#it will most likely be my first day off!

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

ON THE SUBJECT OF A MARCH 1ST UPDATE LIVESTREAM.

so due to newly-employed circumstances, i most likely won't be able to stream my exploration of the update until the Sunday after it drops - March 3rd, likely around 10 am pst.

im not gonna ask anyone to wait because that's unreasonable and absurd, However! I am curious:

#im asking instead of cancelling it outright #because i know how fun it can be to see someone explore/discover/watch something youve already enjoyed #plus. if i may so bold as to say! #who knows! maybe some of you actually Want to hear me speculate and go bonkers On Mic <3 #absolutely unprompted #marked for deletion #welcome home #Why Am I Waiting Until The Third? #it will most likely be my first day off! #i dont wanna explore the update when im exhausted after a 9 hour shift lmfao #and i don't want to explore it in the morning before work when im on a crunch #i want Time! i want Energy! im gonna need all the brainpower i can cobble together! #oh man the upcoming full day of Active Avoidance #i might actually turn off my phone lmfao #bc muscle memory is gonna take me to tumblr & That has burned me so many times... #im not gonna use tumblr im not gonna use discord #im gonna queue up youtube videos so that i dont risk seeing anything on the homepage #babey im Hunkering Down! #i will simply spend my free time after work with myself. crochet. doodle. sit and stare at a wall #sob viciously bc im missing out #its interesting. so much of my life has been Being Late To The Proverbial Party & Missing Out On Experiences. #and by interesting i mean it makes me violent. sigh. but we deal! what else is there to do!

[lunarharp]

shirahama-sensei reminded me she has a thing for the teacher from pokemon s/v so i randomly went off on an au where qifrey is the professor. etc

#witch hat tag #orufrey #the first image is qifrey dressed as that guy. i'm glad she has an inexplicable attachment to some dorky pokemon man like i do #someone was like 'wouldn't it make more sense for deanreldea to be the champion' .... well no. not in my world . #it maps onto magic skill. champions aren't like the Rulers of the land they're just the most skilled at this thing #oru as a burnt out champion who's gently encouraging a kid like coco to reach him one day means a lot to me. i like pokemon narratives #agott went shiny hunting for the same thing coco had but cooler - just to impress her. she really is a pokemon rival type girl #pushing myself to the limit to prove my worth to you - to get to the summit first so i'm waiting for you.. #and then realising it wasn't just to be strong - i realised i started wanting to see your smile. i wanted you to have fun. #i think coco would defeat agott at the end of victory road and then defeat oru & i'll probably draw one last thing abt that at least.. #the image is very cinematic..the dialogue and music in my mind..I WANT TO FACE ORU!!!!!!!!!! #the super cool insanely powerful awesome champion is the spouse of my professor and he gave me advice at the beginning...no way.... #btw the elite four would be the sages which is perfect (and maybe easthies as the first guy?) evil Team Brimhats #coustas as their renegade gladion-type figure. the gym leaders would be like sun/moon and s/v combined #travelling around facing the best students from different classes - so jujy and eunie etc. #i've barely thought about 'teams' or anything bc i care amore about the narrative side of things always lol #but idk. tetia with a swirlix - eunie would be ghost type boy - riche with small things but also a ceruledge or a steelix something massiv #and brushbug would have a final form which is really long like an eastern dragon- fluffy and with wings like a fairy. It's beautiful to me #well anyway *tries to move on to the rest of life now the brief obsession has passed* #obviously oru would be fire-type tho and qifrey would be water-type and they set off together and traded their starters etc.....it goes on

[k-yujin]

read the tags !! // officially quit

#⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ​⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ #ok first of all why am i writing in tags you may ask #well i find it less awkward to express in my tags rather in the actual post it self since im one hell of an awkward piece of shit hihi #ANYWAY TO THE TOPIC OF ME QUITING #this has been very long due #like i mean everyone has to have seen it coming #specially since i dont post as frequently and j lost most of my motivation #one. because school is my current priority (teachers pet ang peg HAHAH CHARIZ) #two. is my personal life !!! i’ve been vry vry busy keeping up with irl frends and also my family #but the main reason had to be my lack of motivation as in its non existent #next topic !!! #i will be deleting most of my asks and random posts soem of which are memorable to me will be rbloged to @diorasz my personal acc ! #ah and yes will i be coming back? #probably will be lurking time to time but who knows i might actually come back on joshuas bday solely to post a joshua mb HAHAHAHA #ilovemyman frr #I WAS SUPPOSED TO POST THIS ON THE DAY JOSHUA ACTUALLY POSTED ON HIS IG #ok im getting sooooo off topic #but like hooray my last theme is actually jjong toram HAHAH #i actually quited before november like the end of oct but i was too lazy to make a post about it hehehe #but luvi knew ofc :> #anyway if were close moots frel free to add me in discord not like im actually really active #@stariaz. 🤓 #who knows i might actually take this back if suddenly the little devil inside me decides to revive itself #anyway this is user k-yujin offically(?) signing off 🤓🤓 #ALSOOO DOESNT MEAN I QUITED PPLCAN USE MY STUFF W/O GIVING CREDS !!! (ehem ehem my dividers 👁) #please give creds or i will literally come alive #i still have someone who acts as my eyes here even though j wont post no more #guys i have to wake up at 5 am gud night 🤩 #also i cut my hair 😶 #thabks for 3.4k though 🫵🫵

[jinglebunns]

it’s kirby’s return to dreamland deluxe release day!! yahoo!!! 🎉🎉🎉

#カービィ #kirby #art #illustration #return to dreamland deluxe #this is the most complex bg i've ever painted #and i started it literally 3 days ago #like a madman #hoping i don't notice any mistakes weird areas in a couple days #but it's whatever i finished in time for the release #and gotDAMN did i work my ass off for this #in the demo when kirby first rides into merry magoland he looks around on the warp star and makes a little wahhhh! sound in amazement #and it's cute as hell i rewatched it several times in demo vids

[luck-of-the-drawings]

been followin slimes POV of the qsmp since it started but mMY GOOOODDDDD i never expected to fall so in love with it... I LOVE THE TRADGEDY OF A COMEDIC CHARACTER! so funny so silly, who could ever take him seriously? when the reaction to grief can be so overblown and strange, its hard not to laugh! because wheres the line, really? we're just here to have fun! i look forward to the day this guy snaps! its gonna be REALLY FUNNY i tell ya hwat!!!

(CREDIT TO A COMIC I REFERENCED UNDER THE CUT)

something about this comic makes me so so emotional, and its so well framed. to discover something by the end of a comic, to follow the same line of thought as a character within a drawing, to either come to the same conclusion, or the dramatic irony of figuring it out first. it was made by the talented Lynda Barry, and she has a wonderful shop here https://drawnandquarterly.com/books/greatest-marlys/

#q!slimecicle #qsmp #qsmp fanart #qsmp slimecicle #NOT MY FIRST TIME DRAWIN SLIMECICLE BUT ITS DEF BEEN A WHHHIILE. THIS IS HOWEVER MY FIRST TIME DRAWIN THE OTHERS #LIKE ive never drawn philza or cellbit or pol or bbh before. i looked up MINIMAL refs and went off their minecraft skins. hope yall like em #FUN FACTS! i gave q!slime the green flannel (but the green plaid is silent) bc of katastrophics design for him #he also has the 3 hearts n the Bra'ad sash bc OFFCCC u just cant see that gay lil bag here #maybe one day ill draw a qslime with more detail #IN OTHER NEWS ! this series fascinates me SOOO MUCH! THE FEDS AND THE CODES N THE EGGS AND WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAANN??? #I HAVVEEE theories abt juanaflippa. SPOILER WARNING IG BUT IM ABT TO RAAAAMBLE!! #SO this totally isnt flippa right. like this is someone else. this is one of the code beasts piloting either a costume or a corpse #BOTH INTRIGUE ME. but nonetheless. this thing is NEW and it is LEARNING and it LOVES ITS DAD #ITS NOT FLIPPA BUT OHH HOW NICE IT IS TO BE FLIPPA! TO BE FED AND HUGGED AND LOVED SO SO SO MUCH #AND YET SOMETHING IS SO TERRIBLY WRONG. SOMETHING IS BLEEDING OUT AND INFECTING THE AIR AND SOIL AND SPACE #AND ITS HURTING CODEFLIPPAS DAD! ITS TURNING HIM INTO SOMETHING ELS.E. HE DOESNT CARE BUT CERTAINLY SOMEONE ELSE DOES #MAYBE THE PEOPLE AROUND HIM. BUT MOST CERTAINLY IT MUST BE EATING AT THIS POOR LITTLE CODE #THIS POISONOUS LITTLE THING. THIS DISEASE. THIS VIRUS. IT JUST WANTS TO BE HELD A LITTLE LONGER. BUT AT WHAT COST?

[lemongogo]

can i ask.how u guys practice ur creativity <3 how u practice ur imagination or like.. how u experiment with ur art, how u come to ideas and how u develop them.<3 pretty please <3

#smthing i have always struggled w.is feeling like i can only draw things that r handed 2 me. #as in.an idea or concept that already exists #chara or conflict that already exists.Scene that alr exists. #and i think it can be soo limiting bc when i have that sort of creative desire but nothing 2 reflect off of it #i feel like im unable to do anything/get anywhere bc im unable to do that mental legwork myself ykwim #like comic artists r SOOO JAW DROP INSPIRING TO MEE bc not only are u envisioning ur own sequences/situations #but u are able to imagine even the most MUNDANE interactions within those scenarios u know #like the transitory panels and the quiet moments and the every day stillness #and i feel like.its not even a poor attempt on my behalf its like.i cant Even attempt it.like my brain is soo empty #and soo static and noiseless that i am like gauhh...... #i can practice lines all day long and practice colors and practice anatomy or Whatever bc its something concrete #and its in front of me and i can pry apart the physical technicalities until i understand it better #but my MIND???ABSTRACTION>? THOUGHTS .ough its so hard #and i really want to push past that but i dont know how and its so .. demoralizing to think that ill get there One Day but i feel #one million and two days away.and not making active process towards it. #i know the first step is to build ur visual library and i feel liek. idk i FEEL LIKEEE theres more 2 it that im missing #but also im depressed as hell n my job is killing my creative drive and the seasonal stuff isnt helping #so maybe i just need 2 give it time (true) but i also like.man i dont know. i want 2 do something w my hands #but everything ive been doing so far has felt soo .hard and fruitless and i definitely dont want 2 turn art into such a stressful thing #fruitless as in like.i dont get any personal satisfaction w it.idgaf abt monetization or algorithms or any of tht #but smtimes thats just what happens and i have 2 weather through and know ill be more equipped 4 this some other time #SAWRYYY IM ALWAYS GOING ON AND ONNN im nromal im normal<3 i just rly like art and it sucks balls whn it feels out of reach #sigh cry fart scroll.(:salute:)

[alexcabotgf]

not to be true crime posting on main but i think i'm falling down the wm3 rabbit hole again

#xenia.txt #when i tell you this case keeps me up at night to this day #not even the murders themselves as much as the general public's reception to and opinions on the case 3 decades later like #i get why it;s always been so divisive especially after the pl docus came out (lots of opinions on those btw none of them are good #from the bottom of my heart fuck you joe berlinger and bruce sinofsky) #but it's truly baffling how no one is willing to do the research on what is arguably THE most well documented true crime case in recent #history like. everything that's ever been released to the general public is available online and i mean everything #you can find all the court files trial transcripts depositions interogation tapes aerial photos you name it it's out there for anyone with #internet connection to access at any and all hours of the day #and yet people are still foaming at the mouth fighting on reddit abt their innocence based off nothing but a couple of movies like #bffr with me right now!! almost every point the innocenters make can be easily debunked by scrolling through callahan for 15 minutes #'but they've been pushing for dna testing since their release so they can't be guilty' baby the case is closed! #it's been closed the second they took the plea. they can be striking under that courthouse and it still won't change a thing and they knowi #that's why they're pushing for it in the first place but that's just my opinion #^ and i say they but it's really only echols which makes a lot of sense to me personally #and if you want to talk abt dna testing let's talk abt the one that was done in 2011 and how the defense hurried to propose the plea as soo #as they got the results! let's talk abt those cause no one's ever seen them and i would very much like to #braga share the results the people want to know!! #makes me wonder which pieces of evidence they even submitted for that 2011 testing because if i'm remembering correctly #there was one that would've closed this case instantly and maybe that's why the results were never disclosed and the plea was rushed #but that's also just my opinion #and it's also interesting how the majority of people who have in fact deep dived into this case #(and i'm not talking abt big true crime youtubers as i'm very sceptical abt their research abilities) #all collectively lean towards guilty. much to think about #i was hoping someone would make another ~actually~ unbiased documentary for the 30th anniversary and go over all the case files #but i don't think that's even realistic at this point seeing as everyone and their mother has some sort of an opinion on this case #hbo deserves another lawsuit for this. they should've never won the first one in the first place #true crime tw

[legogender]

okay i have to say i am actually a strong defender of Snake That Makes You Evil. it sounds stupid on paper but thats only if u take it at face value? i do actually think the concept is crazy good what with the venom slowly corrupting how garmadon thinks about things and him being fully aware but unable to stop it.

its also not Just the venom that makes him evil. in the spinjitzu brothers books you can actively watch the fsm and wu and… really EVERYONE around garmadon become more and more wary of him despite not much really changing. it becomes a permanent blight on him that he is repeatedly told he needs to cure. but he hasnt really even changed in his own eyes

i personally prefer it to have been a pure fateful accident but the involvement of the overlord in the bite makes it arguably even more tragic. it becomes more than a childish mistake. garmadon was doomed from the moment he was born.

#ninjago #PLEASEEEEE read the soinjitzu brothers books if you can. its such crazy insight into wu and garmadons characters #every day i think abt shezada being like ‘oh youre the eveil one? makes sense’ with literally no explanation #also no offense. but i think ppl forget that his Evil Transformation happened over literlaly like. hundreds of years #its not like he got bit and was immediately evil #ik they show it kinda like that in the first flashback of the bite.m #but he was able to hold off the full effects of the venom until literally like mmmaybe a decade before the pilots #thats hundreds or even thousands of years. all that time of the venom corrupting him and he still fought for love !!!!!!! #ohhh my god also just remembered in the most recent spinjitzu bros book when they paint him as clearly having depression. Whatverrrrr #unrelated. but mann those books r so good #OH MY GOD JUST FOUND OUT THE SERIES GOT CANCELLED. KILLING MYSELF

[deus-ex-mona]

ngl i want lxl to double down on the whole “we’re lovers” thing that they have going on in meoto and continue acting as lovers in their future songs. they’ve given their fans enough love, now it’s time for them to love each other on main!!! and hey, maybe they’ll finally be canon—

#i want them to act as lovers in a whole variety of settings though~~~~~~ #i’d love to see them pay homage to yujiro’s kabuki background and portray the story of a kabuki play in a song maybe~? #the possibilities are endless with these two bc they’re stupid dense lol #you could ask them to act as lovers and they’ll still walk away from the experience without realising their feelings for each other #though on the topic of songs im sure either white day kiss or last stage (or both) are the most likely songs to get mvs for the next 2 weeks #b u t i really reallyyyyyy want it to be meoto lmao #though ig at this point motto ichigo au lait is more likely to get an mv first than meoto (solely based off the songs’ ages) #i hope we get a new mona mv soon though~~~~~~~~~~~~~ #im sorry it’s almost 5 in the am im running on low sleep and residual fumes of rage and thus my thoughts are a messsss #染BODY ONCE TOLD ME—

[raineandsky]

#98

“And lo! Here approaches my best knight,” the king announces to the jester as the knight squeezes through the door. The poor jester looks thankful to see her as he hurries out of the king’s gaze. “Come, show me your skill.”

The knight throws a few carefully angled swings for the king. He watches with a delighted expression, but she can see the soullessness in his eyes. Her stomach flips uncertainly.

“You are an excellent swordsman, knight,” he says flatly. “Now, tell me, why should I allow you to stay within my walls?”

The jester averts his gaze awkwardly. Is she about to get fired? “… Because I’m an excellent swordsman and your best knight,” she tries, and the king huffs in his telltale way of saying WRONG.

“Perhaps that was on me for being unspecific.” He picks up a wine glass from the golden table next to his throne, swirling it idly. “I hear you liaise with dragons.”

The knight’s attempt to keep her expression neutral fails miserably. The king watches with keen interest as her eyes widen and her mouth moves in an abysmal attempt to form some sort of defence. She’s acutely aware of the jester watching curiously too—whatever she says next will be the castle’s gossip for the next month. Maybe two if nothing of interest happens before then.

Well shit. Might as well fall into treason headfirst.

She reaches a hand into the front of her breastplate, earning a soft squeak from something inside. The king leans forward on his throne. The jester peers as close as he dares.

Her hand comes back with a short purple string laced around her fingers. Or she does at first glance, and closer inspection reveals her ribbon to be a tiny dragon, yawning and digging tiny claws into her fingers.

The king roars so loud the dragon startles. The knight and the jester don’t fare much better. “Beast!” he howls.

“Beast! Beast! Beast! Beast!” the room echoes back to them.

“You bring this creature within my walls?” he demands. “You slander my name—my rule—with your disregard to my kindness for you?”

“She’s harmless!” the knight cries over him. The dragon isn’t a fan of the racket, and is making a great effort to slip up her sleeve. “She looks after my finances.”

“Disgusting beast,” the king spits.

“The dragon,” the jester says quietly, valiantly ignoring the way the king’s stare snaps to him, “is your accountant?”

The knight fishes a coin from her pouch, gently tapping the dragon with its edge. Its gaze snaps to her gold, its past endeavour with her sleeve forgotten as it grapples for her coin. It twists its body around it excitedly, gnawing at the edge like a toddler, a quiet hum emitting from it as it does.

“That noise it is making,” the king shrieks, “it is going to attack!”

“No!” the knight shouts over him. “It’s like a cat—she’s purring. It means she’s happy.”

“Dragons do not purr,” the king retorts, but the dragon is undeniably making a noise that sounds remarkably like purring. The jester takes a cautious step closer.

The knight tucks her finger under her chin, giving it a hearty scratch. The dragon’s humming gets louder, her eyes closing blissfully at the touch.

“How does it… work?” the jester asks. The knight offers him a smile that she hopes conveys how grateful she is for his interest in the face of the king’s disgust.

“She takes my coins—my salary, my earnings, anything.” The knight adjusts her hand so the dragon sits more comfortably in her palm. She doesn’t seem to mind, too busy clamping her jaw around the gold to notice. “She keeps a hoard no one but her can find. I earned her trust, and whenever I need money she gives it to me.”

“She is a thief,” the king spits, but the rage is losing momentum in the face of such a cute little thing. The knight doesn’t miss how she’s suddenly not an ‘it’.

“I give her all the money she has. She’s just better at keeping money than most humans,” the knight says with a grin, “because she doesn’t spend it all in a tavern.”

The jester snorts. The king raises his eyebrows. Silence falls for a moment as they all watch the dragon get comfortable in the knight’s hand, her tiny body choking her coin, a claw wrapped around her thumb as she nestles in and closes her eyes.

The jester lets out a short “aww,” that’s louder than he probably intended.

“Tsch,” the king says. He leans back in his throne like he’s lost interest. “A beast is a beast. I am most displeased you were disloyal to my word, knight.”

“I apologise, your majesty,” the knight says. It’s all she can say, really. “I will fix things.”

“You… may keep the thing,” the king continues after a moment of intense deliberation. The knight attempts to not to look too surprised. The jester doesn’t even try. “But it is your accountant and nothing more. If I discover it torching my palace I will execute both it and you.”

“Accounting is what she’s best at, your majesty,” the knight says brightly. “You’ll never have to see her again.”

The king nods shortly, though his gaze is traitorously locked onto the purple ball in her hand. “I would not be adverse, knight,” the king says slowly, like he doesn’t quite want to, “if you felt it right to study. We did not know dragons purr, or like coin.”

“Your majesty?”

“Gather your resources and come back to me with knowledge of the beasts.” He waves a hand dismissively. “I will reconsider your treasonous actions if you can prove that your creature poses no threat to my rule or my people.”

A lot of questions are rattling through her brain. “Your majesty, what do—”

“That is all. Jester!” The king turns his attention away from her and back to the jester as he takes centrestage, looking a lot less stressed than before. He gives her a subtle nod and the lightest smile—a small gesture between the servants of the castle, a simple well done.

The knight leaves the hall with the king’s uproaring laughter following her. The dragon stays curled in her hand, and she runs her thumb over it carefully, the dragon’s body warm and prickly to the touch.

A knight to a scholar in one conversation. She doesn’t even know how to write.

#creative writing #writblr #writers on tumblr #writing #writing community #fantasci writing #fantasy writing #guess who got covid for the third fukn time #3????????? 3. 3 whole ass times #now. i know some people will not care about this. i know my coworkers sure dont #but i have seen the studies. chances of risk higher the more you get it etc etc #and on the first day i honestly felt like ASS and i still do!! ive had today off (yeehaw!) cause i feel like im dying!! (not yeehaw!) #wish me luck yall im so goddamn ill and im so goddamn mad about it #ive tried to do a lil writing through it but i aint all there in my head atm #so if i suddenly start posting the weirdest most incoherent stupid shit known to man. i wrote it with covid. sorry

[joeal-kaysani]

OFMDBLOG 1k Celebration Event Day 3 — "This is Happening" Moment

#our flag means death #ofmdblog1k #ofmdedit #stede bonnet #ed teach #blackbeard #edits #oc #* #rolls up to this event three days late with starbucks #this is the first scene i ever giffed from this show and it was because it was my 'this is happening' moment for them #everything up to this point i felt could be written off as comedic (the stabbing and even the almost-kiss) #or platonic even if it was incredibly charged (the bathtub scene just before this) #but when they kept cutting back to ed's face during the sword fight something clicked like 'oh. oh my god ed is actually in love with him.' #it wasn't being played for laughs and i wasn't just seeing things #so it's a weird choice but it truly was that moment for me #props to taika for looking like the most besotted and horniest man i've ever seen in my life in the last gif bc that really cinched it #gentlebeard

[i-am-a-fan]

Meet my Half-Blood Oc, Icarus!

The other oc depicted belongs to @northstarx-of-the-night and her name is Ophelia :>>>>

#we shouldn’t be allowed in the same fandoms because our headcannons are so stupid #for example #apollo kids have really good vision during the day but are night blind to an extreme #to combat this. many of them have eyes that basically work like high beams #percy jackson #pjo oc #specks ocs #speck art #my art #not my oc #also. i really only remember the first book #i do not have much to go off of #north has been my anchor for most of this info

[peliginspeaks]

Reference for Hallowrove's scars!

First death: Lost the Feducci duel, got impaled with his lance. Would have healed more messily if Oversol hadn't been there to take it out and help afterwards.

Shapeling Arts first aid: stabbed in a dock brawl, patched up creatively by Haarsink

Vake: first encounter with it in BaL, the text mentioned it raking its claws down the player's legs while holding their shoulders and the image just stuck with me

Upper River Beast: sometimes there's a Big Fuckoff Flesh Creature. Lingering scar from an out-of-game roleplay incident.

Others: no consistent canonical placement for the assorted small scars, except for none around the eyes. Definitely most of them are from monster hunting or clambering around over walls and other types of Hallowroveish Activities they get into out of curiosity, but a couple lighter and older ones are from absentmindedness when they used to do metalwork and mechanical stuff on the Surface.

#hallowrove tag #tw scars #one of these days I'll lure Haarsink and Oversol's players to come post more about them on here #anyways #it's so strange for me to post stuff like this because I've had Hallowrove for almost two years now but not posted hardly anything #so it's just funny to see them with all this wear and tear knowing they probably come off Grizzled or whatever at first sight #when i know they're just some guy. that i happen to enjoy hurting dhdhfh #on a serious note though i love giving my ocs texture. i love scars and wrinkles and body hair and stretch marks #i just don't know how to draw most of that stuff yet #hmm. i should give hallowrove More texture. anyways #peliginart #i guess

[haahka]

i cant wait til non kills them all :))))))))))

#dead friend forever #the 2 new guys might get spared we dont know of their involvement yet but #i see this as either his fantasizing of revenge #or its a very well executed revenge plot that includes getting the others on some drugs they dont know theyre on #yes phee and jin are getting the axe too. did they hook up bc of the phee/non breakup? feeling let down by non? yes we should fck about it #doesnt go down so well from nons point of view #oh also por getting killed off first? deserved :)))) #watch my theories get debunked in the first 20 seconds of the next episode but hey. ive been here for a day only i need to yell somewhere #dff #wait i didnt think this thru. phees gotta be in on it somehow. whats his motive for playing dumb in regards to the others history with non #and jin knows that phee knows most likely. so where is this going now. hmmm

[da-proti-toku-grem]

venting in the tags again bc i'm literally shaking right now wtf

#god i hate it so much #my exams start on monday and i'm not even halfway through everything i need to know for my first exam #i've had all the holidays to study but i just can't concentrate on anything #i've been in my room all day every day (except the days i spent w family like christmas and new year ofc) #and seemingly i'm studying all day #my family thinks i spend all day studying #but the only thing i'm capable of doing most of the time is stare at the things i have to do w/o having any idea of wtf i'm doing #my brain won't shut tf up and telling me stuff that i know are not true #but i just can't #i feel like i've been having an anxiety attack non stop since this monday #not very bad most of the time but it doesn't really stop yk? #and i feel like i have a weight on my chest that i can't really take off #i've been going to therapy and we've come to the conclusion that the cause of my anxiety overall are my studies #(not counting my social anxiety that's been getting worse every day to the point that i don't even want to go out with my best friends) #which doesn't really surprise me but it's just Too Much #i just want to drop everything but since idk what i'd do if i quit this career i chose to do my exams #bc maybe they are useful if i do change my path #but i just can't find it in me to focus and study because my mind is racing all the time #i just want to lie down and cry but i don't even have the strength to do that #i just feel so weak and miserable ever since i started uni and every day it gets worse and worse #my mind just screams at me saying #'stop complaining all the time. no one cares. everyone goes through stuff like that. you're no different. stfu and study like everyone does' #and i know i could do it if i tried but i just can't #why tf is it so difficult to be normal and do what i'm supposed to do for once ffs.... #venting #maca speaks

[tandytoaster]

The lil 14 year old trans boy at my work said I was his favourite

#noop nooping #KIDS R SO FUNNY like u listen to them and then theyre like im gonna follow u around #IM UR MOM NOW. UR FATHER AND I ARE DIVORCED NEITHER OF US HAVE CUSTODY #HES SUCH A NICE KID #im giggling bc he and quinn had a connection when the kid first started but now in like 🤭 teehee my kid now #AND ITS EVEN FUNNIER bc quinn was like 'he reminds me so much of myself when i was his age. hes my son now' #BUT NOW IM THE PARENT. we're divorced. ITS FUNNY #i stole your kid and you stole my bestie. im influencing the queer youth of this conservative town im succeeding #when i first met him he came in on a day he didnt work and one of the reasons he was there was to meet me bc quinn told him about me 🥺 #his parents are supportive so im rlly glad he has that #IM WORRIED ABOUT COMING OFF AS CREEPY TALKING ABOUT THIS but its just a nice feeling being a positive figure in some1's life #at my work its like microdosing helping ppl bc its retail. and the kid is there on saturdays. this is why i went to college jrmqmxjwkdgwh #i think the kind of social work i would enjoy most is peer support. if i ever want to re-enter the field #oh yea i think i saw my old supervisor today 😑 YUCKY