#it's not baz's birthday any more but i just saw this again

[forabeatofadrum]

The first El WooWoo of the year! And as the banner says, I’m still reading instead of writing. So here we go. Buckle up, Klainers and ... Snovians (???? is there a name for Snowbaz shippers? This is just Simon. Snowbazzians?) (What would you call Baz fans? Bazzies?).

I am really enjoying these fic rec posts, more than I thought. It also motivates me to read more, which is a win-win. I do have some ideas for Ljubim te again, so I think I’ll start writing them soon. But maybe I will make a separate post for fics, aside from Wip Wednesday and Six Sentence Sunday? Fic Rec Friday?

ANYWAY, buckle up, it’s a long post, so the entire rec + tags will be under cut today!

Some non-fic recs first. Some? One, actually. I am rereading my Kickstarter books for Check, Please! in preparation for the delivery of the Year 4 Kickstarter. I... uh... asked the shipping costs for that campaign as a Christmas gift. But God yeah, I love this webcomic so much. Time to get back to the SMH (Samwell Meme’s Hockey Team).

Up to the fics!

@martsonmars wrote a fic about “consensual biting” between 6 years old: Love Bite. It’s adorable. I love how silly kids can be. And I am a bitch for fics where Lucy lives 😭!

I am catching up on The Rise and Fall of Simon Snow by @confused-bi-queer. I last read chapter 5, and [Jason Mendoza voice] oh Simon and Baz, we’re really in it now. I am upsetti spaghetti.

I am still riding the angst train right into Is It Over Yet? by @jayne89. God I really wish Carmen was actually this good, instead of a plot device for Rachel’s.... uhm... questionable storylines. Really excited for more of this verse.

God, I am really going through it, huh? @thnxforknowingme wrote a 2022 fic in review where she mentioned True Colors, a character study of Quinn between season 2 and 3, and I like the premise. I really enjoyed it. Damn, skank!Quinn had so much potential, but RIB just had to do the wack baby storyline.

This isn’t Jenna’s only fic that I have read. I finally, finally read Miles To Go, and I know a fic this wonderful should have a long and coherent comment, but I am just speechless. So utterly speechless. I started it when it was originally posted, but I had just lost my grandmother and yeah it was the wrong time. Now, we got the message that it’s time for my uncle to collect her ashes. Weird way to go back to a fic, but that’s what happened, and this fic tugged at my heartstrings. I definitely recommend it to everyone.

Also, more Jenna stuff, but insert the Chris Fleming meme here. Was no one ever going to tell me that Jenna has written Hades fic, or was I just supposed to find out by browsing through her AO3 by myself? Aíma.... YOOOO. The relation between Zaggie and blood? Jenna, your mind!

More sad shit? More sad shit! @wellbelesbian really made me say FUCK THE MAGE with the latest chapter of blow on the tinder. Guys, this is such a good fic. Alex, I am so glad you’re continuing it!

Okay, okay, whooo, time out with the angst. @redheadgleek‘s Pierce My Soul is a fluffy gem and I am a bitch for costume crew!Kurt. Although he got promoted here and he designed the costumes, including Blaine’s. There are so many great gems in this fic, but I lost it at Brad Ellis being the piano man. And when the fic mirrored dialogue from the show.... my heart!

I definitely boarded the fluff train now. I saw @letraspal‘s art for @skeedelvee‘s Drunken Kisses. I am all 🥺🥺🥺🥺 about this fic. Simon “He Is Plotting” Snow is amazing. Mix it with Baz “Gay Yearning” Pitch and voila!

@facewithoutheart delves into Simon’s sad childhood, but in a fluffy way, in What I Wouldn’t Give. Simon gets his first plushie and we all cry. I am such a bitch for this concept and Christina helpfully linked to another one, namely to @lifewithoutmotivation​‘s Flamey. I am just overwhelmed on Simon’s behalf! This guy deserves all the gifts and birthday parties! (Also, congrats on the new URL!)

And we’re going to end this rec post with more holiday cheers from the holiday queers (really, did anyone watch The New Normal?) with @1908jmd​‘s Klaine Advent 2022 - With their favourite people. Jen did a true drabble challenge and all the snippets are about the people in Kurt and Blaine’s lives and look I just got very emo over it.

If you’ve already been tagged in a rec, consider that a tag for WIP Wednesday (or Six Sentence Sunday). Also tagging @quizasvivamos @crissmastrees-and-candyklaines @coffeegleek @esperantoauthor @otherworldsivelivedin @caramelcoffeeaddict @sillyunicorn @bazzybelle @dragoneggos @raenestee @tectonicduck @nightimedreamersworld @urban-sith @thnxforknowingme @captain-aralias @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @takitalks @justgleekout @cerriddwenluna @tea-brigade @ivelovedhimthroughworse @moodandmist @whogaveyoupermission @bookish-bogwitch @aroace-genderfluid-sheep @ionlydrinkhotwater @special-bc-ur-part-of-it @larkral @chen-chen-chen-again-chen​ @cutestkilla​ @artsyunderstudy​  

#the plushie thing makes me emo i also have a similar story for it for my SJAEU #tagged in #wip wednesday

[bazzybelle]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love ♥️

Hello Anon! Thank you so much for this! I am so sorry that I'm only getting to it now. Thank you also to @amywaterwings and @carryonsimoncarryonbaz for the tags.

5) Speak My Language of Love (Teen, 8K)

It isn't always easy to say what the heart feels. Words get jumbled, thoughts get hazy, and nerves sometimes keep us from expressing the things we want to express. Fortunately, where words fail, actions speak. And for some, that's the best way to show the person you love just how much you love them. That's the case for Simon Snow after all.

This was a fic, I wrote back in 2020, for @carryonsimoncarryonbaz's birthday, who wanted fluffy, domestic, in-love SnowBaz. I gave them a 5+1 fic about love languages and the way that Simon and Baz show their love for each other. I also added a little kinda twist, but it's a really subtle one. I just really loved writing this fic and just going all out tooth-rotting fluff with it.

4) Love is a Dream of Beauty (General, 4K)

I am known by many names in this court. Signore Pitch is one, but I find that to be dreadfully formal. I am not a master, nor am I nobility (well… not anymore). Amongst my peers and the scholars at the Academy, as well as the members of Lorenzo’s court, I am referred to as Tyrannus (which is probably worse than Signore Pitch, but these Florentines do love their classical history). My closest friends (of which I can count on one hand) refer to me as Basil or Baz, which is frankly what I prefer. It was what my mother and father called me before they died. There is also what enemies of the Medici like to refer to me as: The Displaced Prince. I would find it rather insulting, if I wasn’t so amused by it.

So, I wrote this fic back in 2019, for the Carry On Countdown. The prompt was Time Travel, so I toyed with the idea of a historical AU I wanted to write. This is on my list for several reasons, I remember writing this fic in like a couple of hours, wanting to dive deeper into their story. I love Renaissance Florence, and everything about it. And... it was after writing this fic that I decided to start COTTA (@carryonthroughtheages). I saw all the wonderful historical AUs, and I felt we needed an event to showcase our beloved characters in different historical settings. I had actually started to write the rest of this fic during the first COTTA year, but stopped when research became too overwhelming... It's still there, in my WIP folder, waiting to hopefully come alive again.

3) So Close, We've Always Been (Explicit, 12K)

Simon Snow has worked in security for most of his life, having dealt with some of the most difficult clients. None has come as close to being as frustrating as Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch. The man is stuck-up, arrogant, and a complete arsehole. He's rude, careless, and Simon really should have quit months ago. Until there's something more that keeps him by Baz's side... Namely him being the best shag Simon's ever had. He may insist that the nights with Baz mean nothing, but not even he can prevent the feelings that start to flicker beneath the sheets.

I wrote this fic, in 2021 for the @carryon-anon-fest. Honestly, this was one of my favourite fests to participate in. I loved the idea that everything was so secretive. You didn't know who gave the prompts, and who filled them. I felt that took the pressure off of writing, and I really just had the most fun writing it. Also, it's a Bodyguard AU, and since publishing this fic, I keep having scenarios to put them in. I dunno... maybe I'll some more Bodyguard AUs?

2) keep me warm (the 'go and kiss him' remix) (Explicit, 8K)

Baz knows it's a stupid idea to sneak into the Catacombs. Any other day would be asking for trouble, but tonight, of all days? He's walking right into the lion's den, and he knows it. But, this is the evening before the Final Big Battle, and he has some final loose ends to take care of. Getting caught by Simon Snow is certainly NOT one of them. Baz knows this is the end. This is what it's all been coming down to, right? Him verses Simon; The Villain verses The Golden Boy; The Dark verses The Light. In the end, both Simon and Baz know what is right and what needs to be done. There is simply no other way. But... What if there is? What if there is something better than fighting?

I realize this is a love letter to my favourite fests, consider 4/5 favourite fics have been written for fests... BUT ANYWAY. This was written for another fest that I adore, @carryonremix. I participated twice in this fest (writing The Best Game You Can Name for the first one) (which came REALLY close behind number 5) (so I'm giving it an honourable mention). This was another fic that I had SO much fun writing. Getting to remix one of @im-gettingby's fic was an absolute joy (you need to read their stuff, because their fics are INCREDIBLE). Not to mention, at the time of writing it, it was one of the hottest smut fics I'd written (but... that may change once I publish my CORB fic).

1} Falling Back To You (Teen, 54K)

When a magician comes into their magic, they gain the ability to communicate with their soulmate. From the time they turn eleven, any message they write on their skin ends up on the skin of their soulmate. There are rules, as magic always has: only they can write to their soulmate and they can’t reveal their names to each other until they turn 18. Losing a soulmate connection is practically unheard of. When Simon Snow suddenly loses his, he knows just who to blame: it must be the doing of his ever-scheming roommate. For Baz Pitch, losing his soulmate is really just an inevitable side-effect of being a vampire. It confirms, once and for all, that he is a monster. After all, how can one still have a soulmate if they no longer have a soul?

Last year's @carry-on-big-bang fic is my favourite fic I've written. It has all of my favourite elements, soulmates, emo music, Simon saving Baz from Numpties, I was so proud of this fic when I finished. It was also the first fic I wrote that surpassed 50K, and I felt really good about that (though my COBB this year will most definitely beat that WC). I loved that I also wrote something I hadn't seen before in the fandom; The idea of Rejecting one's Soulmate. What would happen if you have a soulmate, but reject them (accidentally or not). I would love to see this trope more in the fandom, because there are so many other ways one could take this idea.

Ok tagging... I'm gonna tag some old friends and some new friends. I wanna get back into reading CO fic, so SEND ME YOUR BEST ONES!

@f-ing-ruthless-baz, @fight-surrender, @ninemagicks, @palimpsessed, @tea-brigade, @facewithoutheart, @martsonmars, @aroace-genderfluid-sheep, @urban-sith, and @confused-bi-queer.

#favourite fics #belle babbles #tag game

[wizkiddx]

hiii!!! omg please please pleasee do a part two of 3 hearts broken cus it fucking slaps miss girl

part 2 to 3 broken hearts!!! ive been so 🥺 at all the lovely comments+interest pt 1 had so thanku all !

summary: serious serious angst again will tom somehow get it back (unlike looking cos boy is a fool)

warnings: again lots of swearing (im British sorry not sorry) / wayyyy too much tea / slating Dom abit (obvs fictional but idk if I like the guy sorry his opinions are :/) / commitment issues

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

read part 1 here!!!!

That was three days ago now. Three days since you'd spoken to your boyfrien- well, Tom. It wasn't evident what the situation was.

The typical British weather brought with it the most ironic pathetic fallacy you could ever see. The clouds were dark and glooming, firing angry pellets of rain out as hard as they could. When you had pulled up on the roadside, it had just been a light drizzle but synchronised with your anxiety levels rising - so did the rain. When you finally opened up the car door, you threw your hoodie open with a sigh before running up the pathway to the front door.

It was the same burgundy red that you knew so well, but this time instead of just letting yourself in - you stood in the rain used the brass knocker thing twice. To be honest, you were hoping that no one was home - but in that house, it was pretty unlikely. After 30 seconds of getting drenched in the downpour, you were about to let yourself in with the spare key before the door swung open.

"Oh! Er Y/n?"

"Yeh um hi." You had to shout a bit over the sound of what must now be classified as a storm.

"Toms not-"

"I know. Can I come in?" As awkward and stunted as this conversation was, if you didn't get out of the rain asap you would literally end up drowned.

“Oh er yeh-yeh yeh come in.”

Harry stammered as he held the door open, gesturing for you to enter into the tiled hallway. Gratefully, you followed, throwing your sopping wet hood back down and wiping your feet on the floor.

"Sorry for just showing up, but I left some scripts here. My management are on my arse to read them and-"

"And you waited till Tom left for mum and dads?" The fluffy-haired boy has caught you red-handed; there was no defence, so you didn't even try.

Because yes, you knew on a Friday afternoon when Tom was home he would always, like clockwork, go to his parents just to kick back and watch gogglebox with both of them. It was only natural then that you chose Friday afternoon to come and pick up your stuff.

"I've been waiting in my car for half an hour till I saw him leave." Harry half laughed at that, still the two of you standing opposite each other in the hallway. "Um, do you… do you hate me Harry?"

Clearly, he hadn't quite been expecting your question going by the way his eyes almost bugged out his head.

"No, I-I, of course, I don't… look, I'm home alone so you fancy a cuppa?" Not being able to help the small chuckle, you nodded appreciatively, following Harry through the house.

"Your answer to everything is tea."

Harry had prepared the two mugs in silence as you sat at the table waiting patiently - if nervously too. You didn't miss how Harry had still used your favourite mug, having had to dig through the cupboard to find the weird square-shaped thing. Once done, he rounded the kitchen island and placed it in front of you, which you instantly cradled in two hands - for the hope of warming you up.

"You cold?" Obviously, it was pretty evident that sitting in your rain-soaked hoodie was not cosy at all. "Hang on a sec."

The boy sprung up again, returning moments later with a hoodie in hand, one he offered out to you with a little smile. The issue was that him and Tom shared clothes, so the hoodie he was kindly offering to you also had been worn by Tom before. Which made it hurt a little bit to wear. It was better than sitting soaked through though.

"How have you been then?"

"Not the best, to be honest, but uh… how about you?"

"Being with Tom while he's fighting with you? Oh, it's a barrel of laughs. You might've escaped it, but I haven't." He was trying to lighten the mood, and you appreciated it, offering him a half-smile that didn't really meet your eyes.

"Yeh sorry about that."

"Don't apologise; it doesn't sound like it's your fault Y/n."

That surprised you. Tom, especially when he was in moods like he was when you argued, wasn't one to admit when he was wrong. It was usually how the world was against him and how he was so hard done by. Accepting responsibility was something he hadn't said to you yet - but at least, small steps.

"He say that?"

"Pretty much… doesn't seem like he's angry at you, but-but he's still angry."

"At the world?" You rolled your eyes; this seemed to be the same old Tom through and through. Still immature. Still not with the right mindset.

"At himself." Harry countered, slightly entertained, when he saw the flash of surprise in your face as he sipped his drink. "And me… if I dare to so much as breathe this week."

This time you properly laughed, and Harry joined in too before the room fell back to silence - except the noise of the rain hitting the garden patio slats. You swirled the tea round in your mug, feeling the brunette's eyes on you. He'd always been your fake little brother too, since you'd met the Hollands way back 3 and a half years ago. Tom and yourself were barely adults, which meant the twins were still proper children. Harry had always been the one that understood you. Hollands, by nature, loved humans - loved to talk, to chat, to gossip. But sometimes, doing all that socialising got too much for you, as it did for Harry. He was the only one that seemed to understand social exhaustion. So when those moments had hit, you'd kept each other company in silence.

He got you, sometimes in ways your own boyfriend didn't.

"You know why he got so worked up, right?" You shook your head, looking up curiously. "Dad got under his skin on his birthday zoom thing."

Ah, now that did seem to coincide with the start of Tom's more petulant phase. To be fair, Tom had been asking to move in together for near enough a year now - but it was only in the past month it seemed to be the only thing you'd talk about and obviously only three days since the flight back. Dom's birthday barely a week ago, whilst you and Tom were both filming - except Tom had managed to get a day off where you hadn't. So you hadn't heard this conversation.

"What'd he say?"

"Was talking about how he and mum were settling down at Toms age, joked about how you rejected him, said maybe you were holding out for something better."

"Something better?" Harry sighed, leaning forward onto his elbows.

"He'd seen an article just off a trashy tabloid… it named you Hollywood's golden girl or something, said you could have the pick of any person on the planet…"

Of all the people in the world, why is Tom affected by shit journalism? He knows how much bullshit people write. He knows how it's all made up, exaggerated nonsense. And what he should know, completely and totally, is how much you love him. And if he didn't, was that your fault? Had you done something wrong, something to make him doubt you?

Harry seemed to notice the internal dialogue going on in your head, adding to the point. "It wasn't the article though, it was the fact dad said it."

Hmmm.

You and Dom got on; it wasn't like you hated the possible future father in law or whatever. Just…. you had very different outlooks. As much as Tom prided himself on how' grounded his family keeps him' -to you at least, they aren't entirely at sea level either. They'd never really had any particular struggles in life. They were the definition of middle class, and that's about it. They lived in a posh suburb of London, had all their family still around. It was the perfect family.

And whilst you were in no illusions about how privileged your life was now. It hadn't always been. You'd never had the 'nuclear' family. Instead, only your dad and a string of dodgy and fleeting stepmothers while struggling to make ends meet. So you were just always wary of Dom, of his opinions that so often his boys took for gospel. They always seemed pretty sheltered and close-minded.

And yet, Tom was a grown man.

"I get that, I just… Tom should know that we know more about our relationship than his dad. I mean,… have I done something wrong? Made him think I'm not in this for the long haul?"

"No nonono Y/n he's just… well he's an idiot, isn't he? I don't think he properly understands why you're cautious about moving and everything. He's just an idio- "

Harry was cut off for lightly insulting his brother by the sound of the front door opening, both of your heads swivelling towards the source. You then met Harry's eyes in a panic, to which he replied relatively simply.

"Just talk to each other. For my sake." You would've argued if it weren't for the fact you were so focused on Tom's shuffling around in the entrance hallway - back early from his parents.

"Baz? Where you at? I thought I saw Y/n's car and-"

"Kitchen!!!" Before Tom could say anything else, possibly landing himself in more trouble, Harry interrupted as his chair screeched while standing up. And then Tom was just there. Standing in the doorway, his arms dropping limply to his side as he noticed you. Everything about that moment seemed to freeze, when you locked eyes with him for the first time in three days. It didn't go unnoticed, the way his Adams apple bobbed, the way his eyes widen. The boy looked plain and simply terrified.

It was Harry who broke the silence, after giving you a stern look that said 'stay'. The younger Holland boy walked up to Tom and spoke.

"Try actually talking and actually listening about your problems with each other." And then he was gone, down the hallway and up the stairs.

For a few moments, Tom stayed absolutely stationary, now staring at where Harry had been when speaking to the both of you (but mainly Tom). Long enough to put your sense of unease at an all-time high, ready to make a break for it.

"If you don't want to talk, then I can leav-"

"NO!" Apparently snapping out of it, Tom exclaimed loud enough to make you flinch from your seat. "Sorry! I-I just… I wasn't expecting to… you know, to see you."

"Yeh I just uh- just came to pick up some scripts… Harry cornered me with a tea, though; otherwise, I'd be…."

"Baz thinks the whole world could be fixed with tea."

"that's what I said!" You instinctively responded, forgetting the fact you're supposed to be mad at him, and just for a second falling back into your normal flow.

Tom didn't even try to hide his grin in response, until you quickly corrected your face- then he did too. Turning around to put the kettle on for himself. Because right now, he needed to fix his whole world, and he needed all the help he could get. For a period, the only noise was the sound of the kettle boiling, then the teaspoon clinking against the mug as he stirred - until he padded over, taking the seat across from you.

"So."

"So."

"It's been a while," Tom stated the bloody obvious.

"You never called."

"Didn't think you'd want me to."

You thought that the early signs weren't all that auspicious. His ability to read a situation once again failing.

"I wanted you to say something."

"Say what?"

"What do you think Tom?" He replied to the sarcastic tone by sucking in a sharp breath, holding it for a second, before slowly exhaling. As if trying to compose himself, take time to think of a response - a mature move for him.

"Well, I think you want me to say sorry? For being so moody and not waiting for you and for upsetting those kids. And thanks too, for covering for me?"

You just hummed. Waiting for him to continue. Because yes, you did deserve all those things. But you also deserved more. An apology for, oh I don't know, saying he didn't think you loved him? It was a wait that never ended, he had nothing more to add.

"Going by your face, I take it I missed something?"

The bloody cheek of it.

"Theres nothing else? Nothing else at all? …" You gave him that chance, the opportunity but all he could respond with was a shake of his head. "You thought I was fine about you saying that I don't love you?" You hadn't intended on raising your voice, but really you hadn't realised you did till after the fact. To blinded by rage at his ignorance.

"You want to talk about this now?"

"When else Tom?" You sighed, realising he perhaps wasn't ready for this conversation. Maybe he needed more time to think things through, have sense talked into him by various wiser family members. Or maybe, he never would be. That was the worst-case scenario. But also… you're most likely prediction.

He shuffled in his seat, clearing his voice but not saying anything. Not a peep.

"I have spent three years of my life with you. I've had countless nights of too little sleep because that was the only time you could facetime. I've exposed my relationship to the world and people's opinions because you didn't want to hide. All I've done is love you. How could you even say that?" There might've been tears in your eyes, yet you were determined to keep them at bay. You needed to have this out, one way or another, to be clear and cohesive and logical. No time to cry.

"Y/n I know that, I…" He sighed, instinctively reaching for your hand, but you were quicker to pull it away. There was hurt in his eyes, but so there should be. "It just sometimes feels like that's it for you. That yeh you love me but you just want to standstill. That this is as much as it'll ever be."

Your emotions were suddenly uncontainable. Your voice croaked as you whispered, "Have I done something wrong?"

"No love, nonono if that's how you feel then that's okay. But it's something I'm not… shit this is hard." He took a pause to take a sip of his drink, your glazed eyes never leaving his. "I don't think I can stand still anymore. And yeh I was pissy and childish the other day because my dad got under my skin about the whole moving in thing… But these past few days, it just has got me thinking. Because I love you, so much."

This time when he reached out to grab your hand, you actually leaned into it yourself. Not because you were giving in, but because this hurt. This hurt so fucking much that you needed something to ground you, or else god knows. Because the way he was speaking, it sounded so finite.

"I love you too."

"I do know, which is…is why this is so hard." At the very least, Tom had conceded that.

The conversation ceased to silence yet again. The room felt so cold; even Tom/Harry's hoodie was doing nothing to keep you from the endless empty cold that seemed to be coming from within.

"When I re-registered my health card last month, and I made you my emergency contact on it. I-I made you my next of kin on everything actually. I didn't think about it twice. And-and this-"You pulled your phone out of your back pocket, immediately pulling up the app onto the open page. "This is my Pinterest board for our baby's nursery theme. I know-" You paused, to quickly wipe your cheeks clear of the tear tracks that may or may not have been there. "I know it's probably a long way away, but I just love the Scandinavian theme." You laughed at yourself, suddenly embarrassed at your blabbering and quickly pulled up a different app. "And this… this was from the other week when I was helping Y/bf/n start her vows." Hands trembling as you turned the phone around for Tom to see again. "She was finding it really tricky so she said, what would you say to Tom on your wedding, so-so I made this list." You only dared to look at him when you were sure he'd be reading through that note.

It was bizarre because he looked… well, he looked happy. Here you were feeling traumatised, showing things that you'd barely even deeped how committed they were - and he was pleased? Feeling the fire burn once again inside of your chest, you quickly swiped the phone away and back into your pocket. Only then did he look up, eyes widening - presumably at quite how psychotic you looked.

"So don't you dare say that I don't want a future with you."

You said it with such force, there was a pause. Tom letting those words sink deep into his brain. The way his expression flickered minutely gave you hope. You thought he got it. You thought he really understood now.

"But why don't you want to move in then?"

There it was again. He knew why. But he didn't get it. And, probably, he never would.

You were about to crash completely. So you ran. As fast as your legs could carry you, not even aware of your chair crashing to the floor in your wake. You ran out of that house and away from him. Away from who you had thought was the love of your life.

?give tom a final chance w one last part?

feedback is always v v appreciated <3

tom taglist : @lovehollandy12 @hollandlover19 @thefernandasantana @hunnybunimdun @hallecarey1@cedricdiggorysimpp @msmimimerton @hollandfanficlove @pandaxnienke @crossyourpeter @thegirlwiththeimpala @tom-softie @sunwardsss @spiitfiiires @radcloudenthusiast @ladykxxx08

people i think might be interestd in this (sorry if not just let me know and i'll remove the tag!!!): @obiwanownsmyass @wildxwidow @parkersvogue @coffeewithoutcaffeine @tomhollandlol @thefallenbibliophilequote @clumsymandu @hiraethenthusiast @mannien @abrielleholland @evermorehabit @niallberry @greatpizzascissorstaco @runawayolives @annathesillyfriend @letsgotothemoonlight @lovelybarnes

#tom x reader #tom holland fic #tomholland #tom holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland fluff #tom holland angst #famous!reader #tom holland x famous!reader #tom holland x actress!reader #harry holland

[imatechbummerliketomholland]

I wish this trip never ends (sstbthw part 2) - h.h

Word count: 3768

Warning: angst, swear, mention of smoking

Pairing : harry holland

Request: no.

N/A: okay, i took me almost a whole month to write this but i'm kinda need to work on school too. Remember, english is not my first language, so be kind if you spot mistakes, i really tried my best. I asked you who the reader was supposed to end up with ... I'll let you figure it out but ... don't hate me for the end ... because after all ... it might not be the end. Don’t hesitate to tell me what you think of the fic! Love you all! xx

taglist : @angeliquekalampoka , @harryhollandsgirlfriend (the one and only harry holland's girlfriend to me)

ღღღ

previously - and you can find part 3

Restoring a relationship of trust and regaining the bond that you both had was particularly difficult. You had to learn to find your place in Harrison's life, but also in his relationship with Grace. You were roommates and friends, but it was complicated to plan meetings with Harrison's busy schedule. Between his job search after the cancellation of his Netflix series, his photo shoots, his dates with Grace, those with his family. It was getting harder and harder to find a moment to reunite with the two of you. It was without counting your schedule.

You were supposed to meet at noon for lunch at that restaurant Harrison told you about where he took his mother earlier this year, for Mother's Day. You felt uncomfortable going to such a place. It was very fancy; you had taken a look at the menu and you knew in advance that you would not be able to afford to split the bill. That was sometimes one of the downsides of being friends with Tom and Harrison. They sometimes forgot that their salary was significantly higher than yours. After all, they were still simple, good-natured guys, never saying no to a quick takeout meal or ordering pizza, drinking a beer at the local pub. And sometimes, they offered to go to prestigious places, not paying attention to money, wanting to please their friends or family.

Currently you were in your room. You were throwing countless of clothes across the room, trying to choose what you could wear to this lunch. Harry stopped dead when one of your dresses flew out of your room, right in front of his nose, blocking his way. You had left your door open and your spontaneity got the better of your best friend.

“Easy, Tiger. I had no idea your clothes had the capacity of Dr. Strange's cape.” He joked before coming into your bedroom.

You turned to find Harry leaning against your doorframe, a smirk encrusted on his face. You gave him an unamused frown and his smile widened. This wasn’t funny at all; you were stressed as hell. It’s not like you still had feelings for Harrison and try to impress him – to be honest, you still had feeling for your friend, but not as intense as before, you had drawn a definitive line on the possibility of a romantic relationship with him, which had helped you a lot. – But you didn’t want to be dressed down and looked like a clown.

“Come on Munchkin, it’s just a lunch. At worst, Harrison can still make it looks like he invited you out for charity, sort of “Make a Wish” event” Harry joked, in his significant humor.

“Go to hell, Robert. Don’t you have a pack bag to make, mister “I’m going to Spain to help my superstar brother to hold his tea while he’s filming”?”

“Rude… I’m a film director, now”

Not for that, you thought to yourself, but don't have the balls to tell your best friend. You didn't want to take this joke too far. You smiled at his cute pretending offended face. You pouted mockingly before biting your lip. You loved the dynamics of your relationship so much. Your humor, sarcasm, your outspokenness, that's what brought you together. Harry pulled you lightly from your closet with a comforting wink. He chose Yves Saint Laurent poppy red wool jersey flared pants that Tom gave you on your birthday. You smiled at his choice. You liked these pair of pants because they were sparkling with vitality, the color was flamboyant. Harry then gave you a satin pearl-colored shirt from Zara and you laughed at the drastic brand difference.

“Oh I see. A classy look but no more than £ 1000 that's pretty smart,” you joked.

The choice of your outfit once again proved the reality of hanging out with wealthy people. You were not poor; you could even be grateful for the life you had had. But it would never occur to you to give your friends clothes that were going over the miles and cents. To be honest, you wanted it. You wanted to live up to the gifts your friends sometimes gave you. But the truth seemed quite different: you had cried over the price of a used Rolex you wanted to give Tom for his birthday. Even having saved for 6 months, you could not afford such a gift.

“Shut up, don’t be so dramatic. Wear that necklace Harrison gave you for Christmas. I’m sure you’ll look fine”

“Thank you,Baz…I guess. ”

You kissed his cheek and then invited him out of your room so you could get ready. It didn't take you more than thirty minutes, time to put on the outfit your best friend had chosen and to put on light makeup. When you were finally ready, you walked to Tom's room. He had offered to take you to the restaurant where you were to join Harrison. But when you got to his ajar door, you could hear the soft sound of a slight snoring. You let out a chuckle before ordering an Uber. You knew he had spent almost a full month in Los Angeles and hadn't returned until early last week. You wanted to leave him as much as possible alone so that he could rest before his trip to Spain for the reshoots of his film Uncharted. Tom was a boy who loved being in touch with those close to him, but you also felt his need to recharge his batteries. That's why you preferred to let him sleep.

You went down to the kitchen to pour yourself a glass of water before leaving. When your Uber arrived, you left a note on the refrigerator to let the boys know you were safely gone. It was little everyday things that made you look normal that you enjoy. A post-it on the fridge, a table organizing household chores had been drawn up. Note to yourself; It was Harrison's turn to take care of the laundry.

☙♡❧

You had really hoped this was just a grotesque nightmare. That it wasn't real. He was going to arrive; he was just stuck into the traffic. Isn't it?

But you were there, waiting for over an hour and a half, without any news from your friend. Some people watched you with pity eyes, the others didn't give you any attention. You internally thank Harry for choosing your outfit. You didn't look like a lost kitten in this prestigious setting. It didn't prevent you from being ashamed right now. The waiter had urged you to order several times but you had told him that you were expecting someone, that he would arrive any minute. The last time, you didn't know if you were trying to convince him or yourself.

But it never happened. Harrison never came to your dinner. You were alone, sitting at a table, pathetically waiting for your friend to show up. It didn't look like him. He had never stand you up before. And not to improve this embarrassing moment, the waiter came to you again. This time, with a man in a suit. He was elegant, carried himself proud but diplomatic. They stopped at your table, a tight smile on their faces. No doubt the man in the suit was to be the manager.

"Miss, my employee told me that you seemed to have occupied this table for a while now. I am sorry to tell you that if you do not order a few things, you will have to leave the establishment"

You looked at him with misty eyes. You have never been so ashamed in your life. You just nod your head, not trusting your voice just yet. After taking a deep breath, you finally apologize to them before telling them that you are going to leave. The manager of the restaurant, out of politeness awkwardly apologizing for this uncomfortable situation.

You've finished the Dry Martini that you allowed yourself to, paying for it with whatever pride you have left. You pulled your cellphone out of your purse and decided to call one of the boys. After three rings, he picked up.

"Hey ... can you please pick me up?"

Your voice was shaky, you were so ashamed but it was less distressing than having to walk the Walk of Shame to your house or cry in an uber. You hung up and shared your location. You left the lobby, leaving the restaurant, standing in front of the entrance to the establishment. The air refreshed your cheeks burning with shame. Luckily it wasn't raining today. Which was pretty nice compared to that early summer you had had.

When you saw Harry's car pulled up in front of you, you slid into the passenger seat without a word. The curly redhead gave you a heartwarming smile but you definitely could see a spark of annoyance in his eyes. You sigh, resigned while shrugging your shoulders. It was obvious that your friendship with Harrison was still shaky.

"I'm sorry, love. He's a jerk about it."

Coincidentally, like a mitigating circumstance, your phone vibrated, receiving a notification from Harrison. You were chewing your lip with a sort of anguish and irritation, watching the message the blond had sent you.

"I'm sorry. So sorry. My agent called me for a pretty urgent casting briefing. She's detained me until now. Are you still okay for this dinner?"

You were angry. You were mature enough and had known the boys long enough to understand their obligations. The fact that Harrison had a lastminute meeting with his agent and missed your dinner wasn't a problem. The problem was, he made you wait for over an hour and a half before notifying you. You wanted him to call you to let you know, or a simple text just after he knew for the meeting. You typed a short answer, shorter than this was impossible. "No". You rested your head against the headrest, turning your gaze to your best friend.

"Hey, he's a Netflix star now" you replied to his last words.

Your voice cracked on the last syllables and your eyes filled with tears. You weren't usually that emotional but the anguish and shame really took over you. Harry noticed, unsure of how to instantly respond to your distress. He would have liked to stop on an emergency lane to take you in his arms but he already had 2 penalties to pay, respectively for speeding and prohibited parking ... a third fine would not be really welcome. He simply placed his hand on your thigh, drawing circles on your pants to comfort you. He simply moved his hand to shift gears and instantly rested it on your leg whenever he had the chance. This gesture soothed you, enjoying the touch, grateful to have someone as your best friend to mop up your pain.

☙♡❧

Arriving at the apartment, no sign of Harrison. When you walked in the kitchen, you saw Tom sitting at the counter, scrolling his phone. He looked up at you, not directly noticing your annoyed expression.

"Wow..you're ... gorgeous. I love these pants on you"

You smiled, a little amused by the compliment. Of course he loved the pants, it was a gift from him. But your smile didn’t reach your eyes. With a look on your expression then on the clock, the actor understood that something went wrong. Harry was right behind and still no trace of Harrison. It was suspicious. Tom gave you a worried look.

"Do I have to ask…Never mind, I’m still going to ask. How was lunch with Harrison?"

"I don't know, why don't you ask him? Oh wait... right, he didn't show up" you said sarcastically although you could hear the hurt in your voice.

Tom frowned, biting the inside of his lower lip in annoyance. Harrison was his best mate since forever and he knew him so well. It seemed strange from Harrison to not show up. The blond has told him he was happy to see you again and walking through this whole awkward “feeling situation” because he didn’t want to lose you. In a quick movement, he rose from his stool to walk around the counter. The next second, he took you in his comforting arms and you finally let yourself go under the sight of the two Holland brothers.

“It seems like you need a break of all this shit” Tom said while he ran his fingers through your hair.

You let a little laugh escape through your tears. He wasn't wrong. You really needed to get away from this whole situation for a moment. But how? Harry watched the scene unsure of what to do. You were his best friend and it seemed like the solace you found was never in his arms. He had tried in the car, however, as best he could. He walked over to the counter to make you both a cup of tea. It seems that as cliché as it sounds, tea comforts you, as the English person you used to be. As the redhead waited patiently for the water to boil, a flash of genius - according to him - crossed the glare of his eyes.

“Why doen't she come with us to Spain?”

His brother's words seemed to suit Tom, who released his hold on you. You opened your eyes wide, not sure of what you had just heard. Go to Spain, with them? Once again, you knew you were going to argue on this proposition. The idea was not bad, Spain seemed a rather pleasant country. But you had just graduated and had a student job to save as much as possible. However, you could not afford to leave for several days in Spain, at the last minute. Plus, what were you going to do while Tom was filming and Harry was assisting him? He was sure the film's production crew wasn't going to give you a pass because Tom had decided.

“Yeah! That’s it, you’re coming with us”

“Tom, I have a student job. I can’t just…decide to go to Spain.”

“You never take a leave, come on. It’s not negotiable”

You were looking at Harry for help but he just shrugged. After all, he was the one who had initiated the idea of ​​including you on the trip. You were trying to find a valid excuse to stay home. You really didn't want to impose yourself.

“I can’t afford that” you said, trying your best to convince him to quit the idea.

“I don’t care, it’s not even a problem. You coming to Spain with us.”

"Omg, does Z dominate you in bed to make you so bossy in life?"

Harry almost spitted his tea and laughed out loud while Tom gave you shocked eyes with pinky cheeks. You had always been sassy but hanging out with the boys had made you even more sassy than ever. How many times haven't you heard Tuwaine or Harry make fun of Harrison or Tom on the sex subject? Being a girl seemed to make you an untouchable character. The boys had never teased you about your relationships or your sexual partners. And while you've always had feelings for Harrison, you've had your own experiences. Anyway, you had just gone with the flow and Tom's brand-new romantic relationship with his co-star gave you the perfect opportunity.

“That's not the point.” stammered the actor.

Your smile widened, proud of your joke and the way Tom reacted. You heard Harry clear his throat. He had his phone in his hand and his own smile didn't bode well for you.

"The production is okay but it's at Tom's expense."

“You got to be kidding me…”

☙♡❧

You ended up in Spain with two of your best friends. You knew you had limited time before Tom had to fly back to Los Angeles for some Spider-man: No Way Home reshoots. So, you enjoyed as much as possible: accompanying the boys to the golf course - even though you weren't very involved in the sport -, spending time to visit touristic places when they were on set, talking with Rachael and other people from the set. You really enjoyed your trip.

On Wednesday evening you went out to a restaurant with Tom, Harry and two other friends/tom’s colleagues. You couldn't deny that it was fun. You had the opportunity to sunbathe a little while walking through the streets of Madrid. Spain was doing you good and not once did you think about your wobbly friendship with Harrison. You've just left the restaurant when a few fans politely show up to take pictures with Tom. You couldn't help but smile at the thought of how kind Tom had always taken in a few snaps when his fans approached him respectfully - and there weren't too many of them -. You sighed with pleasure before stepping away from the group. You leaned against a wall and took out the packet of cigarettes that Tom had asked you to keep in your clutch bag. Being an occasional smoker, he wouldn't blame you if you took one from him. You tilted your head back to admire the dark starry night when you felt a presence by your side. You narrowed your eyes in mischief as you looked sideways: Harry was there, his nose wrinkled from your cigarette. He didn't like it too much Silence filled your bubble despite the hubbub outside. You were in public and it was not surprising to meet travelers and Madrid residents mingling with the crowd to enjoy this pleasant evening.

"I wish this trip never ends." You finally said, breaking the silence.

Harry didn't know what to say to that. Instead, he was just looking at you. You were a little tanned, the Madrid sun had done wonders on you; your loose hair framed your face and the summer dress you had chosen for the restaurant looked great on you: It was a short red floral summer dress with a shingle collar. Light enough to keep you from suffocating but decent to wear on any casual occasion. You were beautiful, stunning. His heart exploded at the sight of you, so much that it hurt a few times.

"I wish I had been there for you more." he finally confessed

You finally turned your head towards him and shrug your shoulders, smiling shyly but sincerely.

“You were working, Baz”

“I meant…not only here in Spain. I’m sorry to have let you down recently”

You give him a confused look. He hadn't been a bad friend but he kept implying it. You just shook your head negatively to brush his words away. Harry had always been important to you. He had been the first to step towards you. It was him who introduced you to the rest of the gang. He had always been concerned about you.

The night you met, you immediately clicked up with him. And to be honest, for a moment, you thought he liked you that night. But he never took that step towards you and you never did either. You dreaded that if you kissed him, he would think you were interested in his notoriety by proxy. So you just acted like any reasonable person would - accept the status he gave you. And the second time he asked you to join him with his brother and his friends, you met Harrison and your heart exploded.

"I'm glad you brought me here"

“I'm happy you accepted to come.”

“I didn't really have the choice, Baz” you joked.

He laughed slightly. You weren't wrong, he and Tom had practically dragged you onto the plane, leaving you no choice to be by their side. But you could only thank them, especially Harry who had the idea. You took another hit on your cigarette before leaning back to check out where Tom was with his fans. He seemed to be talking with the girls and didn't seem overwhelmed. So, you didn't want to interrupt him and were just going to wait for him to finish. Harry played with his hands nervously, looking straight ahead and then at you. He seemed to be repeating this game for several seconds before finally asking the question that was in his mind.

“Have you heard from Harrison?” Harry asked quite casually

“He sent me several texts to apologize and wished me to have a good time in Madrid.”

“Do you still have feelings for him?”

You swallow hard before looking at him. There was an indecipherable glint in his eyes and you weren't sure what to make of it. You drew another puff from your cigarette, maybe that would save you from entering this conversation. But Harry's presence was all around you and you couldn't really escape. So you've decided to be honest.

“It’s complicated. I suppose so...”

“Mhmm”

“But my friendship with Haz is important, I don't want to lose him because of it.”

“Yeah, you can't imagine how well I understand you” he sighed

“What do you mean? Who’s the lucky girl..or guy ?”

Harry turned to you frankly and you did the same, stubbing out the half-smoked cigarette. You are well aware that the conversation was taking a more serious turn. He moistened his lips and walked over to you. Harry was full of things: he was full-loving, sarcastic, talented, daring, impertinent. But Harry was mostly awkward when it came to love. Not just an attraction, no, love with real feeling. Delicately, hesitantly, he reached out to your cheek, stroking it with the back of his fingers, cautiously. You were frozen, your eyes fixed on him admiring his audacity.

"She's the most beautiful girl I ever seen." he said with a small smile.

Harry walked over to you and your heart was pounding at breakneck speed. Harry had ... feelings for you? You were really confused. Since when had he developed his feelings? Why didn't he tell you about it? Why hadn't he tried anything so far? So, were you right from the start? Was there a tension between you since the beginning of your friendship, since your met? But above all, did you want him to take that step? Instinctively, your body responded. You parted your lips and closed your eyes. You enjoyed the warmth of his hand on your cheek and were waiting for the touch of his lips. But it never happened.

"Hey baz, y/n..we're going back to the hotel" Tom said, taking his eyes off his phone. "I…Mhmm sorry, did I interrupt something?"

#harry holland #harry holland x reader #harry holland fic #haz osterfield #harrison osterfield x reader #harrison osterfield #tom holland

[pleasereadmeok]

A Goode Year? Review of 2020

Can’t believe it’s that time again.  What a weird year.  Despite Covid and Lockdowns we have actually seen quite a lot of Matthew Goode this year - so this is a long post to save for when you are bored of eating over the holidays!    I’m not adding links to vids, etc. like previous years because tumblr doesn’t like them anymore [Grr] but all of them are still available and I’ll signpost them. 

In January Matthew was finishing filming A Discovery of Witches Season 2 in Turin and we had some glimpses of his leather clad bod in some Teresa Palmer instastories - 

...and in Sky’s ‘blink and you’ll miss it’ Excellent sneak peek. 

... and Joshua’s uncle Lee gave us a few gorgeous pics ...

In February we saw Matthew and Sophie having fun at the Pre - BAFTA party 

[Pics - Dave Benett] 

The rest of that month was all about Leap Year’s 10 year anniversary and we drooled over Declan all over again ....

In March Matthew was finishing filming Silent Night with Keira Knightley when the world changed.  We were introduced to ‘social distancing’.    We had to keep a full Matthew Goode length away from other people - a handy reference is below to remind you -

[Pic - Ellen Von Unwerth]   On the upside the news broke that Matthew would be playing Keira’s husband in Silent Night (as we suspected) and that they had finished filming before lockdown in the UK.  

In April Matthew had his 42nd birthday.  Check out all of the fabulous birthday tributes posted on here around 3rd April.  As a special birthday present Sky released ‘Four Kids and It’ on their cinema channel on the same day with Matthew playing the role of slightly harassed parent David.  It was a goode family movie and just what we needed in lockdown. 

[Pics - Sky Cinema] 

In May we got our first glimpse of Matthew in lockdown when he made a poignant contribution to Bletchley Park’s VE Day celebrations - 

[Vid available on Bletchley Park You Tube] 

It was perfectly judged - just Matthew filming himself on his phone, in his garden, complete with birdsong.  

“This is your finest hour.”

According to James Purefoy and Joe Fattorini Matthew shaved off his hair with the dog clippers in lockdown so he looked a bit different the next time we saw him in June!  

Matthew appeared via zoom on ‘Dan Nicholls Really Likes Wine’ show - ‘Drinking the Goode Stuff’.  It was great seeing these old friends bantering away and drinking wine.  Of course Goode fans immediately campaigned to get Matthew on The Wine Show @ Home and we got our wish a few weeks later when Joe and Matthew had a virtual wine tasting on zoom - 

The whole session was hilarious.  Matthew was completely adorable and funny as usual.  Amongst other things Matthew told us that Sophie had gone off pork (not a euphemism) and we got another peek at his beautiful home with Sophie’s interior design skills on show.   This is also still available on The Wine Show @Home You Tube. 

June also gave us the new trailer for ‘The King’s Man’.  We heard Matthew’s unmistakable voice as the Scots bad guy and there were some tantalising peeks of his character’s mysterious alter ego ‘Shepherd’ - 

In July we finally got to see one of Matthew’s Q & A sessions for actors in training at Bow Street Academy in Dublin that he had recorded in May - 

Matthew gave frank, funny and very practical advice on auditions, preparation for roles and demonstrated how to be scary with a knife! 

August was a bit quiet - we got news that A Discovery of Witches Season 2 would now be aired in January 2021 but a new promo image helped soften the blow of that delay. - 

[Pic - Sky]

Kingsman was delayed yet again....  but at least we got some new promo images of Matthew’s character - Captain Maximillian Morton.  (Morton? Hmm - someone on here (not me!)  spotted the relation to Roxy!]

[Pics - Total Film/Empire]

In September Matthew’s new movie ‘The Duke’ received glowing reviews at the Venice Film Festival and we got confirmation of my speculation that he would play barrister Jeremy Hutchinson.  

Tantalisingly goode info about Matthew’s up coming movie Silent Night came from Baz Bamigboye from the Daily Mail as he called it ‘the most astonishing Christmas movie ever made’ - hopefully he meant it in a goode way!  We had fun spotting Matthew’s body parts in the pictures accompanying the article ...  

[Pic Daily Mail] 

Production on A Discovery of Witches season 3 started under strict Covid rules and Matthew was seen filming for ADOW Season 3 in Bristol - 

[Anthony Ward]

October was a very goode month!  

It kicked off with The Wine Show Season 3 teaser - 

Matthew ‘sub-section’ Goode joined in with the ADOW cast Q & A.  He was a funny and engaging as ever including an unforgettable impression of a ‘wafter’ and a hasty exit at the end!  

We had the official ‘first look’ trailer for season 2 of A Discovery of Witches - 

[pic - my edit]

The Wine Show season 3 landed on Amazon Prime in the UK and it is SO goode even tho’ there is less Matthew than usual due to filming clashes with ADOW.  Matthew was still his adorably goofy self and gave us the usual interesting fashion choices and jokes.  

[My Edit] 

October also brought us a new tie in cover for Shadow of Night - 

[Pic - Deborah Harkness Twitter]

And as if that wasn’t enough excitement for October we got the official news that there will be another Downton Abbey movie - starting to film in March 2021. Hopefully we will see more of him in this one! 

[Pic - Carnival]

Matthew usually keeps his charity projects private but in November we saw him donating his ADOW ‘wedding day’ boots to be auctioned for the Small Steps Project ....

...complete with on mud from the set.  Some lucky person is probably stroking that suede as I write this! 

[Pics - Small Steps project] 

Matthew also recorded some charming contributions to the #SaveJenny campaign.  He evicted the dog from her favourite chair by the radiator in the kitchen and sat there to read the opening chapter of Wind in the Willows - 

and later ‘The Night before Christmas’ poem complete with music! 

You can still see these contributions and most importantly DONATE  - links are listed below - 

December has been all about A Discovery of Witches season 2 - with a stunning second trailer and plenty of teasers and pictures from Sky and Bad Wolf - there are too many to include but here’s a few - 

[Pics my edit / sky/badwolf]

So what of next year?  So many goode things to look forward to.  I’ll do ‘Goode Things coming in 2021′ a bit earlier next year because January is gonna be BUSY for Goode fans!   

Thank you SO MUCH for making time to read this blog.  And a big thank you to Goode fans who create content to share with others on here and on matthew-goode.net.  We really appreciate the effort that everyone puts in to sharing the Goode Stuff.  

Lastly I have to thank Matthew Goode who patiently tolerates the fan nonsense while he tries to pretend that he doesn’t actually have any fans anyway!  

Cheers Matthew! 

#matthew goode #matthewgoode #a discovery of witches #adow #the wine show #downton abbey #the duke #silent night #Kingsman

[caitybug]

It may be February but... why not haha. 

Below the cut, organized in chronological order, are the fics I wrote in 2020! All put into one place :D. Thank you to everyone who read, kudos’d, commented, beta’d, and supported my writing. It was my first ever year writing fanfiction, and I am so thankful for all the friends I’ve made because of it.

<3 <3

If Not For You

Word count: 92,461 Chapters: 36 Rating: M

Summary:

Simon was born and raised in the midwest, and he thinks he has his life figured out. He has a girlfriend that he feels happy with, is excited to drive for his junior year, and can't wait to get away from his father when he goes away for school.

However, this all changes when his mom dies and he is carted to the east coast to start at a boarding school. Simon then has to deal with having a roommate (who hates him), living with his mother's death, and wanting to be anywhere but where he is.

To add to it all, one day he gets a strange phone call, and he wonders if his mother's death was really an accident at all.

author’s note:

This was my first like actual fic. And my first try at writing something. This fic will always have a special place in my heart because it helped lead me to all the amazing people I now call friends <3

Not only that but it was a bit of therapy for me. (Self insert? In MY fanfiction? More likely than you’d think!)

Anyway, whenever someone comments, leaves kudos, or otherwise acknowledge that the fic exists I get emotional haha. I also have like three playlists for it too haha.

The Heist

Word Count:7456 Rating:T

Summary:

It's the fourth year of the Halloween heist, and Baz is determined to win. He thinks he has it all planned, that he knows Simon Snow through and through.

Despite this, somehow Simon still manages to surprise him.

author’s note:

b99 AU bahaha. Need I say more??

Pay Your Fines, Snow

Word Count: 1524 Rating: T

Summary:

Baz Pitch works at the local library every summer. He's annoyed at kids who run around, people who don't follow directions, and Simon Snow- who can't pay a fine on time.

author’s note

This fic was the first of the fics that sparked all my crazy prompts haha. It was so much fun to do! 

There is a wonderful podfic of this made by the amazing and beautiful @xivz​, and it also has art now by @peachpit-gabe!! Go check it out here. 

A Rebirth

Word Count: 3374 Rating: T

Summary:

Simon and Baz need to finish their presentation for their Art History class. However, Baz also got pulled into watching his younger siblings for the weekend.

Frozen 2, chicken nuggets, sword fights, and themes of Renaissance.

author’s note

I wrote this for the amazing @krisrix as a prompt! It was so much fun to do and I legit wrote the whole thing in like one afternoon and had it looked over and posted it haha. I still feel bad because Kris legit asked for babies and I kicked the babies out at the beginning of the fic LOL. 

Coming Together in Three Parts

Word Count: 4639 Rating: M Chapters: 3

Summary:

Three snippets of their lives after Wayward Son.

author’s note:

The summary definitely leaves a lot to be imagined haha. But I decided to pull a @ninemagicks and give a metaphor of threes and I love yous. So it’s three lovely stages after Wayward Son. There’s the I Love You, the moving in, and then a marriage proposal. I was fairly proud of this! And I did this as an exchange fic as well. 

The Three Acts of a Wizard

Word Count: 6439 Rating: T

Summary:

Today, Baz is giving Simon a reprieve (or, that's what he is telling Simon.)

Cue a removal of cursed body parts, a grumpy fireplace who *knows* what is happening, and a shrill frizzy-haired friend threatening to poison some scones.

(this is a remix fic for @ninemagicks​ HMC AU YWSAFS

author’s note:

I wrote this for Nena’s birthday in the summer! Their friendship has meant the world to me, and this story is what I think gave me the gall courage to message them and harass them with 2k word comments/metas haha. If you’ve not read their fic, make sure to do so!

Heaven is a Place on Earth

Word Count: 12,711 Rating: M Chapters: 5 Summary:

Five hours each week. That's all Simon and Baz get.

But we know that's all they need to fall in love...

~~

A San Junipero AU

author’s note:

This fic idea came to me randomly and I literally wrote it in a week. I love it so much, and despite being MCD I think it’s still generally happy (I mean.. they do end up together??) Idk, it has a special place in my heart. And I made @krisrix read Baz with an american accent so... win win haha. 

(Un)Sexy Saturday

Word Count: 6157 Rating: M/E Chapters: 9 (they’re different stories each chapter.)

Summary:

Summaries vary by chapter. Overall it’s just a collection of silly stories where sex gets interrupted. 

author’s note:

Honestly this series was so fun to do. I need to continue it sometime! From beauty blender butt plugs, to swingers, to garlic allergies... it just makes me laugh haha. 

5 Times Simon Wanted a Fistbump, and the 1 Time He Finally Got It

Word Count: 5489 Rating: T Chapters: 6

Summary:

Simon Snow hasn't had a lot of friends in his life. He has Penny, who is great, of course. He has Baz (but does he count as a friend?)

So now, seeing Shepard, he's got a chance at a friend. A bro of sorts.

Simon sees the final hurdle in their friendship to be a fist bump. A simple signal of their friendship.

But how long is it going to take to get it??

~~

5 + 1 Yearning for a Fist Bump.

author’s note:

Simpard. Friendship. And art by @nick-eyre?? Perfection. 

A Goblin’s Skull, Maccies, and a Door Handle

Word Count: 2017 Rating: T

Summary:

Simon Snow wakes up in a building he doesn't know, tied up and blindfolded.

Luckily his best bro Shepard is there too.

author’s note:

Wrote this as a little bday treat for @nick-eyre :D. Decided to give Simon a friend who would also lust after goblins with him haha. 

One Word, Four Letters, A Lifetime's Worth of Pain: IKEA

Word Count: 2428 Rating: T

Summary:

Baz comes home and notices the house is suspiciously quiet.

When he finds Simon, surrounded by unfinished pieces of furniture, he can't help but ask... why?

Author’s note:

This was written as a birthday gift for @foolofabookwyrm! She is an absolute gem and has never been to IKEA, but now I hope she understands the struggle of building IKEA furniture haha. 

The Beat of My Heart

Word Count: 2230 Rating: T

Summary:

Simon is kneeling on the ground, waiting for Baz to come home.

He has a question. One he's wanted to ask for a while.

author’s note:

This was written as a birthday gift for @krisrix! A little proposal fic for the rat king <3 <3

Out of My Mind

Word Count: 10876 Rating: M Chapters: 3

Summary:

Baz and Simon are living their lives, domestic and content. They have a nine-year-old daughter, a Sunday morning routine, and plans to be alone for the first time for a while.

But when a girl who is growing into her powers reads something she shouldn't, they get into a predicament they don't expect.

author’s note:

This was a COE gift for @krisrix! Body Swap! Parents! Married! I tried to do it all for him haha. 2020 was really the year where I was like yeah, let’s write Kris a million fics. And honestly—wouldn’t have it any other way.

Imposter vs Crewmates

Word Count: 754 Rating: T

Summary:

Everyone has their quarantine coping strategies.

Simon tried to bake bread.

Baz watched Twilight.

But Penelope...

She introduced the gang to Among Us.

author’s note:

Look. I’ve no excuses for this lolol. Just thought it’d be silly :D. 

The Ethics of Wanting You

Word Count: 1417 Rating: T

Summary:

Simon Snow realized recently that he has a crush on Baz.

Penny suggested he find reasons to spend more time with him, so he suggests a study session for their ethics exam the following day.

(It doesn't go as planned, but the result is very much worth it.)

author’s note:

Birthday gift for @peachpit-gabe <3 <3. Just a cute one shot with snowbaz.

Pumpkin, Let’s Make a Patch

Word Count: 2516 Rating: T

Summary:

Simon Snow is trying to create a neighborhood pumpkin patch.

Baz, unknowingly, rips the pumpkins out of his front lawn.

(How will he make it up to him?)

author’s note:

This was done for the COC. I based it off this cute tiktok series with this kid who rode around on his skateboard and plants pumpkins around his neighborhood.

Weathering the Storm

Word Count: 2248 Rating: T

Summary:

Shepard was nine when he first met a boy he'd learn was Simon Snow.

He was in a ditch crying, and Shepard wasn't sure what to make of him.

This boy lived in his mind until he saw him again years later.

And today, when there's a storm unlike any other in London, he knows who must be at the center of it.

author’s note:

Honestly. This is probably one of my favorite things I’ve ever written. IDK. It’s so short but... I love it. And if you like to listen to fics— @bloodiedpixie did a phenomenal podfic of it! And @nick-eyre did AMAZING art for it too <3. 

New Beginnings

Word Count: 2090 Rating: T

Summary:

It's the first New Years Eve after the Christmas that changed everything.

After Simon Snow and Baz kissed.

After they defeated the humdrum.

After the Mage's death.

But, as many of us do, it's time to take the New Year as an opportunity to begin anew.

author’s note:

Part of a server exchange I did for @knitbelove :D. 

And, all of the prompts I’ve yet to put on ao3... lolol

#2020 masterpost #Caity did fanfiction #Caity does fanfiction #still #but wow I really DID that y'all #i wrote over 250k last year #YIKES #damn #anyway #this has been great #love you all

[sweetuality]

EPILOGUE (pt. 2)

SIMON

Lady Ruth has practically dragged us inside and into our room, "Simon! Baz! Get comfortable and settle in. I'll be downstairs making you boys some snacks."

She patted my arm, "We can all watch Mr. Bean later. Oh! Jamie loves it. He'll be back from work in an hour."

If she could, she would have hopped her way out, but I think her age can't keep up with her energized personality.

She has been like this ever since she believes that her family got reunited. Happy-go-lucky aura seeps out of her like my magic used to from my body. Like sparks from the skin pores.

I think it's something in our family after all.

I always feel like an outsider inside this house. The walls, the furniture, the rug on the floor are too expensive for me to feel a part of it. But Baz seems like he was born here.

He's wearing a three pieces suit (again) today. A shade of grey that gleams silver in the light and a black button-down with the collar buttons open. His shirt color matches his hair and he looks like he's one of the antiques decorated in this room.

He made sure I don't feel left out in his fashion ramp-walk show and dressed me up in his light blue jumper and white trousers with white lace-up shoes. He cast "Like a glove!" on the jumper and now my red wings stand out quite a contract to the rest of my (his) clothes.

"Do you think Lady Salisbury knows who I am actually?" Baz walks over to me and wraps his arms around my waist.

I place my own hands on his shoulder. "You mean vampire? No. I don't think so." I don't think Lady Ruth would care though. All she cares about is how much of a gentleman Baz is.

"I meant your boyfriend." He narrows his eyes as if it's my fault he has so many secrets and I should be knowing which of them he is referring to.

I lean in to rub my nose on his cheeks. Smells of cold water. "Maybe? Maybe not?"

"Snow, will you tell her if she ever asks?" He has my tail in his hand, rubbing it between his fingers.

Will I? Probably.

Baz is kind of an award for me. A medal. A treasure. Being with him is good for my status. If I could I would have flaunted him to the entire world.

"I will, babe." I kiss him because I'm a fool and I can't resist him.

SIMON

Baz and Lady Ruth- she wants me to call her "Gran" but I'm still hesitant (maybe one day I will. I just need some time to get used to all this. To believe all this is true.) are still at the living room watching Mr. Bean and I'm at kitchen trying to find a can of cider. Jamie hasn't yet come back home from work, we saved him some egg and cress.

My phone rang in the back of my pocket. (Jamie has gifted me this new phone on my birthday. I'm so not used to this. I miss my old phone, it was fine for me. Just needed to replace the battery.)

"Penny?" I answered the phone.

"Simon Snow Salisbury! Do you even have time for me?" Her voice was half sarcasm and full anger.

Ever since she started dating Shepard, Penny and I have had less time for each other. Is this what people do? Outgrow their friendships?

She went to America with him without telling anybody. I was so mad at her. But then she got mad at me for not telling her about my family. And then we kind of nullified each other's anger.

Shepherd moved in with Penny and now he's a part-time journalist. I think he got enrolled in Penny's uni too but I'm not sure. Professor Bunce loves him and Headmistress Bunce hates him as much. And between all chaos Penny, herself hardly has any time left to catch up with me. I wanted to tell her that, but I don't want to get shouted at.

"I have all the time for you Penny. What's up?" I grab the cider can and walk out of the kitchen. I see Baz looking at me when I walk into the living room and I point him I'll be at our room.

"I was hoping we all could meet. I called Agatha too. She's busy with Niamh and doesn't wanna leave the goats alone. I guess she'll spend her Christmas with her girlfriend. But you two! I'll murder you two if you don't come."

Agatha and Niamh are the talks of the mages now. They both are taking care of the goats and a lot of people think that's what restored the peace at Watford.

Baz can't stop laughing at the irony of how Agatha and I had different preferences.

I took the stairs and walked inside our room, closing the doors behind. The room was dark, with only outside street light coming through the window to illuminate the room faintly.

"Just tell us when and where and we'll come."

I sat on the bed, taking a sip of the cider.

"Tomorrow, at my house. Shep is also going. Dad says he wants to chit-chat with him. Mum is at school so it isn't a worry. Did you know the veil lifted and my aunt visited her again to tell her not to look for her books? I think my mum will look for the books just to provoke her. Circe, I've got so much to tell you. Let's all meet! I've also got something important to announce."

"Don't tell me you're pregnant Penny!" I say, only half-joking. Penny's parents already had her when they were her age. So who knows?

"No, Merlin!" She screams so loud I had to pull away the phone to save my ears. I could hear the distant giggling of Shepard. "Just come tomorrow by the evening okay? You'll find out."

"Sure, Penny." She ends the call and I laugh. I'm happy for her. She found someone who looks at her like she's made of magic. Which is true either way.

I place the cider on the bedside table and plops on the bed. The room makes me feel like an outsider. But it also feels like it's welcoming me. A part of me feels like it missed being here all this time. Sometimes it actually feels like I belong here. Maybe I do.

I close my eyes, feeling sleepy.

Suddenly it's so cold. I shiver, bringing my wings around me to stay warm but it feels like the cold breeze is inside me. Like my blood is freezing up. My wings envelopes me tightly as a response but it feels more claustrophobic than comforting. Turning around in bed I feel my tail whipping around too. It gets so much cold so suddenly that I feel like I'm having all my nerves in my body breakdown. It's hard to open my eyes too. My lips quiver. I can't speak. I'm freezing. I'm solidifying.

"My rosebud boy." The voice echoes within me.

Rosebud boy? Natasha Grimm Pitch?

"My rosebud boy," The voice is crying, "I'm happy you're finally home."

I can't breathe. I can't open my eyes. I'm crying.

"I'm happy you're safe." I can feel the voice. It resonates within me. I had heard it before. "Simon..."

I open my eyes, tears involuntarily rolling down my cheeks. My whole body is frozen solid. And then I see her.

Golden hair and a face I recognize. Lucy. Mom?

Her hands are stretched out to touch my face but I really can't see her hand. It's like she's a streak of light. And within the light, I could hardly see the features of her face that looks so much like mine.

"We were so happy to have you, Simon. You make me so proud." She's not speaking, but I can hear her voice inside my head. My head thumps with each word. "I'm sorry I couldn't protect you. I'm sorry I left you."

She's vanishing. The light is fading. I want to call out. Mom!

"I love you so much," She's leaving. No! "my rosebud boy..."

"Mom!" I found my voice hoarse and scratching down my throat harshly. I think I saw her smiling sadly before the room is back in its darkness. The coldness fades away as abruptly as it came.

But I can't stop shaking. My wings are flapping violently behind me and I'm sure I'll knock something over with my tail. I sit up, curling my knees to my chest to calm down. Mom... Lucy... She had visited me before. She came back...

#simon snow #snowbaz #basilton pitch #fanfic #carry on #wayward son #awtwb spoilers #any way the wind blows #rainbow rowell

[viktorrotkiv]

Trust Me

This fic was written for the @snowbaz-sweethearts-exchange as a gift for @seducing-a-vampire , and beta-read by @stevenuniversestolemyheart ​ (<3).

Read on AO3

*

Simon was being weird again. Avoiding him. Being evasive and distant.

Baz has been through this once before, and he really doesn’t want to do it again. This game of avoiding one another, almost-talking about feelings, trying to keep hold of a sinking ship. They survived the last time, but just barely. Baz thinks maybe he didn’t do enough then, because it feels like they survived on pure chance. Luck of the draw. Fate had tested their relationship, pushed it almost to the breaking point, then got bored and gave up, and they bounced back. Slightly broken, and a little less idealistic, but realer, and stronger. Different.

Baz couldn’t stand change. He had had enough ‘different’ for a lifetime. This time, the ship won’t even start to sink, because he’s going to stop it.

He’s going to prove to Simon Snow that he’s the best boyfriend around.

*

At first, Simon was worried about Baz’s birthday. He wanted to make sure it was perfect and special. After everything they’d been through, Baz deserved some happiness and peace. But the moment he thought of his brilliant idea, he relaxed completely. He sunk fully into planning and organizing, devoting hours and days to it, but he wasn’t worried anymore. He was confident.

The grand plan was this; on the morning of February 24th, Simon would show up at Baz’s parents’ house, where Baz was staying for a few weeks. They would have breakfast with Baz’s family, after which, everyone, including Simon, would give Baz his gifts. Simon’s gift will be a pair of jeans, reminiscent of Simon’s first visit to Baz’s house, and a hand-made gift card, entitling Baz to “give Simon Snow a makeover of your choice, including, but not limited to, hair, clothes, and manners.” Baz will laugh and immediately change into the jeans (this was, of course, a crucial part of the plan). They’ll spend the morning with Baz’s family (and maybe some of it in Baz’s room, decidedly away from his family), and then Simon will noncommittally suggest lunch with a few friends. Baz could either accept or decline; this was important in order to make it seem like the day wasn’t orchestrated. In the afternoon they had tickets to see an exhibition at a Normal museum that Baz was buzzed about; this part he was aware of. On the way back from the museum, Simon would suggest walking through a park, where, lo and behold, all of Baz’s friends and family would be waiting with balloons and home-cooked food and cake.

The only problem was that Simon was terrible at keeping secrets, and worse at lying. There was only one solution: he would have to try and avoid Baz for the next few weeks.

February 1st

Mordelia was going to be the death of him. Last night there had been one acceptable clean pair of trousers in his closet. He was sure of it, because he had checked specifically, because he knew that most of his clothes were in the laundry. And now, as he was getting dressed to meet Simon, it was gone. The only things he could find were old trousers that didn’t really fit anymore, and a few pairs of pyjamas.

“Mordelia!” Baz slammed the closet door shut and stormed out of his room. “What did you do with my clothes?! Good morning, Daphne. Mordelia, I’m going to hex you!”

“What?” His little sister peaked innocently out of her room, seemingly trying to shut the door on herself.

“You know what you did. Where are my trousers?”

“Oh, these?” Mordelia bent down and picked something up from the floor behind her.

“Yes, these!” Baz snatched them away angrily. “What on earth did you need them for?”

“Nothing.” She shied away from his inquisitive gaze. “I was, er – I was playing dress up.”

Baz huffed and sighed, but walked away. He didn’t have time for this. The ‘perfect boyfriend’ that he was trying to be was never late. But seriously, who on earth thought that moving back home while he looked for a flat near Simon and Penny was a good idea? Oh, right. All of his friends. His parents too. His siblings were happy to have him. And he wasn’t paying rent.

*

Simon’s secret phone beeped with a message. Yes, he had gotten burner phones for the Top Secret Baz’s Birthday Surprise operation. Growing up in a Normal orphanage had left its marks, and a love for trashy spy movies was one of them.

The message was from Mordelia, one of his many accomplices, and it contained Baz’s trouser size.

Also, he’s mad at me now. Can you tell him it wasn’t my fault that I had to take his trousers?

You’re brilliant, Simon wrote back. And no! You mustn't tell him either, remember?

Will you buy me sweets?

Only if it makes you shut up and promise not to tell Baz

Alright :)

Fine. Simon saw Baz through the window of the coffee shop and quickly put the phone away. As Baz entered the shop, holding a bouquet of flowers, Simon stood up to wave him over. When he reached the table, Baz gave Simon a quick kiss on the cheek, and held out the bouquet.

Simon accepted the flowers and brought them to his nose to cover his embarrassingly big grin. They didn’t usually kiss in public; Baz was as shy about kissing as he was about eating, and they never knew what seemingly-charming old lady would shoot them a disapproving glare. This was a nice change of pace.

The flowers smelled good, and like they had been kept fresh with magic. Simon wondered what they were called.

“They’re Gerbera daisies,” said Baz, seemingly reading his mind. “Now, what disgustingly sweet monstrosity do you want to drink today?”

Simon couldn’t help but grin again. Avoiding Baz was going to be very, very difficult.

February 5th

Simon picked up a pair of jeans, only to be horrified at the amount of tears and holes it had. There was virtually more empty space than cloth. He quickly put it back down, trying and failing to fold it into the right shape, and moved on to the next display. He was feeling kind of lost. Now that Mordelia had acquired Baz’s trouser size for him, he could actually buy Baz’s present, but this wasn’t his speed at all. Big shopping centres. The actual shopping. Lots of Normals around. Fashion. God, he felt completely lost.

“Need any help?”

Simon turned to find that a chipper employee had appeared behind him. They popped up like mushrooms after the rain. “No, thanks, I think I’ll be fine.” Simon did his best to smile as he spoke, but he guessed that the vibes he was giving off were actually ‘terrified’ and ‘lost’ and perhaps ‘sad puppy’.

The employee seemed doubtful but didn’t push it. She was short, with short hair, and her store-mandated vest was covered with optimistic pins. Her ears reminded him of a pixie.

She had started walking away when Simon changed his mind. “Actually! If you don’t mind, I think I do need help.” Her kind smile encouraged him to continue. “I’m looking for jeans for my… my, er, boyfriend. I’m looking for something without many tears, and not too tight.”

“Do you want me to bring you a few options?”

Simon sighed in relief. “That would be great, thanks.” He told her the size he needed, and she walked purposely towards a rack on the other side of the store. As he watched her pull out different pairs and pile them in her arms, fascinated by her decisiveness, Simon’s phone rang. The regular one, not the burner phone. The phone he had forced Baz to buy with him, so they could talk. Baz, who was the one calling him right now.

Shit, shit, shit. He took a deep breath, finger hesitating above the screen, and let the phone ring almost five full rings before picking up.

“Hey, babe.” Simon closed his eyes and mentally kicked himself. He had been going for ‘casual’, but there was nothing casual about pet names with them.

“Babe?” Baz’s incredulous tone was almost enough to make Simon hang up.

“Erm. Yeah. No. Ignore that. What’s going on?”

“Nothing. I just wanted to talk to you.”

“Oh.” Simon looked nervously around the store. The employee was halfway back to him, still stopping at displays and racks.

“Remember how I told you that Mordelia stole my clothes? Now she’s decided to teach the baby how to play the piano. The sound is deafening. I’ve started taking walks around the garden just to avoid her.”

“Oh, that sounds awful.”

“It is! It really is. Erm, so, I tried to find a reason to get out of the house, and I’m in the coffee shop we like, and they have a sale on chocolates, and I was just wondering if you like marzipan.”

“Erm, yeah, sure. It’s sweet, right? Then sure, I guess I like it.” The employee had almost completed a full round. He’d have to hang up soon.

“What about hazelnut? Or – or, get this, hazelnut coffee.”

“Er…” Simon smiled apologetically at the employee, who was back in front of him, carrying a pile of clothes almost as tall as her. “Yes to hazelnut chocolate, no to the coffee. I, er, I kind of have to go, can we talk later?”

“Sure, I – I guess.” Baz let Simon hang up.

Simon thanked the employee profusely and started going through the pile of jeans.

Baz pulled the phone away from his ear and stared at the blank screen, disappointed. Mordelia really was trying to teach the baby to play the piano, that much was true, but it wasn’t the reason he was looking at chocolates. He was trying to do something nice for Simon, and his boyfriend was still acting weird and pulling away. That had to have been the shortest phone conversation they’d had since Simon had forced him to buy the damn thing. What could he have possibly done wrong?

Baz paid for the chocolate in a stupor and left the store deflated.

February 10th

Dearest Basilton,

No. Simon crossed out the words. Who was he, Baz’s grandmother? Wait. Did Baz have a grandmother? Obviously, genetically, he had to have grandmothers. But were they alive? How could Simon not know this? He’d have to ask him.

Simon shook his head and stared at the paper.

Baz, he started again. Simple and personal. You already know how much I love you.

Simon chewed on his pen. No: I hope you already know how much I love you.

But birthdays are a time to state the obvious again. So, I love you, I love you, I love you. You’re the best person I know. The bravest, the strongest, the most resolute person I know. The smartest. Wait, nevermind. Second smartest. Stop glaring at me and read the rest of the card.

I love how good you are with your siblings. How patient and gentle you are with me when I need it most. I love how dramatic you are, and how dramatic our story is. I love that you’re looking for a flat near me and Penny. Maybe eventually we’ll be looking for a flat near Penny. I hope so. I hope we get there.

I wish you the best birthday ever. The best fucking birthday anyone on this planet has ever had, Baz. And an incredible year. And an amazing life after that. You deserve it. I’ll be there to share that year and that life with you, for as long as I can.

Well. If all goes according to plan, you’ll be reading this in front of your family, and I don’t want you to sob like a baby in front of them, so I’ll stop now. But I just need you to know that you matter, so much.

Love,

Me.

There. Perfect. Simon started copying the words from the draft paper to the card.

*

Baz glanced at the recipe again to make sure. Three quarters cup of butter wasn’t going to be enough for his boyfriend. He turned back to the counter and filled the cup to the brim with melted butter.

As he poured the butter from the cup to the bowl, he heard Mordelia’s small, barefoot steps entering the kitchen, and then he was attacked from behind with a waist-height hug.

“Hey!” He turned around, pretending to be mad. “Never put your sticky little hands on my clothes again. As your punishment, you now have to help me bake.” He lifted her onto the counter and she giggled. “Here, take this and mix the batter.”

Mordelia turned to the bowl beside her and started mixing with great concentration as Baz added the rest of the ingredients. Mordelia helped him shape the batter into scones, and when they came out of the oven, round and fresh and smelling like the feeling of home and lazy mornings and butter, he let her have one.

The rest of the scones went with Baz to Simon and Penny’s flat. Baz hardly bothered to knock these days. He had a key to the flat, but since Simon was the world’s biggest airhead, the door was usually left unlocked. It was the first in a long list of things that both Baz and Penny chided him on.

He called out as he entered, but spotted Simon almost immediately, sitting at the kitchen table with a look of intense concentration. When he noticed his boyfriend, Simon quickly shoved the piece of paper he was working on under the napkin holder.

“What’s that?” Baz gestured to the table.

Simon waved his hand, trying to blow away the question, but he looked a bit worried. “It’s nothing.” He enveloped Baz in a hug and a kiss. “Are these scones for me?”

Baz nodded. “Home baked.”

Simon’s thrilled yell startled Penny out of her room. The three of them spent a cozy afternoon together, eating scones and watching movies, but Baz couldn’t shake the nagging feeling that Simon was hiding something from him.

February 14th

Valentine’s day wasn’t nearly as big a deal for mages as it was for Normals, but Simon had told Baz all about what it was like for Normals a few months ago. Apparently, they went completely out of their way to show their partners that they loved them. To Baz, it seemed kind of obvious that people liked who they’re dating. But apparently Normals bought ridiculous gifts, like huge teddy bears that were completely impractical, or much too much chocolate for one person.

Actually, in Simon’s case, there was no such thing as too much chocolate. Baz supposed the whole ordeal was kind of sweet. At least, it was sweet how excited Simon got over the holiday. So he decided to surprise him with a date.

He was currently at a Normal shopping centre, making preparations. Baz looked at the bags he was holding, wondering if anything was missing. He had bought a teddy bear (medium sized, so it could fit on Simon’s bed); a box of chocolates (not heart shaped, God forbid); a bouquet of red and white roses (these, Baz could appreciate the value of); and a box of pastries (chock-full of butter, of course). It seemed like enough, until a colorful stall caught Baz’s eye. In a clear plastic case sat a pile of colorful heart shaped candies, engraved with cheesy-sweet sentiments. Kiss me. First love. Be mine. Baz thought that some grubby little child had probably put their dirty hands all over the candy. Simon, on the other hand, would love them. Baz added a bag of the candies to his shopping pile.

Next was picking up Simon’s favorite dishes at an Italian restaurant they liked, and finally, picking Simon up and taking him on a surprise picnic in the park.

*

Simon didn’t usually bake, but since he wanted everything to be special on his boyfriend’s perfect birthday, he had announced to Penny and Agatha that he was going to make the cake himself. They had promptly laughed in his face, and then offered to teach him how to bake.

At the time, Simon had protested that there was always a recipe, and you didn’t need to learn how to bake. Now he couldn’t be happier that the girls had convinced him to make a practice cake, especially after Baz’s scones had set the bar pretty high. Apparently, there was a certain cup size you had to use for measurements, and there were different types of flour for different types of doughs, and some people (Simon included) needed to break a few eggs wrong before they could break an egg right.

So the brisk knock at the door, followed by Baz’s voice floating in, couldn’t have come at a worse time. Simon was wearing Penny’s ridiculous apron, which had the names of classical composers printed haphazardly all over it in strange angles, and he was covered in flour and a milk stain.

“Shit. What do I do?”

Agatha pulled the apron off Simon’s neck and patted most of the flour off his shirt. “Make up some excuse, if you can.”

Simon walked around the corner to the front of the house tentatively. “Hey!”

Baz flourished yet another bouquet of flowers. What had gotten into him lately? “Hello. I’ve come to steal you for a few hours.”

“Oh, it’s… it’s not the best time. Er, Agatha is here, and, erm, she and Penny really want me to bake this cake with them…. Can we please reschedule for tomorrow?”

“Actually, we can’t. You can bake a cake any other time. Oh, it smells good…” Baz started to walk towards the kitchen, but Simon quickly got in his way. “Snow, what are you doing? I would like to say hello to Penny and Agatha.”

“Snow?” Simon seemed dumbfounded. “You haven’t called me that in a while.”

Baz sighed. “I’m sorry. It just feels like you’ve been pulling away from me lately. Which makes me feel like we’re in school again. Which is one of the reasons you need to come with me right now, because I planned a lovely date for us, and the food is getting cold.”

Simon ran a hand through his hair, mussing up the curls. “Give me three minutes, and then we can leave, okay? This is really sweet. Thank you.”

“Alright. I’ll say hello to the girls and then wait in the car. I’m not sure that it isn’t going to get towed away.”

“Erm, no. I – I need three minutes first, and then you can say hello.” Simon hurried into the kitchen and shut the door firmly behind him, feeling very guilty. “Ladies. We need to wrap this up. I told him we were baking a cake, but he probably expects something much… smaller than this.”

Penny looked back and forth between the multi-layered cake and the door, behind which stood Baz. “We’re just about done. It needs to go into the refrigerator for a few hours.”

Agatha shook her head. “He might want to see it if it’s in the refrigerator.” She picked the cake up carefully and slid it gracefully into the oven.

Penny, ever the rule stickler, looked shocked. “You – you can’t. It’s a chilled cake.”

“Just trust me, okay?” She shut the oven door just as Baz opened the door.

“Simon, this is ridiculous. Hello, Wellbelove, Bunce. Please tell my idiot boyfriend that he can bake with you any other time, and that today is Valentine’s Day, which he was excited about, and he has to come with me before our food gets cold.”

“That sounds like kidnapping.”

Agatha, ever the peacemaker, shot Penny a glare. “I personally couldn’t agree more. We actually just put the cake in the oven, so it’s the perfect time for Simon to leave.”

“The oven… isn’t on.”

“We’re using magic. That’s why it doesn’t look turned on. Penelope wanted to practice her heating magic. Right, Penny?” Agatha sickly-sweet smile still held a remnant of the murderous glare.

“Erm… yes. Exactly. Simon, go and have fun. It is Valentine’s Day, after all. We’ve got this.”

February 24th

The last week and a half before Baz’s birthday passed uneventfully. He and Simon toured a few apartments and had some nights out, but neither one had any more steps to their plan. Simon was done with his. Baz was just exhausted and out of ideas.

*

In Simon’s opinion, Baz’s birthday passed without a hitch. He showed up at the Pitch manor at the appointed time. Breakfast, presents, and a lazy morning all went according to plan. Baz even teared up a little when reading his card.

“You’re such a sap, Sn– Simon. I– I love you too.” Baz embraced him, but Simon was practically buzzing with giddiness and pushed him off.

“Open the rest of it!”

“This gift card entitles you to–” Baz burst out laughing. “That’s incredible. I am definitely using it in the next week. And this is… jeans. These are jeans. You probably want me to change into them right now, don’t you?” Baz walked into the guest bathroom accompanied by excited cheers from both Simon and his siblings, and emerged wearing a snug pair of jeans to excited claps and whoops from his parents.

*

Later, in Baz’s room, Simon decided it was time for a little digging. “Do you… this is a bit random.” He picked at Baz’s duvet absentmindedly. “Do you still have grandmothers?”

“Daphne’s parents live an hour away. We see them once a month or so.”

“And your biological grandparents…?”

Baz shook his head minutely.

“Oh! It’s one already! I told Penny I would let her know– your dead relatives are fascinating and everything, but do you want to have lunch with the girls? Maybe Dev and Niall?”

“My dead relatives are fascinating, don’t disrespect them like that.” Baz broke out in a smile. Maybe Simon’s cold patch was over. “Sure. Let’s have lunch.”

*

Later, much later, they were walking on a lamp lit street, arms hooked together and frosty breaths mingling in the air, and Simon leaned his head on Baz’s shoulder. “I have to admit, that exhibition was actually interesting.”

“I know. Robert was a genius. But I’m still having a bit of a hard time believing that you enjoyed an art exhibition so much.” Baz could feel Simon shaking with laughter beside him, his warm body pressed to his shoulder to hip. He didn’t want to ruin the moment. He really didn’t. But… “Simon. We should talk.”

Simon picked his head up and Baz immediately missed the comforting weight on his shoulder. “Huh?”

“You’ve been distant lately. As if you don’t really want to spend time with me.”

“Don’t be silly. I love you. Here, let’s walk through this park.” Simon was barely listening, pulling on Baz’s sleeve to steer him towards a lit patch of grass.

Baz took a deep breath. “You’re avoiding my questions again. It feels… It feels like you’re hiding something from me.”

Simon stopped walking and looked back at him with sudden realization. “Something like… your birthday surprise?”

Baz squinted at the park ahead of them. Were those...?

“Don’t be silly. I would never hide anything from you. Not again.” Simon reached up and kissed Baz sweetly. “Now come on. Everybody is waiting for us. I’m in charge of bringing the birthday boy, and it’s too simple a job to mess up.”

Baz let Simon lead the way. He didn’t want him to see the ridiculous grin that he couldn’t seem to wipe off his face.

#snowbaz #carry on #simon snow #baz pitch #penny bunce #agatha wellbelove #mordelia grimm #mineltg #my writing #carryonsource #rainbow rowell #snowbaz sweethearts exchange

[ourimpavidheroine]

You've given us your favorite records, so how about your favorite movies?

Okay, sure! Under a cut though, because it’s long.

In no particular order!

Strictly Ballroom (1992)

Oh my god, one of the funniest movies ever made. Every single thing about this movie makes me laugh out loud - in fact, I laughed so loud in the theater when I saw it the first time I’m surprised they didn’t kick my ass out. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve watched and re-watched it. My late wife and I used to quote this film back and forth to each other all the time. 

“Arms, Clary!”

“That was unexpected.”

“I’ve got my happy face on today!”

There’s a lovely little romance going on and a quote that I live by:

A life lived in fear is a life half lived.

Thank you, Baz Luhrmann. 

Bringing Up Baby (1938)

Screwball comedy romance with Cary Grant and Katharine Hepburn. Still funny, over 80 years later. Mistaken identities, a harrassed archeologist and a clueless rich girl, so on and so forth. If you watch it, you will see shades of Wu and Sayuri in Susan, for sure. (And some Zu in David.) The comedic timing of this movie is sheer and utter perfection. Not a single beat wasted. Brilliant, the entire thing.

Moonstruck (1987)

God, what isn’t there to love about this movie? CHER. A woman coming up on middle age who has settled into widowhood without a whimper decides to marry a man she’s fond of for no other reason than she thinks she should meets the fiance’s younger brother and her entire life goes, as her Italian Catholic mother says in the middle of church, “...down the toilet.” This movie was handled with so much love and care, it deserved its Oscars. If you’ve never seen it, you should.

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000)

I saw this movie the one and only time I visited the States after I moved to Finland. I had left my wife here in Finland but had my 20 month old autistic twins along and my mother was being beyond horrible to me and I was exhausted and just wanted to go home. There was one afternoon where my favorite uncle came to me, gave me his car, and told me he was going to watch the kids and for me to go out and have a breather. I decided to see a movie - I can’t remember which one - but the paper had gotten the time wrong and it had already started by the time I got there. I asked the woman selling tickets what she recommended that was coming up and she very fervently told me to go and see this one.

Still one of the best movies I have ever seen. The acting is so subtle, so beautiful, and the scenery! The ending broke me, just shattered me into a million pieces. Years later, when my wife died, I knew exactly that feeling of desperately wanting to go back in time and somehow do it all right and all I can say is, both Michelle Yeoh and Zhang Ziyi get all of my love forever for doing it the way they did.

I bought it when it finally came out on DVD with English subtitles and I made my late wife watch it with me and she sobbed at the end and told me I was cruel for making her watch it. (Guess what, babe? You were crueler for making me live it.)

The Handmaiden (2016)

Normally I am not all that keen on books being made into movies. I fucking loved Sarah Waters’ Fingersmith and wasn’t sure about it being taken out of its Victorian England setting into 1930′s Korea but oh my god I have never been happier to have been proved wrong in my life. THIS FILM. Listen, it is one of those rare times when a book and an adaptation can stand next to each other, equally as good, equally as strong, despite the differences. There is so much to unpack about women’s experiences with sex and how that compares to how men dictate those experiences to them and the movie never drops the ball with this. Frankly, I had seen Oldboy and Snowpiercer (among others) and I really did not think Park Chan-wook had it in him and shame on me for that.

Warning: this movie is HOT.

Mad Max: Fury Road (2015)

This is a damn good movie. Charlize Theron elevates anything she is in, and as Furiosa - dirty, grim, disabled, clinging on to tattered hope with desperation - she just takes this film to another level. Plenty of other good performances - including Tom Hardy, who’s never afraid to drop himself into a role - and some frankly astonishing editing work by Margaret Sixel as well as a male director who understands, deeply, how to film women without subjecting them to the male gaze. This is not a schlock film, despite the franchise it belongs in. It’s good.

I saw this film the night before my wife died; the last time I spoke to her on the phone I told her that I’d take her with me to see it again, I knew she’d like it. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to separate this film from that loss, but that’s how it goes sometimes. Still wish you could have seen it, babe. You would have loved it.

The Great Race (1965)

Is this a great movie? Not critically speaking, although Jack Lemmon is brilliant, as he almost always is. Rather, it was a movie my father and I loved together, and I have so many good memories of watching it with him whenever it would play on TV (these were the years before VHS even, never mind Netflix) and eating popcorn and laughing together.

We loved the huge pie fight scene so much that on my 16th birthday my father bought 3 dozen store bought pies, defrosted them and/or baked them (with the help of our neighbor, who was in on the secret) and he woke me up that morning, told me to get dressed and come outside, and he got me with a pie to the face right as I walked out the door and the two of us chased each other, throwing and dodging pies, making an unholy mess, slipping and sliding all over our deck and driveway, stumbling and laughing hysterically.

It is one of the best memories in my life. How many other girls can say their fathers gave them a pie fight for their sweet sixteen? This movie makes me laugh and, more importantly, remember my father with so much love.

The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)

I did love all three of these films. Were they perfect? No. (I am still salty about Faramir’s entire movie arc and the fact that Merry was just Pippin 2.0 instead of the distinct character he was in the books.) But they were made with so much love and heart by people who loved and cared deeply for the source material. And they were astonishing in scope as well. Just glorious to see in the theater.

I first read those books when my father lent me his copies when I was eight and they were a vital part of my growing up; to see Peter Jackson and his entire cast and crew love them as much as I did was genuinely special for me.

The other two films are just as good with some astonishing moments (Billy Boy’s last minute song in The Return of the King still gives me goosebumps) but this was the first one, and just remembering holding my wife’s hand as we both gasped together over the scope of it was a memory I will keep with me always.

When my wife and I went to see this one here in Finland I was pregnant with my twins and I was like, oh my god, please die already Boromir because were twins on my bladder and I knew if I didn’t get to a toilet soon it was going to be all over. (It was a long movie without a pee break for a pregnant person, let me just say.) I was never happier for a tragic end to a movie in my life, LOL.

The Matrix (1999)

Dude. Dude. Just the concept of this movie. The Wachowski sisters have never limited themselves and that’s what makes them so different and so exciting. One of the greats of Sci Fi and, as far as I am concerned, one of the greats bar none. Yeah sure, I know it isn’t a critical darling but lord, I am not a film critic, just someone who loves movies. And I love this one. 

(And excuse you, Elon and the rest of you alt-right men’s groups, you dicks, for appropriating the whole blue/red pill thing: it’s a concept from two trans sisters, so fuck right off with that.)

My best friend, who saw it with me the first time (I took my late wife to see it later in the year when she arrived in the States) laughed at the whole little kid with spoon scene. That’s like listening to you, she said. I never know what is going to come out of your mouth or whether I’ll understand it in the moment but it will eventually make sense to me. Which pretty well sums me up, I think. And this movie as well.

The Piano (1993)

There is a moment, in this gorgeous, deeply beautiful, aching film, where Harvey Keitel fingers a small hole in Holly Hunter’s stocking and it is the most erotic heterosexual thing I have ever seen. Trust a woman director to understand why women would love this. There’s Harvey Keitel’s character: older, soft around the middle, barely literate, covered with traditional facial tattoos. He’s nobody’s idea of hot. But he understands what this woman in particular needs, understands what she is telling him without words, and that’s what he gives her and it is erotic beyond measure. It’s not about what he looks like; it’s about how he understands her.

Holly Hunter does this movie without speaking a single word or getting any subtitles and short of a few brief translations by Anna Paquin playing her young daughter still manages to express herself. It’s brilliant acting. (And look, I know - today we’d look for an actress who was mute to play the role, and rightfully so. It still doesn’t take away from Hunter’s performance.)

Ada drowned in the original script but Jane Campion changed it at the last minute when filming and it was the right choice. The absolute right choice. Ada deserves her freedom and her chance to pursue her own happiness.

#my favorite movies #personal #Anonymous

[carryonsimoncarryonbaz]

I was deeply affected by Wayward Son. I loved the book but there are a lot of scenes that have stayed with me since I finished reading it and listening to the audiobook. I want the backstory, to fill in the gaps, to know more about those moments that transfixed and viscerally affected me. I’m trying to process them through writing. It’s why I wrote If Only I Was Sure and A Sky Full of Stars. Both of those fics lightly touched on or referenced events of Chapter 17 of Wayward Son but this fic delves into that brief flashback more fully. This was difficult to write. But I had definite ideas of how I thought this scene went and I needed to get them out of my head. I’m still not over this book. Thank you for reading and I hope you like it. This was written as a birthday gift for @krisrix who endured many conversations about these scenes from me and who provided insight and support for my head canons. 

Also I had quite a few thoughts about word choice, magic, and intimacy while I was writing this so expect a meta from me on that topic in the next day or so. 

Why Can’t You See

Simon

I’m sitting on one end of the sofa and Baz is at the other end. He’s got his laptop out and he’s frowning at it while he taps at the keyboard.  

I’ve got my book open but I can’t say I’ve gotten much reading done.  

I’d far rather look at him.  

I savor looking at Baz. Like this. When he can’t see me watching him, when my eyes can roam over him at will, can take in the sight of him freely without having to meet his answering gaze.  

It’s easier this way.

After . . . after everything I just wanted to keep Baz close. I couldn’t stand the thought of being separated from him. It physically hurt every time he left the room. I wanted to hold his hand, feel the chill of his palm against mine, craved the sturdy sensation of his arm around my shoulders. It made me feel safe.  

It made me feel real.  

But it was bloody awful when he left to go back to Watford, to finish out the year.  

There was never any doubt in my mind that he’d go. I’d have fought him if he’d tried to stay away.  

I would have.  

Watford is in his bones, his blood. It’s the last place he saw his mother.  

It’s the last place he was . . . well, he thinks it’s the last time he has truly alive but I think that’s rot. He’s as alive as anyone.  

The only thing that made my days tolerable, kept me from going mad each week, was knowing that Baz would arrive on Friday night.  

Every Friday night.  

Baz would come and he’d sit with me, let me lean into him and not expect me to say anything, not expect me to do anything other than exist.  

I’m still existing. Barely.

It all feels like a dream sometimes. Or a nightmare. What happened. The end of the Humdrum. The end of the war.

The Mage.  

The end of me. Of magical me, I suppose. I’m still here, but I’m pretty much a shell of what I was. Of who I was.  

I’m empty. Of magic. Of power. Of purpose.

It’s like I’ve changed places with the Humdrum. Now I’m the empty one.  

I don’t know how to fill the hole left in me.

I don’t know how to be like this.  

I go to class. I do my school work.  

Well, some days I do my work.  

Some days I don’t do anything at all.

What’s the point, really? What’s the point of getting a degree? It’s not like I’m going to find a job, looking like this. Being like this.  

With wings and a tail and mad sword skills but not much else.  

I don’t know. I try not to think about it but it doesn’t work that way for me anymore.

I can’t stop thinking.

Mostly I think about Baz. About us. About what he means to me.  

I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. I mean, I love Penny, but this is different.

This is a fire in my soul.  

And I want him.  

Baz is too far away right now. He’s just on the far end of the sofa but it could be a million miles away as far as I’m concerned.

I want him closer.  

But he’s got work to do for class and so do I. I can’t help stretching out my legs and tucking my toes under his thigh, though.  

It helps me believe this is real.  

To feel him—solid, present, a slight chill to him when I make contact. He doesn’t fade into mist when I touch him.  

He’s real.  

And somehow, he’s still mine.  

Baz turns my way now, a soft smile brightening his face.  

That’s the smile he saves for me.

I never knew this side of Baz Pitch. I never knew the tenderness that lay hidden beneath that finely curated façade.  

Not until Christmas. Not until after .

I smile in response and then drop my eyes back down to my book. There’s only so long I can let him look at me like that.  

Like I’m more than I am.  

I’m not.  

Not anymore.  

And I can’t face that in his eyes. I know that if he looks long enough, if he really looks, he’ll see me.  

Me. Simon Snow. The washed-up failure of a Chosen One.

A Normal with magical parts. A weird freak of a hybrid who doesn’t belong in the magical world and is far too odd for the Normal world.  

I don’t fit. I don’t fit anywhere.

I thought I fit with Baz. There are moments I think I still do, moments when we’re soft and it’s just the two of us and the world fades away.  

Baz still thinks we fit. That we match.  

We don’t. Not anymore.  

(Maybe we never did)

But we certainly don’t anymore, no matter how hard I wish it.

No matter how hard I try to make myself fit.

There are moments, moments when Baz looks at me—when I see the love shining in his eyes, feel the touch of his skin against mine, feel his fingers in my hair, his lips sliding against my own—that I think maybe. Maybe it’s enough.  

But then I remember.

And I know it never will be.  

It will never be what we had . I’ll never be able to be with him that way again. I don’t mean be with him in a sexual way.  

I mean, I do mean that, in a way.  

Sharing magic is intimate. It’s the most intimate experience I’ve ever had. I can’t help but imagine how sex would deepen that intimacy—how magic would enhance it, strengthen it, intensify the moment.  

Not that I’d know.  

Baz and I haven’t had sex. Not really.  

Not yet.

But I’ve thought about it. Not going to lie about that. I’ve thought about it a lot.

I have moments when I think I’m ready to take the next step, to move to the next level with Baz. When I want it so much.  

And then I think there’ll always be something lacking. It will never have that intensity without magic.  

Because I’m not magic.  

I can’t give that sensation back to Baz. He was giddy, exhilarated, drunk with it that night in our room. It was the most enchanting, mesmerizing thing I’d ever seen.  

It was beautiful and we shared it. Together.

I’d gladly relive that moment over and over.  

But it can’t ever be like that again.  

That’s what I’m afraid of.  

That no matter how good it is, it will never measure up to what it could have been .  

With magic.  

And in that moment, Baz will see what he’s missing. He’ll see me for what I am.  

Less.

Lacking.

Broken.  

I don’t want to be seen that way. It’s better not to be seen at all.  

But I still want. I want him so much.  

Kissing Baz is like completing a circuit. It makes me feel whole. Like I felt when I shared my magic. When I inexplicably trusted him with it, with me .  

When Baz trusted me back. Trusted me enough to let me push my magic into him. I didn’t ask. I didn’t really think. I just did it.  

I did it because it felt right.

I didn’t know what could happen. I did it anyway. And he let me do it.  

Every time. I just reached out and touched him and pushed until the magic poured out of me. I let him take what he needed.

My magic felt stable when I was with Baz, when he was directing it, when he was with me that way.  

He’s still with me, but not like that.  

It’ll never be like that.  

It’s like having a dud firework. There’s a spark but it never goes off. You never get the glorious ending you’re expecting.  

I’ve no experience with any of this. It’s not like I really know what to expect.  

Not that Baz does. He hadn’t even kissed anyone before last Christmas.

So I suppose we’re a match of sorts in our inexperience.  

I’d kissed Agatha, of course, but that was never even close to what I felt when I kissed Baz for the first time. Or the second.  

Or every time since.  

I didn’t really think about sex when I was with her. Not the way I do with Baz. I don’t know—maybe I was too caught up in all that was going on to let myself think about it.

Maybe I was too worried I’d go off.  

Maybe I just wasn’t attracted to Agatha the way I am to Baz.  

There is no question I’m attracted to Baz. I’m just as much of a moron as he always said I was, for not realizing sooner.  

For not seeing that there was so much more to my obsession than just trying to figure out what he was plotting.  

Wondering what his hair felt like or appreciating his muscular thighs definitely had nothing to do with plotting .  

It was well gay, is what it was. I can see that now. And I’m fine with it. I am.  

It’s the one thing I’m sure of, how much I love Baz.  

It’s the only thing that breaks through the static in my head. It’s what gets me through the day.  

Loving Baz is what’s keeping me afloat.  

Everything about him. His voice, his scent, the way he says my name, the smile he saves just for me.  

I love touching him. I love running my fingers through his hair, feeling his skin against mine, making him sigh that way he does.  

Watching his eyes go half-lidded with pleasure, his head tilting back, hair mussed and tumbled. Because of me. Because of what I’m doing to him.  

I can do that. I can make him feel good. Sometimes it’s enough to distract him from focusing on me.

There are moments that I touch Baz and I don’t want to stop. I want my hands to speak for me, to say the things I can’t. To show him the love that’s in my heart, that burns in my soul.

I don’t want him to stop touching me then, when I feel like I could go off from the sensations he brings to me, that I could go supernova.  

But I can’t do it. I pull back. I can’t feel the flames of my magic licking under his skin and I want to.  

I want to.  

But it’s not there and all he’ll see is me looking back at him, blank and empty. And I can’t do it. I pull away, retreat into myself.

I’m not pushing him away. I’m just pulling back.  

Sometimes it’s more than that. Sometimes I do recoil from his touch. It makes me feel too much. It’s as if he’s cracking me wide open, seeing every part of me. All that’s hidden.

The broken parts.

That frightens me.  

There’s not much that scares me, really. But seeing the reality of myself reflected in Baz’s eyes does.  

I know it hurts him when I pull away. I see the distress. The concern. The way his touches turn feather light, tentative, cease completely. How he retreats.  

There’s never pity. Not yet, at least.

I want to touch him now. I want to tuck his hair behind his ears and pull his face to mine and snog him senseless.

I want to touch his body, warm his skin, light a fire in his veins, make him feel my love—every pounding heartbeat of it.  

Let him know he is the centre of my world, even if my lips can’t speak the words.  

I would cross every line for him. If I could.  

Baz stays over some nights. I usually sleep better when he’s here. I don’t have as many nightmares.  

Nothing calms me like the sound of his breathing. I missed having another person in the room the first few weeks after we moved in.  

I wanted to tell him. I wanted him to stay. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and imagine we were back at Pitch Manor. Back when things were good. When things were magical.

When I was magical.  

He does stay, some nights. He’d stay every night if I asked him but I don’t.  

I think that would be too much. Too much for me.  

The more he stays over the more . . . the more we experiment. Take small steps to being more intimate.  

Slowly.  

Very slowly.  

With me setting the pace.  

Each time he stays we get closer . . . closer to something. And each time my anxiety ratchets up higher and higher and I pull away and we take a few steps back.  

And then I want him so much and things heat up again and I just can’t do it. It’s not his fault. It’s me.  

But I know he thinks he’s doing something wrong.

I don’t know how to tell him that everything feels right and everything feels wrong and I can’t tell the difference sometimes.  

Not until I do. And then I have to stop.  

I look at him right now and it makes my chest ache.  

I want him to stay tonight.  

I want him.  

Read the rest at ao3.

#carry on #wayward son #simon snow #baz pitch #snowbaz #chapter 17 #my fic #my writing

[snow-pitch-grimm]

A Perfect Match

Summary: In a world where those with magic are matched by fate, Baz and Simon are two idiots that can’t see what’s right in front of them.

Oh, and there’s a group of mages that’s not too happy about Natasha Pitch’s new leniency toward magical ‘infected’ creatures.

Creatures like Baz and Simon. (Someone help these poor boys)

Read part 1 here.

Chapter 2

BAZ

I wake up in an unfamiliar place. The colours were are a bit muted and the room seems a little titled.

The bed is too big.

It was unfamiliar but familiar too.

Somehow, I know it's a dream.

The door opens a young man walks into the room, half-dressed with only his pants on.

"Hey, Darling," he says leaning down, "You're finally up,"

"Simon?" I whisper, looking into his blue eyes.

(So blue)

(It's a dream)

He laughs softly.

"Yes, love?"

(It's a dream)

I wake up in my room. The moon is shining outside, and the wind is howling.

There's no Simon.

For some reason, I can't help but be disappointed.

"At least this time I knew it was a dream," I mumble to myself.

Usually, the dreams of Simon are less vivid and more convincing.

Huffing, I curl up under the covers again, this time hoping for a dreamless sleep.

SIMON

I wake up slowly, my eyes taking in my room.

White ceiling, baby blue walls, the light coming through the window, the bright yellow glow of my-

Wait-

Bright yellow.

Not white.

I sit up instantly and pick up the orb from my nightstand.

I'm not imagining it. It's glowing a bright yellow.

"Oh my god," I whisper, scrambling for my phone.

I quickly dial Penny's number and she picks up at the third ring.

"Hey, Simon. Why are you-"

"My orb's glowing colour," I say quickly

There's a pause.

"I'll be right there," she says

"Okay," I breathe out

The line goes silent.

I pick up my orb again, looking into its bright yellow light. The colour of the orb always symbolizes something important between the people in the match. Bright yellow could mean so many things.

Happiness. The sun. Sunflowers, A gentle love. A-

My door flies open and Penny bursts sin, looking exactly like the tornado she is.

"Hey," she says, plopping down beside me, "It's pretty,"

"Yeah," I whisper

She smiles and hugs me close. I clutch back at her with one arm, the orb still between us.

"Congratulations," she says

"Thanks," I say, as we pull away

"So," she says, "When do you think you'll start seeing the signs or is it the pull?"

I shrug, "Honestly, I don't even know,"

Years ago, the answer would have been simple. Mages had dreams.

But I'm not a full Mage anymore. Not since I had been infected by the dragon scale.

There are two options for those who become infected. The majority die quickly, the scales ripping them apart from the inside out.

But for a few like me, the scales take a different path, changing skin and growing wings.

I had talked with a dragon after changing. According to them, the dragons see 'signs' that showed them who their intended was. The signs can be anything from a small flower to a natural disaster. Eventually, there's a small 'oh' moment and everything just clicks into place.

"It is not a search child, more of an invisible hand giving you directions until you finally see,"

I had also talked to another infected, the only one I could find, and according to her, there is a thread that pulls you until you're you just know.

I still didn't know which one it was.

I hadn't even been sure that the orb would glow for me or if I was too much dragon, too little Mage.

When it had glowed white, I had nearly cried of happiness. It had been easy then, to completely open myself up to the prospect of a soulmate. But now, sitting here, with my orb shining like the sun I felt a sense of dread run through me.

Did the glowing orb mean that my match was a Mage? Or was it an indication. Would they still have dreams? What is it was another creature? What if-

"Simon," said Penny, putting a hand on my arm, "Simon!"

I shook my head, concentrating on her touch and trying to clear my thoughts.

"What are you thinking?" she asks softly

"I-I don't think I'm ready," I whisper, feeling just a little bit ashamed. I had bothered her so many times with theories about my match and now I couldn't even face the idea.

"Oh Simon," she says softly, pulling me into another hug, "You know that's okay. I'm not sure if you can do anything about the dragon scale part of it but you can at least close any contact that you have through the globe, yeah?"

I nod. Whether or not it was the way to find my soulmate, I definitely felt a connection to the orb. If the person on the other end was a Mage having dreams, I couldn't control what they could have already seen but I could certainly control what they saw in their dreams from now on.

"Do you want to do it now," she says

I nod again and she gives me a little space to hold the orb in front of me.

I close my eyes and think of an open door. Slowly and carefully, I imagine it being shut. As it's about to click shut I hesitate and decide to leave it open just a crack.

No need to completely leave my match in the dark.

I open my eyes and Penny's smiling at me.

"Done?"

"Yeah,"

She smiles, "I'm proud of you Simon,"

Grateful, I give her another hug. I know what she's talking about. Being the most powerful Mage to be born in centuries, I had always let others dictate what I was doing and how I was doing it, feeling a sense of obligation to the magical world around me.

Being infected had given me the chance to step back and take a deep breath.

And go to therapy.

So much therapy.

"Let's go get breakfast," says Penny, probably trying to distract me. It's usually a pretty good strategy until I'm ready to analyze whatever issue is going on in my head.

On cue, my stomach growls.

She grins an pulls me up, I let her lead me as we both head downstairs where my grandma is probably already sipping on her tea.

"Thanks, Penny," I whisper. Worlds will probably never be enough to convey how grateful I am for her but they mean something.

Especially when she smiles a full grin at me.

"Anytime Simon,"

BAZ

I wake up feeling refreshed and rested.

Until I remember the dream.

Damn it, I'm not supposed to be dreaming of Simon again. I'm supposed to be dreaming about my match.

Apparently my subconscious isn't getting the message. Or maybe my match just isn't ready for us to connect.

I sigh.

It's disappointing but not unusual. A lot of people like to wait until they've settled into their life before meeting their match.

Now I just have to get rid of the Simon dreams.

I sigh and get up to get myself ready.

After a quick shower, I'm feeling a lot better. The dream was probably just a one-off. I haven't dreamt too much about him since the Academy and I'm sure the dream was from thinking about him at the party.

Yes, that was probably it.

Downstairs in the kitchen, everyone except my mother is already there.

"Good Morning," I say, sliding into the seat reserved for me. We all had unofficial seats at the table. When I was young there had been only four. Mum at the head, father on her right, Daphne on her left. Mordelia had been born and another chair had been added beside Daphne's. Then two more and some years late, another one.

The twins sit together at Father's side and my brother sits beside Daphne. Mordelia's on my right.

"Happy Birthday, Baz," she says as I sit down, beaming smile.

Everyone else smiles at me echoing her birthday wishes.

"Where's Mum?" I ask after thanking them

"She had an early call from a council member," says Daphne, putting eggs on Collin's plate.

"Huh? What about?"

Father and Daphne look at each other with a grimace. I'm just about to ask them what's wrong when my mother walks in, the phone still pressed against her ear.

"And I'm done with this conversation. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm about to have breakfast with my family. You have yourself a nice day,"

She sits herself down into her chair and sighs.

"Everything okay, Mother?" asks Mordelia

Mum smiles at her, "Yes, Darling. Everything's fine. Just a disagreement about some recent changes in the match ceremonies,"

Mordelia nods and goes back to eating but I can't help but feel a little bit of guilt. There are many who are not happy with my mother allowing changed Mages like me to get an orb and many have accused her of changing the law just to favour me.

"I'm sorry mum," I tell her

"Don't worry darling," she says, "Now tell me, have any sweet dreams?"

I shake my head, "None yet,"

Father smiles, "No worries. That's quite normal. Not everyone is as lucky as us,"

Mum and Mother smile at him, their eyes saying more than their words ever could.

"Of course Father," I say, feeling a small warmth that I always feel after witnessing the strength of their bond.

The rest of the breakfast is spent talking amicably about school and the upcoming coven issues.

After breakfast is cleared, my family brings out presents for me.

They range from amusing (a small vampire figurine from Mordelia) to thoughtful (a signed copy of Great Expectations).

"Where did you get this," I ask, looking at it in awe, "And exactly how expensive was this?"

"Took some digging," says Father, "And you know we're blessed enough for money to not be a problem,"

I smile and get up to hug all three of my parents.

"Thank you so much," I tell my family, "All of you,"

"It's no problem, Honey," says Daphne, "Now, I believe you're spending the day with your friends,"

"Yes," I say, starting to clear my dishes.

"Don't forget the party tonight," says Father

"Of course," I say as I head out, any bad feelings from the morning already forgotten.

I really do love my family.

#tyrannus basilton grimm pitch #simon snow #snowbaz #carry on fic #carry on fanfiction #snowbaz fanfiction

[chuffyfan87]

Boxes Of Memories. Part B

“Erm. It gets worse... I’m not sure you need to know...”

"Is it some kind of souvenir box from all your past conquests or something? Is there anything of mine in there?" She asked. She was more amused than jealous, having known him for so long it wasn't like she didn't know he had a past. Just like he knew she had a past too. But that's exactly what it was - in the past.

“I honestly don’t remember this box, it must have all been shoved in here from a drawer years ago. Do you really want to see?” He asked her, unsure whether it would be a good idea.

"Its not like I didn't meet 90% of the women you slept with over the years Charlie..." She pointed out. "Did you stash them away in a panic when you and Baz moved in together?"

Charlie looked sheepishly at Duffy, “I think so. This box makes it look like I slept with anyone."

She tentatively pulled back the lid. "Omg!" She gasped.

“It looks worse than it is...” He attempted.

She reached into the box and pulled out a very skimpy black bra. "I've been wondering for years where the hell that went!"

He raised his eyebrows up and down. “Is anything else in here yours?” He questioned.

"I'm not sure I want to search too deeply..." She admitted. "For hygiene reasons more than anything. Though if this is anything to go by..." She held up the bra. "I'm not sure any of it would still fit anyway."

“Let’s file this under B for bin then...” He suggested.

"Good idea." She agreed. "I'm keeping this though."

“Are you going to try it on?” His eyes widened again.

"Maybe once I've disinfected it several times." She giggled.

He laughed. Reaching for the scissors, he opened the box, secured with the tape. Inside were books and records. “Yours I think.”

Looking over she spotted a Madonna vinyl on top. "Yeh, I'd say so." She blushed.

“I didn’t know you were such a Madonna fan!” He teased, finding another two LPs.

"I was in my twenties in the eighties, of course I was a Madonna fan." She rolled her eyes. "Just because you were an old man before pop music was invented..." She teased.

“Touché! We should listen to some of these later, you can educate an old man like me... “ He joked.

She laughed as she looked to see what else was in the box. "Oh..." She blushed.

“What is it? Someone’s boxers?” He teased.

"No." She mumbled.

He leant over to take a look but she blocked him. “What is it love?”

Her face was scarlet as she held up a book. It was the Karma Sutra.

Charlie raised an eyebrow, “Ahh is that where you learnt your skills?” He teased.

"Something like that." She mumbled, embarrassed.

“Have you ticked off the ones we’ve tried?”

"Maybe..."

“Any we need to have a go at?”

She placed the book by the door. "You can take your pick later."

“I think I might be too old for acrobatics!”

"Well, at the very least we can laugh at the photos!"

“Deal!” He moved some of the now empty boxes out onto the landing. They were making real progress.

Duffy pulled open another box and gasped, her eyes welling up.

Charlie noticed her reaction and looked over at her.

Duffy carefully removed a blanket from the box. "Megan knitted this for Paul when he was a newborn."

Charlie reached for the blanket, tears springing to his eyes.

She passed it to him, her hand brushing against his as she did so.

He looked up at her. “We should keep this.”

"I don't think I could ever part with it."

“Me neither, she was such a big part of our lives.”

"I still really miss her."

He rubbed her arm. “Me too. I wonder what she would reckon to all of this!?”

"You and me?"

“Yeah...”

"You would have gotten an ear bashing for sure!" She giggled.

He laughed. “Oh yes, that’s for sure!!”

"I would have gotten away with it. She would have blamed it all on you." Duffy laughed.

“I know! So unfair! She was never liked the fact I had feelings for you.”

"I think it's because she thought that all you wanted to do was get your leg over!"

“I guess I had that reputation, but it was different with you. I wanted to be with you, not just get into your knickers.”

"Though you didn't turn down the chance to get in my knickers when the opportunity presented itself." She smirked.

“That’s not my fault, you’re irresistible! But it wasn’t just about that”

"I know." She smiled softly, stroking her fingertips along his cheek.

“You were special Duffy, from the moment I first saw you and every day since.” He kissed her hand.

"I could take that description several different ways..." She replied, laughing off the compliment.

“You know what I mean Mrs Fairhead,” He laughed, tickling her sides to make her laugh even more.

"Stop it..!" She giggled.

“Make me!” He teased, continuing to tickle her, until she was rolling on the floor laughing.

In her attempts to wriggle away she crashed into the box she'd been looking in sending various mementos of her sons' childhoods scattering across the floor.

Charlie attempted to collate the pieces that had fallen onto the floor and onto her. Luckily nothing had broken.

Duffy gave him an amused glare as she picked up a drum that had fallen on her. "I could of killed you when Peter unwrapped this on his first birthday!" She remarked.

“Sorry, I wasn’t really too sure what to get a one year old at the time.” He laughed.

"Its ok, I got my revenge with Louis' presents." She laughed.

“I don’t remember anything that bad, you were always good at getting what he wanted, I thought.”

"You've clearly blocked the memory of the Christmas when I got him a two hundred piece Lego set."

“Ah yes... now you mention it.” He laughed.

"It was the boys' idea honest!"

Charlie laughed, “Sure it was!”

"It was worth a shot." She shrugged as she helped him place the items back in the box.

“How about I put the ones we’re keeping in the loft? We’re nearly done now.”

"Good idea. I'll look through the last couple of boxes whilst you do that."

Charlie rolled his sleeves up and began lifting the boxes out of the room onto the landing. He got the ladders down and climbed through the hatch into the loft.

Of the two remaining boxes one was full of paperwork - old bank statements and stuff like that which would need to be sorted and shredded at a later date. She put that aside as the final box was much more interesting.

By the time Charlie had cleared away the boxes and returned, Duffy was engrossed in the last box. “What have you found now?” Charlie asked, smiling to himself.

"Old letters." She smiled softly.

“Ahh,” He understood what these might mean to Duffy. “Family letters?” He asked her.

"From those most special to me."

“I think you should keep them, if they are special.”

"I plan to. Some of them make for interesting reading..."

“Oh yeah. If you want to share any of them, I’m here.”

"Well, you're the author of a fair few of them." She admitted bashfully.

“You kept them?” He whispered, taken aback.

"Of course." She smiled. "I kept everything." She blushed further, her gaze resting on a stack of old birthday cards.

“I didn’t realise...” He was touched by her actions and struggled to know what to say. “Are those from me?” Motioning to the birthday cards.

"Yeh." She fanned out the cards. It was easy to spot the cards he'd sent her on big birthdays but what surprised him most was a small, rather faded card that was hidden at the back.

“I love that you kept them, hold on - what is that one?” He asked pointing to the faded card.

"You probably don't even remember sending that do you?" She smiled. "You put it through my letterbox at the flat nearly thirty years ago now and then legged it before I could answer the door! I was surprised you even knew when my birthday was."

“I’d forgotten about that! I was so scared but I wanted you to know I cared about you.”

"How did you find out when it was? I hadn't told anyone at work."

“I can’t remember now, maybe your staff record?”

"Sneaky!" She giggled.

“I know, I could have probably got the sack. Love makes you do silly things though. What did I write inside it?”

"It does. Like checking star sign compatability." She mumbled, flushing a deep scarlet colour. She handed it over. "See for yourself."

“Do our star signs match? Oh god, is it that bad?” He chuckled, reaching for the card.

"Its very much a case of opposites attract with our star signs." She smiled.

"Taurus and Scorpio, a bloody good match I’d say.” Charlie looked down at the card, reading it, his face became red. Afterwards he just closed it and passed it back to her, embarrassed.

"I thought it was a cute message. I reread it several times. Which is why it's a bit battered."

“I meant every word. I’m just sorry it took me so long to get it right!”

"It was worth the wait." She replied, echoing his words from their wedding reception. "You'll never guess what else I found in here." She grinned.

“I dread to think... I didn’t realise you had so much incriminating evidence against me! What is it now? Today has been full of surprises!”

She held up a small key.

He grinned at her excitedly. “Is that a key for your naughty diary or something else?”

"Oh it's the key to the diary alright." She grabbed hold of the diary from the floor beside her. "But to find out what's inside you'll have to catch me first!" She giggled as she leapt up and ran from the room.

#chuffy #charlie and duffy #charlie fairhead #lisa duffin

[diningpageantry]

tag game(s)

anï (i’m too exhausted to do three separate posts but i was tagged in three tag games over the past few days and i’d forgotten to do the last few games i was tagged in and i feel super guilty so here they are in one go)

i don’t know who to tag to do these rn because my brain is dead i am emotionally exhausted and i’m writing a fic that’s about halfway done so i’m gonna say tag anyone who wants to be tagged for any of these. i’m so sorry that i’m dead, i will be back alive again after may 10th, which is my AP exam day

six questions challenge

tagged by @simon--speaks

rules: answer the questions, then tag 9 people you want to get to know better!

Q1: Relationship status?

single bby

Q2: Favorite color?

maroon !

Q3: Top 3 ships?

snowbaz (wow) and uh. wow. idk who else. i wanna say my own ocs matchstick and summer (is that allowed? i’m making it allowed)

Q4: Lipstick or chapstick?

whenever i get to this question in any ask i freeze up because i use a tinted chapstick so i don’t look dead but like. it can also be seen as a lipstick because it has pigment. but. chapstick.

Q5: Last song I listened to?

Run by Hozier

Q6: Last movie I watched?

uhhh i watched like. 5 minutes of the emperor’s new groove a few days ago, and watched a documentary about obscure houses like 10 minutes before that. so. i’m gonna say the house documentary.

21 questions

i was tagged by @simon--speaks, @angelsfalling16, @wo2ash, @alixanderthequeer, @sharkmartini and @bazypitchandsimonsnow

rules: answer 21 questions then tag 21 people

nickname: anï, munchkin, menina, and my hebrew name is elisheva

height: the doctor says i’m 5′3.5″, but they can’t put fractions on IDs so according to the state i’m 5′4″ and i cling to that

last movie i saw: see above (so like. funky houses)

last thing i googled: (next town over) movie tavern. i’m not saying where it is exactly bc hah i don’t wanna be stalked but. i was looking at movie times because they have $5 movies every tuesday

favorite musician: frank iero. love that funky rat man and his funky music too (i’m gonna see him for the second time next month because i made the executive adult decision to say fuck it to my seizures and go see him anyway)

song stuck in my head: i don’t have one rn but usually it’s a song by the killers (when you were young is a usual one)

other blogs: none, actually! i didn’t delete my old tumblr purely bc i’m a nostalgic dumbass, but it’s a completely different login and it’s inactive so i don’t count it.

followers: 1,666 (originally i wasn’t gonna share the number but it hit this last night and i was like heh. nice)

following: 231

amount of sleep: 8ish hours! (spring break bby)

lucky numbers: 7, multiples of 3 (only in cases of knocking), and multiples of 2 (only in cases like volume)

dream job: writing and illustrating books! i have a variety of dream jobs within art, and even within the subcategory of books, but my top dream job is creating inclusive/diverse children’s books that represent a variety different ethnicities/races, religions, abilities, and identities so that children can see themselves represented in media

what i’m wearing: a black turtleneck, a bra, and marvel boxers. that’s it.

favorite food: soup in general. i make a kick ass matzo ball soup

language: english, conversational portuguese, i know a small small bit of japanese (i should know more given i was raised being taught it but i always struggled with it), and i know some spanish. i also plan on teaching myself ASL.

can i play an instrument: yes! i’ve been playing violin since i was 2. i wanna play guitar and i know some chords but i have small hands so it’s hard to find one that’s the right size that isn’t a shitty children’s guitar, and i sing! i’m an alto

favorite song: hnnghg please don’t make me pick................ i’d have to say choke on one another by death spells

random fact: so like. if you didn’t know already, i’m an LGBTQ+ youth activist on a national scale. i disappear on occasion because i’m doing something or another, and sometimes i post about it on my blog (speaking of i have exciting news that i heard, but at the same time, i’m pretty much booked every weekend from middle of next month until middle of july), but........ i hate networking. i loathe it. if i never had to network again, i’d be thrilled. networking is my absolute least favorite thing because i struggle at everyday conversation, much less networking with people at least 10-20 years my senior. sure it’s usually free publicity and i get great connections, but god. at what cost? and like.... it’s always after a really emotionally taxing event, so i’m already drained and then wow here’s a room full of adults who want my 18 year old input. please. just let me steal a cupcake then leave.

describe yourself in aesthetic things: dye stained fingernails and necks. cranked open windows during a spring shower. dried tears and breaking laughs. coffee stains and milky tea splashes. trembling fingers, writing instead of speaking because you’re too afraid, and finally breaking free--running through the rain. scabbing blood, fresh piercings. knowing you’re loved and not saying it because it doesn’t need to be spoken. the smell of a new canvas, paint splattered jeans, and art school sweaters. black skirts with docs, then fairy lights and soft blankets hidden behind sharp profanities and harsh disgust. the unexpected. the unknown. the ever-changing, unstoppable force of the shifting tides. 

carry on questions

tagged by @goodbyedandelion, @isthisisagoodkiss @wo2ash, 

1- favorite type of scone? 

cranberry orange! one of the farms a county over has a market and they sell them there and they’re to die for (altho, i found a sour cherry scone recipe that i’ve perfected and my family loves them so they’re a close second now)

2- london or la?

i’ve never been to london, but i’m gonna have to go with london. i went to la last october to present in an awards show for my organization and i lowkey was underwhelmed. i’m very much a gloom and rain kinda person, and it was too dry and sunny there. although, i did think the huge succulents were sick as fuck. but yeah definitely london. i’m planning to spend a semester abroad there in a few years for an illustration program

3- kissing in a forest or holding hands under the stars?

i’m afraid of forests because we have a lot of wildlife and i don’t want to get mauled by a bear don’t mind me holding hands under the stars :)

4- jeans or suit?

suit suit suIT SUIT suit. i love wearing suits. my chest doesn’t cooperate and my hips always hate them but god i do love suits.

5- loose hair or pulled back hair?

mine looks better loose, and my sides/back are shaved but the top reaches my ears, so it gets annoying sometimes and i pull it up to keep it out of my face

6- vampires or dragons?

i wanna say both. i used to say “yknow a dragon but in human form would be hot” then i got called dragon fucker for like two years so out of pure spite i’m going with vampires.

7- what saying do you wish could be a spell?

(this one’s a very specific reference so hear me out) “i’ve got to go pee on her”  used to disorient and confuse the speech of the person casted upon. it’s one of my favorite quotes from scott pilgrim vs. the world (my favorite movie ngl) when scott’s brain can’t figure out two different sentences and he just says that. it’s so good and just fuckin weird that i love it.

8- which carry on character would you go on a coffee date with if you could?

depends tbh! if we’re talking date date, then penny because i would wife penny in 0.5 seconds, but if we’re talking friends getting coffee then 10000000% baz because i’d talk activism and identities with him

9- favorite carry on quote?

“he told me we would be stars” (i don’t have my book on me so i could be getting the line wrong), but it hit so hard for me. like it’s clear how davy manipulated lucy so much that she fell into it and couldn’t crawl out. it’s such a powerful message of control from those who are charismatic enough to hold it, and how sometimes we aren’t weak enough to let go.

10- how excited are you for wayward son?

lemme paint this picture: i started hyperventilating in the hallway when i found out, and then cried an hour or two later when my friend texted me that he preordered me a signed copy. like. i’ve been pre-planning how to get home from college to come and pick it up (okok the 24th is also my dad’s birthday so i’m. um. “coming home to visit him”, of course) because i’m just SO EXCITED to read them again in a canon way :’)

#anï rambles #tag game

[yashalex]

crash and burn, baby. crash and burn   [Chapter 11] Previous chapter is here It’s not a problem when your best mate finds a new crush and forgets about you. It’s the problem when his crush takes an interest in you and you don’t really mind. Or: Lucas Lallemant, a new guy in the school, attracts Eliott’s best mate attention… and not just his.

Chapter 11 Lucas’ friends have some questions

lucallemant I think I have food poisoning and I’m dying

srodluv i knew that the bacon’s gone off

lucallemant so it’s definitely not the mix of fennel, cinnamon and bacon then???

srodluv doubting my culinary skills?

lucallemant doubt you have any

srodluv ouch offended lucallemant I think I know how to make up for it ;)

srodluv I’ll give you a chance maybe :P

“Are you sure that he was with you all night?” Idriss asked Sofiane while exploring Eliott’s face with narrowed eyes.

“Why are you asking?” Sofiane asked unwillingly, not giving him a straight answer.

“He looks like a dead man but he smiles like he’s just had the best sex in his life,” Idriss commented and that made Eliott realize that it was best for him to return to his friends’ conversation and put away his phone.

“It looks like we were busted, right?” Eliott winked at Sofiane playfully but the guy didn’t share his enthusiasm. “Why can’t I just be in a good mood?” Eliot turned to Idriss who shrugged his shoulders.

“Don’t know but yesterday you were really moody and now you’re literally shining, that’s weird,” Idriss noted the obvious.

“Well, yesterday is in the past and today is a new day, isn’t it?” Eliott smiled at the thought of how fast things can change.

When he and Lucas woke up this morning they had a usual routine of the couple who’s just moved in together, except that wasn’t the case. They were kissing, eating their breakfast, kissing, putting on their clothes, kissing, taking off their clothes, kissing, putting on their clothes again trying to keep away from each other just to come to school in time. That was a really hard thing to do. And saying their goodbyes and not being able to walk to school together was even harder. Sofiane was waiting for Eliott at his house and they met Idriss on their way later. But that thing was that Eliott was already missing Lucas. “So have you already decided what are you going to give Emile for his birthday?” It looked like Idriss was the only one who was ready for conversation while Emile was delaying somewhere. They were in the canteen on their lunch break and there was dead silence between at least two of them. Sofiane was trying to avoid Eliott the whole day, Eliott decided not to push his lack with him and Idriss clearly felt that something was off but decided not to point to it. That was a good move of him.

“Well, we kind of agreed to go to London together this summer so we’re trying to save up some money. He made me promise not to buy him anything,” Eliott answered.

“But you’re still going to get him something, right? He’s your best mate!” Idriss protested and Eliott just shrugged his shoulders, not knowing what to say. Frankly speaking, he really had some surprise ready for Emile but he didn’t trust Idriss to be silent about it, and that was too special for him to be ruined like that.

“I’m sure Eliott will manage to surprise us all,” Sofiane murmured under his nose and Idriss’ patience was at its end.

“What the fuck is going on between you today?” He asked demandingly and Sofiane and Eliott exchanged glances. By the look on Sofiane’ face, Eliott figured that he’s been left with the prerogative to explain it.

“Well, as you remember I wasn’t in my best mood yesterday, so when Sofiane didn’t understand what I was trying to explain him I crossed the line a couple of times with my annoyance. And I’ve already told him that I’m sorry.” Eliott made the lamest excuse ever and looked at Sofiane because the last part was true. He was really sorry. Eliott never had an intention to put his friend in such position, but he had no choice.

Eliott wasn’t sure that Idriss one hundred percent bought this bullshit as he still looked suspicious between two of them but at least he left it without further questions. Eliott felt relieved but not for long as Emile finally joined them at the table and he wasn’t alone.

“You don’t mind boys joining us, yeah?” He asked with a smile while pointing to Lucas and his friends who were already settling in as if they didn’t need their permission. And they really didn’t need it.

Emile sat next to Idriss and made sure that Lucas joined him and that how the boy turned out to sit right in front of Eliott, who was trying his best to hide his smile. Other boys surrounded Eliott at the right side of the table, smiling widely.

“I think we still didn’t have a chance to meet officially. I’m Yann.” Lucas’ best friend extended his hand to Eliott and he shook it. “And that’s Arthur and Bazile.” Yann pointed to the other two blokes.

“And I’m Eliott but you probably already know that.” Eliott smiled at them politely, thinking about how strange the situation was. He didn’t even have a chance to chat with the boys which his friends really liked, but he’s just spent the night with their best mate.

“Have you seen that? He can smile!” Bazile exclaimed. “I bet this smile can conquer any girl, right?” The guy looked at Eliott like he really expected to hear the answer on that.

“Baz, stop, it’s embarrassing!” Lucas said to his friend but the smile was playing on his face. The smile which could really conquer every heart. Eliott knew it from the experience.

“Oh come on. Look at that face! Tell me if you had a chance would you date him?” It seemed like Bazile was out of control and something was telling Eliott that it was in his character in general. He definitely had some crazy energetic inside him. “You like the boys too, right?” Now that was a question to Eliott and that cornered him. He had no right answer on this.

“Baz, can you shut up already?” Yann asked irritated. “Just because two guys like guys doesn’t mean that they need to hook up!” Eliott appreciated his input, trying to avoid looking at Lucas. Though he was sure that the boy was blushing right now.

“What? No! I didn’t mean that like that! I just notice that Lucas is the only one who Eliott followed so…”

“Is it so?” Bazile didn’t have an opportunity to finish his sentence as Emile took part in the conversation. Fuck!

Eliott’s completely forgotten about such thing as Instagram and how attentive people can be towards it. Since he followed Lucas it didn’t even occur him that him fallowing only the boy whom he’s hardly known could look strange. And, of course, when nobody mentioned it he didn’t even give this a second thought. He should have been cleverer than this, but his crush on Lucas’ clearly took over his common sense and now it was time to pay for it.

“I didn’t notice that. I thought it was in your rules not to follow anyone?” Emile sounded tense and Eliott began to dig himself a grave in his mind. He had no idea what he should say for it to sound at least a little bit logical and not suspicious. It was impossible.

“Well, I kind of made him do this,” Lucas suddenly stepped in and seven pairs of eyes turned his attention on him, Eliott’s including. “When he let me stayed at yours I kind of accused him of not wanting to be friends with me and the boys. And that he was letting me stay just to show off in front of you. He began to argue that it wasn’t like that and that was when I challenged him. I asked him to prove it by starting following me and, believe me, he fought like a tiger, but when I threatened him to come to you…” Lucas looked at Emile. “And complain about it he was urged to do that. It looks like you have serious control over him!”

The boy smile at Eliott’s friend and Emile looked much more relaxed now. Probably, he’s believed him. And Eliott knew that it wasn’t a perfect cover-up story, but he was grateful Lucas for giving at least something that could pass as the truth. He was too stressed to come up with something else.

“Now I’m offended!” Idriss resented. “Don’t I deserve to be followed too?” He clearly wasn’t serious, but still, Eliott needed to finally say something.

“Like you don’t know that I’m stalking all of you on a daily basis!” He rolled his eyes.

“That’s true. And your two or three pictures are not really worth of following,” that was Sofiane who said that piece. And Eliott knew that he was trying to help him here. “And, Lucas, you’re playing a dirty game making you page private by the way!” He was trying to switch the focus in another direction, and Lucas played along.

“I know, but the minute you decide to keep your privacy you become interesting. Look! All of you are following me now! Isn’t that a result?” He said playfully and Eliott noticed how Emile smiled at that. He was obviously fascinated with the boy.

“That’s right!” Arthur supported his friend. “As people say «Forbidden fruit is the sweetest »” The guy added thoughtfully, and that moment Eliott and Lucas’ eyes met. Oh, how right that was!

“You do realize that we’re risking now, right?”

Lucas stopped his and Eliott’s kiss, looking up at the guy. He was sitting on the table with Eliott standing between his thighs in the chemistry class. Eliott knew that it was one of the classes which were always empty after the lessons, so he saw an opportunity and took it by dragging Lucas here just to share a couple of minutes with him alone.

“You’re the last person who needs to worry. If we get caught it will be my problem, not yours,” Eliott took the boy’s face, smiling at his concern. “And the guys have already left, so just let me thank you once again.” Eliott joint their lips and Lucas willingly kissed him back, but something wasn’t right. Lucas was still tensed. “Ok.” Eliott took a step back. “Spill. What’s bothering you?”

“Do you think Emile believed in our story of me challenging you?” Lucas asked tentatively. And Eliott couldn’t but rolled his eyes. “I know that it’s your problem but still… I don’t want you to be pushed to telling him about us when you are not ready or not prepared. But you’re making such stupid mistakes! Following only me? Seriously? You’re lucky that they haven’t notice that earlier and that I was there to back us up. I saw your face, I thought you’d run up at to the hill at any moment!”

“Well, it isn’t my fault that your friend has such a long tongue,” Eliott reminded Lucas how they’ve got in such situation, but Lucas looked at him dissatisfied because that clearly wasn’t his point. “I know that I messed up, but I can’t think straight since the moment I saw you! You’re the only thing that on my mind all the time!” He gently touched Lucas’ cheek and the boy blushed, he clearly didn’t use to hear a lot of compliments, but he deserved thousands of them.

“Or maybe you want you to be caught?” Lucas assumed and that made Eliott frown.

“What do you mean?” He asked because right now the boy’s words didn’t have any sense. He was dreading the thought of Emile finding out about his feelings for Lucas though now it was something inevitable. Still, he wanted to enjoy the time Sofiane gave him. He didn’t want to be caught, not now.

“Well, sometimes there are situations when people have some secret and they need to share it but they’re too scared to do that. That’s when they begin to do things which can help them with that, but this is an unconscious process. They don’t realize that they’re trying to reveal themselves until it’s too late, do you know what I mean?” Lucas was speaking carefully in a clear attempt not to offend Eliott’s feeling in any way.

“Yeah, I get it.” Eliott nodded his head because now the picture became clearer. “And maybe there is some truth in it but still I don’t want Emile to find out like that. He deserves to hear it from me. And I promise that we’re not going to hide for long!”

“And then what? Are we’re going to be boyfriends?” Lucas asked teasingly and Eliott grabbed his face once again, looking straight at his big puppy eyes.

“We’re boyfriends,” He declared and reached to his lips, but Lucas distanced from him. Again. “Is it me or you’re already trying to break up with me?” He asked, having raised his eyebrows at the boy.

“I just want to thank you!” Lucas said and that left Eliott speechless. He’s done nothing for the boy to thank him. That was Lucas who has saved Eliott skin just a couple of hours ago and not another way around. A pure confusion on the guy’s face was evident as Lucas decided to explain, “Thank you for being here for me when I told you about my mum not wanting to see me. I really didn’t want to put this all on you as you clearly have your own problems, but sometimes my emotions took over me and I can’t hold back. And the fact that you stayed and that you didn’t say anything in the morning and that you don’t ask any questions…. that means a lot.”

Eliott couldn’t believe his ears. The things Lucas was thanking him for were something that everybody would do. Especially for such boy as Lucas Lallemant.  And they really haven’t talked about it since that happened and that was alright, Eliott knew that Lucas needed more time and in reality, he could wait for him forever. And once again everyone would probably have done that.

“You’re so stupid!” Eliott laughed kindly and messed up his fluffy hair. “I’m not going anywhere!” He promised and a smile finally came to Lucas’s face.

“That’s good to hear.”

This time that was the boy who started the kiss, pulling Eliott closer by his brown jacket and collapsing their lips together. It didn’t take Eliott long to answer back by dragging the boy in even closer by the back and holding his neck with another hand. Lucas wrapped up his legs around Eliott’s body and that made him feel things which were clearly wasn’t meant to happen in the school. And when Lucas’s tongue run along Eliott’s lower lip and then disappeared the situation only worsened. But they both could play this game. Eliott’s lips parted from Lucas’ and he began making a trail of kisses on his face starting with the corner of the lips then reaching his cheek, then kiss came on the boy’s cheekbone and the next kisses began to cover his neck. At first, Eliott was acting tenderly but with every gasp from Lucas’ mouth the intensity grew and he started to bite a smooth skin a little between his kisses and that’s definitely got a desired effect.

“You’re fucking kidding me!” Lucas murmured and Eliott laughed satisfied.

“Don’t you like it?” Elliott raised his head and look at the boy, whose face turned red.

“You know I do, but we’re in the school!” Lucas really tried to find a reasonable excuse for them to stop but Eliott didn’t care. He was burning inside and he had no desire to let the feeling go.

“And who cares?” He asked joyfully and reached to his lips again. Within a second Lucas gave in, grabbing Eliott by the hair and tugging him closer.

“WHAT THE FUCK?!”

The magic of the moment disappeared right at the moment they both heard the words. They simultaneously turned their heads to the door and saw Arthur, Yann, and Bazile looking at them with wide eyes and open mouths. The panic ran through Eliott’s body and he couldn’t even move, though he should have done this considering the provocation position he was in. And Lucas wasn’t better, he clutched in Eliott’s jumper even tighter.

“I knew that this story about Instagram was a shit! I told you!” Bazile shouted out excitedly as if he’s just won a lottery.

“Fucking shit!” Arthur hissed and then smiled widely. “I ship it!” He clapped his hands and that looked super weird.

“And I have questions!” Yann was the last to say, but his tone was the most serious of the trio.

Lucas and Eliott looked at each other, having shared a silence dialogue which in short meant: «We’re in deep shit».

#skam france #my fics #elu fic #crush and burn

[ilikebigbooks-and-icannotlie]

Also coming back from the dead because I have been sleeping on Lizzo and I listened to her full album yesterday for the first time and guys... She's like... Incredible???? Like so good???? So I'm kinda shook by this life-changing album at this point

Also I have recently read pumpkinheads, and wayward son, and I'm overwhelmed with love for @rainbowrowell

I actually got to meet her recently, which was incredible

I've met a lot of people since I've died and disappeared - I saw Leigh Bardugo for my birthday in January 😊

Seeing Leigh was a dream come true. I cried several times, it was an incredible experience worth every second and every penny. But as much as I love Leigh, and appreciate her books, no author has truly impacted me like Rainbow Rowell on a personal level.

I first read Eleanor and Park starting as an audiobook, listening with my little brother who's one of the most important people in my life. The beauty and the sadness and the magic of that audiobook, and the writing, and the relationship is so heartwarming and heartbreaking and I spent weeks thinking about those 3 words.

After that I got Fangirl as fast as I could and read it in a day. The human relatability of Cath, of Levi, of their relationship, of college, and then of the relationship I ended up getting into - there's something so lovely and comforting and relatable and beautiful about that book.

Then I leapt into Carry On, once again as an audiobook. God. The Simon. And the Baz. And my gay heart. And "you were the sun, and I was crashing into you." And the pining. And my dearest darling friend @darling-cas, whom I had just started talking to, and who graced me with a reminiscent Christmas present later on in the year.

I listened to Landline next, reaching for more Rainbow, for more something. And I didn't really get it at the time, or it didn't get me as strongly, at that point in my life, and because of that I never got to Attachments, which I now want to read REALLY badly. And I want to re-read Landline, too.

More recently, I started a re-read of Eleanor and Park with my boyfriend, once again in audiobook form, which is just as special to me, if not more, with every comparison to us he makes, and every concept further emphasized by the magical storybook fairytale type situation we got goin on over here. He still hasn't finished it, of course, but there's something so lovely about sitting with someone you love, and listening to something so close to your heart, and seeing it in a new lens, and experiencing it together, and that person understanding it.

I pre-ordered Pumpkinheads, read it as soon as it arrived. It was a Saturday. I passed it to him to read immediately after me. He finished it, and we went to a local apple orchard, picked apples, ate fall treats, got pumpkin flavored things, and smiled the whole day. The book is a hug from Fall itself, and it's just so happy.

Prior to seeing Rainbow for the Wayward Son tour, where he was coming along as my additional body to get extra books signed, he asked me what Harry Potter has to do with these books, because from what he knew, and when I explained Carry On, it sounded like a Harry Potter parody, which is incorrect. So I handed over Fangirl, read it with him over his shoulder on the train, and smiled at every smile and knowing glance, at every similarity to me, and us.

We were almost late to the Rainbow event. Spent less time in line, talked to less people, were less involved it almost felt like, sat a lot farther away. I hadn't read and truly appreciated Carry On in over a year. And an event that had meant so much to me, that should have meant so much more to me, sort of lost its touch. Which was honestly sad, and kind of heartbreaking. On my drive home in the car before the event I'd thought about all of the things I wanted to say to Rainbow, all of the things I wanted to thank her for, all of the things she'd done for me, and helped me through with her words, and I honestly started crying thinking about it all. And then she was in front of me at the take, and the words were gone, and I was rushing, and all I got to ask was why Simon's wings are blue on the cover. And the only reason I got a full answer was due to my lovely boyfriend, the Body, who was getting the additional books signed, so she could keep talking to me.

And we went home, and I was tired, and I felt a little lost. But I had this book. And I was getting three versions of it. So goddammit, I was gonna read it. And I did. In every spare minute I had. And I just finished it. And I never wanted it to end. And when it did, my first thoughts were "I want another."

Simon in this book is everything I ever feel about my relationship. Baz is everything thing I feel about my relationship. These two dumb boys sitting next to each other and basically wanting to touch, but not knowing how to, and not wanting to show emotion, or scare the other person, or believe they're going to stay. Perception in this book, about everything, is so so important. And it's so beautiful. And well done. And I DO like Agatha now! And I just. This is not an ending this cannot be an ending. Because it is simply not enough. Any amount of Rainbow will never be enough. An author who openly talks about her depression, and her fears, and calmly discusses these things, and who is so important, who started writing representation for people who no one really thought to represent.

@rainbowrowell YOU are the sun. And I am crashing into you. And your words and your books and your magic is burning me alive in the best way. And I never want it to stop. But if I have to wait another 4 years, I'll do it every time. Because you say the things no one else really knows how to. You depict emotions in a way I feel that no one else really does. And you capture it so beautifully. And I'll never stop waiting for more of that.

To be understood in a way that captures your soul, that comes from so many characters, across so many genres, from one person. I don't think I can every let that go.

#rainbow rowell #landline #attachments #carry on #wayward son #fangirl #eleanor and park #i finished it #and i had a lot of feelings #and i just had to share #s here they are #also im very mean to my boyfriend but he's kind of the most important person in my life one of those big world changing loves and i just #rainbow gets it #and if you read rainbow you get it #because it's the wrap you in a hug and make your whole body tingle with the feelings you dont know what to do with #but will never get enough of kind of love #anyways #mush #back from hibernation guys

[chelseawolfemusic]

Chelsea Wolfe Interview // DICE

Feature via DICE

Your new video for The Culling is inspired by Baz Lurhmann’s Romeo + Juliet — what does the film mean to you? “I was always a fan of the story of Romeo and Juliet, but the way Baz Lurhmann presented it in this film woke something up in me as a young person. Honestly, bits of the film have influenced most of my music videos and photos over the years. Even the language.. the way Shakespearean English was brought into the modern world and mixed with pop culture — I think that kind of style creeps into my lyrics a lot.”

The Culling What about the visuals and aesthetic connected with you?

“The costume design and set design really catered to the different sides I’m drawn to: this gothic darkness, the colourful Catholic flamboyance, and a soft, minimal innocence — Tybalt’s all-black outfit with the bright red vest hiding underneath and those amazing boots, and then Juliet in her white dresses. Overall, the set design in the Capulet crypt is something to be celebrated! A lot of people wouldn’t expect me to be drawn to colourful settings, but I really am, and I think this film was the catalyst for that.

How easy was it to recreate these visuals in The Culling video? That’s a lot of candles — did you have someone on fire safety duty?!

“It’s not so much that we were recreating it, but that final scene in Romeo + Juliet has always stuck with me with all the candles and the neon crosses in the crypt. The photo of Juliet laying asleep on the altar was my initial inspiration; something I gave to Bill Crisafi (along with a photo of the strange feast with the monster in Pan’s Labyrinth) to help guide his set design for the video — I can’t take credit for that part — Bill is amazing! We did make sure to have a fire extinguisher close by, and I asked the costume designer Ashley Rose to keep a special eye out in case something caught fire. Strangely, once we were rolling, I was able to just focus on the mood of the song and forget about the multitude of tiny flames surrounding me.”

Any favourite scenes in the movie?

“When Tybalt puts the cigarette out with his boot and says ‘Peace, I hate the word…’ and the fight scene that ensues — I love when a film is highly stylised, I just want to get lost in its world. I loved the priest tending to and explaining his plants, also, Romeo walking towards the altar on the path lined with neon crosses, and Juliet’s cry at the end when she realises Romeo is gone — I get tears in my eyes just thinking about it! Any scene with Mercutio is the best, and also Juliet and Romeo bein’ cute in the white sheets in the morning is so sweet.”

Do you remember the first time you saw the film?

“Actually my 13th birthday party was going to see this film with my friends! I remember seeing the trailer and just knowing I was going to be into it. After the birthday party viewing, I was speechless! I went to see it many more times after that and still watch it every now and then. It was one of my first strong aesthetic influences, along with Ingmar Bergman’s the Seventh Seal and John Waters’ Cry-Baby.”

Does the soundtrack from the film play an important part in your musical history?

“Definitely. Along with the film, the soundtrack had a big impact on me. I listened to it over and over. The Garbage song on there, “#1 Crush,” was a favourite (still is) and I’m sure it has influenced my own music.

Which song on the soundtrack means the most to you?

“That Radiohead song Talk Show Host. It plays when you’re first introduced to Romeo in the film. He’s off on the beach, writing in his journal and smoking cigarettes — I related to that mood so much as a 13 year old! I just wanted to be away from people, writing poetry and being myself, but I felt so much pressure to fit into societal norms. That push-and-pull made junior high and high school a living hell for me, and the Romeo + Juliet soundtrack got me through much of it.

“As I was writing Hiss Spun, I was in-between houses and had to stay with family for some months. Not having any personal space felt a bit like those teenage years and I was reminded of music as escapism. I spent a lot of time in headphones writing songs and finding that feeling of freedom in music again.”

#Chelsea Wolfe #The Culling #Romea + Juliet #DICE