#it's from april 2021 so i was working on the last chapter back then... and the second to last chapter maybe ? i was strictly writing | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

callsignspark · 4 months

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Mar[r]y Me - part 8.5.2

pairing: Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw x Mariella “M&M” Vertucci (fem!OC)

summary: A love story told through friendship, laughter, and food.

series warnings: 18+ minors DNI, discussion of insecurities, difficult family relationships, discussions of food and alcohol use, discussions of body image, conversations on what it’s like to be a fat woman trying to date in today’s society, extreme fluff, like soooo much flirting, warnings to be added as needed

word count: 3.6k

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note: happy Friday! I hope everyone had lovely holidays and 2024 is going well for you so far! I did have some issues tagging people so apologizes if you didn't notified! I really loved writing this chapter, especially since it's going to help set the stage for the rest of the story! (only 4 more parts to go! isn't that crazy??) please be safe if you have snow coming towards you this weekend, and enjoy these two pining and yearning for each other more than ever.

part 8.5.2 - rambling and rings

Friday, April 16, 2021

Mary waves at the obnoxiously large SUV as Slider honks and drives away. Leaning against the entryway table, she slips her heels off and wiggles her painted toes at the feeling of the soft runner beneath her feet. Shuffling over to the entertainment console, she hums as she connects her phone, choosing the song that was on in the car.

The dreamy guitar intro floats through the air, making her smile. And the last beams of golden sunshine disappear as she dances through the living room, enjoying the peaceful feeling that’s settled in her chest and closing the blinds in between twirls.

Good things are happening at work, rumbles that there’s a promotion coming on the horizon. The monthly call back home to her parents hadn’t ended in tears for the first time in months. Most of her evenings are spent in the company of at least one Dagger family member, helping Kris and Dani with their kids or enjoying the adult-only life with Aaron and Flora. Bradley is messaging her as often as he can, every email making her heart flutter, increasing her joy with every sentence he types.

Everything is coming together in ways she had never even dared to dream about.

An early dinner with Ron, Mav, and Penny was the cherry on top of a great week. The four of them laughing and telling stories the entire time, taking advantage of the warm spring weather at the patio table Pete had reserved for Slider’s birthday. As stories and photos were traded across the table, Mary felt like her heart could burst learning about baby Bradley. The only quiet moment of the evening was when their waiter brought an unordered round of drinks to the table, prompting the men to venture inside and thank the old Navy buddy that had spotted them through the window.

“Thank you, Matt; it was getting just a tiny bit too windy for us.”

“No problem, ma’am.” The young man smiles over his shoulder as he finishes turning the outdoor heater on. “Can I get you ladies anything else?”

“I think we’re good for now, thank you,” Penny answers, glancing at Mary, softening at the sight of the younger woman lost in thought as she stares out at the ocean with a content smile.

She watches as brown eyes drift from the water to the table, gentle fingers tracing over a copy of a photo that’s older than the girl studying it. Penny stays quiet, letting the sound of waves crashing on the sand accompany the slight furrow that creases Mary’s brow as she brings the photo closer to her face.

“He looks just like his dad, doesn’t he?”

“He does; he acts a lot like him, too, more than he realizes.”

“You knew him?” It’s not a surprised reaction, just curious.

Penny hums, “We weren’t close, but I knew him enough to see how much Bradley has turned out like him. He’s a good blend of both his parents.”

“Did you know Carole very well?”

“More than Nick, by default, but for the most part, we were at different stages in life. She was older than me by a few years. I was in college and she was a widow raising a toddler. But, as you know, the aviator community is pretty small, so we were friendly. I would even babysit Bradley sometimes when the guys were deployed.”

“He was a cute baby,” Mary says softly, eyes back on the last photo taken of the whole Bradshaw family.

“He was… turned out to be a handsome man, didn’t he?” Penny asks, taking advantage of the moment.

She smirks as the younger woman looks up at her through her lashes, a shy smile stretching her pink cheeks. “He did.”

“Can I ask you something while they’re still inside?”

“We’re not together. But we are going on a date the week after he gets back.” Now it’s Mary’s turn to smirk at how Penny’s eyebrows rocket up to her hairline. “That is what you were going to ask me, right?”

“It’s close enough. Are you excited?”

“I am. I really like him.”

It’s the first time she admitted it out loud to anyone other than her best friend. She revels in the encouraging energy and words Penny gives back, both of them still giggling like school girls when Pete and Ron return.

“What are you two laughing about?” Slider asks as he slips Mary’s wrap over her shoulders.

“Oh, nothing.” When Penny winks, she has the overwhelming urge to cry. The knowing look accompanying those two words is more affectionate and maternal than anything her mother has done in years.

Their hug goodbye lasts a few seconds longer than expected, and the gentle hands that smooth some stray hairs back make her throat tighten. Slider is quiet on the ride home; familiar with the many moods of Mary, he lets her work through her thoughts with the radio on low.

“Y’okay, kid?” He doesn’t speak until he pulls into her neighborhood, giving himself a five-block buffer to determine if a pit stop to the closest ice cream shop is required.

“Yeah. Just-” Mary pauses, trying to figure out how to best explain. “Just still getting used to it.”

“To what?”

“To how easy it is to just be me out here. Surrounded by people who have just folded me into their lives with zero hesitation, like I’ve always been here.”

“Mary, were you happy in Florida?”

“I was content. Getting to know you helped with that a lot, but let’s face it; if I was happy, I wouldn’t have been so excited to leave.”

“And you’re happy now?”

“I am. I can’t remember the last time I was this happy.”

It's a cheesy line, but true. She knew that when she said it, accepting the light teasing that followed with a smile. One that hadn’t left her face as she said goodbye to her mentor, one that grows as the song starts again. She can’t help how big her grin gets. This song always reminds her of Bradley.

“I'm in love, I'm alive. I belong to the stars and sky.”

Letting the song stay on repeat, Mary stops in the kitchen for some water on her way to the bedroom. It’s still early - not even eight yet - but a full night’s sleep is calling her name, eyelids feeling heavy.

She slips her clothes off, folding the jeans for tomorrow and tossing her shirt in the laundry. A small groan of relief accompanies the unclasping of her bra before she slings it into the hamper. Turning the bedroom speakers down slightly as she enters the bathroom, a grimace instantly creases her face when she catches sight of herself in the mirror.

“Jesus…” Her disbelief echoes in the room as gentle fingers rub over the harsh red lines where her clothes dug into her skin. It’s evident where the waistband of her jeans sat all day. And the tender spots under her arms lets her know it’s time to look for better-fitting bras, again. Mary tugs the leg of her panties up, relieved to see at least one piece of clothing hasn’t left its mark.

She’s massaging the sore spots on her chest, letting her warm hands diminish the pain, when her phone rings. Her eyebrows furrow deeper at the unknown number flashing across the screen.

Usually, at this time of night, she’d ignore an unknown number and let the other person leave a voicemail, but something in her gut tells her to pick up before it’s too late.

“Hello?” There’s a muffled response, and she scrambles to disconnect her phone from the speakers. “Hello? Can you hear me?”

“Hello, ma’am. Can I speak to Mariella Vertucci?”

“May I ask who’s calling?”

“This is Lieutenant Corso in the communications bay on the USS Roosevelt. Can you confirm your identity with your full name, birthday, and the eight-digit code given to you by Lieutenant Commander Bradshaw?”

Mary’s heart stops for a second. This is it. Bradley is calling. She’s going to get to talk to him after forty-eight days. Hear his voice. See his face.

“Ma’am?”

“Sorry. Mariella Theresa Vertucci, born March 14, 1987. The code is 0125-2020.”

“Thank you, ma’am. One minute, please.” The soft clacking of a keyboard filters through the phone, the Lieutenant's tongue clicking as he types. “You’ve been verified. Does the phone you’re using have video chat capabilities.”

“It does, Lieutenant.”

“Excellent. Stay on the line, and in a few minutes, a video chat will come through with Lieutenant Commander Bradshaw. You have been allotted 30 minutes today. I am required to remind you that communication is not secure. This means, for security purposes, you cannot ask what time of day it is, what location, or how any missions have gone. Please confirm that you understand.”

“I understand.”

“Thank you. I am also required to let you know that this video chat is conducted in a private area and will not be monitored. However, the audio will be recorded, so any lewd acts are discouraged but not forbidden.”

Mary can’t help the snort that escapes. “But not forbidden?”

“Uh- the uh-” She smothers a chuckle at how the kid trips over his words. “The Navy understands that loved ones are apart for long periods of time and can’t forbid any uh- urges that couples may wish to act upon during their chats. But we are legally required to inform everyone of the recording.”

“Ah, I see. Thank you, Lieutenant.”

“No problem, ma’am. Please stay on the line, and your loved one will be joining shortly.” She giggles at how quickly the hold music starts, humming along to Anchors Aweigh as she clips her hair up, ready to take her makeup off. She’s about to wet a washcloth when the music cuts, and the video call comes through.

Taking a second to look herself over, Mary admires the tendrils that have escaped, perfectly framing her cheeks that are still flushed from the wine she had with dinner. The slightest bit still tipsy and a little frazzled about Bradley, she realizes just in time that she’s still only in her underwear, hitting the accept button and dropping the phone on the counter.

“One second! Just- oh, come on! Fuck!” She curses under her breath as she struggles to slip into her bathrobe. “Hang on, Bradley!”

Finally getting both arms in, she ties the robe, eyebrows raising in surprise at how it cinches her waist, before eagerly grabbing her phone.

“Hi, Mary.”

“Hi, Bradley.”

She greedily drinks him in. It’s been 48 days since she’s seen his handsome face or heard his warm voice - the longest since they met - and she’s missed him. Her heart clenches at how tired he looks, the bags under his eyes more pronounced than ever.

“Hi, honey.” The sweet name hits something deep inside, and she can’t help the tears that immediately form or the way her bottom lip wobbles. “Oh, shit, Mary. Please don’t cry, honey.”

The emotional reaction surprises even her; she was expecting to be a bit overwhelmed, but nothing like this. It makes her feel a little ridiculous, crying about a man she’s barely even kissed. But you love him, her brain chimes in, sending more heat to her face.

“This is your uncle’s fault!” She laughs, swiping tears away and propping her phone against the mirror.

“Mav?”

She can’t help but giggle at his disbelieving tone as she reaches for a tissue. “No, Slider. He’s in town this week, and he may or may not - but definitely did - get me tipsy at dinner, like he always does!”

She trills on about dinner, telling him about the childhood stories that were shared and the baby photos that now live on her phone, not noticing the look on his face until he interrupts.

“You getting in the shower, Mary?”

The husky tone immediately grabs all of her attention, a shiver running down her spine at the smoldering look on Bradley’s face. She follows his eyes down, surprised to see how much her robe has come undone. The valley between her breasts is completely visible, and the fabric is threatening to expose her belly button - and more - if it’s not fixed.

“Oops…” She mumbles to herself, tightening the robe so much it pushes her cleavage together.

Normally, this is where her insecurities would ruin the moment - flooding her brain with terrible things. Make her spend the rest of the call analyzing how she looks in the tiny corner box, agonizing how prominent her double chin is from this angle. But the soft fuck that crackles through the phone squashes the anxieties before they can take root, shifting her attention to admire the man looking back at her.

And god, he is a man.

Bradley Bradshaw has always been gorgeous: tall, strong, and deliciously tan. But mid-deployment Bradley Bradshaw is a vicious attack to the senses. And the hormones.

His broad shoulders have gotten broader, filling the little privacy cubicle in the communications room so much that he’s brushing both sides of the walls. His curls are more golden than usual, clear evidence of time spent flying in the Pacific tropics. His tan is deeper, too, glowing even in the harsh florescent lighting, the bridge of his nose slightly sunburnt. His neatly trimmed mustache moves with his lush pink lips, warmth building in her core as her thoughts drift to the memory of how they felt pressed against hers.

“Mary?” She hums, eyes focusing back into the present and away from her favorite post-deployment reunion fantasy. “Whatcha thinking about?”

“You.”

It's clear he wasn’t expecting that answer from the way he drags a hand over his mouth to muffle a cruse, his eyes scrunching shut.

She wasn’t expecting it either; the effects of the wine have mostly worn off, leaving her with flushed cheeks and apparently a slightly looser tongue. She can’t bring herself to be embarrassed about the overly honest answer. Communicating exclusively via email for the last month and a half has allowed Mary to gain confidence in Bradley’s feelings. It’s hard to wonder about his intentions when every email ends with him telling her how many days are left until he’s home.

“Your lips…” She continues, emboldened as the last remnants of wine soften the sharp edges of her insecurities and the pink working its way up his neck. She loves how easily Bradley blushes for her. Their few kisses have always ended with his cheeks a lovely, rosy shade. “How soft your hair is. Your mustache. How strong you are. How much I miss you…”

The words make them both pause. It’s not an uncommon phrase, every email containing some variation of the sentiment, but hearing the words out loud makes it real. Cementing the longing in their chests.

“I miss you, too.” The words are quiet, echoing against the tiled walls. She chuckles, throat thick with emotion, and Bradley can’t look away from her soft smile. His heart pounding at the emotion on her face, something he can’t quite place. He can’t stop staring as she picks the phone up and flicks the light off, “Where are we going?”

“Couch.”

He smiles as the familiar walls of her living room appear, grin going slack when she props him up on the side table, and the slit of her robe reveals a thigh that he’s dreamt about as she shuffles pillows. Bradley manages to pull his mind out of his post-deployment fantasy as she plops on her couch - that damn pink couch - and smiles at him over the arm, her eyes almost closing she grins so hard.

“I’m sorry I missed our call.”

“It’s okay, Bradley. I knew it was a possibility, and Mav let me know what was going on. I understand.”

“I want to hear about your birthday.”

“I told you about my birthday! We’ve discussed it extensively.”

“I still want to hear about it. I want to hear your voice.” He revels as she softly whines and smooshes her face into a pillow, thrilled to cause that reaction. “C’mon, please, Mary?”

“You’re not fighting fair.” The muffled complaint comes back, making him laugh, but she does as asked.

Bradley listens, humming along as she recounts her birthday for him and insisting for the hundredth time that it was his pleasure to give her presents. He lets her lead the conversation as it shifts to what’s happening in San Diego, content to watch her as she shares stories of what he’s missing at home. Happy to just admire her and occasionally ask questions.

It’s so easy to get lost looking at her. Dark hair swishing around her shoulders, just slightly shorter than it was in February. Her brown eyes look darker than usual, the low light in the room making them almost black instead of the warm brown he’s used to staring into. And despite resecuring the robe, it’s coming loose again, enough that the top curve of her breasts are visible; freckles dotted all over, disappearing beneath the baby blue fabric. Bradley thinks about what it would be like to connect the dots on her soft skin, tracing invisible lines with his fingers or lips. He imagines there’s more hiding behind the waffle material. He wonders if she’d let him find out.

The fantasy of how wonderful it would be to memorize every mark on her body is interrupted as red nail polish grabs his attention. He loves her hands, smaller than his but so strong when she’s working on a jet. Steady as she calls out instructions to her team, grease smeared up to her elbows and her nail color of the week shining through the black sludge. Mary insists that she doesn’t talk with her hands, that she managed to avoid that stereotypical Italian-American trait, but Bradley smirks as her hands swirl through the air. He’s about to interrupt the story she’s giggling through - something about the latest swear word that Danielle accidentally taught Annie - when something sparkly on her finger distracts him.

A ring.

A diamond ring.

A simple silver band lined with tiny diamonds.

On her ring finger.

On her left ring finger.

His eyebrows furrow as he tries to study the never-before-seen piece of jewelry. Mary must notice his confusion because she cuts her story off and flashes her hand at the camera. “I bought this for myself when I got promoted for the first time. I went from EI to EII, which is entry-level engineer to associate engineer. It was $50 from this little shop that was on the same block as my first solo apartment in St. Louis.”

Relief sweeps through his body, thrilled that Mary hadn’t gotten engaged with him.

“That’s awesome. Have you done that every time you’ve moved up?”

“Kinda? I always buy myself some sort of gift - last time, I splurged and got that big blender we used at the Christmas party. But I’ve only done jewelry a few times. I think I’m going to get a necklace next time, something to match this.” She explains, wiggling her fingers so the gems shimmer in the camera.

“It’s very pretty.” Bradley compliments, feeling bold enough to go further. “You look good with a ring on that finger.”

“Jesus, Brad-”

She’s cut off by the two-minute alert popping up. They had been so distracted they weren’t paying attention to the countdown timer.

“Already?” Mary pouts, forehead crinkling as she frowns. “But I didn’t get to ask you about carrier food.

“It’s bad, honey. Yours is so much better.”

“Or how you’re sleeping.”

“Reuben’s snoring has somehow gotten even louder since last time we shared a bunkroom; Bob, Mickey, and I owe you for the extra earplugs you sent.”

“You’re sunburnt.”

“I’m wearing the sunscreen you gave me; the sun is just strong.”

“I knew I should have sent the SPF 75!” Bradley smiles as Mary throws her head back in faux despair. “Oh well, now I know for next time, I guess.”

“Next time?”

“Yeah. You didn’t think I’d only send you a care package one time, did you? I gotta make sure you have everything you need. I know I missed some stuff this time, but I’ll get better in the future! I promise.”

I love you.

He just barely holds the words in.

“God, I fucking miss you.” He stares at the screen, watching the prettiest brown eyes in the world fill with tears at his words. “Oh, honey, please don’t cry. I’ll be home so soon.”

“But twenty-four days is such a long time, and I miss you so much.”

“I know, but we’ve already done 48 days. Twenty-four will be a breeze to get through.” The timer starts blinking, the last 60 seconds counting down. “I gotta get going, Mary. But you keep sending me flirty emails so I have something to read and think about.”

He chuckles at the little surprised noise she makes. “You noticed that?”

“Did I notice that? Mariella, in the kindest way, you are not subtle.”

“Well- I-” She splutters. “Neither are you!”

“I’m not trying to be, baby doll,” Bradley revels in her reaction to the pet name - mouth dropping open as she blinks at him, cheeks pinker than he’s ever seen - one he didn’t even mean to use.

The flustered hand she waves at the camera while yelling at him makes him laugh. “Bradley!”

“I would say I’m sorry, but I’m not. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Be safe. Only 24 days.”

“Only 24 days.”

“I miss you, handsome.”

Bradley's face feels hot, choked up at the look in her eyes, the softness of her words. “I miss you, too, baby doll.”

They don’t say goodbye, choosing to admire each other as the final seconds tick away.

5…

I can’t wait to see you in person.

4…

God, you’re so gorgeous.

3…

I don’t want to hang up.

2…

I miss you.

1…

I love you.

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#top gun maverick fic #top gun maverick au #top gun maverick imagine #top gun fic #top gun au #top gun imagine #bradley rooster bradshaw fic #bradley bradshaw imagine #bradley bradshaw fic #bradley rooster bradshaw x oc #bradley bradshaw x oc #rooster imagine #DSS universe #MM fic #mar[r]y me fic #elle writes

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tightjeansjavi · 1 year

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Burning in a Hopeless Dream

Boston QZ : Part 10

“Safe & Sound”

Joel Miller x f!o/c

A/N: whew! What a journey this has been thus far. If a man ever treated me as well as Joel treats Gwen? Lord have mercy, I would fold so fucking fast. You’ll be in tears by the end. He’s so sweet to her, and your teeth will start aching. P.S. if you ever wanna write the softest, yet most toe curling smut in your life, just listen to ‘Roslyn’ by Bon Iver on mf repeat.

Summary: 2 weeks has passed since the night you were stabbed by one of Robert’s henchmen. Joel has refused to leave your side as you rest. He’s hopelessly devoted to you. He would do anything, kill anyone, just to see your eyes again.

~word count : 6.5k~

Warnings: implied age gap, established relationship, angst, trauma, brief mentions of PTSD. descriptions of a stab wound healing, hurt, comfort, overwhelming emotions, swearing, underlying possession, mentions of death, fluff, soft!Joel, protective!joel, feelings of guilt, consent, consent, consent, smut, mentions of fingering, teasing, edging, nipple play, praise kink, nicknames, unprotected p in v (wrap it kids) cock warming, after care, joel taking care of you the entire chapter pretty much about sums it all up. (+18) minors dni !

Songs for this chapter:

“Safe & Sound” by Taylor Swift/The Civil Wars

“Roslyn” by Bon Iver/Saint Vincent

“On the Nature of Daylight” by Max Richter

“Here With Me” by d4vd

“I Can’t Go on Without You” by KALEO

“Shelter” by Dorothy

“To Be Alone” by Hozier

“Can’t Take My Eyes Off You” by Engelbert Humperdinck

“Work Song” by Hozier

“Long Long Time” by Linda Ronstadt

“Kiss Me” by Ed Sheeran

April 2021 : Boston QZ

**Gwendolyn Gwen Brooks POV**

**flashback 1 week prior**

The last thing you could remember through your state of deliria was Joel’s voice, pleading with you to open your eyes. “Baby, baby. Hey, baby. Open your eyes dammit, please. Your eyes are so beautiful, Gwen. Please let me see them again.” He stroked your cheekbones gently, tears running down his face. “We’re gonna fix you right up. Gonna stop the bleeding and stitch you up, okay?” He had kissed you then, for the first time. He kissed you with tears wetting his cheeks, leaving salty streaks in their wake. He could taste the blood on your lips from the gash on your head, but he kissed you as if he could breathe life back into you from his lips alone.

His voice sounded fuzzy from the ringing in your ears. Everything around you sounded so far away as you were fighting to stay alive. You weren’t ready to go just yet. The world may have gone to shit, but you still wanted to fucking live. You swore in your last conscious moments, Joel Miller had kissed you.

He kissed you.

He kissed YOU.

You could taste the salty sweat mixed with his tears on his lips. The desperation seeping from his soul as he kissed you. Then, it all went black.

***end of flashback***

There were three times in your 28 years of life where you feared dying. The first was when your parents had gotten infected. 8 years ago, you lived with your immediate and extended family on your uncle’s horse ranch in Northern Michigan. Each year, more of your family was picked off, till it was down to the bare bones. Your parents hadn’t meant to get infected. No one really ever does. They just were in the wrong place, at the wrong time. What hurt the most as you remembered, was the fact that they hid that they had gotten bit. They were too ashamed, too afraid to tell their only daughter that their end was near. You could still remember the sound of their snarls, the dead look in their eyes. The sudden flip of the switch and your mom and dad were attacking you. You pleaded with them to stop. You didn’t want to kill them, but what choice did you have? It was either you, or them. You were the last surviving member of the Brooks family, and you were on the run.

The second time you feared death was getting caught up with some raiders. The group you had formed for the past few years had gotten split up and you were once again, alone and vulnerable. You knew you couldn’t take on a group of men on your own, so you did what you did best, you ran like hell. Right into Joel and Tess. You remembered the fear in your eyes, the adrenaline pumping in your veins as you threw the knife at his face. You had no time to figure out in those moments if these strangers were friends or fo. You were gonna continue to do whatever it took to survive.

The third time you feared death was when James stabbed you back at the abandoned QZ bookstore. The feeling of the blade piercing your gut, the air being knocked out of your lungs. Your anguished cries as you fell back, clutching your wound. Seeing stars behind your eyes from the pain. You could hear Joel’s screams, you could feel his heart pounding against his chest as he lifted you into his arms. His voice pleading with you. This by far, was the moment you feared death the most. You couldn’t run, you couldn’t hide and you were all out of ideas. Joel. Your fellow, your guy, didn’t deserve to deal with you dying in his arms. Despite the odds being stacked against you, you were gonna fight like hell.

______________________

You slept for a week straight. From the blood loss alone, your body was too weak and it needed its rest if you were going to fully recover. Joel was absolutely reluctant to leave your side. In fact, nothing was going to make him budge. Nearly losing you, had psychologically fucked with him. He had gone as far to sleep on the floor, next to the couch where you were resting. He held your hand in his and refused to let go, even when his arm ached and he lost feeling in it. By day 3, Tess had to physically force him to go and shower and change his clothes. He fought her on it in the beginning, but from his own lack of sleep and pure exhaustion, he gave in eventually. His much needed shower lasted all of five minutes. He didn’t care that the water was cold, or that he had gotten a bit of expired soap in his eyes. No, all that mattered was getting back to you on the couch.

Tess had sat beside you then while Joel was showering. She had checked how your wound was healing. Gently lifting your shirt up, she assessed the damage. She was looking for any signs that your wound could be infected and just as she was reaching for the bottle of Penicillin, Joel was coming down the hall, his hair dripping wet and he had a fresh shirt on, his eyes locked on the couch. His footsteps were heavy and fast as he approached and sank down on the end of the coffee table. He reached for your hand then, grabbing it gently in his larger one as he interlocked his fingers with yours. He’d be losing his mind right now if he couldn’t feel the warmth of your palm around his.

“How’s she doin?” He rasped, voice thick with exhaustion and lack of sleep.

“She’s hanging in there. Not out of the woods yet, and I'm still concerned that she’s gonna get an infection, Joel.”

He nodded then, giving your hand a squeeze as he brought it up to his lips, lightly brushing a soft kiss to your knuckles. His eyes focused on your peaceful face. With his free hand, he leaned over the couch, bringing two fingers against the spot where your jaw meets your neck so he could feel your pulse. It was there, but still faint. He retracted his hand then before his eyes zoned in on your wound. He had made sure to change the bandages over the stitches every few hours. He was extremely careful and gentle as he cleaned around the wound. What upset him this morning was seeing the evident blooming bruises scattered about your body. Bruises from James sending the heel of his boot into your gut. He took a deep breath then, exhaling out of his nose as he cleared those thoughts from his mind. He gently pulled your shirt back down over the exposed skin, bringing his free hand up to rub it against his face. It was killing him inside that you weren’t awake yet. He truly had no idea how long till your body would regain its strength again. He’d do anything, kill anyone, just to see your eyes, hear your voice, your laugh–

“Joel?” Tess spoke when he didn’t respond to her immediately. She could tell he was in some deep thoughts.

He blinked a few times, lifting his head up to look at her then.

“I heard you. Just, processing is all. Go ahead and give her some more of that. She’s breathin alright. That’s a good sign, right?”

Tess didn’t want to give him any false hope. If they had the proper tools, if hospitals still existed. Then sure, she’d be comfortable telling him that your chance of survival was pretty damn high. However, with these circumstances, she couldn’t sit there and lie to him and say that you would probably be okay. Especially when she wasn’t so sure of your survival either.

She looked over at him then, taking in the permanent frown etched between his brows. How dull his eyes looked. His lips were severely cracked, bleeding in some areas of the delicate skin. She expected he probably had picked at them till they bled as a distraction. To put it simply, the man looked miserable.

“Yeah, it's a good sign that she’s breathing Joel. We can’t get our hopes up right away, we don’t know if she’s going to–”

He cut her off then, his jaw clenching and unclenching. You were not going to die.

“No, Tess. Don’t say another word. Her body is just restin. She’s gonna be fine. Don’t you dare go speakin like that.”

She reached over to him then, gently squeezing his knee before she grabbed the bottle of penicillin beside him and extracted the liquid through the needle. She injected it in the same section of your arm that he had. Once the medicine was administered, she set the vial and needle back down beside him.

“You should really think about maybe getting out of the apartment for a few hours Joel. I can stay here with her and watch over her. You haven’t seen the sun in days, and it really might do you some good.”

He shook his head immediately. There was no way in fucking hell that he was going to leave your side for more than 5 minutes. He gave into finally taking a shower, but leaving the apartment, leaving you like this was not an option in his mind.

“No. I ain’t leavin her side Tess. Don’t ask me again, please.”

She let out a sigh then. Knowing that he wasn’t going to budge anytime soon.

“Alright, fine. It was just a suggestion. Just thought y’know it maybe would do you some good.” She got up from the couch then, grabbing her worn backpack off the chair in the kitchen.

“The only thing that’s gonna be doin me any good is staying here, by her side Tess. If I leave, even just for a bit, I can’t protect her. She’s fuckin vulnerable right now.”

Tess had looked over at him then as she slung her backpack over her shoulder, tucking her gun away. It broke her heart to see him this distraught. She may have let him go, but she still deeply cared for him and nothing was going to change that.

“Alright, I get it. I won’t mention it again, okay? I’ll be back later. Try to sleep, if you can.”

She gave him one last once over, with a slight nod, before she left the apartment. Quietly shutting the door behind her and locking it.

Joel knew that Tess was only thinking of the best for him. He just truly could not fathom leaving your side. He slowly stood from the coffee table, only to sink down onto the floor, on his knees, still grasping your hand. He used his free hand to lightly brush a few strands of hair from your delicate face. “Hey, don’t listen to her shit okay? I ain’t goin anywhere and you’re not dyin. Not on my fuckin watch.”

His forehead slowly came to rest upon your exposed arm as he closed his eyes for a moment.

“Look, honey. I would literally do anything, kill anyone just to fuckin see your eyes again Gwen. You take your time though, okay? Just, please get better. I’ll be here waiting for you, just like I promised. Remember that?” He waited for some miracle to happen. That suddenly your wound would be healed, and you’d open your eyes. He was grimly reminded that this wasn’t a fairytale. He wasn’t the prince charming who could wake you from his kiss alone. You weren’t the princess either. You both were just two people who endured the harsh reality of survival.

_______

For the next few days, Joel continued to be by your side. You started to show some improvement. It was nearly unnoticeable, but it was enough for his spirits to lift. He found himself talking to you more. It gave him some form of comfort, minimal at most, but it was something. He’d talk to you about Texas, his brother Tommy, Sarah, and how she probably would have fuckin adored you. He tells you about the painted portrait of you that Frank made, and how he’s going to give it to you as soon as you wake up. He tells you how he keeps the painting in his shirt pocket at all times, right against his heart. He even reads to you. He hopes that somehow, all of these one-sided conversations he has, will somehow coax you awake. Each kiss to your head, each gentle squeeze to your hand, has him hoping that you can feel it. That you can feel and hear him all around you, and that you're wishing you could open your eyes and see him too. Just as badly as he’s dying to see you.

By day 7, you were beginning to show increasing signs of improvement. Your breathing wasn’t as shallow, the color was slowly returning to your face and thanks to the penicillin, you surpassed getting an infection. Your body was still very much in pain, and you had a long way to go before you could be on your feet again. It was early evening when your fingers twitched the slightest in Joel’s hand. He hadn’t felt it at first, until your fingers had flexed again and he sat up immediately. Glancing down at your fingers interlocked with his. You moved them again, and his heart skipped a fucking beat. “Baby? Hey, honey. Can ya hear me?” His tone was incredibly gentle as he looked down at your face, waiting for the moment that you would open your eyes, anticipating it. Joel’s voice sounded closer, less fuzzy and more clear. You were slowly gaining your consciousness back and Joel was right there, just like he promised. When your eyes finally fluttered open, you had no recollection of where you were, and why there was a sudden dull pain coursing through your lower abdomen. Then, it all came rushing back. James, the knife, Joel. You panicked. Your body was trembling, eyes wide and frantic as you quickly sat up, wincing from the pain. You couldn’t form words, you were a shell of yourself and James had fucked you up, that was evident. You could feel Joel’s calloused, warm palms cupping your face. His touch was so gentle, you almost didn't feel it. His warm brown eyes were looking into your frantic ones. “Hey, hey. Look, Gwen. It’s me. It’s me. You’re okay, you’re safe. Y o u a r e s a f e.” He spoke to you reassuringly, his eyes stricken with concern as he looked at you.

You were in disbelief that he was really there. Your lips had parted open then, processing your conscious state. What you did next, threw Joel for a loop. You had gently grabbed his face then, and kissed him. There were fresh tears rolling down your cheeks as you went through an overwhelming amount of emotions. You felt like you were being hit by a fucking freight train. Over, and over again. A choked sob slipped past your throat then as he kissed you back. As soon as you broke down, Joel was cradling you against his chest as you clutched his shirt between your fists, gasping for air. The choked, anguished sounds emitting from your chest, shattered Joel to his core. “Hey, Gwen. Shh..shh..honey, it’s okay. I’m here. I’ve got you now. I’ve got you.” He had whispered softly against your hair. His one hand was gently holding the back of your head, while the other was resting against your lower back.

You struggled to take deep breaths then as he held you. It felt like your tears were neverending, heavy like a rainstorm as they trickled down your chin. You spoke finally, your voice was raw and cracked. “J-Joel i’m sorry I–shouldn’t have i’m sorry–” He cut you off in a hushed tone then, you had nothing to be sorry for, certainly not for kissing him. That was the last thing he wanted you to be upset at yourself for. “Gwen, honey. You don’t gotta apologize for that. Okay?”

You slowly lifted your chin from his shirt then, eyes glassy and your cheeks flushed and wet with salty tears. Your lower lip was quivering as you slowly nodded. “Okay.” You whispered softly.

“What can I do to..comfort you? I’ll do anythin, okay? Just name it. I hate seein you like this baby. Fuckin tearing me up inside.” He watched as you rested your cheek against his chest once more, your fingers had loosened their tight grip around his shirt now, but you weren’t going to let go anytime soon.

“Just–please hold me. Please, just hold me.”

He nodded then. Bringing his hand that rested against your lower back, higher up, pulling you into him as physically close as possible. Even then, that wasn’t enough.

“I can do that honey. I won’t let go, I promise.” Even when his arms began to ache, he refused to let go of you.

____________________

Sometime after, you had fallen asleep in Joel’s arms. You were exhausted and it was clear that your body needed more rest. He didn’t have the heart to wake you from your peaceful slumber so he instead carefully lifted you from the couch. His knees cracked slightly, and his back ached but he didn’t care about any of that. He quietly carried you to your room, setting you down upon the crumpled sheets. As soon as you could no longer feel his touch, you subconsciously reached for him. Your fingers were outstretched in his direction, searching for him. “Joel.” You whispered into the darkness.

“I’m right here, honey.” He answered right back. You could feel the bed dip down slightly from his body easing onto the mattress. You felt his strong arms slide around your smaller frame, pulling you into his chest gently. “M’right here.” He rasped out. He had pressed a feather light kiss to your forehead then. “Rest now, sugar. You’re safe.” His voice was like whiskey, smooth, warm, and comforting. That’s all it took to lull you back to sleep. Joel fought his own exhaustion then, forcing his eyes to stay open for as long as he could. He intended from this moment forward, to always keep you safe. When he could no longer fight to stay awake, his eyes fluttered shut. His dreams flourished with images of you.

You found it incredibly easy to slip into a routine with Joel. Not that you had much of a choice in the matter. He wouldn’t let you out of his sight. Not wanting you to exert too much energy. This man had gone from a big fat grump, to being overly protective of you. Not that you were really complaining. The thing was, you didn’t view Joel as your boyfriend now. The title seemed too cliche. You weren’t into the cliches, and neither was he. Your relationship was complicated, raw, and very much real. He spent every waking minute with you now. This level of domesticity was something that you had always craved, but never thought you’d ever get the pleasures of enjoying. Joel had no issues giving this pleasure to you. He found it to be just as comfortable as you did. He’d truly be okay with taking whatever it was that you’d offer him. Just having a small piece of you meant the world to him. You evaded talking about what had happened, nearly a month ago now. He didn’t push you to talk about it. If and when you were ready, he’d be there to listen. You had taken notice of Tess's continuous absence from the apartment. You hadn't seen her since that night. Joel assured you that Tess was fine, she was off doing her thing, whatever that had meant.

You could tell that the seasons were changing just by the warmth of the sun seeping in through the windows. It was comforting. Spring was in full bloom and you just wished for a moment, that you and Joel weren’t in this apartment. That instead, you were somewhere far away, tucked in a cozy cottage in the woods. It was a nice dream to have, as long as you realized it would never come true. Joel was comfortably sprawled out on the couch with your back resting against his chest. You still were getting used to the fact that Joel fucking Miller, enjoyed a good book now. You’d cause this man to turn absolutely soft. These moments were for your eyes, and your eyes only. Something had washed over you in those next few moments as you listened to Joel’s steady heartbeat, the rise and fall of his chest, his light chuckle at something he had read, the sound of the worn paper being flipped to the next page. Joel Miller was entirely yours.

You had carefully sat up then, turning so you were facing him now. His eyes flickered up to yours momentarily with a raise of his brow. You had delicately wrapped your fingers over the top of the book’s worn spine and coaxed it out of his grasp, tossing it onto the coffee table with a soft thud.

He made a slight sound of protest then. “Sugar, why’d you go and do that huh? I was still readin–” He was cut off by your finger tip lightly pressing to his lips then, silencing him. Joel was stunned, to say the least. You had slowly sank down into his lap then, straddling his hips, stealing the oxygen from his lungs.

“Is this okay?” You asked him then and his heart nearly burst right then and there.

“Huh? Yeah, honey course this is fine. What’re you up to?” His tone was light, and held a sense of amusement. He watched your face carefully then as he slowly dragged his hands up your thighs and settled them around your waist, playing with the ends of your frayed shirt. One that you had stolen from him.

“Can I kiss you, please?”

He let out a deep, throaty chuckle then. You were killin him slowly without even realizing it.

“Yeah, ‘darlin, Course you can. You don’t need to ask me twice.” He teased.

You let out a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding. Why were you so nervous? This was Joel, your Joel. Your fellow, your guy.

The feeling of his thumbs rubbing soothing circles against the soft skin on your hip bones was enough to coax you from your thoughts and back to reality. You leaned down then, cupping his strong jaw in your hand, your eyes locked on his, you were both anticipating the moment. Time seemed to stop when you had finally kissed him. His eyes fluttered shut, his fingers grasping firmly to your skin. Your lips were so sweet and he could easily find himself getting drunk off kissing you. you were his favorite drug by far. Your breaths were in sync as you kissed him languidly. You wanted to savor this fucking moment. Your chest was flush against his now. His kisses became desperate, needy. His teeth clashed against yours as he allowed himself the freedom of being completely consumed in you. He nipped your lower lip lightly then, letting his hands slip under your thin shirt, feeling the expanse of your warm skin beneath his touch.

“Tell me if it becomes too much. Don’t wanna overwhelm you.” He mumbled against your lips.

“Please, keep going.” Was your immediate response. There was zero hesitation behind your words. You wanted him as terribly as he wanted you. Your fingers were already toying with the buttons on his flannel as you detached your lips from his and started to pepper kisses along his jaw. He let out a hum of appreciation.

“Sit up honey.” His tone was huskier now, dripping with the desire for you.

You slowly sat up then, your cheeks were flushed and your lips were swollen from his kisses. You watched as Joel slowly began to lift your shirt from the hem. His eyes never left yours as more of your skin was revealed. He sat up slightly then gently gliding the fabric up your torso, over your breasts and finally, your head. The fabric was discarded to the side then. His fingers reached out and lightly brushed against your imperfect skin. Littered with scars, indents, you were like his own personal constellation. His thumb had brushed against the stitching on your abdomen then. You sucked in a harsh breath from the contact.

“You’re so fucking beautiful Gwen.” He breathed out.

Now you were the one left in shock. The butterflies swirled deep in the pit of your stomach and your head was spinning.

“Cat got your tongue, ‘darlin?”

He had a small smirk on his face now and you could see his dimple peeking out. God, this mother fucker was so handsome, you could melt into a puddle right now. “Shut up. You just always know what to say and frankly? It’s annoying as hell.”

He chuckled then, wrapping his arms around you, tilting his head down to be level with yours before he captured your lips in another searing kiss.

“Mmm. I tend to have that effect on ya sugar. What can I say?”

His lips had sinfully dipped from yours and made their descent down your jaw, nipping at the spot where your jaw met your neck. You immediately leaned into him then, stifling a quiet moan. He had found your sweet spot with ease. “You’re gonna be the death of me, Miller. I swear to god.”

“Ditto, Sugar.” You could feel his slick smirk against your searing skin. Your mouth fell open when he had sucked harshly at your thin skin, leaving marks in their wake. When his lips dipped lower, and lower, the need for more was becoming nearly unbearable. He had licked a hot stripe between the valley of your breasts. Your fingers had found their way into his hair, gripping his soft curls as you let your nails lightly scratch his scalp.

When his mouth finally enclosed around your nipple, you nearly fell apart. His teeth nipped at the sensitive skin, biting down slightly causing you to jolt from the sensation.

“Fuck.” You gasped.

He hummed in response, bringing his other hand around the swell of your untouched breast. Toying with your nipple between his thumb and forefinger while his mouth continued to expertly worked the other. It was a delicious combination, the way his mouth and fingers played you like a violin. You found yourself grasping his hair tighter, yanking him up suddenly before pressing a chaste kiss to his lips drinking in his low chuckle that rumbled from deep within his chest.

“I wasn’t done with ya yet. You’re a needy little thing, huh?”

“Shut up, Joel.” You mumbled against his lips and in one swift movement, he had turned the tables, flipping you gently so you were underneath him now. Your back hit the couch with a soft thud before his lips were on yours once more. Your fingers frantically began to undo the buttons of his flannel. He broke the kiss only to help you out with the last few before you were pushing the fabric down his broad shoulders and biceps. It was soon discarded with your shirt on the floor. Your lips met once more, desperation seeping through both of you.

“I’m gonna take care of ya, okay honey? Will you let me do that, please?”

You were nearly clawing at his skin now, your nails lightly scraping his biceps.

“Please, Joel. Don’t make me beg you.”

He nipped at your lip once more, tugging it out with his teeth before he released it.

“Ain’t gonna go and put you through that kinda torture, sugar. Don’t you worry your pretty little head about that. I got you.” His forehead was lightly resting against yours now, his lips barely touching yours. He was the devil, you were certain of it. He watched your eyes intently then as he slowly dragged his hand down your torso, brushing against your navel. Your skin felt electrified from his touch then as his hand dipped lower, and lower.

“G’nna take these off now, okay honey?”

All you could do was nod, your breath was caught in your throat and he had barely touched you yet. You felt his hand grasp the waistband of your sweats then, slowly pulling them down over your hip and thighs and past your ankles. He was taking his sweet time with you, and it was driving you crazy. His hand came between your inner thighs then, coaxing them open, not that he even had to try. His fingers had slowly dipped down under your panties, toying with your slick folds as he spread them open.

“Wet for me already, hm? You're absolutely drippin for me baby.” His words were straight filth to your ears as you felt your back arch up towards him, lips parted open, a low moan slipping past them.

He toyed with your clit then, moving his fingers in expert slow circles, applying just enough pressure for you to mewl. His fingers were slick with your arousal then as he brought his middle finger down lower, circling your entrance as he slipped it into your warmth, slowly. His finger was knuckle deep as he curled it against the spongy spot of your walls. As your moans slipped out of your parted lips freely, he drank them in, kissing you once more as he slipped his forefinger in and slowly began to pump them in and out of you. Listening to the squelching sounds of your pussy clamping down around his thick digits.

You were a mess already as you kissed him, your lips struggling to keep up with his as he continued to ruin you with his fingers. His free hand had reached up to cup your face then, stroking your cheekbone with his thumb as he watched you slip into pleasure.

“Feels good, doesn’t it Sugar? You’re takin my fingers so well baby. You can hold on a little longer, can’t you honey?” He had used his thumb to circle your clit once more as he increased the pace of his fingers, curling them inside you once more.

You let out a strangled moan, your eyes rolling back into your skull.

“I-I can hold on a little longer baby, fuck.”

His lips curved up then from your response. He took note of how you called him baby and god, did he love it.

“That’s it. Good girl. You’re such a good girl for me honey.” He praised you then. One last curl of his fingers deep inside you, nearly had you on the edge. Before you could be seeing stars, he had slipped his fingers out. They were coated in your arousal and you watched with hooded eyes, in a daze as he slipped them past his lips, licking his fingers clean right before your very eyes. This man was the definition of Filth.

“You taste so fuckin sweet honey. G’nna have to get a proper taste of you later, okay? It’ll be my treat. You’ll love it, I promise.”

He was kissing you again, letting you have a taste of yourself against his lips. You wanted him even more now, if that was even possible. Skin on skin with him buried to the hilt inside of you. Your two bodies connected, that’s what you really wanted.

You were grasping for his belt then, undoing his buckle in a haste. He had grabbed your wrist gently then, ceasing your movements. “Joel, please. I need you, I need all of you.”

“You sure, sugar?” He wanted all of you too, more than ever now but this wouldn’t just be fucking, not like the first time. He knew this would mean a hell of a lot more to both of you.

You sat up then, grabbing his face in your hands gently, stroking your thumbs along the coarse stubble of his beard. Your chest was rising and falling at a quick rate as you were coming down from your near orgasm moments ago.

“Joel, baby. I’m more than sure. I’ve never been more fuckin sure of anything in my entire life.” Your confession knocked into him, your words stealing the air from his lungs.

“I’m yours.” He whispered, bringing his hands to rest along your cheeks then, using his thumb to brush a strand of loose hair behind your ear, his forehead resting against yours. You both were silent as the moment washed over. The realization, the excitement that bubbled between you. The chemistry was palpable, and electric. Suddenly, he was kissing you again, slow, deep, intimately. There was nothing but passion emitting from his lips. While his fingers gently pushed your panties down past your ankles, you worked his jeans down, giggling lightly in between kisses as he struggled to kick them off.

“Damn fuckin things. Always gettin in the fuckin way.” His Texas accent was thick now and when he finally kicked them damned things off, he wasted no time to rid himself of his boxers now as he settled between your thighs, his tip lightly pressing against your slick folds. He grabbed the back of your thighs then, gently yanking you down so you were beneath him. The movement caused the length of his cock to slide up between your slick folds.

You both let out a low hiss from the friction.

His lips hovered above yours as he grabbed the base of his cock, inhaling as he slowly sunk his tip past your folds, sinking into your deep warmth, his eyes flickering to where your bodies connected, watching as he disappeared inside of you completely. Your sweet moans intertwined with his low groans. He dipped his head down, capturing your lips between his as you brought your arms around his broad shoulders, pulling him in as close as physically possible as he thrust his hips slowly, at first. Your nails scraped at his skin then as he quickened his pace, giving one sharp thrust that knocked you back slightly. He detached his lips from yours so he could watch your face, see your mouth fall open, watch your breasts bounce with each sharp thrust.

“Fuck, honey. You feel so fuckin good. God, I'm gonna get drunk off you and this pretty little pussy. You’re killin me, Gwen.”

He grasped your thighs then, bringing them around his hips so he could fuck you at a deeper angle. You immediately caught on, digging the heels of your feet into his ass, bringing him in closer as he continued to fuck you. In his haste, he brought his thumb down between where your bodies were connected. He vigorously started to rub circles against your already sensitive clit, he wanted you to cum before he would even get the chance.

“Joel, i’m close baby, i’m so fuckin close.” You could taste the impending orgasm on your tongue as you moaned out his name.

“I know you are ‘darlin. Doin so good baby. You’re takin me so fuckin well. G’nna get you there alright?” He gruffly spoke, snapping his hips once more before his thrusts started to become uncoordinated and sloppy. He continued rubbing your clit, you were nearly seeing stars as a strangled sob of pleasure wrecked through your body.

“That’s it baby, that’s it. Cum for me honey. C’mon, let go. I’ve got ya, you’re safe.”

One final thrust, and flick of your sensitive bundle of nerves had you falling apart around him. Your thighs were shaking as he held himself at the hilt inside of you. He came undone as quickly as you had. You were chanting his name like a fucking oath and he cut you off with his lips, kissing you sloppily as he groaned out your name, mumbling into your lips about how good you were for him, how fuckin beautiful you were. He rested his sweaty forehead against your shoulder, his eyes were closed as he panted heavily. You brought your hand up into his sweat soaked hair, running your fingers through it as you cradled his head gently. He stayed buried inside of you, even after he had gone soft. Neither of you wanted to be separated from each other just yet.

Once both of your breathing was no longer jagged, and your heart rates turned to normal, Joel had turned his head to look at you, a lazy smile gracing his features. He looked drunk off sex, so did you.

“How was that darlin? Did I do alright?”

You couldn’t help but giggle then. It was such a sweet sound to his ears and he liked that you were holding him so close. Your comfort was appreciated 1000 times over.

“You silly fuckin man, you did more than alright. You were amazin.” You had a soft smile on your lips as well and he couldn’t help but lean in, kissing you sweetly before he pulled away and pecked your nose, causing you to giggle again.

“Mmm, good. Just needa ya to inflate my ego a bit, honey.”

You gave his shoulder a light slap and he chuckled from it.

“You, Joel Miller, can be an insufferable bastard when you wanna be.” Your tone was light and playful as you continued to lightly play with his hair.

“You’re right on the head with that one ‘darlin. You enjoy it though. I’ll keep doin it if it means I get to hear your laugh. You’re adorable.”

“Shut up, I'm still recovering and you’re gonna make me blush!”

“Good.” He spoke lowly with a smirk on his face before he had slowly slipped out of you. He gave you one last kiss before he reached for his boxers and slipped them on, handing you your panties.

“Hang tight, okay honey? Gonna get you a towel, glass of water and a fresh shirt, okay?”

You watched as he stood then, checking out the way his back muscles flexed. God, you were so fucking lucky.

“Goin all gentlemanly on me now, Miller?”

He looked back at you then, grin on his face as he nodded.

“Had to bring that southern charm out on ya eventually honey. You deserve it. Now, you just sit there and look pretty for me.” He winked then and you reached down grabbing his shirt from the floor and chucked it at him. He caught it, no problem. Bastard.

Joel returned to you minutes later, a fresh shirt in hand and a towel. He leaned down then gently wiping between your thighs. He was very attentive as he cleaned you up. You had never had a man take care of you like this before. Sure, you had your fair share of partners in the past, none were like your Joel. Nothing was ever going to compare to him. He had you sit up then as he slid the fresh shirt over your arms, stealing a kiss before he padded off to the kitchen. You couldn’t help but smile to yourself, bringing the collar of his shirt to your nose, it smelled of him. It smelled of home.

He handed you a glass of water then, before he sank down beside you, bringing his arm around you, leaning over and kissed your cheek sweetly as you took a sip of the water, settling against his warm, bare chest.

A comfortable silence washed over both you and Joel as you both recovered from your post-sex activities. A warmth had settled over you and couldn’t help but brush your fingers across his jaw lightly, taking in the way he smiled at you. It was a rare sight for Joel Miller to smile. He saved those moments for you. Tonight, he had given himself entirely to you. He was allowing himself the freedom to feel again. It was hard for him to even try and put into words how you made him feel. The one thing he did know, was that he was forever grateful that you stepped into his life. You brightened it in more ways than you’d ever know.

You had gotten the best sleep in your entire fucking life that night. All thanks to Joel Miller. your fellow, your guy.

Chapter 11 :

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bbgem329 · 1 year

Text

Things Are Never As They Seem… Chapter Seventeen

Pairings—Sebastian Stan x Actress!Reader, Sebastian Stan x OFC (PR relationship)

Summary

You and Sebastian Stan have been dating privately for over two years. Everything is perfect until he is coerced into a PR relationship when he signed with a new agency to advance his career. Trouble ensues…

Warnings

MINORS DNI! 18++. Language. PR relationship. HW sucks. Fluff. Angst. Implied smut. Cyber bullying.

Series Masterlist

—————

January 26, 2021

Ella spoke your name softly, pulling your attention away from the pile of laundry you were working through, “Are you sure you want to take some time off?” You’d almost forgotten you were on the phone with her for all of two minutes, tuning out her rambling about some role you had zero interest in. “It’s just… Well, you just got back into things after lockdown and I’d hate for you to miss opportunities…”

You loved her.

You really, really did.

But you were more than a little fed up with her constant pestering.

All week she’d been on your ass about finding the next project–taking the next steps, knowing damn well you had a movie coming out this spring and would start filming another in LA near the end of March, early April.

What more could you possibly do?

February was really your only month off and you wouldn’t catch a break again until the end of July, early August.

You were taking your damn vacation.

And Ella damn knew it too. She was more than just wasting her breath at this point.

“Ella.” You sighed, struggling to keep the frustration out of your voice. “I’m taking this vacation. We’ve talked about this a handful of times now.” You ran a hand down your face, rolling your bottom lip between your teeth, “Seb’s mom needs this. This isn’t about me getting time off, it’s about spending quality time with her. She’s been alone so much recently.” You paused, trying to remain mindful of your tone, “So please don’t ask me again.”

You really didn’t intend for it to come out as stern as it did and you winced slightly at the long silence that followed as soon as the words left your lips.

“No.” The resignation in her voice was obvious, “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

“Thank you.”

You weren’t really sure what else to say and it seemed like she didn’t either. You never really snapped at her like that before but then again she’d never repeatedly ignored your request before either. You made a mental note to check in with Casey and Blake to see what was going on with her. Nothing had changed between the two of you as far as you knew but her attitude towards you for the last week said otherwise.

Thankfully, your saving grace came in the form of your lover’s incoming facetime call.

“Ella.” You said softly, “I have to go, Sebastian’s on the other line and I don’t want to miss him. I’ll call you later?”

“Yeah.” She sounded a little too relieved, “You go ahead. Talk to you later.”

You didn’t waste another second, slamming your thumb down on the green ‘accept’ button. Moments later, Sebastian’s beaming face appeared on the screen.

“There she is.”

Almost four years together and this man still made you blush with just one look.

“Look at you.” He cooed, leaning closer as he rolled over onto his stomach in bed, propping the phone against a pillow. “You look gorgeous, baby.”

Your eyebrows furrowed, lips pressed in a line to hide your smile as you glanced down at the little nighty you were wearing. You looked like an absolute bum with the weird heatless curl thing you found online wrapped up in your hair, eyepatch things under your eyes, and a mighty patch on your chin.

“You are such a fibber, Sebastian Stan.” You tutted, shaking your head at him. You propped your phone against the laundry basket on your bed and stepped back from the camera to give a little spin.

He gasped, hooded eyes tracing down to ogle your bare legs, “Are you wearing panties under that?”

You rolled your eyes, fighting to suppress a smile. “You are absolutely insatiable, Stan.”

“Only for you, baby.” He chuckled, shooting you a little wink. “Only for you.”

You shot him a shy smile as you picked up a tank top and folded it before placing it neatly in your suitcase. “I’m not.” You admitted quietly, “Wearing panties.”

“I knew it.”

You couldn’t hold back the laugh burst from your lips, “You did not.”

“God, I needed to hear your laugh.”

If you thought you were blushing hard before, you were sure you were red as a tomato now.

“I miss you so much, sweetheart.” He sighed softly, eyes locked on yours through the camera and in that moment you wished you were looking at them in real time, not through a screen.

No camera could ever bring justice to those cerulean eyes.

“I miss you more, Seb. “ You frowned a little, “I wish you could come with us tomorrow.”

He breathed out a drawn out sigh, “Me too. You know I would if I could.”

Twenty three days since you’ve been without him.

You wish you could say it got easier with time, having him away, but it didn’t. It wasn’t like this is the longest you’d spent away from him either. But for obvious reasons, it was harder to let him go this time. You were finally in a good place, you spent the holidays in complete bliss–just you and him in your own little world,then reality set back in and it was time to go to work again.

Things were going good between the two of you.

Better than good, even.

But part of you couldn’t help but wonder if that was because he was trapped up in his own little world on set in Canada and Catalina was all the way back home in Spain.

Life was easier when she wasn’t around and you weren’t the slightest bit ready for her inevitable return to the states when Sebastian finished filming ‘Fresh’ and returned to LA with you.

You knew the second she caught wind that he was back, she would hop her desperate ass on a plane first thing. And then you’d finally be forced to meet her.

God, you didn’t even want to think about what that would be like. All you knew, was that she definitely wasn’t going to like you. There was absolutely no way you were going to put up with her shi-

Sebastian called your name, pulling you from your thoughts.

“Sorry.” You shook your head, shaking yourself from those thoughts.

There was no need to get ahead of yourself. It was still January, that was a few months away yet.

“Where did you go?” He looked a little concerned, it was honestly a little cute with his brows all furrowed and his bottom lip plumped out in a small pout. “You okay?”

You laughed a little to yourself, picking up your phone before plopping on the edge of the bed, “I’m sorry. I was getting ahead of myself.” You shook your head, shoulders sagging a little, “I was just thinking about when I’m going to see you next–which is around my birthday,” You waved your hand lazily in front of you, “If everything works out of course. And it just reminded me that I’m going to have to meet Catalina and deal with her and yeah.”

His expression fell a little and you felt bad for bringing it up. But you were trying to be better about communicating your thoughts and feelings so you knew it was the right thing to do.

“I kinda forgot about her.” He tried to cover his initial reaction with a small laugh but you didn’t miss the way his eyes dimmed a little. “I actually got a call from Blake today. I almost forgot to tell you.” He shrugged, chuckling to himself, “I guess she had a little solo pap walk today and in every picture she is holding her phone out in front of her, flashing her lockscreen. You couldn’t see it clearly but it was obviously one of the pictures we took in Ibiza.” He shook his head, running a hand down his face, “We took so much footage that day.”

You don’t even try to hide your grimace, nose scrunching in disgust and teeth bared, “She’s kinda pathetic isn’t she?”

“She’s embarrassing me.”

“I’m sorry for bringing her up.” You frowned, tilting your head a little as you took him in, “I was just on the phone with Ella and she’s been up my ass about taking on another project instead of going on vacation and it got me thinking about the next couple months.” You glanced away from the camera, eyes trailing over your half packed suitcase, “After this, I’ll be booked until early August–just in time for your birthday, I guess.”

“It’s alright, honey.” Sebastian shook his head, his brows pulled down and his lips pressed together as his eyes wandered over your face, “You never have to be sorry for that. We can talk about these things–we should.” He paused, dipping closer to the camera, “You can talk to me about anything–everything. We are doing so good about being open and communicating. We are in a really good spot and I don’t want to lose that because you are holding things in for my sake.”

You nodded, “You’re right.”

You bit your lip to hide a smirk, “I don’t think she’ll like me much.”

“Well,” Sebastian’s nose scrunched cutely, that half smirk that always makes your heart race split across his face, “She doesn’t like me either… But she does like the attention my name brings her so…” He gave a little shrug, “She’ll either try to mooch off you or-”

“Nah.” You interject with a short laugh, “She thinks I’m the one thing standing between her and having you completely. She’s going to make my life a living hell. I’m sure of it.”

“Don’t say that.” He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, “I won’t let her fuck with you, baby. That’s not going to happen.”

“Sebastian.” You huffed lightly, keeping your tone soft, “You and I both know you only have so much control here now. There is only so much we can do. She runs the show now and as long as she doesn’t break contract, no one is going to stop her.”

He mumbled your name, voice full of sorrow.

“It’s fine, love.” You forced a smile, one you knew he most definitely saw right through. “Seriously, it’ll all work out. Besides, what’s the worst she can do? As long as we got each other, we will be fine.”

He didn’t look fully convinced but let it go, for your sake you were sure.

“And I don’t want to talk about this anymore. I have an early flight tomorrow and would rather hear all about your day.” You shoved your suitcase over, and plopped over on your belly, “How’s my girl, Daisy?”

“Oh my God.” Your lover groaned, “You talked to her twice and now you love her more than me! This is absolutely unacceptable.”

“She’s so cute though.” You pouted, “I want to adopt her as our daughter.”

“She’s twenty three, babe!”

“So?”

—————

January 29, 2021

“Everything okay, dragă?”

You glanced up from your phone to meet Georgeta’s concerned gaze.

Your brows furrowed as you took in the messages lighting up your screen, “Yeah, just..” You shifted in your seat, shoving your phone back in your clutch. Hoping once it was out of your sight, it would be out of your mind. “I’ve been getting really weird messages and comments over the past couple days on all social media platforms.” You took a quick sip of water to clear your throat when your voice cracked, “I think it’s the same couple accounts just bombarding me but,” You trail off, shaking your head, “They are kind of nasty messages.”

That definitely didn’t ease her concern and you kinda felt bad for bringing it up but honestly it had been eating at you over the past few days and you really needed to get it off your chest.

It wasn’t unusual for you to get a gross comment here or there but since arriving at the resort down here in Mexico, it was like someone had opened the floodgates and your inbox and notifications were drowning with messages, comments, and tags. All of them shitting on your acting, your body, your clothes, your hair–everything and anything they could think of.

They were picking you apart.

And you didn’t know why.

It wasn’t like you had done anything recently. You hadn’t posted since before Christmas, and the last pap walk you did was with cast mates back on set in early december. It was quiet for you as of lately press wise, so you don’t understand what could’ve brought this unwarranted attention on.

You had planned to post a little of your trip, maybe a nice sunset picture or something to show your fans you were, in fact, alive but now you weren’t so sure it was a good idea. It wasn’t worth it to subject yourself to more hate.

Georgeta called your name softly, “What are they saying?”

You shrugged a little, brushing it off, “It doesn’t matter. I just don’t understand why this is happening all of a sudden.”

“It does matter though.” She frowned, reaching across the table to place her hand over yours, rubbing softly across your knuckles with her thumb, “It’s clearly bothering you. I can see it all over your face whenever you look at your phone.”

Just like her son, Georgeta had a talent for reading you. You could never ever get anything past the two of them.

You breathed out a soft sigh, eyes trailing the room around you as you leaned over the table, closer to her, “They’ve been messaging me, saying things like ‘Kill yourself’, ‘He doesn’t love you’ I’m not sure who they mean, not a single soul knows about Seb and I outside people we trust or have signed an NDA.” You shake your head, reaching to grab your half filled wine glass before taking a hefty sip. “A lot of shit about my body, my hair, my clothes. ‘She’s a terrible actress’, ‘She has nothing going for her’, ‘She’s ugly’. Every insult that you can think of, they’ve said it.”

“Miere.” The tone of her voice was nearly enough to make you cry, and the expression on her face didn’t help either. “That is awful. I am so sorry.” She reached for your hand again, taking your right between her own and bringing it to her lips to press a kiss to your knuckles, “They don’t deserve you or your attention. You are so much better than that.”

You blinked back the tell tale burn behind your eyes and tried with everything inside you to plaster on even the smallest of smiles. You’re sure it came across as more of a pained grimace than anything.

“Does my son know?”

“No.” You shook your head, “I didn’t want to distract him and really, it’s not like he can do anything to stop it.” You shrugged half heartedly, giving her hand a gentle squeeze, “There’s nothing any of us can do. I don’t know why I’m letting it get to me. I should just turn off my notifications and log out of social media for a while.”

“No.” Georgeta nearly shouted and her eyes widened as she looked around to make sure she hadn’t bothered anyone else in the restaurant. “You shouldn’t let them control you–Don’t let them win. They do not dictate your life. So you know what…” She stopped the waiter on his way by, “Can we get the check? And a bottle of red to go?”

“Of course.” The nice young man replied, “It’ll just be a moment.”

“Georgeta!” You giggled, “Don’t you want dessert?”

“No.” She smirked, “We are taking the bottle of wine down to the beach and we’re going to drink the entire thing down by the water and then I’m going to take picture of you dancing in the waves and then,” She scrunched her nose at you, waving her fingers in your direction, “You’re going to post a few.”

Your heart wanted to burst out of your chest right then and there. Georgeta was, hands down, the best woman you’ve ever met in your entire life and she never failed to amaze you.

“Are you serious, right now? Isn’t it dark out?” Your brows furrowed and you leaned forward to whisper the last bit. “Is it even legal to bring the wine down there?”

She rolled her eyes at you, an expression you could only describe as a ‘what-the-actual-fuck’ on her face, “We literally drank margaritas on the beach earlier. This restaurant belongs to the resort, of course we can bring the fucking wine.”

“Oh my God.” Your laugh was loud, so loud it drew eyes to your table, “Did you just say ‘fuck’? Georgeta!!” You shook your head, eyes wide, “I cannot believe you just said that.”

“Oh, fuck off.”

Your eyes widened even further, and you slapped a hand over your mouth to muffle your laugh, “What the– Do…Do you kiss you-your son with that mouth?”

For a second she looked a little bashful, her cheeks all rosy and her smile shy. She let out a little giggle, fingers pressed to her lips as she looked at you with wide, pretty eyes, “I think I’m a little drunk.”

“I was going to say,” You chuckled, “How much have you had to drink? Did you take a couple shots while getting ready for dinner?”

“Maybe.” She drew out her answer with a little giggle, giving her shoulders a small shrug.

Your eyes widened again, “Are you serious?” You laughed to yourself, in complete and utter shock. “I was kidding but you were serious! Who are you and what have you done with my boyfriend’s mama?”

Taking Georgeta on vacation had shown you a completely different side of her. You always got on well before, you enjoyed the same things and brought something to the table that each of you lacked in other relationships–you as the daughter she never had and she as the mother figure you always lacked.

You were used to the put together, sweet, never-swore-a-day-in-her-life-and-only-had-one-glass-of-wine Georgeta. Not once had you expected to ever meet party-animal Georgeta.

And you were so here for it.

“Oh, miere, I’m having such a wonderful time with you.” She cooed, finishing her wine glass off before rising from the table. She tossed a debit card towards you, “I have to use the ladys room before we go to the beach,” She pointed at you, shooting you a stern look, “Use that card to pay for dinner. I’ll know if you don’t.”

You laughed, “Sure. Hurry though, there is more fun to be had.”

You watched her go, not missing the way she pulled her phone from her own clutch before she disappeared down the hall. You had no doubt she was calling Sebastian to tell him about what was going on. He was probably trying to get a hold of you both if the two missed phone calls you found waiting for you when you drew your own phone out of your clutch while waiting for the waiter to return with your bill and wine.

You should’ve told him about what was going down–the hate you were receiving. Thinking about it now, you admit it was wrong, especially after talking about communicating more and expressing your feelings. You honestly hadn’t thought it was a big deal and part of you was hoping that it would just blow over in a couple days. And you hadn’t told Georgeta not to say anything to him either so there was no doubt he was hearing about it at this very moment. She clearly had no filter when she had one too many glasses of wine.

That was fine, you could explain it to him later.

He wouldn’t necessarily be mad, he’d be upset for you if anything.

And maybe he’d have a better idea about it than you. Especially the comments about this undisclosed ‘he’ these accounts were messaging you about.

Could it be about him?

It’s possible but unless it was someone close to you targeting you that didn’t make sense. You meant it when you said no one outside of who you wanted to know, knew about your relationship. You had always been careful about sharing that piece of information and being mindful when in public, even more so with this fauxmance in full swing.

Maybe you were overthinking it, it was probably just some fan pissed off that you worked with their favorite. You just wrapped filming with Rege, you work with Henry regularly, and your next project that was announced in early December was with Pedro Pascal. They were all known heartthrobs, and naturally they all had jealous fangirls.

Either way, you would put it out of your mind for the night–heck, maybe even the rest of this vacation and actually enjoy yourself.

—————

“Are you sure you’re good?”

Not in a million years did you ever think you’d be tucking your boyfriend’s drunk mother in for bed, yet here you were.

Georgeta giggled loudly, directly into your ear, “I’m great, meire. Oh, I love you.” She wrapped her arms around your neck, yanking you down before pressing a handful of kisses across your cheeks and forehead, “Love you so much, Fiica mea.”

Fiica mea

You hadn’t heard that one before. You made a mental note to ask Sebastian.

You laughed, using the last of your strength to untangle yourself from her after placing a kiss of your own against her forehead, “Love you too. Sleep good.”

She mumbled sleepily, eyes already closed and mouth hanging open as she snoozed comfortably in her bed. She was still dressed in the sundress she’d worn to dinner and hopefully she wasn’t too bothered that you left her to sleep in her makeup. There was no way you were going to even attempt that. Not when it took you every last bit of energy to get her up from the beach.

You were pretty drunk yourself, stumbling steps with heavy limbs as you made your way through the day space of your suite and into your own room. You snatched your phone out of your clutch and stumbled into the bathroom, shivering at the cool air nipping at your wet skin.

You’d done the photoshoot.

And you’d had the time of your absolute life running through the waves in your white, long summer dress. It was just the two of you down there and you’d gone a little buckwild. There are over a hundred photos to attest to that.

You had never felt sexier than in that moment and looking at the pictures after, you looked sexy too.

Who knew Georgita had a talent for photography?

And after tonight, she would be accompanying you to every photoshoot for the rest of your life because she was the best hypewoman you’d ever had.

You leaned forward against the counter, elbows pressed to the cool granite as you swiped through your phone. You smiled to yourself when you found Sebastian’s contact and hit call. Not even a second later and his smiling face appeared on the screen.

“Hi.” You beamed.

“Hey, baby.” He chuckled, eyes squinting a little as he took you in, “Are you wet? Are you drunk?”

You giggled a little, “Yes,” You paused, rubbing your fingers against your chin, “ And maybe.”

“Yeah, my mom sounded like it on the phone.” He shook his head, smile growing across his lips, “And I saw your instagram post, baby,” He groaned, head lolling back against the headboard, “You looked so fucking good. It’s not fair how gorgeous you are.”

“Are you sure?” You grimaced, crossing your arms over your chest in hopes to stop your shivering, “It’s not too much?”

“No baby, not at all.” And you could tell he meant it, even with the buzz in your head. “You look absolutely gorgeous, the wet dress stuck to your body–showing off your curves but not revealing too much. You look..” He waved his hands, “You look so happy and carefree. I wanted to jump into the picture and join you.”

“I love you.” Your bottom lip jutted out on a little pout, “You always know what to say and it’s never just ‘you look good’ you always give reasoning and point out what it looks good…” You pause, “Am I even making sense?” You shrug, “Your mom is a bad influence and forced me to drink two bottles of wine with her.”

He belted out a loud laugh, the sound warming you to your core, “First of all, baby, you’re shivering please take off the wet dress and either get in the shower or put your robe on. We can still talk, just do something, I hate seeing you like that when I can’t hold you or help.”

You smiled to yourself as you moved to flick the shower on and began unwrapping yourself from the dress after you propped your phone up on the counter.

“Second of all, thank you again for doing this. She needed this so bad.” He smiled to himself, rubbing the back of his neck, “She keeps sending me pictures and telling me all about how much she loves you and how much fun she is having. I appreciate you so much, sweetheart.”

“You don’t need to thank me, baby.” You smile brightly at him through the camera, ignoring the way he discreetly ogles you as you let the dress fall to the floor, leaving you completely bare and exposed. “You know I love spending time with her and that I love her as if she were my own.” You close the distance, picking up your phone before stepping into the shower. “I hope you know that, from here on out, she’ll be accompanying me to every photoshoot. She’s the best hypewoman ever.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah.” You let loose a little laugh as you set the phone up on a shelf, making sure it was out of the water before dipping under the stream to get your hair wet. “I’ll send you all the pictures. I got some of her too. You’re gonna love them.”

He hummed in agreement, the sound coming from deep in his chest and sending shivers down your spine, “Of course I will. My two favorite girls–the ones I love the most in this world. I can’t wait to see them, baby.”

You paused your shampooing to give him a pout, “I miss you so much.”

“I miss you more, gorgeous.” He shot you a sad smile, “I would give anything to be with you right now, in that shower.”

You spun around, pointing a finger at him, “Are you trying to get dirty with me, Sebastian Stan?”

The laugh he let out lit you up from inside out, “No.” He tossed his hands up in a defensive stance, “Of course not. Why would I want to get dirty with my sexy, wet girlfriend while she’s showering right in front of me?” He playfully rolled his eyes, “That’s just insane!”

You giggled, “Well,”

“Are you..?”

You shrugged a little, hands trailing teasingly over your breast.

“Fuck.”

Tonight you’d indulge with him and tomorrow you could talk.

Clearly Georgeta hadn’t told him about the hate and it’s definitely something that could be dealt with later.

You were on vacation and all else could wait.

—————

Tag list

@justlovelifeblog @inlovewith3 @buckybarnesandmarvel @sleutherclaw @snugglingbucky @perlaluna @littlewhiterose

@idontwannagomrstarkk @abihaaa14 @eclecticpatrolroadlawyer @sebsgirl71479 @getofffmydick @eccentricnos @barnesml

#sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan #sebastian stan fanfic #seb stan x reader #sebastian stan x female reader #sebastian stan x you #sebastian stan x actress!reader

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bettsfic · 1 year

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2023 WIP cleanout

a couple years ago i did a major WIP cleanout and it was very satisfying, and i've been bummed out lately so i'm doing it again to cheer myself up.

i have about 200k worth of unposted/unfinished fic, and i'd like to make a decent dent in that. when i listed out my WIPs i was surprised to find that most of them i'd written past the 50% mark and for whatever reason, the fic went an unanticipated direction. instead of fixing it, i moved on. the problem is that usually the unanticipated direction is something cool and that i want to pursue, but would make the fic longer and more complicated than i want it to be, and more work than i want to put into it. once i get enough distance from a fic, it's a lot easier to see how to get it back on track.

there are many things i set down and never think about again, but if it sticks in my head for longer than a couple months, then i know i need to come back to it eventually.

so this is my accountability thread! and i'm going to lay out the steps i took to triage these fics and get them posted, in case it helps anyone struggling with the same problem.

here are the things on my WIP cleanout list:

(Organic Chemistry isn't on this list because i'm actively working on it, albeit slowly)

Wind of the New World

Annie/Finnick, The Hunger Games (ASE epilogue)

started August 2020

this one is what inspired the cleanout, and as of yesterday it is DONE and POSTED. for the longest time it sat at about 7k when i knew it would be 10k, and i couldn't make myself write the last 3k because somehow it turned into a threesome fic with Gale and it took me a loooong time to let go of that idea. also, it required a lot of canon knowledge, which faded the longer i kept it on the backburner.

to finish it, i:

killed a few darlings (Finnick's crush on Gale)

down drafted the scenes i hadn't yet written

reread ASE while taking notes

rewatched Mockingjay 2 while taking notes

transcribed several scenes of Mockingjay 2

made a punch list of things i wanted to fix/rearrange/expand on

up drafted, dental drafted, and posted

completing it took about 15 hours across 3 days.

Stray

Lumine/Razor, Genshin Impact

started April 2021

this is an alternate beginning to genshin where the traveler finds Razor instead of Paimon. it stalled out at 5k because i wanted it to be rated M and i also wanted the characters to get all the way to Liyue, but both of those things were far more work than i wanted to put into it. so now it'll be rated G and end when they reach Mondstadt. i don't anticipate it will be more than 7k.

Before the Suns Rise

Anakin/Padme/Obi-Wan, Star Wars

started June 2022

this one is nearly 45k and about 95% done. i set it down because 1) i got to the threesome part and writing threesomes is hard, 2) i hadn't watched the Clone Wars or Rebels yet and so i was self-conscious about my knowledge of canon, and 3) i got distracted by Lemon.

another thing that a lot of these WIPs have in common is that they're very closely tied to canon and therefore have Plot and even though i can do Plot, i find it exhausting and a little tedious.

this is a post-Vader, alt-OWK timeline fic. in the 20+ star wars fics i've written, only 5 of them are in any way related to canon, and they're all one-shots. so this one is going to be hard.

i anticipate it'll only take 5k to finish, for a total of 50k and 14 chapters.

Patronage

Seungho/Nakyum, Painter of the Night

started October 2021

this is my Patreon AU that's over 10k already. in it, Seungho is married to Jihwa (and cheating on him with Nakyum) and i wanted to write the whole thing through to their divorce (and Seungho Getting A Real Job), but that is just. a lot. so i'm going to write only to Seungho finally giving in to his feelings for Nakyum, with the knowledge that after season 4 is finished, i may want to continue it as a series and write the latter half as i'd intended.

i'll probably only add 1-2k, for a total of 12k.

In Water Falling

Ahsoka/Rex, Star Wars

started November 2022

this was the first rexsoka fic i started working on when i finished Clone Wars. i got about 10k in, scrapped it, wrote another 15k, scrapped it, and then started focusing on Organic Chemistry. also, i just got very frustrated with it. to fix this one, i think i need to lower my expectations of it, rearrange some plot points, and write the final 2-3 scenes.

maybe 3-4k more? hopefully it'll cap out under 20k.

There & Here

Chishiya/OFC, Alice in Borderland

started February 2023

in my defense, i set this one down, like. a week ago. there's nothing i'm stalled out on; i just have to finish it.

currently 25k, hopefully only 5k more, capping out under 30k. it's 4 chapters.

things i intend to finish later:

Good Bones - this is my Emergency Fic that i'm saving for when i'm too blocked to write anything else

Bomb Time - this is a BOSAS fix-it. i definitely want to finish it, but i'm going to wait until the film comes out in November, so i don't have to reread the book to remember what's going on

#writing update #2023 wip cleanout

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barzzal · 2 months

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Be warned this is gonna be long i apologize in advance, but this is all just me giving a massive kudos to you and your work. I’m so happy to see this updated thank you for your hard work and talented writing.

*inhales*

*exhales*

After reading interlude ii for CMC and as usual I loved it to bits but also I AM SUDDENLY CONFLICTED? With BOTH SIDES????? The whole time I was like “Yeah Sidney take the fucking L” but now that we have the full detailed story of how it led up to that moment, suddenly the situation is so much more complicated. HE ACTUALLY WAS READY AT THE LAST MOMENT OH GOD HE WAS GOING TO DO ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING TO MAKE IT UP TO HER AND THE BABY HE WAS READY TO BE A PARTNER AND DAD-

And now my head is in my hands as I think: ‘Oh my god. Reader didn’t give him a chance to be a dad to Lucas for NEARLY SEVEN YEARS (even though she was justifiably pissed at him) AND HE THOUGHT HIS BABY WAS GONE’

And, please hear me out. The pregnancy and the actual birth of the baby are two different parts of the process. It’s different for everyone, but sometimes it takes a few weeks or months for the parents to feel a connection with their baby once they’re born; It’s actually quite common among parents. Same goes for the pregnancy term. It’s fucking scary, raising a child; You’re not just living your life for yourself, you’re living your life for the best interest of your child. And while there’s absolutely no excuse for Sid and his emotional distance/neglect (believe me when I say I still want to sock him in the face for his initial reaction), it does bring perspective at to why he reacted that way. Correct me if I’m wrong, but he was scared that his commitment to his career would end up hurting his kid, not being able to be there for them. Of course, dumbass man sucked at communicating that to Reader properly huh

But he did come back. He did return. He was ready to begin repenting. Lucas wasn’t even born yet and he was ready to do right by him and Reader both.

Suddenly I am now in full panic mode because once Lucas gets older enough to question why did his mom keep him away from his dad if both parents loved and wanted him from the start. And I know reader said in previous chapters that everything she did was for her son and his happiness and safety which is an absolute HELL YES THAT’S WHAT BEING A PARENT IS ABOUT, but did she ever consider the possibility that keeping them both hidden away from Sid would potentially hurt all of them more than it would help? Lucas never got to meet the other side of the family; Troy and Trina never got to be grandparents, Taylor never got to be an aunt. They weren’t able to see Lucas grow up, and I just know they would’ve loved him the moment they were told of his existence.

Am I allowed to feel angry at both Sid and Reader? I am so sorry I… just love this story so much, I’ve never felt so many emotions reading before. Please correct me if I’m wrong in any way.

first of all, ily oh gosh. i never expect a comment this long from anyone but omg thank you!! i appreciate you taking the time to lmk which part/s u like/impacted u most 🥺 not lying when i say i was smiling as i read it entirely it’s truly fulfilling to come across a reader as passionate as u so endless thanks my dear 🫶🏻

second, ALL FEELINGS ARE VALID! i honestly can’t wait for them to be happy why can’t they just sit together and talk things out it’s not that hard 😭 had enough of little lukey having to bear poor adult choices!!

to clarify tho, since i’ve been mia on here and on the updates, the series was supposed to be done in 2022 😫 so our timeline for cmc would be that it’s still 2021 going 2022 (refer to teaser #3).

for everyone to be on the same page, allow me to recapitulate:

april 2015

refer to teaser #1

sidney is 27 yrs. turning 28 yrs. in aug

reader is 26 yrs.

first month of summer, 2015

june: reader finds out she’s pregnant

july: miscarriage scare; sid and reader break up before kris’ wedding

post breakup, 2015-2016

sidney wins the cup, oct 2015 to june 2016

post breakup, 2016

january: luke is born on 6th of january (kind of like his dad’s bday 8.7.87 = 1.6.16)

post breakup, 2016-2017

sidney wins another cup, oct 2016 to april 2017

post breakup, 2019

reader moves back to pittsburgh; hides sid’s son

post break up, 2021 [we’ll go back to this timeline on ch. 6]

sidney is 33 yrs. going 34 yrs. (refer to teaser #2)

reader is 31 going 32

luke is 5 yrs. a few months older than geno’s son, nikita

minimum age requirement for sid’s little penguins hockey is 5 yrs.

luke enters hockey program, meets sidney; sidney meets luke and reader

timeline for ch. 6 until stated otherwise

ANYWAY, i’m so excited we’re now on the second half of the series!!! ✨and the plot thickens✨

#lmk if u guys have suggestions and whatnot!#keep the cmc talk coming 🤍🤍🤍#cmc

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jmdbjk · 2 years

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Artemis and Apollo

I was working on a post about my thoughts on the relationships between Jimin, Jungkook and Tae before the Tailor of Chaos made his appearance and wrecked my brain. I had a lot written and was trying to edit it down so it wouldn’t be a several-chapter-long study about each of those three’s personalities and why I think they do what they do. I’ll get back to it later maybe.

So I am putting that aside in order to delve into these concepts of Jimin’s. I have to admit, it is intimidating how he comes up with these ideas. I have a lot of thoughts about all this and I am trying to put some order to it but the key word in all of it truly is chaos. The more I see, the more I am in awe and the more confused I am trying to reconcile all the various versions of Jimin.

I am thinking about all the years we had cutie sexy lovely Jimin and Mochi and Chimmie. I am wondering in his WeLive last week when he mentioned that he did some self-reflecting on why he cut his hair short in April (if that translation is indeed accurate and that IS what he meant) if he cut his hair because it was a way to hang on to “youth” one last time?

And then he drops these heavy ideas on us about id and ego... the inner tug of war between primitive impulses and morality and the rational and controlling mediator that supposedly prevents either from overpowering the other. A inner turmoil of push and pull...

His choice of white: purity, morality .... and black: pleasure, sensuality

And the images of the cracked statues put back together and sealed with gold. Imperfections that have now turned into something beautiful and precious holding it all together.

Posing with mannequins... living breathing Jimin and some plastic representation... the comparison between real Jimin and idol Jimin?

I mentioned in a post or two ago that I wondered if the Tailor of Chaos concept is what summoned the Black Swan stage outfits with the lack of shirts and the body chains and yes, it was all being created in about the same timeframe. These photos were planned at the end of last year. The teaser video opens with Jimin wearing the same LV hoodie he was wearing for this VLive back on October 20, 2021. ABOUT A YEAR AGO!

The temporary tattoos: the words tailor of chaos and Artemis and when I flipped the image I see the word Filter. We are seeing Jimin revisiting Filter. Who is Artemis? In Greek mythology, Artemis is goddess of the hunt, the wilderness, wild animals, nature, vegetation, childbirth, care of children, and chastity. Artemis is also associated with the moon. In the myth of Actaeon, when this young hunter sees her bathing naked, he is transformed into a deer by the angered goddess, and is then devoured by his own hunting dogs who do not recognize their own master. THAT is truly conceptual...and is then devoured by his own dogs that don’t recognize their own master.... all kinds of imagery there that can be compared to life as an idol and especially as a member of BTS. Their own industry (dogs) devour them because they don’t recognize them as the one (master) who is bringing them more success than ever...

Artemis has a twin brother named Apollo. Apollo is the god of music and dance, truth and prophecy, healing and diseases, and is associated with the Sun and light, poetry, and more!!!!!!!

Other aspects of Artemis: In spite of her status as a virgin who avoided potential lovers, there are multiple references to Artemis' beauty and eroticism.

The stag imagery:

Artemis with her hunting bow drawn and birds and stars:

Jimin says “the original” Jimin... Is he speaking about the evolution of his idol persona? or the real Jimin? because idol Jimin began as manly man Jimin and then idol Jimin became softer and softer and then androgyny (Artemis is female) really entered the chat at some point and has been intermingling with cute bread cheeks Jimin, roundy boba head Jimin, chapter 2 Jimin, etc. Pick your damn Filter.

Has Jimin been toying with this Artemis concept for a long time now? Maybe we will find out when we see more about his photo folio.

I am more or less rambling and I really am not well versed on Greek mythology except for what I have researched to talk about this. But I do understand the concepts of psychology that he’s tossing around in these images and I do love how he exposes some of his own personal psyche in his presentation of himself. I flipped these photos around that he was looking at on the table:

Jungkook remarked that he thought out of all the members’ photo folio concepts, his vampire concept was really way out there, but my baby, Jimin’s concept is so out there, it will soar over the intelligence and maturity level of so many and just be pretty pictures to them. Jimin is CHALLENGING OUR INTELLECT with these images and that is a very very unique and sexy concept coming from him.

#park jimin #jimins photo folio #artemis and apollo #sun and moon duo

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singular-yike · 6 months

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Getting into Len'en Lore: Part 3

This'll be the end!

★ Spinoff Game: Book of the Cafe

Curious title screen, isn't it? You can't even see the game logo yet! JynX said that it'd be revealed one day, but until then, here's the 5th released game in the series, though officially it's the 0th game.

This is Len'en Cafe ~ Book of the Cafe (abbr. BotC), and is the mobile social network game that JynX is actively working on at the moment.

Story Reading Order

The game's story is separated into three sections, the Main Story, Sub-stories and Back Issue stories. There's no particular order between these three, so I'll only list the order within each of them:

Main Story

Opening

Tutorial

Chapter 1

Back Issue Revisit past games' stories, learning new information about them!

EE — Yabusame Houlen's Route

EE — Tsubakura Enraku's Route

Sub-stories None exist yet.

Additional Reading

There's a lot of non-plot, and even non-lore related text in this game, here I'll list the pages that have major flavour texts and such. Though feel free to explore the BotC pages to learn more.

Compared to the other 4 games, these aren't nearly as crucial, and are more just fun reads. maybe with the exception of the 1st item.

Skill Names and Flavour Text

Music and Music Comments — Trioid Toykeat — Len'en Cafe ~ Re:Boot — Trioid Toykeat (ONAIR-version) — Mnemonic => Extraction — Infinite Zero-Point Ego Eris

Cafe design item descriptions

In-game Notices (α Version, β Version & Full Version)

Memory Archives stage descriptions

Items Descriptions

Other Important Reading, Videos and Characters

And that concludes all the reading you would need to do for all the series' main entries. Now for other important reading to supplement the main series entries:

Video: Critical Point Bidding its Last Farewell

Critical Point Bidding its Last Farewell, full title Fumbling Dimensional Tour ~ Breaker and Pursuer /* B-P-B */ Protection against Breach ~ Request Colorful Dreams, Detest Empty Illusions (yes it's that long), is a music video uploaded onto Niconico back before Len'en was even released.

It was unclear if and how it related to Len'en, but with the release of AWTIF, it became clear that the characters depicted in the video are the main characters of the albums.

Additionally, it introduces the "Wings of Magritte", an interdimensional transcending limited express train that gets a brief mention in BPoHC.

As for reading, I can't really introduce much of an original source for it, but its page on the wiki and the Wings of Magritte's page is recommended.

Reading: Interviews with JynX

There has been 3 interviews with JynX so far, all overflowing with lore, of course. A 4th one is currently in the works too, so look forward to that!

2015 Interview

2017 Interview

2021 Interview

Not much else to say about this one, just go check them out!

Reading: Peing

Peing is a Q&A social media platform where fans could've sent JynX questions back in 2019. JynX has since abandoned its use, in fear that it'd make information too scattered, but what was answered has been documented.

April Questions

February Questions

Videos: YouTube Videos

Above: Thumbnail of the second video featuring the androids, depicting Rei.

JynX also has a YouTube channel, run by the "Vtuber androids" Rei and Zelo (and Lin too), more on these three later.

The channel has official soundtrack uploads, videos about the androids and videos where the androids announce Len'en-related news. They'd mostly be to get a grasp on the android's personalities, I'd say, though there are lore scraps in there as well.

They're all translated up on the wiki, so go check them out here.

Characters: Monochroids (Rei, Zelo and Lin)

Above: From right to left, Rei, Zelo and Lin, all in their chibi yukkuri forms.

Specifically speaking, these androids are actually called monochroids. Despite them mainly having appeared in videos and on Twitter only, there's a surprisingly amount of lore to them, especially on Rei.

It's a much deeper rabbit hole than one'd imagine, so go check it out!

Reading Materials

Wiki page on the Monochroids

Wiki pages for Rei, Zelo and Lin

Other Minor Sources of Information

Once all that's exhausted, you should already be quite the lore master, I would wager. Though if you really want to go the extra mile, here's just a bit more for you to chew into.

Art: Illustrations by JynX

Above: The first explicitly Len'en-related illustration JynX ever made, released even before the character's own appearance in-game.

JynX occasionally does illustrations for various occasions, be it seasonal events or the Len'en anniversary. They sometimes come with little comments, which you can read here.

Events: Len'en Anniversary

Above: The 2nd anniversary's celebratory art, which, while not canon at all, comes with a few pieces of dialogue.

The Len'en series celebrates its anniversary on 11th November, not the day the games became available to the public, but the day JynX finished work on the first two Len'en games.

Often, JynX will release a YouTube video on the day, which we've already covered up above, but sometimes it'd be just an illustration instead, with some text to go with it.

All the anniversaries and their related celebrations can be seen here.

Blog: Unreal Indolence Record

This is JynX's old blog, the only real lore-related piece of information you'd find here is when JynX changed the kanji for Len'en, and even that's only tangentially related.

Though if you're interested, the blog is translated here.

Blog: pixiv FANBOX

Technically speaking, pixiv FANBOX is a monetization platform first and foremost, allowing fans to donate to their favourite creators. You can do so to support JynX too, and in return you'd get a sneak peek into upcoming Len'en content.

Additionally, JynX also uses its posting system as their new blog these days, and there are actually quite a lot of lore-related and adjacent information here, like the music comments I linked to previously.

They are translated and available for reading here.

Vtuber: Kanae Tabinoki

Yep, JynX is also a Vtuber! Their Vtuber persona is called Kanae Tabinoki, and have near daily streams where they usually work, chat or game.

Strictly speaking, they're not really related to Len'en, though being played by JynX, it's rather inevitable that scraps of lore slip through their mouth.

All lore scraps are documented on the appropriate page on the wiki, though if you'd like you can also read their page and summaries of their streams to look into the details.

Social Media: Twitter

Finally, we come to the end. There are 5 twitter accounts that are relevant to the Len'en series in one way or another. They are:

@mugen_Jinx: JynX's own twitter account

@TN_Rei: Rei and Zelo's shared twitter account

Now these two are absolute gold-mines of lore, back when JynX didn't really realise how crazy fans will get about the lore, they would just drop random scraps onto twitter.

They don't do it much anymore, probably for the same reason Peing isn't used anymore, but I've started a project where I collect and translate all JynX and Rei/Zelo tweets, for future posterity.

The project isn't complete yet, but what is there can be found here. I've already found all lore scraps and documented them onto the wiki though, so there's no urgent need to read these at all.

@EnHaL03472833

@3DM5r5AOnKN9RPN

These two are accounts belong to in-universe characters, and so in fear of spoiling things, I've left their names out.

Being much more important tweets, part of the overall narrative of the series, they have their own dedicated wiki page to translating them here.

@Kanae_Tabinoki: Kanae's twitter account

To be completely honest, in terms of lore, Kanae's account is barely relevant. He mostly uses it to announce upcoming streams. I'm just listing it here for completion's sake.

Final Note: On the Len'en Wiki

Like I mentioned in part 1 your best friend really will be the Len'en wiki, the primary sources and their translations on the wiki are 100% trustworthy, be it game dialogue, associated files or even tweet quotes.

Pages where information needs to be synthesised on the other hand I would be slightly more careful with, there's not a lot of us wiki editors so many of those pages remain un-updated beyond the bare minimum. Misinformation should be kept to a minimum, though.

However, I will guarantee the quality of the Origin and Name sections! I've poured many hours into research for those, and I'm quite proud of them.

Also, there's a glossary navigation box that has a lot of pages for terms, key items and organizations listed there.

I mention this cause while the characters and location navboxes are probably easy to come across, this one might be a bit more obscure. The Youkai page is one example where it can be found.

Finally, the Len'en kanji change and what it signifies is detailed on the Len'en Project page, specifically under Name and Concept & Story Arcs, so there's also that to check out.

Ending

And that! Concludes everything you have to know to start fully immersing yourself into Len'en lore, to the point where you can drown in it like I have.

There are also announced but yet unreleased games and things of the like, but you can explore the wiki to find out about them, or even just ask other fans!

I must reiterate, I wouldn't be too worried about learning and reading up on whatever I've mentioned here in part 3. Part 1 and 2 are already a lot, after all and they're really the main basis you need to dig into the lore, getting immersed in all that does kinda snowballs into the obscure stuff naturally though, so you'll be back~ :)

And finally, to be completely shameless, I do some pretty neat Len'en related analyses and theories here that I feel aren't quite solid enough for the wiki. So if you somehow manage to consume all this and still hunger for more, come visit, yeah?

Anyways, I really, really hopes this helps. And happy lore-ing~!

#len'en project #len'en #len'en lore

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black-arcana · 11 months

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THE PRETTY RECKLESS Has 'Stepped Foot Into A Studio' To Begin Work On New Album

In a new interview with Ronni Hunter of the 99.7 The Blitz radio station conducted at this past weekend's Sonic Temple festival in Columbus, Ohio, THE PRETTY RECKLESS frontwoman Taylor Momsen confirmed that she and her bandmates have commenced work on the follow-up to 2021's "Death By Rock And Roll" album.

"We're in a great headspace," she said (as transcribed by BLABBERMOUTH.NET). "We're just having fun with it, and wrapping up the tour cycle of 'Death By Rock And Roll', with the last few shows. We're going out with [the FOO FIGHTERS] in June, which I'm so stoked about. And then new record — and it's next chapter. We've already kind of started it… We've gotten into a studio; we've stepped foot into a studio. So that's saying something for us."

Regarding when fans can expect to hear new music from THE PRETTY RECKLESS, Taylor said: "I don't know how long it's gonna take. I have no dates for anyone or any more insight other than that. But we have walked into a studio and we are super, super excited."

Last November, THE PRETTY RECKLESS released a new collection of music, "Other Worlds", via Fearless Records. The effort saw the group delivering its first proper acoustic recordings, unexpected covers and other reimaginings.

"Death By Rock And Roll" was made available in February 2021 via Fearless Records in the U.S. and Century Media Records in the rest of the world.

Upon release, "Death By Rock And Roll" topped multiple sales charts — including Billboard's Top Albums, Rock, Hard Music, and Digital charts. The record also yielded three back-to-back No. 1 singles — "Death By Rock And Roll", "And So It Went" (featuring Tom Morello of RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE) and "Only Love Can Save Me Now" (featuring Kim Thayil and Matt Cameron of SOUNDGARDEN). The band has tallied seven No. 1 singles at the rock format throughout its career.

"Death By Rock And Roll" was THE PRETTY RECKLESS's first album to be made without longtime producer Kato Khandwala, who died in April 2018 from injuries sustained in a motorcycle accident.

THE PRETTY RECKLESS formed in 2009 and consists of Momsen, guitarist Ben Phillips, bassist Mark Damon and drummer Jamie Perkins.

In 2021, Momsen — who rose to fame portraying the character of edgy little sister Jenny Humphrey on The CW's "Gossip Girl" — described "Death By Rock And Roll" in an interview with ABC Audio as a "battle cry for life and for hope."

"I think that that's something that we can all use a little bit more of, especially right now," she said. "We could always use a little more hope, and we could always use a little more rock and roll."

Image credit: concertsrock

youtube

#taylor momsen #the pretty reckless #interview #new album #Youtube

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terriyakiblack · 12 days

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List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who reblogged something from you! 🧡🧡

boy you know what DOESN’T make me happy? Coming home to a dead PC. Shit on a stick that was a pain in the ass to fix. augh my poor fingiesss

1) So funnily enough, I can list problem solving / working on my PC as one thing. I was furious when I got home, it’s been a day, but holy shit it was a good feeling to get that new power box in and see it finally start up. Chef’s kiss.

2) Making stuff. Not necessarily being artistic, depending on how you look at it, but I’ve been working on a video project for a while now, almost done with it, and it just… feels good to make something. No real details ‘cause I like to keep certain personalities a little separate, but watching that timeline in my video editor go from nothing but a green bar of script I recorded to tons of cut and spliced footage just feels real good way deep inside, like around your pancreas or something, y’know?

3) I could just say Sea of Thieves and leave it at that but I’ll do you one better: sitting down with a Pepsi and snack, getting online — be it planned or not — grabbing the guys and going out on the seas is a fuckin vibe. It’s just nice, but if you add onto that some successful hunting or going out and coming back with a new story to tell, there’s nothing like it. I wouldn’t trade my mates for anything because they’re everything to me.

4) I’m absolutely awful about music and listen to damn near anything and it depends on how I’m feeling that particular day, but when I read my own mood right, find the right music and it sounds good, it hits right it is a damned good time.

5) I feel like I’m cheating a little bit here by saying this after already listing ‘making stuff’ but the Do You Think Sharks Have Feelings? project is deeply important to me. I note my official start time of it as September of 2020, but I know I had some brainstorming going on in the months leading up to that, but that means it’s been at my side through some pretty rough shit. By early April of 2021 I had written about five parts to it, IIRC, or it was four and then I split one part. I manged to write what I felt was an impressive amount of material then, and I kept going. Slowly, very slowly, but surely. Actually, it was a pitiful amount I got done over the next year, but I had the ideas in my head. When I was finally diagnosed with stuff and given medication, my ability to write took the fuck off. … things… in the house settled as well as I realistically should have hoped for, but it became bearable. Every first draft written, edited, and marked complete gave me a feeling like no other. Writing this dumb thing puts me in a great mood, even when I’ve taken a small break. Ever since April of 2022, I’ve been writing constantly. An annoying amount, even, sometimes, writing as we sail between islands or wanting to work on it instead of playing something, stuff like that. But the point is that no matter if I’m stumped on the part I’m working on or if I’m blitzing down an entire chapter in one day (done that twice now oops), I love this stupid thing.

#declawedwildcat #ask box games #terri rambles

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dalesramblingsblog · 7 months

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Oh yeah, I'm a couple days late with this announcement, but thank you all so much for 4,000 lifetime views on the blog. The growth that Dale's Ramblings has experienced in 2023 is nothing short of insane to me. I only hit 3,000 views back in April!

Literally, I don't think I've stressed this point enough, but the site has been viewed almost as many times in this year alone as it was in 2021 and 2022 *combined*. That is a frankly incomprehensible statistic. I know I've had a bit of a readership spike since making the transition to Tumblr, so... credit where credit is due, honestly. I remain more than a little intimidated by this all, but that intimidation is overpowered by a deep and abiding gratitude.

Even outside of the simple numbers, the sixth year of Dale's Ramblings easily numbers among my favourites. This is by far the first extended period where I can honestly say that I have been happy with a decent majority of my work, and considering I reviewed about thirty-three novels and a short story collection in the past twelve months, that's no small feat.

I also drew down the curtain on a long-running chapter of my exploration of Doctor Who's novels by wrapping up the main body of the VARs, which was quite a bittersweet experience, but thankfully mostly sweet. I don't know that I'll be sufficiently rested by the time of the blog's proper anniversary in a few weeks' time to put out a de facto anniversary post like The Man in the Velvet Mask last year, but I hope you'll join me in the blog's seventh year when I return with Oh No It Isn't!

Thank you all so much, from the bottom of my heart.

#dale's ramblings

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claudiajcregg · 25 days

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20 Questions for Fic Writers

Tagged by both @mihrsuri and @unseenacademic 💜💜💜 Thank you so much! I actually wrote up most of the answers the day I was tagged, and then forgot to post them. For over 10 days, probably. Me bad.

1. How many works do you have on Ao3? 23! (One of them is a 'collection' of short ficlets, and has 6 chapters. So 28 stories in 23 works so far. Probably about to be more stories in still 23 works.)

2. What's your total Ao3 word count? 156,597 words. For now.

3. What fandoms do you write for? Currently? Just TWW. Who knows in the future!

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

They have about 35% of my total kudos, but the first two are ~21% alone. (The first one is the only fic that has over 100 kudos. Then again, any of them getting above 30 is a miracle.)

maybe everything's just turning out how it should be (Big Block of Cheese 2008; CJ & Josh. Posted Feb 2021) [121]

say it's here where our pieces fall in place (Vignettes, 1998-2008. Posted Jan 2022.) [66]

just your smile lit a sixty-watt bulb in my house that was darkened for days (Thanksgiving 2006. Posted Dec 2022.) [55]

nobody knows how to get back home (Missing scene from ITSOTG. Posted April 2023) (wait what. top 4?!) [50]

we could be the way forward and I know I'll pay for it (B4A Campaign Fic, spring 1998. Posted May 2021) [47]

5. Do you respond to comments?

YES. I don't take them for granted, and I like interacting with my readers. Sharing is nerve-wracking and makes me feel so exposed, so any comment makes it worth it. I like to thank peeps for their time! As of late, it's taking me weeks to get back to comments for Brain/spoons reasons (and because I try to do so in order, though not always). I sometimes feel bad I have fallen behind on leaving my own comments, so replying to what I get makes me feel bad. I love getting the rare, long, thoughtful comments, because I love seeing what people pick up on (had to restrain myself from commenting on everything), so if that one's up next… It'll delay everything. I have a harder time letting go of those.

I know replying or not is a hot topic, and I fall on the side of 'whatever the author does is fine' (I see them as being voluntary gifts to the author, kinda, but I understand why some authors can't or won't reply! Especially those who get dozens.). It does feel weird(ly demoralizing) when you see that yours is one of a couple of comments they haven't replied to, though. (Selfishly, as someone who tries to write medium-long comments, lack of anything can sting. It's irrational, it's not what I'm after, but it'd be nice to know whether that hour plus of my time was worth it. It's not transactional and I hate that c4c idea or whatever. Just. weird feelings.)

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

As we've established in previous similar memes (lol, I think I've answered these questions before), my fics don't really have angsty endings! For the most part. I think I said don't want you to go but I'll be okay then, and I can still buy that/definitely popped into my brain. I think some of my late S7 fics have an ominous feel to them, with some references/buildup to the angsty parts of IM, but I wouldn't call them angsty endings.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Um. The opposite is true! still you never took your hand from mine was my first thought, but I feel like oh, and I will be with you to feel the California sun is pretty darn happy. I could have picked almost any of them and I could make a case for them!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I luckily do not. I have gotten a couple of comments that have messed with my brain, and made me second-guess things, but they were not hate.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes, but not regularly and not that well. It's usually short, mild scenes at most, but I did challenge myself to write a more explicit one last summer, especially after I got those 'one bed' tropes in the Wheel but didn't go there in the 500-word limit. Streets say it's hot. IDK. I also wrote a smutty continuation to the exchange fic. Best if we forget parts of that one happened. I also started writing one that would be in my S5 pregnancy universe but 🤐

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I don't. But this question confirms to me I have answered this before because I know I've joked about how TV has already done that for me, lmao. See: Bones/Sleepy Hollow.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? (I had to track down this question because it wasn't anywhere.) I don't think so!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope! I'm having déjà vu here. I know I have answered this before: I could do it myself! But I have a feeling it wouldn't be as easy as one might think, but I'd be honored.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I don't think so…? If I have, it was years ago, in my forum/LJ days. I've been trying to make it happen for a while now, but who knows if it'll ever happen. WE HAVE IDEAS. We want to make it happen. (Wink wink, nudge nudge. You know who.)

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Spaceships are so cool. Atlantis was the first space shuttle I saw in person (and also the one I've seen the most) and it and its exhibit are awesome. I'm only missing Discovery out of the four space shuttles, because I didn't go to the second National Air and Space Museum location in Virginia back in 2015. And once the new exhibit center is completed, I'd love to see Endeavour again.

(In all seriousness, I don't have one. Booth and Brennan will forever and always hold a special place in my heart, but I love CJ and Danny so much, writing for them, their journey. Pls don't make me pick.)

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I am a big 'never say never' person, because I end up picking stuff up (and maybe rewriting it to fit my current style/ability) if I remember an idea… But I'm guessing many of them won't get finished. Probably some of those that are deep in my notes app or on the drive.

16. What are your writing strengths? I (try to) dig into the emotion of a scene as best as I can.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Everything else? I know it sounds like an excuse (at least to my ears), but writing in your second language is hard. I know my writing sounds limited because of it – my descriptions will never be as evocative as I wish they were, my dialogue won't be there. I am not the most imaginative person, either.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

If it makes sense, and won't take the reader out of the story, go for it! (A few words, or a line or two, might work if there's appropriate context.)

But also, as a non-native speaker, I'll always recommend using pals who might be fluent in that language and checking with them! I know that, throughout my many years in fandom, I've read quick things in Spanish within English fics that weren't entirely correct in the context they were being used (i.e. character's fluency, smaller details), and they took me out for a second. (I know, I know – pot, meet kettle. If anyone has read an unedited story of mine, they've found me making up English phrases.)

19. First fandom you wrote for? Bones. In Spanish. (I also think I wrote some ficlets in English that are probably hidden in some random LJ comm I created for my writing. They're probably 14-15 years old.)

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

I honestly cannot pick! And maybe it's yet to come. But basically, if I've gone through the embarrassment of having someone edit/beta a fic and catch all the avoidable mistakes, it's because it genuinely has something I like about it and that I think others will like, too. (Perceived quality aside.)

Off the top of my head, and out of the posted fics (obvious recency bias, sorry). I have a story for all 23… Also, let's consider I've mostly not read them since they were posted so I might be off. (Would love to hear what everyone's favorite is, if you've read any and are reading this!) Obviously, that top 5 by kudos has great ones. There's a reason

don't want you to go but I'll be okay: I just remember finishing it and knowing it was something special. Felt like many things coming together. I wanted to write angstier, a break from the endgame of the IM AU I've yet to post, and I think it works. I had had that quote as inspo for a while, and I think the trip to Berlin put it back on my mind. (The first haunted by the notion draft is from around this time, too!)

your love is a secret I'm hoping, dreaming, dying to keep: the structure is likely a tad repetitive, maybe (but also, the point of 3+1s, sort of?) but I love writing in that s7 period, and there should be more fic with the press corps. I think the stuff I wrote while editing (which included an overhaul of the +1) is even better than what was there.

oh, and I will be with you to feel the California sun: recency bias, yes. I love a good early Cali story, and even if this was nowhere the story I sat down to write originally, I love how it turned out. It's silly but fun, and so sunny.

still you never took your hand from mine: I will always have all the soft spots for my memoir stories, even if two of them have yet to be posted. This one doubled its size a year and a half after “finishing” it because I realized what it was missing. It's sappy, probably unrealistic re: the publishing industry, but damn it if it's not one of those that have made me cry while editing them.

we could be the way forward and I know I'll pay for it: I had to include an oldie but goodie from my first year, and this one is so special to me. (Along with BBC 2008, which I also absolutely adore. That was the fic I always wanted to post. Hilarious it was third. But it's also my most popular fic by a huge margin.) Seeing it recommended on Tumblr? God. I love campaign stories and all their potential. I love that I took a random line from some unposted story and it evolved into this fic.

nobody knows how to get back home: I almost added the most recent one because of how fun it was to write (or, as I mentioned above, Big Block of Cheese) but I like how bittersweet this missing scene one is. I find CJ's internal struggle so interesting to explore, and this is one of her most vulnerable moments. I also wanted to see a hug so badly.

#20 questions for fic writers #ask games #god this is so late #hopefully I make up for it with my rambling #tagging whoever wants to do it - everyone I know was tagged in one of the rounds with me #in between writing most of this and posting it I hit 900 kudos woo

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