#its genuinely such impressive writing and i kill this bitch i dont like! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

vaguely-yandere · 2 years

Note

reading your (amazing) writings got me thinking about like, a fuckboy/playboy(? im sorry idk the gn word for this? slut maybe lmao?) yandere who’s rich, doesn’t even need to study, always gets to any party where they can get some action. they never had a romantic relationship before bc they thought it was just stupid and unnecessary foreplay. basically everyone is either horny for them or hate them.

so imagine their surprise when they see their (future) darling staring at them while they were talking to their friends. yan thinks they’re cute enough and talks to them, starts flirting their darling up and when they ask what darling finds attractive about them they start listing things like “your smile, its really pretty” or “you’re so smart, and you’re fun to be around” instead of something about how their body looks sexy or some shit they always get instead.

this leads to confusion, because someone never acted like this for yan before. how were they supposed to react? that moment was when their heart truly skipped a beat because of someones words, their darlings words felt so warm and genuine it made them shiver.

id also like to think theyd have a huuuuugeeee ego, also really possessive. but once they get close to their darling or just see them they turn into a golden retriever type, ready to do anything and everything, kill anyone and everyone for you.

sorry if its not comprehensive its 3 am, i dont have my glasses on and im just really excited after reading ur writings 🧍‍♂️

broski. i love this.

just an absolute player (i think???) of a yandere and uber rich (LOVE yanderes with money) and a massive slut

one night stands every night, always getting their ego stroked, always sexualizing themselves and others and then they meet... you <3 you compliment their smile, their laugh, the things they say, everything and it makes them completely fall for you and when you refuse to have sex with them because theyre obviously drunk and well, you're an ethical person, that just makes them want you more.

finding you is easy, throw enough money at a problem and itll solve itself. and being a rich socialite is hard and they completely lack in the 'social' part so they just.. show up. work, school, where ever and follow you around, questioning you and if anyone makes you do something, the brattiness comes out.

"y/n! you were suppose to finish this ages ago! would you please stop talking to your friend and get to work on this? c'mon! we can't keep letting you slack off!"

"ah, sorr-"

"no, no, who is this? who are you? you know what, i dont care, you are no longer important to me, leave." they make a shooing motion, turning back to you with a smile. "you wanna go shopping? have lunch? travel? anything you want, its on m-"

"hey! you cant just ignore me! im gonna have to ask you to le-"

the yandere turns around, standing at their full height to properly glare at your boss/teacher. "cut me off again and i will cut out your tongue." they snap their fingers, summoning the person thats always following them around. "escort whoever the fuck this is out, im talking to someone and theyre being a bitch."

as the curses and yells of your boss/teacher rapidly fade, the yandere turns back to you, grinning. "so! did you decide yet?"

ohhh, i hope you love getting spoiled because this socialite will do it constantly. food, jewelry, perfume, clothes, companies, electronics, anything you want? its yours as long as you keep giggling when they say stupid shit.

and just imagine how cute they look when they see you! beaming, glowing with love, desperately trying to impress you all of the time, just so so cute! and if you praise them, i can already see them struggling to hide their moans of pleasure and spend the rest of the day on cloud nine

if you work, theyll get you fired so you can spend all your time with them. if you go to school, theyll get enrolled to or enroll you in online classes and you will rarely spend a moment without them at your side, willing to do absolutely anything for you.

now, i dont think this yandere would be possessive like others! they demand others to praise you, to compliment you, acknowledge you constantly and appreciate your beauty but one wrong comment and theyre tied up in a guest house, being hunted like a drugged up tiger. they post pictures of you near constantly, showing off how amazing you are, forcing everyone to basically bow to your feet and yeah, they get a bit culty with it sometimes but hey! it could be worse!

#socialite yandere #yandere x y/n #asks #yandere #yandere scenarios #yandere imagines #yandere x you

430 notes · View notes

elytrafemme · 2 years

Note

hi mare :D hope you're doin well! i abandoned my homework to read this chapter and i will say that every time i do this it proves to be a much better decision than actually doing my homework

CS!BENCHTRIO CHAPTER LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOO

these are some of my favorite dialogue lines ever i think, im literally fucking dying /pos and i know that im about to put so many here but i dont care cause i need them all in one concentrated spot, even if it makes things a little out of order.

"What's the point of even having him over then? He's our little baker boy. Our little bread man. Life is worthless."

"Ranboo doesn't play the drums, he is not my Little Drummer Boy, but he can be my Boy."

"The Depression Boys! Tommy and the Depression Boys! We write songs about depression and girls, still. Maybe the girls have depression, too."

"I know, but it is okay. me and my many wives all take Prozac."

"Who is, uh," Ranboo pauses. "Who is Matt?"

"My wife."

"... Okay."

"What are you two feeling right now? Tell me your feelings. I am a licensed clinical therapist. What is the worst thing that has ever happened to you?..."

"You say long words, but they cannot hurt me, bitch!"

i love cs!tommy with my whole heart. he is so fucking stupid and he means so much to me.

also for the thousandth time, you are so good at writing c!tommy. like you genuinely give him the most accurate dialogue i've ever seen with it all still being original, and i really enjoy that. it's incredibly impressive.

this dead phone business is a little suspicious if you ask me.. i sense a callback in my future...

"Tubbo was my boy. Then I kidnapped him and now he is my brother."

CS!CLINGYDUO :((((((((

"Ranboo just has an infectious sort of happiness. It's sort of rare to see, Tubbo's gathering. But, well. Tubbo would like to see that sort of all the time on Ranboo. Happiness is a good look for him."

what if i cried

no but actually to elaborate just a little, watching the development of their relationship is absolutely wonderful, as is watching each of them wish for the other one's happiness and overall wellbeing. the whole "he deserves it all" kinda thing, and then also in that way, sort of acknowledging that they're important to each other. its kind of excruciating at times cause its usually preceded or immediately followed by a moment of self-deprecation, but it's still super enjoyable.

ALSO! also. them both trying to put a name to their feelings. i eat that shit up every goddamn time. they don't know what it is yet but I DO. i do. cs!beeduo my beloveds, you are both so repressive and also slightly ignorant but i love you both still

"Tubbo, I am going to kill you," Tommy says, heavily breathing for emphasis.

"I'll tear your bones from your flesh tonight!" Tubbo replies cheerfully.

ah i love wii sports <3 it really brings out the best in everyone, doesn't it?

"... Anyway. Two, Techno told me I croquet 'okay' sweaters, ..."

UMM??? DOES TOMMY CROCHET IN THIS FIC?????? that's genuinely my favorite c!tommy hc of all time. I need to know if this means he does crochet. this is vital information.

okay something i noticed, in like three or so consecutive paragraphs, Tubbo uses the phrase "and everything" when narrating. i was wondering, was that intentional to indicate that he's picked up some of Ranboo's mannerisms, or is it just because you've picked them up from cc!Ranboo (i've done that too so i won't fault you for it if its the second one lmao)?

holy shit mood change

fuck.

i don't have any idea what to say about the Quackity and Tubbo phone call. im still reeling from it honestly. the buildup was incredibly well-written. like the way it was presented and everything. absolutely stunning.

also i was fucking right about the dead phone, but apparently it was at the cost of Tubbo's emotional and mental wellbeing.

also, dear tumblr user mare nightmare-rivulets, if you hurt my boy over this for too long i will ensure that you meet your inevitable demise.

anyway! fantastic chapter as per usual. you never cease to amaze me and also i know i am just a silly little person on the internet but i would like to take the time to say that i am proud of you. just kinda for continuing cs and everything, posting a chapter even if you're nervous about it, etc. it's something that a lot of people really enjoy and i know that that can be incredibly intimidating. well done.

i think i've missed a few things but honestly its fine, i made this one incredibly lengthy cause i felt the need to put every quote from the fic in here apparently, but know that i loved all of this chapter, even the parts i didn't mention.

i hope you have a wonderful rest of your day/night/whenever you read this, and as always, i'm looking forward to the next chapter :)

HFJHFHJFD HOMEWORK IS IMPORTANT BUT ALSO... i do put off like an hour of time to post CS instead of doing my hw so i can't blame you very hard can i?

YES <333 IT'S YOUR BOYS!

your love for cs!tommy makes me so happy. he's my Guy like i would walk through hell for him. he's everything to me. and he's so fucking stupid but so kind and so funny and i just love him i'm so glad i can write him and that people like him

i really really appreciate that; all of what i said still standing, cs!tommy has become one of the hardest to write despite being the easiest in terms of dialogue and the like. i'm glad that i'm doing a good job with him, it means so much.

you are too smart for my foreshadowing huh

HEHE I'M SO GLAD THAT LINE GOT TO PEOPLE!!! i have this specific weak spot (which this chapter displays twice) of characters who are not technically siblings calling each other siblings. which happens a lot with cs!clingyduo but just... i am weak for it. my cousin called me his sister once and i think i never recovered and bam 100k words later JDFHHJFjhf

the dramatic irony of watching cs!beeduo try to interpret their relationship is both agonizing and emotional. i feel like a proud parent whenever they get slightly closer to identifying it but then they get scared because they don't want to fuck this up and ultimately to them the friendship is more important than discovering what lurks underneath which already says a lot, but they just get so terrified of exploring their feelings. something that will continue to pop up in both of their POVs is that there is this very real fear in the face of trauma to make any other part of your life unstable. this hits cs!ranboo especially in a lot of ways including this, but for both of them, they don't want to risk losing something stable when they have so little left.

THEY'RE SO COMPETITIVE LMFAOOOO my family is NOT this competitive so idk the experience but like. really had something possess my body as i wrote it

OKAY I'LL BE HONEST I. i think that i wrote in him crocheting because i knew you liked the hc + other people had talked about it with c!tommy but i don't. know anything about it or like. remember even writing it in? but yes i think after a certain event in his life cs!tommy took up crocheting as something to cope with and keep his hands busy :]

i wish i was that clever with it but unfortunately no i just pick up ranboo's dialogue FDJHFDHJ it's absolute hell trying to differentiate their prose sometimes but that's such a good catch :] missed it in editing but ya!

i want you to know your single "fuck." gave me the best possible serotonin rush because that is genuinely what i wanted the response to be. seeing people saying "what the fuck" and "Oh my God" to the ending of the chapter is the best thing i could have asked for honestly

thank you for the compliment! thank you also for the threat but i assure you i have like 5 targets on my back at the moment cs!tubbo will be okay! eventually <3 i still got, what, 27 chapters left?

thank you so so much always liv <3 this is so so kind it means the world to me. thank you for these little asks. they mean more than u know

#nightmare.ask #liv tag <3 #nightmare.cough-syrup #cough syrup spoilers #long post

3 notes · View notes

relictraveler · 3 years

Text

hmmmmmm. thinking about b5 today. i think its like the closest to My Tastes Exactly a tv show will likely ever get but heres some points i think it couldve stood to improve. under the cut because its long as hell and so i dont spoil my friend whos watching it with me still lol. feel free to come and yell with me in the notes

love all the characters but i feel like jms had too many to fulfill too many specific plot functions. he really should have combined some and it wouldve fixed the issue of so many characters having to choose between complex inner psyche development and actually contributing to the plot. specifically i feel like marcus’ plot/dev could have been given to lennier and explained away as something he simply hid or was under oath to hide from everyone else. it wouldve cut down too the time jms needed to introduce marcus and used it to flesh out lennier and potentially other characters. love the british bastard to death but it was the best option i think. also ivanova should have been given the “telepathic equivalent of a nuke” plot after talia left. some kinda hand wave excuse where she gives her the ironheart powers. lyta i think has the issue of having literally no relationship with any main character at all besides zack which gives her the impression of being totally seperate from the rest of the show except when they need her to do telepath things. ivanova getting the plot instead fixes this issue. giving it to ivanova would have given her more depth to explore beyond her traumatic past relationships and more to do in the plot beyond being the commander when sheridans away

franklin got some amazing fucking development in season 3 but god with the s4 compression he got to do fuck all for the main plot beyond being an errand boy with marcus. i think the easiest solution would have been to let his dad be a major contender on earth’s side of the war. it doesnt need to be a huge facet i get that they were pressed for airtime trying to fit two seasons into one. even just a few scenes where franklin struggles with it wouldve been a huge boost for his character

i havent seen this part of s5 in like 6 years but god. garibaldi’s ending in s5 fucking sucks. i feel like jms accidentally wrote himself into a corner giving garibaldi a visible family in sleeping in light, operating under the assumption it was a quick character wrap up and he wouldnt have to develop it more, but then whoops s5 happens and now he was to write in how garibaldi famous rebel and wildcard somehow settles down into a nuclear family. in my perfect world his ending would have wrapped up either one of his two biggest plot threads, neither of which the edgars industry ending really addresses: his relationship with sinclair or his relationship with the psycorps. i am more inclined toward the sinclair one because its simply a huge facet of his character jms never addresses and we never let garibaldi deal with the on-screen grief of having his best friend, the reason hes even on b5, the one who gave him a second chance at life, abandon him without a proper goodbye. this might get into fanfic territory but god i would have loved to see a subplot where as hes going through the trauma of bester’s influence he throws himself into figuring out how to go back in time with sinclair. ending with him finally reconciling with that trauma and going into the time rift with a tearful goodbye to everyone else. other option here also would just be to resolve the psycorps issue instead. i havent thought about this one too much but i imagine it would just be a mercenary arc where he systemically destroys the psycorps from the inside out and it ends with him inflicting some ironic fate worse than death onto bester as revenge fro the internal block preventing garibaldi from killing him outright

s5 main plot in general was shit i genuinely dont think any part of it was good enough to justify its presence beyond maybe like one or two episodes. telepaths got enough development and moral quandry episodes throughout the 4 seasons we did not need byron’s vampire diaries ass. also dont care for the centauri arc there we already know the ending and londo is literally already the most developed bitch on the show he didnt need a whole half season arc seeing unnecessary build up to the character ending we've already known about since war without end. i appreciate what s5 is trying to do because so few stories deal with the aftermath of the main plot like b5 does here but we couldve gone a different route. im not claiming to know what the correct answer here was but personally i think the bureau 13 thread would have been interesting. u know that thing sheridan brings up randomly in s2 and its such an interesting thing to his character and we literally never see it again. yeah i think bringing up a secret evil society within earth gov/psycorps after we dissolve the current gov would have been a really interesting plot. a narn arc independent of the centauri also would have been interesting. idk i know jms was burnt out as hell and i appreciate the character dev we did get in s5 so im not too cranky about it but god the potential

#personal

1 note · View note

macklives · 5 years

Text

homestuck recap

i hated this so fucking much bc my 2 am bitch-ass didnt want to read a recap thats probably longer than any slowburn out there

anyways here it is

also, uhhH sorry im using this as a end of session discussion bc that shit gets explained in her as well. and im not writing up more recaps of a recap so this is where im done for the day. (by done for the day i mean last nights session, im still doing a liveblog soon. i just wrote this yesterday)

also that this is long

you dont have to read it, theres nothing of importance

ive been coping with humor to get me through it

neato.

have fun with what i suffered through:

why was “beta” the only thing unhighlighted?

like did i miss a page???

OH its the beta version of HS thats why

damn its like 5 pages and thats it

mmh

well youll all be happy to know im clicking every single one of these links again bc i like looking back like ahh i remember that. good times. also in case i forgot some shit existed.

do you think andrew had fun writing this? or was he like “fuck”

thats a lot of fucking package talk. good thing im not confused as of now and remember it pretty clearly. of else, this early on in the recap, id be screwed.

god remember when i did an analysis on each item and what it did

i feel as if i have the technology engrained inside my head right now

cruxite, alchemeter, all that jazz

flashbacks are starting up already

yeah, that was the good part in homestuck where i knew 100% that i probably would continue on this liveblog in its entirety, ngl

that one explosion scene. bc it kept me going.

OH W A IT SHIT

i just realized how the intermission spades probably fucking foreshadowed the whole jack revolts thing and gains the ring, which was also technically JOHNS fault considering he slashed up the doll in the first place

my god, i guess thats the only good aspect of the recap. looking back at things and realizing the missing pieces.

oh that makes sense for the whole “this prototyping had no effect on the enemies, since he was already in the medium” i didnt actually think about that

little did rose know where that would get her right now

oh yeah

there’s still the whole entire lab terminal thing and how mom basically knows the place exists. i guess we’re still venturing onto that and itll come up later when we find out how mom knows SO MUCH about the game.

still think shes some weird spy or secret agent

i kinda love her ngl

anyways, theres literally no reason for skaia to produce a cloning machine. so technically, they only sent the meteors in, right? so who put the cloning machine in if not mom?

oh yeah that impact was nerve wrecking asf

and still at this point in the comic i called dave fuckboy red

huh, how times change

i hated reading that whole paragraph ngl, the frustration just kicked me in the boobs again

yeah nobody else got tornadoes, huh?

OH that makes also much more sense

bc she did prototyped them before she entered the medium.

i gotcha

man one of my favorite edits i made, rose hitting that meteor with a bat

are you

telling me

the exiles structures they arrived on were in the form of the items the kids used to enter the medium?

THE EGG

THAT EXPLAINS “EGG”

of course it was 413 years ago. that was never explained. simply vague “many years in the future....” but i expected no less from this

man serenity is the most wholesome character in hs no doubt

damn thought andy here was really gonna spoil us jade’s planet

okay cool, im glad i now have the layout to the whole “their stations went to the coordinates of the home button” shindig

man i honestly dont know what else to say besides “yeah cool recap” when i already pretty much know what went down? ofc im looking into each link and shit and adding in things when i see fit, but otherwise its just me going “ah good times” yknow

the whole meteor thing kinda makes sense now?

we’re still missing a few pieces of info but we’re getting there, folks

oh yeah that reveal

god jade and dave have it in the shits for parents huh

bro isnt the best and jade has a fucking dog

who lowkey

is doing better than bro

who knew a fucking dog is a better guardian than bro lmfao

dreambot = terminator. im telling you.

sorry im still on that idea and it will never leave unless i have the actual proof in front of me that its not going to become a thing. meaning, ive finished hs and theres still no terminator dreambot or either andrew himself gives me a canon letter with “the robot is not arnold, mackenzie, pls just let it be”

why is the entire game session highlighted

i swear to god if this is like to a second recap or smth of the whole game session i may fucking CRY

okay thank god its just a design of the skaia layout

which is honestly cool

idk why its blurry tho but i can at least see the layout now. which is honestly how i pictured it anyways.

yeah, john did make a huge impact in his friends’ life and i find that so fucking touching

yep. got that. everything loops around. cool.

especially when the trolls come in. god we havent even gotten to that recap portion yet, we havent even gotten to the INTERMISSION

pls can this be the halfway point to the recap

AT LEAST

so they were exiled after the whole jack: ascend thing, right? considering theyre way in the future. man no fucking wonder.

speaking of jack

man that whole dad and jack interaction was gold, ngl

OH THAT EXPLAINS THE RING THEN

and wow, andrew’s really giving us the best female content huh. andrew is the true god of equality and diversity.

also hey, i didnt realize that wow. so PM tricked the queen in showing the parking ticket to be able to take the present from jack. she’s a smart cookie, that one..

she and PM basically snitched on jack and it was the best thing that has happened to me so far

oh yeah okay

but why did AR panic over bec? bc thats something we havent learned yet, right?

anyways

exile town, the only town which should exist. facts. i dont make the rules.

noice

i love PM being queen. like.. thats canon now. shes an actual queen.

yeah that was a fun game and the consorts were cute

fuck yeah the dick head

hate them even more now that i know john was killed because of them

anyways, i wonder what dick move dave’s denizen did? maybe thats why its filled with lava bc the denizen was like “fuck it. make the land red. kill them all”

UH WHAT

WHAT

OH MY GOD HOW DID I JUST FORGET NANNAS LETTER LIKE THAT LMFAO

THEIR TITLES WERE THERE THE WHOLE TIME!

so i still dont know what they mean but i can gather it has something to do with the game giving them abilities. considering dave is the “knight of time” and he can go back in time. whack.

which means john can either control someones breathing or simply wind. and rose is... like that one girl in the winx club who does the sun shit. bc whenever i think of light powers, i think of stella.

and jade is space. witch of space.

nice

i have no idea what that means ngl

okay finally

we’re at the trolls

maybe this recap will end soon

i remember when i thought they were internet bullies

yesss

someone asked if i basically knew the trolls were on a different veil than the kids, so not presently with them, and i know lol. i was making a joke before btw. jsyk. dont think im incompetent to forget these things when sometimes i choose to forget it so i can add in a joke

it be like that, i annoy many

then again, pls dont assume im trying to say im not incompetent bc im also a fucking dumbass and DO forget shit and i have no excuse

imagine being so bored on the meteor, your last resort is speaking to aliens

ngl me if i was ever trapped on a meteor and could potentially do that

nah ik its bc its their only hope at helping with their session or whatever tf CG said to john. but there was BOUND to be a conference meeting between them like “okay guys. humans. that needs to be sorted out” and you just hear CG screaming in the background

i cant wait to meet them honestly bc im growing on all 4 of the ones we’ve seen already. and on top of that, i know what they look like and i know theyre not THAT bad, just a little on the crayy zee side sometimes

but theyre trying

OH MY GOD

I GET IT

FUCK

DOES THAT MEAN THE INTERMISSION IS *APART* OF THE MAIN FUCKING STORY??

AND SPADES IS WV FOR THE TROLLS

GOD D A M N

wow

i didnt expect that. but maybe the signs were there and i was just willingly choosing to ignore it or smth bc “haha couldnt be, right”

flashbacks to how i thought the trolls were humans

anyways, i guess he got his revenge on the kids version of “snowman” ie the black queen. but really

he did not have to do that. he could have cut off the finger and fled. but he decided “nah, lets implode her” so the loml is dead and all i got was a catchy song

i knew they were different types of “bullies” but now i just have to replace bullies with uhh

trolling strategies

anyways, this is cute. i love how they’ve come to be friends through mutual frustration. good part in the comic.

i wonder why it explodes

more importantly

....

terminator time?

this was my favourite sequences of dialogues in the whole entirety of homestuck. that is to say the back and forth thing that the kids went through to become a sort of wingman for the other.

absolutely gold.

all except AT’s rap.

GC was the only smart one with the linear shit

anyways fuck he still has to kill the denizen now but apparently its hard to beat for a sleeping dick head so

that will be fun for the future

john will probably need to kill A LOT of imps to get there

yeah rose is a badass bc she slayed that thing with needles of all things

OH and the white queen was the cursive

damn did AR ever do the whole guide process to a kid yet? maybe he will with dave, idk

oHHH

i fucking SEE

thats why he said DNA

to use it and replace all the life forms in the ocean

fucking neat wow

man that sounded sarcastic but im genuinely impressed bc all i got was bullshit as i read jaspersprites log

so thats the secret. it was “meow” bc that somehow translates to the genetic code she needs then. and that code apparently took fucking years to write as well. sick. whack. oh man.

derse is very pretty, ngl

and wow shit

“dave had already been awake in his tower all along without realizing it” how tf does someone just

do that, awake in both places at once

i didnt even fucking realize that fact as i read that pesterlog wow

ah yes, around the time things got confusing

okay so the capsule makes sense bc at first i didnt know it was a fucking time capsule so i got confused as to how it just apparated the game lmfao

the more you know i guess *twinkle*

i find that a neat concept tho

like the whole whatever you prototype affects the imps and shit

yeah so that whole “he had no advice” basically impacted his future

no shit dave wanted to reset things bc he probably thought he caused some sort of bad butterfly effect and killed his best friend

fuck calsprite thats all im gonna say

i read that first sentence and i think i got an aneurysm

and then everything else just made me sad again

i mean good thing he fucking did amirite?

we got pain at first but now we got cool shit like idk

fucking DAVESPRITE

damn idk how that works

will rose have like two minds now? or will this be some steven universe fusion shit?

“and understood their meaning” course well i fucking didnt so could you pls elaborate, rose?

okay but then what the fuck did he use that was inside the fucking box

bc i thought he used his knife?

im only every going to refer him as that now, thank you andrew

alright okay..

god that was a lot

i dont know what will happen once i click on those links but i am going to see that for myself bc i refuse to add ANYTHING ELSE

81 notes · View notes

anastasiaskarsgard · 5 years

Text

TO THE ANON THAT ASKED FOR A SMUTTY CHEATER BILL STORY HERE YA GO. I INITIALLY DELETED THE REQUEST BECAUSE I DONT CONDONE CHEATING BUT THEN I THOUGHT, ITS FAN FICTION. NO ONE TAKES IT SERIOUSLY AND IVE GOTTEN A FEW REQUESTS FOR THIS SO HERE YA GO.

Here’s part 1: https://anastasiaskarsgard.tumblr.com/post/188138288236/this-is-a-really-involved-request-so-im-breaking

And here is PART 2

Warning!!! Smut 18+ mature content.

As we pulled into the parking lot, everything hit me at once. I had literally witnessed my dog get murdered, the man I thought was perfect was Satan himself, I have no belongings, I don’t know anyone but Randi here. But then I remembered all the good like I was free, I’m not dead, I have the best friend in the whole world, I already found a job and got paid a lot for basically getting to be near the hottest guy ever and there’s photographic evidence, and literally the world is my oyster. I even get to go to Canada! Hayden Christensen lives there! I look over at Randi and can’t help but laugh when I see her sassy face. She is not a fan of feeling sorry for yourself. “Sorry, I’ll stop. They’re happy tears! I swear! I’m so happy I have you, and we’re going on this adventure. I’m just grateful.”

“Wow. Don’t cry Bitch. You’ll fuck up your make up.” my best friend joked.

I chuckled, and gave her a hug, then stood straight out of the car and let her lead the way to see if everyone had gotten a table together in Mortons.

We found everyone taking their seats. I took the closest open seat next to the photographer and Randi sat between Andy and Bill across from us. I didn’t want to look at Bill and have Randi give me shit, so I read the entire menu like 3 times to avoid looking up. We all ordered, and then Andy had the idea for everyone to introduce themselves:

“Ok since everyone is from all over the place, let’s do a fun little ice breaker. I’ll start. My name is Andy, I’m from the beautiful country of Argentina and I’m a Director as I’m sure you all know, let’s be more original, I know! Name your fear! I’m afraid of drowning.”

“My name is Randi, I’m from Kalamazoo Michigan, I’m an artist and I’m afraid of flying.”

“Ok hi everybody! I’m Bill, I’m from Stockholm Sweden, I’m a human and I’m afraid of being alone.”

I giggled like an idiot, froze and looked over at Randi, who was smiling at me, shaking her head. Dammit.

“My name is Barbara and I’m Andy’s sister, and I am afraid of creepy crawly things.”

“I’m Maria from Brazil, I am photographer and I fear bad lighting and flaky models. Thank goodness for Liv appearing like magic and save the day.” She smiled at me warmly and squeezed my hand.

I felt everyone’s eyes on me, and could feel my heart pounding in my chest. I couldn't bear to look at Bill or Randi, so I stared down in my lap and could feel my face heating up. “I’m Liv from Las Vegas, I guess I’m a model for now and I’m afraid of being a failure, velociraptors, roller coasters, centipedes and public speaking.” I chuckled uncomfortably. I ramble when I’m nervous.

“I’m afraid of velociraptors as well,” Bill laughed. “Jurassic Park ruined me as a child.”

Everyone laughed heartily at Bill’s expense but I felt appreciative of him making my ridiculous fear seem more credible and drawing attention away from my obvious nervousness. I snuck a peek at him and he winked at me playfully.

I didn't know what to think of this beautiful man. My initial reaction to him had been negative. He seemed like every other snobby Hollywood type, complete with crazy girl problems, but as the day progressed, he surprised me over and over with how genuine he seemed to be.

As lunch went on, Randi and Maria were talking technical terms, so Bill and I looked at each other and just smiled and shrugged our shoulders. It wasn't like we were being ignored, just everyone except us was wrapped up in their own conversations. I was content with that too, but then an ice cube flew into my cleavage.

My eyes shot open and I observed a very amused Bill trying to contain his laughter but not doing a very good job.

”I promise I’m not an asshole. I have just been trying to get your attention since we got here. So how long you been in LA?” He asked me like i was the most interesting thing he’d ever encountered.

”What time is it? Less than 24 hours.”

His eyes went wide and he choked on his drink a bit, then began to laugh at himself . ”wow, and you already booked a major job? Who is your agent? Are you an actress or just gorgeous... I mean a model.”

”you are super smooth Bill. I’m kidding! Don’t pout you’ll get wrinkles.” I had to give him some shit. “I don’t have an agent because I don’t have any interest in fame at all.”

He looked impressed by that for some reason. ”so what brought you here?”

”Randi is my best friend, and I needed a change of scenery.” I said making sure to avoid eye contact. I knew I was just being paranoid, but I felt like he could look into my soul, with the intensity he was looking at me with. I’m a terrible liar, so I’m convinced if I look at him, he’ll see I’m not being honest. I didn't want to mention the literal hell id escaped to be here.

I could still feel his gaze on me, and I caught Andy looking between us with an unreadable expression. He's a director so he probably can read people really well.

Shit. I’m probably just being my normal neurotic psycho self. No one probably gives two shits about me, and this is all in my head. These people are famous and successful. I’m just another one of the millions of girls that they encounter in LA.

Maria tapped my shoulder. “Hi honey, can you switch seats with your friend? I want to show some my work?”

I smiled and agreed, but the butterflies in my stomach were going crazy as I took my seat by Bill. He was texting so I got my phone out to play a game or two. Suddenly I felt Bill’s leg press up against mine. I looked over at him, but he just continued with his phone, but was clearly smirking. Just then The food arrived and I was famished, so all other thoughts were abandoned.

“Wow! You eat real food!” Andy exclaimed.

“Oh it’s not fair! Liv has always eaten whatever she wants and doesn’t gain a pound.” Randi whined.

I blushed feeling all the attention on myself again. I wanted to fade into my surroundings like a chameleon. “I like to eat.”

I looked at Bill and he was off his phone but I could tell he was watching me as he ate.

“What?” I asked finally, when he didn’t stop looking at me.

“You’re very interesting.” He said.

“How?” I scoffed.

“Well for starters you’re drop dead gorgeous but you don’t like being the center of attention. Am I right?”

“I wouldn’t go with drop dead gorgeous, maybe conventionally attractive. There’s not really anything wrong with me, but there’s nothing to write home to your mother about either.”

He chuckled. “See? There you go again. You’re humble and funny too.”

I could feel my face burning so I excused myself to go use the restroom, but Bill said he’d show me where it was since he needed to smoke and make some calls.

I was fully aware where it was, but agreed and figured I’d let him show me. He turned before we reached the bathroom and he opened a door that appeared to almost blend in to the wall, revealing a very plush, luxurious bathroom with a large vanity.

“Oh my gosh is this like the Secret VIP potty?” I asked. I had always heard about secret lounges and VIP cool stuff so I was ecstatic to actually see one. I probably seemed like such a dork but I didn’t care.

“Something like that.” He said following me inside and locking the door behind him. I turned around to tell him there only appeared to be one toilet, when he took a couple steps and closed the distance between us and kissed me, pinning me against the wall.

He pulled back and looked down into my eyes, “I’ve wanted to do this since I saw you.” He said deepening the kiss again.

I stepped aside to move out from under him and caught my breath. “Your girlfriend though!”

“It’s over with her. It’s been stale a long time” He said as he wrapped his arm around my waist. “Don’t worry, I'm sick of her. I much rather have you. Do you have a boyfriend?” He pulled me against him again and my God the man was so good looking.

“Nope. I’d have kicked you if I did, I’m not a cheater.” I couldn’t believe his lips were on me. I tried to think and get ahold of myself and be rational, but as he kissed down my neck and groped my breasts, it was getting hard to remember why this wasn’t the best idea ever.

“. Listen, you’re very attractive Bill. Like best looking guy I’ve ever seen attractive, and I’m flattered, but we should get back. They’re gonna wonder.”

“This dress is killing me though, and youre so so beautiful.” He groaned lustilly, as he slowly slid my dress’ strap down, continuing his way down, kissing down my throat to my chest. He exposes my breast and looks up to make sure I wasn’t going to object, but when I just bit my lip, he placed his mouth on my nipple, suckling at my breast. He releases it with a popping sound, and slips a hand under my skirt, rubbing me through my panties, as he sucksin a breath through his teeth, before going for my other breast. This motherfucker is gonna kill me. How can one man be so hot and what did I do in a past life to deserve this shit? Seriously universe? How do I carry on knowing his tongue was on my nipple?

He hiked my skirt up to brush his fingertips across my folds. He bit my bottom lip and then pulled his hand out from under my skirt, and sensually tasted his fingers before leading me to the large round cushioned ottoman at the vanity, trying to get me to sit.

“What are you up to? You’re - this is so bad.” I tell him as he pushes me down lightly as he kisses me passionatly.

He looked deep in my eyes. “Please let me taste you and make you feel good. I don’t expect anything from you and I don’t do this type of thing ever, but I’ve honestly never wanted to see what someone tastes like more in my life.”

FUCK. Who in the hell could say no to that?

All I could do is nod, too shocked to fully comprehend that this was really happening.

He got on his knees in front of me and I couldn’t help but admire his gorgeous features. As crazy as it sounds, he had the most beautiful bone structure; severe and angular, yet it was offset by his big green eyes with their long sweeping lashes, luscious plump full lips, and adorable perfect little child-like nose. His hair was silky and thick and he smelled like mint and soap.

I watched as he pulled my underwear off and placed them in his pocket, before leaning me back with one hand, as the other lifted my dress. He bit my inner thigh gently, but still sent a thrill up my spine causing me to visibly shudder.

“I haven’t even started yet,” he smirked up at me cockily, before pressing his mouth to my sex before I had time to reply. I’d had my pussy eaten before, but nothing like this. There was no sign of nervousness or insecurity that some men display when they go down there. Like you can tell they’re not sure what the fuck to do, but Bill was sure of himself and seemed to genuinely love doing it. He was so enthusiastic and it felt so amazing. I never had done something like this in my life, and wouldn’t even kiss on a first date, yet here I am. I was scandalized and aroused, and so close to an orgasm it was shocking.

“You gonna cum for me baby?. I love how you look right now.... Cum on my face.... please?” He pleaded and pushed another finger inside of me. I couldn’t look at him. It was all too much.

I let out a moan as he moved his fingers and tongue in such a combined effort, that I reached out and gripped his hair, pressing his face against me as my release crashed down on me, violently shaking me, and making everything go white, as it wound down. It was seriously one of the most intense orgasms I’ve ever had, and it took me longer than a polite amount of time to realize I was still holding his face, and immediately released him”I’m so sorry, I didn't realize I- .”

“Sshhh.” He said chuckling and came up and kissed me deeply. “Can you taste yourself on me?”

I nodded shyly, looking away to break eye contact. He was so intense and I wasn’t sure what he would want me to do to return the favor.

He put his finger under my chin and pulled my face back over to look in his eyes. “You’re beautiful.”

I looked back at him, waiting to see what he did next. I was surprised he wasn't taking his pants off, but was too shy to try and take them off myself. I really wanted to though, and that surprised me. I wanted him to fuck me and wasn’t going to think about it, just do it. Like Nike.

He stood up and helped me to my feet, and helped smooth my dress out. He pulled me into another kiss and I could feel how excited he was.

“Let me make you feel nice now.” I mentally scolded myself for saying something so not sexy but just looked up at him with my best doe eyed look.

“You’re so cute. Don’t worry about me, just yet. I don’t want a quickie in a bathroom with you, I want like a bed and many. many. hours. I want to impress you.”

“I’m fucking impressed Bill.”

He chuckled and bit his lip, and you could see the wheels turning. “I really want to fuck you but I also don’t wanna be too long and full disclosure, Andy threatened serious bodily harm not to touch you. Said you’re a heartbreaking man eater.”

“Randi advised me to avoid you because you’re a foreign actor that’s too good looking for his own good. You’re obviously a monster.”

We both got a good laugh out of that.

“What’s your phone number?” He asked taking out his phone.

“I don’t currently have one. I need to get one. I lost mine yesterday.”

He looked at me incredulously. “If you don’t want to give me your number it’s ok.”

“No. Take Randi’s number, that’s the phone I was using earlier anyways, that way you can call, cuz I don’t have a pen or anything.”

“How about your email, and then you can send me your number when you get it. Randi might catch on if I call her phone.”

“You’re so smart! You’ll see me in a week on your new movie too.”

“Really? That’s the best news I got all day but if you think I’m waiting a week to be inside you, you’re insane. Now go, just say I went to smoke and make calls if they ask where I am. I’ll give it a couple minutes.”

I gave him my email and walked out the door to go try and act like the hottest fucking thing to ever happen in my life, didn’t just go down. When I turned the corner, I nearly threw up and cane to a screeching halt. I met eyes with the estranged exgirlfriend. I didn’t wanna seem weird so I smiled and sat down to finish my meal, since turning around and running the other direction might bad. I mean as far as I was concerned he was single, so I had no reason to feel guilty of anything. And I didn’t plan on admitting that happened to anyone, so not telling her was totally fine. She tapped on my arm and I cautiously turned to her.

“Did you see Bill by chance?” She asked politely.

“He said he was smoking and making some important calls when he left the table earlier.”

She laughed a little and rolled her eyes, “that man and his cigarettes! I blame Hemlock Grove for turning him into a chainsmoker. He’s probably smoked two or three in a row.”

“All this talk about smoking makes me want one, I’ll go find him. Excuse me ladies.” Andy said, as he quickly walked towards the exit to find Bill.

“He’s probably going to warn Bill that I’m here. We got in a fight earlier and he can be such a brat. Watch when he comes back, he’ll pretend like nothing happened.”

Maybe she didn’t realize he really was done with her. She had a funny accent so I assumed she’s Swedish too. He was probably her only friend out here so I couldn’t help but pity her.

“Between silent treatments and smoking, Bill would be dead by morning.” Randi said with a mischievous wink.

“Oh if you could see his hissy fits, they’re the worst!” She enthused. “Anything in his hands he’ll throw and if it’s something like a sandwich or drinks and won’t hurt you, he’ll throw it on you. But then if I try and ignore him, he’ll lay on me like a big dead weight until I speak.” His girlfriend said, laughing hysterically. Everyone joined in telling stories of past boyfriends that were grown men, having varying degrees of tantrums, but I just sat silently. My ex story wasn’t funny.

Andy and Bill came back and I could feel an anxiety attack creeping up on me.

I looked up and Bill was staring at me and I looked to Randi and she had a puzzled look on her face. In an effort to not give anything away to her, my eyes shot back up to Bill.

Bill looked furious. He seethed animosity and I just looked down at my plate to avoid that glare. I wasn't sure if I was the cause or she was, but I desperately wanted to run out of the place screaming and looked at Randi again pleading with my eyes to go. She seemed to catch on and I tried to keep it together.

His ex got up and rushed over to him. Just as I looked up, she planted a soft kiss on his cheek. My eyes narrowed involuntarily as he glanced over at me, but I couldn't tear my eyes away from him. His girlfriend grabbed his face and kissed him right on the lips.

I felt like I was going to throw up. Tears threatened to spill but I held them back as I stared at my lap. I kept seeing Bill’s eyes as he looked up at me from between my legs. Flashes of him pinning me to the wall, or oh my fucking god! My underwear are in his pocket!

My pussy is on his face too and he just kissed her.

He seemed so genuine, but he was an actor, what did I expect. Faking Feelings and emotions was how he paid the bills. I couldn’t believe how stupid and guillable I was! He probably got off on this shit. Poor woman. I was exaggerating when I’d said he was a monster but goddammit I was right!!!

”Ok thank you for inviting us and I can't wait to see whoever is going to join us in Toronto, but Liv and I must be off for an important appointment and then packing.” Randi said her goodbyes as I walked around the table and stood beside her, keeping my back to Bill.

”Bye everybody. I had fun” I said Sweetly and then I turned on my heel and walked past Bill without a glance.

”See you two in Toronto.” Bill called after us, and even though I refused to look at him, I could feel his eyes burning into my back as we walked away.

#bill skarsgard #bill skarsgård #bill skarsgard au #bill skarsgard asks #my writing

29 notes · View notes

coolspacequips · 6 years

Text

tagged by @lemonistics a couple of days ago!! i forgot to finish the post so here it is lol, thanks for tagging me <3

How did you discover the show?

I saw it on tumblr a lot, naturally, after s1 dropped it really took off and i was super curious about it because i was a HUGE fan of atla! but i was also like ‘robot... cats...’ and so i didnt watch it right away lmao, ive posted about this before but i ended up watching this amv shortly after it came out and after that i was like ‘i HAVE to watch this’ (just watched the amv again and its still rly good, damn it reminds me how good s1 was........)

Was it love at first sight or did it take you a while to get into the show?

it was completely love at first site!!! u know lance won my heart the second he opened his mouth, and i was impressed right away by how lovely it was, how creative and scifi fun it was, i loved the music and the updated designs and i was in it for the diversity tbh. i knew starting this show could never be undone with ‘girl, youve already activated my particle ba--’ ‘LANCE.’ how poetic is it that a shance moment brought me here

Do you have a favorite Paladin?

wonder who that could be............ Lance............. my son........ he is so excited and open-hearted, but so capable and smart in so many ways. he has Been There for the team in so many ways, from hugely significant emotional support to skilled tactical coverage, all the way up until he literally died saving a team mate, and this wasnt even his first close call. he can be petty and short-tempered cos hes young and working stuff out, but he is so gotdang selfless and beautiful and charming and i LOVE...

Do you have a favorite Lion? (If it’s different from your fav paladin, why?)

*looks down at the blue slippers on my feet, looks up at the blue lion toy on my desk shelf* yea i got a fav.... tbh blue is so sweet and smart and i love her, and black is growing on me in a MAJOR way, mysterious and wise and full of Love for shiro, much like i hope to be

Do you have a favorite Villain?

HAGGAR!!! BITCH!!!!!!!!! my bias was skewed from day 1 the second she opened her mouth and cree summers voice came out, and when she started showing concern for zarkon i knew it was over for me, i knew they were gonna cut me deep w her history. ive said since the beginning that haggar was gonna be the main villain, and i believe it more than ever now that voltron kinda killed her husband and lost her son in a void. her backstory reveal rocked me to my core, and i care very much about honerva and haggar!! ive always felt like the final conflict is gonna come down to haggar and allura tbh

Do you have a favorite Alien Race? (recurring and/or minor)

i rly like alteans, i know theyre just pretty hyper advanced space elves, but WHATEVER. also loved the mermaid aliens and whatever blaytz is, and my love of the biibohbiis is eternal. i hope we see more cool aliens! also shout out to that hot rebel lady that died in pidges arms, i forget what theyre called... also, can we meet whatever mixed w a galra to make antok t b h?

Favorite side / other character(s)- Rebels, General, Blade of Mamora, Garrison, etc?

rolo, nyma, and beezor hold a rly special place in my heart. i was so excited when they came back!! the blades are very much my Aesthetic (TM), and those mermaid freedom fighters were great, also those married gay rebels posted in that ice cave that helped shiro.... i like a lot of the side characters tbh.

lbr though, the real favs are the biibohbiis

How/Why did you join the fandom?

i came in initially to consume the shallura content tbh (this was before it got “””cancelled””” by antis, and i was very excited to see a black woman in a popular ship for gotdamn once. yea im bitter). i started rping p quick after watching it all, i just really wanted to write lance, then i got into an rp with a keith and the ship was unlocked in my heart for All Time. this was around the time that i stopped drawing, i held on for as long as i could and used to post fanart, but it didnt last long. kept me inspired to keep writing tho, and thats good cos i need to be making something!! now its getting me back into drawing and im thankful for that, big ups to shance fandom within the fandom for being da bes!!

Care to share a favorite headcanon?

shit... i wasnt ready for this... i dont really have any relevant hcs that i can think of right now! ummmm i think that the garrison knows more than we think, and that there are going to be some Interesting revelations when the team goes home. im suspicious of how quick they were to jump on and contain shiro at the beginning without so much as letting him speak, how close the base was to the blue lion, and the fact that tex kogane saw the lion and was immediately like ‘should we call the garrison?’ (realistically he could be saying that cos, i mean, who else nearby would know about bizarre aircraft than a piloting academy, but still!)

What do you think is the best part of the show?

honestly there is a lot i love about the show, but i guess the Best part is the characters and the bonds we see growing between them as the series progresses! the show has gone into much more engaging, interpersonal depth than i ever hoped for, and the bottom line is that love and compassion are the things that make life worth fighting for.

ive also talked before, i think rambling in the tags of a post lol, about how i love the fresh, fun, creative take on fantasy scifi that i have missed in recent media, and the optimism that runs as an undercurrent to it all.

Any hopes and wishes for future episodes / seasons?

i obviously just want lances personal arc to come to a head already!! his character has been quietly and steadily growing in the background of all of this, and his growth is just so human and heartfelt in the midst of all of this intergalactic drama. he is just a boy from cuba who is so good and selfless that he has literally died defending the universe, and he deserves a real, genuine time to shine!

Do you think you’ll stick it out until the end of the show?

ABSOLUTELY, this show means so much to me and has ferried me thru a hard time in my life, on top of just being generally phenomenal and everything that i hope modern cartoons can become now that people are genuinely starting to realize that it is an art form!

Tag your friends or someone you want to get to know better

im way behind on my dash so idk who has and hasnt done this, also no pressure to do this if u dont want to but

@ifellfromtheskies @rainyfeet @kitausu @rigb0ner annnnd idk whoever else wants to do it! tons of ppl i could tag bc all my mutuals are da bes and i wanna get to know them better, but have at it!

#lemonistics #thanks again for tagging me ur answers were also great!#text posts #about me #tag memes #long post #also just sorry in general 2 everyone that i take 5 million years to respond to

8 notes · View notes

thokage-archive · 6 years

Note

i'll bite, what's your opinion on BAKUGOU KATSUKI

BITCH IM READY 2 GOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

FIRST OF ALL……,,,,, SWEATEAL,

THATS MY SON! I WOULD D I E FOR HIM.

secondly, he is an extremely complex character & I beg all Bakugou haters to read what I’m about to write. I don’t think anyone needs to love him or kiss his ass by any means, let alone excuse his behavior towards Izuku. BUT! I beg of you to have some empathy for a fucking 15-year-old boy that has been through hell & back, is clearly emotionally stunted, obviously grew up in an emotionally manipulative, verbally abusive, and very likely, physically abusive household.

As someone who was raised in a household like that, and as someone who was both the bully & bullied growing up, I just need you to understand how complex he is & that he is worthy of redemption!!! (after all, he is a child, he should be granted the opportunity to grow & learn from his mistakes. I don’t think people should give up on him just yet, lord knows where I would be if the people in my life had given up on me at 15).

Deadass though…. let’s get into his fucking problems™ first because I am the last person on earth to act like he is perfect.

#1 problem - extreme anger issues

It’s made clear from the start of the series that Bakugou expresses himself best through anger and violence, something he obviously learned from his mother. Horikoshi, in fact, has SAID that him & Mitsuki are essentially the same person. So can we all just take a fucking moment & imagine Bakugou as a parent…. imagine someone with that type of irrational & immature anger parenting a child. How tf do you think that kid is going to turn out? How does a kid being raised by a verbally abusive parent grow up?

Well!!! Luckily, this series provides us with two very good examples,

a) bakugou katsuki

while on the opposite end of the spectrum is

b) todoroki shouto.

Everyone deals with abuse in different ways, especially different types of abuse. While Bakugou is dealing with abuse by taking his anger & projecting it out, therefore reflecting his abuser, Todoroki internalizes all of his emotions & is extremely distant and at times submissive for fear of punishment.

Bakugou wards off his weakness/being punished by his mother for being weak, by expressing brute strength through his anger & aggressiveness, thinking of things such as friends and feelings (other than anger) as weak. Todoroki hides his weaknesses from Endeavor by closing off his emotions from him completely, so much so that he is emotionally/socially stunted.

In short

Bakugou’s emotionally stuntedness = lifetime of anger being his only coping mechanism/outlet & a huge failure on his parent’s part to foster any other sort of emotions

todoroki’s emotionally stuntedness = lifetime of repressing all of his emotions from his father coupled with a lack of social interaction from peers

In both of their households….

losing = weakness

being #2 = weakness

emotional vulnerability = weakness

all of these weaknesses = punishable by verbal & physical means

The reasons why people respond the way they do to abuse is very varied. My best guess for why Bakugou responds the way he does leads me to problem #2

#2 problem - His Huge Ass Ego/Superiority Complex

Bakugou is…. a perfectionist. Much like Momo & Iida (he is behind only them in terms of class rank) meaning not only is he a huge physical threat, but also incredibly smart & a very hard worker in all aspects of his schooling. He takes his future as a hero very very seriously, just as serious as Midoriya or Todoroki. He very clearly feels a lot of pressure from his parents & other adults in his life to do well & succeed due to the flashiness of his quirk. Even at four when his quirk manifested all people could talk about was how cool it was & how lucky he was to have it, therefore gassing him up & already inflating his 4-year-old head.

All of the adults around him expected him to grow up and make something great of himself at only age 4, so he has quite literally been feeling that pressure for his entire life, at least as long as he can remember, which created this giant ego of his.

(ALSO CAN WE TALK ABOUT ADULTS & PEERS ONLY GIVING A FUCK ABOUT BAKUGOU QUITE LITERALLY FOR HIS BODY. LIKE…. GENUINELY ONLY FINDING HIM WORTHY OF BEING A HERO BECAUSE OF HIS QUIRK BEING “COOL”. BECAUSE IF THAT DONT FUCK WITH YOU GROWING UP, WHAT DOES???)

Now his ego, in terms of how he responds to things, is why he most likely does not recognize what he is going through as abuse. And we all know that from ego, stems immense pride, and Bakugou would be far too proud to admit he was being abused IF he recognized his abuse, therefore he would not seek help for it, or vent / open up to anyone about it. But his ego is also part of the reason why he doesn’t recognize what he is going through as abuse. Admitting, even to himself, that he is abused would seem weak to him. He would have to admit he is not perfect, nor is his home life. He would have to admit that it has affected him, and he would most likely view that as a flaw or defect in his personality. He would never want to be viewed as a victim. (hint hint, how did he handle being called the “victim” of the sludge monster incident? He doesn’t want anyone pitying him or trying to save him from anything. He wants to handle things on his own & thinks of it was weakness to seek out help)

He also uses his superiority complex as a defense mechanism. For example, he overhears Todoroki talking about Endeavor with Midoriya the day of the sports festival right? And he later tells Todoroki that he doesn’t care about his home life and that he should still give it his all against him. This is because Bakugou probably realizes subconsciously that he too has been through some shit with his parents (not necessarily recognizing it as abuse, but not what all other kids go through) & yet he gives it his all. He almost says this as if to prove to himself that he hasn’t let what he has gone through affect him. He thinks it has made him stronger & that he will beat Todoroki despite his hardships, therefore proving him to be superior. When Todoroki decides to not use his flames at the last second it sends Bakugou into a rage because he believes Todoroki finds him unworthy of his full power. He thinks Todoroki is looking down on him, seeing him as weak, and just embarrassed him in front of thousands of people. (This is, by the way, the second time we see Bakugou lose it over the prospect of him not being better than his classmates).

The FIRST time we see it is when he and Midoriya fight one another on opposing teams for All might’s Class. He believes himself to be better than all of his peers & he is absolutely CRUSHED when he discovers that perhaps that isn’t so. After Midoriya fights him and wins, his spirit is broken. We see him retreat to the back of the class & silently watch as the other teams face off.

His world is actively falling apart around him. For so long he was a big fish in a little pond. He was popular, he was powerful, he was looked up to and admired by adults and peers for his strength. He was talked up so high & told he was so special that for him to be anything other than the best was unthinkable. And yet, here was his childhood rival beating him in a test of strength and wits in front of their mentor and idol. And immediately following him was the son of the #2 hero showing his own display of brute strength & passing All Might’s test without batting an eye through the sheer power of his quirk

Bakugou is so incredibly saddened and shocked by the experience that he gives up, which is something he has never done in his entire life. Midoriya has to walk out after him once the test is over and ask him why he’s leaving, at which point Bakugou confesses, with tears in his eyes, crying, showing weakness in front of Deku, that he cannot keep up. That for once he is below someone and he cannot handle the feeling of failure that accompanies him not being number one.

He gets over this, being motivated by both Midoriya & All Might to continue. But nonetheless, this is the first instance we see of Bakugou showing genuine fear & hopelessness for his future because he realizes he is not as great as he thinks he is. For him, there is no greater fear for him to face than for him to acknowledge the fact he is not perfect. He is flawed, there are things for him to learn and people he must learn them from and experiences he must go through before he can be number one, and that reality terrifies him. He sees it as nothing but endless opportunities for him to fail. So he determinedly puts on a brave face and screams at Midoriya and All Might that he will be number one no matter what it takes, that he will rise above everyone, even if it kills him. (Which of course it damn near does considering he is fucking kidnapped by villains impressed with his strength/power)

NOW ON TO THE ABUSE PART OF ALL THIS BECAUSE HOLY FUCK I CANT BELIEVE PEOPLE ARE GENUINELY OUT THERE SAYING THIS AINT ABUSE & WRITING WHOLE ASS ESSAYS TO DISPROVE MITSUKI AS AN ABUSER ONLY SO THEY CAN WRITE HIM OFF AS A ONE DIMENSIONAL CHARACTER/ASSHOLE TROPE

Abuse is not only physical, and to dismiss emotional/mental abuse as not “real” abuse or merely “tough love” makes you an abuse apologist, sorry not sorry.

The feeling I get from the few interactions we’ve had with Mitsuki, and the times Bakugou has mentioned his home life, is that the abuse he faces is overwhelmingly mental/emotional. He does, however, suffer some physical abuse too, which is essentially confirmed in this new chapter, it’s just unlike the abuse Todoroki suffers from.

Todoroki’s abuse is blatant, its beatings, starvation, intense physical regimes, etc. The abuse Bakugou suffers is far more subtle and sadly enough, far more common. The abuse he is subjected too is what most of y’alls parents probably just call “good parenting” or parenting the old fashioned way, aka when most peoples parents were shit & everyone thought it was cool to beat their kids into submission & scream at them for hours and hours over simple things. (Sadly, a product of hypermasculinity and misogyny being the overarching influences in parenting tactics, especially in households with a male head. In this case, however, Mitsuki, a woman, is the abuser. So most of y’all tryna ignore it like women can’t be abusive, or violent how men can).

Her physical abuse most likely differs drastically from Endeavors as well. Parents who genuinely believe themselves to not be abusive, but just tough on their kids because they love them or whatever, rarely hit their kids as openly as Endeavor hits Todoroki. We see her slap him on the back of the head, which in another situation & with more context, could be taken as playful, not abusive. But again, all depending on the force of the hit, the intent behind it, how often these sorts of things, occur, and if Bakugou is comfortable with it. How he responds indicates that he does not like it. Therefore she is laying her hands on him in a violent manner, obviously without consent.

A parent or not, “disciplining” your child or not, that is wrong. And I’m more than positive it happens frequently and in different ways after the new chapter. She is most likely a believer in spanking, which do NOT even get me started on that (my parents literally used to tell me I was fucking lucky to get beat with a belt and not an electric cord), spanking is abuse and I don’t wanna fucking hear it isn’t. You shouldn’t feel the need to beat your kids in any way shape or form to get them to listen to you. She also probably digs her nails into his arm or some shit when he says something she doesn’t like in public, or just generally is rough with him when she disagrees.

Mentally/emotionally she does not come off as the type to apologize to a child, admit she is wrong to a child, or have a rational conversation with her child rather than beating them. Again, since when has Bakugou himself ever done those things? (and according to Horikoshi, we all know he is a carbon copy of her before entering yuuei).

Gaslighting is when the abuser places blame on a victim by making them question themselves or attributing the situation to some imaginary fault of the victim. In this instance Mitsuki blames Bakugou for his own kidnapping, calling on his supposed weakness as the source of the problem.

She not only BLAMES Bakugou for his kidnapping, calling him weak and pathetic, but does so in front of his teachers, his idols, degrading him in front of the very people he wants to impress. And for someone like Bakugou, that is probably one of the biggest hits his ego can take and it is most likely killing him inside from shame and embarrassment.

In fact, I KNOW it is because we later see him TELL Midoriya that he blames himself for All Might’s fall. He thinks he was too weak to handle the villains and so he had to be saved (something he hates having to admit) which lead to All Might’s battle with All for One and eventual retirement as a hero. He literally takes his mothers words and internalizes them to the point of breaking & then expresses them the only way he knows how: violence, by fighting Midoriya.

So not only do we have concrete evidence of emotionally abusing him by calling him names intended to hurt him, but also of her mentally abusing him by placing the blame on him, causing him to question himself & his capabilities/role in the situation. She makes him genuinely believe that he should have been able to do something about the traumatic experience of being kidnapped by a group of known murders…. uuuuuhhhh does that scream totally normal parent to you? She is not even remotely concerned for his safety…. only how it looks, only with how weak he is. Does that um, cough cough endeavor cough, remind you of anyone? No? Okay.

Which back to Bakugou and Todoroki, this new chapter killed me because Todoroki is a sweetheart and he really knows what he went through was fucked up. I can see him trying to get Bakugou to understand in the future that violence is not the way to get what you want in life, no matter how small the act, hurting someone, emotionally, mentally, or physically is not how you get people to do what you want or agree with you. Even though that’s all Bakugou has ever known, he just never recognized it as morally wrong the way Todoroki did, most likely because it was much more subtle & normalized in Bakugou’s household.

That all being said…. Bakugou has made many mistakes and I’m not kidding when I say he is a carbon copy of Mitsuki. I don’t want to go so far as to call what he does to Midoriya abuse because that implies a fundamental misunderstanding of his character in my opinion, but like…. bottom line… he abuses & bullies Midoriya severely.

Bakugou is a classic case of an abuse victim turning into an abuser. However, he is a child, unlike Mitsuki. He was raised by someone who taught him that abuse is okay and normal. He has not yet matured or been able to view life through any other lenses. His parents have failed in teaching him healthy coping mechanisms, other adult influences in his life, such as previous teachers, have never discouraged his behavior either, therefore he merely copies what he knows. So I understand him not knowing any other ways to deal with someone like Midoriya, his antithesis, and rival.

In sociology this semester we learned about a famous poem by Dr. Dorothy Law Nolte, a family counselor & writer. The poem focuses on the ways in which children develop due to what circumstances they are raised under. It goes like this:

(Lines bolded reminded me most of Bakugou, lines italicized reminded me most of Izuku, lines with both… reminded me of both)

If children live with criticism, They learn to condemn.

If children live with hostility, They learn to fight.

If children live with ridicule, They learn to be shy.

If children live with shame, They learn to feel guilty.

If children live with encouragement, They learn confidence.

If children live with tolerance, They learn to be patient.

If children live with praise, They learn to appreciate.

If children live with acceptance, They learn to love.

If children live with approval, They learn to like themselves.

(Full poem)

I kid you not in the middle of class all I could think of was Bakugou and Midoriya and how this poem so beautifully contrasted and compared them.

Midoriya is the exact opposite of Bakugou. Where Bakugou is strong, powerful, fierce, influential, popular, admired, confident, loud & aggressive. Midoriya is weak, small, quirkless, quiet, timid, mumbling & stuttering, friendless, self-conscious, and not very vocal. They are completely different in all aspects, Midoriya represents everything Bakugou strives to not be. He is useless, weak in Bakugou’s eyes. Something he has been told his whole life to not be, and thus he does not want to associate with Midoriya.

However, the thing that scares Bakugou most about Midoriya is how much they can relate. They were, after all, friends. Best friends as children, they had the same dreams and shared common interests. Their similarities are only on display even more so as they both get into yuuei and progress throughout the year.

One of the most important moments in Bakugou’s life is when Midoriya reaches out to Bakugou after he falls. Midoriya the small, shy, quirkless kid, asks if Bakugou, the great, powerful, destined to be a hero kid, needs his help. As if that is something he would even want, let alone need.

I’m sorry but no 5 year old is going to get an idea like that on his own, you can see where Mitsuki’s thinking has already taken root, whereas Inko’s teachings have taken root in Midoriya. Up until this point in time, Bakugou was content with just allowing Midoriya to tag along with him, be a follower, quirkless or not. But this instance Bakugou clearly saw as a challenge for leadership, a questioning of authority. At five years old, he is already so distrusting of the sincere intentions of those surrounding him that he makes it his mission to let Midoriya know that he is above him and will not be surpassed by someone so weak.

It just makes me so fucking sad to see how twisted Bakugou’s logic is due to Mitsuki & the constant almost coddling of his ego that adults in his life have encouraged endlessly. It really isn’t until he meets Aizawa that an adult makes an effort to change that mindset in him. And slowly but surely, along with the help of Bakugou’s probably first real genuine friends that he views as equals and not just tagalongs, he is beginning to change his thinking & learn from his mistakes. Kirishima, Sero, Kaminari, and Ashido are all a wonderful influence on him and I genuinely think with their advice & trust he will be able to change his ways in the future, along with the guidance of All Might and Aizawa.

And let’s not forget Midoriya, he needs to apologize to him, sincerely, and because he wants to, not because he is pressured into it by anyone. I have high hopes for him and his future relationship with Midoriya, but I don’t think it’ll be possible for them to be best friends again. I just hope Bakugou can realize that he was wrong for treating Midoriya the way he did when they were growing up and can put aside his ego for five minutes to correct his wrongs as best he can. I’m sure it will be in the far far future though because he still has a lot of growing and learning to do. No one is going to just be able to put aside an almost decade-long hatred for someone & admit they were in the wrong, over the course of a year. But still… I have hopes.

All in all, I really really love Bakugou. I have some extremely parental feelings towards him having seen all the shit he has gone through & the many failings he has endured from the adults surrounding him. I just want for him to embrace his friends and place at yuuei and change his behaviors so that he can be easier on himself & others. He deserves to feel that sort of peace.

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again. Bakugou Katsuki is deserving of love, friends, second chances, and a shot at redemption.

109 notes · View notes

vehlika-pelican · 7 years

Text

warning for long post! i always get my best ideas at night when im on mobile and cant do a read-more. sorry. blacklist "vehl's headcannons" to stop seeing my stuff. no rvb season 15 spoilers i dont think. me3 is like 5 years old now so im not tagging it as spoilers for any of the games. OKAY, RVB X MASS EFFECT TRILOGY CROSSOVER ( mostly ME 1 because its been two hours since i started writing this post now and oh shit) #TuckerFightsARobotArmy is gonna be the tag for this and the inevitable sequel posts at first i thought, with default Femshep being a badass red-head that would make our local badass red-head Carolina the obvious choice for the role but it occurred to me that she would make a better Miranda Lawson than Commander Shepard. The Director is The Illussive Man (Tim). Aside from the daddy issues, Miranda is a big supporter of Tim's until she finally sees his dark side and resigns during the end of ME 2 just like Carolina was a staunch believer in the Director until she had to face the music. The Freelancers are involved in Project Phoenix and ultimately its every man for himself when the Director starts indoctrinating/reaperfying troops. She gets assigned to the Normandy SR-2 just before the agents make their escape and she's left out of the loop and feeling betrayed. She carries that well into hunting the Collectors and her loyalty mission involves maybe saving York and getting answers. Carolina goes into hiding just like Miranda during ME3, trying to take down her former employer and his organization on her own until she needs help. Thats where our best dudes come in. but then if she's taking the place of Miranda, who could be Shepard? let's start with the Reds. Sarge is too...Sarge. Maybe he could take Admiral Hackett's place as Admiral Colonel Sarge because obviously (everyone knows he's crazy but going from enlisted man to fleet admiral makes him a legend, and he really earned a name for himself during the First Contact War. that name was legally changed to Colonel.) Grif would be Joker, so our esteemed pilot/vehicle operator who's all back-talk and bitching. Simmons is where it gets tricky. Simmons could be an engineer, possibly a quarian, who got prosthetic limbs from when he temporarily served with Sarge on a joint human-quarian deployment and became enamored with the freedom to experiment in the Alliance opposed to the strict policies in the Migrant Fleet and sought to return to his service by trying to kiss ass. but i also like him as EDI because of the proximity to Grif and how they would develop that friendship leading up to Joker's Mission when Grif unshackles Simmons to save the Normandy in ME 2. i also kind of like krogan!Grif, and you know the two of them would have the greatest time messing with the Alliance's engineers during the retrofits. then when Simmons gets a body in ME3 he tries to get a faux-skin to look human but there's a problem and its missing in places on the left side and Grif decides to tell people he's just got some prosthetics from an accident. all shiny and chrome on the fury road. Donut is Kelly Chambers. trained in psychology but rarely clinical, loving all the species, somehow spreading a space-dog STD around the ship, a bit too naive if pretty gung-ho about the mission but give him a belt of lift grenades and hot damn we're in business. Lopez is the AI who robbed the bank? embezelled money? (ME 1) and threatened to detonate a nuclear bomb inside a shopping center but actually managed to buy and download himself into a ship and set sail for sweet robot freedom in the Persius Veil. he was caught by Sarge and officially "destroyed" when he's really locked in a Rampart mech with AI shackles that force him to aid Sarge in his crazy science endeavors. he refuses to speak anything other than spanish out of spite even when he genuinely needs assistance. now the Blues. Washington will have been with Cerberus until about the beginning of ME3 which is when Tim starts indoctrinating troops and members of Project Phoenix take their chances so thats too late to start trying to save the galaxy from the Reaper threat. Caboose takes the place of David (i might be getting the name wrong), an autistic savant who can communicate with a race of alien AI (the quarian-made geth) and is unwillingly mentally linked to the geth for an unknown period of time by his own brother (one of his sisters then? my poor boy imsorry). This would cause the neural trauma/scarring resulting in Caboose being... more Caboose. but he isn't found until sometime in ME2 by Shepard and co. Freckles is the mad AI who goes rogue on Luna (not EDI or part of Simmons in this au) but ends up being befriended by Caboose. he inhabits an Atlas/Titan mech and together they're unstoppable. Tex is an attempt to recreate Allison as an AI inside a cloned body made by the Director during the early stages of his madness. now she's taking Ashley's place as a trigger happy space racist, a double agent inside the Alliance and on Tucker's squad. Church almost dates her but something...feels off...and instead spends his time fighting with her because it feels...familiar? like when he used to argue with his mom when she was alive. huh. Kaikaina and Grif petitioned to serve together so she's on the squad as an infilitrator of all things. she and Wrex commiserate over the story of how she stole a krogan warlord's biotic hammer and she tramatizes Grif by flirting with his 800-pound ass. (not that it goes anywhere. Wrex thinks humans are too squishy.) which leaves...Tucker. because who else. Commander Shepard took the responsibility of proving the existence and defeating the Reapers only because they happened to be at Eden Prime when the prothean beacon was to be recovered. it could have been anyone caught in the beacon- Ashley or Kaidan or any other marine- and that person would have tried to do the same. Tucker in RVB isnt so much chosen to be the savior of an alien race (Doc said he was but that was more Junior) as he gets caught in a bunch of shit that went down in ways he was not expecting when he interacted with an ancient alien artifact thank you very much. so he's on the Normandy SR-1 because he's an N7-in-training or outright failed to get past N1 (which is still impressive because he was considered and thats not easy criteria to meet. let my man be a badass space marine. just a little bit. badass-in-training. HE'LL GET THERE.) but is noticed for his potential and is to be evaluated by turian!/salarian!Felix for Spectre candidacy. the first human Spectre. he's a biotic, i can't decide between adept and vanguard. Tucker and Grif are Totally On To the mission's importance because "spectre's(Felix) dont come along for shake-down runs" in their new experiental human-turian ship and they arrive at Eden Prime mid-attack. Tucker and his squad try to clear a path to the beacon while Felix scouts ahead. but then they find his body and eyewitnesses say it was someone he knew by name that shot him once he let his guard down and his back was turned. "Locus" they say. supposedly leading the assault with an army of heretic-geth and a massive ship emitting a terrible sound. they fight to the beacon, disable bombs along the way, and find it just as Locus's ship departs. as the squad's engineer is scanning it, Tucker notices they're starting to levitate and rushes in to grab them and throw them aside only to get caught himself. he gets the prothean vision-warning about the Reapers and maybe a special prothean omni-blade and its on. he has to prove to the Citadel Council that their Spectre Locus is a traitor and that the Reapers are real but visions? galactic extinction cycles? oh you humans are so full of it. you've been part of the galactic community for 30 years and now you're here with a conspiracy theory at best? i cant believe we thought you could work for us. blah. Tucker marches off but meets Church who's been trying to take Locus down from within the system to no avail. Alpha!Church is the Director's son but Allison got custody after the divorce and now he's a grouchy C-Sec cop getting nowhere real quick. Tucker invites him along and he's a shitty sniper but actually pretty decent with the Mako's cannon considering it handles like a drunk krogan who can do a flip it you drive off the cliff edge fast enough (what are mass effect booster jets for?). they track down a krogan mercenary (Wrex is probably still Wrex. because who could hope to live up to him?) and fight through a strip club and kill Fist and rescue a quarian (Palomo? make that Jensen) with evidence proving Locus is guilty. then they save Dr. Emily Grey and help her keep her small clinic in the wards from being shut down and she gives them sweet discounts and all the free medigel they can shove into their pockets. they rescue asari!Doc from inside a prothean ruin (got lost on a yoga retreat and panicked when geth started attacking...i guess he could be an archeologist but maybe they drag Grey along for the ride instead...) but he's developed a split personality due to how long he's been alone in there and its kinda murderous but coupled with biotics its pretty useful. (and yes, asari are mono-gendered and are all "female" but ME: Andromeda confirmed that some asari use masculine pronouns/identify as "male" and there's no way that wasn't a thing in ME 1 canon so Doc is he/him). on Virmire, he almost shoots Tex AND Wrex on the beach- put down your shotguns you fucking lunatics i will biotically throw you into the ocean! he helped Wrex get his family armor so Tucker manages to talk him down but man Tex could you chill its been months already. he has to leave Tex behind though to protect the bomb while he and Wrex save Kaikaina and Kirahee and fight Locus. they evacuate and the bomb detonates and atleast it was instantaneous. she wouldn't have felt herself be vaporized, it was quick and we stopped Locus from getting an army of krogan. Church is devastated and knowing that Tucker leaving Tex behind was a conscious choice splinters their friendship. but. Tucker has to finish this. its bullshit and why us. why'd it have to be us on this ship in this life shewasmyfriendtoo- but its a race against the clock to the lost relay and Ilos and theres no time to have a real talk. its complete bullshit. they get to Ilos but Locus is ahead of them and they have to fight so many geth and find a 50,000 year old message which only Tucker can understand but fuck this we're being left in Locus' dust openthisstupid templedoor*swish* oh shit this things a fucking key "guess we didnt have to fight all them robots" he said stepping over the mountain of slain robots because fuck my life. Wrex how'd you live so long life fucking sucks. "i've been drunk for a lot of it" great. yup. can the Mako go any faster. and then they meet Vigil but dont record it because they're still idiots who forget/dont mind the details until Simmons shows up in the sequel you morons but hey remember THAT CHASE WE WERE IN LETSGO and they drive the Mako into a relay and if Tucker made sure to crash into a geth colossus no one says anything- and they fly out into the Presidium Commons like if the Mako had wings but itfuckingdoesnt and why are there even jets on this tank. Locus and Sovereign beat them to the Citadel and the arms are closed but Hal-9000 over there is just chillin' on the Citadel Tower like he's shishing the kebab himself. then gravity goes off and they fight sideways all the way up the tower and those turrets sure are being turrets you know and not differentiating between us and the assholes ahead of us. but they finally make it and stop Locus short of the apocalypse. Tucker goes all renegade Locus was just afraid, the Reapers put his life in persepective and we are all so small and insignificant, "is servitude not preferable to extinction?" you're just a puppet, they're using you because you're weak, because you let them, do yourself a favor-! but Locus claims its too late and they fight and kill him. but he rises anyway. the fight the first and only Possessed Marauder- Sovereign controlig Locus' corpse through implants. he was mostly implants. and once its ash ashashashes Tex didnt even get to be ashes its unfa- and Sarge is over the comm, open the Citadel's arms son so the Alliance can save the day and Tucker has a choice. save the Council and sacrifice thousands of soldiers. or kill the Reaper and worry about new leadership later. its Tex again. worse. i need to think, theres no time, you know what this thing can do you saw in the vision i believe you so what do we do. make the call. and Tucker needs the Council's support...but the Reaper needs to be killed...but saving the Council will cost too much...but the Reaper could still call the others from dark space...they'll trust me... will the new ones? will the Alliance? Anyone? no. but someone will definitely be alive. kill Sovereign. the Council dies. the Destiny Ascention is destroyed. the Alliance suffers minimal loses. humanity fills the vacuum of power. humanity is no longer trusted. they blame him. he does too. have any of his choices been good enough? right? much of the crew goes their own way. Church goes back to C-Sec. maybe he'll call. Wrex returns to Tuchanka, faith in his people restored. Doc joins Grey at her small clinic. Jensen returns to the Migrant Fleet with geth data. and Tucker and the rest are... disgraced. no one says but they dont have to. every breath is a reminder of his failures and what he did. so much potential in him once, they say. he could have been great. instead he did this. and they fight geth. chase geth. fight more. they head to Alchera. more geth, they said. it isnt. the ship is blown apart. Kaikaina shoves anyone who cant walk into the escape pods. The XO is killed almost immediately. Grif won't leave. Tucker, please, Dex! Get Dex! she yells as she's dragged into an escape pod by a Yeoman and he storms over because he wont lose anyone else but the hull is gone and you can't run in mag boots. Grif is fighting for Normandy. Tucker can hear him asking for just a little more just enough to- to- but Tucker's having none of it and pulls and heaves and forces his idiot pilot into the pod. of all the times Grif chose to be the opposite of lazy. a streak of yellow catches his eye and its coming this way and he pushes off and hits the launch button but the engines blow and he hits something as he is set adrift. he's losing air. fuck, its- its behind him. he panics and scrambles for the puncture but his arms are geting heavier and he's already wheezing short little breaths shortlittlefailures youfailedyoukilledthem youkilledher. the sun in the distance is bright. he can feel his body tilt toward the planet, sees the sunlight cresting over the horizon. his vision goes dark around the edges. but the sun is bright and he doesnt notice he isnt afraid and he falls *maniacal laughter* someone should have stopped me. i think its super out of character but this is a rambling monster and not meant to go super in-depth or anything. god help me.

#vehl's headcannons #TuckerFightsARobotArmy #lavernius tucker #rvb #mass effect

2 notes · View notes

nevagivein-blog · 5 years

Text

The struggle

Apparently there are things that I can do to get free from my torture. Im not sure what exactly but My life is like a continued subliminal message. I think there is a list of goals from years ago that i must complete. I always make a list of goals its just something that i did since i can remember. it became a habit it helped me stay focus at times i would use a list of goals to escape reality and imagine . There nothing wrong with a 17 or 18 year old boy shooting for the stars. But i dont think i should be tortured for setting goals that generally take people there entire life to achieve , that was something i did to keep myself driven rather i obtained it or not i programed myself to keep my motor running so even if i accomplish a small goal then ill never settle and get content. As long as youre chasing something then you will always have a reason to grind. I have a chip on my shoulder i know noone thinks i can achieve most things that i desire but its not about them its about me. I hate to be doubted i enjoy proving people wrong. But as far as what i personally write down thats between me myself and god. That not for anyone else , the torture deprives you of having a personal relationship with yourself. I think i can obtain a certain amount of money to be free but being 21 years old living with my mom and no car. Life is forcing me to grow up and how can you exceed under these conditions. Life is hard as is but everyone you know being able to read your thoughts and see your actions multiple personalities giving you signs not knowing whos trying to help you or whos trying to hurt you .... trust me they will force your family to advise you wrongly. Electronicaly they will harras you they will make your card decline when you having money in your account they will torture using social media netflix vedio games .......How can you get anything done??? Mental toughness is a must. Im under the impression that you can get free by doing some gay shit , not gonna happen ... Or maybe i can get free by Having sex with someone ugly and or Fat. Im not sure some of these things may be a set up to make my conditions worser. Oh yeah im pretty sure i can get free by getting someone pregnant but in my opinion thats simply just not a good choice due too my life conditions .... basically they are trying to force me to do a bunch things that i wouldnt and its weird and unreasonable I dont feel i deserve any of this. Oh yeah and i think like females get points or paid when i look at there butt or if i think they are cute or like any positive thoughts about there apperance Im under the impression that they will get paid or get points if i have sex, or approach them in any kind of way. I think my evil ex is out to make me have a baby and is like paying or bribing females large amounts of money. I dont want any kids at this moment in my life. Ive been extremely lonesome and i really want people to talk to that cant read my thoughts or see my actions i want genuine relationships with people i want people to be real actually get to know me grow a bond with me rather if it is a relationship or not. There is a piece of me that wants to have a girlfriend but there is also a piece of me that want to figure out what i like in women. My variety in taste varies im not the kind of guy that is 1 dimensional, i like women of every race as far as lust and attraction. I don't know how to explain it but i like what i like when i like it. I feel like the attribute that i am mostly attracted to is the way a woman carries herself more than that i love being able to communicate and also being able to learn from someone that i could also teach or help. I mean we all have desires im not really sure but thats why i want to live more so i can experience more. there are some things that i may like but i dont know that i like because i havent encountered a woman that will show me. I want more experience with dealing with women and people in general. The crazy ex was my first love and because of that i dont really seek for love or havent really ill be honest im afraid of getting attached so i wanna learn more about me i dont want to be tide down to one girl unless she made me feel that way. How a female acts and how she makes me feel when I'm alone with her will determine our future. I dont ever want to fall in love with a thot or even be serious with a women with no morals. I dont have a problem with thots .... Im down to have fun ( ill fuck a thot with no hesitation) but as far as me building a bond for the future (relationship terms) I gotta set a standard for myself. Sometimes people fall in love with the presence of someone while they are blind to who they really are. If a women wants me to be with her, i need to know that she respects herself and that shes loyal. Ive never cheated on anyone so its only fair that if im going to be willing to curve someone , i need the girl that im in a relationship with to have the same energy when i say im serious about an individual then i mean it. My reputation reflects that. I dont see myself being in a relationship anytime soon but once i gain more experience figure myself out then ill set out for a women but i wanna be sure. Right now im young only 21 years old i just want to kick it. I dont want a bunch of people spying on my life and judging me. I just want the torture to be over with i want to have fun and enjoy life . I dont want to change who i am for anyone i want to be around people who will except me for me I want to be able to change my mind i dont want to be mentaly enslaved. I wonder who was this punishment meant for and are they running around freely happily living life while im forced to go through things i dont deserve. I know alotta people had to betray me for me to get in this position . If they had plans of killing me they might as well let me live a happy life .... its not like i deserve to die as it is. Ive been praying and i truly think there is way i can overcome this i just have to remain faithful to god and be strong. Its possible that if i get a car and find my own place that i could possibly get free. I dont know for sure im trying to figure it out . My evil ex wants me to marry her i think thats a way to get free as well but i dont think i would ever do that i have my reasons ... more than enough . she continues to torture me everyday for years i guess she wanted me dead she really is obsessed with torturing me. Theres really nothing i can do so i try not to think about how my ex and all my friends betrayed me. Ive talked to god about all of them and i let go of all that anger .... i still dont trust any of them i as i shouldnt they are responsible for what im going through if i act like they are worthy of my trust that would be dumbest shit in the world. They know if it were vise versa i would have never did anything of this nature im not perfect but im loyal. Real niggas are at a All time low ... if i come accross a Real women there is no doubt that ill be a real nigga to her. I know nowadays everybody faking like they real I truly believe fake bitches deserve fake niggas. You reap what you sow .... most females got like 3 or 4 niggas on they line until youre willing to focus on 1 how can you exspect 1 to focus on only you?? Ill have more respect for a female that lets you know they not serious rather than faking like they real you cant be a wifey type and a booty call option for multiple niggas either you a real bitch or you aint. Like i said before i aint got no problem with thots just dont be acting like you cuffable .... you may be cuffable , just not cuffable to a real nigga thats loyal. Im the kind of boyfriend that is committed i put myself under pressure 24/7 im not saying im perfect but as far effort goes im going to always give my all. Im down to build with someone , i may not always be able to ball how i want but im most definately gone go hard for my shordie. I see females be in relationship with niggas that over use them im the type that feels bad when i need help from my shordie i develope a husband mentality i feel good being able to provide. I also have time periods where i may be doing bad and ill seek for help but deep down im telling myself that i have to repay / or surprise my significant other 10 times better just to show them that i apprieciate having someone there for me. I love it when someone shows me that they care about what im going through even if its in a small way. Im the kind of dude that like to dress up match colors and shit , take pictures and capture moments . Im from chicago so the power couple movement is highly desired. Privacy is a must though i really dont like everybody in my relationship. I like to fuck alot especially if im in love. I like to chill and id say im more of a on the phone kind of person but not always sometime i prefer texting. I like nudes but im more of the kind of dude that wanna see selfies and your outfits and shit i wanna feel like youre dressing up for me. I cant be in a relationship with somebody that doesnt suck dick , im not saying i wont get involved but its damn near a must on some long term shit. Even though i dont want a relationship they are more suitable for me because i like to eat pussy and im not finna just be eating anybody pussy i typically eat out my bitch. Im not saying a female has to be my bitch for me eat her out but me eating out a bitch thats not my shordie is rare like the conditions either i gotta be extremely horny , or drunk or sometimes ill just do it because i wanted too 9 times out of ten she either super sexy to me or the freak in me kicked in at the right moment. But generally im not eating that mf unless i feel like that pussy belongs to me period. I like to fuck so rounds are pretty regular in a relationship. I feel like i need a friends with benefits ive been so introverted because I have no privacy and being spied on makes me uncomfortable so i havent had no pussy in a long time but this sucks cause im attracted to so many females around me when im out in the world or im at school. I hate that im being tormented and tortured i just want to be free to live a private life. I dont have intentions on playing with anybody heart but i just want to fuck women and get money like every other dude my age. In that process if i come accross someone that makes me want to cuff then ill try it out but i feel like i shouldnt have to be forced to do any of the things that they are asking.

0 notes