#it still fucking hurts when I’m still struggling with image issues still

[psychedelic-ink]

.

#I’m so fucking sick of weight still being talked to me #I’m at my grandparent hence why I haven’t been that active #and I don’t have my routine I don’t eat that much #I don’t even binge anymore which I’m proud of #but when I’m here I can’t cook my own meals and when they cook the things I don’t like #I have to eat junk food #then they start say oh you’re a picky eater you only eat junk food that makes you fat bla bla #like I don’t wanna be mad because they’re very old and I do love them #but like #it still fucking hurts when I’m still struggling with image issues still #anyways sorry for rambling #just period brain #and I’m just sick of it like let me be free and do what I want I’m not unhealthy #ghh okay I’m stopping #tw weight #tw eating issues #I guess #delete later

[darklordofthesimp]

i’m sad and hurting my own feelings here.

ghost is..well ghost, and tries to hide feelings right? okay so imagine this.

ghost falls for someone and feels himself getting attached. the other person is obviously attached too bc the feeling is mutual. he picks up on it and decides to start sleeping with other people to try and make his crush fizzle out. probably thinks it’s just purely physical desire and anyone could fix that. nothing as good as his person could possibly happen to him (YOURE WRONG SIMON GET THERAPY)

his crush finds out about the sexcapade and is distraught. like screaming, crying, and throwing up (quite literally) and soap is comforting them. ghost overheard the ordeal and is just like “what the fuck did i do”

Oh my God. But imagine that in the Anything verse???

Ghost and Sunshine acknowledging each other's feelings on their beloved rooftop. Despite all of their harsh edges, somewhere along the line they fell for each other.

Through thick and thin, despite their bickering and their tension, the stolen glances- the stolen touches- have reminded them exactly how they feel.

Except Simon Riley has fallen too hard. It was fine when it was a crush, it was fine when him and Sunshine had slept together in a drunken attempt to forget a bad mission. That had been seeking comfort in each other.

It wasn't fine when he couldn't stop thinking of them. It wasn't fine when anxiety crippled his breathing at the thought of them getting shot. It wasn't fine when he realised he wanted Sunshine all too himself- to call them his.

He needed to get over Sunshine before his stupidity got them both killed.

You can't form attachments in this job.

You can't love in this job.

So he finds Birdy. Birdy, poor and vulnerable Birdy. They hold Ghost on a pedestal, he helped them through so much, he was there for them during their darkest days and slowly put them back on his feet.

He trusted Birdy.

Simon felt frantic when he opened the door to their room. Although they weren't having nightmares anymore they still struggled to sleep, he'd often come to keep them company because he could never sleep either.

Birdy knew the energy was different the second he sat down on the bed with them.

Ghost said nothing, his fingers trembling as he reached for Birdy- praying that they'd let him touch them, begging whatever deity that Birdy would get him over Sunshine.

When Birdy shuddered a breath, and leaned into his touch, he knew that he had them.

One after the other, the layers of their clothing stripped, one after the other, their walls fell. Ghost never let them all down, only one person could have him vulnerable- and it wasn't Birdy.

The door creaked from behind them as Ghost moved against Birdy's body, their breaths painting the room with lewd images.

A glass shattered against the ground from behind them and Ghost turned over his shoulder.

Sunshine stood in the doorway.

Ghost had left the door slightly ajar in his rush to forget them.

"I just-" Sunshine shook, "just wanted to check on Birdy."

Birdy sucked in a breath.

Sunshines eyes hardened as they landed on Ghost. His eyes were wide and distantly he could feel Birdy pulling the covers over where they had split from each other.

"Sorry to interrupt," Sunshine said. Their voice was venomous. The hatred in their eyes shone bright and Ghost was suckerpunched by the sight.

Sunshine would solve their issue for them in their lifelong attempt to never get hurt.

Sunshine would never fucking speak to him again. That didn't mean mission talk, work talk was work talk- but Sunshine would never speak to Simon Riley again.

----

He could hear them sobbing.

The hushed soothing of a man that wasn't him.

He imagined König's fingers smoothing down their hair, his arms wrapped around their wracking body. He imagined the giant man kissing Sunshine's forehead and whispering sweet nothings against their skin from behind that door.

Simon knew he had no right to be there. No right to stand outside König's room listening to the person he loved hyperventilate.

He'd ruined it all.

His inability to love others, he'd fucked his chance to be truly loved.

#simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #simon riley #simon ghost riley #anything lore

[farfromstrange]

The way Matt displays some symptoms of Borderline personality disorder makes me wonder if there’s actually some undiagnosed personality disorder hiding in his brain.

Fear of abandonment, unstable relationships (that he’s at fault for because he pushes people away in an attempt to protect them), explosive anger paired with mood swings, struggling with self-image (that man constantly questions who he is), self-destructive behavior and self-harm (it displays in the way he sabotages his relationships and jumps head-first into danger. He’s abusing alcohol regularly because he’s “had a bad day” and the way he’s getting himself beat in S3 just for the thrill of it borders on serious self-harm tendencies), and his constant suspicions keep him detached from reality (I believe his senses make it easier for him to actually SENSE danger, but he also sometimes sees it when there is none just because he’s been taught to always be vigilant and risk his life if need be). I can’t say if he’s feeling empty, I just remember he said he felt hollow when Elektra almost died, but the way he’s living his life on the edge all the fucking time tells me he’s just trying to feel something, and the sadness he displays and how lost he sounded when he told Karen that he can’t do this alone… yeah, that man is broken inside, barely holding on and extremely mentally unstable.

Matthew has trauma and I’m pretty sure his need to self-destruct stems from a serious high-functioning depression he refuses to address or get help with because “he’s fine, he doesn’t need therapy”, and that is all caused by the trauma of the accident, his dad dying and then what Stick did with him. He thinks asking for help is weakness and he doesn’t want to hurt the people he cares about, which he does though with the way he treats himself and drives a wedge between them because he’s so scared of losing them that he pushes them away in an attempt to shield himself, and it’s a spiral that just keeps on going down and he can’t get out of it. A mouse on a wheel that can’t escape, almost. He knows he needs help, maybe it’s his father’s voice in his head, but he can’t take it because he feels responsible. He feels responsible for everything bad in the world and wants to change it, but he can’t fix everything so he constantly beats himself up for it (and gets beaten). Like I stated above, his need to self-destruct is greater than self-preservation – he protects his heart by pushing people away, but doesn’t want to lose them either, so he either holds on too tight or not at all. Unstable relationships, as mentioned above.

It all leads back to the trauma Stick inflicted on him. So I’m slightly torn about the BPD suspicions because he’s only started displaying those symptoms after his dad died and Stick started training him. He twisted all of Matt’s views, and even though he’s trying hard to fight what he put in his head, Stick is always whispering in his ear and it makes him sabotage everything around him for what he thinks is right. While he displays personality disorder symptoms, serious ones at that, it might just be a trauma response, or perhaps he inherited something from his mother after all and he’s had the genetic predisposition since he was born. Mental illness is hereditary, after all. Not always, but if your parents are sick, the likelihood that you will get sick too is extremely high because your brain has a serious hormonal imbalance from the beginning.

I understand where Matt comes from, but I just wish my boy would go about this differently. He has friends, he needs to let them be a part of his life. And he realizes that at the end of S3 after Foggy swore to hold on to him, not leave like everyone else did, and that’s twisted on his part because Matt hurt him and he had every right to leave, but he doesn’t and Matt eventually realizes that he’s not alone. But he still needs to work through his issues and all the trauma inflicted on him ever since he could think.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

#matt murdock #character study #daredevil #human disaster matt murdock #sorry for the rant #matt murdock imagines #matt murdock angst #matt murdock x reader

[etherealinowrites]

stray kids reacting to your father being emotionally abusive/maknae line

TW// mentions of anxiety, panic, suicidal thoughts, emotionally abusive family, gaslighting, troubled childhood, an asshole dad, eating disorders, reader who recovered from binge eating disorder so mentions of weight gain and loss, swearing, mentions of physical fighting

pairing- slightly chubby female reader x stray kids member

requested- yes

wc- around 0.5K for each member so 2K in total

part one, reactions masterlist, skz masterlist

taglist: @dreamescapeswriting @cocainee-queen @lix-ables @eastleighsblog @mwitsmejk @im-the-charmer

background-

“as if, look at her. i remember her taking gym during high school. haha! she would be out of breath in like, minutes.” you dad laughed, a glass of alcohol in his grip as he roared around the dinner table. “her and workout with a man as fit as you? impossible.”

your mother sent weak looks at him, then looked down, unable to say anything.

you sighed, rolling your eyes and sipping on some water while you dug your nails into your palm. old habits do die hard it seems.

after months of talking, you had finally agreed to come to one family dinner to introduce your boyfriend. however, you hadn’t expected your dad to be that much of an idiot and still joke about your sensitive points.

jisung

your hands had begun shaking from the amount of thoughts running through your head. hung down as you stared hard the floor, you tried to level your breathing as your father went on and on about all the ways in which you were horrible.

jisung couldn’t help the frown that he'd begun forming on his face. he knew your dad was not the best person in your life but you had never told him just how horrible he was? jisung sighed deeply once, trying to brush his anger away and turned to look at you.

the way your figure shook slightly under the words and your eyes had turned glassy made his frown turn into an angry scowl. 

within minutes his hand was on yours, holding it warmly in his grasp. you looked up, and he all but smiled at you with the most understanding look in his eyes. “its okay baby, i am here.” he mouthed, caressing his thumb on your hand as you began to tune out what your father had been crying about.

“i mean, i’m just being honest really, she was fa-” your dad continued, horribly making fun of you but jisung had has enough, he’d seen enough of you trying to let it go and your shivering figure made him snap.

“sir, we came here for a good time, but honestly this is not how you treat your guests.” jisung’s calm outburst had you biting your lip as your father sneered.

“oh why, does it hurt knowing how bad your girlfriend is? does it hurt realising the truth and knowing she lied to you-”

jisung let out a loud scoff as he frowned and pushed his chair back. “listen you old man, you are the one who needs to do some ‘realisation’ here okay? it's you who’s fucked in the head if you think that a person is only to be judged by their body, what the fuck is even wrong with anyone’s body? y/n was beautiful and will always be no matter what size she wears or what workouts she does. whatever y/n tells me is our business and for your kind information, she has told me all about her struggles and your shitty parenting so you don’t have to be an asshole anymore got it?” 

jisung got up, adjusting his clothes as he extended a hand to you. “let’s go baby, we don't need him talking to us anymore.”

you both ignored the indecent curses from your father as you nodded, grateful for his side by yours as he softly kissed your knuckles and led you out the door.

felix

felix was very protective of you, and his protectiveness had just increased tenfold when you'd told him about your past struggles with food, eating, body image and mental issues. he cherished you to bits and he couldn’t stand knowing that something was capable of hurting you when he was there to protect you.

naturally, it came as a huge shock to him when he realised that the biggest source for those issues was none other than the man you called father. 

he knew that you and him had a delicate relationship but he never knew just how delicate it was, to the point of it being non existent.

disgusted by your fathers words, he didn't waste a second and taking your hands, lifting you up. ““i mean, i’m just being honest really, she was fa-” your dad continued, making felix’s expression turn to stone.

“shut the fuck up, you dickhead.” felix growled, making you widen your eyes as your father looked taken aback.

“what the-.” your father cursed back, angering felix further.

“what? you think you can just sit here an insult my y/n just because you’re her father? well news flash, her boyfriend loves her the same and even more now, bloody thanks to you for making him realise how brave she has been for suffering through life with a sorry excuse of a father like you.” felix spat, making you stare at him in awe.

“oh and just for the record, i would love y/n regardless of her appearance.” felix yelled over his back as he led you both out.

seungmin

seungmin was someone was very practical in every situation. never mind how panic inducing, seungmin always maintained his cool however. seeing your father continuously insult was pricking his nerve.

he tried to control himself. really, you’d told him multiple times about how your father and you had a broken relationship yet he had no idea it was this bad. he almost felt guilty for not realising this sooner.

when he realised how abusive your father was and how much you’d actually endured and still were, he took a deep breath before taking your trembling hands.

“we’re leaving you shit ass excuse of a father.” was all seungmin spat your father who looked shocked.

“let’s go baby, these people don’t deserve our time.” he calmly helped you get up, holding you close as he pressed a kiss to your forehead.

“i have always loved y/n since i met her and i always will no matter what she looks like or what she does. she is perfect to me in every way.” he hissed at your father angrily, making your turn as he led you out the door.

“don’t worry baby, we won’t ever come back. you know that i love you right?”

jeongin

jeongin waited, clenching his fists under the table as he took deep breaths. he hated people like your father, people who had little to no sense of common etiquette. he hated these kinds even more when they affected you in a negative way.

he could only grit his teeth in silent anger as he remembered his promise to you to no react. he knew very well about your father's horrible nature towards you but this was something that crossed all lines.

even for what you had warned him about, this was seriously a real human violation in jeongin's eyes. his eyes snapped dangerously towards your father as he realised with a sinking realisation that your parents were unaware of your past struggles with mental health and disorders. disturbed to his core, he let out a deep breath before he turned to check in on you.

the sight of you scrunched inwards, head down and shivering hands snapped the last piece of restraint that had him holding.

“i mean, i’m just being honest really, she was fa-” your dad continued but jeongin had had enough.

"thats it!" he cried out, leaning down to stare your father in the eyes. "i will not sit idly while you disrespect my y/n with that filthy mouth of yours. have some sense as a human you prick. don't ever invite us here ever again or i swear i will punch you in your shitty face, got?" he growled lowly, his hometown accent creeping into tone that made his threat seem scarily realistic.

"lets go love, they don't deserve our time." he turned to you, voice in a completely different tone as he softly took your hands, cooing at you to stand up.

"you know that i will alwasy love you babe right?" he sighed, pressing a kiss to your head as he mumbled in your head.

"i love you too, thank you jeongin."

--

a/n: i hope you like it!

#kflixnet #kdiarynet #stray kids #stray kids raections #skz reactions #stray kids comfort #stray kids fluff #skz comfort #skz fluff #skz jisung #skz felix #skz jeongin #skz seungmin #stray kids imagines #stray kids scenarios #stray kids chubby reader #stray kids x reader #stray kids x you #stray kids scenario #skz scenario #skz imagines #skz drabbles #skz imagine #skz scenarios #skz x reader #skz x you #stray kids reaction #stray kids reactions

[freckles-dean]

Here are some of my thoughts on Young Royals S3 ep 1-5

I’m just rambling here. This is probably going to be long, all over the place and not well articulated, so bear with me. 

And before I talk about the show, I just need to say that it never ceases to amaze me how incredibly talented all the actors are.

First of all, I don’t blame either Simon or Wilhelm. They are in an incredibly stressful situation. They are bound to make mistakes and I think their actions while being stubborn and lacking common sense are understandable.

I really loved Simon this season and i was so exited there was more of a focus on him. We finally got to some of how everything affected him. It broke my heart to notice he wasn’t the loudest in the choir anymore and then him saying he’s not enjoying music. Side note: Dude had some banger lines this season 

I find it ironic that everything that Wille found attractive in Simon’s in s1 became things that Simon has to shut down in order to be with him

If you told yesterday me that today me was actually okay with an August redemption arc, I would not have believed you. This in no way excuses his behavior, and he still has a lot to work on, but I think it was one of my favorite parts of this season. 

I am not at all surprised by the Erik thing. since s1 I kept wondering when Willie's perfect image of him would come crumbling down, but can’t imagine how devastating it would be to learn that the person who was there for you the most was not this perfect person you thought they were and might not even accept you.

I was rooting hard for Micke and Sara. I knew it was unrealistic that he wasn’t going to hurt her again, but it was still so heartbreaking that he couldn’t pull it together for her. I think there are bigger issues going on than his ADHD that needs to be handled. 

Why does the queen get space and help with her anxieties and grief, but when Wilhelm is struggling he gets no support and is seen as embarrassing and problematic???? 

Why the fuck was it Wilhelm's responsibility to teach Simon what not to do? Obviously, this kid who has never been in the public eye has no idea what he should or shouldn’t do, it almost seems like it was deliberate to get Wilmons relationship to fail idk. It would have been so easy to get something to teach him some basic media training. It's just disturbing how the court had absolutely zero regard for Simon’s safety. 

I’ve seen people talk about Wilhelm being controlling over Simon. Is it acceptable or excusable behavior? Absolutely not, but let me put things into perspective. Wilhelm was raised in an abusive and very controlling environment. His opinions and feelings didn’t matter, and he was told it was love, so it made sense that he would try to do the same for Simon and expected him to go along with it. I think expecting Wilhelm to have healthy relationship skills is unrealistic, and the show never pretended he did. It’s been pretty obvious throughout that Wilhelm consistently projects his feelings and emotions onto other people. 

I still don't know if Simon was breaking up with Wille or not, or they were just trying to frame it that way to scare us (honestly hoping it leads into a more mature conversation), but if he was… Wilhelm had it coming. He hasn’t been handling things very well and is taking it out on Simon, which is just not okay, and he doesn’t deserve that.  

Before this season, I wasn’t sure how I felt about Wille abdicating, cause i still had this fantasy in my head of him as this queer king, but after everything I’ve seen this season, it’s so obvious how much this institution is killing him. He needs to get out and heal from his traumas and find out who he really is without all those rules and pressures.

I don’t even know if I want Wilmon to be an endgame. Obviously, I do, but at this point, I don’t think that’s what’s best for either of them. It’s been very clear this season how much they don’t (at the moment) fit into each other's lives.. Either some major things have to change (Wille abdicating) or they need to split up. I just hope that both boys get a good ending, even if it’s not with each other. 

I don’t know... I’m emotionally exhausted, there are so many plot lines and I really don’t know how they are going to fix everything in one episode.

#young royals #yr s3 spoilers

[romanarose]

For the Longest Time: Chapter 8 Part 2

William Miller x Fem!OC (Lorelei Giang)

Masterlist : Triple Frontier Masterlist :Playlist

Join my taglist!

Summary: Bickering and THEN FUCKING!

Warnings: Bickering, Lorelei's issues WIIIIIIITH: Body image, her body count, her daddy and mommy issues, racist white men, military men, generational trauma, implied horrors committed during the vietnam war, trust issues. Will issues wiiiiiiith horrific child abuse, OCD, Benny, his back! Benny's issues wiiiith bulimia, ALICE. FUCKING. PIV sex, blowjob, dick so big it kinda hurts, lil cock waming, smooching smooching smooching, aftercare.

A/N: Okay now chapter 8 is fucking done. I cannot fucking wait for chapter 9 bc it's gonna be SO FUCCCCCCCKING DRAMATIC. We fianlly will get the full scope of what Alice is doing to our dear Benny and why Benny isnt himself.

**************

Lorelei packed her things in the hotel room in a fury, hobbling around in bare feet but still wearing her dress. She wanted out, she wanted to go home. 

After she had cried out all her tears on Frankie’s chest, he guided her over the table, his arm fast around her still. For a moment she worried Jana would be suspicious of her, but Jana wasn’t a jealous woman. She took a napkin, dipping it in water and stood to wipe off the make-up that had smeared. 

“I think I’m gonna just go to my room…” Lorelei mutters with a sniffle. Jana stands up and puts her flats back on.

“I’ll come with.”

“No, thank you.” She shook her head, gathering her things but not looking at either of them. “I’m just gonna go home. Thank you, both of you.” And she meant it. Lorelei left, heading out of the ballroom and around the maze of the fancy hotel until she found her room again.

Lorelei wasn’t sure what she wanted, she wasn’t sure why she was so goddamn mad. Maybe it was the hormones, maybe it was the frustration of a long night, worry for Ben, anger at Alice for what she’s doing to him and things she’s said to Laci. Maybe she was just tired. Or maybe she was struggling with the fact that when she allowed herself to fall into him, the vulnerability was betrayed. She felt bad that she didn’t ask what Will saw, and that she didn’t follow him to confront Benjamin and Alice, but she was too wrapped up in her own thoughts to carry that much further.

“Lore? What are you doing?” Will’s voice was soft and cautious as he entered the room. Lorelei kept her back to him, shoving her clothes into her bag. 

“I’m going home, Will.”

There was a pause. “...To Philly?”

Lorelei stopped, hanging her head and sighing before she turned around to face him. “No, William. That’s not my home. I’m gonna call a taxi back to town, you stay here and sleep outside Ben’s door or something, I don’t care.” She turned back to her work, trying to keep her make-up and skin care organized still.

“Lorelei, I’m sorry for leaving you on the dance floor, I am, Fish already chewed me out.”

“I get it. It’s fine. Ben or more important to you than me, that makes sense.”

“Baby, what are you-”

She was practically shoving things in her bag now, anger making her less organized. “He’s family. Chloe’s family. I’m just here to help you fulfill your dreams of fatherhood, although you parent Ben enough I don’t how much time you’ll have for her.”

“Don’t say-”

Lorelei didn’t mean a word she said, but the words poured out of her uncontrollably. “He’s your brother, I’m just some bitch you came inside.”

“Lore!” Will strode over to where she was, gently turning her to take a look at him, finding tears in her eyes as she gazed up. “Don’t you ever talk about yourself like that. Ever. You understand me? Do you really think when we had sex, it meant nothing to me? Lorelei Giang, I have wanted you since the day I met you, you know how disappointed I was when Ben said you had a boyfriend? Every time, every fucking time I ran into you, I ran those scenes through my head for hours, trying to memorize all the details because that is all I thought I’d have.” His face is earnest, pleading, begging her to understand what she meant to him. “What we shared that night was something beautiful, Lorelei, and out of it came our daughter, out of it came our friendship. Our friendship is something I value, but Lore, you’re crazy if you think that’s all I want.”

She was unsure how to take his words, standing there with his hand on her shoulder still. She took a step back, letting his hand drop. “What do you want, William?”

He sighed, exasperated. “I want you, Lorelei, why is that so hard for you to understand?”

“I have no doubt you want me,” She emphasized, crossing her arms and putting that symbolic barrier up. “That’s not the point. You think I don’t want you? You think that I haven’t gotten myself off to the memory of that night 100 times? You think I could watch you take care of Rosie, watch how you love your friends, see you smile and laugh and protect me and look so goddamn tall doing it and NOT fall in love with you?”

Her words fell heavy in the air, tension and frustration and love and longing all swirling around, suffocating the room.

“You love me?” Will asked, quiet and hesitant.

Lorelei threw up her hands. “Of course I do, William! Have you any idea what it's like to live with you every day and see the kind of man you are and not fucking suck your dick about it?” 

Will blinked in confusion for a moment before his brain caught up. “They whyyyy aren’t we together?”

“I DON’T KNOW!”

Will watched her for a moment, as beautiful as ever in her red dress, even though most of her make up was off. Perfection. 

“Lore… I know you’ve been hurt real bad. I know your dads, Tyler, all the men in your life have failed you none fucking stop, but-”

“But what? You’re different? You’d be better? You’d never kick me out or hit me r call me a whore-”

“YES!”

“Do you have any idea the amount of men I’ve slept with, Will?”

“I don’t care, I really don’t.”

She threw up her hands. “I’m 34, only a few relationships in my life, several men  per year, several per month sometimes-”

Gentle, Will stepped up, gathering both of her hands into his. When she didn’t pull away, he brought them to his lips, kissing the knuckles as he looked down at her. After pause, he spoke quietly. “Why are you telling me this.”

The tears were hot down her face, streaming down heavily. Lorelei looked up at Will, his kind eyes willing and open. It all came out. “Because you don’t love me, men don’t love me. They want me. They want to fuck me, and that’s fine, I like to fuck but they always think they can change me. Men, and please don’t take this the wrong way, but especially white men and military men,” Will was both. “See asian women a certain way. They think we’re submissive, quiet, virginial. You ever watch 90-Day Fiance? The amount of men that seek out women from Asia, like the Philpines, they always say creepy as shit about what they want in a woman, and they are sorely fucking dissapointed when they realiz we are real fucking people not a fuck doll that cooks for you!”

Still holding her hands, bringing them to this chest, he made sure the grip wasn’t tight. He didn’t want her to feel trapped, like he’d hold her there. He’d never force her to do anything or stay anywhere she did not want. “Princess, do you think I think that way? Do you think I don’t see you as a person?” He tried not to sound offended, like it was a personal attack. While he knew he wasn’t the sort of man she was describing, and he hoped she didn’t see him that way, he knew that she lived an experience he would never fully understand. The best he could do was listen, and not be on the defense.

Lorelei shook her head, “No, I don’t think you are… it’s just… I’m Vietnamese, Will. Do you have any idea what happened to Vietnamese woman when American soldiers came?”

Will could feel his skin grow hot. He did know, he knows that sexual abuse of women in general by military men but especially the native women in foreign wars was a massive fucking problem, and he knew the Vietnam war was some of the worst out there. He knew that that sort of generational trauma would not just go away by him being nice.

“I’m not saying you’re like that-”

“I get it.” Will reassured. “I understand, I’ve heard and delt with men in my tropes that talked about wanting to get stationed in South Korea or other Asian bases. And for what it’s worth, which I know isn’t a lot, I’m really fucking sorry you have felt this way you’re whole life.” It all made sense. Her being sexualized her whole life, the push to be submissive, which is a word Will would never describe her as, nor would she want to. The abuse from her step-dad, abandonment from her bio dad… it was a miracle that she came out of it all as well adjusted as she was. Will was so fucking proud of her.

Lorelei sniffles, calming down more in Will’s firm touch. “It’s not just that. My mom and step-dad didn’t help, always making me feel like my worth was tied to my looks when I have so much more to offer.”

“You do, you are so fucking wonderful, Lorelei.” He let go of her hands and for a moment she lamented the loss, but was quickly comforted by a strong, bear hug, ever-careful of the swell of her stomach. “I understand why you’re hesitant to get back in a relationship. I understand if you don’t want to be with me, now or ever.” Will took her face in his hands, guiding her to look up at him. Her he loved her dark eyes, the way her face was full as she gained weight, he loved her thick, strong hair and those creases between her eyebrows and on her forehead from frowning. He loved her. “But I swear to you, Lorelei, I love you exactly as you are. I don’t need nor want whatever version other men have tried to force you into, I don’t love you because you are the mother of my children, I don’t want you to look or act any way other than yourself. I love you in all your badass, take-no-shit, sweet-as-pie, caretaking, punch-your-stupid-ex-until-he-lost-a-tooth” Lore giggled at that, making Will smile. “Pin-up model, strong-as-hell, James-Dean-loving, sexy-as-shit madness.”

He kissed her forehead. He kissed her nose.

Lorelei pulled on his tie and to her lips, kissing him hard, passionate and wet.

Their first kiss.

Will returned it with no hesitation, opening his mouth to her and wrapping her up in his strong grasp. He’s intoxicating, swallowing up her insecurities, her fears, her tongue, all in a desperate pursuit for Will to make her feel like she’s worthy, like she’s safe. Will explores every inch of her mouth, the chip in the the moller from her brother putting pebbles in her food, the snaggled canine and her uneven front teeth from her never wearing her retainer since the week she got her braces off. The faint taste of red lipstick.

He tries to pull away, but is still desperate to be close that Will keeps his lips pressed against hers.  “What does this mean?” He pants, “for us?”

“It’s means I wanna fuck you.” She pulls him close by his belt, feeling a hardening bulge against her swollen belly.

“Lorelei.”  His breath was hot against her skin, voice strained like it was taking everything in him not to fuck her into the mattress right then and there.

“It means…” She goes for his belt buckle, desparate and needy and so goddamn horny for him, having fuck no one but a vibrator in months, and that was getting more and more difficult. “That I want to be with you, Will, if you’ll be patient.”

“I will.” The belt slide off.

Next, she went for the maroon sports coat. “And you’ll call me out when I’m being a brat.”

She felt him smirk against her before going back to kissing, and undoing the corset top with a little tug. “I always do.”

Her touch slowed, just a bit as Lorelei’s voice dropped an octave. More gentle. “And will you let me take care of you, so you don’t gotta carry everything on your shoulders?”

His touch slowed in time with hers, the kisses less frantic, less consuming. Taking their time. “Y-” Will stops, almost like he’s hesitating in the promise. He swallows thickly. “yes…” He slowly unlaced the dress, fingers warm against her skin.

Lorelei begins unbuttoning his shirt, but stops when she remembers. Shirt stays on. “Sorry” She whispers, and begins to rebutton what she did, resting her forehead on the peak of his chest still exposed. “Sorry…”

Will’s hands stopped her fingers. She looked up at him. Will wanted her, he wanted her fully and she’d shown him so many harsh parts of herself… but this was something he needed time for. It had taken a long time before he was comfortable with Emily seeing this.

“Just… don’t touch my back, okay?” A compromise. A start.

“Okay.” Lorelei nodded and whispered, continuing to unbutton. “You can take off my dress.” She knew he’d want permission before making a move like that. Shaking fingers on her shoulders, sliding down her arms and over the floral tattoo on the upper half. He pushes the loose dress down gently. She takes on her black panties. Then, her body is exposed fully to him. Although they’d been nearly naked together before, this felt new/ Much more vulnerable. 

“Fucking beautiful.”

Looking in the mirror the last few months, she didn’t feel beautiful. She was growing accustomed with how her body was changing, she was bring a life into the world, for fucks sake. Still, she didn’t feel beautiful. Right now, with Will. She felt fucking sexy.

She went back to unbuttoning him, with every few inches of skin exposed, Lorelei planted kisses on his chest, never breaking contact with his baby blues. Lower, lower still she sunk down as she kissed him, down to the ever so slight swell of a belly. Hitting the gym couldn’t stop the fact he was nearly forty,, and they’d be snacking pretty heavily the last few months. She loved every inch. As she kissed down his happy trail, sinking to her knees and unbuttoning his pants, Will tried to insist she didn’t have too. Yeah, she knew that. But her mouth was fucking watering for it.

It happened slow, it HAD TOO, he was so fucking huge she had to take her time. And Frankie was supposed to be BIGGER? Jesus fucking Christ. As Lorelei swallowed him, lower and lower down his shaft each time, she felt him fully. The hair on his thighs as she licked the salt pre-cum off his tip. The scar, clearly a bullet wound, on his abdomen as she sucked on his balls. Her painted red nails digging into the meat of his ass as she gagged around him, attempting to bury her face in his blonde hairs, but not quite getting there.

It was only when she gagged hard that Will pulled Lorelei off him, slightly in awe as the strong of spit connected from her mouth to his cock. “C’mon, lemme feel you.”

“But I wanna take you all the-”

His large, pale hand found her golden brown face. “We’ll have plenty of time for that later, princess.”

Princess.

She kissed him, hard and passionate and all consuming as she pushed his naked, perfect body to the bed, making him sit. “Need you inside me.”

“Baby, let me open you up first-”

“William Miller.” She took the moment to be taller than him, admittedly still not by much. “I have wanted to fuck you so goddamn bad since the second your dick pulled out of me, and I opened myself up this morning on a massive pink fucking dildo because I am incomprehensibly horny every goddamn day.” Lorelei pinched his cheeks, dark eyes intense. “If you’re not inside me soon, I will literally cry so goddamn hard you have no idea.”

After a beat, Will burst out into bellowing laughter that Lorelei mirrored in giggles, squealing when he picked her up and placed her to straddle over his body. Loreilei knelt on the bed, excitement thrilling her, filling her with electricity that she couldn’t doubt for a second Will was feeling as he smiled up at her. “You know…” She spoke softly, cardingehr fingers through his blonde hair. “Our first time was special…”

“I know.” He matched her soft tone, caressing over her stomach. He loved Lorelei and Chloe with everything in him. “I know…”

“But this?” A kiss on the forehead, adoring the way his fingers squeezed her hips. “This feels like the first time. Our first real time…”

“I know exactly what you mean…” His voice was nothing short of wonder.

Eyes shut tight, Lorelei lined herself up with Will’s cock, gripping his shoulders and resisting the urge to hold onto his back. He was so much, was he always this much? She was definitely swollen, feeling much more sensitive as she slowly took him. Will didn’t pull her down like many men before, instead she realized he was holding her up with his hands under her ass, allowing her to go at her own pace. When she finally took all of him inside her, sighing in relief as she was spread across him.

“Let’s just stay like this for a minute.” William whispered in her ear, playing with her hair. He must have known how overwhelming it felt for her.

She nodded, eyes still closed tight, holding onto him. She felt full, so goddamn full it was unreel, her walls pulsing around him and struggling to adjust.

“I’m gonna touch you, beautiful girl, okay? Gonna make it easier.” While one hand never left her hair, Will’s right hand went between her legs, playing with her clit. Small circles, playing with the pressure until he heard her whimper. “Ah, just like that?” He continued at the pace she seemed to like, wet slick coking his fingertips. It didn’t take long for a small orgasm to take her over, just enough to allow her to relax and provide extra natural lubrication.

Still Will didn’t pressure her to move. Lorelei stayed like that, clinging to him like her rock in the ocean as her orgasm subsided. It was then she opened her eyes. In there frenzy, neither of them had taken note of the mirror right above their headboard. A well-placed mirror was nothing new to Lorelei, but this was not that scenario. She wasn’t admiring hers or a partner's body, she wasn’t using the scene as porn… she was looking at Will’s back.

All across it were lacerations. Broad or small, mangling his skin up and down his back. Whippings if she had to guess. And from his dad was her first guess. He said he was above, he said he hit them… she never could have imagined it was anything like this. She wondered how many of these lashings he’d taken for Benny. 

Slowly, she began moving, up and down on him, tears in her eyes. She couldn’t protect him as a child. She couldn’t protect him as a teen. She wasn’t there to hold him or nurse him back to health. But she’d be there from now on, taking care of him and his racing mind and their precious child.

With his hands on her waist, he aided her as she rode him. Up and down, he filled Lorelei up over and over again, turning her into a moaning mess as he gazed up at her in adoration. She was his everything. His two girls, in his arms at this moment.

“I love you, Will, I fucking love you.” She felt buried in him, just as he buried himself into her cunt, everything that surrounded her was William. Nothing mattered but William. She didn’t need to wonder why her dad left, because Will wouldn’t leave. She didn’t need to wonder why Tyler hit her, because Will would rather die. She didn’t need to wonder why she wasn’t enough for her family because she was enough for him.

“I love you, Lorelei, I love you so goddamn much and I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry this whole time I made you think I didn’t.” His eyes shone with tears, just as hers did. Their faces came crashing together, faces ever-so-slightly wet with a mix of soft tears.

Together, they orgasmed in unison. 

Together.

Will fell backwards on the bed, taking Lorelei with him in his arms. He pulled out carefully, so, so carefully, and even still she whimpered a bit. Will kissed her forehead with an apology, then went to get some things to clean her up. When he walked back, naked and broad, a sun god in all his glory, his stride stuttered a bit at he took note of the mirror.

He didn’t say anything at first. William cleaned between her legs, telling her how good she did, how pretty she was, how much he loved her. Then, after putting her in his sweats and t shirt and pulling pants on himself, Will nudged her exhausted body until her head rested on his lap. There, he did as much of her face routine as he could without a sink. He wiped up all her make-up, then used cotton pads to apply toner. Finally, he took out a serum she brought and her jade roller, dripping it on her face and carefully rolling it.

“So, I assume you saw my back then?”

“Yeah.” Lorelei whispered. “We don’t gotta talk about it.” She sounded sleepy, Will’s touch oh-so soothing. The jade roller felt nice. “I won’t touch your back or anything until you’re ready. Even if that’s never.”

William smiled at her, Lorelei’s loose curls falling all around his lap. “Thank you, princess. I’ll tell you about it, I swear. Just not now.”

“Okay.” Drifting off, she had enough energy to reach up and touch Williams face. “Baby?”

“Hm?” He asked, eyes steady on his work. He didn’t wanna miss any parts, but he didn't want it in her eyes or mouth.

“What happened with Ben?”

Will sighed, putting down the jade roller. He thought back to the moment he left Lorelei. It was stupid, he knew. Not a lot should be able to pull him away from dancing with the love of his life. But when he saw Ben, knuckles bright red and face puffy, he knew the signs. There was no denying it, and he knew it was Alice’s fault, with the comments she’d been making on his eating.

“He’s throwing up again.”

**********************

MAAAAAN THIS IS THE MOST LONGEST SMUT IVE WRITTEN IN A WHILE

I hope this all seemed to flow naturally. I was trying to hit all the points I wanted to ;-;

ANYWAY get ready to dread the next chapter lolololololol

Please let me know how you felt about them getting together <3

@pimosworld @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @whatthefishh @missdictatorme @milkymoon2483 @poeedameronn @itspdameronthings @miraclesabound @babymills16 @rayslittlekitten @kirsteng42

#William miller #will ironhead miller #triple frontier #William miller x oc #William miller smut #william miller angst #William miller comfort #fem oc #triple frontier fanfiction #william miller fanfiction #william ironhead miller #will miller fanfiction #charlie hunnam #charlie hunnam smut

[lilliths-httyd-blog]

Hello friend, I’m back :) I saw that your one shot requests are tentatively open, and I have been thinking about an idea for a bit now. I love your Face in the Mirror fic so, so much— I have body image issues and excoriation disorder, so mirrors are the bane of my existence— and seeing the way you describe Viggo struggling with that both broke my heart and brought me so much relief. I was wondering if you would be willing to write (totally understand if you don’t have the time, or don’t like the idea!!) a kind of “continuation” of the themes you explored— even while living with Hiccup on the edge, he still has those issues, especially with mirrors and his scar. One day he can’t stop staring at (and hating) his own reflection, which leads him to scratching at the scarred side of his face until it bleeds, but he can’t seem to stop. That’s how Hiccup finds him… with lots of hurt/comfort ofc.

Again, if you’re too busy with other writing projects (or just life in general) or don’t like the idea, I completely understand!!

Have a wonderful day lovely :)

OhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHH fUCK YES FUC OHHHHH I LOVE THIS IDEA-

i have too many wips right now so i dont want to start a new one. what i CAN do for you is try to insert that sort of theme into my pre-existing wips. i have one already which involves viggo's self hatred, part of this wip touches on body image issues. i can also try to find ways to write something along the lines of what you suggested (mirrors etc) into some more wips, i'll just have to do some thinking (cracks open my fanfiction ideas book and starts scouring)

also dannnnnnng you have this uncanny ability to send me lovely asks when i need them the most like how sweet are you??? lol

#viggo grimborn #httyd fanfiction #answered asks #body image tw #race to the edge

[gurugirl]

The Tiffany Club Part 17*

Summary: Some domestic sweetness for the lovebirds and talk of a trip to London for the both of them and then the rest is just smut

Warnings: Smut (f receiving oral + piv), spitting, unprotected sex, cream pie, spanking, use of a belt, and dd/lg dynamic

Part 16*

Part 17*

Quitting Tiffany’s was bittersweet. Of course, Harry was the biggest factor in me leaving the club but now that we have told one another how we feel, along with how much I trust him and the way he treats me, I can’t deny that it’s a decision that also makes me happy. I’m probably getting in over my head with this sudden decision but it just feels so right. To be taken care of by the man. To be loved by him. It’s hard to put into words.

Breaking the news to Edmond was also hard. I couldn’t reach out to him through normal channels because he’s married and I would never do anything to betray him in that way in case his wife would find out about me.

So, his last session was mostly us just chatting and lying together. Edmond said he understood and that he wasn’t hurt by it at all but he was sad to say goodbye. He insisted on paying me the full ten grand for the session, even though nothing remotely sexual happened. I’d promised Harry I wouldn’t do anything with Edmond like that and at the beginning of our session I told Edmond I wasn’t going to have him charged and then explained why. But he maintained that he wanted to pay me one last time because I was so special to him.

And now, as I sit here in the huge condo Harry bought while he’s away at a meeting it all feels so surreal. So strange. I love it but I’m still on edge because I always feel like something could change at any moment – something could take all this away and I’d be back to square one. On my last day at Tiffany’s my boss told me that they would always have me back if I chose to return, which helps me feel much better about everything, but now my focus is Harry and preserving our relationship, what we have together.

I’ve also found that I’m becoming happier with eating a little more now that I’m not full on display like I was at Tiffany’s. Harry encouraged it even.

“You know you can eat normal around me, right? I think you’re fucking gorgeous the way you are but you don’t have to be so strict. Really. No pressure but please don’t feel you need to continue being so restrictive with you diet.” He’d said it to me one afternoon when we went out to grab lunch. I didn’t realize he’d noticed my struggle at all. I just stared at him in surprise and he laughed.

With his hands raised in surrender, “Please don’t take it like I’m trying to police what you eat. I just thought I’d say something. Baby, if you want to eat that last taco, then fucking eat it. You have nothing to worry about with me. Just make yourself happy.” He kissed the top of my head as I sat silent. I didn’t know how to respond to him. It was a surprise that he noticed it. And it was nice to hear that he did notice it in a way. I think it made me feel more free and relaxed. More at peace in life. Nothing hidden anymore.

So, I’ve been working on being more comfortable with eating more and feeling okay about it. I didn’t realize the toll it had taken on me mentally, working at Tiffany’s. The body image issues, the need for perfection. But it was my job. So, I try not to beat myself up over the self-training I put myself through to restrict my calorie intake. And I don’t have to now. I have no pressure to change from Harry, but I know that I should, for myself, so I can be in a healthier place in my mind. The idea of gaining even a single pound scares me a bit, but I’ve been working on it. Slowly.

When Harry came home, quite early might I add, I was in the middle of making notes for my research. I heard the door open, and Barry’s click-clacking jog as he ran to the door to greet the new man in his life. Harry and Barry were quite well bonded at this point; Barry preferring to sit closer to Harry on the couch than me. But that might just be because Harry is quite the sucker when it comes to sharing his food with Barry.

And let me tell you, getting their names correct all the time is quite the challenge. When I’m talking to Harry and I say his name, Barry is right there because he thinks I’ve just called his name. And sometimes I call Barry Harry and vice versa. It’s fun.

I greet Harry with a hug and a kiss and he returns the gesture, “Missed my girl. Had to come home early to you. How’s your day been?” God I love his voice and the way he cares for me.

“Fine. Just doing the usual, holed up in the office and putting some stuff together for my piece. You home for the rest of the day?”

Harry nodded down at me, keeping his arms wrapped around me, holding me close to him, another kiss, this time to my forehead, “Yes. Everything at the office is taken care of today. And anyway, I can come and go as I please. I’m the boss, baby.” Harry's smirk was cocky and sure.

“You are the boss, daddy.” I smushed my face into his chest and inhaled. Harry was comfort.

We both talked about our day and then made dinner together before eating. It felt very domestic and very peaceful, but it still seems very surreal. Like I’m Cinderella and pulled out of a thankless job to marry the Prince who will always love me and take care of me. Not something I've been accustomed to but something I can surely grow to love.

“What are you thinking about, my love?” Harry chewed his bite as he watched me.

“Just how I feel so, at ease now. Like I can breathe a little. Just happy is all.” I reached my hand out to squeeze his forearm with a smile on my face.

“I love you. You make me feel the same way. S’why I couldn’t wait to get home to you today. Just wanted to breathe.”

“I love you too, Harry.” I said smiling brightly at him.

Harry grinned and leaned forward on the table, his demeanor suddenly changed to a little more serious, “I have to go back to London at the end of next week. Just found out today. There’s a big investor coming and London is where they’d prefer to meet so I go wherever they want. I’m the boss at the company but all the big investors are the ones keeping it that way.” He laughs, “Would you like to come with me? The meetings themselves will only be for two days, but if you come, we could spend more time there if you wanted, make it a week and we could do a little vacation. How does that sound?”

I imagined what it would be like going to London with Harry. It sounded wonderful, “I’d really like to go, but I haven’t found a dog sitter or anything like that for Barry. I’ve never really been away from him so I would want it to be someone who could come here and stay with him and for that it would have to be someone we really trust.”

Harry pursed his lips and looked toward the corner of the ceiling in thought humming, “I know someone who we can trust. If we can’t find a legit dog sitter by the time we need to leave, my friend Richard will do it.”

I furrowed my brow, “Richard? How do you know he’ll do it? He seems like he doesn’t need a side gig. And is he good with dogs?” I was concerned. Barry was the best dog, easiest guy to handle but he was still an emotional being who would miss me while I was away. I wanted to have someone watch Barry who would give him plenty of attention and sneak him the occasional treat.

Harry chuckled, “I know he’ll do it because he’s been begging me to house-sit. When I first saw the place, Richard was with me. I think he just wants an excuse to stay in Midtown. He lives a bit further out, has to take the train in or drive to get to the office. His house is massive, but this place isn’t in Midtown. We’re right next to central park here with some of the best restaurants in the world. And yes, he’s a dog lover. Plus, and here’s the biggest one, he only goes into the office on Mondays and the rest he works at home so he could potentially be here all day with Barry. How does that sound? Until we find a dog sitter who we can pay for things like this, Richard will do it. I’m sure of it.”

It seemed like Harry had thought about all this already, “Did you rehearse that?” I laughed and Harry joined me.

He nodded as he spoke, “I knew you’d need to find a sitter and I know Richard will do it. I haven’t spoken to him about it but that’s only because I wanted to know if you were okay with that first.”

I shrugged, “I think it sounds quite ideal. Can we have him come over so we can give him a run through first? That would make me feel better about it.”

So, it was set. I’d be going to London with Harry and Richard would be staying with Barry. After Harry got off the phone with Richard we cleaned up the kitchen together. Harry was being quite touchy-feely with me. Every time he passed by he’d brush against my back or arm, or he’d purposefully wrap a hand around the back of my neck and give it a quick squeeze. I knew he was trying to rile me up. It was working too. Just the thought of what the man could do to me always had me excited.

When Harry closed the dishwasher he came up behind me and put his arms around my front and squeezed me into his body. He dropped his mouth down to my neck and feathered light kisses on my skin, up toward my ear which had me sighing and leaning back into him. I put my arms over Harry’s and turned my head so I could feel closer to him. He kissed my check and then the edge of my lips.

Harry pushed his nose into my cheekbone and then kissed my cheek again, “Why can’t I keep my hands off you? What’s your secret?” Harry whispered against my skin and sighed.

I closed my eyes and felt myself withering away into a soft, liquid mess in his arms, “Maybe because you know how much I always need you to touch me.” You pressed yourself into him as much as you possibly could. There wasn’t anyway to get any closer to him like this.

“Yeah? My little girl needs me to touch her? Where should I touch you?” Harry continued kissing down my neck again, small wet pecks that weren’t enough. I needed more.

“Everywhere. I want you all over me, Daddy.”  I dropped my hands away from Harry’s as he slid his own upward and grazed over my clothed breasts and squeezed at each one gently before bringing his hands back down and grasping my hips. When he pushed his own hips into my bottom I could feel a lump pressing into me.

“Let’s take these pants off you. Need to have a little dessert. Daddy’s still hungry.” Harry put his fingers into the band of my sweatpants and pulled them down my legs, helping me out of the warm material. When the cold air hit my skin, goosebumps covered my thighs and Harry noticed right away, cooing at me, “Oh, honey. Look at this…” he smoothed his hands up my thighs and nudged me forward a bit so I had to lean myself slightly over the counter, my palms flat on the cold, smooth marble.

Harry knelt down behind me and bit over my panties that covered my butt cheeks. I moaned and looked up toward the ceiling. I knew I was in for a nice treat. Anytime Harry did anything to me it was perfection. Harry pulled my panties down my legs in the same fashion that he did my sweat pants, eventually leaving my bottom half completely bare.

Harry placed his hands in between my thighs and pushed my legs apart in silence and then he pushed at my low back, causing me to lean over the counter so my ass was angled up and he could see my pussy fully now.

I laid my arms over the counter and twisted myself a little so I could turn to look at Harry behind me. His eyes were focused on my bum and everything before him. He caressed and squeezed at my cheeks, pulling them apart gently and gave a quick smack to the left side. I jumped and sighed.

Harry was still on his knees behind me, his face level with my pussy when he finally leaned in to push a small kiss right over my labia. Wiggling my bottom a little I kept my eyes on Harry as he leaned in again for another kiss, but this time on my ass cheek and then he softly dragged his wet lips over my bum hole and kissed me there too.

“Daddy…” I moaned. I loved it when he took his time with me. Harry knew all the things I wanted and needed. I loved how he treated me like I was a delicacy every time we had sex.

“What is it baby? Just wanted to say my name? Hmmm?” I nodded and groaned; my body turned so I could see Harry.

Harry flicked his eyes up to mine and grinned, “Time for my dessert. Smells so yummy…”

Harry put his gaze back on the sight that was only his from now on. He slowly moved in to place an open mouth kiss over my entrance and I closed my eyes. Soon, his open mouth kiss included his tongue pressing over my slit with a flat and wide tongue.

He wrapped one arm around the front of my hips and with his other hand he held the back of my thigh to keep me securely in place.

Harry dug in and got to work on me. His nose was nuzzled into my ass and his lips over my cunt. He’d suck me in a little and then lap at me.

Then he slowed down and began to tease a little. He slowly licked from my clit up toward my bum, over and over again. Licking it like he was trying to lick at an ice cream cone and savor the taste. The feeling of his wet tongue, flat and wide, gliding over my labia up and down was soft but it was driving me crazy. I wanted him to fuck me so bad. But he always took the lead when it came to sex so I just let him do whatever he wanted to me.

Soon, I could feel that I was totally slippery and messy, dripping down my thighs, cunt puffy, and entrance ready to take something into itself. My moaning was soft and high pitched. Harry’s continuous lapping of my pussy, the slow, continual licks up and down had me nearly purring.

He didn’t stop when I’d made such a mess that his whole chin and nose were shiny, or when I’d dripped down to the marble floors below us. No, he continued his tortuously, slow, sensual licking. I could hear his breathing getting heavier. Harry was clearly also turned on by this.

“Baby, you should see this. Your little creamy pussy is so sopping wet right now. Completely drenched me and dripping down your legs. Mmm…” he leaned in again, continuing the slow drag of his tongue over me. I knew it must be a mess back there. I could feel how wet I was. His simple, slow motions, the brush of his wide tongue on me and through my folds, over and over again were completely insane. It wasn’t like anything I’d ever experienced. He just continued lapping at me and drinking my arousal in.

After many more minutes, I can’t be sure of exactly how long it took, Harry finally changed his position. I turned to look back at him again, his face wet with me and flushed. He stood up and unbuckled his belt, keeping his eyes on me, a stern look on his face. I continued leaning over the counter, keeping myself in place for him.

“Daddy’s gonna give you more. Don’t worry baby.” He lowered his trousers as he spoke and then pulled his briefs off right after. His cock was always a sight. It had me tingling at the thought of how it felt to stretch me apart.

“Only need what you want to give me, Daddy. Everything you do to me is so good.” I responded to him, my body turned so I could look into his eyes.

“I know, honey. You always seem to like what I give you, don’t you? Such a good girl for Daddy. S’why I love you so much, baby. Always so good for me.” Keeping his eyes on mine he lifted up his belt and wrapped it around my thighs, tightening the belt around me and buckling to keep it in place. I could feel the leather pinching into my skin he’d had it so tight.

When Harry felt the belt was secured tightly enough he brought his hips to mine and I could feel him nudge his hard dick into my ass cheeks. Everything was wet back there. He’d licked all over me, for a good fifteen to twenty minutes. I was soaked from my clit to my anus, and even down my thighs.

“I’m gonna fuck my good girl here in a minute. It’s gonna feel very tight with your legs closed like this, though. Think you’re ready for it? Think you can take Daddy’s cock like this?” He landed a palm over my right cheek and I jumped and moaned at the feel.

“Mmm… yes, Daddy. I’ll take it all. Just fuck my hole however you want to. Need to feel you split me in half.” I said as I wiggled against him.

Harry groaned and smoothed his hands up from my ass, over my ribs and around to my breasts, leaning himself over me. He kissed the back of my shoulder and neck and I closed my eyes.

Then his warmth disappeared as he grasped my ass, spreading me apart a bit and I could feel him nudging his tip at my entrance. He glided himself through my slippery slit, up and down and then landed a hand over my left cheek making me gasp.

When he’d angled himself back again to my entrance this time he began to slowly push into me. The stretch and tightness of him entering me like this was beyond anything I’d ever felt. He’d properly prepared me beforehand though, with his teasing tongue. I was fully aroused and I knew I’d be able to take all of him with how wet and hot I was.

When he’d pushed in half way he let out a whimper and I could hear him panting. He was feeling it too. How tight it was. With my thighs buckled together my pussy was especially tight for him. We both felt the intensity of it.

Harry backed himself out and then rocked in again. He did it a number of times. I could feel him pushing my insides apart when he pressed in and then feeling the emptiness when he backed himself out to the tip. It was like I could feel all his ridges and thickness with how tight my pussy was in this position.

The more he rocked in and out of me, the deeper he was able to get, eventually plunging into me as far as his cock could reach. I sucked in a sharp breath of air at the feel and leaned my head back.

“Okay, baby? This too much?” Harry asked me sweetly but he didn’t stop his languid motion of fucking in and out of my cunt.

I shook my head, “No Daddy. It feels so fucking good like this.” I breathed out in a whine.

Harry grunted and began to roll his hips a little faster. My wet pussy was taking his cock very well, despite the incredibly tight fit. The human body is an incredible machine. Just by appearances, one would look at the size of Harry’s erect penis and then look at the size of a normal pussy, especially one that was not spread open with thighs apart, but with thighs tightly secured together, and think that just wouldn’t fit all the way in there. But, it’s not the case. Harry fits. He saw to it by getting me so turned on and taking his time beforehand that now he’s able to firmly tuck himself into my walls over and over again.

“Yeah. It fuckin feels so good, baby. So fucking tight and wet.” Harry was struggling with dirty talk tonight. His need for release was strong too, it had to be. All that time he spent back there licking me up probably caused him to feel just as on edge as I was. I just knew this felt incredible for him.

“Fuck me, just like, Daddy. Use my pussy to get off. Mmmm…” Harry hastened the movement of his hips at my words and now the stretch was unbelievable. He couldn’t move in and out of me as fast as normal because it was such a tight fit like this, but each push in had me being pressed forward, and each time he dragged his cock back out to the tip it pulled me back with him. Even with how wet I was, the tightness was almost overwhelming.

“Daddy’s gonna come soon honey. I’m gonna use your soft pussy to get off, just like you like but can you come for Daddy first?” He had to still his hips as he spoke. I knew it must be hard for him to keep talking while he was fucking into my tight pussy.

I whimpered and pushed my forehead into the countertop before speaking, “Yeah. I can come on your cock daddy.”

We both moaned as Harry began to thrust again, in and out, faint slapping noises coming from our bodies. Harry held onto my hips with an intense grip as he fucked himself into me, his long cock reaching deep into my tummy every time he pushed in to the hilt.

Each stroke had me closer and closer. I was moaning and whimpering and Harry was grunting at each roll of his hips due to the force it took to get himself pressed into me all the way. In and out of my cunt, creating more of a mess as each moment passed.

Harry pulled my hips back a little to position my hips further away from the counter, “I’m gonna try to go in and fuck you a little harder, okay baby. Can you hold on to the counter for me?”

I nod and grasp onto the counter as best as I can. I know I’m in for it if he needed to give me space for what he’s about to do. I squeezed my eyes closed as I felt him slide his cock out to the tip, knowing what’s going to take place next.

And I was not wrong in my assumption. Harry rammed into me as hard and fast as he could. It still wasn’t as fast as he’s been able to go before, but with how tightly squeezed together my thighs were, his speed was still very impressive and caused my ears to ring and my legs to get wobbly under the pressure.

Each plunge of his cock deep into me made a splash-plop-splash-plop sound as I grew wetter with my orgasm nearing.

I was being rocked forward at each thrust, my hair falling around my face and swaying, and the skin on my forearms that lie over the counter where I held on began to burn from the quick jolts forward each time Harry got balls deep.

No words could be exchanged. We were both panting and moaning and whimpering into the kitchen and I felt myself begin to tremble under the pressure of Harry’s thick cock spreading me apart with each stab of his length being driven into me. The noises between our bodies only got louder and my moans became unstoppable.

“Coming… I’m coming!” I shout as I feel myself spiral out of control and pulse around his fat dick.

Harry held my hips tightly and groaned loudly as he felt me orgasm around him. He continued railing deep into me, fucking me through my release, the splashing sounds only increased.

Finally Harry couldn’t hold back his own orgasm as he came with his hips flush against mine, his body stilled, releasing all of his come as deep inside of me as he could get.

Harry stayed behind me, tucked inside for some moments after as we both caught our breath. I could feel Harry still throbbing as he was coming down from his orgasm. It was intense.

Harry leaned over me and kissed my shoulder blade softly and hummed against my skin, “Fuck, you always feel so good, baby. Always take me so well.”

I just laid out over the counter, the side of my face smushed into the marble that eventually grew warmer as I kept myself pressed over it and nodded with a sigh. I had no words at the moment.

Harry slowly pulled himself out and I felt his mouth back over my pussy as he sucked gently and slurped at me.

Then I felt him quickly release the belt and pull my hips so I was forced to stand and turn to face him. He leaned over me and grasped at my chin, making me drop my mouth open and he spit into my mouth our mixed orgasms poured over my tongue. I kept my mouth open as he backed away and looked at the dirty sight of our come in my mouth. When he smiled at me and looked into my eyes I closed my mouth and swallowed for him.

He shook his head, “Mmm… I love that.” He took his thumb and wiped at my cheek to clean some of the mess that had drizzled out from my mouth, pushing it past my lips and into my mouth.

With his thumb still in my mouth he spoke again, “Let’s go get cleaned up and then take Barry on a walk to the park. I’ve got a sudden burst of energy now.” His grin was wide as he pulled his thumb out.

“Okay, Daddy.”

Chapter 18*

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Tags: @michellekstyles @ssaama @angelqueen99 @sombrioinvernoemveneza @golden-hoax @wherethehellhaveyoubeenharry

#harry styles smut #ceo!harry #sugardaddy!harry #harry styles #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles writing

[hellshandbasket]

You just have to elaborate on the “I mean like even the apple seeds” tag on your Dennis’ pain and how Mac takes care of it post because I am very intrigued and can’t infer on that myself!

haha you guys should stop enabling me. anyway. yes i will humanize even the apple seeds joke and make it about macdennis + pain. (tw for light/vague discussions of disordered eating)

my favorite thing about this particular unhinged take is that it focuses on how dysfunctional the macdennis dynamic is instead of just the sweeping romanticism of mac being able to see dennis’ pain and attend to it, because it highlights how mac sometimes does that to an unhealthy/incorrect degree.

but i digress. sorry to keep you waiting. the apple seeds: it’s about the way mac takes dennis’ distress over the thing seriously, and offers dennis genuine and caring counsel.

in fact, if i use the tidy little “mac is the only one able to attend to dennis’ pain and dennis can’t let go of that” theory it explains why dennis would allow himself to believe something so fucking dumb as “cigarette smoke smothers the poisonous apple seeds in your stomach.” we all know dennis has issues with food. both mac and dennis have body image issues, and mac has fluctuating issues with food himself. but about dennis—mr undiagnosed eating disorder himself. i don’t think he has just a restrictive/body image based eating disorder, but something like arfid or ocd, where he has innumerable neuroses and anxieties around his food intake.

this is where it gets toxic because mac is aware of this and takes it upon himself to be like, dennis’ food bodyguard. he’s actually trying to love and care for dennis, but he doesn’t know any better and ends up enabling dennis’ instead (macdennis i’m obsessed with you). gang chokes is like, about this. but md break up talks about it and the apple seeds thing are the greatest example for me, and a huge manifestation of the macdennis + pain thing imo.

there’s the apple skin thing to start, which is a great instance of how this would work. it also gives us a nice glimpse into how macdennis + pain is reciprocal because (and i haven’t even gotten to do a whole thesis on this but i could) mac struggles with wanting to feel needed, wanted, of value, etc and as much as he can get bitchy and mean, overall dennis makes mac feel all of those things. especially in peak macdennis years (3/4-9). but i’m digressing again—just pointing out how and why this works so well for mac too, because it’s more than just being stupid in love with dennis (it fulfills something personal in him too, it soothes a hurt in him too).

but for me, the apple seeds? another instance of dennis showing negative, painful emotion, and mac being the only one to respond in a way that matters to dennis. i mean yes a moment to thank glenn for his comedic genius in the sound of that fake retching, but also dennis was so distressed over the thought of potentially eating something bad. that was panic! that was repulsion! that was fear! food is just such a fundamental thing for dennis.

the rest of the gang kind of brush him off when he scurries over, totally distraught over these stupid apple seeds. charlie validates his alarm over the toxicity of the dumb seeds (<3), but no one has time for dennis and his hysteria. and it is hours after the whole ordeal has passed, and they are still kind of fighting, but the minute dennis sees him he tells this to mac because he knows mac will take him seriously and fix the hurt. he looks so relieved when mac doesn’t brush it off or question him or roll his eyes, he just takes it in stride and asks dennis if he tried x to solve the problem.

i know this kind of thing happens regularly and i know it rewires things in dennis’ brain! he must be so scared and yet so comforted! he must be so confused and in love and embarrassed and mac is mine and mac cares and oh god what if mac leaves who will give a shit if i cry over apple seeds then no one can know apple seeds scare me like this ahhh!!!

#answered #sunny is in my synapses turning them rotten #meta

[underscore-jude]

i loved it when lily didn't go to camp but pls share the kourt and carlos' s3 storylines i'm still so mad carlos was the ONLY ONE who didn't have a serious arc

So I made Carlos Hans and Jet Kristoff as is my god given right and also would’ve been just. the objectively right decision

Carlos is the youngest of a line of successful golden children with rich parents that appear to be extremely neglectful and you’re telling me he’s not gonna sing the lines “A clumsy prince who's only come to serve and please/With a line of mean, big brothers/That goes on for miles/A man you won't see in a statue of bronze/Just Hans of the Southern Isles” ???? Not on my watch buddy!!!

So there’s that combined with his body image issues of how he looks on tv and the apparent disordered eating problems I discovered that I won’t get into for TWs sake all sort of building up over the season leading into a sort of recovery arc throughout s4 that would introduce bum bum bum… one of his sisters!!!

I’ve been dying to meet one of Carlos’ sisters or at least one other member of this fucked up family and, like, imagine Gabrielle Ruiz or Lauren Lopez as Carlos’ cool adult sister who comes back and realizes “oh holy shit our parents have kind of left my 16 year old brother to completely fend for himself and that has led to some serious health issues”

cause goddamn the seblos cheating allegations are so overdone and I want Carlos to have a plotline that’s had some actual thought put into it!!! And part of what makes seblos so perfect is that Seb HAS this big, happy, supportive, ACTUALLY PRESENT family that Carlos has never had and it’s not why Carlos likes Seb but it certainly doesn’t hurt, only we’ve never actually seen that on the goddamn television show because T*m is too busy treating the Real Life East High like his own personal Barbie Dreamhouse!

Kourtney gets her anxiety treated seriously! She actually gets a plotline with Jet that isn’t a few lines and a bomb drop in the doc trailer! Struggling with being away from Nini and her mom and everything she mentioned maybe once and then it was never brought up again! I got angry about T*m again there I’m gonna have to go write up something separately about kourtney I’m sorry

#Kourtney Greene I love u #hsmtmts #jude is talking #asks

[marengogo]

Rambling in INFJese - Part 6: LoveLess

Inevitable - by Suzy  [Extraordinary Attorney Woo (OST)]

🐺 — 🐺 — 🐺—

I’m so sorry for delaying my regular posts, life is still lifING and I must admit that I’m enjoying living it, struggles at all. Another thing I keep enjoying, is reading posts from the people I follow on tumblr, from time to time, but today … today was different … today I realised something, hence I’m taking a moment from this lovely giant-moon-evening to ramble away real quick. 

Today, @stormblessed95​ went on a generous answering spree, and as always, she was confronted with Anons, to whom the idea of jikook being together is nothing short of ludacris for the usually reasons such as “they do the same things with everyone else”, “they are never together”, “they spend more time with so-and-so”, “he used to be … but not anymore …” etc, etc, etc. At first I just brushed it off as typical anti and insecure jikooker behaviour, but then for a change I asked myself: “Why are some of these people so fixated with the idea/image of what Jikook’s relationship should look … should feel like?”

So, as the not-so-careful empath that I am, I quickly stepped into their shoes, took a quick walk and quickly got out of them cause it felt a bit heavy (ngl). Now, this is all me speculating of course, so obviously I might be wrong but it would appear as if, to some of these people, Jikook has somehow taken to represent Ideal Love. 

I mean, as if being an idol wasn’t heavy and hard enough, imagine having to represent the perfection which is love itself! Now, I don’t wanna be the one that has to point out the fact that even this sort of issue makes Jikook stand out, thought highkey I am, but instead, I will proceed to explain how this “Ideal Love Predicament” might have come to be.

I would like to blame with a full-chest and whole-heartedly some Jikook YouTube channels 😬. Yes. When you produce content and constantly use words such as “ALWAYS”, “ONLY”, “NEVER” the brain will eventually register and make associations. And in a present world where most of everything seems to never last and almost everything feels not meant for us, many might have found comfort in finding this (not-confirmed) pair of boys, whom against the adversity of their homophobic society seemingly found a way to love and be “special only to each other” (... define special … but I digress …). 

So it was that, for example, the first time (according to all these people, who ignored all the other times …) when JK and JM rode in different cars with different people, everything quickly went to hell because “ALWAYS” wasn’t “ALWAYS” anymore and the brain couldn’t brain anymore. This “process” at times was made even worse/heavier when added to projecting ideal feelings of love. 

Like in any meant-to-be-love-thrope, your partner would never touch, even less, look at anyone other than you, (whom sometimes they haven’t even met yet). Your partner should always know how you feel and what you are thinking. Your partner would never look at anyone else and always want to be with only you. Your partner would basically not live without you. And so wouldn’t you.

Which, hey, don’t get me wrong. It’s all very cute, fun and good in a movie, a K-Drama, even during one's honeymoon phase. But I’m afraid it is not sustainable. I know 😩, yet another sustainability speech, but what can I say, the world is dying and at this rate so will relationships!

It feels more and more like the fear of not having that Ideal Love, mixed with the fear of being hurt (which, it might/will happen, it might/will fucking hurt, but you should/will eventually get over it … if I did, you all will … took me 10 years, but hey, it found me when I absolutely wanted nothing with it so … 🙄) mixed with the necessity to have what you don’t know you actually really don’t need, is stopping people from actually going out to find Their Unique Love, one tailored just to themselves, and end up putting everything on the Ideal Love of someone else. 

Hence, the hurt, the anger, the denial, the aggression etc when things don’t go the way they want with this Unknowing Martyrs of Ideal Love, in our case, Jikook. I will never stop saying this and I will keep saying this: JK and JM are not a confirmed couple, as such, we can keep speculating and making our educated guesses, which within its own limits is fine and all, but they are NOT actors in a love drama. Whatever they do or not do with each other, is for each other and each other only.

Now, to all those people out there whose shoes I walked in for those few seconds in order to write this, from the bottom of my heart, truly wish for you to give Your Type of Love a chance. You need to experience it, you need to agonise over it, you need to boast about it and sometimes cry over it and when/if you are ready; start all over again. Until then, forcing one's opinion on other people’s relationships would be like having an argument about a topic you’ve never even heard about: pointless.

To those of you to whom this isn’t their first rodeo, was it the same every single time? Did each of your partners give you the same exact emotions? If it was, we’ll need to talk because that would be interesting … if not, you’d have no reason to expect Jikook to project your SAME EXACT feelings in their relationship. Jussayin’.

Anyways, I’ve stayed up long enough.

Wishing everyone lots of love, if you don’t find it yet, feel free to come and bitch at me!

Always respectfully yours,

Marengo.

#Rambling in INFJese #Jikook #Insecure Jikookers #Love's Unique to You #Me and Them

[marlinsandthetrout]

I’m starting to wonder if MS might be a possible explanation for a lot of my symptoms. I have a diagnosis of NF1, but NF1 doesn’t really explain a lot of the endless list of symptoms I experience, across every system in my body. symptoms including, but not limited to:

 - scoliosis! really bad scoliosis! i got my first spinal fusion when i was eight years old. another at 12. another at 22. i now have half my vertabrae fused, my entire thoracic spine, with rods and screws. nf1 can explain this one, it causes bone deformities.

- white flashes in my vision. i’ve started to develop this symptom over the past several weeks. i will get what looks like random flashes of bright white light behind my eyelids, at unpredictable and inconsistent times. at first, i thought this was my electricity or my overhead lights being weird, but then it began happening both inside and outside my house, and in different light conditions.

- numbness and tingling in my hands and feet. for the past year, more often than not, i wake up with a pins-and-needles or numb feeling in my feet and/or hands. this feeling seems to travel up into the forearm or calf, and it gradually goes away over the course of my morning. but sometimes the numbness comes out of anywhere! it’s especially likely to happen when i’m typing, holding my phone, or drawing.

- random hand spasms. this happens sometimes where i’ll be gripping an object and one of two things will happen: my hand will spasm and the object will go flying, or it will suddenly seem like i’ve lost all strength in my hand and the object will slip from my fingers and fall to the floor. this doesn’t happen very often, but i am trying to keep a closer eye on when it does

- pain pain pain fucking everywhere all the time. my hair hurts my toes hurt my gums hurt my chin hurts my fingernails hurt my stomach hurts my stomach always always always hurts...

-i’m so tired all the time, like a bone-deep fatigue that’s sometimes so severe that walking to the corner store is exhausting, sometimes just brushing my teeth seems like such a herculean effort of strength that i skip it. everything that seems so easy for everyone else is such an endless struggle of fatigue and confusion for me. on my bad days it feels like i’m carrying a backpack full of rocks up a mountain.

- gastrointestinal problems so severe i’ve had to start drinking meal replacement drinks because my body has decided that it doesn’t want to digest solid food. i’ve had a colonoscopy, endoscopy, gastric emptying study, barium study, blood tests, and imaging done to find the cause of my dietary issues and nothing. ever. comes. up. getting endometriosis surgery solved a chunk of my GI problems, but I’m still suffering from being underweight and malnourished and Ensures are the only things keeping me alive.

-memory problems that are so bad, i often can’t recall conversations or outings with friends, and sometimes i have trouble recalling daily events. i’ll get to a store and i can’t remember how i got there or what i need to buy.

- not-seizures, “episodes” that i’ve never known how to properly describe to doctors or anyone, which have been confirmed via EEGs to not be epileptic in nature. during these “episodes”, i’ll be having a conversation or doing normal tasks, and my eyes will get stuck on a particular point or object in the distance. my eyes get wide and unfocused, and my vision gets soft and blurry around the edges. sometimes my eyes feel warm and tingly. my body feels like it’s humming, or sometimes it feels kinda numb, but there is a bodily change in sensation. i’m aware of what’s going on, and sometimes i can continue responding to a conversation, but i can’t pull my eyes off this one point in the distance. they’re stuck. sometimes i go quiet and stop responding. my brain feels like it’s buffering, like i’m looking at the world through a shower door fogged up by steam. this lasts for 10-30 seconds, and then it just stops and i go back to what i was doing before. i’ve been trying to get these evaluated for years, and have never found an explanation.

-white spots on my MRI scans, which has lead two different neurologists to suggest i get workup for MS. white spots are relatively common in NF1 patients, too, but with the amount of symptoms I have that don’t really align with Nf1, I just don’t know. I’m going to try to find a specialist to give me a “workup” and see what happens from there...

#chronic illness #multiple sclerosis #neurofibromatosis #nf1 #disability blogging #dysautonomia #ms #advice #feel free to respond w/ any input or similar experiences #trying to figure this stuff out :(

[wuahae]

OMG OKAY CAT STRAP IN BECAUSE THIS IS GOING TO BE A RANT

i cannot. actually believe that blue box bitch is making hui compete on bp999 after being in the military for two years. what the fuck. as a ptg fan it is super discouraging to see and i’m rlly worried about the future of pentagon :((( the gp999 contract was an exclusive 2.5 year contract, and if it’s the same for bp, then hui will not have been in a comeback for pentagon for nearly FIVE YEARS !!!!! being a uni is like being punished by god for real

also, this minghao thing hurts bro. ik he probably didn’t say it with the intention of being malicious but that does not change the fact that the sentiment is harmful… idk man, feels bad lmao. i’ve struggled w body image issues my whole life and to hear something like that come from minghao makes me feel uncomfortable and rlly insecure. never would have expected that from him (or any of them) but tbh that’s probably my mistake lol

sorry to dump all this on u and i’m sorry i’ve been m.i.a 😔😔 my tiny lil dumb brain is not working lately so i’ve been trying to take it easy ahdhsh ilysm cat 💛💛💛 take care of urself -🦁

i’m strapped in!!

THE BLUE BOX FJWKFKDK and yeah ,,,, i heard it was gonna be a full 7 year contract this time with the first half promoting only with the new group and the second half promoting with both your own group and the bp999 group?? but like idk i hope he pulls a nu’est where he gets super super popular and makes it to the end and then he doesn’t get voted into the final group wkhdwkkfwk but honestly we never know what the situation is until the show comes out with his interview :/ i’m not even a uni (real) i’m just a casual fan but its just so ….. 😭 btw the fact that hwanhee and xiao from up10tion who debuted around the same time as ptg are here too ,,,,, the trainees are about to get shown up!!!

and ok. when i first saw it the minghao thing was really disappointing to see and i know that this is said all the time but it doesn’t make it less true ,,,, east/southeast asian culture tends to carry the sentiment that being bigger is inherently bad and it’s not surprising that there was a clip of him saying those things and repeating that rhetoric when its the culture he was raised in.

BUT. THIS IS A REALLY BIG BUT. i also heard people saying that it was a mistranslation and the clip that went viral is actually not showing the full context? (p.s i don’t want to seem like i’m defending him or excusing minghao if he really did say those things but i’m just relaying what i’ve seen!) but basically the translation on the video kind of misconstrues what minghao was saying. the full context was that minghao was asked what advice he would give someone who was skinny and wanted to gain weight, and then asked for advice for someone chubby who wanted to lose weight. minghao then says that what’s most important is loving yourself, because when you love yourself you can know what’s best for yourself, whether it be exercising to gain, lose, or maintain your weight. and that initial thing where he says “stop eating” is said like . jokingly/sarcastically, because the host had previously said that he lost 15kg in one month from not eating and minghao was just referencing that again (and also after he says the joke he gets serious and says that this sort of thing was something he can’t just say carelessly, which is why he goes onto explain his actual answer and advise). the overall message he was trying to say was to love yourself no matter what size you are.

even so, i doubt minghao is completely guilt free in what he said (even if he didn’t mean it like that), especially since he’s still implying there’s a certain “body type” that’s considered healthy(?). but again, if it comes out that minghao really did say it like that then i’m disappointed but not really surprised, but also i think we shouldn’t jump to conclusions before getting all the facts straight :’)

#i rly hope people don’t misinterpret my response as me blindly defending him or anything hejfksnfkd #i hope i worded everything clearly 🥲 #but ofc i think everyone is valid in feeling hurt! the translation in the original video was very hurtful especially to people who struggle #with body image #but again . yk #and noooo don’t apologize :(( i’m not online that much anyway fksnfkek #take care of yourself ok!!!!! #q&a — 🦁 anon

[skyjynxart]

Mmm sorry.

Ah, the good ol’ readmore yellfest. Seriously no need to read this, I just need to get it off my chest. If you do skim through, big fat TW for transphobia, and like- body image issues? This is a fucked up little diary entry and I’m going to delete it later- this is purely for catharsis & self-reflection after I’ve had some sleep.

And a note to that one very close friend who may read this despite being warned off: I know it’s stupid on some level, I know this started like 2 weeks ago, and I am yelling here so I DON’T yell in your direction again so shoo.

.

.

I like to think I’m someone who handles bigotry well. Most of the time, things slide off me like water off a duck. I’m at this point pretty visibly gender non-conforming, because I’ve been on T for like a year and a half, but refuse to cut my hair off. Microaggressions pretty much mean nothing to me at this point, I hear them all the time, and 99% of the time they’re unintentional and from complete strangers in a town I don’t really like anyway.

Sometimes people are deliberately cruel- but then I can just avoid them, and that’s the end of it. Even at work, where I might have to see certain patrons regularly, there’s juuust enough protections in place for me that I can reasonably refuse to interact with them after they’ve said something, and if I were to gather up the energy to go to HR about it, they’d at least probably be talked to about it.

It hits a little different coming from someone I know online who I thought of as friendly, if not a friend.

It especially hits different when it’s about something I’m not- used to.

Specifically, it hits really fucking hard when it’s comments like ‘it makes me want to gag’ and ‘seriously nobody wants to see that’ and ‘Ive never seen this side of trans’ ( grammatical nightmare aside, that IS a direct quote ), and these comments are being made about an OC that I chose to update an old femme design into a transmasc one. One that I chose to keep the old art of around because the whole point is that we trans folx don’t just pop out of the womb with top surgery scars.

And with the bulk of that disgust being directed at the fact that, when drawing a nude body reference of this OC, I drew him with a vagina ( can I still say vagina on tumblr? ). You know. Like... Trans men are typically born with. Like a great majority of trans men have, because bottom surgery is expensive and painful and frankly doesn’t really work as well when it comes to giving you functioning parts as one would assume. They can’t just- graft a dick onto someone.

It’s like people wanna support us until they’re confronted with the reality of what being trans means.

And I guess this just hits hard because I already struggle with feeling-- like I’m wanted on like, a very basic level lmao, but particularly with internalising a lot of rhetoric and frankly narrow representation of transmasc people ( skinny or buff af, white, short hair, no hips, only clockable by voice or height, still hairless somehow, and either wearing a strap in sexytimes or not sexy at all ) that excludes someone who presents the way I do pretty heavily on multiple counts.

So someone making those kinds of comments because they don’t like that I re-designed an OC to reflect parts of my experience- parts of my body that I am struggling to love, but can love more easily on a piece of fiction made out of pixels- I guess it makes sense that it’s circling around in my head even weeks later. And I’ve never really- felt hit by transphobia in this way- I’ve never felt cut directly by it before because I’m usually so fucking prepared, and so used to recognising when there’s a high risk and cutting people off before they have a chance to enact this kind of shit and hurt me with it.

I dunno I’m dealing with a lot of weird things for the first time in my life because my late 20s is a weird as fuck time to exist, and my body is changing from age and a second puberty at the same time, and some of those changes are amazing things that I’m happy about while others are waking a lot of internalised issues I never knew I had until now, and this was just a really fucking inopportune time for something like that to come along, and ever since those screenshots got shared with me I just- haven’t been able to feel right or comfortable. At first I thought okay, I am fueled by 99% spite, so I’m gonna draw SO MUCH transguy smut now, but--

every time I sit down to do it, I freeze up.

I don’t know why- this has never happened to me before. And I hate it. I hate that words not even spoken directly to me- maybe even because they weren’t spoken directly to me, because then I have to wonder how many other people are secretly saying and thinking the same things- can make me question my body, question what I draw, question-- so much about myself. I fucking hate it.

#sky speaks #tw

[annie-in-the-real-world]

An irrational, stupid fear: the girl i am CRUSHING on and i are gonna try to go to the movies; a movie we might see is a horror movie. She then asked if my roommate likes horror movies.

The fear is, this girl I like likes my bestie. That’s it, plain and simple. And the last few days I’ve struggled with self image issues. One of those issues is the fact that *everyone* falls for my bestie. They’re wonderful looking, funny, so fucking smart, and just all around a great person. And EVERYONE falls for them. It would be just my luck for someone I like to fall for them. What if, this girl I can’t stop thinking about, that I had to stop myself from obsessing and getting anxious over, like my cool, wonderful roommate.

People attract so easy to them. And they can’t even tell when people like them; they’ve even said they might be aro or aro-adjacent. And honestly, I think they’re so ungrateful. Like, people fall head over heels for you and you don’t have the same attraction they do?

Me, I have to work for people to even think about liking me. One person even said “oh I’m not into relationships,” then a few months later date this bitch that nearly defunded the student paper. It doesn’t come easy to me, I have to perform and jump through hoops and my friend just smiles and people fall over for them.

I’m not hateful or anything! I’m happy for them! But GOD I wish it happened to me! I smile and people just lose themselves. Am I not charming enough? People seem to think my friend is.

So, I fear this girl likes my friend. And I know my friend doesn’t like her, but it still hurts that I put all this effort into this girl, and she (MAY OR MAY NOT) like my friend. Instead of me.

Or…she just wants to include my friend. Simple as that. Just wants to include them.

[moonjxsung]

hai hai! (anticipated srry for the yapping)

how are you?

(btw pls lmk about that person bc if they come back i rlly don’t want to interact)

sorry about the fire vjj jumpscare😂😂

kitties can rip their toe beans and i am so traumatized by it. thankfully it really wasn’t too bad like he never acts like it’s hurting him. i literally let him out of his travel bag and bro just immediately jumped like an hour after surgery. but we’re keeping him confined until further notice and trying to figure out what happened bc we searched everywhere and no blood or anything. but he’s doing alright & they take out his stitches in two weeks, my angel baby☹️☹️☹️.

i’m sorry to hear about your kitty’s itching! cats do become sensible to environmental changes so it may be that. one of the strays we feed gets runny nose/eyes when there’s a lot of pollen. i heard that giving them bee pollen helps with their environmental allergies. but i haven’t really tried it. maybe something with her food? my senior dog (who passed about two years ago) became allergic to chicken, turkey, and like a million other things) at like 10yrs old. so if it persists that could maybe be a cause? idk but i hope she feels better soon, i hate seeing sick kitties :((

to end the cat discourse, your neighbor!! im so frustrated when people let cats just roam free in environments where they shouldn’t. i’m not really in favor of outdoor/indoor or just outdoor kitties (aside from stray babies ofc, i wish i could take them all💔). my experience with cats outdoors (like not mine but the strays i’ve seen) is always sooooo negative that i just wouldn’t do it, even if where i lived was more appropriate. i had a neighbor (i never interacted with her) who literally abandoned her male intact cat and he just went around getting everyone pregnant and crying at her house. i haven’t seen him for a while bc he wasn’t really a regular (if he was i would’ve found a way to neuter him at least) but that’s so freaking sad, man. i really can’t with people who leave their pets to fend for themselves. so yeah your neighbor really sucks, and the kitty fights with your baby? whaaat? that’s crazy.

and i still can’t get over ateez!!! my bf and i live together so we’re literally always together (that’s why i annoyingly mention him all the time, im sorry, i got anxious attachment 😂). and i was rewatching the coachella performance bc im crazy and he sat down with me (and eventually fell asleep) but not before saying “my bias isn’t mingi anymore, san is just the man here” and i was like ok but mood. i love san so much and yk one of my bias line criteria is ✨cats✨ so san is not only cat emoji but also has a cat ✅✅ i love them, i need to go see them at least once in my life too. they’re just so talented, im so proud of them for coming so far! 😭

and pls send all the pics ever if you do go to txt, i’ll live vicariously through you.

anddd i was lurking through your other asks and i feel you so badly about retinol & sunscreen. i literally have some expression lines and am dying to get rid of them. but im struggling with retinol bc it makes me break out.

(and also, ur response to the anon talking about her y/n moment was too sweet. i feel like kpop can set such high beauty standards that you have to constantly ground yourself bc these people live and breath visuals and voice/dance lessons. i struggle a lot with body image issues being a US midsize and having pcos -and i literally got an emergency ovary removal, not so fun fact! it was terrible and it really fucked up my weight gain/loss- but yeah, your message made me feel better about everything too.)

ily ily bb! we’re currently on a date at a café, drinking iced coffee with our ateez pcs! 😘😘😘

-🐈‍⬛

HELLOOOOO MY SWEET ANGEL HAPPY SUNDAYYYY 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶

I still can’t believe cats can rip their toe beans 😭😭 it makes so much sense but I just hadn’t considered it and now I’m watching Momo like a HAWK over here I feel like that would so happen to her 😭😭 her itching seems a little better today but seems like it comes and goes ! One of my other cats at my parents’ house struggles from feline eczema or something similar and she has to get steroid injections to tame the flare ups so im hoping it’s not that ☹️ but good to know that bee pollen helps, ill definitely look into that!! Thank you bby 🫶👼

UGH I KNOWWWW her cat disappears for weeks at a time too and I’m like how!!! Are you not worried about where he is!!!!!!! One time he came back with a collar I’m assuming somebody got for him and since then they’ve taken it off so it seems like they’re pretty set on just making him appear stray and I don’t understand the reasoning behind it. All their other pets (they have like 2 dogs I think) are strictly indoors so idk why poor kitty has to be abandoned like that ☹️ I always bring him water and food in the summer because they don’t even leave him with food but I’m just so annoyed they don’t do it themselves ughhh. Also I have a neighbor who did the same thing as yours by abandoning their cat and it went around and got pregnant like 4 times since then ! She passed at a pretty young age probably due to the shortened life span and it was just so heartbreaking. At LEAST get your cat spayed and neutered ffs 🤕

YOUR BF IS SOOOO REAL FOR THAT LMAOOOO 😭 Ateez are crazy talented in person!!! They’re coming back to my city in the summer so I need to start saving and I’m lowkey panicking bc I really want to see itzy, Ateez, txt and NCT Dream but I’m gonna have to sacrifice some shows because money 😀 I might scrap Dream only bc I’m not 100% if Renjun will still be there (my pookie💔) but I cannotttt decide if I want to go to the other shows. If I find txt tickets at a decent price I will 10000% keep you updated how it goes!!!! I also need to see Itzy so bad ugh Ryujin my wife💔

I’m so glad we’re all panicking about expression lines collectively LMAO I just bought this Korean sunscreen that claims to prevent them so we’ll see but the lingering fear of aging is always present 😭 soooo agreed about the body image thing!! Kpop made me hate my body like ten times more then I already did but I have to remind myself these people HAVE to look good for a living like if they had my regular ass job they would not look like that 😭 I just value confidence the most even on days I hate myself!! I’m so sorry to hear about your emergency ovary removal ahhh that must’ve been so scary but I’m so grateful you’re okay and healthy now! Looks mean nothing if you’re not healthy guys take care of yourselves and love the body you have 🥹🫶💞💝💘💕💖

I LOVE YOU BBYYYYY we’re virtually eating cheese danishes together bc I caved and got one (it’s so good if you’re wondering) 💞🫶

#🐈‍⬛ anon #ask