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cheollipop · 1 year

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ginger & cinnamon tea

navi | taglist

pairing: choi san x fem!reader

w.c.: 3.5k

tags: smut, fluff, established relationship, sick fic

after his roommate suggested a way to get rid of the sniffles, san – being the trusting friend he was – just had to try it.

warnings: praise, begging (so... much... begging), pussy-drunk! san, oral sex (f receiving), unprotected sex (boooo!!! 👎🏻), multiple rounds/orgasms, multiple creampies, a sprinkle of overstimulation, a hint of anal (m receiving), one (1) chomp, san's stamina is through the roof in this one oof, perhaps a slight breeding kink bc why not, I think that's all-

A/N: here it is... my first smut fic (yes, its another sick fic. we won't speak about it)... I'm absolutely terrified posting this, but I really hope you all enjoy reading it! a special thanks to alyssa (aka @toxicccred <3) for entertaining my horny thoughts for literally hours yesterday. mwah ily lots.

nsfw under the cut - minors dni!! 🔞

•───────•°•❀•°•───────•

San's sneeze blasted through your phone's speaker, your body flinching back at the sound.

"Sorry," he smiled sheepishly.

You shook your head, a small smile on your face as you watched his face sink deeper into his pillow.

"Does your head still hurt?"

He hummed. "It's not as bad. I think the painkillers have finally kicked in."

"What about your fever? Have Woo check it for you."

"(Y/n)."

"Have him make you some soup as well. With extra veggies-"

"Baby, calm down. It's just a cold," San chuckled, the sound coming out rough and gravelly.

You pouted, eyebrows furrowing, exhaling a long sigh. "I hate not being there for you when you're sick. This business trip wasn't even that important." You slumped back in your armchair, yet to change out of your clothes and into something more comfortable.

"You're coming back tomorrow," he reminded you, clearing his throat, the corners of his lips tugging upwards. "You can give me all your love and attention then."

His words brought a smile to your lips. Perhaps it was also the two dimples you loved so much peeking out to greet you.

"No kisses, though."

His bottom lip jutted out. "I guess I'll settle for cuddles."

"Then I'll be sure to put my all into them," you promised.

You kept the call open while you went about your nighttime routine, telling San about your two-day business trip, and how your boss got too drunk and embarrassed himself over dinner. Sliding under the covers, your skin glowing with the fresh layer of skin care he had bought you for valentine's day, you rested your head on the pillow. Neither of you spoke, simply pretending that the other was an arm's reach away as your breaths slowly evened out, falling asleep to soft smiles and pretty dimples.

The door opened after a few seconds of you knocking, a large smile on the man's face greeting you.

"Welcome back!"

"Thank you, Woo.” He pulled you into a hug, squeezing you once before letting go. You spoke while you slipped your shoes off, "how's he doing?"

"He's a big boy, don't worry too much about him." Wooyoung walked with you as you made your way to San's room.

You breathed out a laugh. "You know I can't help it."

Wooyoung only smiled, ruffling your hair before disappearing into his room – the door adjacent to San's.

Peeking into San's room, your eyes instantly met with his. He was sitting up in bed, holding a tissue to his nose. You couldn't help the grin splitting your face, nearly hopping with excitement as you made your way towards him. San threw the tissue god-knows-where and held his arms open for you, wrapping them around your frame once you were close enough. You pressed your lips to his forehead, smacking a kiss onto the heated skin before sitting by his side and relaxing into his embrace.

"I've missed you, my love," San muttered against your hair, kissing your temple. His voice was hoarse, and you could tell he had a stuffy nose.

"Me too. So much," you inhaled his scent, hands running up and down his clothed back.

Wooyoung peeked his head back into the room, gym bag slung over his shoulder. He smiled at the sight of the two of you holding each other so close, he wasn't sure where you began and where San ended.

"Alright, lovebirds, I'm going to the gym for a few hours," he spoke, unsure if you could even hear him from how deeply molded into each other the two of you were.

San waved at him with one of the hands wrapped around your back, and you sent him off with a quiet "have fun."

Wooyoung hesitated at the door, peeking in once more, the corner of his lips curling into a sly smirk. "You know…"

You turned your head to look at the man, raising an eyebrow at him, urging him to speak.

"They say some sweet lovemaking gets rid of colds prettyyy quick," he winked.

Heat rushed to your cheeks, and you could see San's ears turning a bright red – yet you weren't sure if that was Wooyoung’s doing or the cold's.

"Ya!" San grabbed the nearest pillow and threw it at him.

Wooyoung ran away, effectively dodging the swarm of pillows being thrown at him, his squeaky giggles echoing in the apartment even after the front door clicked shut behind him.

"Sorry about that. Just ignore him," San pressed a kiss to the crown of your head, tucking you back into his chest.

You let out a breathy laugh, nuzzling your cheek against San's collarbone. "It's Wooyoung, I'm used to his antics by now."

"You're right," he grinned, laying down on his bed, taking you with him.

"Is there anything I can do to make you feel better, Sannie?"

"Just let me hold you," he flexed his arms around you, squeezing you for a few seconds before relaxing again.

You hummed, letting your eyes flutter shut, your hand sliding under his shirt to settle against the soft skin of his hip.

You remained that way, limbs tangled up with his under the comforter, your cheek pressed to his chest as it rose and fell steadily. You felt his breath hitch, chest hiccuping as he cleared his throat repeatedly. You raised your head to meet his eyes, your hair disheveled and tangled from where his fingers had been running through it.

“Are you okay? Does something hurt?”

His hand smoothed down your unkempt locks, cupping the back of your neck and giving it a small squeeze. “I’m okay,” he cleared his throat again.

You stifle a laugh at his attempt to hold back his cough. “Don’t hold it back, you idiot.”

He pouted, muttering under his breath, “such heartwarming words.” He hid his face in the crook of his elbow and coughed, the sound ripping through his chest. He winced, eyes shut tightly and the corners of his mouth turning downwards.

“Oh, baby,” your fingers ran through his hair, scratching at his scalp before moving down to cup his cheek. San leaned into your touch, turning his head to kiss your palm, his skin heated against yours. “I’ll go make you some tea.”

“Don’t go,” he mumbled, taking your free hand in his and interlocking your fingers with his, giving them a tight squeeze.

“I’ll just be a moment,” you leaned in to plant a kiss on his cheek.

“Just stay here, I don’t need any tea,” San touched his forehead to yours.

You kissed the tip of his nose, then placed another one on his cheekbone. “Yes you do.” Untangling yourself from him, you made your way to the kitchen, stopping at his bedroom door. “Just call out if you need me.”

You left the room, finally allowing yourself to laugh at the expression San was giving you – bottom lip jutting out, eyes big and pleading.

He was so cute, you thought, as you stared at the boiling water. Dropping a few pieces of ginger into the water, followed by a stick of cinnamon, you left them to boil on low heat for a few minutes. You turned the stove off before placing a tea bag into the kettle and watched as the liquid slowly darkened.

Pouring the steaming tea into his favourite mug, you walked back to his room.

You immediately noticed his restless shuffling under the thick blanket, his breathing heavy and labored, a sheen of sweat reflecting the dim light from the small lap perched on his bedside.

"San?" You hurried to his side, setting the mug down by the lamp before placing your palm on his forehead, worried his fever might have returned. "Does anything hurt?"

"(Y/n), please…" He muttered, voice so breathy his words were barely coherent, still fidgeting under his blanket.

"What's wrong, Sannie?" You began to push the blanket off him, allowing the cool air to hit his heated skin.

Your worry faded as soon as you pulled it off his torso, leaving it gathered at his knees. Your eyes traveled between his pants – pulled midway down his thighs – and his hand, wrapped around his hard length, his hips thrusting into his fist with vigor.

"S-san! What are you doing?" Your hands twitched at your sides, not knowing what to do, your eyes stuck on San's lower half. Arousal pooled between your legs, waves of heat surging through your body.

"Please, (Y/n)- ah," he whined. His fingers squeezed around his girth, the breathy moan that escaped his lips going straight to your core. "Please, help me. Wooyoung said-"

"Sannie, Wooyoung’s an idiot. You need to rest," your voice wavered, prying your eyes off San's middle to meet his eyes.

"Please… please, please, (Y/n)."

You were stuck battling between your morals and your arousal, rubbing your thighs together as you struggled to speak. But San was looking up at you with hooded eyes, lips parted as he panted heavily, hips never ceasing their movement. You eyed the bead of precum leaking from his tip – how his hand smeared it down his length with its relentless movement. With those flushed cheeks and whispered pleads – how could you ever say no?

"What can I do to make you feel better?"

"Ah, San. Fuck. Your mouth is so-," warm, you wanted to say before San ripped another moan out of you, your hand fisted in his hair as he lapped at your cunt like a starved man.

He slipped another finger alongside the two he had stuffed inside you, curling them to drag along your walls, pressing against the spot that made your back arch, your breathy moans egging him on.

"Taste so good," he nuzzled his nose against your clit, his tongue slipping down to lick up the wetness dripping out of you and around his fingers. His hips rutted against the sheets where he laid on his stomach, eyes fluterring shut as he breathed heavily against your folds, drunk off your arousal.

"Oh, God. San- hnngh," your hips jumped off the bed, your hand on the back of San's head helping you push him closer to your core. "I'm about to- ah, baby, you're making me feel so good."

San's fingers thrusted into you harder, encouraged by your praise, pressing against your sweet spot every time he pushed back in. His tongue was back on your clit, alternating between lapping at it and sucking it between his lips. Your back arched once more as waves of pleasure rushed through your body, your thighs shaking around San's face as he helped you ride out your high, his fingers deep inside you while his tongue worked to swallow everything you gave him.

Panting heavily, your eyes closed, trying to regain your breath. "Shit, San."

San climbed up your body, his chin dripping with his spit and your arousal. "Did that feel good?" He looked at you through hooded eyes, his chest rising and falling at the same rate as yours.

“Yes, San, it was amazing,” you breathed out a laugh, jumping when the tip of his cock brushed against your sensitive clit. San leaned closer, his chest pressed against yours, head tucked into the crook of your neck.

"Can I-" San pressed his lips against your skin, taking the shell of your ear between his teeth, the hand not holding him up wrapping around his cock again. He pumped himself a few times before running his tip along your folds, his precum mixing with the spit and arousal.

You tucked a few strands behind his ear, holding his cheek in your hand, smiling when he nuzzled into the touch. "Kiss me, Sannie."

San shook his head against your palm. "I don't want to get you sick."

You moved your hand to his nape, pulling his face closer to yours, pressing a kiss to the corner of his lips, smiling against the skin. "I think it's a little too late for that."

That was all it took for San to slam his lips against yours and moaning into your mouth, his teeth clashing against your front ones, desperately biting into your bottom lip.

"Let me have you, please, let me," he whispered against your lips, diving back in to suck your bitten bottom lip into his mouth.

You nodded, reaching down to take his length between your fingers – eliciting a sharp hiss from the man above you – and positioned him at your entrance, adjusting your position to take him more easily. San pushed forward, his tip breaching your tight hole, sliding more of his length inside you as his tongue ran over the roof of your mouth, sucking your tongue between his lips. He bottomed out inside you, pulling back to pant against your lips, his moans breathy and needy. Grinding his hips against yours, your eyes rolled back with a whispered fuck.

San pressed his forehead to yours, struggling to keep his eyes open while your walls squeezed around his length. "Is that okay, baby? God, you feel so good, I could cum right now."

"It feels so- so good, Sannie," you cupped his cheeks, one hand slipping down to his neck. "Just- please, move."

With his lips attached to your neck, he gave a few slow thrusts, the stretch of his cock between your walls almost overwhelming. You wrapped your arms around San's shoulders, feeling his muscles flex under your touch.

"I need-" he panted against your skin, lips pressed to your cheek, peppering open-mouthed kisses all over your face. San bent one of his knees, pressing it into the mattress by your hips, your thigh hooked over his. "I need more, please. Can I have more, please baby?"

San's eyes were teary as they stared into yours, pleading, his hand squeezing the flesh of your hip, cock dragging against your walls.

Your hand slid down to his lower back, lips pressing against his jaw. "Take what you want, Sannie, I'm all yours."

Digging the knee by your hip into the mattress, San pushed his cock all the way inside you, rolling his hips until they were flush with yours, your eyes rolling back at the stretch. With a hand on the underside of your thigh, he bent it back until your knee rested under your armpit before he began to piston his hips, building a steady rhythm as he fucked the moans out of you. San’s lips pressed gentle kisses down the column of your throat, stopping to suck and bite at the flesh, leaving behind a trail of purple and blue bruises that you would scold him for later.

He breathed heavily against your skin, a mix of grunts and airy moans escaping his lips. “You’re so perfect, every last bit of you,” he took your nipple into his mouth, giving it a sharp suck before biting down on it, your body jolting under him.

“San – a-ahh – more, give me more.” Your whole body spasmed every time his cock brushed against your sweet spot, his hand pushing your other leg over his shoulder, folding you in half so he could fuck you even harder. “You feel so good, baby. So, so good.”

“Fuck. I’m not going to last,” he tongue made a trail up your cleavage to the hollow of your neck, moving to your face and slotting his lips against yours, running his tongue over your teeth.

Please, please, please, you repeated, unsure of what exactly you were asking for, San’s hips slamming so hard against yours it left your brain lagging. He brought the hand on your thigh down to your sopping folds, two fingers rubbing hastily at your swollen clit as he tried to bring you over the edge with him. Your walls clenched around his throbbing cock as a numbing wave of pleasure coursed through your body. San’s hips stuttered, managing a few more thrusts before stilling, cock pushed all the way inside your pulsing cunt as the familiar warmth of his cum took over your senses. A series of high-pitched moans escaped his lips as he emptied his load inside you.

He pulled out just enough to shoot the last rope of cum onto your mound, rubbing it through your folds with the tip of his cock, your legs closing in around his hips when he brushed against your clit.

He looked down at the mess he had made before sheathing himself back inside your cunt, pushing some of his cum out in the process.

“S-san!” Your hips jolted, trying to move away from him as you began to feel overstimulated.

“I’m sorry, please, just-” He rocked his hips into yours, his face tucked into your neck, his hot breath blowing against your skin. “I need more, (Y/n).”

Your thighs shook uncontrollably around him, the pleasure mixing with pain as your nerves went into overdrive. But San was looking at you with teary eyes, sniffing every other second as his nose started running. He looked so fucked out, hair disheveled and the sheen of sweat covering his body reflecting the dim light. He pushed his hips flush against yours, grinding slowly, unable to stop himself as waves of pleasure shot through his spine.

“Please… just one more… please, baby, will you give it to me?” He pressed his lips to your cheek, then to your nose, and finally your mouth, placing short sweet kisses on your lips while he begged you for more.

When the tears welling up in his eyes – a mixture of his cold and the pleasure overwhelming his every sense – dampened his precious skin, his eyes glimmering as he looked down at you, you knew you had lost this battle. Perhaps even the war, and everything in between.

“I’ll give you anything you want, Sannie,” you whispered against his lips, moaning into his mouth as his thrusts picked up their pace, the sound of skin slapping on skin echoing between the four walls.

Sliding his arms under you, he held you closer to him, your tits squeezing against his chest as his cock slid in and out of you, pushing directly against your g-spot with every thrust. San’s moans got louder – needier – as he pumped himself into you, desperately chasing his high.

“You’re taking me so well, my love – ahhh – fuck, (Y/n), every single inch,” he bit down on your shoulder, squeezing your waist so tight he was bound to leave bruises. “I’m going to fill you up with so much cum, it’ll be dripping out of you for days. You'll take all of it, won't you?”

His words made your walls clamp up on him, his thrusts faltering and turning sloppy. “Please, Sannie, want your cum so bad – hnnngh,” your nails dragged over the soft skin of his back, your eyes rolling back when his fingers made contact with your clit, rubbing at it desperately, reveling in the feeling of your pussy clenching around his cock. “I’m- fuck, I’m so close.”

"My pretty baby," he slid his tongue over your parted lips. "So beautiful, letting me fuck my cum into her."

Your hand slid down his slick skin to squeeze at the firm flesh of his ass, making him groan into your neck. Slowly, your fingers made their way between his cheeks, brushing over his puckered hole. San’s eyes rolled to the back of his head, pounding his cock into you with fervor as you sunk the tip of your finger into his ass, feeling it clench around your digit. A familiar warmth surged through you as San pumped his cum into you, sliding his cock in and out of your abused cunt as ribbons of white painted your walls. He slowly stilled his hips and you felt his cock throbbing inside you, his cum fucked so deep into you, you feared no contraceptive could stop you from bearing his children. He leaned in, pressing his mouth to yours as he filled you up; his lips parted after a few seconds, the pleasure leaving him too fucked out to do anything but moan and groan into your mouth.

“(Y/n), baby, you feel so good... it won’t stop coming out,” he ground his hips into yours, feeling more of his cum filling you up, a stream of it leaking out and pooling on his sheets.

The tears in his eyes, the euphoric expression on his face, his thumb rubbing slow circles over your sensitive clit, the feeling of his cock buried so deep within you still shooting out ropes of cum – you weren’t sure what threw you off the edge, perhaps it was all of those factors combined. Your toes curled, and you could swear you saw stars, vision blurring as your body writhed under San’s, clawing at his back while he helped you ride out your high.

Your legs didn't stop spasming even after San plopped down on his side next to you, reaching out to brush your hair off your face, his palm cupping your cheek, thumb rubbing against the flushed skin. “Are you okay?”

You blinked slowly at him, a lazy smile tugging at the corners of your lips. “Mmm, perfect.” You turned your body to face him, your knees shaking in the process – and San may or may not have smiled proudly at that. “You know, I would have hid your scarves a long time ago if I knew you could fuck like that.”

Your giggles vibrated between the walls as San attacked you, fingers prodding at your sides, limbs too heavy to fight him off your body.

Wooyoung peeked his head into the room, grimacing at the overbearing stuffiness. Looking around, he noticed the pile of clothes thrown into one corner, soiled towels tossed in the opposite direction. A pair of bodies slept soundly, tangled up together under the thick comforter, San's soft snores breaking through the stillness in the room.

Wooyoung’s hand reached up to cover his mouth, stifling a squeaky laugh as the realization hit him.

“Holy shit, they actually did it.”

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non-stop-imagines · 3 months

Note

MEE RELEASE THE ARCHIVES BABE

Thank you for this. It kick started my creativity. I have soooo many WIPs that I'm excited to show you guys and my ideas need somewhere to land, so why not here.

I'm also gonna link this to my Masterlist so I can link the finished products to both and people are able to choose how they decide which fic to read.

(A bunch of barely coherent brainstorming under the cut 😚 And this apparently will be changing and updated whenever I think of it so keep checking back 💖)

Works in progress/ideas by driver:

Lewis Hamilton

- Something with the vibe of Angel of Mine by Monica because that song reminds me of him every time it comes on and I desperately want to try writing for Lewis again

Another song one. Ours by Taylor Swift. You both are very busy but very in love and will always make time for each other. No matter what.

Max Verstappen

Raincheck sneak peek here (Intense hatred between Max and the reader can only last so long.)

Big brother Max trying to help his sister out but is block by his father at EVERY TURN. (Tyla faceclaim and the request alone has me obsessed with her now. I absolutely love her.

Different things to add to Repeat That Au; Big sister, best friend and a lot of pregnancy talk (including something that links in the On Display Au courtesy of my ♥️ anon)

Lando Norris

Lando flirting with his PR manager who is a few years older.

Two words: Uncle. Lando.

Something to the song Making Whoopee by Frank Sinatra bc Lando seems like the type of guy to do anything for the girl he wants to fu k really badly. Wedding. Home. Baby. Whole nine yards. Big simp energy. The best type of energy

More from the Valentine Au because it's cute and I love it

Lance Stroll

Fake dating. We love when besties fake date and fall in love 😙

Oscar Piastri

Oscar loves his wife. Talks about her all the time. But no one knows they're married??? A little sneaky peek (that is barely put together):

"Your girlfriend is into astrology. I made the mistake of telling her my birthday." Lando spoke, twirling his flags, not seeing the extremely confused look Oscar was giving him.

"Girlfriend?" Lando looked up at his teammate and given him an equally confused face, believing his comment was quite clear.

"Uh, yeah? Yn?" Lando was so matter of fact, and yet had no idea how wrong he was.

"Yn's my wife. We're married."

"BUT YOU'RE BABIES!?"

"YOU'RE TWO YEARS OLDER THAN US!

More for Girl Almighty bc we have to see how the reader and Oscar do driving against each other

Charles Leclerc

Cocoa Butter Kisses-Charles is mesmerizing by your everything shower routine and how good you smell when you're done

Rockstar-undercover soft girl-reader; another smutty one; just gotta figure out the direction I was to take it

Wedding Night-Self explanatory;smut and aftercare (almost done with the smut, just gotta do the aftercare)

More stuff from My Biggest Fan Au bc who doesn't love Charles and Gianna 🥹

Something to I Wish by 1D with Pierre. You and Charles are literally the perfect couple. The entire way through. (See the ideas for Pierre for his part in the plot)

Logan Sargeant

Thanksgiving with the Fam and our very own Mr. America gets to experience a black Thanksgiving (yes I did get that suggestion right after Thanksgiving. Let's not talk about that 😔)

Something with the vibe of Wouldn't it be Nice by The Beach Boys bc apparently I think Logan is the purest little boy on the grid and just wants to live a happy life with his girlfriend

Carlos Sainz

More for Mírame Au (stay tuned bc there will come a time where I open request for suggestions for this 😚)

Esteban Ocon

Man's will be pining for Lewis' personal assistant and it will become a viral F1 moment.

Daniel Ricciardo

Reader can't stand sisters new boyfriend, and Daniel can't stand the fact that his girlfriends identical twin sister hates him, but feelings change, just not for the better

Handled: The Backstory (How reader and Daniel meet and fall for each other 😚) yes it will be smutty

Something based off the song "Would You Go with Me" because it is very Daniel and I don't know how to explain it

What do you think the opposite of On Display would be? (Hint: jealous Danny 😚)

More for On Display, but I might make her an OC to make another fic suggestion (look under Max ideas) a bit easier to write.

Fernando Alonso

Fernando and reader are literally each other's muse, he talk about her all the time and he inspires and entire album (and makes his music video debut)

Fernando gets some plants to impress reader; now he the plant dad to her plant mom and it's an inside jokes between family and friends

Fernandos favorite pass time is picking the readers hair color

Sebastian Vettel

Sebastian only wants one thing: For everyone to know how much he loves his ballerina girlfriend. Another little sneak peek (that, again, is just barely put together):

"Yes. You are in the presence...of the first...black Sugar Plum Fairy for the New York City Ballet." Your cheeks were sore from smiling, but nothing could dull your shine right now. Your friends that were hovering around you finally crowd around and give you tight loving squeezes, greeting Sebastian on your phone and bragging on your accomplishment.

"Sebastian! How does it feel to be dating the best principal dancer in the history of the New York City Ballet?" Your friend, Julia, hooks her arms over your shoulders and presses her mouth to your temple.

"I'm just glad I get to be her boyfriend. That's my title now. Sebastian Vettel, boyfriend Yn, New York City Ballett Principal Dancer and first black NYCB Sugar Plum Fairy.

Pierre Gasly

Introducing new OC!Eve (Chloe Bailey faceclaim);my way of introducing the readers sister into the Repeat That Au; we get to start off with a small backstory

I Wish-1D; Pierre's got it BAD. Go listen to the song. His POV is the song. It's heartbreaking and I love it so much. Probably one of the first fics that doesn't have a happy ending.

Maxiel

Trying get someone to buy you and Daniel a drink goes wrong

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kairiscorner · 8 months

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never feel ashamed that you're feeling. — miles 1610 with an emotional!adopted!younger sister!reader

(reblogs are greatly appreciated, it helps get my content out there! if you guys like what you see, please reblog it too <:D)

summary: some people just love to rile you up and make you tear up, and those people never know what you're going through. but your big brother, miles, does—and he wants you to know that there's no shame in crying, no shame in feeling bad about it even if it didn't sound as bad to other people. genre: platonically angsty, fluffy, and comforting !! pairing: miles 1610 and an emotional!adopted!younger sister!reader word count: 840 request: miles with an adopted!sister who is very sensitive.(12 yo) so like, someone was making fun of reader and then miles saw a readers eye starting to tear up. what will he do?🤷🏻‍♀️ thanks you 💋😘 (you're the reason why i watched atsv) author's note: i need a kuya miles in my buhay i swear (ALSO I'M SO HONORED TO KNOW ANON WATCHED ATSV ALL BC OF ME, WHAT ... i'm cryin rn fr and in the mood to rewatch itsv since it released on netflix for us again FINALLY) i hope ya like this anon 🫂

miles snuck into his room after swinging throughout the city as spider man, making sure the city would be safe for yet another day, that his family would stay safe for another day. his dad was still on patrol and his mom was taking the night shift at the hospital tonight, he would be the only one home—along with his darling little sister... who was sobbing her eyes out and crying aloud into the night over what some kids at school teased her heavily for.

miles heard her sobbing as he quickly changed out of his spider suit and into his home clothes, pretending he had just come home. he followed the sounds of your crying as he searched for you in the hallway. he called out your name all concerned, hoping you weren't hurt or anything, but all he got in response were bawls and broken, choked up sounds of 'get away, miles' and 'you can't help me'. miles stood by your doorway, his eyebrows crinkling upwards in worry over what happened to you. he stepped inside your room and sat beside your curled up, crying figure on the other side of the bed. "sis, wh... what happened? are... oh, what's wrong?" he asked you, worry pricking at his voice.

he handed you a handkerchief from his jacket pocket, which you took and dabbed away at your ceaselessly falling tears, as miles held you close, wrapping his arms around you, hoping you'd know that he's listening to you, he's gonna help you, any way he can, if you'd just... open up to him, be honest. "the kids... at school..." you began, sobbing into the handkerchief now as miles nodded, listening to every word you spoke and were to speak. "they... they kept teasing me, they... pointed out that... i look nothing like dad, that mom's not even... not even my mom, that... i'm no morales..." you whispered, your voice cracking as you wept even more, feeling the insecurity claw at you as miles looked at you in shock.

he knew a lot of kids were jerks, not all of them meant what they said, not a lot of them even knew they were being hurtful with their words—but to know that these kids at school kept reminding you that their family merely adopted you hurt him, too. this was a particularly painful topic for you to dwell on, because all your life, all you can remember was being rejected by people you hoped would love you—getting your heart stomped and trampled on every time you hoped you'd find a family whose love for you was unconditional and would last a lifetime and beyond that. of course, the morales family was just that kind of family you dreamed of; but with how often your heart had been hurt, had been pierced, torn apart, and neglected... you always had that fear that you would never truly be accepted, that you'd never truly have a family to call your own that'd also claim you as their own.

though miles doesn't care, he doesn't care that you might not look like him, nor were you carried by his mother and introduced to him and the rest of his family since you were born, but instead, he saw you still as his one and only beloved little sister that he'd give up the whole world—whole universe—for. he loves you dearly, even though neither of you share a drop of blood; he's here for you, every day, every hour, every minute, and every second—he refuses to let you think you don't belong here, when in the very first place, your place in the family was carved long, long ago when rio and jeff took you in and made you one of theirs. "hey, now... please don't cry, sis..." he pleaded with you as he pulled you close to him, sitting you up and wiping the tears away from your eyes, sadly smiling at you, hoping his smile would be contagious enough to get you to smile, too. "it doesn't matter, though, if you and i share DNA or not—what matters is that you're here now, you're a part of this family now, and you always will be. it doesn't matter what anyone else says, in here, in your heart, you're with us—always, and forever." he mutters to you with a smile as he embraces you, kissing the top of your head and rubbing your shoulders, patting you lovingly as you sobbed.

you wailed even harder at miles' endlessly loving reassurance, him being the big brother you never asked for, but got anyway—because even though neither of you share a drop of blood, a parent, or any history together prior to your adoption; he's here for you, always, and will always listen to your problems, hold you close, and be your ally for any and everything you do and undertake. he's your number one fan, supporter, and superhero—he's your big brother, and he always will be.

tags !! @ii01vq @luvstarrstruck @maxoloqy @k4tsu3 @solecitoszn @toneystank-3000 @popeheywardssecretgf @lovefrominaya @onginlove @meowmoraless

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kentopedia · 1 year

Text

the ghost of you

osamu dazai x f!reader wc: 6.9k

summary: atsushi suspects something is off about dazai. he meets you, and suddenly, everything falls into place.

contents: ghosts!!, lot of angst my fav genre, dazai as his own warning, atsushi and reader povs, gothic (?) romance bc that was its originial intention, soft dazai, also everyone is a little older than in canon for timeline purposes

Atsushi found him in the cemetery, staring at a grave with a name that he didn’t recognize. The air was crisp; Christmas was just around the corner and the new year loomed in the distance. Dead leaves puddled around the other man, creating a perfect beige halo on the ground.

The sight was so serene—Atsushi hated that he would be the one to disturb it.

“Dazai?” He approached cautiously, never quite sure how to anticipate his reactions. His boots made an overly conspicuous sound, making Atsushi cringe.

Dazai was silent, still staring at the grave in front of him. The mud from the previous night’s rainfall mucked up his trousers, heavy brown spots seeping through the cloth.

“Kunikida told me to come get you. The President wants to have a meeting.”

He’d been sent to fetch Dazai, as usual, to bring him back to work. A hilarious notion, considering that Dazai never listened to anyone, especially not Atsushi.

He shifted—the leaves broke under him, crumbling into a hundred little pieces.

Atsushi watched as Dazai swallowed thickly, his eyes holding more sadness than usual. Dazai was no stranger to sorrow. That was easy for anyone to surmise. Today, though, there was something off. He was acting differently than usual; a bad different, and one that Atsushi wasn’t sure he wanted to acknowledge.

“Dazai?”

Atsushi considered asking what was wrong, but he bit his tongue. Dazai would just give him a cryptic answer anyways, revealing not a scrap of the secrets he kept so close to his chest.

“Remind him what day it is.” Dazai finally spoke, his voice coming out so hoarse that Atsushi almost wondered if it was his imagination. He’d never heard a sound like that leave Dazai’s lips before. “I won’t be in today.”

“But—” Atsushi began, though he quickly stopped when Dazai turned to fully face him.

His features were so hollowed out and lifeless. There was something horrible in the way that his shoulders seemed to slump, leaning over the grave like he wanted to bury himself in it too. His hands had fallen in the mud haphazardly, creating patterns in the soil.

“Sure.” Atsushi put his hands in his pockets. “I’ll let him know.”

He watched for a few fleeting moments as Dazai turned back to the grave, pressing his palms to the dirt tenderly. He was in his own world and Atsushi, truly, didn’t know if he’d heard him at all.

Without another word, Atsushi turned, heading back towards the Armed Detective Agency. He only hoped that Dazai’s message would make sense to Fukuzawa; he certainly didn’t want to get chewed out by Kunikida for not delivering upon his request.

You traced the soft edges of the book as you came to the close of yet another chapter.

Already, you were near the end, even though you’d only started it a few days ago. Your large stack of to-be-read novels was quickly dwindling; you kept forgetting to ask Dazai to pick you up some new ones.

For a few more minutes, you tried to read, but the words failed to ingrain into your mind. You’d been distracted all day, and it was difficult to focus on anything but old memories.

With a sigh, you resigned yourself to a break when the door opened and closed downstairs.

Finally, he was home.

You smiled to yourself, closing the book with a ribbon.

His footsteps were quiet up the stairs, but you could still sense them, just as always. The melody of his movements was soothing, familiar enough to always relax you.

You waited, though it was only a few moments before the door unlatched, the wooden frame creaking on its hinges.

Dazai seemed tired on the other side of the threshold, his coat already slung off in his journey to the second floor. His dark hair was a mess, falling in tangled strands all over his face, even darker circles forming under his eyes.

Fleetingly, he met your gentle gaze, and something in the brown irises changed after that. The troubled look in them faded faintly, softening as he took in the sight of you lounging in the worn leather reading chair, a book resting on your lap,

“You’re home early,” you said, tossing the book aside to greet him.

He was upon you in an instant, arms pulling you into his chest as he buried his face in your hair. The warmth from his body seeped through to your very soul, shrouded by a layer of cold skin that had frozen in the brisk winter.

He didn’t reply to your question. He was unmoving in your embrace, a grim statue, and you were skeptical of his silence.

Without alarm, you pulled back to peer into his eyes, hoping to find the answer you sought. “Osamu?”

He kept his face glued to the top of your head, gingerly pressing kisses there.

“You didn’t leave work early again, did you?”

“Of course, I did.” It was then that he pulled back, revealing the contrasting redness in the whites of his eyes. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d seen Dazai cry, but he was close to tears now. The lines forming in his skin were deeper than you remembered—he was aging without you, it seemed. “I couldn’t leave you here by yourself today.”

You sighed—you should’ve known this would happen. The date was marked on the calendar with black smudges, crossed out in an emotion-fueled rage. You’d known it was coming for a while now, and you were stupid to expect that he would carry on as normal.

“You didn’t have to do that, you know.”

“Well, what kind of man would I be if I didn’t?” He forced a smile. A scapegoat—this was much more for him than it was for you.

He caressed your cheek lightly, expressing every delicate emotion that he couldn’t put into words through the slight touch of his hands. The two of you had gotten better at understanding each other over the years. Neither of you had to say much to be heard.

“Besides, I just wanted to come home and be with you,” he said, a comment left under his breath, though he knew you would hear it all the same. “I’d hardly say that’s the worst crime I’ve committed.”

You frowned. “I just—” you thought over your words, but stopped, finding no reason to argue. You were hurting just as much as Dazai was. It would be pointless to pretend otherwise.

“I’m sorry,” you said, meaning it wholeheartedly. Dazai seemed surprised by your swift apology but accepted it anyway. “I’m happy you came home, really.” That was quieter, but you could feel him smile, just a fraction, into your hair.

“I’m glad to be home, love.” Dazai pulled away from you and took your cold hand, leading you to the bed that was neatly made up in the middle of the room.

There was nothing seductive in his actions. His eyes were sullen and weary, exhausted from night upon night of sleeplessness.

He flung himself across the bed, his long limbs straightening out to all corners of the mattress. He hadn’t even bothered to change his clothes and they began to wrinkle.

Dazai regarded you with sleepy eyes as you slid onto the bed beside him, making your way into his embrace. He traced your features softly with the tips of his fingers, as if you weren’t really there at all.

“You’re so beautiful,” he said, pulling you close to him. Your fingers dangled together against the sheets, his white bandages catching. “And all mine.”

“Always a charmer.” You kissed the tip of his nose before snuggling into him, tucking your head under his chin.

He was quiet for a while, before you felt him fall into fitful sleep. Never fully into a dream, but never away from a nightmare either. You brushed your hands through his hair, the strands tangling between your fingers.

You wished he had the luxury of peace in his sleep. Even that seemed to evade him.

Atsushi returned to the Armed Detective Agency defeated as he rubbed his eyes with exhaustion. Kunikida was already standing by the door, arms crossed as he eyed Atsushi with contempt.

“Well?” he asked, practically stamping his feet.

Atsushi sank back, shuffling. “He said to remind you of what day it was,” he said helplessly, still having no idea what Dazai’s message meant.

Kunikida blinked.

He checked his notebook, then his watch, as if he’d forgotten what day it was.

A silly thing to Atsushi. He was certain that Kunikida had never forgotten a thing in his life.

“Oh,” the blond man said, his face losing all of its color before recovering swiftly. “We’ll proceed without him then. Come, Atsushi.”

Kunikida turned, still leaving Atsushi in the dark about the entire situation. And the younger man sputtered in confusion, never knowing Kunikida to be accepting of Dazai missing work.

“Did you get groceries today?”

Dazai walked towards the kitchen, and you followed him, gliding down the stairs with ease.

It had been a nice nap; the first one you’d had in a while. You could still feel his arms around you, and it set a flame to your very heart.

“It looks to be that way,” he teased, nodding towards the empty paper bags on the counter. “Did you need anything?”

“No, I didn’t, smartass.” You began to sift through what was new in the pantry. He hadn’t bought much—just a few essentials, but it was enough to fix something up. You’d been getting onto him about not taking care of his health lately. “I was just going to make dinner for you.”

Dazai’s head shot up, and he instantly returned to your side. There was some sort of horror in his expression, like it was a crime for you to whip up an easy meal for him. “You don’t have to do that.”

“But—”

“Come on,” he said, stealing the pans from you. “I’ll make my own dinner.”

You pouted, though you let him stop you anyways. “You always do it, though. Can’t I just do something for you for once?”

“What do you mean, darling? You always do things for me.” Dazai stared at you, unrelenting, though you held your ground.

For a moment, he stayed serious. Then, he softened. A slight quirk of the lips as he smiled. “Alright, fine.” He pressed a kiss between your eyebrows. “But I’m going to help you.”

You considered arguing, but it would be in vain. His mind was made up. At least you could do something that would occupy your thoughts.

Dazai picked items from the pantry, assembling some sort of a recipe. It wasn’t much, but it would likely be enough. Dazai had been eating less recently, to your sorrow. He seemed to forget more than he remembered.

You took the knife, slicing the meat and vegetables as he prepared everything else. The two of you worked in ease, skirting around each other without even realizing when the other was in the way. It was seamless—you understood one another with just a look.

“Is everyone at the agency doing alright?” you asked, desperate to break up the silence. The sound of the knife against the cutting board was painful enough.

“They’re all doing well,” Dazai said, pausing for a moment. He turned to face you, but your back was to him, stiff as a board. “They miss you. Very much.”

“I miss them too.” You could feel tears in your eyes, though you refused them. There was no room for you to cry; that’s what you told yourself, at least. “Did Atsushi take my desk?” you continued to monotonously chop the vegetables. “That’s the new guy, right?”

“Yeah, that’s him.” You heard a few swift footsteps before Dazai was hugging you from behind, desperately holding onto you. He bowed his head into the back of your neck. “I’ve asked them to leave your desk as it was. No one really touches it.”

You put the knife down, stilling. “Osamu—”

“Don’t say anything.”

“You should let someone else have it.”

“I won’t. You’re here, aren’t you?” He could feel you begin to shake, your whole body buzzing from something inside.

You took a shaky breath. “I’m not here. Not really.” You set down the knife, grasping his hand tightly instead. Sometimes, you weren’t sure how Dazai could even stand to touch your icy skin. “I’ll never be back to that desk.”

He didn’t respond.

“Osamu, I just wish you would try to—”

“Stop,” he said, releasing you. “I already know what you’re going to say.”

He pulled back, and the warmth left you once again. You were locked into an ice box.

“No matter how many times you ask, I won’t do it.”

You opened your lips but were unable to get the argument out. There was a knock at your door after that, ceasing the conversation. It was so rare that you had visitors—you hadn’t really gotten any in the past year.

It was odd that someone would be visiting you at this hour.

Atsushi waited anxiously on the other side, shivering in the icy cold. He stared at the outside of the brick building, trying to make a connection between this place and his co-worker.

It didn’t seem like the type of place that Dazai would reside in. It resembled something from a Victorian novel: beautiful only to the imagination, but not a safe place to inhabit.

He waited a few moments, trying to calm his racing nerves.

There was shuffling on the other side, but no answer. Atsushi began to worry he had the wrong house. Dazai had only told a couple people where he’d lived, and it took some very intense persuasion to even weasel that information out of them.

Atsushi was worried in a way that no one else was, and his desperation led them to revealing the information. He’d become a trusted member of the inner circle, but everyone at the agency was still so cryptic when it came to the manner of Dazai’s disappearance, and with Christmas nearing, Atsushi just really needed him to know that he wasn’t alone.

He knew that Dazai had his issues—ones that he would likely never understand—but there was something different about him this time. In the months that Atsushi had known him, he had never been so worried that his passing comments about suicide might actually come to fruition.

Finally, just as Atsushi was beginning to give up hope, the door cracked. A singular dark eye peeked out before widening. The door opened even further, revealing a puzzled expression on Dazai’s features.

“Atsushi,” Dazai said, surprised. “How did you find my house?”

"I asked around,” he said vaguely, trying not to throw anyone under the bus. Even though he knew Dazai would find out eventually, just as he always did. “I just wanted to see…” he trailed off, suddenly feeling imprudent. Dazai seemed fine—or, well, he seemed just as he always was. “You were acting strangely earlier.”

Dazai’s confusion increased, and then he laughed. It was the sort of laugh that was so joyful it unnerved Atsushi, leaving him unable to ease a singular worry.

“I wasn’t aware that you were so concerned for me, Atsushi.”

Atsushi flushed, embarrassed by his mocking tone. “I just thought I’d check in. You seem to be doing alright, though, so I’ll just—”

He began to back away, but Dazai was faster and pulled him back towards the door.

He glanced around, cautious, presumably wondering if anyone had followed Atsushi. When he deemed it safe, he welcomed him in, tugging him across the threshold.

“Do you want to meet someone?” he asked, slamming the door behind Atsushi.

He jumped at the noise. Despite trusting the man, Atsushi, briefly, wondered if he was about to meet his demise at the hands of Osamu Dazai. While he strongly believed that Dazai was a good man, he was also unpredictable. And right now, he was acting… very odd.

“I guess.” Atsushi felt that he didn’t really have a choice.

Dazai smiled, and began to lead him along, bringing him through the house that was almost as dreary on the inside as it was on the outside. There were so many candles—an unnecessary amount. How there hadn’t been a house fire was a mystery to everyone.

“Dazai—”

“We have a guest, my love!” Dazai shouted across the room, and it was then that Atsushi noticed the food cooking, the smell wafting through the air. It was delicious and warming, and all of the sudden, Atsushi felt much more relaxed.

Then, he processed Dazai’s words.

You peeked your head around the corner, meeting Atsushi’s eyes for the first time, and he was stunned by your very presence. Everything about you was disarming, and he nearly tripped at the sight of you.

You were otherworldly, almost. A being that was neither here nor there. He had no idea how he’d never seen you before, how no one had even mentioned you. You radiated allure and were a force on your own; a greater force with the likes of Dazai.

“Who’s this?” you asked, throwing a cloth on the counter once you’d dried your hands. Atsushi had been led into the kitchen, where the freshly baked meal was cooling.

“This is Atsushi,” Dazai introduced, and then gestured to you. “Atsushi, this is my lovely wife. I’ve been hoping you could meet her, but there really was never a good time.”

Atsushi paled and blinked. “What.” He glanced between the two of you, finding it difficult to even form words. “You… What?”

You told him your name, but that didn’t seem to help. Atsushi just stared at you, dumbfounded and clearly out of the loop.

You sighed; you truly should’ve known better.

“Osamu didn’t tell you about me, did he?” you said, frowning at Dazai and Atsushi furiously shook his head.

He was unapologetic, shrugging as he sauntered over to you.

“Don’t be mad,” he said, quietly, hoping that Atsushi wouldn’t hear. His hands briefly took your own, rubbing out the tension in your knuckles. “It’s so difficult to—”

“I’m not angry,” you said, and truthfully, you weren’t. There was no way you could’ve expected Dazai to just accept everything that had happened and move on like you weren’t living in the most unconventional way. “It just makes me sad.”

He squeezed your hand, nodding, before turning back to your guest. With a wide grin that was almost entirely fake, Dazai said, “you hungry Atsushi? We’ve got plenty to eat!”

Dinner had gone well, and Atsushi left in high spirits, already caring for you deeply. You’d won him over with your easy charms—heartbreaking, really, considering you could’ve been good friends in another life.

Later, hours after the two of you had fallen asleep, Dazai woke up, noticing that you weren’t in the space beside him as you had been. He felt around the mattress, eyes still closed until he was met with nothing but cold, empty air.

Panicked, he sat up straight, trying to adjust his eyes to the dark—was this it? The time you finally disappeared for good.

Then he heard the sniffling; silent, shaking sobs that he was, unfortunately, attuned to.

He padded over the floor, squatting beside you, careful not to alarm you with his touch. Your entire body was trembling as you curled into yourself, trying to hide your cries from him.

“What’s wrong, my love?”

“Nothing,” you said, wiping your eyes furiously. It was embarrassing for anyone to see you cry, even if it was only Dazai. The one person you wholeheartedly trusted. “I’m fine.”

“You’re not.” He softly gripped your bicep, trying to ease you out of your tense position.

You blinked at him, wondering if you could hold the rest of your pain in, push it down to the very depths of your hollowed soul. A second passed. Another.

The tears flowed freely down your face as you sobbed, hands resting in your lap limply. Dazai stared back at you helplessly, hands hovering over you like he didn’t know what to do with them.

“Did I do something?”

“No,” you said, wiping your eyes with so much force that it hurt. Over and over and over. “No, you’ve done nothing.”

“Then, what’s the matter?” His voice was softer—softer than you’d ever heard it. “I hate seeing you like this.”

“I can’t keep doing this, Osamu.”

He hesitated. There was something stricken in his dark eyes. “What do you mean?”

“I can’t keep ruining your life.”

He grabbed your hand forcefully, squeezing it like you were a lifeline. His hair fell into his eyes as he leaned forward, searching your face desperately for answers. “What are you talking about?”

“Don’t act like you don’t know.” You scowled, the unhappiness creasing your features. “I’m here and you’re there. I can’t go anywhere with you, I can’t see my old friends, I can’t do anything meaningful but rot. I’m stuck in this damn house, and you leave every day worried that I won’t be here when you return.”

He said your name softly, though you rambled on.

“I’m holding you back from everything. You’ll grow old, and I won’t. You’ll want kids and I can’t give them to you.” Your voice cracked; it was difficult to even meet his disturbingly sad eyes. “You could marry someone else if you wanted. Someone that could live a life with you. I really wouldn’t care.”

You would care—the thought of him loving anyone but you made you sick to your stomach. Still, you persisted, wanting nothing but happiness for him. As close to happiness as someone like him could get.

“Don’t ever say anything like that. This is a life.”

“Is it?” you asked, shaking your head mirthlessly. “Am I really worth all the pain that comes with me?”

“Of course you are!” Dazai exclaimed, frantically pulling you closer to him. “Do you really think I want any of that? I don’t care about kids; I don’t care about finding someone else. I don’t even care that you can’t leave the house. I just want to be around you for as long as I can. I’ll rot in here with you if that’s what it takes. I don’t ever want you to slip away.”

“Osamu, this isn’t healthy.”

“I couldn’t give less of a damn.” He said, peppering your faces with kisses. “I didn’t love you as well as I should’ve and I’m paying for it every day. Constantly reminded of all the times I fucked up, when I should’ve been appreciating every second, we had together.”

“You did your best,” you frowned, trying to still him, though your hands were shaking too. “Neither of us were in a position for a relationship. We did it anyway.”

“I should have been more careful,” Dazai said, cupping your face gently. He’d removed the bandages, and his sleeves slipped to expose his pale wrists. “I could’ve saved your life if I never would’ve asked you to marry me.”

“That’s not what I meant,” you said, leaning into the warmth of his palms. You closed your eyes, inhaling the natural perfume of his skin. “I would never regret ever being with you. We had our ups and downs, and we got through them because we were meant for each other.”

Dazai brushed your tears away with his thumb, and you smiled, pained, as they drifted away.

“I’ve always felt loved by you, you know. You don’t have to make up for all the things you didn’t say. I would never want you to regret our relationship. That would hurt me more than anything.”

Dazai’s expression became conflicted, revealing more emotion that you knew he could really understand. “I know.” He closed his eyes. “But I was a stupid boy when I met you and I’ll die a stupid man.”

“Stop blaming yourself. Please.”

“I don’t know how not to,” he said, bowing his head into his chest. “I knew you could’ve been hurt, but I was so stupidly naïve—I could’ve saved you.”

“Osamu—”

“I could’ve done something.”

“No, you couldn’t have. I was dying. I was calling to tell you goodbye. That I loved you.” You smiled sadly. “And Merry Christmas.”

There was a long lapse of silence as he processed your words. You carded your fingers through his hair—it was getting long again.

“I don’t deserve to have another chance with you,” he finally said, sighing to himself. “But I’m so thankful that I got one.”

“So,” Atsushi said when Dazai had finally left the room, going on his extended lunch break. “Why did no one tell me that Dazai was married?”

Everyone stilled. And Atsushi, suddenly, felt very uncomfortable. It was completely silent—a pen dropping would’ve shaken the entire building.

“Who told you that?” Ranpo asked, pulling the lollipop out of his mouth. For once, even he seemed a little concerned. “Dazai?”

“He wouldn’t have, Dazai doesn’t talk about her,” Yosano said, getting a little too close to Atsushi for comfort. He cowered under her intimidating gaze, having no desire to be interrogated. “Did you go through company files or something?”

“No,” Atsushi swore, flustered from all the eyes on him. “Why would I do that?”

“How else would you have known—”

“Yosano, calm down,” Kunikida said softly, trying to decipher something in Atsushi’s behavior. “You can’t possibly think that he would do something like that.”

Yosano, at least, didn’t have any evidence to respond with. It wasn’t enough to calm Atsushi, though, with all the skeptical glances on him.

Kunikida faced Atsushi once more, delivering the response like it was just any boring lecture, as calmly as possible. “We didn’t tell you because Dazai didn’t. We wanted to respect his privacy and his wishes; it’s not our information to share.”

He made a face—Atsushi could understand privacy, but for something like this? It made no sense. “I don’t understand…”

“How did you even find out about that?” Ranpo kicked his feet up on the desk, his eyes contemplative. Atsushi felt like he was under a microscope with the way Ranpo was looking at him, determined to uncover every last secret. “Was someone gossiping because of yesterday? I wouldn’t be surprised,” he hummed, more to himself than anything.

“Probably Naomi,” Yosano added. “She thinks it’s all romantically tragic… I’d say it’s just plain tragic.”

“No, no, no.” Atsushi shook his head. “No one told me anything about her, I met her. Yesterday.”

A pause. Everyone blinked.

“What?” Kunikida seemed uncomfortable by the comment. His words came out more choked and uncertain than normal.

“Yeah,” Atsushi said, explaining as best he could. “I went to Dazai’s house yesterday because I was worried about him. No one explained what was going on, and then…” Atsushi told the rest of the story, from meeting you to sharing a meal together, and then leaving like the three of you were old friends.

It seemed to go over everyone’s head. They all stared back at him with blank eyes.

“That’s not possible. Dazai must have had someone else over.”

“What? She told me her name. They said they were married.”

“What did you take last night? I’d certainly like to try it.” Ranpo’s deadpan comment did nothing to ease Atsushi’s frustrations.

“What? Nothing!” He grasped at his white hair, feeling like he was talking to a brick well. “I told you I went to his house and met his wife, and we had dinner. Why is that such an issue?”

“Atsushi…” Kunikida exchanged a glance with Yosano. “It’s an issue because it’s not possible. She’s been dead for over a year.”

For the second time that week, a visitor came to your door, interrupting your lifeless routine. You muted the television, walking downstairs to retrieve your guest.

“Atsushi,” you said, unsurprised when the door revealed the young man. The appalled and uncertain expression on his face told you everything you need to know.

With a heavy exhale, you opened the door wider, beckoning him through it. “I take it you know, then?”

“Kunikida said that you’re dead.” Atsushi blinked; his feet planted into the concrete.

“I am.”

“You’re a ghost.”

“I am.” With a nod, you glanced around, desperately trying to get him through the door before anyone saw you. Your neighbors had never really been your friends, but last they heard, you’d passed onto another plane. “Please, come in.”

He didn’t budge. “You’re a ghost.”

You frowned. “I’m not an evil spirit, Atsushi. I’m the same as I was before, except now you know everything. Please, come in.”

“Dazai’s not here, is he?”

You pinched the bridge of your nose. “He’ll be home soon.” You took a heavy breath, stepping backwards into your home. “If you came here to talk, then let’s talk. If you’re going to stare at me like that, then I’ll ask you to leave.”

Atsushi blinked once more, and then made a face, finally stepping through the threshold. He paused when you shut the door, as if expecting the other shoe to drop, for you to attack him with a grotesquely transformed face.

You sighed and pushed past him towards the kitchen. “Would you like some tea? It should be done by now.”

Atsushi was silent, though you could hear him following you anyways. You poured two cups and put one in front of him, though he still stared at it mistrustfully.

“It’s not poisoned,” you said, sipping your drink mindlessly. It was boiling hot, but the temperature didn’t do anything to your lifeless body. The scalding liquid went down like cold water, tasteless. “You watched me pour it straight from the pot. One for myself, as well.”

“You’re dead,” Atsushi stated, making the point known for the third time that afternoon. “Poison wouldn’t bother you.”

“Right.” The thought was dismal, and your face fell, realizing that even after a year, you still acted sometimes, like things were still normal. “I guess I didn’t think about that.”

You stirred the tea with sugar, and while you knew it wouldn’t change the flavor, you kept the same habits from when you were alive. Sometimes, the smell of food was so strong, it was enough for you to taste it. Most of the time, it was just empty nothingness.

“I’m sure you have lots of questions. That’s why you’re here, isn’t it?”

“Maybe,” Atsushi said, finally gaining enough courage to taste the tea. He was quiet for a few minutes, testing to see if his vision began to grow fuzzy. When he deemed it safe, he went on. “I don’t understand why no one told me. I’ve always wondered about the desk frozen in time in the corner of the agency. No one told me it was because of you.”

“There’s still photos of Osamu on it, aren’t there?” You smiled, remembering when you had framed them. There was really no reason, since you saw him at the agency every day, but you liked having such permanent and wholesome proof of your relationship there for everyone to see.

“I thought he put them there himself,” Atsushi said truthfully, almost grimacing.

You laughed. “Well, that honestly does sound like something he would do.” Guiltily, you looked down, away from Atsushi’s hopeful expression. “I told him to get rid of it. I’m sure it’s just wasting space.”

“Not really. There are other empty desks there too. Besides, I don’t think anyone wants the memory of you gone. Dazai, least of all.”

You grew warm at the thought of everyone you had worked with. Maybe, if Atsushi knew, Dazai would finally be willing to tell a few other people. You so desperately wanted to see them: Yosano, Kunikida, Ranpo. If even just to say goodbye.

“Why are you here?” Atsushi said, finally breaking the silence. “Did you die here?”

“I’m surprised no one told you.” Your eyebrows raised. “It was a big deal when it happened. They hadn’t lost an agent before. I was the first.”

“You died on a mission, then?”

You nodded. “I guess I could explain from the beginning.”

Atsushi didn’t say anything, so you decided to go ahead. The least he deserved was some sort of explanation.

“Osamu and I met when we were young.”

You recalled the period between your escape from the mafia and your incorporation into the Armed Detective Agency. The time when you felt invincible, like you could do anything, and the world was powerless to stop you.

Practically kids back then, so desperate to find a home. Your marriage was swift and foolish, but you would never regret it. After that, you’d been the happiest you’d ever been.

Atsushi seemed enraptured by the tale you spun—you didn’t tell him everything, but you told him enough. Probably more than Osamu would’ve, anyway.

“Then what happened on the mission?” Atsushi said, leaning forward, more trusting of you now that he’d been sitting there for a while. It was like all of the tension had eased away, and you were two old friends, reconnecting after a long time.

“I was sent on a mission and got caught in the crossfires. I was caught off-guard, and I shouldn’t have been.” You frowned, looking past his shoulders. As much as Dazai blamed himself, at the end of the day it was you who had gotten yourself killed. “An assassin in the Port Mafia took a shot at me—someone low on the totem pole who had no idea who he was dealing with and ignored orders from his superiors.” You sighed, shaking your head. “He didn’t last much longer after that. If Dazai hadn’t taken care of him, I have no doubt Akutagawa would’ve.”

“Dazai was with you?” Atsushi said, wringing his eyebrows together. “I thought—”

“He wasn’t,” you said simply. “It was the first time we’d split up for a mission. Everything was going well, and we thought it would be fine. It’d been years—no one in the Mafia was going to come after us.” You laughed mirthlessly, shaking your head. What a foolish thought. Even Dazai’s lasting reputation wasn’t enough to save your one life.

Atsushi seemed misty-eyed, his chest aching at your experience. He was no stranger to heartbreak, either. “He still blames himself, then.”

A statement, not a question. One you couldn’t argue—Dazai told you, over and over, that it was his fault. No matter how many times you swore that it wasn’t. You were in just as deep; you should’ve known to never drop your guard.

“I don’t know how I ended up back here. The day reset, and I was back in my bed, waking up to the sunrise. For a long time, I didn’t understand. Days went by where Osamu couldn’t see me, not until—” you stopped yourself, remembering who you were speaking to.

Even though you trusted Atsushi, those moments when you were never really there and Dazai was alone were not yours to disclose. Nor did you want to—they weren’t nice to relive. “Not until the days leading up to my funeral.”

Atsushi seemed to understand. He nodded, sinking back into his chair. “Do you want to move on, then?” You blinked, and he grew embarrassed, rubbing the back of his neck. “I mean, that’s what happens with ghosts, isn’t it? At least, in all the stories and stuff.”

“I knew what you meant.” you cut him off before he could make his way into a senseless ramble. “I just don’t know the answer. I thought I wanted to, but the thought of leaving someone behind.” You sighed. “I just don’t know if I could do it.”

Something clicked in your mind after that.

Dazai came back that evening much more cheerfully than he had left, the sullen expression gone from his features and replaced by a soft smile.

“It’s almost Christmas,” he said, coming up behind you to give you a kiss on the cheek. “Everyone at the agency is so much happier now. It never fails to amaze me that a singular date can put people in such high spirits. Everyone’s attitudes completely change leading up to the new year.”

“How lucky they must be to be excited for a fresh start.”

He rubbed your shoulders gently, noting the stiffness in your muscles with your response. You kept your eyes out the window, gazing mournfully at the falling snow.

“Most people are more fortunate than us,” he said, letting his hand fall away from you. You could hear the concern in his voice—you were so sick of putting it there. “That’s no surprise.”

A beat passed. The streetlights cast an eerie glow over the crystal grounds.

“It’s my second Christmas as a ghost,” you said, watching as a mother ran across the lawn with her young child, the two of them laughing joyously. You felt a stab of jealousy; you and Dazai had never talked about having kids, but now, you didn’t even have the choice. “How many more will there be?”

“Many more, I hope.” The conversation had come up many times in the past few days—too many times for Dazai not to be worried. “I don’t want you to leave, but you can’t stay here if it’s making you unhappy,” he said, pressing a kiss into your neck. “I’m a selfish man, but even I can’t ask you to forever exist in misery.”

“I’m not miserable,” you said, shaking your head as you turned to face him. “Not always. You make it all worthwhile.”

He smiled. It didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“But it doesn’t matter anyways.” You looked down at his pale hands, his delicate and long fingers. “I can’t leave.”

“You can’t or you don’t know how?” A crease formed between his eyebrows. The strands of hair against his forehead were oily. “I figured you didn’t know how; I never thought I’d be the reason you stayed.”

You met his gaze sadly, shaking your head. “How can you say that? You’re the only reason.”

Dazai said nothing, though his expression shifted marginally. Enough for you to understand it exactly.

“I’ve thought it over so many times. I was ready to go, I felt satisfied with my life, and I didn’t mind dying, but I couldn’t leave you.”

“You should’ve.” His limbs grew stiff, and you could feel him pulling away, withdrawing until you brought him back to you. “I’m not deserving of that.”

“It doesn’t matter if you are or not. I love you, Osamu Dazai, and I don’t know what will happen to you when I’m gone for good.” You traced your thumb against his cheeks, taking in every one of his features: his gentle brown eyes that contrasted with every other sharp line he had.

Eyes that were soft only for you.

“That’s why I won’t be able to leave, not until you’re gone.”

He studied you carefully. There were long minutes of silence as he studied you, trying to make sense of all the things that couldn’t make sense. “You’re here until I die. You’re so completely certain of that?”

“I am.” You nodded, dropping your head to his shoulder. He smelled crisp; the outside had already permeated its smell into his clothes. He felt like home. “I’ve spent hours thinking about it. What could possibly hold me here besides you?”

Dazai quietly traced each knob of your back with every ounce of his love. His touch was barely there, though you felt it all the same, like a spark of heat. “Does that upset you?”

“In a way. I just think you deserve more than a pitiful ghost of a wife. It’s not fair of me to hold onto you so tightly. You shouldn’t spend your life that way.” You sighed, trying to repress the aching hole in your chest. It grew each day, opening up into a sickening chasm. “Odasaku wouldn’t be happy with either of us, would he?”

“It doesn’t matter what he’d think,” Dazai said harshly, narrowing his eyes. “I lost him just as I lost you. I’m done listening to the words of the dead. He didn’t think I’d ever be happy, and he was wrong. You think I’ll be happier without you, and you’re wrong too.”

“You don’t know that—”

He was resolute, holding you with certainty. “I’ll live and die in this very home, and then, no matter what, we’ll be together.”

“You don’t mean that,” you said, staring at him blankly, only blinking when your lids ran dry.

“You can’t leave your life in my hands like that.”

“The minute you say the word, darling, the minute you can’t bear the horrible half-existence—” he pinched your chin between your fingers lightly, forcing you to stare to the very depths of his soul. To see that every word he spoke was with complete conviction. “I’ll be gone.”

He pressed a kiss to your lips harshly, insisting that he meant every word.

You fell apart silently in his arms, put back together by his soft touch. Dazai could be a hard man to love, but he loved you just as easily. Rarely did he utter the words, but he showed you more than enough.

To the bitter end, he would be by your side, even if he had to pull you out of hell himself.

It was an unfair request to ask of you, but you accepted it simply.

Dazai Osamu would meet his end at his own hands, that was a simple fact, just as the sun rose each morning.

Though the matter of when… that was entirely up to you.

#bsd dazai #dazai x y/n #dazai x fem reader #dazai x you #dazai imagines #bungou stray dogs #bsd x reader #bsd #osamu dazai #dazai #dazai osamu #dazai x reader #xoxo rylie 💌 ୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

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talliebernal · 9 months

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( khadijha red thunder / cis woman / she/her / heather ) did you just see TALLULAH BERNAL walking through the halls? they’re a TWENTY-FOUR year-old FOURTH YEAR MARKETING student from LONDON, ENGLAND. i’ve heard they have a tendency to be VAIN AND SELF-INDULGENT, but BOLD AND EASYGOING, too. rumour has it they’ve been a member of praeditus since their SECOND YEAR. well, anyway, you’ll know if you spot TALLIE again because they always seem to remind me of THE TAP OF ACRYLICS, LATE NIGHTS YOU MIGHT NOT REMEMBER, THE SOUND OF LAUGHTER IN A LIBRARY. just like the rest of us, they have something to hide.

stats:

- full name: tallulah “tallie” enola bernal

- nicknames: tallie (obvi, she almost exclusively goes by this), tal, t, tb (went by this as a tween bc she thought it was cool, did not know it was a disease)

- sexuality: bisexual, biromantic

- hometown: london, england

- birthday: june 4

- zodiac: gemini sun, aquarius moon, aries rising

- traits: bold, easygoing, kind-hearted, vain, self-indulgent, disorganized

background:

- born to an english ceo of a cosmetics company and an american father, tallie was raised primarily by her mother and a host of nannies, as her parents got divorced when she was very young

- an only child, tallie was raised around a few of her much older cousins and their friends

- growing up, tallie was pushed to be great and was enrolled in the best schools money could buy (she couldn’t have gotten in via her test scores, but mother’s money and influence spoke volumes)

- she ended up at meraviglia because her mother went there and she just so happened to overlap with professor dupont during her time there- this is how, tallie suspects, she got into praeditus

- she wasn’t sure about joining, but her mother encouraged her to accept and she did, telling professor dupont a secret only she and rosemary know- tallie isn’t ashamed of the secret, at all, but she assumes rosemary probably is

personality:

- she’s popular and well-liked at school, always throwing and/or attending parties, she’s the person you go to for fun

- she assumes much of what she has is because of who her mother is and she’s not angry about it as much as a little embarrassed because she assumes everyone Knows

- she’s good with people and has a big heart- she’s “people smart,” but not very book smart, something she’s incredibly insecure about at such a competitive institution

- she dates a lot and fucks a lot has no qualms about it

- she doesn’t have shame besides aside from the shame she feels of her mother’s looming shadow, the Nepo Baby of it all

- she’s a marketing major because she hopes to obtain some sort of position at her mother’s company someday, yet another thing she’ll likely get and not think she deserves

- she wasn’t particularly close to professor dupont, feeling as if she was only in praeditus as a favor to her mother

- a little self-destructive, sometimes it’s as if she’s testing the limits of her mother’s influence or simply convinced she ruins everything she touches

#praeditus.intro

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zackcrazyvalentine · 2 years

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(Info about my baby here I hope you'll have fun interacting with this wee little eldritch horror ❤ @afalsepotrayal)

"Oh, bonks? How strange... I've never heard of such gesture of affection..." They mutter to themselves, humming softly looking quite thoughtful before their attention flickers back to the girl before them.

"Or is it exclusive to world-dwellers such as you?" The student muses at her as they peer at thais with a curious look, their pink eyes blinking eerily slow---like an owl of sorts. At her response, Yuno laughs---and it sounds like the world spinning on and on, a very strange sound.

"Aren't you an adorable one?" They coo bopping the goat's nose softly the wind seemed to giggle at the perplexed emotion the said girl was showing and tilts their head forward for the girl to bonk as she had spoken of.

"Well are you going to keep me waiting? Or should I be the one to "bonk" you instead little apprentice?" They muse, patiently awaiting the girl's next move...

@delightofawitch

I am so sorry this took me a HUMONGOUS amount of time to answer D:

But better late than never. Your OC is a very interesting character!

iirc they had an aura and vibe around them that said "something's off about this person", hinted that they were an eldritch horror. I honestly liked it a lot how you described them

For now...

Let's get on with it!

-- --

Admittedly, Thais felt a chill run down her spine at the strange aura she felt around them. However, she knew better than to refuse a gentle proposal... and she did go prancing around offering bonks to some, too.

"Never judge a book by its cover!" She reminded herself. Being one of the common outcasts in places, she knew better than any to not judge before meeting someone.

"Bonks, headbutts rather, are a typical form of affection for those of us who have horns! At least from where I'm from. If that's what you were musing about." Thais answered their question.

World-dwelers What a strange term to use, but it made sense, no? They came from another world, so people from Wonderland could be called "world-dwelers".

The goat felt another chill at their laughter, but still, pushed away the feeling. "Keep calm, you don't know them much to form an opinion yet."

Thais scrunched up her nose to rub away the faint tickle their boop left on her. This made a small giggle leave her. "They seem nice enough, if a bit peculiar... kinda like an eel friend of mine."

"Oh, right! Bonk!" She was quick to lean towards them.

The girl softly let her forehead come in contact with theirs, nuzzling into them with care to not harm their skin with her bumpy horns. Honey eyes closed and a smile developed on her lips as she allowed her affection to flow through.

While still connected, Thais spoke, "Your eyes remind me of a friend, as did your laugh." Warm gold looked into pink, "Onaga Sei, a 2nd year from Octavinelle. He has pale pink eyes and an... uneven chuckle. I think you two could get along."

She leaned more of her weight on their touching foreheads to nuzzle closer. "If you ever wanna meet them, I'll be happy to present you!"

-- --

There we go~ Again, sincere apologies for how long I took

I'm unsure if you wanna see this still (or if you'll get the notif of the tag), but I still wanted to answer to this bc I liked the way you described your OC's actions and the way they speak

Thank you for your ask! Hope you like this little response!

#zask #oc talk #twst oc #thais adamante #others' ocs #yuno #twst yuno #i'm really interested on the eldritch horror aspect of your characters #i don't think i've seen it before #nice!!#also sorry if i'm tagging the wrong person #the @ in the ask leads me to that profile #tell me and i'll untag the handle in my answer dw!

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vaedar · 2 years

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𝐎𝐎𝐂; 𝐓𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐇𝐎𝐓𝐃 𝐄𝐩. 𝟕

So have a few things that have resurfaced thanks to that episode that I think are part of Vaedar’s world building, so I wanted to share.

First, that dragon riding scene was beautiful. I don’t know if it’s the muse fanboying over it or me, but I loved it. Vhagar kind of reminds me of a flying godzilla for some reason though. But yes, there were apparently some who were upset with how Aemond ‘took’ Vhagar or how Vhagar ‘betrayed’ Laena, and both things are essentially not true. Laena was dead, Vhagar chose Aemond, dragons can and have had more than one rider so once that rider is dead, the dragon can be claimed by anyone else they choose/allow. I loved how they managed to capture the effect of Vhagar’s size translate into the flying. Like when she takes off, you can see that massive weight in the ‘slowness’ of her powerful wings flapping, you just know she is heavy. It reminded me of watching an A380 from Qantas Airways take off, so that was impressive.

On that note, Vhagar by the Dance was said to be nearly as big as Balerion during the Conquest... So imagine how absolutely massive Balerion was by the time he died. Vhagar was 181 years old, Balerion was over 200 years old ( specifically, closer to 220 if we go with him being hatched in Valyria the same year Targaryens left for Dragonstone in 126 BC, which he might’ve been hatched a year or so before anyway, plus the year of his death in 94 AC ). Meraxes was even larger than Vhagar by the time of the Conquest so imagine how big she would��ve been too.

Now more on Valyria things... the wedding. Finally we have more on how this is. In Fire and Blood, we get the bit of how Visenya wed Maegor to Alys in a ceremony ‘by fire and blood’, in the valyrian fashion, but no details on just what that means are given. I did assume that this meant there was a symbolism in a wedding ceremony of fire and blood, that the bride and groom drank wine together since as the symbol of blood and that together they lit up a pyre while a priest spoke valyrian vows and invoked gods and fire. But now we see that it was in a literal sense that they ‘exchange blood’ pretty much, and it makes complete sense with valyrian customs. This is a civilization that valued the purity of blood, that sought to maintain the magic in it as powerful as possible, because their blood is what granted them that connection with dragons and fire. I also enjoy how they dress the same/very similarly, because this can translate into the man and wife being the same, in equal standing, unlike a wedding of the Faith of the Seven where the bride is ‘passed into the protection of her husband’ when she wears the cloak of the man’s house. Which seems an awful lot like the woman passing over as a possession from her father’s house to her husband’s. So it’s yet another detail that has us think Valyria was a civilization that believed more in the equality of men and women.

And lastly, the tension. The lines are divided more ad more clearly bit by bit and we are getting that foreshadowing of how events will be, which is one of GRRM’s signature styles. This had me remember how similar the Targaryen ‘Dance of the Dragons’ civil war was to the struggle for power that happened in Valyria. The Dance is all about the blacks and greens, two Targaryen successors seeking to come on top one another and claim the Iron Throne, dividing the realms in forcing the houses to take sides. Death followed, by dragon battles and assassinations alike, deception and treasons, etc.. This was the beginning of the end for the Targaryens ( as a dynasty, but also almost as a bloodline ). In time, all dragons died and no more hatched; what made the Targaryens ‘different’ and stronger was no more. This is an echo of how Valyria’s own Doom began. Valyria, where two dragonlord families were in a constant ‘dance’ of struggle for power, rising and falling and rising again, with deception, treasonous schemes and assassinations, likely also dragon vs dragon battles. It’s very likely that the dragonlord families were also forced to choose sides, which is why the Targaryens were deemed as cowards when they simply left. The most powerful civilization in the world destroyed itself, just as the Targaryens eventually did; they survived the Doom only to follow in the ways that led their ancestral home down a path of self-destruction. This is also a very GRRM style right there.

From the beginning in the show, on episode one, we get Rhaenyra’s recount which closes with “The only thing that could tear down the House of the Dragon, was itself.” We get from the start the setting on what the show is about. So I find it pretty interesting and telling that we are given all these details and background info on Valyria throughout the episodes. Even the intro is Valyria and its ‘blood tracing’. I’ve no doubt that blood ( the power, the purity of it ) had a lot to do in that conflict for power in the Valyrian Freehold as well. Although we don’t know for sure how the Doom happened ( what specifically triggered the Fourteen Flames to erupt ) the outcome is ultimately ( through the years, for the Targaryens ) the same as the Dance: the death of dragons, the loss of their power. And in the background of both things, we have the element of prophecy.

But yes, I think that is enough of the thoughts for now. I am liking the show but I admit the one main reason why I watch is for all the Valyria tidbits that help develop ( and confirm ) more of the headcanons.

#yes i had to get this out cuz i HAVE TOO MANY THOUGHTS OK #i was talking to the rp wife/bff on discord about this last night so i thought 'should post about this'#so yes i did... instead of you know RPING but yeah idk how i even make time to write this right now #tati ooc #should i tag this as headcanons.... why not so it easier to find #vae headcanons #[ D R A G O N L O R D ] Vaedar #[ L E N T O N ] Valyria

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hushpuppypal · 1 year

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a means to stop myself from texting you

feb 9th, 2023 (22:52 pst): [a meme that reads "we lost america around the time people quit smoking marlboro reds and started smoking strawberry cheesecake"]

feb 13th, 2023 (16:27 cst): so i was scrolling through my bumble matches and i noticed you deleted your profile? i know the last time we spoke you said you had a lot going on and need to focus on yourself. really hope you're doing okay.

feb 15th, 2023 (19:42 pst): i had grape soju today (the one you said was your favorite) and thought about the last time we hung out. it tasted like you.

feb 18th, 2023 (01:11 cst): remember when i got my car towed before i went to see you the first time? i just got around to paying the citation. i still laugh at that, like i genuinely think it's so funny that i got towed before we hung out. i didn't know there was a snow emergency! i literally flew in that morning. but i was so nervous coming to see you. this didn't even happen that long ago and the fact we don't talk anymore hurts a little. but i also just paid for the citation so my wallet hurts a little, too.

feb 20th, 2023 (16:53 cst): even things as little as going to trader joe's reminds me of you... when it shouldn't? you told me you hated going to trader joe's because of how chaotic and confusing the experience is. normally i'd disagree with you but today they had all my favorite things out of stock and a lot of shelves were empty. pretty sure it's bc of all the snow that's gonna happen in the next few days. i did manage to pick up the boba in the frozen section, the only thing you said you liked from there. i haven't tried it yet, but you know how much of a boba snob i am.

feb 20th, 2023 (21:34 cst): do you think about me at all? i said something awful today about you and said "i can't wait until he sends me a 'hey' message in the middle of the night a few weeks from now" when in reality i'd probably be the one to crack first. after getting to know you, you never struck me as the type to do fuckboy activities. i mean, instead of ghosting me you said we couldn't hang out anymore. i don't know what i would've liked better if i'm being honest.

feb 22, 2023 (22:30 cst): are you staying warm during this storm?

feb 23, 2023 (15:46 cst): i hope you don't have to go to work today. they haven't plowed my block completely and there's another snow emergency. let's hope i don't get towed this time, yeah? lol

feb 24th, 2023 (02:13 cst): people keep coming out of the woodwork and they're trying to talk to me but none of them are you. is it pathetic that you live rent-free in my head?

#why am i making my sadness poetic broooo #this is only gonna expand bc i can't stop thinking abt him #like how tf i let a man w three first names hurt me #personal

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smoochkooks · 2 years

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Hi Julia! Whew first of all I apologize for making this soo long omg but anyways I just wanted to say that my heart has truly been going through it ever since I discovered your amazing series!! 🥹 An Ode To A Broken Heart is so beautifully written that it exceptionally illustrates the pain and suffering one must go through when experiencing a one sided love which also means jeopardizing your own happiness for that person. This story hits close to home for I have also experienced a one sided love, he was someone I thought I could share a future with but things didn’t work out because we were in the “wrong time but right place “ type of situation and eventually we drifted apart. Later on I found out that he was seeing someone else… ouch. Words cannot begin to describe how hard it was to move on from him so I can see myself in OC during moments where she is infatuated with Jungkook and yearns to feel what loving him would feel like. Carrying that burden and the ache in your heart while the love of your life is with someone who’s not you is downright devastating. Let me tell you it feels like the stars in the galaxy has stopped shining bc the only one who ever lit them is not there anymore. It feels like a constant punch to the chest because your heart is constricting and the wetness in your eyes that are streaming halfway down your face have yet to stop. It feels like there will never be another day of beautiful sunlight for now only wilted flowers and dark gloomy skies paint the next months that go by. It was so hard to start over and get back up on my feet again. I couldn’t leave my house in weeks, the constant urge to sob all the time became utterly unhealthy for me physically and mentally. Not to mention that every little thing reminded me of him. Wether it was at our favorite ice cream shop we’d always go to, or passing by and seeing his favorite place to shop at bc he was such a shoe fanatic. Or at the park at “our bench” as we’d name it, where he would tell me his little stories as he rambled on about psychology and literally the most weirdest things ever but I was so blind I didn’t mind bc who am I kidding? As cheesy and corny as it was I’d listen to him for hours just to see that goofy grin on his lips or his face light up when he spoke about the things he was fascinated in. So when you’ve loved someone so hard it comes back and hits you like a storm and then you crumble (at least in my experience). It’s as if the world is mocking you for believing that there could’ve been something between you both when in reality his heart was somewhere else, but anyways thank you for making this series even if it’s no good for my already fragile heart I’ve loved every moment of soaking in the events that took place in each chapter. I get so distracted by the way you write sometimes for it also entrances me, how someone can write love that’s angsty but so good all at once is beyond my imagination. So I come back every once in awhile bc I can’t get enough of it!! And btw, I think your writing is absolutely wonderful! Fluent or not, your story was able to touch and connect with other readers. You may not see this story in the way we do sometimes, but the fact that you can affect us with your words alone speaks volumes so if anyone hasn’t said it yet, I’m SO proud of you. Take your time and I wish nothing but better and happier days for you. Sending all my love and support your way <33

babe you made me tear up a bit with your own unrequited love story🥺 sending you lots of love!! thank you<3

#ask #an ode to a broken heart

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kae-karo · 3 years

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thomato/tomokazu brainrot

i'm living in the 'ayato is tomo' world where ayato ran from home due to the vision hunt decree and thoma/ayaka knew about him disappearing, tried to keep it under wraps, etc

thoma always loved ayato and hated when he started talking abt leaving, bc it went from 'vision hunt decree bad' to 'i literally can't do anything and i can't live like this' and he left thoma and thoma felt betrayed

ayato (changed his name to tomo) met kazuha, they traveled together for a while. tomokazu brainrot ensues. but then tomo got fed up with the vision hunt decree (kept him up at night that it was still going on) and finally went to challenge baal. didn't die, bc she recognized him, as did sara, but he almost did. kazuha took his vision, which seemed to die out bc he ran away with it.

but ayato recovered (as ayato) and forgot his ambitions and his hurt about the decree, which thoma is conflicted over - on the one hand, he has his ayato back. on the other, both he and ayaka know what happened, and ayato is still...different. he looks to thoma for comfort, but mumbles a name - something like 'kazuha' - in his sleep. when he sleeps, which isn't often enough for thoma's concerns.

one day, thoma finds ayato sitting in front of a mirror with his hair tied up in a high ponytail, just staring at his reflection. frowning. he notices thoma, tries to smile but it doesn't quite meet his eyes. 'just messing around', he says with a forced laugh, and thoma's stomach turns. that's how he'd turned up to fight baal, with his hair like that. that's how thoma almost lost him, permanently. he laughs louder, comes to ayato's side and pulls the ribbon from his hair. lets it fall, then ties it like his own, and it falls in an elegant wave down his back. this is his ayato, thoma reminds himself, but it isn't.

after a while, he asks. do you remember where you were? ayato doesn't. lots of shrugs, but his gaze goes distant, and he excuses himself from thoma's presence. thoma doesn't follow him, not at first, but when he finally does, he finds ayato sitting beneath a tree, some stray cat he's coaxed onto the estate grounds curled up in his lap. his hair tied up high on his head. this long, it looks more like ayaka's, but he'd cut it shorter when he left. this long, it looks like he could be ayato again, but thoma knows that he isn't.

he looks for kazuha afterward, but finds little. not a family name, and for all he knows, a fake, but he doesn't give up. can't, when ayato asks him to help cut his hair - he's started wearing it up, though he jokes that he can't look just like ayaka or nobody will ever be able to tell them apart, so won't you help me, thoma? and thoma does, of course. he could never quite say no to ayato. has loved him for far too long to-

to want him to stay where he's unhappy, in a life and a time and a stasis and an eternity that he'd tried to escape. thoma understands it better, now, even if it hurts. when he sees kazuha, hears his name from gorou for the first time, thoma nearly breaks down. hand over his mouth, trying to hold back tears, he stalks over to kazuha. no recognition flashes in his eyes, though, and he wonders - hates that he wonders, but does all the same - if ayato ever spoke of him. if he ever missed thoma enough to mention him to someone else so obviously precious to him.

ayato, he says when he manages to lower his hand, and kazuha stares. blinks. then recognition dawns, bright and hot, and his eyes go wide with the sharp breath he inhales. tears spring to his eyes then, too, and thoma doesn't know how to handle that. but they stand in the middle of the resistance camp and thoma's two seconds from losing his composure as well, so he tips his head toward the trees and kazuha follows

it's painful, telling him. harder than he thought it'd be, but thoma understands that pain all the same - he's felt it, too. kazuha takes it all in silence, tears gleaming but yet unfallen, and thoma doesn't know what to say when he asks if ayato remembers him. how to say yes, he does and he doesn't, he calls your name in his sleep and doesn't remember it in the morning. how to tell him who thoma wants ayato to be, who he was before, and not who he was with kazuha. thoma isn't a bad person, but he feels insanely selfish right now, as though he's waving his ayato in kazuha's face.

kazuha kept his vision, though. kept it, hoped without hoping, and thoma's stomach twists. guilt, guilt more than anything - he doesn't want to lose ayato again. how can he lose ayato again, how can he give his ayato away? will returning the vision restore his memories, too? kazuha asks, and thoma wants to say it won't. he wants to protect ayato and protect himself, because what if ayato does remember? what if he loves kazuha more than he ever loved thoma? he certainly can't have loved thoma more, or he'd have returned, right?

but thoma isn't even certain this is his ayato. he is, sometimes, and thoma wants that, but...but it hurts, to see the distance in ayato's stare, the sleepless nights where he wanders in the forest, where thoma follows him from afar. where he does nothing but walk though the evening, until he turns around and thoma rushes back so that he can pretend he hadn't been watching out for ayato. even though ayato's skill with a blade has only improved, though he can't remember how or why. it takes only one minute of watching kazuha spar with another resistance member for thoma to determine who he'd learned from.

there is a pain in letting go. there is a pain in holding on. and thoma can't do either one - he loves ayato too deeply to be selfish.

i don't know if he'll remember, but we should find out, shouldn't we?

it's easier than he expected, traveling with another wanted individual, and kazuha knows too well the burdens of keeping himself hidden. thoma understands a part of it, too, but kazuha is nothing short of incredible at it. it's no wonder ayato stuck around, you're a natural at this, he'd said, on a better day, when the sun shone and kazuha had kept them deftly clear of any shogunate army patrols. the wrong words, he'd realized a little too late. kazuha only nodded, a sharp thing for his typically gentle demeanor, and thoma did not know what to do with that. couldn't get more than a few words out of him the rest of the day.

he loved you too, thoma thinks in kazuha's direction. he doesn't know how to say it, though, because it isn't his place to say. but if not his, then whose? ayato doesn't remember. and it hurts, to see kazuha hurt in the same way that thoma did. he's certainly not a weak spirit, thoma's come to find, but he is a gentle one. kind and a bit mischievous when he wants to be, and thoma can see it, why ayato would fall for him. two of a kind in such different ways. had ayato found comfort with kazuha? adventure? something else, something he'd been searching for when he left? maybe thoma will never know. maybe the only one left to remember is kazuha.

what was he like? thoma asks one night around a dim fire, stirred to life on occasion by either he or kazuha. kazuha's gaze flicks up, and thoma does not need to clarify his question. excited. every little thing brought him such excitement. a thunderstorm, a clear day, a full moon. a small smile tugs at kazuha's lips, the first thoma has seen in days. it calms something within him - i will keep him safe, i will keep his heart safe for you, ayato. kazuha tells him of ayato- of tomo, the name he went by until his last day, until he left kazuha and went to face the raiden shogun herself. and thoma listens, and aches, and loves ever more fiercely. ayato was ayato, the pieces that kazuha saw are the pieces that thoma saw, if from a different angle. you are pretty short after all, thoma says with a grin, and kazuha blinks at him. there's a rush of wind, suddenly, and kazuha's hovering aloft several feet in the air, and thoma laughs louder than he has in well over a year. and kazuha floats down again, rests a little closer to thoma this time.

what was ayato like? kazuha asks in turn, and thoma knows that he does not refer to the time since he's returned. that is for...for later. a rascal, actually, i bet you two got along far too well, he says, and kazuha laughs then, and his head falls on thoma's shoulder, and it's late and dark and warm and thoma talks for as long as he can, every story he'd clung desperately to when ayato left him, and he shares them all with kazuha, who loved him too.

when they return, ayato waits for them at the teahouse. hold onto his vision, let me go in first? thoma asks, and kazuha nods. he wonders if kazuha wishes to put this off, too. how does it feel to have your heart ripped out, returned bloody and tattered, only to feel it torn from you again?

thoma, where have you been? he's crushed in a hug before he knows what to do, what to say, and tears prick his eyes. you had me worried sick! ayato pulls back, and thoma stares at him. sees him in a way he hasn't before - not his ayato. not the ghost of tomo. the two as one. he drags ayato back into a hug. i brought someone here to meet you, he says into ayato's ear, and when he turns, kazuha stands in the doorway. frozen, terrified. he must look to kazuha as he did before, if a bit more polished, and thoma wishes he could hear kazuha's thoughts.

he gets ayato's instead. who are you? not unkind, but curious. why...why am i crying? a laugh from ayato's lips, one that kazuha echoes before he clamps a hand over his mouth. the other holds his vision, ayato's vision, perhaps even his memories.

my name is kaedehara kazuha, i traveled with you for a time while you were running from the vision hunt decree. i knew you as tomo. the name carries such reverence, such love, and thoma turns back to find ayato's eyes wide. tears, as he said, leak from the corners, and thoma wonders again - did you love him more? do you still? how does it feel to lose one's heart?

kazuha... so quietly spoken. does he remember? it's hard to tell, with how he clings still to thoma. it's hard to hope, but he hopes all the same - he loves you, do you remember?

#tomokazu #thomato #genshin #genshin impact #i have no basis for this so don't take it as anything other than a hc #kazuha #thoma #ayato

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cr0wbonezz-wr1ting-inc · 3 years

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Are you bored yet?

This is for @sleepysoupi 's 1.8k writing event! Congrats bubs <3 /p

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Summary: Your fiance's love you. You know that, right? (Karlnapity x male reader)

Trigger warning: Insecurities about a relationship, past abusive relationship, hurt/comfort

Author's note: this is kinda a self-insert bc i love these boys and i cant find a lot of male reader fics :] <3 hope u like it

What's wrong?

You've been asking but I don't have an answer

How come?

It was late. it had to be at least 1 am. you loved being up late when they were around. the living room was comforting, with a couch where you layed. you rested in one of your fiance's arms, his hands slightly blackened from the soot he creates when he touches wooden things. it's expected, though. his father found him in the nether, after all. you other two partners were sitting on the floor, in front of the fireplace. the winged hybrid had his wings curled around the timetraveller. they looked so peaceful.

you were just a human. just a man.

your past relationship was with a hybrid as well. one that lived far away from the people you know now. he had wings. ones that resembled an insect. he was strong. really strong. he could carry you with just one arm. and he did. he once threw you on the floor, though. he said it was an accident, but you could see a smirk appear on his face as he turned his back on you. he knew you were just a human. he reminded you of it constantly. verbally and physically.

as you were lost in thought you didn't notice your fiance putting his head next to your ear.

"what's wrong, baby?"

I'm still thinking, let's pretend to fall asleep now

When we get old, will we regret this?

"oh, it's nothing. i'm just tired." you say with a weak smile as you snuggle further into his embrace. you close you eyes slowly and inhale the scent of your fiance. smoke. the good kind, though. the kind you think of when sitting around a campfire with your loved ones. it's a comfortable scent.

"okay, but please tell me if something is up. got it?" he says with a low volume. you open your eyes and look up at him. what would happen if you just tell him? they'd understand. alex came from an abusive relationship, they help him all the time. will you regret not saying anything? they know about your past, but you've told them it doesn't bother you that much. should you bother them with something like this?

Too young to think about all that shit

And stallin' only goes so far when you've got a head start

"i will, don't worry." you turn your body. your chest is pressed against his.

this feels off. this reminds you of him. your past lover- no. your past partner. there was no love. there never was. this position was the same that he always wanted. your thoughts consume your mind and you let out a small whine as a response.

"baby, something's up. what is it?" the two in front of the fire turn their heads in concern.

'Cause we could stay at home and watch the sunset

But I can't help from asking, "Are you bored yet?"

"i'm sorry." you let your face rest on sapnap's chest. "i'm just not having a good day..." karl stands up from his small part of the floor and walks over to you and sapnap. "what happened, then?" he asks. he puts his hand on the back of your head and slowly massage you scalp. you turn your head towards him.

"are you bored yet?"

And if you're feeling lonely you should tell me

Before this ends up as another memory

none of your partners expected that response. "what do you mean?" sapnap questioned. you heard another set of footsteps approach you. alex put his head on karl's shoulder. "you can tell us, we love you." the timetraveller spoke.

Will you tell the truth so I don't have to lie?

you sigh softly. why does god feel the need to put you in these situations?

"i've just been... thinking... about..." you slowly say to the three men around you. "there's no need to be scared, you can tell us." karl affirmed. he gave you a sympathetic smile.

"...my last partner." you almost whispered out.

Feels like I've known you my whole life

I can see right through your lies

"i knew something was up!" sapnap exclaimed. you looked over to alex. his face that was once filled with empathy, was turned into anger. "i'm gonna kill that prick if i ever see him." he muttered. "please don't..! i don't want you to get hurt." you pleaded. alex scoffed. "fine... i guess i won't, then." you smile.

I don't know where we're going

But I'd like to be by your side

sapnap props him self up with his elbows. you sat up as well, your legs crossed. this gave karl the perfect opportunity to wrap his arms around you. you sat there for a few seconds, unsure how to feel. you felt your eyes getting watery as you grab the back side of his hoodie. you bury you face into his neck.

sapnap followed up by embracing both you and karl. "we'll protect you baby. you don't ever have to worry about him anymore. you'll always be our ___." he comforted. "we'll always be by your side." alex chimed in. he crawled on the couch and kissed your neck. "we love you, pretty boy." you loved that nickname.

If you could tell me how you're feeling

Maybe we'd get through this undefeated

Holding on for so long

you slowly let go of karl's sweater. you pull back from the hug and use you sleeve to rub your eyes. "thank you." "anything for you bubs!" karl giggled.

suddenly your body gets pulled to the side. you yelp as you feel your fiance hug you tightly. he kisses the top of your head and nuzzles his face into the crown of your hair. you giggle and look up at him. he pets your hair and gives you one more kiss on your forehead. "we'll always be by your side. you'll get through this, i promise you." he smiled.

sapnap and karl look at you two. "dorks." karl says jokingly. "our dorks." sapnap argued. karl climbed on the couch and settled into sapnap's arms. "i love all of you." you say drowsily. "we love you too, pretty boy." alex answered for the three of them. you slowly drift to sleep in the arms of one of your lovers. alex wrapped his wings around you protectively and fell asleep as well.

"should we join them in 'the land of dreams'" sapnap joked. "yeah, good idea. i'm pretty-" karl yawned as he was saying his sentence. "you are pretty." sapnap flirted. "shut up!" karl laughed.

"i love you." "love you, too."

and with that, all four of you were asleep. all peacefully resting with the lovers of your lives.

you woudn't trade this feeling for anything in the world.

m.list

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mokuhchi-manuscripts · 3 years

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Spring troupe (separately) finding notes in their pockets from their s/o reminding them to take care of themselves and that they love them?

A/N: I wrote this as if it was an event that happened regularly! Hope that’s what you meant :) Also I loved writing this so much! This request was so cute, thank you so much anon ;^; Also Masumi has abandonment issues bc I said so and it makes a lot of sense with his character. And apologies Citron’s is the shortest, I’m still working on figuring out his character tbh

CW(s): slight mention of abandonment issues for Masumi

❀ Sakuya Sakuma

He’d be beyond himself when he found the first one

He blushes really hard whenever he reads them you’ve almost pavloved him into blushing every time he feels a piece of paper in his pocket

After a couple times of finding a note, he’ll definitely look forward to days where he finds them

He doesn’t do anything like run to his hoodie and check all his clothes everyday but when he happens to find one it always brings a smile to his face

He’d definitely text you to say thank you and respond with his own small message

He especially needs the reminders to take care of himself during spring though, as theatre takes up so much of his mind and he can get easily preoccupied

Sakuya sat outside in the courtyard, reviewing his script for the nth time. A cool breeze passed through and tousled his hair. He placed a hand in his hoodie pocket, not wanting to get cold; as soon as he reached in he felt a scrap of paper scrape against his hand. Sakuya immediately began to blush and quickly pulled out the paper.

"Reminder to eat today! Hope you have a great day and good luck with rehearsals <3"

He couldn’t help but let a giant grin spread across his face. Then the realization that he hadn’t eaten yet hit him. Omi had just been out not too long ago, or so he thought, to remind him dinner was ready. Sakuya had responded that he’d be there momentarily, but got distracted by the new script.

He quickly got up and began to make his way to the kitchen and dining room. There at the table he saw a handful of the Mankai Company members, including Omi.

“There you are! I was about to go remind you again dinner was ready.”

“Sorry, I got distracted. What did you cook today?”

Omi shook his head. “I didn’t. Izumi did.” Sakuya nodded in acknowledgement, knowing exactly what that meant,

“It’s alright. Now sit down and eat!” Sakuya grabbed a plate and served himself some curry and found a place at an empty seat. He pulled the note out from his pocket again, reading and rereading it again and again just like he did with every note.

After he ate dinner he made sure to text you a thank you.

❀ Tsuzuru Minagi

The first time he found a note he was shocked; he didn’t really have enough time to process it as he was on his way to one of his part-time jobs but during his shift he continued to fumble as he couldn’t get it off his mind

Tsuzuru reached into his pocket for a pen, fingers crossed he didn’t forget one to his server job. He quickly found the writing utensil, but next to it he could feel a scrap of paper. He figured it must have been a reminder he wrote for himself that he forgot about. He pulled the small piece out of his pocket and froze in his tracks once he read it. It wasn’t a note he had written for himself, instead it was a note you had written for him.

"Remember that I care about you and don't forget to take care of yourself today!"

He could barely register the words as he read them, but the immediate emotion he felt was absolute love for you.

He most likely finds any note on his way to a college class or while working one of his part-time jobs

If he finds one while he’s with a member of the Mankai company he probably won’t read it as he prefers to read them when he’s alone since they’re personal and special to him

He tries to keep them but sometimes he just gets disorganized so he may accidentally throw them away; he still has at least half though

He tries his best to follow the notes when they’re reminders (e.g. eating when you remind him to eat) as he doesn’t want to somehow accidentally disappoint you

He definitely needs the reminders when he’s writing scripts as he will not step away from his computer once it comes time for another play; if you leave him a note to eat or drink water there’s a higher chance he’ll at least eat something small or take some sips of water

Since he’s someone who tends to look out for other people, knowing someone is looking after him just makes him incredibly happy

❀ Masumi Usui

He froze as soon as he opened the first note he received as he could barely think; his thoughts were too full of his love for you and he didn’t want it any other way

He probably immediately texted you as soon as he reads it to tell you he loves you and has continued to text you a thank you or ‘ily’ every time he gets a note and decides to check on you in the same message

He loves checking his jackets after he sees you to see if you’ve left a note; and once Tsuzuru told you he checks you started leaving them after every time you went over

He keeps all the notes in a jar on his desk; just seeing them all collected in one place brings a smile to his face

Whenever he feels lonely, or his abandonment issues act up, he brings the jar up to his bed and reads them one by one

Masumi sat in his desk chair, exasperated. He had messaged you a couple times throughout the day and you hadn’t responded despite looking at his messages and he was growing concerned. His mind was beginning to race and he began to assume and fear the worst. Then the jar on his desk caught his eye. He carefully grabbed it, tucked it under one arm, and climbed up to his bed. There he unscrewed the lid and one by one pulled out and read each and every note he had ever gotten from you.

“Reminder that I love you!’

“Remember to eat and drink water <3”

“(ღ˘⌣˘)♥ love you!”

“This song made me think of my feelings for you- Stupid for You by Waterparks <3”

“Good luck with rehearsal today! (ɔˆ ³(ˆ⌣ˆc)"

Tears began to well in his eyes and he made sure to wipe them away with the back of his hand, lest he ruin one of the precious notes with his tears. Never had he felt so loved before you, and he mentally noted to tell you how much he appreciated you the next time he saw you.

After having dealt with his parents not being there and growing up with no friends, he values you and your reminders an immense amount

He may try to leave you notes as well, but he’d much rather express his love for you in person

❀ Itaru Chigasaki

The first time he found one of your notes, he was overwhelmed with love for you; he could practically see the ‘+10’ affection points above his head as he read it

Itaru probably finds the notes once he’s at work if you put them in his jacket

His morning is much too hectic to be able to read it while at the dorms, so he tends to read it every time he drains his LP (yes, every time; your notes brighten his day)

Itaru stepped away from his desk. He had been watching the clock as his lunch hour ticked closer and closer, and once the time was reached, he made his way out of the office. Once he got to his car and began to drain his LP, he reached into his pocket to pull out the note you had left in his pocket that morning.

"Don’t forget to refill your stats! Remember to eat something and drink water, and keep in mind that ily <3"

He couldn't help but smile at the note, unlocking his phone to both drain his LP and to message you a quick thank you in response to your nerdy reminder.

If you use gamer lingo or nerdy references in the notes he will be positively enamored

He tends to just put them somewhere in a designated desk drawer, sometimes taping his favorites down to the top of the desk to make sure they don’t get lost and to see them while he games

If he’s streaming and he sees one of the notes on his desk out of the corner of his eye, he always ends up smiling and tends to have a habit of taking a drink of water when he sees one

If you leave a note in his gaming sweatshirt, it may take a bit for him to find it but when he does he’s very grateful -even though he has a smaller chance of actually listening to it-

At times when he’s very preoccupied, he may forget that you leave him notes at all so it’s like a new surprise all over again

❀ Citron

He was incredibly happy when he received his first note from you

After the first note he received, he began leaving notes for you as well

Sometimes the notes can be hard to decipher due to him forgetting and switching up words but it’s the thought that counts

You had left a note on Citron’s desk the night before, and when you arrived at the dorm the next day he thanked you for it and gave you a tight hug. While you were there he was telling stories of his home country. He spoke of the food, the towns, and his pet Juliano.

Eventually it began to get dark and you had to bid your boyfriend a farewell. He gave you a kiss on your cheek as you departed, and offered a smile and wave as you exited out the door.

Once outside the bitter winds nipped at your skin, so you placed your hands in your pockets in an attempt to keep them warm. But once you did so, you could feel a scrap of paper scratch against your fingertips. You quickly pulled it out, wondering what it could be. You unfolded it and there in familiar handwriting you found the following note:

"Remember that I am loving you always! Have a safe trip home and do not forget to crink water!!"

You could assume he meant ‘drink’ instead of ‘crink’. His struggle with language definitely found its way into the notes he gave you, but if anything it made him that much more endearing. On your way home, you made sure to buy a bottle of water.

His notes may sometimes come off as nonsensical due to his issues with language

If you really need help translating it, just ask another troupe member and they should be able to help

He doesn’t check his pockets for notes since he loves the surprise of finding them

❀ Utsuki Chikage

The first time he found a note in his pocket he felt so happy and appreciated it more than anything, although you wouldn’t have been able to tell if you were there due to his amazing poker face

Chikage has guilt and baggage and the fact that you stay with him amazes him, but he’s so grateful

After reading them he does throw the notes away, not because he doesn’t like them, but because they feel so special to him he doesn’t want anyone else to have the opportunity to read the words you wrote especially for him

Because of this, he does his best to memorize them

It was originally difficult to know if he was even finding the notes since he’d never let you know or anything of that such

You had been leaving notes in your boyfriend’s pockets for months now. They were simple notes, things such as, ‘Don’t forget to eat today!’ or ‘Remember I care about you and like you no matter your past’. It shouldn't have made you so nervous that you couldn’t tell if Chikage had actually found them, or if he found them annoying, but knots of anxiety were developing in your stomach. So you decided to call him.

He picked up on the fourth ring, “Chikage Utsuki speaking.”

“Hey, Chikage.”

“Oh, hello. To what may I offer the pleasure of this call?”

“Um,” you paused, collecting your thoughts, “so, I’ve been leaving these little..notes? In your pockets? And I was just curious if you had gotten them or if you found them annoying because if you do I can stop-” a laugh on the other side cut you off. “What? What’s so funny?”

Chikage continued to chuckle, “No, I’ve found them.” He lowered his voice to a whisper, like he didn’t want anyone else but you to hear, “I really appreciate them. Thank you.”

“Oh! Well I’m glad.” you were almost positive Chikage could hear your smile through the phone.

“Was that all?”

“Yeah, sorry. I’ll see you later. Bye!”

“Goodbye.” the click of the end call button rang in your ears, but you couldn’t help but continue to smile.

After a while, it’s easier to tell when he has recently read a note as he may come off as somewhat more affectionate but whether he does it on purpose or not you can’t completely tell

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dokoni-mo · 3 years

Text

Nights Like These || All for One x F!Reader

Summary: You were his favorite.

SFW // not fluff but not angst

Word Count: 2802

WARNINGS: obsessive behavior, toxic behavior/mindsets, manipulation, possessive behavior, all for one is evil as usual, fear tactics, some sensual touching, kisses, mentions of death if you squint, swearing, age gap relationship of you squint, but reader is depicted to be in their late 20s, also the fact I also didn't proofread this one lmao (pls forgive me I was working on this at like 3 am).

A/N: This takes place before AFO became the potato man. This is my take on how he would be like in a "relationship". If you want some PRIME AFO content, however, AND ARE THE AGE OF 18 OR OVER, go check out @nonobadcat 's story A Hypnotic Nightmare. It's one of my favs atm (also, badcat, if you're reading this, i haven't forgotten about the fanart! i've just had a lot on my plate bc of the end of school. im terribly sorry if it seemed like i left you hanging).

You hated armored black vans.

Ever since meeting him you knew exactly what they meant.

They would come to you when you least expected it, and often when you really didn't want them to. You could be anywhere in the world, and one would always find a way to roll up next to you. If you tried to outwalk them, they would just drive faster. If you pretended to ignore them, they would cut you off in your tracks.

Persistent little shits.

Just like him.

This time, it was late into the night when one rolled up next to you. You hadn't seen one in some days beforehand, and was relishing in that fact when the dread-vehicle rumbled up next to you. You had just gotten done doing some late-night grocery shopping for yourself, looking decent but in no way perfect. Sighing through your nose, you gave the tinted windows of the van the glare of your life, trying in vain attempt to get it to just piss off.

Even though that tactic never worked before, it would never stop you from trying.

The van pulled up to the curb next to you and slowed to a stop. Seeing as there was no way you could run or try to ignore it now, you stopped in your tracks, clenching your plastic grocery bags tighter. A moment later, the van rolled it's driver's side window down, revealing the driver to you. You didn't recognize this one; it wasn't one in his normal rotation.

You wondered if he killed one of the other ones, and this one was the replacement.

Looking into the eyes of the driver, you shot him another glare, your face morphing into a frown. This didn't seem to phase the man, however, since he just stared back at you with a blank expression.

You knew you weren't that threatening, but, come on. At least show something.

"What is it?" you questioned the man, your voice firm and serious. Although you already knew the answer to that, you prayed to whoever was listening that it would be a different answer this time.

"He wants to see you."

No dice.

You let out another sigh through your nose, this time more frustrated and annoyed than the last one.

"I just saw him the other day," you tried to bargain, "and I have ice cream in here. Can it wait until tomorrow?"

The driver shook his head, "Sorry, miss. He wants you now."

Your face assumed a deeper frown. It wasn't often that these drivers made it known to you how persistent he was being in seeing you. This made a lump form in the bottom of your stomach. What did he want this time? Another date? Quality time? Or just to remind you of who you belonged to?

You hoped it was one of the former two.

Looking from side to side nervously, you swallowed the lump in your throat before speaking again, "Can I at least put my groceries in my apartment first?"

The driver shook his head, "We can get someone to do it for you, miss. But we need to leave. Now."

Damn, this driver really meant business.

Finally admitting defeat, you slowly took a few steps towards the van, watching as the large, jet-black doors rolled itself open for you. Leaning down, you set your bags on the clean, vacuumed floor of the van, ducking down and pushing yourself inside next. The driver watched you in the rear-view mirror, making sure that you sat down and buckled your seatbelt. Once you were safe in the backseat, he shut the door to the van and pulled out into the street again, driving noticeably careful.

A soft sense of dread washing over you, you leaned up against the van door and planted your elbow on the armrest, resting your chin in your palm. Not feeling up for friendly chat with the man driving you, you fixated your gaze out the window, watching as the neon lights of Japan rushed by you.

You wondered which location you would be at today.

He seemed to have spots everywhere across the world.

You hoped it was the Tokyo one. That one had your favorite food and view.

Hugging yourself closer to the door, you tried to ignore the dread winding up in your stomach. You tried your best to just focus on how pretty the lights looked at night, but couldn't help but have your mind linger back to the racing thoughts that plagued your head.

You wished your friend had never introduced you to his stupid fucking cult. He would deny over and over that it was a cult, but it was a cult. You had been quirkless for so long, and content being so all your life. But, when your friend told you about the man she met that could give you your very own quirk, you would be lying if you said you weren't intrigued.

Biggest mistake of your entire fucking life.

Alas to you, the driver didn't take you to the Tokyo location. It ended up being the Osaka location. You felt rather disappointed by this.

The driver was at least nice enough to help you out of the car and escort you into the hands of your body guards for the night. The guards quickly surrounded you, almost suffocating you by how close they were. After relaying the message that you had arrived, the guards practically drug you into the tall, looming building.

You wondered when the next time you could go outside would be.

Going through the doors, you were greeted with the familiar sight of clean, shiny marble floors, your feet clacking against them as they always did. Everything about the building was ornate but simple, reminding you of some fancy hotel.

It was so fucking obnoxious.

Only one dude and occasionally yourself lived here. And not even full time.

It make you frown.

Eventually, the guards and yourself made your way to the elevators. When one eventually came down (it didn't take long because you were most likely some of the only people in the building), all of you packed in the elevator like a fucking clown car. You were shoulder-to-shoulder with the much taller guards, suffocating on their cologne.

The dead silence in the elevator made you wanna puke.

The guards left you once you were at the door.

You were now all alone in the hallway, the tall, dark, looming door before you. Your fingertips were trembling, yet you didn't know if it was out of fear or anticipation.

He probably already knew you were here. Why did you even have to go through this step? Just for his sick kicks?

Most likely.

You didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

You swallowed and closed your eyes, taking a few deep breaths in and out of your nose. You had to give yourself a pep talk before you could lift up your hand, curling your knuckles to knock on the door.

You stopped before you could knock even once. If there was any time to run, this is it. If you could just-

No. It's impossible.

God how you knew it was impossible.

No matter where you went, no matter what you did, he seemed to always know.

You've seen him angry before. It ran shivers down your spine and made you contemplate whether or not there was an afterlife or not.

You didn't want to know how he was like when he was pissed off. Especially if it was directed towards you.

And, you knew, trying to get away from him was a sure as fuck way to royally piss him off.

Taking in one last deep breath, you put on your brave face and knocked on the door, feeling your dread become almost overwhelming in your gut.

You wet your lips before you spoke.

"It's me."

...

Silence.

Your head perked up at the nothingness that greeted you back. Was he not here anymore? Did he leave for a different place without telling you?

You opened your mouth to say something again, but quickly shut it again.

Could you... leave? Go home?

This was definitely a first.

As soon as your excitement welled up, however, you were quickly shot down again from the deep voice behind the door.

"Come in."

Fuck.

Squaring your shoulders and putting on your bravest face, you gingerly opened the door and stepped through, leaning your back against the wood as you shut it again.

Why did you do this to yourself? So willingly walk into the lion's den?

It didn't take you long to remember.

Fear.

Looking inside the room, the lighting was moody to say the least. Barely anything was turned on, and it was so deafeningly quiet, sans the sounds of the city below and the hum of the AC.

Scanning the room with your eyes, you felt your stomach do a flip when you landed on the man of the hour.

The man who had taken over your life for the past three years.

Him.

Shigaraki. Or, as he was known by everyone who wasn't you, All for One.

Probably the most feared man in Japan. Hell, the world even.

Christ on a fucking bike.

He was seated on the couch that faced the door, his usual sly smirk on his face. One of his legs was crossed over the other, and he seemed to had shed his black coat long ago. His crimson eyes bore right into the very fiber of your being, right into your very soul. His presence was so fucking overwhelming it made you feel like you couldn't breathe. The amount of power that dripped off that man was uncanny.

It always made you wonder what he wanted with quirkless little you.

Unable to maintain eye contact with him for any longer, you dropped your gaze to the floor, your back still pressed against the door. Even though you couldn't see him anymore, you could feel his eyes on you, raking up and down your body.

You prayed that this night went by quickly.

"You're late, little one." He said to you, making your shoulders tense up.

"I..." you began, your nervousness painfully obvious as you brushed your hair behind your ear, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be."

All for One let out a hum, and you could practically fucking feel his smirk grow bigger from across the room.

You wondered if he knew that you were only half telling the truth, or if he was just that delusional.

After a moment, he spoke again.

"Come into the light, darling. Let me get a good look at you."

Swallowing the lump in your throat, you hesitated for a brief second, your fingertips twitching against the wood of the door. Seeing no possible way out, you decided it was best to just do what he said. Pushing yourself off the door, you took small, timid steps into the light, keeping your gaze down on the floor. Awkwardly trying to figure out what you should do with your hands, you decided on clasping them in front of you, picking at the skin around your nails.

You could really feel his eyes on you now.

He looked you over for what felt like an eternity before he said something else, making your eyes flicker back up to him.

"There's no need to be shy, my dear," he said, sensing how nervous you were, "There's nothing to be concerned about. You know I would never harm you."

You wanted to snort out a laugh, but decided against it. Yes, he had never hurt you before, but you doubted it was out of his realm of capability.

Not knowing what to respond with, you simply just nodded, turning your attention back to your hands.

Shigaraki continued to stare at you for a good long while, his red eyes lingering on your cute face and nervous eyes.

Fucking hell you were just too adorable.

After a good second, All for One lifted up his hand, making you look up at him. He was holding his palm out to you, his usual smirk on his face.

"Come here." He said.

Shit, he was getting serious tonight.

Your cheeks tinting a faint pink, you forced your feet to raise up and make you walk across the room. Once you were close enough, you put your hand into his, watching it as it was nearly swallowed by the sheer size of his palm. Knowing exactly what he wanted, you slipped yourself in between his long, thick legs and sat back into his lap. Your side was nuzzled into the crook of his armpit, his strong arm wrapping itself around your waist to keep you in place. Just like he liked, you rested your head against All for One's shoulder, gently lying your hands across his broad chest. This seemed to please him greatly, since he put his other hand on your lower thigh, gently rubbing circles into the side of your knee with his thumb.

You must really be fucking insane.

Gently, Shigaraki pressed a gentle kiss into your hair, mumbling out a quiet good girl in the process.

You couldn't stop the pink dust from spreading across your cheeks.

"How was your day today, darling?" He asked you, the rumble of his voice in his chest loud in your ears.

You hummed before speaking.

"It was okay..." you said, feeling the hand on your side gently stroking up and down.

"You had a lot to do, didn't you?" He asked, making you glance up at him.

Of course he fucking knew about your goddamned errands and job.

"Yeah..." you said, "I was expecting to go back home and chill the rest of the night, but..."

Shigaraki let out a chuckle at this. You didn't have to finish your thought for him to know what you meant.

"Oh, I'm sorry, little one." He said, pressing another kiss to your temple, "I know you must be tired."

You nodded in response, maybe a bit too eagerly.

"I just couldn't bear another second without you, darling." He continued, tracing circles on your thigh this his pointer and middle finger, "I just had to have my special girl with me tonight."

You shifted your weight in his lap, looking up at him, "Did something happen?"

Shigaraki chuckled at this, reaching up and brushing the hair out of your face, "Let's just say I had some... family issues tonight, my dear."

Family?

Shigaraki had family?

This was definitely a first.

You couldn't help but to be nosy.

"Family?" you asked.

"Oh, nothing for you to be concerned about, my sweet girl." He said, leaning down to press a kiss to your forehead.

"You never told me you had family." You pressed, not wanting to let the subject go.

"You never needed to know, small one. Besides, it would be too dangerous for you to meet them anyhow."

"Dangerous?"

"There's a possibly they would try to take you from me."

"I highly doubt you would let that happen."

He chuckled, "As clever as always, my darling."

"What are their names?"

"Let's move on from his, my love."

"But I-"

"Are you hungry, dear? I can have someone fetch you something."

"Shigaraki, I just-"

"I said no."

A shiver went down your spine and you were quick to shut your mouth. You knew what that tone meant. It meant shut up or you get a punishment.

You always just chose to shut up.

Seemingly pleased at your compliance, Shigaraki assumed his usual smirk again and planted a kiss on your cheek, rubbing more small circles into your side.

"Have I told you how radiant you look tonight, my dear?" He asked you.

Not feeling in the mood to talk anymore, you just shook your head no.

"You always look gorgeous to me, my dear. Every single piece of you."

Pulling you closer to his chest, he lifted up your chin and looked deep into your eyes.

"My special girl. My favorite."

Closing the distance between the two of you, All for One pressed his lips to yours, stealing your breath away. His kisses were always just like him: strong, confident, and dominating.

Kissing Shigaraki always filled you with a whirling of emotions. Perhaps it was because you were tired that night, or perhaps it was because of the air, but you allowed yourself to fully enjoy his kiss. The feeling of his hands on you, the feeling of how small he made you feel, the feeling of his power radiating off his skin...

He always had this affect on you. When you were apart from him, you found it hard to love him.

But, when you were together...

you found it hard to stop.

#all for one x reader #afo x reader #mha afo #bnha afo #bnha x you #bnha x reader #mha x you #mha x reader #mha x y/n #bnha x y/n

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kyotarou · 3 years

Text

title: a little more noise

pairing: kyōtani kentarō x gn!reader

synopsis: in a world of constant silence, he’s the noise you need in life, even if he’s a bit quiet.

warnings: fluff, angst, mutual pining, slowburn, strangers to friends to lovers, lotta tropes and cliches, two swear words if i counted correctly

word count: 4.8k+

a/n: i wrote this in two days which i’m very proud of, go me! always wanted to write a kyōken fic and here it is. kinda scared to post this bc he’s quite tough to characterize imo and i’m terrible at writing longer pieces. oh well :,) no indentation because that’d be such a pain. hope you like it, feedback is always appreciated! (this is also my first time writing slowburn so please lmk if it’s still too fast)

Your parents were not bad people—that was a fact. They were kind, and you did everything an ordinary family would; eat dinner together, go on trips, attend school events. Things were quiet, a little too quiet for comfort. It never felt… right. You heard stories of parents arguing, nasty divorces, and custody battles. They tore your friends apart, made them feel a pain you could never understand. You knew how terrible it was, yet sometimes you wished you went through that to fill the silence in your home. The same monotonous, “good mornings,” and “hellos,” became sickening to hear. You told yourself to push on until after graduation where you’d escape. As the years dragged on, you weren’t so sure you could keep your sanity intact.

It was how you met Kyōtani Kentarō, a second-year from your school who was in a different class. Your friend told you of a gym nearby that was secluded at night. With a sly grin, he said he met up with students from other schools to smoke, and sometimes as a hookup spot. You wrinkled your nose at his comment and flicked his forehead. These were the people you hung out with; not so bright, but easygoing and fun. They were the ones who satisfied the need for noise, the bit of excitement in your life.

You snuck out after your parents had gone to bed. It didn’t hit until halfway through your walk that several things could happen. You were alone with nothing to defend yourself with except your phone and bare hands. Looking down at your outfit, an old dark hoodie and some sweats, you hoped it was ominous enough to ward people away. Besides, the last thing you wanted was to go home and wallow in its emptiness.

To see the lights on in the gym was a surprise. Upon closer inspection, you heard the squeaking of shoes and the cannon-like sounds of balls slamming the floor. You peeked your head through the door. The only person inside was a boy, no older than you. The first thing you noticed was his oddly dyed hair which resembled a tennis ball. The second was his piercing gaze as he turned his head and stared at you. You jumped. He looked as though he was going to charge at you. Instead, the boy huffed, walked to the other side of the gym, and picked up the ball. You spotted a familiar white and blue jacket on the ground.

“Seijoh?”

The boy turned to you again. “Yeah.” His voice was low, but powerful enough to rumble the earth.

You swallowed. “I go there, too.” This was a waste of time, you thought. You should’ve gone home, and you almost did until he spoke again.

“Never seen you before.”

The ball flew into the air with the boy tailing it. His body bent in a way you didn’t think was possible, face pinched in concentration. It hit his hand then the ground with the loudest smacks you had ever heard. It was incredible, but also scary. He picked up another ball behind him and did the same, and again, and again, until his side was empty and yours was strewn with several blue and yellow volleyballs. The more you watched, the more mesmerized you became.

“Can I stay?” You felt stupid for asking, but if he was trying to concentrate, you didn’t want to disturb him. Surprisingly, he nodded. You sank to the floor with your knees to your chest and listened to the constant thwacks and smacks all night.

You only learned his name a little while after. It was by accident. You were walking by a group of boys at school when one of them called him Mad Dog-chan, and you bit your lip to stop your laughter. Luckily, they didn’t notice. It was kind of cute the more you thought about it. It fit his appearance quite well, too. That night, you found him at the gym once again. Instead of a curt nod, you waved.

“Hey, Mad Dog-chan!”

You immediately regretted your words when he stopped bouncing the ball and flashed you a murderous look. You muttered a hurried apology and sat on the floor in your usual spot. He whacked a ball a couple of times then came over to grab his water bottle. After a few quick gulps, you expected him to get back on the court, but he stared at the spot beside you.

“It’s Kyōtani. Kyōtani Kentarō.”

Some nights, he didn’t practice. You sat in a playground nearby with soda and snacks from home. Originally, they were meant to replenish his energy when he overworked himself. Now, you were the one eating most of them, with Kyōtani nibbling on a custard bun as you wolfed down chip bag after chip bag. One thing you could say with confidence was Kyōtani was a great listener. At first, you sat in awkward silence. Then, you started rattling off all the things you did that day. It led to you talking about anything and everything, including the funny-looking dog you saw on the street last week. You hoped he didn’t think he reminded you of it.

Talking to Kyōtani was equivalent to talking to a wall. If anything, you were talking at him. He barely looked your way, and if you asked a question, he responded with a grunt or a simple, “Yeah.” Even though you wished it was two-sided, it felt good. You could finally break the silence that shrouded you for years, something you yearned to do but never had the confidence to. With Kyōtani, because of how quiet he was, you felt you could say anything without judgment. You did this for a while, rambling to him in the playground while he sat and listened.

Together, you sat on the swings with fruit sandwiches you made earlier that day. Your feet dragged against the sand and dirt as you swung back and forth. It seemed like Kyōtani enjoyed it. You noticed him eyeing your sandwich while licking his lips. You laughed and handed the rest to him. You started your daily tangent; woke up, ate a meat bun for breakfast, went to school, did homework, then came here. Somewhere along the way, you mentioned how you were home alone since your parents had lots of meetings to attend. You wished it was a little more lively. It was why you left the house every night, to find some noise in the suffocating void of it all.

You talked some more about your family, which you never did. You were too distracted to see Kyōtani’s head perk up. He stopped munching on the fruit sandwich and leaned forward, trying to look at your face. You continued to ramble, feeling your irritation slowly rise.

“Am I a bad person? I mean, they’re really nice, and I adore them. But it’s unbearable sometimes, and then I end up feeling like an asshole.”

You let out a dry laugh, ignoring the pain of the metal chains holding up the swing as they dug into your palms. You pressed your lips together in a thin line, unsure of what to say next. You chose to draw circles in the sand with the tip of your shoe.

“I understand how you feel.”

You looked at Kyōtani in surprise. You waited for him to say more, but he didn’t. The night felt a little brighter.

The last thing your “friends” expected was for you to ditch them for him. “Looks like a tennis ball,” one of them said. You chuckled since it was your exact thought when you first met him. You were relieved but also disheartened when they didn’t seem to mind too much. At least you knew where they stood.

Hanging out with Kyōtani was much different compared to your nights at the gym or the playground. You got lots of stares from the third-years who never thought he could behave like this. Some people in your class whispered about the two lone-wolves banding together. You pretended not to hear.

“You’ve been cheery lately.”

You stared at your mother, trying to process her words. They never asked about you, which you grew to appreciate. It meant not having to force out a conversation. You almost brushed it aside until she spoke again. Your chin rested in your palm as you picked the vegetables on your plate, stomach full with snacks.

“I met a new friend.”

Your mother raised her brows, impressed. “Oh? Tell me about him.”

“How do you know he’s a boy?”

“Just a hunch.”

You sighed, continuing to stir your food. “He’s quiet. A little weird, but he’s nice. I can talk to him about anything.”

“That’s good.”

Your father glanced at her, and she shot him a strange look. Don’t, it said. He backed off and ate as if nothing happened.

You managed to weave yourself with the other boys from the volleyball team. They were a scary bunch at first, most of them glaring at Kyōtani the moment he walked through the door, but they were nice to you. He had left his jacket at the playground one night, and you made a mental note to return it to him the next day. Except, like Kyōtani, you also forgot about it. When you saw the boys flood to the gym for practice, you raced home then back to school and shyly followed a group of girls to the gym who were there to gawk at the captain.

During their break, you nervously approached Kyōtani and poked his shoulder. They watched you return his jacket but didn’t expect his, “Thank you,” afterward. When you left, Oikawa bugged him to invite you back. Kyōtani shrugged. He usually ignored him at all costs. Oikawa took it as a good sign.

Hanging out with them was a lot more fun than you anticipated. They were better than your previous friends, and even though most of them didn’t like Kyōtani, they seemed to be warming up. Your favorite moment was the movie night at Oikawa’s house. The living room was packed, with little room to wiggle, but it was comfortable. That night, you laughed so hard your stomach hurt, and the tensions between you, Kyōtani, and the rest of the boys dissolved. You belonged here.

Yahaba caught him staring at you outside your classroom. You sat across from another classmate, helping her with a few assignments for her art class. You posed and let her take pictures. Some were silly, but the others captured your features perfectly. In one of them, you rested your cheek in your palm with the tip of your pencil wedged between your teeth. You looked at the camera through your lashes as your classmate continued to snap more shots.

“Cool it.” Yahaba clapped him on the shoulder.

“I’m not jealous.”

“Never said you were.”

You helped your classmate pack her things. While you followed her out the door, she twirled a lock of hair around her finger and fiddled with the hem of her skirt. You bid her goodbye as her friends called her over, then turned to Kyōtani and Yahaba.

“Ready to go?”

Yahaba nodded, as did Kyōtani. You walked ahead of them, listing off that day’s menu. Behind you, Kyōtani’s eyes zeroed in on your moving form, the shift of your hips as you took each step. From an outsider’s perspective, it looked like he was honing in on a kill. Yahaba prodded his arm.

“Don’t be a pervert.”

You swore you heard a slap.

Friday after school, your parents were home from work much earlier than anticipated. A game show played on the television. They barely noticed your arrival until you called out. The TV turned off, and your mother looked over the back of the sofa with a wry smile. Your father drummed his fingers on the arm of the sofa. His eyes stayed glued to the empty screen.

“Welcome back,” your mother greeted. She glanced at the boxes in the kitchen, filled with old plates and cutlery you hadn’t touched in a while. You assumed they were throwing them out.

“So…” she drawled. “What do you think of Tokyo?”

“Tokyo?”

Your hands shook as you set your school bag down on the kitchen table. The boxes made more sense. You remembered your father talking about a school his friend’s son attended. Nekoma, was it? He told you how great it was there, that it’d be easy to make friends in such a populated area.

“Tokyo…” you repeated. A heavy lump formed in your throat. “It seems… nice. Why do you ask?” You couldn’t stop the waver in your voice. Your mother caught on too.

“Dad’s company moved areas. It’s a big shift, but it’s too good to lose. So-”

“We’re moving.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“But you were about to.”

Your head hung over the table. There was a crushing weight in your chest. Of course they wouldn’t tell you. They never did. It was too much to not expect this betrayal. If you told them how happy you were at Seijoh, maybe things would’ve been different. I could’ve prevented this. You shook your head. You couldn’t stop an entire company from moving, nor could you convince your father to find a new job in Miyagi. You had to follow them like you always did.

“If we can stay, we will, but most likely-”

“I’ll start packing.”

You grabbed your school bag and stomped to your room, vision obscured by your tears. Why now? Why did it have to be when you were starting to fit in, when you found real friends who made you happier than ever? Just when things looked like they were turning around, you were back at square one. You’d be there for a while, stuck in a new city far away from Seijoh. If you were with your old group, you wouldn’t have been this upset. But to not see them again—Yahaba, Hanamaki, even Oikawa.

You opened your phone and stared at the lock screen: a picture of you and Kentarō from the movie night at Oikawa’s. His arm was slung over your shoulder, a scowl on his face, but the peace sign he held up made it worth it. You remembered taking it and everyone gasping that Kentarō would even allow anyone to take a picture of him, let alone save it. Your heart fluttered. When did he stop being Kyōtani and become Kentarō?

Kentarō faced the empty playground. He sat in the right swing as he always did, scanning the area for any sign of you. In his hand was his attempt at a fruit sandwich, messily covered in cellophane with whipped cream oozing between the bread. A bandaid wrapped the tip of his finger where he accidentally cut himself. Damn those strawberries.

Kentarō kicked at the dirt. He waited, and waited some more, but after twenty minutes, you didn’t show. He pulled out his phone and sent you a quick text. Your absence made his skin crawl. His phone lit up with a response. Sorry, was all you said.

He couldn’t shake the heaviness as he trudged home.

The view outside the window gave you an excuse to be distracted. The voices of the boys were loud, but you chose to focus on the birds circling the courtyard. Two of them swooped down and landed on the thick branch of an old tree. They ruffled their feathers and nuzzled their beaks. You saw your old friends walk out of the main building. The one who introduced you to the gym glanced up. His eyes met yours momentarily. He went back to talking to someone you didn’t recognize and led them to the other side of the campus.

You stared out the window until Mattsun shook your shoulder. You turned and put on a faux smile. Your classwork was still strewn across your desk even though it was lunch. A few drops of chili sauce had landed on your math homework. You scowled at Hanamaki, his face stuffed with food.

“Oops.”

You wiped it off with an eye roll then stuffed it into your bag along with your other notebooks.

“What’s buggin’ ya?” Mattsun asked.

You shrugged. “Nothing. I’m ready for the day to end.” It was the last thing you wanted. There was a bit of time before you left for Tokyo, but the countdown moved fast. You ignored Mattsun’s opposing look and ate. They couldn’t know yet.

Kentarō knew there was more than what met the eye, but he bit his tongue. He was paranoid, he told himself. The guilty look on your face as the boys laughed, unaware of the shift in attitude, said otherwise. He threw his arm over the back of your chair. You relaxed, but the sad look remained. Remembering the fruit sandwich he made, Kentarō grabbed it from his bag and slid it across your desk. You raised your brows.

“What’s this?”

“I made it.”

You unwrapped the sticky mess of whipped cream and strawberry jam. Kentarō watched you take a small bite, followed by a bigger one.

“This is delicious!”

He showed you the tip of his finger. “The price I paid for it.”

Your knees knocked against his under your desk. He flinched. You pressed your finger to your lips, then to the bandaid. “Thank you. Hope it feels better.”

Your cheeks swelled as you took more bites than you could chew. Pink syrup stuck to the corner of your mouth. Cute, Kentarō thought.

“What was that?” you mumbled. A crumb lodged itself in your throat. Mattsun rushed over and slapped you so hard on the back it echoed. A handful of other students looked over. Hanamaki scolded you for gulping down your bottle of water without taking any breaths. Kentarō cheeks turned a darker shade than the strawberries when you gripped his arm for support. You didn’t ask again.

“Cute,” he whispered anyway. He knew you wouldn’t hear over Mattsun’s teasing. “You’re cute.”

Kentarō invited you to the movies. He planned on having it at home, but his parents occupied the TV, and his laptop was too small to enjoy anything. He met you at a plaza a walking distance’s away. He let you pick the movie, curious about your tastes. Action? Romcom? When he looked at his ticket, it was for the latest horror movie. Critics raved about it, calling it the best of the decade. Impressive.

The movie started a while ago. The critics were right, it was scary, a lot scarier than he expected. You enjoyed it like a comedy movie, clapping your hand over your mouth when the entire theater shrieked at the killer, including Kentarō.

“You’re a sadist,” he whispered.

“Am not, just think it’s funny.”

He shook his head. Another jumpscare happened, this time worse than before. Several people jolted in their seats and bits of popcorn flew into the air. Kentarō didn’t realize he had sank into his seat—your seat, actually—until you nudged his foot with yours.

“Scared?” Your breath was warm against his ear.

“Sorry.”

You patted his hand which clutched the armrest with a vice grip. Kentarō’s heart beat faster.

“It’s okay,” you said. “I’m right here.”

The movie ended and the lights switched on. People left the theater with wobbly legs and pale faces. You headed to the exit holding your empty cups and popcorn bags with Kentarō in tow. He wished the movie was longer. Not because he enjoyed it, but because the smile on your face made it worth it.

Your room was bare besides your bed and desk. Most of your stuff was packed neatly in the many cardboard boxes piled inside your now empty closet. It’d been a few weeks since that Friday, and you still hadn’t told Kentarō or any of the boys. You weren’t sure how to break the news. He noticed how clingy you became, tailing him wherever he went at school. Not that he minded. You talked less at the playground. It was him who filled the silence instead, though his daily recaps weren’t as interesting as yours.

Next week was the last with Kentarō. In your shaky hands was an envelope, the edges indented from how hard you gripped it. You took out the letter inside, read it over, then slipped it back in. You thought about sealing it for the umpteenth time that day. Before your tongue swiped against the flap, you quickly scanned over the letter once more as if the words would disappear. You’d seal it later, you told yourself.

Your over-the-top cheeriness was so evident it was painful. They asked what was up, and you said you were simply having a good day. Kentarō knew better than that. At lunch, when you were away from everyone else, he prodded your shoulder and asked what was wrong. You frowned at him, then smiled.

“Everything's fine.”

Before he could probe further, you grabbed his wrist and led him to the cafeteria.

“There’s chicken! It’s your favorite, right?”

Something slipped out of your pocket. Kentarō thought it was your school notes. He bent down to pick it up and saw it was a white envelope, unsealed. You were already gone, dragged away by his teammates. He didn’t want to pry, but curiosity got the best of him. Turning the other direction, he grabbed the note inside. His name at the top caught his eye.

Dear Kyōken-chan,

He snorted.

Sorry for not telling you this sooner. I’m still trying to process this too.

A crease formed on his forehead as he squinted. The letter was quite long, the handwriting messy. He repeated the phrases in his head over and over, but he couldn’t fully understand what they meant. He flipped it to the back and sighed when there was more. He decided to scan it this time, except a handful of words made him reread it in depth.

“Kentarō!” In your arms were several wrapped buns from the cafeteria. He tried to stuff the note into his pocket, but you already saw.

“Oh.” The buns fell to the ground. “Oh no.”

Kentarō’s face was a mix of frustration and hurt. The hand holding the letter shook, the other balled in a fist. You wanted to run, but if you moved, you swore you’d collapse.

“(Y/N),” he murmured. “What is this?”

A weary laugh escaped your lips. “Um. Can we go somewhere else?”

Not waiting for an answer, you grabbed his wrist and led him to the school’s courtyard.

“One week,” he huffed.

“One week.”

You sat beneath a large, shady tree in the farthest corner away from the main building. Kentarō rubbed his temple and sighed. He held onto your letter. You fiddled with your fingers in your lap.

“For how long?”

“Probably forever. Not literally, but it’ll feel like it.”

“So you’re graduating from Nekoma?”

You nodded. Kentarō tapped his knuckles against his cheek.

“Wished you told me sooner.”

You blinked at him wearily. “You’re not mad?”

He shook his head then turned away. You grew quiet for a moment. He took it as his chance to butt in.

“So, you like me?”

“It’s all in the letter.”

“I want to hear you say it.”

You looked away. Your hands were clammy, and the air felt ten times hotter. The word you used was stronger, much stronger than he anticipated. It made his cheeks burn and a smile threatened to pull at his lips. He wanted to hear it come to life.

“I love you, Kentarō.”

It sounded sweet, almost tooth-rotting sweet. Kentarō chewed the inside of his cheek. He liked you, he really did. He just wasn’t sure if it was the right moment to say it. Would there be a right moment? After this week, you’d be in Tokyo in another school—a rival school, to make matters worse. He wanted his words to hold weight, and in that moment, they didn’t. Not as much as he wished.

“If you don’t feel the same, I understand.”

“I do.”

You opened your mouth to speak, but the bell cut you off. Kentarō hoisted himself from the ground then held his hand out. His palm was rough under yours, but his touch was gentle. Once you got to your feet, you let go, but he kept his pinky locked with yours.

Friday arrived quickly. Sadness filled the air as you said your goodbyes, thanking your classmates and teachers for the short, but pleasant year. After school, the team led you to the gym with your eyes covered. The boys’ gym was decorated with a banner and a table with food. There was even a cake, the word Seijoh iced and crossed out on top. You let out a hearty laugh before inviting the boys to dig in.

“Of course,” said Oikawa. “I paid for it.”

On one side, Mattsun smeared frosting over Hanamaki’s cheek. On the other, Oikawa tried to spoon-feed Iwaizumi only to be smacked on the head. You sat on the floor next to Kentarō and looked around with a big smile. His thumb reached out to wipe a dollop of frosting from the corner of your mouth. The phrase, “Time flies when you’re having fun,” held up its end of the bargain. When you looked outside, the sun had begun to set.

You thanked your friends, took one last photo, and managed to hold in your tears until your walk home. You promised to visit and to cheer them on at nationals, even if you were on Nekoma’s side. They laughed, waved with sad smiles, then watched you leave.

Kentarō caught up with you a third of the way home. His hand slipped into yours, a habit he recently picked up. It wouldn’t last much longer. You stopped a few houses down from yours. You didn’t want to let go, not yet.

You learned many things this year. One, life wasn’t fair. It never was. Two, people weren’t as shitty as you thought, proven in your new friendships. Three, seeing Kentarō cry made your heart ache in a way you never wanted to feel again. His head fell against your shoulder with a hard thump, tears soaking through the uniform you’d wear for the last time. You rubbed his back and pressed your lips to the top of his head.

“Stay,” he pleaded.

“I wish I could.”

“Please don’t go.”

“I have to.”

Kentarō looked up through his watery lashes. Your lips connected. Who initiated it was a mystery. His kiss was slow but fervent. You leaned in, deepening it until you swore your teeth clashed. Kentarō’s hands rested on your hips, yours on the nape of his neck. His kisses were magnetizing, drawing you closer with each movement. You broke apart for air, foreheads pressed together. He still had tears in his eyes, and so did you. You stayed like that for a bit, wrapped in each other’s arms until you knew you had to let go.

“Call me everyday, please,” he whispered.

“I promise. I swear on my life.”

You kissed him again.

“Goodbye, Kentarō. I love you.”

“Goodbye, (Y/N). I’ll be waiting.”

“So will I.”

Kentarō didn’t say it, but he didn’t have to. You knew he loved you, proven by his daily text messages and calls thereafter. Even if it only lasted a couple of seconds, you never missed a day. Sometimes, you heard his teammates' voices in the background. The audio would become crackly before a new voice replaced your boyfriend’s: Mattsun, Yahaba, Oikawa, and even Iwaizumi.

Boyfriend. The fact made your stomach fill with butterflies. Kentarō was yours, and you were his.

It’d been months since you last saw him in person. You finished your second-year at Nekoma, a school that welcomed you with open arms. You met lots of people, found new friends, but the boys from Seijoh never left your mind. The picture you took hung on the wall of your new bedroom, a space you were still getting used to. Summer vacation was here, and you promised to come home to Miyagi for a week or two. On the train, you checked your phone to see how many kilometers were left. Just a few more minutes.

When it came to a halt, you burst from your seat, duffle bag in tow. You sent Kentarō a text, only to be face-to-face with him the moment the doors opened. You leapt into his arms, knocking him back a few steps. His chin rested on your shoulder as you hugged, swaying side to side.

“I missed you so much, Ken.”

“Missed you, too.”

Your fingers clasped around his, resting perfectly in the dips between his knuckles. Hopefully, he hadn’t dropped his habit. The months you were apart flew by, but they were also the longest you had ever witnessed. Seeing Kentarō for the first time in a while felt like a breath of cool, fresh air.

You tugged on his wrist, ready to head to town. He stayed put.

“What is it?”

“I love you.”

He grinned shyly at you. Kentarō brought color into your dull life, your source of noise in the thick silence. The summer wouldn’t forever, and you had another year left to endure. But as long as he was there, even kilometers away, you’d get through it together.

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pxedpiper · 3 years

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Horizon (21)

Plot Summary: Once a princess of a kingdom you loathed to call yours, you have somehow found yourself aboard a pirate ship, stuck on the ocean waves. Now you try to figure out how to escape them, but as you continue to journey with them, you find yourself wondering if you even want to.

Pairings: Ateez x Reader (Kim Hongjoong x Reader)

Content Warnings: Mentions of death and sexual implications throughout the fic, nothing ever specified in detail

Previous / Masterlist / Next

A/N: Y'all ever just spend all night writing 23 pages of a chapter because you got possessed by the god of writing suddenly???? yeah that was me with this chapter bc HOOOOLYYY SHIT she's a long one! Not that I'm sure anyone will complain with that but like damn i really did go off here. Chapter warnings though: this does contain child abuse (though I don't think it's incredibly descriptive??? i tried my best) as well as uh smth near the end that i think y'all will like (eye emojis bc i'm on laptop) I hope you guys enjoy this EXTREMELY long chapter !!! i'm about to go pass out lmao

It wasn’t hard to corner Seonghwa; thanks to him spending a lot of time in the kitchen, it was easy to catch him during a time no one else was likely to interrupt. You casually strolled in, trying not to make it seem obvious that you were there for a reason.

“Hello, Seonghwa,” You greeted, “Are you busy?”

“Not terribly, just preparing dinner for later,” He replied, not looking at you, “I would like some help, however, if you’re willing.”

“No problem,” You jumped up, “What do you need?”

“Make sure these vegetables are cut up properly,” He instructed, handing you a kitchen knife, “It’s no dagger, but I don’t think I need to doubt your skills with a blade, now do I?”

You confirmed, “Jongho’s mother showed me what to do when we first went to his home, remember? I can handle this.” You began to chop the vegetables, letting a moment pass before you spoke up again. “Seonghwa?”

“Yes?” He answered absentmindedly, clearly focused on cooking.

“I couldn’t help but notice… Every time that Hongjoong brings up the possibility of seeing your families, you act differently. You and Yunho both, truly.” He froze in place at your words. “And I remember before, you told me it’d been six years since you’d last seen your family. I didn’t want to ask more at the time, because I was still new to the crew and didn’t want to pry, but I hope by now I’ve earned enough trust to be able to ask, Seonghwa.”

“It’s not a matter of trust,” He sighed, leaning forward onto the counter, “I don’t like to talk about it. It isn’t important, anyway.”

“Of course it’s important, it’s about you,” You replied, looking at him, “And I’d say it’s only fair, considering you know everything about my family. If you really don’t want me to know, then I’ll stop asking, but I think it might benefit the both of us if you still get upset over it.”

He was silent for a moment, thinking over your words, before sighing again, “I know by now you know the common theme amongst everyone in the crew, correct?”

“Yeah, that Hongjoong saved you all in some way,” You instantly responded, “It applies to me, too.”

“Well, I was the very first person he saved,” He began, “I was his first crewmate. He met me right as he’d stolen The Utopia from it’s former owner.”

“That recently?!” You were shocked, “That means you’ve known him since before he was the Pirate King!”

“Yes, Yunho and Mingi, as well,” Seonghwa nodded, “But I won’t go too deeply into that. You see, before I was a pirate, I was just a sailor, I’d go out sailing for food to help feed my family, my parents and little brother. But one day, a storm came with no warning, and we weren’t prepared. I was the only survivor of that crew.”

“Oh my god,” You almost whispered, “How did you survive?”

“To this day, I’m not sure,” Seonghwa admitted, “It was almost like I was meant to survive, like I wasn’t supposed to die there. Maybe one of Maddox’s tricks, now that I think about it, but who could tell for sure? The point is, I was alive, but still adrift in the middle of the ocean. I thought that if the storm didn’t kill me, surely the hunger or dehydration would. But that’s when Hongjoong came, barely managing the ship all on his own. He noticed me sailing on my own and brought me aboard, giving me something to eat and drink while he was at it.”

“That sounds like Hongjoong,” You smiled fondly, thinking of your captain.

Seonghwa matched your smile, “Yes, and I was so thankful. I felt as though I owed my life to him, and after finding out that he was in need of crewmates, I quickly volunteered to join. He was surprised, but not exactly in a position to turn it down. And thus, I became his quartermaster.”

You tilted your head slightly, “But, what about your family? What happened to them?”

“What, indeed,” He sighed, “I know you’re no stranger to how pirates are considered by the general public. I couldn’t go back as a pirate, what if they’d shame me or want no part of me anymore? Who could blame them if they did? I thought it better to just let them think I was dead, then they wouldn’t feel the shame of having a pirate as a son. But, even now…”

“You feel guilty over it,” You finished, catching on to what he was about to say, “Seonghwa, I really don’t think you need to worry. While, yes, maybe at the time they might’ve had a bad reaction, by now I’m sure they’d just be glad to know you’re alive, pirate or not. Maybe it’s time you finally saw them again, let them know you’re still here and thinking about them.”

“I can’t,” He shook his head, “At least, not now. I’m not ready to face them yet. Besides, with the war looming over our heads, there’s no guarantee I’d even survive, and how cruel would it be to show up in front of them only to die, this time genuinely? It’d be too much, for both me and them.”

“I understand,” You nodded gently, holding onto both of his hands, “I won’t tell you that we’ll definitely make it out of this, because I don’t know for sure, and we could all die in this war. But, I want you to promise me that if you make it out of the war alive, you’ll go find your family. They need the closure, and quite frankly, you need it, too. Can you do that for me, Seonghwa?”

“I… I’ll try,” Seonghwa hesitantly stated, “But I can’t promise anything. Let’s focus on winning this war first, shall we? Then we’ll see about me finding my family.”

“That’s good enough for me,” You grinned at him, “Now, do you still need help with dinner, or can you handle it by yourself?”

“I can take it from here, (Y/N),” He chuckled, almost as if he were amused. As you turned to leave the kitchen, you could hear him call after you, “(Y/N?)”

“Yes?” You turned to face him again.

He gave you a sincere smile, “Thank you. For listening.”

“It’s no problem,” You returned the smile with one of your own, “After all, what are friends for?”

Later, as you searched the ship for Yunho, you ran into someone near the bow of the ship. Looking up, you quickly saw that it was Eden.

“I’m so sorry, Captain Eden,” You quickly apologized, “I was looking for Yunho and wasn’t aware of my surroundings.”

“It’s fine,” The older man waved off, an almost disinterested look upon his face, “I was actually meaning to speak with you myself, Your Highness, without Hongjoong keeping watch over you. I had something to ask you.”

“Please, don’t call me by any titles, as I already said I have none,” You reminded, “But alright, what do you need?”

“How come you haven’t left the crew yet?” With that question, the mood changed so suddenly that you could hear a pin drop.

Unsure of what his meaning behind this question was, you hesitantly replied while trying to maintain a friendly air, “I’m sorry, I’m afraid I don’t-!”

“I mean to say, how come you haven’t left the crew and freed them of this war yet?” Eden cut you off, doubling down on his question, “You know there’s no possible way for a ragtag group of pirates to win against the Royal Navy, why not just give yourself up and spare their lives?”

Dropping the friendly air, you narrowed your eyes and frowned at him, “And where exactly do you come off speaking like that when, quite frankly, it’s none of your business?”

“You asked for my help and my charge is your captain, so, quite frankly, it is my business,” He replied, matching the hostile air, “I agreed to help for his sake, not yours. You’ve given me no reason to believe you’re not a detriment to this crew.”

“Maddox said-!” You started, but were once again cut off.

Eden scoffed, “Maddox? You mean the madman down at Tortuga who you all now claim to be the ocean? Do you really expect me to believe that?”

“You said to Hongjoong earlier that you believed him because he knew better than to lie to you,” You argued, becoming increasingly more annoyed with Eden’s attitude the more he spoke.

“I did, yes, and I did believe him. I believe that he believes it, not that it actually happened. How you convinced him of such magic, I’m not sure, but I don’t care,” He responded, “I want you to leave Hongjoong and this crew, forever. They’re all too caught up in their love for you to realize that you’re leading them to their deaths, but if you truly care for them as much as you say you do, then you’ll go back home to your castle and call off this war.”

“How fucking dare you talk to me like that?” You stepped forward, enraged as you leaned in close to his face, “I may not have titles any longer, but I won’t be talked to in such a matter. Who exactly do you think you are to be giving me such an order?”

“Your captain’s captain, if you’ve already forgotten,” He returned your glare with one of his own.

You let out a slight scoff, “Yes, you’re his former captain, but you’re not mine. You have absolutely no authority over me, and so I don’t have to listen to a single fucking thing you have to say. I don’t care if you don’t believe me, I’ll prove it to you one way or another. Just you watch.”

“I’m telling you one last time, leave the crew and go back home, unless you want to see the crewmates you love so much die in front of your eyes,” He warned once again as you turned around, not backing down in the slightest.

Whipping around, you leaned in close once again, whispering harshly, “I’m not going anywhere, do you hear me? I made a promise to Hongjoong that I would stay on this ship, that I would never leave, and my promise to him means more to me than any authority you have over him!” Having finally had enough, you pushed past him, still fuming at how much he’d riled you up. Now you definitely needed to find Yunho, he always knew just how to calm you down.

Eden gave a small smirk as he watched the girl storm away, practically seeing the steam run out of her ears at how angry he’d gotten her.

Making his way over to Hongjoong’s quarters, he took a seat across the younger captain, “Well, she’s definitely a feisty one, that’s for certain.”

Hongjoong groaned, putting his quill down so he could put his head in his hands, “Don’t tell me you gave her one of your ‘tests’...”

“I had to make sure she was ready to fight alongside you all,” Eden replied, his tone almost innocent, “This is her family we’re going against after all, we can’t afford for her to pull any punches.”

“Yes, well, now I’m afraid she may end up punching you before anyone else, the way you do things,” Hongjoong sighed, leaning back in his chair, “So, what then? Did she meet your standards?”

“I think had we gotten anyone else we’d be in trouble,” Eden answered, not looking at his former student, “Despite her royal upbringing, she’s a perfect fit amongst you all. I guess you could call that irony, you being the Pirate King, and all.”

“Yeah, she was always a perfect fit, even if things started out rocky at first,” Hongjoong smiled softly, thinking of the girl that had taken his heart.

Eden didn’t miss the look on his face, speaking up, “I know you, Hongjoong, I know that look. And even if I didn’t, I could see it the minute I saw you with her. You’ve fallen for her, haven’t you?”

“Deeply,” Hongjoong admitted, not wanting to even try to argue it, “Like you wouldn’t believe. I’ve had… infatuations before-!”

“You’re telling me,” Eden scoffed, remembering some of the antics Hongjoong had gotten up to as a young teenager.

“But,” Hongjoong continued, giving a glare to his teacher, “It was never anything as… intense, as this. It’s almost indescribable, just every inch of my being wants to be near her. It was hell when she let herself get captured, Eden, pure hell. I barely know how to contain myself.”

“If you feel this strongly about her, you should tell her,” Eden advised, “It won’t do any good to just sit around on your feelings, letting them build up until they put you at a disadvantage. It’d be best to tell her the next time you see her.”

“We’re about to go to war, Eden,” Hongjoong sighed, “One or both of us very well could die, and then where would that leave us? What would be the point of confessing if we may not even live to see a future together?”

“Alright then, let’s think about it, shall we?” Eden humored his student, “Let’s go through the different scenarios. Number One, you live and she dies.” Just the mere thought of it caused Hongjoong to tighten his fists; he absolutely could not let that happen. “Now, would you want her to have died never knowing of your feelings, and have yourself live on knowing she never knew? Or would you at least want her to know before she passed, know that there was someone on Earth that loved her deeply?”

Hongjoong was silent, not knowing how to respond.

“Number Two,” Eden continued, “You die and she lives. Would you want her to live with the regret that you died for her, but never knowing why outside of you being her captain? Would you want her to live with that guilt?”

“No,” Hongjoong spoke softly, staring at the desk in front of him.

“Number Three, you both live. Then you can both live on happily as whatever you want, whether it be a pirate and his crewmate or as two civilians settling down in a town somewhere. It seems that there’s a pretty clear answer to me,” Eden concluded.

“You left one out,” Hongjoong pointed out, “We could both die. Then what?”

“What does it matter then, Hongjoong? You’re just trying to give yourself reasons not to tell her about how you feel,” Eden argued, “Besides, if you tell her now, at least you can say you had some time together, even if it was short. Some time is better than none at all, you’ll do well to remember that. You need to tell her, Hongjoong, before it’s too late.”

Hongjoong was silent for a moment before he sighed, “I’ll think about it. Besides, I don’t even know if she feels the same way.”

“She definitely feels the same way, she was damn near ready to kill me when I told her to leave you and the ship,” Eden scoffed.

“Right, well-!” Hongjoong continued the work he was doing, then paused, “Wait, you did what?”

You were still steaming with anger as you tried to find Yunho, almost missing the blue haired boy as he ran into you as well.

“Hey, watch it there,” He chuckled, clearly not upset until he saw that you were, “What’s wrong? Did Wooyoung call you princess again?”

“No, it’s not that, it’s that I can’t believe that Hongjoong was raised by such a rude, no-good, infuriating bilgerat of a man,” You ranted, anger still clouding your head.

“Okay, let’s calm down a bit before he hears you, I doubt that’ll make the situation better,” Yunho grabbed onto your shoulders and tried to calm you down, “Let’s go to the railing and talk, alright? Like how we used to back when you first came on board.”

“Alright,” You nodded, taking deep breaths to calm down, “Let’s go.” Once you were at the railing where you liked to watch over the ocean, you informed Yunho of your altercation with Eden, relaying every detail.

“Ah, it seems you’ve been given one of Eden’s ‘tests’,” Yunho chuckled, understanding the situation now, “Don’t take it to heart, he likely meant none of it. It’s just what he does to every new crew member, to make sure Hongjoong isn’t surrounded by anyone who’ll hurt him. It’s like you said, the man’s like his father, and he wants what’s best for him, even if neither of them will admit it. He can take it a bit far though, damn near almost got killed by San for doing the same thing.”

“I think I’ve had quite enough of people giving me tests,” You grumbled, thinking of when Maddox had sent the storm to test your willpower on your first voyage to Elysia.

“Yeah, I don’t blame you!” Yunho laughed, “But like I said, he meant none of it. If anything, he probably respects you more now due to your response. You put Hongjoong before him, which is what every crew member should do for their captain. For once, your temper actually worked in your favor.”

“Oh, shut up,” You stuck your tongue out at him playfully before you both burst into laughter at your antics. It was silent between you two, before you spoke up again, “You know, this is a lot like before, you and me at this railing while you tried to calm me down. I didn’t trust anyone back then, but now I trust you all with my life, isn’t it funny how things turn out?”

“Yeah, I remember,” Yunho smiled, gazing out into the ocean, “Nearly thought you’d and Yeosang would end up killing each other, the way you two fought. Now here you both are, ready to fight side by side. I’m almost proud.”

“I have something to admit,” You started, “Nothing bad, but when we last saw Maddox, he gave me a mission of sorts. He told me to get close to every crew member, to find out everything I could about them, to strengthen our bonds, I assume. If I’m being honest, I’d almost forgotten about it because it seemed to happen naturally, but there’s one more person I still don’t know a lot about, and that’s you, Yunho. And, I figured, you were the first person on this ship that I began to trust, so how fitting is it that you’re the last person that trusts in me?”

“If I’m being honest, I kinda figured that’s what you were doing,” Yunho admitted, “And, well, I suppose it was going to happen sooner or later that I’d tell you my past. I don’t mind telling you, but I’m afraid it’s quite bittersweet. Not tragic, like Mingi’s, San’s, Yeosang’s, and Wooyoung’s, or complicated as Seonghwa’s. Just… bittersweet.”

“I’m listening,” You encouraged, holding onto his hand.

“I used to live in a small town, way far away from here, clearly, with my father and younger brother,” Yunho began, “My mother died when my brother was very young and I’m sorry to say he went not too long after. I was fairly young myself, so it didn’t really impact me as much as it would now, but it changed something within my father. He became increasingly overprotective, to the point where I was essentially being kept captive in my own home. I wasn’t allowed to go out, and anytime I tried I’d get yelled at. I’m sure you can relate to that feeling.” He looked at you, the smile on his face not matching his words. You merely nodded, allowing him to continue.

“However, try as he might, he couldn’t stop me from looking out my window at night and seeing the stars, all sparkling and beautiful. Sometimes, if I was lucky, I’d sneak outside my home through the window and climb up onto the roof to be able to get a better look. I guess if you wanted to be poetic about it, you could say the stars were my first love,” Yunho had a fond look on his face as he told the story, “And so, from the minute I learned to read, I spent all my time learning about the stars and anything that comes with it. That’s how I learned to be a navigator; my love for the stars was the very thing that gave me my role on this ship. And that’s where Hongjoong comes in.”

“Hongjoong and Seonghwa had just made it to shore when I saw them; my former home was by the ocean,” Yunho continued, “They’d just met themselves, I believe, as I remember them telling me that Seonghwa had just become Hongjoong’s first crewmember. They’d stayed in town for a few days before they spotted me, looking at them through the window. I still don’t know what possessed Hongjoong to try to talk to me, but he walked right up to the window and introduced himself, Seonghwa trailing behind him, trying to stop him. I was surprised they’d even bothered, but I was overjoyed, as well. They were the first people beside my father who’d actually talked to me. I told them about myself, and why I was stuck inside, and you wouldn’t believe how angry Hongjoong got, him and Seonghwa both. They both promised that they’d find a way to bust me out, and that I could go with them as a pirate as their third member. Well, it didn’t take much to convince me, that’s for sure. I agreed instantly, and they set their plan for that night.”

“Once it was dark, Seonghwa caused a distraction, luring my father outside and away from the house, while Hongjoong snuck in and helped me carry whatever I needed out to the ship. Once we made it out, Hongjoong gave some sort of signal to Seonghwa to let him know that we were in the clear, and Seonghwa snuck away from my father. By the time he made it back home, I was already on the ship. I never knew what he did when he realized I was gone, or even what became of him. I joined the crew as their navigator and never looked back since,” Yunho concluded, “I don’t really feel bad about it, because I know I’m a lot better off than I would’ve been back there, but at the same time, I feel for the poor man, you know? His wife and child die, and his only remaining son runs off, never to be seen again. If I didn’t remember how bad it was, I might’ve been inclined to return, but as it stands, I don’t really ever want to see him again. I’m happy now, I don’t really need any sort of closure, not any he could give me anyway.”

You nodded for a second, understanding, “We’re a lot more alike than I thought, our stories are so similar. Now I understand what you meant when you said that you know how I felt back when we first talked.”

“It takes one to know one,” He agreed, still looking off into the ocean, “Though, I will say, it is nice to finally let it off my chest again. The crew knows, of course, but… I suppose it takes someone who knows exactly what it’s like to be locked away from the world to fully understand the weight of it. I’m glad you were the one I could properly talk about it with.”

“It’s no problem,” You smiled at him, giving him a slight nudge, “Consider it returning the favor for listening to me talk back then. Now we’re even.”

“Now we’re even,” He nodded, smiling himself, “Now, let’s go join the rest of the crew, shall we? I suppose by now Hongjoong will have found out what Eden said and demand he give you an apology, so let’s see how the rest of the crews make fun of him this time.”

The rest of the trip to Eysia was calm, unlike the first time when Maddox had created that storm to test you. This time, there were no tests, only calm waters as you reached the island.

“The water is calmer than usual,” You pointed out, “Almost as if it’s expecting us.”

“You think Maddox knows we’re coming to see him?” Wooyoung asked, looking out into the water.

Yeosang replied, “It’d be a shock if he doesn’t, he seems to know everything, doesn’t he?”

“Well, he is the ocean,” You shrugged, “He probably hears us talking right now. I guess we’ll know for sure in a bit. We’re reaching land.”

“I still can’t believe there was such an opening amongst those rocks,” Eden frowned, but not in contempt, but rather confusion, “How’d you manage to spot it the first time?”

“That would be thanks to (Y/N),” Hongjoong came up, a proud smile on his face, “She’s got an amazing eye, she’s the best lookout we could’ve asked for.” Flustered at the praise, you looked down and smiled, not meeting Hongjoong’s eyes. “Now, are we ready? We’re heading to shore now. Who’s coming? I know (Y/N) is joining.”

“Captain, do you even need to ask? Of course the whole crew is coming,” San sighed exaggeratedly, as if he was tired of Hongjoong not knowing what to expect from them.

“Yeah, I just hope that we actually get to go in the cool looking cave this time and not be forced to wait while (Y/N) goes in alone again,” Wooyoung added, pouting at the memory of the last time the crew was at Elysia.

“I’ll be going as well, as Captain of my own crew,” Eden told Hongjoong, turning to look at him, “I’ll need to meet him for myself if we’re truly to get help from him.”

“Understood,” Hongjoong nodded, “Let’s go, then.” Once you made it off the ship onto dry land, you were met with a familiar face.

“Welcome back,” Elysian greeted, a genuine smile on his face, “It’s nice to see you again. And welcome to you, Eden. It’s nice to meet you for the first time.”

“Right, you as well,” He answered somewhat awkwardly, “I’m guessing you’re the Elysian they’ve told me about, then.”

“That’s correct. Like what Maddox is to the ocean, I am to this island, thanks to (Y/N),” He shot you a grateful smile, “Now, I understand you all find yourselves in a tricky situation. Maddox is expecting you all.”

“Yes!” You could hear Wooyoung softly cheer to himself.

“Lead the way,” Hongjoong said, ignoring Wooyoung’s little outburst. It didn’t take long until you were back in the cove from before, where you last met with Maddox, this time surrounded by the crew you’ve come to love.

Said man smiled at you, having been waiting, “Hello, again, (Y/N). It’s been quite some time.”

“But not for you, has it?” You guessed, “You’ve been seeing everything we’ve gone through since we left, haven’t you?”

“That’s correct,” He nodded, the smile on his face not fading.

“Damn lot of good you were, we could’ve used your help during some of the things we went through,” Mingi scoffed.

“We could use your help now,” Hongjoong added on, looking at him with a determined look.

“I could not and cannot be involved,” Maddox answered, “If I were to, I’d be disrupting things too much and fate would be changed. Things must follow a certain path, and I must remain impartial as the deity of the ocean. In some small cases, I can alter things to fit fate’s path, but anything of this magnitude I must stay out of.”

“So, you’re essentially saying you’re useless,” Eden spoke dryly, arms crossed as he looked annoyed.

“Not necessarily,” Maddox contested, “(Y/N), Hongjoong, could you two please step forward?” Looking at each other, the two of you did what he said. “(Y/N), I promised you that the next time we met, I’d tell you everything about how the two of you met before and how neither remember. It’s time I keep that promise.”

“We already have a suspicion,” Hongjoong spoke, “A dream I had, we think it’s a memory of our first meeting.”

“You’d be right,” Maddox nodded, “But it’s not the full story. The truth is, I was the one who wiped both of your memories.”

“You what?” The both of you spoke at once, shocked at the information he’d just given you.

“The two of you met before you were ever supposed to,” Maddox began to elaborate, “Sometimes, things like that happen naturally, which is why it’s my job to fix them so fate doesn’t end up changing. I had to wipe your memories of each other to make sure that when you met again, you’d be complete strangers.”

“Well, can you give us those memories back?” You asked, “Or, at least tell us what happened?”

“I can,” He confirmed, “It won’t hurt fate for you to know now that you’ve met and grown close as intended. If you both wish it, I can return your memories back right now.”

You looked to Hongjoong, who nodded, “Do it. I need, no, we need to know.”

“Very well, then.” Maddox spoke, “Then, I’ll need you both to close your eyes, and think back to when you were children…”

“(Y/N), are you sure we should’ve snuck away from the guards?” Your brother asked you worriedly, “I mean, they were given to us for a reason!”

“Oh, relax!” You laughed, practically skipping in the town square, “We’re the prince and princess, we should know about how our kingdom works, and what better way to learn than to see it firsthand? Come on, this helps you more than me, you’re the one who’s going to be king after all!”

“Hey,” He stopped you, grabbing onto your shoulder so you could face him, “I know Mother and Father remind you of that all the time, but you don’t need to remind me. Once I’m king, I’ll make sure you have some sort of power, not be some bride they think they can marry off.”

Smiling, you took his hand, “Well, that’s very sweet of you, but we’re here to have fun, not talk about what kind of king you’ll be. Now, come on, let’s go see what’s out there!” You led your brother away, running down the streets as you both laughed and giggled. You were twelve years old, and your brother fourteen, and it felt like the world was before you as you both took in the sights and sounds of the town. It wasn’t as grand as you were expecting, but it was something different than the castle walls, and that alone was enough to get you excited. However, it wasn’t long before that excitement came crashing down.

There was a crowd gathering in the street, and you could hear someone’s cries in the middle of it, it sounded like a young boy’s. Making your way through the crowd, you pushed your way up front where you could finally see what was happening; a young boy around your age with light red hair was getting whipped and kicked around by people much older and heavier than him, and everyone only seemed to be watching. He was covered in blood and mud, and you could see scars littering his body which told you that this wasn’t the first time this had occurred.

You whispered to your brother, who had caught up to you, “What’s going on? What are those men doing to him?”

“Those are slave traders,” He whispered back, “I didn’t know there were any in this kingdom, they sell people off and treat them terribly. Looks like that one got him mad about something, he’s giving him a real beating…” In horror, all you could do was watch as one of the older men kicked the boy again, causing him to spit out blood upon impact.

“How come everyone’s just watching, why don’t they do anything?” You hissed, growing increasingly angry at all the people just standing idly by.

“Look at him, what do you expect them to do? They can’t just take him in a fight, and I’m sure he’s probably got some dirt on all of them to keep them quiet. All they can do is watch.” At this, another blow was dealt, and you’d finally had enough.

“Well, I can’t watch this! Come on!” Without thinking, you quickly rushed towards the boy and grabbed his hand, ignoring your brother’s instant cry of your name. “Come on, get up!” You rushed, taking advantage of the fact the slave traders seemed so shocked, he’d frozen in place. Quickly as he can, the boy rose to his feet, and at an instant you were off, holding onto the boy’s hand as you took off running, your brother quickly following.

“Quickly, follow me!” You urged, knowing you were likely to be chased, “We can’t let them catch us!”

“(Y/N), you’re going to get us in trouble!” You brother hissed out, managing to keep up with your pace, “What are you thinking?!”

“Run now, talk later!” You answered, continuing to run.

Your brother admonished, “Do you know what you’ve just caused?!”

“How was I supposed to just leave him there, he’s all bloody!” You argued, gesturing to the boy, who’d remained quiet, confused on what was happening, “They would’ve beaten him until he died! He’s not that much younger than you, you know!”

“I-!” Realizing you were right, your brother sighed, “Alright, fine! But when Mother and Father find out, it’ll be on your head!”

“That’s fine with me, now let’s go!” Quickly, the three of you found a small alley to hide in for the time being. It was then you turned to smile at the boy, “Don’t worry, I’ll make sure you make it somewhere safe, alright? Just trust me. What’s your name?”

You could see that he was still slightly hesitant, but he spoke in a soft voice, “...My name is Hongjoong. Kim Hongjoong.”

“I’m (Y/N), and this worrywart is my brother (B/N)!” You introduced yourself and your brother, continuing to try to make the boy more comfortable with the two of you.

“You mean… the prince and princess of the kingdom?!” The boy’s, Hongjoong’s, eyes widened as he realized who he was in the company of.

“That’s right! Which means you’re the safest with us!” You grinned, “Hey, how old are you, anyway? You look pretty young to me…”

“I’m… twelve years old… I think…” He trailed off, not knowing for sure what his actual age was since he never knew his parents.

Your grin widened, “Hey, that means you’re the same age as me! That’s amazing!”

“(Y/N), we need to know what to do with him before the slave traders come and find us,” Your brother reminded you, “We need to think, fast.”

“Well, can’t he just stay with us in the castle?” You frowned, not wanting to part with your new friend, “That way he won’t go back to being a slave!”

“Look at him, do you really think Mother and Father would agree to letting him stay in the castle?” You pouted, but as much as you hated to admit it, your brother had a point. With how grimy and bloody Hongjoong was, there was no way your parents wouldn’t turn him away at an instant. Just as you were about to speak up again, you could hear the slave traders beginning to catch up.

“Quick, no time to talk, let’s go!” You grabbed onto Hongjoong’s hand again and ran, your brother following close behind. You made it to the docks, where you could see a ship loading it’s cargo and saw an opportunity. “Hongjoong, go on that boat! Hide in a barrel or something, but make sure you get on that ship, alright? It’s your best chance to escape!”

“But, what about you two?” Hongjoong asked, uncertain about the situation, “What will you do?”

“Don’t worry about us, we have guards looking for us,” You assured, “We’ll be fine, just have to deal with a bigger punishment from our mother than usual, is all. You’re what matters here, Hongjoong, if you don’t go now, you might not have another chance! Now go!”

He made his way to sneak onto the ship, but turned back to face you again, “Will we meet again?”

You smiled, glad to know he wanted to see you again, “I’m sure that someday, we will. Now, go on then! Be free!” He nodded quickly, giving you a smile in thanks, before he rushed out into the cargo hold and hid from view. Just then, you heard the slave traders catch up behind you, clearly out of breath.

“There they are!” One called out, “Where’s the merchandise?”

“You’re too late!” You provoked, “He’s long gone from here. Now you can’t ever hurt him ever again!”

“Why you rotten little…” The man tried to march towards you, but stopped at your brother’s words.

“Ah, ah, you wouldn’t want to hurt the prince and princess of the kingdom, would you? Especially not with the guards right behind you?” Turning around, the slave traders did indeed find the guards that were looking for you both behind them, looking none too pleased at the situation they were looking at.

The wind blew as you grinned. It seemed like karma really did exist after all. But oddly enough, it seemed like you were already forgetting what you were so happy about…

Your mother slapped you across the face, the impact making you land heavily on the tiled ground. You didn’t look up, refusing to meet your eyes as you touched your stinging cheek, your brother standing right behind you.

“Do you have any idea what you’ve done?! Not only did you sneak away from your guards, you caused a scene in the middle of the square, right in front of everyone, and even dragged your poor brother into it with you! Do you know how much shame this brings both us and him?! You stupid, stupid child!” Your mother continued to yell, hurling insults as you stayed on the floor.

“I just…” You spoke softly, trying to remember what you had done in the first place.

“Just what? What explanation could you possibly have?!”

“I-I don’t remember.” You looked away again, knowing you just made things worse.

Your mother scoffed, “You don’t remember? How could you not remember what just happened today? Horrible child, and it’s a question of why (B/N) will be the one in charge?”

“Well, then tell me!” You raised your voice unexpectedly, “Tell me what it was that was so terrible, that it makes me a horrible child!”

“I- Well-!” It was clear that your mother either wasn’t expecting that response, but it only infuriated her more, “Idiotic girl, you should know what it was! I shouldn’t have to tell you of your own wrongdoings!” It was clear that she didn’t know either, but you didn’t notice at the time.

“Why not, it’s never stopped you before!” You fought back, clearly having had enough of this treatment.

“Enough!” Your father spoke up, having watched the whole ordeal, “(Y/N), you’re not to step foot outside of these castle walls, do you understand me? Clearly you’ve proven that you can’t be trusted to go out, not even with your brother.”

“What?! But what about (B/N)?! He joined me, too!”

“(B/N) is going to be king someday, he needs to be out in the town for the people to know and trust him.”

“But that’s not fair!” You argued, close to tears at this point. “You always treat him better than me! We’re both just as guilty of the same thing!”

“That’s enough, (Y/N)! My word is final!” Your father shouted, “Now, go to your room while your mother and I think of a proper punishment for (B/N).” Tears welling up in your eyes, you quickly ran back to your room, slamming the doors behind you and not letting anyone else inside as you cried.

Meanwhile, with Hongjoong, he now stood in front of Eden, who had found him stowing away in the cargo hold, and was now staring down in front of him with a cold look.

“Now, let me get this straight,” The older man spoke slowly, “You are a former slave, who managed to find the courage to escape his tormentors, and stowed away on this ship to find freedom? Did you just plan on us never finding out?”

“I… admit I wasn’t thinking much at the time…” Hongjoong answered softly, keeping his head down. In truth, he couldn’t quite remember what had happened or what he’d been thinking, but that was the best explanation that he could come up with.

“No, clearly not,” Eden drawled, “And what were you planning to do once we reached land? You really did not think anything through, did you?”

Hongjoong stayed silent, knowing he was right.

Eden stared at the boy, thinking, before he sighed, “As much as my entire being hates to admit this, I must say you do have courage if your story is true. And I can’t in good conscience let you out on your own when you don’t have a clue on how the world works, especially not with you being so young. So, I propose this: you become one of my pirate’s crew, and you’ll have food, drink, and safety for as long as you stay. If you choose to leave later, that’s fine, but for now, I’d say it’s in your best interest to agree. So?”

Hongjoong didn’t even need to think twice about it, looking Eden directly in the eyes, “I’ll do it. I’ll become a pirate.”

“Very well,” Eden nodded, “I’ll teach you everything you need to know myself, but it won’t be easy, got it? If you’re going to stay on this ship, you’re going to pull your weight, understand me?”

“Yes, sir!” Hongjoong instantly replied.

“Good, then from now on, I am your captain, and you will refer to me as such,” Eden declared, “Welcome to the crew, Kim Hongjoong.”

Opening your eyes, you were shocked as you saw Maddox in front of you again. Looking around to regain your bearings, you could see the rest of the crew and Eden, watching you both with rapt attention. You turned to Hongjoong to see him in much the same state you were, shocked and dazed.

“That was…” You trailed off, not sure where to start.

“The two of you were always destined to meet, but that would’ve been too soon,” Maddox explained, “Had I not intervened, things could’ve turned out for the worst. But, I knew that one day the two of you would meet again, so I took your memories so I could return them now, in this moment.”

“I…” Hongjoong still seemed a bit dazed, but he quickly shook it off, “We can’t focus on that right now. Maddox, we’re about to go to war, and we need some help. Are you sure there isn’t any way for you to help us?”

“I cannot,” Maddox confirmed, “But there is someone who can.” He turned his head to Elysian, who seemed confused.

“Me?” He questioned, “Why me?”

“I created Elysian, which means he has abilities similar to my own, albeit weaker, and can travel away from the island. Furthermore, due to him being my creation, he has no obligation to keep fate in line, nor does he know what will happen unless I tell him, so he’s the perfect person to bring along with you. I can’t say that you’ll win, but I can say that he’ll be a big help,” Maddox explained.

You walked up to Elysian, “Will you help? We need every person we can get right now.”

He smiled gently at you, “It’s because of you I was given a name and given a purpose. Of course I’ll help you in your time of need. It’s not even a question.”

“Thank you,” You sighed with relief, “And thank you, Maddox, for showing us the truth. Even if I’m not fond of the fact you stole our memories in the first place, I at least understand why.”

“Thank you for that, at least,” He responded, “I wish you all the best of luck. May we meet again soon.”

It was late at night as you were on the deck, practicing your sword training. You figured that with a war on the horizon, it was best to make sure you brushed up on all your skills, even the weaker ones. You were sure you were alone, until you heard a familiar voice come from behind you.

“How is it that you’re never asleep when you’re supposed to be?” Hongjoong smiled at you, watching you practice.

You stopped and laughed, answering, “I could say the same thing to you, captain. What do you need?”

He was silent for a minute before he spoke up, “Care to talk a walk around the ship with me? I find there’s a lot on my mind… A lot I need to get out.”

“Of course, no problem,” You replied, sheathing your sword, “Let’s go.” The two of you walked slowly, silence filling the air aside from the waves hitting the hull of the ship.

Finally, Hongjoong spoke up, “That… was a lot we learned today, wasn’t it?”

“It was,” You agreed, “But it was as we expected. I helped you escape onto Eden’s ship.”

“(Y/N), you saved my life,” Hongjoong spoke blatantly, but with clear emotion, “I surely would’ve been killed had you not interfered. I know Maddox says we were never meant to have met there, but now that I know, I can’t imagine things having turned out another way. I owe my life to you.”

“You don’t owe me anything, Hongjoong,” You shook your head, “You saved my life back at that auction, as far as I’m concerned, we’re even. You don’t need to give me anything, least of all your life.”

“What if I want to give you something else?” Hongjoong asked, “Not my life, but something close to it?”

“Like what?” You asked, confused as to where he was headed.

“Like my heart.” At those words, you stopped in place and looked at him, seemingly paralyzed at what he just told you.

It felt like time froze still for a moment before you could finally find your voice and say, “What?”

“(Y/N), I don’t think I need to tell you that you’ve become very important to me in the time that you’ve been on this ship,” Hongjoong began, “Of course, all my crew members are important to me, but with you, it’s beyond that. For a long while now, you’ve been the most important person in my life, and now with my memories returned to me… It’s clear. You were always the most important person in my life, you who saved my life, it has always been you. From the moment we first met eyes at the auction, to when we finally faced Elias Sweet and dealt with him for good, to even just recently with Reeves, you were the person I was fighting for the most. I fell in love with you, so deeply, and I can’t afford to hide it any longer.”

“I- But why now?” You asked, trying to regain your bearings, “We’re about to go to war, why would you tell me this now?!”

“Because, if there’s anything those memories taught me, it’s that we are meant to be together,” Hongjoong affirmed, taking your hands in his, “There’s no logical reason to believe that we would’ve met ever again after I got on that ship, but here we are now. There were so many times where things could’ve gone wrong, but they didn’t. Maybe it was Maddox’s doing, maybe it was fate, I don’t care, because I know now that we can make it through this. We’ll survive this war, because the two of us are together, and once we’re together, we can do anything. I believe in us, do you?” By now, you were crying due to the overwhelming emotions.

“Of course I do!” You cried out, holding onto Hongjoong’s hands tightly, “Hongjoong, I love you so much! I just- I just!” You didn’t know what else to say, and good thing too, because Hongjoong took that moment to grab your face with one hand and kiss you deeply, the other hand trailing behind your back to pull you closer. You kissed him back with the same intensity, your arms wrapping around his neck as you pressed your bodies together. The two of you broke apart for air only to kiss again, and again as they only grew more passionate.

Eventually, Hongjoong rested his forehead on yours, whispering, “Stay with me tonight, in my quarters. Please.” You could tell what he meant by that request in his eyes, and you felt your body grow hotter at the thought.

Even so, you still nodded and agreed, whispering back, “I will.” Not wasting a single second, he picked you up in his arms and carried you to his quarters, kicking the door closed behind him.

What happened the rest of that night was between you and him.

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