#its difficult and i dont want to be that anymore but i cant ever stop. i can move out in what. a couple of years? i could eventually go no

[m00ngbin]

Uh warning this whole thing is me complaining about my bones and pain and stuff so if you're sick of hearing about that you should probably ignore this

Whatever's wrong with my knee spread to my hip so I think that maybe I WILL be needing a cane or something soon and it's not just a joke I was making cause I had to keep sitting down in random places

Joke might be the wrong word because it wasn't really a joke and it wasn't funny, I was just trying to be lighthearted and it didn't seem like it was really happening or that it was probable

#sorry if we're ever in a public place and i suddenly make us stop so i can sit down for a few seconds #its not because im lazy or im trying to be annoying i swear #something ive been thinking about is disability #i don't think im disabled because i can still get around and do things but sometimes it is a little difficult and im worried that #in the future I'll have a really hard time walking without pain and ill have to depend on someone more than i already do #im already going to need to live with someone for the rest of my life anyway because of mental health stuff and i really dont want to have #to give up what freedom i have left #i read somewhere that disability forces you to rely on people and it takes away your independence and totally overhauls your life #and that disability really destroys your walls surrounding asking others for help/support #being independent and being self sufficient #i pride myself on my independence and self sufficiency and seeing that slowly start trickling away while theres nothing i can do about it #and nobody knows what to do to stop it is really painful #maybe it wont get so bad that ill be fully reliant but the possibility is there and not knowing is really scary #my choice and my autonomy are being ripped away and it not a person thats doing it its my own body #im not in control of my own body anymore #maybe im being dramatic but it really doesnt feel like it #because i am slowly watching my joints get worse and i am completely helpless. i cant do anything. im watching whatever this is spread and #not a single person can tell me what it is or why its happening

[get-more-bald]

when you're an inherently bad person🤪

#im a firmly believe that people arent truly or inherently born evil. except me ofc #the thing is that. if im not a bad person or whatever. im just incredibly unpleasant to handle deal with or be around. which may be worse #because im actually trying to be fun to be around. in general. when im not stressed out of my mind or almost (or actively) crying. i do try #and if im inherently unpleasant. it explains everything but it means i wont ever have anyone. not really. #its like a have a bad smell around me that i cant get off. which i also fear may be the reality as well. #i do shower! i do use deodorant and sometimes the fuckign. body mists or perfumes or whatever. nice smelling shite i dont actually ever wan #to use but i must be somewhat pleasant #but do i use too much of it? not enough? do i shower the wrong way? should i isolate myself forever amd not subject people to that smell? #well! #vent post #also i never fucking smile which is apparently important in being approachable. but i can blame that on the autism #god i fucking hate being who i am #im not even talking about personality rn. being trans. and autistic the way i am. and whatever else i fucking probably am. and being a part #of this fucking family and living in this god damned place. i hate it all #its difficult and i dont want to be that anymore but i cant ever stop. i can move out in what. a couple of years? i could eventually go no #contact with that family? i couldnt. but i wont ever stop being who i am at my core. and thats so depressing and it wants me to kill myself #not in a painful way though. no cutting or whatever. pills or a quick jump would be enough

[pears-trinkets]

.

#i just wanna have artist friends again to talk about art and hype each other up o(-( #share techniques and fandoms and have ocs together #i feel like i cant do art or feelings on my own anymore i need someone to feel it with me #but also depending on people like that is unfair so i stopped doing it and my heart was shattered into a million pieces #i had so many issues drawing the past 4 years and i only have one friend and they dont draw and are aq #are awkward with words but when i send them a photo of me trying to draw they literally didnt say anything and that was just :') #ive been struggling so much because of twitter and everyone i knew seeing my breakdown 4 years ago and knowing how many bridges i burned #and how difficult it is for me to draw at all and then share my art online and my friend told me its okay just share it with me #and when they dont say anything in me screams and feels so rejected i want to never talk to anyone ever again #im literally a shell of a human struggling with everything im a trauma response on two legs #and i wanna channel that into my two oc boys both being traumatized and leaning on each other but that also makes me feel so vulnerable #i feel like my existence is so pointless and just a burden on everyone who ever crossed paths with me #i imagine everyone i ever knew just talking badly about me how obnoxious i am and how selfish and ignorant and hurtful #and how happy they are about my downfall #im on mental sick leave and have finally a bit of time to catch my breath and im drawing again and feel better but i need to return to work #i cant do this #im so privileged and i still feel so bad and its so hard #i feel like every privilege i have will be followed by the most gruesome horrible thing because i dont deserve it and im unworthy of it #i dont think ill ever be able to build normal human relationships ever again ill shrivel up alone and die without anyone caring #while my mom is telling me im doing it on purpose and because i reject everyone #why is existing to painful and why am i doing worse worse doing it

[pommunist]

I really appreciate coming to your blog, to be honest for me its like a healing balm after even just skimming and scrolling others feelings on all of this. I feel like sometimes people are so unreasonable and it hurts to see people "taking sides" at all with this situation.

All Ive ever cared about with this issue is the facts. The fact that a lot of workers got screwed over and instead of buckling down and talking to people QStudios would rather it all just stop happening, make changes and not acknowledge what they did. Honestly they dont have to say anything that even takes blame for it! All anyone was asking for at first was a goddamn DM man. Like they didnt even care if they got fired they just wanted a message SAYING that. But somehow they "cant talk about it" otherwise they would be "complicate" as if they were expecting people to sue them before anyone was even suggesting that?

Everyone is acting like legality is so important as if the people who first stepped up about all of this were instigating lawsuits when thats only happening NOW because they refused to say anything! Its like...why did they have to be "careful with what they say for legal reasons" when no one was threating to sue them. Almost as if they KNEW what they were doing was considered illegal and DID have grounds for legal recourse. If not then why not make ANY statement? Why be so scared to say anything at the beginning? It just dosnt make any sense. I mean even the Union was like "we dont wanna sue you just talk to your workers" at first!

It just feels a bit like a lot of this is being blown out of proportion and considering in his last stream Q ONLY talked about himself getting doxed (not saying that Q is "over reacting" from getting doxed by the way, of course, but rather the community seems to want to use this as a reason to exempt him from any wrong doing), the Brazilians (which by the way the fact that it took ALL OF THIS SHIT for him to BARLY EVEN mention the xenophobia is just….wild ill say), and that hes not gonna be the CEO anymore and like….okay cool dude not what anyone wanted a stream from you about but like pop off I guess. It just feels like every stream hes done about this situation never clears up anything and gives vague promises that dont seem to be held or at the very least is giving us basically no info and just promises.

Amen to all of that anon ! Like everyone (including myself i’ll admit) is saying how it’s difficult to speak about these things because it could lead to legal consequences but also… You want to avoid a lawsuit ? You truly have a desire to make things right ? Then go talk to your workers. Give them the answers they’ve been waiting for. Listen to their experience, listen to their demands, listen to what they want from you. Release a statement with full excuses on the behalf of the whole company to them, thank them for what they did. Pay them the fair compensation you owe them for the months of labour they did for your project. Demand that your community and everyone else leave them be in peace, and condemn everyone who doesn’t.

Like sure, that may need you to admit that you did wrong which could be used against you in court but lets be for real. Lawsuits are stressful, can cost money and are time consuming, so who, especially young people without a lot of money and ressources to their disposal, is going to want to go through that whole legal process after getting everything they wanted and deserved from you ?

This isn’t talking about the Q vs the higher ups who refused to pay the admins and mistreated them btw thats a whole different legal affairs but still then, wouldn’t ex admins have be able to provide you screenshots of payments and conversations that you could then use in your favour in court ?

Also my blog where all I talk about is workers exploitation is like a healing balm to you anon ? You sure you’re okay ? /j ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

#qadmins situation

[jjaysontodd]

Xyx x reader angst

prompt:  “i can’t do this anymore.“

word count: 1k

content warning: none 

angst to fluff ( i was gna make it pure angst but i rmbed how much i love this silly fellah)

You knew, you knew how much he hates clingy people. He hates it when people push him to open up. You knew that so well. 

So you never asked him to open up, you kept telling yourself “its fine i will wait for him”.

But it was always you talking, always you starting the conversation and him playing along with it. 

You were starting feel sick of hearing your own voice. How could anyone even like listening to me when i cant stand my own words? 

It was always the same topics, food, video games and what is the next big adventure. 

You look at xyx but you never see him.

He talks but never speaks.

He always manages to somehow make sure the mood is always upbeat, like sadness could never exist when he was around. 

You sat on his bed with your head hung sadly. You were starting to feel sick and tired of how everything is going. You wanted more of him but you were afraid you would push him away. When did it became a crime to show him how much you love him? Were you being clingy, annoying or even selfish? These thoughts circled around your brain. You kept trying your best to be the partner he wanted. But do you even know who you are anymore? 

As you were swamped with depressive thoughts, he walked in merrily. But stopped in his tracks when he saw you depressed. 

“doll, is everything alright?” He asked with concern.

You were so tired of eveything, and this was the type of tired that cannot be cured with a nap. You couldnt even open your mouth to reply, the gravity of your feelings weighed you more than you could imagine.

You managed say silent as a whisper “I can’t do this anymore”.

Xyx eyes widened in surprised and he asked again “What?” in a quiet voice.

You looked at him, feeling terrible so you redacted your statement.

“Sorry, it was nothing.” you say quickly, trying wipe the tiredness of your heart with your hands.

“No it wasnt nothing, you said you cant do this anymore! Are you breaking up with me?” He asked with a slow pain forming in his heart.

“Answer me! Did i do something wrong? What is it?” He asked unable to be wait for your reply.

“I love you xyx” you said quietly and he looked taken back and a little calmer.

“But you put a distance between us, it’s always there. Im holding your hands yet i can feel an invisible wall between us. You push me away and i know you do. Maybe you are not comfortable being open with me or you dont want to take this relationship serious. You want to keep it light hearted. But im tired because i feel like im clingy and selfish if i ask more of you. I want to love you more but i always fear my love is suffocating. I know i can be too much, sometimes i wish i can have distance from myself too” You reply with your eyes looking to the floor. This was terribly difficult for you to admit, your insecurities to the person you love the most. You wanted to show your good sides, the best version of yourself.

Upon hearing you speak, xyx felt heart shatter. Thunderstorms brewed in his head. How could he have let you feel this way? Did he say you were clingy? How could his lover think that their love was suffocating? If anything it felt like warm fire engulfing them in a cold night. He sat next you quietly and pulled you into a hug.

“I’m sorry, my love.” With that sentence alone was enough to set you into a sobbing mess. You hugged him back and held his shirt tightly. You didnt want him to leave, not ever.

“I tried- i tried so hard so you would keeping being in love me, but i dont even know who i am anymore” You say in between sobs. He looked into your eyes wiping your tears.

“There, there. I know, i know you try harder than anyone for me. Im sorry i left you feeling like you werent enough. That you think it would be clingy for you to ask me to talk more about myself or that you thought i was playing with you. I am so sorry, doll. I just wanted you to be happy when you were around me so i kept pushing off the more serious matters. I didnt want you to feel sad about my past.  I love you enough to be vulnerable with you. I love you more than that too. It was a terrible habit of mine and it made you feel inadequate. I am sorry.” He said sincerly.

“Tell me if you had a bad day, ask me to be there for you. Dont take it all on your own. I dont care if your ‘ruining the moment’ or whatever. If you are sad, i want to know. I feel terrible knowing i was happy when you werent. I want to be there for you” You say with the words getting all choked up in your throat.

“I know, i know doll. I’m sorry, I’ll do better from now. But i could tell you the same thing, please dont try to be perfect for me. You can show me who you are and i will still love you. Love is a choice and i would choose you a million times, no wait a trillion? what was the largest number again? zillionth times.” He says with a chuckle. His joke earned a smile from you.

“What I’m trying to say is, if you want more of me, i will give you more. But you should give me more of you too. I want you to tell me before you get tired like this, okay doll?” He says quietly, looking into your eyes with adoration and warmth.

“Yes” You say before falling into his chest and hugging him back. He thinks you’re adorable when you shy away from his eyes.

#xyx x reader #blooming panic #blooming panic xyx #blooming panic fanfic #xyx angst #xyx x reader angst #xyx x y/n #blooming panic angst #reader x xyx #xyx

[prttydolls]

𝐒𝐎𝐑𝐑𝐘, 𝐖𝐑𝐎𝐍𝐆 𝐍𝐔𝐌𝐁𝐄𝐑. — draco malfoy

summary : draco did everything in his power to reach out to you, and confess everything during the war. but what happens when you already moved on?

warning(s) : none

authors note : credits to @planetaryrph for the divider <3 also, pls rb !! it helps alot <3

special tag : @miss-celestial-being

draco knew this was wrong, very wrong. him ignoring you throughout the year, and focusing on the deatheater related stuff.

he knew, that it would risk him losing you. but he also knew that if he kept interacting with you the dark lord would eventually find out and use you as a weapon.

a weapon that would make him weak on the knees.

so, he didn't want you to be the weapon used against him. he just ignored you, stop caring about your birthday, the anniversary, and hell even the time where you passed the difficult potions test you've been talking about.

he all threw it away, in the process of making you safe.

and ofcourse, he regretted that.

he wished that he had just stuck with you, he wished he had ran away with you like you suggest once.

but, he didn't ofcourse. he had too much pride in leaving his wealth.

that pride all came down the drain, when you broke up with him.

he acted as if he didn't care which he did, alot.

you cut all ties with him, and ran off somewhere in the wizarding world. whilst draco followed what is parents ordered on what to do.

he got married to harley cunningham, of course he didnt love harley his heart belonged to you and only you.

now he's just one poor little soul, waiting and hoping for you to come back to him and have his happy ending again.

but alast, this wasn't a fairy tale this was reality.

hes forever stuck in a loveless marriage, with a son scorpius malfoy.

- • - • -

draco woke up to the noise of scorpius crying, “waaaahhh!” he groaned, he felt bad for the kid he didn't have very loving parents but draco did try his best.

draco slowly went to the nursery, lulling Scorpius back to bed.

the little malfoy yawned and went back to his slumber.

draco placed scorpius back onto his crib and went back to his bedroom.

it all seemed a normal night, but he heard a moan from harley’s room.

“mmhh! fuckk please... damian!”

that bitch had no shame fucking another man in his home, and ignoring the childs cry?!

well, the fact that harley is fucking another man is probably not shocking to him.

but this woman is really the worst one there is, she ignored her own child crying?

what a bitch.

- • - • -

draco cant take it anymore, he missed so dearly. he wants you back.

draco did everything in his power to contact you somehow, whether magic or not

he sighed heavily before dialing the number.

936 .. 558 ... 140

draco didn't expect this number to work, this was your old phone number.

but it rang.

holy shit- it rang?! so it means, the number still works.

draco anxiously tapped his foot on the ground, hoping you'd answer and mentally preparing himself also.

“hello ? ”

. . . .

draco’s ears melted and the sound through the telephone. he hadn't heard your voice in 3 years.

draco prepared himself,mentally and physically.

“hey y/n, its me draco.. i just need to come clean now. uhm- im sorry for everything that ive done to you, i knew during the war that i shouldn't push you away and just opened up to you but i didn't and i hate and i mean, physically cant stand myself for it. i miss you so much, i really cant live without you. ever since the war everything has just been difficult for me everything wasn't going as planned. my parents set me up in a marriage with some girl, and forced me to get her pregnant. but trust me, she doesn't love me and i dont love her. i only love you, and only you. my heart belongs to you forever, every single minute i think about you and you alone. i know you probably think very low of me now, but please please . take me back, i cant stand that we arent together making a family like we used to planned I'd do anything for you,please just take me back .”

. . . .

silence.

silence was all you could reply with.

draco was really scared, and rather excited for your response. would you take him back?

what felt like enternity, before you replied.

“uhm, im sorry you dialed the wrong number.”

tag list!! : @dracoslittleangel @imabee-oralizard @f4iryluvy @lilytoyourjames @siriusblackstwin @thehalfbloodedwitch @hhesperidess @bigpoppajes @dr4cosimp @blackthunder137 @pottahishotasf @slytherin-princess247 @n0agranger

#— {🐚} her work's ! #draco malfoy x reader #draco malfoy #draco x reader #draco lucius malfoy #draco imagine #draco malfoy imagine #reader x #draco x you #draco malfoy x you #dracotok #malfoy #draco #draco malfoy x oc #draco malfoy x slytherin!reader #idk im lazy tagging

[girlwithfish]

its kinda crazy he smothered me like loll. feels so stupid and lame recounting the same story over and over nothing changes. but i still dk how to process that. some days i feel ive made more peace w everythin and dont feel as strongly and some days like today its more difficult and i think being tired and today not being the best kind of set me up for being more emotionally low abt multiple things in my life. as well as maybe need to stop reading peoples real life stories on reddit abt their abusive male partners bc its more triggering for me than i thought but its hard not to read them :/ idk its just crazy how someone can do something that vile towards u even when you are crying and begging them to stop and saying you cant breathe. literal psycho shit. and i was gaslit for however long into minimizing it even tho deep down i knew it was fucking wrong and i resented him for it but i was treated so dismissively and not taken serious my pain wasnt ever considered so after it happened i was just trained into suppressing it not telling a single person about it not even journaling privately about it just carrying that awful thing w me for idk how long. and i dont even remember when it was bc i didnt document anything mentally or literally and my mind worked so hard to suppress it i justndont have any recollection of when it happened. im guessing either 2023 or late 2022. it makes me angry and sad, and angry bc it is so unjust that he was able to control the narrative once again and determine that that was acceptable behavior and wasnt violent and extremely fucking dangerous too. Would sneer at me and tell me that wasnt smothering or make excuses and act like that isnt inherently Violent and terrible. and even tho i knew it was fucked i was just forced to go along w it even though i resented him for however many months for doing that to me and would bring it up and hed continue to deny it. like i wonder if he fucking remembers that now bc ofc there's been no apology for that specifically but i also have to tell myself i do not seek his validation or acknowledgment bc it is way too late for that and i had to unlearn the gaslighting and manipulation and dismissal and downplaying that he ingrained in me and insisted upon me on my own without him so theres no way i would need him to validate that act or that it happened or was messed up. but part of me still wants that bc even though hes given me surface level apologies and goes on abt his self reflection and discovery that could only occure after he got hit by a bus (enrages me that he now has empathy and some self recognition ig After a traumatic brain injury and months after the breakup) i still did not feel fulfilled by anything he said really. but he is not a person who i seek validation from or value his opinion or perspective at all anymore i never wish to see him or have him in my life again. you dont treat any person like that and yet he countlessly showed me he was okay with treating me violently and terribly and disrespectfully. it makes me sick tbh bc idk how someone does that so easily ur fucked in the head

[themolldollincident]

Oh, the horrors, oh the delights, etc

I do not want to be this type of animal etc? Not anymore! I have found the type of animal i DO wish to be, and it's me! Only took me, what... 27 years? Am i 28 yet?... Am I 27?? 14?? I dont remember. But I'm glad to have Molly back with me. Molly is glad to finally have the life she wanted. And Molly can be me and can stop just holding all the sad shit. Very excited for this next bit. Foaming at the mouth, actually. I think im gonna make it till im 30!! ME, 30! Me, who was born from that one singular google search that made everything fall into place. Happier than ever, but robbed of a childhood by the world surrounding. And MOLLY'S gonna make it to 30, too!! MOLLY, my missing childhood, who grew stunted, immobile, and foggy under poor conditions and only got to thrive once in the sun for a brief moment before she died. (They made me kill her like we were two prisoners in an arena but i swear i was trying to love her). But i finally stopped trying to forgive her (since she should never have apologized) and we let ourselves forget about forgiving and fell into the mud and rolled around together and we laughed, actually, and she'd never laughed that hard before in her life. And now we are friends and we make out and hold hands in parking lots and do drugs and sell sex to strangers and we steal and we love and we admire and we feel awe and we fall into the vastness of joy without worrying about a landing. Because really thats all she always wanted to do, but they lied to her and told her she'd never be happy as the thing she wanted to be. But we've never been happier or more ourself now, and their god is nowhere to be seen (we've stolen a few of their foot soldiers, so he very rarely shows his face here. I can be in my room without him holding a gun to the back of my head!!!) Anyway. We're mad and we've been mad since 7 years old. So as you can imagine thats very few memories remaining before it all started. But its not a bad thing to rot sometimes as long as it sows the necessary vitamins for new growth. And the growth cycle is coming around again!! Right on schedule lol. I have so many things i desperately want to do, but the world is difficult, and my goals require a frugality that is so so tragic when you put that fragility - uh, sorry - frugality in front of that excitement and verve and lust for life and the urge to CREATE!!! But i dont need to rush. I have time. After all, im not even 30 yet. The most fun part hasn't even started. Its all about to get so much better i cant even imagine it. Poverty can slow me down, but it can only stop me by killing me. And babe im still alive after ALL THAT, aren't I?? So im doing my best. I have warm dry socks. Warm dry socks. Warm dry socks AND a few bills on autopay - well, blow me down! And MOST incredible of all, i have a new toy and a new place to feed my god. I've fed it there two days now, and it fills me with such excitement and joy!! I'm glad I stuck around, think i might just do it as long as i can.

[marketa]

i could have never imagined that a heartbreak would hit me this fucking hard like its been over a month now since my bf broke up with me and he refuses to let me talk to him properly and i tried so fucking hard to do everything i can to distract myself from all of the thoughts of him but it’s so fucking difficult and it’s just impossible to occupy my mind with anything else 24/7 like of course i wont be able to focus on all the boring podcasts and tiktoks to make me momentarily forget about the fact that the only person i ever really loved just suddenly stopped loving me back without a reason and i just dont know what to do anymore i feel extremely exhausted and dead inside and i want to scream and disappear and i wanna forget about everything and i just cant do this but i also cant really tell anyone bc my parents are already worrying enough and my friends would keep telling me how i’ll find someone better and that he was an asshole like i KNOW but hearing that doesnt make me feel any better and i just wanna see him and properly talk to him and i just dont know what id do if he never looks back and never speaks to me again i dont wanna lose him i cant lose him i dont know what to do i dont know what to do i dont know what to do im so tired and done with everything and i just cant do this

#negative #and also everyone saying itll get better… im not an idiot i know it will bc everything does but i dont see this becoming any better in the #next months or maybe ever years and im already done after a month i dont wanna go through this for any longer #i keep telling myself it could get better once i go back to uni bc we’re studying the same major and we’ll probably #have at least two same classes and our major has like 10 people so he wont be able to ignore me #and i keep telling myself that once he sees me he might change his mind and agree to a proper talk with me #but i still just can’t wait another month and a half to see him to maybe feel a tiny bit better #i feel worse every single fucking day

[remcycl333]

this might be all over the place so im sorry in advance, but i really need help. i feel so lost and completely unmotivated to manifest my desires like i really just dont know what to do. ive been feeling depressed lately and i really just want to change my life to how i want it to be, but i have no direction. literally on tumblr theres blogs arguing/talking about how a certain to manifest is wrong so it feels like im running in a big circle over and over again. i also dont know how to stay persistant ill admit. i dont know if its because im being impatient or if i just dont have enough self discipline. but i am just so tired of living the life im living now im starting to lose hope. i thought manifesting would be my chance to finally be happy with myself, but i still havent managed to manifest any "big" desire such as physical appearance or even just manifesting to see a random car. ive known about manifesting since 2020 so i know its taking longer than it should, i also know its my own fault that im still stuck here but idk what to do anymore. the only thing i have manifested is seeing angel numbers everywhere but that wasnt even intentional so i dont even know how i did it. im so scared that ill have to live my life like this forever while everyone else on here is living their dream lives. i just want to be happy like i really dont understand why i cant just grasp this simple concept like everyone else

baby, work on your self concept. you'll feel so much better and confident, and manifesting will be easier for you. choose the way you want to manifest, and do it. and stick to it. if you like to affirm, then affirm. if you like visualizing, visualize. don't listen to any blog who tells you affirming doesn't work. that is bullshit, as most of the bloggers you see on tumblr manifested their dream lives by affirming. any way you want to manifest will work if you assume it will. but at the end of the day, you have to choose. you have to decide that you're sick of your current circumstances--sick enough that you will actually be willing to do whatever it takes to manifest. ik that in a strange, twisted way thinking negative thoughts can be comforting and help you feel like you have more control over things, but that is not true. nothing bad will happen if you simply decide to give manifesting your all. nothing bad will happen if you stop thinking about how much you hate your life and how hard manifesting is and how difficult it is. only good can come from that. put yourself on a mental diet and stay consistent.

nothing will change if you keep thinking about how awful your life is. absolutely nothing will change. you have to let those thoughts go. i know it can be hard, but if you really want to see change, you have to let it go and trust that as long as you persist, you are guaranteed your new life. you persist by continuing to stay faithful to your new story even if you see absolutely no evidence of it in the 3D. even if you see the opposite. you persist by not taking no for answer, and never ever saying "it didn't work." it always works, even in you haven't seen the evidence of it yet. every single thing you want already exists in your 4D: you just have to stay faithful to the 4D and persist in it until it manifests into your 3D. everything you want is possible, but you have to let the old story go. it is dead and gone. and it is perfectly safe for you to let it go and to persist in your new story instead.

but at the end of the day, you have to decide. you have to be your own motivation. you are responsible for whether or not you manifest your desires, no one else. all of us have seen people shit on the way we like to manifest, or have seen 500 different new contradicting techniques, but we all sifted through all the information and found what worked for us and ignored the negativity we sometimes see on tumblr. you already know everything you need to know. if you need to take a break from tumblr (and all manifesting content) until you manifest your dream life, do it. but you have to put your foot down and decide for yourself. everything i just wrote will be all for nothing unless you decide to listen and choose a better life for yourself.

you got this. you are god. stop saying you can't manifest and step into your power. give it you all. you won't regret it.

#asks

[lillllbabygirl]

i just really can't take this anymore. any of it. i'm like. done. i am just done. and i am tired. i am so fucking tired. i have this constant headache. i'm fighting so fucking hard no body has any fucking idea how hard i am fighting just to keep fighting, and i am so fucking tired, i am truly just so fucking tired, i can barely take it anymore. i just don't know what to do anymore. i truly can't live a life like this. i can however so 100x better, but no ones given me the chance, nothing's giving me the chance, nothing is letting up. off of my fucking back, and i can't carry all this shit alone anymore. i want forward, but everything's BELIEVE ME, everything's bringing me back, and i can't take it anymore, i really... just can't. i'm the strongest, toughest, most unforgivably hopeful and driven, and solution seeking person i know, and have ever known by far. i truly truly fucking care when i say i care i mean that at least 10x more than you hear it, and i am so tired i can't even have room for my own thoughts anymore, i don't feel like me, i feel fucking used and disgusted with myself and the person that lays here right now, and everyday, is nothing but me, and nothing of a lack of trying and caring and trying to be just as genuinely me as any other fucking day since day 1, since the start. but there are so many days that go by now where i am completely stepped on, and disregarded, and left out of everything that seems like normal and functioning, and social, and just existing, and i'm truly, GOD, I AM TRULY SO FUCKING TIRED OF IT. i just want to be a person and idk why that seems so difficult to me because i have never stopped trying with every inch of me, and i just don't get why i am going no where. i've tried DETACHING, IVE TRIED EVERYTHING AND NOTHING MY POINT IS, I KNOW NO BODY IS GOING TO SAVE ME BUT ME BUT I DIDNT EVEN FUCK MYSELF IN THE FIRST PLACE AND I DIDNT FILL MY PLATE UP LIKE THIS I DIDNT MAKE THE STUPID DECISIONS THAT OTHER PEOPLE MADE FOR ME AND FUCKED ME SO SEVERELY AND ITS TRULY THE SADDEST THING TO SEE MYSELF LIKE THIS BECAUSE I AM REALLY STRUGGLING AND SUFFERING AND FOR SOMEONE WHO HAS NOT EVER STOPPED DOING THAT I KNOW YOU CANT IMAGINE WHAT ITS LIKE FOR ME BECAUSE EVERYBODY I KNOW AT SOME POINT HAS HAD A FUCKING BREAK BUT MY INCREDIBLE AND MOVING AND UNBELIEVABLY RESILIENT STORY AND IMMOVABLE SELF IS SO FUCKING TIRED LORD GOD SOMEBODY JUST READ THIS AND KNOW THAT I AM SO FUCKING TIRED AND TRULY FEEL ME AND EMPATHIZE WITH ME PLEASE BECAUSE THIS SHIT IS LONELY AND I DONT NEED ATTENTION I NEED FUCKING HELP AND IM DONE WITH JUST OF GETTING STARTED ASKING AND IM DONE PUSHING SO HARD TIRELESSLY AT THESE WALLS CLOSING IN ON ME AND IM DONE SELF LOATHING AND IM DONE SELF PITYING AND CRYING AND CLIMBING BUT REALLY JUST CLAWING AT THESE WALLS FOR A WAY UP OUT OF THIS FUCKING HOLE THAT NO BODY SEES AND IM SO TIRED OF BEING SO FUCKING SEEMINGLY OPEN AND HAPPY AND OKAY AND FORGIVING AND UNDERSTANDING AND TOLERANT AND FUNCTIONING AND SEEMING LIKE I AM SURVIVING ALL THIS BULLSHIT BECAUSE IM REALLY REALLY REALLY JUST FUCKING NOT I AM AN AMAZING SMART TALENTED PERSON BUT ALL THOSE ADJECTIVES MEAN NOTHING WHEN THIS IS WHAT I LIVE WITH THESE FUCKING HUGE ASS WALLS WHILE EVERYTHING SEEMS OUT IN THE OPEN AND GOOD AND OKAY AND ITS REALLY JUST NOT! ITS NOT OKAY? I AM NOT OKAY AND I HAVENT EVER BEEN okay OR good, AND THATS ALWAYS THE FUCKING ANSWER YOUVE HEARD FROM ME BECAUSE ITS AUTOMATIC BUT TO BE REAL WITH YOU I HAVEN'T EVER MET SOMEBODY WITH WALLS AS BIG AS MINE AND IS STILL SURVIVING DOWN HERE WHILE STARVING ITS NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE AND THIS STRES IS KILLING ME AND I DONT CARE WHAT ANYBODY SAYS. I DONT CARE. I AM TIRED. I AM AWAKE. THERES NO DIFFERENCE, IN THE START AND FINISH OF THE DAY TO ME IM THIS TIRED CONTINUOUSLY, IM THIS HURT ALL THE FUCKING TIME AND IM SO SORE AND I FEEL SO FUCKING FULL OF SHIT FOR TRYING TO BE OKAY ALLLLLL THIS MOTHER FUCKING TIME WHEN I DONT EVEN HAVE A SENSE OF FUCKING TIME SO WHATS THE POINT IN SPENDING IT IN THE FIRST PLACE? EVERYTHING IVE WANTED FEELS LIKE ITS GONE TO ME AND EVERYTHING

I AM FEELS LIKE IT WEARING AWAY. AND FOR GODS SAKE I AM SO FUCKING TIRED.

but today, just like any other day, i go to sleep feeling sleepless and wakeless at the same time, and ready for the end of the day to start at the beginning again. and somebody not to hear me whining about how i truly feel, because i'd rather secretly wither away, than stare sympathy in the face of the people i just want to say, they're proud of me, and for me to really agree and feel that way because of the accomplishments i've made. no more sitting in place, begging for a damn thing, but providing things to show how i truly feel and who i am today is something to be mattered with. idek if thats a fucking word, but fuck it, means something, i'm too tired anyway, i've said, and done enough now. no this is not a suicide letter, how could i kill myself, when i'm already otw. anyways. fuck this. shit. goodnight/goodmorning. & welcome to my world, & a little time incomprehensible piece of my head. you're welcome. :) congratulations.

#im crazy apparently #hi

[urapocolypticcrush]

heyyy its me again! (anon! maybe one day i will tell u who i am…..)

i feel so happy! a cool girl on tumblr wants to answer my questions??? omg actually FREAKING out rn!

here are some questions!!

are u a theatre kid? if so have u been in any productions/musicals/shows/plays? which ones?

u said u liked art classes in ur intro?? i LOVE art, art is my soul and my whole being, art has been in my life forever (im talking about art as in painting/drawing, but also art as in music/theatre…. do u know what i mean? like art is EVERYTHING). what type of art r u into? do u draw or paint or sculpt? or something other extra cool?? can u tell me more about your art?

thanks so much for ur answers, u are making my day!

HEY ANON!!!!!! (i love this its like a lil mystery…)

STOP IM FREAKING OUT. you’re so sweet for saying im cool AAAAH. thank you for these questions i cant wait to answer!!!

im not a theatre kid sadly but i do music in school and i did drama when i was younger!! i was in my schools musical (as a chorus member not a main part lol) a couple years ago which was grease!! i love theatre and i really wish i was a theatre kid tbh

i love that you love art!!! i totally get you - i love both art like plays, music, theatre AND art as in drawing/painting/sculpting too!!!! (i love that you’re so into art i can definitely relate teehee)

for me, im into all types of art!! i draw and paint, and ive sculpted before but im not the best lol!! i love painting though!! watercolour or acrylic would probs be my favourite form of painting but i hope to get into oil painting one day!!! i love drawing too but mainly just sketches - i find it SO DIFFICULT to draw in detail… i also love embroidery even though im not the most skilled ever!! i really like felt pieces as well and theyre really fun to make!!

YOU are making MY day anon!!! thank you for all the asks youre so sweet :3 feel free to send anymore (or none if you dont want to!!!) and ill be happy to answer!! also feel free to tell me more about yourself in the asks, i loved hearing about how much you like art!!!!! we have so many common interests teehee

thanks again anon <33

#i answer asks #anon ask #AAAAAAH #love love love these

[bridgyrose]

About the Reincarnated Beryl AU, from what Naru says it sounded like she was jealous of Usagi's friends for taking attention away from her, and Beryl said stuff along similar lines. Does that mean that Beryl is more into Serenity than Endymion in this AU? How much are Naru and Beryl connected?

(Its less they're connected and more that they're the same person at this point. Once Beryl awakened, the line of who's Beryl and who's Naru is very blurred)

Queen Beryl smiled a bit as she looked over Serenity’s limp form. Being in the body of one of her close friends had certainly made things easier than she expected, although, it was difficult to know where she started and the person she was supposed to be ended. Waking up as Naru had been… different. She had expected to be someone else, someone with authority, though being a school girl like Serenity meant it was easier to get around without being noticed. And yet, she couldnt help but shake the feeling that there was more to this than she expected. 

“Is everything alright, my queen?” Nephrite asked. “You dont seem much like yourself.” 

“I’m fine, Nepthrite.” Beryl gently ran her fingers through Serenity’s hair. “I have everything that I need here.” 

“And what exactly do you plan to do to her?” 

“Its not what I plan to do to her, its what I need her for.”

“I’m not sure I understand.” 

Beryl pulled away from Serenity with a smile. “With her energy drained, she wont be able to defeat me anymore. I can finally find the silver crystal with no one to stop me. And then I will be Usagi’s only friend.” 

“And that’s the part I dont understand. Why does it matter if she’s your friend or not.” 

Beryl paused as she tried to find the words she wanted to argue with. Ever since she had awakened, she wasnt entirely sure which feelings were hers and which belonged to the body she’d been shoved into. But every time she watched Serenity… Usagi… mingle with the other girls, all she knew was that things didnt feel right. The anger that welled up in her chest was unfamiliar, the thoughts of running away and stealing Usagi werent hers, and yet… they were just as much as hers as getting the silver crystal. 

Still, she had to admit, if Usagi was her friend, then that would keep the other Sailor Guardians under control and out of her hair. Or even to work with her to make her job easier. “She’ll be an important piece to get that silver crystal. Otherwise, her friends will keep getting in our way. And I dont have time for any more setbacks.” 

“We wont fail-”��

“I’m not worried about failing, I’m worried about how long its taken us to get this far. I’ve been awake for almost a year now and I’m still no closer to bringing her back. Metalia needs to be brought back and I cant wait any longer.” 

“We will bring her back.” 

“I know we will,” Beryl sighed as she watched Serenity start to wake. “But for now, we do what we can to keep her on our side.” 

Nepthrite nodded. “Yes, my queen.” 

“N-Naru,” Usagi said as she slowly woke up. “Where… where are we?” 

Beryl smiled a bit as she helped Usagi up. “You werent feeling well so I brought you to my place to rest. I hope that is okay.” 

“Its fine. Thank you.” 

“You’re my best friend and I would never want anything to happen to you.” Beryl pulled Usagi into a hug and grinned. “And I’m sure you’ll help me too.”

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#sailor moon #nephrite #nephrite sailor moon #queen beryl #drabbles

[done-drinking]

Have i fucking ever given you a reason to think im a scumbag, think real fucking hard. After everything we went through, all the support, all the "love" and appreciation for eachother. I have been nothing but there for you. I have done nothing but try to be understanding towards you and patient. Sometimes we didnt communicate and it made things difficult, but was i a scumbag? Did i ever do anything to you or anyone to make you think i didnt try my best to be there or helpful or a good fucking person. I dont like drama, i dont hate anyone, i dont want to see anyone upset or angry, especially you. You deserve the fucking world, everyone does. So what the fuck happened man, what makes you think i was actually talking shit about you. Whos twisting my words or your mind and why was it so easy for you to disregard all ive been towards you over the past year. Best manager ive ever had and one of my best friends, you got me my job and ive been slowly recovering and pleased to be there. Now what, you think im so much of an asshole you guys banned me from the stores and were ready to press charges over something i said? What did i say, fucking call me and tell me. Cuz i dont fucking know. If you think i drunk talked to people i havent. I havent been drunk at work since you told me to never do it again, and that was when i was working for you. Drunk now? Drunk texting people at my job now? No, and no. Im about to go to work and be anxious about how everyone there probably thinks im a scumbag now, whole town probably lowkey thinks it because thats the kind of place it is. All regulars, lots of drama. If i wanted to make your life hell i couldve told everyone we fucking slept together, an obvious lie and we both know it but everyone else would question and talk about it. That would be a scumbag move. Would i? No, never, even now being as pissed off as i am. I respected your requests. The "dont text back, delete those posts, etc". I lied to him about kissing you, all of it to help try and keep your mental state okay while mine fucking broke. Ive only ever spoken highly of you at my job. Ive lied so much to the people asking why i quit working for you to save your image because i still fucking care about you. "I left because i didnt enjoy some of the people i worked with and it was just a stressful environment to work in, or just needed to feel like i was moving up in the world or needed a change of pace". You dont think im important anymore or am not a good person? Who are you. What the fuck happened to you man. We were good friends and you were so quick to toss me aside fucking multiple time. Getting past the "relationship" was a good reason to toss me aside. It def helped us both give up on that, but tossing aside our friendship like we didnt have one. Tossing me aside now, thinking ive just became an asshole in the past few weeks and am trying to shit on your life? Are you just saying all this to try and get past me or what idk man, if you are and care about me at all anymore then please fucking stop because youre hurting me even more. Like what the fuck man. Im so pissed off at you right now, and i should hate you but i just fucking cant and thats pissing me off even more. Forgive all my swearing to any christians reading this if anyone reads this at all, but i try to be a man of God and you know that too. So i forgive you for thinking im some cunt now. I forgive you for the emotional rollercoaster waiting for you to change was. You said you ruined my life, you didnt. You damaged me and broke me but i forgive you, im repairable. I still have my whole life ahead of me. I wasnt it, i wasnt enough, i wasnt the one, i wasnt important, everything you said i was, wasnt, even though you said you meant everything you say to me. Its all very clear to me now thank you. I forgive you. Youve really pissed me tf off though. Youve always wondered/wanted to see me get pissed off, well here it is, congrats you did it.

[unwellcryptid]

hi. im an artist who isnt really an artist so much as a guy who happens to draw.

i also have a myriad of illnesses and conditions that fuck with my ability to do that, or to enjoy it.

ive been having a very difficult time making anything i wanna make recently. i say recently, but it wasnt that recent honestly- back in, what, 2020 or 2021, i developed a repetitive strain injury in both my arms, afflicting the muscles responsible for closing my hands and the down motion- both things you kinda need to do when you draw.

i should clarify that i didnt develop this because i was drawing excessively- i cant say ive ever drawn excessively, i dont think im capable quite honestly- but because of how i held myself at all times all the time for basically my entire life.

the RSI (abbreviated for repetitive strain injury because thats A Lot To Type) is responsible for my chronic pain. i hear some people can recover totally from an RSI, but alas i am not one of them.

i started drawing in 2016, and i had decided very strictly to draw Something every single day due to instruction from the artists i learned from, and i had largely done that.

but part of my (attempted) recovery from my RSI was not being able to draw. i knew, before it even began, that if i stopped drawing for very long, i would have an extremely hard time picking it back up.

(this had happened before, in smaller ways. if i didn't draw for a week or two, drawing was a major struggle and i enjoyed it way less, so i didnt draw as much. i almost had to force myself to draw just so i could build a pattern to enjoy it again. the RSI recovery was worse, i wouldnt be able to do anything for months, even if i wanted to.)

and as i predicted, when i stopped drawing for that long, i found it nearly impossible to pick drawing back up. this struggle has continued to this day- ive never been able to draw every day anymore- not helped by the fact the RSI never went away, so drawing can be physically painful if im not careful- but it isnt ONLY the RSI messing me up.

i realized i formed a very strained relationship to creating drawings itself.

its kind of hard to talk about, because i feel totally alone in having this problem. every artist ive ever known or even heard of has all said the same thing, that making art is part of who they are. theyve been doing it naturally, even if they havent been drawing since childhood, its still an easy and simple thing for them to do. most talk about how art got them through depressive episodes and bad parts of life, or how it helps them work through their emotions, or how its part of them recovering energy after a long day.

its none of those to me. drawing has always been a strain, a second step i take in my creativity that i work very, very hard to do. it takes energy, it causes pain, and usually it didnt help me with my emotions. that was never the point of me drawing.

i suspect the reasons why im struggling with art are complex and varied and i feel like its almost impossible to talk about with artists. they never get it, especially not professionals, especially not healthy ones.

so i guess i made a tumblr blog about it. because i wanna talk about it, and the best i can do is make my own space for it.

im not gunna post art here, but the plan is to post about art, and about how i'm handling it, about why i'm feeling this way, and how i'm doing with it day-to-day. i think that might help

#chronic pain #i dont. really wanna post this in too many tags. i kinda dont wanna be seen too much

[dasha-aibo]

i have anxiety attacks often complete strangers tell me to have a great day are down to chill and talk and sometimes even hang out in the future too. if you want to meet other lgbt+ people going to where they actually are is a good first step even if you arent interested in hooking up or dating (because yourr taken or whatever). even though thinking about socialising with other people makes me have anxiety attacks, anxiety attacks are a roadblock that no longer exist when the thing you felt anxious about is actively working out for you in the moment and no longer making you feel anxious

if you arent taking anxiety meds the only thing you can do is try to not let symptoms cripple and ruin your life. it might be difficult but it is the only thing you can do other than being a shut in who never leaves the house. and personally what i have found helps a little to not do this is to actively refuse to let myself think that i am wasting my own (albeit worthless. its like an irrational fear or whatever) time by doing whatever. and also to refuse to be worried about the other things that can go wrong (there is no point in living if you dont ever do anything - any amount of risk involved in ensuring your life has actual value to you is worthwhile) IMO the mental trap of anxiety is you waste your own time and waste more time feeling regret because of that and then when you go to actually stop wasting your time you have an anxiety attack and the cycle repeats. the only way to break the cycle is to refuse to let your anxiety attack turn you away from new experiences (even if allowing your anxiety attack to turn you away gives you instant gratification from you not having an anxiety attack from trying to do something new anymore). because if you let your anxiety attack turn you away if you still want to try the new experience youre just going to have another anxiety attack the next time you try. you end up wasting a lot of time unless you either refuse to let your anxiety attack turn you away or give up trying to have the new experience entirely - the second outcome is depressing because you end up having a shallow, unfulfilling life and end up feeling less satisfied even than other people who live shallow, unfulfilling lives because you feel regret as well tldr anxiety punishes inaction with instant gratification + regret while trying to cope with an anxiety attack and still attempt what was making you anxious rewards you with delayed gratification + no regret. - anxiety and addiction commonly occur together unfortunately so i think addict mindsets also possibly contribute to instant gratification playing a large part in discouraging proactive behaviour i also feel as though cultural programming plays a large part in the amount of anxiety people feel when attempting different things but i also feel as though cultural deprogramming is possible if an individual populates their experiences with positive experiences contrary to what cultural programming taught them. the real tldr is i think that the only way to treat anxiety without medications or therapy is confront anxiety attacks and attempt experiences which cause them - by doing so the individual will have positive experiences which directly contradict the fear anxiety pollutes their mind with. if you feel you have ruined your life lower your standards enough to realise that life isnt a reddit video game there is no highscore its enough to just be alive in the world and trying to do the opposite of some behaviours which ruined your own life (others can be ignored in order of preference) wont kill you, even if theyre difficult. accepting that each new low or height is still rock bottom; that you will likely always feel that you have ruined your life in some way (the sum total of life ruined vs life not ruined is always increasing) - that things always cant get any worse and that things can always get better; this is the positive mindset that is necessary to deconstruct fear and attempt things which cause fear. you have already ruined your life. you are already a loser. if your decision is negative it wont make things worse for you. this is the mindset that works for me so tldr positivity is very important because having a positive mental attitude can be very calming. you should always be thinking positively. "i cant do any worse than i have in the past. it is impossible". that is the mindset that makes living possible

Man, it's giving me anxiety just trying to read and respond to all of this.