Okay, I'm really gonna cry, this was beautiful...
You writing is so nice and this story was such a comfort to me. I was so sad when it ended, but now at least I can go back and read it whenever I want! Just to see that yeah, they're all jerks, but when one of their own is hurting, that's the time when coming together means the most, and it's serious time. This story felt like one big, warm hug for my little rainclouds. Again, thank you for taking my request and writing this, I love everything about it!ššš
Heyo! š hope you're doing well! If you are taking requests right now, maybe some Ichi hurt/comfort? Like maybe he's having a depressive episode one day (me? Projecting? It's more likely than you think š) unlike any he's ever had before, and he just doesn't have the strength to do anything, even make snippy remarks at any of his brothers. One (or all, you can pick!) of them notices this odd behavior, and makes it their mission to help him feel a little more like his old self, even if that just means "riding out the storm" with him.
Oof this was really long, lol sorry š but thanks for taking the time to read, I love your writing style! Take care! š
eyyy don't be sorry! God I REALLY enjoyed writing this... I love how it turned out
sometimes these guys can be jerks, for sure, even when one of their own is in pain
but... when it's serious... THIS BEAUTIFUL SHIT HAPPENS
please enjoy Ichi being spoiled and surrounded by love from all his brothers because HE DESERVES IT and I love how this turned out <3
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Ichimatsuās first (and maybe only) mistake is that he assumes his brothers donāt pay that much attention to him one way or the other unless he speaks up.
Or, maybe itās that he often hopes they donāt.
Because he knows they care; there are little things they all do that remind him that no matter what, they love him. But they all have their own things to do, and most of the time he finds that best. They should be able to do whatever they like instead of wasting their lives making him feel better. He has a bad day or hates himself so much of the time, if they paid him attention whenever he wasnāt doing well, theyād never get to enjoy themselves with other things.
He cares about them, too. So usually heād rather they occupy themselves with their own interests whenever heās not feeling well. He can bury things deep inside and pretend those shitty feelings donāt exist and act almost normal. As normal as someone like him can act, anyway. For their sake. They donāt deserve to worry about him.
Today, heās too tired for whatever reason. His scathing barbs and negative attitude on most days arenāt really fakeā¦ on the bad days, though, he can force his typical demeanor so nobody suspects heās not fine. All they see is sour-faced, ill-tempered fourth brother Ichimatsu.
He canāt even do that much right now. Itās as if the weight of existence and his own mind is pulling him down, further and further, until heās drowning in his thoughts. Horrible thoughts. Things telling him heās worthless, a failure, a burden, good for nothing, should probably be deadā¦ too many things to keep track of.
If he were trying not to get his brothersā attention by being quiet and listless, it isnāt working. In fact, his current behavior has actually done the opposite.
While heās lying in the corner of the room, curled around himself and wishing he could fall asleep to avoid dealing with these thoughts and feelings, the others are around their table muttering among themselves.
āYou guys noticed he barely touched breakfast, right?ā Osomatsu is the first to speak up, and heās doing his best not to look at Ichimatsu too much, simply because he doesnāt want his younger brother to feel everyoneās eyes on him. Heās pretty sure that would just make matters worse.
Choromatsu hums in agreement. āYeah, no, he just kind of stared into his teaā¦ he might have taken a sip or two, but thatās about it. I donāt think he even ate any rice.ā
āDid he even brush his teeth this morning?ā Totty speaks up. āOr his hair? It looks messier than usual, and I was the last one in the bathroom before breakfast, and it didnāt look like his toothbrush had been used.ā
āAlso,ā Karamatsu chimes in, āI believe that is the same outfit he wore yesterday. He didnāt sleep in it, but he put it back on when he got up even though it hasnāt been washed.ā
Choromatsu frowns and steals a quick glance at the fourth eldest. āLike heā¦ didnāt wanna think about picking something different out, huh? Andā¦ itās kind of worrying that he didnāt brush his teeth or hair. I mean, thatās basic hygiene. Itās like heās depressed orā¦ someā¦ thingā¦ā
Suddenly a light bulb goes off, and the rest of the brothers exchange a concerned look with each other.
āOh,ā is all Osomatsu says for a moment. Then, āFuck.ā
Before anyone else can breathe a word, Jyushimatsu leans back away from the table and collapses with his head in Ichimatsuās lap. āAaaah, Ichimatsu-nii-chan! Baseball practice today? We can do it at the beach!ā
Ichimatsu hardly flinches at the abrupt contact, but really itās because he doesnāt even have the strength to be startled. He doesnāt move to push Jyushimatsu off or bounce his leg to dissuade the him from staying or anything. Itās a moment until he actually says anything, like a delayed reaction from a computer. āUh. Not today, Jyushi. Iām probably gonna take a nap.ā
āHmmmmmmmā¦ oh, I know! Iāll nap with you! Maybe weāll dream about baseball!ā
All the others watch closely, waiting to see if he gives an average Ichimatsu reaction. Instead, he doesnāt even shrug. āYeah, if you want.ā
Obviously, thatās not what they would be expecting from any other day. They all look at each other again, minus Jyushimatsu who just curls up against his big brotherās side.
Ichimatsu, on the other hand, is so out of it in his own head that he doesnāt realize that heās done anything to worry his brothers. They should all be paying attention to their own shit, right?
He just feels so exhausted despite that he knows he slept okay last night. All he did this morning was wake up and get out of bed and already heāsā¦ drained.
Youāre so lazy. You canāt even put together the energy it takes to read a fucking magazine or something? To do nothing like you usually do? What kind of loser doesnāt have enough energy to do something like watch TV?
What the hell is wrong with you?
He cringes at the sound of his own inner voice berating him, and ducks his head down between his knees. Shit. Everything hurts. Isnāt that right, though? Heās useless. It doesnāt take any effort to just sit somewhere watching TV or reading and yet heās not even willing to do something like that.
Even though he expects that Jyushimatsu might want to hang out with him, because the two of them are close, he doesnāt anticipate it when Osomatsu comes over and sits himself down across from Ichimatsu. At least, he thinks itās Osomatsu. He doesnāt really feel like lifting his head fully; it looks like a red hoodie, though.
āUh, hey, Ichimacchan.ā Osomatsu feels a little awkward at first, mainly due to the fact that heās never sure what to do when Ichimatsu is in one of ātheseā moods. What works on one day might not work the next time. Previous experience is all he has to draw on, though.
āI noticed you didnāt eat too much at breakfastā¦ you in the mood for something sweet?ā Tempting him with one of their favorite treats might put him in better spirits, at least for a minute. āThereās a box of imagawayaki on the counterā¦ thereās three in there, so we can split āem. Mom said these ones have chocolate cream in them.ā
Everyone else lets out a blissful sigh as they all think about how delicious thatās going to be. Bean paste or custard or even regular cream is always good, but chocolate cream? If they had to fight over those, someone might end up dead.
Ichimatsu offers a shrug in his brotherās direction. āSure, if you guys want. Iām just not that hungry.ā
Osomatsu frowns, and looks over toward Choromatsu whoās thankfully recovered from the imagawayaki imagine spot. None of the brothers would ever turn that down. Even if they werenāt necessarily hungry, theyād make room for something that good. Moreover, given that Ichimatsu didnāt eat anything at breakfast, he should be starving,especially for sweets.
Choromatsu makes his way over, setting a careful hand on Ichimatsuās shoulder. He doesnāt have any more of a clue what to do than their eldest, so heās flying by the seat of his pants just as much. Something has to be doneā¦ they canāt just let poor Ichimatsu suffer. āIchimacchan? Itās pretty cold today. How about I turn on the kotatsu, and if youāre gonna nap, you can sleep with your legs under it? That might feel nice.ā
Well. That does sound nice, Ichimatsu thinks, because curling up under the heat of the kotatsu is always nice in the winter. Butā¦ heās pretty sure he doesnāt have the energy to even move from this spot. āOh, yeahā¦ Iāll probably just nap here, though. Donāt really feel like moving.ā
āAaah, but you are cold, arenāt you? I can hear your teeth chattering from all the way over here!ā Karamatsu is up in an instant, tugging his leather jacket off his shoulders. Although it leaves him in nothing but a tank top ā and a horribly plain grey one, at that ā itās a necessary sacrifice for his little brotherās comfort.
He hurries over to where everyone else is gathering and gently drapes the jacket over Ichimatsuās shoulders. āHmphā¦ Karamatsu to the rescue as usual! Youāre looking cozier already.ā
Man,Ichimatsuās mind comes up with, I try on Shittymatsuās dumbass jacket one time and suddenly heās coming up with any excuse to put the stupid thing over me. Do I really want him freezing instead of me? Why donāt I just move my ass over to the kotatsu? Heās gonna catch a cold and itāll be all my fault because my stubborn ass didnāt move and he took pity on me.
God, I wanna die. Theyāre all falling all over themselves to do shit to cheer me up when they should be focusing on themselves. Iām fucking trash, making my brothers waste all their damn time on me. Why couldnāt I just do stuff and not make them worry?
āā¦ Ichimatsu-nii-san?ā Totty has plopped himself down in front of Ichimatsu, staring in concern at his big brother. Fuck. Heās using that eye voodoo of his, and if he says anything, if he asks Ichimatsu a question, heās gonna get an honest answer despite the fact that Ichimatsu doesnāt want to admit anything.
He canāt help it, though. Tottyās hand is soft as he reaches up toward Ichimatsuās face, thumbing away tears that Ichimatsu didnāt even realize heād started to cry. But his youngest brother is delicate in the way he brushes them, so caring and tender that any little bit of strength Ichimatsu had to keep things hidden away crumbles quickly.
āHehe,ā Totty chuckles, though there isnāt a genuine mirth behind it, āyouāre not having a good day, Ichimatsu-nii-sanā¦ are you?ā
He blinks, and more tears start to drip down his cheeks. This time Totty doesnāt make a move to wipe them away, instead staring at his brother with those big, sad doe eyes, glittering with sympathy.
Ichimatsu lets his head drop again, eyes pressing against his arm and tears soaking into his sleeve. āN-no,ā he manages to say in a quiet, insecure, small voice. He hates it. He hates making this stupid confession, because he should be able to take care of himself. His brothers donāt need to be huddled around him, pissing their days down the drain. āIāmā¦ Iām having a bad day.ā
With that, itās like all five of them attach themselves to him all at once. Thereās a brief cacophony of worry and reassurances, and a hug Ichimatsu almost loses himself inside of.
āAlright, you hear that, guys?ā Osomatsu announces, maybe a bit louder than he really needs to. āIchimatsuās having a bad day! Woohoo!ā
Choromatsu scoffs. āAh, āwoohooā?? Osomatsu, you idiot! This isnāt a good thing!ā
Osomatsu pulls away to rub a finger under his nose with a grin. āHey, sure it is! He said it, didnāt he? Good for you, Ichimacchan! Youāre having a bad day and you said so! Remember what happened when Totty kept junk from us? We need to know this shit! Iām glad you said something!ā
Karamatsuās hand tousles Ichimatsuās hair as he pulls his brother into a hug. āYes, Osomatsu is right. Youāre having a bad day, Ichimatsu, and thatās just fine. It takes a lot of bravery to admit it, so weāre proud of you.ā
āPlus, weāre gonna make this the best bad day ever!ā Totty hums. Heās whipped his phone out before anyone can so much as blink, typing away on it. āItās just about lunch time, so Iām gonna order some takeout! Ichimatsu-nii-san, what sounds good? Curry? Sushi? Oohā¦ maybe fried chicken? We donāt do that too oftenā¦ might be a nice treat! Oh, itās your call, though.ā
Osomatsu gives Ichimatsu a tiny bump on the shoulder with his fist. āYou and Totty figure that out while I go cut that imagawayaki for us. Be right back, guys.ā
ā¦ Am I in the fucking Twilight Zone or something? What the hell???
Ichimatsu lifts his head just a little, looking at all his brothers. Tottyās on his phone looking at delivery options, Osomatsu is headed to the kitchen, Jyushimatsu is nuzzled against his sideā¦
None of them are leaving him by himself. They all still want to be here even when his mood sucks ass. Even when he canāt really do anything for himself. Even when heās being a huge fucking pain and a thorn in their sides and doing literally nothing to contribute to the day.
What the hell are they all doing? Why are they all fine with wasting their day taking care of him?
When Karamatsu presses a couple of tissues into his hand, Ichimatsu somehow finds the energy to use them to wipe his face. Fuck, he hates crying, and he hates people seeing him cry. āDonāt do this,ā he mumbles. āYouāre fucking morons. You have better shit to do thanā¦ā
āNo way!ā Jyushimatsu aggressively snuggles against the side of Ichimatsuās stomach, circling his arms around his brotherās waist. āWhat better shit could weeeee have to do? Weāre shitty NEETs!ā
Choromatsu chuckles. āBesides, thereās literally nothing more important than taking care of each other, especially when one of us is down and out. Ichimatsu, youā¦ know none of us are shy when it comes to being honest. So, justā¦ try to believe us when we say thereās nothing weād rather be doing than being with you right now.ā
He straightens up, then gingerly taps Jyushimatsu with his foot. āHey, Jyushi, how about you scoot yourself and Ichimatsu over to the kotatsu? And Totty, are you really gonna make a delivery driver come out in this weather? Itās almost below freezing! Why donāt you go get it yourself?ā
āExcuse you, but if they havenāt shut down the delivery option, why shouldnāt I take advantage of it? I donāt wanna leave Ichimatsu-nii-san!ā
āOkay, okayā¦ I guess thatās fair. What are you ordering, again?ā
āAaaah, I dunno! I was waiting for Ichimatsu-nii-san to say what he feels like.ā
Meanwhile, Jyushimatsu has somehow gotten himself and Ichimatsu over to the kotatsu, and is currently shoving his big brotherās legs under it while Choromatsu moves to plug it in. āHome run, YEAH! Your tootsies will be toasty in no time, Ichimatsu-nii-san!ā
āO-ohā¦ thanks, Jyushiā¦ā Thatās about all he can say, really. Heās slumped over the table in a matter of seconds, and although thereās no way it can support the weight of everything he feels like heās being crushed under, feels a little more relaxing than holding himself in a tight ball in the corner.
Heās going to cry again. Heās pretty sure heās going to cry again. His brothers, his selfish, douche-a-holic, demon brothersā¦ would rather be taking care of him on a bad day than out doing their own things, not touching him or his shitty mood with a ten-foot pole.
Jyushimatsu is cuddled up on one side, and he can feel Karamatsu settling in on the other with an arm around Ichimatsuās shoulders. Thatās it. Heās surrounded by brothers and their warm, selfless-for-once-in-their-lives affection. He has to surrender. He doesnāt stand a chance.
His mind drifts back to the others. āOhā¦ Tottyā¦ā
āOh! Yeah, mhm?ā
āUmā¦ curry sounds good, I guess.ā
The impossibly huge smile on his youngest brotherās face comes through even when he speaks. āOh, great! Curry it is! Okaaaay, Iām gonna get it from that nice place in town. You want it with rice or udon? Or do you want curry bread?ā
āUhhā¦ just with rice.ā
āRice, okay, sounds good! Beef, chicken, or pork?ā
āHuhā¦ you mentioned fried chicken, now that sounds good. Does that place do curry rice with tonkatsu on top?ā
āOoohā¦ that does sound good. Yeah, I think thereās an option for that. Chicken tonkatsu with curry rice, then?ā
āYeah.ā
āGotcha. Is that what everybody wants?ā
āYeah, Totty,ā Choromatsu injects, ājust order the same thing for everybody. Weāll all eat that.ā
āOkay, what about sides? Does anyone want fukujinzuke or rakkyÅ?ā
āGeez, justā¦ just get half of each and we can divide it up if anyone wants any.ā
āOkaaay! Iām not ordering drinks from there, thoughā¦ too expensive. We have tea here. Oh, Iāll get a few orders of pork curry bread, too, in case we want a snack later.ā
āWell, make sure you get either three or six.ā
āYeahhhh, Cherrymatsu, Iām not stupid! Iāll just get three; Iām fine buying some, but Iām not trying to go broke! Does that sound okay, Ichimatsu-nii-san? The curry bread for later?ā
It takes a moment, but finally Ichimatsu lets out a breathy, almost tearful laugh as he leans against Karamatsuās shoulder. āTottyā¦ youāre trying to fatten me upā¦ you witchā¦ youāre gonna cook me and eat meā¦ thatās your plan, huh?ā¦ā
The whole room erupts into a small fit of laughter, even Totty whoās blushing at being teased. Ichimatsu feels Karamatsu press a kiss to his head, and he sighs. Usually he wouldnāt be able to take all of thisā¦ the attention, and Totty blabbering away, and Choromatsu trying to be responsible, andā¦ everything.
At the moment, it feels right. Like things are supposed to be this way. Like heās supposed to be having a bad day so his brothers can all gather around him and remind him that regardless of anything else, when one of them needs their brothers, everyone is going to be there.
Maybe he needed that reminder.
Maybe they all did.
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I haven't had a day like that in at least a year, thankfully, but fuck do I remember them. This fic is so comforting, thank you for posting it šššš
Silence Speaks
Summary: Virgil can't get out of bed. Days like this are nothing new, he just doesn't know how his new family will react to him being so pathetic.
TWs: Depression, depressive episode, brief death mention, self-hatred, temporary nonverbal episode
Notes: Found this fic in my drafts from a few months ago, so I cleaned it up to post since LB and Permafrost are taking a bit. Enjoy <3
Virgil knew it was going to be one of those days when the third hour passed with no change.
Everything was too much. His chest hurt, every breath was just too much work, all he wanted was to sink into the blankets and sleep the rest of his life away. Heād been staring blankly at the wall since heād woken up, curled up on his side with tears pooling in his eyes. He couldn't get up, couldnāt get back to sleep, couldnāt even call out to ask for help.
It had been a while since heād had a day like this, when just the thought of getting out of bed made him sick,
Theyād used to be more frequent, back when Virgil was alone and shut out, hated and scorned by the people he just wanted to protect. The resentment took its toll, and sometimes he couldnāt find a reason to get out of bed.
It wasnāt supposed to happen anymore. He was supposed to be over this. He was supposed to be better.
He had everything heād ever wanted. He had his family, Thomas listened to him, and he wasnāt just needed- he was wanted.
He was wanted. He knew he was. Sometimes it was just...hard to convince himself of that, despite the overwhelming amount of kindness heād been given for months now, the reassurances and patient understanding that felt too good to be true.
But now here he was again, unmoving in the dark of his own room, closed off like the brooding villain he was trying so hard not to be anymore.
God, he didnāt want to be here. He didnāt want to be anywhere. He didnāt want to be awake, he didnāt want to go back to sleep, and he didnāt want to get up and go downstairs.
He just...didnāt want to do this anymore.
Why couldnāt he just disappear?
Virgil thought he could hear voices downstairs, but nothing was really registering through the fog settling around his head. His room was pitch dark, the curtains pulled tightly shut, leaving it impossible to tell how much time had passed.
He thought it might have been a few hours by now, and he hoped everyone would just continue on with their day and leave him here forever, trapped in his own body with a brain stuck trying to sabotage his happiness. Heād fade away on his own, and theyād forget about him, never bothering to even question his absence.
Virgil knew better than to really believe that. A year ago he could have gotten away with it, he could lock himself up in the dark for days and nobody would care. Theyād probably celebrate.
Now...now they would notice he wasnāt coming down for breakfast. He had a job to do, he had people who actually cared. Virgil couldnāt just lay here, pathetic and useless. He was letting himself waste away and fail everyone who had taken a chance on him. Theyād given him so much. He couldnāt undo all that progress because he was feeling a little sad.
But he couldnāt get up. He couldnāt. It would be so much easier if he could just die.
Virgil still wasnāt sure how much time had passed, laying there wide awake without the energy to move a single inch, but suddenly a knock on the door sliced through the haze around his brain.
More tears gathered in his eyes, frustration and dread making his chest unbearably heavy. He didnāt want to be ridiculed and yelled at right now. He wasnāt ready to be forced out of bed, selfish as it was to want to stay here.
A few seconds passed before the door creaked open, light spilling in from the hall, the faint smell of coffee wafting into the room.
āVirgil?ā
That was Logan, even though Virgil couldnāt bring himself to turn his head to look. The logical sideās voice was comforting and familiar, but he wasnāt sure he could handle his blunt judgment right now.
Heād think Virgil was ridiculous, his refusal to leave his room illogical and stupidly selfish. Heād made everyone worry for nothing. Anxiety was just being lazy again.
āVirgil, itās almost eleven,ā Logan said, and Virgil kind of wished he could just die right here and now. Death would get him out of being lectured. āYou need to wake up and eat something. You missed breakfast.ā
Virgil still couldnāt move, but his breath caught in his throat at the reminder. He knew he was being stupid, and he knew he was behind schedule, but the thought of food just made him feel nauseous.
He heard footsteps, carefully tracking Loganās movements as he came closer and listened as he carefully set down what was probably a mug of coffee on the dresser.
āVirgil?ā he called, and it was getting harder and harder to see as more tears built up. āAre you awake?ā
Virgil still couldnāt bring himself to answer, even as Logan moved around to the side of the bed. Virgil didnāt glance up to his face, but there was no way Logan couldnāt tell that the anxious sideās eyes were open and aware.
He tensed, waiting for anger and judgment, or even just an annoyed huff. He waited to be told that it was easy to get out of bed and Virgil was just being difficult, that he needed to stop being so pathetic or they had no reason to keep showing him so much kindness.
He needed to be useful, or they wouldnāt want him around anymore.
But Logan was suddenly kneeling down to his level, eyes kind and worried behind his glasses.
āAre you alright?ā he asked, frowning when Virgil just clenched his jaw in response. āCan you tell me whatās wrong?ā
Virgil couldnāt force words to form no matter how badly he wanted to, and to his dismay a few tears slipped free, trailing down his jaw and seeping into the pillow.
Loganās expression softened, but the concern in his eyes only grew. He reached forward, slow and careful, and somehow Virgil managed to move just enough to latch desperately onto his hand.
He didnāt have the energy to choke out any apologies, although he was almost certain Logan was about to demand one.
āThat is alright,ā the logical side said instead. āYou do not have to talk. Do you think you can manage a nod or headshake?ā
Virgil forced himself to respond with the tiniest of movements, even though just reaching up to take Loganās hand had felt like running a marathon.
āAlright,ā he said gently. āAre you feeling ill?ā
Virgil wished he was just sick. That would be so much easier to explain. Being sick was fixable, and it wouldnāt look like he was just making excuses to be lazy.
But he didnāt see the point in lying, and he certainly didnāt have the energy to deal with even more anger if he was found out. He managed a small shake of his head, even as Logan reached up with his free hand to carefully feel his forehead. He had to force himself not to lean into the touch.
āAre you in pain?ā
Yes. Everything hurt so bad and he wanted it to stop. His chest felt like someone was sitting on it, his head felt like something was pounding at the back of his skull, and every bone in his body felt heavy and useless.
But he couldnāt say that, because he knew it was all in his head. It wasnāt real.
He shook his head again, choking on a small sob, and something like realization dawned in the other sideās eyes.
āI see,ā Logan said. āIs this...just a bad day, then?ā
Logan had finally figured it out, because of course he had. Virgil being stupid and useless probably wasnāt a difficult conclusion to come to, anyway.
He nodded, tense and staring at nothing as he waited for Logan to rip his hand away and demand Virgil grow up and stop wasting everyoneās time. Or maybe heād just roll his eyes and leave, closing the door and locking Anxiety back in the dark where he belonged.
āIām sorry to hear that,ā Logan said, and to Virgilās surprise his hold only tightened. āAre you able to get out of bed?ā
More tears welled up at the question, dread rising in his chest. Because he couldnāt imagine even standing up right now, but of course he couldnāt expect to be able to get away with that. Logan was being polite about it, but they had a schedule to stick to.
āItās alright if the answer is no,ā Logan continued. āI have no intention of forcing you. I only thought it might be easier to take care of you today if youāre set up on the couch.ā
Wait...what? Take care of him?
Logan seemed to sense his confusion, and the hand that wasnāt currently being held hostage moved to run gently through his hair, smiling sadly at Virgilās barely audible whimper.
āIf youāre more comfortable here you can stay. But I know being left alone with your thoughts is not always...ideal. We can keep you company in the living room if you like. If youāre overstimulated, the lights will be kept dim, and the noise to a minimum.ā
Virgil hesitated, trying to figure out if Logan was joking- or if this was some kind of cruel trick to teach him a lesson. They didnāt need to do anything. He didnāt deserve it. And he wasnāt sick, he was just being a baby.
Logan was suddenly cupping Virgilās cheek, wiping tears away with his thumb. āThere is nothing to be ashamed of, Virgil. Would you like help sitting up?ā
And Virgil felt ridiculous, because he had no real reason to feel so weighed down, but he gave another timid nod.
Logan didnāt even hesitate before moving to help, a steadying hand against Virgilās back as he guided him up to lean against the headboard. He didnāt complain, didnāt lecture Virgil about how inconsiderate he was being, just silently assisted and pulled away when he was done.
Again Virgil wanted to apologize, but the words got stuck in his throat, buried deep beneath the fatigue.
āThere is no need for an apology,ā Logan said, and Virgil wondered when heād become so predictable. āIf you arenāt able to walk, Iām sure Roman would be more than happy to carry you to the couch. I only need your permission to inform him and Patton of what is happening.ā
Virgil wasnāt sick or injured, he was competent enough to get himself out of bed and down the stairs. People were busy, and he was already being awful by forcing Logan to stay.
But just the thought of getting out of bed and walking out of his room was enough to make him want to bury himself under the covers and dissolve into sobs. He curled in on himself and eyed Logan warily, hoping that was enough of an answer.
āAlright,ā Logan said, squeezing Virgilās hand. āIāll go get him, just wait here a moment.ā
Logan squeezed Virgilās hand, and heād known the logical side long enough to know the smile he sent was nothing but genuine.
Virgil felt cold when Logan pulled his hand away and moved off the bed, but being unable to talk meant he couldnāt call him back as he disappeared through the door.
He let out a shaky breath and pulled his legs up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them. He squeezed teary eyes shut as he rested his chin on his knees.
It couldnāt have been more than five minutes before Virgil heard footsteps in the hallway, his bedroom door creaking open as the creative side cautiously stepped inside the doorway with a small frown.
Virgil tensed, because if anyone was going to make fun of him for this it would be Roman- well meaning but so brash and over the top at times- and he could already picture Romanās mocking laughter, his exasperation as he tried to just drag Virgil out of bed, hisā
āHey there,ā Roman called, softer than Virgil could ever remember him sounding. āFeeling under the weather today, Stormcloud?ā
Virgil shrugged, hunching his shoulders and staring at his own hands. From the look in the Princeās eyes, it was clear he understood.
āThatās ok,ā he said, ducking his head to meet Virgilās eyes as he smiled and made his way to the bed. āBad days happen, Doom and Gloom. You just have to ask for help.ā
Virgil let out a pitiful whine, the closest he could get to telling Roman that he couldnāt. Even if he could, he didnāt know how. Heād never been able to ask for help before. The Princeās smile turned sad, and he slowly lowered himself on the bed beside Virgil.
āI know,ā Roman said, and Virgil watched as he opened his arms in a quiet invitation, looking so ridiculously hopeful. āBut weāre here now.ā
Virgil broke. What little walls heād still been holding up crumbling at the Princeās simple words, and he choked on a sob, vision blurring with the tears he finally allowed to fall. He collapsed forward into Romanās chest, shuddering when strong arms wrapped around and pulled him close.
Roman didnāt speak, and he didn't force Virgil to even try, just held him tight and rocked them both on the edge of the bed, the Princeās chin hooked over Virgilās head, almost cocooning him in safety.
Roman held him, strong but gentle all the same, letting Virgil cry into the Princeās shirt as long as he needed, hushing him through violent sobs. He didnāt rush him, didnāt tease or berate him, just kept him close and safe.
āIām here,ā he said when Virgil had quieted down a bit. āIs it ok if I take you downstairs now? Logan and Pat are worried about you.ā
Virgil nodded with his face still buried in Romanās chest, breath catching in his throat when the Prince carefully maneuvered them both towards the end of the bed. He kept one arm wrapped firmly around Virgilās back, the other hooking under his knees.
āIāve got you,ā he whispered when Virgil clutched desperately at the back of his shirt, squeezing his eyes shut as Roman stood from the bed, Virgil secure in his hold. āWeāve all got you, Virge.ā
Virgil kept his eyes closed, breaths coming out as nothing more than pitiful, hiccuping sobs. He didnāt want to be here, he didnāt want to talk to anyone, look at anyone, or be seen by anyone. He didnāt want to do this. He didnāt want to exist today.
But Romanās embrace made him forget that for just a moment. The memory of Loganās comfort and the promise of Pattonās care made it just a little more bearable.
It was all a blur, Virgil barely able to focus on the world around him, overwhelmed and so so exhausted. The curtains in the living room were drawn, keeping the room comfortably dim, and Patton and Logan moved quietly, keeping everything blissfully peaceful.
Roman set him down on the couch, letting Virgil curl up on his side and pull the nearest blanket over him, taking a moment to run his fingers through the anxious sideās hair.
Patton kneeled beside him, searching his watery eyes for silent permission before leaning in to kiss Virgilās forehead with a soft smile.
āHey kiddo,ā he said, just as loving as Logan and Roman had been. āYou want your old dad to make you some hot chocolate?ā
Virgil blinked, not sure how to respond to that. It sounded nice, but...but he was already convincing them enough. They were all busy, and probably annoyed andā
āItās not an issue, honey,ā Patton assured, like he could sense Virgilās internal panic. āWe didnāt have much planned for today. You can relax.ā
He had his suspicions that Logan had actually just changed their schedule in favor of keeping an eye on Virgil while he rested, but he wasnāt exactly in the place to ask questions, as panicked as the thought made him. Heād make it up to them tomorrow.
Virgil couldnāt quite look Patton in the eyes, but the parental side seemed so eager to help, and...hot chocolate didnāt sound terrible. He gave a hesitant nod, chest loosening a bit at the way Patton positively beamed.
Patton hurried into the kitchen, only to come back less than five minutes later with the biggest mug Virgil had ever seen, overflowing with marshmallows and whipped cream. Roman perched on the arm of the couch, close enough to keep running his fingers through Virgilās hair.
āJust rest, Virgil,ā Logan said, smiling when Virgil took his hot chocolate with unsteady hands. āWe can put on a movie if you like. Or we can leave you alone if youāre overwhelmed.ā
Virgil bit his lip, a few stray tears still running down his cheeks and dripping onto the couch. It was a bad day, not his first and definitely not his last but it wasnāt the worst heād ever had. It was already getting a little better.
He took a steady breath, raising his head to meet Loganās eyes, mustering what little energy he had to force his voice to work again, the words small, breathy and ragged, but clear all the same.
āStay? Please?ā
Logan smiled, Roman scooted closer, and Patton gave Virgilās forehead another kiss. They gathered around him on the couch, similar to how they usually ended up after a bad panic attack.
Roman and Logan ended up on either side of him, while Patton let Virgil put down his mug for a second to wrap his arms around the moral sideās waist, relishing in the warmth of one of Pattonās hugs.
There had been more days like this than Virgil could count, everything weighing down on him until he just wanted to disappear. Heād never...had this before. Heād always been alone, locking himself away until he could face his own existence again.
This time his family was on all sides, Patton holding him tightly, Logan taking his hand, Roman still playing with his hair, reminding him that it would be ok soon. He had a reason to fight through it.
Virgil couldnāt bring himself to thank them, not out loud again, but he knew they understood.
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