#it was never gonna be me so I have no reason to be hateful and jealous

[coolestzed]

Alright, I’ve been holding this inside for years but I’m finally gonna say it.

Misako haters are actually fucking annoying at this point.

They always were to me, but now, they’re just OBJECTIVELY an annoyance. And they need to STOP.

They take literally ANY chance to slander her, even when it’s completely unwarranted. Like, I’d just look at a picture of her on Pinterest, and there’d be multiple comments going "the world’s worst mother". Or I’d see content about Koko and there’d always be comments comparing her and Misako and going like "Koko way better fuck Misako".

I’d even see a fucking meme and people would slander Misako. Like they couldn’t resist.

And that’s not even mentioning his people constantly make her seem way worse than she actually is. Im not gonna quote everything, but basically they act like she never does good things for Lloyd. That she doesn’t care about him at all! And it’s just- so WILDY out of character!! And it’s the same vice versa! I saw a funny Ninjago video the other day with a "your mom" joke and someone in the comments was like "jokes on you, Lloyd would never call Misako mom". I’m just?????? Yes he DOES????? ALL THE TIME???

People just act like their relationship is nonexistent! Like they don’t care about each other, or that Misako doesn’t care about Lloyd! Which is OBVIOUSLY not true!

People claim that she disappears every other season but the only seasons she was absent in are 12 and 13. Also, she has a job. She goes on expeditions. Obviously she’s not there 100% of the time. And she and Lloyd clearly spend time together off screen.

People don’t even acknowledge the reason why she left in the first place. They act like she dropped him off at a boarding school and dipped to take a vaycay. She was literally trying to stop her husband and son from having to fight to the death. You ever think about that? You ever think about how SHE felt in the situation? With her husband being consumed by evil and later being banished, and learning that he and their son would have to fight each other? She was HORRIFIED and GRIEVING! Ultimately she did it to save her family. It doesn’t make leaving Lloyd right but it’s understandable.

But apparently not to almost all of the fandom.

Most of y’all, completely ignore that, and everything else that came after season 2.

Misako constantly being worried about Lloyd in Tournament of Elements and Possession.

Both of them spending Day of the Departed together.

Her getting/building the Destiny’s Shadow as a birthday gift for Lloyd.

How she supported, fought beside, and risked her life for Lloyd in Hunted.

How she wanted to stay and fight with him during MoTO but only went inside because Lloyd urged her to protect the civilians.

Not to mention just their general interactions. THEY’RE ALWAYS HAPPY TO SEE EACH OTHER!!! Do you know how many times they hug?!

And this dialogue here:

"Aren’t you going to kiss your mother goodbye?"

"Mooom, we've-we've talked about this-"

WHAT MORE PROOF DO YOU NEED?!

Lloyd and Misako have a good, healthy and loving relationship. Misako has long since made up for her mistake and they’ve moved on.

Yet THE FANDOM REFUSES TO!!!

EVERYONE, TO THIS DAY, STILL TREATS HER LIKE THE FUCKING DEVIL!!!

I CAN’T EVEN COUNT THE NUMBER OF TIMES PEOPLE HAVE HAD OVERDRAMATIC TANTRUMS FROM HER JUST EXISTING.

IT MAKES ME SO UNREASONABLY ANGRY.

AND THE FACT THAT I’VE SOMEHOW BEEN SEEING EVEN MORE MISAKO HATE DURING AND AFTER MOTHERS DAY IS ACTUALLY APPALLING.

NOT EVEN FUCKING ENDEAVOR FROM MHA GETS THIS MUCH HATE AND HE’S DONE MUCH WORSE TO HIS FAMILY.

IT. HAS. BEEN. OVER. 16. SEASONS. AND. A. MOVIE.

GET. OVER. IT.

*deep breath*

Look, she’s not perfect. Obviously. She fucked up. But who in this series hasn’t? She came back, and she’s made sure to be a better mother to Lloyd. He forgave her, and they have a good relationship now. They’re close.

She wouldn’t be as hated if the writers didn’t do her dirty. Her introduction wasn’t handled the best, and having her and Lloyd have a more in depth discussion would’ve made the reunion and forgiveness feel less rushed and forced. That love triangle with Wu and Garmadon certainly didn’t do her any favors either. 😑

Regardless, her character’s gotten better over the seasons. Again, she and Lloyd and close and have a good relationship.

But hardly anyone acknowledges that, almost everyone in the fandom hyper fixates on that one mistake from years ago. They don’t pay attention to anything else. Like how she’s a better mother, or how she’s just a generally good person.

You aren’t supposed to judge characters or irl people solely on their past mistakes. Especially when they’ve already made up for them. Thats why the "Misako’s a horrible mother" statement is always bullshit to me.

Seriously, Misako’s been a part of Lloyd’s life longer than she’s been absent from it at this point.

The amount of passionate, unforgiving hate she gets is so undeserved and over the top. Too many people are projecting their own issues onto her. Or just being plain hateful. It’s not fair to define her entire character on a single mistake that she’s long made up for.

And it’s definitely not fair to people that actually like Misako. Often times on the few positive posts about her, there’d be Misako haters in the notes or reblogs complaining about her or insulting her, or just stating they hate her but love the content. And that is completely uncool and rude. It’s so unnecessary. You don’t do that, that’s so shitty. The again Misako haters have a habit of spouting unnecessary hate. Like it’s a terminal condition they have.

So, please, for the love of god, COOL IT. Stop and think, try to ACTUALLY look at her character without the veil of blind hatred.

If you still dislike or hate her, fine! But if you’re gonna detest her, at least hate her as she is and don’t make her worse than she actually is to justify hating her more.

And PLEASE stop bashing her at every turn, it’s annoying, upsetting, unwarranted, unnecessary, and just not good.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

#ninjago #ninjago misako #misako garmadon #rant post #I may revive backlash for this #I don’t care #I’m so fucking done with this fandom #the hate is actually so ridiculous #y’all can live without constantly putting down a misunderstood character #Misako Defender For Life

[lookwhatitcost]

I miss the way you say my name.

Authors note: I had this idea on my flight back home, I hope you like it!

Pairing: Noah Sebastian x Reader!

Warnings!: smut, fingering, oral (F receiving), mentions of cheating, angst. Let me know if I need to add more!

Tags!: @xxkittenkissesxx @starsomens @thisbicc @laurpartyprogram

You and Noah had broken up exactly 1 month and 8 days ago. Why you may ask? He fucked up. he had broken up with you for reasons that you didn't know why, you always thought that he wasn't ready or that you were just another girl he had then left, and him breaking up with you out of the blue almost confirmed those thoughts.

Flashback.

"Noah why? Why do you not want me anymore?" You said with hot tears rolling down your face.

"I don't know y/n I just, can't anymore. I can't keep pretending that I want this to keep going anymore."

"Well you know what noah? Fuck you. Fuck you for letting me spend 3 FUCKING YEARS OF MY LIFE with you just so you could throw it out the window like it was nothing."

"Y/N baby-" he said clearly trying to calm you down.

"Don't fucking baby me Noah you know what you're doing and its your choice. I'm fucking leaving." You said with anger coming out of you.

"Don't leave, l don't want you to hate me because of this."

"well then you failed miserably. Goodbye noah" you said standing up to leave you and Noah's shared apartment. But you felt his hand grasp your wrist to halt you from leaving.

"Y/N I need you to fucking understand that I don't want you to get mad, but I can't do this, I've been thinking and I don't think this is going to work, At. All." His words broke your heart in 2 seconds.

"What was it noah? Was it the fact that we could never spend time together because you were always so fucking 'busy' with work!?! Huh? Was it because most of the fucking time I had spent trying to help you with everything but you just chose to fucking ignore me!"

"Oh now you're gonna blame it on me working my ass off on tour and bad omens because of this!?! No, you know what Y/N fuck you. You have never appreciated what I do for you and me! All you do is complain and complain like the fucking brat you are!" When he said that you felt as if you had a different person in front of you, of course you had Noah had your fights and your arguments but he would never insult you like that. that was your last straw. So you said what would hurt him most.

"Well, its not like you ever actually loved me to begin with, so I expected this from you. I hope you find someone as fucked up as you to love you properly, because apparently I never did. Bye Noah." You knew Noah loved you he always stated that, but you knew that would break his heart, you not feeling loved by him. Gently getting out of his grasp you walked to the front door and left your home.

1 month, 8 days later...

As you lay down on your bed after running some errands in the morning all you think about is the thing you've been thinking about for the past month, constantly trying to get it out of your brain. Noah. You thought of all the love, the hate, the good, the bad that happened in the span of 3 years together, but today it wasn't just thinking about him because you miss him, you had to actually see him today, at Folio's party. He had said "you don't have to go if you don't want to especially if Noah is gonna be a problem." But you had said that you wouldn't miss it for the world and decided to face your fears of seeing Noah again.

As you got ready you fixed your hair that was in a curly blowout and looked over yourself in the mirror one last time checking if you looked good with the rock-ish style makeup you were wearing. You will admit you got a little more dressed up than usual wearing, a black mini skirt and corset set, with platform leather boots and a leather jacket for the chill that was upon the month of October. No you didn't get dressed up to make Noah jealous... ok well maybe you did but who cares anyway?

Later on...

You got to the guys house approximately 10 minutes ago, the entire time you've been sitting in your car debating wether you actually want to face Noah. You were thinking of leaving and making an excuse by saying you didn't feel well to folio, well that was until he knocked on your car window. You rolled it down to reveal folio and his sheepish smile.

"Hiiiii Y/N, are you coming in anytime soon?" He said while hanging on to the car.

"Uh yeah sorry I was uh lost in thought." You said trying to make up an excuse.

You and folio walked up to the house and went inside, you saw the familiar place and you started to get a feeling of regret deep in your mind, but you also remembered all the beautiful memories you had made with the guys here.

"Y/N! Long time no fucking see huh?" You heard the stupid ass voice of Matt say. "Oh shit, hi Matt haven't seen you in a while."

"Yeah I hope we can hang out more these next couple of weeks before we go on tour!" He said, you didn't know Bad Omens were going on tour at all. But you guessed since you're not really apart of their lives anymore they wouldn't tell you.

"Oh! You guys are going on tour?"

"yeah! I thought you would've seen it on social media by now, sorry I didn't tell you." Matt said.

"No problem! Its just unexpected, you know."

You had a nice conversation with most of the guys and caught up on things you'd missed this past month everything was great, that was until the part you most dreaded of the night happened. Seeing Noah. He had came up to one of the guys and when he saw you he mirrored your position and froze, no saying anything, no moving, until he muttered a quick "hi Y/N." all you could say was "hi ba- noah. Sorry." He looked good, in his stupid shorts with the dumb white tank top you used to take off of him. you quietly cursed yourself for not having a drink before doing this so you wouldn't feel the heat that rushed into your core when you saw him lick his lips and rub his neck, so you decided to opt for the best option, leaving the party. You quickly turned to the guys to tell them "Uh I gotta go thank you guys for inviting me here, I'll see you all soon." You felt Matt gently grab your wrist and ask you "are you okay? You've only been here for 30 minutes." You tried to come up with a quick response. "Yeah I'm fine. I just gotta wake up early tomorrow, got a lot to do." You hoped this would suffice for an excuse. Fortunately it did, you managed to say your goodbyes and go to leave the house, well you thought it was great and fun until Noah ran up to you.

"Y/N!" He called after you.

"Yeah Noah?"

"Can we talk? In private?" You didn't know whether to run away or face it and actually clear things up with him.

"Um, Yeah sure" you said nodding slightly. "Um well we can go to my room, to have privacy." You felt slightly nervous as you were walking up the stairs to his room, when you walked in you thought you would feel weird since he had moved out after breaking up with you, but actually felt a sense of warmth and comfort. He motioned for you to take a seat on the bed, so you did next to him.

"Look Y/N I'm not gonna make small talk, I want to explain everything that had happened. The warm and comfort was gone, now I was just fucking overloading with nerves.

"Go ahead."

"Um okay well. The night that I had broken up with you wasn't because I didn't want to be with you, I had fucked up, big time." I knew what he was gonna say next "I miss you, I was so wrong to let you go." I wasn't gonna hear him if thats what's he was gonna say so I just said. "Look Noah if you are gonna say you miss me and want to get back together its not gonna work, I don't know why I'm wasting my time." I tried to stand up but I got pushed back down by Noah.

"Y/N can you fucking hear me out for once, please?"

"fine."

"as I was saying, I didn't break up with you because I wanted to, I broke up with you because I felt guilty."

"and by that you mean??"

"you remember that before we broke up we had gone to a bar with the guys when we were on the trip in New York three days prior?"

"Yeah I remember that, that's when you started getting distant from me."

"Um well, that day I had um, cheated on you. But not for the reasons that you think." I froze I felt like my body was alive but my soul was completely dead. Noah had cheated on me? I had to keep my cool.

"What. The. Fuck. Do you mean?"

"Let me explain. I was drunk and there was this girl, and she looked like you in my drunk eyes tiny tattoos and everything and I'm guessing she was also off the rails because she was flirting with me and she had kissed me at the bar. And you remember I disappeared for like 10 minutes? I was- I was with her in the bathroom." He said full of guilt and regret. The tears that were hidden when I heard him first talk, turned into hot fat tears running down my face as I tried to process what was going on.

"You- i- Noah why did you tell me that same day?" I said sniffling and wiping my tears. I hadn't been looking at him this entire time but when I turn, I see him biting his bottom lip with tears rolling down his cheeks as he looked at the floor.

"I was disappointed in myself and I thought that what would be best fro us was me breaking up with you. I was wrong so fucking wrong. The um, the next day me and the girl apologized to each other and she had said that she didn't know what she was doing and she wanted to apologize to you but I didn't let her.

"How the hell did you find her??"

I felt all of my emotions crash into each other and I was confused, mad, sad, but I also felt a little hope for whatever reason.

"She was staying in the same hotel as us, I ran in to her in the lobby."

"So now what? That's it, that's all you wanted to tell me?" I said wanting to desperately leave soon.

"No. Y/N I wanted to apologize and I wanted to say I fucking love you with all of my heart and soul, I would die for you. But now I fucked it up, all of this was my fault." I don't know why, but I felt bad, I knew Noah would never tolerate cheating especially because he's been cheated on many times before, but I don't know if I could forgive him.

"Noah, at this point it doesn't really matter. You fucked up. I had fucked up by not listening to you, and its over, we don't hate each other we can still be friendly but I don't really think that right now is the best moment. I thought he would understand until next thing I now he's on his knees, face buried into my chest, crying.

"Noah? Noah come here." I pulled him into me to hug him even though I should probably be the one crying, I know he's been keeping this in for a long time. He pulled away and muttered a quiet "thank you" I looked him in the eye desperately wanting to curse him out, but at the same time my body- no, my soul ached for his love and touch. As we were looking at each other lost in our eyes I just said to him.

"Noah i don't care if I regret what I'm about to do, fuck it." I crashed my lips on to his in a passionate way, tangling my hands with his short soft hair. It started as a sweet and innocent kiss, then turned into a heated hungry kiss. I lifted myself to go on his lap, and when I felt his hard, I started to grind on him without thinking.

"Fuck princess, are you sure?" Of course hearing his old pet name made you go fucking wild.

"I'm more than sure handsome."

He turned us around and started peppering kisses down my jaw, neck, and chest. I started whining which he knew was a sign that I wanted needed more.

"Angel, right now, I'm gonna worship you like you're my goddess, like your my muse. Because you're my fucking everything" he said while going to take off your skirt and corset. Once he saw that you were wearing his favorite lace set underneath his eyes went black with lust and desire for you. He took his shirt off and went down to kiss my thighs.

"Noah- fuck, more, I need mo-"

"Shhh princess, don't worry I'm gonna take care of you. So. Well."

He had been smothering me in kisses for five minutes straight. I thought it was going to keep going until I felt his finger rub the damp spot on my panties, "Fuck noah" I breathed out. His finger slowly rubbed lazy circles on the same spot until he took off my panties off and went right in, he started with giving me soft kisses at first he was being gentle, then he started sucking and licking harder, and faster, I felt like I would cum three times just because of this and he wasn't even doing much yet, and yet the first time I came on his tongue was because of that.

"Baby do you want more? You want to come on my tongue again?"

"uh huh, please noah."

"such good manners princess."

Just him saying that, made me go absolutely feral. He slipped a finger inside of me without warning, spelling his name with his tongue on me marking me as his forever, just like he promised.

"Noah, fuck, I need m- more" I said desperately wanting to be badly to body, deeply connected to him in all different forms.

"More of what angel?" He said while still pumping his finger in and out of me.

"I need you Noah, only you- Ahhhh" I felt the euphoric feeling wash over me in the moment I hit my second climax, my fingers gripped the bed sheets and my back arched as I bit my lip to the point where there was a little blood, to then which Noah licked off when he came back up and kissed me gently, I could taste myself on his lips. It felt as I was in heaven in this moment and Noah was angel, but it also felt as if this was the worst sin that I would commit, but if it was, I would sin for the rest of my life with him.

"Ahh noah?"

"yes princess?"

"I. Need. Your. Cock." I asked, I knew I sounded needy but I didn't give a fuck in the moment.

"Doll, you forgot the magic word"

"I need your cock, please Noah."

"Of course baby." He stood from the mattress and took of his shirt, then his shorts and boxers all in one, when I saw his dick I wanted to fucking jump this man, I don't know what came over me but I forgot the need to feel him inside of me and I just got on my knees on the floor and start lightly stroking him.

"Oh fuck baby what are you doing?" He asked while throwing his head back. "Giving you a little gift" I took the head of his cock in my mouth, and I started peppering kisses at first just like he did to me, then I took him entirely in my mouth, usually I would work up to it but I just needed to taste him. I bobbed my head up and down his cock, while taking with my hands what I couldn't take in my mouth. He started grabbing my head and guiding me to where he wanted me most. A sign that he was gong to release soon.

"Oh fuck- im, I'm gonna cum babe." He said, his voice a low growl. "I know baby, you can cum for me." Right as I said that he came all over my tongue and after I swallowed it I showed him my tongue so he could see. I stood up from the ground and lightly kissed him.

Later.

We cleaned up and got our clothes back on and shared a romantic kiss. *Knock knock* "Who is it?" Noah called.

"its Nicholas."

"come in" the door opened to reveal Nicholas, he looked confused on how and why you were still here.

"Y/N? I thought you had left an hour ago."

"oh uh no, me and Noah were catching up and talking but, I'm about to leave."

"ok... Well, Noah I was gonna ask if you wanted pizza since its like 11:30."

"Yeah sure man." Nicholas gave a nod and said bye to you. Noah looked at you in relief that you guys weren't caught earlier.

"Sooo." You said awkwardly. "sooo." Noah mirrored.

"You wanna get sushi with me tomorrow?" Of fucking course that's the first thing he says.

You lightly chuckled and said, "sure ba-Noah. Fuck sorry I keep saying that" you said while your cheeks flushed red.

"You don't have to apologize Y/N. Look just in warning, I'm gonna try till the day I die to get you back, but I know you won't forgive me right away, with all of my soul I'm going to make it feel like we're falling in love again. Just like the day I first laid my eyes on you." He said when he placed his hand on your thigh.

"Noah, you're already winning me back, because I will always be stupidly in love with you." You kissed him right after you said that seeing hope and love sparkle in his eyes. You didn't care how much time it took you wanted to spend eternity with Noah and even then, it wouldn't be enough. You would go through good and bad in your lives, but you would go through it together.

Forever.

AHHHHH!!!

I hope you guys liked it!

so I have some news! If you guys like this little one-shot I will start taking requests for one-shots, headcanons and blurbs every friday!! So if you like it then you can send in requests anyway and I will post different ones on Friday's!!!

-Evelyn❤

#bad omens #noah sebastian #bad omens cult #bad omens band #heavy metal #bad omens fanfiction #noahsebastian #badomens #noah sebastian x reader #fan fiction

[dekusleftsock]

Me personally, I’m a very big fan of how Horikoshi handled his themes around forgiveness. I love that he really hammers in that forgiveness is a choice that someone can or cannot make, and that neither of those decisions are necessarily “wrong” or “harmful”, that they’re just that. Choices.

And I realized just how much I enjoyed how he handles this because of these leaks. Like him choosing to never forgive Shigaraki for what he’s done, yet wanting to end the suffering as much as possible I feel really speaks to an experience I could never put into words. It’s so viscerally human to be angry, happy, sad; it’s human to forgive, it’s human to not. It’s human to empathize with someone you fundamentally feel shouldn’t be empathized for, and yet it is the single most prominent structure of ancient human societies. We live to empathize, it’s why we have a dog in our house, or we help heal a stranger back to health; and I don’t necessarily think is what “makes us human” bc I feel that excludes people who don’t (because they do exist and nothing is wrong with them for not doing so), but I think it does speak to a very common feeling. It’s normal to want revenge, or to be angry, or to not forgive, but it’s also perfectly normal to want to end the suffering from its source.

That’s also a prominent feature of the Todoroki family, and it’s also what made me so angry about the interpretations surrounding it. There’s nothing wrong with Fuyumi or Natsuo to respond differently to their shared father’s abuse, they’re normal and expected ways to handle one’s inner turmoil. There is healing in forgiving someone, that’s a perfectly truthful idea. But what’s also a way to heal is to simply not let someone matter in your life, you can simultaneously be angry for what they’ve done…and be perfectly fulfilled/healed.

Horikoshi isn’t telling you to forgive bad people, he’s telling you that there’s a reason behind every bad action, that empathy and shared humanity is the single most integral part to a healthy society.

And I love this EVEN MORE because Midoriya Izuku: Rising isn’t even about Izuku, it’s about how everyone else has brought him here, now. That we are one people, one society—Izuku may be the driving horse but he stands as a symbol of our shared humanity in this moment.

I wish I could find the officials rn but I’m gonna have to interpret this given what it is.

Ochako’s choice to “not wipe your slate clean” almost feels less like a “I can’t forgive you” and more like a “society won’t forgive you” statement.

Where Izuku’s or Natsuo’s choice to not forgive someone who has hurt them was a personal decision, this was more of a decision to empathize with Himiko, maybe even forgive her. I can’t help but notice that this was much more of a confession/declaration of affection for someone who has done bad things, than it was about forgiveness and mistakes.

It almost feels more like the bkdk apology if I’m honest. Both of which never have a “I won’t ever forgive you for this” statement, more like they avoid it in its entirety. Same with Rei and Endeavors conversations.

Because it is the victims choice to forgive or not forgive someone. They have as much a right to do so as anyone else.

I guess that’s why I always hated the whole “Izuku shouldn’t forgive Katsuki” take, it’s a very literal commentary on the very thing Horikoshi has written is wrong. It’s wrong to try to tell someone how they should or shouldn’t have reacted to something, you are taking away their integrity. To a certain extent you are infantilizing their ability to make choices for themself.

So it’s for this reason that my love for this series shoots to the sky at this “I won’t forgive you” moment. It’s like Izukus guilt has been lifted, that he has allowed himself to be angry or bitter at someone for wronging him or someone he loves. The mask has fallen, this is it; Izuku and Tenko, and he is being honest of his feelings.

That’s what I love most—the honesty, the anger, the relief, the love, and that these are his choices. No one can take that away from him. Not you, not I, not us.

#talking about nothing but what I love about this series is healing for me tbh #mha is so nice to experience when there isn’t a rat in your ear screeching about how Horikoshi wouldn’t agree w/you and how bad mha is #take this as you will 🫶🫶 #bkdk #midoriya izuku #mha deku #bkdk brainrot #bakudeku #bnha deku #mha analysis #deku midoriya #shigaraki tenko

[arainywriter]

this is going to probably be the longest post of my life, and i HATE getting into fandom discourse which is why i don't usually write anything about fandom discourse, but i just want to address some things about our favorite rat grinders so if you want to read, click below

as someone who loves the rat grinders as nuanced antagonists who are also teenagers, i think the rat grinders before they ever joined in on porter and jace's plan were assholes.

i think they were the quiet bullies, the mean people who you never notice until they are mean to you, the ones who seem nice and respectable up close, but talk shit about you the minute you're gone.

i think most of them (kipperlilly in particular) were looking for a reason to be bad. and i know we might not ever get this confirmation, but based off kipperlilly's file and other moments with the trg, i think it's possible this is correct.

they were assholes who needed a reason to be even bigger, more dangerous assholes and most of them took it. and yes, it was either that or be dead, but i want you to know that sometimes that's not even a question. sometimes you don't even care about the other option, you just want to rage.

i think the one time all of them or maybe some of them even thought that what they were doing could be was when lucy died. and that's when i feel bad for them. they had to lock in right there because they all had made a decision, and they all needed to continue it. that's the manipulation.

i know they are kids. they are just teenagers. i work with teens, and guys, let me tell you, some teenagers are assholes. and i don't mean say a funny mean joke asshole, i mean literally going to grow up and be a shitty person asshole. i think some of the rat grinders were those kind of teens.

did they deserve to be redeemed? i think some of them do. i think buddy has a big shot at being redeemed, and i genuinely hated that he died in the last stand and had to make that decision. i think ally is going to try if they can. i think mary ann might be redeemed.

but also, you guys have to remember that this is dnd. i don't think many of you have played dnd before, or if you have you're just really conscientious about everything you do. because as a dm who has played dnd and has made nuanced antagonists, your players are gonna straight up kill them.

brennan knows that. i'm 100% sure he knows that. this isn't scripted. the intrepid heroes aren't thinking about what the fans want every time they play. in dnd, ESPECIALLY in brennan's dnd, it's kill or be killed.

the rat grinder's weren't going to use non-lethal attacks. they were going to kill the bad kids, and they were going to be UNNATURALLY happy throughout it all. they were going to spit in their faces and roast marshmallows on their bodies. they were going to not feel guilty.

sound familiar?

i think the bad kids have been nice to the rat grinders since day one. not kind, nice. they've been polite and nice to them, not going all in until this fight. if this fight happened before the finale, i think the rat grinders would have had more time to be redeemed (ex. see Ragh in season 1 who def would have died in the finale battle if the bad kids hadn't fought him earlier). but the bad kids are stressed and done.

there is no time to be polite and nice when the world is going to end.

i know you liked these characters. i did too. i'm sad to see them go, but even when someone is nuanced and could be redeemed, the person they were a piece of shit to doesn't have to be the one to redeem them. they don't have to be the one to keep them alive and make sure they only get taken the police instead of dead. cause trg would have gone to jail.

aelwyn did. so would they.

people you've wronged don't owe you forgiveness or redemption. trg didn't wrong tbk that bad, but they made them angry, they tried to kill them, and they're probably almost close to ending the world.

i'll miss you rat grinders. you guys were perfect narrative foils, but it was always going to end like this.

now stop being absolute assholes to the intrepid heroes just cause they didn't play how you wanted.

love this fandom, and yeah, d20 get shit wrong sometimes. always make sure to critique your favorite piece of media.

but at the end of the day, this isn't your table to play dnd at. this is theirs and they are having fun. why don't you go and play as the rat grinders in your home game and give them the ending they deserve, or make fanfiction about it?

put your anger into that.

#dimension 20 #d20 #fantasy high #the rat grinders #i hope i was as middle ground as i could be #i was more sad about buddy dying in the last stand than i think i would be here #idk #anyway going back to only posting funny shit about d20 #SEE YOU IN THE STARS

[saintjosie]

As a performer, and someone who regularly has good things to say, how have you dealt with your singing voice? I'm nonbinary, and sometimes hate how deep my voice is because it's one of the predominant reasons people misgender me. It keeps me from singing sometimes as well, even privately to songs I've loved forever (I did perform "Under the Bridge" by RHCP at a public karaoke event last year, but I can't bring myself to watch the recording of it even though everyone applauded) I guess it's a specific kind of dysphoria?

I know when it comes to voice training you've been very vocal (pun intended) about it being a choice. And I've had some voice training but as an enby I prefer my speaking voice to be either neutral or natural. But talking and singing are kinda different, so I'm just curious to get your take on feeling more confident and less bothered singing as a trans person?

when i was a kid my dad told me i sucked at singing. he was a singer and a guitar player and i looked up to him so i internalized that deeply. but i didn’t stop singing because i just loved it. it felt good to sing. i would sing along to all the disney movies. i would sing songs at church. i was that little kid who was always humming something everywhere i went because i loved music and i loved making music. i didn’t think anyone would care to hear me sing because i had been told that my singing didn’t sound good but nothing in the world was gonna stop me from enjoying it for myself.

eventually as i got older people started telling me that i actually was pretty good at it. i didn’t necessarily believe them but i at least heard it from someone else. and then i tried recording myself singing into the shitty microphone that laptops had back in 2007. and wow, it sucked. like it reaaaaally sucked. it sucked to hear myself cause i had never heard myself recorded before. it sucked to hate what i hear and feel like maybe my dad was right the whole time. and i closed the laptop and cried and went to bed.

but then the next time i opened my laptop, the recording was still there. and i realized that i had listened through about 1/4th of it before i had lost hope and on a whim, i decided to grit my teeth and listen through the whole thing. and almost all of it still sucked. BUT. for one brief moment, for only a line or two, i heard what i wanted to hear: a voice that sounded good to my ears, recorded through the shitty microphone, played through the shitty speakers.

and from that moment on, i knew that i was going to learn to sing because nothing in my life so far had compared to how i felt hearing myself for the first time sing in the way that i wanted to.

it’s been 17 years since that happened and i haven’t stopped singing because i just fuckin love it. there’s music in my soul and it’s gonna come out whether or not i want it to and whether or not it sounds good.

“but josie, this is about your love for music not about gender” no it’s about both.

when you realized that you could express your gender in the way that you already knew you felt inside, you knew it was right and you decided you were gonna fucking do it, damn whatever people say.

and that’s the thing about dysphoria and why people have such a hard time describing it to each other. dysphoria comes from when you feel like the way your gender is perceived doesn’t line up with how you want to be perceived. when i have dysphoria, it’s not because i don’t look like a woman to the people who look at me, it’s because of how i see myself.

present your gender however you want and do it for yourself. and sing your goddamn heart out because you want to. damn whatever people say.

[sir-adamus]

i feel like digging up old news

we knew from the start that the 'rwb/y is disappointing' video was gonna be bad faith horseshit but one thing that's stuck out to me looking back on it was how he was gonna attack Barbara for telling people not to watch the show if they don't like it as his 'evidence' that the people working on the show can't take criticism, until he was told the context of it (one particular dipshit had publicly linked her and Arryn a - stolen from yet another asshole - piece of art of their characters horrifically mutilated, just to be an asshole), at which point it was removed

but that inclusion was in the script, it was recorded and in the video until the early patreon viewers provided context

now, this video took him seven months, for some reason, and clearly that seven months wasn't to do research or fact-check anything, because otherwise he would've done his due diligence in the name of being 'objective' (hah) and found the context Barb said that before including it. now to have included that, without finding out the context in the first place, means either he knew and didn't care until he realised it was common knowledge and he'd get pulled up on it and make him look bad (which are the same reasons he doesn't go after Monty in that video despite publicly hating the man less than six months before his death, or how he doesn't get on Mark Gatiss's case for his writing in the Sherlock video and only shits on Moffat. because he's more concerned with looking morally pure than being factual. dragging a dead man's name through the mud, or criticising a gay man despite that Gatiss's writing has nothing to do with that, doesn't gel with the image he's putting out, you see), or that someone must've given it to him without context, knowing he was looking for ammunition to attack the crew with and didn't care what the context was until it made him look like an asshole to do so

it was a bad faith hit-piece from the start from someone who never liked the show, holds contempt for everyone involved (and honestly from some of the things he says, fandom in general), and despite his enormous ego is an extremely bad media critic. and no matter how much he lied about it not being a hit-piece, he'd already shown his ass over it with both how he chooses to present himself and the people he works with not making any secret of hiding it

#rwb/y

[baileybeez]

My Top 10 Catradora Moments (My Opinion Obviously)

10. Adora Has Always Loved Catra

This is the moment I believe Adora firmly knows she's in love with Catra. I know she's in love with Catra beforehand but I believe this is the first time she realizes 'I'm in love with Catra'. Adora is getting ready to face an uncertain outcome with Horde Prime and she's trying to remain strong. But we can see glimpses of her looking for Catra wanting to her come back. We then see as she's heading to the Heart of Etheria, memories are being projected. The first one that comes up that really hits Adora is Catra. Catra saying her last and classic 'Hey Adora' and Adora is at first thrilled she's back. But then it changes to Catra when she was younger training in the fright zone, Catra from when she was chipped, Catra from Season 4, Catra from season's 1-3 and then current Catra. This to me screams 'Adora has always loved Catra despite all the hardships they've endured'. Even though she realizes deep down, this isn't the real Catra, she wanted to reciprocate her touch. But then the fake Catra disappears as Adora is almost off the edge.

Also this scene brought that iconic 'Somewhere Only We Know' tiktok.

9. God She's Cute When She Laughs

Everyone knows I'm a sucker for fluff so this little moment always stuck out to me. We've seen Catra blush before and she looked at Adora's New She Ra Form and was like 'Damn...she kinda bad.' But this one was so sweet and wholesome. Catra at first is annoyed cause they're teasing her about how cute her helmet is and at first you think she's gonna be defensive about it. At first she is but then she see's Adora laugh and freezes. Adora is so happy Catra is getting along with her friends and is back to the Catra she grew up with. And Catra just smiles at Adora, any frustration she had melted away.

8. Princess Prom

Ya'll this episode was the reason I gave She-Ra a shot. I saw this scene floating around online and I just had to find out what was going on. At the time, I had only recently accepted myself as sapphic and this was one of the first scenes that caught my attention during that time. There were already strong hints of Catradora later becoming a thing but this scene hit differently. We get to see the dynamic these two would have for a few more seasons. The shift between them as they become enemies while still seeing they still care for one another.

7. It's Over, He's Gone

The end moment with these two in She-Ra was fantastic. Hearing Catra's soft 'Adora' as the two smile at each other was adorable. Adora reaches out her hand to Catra and reassures her that it's over and that Horde Prime is gone. These two had gone through so much because of the Horde. And now, their foreheads touch as they're just happy they made it to their happy beginning for each other. With Catra still being snarky and saying 'Good riddance'. It's a good final moment where the two can be happy. And now this just makes me wish we got a She-Ra movie.

6. Please Just Stay

First of all, if you haven't already please read Don't Go by Nate Stevenson. It's a fanfiction he created that takes place after Save the Cat and really helps highlight this and other scenes I'm about to get into later. It's also just really good. But Catra beforehand is struggling to figure out why Adora saved her and dealing with the aftermath of what Horde Prime did to her. She and Adora just had a big fight with Adora telling Catra she never hated her. We find out later, the chip on Catra is tracking the ship they're on and they need to get it off. With Catra needing to confront Entrapta (who she also didn't end things on good terms with) and Adora. Adora tells Catra once they're done, they can drop her off and she won't have to see any of them again. We see this crumbles Catra's usual strong self as she lets herself be vulnerable for a moment. Grabbing Adora's wrist and then her hand requesting that she stays, Adora also blushes. Catra also comes up with an idea to read what Hordak's planning since their minds are connected. Catra knows Adora will continue to fight Horde Prime and knows she'll be reckless. She just asks Adora to stay with her with two two holding each other. I love this moment as we see the two work together and slowly build their bond again.

5. You Coming?

As Adora is succumbing to the virus and Catra calls out to her, we get this moment of Adora's wish. She's back home with Catra, Glimmer and Bow as they're all getting ready for Scorpia's Princess Prom. Adora wants desperately to have this future with her friends and home happy. She's slowly learning to be selfish after she's been stuck trying to give and give as She-Ra. And she wants a life with Catra, the person she's come to love and married to in this vision. Stevenson confirmed couples in Etheria have something to show they have ties to each other. Catra is wearing Adora’s wing buckle on her shirt and Adora is wearing Catra's head piece on her dress. At first, Adora is sad because part of her wants to embrace this future but doesn't think she deserves this. But seeing Catra, the person she's married to in this version ask her if she's coming with them. She can't help but want to follow her. Even when Adora was dying, all she wanted was a peaceful life with her friends and the person she loved.

4. We're Going Home

Save The Cat in general is a great episode and my personal favorite of She-Ra's. Adora manages to save Catra with the help of her friends as Catra is still unconscious from the fall and whatever Horde Prime did to her. Adora gently holds Catra and telling her she's not done yet and that they're going home. Adora's healing powers manage to work on Catra as she wakes up. She also says her classic 'Hey Adora' in a very weak voice. And Adora is so relieved that she just embraces Catra and and Catra is shocked. We see how hesitant Catra is accept Adora's embrace but eventually she does while letting out a deep breath of relief. With her purring being the last thing we hear before the episode ends. Catra purrs mostly when she's around Adora, she's always happy to be accepted by Adora. This description from Nate Stevenson also really helps sells the moment too.

'They stay that way for a long time, Catra’s face tucked into Adora’s shoulder, Adora gently cradling Catra’s head. Adora is careful not to hug Catra too hard or make her feel restrained, anticipating the moment that Catra will start to pull away — but Catra doesn’t. She hangs on so tightly it hurts, her claws digging through Adora’s jacket and into her back, latching into her like she did when she was a kitten and didn’t know how much her claws could hurt. Adora tries not to wince, tries not to move a single muscle, worried that if she does the spell will break and Catra will struggle away, appalled at having shown weakness. But Catra doesn’t let go. And so neither does Adora.'

3. I'm Not Leaving

Save the Cat and The Heart Part 2 have my favorite Catradora moments and this one is one of them. We saw how Catra came back to Adora when she needed her and almost died trying to save her. Shadow Weaver comes in though and sacrifices herself with Adora and Catra reuniting. This time it's Catra rescuing Adora and coming to her aid instead of the other way around. Adora is struggling to use the failsafe and realizes it might not work. She tells Catra to get far away from where she is and that there's no more time. Saying how she can save everyone and touches her forehead with her own. While also stating how it's okay and she's ready. It's heavily implied Adora is going to die trying to use the Failsafe and Catra stands firm on staying with Adora. Saying whatever happens she'll stay here with her. And we see that as Horde Prime's virus is trying to take control of the Heart, Catra is facing it with Adora.

2. You Matter To Me

I love the scene of Adora trying to save Catra from the chip she's being controlled under. Adora is trying desperately to bring Catra back out and trying not to hurt her despite Catra attacking Adora. Then Catra does break free from control and tells Adora she should have stayed away and asks why she came back when she doesn't matter. With Adora gently holding her face telling Catra she matters to her. This is also asked later again by Catra in Don't Go.

“Why did you come back for me?” she demands.

“I —“ Adora’s voice trails off in the silence. Catra doesn’t let go. The only sound is the soft, muffled humming of the ship’s engines as it moves through space, away from Horde Prime. “Because…” She trails off again.

What is she supposed to say?

“Because…you’re Catra,” she finishes weakly.

Because at the end of the day, Adora will always care for Catra. Then Catra get's possessed again as she walks towards the edge fighting to not be controlled by Horde Prime. Adora reminds Catra she's never listened to anyone in her life and asks if she's going to start now. Catra looks amused as she just says Adora's an idiot with Adora agreeing, tears in her eyes. Adora then says she's going to take Catra home as Catra breaks free from Horde Prime saying 'Promise?'. Adora holds out her hand saying 'I promise!'. This is obviously a parallel to when they were kids and they promised to look out for each other. It's such a heartfelt and touching scene

I Love You

'Catra she distracts you, confuses you.' - Shadow Weaver

'You Etherians are all alike. Such strong connections to one another, it's what makes you weak.' - Horde Prime

And yet their 'weakness' and 'distraction' saved the universe. The Catradora confession scene is number one as it is a finale to Catra and Adora's character arcs. Adora is dying and seemingly getting ready to accept her fate. That there won't be a happy future for her. But then she hears Catra still reaching out and calling for her to wake up. Catra hasn't given up on Adora and Adora never gave up on Catra, so she shouldn't start now.

Adora does try to reach for Catra but doesn't quite make it with her saying it's too late and that she failed. Catra reassures her that she's got Adora and won't let go. In desperation and perhaps wanting to finally tell Adora, Catra says.

'Don't you get it? I love you! I always have! So please just this once, stay!'

We hear Catra and Adora's theme Promise in the background playing this whole time which we haven't heard since the episode Promise. Last time it was Catra leaving Adora to follow her own path and Adora learning to let go of Catra. Now, it's Catra reaching out for Adora as Adora takes her hand. Adora is blushing as Catra has tears in her eyes begging for Adora to stay. Adora does wake up in awe asking if Catra loves her. Catra is blushing while smiling calling Adora an idiot. Then she looks surprised as Adora just smiles at Catra saying she loves her too. They then kiss as Adora is finally able to activate the Failsafe but the two are too busy kissing.

I also want to add in the storyboard version of this scene where Catra says 'We always said it would be you and me, together at the end. But not now, okay?'.

Honorable Mentions Down Below:

#catradora #she ra #spop #catra #adora #adora shera #wlw #sapphic #lesbian #she ra spop #catradora fanfic

[do-androids-dream-ao3acc]

Well here are two for you.

Transfer thoughts and feelings when Buck considers joining the 217.

Anchor - for dating a pilot, Buck, never seen or dated someone so ground and stable as his boyfriend.

Hellloooooo sorry for being slow, this is finally my filling of another BuckTommy prompt! Nonny, I worked with your second one here and I'm afraid that the first one is probably not gonna happen, my muse is not striking there at all. Sorry about that! 3 more prompts are gonna come, no worries.

TLDR: Another BuckTommy, this time another approach on S07e07.

Exceptional

–– I won't deny the lies and deception I've sought, I've learned, I've grown ––

"Eddie's acting weird lately," Buck says.

"Do we have to talk about Eddie now?" asks Tommy, and the question is justified.

Buck's couch is just big enough for him to lie stretched out on it, his head in Tommy's lap. They just had an excellent meal, and satiety, contentment plus a good helping of wine lulled them both into a very pleasant mood. The kind of vibe that will make more of Tommy's gentle kneading of Buck's shoulders in no time – though talking about another guy is a bit of a mood killer in the process.

However, turns out that conversations about Eddie are unavoidable if you’re with Buck. And maybe there's something to it, because he adds, "I think he lied to me."

Something in his voice seems to catch Tommy's attention, he bends over to look at Buck. Those blue eyes are mesmerizing, and Buck would be willing to forget about it, to make Eddie a problem for another day. But Tommy... he's just too observant. He knows that Buck's trust is almost boundless, and that he’s fragile, should it be shaken.

"Why would Eddie lie to you?"

Another valid question.

"Something doesn't add up," Buck begins, and because he starts gesticulating wildly, Tommy captures his hands gently and holds them tight. "Christopher says Eddie bought a scented candle. What does he need that for?"

"Maybe he likes the scent, Evan."

"He's also been really nervous lately."

"Stressful job?" offers Tommy, definitely the voice of reason.

Although the subject is effectively over – for this evening – because Buck can't resist those blue eyes or those talented hands, he can't get the matter out of his head. Tommy thinks he should just ask Eddie, but how on earth is he supposed to do that? Buck realizes that his evidence for "Eddie's been weird lately" is very thin, and buying scented candles or acting suspicious is not a crime. 

But the pieces of the puzzle are adding up, albeit very slowly. Christoper says, Eddie washes his clothes every night, yet he used to hate even his weekly washing day. Athena casually remarks that she saw Eddie's doppelganger in Silver Lake. Because it couldn't have been Eddie, he thinks Silver Lake is overly hip and expensive, and he prefers completely different restaurants than the one where Athena saw someone who looked very similar to him. Strangely similar, that's for sure. Hen says that she collided with Eddie while reloading the firetruck, and he reacted weirdly when she asked him about a key ring he accidentally dropped and she had never seen on him before. 

The incidents pile up, and the 118 begins to worry. Tommy, although permanently in Buck's thoughts, hovers on the sidelines as far as the 118 is concerned, and his and Buck’s crazy shift schedules ensure that he doesn't catch much. He is therefore totally unprepared when, after what seems like an eternity, they finally have an evening off together and he is greeted at the door by Buck with, "Eddie's cheating."

Buck, contrary to popular belief that probably only exists in his own mind, is not an idiot, and he's completely smitten with Tommy. He knows it's not the smartest (or even the most polite) move to greet his love interest with another guy's name, even before the welcoming kiss. Buck is just so distressed, it makes him jittery. And he knows that Tommy has every right to be at least surprised, but more likely annoyed.

Tommy, however, doesn't even raise his brows at this greeting, and he is neither surprised, confused, annoyed nor offended. He just enters the loft, closes the door, looks at Buck attentively, and puts a hand on his arm (all the fine hairs there rise up) saying, "You're upset, Evan." Then he gently leads him to the sofa, they sit down, and Buck thinks, yes, indeed, I am.

It's just that he didn't expect this reaction. Buck knows he's a nervous wreck when things go differently than expected. For the most part, he has himself under control, he has adapted strategies, although his therapist describes this as evasive masking. But these strategies are usually necessary, because Buck has often run into walls. He's been told he's annoying, exhausting, overreacting and a dozen other unflattering things. Never before has someone he cares so much about taken him so seriously.

Tommy just lets Buck talk. Buck gives him his spiel on everything he knows about what happened, and it’s a confusing story about an Eddie’s-dead wife-lookalike. And then he drops the bombshell, at least that's how he feels, by saying, "I did that once, Tommy."

"You dated a doppelganger?"

"I'm serious," Buck says, but he can’t really blame Tommy for seeking to lighten the mood in this absolutely muddled affair. "I cheated."

He doesn’t elaborate, because this is nothing he likes to think back on. None of his best moments, definitely. And what kind of confession is that anyway? Is this something you tell someone you've only been out with a few times, had a few nice (hot) nights with? Rather, is this something you tell someone you care so much about? But maybe just then, Buck thinks. Maybe just then.

"You're scared," Tommy says, and it hits Buck to the core.

There's an icy knot in his stomach since Eddie told him the truth, and it finally has a name. The nervousness, his restlessness, all that shrinks into a single feeling, even if it doesn't make it any easier. Fear doesn't disappear just because it's recognized.

"Evan," Tommy says, and the care in his voice almost melts Buck, "I'm not afraid you'll cheat."

Buck takes a breath, but the words that were already on the tip of his tongue have suddenly vanished. That’s a strange thing to say, isn’t it? Just now, Buck’s confessed he cheated on a former lover, and most people would probably have replied reflexively that he had nothing to fear, that they would never do that to him. Even though it was him who cheated.

"How can you be so sure?" Buck returns, and strangely enough, he’s almost angry.

Because, let's break it down, Buck, when it comes down to it, the people he cares about will not want him, and they’ll leave. And if they don't, then he will leave; save himself the pain, because there has already been enough of that. He already knows what they will say, how they will react, doesn't he? Only... it’s different, it’s so different with Tommy.

Eyes as blue as a mountain lake, muscles saying don't mess with me, gentle words yet pithy charisma: inwardly and outwardly, Tommy is quite contradictory. But an enigma he’s not. A rock, Buck thinks, yes. That's what he is.

"I'm sure," Tommy replies with a confident smile, "because you want me as much as I want you."

Buck falls apart in the most pleasant way. Because that’s true. In all this mess, that is perhaps the only truth. Yes, Eddie lied, yes, the man cheated on his girlfriend, and yes, the parallels are scary because it's clear Eddie is shying away from a relationship. Eddie doesn't fall in love half as fast as Buck does, and he has certain morals and standards, and he has Christopher; all of that makes the affair seem so scary.

But Buck finally realizes that this can be solved. Eddie isn't just his friend, he's family, because family isn't what you're born into. Family can be a group of people who trust each other, and you don’t leave them alone, you take care of them and pounce on problems together.

And what is Tommy in all this?

Tommy with his loving gaze, his hand resting on Buck's arm, his thoughts only on Buck. Tommy, who doesn’t think he’s a nuisance because he’s talking about Eddie; he thinks Buck cares, and that’s valuable.

Tommy, somehow, is all of this and way more. For a pilot, Buck has never seen anybody so grounded, so stable as his boyfriend. Above all, he has never experienced anyone bring him down to earth so quickly, so easily and with such an inimitable look. His fear hasn't completely disappeared, perhaps that's quite impossible, but it's buried far, far down in a heap of thoughts that now revolve mainly around Tommy. He doesn't deserve the man at all. But he doesn’t voice this thought, because he allows himself a little selfishness. After all, Buck was struck by lightning and came back to life, only to be struck a second time. By Tommy.

"That's right," he says quietly, and then, as if it were a very sudden, very exhilarating realization, he repeats it, louder. "It's true. I want you."

Lock, stock and barrel, he thinks, and now his boyfriend finally gets what he deserves: all of Buck’s attention, all his care and affection.

Oh, and a kiss.

#writing #fanfiction #my fics #BuckTommy #Buck x Tommy #Buck/Tommy #9-1-1 #9-1-1 abc #9-1-1 fanfiction #Tommy x Buck #firepilot #tevan #evan buckley #tommy kinard

[woneuntonzz]

greatest comedian ≈ s.es, o.str

popularguy!eunseok x afab!reader x bestfriend!shotaro

“god must be the greatest comedian I know.”

contains: angst, fluff, comfort, cursing, pining (ig), mentions of alcohol, slightly suggestive jokes, humor (lmao)

wordcount: 10.8k

a/n: i'm back :0 (kinda) i'm gonna try and get to my asks soon pls wait for me :<

songfic inspired by:

“You’re funny!”

He’s heard it countless times. And he truly was. Truly, he was a delight to be around. He reveled in the laughter and amusement of others. Your image of him was no different from everyone else’s. You’ve always thought he was funny. But somehow he’s never made you laugh. Well, all he’s ever done is bring your self-doubts to afloat, and served a great part in creating this big barricade in your academic life that you’ve been trying to get through for over a year now. 

“You still like that guy? For real?” you breathe out a chuckle to your friend’s query, in harmony with the sounds of the keyboard’s clicks as you make yourself busy.

“Yes, Natty.” your voice was soft as you replied and as you did you felt Natty’s hand landing calmly on your shoulder. 

“Ever thought of confessing?” —I have, I do all the time— you say to yourself. “I mean, who knows, he might like you too.”

You almost guffawed, but Natty would only lay her head on your shoulder and she’d snap her head up at you when you answered, “On another universe, maybe. I don’t exist in his little theater show.”

“What a way to refer to someone’s blooming social life.” you darted your eyes at Natty’s poking, turning the both of you into a bundle of laughter. 

If only he could hear the melody that sounded from your lips. “Why’d you say it like I don’t have a social life?”  

“Miss Y/n, I did not say that at all. You’re delusional!” your friend gave you a light push, your arms crossing on top of one another on your chest. 

“I am not delusional!” you kept the kid in your tone whilst appearing offended. 

In fact, you truly weren’t. While as a youngin you’d hope every coincidence bore meanings, you grew up to face reality, though not accepting it entirely. A part of you hoped there was a small spark that went off every time you met his gaze, that he was just as withdrawn with you as you were with him because he was shy, that he only pretended to not care about you because he liked you too. But a view of him from afar —how his life was a movie in itself— told you you’d be nothing more but a mere extra in the extravagance of his daily proceedings. 

So when prom came around, while everyone else scurried around to find their dates, you just stood still —more accurately, sat and waited for anything interesting to happen in your life— and watched the pretty girls being picked out by men of all kinds like flowers on a nice green field. You just hated that by the end of prom night, this nice field of tamed green grass will turn into a rowdy, muddy mess stepped on by those men —if you could even call them that. The view wasn’t as sweet to you like how everyone else saw it, but perhaps it was because you were bitter. 

“Aren’t you excited for prom night? I heard Jacob will DJ this year, I bet it’s gonna be awesome.” you shrugged at your friend, unsure if you were even gonna go to prom. 

“I bet you’ll have loads of fun.” your friend was quick to pick up on your masked expression, much to your surprise.

“Hmm, is this about…” he looks you right in the eyes,“Bingo! code Eun—”

“Shh!” you bit your lip after shushing him, containing the laugh that threatened to escape from you. “Keep it down!”

“Oh, sorry.” a jesting evil chuckle was evoked from him making your face scrunch up. He laughs at you and motions like he’s about to pinch your face. “But, hear me out. Why don’t you ask him out?”

You sighed as an array of reasons popped up in your head. “Even if I had the courage to do that did you really think he’d say yes? To me?” your friend snorted at your tone, and again, looks you right in the eyes. 

“Why not?” you raised your brows as a way of asking him if he was being serious, “Look, just being for real here, you’re pretty enough to overthrow those ‘popular girls’, your cute, your talented, your actually interesting —I mean what’s there not to like?”

You gave yourself a second to think and your eyes followed the lines separating each tile on the floor, and from the distance you saw him. You were in the cafeteria, and for some reason not with Natty. Some guy named Eric had asked her to meet him in some classroom, you’ve heard from some of his friends that he was asking Natty out to prom and planned a surprise. Meanwhile your dream date was sat five tables away from where you were. Laughter filled the table he and his friends occupied. He must be so funny then.

“Y/n?” Your friend’s voice was all it took for you to avert your eyes from Eunseok. “It’s kinda rude to just stare at your crush and daydream mid conversation, just so you know.”

You can’t help but laugh, at your friend’s jovial banter and at yourself for being so pathetic. “Sorry, Sho.”

“I was kidding, it’s totally fine Miss scared-of-confrontations.” you playfully rolled your eyes at him. 

“I’m not scared of confrontations.” but his words took you a step back and you thought maybe you truly were scared of confrontations. 

“Yeah? prove it! prove it! prove it!” and he kept repeating it like a kid and you had to shush him again. “Ask him out!”

“Shotaro, I've never wanted to punch someone this bad in my life before, just stop.” and he just laughs at you again. You look to your side, and coincidentally right into his eyes. It would’ve been the highlight for your day, the best day of your week —your life even— if not for the flowers he held in his hand. And no, they weren’t for you. You thought they could never be for you. He held them in his hands whilst he wore that grin that drew everybody in his presence. You looked away, not wanting to see the events waiting to unfold before you. 

“Let’s go, Sho.” you took hold of Shotaro’s wrist, dragging him out of the cafeteria with you. Once you were out of the bustling atmosphere, you started sprinting, still not letting go of your friend.

“Where are we going?” and then suddenly you stopped. 

You could see Natty holding hands with Eric from the other end of the hallway, and some of Eric’s friends tagging along from behind. 

“Oh, so that’s where Natty’s been. No wonder.” you hear Shotaro utter quietly from behind you. 

“Yeah. No wonder.” your lips spread to a small smile, seeing how happy Natty actually is. You just hope Eric isn’t just another guy.

“Hey, Y/n, why’d you pull me out of the cafeteria? I was trying to skin the fried tofu with my tee—”

“Sorry, I just didn’t want to see it —them, I mean.” your friend just stared at you, confused, and it showed on his face. A soft, but bitter laugh came out of your mouth. You figured Shotaro might’ve not seen what you saw, or maybe he didn’t care. “‘You-know-who’ was gonna ask some lucky girl to prom.”

“Really? Lucky?” he promptly shakes his head, and now you’re confused. “I don’t even know why I asked —anyways, I saw Mr.’Funny-Guy’ holding a bouquet. You know, for a second I thought you became Flash and just gave him those and asked him out to prom at ten times speed.” you laugh, and in all honesty just wanting to look past everything you saw, and everything that might’ve or did happen after the two of you ran off.

“Yeah. Very lucky.” Shotaro shook his head again, keeping his eyes on the smile that he could recognize from all the times you have found yourself on a disappointing stand. 

“I’m sorry to say this, but, Eunseok isn’t all that. You can have fun without him. You have Natty —or maybe not her because she’s probably gonna spend time with that guy— me! you have me! and Minji, though I’ve heard someone had asked her out, that's probably why she’s not around right now…”

With pursed lips and crossed arms, you searched for the sense in his words, and when you had found it he was already looking back at you. Tilting your head to the side, you hum, a nod following shortly after. Shotaro was once again confused. 

“Shotaro, how do you feel about going to prom with me?” you almost guffawed when he shrugged.

“Well, my plan was to just stick by you the whole night so we could have fun, so, technically…” he was suddenly stuck. “We’re best friends and all…”

“Yeah, but like, I’m actually asking you to be my date. Since we’re best friends and all.” you mimicked the tone that displaced his playful one when he spoke earlier. He scrunches his nose at you as some sort of counter-attack. 

“Okay. That’s great.” he mirrors your pose and crosses his arms as well, and you both tilt your head at the same time —and it was soon followed by laughter.

Osaki Shotaro is probably the third funniest person I know, or, should he be second? —you jot down on your notes app. You now lay on your bed, just a few nights away from prom. Your notes app became a little get away for you as it was easier to type than to write things down. You swear that the world will burn once someone has seen the things you’ve very diligently typed in the app. It was your safe space, locked away from everyone. Even from Natty. Even from Shotaro. I wonder what I should wear. I wonder what he’s gonna wear, what his date would wear. She for sure said yes. Who wouldn’t? I would, a hundred percent. I’m gonna have to make sure we don’t wear the same dress, not even the same color. What’s a rare color? —your thoughts were a river with no end. It just flowed, especially when you lay alone in your room paying mind to nothing with being in such a secluded and quiet place. You were there, the cold air against your exposed skin, but you would feel nothing of it. You were deep within the depths of your perception. You itched to know. Who was the girl? —and if you were being honest, you missed any signs of him being infatuated with someone else. Who am I kidding? It couldn’t be me.

For the days that followed, you kept your mind on what to wear. Of course, not without crossing paths with Song Eunseok. He seemed his usual self —if not happier. You refuse to see it that way, to accept that whoever she might be, she’s making him twice the smiley guy he is. You’d reunite with Natty and Minji eventually. They asked if you were attending prom night because they’ve heard of the news. It had seemed as if everyone saw it coming. Maybe they are a match. Maybe they just look that good together. Maybe they’re made for each other. 

“Maybe he just asked out a friend, you know, for a friendly date of sorts. Like you and Taro!” as sweet as Natty could be, you just truly wanted to avoid conversations regarding you-know-who. You’d just smile, not sparing her a look.

It was your way of telling people to stop talking about something that upset you, and Shotaro noticed right away even though you were late to catch up on your sides pressed against each other when he scoots closer. “Natty’s right.” he was regretful of that reply, so he’d quickly avert from the topic of you-know-who. “By the way Y/n, what are you gonna wear? the color and stuff, we can match.” your head snaps up, being reminded you should’ve been getting ideas for your outfit instead of being dazed over a boy that has never even bothered to acknowledge your presence. 

“I don’t know yet. I don’t have ideas right now. Do you?” you finally look over to Shotaro, and for a second you’d jolt seeing the tip of your nose and his only a little over an inch from touching. 

He backed away almost instantly with a swift reply of, “I don’t have any either. I mean, it’d be fine by me to take charge if we didn’t have to follow an attire.”

Smack. Timely, you both gasped hearing such a loud sound coming from one of your friend —Minji, who was looking a little more enthusiastic than usual. “I have an idea. Let’s all shop together. Natty and I can work on both of you.”

Natty’s beam infected you when you looked over at her because you knew they got your backs. And that was one thing off your checklist of worries. Only a few hundred more to tick. 

“My mom said she wanted to help you get ready for prom night.” —and with a few flips of a textbook you were already off and walking back home with Shotaro, like usual.

“Really? I mean, I suppose it’d be easier if I was there, then you wouldn’t have to pick me up.” you reply with a slight pout, giving his offer —or rather his mother’s— serious consideration.

“I mean, it could be that or you join us for dinner tonight. I kind of figured Auntie would prefer it if she was the one who helped you, you’re her daughter after all, aren’t you?” your hand came to catch the laughter from your lips as he spoke. A laugh, and a sneeze, to which Shotaro responds with, “Ew.”

“Don’t ‘ew’ me!” his giggles slid through your ears, filling it up with his sweet melody. “Ew.” and of course you had to bite back. 

“What? 'ew' what?” and he kept giggling.

You could only chuckle to yourself, biting down on your bottom lip. “Nothing” you breathe out. 

It couldn’t be just nothing. Or at least he hoped. And so like every rational and mature man, he snatched the hairpin that held your poorly cut bangs from your face and ran. He was lucky it sled off easily. You chased him whilst calling out for his name, threatening him with actions you would never do. You could never. All while he giggled to himself like a little boy. 

♪ ♪ ♪

[A week ago…]

Everyone tends to only consider what’s on the surface of the water, unknowing of the storm that lies underneath the seas.

“What about Shotaro?” “Forget him.”

No apparent aggression, but betrayal could be sensed with the constant fall of his intonation as he continued to speak, “He chose her over us.” and his breath falls along with his hands that got done with smoothing out the wrinkles on his uniform.

“I mean, you would too. Isn’t that why you two got into a fight?” he shrugged at his friend.

And then laughed.

“What’s so funny?” The friend had furrowed eyebrows as he inspected the demeanor of the man before him.

“He’s talking to her everyday now. Me on the other hand?” he looks to his left, the body-length mirror of his room. “I’m so close, yet so far. I don’t even think I amuse her.”

“Why not? you’re Song Eunseok, the funny —and insanely hot guy, come on now.” 

“Yeah. That’s the problem. Funny, insanely… hot?” 

The two laughed in chorus. 

“What’s the point of being so admired by so many people if the one I’ve been admiring doesn’t even give a flying fuck?” Eunseok shook his head as he spoke, facing his mirror and checking his reflection. “If anything she probably hates —no, not hate, but she doesn’t like me. For sure.” he straightens the collar of his shirt. 

“The popular guy stigma.” he laughs at his friend’s sigh, and he replies,

“It’s true for some people. I could see why she might think I’m like them.” he smiled but his movements would be a complete contrast to it as he kept fixing nothing and dusting off nothing on his uniform. “Say we weren’t friends, and you’re a transferee, how would you see me?” he turns around to face his friend who was flummoxed with his sudden question. 

“Well, I’m an extrovert myself, so I’d probably ask you to hang out first and foremost. You’re fine as hell, you’re quite the character.” Eunseok’s eyes traveled to the ground after hearing his friend’s response. He couldn’t quite tell if it was genuine or was just a guise to amuse him. This friend was not like the ones he once had in his life. Not like Shotaro. Not like you. 

“Character?” Eunseok chuckled to himself. “I wonder if this… character was why we grew apart.” 

“You and Shotaro?”

“Yes, and no.” Eunseok’s heavy sigh almost startled the other boy. “I’m talking about the girl.” a silent ‘oh’ was exuded from the boy’s mouth as he watched the other who moved to take a seat next to him. “I don’t get how moving schools cut our ties. Shotaro and I were still friends after I moved. I mean, we were neighbors. But still. Did she really not care about me?” 

“Probably. Girls do that, don’t they?” Eunseok laughed again, with knitted brows this time.

“No. We’ll never know.” he says, running his tongue over his top lip before he continued, “We’re a bunch of dicks. How would we know?”

And they guffawed. 

“Just ask her out to prom. Before Shotaro does.” Eunseok nods at his friend. “I bet you fifty bucks you can get her to say yes empty handed.”

“Dude, it’s not in me to not give her anything.” 

[Present Day]

If I can make you laugh, you’re going to prom with me.

It would’ve been raining diamonds if he was able to carry out his plan. He would make her laugh then she’s all his for prom night, and hopefully for the days that follow. 

But now he stood —oddly quiet— with his friends in a corner shop near school buying whatever shit they had to buy. “Hey nice guy! What's up? Is your mouth glued shut? stapled?” 

One of his friends had laid their arm over his shoulders, tightening his hold when Eunseok didn’t answer immediately. “I’m fine. I think the store ran out of condoms.” the other snorts at his answer, a poor attempt at a joke.

“Do virgins eat condoms?” a loud ‘tsk’ would follow after, “If you’re getting fucked it’s by something up there in your cranium. Tell me.”

Eunseok sighed as he mustered up the guts to tell. “I didn’t get the girl.”  

Surprised, and quite perplexed, his friend removed his arm from him to look him in the eyes saying, “What do you mean? I thought Gaeul said yes?”

“It was never Gaeul.”

“Then who?”

“You.” Eunseok grabs his friend's face, pretending to pull him in for a kiss. His friend —like every straight man— would counteract his actions. 

“Ew dude, I’m not fucking gay, for the last time!”

“It’s always been you.”

Eunseok would let go of his friend hearing another one of their friends approaching as she laughed. “Hi nice guy!”

“And hi to you too, Miss Korea.” the girl giggles at Eunseok’s reply. 

“Is it true? You and Heeseung have been sleeping together?” Eunseok smirked, hearing the girl’s jesting.

“What?” Before Heeseung could speak again, Eunseok butts in with a quip. 

“Oh, yes! But he hides it, he must be ashamed of me —ashamed of loving me!” dramatic, and exaggerated, still it was one for the titters.

“I hate you, Yuna. Have a nice fucking day.” and Heeseung walks out whilst the two continue laughing amongst themselves. 

The cackles died down once the two were left alone as their friends continued to roam the shop.

“Hey, not to be nosy or anything, but did you seriously not mean to ask Gaeul? sorry I just heard —I promise I wasn’t actively listening in.” Yuna even waved her hands in front of her face to dismiss any misinterpretations. 

And with a small smile, Eunseok breathes in to reply to her. “It’s okay. We weren’t exactly being discreet about it at all.” his eyes shifted along the shelves that sandwiched the two of them. “But yeah. I asked Gaeul because, I don’t know, why not?” 

Yuna nods at a broken pace for a couple of seconds as she tries to understand, getting caught up in some holes as she went through what he told her one more time before asking, “So, then, who were you meant to ask?”

“Doesn’t matter. She’s got a date already anyways. I got a date, she got a date, you got a date, everyone gets a date. It’s gonna be fun.” he displays a wide smile, but it was almost robotic in a way that made Yuna huff trying to get over how ridiculous he looked at the moment. “Do you mind me asking about your date Miss Korea?” 

“Well, I was hoping this guy would ask me. But I don’t think he had me in mind at all. But yeah, I’m going with Sungchan, you're going with Gaeul, we all have dates. Let’s be happy.” Eunseok chuckled at the way her voice imitated his in some way. 

“Yeah. Let’s be happy.”

♪ ♪ ♪

It’s been an hour or two of Natty and Minji flitting around the boutique to find you and Shotaro some nice outfits for prom night. The theme? “Retro romance.”

“It’s fun but I feel like there could be better themes. There’d be dozens of polkadot skirts, I can already see it.” Natty mumbles in between picking out a few dresses for you to try on. She holds out a shirt dress, yellow with hints of white in a gingham pattern. “This is pretty retro, right? we could pair it with a belt and a skimmer hat with a purple ribbon.” Natty scans the piece of clothing, moving closer to you and holding it out next to your figure. 

Your head snaps instantly when you hear an utterance next to you, “It looks cute.” Shotaro was a bit taken aback with how all three of you stopped just to look at him just because of his short little comment.

Minji approached, coming from a section of the boutique just a little farther from where the three of you were. She came walking with a few items at hand. It was a plain long sleeve shirt, white, a plaid suit vest —in the same color as the dress Natty held—, and some flared trousers in a darker shade of yellow, just a little muted. 

“Oh my god, oh my god, you guys need to get into the fitting rooms right now!” you giggled at the way Natty gushed and rushed to get you and Shotaro on your feet. 

Her giggles were all it took for you and Shotaro to speed to the fitting rooms. Once the dress went over your head and the skirt settled against your bare legs, your hands traced the shape of your waist seeing how perfectly the dress fits and hugs your body. You loved how the color complemented your skin. Like a perfect painting, freshly polished. You walked out of the fitting room, eyes glued to the flow of the skirt. Once your feet have crossed the line that separated the fitting room from the rest of the boutique, your eyes land on the floor. Your lone feet were now joined by another pair dressed in white Nike air force 1s.

Looking up to your right, smiling eyes greet your own. “Sho, you look dapper!” your exclaim lifted the corners of his mouth to their highest point. 

“Wait till I get my hair done.” he says with his chest up and then playfully biting his lower lip. 

You laugh at his face, slightly shoving him from where he stood with a light push. He —very gently— bumps his shoulder onto yours, causing you to tilt a tad. With a little chortle, you tell him, “You don’t really need to get it done. It looks good the way it is.” as you ruffle his hair.

He lets out a giggle, so soft and gleeful. “Whatever you say, pretty.”

Walking back to your friends, from a distance, their eyes welcomed the two of you. Their compliments almost fell from the end of their tongues. A gasp leaped over Natty’s words, her hand rushing to catch her breath. “You look cute together!” and you almost gagged from all the cooing. As opposed to you, Shotaro just smiled, his eyes were smiling too. Smiling at you. It wasn’t anything out of the ordinary —you’d convince yourself. But your cognition went offbeat when you met his eyes, and yours would hastily look around for something, anything to subside the feeling that was simmering from within you. 

You were thankful that Minji made her comment before anyone noticed. “You look like twin bananas.” your face would scrunch up, and she’d slightly repel, speaking again, “I was trying to say the colors looked cute!” you hear Shotaro’s giggle again. Instinctively, you peered at him. Your best friend.

He used to be your best friend too. 

“Y/n?” 

You shook your head, your lips forming the best smile you could pull out of your blues. You raised your brows at your best friend who had called you out of your thoughts. “I like these outfits. Let’s get them, yeah?”

“Yeah. I like them too.” he nods along with his words. “Told you you’d look great in anything!” he gently nudges at you when he spews the acclaim.

Just days before he assured you that finding a decent outfit would be no problem, emphasizing that “you already look good with just our school uniform on.” —you’d dispense a hearty cackle, though, you knew he must’ve been sincere with it all, you only intended to humor the situation. All for the sake of not having to foster thoughts about everything he’s said to and done for you for the past two weeks after the ‘you-know-who incident’. 

All the while ‘you-know-who’ feigned folly. It was the only way he could ever allow himself to overlook the facts that unfolded from across the street in front of him. The fact that her happiness radiated in high magnitudes. The fact that she laughed with someone else, wore stupid banana-colored matching outfits with someone else —that she laughed with that guy as if he was the greatest comedian she knew. It was the fact that she was happier without him, and that he could never make her laugh like whilst she held on her tummy as her face formed creases of joy. She was only on her way out when he saw her. It’s the happiest he’s ever seen her. No matter how much he loathed the cause of your glee, seeing her smile, grin and giggle made him float to the skies. He daydreamed about what it could sound like, her laughter. Must be delightful with how tightly the other guy had clutched onto her hand. Eunseok looked away before he could fall any deeper. He crossed the road, and her too. He caught a whiff of her almond saffron perfume, and he fished for her gaze only to be met with the eyes he despised the most. “Osaki Shotaro pisses me off.”

Eunseok was now in a cafe to meet up with Gaeul for the first time ever since asking her out to prom —impulsively. She was yet to arrive, so he got on the phone with his dear friend Yeonjun. “We know, we know. But if you’re that competitive why don’t you make moves huh?” Eunseok breathes out a scoff after hearing Yeonjun’s taunting.

“If you knew me at all, you know i’m all but competitive.” Eunseok kept his gaze on the bell above the door, any moment from then it could sound Gaeul’s arrival, not that it was enough for him to pay mind to. 

“Yeah, you’re all that, aren’t you?” Yeonjun tittered from the other line. He calmed himself down at an instant when he realized that Eunseok was shut quiet. “You know, Sungchan told me something about his sister, Y/n.” Eunseok had parted his lips, but was unable to utter his next words —those which he had trouble finding— so Yeonjun spoke again, “He said she liked one of her best friends back then. It could be you or Shotaro, but what if it’s been you all along?”

Foot tapping at a pained tempo, Eunseok almost choked holding back a guffaw. “Me? Was I the one she’s been hanging out with? was I the one by her side when her dog died? or when she received such a shitty exchange gift when she had spent loads of time and money for her gift?” Eunseok swore he could see Yeonjun with pursed lips. 

The bell sounded just as Yeonjun replied, “It’s not entirely impossible—” *phone beeps* Eunseok ends the phone when Gaeul greets him with heart eyes. Like every girl would. 

It didn’t make sense to Eunseok. Every other girl liked him, stared at him for too long sometimes. You were —in his world— every girl. You were the girl that laughed at him when he skinned his knee while he raced against the wind with his bicycle. You were the girl that gave him your frosted animal crackers when he left his lunch box at home. You were the girl that hid her face when she cried after he had told her that he was moving away with his family. You were the girl that pretended not to recognize him at the themepark when he came around to visit again. You were the girl who continued to shun him everyday now that you were in the same highschool. You were all that —and more— to him. You were every girl in his life, in his story, in the little sit-com he lived in.

“So, what do you plan on taking for college?” he stared at the girl who queried him, though it was not clear to her —nor to himself what exactly he was staring for, or at rather. 

Eunseok clears his throat, digging around in his mind for the answer, “I plan to take a b-a —uh, public relations.” he chuckled seeing how she fought the grimace from spreading throughout her face. “Sorry if i’m not the computer science or architecture typa guy.”

Gaeul quickly wards off any misunderstandings by hastily shaking her head as she utters, “Sorry, I just haven’t heard that from anyone before. In fact, I'm quite unfamiliar with it.” he leisurely nods, his teeth subtly digging into his bottom lip at the last rise of his head. “Would you mind explaining it to me? your career path and all.”

He raised his brows, a low chuckle, barely audible, was trapped behind his pressed lips. “No, not at all.” maybe, just maybe, he could get his head out of the past, the memories of you. You. Maybe after he’s gotten to know this girl that actually acknowledged his presence and seemed to be genuinely curious to seek for what’s beyond his social persona. The talk was definitely long enough for their lava-hot coffee cups to run cold. And surprisingly for him, there was more gained than said.

♪ ♪ ♪ 

Prom night came around, but before it did you made sure to avoid crossing paths with him, or taking turns at the wrong corners and run into him and Gaeul —again. You were never able to be verbal with how grateful you were that Shotaro had been sticking to you ever since you’ve gone to the boutique. His puns and your exchanged banters drew your attention away from Eunseok. 

At prom night, Shotaro picked you up with his dad’s car. You scrambled around looking for your purse when you saw him from outside your living room window. He leaned his back against the driver’s seat door, waiting and anxiously fiddling with his fingers. You released a deep exhale once you were faced with your front door. Shotaro stared at the door mat, and when he saw that bright yellow skirt flowing with the cold wind of the night, he gazed up. His eyes lit up as if they had sparklers in them. He had seen you in this dress before —at the boutique, but somehow the atmosphere and the anticipation of taking your hand in his and dancing with you on the dance floor all night made him feel like it was his first time ever trying to catch your eyes behind that beige skimmer hat you wore. 

With only a few five steps distancing the two of you, you greet him. “Hi.”

“Hello.” after a minute of —unnecessary— loud silence, you both burst out laughing. “I’m Shotaro, and this pretty girl’s name would be?...”

Your hands settled on your waist, tilting your head —and finally locking your eyes with his. Your lips would curve into a small smile, giving into his little roleplay. “The name's Y/n.” you hold your hand out for a handshake, and you receive it in no time.

“Well, good eve Miss Y/n. It’s my first time seeing you around here, perhaps you’re from out of town?” you suppress your giggle, lips pursed as you composed yourself.

“I could say the same about you.” he chuckles at you, eyes all smiley, like always.

“It doesn’t have to matter pretty, would you dance with me tonight?” he asks with raised brows, and a voice silk like whiskey. 

Though his voice caused a short stagnation with your breathing, you cleared your throat, hoping that would ease the one-sided tension. Then suddenly, you gasped, “And for you to expect me to go out with a stranger? how bold!” and very dramatically too.

His eyes dilated, again, laughing against his lips. He gradually pulled his occupied hands from behind his back at the same pace at which he spoke. “Maybe, a little gift would change your mind?” and by then, a bouquet of chocolates —your favorite kind— was being waved, just slightly, right in front of you. 

“What? I thought you were saving up? those are expensive!” a hefty load of air went through your nose, taking in the sweet scents of cocoa and sugar.

“Not really expensive, just pricey—”

“Same thing!” Shotaro’s chest was struck by your gentle hand, and he’d hold it there. Your palm was pressed against his heartbeat. You kept your eyes on your hand as you felt for the thumps on his chest. It was paced and certainly not calm. “Sho… you okay?”

With your gaze up at him and a flick of your lashes, his hand found its way on top of yours. And for a while, he’d clasp onto your hand, his grip growing tighter with every count of a second. He gently guides your hand off his chest, lowering it on level with your waist. “I’m taking that as a yes, pretty.” he utters softly as he guides you to the passenger seat of the car. 

Once you were seated, you stared straight ahead, not minding Shotaro who went around again to get into the driver’s seat. You anxiously fiddled with the fabric of your skirt, and once you heard the driver’s seat door close, you patted down the cloth and smoothened it with your hands. 

“Are you okay Y/n?” the boy beside you asks, and you —obviously— had thoughts running in your head by the looks of your eyes alone. 

“Yeah, it’s just…” you were quite embarrassed to admit, “I don’t get why I’m like this either, but…” but it’s nothing Shotaro hadn’t heard from you, right? “I don’t know if I’ll enjoy it if I saw him there with another girl. I’m sorry, Sho.”

You watched as Shotaro’s hands took grasp of the wheel, his thumb grazing against the leather ever so slightly. “Prom is not about Song Eunseok. We can very much enjoy it without seeing him at all. How about we just pretend he doesn’t exist for the night? how’s that sound?” He was calm, and so sweet sounding. He held out his hand with his palm facing the sky, offering to ease your worries. 

You took this offer, just for the sake of feeling better and getting your mind off of who wasn’t there for you, and who hasn’t been for eight years. “Thank you, Sho.”

Now his thumb grazed over the skin of your hand. “Anytime. You know I love you, right?” 

“I know, you’ve been telling me that since we were kids.” you giggled at each other, before the engine started and you were both off to prom night.

♪ ♪ ♪

For most of the night, you stuck by Shotaro —as promised— and you two danced, even though you were quite the dancer yourself, he urged you to join him. It was fun, even more so for him. He was so kind to you tonight, so gentle. Well, he’s Shotaro, and he’s made you smile, giggle, titter with his little jokes, his compliments, his smile. 

“Thank you for tonight.” you were sitting at an empty table. You had laid your head on your date’s shoulder as your eyes wandered around the scattered bunch of attendees dancing the night away.

Prom king and queen were to be announced after the current song, you heard from one of the other attendees. “Thanks to you too. I had loads of fun.” the back of his hand gently bumps against yours. You caught the signal, placing your hand on top of his palm. He closes in on your hand, and opens it again, then closes, and opens again, “Look, it’s an alligator.” he giggles right into your ear, continuing the closing and opening motion as he brings your entwined hands to your face. 

“Sho!” you breathe out as a laugh follows shortly. “Hate to break it to you, but that’s not what an alligator looks like.”

“Oh, okay then.” he removed his hand from underneath yours, and soon your palms touched each other. You very carefully lift your head from his shoulder, and your eyes land on his face, observing the way his nose scrunched up when he started playing with your hands. “How about this?” he lifts your hands to your face again, showing the little alligator he had created with your joint hands. 

And then your eyes meet. Your smile was so soft, as well as your eyes. He thought he was going to melt into a puddle. He just hoped nothing would ruin this serene view. You’re so delicate and beautiful. The night went exactly like how he planned —for the most part. You two were all smiles and laughs when your sides were pressed against each other or when your hands were connected. But one instance of you separating to get drinks for both you and him, he wasn’t expecting you to come back with tears brimming at the corners of your eyes. It was his instinct to always be there for you, and so he rushed to take you in his arms. It hurt him that you weakly tried to fight off his embrace, but then you broke into a sob and meekly laid your weight onto him. His hand encloses yours as he takes you back to the car. He thought about driving you home, so you can rest and feel better. But he took a turn away from where you lived.

“Where are we going, Sho?” your dainty voice pricked his heart.

“Just, somewhere.” 

He didn't let go of your hand till he took you home, but until then, you both sat by the riverside with juice boxes and convenience store sandwiches. 

“What’s wrong with me? he doesn’t even care about me, or you —at least not anymore.” you munched on the cold sandwich salted with your own tears as you spoke. 

“Well, at least he doesn’t hate us, right? and look, I’m pretty sure if you asked him for help, or a favor or something, he won’t refuse.” Shotaro had his eyes on you only, even if he had asked you to take a breather and watch the river flow. He sighs softly, seeing your gloomy eyes blinked continuously to fight off the tears. “Friends grow apart, it really isn’t his fault he found friends he enjoyed being around with more than—”

“More than us. Yeah, I get it.” a bitter laugh escaped your lips, and you gulped as a single tear trickled down to the side of your face. 

Shotaro was quick to not let it run down to your neck, wiping it off with a gentle touch to your face. You took a hold of his wrist, calmy removing his hand from your face and moving it to let it settle on his lap, but before you could let go of him, he brought your hand back in his with one swift motion. Your eyes grew wider than before, blinking a few more times as you held eye contact. 

“Can I ask for a favor?” you blinked one more time at his question. 

“Yes Sho.”

“I know you like Eunseok —still, and I know you don’t have it in you to just forget him, especially when we used to be the best of friends.” 

You took a stuttered breath, eyeing Shotaro’s fingers as he drew shapes on your hand. 

“But please, forget him.” and another stuttered breath. “It doesn’t have to be now —what I’m trying to say is, if he managed to stop looking out for you, I won’t. No matter what happens.” your eyes soften, keeping it locked with his. “Even if you say no to my favor.”

You raised your brows, visibly confused. “Isn’t the favor to forget about him?”

You felt his grip on your hand tighten, and you could see the movement in his throat as he gulped. 

“Y/n, can I court you?”

♪ ♪ ♪

[Earlier that night…]

“And now, for prom king…”

It was undoubtedly,

“Song Eunseok!”

Great. Just great. Eunseok badly wanted to just drown in the crowds of people, but instead he allowed himself to be pushed onstage by his friends. And there he stood, next to the prom queen —thankfully, it was Yuna, and not just some other girl. The girl seemed to be ecstatic, giving Eunseok a high-five. Still, after being crowned and a brief photoshoot session, he hurried back to his date who wore rosey cheeks and a shy smile. 

“Hi prom king.” She greets him as he gets closer.

Once he was right in front of her, she wrapped her arms around her neck. He wasn’t surprised, not until she got on her tiptoes to place her lips on his. Just for a short while. 

“I like you, Eunseok.” he blinked once, biting onto his bottom lip.

He couldn’t quite figure out what it was, but suddenly his head was brought up —just above Gaeul’s head— where from a distance, he spotted you. Looking so sweet, so flawless in that yellow shirt dress. He loved how you just walked around with that smile he’d always daydream about. In those five seconds of him marveling in the sight of you, he never realized you were looking right at him, then at the shorter girl in front of him. And with a blink of an eye, you were gone. 

“Eunseok?” he cleared his throat, finally looking back at Gaeul. 

He ponders for a while, and he looks up again. Then he meets another pair of eyes. It belonged to the arms that held you that night as you sobbed. 

“I like you too.”

It was all too late, wasn’t it? There was no way Shotaro hadn’t already planned to ask you out after tonight. Right?

[Two weeks later…]

“How’s it with Gaeul?” Eunseok shook his head at his friend’s query, almost laughing at the tone of his question. 

“We’re fine, Chenle.” he replies with a slight sigh, which only drove his friend to question him more. 

“Yeah, yeah. But, are you really over… you know.” Chenle brought his eyes to the side.

Eunseok knew better than to look at where his friend’s eyes laid on, instead he’d just answer him, “I’m not. But it wouldn’t hurt to try. Besides, doesn’t she look happier?” 

“She does.” he almost broke into a pit of laughter with how fast Chenle responded to his words. 

“She really does.” Eunseok would repeat to himself, only very subtly looking over at your direction.

So close, yet so far. And now, completely out of reach. He watched from the other end of the hallway as you unload your locker, and right next to you was Shotaro who held everything you took out of it, filling his hands. After closing your locker, you’d take half of what he held. Then you laughed. To this day Eunseok was still curious. Did your laugh sound any different after eight years?

“Bro, don’t you think you’ve been looking for too long?” 

Eunseok finally parts his eyes from your sight, looking back at his friend with the smile he always wore around school, the one that no one could ever really tell whether it’s superficial or genuine.  

“What do you mean? It’s only been eight minutes.”

And eight years. 

♪ ♪ ♪

Highschool went by like a fly, so irritating that it lingered for a while. But you were happy that even though you’ve taken a dozen bites, you were still able to be the luckiest of the lucky. Especially with him by your side. Maybe it was too early to speak on things, but you are in your second year of college now, and he’s never stopped looking out for you. So you did the same for him. 

“Hey Sho?” you spoke into your phone after the ringing stopped. 

“Hi Y/n! sorry I can’t join you for lunch, but for dinner we’ll definitely—” he was cut off by your soft chuckle, finding himself freezing up for a second.

“I know Sho, you told me last night. So that’s why—” you took the steps up to his department’s building, stopping by the glass doors. “I’m here to drop off your lunch.”

“Lunch? Wait, I’m running down right now!”

“Entrance two.”

“Entrance two, got it —what did you get?”

“I cooked!”

“You cooked? holy shit, okay.”

You purse your lips as you suppress your laughter, and within under a minute, you see him running from the inside towards the transparent doors. He rushed out of the doors, greeting you with a hug. You were both giggling against each other. 

“Sho!” you almost dropped the lunch bag when he spun you once. 

His eyes smiled at you —like always— once he’s let go of you. You wore a wide smile, biting your lip as you extended your arm to give him the lunch bag. “This is way better than take out.”

You chortle and shake your head. “How would you know? you haven’t even tasted it yet!”

“I’ve tasted your ramen!”

“Instant ramen doesn’t count!” 

You wished you could just bask in each other’s little banters and laughs, but eventually he had to go back to finish what he was working on. 

“Natty will join us for dinner, she and Eric had another fight.” you tell him as you fixed his collar a bit. 

“Again? What's going on with Eric?” you shrugged at him, finally smoothing out his shirt. 

“Nobody knows.”

You understood why people fought, that sometimes, even the smallest things on the surface could indeed be plunged deeper than the depths of the oceans. Now all you could hope is for the couple to reconcile. You knew them both well enough by now to tell that both of them mean well at the end of the day and in some way are just trying to protect each other. 

That’s why at dinner, you were all eyes and ears for Natty as she went on with the details of how everything went down, and you held her hand seeing that it was difficult for her to let it all out. By the end of the day, she’d thank you and Shotaro, and the two of you would be left in the confines of your apartment complex. The talk lasted for longer than what you’d expect —not that you mind— and when you looked out the window, the sky was black and blank. The street lamps were all lit, coloring the streets amidst the darkness. You breathe in once, turning around, only to be met with Shotaro who was getting ready to go home. From what you can recall, he wasn’t gonna be busy for a while. 

“Sho?” his head snaps up from his shoelaces that he was only getting started to tie back up. He hummed you a reply, smiling so dearly and letting his eyebrows rise a tad. “Can I ask you a favor?”

He was a bit taken aback at your question, but he could never say no. “Yeah, of course! "What is it, pretty?”

That feeling you felt back at that old boutique was coming back to you, and in its fullest form. No longer something you would ward off and ignore, but something you wanted to accept and embrace. You thought maybe you were somewhat a bit standoffish, not being able to see through your best friend’s compliments and cute little nicknames —not to mention everything he’s done for you. You thought it was kind of funny. Then, it only took you eight seconds to spot Eunseok within a crowd, but it took you eight years to realize that your bestest friend of all saw you more than a best friend. Funny how you’ve kept Eunseok name at the top of your ‘funniest people I know’ list when no one had ever made you laugh as much as Shotaro did. You made a mental note to yourself to edit that later on, but for now,

“Stay for tonight. It’s quite late.” you glanced over to your wall clock. “A quarter till twelve.”

His eyes shifted around for a while, like he was looking for his answer around the space of your home. “If it’s fine with you, I would —but really, I can go home just fine. I can call you while I walk home.”

You chuckled, taking in his wide open eyes and slightly parted lips. You subtly chew on your bottom lip for a second before telling him, “I want you to stay, Sho.” 

He was a frozen stick of butter by the time those words left your mouth. And he’d let himself melt when you came close to remove his scarf off of him. He removes his shoes, then his coat. And for a while you both stood in front of your door, just staring at each other before laughing at each other's faces —with no particular reason. He takes both of your hands, keeping them warm with his own. 

“Now, about the favor…” your eyes shy away from him as he tilts his head.

He fishes for your eyes, asking, “Wasn’t this the favor?” a soft giggle escapes his mouth just as he finishes speaking. 

You can’t help but giggle too. This time you look him right in the eyes. “Sho, we’ve been best friends for fourteen years.” he gulped at your words, feeling a little nervous with the way you spoke. “And you’ve been courting me for two years.”

“And a half.” he sheepishly adds. 

You breathe out a laugh, “And a half.” you mumble as you intertwine your fingers with his. “I think we should stop being best friends.”

You can’t help but laugh at the way his face contorts at what you said. “Wait, what?” “Wait, what I’m trying to say is…” you both utter at the same time, still being mindful of your volume —you had neighbors after all. 

“Can I be your girlfriend already?” 

You were smothered with a hug, tiny pecks and his sweet giggles. The next thing you know, you were laying on your bed, all cuddled up against each other. He caresses your hair, something he’s always wanted to do. 

“You know we can be together and be best friends at the same time, right?” he whispered to your ear, holding you closer to him. 

You only hummed a reply to him, feeling too tired to open your eyes or speak up. You’d hear one last giggle and feel strands of your hair being moved out from your face before you drifted to sleep. 

♪ ♪ ♪

[Eight months later…]

It was a busy day. You were lined up to seize an opportunity of a lifetime, and you haven’t even graduated college. You were hopeful that they might consider your talents. A wise man by the name of Shotaro once said, “Fashion design is your thing, you can do it! I bet twenty.” you really hope you’d lose that twenty bucks. 

“Y/n?” you were spooked for a second, it’s a familiar voice. “Hi!” and a very familiar face.

“Gaeul?” your eyes dilated at the sight of her. 

She’s just as pretty as the last time you saw her. “Long time no see!” she opened her arms, inviting you in for a small hug, which you accepted gleefully. “How have you been?”

That single question brought you to lunch with her, and of course you had to bring Shotaro along. 

“I’ve always thought you two looked cute together, I’m glad to see the both of you happy.” she gives both of you a soft smile. 

“Thanks, well, how about you? still with Eunseok?” you quietly gasp, stilling yourself in your seat but still knitting your brows at your boyfriend. 

You felt that neither of you were really in the place to ask about her love life. “No, it’s okay!” Gaeul’s assurance helped calm your nerves. “I’m single.”

The two of you just nod, and you found that it was best to not pay much mind to it anymore. You engaged in constant conversation throughout your whole time eating, it was all very wholesome, and you were happy that Gaeul was making steps to achieving her dreams just like you were. The talk about relationships seemed to have sinked, well, not until Shotaro had to excuse himself in the bathroom.

“We were never together —at least it didn’t feel like it.” Gaeul’s utterance caught you off guard. You fell silent all of a sudden, and she noticed. “It never felt real. I cut ties with him after three weeks. And then he told me that—” she flicked her tongue over her top lip for a short while, “He liked you.” 

You took a second to take a sip of water, gulping like you were drinking thick sand.  

Despite parting with smiley farewells, her words dropped a heavy load on you. You carried it till you got back to your apartment and got settled on your bed. It was so heavy that you dropped it all on him, at a seemingly random moment. 

“She said he had a picture of me from our 8th grade yearbook in his pocket.” 

What you had shared with Shotaro struck him like livid thunder. He didn’t expect that Eunseok’s feelings for you would persist. He just wondered if it’s still there. But he could only hope for the best. Even after the whole conflict of two best friends liking the same girl —who also happened to be their best friend too— Shotaro still cared for Eunseok, even if he seemed entirely indifferent to him.

But it didn’t have to matter anymore. You chose him. He’s the one in your home, on your bed, always by your side, never to leave you.

♪ ♪ ♪

[Eight years later…]

What was once a small, dull colored room with faulty curtains and ugly flooring became a shared bedroom, in your shared house with the love of your life. Where the sunshine seeps at dawn, and the moon peeks at your dreaming bodies at night. It felt wonderful. Love felt so wonderful. Shortly after moving in together, you adopted a dog. You didn’t get that opportunity with that one clothing line back then, but now, you owned a line of your own. Your life couldn’t be anymore complete. 

Even if it wasn’t perfect. The flaws only proved your happiness to be real. After a night of too much alcohol at your highschool reunion, Shotaro would tell you exactly why he stopped talking to Eunseok. He cried about it all, saying that he knew all along that you two liked each other. But you were all over it now, and it was Shotaro who’s been by your side. Not everyone was able to attend that reunion —because apparently they were too successful to be there.

Yuna, you knew she was a friend of Eunseok. She approached the two of you at your table, greeting the both of you with a warm smile. “My boyfriend’s having a stand-up show this saturday, I was hoping the two of you could come. In fact, he wanted me to invite you guys.” then you were given two tickets for the venue. 

There weren’t any other details, the ticket was white, with not much but the title of the show. 

The next morning, you’d discuss it with Shotaro on the dinner table. You were sitting next to each other, his arm wrapped around your waist and his head resting on top of yours. “The time is pretty tricky, I have work scheduled at that time.” he plants a kiss on your temple before continuing to speak, “You should definitely go though! I’ll pick you up after, then —remember that dog cafe I told you about? we have to visit it after.” 

You giggled, looking up at him. He couldn’t resist by then, and would lower himself a bit to kiss you. And it wasn't a short one, more like a twenty-minute film. Nonetheless, it was beautiful, and you’ve never felt so loved. 

That Saturday, you went to the venue alone, but not without having the sweetest breakfast of your life with your lover. Pancakes with chocolate syrup, whipped cream and a few berries, and of course, a cup of coffee before proceeding to your own schedules for the day. 

You took the bus on the way there since Shotaro had to leave earlier. The show was a little later in the afternoon. 

When you got there, you looked for any familiar faces, but it was only when you got seated that Yuna came and sat down next to you. You two greet each other with inviting smiles, and a few minutes before the show starts, you’d converse and catch up a bit, after all, it’s been eight years.

“Gentlemen.” a voice echoed throughout the room. 

When you looked up at the stadium, “Gentlemen, may I have your attention —and ladies, I know I already got you.” 

What a surprise. And it was a pleasant one at that. He fits this line of profession. He seemed to enjoy being up there, talking and joking about whatever. It was just like meeting him all over again. He’s just being himself up there. Your best friend from childhood, that sadly didn’t even make it till middle school. Now, you were finally able to laugh at his jests, sometimes stopping for a while to process what he was saying. Still, the atmosphere was light and fun. The audience was truly alive, and so were you. 

At one point, he started talking about his girlfriend. Not quite hard for you to figure out since you remember Yuna mentioning at your reunion party that you were being invited to this show by her boyfriend, Song Eunseok.

“So, I finally decided to do something about it. I bought one of those electric blankets. Problem solved, right? Wrong. Now, our bed is divided like the Korean Demilitarized Zone. She’s over there toasty warm, and I’m on my side sweating like a marathon runner in a sauna. But you know what? I wouldn't trade her for anything. Because at the end of the day, it just gives me another reason to hold her close and keep her warm. And that, my friends, is how you win brownie points with your girlfriend.”

You can’t help but share a laugh with Yuna, letting her hold on to your shoulder as she titters. 

Eunseok saw you, how could he not when you were sitting next to his girlfriend. He was only a bit curious about Shotaro’s absence.

You’d explain it to him at the end of the show, “Sho’s got work, but he’s coming to pick me up.” you both stood just outside the venue, at the side of the building with a little less people going around.

“Sho? What happened to Taro?” Eunseok raised a single brow, and you’d chuckle. 

“Because you used to call him Taro.” you reply with a slight smile.

“Right.” he nods, his pace decreasing gradually as he tries to reach for something at the back of his tongue, “I’m just curious, did you actually hate me back then? like, when I moved and stuff.”

You chuckle a little louder, leaving him puzzled. “I liked you. I just avoided you. I just thought you didn’t care anymore.” you answer so simply, shrugging towards the end of your sentence.

“I thought you hated me, that’s why I wasn’t talking to you.” you took a sharp breath through your nose when he finished speaking. 

Then suddenly you both snort at the whole thing.

“It’s funny.”

“It really is.”

As your laughter died down, he’d clear his throat to ask you, “So, are you and Taro married?” you could see his eyes locked on the ring on your finger. 

“Engaged.” you nod, and he imitates your action. 

“Wow. I should propose to Yuna right now.” your eyes widened an inch, he could be joking, but you wouldn’t be surprised if he actually did. Besides, you could tell how much he loved his girlfriend just by that one ment he did earlier at the show.

“So suddenly?”

“Yeah, so then we’d be even!” 

It reminded you of a time in your childhood where you’d share your food with him because he forgot his lunchbox. You usually gave him more food, just cause you could, but then he’d give some back to you and he’d say, “Now we’re even.” it pulled on your heartstrings, but now you kinda wish you gave him just a piece or two of your animal crackers —and maybe two sips of your apple juice when the weather’s nice. 

“I’m afraid I'd scare her off and she’d say no.” 

“Really?” —you truly were a bit shocked that he was worried about being rejected. “Well, I believe she’ll say yes.”

“Really?” he imitates you again —the tone of your voice, “What makes you think that?”

You gave yourself a few seconds to think about what you were gonna answer to him. Suddenly you remember what you’ve written in your notes app. The funniest people I know. 1. Osaki Shotaro, 2. My dad, 3. Natty… he was off the list, but now, maybe it was for good reason. He was always known for being funny, now he has built a career out of it. Maybe, he was the greatest comedian of all. 

“You might just be the greatest comedian I know.” 

He laughs at your declaration of his greatness with his hands in his pocket, “I’m probably the only comedian you know.” —and more laughter.

He appreciated that you thought he was the greatest comedian. But as he looked back on the past, a past that was once painful, full of regret and missed opportunities, where you missed each other and realized only later in life. That period of your life would still prove to be pivotal. Right person, wrong time? maybe, but what else could it be other than silly memories when you find yourselves laughing about it. You’ve already settled for a love that you both deserve, a love that mended your hearts. It was all for the better, no matter how downcast all of it may seem. Worth a laugh, and a good story. 

The story started with oblivion, and a bouquet of flowers you never received, but it ends with two pairs of engagement rings, and two pairs of smiling hearts. That’s four people —in case you missed it. 

God did a great job writing their fate. And to Eunseok, God is the greatest comedian of all.

End.

cheers to a hundred peeps!! :3

#riize #briize #riize fanfic #riize au #riize x reader #riize fluff #riize angst #riize shotaro #shotaro #osaki shotaro #riize eunseok #song eunseok #eunseok

[rubenhopclap]

i hate to bug you with even more asks about this last stretch of junior year but all your posts and responses to it have been very interesting!

i just want to add to the discussion that how this turns out is partly just brennan's dm style, he's very much one to pivot based on his party's expectations and stories they want. this is a positive and it works well for their group but it leads to occasional discrepancies

fantasy high itself has 'frat bro' helio, not at all supported by what was actually shown in his freshman year appearance but his portrayal in later seasons changes to match this. even porter as a villain is this, in a meta sense, meta wise he absolutely was not planned to be villainous until sophmore year (brennan even saying he changed this in response to emily)

that's what makes ratgrinders discourse tough, they're going to be as 'redeemable' as the bad kids/intrepid heroes do or do not want them to be.

the only thing i'm worried about is the the train of friendly NPCs who will not take their friends' deaths well. you've already mentioned henry, but if they DO revive lucy i think she'd realistically have pretty complicated feelings about being saved but her whole friend group being dead (feelings that likely won't be confronted or could be brushed aside for a feel-good ending)

DnD inherently works on player and protagonist centric morality and fantasy high villains as a whole kinda pull back the curtain on that

Happy to be a chill space for people to share their thoughts!

You're absolutely right about Brennan letting his players take the lead like that. And as he said in the recent AP, not even just adapting to their wishes, but extrapolating on their bits to use against them.

But there is also the stuff that he did decide previously and we do or don't see it, based on the players. I've seen people say that Ragh didn't have anything sympathetic planned until the BKs chose to revive him, but - unless that's confirmed somewhere - rewatching his intro where he's like "idk it just makes me So mad when people mess with you man". I feel like the story was there. But if they hadn't revive him, we just wouldn't know.

In Neverafter, I think he said the fairies were supposed to be a faction that they could reasonably choose to support?

Either way, the players may not be the final word on whether a character is redeemable, but they certainly get to decide whether anyone is redeemed.

I'm kind of in a weird place as far as the discourse on that goes.

Because like, I'm gonna wail and gnash my teeth when anything happens to Ruben. Because that's what I do when a character death or something fucked up really hits in scripted media, like books or whatever. And it's tasty, I love it, I love to suffer. I'm not blaming any real people for doing it (although sadly I must name Fig's crimes when I name crimes committed against him and I don't want people telling me I'm not allowed to have fun that way because It's Not That Serious). That's called having a blorbo.

Stepping back from that though, I genuinely care more, for example, that Ruben got rescued from Wanda Childa bit hell than whether he got sent to an actual hell, in itself. Between what actually happened, and a hypothetical world, where he was redeemed by his eyes turning into hearts and his tongue hanging out and floating over to the BK's side, transported by her scent... I mean I pick what actually happened. Thank god.

But to your point... yeah it does make the characters left over a concern. We've never met Lucy, so... I suppose there's a way to make her such a complicated woman. But it would feel cheap if Henry's nephew suddenly wasn't a priority, when that's one of the few things we've had about him.

I do feel like Brennan hasn't really been doing anything like that this season though. Like Ruben isn't in love with Wanda enough to not fight her. Plying Mary Ann with plushies doesn't work. Because those things just wouldnt work, regardless of if the BKs want them to, or understand why they won't.

So I'm not like... worried. But if I had to pick my least favorite things to happen that technically could happen. yeah, it's on the list.

#if simulacra theory is real just to take Ruben-with-a-life-of-his-own away from me.. put it back i dont want it #fantasy high #fantasy high junior year #fhjy spoilers #discourse containment #i dont think anyone is wrong for enjoying differently than me or having a different relationship to the discourse than me obviously #i rb a lot of stuff that is not exactly how i feel about it but i think it's interesting anyway #and if i dont rb it i still mostly think it's interesting. im sure there's much wilder stuff out there that i just havent seen

[lysergicdaydreamm]

The rant post 5 whole people asked me to make

I have recently gotten into I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream by Harlan Ellison. Before I begin the rant let me get a few things out of the way:

I do not own the game. I never will own the game. I am about half way through watching a playthrough of people playing the game. I have read the short story twice now. I did not know that the short story existed until I was halfway through watching the game play through. I will not be finishing the play through.

Fantastic. Rant post starts now.

The IHNMAIMS game fucking sucks in comparison to the short story. Obviously this is not the worlds hottest take I made a poll a while back and like 60 something percent of the people that voted agree that the story is better than the game. In this post I want to break down why I personally think this. If you want to add your reasoning feel free to reblog but since I don’t want to argue with strangers on the internet I will not be arguing with you all.

1. The differences in characters.

In the game some of the characters are so drastically different in the worst ways possible. It is hard for me to genuinely resonate with Ted in the game (as I did watch his section of the game) meanwhile in the story I GENUINELY felt horrible for him. Benny is reduced to little more then ‘haha cannibalism’ and also just NOT bringing up that he was gay even though it is directly mentioned in the story. While I’m talking about Benny literally why was AM so goofy in that section of the game? Im not even gonna TALK about Nimdok because what the fuck happened there?Point is the characters were changed DRASTICALLY for the game.

2. THE STORY ITSELF IS SO DIFFERENT????

Genuinely a ihnmaims game where we actually follow the plot of the story would be so so cool. Playing from Ted’s pov would be incredibly interesting and the ending would be gut wrenching, but instead we got whatever the fuck this is?

3. The artstyle.

Maybe just a personal note for me tbh, I usually adore pixel art and such but the artstyle for the game is heinous. Which is a real crime in a point and click game where you have no choice but to look at it constantly.

That’s all I have for now I’m tired but I hate the game please if you want to get into ihnmaims PLEASE PLEASE read the short story or if you’re not fond of reading there’s like a comic dub up on YouTube that is basically the short story verbatim and it has a VERY nice artstyle

#ihnmaims short story #ihnmaims game #ihnmaims #i have no mouth and i must scream #harlan ellison #short story #rant post #shitty rant #don’t judge me too harsh I put very little effort into this

[uncanny-tranny]

Blessing of the knitter/crocheter: may your hands never have cuts, bruising, sores, hangnails, or any other nuisance that would make your craft painful. May your hands and wrists never ache 🪷💛

#art #knitting #crochet #i just figured out that the reason i feel like my yarn is burning me is because i have a cut right where my yarn goes #AND it's on the knuckle. this is so fucked up.... #hate and sadness on planet earth #and yet i have still crocheted my rows. i get knocked down but i get up again. you're never gonna keep me down #that cat meme of that song has stayed in my head since i first saw it. i think it's saved my life actually #also this blessing goes double if you have a disability especially of the hands 💛🪷💛

[eclaire-went-bam]

something really funny to me about my mom really thinking i wanted to become a therapist because i'm taking psychology & have like 2-3 psych books

i would genuinely be The Worst therapist i simply wouldn't be able to care about any of my patients . i would believe i am better than my patients . it would be a circus .

#cluster b #npd #bpd #i just have a special interest in psychiatry. sociology mostly. i'm Only in this class for the sociology #even then i disagree with a lot of things in psychiatry #have been dealing with mental health systems since i was 9 and all it has done is make me absolutely despise it all #i get the feeling she thinks i'm a “i'm so inspired by the treatment i've recieved that i'm gonna pursue this career path!!” on the contrary #i feel like if i became a therapist it'd be a moral failing on my end because of how much i've hated this system #if i became a therapist i would hate every minute of it for numerous different reasons #it's saying a lot to say ive never once considered becoming a therapist when i consider everything else from animation to archaeology #also when i say i have “low empathy” i don't mean “oh i can feel empathy in multiple situations it's just a very minor amount” i mean #that it's rare for me to have empathy. i cannot even reliably experience empathy with my ep or fp and when i do it's usually very minor #i'd be better suited as a brain surgeon before being in charge of somebody's mental health 💀💀💀

[thejabberwockk]

The petitions have gotta stop.

EA literally doesn’t care. Do you know how much pushback and complaints they get about how Sims4 is handled? A lot; nothing has changed and that is one of their biggest titles.

Seriously, I’m no fan of McGee, but let the man mourn in peace. All of this hashtag save alice stuff just feels a little naive and maybe even a bit selfish.

It’s done. It’s over. EA holds the keys and isn’t giving them up. They will not sell, they will not fund. McGee is contracted to not make another Alice inspired project. He’s dead, Jim.

I get it, I’ve been an Alice fan since I was seven, before I even really knew what I was absorbing. She’s the reason I started dying my hair red (she was a redhead in the first game), I’ve gotten so much creative enrgy and inspiration from the game. I’m planning on legally changing my name to Alice some day. I get it. She’ll always have a place in my heart.

Hold EA responsible, send the emails, boycott if you want, but be realistic, and be compassionate to her dev team. McGee’s had enough; don’t beat a dead horse.

I think it would be far more productive to have conversations about creators having to sell the figurative soul of their projects to have a chance at making them, or the predatory behavior of big publishing companies like EA and the negative effects that has on gaming as a creative medium, or even making unions more accessable to protect devs and their teams when publishing companies demand crunch time or full rights to projects.

We can’t save Alice, but having these conversations can maybe save someone else’s project.

#alice madness returns #american mcgee's alice #like th reason i'm not devastated is because i knew alice asylum was never gonna get off the ground and i never wanted it to #i don't like mcgee i would have hated to see what his shit politics would have done to alice's story #so for me #this is a bit of a blessing because it means i get to keep alice from madness returns #but i think some people could benefit from centering themselves a lil less on this one

[stinkrascal]

oh jeez i could say so much right now but i wont. i'll be nice

#i am not surprised at all that they would say shit about cluster b disorders. that person has genuinely always been so strange 😭 #she had the longest one-sided feud with me where she was literally making up reasons to hate me #let me clarify that we never had a conversation. the most we talked was through tumblr comments on our ts4 posts #but she vagued me for MONTHS. like she would comment on my posts and then immediately make a post within seconds like #'ew you guys i just talked to the mutual i hate. i need to go wash my hands now 🤮' #the weirdest shit????? like lady i do not know you i've literally never talked to you #at least now i know why she randomly hated me. it was bc i have bpd ❤ #sorry ik i said i wasn't gonna say anything but well i lied #i have bpd i think im allowed to be mad <3

[uranium-city]

guys i really hate to say it but Abe's kind of been the highlight of the last two episodes for me & feels most in character to his S1 counterpart when compared to the other main characters 😭

ALSO him & Joan had more genuine chemistry in the one hospital scene than JFK & Joan have had all season & as a member of the JoanFK nation i am frustrated

#also why has his relationship with cleo not been mentioned once this season at all #i'm assuming they just?? broke up off screen?? but you're telling me Cleo wouldn't flip over her nerdy unpopular bf leaving her for JOAN?? #there's so much story potential there do the writers just hate Cleo or something why is she getting sidelined so hard #like is this just never gonna be addressed it was such a huge plot point in season 1 i feel like i'm going mad #& also for clarification i'm not trying to act like Abe & Joan's first scene at the hospital was inherently romantic in anyway all Im sayin #is that the two actually had a genuinely sweet & heartfelt one on one moment where Joan & JFK have pretty much just been “haha sex” “hahaha #open mouth kissing haha" & surface level cutesy flirting this entire season 😭. Like the reason i liked S1 JoanFK so much was because of the #genuinely heartfelt moment they had at the end of the season like where is that why has their relationship been watered down to #open mouth kissing & “look at how perfect & cute & happy they are hahaa they also make out a lot” it feels so forced imo 😭 #also also does anyone else feel like JFK has been pretty out of character this season #sorry if it seems like I'm being unfair I'm only being so harsh because I really really like this show & I want S2 to live up the the #original so bad & I KNOW it has the potential to do so. it's just a lot of decisions being made so far... I'm not really a fan #clone high