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william-shakespeare-official · 1 year

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Here's THE masterpost of free and full adaptations, by which I mean that it's a post made by the master.

Anthony and Cleopatra: here's the BBC version, here's a 2017 version.

As you like it: you'll find here an outdoor stage adaptation and here the BBC version. Here's Kenneth Brannagh's 2006 one.

Coriolanus: Here's a college play, here's the 1984 telefilm, here's the 2014 one with tom hiddleston. Here's the Ralph Fiennes 2011 one.

Cymbelline: Here's the 2014 one.

Hamlet: the 1948 Laurence Olivier one is here. The 1964 russian version is here and the 1964 american version is here. The 1964 Broadway production is here, the 1969 Williamson-Parfitt-Hopkins one is there, and the 1980 version is here. Here are part 1 and 2 of the 1990 BBC adaptation, the Kenneth Branagh 1996 Hamlet is here, the 2000 Ethan Hawke one is here. 2009 Tennant's here. And have the 2018 Almeida version here. On a sidenote, here's A Midwinter's Tale, about a man trying to make Hamlet. Andrew Scott's Hamlet is here.

Henry IV: part 1 and part 2 of the BBC 1989 version. And here's part 1 of a corwall school version.

Henry V: Laurence Olivier (who would have guessed) 1944 version. The 1989 Branagh version here. The BBC version is here.

Julius Caesar: here's the 1979 BBC adaptation, here the 1970 John Gielgud one. A theater Live from the late 2010's here.

King Lear: Laurence Olivier once again plays in here. And Gregory Kozintsev, who was I think in charge of the russian hamlet, has a king lear here. The 1975 BBC version is here. The Royal Shakespeare Compagny's 2008 version is here. The 1974 version with James Earl Jones is here. The 1953 Orson Wells one is here.

Macbeth: Here's the 1948 one, there the 1955 Joe McBeth. Here's the 1961 one with Sean Connery, and the 1966 BBC version is here. The 1969 radio one with Ian McKellen and Judi Dench is here, here's the 1971 by Roman Polanski, with spanish subtitles. The 1988 BBC one with portugese subtitles, and here the 2001 one). Here's Scotland, PA, the 2001 modern retelling. Rave Macbeth for anyone interested is here. And 2017 brings you this.

Measure for Measure: BBC version here. Hugo Weaving here.

The Merchant of Venice: here's a stage version, here's the 1980 movie, here the 1973 Lawrence Olivier movie, here's the 2004 movie with Al Pacino. The 2001 movie is here.

The Merry Wives of Windsor: the Royal Shakespeare Compagny gives you this movie.

A Midsummer Night's Dream: have this sponsored by the City of Columbia, and here the BBC version. Have the 1986 Duncan-Jennings version here. 2019 Live Theater version? Have it here!

Much Ado About Nothing: Here is the kenneth branagh version and here the Tennant and Tate 2011 version. Here's the 1984 version.

Othello: A Massachussets Performance here, the 2001 movie her is the Orson Wells movie with portuguese subtitles theree, and a fifteen minutes long lego adaptation here. THen if you want more good ole reliable you've got the BBC version here and there.

Richard II: here is the BBC version. If you want a more meta approach, here's the commentary for the Tennant version. 1997 one here.

Richard III: here's the 1955 one with Laurence Olivier. The 1995 one with Ian McKellen is no longer available at the previous link but I found it HERE.

Romeo and Juliet: here's the 1988 BBC version. Here's a stage production. 1954 brings you this. The french musical with english subtitles is here!

The Taming of the Shrew: the 1980 BBC version here and the 1988 one is here, sorry for the prior confusion. The 1929 version here, some Ontario stuff here, and here is the 1967 one with Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor. This one is the Shakespeare Retold modern retelling.

The Tempest: the 1979 one is here, the 2010 is here. Here is the 1988 one. Theater Live did a show of it in the late 2010's too.

Timon of Athens: here is the 1981 movie with Jonathan Pryce,

Troilus and Cressida can be found here

Titus Andronicus: the 1999 movie with Anthony Hopkins here

Twelfth night: here for the BBC, here for the 1970 version with Alec Guinness, Joan Plowright and Ralph Richardson.

Two Gentlemen of Verona: have the 2018 one here. The BBC version is here.

The Winter's Tale: the BBC version is here

Please do contribute if you find more. This is far from exhaustive.

(also look up the original post from time to time for more plays)

#adaptations #macbeth #hamlet #king lear #twelfth night #much ado about nothing #henry iv #henry v #richard iii #julius caesar #timon of athens #troilus and cressida

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acekatherineplumber · 1 year

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I find it really telling what books people have multiples of on their shelves, so I took a look at my own. I found:

5 copies of Red, White, and Royal Blue

2 copies of Little Women

5 copies of The Lightning Thief

2 copies of The Red Pyramid

2 copies of The Hill We Climb

2 copies of The Count of Monte Cristo

2 copies of A Christmas Carol

The works of Victor Hugo

-10 copies of Les Mis

-3 copies of Hunchback of Notre Dame

-2 copies of 1793

Harry Potter

-6 copies of Sorcerer’s Stone

-2 copies of Chamber of Secrets

-3 copies of Prisoner of Azkaban

-3 copies of Order of the Phoenix

-2 copies of Half Blood Prince

Shakespeare:

-3 complete works

-5 extra copies of Hamlet

-1 extra of Much Ado

-2 extra of Macbeth

-1 extra of Taming of the Shrew

-2 extra of Midsummer

-3 extra of Romeo and Juliet

#the way i counted is a little dicey #like the 2 little womens one is technically a retelling but it's not so much a retelling as it is a time period shift so i counted it #and the five extra hamlets include an edition told entirely through textspeak and a choose your own adventure version #and i can read more than one language so the foreign language editions of some books count towards their total #and i included the graphic novels #and two of the hugo novels were pulled from a book of his selected works (which is pretty much everything but les mis #and the harry potters i have two of the minalimas and two of the big illustrated ones but i honestly need to get rid of a couple #they're not even in a book bin let alone on the shelves #I have three book bins and three bookshelves #but i honestly need another bookshelf #what problem? where?#i honestly can't tell #you how many i have #inventory will be a goal this year #as well as keeping the new books i buy under 10 books #i make no promises about used ones #elphie reads

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kamehamehamlet · 2 months

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The Tumblr reblog sensation is returning. But like the Sayians or Shakespeare’s folios, it has the potential to develop in many forms.

Visit kamehamehamlet.com to be notified when we have more details.

Follow this blog for a peak behind the curtain.

And read on to learn more about the show, how we got here, and where we’re going.

Thank you for waiting just a little bit longer.

Revival Project Q&A

Who are you?

Hi! I’m Daniel Cole Mauleón (@writepictures), the writer of Kamehamehamlet. In 2015 I co-founded the theatre company Play-Dot Productions with KHH’s director Shalee Mae Cole Mauleón.

What is Kamehamehamlet?

Kamehamehamlet: Good Night Saiyan Prince, was an hour-long one act play, performed during the 2015 Minnesota Fringe Festival. It’s a staged retelling of Vegeta and Freeza’s battle on the planet Namek. Marketed as a Dragon Ball Z and Hamlet mash-up, the parody quickly shuffled off its weighted gi, revealing it was actually a Waiting for Godot spoof. After five performances, Vegeta hung up his helmet of spiky hair. Seven years later, K (@amokslime) wrote this incredibly gracious post on Tumblr, which inspired two people to reach out to me via Reddit to ask if I had a script or a recording of the performance.

I want to pause the semi-marketing voice and say a heartfelt thanks to K. Kamehamehamlet was brought to life by an incredible team of artists during a summer I’ll never forget. We got laughs at jokes, gasps at fight choreography, and we broke even on the budget (a Fringe miracle TBH). K’s post gave me the chance to revisit that show through someone else’s eyes. The mix of pride and humility it stirs up is truly indescribable.

If there is art which has changed you, and especially if the artist is still alive I encourage you to non-intrusively share that with the artist.

Is there a copy of the script?

Yes, I’ll speak more about that at below.

Is there a recording of the performance?

There was, but I genuinely lost the files. And that’s for the best, honestly. It was a last-second attempt, filmed from two cheap cameras (with different qualities and resolutions!), both at bad angles and with truly awful audio. Trust me. It’s better this way.

That said, I do have other archival footage from rehearsal's, tech, etc. that I look forward to sharing for those curious.

What’s next?

This is the question I’ve been asking myself over the past year and the reason it took so long to post anything. Especially since one thing I want to do differently this time is make sure that any artists involved are meaningfully compensated for their time and skill. However, I can’t plan without a better estimate of what kind of support we would have, and I didn’t want to share our intentions without concrete details.

Right now, the best way you can support this project is by signing up for the announcement on kamehamehamlet.com.

The second best thing you can do is to share with others about this project, if I’ve learned anything reading through the comments on K’s post, it is that there’s a much bigger audience for KHH than I could have ever imagined, and you likely know at least one more person who would be interested.

And while I don’t want to promise anything I can’t deliver on, I will share that I’m planning on making the script available this year and I’ll be writing a separate post about that in near future.

If you’ve read this far thank you so much.

Photography by Ann B. Erickson. Vegeta is played by McKenzie Shappell. Freeza is played by Cayla Marie Wolpers. Costumes by Sarah Noel Simon.

#kamehamehamlet #theater #dbz #dragon ball #shakespeare #hamlet #waiting for godot #vegeta #freeza #goku #this is about as good a place as any to share that...#I only just realized after spending a day in Adobe Illustrator that I've just made the IKEA logo...

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ashirisu · 4 months

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hey, everyone!

My name is Ley (pronounced like "Lee," she/they) and I'm a fiction writer/editor based in the PNW. I haven't done a proper writeblr intro in a while, so I figure the new year is a great time to reintroduce myself to the community!

— about me

An important thing to understand about me and the way I talk about writing is that this stuff is literally my entire life. Even outside of work, I don't think I have a single interest or hobby that doesn't relate back to storytelling in some capacity. I'm an avid media consumer and critic, and will hyperanalyze just about anything that catches my fancy for more than a minute.

I love science fiction and fantasy, and my goal as a writer is to take all the genres I loved growing up and create stories that are a little more diverse, inclusive, and queer.

— about the blog

I came to writeblr mostly to share my work, but also to find an active community where I can get excited with other writers and talk shop. Marketing is obviously a really important part of the publishing industry, but I get tired of having to filter every thought I have about my work and experiences through the lens of aesthetic micro-trends just to put it out in the world. Sometimes I just want to pop off about scenes I'm proud of, you know?

Above all else, I really just want to connect with more writers like myself, ones who got their start in fandom spaces and are working to take their writing from a hobby into a career. I see you, I am you, I love you, let's be friends!

— about my writing

I write a lot, though most of it is disconnected nonsense. Flash fiction and short stories are where I really thrive as a writer. I don't tend to commit to long-form projects, but I have a few projects that I'll occasionally share details about!

I like to describe my style as "earnest and character-forward," which is a fancy way of saying that I like driven protagonists who think too much and are emotional to the point of it being a character flaw.

My goal is to share more of my original writing moving forward, so hopefully you'll get to see all of this for yourself. If I'm totally honest, though, you'll probably see more of me discussing my work than actually writing it.

— about my projects

Here are the things you'll most likely see me posting about:

Agnomen: A sci-fi retelling of Hamlet and Coriolanus, currently in its very preliminary stages. It is literally my Roman Empire, except it's set on a moon of a planet that I'm calling Jupiter as a placeholder (but please note that it isn't actually Jupiter, as Jupiter is a gas giant and therefore a scientifically impossible setting for large sections of the plot).

Alter Ego: A superhero fic in which not-so-mild-mannered reporter Drew Derrick fights for mutant rights and can't seem to get his act together when it comes to keeping the complicated parts of his life separate.

Untitled Fantasy Project: The very first project I ever wrote, and the piece I return to every so often when writing is feeling more like a slog than a fun hobby. I set a lot of one-offs in this world and follow a few key characters around without them having a real plot.

D&D: I write a lot about Baz, my Wild Magic Barbarian. He's a regency noble with a lot of problems, and I care about him very much. I also have various other settings and characters, but he's my most active PC at the moment and therefore gets the most attention.

Short Stories: Sometimes I write these, and sometimes I like them enough to share!

— tag directory

ley rambles: my (often wordy) opinions about things

ley writes: not necessarily my writing, but talking about my writing

my writing: stories, blurbs, and other content I've written

not my writing: reblogs and creative writing that I liked, shared, and sometimes commented on

#also i am open to asks and tag games!#looking forward to getting to know you all #writeblr intro #writeblr #writing #creative writing #writing community

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thesituation · 8 months

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“feminist retelling of hamlet” god stop stop it women were oppressed almost all of history stop wiping it away stop whitewashing the past stop removing realism to alleviate discomfort from a piece made hundreds of years ago stop!!!!!! there’s plenty of actual feminist stories waiting to be told but studios would rather retell hamlet to be centered around ophelia, for some reason only god knows, because that’s recognizable and will make money. shut the hell UP!!!!!!!!

#.txt

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fahye · 1 year

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i’ve gotten a few book recs from your blog over the last few years so i was wondering, what new books are you looking forward to this year?

frantically answering this one on release day for some of the books on this list, scraping in under the wire, etc.

* asterisk means I've already read it because of the joys of ARCs.

*SOME DESPERATE GLORY by emily tesh. aspects of military sci-fi, aspects of [redacted for spoilers], aspect of alienfucking, protagonist with strong azula-from-avatar vibes (she's the worst, I would die for her). very queer and very clever and will rip your spine out and fill you up with emotions. it's gonna win a hugo and become a modern classic. guaranteed.

SOMETHING SPECTACULAR & MORTAL FOLLIES both by alexis hall. both are regency romances, one with genderfluid & agender protags, the other one is sapphic and involving fairies I think?? maybe witches?? don't know don't care, I'll devour anything alexis hall cares to serve me.

*THE FIRST BRIGHT THING by j.r. dawson. if you enjoyed the aesthetics of the night circus but wish it had more polyamory, sapphics, time travel, examinations of trauma, found family and post-ww1 americana: this is for you. it's such a wonderful, chewy, compassionate book. about magical circuses.

KNOCKOUT by @sarahmaclean. I love sarah's current 'hell's belles' historical romance series so much and this one is the romance with IMOGEN who is an EXPLOSIVES EXPERT, so I expect it to blow my socks off in several different ways. can't wait.

*STARLING HOUSE by alix e. harrow. southern gothic! feral gremlin girl meets house and is NOT impressed! feral gremlin girl meets glowering gremlin boy and is even LESS impressed! buried sins, the grind of poverty, terrible houses that want your blood. I read this in almost a single sitting and I had the time of my fucking life.

*THE DEATH I GAVE HIM by em x. liu. locked room murder mystery sci-fi hamlet retelling!! exactly as amazing as it sounds. another one that I flew through in a single sitting. features science, deception, transhumanism, and some unreasonably sexy AI-interfacing.

#ask replies #digitalis-obscura #book recs

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colorfullpaperbird · 2 months

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Taste in books i think each of the sides on Sander Sides would have

Logan: Easiest side to tell since he says his book taste in canon lmao, mistery books guy, agatha christie, sherlock holmes, murders on rue morgue, he just really enjoys a good mistery (he’s just like me fr). He also probably reads books about scientific discoveries and psychological studies on a day to day basis (since he seems to have an answer for everything), either really likes or really hates sci fi depending on the scientifical explanations the books gives

Patton: Ok so, im gonna be honest, i don’t think Patton reads much? In fact hes probably the one who reads the least out of all sides, but he does seem to know his stuff, quoting studies in some episodes ( ‘Can lying be good?’ being the one who comes to mind ), so he probably reads a few articles about Morality and philosophy, also when i imagine Patton reading i imagine children’s books with deep messages like Dr Seuss, so personally i think Patton’s taste in books would be books like “The Tao of Pooh” which explains philosophy in a simple fun way taking inspiration from children’s media.

Roman: Roman’s my favorite side and although i would like to dump my personal taste on him i am aware that he canonically hasn’t read my favorite book and dislikes dark retellings of fairytales, leaving me to tears since those are my favorite kind of story. However i will indulge a bit and say that Roman would love Shakespearean plays ( His favorite would be Hamlet bc it inspired Lion King ) and typical fantasy books. Im also 100% sure that guy has a shelf full of Disney Movie Books like the novelization of Beauty and the beast and the villain’s origin books by Serena Valentino, also has those super pretty Disney Classics books ( lucky mfer ). And obviously he would have the original novels of multiple musicals ( Wicked, Be more chill, Dear Evan Hansen…) and some ballets/non-Disney classics as well (The nutcracker, The wizard of oz, Swan lake… ). Also Harry Potter i guess, since that’s canon 😒

Virgil: We all know what im going to say, Horror fan. Likes Edgar Allan Poe’s stories and classic horror books that inspired movies/series ( Carrie, Ring, the haunting of hill house… ), also reads a concerning amount of True crime about unsolved murder cases, and he has a special edition of the novel of The nightmare before Christmas somewhere trust me. And to self indulge a little, Dark retellings of fairytales, especially the Horror leaning ones.

Janus: I feel like Patton would read simplified philosophy books while Janus would grab shit like The gay science by Friedrich Nietzsche at the local library (never read this book, hilarious title tho), Overall i think Janus’s taste on books would consist of either philosophy and sociology books (especially the ones that annoying people read to keep gloating about how smart they are, except he actually likes them), and influential plays like Shakespeare, The Odyssey, The Iliad, Medea, Phantom of the Opera etc… His taste is the perfect combination of annoying Theater kid with pretentious philosophy kid (He is the guy they strive to be 😭)

Tw: Remus and everything that comes with him

Remus: YES, REMUS READS, YOU CANNOT CHANGE MY MIND ON THIS, The books he reads? Very simple, Dark romance and horror, the books are his inspirations for new creative ways to annoy the shit out of the other sides, he is slowly but surely making a list of new horrid murder and torture methods he learned via horror books, also dark romance for him is just romance since he thinks normal romance books are boring and lack taste, some other side definitely walked in on him reading once ( picture him reading on the sofa twirling his hair and bouncing his legs in a very stereotypical teen girl way ) and asked what he was reading only for him to answer something like “ ‘Taken Hostage by the Hot Mafia Boss’ :D” Also definitely read the Kam4 Sutr4.

Bonus: Remy/Sleep has a book detailing the multiple different ways on how to brew coffee and Picani has every Kids Show Book he could find ( Gravity Falls 3rd Diary, Star vs the Forces of Evil Book of spells etc… )

ALSO WARNING: If you want to buy any of the books i talked about here be aware there is currently a boycott of Disney and any other properties that have ties to the genocide committed by Israel!! And mainly, i would recommend to grab any book i mentioned in the library since they’re one of the only public community spaces that haven’t shut down yet, support your public library to make sure it stays that way!

#sanders sides #roman sanders #patton sanders #logan sanders #virgil sanders #remus sanders #janus sanders #just a silly little post about books and Sander Sides #because i love books and sander sides #i hope none of these are ooc #i tried to keep them in character #also i didnt say it in the post or it would be way longer than i intended #but they all read Pride and Prejudice at one point #Its Roman’s favorite and Remus’s least favorite

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moonlarked · 9 months

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I want the raven tower so fucking much I want it

#it’s in my library system…#another hamlet retelling.#from horatio’s pov.#give.#sigh I just gotta wait until the death I gave him comes out

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sidecast-deactivated · 1 year

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I think the most memorable Hamlet production I've seen is the one we went to in Budapest a few years ago, mostly because it was absolutely fucking unhinged. But the more interesting part is that the entire stage is made up of red stadium seats. Pictures cannot convey how imposing this scenery was, looming above the auditorium and forcing the spectators to look up. And this entire gimmick became incredible well embedded into the play, which was set in the modern times, but strayed from the original story very little. There was the play inside a play scene, where the actors were staring at us, and Hamlet's narration was the only indicator of what was happening. There is Polonius's murder, where he is very obviously crouching behind one of the rows, but Hamlet is too submerged in talking to the audience and berating Gertrude to notice him. There is the scene where Ophelia has gone mad and is dancing and singing, all while Gertrude, Claudius, and Laertes watches from the pews, until Laertes snaps and starts to desperately shake her by the shoulders. Laertes absolutely stole the show by the way (person between Gertrude and Claudius on the pictures), his performance was Excellent. And then there's the duel, which I Kid You Not, is not shown on stage. It is left out, and we are met with Horatio and Fortinbras sitting next to each other as Horatio tells him how it happened. In front of them are Hamlet and Laertes who say their lines, although halfheartedly, and occasionally clack their swords together, because Horatio's retelling is hollow and haunted with grief. At the very end, they carry in those skeletons and set them on a pile on the floor. It is unnecessarily extra and man I love it so much

#altough ill be honest i really dont like the guy who plays hamlet for the sole reason that he looks like house md #he also didnt give the role enough nuance but whatever i only saw one performance out of thousands #hamlet #hamlet production #shakespeare #hamlet prince of denmark #theatre

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depressedbagpipe · 11 months

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Enchanted (Prince Caspian x you)

Part II

Words: 3681 Warnings: caffeine, me forgetting how to properly write, also me forgetting the source material, ALSO me trying to write cute descriptions but failing miserably. A/N: again, i don't live in nyc, nor am i an architect so yeah. also, I'm taking for inspiration neil gaiman's short story 'the problem of Susan' that i haven't read so, again, don't look too much into it. sorry for the absence, but mental health is a bit scarce lately. Taglist: @just-levyy, @sergeantbuckybarnes

Part I - Part III

“Alright, tell me how you got here again?”

You sat your mug down on the coffee table, leaning back on the comfortable armchair as you stared at Caspian.

He sipped his mug, somewhat enjoying the bitter taste of the dark liquid his reticent host had served him.

“Well, I was enjoying my morning stroll around the Narnian woods, you know. Cair Paravel was a bit far but something in me made me continue walking. And then I found this… thing,” Caspian kept talking, yet the longer he went on, the more you frowned.

You tried to keep up with his retelling, only catching bits of information about lions and fauns, but everything that came out of his mouth became weirder by the second. Only after he finally closed his mouth you realized you still had no idea where this person had come from.

“Right… so, um, we’re talking about… some… extra-terrestrial experience? Paranormal, perhaps?” you tried again, but Caspian’s frown made you discard the idea rather quickly. “Alright, so Narnia. And who are these friends you’re looking for? The Pennies?”

“Pevensies,” he corrected you, but there was no malice in his deep voice.

“Right, Pevensies.Who are they?”

That threw Caspian into another tangent, describing how these friends of his were centuries-old royals who ruled before he did, but somehow made their way back a few years ago to help him fight his uncle.

Your coffee had gone cold by the time he finished. “So, like, is this some sort of… Hamlet situation?” you offered, failing to find the right words.

“Who is that?” he asked again.

“Hamlet?”

“Yeah.”

“You don’t know Shakespeare?”

“Shakespeare?”

“Forget it.”

“Alright.”

His accent was cute, at least, you thought. And what originally was fear of the strange man sleeping on your couch, now had been replaced by utter confusion.

“So, they’re British,” you spoke again.

“The Pevensies?”

“Yeah. You said they’re from England, right?” you asked.

“Yes, Spare Oom.”

“I don’t think that’s a place,” you frowned, your mind swirling with possibilities.

“Have you ever been there?” Caspian asked you, with big dark innocent eyes.

You shrugged. “I’ve been to London once if that counts.”

“Do you think you could help me?” he spoke, and again, his eyes seemed to speak their own language.

There was naivité, and anxiety, and kindness. It was safe to say you had never seen eyes such as those.

You shrugged again, picking up your coffee, if only to give your hands something to work on, and an excuse to ignore his piercing stare. “I guess. Do they have Facebook or something?” You cut Caspian before he could talk again, noticing the way his nose scrunched in confusion. “Alright, is there any number, or address, that we can track?”

Caspian’s frown didn’t waver.

“I… don’t think so,” he left his mug on the small table, bringing his hands together. He stared at them with a lost expression, and his shoulders seemed to get smaller with every breath he took.

It broke your heart to see him like this, even if you couldn’t even fathom where this strange man had come from.

You had woken up that morning with a clear mission: getting him out of your apartment. You blamed your migraine and your smeared cupcake, as you opened your eyes and turned in bed a few times before checking the hour. For a second, you even thought that it could’ve been a dream. A weird, unfiltered, and totally bizarre dream. This was New York, after all. You had definitely seen weirder. But then you heard a muffled thump from the other room, and you somehow knew your guest had fallen flat on the carpet, probably tangled in the blanket you had gracelessly covered him with before locking yourself in your room, and it all came crashing down on you again. You had let a complete stranger crash on your apartment, and though it wouldn’t be the first time, it still felt wrong for some reason. He wasn’t a regular man, but you still didn’t know what his presence would turn your life into.

You would have stayed in your bed forever, waiting for Caspian to get the memo and exit your life, but curiosity got the best of you, and slowly, you got up despite the slight chill that settled on your bones on the cold Monday morning, and you faced whatever fate had in store for you waiting on the other side of your door.

Making small talk had not been an option, either. As soon as Caspian saw you he stood up nervously, standing by your couch again with his hands behind his back and his hair ruffled. Again, you thought he looked cute. He had immediately tried to talk, but you had held a finger in the air.

“I need caffeine first,” you only responded.

You prepared two mugs, mentally facepalming yourself for not asking him whether he even wanted coffee, but you had never been a morning person and you had more important matters at hand.

And that’s how you had found yourself on the armchair, staring at Caspian with a small glare, only grasping bits of his story, but not enough to provide clarity about the hazy situation.

“Alright,” you said after taking a deep breath. “Well, Caspian…” you doubted. “Should I call you ‘your Majesty’ or something?” you asked him first.

He let a soft chuckle, and for a second, you believed that sound was the only existing key to happiness. “Just Caspian.”

“Well, just Caspian, let me be frank with you,” you prepared yourself, sitting straighter on your seat and looking at him with what you believed to be a ��harsh’ expression. “I still have no idea who you are, where you come from, and where you’re going. I still can’t believe I let you stay the night here, and, if I’m being honest, I’m having a bit of a hard time believing everything you just said,” you noticed Caspian’s sullen look, but you kept going. “I don’t know if you hit your head too hard on the concrete or if someone’s larping sword caused you some internal bleeding, but you need to understand that what you’re saying sounds insane. But,” you took a gulp, looking down at the floor for a second before meeting his somewhat hopeful gaze. “If what you’re saying is true… I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but I’ll help you.”

His entire face changed completely. A new spark illuminated his eyes, and it made you proud to be the cause of it. “Really?”

You found yourself nodding before you could answer. “Yeah. Though, it won’t probably be easy, Caspian. So, please, for your sake and mine, don’t put too much faith in this.”

He nodded, but his smile didn’t falter. And you wished it never would.

“Okay. I can promise that.”

“Good. Now, I guess we need to find out more about these friends of yours, right?”

He nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah. You would love Edmund.”

You nodded along, not even knowing who he was talking about. “Whatever you say, pretty boy.”

You said that as you got up, completely missing the faint blush on his cheeks.

***

Caspian looked ridiculous in your ex-boyfriend’s clothes. You had insisted he wore something different, take a shower, and have a proper meal, before even thinking about leaving your place that morning. Your ex had been a little shorter and lankier than him, so you couldn’t help to eye the way the shirt clung to his torso, making his arms look bigger. You even had to shake your head to physically remove your gaze from him, the casual attire feeling so domestic on him yet out of place. You didn’t fail to notice the many faint scars that littered his arms. For a second you wondered if he kept more of those hidden elsewhere, but you didn’t ask. It was small things like those that had you doubt your sanity. Every so often, you found yourself thinking that maybe he was being honest with you, but you didn’t give yourself time to think about what the repercussions would be if you were, indeed, hosting a fictional man on your couch from a different realm. A realm where animals talked and magic existed.

You had also profusely apologized for your cooking skills –several times. If he actually happened to be a king (which you doubted, but in the tiny odd chance that he was), you didn’t want to make a complete fool of yourself and throw him some burnt steak. You had felt this pressure before, especially with your parents, and even your ex, but with Caspian, it felt different. You had been looking carefully at him as he tasted his spaghetti, and the look of pure delight he sent you made you want to become a professional chef, even if the pasta was a bit undercooked and the sauce a bit too salty even for your taste. Anything to see his look again.

Caspian behaved like a newborn, and it didn’t help that he was a curious young man. You had noticed at first how he looked everywhere around your apartment, taking in every small detail, carefully touching and prodding whatever was in his sight. But now, two hours later, he had already made himself at home and clearly didn’t understand your annoyed faces and curt responses.

“So, you can communicate with other people through this?” he eyed your phone warily.

“Yup.”

“And you command it to do your bidding?”

“Sure.”

“Are you a witch?”

“I wish,” you laughed at his horrified expression. “I could send you back with a flick.”

Caspian looked seriously at you. “In my land, witches aren’t all that welcome.”

You frowned. “Damn, don’t tell me you guys are afraid of powerful women too.”

He didn’t get the sarcasm in your voice. “The last witch that ruled in Narnia almost destroyed my kingdom. If it hadn’t been for Aslan and the Pevensies, not even I would be here today.”

You wanted to joke, you really did. But his voice was grave and deep with emotion. One look at him was all it took for a chill to cover your lungs. But then again, you weren’t one to back down from a fight.

“And what did she do that was so horrible? Did she accidentally unleash an eternal winter over your land?” you joked. Your eyes swiftly moved towards your DVD collection, falling onto Frozen’s case.

“Yes.”

Thankfully, you weren’t drinking, otherwise, you would’ve choked to death.

He wasn’t looking at you anymore. His eyes were hard and set on the wall behind him.

“It happened a long time ago, but Narnians still fear those dark times.”

“I’m… sorry,” you answered, but it felt empty even to you.

He shook his head. “That’s why I need to go back. I don’t know what brought me here, but I cannot leave my kingdom unprotected. Only Aslan knows what sort of dangers they may be exposed to while I’m gone.”

This time, you properly looked at him. The creases in his forehead, and the worry evident in the bags under his eyes. He couldn’t be that much older than you, but for a second, his concerned words made it seem as if he held the weight of the world on his shoulders. And that was too much of a burden, even for him.

He was standing rather rigidly in your living room, lost in his memories, despite never having seen such horrors. But the legends, the myths, the songs, and the tales, were abhorrent. A world without light, and happiness, only ice. A world where magic was divided by magic itself, and he knew that too well. And despite having always been kind and generous, some sick joke of fate had brought him here, to you, and he still didn’t know where that was. He thought about his people, his kingdom, constantly. But the cotton of his dark green shirt felt soft on his scarred skin. Whatever product you had forced him to use in his hair smelled of fruits he hadn’t eaten in months and that weird long yellow-ish food you had made him had tasted better than it looked. He was feeling oddly energized as well, and you obviously didn’t mention the coffee to him. Maybe he would think you were a witch, too.

You broke the silence, unknowingly saving Caspian from himself. “You said Aslan’s good, right?”

He blinked. “Yes.”

“Then, maybe this is a bit of a stretch, but hear me out. If you’re this… all-generous king or whatever, and this… evil witch is long gone, who’s to say it wasn’t Aslan himself who brought you here?”

You surprised yourself with that question. Certainly, you did pay attention, after all.

Caspian looked at you, carefully considering your words. “It might be a possibility, yes.”

Nodding, you continued. “And your friends? They left because, and I quote, ‘learned everything Narnia had to teach them,’ right?”

He nodded, suddenly feeling desperate. “That’s right. Aslan himself told them.”

“Then who’s to say Aslan didn’t send you here because there’s something for you to learn as well?”

You were crazy. You sounded crazy. You couldn’t believe that you were playing into whatever Caspian’s game was, but it seemed pretty evident to you. If the king was right, it seemed the only possible explanation. And somehow you knew, the man before you wouldn’t hurt a butterfly, despite the faint scars in his bare arms telling you otherwise, as well as the sword propped against the entrance’s wall.

Caspian remained silent, but his eyes widened. He too knew you were right. Aslan wouldn’t do something as grand without a reason.

“Perhaps… finding my way back is part of the challenge,” he spoke slowly, setting his eyes on you.

You could only shrug. It felt like he was having this big spiritual moment, and you, ever so skeptical, didn’t know what else to offer him.

“Perhaps,” you repeated. “You know what they say. ‘Maybe the real treasure was the friends we made along the way,’” you joked.

Caspian didn’t seem to get that. “That certainly sounds wise, my lady.”

You nodded with a pout, looking anywhere but at him. “Alright. Let’s look for the Pennies.”

“Pevensies.”

“That’s what I said.”

***

“Hey, Anne,” you greeted the nice lady at the front desk of your favorite local library.

“Oh, hello, dear! Long time no see! How was your Thanksgiving? You spent it with your parents, did you not?” she greeted you back, throwing a thousand questions in your direction as she usually did.

Caspian noticed the way your shoulders tensed at the mention of your parents, and though he didn’t want to pry, he knew he would be soon asking you about that.

“Yeah, um, it was good. Listen, my friend and I are in a bit of a rush here,” you motioned to Caspian quickly. “Do you have any… information, on English families? Like their lineage? Possibly in the past century?”

Anne eyed you questioningly. “I think we do have some records around here, but it may take me a while to reach them,” she explained. “Why the sudden interest? Is this for your work?”

You nodded slowly, knowing there was no way you could explain your situation to anyone without them thinking you had suddenly gone mad. You still think you kind of were, but the man trailing after you like a lost puppy was a good indicator of the contrary.

“Indeed.”

Anne clapped delighted. “Well, in that case, I shall fetch those documents for you!” she quickly got up and disappeared through a narrow door, no doubt leaving for the archive behind her.

You sighed as you leaned on the desk, staring at the library where rows of books lined up the walls. Caspian copied your movement and he too stared at the nearly empty space before him.

“So, your work, huh?” he asked in a soft whisper.

Even though you were the only ones standing there, it felt wrong to speak any louder.

You nodded. “Yeah. It wouldn’t be the first time I had asked her for the weirdest things.”

“What do you do?”

You paused. “Spiritually, I’m an architect. In reality, I work at an office.”

“A what?”

You sighed again. “It’s this place, where you… work, pretty much every day. And you just… do stuff.”

Caspian looked at you, knowing there was more to it. But he also noticed the way you seemed to sigh more than necessary, and struggled to find the right words. It all kept adding to the mysterious puzzle you were, but Caspian wasn’t ready to ask yet.

He nodded in fake understanding, despite still having no idea what an office was. “Right. Sorry for asking.”

You shook your head. “It’s alright, really. I just… don’t really like my work that much.”

Caspian widened his eyes. “What do you ever mean? Architects in my country are treated as royalty. Creating any building is pretty much considered magic.”

You snorted. “Right. Well, I should’ve thought about that before moving to New York. There really isn’t that much space here to build anything anymore.”

“Then why do you keep living here, if you hate it so much? Aren’t you free to roam around your kingdom?”

You paused. You knew that, deep down, he was right. There really was nothing tying you to the city. Your family lived elsewhere, and you knew the scarce friends you had here wouldn’t miss you that much if you left. You liked your apartment, and the views, and the nightlife, but you knew other places in the world could offer you as much and more. You even thought about Caspian’s life in Narnia, and you wondered what your life would be like there.

Just his audacity made you angry. “It’s not that simple, Caspian.”

Thankfully you didn’t have to say anything else, because Anne was soon by your side once again, with several folders in her frail arms. Caspian quickly took the papers from her, and you raised your eyebrows when you noticed the way his arms flexed under the weight.

“Oh, thank you, dear. Okay, so I believe this is all we have. Be careful, some of them are really old and could easily fall out of their bindings,” she warned you, before sitting back down on her chair. “I’ll be here if you need me.”

“Thank you,” you said under your breath, your heart picking up for some reason.

You led Caspian towards the desk at the back, away from prying eyes and ears, and forced him to sit down next to you. It was your favorite spot, the quaint corner at the far end of the library, surrounded by literary classics that no one ever seemed to look for. A big window decorated one of the walls, giving you as much light as needed as you promptly opened all the folders and carefully placed them all over the table, fast eyes scanning the words.

“Alright, we already tried tracing your friends on the Internet and that didn’t work, so this is the best we got,” you said with a whisper, knowing Anne would not hesitate to throw you out if you made noise.

“Books are the pathway to knowledge,” Caspian said as he crossed his arms. Again, you couldn’t ignore the bulges that formed on his biceps.

You shook your head, registering his words. “Right.”

And that is how you spent the rest of the afternoon, reading about old English family lines, World War II’s mass mobilizations, and railway accidents that shook entire nations.

Your eyes were almost red by the time the sun finally set, and you couldn’t hide your yawns any longer. Caspian was in no better shape himself. At some point, he had dropped his head on the table and his eyes were almost closed. A few stray hairs were framing his face, even after you had put his hair in a small bun earlier. You totally didn’t enjoy the way its softness felt between your fingers, and Caspian totally didn’t close his eyes in enjoyment when he felt your hands tread through his wild mane.

And only after you yawned for what it felt like the hundredth time, you found something. Literature Professor Hastings, on childhood, fantasy lands, and grief. The article was one of the first things you quickly discarded, but as you looked around the papers, a sentence stuck out to you from one of the sprawled loose papers. “A family of four suddenly became a family of one.” You reached for it with a frown, and you would’ve read it entirely if it hadn’t been for the faint bell announcing the library’s closing time.

You shook Caspian awake, and though he pretended to not have been almost asleep, he got up anyway and helped you gather all the documents.

“Will you be keeping that?” he asked when he noticed the article in your hands.

With a bite of your lip, you nodded. “I don’t know why, but… I have a feeling.”

Caspian looked serious. “Then, by all means, keep it. Intuition is only a powerful ally in my world.”

You stared at him as you both walked back to the front desk, quickly giving everything back to Anne and checking the article out.

Stepping out of the library, you took a deep breath, turning to Caspian. You took a few seconds to admire the city lights reflected in his eyes, but you composed yourself. Not even twenty-four hours ago you were still on a train coming back to the city from a dreadful weekend, and now you were helping a random man go back to the kingdom of Narnia (which, according to Google, didn’t exist).

“Hey, remember what I said this morning? About not getting your hopes up?”

He nodded. “Yeah.”

“Good. We’re still at it.”

“Got it.”

“Dinner?”

Caspian smiled. You noticed the wrinkles in his eyes when he did so, and you thought you wouldn’t mind seeing those again.

“Sure.”

Part III

General Taglist: @angiewhoohooo, @azaleaniath, @mishaandthebrits, @celestialcharles

#prince caspian x reader #prince caspian x you #prince caspian fanfiction #the chronicles of narnia #enchanted #prince caspian au #bagpipe writes #the chronicles of narnia au #alternative universe

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owlish-owlhouse · 1 year

Text

Based on the fact Puritans weren't allowed to read Shakespeare

...

"Out of 37 plays I find 24 enjoyable. Romeo and Juliet wasn't the best way to describe love, but who doesn't love a good retelling of MacBeth or Hamlet?" You hum flipping a page to what you were reading.

"You've read Shakespeare?" He questions horrified.

"I have. Is something wrong?" You inquire smiling a little at his huffy response.

"He's forbidden literature. Crass and vulgar. A godly man and yet he acts as a sinner and writes sinful acts." He begins his little rant and you just nod not really paying attention.

"You know love you should read some of your people's forbidden texts. They're quite interesting. Having such arbitrary rules about what one must and must not enjoy seems primitive, you are all humans, you should choose what you do and don't want to read." You state watching as he goes stiff at the very idea of turning away from his values.

"You find humans savage?" He snaps and you wonder if you should kill your human lover now or later. You also wonder if he even heard what you'd said or just blocked you out.

"You're putting words in my mouth again Philip." You state unamused.

"... It goes against God." Humming not believing in his God he huffs before scooting closer to you. "What's it about?"

"That's what I thought." You state with a small smile as you begin to tell him your favorite human story.

#toh philip x reader #toh philip wittebane x reader #toh philip wittebane #philip x reader #philip wittebane #the owlhouse philip x reader #the owlhouse belos x reader #toh emperor belos x reader #toh emperor belos #belos toh #toh belos x reader #emperor belos #toh philip #just a little thing lol

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total-drama-takes-takes-2 · 6 months

Text

celebrity manhunt

Inside a small studio, a large desk wraps around two seats, an orange striped background and TV monitor decorating the set behind them. In one seat, a tight-faced, full-lipped gentleman with stark black hair holds a bouquet of cue cards. Next to him, a tight-faced redhead in a blue dress is holding a clearly empty mug.

“It’s a beautiful night here in Toronto, perfect temperature for the TV event of the season- that’s right, everyone- it’s time for the Gemmy’s!”

The gentleman fixes his bowtie. “We’re reporting live, just a block away from the action- it’s your faves, Josh-”

“And Blaineley!” the ginger cuts in. “Welcome to a very special episode of Celebrity Manhunt! Tonight is the night, folks- it’s time for gossip, cheer, and chatter about this year’s nominees!”

“Who will be taking home the gold? Stay tuned to find out!”

“Josh, that was my line,” Blaineley hisses. He rolls his eyes.

“In only half an hour, our field reporters will be walking the red carpet with this season’s celebrity stars- until then, let’s catch up with the juiciest gossip from the past year,” Josh grins. “With a special focus on our personal faves, and the audience choice’s- the Total Takes Island cast!”

“Those teens braved it all on the newly-resurfaced Wawanakwa island, competing in death-defying challenges and looking fly while doing it!” Blaineley squeals. “Just to come back for another season of screams, screams, and crazy teens on the set of Total Takes Action!”

“Those are some brave contract holders, especially after watching what happened to the other casts,” John winks. “And like our blasts from the past, these teens have scored a nomination in the category for Best Reality Ensemble.”

“Let’s cross our fingers for them this time, Josh,” Blaineley chuckles. Her smile seems forced. “But before then, let’s catch our audience up to speed with everything that’s happened since Total Takes Action closed its doors- or should I say, gates?”

"Sure thing, Blain- from breakups to makeups to arrest records and more, our stars have had a lot going on for them!" Josh grins. "O has been living the high life back home, but not before starting an advocacy group for those who were negatively affected by the psychiatric healthcare system. Peter was spotted giving a promise ring to his girlfriend, Lois- still going strong! And Kitty's been banned from at least eight national parks in the United States so far,"

"Speaking of spectacles, let’s talk about Alistair’s award-winning performance as Disco Horatio in the viral Broadway musical 70’s Hamlet, a pop-infused retelling of the classic play,”

“Alistair’s performance was so good that he even found himself a brand new fanbase of Hamlet-crazed fangirls- some of which have been taking things a little too far,”

An image of Alistair’s character in a Miku binder fixes itself on screen. It's been autographed.

“Yikes- but hey, if he's owning it, then more power to him! Next up, we're talking about the pop sensation band that’s been on everyone’s minds- that’s right, guys, we’re talking the Takes Three trio!”

Blaineley grins as a sequence of images of McLovin, Sha-Mod, and Joner starts overlaying the screen. “Our Total Takes faves shocked the world when they released their first album, Boi Tearz, to widespread critical acclaim,”

“The rap-swing-darkwave fusion has been called “surprisingly tolerable” by critics, leading the Takes Three to their own claim to fame outside of reality TV. Make sure to stay tuned, because we'll have them right here after the break!”

---

The Celebrity Manhunt logo flashes across screen and then fades as the studio comes into focus. McLovin, Sha-Mod, and Joner are all sitting beside each other at the end of the table, wearing matching outfits.

"Takes Three- you've been called international pop sensations by at least six Twitter users. How do you respond?"

"We're just grateful for our fans," Joner says, shrugging. "Making music for the world to enjoy is a rite of passage where I'm from."

Blaineley blinks. "The Midwest?"

"Yeah, it's been crazy. We've been signing all kinds of notepads!" Sha-Mod nods. "Big ones, little ones, ones shaped like circles..."

"I didn't even know you could make circle paper," McLovin shakes his head. "Our tour has been world-changing."

"Eye-opening," Sha-Mod agrees. "And to thank you for inviting us on the show, we wrote a song for you. Ready, guys?"

All three reach under their chairs and pull out three sets of bongos. They look between each other.

"I though I was bringing the bongos," McLovin says.

"No, you were bringing the synthesizer. I was bringing the bongos!" Joner responds.

"I thought you were taking the triangle!"

Blaineley and Josh look at each other, then back to the trio.

“So, boys, how has skyrocketing to commercial and financial success affected your bonds on a scale from “a lot” to “IMPOSSIBLE to ignore!”?” Blaineley asks, grinning widely. The three stop bickering and immediately turn to her.

“You know, we’re actually closer than ever,” McLovin states, matter-of-factly. “Our music is a really hands-on creative process.”

“Yeah, can’t have rap-swing-darkwave without the swing!” Sha-Mod smiles, setting down the bongos. "Or the rap- or the darkwave!"

Joner nods. “It's been chill. Our new album-”

“BORING!” Blaineley shouts, pulling a lever behind her. The floor under the three musicians disappears and they scream as they disappear. "All I heard there was "blah blah blah" let's get to the real juicy gossip, shall we? It looks like it’s finally splitsville for Patjulia.”

Josh chuckles. “Oh, yes, after months of vicious dating, our sources indicate that those villains-to-be have finally called it quits- and publicly, at that. Our undercover reporters came across this juicy little tidbit. Roll the tape!”

---

The monitor fizzles to life and focuses on the inside of a restaurant that looks like a tornado went through it. A chair flies across the screen and the camera whirls around to one side of the room, where Julia is screaming and throwing furniture.

“I should’ve NEVER even TALKED to you!”

The camera pans around to the other side of the room, where Patrick throws a handful of spaghetti back. “You should be HONORED I gave you the time of the day!”

“Your hair looks like a dead rat got glued to your head!”

“That’s rich, coming from a fake blonde!”

“IT’S NOT FAKE! We are so over!”

“You’re not breaking up with me! I’m breaking up with you!”

Julia throws a table and it sends Patrick flying across the room and straight out the back wall, creating a him-shaped hole in the plaster. He screams one final "YAHHH OH HOO HOOEY!!" as he goes flying.

---

“Yikes,” Josh chuckles. “That’s gonna leave a mark!”

“Where’s Scruffy during all this, you may ask? Well, they’re busy interning for Sierra of Reality, Weekly!” Blaineley announces.

An image of Scruffy wearing a pair of sunglasses and an earpiece, walking beside a woman with dark brown hair in her 30s flashes across the screen.

"What an upgrade from Total Takes, wouldn't you say?"

"Oh absolutely- especially after Wawanakwagate,"

Blaineley nods. "But, speaking of relationships- Bonsar- to date or not to date?”

Josh grins. “That IS the question! The two best friends were seen holding hands downtown, sending fans WILD! In a recent press statement, Caesar did little to calm the masses,”

---

The monitor changes scenes to a press conference. Standing before a crowd of reporters and microphones, Caesar adjusts his bow tie and clears his throat while Bonnie is sitting on the stage, playing on their Switch.

“I just want to restate that Bonnie and I are under no obligation to explain anything to the press,”

A reporter waves his hand. “So are you dating or not?”

Caesar smacks his forehead.

---

"Looks like trouble in paradise to me, Blain!"

"You said it, Josh! You know who's been sailing on smooth seas lately, though? Maxchela!"

"OMG, totally! Fans are still swooning over Max and Michela after they were named Reality couple of the year by Reality, Weekly,"

“Unfortunately, we here at Celebrity Manhunt were unable to reach the two for comment. Luckily, our star reporter under the pseudonym “Noco”, was able to get the inside scoop!” Blaineley smiles.

The camera pans over to Noco, who’s half-shadowed to protect his identity. He clears his throat. “I just want to say, first of all, that my findings have reliable and true evidence behind them,”

He stands and pulls a poster down behind him- revealing a screen covered in images of Max and Julia with strings between them. “Let’s say, hypothetically, that Maxchela was staged,”

The light above him suddenly flickers on. He sighs.

“OOOKAY THEN!” Blaineley says, redirecting the camera back over to her. “More on that later! In the meantime, we have a very special guest joining us today- one you Canadian viewers at home might recognize right away as the household name of the month!"

Josh grins. “When Chris McLean’s arrest became an international media sensation, sparking thousands of internet “memes” after his mugshot went viral, there was one name to take the claim to fame,”

“Toronto Environmental Coalition’s own leader, Albert, led an independent investigation of Wawanakwa after former contestant Scary came forward with a case- but it was him who found evidence of illegal radioactive materials on the island,” Blaineley continues, images of the investigation flashing across the screen. "The case brought international attention to the Coalition, and to Albert himself."

“The scandal broke the Wawanakwa mystery wide open. Here with us today is Canada's sweetheart, Albert,”

The camera zooms out and reveals a third person at the table. Albert- a teenage boy with dark brown hair, wearing a gray windbreaker- adjusts his lav mic and then smiles awkwardly.

“So, Albert- since your case went viral, you’ve been called a top-notch advocate, a genius, even a national hero. How does it feel to be getting all this attention?”

He thinks for a moment. “Um… well, I suppose at the end of the day the only thing that matters is the coalition, and the attention has drawn in a lot of donations!”

“Yeah, whatever,” Blaineley chuckles. “You’re the star of an international scandal- you’re a hero! How does it feel?”

“Uh… fine. I guess. What I’d really prefer talking about is the monthly agenda for the TEC, we’re planning on hosting a protest at a meat processing plant in-”

Josh clears his throat. “Our sources indicate that you and Scary were an item at one point. Is this true?”

Albert goes pale. “I- um, no comment, thank you,” he then leans in to whisper. “I thought we were going to be talking about the coalition.”

“On this show? No chance!” Blaineley shouts, startling him and sending him flying backwards. “Celebrity Manhunt is about the drama, drama, drama!”

Albert cringes. “Is there anything else we can talk about, then?”

"We can talk about the juicy, juicy drama happening on the red carpet right now," Blaineley chuckles. "Looks like the first of the cast has arrived to the Poultry Pals sponsored Gemmy's!"

Albert holds up a finger. "Um- what was that last part? The sponsor?"

Josh leans in, his palm against his face. He whispers. "Since ratings have gone down, award shows have corporate sponsors now. Turns out the meat industry is bananas for awards!"

"That's- that's the business I'm supposed to be protesting," Albert stands. "I have to go!"

He runs out of the room, and Blaineley rolls her eyes. "Guess we know why Chris McLean was acquitted and found innocent, huh?"

Josh chuckles. "That we do, Blain. That we do. But let's talk about these red carpet looks, cause honey these contestants are serving!"

---

The red carpet outside the Gemmy's is surrounded by shouting fans and photographers. O waves as he walks inside the building, followed shortly by Alistair, then McLovin, both so preoccupied with waving to the crowd that they crash into each other.

Another limo pulls up on the scene and Peter steps out with a short ginger. She shows off her promise ring to the paparazzi and giggles.

Peter and Alistair fistbump as they reach the door.

"Aw, how sweet. Friends forever!" Blaineley's voice overlays the scene.

"It's nice to see those teens getting along," Josh adds. "Ope- and there's Scary, just released from the lead prison she was stuck in from radioactivity!"

Scary arrives next, her hair dyed a warm honey brown. She makes a show of coughing and wheezing as he exits his limo in a wheelchair, then rolls up the carpet.

"My, my, aren't they looking just proper?" Blaineley tsks. "I love that shade of brown on her!"

A photographer gets too close with his camera and Scary stands, beating him over the head with her wheelchair, before sitting back down in it and rolling indoors.

"What a stellar start to the most anticipated award season EV-AR!" Josh squeals. "Let's check in with Noco on the field."

---

“Reporting live from… wherever I am,” Noco says, squinting. He’s holding a microphone and looking around, slightly annoyed. The cast looks relatively tame, most just merrily chatting with each other. “Here's, uh, I don't know. Austin or whatever. Hey, Austin, you and Kelly get back together?"

"No, baby, I've been single and free! To hell with monogamy!" Austin shouts, flipping on a pair on sunglasses, tearing off his shirt and running off screaming.

Noco stares into the camera. “Now can I do my Maxulia bit?”

“Um. No,” Blaineley says, still in the studio. “What is UP with these drama-less hacks?! Someone get Ass and Courtney here, pronto!”

Noco rolls his eyes and walks down the carpet, approaching Courtney, who’s catching up with Bonnie. “Comment?” Noco asks.

“Hm?” Courtney turns, then blinks. “Um, comment on what?”

“Ass,”

“Ugh. None, thank you!”

“I heard that!” Ass shouts from across the carpet. Courtney rolls their eyes.

Staci and Mal walk down the carpet next to each other, arguing about welding. Noco sighs. “Now can I-”

“NO!” Blaineley and Josh yell in unison.

Michela, walking alongside Max, stops suddenly and puts her hands on her hips. “Does this venue feel a little empty to anyone else?”

The camera zooms out- the group is on a carpet, but there's no reporters, no photographers, no fans to be seen.

“No, I see what you mean. I was thinking there’d be more… I don’t know, people,” Max says, then sighs.

“Did we get the right address?” Scruffy asks. “I mean, we’re all here, so we got sent the same e-vite, right?”

Mal pulls out her phone and reads intently. “Yep. This is the place,”

Another limo pulls up and Julia and Patrick stumble out, shouting at each other and having a slap-fight.

Joner and Sha-Mod look between each other. "Hey," the latter says. "Did we lose McLovin?"

Kelly walks up to the two and puts their hand right above their eyes, shielding their vision from the fluorescent lighting. "I don't see him,"

"Who else are we missing?" Michela asks. But before anyone can do a head count, a voice rings out from the distance.

"WAIT! WAIT! DON'T GO IN YET!" it shouts. The crowd turns in the direction it's coming from and Albert runs up, then collapses on the carpet, wheezing. "Don't go in..." he coughs. "Protest..."

"What's this supposed to be?" Ass asks, putting their hands on their hips.

Albert takes a moment to compose himself, then stands. He dusts off his windbreaker and pants, then pulls a small card out of his pocket. It reads "TEC Charter: LEADER".

"My name is Albert, and I am condemning this award show on behalf of the Toronto Environmental Coalition!"

"What award show, Einstein?" Ass snaps. "There's nothing out here!"

Albert looks around. Nothing but crickets. "Oh,"

Bonnie sighs and walks past him, approaching the doors of the supposed venue. “Let me guess-” they open one and the entire front of the building collapses. "Yep. Thought as much,"

“It’s CARDBOARD?!” Caesar shouts. “My hair took FOUR HOURS to do!”

“This has got to be some kind of Chris thing,” Staci says, crossing her arms. “Maybe it’s a scavenger hunt.”

“Oh, no, no way. I am not playing these little games again,” Ass says. “I’m going home.”

“Hey, everyone, we're still missing people,” Kelly says.

Austin pops out of nowhere. “Yeah, baby, where’s the rest of the party at?”

Courtney does a quick headcount, then thinks for a moment. "I don't see O, Scary, Kitty, McLovin, Alistair, or Peter,"

"Kitty's in an Australian prison," Patrick says nonchalantly. Everyone turns to him. "What?"

"Never mind that. We need to figure out what's going on," Michela says, hands on her hips again.

Mal chuckles from across the carpet. "Guys, you should see this,"

The crowd hesitantly approaches her, peering over her shoulder to see a live broadcast of the Gemmy's on her phone.

"And the award for Best Reality Ensemble goes to... the teens of Total Takes!" the announcer shouts.

Peter, O, McLovin, and Alistair look nervously around their seats, as if trying to catch a glimpse of where everyone else disappeared to.

"Oh, crap," Julia sighs. "We got sent the wrong damn address."

"Are you guys watching the Gemmy's?" a voice from ahead pipes up. The crowd diverts their attention from Mal's phone to see a scrawny boy standing on the street in front of them, drinking a slurpee loudly. "Cause it's a total hack. It's rigged by the woke police."

"Who are you?" Ass asks, crossing their arms.

"I'm Phillip, but you can call me Alejandro," he says confidently. "I was just out training, to fight SJWs. You know how it is."

He does a few karate punches. No one seems very impressed.

"Do you know where the Gemmy's are?" Courtney chimes in.

"Oh, yeah. They're way across town. They're wrapping up soon, anyway, you shouldn't bother with them. Everything comes to an end, after all,"

"Ooookay," Michela says. Max rolls his eyes.

"Do you guys ever think about how red slurpees make your mouth look like you've been drinking blood... heh... just me, then... I have a twisted mind,"

"Am I dead?" Ass turns to Courtney. "Did I die and go to hell?"

"Enough whining. I'm going home," Bonnie snaps.

"NOT so fast!" A voice shouts. The sound of a helicopter hanging overhead makes everyone jump and turn skywards. Chris McLean pilots the aircraft, making a smooth landing in front of the teens (but not before sending Phillip and Austin flying in the wind).

The disgraced host steps out of his helicopter, grinning. "You teens have a contract to uphold!"

"What is going on?" Caesar demands. "This wasn't in my contract!"

"Oh, right. You're "exempt" because of your "lawsuit"," Chris air quotes, rolling his eyes. "Bonnie, on the other hand..."

Caesar pales. Bonnie chimes in. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about a brand-spanking-new season of Total Takes- that's right- we're doing TOTAL TAKES: WORLD TOUR!"

No one makes any noise besides Scruffy, who squeals in delight.

"Thank you. Glad to see someone's excited,"

"Okay, let me get this straight," Julia starts. "You lie to us about the Gemmy's location, drag us to the middle of nowhere in Toronto, make us hang out with these freaks-" she gestures to Albert and Phillip. "And Now you're saying we have to do ANOTHER SEASON?"

"Man, you guys need better lawyers," Chris chuckles. "You have a long, long few weeks coming for ya."

The teens look between each other nervously.

"And not only you- as your contract dictates, any and all at the time of casting are required to join- that means you," Chris points to Albert. "And you," he points to Phillip, plastered against a nearby wall.

"You cannot be serious," Ass says. "I want to talk to your lawyers!"

"No can do, buddy. This is set in stone. See you all soon!"

He chuckles as he gets back into his helicopter and starts off, leaving the cast abandoned. They look at each other one last time before the screen fades to black.

#total takes action #total takes world tour #tta #ttwt #celebrity manhunt

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