#it took her i think 14 years to get a diagnosis

[mandos-mind-trick]

I'm forever grateful for this fandom

I've been meaning to post something like this for a while. I debated doing it during my next follower milestone (which is very close) but today just felt right.

I've been in a funky place these last few weeks due to a lot of things going on, and this time of year is always a struggle for me. I'm feeling better now, putting aside how today makes me feel, and some things have happened that are going to continue to make things improve slowly but surely.

Today marks twelve years since my mom's death. She died of colon cancer, which the diagnosis for came on rather suddenly and traumatically (that's a story in itself) and she fought for two years before finally succumbing to it on August 14, 2011. I was only 15 when it happened, sitting across the room from her when she took her last breath.

She and I were very close. I was a surprise child, born about 20 years after my siblings so I was raised as an only child. My mom was everything to me since my dad took on the more stereotypical gender role of working all day. (I was close with my dad but not nearly like I was with my mom.) My mom was the glue that held our family together and her getting sick and then ultimately passing really took its toll on my family, and me.

My mom was the one that introduced me to Star Wars. She loved the movies. She went and saw the original trilogy when they came out in theaters, and she instilled that love into my siblings and I. I still remember the day when she finally let me watch The Phantom Menace. I think it sticks out to me because if you had known her, you wouldn't have thought Star Wars would be something she was into. We went and saw the two remaining prequel trilogy movies when they came out in theaters and even the Clone Wars movie (the last one to come out before she got sick) and it was just so special that we shared this thing as a family that we all loved.

I didn't watch Star Wars for ten years after she died.

I rebuked anything and everything that had to do with Star Wars. Every new movie, every new show that came out, all I could think was how much she would have loved it (even the sequel trilogy.) I tried so hard to hate Star Wars because every time I saw anything related to it, it just brought up all those horrible feelings. The pain and grief of losing my mom and in a way I felt like I was betraying her because she'll never get to watch Star Wars again.

I don't really know what changed my mind. I honestly couldn't tell you what switched, what caused me to risk dipping my toe back into the world of Star Wars. Maybe it was all the Baby Yoda memes.

I decided early last year that I was going to watch The Mandalorian. It felt like a safe place to start since there were no emotions attached to it like other things. Also, I've been in love with Pedro since Game of Thrones so that also helped. Watching it, it didn't really feel like Star Wars, but at the same time, it reignited the feelings I used to get watching it with my mom. It took me a long time to watch the first two seasons (the only two that were out a that time) but I'm glad I did it. I went back after I finished those and rewatched the prequels and decided I was going to watch the Clone Wars show. I never really got into it when it was on TV, since I was reaching that stage of pubescence where I was trying to distance myself from anything that felt too childish.

Well, long story short, here I am now. The Mandalorian helped me ease myself back into the world of Star Wars, and the Clone Wars dunked me in head first.

I still think about it, I still think about her when I watch things. It's less painful now and more bittersweet. There's a sense of melancholy underneath everything that just kind of sits there. It never goes away, but sometimes it gets buried enough I don't feel it.

I certainly don't regret coming back to Star Wars. I certainly don't regret getting involved in the fandom side of things. When I decided to watch Star Wars again, I was sort of flailing between fandoms. That awkward spot when you leave one and have to find something else to occupy your every waking (and sleeping) moment. I had just left Marvel due to a toxic friendship (that's a whole other thing in itself) and had briefly jumped into Kpop (I still love Kpop but yikes at the fandom side.) I needed something and Star Wars decided to be that thing.

I didn't plan on getting so involved with the clones. I originally started this blog as a Mando blog (hence the name) and my first Star Wars fics were Mando fics. A lot of them have never seen the light of day and probably won't and that's okay. I hadn't realized, even when I first started getting into the fandom, that there was such a community centered around the clones. I remember when the Clone Wars movie came out, I desperately searched for any fics related to the clones, and there was nothing. So to return fourteen years after searching to find an entire fandom based around the clones...it was a bit unbelievable.

I'm so glad I found this place and eventually became active within it. Y'all have helped me more than I can ever say. I went from debating quitting writing entirely to enjoying it again. I'm writing like I did seven/eight years ago. It no longer feels forced, like I'm forcing myself to write so I don't lose my ability. I like what I'm writing. I'm proud of it. Y'all have helped me get over the impostor syndrome, the hatred I used to have for my writing. I can look at my works and feel confident in them because I know that they're good and I believe that they're good. That confidence and positivity has translated into other areas of my life. I still struggle sometimes, I still question myself, but it's never to the end of "I should quit because this is utter garbage" anymore. (When I say my writing is trash now, it's coming from a joking place, not a serious one.)

A lot of that growth has come from me and the work I've been doing, but you all have had a hand in it. I'm so grateful for all of you, from the silent readers to the dedicated commenters. You've helped me in so many ways. I'm not going anywhere, no matter how bad things get. I may have to take breaks but I'll always come back here because I have a reason to. You're stuck with me for the long haul.

I'm so glad I found my love of Star Wars again. I'm so glad I decided to engage in this fandom space. You're all so special to me and I love each and every one of you and I am so thankful for you. I can only continue to repay you with my writing and my unhinged thots.

#this is really long i don't blame you if you don't want to read #just know i love every single one of you #tw illness and death #also grief

[spencerrscardigans]

Doctors often tell patients, often chronically ill patients to stay off the social media that talks about their illnesses and to not look stuff up, and i can understand why this may be problematic but they also aren’t taking into consideration the positives and good things that can also occur from this.

POTS and other chronic illnesses are having a higher social media presence, and because of this it’s created quite a big stigma surrounding it, and people often think that these illnesses are just becoming a trend, but they don’t understand how helpful the representation is for so many people.

I do often see people in the comment section of these videos who will have one or two traits and immediately panic thinking they have these things and i can understand how that part isn’t great, but in some cases it actually is these posts online that help people get diagnoses and learn more about themselves.

I would not have been diagnosed with POTS and getting treatment if it weren’t for social media, and my doctors don’t know much about POTS so most of the tips and advice and treatment methods that i’ve found have been from social media, and i would not be where i am without it.

I struggled with dysautonomia for my entire life, and it had been established by my one doctor who actually knew about these conditions but he retired and the new doctors i was switched too don’t know much about my health conditions, so getting diagnoses and treatment has been a very slow process.

My dysautonomia is believed to have turned into POTS in early 2021 when i was 14 after i got covid, and for over a year i was struggling with debilitating symptoms and had no idea why. I was just starting high school, and i was getting sicker and sicker and it was causing quite the divide socially.

I had been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, and because of it i had already been limited in my physical activity, so i was just told that my POTS symptoms were because i was out of shape.

I tried to push myself to fix this, which only ended up making me feel worse. Sometime along the road of me trying to get more active, i got a fitbit.

I started using my watch to monitor my steps and sleep, and i noticed that my heart rate would shoot up to the 150s-170s when i was simply standing still, so i sat down, and my heart rate immediately dropped to the low 100s.

I thought that this may be a glitch with my watch, but was still concerned as i was aware that my heart rate should not get that high from just standing still, so i started googling. As a result of my search, the name Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome came up. I did some reading, and noticed that a lot of the signs were pointing to me, especially with the already established dysautonomia.

I had already dealt with a lot of doctors telling me that i was just paranoid and a hypochondriac, and i knew that watches sometimes glitched or didn’t work correctly, so i went to my pharmacy and got a pulse ox, and did the same standing test and it did the exact same thing as my watch.

I took pictures of my heart rate and started recording it on the charts that my watch had, and brought it to my next doctors appointment, explained my symptoms and then mentioned that i had heard of the condition POTS, and that it seemed pretty similar to what i was going through. My doctor had my do a short standing test in the office, and i had a 70bpm increase in my heart rate.

My doctor agreed that it definitely looked like POTS and she said that i met the criteria for a diagnosis, but she said she didn’t know very much about the condition and had only briefly heard about it, so she referred me to a cardiologist in another city as that was the closest specialist to me, but they denied the referral and said that they weren’t taking patients with POTS, and they gave her a information sheet and gave her some tests to do to rule out anything else.

The tests came back, and again it all pointed to POTS, but my doctor was scarcely familiar with the condition, and wasn’t comfortable giving me an official diagnosis, so she gave me an informal diagnosis. When it came to treatments, she also wasn’t familiar with anything besides telling me to drink more water, exercise, and increase my sodium intake, and the only medication she was familiar to treat it with was propranolol, so she prescribed that, but it unfortunately didn’t help much, so i wasn’t left with much help or advice.

The things my doctor recommended weren’t enough, and because i didn’t have an official diagnosis or really any information at all from my doctors it was hard to get accommodations with school, and i wasn’t sure what else to do, so i did what doctors recommend against and went to google and social media.

It was then where i found so many people like me who i could finally relate to, and found so much information about my condition and tips and tricks to help manage it.

Because i finally knew more about how to manage my POTS, i started trying out more things and in the last year i have learnt more than i had in years of going to doctors, and i also finally had a community where i felt less alone.

I was able to advocate for myself, and two years later, this february i finally got in to see a cardiologist and now have a proper diagnosis, and he was able to provide some more insight and treatment options for me and i’m finally starting to notice some improvement and have a hopeful plan for the future.

In cases like these, social media representation of chronic illnesses is not always bad, and can in my opinion, actually save lives. If i had not had access to these communities and help, i genuinely can say that i would not be where i am at today, and i am forever grateful for the communities that have been created.

#chronic illness #chronically ill #pots #pots syndrome #postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome #fibromyalgia #ehlers danlos syndrome #hypermobile ehlers danlos #heds #social media #representation #rant post #awareness #chronic pain

[wildwarcat]

Flashback (Platonic!616!Stephen Strange x Surgeon!Reader)

100 Word Prompt Challenge Day 15: Photograph

Day 14: Crime

Summary: After completing your residency at Mount Sinai Hospital in New York, your former mentor stops by to congratulate you on your newest placement as an attending. 

Note: Been a hot minute since I’ve done one of these but I’ve been meaning to get back into it. So here’s Day 15. Italics indicate a flashback. Enjoy!

Five years. Five long miserable years of working your ass off to complete your residency in neurosurgery. And now you were finally done. By this time next month, you’d be on your way to Denver, where you’d be an attending surgeon at one of the best hospitals in the nation. 

You were cleaning out your locker now, cramming your last clean set of scrubs into your duffel bag along with your stethoscope and the wristwatch your mom had given you after your white coat ceremony. It all felt so surreal now; you were officially a neurosurgeon, one of the upcoming names in the medical world. 

“Lot to take in isn’t it, kid?” 

You whipped around to see Stephen Strange standing in the doorway, dressed in his mystic garb, a friendly smile on his face as he leaned against the doorframe. 

“Stephen!” You exclaimed with a wide smile, “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

Strange stepped into the locker room and you noticed that he held a small book in his hands. 

“I heard you were leaving for Denver tomorrow, and as your former mentor, I figured it was only fair that I said goodbye.” 

He came to a halt a few feet in front of you and handed the leatherbound book to you. You took it carefully and opened its pages. Inside, dozens of photos from your years as an intern all the way through to your first year of residency. Your smile widened, tears stinging the corner of your eyes when they landed on the first photo you had ever taken with Stephen. 

There had been a car crash a few blocks away from the hospital during the first year of your internship, five cars blocking an entire intersection. You were in the ER for your rotation when the crash victims came rushing in, all of them covered in blood and grease. You followed the first victim with Gary, one of the trauma residents, over to the first available bay and began checking his vitals. 

“Pulse is thready, BP is starting to drop, pupils nonresponsive.” You said, observing the vomit that was on the man’s shirt, “Looks like he vomited on the way here. Subdural hematoma?” 

“Most likely.” Gary said, turning to the nurses’ station, “Page Dr. Strange now!”

Gary looked back at you, his gaze grim, “Y/N, prep our John Doe for surgery. Do anything and everything Dr. Strange tells you to do.” 

Before you could argue the fact that you were a surgical intern, not a nurse, Gary was gone, already checking out the next patient. Before you could even begin going through the pre-op procedure with your patient, Dr. Stephen Strange appeared, taking his chart from your hands and looked it over. 

“Who listed this patient as subdural hematoma?” He asked, looking around the room.

You raised your hand, “I- I did, sir.” 

Strange’s narrowed eyes landed on you, “What made you think so?” 

“Patient has a steadily dropping BP, his pupils are nonresponsive to light, he vomited on the way over here, and,” 

You pointed to the patient’s skull, “There’s some obvious swelling that wasn’t there a few minutes ago.” 

Strange lifted the man’s head to observe the swelling, “Hm. Good call.” 

He flagged down a team of nurses and sent them into pre-op with the man, leaving you alone with him. 

“Wanna come watch?” He asked you.

“From the gallery?” 

“Hell no.” He scoffed, “You’re not gonna learn anything that way. Scrub in, kid. You’re on suction.” 

The man had survived the surgery, thanks to your diagnosis. After the procedure was finished, Strange had pulled you aside and offered to take you on as a resident once your internship was complete. The photo had been taken by the patient’s wife after she had found out who saved her husband’s life. You had always assumed that she had kept the photo as a keepsake, but somehow Stephen had managed to get a hold of a copy of it. 

You looked back up at him and wiped away a tear that had spilled over. 

“Thank you, Stephen. For everything.” 

“You’re welcome, Y/N. And if you ever need anything-” He waved his hand and a small business card appeared on top of the photo album, “Just give me a call.”

You laughed at the gesture, stepping forward to wrap Strange in a hug, which he happily returned. 

“You’re gonna crush it, kid.” He muttered with a smile, “No doubt about it.”

#stephen strange x reader #avengers fandom #MARVEL FANDOM #one word prompts #dr strange #doctor strange #dsmom #marvel multiverse #avengers x reader #100 word prompt challenge

[lucreziaq2001]

•TV show: "Criminal minds".

•Content warnings: Period-typical homophobia, mentions of conversion therapy (done through electroshock too), a young man leaving his girlfriend, who is not mentally ill, at a psychiatric hospital thinking he is doing it for her own good and his girlfriend not wanting to stay there, but being forced to.

•Some of the lines are almost the same that are in a scene of the "Cold case" episode this story is inspired by. I did modify them a bit, though. I didn't just copy and paste them.

•Both Russell Kearns and Brockview Hospital were in the "Cold case" episode this fanfiction is inspired by. Both the character and the place are just like they were in "Boy crazy".

•VERY IMPORTANT THING: This chapter and the next one were pretty upsetting for me to write, so if you find them upsetting to read, I understand. Feel free to skip them.

•Tags: @lex13cm, @golden1u5t, @avis-writeshq, @rynwritesreid, @chrrysgirl, @amerrymango, @marie-sworld, @iluvreid, @babygirl-garcia, @hugyourlungs, @strangermoonlove.

The bridge to Heaven

Chapter 14: A terrible place

In the afternoon of November 4, after picking up Emily from school, Ian asked Elizabeth to pick up Declan from daycare, then he forced Emily to pack a suitcase and put her most important things in it, and the couple left their house.

In less than an hour, they arrived in Philadelphia, at Brockview Psychiatric Hospital.

Standing by the door to welcome them, as if he already knew why Emily and Ian were there, was Dr. Russell Kearns, who after speaking with Emily for just a few minutes, already had a diagnosis that was as clear as it was terrible for the girl.

"The diagnosis is a sexual identity disorder" the man explained to Ian while two nurses took care, so to speak, of Emily "Here at Brockview, we teach girls with the problems Emily has to be attracted to men, like they should be".

"And what are you planning to do to her?" the young man asked mainly to be informed about it, since he had already made the decision to leave his girlfriend there.

"Therapy sessions with a psychologist, drugs and electroshock sessions, which is an excellent therapy" the doctor explained to him.

"I don't know anything about it, though," Ian replied, confused.

"You want the best for your girlfriend, right?" Dr. Kearns then asked him instead of giving him the explanation Ian was expecting.

"Yes, of course" the boy confirmed "But it's the first time Emily and I part ways in two and a half years".

"Don't worry, she's in good hands here" the doctor tried to reassure him "Just think that in a month, one of our former patients and her fiance are getting married. They came here to visit me about a week ago and they are one of the happiest couples I have ever met".

"Take me back home!" Emily shouted at that point as she was carried on a stretcher, with her hands and feet tied, into a room by two nurses.

"Emily, I'm doing this for your own good" Ian responded, even though he wasn't entirely convinced of what he was saying either.

"I'll dress like a woman! I'll do anything you want!" the girl told him, clearly desperate.

"These are the clothes she was wearing" Dr. Kearns told Ian, handing him a brown paper bag "After her treatment, Emily will only wear women's clothing".

"I don't want to stay here! Please, take me away!" Emily tried to beg her boyfriend, but it was no use.

"I'm sorry, Emily. I love you, but you forced me to do this" Ian responded, then he started to walk towards the hospital's door.

"No, please! Don't leave me here!" was one of the last things Ian heard Emily say, while he left her and a part of his conscience in that terrible place.

[websteradventures]

Autism & ADHD

I don’t even know where to begin, but I guess I’ll start with yesterday.

Yesterday, I had Leo’s feedback session after being evaluated last month for autism, ADHD, and dyslexia (unofficial evaluation- will explain more.). Leo is our youngest son and third to have a diagnosis. Leo has been diagnosed with ADHD and is on the cusp of dyslexia. It is recommended that he has outpatient therapy for his ADHD and an intensive therapy with a reading interventionist.

Leo has always been this fun, quick whit, energetic kid, but deep down I knew there was something more. I love this kid so much and yet every day it feels like I am in a battle with him. The constant playing referee between him and his brothers, constantly having to keep him busy, constantly feeling like a broken record because he does not listen at all. I AM EXHAUSTED.

Yet, these traits aren’t the only reason why I decided it was best to get him evaluated, it was actually his oldest brother, Adonis, that was the catalyst of having his younger brothers evaluated.

Adonis is our oldest, and the reason why I started this blog (Raising Baby Boy) 15 years ago when I was pregnant with him. Wow, typing that really made me gasp aloud. Yikes.

Anyhow, Adonis was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder in June of 2023. After years of fighting and advocating for him, I finally was able to get answers, but getting my answer wasn’t the relief I had I hoped for. Adonis struggles with his diagnosis, and we have been struggling with navigating his diagnosis as well as navigating teenage hormones. Adonis struggled a lot with getting along with his brothers— more so with Leo and that’s been the case since Leo was a toddler. Adonis is sensitive to noise, doesn’t like music with lyrics, sometimes has a hard time with non verbal cues and socializing. He loves to build with Legos, play Geometry Dash, and adores cats. Adonis is a smart kid who sees the world black and white so sometimes navigating the gray area of life pose as a challenge for him. He’s still figuring it all out, as he should as an almost 14 year old boy though. I love him and although this journey is difficult right now, I have faith he will grow to accept this special part of him, and come to some understanding of his challenges so he may grow to advocate for himself.

After going through the evaluation with Adonis though, some of the questions in the evaluation made me think of Luca and after talking with a few close friends about Luca’s history of developmental delays and other signs I requested he be evaluated. In February of this year, Luca was evaluated and diagnosed with Level 1 Autism Spectrum disorder. I actually kind of took Luca’s diagnosis a bit hard because during the evaluation process I was second guessing myself, and I guess subconsciously prepared myself to hear that he wasn’t on the spectrum, so when I was presented with the results it felt like a punch in the gut. Not because of the diagnosis, because I questioned my gut feeling. I felt guilty for missing some of the signs and what I could’ve done better to be more attentive to his needs.

Luca is going to be 12 this year. I really don’t have anyone around me who’s had their children diagnosed with Autism in the preteen/teen stage, and in the grand scheme of things it’s not that big of deal but this feels hard navigating three new diagnosis at once. I have been playing referee with three very different personalities for such a long time without context that I feel like I need to start from scratch. I have lost my patience over the years and as much as my husband tries, I feel like I’m navigating this alone for the most part.

I love my boys so much- their quirks and all. I wouldn’t change them in the slightest; they are each special in their own right. I just don’t want to fail them as their mother. I want to parent more with patience and understanding. Meet them where they’re at.

So here we go, my journey as a Mama who struggles with ADHD herself parenting three awesome kids with their unique set of challenges.

Xoxo,

Mama Webster

#parenting #motherhood #autism #adhd #life lately #boy mom #homeschooling #neurodivergent #autism awareness

[moondear25]

Something that is so crazy to me is how scared you can be to tell your parent about something that’s wrong with you.

Cw:tics, venting

I have diagnosed autism and ADHD and that took me a year to even confess that maybe something is wrong. Then it took months to get diagnosed, which I know that I’m one of the lucky ones that can get a diagnosis, which is somewhat the issue.

Since at least 2018 ( I was twelve) I have had visible tics that I caught in too and in 2020 it got worse. Know in 2024 (17 turning 18) my leg tics can get so bad that I might need crutches to walk because they hurt so much. Yet no one but my brother knows in my family. I’ve been redirecting my tics or I surpess so much I have an aggressive tic attack every night, and I’m so tired of it.

I know if I tell my mom, she would probably help but the possibility of her not has crippled me into not saying anything, for years.

I just don’t want to disappoint her, you know? I have given her so many problems with me gender and sexuality, as well as my mental issues, I dint want this to be her breaking point or, god forbid, thinking I’m making everything up. To be a bigger disappointment in her eye is my biggest negative, and I think getting diagnosed with a tic disorder and needing a mobility aid at times would push her to her breaking point.

Plus it feels selfish. My mom has three kids, and we all have mental problems, my sister (22) with manic depression, and my brother (14) with ADHD and ADD.

If I tell her, I would take more attention away from them and I don’t want that, they need attention, I want them to thrive. But can they if my issues become too much?

I don’t know what to do and it hurts, do I suffer till I move out and can’t bother them, or do I tell my mom with the risk of potentially ruining everything?

Thank you for listening and sorry for dumping this

#forearm crutches #ticcing #autism #actually adhd #adhd #actually autistic #vent post #tourettes #what to do #I need help #autism problems #lgbtqia #lgbt problems #mobility aid #diagnosis #teenage problems #please help

[bpdshan]

hey, which country do you live in? how did you get your diagnoses?

uk! im gonna assume ur referring specifically to bpd (pls correct me if i’m wrong tho), which i got diagnosed with by my CAMHS psychiatrist at 14, 9 years ago.

because of my age at the time, it was diagnosed as “emerging borderline personality disorder”, and lost the “emerging” part once i hit adulthood.

initially, i had brought up bpd with my regular CBT therapist and since she was familiar with me and my symptoms already, she was pretty on board and in agreement with it from the get-go.

still, she had no authority over a diagnosis so it took a few months for her reviews to reach the psychiatrist before i was finally assessed and diagnosed. he was VERY skeptical because of my age (basically he kept talking abt hormones/puberty and how that could make me emotional, but i don’t think hormones make people land in hospital after experiencing minor inconveniences and minor rejection and hear voices etc….u know how it is) and honestly the guy was a bit of a dickhead….. but i got it in the end and i still could not agree with the diagnosis more.

best of luck !!

#ask #anon #bpd diagnosis

[theworldoffostering]

I reached out to the day treat program again yesterday. They finally did an intake over the phone. It took two hours and ended with Ms. 6 refusing to enter into the program voluntarily because she didn’t want to miss out on school (the program runs 6-8 week so would interfere with school quite a bit). Kids ages 14 and up have to do these programs voluntarily in our state. Parents cannot “force” their kids to do mental health treatment.

The program called back the following morning and said they wouldn’t take her anyways. We were trying to get her into a day treatment program for trauma, but they said she’s not a good fit for it due to her RAD diagnosis. Sigh. They recommended intensive in-home family therapy. Yeah, right. No one does that in our area. Ask me how I know. I’ve been looking for the last three years for an in-home therapist for Baby.

Interestingly enough, if you would have asked me a year ago if Ms. 6 had RAD, I would have said no. She’s never presented (to me) as a RAD kid despite that being her diagnosis for the last 6-7 years or so. She had to have that diagnosis in order to be in the residential facility she went to, and they are the ones who diagnosed it. I just figured they diagnosed it as she needed a place to go. I’ve never read of RAD seemingly laying dormant for four years and then rearing it’s ugly head in the form of behaviors as seems to be the case here.

I’m discouraged y’all. Her psych’s office hasn’t called me back despite me calling them twice last week. The therapist thinks we are adding borderline personality disorder to the list, said that the episodes we are seeing are unpredictable, and that Ms. 6 sort of just throws a bunch of stuff out into the world to see what sticks. She’s irrational and seems to enjoy playing the role of victim. I just want to keep her safe, but I also want to be safe, and I want our other kids to feel and be safe too.

[transmalewife]

i had lyme (had the rash, got antibiotics) but i don’t really seem to have any resulting issues (about 3 years from when i was bit). can i ask, what’s your experience been with long term symptoms?

hey! you might be safe in that case, when caught early, the traditional method of one antibiotic for a few weeks works.

For me it's a bit complicated, since I have a bunch of other things wrong with me, and since lyme can cause pretty much everything in your body to break, it's hard deciding which is which. each time i get a new diagnosis part of me thinks it might have been caused by lyme

But basically, ok. I had a tick when I was three. I reportedly didn't have the rash, but since I've been allergic to milk since I was born, I was always covered in rashes, so who knows, maybe it just blended it. I've always had a terrible immune system, getting sick often, missing school, many, many allergies. I've had a mild cold every day for a decade and a half now. When I was six I got a weird rash that no one could explain, that was treated like psoriasis, despite biopsies showing it wasn't psoriasis. in retrospect that was probably lyme.

Between 8-10 I started getting really, really bad migraines, like to the point of wailing in pain. Got addicted to ibuprofen with pseudoephedrine and we all kinda moved on. a few years after that I started getting joint pains, I think, this is where my memory starts to get fuzzy too. for a few years that was waved off as growing pains. I've also had insomnia for as long as I can remember but it got really bad around 13, I would sleep like 15 hours total in a week. unsurprisingly, that's when the chronic fatigue set in, and the brain fog. I got diagnosed with gluten intolerance, and that helped for a bit, I would have trouble breathing sometimes, like suddenly i just couldn't take a full breath. my memory got worse. around 14 is when my depression started, and I was also having panic attacks, but this was different, like i could tell it was purely physical. I also had hallucinations sometimes, but your guess is as good as mine as to whether this was lyme, purely mental, or sleep deprivation.

The pain was getting worse, I couldn't do sports anymore. First year of highschool, so when I was 16, I started having really bad memory loss. I'd been forgetting more and more for years, but that's when it changed to something clearly neurologically wrong. Like i'd be standing somewhere, speaking, and then suddenly mid sentence I'd blank. And I'd try to remember what I was saying, then why I was there, then how I'd got there, then what i'd done that morning, etc etc, and I'd just get nothing. I'd recognize the place i was in if i'd seen it before, but all short term memories were just gone in an instant. That's when my mother finally took this seriously and took me to get tested (she'd just finished her first treatment for lyme at that point) and to a specialist that gave me antibiotics. many, many antibiotics, some every day, some one week one one off, some every 3 days. many supplements and medications and probiotics and herbs.

The first month was a nightmare (turns out i'm allergic to doxycicline, I was constantly nauseous and lost 10kg in a month) but after that it got better. I lasted 9 months, and the sudden memory loss stopped, my joint pain got better, as did my migraines, and my immune system, a bit. I should have stayed longer, but I was a dumb teenager who wanted to get drunk with my friends which you cant do on antibiotics and was tired of having to keep track of a chart of of like 30 pills in a day at 8 very specific times.

a bit less than a year later the chronic fatigue came back, as did being constantly sick, and really bad joint pain, mostly in my wrists, arms, and hips. like so bad you can't sleep. I remember when I was living with my friend one night i was crying and asking her to pull on my arm as hard as she could for hours at night because it was the only way i could be in less pain. I was missing school due to sleeping all day, but I was also severely depressed, and very badly medicated for it at the time, so that might be why.

I started taking some herbal supplements after that? I think? those few years are a bit of a blur tbh. but they're really effective, only we can't get them in poland, so i ran out at some point. late 2019 was my last really bad relapse. I was working during the week and studying on weekends, and that was it. I didn't leave the house, I barely left the bed after coming home. sometimes i was too tired to get up and eat. I bought a cane, because I started randomly falling over, and I was in so much pain sometimes i couldn't walk to the bathroom without holding on to every piece of furniture on the way. I started taking disulfiram after that, and it really did help. I think i only stopped because i finally got my adhd diagnosis and you can't mix those meds.

so to recap the breathing, weird neurological shit, rashes went away after the antibiotics, the migraines got better but I still get them, though much less often. My digestive issues got worse, because antibiotics absolutely wreck your gut microbiome. joint pain and chronic fatigue came back with a vengance, then got better while treated by disulfiram or herbs.

These days it's like that: in the summer I'm good. I mean my joints still crack obscenely loud, I need to take many, many vitamins and minerals every day, and drink unreasonable ammounts of water or i get dehydrated really fast, and if i eat things i'm allergic too, or am on my period, or just under the weather I get joint pain. The winter is a nightmare. The cold hurts like someone is putting needles into every joint, and after that they ache constantly. an hour long errand in the winter means 4 hours of recovering in bed. I don't need to use my cane as often as a few years back, but sometimes i do.

my plan is to move to a warmer country. my adhd is now medicated, and I've been diagnosed with like 5 new chronic illnesses this year, so we'll see how this winter goes after that. I'll try to buy my herbs when im in the us next month, so maybe that will help. weed helps with the pain and mental stuff. mild exercise and physical therapy too, though im often too tired for the first.

idk if this is at all helpful, sorry you essentially got a trauma dump, but I don't know how else to put this. there's probably a bunch of stuff i missed too, like unexplained eye problems, weird like spasms i get sometimes that might be tics

#mine. #disability #ask #anon #lyme disease

[guiltypleasurefandomface]

1, 5, 8, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16 ok, I'll stop LOL // onegoldenglance

Blimey! This took me a while 😁

1) an album you can’t stop listening to lately

Good Years by The Shires.

5) name an album you feel is perfect

A Night at the Opera

8) name an artist/band that isn’t touring at the moment who you’d really like to see in concert

Does The Beatles count for this answer? 

12) if you could hear any album performed live in its entirety, which would it be?

Ooooh! This is a tough one. I always forget how much I struggle to make decisions until I do one of these ask games. 

I mean, you've got Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon and Meatloaf's Bat out of hell and then all of Queens albums. Roger's Outsider and KT Tunstall's acoustic extravaganza. Westlife's Unbreakable Best Of Album 2002  Oh it's so hard to choose. 

Queen II

13) if you could talk to any musician, who would it be? what would you want to say?

I have to choose one!? Out of all the musicians dead or alive!?

It would have to be Freddie. I would tell him what lyrics of which songs resonate with me and that I love his imagery and his poetry in all of his music  and that he was one of the most beautiful and talented artists this world has ever seen.

14) is there any band/musician who you really strongly dislike? if so, why?

Erm. Well nothing to do with her music but there's Laura Mvula. Long story short, she is/was an amazing singer who was diagnosed with CFS/ME way outside of the window and parameters of a CFS/ME diagnosis because she didn't believe her getting so sick on her first tour could be just stress and exhaustion leading to a viral infection. 

She somehow bypassed the post viral syndrome stage of being diagnosed with CFS. Within the time frame of what would be PVS recovery, she underwent the controversial Graded Exercise Therapy which is based on bad fraudulent science from a study filled with medical errors and bizarre conclusions and whilst most people get worse under it, and she miraculously got better. Then she became a vocal advocate of GET, her story was used as a success story for GET and she supported the people behind the fraudulent study who called sufferers of CFS/ME who did not get better after undergoing GET "malingerers" and "people who just like being ill". Mvula then suddenly went quiet when campaigners were successful in getting NICE to remove GET as an approved treatment for CFS and now you can't even find any mention of her ever having CFS/ME in any of her biographies, or the fact it was most likely post viral syndrome in the first place. She hasn't apologised or acknowledged how her actions and attitude caused harm to others with CFS/ME, she just acts like it never even happened.

15) have you ever traveled outside of your area to see a concert? if not, would you want to?

Yes. London, baby! But never again though. 

16) have you ever been in the first row for a concert? if not, what was the closest seat you’ve ever had?

I have! Funny story to this actually. In the time between booking the tickets in the beginning of the year and the concert at the end of the year, the venue changed the seating layout and 5 of us - me and my friend and a group of 3 we didn't know - turned up to find our seats sort of no longer existed. Two of them were now restricted view. The venue had to find us seats wherever they could. I bagged front row with the couple of the 3 and my friend got the back of the stalls because she was tall and I think the third person of the other group got the balcony. 

#thank you #did i get them all??? #OGG #music game ask

[gdwessel]

Positive COVID-19 Tests Force Changes to NOAH (Fujita), NJPW (Fujinami + Ospreay) Supercards; NJPW Golden Fight Series Nights 8 + 9 - 4/27 & 4/28/2022; Accusations Against Chris Dickinson; Full Dead Or Alive 2022 Card; ZERO1 Otani Benefit Show Announced

I know I said I was gonna just do a post tomorrow initially, but too much has happened since Tuesday that it behooves me to do so.

COVID-19 is still a thing, especially in Japan. It’s now altered two of the Golden Week supercards.

The first announcement came yesterday from Pro Wrestling NOAH, where it was revealed a positive PCR test meant that Kazuyuki Fujita would not be able to defend the GHC Heavyweight title against Go Shiozaki on Saturday at Tokyo Ryogoku Kokugikan. The title has been vacated, and Go Shiozaki will now face a TBD opponent. Kaito Kiyomiya put himself forward as Shiozaki’s opponent . Kiyomiya is already booked to team with Yoshiki Inamura against Naomichi Marufuji & a mystery opponent. We will see what becomes of this. The altered match(es) have not yet been announced.

There was a lot of snark on Twitter (and I contributed to some of it), because while I don’t think the COVID-19 diagnosis is anything but genuine, this is a very Kazuyuki Fujita thing to do, in order to get out of doing a job he doesn’t want to. Then again, I am not shy about my contempt for Fujita, and it may be coloring my reaction. That said, hope he recovers without too much difficulty.

This morning, NJPW announced that both Tatsumi Fujinami and Will Ospreay also both tested positive, and therefore would miss Wrestling Dontaku 2022 on Sunday from the Fukuoka Pay Pay Dome. Ospreay was supposed to be in the IWGP US Heavyweight title decision match against Hiroshi Tanahashi; that match is now Tanahashi v. Tomohiro Ishii. As for Fujinami, he will now be replaced by a mystery wrestler in the 6-man tag match with Shingo Takagi & BUSHI (himself a replacement for Hiromu Takahashi, who is now wrestling YOH in a singles match) against Taichi, Zack Sabre Jr. & TAKA Michinoku. I’m a little concerned for Fujinami – the man is 68 years old, hardly a spring chicken. Hoping he (and Ospreay) also recover soon.

Since we’re here, let’s wrap up the Golden Fight Series tour, shall we?

New Japan Pro Wrestling

- 4/27/2022, Hiroshima Big Rose

Kosei Fujita d. Ryohei Oiwa (Boston Crab, 6:43)

DOUKI & El Desperado [SZKG] d. Master Wato & Tiger Mask IV (Desperado > Tiger, Pinche Loco, 11:40)

Yoshinobu Kanemaru & Zack Sabre Jr. [SZKG] d. Ryusuke Taguchi & Togi Makabe (Sabre > Makabe, Armbar, 8:13)

Hirooki Goto [CHAOS], YOSHI-HASHI [CHAOS], Toru Yano [CHAOS] & Tomoaki Honma d. Bad Luck Fale, Chase Owens, Taiji Ishimori & Gedo [Bullet Club] (Yano > Gedo, Schoolboy, 10:17)

Shingo Takagi & Hiromu Takahashi [Los Ingobernables] d. Taichi & TAKA Michinoku [SZKG] (Hiromu > TAKA, Nameless Hiromu Roll, 11:01)

EVIL, Yujiro Takahashi, SHO & Dick Togo [Bullet Club] d. Tama Tonga [GoD], Tanga Loa [GoD], Hiroshi Tanahashi & Jado [GoD] (SHO > Jado, Pinfall, 12:07) 

Kazuchika Okada & YOH [CHAOS] d. Tetsuya Naito & BUSHI [Los Ingobernables] (Okada > BUSHI, Rainmaker, 16:14)

- 4/28/2022, Yamaguchi KDDI Ishin Hall

Ryusuke Taguchi d. Kosei Fujita (Oh My & Garankle, 7:50)

Master Wato d. Yuto Nakashima (Bendabar, 7:58)

Hirooki Goto, YOSHI-HASHI & Toru Yano [CHAOS] d. Togi Makabe, Tomoaki Honma & Tiger Mask IV (Goto > Honma, Shoto, 9:19)

El Desperado, Zack Sabre Jr., Yoshinobu Kanemaru & DOUKI [SZKG] d. Taiji Ishimori, Bad Luck Fale, Chase Owens & Gedo [Bullet Club] (DOUKI > Gedo, Diving Foot Stomp, 10:45)

Shingo Takagi & BUSHI [Los Ingobernables] d. Taichi & TAKA Michinoku [SZKG] (Shingo > TAKA, Pumping Bomber, 11:37)

EVIL, Yujiro Takahashi, SHO & Dick Togo [Bullet Club] d. Tama Tonga [GoD], Tanga Loa [GoD], Hiroshi Tanahashi & Jado [GoD] (SHO > Jado, Snakebite, 11:34) 

Kazuchika Okada & YOH [CHAOS] d. Tetsuya Naito & Hiromu Takahashi [Los Ingobernables] (YOH > Hiromu, Five Star Clutch, 17:05)

YOH vowed to finish Hiromu on Sunday. 

Last night on Twitter, a series of posts from wrestler Christina von Eerie went out citing abuse, gaslighting, etc., from a former partner of hers, recent NJPW signing Chris Dickinson. Dickinson has denied any such abuse took place. All the tweets are out there. You decide what to do with the information. For myself, I’m pretty disappointed to hear of all this. I also know that NJPW typically does absolutely nothing regarding their non-Japanese talents being accused of anything (indeed, they rarely do for their Japanese talents), so I am not holding my breath for any repercussions to come from NJPW or NJoA. It’s a shitty situation, and one that continues to be all-too frequent in wrestling. Change needs to come.

The tour is over, and the next event is Sunday’s big Wrestling Dontaku 2022 from Fukuoka. The event will be shown live on NJPWWorld, and I think FITE TV as well if you want. Below is the revised card.

Wrestling Dontaku 2022 - 5/1/2022, Fukuoka Pay Pay Dome (NJPWWorld)

X, Shingo Takagi [Los Ingobernables] & BUSHI [Los Ingobernables] v. Zack Sabre Jr., Taichi & TAKA Michinoku [SZKG]

YOH [CHAOS] v. Hiromu Takahashi [Los Ingobernables]

Tanga Loa [GoD] v. Yujiro Takahashi [Bullet Club]

IWGP Juniorheavyweight Tag Team Championship: Ryusuke Taguchi & Master Wato © v. Yoshinobu Kanemaru & DOUKI [SZKG]

IWGP Heavyweight Tag Team Championship 3-Way Match: Jeff Cobb & Great O-Khan [United Empire] © v. Hirooki Goto & YOSHI-HASHI [CHAOS] v. Bad Luck Fale & Chase Owens [Bullet Club]

NEVER Openweight Championship: EVIL [Bullet Club] © v. Tama Tonga [GoD]

IWGP Juniorheavyweight Championship: El Desperado [SZKG] © v. Taiji Ishimori [Bullet Club]

IWGP US Heavyweight Championship Decision Match: Hiroshi Tanahashi v. Tomohiro Ishii [CHAOS]

IWGP World Heavyweight Championship: Kazuchika Okada [CHAOS] © v. Tetsuya Naito [Los Ingobernables]

Dragon Gate

The full card for Dead Or Alive 2022 has been announced. The biggest noticeable thing is there is no Dead Or Alive Cage Match this year. Which is OK. We do not need to have The Dead Or Alive Cage Match every year just for the sake of having The Dead Or Alive Cage Match. We already have one man wrestling twice in two title matches, and a stipulation where someone has to leave a unit if they lose. It’s OK.

One note – Hip Hop Kikuta has now announced he is no longer Hip Hop Kikuta, but is going back to his given name, Madoka Kikuta. This really feels like they are over-egging Kikuta’s return where he will TOTALLY NOT BE JOINING Z-BRATS to where it’s becoming obvious HE IS TOTALLY JOINING Z-BRATS. They are not being subtle here.

Dead Or Alive 2022 - 5/5/2022, Aichi Prefectural Gymnasium (DG Network)

Open The Twin Gate Championship: Dragon Dia & Yuki Yoshioka [D’Courage] © v. Shun Skywalker & Diamante [Z-Brats]

4-Way Match: Shachihoko Boy v. Punch Tominaga v. Mondai Ryu v. Yosuke Santa Maria

Masaaki Mochizuki, Don Fujii, Yasushi Kanda & Shuji Kondo v. Strong Machine J, La Estrella, Ishin Iihashi & Takuma Fujiwara

Madoka Kikuta & Jacky “Funky” Kamei [Natural Vibes] v. BxB Hulk & HYO [Z-Brats]

Genki Horiguchi, Big Boss Shimizu & Jason Lee [Natural Vibes] v. Ben-K, Keisuke Okuda & Kagetora [HIGH-END]

Ryukyu Dragon Pro Wrestling Twin Ryuo Championship: Kzy & U-T [Natural Vibes] © v. YAMATO & Dragon Kid [HIGH-END]

Open The Brave Gate Championship: Dragon Dia [D’Courage] © v. SB KENTo [Z-Brats]

Open The Triangle Gate Championship: Kota Minoura, Naruki Doi & Kaito Ishida [Gold Class] © v. Eita, NOSAWA Rongai & Kotaro Suzuki [Perros del Mal de Japon]

Open The Dream Gate Championship: KAI [Z-Brats] © v. Susumu Yokosuka [Natural Vibes] - If Susumu loses, he must leave Natural Vibes and revert his name to Susumu Mochizuki

Other News

Pro Wrestling ZERO1 will be holding a benefit show for Shinjiro Otani on 6/4/2022 from Tokyo Ota Ward Gymnasium. So far, support and participation has been pledged from NJPW (specifically Yuji Nagata, Togi Makabe & Tomoaki Honma, the latter of whom has had similar issues to what Otani has suffered), NOAH, BJW, 2AW, FREEDOMS, Ganbare!, OZ Academy, Diana and Tatsumi Fujinami. More details as they come.

In other tribute show news, another match has been announced for the Jumbo Tsuruta Memorial show on 5/31/2022 at Korakuen Hall. Shingo Takagi will team with a mystery partner, against the Aoyagi brothers, Yuma & Atsuki, from All Japan. Shingo has said his mystery partner may not be a member of Los Ingobernables, or indeed any other wrestler from NJPW.

More Fortune Dream 7 matches have been announced as well, as #STRONGHEARTS will take on AJPW in two matches. First, Takao Omori will face off against Issei Onitsuka, whilst CIMA & T-Hawk will take on the TOTAL ECLIPSE tandem of Jake Lee & Hokuto Omori. That’s on 6/15/2022 from Korakuen Hall as well.

In some final housekeeping news, if you follow my @StrongStylStory Twitter account, it will be changing its name to either @gdwessel (my current personal one, which I am retiring and merging into this one), or @GeoffreyWessel or @GeoffreyDWessel as a temporary measure if there is such a thing as Twitter time limits or something. We’ll see. Just a word of warning, this will be happening Sunday, probably AFTER I do that day’s post.

That’s it for today. See you tomorrow for the start of the Golden Week megacards.

#Kazuyuki Fujita #tatsumi fujinami #Will Ospreay #COVID-19 #Pro Wrestling NOAH #new japan pro wrestling #NJPW #golden fight series #njfight #Yoh #chris dickinson #Dragon Gate #dead or alive #hip hop kikuta #madoka kikuta #Shinjiro Otani #pro wrestling zero1 #jumbo tsuruta #Shingo Takagi #Fortune Dream

[ladypres13]

A Life Update

Wow. So much has changed since I’ve last updated my Yandere Sleuth blog. Somewhat for the better, somewhat worse. It really depends on your perspective.

Sleuth jr. is 14 and baby sleuth is 4. 😭 they are both in school now. I am having difficulties with Junior, as he is in full blown puberty and has decided he absolutely hates school. This results in aggressive behavior. Baby sleuth, however, loves school. No matter what, they’re both my babies and I will go to the ends of the earth for the both of them.

Since baby Sleuth’s birth, I had been struggling with depression. I felt as though I was drowning in sorrow due to postpartum depression. It felt as though the world was continuing to turn and I was simply sitting at home, existing. A stay at home mom life has never been for me, and though I love my children, I needed a purpose of my own. I needed a break. When my oldest was small, my mother forced me to stay home and I was not allowed to work (she was a bit controlling.)

I felt the happiest I had ever been when I finally obtained a job at a well known beauty retailer. I felt so at home and my coworkers were amazing. Sadly, the chain left my store to go to another company. I transferred there to keep my job with the beauty chain but the warmness and friendliness I was so used to was gone. I hated every second of working there, and I returned to the first store and started working on the construction of their new beauty department, where I’ve been ever since.

My mother was diagnosed with cancer - multiple myeloma and renal cell carcinoma - and lived two years. She suffered several strokes starting may 31st, died on June 18th (2023), on Father’s Day, with me and my dad by her side. Even though they had been divorced for years, and it was Father’s Day, dad remained my rock during this entire ordeal. We had her cremated and she is buried at the feet of her uncle that raised her.

I barely had time to grieve when lord Prestonator, a recovering alcoholic, relapsed (again); he really did it this time, to the point where my kids and I will be moving out and going to live with my father within the next couple of weeks. He and I had been on the rocks for about 18 months to begin with, with multiple relapses, hospitalizations, women coming forward claiming he was trying to cheat with them, etc. yet we tried to coexist for the sake of the children. We tried maintaining that family unit we both wanted, with each other.

I went to my therapist, who I had initially made the appointment with to process the death of my controlling mother, and laid it all out for her, and she diagnosed me with post traumatic stress disorder as a result of my ex’s drinking. I have not been handling the news of this diagnosis well at all, mainly because I don’t know hardly anything about it. I am a third generation sufferer of anxiety and panic; my mother and grandmother both had it. Post traumatic stress disorder? This is all new to me.

I also laid out my relationship with my ex, and she took quite an interest in it; she started asking questions, and then became quiet. She then said, quote, “Holly, I don’t like diagnosing people without directly looking at them. However, with what you’ve told me, I’m almost certain he has narcissistic personality disorder. You are in a psychologically abusive marriage.”

I was so taken aback by this statement, and then I began to think of all his behaviors and the patterns. Love bombings; he showers me with money, gifts, and my favorite foods. Gaslighting; “I didn’t do this. I didn’t do that. You’re blowing everything out of proportion.” Constant worry and fear of his image, where I’m speaking low of him to my friends when I haven’t. The constant need of appreciation; “only my coworkers praise me and appreciate me. I never get that at home.” (Despite my efforts to do anything to keep him happy.) relapse and a week long visit to the psych ward. And the cycle begins anew.

Me? In a psychologically abusive relationship with a narcissist? I always supported my friends and family as they escaped bad situations; how could I have missed all these warning signs that I was on the same boat?

All this time, I’ve been calling myself Prestonator. When my divorce is finalized, what should I even call myself? My screen name? Sweet creators above, what a mess.

Still, this is perfect timing. My father is quite sick and is no longer able to care for his home. Since he refuses home health, or transitioning to assisted living, this, really, is our only option. We will be helping each other out. And it helps, too, that a friend, who I was head over heels for in high school, has resurfaced to support me during the most difficult trial of my life. All this time, for 20 YEARS, he had feelings for me. Things between us have been wonderful.

This isn’t technically a rebound, considering I liked him first, and that there hasn’t been any real love between my husband and I for about 18 months, is there? 🫠 still, he’s wonderful and I would be lost suit his support.

And that’s that.

#tw alcohol #ptsd #yanderesleuth #life #rant post

[brexiiton]

Teen 'cannot remember' stabbing father to death at Melbourne train station

By Cassandra Morgan, AAP, 3:46pm Oct 2, 2023

A teenager who fatally stabbed a father at a train station in Melbourne's outer suburbs says he has no recollection of the deadly attack.

The 19-year-old, who was 17 at the time of the stabbing, was drunk and potentially on drugs when he approached 40-year-old Adam Cassar at Melton train station in the early hours of December 29, 2021.

Cassar appeared to be in the middle of changing clothes before the teenager followed him with a large knife and stabbed him, leaving him with a 10-centimetre wound.

Police at the scene in Melton South after the attack. (Nine)

The 40-year-old ran off and made it to a nearby house where he ultimately bled to death, while the teenager appeared none the wiser about the man's death and left the station with a group of boys, a Victorian court was told on Monday.

The teenager had no recollection of the attack because he was affected by alcohol and likely drugs at the time, his barrister said.

"We have no instructions, because he has no memory," the barrister told the court.

The teenager - who cannot be identified because he was underage at the time of the stabbing - came from his home in NSW to Melbourne in December 2021 to visit his mother.

The pair had a fractured relationship given she had abandoned her son, and whatever he hoped to get out of their meeting didn't eventuate, the teenager's barrister said.

Instead, he "wrote himself off then wound up at the station" before stabbing the stranger for an unclear reason and looking for a way back to his mother's home.

The teenager was extradited from NSW to Victoria, where he was in May this year found guilty of manslaughter.

Cassar's daughter, who lives interstate, said she and her father didn't always see eye to eye, but his killer took away his chance to make things right.

In a victim impact statement she read to the court, she described the teenager as heartless and said she didn't think she would make it to court years after her father's death as she struggled with depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts.

"He stripped away my dad's opportunities of finding love, meeting my future children one day and even seeing me get married," she told the court.

"I don't think any mother should have to help their child bury their father when they're 20 years old."

The now 22-year-old started studying mental health before her father's death in a bid to ultimately help people like him, but struggled to continue with the course in the wake of his killing, she said.

Cassar's father also required full-time care after his son's death.

The teenager's barrister said the 19-year-old's feelings of abandonment led him to use alcohol and drugs, and his recent diagnosis of ADHD went some way to explaining his impulsive decision making.

A judge is due to sentence the teenager later this month.

Readers seeking support can contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 or beyond blue on 1300 22 4636.

#terrorwave #terror wave #terror #news #wave #terrorism #melbourne #australia #australian terrorwave #terrorist #crime

[phawareglobal]

Jo-Anne Mainwood - phaware® interview 433

Pulmonary hypertension patient, Jo-Anne Mainwood, is a Canadian school teacher who couldn’t keep up with her students, friends and family. After a long journey of misdiagnosis, Jo-Anne details why PH is not a one-size-fits-all disease. My name is Jo-Anne Mainwood. I'm from Ottawa. I've had diagnosed pulmonary arterial hypertension, the cause being idiopathic. I was diagnosed in 2009. About four or five years ago, it was my 40th birthday. I wanted to go and do the aerial park where you go up, climb the trees and swing across wonderful different obstacles. I could not keep up with my friends. I'd start climbing up the ladders, and I was just completely out of breath. I'm also a teacher of grades seven and eight. My classroom was on the second floor. So I'd be walking up the stairs and be completely out of breath. Grade seven and eight, that's 13, 14-year-olds would say, "Hey, miss, you okay? You a little out of shape there?" I was a little bit mortified, but I thought, "There's something going on here. This is not normal, I shouldn't be out of breath just walking to my classroom." I could not keep up. It was embarrassing. I had two young children at home. It got to the point where I was so fatigued and so tired. I just didn't want to go out anymore. I just wanted to hide with the covers over my head, because when I did go out and when I did a lot of the things that I used to really enjoy, it was so difficult. I was breathless and embarrassed and just felt out of shape and not like myself. It was a long journey getting to the point where I was actually diagnosed. I went to my family doctor. I had two children. I put on a bit of weight. And so it started with the usual, "Oh, you're out of shape, you're out of breath." Then, there was an asthma diagnosis and there were allergies that were diagnosed. Finally, when I just said, "No, there's something severely wrong," I got sent to see the asthma specialist, Dr. George Chandy, who was also a PH specialist coincidentally. What's important to note is that he is a PH specialist, and he was my doctor who diagnosed asthma. He missed my PH at first. So it is really hard to diagnose. But once I really started telling him how debilitating simple things in life had become, he just took the bull by the horns and said, "We're going to give you every test. They're going to get progressive, and hopefully we won't have to go through all the different medical diagnoses, but let's get to the bottom of this." So he was absolutely amazing and fabulous. He solved the mystery. First, I was hospitalized after doing one of the tests because it looked like blood clots on my lungs. But even then, they still were unsure and he pushed forward for another test. When he said, "You don't have blood clots," which to me was such a relief because I'd been injecting my stomach with blood thinners, and that was a horrendous experience. The first thing I said was, "Well, can I stop doing this?" "Yes,” he said. It was like, "Oh, okay. Well, it's pulmonary hypertension. I don't have to give myself needles." At first, I was almost relieved, because I just heard the word hypertension and thought, "Well, lots of people have hypertension. It's not a big deal." But once the disease was explained in detail to me and I looked it up on Google, I did not feel as reassured or good about the diagnosis. I think that's common for patients. The journey is going okay. I was really lucky because I have excellent communication with my doctor and nurse at the pulmonary hypertension clinic. At one point, he had brought up that they were going to do a new trial, a stem cell study. I said, "Okay, sign me up." He said, "Well, you have to meet all these criteria. It's hard to get into." I was really, really lucky, because I did meet every single criteria for the study. I was able to become a participant in that study. I really feel that the stem cells helped me, because I felt better and had more stamina since I had the trial. Well, first of all, with pulmonary hypertension, it's not a one-size-fits-all. It's also your treatment can work and work, and then suddenly it stops working. That was my experience. I was on a drug called Revatio, and my pressures had been under control. Then suddenly, it was getting higher and higher and higher. Dr. Chandy had said, "I don't really like the direction this is going." I said, "Do whatever. I'm game, let's take whatever treatment." When he brought up and explained the stem cell study for me, I said, "That sounds perfect," because you're using your own body's resources. They take your blood, then they take it to a lab, they alter it, they create the stem cells out of your own blood and then inject it back into you. It was a really good treatment, because it was nothing foreign. It was actually my own cells that were working to repair some of the damage from pulmonary hypertension. In Ottawa, we have an incredible group of patients and caregivers. We do have a very active Ottawa support group. We do a lot of activities together. We talk regularly. Through the support group, people knew what I was going through. There was another member of the support group that was also eventually getting the stem cells. Then one person I just talked to in clinic one day, because the clinic days in Ottawa happen on Fridays. So usually if you're in the waiting room, chances are you're with somebody with pulmonary hypertension. We just struck up in a conversation one day. My husband is my biggest support. He is just amazing. He's been through this journey. My husband and I have known each other since we were in grade one and two. We've grown up together and he's my biggest support. Aside from that, having people that understand what I'm going through and the fatigue. When you're an atypical breather in a world of typical breathers, if your cardiac output is less than everybody else's, or your heart's working extra to do what other people just take for granted or do normally, it can be a little isolating or make you feel like you're always catching up, you're always behind the eight ball. It's really nice in the support group because there are people in there that understand exactly what it's like and have similar experiences that we can laugh about and joke about. It's a real comfort level to be amongst, I'd joke and call them my people. When I was originally diagnosed, they recommended that I stop working. But I said that it's part of my personality to teach, and I wasn't ready to stop. So for the past 14 years, I'm still going through adolescence and teaching my grade sevens and eights, but next year will be my last year. I'm ready to retire. I don't shy away. If anybody asks me about my disease, I am right out there. I think education is power. I've met with strangers that I've been introduced to through families or friends who are having similar symptoms just to see if they fit into the box. I'm always going to advocate for this disease, and I hope that someday we do get a cure. My name is Jo-Anne Mainwood, and I'm aware that I'm rare. Learn more about pulmonary hypertension trials at www.phaware.global/clinicaltrials. Follow us on social @phaware Engage for a cure: www.phaware.global/donate #phaware Share your story: [email protected] @phacanada 

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