#it felt incredibly personal

[ibrokeeverything]

Citizen Sleeper Spoiler Warning!

I just got the Lem and Mina Sidereel Horizon ending where you choose to go with them and oh my god 😭😭😭 it was so sweet and hopeful, yet absolutely destroyed me. I was left watching the credits roll with tears streaming down my face. I don't have any coherent thoughts right now, but I want to give major props to the writing in this game. It is absolutely captivating from start to end, and the character writing is especially impressive. These are all real people to me, who are flawed and nuanced with struggles and dreams that carry them through each cycle.

Citizen Sleeper is a truly special game.

#a game hasn't hit me like this in a long time #it felt incredibly personal #as you go through the game it starts to feel more and more like i am the sleeper and these are my friends and the eye is my home #i knew that i had to go with lem and mina #they meant too much to me and i wanted to see this through with them #but it also hurt leaving moritz and tala and riko and so many more behind #AAAHHHHHH #this game is a freaking masterpiece #citizen sleeper #citizen sleeper lem #citizen sleeper mina

[teacupsandcyanide]

Something I miss from earlier eras of the creative side of the internet was things just being unabashedly low-budget. Just all unashamedly amateur, unprofessional, ‘I don’t own a good camera but I have a story to tell you’, ‘I can’t afford a good mic but I have a song to sing for you,’ ‘I don’t have any kind of background in editing or lighting and I only just picked up this guitar last Tuesday but here’s an entire musical me and my friends wrote about our favourite book, we filmed it on a potato and put it up on YouTube in ten minute segments because we thought it was pretty funny.’

#everything felt so much less like Content then #and as someone who wants to share creative stuff online #it’s now incredibly daunting thinking about doing that bc #especially as a disabled person who can’t work full time #it feels almost impossible to extricate art from being Content #like there’s this immense pressure to produce things that could pass as professionally produced by a team of educated people #and to make smart decisions so that somehow eventually you can profit off your art #and instead of it being a ‘hey look at my silly little song’ it becomes #competing in an over saturated market already dominated by the nepotism afforded by wealth and connections #and it feels like it would very difficult not to measure my personal satisfaction with how a certain piece of art turned out #by how much attention it got online #even though I genuinely have zero desire to be famous and it sounds like a complete nightmare #anyway I’m gonna have ice cream for dinner how about you guys #hmp42

[usersukuna]

i wish i could watch Our Flag Means Death season 2 episode 5 "The Curse of the Seafaring Life" dir. Andrew DeYoung for the first time all over again

#the things i felt when stede & ed kissed for the first time after being apart is unparalleled. #the hand holding. #the improv thumb war. #unparalleled. #talented brilliant incredible amazing show stopping spectacular never the same totally unique completely not ever been done before. #our flag means death #ofmd #blackbonnet #gentlebeard #personal #txt post

[pyrrhicprose]

Hey guys so I was rewatching OPLA and uh.

They really carried that well theme through huh?

#one piece live action #one piece #roronoa zoro #ALSO #it actually is really a strikingly consistent metaphor #for those who are unaware “frog in a well” is the chinese proverb = to “big fish in a little pond” #and the well scene was ALSO when we originally saw Zoro's backstory #which had a specific focus on Kuina as his one unbeatable goal! #I wholeheartedly believe that until he fought Mihawk Kuina was the one person he felt like was actually better than him at swordplay #she was his “well” - he didn't even realize that there was so much else out there #anyways that was just an incredibly well done metaphor to call back to #I think its super cool that they thought to interweave the well scene with his backstory in the LA! Its gotta be 100% purposeful! #Also sidenote OPLA is the first OP thing I've actually watched so hello everyone insanity time :] #opla

[starsandthorn]

no but actually. the parallels to other Twins in different nations of teyvat in relation to the traveler and their desire to reunite with their own sibling makes me a little bit bonkers. like.

diluc and kaeya as what the traveler has and fears, after we will be reunited [separation born from conflict that seemingly cannot be mended; they both care for each other but ultimately their opposing ideals mean they cannot be at each other's side in the same way that they used to, and no longer have the close bond they once did]

ei and makoto as what the abyss sibling experienced [a crushing loss not just of one's twin but the last remaining friend they had and the safety and security of their nation, coming out the other side traumatized, cold and jaded and making decisions that will ultimately hurt the people they claim to want to protect for the sake of an unattainable goal]

and lyney and lynette as what the traveler and the abyss twin used to have before they were separated [never apart for long, home is wherever we are together], what the traveler wants [their separation brief and quickly amended, continuing to be inseparable after they reunite], and also the choice they'll have to make [the twins being together in an organization the traveler inherently doesn't trust - does the traveler want to be by their sibling's side badly enough to throw their lot in with the abyss, and turn their back on everyone else they've met on their journey so far?]

#personal stuff #thorn plays genshin #RIPS AND TEARS. #hi . feeling so normal btw #i was thinking so so so so hard about the traveler twins when ei's second story quest dropped #and i am constantly sick in the head about the traveler being tired of the ragbros nonsense communication #and THEN in fontaine the traveler having to watch these two twins who are incredibly close. #and try not to think about what they've lost #i'm. uuaauguugh #LIKE #the traveler and the abyss twin really are what the fontaine twins could be if either of them lost the other. #at the end of his story quest lyney talks about how both of them give each other strength to get through the darkest days #and how darkness never consumes him because he has his sister and they remember the good things together [punches the ground] #also lyney and lynette losing their trust in people early on and having to lie to everyone around them #and getting the companionship that kaeya never got in his childhood. cries #like he had his twin!!! he had his brother!!! but he had to lie to him for years and never felt truly understood until that night #and AUUUGH the running theme of one twin being Light and the other being Dark #one always brightly engaging with people while the other deals with matters from the shadows #and the brothers flipping that on its head when diluc returns to mondstadt - diluc in the shadows and kaeya with the knights #and ei getting someone who will be her shadow so she can finally step into the light herself and see the world with her own eyes. #just AUUGUUGHGH. i'm fine. i'm normal #this is incoherent maybe but augh. augh. siblings. #[looking back at the earth] wait the game is about family? always has been

[especdreamy]

Hey MCYT followers just coming in to share that Beau has just come forward with her own experience of SA

#dreamy talks #SA // #i feel like its incredibly important because of the circle she was in and the implications of what she went thru #please dont send asks about it i am not the best person to talk about this (just genuinely bad at words) but I wanted to share since #I felt its very important

[oatbugs]

Jack Marsh (2005), Friendship Otherwise - Toward a Levinasian Description of Personal Friendship

#saw carnation lily lily rose by john singer seargent irl today. it was basically at my doorstep all along idk why i never went to see it #it was placed at a corner in the gallery. me and my friend sat down and sketched the paintings of beautiful naked people quite badly. paper #provided by tate britain. she told me about how she couldnt look her boyfriend in the face after a harrowing film about war. when i say the #interview was informal i mean the person who was supposed to be my boss told me let me get you a cider and then he said after #50 years of life he knows people are inherently good and it only takes a little bit of kindness to save this world. he said he tricked #his wife into keeping the baby and then he said he quit his job at a US bank to help people find meaning and in it #he would have liked to find meaning. instead he started climbing with his friends. he said he chews his cigarettes because its a habit from #when he had to hide things from people. the entire time i felt uncomfortable and incredibly enlightened. this is my friends mentor. she has #his pattern of pauses and expletive and penchant for ends-justify-means attitude. i do think im not very clever #but maybe one day i will love you enough to make up for it. i wrote code i dont understand staring at the final error i thought about how #we both thought of how when we're too old to remember the voices of our friends we would like to stand in the pathway of the LHC beam pipe #cut it open and eat light in the freezing cold vacuum (kills you long before radiation will) the invisible puncture wound unfolding dna #back to the start larger than you ever were. you go to heaven once youve been to hell. my friend is in my bed #practicing calculations of eigenvectors by hand and she is uninterested in a visual proof you are uninterested in incompetence #we catch a train this is your kind of burden you tragic hero wincing at that word you only do this because you have to. im the only one #who can. i am a coward in this for the fucking poetry. the visual proofs. the pretty numbers. an architect who was horrible at maths wanted #to be a philosopher and accidentally ended up neck in deep in 70th Error On Visual Studio Code i want to kiss your eyes before we say #goodbye we both know there is no love in the way there should be. I still have your dress in my wardrobe. i hope you make art. #you think im alright head-wise i think you fucking hate me i think ill never be so clever you want me to tell you my idea? #if you wanted more of this world i would have liked to kiss you harder. we cant both be like this. im sorry i cant be with you the whole wa #the love is gone if you have to ask it. his breath catches his eyes feel stiff it is -1.9 kelvin he is near the beam pipe i miss holding #his hand i miss her singing voice i miss his hair and i found the antonym of pain thank you for carrying me home.

[stranger-theory]

are we gonna talk about how Lucas was the only main girlie in s1 to be played as overly aggressive, distrustful, and generally rude. like. i'm just saying.

#ofc Lucas is my pookie and i love him🤗 #but c'mon man what is that🙁 #i'm incredibly glad that he had character development #but it felt unnecessary #yk?? #especially considering the that he had such proof that El was using them #he had EVERY right to be suspicious of her. #however #my man was framed as the person wrongly #AND AGGRESSIVELY #accusing her. #guys am i imagining this.🙁 #i'm sharing this because i'm not entirely sure i'm right. #💔 #stranger things #lucas sinclair #stranger things characters #st s1 #stranger things s1 #st season 1 #just realized i said ''especially considering the that'' when i meant ''especially considering the fact''

[marlenacantswim]

guess who just watched jessica jones in the year of our lord 2024

#there's almost no shot i'm the first person to assign this post to this episode #bc like that's quite literally what is going on #also to clarify i didn't watch the whole show; just s1 and the above s2 episode #i've come away from every defenders show i've watched thinking it was excellent television #but i've never felt the need to watch any past season one or two #anyways i hated kilgrave with every fibre of my being but also had the most incredible time watching him #jessica jones #krysten ritter #kilgrave #david tennant #eka darville #running my mouth #made this with my hands #marvel

[oaxleaf]

i do feel like pulley makes a conscious choice, whilst she typically acknowledges the homophobia that would be present in a period setting, to not make it a significant plot point or to have too much angst surrounding it, which i very much appreciate. sometimes you can put queer people in fun historical settings and let them be miserable for reasons other than being queer. simultaneously, i’ve been thinking a lot lately about the themes of heteronormativity in thlovk. because those are not necessarily the same thing? i’m lucky enough to not have experienced much in-person homophobia, but by god does hetero- and cisnormativity prevail no matter how progressive of a place you live in.

so yeah, the way valery talks about things like marriage and family really resonates. the pretty much presumed loneliness, the notion that if you don’t settle down with your opposite-sex partner and have a bunch of kids then you’ll end up sad and uncared for. and whilst homophobia is mentioned and relevant (though more so when it comes to shenkov), heteronormativity is the real insidious attitude in the novel. how valery himself, throughout the entierty of the novel, keeps presuming that he’ll always lie farthest down on the list of people shenkov cares about, because the straight nuclear family promotes the idea that love and caring is a limited resource in a person when it really isn’t, and that a romantic, heterosexually married spouse will always take the automatic highest priority, followed by ones biological children, and that there even needs to be a hierarchy. valery’s insecurities are not about being queer, but it’s about the things everybody assumes you’ll never have just because of your queerness. and i appreciate an exploration of the struggles of queer identity that go deeper than the risk of hatred and homophobia

#natasha pulley #pulleyverse #the half life of valery k #and obviously there are a lot of even more in depth exploration you can do #both of heteronormativity and homophobia #because they are both real and complex issues #and i hate when people act like society has come ’far enough’ that they are not worth exploring #a sentiment i quite often hear coming from a nordic country that is simultaneously progressive and incredibly ignorant #but heteronormativity is something i feel so deeply #it’s what makes it awkward coming out to people or even mentioning that i’m into girls #even when i know the person i’m talking to is not necessarily prejudiced #so i appreciate and really felt seen about the intense feelings of isolation and being unimportant to greater society #does this make sense?

[macroglossus]

actually really genuinely makes me so incredibly sick and sad to think of s1 will, who was terrified and losing his mind and no one helped him, especially not the people that he trusted. that line he has that goes "sometimes, at night, i leave the lights on in my little house, and walk across the flat fields... when I look back from a distance, the house is like a boat on the sea. it's really the only time i feel safe." and i think about how scared he was and how he had to leave that person behind, because he would've died, and in that sense he really died anyway

#hannibal #and it's hard because i do like hannibal as a character! and i know that's really what the show is about i.e showing that he doesn't have #the same morals as regular people and he sees will as incredibly vulnerable and with incredible potential. so he targets that potential #and will did grow into that dark potential! but in doing so he had to basically leave a significant part of himself behind #but he was SO SCARED. and completely alone except for his dogs. because every single person around him just wanted something from him #and he was losing his mind! i know in a diluted sense how incredibly hard it is to understand that youre acting crazy and understand that #everyone around you is losing their patience. and so he turned to hannibal. and hannibal betrayed him in really the worst way possible #because he wanted to see what would happen. agh. #and he walked to the edge of the trees anyway and turned back to his little house like a boat and felt safe. FUCK #what im saying is that it really isnt fair but there was no world in which it wouldve been fair really. even a world without hannibal #because the world isnt fair to will graham

[hyperactivewhore]

Listen I absolutely adore Elena, but it's absolutely insane to me how she was okay with murdering Kol, knowing that would kill hundreds of vampires who did absolutely nothing to her, for a cure that sounded straight out of a fairytale.

#her season four era wasn't it #i truly feel delena was the beginning of her downgrade #still like her tho #just not her vampire era #and it's not like kol didn't deserve it #yk being a mikaelson and stuff #but it just personally felt incredibly selfish #i absolutely adore how unhinged everyone was in this episode tho #elena plotting to murder a original vampire #jeremy being completely on board #bonnie finally standing up for herself just a bit #trapping klaus in the gilbert's living room 😭 #damon being an hypocrite as usual #i honestly cannot stand his “i'm a bad guy for good reasons” #and kol being kol 💀 #“i'm just gonna chop off jeremy's arms 💖” #and then threatening to murder klaus #like hello???? #so much happened JAJSJA #elena gilbert #kol mikaelson #bonnie bennett #jeremy gilbert #klaus mikaelson #the vampire diaries #the originals #tvd #to #silas #silas tvd

[sunset-unbound]

Genuinely, I'm taking longer to get over chapter 36 than the other episodes. The Silt Verses has tragedy, it has pain and horrible things, but at least we have catharsis.

In the end of S1, we thought it was over, and though Carpenter's presumed-death wasn't in her great moment of screaming against her former god, we still had a sense of finality. Of work being done.

Even smaller characters, like Dennis and Sister Thurrocks had strong, lasting impact in shaping the narrative and their deaths came with a punch.

But then we get to chapter 36 and we get softness. We have two people who grasp desperately for little hopes while trying to stay on the fence because they know that good things don't last.

Is there anything crueler than a god of hope?

Everything is cut short for them, before anything impactful and true change happens. They're left at the edge of happiness and then die with a whimper. There's no finality or great catharsis, it just feels unfair.

You could say the ending is ambiguous, but if you're Sebastian you know you lost. And you'll spend every day doubting this miracle, waiting for the catch, for the other shoe to fall. You won't be able to hear Dev's soft reassurances that it's okay and believe him. Any prospect of anything getting better is soured by your cynicism.

This is just what life already was for Seb. He just has even more reason to believe he is right.

#disclaimer: this one felt incredibly personal. i have thought about this scenario before. i am projecting badly. #it is so incredibly difficult to believe things can be better!!! that happiness isn't a lie!!!!! #and maybe im a damn pessimist but i don't think seb killed the man in the walls!!!!!! #and fuck!!!! he thinks so too!!!!!! that's the worst part!!!! because i would feel the same way #sun.txt #the silt verses #tsv #tsv spoilers #tsv 36

[yki-dolls]

I wanted to draw someone sobbing their heart out.

Sorry Mikey, you were the victim.

Pixel art Commissions

#tmnt #tmnt fanart #tmnt art #rottmnt #rottmnt fanart #rottmnt art #teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise of the tmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt michelangelo #rottmnt michaelangelo #tmnt mikey #rottmnt mikey #Yeah I don't know why I drew this #Instead of crying and shattering my incredibly cool and definitely real demeanor #I draw fictional turtle children crying #Plus drawing tears are fun #I like making them look ✨juicy✨ #The more distraught the person I'm drawing looks the better. #Was this possibly because I felt really sad when I drew it? Perhaps. #But if I said it actually WAS then that's no fun #So it wasn't #:)

[thedreadvampy]

My housemate is moving out in January

She told us this a week or two ago, when she sat down and, after sitting with us watching TV for over an hour, said "hey so I bought a house and I'm moving out. We agreed on 2 months notice so I won't move until the end of January."

The last time she talked in the immediate terms about buying a house was in 2021, when the sale she was working on fell though and she was unemployed so it was a "when I'm back in a position to look I'll start looking again." Since then I've occasionally asked her how she's doing on the house buying front and she's been like "oh I'm getting there financially" but hasn't mentioned anything concrete.

She didn't tell us she was looking at places. She didn't tell us she had put in an offer. She told us when the offer was finalised. A week AFTER she emailed the letting agent about getting out of her part of the lease. And, it increasingly feels like, only because the letting agent's response was that we had to agree to change the lease.

The letting agent's response (which our housemate obviously didn't copy us into; we had to follow up separately and they copied us into the email chain) also includes that when we change the lease, they're empowered to change the rent, quote, "no cap". Rent was already going up in January - there's no possibility of Sam and I paying her share of the rent.

The really fucking upsetting thing is we're not strangers. This isn't a casual "housemate we found on flatshare" thing. She and Sam have lived together literally their entire adult lives. Me and her have known each other well over a decade. I lived in her and Sam's flat when I was homeless. We were the first people she came out to as trans. We're not super close but I thought we were fucking friends. And she's literally gone out of her way to not talk to us about this for what must have been months while the sale completed - which means she's lied to my face at least once cause I've asked her about her finances in that time (cause she's in a job she hates that she only took to get the house money, so it's like. when we've been commiserating about work stuff I'm often asking 'are you almost free?'). she literally went out of her way to talk to the letting agents before talking to us about putting us in a situation where we could lose our fucking home.

And she keeps. trying. to pretend nothing's happened. Every time I've seen her since then she's not mentioned anything or apologised or anything, she just keeps chatting away and offering hugs and fistbumps like nothing's happened. Like we're still fucking friends.

All it would take for us to still be friends and to be happy for her would have been one fucking sentence in the groupchat like "hey, just put an offer in on a house" or "I'm looking at properties, just so you know, that might happen in the next few months". Like nobody begrudges her for buying a house! It's very cool for her! She's 31 she's worked really hard to get the money I would love to be happy for her! Unfortunately she decided avoiding conflict is more important than giving the people she fucking LIVES WITH (who btw fronted her a month on the rent here while she was unemployed and agreed to take on a larger proportion of the move-in cost back in 2021, if we're still holding ourselves to shit we said 2.5 years ago), so no, you are not entitled to our friendship or to going back to normal.

like if she'd been honest with us it would have been something to process but we'd have had time to figure out our next steps. instead she's left us in a position where we have to find a new roommate before she gives her one month notice, which means finding someone by the end of December, which oh look that's the middle of the fucking Christmas holidays. and she didn't tell us anything until the START of December, or copy us into her conversation with the letting agent, meaning we still don't know what the rent on that space will be so we aren't yet in a position to advertise it. Has she offered to help find a roommate? Has she fuck. Has she offered to help out by moving her move-out date? Nah, she's moving as soon as she gets the keys because, quote, "that means her finances won't have to change". SOUNDS LOVELY. NOT HAVING YOUR FINANCES SUDDENLY CHANGE. I THINK THAT SOUNDS LIKE A REALLY REASONABLE FUCKING GOAL.

Thirteen fucking years she's lived with Sam. Four fucking weeks over Christmas she's left us to figure out a way to not turbofuck our living situation. And she's got the fucking nerve to try and pretend we should be interacting like nothing's changed. Jesus Christ. What a fucking unhinged way to treat...anybody, honestly. never mind the friends-your-entire-adult-life part. literally cannot imagine a scenario in which I would buy a house without telling the people I lived with.

(haha actually this is what my parents divorced over so apparently it's not unusual. although at least my dad had the decency to tell the woman he shared finances with at the point he put in an offer not the point the fucking sale went through.)

Like we'll be fine. It's a huge city centre flat with decent rent and queer housemates, hopefully even when the rent goes up it'll be an easy sell in a city with a huge housing shortage and big queer community. We've got a couple of people interested already, sight unseen - worst case scenario we have to live with someone we don't get on with. And it's given Sam and me a push to look at our own finances and as of today, we've got a mortgage decision in principle and can start looking at flats in the area - mind, we'll be transparent upfront and tell any prospective housemates that yeah, we're looking to buy and move out in the next 6-12 months, and we'll tell them if we put an offer in, because we're decent fucking people who aren't going to spring that on someone out of the blue.

But it's been I think 2 weeks and I'm so fucking angry I could spit. It's such a fucking betrayal. And frankly you know selfishly like. I just had a breakup a couple of months ago, I'm in the middle of moving jobs, both me and Sam have a history of housing instability and this has been the first decent, stable, safe, not-mouldy not-freezing home I think any of us have had, and this is so fucking triggering and upscuttling I could just start biting. like I was talking to my friend about it last week and it's just like. Can I have One Fucking Thing of the three main tentpoles of survival - home, work, relationships - that are fucking stable right now? because shit has been In Flux lately. and at least the work and relationship stuff has changed because of my decisions. going through all that work to make myself short-term unstable to gain long-term stability has been really hard and draining and then just as I was reaching the crisis point with work stuff BOOM, IT'S HOUSING INSTABILITY WITH A STEEL CHAIR. fuck. seriously fuck this and fuck her. we're going to make something good come of it but what a deeply, unbelievably shitty thing to do.

#red said #the other thing that bugs me about it is. ok and again this is old shit dredged back to 2021 when we moved in together #but i had my housemate. and Sam had her. and each of us were really close pairs who'd lived together a long time #and we tried looking for flats as a four but a) a flat with 4 good sized bedrooms in Edinburgh is hens teeth #and b) my housemate was pretty happy to live with me and Sam but increasingly felt like a 4 man flat was going to be a lot for him #and so in the end we talked about it. and through a combination of that and same housemate being in a pretty #unfavorable position housing wise. cause she was unemployed and had shit credit at that moment. #we agreed she'd move with us and Joe went and found a one bed #and in the end that's been really great for him tbh he's a lot happier and more confident and we were pretty sick of each other by then #and so we get on much better now #but at the time it was a real heartache i felt like I'd let Joe down i felt like our friendship was over #and honestly I have never been a huge fan of living with our current housemate. even before we lived here #like when i was staying with her and Sam too. she's incredibly messy and takes up a lot of space in conversations #I've always liked her as a person but she's exhausting and often unpleasant to share space with #and there's a bit of me that's like. we bent over backwards to accommodate you when you were precarious. #like it would have been WAY easier for us to look for a 2-bed during 2021. and if it was a 3-bed I'd have rather stayed with Joe. #but we moved with her for her sake. and she left Sam to clean up their old place (and there were Literal Rats) #and she got really pissy about driving the moving van even though a) that was her idea and b) she's the only person with a license #and c) i walked all MY shit over by hand anyway and the only reason she hired the van was to move her tv #me and Sam found all the core furniture. me and Sam sorted out all the viewings. me and Sam did all the planning. Sam set up all the bills. #we spotted her for rent!we took a bigger share of the costs! because we fucking cared about her and wanted her to have a fucking home! #and she can't even do us the courtesy you'd offer a fucking lodger you found on fucking gumtree

[vyeoh]

Not to sound incredibly pretentious but I am genuinely concerned with how "strong visual aesthetic" is becoming conflated automatically with "good movie". Like the nightmare scenario is that movies just look pretty while saying absolutely nothing

#vio.rant #yes this is about barbie #like literally what did it truely say about feminism #like what did it contribute? that people should be a person outside of their gender? that there are double standards for women?? #and THAT is radical and groundbreaking????? like it was a fun movie but it did not get snubbed lmao #it just was mattell's pr movie that quoted literally every canva hashtag instagram feminism graphic out there #like greta gurwig is a good director this was just not her best work at all. same goes for margot robbie #like sorry i just was not tuned into barbie's story arc at all. #also im just keg got a nom because it was. just the best song in the movie? both story incorporation wise and writing #ive always kinda felt that they uh prolly shouldnt have given ken the only musical number in a movie about barbie but eh thats what they did #but yeah. i feel like people only like it bc its v pretty (which. the set design is INCREDIBLE) but thats not the same as a good movie yunno #maybe thats just where cis people are in terms of gender theory which. that is unfortunate