#it's already my most played song EVER on spotify and it's been like two months since i first listened to it

[zukkaoru]

i need whatever maisie peters put in the last one to be injected straight into my veins. i think it would fix me

#it's already my most played song EVER on spotify and it's been like two months since i first listened to it #i've had my spotify account for over EIGHT YEARS #it's about the unwavering loyalty. the i will love you even if the world doesn't. there is nothing anyone can do to make me stop loving you #if everyone else forsakes you i will be the last one on your side. when you have no one else you will still have me. you will always have m #also thinking about it in the context of the aktgw siblings makes me so extremely ill #case in point: snowfall #hello grace here

[astoryisaloveaffair]

Fix You - Chapter 14: Enjoy the Silence

Gif by @hunterschafer

Pairing: Frankie “Catfish” Morales x Fem!Reader

Fic Masterlist

Read on A03

Spotify Playlist

»»———————►

Chapter Summary: The final heat...

Word Count: 7k

Rating: R

Chapter Warnings: Cussing, violence. I will not be warning anything else due to spoiling the story. We are all grown. You can stop reading when you want to.

A/N: Has it really been a year? I wish I had a better excuse than "I haven't been doing great." But that's what it is. I've had huge changes in my life. New job, new career, new goals, and a greater sense of self-worth. I'm feeling a lot better. But my new schedule is busy! Hopefully you can forgive me for such a long cliffhanger.

Finally, a heads up. This has been the arc I have been working towards for almost two years, and I'm not going to waver. Just stick with me like you have been. It’ll be worth it.

I also did the absolute most and made a specific playlist just for this chapter here.

Forever thank you to everyone who commented, reblogged, shared, boosted, made content for, and supported me. It meant a lot and definitely kept this fic in the back of my mind. As always, most love to my girl @musings-of-a-rose who has tolerated me being a shitty friend for a whole ass year, and always talking things through with me in life and in this fic. Cheers.

Suggested Songs: Depeche Mode "Enjoy the Silence", Fitz and the Tantrums: "Out of My League", Lizzo "Truth Hurts", Michael Kiwanuka "Cold Little Heart", Cigarettes After Sex "Cry", Guster "Demons"

Frankie and you decided to break your apartment lease starting October 1st. Fall term started on the 30th of August, and you wanted time to settle into your schedule before planning a move. You spent almost all your time at his house anyway, only stopping back at your apartment for more clothes. Frankie had already given you a row of drawers to keep your things in.

You’d honestly never been happier, both on cloud 9 and it never faded, you were incredibly excited to begin this new start with Frankie and Gabi. It all seemed to have happened so fast. It had only been five months, you hadn’t even told your family about him yet, mostly to avoid comments on the age gap. 

You were relieved the hiccup in your relationship settled, you didn’t like feeling unsure or that someone resented you. When you started feeling secure again, you clung to it. That sparkle of joy was hard to keep in check.

You picked your Fall schedule out together and spent the remaining weeks of summer basking in your relationship, playing with Gabi, going out with the guys, and constant fucking. But your most favorite thing was still lying on the couch with Frankie, teasing each other and watching bad TV.

“This is simultaneously the best and worst movie I have ever seen in my life. I don’t understand how they achieved this.”

Frankie shrugs, reaching to your lap for the giant bowl of popcorn, his eyes still glazed to the TV where Mad Max: Fury Road is playing. “I dunno. Who cares? It’s cars and chaos!”

“And Tom Hardy. And Charlize Theron.”

He pinches you on the waist, acting threatened by your thirst just to tease you. “You ever been to a demo derby? This kind of reminds me of it.”

You sit up from where your back is resting against his chest. “Um, no? Isn’t that kind of…for rednecks?”

He laughs, his eyes crinkling. “I’m not sure if you noticed, but Benny and Will are rednecks. But no, it’s for anyone who likes cars crashing into each other. There’s actually one at the fair every year. We always go to it. You should come.”

“I’m not going to a demo derby.”

“Aw come on! It’ll be fun! First time for Gabi too, and there’s rides and games and funnel cake and fried oreos—” He pauses as you hold your hand up to silence him.

“I’ll go. You had me at ‘funnel cake.’”

The fair is packed. The final hurrah of the summer before kids return to school and university students dive back into their studies. The derby started at 8 PM sharp, you, Dali, and the boys got there plenty early to look around a bit, get some food, and find seats.

You forgo any typical entree and go right for the funnel cake, heaping fruit and extra powdered sugar on it until the plate is a big mound of sweet. The guys had talked you up on this for days, Benny wouldn’t shut up about it, and you found yourself excited to watch. Your legs bounce impatiently as you scarf down your cake, breaking off pieces here and there to feed to Gabi and your boys.

The seats were bleachers, hard metal planks that hurt your butt and back and caught vibration from every footfall, but Pope sat behind you so you could lean back against his legs to be more comfortable. 

It’s a long wait. The bleachers eventually fill up, you certainly had the best seat in the house (thank you Will), and you could see the hoods up of participating cars behind the commentator podium. The air is musty, the odor of wet dirt from a quick August shower earlier that day.

When the first round of vehicles start revving their engines, Frankie pulls some earphones for Gabi and secures it to her head. Once he’s sure she’s comfortable, he quickly runs you through the basic rules. “So there’s several ‘heats’, and which heat you’re in is based on how many cylinders the car has. Last car moving is the winner, but you can’t just avoid the other cars the whole time. No continuing if your car starts sparking from the engine, no hitting the driver side door, and no hitting anyone who’s already out.” 

“Wait, cars catch on fire in this?”

Before Frankie can answer, the announcer calls out the first heat and you almost choke at the state of the cars coming out. They were completely dilapidated, windows punched out and hood frames reinforced with extra steel. It looked like each entry had about 5 different parts all from different cars, horrendous paint jobs, and one of them even had a stuffed dinosaur duct taped to the hood. Some of them looked like they had already been hit by cars, parts hanging off and bumpers pressing in on itself. None of these cars would last at all. There’s no way...

The rink was surrounded by giant cement cinder blocks creating a large “rink” type area. The contestants lined the front bumpers of their vehicles up parallel to each other at the barricades separating the cars from the bleachers, alternately revving their engines during the countdown.

“Okay, so, usually we all pick the car we think is going to win.” Benny says. You lean forward to look over the assortment of jacked up cars for this heat, eventually settling on an old Toyota Corolla painted a matte black. Benny chooses the dino car, Will chooses a Dodge Stealth with it’s headlights hanging outside the socket, Dali and Pope argue over a Ford Taurus whose back end was already smashed into the back seats, and Frankie chooses a Chevy Impala, which you immediately regret not taking because it has such a long front and back end. Lots of room for smashing and being able to keep going.

Gabi jumps up and down on Frankie’s lap as he points out things to her over the sounds of engines and a countdown, and then the cars are off off, engines roaring and dirt kicking up as they all reverse at full speed, several of them crunching up in the middle while others circle around the perimeters.

It soon becomes clear to you that there is no rhyme or reason to which car makes it and which doesn’t. Pope’s Taurus didn’t even start and is eliminated after 2 minutes of no movement, and whoever is driving the boxy piece of shit Honda Accord that Dali had to select is a fucking maniac, winding and weaving at full speed backwards, hitting whoever gets in their way. Her choice is the winner of that heat. 

Most of them are driving backwards, and Will tells you it’s because they are trying to protect the engine. You deflate in your seat a little in disappointment, but he assures you that as the heat winds down and there's fewer cars taking up the space, the drivers and announcer will get impatient and they will hit each other head to head.

You’re shocked at how much you enjoy it. At one point a car hits the passenger side door of another so hard that it is pushed up and onto the barricade wall from the inertia, hanging from an angle as the crowd jeers and shrieks in excitement. One car flips over completely, another’s engine bursts into flames and the crowd all starts crying out caution because the announcer can’t see it. You’ve never seen anything like it before and there was so much fire you were sure the whole thing would blow up, but the driver slid out the glassless driver’s side window like it was no big deal and walked it off.

There is something satisfying about two cars hitting each other at full speed, the bodies of them crunching, wheels hanging off axles, bumpers being dragged behind and run over by other drivers, cars with mangled pieces becoming stuck to each other so they can’t separate until another car hits them, tires completely gone and cars only moving on its hubs. It’s chaos in a safe format, a way to experience destruction and violence in a way that feels good and unharmful. 

Gabi has never been so amazed in her entire life, her mouth hangs open and she wriggles against her dad to see everything, laughing every time a collision happens. The audience oohs and ahhs and boos and screams and cheers and teases, you and your friends join the clamor as you have your own mini competition with yourselves.  

Giant fork tractors come into the arena area to lift the cars that can’t move anymore, some guys are able to get theirs back up and running, driving them to the sides to shape up for the final Battle Royale.

The final heat is fucking wild. All the cars that were already battered enough before they even began to come back out, returned to do another round for the final winner. With all the action you’d barely even noticed that contestants whose cars were still driveable had spent the remaining heats beyond the barricades hammering and reforming their vehicles enough to compete again. 

And at the end, the winner of all faces the crowd, pulls off their helmet to reveal a thick curly mass of long hair.  The winner is a woman. You and Dali cheer until your throats hurt.

It’s over too soon. There’s a mass exodus the instant the derby is over, the packed stadium standing and pouring down the stairs pressing so tight that you and your boys decide to hang back until it thins out. You lead the way, Frankie’s large and warm hand grazing your waist as you slowly move down the stairs and back out into the fair, turning to wait for the rest of your friends to make it out.

“What next?” Benny says when you are all reunited. “More food? Games? Rides?”

“I’m not eating more before getting on rides, let's do those now.” Says Frankie, grumbling as he hears you tease him with Benny. He whips his head around to glare at you. “Just you wait until you get older and start getting sick on rides, I cannot wait to make fun of you back.”

The wait for the ride tickets is long, but it leaves plenty of time for the group to decide how many are needed. Who is riding what, who isn’t, what pairings and who will watch Gabi on the rides she can’t do. You’re surprised when Will and Pope back out of the Zipper, leaving you and Benny as a pairing for that.

Riding it was a mistake. The ride is basically a giant airborne conveyer belt with completely enclosed containers for people hanging off it that were 360 degree capable. And it lasted FOREVER. You lose some of your funnel cake behind the ride out of sight, threatening violence on Benny if he outs you to the others. 

But it didn’t stop you from riding The Freak Out immediately afterwards, a rotating pendulum swing that made you feel like you were going to be catapulted out of your seat. The ride seated 4 groups of 4 so that in between squeezing your eyes shut, you could catch watery glimpses of Benny red-faced and cackling hysterically, Will’s chants of “ohfuckohfuckohfuckOHfuckOHFUCKOHSHIT FUCCCCCCK!”, and Frankie looking…absolutely fine. It was almost disturbing really, he was calm and collected, the only hint that this might have been something other than a nice drive in his truck was his giant smile, the tears leaking from his squinted eyes, his chocolate curls whipping around in the breeze as his hands clutch his hat in his lap with a steel grip.

“How the fuck were you so calm?!” You gasp as you stumble off the rickety landing platform. You hadn’t moved yet you felt like you had run a mile, your heart was beating so fast from the adrenaline it almost felt like you might have a heart attack. 

Frankie shrugs. “Feels like a copter in a bad air current.” 

You simply stare blinking. 

“No, he’s always like this. Like this one time, we were flying in a helo over the Andes mountains, and—”

A sharp stare from Frankie that he tries to hide from you makes Benny backpedal. 

“Uhhh yea we were flying over some mountains and the air current was wild but we got over the mountains just fine and everything was fine and we were fine.”

Your heart seizes in your chest, that same feeling of not being told something creeping up. You hate it. You push it back down, swallowing heavily to center yourself. “So I assume you were fine.”

“Yea. Yea. Cat is a good pilot.” 

You hum, the panic still not leaving your chest.

Frankie grabs your hand as you walk. “It happened a lot, I just got used to it.”

“It happened a lot?”

“Yea. I mean, sometimes we were flying through shit climates, sometimes even pursued. Doesn’t make for a smooth ride. I’m just used to it. They always scream bloody murder though.” Frankie smiles softly.

“Oh.”

You go silent, continuing to walk to the next destination: the scrambler. You had already established you would not ride and Dali wanted some funnel cake herself, so she heads off while you stay off to the side with Gabi to watch, lost in your own thoughts.

“Just don’t fucking talk about that, none of that. That never happened.” Frankie seethes to Benny as they are strapped into the ride. 

“Sorry dude, I can’t read your thoughts. I figured she knew.”

“No. I don’t want her to know. No one else needs to know about it.”

Benny falls silent, looking to Will beside him. Pope lowers his head, choosing to say nothing.

“Catfish…you have to.” Says Will.

“No the fuck I don’t. I never want her to know. If she knows…she’ll actually see ‘real me’. ‘Fuck-up me.” And I don't want her to yet. I don’t want to lose her yet. I don’t want her to be afraid. Stop fucking looking at me like that.”

They stop. But only because the ride starts, and they can’t see anything other than blurs.

You hate this feeling, this fluttering in your stomach like something is wrong but your heart knows, it knows it’s fine. It has to be. Your mind is spinning, trying to combat the rising anxiety clenching in your chest, doing gymnastics to find reasons to not be alarmed.

He’s not lying about something. He’s not. …He promised….I’m just overthinking this…

You can’t. You refuse to even think about it. Confronting the terrible possibility that you might’ve done it again, you might have thrown yourself all in to someone only to—-no. 

He’s not lying. He’s not. …He promised….he’s different. I’m just overthinking this…

You can feel butterflies bubbling in your stomach and you feel like you might throw up. Fucking men. You huff in frustration and try to distract yourself with your surroundings, watching people on rides, sharing funnel cake. Your eyes scan over two men staring at you silently by a skewered chicken cart and in your current mood it makes you furious. “What the fuck are you staring at?!” You growl at them. They say nothing and slowly walk away, disappearing into the crowd. Fucking. Men.

You try not to let your emotions show. You sit back while Gabi goes on some rides for her age, using the time to rehydrate and calm yourself down. Living through Gabi’s joy helps.. She’s having a blast, choosing a different person to pair with for each time ride. Pope in the Wacky House, the Helicopters with her dad, Benny on the mini Viking ship. Once you feel better you join in to play bumper cars (Will and Gabi win) and ride the high-rise swings with her seated in the cool metal chair next to you, Benny singing along to the ambient speakers playing “Out of My League” so loud eventually all the other teens on the ride join in.You enjoy the mini coaster more than you thought you would considering it’s for kids Gabi’s age, you and Dali are the only others who can fit in the seats, no matter how hard Benny tried. It was easy to quickly forget.

After the coaster, Gabi begins to slow down, so you hit the fried oreo stand, paying for several batches despite protestation and alternately feeding everyone as the group slowly walks through the agricultural parts of the fair. It’s calmer here, the air warm and quiet. The pathway is less crowded so Gabi is able to frolic around on the walkway in front of you safely. 

You walk through every barn, stopping to pet every animal. She’s a natural with them. Completely fearless, not one flicker of apprehension as she approaches cows and horses that are easily 6 times her height, paying close attention to her dad in how to not spook them. Everyone finds the goats to be the favorite because of the sounds they make. Even more so when Frankie engages in a screaming contest back and forth with a bunch of them until someone shoos them out of the pavilion.

Soon, all the sugar Gabi consumed rears its ugly head in the rabbit barn, she throws a fit when Frankie won’t let her get a pet rabbit and you only just catch her upper arm in time to keep her from collapsing on the filthy barn floor. You’re surprised she held out so long. Even you were crashing and getting tired. Also, the rabbits were ridiculously cute.

“Listen Gabi, how about we ride the ferris wheel? Would you like that?” You kneel before her, swiping the tears off her cheeks as she catches her breath. “It goes really high! Higher than the swings!” She nods, sniffing in a snot bubble as she takes your hand. The two of you lead the way, and as you get closer and closer, you start to regret your decision. 

It’s much taller than the Freak Out. By more than 100 feet. It doesn’t look very stable either.

“Wait...this…this looks kind of high, don’t you think?” You turn to the guys, trying to conceal the wavering in your voice. You were scared enough at 70 feet. This was more like 200.

“Height requirement says she’s fine. And it’s enclosed, goes really slow. Come on.” Frankie takes you by the hand and your heart leaps into your throat, your feet skidding across the lawn as you try to pull back. 

A light shove pushes you forward and you turn to glare at Will as he smirks down at you. “If you don’t go I’m never going to let you hear the end of it. Not after you called us “old and broken down.”

Well shit.

“Fine.”

You’re shaking when it’s your turn, the group mad dashing to three cars next to each other so you could talk throughout. Benny pairs with Pope, Gabi is vibrating with excitement as she’s put into a carriage by Will and Dali, and Frankie is beaming as he motions you towards the left car. He pats your butt as you gingerly step in, waiting until you’re seated before joining you and taking your hand. 

“Babe…are you okay?”

You swallow, grateful it’s dark enough he can’t see you trembling. “Yep. I’m good.” 

He leans forward in his seat, the glowing phosphorescence of the lights of the ride and around the fair bathing him halfway in a multicolored glow. tThe colors and shadows fold into the angles of his face like rainbow chiaroscuro, an angular stained glass window. He takes your hand again, yours is swallowed in his palm and you close your eyes as he rubs his thumb across the top. The dark beat of Depeche Mode pounds against your chest and echoes in your ears and you briefly imagine this is what it must feel like to drop acid.

“Your hands are really sweaty…and you’re breathing really fast. Are you sure you’re okay? Hey…” He squeezes your palm and you open your eyes to meet his. “It’s okay if you’re scared. I won’t joke anymore about it, I’m sorry.”

You swallow. “It’s just really really high.”

Frankie watches the ride operator out of the corner of his eye passing their car as he makes sure everyone is safely locked in before tugging on your arm slightly. You slide forward minutely, he meets you more than halfway with his large limbs and rests his hands on your hips. You gasp as the ride jolts and begins rolling, lifting the cabs up in the air. His calloused fingertip pushes your head back up.

“How about I distract you.” He murmurs, shifting forward one inch more, tilting his neck as his soft pouty lips meet yours. 

You close your eyes, trying to lose your self awareness into him and his mouth and the soft skin of his nose that bumps your cheek and tickles your nose with its little breaths. 

The lift mechanism suddenly shudders, clunking over something and it feels like when you run over a squirrel in your car. You inhale sharply against Frankie’s lips as your cab jostles back and forth. Not much, but enough for you to slam yourself back against your seat and clutch the seat bottom as hard as you can. Your heart beats wildly and you imagine the ride breaking and dropping you on the ground to be crushed to death by this stupid fucking metal cab.

You feel pressure on your knees and look down, focusing hard to not see double from fear. Frankie cups both in his hands, thumbs lightly stroking the inside of your thighs. “It’s okay.” He reassures, squeezing your knees once more. “Probably an under-greased cog, it’s nothing. They test these things like 50 times a day.”

You simply stare, forcing yourself to nod. 

“Close your eyes.”

You open your mouth to argue then close it and obey. You trust Frankie, and it can’t be any worse. 

“Just focus on me. And…you hear the music? It’s called “Enjoy the Silence.” I was obsessed with this song when it came out. And can you hear Benny below us? I can hear Gabi laughing too. We’re all okay, you’re okay too.”

You bite your lips into your mouth, focusing on the song and Frankie’s husky voice. The meditative synth pop calms you, and the carefree voices of your friends below does help calm you, but you can’t slow down your heartbeat. 

“I’m okay. Just too much adrenaline.”

The hands on your knees slide up your bare thighs and wrap around the bottoms of them. Frankie pulls you forward in your seat with a smirk. “I’m feeling a little amped up too.”

“Frankie.”

He doesn’t respond, his sole focus on your thighs as his hands slide up and up and up until he is just able to slip the tip of one of his fingers under one leg of your shorts. For some reason, it pisses you off.

“Frankie!” You hiss. “People could see us.”

“Nah…” He shushes you, his finger sliding lower. 

You clamp your legs shut and push his hand back in his direction. “Frankie, I don’t want to right here.” 

He sits up. “Oh.”

Suddenly you hear Benny’s voice from below. “Hello we are underneath you guys! I don’t want to hear any hooking up sounds!” He trolls, and you fully push Frankie back to his side, your cheeks burning in embarrassment.

It’s the first time you can remember that it’s ever been uncomfortably awkward between the two of you, and you’re not sure why. The silence seems so much more noticeable and weird against the clanking of the Ferris wheel gears and the chattering of random other people.

You’re not even looking at each other, you realize. When did that happen? Your neck cranes to the left as you gaze at the stars, and when you turn back towards Frankie, he is looking to the right and down at the fair. 

“…Is everything okay?”

His eyes snap back to yours. “Yea? Why wouldn’t it be?”

“Cause I pushed you away, and…I dunno, you’re being weird..”

“Oh, I’m sorry, that’s not intentional. I’m not upset, c’mere.” He opens his arms wide to you, scooting on his bench so there’s enough room for you.

You hesitate. “Won’t it…won’t it throw off the balance?”

You feel ridiculous asking but he doesn’t laugh at you, just shakes his head slightly. “Nah, they wouldn’t be able to run this ride if people couldn’t sit on the same side.”

You balance awkwardly on the edge of your bench overanalyzing what exact moment during the track of the ride to launch onto his, but you overthink it and end up jostling the cab more than necessary. Frankie’s arms pull you into his side and you burrow your face in his neck as the cab continues to rock. The music fades from Depeche Mode to Lizzo to Lil’ Nas X (Will clearly enjoys that one) and then back to Lizzo, and you forget all about your uneasiness.

He was right. It did feel better being with him. 

The ride does one more pass then rolls to a halt, letting off you with Frankie and Benny with Santiago. You hover at the exit for Will and Gabi, who have to wait for their cab to reach the platform before dismounting. Frankie takes your hand as you wait.

Gabby’s adrenaline rush runs out fast, and you spend the remainder of the fair eating more fried Oreos and playing games. Somehow you manage to beat them all at the water shooting game, which amps up the competitiveness to the point you’d rather just watch.

Which is how you end up at the “star” game. 

“We’re so fucking good at this game, it pisses them off every time.” Laughs Benny, as he shoots the entire Star out perfectly with the gun that is specifically not given enough ammo to achieve this. You hop up on the far side of the counter to watch, noting the way each of you boys handles their weapon and the differences in each. Benny held his gun loosely, like he was relaxed and self assured. It almost seemed like you would be able to slap it out of his hands but you knew he still had an iron grip. Will was precise and, as you expected, “perfect form”. You could tell just from Pope’s posture change that he was the best shot on the team, you’d never seen him look so focused. Frankie held his with a tense white knuckle grip, the folding stock tucked against his shoulder joint. The tension carrying up his arms as his veins popped out in his forearms and biceps. He looked fucking good. And you wouldn’t consider yourself a “gun person.” In fact, you kind of hated them. But there just was something about a strong non-douchey man holding a rifle like that that activated you. Damn the patriarchy. Even Dali is a great shot, though not as good as the guys.

After a few rounds, the carnie finally stopped allowing your posse to keep playing, frustrated that somehow the rigging system didn’t work on your group. You lean back on your hands, your legs swinging against the wood counter, observing Benny arguing with the carnie with a smirk. Gabi is passed out in her stroller next to you as Frankie sidles up to you, feeding you a piece of Fried Reeses, then promptly kissing you so the taste floats between you. 

He hums deeply, stepping closer to you til he’s between your legs. His hands rest low on the top of your thighs. “This ok?”

You smile. “Yes. More than okay. And I want more.” 

Frankie beams and cups your face, his lips crashing into yours as he all but breathes you in. You tilt your head and poke his mouth with your tongue. He responds immediately and opens for you, meeting you halfway. You whine softly as his hands leave your cheeks and trail down your back, one hand sneaking a bit lower to discreetly cup your ass. You’ve just wound your legs around his hips and your arms around his neck when you hear a shrill voice cut through the din of the dwindling crowd.

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

Your heart slams to a halt so fast it hurts. You recognize that voice. And so does Frankie. Your heads both snap to the left as a disheveled looking Lex stands there with a bunch of her friends.

Frankie simply stares. She repeats herself. “Are. You. Fucking. Kidding. Me. The BABYSITTER? Are you fucking your BABYSITTER??? Oh Frankie…come on…how pathetic can you be? She’s like a child!”

You look at Frankie, receding into himself like a silent, terrified puppy. You’ve never seen him like this before, it unnerves you.

“Excuse me.” You snap back. “I am 28.”

She scoffs. I fucking knew something was going on with you two. And you’re doing this in front of my child?”

“Well, actually, Gabi is sleeping. At least she was, until you came ranting and raving.” You make eye contact with Pope, who reads your perfectly and starts steering Gabi’s stroller away so she can’t hear. “We made sure to be careful for her but why do you even care if we are fucking? You left him! You didn’t want him anymore, so it shouldn’t fucking matter who he dates.” 

“He’s a drug addict and a pathological liar. He will NEVER change.”

“Yea? And you are a drunk, controlling, OCD bitch who can’t mind her own fucking business. He’s happy with me. I trust him. Unlike you. Bye.” You couldn’t help yourself, you just fucking hated her.

But that set her off. “Did he tell you why he was suspended?”

“Yes, he—“

“Did he tell you he was high, flying a family and he almost injured everyone from a sloppy landing? Did he tell you how he would take Gabi to his drug dealers house with him? How he went on a STUPID fucking mission with these idiots to burglarize a fucking drug lord completely off paper? That I deliberately asked him not to because we had a new baby? That he crashed their helicopter, dropped all their money and shot innocent villagers to keep them from getting it? At children and old men adn women? That because of that, Molly’s husband was shot in the fucking head by one of those people? And then they couldn’t even bring the money back so it was all for no reason?”

She’s shouting now, spittle flying from her inebriated lips. One of her friends tries to grab her arm but she shakes them off. People in the crowd are starting to stop and watch. “Then, THEN, he treated me like shit, saying horrible things to me just when he was mad, throwing things, scaring me!”

You feel like you can’t breathe, it’s too much information all at once. “...What? I don’t…No. no, he said he was on a delta mission–”

“Oh sweetheart,” She sneers condescendingly. “He was on a greed mission. He was retired from delta. This was like a year ago. They all wanted to get rich and robbed a fucking drug kingpin and Frankie shot innocent people to make sure he got alllllll that money. And because of that, his friend was shot and killed and his family has NO idea why. He lied to you.”

You turn to look at him, and all his friends. Everyone is silent, trying not to look up from the ground. Dali looks as bewildered as you. “Frankie…?” Tears water in your eyes and you feel like your heart is going to burst. You thought he told you it was an enlisted mission, but on top of everything else you just learned your thoughts are rushing so fast you can’t seem to remember specifics. 

Frankie can’t even look at you. And that’s how you know. 

It’s true…

“Lex. Stop.” Will’s Southern drawl cuts through the silence, the commanding officer in him coming out. “It’s over. This shit between you two has to stop. Enough.” His eyes shift to Lex’s friends, who are nodding and repeating the same thing. Lex finally allows them to pull her away muttering under her breath, sending one last glare in your direction.

The walk to the truck is silent. The ride home is a foggy blur. But the minute you step into the house, you crack. 

“Frankie please tell me all this is not true.” You can’t read him at all, his face is completely blank as he moves around you towards Gabi’s bedroom to tuck her in.

So you wait.

His hackles are already up when he comes back out.

“Frankie–”

“Yea.”

“Well?”

“Yea. It’s true. We tried to steal money from one of Pope’s cases and it backfired and Tom got shot.”

“Because of you.”

His expression changes then, from blank nothing to vicious defensive anger. “Yea. Because of me. I fucked up the flight back and we crash landed and these fuckin’ villagers were gonna take the money! And it was an accident!”

“You ‘accidentally’ shot innocent people?”

He swallows, his jaw clenching and unclenching. You can see he’s doing mental gymnastics in order to avoid accountability. 

“Did your finger slip?”

No answer. 

“Frankie. Did your finger slip on the trigger?”

You already know the answer before he says it. And somehow it’s like he morphs into a Disney villain as he says it. “No. My finger didn’t slip.”

It burns, the sharp pain in your heart that makes you feel like it’s having a seizure or forgot how to pump blood or is pumping too much blood. “How many people did you kill.”

He shrugs. “I dunno.”

“You don’t know? How can you not know?! Frankie, you told me this was your job! You- you fucking lied to me! I-I I asked you if you were hiding anything else from me and you fucking lied to me!” You can’t help your voice raising, the tears spilling out of your eyes as you realize how fucking stupid you had been. Somewhere in the background you can hear Gabi has woken and is hysterically crying. Frankie, clearly having enough, turns back towards her room. But you continue, screaming at his back. “And that’s why Tom is dead? And his family doesn’t know why?!”

Frankie doesn’t answer and suddenly you are enraged. You run behind him and shove him forward. “I’m fucking talking to you! How can you just be so fucking blase about this??? And…all that other shit???—I feel like I don’t know you at all!”

He whirls around, that furious murderous face you ‘ve seen him give others is finally directed at you. “Because you don’t!” He screams back, his teeth nash and he shoves a finger one inch from  your face. You flinch.

“Frankie, you’re scaring me.”

“I’m scaring you? Really? I thought this was your thing?” 

You blink, confused, tears stalling on your face. “Don’t–”  You plead softly.

“No, Lex is right. You’re a naive little girl who thinks she can save worthless idiots like me and live some fucking fantasy happily ever after. You won’t. You can’t. I’m unfixable.”

“How can you say that!! Frankie, I love you!

He scoffs. “I know you think you do. And I know you aren’t stupid, you told me you’ve done this before. But guess what sweetie, you aren’t better, you’re still doing it because you’re so fucking desperate for someone to love you. You don’t love me. You just want to feel like some fucking savior.”

“No! No… I didn’t, I don’t…you told me you loved me!”

“I wanted to fuck you.” His eyes are black as far, it’s like you don’t even recognize his face anymore. Lex was right. Lex was right. How…did you make all of it up in your head?

“You…You’re a fucking psycho…I feel like you emotionally manipulated me into caring for you only for you to play games with me! I specifically told you I couldn’t go through this again and you fucking did it anyway!”

“Hey, you kissed me. And you were fun to fuck, I will admit that. Let me do fucking anything. But we both knew this would happen. You set yourself up. I did shoot those villagers. I caused Tom’s death. I just wanted the fucking money. And I wanted to kill a bunch of kids too, when they got in my way. Fuckin’ teenagers and I told Pope to fucking shoot them all.  And you know what else? We went back and got all that fucking money we hid, and we are fucking swimming in it. And I didn’t share a goddamn dime with my ex. You’re right. I am a psycho, so it’s a good thing this is over. Pack your shit and leave me alone.”

“Fuck you Frankie.”

You don’t wait another moment. You don’t need to be asked twice this time. You shove him aside on your way down the hallway, doing everything you can not to let the second round of tears fall. He’d seen enough.

You slam the door of the master bedroom behind you, frantically bouncing around different points in the room to grab all your shit. When did all of this stuff even get here? Anxiety bubbles up your chest until you can’t take it anymore and say fuck it, he can just throw anything else out. I have to get out of here.

You rush back down the hallway like a speed demon, praying to whatever that he won’t be standing in the hallway still. He isn’t. He’s sitting on his couch facing away from you, his head in his hands. You hate yourself for wanting to go comfort him. He’s right…I’m

not better…

You pause on the front doorway, struggling to say what needs to be said. Don’t be weak. Don’t keep letting people do this to you over and over. “Don’t contact me.I never want to see you again.” You say to his back.

He doesn’t move a muscle, or even look at you. “You won’t.”

You were able to make it halfway across the lawn before the grief fully hit. By the time you got to your car you were gasping like you were no longer able to breathe. And the minute your car door shut you broke, a wailing sob bursting from your lips as you bury your face in your palms. 

Again. It happened again. And it’s just as crushing as every other time, except now it feels like you never healed from the others and now they are all piling on top of the other with this one as the final blow.

Why. WHY? Was there something wrong with you? Why were you never enough? Why couldn’t you make them stay? What did you do to keep having to go through this? It almost killed you last time, your eyes squeeze shut as you remember the look on your parents face as they watched you writhe on your bed screaming and crying hysterically from your latest breakup.

And why did you let yourself fall into it again, like you had never learned a goddamn thing. It was like you were masochistic, you told yourself you would never need someone again so badly, you wouldn’t enmesh yourself so fully that when it fell apart you could barely function. Your heart was once again ripped out of your chest and thrown to the floor, the cracks from before making this shattering into pieces so small you know it can’t get repaired again.

With a trembling whimper, you pull your face out of your hands and wipe your eyes, your nose. You realize you’re still sitting in Frankie’s driveway and you immediately look to see if he's at the window, concerned for you. He isn’t. You hate yourself for it but it breaks you even more. 

It’s over.

You drive home mindlessly, your Spotify on shuffle and you aren’t aware of anything else. Just get home. Just get home and then you can cry, try to move on. But you already know you won’t. 

You finally tire yourself out of tears, and you try to talk yourself up, turning up the music and chanting “it’s okay” to yourself. 

It’s Coldplay. You always liked Coldplay. 

When you're too in love to let it go

But if you never try, you'll never know

Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you…

Tears stream down your face

When you lose something you cannot replace

Tears stream down your face, and I–

You slam the on/off button so hard you actually cause the auxiliary cord to malfunction, so you rip it out of your phone and throw the damn thing on the passenger seat. You drive home in silence.

It’s dark in the lot when you arrive. You park in a spot along the side and towards the back because the lot is mostly full. The only light shining is the pole yards away, the bulb switches off and on opposite of the dark one right above you. 

You feel numb. You can still feel sticky dried tears on your face, but your ability to utter a sound is gone. You close your eyes and try to compose yourself, simply sitting in your car in the dark. You’re avoiding going upstairs, you know. You’ve pretty much been living at Frankie’s. Walking through that door would make it feel too ‘official’. You cover your face with your hands and rub the tears tracks off your raw face, and are about to take a breath and gather your shit when a THWACKING sound bursts right in your left ear.

You startle with a yelp and look out your window, prepared to tell off whoever is messing with you, but freeze when you find yourself face to face with the barrel of a gun, the only thing separating you from it is the shitty window glass on your cheap car.

»»———————►

Post A/N: Don't yell at me lol

#fix you fic #frankie morales x you #frankie morales x reader #frankie morales x fem!reader #pedro pascal x you #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal characters #pedro pascal character fanfiction #pedro pascal x fem!reader #triple frontier fanfic

[stevesbipanic]

Another great prompt from @wrenegadeone 💖

Corroded Coffin had gotten big, like national tour big, they had a bus for christsake! Eddie loves it, every night he gets to perform in front of an adoring crowd playing the music that he loves.

While Eddie loves all of his fans, it does come with a downside. He gets recognised, everywhere. He's perfectly happy to sign autographs and take pictures but it means that most people he meets are more interested in Eddie the Lead Guitarist of Corroded Coffin than Eddie, Just Eddie.

So it's refreshing when he meets Steve. Steve isn't a big metal fan and doesn't like how toxic social media is and never reads tabloids. Eddie met Steve in a little hole in the wall bar that he discovered was owned by Steve's closest friends Nancy and Robin, an adorable couple that he instantly hit it off with.

Eddie doesn't hide his musical talents from his new lover, playing him a cover of Steve's favourite song for their one month anniversary. Steve was so enamoured he asked Eddie to teach him how to play. Eddie was patient with Steve slowly showing him the chords and laughing together when he got it wrong. The lessons didn't last long but they were fun.

After three months Eddie came clean about his stardom not wanting to wait to have to tell Steve when he went on tour again at the end of the year. Steve didn't seem to care and still treated Eddie the same. After 6 months the two men moved in together, tired of jumping from one apartment to another and it meant Eddie wasn't paying rent while he was on tour.

One day, close to dating for 8 months, Eddie comes home to music coming from the bedroom. It sounded like Eddie's acoustic which rarely got taken out of storage. He cracked open the door and there on the bed was Steve, playing a beautiful acoustic that definitely wasn't Eddie's. Eddie tried to tell what song Steve was playing but didn't recognise it.

"You learnt how to play?"

Steve stops playing abruptly looking wide eyed at Eddie.

"Um, Hellfire end early?"

"Ah yeah, yeah it did. Stevie why didn't you tell me you were taking lessons, I wouldn't have been offended you know."

"Well, because I wasn't? I um, I already knew how to play?"

"You already knew how to play? Why didn't you tell me, why was I teaching you?" Eddie laughs.

"Because you looked so cute trying to teach me and I wanted to spend more time with you."

"Aw sweetheart, that's adorable. What're you playing anyway? I didn't recognise it. Also where have you been hiding this guitar?"

"That's something else I should come clean about, the guitar well it's been stashed at Robin's most of the time but I needed to record my new songs and her acoustics are terrible."

"You wrote that song?"

"Yeah, I've actually been writing songs for awhile, ever heard of Bat King?"

"Ah yeah... The guy that anonymously posts his shit in Spotify, it's really good stuff. Wait, no fuck Steve you're Bat King?"

"Suprise?" Steve says weakly.

"Baby your music is incredible, why didn't you tell me?"

"Well you know how people can be, same reason you didn't tell me about Corroded Coffin, I knew by the way, I don't live under a rock, Eds"

"I love you, Stevie. Finish your song, I'd love to hear it."

Eddie discovers that a lot of Steve's most recent songs are about him but he's written a whole album worth of songs about Steve for his next tour so he supposes they're even.

#i struggled for a singer name for steve lol #this was fun to write tho #stranger things #steve harrington #eddie munson #steddie #ficlet #rockstar eddie munson #musician steve harrington

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 1/9/2024

the BEAST (phil) has been SPAYED

listening

my sister ALSO, INDPENDENTLY, keeps tuesdayesqe lists in the back of her planner! which is what i used to do before these posts! You Got A Man by JAWNY is off her 2023 playlist. this philly artist's claim to fame seems to be that he dated doja cat for six months? the song is short, bratty, and fun indie/alt not-quite-rap. i have no knowledge of how much the man overlaps with the song. spotify

-

reading

ive never watched supernatural, except by osmosis bc i signed up for this website in 2011. this book is what i imagine people say when they say "what if supernatural was good?"

Rebecca Roanhorse's Trail of Lightning (her debut) and Storm of Locusts takes Maggie, a typical lone hero/monster hunter/horrible bitch of a woman (i say this approvingly) and says listen! you can do way sicker shit if you like. accept help and community and have a support system. it does not read like booktok found family or approach this in the typical fanfic way, which is refreshing. it points out that you will be a much longer lived and successful monster hunter this way. this is optimization, if you really look at it.

most postapoc stuff doesn’t contend with the fact (if it even acknowledges indigenous people at all) that indigenous people have already lived through several colonizing apocalypses. these books make a very sharp point that there is not a tremendous amount of difference between the reservation before the apocalypse and the reservation after the apocalypse. the worldbuilding in these is a interesting spin on sea levels plus the Energy Wars, to keep all of that at arms' length the Diné built a magical and physical wall, which i think is a funny spin on the trump border wall.

neither of them are really romance or kissing books, there is romantic interest but they are kept extremely busy not dying and admiring each other's competence. they are action and gore heavy. this is notable bc the books are fairly short (took me about two and a half hours each) and they have pretty fuckin good action scenes! the first book has an underground club and fight ring run by a cat god: club atmosphere was terrific (there's a bit about them having to drag in hastily camouflaged cheap walmart tables to handle some overflow and i instantly knew exactly the table), it had a dress up scene I was very weak to. i thought the series of events by which they ended up at the big boss battle post-club was kind of stupid but (forgivably) the big boss battle was quite enjoyable. figuring out what to do with your life next when you’re highly trained for a very specific thing but also not trained enough to be a serious danger and were set up to fail was extremely compelling to me, an astronomy major who cannot actually work in astronomy.

second book really hits its stride and (girl who has only played fallout voice) feels very fallout-y. desperate quest to save a loved one. girls' trip through a bunch of weird places with a bunch of weird guys. there's a lot of references that play with tone without ever going HEY REMEMBER THIS OTHER WORK YOU COULD GO LOOK AT RIGHT NOW? there’s a plane and a weird guy that made me think of mad max thunderdome, except the weird guy is his own character and has his own arc. there’s a weird grandpa on a boat who i don't think is a reference at all, except maybe to the timeless genre of weird grandpas on boats. there’s a sentient casino trapping people inside that reminded me of the new vegas dead money expansion, except Maggie barely steps inside bc she immediately gets caught up in a day-long battle of wits against the god of gambling. Maggie is a little more settled in her own skin now that she’s regularly talking to other people and has rejoined her community in her own small ways on her own terms and it HAS made her a much more successful monster hunter. the dialogue is snappier, the action scenes are more elaborate and smoothly choreographed. it's nice to watch an author grow so quickly (from this is serviceable to oh SHIT this is fun) over the course of a duology :) this feels like it was meant to be a trilogy but this book came out in 2019 so i am not holding my breath. it has a nice solid endpoint right here imo.

past sexual violence is sort of orbited around but no sexual violence is actually depicted, which i appreciate as a woman trying to enjoy postapoc.

libby has a very helpful Indigenous Voices category/reading guide/thing. thank u libby now i want to read everything else she's ever written

-

watching

saw a piece of fanart i cannot find now for the three minute short PUPARIA by Shingo Tamagawa.

Something is about to change drastically. We can only be witnesses to it.

it's a weird and stunningly beautiful little thing i am still worrying at like a dog with a peanut butter kong. if you have a thing about eyes or clusters of round shapes this is NOT the three minute short for you btw

-

playing

the free epic game was the Eidos Montreal Guardians of the Galaxy game, and since i am allergic to dead moms i will not be playing it. widely reviewed as "good writing, but not very much fun to actually play" so i don't feel like i'm missing out on too much.

i have no good story to tell about my time with genshin this week. we're aiming for "can i turn my brain off for forty minutes in the evening" and grinding a lot of one specific boss while listening to podcasts does seem to be enough to turn my brain off.

-

making

i have been frantically deep cleaning (including soaking the office in enzymatic cleaner [thanks phil]) bc my siblings are coming to town for a couple days and despite several setbacks (a completely different arrival time than the one they told me) and absolutely no sense of an itinerary we will be fine! we will all be fine and have fun! i will be SO fine and calm and chill and we will all have some fucking fun so help us god

ALSO also phil has finally been spayed and is now dealing with four separate issues: the giant wound still on her side, the spay incision, the necrotic abscess in her mouth from going too hard on a springy toy, and being underweight from trying to heal three things at once. we'll get there! we'll get there. it's just taking a while. we are going to have friday afternoon vet visits every week for the foreseeable future.

i love her so much and i'm glad she's feeling better but i genuinely think owning a horse would be cheaper than owning this one wonky cat. they shaved SO much of her tummy she looks even sillier than usual.

other than being Very Alert for the persistent little orange tomcat that keeps hopping up on my windowsill, mackie is doing fine. no concept of the fact that my siblings are going to pick her up more in two days than she gets picked up in a whole month. this is a girl that likes her feet on the ground thanks much

#tuesday again #tuesday again no problem #Youtube

[a-singing-carebear]

Yes, I know I’m a bit late for the party but anyway-

It's that time of year again which means… my Spotify ships wrapped tradition is back!! This! This was the year of the ships, the year of love! So many shows, so many couples, but some triumphed above the rest (and just like last time – I'm bending the rules for a top 10):

I… I still can’t fucking believe S2 existed, AAAAHHH???

Yes, I've read Song of Achilles, yes I've read the Iliad, yes I've played Hades – Yes, they are so in love and I love them so much!!

After 4 months already, how are we holding up guys???

They were always a shippable ship that I liked, but this season? This fucking season?! Listen! Everything that happened I cried and screamed!

I've been playing too much Hades (yes… there isn't really a good fic)

I Love them I love them I love them – and they love each other so MUCH!

The first f\m ship ever in here – and they deserve it!!

How?? How is their relationship the most wholesome and healthy in all of HELL??? I LOVE THEM

I’m not crying (I had a ton of emotion about these two idiots to write before and right when I finish making the list THAT song fucking drops!!!)

I bought the ticket to venture with this ship SO fast!!

Honorable mentions: -Love Letters: Aeor is for lovers, and I love my stupid robots! -Ganymede & Zeus: I can in good conscience not mention them - writing a toxic fanfic about the two most of the year has earned them at least that (THIS IS NOT A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP. THIS IS BAD AND ABUSIVE)

*can you see Greek Mythology has retaken my life?

#ships #my ships #spotify wrapped #2023 wrapped #my edit #i may have gone too far #so so many canons #blackstede #patrochilles #ineffable husbands #bakudeku #thanmegzag #imodna #odypen #fizzmodeus #stolitz #limoreau

[sollucets]

@tiistirtipii said do a tag game! yes boss [salutes]

i have done this tag before, but it was a while ago, so fresh new information coming right up. and so much of it. this is ur warning again that i never shut the fuck up

Three ships

1) akkaye (theyre on the brain. no one is surprised)

2) heart & li ming (newest addition. favorite thing about mlc)

3) asoryuu (from dgs. around this time two years ago they were the only thought in my brain and i was rereading old journals and thinking about kazuma dreamily the other day)

First ever ship

the real answer is contestshipping, may/drew from pokemon, but as it pertains to ql shows the answer is semantic error jaeyoung/sangwoo (i got into bl because of dkz jaechan. it's his fault.)

Last Song

when i opened spotify it was playing MIRROR MIRROR by milli, f.hero and changbin

Last movie

i watched 'a knight's tale' with my brother when he came to visit me last month. it was for sure a movie, heath ledger was a pretty pretty boy, i liked the soundtrack gimmick

Currently Reading

i am not actively in the middle of anything right now., so i'll use this space to recommend some stuff >:) the last book i read was terry pratchett's 'i shall wear midnight' as i am still sort of, kind of, working on my full discworld re/read from 2021 lmao. it's so fucking good i've loved tiffany my whole life.

a fanfic i am patiently waiting for the next update of is the extremely excellent "sunrise, sunset" by otterlylost (akkayan time loop au fic, mind the tags but like. read it!!!! read it i'm begging). another small rec for "a shirt to make him shiver" by kiranokira (who uses tumblr at user broccolination) which is an Extremely Funny winteam fic about crop tops and unbridled lust

Currently Watching

each week i do my very best to keep up with my school president, never let me go, the warp effect, GAP, and now also moonlight chicken [cries] i do not always succeed

Currently Consuming

i have a weird strawberries & cream flavor of dr pepper given to me by my coworker. it's pretty good

Currently Craving

i want only friends. i want it now. p l e a s e.

i'd also be fine with like a chicken sandwich? yeah that sounds good

+

most of my rasmr mutuals have absolutely done this tag already, and my fledgling status as a person who has ql mutuals means that theyve either been tagged recently or i Fear To Interact, so i will (like a coward!) leave this untagged, but if you want to play i love and support you and will read it if you tag me

#i am also envious of your bagel tiis! #i looked up the plot of 'tar' and although i am a little baby and probably won't watch i Love the last sentence of the summary #incredible #rowan lore #rowan chatter #thank you for thinking of me :')

[androidboy]

Ive been listening to the Conventional Weapons on repeat - what's the MCRmy lore with those? Spotify puts them as 5 different singles releases which is kind of annoying for how I like to listen to most music (as a whole album in order) but ever since I found them they've been my favorite MCR songs

i remember around that time there was already a bit of weirdness with the band. i think the danger days tour had ended, no talk of new albums, things had seemed a little tense and then they announced they were releasing conventional weapons which was an album they had made after the black parade, before danger days. they were doing vinyl and digital single releases which is why they come in twos- a sides and b sides, and i think they were doing one release every other week? everyone was like oh phew look at that new music everything’s ok :) and then the month after the last release mcr broke up so it ended up feeling like a goodbye

i think the reason they said they scrapped it was because it was made in a weird headspace and didn’t land in a way that would show them really moving on from the black parade but they were proud of what they made and wanted people to get to listen to it. a couple songs that were written for conventional weapons became danger days songs under different titles. the world is ugly was sung at a couple black parade concerts and had been one of the beloved rare songs that never got recorded like sister to sleep and stay so it was a very big deal when that was released but tbh after having listened to the live version for years im still a lil disappointed with the cw version

and since we are on the topic, i am in full belief mcr has an album they’re waiting to release and that it has sister to sleep on it bc WHY did they play it at the last show

#riotbeankai #ask

[chanstopher]

I resisted most kpop and all kpop fandom for a very long time 😆

I got into visual kei in high school (2007 ish) and one of my online friends also listened to some. She got me into J dramas, from where I got into KAT-TUN in 2010. She also watched K dramas and listened to kpop and she sent me some, but not being able to sing along by ear or through romanized lyrics frustrated me since I'd been able to do that with Japanese since I first listened to anime openings and such in middle school. I did listen to some 2ne1 and Big Bang, but mainly Japanese releases since at that point I was studying Japanese and reaching conversational fluency.

After college she and I mostly fell out of touch, KAT-TUN had slowed down after losing a member in 2013 and then another later, LiveJournal got taken over by a Russian "news" company, so all my sources of music and drama torrents were gone, the two main VK bands I listened two took hiatuses or had record company issues (one came back, the other eventually broke up), and so I was back to mostly listening to top 40 radio.

At some point, I got suggested a "reacts to kpop" video on YouTube, and I was like, "I wonder if I'll even recognize and of these groups." The answer was no, I did not, but one if the songs was Blackpink's Whistle, and I was like, "damn, this song is fun," so I started listening to them. I still didnt keep up with anything beyond just their music (and still dont), but it got some kpop on my radar again.

Then I went to Holiday Matsuri in 2021 and went to the hottest men in anime show, which is a men's burlesque contest. The winning act performed to God's Menu and Lisa's Money, two bangers that I hadn't heard because I wasn't actively paying attention to new music. I went and looked them up and played a Spotify kpop playlist the whole 6 hours drive home to add new songs to my library, but I still didn't look up any groups. I continued like that for about a year, just liking individual songs. Then, around when Time Out came out, something made me look up the Stray Kids youtube. I had watched the God's Menu video that first night I heard the song, but I didn't watch anything else. I subscribed to the channel that time, but u still didn't dive into the music videos or add a bunch to my library. Its like part of my brain new I'd not crawl out of that hole and it wasn't the right time for it lol

Finally, late August of last year, I let myself watch the music videos and listen to full albums. Then I resisted any additional content outside of "making of" videos for another month (which is a while for a disabled person with nothing to do but consume content).

Now, here I am. Awash in the swamp. Watching Han and Chan and understanding nothing 🤣

Thankfully I had already planned to learn some Korean since its the third most common language where I live and I had started watching kdramas, but its hard! I still have some bias to Japanese releases for that reason 😆 but it does vary by song since some don't fit/match rhythmically to the Korean versions as nicely as others. Hopefully I'll get there with Korean. I have to remember I have decades of familiarity with the sounds and basics of Japanese compared to very little familiarity with Korean.

this is a wholeeee journey u did not take the easels to mordor lmao but omg i’m learning so much about how things were found in the 00’s and 10’s when i was content to go to warped tour and never be online lmao but this journey feels educational with all the stuff u were into! and ur bias for japanese releases is understandable especially jyp groups they just hit different so i can understand having spent all that time learning japanese and being into japanese culture would only add to the fondness for them! your will power to get into skz so slowly is amazing I don’t know if i’ve ever done such a good job of avoiding diving straight into something the second i found a part of it i liked, but alas we all end up in the skz swamp one way or another lmao

#drm.ask #the2amrevolution #long post

[desertsquiet]

Album of the month - August 2022: Dublin Blues - Guy Clark

The title track of this album first started sneaking around in my daily shuffle quite a long time ago. When I was still on Spotify, that is, and I was much more used to just let the alghoritmn take me on a random journey from time to time. I loved it right away, with its peaceful yet desperate vibe and the way it ironically blends European “high art” with “simple”, every day life pleasures typical of the state he was born in, with music obviously being at the center of it, a theme that is very dear to my heart: “I have seen the David, mmm/I've seen the Mona Lisa too/And I have heard Doc Watson/Play "Columbus Stockade Blues". This was soon after I’d first discovered Guy Clark’s music, with two amazing records that absolutely blew me away on first listen. His second, Texas Cookin’, and especially his debut, Old N.1. After that, however, I feared he might suffer from the stellar debut syndrome, as in those artists that were able to so completely blow me away with their first album(s) - or the first I heard - there was no way another album of theirs could capture my imagination quite as well. Yet about 9 months later, his 1995 release Dublin Blues was thankfully able to prove me wrong.

Guy Clark is an impossibly underrated and overlooked songwriter, one so obsessed with the most meticulous aspects of the craft of songwriting (without ever losing sight of autenticity) that when it comes to his best material, he really can do no wrong. There’s nothing even resembling a filler track on this album, not even a word or a line out of place, just 10 wonderful songs that like only the best country music can do, make simplicity feel so very complex and in depth. I’m completely in love with the way it sounds, too, (definitely his most cohesive sounding record since Old N.1), but what drew me in most of all was the realness and honesty both of the lyrics and the performance. He’s always been very much an instinctive singer, not so much concerned with the technical aspect of it, more as a way to fully convey his unique personality. The way he half sings half talks his way through songs, the way he starts laughing or humming mid sentence, or strongly emphasizes every little Texan inflection. Every song really seems to scream “this is who I am”, but never in an arrogant way. He’s also just pouring his heart out left and right. He puts it all on the table and there’s no chance you won’t have a clear idea of who Guy Clark was at the end of this album.

Picking favorites from it is an incredibly hard task, but the way he confesses his endless devotion to everything and everybody that is already part of his life and he intends to keep around in Stuff That Works is constantly moving to me: “I got a woman I love, she's crazy, paints like God/She's got a playground sense of justice, she won't take odds/I got a tattoo with her name right through my soul/I think everything she touches turns to gold”. As well as the impossibly humble and heartfelt love declaration of Trying to Try, where he realizes the only promise he can keep is that he’ll never stop trying to make things better for himself and the woman he loves and that’s a promise he will never break no matter what happens. I could keep naming songs from it, because they seriously are all amazing. I hope whoever reads this decides to give this album (or other Guy albums) a shot because the truth is he deserves a lot more attention. He’s one of the finest songwriters you can hope to hear.

#a little late but whatever lol #album of the month #dublin blues #guy clark #susanna clark #outlaw country

[survey--s]

453.

What were you doing at 10:30 this morning?: I was down on the beach walking Bobby and Bailey - we must have been on our way back through the dunes at that point.

Is there anyone else in the room with you?: Just Toby who's asleep next to me on the sofa.

If you married the last male you spoke to, what would your initials be?: The same as they are now because we're already married.

What did you have for lunch today?: Leftover vegetable soup with a tortilla wrap, and an apple.

In your phone, who is the first contact listed under ‘L’?: My father-in-law.

How old is he/she?: He was 79 last month.

What colour are your father’s eyes?: He has really, really pale, clear blue eyes.

Was your last Facebook friend requests from a male or female?: Uh, female. A lady from a beagle group I'm a member of.

What’s the 9th song on your iTunes “Recently Played” list?: I use Spotify and I don’t think it works that way.

What colour are the eyes of the last male you text messaged?: He has green/grey coloured eyes.

Who is the first contact in your phone? What colour is his/her hair?: Anne, and I have no idea as we've never met lol. She's an emergency contact for Monty - who's a horse I look after.

How many tracks were on the last album you listened to?: Sixteen, including some remixes.

Which one of your relatives is most likely to embarrass you?: None of them nowadays, but my dad used to mortify me as a teenager when he turned up in all his running gear LOL.

Is there a song you can listen to over and over and never get fed up of it?: Nope. I get bored of them all eventually.

Do you have a friend whose name begins with H’? Describe him/her.: I'll go with Hannah I guess - we're not very close now but we used to work together until she left to have a baby. She's very pretty - brown hair and eyes, has a little girl and a dog and lives with her partner and I think she's currently an Estate Agent.

Are there any songs in your iTunes library that you’ve never listened to?: I'm sure I've downloaded stuff on Spotify that I've never listened to.

So, how are you? Is there anything wrong?: I'm pretty good but I do have a little bit of a headache.

How do you handle awkward situations?: It depends on the situation.

Who is the most intelligent person you know?: My dad, for sure.

Who was the last female you were introduced to?: Honestly, I have absolutely no idea.

What was your first impression of her?: ...

Who was the last male you were introduced to?: No idea.

What was your first impression of him?: -----

Name one of your favourite foods that starts with the letter 'F’. Fries.

Do you have a close friend of the opposite sex?: Yeah, my husband.

Would you ever consider being more than friends with them?: Well, yeah, we're married lol.

Who is the 8th contact in your phone? Is he/she in a relationship?: Cath, and yes, she's married with two grown-up children and two grandchildren.

If you could travel back in time, which year would you go to?: Whatever year The Beatles were huge so I could see them in concert.

When was the last time you made a sandwich? What did you put on it?: Yesterday - and it was just turkey and cream cheese.

What were you like as a 12 year old?: An annoying, bratty pre-teen.

What colour are the eyes of the last female you text messaged?: I think she has brown eyes but I could be totally wrong.

When you woke up this morning, what kind of mood were you in?: Surprisingly energetic considering it was only just gone 6am.

Are you hungry? Craving any food in particular?: Not really, but I'm having pasta with peas and pesto for dinner.

In the past week, how many times have you cried?: Zero.

On a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being amazing), how good is life atm?: Uhh, about an eight?

#survey #surveys

[newmusickarl]

New Year, New Music - Welcome to 2024!

2024 is here and we have been spoilt with an avalanche of great new albums and tracks already in January. From early Album of the Year shouts to month-defining grooves, as ever I’ve tried to cover as much as possible.

Of course, some of the month’s biggest releases will be covered in the upcoming new episode of the 5-9 Album of the Month Podcast. For those new here, this is where I take a seat alongside 5-9 Editor Andrew Belt and Check This Out’s Kiley Larsen to review five high profile album releases from the past month in music, and ultimately name one as our Album of the Month at the end of the discussion.

For our first episode of 2024, the five albums we will be discussing are:

Sadness Sets Me Free by Gruff Rhys (poll winner, thanks for voting!)

Big Sigh by Marika Hackman

MADRA by NewDad

Wall of Eyes by The Smile

Three Bells by Ty Segall

If you want to listen to this or any previous episodes on Spotify simply click the link below, but also be sure to follow 5-9 Blog on Instagram and Twitter for more news and polls relating to the podcast, along with other great content like film reviews, sports articles and more.

Listen to the 2023 Album of the Year special episode here

Album & EP Recommendations

Prelude To Ecstasy by The Last Dinner Party

Hype. Hype. Hype.

It’s funny, in recent memory anything that has been overhyped musically hasn’t really landed with me. Rock duo Wet Leg were being billed as a revelation and the best thing since sliced bread, but what I found was a very average band making, to me, overly repetitive music. Supergroup trio Boygenius were then one of my most anticipated records of last year, going on to receive universal acclaim as the best album of 2023. Sadly, I thought it was a good rather than great album and, in the end, it didn’t even make my Top 50 for the year. It seems over-expectation can be a curse and if there’s one band carrying that with them right now, it’s London-based quintet The Last Dinner Party.

In just three years, The Last Dinner Party have gone from forming to being signed to Island Records, to then playing talk shows around the globe and winning both the Brits Rising Star award and the BBC’s Sound of 2024 poll. Such is their meteoric rise to fame, there is constant talk of them being an “industry plant” – which of course is all absolute rubbish. But this type of extreme hype, scrutiny and expectation would be too much for any band right now to live up to – except The Last Dinner Party.

The singles in the build-up to this, the release of their debut album Prelude to Ecstasy, made it obviously clear that The Last Dinner Party were well worthy of all the attention they were receiving. Art-rock and baroque pop bangers packed with jaw-dropping vocals, scintillating guitar riffs, poetic lyrics rooted in feminism and, of course, their own captivating energy. So, I went into this album expecting greatness and I’m incredibly pleased to say, that is exactly what I found. Make no bones about it – Prelude To Ecstasy is a generational debut album that is truly exceptional in every way.

From the moment the grand orchestration of the opening title track greets your ears, you are pulled into Last Dinner Party’s stylish, richly-textured world. Burn Alive then cranks things up several gears, with singles Caesar on a TV Screen and On Your Side also carrying the momentum. Beautiful Boy is then a real standout, a gorgeous ballad about male privilege split into two parts that closes out a strong first half.

But as the album title would suggest, the first half is merely the build towards the triumphant grand finale and the stretch of six songs that make up the second half is a truly glorious crescendo. From the dramatic transition from Gjuha into Sinner, the towering guitars of Portrait of a Dead Girl and then the fist-in-the-air elation of the anthemic Nothing Matters, it pushes the album into masterclass territory. Closing track Mirror then brings everything full circle, pulling together all the elements that have made the previous 11 tracks so utterly engaging and life-affirming.

This debut from The Last Dinner Party really feels like a moment for British music, with the only thing I feel it is akin to is that of the Arctic Monkeys some 20 years ago, or Oasis another decade before that. Like it or not, The Last Dinner Party are the future of British rock music and they’ve made one hell of a statement as to why they are the chosen ones. So, stop with the industry plant nonsense and just give them and this album all the praise in the world – they deserve it.

Listen here

Saviors by Green Day

Let me start by saying that pop-punk legends Green Day were one of my first musical loves. As a teenager I discovered them through their “Best of” compilation International Superhits, before then diving through the rest of their catalogue. Then when their political rock opera American Idiot came out, that changed everything – to my teenage self along with my close groups of friends, it was a lightning bolt. So much so, our parents hired a van to take us down to Milton Keynes Bowl to see them in the Summer of 2005 – my first ever live show and still to this day, one of the best.

Sadly though like all first loves, Green Day kind of came and went. Follow-up album 21st Century Breakdown had its moments but ultimately didn’t hit quite like its predecessor and by the time triple album ¡Uno! ¡Dos! ¡Tre! dropped, I was over them altogether. However, I have still kept tabs on them since, dipping into each new record as it has come along but not getting particularly moved by what I have found. But when I read some reviews for Saviors and the record being described as “a return to form” and “their best since American Idiot”, I had to dive in to see if this was true. Whilst by no means on the level of their earlier work, I’m pleased to say that both those statements were indeed true.

If like me Green Day are prone to give you a nostalgia hit, then there will be plenty to enjoy with Saviors. The opening run of songs is particularly good fun, with opener The American Dream Is Killing Me playing out like a lost cut from American Idiot before Look Ma, No Brains! delivers a rip-roaring slice of punk. The next group of tracks are then the best on the whole record, from the angsty waltz of Bobby Sox to the rifftastic One Eyed Bastard, through to the melancholic rock of Dilemma and the nostalgia-soaked sounds of 1981. Honestly, I’m as surprised as you that Green Day could sound this good in 2024.

That said, at 15 tracks long the album does lose a bit of momentum around the midway mark, with the trio continuing to walk well-trodden ground but to less effect. However, they do pull it back somewhat in the final stretch, with the short, sharp and punchy Living in the ‘20s, the anthemic title track and the bluesy Fancy Sauce.

By no means perfect, it’s still great to hear Green Day deliver a solid effort again after all this time. With plenty of enjoyable moments, lots of fun riffs and a warm fuzzy feeling of nostalgia, this was January’s big surprise package for me, and one I was happy to receive.

Listen here

Letter To Self by Sprints

What was it I was saying earlier about hype?

One of the most talked about albums of the month, you couldn’t escape the buzz around this debut from Dublin-based, garage-punk outfit Sprints. With near universal acclaim and more than a few “early Album of the Year contender” shouts from the music press, I went into this one with a heap of expectation. Like a lot of records hyped up to the moon over the last few years, it was another that left me lukewarm on the first couple of plays. However, with the expectation then removed, I eventually started to see this Sprints record for what it is – a decent, albeit not groundbreaking, debut from a promising young band.

Everything that’s great about Sprints is served up in opening track Ticking, with Karla Chubb’s angsty howls and ominous guitar play the quartet’s driving force. From there it is pretty much more of the same with the band propelled by a relentless energy that lands their songs somewhere between The Mysterines and their Irish compatriots in Fontaines D.C. and The Murder Capital. However, when they breakaway from their core sound that’s where the highlights come for me, such as the whirring acoustic strums of Shaking Their Hands and the poetic rhythms of Literary Mind.

With a frantic pace and a runtime of just over 30 minutes, it’s a record that is over before you know it and, given time, leaves you wanting to return back to hear it again. An album I’m sure will hit hard in a live setting, whilst I don’t love this record like I know some fans and critics do, it has left me keen to see where the quartet go next.

Listen here

Iechyd Da by Bill Ryder Jones

Another record that hasn’t been short on praise this month has been the fifth solo album from Bill Ryder-Jones. Like his previous work, this is another album that leaves me slightly conflicted, as there are indeed moments of outstanding beauty scattered within, but there are also moments which can tend to drag. That said, whilst it hasn’t completely won me over, I can more than see why many have been fully captured by it, with beautiful songs like the string-tinged If Tomorrow Starts Without Me, the soaring slow march of This Can’t Go On and the radiant majesty of Thankfully for Anthony.

At times a towering work of genius and at others simply stuck in the mud, the positives ultimately outweigh the negatives and when Iechyd Da hits, it hits harder than anything released this year thus far.

Listen here

American Dream by 21 Savage

Enjoyable rap records have sadly become a bit of rarity in recent years, but thankfully January has already gifted me two that I have had fun spinning. First-up is the third album from British-American rapper 21 Savage, who has delivered a captivating new autobiographical project that coincides with an upcoming biopic starring Donald Glover and Stranger Things’ Caleb McLaughlin. With guest appearances from the likes of Doja Cat, Travis Scott and Metro Boomin, Savage tells his tale as only he can, with honesty and clarity. There’s plenty of highlights too such as The Shining-inspired single redrum, the ominous strum of trap-groove pop ur shit and soulful closing track dark days.

Listen here

All Is Yellow by Lyrical Lemonade

A project that has been met with a universal shrug of “meh” by music critics, this compilation from Cole Bennett, director and founder of Lyrical Lemonade, I actually found to be quite fun. With a superstar guestlist including Eminem, Kid Cudi, Dave, Denzel Curry, Jack Harlow and more, it’s not a groundbreaking hip-hop project by any means, but it is an enjoyable listen on an entirely superficial level. Highlights include the dreamy and melodic Gus Dapperton, Lil Yachty & Joey Bada$$ collaboration Fallout and the Blink-182 sampling Hello There. This album won’t shake you to your core but if you simply want a non-taxing hip-hop record, you can do much worse than this one.  

Listen here

People Who Aren’t There Anymore by Future Islands

One of my most anticipated records of the year thus far, Baltimore synth-pop outfit Future Islands served up their incredible seventh studio album, People Who Aren’t There Anymore, and I’m pleased to say it delivered on its early promise. Playing out almost like a greatest hits record at times, the more I spin it the more I think its quickly becoming my favourite record of theirs – which given their discography is saying something! Here’s what I said in my review for Clash:

“Whilst ‘People Who Aren’t There Anymore’ ultimately isn’t an album that breaks the Future Islands mould, it’s hard to hold that against them. This is their sound, and they prove here they can still do it better than any of their peers. And whilst the sonic evolution from their previous work may only be subtle shifts, the biggest change comes with the band leaning on personal stories this time around rather than more observational lyricism. Most importantly though Future Islands’ fans will find plenty to love with this album, with some of the songs here already instant favourites and others feeling like some of the best, most fully realised of their career thus far.”

Read my full review for Clash Magazine here

Listen to the album here

Birth of Omni by Birthmark

Quite fittingly, my first review of 2024 was a new project from one of the artists who made the standout record of my 2023. Indeed, the last time I was sat writing about Nate Kinsella’s musical output was only last month - when I was naming his album Lies, created alongside his cousin and American Football bandmate, Mike Kinsella, my Album of the Year for 2023.

Now back with his fifth solo album under his Birthmark guise, Nate has delivered yet another sonically adventurous record - one that primarily explores and reflects on his journey into fatherhood. Here’s what I said in my review for 5-9:

“Much like his recent work as LIES, Birth of Omni is a playful yet challenging listen - one that requires attention and patience in order for its full splendour to be revealed. But granted time, you may just find yourself mesmerised by Nate’s kaleidoscopic world, where his vocals frequently shapeshift from the demonic to the divine thanks to some trippy vocal distortion…

…You do get the impression that the primary audience for this album is Nate himself, which will no doubt turn off some listeners. But to any parents out there who may find themselves in Nate’s shoes, sharing some of the emotions he presents here, or indeed anyone simply interested in hearing him relay his parental journey in his own uniquely artistic way, you will find your patience greatly rewarded.”

Read my full review for 5-9 here

Listen to the album here

The King of Misery by Daudi Matsiko

As someone who sees himself as a champion for the thriving Nottingham music scene, I felt slightly embarrassed that British-Ugandan folk artist Daudi Matsiko was able to fly under my radar for so long. However, there is no escaping the understated beauty of his incredible debut The King of Misery, with LeftLion Music editor Gemma Cockrell summing it up perfectly in her review for 5-9:

“With the threat of AI taking over the music industry seeming more real as time goes on, The King Of Misery is as human as music gets. When listening to the album, you can imagine Matsiko recording each of these instruments and layering them with one another in a way that only a human being could achieve, and the emotion within his lyrics and delivery is something that no machine or robot could ever mimic or impersonate effectively.

The sadness, the despair, the hopelessness, the guilt; but also, the joy, the beauty, the gratitude and the hope, as it gradually begins to outweigh the darkness: The King Of Misery is a celebration of everything that it means to be human.”

Read Gemma’s full review for 5-9 here

Listen to the album here

Also worth checking out: How To Disappear by Casey, Little Rope by Sleater-Kinney, Everybody Can’t Go by Benny The Butcher, Plastic Death by Glass Beach

Tracks of the Month

Kool-Aid by Bring Me The Horizon

The biggest musical moment for me this month, and I’m sure lots of other music fans across the UK, was catching Yorkshire metal heroes Bring Me The Horizon on their massive arena tour.

A true spectacle from start to finish, it was a show filled with huge anthems and top tier production that combined to make for one of the best arena gigs I’ve ever seen. But just prior to that, Bring Me released their first new music since the shock exit of band composer, Jordan Fish. The good news is Kool-Aid is as great as anything they’ve released in recent memory, hopefully signifying that the band will continue to be just fine without him going forward.

Listen here

Just Another Rainbow by Liam Gallagher & John Squire

A collaboration made in 90s Madchester dreams. Legends Liam Gallagher and John Squire have announced they will be releasing a self-titled album as a duo on the 1st March and its sent indie-heads both young and old into a frenzy. Hearing the first track its easy to see why, with Liam Gallagher’s signature vocals sounding just blissful against Squire’s psychedelic guitar passages, with the latter fully stealing the show on this first taste of the new project.

Listen here

One Night/All Night by Justice & Tame Impala

Another huge collaboration, electronic icons Justice returned this month with news that their new album Hyperdrama will be dropping at the end of April, ahead of some huge festival appearances this summer. If that wasn’t big enough, the first taste of the new album features none other than Tame Impala, with Kevin Parker’s vocals lifting the track into a hazy cloud of paradise.

Listen here

Hunger Games by Bob Vylan

Expectations for grime-punk duo Bob Vylan’s forthcoming third album, Humble as the Sun, are only growing with each new single. With the first part of their latest release Hunger Games dealing with the current the economic crisis, before a self-worth affirming spoken word passage during the song’s outro, it’s starting to look like Bobby and Bobbie might just be about to drop their best record yet.

Listen here

Gift Horse by IDLES

Another punk outfit looking similarly set up to release their best album yet, IDLES release the highly anticipated TANGK in just a few weeks, which frontman Joe Talbot has described as their “Love” record. Latest single Gift Horse is yet another belter, with its clanging guitar riffs and Joe’s primal cries of “LOOK AT HIM GOOOOO!”

Listen here

We Make Hits by Yard Act

When post-punkers Yard Act released electronic epic The Trench Coat Museum last year, it looked like a change in direction may be on the cards. However, with news that the song wouldn’t feature on upcoming album Where’s My Utopia and the singles from that record sounding more in line with their traditional sound, these feelings were quickly dashed. It seems though that this may have been premature and some experimentation may still be on the cards, as We Make Hits is a left curve that’s also a catchy and joyous ode to friendship.

Listen here

The End of the Contender by Everything Everything

A band seemingly in the best creative patch of their already stellar career, Manchester indie-outfit Everything Everything are busy prepping for the release of their seventh studio album Mountainhead, which will be their third in four years. Now latest single The End of the Contender might just be the most hook-laden track from the record thus far, flush with infectious melodies and shimmering synths.

Listen here

Angel Face by Oscar & The Wolf

When Belgian pop sensation Max Colombie shared photos of his bruised and scarred face on Instagram, concern from his fanbase instantly arose. However, Max would later reveal that he was simply ready to share details of the darkest period of his life, channelling it into new single – Angel Face. A glistening, instantly catchy pop anthem, it’s a tale of sadness and heartbreak that just about overcomes its overwhelming production. Here’s hoping we get an acoustic version of the song too in the near future.

Listen here

Losing My Grip by Enter Shikari & Fever 333

With their massive arena tour kicking off later this week, genre-defying metal outfit Enter Shikari have dropped their latest banger to give themselves a further setlist headache. Featuring Fever 333 who will support them on the upcoming tour, it features a filthy Prodigy-esque beat whilst frontman Rou Reynolds takes no prisoners as he screams “I THINK I’M LOSING MY GRIP” alongside Fever 333’s Jason Aalon Butler.

Listen here

Burning Down The House by Paramore

Finishing this month’s roundup with a trio of exceptional covers, with the first one seeing Paramore take-on Talking Heads’ classic Burning Down The House, staying faithful whilst also putting their own slight spin on the track. Taken from a forthcoming tribute album to Stop Making Sense to mark its 40th anniversary, the project will also feature the likes of The National, Blondshell, Miley Cyrus and Lorde. Looking forward to hearing more from this one!

Listen here

Staying Alive (Chris’ Version) by Christine & The Queens

Technically released very late last year, I’m including it here as its too good to not include. Art-pop visionary Christine & The Queens has released his completely unique take on the Bee-Gees classic, transforming it into a trippy, swaggering electro-pop banger.

Listen here

Kiss Me by Matt Maltese

Having released one of my favourite records of last year, English singer-songwriter Matt Maltese is now getting ready to release his own covers album, with Kiss Me the first taste of the project. His take on the Sixpence None the Richer track, his smooth vocal tones and lounge-style arrangement suit the song’s mood perfectly.

Listen here

Also worth checking out: Predator by YONAKA, Off With Her Tits by Allie X, Loved by Four Tet, Is This Love by James, Gleams by George FitzGerald, Stay Cool by James Vincent McMorrow, Pearl by Walt Disco, No One by Express Office Portico

REMINDER: If you use Apple Music, you can also keep up-to-date with all my favourite 2024 tracks through my Best of 2024 playlist. Constantly updated throughout the year with songs I enjoy, it is then finalised into a Top 100 Songs of the Year in December.

Add the Best of 2024 playlist to your library here

Listen back to my Best of 2023 playlist:

On Spotify here

On Apple Music here

#new music #best new music #album recommendation #album of the week #song recommendation #tracks of the week #new music 2024 #the last dinner party #nothing matters #prelude to ecstasy #green day #future islands #bring me the horizon #sprints #bill ryder jones #21 savage #enter shikari #paramore #oscar and the wolf #everything everything #idles #yard act #bob vylan #justice #tame impala #liam gallagher #john squire #oasis #the stone roses #birthmark

[calamityandme]

I’ve had a better couple of days thank goodness.

Yesterday I had a “me” day. I played a lot of BG3. ROMANCED ASTARION! It was at the tiefling party/bonfire or whatever. It was so fun lol.

I made myself chicken and dumplings for dinner that night. Spent time with Danny. Overall a good day.

✨(I need to talk about my special interests now)✨

Today I cleaned for R. I had a slightly different list than usual. I didn’t clean parts of the upstairs bathroom because she had already cleaned them, for example. I decided to switch things up with my listening selection. While I cleaned I listened to Rhett and Link’s podcast Ear Biscuits on Spotify. I hadn’t listened to them in a while because I’ve been enjoying cleaning while listening to my library audiobooks, but I remembered that they do special sex themed episodes during the month of September called Sextember so I checked those out.

I really enjoy those episodes of Ear Biscuits. I enjoyed What Are Our Sex Lives Like? (Ep. 395).

I listened to half of EP. 394 Kinks We’ve Tried (Or Will Try) but it was also funny. I only listened to half because I had finished cleaning by then, nothing against them. I plan on finishing it sometime soon.

I want to go on a little bit of a Rhett and Link tangent lol. I have been watching Rhett and Link’s content ever since I was first given access to YouTube. I was introduced to them when I stumbled across their video Squirrel Rights Song.

I have watched Rhett and Link videos at many varying points in my life. Sometimes almost religiously watching uploads, other times forgetting about them for a year until I’m recommended an interesting Good Mythical Morning segment by the YouTube algorithm.

Their videos are just a safe place for me. I have definitely looked up to Rhett and Link as father figures in my life when my dad wasn’t there when I needed him. Rhett and Link had time for me every morning lol. That was enough to leave a good impression on me. I even wrote to them back in the day and drew something of me and my friend meeting Rhett and Link lol. I was 17 and she was 15 at the time lol. Looking back, I’m sure if I actually ended up sending them my letters/package that the drawing of the two grown men standing next to two teenage girls would probably be creepy lol. Maybe it was a good thing those letters stayed in my sentiment box.

I loved the first Good Mythical Evening. I paid for it so my friend and I could watch it together. My friend C is also a long-time fan of Rhett and Link.

I just have enjoyed their content and how it’s changed over the years. I loved the small town commercials, the rap battles, the many GMM changes and skits that have stuck with me throughout the years (Moolissa, Cotton Candy Randy✨). I have a lot of good memories with their content.

But anyways done talking about that lol.

I went to this coffee shop by my work and got myself a special coffee to celebrate going to work today. I really contemplated calling in sick today but I knew in my bones I needed to get it over with.

A few days ago I tried to get coffee from this place and I didn’t have enough money to get the coffee, so i apologized and left the drive thru coffeeless. I thought I had enough but I was $2 short. Today I asked to pay for 2 coffees and only get 1 to make up for my grievance. They were nice about it.

It felt really good to pay for the coffee I couldn’t have earlier. I got myself some lunch and dropped some things off at a donation center near me before going back home for the day.

I played more BG3 today lol. Started watching this alien movie called Arrival. It’s pretty good so far. I have just been trying to take it easy since today was my “hardest” day of the week. Hard meaning most physically exhausting I would say.

Tomorrow is engagement photos. I’m so so nervous but excited. I know I’m fat and I’ll look fat so I’m trying to brace myself. Fat doesn’t equal bad. I am fat and that’s okay. I’m beautiful because of me and everything that I am. Mantra for photos ✨ I’m excited for my mom and maybe nana to see our venue too.

I’ll end this post with some marigolds from our garden. Ignore the dirt lol.

#journal #diary #diary posting #blog #blogging #BG3 #bg3 astarion #media #ear biscuits #Rhett and link #GMM #good mythical morning #arrival movie #special interest #marigolds #flowers #Spotify #Youtube #body positivity #self love

[amoveablejake]

My Five Key Songs of March 2023

Oh boy, this is a tough one. 

Okay, yes, this round up for the key songs of March 2023 is a week late. I know that. But actually, I’m kind of glad that it is. Not because it being a week late means that I can sneak in a more recent song, I haven’t although I was sorely tempted to I will admit, but rather because I did need another week to line up what the five key songs were going to be because this time it has been particularly tough. And as for what the key song for this month, or rather last month, is going to be at this time of writing I genuinely have no idea which means what is to follow will be some gut feeling, straight from the hip song choosing action which I think we can all agree on is exactly what we want. 

First up, ‘Thatcherie’ by Sven Libaek. 

Sven Libaek’s music keeps working its way into my day to day so much so that if at the end of the year, if he appeared as my most played artist on Spotify I wouldn’t be surprised. Sometimes it feels like Libaek songs start playing without me realising or rather that I might not even realise that a song is playing at all as Libaek’s work has become such an integral part of my day to day music roster. The first time I really listened to ‘Inner Space: The Lost Film Music of Sven Libaek’ I was on my way to Heathrow airport, sitting on a coach very early in the morning and the sunrise was bursting through the window onto my face. Everytime I listen to Libaek’s music now I am whisked back to that moment and I always feel the sun on my skin even if it is the cloudiest day. Funnily enough, the sun is shining on me now, literally, as I listen to ‘Thatcherie’ and am reminded yet again of how special Libaek’s music is, not that I needed the reminder ofcourse. 

Second up to bat, ‘Only a Fool Would Say That’ by Steely Dan. 

‘Only a Fool Would Say That’ is the song responsible for the Steely Dan resurgence in my life and for that, I am very thankful for it. As I wrote about in an album of the week piece a couple of weeks back, the Steely Dan hiatus in my library has only worked in the band’s favour as my adoration for them is now stronger than ever. Even though I have my monthly playlist of what tracks are really hitting me that month, and even though I do have a key music roster that I draw on, sometimes I do still pause and am unsure of exactly what to listen to. In those moments I know that I can always turn to Steely Dan and over the past few weeks everytime I have felt like that I have been putting ‘Only a Fool Would Say That’ on and immediately feeling calmer and more settled. I really don’t see Steely Dan losing their place in my roster anytime soon or ever again now that they’re back. 

Third on the list for March 2023, ‘Mer Du Japon’.

Okay, now things are really getting difficult. How this isn’t the key song for March I am not quite sure but I said that I was doing straight from the hip, gut instinct picks so here we are. But let’s not let that detract from how much of a hit ‘Mer Du Japon’ has been for March. I always find myself returning to Air who have firmly become one of my favourite bands and just when I thought I had my favourite songs of theirs in order, ‘Mer Du Japon’ turns up and throws the list all out of order. ‘Mer Du Japon’ as I spoke about in last week’s album of the week piece feels like the progression of the band and their sound. It runs perfectly, and epitomises everything that makes Air, Air. It might not be my favourite song of theirs at the moment, but let me sit with it for a bit longer and who knows, maybe it can climb that list that it has already disrupted. 

The fourth choice this time around, ‘Tormenta’ by Gorillaz featuring Bad Bunny. 

Alright, full disclosure, I have just swapped the final two songs. I wasn’t sure how I was going to pick between them but at the last moment there ‘Tormenta’ lost its key song of the month position which really, is a surprise. From the moment I heard ‘Tormenta’ it has been stuck in my head and never fails to make me smile. It is a track that reminds me of classic Gorillaz and it feels like it has been born from that place in the band’s journey where they were, just having fun I suppose. I mean, I’m sure they still have been having fun with some of their albums through the 2010s but for me they have often missed out on getting back to the highs of those albums from the 2000s. That may be nostalgia but actually, I don’t think it is. I think the Gorillaz thrived when they seemingly didn’t have as much pressure on them and were making music for themselves and their cartoon friends. ‘Tormenta’ feels exactly like that, a song for friends, made by friends and one that is a hit because it isn’t trying to be. 

Okay, here we are, the key song of the month for March 2023, ‘Just a Song Before I Go’ by Crosby, Stills and Nash. 

I think that maybe a part of me in my heart knew that the key song for this month sort of had to be ‘Just a Song Before I Go’. I say sort of had to be because ‘Just a Song Before I Go’ is the sort of track that I know that I’ll be listening to in all my years to come. Its the sort of song that I will listen to and remember all of the times that I have listened to it before and all of the memories of those times in my life will come flooding back as it serves as a through line for all of the times that it has been a part of. Sometimes you hear a song and you know immediately that its one of your songs, a song that almost straight off the bat it could be a desert island disc pick for you. ‘Just a Song Before I Go’ is that sort of song for me and it has made me want to dive into Crosby, Stills and Nash’s music even more, I’m usually a Crosby, Stills Nash and Young kind of guy, and I really am looking forward to those explorations. I also am looking forward to all of my attempts to recreate the cover of ‘CSN’, the record from which ‘Just a Song Before I Go’ has been lifted from, because the photograph that adorns it, its special and oh boy, do I want to be in it. 

So there we have it, the five key songs for March 2023 which was a little tougher than usual. Hopefully April, will have some more clear cut choices as I do feel like I have let a few songs down but hey, they’ll just need to make a push to come back and fight for their place again, you know, and develop a thinking process for themselves but we don’t need to dwell on that now. As I write this now, its still rather warm in my apartment and the evening sun is shining still. We are settling into spring now aren’t we, let’s see what it has in store. 

-Jake, a man still thinking about York, 02/04/2023

[eucalyprhodes]

I am THANKFUL for Spotify

I don’t think we realized how much of a treasure Spotify is. Maybe because opening Spotify is just second nature to us. When we drive, when we’re cleaning the house, when we study, you name it! That little app on your phone with millions (or probably billions?) of music from ANY time in the history. And for only $12.99 per month, you have access to literally every song ever made (I don’t know if this is 100% true, but to me, it feels that way!)

Sometime last year, my husband and I talked about how they don’t make music like they used to anymore. Sure, we don’t hate the music of today, but there’s just something about them that don’t make us feel things like music back then. I must’ve listened to Harry Styles “Grapejuice” and Niki’s “High School in Jakarta” probably close to a hundred times by now, but neither one of those make me feel anything, except for they’re catchy. My husband and I are 90′s babies and that conversation prompted me to look back at one of my old playlists. One that I haven’t listened to for a long time because for the 95% of the time, my playlist (just like most of us now) is filled with what’s popular right now on TikTok (not even radio ...), and social media. I mean, that’s how I figured out “First Class” by Jack Harlow (heard it on tiktok and wondered why on earth does Fergie sounds DIFFERENT). This particular playlist was filled with indie/rock/alternative from mid 2000 like Incubus, MGMT, The Strokes, and oh who can ever forget, Death Cab for Cutie, and I remember listening to this playlist very often during my junior and senior year of college. I began to listen to this playlist much more often since that conversation, being reminded of my life during junior/senior year and even though those years was quite hell-ish if I’m being completely honest, those songs still manage to get me in my feelings much more than when I listen to my current playlist from 2020-present day. I decided since then that I’m not gonna bother listening to any new music anymore. A friend of mine said something that really resonates with me. She doesn’t listen to new music because she already knows what she loves, why bother with the new one? 

So, earlier this year, I started re-organizing my spotify playlist. I created a 2000 indie/alternative, a 2000 pop and any new music is now in my 2015 and up playlist (haven’t listened to that playlist since the year started TBH). 

In making the first two playlists, I searched for top hits from each year. I started from the year that I actually remember listening to songs, which I believe was 1999 and as of today, I just finished adding top songs from 2005. Let me just say how genuinely amazing this process has been for my heart and my soul. I always heard people talk about something that can bring them back to a core memory. It can be food, music, a place, etc. I was never a sentimental person so quite honestly, i never understood that, until these past few days when I revisited some of my favorite songs from 1999-2005. I listened to How Soon is Now by t.A.T.u. and I am reminded of my first day of junior high orientation where I instantly had a crush on this guy who was in charge of my group. I remember him because all the other girls ALSO had a crush on him! He was in student government, super tall, handsome and so nice to us the underclassmen. I was confident that was the best day of my life and when I came home, I turned on the TV and behold! the music video for How Soon is Now was playing on MTV. I remember jamming to that song even though I have no idea what they’re singing and just feeling gleeful because orientation lasts the whole week and I’ll get to see him again for the whole week :) I listened to “Come on Over” by Christina Aguilera and almost BURST UP LAUGHING because that was the song that I had to choreograph a dance with 3 other girls in my 7th grade dance class. Nope, I don’t remember the dance but man, that was a particular memory because for the first time ever, my parents actually allowed me to come over to a classmate’s house. Probably because it was for school purposes but I also remember feeling so cool about it because the other 3 girls were the IT girls. I listened to “If You’re not the One” by Daniel Bedingfield and my memory shot up to a time of heartbreak in freakin 7th grade (teenage years man, it’s heartbreak after heartbreak, it’s brutal). I had liked this boy and I actually knew him even before he transferred to my school because we used to go to the same elementary school. I’d like to think “We go way back” (not really but oh well). I remember one day, after lunch, I saw him walk into our classroom holding hands with a girl and I just realized that I blew my chance of ever telling him I like him.  I came home and watch MTV and sure enough,  If You’re not the One was playing. I just remembered thinking this song sounds so sad and I AM SAD so this must be MY song. Then I listened to Avril Lavigne’s “Complicated” and my mind went to the time my aunt, Mama As, called me. I was still living in Indonesia at that time and she would often call us to catch up. I remember watching MTV (I really watched a lot of MTV back then )and my mom handed the phone. “Here, Mama As want to talk to you” “Hi Kezia, what are you doing?” “Hi Mama As, Kezia lagi nonton tv. Mtv nih, ada Avril Lavigne” “Who’s that” “Oh ini penyanyi favorit Kezia sekarang. Dia pop punk gitu deh Ma. Keren deh” “Oh wow. Ya mungkin nanti kalo kamu udah di sini, kamu bisa nonton konser nya dia ya” and I remember feeling so edgy because I listen to Avril Lavigne and my Aunt knows how cool my music taste is. 

And so on and so forth. With each song that I added to the playlist, it just kept bringing me back to many memories. The good ones, the bad ones, the cringy ones (I think at some point, I dedicated “Flying without Wings” in the school radio to the boy I liked, like HOW CRINGY IS THAT). It also made me realize, I’ve always had a thing for Menado and or Toraja boys because literally every boy I liked back in Indo were either Menado or Toraja (and I ended up married to a Menado man!) God already knew my heart even back then! LOL 

Needless to say, it just makes me appreciate spotify even more. Think about it, if spotify didn’t exist, how difficult it would be to get those songs from each year and organizing it into a playlist. Worse, would we have to take each song and burn it into CDs? I don’t know about you but I am so thankful to not have to burn anymore CDs these days :) Honestly, this wasn’t even going to be like a project for me. I intended to just save an existing playlist to my spotify but after seeing the list of songs, I realized I should just create a brand new one, and curate it in a specific order to my liking, which is why I decided to go year by year. 

I should also say, it’s cool that this project starts with music from 1999 and end at 2005 this week because  I believe those are my formative years in terms of music. i started watching MTV and get a lot of exposures to different types of music (Eminem’s “Without Me” and ALL of Linkin Park’s music video live rent free in my head), sneaking into my brother’s room to listen to his cassettes and later CDs, borrowing cassettes from friends and talking about music. There was a heated discussion about Avril Lavigne vs Michelle Branch one day in 6th grade during our lunch break (I was team Avril). In 5th grade, this girl lended her linkin park cassette to another girl and before you know it, that tape was passed around to the entire class, myself included. I don’t understand why we did what we did, but all I remember was that we collectively as a class felt very cultured after experiencing Linkin Park’s Hybrid Theory album. 

I can’t wait to complete my playlist, though I’m conflicted if I should end it at 2010 OR just end it at 2005. At what point do all music start to sound like trap music? I couldn’t pinpoint that. But either way, I’m glad I started this mini project. 

[lilyellowsongbird]

The White Stripes - Simplicity

I don't think I've ever been fascinated with an artist like I am with Jack White. Really, there's nothing I could say about him that hasn't already been said. Polyphonic has two great videos about Jack's work (Jack White's Obsession with the Number Three and In Defense of Meg White), so I would definitely go watch those before or after you read this. He has a certain type of charisma, this I-don't-give-a-damn-I'm-gonna-make-my-art-how-I-want-to attitude. He's been around in the industry long enough, he has his own label and record pressing factory, he certainly can do whatever he'd like, and he's good at what he does. He's willing to experiment with his sound and take great risks to achieve something new. I could talk about all of his work for quite some time, but this post is all about his greatest achievement: The White Stripes

Before I got a "real" job, I had to find a cheap and easy way to sustain my music habit without having to listen to an ad every other song. I would go to the library, check out a CD, rip it onto my computer, and put it on my phone. Janis Joplin, Green Day, MCR, Panic!, Florence + The Machine, and so many more. I went through my entire emo phase without it being documented in my Spotify stats. In February of 2019 (I remembered the month it was that important) I read a comment on a Green Day video suggesting the similarities between Dead Leaves and The Dirty Ground by the White Stripes and Brain Stew. I had to hear it and upon doing so, it sparked my interest. I started listening to the band on Spotify until my weekly library trip. I walked straight to the CDs, flipped through W, and grabbed every White Stripes album I could find (there's only seven, minus the live album, and still I got most of them). I ripped them onto my phone and never looked back.

As he has stated a million times, Jack's basis is in the blues. Jack took that rough, simple sound and brought it into the modern age. With his rowdy electric guitar and Meg White's simple, deep drumming, they blended blues and punk rock to create that iconic White Stripes sound. It is gritty and it is powerful. They understood the concept of simplicity and just how impactful it can be. Their first album only uses four instruments; they don't even use a bass guitar until their fifth studio album Get Behind Me Satan. Limitation is what makes the White Stripes what they are.

One of the most fascinating things about the band to me is the fact that they never used a setlist. They relied solely on silent communication, an almost psychic link to both the audience and each other. They could flow seamlessly from one song to another, not missing a single beat. Any flubbed chord could be revived. Any path could be followed. They felt the energy of the crowd and let it move through them, guiding their every heartbeat. As much as they relied on the crowd, they relied on each other. They could gesture or even lock eyes and know exactly which song they were playing next. They could move on without a second thought and still be on the same page. My favorite example can be found here.

Yes, Jack is incredibly talented. He's the epitome of rock and roll. However, we cannot overlook Meg. Meg is the heartbeat of the band, and what a heart she is. I don't care what any prog-rock-music-purist says, Meg is a brilliant drummer. It doesn't matter what you can do technically on your own, if you can't make something good with someone else, you, your work is useless. Meg's simple drumming style is just as essential to the White Stripes' edge as Jack's guitar. Her frequent use of the bass drum rings out like a beating heart. It's dirty, guttural, and most of all, it blends perfectly with Jack's guitar. Meg wasn't afraid to drum her way, and that is why she is so wonderful. She could follow Jack's lead with silent communication and make each song perfect.

The White Stripes officially dissolved in 2011. Meg's anxiety became too much for her to continue touring and Jack was already starting on other projects. They only produced seven studio albums over their nearly fifteen year run, but dear god, they're good. I'm a huge proponent of quality over quantity. I would rather savor a few good albums than have to suffer through the slow decline and wasting away of a band.

I remember those first few months where all I listened to was Jack White and The White Stripes with great fondness. Listening gave me confidence. I felt like me, it was one component of my lifeblood. Later that year I saw him live with his band The Raconteurs, another band I will make an individual post on one day. He still refused to use a setlist. Seeing him live, watching him communicate with his bandmates, and just rocking out, I've never felt like I did that night. I've seen several of my favorite artists live, ones that I love more than Jack, and still, none of them compare to that night in that old theater, watching him perform. As much as I adore him, I don't think I could ever meet him. Maybe I hold him to too high a standard, maybe I don't want him to know just how much of an impact he made on my life. He taught me that simplicity and limitations can give you more freedom than no rules at all. They get your mind working, leading you to produce art that is detailed and precise.

Maybe one day Meg will return to the stage, but if not, I won't be sad. They had a good run, they were true to themselves, and they left a lasting impact on this world in a way that many artists never will. That is all that matters in the end

My Favorite Tracks in No Particular Order:

Apple Blossom

Jolene - Live Under Blackpool Lights

There's No Home For You Here

The Air Near My Fingers

Fell In Love With A Girl

Honey, We Can't Afford To Look This Cheap

Jimmy The Exploder

Stop Breaking Down

St James Infirmary Blues

I Fought Piranhas

Well, It's True That We Love One Another

#music #opinion #nonfiction #jack white #meg white #The white stripes #blues rock #blues #90s music #early 2000s music #indie rock

[northernrevive]

#BillyBibby #CarlForbes #DrumandBass #FreezeTheWorld #HAiG #JoeMooney #Kycker #newmusic #NewRelease #newsingle #NorthernMusic #NorthernMusicUK #NorthernRevive #RockBand #TheGold