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#I wanted it to say ‘the false shepherd’
art-from-within · 1 year
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cillyscribbles · 5 months
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uh oh!
bad decision, thatcher!
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mellowwillowy · 5 months
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𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐲 𝐨𝐧 𝐚 𝐂𝐫𝐨𝐬𝐬
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⤷ synopsis: The Pastor has always been a man worthy of your adoration so you would obviously still adore him despite him teaching you an entirely false lesson no?
⤷ warnings — GN reader, religious themes, eldritch horror (tentacle shits), light bdsm (spanking, caning, blood), NSFW MDNI
"What does a bad, naughty sheep deserve from its shepherd?" "Th-the Shepherd's crook?" "Correct." One of his tentacles hands him the crook and he uses the hook to yank you closer toward him, "What do you say if we start it easy with a counting till' 12?"
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ꕤ The Pastor has always been the man you adore and aspire to be, always so kind and generous in helping anyone while teaching them what the Pastor deems to be 'true'. You have always been nothing but a lamb of his teachings, following him as though he is your shepherd.
ꕤ The Pastor says that he shall love and guide everyone equally but is that even 'true'? When the others could only listen to him, you on the other hand are able to feel his teaching firsthand.
ꕤ The Pastor sates you from earthly desires and guides you toward the righteous path, living in virtue. Why would you ever desire when he has given you everything you could ever want?
ꕤ Gluttony? You could eat whatever you want, be it the world's most gruesome meal. Pride? You will always be respected by all the acolytes and people around you. Envy and Greed? How could you even envy when you have everything in yourself? Wrath? No one would ever incur wrath out of you, for he himself guarantees it. Sloth? You have always been there in all the ceremonies he has ever held.
ꕤ Lust? When his tentacles that are hidden beneath his robes will never fail to pleasure you? Those suckers that leave lots of marks that sign you have belonged to something?
ꕤ The confession box that serves as a place for people to confess and repent allows Caelus to forgive and purify you as his tentacles wrap themselves around your body, suckers kissing your skin as he listens to your confession. By the end of the session, he'll dictate your next course of actions
"Kneel by the altar and pray for 15 minutes while I purify you alright? You must be pure no matter what."
ꕤ You have always been the lamb of his herdings, obediently kneeling and praying while his lip roams around the nape of your neck, hand feeling your body up and down as he starts undressing you for God to witness.
ꕤ Alas he himself is the God who is witnessing everything, of how you diligently pray for forgiveness while your body trembles from excitement and anticipation. Caelus licks your neck as his tentacles start to loom out of his robes.
ꕤ It is undeniable that Caelus knows his way around your body even from the first time he lays his hand on you. It was almost as though he had long known how your body would react to every single touch he made. All felt too familiar.
ꕤ Caelus starts by kissing your ears, and nibbling your earlobes while he positions your kneeling figure. Soon, his lip trails down onto your neck and your collarbone, giving it a trail of wet kisses and hickeys.
"How do you feel, my sheep?"
You stutter out an answer that is enough to make him nod and continue on his way with you, this time his hands work their way to undress you. Caelus relentlessly binds your limbs with his tentacles, lifting you mid-air as he feels your sex, "An excited one, aren't you? One must now dwell in the temptation of sins." He chides as he flicks your sex that was clothed by your wet underwear.
ꕤ You whine at the sudden touch, your opened mouth allows the tentacle to invade your mouth, feeling how warm the insides of your mouth are. The suckers taste you as they suck your tongue and the surroundings, your moan sending vibrate toward Caelus indirectly.
Caelus starts to stroke your sex, slow and steady as he feels it throbs under his touch. He can see it clearly with how wet your underwear is, urging him to slide it down and bare your sex open for him to observe.
"How needy, I haven't done much and you are this excited already? Does it start from the moment I order you to kneel down?"
ꕤ The Pastor has always known his way around his words and you realize that he is being lenient with his teachings today, is he being solemn? That aside, he really knows how to use his mouth on you, tasting the fluid that drenches your underwear while the tentacle inside your mouth invades deeper, causing you to gag at its thickness and length.
"Pa-pas-thorh, I-, C-C-Caelus!"
Although it is supposed to be a plea for him to pull his tentacle out, it starts to sound like a pleasured whimper. Caelus chuckles as he licks your cheek upward, tasting the sweat and tears that are on your face, "Why, it seems like you are quite enjoying yourself too." He gives your sex a smack, showing you how desperate you are for a release as well. "Tell me, have you been the sheep you are? Obediently following me as I herd you toward your den? Your safe haven?"
You want to nod but you know better than to do that after confessing yourself to him in the confession box. The tentacle retreats itself to allow you to speak, "I- I have not... Pastor."
"Then, what does a bad, naughty sheep deserve from its shepherd?" You gulp, "Th-the Shepherd's crook?" Caelus smiles, "Correct." One of his tentacles hands him the crook and he uses the hook to yank you closer toward him, "What do you say if we start it easy with a counting till' 12?"
If anything you are trying not to shake your head vigorously, only swallowing the lump in your throat. Just before you can retort, he lifts you even higher, baring your thighs for him to feel and cane easily.
“Count it properly unless you want me to start it from 1 again. Here we go,” You grit your teeth hard as the crook hits your thighs, leaving a red swollen streak. “Where’s the response?” Another hit jolts you awake, “ONE-!”
“Next,” “TWO-“ “THREE-!” “F-FOUR!” This goes on until you are too pained to number it correctly, choking in tears. Caelus is merciful enough to wait for you to recover before he chides you, “Why are you not paying attention to me? I am teaching you something so important for your well-being and you do not even bother to pay attention?”
You manage to choke out a response that is rather pathetic to be considered as a reason and Caelus can only click his tongue at you as he feels your bloodied thighs, red streaks decorating them while little blood oozes out of the cut, “You were so close to grasping the lesson entirely yet you have to make me recite it for you again?”
You tremble from his words, unsure of whether it is out of fear or anticipation of what he has stored in him to show you. One of the tentacles hooks your leg up by the knee, showing him just how your sex leaks out your excitement, dirtying the altar.
“Not only are you being inattentive, you are practically disgracing the altar for your own desires. Tell me, what did I teach you about not pursuing earthly desires?” The curve of his crook is rubbed against your sex as he questions you, more tentacles start to wrap themself around you with the suckers leaving a trail of blue and purple hues.
If you think he thinks your face is comically adorable then you are right because as for now, you are showing him just how eager you are for him to thrust his cock into you. Lust. You are brimming in lust, unable to contain your arousal as proven by your leaking sex. “Bad sheep.” Caelus clicks his tongue again, caning your calf while relishing in how you choked out a gasp of pain.
It didn’t last long because Caelus has now given you what you want, pulling his cock out for you to see and drool at, hard red aching for attention. He gives it a few pumps before frotting it against your hole, his hand collecting all the leaking fluid from your sex as a lube for him to penetrate you.
“Now witness how I’m about to purify you dear. This is something I never do to anyone but my most lovely sheep.” This is what you have been waiting for, the purification that Caelus has never done to anyone but you. Your eyes rolled backward when you feel his tip entering you, his tentacles and hands keep you in place as you try to wriggle your way deeper into his cock.
“Patience, dear. Tell me, why are you indulging yourself in the idea of lusting over someone?” His gloved hands feel your bum, kneading it like dough before he makes you take his gloves off with your mouth. You diligently bite the leather and try to pull it off from his hand. Caelus chuckles at your attempt before pulling his hand off the glove and making you do the same to his other hand.
His fingers invade your mouth as he pulls your tongue out, his golden eyes gaze into yours in adoration, “God, why must you be so beautiful?” You can smell it, although his hands are clean, there is still a hint of smell of ink and old papers. Just before you can do anything, Caelus slams his cock into you completely, catching you off guard. You try to pull your tongue away from his grasp but fail horribly as he pulls you into a deep kiss instead.
Your moan is muffled by his tongue that is wrapping yours, his hips angled to hit that one spot that makes you curl your toes. You trashed against the tentacles that bind your hands until they let you go, allowing you to dig your fingernails into his toned back, leaving crescent moon shapes that threaten to cut his skin open, drawing blood out of him.
You are in dire need of air but you are also unwilling to break away from the heated kiss, hands keeping him close to you while you greedily taste him. Caelus smirks at the kiss and pinches your nipple, earning a gasp from you that allows him to break free from the kiss. He drags his thumb across the corner of his lip, wiping away the drool that is smeared on his lip.
His hands find their purchase on your hips again, holding you in place while he thrusts himself in and out into you, using you like a fleshlight. You are unsure about what he’s mumbling about but you seem to catch a few of his words.
“Mine to deflower.”
As though he is no longer the wise pastor you look up to, you now feel just how territorial he is with your whole well-being, not only a body used to chase his own pleasure but also a soul to keep him sane, proven by how you feel a pang of serenity in you again despite the idea of being fucked by the altar for God to witness.
“See this, my dear? This is the proof that you belong to me.” Caelus presses his palm on your bulged stomach, proving to you just how enormous his cock is, resting inside you. A yellow sign glows as his hand presses harder on your stomach, making you feel warm.
The tentacles invade your mouth again, unwilling to part from you while starting to spurt some sort of liquid into your mouth. Caelus’ pace picks up as well, his thrust deeper and faster while his breath grows raggier. Sweats drip down from his forehead while his tongue wet his lip from the sight of your spent-up face.
He wants you to come all over him and bless the altar with your essence and he will not stop until the deed is done.
ꕤ The Pastor is a gentle soul, his tentacles serve as a makeshift bed for you to rest while the suckers massage your sore muscles. His hand and eyes never leave you, oh how you love those Golden eyes of his with his ruffly black hair.
"Pastor, what if I am not as beautiful as the flower God loves?" You whisper out as he kisses your shoulder blade. Caelus taps his finger on your other shoulder while he hums out an answer, "You go down just like Holy Mary," he pauses to leave another kiss on your forehead, " and not just another Bloody Mary."
You cock your head in confusion, "What is that supposed to mean?" Caelus chuckles as he palms your face, "It means you are beautiful no matter what the circumstances are..." Caelus opens his mouth and bites your lower lip, "Whether you are pristine free of sins, or bathed in blood and wounds."
ꕤ Caelus has always been a man of many identities, nonetheless, he is a man who will always devote himself to you no matter what he identifies himself to be.
If you choose to run away with me, I will tickle you internally. And I see nothing wrong with that
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inblackwoods · 21 days
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More on why this is so later, but when Daniil talks to people, he tends to mirror their speech patterns. This makes even very short conversations with some people- Big Vlad, for one- complex. The first thing Vlad says to Bachelor is:
“Ah, Bachelor Dankovsky, of course… Who else could be so dapper… I’ve heard quite a lot about you… Have you taken a look around? Be sure to check the state of the industry around here… We have our own ways.”
To which the Bachelor immediately picks up on a certain, thinly veiled bitchy energy. He responds: “How curious! And what is the current state of your industry?”
Big Vlad and Daniil are unfortunately similar in some ways- adhering to social etiquette and politeness leads to a lot of subtle, backhanded compliments, carefully worded insults, and politicking. “Who else could be so dapper,” (you uppity little snob), is retaliated with a comment implying something might not be so grand about Vlad’s industry. But neither of them will say anything directly. “We have our own ways,” is also leading to the more interesting aspect of this conversation. Vlad speaks flippantly about the Bull Project, acting as if it were as natural and unchangeable as gravity, and furthermore is beyond an outsider’s comprehension, so it certainly couldn’t be criticized by someone like Daniil. Yet the entire time Vlad’s suggesting as much, he is avoiding direct statements on it.
He says: “Come now… It’s a complicated establishment with a thousand years of history. A special approach is required to control such a colossus. See where I’m getting at, emissary?”
And Bachelor responds: “But no! Such businesses always leave room for improvement.”
It’s the same airy, dismissive sort of manner of speaking that Vlad was using, but this time to challenge and dismiss the notion that the industry is beyond question, scrutiny, or improvement, even from an outsider. Bachelor is speaking in a way that lets Vlad know that he knows how Vlad is trying to manipulate him and he’s NOT having it. He’ll make it clear by recognizing and perfectly mirroring the evasive “polite” playing dumb that Vlad is doing. 
What’s interesting is that Bachelor cares to do all of this, to argue about something that doesn't really impact or benefit him. He isn't planning on staying in town, why care how the industry/power structure is designed? Why care to fight for the Kin (who do become major points of discussion in Daniil's conversations with both Vlads) even in the most indirect capacity? Daniil isn’t always kind to the Kin, though he can be decent depending on how you play him, and he does have an amount of fondness for and connection to Isidor. I think there are two other reasons. 
One, Daniil hates anyone who tries to control his reactions, thoughts, feelings, or words. Vlad wants to force Daniil into a certain perspective, keep him ignorant to exploit him instead of giving him any information. Vlad is trying to give him no other options but to agree with him. Bachelor doesn't take kindly to being controlled and it isn't easy to do (though it does happen a lot). Two, Bachelor is dedicated to absolute truth (despite his own deceptive tendencies) and the Olgimskys are some of the biggest liars. They treat the Bull Project like it's a natural fact of human existence and it is absolutely not. The subjugation of the Kin is cruel and violent and not at all the natural order of people or the world- pretending otherwise is blatantly false and gross, even to Daniil. Of course all of this would piss Bachelor "truth is my shepherd" Dankovsky off.  When Vlad says "The sanitary inspection last year testified that the Bull Project is in order. Nothing to cavil at. Everything’s fine," that should sound an alarm, and it does for Daniil.
If any of this is of interest, my transcription and analysis is here. This project is what inspired other posts like this one.
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8-rae-rae-8 · 4 months
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What if like calico cat pet regressor soap and German shepherd pet regressor ghost, Soaps just trying to take a nap after accidentally pulling an all-nighter (and is frustrated by lack of sleep) but Ghost is way too full of energy and just wants to hangout and play with Soap (I just thought of this)
You get angst too
:)
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To say he was annoyed was an understatement.
Ghost was being loud again after Soap had made it incredibly clear how tired he was.
Not sleeping the night before, then work, and now an energy filled Simon exhausted him to the bone. Even his head pounded. The bed called for him, but Simon wouldn't stop moving or trying to get Soap's attention.
He knew it wasn't his fault he was so high energy. With nothing to do all day, and being off on leave from what Ghost called a minor injury, he was practically bouncing off the walls with need to do something. Anything.
That meant Ghost was nuzzling up to Johnny, licking his cheeks or nudging him for attention. He'd only cease as he got affection. Head pats, praise, hugs. He didn't even stop when Soap tried to hiss or move back.
Johnny kept huffing, and moving away. Neither of them cared to get out of bed though. He pet Simon, kissed his head or gave him a small purr just to get him off his back. But Simon didn't give in. He didn't stop, the whines just got louder with complaint. Any other day, Soap would be happy to play, he just wanted to rest now.
He gave a loud, long meow as Ghost pawed at him. The most he got in return was a guilty look, and a small whimper. As much as he felt bad for it, Simon finally stopped. The pup curled up at Johnny's side, giving him the most pitiful look. Soap was sure there would be tears if Ghost wasn't still trying to inch closer.
And Soap hissed.
It wasn't Ghost's fault he needed the attention so bad, he knew Simon trusted him to get attention from. He'd been alone all day, it made sense. Johnny was just so damn tired. But they were both regressing, more and more as the other pushed back against any attempts to get away or cuddle closer.
It felt bad. The way Ghost squirmed back. If he had puppy ears, they'd be pinned back in distress. Simon gave a sad whimper, as he pressed his head against her shoulder simply. No pushing.
Johnny finally took a deep breath. His eyes felt sore just from having them open so long. Very slowly, he closed them.
And it was a false sense of security to think he could sleep. Ghost was immediately nuzzling back up again. Putting more pressure on him than necessary. Johnny's eyes shot open at that, biting back the urge to growl.
Teeth nipped gently at Soap's shirt. Not trying to pull it off, but trying to get him to play. But the slight nervousness, and fear glimmered in Simon's eyes. He wanted attention, still. Somehow he looked sorry and energetic at the same time. Those looks didn't often mix with Ghost.
Johnny pushed his head back, and then flipped over on his side, back to Simon.
The loudest whine came from Simon at that.
Soap closed his eyes and tried to rest. There was still movement behind him. The occasional nuzzle, or nip at his clothes.
But eventually, after god knows how long, Simon settled down and simply pressed back against Soap. He didn't pull, he didn't whine. But maybe that was from fear of upsetting Soap. The kind of pup that flinched at fast movements, or pinned his ears back at the sound of disappointment or anger. He was a good boy, Soap told him many times, but sometimes he couldn't help but be disruptive.
It was okay again, quiet and calm, Soap noted.
Finally, finally, his eyes could stay closed. Johnny relaxed. It all melted off of him for now. Simon was sturdy behind him, the pup's face tucked behind his neck. Soft and shallow breaths so close to his ear. It wasn't steady, but Soap knew Simon hardly ever was. He didn't think much of it.
Instead, he slept. As his body ached for him to do. Johnny let everything darken completely.
Ghost was quiet the next time he woke, and the morning after that.
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sepublic · 1 year
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            I feel like Philip is fundamentally someone who dislikes people and then looks for some deeper moral justification, rather than the other way around. Because as the Titan says, Philip isn’t genuine; He’s someone who only believes in his delusion to be the hero.
         Some stranger named Evelyn shows up? Philip hates her and when he finds out she’s a witch, he latches onto THAT explanation to justify why he wanted her dead; It’s because Evelyn was an evil witch! Not because she took time with his brother Caleb, whom Philip felt entitled towards, away from him.
         Philip HAS to be right, he HAS to have the moral high ground whenever he dislikes a person; He can’t accept that he’s in the wrong, or even that neither party is wrong, they just don’t gel with each other! Because he has to be the hero. The vindication that Evelyn was secretly an evil witch, because everyone who disagrees with him is secretly evil, was something Philip latched onto for the rest of his life.
         Oh, Lilith broke his nose? It’s because she’s an evil, selfish witch! Not because Philip lied to and endangered Lilith and her niece Luz or anything! This world doesn’t bend over backwards for him? It’s because they’re evil. It’s a convenient excuse that makes Philip feel good, rather than something as mundane as “I just don’t like them.” Or “They just don’t like me.” Or even “I have to put in the work to convince them to like me, and even then I can’t actually force it.” Because that isn’t noble and grand enough for Mr. Hero Complex.
         It feels like a Chicken or the Egg situation, with how people discuss whether Philip was informed first by his belief in Puritan scripture, which then informed his hatred, or the other way around. Me, I see it as the other way around, and I think it makes the most sense with what we see in canon, and who Philip is an allegory for (or rather, straight-up example of). He’s every Right-Wing Christian who selectively interprets the Bible to justify his hatred of queer people, while ignoring basically everything else about it; Because he isn’t being informed by the actual Bible, Philip isn’t making neutral observations and drawing together a conclusion!
         He’s already decided upon a conclusion from the start; That witches are evil. And he selectively looks for stuff that will support this, because he isn’t really a man of science, applying the scientific method. Philip is not a rational person. His own memory photos depict a skewed perception of Caleb as a happy older brother who was misled; Yet we see in S3 how gaunt and miserable Caleb actually was.
         But Philip doesn’t want to admit that Caleb was unhappy and made a decision for his own wellbeing; He’s stripping Caleb of any agency as the ideal older brother who was perfectly content with Gravesfield, basically a simple-minded sheep led astray by a false shepherd! Philip is the one removing nuance from Caleb and his story, suggesting Caleb was merely dazzled by a party trick, and not that he had legitimate problems with Gravesfield that would push him away from it.
         Philip can’t comprehend why Caleb wouldn’t choose him, why Caleb would choose anyone or anything else over his brother, it bugs him to no end; Or rather, Philip could easily understand, because he’s excellent at getting into people’s heads and figuring them out to manipulate them.
         He just doesn’t WANT to understand why Caleb did that, and so he’ll make copies of him, time and time again, until Philip settles upon a Caleb who provides the answer he wants to hear; That Caleb not only agrees, but will always choose Philip, even over himself. But Philip will never get what he wants, because he doesn’t want Caleb but an idea of him that never actually existed. He doesn’t want a person, just a mindless automaton, basically an Abomination.
         He is quite literally haunted by the awareness, deep down, that HE is the one who did something wrong; Hence the ghosts, because Caleb’s opinion mattered the most (even if not much at all), so it’s the one he’s most obsessed with disproving/convincing. This man needs to be told he’s right, either by the brother who supported and raised him, or by fellow human Luz. That’s why he shows Luz and Hunter the truth in his memories, because Philip needs someone to see what he did and agree with him, but they never can because of the very nature of it. He’s so insecure he wants approval from people even as he kills them.
         Philip secretly knows he’s the bad guy, so it’s not a matter of realizing it, it’s admitting and changing his actions in response to that, which he’ll never do. He feels judged by Caleb and the Grimwalkers, like a child that’s messed up and is hiding the evidence of his wrongdoing, because he secretly fears some sort of punishment. Because while I don’t consider Philip a true believer, it’s inevitable that he internalized some Puritan ideas about the world.
         He’s still a kid whose understanding of morality is informed purely by the Carrot and the Stick, whether he’ll benefit, or whether he’ll be punished; Rather than any deeper attempt to engage with people out of legitimate compassion or understand them, because it all circles around to what happens to Philip at the end of the day. This wouldn’t be so inherently wrong if observed in a child, but the problem is that Philip is a grown man well past his natural lifespan, who never bothered to learn beyond this.
         I remember seeing some people point to Philip’s long hair as proof he was an outcast who didn’t fit in, a tragic weirdo indoctrinated by society. But I wonder if it’s more along the lines of… Philip is a hypocrite, who doesn’t actually believe in his society’s norms; He’ll just cherry pick what they say to support his own beliefs. But he makes an exception for himself, like Republicans who push for homophobic legislation, yet are revealed to be homosexual themselves. 
        Philip isn’t motivated by real principles, just whatever is convenient to him at the moment, because it’s all about him and other people basically don’t really exist; They’re more dolls or NPCs than actual, breathing people with their own perspectives and dreams, just like Philip. As a result, he is every child who sees themselves as the center of the universe, and can’t comprehend why other people wouldn’t prioritize this obvious purpose. He is Luz, King, or the Collector, if they never learned to care about other people or understand their point of view; Instead, they only care about what people can do for them, rather than the people themselves.
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denaliwrites · 6 months
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Make Me Glow
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Peter Vincent x Fem!Reader
Summary: Peter always knows just what you need when your period is making you absolutely miserable.
Soundtrack: Heart Attack (Rock Version) by Demi Lovato
Requests: Open!
Warnings: Periods, Cramps. Use of Bitch as a Term of Endearment. Taking medication.
If there was one thing you were grateful for in Peter's penthouse, it was the giant luxury bath he'd insisted on having installed. You didn't typically use it, but sometimes it was just what you needed.
Especially on your period.
You moaned when you made contact with the water, sinking slowly into the delicious heat and watching the tendrils of steam dance as your descent into the water sent ripples across the surface.
You wanted to cry at the near-instant relief you felt as the warmth surrounded you, drastically easing your aches with each passing second. You wished you could stay in the bath forever.
For a few minutes, you simply lay in the water, letting your mind go blissfully blank once your pain was relieved enough that you could take your mind off it.
But that was boring, and you only had so much time before Peter got back, so you grabbed the remote from the shelf behind you and clicked on the TV mounted on the wall in front of you -- that one had been your idea -- and flipped the channels until you settled on an episode of I Love Lucy.
It wasn't your typical choice, but right now you just wanted to pretend real problems didn't exist.
You didn't realize you'd fallen asleep until you were jolted awake by an annoyed voice emanating from somewhere nearby.
"I swear," Peter was saying, and your drowsy eyes finally found him standing in front of the mirror, peeling his false goatee off. "Oh, now she's awake!" he growled, seeing your eyes on him through the mirror. "Missed my whole rant, lazy bitch."
When he saw the hurt look in your eyes, he visibly deflated. "Oh, darling," he sighed, leaving the mirror to kneel at your side. "What's wrong?"
"Period," you said simply with a despondent shrug.
"Oh, dear," he cooed, petting your hair for a moment. His hand dipped into the water, no doubt checking the temperature, before withdrawing it with a low whistle. "Darling, that water is freezing. Let's get you out of there."
You nodded, letting him help you up and out of the tub. He pulled the plug, turned off the TV, and grabbed the towel you'd put in the warmer before you'd gotten into the bath. It was wrapped snugly around your waist with a kiss to the top of your head.
"There you are," he said soothingly. "Let's get you out of here, yeah?" You nodded, and he shepherded you to the bedroom, where you were pushed gently onto the plush duvet.
He could tell that your pain was returning by a strained whimper that escaped your best attempts to withhold it, and by the way you clutched at your belly.
"Oh, darling," he sighed, kissing your head again. "I'll be back, you get settled in."
You nodded, and then he was off again. While he was away, you unwrapped the towel from around yourself and carefully slid under the covers of the bed. They were warm, but you missed the bath. You wished you could go back in.
You'd take another one tomorrow, you decided.
Peter sauntered back into the room holding a glass of water in one hand and a tub of your favorite ice cream in the other. "Water and pills first," he told you, handing off the glass and two Advil into your waiting hands.
Dutifully, you took a sip of the water and downed the pills, then downed the rest of the water in one go.
"Oh, good girl," he praised you, sounding genuinely impressed. He held the ice cream out to you, and you snatched it up eagerly, as well as the spoon he'd placed over the lid.
"Now, do you want to watch a bunch of idiot teens get killed in increasingly terrible ways?" he asked you, settling into the bed behind you. He was over the covers, you realized when you noticed that you couldn't immediately feel his body heat, and that his skin wasn't touching yours.
"That sounds good," you whimpered with a nod.
He put on Friday the 13th, and you happily dug into your ice cream while the two of you watched the movie.
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backhurtyy · 2 years
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i love thinking about eddie being really good at flirting and being able to fluster steve super easily, but the more i think about i’m like… i think eddie would be terrified the second he realizes that he isn’t just infatuated with steve, or thinks steve’s attractive, but is actually in love with him.
like so much of his personality is over the top and showy, because it’s how he protects himself. the things people say about him can’t hurt him if he uses it as armor. the slurs and nicknames can’t cut deep if it’s just the truth about him. that translates to a lot of false confidence and bluster and hiding his real feelings, and so i think the deep emotions, like love, would hit him so much harder.
so he meets steve, and sure the guys attractive, so eddie lays on the charm a little bit for fun because hey, the world’s ending and he’s a wanted man so why the hell not! but the world doesn’t end, and against all odds everyone survives, and eddie graduates, and the government clears him of all charges. but that only does so much in a small town where everyone already hated him anyways, and so eddie finds he only has so many places he can go where he’s welcome, and steve harrington is always at every single one of them, working or shepherding the kids around or playing host to the party in his big, empty house.
they start spending time together, just the two of them hanging out, and they come to an understanding that when they’re together, they don’t have to pretend. eddie doesn’t have to be over the top, and steve doesn’t have to hide that he’s not actually as okay as he says he is. and eddie realizes that infatuation is becoming a little more permanent, a little more serious, but… well, it’s steve harrington. he has that effect on everyone, with his earnestness and charm and laugh and that impressive mop of hair—
he doesn’t realize how seriously in love with steve he is until they’re at steve’s house with the party one day, the last swim day before the new school year starts. and steve still doesn’t set foot in the pool, had told eddie that he doesn’t know if he can ever swim anywhere again after barb and getting dragged through watergate, but he’s playing the diligent host nonetheless.
eddie watches as he slides the glass door open with his hip, his hands full of drink refills and snack bowls that he delivers to the kids. he watches as steve ruffles dustin’s hair, and hands a fresh towel to mike as he hauls himself out of the pool, and helps max reapply sunscreen so that she doesn’t miss anywhere and burn. he’s got an easy smile on his face and a hand towel on his shoulder and his glasses— a result of far too many head injuries— perched on his nose, and eddie’s chest constricts as he thinks, i love him.
and it terrifies him, because how is he supposed to hide this? how can he be over the top enough to hide the biggest thing he’s ever felt? how is he supposed to put on a show, when he’s never even rehearsed this particular number before? he’s never been in love, barely even had any experience with guys— hawkins, indiana doesn’t exactly have a bustling gay community, and there aren’t many people lining up to fall in love with eddie the freak munson. he has no experience with this, no reference, no map to get through this maze of emotion, and it scares the shit out of him.
of course it all works out, but i think that some of that terror would creep in occasionally, insecurity and a lifetime of hiding making him wonder what he did to deserve this and how he’s supposed to protect himself from it if it goes wrong. but then steve will wrap his arms around him and kiss his cheek and whisper that he loves him, and eddie remembers he doesn’t have to be over the top with steve.
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thenewgothictwice · 1 month
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"Images from Gaza" by Palestinian poet Nasser Rabah. Translated from Arabic by Saleh Razzouk and Scott Minar
1. The children would say we played but not happily, the trees would say we finished our greening but failed to produce fruit, the bell said for years I’ve been dancing alone in a serene nakedness, and speaking would say I have no more to confess to draw absence’s attention before it too goes missing. The children, the trees, and the bell made a boat of senile papers to float on the river, saying O drowning, take away our testaments, we grew up and have no use for anything anymore.
2. The vendor shouted all day about his goods, but no one made the purchase: jokes for sale, new and fresh jokes. He walked the village, street after street, and no one bought a thing. He hammered the doors, the windows and the walls, but no one bought a thing. Only one person picked up a joke, but it failed to please. He merely wanted to see the village sad, like so.
3. O distracted paths you are walking toward me, where I have no place, no visage, and where no mirrors show your senses those full of love, though soldiers are increasing their numbers, along with the dead and the carrying of false banners. My way is distracted so please be vague like the countries, and be angry like the faces, like these ever-increasing mistakes in my heart, however a chance may bring us together in the garden of madness.
4. I think of the clouds: they were simple land, wars passed them, they soared and soared making a sky, but then changed their minds. I think of the war: a cloud of blood, the rains of sad mothers loved simple lands, but then changed their minds. I think of the land: my land was much too jealous of me, but when I fell for my mother it left our home like a swift cloud and then changed its mind. I think of the heart, how does it go to sleep and wake itself on time, while collecting shards that have been scattered in the mirrors. And collecting its dreams, those have been scattered on the pillow, nevertheless he spat blood on the dress of the lover, the lover who changed her mind.
5. To the tunes of the Song of Songs all were dancing. For the ears of wheat in the fields of the shepherds, on Jabel Mukaber in the wake of caliph’s ascending. On the gates of Hittin when invaders left it. During the harvest season in the Jaleel when they were crushing fruits and dancing. On the stitching of the bride’s dress they drew a dancing boy and a girl. O most generous Canaans here are my hands, take me where joy can steal us, where the souls of the lands sway, along with their shoots and roots, and where a long lasting dance continues, and where we do not die.
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meguwumibear · 1 year
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Give Us Each Day
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pairing: wolfwood x reader word count: 1,300
This is just a short little drabble I wrote because I literally cannot stop thinking about Nicholas D. Wolfwood and wanted to explore his character a bit. Ignore the pacing and any errors/typos lol I don’t think there are any spoilers about anything in this, but i do briefly touch on Wolfwood’s past and his connection to the Eye of Michael. 
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The thing about people is they aren’t capable of change.
Wolfwood has seen enough of No Man’s Land and its citizens to understand this. It’s a dog eat dog, big fish eat little fish world out there. Humans are lost causes. Especially adults. They sin and they sin and they sin.
Maybe children are exempt from this. Maybe not. He tries not to think too hard about his own childhood, about what he did and did not have.
He did not have parents. Or, rather, he had no relationship with them. He understands that for him to have been born, one of the planet’s many deadbeat duds must have knocked someone up. Jesus himself was half flesh and blood on Mary’s side. No one can escape a mother’s womb. So, yeah, okay, someone conceived and gave birth to him, but that’s about all his parents are to him. A sperm donor and an incubator. Nothing more.
What he did have was siblings. Lots of them. Brothers and sisters from December and neighboring towns. He was the eldest of all the children at the orphanage. He did what he could to look out for the others, sleeping in their beds with them when they had nightmares, teaching them how to whistle, kissing their fucking booboos. For a while, Wolfwood thinks that he was born to be a brother. And maybe he was. Maybe on a different planet, in a different universe, the ships don’t crash and a brother is all he ever has to be.
On this planet though, he becomes something else entirely. An orphan. A priest. A punisher.
Wolfwood is only human after all, despite everything, including all the fucking drugs the doctor pumped him full of. He forgets sometimes just how young he really is. So many of his formative years passed him in an instance. He just grew and grew and grew into the monster man he is today.
A man made monster. A monster made man. Or are those two things one and the same?
He gets confused sometimes. Can’t understand the difference. Perhaps a monster is a type of man or a man a type of monster. They’re related somehow. They must be. He knows this because he is both. Or at least both of those two creatures live symbiotically inside him.
That’s why the Eye of Michael sends him on these types of missions; that’s why they sent him on this mission: he is a monstrosity and a mortal. The best person for this particular job. To guide and protect Knives’ precious baby brother until Vash is ripe for the taking. Knives says they call his brother Vash the Humanoid Typhoon, but to Wolfwood he’s just an ignorant lamb inching closer to slaughter.
The Eye may call him the Punisher, but this job makes him feel more like a shepherd.
He hasn’t found the Typhoon yet. There are too many leads to follow. Towns are filled with unfounded rumors and listless gossip. No one seems to know what Vash even looks like. Some people think he’s twelve feet tall. Other people think he has a mohawk.
Wolfwood knows this all to be false because he knows exactly what Vash looks like. He’s seen him—or rather he’s seen his monozygotic twin. Vash will look exactly like Knives in another man’s clothes. He’s been preparing himself for the sight.
With no end to this wild goose chase in sight, Wolfwood stops at a saloon. The townsfolk here seem to think that Vash passed through two nights ago, but the place is in too good of shape for that to be true. Good shape in No Man’s Land is relative of course, but there’s no way a typhoon hit this city. All the buildings are still standing, crooked and cracked from the dry desert air.
He’s a heavy weight. He thinks it has something to do with the drug they shoot him up with. It helps his cells heal or regenerate or some shit. It takes more liquor than it should to get him drunk which means blacking out is a luxury he can’t afford. He’s five beers deep before he finally starts to feel a little buzzed.
Days he’s more man than monster, he plays a little game with himself. He finds someone who looks like they could be his mother or father and makes up a story about their lives after they abandoned him. He imagines they get rich selling water. He imagines they lost everything in a drought. He wonders if it was worth it. He supposes life’s always easier with one less mouth to feed.
Tonight he feels a bit more monster than man. The hunt is starting to get to him. He’s down to his last cigarette and if he doesn’t find Vash soon Knives will inevitably send him on a job he’ll hate more than this one. The waiting makes him feel itchy. Or maybe that’s just the nicotine withdraw.
“Need a light?”
He hasn’t lit the cigarette yet. Just has it tucked between his lips. He’s been chewing on the tip of it a bit—a bad habit he developed once he started smoking, but hey it kept him away from his fingernails.
“Please,” he says. He’s got his own lighter tucked away in his jacket pocket. It’s unclear to him which part of him makes him lie. Could be the man, could be the monster. In his experience, they both get quite lonely.
You strike up a match and hold it out for him. He leans in, cups a hand around the flame and inhales. The acrid taste of something burned and bitter fills his lungs. This has always felt right to him. The burning. Fire is just as cleansing as water.
“You a drifter?”
“What gave me away?” he asks.
You smile as you grab his empty bottles. “You’re a priest, right? Town priest skipped out ages ago. Said the land was forsaken and that nothing holy could grow here. Interesting last words considering he was the one doing the all forsaking. There’s holiness here. In the sand and sky and people.”
Wolfwood slides the cigarette out from between his lips and exhales a bit of smoke.
“What gave me away,” he asks again, flicking soot onto the table.
You shoot him a look, eyebrows raised. “Who else would carry around a cross like that?”
He hums. “Didn’t see a church on my way in.”
You’re smiling again. “You’re sitting in it. After the father skipped out it was converted to this saloon. People can take communion any time now. Not just during Sunday prayer.”
Someone at the back of the bar calls your name, yells something to you about doing your job, so you finish clearing away his table with a roll of your eyes.
A few minutes later, you bring him a beer that he didn’t ask for and certainly isn’t going to pay for.
“You devout? You looking for me to say some kind of prayer?”
You shake your head and laugh. “Oh no, I’m not a believer. Just doing my job. Gotta keep my patrons happy. Drink up.”
He wraps his hand around the bottle. It’s warm. Condensation has gathered on it’s slick surface. He swipes at it with a thumb. “I think I’ve had my fair share of alcohol. Was thinking of graduating to something headier.”
“Oh,” you say, resting your elbows against the table. “And just what were you thinking of graduating to?”
Wolfwood feels the smirk form on his face, wide and toothy and dangerous. You’re a distraction from his mission, but he can’t ignore the yearnings of the man and monster inside of him. Right now their desires align. Right now they’re hungry. Right now they want.
“You.”
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smokeowl-mx · 1 year
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THE OWL HOUSE...THEORY...?
Ok! Wanna dump something here real fast before it leaves my mind forever.
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-Piece by the amazing @moringmark . A faithful representation of Phillip Wittebane's afterlife. Rest in Pain, b**ch!-
Something that actually bugged me about The Owl House was Phillip's name change to Belos.
Given he was a human and had enough knowledge to warp around as the Emperor of the Boiling Isles, his name had to mean something like Hunter's.
DISCLAIMER: I DON'T CLAIM TO HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS, THIS IS JUST WHAT SOME RESEARCH LED ME TO. IT MAY BE WRONG OR STANDING ON FALSE INFORMATION. IF YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS SUBJECT FIRST HAND, FEEL FREE TO CORRECT ME AND GET ME OUT OF MY IGNORANCE.
Doing some research for a project I'm making. I stumbled upon the main deities of slavic folklore.
Perun, whose equivalents would be Zeus, Odin and/or Thor.
And his chaotic sibling: Veles, whose equivalent is Loki and Pan.
Even though I say "equivalents" is just so you get an idea of their abilities and roles. Perun was the main god of the pantheon with power over lightning, symbol of order.
Where I wanna go with this is what Veles was.
Veles was also known as Welos, he was not just the god of nature and shepherds, but also god of the barrier between this world and the underworld, guide of souls through the threshold and, get this, GOD OF MAGIC, ALCHEMY AND WITCHCRAFT!
Philip not only turned himself into a "Prophet" and Emperor, but, to his own DAMN SATISFACTION, HE BECAME A GOD FOR THE WITCHES. Everytime a Witch called his name, they were calling him their God.
After The Collector gave him the weapons to rule over the Isles, he felt himself as superior to them, even more so than he already did. So much so he gave himself the name of one of the few MALE GODS OF WITCHCRAFT to prove his point across. THAT'S THE EXTEND OF THIS GUY'S NARCISSISM!
Still don't believe me?!
Veles or Welos was often portrayed in two forms:
A horned inverted triangle and a Horned Man (thus, the horned mask)
Some of the animals that represented this deity were the snake, the dragon and the owl. Belos had a very slithery personality and a slow way of dealing with those who opposed him (like a snake killing it's prey) eventually became a Dragon (when he took the Titan's heart hostage) and the Golden Guard's mask looks like an Owl.
Also, remember that guardian of the threshold thing I said previously, it fits with his whole "protect the world from evil" BS he believed.
Given he couldn't do magic, he did alchemy. If you're familiar with the work of an artificer or FMA, you should get the idea. Alchemy was a pseudo science, antecesor of modern chemistry, that studied the world, it's elements and magic to harness it to make things as the famous Philosopher's Stone and Lead's transformation into Gold. One of the matters of study of alchemy was resurrection. Thus, the Grimmwalkers.
Following the previous point, Red was often asociated with the Stone and it's abilities, it also meant "the end of a great work". What leads me to believe his and Hunter's "Magic" were product of alchemy and, maybe, the creation of a Philosopher's stone.
Given the hints and little winks TOH makes to FMA, I believe I ain't jumping any sharks.
Though his Puritanism also influenced how things would run with the Isles under his control. He wanted to feel like a God, but without the Witches knowing it (because it will blow his cover in a sec) so, he gave himself a name connected to everything he hated, but that could elevate him without suspition: Belos, The God of Magic, Alchemy and Witchcraft.
So yeah...what Elijah from Not so average Fangirl said in "Hollow Mind" wasn't that far off.
Belos, for Witch and Hunter = Witch Hunter.
@danaterrace You have my love and respect.
Thanks for everything! Can't wait to see what you make next.
FOR MORE UPDATES ON THIS, FOLLOW THE REPLIES.
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catierambles · 2 months
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Blood Moon Ch.13
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Pairing: Syverson x Annalisa Caulfield (OFC)
Another full moon came and went, Annalisa offering herself up like a ritual sacrifice after he shifted, clinging to him as he claimed her as a Mate over and over again until his humanity pushed forward and he was himself again, albeit only mentally. Mating or killing satisfied the beast after it took over, letting it retreat.
Working at the clubs was not as exciting as he had initially thought it was going to be. He mainly sat in their security hub, keeping an eye on the cameras, giving orders through the radio to the rest of the security staff. Although his Special Forces training let him solve issues before they became problems, sending staff to certain areas when his gut started nagging at him. Most times it was just a handsy drunk who wouldn't leave the "Concierge Staff" alone, a title he now knew Sweeney and a few others had. They took care of the VIPs and kept an eye out for trouble with an attention to detail security couldn't have given the size of their areas. Took care of the VIPs within reason; Annalisa wasn't running a brothel. If they wanted to go home with one of them, that was their choice, but they did so off the clock. It wasn't required of them or implied they should.
Eugene avoided him like a good boy, even doing an about face when he walked into the security room and saw him in there. Sy didn't know if he took his threat seriously, but he sure as hell seemed to take Annalisa's.
It took a few weeks of coordination with schedules before a get-together was planned with his family. Between his brothers schedules and his new one, they decided on lunch on a Saturday it was going to be nice out, giving Sy enough time afterwards to get some sleep before work. He's seen Annalisa in the sun, so he knew that particular bit of vampire lore was inaccurate, and she sure as hell didn't sparkle.
“What's gonna happen if you eat real food?” He asked as they drove down the highway out of the city and into the country.
“I'll avoid it the best I can, but if I can't...well, we'll cross that bridge if we get to it.” She said, her thumb moving back and forth over his jeans where her hand was wrapped around his knee.
She hung back a little as they got out of the truck after parking behind an SUV in front of a ranch style house, a couple other trucks already there.
“Uncle Kyle!” Came the chorus of tiny voices and he was suddenly surrounded, almost knocked off his feet as they all vied for who got to be picked up and hugged first. He made sure to hug them all in turn in massive bear hugs, picking up two of the smallest who couldn't be older than four and sitting them on a hip each as they waded towards the house, a couple still clinging to his legs.
“You guys are gettin' too big for this.” He said, his voice strained with false exertion. It was chaos as they got closer to the house, a few dogs running out into the front yard and he set the kids down to say hi to them as well, the kids running off for the house. Again, Annalisa hung back, twisting her fingers somewhat nervously. A German Shepherd broke off from the rest to stand in front of her, looking at her curiously.
“Hello.” She said and it sniffed her a couple times before it's tail started wagging at blurring speeds, pressing against her legs and looking up at her adoringly as she pet it.
“See you met Aika.” Sy said, a silvery-blue pitbull plastered against him and trying to lick his face, “She was a demo dog, served with her in Afghanistan. She retired right after I did so I adopted her. Can't have dogs at the apartment, so my folks look after her. Wouldn't wanna keep her there, anyway. She's got a couple acres to run around on here.”
“She's pretty.” She said, kneeling and running her hands over her cheeks and ears. “Aren't you a pretty girl?”
“Woman, that is a highly trained Army dog, you can't be baby-talkin'—”
“Such a pretty girl, yes you are.” Aika ate it up, giving her a doggy smile and trying to lick her face.
“Hey, you two!” They looked up as an older woman came out of the house. “I wondered what the fuss was about.”
“Hey, ma.” Sy said, standing and pulling her into a hug, kissing her cheek. “Ma, this is Annalisa.”
“Well ain't you the prettiest thing.” She said as Annalisa stood, “Bit young though, ain't she?”
“Ma.” Sy said.
“Just pokin' fun.” She said and went to her, taking her hands in hers warmly. “It's nice to meet you, Annalisa. My youngest has been goin' on and on about you and your clubs since he found out you and Kyle were datin'. Nice to put a face to the legend.”
“Thank you, ma'am, it's nice to meet you too.”
“Oh, please. Don't you “ma'am” me, it's Denise. Now let's get inside, the others are already 'round back. Hope you came hungry. We don't often have all our boys together so Jack is grillin' enough to feed an army.” She said as she pulled away, leading the way back to the house. Pictures of Sy at various ages along with his brothers lined the walls and the house was very...lived in, but not messy. Organized chaos of dog toys, children's toys, dog bowls in the kitchen. They made their way to the back of the house, Aika staying at Annalisa's side in reaching distance.
“Well look who it is!” They heard as they stepped out into the massive backyard.
“Hey, pops.” Sy said, going over to give him a hug. “Dad, this is Annalisa.”
“Ain't she pretty, Jack?” Denise asked and Annalisa felt her cheeks heat a little.
“As a picture.” Jack said and pulled Annalisa into a hug, taking her by surprise a little. “Sorry, shoulda asked first.”
“It's okay.” She said, smiling a little as she pulled away, “I don't mind hugs.”
“How do you like your burgers, Annalisa?” He asked.
“Actually, pops—”
“Rare.” She said, “The bloodier the better.”
“Woman after my own heart.” Jack said, turning back to the grill, “Should be ready in a few. Mikey is starin', so best put him out of his misery.”
“Cross that bridge when we get to it?” Sy whispered as they walked away and she nodded. She had noticed the young man trying his hardest to not be obvious in his stares, but he had very clearly failed. He had the same thick black hair Jack did, only his wasn't shot with white, clear pale skin, and the same blue eyes as the rest of them. Sy was handsome, his brother was straddling the line between that and pretty. “Mikey.”
“Hey, Sy.” Mike said, looking at Annalisa and back at his brother quickly.
“Oh for fucks sake, Mikey. Get it outta your system.”
“I love your clubs.” He said in a rush and she gave a small laugh, “Just...everything about them is awesome and the drinks are fantastic and—”
“I'm glad you enjoy yourself.” She said, cutting off the stream of words before he passed out from lack of oxygen, “Have you been getting taken care of okay?”
“Yeah!” He said, “Shocked the hell out of me and my friends when we went and got told I was on the VIP list. I know Sy told me I was, but it was still a surprise. I didn't think he was serious.”
“Why would I lie about that?” Sy asked and Mike shrugged. Sy was suddenly pulled into a headlock making her jump a little.
“How's it goin' little brother?!” The guy asked, rubbing the top of his head.
“Get off me Jake!” Sy said and got himself free, pushing him away. “Jackass.”
“Douchebag.” Jake said, “This the infamous Annalisa?”
“Nice to meet you.” She said with a snort and he gave her a quick once-over.
“You're way too pretty to be datin' this bum.” He said.
“And you're way too married.” Sy said.
“Dani and I separated, actually.” Jake said and Sy winced.
“Sorry, man, I didn't know.”
“Yeah, it's recent. Her and the kids are at her moms.” He said, “Anyway, you're certainly a step up from the Barbie.”
“Tiffany?” Annalisa asked and he nodded.
“Never liked her.” Jake said, “Always had a bad feelin' about her. 'Specially when she came onto me while Kyle was deployed.”
“You never told me that!” Sy said.
“Tellin' ya now. I turned her down hard and told her to fuck off.” Jake said, “Harpy ain't my type and ya know, I was married at the time.”
“Whatever, it don't matter anymore.” Sy said and laid his arm around her shoulders, “C'mon, let's go get you introduced to the others.” Looking over his shoulder as they walked away, he pointed at his eyes and then at Jake, who just flipped him off making him smile. Brothers.
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roydeezed · 11 months
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One Piece-Chapter Round-Up(Chapter 1085)
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Holy hell, my heart was in my throat the entirety of that chapter. There was such a sinister atmosphere engulfing the first part of this chapter. It really felt like stumbling upon something we shouldn’t have and the fact that we were so close to learning the truth was exhilarating. I don’t want to get into spoilers so I’ll put my more in-depth discussion below the cut. For now check out Franky and the cute turtles! It feels like forever since Franky’s been on one of these cover stories. To be honest I can’t remember the last one with him or Brook. But Franky’s defeated a crab trying to eat the baby turtles and is shepherding them to the sea. I swear that years after it ends people are going to find connections between these Cover Pages and details we haven’t found out. I say that because these baby turtles having to fend for themselves reminds me of how Franky had to fend for himself after being abandoned by his parents. I’m a freak about One Piece so I could go on about how I love Franky’s emotionality and how this reminds me of Tom taking care of a young Cutty Flam but let’s get to what we really should be talking about below the cut!
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To save some time and space let’s just say I was very generous with the use of expletives during this entire first part because it was that harrowing. Right away we start off with Imu referring to themselves in the third person while talking in an older style of speech. They talk about how the D clan were their ancient enemy. Coba also says how Imu was the name of one of the 20 Kings. If Imu isn’t Lili, which I still consider a slight possibility, then the fact that Imu cursed her mistakes gives way to a pretty clear narrative. Imu was the one that killed Lili for her mistakes. And if I’m trusting the clues through the dialogue and trusting that cultural differences and translation haven’t obscure anything, then Imu is a child who was given Ope Ope No Mi surgery and has been alive since the Void Century. Imu being alive since the Void Century comes from their formal olden day speech and being young comes from the fact that they refer to themselves in the third person and that it would be along the lines of Oda’s comedy and the parallels we’ve seen so far. Though it could be that Imu thinks of themselves so highly that they refer to themselves in the third person, I’m sticking to Imu being a kid cause it’s hilarious. And finally Imu being given the surgery also suggests one more part of the narrative. That combined with the fact that Imu doesn’t directly condemn Lili, instead wondering at her motives, makes me believe that Lili was the one that sacrificed herself to give Imu eternal life in a show of fealty. At least that’s how I see it playing out. And I can definitely be wrong as last chapter I was speculating that Lili was actually Imu. 
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As we see after Imu asks Cobra the question, Cobra admits that he knew he was probably going to die, as he was only holding on to a small sense of hope that was not gonna be the case.  It also seems like Lili was a secret co-conspirator to the D clan as Imu uses this moment to confirm that she indeed was a D. Now getting to the D’s. This gives us a lot of vital clues. But I think the most hope-affirming one is this: It’s not an inherited Name. Bear with me here. What does that mean? I think that the D is a chosen name. And the evidence in this chapter towards it is that there was a seemingly cute but mostly irrelevant flashback to Ace giving Sabo a D in his name. Sure, it was to show that he connected the dots but I think it’s for a deeper purpose. And the other piece of evidence backs that up. And that is that Imu didn’t know that Lili had a D in her name! Despite seeming to be comrades in arms! And the fact that Blackbeard was called a false D. And the stated fact that the D refers to the enemies of the Celestial Dragons. Do you understand? The D isn’t a family name. It’s a name that you take on when you oppose the Celestial Dragons. It’s been there all along! I literally stumbled across this while writing but I believe this wholeheartedly.
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And speaking of the D itself. I’ve always been of the mind that it’s been meaning Dawn. Cause think about this. Raftel was actually Laughtale. That clears up any illusion that the D must stand a Japanese word. And then the DON sound effect from the drums of Liberation. Just as how “Laugh” was obscured by being “Raf”, so too, at least in my opinion, is the “Dawn” obscured by “DON”. And obviously Romance Dawn being the title of the first volume and chapter is a huge clue. Alongside that is the idea of passing dreams down being similar to waiting for the dawn to rise. It fits the theme. And not only that. But the sun and moon imagery. The moon, being the lunarians and the kozuki and the minks and many others, who watch over the world and wait as the sun-coded warriors of D, such as the Sun God Nika in Luffy, bring about the dawn. I had previously thought the Dragons and the Gorosei and Imu represented the Moon and the people descended from there, but seeing the hellish and demonic imagery of this chapter makes me believe they represent the darkness and Hell itself. And seeing as we haven’t yet ventured back into a Impel Down like arc, I can see an arc in the future where it utilizes that. 
A few asides before we move on. First of all, the way the Gorosei literally looked like giant demons with their barbed tails, Oni and Akuma like silhouettes makes me think the naming of the Devil Fruits is a misdirect. The dragons have already manipulated history to obscure the true name of the Gomu Gomu No Mi so why couldn’t they do something similar for Devil Fruits? Maybe these powers come from the sacred treasure of Marejois. Some sort of parallel to the apples in the Garden of Eden? Another thing is that thinking of the Lunarians also brought up some ideas. While they are Moon-Coded, their name literally derives from Luna, they also wield the fire of the suns. I wonder if they were the mech pilots of the giant robots that were on Egghead as they required a lot of energy. Or if they were used as energy sources like some Omelas type thing. It would certainly fit with what I think happened to Kuma and his people.
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Anyways, I know it seems like this giant figure in the back crawling down the throne in the panel above is Imu but it’s actually one of the Gorosei. As you can see there are two silhouettes on either side, and when the five are shown again, the giant figure become the second one from the left in the panel below. Also we can see the snail capture the photograph that we eventually see in the newspaper.
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I wonder if they have something to do with the Giant Shadows at the end of Thriller Bark. Finally, let’s move on to the end. Wapol finds out the truth and saves Vivi, who was captured by CP0. It seems they were carrying out Imu’s orders, who was not only motivated by whatever they saw in the frozen chambers but also their personal goals. 
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That brings us to the end. Please let me know what you think of my theory that the D is a taken name because right now, that’s the only thing on my mind. Another thing I want to mention is that it reinforces the idea of inherited will and dreams. And spits in the face of fate and dynasties. Because Luffy chose the will of the D by following Shanks, not because he was Dragons son or Garps Grandson, those two oppose the Dragons their own way. It would also make sense why the Gum Gum Fruit chose him. He chose to oppose the order of the world by being kind. I’m still reeling from this chapter so I’ll end it here but I might reblog in the future if I have anything to add.
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artist-issues · 4 months
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Ok, I've been thinking about your wish posts for quite some time, and I’m very confused, can't seem to follow them. Magnifico's main philosophy is to forget without regret (he, like Faciler, is taking the easy route of life).
Even if a goal doesn't come true or you give up, you should still reconcile with those scars, grow, and let them heal naturally. You say the star thing is sacrificial, but it's not saying Asha is a literal star; she's connected to stardust; it more evokes how God says we are made in the image of him (we are obviously not god, but we are all connected to him and his children).  
Putting aside that, I don't think this movie is religious at all, and I find the implication insane. I think Star is more god, and Magnifico is a false idol and a corrupt leader. Asha sings the lyrics, so I look up at the stars to guide them, much like how the shepherds followed the stars to Bethelheman.
Taking the lyrics of at all costs into account, I'll promise, as one does, I'll protect you at all costs. He's locking them up and stealing their souls, and he wants to seal his people's desire to live so he can achieve ultimate power.
When Asha says I'm a star, she's saying anyone should spread peace and reflect on their scars, and the wishes that are dangerous can be stopped, so if society (Magnifco) decides you are useless or not needed in society, do you listen?
Well, God would never say people's autonomy is useless, like Magnifico, nor do you have to grant everyone's wish, but you can't determine people's way of living or their souls. With no offense, I find your analysis posts to be rather anti-human and I’m curious if you have any answers to these points
First:
Every story is presenting a worldview. If you present a worldview, that worldview WILL come into conflict with other worldviews that say the opposite thing.
Wish may not be saying a word about any one religion—but by presenting the philosophy that human beings have the power of the stars in them, from the star matter inside of them—it is in conflict with several religious worldviews.
"Powerful Stardust Inside Humans" an actual "religion/"worldview out here in the real world. It's founded in the "big bang theory," which as far as I know, guesses that the ancient stars of the universe were made up of helium, lithium, and hydrogen. Then the other elements (the ones that make up us) allegedly gradually formed inside of those, then allegedly blasted all throughout the galaxy during the Big Bang. Therefore, allegedly, life on planet earth is made from star debris, or "stardust."
Then New Age believers take that a step further and decide that this means that a spiritual connection is between us and the stars, which are powerful, because of their religious astrological beliefs.
Which is exactly what Wish is also presenting, as a worldview, in "I'm a Star!" and in every moment where Asha claims she can understand what Star is trying to tell her, and in every moment where the effects artists specifically caused characters' chests to glow with a Star sparkle. Real people in real life believe that real stardust in humans gives them real power.
And that belief is either based on truth, or it's not. People who believe it are either wrong, or they're right.
Because other worldviews believe the opposite of both the New Age idea that stardust has supernatural power, and the opposite of the Big Bang.
Christians, as you know, believe that the world was created (and Earth, which mankind was formed out of, was created before the stars) by the word of Yahweh. They believe the Big Bang Theory is false. They believe that worshipping creations like stars through astrology, or attributing any supernatural power to humans, is false and also wrong.
Other worldviews besides Christianity also don't believe in the Big Bang, or astrology, or New Age spiritualism. But Wish framed Star and the whole "I'm a Star!" song as if these things are the truth...meaning, everything else is not true.
So you can say it had nothing to say about religion, but just by presenting a worldview that is contrary to many religions...it is saying something about religion. It is saying religion is incorrect. Passive-aggressively. But still saying it.
Second:
Star does not represent the God of the Bible in any way.
As I've said before, Star is presented as a higher power, because he is blatantly connected to the wishing stars of other Disney movies—which have been higher powers—but then he's able to be defeated. He's trapped easily by Magnifico. He is unable to rescue himself and has to be rescued by everyone else.
Nothing about that is like the God of the Bible.
Additionally, he's just one star. I feel like everybody is acting like there aren't other stars in the sky—the movie never presents Star the character as the only powerful godlike being in the heavens—in fact, the movie has a line from Asha's father about how "the stars (plural) are there to guide us." There's only one God, the God of the Bible specifically claims to be the only higher power.
Plus, even if Wish were saying that Star is the only wishing star, as a parallel to God's exclusive existence...he does nothing to "guide" Asha.
He doesn't suggest a path for her to take. She just decides she wants to go get Sabino's Wish back, and Star does cute little antics like any super-powered sidekick might to help out, and then she gets Sabino's wish back. Then later, he gives her magical tools that wind up being no help at all—she gets captured by Magnifico anyway. In the climax, he just sort of...pushes on the wishes, then gets sucked into a staff. He very simply does nothing super-helpful. He's just the regular amount of ordinary-helpful to Asha.
Besides, when we say a higher power "guides a character," we usually mean that they offer the hero a choice, and that choice challenges the character to choose what they need instead of just what they want. Like the Blue Fairy (the original wishing star) or Mama Odie. They aren't with the heroes every step of the way, jumping in to do part of the work of the adventure. Jumping in and doing part of the work is what Ray the firefly or Jiminy Cricket do. Star jumps in and does part of the work, like a sidekick; he does not give guidance or direction or a challenge that deepens the hero like the Blue Fairy, or Mama Odie, or The Enchantress. And like I said, he's nothing like God—
—except that he's presented like a higher power who gives guidance, only to actually do the opposite of that, which is a commentary on how the creators of Wish see "higher powers." I can't explain it any more clearly than that.
Also, just for point of reference, the phrase "made in God's image" does not line up at all with Asha's "connection" to Star. Because like I just said, Star's set up like he's supposed to be a higher power but then fails, so he's not that high of a power. Asha's "connection" to Star is a direct link to real New Age Evolutionary spirituality—they say, word-for-word, what New Age Evolutionary Spiritualists say in real life in the song "I'm a Star!"
Which is it: is the movie not religious at all, or is Star God while Magnifico's a false idol?
See, you can't even talk about Wish without acknowledging that it says something about higher powers, I.e. God.
I've already explained why Star isn't an accurate representation of the God of the Bible: he's more an accurate representation of what humanists believe about higher powers: they believe we're all "higher powers." (Which is to say, everyone is powerful and nobody, not stars or gods or nature, is higher than humans.)
But listen—they borrowed the idea of "look up at the stars to guide me" from several different places. One, yes, the Bible. Two, all of navigational history, which uses stars like maps. Three, astrology, which believes that stars give literal spiritual guidance and have an effect on everything that happens on earth. So no. It wasn't a direct one-to-one comparison to the wise men who followed the star to Bethlehem.
Your Claims About What the Movie is Saying:
"He wants to steal people's desires to live" - No, he doesn't, that's not in the movie. All the adults in Rosa's no longer have their wishes; none of them act depressed or suicidal. Not even Asha's mother, after her wish is literally crushed in front of her.
"When Asha says I'm a star, she's saying anyone should spread peace and reflect on their scars" - That's just a theory of yours; it's not supported by the movie. Nobody in the movie wrestled with "their scars." Not even Magnifico. The movie just hints that he lost something in his past—it never fully fleshes out that he's still upset by that, or afraid of losing anything he cares about except power. Asha's father is dead, but other than one line about how nobody should have to live with that pain (which is the opposite of "reflecting" on scars) the loss of her father is never treated like a deep emotional wound she needs to acknowledge or overcome. It's never mentioned again in the movie.
The thing is, none of your points are supportable from what's in the movie. You're reading more meaning into it than the movie actually has—and some of that meaning, the movie itself contradicts.
About how my posts are anti-human:
They're not anti-human. They're anti-humanist, maybe. I don't believe humans are the center of everything. I don't believe they are just as powerful as "higher powers." The point of "higher" powers is that they're HIGHER than what? Higher than humans.
God absolutely does determine what's right and wrong; He invented "right." And He does judge people's lifestyle, and their souls. Sure, Magnifico had no right to do that—but you know what, it's not because "nobody should decide how an individual lives except the individual themselves!" —it's because Magnifico is human. So he doesn't get to judge. God however? God gets to judge. God gets to decide. And He always makes the right decision.
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seyaryminamoto · 6 months
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The Shadows in her Reflection: Sokkla Saturdays 2023
Day 5: Fire
Rated: M
On FF.net//On AO3
A/N:
Recent developments in ATLA's canon have basically decreed that this canon/comics-compliant fic is, of course, no longer canon/comics-compliant. This is no surprise to anyone, I'm sure. It's not even that the changes were huge, they weren't, but there's certainly one important difference between this story and the comic that I'd like to... talk about, I guess?
Azula's Kemurikage group, the Fire Warriors, what have you, have always been an awkward team due to the absolute lack of personality, development and fleshing out of how, exactly, they ever ended up working together. Azula broke them out of the asylum: why did they follow her afterwards? No one knows. Did she get along with any of them? No one knows. Everything is a huge question mark and, unfortunately, the new comic basically did nothing to answer these questions. Instead, it twists them even more by featuring the team being perfectly normal, adjusted, decent individuals while Azula is the only one who is a terrible, no-good person. This invites new questions: why were they in the asylum at all if there's no sign of mental illness or any unusual behavior in these people? Were they locked up under false pretenses of mental illness? If so, that should be fleshed out a bit more, right? Maybe being sent to an asylum when they were 100% okay, mentally speaking, is what makes people like them crave vengeance against the system!
... But that's not really how it reads, and it ends up proposing an interpretation of these characters that I frankly can't describe as anything but shrugworthy. Somehow they're not competent enough to avoid capture but they're competent enough to break free their imprisoned member, without Azula's help...? It's all too convenient, I'd say.
Point of all this is... the Zirin I wrote in this chapter was very much written over a month ago, probably two months ago instead. The character I decided to portray was not going to be a perfectly normal cute girl who loves her friends, because someone with that kind of personality doesn't make a lot of sense joining rogue Azula's terrorist group, if you ask me. I've constantly used Zirin's only line at Yang's hands to decide how to portray her, in which she comes off as brash, harsh, impatient, goal-oriented and willing to defy Azula. In this story, I've granted her a certain unique danger as a firebender that clearly is of my invention and has nothing to do with her canon portrayal. I'm saying all this to make it very clear that I understand how different this character turned out to be in the newest comic, and I acknowledge those differences... but I'm not rewriting this chapter, or this whole story, just to make a terrorist gang look like innocent little lambs who were just guided by a bad shepherd. If they could walk away as easily as they did, I don't understand what was keeping them with Azula in the first place.
Anyway. That would be that, as far as author's notes are concerned here. Hope you guys enjoy the chapter!
A tense silence hung in the air as Azula's placid mood shifted rapidly: she glared at her brother, whose golden gaze carried a mercilessness in it that starkly reminded her of someone else… someone he would do best not to try to imitate in any way.
That cruelty diminished when he turned his attention towards Ursa: his brow drew together slightly, puzzled by her presence around Azula, but he stepped towards her, reaching a protective hand to his mother's shoulder, as though to reel her to safety, away from his sister.
"I didn't know you were here…" Zuko said, his voice softer now. "Are you okay? Did she do anything to you?"
"She… no! Of course not!" Ursa exclaimed, startling Azula by her vehement, firm response. Zuko froze, eyes wide – the last thing he'd known about their bond, of course, was that Azula wanted to kill her own mother…
"W-well… good, then," Zuko said, still urging Ursa to pull away from the table she had been sitting at with Azula…
She didn't move.
"Mom?" Zuko frowned, glancing at Azula with eyes that turned from confused to accusatory in a heartbeat – he thought she'd done something to twist his beloved mother's mind, did he? As usual…
"What is the meaning of this?" Ursa huffed, shaking Zuko's hand off and folding her arms across her chest. "What do you think you're doing, Zuko?"
"What…?" Zuko scowled. "Mom, it's Azula! She's a hazard to your safety, to everyone's safety! You knew that, you've known that for years, she's been causing unnecessary trouble and chaos all across the Fire Nation and…!"
He faltered, frowning more heavily as the utterly confusing situation started to sink in: Azula… sitting placidly at a table with their mother. No screaming, no crying, no accusations, no murder attempts…
He froze on the spot, staring at Azula as though she'd suddenly twist herself into some manner of wicked spirit that could shapeshift as it pleased. Naturally, no such thing happened.
"And she's your sister. My daughter," Ursa said, firmly. Azula's heart jolted upon hearing her speak those words with such confidence. "And you? As far as I've understood, you issued out actual wanted posters asking for her death, Zuko? Did you, truly?"
For once, Zuko paled and backed down. It was almost amusing to see the Fire Lord balking over his mother's fury… but Azula couldn't help but dread whatever Zuko's ultimate reaction to this apparent betrayal might be.
"I… look, I've learned since then that I was wrong in some of my assumptions, but I only did that because it looked like she had kidnapped Sokka!" Zuko exclaimed. "Which… damn it. Guards! Search for Sokka in the rest of the house. Is he here, or did you ditch him somewhere when you had no use for him anymore?"
His snarl towards Azula displeased Ursa, but Azula wouldn't simply hide behind her mother throughout this conversation. Instead, she smirked at his words.
"What makes you think I'd find no more use for him?" she said. "He's a rather helpful ally…"
"What the hell did you do to him? How did you get into his head?" Zuko huffed, glaring at her. "Sokka wouldn't have teamed up with you willingly, leaving his sister to think you'd have kidnapped or killed him…!"
"I was led to believe that he'd written a letter to explain he was leaving. If she overreacted to it? That's no fault of his…" Azula shrugged. Zuko scoffed.
"Everything about Sokka's disappearance was fishy as hell! And then I find out that the two of you have been traveling all over the place, trying to shake off pursuit…!"
"That's not what we were doing," Azula said, hands on her hips. "At least, not at first. We certainly had to put more effort into shaking it off once you and your unhelpful guards turned up, but we weren't always shaking off annoyances, that's for sure…"
"None of this makes a smidge of sense," Zuko said, glaring at her. "But whatever you've deceived him with, whatever nonsense you've done to manipulate him, it's over now: we either do this the good way or the bad way, Azula."
Azula scowled: the guards near Zuko were ready to chain her down, were they? Never again. Whatever she had to do to stop them from…
"Absolutely not!"
Azula froze: again, Ursa's demeanor and determination to protect her caught her off guard, much as it did Zuko.
Then, that surprise increased all the more when her mother clasped her hand, urging her to stand behind her… offering herself as a shield to the disbelieving Azula, as a wall to overcome for the utterly aghast Zuko.
"Mom! W-what are you doing?!" Zuko exclaimed: the guards behind him, whether brandishing weapons or shackles, hesitated to move now.
"I'm doing what I have to do! What you're making me do, I'd dare say!" Ursa declared. "What do you think you're doing, treating your sister this way? I don't care what terrible things you think she has done, she's your sister! Stand down and tell those guards to put aside those horrible shackles!"
"Mom… come to your senses. Whatever she's told you…!" Zuko said, pleadingly. Ursa snarled.
"She has told me the truth! She has been honest, human, real, in ways most people refuse to be around me, these days!" Ursa exclaimed, startling Zuko. "I… I have a chance, for once, to do right by Azula and you will never persuade me not to take it! Whatever you intend to do to her, you'll do it to me first! Be it imprisonment, or moreover, execution!"
"Mom!" Zuko's eyes were struck with utter horror… whereas Azula's widened with amazement: could her mother truly be that courageous when she wanted to be? That was a rather pleasant surprise. If Zuko had been Ozai, he would have laughed in her face and subjected her to the exact treatment she had demanded…
"You are a better man than this," Ursa declared, firmly. "I know you are. So either you listen to me now and stand down… or you're losing me, just as much as you're willing to lose Azula."
That threat, evidently, didn't sit well with the Fire Lord: he glared at Azula in confusion, in horror… did he think Azula had taken Ursa from him? If he hadn't grown up at all, he might just believe that. Azula truly wondered if he might conclude something like that…
"You don't have to…" Zuko said, staring at Ursa in chagrin. "Why are you doing this? Mom…"
"Because it was about time I did," Ursa said, fists tight. "I've never been the mother she deserves. I never have been the one you deserve, either… but even if she doesn't truly need me, it won't change that I finally know what I want to do, and who I want to be, now that I can be part of her life anew. I never imagined the first person I'd have to defend her from would be you, Zuko… but I'm not afraid to do it."
Zuko stepped back, confused betrayal plain across his features: to this day, he prized the approval of those he admired and loved far more than would ever be healthy, Azula suspected. He didn't know what to do, or how to react to the possibility that his sister would have anyone on her side anymore… let alone that the person standing with her would be none other than his mother.
But the gravity of the situation didn't sink in properly for him. No, it couldn't possibly do that… not after a rather unflattering scream pierced their ears, drifting from the direction of Sokka's room.
"Sokka…!" Azula gasped: had he still been resting? Oh, she hoped he had at least been about to come out for breakfast by the time the soldiers stormed the room…
Naturally, Sokka's luck wouldn't favor him: he pulled the covers up to his chest, bashful and confused when several guards barged into the room, hands raised in defensive katas until they flinched out of form over what they found.
"W-what the hell is this?!" Sokka squealed. "Get out! Go away! W-where did all of you even come from, what…?!"
Heavier footsteps down the corridor marched straight to the room: Sokka had no time to prepare himself, or hide better under the bed, when Zuko marched in, unceremoniously.
He froze on the spot, face paling, upon finding Sokka's upper body appeared to be bare.
"W-what…? Sokka?!" Zuko squealed.
"Zuko! You… you can't just invade someone's privacy this way!" Sokka squealed, cheeks flushed as he struggled to find any way out of this predicament.
"Y-you're just… asleep? You didn't even notice we were raiding the place…?!" Zuko exclaimed… eyes drifting around the room warily to find clothing items scattered all around. His eyebrow twitched at the sight of a very evident male undergarment… "Sokka?"
"Yes?" Sokka said, with a small voice.
"Are you naked under that sheet?" Zuko asked, a dangerous glint in the harshness of his glare. Sokka winced. "You… you were naked, in a house with my mother and my sister?! That's what's going on, you idiot?!"
"I…! I…!" Sokka struggled to come up with anything to say, anything at all: he couldn't possibly fight Zuko off like this, he had no weapons at hand, for they were in his actual room… for this was Azula's, actually. Half the clothes scattered around were hers…
Zuko might notice that sooner than later. If he did, he'd realize he had slept with Azula, and then Sokka would be dragged out of here and paraded as a heathen all across town for inappropriate behavior… well, perhaps the townsfolk wouldn't really judge him for that, considering the previous day's festival, but Zuko would certainly judge him non-stop for it. He might even declare him a criminal in the Fire Nation for desecrating the Princess's virtue, as estranged as she might be from her family…
Said Princess, however, suddenly burst into the room, pushing past her brother and startling Sokka with her arrival, welcome as it might be, even if it terrified him too. It suddenly crossed his mind that she would have been better off running away, out of Zuko's reach, out of sight… he would capture her otherwise. She wouldn't be safe…
And yet she seemed to be here to protect him, instead.
"No need… to kick up a ruckus," Azula said, spreading her arms in a defensive gesture as she stood between Sokka and Zuko, without sparing even a glance over her shoulder at her lover. "Sokka is just… unrefined that way!"
"He… you're not telling me that you two have been traveling together for months and he's been constantly sleeping naked near you, are you?!" Zuko squealed, his face a mask of disgust. Azula gritted her teeth as she sought to spin her lie far better than she had…
"I only do it in the Fire Nation!" Sokka suddenly exclaimed, picking up her slack when she faltered briefly. "It's… way too hot around here! So, I just wanted to sleep comfortably and I did it this way! Nothing more to it!"
"Oh, really? And my sister and my mother being here didn't deter you from acting like a creep?!" Zuko asked. Azula scoffed as Sokka processed now that Ursa was back already…
"How do you know that neither me nor Mother do the same thing in the privacy of our rooms?" Azula asked. Zuko yelped. "The three of us might just have a perfect understanding when it comes to preferences in attire, or lack thereof, during nighttime, and we can very well keep… proper, respectful boundaries, in those instances. Such as not barging into other people's rooms without at least knocking first."
"Y-you…" Zuko grimaced, glaring at Sokka with disgust again. Sokka smiled, waving at him, still holding the sheet to his chest. "You have a lot to answer for, Sokka. I mean it."
"Yeah, yeah, well, unless you want me to answer it with my business hanging out in plain sight, I suggest we discuss that later," Sokka smiled awkwardly. Zuko winced, shaking his head in disgust as he turned around.
"Everyone, out! Sokka, get dressed, and come out here to answer for this mess!" Zuko bellowed. "And if you try to run away, I'll… I'll hunt you down all over again! Understood?"
"Geez, fine, damn it, so loud and authoritarian…" Sokka sighed, shaking his head: Zuko shot him one last glare over his shoulder before stepping out of the room. The guards followed… and Azula lingered behind, even though they kept watching her from the corridor, in case either one did anything dangerous. Sokka smiled sadly at her, and Azula responded in kind.
"He just barged in a while ago. Don't even know how he found us yet, but…" Azula said. Sokka sighed. "Go on, get dressed. I have no idea what's going to happen next, but… at least Mom seems to be keeping Zuko at bay, mostly."
"Heh. Come to think of it, he's one hell of a momma's boy, isn't he?" Sokka smirked. Azula smiled at his statement. "You have a reliable ally in Ursa, if she meant what she said yesterday… though I'm surprised she's already here."
"She came by early. Tried to cook. Didn't really go so well," Azula explained. "Anyway, so far she's on our side, and we might just be safe, to a fault, for as long as she is. So… dress up and get ready for anything. I don't know what Zuko's going to react like, going forward."
"Okay… okay," Sokka nodded. Azula nodded back, wistfully gazing at him before walking through the doorway and marching away – she would have gladly kissed him, helped him dress up, but not under those guards' watchful glares.
They hadn't really talked about keeping their relationship secret, but it seemed an obvious decision to do so, particularly when they hadn't truly settled the terms of their dynamic yet. It was difficult to label it as anything specific, after all. By the time they decided on those things, they'd also decide on whether to keep matters quiet still, or be entirely open about what they meant to each other…
After around ten minutes – Sokka had to dress in his same clothes from the previous night, to then return to his actual room and change into a proper, clean outfit there –, the Water Tribesman returned to the kitchen area, where the Fire Nation Royals remained at a standstill. The guards had backed off out of the room, providing them with more privacy than before. Zuko glared pointedly at Sokka, who held his hands up defensively.
"No need to be so cranky, Zuko. Curses, you'd think I took a dump on your favorite portrait or something," Sokka huffed.
"Heh. Might as well do it if he keeps treating you that way, at least you'd earn the scowls fair and square," Azula smirked at him. Sokka snorted, shaking his head as he laughed at her remark.
"You two…" Zuko snarled, as Sokka fastened his hair into its proper wolf's tail.
Azula bit her lip as she watched him, probably more shamelessly than she should have. The way his muscles flexed… and curses, as used as she had become to seeing him with his hair down as they traveled, as shocked as she had been by how well it complemented his features, now she realized the attraction she had experienced towards him hadn't diminished in the least now that his hair was tied up again.
"What?" Sokka pouted, hands on his hips once he was done fixing his hair. "Got a problem with my, uh, partnership with Azula?"
"What the hell are you even partners for?!" Zuko squealed. "Sokka, come back to your senses, can you? Mom, well, she's Mom! She's protecting her kid, but you? What do you get out of all of this?"
"Me?" Sokka started: the immediate, obvious answer could not be spoken. He felt Azula's keen stare on him, and his cheeks flushed as he struggled how to convey something that wouldn't set off Zuko any more than he already was…
"And you!" Zuko scoffed, glaring at Azula next. "Of all people, you… joined up with Sokka. Sokka! You two are… well, not the biggest mismatched pair of all time because you clearly are thrilled to be terrible influences on each other, as your last exchange proved…!"
"Come on, now, I'm far worse for him than he ever could hope to be for me…" Azula said, bringing Sokka to smile fondly at her.
"Point is, you two used to not want anything to do with each other and I'm not exactly aware of when the hell that changed," Zuko growled. "Or why, for that matter."
"Uh… you wouldn't believe it, I think, if we explained," Sokka swallowed hard, glancing at Azula with uncertainty. She sighed.
"Promise you won't drag me by the hair to the asylum or anywhere of the sort if we do explain…?" Azula said. Ursa, beside her, winced.
"He won't do any such thing to you. He can't. And if he ever tries to take you elsewhere, I'll see to stopping him," Ursa said. Zuko flinched: Ursa being on his sister's side was devastating, infuriating, even…
"Mom…" he said, pleadingly.
"The thing is, I… have been seeing visions of someone," Azula said, with a dry grin. "Someone Sokka was close to. And it's not just random visions, but a strange, mysterious, deeper connection than that…"
"The hell are you talking about?" Zuko grimaced. Sokka sighed.
"Azula is connected to Yue," he said. Zuko's eyes widened, and he turned his attention to Sokka again.
"What? Yue? The girlfriend who turned into the moon?" Zuko asked, confused. "Wait. Azula? What the hell did you do?! Is that weird thing with the moon darkening or fading from the sky your fault?!"
"Right! Because I'm so damn powerful that I can annihilate the moon altogether, isn't that right?" Azula said, with a sardonic smile. Sokka stepped forward, placing a placating hand on Zuko's shoulder.
"Azula didn't do anything intentionally. We don't actually understand what happened to the moon. As far as Yue explained to her, a comet crashed into it somehow and maybe that's what started all this," Sokka said. Zuko scoffed.
"And how do you know it's really Yue?" Zuko nearly squealed. "She could be tricking you!"
"Right! Let's see: did you ever tell your sister about Yue?" Sokka asked. Zuko frowned. "My relationship with Yue wasn't exactly public knowledge, you know? Only a handful of people were aware of it, mostly people close to me, and the only one among those people who has frequently crossed paths with Azula is you. How did she know Yue and I had anything going on if none of you told her, huh?"
"I… don't know! Azula has ways of figuring things out! She's smart in… messed up ways!" Zuko huffed, shaking a hand in Azula's direction. The Princess rolled her eyes and drew the mirror from her pocket.
"No doubt I'm smart enough to know exact details about how Sokka flirted by asking to do 'an activity' with Yue, huh?" Azula said. Sokka blushed a little, though he smiled fondly at the embarrassing memory.
"An activity?" Zuko repeated. "Is that some kind of… innuendo?"
"What? No! Get your head out of the gutter!" Sokka winced, lightly shoving Zuko for his remark. "Seriously, dude, we were just kids! I had no idea what I was doing, so I said something dumb and silly and… it's endearing, damn you! That's all it was!"
"Yue certainly agrees," Azula smiled. Sokka grinned back at her, and Zuko brought a hand to his forehead.
"All I'm getting out of this is… she figured out your weakness. And she's manipulating you through it," Zuko said, with a dry grin: both Sokka and Azula glared at him, unamused by his assumption.
"You really underestimate Sokka's mind that much?" Azula said. "Tell me again, why are you friends with my brother, exactly, Sokka?"
"If he keeps that up, maybe I won't be one for much longer," Sokka grumbled. "You know what? Azula! Did I ever tell you about what Zuko did in the North Pole?"
"Uh… no. I kind of forgot he was there for the siege, come to think of it," Azula said, raising an eyebrow. "Mustn't have been very impactful if I can't remember any reports of anything noteworthy he did…"
"More like he did something incredibly stupid that he most likely doesn't want us to bring up…" Sokka said, staring at Zuko sternly. Zuko grimaced.
"Look, I was another person back then…!"
"Ask Yue to tell you, Azula. Go on," Sokka said.
Azula blinked blankly, glancing at the mirror. Yue grimaced.
"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine, I'm fine. My brother's on the verge of a nervous breakdown, maybe, but I'm alright," Azula said. Yue smiled warmly. "Did you hear the question?"
"I did, and I… I do remember what happened. It's not very flattering for your brother, though…"
"Any unflattering stories about Zuzu are worth his weight in gold," Azula declared. Zuko snarled at her, but her attention remained on the mirror. "Go on, tell me."
With that, Yue began her retelling. Zuko glared at her as Azula raised her eyebrows slowly.
"She says… she was with Katara when the Avatar started meditating in the oasis," Azula began. Zuko's eyes widened. "Says she panicked about Aang crossing over suddenly, he was glowing and all… and that's when Zuko showed up. Huh. Apparently, you mocked Katara and said she was a 'big girl now' because she was confident that she could protect the Avatar by herself?"
"Woah, woah, woah… you said WHAT to my sister?!" Sokka squeaked. "I didn't know that part!"
"I…!" Zuko's cheeks reddened: Sokka hadn't been there to hear that, it was true…
"That is incredibly inappropriate. Shame on you, Zuzu," Azula said, before focusing on the mirror again. Sokka's eyebrow twitched as he stared down his friend ruthlessly. "Alright, then… Yue says she left, but Katara explained later that you defeated her once the sun rose and then took Aang forcibly even though they weren't supposed to move his body at all, so he'd know where to return once he came back. Why was he going to the Spirit World to begin with…? Uh… oh. Huh. He wanted to get help from spirits to defeat the Fire Nation forces, then. Anyway, after that… Katara, Yue and Sokka flew on Appa to find you, because you ran off through the tundra. They found you by some cave and… heh. Yue says Katara beat you in a single move. Nicely done."
"That was very gratifying to see," Sokka said, with a dry grin. Zuko groaned, covering his face with a hand.
"And after that… you and Katara wanted to leave Zuko to freeze to death?" Azula asked, glancing at Sokka in disbelief. "Yue… apparently had no opinion on the matter. Aang's the only reason why Zuko didn't actually just… wow."
"Let's just say, months of being chased by someone makes you very unfriendly towards them," Sokka said. "But you know what's funny, Zuko? I actually regret having said that nowadays. Even if I know why I did it, and I don't think there was any way I wouldn't have, under those circumstances… ultimately, I'm glad you survived. I'm glad you're here, and that we became friends when we did."
Zuko eyed him with uncertainty, aware already that Sokka was going down a rather unpleasant road with that particular reasoning…
"So, as hard as it can be for you to fathom that maybe someday you'll look back on your relationship with your sister and feel the same way about it? I can guarantee that I already reached that stage," Sokka said, arms folded over his chest. "She's the real deal. She's not lying to me, I know she's not. That's Yue in her mirror, in her reflections, in her dreams… it is her. And we're traveling together so we can help Yue see all the sights and places she never could while she was alive, so she can experience the cycle of the seasons, all those things!"
"Right," Zuko grunted, his eyebrow twitching. "And what happens after Yue's had her fill? Do we go back to terrorism, Azula?"
"I…" Azula gritted her teeth, and Sokka scoffed. "I know it's hard to believe I don't intend to do that, but I… won't do that. Not anymore."
"You really don't need to talk to her that way, damn you," Sokka huffed.
"It's going to take a while to convince you of anything, I know it will, but…" Azula said, breathing deeply. "I don't feel the need to do that sort of stuff nowadays. And yes, that doesn't fix all the chaos I caused…"
"You messed with Uncle Iroh not that long ago!" Zuko exclaimed. Azula winced, and Sokka snorted.
"Come on, now. What she did there wasn't terrorism, it was… a prank," he said, with a shrug.
"A surprisingly tame and yet amusing one, at that," Ursa agreed. Azula grimaced, eyeing her mother with uncertainty.
"Here I thought you'd found it terrible too…" she said. Ursa huffed, shaking her head with certainty.
"Zuko is concerned, or should be, about things that endanger the Fire Nation," she said. "I hardly see how a playful, if ill-spirited prank, could achieve that."
"Don't make excuses for her!" Zuko groaned. "Mom…!"
"Making excuses?" Ursa asked, raising her eyebrows. "Do tell… what did you do, exactly, when I told you about how my terrible, no-good choices had resulted in your father treating you as poorly as he did?"
Zuko froze. Ursa smiled sardonically.
"I told you I was unforgivable. You said you disagreed. You made excuses. You said I had no choice," she said.
"But that's different…!"
"Yes: what I did to you and your sister was far worse than what Azula did to Iroh," Ursa finished. Zuko groaned. "So, for that matter…"
"Why the hell are you both so determined to protect her from me?" Zuko exclaimed, looking at them helplessly. "When did I become the bad guy in this situation?"
"Why, I would gladly say you're not… but you certainly pushed your tiles to that corner when you issued out wanted posters calling for her to be caught dead or alive," Ursa said. Zuko winced.
"Well, I don't really want her dead! I just don't want her endangering anyone, simple as that!"
"You just saw she's not doing that right now, so for that matter, you can just as well leave the way you came," Sokka said. Zuko scoffed.
"Your sister's worried sick about you," Zuko said. Sokka winced. "And you have a lot of answers to give her too. Me? I'd rather focus on my own sister, but if you would be so kind and go back to Republic City, talk to Katara and Aang, and tell them what's going on…"
"Yeah, no. I'm not leaving Azula," Sokka said, firmly. Her cheeks flushed upon hearing his certainty. Zuko snarled.
"If you don't trust me to be reasonable with her, at least trust that my mother will keep me in check!" Zuko exclaimed. "Besides…! Why the hell are you standing up for her like this? Why are you so sure that you're making the right choice here? Sokka…"
"Do you really think you know the first thing about Azula?" Sokka asked. Azula scowled.
"If he doesn't, you're not about to start giving things away, now, are you?" Azula scoffed. Sokka shrugged.
"Nah, but… I'm just saying, he doesn't understand how I spent months with you, does he?" Sokka said. "And not only do we not hate each other after all that, we're getting along great! At least, on the most part."
"What's that supposed to mean? In what regards do you not get along…?" Zuko scowled. Sokka ignored him.
"My point is, if your own brother has no idea why I'm protective of you, maybe that's the very reason why I should be," Sokka said. Azula raised an eyebrow. "I'm not letting anything bad happen to you."
"Nor will I," Ursa said. Zuko snarled, rubbing his brow in frustration.
"What makes anyone think I'm going to…? Ugh!" he growled, shaking his head in disbelief. "I still don't understand how exactly I'm the bad guy here, but have it your way!"
"Zuko…" Azula called him, earning herself a resentful glare. "If I agree to go with you for questioning, or whatever you want from me… what would my status be, exactly? Would you deem me your prisoner, or…?"
"I…" Zuko gritted his teeth: evidently, affirming that last question would be utterly stupid. But what would she be, if not a prisoner? He sighed, shaking his head. "You'd be… an honored guest. That's what."
He spoke the words with poorly contained bitterness. Azula sighed, hands on her hips as Ursa scrutinized her son intently.
"Whatever you intend to inflict upon her, you'll subject me to it first," Ursa said. Zuko pouted. "I figured I'd remind you of that. But if Azula is an honored guest, I'll probably be pleased with my own treatment too."
Zuko snarled, rubbing his brow with his fingertips and shaking his head. Even the sight of her son in apparent distress didn't change Ursa's tune.
"Whatever. I… I'll wait for you outside. Get your things, if you have any. You're coming back to the Palace with me. Guests," Zuko reiterated, with a dry grin, before turning on his heels and leaving the room – clearly, he needed some time to himself to stew over the shocking betrayal of seeing his mother taking Azula's side to that extent.
"Well, that wasn't a total disaster. Almost, but not in the end," Sokka said, smiling awkwardly before turning towards Azula. "You okay?"
"I'm… I'm fine. Which is not what I expected to say after being face-to-face with Zuko again," Azula admitted, raising her eyebrows. She turned towards her mother, who still seemed slightly displeased… "You didn't have to go that far…"
"What, you mean by telling him he'd have to do to me anything he did to you?" Ursa asked. "Considering that was what it took for him to restrain that hostility… I suspect I did have to."
"Heh," Azula said, with a weak grin. "You might just have lost your mind slightly, then."
"Maybe it's Zuko who did," Sokka said. "We're, uh, going with him? You sure? I mean, even if I know it wouldn't be the nicest thing to do, we could run away now…"
"No. I think running now would seal my fate, who knows if yours too, as an enemy of the Fire Nation," Azula said. "If this is the first and only time that I'll have a chance to settle things with Zuko, I'd do best to take it."
"Well, if you say so. But I'm standing by you through and through," Sokka said, stubbornly. Azula smiled at those words, perhaps more fondly than she should have.
"You'd better hold some of that back. He's going to start, well… suspecting that you weren't sleeping like that just because the weather is too warm," Azula said, cheeks flushing. Sokka winced, eyes flickering towards Ursa warily. She eyed them with a knowing grin.
"Well, that's for the two of you to discuss. I'm sure you'll figure out a plan on what to do, going forward," Ursa said. "I'll keep an eye on Zuko and make certain that he's not combusting over this. Go gather your things. Mine are at the inn, after all… oh, but finish the mochi at least before we go, Azula. They're edible, if nothing else is…"
"And Zuko cut me off just as I was having them… that's a bigger crime than any I ever committed," Azula groaned, eyeing her guilty pleasure sweets with longing.
"What about you?" Sokka asked Ursa. "You'll eat something, or…?"
"I'll make Zuko's staff feed me, why not?" Ursa smirked. "It's still early anyway. I'll have them set up proper breakfasts for the two of you later. Maybe I'll even stay and watch how they make the meals, that way, once we're on the road again after Zuko lets us go, I'll be able to cook some food…"
"You… w-wait, what?" Sokka blinked blankly. Ursa raised an eyebrow.
"Oh. Uh. Well, you'll have to discuss that first," she said, with an awkward grin. "I'm sure you'll want to have a say upon that. I'll just… go now."
"Right…?" Sokka watched Ursa walk away with confusion… but he turned his eyes on the blushing Azula before the woman was out of sight. "I guessed I'd missed a lot of things, but that's a bit more than I expected. What was that?"
"Well… we talked. It's probably the best conversation I've ever had with her," Azula said. "I never really thought she might be plagued by her own set of troubles, truth be told. It seems she's a little lost in life, too. Might be expected for someone to feel that way, after having two lives to conciliate into one…"
"Might be," Sokka agreed, nodding. "And after getting to understand her better, does she understand you a little better too?"
"I think my outburst from last night saw to that," Azula sighed, leading Sokka back to the corridors where the rooms were. "I, uh… I'm sorry I blew up as I did. I may have inflicted a lot more strife upon you both than I should have."
"I wouldn't call it that," Sokka said, eyeing her with heartfelt compassion. "I'm sorry too, I kind of antagonized you and pushed too hard when we were alone later too…"
"I'm glad you did," Azula said. Sokka raised his eyebrows. "Though you're starting to grow a little too good at understanding whatever I need, whenever I need it. It's, uh… disconcerting."
"Heh. It's always nice to know I'm surprising you in a good way," Sokka grinned. Azula smiled back at him. "But… you really seem calmer now. Was it Ursa, or…?"
"Actually… it was Yue."
Sokka froze, uncertain of what those words meant. Azula, however, smiled as she shook her head in his direction.
"Does it ever bother you, being right about things as often as you are?" she asked. Sokka blushed slightly.
"About… which things?" he asked.
"She doesn't hate me for… well, us. She actually… asked me what sleeping with you had been like, the utter weirdo," Azula laughed. Sokka smiled, cheeks flushing further upon hearing that. "I apologized, but she… she didn't need apologies. She didn't feel betrayed. She said she loved you… and that she loved me, too."
Sokka's eyes widened, though his heart soared upon hearing that: of course Yue would love Azula. Of course she would have grown to see what he had, surely far earlier too…
"Seems like she really just wants us to be happy together, so… guess we'll have to figure out how to achieve that, huh?" Azula smiled teasingly at him. Sokka chuckled, shrugging.
"I'm sure we have an idea or two on how to start," he said, stepping closer and taking her face into his hands.
This time, Azula was aware of the weight of Yue's mirror in her pocket. She didn't draw back from Sokka's kiss regardless, hand upon his chest as they pecked each other multiple times, relishing in a moment of privacy that they weren't likely to find anew once their journey to the Capital began.
And they might not have much of that even after they left, either.
"But the thing is, I… may have extended an offer to my mom to come with us," Azula whispered against his lips. Sokka raised an eyebrow, puzzled, and Azula kissed him softly once more, as though to coerce him into accepting that. "I know it'd mean more restraint for us, and we wouldn't be able to be crazy as much as we were yesterday, but…"
"Heh. That side of it is a shame, no lie, but… I'm fine with it," Sokka smiled warmly, brushing her hair with his fingers. Azula sighed in relief.
"If you're sure… go get your things. We're damn lucky that my brother isn't smart enough to realize half the clothes scattered in the room you were naked in were mine…"
"I think he was too appalled to stop and confirm who they belonged to," Sokka smiled awkwardly. "I'm not sure he'll ever be ready to know that we, uh… canoodled a little too much."
"That's the word you're going to use?" Azula asked, amused. Sokka chuckled and shrugged. "You're a goofball. Go, pick up your things, I'll get mine… and I'll pick up the mochi on my way out too. Let's get ready to face Zuko and his nonsense, shall we?"
Sokka nodded enthusiastically: they shared another thorough kiss, one in which Sokka dared sneak a few bold caresses, and Azula wound up entering her room in a perfectly blissful mood afterwards, as though she weren't about to march into a likely tricky situation in a matter of moments…
Zuko was upset, but he couldn't be too upset, could he? She hadn't done anything wrong right now. Ursa's support had been a shocker, but it might just be the best possible defense from her brother's wrath. Resolving her conflicts with Ursa certainly was one thing… figuring anything out with Zuko would be much more difficult, if just because of his disposition. Merely a few weeks ago, Azula would have told herself that she'd rather deal with her brother's hostility than her mother's emotional manipulation, her sad doe eyes, and her meaningless apologies… but Ursa's reaction to her rant, as well as the conversation they had shared just that morning, had caught her by surprise. She never imagined she might be able to start over with Ursa, and there truly would be no erasing their past… but it was about time to ensure that whatever troubled history they shared would not preclude the possibility of a better future.
The liveliness of Ember Island appeared slightly stunted, as most its population watched in confusion when their Fire Lord led a march towards the largest, grandest ship docked in their harbor: his Royal Barge would rush through the internal waters of the Fire Nation fast enough to bring them to the Capital in a couple of hours, at most. Thus, neither Sokka nor Azula bothered choosing cabins or even asking where they would stay for now: after enjoying their breakfast aboard the ship, sharing the mochi Ursa had found for Azula, they chose to wait on the deck instead of finding any private cabins, sitting together by the ship's railing… meanwhile, Ursa had dragged Zuko inside the ship's tower in order to have a thorough conversation about many things that Zuko appeared to need to hear.
"Well, despite it all, looks like we're going to end up in the Fire Nation Capital," Sokka reasoned, with a slight grimace. "Did he ever explain how he found us?"
"Not really," Azula said, relaxing against the ship's railing. "I suppose we were seen at some point. I'll try to ask later, or maybe you can… but Mom appears to be quite busy scolding him right now. Never thought I'd see the day…"
"A nice surprise, huh?" Sokka smirked. "Guess your mother wasn't as far gone as we thought she was…"
"We? You thought so too?" Azula asked. Sokka shrugged.
"No offense intended to her, but… she sounded like the exact opposite of my mother," Sokka said. Azula hummed, eyeing him with interest. "My mom sacrificed herself, lying to some piece of shit from the Southern Raiders to tell him that she was the last waterbender, rather than Katara. He… he killed her because of that."
Azula's stomach clenched. A swirling fear gripped her chest, with misplaced guilt that might not be as far out of place as she wished it were… for the ideology, the regime, responsible for the death of Sokka's mother was the one she had fought for, across all those years. She knew there were plenty of deaths and sacrifices throughout the war… but she hadn't known Sokka had faced one quite as close as that of his own mother.
"Katara's still working through it to this day. I didn't realize that was why it had happened until she told me, and she didn't even explain until a few years after she confronted the killer directly," Sokka explained. "Anyway… I could be wrong, but it sounds to me like, if my mother had been married to a bastard like your father, she would have never forsaken her kids, just as she didn't forsake Katara. Meanwhile, your mother…"
"She left us and forgot about us, yes," Azula said. Sokka shrugged.
"Even back when we found her, in Hira'a, I didn't really know how to feel about that," he said. "I kind of convinced myself to stay in my lane because it wasn't my business, you know? Who cared how I felt about something like this? But… as time goes by, I've realized I can't really help myself. It's just not fair, Azula. It never has been fair on you."
"No, I suppose not," Azula whispered, glancing at Sokka with uncertainty. "But a mother who would forsake her kids is… is probably less painful to lose than one who loved them with everything she had."
Sokka grimaced, glancing at her with uncertainty: Azula reached out to take his hand, careless about the sailors and soldiers who might see her.
"I'm sorry. Doesn't count for a damn thing, I had no real say upon what happened to your mother, but…" Azula said, gritting her teeth. "It was a lot easier to support the Fire Nation's war by closing our eyes to the rest of the world. That's what everyone seemed to learn how to do. Your mother should have never died that way."
"No, she definitely shouldn't have," Sokka said, with a fragile smile. "But… well, nothing can be done to bring her back, I guess. Though… huh. Wait a second! Ask Yue about the Spirit World! Ask her if the spirits of our people actually go there…!"
Azula blinked blankly, pulling out the mirror. Yue seemed as perplexed by the question as she was, and she offered her a sad smile along with a shake of her head.
"Looks like she doesn't know much about that," Azula said.
"Most souls don't really make it into the Spirit World that way, I think. They tend to be, well… sent back to the real world? Until the soul achieves enlightenment, I guess…"
"Says only the souls that achieve enlightenment would enter the Spirit World," Azula concluded. Sokka sighed and shrugged.
"Worth a shot," he said. "Anyway, your nation's soldiers are nasty, yeah, but… it was a long time ago. We were as good as babies back then. Don't feel responsible for it."
"So, it doesn't really matter that I wouldn't have cared about this one bit if I'd learned about it a year ago?" Azula probed him. Sokka snorted.
"Matters to you now. That's enough for me," he said, smiling at her. Azula shook her head.
"You're too nice for your own good. Still… I'm sorry you that didn't have a mother while growing up either," Azula said.
"If this subject had come up any sooner across our journey, I would've told you not to worry if yours never tried to do better for you," Sokka pointed out. Azula raised an eyebrow. "I mean… if she hadn't done anything but piss you off, the way it sounded like when you confronted her when she first turned up? Well, I would've understood if you hadn't wanted to give her another chance. Though… I suppose you do now, huh?"
"I don't know what's gotten into all of you," Azula said, startling Sokka. "Starting with you and Yue, having it in you to see more to me than anyone else did… and suddenly my mother is taking stands against Zuko for my sake?"
"Don't forget that Toph let you out of prison and handled Kuei and Zuko for us, though I have no idea how that turned out. One more thing to ask Zuko about," Sokka reasoned, tapping his chin with a finger. Azula sighed.
"None of you make any sense. How is it possible that the person who sees things and hears voices has a clearer understanding of reality compared to all of you?" Azula asked. Sokka laughed and shrugged.
"Guess you're special that way," he said. Azula's heart somersaulted in her chest at the sight of his affectionate smile. "Anyway… it's good that your mom wants to help you. Definitely improves my opinion of her so far. Honestly, it was about time someone in your family came through for you. Though I'm still a little surprised that we'll go as far as traveling with her…"
"I know that means we'll have a lot more pressure, and less privacy, and, well… it's going to be awkward. But to be fair, she already walked in on us once so, not much left to the imagination there anymore…" Azula sighed, cheeks flushing at the memory. "How the hell did I manage to talk to her or look her in the eye after that nonsense, exactly?"
"I can't say I know, but I'm glad you did," Sokka said, squeezing her hand gently.
"Of course you are," Azula sighed, glancing at him uneasily. "You sure you're fine with this? With… traveling with her?"
"Might be a bit awkward, sure… but she'd be more likely to keep us in check than Yue was," Sokka smiled awkwardly.
"The sneaky little troublemaker said she caught a few glimpses of us in the bathroom, through the mirror there…" Azula said, with a grimace. Sokka's cheeks flushed slightly. "She said she looked away after a while, but I'm starting to worry that she might not have. Naughty brat. Teenagers do have an inappropriate interest in these matters…"
"Well, I'd like to think she… has better sense than that. Restraint? I don't know," Sokka laughed. Azula scoffed as she pulled the mirror out, startling Sokka. "What, are you going to ask her if she'll behave herself right now?"
"Might as well," Azula said, glaring into the reflection. Yue smiled at her, cheeks slightly flushed, clearly having overheard their conversation. "You wouldn't look intentionally, or hear intentionally, whenever he and I are up to no good together, would you?"
"… Nooooo?"
"That's the most convincing negative answer I've heard in my life! Your lies are getting a lot worse now, mind you," Azula smirked.
"I wasn't lying as much as you think I was before! Maybe I am now, though… but Azula, I'm curious!"
"Well, that's unsettling. Tone down that curiosity," Azula huffed, shaking her head and staring at Sokka. "You're not wrong, my mother's definitely going to be a good asset. Otherwise, this one would get corrupted by how filthy we are, too."
"The Filthy Royals," Sokka said, proudly. Azula snorted and laughed. "It's not that bad, is it?"
"Sounds terrible," Azula as good as cackled. Sokka scoffed, shaking his head.
"Always so judgmental. We still don't have a team name and that's not very nice, mind you. Now that your mother's joining in too, it's going to be even harder to find a unifying factor."
"How about 'Sokka and the women he can't keep up with'? Sounds like a good name to me…"
"Very accurate, but too extensive. You'll have to be more concise," Sokka smirked. Azula laughed again, glancing at him sideways.
"Say…" she breathed in, holding his gaze briefly before tearing her eyes away. It wasn't easy opening up to people, but it was easier when it was Sokka. "I… thanks for not running out on me over my outburst from last night. I mean, you're probably the one person who has every chance to leave me and yet you've chosen to stay without fail. I might not deserve it, but I… I'm glad you chose to do that. I'm glad you didn't run away."
"I'm afraid I'm not the type to run from beautiful women. Instead, I chase them all over the world and fall head over heels for them without even trying," Sokka said. Azula snorted, staring at him skeptically. "I know we have a lot to figure out still, there might be more bumps along the way… but we'll do it, in time. Don't fret about it right now, okay?"
"Well… we should figure out what to do about Zuko, though," Azula pointed out, raising her eyebrows. Sokka blinked blankly. "By which I mean… that absurd nonsense we fed him about why you were sleeping naked apparently worked. He has no idea you and I, well…"
"Yeah, you know, he's very gullible sometimes," Sokka smiled awkwardly. Azula laughed and nodded. "But I guess what you mean is… do we keep it quiet still? Or do we talk things over, so we decide whether to come clean about it or not?"
"Thing is… do any of them even know that you and Suki are done?" Azula asked. Sokka shrugged.
"Toph knows. Don't know if she told Zuko, though," he said. "Though, frankly… is that a big cause for concern?"
"I'd rather they don't give you shit for cheating on her with me. You have to know what this looks like," Azula said, staring at him skeptically. "A hopeless man clinging to his past love has too many clashes and conflicts with his would-be wife, and as a consequence runs off to start an affair with the dangerous, deadly but apparently beautiful woman who's so very bad, absolutely no-good for him…"
"So, what, I'm having a midlife crisis at twenty-seven?" Sokka snorted. Azula laughed, dropping her head against the railing. "Well, guess when your life is as weird as mine has been, it's kind of justified for it to start earlier. Didn't you say that's what's going on with Yue too, as a spirit? Then… the Midlife Crisis Royals! Ha! That actually bonds all of us together, why not?"
"That's awful… most of all because you're not wrong," Azula snorted, bending over forward as she laughed harder. Sokka smirked proudly, arms folded across his chest.
"Gotcha with that one! We have a team name now, like it or not!"
"No, we don't! There's no way we're keeping that one, Sokka, anything but that!"
"C'mon, bet Yue agrees with me," Sokka said, taking the mirror from her and pointing it at Azula. "Hey, Yue, tell her! My idea is the best idea!"
"… I actually don't like it at all. Don't let him use that one, Azula."
Her negative broke Azula with further laughter – so used as she was to hearing Yue agreeing with Sokka on most accounts, she certainly didn't anticipate the opposite happening now.
"Well, well? Bet she thinks it's great! I'm sure she does!" Sokka snickered, waving the mirror proudly in front of Azula.
Standing by a window, in the ship tower's second level, Zuko scowled at the sight of his sister laughing quite so vividly at whatever Sokka was saying. Even in their younger years, he couldn't remember anyone, not even Aang, laughing that way at Sokka's nonsense. An uneasy feeling spread in his gut, one he wasn't sure how to interpret, or what to make of… for it had been quite a long time since he had experienced it over Azula.
Was she a better fit, a more fun companion, than he ever had been? If given a chance, would she mesh perfectly with his friends, better than he ever had? Would he lose everything he had gained to her, if she was granted the chance to heal that their mother was asking him to offer her?
"You didn't send her to the asylum when you did because you thought she was a lost cause, or did you?" Ursa huffed. Zuko gritted his teeth, tearing his gaze away from the pair by the deck. "Otherwise, you would have chosen prison. Even if you didn't understand the full extent of what they did to her in the institute, you had to have believed it was a better choice for her health than a fate as bleak as your father's."
"Had better conversations with my father in prison than I did with her, though," Zuko said.
"Maybe that's more of a reflection of what that asylum could do to a person, rather than anything that determines whether your father or your sister are better people," Ursa said. "Truly, Zuko… as difficult as this may be for you to wrap your head around, it shouldn't be. I'm not going to change my mind about her. She's not manipulating me."
"Right, because this initiative to go travel the world with those two isn't their doing?" Zuko asked. "Say what you will, Mom, but she could have guilted you into wanting something you actually don't…"
"And what if I do want it?" Ursa asked. Zuko gritted his teeth. "What if I need time away from home?"
"But…" Zuko said. Ursa raised an eyebrow.
"But what?" she said. "You forgave me when I abandoned you and your sister all those years ago. This time, I'd be choosing to travel with her and hopefully help her find peace…"
"It's not the same," Zuko said: his heart churned upon realizing the real reason why it wasn't, but he bottled it in for now. "She's dangerous, Mom. Right now, she's saying she sees Yue, but what if she goes off the rails in some worse way later too? You can't know what you're going to get with her."
"You think she's going to kill me and Sokka eventually?" Ursa asked. Zuko winced. "I'm not sure I believe that would happen. Fact is, I… I would even argue that it wouldn't. She has been with Sokka for a long time, and if anything, it seems they're getting along marvelously right now."
"That doesn't mean much. Sokka, Aang and Toph didn't give me a hard time when I joined their group. Only Katara did," Zuko said.
"So, you'd only learn to trust her if Katara did?" Ursa asked. Zuko winced.
"No, I'm just saying…"
"You wouldn't trust her at all, not even if your friends do."
Zuko shivered, lowering his gaze. Ursa folded her arms over her chest.
"Zuko, dear… I love you. You know I do. I've done terrible things, I've made awful mistakes… and I haven't made up for many, if any of them, so far. You forgave me regardless because you loved me. Because you prized me. Because your need for my wellbeing, my safety, my happiness, was paramount to finding justice. Am I wrong?"
"Well… no? But you're you, and she's her!" Zuko scoffed.
"And what if you could heal your bond?" Ursa asked. "What if you could sit with those two and laugh alongside them, too?"
Zuko froze. Ursa shook her head slowly.
"You've been poisoned terribly by your father, Zuko. In ways you never truly understood," Ursa said. Zuko winced.
"That's not… I'm not my father. I'm not!"
"I never said you were. But treating your sister as a wanted criminal, to be hunted all across the world? Isn't that the same thing your father did to his brother? To you?"
Zuko yelped. Ursa sighed, taking his hands in hers.
"No, Azula didn't do things so terrible that she cannot be forgiven for them. By all means, Iroh's death toll will always be far greater than either yours or Azula's could have been," Ursa said. "And yet you can accept him, while turning your back on her. I don't blame you, dear, for your uncertainties and your fear, for not wanting your sister to be around you constantly… but there comes a point in life where we need to stop running away from the harder truths we don't want to face. Azula brought me to realize that. She told me many things I didn't want to hear, but that I had to. And maybe that's what you need to prepare yourself for: listen. Don't just talk back, don't just defend yourself… listen. You have good intentions, dear… but you cannot do anything with them if you refuse to open your heart to other people's needs. More so when you're actually trying to help them."
"Well… I wasn't really trying to help Azula," Zuko confessed, frowning. "And I'm not even sure I want to. I keep thinking she'll just spit it all right back at me if I try."
"Is that any reason not to try at all?" Ursa asked. Zuko flinched. "Your uncle didn't give up on you even when you didn't make matters easy for him, he's told me so, as did you. It wasn't until you opened your heart to him, until his needs mattered as much as your own, that you learned to appreciate him properly. Azula? I think she's at that stage with Sokka, and maybe with Yue, too. Your sister isn't some nightmare to fend off, or merely a terrorist to fight against: she's your family. And you're one of the most powerful people in the world right now, dear. This nation is full of people who believed in the same things she did, and if they'd had the power she held, they wouldn't have acted any differently than she did. You're their Fire Lord: you're her Fire Lord. Wouldn't it be suitable for you to do right by your every subject, no matter how difficult it might be?"
"It's different when you're talking about Azula," Zuko scowled. "She's… not my subject. I haven't thought of her as that ever before."
"Then maybe it's time for you to start," Ursa said. Zuko winced, uncertain. "You're her older brother. And you cannot hope to heal this world, this nation, if you'll give up on members of your own family just because it's hard. In her case, half the work, more of it, even, was already done by others. If she could reach an understanding with me, she surely can with you too. All you have to do is… try."
Zuko gritted his teeth, a fist tightened: that sounded like a taller order than he was ready to commit to… even though, objectively, it shouldn't have been. Trying something didn't necessarily translate to sticking with a set course for good. If Azula went off the rails again, as she often did, Zuko very well could prove to everyone how wrong they had been about his sister.
But if she didn't… then maybe he could be a better brother, starting here and now. It was difficult to fathom, it made him deeply uncomfortable… but if Sokka and Ursa were right to stand by Azula, if she truly was seeing Yue and changing in more ways than he knew? Perhaps… they'd have a chance to be a real family one day. Perhaps.
"I'll talk to her once we get to the Palace," Zuko said. Ursa raised her eyebrows. "I… will try to mend fences. But she does have things to answer for… and I hope she's ready to do it."
"I'm sure she will be," Ursa said, with a genuine smile. "Thank you, Zuko. Your sister needs this, so much more than she realizes. Her heart is finally on the mend, thanks to Sokka and Yue… we could be part of that too. Wouldn't you like to have a positive impact on her life, lead her on a better path…?"
"I… guess I might not mind that. But we'll see," Zuko said. Ursa sighed, smiling still as she approached Zuko.
"Thank you for trying, dear. Thank you."
He hugged her back, uneasy, unsteady. A part of him wondered if Ursa would regret her earlier harshness… but he didn't dare ask. If she didn't, she might just be upset at him for so much as suggesting that she should…
Would she stand up to Azula similarly, if their roles were reversed? The realization that she would, that she might just have gone further for his sake, chilled Zuko's heart as he held his mother closely. He was a fool, wasn't he? Envying his sister for having their mother's attention, if just briefly… she was Azula's mother too. Just as she was Kiyi's. As special as his bond with Ursa might be… he would be an utter bastard if he tried to keep Ursa to himself when she had other children to watch over, too.
He sighed as he glanced through the window anew: their destination approached. His conversation with Azula wouldn't wait for much longer.
The Princess was visibly unsettled upon being in the Fire Nation Capital as herself this time. Her attire, far too casual, suited Ember Island so much better than the grand seat of power of her people. She'd change into something else as soon as she had the chance, maybe ask Sokka to fix her hair too…
But Zuko wouldn't give her that chance: as soon as they crossed the threshold into the Palace, the Fire Lord turned towards her with a stern frown.
"We'll talk privately," he said. Sokka huffed. "And I don't know why that bothers you so much, Sokka, but this doesn't concern you."
"It… doesn't," Sokka said, begrudgingly – he couldn't claim to be concerned over Azula's safety to that extent, not unless they were ready to set off Zuko's alarms regarding their relationship.
Still, he sighed as Azula shrugged – clearly, she wasn't all that pleased for this outcome, but she wasn't about to run away from her brother either.
"See you when I get out, I guess," she said, simply. Sokka sighed.
"Hey… wait."
Azula had merely taken one step forward when Sokka took her hand, placing the mirror carefully in her palm.
"I'd taken it earlier, before we arrived, remember?" Sokka smiled a little. "You won't be alone if Yue's with you."
"Heh. Sabotaging Zuzu's attempt to speak privately with me, I see," Azula said, though she couldn't hide her genuine, fond smile. "Thank you."
Sokka grinned brightly: Zuko scowled upon realizing he hadn't seen Sokka in such a good mood in… years, at least. Perhaps since around the years of the end of the war…
How, exactly, had Azula brought him to be that happy? Was it Azula at all, or was it Yue? It was much easier to believe it'd be the latter… but the fond smiles between them left an awkward feeling nestling in his gut.
He tried to ignore that sensation as he led his sister into a private sitting room. There'd be no pleasantries, no shared tea… they'd just talk. Hopefully, Sokka and Ursa would know better than to try to eavesdrop as they spoke.
"Well… looks like things are looking up for you," Zuko said, turning towards her with a prominent scowl on his face. Azula raised an eyebrow as she stood across him, arms folded over her chest. "Mom's… defending you without hesitation. I'd never seen her do that."
"It's hard to believe for me too, so you're not alone if you're confused," Azula said.
"I feel like I don't understand any of it," Zuko said, shaking his head and staring at her in confusion. "You're having new hallucinations, visions, whatever they are… and yet you sound more like yourself than you have in ages. You have people standing up for you and defending you to this extent, it's… weird."
"It's quite alright, I don't know how it happened even though I was there the whole time," Azula admitted, with a shrug. "Though… you're not the only one confused about certain things regarding each other. How, exactly, did you find us in Ember Island?"
"Oh. It took us a while to pick up on your trail," Zuko said, bitterly. "My guards eventually sought the Mechanist, he told them he'd given Sokka a hot-air balloon. After that, it was just a matter of waiting for sightings of unregistered, non-military hot-air balloons anywhere. Someone caught sight of you by the western Earth Kingdom, so we traveled there… once the next military sightings report claimed the balloon was sighted landing in Ember Island, I didn't hesitate to go there as soon as possible."
"So, you had all your soldiers looking for me, huh?" Azula said, raising her eyebrows. "I almost feel important and everything now…"
"Yeah, well… sure," Zuko huffed, shaking his head. "I'm sorry that I misunderstood that you'd kidnapped Sokka, but I hope you realize you… you don't make it exactly easy to think any better of you."
"Well, I didn't for all these years, that's certainly true. Do you expect me to throw a tantrum over how you don't trust me, or like me, or treat me with respect?" Azula asked, with a slight smirk. "Though I suppose that last one might be a fair one to protest against, come to think of it…"
"I don't want you to throw anything, I just… I want to understand what exactly is going on," Zuko scowled. "You abandoned your group, you traveled to the north, you're ride-or-die with Sokka suddenly… you have to realize it makes no sense. And after showing up in Ba Sing Se and causing unnecessary trouble…"
"Did you only hear about Ba Sing Se?" Azula asked, raising an eyebrow. "That wasn't our first stop, actually. Didn't Suki reach out to you?"
"Was she supposed to?" Zuko asked, frowning.
"That's… odd," Azula blinked blankly. "Here I thought she was that mad at Sokka once they broke up, threatening that she'd only give us one day to leave before alerting everyone that we were there. Maybe she actually had a soft spot for him still. The truth is we went to Kyoshi Island first, they had the break-up of the century, then we left again. That's where I found out that you were hunting for me, dead or alive…"
"I… I'll rescind that order," Zuko said, self-aware and uncomfortable. "I thought… you'd crossed a line. Turned out Sokka joined you willingly, though…"
"There really was no sign that he hadn't done that," Azula pointed out, raising an eyebrow. Zuko winced. "Whichever one of you lot decided I could only have kidnapped him, well… you'd have to give me a smidge of credit after this and admit that at least one weirdo in the world would travel with me willingly rather than dragged into it kicking and screaming."
"We jumped to conclusions and we shouldn't have. But… you do have to admit it looked weird. And like I said, you really…"
"I don't make it easy? No, I don't. Did I say otherwise?" Azula said, with a slight smirk. "I don't pity you at all, Zuzu, you have it pretty damn hard, being my brother. I don't know what you brought me here for, if what you want is an apology you might as well wait forever…"
"You're not sorry for any of what you've done over the last decade?" Zuko asked. Azula winced.
"I… didn't exactly say that," Azula said. "Just said I wouldn't apologize for it."
"So, you're not."
"I'm sorry enough for a lot of things," Azula said, glaring at him. "But… I was vindictive. I was angry, bitter and frustrated and I wanted to hurt you so you'd suffer as much as I was suffering. That's the truth. If you don't like it, that's not my business. I wanted vindication, revenge, what-have-you… and nothing I did actually got me any closer to attaining any of it. So, I failed at my quest to piss you off, and I joined Sokka in a weird journey to please a spirit that only I can see. It's… strange how different it is, living life that way. It wasn't all that comfortable at the start, but it is now. I can't fathom going back to what I was doing before."
"Because Sokka is… more fun?" Zuko asked. Azula shrugged.
"Would it be a problem for you, if that were the sole reason for it?" she asked. Zuko scowled. "Still would mean you're free from being tormented by me…"
"Until you get bored of him," Zuko finished. Azula laughed.
"I'm afraid that's not very likely. He's… a surprisingly resourceful man," Azula said. "Always has something to say that catches me off guard. Like Yue put it once… we're two master strategists in a battlefield of words, somehow. He's far more interesting than you or any of his other friends likely realize…"
"Or maybe you're both just weird in similar ways. Which I'd never have expected, but frankly, his sense of humor is about as strange as yours," Zuko pointed out. Azula laughed.
"I've noticed. I hate laughing at his jokes, but he makes it too easy sometimes," Azula admitted.
"Then… all this stuff about Yue?" Zuko said, eyeing her warily. "Sokka and her were a thing once. You said your entire purpose is to get her to see the world and experience the seasons and so on? I'm not going to say it's a bad purpose, I mean, it's by far the most harmless thing I've ever heard you want to do. But it sounds like a temporary diversion or so. Once she's satisfied, what will you do?"
"I suppose… that's something I'll figure out once we get there," Azula said, with a shrug. "Though if it makes you feel any better, I…"
The words got stuck in her throat at first, and Azula actually smiled a little as something deep inside her seemed to snap. Something she didn't really know nestled inside her broke off, leaving her untethered… forsaken, somehow. Her hand trembled, and she glanced at Yue in the mirror briefly as she processed what a treacherous thought had crossed her mind… a thought she couldn't help but feel keenly, acutely, in her heart. She breathed deeply, and Zuko frowned at the strange sincerity in her voice.
"I actually never imagined I'd come back to the Fire Nation peacefully… and I certainly have no plans of staying here forever."
Zuko's eyes widened. Azula gritted her teeth: those might just have been the most painful words she had ever spoken. She offered Zuko a dry grin then, covering up her vulnerability as best she could.
"So… that," she said. "I think I'd just wait and see what Sokka has in mind. He's weird, sure, but he's the most reliable ally I've ever traveled with. Seems like he wants to stick with me for the foreseeable future too, so…"
"You think he'd stay even after Yue is gone?" Zuko asked. Azula's heart clenched.
"I… hope so," Azula said. "He's said he would, at least."
"Really?" Zuko blinked blankly. "W-wait. Why?"
"Why?" Azula repeated, slightly affronted.
"I'm… not sure I follow," Zuko said, blinking blankly. "You two are, uh… best friends now?"
"Huh. I'm not sure that we are. Which one of them might be my best friend, come to think of it?" Azula said, glancing at Yue in the mirror. She giggled and waved in her direction, and Azula smiled at her.
"Sokka. Say it's Sokka," Zuko said, with a wild grin. Azula crooked an eyebrow.
"What's it to you, exactly…?"
"Toph said weird shit and I would like to confirm that she's wrong about it, is all," Zuko said, bitterly. Azula raised her eyebrows. "She said you'd… seduced Sokka and that's why he was completely wrapped around your finger, basically."
Azula snorted, then cackled by throwing her head back – a slight relief to Zuko, who smiled awkwardly at her reaction.
"Seduced Sokka? She sure gives me too much credit if she thinks I'd have the first clue of how to do such a thing," Azula laughed, shaking her head. "If Sokka fell in love with me, it'd be his fault entirely. I sure as hell did nothing to make it happen, I can guarantee that much."
"Huh. You know, that's not very tranquilizing either," Zuko grimaced. "Sokka's… weird. Suki was too normal for him, I guess…"
"Oh? So you're saying he needed an abnormal kind of partner instead?" Azula asked, raising her eyebrows. Zuko winced, raising a hand as though to stop her.
"I didn't mean… I just mean I'm not really sure how Sokka was having a good time by dating her! If anything, I'd think he wasn't. Which is possibly why they broke up."
"Sounds like it," Azula said, stubbornly. "Believe me, if he dated me, I'd give him far more interesting and entertaining reasons to break up with me."
"I'm not sure he'd choose to date you just so you can break up with him by… ugh! Could you not entangle my head with nonsense?" Zuko groaned. Azula smirked. "Look… I get that I can't change you or make you become the perfect sister for me…"
"Do you?" Azula asked, eyeing him skeptically. Zuko frowned. "Worth noting I can't do that to you, either. You're far too set in your ways for you to be my dream brother too."
"You… you'd change me?" Zuko asked, frowning. Azula smirked.
"I just said I wouldn't. But I'm not the one who replaced the two unpalatable members of my family with new, pleasant ones instead," she said. Zuko's eyes widened.
"I… Kiyi isn't a replacement for you! And I'm not even close to Noren…"
"Your little sister who loves and gushes over you isn't a replacement for the one who made your life a nightmare, apparently?" Azula smiled sadly. "As for Noren and father… if you're not close to him, then he's gotten the fundamentals of the job right, wouldn't you say?"
Zuko gritted his teeth: Azula's words hurt… but he couldn't help but notice that Azula, too, was hurt. He didn't usually notice as much… but this time, he raised his gaze to find that she appeared mournful of the fate they were facing as siblings.
"Point is… you haven't been optimal yourself. I've tried, yes, to mess with you and cause you grief… but I never really imagined you'd ever conform to being the brother I'd want you to be. Doesn't seem logical for you to start trying now."
"Why not?" Zuko asked. Azula laughed.
"I'm not challenging you, Dum-Dum. You're so ridiculous when you get like this," she said. "I'm fine, Zuko. I have no… no right to ask anything of you. That's not what this ever was, I… I admit it's pathetic to say it, but I just wanted to matter and I knew I never would if I went about it in any other way. Or, at least, I've never learned how. Point is… I fucked up, purposefully and intentionally. I'm not here to apologize because I don't think you have any real reason to forgive me, no matter if I'll never do it again. If that's what you were waiting for…"
"I… I don't know what I was expecting," Zuko said, frowning. "But probably more along the lines of you admitting that you're only traveling with Sokka out of convenience, and that you don't actually want him around much but he's useful so far…?"
"You really think I can only manipulate my way through life, don't you?" Azula said. "Granted, I know why you think so, but that's not the case. Sokka joined me, Yue roped me into this journey in the first place… the few times I've tried to do anything mischievous in this trip, it hasn't gone all that well. And somehow… they keep me busy enough that I can't really focus on doing anything to trouble you. Which, then, translates to me losing my taste for messing with you."
Zuko sighed, lowering his gaze.
"Would you get that taste back if I'm not paying attention?" he asked. Azula rolled her eyes. "I'm serious. You say that you weren't really trying to do anything that terrible with your actions… but the thing is, you did cause trouble and when it wasn't you, it was them. Your allies."
"Right, but…" Azula said, frowning. "While we certainly destabilized your rule, caused chaos whenever we cared to, we never did anything quite as bad as to truly hamper your efforts to fix the Fire Nation, did we? If anything, I've been a perfect villain for you to show the whole populace just why things need to change, or am I wrong? It was either you or me on that throne, and the more irresponsible behavior I display, the happier they'll be that it's you. Isn't it at least slightly beneficial to you?"
"You're acting like none of what you did had lasting consequences that could harm the nation…" Zuko said, gritting his teeth. "And you know what? Maybe you didn't. Even if you might have tried, maybe you actually showed some restraint I never truly registered as such before, and you never did something that devastating. But them? You have no idea what they did while you were gone, do you?"
Azula frowned. Zuko gritted his teeth, fists tight by his hips.
"What are you talking about?" she asked, her voice unsteady: she had a feeling she knew what Zuko would say, but even so…
"They burned down the asylum."
Silence.
Azula's heart thumped with triumph… and fear.
"Did… did they get them out?" Azula asked. "The other patients, even the staff…"
Zuko's frown spoke for itself. Azula's sinking dread hit square in her gut, and she snarled as she tore her eyes away from him.
"I thought it was your final move," Zuko said. "Your full-blown act of war. By the time we got there, it was too late. Whole place… burned. Fifty-seven casualties. Some, family visitors. Most of them, patients. The rest, staff. Everyone dead… and not by any mistake. No, everyone in the building died because the people responsible for that crime ensured to shut the doors, the windows, every single exit…!"
"You can't be…" Azula snarled: even if she wanted to deny it, she knew she couldn't do it. Zirin… she would have done it. Azula knew as much.
"Everyone in the premises died… and we tracked down the culprits shortly afterwards. That's when I caught Zirin, and when she told me where you were," Zuko said. "They're in the Prison Tower right now. Awaiting their sentences."
"What are you going to…?" Azula asked, glancing at Zuko with uncertainty.
"I don't know," he admitted. "But I'm struggling to figure out how to show them any mercy."
"Zuko, you… you don't understand what the asylum was like," Azula said, staring at him warily. Zuko scowled. "You never were there as a patient…"
"That doesn't justify what they did!"
"I agree!" Azula exclaimed, startling Zuko. "But… they unleashed the pent-up rage and wrath that place stirred inside them. That place, their families, everyone who played a role in putting them there… do you understand what it feels like, being forsaken in a place that constantly demeans you, dehumanizes you, subjects you to every kind of humiliation whenever you try to fight back, and affords you no dignity anyway, even when you don't fight at all? To be treated like a beast more than a person, to be spoken to as though you were some inferior kind of being…!"
"I don't think I get it, no, but it's not like I haven't been through dehumanizing, cruel things myself," Zuko said.
"The difference is the man who subjected you to the worst of yours is rotting in jail. The one who did it to me is standing right in front of me."
Zuko froze. Azula's accusatory glare caught him in an uncomfortable spot, and she shook her head.
"I… I understand why you did it. I'm not stupid. I know you had no time for me, I know you had no idea how to help me, you had a nation to run… but you don't know what it's like to be truly forsaken. Say what you will… you had Iroh. If you didn't have him, you had Mai. You had our mother. I… I had our father? Do you think he would have ever visited me, if he had been free to do so? He would have denounced me as unworthy of being his heir, if anything… imperfect, broken, damaged as I am. And even if I'm wrong… he was in prison. How could he check on me? But it wasn't just him… it was you. Iroh. Mai, Ty Lee… not a single one of you ever thought that reaching out to me while I was locked in that blasted place was a good idea. And you know what that looks like? It looks like you just want me out of the way. Like I was someone else's problem now, not yours. Like you just needed me to stop being a hazard to your goals and maybe then you'll try to be my brother… and that's a big 'maybe' anyhow. And you're none other than the Fire Lord, with all the resources and power at your disposal… and you couldn't even hire personal physicians to look after me in your home. You threw me out to a distant institution… so I wouldn't be a bother. Even if that wasn't your intention, that's what it looked like.
"And that's what they went through, too, with their own families. Every woman who didn't conform, every girl who dared have ideas different to what their relatives wanted them to follow, anyone who didn't behave exactly as they were expected to. Their own families and loved ones did it to them just as you did it to me. They were angry. They hated that place, more than I did even, and that's saying something. It was a glorified prison, where you could be subjected to the worst of alleged treatments only to be told that you hadn't been through enough of it yet and you needed some more still. I probably didn't even get it as bad as the others… I was only there for a year. Point is… it's not that I don't understand your position. I do. But I don't think the answer to what they did is… killing them. All you'd do is add to the catastrophe's death toll."
"They're more than just casualties of an accident: they instigated it. They're dangerous, Azula," Zuko said. Azula shrugged.
"I'm dangerous too," she said. "And in case you forgot? So are you."
Zuko winced. Azula wasn't accusatory, even if she could have been.
"You're not as healthy as you'd like to think you are," Azula said. "You're not okay, Zuzu. Maybe you never have been, to begin with. But as messed up as your choices were… you got out of being locked up in a place like that and then managed to join the winning team before the war ended. You could have very well ended up in a place like the asylum, by Father's orders, if I had brought you back as he wanted me to, at first. As a prisoner."
Zuko shuddered: he didn't want to think of that possibility. But Azula appeared determined to make him do exactly that.
"Would you have shown restraint?" Azula asked, frowning. "If you had been told you were not human, incapable of love, a rare case of madness, an intriguing subject to study… if you had heard them laugh off your misfortunes, talk about how loaded they'd be because you were of the Royal Family and they'd finally fill the institution's coffers that way, thinking you were too badly out of it with the medicine to overhear what they were saying? If they'd forced you to swallow food, herbs, unknown remedies that would make you feel numb and close to death? If they had… had messed up their dosage to the point where they killed someone in the stretcher near yours?"
Zuko flinched: the picture Azula painted for him clearly was taking a toll on him. Azula shook her head.
"I'm not saying Zirin and the others deserve to be forgiven. As much as every bastard working in that place was unforgivable, I had no intentions of killing them if we ever decided on taking revenge. Zirin made me design a revenge strategy, you see… I did it, and she kept asking for more violence. For a stronger revenge than just sabotaging the place or burning it once everyone was out safely. I refused to do it, I constantly told her we wouldn't make any moves on the asylum until we could get all the remaining patients out safely…"
"And she never listened," Zuko finished. Azula gritted her teeth.
"I was the leader. She listened solely because of that. It's no surprise that the first thing she did, once I wasn't there to keep an eye on her, was destroying that place recklessly."
"You would have saved the other patients?" Zuko asked. "Granted, the most dangerous ones would have been the ones you brought with you, but…"
"That's not necessarily true," Azula said. Zuko frowned. "You don't understand, do you? We were the family pests that nobody wanted to deal with. I had hallucinations? No doubt. But half of them had no conditions of any kind. I don't know how many people were admitted in the asylum without being mentally ill or disturbed in any way to begin with. It felt like… like they force-fed them alleged medicine that caused unwanted, unacceptable behaviors in people, just to justify keeping them there. That's what that place was like. That's why I'm not sorry to learn it was destroyed… and that's why I can't help but be furious that Zirin would decide not to save anyone who still could be helped."
"Would you have saved them?" Zuko asked. Azula shrugged.
"I tried when I broke out my allies in the first place," she said. Zuko's eyes widened. "I offered them the chance to leave. Over half the patients were too scared to try. They wanted to stay because they hoped… maybe by putting up with all of it, they'd get to go home one day. I won't pretend any of them trusted me, no doubt several must have thought I was more dangerous than the asylum staff and that must be why they didn't join me… but I never thought they should have died the way you say they did. They were no different from the rest of us."
Azula scowled: that this would afflict her quite so strongly came as a surprise to her, too. Initially, she had told Zirin they wouldn't destroy the asylum altogether because it would be deemed an act of war. Their team didn't need that kind of publicity, most of all when they were about to begin their act as the Kemurikage. But then she asked again, and again, and again… Azula didn't overlook the extent of the damage Zirin had suffered, but their group couldn't afford, couldn't field, a mission quite so dangerous. Zuko was never going to let that one go… just as he didn't. Massively murdering everyone in that building was not a laughing matter: Azula had asked Zirin if she was ready to pay the price for that destruction, and Zirin never failed to scoff at her sentimentality. Only practicality had kept her at bay for some time: they'd get too much attention otherwise, they couldn't afford that. But now… now, after putting so much distance between herself and that place, after seeing the world through different eyes, Azula's heart grieved for the people who weren't saved. She snarled, fists tight.
"Are you going to execute them?" she asked. Zuko sighed.
"I don't know. Maybe not," he said. Azula glanced at him in confusion. "But you have to understand this kind of chaos cannot go unpunished."
"I don't disagree. I just… don't know if I want you to kill them for it," Azula admitted. Zuko sighed, shaking his head.
"I don't even know what I'd do anymore. When I captured them, I was ready to do something final. Right now… I don't know," Zuko admitted. "Truthfully, I don't want them in prison. The Boiling Rock might sound like the best choice, going forward, but… it's not, is it? They could escape just as well, set it on fire, kill everyone there…"
"They'll always be a hazard, is what you're thinking," Azula said. Zuko shrugged.
"You don't expect that to be different now just because I caught them, do you?" he asked. "The only way they won't cause chaos is if I keep them contained, chi-blocked, fully restrained…"
"And then you'll just give them further reason to cause chaos as soon as there's any weakness, any leniency for them," Azula said. Zuko frowned. "That's the thing about hurting people, holding them against their will… it tends to breed resentment and grudges strong enough to last a lifetime. You wouldn't ask anyone who was a prisoner of war to forgive our father for what he did to them, would you?"
"It's different," Zuko said.
"Not where the imprisoned person is standing, it's not," Azula said. "The way they see it, you're complicit in the hell we faced in the asylum. You even left your own inconvenient relative there, too. They'd see it as no reason to change their ways."
"And yet you want me to believe you did change yorus?" Zuko asked. Azula shrugged, raising the mirror in his direction.
"Not that I was looking to change in any way, I certainly didn't care to at first. Took well over a year for Yue's influence to start gaining ground on me," Azula said, glancing at the mirror. Yue smiled wistfully. "But… I think the main thing that helped was having something in common, a goal that all three of us were striving for. We had to work together, and that meant each other's struggles and problems were everyone's concern. I don't know how anything like that could be achieved with Zirin."
"You could talk to her," Zuko said, simply. Azula sighed.
"You'd let me?" she asked. "I wouldn't even know what to say."
"Tell her you're not doing any of your destabilizing efforts anymore," Zuko said. "Tell her you're done with that, and that she'd better be done too unless she wants to deal with…"
"Then… heh. You want me to control her with fear?"
Zuko froze. Azula eyed him with a compassionate smile that turned mirthful shortly.
"As far as my personal experiences go, controlling others with fear can be terribly effective until it's not. People have ways of finding more courage than they ever held inside their hearts and turn on you when you don't expect it," Azula said. "Sounds easy enough at first… but it means you'll most likely end up living in fear your whole life, too. Can't advise it if you don't want to face more hardships than you'd be comfortable with."
Zuko snarled. He knew Azula was making sense, perhaps too much of it. He sighed, covering his face with his hand before shaking his head.
"What's your idea, then?" he asked. "What would you do to fix this?"
"Why are you asking me?" Azula said.
"Because you're making too much sense, so maybe you know how to make this better," Zuko asked. Azula grimaced. "What made you change was… Sokka and Yue? How do we give your allies anything of the sort?"
"You can't force something like that," Azula warned him. Zuko scoffed. "I mean it. They'd be more likely to set an olive branch on fire than to ever accept it smoothly if you hand it to them with the obvious intent of making them change and adapt to a life they don't care to live. If you'd personally showed up in front of me and entrusted me with Yue, somehow, I would have never listened to a single word she said, let alone would I have treated Sokka as anything but a would-be jailor following me everywhere. You had nothing to do with that, hence why I had a much easier time learning to… trust them."
"Then what do we do?" Zuko huffed. "I don't think keeping them in jail forever is going to be fine, or that they'd even stay there forever, they're likely to find a way to escape. Right now? I think… I think they're waiting for you."
"They expect me to break them out," Azula concluded.
"They wouldn't take it well if you show up as newly pardoned and allowed to be part of the family again, though, would they?" Zuko asked. Azula scoffed.
"But I'm not those things… am I?" Azula stared at him skeptically. Zuko winced.
"I… I guess it remains to be seen," he admitted. "But the point is, if I'm the one sending you… they're not going to take it well."
"They'd take it far worse if I pretend not to be your ally and it's inevitably discovered that I was talking to them by your command," Azula pointed out. Zuko sighed.
"Is there no solution to this damn madness?" he asked. "I don't even know what I was expecting from you, but it definitely wasn't… that you couldn't help me deal with them."
"I don't know that I can. But what, exactly, did you hope for me to accomplish?" Azula inquired, crooking an eyebrow. Zuko sighed.
"I don't even know. Talk things over with them. You understand what they did. Say… that I won't execute them for the asylum, even though a lot of people are demanding that I do. Say that I won't take it that far, and I mean it. What you've explained is… alarming. I don't know why I never thought…"
"You had no time for it. It's not really a defense… just a fact," Azula said. "Besides, you had very little cause for concern, right? I'm the problem and if someone's causing chaos, it's most likely me rather than my captor – or, rather, the physician attempting to control my every move…"
"Did they… make it worse?" Zuko asked. Azula frowned. "I mean, whether for you or the others. Your breakdown… was it a sign of something bigger, deeper, or did they just take advantage of my belief that it was, when it wasn't?"
"That's hard to say," Azula admitted. "I don't have the most accurate memories, frankly, when it comes to what happened. But it's possible, yes, that they weren't trying to help anyone heal. I'm not sure if it takes a year to recover from what I went through, but their grand treatments typically only made my mind more chaotic, and their therapy attempts didn't help matters either. They convinced me of… of the worst things I believed of myself, I suppose. I'm only realizing that they might have been wrong now."
"Then… could you talk to them from that angle?" Zuko asked. Azula raised an eyebrow. "Tell them the truth about what they did, and whatever they convinced them of. Make them understand that… well, the point should have never been to treat anyone interned in the asylum as a criminal. You're not undesirables in society… you were people who needed help, not to be tossed aside. And I… I did exactly that to you."
Azula frowned: it wasn't every day that Zuko seemed so torn up about whatever mistakes he had made… more so, when those mistakes concerned her. Azula waited patiently as he composed himself, and he raised his gaze towards her.
"I don't know where we'll go after this. I don't know what to offer you. I can't make up for my mistakes," he said. "But… I can try to break the cycle. To stop treating you as I have. To… to be a better brother, even if I barely know where to start with that."
"You'll have to figure that one out yourself. I have no expectations and no demands," Azula said. "But I do believe I should clarify one thing, Zuzu… I already said it earlier, but I'll say it again: I'm not back to stay."
Zuko eyed her with uncertainty upon hearing those words anew. Azula swallowed hard.
"Maybe I will do that one day, I don't know, but… I haven't finished my duties to Yue. And once I do, I might still not end up here again later anyhow," Azula said.
"You say that, but going to the Earth Kingdom would be very dangerous for you," Zuko said. "The manhunt for you in the Fire Nation will end, but…"
"And that's good to know, but I might not need to stay here forever even so," Azula shrugged. Zuko's eyes widened. "Did you hope I would?"
"Well… after what you've said, I figured you might go on the road for a while longer. But this is your home, isn't it?" he asked. Azula smiled.
"Did it still feel that way, once you returned from your banishment? I was under the impression it didn't," she pointed out. Zuko gritted his teeth, fists tight.
"If that's how you feel right now, well… it's bound to be my fault. But that was never my intent," Zuko said. "If I can…"
"I don't know that you can, and I don't know that you should have to," Azula said, shaking her head. "We're having a productive conversation right now, and you're finally listening to me, which I appreciate a lot, Zuzu… but I don't think this should be for the sake of ensuring that I stay at your beck and call constantly. If you've been running this nation without my help, you can carry on doing it too. If you want my aid, it's still up to me to decide that I'll give it. But for now… life has enough things left to offer me, even though I figured it didn't. If all signs point to the Fire Nation, I'll come back, but… I'm enjoying everything else far more than I thought I would."
"Dad would be cross if he knew that. Which is always a good thing," Zuko said. Azula smiled a little.
"You never really did get to see the world just for the sake of it," Azula said. Zuko shrugged. "You were on a mission, and just surviving eventually… but you didn't see the Earth Kingdom or the Water Tribes for what they were, with no pressures. I suppose… I recommend it. Maybe you'll want to abdicate by then, though I'm not sure who you'd hand the throne to if you did. I… I really don't want it."
She said the words casually… but a stronger smile spread over her face after she did. A soft laugh left her lips and she smiled brightly. Zuko's heart clenched at the sight of it… of such clarity and certainty in his usually troubled sister's visage.
"I don't want to be Fire Lord," Azula said, closing her eyes. "And that's probably the most liberating thing I've ever come to realize."
Zuko nodded, accepting her decision: it was different than him claiming she'd never take the title for herself. Azula had reached that point without him pushing her to it, even if not necessarily by herself… it wasn't a struggle anymore. It wasn't some chaotic, unnerving conflict. Azula didn't want the throne… she finally had accepted that. Zuko would be free from the chaos she could unleash with her antics until something else inevitably rose to take her place.
He just hoped it wouldn't be Zirin.
"Alright. That's… good to know. But… can I ask you to talk to them, then? To your old allies? At least, to Zirin?" he said. Azula's smile waned… but she shrugged.
"Might as well try. Though I don't think the outcome is going to be any more positive than it would have been if you'd tried this approach with me a year ago," Azula said. Zuko nodded.
"I'll try to brace myself for it. Azula… thank you," he said. The Princess smiled as she rose to her full height.
"For finally giving you a break? I'll find some other way to make you lose your temper, Zuko, don't you worry about that," Azula smirked.
"Heh. I won't lower my guard a lot, then," Zuko said. "Look… maybe I should've said something else first. I just… I wasn't ready to accept I've failed you in more ways than I thought. As far as I could tell, you were a problem indeed, you were someone I had to keep at a distance because you'd only ever hurt me…"
"And I was," Azula acknowledged, with a shrug.
"You weren't," Zuko countered. Azula scoffed. "You were my sister. And I never really thought about what that actually meant until… until I realized you had a whole group of people who had found your value and were helping you shine, and I wasn't one of them. It's not that I feel like I have to be there too… but it feels like I failed you anyway. Like maybe you could have reached this stage if I had tried a little harder… if I had been there for you in ways I wasn't. I kept seeing you as an enemy to defeat, no matter if I already had this crown on my head and… and I was wrong to do that. I can't help but think your life might have been a lot different if I had been less impulsive and stupid over some things. I'm… I'm sorry, Azula. I'm really sorry."
Azula's heart clenched, her throat thickening with tears that seemed to bloom out of nowhere. That wasn't what she had expected from Zuko… wasn't what she would have demanded from him, either. He didn't have to apologize to her… but he had. It was difficult to know what to say to that… though perhaps, it wasn't all that different from how she had responded to Yue, upon hearing her say she loved her.
She hadn't intended to say the words at all, regardless of how she felt. She hadn't thought they'd change anything… but regardless of her reasoning, her instincts pushed her to speak unlikely words to her brother all the same:
"I'm sorry too," Azula whispered, at last. Zuko gazed at her in astounded silence. "I did a lot of things just to make you suffer, I won't sugarcoat that. I wasn't ready to reason with what was going on in my own head, and I took it out on you. Before all this, well, yes, I certainly teased you a lot and I did hunt you down under Father's orders…"
"You don't have to apologize for that," Zuko admitted, with a small grin. Azula raised an eyebrow. "Well, we were kids. It looks a lot simpler now than it did before. I just couldn't seem to make sense of it back then… I was more troubled than I thought, too. Maybe I still am… but I'll try to reason with myself a little more than I always do. Without just… thinking everything's someone else's fault, every time."
"That'd be a good life choice," Azula said, with a slight grin.
Zuko sighed, stepping towards the doorway as Azula glanced down at the mirror: Yue smiled giddily, no doubt thrilled over having witnessed what appeared to be an unexpected reconciliation between Azula and her brother. The Fire Nation Princess smirked a little, shaking her head at her friend's excitement.
"Well, then… ready to go see Zirin?" Zuko asked.
Azula's heart clenched again… but she nodded, steeling herself for a reunion that promised to be a lot more chaotic and unpleasant than this one had turned out to be.
__________________________________
Prison Tower wasn't meant to be a friendly place. Azula's heart clenched as she approached it about an hour later, a foreboding feeling lingering in her heart: her father was there, but she wasn't here to see him today. Maybe one day she would be ready to face him… but the way her mother had explained her own visits to Ozai, it sounded like Azula wasn't remotely prepared to meet her father yet. He had expectations of her that she hadn't fulfilled… and that she never would.
She didn't really know what her future would look like, but she clenched her mirror tightly and let herself bask in the peace, the freedom, of knowing she would no longer serve the purposes that had damn near destroyed her. At the very least, Yue had died but succeeded at saving her people by doing so: Azula's sacrifices had amounted to nothing. Her vindictiveness had achieved nothing, too. She was tired… and ready to move on, now that she finally had a chance to imagine a future, vague and confusing as it might be, by Sokka's side…
Who, of course, stood right beside her at the moment, arms folded over his chest as he frowned at the prison ahead.
"You really had to come?" Zuko asked him, an eyebrow twitching. "You could have stayed with my mom…"
"You could have stayed with her too," Sokka scoffed. Zuko gritted his teeth and glared at him.
"I'm the Fire Lord! Azula can't talk to Zirin if I'm not here to authorize it!" he said. Sokka pouted.
"Then you'll have to put up with me being here too, nothing more to it," he said.
Azula smiled as they marched into the tower: Sokka's devotion to her hardly seemed real most times, and yet she knew it was. She had a baseline as to what his lies looked like, and it certainly wasn't the confident, strong front he was showing Zuko right now.
"You okay? Ready for this?" Sokka asked her, once Zuko took to speaking with the warden, who appeared alarmed to see Azula as a visitor rather than another prisoner.
"I doubt it," Azula admitted. "You didn't have to come, Zuko isn't wrong about that… but I'm glad you did."
"Oh. Uh, heh," Sokka smiled, cheeks flushing slightly as he ran a hand over his hair. "I'm glad you're glad! Though, you know, if you need anything…"
"I'd reach out, but… I don't know if I will be able to do it," Azula said, frowning sternly again. "You'll be right outside?"
"Yeah. And you can handle this Zirin, right?" Sokka asked. Azula shrugged.
"I'd better. She's usually not enough of a bender to be a cause for concern for me, I'd dare say," Azula mused, frowning slightly. Sokka smiled and nodded.
"You're the strongest firebender there is, after all. Nothing she can do should faze you… but in case it does, I'll stay nearby and even cheer you on."
"Well, I've never really fought with a supportive audience like that, but fair enough," Azula said. "Besides… we shouldn't need to fight at all. It's… a conversation."
She said the words while knowing they weren't entirely true: Zirin would make this a battlefield if she had reason to. And if Azula told her what Zuko would expect her to? It might just be a guarantee that they'd wind up in conflict indeed.
The warden led them to the room where Zirin had been brought moments before they arrived. Zuko and Sokka remained tense by the door, and Azula breathed deeply as she readied herself to enter…
"Good luck," Sokka whispered.
"If you need any help, let us know," Zuko said, frowning. "You don't have to face her alone."
"I'm not sure about that last thing… and I'll try not to make it come to the first thing, too," Azula said.
She stepped between them: she gripped Sokka's hand gently as she passed beside him before pushing the door open. Sokka gritted his teeth, gazing after her hopelessly, his anguish increasing once the door closed, leaving Azula alone with her previous second-in-command.
Zirin sat in a slovenly position on a chair, in the center of the room. She appeared to have been bound to it. Azula frowned as she stopped before her… and Zirin scowled as she raised her gaze, gradually astounded upon realizing this wasn't just another visit by Fire Lord Zuko.
"You… you're back," Zirin said, a spark of hope in her gaze… one that went away quickly, replaced by distrust. "How? Who the hell allowed you to visit me officially? Or did you kill your brother and took his appointment instead?"
"I didn't do that," Azula said. Zirin scoffed.
"Of course not. You don't have the spine for it. Had the spine to get rid of your inconvenient friend yet, or was that too much to ask too?" Zirin asked, spitefully. "You were gone long enough. I thought… did it work? Are you yourself again, or…?"
"It didn't," Azula said. Zirin snarled. "She's still with me. Nothing has worked so far… and I don't think anything has to, either."
"Oh, right, so you're just going to keep botching up operations and messing up our objectives by being completely swept up by stupid arguments with the damn girl in your reflection?" Zirin asked. "You're unbelievable."
"I have no intentions of letting that happen because… there will be no more operations or objectives for us," Azula said. Zirin froze. "Which is your fault in no small part. If you hadn't gotten caught, the whole lot of you could have gone on to cause chaos without me. Begs the question of why you were so eager to be the leader when you botched it up so badly as soon as I was out of the way. Isn't that what you were always looking forward to? Isn't it exactly what you wanted?"
"I…!" Zirin snarled, shaking her head. "What's it to you, what I wanted? You…! You kept us chained down, locked to your whims! You saved us and broke us out of that hellhole, and we owed you because of that…!"
"The hellhole you finally burned to the ground, or so I hear," Azula said: Zirin had the gall to smirk. "With all the remaining patients still inside."
"They were as bad as the physicians," Zirin said, shrugging. "Content to live in their chains, emboldening them to do it to others, like us. Don't like it? Not my problem. They got what they deserved."
Azula scowled. Zirin's demeanor didn't change for it.
"I've prided myself in being a terrible person, you know?" Azula said. "In not particularly caring who I hurt and who I didn't… but I guess I overestimated myself. Compared to you, apparently I still have boundaries and sense…"
"You mean you're a coward. Spineless and weak when you should take action… always been in your damn brother's pocket even when you acted like you weren't," Zirin hissed. "Did he offer to pardon you because you weren't part of the destruction, maybe? Might have offered you the chance to execute us by your own hand too. Was that why you were allowed to come here?"
"I'm here… as your final salvation," Azula said. Zirin snorted in disbelief. "If you won't listen to me, if you won't forsake what you're doing, the way I did…"
"Ha! You're done, then? All done destabilizing the Fire Lord's pathetic rule?" Zirin cackled. "You're quitting now? And why's that, exactly?! Who's caught your leash now, Azula? Who's pulling at it?!"
"I don't have one anymore. You, on the other hand…" Azula said. Zirin laughed, shaking her head.
"Don't give me that. I'm no one's beast," Zirin said, her eyes growing colder as all mirth fled from her face as quickly as it arrived. "What was it? The Fire Lord…? Nah, you'd need a stronger incentive than that. Maybe… heh. The pest in your reflection? Is that who?"
"Shut up," Azula hissed impulsively: Zirin laughed again.
"Controlled by that thing, just as you were by your mother. Funny," Zirin said, coldly again. "You're so weak. So spineless…"
"I have more than enough strength and spine to stand here and see you for what you are," Azula snapped. Zirin raised her eyebrows.
"And what's that?" she asked.
Azula breathed deeply, glaring into Zirin's dark eyes… before giving her an answer:
"A lost, helpless, desperate fool looking for purpose and drive and finding none," Azula said. Zirin scoffed. "You've convinced yourself that destroying the asylum was the right choice but it wasn't: all you achieved was proving them right in fearing you… in wanting you out of their way. You've never imagined a way out, a chance to become something different, to start anew elsewhere. You don't even know the value of that kind of opportunity… because no one has ever granted it to you."
"And someone granted it to you?" Zirin asked, derisively. Azula gritted her teeth. "What? Pfft. Your brother?"
"It's not him," Azula said, gripping the mirror in her pocket. "It's someone I never thought would have any manner of compassion for me and yet he did. So…"
"Ah, don't tell me… you found a boyfriend," Zirin said. "No doubt you're thrilled, what you always wanted…"
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Azula scoffed.
"You're so sad and anguished by loneliness, aren't you? I guess you're clinging to the first moron who overlooked… well, all the crazy shit and just latched onto how pretty you were?" Zirin asked, with a sarcastic smile. Azula smirked.
"If that would make you feel any better, go on ahead and believe that. But he's… he wasn't part of this because of me. Not at first. We haven't been journeying together just because he's craving me. He's the one who's helping me fix what's wrong with Yue…"
"And you love him, do you?" Zirin smirked. "Well, wait a few months after the novelty wears off and see how he likes you once you become the harpy that screams at him over anything and everything, just as it goes in all fucked-up marriages. You can't exactly expect to do better than that, can you? Either way… this is stupid. Someone who caved in to something as pathetic as falling for some stupid guy, lecturing me on what to do with my life…"
"I've said I'm your last chance at something better than staying locked inside this building for however long you have left to live," Azula said. Zirin rolled her eyes. "Zuko will kill you if no one stops him. Is that what you want?"
"I want the old Azula back. The one who would break us out of here in a heartbeat," Zirin snapped.
"Oh, you mean the one who laughed when she heard you'd gotten yourselves locked up in jail?" Azula smirked. Zirin tensed up. "I did exactly that, you know? I thought it was a beautiful irony: so much badgering me and pestering me about how you were such a better leader, all your plotting, all your talk behind my back… and you were an even bigger failure than I ever was, in the end. Funny how that works, isn't it?"
"Shut up," Zirin snarled. Azula glared at her coldly.
"That's the Azula you were asking for, though. The one who would walk away and let you get crushed under my brother's boot out of vindictiveness alone," she continued. "I'm here to tell you to turn over a new leaf and set aside your intent, or you're only going to continue paying the price for it. And I won't be paying it with you."
"So that's it, then? You're forsaking me and running off with… with that fool in your head, with the idiot who somehow wants to date you or whatever?" Zirin scoffed.
"I wouldn't be forsaking anything… provided you and the others agree to stop, for good," Azula said. "Zuko is an idiot in many ways, and he didn't truly understand the gravity of what happened in that place. What you did to the other patients is unforgivable, Zirin… were the circumstances any different, I would be advocating for your death myself. But I know why you did it… I just cannot accept that you found no way to spare them. Even so, you can rot in this cell forever or you can make something of yourself…"
"Something to aid this wretched nation?" Zirin asked. "I'd pick the pyre."
"Really?" Azula asked. Zirin scoffed.
"The Fire Nation should go down in flames… and I don't care for it to be reborn from its ashes," she hissed. "You, your accursed family… you all just prove there's no saving this nation. And maybe I'm the one who can do it… by laying waste upon it all. That… that's my fate. There was no Phoenix King, in the end… but I could be the Queen."
"The fuck are you…?" Azula frowned, but she froze: she had seen that look on Zirin's face before.
It was a sudden burst of vacancy that preceded a storm.
The reason why she had been sent to the asylum in the first place.
"Zirin. Zirin!" Azula called her, stepping closer to the woman. "Snap back here! Zirin!"
She was tempted to slap her, but she held back out of knowing that violence might just unleash the very worst of reactions from the firebender even faster than Zirin intended: heat began rising within the room, and Zirin continued not to react… but something seemed to be instants away from boiling over inside her. It was as though she had grown comatose… focusing her power so much that every shred of her energy would become firebending.
"Zirin!" Azula snapped. "I will do it! I will chi-block you!"
It was the only way in which she had been stopped once, when she had withdrawn into that state at night, setting their campsite on fire as a consequence. The others had hidden away from Zirin, and only Azula had reduced her. She had spent hours writhing furiously afterwards, sputtering flames out of her throat all the same…
But this time, Zirin was faster.
This time, Azula raised her hand to stop her just as Zirin screamed.
A violent burst of flames caught Azula just as she had been about to prevent it from rushing out: she was flung back, falling hard against the closed door, as the flames pouring over Zirin's body, charring at her skin, burned and melted the chains and restraints, destroying the chair where she had been perched…
She stood up, fire still alight over her body. Azula snarled, rubbing her back as she felt the door shifting behind her.
"Azula?! Azula! What's going on?! Azula?!" Sokka's voice reached her, and Azula snarled as she pushed herself away from the door.
"YOU'LL NEVER BREAK ME! THERE WON'T EVEN BE ASHES LEFT WHEN I'M DONE WITH YOU!" Zirin shrieked: her hand rose towards Azula, and she leveled a new firebending blast in her direction.
Azula snarled: the door swung open violently once her weight no longer kept it shut, for Sokka shoved it. He had a perfect view of how his princess caught an onslaught of pouring flames in one hand, brandishing it in her control, stealing it from the woman before her…
How? How was Zirin unleashing that kind of power? The room was as good as an inferno, one that Azula was restraining with every ounce of her strength…
Her left leg was unsteady.
There was something dark trickling down her trousers.
"Azula!" Sokka roared.
"GET BACK!" Azula rebuffed, building her power over the flames and wrestling them out of Zirin's control.
This wasn't new, even if it was far more potent than whenever it had happened during their previous mishaps on the road: Zirin's firebending was a threat to anyone around her, even herself. Long ago, Zirin had learned to channel her body's energy in ways completely unknown to Azula until then, as good as shutting down as she gathered her energy in a single point. Even her heart would stop beating for that small moment… and then everything would bloom again, unleashing from her body as an explosion, a storm of flames for which her body was the conduit.
It was more akin to a phoenix than anything Ozai had been. Zirin died for a blink of a moment only to return shrouded by flames. She had hurt herself with her own fire with these stunts in the past, destroyed her childhood home, she had always been restrained with chi-blocking when she had dared do it in the asylum… and chi-blocking was how Azula would keep her in check whenever Zirin's temper got the better of her while they were part of the same group.
She had surely used that technique to lay waste upon the asylum. She had gathered her power and unleashed all of it in one violent, suspended burst that would last for as long as she could sustain it.
And now, Azula struggled against the onslaught of fire that Zirin unleashed through her throat, her body seemingly burning alive as she unleashed her flames into the small room.
She couldn't scream forever, Sokka counted on that: he stood beside Azula, behind her, worried about the wound she had most likely sustained in her left leg… then, Zirin finally slowed her outburst, even as sparks poured from her closed mouth.
"Had enough yet?!" Azula roared: the room turned blue, as Azula brandished Zirin's remaining flames…
She could very well return them at her former ally.
But she didn't do it.
The fire diminished in size and strength, stifled gradually by Azula's expert bending: Zirin laughed, though, raising a hand menacingly.
"You will pay for all your broken promises!" Zirin shouted. "Your cursed family… I will destroy it at all costs! You… the Fire Lord!"
Azula had never understood Zirin's particular hatred towards Zuko: her brother hadn't even entered the room, but Zirin knew he was out there, somewhere. That, alone, would suffice to motivate her into destroying him at once.
She geared up to roar again, and Azula tensed up…
Her left leg buckled.
She gasped: why had she lost her grip? Why had she…?
She reached down to touch it, and only then did she realize her thigh hurt: blood. Her hand was stained with blood.
She shuddered at the sight of it, failing to understand the implications, only realizing now that there was something painfully imbedded in her skin. She couldn't rise back up. She couldn't stand. She couldn't…
Zirin unleashed a new burst of flames.
Azula wouldn't be fast enough to stop them.
A projectile flew violently through the flames, spinning fast in the direction where Zirin stood... but Azula didn't see it strike her.
She couldn't, for she was wrapped in protective arms as the remaining flames of that inferno fell upon the back of the person holding her.
Sokka cried out in pain as the flames charred his body: Azula yelped…
And just as suddenly as it had arisen, the fire extinguished.
"Sokka! Sokka, why would you…?!" Azula gasped, struggling to push herself back upright: Sokka weighed heavily on her, and he snarled with pain under the damage he had sustained. "Sokka!"
"Azula!" Zuko's voice reached them: the Princess turned towards him in anguish, seeing he had retrieved help, but not fast enough to stop Zirin from hurting Sokka.
Zuko's eyes widened at the sight of Sokka's burnt back: his shirt's back had been charred, leaving solely blackened fabric at the edges of the hole across the extension of his spine. Redness underneath betrayed that he had sustained a strong burn… even if the person bending the flames that had hurt him now lay unconscious, bleeding from the forehead.
Sokka's boomerang had spun awkwardly back to him, landing a few steps away, after he struck Zirin down before she could destroy the room, the Prison Tower, everything around them.
"Help…" Azula gasped, gripping Sokka firmly. She looked to Zuko with vulnerability most unlike her… uttering a word she most likely had never spoken to him. "Zuko…!"
The Fire Lord frowned with determination: he gave orders to his soldiers, and he stepped up to take charge of the situation. The guilt inside his chest would be resolved later: for now, Zirin would be contained anew, and Sokka and Azula would be taken to safety.
____________________________________
Sokka sighed, smiling sadly at Azula as she sat by his bedside, her brow furrowed:
The shards of the mirror nestled in a pouch, in her hand.
The mirror had broken against the door in the impact when she had been flung back with Zirin's initial outburst. She hadn't realized it, at first. She hadn't wanted to believe it was true, either, when she understood that her first gift by Sokka had been destroyed by Zirin's attack.
"I know she can show up elsewhere, I do, but… this sucks," Azula huffed, shaking her head and setting the mirror aside, trying to ignore her bandaged thigh. The damage hadn't been that deep, certainly not enough to endanger her, but she wasn't supposed to move around much for the next few days while her body amended the damage.
"We'll get you a new mirror. A prettier one," Sokka said. "One more suitable for you."
"That one was fine," Azula said, sighing as she set the pouch down on Sokka's nightstand. "But I shouldn't complain. You… you matter more than a broken mirror."
"Do I?" Sokka smirked. Azula scoffed. "What?"
"Are you really going to twist my concern for you into some weird flirting or something…?" Azula asked. Sokka laughed, nodding awkwardly as he lay on his back, head turned towards her. Azula scoffed, amused nonetheless. "You're so ridiculous."
"You like that I am, though," he said. Azula lowered her gaze.
"You know… Zuko once did what you just did, too. For your sister," Azula said. Sokka's smile waned slightly. "I was the one on the offensive that time. It's rare enough that I was the one trying to defend others this time… that I was the target of someone out of control, rather than being the one who was out of control or out of line. But it's weirder still that someone would jump into the fire for me."
She raised her gaze towards him, and Sokka smiled a little. Azula shook her head.
"No laughing matter. No smiling matter, either. You could have been burned far worse than you were. It's fortunate that they think you'll recover safely," Azula said. Sokka scoffed.
"Your fire's definitely stronger than hers," he said. Azula rolled her eyes, though she smiled a little. "You overestimated her strength."
"I'm quite sure I did no such thing," Azula said, shaking her head and reaching out a hand to stroke his hair gently. Sokka grinned giddily. "You didn't have to do that, is my point."
"Azula… I love you," Sokka said, earnestly. Her heart jolted to hear the words from his lips again. "I'm sorry to say that's what love means to me. Maybe you don't like it… but I'm going to jump into the fire for you. I'm going to stand between you and any knife that comes your way. If I get hurt… well, it's fine if you won't be."
"That's… you're an idiot," Azula said, frowning. Sokka shrugged.
"Most people think so too…"
"Well, most of them are wrong because they're saying it for the wrong reasons," Azula said. Sokka snorted. "You… you can't go around pretending your life and your safety matter less than that of everyone you care about."
"So… am I supposed to protect myself instead?" Sokka asked, puzzled. Azula gritted her teeth…
A most confusing, surprising epiphany hit her as consequence of his question. Sokka appeared to await an answer… and she was surprised to find she actually had one:
"You're supposed to fight by my side," Azula decided. Sokka's eyes widened. "We're… we're a team. Successful strategies don't require the sacrifice of your own allies. If you need to discard them as you progress towards your goal, you're probably not that good a strategist. More capable and able-bodied allies mean you have more resources at your disposal. It's simple and obvious."
"Heh. So… a practical, reasonable point of view encourages you to believe that I shouldn't jump into danger," Sokka smirked. "You know what? That's exactly why I like you. Love to hear it."
Azula smirked back at him, shaking her head: she couldn't help but grow fonder of him for that reaction. She suspected anyone lesser would have been cross with her for responding with practicality rather than sentimentality after a sacrifice that great… but not Sokka. They certainly saw eye to eye when it came to strategic matters, if nothing else.
"The next time we're in danger, if we are… and we most likely will be, considering who I am, and what your luck in life has been like," Azula pointed out, to Sokka's amusement. "Please… work with me. Don't jump into danger that way. It… it means a lot, that you would. But I'm not exactly eager to lose you. It was good thinking to knock Zirin out with your boomerang, you sure threw it hard for it to cut across her fire that way…"
"Well, these muscles aren't just for show," Sokka said, tightening his biceps to her amusement. Azula laughed, rolling her eyes and shaking her head. "See? See?"
"Dork," Azula smiled. He snickered proudly. "I'm grateful anyway. Just… don't do that again, will you?"
"I'll try not to," Sokka smiled warmly, reaching up to clasp her hand, pressing a soft kiss to her palm.
The tingling feeling of being treasured by someone to the point where he might sacrifice himself for her sake hadn't receded. It almost brought her to tears. Her throat tightened as she pondered it, as she realized that perhaps love did look a little bit like what Sokka had described for her before, even if it shouldn't be as self-sacrificial as that…
She leaned closer to him on his bed, pressing her lips to his cheek. Sokka grinned mischievously at the feeling.
"That's nice…" he said.
"You do realize… that we're not going to sleep together until your back recovers?"
"What?!"
Sokka yelped, and Azula laughed at his extreme reaction: he even seemed to rise from the bed, and she had to reel him in so he'd stop being so careless.
"Come on, you won't be able to lie on your back…"
"Well, I won't lie on it. I don't need to. You'll have to put up with being under me more often!" Sokka pouted.
"You really are that eager to get back to it, are you?" Azula smiled, stroking his hair and kissing his cheek again. Sokka groaned needily.
"When you're being this nice, it's hard to help it," he said. "C'mon, I could just lie on top and even as we sleep, I'll just rest on, uh, the best pillow in the world…"
"You like my breasts far too much for your own good," Azula said: Sokka smiled wildly, glancing at her chest even if her clothes covered her bosom fully.
"What's not to like?" he said. "You're delightful. And delicious, too."
"I'm… ugh, you don't have to be so crude, Sokka," Azula blushed, shaking her head as she pushed him slightly on his mattress. Sokka snorted at her remark.
"If it disgusts you so much, why are you climbing up here right after I said something stupid?" he asked: Azula was halfway on the mattress by then, and she shot him a fierce glare.
"Because I… had already meant to do this before you started being embarrassing," she huffed, lying down fully beside him. Sokka giggled, and Azula rolled her eyes before reaching towards him. "Come here, you annoying jerk, you…"
"Woah, wait…!"
His request was not heeded: thus, before he knew it, Sokka was left to lie his head down happily, comfortably, atop Azula's chest.
"I hope this will help you recover. At least, might brighten your spirits," Azula said, unsure of why she felt bashful after what she'd done. Sokka, of course, beamed with delight.
"Sure brightens them," he said. "Though I hope it won't help much because that means I'd recover too quickly. If I don't, then I'll get to do this even more often, and…"
"If you recover faster I'll sit on your face sooner than you know," Azula declared, boldly: Sokka smiled wildly, raising his head from her chest eagerly.
"You will?!" he exclaimed. Azula snorted and laughed.
"Guess you're happy when I'm the one who's crude. You know, you're delightful too. And ridiculous," she said, cupping his face with her hands before kissing his eager lips softly.
It was a tender, meaningful kiss for the two of them, and they extended it for as long as they dared with sweet, gentle pecks, as well as deeper, thorough explorations of each other, interspersed between the chaste kisses. His hands dared touch her with desire, even if he wasn't about to act on it… and Azula let him. She felt his fingers trailing her weak spots and she thrived in it, quietly, letting her lover trigger her pleasure at his leisure.
"You didn't need to do this either, you know?" Sokka smiled a little, raising his head to gaze at her. "Could've just left me to rest quietly while withholding yourself from me…"
"Why would I want to do that?" Azula asked, stroking his hair gently. Sokka chuckled.
"Don't know. Because I'm the annoying guy who put himself in danger for your sake when he should have been fighting alongside you?" he said.
"Well, lesson learned now, I hope. You're… a little forgiven," Azula said, with a smirk. Sokka laughed, his brow pressed against hers.
"Good to know," he said. Azula bit her lip.
"Maybe we're not so different, you and I. You jumped in front of an inferno to protect me because you love me… and I let you rest on my chest because I…"
"Azula?" Sokka raised an eyebrow, looking at her with surprise.
Azula breathed deeply before meeting his eyes: it felt like the biggest risk she had ever taken. She didn't know what was so frightening about uttering those words, she had already spoken them to someone else…
But doing it with Sokka felt like a greater commitment. Like deciding she was throwing her lot with him for the rest of their lives, if he could stand her for that long.
The way he gazed at her suggested he was capable of that, and so much more.
So she had to do it. She just had to jump… and wait for gravity to claim her, or for her wings to burst from her back and help her take to the skies.
"I love you."
Sokka's eyes gleamed with emotion, reflected by the tears that were born in the corners of his eyes. He laughed softly, and Azula smiled warmly too, if tearfully: he kissed her sweetly, and her arms locked around his neck as she kept him close.
"Azula…" he managed to say, with a broken voice. Azula shook her head.
"It's okay. We'll… talk things over later," she said, caressing his cheek. "We'll decide whatever we need to decide, alright? For now, just… just live in the here and now. Just… just let me love you even if I barely know how, okay?"
"You know more than you realize you do," Sokka smiled warmly: the affection in his eyes caught her so off guard she nearly melted into his next kiss, into his warm, loving embrace…
Yes, there were many things for them to work through still. Yes, perhaps she'd regret having said those words once it sunk in that she had done it, whenever she lost her mind to anguish over not being good enough for him… but right now, everything felt just right. His kisses were as warm as sunlight, setting her inner flame afire with potent emotions she never knew she could experience.
Fire could be so deadly, so devastating. It could lay waste upon everything, just as Zirin had tried to… but it could be warm and gentle, too. It could embody passion… it could embody life. The dark shadows fire cast around itself were intricately connected with its light. The hand of the bender wielding it would determine the true purpose of flames: destruction or creation, hatred or love, life or death…
And right now, the fire in her heart burned with unequivocal devotion for the man whose brow pressed to hers, as they basked in their newfound peace. A part of Azula wickedly wished to ask if this was exactly what he had been missing with Suki… but she didn't dare mar a perfect moment of shared tenderness with any matters besides the two of them. All teasing could wait for later.
Though they would be forced to interrupt that crystallized moment of happiness rather quickly, too, once they heard footsteps approaching Sokka's room, as well as the quelled voices of Zuko and his physicians, who no doubt were informing him of Sokka's state.
"Uuuh…" Sokka grimaced: Azula flushed as she squirmed clumsily, awkwardly, out of Sokka's embrace.
"Lie down quietly there. Nothing happened here," she said, bashful, carefully moving so her leg wouldn't hurt.
"Right. Right. I'll… pretend I was asleep, yep. That's it," Sokka smiled, closing his eyes and relaxing.
Azula's heart raced as she took her seat: Zuko barged in moments later, without knocking.
"Still can't bother announcing yourself before entering any rooms?" Azula asked. Zuko grimaced, slowing down at first before stepping closer to Azula, sitting beside her.
"I guess I ought to work on that," he said. "How is he?"
"He's… asleep. As you can see," Azula said, trying not to show her bashfulness too overtly – while there was much they would need to work on and decide, one of such things was settling on whether to keep matters quiet a little longer or blatantly sharing the truth of what their relationship was with everyone around them… such as Zuko.
"Well… yeah. I can," Zuko sighed. "The physicians say he might… might have light marks left. Fortunately, the fire receded fast enough so it isn't as severe as, well… my face."
"It wasn't a third-degree burn," Azula concluded. Zuko nodded.
"Still… I don't feel like this is the right choice," Zuko said. Azula raised an eyebrow. "I mean… my physicians are the best the Fire Nation can offer. But is Fire Nation medicine going to be enough?"
"I have no idea. I hope so?" Azula said. Zuko sighed.
"I think we should get him to someone who could alleviate his pain much faster. Maybe even heal him enough so his skin isn't damaged forever," Zuko said. "Not even with light marks."
"Is that even possible?" Azula asked.
"Waterbending healing is impressive. You'll see," Zuko said, reassuringly.
"You're bringing a waterbender here?" Azula asked. "Or… do you want us to go to the Northern Water Tribe again?"
"I, uh… didn't mean for us to travel that far. A little less far, frankly," Zuko said, twiddling his thumbs awkwardly. Azula frowned.
"What?"
"There's… a really great waterbending healer who would gladly look after Sokka and make sure he's okay. And I think we should trust her to take good care of him. I know I do… though I'm not sure you do. Sokka would, though, I mean, she's… uh, well… his sister."
Azula had started to suspect what Zuko was getting at right before he arrived at his destination: her jaw dropped, and she inched away from him before blurting out the one answer she could give her brother's suggestion:
"Absolutely not."
"Azula, he's her brother. She'll kill us if we don't tell her he was in danger, if we don't take him to her…!"
"She'll kill you for harboring me at all, and then kill me for being, well, me! So as far as I can tell, the casualties will be minimal provided we just… avoid her. Forever."
Zuko snorted, slightly amused by the panic Katara elicited in Azula's heart. The Princess glared at her brother in displeasure, and he shook his head.
"I'll go too and make sure she understands that none of this is your fault. If anything… it's mine," Zuko said. Azula winced…
"As touching as it is to hear you admit that? I still don't want to go. Nope. Not a chance," Azula said, eyes wide.
"You might just like Air Temple Island…"
"What does that even matter?! I'm not going to jump right into their hands when they thought I'd kidnapped Sokka to begin with!"
"Well, I'll clear that up too! It'll be fine! Maybe we can call Toph too, I bet she'd help clear your name! Maybe she even told Aang and Katara that you're not a hazard to Sokka already…!"
"Right, and you think they believed her, if she did? You're as gullible as…"
"If you guys argued any louder, maybe you'd finally make sure that no one gets any rest around these parts, you know?"
Both Azula and Zuko froze up at Sokka's accusatory tone and deadpan glare – evidently, his attempt to pretend that he was sleeping had ended very quickly. Their apologetic grimaces brought a smirk to his face, and he shook his head at them.
"We can go to Air Temple Island. I'll handle Katara… and I'll make sure to have a loud argument with her just as you two are trying to fall asleep, too."
"Haha. You're hilarious," Zuko scoffed. Azula chuckled, shaking her head at Sokka's promise. "But then… once you're okay to travel? We'll… we'll get going. We'll get you some more healing, Sokka. You'll make a full recovery."
"As noisy as you may be… that's nice of you, buddy. Thanks," Sokka grinned.
Zuko didn't stay for much longer, busy as he was: Azula's nervousness over the next leg of their journey didn't diminish at all… but once Zuko was gone, she reached out to take Sokka's hand in hers: he smiled as he fell asleep holding it, and just by the sight of that gentle smile upon his face, Azula allowed herself to believe wistfully that everything would work out for the best…
They were gone. No light. No reflections. Nowhere for her to peer through and understand what had happened. The mirror was shattered, stained with her host's blood.
"You see? You hurt her! And you keep hurting her! Your meddling ruined her bonds with her allies, and you couldn't save her from another betrayal!"
Yue gritted her teeth, closing her eyes as she tried not to listen to the cackling cruelty of her captor. She didn't want to hear it. She didn't need to…
"Yue… Yue… Yue…"
A second voice. The one she heard at times, a familiar voice… it was kind, it was reaching out for her…
The dark restraints around her body tightened. She closed her eyes and hoped they'd hold. She needed them to hold. Otherwise…
"It won't be long now. It won't be long," her captor giggled with cruelty: she refused to look at him. She wouldn't meet his gaze. She had always refused… and he would never stop pushing her. "It won't be long before you're mine forever… once no one needs you anymore. Once you're well and truly gone from that world. Once every memory of your existence vanishes…
"Once they forget you. The Princess, the warrior… they will give their hearts to each other, and you will be forgotten for good."
A tear escaped Yue's cheeks: she might never be free again… but so long as they were, she would endure this nightmare and face the dark fate that swirled closer and closer around her, threatening to fulfill the dark promise of Oblivion.
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fancifulplaguerat · 9 months
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Daniil & Antiocheanism
Welcome to my combination Antiocheanism Daniil Dankovsky brainrot. 
Antiocheanism is a fictional sect described in the zine which comes with Deathconsciousness by Have A Nice Life. The religion is seemingly a response to existential fear, a means to reconcile the knowledge that we all have to die. It provides a very nihilistic answer—there is no hope or meaning in Antiocheanism, whose tenets emphasize that by virtue of being alive, we are all already dead; nor do our deaths matter, and there is not afterlife because God has no care or use for the dead. The central idea of Antiocheanism is that “truth is death, and death is truth,” which I read as that by facing death, one accepts the truth of what it is to be human. There are some quotes from the zine which are distractingly rife for Daniil comparison so I’m now going to go apeshit in a means fit for polite society. 
The first scene I want to bring up is “What Happens When We Die,” during which a boy approaches Antiochus and his followers with a string of cryptic questions (this is the scene I posted screenshots from): 
“All these questions you ask” the child began “are only comments, they dance around the problem with fine words and delicate manners they approach you but you circle your real desire, arms locked at your sides as children circle in our games hands over eyes in giddy enjoyment you do not wish to find that which is obscured you wish to not find it.”
[...] 
Cassius, the doctor who tended to those with sores and lesions and poured into their wounds foul salts grew angry and replied with a harsh voice “We seek Truth only that we seek, and we spend our lives in searching with words we reveal that which is covered we root out that which is false those whose falseness is discovered in the contradictions of their language there are none here who avoid truth”
Any fellow Daniil Enjoyers will probably see the glaring connection here of a doctor professing an obsessive adherence to and pursuit of truth. I also feel that Cassius’ response carries a similar sentiment to Daniil’s notorious “The truth is my shepherd. Whatever happens, I will find answers, and justice will be restored.” Truth is both Cassius and Daniil’s guiding principle, and though I find it a stretch to apply justice to Cassius’ lines, I think there is a common idea here of pursuing truth to find the ‘correct’ and the ‘right;’ “I will find answers, and justice will be restored,” versus “we root out that which is false / those whose falseness is discovered in the contradictions of their language.”  But what truly made this a Category 5 Daniil Dankovsky Moment for me was the preceding passage; what the boy says to anger Cassius. 
The boy accuses Antiochus’ followers of avoiding their real question: “What happens when we die?” I find it interesting how he frames the followers avoidance as a game, like they are playing at being enlightened, but fail to actually confront the truth that they seek. The image of the Antiocheans as children covering their eyes reminds me of Aspity accusing Daniil’s attitude towards death like that of a child covering his eyes. The context differs, and it is almost definitely coincidental, but there are interesting parallels to be drawn here. Like Cassius, Daniil is a supposedly enlightened intellectual who is accused of not properly understanding or recognizing death, i.e. the truth. And again I love the truth framing here because Cassius, who is so dedicated to truth, is avoiding facing the ultimate one he seeks, just as Daniil resists accepting or understanding the game’s proposed truth about death. 
Now I want to turn to “truth is death,” which occurs at the end of Antiochus’ description of what happens after death with yet another Category 5 Daniil Moment: “Because you sought truth / and now you have it. / Death is Truth / and Truth is Death.” Antiochus expands on this later, when he bombards a noblewoman attending one of his sermons with his philosophy to the point that she “tells the truth” in committing suicide. The end of Antiochus’ monologue feels particularly Marble Nest to me: 
“because death is truth - and truth is death - and we move towards that which is true - and move to death - you have the courage to run towards it - to welcome it - to not live in fear of it - to not live in dread of it - always pretending, always lying - saying you don’t see it, that it is not there - that these people are alive - that you are alive - when all you are is dead and a liar - the same as everyone else - why do you not tell the truth? - why don’t you tell the truth?” 
This passage is not 1:1 with The Marble Nest, but Antiochus and Aspity occupy similar roles in both works. They try to convince their respective targets to stop ‘pretending’ by avoiding the reality of death; rather to understand death, but not fear it, for through understanding and lack of fear is ‘proper’ death. Aspity tells Daniil that, “there is fear swelling inside you. And fear won’t help you understand how to die properly.” Daniil needs to understand death, that is the point of his Fever Dream Adventure—Aspity says that Death wants Daniil “to understand why it haunts you, and it won’t take take you in until you do.” Then there is the final dialogue with the Executor where Daniil can agree to die, in which case Death will say, “Good. Finally you understand,” and fuck I still get chills over “Let’s see who you are. Give me your hand.” / “Here it is.” 
I think you can take confronting death in The Marble Nest in many ways, but I personally see it as expanding on ideas from Patho Classic—that dying is not the end, that everything can endure, with the added meta layer that Daniil is a fictional character. Unlike Antiochus’ philosophy of 'we are already dead, so just die,’ The Marble Nest feels more like a narrative that is simultaneously about acceptance and resistance. Neither is framed as a wrong choice—if Daniil chooses to stay alive and replay the day, it seems positive in its own way, again very “Do not go gentle into that good night / Rage, rage against the dying of the light.” I still believe what I said before; I don’t find this choice depressing, I think it’s very human, about hope and endurance, how we keep going despite futility. For the purpose of this comparison, about how we keep going despite death waiting for us, and act and find purpose and meaning even if it’s futile, even if it’s just out of pure stubbornness. This is almost directly opposite Antiocheanism, which is ‘we’re going to die, so nothing will matter in the end, and if nothing matters in the end, it doesn’t matter now.’ 
The only choice that is arguably wrong in The Marble Nest is if Daniil agrees to die without understanding. At this, the Executor will deny him and say, “‘Are you ready to die?’ This is what the question was. The wording is important here. You're dying. But you aren't ready. What's the point of such death? You never braved the abyss; you fell limply down its chasm.” I think Daniil dying without understanding would be akin to him merely surrendering to Death, whereas Death wants Daniil to understand why he could not win. 
I have more thoughts but I’d rather this post not get too unruly so. Go listen to Deathconsciousness and give Daniil a tender little kiss on the forehead
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