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studentbyday · 3 months

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30 days of intentionality

starting this challenge with the goal of taking it one day at a time. i have a hard time doing that these days. i spend more time ruminating on the past or worrying about the future than staying in the present, even if that's when i'm most content. not sure how i'll format my posts and most likely, i'll only do weekly updates bc daily ones are too overwhelming. i'll just go with the flow, trying to trust that everything will end up as it's meant to be and maybe i'll be more productive as focusing primarily on the present moment becomes a habit.

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1. suo gân (arr. john williams for the ambrosian junior choir): i believe that if everyone lived by the idea of global citizenship and so saw the humanity in every individual from every background, there would be no war. reading the news fills me with fear, sorrow, and anxiety, but i also feel the responsibility to stay informed. did some studying today, more than yesterday, but it was kind of uncomfortable with the state of global politics lurking in the back of my mind. i'm still a little behind on school.

2. souvenir de paganini (chopin): today is not so bad. i'm making progress academically, but i do need to make time for social activities soon or i will get lonely and lose what little motivation i have very quickly.

3. once upon a december (arr. emile pandolfi): sometimes in the face of events and issues much bigger than myself that i have no control over, i feel like my dreams are pointless bc i think there's no way achieving them or trying to achieve them could possibly empower me to make real and important change that can truly benefit many. who knows if the future would even allow me to get that far. there are many things that could change the course of our lives that we don't have control over. but if others in worse situations than me and others much better informed than me can still have hope, then so can i. i didn't do much other than pharmacology and a little bit of philosophy today. i made more progress in pharmacology than expected, but that's only bc i didn't do any psych work. i also earned a few more mastery points on khan academy's integrated math 1 (not a priority, i know, but i wanted an easy win) and started lab tasks. i'm far from done with that, i need to do a little every day... i don't want to let them down! 🥺 (note to self: lying in bed is maybe NOT a good study break activity bc that just makes me not wanna do anything else after that and it's very very very hard to get out of that procrastination rut once i let myself fall into it.) 4. let's stay together (al green): everything should be going well, except i'm easily overwhelmed, and this time, it wasn't in an openly frazzled way, it was in a tired and slightly defeated "what's the point?" way, so i didn't realize it as quickly as i usually do. after some bed rest, cuddles 🧸, listening to steve jobs' commencement speech, and a little yoga, i felt better. "You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future." was something i didn't know i needed to hear today. i modified my to-do list and found that the list of things i "must do" was nearly as long as the list of things i "want to do" 😅

5. kreutzer sonata, movt. 1 (beethoven): pretty sure i've mentioned some of these songs before but...they really fit the mood! sometimes i feel things so strongly that i develop a tightening in my chest that can only be relieved in a scream... since i can't actually scream and i don't actually really like the physical feeling of it, i scream through exercise and music 😅 beethoven is very nice for when i'm feeling very annoyed or angry, especially if it's an anxious kind of angry or if it's anger at injustice/inequality. i can't find a piano solo version that does the fiery spirit of the violin justice. so in the vague future when i actually play this, either i try (and perhaps fail) to replicate that on the piano, or i find a violinist friend who would want to play with me 😅 right now though, imagining how i would physically create that sound on the piano will have to be enough. the prevailing thought/feeling of the day: sometimes i just really wanna believe in the good in people and believe that i can trust (some of) them. i long for that feeling of safety in a broader irl community that i actually belong in. i'm surprised by how often i long for it. but then my negativity is reinforced by news and people's opinions on it.

6. violin sonata no. 1 in g minor, bwv 1001 (j.s. bach): stuff was done. i felt calm/chill throughout the day, but even tho i feel good whenever that happens, it usually means i don't get an extraordinary amount of things done that day (lol since when do i ever). i'm not sure if it's enough, as there is still lots to do and i'm pretty sure that it's just wishful thinking that i'll achieve all my goals for this week by its end. i need to cut down my goals list to the realistic rather than idealistic version as always (school, lab, and basic self-maintenance tasks) 😅 gaawwwdd i hope i can do this...good night.

7. waltz in a minor, b. 150 (chopin): today and yesterday i have been able to keep my phone time under an hour. the days are blissful (if not at least calmer) and focused. 📚

8. only mine (laufey): cuddles in bed while listening to laufey is so soothing 🧸 takes me back to my childhood listening to lullabies in the dark 🥺 motivation to study is hard to find today. i just want to relax 🥺 i'll just do one tiny thing and see where i wanna go from there...

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perpetualexistence · 2 months

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Through a Funhouse Mirror

Alenoah Week 2024 Day 6: Amusement Park / Laser Tag

Noah and Alejandro are on an end of year class field trip to the local amusement park. Normally, Alejandro only hangs out with his girlfriend Heather in the popular clique. However, recently Alejandro has integrated himself into Noah's friend group. He's even taken charge as their leader.

He acts the gentleman, but by now Noah knows better. He doesn't have any concrete proof, but he can tell Alejandro despises most of the group. There has to be some reason he's sticking around, but he doesn't quite know what.

He would confront Alejandro, but the eel is always too preoccupied with schmoozing the rest of his friends, and people outside of his immediate friend group. Now is a good of a chance as any.

Alejandro's the one who convinces the group to split off. He insists that it's so everyone can do what they prefer, but Noah can tell it's because he wants to get away from the others. Noah volunteers himself to go with Alejandro since nobody is allowed to be by themselves, and Alejandro obliges. There are benefits to being the only other sane one in the group.

Noah looks for somewhere private to confront Alejandro, and lucks out with the house of mirrors. He tells Alejandro he wants to go in and Alejandro, ever the 'gentleman' agrees.

Noah waits until they're deeper into the maze before he starts being direct with Alejandro about his nature. Alejandro tries denying it. Noah provides rebuttal after rebuttal. The argument keeps getting more and more heated.

Noah's back is to one of the mirrors. He's trying to keep his ground, but he takes another step backward as Alejandro takes one forward. His back is pressed against one of the mirrors.

Without warning, the solid surface begins to shudder. He feels something like a liquid on his back. Nothing seems to be supporting his weight anymore, and he begins to fall backwards. In his desperate attempt to stop his descent, he grabs onto the closest thing in sight: Alejandro.

In his own shock at seeing the mirror ripple, Alejandro is unable to react in time to stop their fall. He passes through the mirror with Noah, and falls on top of the smaller boy.

Noah groans in pain at the fall and at being crushed.

Alejandro quickly stood up to recover from this temporary set back. He's the first to notice that the tacky mirrors from before now loom over the both of them like imposing walls. The floor is much, much too close.

They both hear a chuckle coming from behind him, and turn to see a man the size of an eight-story building looking down at both of them.

After a quick screaming session, they learn that this is a trickster spirit who calls himself Chris. He likes to mess around with mortals from time to time for his own amusement. And man, they just handed themselves on a silver platter.

He offers them a deal. He'll tell them how to return them to their normal size if they can find him again. He'll give them a riddle, then once they figure out where he's talking about, they have to race towards it at their new size to get to him.

Alejandro shows no fear as he does his best to assuage Chris and assure him they can absolutely finish this task for Chris. Noah, however, is pretty peeved about this situation. And oh, does he let Chris know it.

Alejandro tries to get him to stop talking, but one doesn't stop Noah from going off on someone once he's started. Noah has successfully angered Chris, though Alejandro's able to convince Chris NOT to kill them. Chris still wants some punishment though, so he magics their phones away so they can't call or text for help. And he's going to give them the hardest riddle he knows.

Alejandro covers Noah's mouth and agrees to the new terms. Chris gives them the riddle, and leaves in a puff of smoke. It takes everything in Alejandro not to strangle Noah as they get to solving the riddle.

Between their IQ, and Chris not being as smart as he thinks he is, they solve it pretty quickly. It’s the Ferris wheel. They can remember seeing it on the way in. It's in the middle of the park. Full of crowded people. Who can step on them without even trying.

They start making their way over, doing their best to be as stealthy and quick as possible. They'd rather not let anyone else know about this because who knows how any stranger would take it?

Fortunately, they do come across someone that isn't a complete stranger! It's hard to miss Owen in a crowd with how his voice carries. He's getting an absolutely obscene amount of cotton candy.

Noah immediately starts making his way towards his chubby buddy, only for Alejandro to stop him. Noah wants to know what Alejandro's doing, and Alejandro points out that Owen might not be the best person to help them out in their current predicament. He doesn't know how to keep secrets, and isn't aware of his own strength. That is a VERY dangerous combination with both of them being this small.

Noah turns on Alejandro in an instant. Owen's not the sharpest tool in the shed, but he's not a complete idiot. He can stop when you ask him to stop something. And not spreading gossip is a different type of secret than one that'd put their lives at risk.

There's no way of knowing if they'd find any of their other classmates who is more 'responsible' and who might, might be willing to help. Owen could be their one chance.

Also. It's Owen. Of course he's going to help them! Plus, the big guy can charge through a crowd if he's highly motivated. Noah's pretty sure saving the lives of two of his friends is high enough motivation. They'd get to that ferris wheel in an instant!

Noah's not going to have Alejandro ruin their best chance of getting back to normal because of some stupid one-sided rivalry with Owen!

"He may squeeze me within an inch of my life, but you know what I'll be? Alive!"

Alejandro still fights to keep Noah from going out to get Owen's attention. He doesn't want anyone to see him like this, especially not that oafish buffoon no matter what Noah says.

Noah tries to wriggle out of Alejandro's grasp, but he loses. Alejandro only lets go after Owen has passed them by. He sighs in relief when he can no longer see Owen, and finally lets Noah go.

Noah starts going off on another tirade against Alejandro when the wind starts to pick up. Nobody else seems to notice, but for them the wind is threatening to buffet them away.

Alejandro crouches down to cling to the boardwalk underneath him for something to hold on. Noah is blown away a couple of feet (relative to his new size) before he's stopped.

Because a stray bit of cotton candy has been blown his way and is now trapping him against the ground.

Alejandro rushes for Noah once the wind has died down. He might be annoyed at Noah for making this more difficult that it needs to be, but that doesn't mean he wishes Noah dead.

He tries digging some of the cotton candy around Noah's face free so Noah can breathe better. Which does work, but it also leads Alejandro to getting cotton candy on him. He's lucky he's strong enough to have pulled his own arms out rather than get stuck himself.

He knows any type of liquid should dissolve this, but how to get some? He looks around to spot a large cup of soda littered on the ground. He runs for it and sighs in relief as he notices that it has a bit remaining. It won't be the most elegant solution, but it will do.

He drags the soda to Noah and jumps onto the cup. Soda sprays out of the straw to douse Noah, freeing him. Noah is coughing and snorting out cotton candy and soda, but he's breathing.

Noah reluctantly thanks Alejandro for the whole, you know, saving his life thing. Alejandro was going to tease Noah about it to get some semblance of familiarity back when he hears an extremely loud bark coming from behind.

He turns to see a large dog behind him.

This is fine. Animals love Alejandro! He has a commanding presence that they admire. They fawn over him. He can tame this beast and convince it they're not chew toys.

Turns out his commanding presence doesn't work when he's smaller than the thing he's trying to command.

The dog reaches down and bites onto the back of Alejandro's shirt. He's shaken about, grasping for anything to free himself, when he hears a familiar voice in a strange tone.

"Here boy!" coos Noah in a cutesty tone Alejandro didn't think was possible. "Drop the disgusting eel and come to me! I've got treats!"

To Alejandro's shock, the dog immediately drops him. He falls to the ground in a heap. The dog eagerly bounds towards Noah and begins to sniff him. The dog licks Noah, mostly for the soda and cotton candy he's drenched in.

"¿Quién eres y qué has hecho con Noah?" Alejandro asks himself as he hears Noah giggle at being licked.

Noah digs into one of the many pockets in his khakis that Alejandro had assumed were just to show off his poor taste in fashion. He digs his hand out with a small plastic bag filled with dog treats.

"Come on boy, let's get you a treat that won't kill you in the long run."

He gets the dog to sit, then lay down. Then begins to climb on top of the dog.

"...You tell no one what just happened, and I'll let you get on Shadow. I don't know if I can get him to go fast, but I can at least get him going in the right direction."

Alejandro knows better to look a gift horse in the mouth, so he puts all thoughts about how cute that was away as he gets atop of the newly dubbed Shadow.

It turns out that Shadow has two speeds: none and all. They both have to cling onto the dog as he bolts through the crowd towards the ferris wheel. They can only hope everyone is so focused on the dog that no one notices the two small humans desperately clinging to its fur.

Shadow takes them a good distance towards the wheel. However, he is a dog. He notices a seagull within his line of sight and begins to chase after it in a different direction. The two of them let go before Shadow can steer them too far off course, and land behind one of the prize booths.

With them being in the back of the booths, they can see a path of relatively safety so long as none of the workers make their way back here. The ferris wheel isn't much farther off. So they begin walking. And talking.

"May I at least ask how you made a dog much larger than us eat out of the palm of your hand?"

"I trained my dog when he was a puppy. I figured it might be the same with another dog no matter the size difference."

"Still, I will admit. That was impressive."

"Huh, so you can give a genuine compliment. Didn't think you had it in you."

"I absolutely do give genuine compliments!"

"If you want to prove you're genuine, tell me the real reason you started befriending Team E-scope."

Alejandro sighs. Because at this point, he's tired, and he already has a piece of blackmail over Noah. If they don't survive this, he might as well get this off his chest.

Alejandro admits that the real reason he wants Noah and his friends at his side is because he needs them to get revenge on Heather for him. He's done his best to keep this out of the gossip circle, but she actually dumped him rather recently. He didn't quite listen to the reason why because she did the dumping instead of him. He can't just let that stand.

He knows 'Team E-scope' and Owen is because he knows they're the most chaotic group among them. He planned to trick them into pranking Heather for him so that he didn't have to get his own hands dirty, and no one would find out the reason he wanted revenge on the first place.

Noah can't help but laugh at Alejandro.

"You seriously went through all of that trouble so we could get back at your ex for you?"

"It's a very elaborate plan!"

"That's why I'm laughing! You did all of that for nothing!"

"Getting back at Heather is not nothing."

"No. That's not what I mean. We would have done it if you just asked."

"...What?"

"Eva hates Heather's guts, Owen's always down for a good prank, Izzy's Izzy, and I love to watch shitty people get their just desserts. You didn't even need to give us a reason. All you had to do was ask us to help you pull a prank on Heather. We'd do it because it'd be funny."

Alejandro has to re-evaluate a lot of assumptions and life decisions that he's made recently.

As they get close to the ferris wheel, they spot Chris walking into one of the carts. They immediately make a run for the cart before the attendant can close the door. They both land on the sticky, popcorn riddled floor at the same time.

Despite this, they each find themselves alone with Chris.

He spends the first few minutes laughing at them, confessing to having watched them the entire time. Then he says to each that he can tell them how to get back to normal, but there’s no guarantee it’ll work and they’re almost out of time. He can un shrink one of them right now, guaranteed. …But in return, they have to give up the other to Chris as an entertainment piece. The other will be fine! Mostly. They’ll be big again at least.

Once he gets the consent he can take the other away to do whatever. It’s an exclusive offer, so they better act fast.

Neither believes this is exclusive. They’re both pretty sure the other is being offered the same deal. It’s the classic prisoner’s dilemma. If they give each other up, they’ll probably both be subject to Chris’s whims for the rest of their lives.

Logically speaking, the right thing to do is to try to betray each other. But it requires a considerable amount of trust in the other. Noah would have to trust Alejandro not to be a selfish bastard. Alejandro would have to trust Noah not to be paranoid.

...Noah doesn't think he can trust Alejandro. He has seen Alejandro put himself first time and again. He refused to get help that they clearly needed because of his stupid pride. He's been more honest with Noah, but now Alejandro is by himself, being offered a deal almost impossible to resist. If he's going to take Noah down, then Noah might as well take Alejandro with him.

And yet. Alejandro's first instinct had been to save Noah when he was trapped, despite proving that he'd be difficult to work with. There was something good there in that shriveled, dark heart. Taking Alejandro down would give him a sense of vindication, but he doubted that would last long with whatever punishment Chris had in store. At least with Alejandro free, someone would know what had happened to Noah.

Besides, there is a part of Noah that does want to believe that Alejandro has some standards. It's a small part. It's a stupid part.

But Noah would rather be a fool than be cruel senselessly.

So he denies Chris's deal.

…To his surprise, Alejandro thinks he can trust Noah. With how loyal Noah is to Owen, he doubts Noah would choose to subject someone else to Chris. Alejandro could easily take advantage of this. It won’t be his problem afterwards. People would ask questions about Noah, but he could lie his way around them. Alejandro could finally rid himself of an annoyance set on ruining his good name.

And yet. Noah's not just an annoyance. He can be useful when he wants to be. He saved Alejandro from his own overconfidence. Noah has potential to be more. Not just to Alejandro, but to others as well. He's a fool not to see it in himself, but Alejandro could guide him along the right way. With their minds combined, they could conquer any challenge. Including Chris'.

Besides, the world would be a worse place without Noah in it.

So he denies Chris's deal.

The two are suddenly besides each other in the cart staring up at a petulant Chris. He whines that he's disappointed in the both of them. Where's the drama in neither of them taking the deal?!

Unfortunately, he's bound by his own rules, so he does tell them that the only way to get back to their normal size is to go through the same mirror that shrunk them in the first place. (All of Chris's game was pretty much a distraction to trick them into giving themselves up to him or else be small forever, either way being entertaining for Chris.)

They have until sunset, which if he had to guess is about thirty minutes. With a huff, he vanishes.

The two just look at each other for a moment as they comprehend what just happened.

"...You didn't give me up." Noah spoke aloud.

"No. I didn't."

"Why?"

"I don't know," Alejandro admitted. Which was the truth. He knew he told himself it was to keep Noah around as a benefit, but there was a part of him that also just liked having Noah around. And he wasn't sure which was more true. "I can't believe you trusted me."

"I didn't."

"Why wouldn't you give me up when you thought I would?"

"I don't know," Noah confessed. His heart and his brain were too battle-torn to give a more truthful answer. His heart was winning when he spoke again, "I'm sorry. For doubting you."

"No. No, you were absolutely right to. I didn't refuse to betray you out of the goodness of my heart."

"But you did."

"...Sí. I did.

"So take the apology. You're not getting another one."

"No."

"Are you seriously arguing this right now? Why?!"

"Because you still chose to spare me anyways!" Alejandro snapped. "You know me better than anyone else. You know I'm not 'a good person deep down'! There was no reward in this for you! I would punish your loyalty for myself. And you'd still show me mercy! I can't-No entiendo-"

Alejandro pinched at the bridge of his nose as he desperately attempted to calm his thoughts before he spoke again. "...Thank you."

After a pause of his own, Noah replied. "You're welcome."

The sun got in their eyes as they both remembered Chris's new thirty minute deadline. The ferris wheel is currently stopped at the top. Even if they could scale down it quickly, it would take far longer than 30 minutes to get back to the house of mirrors by themselves.

Fortunately for them, they're crafty, and they're high enough to where they're at the height of seagulls flying about. They manage to get a seagull's attention by throwing popcorn out of the cart. When it comes to investigate, Alejandro remains pressed against the wall of the cart while Noah is in the middle, egging the bird closer.

The bird goes in to attack Noah, and Alejandro leaps onto the bird from behind. The bird attempts to fly away and shake Alejandro off. Alejandro holds it in place long enough for Noah to get on.

The two wrangle the bird into a dive bomb for the house of mirrors. All three of them are screaming as they crash land. The two quickly scamper inside before the bird is aware enough to get revenge on them.

They split off to cover more ground since neither one quite remembers where the mirror that shrank them is. Alejandro is the one who manages to find it first as he goes through it to become his regular size. He went in one mirror, though out another, and can only guess he's on the side of the maze that Noah went down.

He immediately speedwalks to find Noah. He can't run or he'd risk stepping on him. When he hears Noah shout his name, he immediately runs, grabs Noah, and races back towards where he believes the entrance to be.

Noah guides him back to the entrance, and he races towards the mirror once he recognizes where he is. He shoves Noah through the mirror, though his own hand meets a solid surface.

He runs back towards the other side, only to meet a regular sized Noah in the middle, panting. The two immediately hug and laugh in pure shock and disbelief that they're finally back to normal.

Chris is nowhere to be found or heard, though they do wish they'd be able to get some form of revenge on him.

For now, they're both content with leaving the park and never setting foot in it again.

They finally catch up with the rest of their friend group who ask where they've been the whole time.

Neither of them has a response prepared, so Izzy provides them with one: They were clearly making out the whole time.

The two try to beat back the allegations, but to no avail. It's still better than having to explain what ACTUALLY happened.

It does mean they'd have to be together more if they're going to lean into this lie.

Neither one minds it as much as they pretend to.

#Why does no one else at the park notice them?#Shhhhh I need the plot to happen so I need you to have suspension of disbelief #Also I've intentionally decided not to have them end on a big kiss or romantic confession for two reasons #One: because all of this happens in a day in their perspective and they're going to need like at least a week to process this #Two: I just think it'd be neat to see a platonic/aromantic relationship between them for once #So you can take however their relationship develops afterwards as you see fit!#Personally I'm sticking with they're both oblivious aros because I think more rep is needed #Note: I'm not aro so if I'm fucking this up somehow pleae let me know #Now for actual tags #total drama #td noah #total drama noah #td alejandro #total drama alejandro #total drama au #alenoahweek2024 #alenoah week #alenoah week 2024 #alenoahweek 2024 #giant/tiny #sfw giant/tiny #g/t #perp fanfic #total drama fanfiction

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