#it makes me so upset how many ppl

[majoringinsarcasm]

“I hate people who mindlessly praise RWBY and deny any of its awful writing choices”

I have no idea what circles you’re in that have people like this. I won’t deny they exist bc I’m certain they do, but I’ve seen so many ppl who love RWBY with all their hearts talk about multiple things across the volumes they didn’t like or wish had happens differently or where a scene was weak or where the pacing was off. Especially after people politely explained issues they had with V9 while still throughly enjoying the volume as a whole.

Again I’m not denying the existence of mindless praise but I have to ask WHO you’re coming across who In Earnest and not as a joke say the show is 100% Perfect For Real. Bc in the 10 years I’ve been watching the show I have not seen those people. Which maybe means I’m lucky?

But I feel like RWBY specially gets so much hate and shade and ppl talk about “bad writing” every other episode for the past six volumes like. Bruh if it’s THAT bad HOW are you still watching? There’s thinking it’s bad and hoping it’ll get better and then there’s hate watching and being confused why people seem to love a thing you hate and that doesn’t sound fun At All

#rwby #when the show ends SO many ppl are gonna make SO many videos about how it’s awful and how could it last so long #and I know objectively bad and boring shows can last really long times #but the happiness and hype so many ppl have when we get new news about it #also even if it IS a bad show which I disagree with #ppl can like bad shows I’m sorry you don’t like it or no longer like it I really am #but ppl are allowed to praise the good parts #not every fan wants to dwell on the parts they are upset with that doesn’t mean they are ignoring them #if you can sit through a 45 minute video where sownonw ONLY talks about the bad parts good for you #I’m here for the fun and the magic and the joy I can analyze on my own what didn’t work for me #not posting it online doesn’t mean I don’t think it and not seeing any hate doesn’t mean ppl think it’s perfect plz relax it’s been Years #at this point just watch sownthing else if after all this time you still don’t like it or can’t get back into it

[bunnihearted]

🧸🧃⛈️

#so like late last night i started to get rlly panicky nd upset #bc it's v much looking like im gnna fail my english class. i need to be done next wednesday which means i need to work rlly hard #nd go to school extra to have a presentation nd do tests etc etc #nd im still in pain after surgery nd im rlly depressed bc of my physical health so i just dont think i can be strong nd make it this time #in my almost breakdown i wrote a self referral to the clinic/psych department for personality disorders.... #it usually takes them around 2 days to answer you but this time at like 8am they sent me a message AND called me #(i think. im not certain it's them bc i havent checked the voice message or the reply lmaooo. but it should be them) #the thing abt having avpd is now im immediately stressed af nd i regret sending it. i donr wanna check their reply #also it might be bc i wrote a lot abt killing myseld etc etc nd now im worried theyre gnna be like girlie get checked in!!!! lol T-T #i just needed to be very clear nd act frsutrted nd desperate bc i have never gotten treatment in 10yrs nd im TIRED!!!! #my initial reaction is to avoid at all costs nd just pull my covers above my head nd pretend like i dont have to check their reply lol #i dont wannaaaaaa. i take it back i dont want help!!! its fine i dont wanna try or work hard let me rot #why did i do this!!!!! fml. anyway... i'll check later today bc since its early i can still use the excuse of sleepinf thru the days #many ppl working w mentally ill ppl understand that it's normal actually to switch the day around nd sleep during the days sksksk #but also i have no idea how many typos r in here bc im not wearing my glasses whoopsie #yeah.. anyway im gonna try to go back to sleep nd not think abt it #hopefully it wasnt even them calling 🤡 i know i HAVE to check later but not now i can take a few hours #then today i need to figure out if im gnna make one last attempt w my eng class or give up idk what to do

[enden-k]

im sorry to hear people are stomping all over your boundaries, big props to you for sticking up for yourself and putting your foot down. I hope you're doing ok (/gen)

on another, hopefully happier note, i noticed your info post mentions that you self ship! I'd love to hear about your favourite self ships if you're comfortable talking about them some time?

i actually never did or had interest in this but then haitham waltzed in so hes the first and only one (this whole thing flusters me so its smth i indulge in for myself in private by reading or daydreaming or sometimes i babble and ramble about him very in depth)

(most hkvthm things i draw is just me going 'wish that was me' and drawing it LMFAO)

ohh also same w kaveh but in a slightly different way than haitham (theyre both the only ones) i want them to hold hands. i want them to hold my hands. there

#i dont feel attraction to ppl irl mostly bc im just not comfortable around ppl #and the ones i am are my friends and theres obv no romantic attraction #so when i saw haitham and learned more and mroe of him and how he and i share so many traits and ideas and things it was #instant comfort and the feeling of being understood #that its like #if he was real i would seek out his warmth and presence instead of getting away frm it like with my ex partners when it was too much for me #knowing that he would understand me therefore knowing how to handle me without making me uncomfortable or upset #uhh so basically. he made me realize all i want is just someone who perfetly understands me and knows how to treat me #when to come close and when to give me space #perfectly knowing me and reading me #i cant speak and in the rare moments i am able to im often struggling to form my thoughts into sentences that make sense #so he would still understand and put together that garbled mess and know exactly what i mean #not misunderstanding and acusing me of things or tones i never said or used #ppl and things messed me up quite a bit in the past that im having trouble w lots of things unless im alone #only when im alone i feel truly comfortable and safe bc nothing can hurt or upset me but even then you kinda realize in some moments that #you actually want someone with you but it has to be smn you trust and who knows you inside out and all that #i dont have anyone like that and idk if i ever will but rn this character is jsut rotating in my head giving me these things i crave and #thats enough #sorry that was a lot of gay rambling there but yea idk if it sounds stupid or nah but my #mental health issues got way better and balanced ever since haitham so he really #grounds me and gives me strength and comfort to deal with things i would have be unable to do in the past year #bc even if i dont have smn who truly knows and understands me #inside me there is someone #reply #tags tbd #in case i get embarrassed LMFAO

[hauntedtotem]

I think the biggest red flag for me regarding the hopelesspeaches and lio convoy stuff, their entire group (especially lio) has near identical speech patterns and dynamics as my mom's online friend group. Which is less of a red flag and more of a raging wildfire tbh

#I listened to all the calls when they 'leaked' but I didn't know they were leaks I thought lio posted that stuff proudly #I didn't know that they weren't meant to be seen by the public until just now lol #Anyways I'm pleasantly surprised people are talking about how fucked up they were #Bc tbh when I was like 'oh this makes peaches (and everyone else) look like a bitch kinda' the first time I heard the calls- #I thought I was maybe being too judgey or sensitive or something? #But now everyone else is like 'yeah they are all being bitches actually' im like. Oh! So I understood right and wasn't just overreacting #Mostly bc lio was ranting about being a conservative Christian and weird 'nuclear family values' on one call and my immediate thought was #'oh gross Im too biased against this man to be able to look at this- #-discussion objectively. I'm gonna think he sucks regardless of the situation and therefore idk lf im a fair judge ?' #So it's cool to get confirmation from other ppl saying 'oh no ur right he sucks and here's why' #this is the 2nd time this week I got 'no youre not just overreacting. Other ppl are upset too' validation abt a topic. cool #//shade #I'm sure there's plenty of found family groups online that are great but so many of the ones i hear abt feel like a cult imo #My mom is in a group where this dude calls her and other women there his daughters like lio does to peaches and it feels gross to me idk #Ik everyone craves found family connections but. Idkk it feels weird to be taking that in a literal sense and calling them dad/my daughter #Feels like introducing unnecessary power dynamics. #Theres a difference between 'oh this person is like family to me because we're so close' #vs 'oh i am adopting this person and assuming a parental position over them'. that sounds unhealthy I think ? #Edit I just found out lio posted a response but it's midnight and I have a date tomorrow I'm not watching that rn lol #imo both him and peaches are bad and idc if one is worse than the other or whatever. #Peaches has been two faced for a while; lio might've taken advantage of her bc he's kinda creepy. They're both saying the other abused them #This is like jade and julian talking shit about each other to me. Idc guys I hate both of u srry <3 #Iykyk

[235uranium]

back from the barbie movie and I certainly have Thoughts on what the movie was doing but overall I do think it's worth seeing! it's fun

#☢️.txt #spoilers in tags! #i think what they did with ken is actually really fascinating and while i do get why the movie doesnt focus on his motivations #or the fantasy politics of barbieland #i AM personally interested in them #like his frustration is coming from a legitimate place and the movie does acknowledge that both barbie (margot) and the barbies overall were #Not In The Right and its not the actual solution to the issue of feminism #in the same way that the movie acknowledged that barbie didnt solve feminism and in many cases ended up playing into #the very ideas that prevent women from pursuing the jobs barbie is often shown in #im sure ppl will critique the movie for not going far enough but like. i dont think their point was to make a massive statement? #so much as it was to make a campy blockbuster that gently acknowledges the ways people can so often feel left out #its not the feminist piece of a generation so much as it is a love letter to barbie that acknowledges how shes #an inherently flawed consumerist brand. but one thats deeply cherished by generations and has left a massive pink stamp on our culture #(its probably worth noting that i have generally positive memories of barbie) #(despite being a weird fat kid i never personally felt alienated by barbie and my memories are extremely fond) #(i didnt like baby dolls bc. i never have liked kids but barbie was a fantasy in sparkly dresses) #(she was married to my dinosaur toys. ive always known what im about yes) #my favorite barbies were swan lake a halloween witch barbie and a halloween ghost barbie #(also idk is this an autistic thing for me to only learn most young girls compared their bodies to barbie at like 14?) #(like it just never dawned on me to compare my looks to a toy tbqh. i was more upset by the actual lack of clothing in my size)

[ronanlynchbf]

hell day today and i'm only two hours into my EIGHT HOUR SHIFT

#9 to 5 by dolly parton starts playing in the background.. #literally had to open up shop alone 2day and also was entirely alone for the first 45 min. of my shift so that was already a negative start #to the day + i heard that i can't have my break later than two thirty which is very bad for me bc 1) there'll be a lot of ppl all around me #when i'm eating which i already dislike and 2) like 85% of ppl taking their break around that time are VERY noisy eaters so even worse and #then 3) it'll be really loud in the room as well bc everyone's talking loudly and eating and the cutlery's clanging against plates and such #and also some ppl have actual full-blown arguments with each other in the break room bc half the ppl here hate each other's guts so more #negatives to the day and then on top of that we've had sooooo many annoying customers already today who r just. intent on making u stressed #out and upset and literally will tell u to your face to 'do your job better' like bro...i can easily tell you haven't worked in retail.... #also someone hung their clothes on the rack outside the fitting rooms which is where u hang ur clothes when you're DONE fitting them & don' #want them bc they don't fit or don't sit right or u just don't rlly like them after all so if clothes are hanging there we the ppl working #there WILL take them and hang them back in their original places what did u expect to happen?? anyway someone hung the clothes they had #tried on already and did want there and i reached out to take them bc like. that's what we do here..we hang the clothes on the 'discard #rack' back in the store bc else the rack gets stuffed and the woman literally grabbed my arm and said 'those are mine what do u think you'r #doing' LIKE?????? GIRL THE RACK'S THERE FOR A REASONNNN ofc i'm going to assume u don't want them anymore if they're hanging there that's #why it's called the DISCARD rack....also how am i to know those specific clothes are yours HONESTLYYYYYY STFU AND GET OFF ME #ALSO some dude was like (to his child but like. looking at me while he said it.) 'this guy needs a haircut doesn't he' bc my hair is kinda #long and apparently i passed today. LIKE 1st of all kind of a rude thing to say to a stranger innit 2nd of all setting a great example to #your child there just casually commenting on other ppl's looks like that👍 3rd of all jokes on you you wouldn't consider me a guy if #you Knew most likely. thanks for that little zing of glee much obliged <3 but also man just piss off will you. 4th of all my hair isn't eve #that long....like the ends of it are just shy of my shoulders wdym LONG if u knew the long-haired guys i know you'd faint. #anyway. great start of the day. i still have six more hours to go 🥴 #ALSO no surprise this always happens but my legs already hurt SOOOOOOOO BADDDDDD :((((((((((( #r.txt

[seventh-district]

.

#Seven’s Public Diary #vent post #cw vent post #vent #cw vent #wound mention #sighs deeply #had to take my shirt off for someone recently for medical reasons and while 'oh you poor thing..' is far from the worst response ive gotten #it's definitely still strange to hear. like i'm not rlly surprised‚ i am aware that i'm an upsetting sight #and i keep myself covered all the time to avoid upsetting people that can't handle the sight of marred skin #but i've grown so comfortable in my body over all these years that an interesting side effect of that is that i tend to forget #just how shocked and upset and worried ppl tend to get when they see me. it's almost funny. the sad kind of funny i guess #guess i'd rather laugh than dwell on the knowledge that i'm a set of walking trigger warnings that must be censored #anyways. that experience combined with the stressful and tiring process of tending to a wound on my back for the last 2 weeks #has me thinking about Ch. 5 of AEIWNF. for... reasons. so maybe i'll finally make myself draft and post that today #there's so many things i need to make myself do but the appeal of just sitting alone weaving bracelets and binge-listening to TMA is strong #the urge to be alone and craft things while listening to stories told through a lo-fi medium... where does it come from #that's a rhetorical question i know exactly where it came from. i'm just turning into both of my grandmothers lmao #what's the line. 'i've got my grandmother's veins in the back of my hands' what's that from. it's a Wonder Years song right #Hoodie Weather!!! yeah that's it. man i haven't listened to that in ages. maybe that'll be today's weather report #anyways. what else can i vent about. uhh. it's getting harder and harder to put my thoughts into words and that's concerning! #i'm fighting the desire to push everyone away again even though it feels like i should. i'm too toxic of a person #like. talk to any of the people that have ghosted/blocked me and they'll likely tell you to stop wasting your time on me lmao #and they'd probably be right. i'm so caught up in my own issues that i feel bad for anyone that tries to be friendly to me #everyone gets sick of my shit eventually. i'm overbearing and self-centered or you don't hear from me for months. there's no inbetween #i wish there was. god i wish there was #i'm never active on here anymore bc i feel like if i am then that's disrespectful to everyone waiting to hear back from me #but it's so much easier for me to post and reblog stuff than it is to talk one on one with literally anyone #it's not even social anxiety atp there's just something wrong with my brain. like not to self diagnose but Something's Wrong #okay that's enough whining. gonna go try to do something productive to make myself feel less useless

[redysetdare]

I think what bothers me so much about theorizing within fandoms is that so much of fandoms try to use confirmation bias when proving their theories. Instead of shaping theories and creating new ones around given evidence they will try to warp the evidence to fit their theories. people become so attached to the belief that their theory is the right theory that they will outright ignore evidence that contradicts it or try and warp it to fit their theory instead of just...accepting that maybe they were wrong and coming up with a different theory.

not saying that this happens all the time with every theory but it is very common for a theory within fandom to reach such popularity that people would rather force it to be right than admit that evidence contradicts it.

the thing is that no one even says ppl have to completely ditch the theory once it is disproved. it can still be a fun idea to play around with as a "what if" scenario, so the fact ppl try to push so desperately for their theories to be right is wild. your theory doesn't have to be right that's not what theorizing is about. it's about using evidence in an attempt to predict foreshadowing for plot points within a media. It's the fun of putting together the puzzle pieces that the showrunners left behind. your theory doesn't have to be right, you just have to have fun speculating :P

#text #idk i just find this to be a common situation within fandoms #and it can make it hard to actually talk about speculation with ppl #because the moment you bring up evidence that contradicts a theory ppl get upset and try to warp the evidence to fit their theory #instead of starting a conversation about how this evidence could change how we view a story and create a new theory out of it #idk it's frustrating to me as someone who likes to explore multiple avenues that a story could be trying to point us in #because so many ppl seem set on there being one true theory #and you trying to bring up inconsistencies means that your ruining ppls fun #i think that when it comes to making a theory u just gotta accept that you could be 100% wrong and thats ok #tbh this isnt abt any specific fandom I've been in a lot of fandoms with theorizing #sorry if this post is all over the place im very tired

[yuribalisms]

In the quest for my INCREDIBLY “difficult” accommodation of wearing headphones at work to prevent sensory overloads, my gm finally got back to me about it almost a month later just to give me a number to call in the home office because “no one else in the company has ever asked for this and they need more information before they come to a conclusion about whether it’s a reasonable accommodation” like guys I already gave you my official diagnosis information and got the letter written by the professional in charge of my treatment AND said letter had all of her contact info if you had any more questions can we please fucking stop with this whole song and dance routine this accommodation is literally a non action from you ppl all you have to do is NOT yell at me for having headphones in I’m so fucking tired this is so fucking ridiculous time to go use my break to grovel to some hr person on the phone and explain that sensory issues are in fact a real thing experienced by many ppl of many demographics and not just white 9yo autistic boys

#this is so. fucking stupid #like I’m genuinely angry over how many hoops I have to jump through for this #and it makes me so upset on behalf of ppl who need more intensive accommodations for various disabilities and conditions #because if they are giving me this much of a run around over THIS #I cannot even imagine the hoops they make anyone else jump through like oh my GOD #kaz rambles

[cosmojjong]

gloomy thoughts :(

#debating whether i should retire myself in a bubble for the next two days and cry abt how much i hate time passing #or whether i should be around ppl and talk to friends and not isolate myself #it's been so long and i still have not found a healthy way for myself to wander over this grief #i just don't think i have ever dealt with it healthily and i tend to beat myself up for it too #i've been doing and i do my very best to comfort the friends around me and somehow it is helps even just a little #but i can't do the same for myself #i miss jonghyun a lot every single day and i wonder to which extent it's okay for me to feel this way #sometimes i wonder if i seriously need help and if this is acceptable #i don't know there are many thoughts in my head and i get the feeling that when i managed to get an idea of how big this grief is #it just starts expanding again #it feels like it's never-ending #for the most part i try to make the best out of each day and i am extremely grateful for jonghyun #i'm thankful for everything he did that i can resonate with and for the sensations and feelings i'm able to perceive #i'm thankful that he has been such a big part of my life sometimes even in making wise decisions for my path #i think one of the things that stings most is that i always carry a bit of regret with me #it follows me like a shadow #i have regrets for things i couldn't even control #it makes me quite upset that i sometimes cannot compromise between the good past things and the sad cruel reality of things #and sometimes i'm afraid i may actually never get over this #and it's not that it's unhealthy as in 'this is everything my life is about' #i still try to move forward with my life but there's so much on my plate #and then i think of how i'll never see his face or hear his voice again and it makes me so upset in ways i can't explain #there is so much weight you have to carry in order to move forward when you feel like you can't #it all just isn't fair no matter how much time passes #i'll always feel very conflicted and overwhelmed about it #and this is what i want to work on #but it is not easy #ik i sound literally delusional rn or maybe i do not #who knows

[sunnydice]

man.

#i had this whole post ive been trying to formulate for so so long. abt my issues w ceewilbur and ccwilburisms and #to clarify i do like cwilb he is one of my faves. ik it may seem i wanna bite his arm off smtimes and i Do but #its mostly bitterness directed to the stuff Around him if that makes sense. yk the response to lots abt him #the way the overcompensation abt how he can be villanized swinging into a state where he Cant and never Did and wrong and if you critique #or acknowledge it you get snipped at and demeaned and treated like its a targeted hit on the mentally ill when its like #a mild disagreement with one of the most popular characters in the fanbase Easily #and w cc wil i do think he is just sm guy. im sure he's a nice dude idrc abt the ccs usually but he seems alright enough even tho he has v #goofy ahh takes and opinions but that doesnt make you Evil #but when i dive into what really has made me feel so alienated and snippy its. llmao its the racism yeah lol its super very much the racism #its very very prevelent and very common and very unchallenged. and it like. upsets me so bad its why i keep bailing on making my actual #full detailed post abt it. cuz everytime i try to formulate my thoughts i just get upset and frustrated i wanna rip my hair out #its hard not to feel like im talking to a wall when its so common and unchecked and. ive seen rightful critiques of these spaces and how #ppl interact with them Openly Mocked and brushed aside and treated like 'petty sensative internet drama' that ppl need to 'just get over' #sorry man im a fucking 🇲🇽 i cant exactly log off and Stop Experiencing Racism. and sorry that me feeling alienated and tired and sad abt #it is an inconvenience for you llol #and like idk. im not upset w anyone in particular this isnt a call out post or vague who give a shit and. #eh maybe im stupid but i really really believe a lot of ppl arent doing it on purpose #its just bein parroted ik i get it but #am i rlly not allowed to be tired? why should it feel like my responsibility to hold ppls hand and go hey mb treat poc and darker skinned #ppl like ppl. maybe you should examine why you need so many things made palatable to you through conventionally attractive whiteness first #idk. idk!!! am i crazy who fucking knows #but it has been weighing on me stupid style so bad #the shrinking fanbase and primarily yk common stragglers has just. rlly felt like a magnifying glass to my already existing issues abt it #idk man. idk im tired and im at work its 100°+ and my head hurts so this is all yr getting. lea me alone #and again this isnt a vague who Cares. just wanted to get it off my chest finally #huri.txt #discourse #<- ig

[diabeticgirl4]

"You know I'm in love with you, right?" Oh jeez it's just as (if not more) weird and awkward as it was in canon

#maddie liveblogs tlovm #vax's face when keyleth goes all 'WAIT WHAT NOW??' on him lmao. yeah that's the regret setting in lmao. #but like. ok. gonna get long and ranty in the tags here. #I mean vax has always been subtle (but not overly so!) w his flirting at the start #all I rly remember offhand is him picking flowers specifically for keyleth and being like... huh..... #note!! I am aro and autistic and generally oblivious to anything romantic in nature!! #so yeah if I were keyleth in canon and vax told me that I'd still be thrown off and surprised but. at least there were hints of it. #in the show?? none of that lol #he's been hanging around her closely and being protective/admiring/etc of her I guess? #but that can be vague and interpreted so many ways #so (in the show) for him to be all 'you know that right? ;)' like????? uhh????? not rly no???? #devil's advocate his vague affection and flirting and ust could've been happening offscreen. which is dumb btw. #also I forgot about the ust. yes ok there's been a Lot of ust onscreen- #-but I hate w a passion ust in general? how momentary awkward silence between 2 ppl automatically means pining??? frick that #the only reason I'm not more upset about them is bc vax has a heart of gold and Respects keyleth and her boundaries w all his being #vaxleth is a weird ship that kinda goes against so many other ships bc it kinda naturally develops like irl couples?? #idk how to explain bc like. it's slowburn but feels natural in the way most slowburns don't #it's a ship that focuses on the individuals' development and character not the romance itself??? if that makes sense???? #I'm going off the rails as per usual but. yeah. I have a lot of weird thoughts about that.

[upsidedowngrass]

DEVASTATED. bunch of my tags on that texty post got cut off . meaning it doesnt have ALL of what i said

#not gonna adjust it bc it works as is #and tbh . maybe for the better #look . ik the 'i love being a hater' stuff is more common now and i think its GOOD ppl are allowing themselves to dislike stuff #bc thats good!!! self expression is GOOD #but i myself dont wanna do that Personally! #just not my style of things #but id be lying if i said there. ARENT things i go -_- at #and i didnt get fully into that in those tags! just briefly alluded #but also the idea of pissing off more. strict osc members is daunting #i DO have more Stubborn and Angry ideas but those are ONLY unveiled in private #or when i dont think itll possibly piss people off #mostly bc of like. subjectivity and personal stuff! not many peoples business yknow :) #and also i generally just try to curate an environment thatll make people MORE happy #or if itll be upsetting its bc its artistic . you know how it is #im getting off track. hopefully this post makes sense! #(also i CAN tell what the tags were originally abt if asked if so desired but otherwise. #it stays between me and my friends who are kind and listen to me ramble :D)

[furbygone]

i showed my grandma my furby collection and all she said was "what are you going to do with them? throw them away?" 😐 sometimes... people enjoy things...

#lowkey upset at how many ppl are so cruel about my love for furbies 🙃 #stuff like this makes me never want to share my interests with other ppl #negative

[berrymeter]

truly feel like those images of ppl on fire or crying or whatever captioned shit like no really its fine im not bothered etc etc but its with how distanced i feel from so many ppl

#perth.txt #i distanced myself on purpose like near exactly 2 years ago & vowed to never do it again bc of how bad it felt #& its happening again but im not even... doing it. im just not as many ppls friends as i thought i was #made much more apparent now they dont have to deal with me #genuinely going to implode this is. i need to make new friends. who are actually my friends & not a friend's friends #i feel so lonely so often lmaaaaao #though... nvm its whatever ill just sit here & cry or something #ive been so upset the whole time ive been trying to nap my jaw hurts

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#hhhhh tomorrow i have to drive to another uni to build a chamber #this morning i drove like 11min down the road and that was enough to dislodge me halfway outside my body #i just. hate driving so much. its so fucking stressful #and im also worried the chamber isnt gonna come together with what we have #and i dont wanna drive down there again #oh god. i need to chill out so i can sleep tonight #it just stresses me out so much. anytime i have to drive i just become absolutely certain that im gonna get into an accident #or that ill get distracted and cause a crash #why cant we have a working train system in this fucking country. i wanna go back to the uk. where its more manageable to not have a car #when i think abt driving my brain just sends me images of destruction #i also get it to a lesser extent when im a passenger #like i have to sit exactly as ur supposed to in a seat or else i just get horrible imaginings of my limbs being crushed or whatever #god. i just hate it so much. i have a fragile mind. i was not constructed with the mental fortitude to drive #at least i dont get so many intrusive thoughts abt like flipping rhe steering wheel anymore. bc that sucked #hopefully i dont show up in tears but usually i cry at least once when i have to drive someone #so im gonna look unhinged when i drop off all the equipment. whatever ill wear sunglasses #how is it possible some ppl enjoy driving? i dont understand. i dont want that kind of power in my hands #i dont trust myself not to get someone killed. like that's prob my ultimate fear. getting in a crash caused by my brain not being able to #focus and then i kill a happy family of 5 or something and i just have to live with it #it just makes me so upset. which is why ive been avoiding this for literally months. #ugh. whatever i have to do it. and then itll be over. as my mum would say: itll b good for me #i just have to freak out abt it for a while #unrelated