’ve made a huge mistake and go right back to your home and your hotel to get divorce papers drawn up.

You’re the queen of your own fucking castle, who needs him?

|- ‘I'm the queen of the castle

Get down, you dirty rascal

'Cause I'm the queen of the castle’ -|

You are understandably, very very mad. And you say some things to Norman about he and his mother, that… may be true… but that he certainly doesn’t appreciate.

When you finally get the papers, and you’ve been separated long enough for it to be legal, you go back to the Bates Motel to get Norman to sign them and stay over a night. You’ve calmed down enough that you’re able to have a pleasant conversation with him, and you decide that you’re too tired to take the plane back home right away so you take up Normans offer to stay in one of vacant rooms (*Cough* So you basically have the run of the place. Or they do. *Cough).

Norman is also pretty calm about the whole thing as well, like you! But… Norma, is still seething.

You don’t wake up the next morning.

‘All You Wanna Do’ (Reader as Kathrine Howard): Mayor Buckman as Henry (And Harper as Thomas)

Prick up your ears, I'm the Catherine who lost her head (Beheaded) For my promiscuity outside of wed Lock up your husbands Lock up your sons K. Howard is here and the fun's begun

Right, so, you haven’t had good luck in love throughout your life, so you decide to give up on boys entirely.

|- ‘So I decided to have a break from boys

And you'll never guess who I met’ -|

… And meet a man, not much later. A man in power; A mayor. A man who’s been married before and has a beard (So you know; He’s a man. XD No little boy.). This is of course Buckman. He calls you love, and you get a job in Pleasant Valley that keeps you comfortably busy. You feel like, finally, you’re where you belong. You feel fulfilled- no committed relationships are necessary.

|- ‘Globally revered

Although you wouldn't know it from the look of that beard

Made me a lady in waiting

Hurled me and my family up in the world

Gave me duties in court and he swears it's true

That without me, he doesn't know what he'd do

He cares so much, he calls me love’ -|

But then Buckman tells you that he cares about you. You have a connection. He doesn’t feel just ‘friendly’ feelings towards you- he wants more. And, though you are a little disappointed that your solitude didn’t last, you decide that he’s decent enough (’He is rather kind to me, and he does makes me smile a fair bit’, you try to reason with yourself that this is a good idea) and so you start to go out. Its not long before you’re married.

|- ‘So we got married Woo…’

Woo…’ -|

But being married to him isn’t easy. Not at all. You’re not use to politics; There are so many rules now, and he’s always too busy to help. And the rest for Pleasant Valley are a bit… odd. And you just don’t fit in. And this is wear Harper (Thomas) comes in.

|- ‘With Henry, it isn't easy

His temper's short, and his mates are sleazy

Except for this one courtier

He's a really nice guy, just so sincere

The royal life isn't what I planned

But Thomas is there to lend a helping hand

So sweet, makes sure that I'm okay

And we hang out loads when the King's away’ -|

And he’s so lovely and caring towards you (Never more then when Buckman leaves for business in other towns), helping you through the transition from your old life to this one. He’s a good friend, to you. And that is most definitely all he is, on your side of it. A friend. You don’t feel attractions towards him at all apart from that, and he doesn’t try to make any moves. Its wonderful!

|- ‘This guy, finally

Is what I want, the friend I need

Just mates, no chemistry

I get him and he gets me’ -|

… Until one day when Buckman has been away for a month, he tells you he cares about you. You have a connection. He doesn’t feel just ‘friendly’ feelings towards you- he wants more.

|- ‘He says we have a connection

I thought this time was different

Why did I think he'd be different?

But it's never, ever different’ -|

Lets just say one things leads to another, despite you at first turning him away and saying no. He’s so insistent, and a little scary, and you’re lonely because your husbands’ has been away so long, and… something happens that you regret and feel gross about.

|- ‘Squeeze me, don't care if you don't please me

Bite my lip and pull my hair

As you tell me, I'm the fairest of the fair

Playtime's over.’ -|

You tell Buckman when he gets home, and you watch as every bit of warmth and love in his eye disappears, just like that.

Its not long after that that his jealousy and betrayed rage takes over… and… you die with a rope around your neck and your feet swaying above the ground.

|- ‘Playtime’s over’ -|

(Alternatively, Sheriff Hoyt as Henry and Thomas as Thomas)

‘I Don’t Need Your Love’ (Reader as Catherine Parr): Jason Voorhees as Henry (Your last love was Jason when he was alive)

Five down, I'm the final wife I saw him to the end of his life I'm the survivor Catherine Parr I bet you wanna know how I got this far I said I bet you wanna know how we got this far Do you wanna know how we got this far then?

So, you’re like the leader of the ‘Slashers Ex Squad’ because you, unlike the others, survived your time with Jason. This is because Jason did, truly, love you (To an extent- not enough to let you go and live your life without him or be free). None of the others really did. Not like he did.

|- ‘Became the one who survived’ -|

Your story:

You and Jason had an adorable little 11-year-old puppy love relationship when he was alive. You were his only friend, and he had it bad for you because of it. Pamela loved you, too.

When he died you were of course devastated, and years later when you were 30 (Making him also thirty- not that you know that. You still think he’s dead at this point) you’re taken by the need to go back to Camp Crystal Lake and pay your respects to your childhood love / friend. Its just one of those nostalgic days.

When you go, and you set flowers down by the lake, Jason catches sight of you. He thinks about killing you… but then your features start to make sense to him. He recognises you, and for the first time since his mother was killed, he feels his heartbeat speed up and swell with hope.

Jason of course kidnaps you then, and keeps you hostage for himself. He missed you. He doesn’t want to survive anymore time without you. You’re all he has left!

… After you realise that this is Jason Voorhees, you quickly learn that this Jason is, of course, not the boy that you cared, and care, so deeply about. He’s done horrible things, and he is never going to stop; And frankly, deep inside… he scares you.

But its not like you can leave him! He would never let you, he’s made that clear. You are all he has, and now, he is all that you have.

|- ‘I don't have a choice

If Henry says "it's you", then it's you

No matter how I feel

It's what I have to do’ -|

So you write a letter to the old Jason (And your old life), saying goodbye, in admittance to the fact that you’ll never be able to get away from this new Jason. This is you letting go of your freedom and any preconceptions that anything will every be the same- with Jason, or otherwise.

|- ‘It's true I'll never be over you 'Cause I have built a future in my mind with you And now the hope is gone There's nothing left for me to do’

'Cause I have built a future in my mind with you

And now the hope is gone

There's nothing left for me to do’ -|

You never stop hating him for how he’s changed (How he’s taken your Jason away, and wont even attempt to go back) and how he’s stolen away your freedom.

|- ‘I'd say "Henry, yeah it's true

I'll never belong to you

'Cause I am not your toy, to enjoy till there's something new

As if I'm gonna give up my boy, my work, my dreams

To care for you"

"Ha, darling, get a clue”

But I can't say that

Not to the king’ -|

You eventually die of natural causes at, like, 60.

124 notes · View notes

anchorandrope · 3 years

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larry songs in midnight memories and in four

masterpost

!!! | i’m not going to include the complete lyrics of all the songs so for a better understanding, look for them. all the songs were written by various people, but i’m just going to mention which ones harry participated in and which ones louis participated in.

STRONG

written by: louis

“my hands, your hands tied up like two ships drifting, weightless waves try to break it i’d do anything to save it why is it so hard to save it?”

“my heart, your heart sit tight like bookends pages between us written with no end so many words we're not saying don't wanna wait 'til it's gone you make me strong”

in this first part he talks about an immense and strong love where there are things (rather people) that try to break it, as we can see they refer to this as “the waves that try to break the ship” or “the pages between them”. we can’t only relate this to larry but also to homosexuality in general, homosexual couples have to fight for their love and many times the “things that separate them” are not contracts but the laws of their countries, the religion of their families, etc.

also notice that in the first verse they use the nautical theme (something very significant for larry because of theirs tattoos) and form this moment, the theme will be present in several of their songs.

“i’m sorry if i say, “i need you” but i don't care, i’m not scared of love ‘cause when i’m not with you, i’m weaker is that so wrong? is it so wrong that you make me strong?”

the chorus of this song is the part that makes it more than clear that it’s not a heterosexual song, to begin with it says “i’m not afraid of love” a very important phrase for the lgbt community since it shouldn’t be necessary to clarify that heterosexual couples can’t have “fear to love” as homosexual couples do, heterosexual couples are legal and accepted everywhere while homosexual couples are not. second says “is it so wrong? that you make me strong?” that is a criticism of homophobia, since he is asking why it’s so wrong that HE makes him strong, indirectly he is saying “what is the problem that it’s a man that makes me feel strong and brave?”

the lyrics “i’m not scared of love” and “you make me strong” have a similar meaning to “it’s a solo song and it’s only for the brave”

HAPPILY

written by: harry

“you don't understand, you don't understand what you do to me when you hold his hand we were meant to be, but a twist of fate made it so we had to walk away”

first, harry and louis clearly weren’t allowed to use male pronouns in their songs so don’t say “ooh but they use female pronouns, this is for a girl!!” because having them doesn’t mean that it is so, they have it because they were obliged to use them.

now, being a song written by harry, it’s obvious that it’s referring to how bad it makes him to see louis have to go out with eleanor “you don’t understand what you do to me when you hold his hand” he wish to be in her place and it hurts him to see someone else “occupy” it. it also says “but a twist of fate that made it so we had to walk away” this doesn’t mean that they broke up or they fought, it’s referring to the fact that they were destined to live free and happy together but “destiny” didn’t allow them, they forced them to hide and to not interact in public. (remember that this song was written in 2012/2013 which were the first years where they were prohibited from interacting).

“i don't care what people say when we're together you know i wanna be the one who holds you when you sleep, i just want it to be you and i forever i know you wanna leave, so c'mon, baby, be with me so happily”

as with strong, the first verse already gives us hints of what the song is talking about and the chorus ends it confirming.

in this part, the most important phrase is “i don’t care what people say when we’re together” is a clear reference to a homosexual relationship, it’s literally saying that he doesn’t care what homophobics tell them, he is going to love him and wants to be happy with him forever.

THROUGH THE DARK

written by: louis

“you tell me that you're sad and lost your way, you tell me that your tears are here to stay but i know you're only hiding and i just wanna see ya”

“you tell me that you're hurt, and you're in pain and i can see your head is held in shame i just wanna see you smile again see you smile again”

louis is telling how devastated harry is by the closeting situation, we know that harry was greatly affected by the situation between 2012-2014 because almost all the songs he wrote during that period show that fear of losing louis, of not achieving it, of have to hide forever, etc. basically he was going through a crisis and louis noticed this, he told him to stop worrying, that they were going to make it and that he just wanted to see him smile.

“but don't burn out even if you scream and shout it’ll come back to you and i’ll be here for you”

“oh, i will carry you over fire and water for your love and i will hold you closer, hope your heart is strong enough when the night is coming down on you we will find a way through the dark”

this part is pretty metaphorical but basically louis tells harry they're going to get out of it. “we will find a way through the dark”, with “dark” refers to all those who impede them to be together, i mean, they will overcome all those obstacles to finally be happy and free together. another important phrase is “i will carry you over fire and water for your love”, he is literally saying, in order to be with you, i will bank anything. (that phrase and its meaning is very similar to “walk through fire for you just let me adore you”)

SOMETHING GREAT

written by: harry

“i want you here with me, like how i pictured it so, i don’t have to keep imagining come on, jump out at me, come on, bring everything is it too much to ask for something great?”

“the script was written and i could not change a thing i want to rip it all to shreds and start again one day, i’ll come into your world and get it right i’ll say we're better off together here tonight”

talks about the frustration of not being able to be free. “the script was written and i could not change a thing” is a clear reference to contracts and how he can’t do anything about it, then he talks about “star again one day” which represents the day they can come out of the closet. the song basically talks about how they long for that "something great" (being free) and how they love each other.

ALIVE

written by: louis

“my mother told me i should go and get some therapy i asked the doctor, “can you find out what is wrong with me? i don't know why i wanna be with every girl i meet i can't control it, yeah, i know it's taking over me”

“i’m going crazy can’t contain it so tell me just what i should do?”

“she said, “hey, it's alright does it make you feel alive? don’t look back, live your life even if it's only for tonight” she said, “hey, it’s alright if it makes you feel alive””

the most characteristic thing about alive is that if you change all the feminine pronouns for masculine ones and the “girl” for “boy” it goes from being a song of a boy addicted to sex to a gay anthem.

the first part talks about how for being homosexual they send him to therapy, they tell him that something is not right with him, that he has a problem, that it’s not normal, etc and when he asks “what is wrong with me?” and they respond “it’s okay if it makes you feel alive”. he talks about that no matter who that person is, if that person makes you feel alive, gives meaning to your life and makes you happy, then there is nothing wrong with you.

“went to a party, just after the doctor talked to me i met a girl, i took her right up to the balcony i whisper something in her ear that i just can’t repeat she said, “okay”, but she was worried what her friends will think”

“we got to live before we get older do what we like, we got nothing to lose shake off the weight of the world from your shoulders ooh, we got nothing to prove”

the part of the party talks about the public eye, how it can affect what your friends/family say to you, it talks about the fear that you have for not knowing how people will react to your sexuality. the second part talks about how life is short and the most important thing is to be happy, no one has to prove anything to anyone, you don’t have to prove what’s your sexuality, or anything. you are free and the only thing that matters is that you do what makes you feel good.

FIREPROOF

written by: louis

“i think i’m gonna lose my mind something deep inside me, i can’t give up i think i’m gonna lose my mind i roll, and i roll ‘til i’m out of luck yeah, i roll, and i roll ‘til i’m out of luck”

“i’m feeling something deep inside hotter than a jet stream burning up i got a feeling deep inside it’s taking, it’s taking all i’ve got yeah, it’s taking, it’s taking all i’ve got”

“‘cause nobody knows you, baby, the way i do and nobody loves you, baby, the way i do it’s been so long, it's been so long, maybe we're fireproof ‘cause nobody saves me, baby, the way you do”

the lyrics are super direct, they talk about how “something” (closeting) takes everything they have but there comes a point where it no longer affects them because they are “fireproof” that is, proof of everything. it’s a song that basically talks about the fact that no matter what they do to them, they resist everything. by this time, both (especially harry) had already passed the initial downfall of having to hide, that’s why the songs of this period are more about overcoming things and saying that love is invincible unlike midnight memories.

another interpretation i have is that it talks about accepting your sexuality, the first paragraph talks about how your sexuality was always present even if you don’t accept it, the second talks about the need to open up and tell someone about it and the third of how that person with whom you opened up tells you that nothing can separate them.

the song doesn’t have pronouns.

STEAL MY GIRL

written by: louis

“she’s been my queen since we were 16 we want the same things, we dream the same dreams alright, alright”

“i got it all ‘cause she is the one her mum calls me love, her dad calls me son alright, alright i know, i know, i know for sure”

“everybody wanna steal my girl everybody wanna take her heart away couple billion in the whole wide world find another one 'cause she belongs to me”

“she knows, she knows that i never let her down before she knows, she knows that i’m never gonna let another take her love from me, now”

this song screams larry in every lyric, first he mentions "she’s been my queen since we were 16" and it’s not necessary to clarify who was 16 when he met louis, then he mentions “her mum calls me love and her dad calls me son” which is very obviously because he has an excellent relationship with harry's mother and he had quite a good relationship with harry's stepfather as well. the rest of the song seems very toxic but it’s not, what it refers to is that everyone wanted harry, not only a “couple billion” fans but other models, artists, etc for the image they gave him. the song is basically louis saying “harry is mine and not from any model or fan”

bonus: in “and every jaw drops when she's in those jeans” it refers when harry wore a lot the tight black jeans and most of us loved them.

btw: the pronouns she/her in the song are correct ;)

some people also think its about the fans and the song also fits very well with that story, they always saw us as something super precious that they love and want to protect, they don't want anyone to take us away from them.

in my opinion, these are quite direct songs and without many twists, i mean, by reading the lyrics you already understand the message, but well it’s never wrong to clarify some things

remember: be proud of yourself, if they make you strong, they make you feel alive, they make you wanna live happily, and they make you feel that you are fireproof then they are for each other🖤

—————————————————

canciones larry en midnight memories y en four

masterpost

!!! | no voy a incluir las letras completas de todas las canciones asi que para una mejor compresión busquenlas ustedes. todas las canciones fueron escritas por varias personas pero yo solo voy a mencionar en cuales participó harry y en cuales louis.

STRONG

escrita por: louis

original

“my hands, your hands tied up like two ships drifting, weightless waves try to break it i’d do anything to save it why is it so hard to save it?”

“my heart, your heart sit tight like bookends pages between us written with no end so many words we're not saying don't wanna wait 'til it's gone you make me strong”

traducción

“mis manos, tus manos atadas como dos barcos a la deriva sin peso las olas tratan de rompernos haría lo que sea para salvarnos ¿por qué es tan difícil salvarlo?”

“mi corazón, tu corazón apretados como un sujeta libros páginas entre nosotros escritas sin un final tantas palabras que no estamos diciendo no quiero esperar hasta que se vaya tú me haces fuerte”

en esta primera parte habla de un amor inmenso y fuerte donde hay cosas (mas bien personas) que intentan romperlo, como podemos ver se refieren a esto como “las olas que chocan el barco” o “las páginas entre ellos”. esto no solo podemos relacionarlo con larry sino con la homosexualidad en general, las parejas homosexuales tienen que luchar por su amor y muchas veces las “cosas que los separan” no son contratos sino las leyes de sus paises, la religión de sus familias, etc.

también cabe resaltar que el el primer verso usan el tema náutico (algo muy significativo para larry por sus tatuajes) y que a partir de este momento el tema va a aparecer en varias canciones.

original

“i’m sorry if i say, “i need you” but i don't care, i’m not scared of love ‘cause when i’m not with you, i’m weaker is that so wrong? is it so wrong that you make me strong?”

traducción

“lo siento si digo, “te necesito” pero no me importa, no le temo al amor porque cuando no estoy contigo, soy más débil ¿es tan malo? ¿es eso tan malo? que tú me haces fuerte”

el estribillo de esta canción es la parte que nos deja mas que en claro que no es una canción heterosexual, para empezar dice “no le temo al amor” un frase muy importante para la comunidad lgbt ya que no es necesario aclarar que las perejas heterosexuales no pueden “temerle al amor” como las parejas homosexuales lo hacen, las parejas heterosexuales son legales y aceptadas en todas partes mientras que las homosexuales no. segundo dice “¿eso es tan malo? que tú me haces fuerte” eso es una critica a la homofobia, ya que esta preguntando porque esta tan mal que EL lo haga fuerte, indirectamente esta diciendo “¿cual es el problema que sea un hombre el que me haga sentir fuerte y valiente?”

las frases “i’m not scared of love” y “you make me strong” tienen un parecido en significado a “it’s a solo song and it’s only for the brave”

HAPPILY

escrita por: harry

original

“you don't understand, you don't understand what you do to me when you hold his hand we were meant to be, but a twist of fate made it so we had to walk away”

traducción

“tú no entiendes, tú no entiendes lo que tú me haces cuando tomas su mano estábamos destinados a ser, pero fue un giro del destino hizo que tuviéramos que alejarnos”

primero harry y louis claramente no tenían permitido usar pronombres masculinos en sus canciones asi que no digan “uy pero uso pronombre femeninos, esto va para una chica!!” porque que los tenga no significa que sea asi, lo tienen porque estaba obligados a hacerlo.

ahora, siendo una canción escrita por harry, es obvio que se esta refiriendo a lo mal que le hace ver a louis tener que salir con eleanor “tú no entiendes lo que tú me haces cuando tomas su mano” el muere por estar en au lugar y le lastima ver que otra persona “lo ocupa”. además dice “pero fue un giro del destino hizo que tuviéramos que alejarnos” esto no se refiere a que terminaron o se pelearon, esta haciendo referencia a que ellos estaban destinado a vivir libres y felices juntos pero “el destino” no se los permitió, los obligo a ocultarse y alejarse en público. (recordemos que esta canción fue escrita en 2012/2013 que fueron los primeros años donde tenían prohibido interactuar).

original

traducción

“no me importa lo que diga la gente cuando estamos juntos tú sabes que yo quiero ser el único que te abrace cuando duermas, sólo quiero que seamos tú y yo para siempre sé que quieres irte, así que vamos, cariño, sé conmigo tan feliz”

al igual que con strong, el primer verso ya nos da indicios que va por un camino pero el estribillo nos lo termina de confirmar.

en esta parte, la frase mas imporante es “no me importa lo que diga la gente cuando estamos juntos” es una clara referencia a una relación homosexual, literal esta diciendo que no le importa lo que los homofobicos les digan, el lo va a amar y quiere ser feliz con el por siempre.

THROUGH THE DARK

escrita por: louis

original

“you tell me that you're sad and lost your way, you tell me that your tears are here to stay but i know you're only hiding and i just wanna see ya”

“you tell me that you're hurt, and you're in pain and i can see your head is held in shame i just wanna see you smile again see you smile again”

traducción

“me dices que estás triste y has perdido tu camino, me dices que tus lágrimas están aquí para quedarse pero yo sé que que solamente te estás escondiendo y yo sólo quiero verte”

“me dices que estás heridx y dolidx. y puedo ver que tu cabeza está rendida en vergüenza. yo sólo quiero verte sonreír otra vez, verte sonreír otra vez”

louis esta contando lo destrozado que esta harry por la situación de closeting, sabemos que a harry le afectó muchísimo la situación entre 2012-2014 porque casi todas las canciones que escribió durante ese período muestran ese miedo a perder a louis, a no lograrlo, a que se tengan que ocultar para siempre, etc. básicamente estaba pasando por un crisis y louis notó esto, el le decía que dejara de angustiarse, que lo iban a lograr y que solo quería verlo sonreír.

original

“but don't burn out even if you scream and shout it’ll come back to you and i’ll be here for you”

“oh, i will carry you over fire and water for your love and i will hold you closer, hope your heart is strong enough when the night is coming down on you we will find a way through the dark”

traducción

“pero no te quemes incluso si gritas y gritas eso volverá a tí y estaré aquí para ti”

“oh, te llevaré sobre fuego y agua por tu amor y te abrazaré fuerte, espero que tu corazón sea lo suficientemente fuerte cuando la noche esté cayendo sobre ti encontraremos un camino a través de la oscuridad”

esta parte es bastante metafórica pero básicamente louis le dice a harry que van a salir de eso. “encontraremos un camino a traves de la oscuridad”, con “oscuridad” se refiere a todos los que les impuden estar juntos, es decir, van a superar todos esos obstáculos para por fin ser felices y libres juntos. otra frase importante es “te llevaré sobre fuego y agua por tu amor”, literalmente le esta diciendo con tal de estar con vos me banco cualquier cosa. (esa frase y su significado es muy parecida a “walk through fire for you just let me adore you”)

esta canción no tiene prombres, al traducirla al español si o si las palabras tienen que poner género por eso puse “dolidx” y “heridx” porque en ingles es genero neutro.

SOMETHING GREAT

escrita por: harry

original

“i want you here with me, like how i pictured it so, i don’t have to keep imagining come on, jump out at me, come on, bring everything is it too much to ask for something great?”

traducción

“quiero que tú estés conmigo, justo como yo lo imaginé así que, no tengo que seguir imaginándolo vamos, da el salto conmigo, vamos, trae todo ¿es mucho el pedir algo grandioso?”

“el guión fue escrito y yo no puedo cambiar nada quiero arrancar todo en pedazos y empezar de nuevo un día, yo vendré a tu mundo y lo entenderé diré que estamos mejor juntos esta noche”

habla de la frustración de no poder ser libres. “el guion fue escrito y no puedo cambiar nada” es una clara referencia a los contratos y de como no puede hacer nada al respecto, despues habla de “empezar de nuevo un dia” que representa el día en que puedan salir del closet. la canción basicamente habla de como anelan ese “algo grandioso” (ser libres) y de como se aman.

ALIVE

escrita por: louis

original

“i’m going crazy can’t contain it so tell me just what i should do?”

“she said, “hey, it's alright does it make you feel alive? don’t look back, live your life even if it's only for tonight” she said, “hey, it’s alright if it makes you feel alive””

traducción

“mi mamá me dijo que debería ir y conseguir alguna terapia le pregunté al doctor, “¿puede encontrar lo que está mal conmigo?” no sé por qué quiero estar con cada chica que conozco no puedo controlarlo, sí, yo sé que se está apoderando de mí”

“me estoy volviendo loco no lo puede contener así que dime, ¿Qué debería hacer?”

“ella dijo: “oye, está bien ¿te hace sentir vivo? no mires atrás, vive tu vida aunque sea sólo por esta noche” ella dijo: “oye, está bien si te hace sentir vivo””

lo mas característico de alive es que si cambias todos los prnombres femenino por masculinos y los “girl” (chica) por “boy” (chico) pasa de ser una canción de una chico adicto al sexo a un himno gay.

la primer parte habla de como por ser homosexual lo mandan a terapia, le dicen que algo no esta bien con el, que tiene un problema, que no es normal, etc y cuando pregunta “que hay de mal en mi?” y le responden “esta bien si te hace sentir vivo” habla de que no importa quien sea esa persona, si esa persona te hace sentir vivo, da sentido en tu vida y te hace feliz, entonces no hay nada malo con vos.

original

“we got to live before we get older do what we like, we got nothing to lose shake off the weight of the world from your shoulders ooh, we got nothing to prove”

traducción

“fui a una fiesta, justo después de que el médico habló conmigo conocí a una chica, la llevé al balcón le susurré algo en su oído que no puedo repetir ella dijo, “okey”, pero ella estaba preocupada por lo que sus amigos pensarán”

“tenemos que vivir antes de envejecer hacer lo que nos gusta, no tenemos nada que perder sácate el peso del mundo de tus hombros ooh, no tenemos nada que probar”

la parte de la fiesta habla sobre el ojo público, como puede afectar lo que te digan tus amigxs/familia en vos, habla del miedo que se tiene por no saber como la gente va a reaccionar frente a tu sexualidad. la segunda parte habla de que la vida es corta y lo mas importante es ser feliz, nadie tiene que probarle nada a nadie, no tenes que probar cual es tu sexualidad, ni nada. sos libre y lo único que importa es que hagas lo que te hace bien.

FIREPROOF

escrita por: louis

original

“i’m feeling something deep inside hotter than a jet stream burning up i got a feeling deep inside it’s taking, it’s taking all i’ve got yeah, it’s taking, it’s taking all i’ve got”

traducción

“creo que voy a perder la razon algo profundo dentro de mí, yo no puedo rendirme creo que voy a perder la razon ruedo y ruedo hasta quedarme sin suerte sí, ruedo y ruedo hasta quedarme sin suerte”

“estoy sintiendo algo muy dentro más caliente que una corriente de un jet hirviendo tengo un sentimiento profundo dentro está tomando, está tomando todo lo que yo tengo sí, está tomando, está tomando todo lo que yo tengo”

“porque cariño nadie te conoce de la manera en la que yo lo hago y nadie te ama, cariño, de la manera en la que yo lo hago ha pasado tanto, ha pasado tanto, quizá somos a prueba de fuego porque nadie me salva, cariño, de la manera en la que tú lo haces”

la letra es super directa, habla de como “algo” (closeting) toma todo lo que tienen pero llega un punto en que ya no les afecta porque son “a prueba de fuego” es decir, a prueba de todo. es una canción que habla básicamente de que no importa que les hagan, ellos resisten a todo. para este entonces, a ambos (en especial a harry) ya se les había pasado el golpe inicial de tener que ocultarse, por eso las canciones de este periodo son mas de superar cosas y decir que el amor es invencible a diferencia de midnight memories.

otra interpretación que tengo es que habla de aceptar tu sexualidad, el primer parrafo habla de como tu sexualidad siempre estuvo presente aunque no la aceptes, el segundo habla la necesidad de abrirte y contarselo a alguien y el tercero de como esa persona con la que te abriste te dice que nada los puede separar.

la cancion no tiene pronombres.

STEAL MY GIRL

escrita por: louis

original

“she’s been my queen since we were 16 we want the same things, we dream the same dreams alright, alright”

“i got it all ‘cause she is the one her mum calls me love, her dad calls me son alright, alright i know, i know, i know for sure”

“everybody wanna steal my girl everybody wanna take her heart away couple billion in the whole wide world find another one 'cause she belongs to me”

“she knows, she knows that i never let her down before she knows, she knows that i’m never gonna let another take her love from me, now”

traducción

“ella ha sido mi reina desde que teníamos dieciséis queremos las mismas cosas, soñamos los mismos sueños así es, así es”

“lo tengo todo porque ella es la indicada su madre me llama “cariño”, su padre me llama “hijo” así es, así es, lo sé, lo sé, lo sé por supuesto”

“todos quieren robarme a mi chica todos quieren llevarse su corazón lejos un par de billones en todo el mundo encuentra otra porque ella me pertenece”

“ella sabe que, ella sabe que, que yo nunca antes la decepcioné ella sabe que, ella sabe que, que nunca dejaré que otro aleje su amor de mí, ahora”

esta canción grita larry por todas partes, primero menciona “ella es mi reina desde los 16” y no es necesario aclarar quien tenía 16 cuando conoció a louis, después menciona lo de “su madre me dice cariño y su padre hijo” que es muy obvio porque el tiene un excelente relacion con la mama de harry y tenía bastante buena con el padrastro de harry también. después, el resto de la canción parece re toxica pero no es asi, a lo que hace referencia es que todo el mundo deseaba a harry, no solo “un par de billones” de fans sino otras modelos, artistas, etc. por la imagen que le daban. la canción es básicamente louis diciendo “harry es mio y no de ninguna modelo ni fan”

bonus: en “and every jaw drops when she's in those jeans” (y cada mandíbula cae cuando usa esos jeans) hace referencia a cuando harry vivía en jeans negros ajustados y la mayoría los amaba.

btw: los pronombres she/her en la cancion estan bien ;)

algunas personas también piensan que trata de lxs fans y la canción también pega muy bien con esa historia, ellos siempre nos vieron a nosotrxs como algo super preciado que aman y quieren proteger, no quieren que nadie nos aleje de ellos.

en mi opinion, estas son canciones bastante directas y sin muchas vueltas, o sea, con leer la letras ya entendes el mensaje pero bueno nunca esta de mal aclarar algunas cosas

recuerden: esten orgullosos de ustedes mismos, si lxs hace fuertes, lxs hace sentir vivos, lxs hace sentir felices y lxs hace sentir que son aprueba de todo, entonces son el uno para el otro🖤

#songs #midnight memories #alive #something great #fireproof #steal my girl #through the dark #happily #strong #four album

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marvelship-oneshots · 3 years

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BIONIC (WINTERIRON)

AU where Tony doesn't die after the snap and finds out he's much more similar to Bucky than he has ever thought. *Pepper and Tony are not married and therefore there is no Morgan. Steve still goes back in time (even tho i could not disagree more with this decision)* [1.9k words]

"I am inevitable" A click sound echoed on the battlefield as Thanos snapped. Everyone stopped, ready to die, but nothing happened. Tony fell on his knees as the gamma radiations of the stones penetrated his body. It hurt, it hurt an awful lot, but he was better than Thanos. "And I...am...Iron Man" As Tony snapped, Thanos and his army turned into dust. They won and Tony didn't mind sacrificing his life for it. It started with FRIDAY turning herself off, then the suit cut the power. Peter ran to him, followed by Pepper and Rhodey and in that moment Tony saw his life running in front of him. He lived a good life after all. Tony closed his eyes as Peter was pulled away from him. The light from the Arc Reactor started fading away when Pepper and Rhodey took his hands. Bucky wanted to be there, he never really apologized for killing his parents. It was like the whole word was falling on him, but he knew that his pain was nothing compared to Pepper's or Rhodey's, or even Peter's. Rhodey placed his mask on Tony's face, unable to look at his lifeless face. "Mr. Rhodes, sir. I found an heartbeat" The AI spoke from War Machine's suit on the comms and everyone in the battlefield looked at Tony's corpse. There was an heartbeat, Tony was most likely not dead then. Dr. Strange opened a portal with his sling ring, following Rhodey, who was carrying Tony's body. They placed him on a stretcher while Stephen was looking for Christine. He left Tony with her in a surgery room and went to change in more surgery-appropriate clothes.

Tony's body was resting in a private room, connected to various machinery that were keeping him alive for now. The surgery went well, Strange and Christine were positive that Tony would recover. It was going to be a long process, but eventually he would. They did everything in their power to save him and luckily it was more than enough. Unfortunately there was nothing they could do for Tony's right arm, the armor had fused with his flash. His body needed to regenerate and adjust to the operation they performed. He was in a coma but he was most likely to wake up. Tony was resting on the candid bed, he looked peaceful and that was probably the best sleep he had since they started the whole time heist thing.

Strange had returned the stones to the Avengers and Steve was the one in charge of returning them in the place they belong. He had greeted Bucky and Sam before going back in time again and never coming back. Well, he did came back, as an old man married to someone, most likely Peggy. He had nothing to lose, he complained, everything that meant something to him was gone. Bucky didn't know what to think of his decision. He was still there, Sam too and Tony was alive. But apparently they were not enough for Steve, once again Bucky was not enough.

Bucky couldn't hide that he was relieved when he was told that Tony would make it, but still couldn't force himself to visit him. He was sure Tony wouldn't want him there after all he caused to him. But one day Bucky decided that if he were to live in that century, he might as well try to fix as much as he could his relations with what was left of the Avengers. Bucky was well aware that it was him the cause of the Civil War and the reason behind Tony and Steve's rivalry over the past years. And that was probably the reason why they could not defeat Thanos the first time. 'Butterfly effect' thought Bucky entering the elevator of the hospital 'A butterfly flaps its wings in Tokyo and in New York there is a hurricane. Steve wants to protect me and Tony ends up in a coma'

In the room with Tony there was Rhodey, reading a book while sitting on the armchair next to the bed. Bucky was standing in the corridor, behind the big window, looking at Tony and at his empty shoulder. He couldn't help but blaming himself for... everything. When Rhodey saw him, he smiled, walking towards the door. "You can come in, y'know" said the Colonel opening the door. Bucky shyly walked in the room, sitting in the plastic chair in the corner. Rhodey looked at the time. "I really have to run, Pepper is running late for a meeting at SI, you wouldn't mind staying with him 'til she arrives, would'ya?" asked and Bucky nodded. About an hour later Pepper arrived. Bucky was sleeping on the armchair when she put a hand on his shoulder. Pepper knew what he had been thinking, she was good at reading people. "It's not your fault."

The compound was destructed during the attack and it was in Tony's plans to build it again, but 'til then the Avengers, or what was left of them, was back at the Avengers Tower. Since the day he came back, Tony was locked in his workshop. Everything was new for him. Life seemed to be back to normal again, but in reality it wasn't. Steve was and old, wrinkly man, wedded to God-knows-who, Natasha was still dead, Banner was still in Hulk's body, Thor was somewhere with Quill and the other Guardians and Clint retired. Sometimes he felt like he was the only Avenger left, only to remember that he still had a missing arm, and without it where was a little he could do. Tony had spent a week in his lab trying to figure out what was next, trying to create a new arm with the help of FRIDAY and Dum-E, but he had always written and done everything with his right arm and trying to create an arm, or anything actually, without his right arm was incredibly difficult. Most of the time he spent in the lab, he was walking up and down the room with a glass of scotch in his hand at first, then the whole bottle and then with his beloved coffee.

Tony was sitting at the working table, looking at the holographic blueprints open in front of him. The only thing written on them was "Arm prototype n1". Bucky was standing in front of the glass door of the lab, with a hand on the handle, not really sure whether he should open it or not. "Sergeant Barnes is requesting access to the lab sir" FRIDAY spoke up. "Let him in Fri" Bucky walked to the working table, looking in awe to the holographic blueprints. He lived in Wakanda for a while but he was still amazed by every technological evolution. "James" Tony greeted him with a small smile, keeping a look on the blueprint. They sat there in silence for a while, until Bucky spoke up. "Tony...I'm..I'm sorry for..." Tony looked at him softly "It's ok, it wasn't you" Tony knew that just like that he was not going to make everything fine, he knew that Bucky would still blame himself. Tony was aware that Bucky was not the Winter Soldier, and he had always been interested in Bucky, somehow. "I...I would make it light if I were you" babbled Bucky. Tony looked at him with a questioning look. "The arm, I would make it light" Tony smiled. "Wanna help me out here?"

Tony and Bucky spent much more than the needed time in the lab, designing and building Tony's arm and when it was finally ready, Bucky would teach Tony every secret he had learned over the years and Tony would teach him how technology works. They liked spending time with one another, they both felt like no one else could understand them. They actually liked each other and for once in ages, Bucky felt like someone really cared about him. Bucky had told Tony things he never told anybody, not even Steve. He told him about HYDRA, about the war, about the 40s and how was being a gay man in the close-minded society of the time. If Tony thought that the 2000s weren't the best time for being gay, he had to rethink his position. Together they had designed Tony's arm, another arm for Bucky in case he got tired of the Wakandian one, designed the new compound, build new suits for the two of them and a new one for Peter and Rhodey as well. Bucky now knew how to use the holographic table in Tony's lab and was not scared of FRIDAY anymore, he even helped create a new AI just for himself and Tony was incredibly proud of Bucky. Tony really really liked Bucky, he thought he was handsome and extremely hot, but most of all, had always a great time with him. On the other hand, Bucky really liked Tony too, maybe he loved him even, but never had the balls to tell him. Way too many times they found themself close enough to breathe each other breaths, but with an excuse or the other, that had always pulled away.

Tony couldn't take that situation anymore. He wanted Bucky to himself and himself only. They had an appointment in the lab that day, like any other day. They were about to develop some updates to Peter's sidey suit. Bucky came in the lab without any fuss, he didn't need a code, a badge or any announcement from the AI, he just lightly kicked the door. And by lightly I mean that he almost broke the glass, but managed to stop it soon enough not to cause damage. Tony looked at the entrance, where Bucky was standing in his gray sweatpants and black tank top. "It's a glass door Backaroo, there's no need to change it for the third time, is there?" asked Tony looking back at the blueprints of the new web shooters for Peter. Bucky walked over to his usual position next to the shorter brunette. They were working kinda peacefully when Bucky heard a metallic clicky sound. Tony had a guilty smirk on his face. Bucky looked over his left shoulder: Tony had just sticked a fridge magnet on his metal arm. It was a little thing between the two of them. A few weeks before Tony had bought more magnets than a normal person would ever need in their whole life and they just started sticking them on each other's arms. As soon as Tony realized that Bucky noticed, he started slowly walking away, but Bucky was faster and trapped Tony with his arms between his body and the table. Tony felt Bucky's breath on his neck and turned to face him. Their noses were touching. That was the occasion Tony had been waiting for. He stand in his tip toes while pressing his lips on Bucky's. Bucky's eyes widened but surprisingly enough he kissed him back, pulling him closer. The two walked towards the couch Tony had placed there for Bucky and they sat down. Bucky pulled him closer, making him sit on his lap, kissing his little innocent smile. Bucky placed both of his hands on Tony's waist, under his t-shirt. Tony leaped back for the cold touch of Bucky's vibranium hand. Bucky pulled back, taking his hand away from Tony's waist. His smile faded away and Tony understood. "It's just cold" said caressing Bucky's cheek "You better put that hand back and start kissing me again, old man" Bucky did what Tony told him to do with a smile. "Yes sir"

#marvel #tony stark #starkbucks #winteriron #buckytony #tony x bucky #the avengers #au #endgame #mcu

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violet-author · 4 years

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Your Wallet And Your Heart, She Has Both ((18+))

This fic is the product of over a weeks worth of work, as compared to my usual stuff that only takes a few hours or so, I think it may be my longest fic yet. Inspired by the Author of the Spinel Fic titled “Yearning” ((Read it here! )) And to anyone questioning what Spinel actually IS in this fic, I don’t even know myself. Spookier that way. Warnings: Death, Yandere, Stalking, Discussion Of Domestic Abuse, Light Horror, Cake

“Nevah had a reason ‘til tonight, to chase a fella down, then I looked at you leaving the hotel, so I followed. Cause I just had to know… who was that othah chick you were with? They seemed pretty miffed when ya left yer room, you dropped ya key on the way too so… I had another reason to follow you… and the third… I guess I just like ya face. Cute like a doll It… spoke to me, if that makes any sense…”, she stops to take a sip of her drink, “I’m surprised you didn’t notice me, what with the pink hair an’ all, so uh… I’m Spinel.”

Another sip of her drink, and a gentle chuckle as she looked down into her glass, “Don’t worry about tellin me yer name. I already know it.”, she held ip your wallet, and slid it back to you, “again honey, don’t worry. All your money is safe and sound where you left it. I’m not a thief, well, maybe I am… but… I don’t like stealin from pretty people like you, and ah… I got reasons to follow ya… I won’t be too far if ya evah need me for anythin, and I mean that, anything.”, she finished her drink and stood up, she pushed you down into your chair when you tried to follow, she put down some cash to pay for the drinks too. “No pal, I follow you, you don’t get to follow me ok? And ah… check you wallet. Left a present.”, and so… she left the bar. You check your wallet, her phone number was written on a piece of paper neatly tucked inside… along with 300 extra dollars. You feel as if she’s special to you already. A new best friend… You head back to your hotel room and pack your things, you’re breaking up with the beast of a person you were with… true love’s on its way, and so are you. Getting into your car… Lightning strikes behind you, the outline of her in your back seat… you check… no one there, you turn on the radio… just static… you drive off anyways. You want to call her as soon as you get home. “I just couldn’t leave em alone now could I? But… One look at em while I sat on the balcony next to their window the first night they were here… and I just finished offin my now late boyfriend too, kinda glad I wear these gloves all the time too… who am I talkin to? Oh yeah, me. So anyways… I just had to meet em… not like they had a choice… I covered my tracks pretty well and kept the ‘do not disturb’ sign up on the door with a sock on the knob… staff musta thought we was bein reeeeal quiet with the lovemakin… Hmm… what did he even do for me to waste one o’ my favorite butterflies in the back o’ his heart… oh yeaaaah… caught him smoochin some other broad in the same bar I found my new lovie dovie… hehe place o’ fate I tell ya, who? Me!”, she laughed at her little half joke…“Anyways… so now they’re in their house and I’m just sittin here in the backseat of their car, planning my next move… who knows, maybe ah… maybe I’ll marry this one… or are they gonna be number 12… I hope not… that face of theirs… oof… nevah seen a prettier picture, would look even bettah with plenty of my lipstick marks all over their cheeks…. damn I wish I could gotten out with em buuuut…. people freak out when someone they just met is suddenly on their car… looks like I got a long night… bettah get some sleep too… gotta be well rested for our dare tomorrow… not that they have a choice, it’s their neck on the line aftah all… but they don’t know that yet… they will. I’ll make sure of it.” Later on in the day, Spinel knocks on your door “Ok so uh, well I got outta your car and I locked it like a good girl, cause I know I am one, I knocked on your door hopin for a chance to see ya again and it’s real cold out here, so let me in ok?”, said Spinel after you opened your front door. Shocking it were to see her, to know she was hiding in your car the whole time… you figure she’d break into your home if you denied her now, so you let her in. She walked past you with a tired looking smile, and you took in the sight of her, pink hair in a pair long pony tails, long sleeve black shirt, form fitting with a black tank top adorned with a pink skull having a heart shaped crack on the forehead, a dark pink skirt looking stylishly tattered, and stockings stripped with pink and black, with a pair of thrice belted heavy looking knee height heeled boots, by all accounts… she should be noticed anywhere. You noticed her footsteps don’t make a sound… and you ask why.“Uuuh, I dunno either I just… step lightly? Kind of a wiiiierd question to ask babe, why don'tcha let me handle the questions ok? Number one, who was that bitch you were with? Number two, do ya live alone?”, You sigh and respond, she is your ex-girlfriend, you broke up with her a few hours ago. And you reluctantly say yes, you do live alone. “Hmmm great! Guess you’re all mine then!” You ask what she means “What do ya think it means pal? Means I’m your girlfriend! Ain’t ya happy for that? I mean… look at me? The cute skirt, the thick legs, my adorable face, plenty of hair for ya to pull, you’d be stupid to reject me, and you look pretty smart to me hun, so say yes. Say I’m yours”, her expression hardened, “Say it. 'Spinel, you’re mine’, I want to hear it straight from those pretty lips.You hold yourself silent for a few seconds… and relent, you guess you need to be with someone… you can’t imagine being alone again… you say what she asked you to say, suddenly you feel a prick on your finger, it starts to bleed pretty badly, she holds your hand up and licks the blood away with a teasing giggle in her throat. "There, all better, now you’re stuck with me, I don’t leave you and you don’t leave me, got it hun?” You feel clawed hands crawling on your back… you don’t remember what happened next. You wake up next to Spinel. Trying to understand what just happened… you fail miserably. “M, m, mmm… last night was fun buuuut… I didn’t get to go as far as I wanted, they passed out before I could actually do anything, guess lettin em feel that clawin fear mighta been too much for em to handle. Still, maybe I oughta hold off on doin anythin freaky. They don’t seem like the lewd type anyways… heh, but the look on their face, if I wasnt already in love with em I woulda fallen for em right then and there, oh gosh their eyes were practically burning in terror! And the way their mouth hung open like they were aboutta scream, ooh that was bliss… hm, oh? Looks like they forgot somethin. They were sure scramblin outta bed when they woke up… hmmm., now that I think about it… oh. Oh no. No no no no… nobody rushes that fast at 5 in the mornin…”You were at work, a boring office job, but your coworkers kept to themselves, so you had no issues most of the time. But today, they put in a little pink palm tree in your cubicle, you nearly fell over on sight of it, thinking it was Spinel. You held your heart, feeling the thumping flesh within pounding a beat you could almost dance to, with a nervous chuckle you cover it with the seat cover on your chair and get straight to work. You pushed away every thought of her that you could, focusing solely on your work, typing code and responses, sending reports, the kind of mind numbing work your brain can just check out from. As you dozed off by little degrees your fingers quickened… until it was four hours later, and you realized you finished everything early, gleefully you hop from your chair, with plans to go down to your favorite café for a treat, do you head into the bathroom, change clothes, and head to your car. And you freeze. The night before the last the lightning struck and you saw her shadow in your car… and then she appeared at your house the next day. You remember that very well. So you make a point of checking every inch of your car as thoroughly as you can, the back seat, the front, the trunk, under the car as the wheels on yours put it a foot and a half off the ground… and curiously you check in both small compartments in the front of the car, you haven’t the slightest idea why, you just had to be sure she wasn’t hiding anywhere. With the check complete, you carefully got inside your car and drove off to taste some sweetness. You park, get out, check your car once more, then lock everything that could be locked on it before heading inside. The dimly lit room spoke of serenity as piano played to some slow classical tune from speakers overhead, the sound of rain played softly along with low thunder rolling away to add to the calming aura of this revered area, revered by you at least, here you felt the safest you could be outside your own home, but with her… you felt this was you last bastion of comfort. And you were already reconsidering staying with her. But those thoughts had no place here, you looked over the menu, burying your gaze in it completely and said to yourself you’d have a pumpkin cake and hot chocolate. Your heart beat swift on feeling a familiar voice rattle through your skull. “And how are ya gonna pay for that babe?”, Spinel said in an agitated tone while waving your wallet in one hand while she supported her head on the table with the other. She stared you down, her expression? Wrath. Directed all on you. You froze under her glare, speechless. “5 in the morning. Who rushes out of the house at five in the morning? Were you late for work? Or… did you just wanna get away from me? Didn’t even give me a kiss to say goodbye, didn’t check if I was awake, didn’t even offer breakfast. What kind of a lover are you huh? Hmph… doesn’t matter now. You’re gonna make it up to me, ok?”, she slammed the wallet on the table, “I’ll have what you’re having, and after this you’re takin me to see a movie, got it? Maybe more time in a dark room with me’ll teach ya to appreciate me more, little reminder honey, I came to you, and you said yes, so start acting like you want me.” The dim cafe grew silent with your focus narrowing on her, and all you heard was your heart beating steady as the booming tick of the clock sounded off every second to the unerring passage of time. And she stared. She stared and waited for an answer. the lightless void casted by failing shine seemed to grow ever deeper, surrounding you both and trapping you with her in an infinite darkness, such was her chokingly gripped presence around you, her small stature exuded energies unheard, and you swore you could see the inky tendrils of the depths emanating from her, a being incomprehensible to mortal ken. Her truest nature forever concealed as this negative glare only gave the hollow shell of what she really is, shaded by the limits of your mind. You stared into those eyes, a lover scorned she felt she were, and your silence only confirmed and fed the flowing madness slithering from her…Each ticking clang of the clock sounded closer to your demise, here and now. Speech had found you once more to snatch you from the jaws of Cerberus. You apologize. You tell her an excuse along with it, or rather, attempt to before she cuts you off. “Oh you’re sorry now? Well how sorry are ya honey? Sorry enough to get me all the deserts I want? Sorry enough to take me out dancing? Sorry enough to… propose to me?” That last question ended with a grin as wide as her mystery, and as the darkness surrounding you both. You’re left speechless, blushing through the shock and scrambling in your mind for an answer when she takes the reigns of the conversation once more. “Ok that last one maaaay have been a bit too far, I mean… we’ve only been datin a few days now, and to be honest, while I ain’t lettin another girl even touch you, I’m not too sure I wanna spend the rest of your life on me! And I do mean that. Mean what? darlin ain’t ya listening? The rest of your life, not my life. I get the feelin I’ll still be around when you’re gone… but uuuh… I’ll enjoy every moment you’re alive. Oop! Changed my mind, Your life’s mine, the rest of you too, and ain’t nothin you can do about that ok? Nope, not gonna wait for an answer. Way I see it… we’re already a married couple, I mean… you did sign me in blood and all. But let’s drop this discussion and pick it up never, the waitress is comin ovah to take our ordahs!"And in a single moment as if on the flick of a switch, even the dim light of the cafe blinded you with the darkness disappearing behind the curtain of reality, though what reality even is you scarcely have a grasp on with the realizations of otherworldly powers that exist in front of you in the form of Spinel. You check the backlit clock on the wall, time had stayed still as the darkness enveloped you, and you laid back in your chair while trying to make sense of what just happened, what felt like hours was no time at all, but interrupted you were again by the waitress, asking what you wanted to order. Spinel only had a smile on her face while you placed the order, she held up the menu you had and pointed to a large vanilla cake topped with fudge and strawberries, did what she said in the darkness even happen? Either way, you order that cake for her, in addition to getting for her and yourself a hot chocolate and a pumpkin cake. You’re looking at the waitress as she write down the orders, and as she walks off as well, and a pulse is felt, a ringing in your ears deep as ocean, and a foul taste in your mouth as you look back at her, a closed smile on her lips, but her eyes wider than ever. "Does she look good to ya honey? Does she tickle your fancy?” You immediately reply in a nervous tone that she doesn’t. that he girl in front of you is prettier than she’ll ever be. “Good answer babe, she’s a fuckin mess compared to me, right? O’ course I’m right!” The confections both drink and dessert were served to the both of you, a second person coming to drop of the cake, it was big enough for three, but she parried your spoon away from it, claiming the whole thing hers. So the spectacle began, Her sipping the cocoa in her tall cup alongside heavy bites of this behemoth straight from a baker’s dream. It took her a mere half hour to consume the whole of it, and like a good lover you lean over with a napkin and wipe the frosting from her lips, a shy smile as your expression, your simple actions sparking a tender moment through the confusion and creeping terror in the back of your mind, and that moment was watching her cheeks flush a gorgeously vibrant shade of pink, and in that instant, everything seemed to click. She was just as nervous around you as you were around her, without the upper hand the air of danger just faded away to the dullest rhythm in the background, until her hand snapped to grip your wrist. “Oh now I know I made the right choice… my last love ain’t never did something like this, would you believe I caught the bastard cheating on me with some tart, some junky trollop? You wouldn’t do that to me right? No… I know you wouldn’t, you’re sweet. You just want a hug, a kiss, and a kind little word whispered into your ear, yeah? You just want someone who wants you, someone that won’t make you feel like you’re just another problem to deal with. Someone like me, who won’t let you go. Who’ll never let you go. Someone like me that’ll keep loving you 'til…“, She inched in closer, "You’re…”, and her lips brushed by your ear… “Dead." Stunned by that she shoved you back down into your seat. "What’s wrong babe? Don’t like that? Oh… you do? Well aren’t you starved for affectio- oh… So that’s why you were with the girl with the bad attitude… You know I… I watched you when you checked into the hotel, a whole week of seeing her yell at you… sayin stuff like no one would love you like her, that you were lucky she even looked at you.” She sniffled, sounding on the cusp of a rising weeping sorrow, “But it’s ok now honey. It’ll be ok, cause you have me!”, she sighed, a sort of content flow to her breath, while she relaxed in her chair, “And I have you. Were you scared of me before? I’m not sorry for that. That’s just how I am, but I won’t hurt you. Not enough to kill ya anyways. Not enough to make you hate me. I don’t think my heart could take another crack. Darling… If you left me now. I think I’d just break. We kinda just met and already I don’t think I can live without you. You can feel it too right? Our souls tyin themselves to each other? Actually ah… they’re already pretty tied up. Signed me in blood remember?�� You certainly do remember, that night your finger bled and the claws creeped upon you, you remember that much and nothing more, how you felt then feels so far away now, her love is different, it’s a confusing amalgam of tenderness and terror, when once you only felt a terror from the last one you were with, but even the fear strikes you oddly, like a sickening wine who’s taste leaves you only wanting another drink of it, a long and slow swig of the emotions she has you pour from your very core, reveling in the swirling dizzy tones of this deep song she played for you with every motion she made toward, away, and around you, with every word spoken, she enthralls you. The same feeling you had when you wanted to call her, a soul bewitched by a strange woman… and whatever trance she had you in just now from her confession, lifted when you snapped back to lucidity at home. Herself snuggled up on your lap, a horror movie playing while she smiled, your hand in hers, clutching each other warmly… a moment that your realization of the sudden shift in scenery did not ruin… she was in love, and so were you, and while love itself seems blind, love itself would blind you, and you would let it cloud your vision as long as you loved her, and as long as she loved you. This one tender moment, It’ll remain one of your greatest treasures, and as the movie ended, she sat up and stood, offering her hand to you, eyes sleepy and showing a soft joy plain as day, she led you upstairs, she led you to bed, shoes kicked off the both of you, she eased you into bed atop her, and held you close, tight, and the covers seemed to jump over you both to guard from the chill mysteriously entering the room, you closed your eyes while the pair of you turned onto your sides, and a kiss marked the occasion, brief it were on the lips, but the love? Eternal. And so it were that you slept in her arms and her in yours. Ready to give her the rest of your life. Ready to give her your very soul. and in all honesty, she already owns it.

#Spinel #Selfshipping #self shipping #yandere #light horror #steven universe

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manrocket-mo · 5 years

Text

Leave the Light On - Morgan Rielly (Part 2)

requested: no

word count: 2,076

author’s note: if you haven’t read part 1, it is linked in my masterlist!

sorry this took sooo long! finally found some time to get motivated and write! please continue to send me feedback as I don’t usually write these multiple installment type fics. this is also being written in addition to mo soft/thrist imagines, so stay tuned for more of those and continue to send your requests in to inspire me!

song: Light On - Maggie Rogers

And I am finding out

There’s just no other way

That I’m still dancing at the end of the day

If you leave the light on

Then I’ll leave the light on

It has been two years since the breakdown that forced you to jump start your life. Two years from when you left everything familiar behind and started anew. Two years since you managed to pull yourself up from rock bottom and prove that the voice in the back of your head that said you would never amount to anything wrong.

But that didn’t mean you were happy. You were just content. And you were content leaving everything behind except for one thing, one person and it ate at you every day. You had forced him away and it was self-inflicted pain, it was your own fault. You couldn’t help but dream of how your life wouldn’t just be content. You dreamed of how perfect your life would be with him by your side. The loving, caring Morgan that had held onto you til the very end of your relationship. The loving, caring Morgan you had forced away when you couldn’t look yourself in the mirror. The loving, caring Morgan who had vowed to do whatever it took to make you whole again. And you pushed him away. You wouldn’t blame him if the chance ever came that he wouldn’t even want to look at you. You broke his heart. You destroyed everything you had together, a life built together, a love that was supposed to last forever. You destroyed the best thing that had ever been yours for the sureness of something mediocre. You sigh, looking to the photo you had stashed in your closet, sitting on the top shelf. You pull it down from its hiding spot and reminisce on the memories that poured out from the emotions you felt in that moment frozen in time. You traced the curve of his cheeks, raised with absolute joy as he took you in at the peak of the lookout, the backdrop of the lake and the mountains no where close to the beauty of the love that resonated from the two of you. You smiled sadly, the deep sorrow returning to you. You couldn’t help but wonder if he had replaced the photo with one of his new forever love. He deserved that much. Someone who could love him wholly with no gaping holes of doubt. He deserved true love from someone who could love themself first. He deserved someone better than you. He deserved the happiness that you felt in that photo. You would never feel that true happiness again. Nothing that you had exchanged for it would ever come close to being worth it. You sighed and hugged the photo to you for a second, mustering the courage and strength needed to go on with tonight, to go on in your search for some semblance of happiness. You looked at it one last time, catching Morgan’s smile before slipping it back into place. Fortunately for you, your date seemed to have a sense for the length of time it’s been since you’ve been to a Leafs game and surprised you with tickets earlier in the day. You had no choice but to graciously accept with how excited he seemed to be. This was a splurge for a third date and despite the lack of a spark, he was sweet and treated you well and you would agree for him. Taking a look at your wardrobe, you stared at the jersey sitting on a hanger in the very back, barely peeking out. It was old and outdated with the years that have passed since it was gifted to you but you yearned for some semblance of the peace of a better time, you wanted to feel closer to him again even if that just meant his number and name branding you just as it did thousands of others in the stands. You wanted people to see that at one point, you were his. You grab it before you could chicken out and pull your crossbody over your shoulder as you slip out the front door to meet your date.

“GO, LEAFS GO!” Nate chanted along with the crowd, honestly having the time of his life. You smiled at him tightly despite the feeling of dread churning in the pit of your stomach. Your mind was nowhere near him or this date. Your mind was on the man on the ice, the man you knew all too well but at the same time, not at all anymore. “You a big Leafs fan?” He asked as you sat down following the anthem. “Big Rielly fan?” The corner of your lips tug up as you stared off into the distance. “Once upon a time,” you reminisced. Once upon a time, you were his biggest fan, biggest supporter. You wore his name and number proudly and cheered him on from the family section only a few rows up from your own. You weren’t afraid to yell and scream when things went wrong and make googley eyes when he did something right. You weren’t afraid of anything. You were a girl so in love and nothing else mattered. You couldn’t even fathom how quickly things changed. “Y/N!” your head shot up at the familiar voice. For all the time you had spent worrying about being in the same vicinity as Morgan, you hadn’t thought of being seen by the friends you shared with him. “Steph,” you breathed. It had been two years since you had contact with your best friend. Other than an “I can’t do this anymore,” and a good cry, that was where you had both left it. You didn’t just push Morgan away. “Y/N!” She yelled before meeting you halfway and pulling you into her arms. “Steph, it’s been so long,” you mumbled, forcing the tears back. This place was bringing much more than memories back to you. “How are you, Y/N? Are you good? Better now?” She took a step back and held your face in her hands, surveying you. “I can’t believe it’s you!” “I’m so sorry,” you apologized as you pulled her close again. “It’s so nice to see you again.” “Same here, Y/N.” She rubbed your back before pulling back once more. “Come, sit with us! We have to catch up. We have two years...” You smiled at her sadly. “I can’t... I’m not alone.” Her face fell as she realized what you meant and glanced to Nate behind you. “At least come see down to see Mitchy and Aus and Kappy. They miss you, Y/N. We all do.” She pleaded with you with big green eyes. Suddenly you felt an arm circle your waist and you felt sick. The warmth was not comforting, his presence a friendly reminder of how differently everything panned out. He cleared his throat, looking down at you. “This is... my friend, Nate. Nate, this is Steph.” He eagerly put his hand out to Steph. “So nice to meet you.” Steph smiled tightly, her eyes wandering back to you. “I hear you said something about going to see some old friends?” You shake your head. “That’s alright, we really should—“ “No, if you want to see your friends, I’d be glad to come with.” Of course he would. You huff, the beginning of annoyance touching you. You didn’t really want your present mingling with your past, especially the forged family you shared with Morgan. “Yeah, Y/N. Please come.” Steph grasped your hand in hers and gave you the sweet look she knew no one could ever resist. You missed it. You missed your best friend. And despite the feeling deep down, you once again agreed, much to her excitement. And that’s how you found yourself down by the locker room following the game, physically dragged down by Steph herself. You physically had to hold yourself together, your arms winding around your body as you were passed around the other wives and girlfriends, all so happy and surprised to see you. This familiarity and lack of belonging was really doing a number on you and it was only a matter of time before you were going to break. These were all your friends, your family at one point but without him, you didn’t know where you fit in anymore, if at all. It didn’t help your situation that all Nate could do was talk and introduce himself as your boyfriend. He didn’t take in the unease of your body language or the lack of presence. “Hey, are you alright?” Steph asks, her arm winding around you. You look to her and as you were about to truthfully reply, her eyes lit up like a thousand Christmas trees. “Mitchy! You kicked ass out there, baby!” You watched emptily as she ran up and hugged Mitch and he pulled her to him. You looked away, unable to process the feeling of grief that still left you reeling even after all these years. “Y/N?” You swiped at an escaped tear before looking up to take in another one of your long, lost friends. “Is that you hiding over there?!” Suddenly you were swept into Mitchy’s arms, an unexpected gesture. “We missed you, bub! How have you been?” You can’t help but smile at his energy. “I’ve been... okay,” you answer truthfully. “I’m Nate. It’s so great to meet you, Mitch.” “Nice to meet you, Nate?” Mitch looked at you, pointedly. “Y/N’s—“ “FRIEND,” you finally clarified, glaring up at Nate. “Would you look who it is. What’s up, Y/N?” Now it was Auston’s turn to pull you into a hug. “Nice to see you back ‘round here. Glad to see your good luck never ran out. Thanks for the dub, bub.” You smiled, leaning into his warmth as he had yet to let go. “You should come out, celebrate, let loose tonight with us. It’s been a while.” You were about to decline when Nate chimed in, no doubt to impress his favorite player. “Yeah, Y/N! We should let loose! It’s a Friday night!” “Y/N...” a soft contrast to the pompous yelling done by the man on your other side. You’d know that voice anywhere. You suddenly felt even warmer under Auston’s arm at the sweetest interruption, your heartbeat slowing at the familiarity of your name on his tongue.

“Morgan,” you breathed once you were able to catch your breath. And there he was, just as you’d always dreamed since the day you made that mistake, since the day you pushed him away and he was looking at you, looking through you, seeing the lost girl standing there lost without him.

You had to turn into Auston to wipe the tears that escaped your eyes. He pulls you into him, sensing that this was becoming too much for you. Morgan, Nate, all your friends, crowding on you.

“So… now that Rielly has joined in, we going out or what?”

“Dude.” You could feel Auston start to get heated, to which you patted his back to get him to calm down, despite your need for the same comfort.

“No, that’s alright, Aus… I’m.. I’m just gonna—“ the last place you wanted to be was out.

“I’ll take you home.” You looked back up to Morgan, surprised that he volunteered.

“You don’t—“

“Come on, Y/N. It’s Auston Matthews and Mitch Marner. Let’s just have one dri—“

“That’s enough!” Morgan turned his attention to Nate who actively ignored all the signs of your anxiety and continued to pressure you. “Y/N said no. She’s not going,” Morgan leveled, giving him a glaring warning before turning to you with soft, apologizing blues. “Come on.” Morgan extended his hand to you and you couldn’t help the shake in yours as you took it.

“What a jackass,” he mumbled as he pulled you away, not giving Nate a chance to say anything else. He led you down the long corridor, leading you to the garage.

“Thank you,” you whispered, lowly when you finally came to a stop. “I—“

“Are you okay?” He asks quietly, leaning down. You could feel his breath on your face and although you felt so overwhelmed and drained, you answered truthfully.

“I will be,” you breathe, nodding your head. His warmth surrounded you, his fingers slowly squeezing around yours, the familiarity seeping into your veins. No matter the outcome, he was here with you and that in itself, after the absence you felt for so long, was enough. “One day, I will be.”

A/N: Part 3 coming soon!

#Morgan Rielly #Morgan Rielly imagine #Morgan Rielly imagines #Morgan Rielly x reader #NHL imagines #NHL Imagine #Auston Matthews #Mitch Marner

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nightingaletrash · 5 years

Note

Hello, I always love checking your tumblr ☺️, you influenced me to play Morrowind, Hogwart's Mystery and Masquerade Bloodlines and I had great time (your OCs are becoming like a real people by now to me) . Are you taking prompts with kissing now? If so, then could you do 2 or/and 11 with Velyne and Julan? Have a nice day 😉

Okay so first off, thank you???? It makes me so happy to know that people actually pay attention to my rambling and that it’s helping to allow other people to experience some excellent games :D And I’m glad you enjoy my OCs!! Some times I just feel like I’m annoying people when I rant about them ._.”

Anyways, here’s the drabble, I hope you enjoy ^^

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It was late. Secunda and Messer were high in the sky, and Velyne was double-checking her pack, ensuring she had everything she would need. There was no saying how long she would be away, but the supplies she had ought to last a while before they needed to be replenished.

She heard the rustling of the yurt’s flap and knew immediately who it was, though she didn’t look up. Looking at him, hearing his voice, even meeting his gaze would make this harder than it already was. But she had to do this, and this time it would have to be alone. The Ahemussa needed its Ashkhan and its Gulakhan now more than ever; she couldn’t ask either of them to accompany her on what was a very personal mission.

This curse had begun with a Telvanni. It seemed fitting that it end with one too.

“Vel,” Julan called softly.

She wanted to reply, but there were no words she could think of that would make things any simpler and any that dig spring to mind stuck in her throat. They had already argued, had shouted themselves hoarse over the issue, and the facts remained the same. She was going and he was staying, and that was final.

So she carried on arranging supplies that were already neatly stowed away, and toyed with straps that were already adjusted.

“Vel.” He was closer now. “Can’t it wait til morning. Ayrea will-”

“Will be fine,” she cut over coarsely. “She has the whole clan to look after her.”

“She won’t want the clan. She’ll want her mother,” he said sternly, now standing directly behind her. “Would you really take away her chance to say goodbye?”

“If it means that I can’t change my mind? Then yes.”

The words were harsh, but she knew that the moment that those big pink eyes looked up at her, sparkling with tears and accompanied by a trembling lip, her resolve would crumble and she would be unable to bring herself to do what must be done. She needed a cure, a proper one. For this damnable disease to be expunged from her, once and for all. And while it brought her no pleasure to turn to a Telvanni - especially one such as Neloth - a Telvanni might be the only one who could do something about it.

Finally she straightened up, shouldering her pack. She checked the straps, still looking for excuses to not face her own husband.

He didn’t give her one.

Instead he stepped around to her side, turned her to face him, and began to adjust the straps himself. Velyne winced. He wasn’t looking at her face, just focusing solely on the task of ensuring the straps were tight enough and that the weight was even across her shoulders.

“There,” he murmured, hands settling on her shoulders as he finally met her eyes. He was smiling sadly, his eyes glistening. “You’re all set.”

For a long few seconds, neither of them said a word or moved an inch. A thousand words passed between them, silent but heard, and Velyne took the chance to memorise his face.

The years had aged him significantly from the young, brash Ashlander she’d fallen in love with. The lines were deeper, crow’s feet crinkled the corners of his eyes, his hair was longer and accompanied by a beard, and both were peppered with tiny wisps of silver. He wore piercings in his ears and on the bridge of his nose - courtesy of Velyne herself - and now he wore the garb of an Ashkhan rather than the leathers he’d adopted back when they faced down Dagoth Ur.

The last two centuries showed on him, and it was why her condition frustrated her. Her skin was still smooth, untouched by the ravages of time, and her hair was still a pure, silky black. So many lamented that they did not share her unaging beauty; they would natter on and on of their envy of her, wishing that they could look half so young at such an age. Even Shani ribbed her about it from time to time, prodding Velyne to share her ‘secrets’ with everyone else.

Not one of them understood what it was like. Not one of them could understand why she wanted her curse gone. Why she would leave her husband, her child, and her clan behind to rid herself of eternal youth and beauty.

No one. Except Julan.

Slowly, his hands raised to the sides of her head, cupping her cheeks, and she knew he was analysing her face as she had analysed his own. A little security if the worst came to pass. If anything happened and if this was the last time they ever saw one another again…

It was as if the thought had crossed from her mind to his, as he pressed his lips hard against her’s, silencing it before it could take root in either of them.

Velyne grabbed his waist and kissed back hard, ignoring - or perhaps oblivious to - the tears prickling at her eyes.

Julan was warm, as he always was, but somehow it was more intense than ever before. Like she was experiencing that enveloping warmth for the first time, and found herself not wanting to leave. He represented so many things to her. Warmth, safety, love… Home. Julan had given her a home, a family, a place to belong where she was more than just some thief. And she was leaving it all behind in the hopes of a cure that might not even exist.

Suddenly he broke the kiss.

“Sorry,” he whispered. “I shouldn’t have-”

She yanked him back in, silencing him before he could pull away, before he retracted that feeling of safety.

Maybe she shouldn’t have. It made leaving harder. But was it so wrong to take another minute of comfort when she knew it could be months or years before she experienced it again? A stolen moment wouldn’t hurt that badly…

Or maybe it would. Right now she didn’t really care. She just kissed hard until the need to breathe forced them apart once more, breathing hard and cheeks flushed a dark purple.

“I love you,” he whispered after a moment of extended silence.

“I love you too,” she replied, running a hand over his cheek. “I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too. Just…” He paused, his gaze intense. “Make sure you come back alive.”

“I’ll do my best, but you know what these Telvanni are like,” she joked weakly. “For all I know, I’ll end up with tentacles for eyes.”

His face softened, and he couldn’t quite stop himself as he chuckled and shook his head.

“And I’ll love you still, tentacles and all.”

#iustine #morrowind #velyne drals #julan kaushibale #velyne/julan

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janeofcakes · 5 years

Text

FJW: Chapter 17

** Here it is, friends, another chapter! It took longer to edit than I thought and I was going to post last night, but pain reared its ugly head. I couldn’t move and passed out on the couch and didn’t rise til morning. In any case, I hope you all enjoy it! Cheers. **

Roughly two hours later, Sherlock sits on the sofa with his legs up and a plate of scrambled eggs on toast in his lap. His bandaged foot is propped on a pillow and he is no longer tipsy, but his brain still isn’t as sharp as it typically is. He is, however, ravenous and eats his breakfast without objection. John pulls his chair over to sit across from the sofa and eats with his flatmate. He swept up the bedroom and binned the glass after setting up Sherlock on the sofa. He also cleaned up the loo and bloody footprints, grumbling about pigheaded twats who keep secrets from their doctors the whole time and loudly enough for Sherlock to hear. Breakfast came after and took half the time to make.

“So when do you expect Mycroft to return Rosie?” John asks around a bite of toast and jam.

“Not until evening, I’m sure,” Sherlock replies, about to pop a piece toast with egg into his mouth. “Believe it or not, my brother adores being an uncle and clears as much time as possible to spend with his niece.”

“Well,” John laughs, “I don’t remember much about him yet, but Rosie must be quite the charmer to get through to him.”

“She has uncanny abilities,” Sherlock smiles. They share a laugh, but Sherlock cuts his off quickly and his smile fades. John creases his brow and is about to ask what is wrong when his flatmate startles him with a pleading voice full of desperation. “Please don’t take her from me.”

John’s jaw drops. Whatever he might want to say, although he has no idea what it would be, simply will not come. John is struck completely silent with shock. He stares into Sherlock’s imploring grey eyes and wonders what possessed him to even think such a thing. Why would he take Rosie from her home and her father? What kind of monster must Sherlock think him?

“What?” John finally finds his voice. “Why on earth would I…”

“You’ll want to move out,” Sherlock interrupts. “Get on with your life.”

“But why…”

“She doesn’t belong to me, John. You are her father. If you leave, she will go with you. It only makes sense.”

John gapes, unable to believe what his flatmate is saying. And every word, every word brings the man pain far worse than anything he suffered in the morning. John sets his plate aside and leans forward in his chair, elbows on his knees.

“Sherlock, you adopted her,” he swallows. “You raised her. You are her father.”

“I’m not. She’s your blood.”

“You are her father in every way that matters,” John insists. He pauses for a moment to watch his flatmate thoughtfully. Anger flashes through his eyes and he works hard to keep it from his voice when he speaks. “Is this because of Mycroft? Has he convinced you I’ll want to leave?”

“No!” Sherlock shouts, but reins himself in quickly. He looks away from John to the floor. Clearing his throat, he places his plate on the side table and shifts uneasily. “You may stay as long as you like, but there will be...others. Dates. Maybe marriage. You can’t stay after that. You will have to leave.”

“Oh,” John’s voice is little more than a whisper. He stares at his sad and flustered flatmate. It’s all so clear to him now. Sherlock is in love with someone else. Someone he wants to marry. Dates. Others. Marriage. Sherlock is trying to explain how things changed while John was asleep and how they will change again.

God, John can’t believe his own stupidity. It took him so long to really see it and understand. How absurd would it be to have him living in the flat once Sherlock is married? Where would he even stay? Rosie has her room and Sherlock has his. How did he ever convince his partner to stay away from the flat? Why has Rosie never mentioned anyone? Maybe Sherlock goes to see his lover when he leaves for cases. God, John’s very presence and Sherlock’s generosity are probably jeopardizing the relationship. John needs to leave. He needs to move out now so Sherlock can get on with his life. John shakes his head and covers his mouth with one hand.

“I’m sorry, Sherlock,” he begins. He looks at the man. “I’m so sorry.”

“Sorry?”

“I’ve spoiled everything, haven’t I?” John takes his hand from his mouth and sighs. “You’ve put your whole life on hold for me and I’ve been too stupid to see it.”

Sherlock doesn’t say a word. He simply gapes at his friend just as John did moments ago. The doctor looks back with wide eyes, tears pricking at the corners. He leaps out of his chair and drops to his knees in front of the detective, taking his hands in his.

“I understand, Sherlock, I do. My waking up was the worst thing that could’ve happened.”

Sherlock’s jaw drops, his eyes blink wide with shock. He looks absolutely horrified. John shakes his head in dismay. Everything Sherlock had tried to tell him, and Greg too. A lot has changed. John blinks back the tears and presses on.

“You have someone else, another life. You were going to be a family, the three of you, and then I came back in to fuck it up. I won’t stand in your way. I won’t. You are Rosie’s father and this is her home. I would never take her away from you,” John pauses to swallow down a sob. He inhales deeply, but his breath catches, giving him away. Sherlock’s expression softens into one of sadness and sympathy and...confusion? John shakes his head again. “I’ll move out. Rosie can visit me on weekends or holidays or…”

A traitorous tear breaks from John’s eye and trickles down his cheek. Sherlock’s eyes spark in recognition and he pulls his hands from John’s suddenly, as though every fingertip is burned by the doctor’s skin. John’s face falls. His heart stops. The crack that formed in it earlier slides open and his heart finally breaks in two. Sherlock Holmes is the other half and he has lost him.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” John’s voice breaks and he lowers his head in shame, unable to look Sherlock in the eye. He shouldn’t say it, he shouldn’t, and he doesn’t even realize he is going to until the words are out of his mouth. “I love you. I love you so much, but I won’t get in the way. I won’t…”

John gasps and his head snaps up. Sherlock is staring at him, his mouth closed, expression unreadable. Now John is the one who is horrified, tears running down his cheeks freely. He hadn’t meant to say that out loud. In fact, he had just resolved never to say those words. There is no sense in complicating matters. Sherlock is in love with someone else. John’s feelings make no difference. God, he’s such an idiot. He has to fix this. Sherlock has his life and John doesn’t want to make things more difficult. He’s already done enough.

“I’m sorry, Sherlock. I didn’t mean… I shouldn’t have said that. It’s not fair to you,” John scrambles to his feet. “You weren’t meant to know that. You have someone and I would never ask you to choose. I’m not! I would never… Oh, fuck.”

John turns on his heel and is about to pop up off the floor, but an iron grip with long fingers wraps around his wrist and holds him fast to the spot. He looks over his shoulder at the hand grasping at his own and slowly raises his eyes to Sherlock’s face, expecting anger. But Sherlock’s features are soft, his eyes fond, and his lips curled ever so slightly at the corners. He tugs on John’s arm as if imploring him to sit on his knees again and, without even thinking, he does. John turns to face his flatmate and falls to his calves before him. Sherlock pulls John’s hand into his lap and closes it in both of his own. He squeezes it tightly, enveloping it in the warmth of his touch.

“There is no one else, John,” he says quietly. “I told you before.”

“But you said dates,” John replies in a whisper, “and marriage.”

“For you, John. I meant that you would meet someone once you had settled back into your life. I thought you would want to marry again.”

“I do,” John breathes and Sherlock goes silent with the gravity of those two words.

For a long time, neither of them say a word. They simply search one another’s eyes and faces. Searching for the truth in the crinkles around his eyes, the green and gold flecks that make the grey come alive, the way both of their faces brighten when they see one another. John can feel hope welling in his chest, filling with such joy and light. The force of them springs from his fingertips. So strong is it within his body, he thinks Sherlock must be able to feel it too. And he does. Sherlock is glowing, absolutely glowing.

John licks his lips, trying to summon up the courage to speak. Sherlock’s gaze slips down to said lips and back up, but Sherlock’s eyes are dark with doubt when he meets John’s again. He shakes his head and John mirrors the motion, already frustrated. He knows exactly what Sherlock is going to say and doesn’t want to hear a word of it. It’s rubbish, the lot of it.

“John…”

“No. Don’t you say it.”

“You don’t love me. You don’t want any of that.”

“You don’t think I know what I want? That I don’t know my own mind?”

“You don’t.”

“That’s shit and you know it.”

“It’s true that you have remembered a great deal, but you don’t know everything.”

“I know enough.”

“No, John, you don’t.”

“Yes, I do!” John shouts, ripping his hand from Sherlock’s grasp. He rises to his knees and rests his hands on the sofa cushions, supporting himself as he leans close to Sherlock. They are at eye level now, John’s face up close to Sherlock’s, intruding in his personal space and staring at him with a level of intensity the detective has not seen in those stormy blue eyes for quite some time. John’s body is as tense as ripcord and it is all oddly...sexy.

“What are you afraid of?” John shouts, dispelling Sherlock’s distracting thoughts. “What do you think I’ll find out? I remember your sister nearly blowing my head off. I know you broke me when you faked your own death. And then you waltzed back two years later expecting everything to be the same, but nothing was the same.”

John pauses to catch his breath and shake his head, but doesn’t back down or give Sherlock a chance to react. Suddenly, he is shouting again.

“I remember the wedding! And the bloody pool!”

John pulls back swiftly, startling Sherlock enough to make him lean back in the sofa until he is pressed against the cushions. His eyes are wide, expression full of surprise and trepidation. John is on his feet now, pacing the floor like a man possessed. He wrings his hands as he speaks, balls them into fists and then goes back to wringing.

“That’s when I first knew it, Sherlock. I knew I was going to die and I looked at you and knew I would do anything to save you,” he stops on a dime and turns to face his flatmate. His voice is quiet, calmer when he continues. “I knew I loved you at that moment, but I would never say it. I denied it, to myself, to everyone. You didn’t feel the same way and you never would. You were married to your work.”

“Oh, John,” the voice is so quiet John almost isn’t sure Sherlock said anything at all. Still, he approaches and drops to his knees again. His fingertips rest on the edge of the sofa, his face tilted up to look at Sherlock’s. His eyes are soft and his voice steady.

“Do you want to know how I felt at the wedding? At my own wedding?” he wets his lips and Sherlock nods minutely, hanging on every word. “Lost. Like I had the right time and place, but the wrong person.”

Sherlock lets out a slow, sad sigh and tilts his head in what? Pity? Understanding? John isn’t sure, but he keeps talking anyway, confessing, knowing he’ll never have another chance as long as he lives.

“And you gave that speech. You played that song. And I knew I was wrong about you. All wrong,” John shakes his head and touches Sherlock’s long index finger with the tip of his own. “You did feel it. You felt everything. Everything I did. You loved me. And I’d just gotten married and fucked it all up.”

He looks down at Sherlock’s hands and traces the back of one with his finger, not daring to risk more than that one point of contact.

“I missed my chance,” he whispers. He meets Sherlock’s eyes again, inhales deeply and lets it out. “When you told us about the baby, I was surprised and happy...but sad. I wanted us to be the happy couple, the expectant parents, the new family.”

The detective is still and silent. His eyes shine with tears like sparkling puddles of silver light. His cheeks are tinted pink to match his lips and the color continues to rise, just beginning to reach his temples. John’s gaze lowers, following the same flushed skin on Sherlock’s neck down into his shirt collar. He looks incredible. His curls askew, his lips parted ever so slightly.

The silence seems to go on for hours. Finally, John swallows audibly and takes a chance. He slides his left hand off of Sherlock’s and slowly brings it to the man’s face, where he cups his cheek, index finger resting lightly on his cheekbone. John’s thumb strokes over the soft skin of Sherlock’s cheek and receives a quiet gasp. John’s gut reaction is to pull his hand away, and he almost does, but he could swear Sherlock leaned into his touch just the tiniest bit. The corners of John’s mouth twitch up and he hopes - god, he hopes he’s reading this right - but he’s not willing to risk it and keeps his distance.

“I’m sorry,” is all he says. Quietly, sincerely.

“Oh, John,” Sherlock breathes. It’s a deep, low whisper in the still air of the flat that takes John’s breath away. All he can do is watch as those beautiful lips part again and speak words he has longed to hear for so long. “I love you.”

Outside, the noise of London echoes through the air. The rumble of engines, click of footsteps from a myriad of walkers on the pavement, the door to Speedy’s creaking open and closed, a construction worker yells up to his mates on the other side of Baker Street, the very door to 221 clatters loudly as Mrs. Hudson closes it on her way to Tesco. John Watson hears none of it. All he can hear, or even think of, are the words just whispered by Sherlock Holmes.

John lets out a breath his didn’t realize he was holding, but remains completely motionless otherwise. He is suddenly consumed by the notion that he must be dreaming, unable to believe that what he just heard from his flatmate’s lips is true. But suppose it is. John’s lips part just a skosh and his eyes widen into an expression of silent surprise. His hand is still pressed gently against Sherlock’s cheek and the detective is definitely leaning into the touch now. John finally blinks once, twice. His disbelieving mind begins translating what his sense have told him and he stares, eyes glued on his flatmate. He twitches at the feeling of Sherlock’s touch at his own cheek. The detective wets his lips and sighs, his face easing into John’s hand even further.

“Mmm…” Sherlock hums softly as if looking for the right words. “I have always loved you.”

John breathes a long “oh”. It sounds like a sigh or maybe a prayer. It is so soft Sherlock scarcely heard it. John studies his face with a look of serenity on his own. He tilts his head, matching the curve of Sherlock’s hand, revelling in its warm touch. Oh my god, how he has longed for this. He stares at the detective through the haze of his mind, still unable to believe this is happening.

“My god, I can’t believe this. This...this is amazing,” John mumbles and wets his lips. “Is this a dream?”

“No, John,” Sherlock chuckles quietly. John’s mouth curls as he watches his flatmate’s matching dimples deepen with his growing smile. “You aren’t dreaming.”

John turns his head into Sherlock’s hand, his nose nearly touching the man’s pale wrist. He inhales deeply, closing his eyes. Then exhales slowly through his mouth and kisses the fragrant and now humid skin gently. Sherlock smells likes biscuits and cherry blossoms and a musky scent that must be his and his alone. John wonders how he never noticed it before. It is intoxicating. He can’t speak for anything prior to opening his eyes in hospital, but they have certainly been close enough since then. How can it be that John has never before taken the time to just breathe in the scent of his flatmate.

Sherlock swings his legs around and John leans back out of the way. When the detective’s feet touch the ground, one is on either side of the doctor, his body between those long legs. They looked into each other’s eyes, searching, asking, answering.

Sherlock leans in and their foreheads touch, their noses brushing together, his breath drifting over John’s lips. John lifts his chin so his lips ghost over Sherlock’s. He lets his eyes slip closed. He wants to feel everything, memorize every detail of this, their first kiss.

John tilts his head a bit more and gently presses his lips to his flatmate’s. Soft and warm and wet. They move against his and his hands float up to rest on Sherlock’s hips. God, it’s amazing. Better, more intimate than John ever imagined. He has waited his whole life for this kiss. He can’t remember most of said life, but of this one simple fact, he is certain.

All too soon, Sherlock tilts his own chin down, parting their lips but keeping their foreheads together. He opens his lips just enough for air to pass between them, his breaths coming faster than usual. The feel of it over John’s lips is heavenly and John wants to taste him. His lips, his tongue, his skin. He wants to glide his fingers over every part of his body, every beautiful inch. What if Sherlock knew his desire goes that far? What if John admits it? The man may love him, but that doesn’t mean he wants the physical as well. Does Sherlock feel things that way? It could still be too late to pursue that kind of relationship, if such a thing was ever possible. Sherlock did stop the kiss after all.

John swallows hard and tries to quiet all the thoughts spiraling uncontrollably in his mind. All questions. Questions about this man, his flatmate, his only true love. But no memories. How can he expect Sherlock to start anything with him when he can’t remember where they’ve come from?

“John,” Sherlock’s deep whisper brings John’s every thought to a crashing halt. His big hands cup the doctor’s jawline When had he done that? But slowly slide down to lie flat on John’s chest as he speaks. “John, I…”

“Shh,” John shushes. Certain he knows what the detective is going to say, John tries to stop him, wanting to hold onto this moment a bit longer. As long as he can.

Sherlock pushes at his chest, pushing him away. John lets out a sigh of regret and pulls back, letting his hands fall from his flatmate’s body. He opens his eyes to look sadly toward the floor. He sits back on his calves to give Sherlock plenty of space. Neither man touches the other any longer.

“I’m sorry, Sherlock. I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry.”

“John,” his deep voice is firm and demanding. John can’t help but raise his gaze to look at the taller man. What he sees is nothing less than earth-shattering.

Sherlock is disheveled, wrecked. His cheeks are still pink, his grey eyes dilated just enough to tell John it is from desire or pleasure and not something else. He scooches to the edge of the sofa, placing his hands on John’s biceps and urging him up on his knees again. Sherlock leans forward so their faces are close once again, his hands rubbing down John’s arms to his elbows and back up again.

“Don’t apologize, John,” he says sternly. “There is no need.”

“Sherlock,” John shakes his head, but he never manages to finish. Sherlock’s next words make him incapable of any coherent thought.

“I have wanted, dreamed of kissing you from nearly the moment I met you,” he tells him in a tender voice, “I only love you more each day I know you.”

John can scarcely believe his ears. It can’t be. Sherlock cannot possibly mean that the way it sounds. But what other way is there to mean that? John opens his mouth to speak, but remains silent when his flatmate’s finger touch his chin lightly.

“May I kiss you?” Sherlock whispers. “Please.”

“Yes.”

The word is a fleeting whisper on a breeze, dandelion seeds floating through a blue sky. Sherlock does not hesitate in closing the distance between them, his soft lips pressing firmly against John’s. They are hot and...active is the only word that comes to mind. They move slowly, luxurious and wanting, tasting and savoring. Very thorough, like the man himself. There is no one else in the world in this moment in John’s mind. Everything fades away, down to this man and this kiss. God, this kiss.

John lets a gasping breath pass through his lips, opening them ever so slightly without a thought. The detective follows suit and breathes into John’s mouth. They share the very air in between, from one mouth to another, heating their lips and cheeks as the breaths come faster. Sherlock slots his own plush lips above and below John’s lower lip. The doctor takes in a sharp breath and nearly moans from the pleasure of it. His hands are on Sherlock’s chest, his thumbs tracing small circles over the solid pectorals beneath. John sighs onto Sherlock’s lips wanting, needing to rip open the thin fabric under his fingers and touch hot skin. He wants to touch every inch, to burn his hands with the heat of it.

John feels the light nip of Sherlock’s plump lower lip pressing again his own and lets out a breathy sigh. His left hand slides down a few inches to circle its ring finger around a puckered pebble of a nipple. Sherlock gasps loudly and pulls his head back just far enough to stare John in the eye. The grey irises are but narrow rings around pupils blown wide. John can see his own reflection in those small, black mirrors. It holds his focus for a fraction of a second before he broadens his gaze once again and takes in all of his flatmate’s features. Sherlock looks surprised - at John or at himself - John does not know. The detective is also pleased. Most definitely pleased.

Sherlock’s brows climb up his own forehead as he licks his lips, closing them for only a moment before panting out quick breaths again. His hands stroke slowly down John’s back to his waist, his hips. John’s ring finger continues to brush over the detective’s hardening nipple. His pupils grow and he lurches his head forward to catch John’s lips with his own. This time the kiss is more urgent and intense. John lets out a low growl that turns into a moan when Sherlock’s lithe tongue swipes across his lower lip.

The taller man pulls away to look at his flatmate again, checking that all is well. John looks back at him with half-closed lids.

“Okay?” comes the sensuous baritone. John can feel it vibrate through his body and exhales breathlessly.

“Yeah,” he nods, swallowing hard. “Yes.”

When they meet again, Sherlock’s tongue slides easily into John’s mouth and licks at his tongue. John responds in kind, winding and gasping. Sherlock clutches at his ass now, pulling their hips together. John nearly comes the moment their erections rub against one another, separated by only a few layers of thin fabric. He licks into Sherlock’s mouth with fervor, tangling his fingers in those gorgeous dark curls. He bites gently at the detective’s lips, which elicits a most delicious moan, and they wind their tongues, tasting and sighing and breathing hard.

John drops his hands to lift the bottom of Sherlock’s shirt and doesn’t stop until it is over his head. He drops it on the floor and takes those ridiculous cheekbones in both hands. Pausing for a moment to look deeply into his flatmate’s eyes, John swoops in for a quick, teasing lick on his lower lip. God, Sherlock tastes incredible. John wants to lose himself in it, in the sensation of touching Sherlock’s gorgeous, lithe body. His own mutinous body would love nothing more than to let go, but it has to last longer. John wants it to last so much longer. Forever.

Sherlock lunges at him suddenly, knocking John to the floor. He lands with a clunk, the half-naked detective heavy on top of him. Sherlock doesn’t hesitate, even when John lets out an “oof” and a puff of breath. He is kissing John’s jaw, his chin, his throat. He gives a little bite where John’s neck and shoulder meet, and a lick, and then sits up abruptly. He has a leg on either side of the doctor, straddling his body. He scrabbles at the waistband of John’s boxer shorts and yanks his t-shirt up to his chest. John pushes up on his elbows to crash their lips together, only to be interrupted by his own shirt whisking roughly over his head. As soon as it’s gone, both men have their hands and lips on one another, kissing and mouthing and biting. They both pant into the other’s mouth, sharing the very air between them, the air from the other’s lungs. The kisses are fast and desperate. Nothing is enough, never enough, and almost too much.

Sherlock breaks away from John, planting both palms on his chest and shoving him to the floor. His back hits hard and so does his head with a sharp thunk. They both stop, still as statues staring at one another with eyes wide in surprise. Sherlock swallows and wets his lips.

“Are you all right?” he asks solemnly in a very quiet voice. John blinks once, looking back at him, still startled.

“Yeah,” his tongue darts across his own lips. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

They continue to stare, neither one moving a muscle. John looks at his flatmate expectantly, raising his brows in curious anticipation. Sherlock gazes down at him, a little smile playing over his lips. He drops onto John’s body again, his beautiful cupid’s bow setting to work on the doctor’s ear. John melts under his touch, his body. It’s like heaven. God, his chest feels so hot and smooth pressed against John’s. His taut belly brushing John’s when he takes a breath. John holds tight to Sherlock’s shoulders, arching his neck when those lips move down his jawline, to his throat.

“Oh god, Sherlock. God,” John closes his eyes and just...feels. He curls his fingers around the man’s shoulders - much broader and more toned than he expected. John never wants to let go and he keeps his hands on them as Sherlock mouths his way to John’s right nipple. He licks a stripe over it and twirls his tongue around it as it stiffens. “Christ, Sherlock!”

John’s eyes snap open and look down at the man on his chest. Sherlock gazes up from beneath his long lashes and smiles wickedly. John can’t stop watching his tongue as it curls and teases, and he knows it. The detective swirls his tongue around John’s nipple again and again, lapping at it, kissing it. The doctor moans and buries his hands in Sherlock’s soft curls He finds himself repeating his name in a hushed tone, like a prayer.

Sherlock mouths and licks his way across John’s chest to his left nipple, already a hardened pebble, and lavishes attention upon it. John squirms beneath him until he pinches the pink, slightly swollen right nipple. A bolt of lightning cracks through John’s body and he straightens like a board in an instant. Sherlock ceases his ministrations and sits up, still straddling John.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah. You?”

“Perfect,” Sherlock replies with a sultry grin. He traces imaginary shapes drawn on John’s skin, down his stomach to his belly and the waistband of the boxer shorts he wears. He pinches the fabric between his thumb and index finger and inches the garment down, but stops before it goes too far, before he can’t turn back.

“John,” is all he says. He meets John’s eyes, studying, asking, seeking permission. The tip of John’s tongue darts out and licks his lower lip as he nods once.

“Yes,” he whispers and then the words flow from his lips like water in a stream. “Yes, Sherlock, please. I want you. Need you. I love you. I…”

“Shhh,” Sherlock coos, bending down to kiss John sweetly. He whispers against the doctor’s lips. “We can do this. If you want to.”

“But do you?” John asks in a soft voice. “Sherlock, do you really want this?”

Sherlock pulls back a little to look at him. John wears a very serious expression. He cups Sherlock face in both hands and searches it. The detective can see his very soul shimmering in dark blue eyes.

“Do you… Do you really want this? Do you want me? Please, I need to know.”

“Shhh…” he shushes again. He traces small circles on the jut of John’s hipbone with his thumb. The motion is fluid and comforting, reassuring. John blinks slowly and gazes at his flatmate, full of love and sincerity. He opens his mouth to speak, but Sherlock covers his lips with long fingers. “I love you, John. Yes, I want you. I want to touch you. I want it all. Everything.”

He bites his lower lip and slides his hands down John’s body to hook index fingers into his waistband. He pulls them down slowly, his eyes devouring every new bit of tanned skin revealed. He exhales audibly when John lifts his hips, allowing Sherlock to slide the boxer shorts to John’s thighs. His prick bobs on his belly with arousal, its slit already leaking.

“Oh my god, John,” Sherlock breathes, touching John lightly with his fingertips. His flatmate shivers under his body and reaches for him. Sherlock leans over his cock and John finds his shoulders with trembling fingers. John’s head thumps on the floor again, falling back in utter ecstasy.

Sherlock licks the wet slit clean and angles his grey gaze up to look at John. The doctor lifts his head and meets the detective’s sultry gaze. Sherlock sort of smirks and wraps his lips around the head of John’s cock.

“Oh god!” John moans. His mouth is wide open, his steady stare watching everything Sherlock does. He breathes heavily, unable to move for the tingling. He feels it over his whole body and absolutely loves it. He buries his hands in Sherlock’s dark curls as his muscles twitch. “God, Sherlock. Fuck.”

Sherlock smiles around John’s cock and veritably tickles its rim with his lips. He takes in a bit more and swirls his tongue around it, swiping over the slit every few passes. John whimpers quietly and holds carefully to the lush curls between his fingers. God, he can’t move. He can’t speak. He can’t think. How the hell is Sherlock so good at this?! Okay, so he can think something. That, and Jesus Christ! Admittedly, John really has no recollection of his own sexual repertoire, but he most definitely believes - at this moment - that nothing in his past has ever approached this, not even close. This is pure fucking transcendence. Just seeing that gorgeous cupid’s bow around his dick nearly sends him over the edge, not to mention what his flatmate is doing with it.

John should stop watching. He knows he should stop watching, lest it all end too quickly, but he cannot tear his eyes away. He doesn’t want to, even if it will be his own undoing. John groans loudly as Sherlock takes more of him in his mouth.

“Oh Christ, Sherlock. Fucking...fuck.”

John is completely breathless, his body boneless, save his fingers gripping the detective’s soft curls. Sherlock looks back at John with those dark, sly eyes and smiles again before he begins bobbing and licking and sucking. His lips start to make the most obscene noises as they move over John’s cock and, once again, the doctor nearly loses it. So overcome by desire and pleasure and emotion, John pulls on the curls clutched in his fingers. It isn’t a hard tug, but Sherlock’s body goes entirely rigid and his mouth stills instantly - all things drawing to an immediate halt.

Shit. Idiot, idiot!

“Fuck,” John curses, already berating himself. Sherlock lets John slip from his lips and moves back up to face him properly, nose to nose. “I’m sorry. That was out of line. I overstepped and I won’t do it…”

He shamefully raises his gaze to meet his flatmate’s, but trails off as soon as he sees him. Sherlock’s grey eyes are completely blown, the corners of his mouth turned up into a very pleased and mischievous smile. His expression suddenly brings to mind the cat John’s family had when he was a child. She would corner a mouse and stare it down with the same look in her eyes, wiggling her hips before pouncing. A small movement catches John’s attention. Was that a shimmy of backside he just saw in the corner of his eye?

Sherlock springs forward and crashes their lips together in a searing kiss. His hands pin John’s up overhead as he licks into his mouth fiercely. Then the kisses slow and those glorious hands slide down to worship every part of John’s body with feather soft touches. Desire and need pulsing through his entire body, John grabs at Sherlock’s pajamas bottoms clumsily. His tingling fingers shove them down and then latch into the waistband of Sherlock’s pants. John pauses for a moment, giving Sherlock every chance to refuse.

“Do it,” he growls in a low whisper.

John pushes them down without hesitation. Sherlock’s hard and leaking cock touches John’s the moment the pants are gone and twitches in response to the hot skin it contacts. Both men inhale sharply and stare at one another, communicating through the gaze the share, saying a million words at once with only that one look. They begin to move and thrust in tandem, luxuriously, perfectly, as if they had done so countless times before.

John’s mind goes blank. He thinks of nothing - his past or future, what Sherlock means to him or what he means to Sherlock - nothing. Because he knows. He can feel it in every fiber of his being. Sherlock’s every touch, every word, every breath tells him all he needs to know. This man is his. Has been since long before John’s addled brain figured it out. Sherlock Holmes is his detective.

John gasps when his thoughts are interrupted by a hot curling sensation in the pit of his stomach, quickly followed by an earth-shattering orgasm. He cries out as he spurts between them, once, twice. Another spurt as Sherlock comes and they cry out together. Bodies tense and frozen with pleasure, neither man can move. Sherlock pants John’s name in little puffs of air that brush across John’s face. It sounds like an oath, a promise. His.

John’s hands slide up his detective’s sweat-slicked back and around to hold his beautifully flushed face between his palms. Sherlock does the same and they share an intense gaze. Sherlock’s eyes, his whole face softens and he tilts his head, letting out a slow breath. John’s eyes shimmer with tears, his lips quirked into a smile. They join in a tender kiss that ends all too soon in favor of breathing.

“John,” Sherlock’s voice is airy and full of emotion. He breathes against John’s mouth and then pulls back to meet his eyes with a very serious gaze. John feels the pull of dread in his stomach, but he needn’t have worried. “I love you, John. I have never loved anyone else and I… I want to spend my life with you. Marry me.”

The sitting room is silent, save John’s gasp and the heavy breathing both men are trying to control. John gapes, stalk still. He is suddenly awash with memories of feelings and affectionate smiles and looks that lasted a little too long and looks he wasn’t meant to notice but did, all shared between himself and the detective. His detective.

“Sherlock, I…” he pauses to see, really see Sherlock’s sparkling eyes, brimming with love and sincerity. He tilts his head and smiles. “I’d love to.”

Without another word, their lips comes together once more and they thunk back down to the floor.

***

Roughly an hour later, after they have both showered and donned proper clothing, John walks from the en suite into the bedroom. He stops almost immediately when he sees the figure of his flatmate seated on the bed, head bowed in thought. Or regret? Shit. Shit!

John moves closer, biting his lip and holding his breath. He crosses to the bed and sits carefully next to his detective, trying not to jostle him. Sherlock is perched just off the center of the bed, but its king-size allows plenty of room for John to sit without touching him. John licks his lips, not wanting to have this conversation or hear the words his flatmate will inevitably speak.

“Sherlock?”

“I’m sorry, John.”

“What?” his mouth goes dry. “For what?”

“That...proposal,” he answers, his voice dripping with disdain. John’s heart sinks.

“Oh,” he says quietly, sadly. It’s all he can bring himself to say. He can feel tears pricking at his eyes and tries desperately, but inconspicuously, to blink them back. He will not shed them in front of Sherlock Holmes… He doesn’t want him. He doesn’t… How can he get out of this room? He can’t hold them back for long. He’s not even sure he can stop them at all. He blinks again, half-dozen times and very fast. It’s not working. God, he’s crushed. Every part of him demolished so absolutely. He has to get out of here. Tea! He’ll offer to make tea and get the fuck out.

“Right. I’m sorry too. I’ll make us some tea,” John would have launched himself off the bed and out the door, but Sherlock’s fingers wrap around his wrist so quickly and hold him fast to the spot. John turns in the detective’s direction, keeping his head down.

“No! John, please,” there is panic in Sherlock’s voice. “Please, we need to talk about this.”

“Oh god. Sherlock, I can’t. I just can’t right now,” a tear slips from John’s eye and runs down the cheek not in the man’s field of vision. John almost gasps and bites his lip hard to stop it, closing his eyes tightly. More tears fall traitorously and he quickly turns his head away from Sherlock, tucking his chin to his chest. When he speaks, he can’t keep the pleading from his tone. “Please, let me go. Please. Just please let me go.”

“John,” Sherlock’s voice is firm but gentle. “John, look at me.”

“Just let me go,” he whispers, his words breaking. There is a long pause and Sherlock’s grip does not ease in the least.

“I am sorry I was so forward, so thoughtless and presumptuous,” he begins cautiously. “I...I was overwhelmed. And stupid. So stupid. It was too soon, too bloody fast, but I just couldn’t… There is so much for you to rediscover. You don’t even have your life back. I can’t ask this of you now. I’m sorry.”

“But I do,” John tells him, forgetting his tears and looking at Sherlock with wet but determined eyes. “I have my life back. You are my life. Rosie is my life. I love you both and I’ll never give you up. The rest of it be damned. I don’t care if I never remember it all. I have the two of you and I will never leave your side again.”

Sherlock doesn’t speak, but does sigh and tilt his head a fraction. His fingers slide away from John’s wrist and touch the smooth skin of his face once again. He cups that beautiful face and wipes away tears with his thumbs. They stay this way for what feels like forever. John’s whole body is vibrating and he is positive his heart will burst if Sherlock doesn’t say something soon. As if he knows, as if he can tell, his flatmate takes pity on him and parts his perfect lips.

“I love you, John Watson. Since the moment I met you, though I never thought I’d admit it. I never thought I would love anyone, but you defy all logic. I feel like I have always known you. Always loved you,” a small smile plays over his lips, revealing matching dimples on pale skin and squeezing John’s heart. “I dreamed of you before we even met. Complete defiance of logic. John Watson, will you be my husband?”

“Yes!” John breathes, his voice catching around a sob. “Yes, I will marry you, Sherlock. Oh god, yes.”

He falls into Sherlock’s arms and hugs him tightly. When he looks into his detective’s grey eyes again, he presses a soft kiss to his mouth and lingers taking in every sensation and scent. And he feels it. That thing that has quietly eluded him ever since Sherlock died. Ever since he married Mary. Ever since he awoke in hospital. John Watson is finally found. He is finally home.

El fin.

** And there it is, folks. the final chapter is in the books! I hope it didn’t end too abruptly. I was going to have Rosie come home and the three of them gather in a real family moment, but I felt the characters speak to me (as corny as that sounds) and so this is how it ends. Although, I suppose I could be persuaded to write an epilogue...hmmmm... I hope you loved the story and thank you, thank you all for sticking with me and for all the love and encouragement you have given me. I have some great ideas for more stories and a couple of one shots, so stay tuned in to JaneOfCakes! Much love.

@echosilverwolf @technicallywiseoncns @vvaticancameoss @cow-mow @philliphooper @whodwantmeasaflatmate @swissmissing @gloriascott93 @kingdomofbrokenhearts @srebrnafh @thetranslucentwallaby @britishaccentfan @plasticstrawsmuggler @spazzz32 @absentmindedsstuff @shuukichan @annecumberbatch @maeliandmyself @welcometomyharddrive @dischorde @superwholockpotterincamelot @red-pen-revolution @wtgilsa @ladidragonuniverse @louise175dk @melmey-fanfics

#Sherlock Holmes #Sherlock #sherlockholmes #sherlock fanfic #john watson #johnwatson #johnlock #Johnlock fanfic #hurt sherlock #season 4 #S4 fix

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smitten-miqitten · 5 years

Text

The Begrudging Misadventures of Era Hess and an Arrogant Ascian Ghost: Ch 3. Whatever have you done?

Ao3 Link Here

I promise the story gets more lighthearted after this.

............................................................

[......]

[....must end....]

A shadowed voice in the cold dark distance of Era's mind called out unintelligibly, strain though she might to hear it. She felt like she was drifting within herself, unable to find the purchase necessary to wake. Too vast was this space, too void of what ought to be present:Memories, feelings, dreams.... How infinitesimally small she was in the face of it all. She reached out, looking for anything at all to hold onto, anything that was hers....

"....ro. Heroooo....Era".

Era's eyes snapped open. She sat up in a panic, trying to ascertain where she was.

[See? Twas her name which did the trick], chuckled the voice of Hythlodaeus. He was sitting on a couch some ways from the bed on which she lay, looking comically large in comparison to it. Everything about the room bore decor in line with the rest of Amaurot, yet it was sized properly to her, rather than the usual denizens. The room was dim, lit by some few lamps and the gloomy light drifting in through the windows, a byproduct of the sea above. Upon the windowseat across from her lounged Hades. He was gazing at her with a look that seemed...expectant.

"And so it did! Welcome back to the waking world, hero", said Hades cheerfully, reverting to the usual moniker. "You remembered something, yes? Something small and insignificant, perhaps, but something nonetheless! Alas, you collapsed not long after", he tutted, though with none of his customary disapproval.

[Your soul was in quite a state during. I think it unwise to push too strongly, fractured as you still are], Hythlodaeus cautioned, earning a glare from Hades.

"She hasn't yet remembered anything of import, and you want her to stop?"

[I don't truly want anything, as you know. I am but a shadow. As for her condition, tis plain that her soul cannot handle overmuch of such strain in its current state], He scolded.

"Oh , don't say that. You'll only give him ideas", Era groaned, head still swimming. "Gods, it felt like an Echo vision, but without the usual distortion. As if I were living it. Really disorienting. I was tall, you were nice..."

"What? I'm not nice? After all I've done to help you and yours?" Mock offense colored his voice, a smirk on his lips. "Why, I even gave you your own room". He gestured around him.

She ignored him, as was usually the best option. "Did your lot always wear the masks? My...her hood was down because she had been alone in the room, but she still had her mask on".

"Our lot. And yes, we rarely removed them unless to sleep or bathe. Rather personal, to look fully upon one's face. Even amongst those closest to you, one would keep it on in most cases. We'd seen one another's faces, but twas still most comfortable for we two to wear masks the majority of the time. Before you ask, yes, the face I currently bear is near identical, save what changes were necessary to blend in with the populace. I have ever been a creature of habit."

"Did you...we ever end up making the larger Nu Mou?"

Hades frowned, eyes distant. "No, other matters demanded our attention. The great keening from the ground was heard not terribly long after that day, and our every waking moment was consumed with investigating the source. Mayhap that is why you remembered this and not other things. One last happy memory."

[...madness..]

[...this..madness..]

Era clutched at her head, feeling a sight ache, but it was soon to pass. Shaking it, she continued her inquiry. "In the memory, you called me a member of the Convocation. Seeing as I am not a member of your current ranks, I take it I was the fourteenth that the people here speak of. The one that left."

His face grew dark again, though Era had predicted that. "Very insightful. Indeed, you are the fourteenth. You were never replaced, so the seat remains yours to this day. Empty. And so we come to the crux of the issue, from which all the apologies you owe spring: Why. This I will not tell you, lest you ask. If you remember nothing else, I would see you remember that. Ideally before I fade for good, if you would be so kind", his own tone not kind in the slightest. The hate that laced his voice curiously did not reach his eyes, however.

Whatever it was she had done, he had clearly never forgiven her for it. Era could hazard a guess as to what it was, given the circumstances there wasn't much else it could be, but she did not think he would not accept an apology based on guesswork. Nor did she want to offer one, until she could see for herself that it was warranted.

[.....this madness..must..end...]

[My friend!] Hythlodaeus called out in alarm, for Era had started to clutch at her head once more. The pain was not fading now, rather growing worse with each passing second.

"Leave it!" Hades spat, preventing the shade from going to her side, forcing Hythlodaeus to dissipate. He could see it as well; her soul was in disarray, flaring brightly at random intervals. He cared little for the risks, however. If he could not see the resurrection of his people to fruition, if he could never truly walk the streets of Amaurot again, at least, the very least, he would have his apology.

[This madness must end, Hades!]

.....................................................................

[How is it madness?!], Hades shouted back. They were outside one of the most recently reconstructed buildings in the aftermath of the star's rescue by Zodiark's power. She had been avoiding him, avoiding all the members of the convocation, but he knew she would want to see the reconstruction progress with her own eyes and so sought her out here.

So much had been sacrificed to bring the world back from the brink that efforts to rebuild were slow at best. Til recently, she had busied herself with wandering the revived lands, recreating plants and animals to restore balance to the world's ecosystem. And to not have to see his tempered soul that so pained her to behold.

She was a pariah, welcomed only by virtue of how fervently she had fought the beasts that had laid waste to their home (from which she yet bore scars), her offer to take the place of a sacrifice on both occasions that the deed had to be done, and by the talent she wielded that had led the Convocation to reject the offers. Her refusal to once again take up her seat of office, her refusal to pay homage to Zodiark, these things alienated her from the remaining survivors. Ungrateful. Cowardly. Irresponsible. All accusations brushed past her seemingly unheard; she would not give.

And so it fell to Hades, her dearest, closest companion, to make her see reason. [It would be a fraction at the worst! A small fraction of all the life that this star will foster, in return for all those we have lost! How can you not want this?]

[Of course I want them back! I want everything back! I want you back, above all! But you are a fool to think that it will end at a small fraction, blinded by the spell Zodiark has cast on your soul. Your tempering deafens you to the reality of the situation. Zodiark will take all you have to give, til there is naught left!]

[And again you defame the very reason we may stand here to bicker! Were it not by Zodiark's grace, we would all be long dead! And you knew as much the day you abandoned your post!]

[I did not abandon it willingly. You would not see reason! There had to have been another way, if only you would have helped me find it. The source of the issue itself, if we but could have understood it, we would surely have been able to amend it. One half?! One half of everyone left?! The price was far too high!]

[There was no time! You searched and searched, and still identified no alternative! No viable way by which we might have averted the catastrophe without such loss. And you yet paint us villains]. The betrayal he felt was evident, and broke her heart to hear.

Her face softened at this accusation, the words cutting deep. Reaching for him, she said, voice breaking, [Not villains, never that, never you. Victims. Though he saved us as you claim, he yet has you in his thrall, unable to see any other way forward]. She was holding him now, voice muffled somewhat by his chest upon which her face was pressed.

[Though I miss them dearly, I know not a one would wish to see another sacrificed on their behalf. They did not save us expecting to be revived with the lives of all that came after. They wanted, as we ever have, only to protect our star. What stewards are we if we do so? What right have we to their lives? So too, then, does a parent have the right to sacrifice their children to save their friends?]

She knew her words did not reach him, could not reach him. Zodiark or no, they disagreed, plain and simple. It seemed, for the first time since meeting in childhood, that they had reached an impasse. He could only bear to look to the past, she to the future. The alternative for either was too painful to bear. She would chart a new course, and see him free of his enthrallment, and he would suffer it gladly, for eternity if need be, should it mean the return of their people.

Hades looked down at her in horror, that she would equate his goals to the sacrifice of children. Even in the final days they had not resorted to such things. Raising her face to look at him, he asked, [Is that truly what you think of me?]

[No, Hades. You are ever and always the champion of our people. You take upon yourself every burden, every guilt. That], she said with an odd, somber smile, [is how I see you. I, however, am better suited to the title of villain]. She began to pull away, but Hades held fast to her, fearing the intent behind those words.

[What do you mean by that? In what way are you the villain?], He questioned fiercely, but she merely shook her head, maintaining the odd sad smile. [My friend, do you truly think me so changed you no longer trust me enough to answer?] Hades asked quietly, fearing her response.

Shaking her head again, she replied, [No, no. Hades, you are the only person I trust. Ever have you been, and ever shall you remain, come what may. Tis Zodiark I do not trust, and until the day you are free of him I must be cautious in word and deed. For how can he not know all that you do, bound as you are?]

She reached to remove his mask, as well as her own. Looking him full in the face, she continued, [Know this, my dearest friend, you who knows me better than any other, that everything I do from here on is for your benefit and that of this star. Even should you come to curse my name, I shall never hate you for it. For it was my failure that brought all to this point, no wrongdoing of yours]

And with that, she left, whisked away by a spell she had prepared long before he had even arrived. She had meant to be found, he saw that now, so as to say her piece. He knew then he would not see her again, no matter how thoroughly he searched, until whatever she was plotting came to fruition. His mask that she had been holding clattered to the ground, breaking the heavy silence.

[Why must you be so stubborn?] He bemoaned, throat tight and face hot, fighting back tears.

.............

And see her again he did not. By the time she had brought her plan to bear, she was no more, spent in the summoning of her great and terrible champion. Spent and split and sundered.

He watched in horror as Zodiark was struck down, and every conceivable thing was divided many times over. Reduced in all respects, the world made weaker, frail and wanting. All...except for him and two others.

How?! How was this better?! How could she have thought this the only alternative, the only way forward? And this was to be to his benefit? This... nightmare...was because of him?

[My friend...] He cried, his anguish immeasurable [whatever have you done?!]

.....................................................................

"Hades", Era croaked, coming to with tears streaming from her eyes. He was already at her side, staring at her intently. His eyes widened a little upon hearing her speak; it was the first time she'd said his true name aloud.

"Another fun trip down memory lane? You seem less weakened from this one. It would seem Hylthodaeus's assessment was incorrect."

"I remember, Hades. The sundering. But I shouldn't. She was gone, when it happened, she wouldn't have known it went wrong. I saw your memory."

"Went wrong?" His brows furrowed.

"She...she meant only to bind Zodiark, to seal him away so he could no longer feast on aether. To protect the new life from his ravenous hunger. That was what Hydelyn was supposed to do. But she had also a conflicting wish; she wanted to free you from your tempering. Sealing...wouldn't have been enough. So instead Hydelyn's power became to weaken him, and in so doing weaken his hold on your souls. But even that failed." She paused to sob, overwhelmed from sharing in the emotions of two ancient beings. "I saw the last time the two of you spoke. She chose then and there to become the villain, to carry it all on her shoulders. She never dreamed she would end up saddling you with that burden instead. She never wanted that, never wanted you to suffer!"

That was not at all what he was expecting to hear. All of this, an accident? That she could have been so foolhardy...."Now, now do you finally see why things must be put to rights? Why the rejoinings are imperative?" Hades implored, a last attempt to make her agree. But Era shook her head, as her predecessor had so long ago.

"No. Regardless of the result, her chief goal was and is still the preservation of all life upon this star. That includes its reflections, in all their faded glory. And her secondary goal is nearly complete. You are no longer tempered, are you not?" Era's breathing was still strained, but her sobbing had ceased. She was returning to herself. "Nor, I imagine, is Lahabrea. Though I can't say either she or I are thrilled with the method."

"So that's it then. You will stay your course, and we shall fade into oblivion", Hades sighed, resigned. There was no winning, it seemed, neither then nor now. Gone were the days that she heeded him.

"I won't let that happen either", Era said, eyes fiery and fierce. "I will find a way to see that you are remembered at the least, if I can do nothing else. And for that I will need someone to teach me. Happen to know any amiable, unemployed ascians?"

He stared at her, dumbfounded by her gall...and could not help but to laugh at the absurdity. She may have a new face, a new name, a new life...but she had changed not at all.

"Ah, but I've neglected the most important thing!" She exclaimed.

"Oh"?

She looked at him with the utmost sincerity in her eyes. Smiling, she reached for his hands, holding them in her own.

"I'm sorry".

#shadowbringers spoilers #shb spoilers #5.0 spoilers #my self indulgent minifics #rather less 'mini' now though I guess #era hess #emet selch #ancient wol #I promise everything after this will be way less angsty #but there was just no way there wouldn't have been things to resolve before being friends again #absolutely no way

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rksakura · 5 years

Photo

FINALE, EPISODE 7 🔊: fiesta (solo) + nillili mambo ( lyrics + lines ) | group performance with 💖 sakura, woojin, daniel & zuho! coaches @rkxjinki, @junerk, @rkjinwook! mentions: @rkxkikwang, @yuzurk, @rkxminhee, @rkpwj, @danielxrk, @rkchwev, @rkmason, @rkzxh, @hyojinrk, @rkyuri, @rkchoutzuyu trigger warnings: mild levels of anxiety.

this is the final performance.

one more episode that'll determine everything and where she'll go, whether she gets signed or not.

faces being eliminated could be a high possibility as well. the thought of anyone of her teammates being eliminated makes her feel uneasy. while sakura is a complete ray of sunshine with a heart of gold, she still sticks to the honest side. this is a competition, she's against her friends who she doesn't want to lose either. while the tensions are at its highest stake, she has to see the positive outcome in this. even til' now she tenses at times, she does a wonderful job hiding it away from the camera which is a good advantage to her. that's because she's learned to smile through hard times but the adrenaline on the stage also excites her, the experience that made her develop into a better performer came from this opportunity.

she couldn't be any more grateful than to have a chance to broaden her connections, meeting the coaches wasn't intimidating at all. just like before, sakura makes bento boxes for her team and the coaches before the day ends and preps the meals accordingly to day-by-day. she was one who prefers homemade meals over going out despite her being a huge foodie. nothing beats the feeling of home sweet home. spending time with the team, she's gotten to know them more. it helps to know what they like with their dishes, sakura does her best to adjust to as they requested. hojung, jinki, and jinwook are coaches that she can ask feedback from comfortably without hesitating.

moments in the training room aren't simply singing, dancing, or rapping but conveying creativity and sharing ideas before all of them picked a final song. there are underlying doubts that reside in her when she hears that the tempo is following with hip-hop brands, she can't help it but reflects on her social image, a girl filled with aegyo and unique tone to rapping but she still feels it doesn't suit her. she's mentioned it to zuho, sitting down at the highest peak of a building to look over the dark skies. she's been wanting to receive feedback from the coaches, so she asks and they tell her that she needs to believe in herself more. sakura couldn't agree anymore. she's the type of person to motivate herself but can't do it all alone, encouragement from peers gives her the push that she needs to carry on.

the writing sessions with daniel are fun. at first, the impressions with sakura that she rubs off as a gentle, warm-hearted and that she might not be into all that with rapping, but she's been interested in song-writing for a while. this stems from her interest in poetry, writing haikus were her favourite past-time as a child. there's nothing but empowerment she feels from rapping, especially when it derives from her own resources. she's intrigued by his creativity levels, they're out of this world and she's sure to inform her teammate about his talents.

somewhere in the day, she's chatting with yuzu and notices that she's able to attend the live show with minhee. when she hears the good news, sakura instantly smiles and promises she'll work harder for the both of them. plus, she couldn't let the rest of her team down if she doesn't practise her facial expressions. the uneasy remnants remain trapped but she overrides that by giving practise her all. she needs to work on how she emphasizes certain words in korean, taking the time to memorise the lyrics as it's majority hangul than english. pronunciation is keycore, she couldn't make an embarrassment out of herself knowing that netizens out there could be out for her life. sakura has to be prepared for anything. she works hard in what she believes in, music is basically the air she breathes for.

most of all, she doesn't leave out to be there for her beloved ones. including mason and it honestly broke her heart when she heard the results from the last episode, but she doesn't mention it as she doesn't want to upset anyone. sakura can only wish him the best of luck and she does every time, rooting for mason and supporting his decisions. she even lets him know that she's afraid of not making it through when she's been this far and she's always listening to his stories within the industry. she takes a good time to hang out with her childhood friend and it breaks the concerns overwhelming her temporarily. she's overthinking but being side-by-side with her friends relieve any trepidation.

sometimes, she wants to ask yuri if she can stay over and have a sleepover with yuzu before all of this mga stuff happened? she wonders, will she lose everything if she did win and sign the contract? her friends are everything to her. sakura doesn't want to forget anyone or have herself be forgotten. she hasn't been able to see kikwang and tzuyu and it does run in her mind, bothering her to the point she'd write handwritten letters for them she'd give later on.

she doesn't ever forget her roots. ever.

it feels lonely without hyojin when he’s not around, sakura loves his company over. she wants to keep going on but she can’t help but think to send a text through, wondering if her good friend was alright after seeing what recently happened in the last episode. sakura doesn’t do so well dealing with loss. not that she’s a sore loser but when the ones she cares for experience such a thing.

the big day comes shortly. she wakes up from her bed with enough sleep to get on with her day, packing all the lunches she's made for her team the night before. there's also her hygienic duties, brush her teeth and fix her hair as well as eat her breakfast before she sets out to her designated destination. once she gets there, sakura enters the mnet building, greeting everyone familiar to her. waving her hands all around the place and wishing them the best, the energy pill is her, that roots for everyone! she feels that's the best energy she can give out. she's got everything packed carefully in her backpack, switching over to the outfit and her makeup's already done. the theme of the performance is interesting, different than what she usually does.

jinwook's birthday comes along, she brings mini mochi ice creams for everyone, including a pack for jinwook himself! celebrating birthdays gets sakura cheery, it makes her genuinely happy as it's someone else's important day and a nice day to celebrate with everyone. this week has been quite eventful with everything lining up with her school and volunteer work schedule to, but sakura feels that it's an escape, that's why going out and celebrating holidays make a great hangout. she sings happy birthday to jinwook, both in japanese and korean.

the choreography isn't hard to learn, but the focus on this episode seems like it was revolving around dancing than anything else but that's her weakest, that doesn't stop sakura from working around her barriers. she doesn't use that as an excuse to let laziness guide her. in fact, she uses it as willpower to take the challenge. she sees this as something she wants to overcome, something to be better at so that way in the future, she's overall a consistent performer. the sphere practise room is peaceful from what she remembers. the concept that she's been given is a trc-based but the doubts aren't bad anymore, sakura has all she needs. the right environment, the swagger of her own even if it doesn't suit the rappers from the original song. it's better to tweak it up to her own style rather than copy someone else anyway.

without vernon, it doesn't feel right either. a missing piece of the puzzle; another number down, a presence that her team is missing. she admired him for the tips she's learned from him in the rapping department, specifically. it's rare for sakura to meet rappers and when she does, she's sure to exchange information to keep in contact. she's met a couple more faces being in seoul. traveling around the world from youth, sakura's lost touch with a lot of friends that she was close to. she made sure that wouldn't happen as often present day.

at least, she can rely on daniel with performance criticism and critiques.

he’s right. the song is enjoyable as long as she doesn’t break her concentration. she asks zuho again and again, what defines sakura’s swagger? she’d receive the same words to be herself and not force it. she did have an individuality, an enigma to her soul when it comes to being up on the stage. she’s going to show that off.

when she’s sitting next to her team on her assigned seat, it’s not much longer until her full name is called up. miyawaki sakura. she’s assigned to take a section of the mash-up, matching her own epitome is the song solo by jennie from blackpink. she’s small bits here and there researching trc’s trends a couple nights ago, keeping notes up in her bulletin board as she read over them during rehearsals. the song’s quite powerful, so much that it eventually grew on her. she found herself playing it on repeat during her commute times. she presents a polite bow to the contestants and the judges that will be evaluating them.

before the song begins, she’s wearing a pair of sunglasses and posing for the camera as the lighting gradually increases, lenses lock on the team. she throws them off as the music starts playing. woojin starts with the opening lines and sakura dances along to her formation, movements sharp as she’s highlighting on her dancing. she’s practised so many times that she’s memorised the moves efficiently. daniel, zuho, and woojin sing through their lines and when sakura reaches her’s, she doesn’t find herself breathy thanks to the techniques she’s learned. jinki also helped in that aspect too, taking deep breaths before any performance is the way to go. it keeps her breath control in check as well as her anxiety levels.

when her lines come up, she holds the microphone firmly in her hand and starts singing. it’s not anything too hard, she holds a nice melody with her sweet tone. it’s easy on the ears but not aggressive that it seems like she’s overshadowing her teammates. sakura didn’t want that at all. she wants everything to be a fair win.

bichi naneun solo bichi naneun solo

i’m going solo lo lo lo lo lo i’m going solo lo lo lo lo lo

she rolls her body to the melody, keeps up with the same energy with her lines and dancing to make sure she doesn’t look subpar. she shares this segment with daniel. she has a big smile on her face as she looks over her teammate and winks, posing up two peace signs as she’s delivering a wave of charisma with her profound valor.

geot gachi ttaekkaji geunyang sarado dwae geu malhaneun neon sujeosujeo georyeo nan saraminde so what~ sing it loud like

bichi naneun solo

invariably, her australian accent shows with any of the english lyrics. her signature trademark is her multilingual abilities. she transitions it well back to korean, then switching to english. by this, she can use a unique ‘switch’ with her rapping or singing flow. her voice is a tool, a part of her she can control than let any of the fears control her. it’s an instrument like what her choir teacher told her back in high school during her cheerleader days.

bichi naneun solo i’m going solo lo lo lo lo lo i’m going solo lo lo lo lo lo

the mash-up seems like a fast-tempo song, she’s somewhat surprised that she’s able to hold off on her own because if the current her was the same sakura from a year ago, she wouldn’t even have the ounce of confidence to be on this stage without trembling or shaking. anxiety doesn’t go away just like that, she has her moments too but she didn’t work hard for all of this to go to waste.

she’s jumping on the stage with a bright smile on her face as she winks at the camera again! she picks herself up to hit the dance moves duly, providing an excerpt of her rap.

give me more give me more geonjohan sok keun bul jipin neo gudeojin du bare tto hoheuphae anim michilgeol ganjeolhi gajgo sipeo neon allokdallok son japgo nun gamgo ipmajchwo neomgyeo baton

the cute charm remains (it’s never going away, isn’t that what everyone knows her for?) but sakura also wants to indicate her chic colours, she’s not reliant on her ‘soothing sound’ at the moment but wants to leave an unremarkable impression to the judges so that her name’s written somewhere out there and she’s not just another pretty face on the screen that seems talentless. that’d be the last she’d want to go by. to get to the top, she must survive her way to the bottom and fight her way to become a rising phoenix.

give me more

she’s learned how to harmonise with her team too! sakura didn’t know too much about in-depth singing features but it’s essential if she wants to sound good and hold a note. she doesn’t sound off-key and not too horrible but still isn’t at the peak where she can belt out high notes like the others do. jinwook and jinki have strong pipes which is why she asked for some pointers on her vocal control and the consistency of it. her vocals are soft, thin and sometimes airy but she isn’t doing adlibs so sakura holds a strong tune.

yongseohaejulge

the boys possess loads of charisma as well which compliment the entire performance, she can really rely on her team without a doubt to win this. it doesn’t even have to be first place but sakura’s one to appreciate the beauty regardless of the situation.

sunglasses are on at the end, she’s forming a v-shape with her fingers underneath her chin as she poses.

she’s given a lot of her energy but it doesn’t stop there. the song closes but another door opens. this was the most complicated piece she’d spend a good time on, endless nights and days of playing owl so that she didn’t stutter with her words. but like the last song, the sound of it was also energetic! she found a way to work around it.

pirates, argh matey and all. wooden boats and parrots as props in the setting. she thinks it’s an amusing concept, not one that seems typical of her but once she takes off the sunglasses, an eyepatch is revealed and she throws the sunglasses to the audience if someone wanted to catch it. daniel opens up with his rap and it’s the part where he wrote his own lyrics. she’d proud of his achievement and his ability and it expresses in her eyes whilst performing in the stage.

she jams to the melody of zuho’s swagger voice, he’s popping off as well and sakura’s happy for her best friend. it feels like there was nothing to be stressed over the entire time, not when she has zuho by her side to support her through tough times. she cherishes his company, doting on him a lot of the time. sakura keeps up with the movement of the dance, making sure to keep a friendly smile on her face!

aight~! jakjeonghago nawara sarammada jeongsin nagan holiday igot bunwigin yeoreumbada geollijeok georineun witdori taruihae eosuseonhage beongjjiji mara yangchigisonyeon gachi sabangeul jeonjeonhamyeo Blah Blah donghaedo naega daibinghamyeon adamhan puljang joeda baksallaera click clack boom pow

being the only girl in the group felt scary at first but she’s aware that the boys have her back when she’s in trouble and they don’t bite at all. sakura’s the type of person to give people the benefit of the doubt. it often ended well for her as most people didn’t take advantage and don’t break her trust. there are a few cases but not many to the point she’d lose the spark of her generosity.

she’s doing what she loves on stage, living the dream. being able to rap freely, proving people wrong—not to judge by her looks, to see the soul with eyes. she lets the boys shine in the spotlight while following the formation of the dance.

(this is real b.b) (we be big pimpin)

baksuchigo sondeureo igeon baiking taljinhal ttaekkaji gyesok syauting bbbbrrrrrrrr~!

not one song but two, this was a lot and she’ll be tired after but it’s worth it.

she doesn’t have much longer. the song’s going to end soon. sakura doesn’t want to think about the countdown but enjoy and breath in the moment of the song. she takes heavy deep breaths but keeps the microphone away from her mouth so there’s no feedback. when it’s her time to shine again, sakura sings the last bit of her lines effortlessly.

nilliri rarara nilliriya nillirimambo nilliri rarara nilliriya nillirimambo nilliri rarara nilliriya nillirimambo

woojin closes the song. when the instrumental stops playing, she’s out-of-breath but thanks everybody for watching them. including the viewers, judges, and contestants. prior to leaving the stage, sakura takes a courteous bow on the stage.

adrenaline gushes through her system, it’s not leaving yet as she’s still going to root for the others, watching the remaining time of the mnet global auditions. she has to stay to see what the results are. regardless, watching the process of elimination is nerve-wracking. at least, she can enjoy the rest of the other performances and see what everyone else has to show off!

she didn’t calculate that she’d make it this far but being on this taxing and demanding show has polished a lot of her skillsets that she probably couldn’t do on her own with the help of her peers, friends, coaches, teammates, and any words she’s received from the judges about her musicianship.

she’s come a long way down this road. she’ll have to call her mother and father once they’re back from their business trip so she can catch up since it’s been a while she hasn’t contacted them. she’s been slacking in communications but she’s doing the best she can with the limited time she has.

#*solo.journey*#rkmga5 #rkmga5finale #( tagging later orz #wc: 3k

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roseisread · 5 years

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My Year in Movies: Favorite Non-2018 Feature Films (Part 1)

I watched a LOT of movies this year. At last count, I had logged 229 features and 126 shorts; and that doesn’t count rewatches--only movies that were new to me.

I set a few challenges for myself as well this year. The first one was to watch at least one non-English language/US release per week--this exposed me to so much world cinema and some really amazing filmmakers. Anyone who avoids foreign films because “I don’t like subtitles” is really missing out, and I found myself craving these narratives from voices I don’t ordinarily get exposed to in my everyday life.

Other personal challenges: Watching as many horror movies as possible in October (with horror defined pretty loosely so I could include entries from silent era and onward, as well as some comedy cult classics that have horror/thriller elements); participating in Noirvember (in addition to attending Noir City in Chicago); crossing off some major blindspots from my list (such as Bicycle Thieves, The Producers, Lethal Weapon, A Few Good Men, Grease, Home Alone 2, Brazil, and Indiana Jones & the Temple of Doom); and trying to watch movies and short films from every decade that motion pictures have existed.

In 2019, I hope to do similar personal challenges with a focus on movies made by women, LGBTQ+, and people of color, in addition to filling in the gaps of my classical/canonical movie knowledge.

OK, so that’s enough preamble. Let’s get to the list! For this list, I’m excluding movies that were released in 2018--that’s coming but this is for movies released before that.

50. Linda Linda Linda (2005, directed by Nobuhiro Yamashita, country of origin: Japan)

High school girls recruit the Korean exchange student (Doona Bae, of Cloud Atlas and Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance) to join their rock band a few days before the school talent show. This is just a feel good film, recommended if you enjoyed the likes of Sing Street, We Are The Best!, and The Runaways. Unfortunately, it’s out of print in physical form; but last I checked someone had uploaded it to YouTube so you might want to get on that before it’s removed. You can watch the trailer here.

49. The Blue Dahlia (1946, directed by George Marshall, country of origin: US)

This film noir stars Veronica Lake and Alan Ladd, and like any good noir, it deals with dark subjects including murder, blackmail, political corruption, and PTSD. It’s been on my watchlist for a long time, and thanks to Noir City Chicago, I got to see it on the big screen at the Music Box Theatre. For small screen viewing, you can catch up with it via rental on Vudu, Amazon, iTunes... the usual suspects.

48. Siren of the Tropics (1927, directed by Mario Nalpas and Henri Etievant, country of origin: France)

My dearly departed Filmstruck had a spotlight on the films of Josephine Baker, and this was among them. I fell in love instantly with the lively, beautiful Baker, here playing a woman named Papitou who deals with some super scummy dudes but manages to be herself in the face of all that nonsense. Silent films can sometimes be tougher to engage with for modern audiences, but this one flies by and contains some unexpectedly racy sequences for the time. Its racial politics don’t meet today’s cultural standards, but considering Baker’s parents were former slaves and their daughter went on to become the first woman of color to star in a major motion picture, this is still a landmark film worthy of our consideration. She broke down many barriers and contributed a great deal to both the entertainment world and the Civil Rights movement, and this serves as a nice entry point into her career. It’s available on DVD through Kino Lorber, and hopefully one day soon it’ll pop up on another streaming service that carries on the Filmstruck legacy.

47. I Don’t Feel At Home in This World Anymore (2017, directed by Macon Blair, country of origin: US)

Here’s a film that goes to some unexpected places. I had no idea what to expect from Macon Blair, who frequently appears in the movies of Jeremy Saulnier; but in his debut feature for Netflix, he pulled out all the stops. Hilarious, violent, and intense, with memorable performances from stars Melanie Lynskey and Elijah Wood, this is a movie about getting in over your head and just going for it anyway. I don’t want to tell you about the plot because it’s best discovered through watching--just go to your nearest device and add it to your Netflix queue.

46. Song of the Sea (2014, directed by Tomm Moore, country of origin: Ireland)

Absolutely gorgeous animation from the team that previously brought us The Secret of Kells, and a touching story that combines family and mythology. I adored this one. Watch it on Netflix or rent on the usual streaming sources--for a preview, click here.

45. Yankee Doodle Dandy (1942, directed by Michael Curtiz, country of origin: US)

I always watch Independence Day on the Fourth of July; but in 2018, I decided to mix it up and cross this patriotic musical off the watchlist. I’d seen James Cagney’s gangster movies like White Heat and The Public Enemy, but seeing him sing and dance was a whole new joyous discovery. This movie is entertaining, funny, touching, and full of iconic sequences that other films would go on to borrow from. I absolutely loved it. Pretty sure I saw this on Filmstruck originally, but since that’s no longer possible you should be able to find it at your local public library or you can rent it for a couple bucks on Amazon, YouTube, iTunes, and the like.

44. The Man Who Cheated Himself (1950, directed by Felix Feist, country of origin: US)

This tightly wound noir thriller pits brother against brother against the backdrop of 1950s San Francisco. Lee Cobb plays an aging bachelor and an accomplished police detective who falls for the wrong dame. His younger brother, played by John Dall (Gun Crazy, Rope), has just joined the police force and idolizes his older brother. Trouble strikes when the dame murders her no good husband and needs help from Cobb to cover it up. Naturally, Dall gets assigned to the case and as he begins to piece together the clues, he doesn’t like where they’re leading him. The climactic sequence is one of my favorite endings to a noir film, and I’ve seen a lot of them. Watch it for free if you have Amazon Prime; otherwise, there are a few versions uploaded to YouTube of varying quality or you could wait for it to pop up on TCM.

43. Los Angeles Plays Itself (2003, directed by Thom Andersen, country of origin: US)

This documentary edits together clips from movies of every era that were filmed or set in Los Angeles, and explains through voiceover narration the significance of each location and the history of the motion pictures in LA. That’s it--very simple concept but also fascinating. I split this up over a couple nights because it’s pretty long, but if you’re a film fan or a Los Angeles native, this is well worth your time. The voiceover is kind of hilariously flat in its delivery--kind of a Steven Wright sound actually--but that sort of adds to the charm for me. Get a taste by watching the trailer, and then you can rent it on YouTube for $1.99.

42. A Simple Plan (1998, directed by Sam Raimi, country of origin: US)

It’s been almost two years since we lost Bill Paxton; I don’t know about you but I don’t think any other actor can really fill those shoes. This year I caught up with three films that showcased his talent: A Simple Plan, One False Move, and Frailty. He plays very different characters in each one but in many ways they all start off with a similar premise: Ordinary guy dreams of becoming more. What that “more” is for each character is what sets each film and performance apart, but Paxton provided a great canvas to paint these unique characters onto. He inhabited the ordinary man better than just about anyone.

In this film, which I watched during Noirvember, Paxton plays Hank, a college-educated guy working a blue collar job in a small town, trying to make a better life for himself and his family. He’d like to get away from those small town roots, but his socially awkward brother Jacob (Billy Bob Thornton) relies on him. Unfortunately, Jacob is often accompanied by the hard-drinking loose canon Lou (Brent Briscoe). When the unlikely trio discover a crashed plane in the woods containing a suitcase full of cash, they each have ideas for how to handle the situation. Of course things escalate from there, and the way the movie explores human nature and family ties set this story apart. Available for online rental on the usual platforms.

41. The Iron Giant (1999, directed by Brad Bird, country of origin: US)

Given my obsession with Vin Diesel in the early 2000s, it’s pretty shocking I never saw this movie til now--sure, he and his glorious muscles don’t appear on screen, but he does provide the voice of the title character after all. When the Iron Giant made a controversial cameo in this year’s film adaptation of Ready Player One, I decided it was time I saw the source material for myself.

This gorgeously animated fable unfolds during the Cold War era, and features an ET-inspired story arc of a young boy befriending an unlikely being that the government is looking for. If you’ve never seen it, this is definitely a must-watch. Currently available on Netflix, but rentable on other platforms too.

40. The Unsuspected (1947, directed by Michael Curtiz, country of origin: US)

I adore Claude Rains, star of this film and supporting actor in Curtiz’s more famous work, Casablanca. Here, he plays the host and narrator of a popular radio show that revolves around tales of murder--basically the Law and Order: SVU of its day. We learn early on that he sometimes draws inspiration for his broadcasts from real life criminals. When people in his own life start dropping dead, the plot thickens and he finds himself at the center of the action. A very suspenseful and well-plotted film noir, which is available from the Warner Archive collection on DVD. I got to see it at Noir City Chicago, and loved every second of it.

That’s all for this entry--stay tuned for part two of this list, posting soon!

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pyromania2667 · 5 years

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The Goliath

"The ground trembled, I hid, lest of what's to come. Then I saw it, a massive hulking monstrosity, easily the size of three men. He walked with heavy hands, ready to smash anything that stood within his path. I could only hide in fear of what he could do once he saw me."

(Introducing: “The Goliath” A fanmade Killer for DBD)

Name: Ryker Sullevan

DLC: Unyielding Savagery

Gender: Male

Age: 36

Difficult: Intermediate

Height: Tall

Ethnicity: Canadian

Realm: The Arena (smaller map, I may describe this later)

Weapon: Spiked Cestus

Speed: 115%

Terror Radius: 32 meters

Lore: Born into poverty, Ryker was always has a short temper, the cold air did little to cool him down, as he was rough with other children during outdoor activities. His parents did what they could, but were forced to give him for public adoption in hopes he’d have a better than that what they could provide. He was adopted by a mature couple with a benevolent facade.

Unfortunately, his parents were less than kind and they took him out of the country to Nevada were his will was broken and taught little other than how to fight for himself

Eventually when he grew older, he was forced to fight in unruly matches against other people in unsavory locations and dirty cages. Bets were wagered and fights were bloody; Ryker knew only combat and self preservation, none were safe from his wrath.

He maintained a stockier build, and as he grew he became known as “The Goliath” by his fans and foes alike. Most of the time Fights weren’t lethal, as they were forced to stop by one means or another. As Ryker fought with all his might, his foe managed to draw blood and Ryker began bleed out fast, enraged and injured, The Goliath flew into a frenzy pinning his foe to the ground as he threw both fists onto his opponent, breaking most of his ribs then, shaking the aggressor violently, he picked him up and threw him onto the ground, killing him in the process.

Screams of terror unleashed from the audience, and Ryker quickly broke out of the cage, anyone he caught up to felt the full force of his fury, dodging bullets and taking several bullets to his torso, The Goliath still held, not many lived to tell the tale, as not many could speak of the laws they broke anyway.

Ryker knelt down, bloody and surrounded by corpses as spider-like appendages emerged from the walls, in stupor from blood loss, he was unable to register what was happening, but before he knew it, he wasn’t in the dimly lit arena anymore.

The Goliath is a massive behemoth of a man, slightly taller than the Trapper, with broad shoulders, and massive arms and legs covered in scars and bandages. The Goliath wears little aside his bandages, clothed in only a helmet and a belted loincloth (Reference Pic by Marvin Seo)

The Goliath’s weapons of choice are his Spiked Cestuses, which allows him to get within arms reach of his prey.

The Goliath’s Power: Tremors

Slamming his fists into the ground, The Goliath sends waves of force that briefly disrupts any survivors caught in the blast

Use the alternate action key to stun survivors within a 14 meter cone in front of you

Survivors caught will be stunned in place for 1.5 seconds and will be hindered by 40% for 2 seconds after the stun wears off

Frequent uses without delay will fatigue The Goliath

Tremors has a .5 second windup time before he slams the ground, the Quake area is instant and is a 60 degree cone in front of you, There is a .65 second backswing before you can make any other actions. Using Tremors 3 times within 11 seconds will cause you to become hindered (10%) for 8 seconds, each use of Tremors during this time will refresh the duration. The Goliath will bellow as he uses Tremors.

The Goliath will hurl his arm in a forward arc while attacking. He will shake the blood off his cestus after a successful attack.

Mori - (Surv POV) The Goliath walks to the side of you as the camera pans, giving a worms eye view of him as he slams both his fists on you until you stop screaming.

(Killer POV) You walk to the side of the survivor as the camera pans downward to the survivor, as you see both of your arms lift upward then slam repeatedly onto the survivor

His personal perks, Abuse, Rampage, and Animosity allow him to Punish survivors for punishing him and keep track of survivors easier.

The Goliath’s Perks:

Abuse: The force of your attacks cause survivors to writhe in pain longer. After attacking a survivor, reveal their aura to you for 9 / 12 / 15 seconds

“Stand up, fight! Fight ‘til you are dead!” - The Arena Master

Unique to The Goliath until Level 30, at which point its Teachable version can then be learned and taught to the other Killers

Rampage: The act of damaging objects riles you. After breaking a pallet or damaging a generator, gain a 6 / 8 / 10% haste effect for 10 seconds. This perk has a 30 second cooldown

(Spirit fury will proc this perk)

Unique to The Goliath until Level 35, at which point its Teachable version can then be learned and taught to the other Killers

Animosity: The feeling of being threatened rocks to you to your very core, building up anger. After being stunned or blinded, release an intimidating roar, causing survivors within 32 meters to suffer from the exposed status effect for 12 / 16 / 20 seconds

“If you don’t win this, you don’t get any food for a week” - The Arena Master

Example Addons:

Common:

Tuft of threads - A bit of cloth from a slain audience member. Slightly increases the range of your power (2 meters)

Stale bread - Cheap. poor quality bread, fed to The Goliath. Slightly increases the duration of the hindered effect (.5 seconds)

Uncommon:

Soft Snow - A handful of snowflakes from Canada, soothing The Goliath; the snow shows no sign of melting. Increases the amount of times you can use Tremors by 1 before becoming fatigued, but increase the chain tremor window by 4 seconds

Padded Gauntlets - This cestus lined with a soft cloth, to prevent damage to the user. Slightly reduces tremor’s cooldown (backswing from .65 sec to .4 sec)

Rare:

Torn Sleeve - A sleeve torn from one of the Shirt’s that The Goliath grew out of. Considerably increases the range of your power (6 meters)

Clean water - A bottle of water to keep The Goliath hydrated. Moderately increases the stun duration of your power (.5 seconds)

Very Rare:

Family Photo - A photo of The Goliath’s birth family. Increases the hindered slow to 70%

Cold Cuts - Slices of meat wrapped in paper, still cool to the touch. Considerably increases the duration of the hindered effect (1.5 seconds)

Weighted Gauntlets - Heavy gauntlets to put force in your actions. Tremors now instantly breaks pallets. Increase the hindered slow duration by 2.5 seconds

Ultra Rare:

Letter from Mrs. Sullevan - A letter from The Goliath’s birth mother, holding it unlocks tremendous potential in The Goliath’s power. Considerably reduces the range of your power (6 meters) Removes the stun from your power. Survivors caught in your power take 1 stage of damage. Reduces the amount of times until you become fatigued by 2, increases the hindered slow by 5%, reduces the chain tremor window to 6 seconds.

“Dear Ryker, I hope you receive this letter, I can’t seem to come in contact with your parents, but I hope you are doing well. Things are going fine here, but money is still short, I hope I we can meet up one day soon. Sincerely, Your Birth Mom, - Sullevan.”

Adoption Certificate - A note filled with all the details and credentials of a proper adoption. holding it instills tremendous potential in the Goliath’s power. Survivors caught in tremors are launched into the air, moving them closer to The Goliath (about 1-8 meters depending on distance from him, this will trigger all effects associated with falling) They suffer the Stun and Hindered effect after landing.

Frozen Splinter - Allows you to take on the role of The Goliath for the next trial. Your current Perks and Add-ons will not be used.

"...”

Introducing: Jessica Ambers

"As I worked one of the strange machines I had gotten so used to, I saw a woman being chased by one of those monsters. She raced around, only to throw a drop down with tremendous vigor, her strength alone was enough to disorient the monster for the time being, it was strange seeing someone with the audacity to take one of those things head on."

DLC: Unyielding Savagery

Gender: Female

Age: 28

Role: Hardy Combatist

Ethnicity: Caucasian American

Difficulty: Hard

Jessica Ambers was always one to hold her ground, be it a firm belief or engaging in combat, Jessica would never back out from confrontation. She gained a reputation for being hardy in school, and nobody dared to mess with her.

When High School started a few her friends convinced her to join the wrestling team, while Jessica was unsure, her friends decided to try it out with her. Jessica felt uneasy in the pointless combat, but sure enough, she ensued, and excelled in it. She didn’t have too much fun, but she was great at it, and that was important to her, and her team.

Senior year rolled by and Jessica was undefeated, she felt unstoppable, and could prove it in the arena. Unfortunately for her opponent, they were one to find out first hand, knocked unconscious, and put in a coma, Jessica couldn’t get over the guilt of what she had inflicted upon her opponent. Swearing off boxing and combat, Jessica decided to put all of her effort back into her academics.

Eventually when Jessica was older, she was at a night out with some close friends in Nevada. In the thick of the darkness, someone jumped them, in attempt to rob Jessica and her friends. Without thinking, Jessica charged in at the aggressor, pinning them to the ground, the brawl was messy, and Jessica broke a few ribs. Her friends rushed her to the hospital to heal.

A few nights in, several ambulances came wailing down the streets, talks about people with horrible injuries caused by a massive lunatic spread like wildfire in the hospital. Jessica soon fell asleep to the sounds of the ambulances.

Eventually She woke up out of the hospital, her injuries far less severe. Taking in her surroundings, she noticed a campfire not too far from her and felt compelled to walk toward it.

The records of Jessica’s stay at the hospital completely vanished, and nobody has ever seen her since.

Jessica’s perks, Recuperation, Prowess, and Impedance help her recover from severe injury while also disrupting the killer

Jessica’s Perks:

Riled: If you are caught from an action, your wiggle meter is set to 50%, this bonus is halved while injured “You can knock me down, but I’ll get right back up!” - Jessica Ambers

Unique to Jessica Ambers until Level 30, at which point its Teachable version can then be learned and taught to the other Survivors (OG Recuperation was added as one of Ash's perks, so I had to rework this.)

Prowess: Your knack for combat has taught you how to fight dirty if necessary. Successfully throwing down a pallet on a killer stuns them for an additional 1 / 1.5 / 2 seconds. Perks that stun the killer have their duration increased by 0 / .5 / 1 second(s)

“One step closer and you’ll be in a world of hurt.” - Jessica Ambers

Unique to Jessica Ambers until Level 35, at which point its Teachable version can then be learned and taught to the other Survivors

Impedance - You are filled with an unexpected energy when a nearby ally is imperiled. While you are within 12 meters of a survivor being carried, gain the Endurance status effect for 6 / 8 / 10 seconds. After being hit into the injured state, or if you are injured within 12 meters of a survivor being carried, gain the Endurance status effect for 10 seconds, being hit during this time will inflict deep wounds for 10 / 15 / 20 seconds.

Taking a hit during this time causes Exhaustion for 60 / 50 / 40 seconds.

This perk cannot trigger while exhausted.

(but the following effects will still trigger if you are exhausted from the instance)

“I stand and fight, for my beliefs and everyone I care about.” - Jessica Ambers

Unique to Jessica Ambers until Level 40, at which point its Teachable version can then be learned and taught to the other Survivors

Jessica is clad in a red tanktop and yoga pants, with white tennis shoes.

Don’t forget to check out my other Killers, The Reticent, The Houndmaster, and The Dancer

#dbd #dead by daylight #dead by daylight oc #my oc #my ocs #dbd oc

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queermequeeryou · 6 years

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chapter five

Waking up in this sunny, fresh-looking office of LaToya gave Mad very warm, pleasant feeling. The woman was still there and as she realised that Mad is also awake, she has started to think about her lack of make-up although last night they definitely got carried away with the alcohol so she did not have the power yet to just sneak to the toilet and get ready for the day. However, the good thing was that she has arranged her working space the way it looked really like a private suite and unless she did not let a person to the room by the call from her secretary, nobody would come in. That was actually the initial purpose of doing it so because as she was living with her niece, she did not maintain enough privacy to switch between her private life and the career. Anyway, she was feeling uncomfortable so she changed the position showing Leo her back. It was undoubtedly too soon for her to show herself without make-up. Mad took her hand and embraced her by the back in a very gentle, subtle way which surprised her quite a bit but she let her do this without a word. Leo kissed her palm and it was very charming. LaToya found herself feeling deeply moved by the emotional aspect of it all which she did not expect at all. “Good morning” said Leo and kissed her on the cheek. LaToya felt a strong need to just face her. Whatever. She will find another lover quickly so why she, the old, serious woman should fear to show herself as she was. She turned to her and smiled delicately which was something new to Mad. LaToya still could not stop being unsure of this gesture. “How are you?” asked Leo in a caring tone. “Strange” replied LaToya after few seconds. It was the first thing that came to her mind. “What time is it?” LaToya took a glance onto her electronic clock and she realised it was already 10 am. “Oh, shit. I have to get ready. Tone of work for today. I am wondering why Rhonda has not called yet. Her tone again was cold and professional. It was too much for her to be that private with somebody. She needed to put back her mask to feel comfortable again. She stood up looking for her satin robe but she could not see it. It was lying on the opposite site, near the bad. Leo handed her it and kissed her on the lips. LaToya did not respond. She just put on the rob quickly and tied it. Leo stood up as well staring at the older woman still feeling attracted to her which made LaToya feeling satisfied inside. “You look so gorgeous” said Mad and and kissed her again. LaToya could not believe she is still tempting for Leo as she did not have her make-up on. She let her tied out her rob so they could make love once more before she had to get ready to work. It felt so good.

* End of the sick leave still has not brought much solution for Leo. She was broken between leaving the university and staying there to teach. She was not able to see Paris anywhere on the corridors or at her lectures but it was nothing that she did not expect. She tried to get know what is with her from the fellow lecturers but nobody new a thing about it. Leo did not want to push on it to much because it was still just a few days so nobody saw much difference and the last thing she desired was to get the attention on her at this point. LaToya was not calling her for few days and she also needed time so she was not giving her a call neither. On Friday though she called her and Leo has spent another night at the office suite and they talked this time even more than fucked. Leo was getting used to spending her evenings and mornings like that. It was so good to wake up with this magnificent woman by her side. She wondered how long it will last.

* Many thoughts were streaming through LaToya’s mind. It was the first time in a while when she really cared about somebody else than her niece. She was deeply scared to trust anybody and that was also the case at this time. Leo was intelligent, elegant, young, she has had perfect body and she was treating her with respect and caring. She has never thought she will be sleeping with the other woman but it has all made sense to her already few years ago. She was never attracted with any man she slept with or not. At first, she thought it was because she has always met bastards who wanted something from her but without love or even respect but as soon as she opened herself to be attracted by women she found herself catching an eye on some that she was briefly seeing on the streets. Than, it came time when she has started sleeping with them and it was it. Even one night stands tasted better now and she has started to design her new suite in the office the way she could meet other women instead of going to their places all the time. Of course, her niece was not the one to know a thing. For her, she has never had any private life at all besides marriage with her ex-husband which was the worst man she has ever met and she met quite a few. After she has started dating with Leo it rapidly became very natural to her like she could do this every day and every night. They clicked well but she knew it was not going to last long. After a while she has realised she stopped spending as much time with her niece as she used to so she decided to fix it. All in all, it was the most important for her. So she gave up meetings with Mad for few days to stay in the house and just talk with Paris, cook something, play scrabbles with her. In the evening, her niece went to the kitchen to have some snacks while she was watching Netflix and LaToya was there, in perfect casual dress and make-up preparing herself a cup of coffee. “Hi, sweetie. Fancy some coffee as well?” “You’re not going out tonight, auntie?” “No, not today. The work is done so I am willing to spent some time with you tonight. What do you think about day, honey?” Paris sighed deeply feeling all the pain inside. She really needed her aunt to be there for her. “It would be great to have some coffee and little talk with you maybe” she said after a while and sat in the living room while their old cat Jefferson jumped on the couch and she petted him. LaToya brought two lattes to the coffee table along with some cookies. “So, how are you doing recently, my love?” she asked and took a sip from her cup. Paris was petting a cat for a little while hesitating to reply but after a moment she decided there is no better person in the world to speak to. “Auntie, I was in love, I think. I’m not sure but it was somethin’. You know. I felt for this person and it’s hard now ‘cause we broke up and I dunno what to do. I feel like shit, I didn't go to classes this week at all and that’s fucked up and silly I want to kill myself. I am miserable...” she cried for few minutes and laid her head on her aunt’s knees so she gently touched her hair and kissed her head. “Baby, I know it can be hard but you have all your life. You’re going to find a wonderful boy one time and you’re going to be incredibly happy, I promise you that” said LaToya but Paris resisted and sat down immediately. “Auntie, I’m not. There’s something else I have to tell ya. I’m gay. Gonna have a girlfriend and I was in love with other girl. That person was a she and I’m not gonna find a boy. Stop tellin’ me this shit about boy and what else? Kids or what? I’m sick n tired of it. That’s all fucked up. You’re never gonna get it, I know...” she was almost shouting full of tears but LaToya interrupted her. “Paris, I will get it. I don’t care if you’re going to be with a boy or with a girl. I love you as you were my daughter and I accept you as you are. Look at me.” she took her niece’s face into her hands and stared deeply into her eyes. “I will never ever disrespect you or leave you or disappoint you. You are my daughter now and you can trust me. You are the best thing that happened to me. If you will have a wife one day I just hope she will treat you with love and respect and that you will be happy with her. Nothing more really matters. Remember that. LaToya hugged her niece and kissed her on the forehead then gave her some tissues. That was relieving for Paris to just admit it all to her aunt and she finally felt better. She now she is understanding and that made her believe everything will be alright. They sat there til late hours not talking much more but laying close to each other, supporting themselves quietly and later, watching some Netflix together. LaToya was really thinking about telling about herself for the first time as well tonight but she managed to bury it inside again.

* The work on Mad’s book was going pretty well. They were almost ready to publish. Leo was happy about that but that was not the only important think in her life going on recently. She has finally decided to change the university. She applied to another one with a huge motivation to stay with occasional, part-time lectures on Spanish and to mostly focus on promoting the new volume - they planned a tour through the States where she was going to speak about Botswana and the book on some of the universities and colleges. It seemed like all finally has started to come back to its place but Leo still was having a feeling that she should rethink her values again. She did not know what is important for her again and she was lying to herself that it is not the right moment now to debate it. LaToya came back from the bathroom where she took a shower and came to Mad’s bedroom where she was reading “Demian” by Hermann Hesse. When the businesswoman took off her robe and focused on putting cream on her hands, Leo was deeply into the plot of this classic German writer’s story. LaToya came closer to Leo and just laid down without much speaking. The younger woman kissed her wrist. “You smell so good” she said and kissed her again, this time on the lips. LaToya pushed her back on the cushions like she was the one who wanted to dominate which was always a turn on for Mad who then took her to the other side and moved lower towards her underbelly. They were both trying not to think to much but they knew somehow it would be impossible to get back after the relationship they have developed. LaToya wanted so badly to just run away, get out of this because of strong emotions she was feeling but she could not do this. She put her hands on Mad’s neck while she moved with her kisses lower and lower. She has started to moan which was quite unusual for her. She wanted more. Leo was trying to blur, just disappear into her own uncertainties. She wanted to become numb so she could not feel or involve. How could she not fell in love with this impossible woman. She licked her insides with a great hunger trying to make breaks to make LaToya feel it deeper. She was already shivering and whispering her name while kissing her ear. Leo finished it with her hand massaging LaToya’s roughly and rhythmically which made her come and they both felt like it is pure emotion that just wet their bodies like a flow of something that they have never known. LaToya’s breath was coming back to normality. She went to her knees and found her mouth in between Mad’s legs. Leo was not sure if this way is how it was supposed to be. It seemed awkward to hell but she let LaToya interfere inside which made her eventually, sigh heavily at some point. Definitely not a usual turn of events for her. Mad kissed LaToya on her cheek and they laid down on the bed with layers of duvet stretched somewhere in between their hands, legs and backs. They both wanted to say something. They have fallen asleep instead.

#queer #lgbt #story #writer #queermequeeryou #lesbian

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pokefanbri · 4 years

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"Home is where the heart is" I dont have to tell you where that lies. But its only part of the pain. I know in my heart I'm a good person, but my life has been in shambles since I was young. Theres many like me, that dont deserve the life they were given & yet somehow persevere through it just to survive & try to be happy through the pain.

How I ask do I deserve not to be happy. I feel there was no justice for me, I was dishonorably discharged lol. I was truly happy where I was, but even if i were to travel place to place...that is also in my blood, not just the place I resided.

I was at home, I was at peace, I truly loved everyone there & every second. But do I dare go there again, absolutely in a heartbeat. But this is what kills me, Part of me says "this is your life now, accept it, push through even if u can't" the other part of me says that ill be white knighted with a bust through the door like the kool-aid man & he says "sike, yea i fucked it up & didn't realize I had something special, will u forgive me" 😅

But i know that could just be my imagination & im overthinking again. But where actually is my life headed? I have a good heart, i care so much about those thats affected me even in a bad way...but maybe that's God's love showing right through me, because I forgive easy & help those that need it. My brother says that a "helper" is equivalent to a partner in crime & all aspects, a soul mate. He throws the word around with this subject, but he's also trying to find his forever helper which he believes is the mother of his 1st born children. Thats great, given the right circumstances & if her situation was better, yea they could probably try.

For me, caring & trust is my biggest downfall. Because i do so much for others b4 myself, I end up taken advantage of or at least feeling like it. Even if its not the case, the wrong thats been done to me all my life..made me this way. I cant help that. And to find someone that I trusted fully, only to find out that I couldn't. That breaks a person like me down & actually hurts to the core. I didnt deserve that, but it was the disservice that was thrust upon me without a 2nd thought. I wasn't given the proper chance to love someone because they refused to love me back & yea most of the time it was about them...but thats a leo for ya 😅

When someone shares it mutually, everyone wins, you're complete, u have that "helper" you've been longing for all your life. The good times that were shared, the humorous banter, doing something for the other just cuz u can & cuz u want to, showing eachother off to friends & family like "yea thats my babe right there" as if to say they were happy u were there,the best friend & sidekick that everyone needs...it was all gone in a blink of an eye. Leading on my heartstrings, making me fall harder & harder, the friendship to the end even, all for nothing. But because of all the positives, thats what gets me, it's why my pain is so confusing. Why was it all like that if not on purpose whether for a positive reason I have yet to understand, to make it easier for them not to deal without regard for the others feelings, or cause God making me suffer more through it to make me stronger...when I thought I was done with low struggles already.

Idk man, I just dont understand. But because of what my life has been like over the past half of the year, all the positives makes me want more...because I never got all of him in the 1st place. I always wanted more because he held himself back & on purpose. So maybe it did seem like attachment, but only cuz I longed for the same feeling in return & didnt give up trying to find it..literally any sign of it. I was trying to figure his sweet ass out & learn what kind of person he really was lol, so I could accommodate to him more especially in the last weeks I was sweating my ass off 😆 I was dedicated so much I was willing to change what wasn't liked on the outside. Like I wanted to do so much to keep the best thing i had, cause deep down I knew his old feelings fizzled out quick & I just didnt understand & I still dont. I mean I guess I understand if he wasn't ready for a commitment? And that's fine, but he committed b4 & when I was brought there. What is it that was so wrong about me, that negative thoughts festered so much about someone it makes u think someone else is the problem, when its not the case at all.

Theres nothing i can think of, nothing else i could've done to show my worth, that I wasn't a waste of time. Maybe I pushed too hard? But in those last few weeks I gave space & focused on myself & my tasks at hand with so much more effort to have some kind of a chance, to save what was precious to me..save someone else that couldn't rise up on their own. & i blew it somehow. I was told i settled, but that was the point from the beginning that we both agreed upon. I think it was just that the other was getting comfortable with someone around & it scared em..to where they couldn't do all they wanted in life along with dealing with someone else at the same time. Or possibly felt 1 or the other wasnt good enough for the other & felt inadequate or unequiped. And searching for someone else to fill a void they already had at home, thats another thing that befuddles me. The last time I saw him, it didn't look or sound like he cared, avoided eye contact til he drove off & my heart sank even more as I knew it might be the last time I ever saw him. I was too pissed & in the heat of the moment flipped him off til he was out of sight, but after...i wanted to die right then & there but my best friend was there & we were on a deadline just as he was. If I were alone & my friend wasn't there, I'd be sobbing in that parking lot for hours til someone found me.

They, he, had it all but lost it due to their own negligence, in my opinion.

I mean come on whats not to like about me that didn't go hand in hand with what they were searching for.

The perfect heritage to match his (Templin Germany the 7th largest region) with some jew blood, same interests & hobbys, outlook on life, the lucky number, a good & gentle soul with a love for God. Passion for travel, soft spot for bald eagles, the dream of becoming a parent 1 day, intellectually & gamer gifted, both loves BLT sandwiches...because i da snack too 😏, both have the same middle name but spelled differently & 30yr olds with same hs class year, I have 3 hansome brothers & he has 3 beautiful sisters. I mean Dafuq? Lol. We're total opposites & literally residing NE to SW of the country, 1 grew up well the other not so much...yet we still were able to find eachother....somehow? Bro how about u try the other half of the yr here, 6 month equivalent & finish 2020 the right way huh lol BET 😂 oh man. A girl can dream though can't she?

I have a college writing level & training in business, musical theater, massage therapy (which was the fav), veterinary tech college training in hs, 7 years of choir under my belt since 5th grade including after hs in multiple churches & my choir teachers wedding. I Iove animals, likes to paint, great with technology, listen to music & sing along to every word almost exact, family oriented, a gaming & content creating wizard, passion for helping people, can organize & clean the shit out of anything, can be the boss when i feel the need as well as the spunk & charisma to push forward at any given task. I can multitask & can get shit done if I set my mind to it, if there's something or someone I need to feel purpose to be my best self, yea & if I'm accepted, that's purpose enough right there to get my ass moving.

Yea, jumbling alot of shit in my early life made me crack under the pressure but only cuz i really went over the top & burnt out. But ive relaxed alot since then & am treated for my ailments, ive learned to do things to pace myself now to prevent a psychosis from ever happen again.

Ive said this b4, there was 1 other that also broke up with me...1st time it ever happened the other way around mind u, was also a Leo.. shocker lol. After only 3 months & of me saying the L word too quick...it was what finally broke me, what added ontop of everything else. I was living in my own apt since hs & after school a yr later at 19..he lived in the same apt complex & worked where i did. We hit it off really well & loved talking to eachother at work, almost the same humorous & smart personality with a passion for gaming, dead ass great driver, skinny & ample where it counted, & yea also a weed enthusiast 😅 all of it pretty much the same as the recent one in my life. Honestly thinking about it now they probably would've been great friends lol. Thomas was his name, but I was in a relationship at the time of meeting him as well. But I didn't pursue anything til that relationship blew up in my face just cuz my current bf's grandfather was my boss & saw how well Thomas & i got along as friends, associated it with cheating, & that was that. Tom could be mine after all lol, chips fell into place on their own after he professed his feelings to me on his MySpace blog so damn smoothly lol 😂 Saying there was a girl he liked, i commented on it, he asked me out, that was trap lol, but it worked lol. The chemistry was 🔥

But yea, we had alot fun together & he was completely chill with me. But after it ended it set something off in me. Ended up in a psych ward for 2-3 weeks, little did I know he was worried sick & had no idea where i was or how to visit. I wasnt allowed to have my phone but the persons number I knew by heart, was the previous guy b4 tom, the chubby aloof dumbass that was my 1st love lol. Tom hated him with a passion cuz this dude wasn't a man that treated me fairly, pushed onto me by his family for me to take care of, shelter & feed him mooching off of me & taking advantage of a comfortable place to live at 1 point. When i was in the hospital, my 1st was the 1 to pick me up. When I got back from the hospital I learned of how tom was worried & he gave me a big hug. But by that point I was back with the 1st...somehow that happened & I actually don't remember what brought it on cuz my memory throughtout those weeks was dowsed in medication...but Thomas was the one heartbroken instead of me this time cuz he actually did want me back, the fact I took this other guy back over him, a person he despised...was terrible to him & he severed all ties, moved away. He broke up with me, technically it was okay as so i thought to see someone else regardless if it was an ex or not. i didn't know I had another chance at all.

But anyway, the difference between the 2 leo Ts, 1 let me in completely, cared about me as much as i did for him in same way & the L word too soon is what did it in for him after 3 months 🤷‍♀️ The other T well..unfortunately 1 sided for the most part despite how well we clicked, i was faithful & the other tried not to be after 3 months & hid things due to his own insecurities, pulling me along for another 3months when I didn't have to do jack for him at all after that point, but I did. I might've said the L word too soon with him as well idk. But because I'm a different person than I was then, there's no psychotic break...its just the depressed feeling of defeat with the mix of the longing i still have for him.

Wtf is it with T names & the number 3!? ffs! 😫 Briana Leigh Templin BLT, Bri Loves...whoever Tfuk 🤣

I cant write anymore today, I gotta leave tomorrow. My brother wants me to work for him instead & make more money, in a team that would be like in an office space, basically an assistant but making calls & checking in with clients within his real estate, solar, etc businesses.

But idk, I just got my foot in the door with something else. If I let go of that, for something that could or could not be bad for me, then what do I do? Neither of them sound any less stressful, bryans idea however earns more money & would have me dealing with stuff I like to do in regards to skills maybe? Idk man, idk. It'd a tough call.

My point in writing this, nothing accept to show how much I thought he was perfect for me, just as he originally thought about me. These are all thoughts going through my mind, get them out of my head. To talk openly the way I am, its therapeutic. But I miss him so damn much, not sure when this feeling will go away. I still love him & even dare I say trust him,even through his lying ass faults & idk why, i shouldn't but i do...thats the powerful effect he had on me. Still waiting on the last promise to be friends, im giving space, venting here instead of to him cuz i wouldn't want to be that much of an annoyance. I was going to include more but it'd be dark & negative,& im not about outing the worst in people especially if he was a good guy for the most part...no that wouldn't be right, probably deserves it to be honest..but no. I still wanna do right by him. That's all for now

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zarinthelwrites · 7 years

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Blooming from the Mud Pt. 8 (Bleach/DGM)

“You don’t even know where you’re going,” Kuchiki says, moving in front of him.

“You’re going to walk into a wall with your nose that high in the air,” mocks Kanda.

“You’ll trip over your own shadow with your feet so twisted,” Kuchiki snaps.

“You’re about to trip over the dog--” Kanda warns, just a second too late as Lizard darts out in front of the man and he goes sprawling.

Kuchiki scrambles to his feet, dusting off his clothes even though the entire Seireitei is cleaner than a hospital room floor.

“Why are the dogs even coming,” says Kuchiki, eyeing Lizard darkly.

“Why don’t you look where you’re going,” says Kanda, reaching into his new, convenient ration pack and giving the dog a treat. Fishbone whines a bit at not also receiving one, then turns to eye Kuchiki with a hopeful expression.

“No,” says Kuchiki, firmly. Then he wilts a bit as Fishbone’s eyes get wider and his tail starts to wag.

By the time that they arrive at the West Gate, Fishbone is happily munching on his own share of the rations. Kanda is expecting to have to summon whoever is in charge of lifting this particular waste of a door, but either Kuchiki is more influential than Kanda realized or no one cares who leaves the Seireitei, only who enters.

The end result is Kuchiki leading Kanda and the two happy dogs through a smaller, regular sized door cut to open from the inside. Kanda casually memorizes its position. This trip has paid off already.

The gifts just keep on coming as Kuchiki’s pace quickens the minute he enters the Rukongai. In addition, he hangs his head just a tiny bit forward, so his hair drifts forward in a shamefully bland attempt to hide his face.

“Avoiding someone, Kuchiki?” Kanda asks, lips twitching.

“You don’t know anything,” Kuchiki murmurs from the corner of his mouth. He draws himself stiffly up, pretending as if his previous attempt to hide his stature had never happened. “The Five Noble Clans of the Seireitei were each given the option of living within or outside of the Walled City, but only the Kuchiki and the Shihouin were courageous enough to leave behind their ancestral lands. The Shiba Clan chose to remain living in their territory, the first 3 Districts of the West Rukongai.

“Three Districts for one clan?” Kanda asks, amused but also nostalgic for the Chang Clan that had raised him in that place hidden from the sky.

“The Shiba Clan has a certain....specialty that makes many speculate that they would not...ah... do well in an enclosed space.”

“Claustrophobia?” Kanda suggests.

“Claustro--” Kuchiki blinks at him. “No, Kanda. Explosions.” An uncomfortable looks flickers over his face. “I dislike calling you so familiarly,” he added. “Give me your family name.”

“That is my family name,” Kanda snaps. His only family did not share the name, though. The scientists had not let him use Karma as his last name.

“Ah. Then what is your first name, then?”

“Fuck you,” says Kanda. “And fuck--”

“Hey look! I can’t believe it! Sojun Kuchiki, in the flesh,” a voice cries from the nearby town that they are having this argument directly in front of.

“Kukaku Shiba,” says Kuchiki, eyes widening in horror while his tone remains mild and polite.

The lady in question is wearing a red and white sleeveless robe that is very deeply cut down the front. The tattoo on her left arm only serves to make her wooden right arm more obvious. Both of her hands rest on her hips and she is grinning in a way that gives Kanda a sudden, visceral overlay of Allen in the midst of a prank gone horribly right.

“Dropped by unannounced for a personal visit, Sojun?” She winks at him. “You know that no matter how pretty you are, I’m truly only into the ladies~”

“Kukaku, your house moves,” Kuchiki points out almost plaintively. “It’s impossible for me to have just happened to arrive.”

“And yet you did!” Kukaku points out gleefully. “There I was, blowing up a pond, minding my own business,”

This lady definitely reminds Kanda far too much of his fellow Exorcists.

“When I spot you-- you, the hikikomori--”

“I am not a hikikomori--”

“And this brat--”

“I am not a brat--”

“Arguing, right in front of my own front door! The shock I felt! The wonder! The pure, concentrated joy so great that I could bottle it all up and set it on fire!”

“Please do not.”

“Aww, Sojun, I know you are just sad that I’m not available, but there’s nothing I can do about your habit of bottling up your feelings til they explode. My methods are much more fun. Anyway, what’s brought you away from your true beloved, your paperwork?”

“More paperwork,” says Kanda. He is going to need to just grap Kuchiki and run if this goes on for much longer. Getting sucked into the pace of someone like Kukaku Shiba is something that needs to be done quickly, or you end up binding yourself to them for all eternity or stupid shit like that.

Kukaku cracks up, sides shaking with laughter.

“That’s perfect,” she pants. “That’s the greatest thing I’ve ever heard. Though I wasn’t aware the 6th Division recruited brats.”

Kanda crosses his arms over his chest.

“I’m 11th Division,” he says, then grabs Kuchiki by the arm and bolts, dogs streaking behind him. Kuchiki may be chained by the requirements of manners, but Kanda sure as hell isn’t.

He doesn’t let up on the pace until they enter the 4th District.

“When it comes to people like that, you need to know when to cut your loses,” Kanda informs Kuchiki, willfully ignoring the fact that he has never once followed this advice in his long, terrible life.

“I was engaged to marry her when we were children,” says Kuchiki, sounding dazed. “Then her brother became the Shiba Clan head, and he broke it off.”

“Good for him,” says Kanda, not sure why he has to listen to this.

“She wants me to bring Byakuya out here so he can meet her.”

Kanda has no clue who this is. Who any of these people are, really.

“I’ve been holding out, but with the Shihouin Clan Lady exiled, he’s just been moping around the grounds, looking miserable. I don’t understand what was fun about playing tag with the Flash Goddess, but my son is a genius....”

Despite the fact that living with Allen had forced Kanda to grow inured to people whose explanations made less sense the more they explained, he had hoped he’d been done with that part of his life.

“He’ll be fine,” says Kanda, dismissing the entire explanation to the part of his brain he reserves for things only Lavi would care about.

“Yes,” Kuchiki agrees, returning to his more usual blank face mask. He stares forward towards the forest and sighs. “50 more Districts to go, then.”

Fishbone barks in agreement.

“We could always just fight more Hollows on the way,” Kanda suggests.

“Why would that help us go faster?” Kuchiki asks.

“We wouldn’t be bored,” says Kanda. “And Fishbone and Lizard need exercise.”

“Fishbone and Lizard,” Kuchiki repeats. “The dogs. Those dogs.” He points at them.

“Yes, those dogs.”

“Their names. Ah...seem a bit unfitting.”

“That’s what they looked like,” says Kanda.

“What they looked like.”

“Yes.”

“But now they look like dogs.”

“Yes.”

“And they always were dogs.”

“Yes.”

“I take back what I first said to you,” says Kuchiki abruptly.

Kanda can’t remember what Kuchiki first said to him, and can’t imagine it was that important.

“What?” He asks anyway.

“You do talk like a member of the 11th Division.”

Chapter Four: The Second Generation

As it turns out, Sojun Kuchiki could use shunpo. He couldn’t maintain it long enough to actually cut their travel time, but he could and did use it to avoid getting splashed the first time Fishbone and Lizard took their bath in the nearby river.

“Tch,” says Kanda. He’d known how far away to stand, but Kuchiki had been close enough that Kanda had hoped he’d fall in and get soaked.

“I do have a younger sister,” says Sojun dryly.

Every time Sojun bringings up something new about his family Kanda wants to take another step farther away. The only big family he’s ever dealt with were the Noahs. So far, Sojun has a father, a sister, and a son? While looking about 22. Though Kanda would be the first person to tell you that what age you look like in Soul Society doesn’t mean shit.

“People age in Soul Society, right?” Kanda checks.

This does the double duty of getting an answer and distracting Sojun from dodging away from the muddy dogs as Fishbone promptly dives in between his legs. This wouldn’t have caused Sojun to fall except that he was so worried about hurting the dogs that he’d rather fall over than chance kicking them. It never gets old.

“Yes, people age,” Sojun says, giving up on getting back up from the muddy ground and instead petting Lizard and trying to prevent the dog from licking his zanpaktou. “You’re the type that retains memories from when you were in the Living World, correct?”

Kanda nods.

“Souls like you tend to age based on two variables. Memory milestones, and reiatsu. Reiatsu above a certain level can slow the aging process to an unbelievable degree-- some of the Captains are over 1,000 years old, easily. And then there’s...ah..the milestones. I’ve only seen this happen once, mind you. When someone I knew was reunited with their wife, who had survived them by... almost 30 years, I think it was. It seemed like they had aged years over night. They told me later...it was as if the world was only truly real for them once she was there with them.”

The food here tastes like dust.

“There’s a long way to go,” murmurs Kanda. When he was truly nine he had dreamed of being so alone, so free. How fitting, that he would know of that freedom only to miss his clanking chains.

“You’re so urgent, Kanda,” Sojun says gently, lightly jumping back to his feet. “We’re halfway there already!”

Kanda blinks away the lotus flowers hiding behind his eyes.

#bleach #dgm #please tell me about your reactions i want to know

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