#but when i dive into what really has made me feel so alienated and snippy its. llmao its the racism yeah lol its super very much the racism

[sunnydice]

man.

#i had this whole post ive been trying to formulate for so so long. abt my issues w ceewilbur and ccwilburisms and #to clarify i do like cwilb he is one of my faves. ik it may seem i wanna bite his arm off smtimes and i Do but #its mostly bitterness directed to the stuff Around him if that makes sense. yk the response to lots abt him #the way the overcompensation abt how he can be villanized swinging into a state where he Cant and never Did and wrong and if you critique #or acknowledge it you get snipped at and demeaned and treated like its a targeted hit on the mentally ill when its like #a mild disagreement with one of the most popular characters in the fanbase Easily #and w cc wil i do think he is just sm guy. im sure he's a nice dude idrc abt the ccs usually but he seems alright enough even tho he has v #goofy ahh takes and opinions but that doesnt make you Evil #but when i dive into what really has made me feel so alienated and snippy its. llmao its the racism yeah lol its super very much the racism #its very very prevelent and very common and very unchallenged. and it like. upsets me so bad its why i keep bailing on making my actual #full detailed post abt it. cuz everytime i try to formulate my thoughts i just get upset and frustrated i wanna rip my hair out #its hard not to feel like im talking to a wall when its so common and unchecked and. ive seen rightful critiques of these spaces and how #ppl interact with them Openly Mocked and brushed aside and treated like 'petty sensative internet drama' that ppl need to 'just get over' #sorry man im a fucking 🇲🇽 i cant exactly log off and Stop Experiencing Racism. and sorry that me feeling alienated and tired and sad abt #it is an inconvenience for you llol #and like idk. im not upset w anyone in particular this isnt a call out post or vague who give a shit and. #eh maybe im stupid but i really really believe a lot of ppl arent doing it on purpose #its just bein parroted ik i get it but #am i rlly not allowed to be tired? why should it feel like my responsibility to hold ppls hand and go hey mb treat poc and darker skinned #ppl like ppl. maybe you should examine why you need so many things made palatable to you through conventionally attractive whiteness first #idk. idk!!! am i crazy who fucking knows #but it has been weighing on me stupid style so bad #the shrinking fanbase and primarily yk common stragglers has just. rlly felt like a magnifying glass to my already existing issues abt it #idk man. idk im tired and im at work its 100°+ and my head hurts so this is all yr getting. lea me alone #and again this isnt a vague who Cares. just wanted to get it off my chest finally #huri.txt #discourse #<- ig

[uozlulu]

Talk about Many Goodbyes?

This is for the Director's Cut fanfic meme, so I'm going to start this out with some info about the fic and then dive into commentary.

Many Goodbyes is a Doctor Who/Thick of It crossover fic I wrote back in 2014. It's 2,507 words, rated PG-13 for content but R for language (I put up two ratings because people can get snippy if you don't make these things clear). The summary reads, "The Doctor did not anticipate running into a former companion when using the chameleon arch to create Malcolm Tucker. Jamie MacDonald never anticipated the Doctor would return under a disguise. The reveal does not go well." I posted it to AO3 here

This post got stupid long so I'm going to insert a read more cut. I'm surprised I had this much to say about the fic.

I tried to pull in varous recurring TTOI headcanons into the fic that crop up in a lot of other fics I've had. I was also influenced by character dicussions I'd had with various people at the time. Like how Jamie seems like he probably has kids and is likely divorced and how he likely is the youngest of a large family. The idea that the little boy we see peek through the curtains at Malcolm's house in series four is actually related to Jamie is one of the various headcanons I have for who the boy is. I think that in series four Jamie's the person Malcolm mentions meeting with and that now that the stress and strain of politics isn't between them anymore in canon, they've managed to patch their friendship back up, shipping aside. I also pulled in some DW headcanons like the Doctor being a bit skittish about affection because perhaps something had gone wrong during regeneration and it hurt him physically to have others touch him (this was of course back during series eight). I mention Bearsden because historically that's where the seminary was in 1980's Scotland. I learned that researching for another fic I wrote before this one.

I decided to go with the Malcolm/Jamie pairing because I found the dynamic between them interesting. My brain just kind of kept returning to the pairing during this time period because of that and also because I would get a decent response when I wrote fics with that pairing. I wrote a lot of TTOI fic during that time period because not only did I know people would read it and give me kudos, but TTOI provided a good way for my brain to take breaks from the novel I was writing at the time. It was this vast three part world building dystopian thing full of characters who were fundamentally decent people, so when I needed a brain break from it, TTOI was a good contrast. I ended up setting that novel concept aside a couple years ago because I'd accidentally made my main villain a Trump-like figure and so I decided it was time to rethink it or at least put it off until he's out of office because it was getting too stressful to have something paraelleling reality.

Why couldn't (wouldn't?) Jamie realize Malcolm was the Doctor since Jamie traveled with the Twelfth Doctor? That is a great question I just thought of and I'm not completely sure. Then again it's not uncommon for people to have extremely similar faces but be unrelated. Also the change in personalities and levels of profanity and so forth probably lent to that. I think at the time I was running with the assumption that unless Jamie knew about it ahead of time, he would not be able to detect a chameleon arch since he's just a human.

Why was the Doctor Malcolm Tucker? I'm not completely sure anymore. He was hiding from somthing apparently. Might also have connected back to whoever Malcolm took the fall for in series four.

The reason Sam is mentioned at the end of the fic is because she's Twelve's current companion. It makes a lot of sense, they're a team, he treats her better than the others, and she seems to know exactly what he needs her to do and she does it properly (which is honeslty why I think Malcolm treats Sam as well as he does in canon because most of his frustration is from people being incompetant, which Sam is not). I mentioned the Brigadier because Jamie likely encountered him frequently since he would have been a companion from the 1980's, which means the TARDIS would have kept returning to roughly that time period frequently trying to take him home or whatnot. Jamie probalby doesn't know who's running UNIT in the 2010's.

If you have any specific questions I can answer those. This is all the self-generated things I can think of to say about this fic.

#zabbers #adventures in fic writing #my fanfics #my fanfics 2014 #my fanfic commentary