#it is indeed fucking hilarious

[vaguely-concerned]

sometimes I think of all the on-the-surface warm, well-meaning but deeply ineffectual advice and attention john gives harrow through harrow the ninth (make some soup and get some sleep! get a hobby! don't be so hard on yourself! self care harrow! as long as I need take no actual responsibility in this relationship whatsoever I would have loved to be your dad!) set up against the stark truth that with his other hand he has been staging her attempted horrific murder again and again and again like a living nightmare on the logic that it will 'put her down or fix her'. and then I find that I wish there is a hell. a special hell where twitch streamers turned necromantic death emperors go

#the locked tomb #harrowhark nonagesimus #john gaius #harrow the ninth #this is why I don't buy john as misunderstood and initially well-meaning AT ALL #this is a pattern you see with him again and again and again -- right down to his interpersonal relationships #(and indeed it's in the more grounded interpersonal relationships you can most clearly see him as he is I think #the fantasy death empire of a thousand years doesn't register quite as viscerally because it's like. heightened; not quite real #but the emotional violence and manipulation that surrounds him? oh boy that is EXTREMELY real and scarily well-observed) #there's a premeditation to so much of what he does (contracts with planets that only end 'in the event of the emperor's death' anyone? #yeah john we get it you're hilarious and I wish you weren't) #the greatest trick john ever pulled was making anyone think he's just a lil guy. what does he know he's only god #when you first read the book the complete callousness of the other adults is so horrible that john seems like an oasis of care #(though you start to get this uneasy feeling when that care never seems to translate to like... relief or soothing or resolution) #and it makes it feel almost obscene when you find out what's actually going on #it's the mercy & augustine enabler hour but at least they're completely honest in their cruelty there #while john is -- well he sure is being john huh #this is just me being angry with him btw philosophically I don't think this is how the story will or should end #(with john slam dunked right into hell that is) #it's just... harrow is so vulnerable. and what he does to her is so insidious and fucked up #john is very deeply human. unfortunately the capacity to quite simply suck so much is deeply human too

[qqueenofhades]

Going to cautiously posit that if they're moving toward calling Kentucky for Beshear (incumbent Democratic governor) in a blindingly red state Trump won by 30 points, in an off-year election, about 30 minutes after polls close statewide, that is a Good Sign.

#hilary for ts #politics for ts #still ohio and virginia to watch #but the twitter hellmachine seems confident of beshear's chances in KY #which #i mean #kentucky: home of mitch fucking mcconnell and rand paul and 30 point trump margins #i fucking hate election night it always stresses me out #and this is not remotely as bad as it will be at this time next year #but yes #maybe we can get some hard data that people do indeed continue to vote for democrats/abortion rights at overperforming levels #and get people to shut up for 2 seconds about garbage polls #i dream for far too much but yes

[cubfan-montblanc]

we almost had it all.. (tango cleo skizz team up)

#tango and skizz fail to pull any bitches except each other #imagine hoping your fave duos will team up in a series when skizztang shack up with each other every time #life series #trafficblr #life smp #secret life #life series spoilers #tangotek #zombiecleo #skizzleman #gtws #goodtimeswithscar #oh also skizz’s ripped sleeves are actually ruffled lace and tango has a pink ombre #im still hoping for team BTS but idk how much 3 middleaged dads will understand how fucking hilarious it would be to me specifically #if they named themselves that . #made heart foundation pastel boybanded coded for now in case team BTS does indeed come to pass 🤞🏼 #art tag #my art

[erinsintra]

throwback to when i was 16 and loved sailor moon and at the same time made fun of boys my age for liking dragon ball z. good times

#but sailor moon IS indeed better #i'm just not as judgemental anymore #just a little bit #usagi could beat goku fuck you fight me #fypツ #fyp #memes #tumblr fyp #explorepage #explore #funny #hilarious #fypage #foryou #meme #dumb shit #shitpost #shitposting

[dayurno]

we need to put jean moreau in a room alone with kevin, renee, and jeremy and just see what happens. i think it would be uh. im blacking ojt and nauseous and my nose is bleeding i shant say

i wish this would lead into sex i think if kevin jeremy and renee were in the same room with jean it would probably be to make an intervention of sorts........... like a parent teacher meeting because jean is on the brink of drinking dish washer again. :(

#jeremy calling on kevin and renee exactly like when ur teacher called ur parents is so fucking funny to me #i dont think he would i think he had tact and understanding and probably kept his conversations w kevin under wrap #BUT ISNT THAT HILARIOUS TO YOU. #oh jean you have so many angels looking out for you! theyre trying their best #with the tools at hand #but you are indeed the luckiest girl in the world #actually this is making me think of a nona the ninth au where jean is nona and his bob the builder brigade are cam pal and phyrra #asks #jean #renee #kevin #jeremy

[transingthoseformers]

Good afternoon!

I'm the anon who mentioned the tfa megatron x starscream x Optimus fanart and was wondering what kind of chaotic plot you would put into it?

I can only put together a skeleton of the plot:

1-It would be before starscream had a fragment of all spark in his head and, consequently, no clones

2-Heat cycle, they didn't expect optimus to appear let alone respond to it

3-Multiple Sparklings, because the three of them were like cyber bunnies

Doesn't he get the Allspark fragment quite fairly early on in the series (as in, while Megatron is still a head?), So the idea would take some ~workshopping~

I need to create a bingo card for our aus because we're always finding new circumstances to get our mecha pregnant because yes of course! A heat cycle!

As well as multipled because yes yes of course (I like to imagine the sparklings are also wayyyy little because that's adorable as fuck)

Based on what information you've provided for me, you have not specified whether it was Megatron or Starscream in heat. So I'm gonna say both, and they were arguing (among other things) when Optimus found them. Now I'm gonna go for the sort of "pusg and pull" style of dynamic for them because that's fun.

But also because that is the ultimate state for Optimus, who up until rather recently with the events of the pilot had thought the decepticons were all gone and even afterward still held that image of "fucking Big Bad Scary Decepticons who want to Kill Us All". Seeing them wrestle with their panels open arguing about how the other should be the top instead broke that facade of the infamous and nigh legendary warriors.

If anything will improve tfa autobot and decepticon relations it will be this chance occurrence

(I like to think all three parties pretended to forget about it, until. Well. Yeah. My godddddd how would they handle this. Is Optimus sneaking out at night to answer the comm for updates or what)

#I'm gonna call it the askbox au bingo card #tfa megatron #tfa optimus prime #tfa Starscream #valveplug #megop #megastar #starop #megastarop #optimus has learned more about the decepticons in the last month and it's not just the sex stuff #I'm trying to worm in a situation where this ends well for just about everyone because it's a crack au #and they deserve it #i am getting the hilarious image of Megatron and Starscream just pausing to look over at Oppy with the most ''well fuck an autobot'' #fuck an autobot indeed🥰 #megastarop au

[identitty-dickruption]

participating in the perfectly normal hobby of downloading every song and album that was nominated for an ARIA in the year 1998. to mixed results. but I will say that The Whitlams are really good and I think more music should have the degree of lyrical storytelling of these guys

#all my friends are fuck-ups but they're fun to have around. they're very fruity indeed #<- thanks! same!! #bopping so hard right now #'love is everywhere but I don't want to lean down to pick it up' also so true. so true #so far the only Fail has been the regurgitators. they're just bad #but I do think the first song of their 1998 album 'you're old stuff is better than your new stuff' is a hilarious way to launch into #a TERRIBLE album #imagine complaining about how everyone prefers your back catalogue and then going 'okay. that was nice. time to produce some more dogshit'

[lindwurmkai]

I wish I could opt out of posts telling me I am supposedly some kind of Intuitive Misogyny Understander because I "grew up as a girl" or some shit

Like get the fuck out of my house tbh

#the fact that i fundamentally don't understand women's experiences and can't even imagine what it's like to be one is kinda the whole point #my mother instilled in me a sort of rudimentary and flawed understanding of feminism but i still thought sexist comedians were hilarious #because they were all talking about not understanding women and literally telling all these stories i could relate to so much #which in retrospect was more due to being autistic than not being a girl but nevertheless it felt so good to feel seen #my entire life has revolved around being incredibly confused because i DID NOT understand girls and DID NOT have girl experiences #but i also didn't have boy experiences so i had to be some kind of fucked up freak right? #cool for you if you feel differently but don't lump me in under AFAB or transmasc and act like i'm supposed to get it #i stopped calling myself transmasc for a while because of this! but unfortunately that is indeed what i am #the whole thing leaves a disgusting taste in my mouth #weirdo chronicles

[chekovsphaser]

My mother had yet another 30-something confess his love to her and I started singing Stacy's Mom at her and she did not find that as funny as I did.

#life of dan #its fucking hilarious actually #every so often shes like #oh should i get remarried but who would even want to marry me #im so old and fat and nerdy etc etc #well apparently two separate dudes young enough to be your kids #stacys mom indeed

[thexoonder]

Curse of Strahd is all fun and ganes until your DM reveales that your PC, who was frozen in time and is a little older than Strahd himself, did indeed fuck Strahd. Multiple times. And even met his family. And all that is happening at the current time is only happening because you got married and Strahd got bitter about that.

Sorry Barovia I guess

#cos #curse of strahd #dnd campaign #dnd #Adrael did indeed fuck #wow #this is honestly hilarious #i love it

[barnbridges]

every single time i open the romanian edition and remind myself henry sounds like a pretentious 1848 french-speaking cunt who is only here to sign away the rights of slaves, i love this translation more and more.

#meta tag tba. #he sounds like a 1848 land owner <3 like he came straight from fucking #duliu zamfirescu life in the countryside #constantin stere novel protagonist motherfucker #also that's the section where bunny yells at him for calling him rabbit which is indeed hilarious every time #iconic rabbit moment

[silostosstuff]

"Go to this university, it's one of the best in the country."

Is that the reason why I'm watching three dudes repairing the windows of the library with tape?

#it is indeed a good university #but the fact that the buildings are falling apart is so fucking hilarious to me

[fraugwinska]

In reference to Going with the Times: we are getting ready to go to a club with Angel only for Alastor to intervene when he recognizes our “dancing boots”

He couldn’t let us go out dressed so scandalously modern (the horror), so he distracts us

I somehow grew fond of this pairing - so hell yeah, let's do it ;>

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Goody-Two-Shoes

The knock on the door came at the worst timing ever.

You were almost finished, one of the tight, skin-hugging black overknee boots Angel lent you on your left leg, secure and safe. The other one however put up a fight. Inch by inch you had wiggled and wormed your leg down the shaft, cursing under your breath. Your foot was almost down to the heel, but all the work and struggle with this damn fabric made you break into a sweat, resulting in even more friction to overcome.

“Ugh, come on you god-damn, stupid, fucking... COME IN!”, you stuttered, violently pulling at the top of the boots it made you lose your balance. The door opened, and while you fell you could see a very surprised looking radio demon in the door frame before your ass hit the ground and your back bumped against your dresser.

Alastor rushed to your side, reaching his hand out to your groaning figure.

“Oh, my dear, normally I sweep ladies off their feet after I enter a room.”, he joked, pulling you back up. You didn't dare to let go of his hand, still wobbly from the ill-fitting left boot and the pain in your back from the impact.

“Hilarious, Al, really nice to pull my leg like that when I'm hurtin'. Ouch...”, you grumble, rubbing your sore behind. He chuckled at your little quip but led you carefully to your bed, where you sat down, sighing. Only then did he recognize the very thing that had you in such a struggle. His brow rose, his face displaying a dangerously condescending expression.

“May I ask why you are binding yourself in these... atrosities?”

Ignoring the throbbing pain in your back, you returned to pulling the unruly shaft up your leg again.

“They... are... overknees...”, with another hard tug, your heel finally slipped through. You sighed with relief and brushed your sweaty fringe out of your face. “Angel invited me to go to a club with him and Cherri, and he lent me these!”

You stretched out your legs and tapped your heels together, grinning at him. “They look just like the ones in the photo, right?”

“Indeed.”, he said, but even though he didn't lose his smile, his eyes traveled from your heels over your legs and the seams of the boots to the bare skin of your thighs, only broken by your shimmering hot pants. “And just as outrageous.” Alastor tilted his head, eyes narrowed. “You do not intend to wear this in public, do you, darling?”

“After spending half an hour just putting those on? Of course I do.”

His disbelieving look made you laugh. It was a never-ending discussion between you two, a tug-and-pull between your sometimes vastly different opinions of modernity. You often fought with him, always in good nature, and everyone in the hotel was convinced you had a golden tongue for how often Alastor let you win these arguments.

Alastor hummed thoughtfully, brows furrowed and staring at the crushed black leather. You were already moving to stand up when his hand suddenly grabbed one of your ankles and he pulled your foot up, making you fall onto your back into your mattress.

“Hey!”

“Half an hour, you say?”, his eyes glimmered with impish mischief. “So much effort, just for the meager fun of catching the eye of a lowly, no-name sinner in a dance club? You can do so much better than that, my sweet.”

He hooked a claw under the seam of your boot, leg still up in his firm grip, and you watched with anger and confusion as he slowly pulled the fabric down. “AL! Stooooop, I'll never get them up again.”, you whined, hands reaching out to stop him but he shifted his weight, puling your leg even higher while he turned his body, kneeling – no, towering - over you. He rested your ankle between his shoulder and his cheek, eyes still fixated on you as his other hand joined the already working hand in his efforts to get you out of the tight sleve of your shoe. It looked.... sinful almost, oddly hot, and the way his eyes burned into yours made you 1. shut up and 2. flush in deepest magenta.

“Why searching for the companionship of strangers, dressed in such a mundane way, when one could keep the company of a dear friend who doesn't care about what you'll wear?”

He gripped the heel and pulled the loosened sleeve off in one, swift motion. You gulped, the atmosphere had shifted to something other than playful banter. He seemed almost seductive, the way his voice lost most of his standard radio filter, reducing into a dark whisper.

“I.. um.. “, you said eloquently when a sudden, loud “HOLY SHIT!” made both of your heads turn. Angel looked like he'd just seen a naked, tap dancing James Dean, he was beet-red (likely rivaling your own color), dressed up to the nines in fur and latex and his mouth stood wide agape.

“Y-You know what, toots, I, um, You... fuck, yeah, you'll take a rain check, seems like you are otherwise... Yeah. See 'ya!”, the spider stuttered, completely floored at this display, backing out slowly and slamming the door shut.

You covered your face with your hands – tomorrow the whole hotel will know about this.

“I guess I won't go out tonight.”, you mumble, embarassed. You tried to sit up, but Alastors sly smile didn't fade as he let your now undressed leg slide down and began to slip the other shoe off.

“Don't worry, darling, I'll make sure you'll have fun anyways.”

#hazbin hotel #hazbin alastor #alastor #hazbin hotel fanfiction #alastor x reader #quick fic #oneshot #fraugwinskawrites #add a little spice

[seat-safety-switch]

A lot of people at Home Depot are getting froggy at my comparison of them to the Third Reich. This is, of course, a media fabrication. The Nazis had easy access to working tools, and lumber that was straight. What I actually called them was “a group of useless, tin-hat fascists that can’t even stock a fucking lightswitch.”

Back when I was a kid, small hardware stores were all over the place. You could get on your bicycle and ride over to the local lumber shop, and a weird old guy would tell you what stuff to buy, occasionally implying that he was your real father. Then you’d ride home, and finish your project, happy in the knowledge that at least you could control the construction of a potato cannon or low-dimensional-stability, non-permitted birdhouse.

At some point, buoyed by the renovation-crazy era of reality television, the big hardware giants started rolling in. They’d buy out or crush all of these little hardware stores. Why would you go to two of them, they’d ask, when you can get all your stuff here, in one trip, for cheaper? This would be a great thing indeed, if I didn’t have to go to three different big-box hardware stores in order to satisfy literally any weekend project shopping list.

At least with Abnormal Ed’s House of an Unusual Amount of Paracord, you’d know what you were getting into, and if you shopped at his place a lot, he’d probably start stocking the stuff you need. With Home Depot, you’re not even a blip on their immense Excel spreadsheet of Raw Data Pure Data Good Data. With an international reach, your insane hyper-local desires (limited to your house) average out to nothing against the demands of everyone else. There’s no way you can potentially influence them to start offering something unprofitable like, say, white spray paint, or hammers that aren’t made of tinfoil, without taking hostages.

What can we do about this? Other than building a time machine and going back to save small hardware stores – which would probably require buying some parts at Home Depot, which means we’d be wasting a beautiful Saturday afternoon driving all over the city just to pick up red and black wire – the only thing we can do is convince them that an even larger, angrier, hardware store is coming to kill them.

I got the idea when I had a bunch of sparrows flying into my kitchen window. You cut out some silhouettes of bigger birds and just paste them on there. They think a bunch of giant crows are hiding behind the window, and steer clear. It took a lot of time to construct an entire elaborate replica of a hardware store megaconsortium in the empty parking lot next to the Home Depot headquarters, and it was very hard to paint the Chinese ideographs for “HILARIOUS FUN DOESN’T STOCK UNPROFITABLE ITEMS RENOVATION DEPOT” while holding on to the 60th storey of a Potemkin building made entirely out of old cardboard boxes, but I managed to pull it off. You could hear the lifetime middle managers shrieking in fear of their new competitors from blocks away, and by the time I got home, the local Home Depot had finally decided to stock both light fixtures and light bulbs.

#best of

[deadsetobsessions]

To the mf who had my house before me, if you see me on the street, turn around and run the other way. Because if I see you, know that it’s going to be on sight. Who even puts tile like that?? Anyways, I'm kind of sick, so that's why I've been kind of inactive.

But good news (ish) I got me a house! Yay! Let’s hope I can keep it. To celebrate, y’all can have this! And a few chapters! So technically this is a chapter update post?

——

Danny’s most favorite thing to do with Alfred Pennyworth is groundskeeping. While he might not be Sam, Danny could still appreciate the serenity and beauty of nature.

“Ow, fuck!”

“Master Danny, please refrain from using explicit language.”

“Sorry, Alfred. I got stabbed.”

“Oh dear. Will you be needing a bandage?”

“Nah, it’s okay. I think…” Danny hummed, peering closer at the reddish brown thorns sprouting from the ground. “That might be the rose bush?”

Alfred paused his snipping, turning around and coming closer to inspect the plant. “How peculiar. It seems to have grown a branch beneath the soil.”

In unison, Danny and Alfred lifted their heads to look at the rose bush, innocuously sitting three yards away.

“Huh. Weird.”

“Indeed.”

The door to one of Bruce Wayne’s many gardens, all opulently gothic to hide their vigilante disturbances, opened. The hinges swung without a single creak, as Alfred the butler always carried WD-40 on his person and a squeaky hinge in this mansion was an affront to his professionalism.

"Hey, guys! Whatcha doing?" Duke greeted, followed by Jason.

"Gardening! You wanna help?"

"Nah, I'm a Gothamite, not Poison Ivy, man. I don't do grass." Duke replied, plopping down on one of the lawn chairs with his drink. "But I can totally give you moral support... from over here."

Danny snorted. "What about you, Jason?"

Jason shrugged. "Sure, what are we doing?"

"There's a rose bush that grew all the way over here."

"Woah, crazy."

"Indeed, Master Jason. I shall go get the shovels."

"Okay, Alfie," Jason absently agreed, focused on finding where else the rose bush had grown to. "You wanna keep the bush, right?"

"That would be preferable."

"Duke, can't-" Jason paused, throwing a quick look at Danny before visibly changing tracks. "Can't you get us some drinks?"

"Kitchen's right over there, Jason." Duke pointedly leaned back and took a sip.

Danny piped up. "I'll get it! What did you want, Jason?"

----

Two hours later, covered in all manners of dirt and blades of grass, Jason and Danny sat back to survey the messed up garden.

"You sure we can't hire Ivy to move the plant somewhere?"

"She'd just make it worse," Jason grumbled.

"You guys can do it!" Duke cheered, scrolling through his phone and cherry picking the most hilarious pictures of Jason and Danny to send to the group chat. He chose the selfie, where he was grinning into the camera as Jason fell on his ass as Danny pulled up a long section of thorns.

Duke gets nailed in the face with two clumps of grass from his disgruntled brothers.

"I believe it is time for a shower." Alfred Pennyworth smiled, content. Days like these made him glad that his grandchildren found their way back.

#dcxdp #fic update #jason todd #batman #alfred pennyworth #duke thomas #the signal #red hood #danny phantom #the groupchat is just embarrassing pics and the fam roasting the shit out of eachother

[anantaru]

𝐃𝐀𝐘 𝟗 — 𝐀𝐏𝐇𝐑𝐎𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐈𝐀𝐂𝐒

✦ kinktober day 9 — aphrodisiacs feat. dottore : scaramouche : al-haitham : childe x fem! reader | kinktober masterlist.

✦ warnings: nsfw : aphrodisiacs : !!! both parties are consenting !!! : dottore and scaramouche drug you while it's you who drugs al-haitham and childe wee woo

✦ 𝐃𝐎𝐓𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐄

dottore realized that it indeed took effect on you once he saw you squirm in your chair, tightly pushing together your legs while rubbing your hands together nervously. He's grinning at the sight, how adorable, highlighting how you didn't even think twice before grabbing the aphrodisiac in his hands will never not be hilarious to him. "are you alright, dear?" his tone was dark, feigning innocence as he lightly titled his head, as if he was thinking about something rather deeply.

"yes, of course." you're nodding your head frantically before he carefully walked towards you, getting rid of his right glove to expose his hand. "Spread your legs." you're of course, following his every wish, opening your thighs despite desperately wanting to keep them close, you needed to feel some pressure down there right now. The wetness was pooling out of you in thick spurts, who knows what dottore had given you as he carefully pushed his pointer n middle finger against your heat.

You're breathless, shuddering as you started to grind yourself against his fingers, "Oh my." he's clicking his tongue, dottore wasn't pleased with that little move, you were certain he wasn't, "might I have to remind you on what proper manners are, hm?" you would be lying if he didn't scare you, the hot air which surrounded you only getting hotter as you closed your eyes, his fingers now hooking past your waistband to collect your juices as you longed for them inside of you. Maybe if you're behaving now, he'd actually finger fuck you properly.

✦ 𝐒𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐌𝐎𝐔𝐂𝐇𝐄

the second scaramouche pushed the little pill past your plump lips was the moment you saw how his eyelids grew heavy with an almost desperate desire for you. It wasn't clear who of the both of you was more excited, you— who never tried it before and were looking forward to a new experience or scaramouche— who couldn't wait to see you become a drooling little mess only for his eyes to witness.

you were certain it started to effect you once you felt a sudden rush of lust shudder through your body, whining because of the lack of physical affection you felt as you moved towards your lover, who was laying next to you, watching you with eager eyes. You decided to advance closer, scaramouche's hands helping you straddle his body before you lowered yourself to place a quick peck on his lips. "I need you." he's swallowing down harshly upon hearing your whispery voice, nodding in response as that was indeed enough approval for you. The feeling of the drug breaking within you made him lick his lips, fingers digging into your thighs.

your mind was hazy while scaramouche's hands roamed over your body, helping you grind yourself against his growing bulge. At this rate the both of you wouldn't even be able to take off each others clothes, humping against one another like some horny lovers who didn't know any better. "please." you're huffing out, mouth agape as you looked into his mesmerizing eyes, "you're so gone." scaramouche couldn't believe how much you trusted him, laughing at your fucked out state despite him not even fucking you yet. He made sure to savour this moment forever.

✦ 𝐀𝐋-𝐇𝐀𝐈𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐌

at first, al-haitham was skeptical, like 'i don't think this will work on me darling', he was grabbing onto his pride like a madman, arrogantly taking the pill and pushing it past his lips. He didn't think anything was really up when he decided to lay down next to you, muscles tensing upon feeling the soft bedsheets around his body. Not until he actually noticed how hard he had gotten, it was incredibly painful in his pants, unbearable.

al-haitham's hands flew over his bulge, cupping it before trying to prevent himself from becoming even more miserable, how did he ever think he would be able to suppress a drug in his blood? "fuck." the curses that left past his plump lips weren't stopping, more so did you secretly enjoy them. "It seems like you need help." you're voicing towards him, displaying pseudo like innocence in front of the man as he rolled his eyes at you.

"get to it then." he spat, honestly fed up with the situation, groaning as you pushed his hand to the side to cup his growing bulge yourself. Your hands were heavy on his member, "remember to breathe." you murmured, biting down on your lower lip at the sheer sight of al-haitham's face flushing a bright shade of red. He's such a mess by the time you exposed his leaking member to the cold air of the room, fisting his cock in front of his eyes when he finally came all on your digits and the way he breathed out after that was almost comedically.

✦ 𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐋𝐃𝐄

it did happen quite often for childe to get hard in midst a make out session, sometimes sooner than later. But what he certainly did not expect, was for his cock to get almost uncomfortable hard after a few minutes of gulping down the little play you prepared for him. He truly thought he could handle it when the faintest touch on his cock had shivers run down his spine.

"fuck." he's panting, a few strands of his hair sticking on his damp forehead while the tip of his ears were shining bright red, "be careful." he's looking up to view your grin, it was almost menacing, truth be told it was mostly ajax who took the initiative to worship you during the act, but now it was finally your turn to show him just how crazy you were for him. You're holding onto his pants, dragging the zipper down before freeing his throbbing member, teasingly sliding your fingers up and down his length.

At this point childe was turning into a little mess, whining at every touch you graced him with, muffling his voice with the back of his hand without actually succeeding. "you're so different, ajax." your voice was hoarse, the big smirk on your face taking all the attention, "let me take care of you." The inaudible scream from him was the next thing you heard after taking him in your warm mouth, bobbing your head up and down with his cock throbbing around your plump lips. His release came soon after, hitting him stronger than every other climax prior to this experience and once it truly hit him, he was more than spend, unable to do anything other than shower in his afterglow.

kinktober masterlist.

do not! share, copy or repost my work. ✎ ©ANANTARU 2022

#genshin impact x reader #genshin smut #genshin impact smut #genshin x reader #dottore x reader #dottore smut #scaramouche x reader #scaramouche smut #alhaitham smut #alhaitham x reader #al haitham x reader #al haitham smut #childe smut #childe x reader #tartaglia smut #tartaglia x reader #genshin x you #childe x you #scaramouche x you #tw aphrodisiacs