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iwritenarrativesandstuff · 1 month

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Killua and the Power of Wishes

Okay going to try and make this coherent because the amount of wish association all through Killua's character development makes me want to chew plaster.

As a fair warning, this analysis ended up being long as hell, and I didn't even include everything I could've said. This is also just one lens to analyze Killua's story arc with, and I feel there are other valid interpretations of some of these moments. This is just one of mine, so keep that in mind please.

One last warning that this analysis does discuss emotional manipulation and abuse, as is par for Killua's background.

Let's set the stage with one important piece of info: Killua's birthday.

Killua's birthday is July 7th, the same day as Tanabata. Tanabata is a folklore-rich festival where according to legend, the two lovers, weaver Orihime and cowherd Hikoboshi, represented by the two stars, Vega and Altair, are allowed to reunite once a year after separation. A popular custom of Tanabata is to make wishes by writing them down on tanzaku, then hang it on a bamboo tree so that the wish might one day come true.

Tanabata is also known as the Star Festival. Please keep this in mind, because I'm going to come back to it.

To finish setting up the lens for this analysis, I'm going to need to dig into the game-changer scene for Killua's early characterization - his confrontation with Illumi at the end of the Hunter Exam, and specifically, the exact nature of Illumi's manipulation of him.

I say "game-changer" because it really is - up until this point, it's kind of fair to not fully know what to think about Killua. Certainly, he seems excited to hang out with Gon (he approached him first, after all) and he's friendly enough, but he's also arrogant and claims to be motivated mainly by boredom. For all intents and purposes, Killua seems set up to be Gon's dangerous yet charismatic rival... but then this scene happens and it completely turns it all on its head.

Because Killua may have mentioned his family was controlling before, but he seriously downplayed the severity of it - likely because he has no point of reference for how awful his situation actually is other than it makes him feel bad and trapped. Illumi's appearance immediately shifts our understanding of Killua from runaway murder kid with annoying murder family to straight-up victim of emotional abuse, and dissolves his cockiness instantly to terror.

What does all this have to do with wishes? Glad you asked. Let's look at some of Illumi's dialogue.

[ID: A screenshot from HxH episode 20 of the 2011 anime. Killua looks up, sweating and conflicted, as Illumi tells him "You don't want anything or wish for anything." End ID.]

This is the crux of Illumi's (and the family's) control. Killua's desires do not align with the family trade. They must be excised from him.

When Killua insists that he does have something that he really wants, Illumi says "Tell me what it is you want", in a mockery of a certain other sibling who would have helped fulfill this wish - Illumi asks only so he can completely dismantle it. And Killua isn't even really surprised at Illumi's words, just heartbroken. You can tell this isn't the first time this sort of thing has happened.

Killua states his wish quite fervently; he really means it. But his words are not rebellious, nor cathartic. Instead, he answers Illumi quietly, as if fearful or ashamed, almost reminiscent of a sinner's confession.

[ID: Two screenshots from HxH episode 20 of the 2011 anime. In the first Killua looks down with a troubled expression, saying "I want to become friends with Gon...". In the second, his face is hidden as he stands with hands clenched at his sides with a spotlight on him. He says "I'm sick of killing people..." End ID.]

It's such an innocent, simple want.

And Illumi proceeds to make him feel like even something so simple is harmful and selfish of him... not to the family, but to Gon.

In a matter of a few minutes, Illumi breaks down Killua's wish by:

Acknowledging this desire, but twisting it into something that will inevitably fade over time, thereby causing Killua to doubt his own conviction and feelings -> "Gon is a novelty, a radiant presence who has piqued your curiosity. No more than that."

Acknowledging that Gon is someone important to Killua, and undermining this by telling him that by his very nature, he will eventually bring harm to Gon, which makes him feel as though Killua cannot trust himself to be a good friend -> "If you try to be friends with him, you will one day want to kill him... because you are, by nature, a murderer." (As a... delightful... bonus, this is also apparently how Silva and Illumi justify their treatment of Killua to him - "This is the essence of your existence and we taught you accordingly." Like they adapted to Killua's nature, instead of them molding Killua into who they wanted him to be.)

Delivering an ultimatum - to fight Illumi and win, or else Gon will die - that Killua is doomed to fail due to his upbringing and the needle in his head. Since Killua doesn't know about the needle, he assumes this is his own personal failure, something Illumi feeds into -> "You're just not qualified to make friends."

And it's the last point that breaks him. The first two shoot down Killua's present wish, but the last proceeds to shatter any hope he might've had of wishing for anything similar in the future - he has told him that his desires are weak, temporary, inherently dangerous to those around him, and worst of all, aren't enough on their own for him to deserve friendship and love from others. And the clincher: Killua feels like all of this is his own fault, that there is something inherently dangerous and wrong with him!

So, it doesn't even matter to Killua anymore if he fails the Hunter Exam. To him, he just failed the only test that mattered.

10/10 manipulation, Illumi. Fuck you, seriously.

Killua's character arc is mainly his quest and struggle to refute Illumi's arguments and to shake off the manipulation and the ways in which his family have molded and controlled him. And by far, the most difficult part of his conditioning to shake off is this idea that he is undeserving of anything more than what he is already given.

It's almost like the family has drilled it into him that wishes are dangerous. How interesting.

Thankfully, however, there are two parties to Killua's wish here - Gon, too, is a part of it, and it is not simply his reciprocated desire to be Killua's friend that saves him, but also his recognition of Killua's situation for what it is (notably, when no one else correctly identified the true issue).

"You know it wasn't his choice. You manipulated him, kidnapping his spirit!"

The ensuing Zoldyck family arc emphasizes that Gon is 100% correct: the main hold Killua's family has on him isn't physical - it's all emotional.

Killua breaks one of his shackles when Milluki threatens to have his new friends killed, but he only breaks the rest when Zeno tells him he's free to go. So, if Killua could break loose at any point, was this still a rescue like Gon said?

Well, yes - just because he absolutely could've broken out physically at any time, that does not mean he could just leave. That's the nature of situations such as this - it's not as simple as "just leaving". Support is necessary, as is actually having something tangible outside the situation to go to - otherwise there is little point to leaving at all. Gon (and Kurapika and Leorio) showing up to free Killua showed him that his wish was reciprocated and allowed him to break one cuff - this is the start of his journey, but he still has a long ways to go. Notably, he again hesitates and closes off when Silva asks what he wants.

[ID: Three panels from HxH chapter 42. In the first, Silva asks Killua "...would you like to see [Gon]?" Killua's expression is complicated in the next panel - he's closed off and uncertain. Silva continues "Be honest, Kil... what do you want?" End ID.]

Killua will backtalk and casually break his shackles and death glare his family... but he's too fearful to voice his wants aloud.

And once again, asked by his father what he wants, he is subtly set up to fail. His wish is granted, but made conditional - "Do not betray your friends", something Killua is regrettably set up to do by virtue of the needle in his head that he, again, doesn't know about. Silva fully expects him to fail and come back home, disillusioned, believing it's his own fault due to his "nature", and trusting in Silva still as a "reasonable" figure in his life.

This condition placed on his friendship is what drives much of Killua's fear and insecurity with regards to Gon for much of the series - the idea that Killua has to earn his right to friendship, and that if he doesn't, he will lose it, one way or another.

It really makes me wish that Killua had actually gotten to hear Gon's views on friendship from the beginning of the Zoldyck Family arc, because it entirely refutes this entire philosophy. He even outright refuses to go through the Testing Gates at first, purely because he thinks the sentiment of needing to prove yourself just to be friends is completely outrageous - he only relents because there is no other way.

[ID: Two screenshots from episodes 21 and 22 of the 2011 HxH anime adaptation. Gon looks up at Illumi and firmly states "[Killua] doesn't need to earn the right to be my friend!" In the second, Gon's face is seen in profile and close up as he asks "Why would you test your friends?" End ID.]

I doubt it would've truly prevented Killua's insecurity from manifesting even if he had heard this, to be honest - his issues with usefulness are very deep-rooted in his upbringing - but still, it would've been nice for him to hear, I think.

However, that's not to say that this exact sentiment doesn't come through in their interactions.

Gon, as Killua's friend, cares about what Killua actually wants and wants to make sure Killua knows that - and that's part of what makes the Whale Island conversation between them really important.

[ID: Two images, both of the same scene from HxH chapter 64, and episode 37 of the 2011 anime. In the manga panel, Gon has turned his head to look at Killua directly, who looks shocked and taken aback, to say "I like hanging out with you." In the anime screenshot, Gon has turned his whole body to face Killua, and says "I think it's fun to be with you." End ID.]

I see a lot of people chalk this up to just Gon being Gon, but it reads to me as much more deliberate than even his usual honesty. He's turned so he's looking directly at Killua, which is a sure way to make his words come across clearly. The lead up to this is Killua, again, not knowing or being able to vocalize what he wants. He doesn't have a goal to work towards like Gon, he only knows what he doesn't want - he's a mix of envious and admiring towards Gon, who knows what he wants and simply goes for it.

But this conversation makes it clear that they have a shared wish - they both want to be friends, and they'd both like to stay together. It's not about earning, to Gon, it's only about if they both want the same thing - mutual, not conditional. There's a nice almost call-and-response type dialogue here, where Gon asserts that he likes spending time with Killua (very directly lol), then shares that Killua is the first friend his age he's had. This prompts Killua to say that Gon is his first friend ever, and that he does have fun with him. And just like that, Gon replies "Then let's stay together!" and pointedly includes Killua's desire to find a goal in their, now shared, upcoming journey.

Overhead, a shooting star appears in the sky. A mutual wish is granted.

[ID: A panel from HxH chapter 64. The night sky is full of stars. In the centre is a shooting star. End ID.]

Hm. Stars. Remember how I told you to keep that in mind, all the way back at the beginning? Their association with Tanabata, making a wish on a shooting star, etc. etc.?

Well, buckle up because this star is going to make you experience so much sadness now.

[ID: Panels from HxH chapter 286. The first is a conversation between Killua and Meleoron where Killua asserts he intends to "go down in flames with [Gon]". When Meleoron looks concerned, Killua brushes off the declaration as a joke. In the second image, Killua is turned away, his outline pale, as Meleoron thinks "Why... did you looks so sad... back there?" The last image is a cloudy night sky filled with stars. At the centre of the panel is a shooting star. End ID.]

Yeah, it makes its reappearance directly after Killua has "jokingly" resolved to die with Gon if it comes down to it, after "since it means nothing to you".

I am assured, in Japanese, the word choice here is 心中 (shinjuu), the word for double suicide, where the intent is to die at the same time in the same manner in order to be reunited in the afterlife. The implication here is that Killua, having increasingly grown insecure in his place by Gon's side but unable to voice this, knowing that Gon is hurtling down the path of no return, thinks back to their conversation under the stars where they both mutually wished to stay together and, because he believes that it is no longer possible for him to help Gon, has resolved to stay by his side in death, and after it.

...holy shit, kid.

[ID: Two screenshots from the 4th ending of the 2011 anime. In the first, Gon and Killua stand back to back as meteors fall around them. In the second, they stand facing away from the audience towards a body of water under a night sky filled with stars - Gon throws a stone, which flashes in the air like a shooting star. End ID.]

And of course, here's the shooting star again in the 2011 anime's Nagareboshi Kirari ending, as well as it being the subject of the song itself and rather explicitly referencing that wish to go on a journey together, to stay together, because... Madhouse hates us. I guess. :'(

What started off as a simple wish for a friend deepened into a wish to always stay by Gon's side. This is largely good at first! Killua is able to explore and experience genuine friendship, to get a taste for freedom, and use the power of his fervent wish to protect his dear friend in order to rid himself of Illumi's needle. However, the more Killua wants, the more he traps these wishes in monologues within his own head and does not voice them aloud. Part of it is that he already feels he's been given much more than he deserves - seeing himself as a creature of darkness and Gon as light - but a greater part of the issue here is not that Killua is afraid to wish for things, but that he is afraid wishing without "compensation" will inevitably lead to horrible repercussions - namely, losing who he loves.

In order to feel worthy of staying with Gon, of earning his friendship, Killua works hard to help Gon achieve his goals, taking on the role of wish grantor, growing to do practically anything needed to support him for seemingly nothing in return - but that's not 100% true. Killua wants at least some appreciation, whether he admits it or not - it's a security thing, and it also clearly makes him happy, even if he's not great at accepting it. He insists in Chimera Ant arc that friends don't need to thank friends, but this declaration always read as very sudden to me or like a rationalization, and it's relevant to remember that this is at the peak of Gon isolating himself and self-destructing before his eyes, and Killua's own insecurity regarding his importance to him.

Killua might not mind doing things without thanks, but that doesn't mean he doesn't like to hear that Gon appreciates him. He clearly does appreciate verbal confirmation of their bond! We know this.

[ID: Two screenshots from the 2011 anime. The first is from episode 61. Killua smiles down at the ground with his hands in his pockets, the colours having gone soft and bright. The second is from episode 70 during the dodgeball match. Gon smiles determinedly in the foreground as Killua looks shocked next to him. End ID.]

Keeping all this in mind, Killua's story, or at least this part of it, couldn't have concluded in a better way than his rescue of Alluka, the wish grantor.

Now, I could probably write an entire other analysis on Alluka and Nanika alone, but for the sake of not making this any longer than I already have, I'm going to go through only a few points. Alluka is incomprehensible to her family because they make no attempt to understand her, with the exception of Killua. The only thing they do seem to understand, when explained to them, is the demands made after Nanika grants a wish - this, of course, fits neatly into their own predetermined views on "earning" and "punishment". However, beyond this, they make no attempt to understand her, and since her power is deemed dangerous and uncontrollable, she is locked away.

They are worried, first and foremost, that Alluka will bring harm to the family, and there's two ways in which this could be true:

As a function of failing to fulfill her requests, of course

Because she, just by existing, threatens the family's status quo

I stated at the beginning that Killua's desires do not align with those of the family business, and he's always apparently been more open to understanding others - he asks Alluka and Nanika questions to understand them, and treats them with respect, while his family are more so focused on subjugating anything that might be a threat. This is what Illumi tried to drill into Killua after all; never fight a superior opponent - everything is about assessments of relative strength, which leaves no room for open-mindedness or getting to know people.

Faced with a daughter who is clearly incomprehensibly powerful, and a son, the would-be inheritor of the family trade, who is showing a disturbing amount of willingness to befriend instead of retreat from her, the family made the decision to excise Alluka not just from where she could "harm" the family power-wise, but also likely to secure their control over Killua, who they then set about practically programming to not have any more wishes for himself, or at least to not be able to vocalize them without fear of loss or retribution.

The family's nickname for Killua is "Kil" or "Killu", which is deeply fascinating to me as a reader - nicknames are expressions of endearment, typically, and I actually don't doubt that here. Killua's family does love him, but their love comes with conditions. He must be molded into the perfect son, and every part of him that doesn't fit must be excised.

So: Killua's memories of Alluka are suppressed with the needle, and she is further cut from his life by dropping the "a" from his name (the Zoldyck children are named like a game of shiratori - Illumi -> Milluki -> Killua -> Alluka -> Kalluto). The nickname is also like a command or order "to kill", which is of course what they want him to do.

Saving Gon through saving Alluka and Nanika forces Killua to have to face down the last and hardest of Illumi's manipulations to shake, and that's the notion that a wish, that kindness and friendship and love, cannot be unconditional without severe repercussions - where the people he cares about get hurt because of him, something he cannot envision being forgiven for.

It's a little sad to me that after spending most of the series struggling against his family's teachings that they didn't lead to Killua betraying Gon at all, as he'd feared... but to him betraying Nanika, by sending her away.

Here is this little girl with a bloodstained past, incredibly powerful and dangerous and capable of amazing feats, treated as some evil thing by those who fear her. But she is kind at heart. Her true strength lies in healing, not killing. And she only takes commands from Killua.

Illumi thinks this is because Killua is the only one with control over her. Killua believes this is because she wants praise. They're both partially correct, but this is not the full reason Nanika does what Killua asks of her.

[ID: Two screenshots from episode 146 of the 2011 anime. In the first, Nanika smiles and says "I love Killua." In the second, Killua looks at her, stricken. End ID.]

Nanika loves him. Everyone has been trying to figure out all these complicated rules and conditions on her wish granting and why Killua is the one exception, but the answer is exceedingly simple. She loves him, and wants to do nice things for him so he can have his wishes granted. It's the only way she knows to get the love that she wants in turn.

Just like her brother, Nanika makes herself useful to earn love and appreciation from someone who accepted her when no one else did.

Even though he knows Nanika just wants to help, he still sees her presence as a danger to the person he sees as pure and innocent who must be protected. He sends her away because her "nature" is to be a threat to Alluka's safety, even if she doesn't intend to be. Killua's fear of Illumi and repercussions causes him to make a horrible mistake.

And Alluka tears into him for it.

[ID: A set of panels from HxH chapter 336. A furious Alluka glares and asks Killua if he made Nanika cry. When Killua stutters, she demands he apologize to her. End ID.]

You tell him, girl.

Oh hey, this looks a little familiar, huh?

"Apologize to Killua!" says Gon to Illumi after Illumi sends Killua away.

Nanika should not be the one punished for the actions of those trying to control her. She certainly shouldn't be forced to leave those she loves, or have to earn love from them.

And neither should Killua.

[ID: Three panels from HxH chapter 336. Alluka yells, tears in her eyes, "If you're going to protect me... you have to protect Nanika too!!" Killua looks shocked, then his eyes widen. End ID.]

It's interesting to me that this is the line that snaps Killua out of his fear enough for him to properly speak with Nanika and apologize. One party cannot receive all the protection, nor can the other only give and give limitlessly.

Killua makes it clear to Nanika when speaking with her that he will protect her, and that she doesn't need to earn affection from people by granting their wishes. He promises they will both be there for each other - Killua will praise her whenever she wants, and not just when she does something for him, but he also doesn't refuse Nanika's desire to grant his wishes. It's mutual, not conditional.

And on the heels of this "betrayal", Killua asks for what he never thought he could receive - forgiveness. And even though Nanika is clearly still very upset...

[ID: Two screenshots from episode 146. In the first, Nanika and Killua face each other, both of them teary. Nanika says "Kay." In the second, he has pulled her into a hug. Nanika is teary, her fingers gripping Killua's back tightly. End ID.]

...she doesn't even have to think about it.

I do think Killua still has a ways to go, but he is in a position right now to learn from his relationship with his sisters about balance - that love is not just selfless devotion, but also allowing those who love you to help you and make you happy too. I think that's what unconditional love is, in a way - supporting and working together with the people you love to make each other's wishes come true.

#oh my god this was supposed to be a brief write-up what happened 😭#ugh i feel like this is a bit of a mess and there's infinite other little points i could've made or elaborated on or interpreted differentl #but i'm so tired lmao #anyways tldr fuck you illumi you suck #killua is a snarky little shit but he also has so much love in his tiny body and i think we should appreciate him forever and ever #this also accidentally turned into alluka and nanika appreciation. i love them #nanika sweet angel i love you so much i hope you get all the head pats in the world #ghhh i'm so scared this doesn't make sense anymore i've been working on it for almost a week #hunter x hunter #hxh #hxh meta #killua zoldyck #call me ace detective the way i am ace. and also a detective.#storyrambles #also that one scene where gon turns to look directly at killua and tells him he has fun being with him makes me jdfhbvsdjfbvh #he's so intense about it i start laughing. no wonder killua basically just went ??!?!?!?! and like. leaned back because i think i would've #done the same lmaoooo #it's very sweet though :')#argh. gotta post. i need to stop hesitating. let's go.

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skzhua · 5 months

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Caroling to my Heart

MASTERLIST

Pairing: Lee Minho x Female!Reader

Genre: Inspired by A Christmas Carol, Christmas love story, angst, fluff.

Word Count: 14,653

Warnings: Swearing, talks of regrets, mentions of alcohol, heartbreaks.

Summary: Christmas is meant to be spent with your loved ones. Minho stopped loving a long time ago.

A/N: Credits to my boyfriend for the general idea of the plot (story is all me, though)

November nearing its end, Chrismas was approaching quickly. Children playing in the snow, shops filled with decorations to sell for the holidays, sales everywhere for presents shopping, music playing everywhere you go; truly the most wonderful time of the year.

At least, that's what most people think.

Chan has always loved Christmas. He always took it as an opportunity to gather up with his college friends with whom life was always enjoyable. Jeongin had recently gotten a promotion at work which he took very seriously, Hyunjin finally opened his dog rescue center a few years back, Felix was happily getting married in the following spring, Seungmin had finally started to get recognition for his stand up comedy shows, Changbin had entered a production company with Chan, and Jisung was finally seeing someone after not daring to date for years.

And then, there is Minho.

Him and Chan used to be the closest friends ever, and Minho was always the life of the party. He messed around in college, got good grades, made his way up to become a successful lawyer. Overall, things had turned out pretty well for him.

What Minho considered as his biggest accomplishment was his lover. The apple of his eyes, the prettiest woman he had ever laid eyes upon, the sunshine of his life. Y/N was in the same major as him, one of the top students. It started out as a very typical college love story. He was annoying her, she found him funny, they were paired for a project, they got closer, and they got together in a matter of weeks. From that point, life was perfect. They moved out together after college, adopted a ton of cats, went on so many trips outside of the country... they even got engaged.

That was until Minho messed it all up, losing everything he loved the most in one go.

Ding dong.

Jumping at the sound, Minho takes a second to recover and puts the movie he was watching on pause. He checks the clock; it is 7 o'clock in the evening. He wasn't expecting anybody to visit him. Nonetheless, he goes over his front door and looks into the peephole. He isn't surprised to see Chan waiting patiently with a plastic bag in hands. He rolls his eyes in annoyance before letting his friend in, greeting him boringly.

"Hey, Chan," he says before yawning loudly.

The older man looks him up and down, analyzing every bit of his friend's appearance. "Wow, you look like shit."

Minho doesn't answer, giving Chan the death stare instead. "What do you want?"

"Well," he starts while allowing himself to get comfortable on the couch. "Jisung is presenting his new girlfriend to us and because you didn't answer in the group chat, I thought I would check on you."

"Tonight? No, I have to get up early tomorrow."

Chan's shoulders drop as Minho, once again, declines an invitation. "You haven't come to see us in months."

Minho shrugs, visibly not seeing a problem. "I'm just very busy. I have cases coming in all the time and I can't trust my associate to work on them."

"You're overworking yourself, a break would do you some good. Besides, we miss you."

It's not that he doesn't want to see his friends, of course he does. He just knows very well he'll only end up ruining the night by not being the funny guy he used to be.

"I don't know."

Chan takes a nicely ironed shirt out of his plastic bag and puts it on the coffee table in front of him, and stands up to walk to the door. "You're welcomed to drop by if you change your mind. It's at the restaurant we used to go in college."

"Why the shirt?" Minho's eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"Consider it as an early Christmas gift from me."

After throwing a small smile his way, Chan opens the door and leaves. Minho finds himself alone again, perplexed. He approaches the shirt and scrutinizes it. It's a designer piece which does not surprise him, Chan has always been the kind to go an extra mile for his loved ones. Looking at the clock again, it indicates 7:20 P.M. Does he still have time to go? It would mean he has to shower, get dressed, drive all the way to the restaurant... Right, that specific restaurant.

He will visit his friends, just not tonight.

2 years ago.

Christmas was the most important holiday to Y/N. It brought so much nostalgia to her and she absolutely adored every aspect of it. Baking cookies and go ice skating were part of the many activities she loved doing in December.

This was also the first year she had to spend it away from her family. She didn't regret choosing to study so far away from home but it hurt nonetheless. It would be difficult and Minho knew that.

Y/N had to work an extra shift that night if she wanted the day of Christmas Eve off. It was ridiculous, she thought. As if the restaurant really needed her to stay so late. Coming home, Y/N was so glad to finally be able to relax as she climbed up the stairs.

Meanwhile, Minho was waiting excitedly at the front door of their shared apartment. He made sure the gingerbread cookies were all ready to be assembled to construct a house, checked if the Christmas lights were working fine, and put a playlist of Y/N's favourite holiday songs on his speaker.

"Soonie!" he yelled frantically at his cat as he saw him get on the counter. "You don't want to ruin your mama's night, do you?"

He picked him up and brought it close to his body, petting his head lovingly. Needless to say, this couldn't be a cuter sight to have when Y/N walked in.

"Hey, my two favourite boys," she chuckled at them before taking in how well-decorated the home was. "Min, did you set up all this?"

Her boyfriend put his pet down before bringing her into his arms. "I did. You've been feeling off recently, I thought it'd be a good idea to cheer you up. And since Christmas is next week, why not decorate cookies for the occasion?"

"You made gingerbread cookies?!"

Y/N's eyes lit up from seeing the baked goods and she rushed to go sit at the counter. Minho smiled at himself, proud he had managed to lit up her inner light just a little.

"Thank Felix for these."

"Well, thank you Felix."

Present.

Minho remembers every night she came home from that workplace. He always tried to make her feel better each time, Y/N despised working so late but she somehow always stayed positive.

How much he misses her.

Minho gasps for air, sweat all over his body. He had another nightmare, nothing unusual. What is odd is the phone ringing nonstop at this hour of the day; 4 o'clock. Who in their right mind would call someone so early?

"What?"

The person on the other side of line doesn't respond, Minho can only hear them breathe unsteadily.

"Hello?"

"Minho," Jisung finally speaks. "Sorry to bother you this early."

"It's 4:00 A.M."

"I know, I know. Just, I'm getting worried about you and I can't call you tomorrow –well, today– or you'll say you're busy with work as always. You're not okay and I think you could use a friend."

Although not wrong, his statement fueled Minho with annoyance and frustration. He doesn't need help, or anyone for that matter.

"Minho?" Jisung speaks up again as he doesn't get a response.

"Good night, Jisung," he simply says with the intention of hanging up.

"Wait!" he hurries to stop him. "If you don't want to talk for your own sake, at least do it for mine. Not just mine, the other guys' too."

Sure, Minho hates talking about his feelings. Still, he's not a monster and cares a lot about his friends nonetheless. Feeling a bit obligated, he agrees.

"So, uhm, who's your new girlfriend?" he asks, getting uncomfortable already.

"She's a friend of Jeongin. Remember that girl he worked with in college? Well, that's her. She's so nice, I wonder why Jeongin hadn't introduced me to her sooner. She kind of reminds me of..." he trails off but stops himself before stepping out of line.

"I'm happy for you two. I'm sorry I couldn't come."

Jisung lets out a huff. "Thank you but I know you could have, you just didn't want to."

"That's not-"

"Don't lie, Minho," he cuts him off. "You didn't come because of her, am I right? Because of Y/N again?"

Minho can feel his heart tighten while his friends keeps going at it, insisting on speaking about her. He doesn't want to, is it so hard to understand?

"Let's not talk about her."

"That's the problem, Minho. You never want to open up about it."

"She left. What is there more to say?"

"How you're coping with all, how we can help-"

"The only thing you can do to help is leave me alone. I'm doing just fine. Talking was a bad idea, I should go back to bed."

"Min..." Jisung says in a desperate voice.

"Good night."

As he hangs up, he can sense it might have gone too far. Regardless, he discards his phone on his nightstand and buries his body in his bedsheets. He hears meowing coming from the entrance of his room. A second later, his cat Dori jumps on the mattress to come and lay next to him. Minho reluctantly cuddles the cat back, his last one he got with Y/N. Dori is technically her baby but she left so suddenly that Minho had no other choice but to keep him.

"Where are your brothers?" he whispers affectionately to the ball of fur who replies with some more purring. "Are Soonie and Doongie sleeping too?"

Chan is probably the only one able to get Minho out of his house, especially during Christmas time. Maybe it is guilt or shame that he feels, but Minho hasn't been so great ever since he had his early chitchat with Jisung. Shopping for presents wasn't what he had in mind when he thought of making up for it but Chan insisted it would be a good idea.

"Look," he says while pointing at the pig plush on the top of the pile. "It looks like Changbin."

Minho shrugs. "I guess it does."

"What about this?"

He looks boringly at the shirt Chan is showing. Yeah, maybe he should have done something else to make the most of his day off. A good meal at home seems so much more appealing to him.

"Come on," Chan encourages him. "Enjoy a bit."

"I am enjoying, look," Minho tries to convince him with a forced smile.

"Hmm, maybe it's time to go to the food court and take a break."

Dragging his friend behind, Chan moves from restaurant to restaurant in search of a meal for his lunch. After a while of debating internally, he settles for a hamburger. As for Minho, rice with pork seems to be tasty enough. They sit at a table and start to eat in silence. Minho looks around the place, watching people chat and laugh. He sees one couple in particular and they remind him too much of Y/N. Adverting his gaze from this spot, he focuses back on his food before speaking.

"I was thinking of buying a new hoodie for Jisung."

Chan is surprised his friend is even conversing with him but smiles. "A hoodie? Doesn't he have plenty of them already?"

"He does but he sent me a picture of one specifically the other day."

"Then you should buy it for him. Have you heard from him, by the way?"

Minho gulps. "No."

Although suspicious, Chan doesn't push it. They quickly finish their lunch and decide to head towards a clothing store to find Jisung's present. At a certain point, they unconsciously part ways as they look at different pieces of clothing. Minho would look for Chan but he has the hoodie to find. Chan is fine on his own anyway, he tells himself. He goes to the right section and begins to browse through each item. He frowns as he inspects them, not convinced these would be appropriate for his friend.

"Minho?"

He freezes in place. Has he gone crazy or has he just heard Y/N's voice?

"Minho," she says again.

Finally turning around, he is somewhat relieved that it isn't his former girlfriend, but her sister. "Deena," he greets her politely.

"It's been a while, wow. How have you been?" she asks cheerfully, too much in his opinion.

"Nothing much."

She seems taken aback by the short length of his answer. Minho used to be the nicest man she knows. Of course, she doesn't know the full story about what happened. Nonetheless, she still considers Minho as family. So seeing him so lifeless in front of her is quite a shocker.

"I'm in a bit of a rush but we should go grab coffee soon and catch up," she suggests but from the look on Minho's face, she knows she shouldn't have.

"I'm pretty busy."

"Alright," she answers, uneasy. "I'll see you around then."

"Yeah."

Without adding anything, he resumes to looking through the hoodies. Deena eventually leaves and Minho feels like he can breathe again.

He has nothing against his former "sister-in-law" but seeing her so unexpectedly is not something he has prepared himself for. He will go grab a coffee with her when he feels ready to.

Chan comes back a few minutes after with a couple of black shirts and an oversized pair of jeans he picked for Jeongin. As they wait to pay for their things, Minho can feel that Chan has something to say. It wasn't an abnormal occurrence but this time feels like it's eating him inside.

"What is it?"

Chan hesitates for a second. "It was Deena, right?"

He hums. "Yes."

"I'm running out of ways to tell you appropriately but you need to get your shit together. The girl did nothing to you and she seemed to be on the verge of crying when she left the store."

Minho rolls his eyes, like always. "What do you want me to do? Run after her and apologize? I didn't do anything."

"Exactly. Dude, everyone around you is getting sick of your way of dealing with what happened. Sure, your feelings are valid. This doesn't mean you have to inflict your pain onto us. We only want to help," Chan responds, not realizing his tone is increasing more and more.

"Always wanting to play the good savior, uh?" Minho scoffs. "In front of strangers too? Look, I don't need you to tell me how to be. You're not my dad or anything."

"I took you under my wing in college, of course I'm still looking out for you."

"That was back then. I don't need your pity anymore."

Chan's jaw clenches as the two men stare right into the eye. The cashier awkwardly calls for them to proceed to payment which breaks their staring contest. They hurry to pay before storming out of the mall, both of them fuming with anger. The moment they get into Chan's car, the latter explodes.

"This has lasted long enough. How long has it been now? A year?"

"Eleven months," Minho corrects.

"Whatever, same difference. My point is that it might be time for you to move on or at least stop being such a pain in the ass."

Minho's eyebrows raise as he lets out a chuckle. "I didn't know such strong words could come out of your mouth."

"Minho," Chan says in a warning tone.

"So what if I'm not as easygoing as before? You don't understand how it feels anyway."

"Help me understand, then!"

"You just wouldn't!"

He surprised himself by yelling so harshly. The hint of regret creeps up but he tries to hide it by looking away. They both know this is the end of this conversation, neither want to continue anyway. Chan starts the car and the ride home can't be any worse. The tension is so heavy, he swears he feels his body crushing.

Still in silence, he drops Minho off in front of his apartment complex and drives away. Face blank, Minho goes in his building and lazily enters the elevator. It's like he's in a daze, not fully aware of himself. Before he knows it, he's back home sitting at his counter with three cats waiting patiently in front of him as they expect him to fill their bowls with food. But he remains still and stares at nothing in particular. Has he gone too far this time?

In all of the people he knows, Chan is the last one he would have thought to snap at him so harshly. Most importantly, he never thought he'd yell at him for no reason. For the first time in a while, Minho allows one single tear drop from his eye.

Christmas has come. Well, almost. Work has been the same and no contact have been made with anyone for the last week or so. The lack of human interaction felt both good and bad, but mostly aching.

Every day is the same, Minho realizes. Waking up, eating a very mediocre peanut butter toast with coffee, scrolling through his feed on social medias, getting dressed, going to work, bossing his ass off in return of a less than decent pay, coming back home, eating, washing up, going to bed, sleeping, only to do the same all over again the next day.

In a way, he loves not having to think about planning things out. On the other hand, his life is becoming more and more dull with less of a purpose. Why is he alive for if it's only to do the same task over and over again?

For a change, Minho decides to start a Christmas film instead of rotating watches of the same five movies. A mistake he does is not reading the synopsis before pushing play on the remote. He settles comfortably on his couch while Soonie and Doongie cuddle next to him. Dori is somewhere nearby, playing with a piece of paper Minho had dropped on the floor earlier that week.

At first, the show is boring he thinks. The more the story develops, however, the more he sees the resemblance between himself and the protagonist. The movie is A Christmas Carol, one Y/N once had begged him to watch with her. Scrooge is very unlikable, there is no denying in that. But Minho tries to ignore the similarities he shares with him and keeps on watching the screen in silence. At some point, it simply became impossible to ignore the tightness in his chest. In an abrupt move, he turns the TV off, picks up his two cats, and heads to bed.

Christmas is so near, he thinks as he is watching his alarm clock getting closer to midnight. He really does his best to not make a big deal out of it but his mind can't stop having these images of Y/N, his friends, Christmas... everything. He can't escape pain, no matter what.

Thankfully, Dori comes in his room to join the other felines which distracts him for a second, just long enough so he can finally fall asleep.

The clock indicates 11:55 P.M. when Minho is in a deep sleep and the only sounds that can be heard throughout the whole flat are the appliances running and the cats snoring. Maybe some snores are coming from the man himself but they are faint. Slowly, Doongie wakes up. He wiggles around to find a new comfortable position but fails and falls off the bed. Luckily, cats always land on their feet. He was going to hop back on the bed but a weird sound catches his attention. It sounds like a bell. Curious, he comes out of the room in attempt to find where it comes from. But nothing. Or maybe there is something.

A faint light can be perceived from the bottom of the front door. The cat carefully gets closer, lowering his body. In a single snap, something flies right from under the door and moving straight into Minho's room which scares Doongie well enough to go hide in his cat tree and let out a cry.

This immediately wakes Minho up as his instinctive cat dad senses take over but it is soon replaced with an unsettling feeling as he sees the bright light in front of him. He squints as it almost blinds him but he wants to know what it is. He can feel his heartbeat increase by the second as the source of light gets closer and closer. Holding his breath, he shut his eyes closed and moves his head away from whatever that is. Until he hears a sigh too familiar to his liking.

He dares to open his eyes and his shoulders drop at the sight. "Chan?"

It's not exactly Chan, it is more of a ghost-like version of him. He wears a very formal suit with his hair styled with gel and his body is translucent, making Minho very skeptical. This is a dream, he thinks. Chan is very much alive and very much not in his apartment. Certainly not after the events of the other day.

"I see you didn't even reach out to me."

Minho frowns and looks around the room as if to make sure he really is speaking to him. "What do you mean?"

Chan chuckles, his voice sounding more like an echo. "After our fight, dumbass! Come on, you weren't going to leave things as it is until Christmas."

He checks his alarm clock quickly. "Well, it is Christmas."

"In five minutes," Chan smirks at him. "I know the past few months have been hard on you."

"Great, even my subconscious is trying to fix me," he whispers to himself, loud enough that the ghost-like figure hears it.

"As in a dream?" Minho nods to the question only for Chan to laugh some more. "You're funny. Anyway, I'm not here for fun. I'm here to help you."

"You tried that already," Minho grumbles in an annoyed voice but receives a shook of the head as an answer.

"My human self tried, I haven't tried yet. You see, I only appear if I'm really needed and your case is a pretty severe one."

Minho tries to protest but is quickly shushed.

"Look, this is a night shift on Christmas Eve, I don't want this any more than you do so let's do it quickly. I'll send you three spirits tonight before it hits midnight. They'll guide you through your entire life and help you make the right choice. Got it?"

"Midnight is in five minutes."

"I know."

"But-"

"You'll understand," Chan cuts him off. "As for now, bon voyage."

Not even conscious that he had been awake —or dreaming— Minho hears a snap of fingers before opening his eyes widely and gasping for air as he wakes up. He is still somewhat confused, but rather glad this was simply a dream. He can feel that the sweat has gone through his pyjamas and makes a face out of disgust.

Quickly, he eats breakfast and freshens up before leaving for work. Yes, he is working on Christmas day. This might be the only way he can get distracted from everything going wrong in his life.

As he approches his work building, he notices a young man. He looks awfully similar to Jeongin but not quite. Curiosity gets the best of him, however, and Minho instinctively walks up to the man. He takes a moment to scan his appearance: he's shorter than Jeongin, has light golden hair and wears loose white streetwear clothing. He also takes notes on the grey of his eyes.

"Lee Minho!" he says cheerfully before Minho could let out a single word.

The man jumps in surprise. "Jeongin?"

He shakes his head as a no and smiles brightly. "No, my name is P."

"P..." Minho repeats slowly, slightly confused.

"Shall we go in?"

He doesn't wait for an answer as he begins to walk and Minho automatically follows him into his building, assuming this boy might be a new worker in his firm. They hop onto the elevator together and P pushes the button to level 7. As Minho is about to look for his own floor, he notices something odd. The building has 26 levels. So why the hell are the numbers going up to 30? He slowly turns to come face to face with the younger man who keeps a wide smile on his face, fear creeping in.

"Who are you?" he dares to ask.

"I told you, I'm P!" the boy repeats with an even bigger grin, almost creepy. "Short for Past."

Oh. Oh no. It all suddenly clicks in Minho's head. Either this is a dream occuring because of the movie he had watched before going to bed or this is his own story of A Christmas Carol. He pinches the side of his arm, hoping he would be back in his room but it only results to him hissing in pain.

"Do you remember your Christmas when you were seven years old?" Minho can only glare at him but P doesn't seem to care. "This might refresh your memories."

The doors of the elevator open right after and not only are they not in his workplace anymore but the setting is exactly as he remembers it from his childhood. They are right on the street of his parents' home. The street is empty, understandably so because of the light snow falling down and the cold weather. It is early in the morning and his childhood home looks much smaller than he remembers, and in a much poorer state.

P walks out first before turning around, encouraging Minho to follow. "Can they see me?"

"No."

The answer satifies Minho and he finally steps out of the elevator, letting himself get led by this Jeongin look-alike. He wonders why this specific time was chosen in all of his years of life. He ponders the idea of asking P but it soon vanishes when he spots his younger self coming out of the house with his parents observing him in a loving way. A knot forms in his belly. He hasn't talked to his parents since Y/N left. Are they doing okay? Maybe he should have called a few times at least.

"Can we bring one home?" younger Minho asks his mom, eyes full of hope.

"Do you want a kitten as your Christmas gift?" his mother asks and the child happily nods. "We'll go see the cats and I'll think about it, okay?"

Satisfied enough, he skips down the street while humming a Christmas song. Oddly enough, it is Y/N's favourite: Winter Wonderland.

Minho watches his former self with nostalgia. He remembers the moment perfectly. This was the first time he ever owned a cat after begging his mother to get one years after years. He had named her Nala, which he thought was very clever at the time.

"Can we follow them?"

P takes his hand, much to Minho's surprise, and they begin to float just slightly above ground and fly right to where his past self is. He doesn't question the spirit about how this works and resumes to watching himself coo at the cats. For a brief moment, his eyes advert from the scene and land on his parents. But there is something catching his attention. He sees his father emptying his wallet as well as his mom before they give it to the worker. His breath gets heavier as he looks back and forth from them to himself.

"Is this why my mother stopped going out for tea with her friends? And why my father couldn't take my mother out for dates? They used to argue so much about it..." Minho almost whispers.

"Parents make great sacrifices for their children," P says longingly.

"Why didn't they tell me?"

P shrugs. "Probably because you were a literal child but also because they didn't want you to feel bad."

"My grandmother would have helped us in an instant if she knew."

P shrugs again. "They didn't want help."

He easily catches on why the ghost brought him at this exact moment. Just in time, Minho gets a hold of himself and says in incoherent words that he won't fall for P's tricks. The latter isn't nearly fazed by this statement and he takes the man's hand to bring him back to the elevator in a quick flying trip.

After the door closes, Minho is relieved that he can finally go back home. That is until P pushes the button for level 18 which earns a frown from Minho.

"Aren't we done?"

"No, you have other things left to see before I send you back. Well, a few more years to see."

"And me at 18 years old was an important year?"

P sends him a knowing look but he acts clueless, as if he doesn't know what happened back then although it's painfully obvious he does. Denial is the best way to cope, isn't it?

The doors open to the hallway of his college dorm he used to share with Chan. He can instantly recognize the said-man and Changbin joking around before they walk in his dorm. Without waiting for P, Minho follows and freezes when he stumbles upon Y/N. This moment was merely over two months into their relationship but he could tell he already knew she was his everything at that time.

Y/N greets the two boys and encourages them to put their wrapped presents under the mini Christmas tree she had insisted on making to display in his small living room. Meanwhile, a nearly adult Minho is unwrapping takeout as he watches the scene with a huge smile.

"What took you two so long?" he asks, walking towards the group with the food in hands.

"Chan's fault," Changbin immediately accuses, earning a stare from the older man.

"Not true."

"I'm not the one who lost Hyunjin's present."

Hyunjin's eyes lit up. "You got me a present?"

A small smirk appears on Chan's face. "I got all of you a present."

"Even me?"

Minho's heart tightens. He still struggles to listen to your voice and because you were there physically in front of him, it pains him so much more.

"Even you."

"Can we open them?" Felix asks, eyes lighting up.

"After eating," younger Minho says in a stern voice. "Otherwise, you'll get your dirty ass hands on the gifts, or on anything for that matter."

Y/N glances at Jisung with a knowing smirk that his friend returns, something he hadn't caught onto back then. She still hastens to give Minho a hand with all of the food dishes, not forgetting to give a napkin to each person. He knows he can be a bit peculiar with keeping his place tidy and he never wanted Y/N to feel pressured with that. Still, it visibly seemed to have been a common issue she and Jisung had with him.

"Y/N, I thought you were supposed to go back home for the holidays," Seungmin tells with food already being chewed in his mouth.

"I was," she confirms. "Minho and I determined we wanted to spend our first Christmas together and, sorry, but I rather be here than with my aunts. They were going to be all over me about not knowing what I want to do with life, I can spare myself from it."

The whole group lets out a laugh as they go on with their feast before discussing all sorts of things. Hyunjin and Chan are in the corner laughing their asses off, much to Minho's dismay who is keeping a close look at his white carpet. Hyunjin has always been clumsy and this wouldn't be the first time he spills something.

Present Minho watches it all, fully aware of what is about to happen. He never regretted getting mad at his friend for a small spoil but this kind of behaviour is one of the many that contributed to his separation. He sees what P is trying to do by showing him this.

"I get the point, can we go?"

P chuckles. "After you know what."

In shame, he observes from the corner of the eye himself exploding at Hyunjin for staining the carpet, Chan nagging at him for doing so, the boys uncomfortably watching the scene as they back away from him... and he catches a glimpse of Y/N getting the necessities to get rid of the sauce stain, not even complaining.

"I think we're good here," he tries again to convince P.

He receives a playful smirk from the spirit. "Are you sure?"

Minho groans but, nonetheless, nods. "Please."

P is quick to grab his hand and fly right back into the elevator, doors shutting behind them. He does give Minho a minute or two to recuperate from the sight before pushing the button 24. Minho's eyes are stuck on the lit up number and gulps, feeling suddenly hotter. That was last year.

"Don't you have another Christmas to show me before..." he trails off.

He is met with no answer and has to settle for the tranquility of the metal box going up. Anxiety keeps letting itself known through his body the more the number rises. Finally, after what felt like eternity to him, the ding sound signals that they have reached the level.

"You might want to prepare yourself for this one."

Minho huffs and glares at the ghost as to tell him "no shit". The doors slide open and they are already in his apartment. At least, P was kind enough to spare him from reliving what triggered the actual argument.

His cats are all doing their thing as normally. All seems out of the ordinary until he feels footsteps through the ground. He takes a deep breath in and watches Y/N barge into the place, hair messy and tears streaming down her face. The guilt pit down in his stomach when he sees himself step inside after you, throwing his scarf carelessly on a chair.

"Are you going to talk at least?" he asks, looking down at Y/N who scoffs at her boyfriend's question.

How dare he is the one demanding explanations from her?

"Are you going to talk about it?" she questions back, crossing her arms on her chest.

"Oh, come on, I didn't do anything."

"Telling everyone you want to call off the engagement is something."

P hisses in a disapproving way. "Man, you outdid yourself with this one."

"Shut up."

Y/N still waits for Minho to speak up but nothing comes out of his mouth other than his unsteady breathing. In a swift manner, she walks behind the counter and fills their cats' bowls in the meantime of waiting still for her lover to say something. But the man stays where he is, observing his surroundings in awkwardness.

"Minho," she finally calls out.

"I didn't call off the engagement."

"Really? Saying getting married is bullshit isn't telling everyone you don't want to marry me?"

"It's not like that. I meant it's not a necessity for us to know we love each other."

"You don't get that marriages can mean something other than that, it's so much more."

"It's an excuse to spend thousands of dollars on things that will last a day or two at most."

Y/N buried her face in her hands as she let out a groan. "You've always been like this."

"Realistic?"

"No, a grumpy old man. You can't see the beauty in anything."

Minho smirks for a second. "I see beauty in you."

"Don't try with your sweet words, Lee Minho," she says, raising a finger up at him. "You know exactly what I mean. I can give you so many examples. Firstly, you never buy me anything on Valentine's day because it's a marketing holiday. Then, you want every single aspect to be perfect and at their exact place although life isn't like this. And finally, you just see the negative everywhere, always pointing out what is wrong. What happened to my sweet Minho who would smile at the slightest thing?"

He remains quiet as he sits on one of the dining table's chairs. Not knowing what to do next, Y/N copies his actions and gets seated in front of him. They don't dare to look at each other just yet but Minho most definitely wants to. His ego too big, he doesn't budge.

"Minho, please," she begged.

"Alright, it's enough."

P lets out a huff. "The action barely started."

Clenching his jaw, he doesn't insist more and settles on looking at the ground while the scene he had been trying to forget about for almost a year was happening right in front of him. Minho hates it, his heart is bleeding in pain.

"I've grown, maybe that's something you should consider doing as well," he hears himself say.

Curiosity gets the best of him and he can't contain himself from looking at her, he never knew how she had reacted to his words. The view he has in front of his eyes makes his heart shatter in an instant. He swears he can see her soul leave her body just now. Had he really done this to her?

"What- Min, I-" she tries to speak, but struggles.

"Y/N, we want different things now."

She chokes out on her tears, the ones that she finally lets stream down her face since she had been containing them. She hated crying, especially with Minho.

"No, we want the same things," she affirms, her voice breaking. "You've just become too obnoxious and focused on your career that you don't see it anymore."

"You think I'm the obnoxious one? Y/N, have you seen yourself?" Minho asks in a loud voice as he gets up from his chair. "You're so full of bullshit with your positivity and ignorance towards actual problems, it makes me sick. Take the cat, for example. We don't have space for a third one but yet, here is Dori who can't even behave properly. And your Christmas decoration is taking too much space too."

"This is about space now?"

"Yes, I need space! And I'm sorry I cancelled our last date but I just can't deal with you right now. You're in the way and I can't work and- Fuck, I don't know how to tell you but we can't keep on going like this."

Her breathing is becoming more unsteady while the tears are still flooding out of her eyes. Present Minho approches her and tries to put a hand on her shoulder, but it goes through. Right, he forgot. He is not really there.

"I didn't want to call off our engagement. But maybe I do now."

Slowly, she gets up and walks towards their shared bedroom which leaves a perplexed and helpless Minho standing alone in the middle of his dining room. He hears unknown noises and hesitates on whether he should go to you or wait. But again, his ego takes over and he stays right where he is.

Soon later, only a couple of minutes, he sees Y/N walk out of the bedroom with one bag and two suitcases full of her belongings. His face dropped immediately.

"You're leaving?" he asks, desperate. No answer. "For how long?" Still silent. "Y/N, please, I know we can figure it out."

Her lower lip quivers as she sobs some more, trying her best to ignore the man in front of her. She dares to walk towards their front door, not acknowledging her lover for one second.

"My love, please," Minho tries once more.

And just like that, she walks out, door shutting quietly behind her.

"We've seen enough."

P is about to say no when he catches Minho's watery eyes. He taps himself on the back mentally, he didn't think he would break down so fast. Taking him by the forearm, he leads him towards the elevator. The doors slide shut rather fast, which Minho is thankful for. In a careful move, P presses the ground floor button and the elevator goes down.

Once arrived, the doors reveal Minho's bedroom. It looks the same as it did the night before. Minho takes notes on that, it means his night is far from being over.

"I don't think I'll be able to sleep."

"You will," P reassures. "I'll leave you alone, now. It was my pleasure being your guide for tonight."

As the two men exchange a small smile, more as a form of respect, P begins to glow, brighter and brighter. So much that Minho can't even look at him anymore and is blinded. He tried to look away but even then with his eyes closed, the light goes through.

Suddenly, there's nothing.

The morning is brighter than he thought it would be. He swears he saw on the news the day prior that Christmas day was going to be gloomy. The blue sky with the sun shining is definitely a pleasant surprise.

Enough with admiring the weather, Minho finishes rapidly his coffee, grabs his briefcase, and heads out to work. As he walks towards his building, he can't help but think of his dream from last night. He did expect dreaming of Y/N but not having to relive the day she left so vividly.

As he is about to cross the road, he feels his body collide with someone which is soon followed with the feeling of burnt. He curses out loud and is considering telling the other person off. Only, it is someone he hasn't seen in a while and who has a face he definitely recognizes.

"Hyunjin?"

The man cocks his head to the side and frowns. "Are you Mr. Lee?"

Minho, as equally confused, nods. "You don't recognize me?"

The Hyunjin look-alike seems to take notice of his whereabouts and clears his throat. "I apologize, sir. This is my first year working as a guiding spirit. Shall we start over? Hi, my name is P."

Suddenly, Minho has flashbacks of his encounter with the boy of the same name. Was he still in the dream? Or was the Chan spirit saying the truth? He feels a lump growing inside of his throat as the P man in question goes on about himself.

"I'm sincerely sorry about the coffee I spilled, let me fix this," he says before splashing Minho's figure with gold dust. The stain instantly disappears. "Now, where was I..? Oh, right! I'm P, short for Present. I was assigned to you to review your Christmas of this year."

At this point, Minho doesn't have it in him to protest. Without saying a word, he walks in the building as P follows him behind. This one spirit is much giddier than the previous one. The moment he steps in the elevator, he does nothing but look around nervously. It is with a heavy sigh that Minho empresses himself to push the button next to 25.

"I thought I forgot something, thanks," P laughs nervously, receiving a glare in return.

The ride up is quiet and awkward but when the doors open, they both step out in sync and walk along the trail of snow. The Christmas market is an event that the real Hyunjin takes part in each year. He always contributed with an animal rescue center to help them give puppies up for adoption.

This year is especially important to him, it is the first time he does it with his own dog rescue shelter. For the occasion, a few of the boys promised him they would come by to encourage him. Including Minho.

Far from the distance, Minho sees Felix and Seungmin arguing about whatever while Chan greets warmly their friend who has just finished setting his booth up.

"Guys, come look at the doggies," he calls the younger men who rush to pet the furry creatures.

"I'd call this one Seungmin," Felix jokes as he picks up a baby labrador.

Hyunjin laughs at the comment. "Her name is Daisy."

"Not very original," Felix allows himself to point out to which Hyunjin chuckles again.

His laughs trails off while he looks around, brows furrowed. "Didn't Minho say he'd come too?"

Chan sighs heavily, giving one of the poodles some scratches. "I called him but he didn't answer. Plus, we had an argument last time I saw him so I don't think he'll come."

"About Y/N again?" Seungmin asks and Chan nods. "The number of times I told her to talk it out with him, she really should call him. The guy is getting on my nerves."

Minho's heart stops for a moment. Not only because he finally knows what his friend thinks of him but also because he apparently has been in contact with Y/N, without his knowledge. He thought all of his friends haven't heard from you since.

"I told her too but what can I say? They're both stubborn," Felix shrugs. "I thought of stopping by her place today to see how she's doing but Minho would kill me if he discovers."

"Oh, please. He'd kill you if you even mention her name."

The four men share a sad laugh before changing topics. Hyunjin is careful with each dog as he introduces them one by one. All of it becomes a blur for Minho, he doesn't know if he wants to leave now or listen more to it. As much as it hurts him, he can't help but be curious.

"Did you know this?" he finally says, turning his body towards P.

"I did read it on the report paper before meeting you but, hey, I don't know you all," he responds with his hands up in defense. "We can go see her if you want."

Minho ponders for a moment. Was he ready to face her once again?

"No. Not yet."

"As you wish. Your friends are having a party tonight if you didn't know. We have to see that."

"I know, yeah."

P takes his hand as they float away all the way to Changbin's house. Before setting foot on the ground, he can already see all of his friends with Felix's fiancé, Chan's wife and Jisung's new girlfriend. Everyone is there. Except him.

He carefully approaches the group inside the living room where the girls are busy putting the presents under the Christmas tree. What takes him aback the most is seeing a tall and beautiful woman coming down the stairs before placing a kiss on Changbin's cheek. Since when is he seeing someone? It takes everyone a few minutes to settle down and serve themselves drinks. Once everyone is sat, they hold their glasses up for a toast.

"Who wants to do the honours?" Jeongin asks and Jisung immediately gets up.

"Merry Christmas, guys! Thank you for this year and thank you to Changbin for hosting the dinner tonight," he says, bopping his head towards him. "And let's have a moment for our Minho. He might not be here but he's in our heart. Let's hope he can get back on the right track next year."

There is a pause in the room, everybody suddenly feeling a wave of guilt and sadness. They know they've done everything for their friend, but they still feel like they should have tried harder.

Minho, this time, doesn't try to contain his cries. He walks up Jisung and smiles, just a little.

"Thanks, Hannie," he whispers.

"To Minho," he cheers, holding his drink higher.

"To Minho."

P lets out a cough, grabbing Minho's attention. "Not to be a mood breaker but I think you should see Y/N."

"What do you mean?"

"See what she is doing at this exact moment."

He surprisingly agrees with no hesitation and they both float away to another neighbourhood of the city. One Minho isn't too familiar with. This must be why she chose to move there, somewhere she knew she wouldn't encounter Minho. They float down at the apartment's balcony and Minho can see her right away through the window.

"You can go through walls," P informs and he does as told.

He's surprised to see her alone with her sister. She used to be a social butterfly, he wonders what happened. Deena sets the table while humming to Christmas music and Y/N finishes up with cutting the ham. It's not as Christmas-y as it should be, it's rather sad. The atmosphere is sad.

"Need help with that?" Deena offers.

"I'm good, thanks," Y/N answers as she brings the dishes on the table.

She looks paler than he remembers, maybe because of the lighting. Her hair is longer and she seems to have dyed it brown. She's also much skinnier.

"Thank you for cooking," Deena smiles warmly at her.

"It's nothing," she smiled back and begins to serve herself a plate. "I would have definitely given a piece of ham to the cats if they were here."

Deena shakes her head. "How many times did I tell you that I can go get them back?"

Y/N shakes her head too and sighs. "He loves them as much as I do, maybe even more. Who knows how he would survive without them."

"He's not really surviving, if you want my opinion. You should have seen him at the mall the other day."

Y/N shrugs while playing with her potatoes. "He's coping in his own way."

Her sister lets out a groan, desperate. "Jeez, you two are so sad to see, it's depressing."

Well, if Minho wanted to be sure Y/N is still struggling with getting over their separation, he has his answer right there.

"I'll be fine and so will he. Besides, it's not like we lost everything. I still have you and he has the boys."

Deena deadpans at her and then points at her ring finger. Minho looks at it more attentively and allows himself to gasp quietly. Y/N still has the ring, the one he proposed to her with. After what he said to her, she still wears it?

She is quick to pull her hand off the table and cover it with her sleeve. "It's a pretty ring."

"It means more to you than that and you know it."

"He didn't want to get married and it's alright. We grew apart and it is what it is. Can we talk about something else now?" she says in annoyance.

"Y/N, Felix, when he called-"

"Stop," she cuts her off. "Felix doesn't know what happened. He doesn't understand."

"Okay, I'll stop. But just so you know, this is doing no good to anybody, especially the two of you."

Minho can't hear any more of it. In a second, he turns around and goes back to the balcony which indicates to P that the visit is over. The ghost throws some of his golden dust in the air and the elevator magically appears next to them. They step inside and press the button to the ground floor.

As it goes down, Minho is looking away from the spirit, he has a certain pride to maintain. P hesitates but decides to put his hand on the man's shoulder.

"Can I just say? In my whole year of working, this might be the only case where I really empathized with my client."

Minho moves his hand away from him and grumbles something under his breath. P doesn't hear it properly but it goes along the lines of "I don't need empathy, don't act like you care".

When they get to his room, the spirit is quick to take a leave, leaving Minho alone in his cold room. At least he has his cats. He has them because of Y/N's kind heart knew he needs them.

At least, maybe she still cares a little.

The formula is the same this morning. So much that Minho knows he isn't going to work and is still trapped in this weird loop of exploring his life. He doesn't bother dressing properly nor bringing what he needs for his job. He doesn't even change his cats' water.

The moment he walks in his workplace, it doesn't even take him a second to spot the ghost of his future. It's Jisung this time. Well, not him exactly.

"Hello, my name is-"

"F, I suppose? For future?"

The spirit, stunned, slowly nods. "Usually, people are happy to see me."

"I had a long night, buddy. Just show me what you have to show me and I can move on with my life."

F doesn't argue with him and he leads him to the elevator when he presses the button 30 right away. "We'll do the quick version since you're in such a rush. I would have gone through 26 beforehand but-"

"What happens next year?" Minho interrupts him.

"No, you want this to be quick. I respect that. It's Christmas anyway, I can make an exception."

"What happens next year?" he repeats.

F smiles knowingly before glancing at the button 26. Minho, hesitantly, goes ahead to press it himself to which the ghost responds with a satisfied smirk. Before he knows it, they already reached the level.

As the doors open, Minho soon recognizes Jeongin's penthouse. Looks like that year's Christmas is settled to be at his place. Jeongin is alone with Changbin as they seem to be preparing food and drinks for the guests they are expecting. It is soon confirmed when Jisung walks in without knocking, alongside with his girlfriend. In the following minutes, each of his friends, sometimes with a significant lover, come inside and the party gets louder and merrier. However, after Hyunjin arrived, it dawns on him that his future version himself won't take part on that year's dinner.

Just like the previous year.

After chatting some more about what they are up to in their lives (nothing much other than Felix getting married but everyone knows as they attended the ceremony), Changbin calls everyone for dinner and they sit around Jeongin's dinner table.

"Can I make the toast this year?" Jisung asks, earning looks from his friends.

"You did last year, I say our host of the night does it," Seungmin suggests and they all seem to agree.

So, a bit uncomfortable still, Jeongin gets up with his glass of wine in hands. "Thank you for another year of our usual Christmas party. I'm really glad all of you were able to come. Of course, we still have a thought for our Minho who won't be joining us, yet again, tonight." The guests exchange glances in agreement and let the youngest continue. "Merry Christmas and let's enjoy our meal!"

They cling their glasses together, wishing a merry Christmas to one another, and don't lose another second to attack their plates. Although it pains him to not see himself enjoy the feast with them, Minho is somewhat happy. At least, they still have each other.

"Why couldn't he make it, anyway?" Chan asks around the table, looking at anybody who might have the answer.

The only person to answer is, unsurprisingly, Jisung. "The last time I saw him was in September and he said he had some issues with the cats. I don't know if he was making up excuses but he seemed to be alright."

"It was a miracle he even showed up for my wedding," Felix scoffs, making Minho huff. "An even bigger miracle was that he didn't make a scene when he saw Y/N there."

"They left together, no?"

What Seungmin just said gives him some kind of hope. Wanting to be sure he would hear every detail, he gets closer to his friend who continues to speak on the matter.

"I know they drank a lot but has someone seen what they were doing?"

"He was cuddly," Jisung answers. "No, clingy as hell. Poor Y/N who had to drive him home."

"They could have made up then?" Chan questions and Jisung nods.

"But we all know him, he missed his chance to fix things again."

"I really thought inviting both of them would have put an end to their mishaps," Felix sighs, discouraged. "I'll send Minho a message later."

"We could call him all together?" Chan suggests but by the reactions of everybody, this is not an option.

Just like that, they change subject and continue to discuss cheerfully about everything and anything. F gives a sad smile to the man, who watches the scene feeling beaten. There must have something really wrong with him that his closest friends wouldn't even wish him a merry Christmas.

"Where am I while all of this is happening?" he asks the ghost.

Carefully, he is transported away from the penthouse and directly to his apartment. The moment he takes in the sight of his place, he sees how nothing much changed in a year. Everything is still where it was during the present year.

His hair is longer, he notices. Not only that but he grew a bit of a beard, a choice he questions a little. His cats are still doing their thing, none of them appear to be sick. What particularly catches his attention is the glass filled with a bright yellow liquor that is set next to him as he scrolls down through his feed on his tablet.

Is he drinking? He does have a few occasions where he'll consume alcohol but a glass full of whiskey is new.

Soonie jumps on the counter and, unlike what Minho would automatically do as of right now, his future self pushes the cat off. He gasps in horror and runs to catch his pet. Only, he did forget he isn't actually there and that things pass through his body. Fortunately, Soonie is fine.

"I should text her, at least," he hears himself say.

The man he sees is far from being remotely close to what he is. Hair messy, tie loosened and a beer belly growing; he wonders what caused him to let himself reach this point.

Future Minho opens his e-mail app and clicks on New Message. He is quick to find Y/N's e-mail address, which real Minho takes as a sign he must have done the same more than once in the last year. He tries to read what he is typing but the amount of typos is quite overwhelming. Despite that, he manages to make out a somewhat coherent note.

___

Hey,

I know I should probably not be writing this but it is Christmas today so, merry Christmas. Remember how we used to go out with the others and play stupid games until late? Then, we'd come home and I'd make you a hot chocolate before going to be? You remember all of that, don't you?

I miss it, and I miss you. I know I said I'll stop writing but you broke my heart, Y/N. How can I forget and ignore what happened? You left so suddenly for no reason. I should be furious, maybe I am. No, I know I am. I still can't help myself but longing for you.

Have a jolly holiday, even if it's without me,

Min xox

___

"Wow, that's pathetic," Minho breathes out after reading. He turns to face F and frowns. "That's a year from now?"

"Precisely."

"No, it can't be. I'm alright, I moved on."

F visibly tries to contain himself from speaking on that, but he can't. "You're one oblivious man."

"I am okay!"

F scoffs. "Sure. Now, shall we visit you at 30 years old? It's Christmas and I have others plans after this."

Minho keeps finding it ridiculous how these ghosts continue to act as if they are actual people. He's still dreaming, why would he bother imagining spirits with personalities?

He is soon led to the actual elevator of his apartment building where F presses the button quickly. Once the level reached, the doors open to a beautiful wedding reception, leaving Minho confused. He does not know anybody other than Felix, who is supposedly already married by then, who is engaged.

The two men walk around the room, recognizing a few faces, and Minho finally spots himself sitting with his friends. At least he isn't alone, he tells himself. He goes straight ahead to observe the scene where he is obviously bored and sick of being there. He does notice how his appearance seem much better than before with gel in his hair and a tuxedo well ironed on.

"Are you sure you're alright?" Chan asks him in a concerned voice.

"Stop with that, I'd leave if I wasn't fine," Minho rolls his eyes.

"You haven't spoken to her, though."

"You really are good at observing, Chan," Minho responds in a mocking way and the older man simply sighs.

Suddenly, the entirety of the room begins to cheer loudly and clap. Minho tries to follow their gaze to find out who they were waiting for. After moving around to see through the dozens of head, he finally spots her. And him.

Y/N. It's her wedding. And she invited him of all people?

His brain short-circuits and he feels his heart pounding faster and faster. He can't think properly anymore, the only thing he can vividly see is her. How she smiles at every single person who congratulates her. How she clings onto this man as if her life depended on it. But most importantly, he sees how her smile just gets sadder when her eyes stop on him.

He knows time stops for the two of them before they walk towards each other. He knows so many things are still left unsaid. Gaining back his consciousness, he follows himself to watch what is about to happen.

She hugs him, a bit awkwardly. "I didn't think you'd come. Thank you."

"Congratulations," Minho says, retracting from the hug as fast as he can. "You two make a fine couple."

"Thanks," she chuckles. "Look, Min-" she starts but Minho shakes his head.

"Don't, it's okay. Enjoy your day."

Grateful, she sends him one last smile and moves to thank other guests. Chan, at this point, can do nothing else but pat his friend's shoulder. Surprisingly, Minho doesn't budge. He does, however, let one single drop fall from his eye.

"That's it?" he exclaims, now looking at F. "I'm not even trying? I just gave up? What even happened between then and that moment?"

"I've shown you plenty, you can figure it out by yourself," F says calmly and then begins to walk back to the metal box.

Minho, refusing this as an answer, runs to join him hastily. "Who's this guy, anyway?"

"Does it really matter? You two are not together anymore."

"Yes, if it can help me to prevent this."

"So you don't want her to be happy?" F perks an eyebrow making Minho groan in frustration.

"I'm asking you what I need to do to change this. It can't be like this. I'm the one who's supposed to marry her."

F smirks as they walk in the elevator, presses the button to the ground floor and finally looks at the man. "You know what has to be done, you're just afraid."

"Of what?"

"Oh, please. Stop with the act. How has the last year really been like for you?"

Minho gulps, already feeling himself choke up. "I-" he starts. "It's been hell."

F nods. "What else?"

"Y/N was right, as she always is... I'm the one who lost myself with time. I did want to marry her and I did not think she was obnoxious. Certainly not..."

He starts to cry, heavily this time. There is no more hiding or denying, he just said it all out loud. Regrets and pain, that's what's been eating him. He sobs as everything finally hits him so brutally. He lost Y/N for good. Or he will lose her for good if he keeps acting the way he does.

And his friends, the only people who stick with him through everything. The ones he keeps pushing away in fear of himself.

"You're home," the spirit says, interrupting the moment.

Minho doesn't hesitate to crash into his bed and sob some more. Even if F wanted to leave so badly, he doesn't think he should just yet. Cursing at himself, he comes to sit on the bed and pats the back of the broken man.

"It's alright, let it all out. You've had a rough night."

Minho hiccups and sniffles before glaring at the ghost. "No shit."

"You know, I think you can fix this."

Minho shrugs. "I've been horrible to everyone."

"You acknowledge it, that's a start. From there, only you can decide how things will be." F looks at his watch for a second and gasps. "I'm late for my next human! Good luck with everything."

Minho doesn't watch him leave. He is still crying but he has no more energy. He desperately wants to wake up, but mostly, he wants to see Y/N.

Minho doesn't wake up until the later morning. With the dream he just had, the sleep deprived guy seriously needed more than eight hours of resting. He does miss out work but, honestly, is not bothered the slightest. In fact, he is grateful he won't be working today.

After feeding Soonie, Doongie and Dori, he determines he should catch up on the gifts he planned on offering to his friends. Walking to his home office, he pulls out the wrapping paper he hadn't touched in a while and begins to wrap each and every single one of the presents he bought. He is definitely happy to have made some purchases the day he went shopping with Chan.

The task does grow tiring and boring after a while. To keep himself motivated, he plugs in his speaker to play some music and hums alongside the lyrics. He hasn't done that for a long time. As he is about to skip the current song playing on his playlist, his solo karaoke session is interrupted by a call coming in.

Not bothering to look at the contact, he answers happily. "Merry Christmas, you joined Lee Minho. How can I help you?"

The other side of the line is silent but he can hear that there is someone. Frowning, he repeats himself to encourage the person to talk.

"Minho, it's Changbin."

"Oh, hey! How are you doing? I was about to call you to ask what you wanted me to bring for tonight."

He senses that his friend is quite taken aback and he smiles proudly to himself.

"You're coming?"

"Unless I wasn't invited-"

"No, no," Changbin cuts him. "You're always welcomed, you know that. I'd just expected you to say you have work or something."

"I was supposed to clock in but I didn't feel like going to the office. Oh, by the way, can I ask a favor from you?"

"Uh, yeah, go ahead..." Changbin replies, skeptical.

"I know you're still in contact with Y/N."

Changbin, on his side, freezes. "How did you- Min, I swear we all wanted to tell you-"

"I'm not mad. I just wanted to know if you could possibly invite her and Deena for dinner, please? Don't tell them I'll be there, though."

"Are you certain?"

"Yes, I want it to be a surprise."

He doesn't say anything for a minute, processing what is happening. "Then, I'll invite them and say you aren't coming."

"Good! See you tonight! And tell your girlfriend I'm excited to meet her!"

He doesn't let Changbin question him on how he learned about his girlfriend and hangs up. Resuming to his activity, he stops when he sees Soonie playing with wrapping paper. Filming him, he coos at him before giving him loving scratches.

"I won't ever hurt you, I promise," he tell his cat, recalling what happened in his dream.

When he has finished with wrapping his gifts, he goes to his closet to find an appropriate attire for the night. For the last year, he hadn't wore anything other than work clothes and sweats. The nice shirt Y/N once bought him catches his attention. The dark green buttoned blouse seem to be a perfect match for his black clean pants. He changes fast and does not forget to add a few pieces of jewelry to finish his look.

He is all set to go. But one look at himself in the mirror at his entrance stops him for a moment. It suddenly clicks that he is a couple hours away from seeing Y/N again, for real this time. Although terrified, he has found some peace with it from the events of the previous night. He wants to make things right.

And one thing he can do just now is call his parents, the ones he has been ignoring for a year. He did expect his mother to cry but certainly not his father. Both incite him to come to his hometown in the following days and he can't refuse the invite. Not when they are begging with their puppy eyes.

"I'll come for New Year's, does it sounds okay?"

His mother nods vigorously through the screen of his phone. "Will Y/N be coming with you?"

He might have left out that he isn't with her anymore. Seeing the look on his parents' faces, he does not have the heart to tell them yet. Instead, he goes with a safe answer.

"I'll see with her if she can clear her schedule, but no promise."

"Tell her she's always welcomed here whenever. Merry Christmas, son!" his father wishes him adoringly.

He smiles, feeling suddenly nostalgic. "Merry Christmas to you two!"

And he hangs up.

Before going to Changbin's place, he doesn't forget to stop at the Christmas market to pay his friend, Hyunjin, a visit. Mentally preparing himself to face a pissed off Chan, he strolls between the booths and stops at a few of them. Some are selling soaps, a lot of them in fact. Others sell clothes they crocheted themselves and a few offer samples of their baked goods.

A few minutes later, Hyunjin's golden locks are easily found from afar. Minho also spots Chan, Seungmin and Felix. He has a heavy case of déjà-vu when he sees the four of them discuss with frowns on their faces.

Discreetly, he walks towards his friends who don't take knowledge of his presence yet. That is until he arrives right behind Felix.

"-stopping by her place today to see how she's doing but Minho would kill me if he discovers," the man is telling the others, oblivious that Minho is hearing everything.

Seungmin gulps and nods his head towards him but Felix cluelessly frowns. Hyunjin does the same which finally makes him turn around and come face to face with Minho. His eyes grow twice their sizes and his mouth opens slightly in shock.

"Hi, Yongbok," Minho says, unbothered. "Cute puppies you got, Hwang."

Hyunjin smiles, thankful. "Do you want to pet one? I've got this chihuahua that looks like Kkami."

He doesn't have the time to answer when a small dog is suddenly placed in his arms. With no complaint, he pets the puppy affectionately. The four men look at him, rather confused, and say nothing. They simply have no idea on how to react to this.

"Minho, what I said about Y/N- She- Uh... We-" Felix stammers out his words but Minho interrupts him.

"I know and it's all good. She is your friend too, I can't be mad at her for wanting to keep you all around."

"I see you've made some thinking," Chan finally speaks up, eyes stern.

"You can say that... I'm sorry about the other day, you were right. I shouldn't have shut you out of my life," he admits, much to his own surprise.

"Apology accepted," Chan grins. "A little birdie told me you asked Changbin to invite Y/N and Deena for dinner."

Seungmin's eyes lit up. "So you changed your mind? You'll come?"

Minho huffs. "I never said I wouldn't come."

Hyunjin sneers. "I know someone who'll be ecstatic about that."

The girl paces the floor nervously, biting her nails as she waits for her sister to arrive. Even if Changbin assured to her that her ex-fiancé wouldn't be attending the party, she can't help but feel like he will find out. She already feels guilty for keeping contact with his friends, who knows how he would react if he learns she went to celebrate Christmas with them.

As Deena finally walks in the apartment, she lets out a heavy sigh of relief. "Finally!"

Her sister rolls her eyes. "It took me barely five minutes to get here."

"Still," she chuckles sheepishly. "Thank you for coming with me."

"What would you do without me?" she exclaims dramatically. "For real, it's very nice for them to invite you. Especially after last year. Plus, it's better than our sappy sister date night."

Y/N lets out a small laugh but resumes automatically to biting down her lower lip in nervousness. Deena notices it but doesn't comment on it. Instead, she rushes her to leave, saying they will be late otherwise.

In the car, Y/N can't wait any longer. She has worries and needs to let them out or she'll go mad.

"What if Minho ends up showing up?"

Deena gives her a look but answers nonetheless. "He won't. And if he does, he'll have to suck it up and be an adult about you being there."

"Do you think he'll get mad when he discoverd that I still talked with the guys?"

"Y/N, for fuck's sake, it's not your problem to deal with! He's the one being a little bitch. Besides, you're not with him anymore."

"It doesn't mean I want to hurt him... and..."

She doesn't complete her sentence since she knows Deena must have understood right away. Y/N is still hopelessly in love with Minho. As much as she believes that leaving was the right thing to do, there were so many instances where she tried to convince herself that he'd change if she goes back to him.

She knows, deep down, she might be right on that.

"I can't believe you're actually here with actual presents!" Jisung almost yells as he brings his friend into a warm hug.

Hyunjin scoffs. "Let the man breathe! See, Min? I told you."

Minho taps Jisung's back a few times as to tell him to let go but he refuses, tightening the embrace. Jeongin is the one to break them apart to be the next in line to hug Minho. Everyone is baffled by his change of heart but they look past it and are simply grateful to have gotten their friend back.

"So? Is she coming?" Minho asks Changbin once he greeted everybody one by one.

"She confirmed she is."

Chan frowns and takes him by the shoulders. "Are you sure you want to talk to her?"

"Things were left unsaid, I need to clear this out once and for all."

Ding dong.

Oh. Now things are getting a bit too real, and panic begins to settle throughout his entire body. With once glance exchanged with Chan, it somehow reassures him. Still with his heart beating fast, he retreats himself behind the group as Changbin goes ahead to open the door.

She looks just like he remembers, stunning. There is, however, a hint of something he can't quite understand. She is paler and shyer. Past that, she is the same. While hugging everyone with her bright smile on her face, she shines. Minho is not too sure if he wants to ruin her brightness by letting his presence known. Looking around nervously, we wonders if this was a bad idea after all.

Before he can escape, he hears his name being called from afar; Jisung. Cursing at him mentally, Minho steps aside from behind Hyunjin and waves, embarrassed.

To no one's surprise, there is a moment of awkwardness settled in the room. While Minho is too ashamed to look back at her, Y/N can't rip her gaze away from him. She can't believe he is actually there. She has to make a mental note for later to smack Changbin for lying to her.

The moment is interrupted by Deena, thankfully. "Hey, Minho! I didn't think you'd be here."

"Hi Deena," he replies in a small voice.

This seems to be enough for the others to resume to their thing: Changbin taking his guests' coats to the other room while his girlfriend offers drinks, Deena putting the presents under the Christmas tree, Chan's wife and Felix's girlfriend sitting in a corner to discuss... Y/N, however, does not budge. Not until everyone leaves the entrance, revealing Minho standing in front of her.

"You dyed your hair?" he finally says, more or less to break the weird tension between the two.

She chuckles and runs her fingers through her longs brown locks. "I did, I thought a change might be good."

He nods as he puts his hands in his pockets, rocking his body back and forth. Now what? He knows he wants to talk about the obvious, but how?

"You're wearing that shirt," she points out with a smile. "It fits you well."

"Thank you. Your dress is cute."

"Thanks. I haven't wore this in a while."

"In a dress or not, you're cute either way."

She blushes. It's not as bad as she thought, they can at least do small talk. Still, this is far from being what she was used to with him. It suddenly snaps in her mind how much she missed him.

"I'll go get a drink, you're welcomed to come along," she offers which makes Minho smile.

Changbin's girlfriend makes no complaint when Minho asks her to make a specific drink, one Y/N would always get when they were together. It does not get unnoticed by the latter and she is amazed he remembers such details even after not speaking to each other for a whole entire year.

"You seem to be doing good," he comments once they get a hold of their alcoholic drinks.

"I'm not too bad. I joined a new law firm and, hopefully, they'll let me work on a case on my own."

It pains him to know she is still struggling with work, this was never an issue for him. "One day, someone will recognize your competence."

"Easy for you to say. I've heard you climbed status and have your own office?"

"Which one of the boys told you that?"

By the look on her face, he has managed to surprise her. "So you know."

He takes a sip of his glass and shrugs. "It did hurt a little that nobody told me but it's alright. You needed them as much as I did."

Her eyes soften. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I'm the jerk here. I pushed you away to the point you left and after you did, I was so close to losing all of my friends. You did nothing wrong."

She moves her head to the side, unsure on how to react. "We both made mistakes."

He scoffs. "Maybe, but you have to admit I did things way worse than you."

"It's alright, we're okay now. It wasn't meant to be."

His heart tightens and he scoffs once more. "What if it was?"

"Minho-"

"No, Y/N, listen to me for this one. Please." The gleam in his eyes convinces her and she nods for him to continue. "I don't know exactly what happened, it might be work, but I lost myself at some point. I never thought weddings were bullshit, not once in my life. My dream the moment I met you was to put a ring on your finger."

Minho stops himself and gives a scan around to make sure nobody is watching. He is thankful when he realizes his friends are busy with watching a funny video on Felix's phone. With no hesitation, he takes Y/N's hand and moves her sleeve up to reveal her engagement ring, still beautifully worn on her finger. Embarrassed, she is quick to retract her hand back in hiding. How did he know if she has been hiding it as soon as she saw him?

"And I think you might still want that."

Her eyes get watery when she forces herself to stare back at him. "This year has been... a lot. I was not ready to remove it just yet and, I guess I just got used to wearing it."

Although tempted to correct her as he know the truth, Minho does not insist any more. Instead, he sends her a look that says he understands. Almost as if it was planned, Chan calls everyone in the living room to open the presents and to, as they do every year, make a toast.

It takes a few minutes until everyone is sat and silent but once they seem good to go, Chan nods his head at Minho. "Why don't you do the honours this year, Min?"

"Oh, um..."

"I think it won't be appropriate if it is anybody else other than you," Seungmin adds to which the others seem to agree on.

Reluctantly, he gets up from his seat and clears his throat. "First of all, I'd like to apologize for the way I've been acting. I was going through a lot and I shouldn't have imposed it on you, I'm sorry. Second of all, thank you all for sticking by my side although I was a total asshole."

"Heck yeah, you are," he hears Changbin jokingly respond.

"Something else I want to mention," he continues, ignoring his friend, "is how much regret I've felt this year. Y/N?"

All eyes move to her figure by the mention of her name. She looks at Minho, feeling a bit intimidated, but smiles to let him know she wants him to go on.

"I've never loved anyone else more than I have with you. I am aware things were not ideal but you brought the best out of me. I'm sorry I had to be the one ruining this for us. I love you still and I can only wish you the best from now on." He gives the others a last glance before raising his glass. "Thank you Changbin for hosting this year's party, and merry Christmas!"

Even though the entire room cheers and applauds in response to Minho's sweet speech, Y/N is not mentally there anymore. Her mind going wild, she can't think straight other than what Minho has said. She undeniably still loves him, more than she'd like to admit. But is she ready to let him in again?

"Hey," Deena calls her out, shaking her away from her thoughts. "You might want to figure some things out with lover boy."

Her face grows red. "You think so?"

"He just left outside to go for a walk but I'm sure he isn't too far yet. Go join him."

"I don't know..."

"Y/N, stop being in denial. You still love him, he still loves you, he obviously wants you back... Just go get him already."

Slightly intimidated by her sister, she doesn't need to be told twice to go grab her coat and boots, and walk out the door. She expected for him to be at least further away on the street but it is definitely a surprise to see him sitting down on the porch. His back facing her, she quietly approaches him and sits beside him.

There is a moment of quietness before he finally looks at her. "It's snowing."

She chuckles. "Thank you for the info, Mr. Obvious."

They share a laugh and both go back to watching the snowflakes fall. It's calm and peaceful, Minho loves it. It painfully reminds him of many occurrences where they'd watch outside the window for no reason on snow days.

"That was a good speech you just made."

He smirks. "I know."

His playful demeanor is something she doesn't remember seeing in the last moments of their relationship. It feels nice to see him back, as himself.

"What you said earlier, did you mean it?"

He frowns. "The part about regrets? Yeah, I mean, I was an ass and it didn't help me getting better so... I just know I want to fix it."

She shakes her head. "Not just that. The part about still loving me."

He moves his eyes from the snow to her own and she looks at him expectedly. She is so pure, he hates himself from even thinking he had hurt her. Carefully, he takes her hands in his and sets himself just a bit closer to her while still giving her space. He feels the sweat on his forehead, waiting for either getting rejected or getting the love of his life back. Either way, he has to say it. He's been putting it off for too long.

"I meant every word I said, I still and will always love you. How can I not? You're sensitive, smart, beautiful, and so caring. You always put me before yourself. So far, you were ready to give up your cats so I could have them because you knew I needed them."

"Minho-"

"No, you don't get to interrupt me until I'm finally done saying what I have to say. Y/N, never once did I think you were obnoxious. You see beauty in everything, something I'm incapable of doing and that's what bugged me. It bothered me how you are so perfect while I am not even close to be as loving as you are."

She scoffs with a knowing smile pending on her lips. "Now, I'll have to cut you here. You don't see yourself how I see you, Minho. Why do you think I fell in love with you in the first place? You have your own little ways of showing affection, each cuter than the other. I don't mind the rest because I know you do love me."

"I hurt you," he argues sadly.

"And I forgive you, just as long as you don't do it again," she grins, tightening her grasp on his hands.

Minho raises an eyebrow in confusion. "You forgive me... As in-"

"Don't make me say it, I have my own pride too."

Minho wipes away his tears he hadn't realized were starting to fall on his face and doesn't lose another second to bring her close to him and crash his lips onto hers. They're just like he remembered and maybe better, sweet and soft. At that point, both of them are crying. Only this time, it's not because they are hurting. So many feelings are said through the kiss and not a single one is coming from pain. It's sereine and warm, Minho can feel his whole body get lighter.

"Fuck, I missed you so much," he says when they break away, holding her close to his chest. "I'm never letting you go again."

"You better," she chuckles through a sniff.

The door behind them opens wide with more than seven pairs of eyes on them. Minho blushes while Y/N hides herself in the crook of his neck.

"So we good? Everything is sorted out? Please, the food is ready and I'm starving," Jisung complains, receiving a smack from Changbin.

"You're not starving and let them have their moment!"

Jeongin sighs. "I think the moment was already ruined.

The couple, who are still sitting, explode in laughter before getting up and joining their friends in the warmth of their home where Changbin's girlfriend has selected a nice Christmas playlist to complete the ambiance. Music Minho recognizes to be Y/N's favourites. A coincidence? Probably but he likes to believe it isn't.

While the boys congratulate him for being back together with his love, Minho looks outside through the window one last time. He isn't too sure if what he sees is right but four figures seem to look at him proudly.

While nobody is watching, he mouthes a "thank you" before the silhouettes fade away in the wind.

Minho still doesn't know to this day if what happened that night was real or not. One thing for sure is he can't be any more thankful for these spirits. Most importantly, he is finally in a happy place.

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ornii · 1 year

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If its not too much to ask...

A Wednesday Addams x Male!Reader, where the latter wakes up after being involved in an accident, and witnesses Wednesday crying for the first time...all the while she tries to deny it.

Denial

It was an accident, it truly was. She never meant to hurt him like she did. But I suppose intentions never truly matter in cases like this. It was around 8 PM in Nevermore and (Y/n) was in his Girlfriends room, trying to convince her to go out with him. Wednesday was too busy focusing on her novel instead of him, which he didn’t mind as she always said an hour, but it’s been at least three.

“Cmon, not even the crypt? Im sure there’s bones for you to analyze in there.” He says, trying to convince her to come. While Wednesday would enjoy that, her focus was on the story she’s crafting.

“My work overtakes my probable enjoyment of that.”

She said, and you couldn’t help but get a bit frustrated, she never wanted to genuinely spend time with (Y/n), which was were the two struck a conflict. While he enjoyed her presence it was always with what she wanted, never his, and she was constantly pressured to partake in things she despised like Holding hands.

“…Really? You can’t take your mind off your novel just to spend some time with me?” He asks, almost a bit loss for words at her scrutiny. She stops and turns to him.

“As Ive Said, My priority is the completion of the novel, you know this.”

“Well I didn’t know parchment was more interesting then I was.”

“Well it doesn’t open its mouth so it has its benefits.” She replies coldly. (Y/n) squints a bit, obviously getting upset, and decides to twist his own knife.

“Fine, I’ll go hang out with Yoko and Enid, they’re probably available. More than my girlfriend.” He says, which ticks an insecurity Wednesday never had before and didn’t know how to accurately process it, jealousy. He walks over to her to give her one last goodbye.

“If you don’t want to hang out or do anything, fine by me, but I don’t have to sit here.” He says, he was suddenly face to face with Wednesday, well one would not consider it face to face since she’d a foot and a half shorter, but her terrifying demeanor spoke for her. She approached him and he began to back away.

“If you wish to fraternize with some other woman be my guest, I should have expected something from someone like you, you rope me into these feelings I can’t comprehend and force me into loving you. Well, I don’t!” She says as (Y/n) reaches the balcony being pushed back by her fearsome tone. With one slip of the foot he tumbled off, and rolled off the roof. Wednesday turns and folds her arms, fuming.

“You can stop with the attempts of humor (Y/n), get back up here.” She says, when he had no response, she slowly turns back to the edge and quickly walks over and sees (Y/n), lying on the ground in the most uncomfortable position, and a look of terror and worry washes over Wednesday. (Y/n) only watched from the ground, as a ringing in his year deafened everything out, he lied on the ground before it all went black.

It was around a Week he spent in the hospital, lying in a coma as the impact of his head hitting the ground must have done a number, every day Wednesday was there. Guilt Strickens her, as the cause of his condition was her definitely. She couldn’t use her deadpanned emotions to divert blame, this was her coffin she built, it’s only appropriate to lie in it.

“(Y/n)..” she began, “I made sure to water your plants, and.. I’m sorry. All you wanted was to spend time with me, and I let my selfish nature pollute my feelings and, put you in this predicament.. If I had just gone with your ridiculous plan we’d be there, together, you bothering me with your foolish jokes and, while I acted like I hated them, i missed you..” Wednesday says, her lip quivers just slightly and for the first time in years, she felt a tear run down her cheek. This time rather wiping it, she just let it down, and let out a shaky sigh. She closes her eyes and grips his hand.

And he squeezes it.

Her eyes open and she looks up as his Were open finally, he blinks a few times and sits up, Wednesday looks at him like she’s actually seen a ghost.

“What happened?” He asks, and Wednesday didnt know what to say, and he notes the small beads running down her cheek.

“We’re you.. crying over me?” He says, his grin widening and Wednesday quickly wipes her tears.

“No, I had found out you were going to survive.” She says, trying to be tough.

“Sure Sweetheart..” he says and pulls her hand in and kisses it. Leaving her at a loss for words, he smiles and relaxes as she was still a bit, at a loss.

“So, you feel any better after almost killing me?” He asks smugly and she frowns, “it was an accident.”

“I know, and I’m sorry for throwing Yoko and Enid in your face, that wasn’t fair of me.” He says. And Wednesday just sighs as well.

“I understand I may not be the; easiest to be in a relationship with, and you have been more than patient, I apologize as well..”

“So is there cameras here? I want to get a recoding of you crying—“

“(Y/n) I will put you back in a coma.” She sharply said and he just chuckles and kissed her cheek.

“I’ve missed hearing your voice..” he said and she smiles just slightly.

“I missed you too..”

#netflix #male reader #wednesday addams x male reader #wednesday #reader insert #wednesday addams x reader #wednesday x reader #wedensday x you

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judesmoonbeauty · 9 days

Text

Ellis Twilight Both Ends Bonus Story 🗡

Fan translation only. Not 100% accurate. Please expect grammatical errors. This is a SUMMARY/Semi-Translation of the bonus story. I am roughly translating this with out much research other than specific lines from certain scenes. Why? Because it's a huge task to translate a main route chapter line by line. So, this is what we're working with, and I appreciate your understanding ♥︎ Cybird owns everything. Re-blogs are appreciated, but please do not post my translations elsewhere. The summaries will be uploaded in groups.

I thought my love would make my loved ones unhappy. So I tried to only think about the other person.…..I think about my brother smiling happily that day. But I also suspect that I may have twisted my own memory. - I think he was actually very frightened. Like the lives I took for Crown. Such thoughts blur my brother’s smile that day. The truth is, I can’t even remember the look on my brother’s face at that moment anymore.

Ellis is waiting for Kate outside of a store. It’s been about 10 minutes since she’s entered and he’s getting antsy with worry about being approached by strange people. As he debates if he should go look for her or not he sees her through the shop window and is put at ease, but she was chatting with a man amicably inside which Ellis notes that she’s smiling at the man as he opens the door for her. He wonders about who the guy is and then Kate runs up to him apologizing about keeping him waiting. They talk about the man she was speaking with and he apparently helped in the past as a postal worker by drawing a map for her. Ellis called the guy a “nice person”, but was analyzing the guy in his head; he didn’t seem to have any ulterior motives, and his smile seemed genuine, plus he held the door for her. At this point, Ellis seems to compare himself to that man with himself because that guy can offer to help someone in a very natural versus Ellis who can not do that since he wants to kill someone even more if he likes them more.

He recalls his Dad telling him the day his brother died that, “Killing people and laughing about it is something demons do….Repent and atone and you may still be forgive.”

(Forgive me? Who?)

(I just wanted him to stay happy.)

(Is the way I show my love unforgivable?)

Kate is the only one he’s really confided to about his past and more and more he’s getting selfish with wanting her to love him. Because only she has forgiven him. He offers to carry the bags for him, but she refuses and it shocks him, so he let’s her carry them. He’s sad that he can’t hold hands with her, so he wraps his arms around her shoulders instead and they head back to the castle.

(I wonder if you’d be offended if I told you that I was a little anxious?)

There is a flashback to when he rescued her and she confesses that she accepts Ellis for wanting to keep the happiness of his loved ones within his grasp.

Flashing forward to the present. Jude & Ellis who’ve just finished a mission, he tells Jude that he’s sure it’s normal to feel pain when you kill someone, and Jude is like: Oh?? He wipes off the blood-soaked knife before he sheaths it; staring at the puddle of blood that spreads like splattered jam, Ellis says: “But, I’m not bothered to do this kind of work.”

(Kate is kind enough to grieve.)

The guy at the grocery store, I wonder if she’d be happier if he were her lover instead.

(But I could never let that guy take Kate away from me.)

(I don’t think I could tolerate it.)

Jude: Huh, what? Ya wanna be “normal”?

Ellis: ….no.

I don’t want to be someone else. Kate said she liked me because I’m me. It’s just -

(What can I do to make Kate smile?)

(I keep thinking about it.)

That night at the castle Kate greets Ellis when he gets back home, who was reading in his room. Kate had recently been taking an interest in Ellis’ and Jude’s work and so she decided to study up on business material. It was a serious task, but Ellis thinks it’s wonderful. Ellis didn’t let her go on the mission tonight because of the level of difficulty and because it was going to be so bloody that he wanted to protect her from it. So, she waited up for him so they could have a drink together.

She said that she’ll get the drinks ready in a set of new mugs that have matching designs on them. Ellis asked if the mugs were from her secret shopping trip before lunch earlier that day, and she confesses it was. As she offers herbal teak, hot milk or alcohol to him, he approaches her from behind and hugs her from behind and says that he prefers Kate over those options. Rubbing her cheek against his arm she says okay, feeling his hands slowly crawl up body.

(Kate’s so soft.)

It’s so different from his own, so when he touches it he gets worried.

(It’s too easy to break.)

Ellis pulls down the top of her negligee and slowly squeezes her breasts which makes her moan, and he asks if she likes it when he does this standing behind her. She says that she does because it feels like she is being completely surrounded by him and it makes her happy.

(It’s no good….Kate.)

(You’re too cute.) Ellis kisses and touches her in many of her favorite places, and even though he wants to make Kate feel good, he is painfully aroused….

Ellis: Then, I’ll do you from behind today.

Kate: Ah……

Kate squeezes his fingers inside her and Ellis pushes Kate onto the bed.

(Oh…..)

(My head is a mess.) ……Which one love???

I want to feel good. I want to feel good with Kate. He looks at her tear-stained eyes.

(It looks like Kate wants to feel good with me too….)

(Is it my imagination or….I don’t know.)

For you, for me, it’s all a jumbled mess..

Kate: Ahhhh!

Ellis: ……Ah…..Ah…..

Ellis hugs Kate’s sleeping body in the middle of the night and thinks she sounds cute. Sometimes, he thinks that they’ve reached their happiest moment as he loves her with his bloodstained hands, for another day. He dreams of the day when his dirtied with her blood.

(…..I want to stay like this forever.)

(With you in my arms.)

(I want to stare at your happy sleeping face.)

The end of this happiness, I don’t want it to come either. The moment you’re killed by me Kate is also the moment -

(Oh.)

Kate slowly lifts her eyelids and look at him drowsily and she laughs at Ellis. He asks why she’s laughing at him and she says it’s because she woke up, and Ellis was right next to her and she thought she was happy.

-No matter how much I dread tomorrow. Even though I’m not sure if you’ll really be smiling on that day that will come someday.

(I can’t help but love this person.)

Ellis: Kate….

Kate: What….?

Ellis: I love you.

Kate: ….Hm.

Ellis: I love you, I love you…..I love you.

Kate: Hmm….hehe….what’s up…?

I bury my face into Kate and she holds me to her chest. It smelled like sweetly simmered jam and it made my heart ache.

Kate: ……Ellis, are you crying?

“No,” I almost reflexively said that, but now I don’t have to hide these feelings anymore.

Ellis: …..Yea, because I’m happy.

Ellis: I’m glad because you’re smiling.

Kate: I see…

Kate reached out and patted Ellis’ head.

Kate: I love you too, Ellis.

(I’m willing to be killed right now.) I bet that if I told you that tomorrow morning that I really thought that, you’d laugh again.

I’m sure there will be more of these supremely happy moments waiting for me.

Fin.

[Master List]

#Ellis Twilight #ikevil ellis #ikemen ellis #ikevil translations #ikevil ellis translations #ellis twilight translations #cybird translations #ikevil spoilers #ikevil jp spoilers

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offshore-brinicle · 8 days

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see now i'm wondering if his ring ID is the kind of person yi sang could have become if he didn't join limbus company. like he internalizes the thinking pattern of "i'm a fool and not worth a damn and everything i do only hurts people" and expresses that self-loathing via his art. eats drywall

OK SO. I TOOK SOME TIME TO ANSWER THIS ONE BECAUSE I WAS TRYING TO GET HIM FOR MYSELF. I don't even really play the game anymore and keep up with the story via YouTube but. Y'know just to prove a point basically and Virtual Yi Sang Collectionism while I find myself with too much free time again so you might have gotten to see it by yourself by now but. Still.

Actually looking into this with his story and all of his dialogue they really did just give him an actual Bad End ID like Nclair, Ahabmael and G Corp Gregor (with some variation of Erlking joining eventually? but I have no idea how that will work taking in count the plot aspect) since Spicebush Yi Sang doesn't really Qualify as one of those and is even framed as being empowering in a way for him taking in count its release was timed so it could be used in the Farmwatch fight instead of waiting for the end of the Season like the others. I believed that W Corp Yi Sang was this spiritually; since it depicts him at his lowest point imaginable following on the track he was on already and the themes of Canto IV perfectly though not related to it, but now Ring Yi Sang has shown us a much more connected, and much darker potential path for him. So I'll take this post as my chance to analyze this:

In regards to his self-loathing it's very interesting that he actually seems to feel a sense of pride not seen in any of his other IDs, talking about "what he deserves" and disregarding everything that doesn't cause him a reaction. He now uses creation itself as a way to fill the emptiness inside of him, while in the main story, Yi Sang's resolution was that his impulse to create was his way of connecting with others.

You can see that in these lines, where he has completely disregarded everything about life and other people, pretty much all of his dialogue revolves around wanting to create and he has only interest in what can inspire him, to the point he nonchalantly kills civilians for failing to make him feel that way.

I feel like this is even expressed in the Sins for this ID compared to base Yi Sang, the set-up is the exact same; S1 Gloom and S3 Sloth. However, the one that changes is S2. Regular Yi Sang has S2 Envy while Ring Yi Sang has S2 Lust. Added this to Ring Yi Sang's passives even being fueled by Lust as well while base Yi Sang's are fueled by Gloom. I take this as a representation that he has taken this Lust, an obsessive desire, as being what will drive him forward throwing away all the self-loathing and regret, with many of his lines calling the past meaningless.

Now I'll tackle his story and do a rundown on it while giving my observation, as it ellaborates into this and what his mindset is (and frankly, it's utterly fantastic). First of all, we get a unique, dissonant track that so far seems to have never been used in any other instance in the game to my knowledge.

Yi Sang's approach to his scientist position is very...unique, because he does so as an artist rather than more proper scientific people like for example Faust, Dongrang, Aseah and Gubo. People who simply want practical application and results, means to an end. Dongbaek seems to be the only person who shares this approach he has which is why their bond is treated as unique compared to the other League of Nine members. At his core, what fascinated Yi Sang so much about technology and sciences was simply the euphoria of discovery itself, finding new things. Which is tackled immediately when Ring Yi Sang's story begins as I am showing here.

With science, you never truly "create" anything, you go through right and wrong answers until finding something that works or causes some effect, he even says so himself in Canto IV. And he goes on to criticize his prior fascination with technology with this particular aspect in mind. Even more shockingly is that he calls the League of Nine's conferences a "waste of time" now, each of their creations predictable which could tie into him being a one-of-a-kind genius, which is also somewhat tackled in Dongrang's observation log. To him, everything else his friends made was child's play.

So instead, he looks towards what made him so fascinated with The Mirror in the first place, echoing this particular point he makes during his log for Dongbaek, both of them are driven to reach something abstract and inconcievable and ended up using technology as their path to that vague destination that can only be described in poetry.

And finally, he completely foresakes his past at the League. He even he believes he finally has his wings but calls them fabricated, and there is something obviously wrong with the entire thing on multiple levels. They are fabricated wings because he was guided to this conclusion by the hand of another, rather than the introspection throughout IV. His chapter title is "The Unchanging", and it's the only chapter where the trait assigned in the title to the focus Sinner is a positive; him staying true to himself and his ideals was the key, but he needed to actually move past his apathy and actually grasp them, but here he has completely changed beyond recognition. Turned arrogant, callous and utterly irrational, discarding all of his self-loathing by divorciating himself from the self that he hates, yet the Sloth—the apathy remains, instead of moving past it, fighting it back with his Lust in an endless cycle of dopamin chases while growing numb to everything else and even destroying it if it fails to satisfy that Lust so that it will, as shown as he kills failing students to take delight in their shock and agony.

But at the same time it frames that portrait of the League in his background art a completely different meaning. It is most likely that this portrait is a mockery of all of them, regarding the past and the life he lived until now including his past self with the same condescencion he does examinees that fail to impress him. Specially when you take in count how his own face is much more well-painted than the childish erratic strokes he assigns to the other, making them look ridiculous. But at the same time, Yeonsim is there under them, but flipped to its underside, he still held onto it but as far as we know it might be completely broken and only keeps it as part of his insulting work going by another of his idle chatter lines.

This dark inversion of Yi Sang's journey even before Limbus and Canto IV is also emphasized by Pointillism in particular being chosen as the subject for this ID, this was first pointed out by this Korean Twitter user (and fellow irl Yi Sang enjoyer going by the layout) in the original announcement for this ID:

Of course, this theme compliments Yi Sang's resolution in IV pretty well. He loved the League and grew to love Limbus because they were his resting place. I can't find any translation of Jochunjeommyo however, so I can only rely on summaries and posts put through machine translation. But from what I can summarize, the story is about an artist who can't find a place to breathe and simply exist due to the materialistic, capitalistic nature of the city he finds himself in, which fits pretty neatly with Yi Sang's story as a whole.

I'd also like to point out how a less overtly unhinged variation of this kind of development is shown in his Dieci ID story (which I wanted to make a post on for a while because it really feels like it was preliminary to this and not enough people talk about how messed up Dieci Yi Sang actually is) and how he comes to adopt a mentality just like Ryoshu's, with her already being linked to The Fingers and knowing about their workings personally to the point she might have been affiliated at some point though we cannot confirm, however I will instead link to this post by my friend on the topic since they already did a dissection on how Yi Sang and Ryoshu act as ideological foils and they pretty much said it better than I could: https://www.tumblr.com/ishcliff/743271628518129664/so-any-thoughts-of-well-the-blade-lineage-itself?source=share

So that's all I've got for now! Honestly I am so over the moon with this ID and the potential implications going forward as you can imagine.

#limbus company meta #limbus company analysis #project moon #limbus company #lcb Yi Sang #answers #I am back and I am announcing it with aggresive intent #hello people I am still very insane I was just busy schoolwork internships exam trips etc #still have some stuff to do but it's relaxed a lot #I am still insane though #lcb League of Nine

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tamelee · 7 months

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Can I just go on a rant about how much I hate them forcing naruhina down our throats? Like idk if you know about it, but there's a really popular naruto game for playstation called "naruto ultimate ninja storm", and there's 4 of them. The first one covers all of the events of part 1, the second one everything in shippuden up to the pain arc, the third one everything after that right before the war, and the fourth one is the whole war and the final fight. After the fourth one's events, they made some side quests in the adventure mode which briefly shows some of the characters lives after the war, but no one's story is as forced as hinata's. Not only can you not skip it like you can skip the others, but there's literally MULTIPLE small quests that have to do with her and ppl tryna pathetically force her and naruto together 😭 even SAI (??) to make things worse, sasuke, an objectively really important character both in the story and in naruto the MCs life, is nowhere to be seen. Ik he's traveling at this point but they could've easily shown him writing letters to naruto or maybe have naruto go on an adventure to meet him somewhere, but nope. Instead they have sakura playing matchmaker and telling naruto to take hinata around the world to different important places in naruto's life to show her his adventures (including the final valley!! that really pissed me off 😡) and the whole time naruto's just confused why he has to do alla that 😭 like that cringey quest not even working makes the whole thing even more annoying and pointless. It felt like they were kinda incorporating the last movie's storyline into the game. And the one with sai has him literally call hinata an angel and every other konoha girl the devil bc they dared to call out naruto's flaws, but good little missy hinata bug eyes princess hyuga kept finding good in every one of his bad flaws so she must be a sweet little angel 😭 she worships him like he's a God and they call it being in love. I mean naruto and sasuke are in love with each other and neither worships the other so 🥴 the quest was basically the konoha girls getting together to tell hinata about naruto's flaws so she can know him better if she wants to pursue a relationship with him. like the whole thing is so fucking cringey and weird idek where to begin with it. Like first of all who the fuck are all the girls tryna tell hinata about naruto as if they even know him that well? Besides sakura who still doesn't even know him well enough to give that kinda advice. But also why the hell is sai complimenting the hell out of hinata as if he even knows who she is? Like other than the last movie he has no idea who she is and canon shippuden sai is under the impression naruto's in love with sakura so it makes no sense for him to do this. Another one has hinata's sister analyzing naruto to see if he's good for her and once again naruto's just confused. In fact he doesn't even know who she is until she tells him and he realizes they look alike 😂 This whole thing is so obviously the very definition of forced. First we have to witness her in canon and now I can't even play a game peacefully without miss "n-n-n-n-n-n-naruto-kun 👉🏻👈🏻" or other ppl praising her highness being shoved down my throat 🙄 I like that they made naruto confused the whole time tho, at least that was ic. Wish sasuke was in it more tho. I'm glad at least they didn't have that happen to him cuz that would be too far for me 😭 I don't wanna have to witness weirdos approaching sasuke to shove sakura up his ass like they do with poor naruto. Anyway rant over, I'm gonna read narusasu fics to fill the hole in my heart now :/

Hi <3

“Can I just go on a rant about how much I hate them forcing naruhina down our throats? Like idk if you know about it, but there's a really popular naruto game for playstation called "naruto ultimate ninja storm", and there's 4 of them. The first one covers all of the events of part 1, the second one everything in shippuden up to the pain arc, the third one everything after that right before the war, and the fourth one is the whole war and the final fight.”

Ofc, you can always come and rant <;3 (I myself had to hold back so much to not go on a major Hinata rant after reading this though 😒) Ah yes, I actually planned to play the fourth one and the one that’s coming out (storm connections). Other then having seen some gameplay and trailers I’m not too familiar with the games yet.. I do find it interesting that they always exploit teen-SNS for promotional material even if their adult-selves are the subject of the promotion and how Naruto's always next to his son when they're around the same age, lol.

“After the fourth one's events, they made some side quests in the adventure mode which briefly shows some of the characters lives after the war, but no one's story is as forced as hinata's. Not only can you not skip it like you can skip the others, but there's literally MULTIPLE small quests that have to do with her and ppl tryna pathetically force her and naruto together 😭 even SAI (??) “

You can skip sq’s except for Hinata’s 🥲? Well, I’ve never seen ‘the Last’, but that’s exactly what they do in that movie, right? The entire plot is to force a version of a dumbed down Naruto that suddenly lacks all development and emotional intelligence for the sake of miss princess to then “screw” (Boruto; bolt) them together through Naruto's utter confusion and canon retcon because he'd never otherwise, lmao it’s so pathetic. Instead of giving us a proper blank period story they come with this bs. So I’m guessing the story in the game went the same direction...

“like that cringey quest not even working makes the whole thing even more annoying and pointless. It felt like they were kinda incorporating the last movie's storyline into the game.”

Ah yeah.

“to make things worse, sasuke, an objectively really important character both in the story and in naruto the MCs life, is nowhere to be seen. Ik he's traveling at this point but they could've easily shown him writing letters to naruto or maybe have naruto go on an adventure to meet him somewhere, but nope."

He is canonically just as important as Naruto to tell the story (harmony), but do you really think that if they've actually shown Naruto meeting up with Sasuke during the blank period that it's then possible in any way to make the sequel happen the way it is now and force every traumatized-from-war-etc-19yo to marry and have babies as quickly as possible? No.

Every time I start typing the reasons why I end up ranting so I gave up, but you'll understand why, yes? 😆 Too much happens when they're around each other, both in text, subtext, body language and emotion. If you want anyone to believe Naruto and Sasuke are happily married with wives (they're not happy) then they should avoid this. Alas.

"Instead they have sakura playing matchmaker and telling naruto to take hinata around the world to different important places in naruto's life to show her his adventures (including the final valley!! that really pissed me off 😡) and the whole time naruto's just confused why he has to do alla that 😭”

Nooo ffs! Poor Naruto!!!!!! 😩😩 But yeah, this does sound like the things I read about her movie where Sakura plays matchmaker so her and Hinata can 'help' each other (sure girlie, well played), where she smacks Naruto and calls him an 'idiot' idek how many times because they are trying to tell him he's in love with someone he's not... ... but VotE??? They really went there huh? (literally) 😒 Lol I’m just imagining Naruto talking excitedly about Sasuke or even Iruka during his tour, because anything important has nothing to do with her personally 😆 “oh yeah, I had my first kiss in class... it was with 🥰Sasuke🥰 actually, but you know where that is... aaaand here we are in the middle of Konoha, hehe, Hinata remember you wanted to commit suicide here for your own sake because you wanted me to acknowledge you for a minute? Except you disregarded everything else because you knew you didn't stand a chance anyway and you didn't mind trading that one minute of selfishness for the life of your Hyuuga-slave who would lose his head for you disobeying him and putting yourself in danger? And also ignoring what I and everyone else said and wished for because you just had to be so fucking selfish.... uh, your own words hehe, and you didn’t give a shit if I would feel guilty for the rest of my life for seeing a friend die in front of me, for my sake because you were the only one not trusting me? Even though I was in despair for not having an answer to the Akatsuki for a responsibility dumped on me, ah! Not because I wouldn't be able to do anything but you clearly don't have any faith me at all which is something I struggle with a lot because I want everyone to trust me y'know? Like the village does now... at least my power.. :/ ... I mean I guess.... and also because my trauma caused me to bear this responsibility of keeping what I thought was my only source of acknowledgement (the villagers) safe until I met Iruka and Sasuke, but then you said "fuck all!!!"... yeah no I almost heard you say it hehehe and it almost caused me to kill the entire village if it wasn't for my dead father????? Yeah HAHAHAaa eh, anyway let's move on. Oh! Over there, when I was with 🥰Sasuke 🥹🥰, lemme tall you about 🥰Sasukeeeee🥰-”

“And the one with sai has him literally call hinata an angel and every other konoha girl the devil bc they dared to call out naruto's flaws, but good little missy hinata bug eyes princess hyuga kept finding good in every one of his bad flaws so she must be a sweet little angel 😭 she worships him like he's a God and they call it being in love. I mean naruto and sasuke are in love with each other and neither worships the other so 🥴 the quest was basically the konoha girls getting together to tell hinata about naruto's flaws so she can know him better if she wants to pursue a relationship with him. like the whole thing is so fucking cringey and weird idek where to begin with it. Like first of all who the fuck are all the girls tryna tell hinata about naruto as if they even know him that well? Besides sakura who still doesn't even know him well enough to give that kinda advice.”

Oml. Here I went off-topic initially to complain about the villagers of Konoha who bad-mouth Naruto and all.. but we get how ridiculous it is that they are the ones thinking they know anything about Naruto when he represses everything for other people's sakes, right? Right. Also, lol, not only does Naruto have to give her an entire tour, she also goes to a Ted-talk to learn about him 😆? Isn't it the other way around in that movie where Naruto is stuck in a genjutsu (which is impossible at that point/retcon) to get a power point presentation about her to brainwash his dumbed-down self? "You love Hinata 101" That's kinda funny ngl. Girlie stalked his ass her entire life and only steps out of the shadow if she can profit from it in terms of acknowledgement and yet even after they are married knows nothing about him nor can say much about him to Boruto and leaves that task to Sasuke because she only knows what everyone else knows which is nothing more past the superficial surface HA!

“But also why the hell is sai complimenting the hell out of hinata as if he even knows who she is? Like other than the last movie he has no idea who she is and canon shippuden sai is under the impression naruto's in love with sakura so it makes no sense for him to do this. Another one has hinata's sister analyzing naruto to see if he's good for her and once again naruto's just confused. In fact he doesn't even know who she is until she tells him and he realizes they look alike 😂”

Well yeah, what do we expect from Sai.... Ajgharoguhwrgj I've seen things about characters 'doubting' whether Naruto is good 'enough' for princess Hinata even though... *gestures aggressively at the Manga*. They're used as mere trophies at this point :/

“This whole thing is so obviously the very definition of forced. First we have to witness her in canon and now I can't even play a game peacefully without miss "n-n-n-n-n-n-naruto-kun 👉🏻👈🏻" or other ppl praising her highness being shoved down my throat 🙄 I like that they made naruto confused the whole time tho, at least that was ic. Wish sasuke was in it more tho. I'm glad at least they didn't have that happen to him cuz that would be too far for me 😭 I don't wanna have to witness weirdos approaching sasuke to shove sakura up his ass like they do with poor naruto. Anyway rant over, I'm gonna read narusasu fics to fill the hole in my heart now :/“

Yep, but yeah I personally am happy that Sasuke is not made to be a part of that including the parts in Naruto's life that should've been a happy memory when they all end up in a disaster. That would've been contradictory would he have been by his side. I know many people have disagreed with me in the past but I stand by what I said; seeing them both miserable makes sense. It's also not what I wanted, but at least those parts are IC given we're already at this point. I don't want to bore you with a lot of marketing talk, but this is all part of its strategy. Kishimoto is the author and creator of the original Manga, but he isn't a businessman. Nor are the people in business necessarily storytellers. Professional storytellers (except for Jun Esaka, 'author' of retsuden, who's probably someone's niece or something) are hired to accomplish a goal. Everything beyond the original story goes through an entire web of business-related processes which by itself has nothing to with Kishimoto or the story but is often designed to expand a franchise and doing anything possible to make members of the audience into consumers and active participants to broaden the experience. Hence why games and such are media channels used for 'exclusive' content. These are considered a part of what we call content-mapping and they usually separate goals or subjects that need extra attention... Also, bet most of you didn't know that 'the Last' came with over 30 different types of exclusive merch and even 2 separate books to boost Hinata :') It's insane really. The main character isn't the main priority because it depends on the strategy.. which is kinda really screwed when you think about it because I do wonder how it would've played out if Naruto and Sasuke were 🥹 So yeah, it all makes sense, but it's not fun. Hope you were able to find some good fics though *-*🧡

#asktamelee #naruto talk #anti ending #anti naruto ending #hh talk #naruto marketing #long post

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forkaround · 9 months

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This post is an extension to this post about what can be classified as a BL. I'd rec you read that post first.

I woke up in the morning with this in my notifs and I just....

Anyway, let's break it down:

Does a QL simple mean that the main characters are queer and you go in knowing that?

First of, in my post I say BL is where you know "Boys are kissing boys and girls are kissing girls." If there is no romance (thus the reference to kissing), the show becomes irrelevant to the conversation.

But to answer: What's wrong with that?

That makes literally *anything* centering queer people and queer love a QL

Great! It's QL.

I've seen this pointed out multiple times have these people wondered why they don't want to call something they think is good a QL? What is wrong with the title of QL?

and that imo is somewhat belittling of queer people's existence as in their presence in society as a a given is inherently 'genre'

Yeah, and Pride and Prejudice is a 'straight genre'

If that doesn't make sense, well, that sentence didn't make sense to me. Does making crime shows make the lives of cops and criminals in to a genre??? It's such an absurd statement. Or maybe I'm just sleepy....

this is very different from thinking QL is 'bad'--you'd never call anything with an expected straight romance in it 'romance' by default

Yeah! That's how it works! Romance is romance. Romance is a genre. It's literally the biggest genre there is. There is more romance written, published, made into animation or live action than literally any other genre by a huge margin.

Romance can and is often combined with other genres. Doesn't change that it is a romance.

you'd call it whatever genre it is; when you meet a series of fitting tropes you'd call it a rom-com

What does rom stand for again?

Romance is often used with other genres, from action to horror to contemporary to fantasy to sci-fi.

This I think primarily comes from people not knowing how genres work. It's not a Boolean (as one would say in computer science). It's not a True/False thing where if it's action it can't be romance. If it's romance it can't be political.

As they say: It contains multitides.

shouldn't queer stories be afforded the same discretion?

Moonlight Chicken, Kinnporsche, Old Fashion Cupcake, Bad Buddy, Love in the Air, Not Me, 180 Degrees, GAP the series, HIStory 3: Trapped, About Youth, Mood Indigo, Cherry Magic, I could go on. You don't have to go anywhere else for it. BL already has it all.

So I'll ask again: Why do you feel that 'BL' is a bad word?

Other people have wrote about this with better sources and much deeper understanding so I'll try my best to convey it here:

As I understand the situation, something got lost in translation when yaoi travelled from Japan to the US and people started understanding yaoi to be a 'dirty' genre, that did not depict honest queerness despite it being made up of majorly queer people. It became the genre that was 'for straight women by straight women'. If you look at US the same phenomenon can be observed when people talk, or at least talked, about slash fiction. Mix in some cultural context and yaoi goes from a fun escapist genre to the bane of queer existence genre. Fiction is enjoyed differently in different parts of the world. Nothing wrong with that. Hell, nothing unique or special with that statement either. It's a fact of life. If Shakespeare can't be universal, as many like to claim, we should not expect the same of anything else.

And let's never forget how westerners think their version of queerness is the only real version. I've had personal experience with this and I can say: People need to open their minds and understand that not everything is from their perspective. When I encounter any American thing in a show or book, I simply slide past it because I'm not American. I've never been to America. It doesn't change the story itself, so why bother, what would be the point. If people applied that approach instead of analyzing every detail and expecting it to fit your world view then we would all be happier.

(It turned sappy at the end there. I'm sleepy.)

#Moonlight Chicken #Kinnporsche #Old Fashion Cupcake #Bad Buddy #Love in the Air #Not Me #180 Degrees #GAP the series #HIStory 3: Trapped #About Youth #Mood Indigo #Cherry Magic #manner of death #long post #only friends #wedding plan #laws of attraction

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wildwren · 6 months

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the artful dodger meta dump

So I’ve been making a lot of Artful Dodger gifs and recommending it to people, etc, so I feel like now’s a good time to get down some thoughts about what I liked about the writing and what I wish they’d done better. I’m not intimately familiar with Oliver Twist the novel, so this won’t be an analysis of how the show succeeds as an adaptation or sequel. Rather, I’m assessing the show on its own terms and examining specific characterizations as they relate to gender and race.

warning: spoilers for the entire series

lady belle fox

The most divisive character in The Artful Dodger is without a doubt the female main character, Lady Belle Fox. Belle is a deeply intelligent and ambitious young white woman. She’s also the daughter of the colonial governor, existing in the highest strata of privilege her society can offer — excepting being a man. She’s very forward, bossy, egotistical, often self-serving and occasionally mean. She is, as the kids say, “unlikeable.”

So, is this the dreaded girlbossification in action? I don’t personally find the term “girlboss” to be a useful descriptor for analyzing female characterization, but if you find it useful, go right ahead. However, I do take issue with the accusations of “lazy girlboss writing” because I think the extremes of Belle’s characterization are pretty clearly a feature and not a bug.

The writing gives extensive in-story explanations for why Belle is Like This. She was raised by a wickedly smart mother, Lady Jane, whose marriage to Belle's fuddy-duddy father is a transparent front for her own personal ambitions. She essentially administers the colony herself while her husband works in the garden. Lady Jane recognizes these same qualities in her daughter and actively encourages them, steering Belle in the direction of similarly weak-willed young men who Belle might be able to manipulate into letting her lead the life she wants: one of medical study and practice. This is essentially how she approaches her relationship with Jack from the get-go. She sees him as a man she can manipulate and domineer for her own ends. The problem is, Jack isn’t actually a patsy. He’s a true match, and one of unfortunately unmarriageable quality.

The focus of Belle’s ambition is also not random. She’s has a chronic degenerative heart condition, one which she’s had to research and diagnose for herself, because the doctors around her have failed to give her useful information. It makes sense that her formidable intelligence would end up hyperfixating on medicine and surgery as a means of addressing her own illness.

Due to these factors — the matriarchal power structure of her family in combination with the patriarchal privilege of her culture — Belle can get away with almost anything. She throws her weight around the colony without consequence, invoking her father’s name at will without any of her father’s retribution. The writing certainly takes some liberties with anachronism, but this isn’t just a case of placing a modern woman in a period setting. They've made intentional characterization choices to back it up.

The writing is also very aware of Belle’s flaws and the tension they create with other characters. Belle’s privileged position makes it difficult for her to see the world from the same perspective as Jack. This is most notable in episode 6, when Belle tries to defend her father’s “law and order” crackdown as a necessary measure to control crime, and Jack has to explain to her the concept of structural violence. She’s also called out by Red, the outlaw who’s life Belle saves by means of an emergency surgery. Although Belle lies to protect her, Red doesn’t excuse Belle for her role in colonial project: “Your family are the biggest thieves in Port Victory.”

I was impressed with how this particular subplot was executed with regards to Belle’s arc. It doesn't feel like a “turn to the camera" teaching moment. It feels instead like the inevitable consequence of the tension that arises when people develop relationships across class and life experience. (“If you can’t see what’s happening here, Belle, then you and I have big problems. This puts a wall between us.”) It also doesn't feel like a misogynistic hit designed to take Belle down a peg. Her ego is healthy enough to get through unscathed.

However, there are some aspects of Belle’s specific brand of white feminism that aren’t as well executed. Most notable is her relationship with Hetty. Hetty is a hard-working nurse and Catholic woman of color who works in the hospital. She is increasingly sidelined both in her professional role and her role in Jack’s life by Belle’s self-empowering self-insertion into the surgical room. There’s clear tension between them, and understandable disapproval from Hetty towards Belle and Jack’s indulgence of Belle’s ego. However, this tension is never fully explored. By the end of the series, Hetty and Belle appear to be friends, or at least allies, with no discernible explanation. Is Hetty just that much bigger of a person? Does she think a rising tide will lift all ships? We don’t know, because her motivations are never examined. The closest we get is an introspective moment that implies Hetty’s unrequited feelings for Jack, which does little to explain her acceptance of Belle’s role in the hospital. It’s end up being unsatisfying, a disservice to Hetty’s quite interesting potential as a character.

jack’s gang

However, I think where the writing suffers most is in its failure to examine Jack’s whiteness and privilege. Jack identifies strongly as a have-not, despite having gained some power and privilege as a doctor, and over the course of the story, he ends up surrounded by a crew of other have-nots, most of whom are men of color. His closest friend before Fagin returns is an aboriginal man named Tim, an engineer (and partner to the outlaw Red) who makes prosthetic arms and legs for amputees. There’s potential here, but this relationship is never really examined. We don’t learn how they met or what drew them together, besides apparently working in the same building.

The only tension between them comes when Jack tries to guilt Tim into doing him a favor based on Jack’s previous generosity, and Tim hits back from an equal position: “Pricey, isn’t it? Your loyalty?” But just as with Hetty, this tension is dropped, and Tim’s and Jack’s goals are essentially aligned for the rest of the story. The other members of Jack and Fagin’s gang get even less exploration. On the one hand, it’s a gang of thieves getting up to silly hijinks — they’re not each going to have a fleshed out character arc. On the other hand, the characterization choices uphold some harmful colonial optics, where a diverse crew of characters answer to two white men as the explicit brains of the operation.

red

The best treatment for a character of color is almost certainly Frances ‘Red’ Scrubbs, a sharp-shooting aboriginal woman and a crafty outlaw (partner to Tim). This is definitely because Miranda Tapsell, the actress who portrays Red, was tapped as a consulting writer. (!!!!!). Red’s not a member of Fagin’s gang but a leader of her own crew, and she serves as a sort of playful nemesis to Fagin for the first few episodes, often outfoxing him or beating him to a steal. She also gets a subplot arc of her own, and is the source of the show’s most effective anti-colonial messaging. She embodies an ethos of unapologetic indigenous resistance. Her occasional solidarity with Fagin and Jack is always conditional on her own right to survive and thrive. Her distrust of the colonial medical system she must rely on to escape the noose is the closest the show gets to exploring medical trauma as structural violence (it’s still a very light dive.) The story ends with her taking revenge on the hateful lawman who targeted her and returning to the bush to live with her daughter.

If anything, the show could have benefited from more Red, a deeper exploration of her world and her gang outside of her interactions with Fagin and Jack. But one can understand how that might have been outside the scope of the showrunners' intentions.

At the end of the day, The Artful Dodger is a white-centric narrative. The focus of the story is the relationship between Jack and Fagin and the relationship between Jack and Belle, and both of these dynamics are excellently written. If it’s renewed for a Season Two, I hope they can extend the scope to give space for more complex narratives like Red's.

#the artful dodger #my meta

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chiarrara · 3 months

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Nanami anon here. I really hope they develop Mahoro with these sorts of themes in mind. I can't believe I forgot the princess aspect of Nanami, it's such a big thing in Utena in regards to self delusion and how people end up stuck in gendered social roles. This general perspective is what's keeping me interested in Bucchigiri cuz I can see so much potential for that sort of depth. I'm so glad I could help spark this sort of discussion (it's been sorta hard to find people willing to engage with these kind of interpretations).

Hiiii Nanami anon! I'm so glad you came back!!

Yes I think this story is so interesting even just in the potential it sets up. If it doesn't deliver on that potential it could be disappointing, I guess. but it brings up a lot of interesting discussions either way, so I'm just enjoying where we are right now and the conversations going on in the criminally tiny fandom.

To be completely honest i spent a lot of time arguing with people about the literary worth of this show on another platform and it was just depressing. Nobody wanted to engage deeper than surface level appeal, and only would approach it through an extremely narrow lens of expected tropes of the type of show *they* wanted to watch, and a demand for pandering to one type of fan in a genre it doesn't even really belong to, instead of honestly approaching it for what it is and the story it's trying to tell. I've been trying to curate my experience more so I can actually enjoy myself, and interacting with the small community of people here who actually like to enjoy and analyze the show within the literary conversation it's clearly trying to have has been so much more fulfilling.

ANYWAY, I love what you're bringing up because self-delusion is such a big theme here! and specifically how it interacts with compulsory gender roles!!! Like, Arajin is trying so hard to fulfill compulsory heterosexuality, but is running away from the very masculine coded honor-through-fighting that senya and the general culture value. A lot of people suspect that his pursuit of losing his virginity is a way to make up for his self-perceived weakness and failure to uphold the masculine ideal of honor-through-fighting when he was young.

THEN when MAHORO stands up and displays that ideal, he is able to achieve it (at least for a moment). There's also discussion that if this follows Aladdin, he's going to lose the genie and some point and will have to essentially prove himself as honorable without the genie's help. This could be interesting. We'll see what happens.

So is fighting masculine coded in this show? Or is it just the height of honor? Or is fighting for the right reasons or in the right ways honorable. Because not all the fighting is portrayed as a good thing.... I'm thinking out loud here.

Anyway, Mahoro is also stuck in this gendered role obviously, but I wonder how much self-delusion will play into it. She believed she needed to use her role as a cute girl to stop the fight, but all those attempts failed. Ultimately what worked was dropping the facade, dropping the role & those tactics, and standing up to fuckface (i do not care about this man I'm so sorry lol) as HERSELF. Saying what she really thought, how she really felt about these people and the whole situation. And basically willing to sacrifice her well-being to do so. Ooooh this is so interesting!!!!

I really can't wait to see where this goes, I know I keep saying that but. It's true. I mean, Matakara could be said to have some delusions about honor. Maybe the way he sees his brother is diluted. He believes in Arajin to a fault, but he was proven correct. Although it wasn't him that sparked the change. I dunno, a lot to think about.

I'm so glad I could be an intermediary for this discussion! I don't know anything about Utena, but if y'all do feel free to talk through me lol. I'm loving this.

#bucchigiri?!#bucchigiri #jin mahoro #arajin tomoshibi #matakara asamine #revolutionary girl utena #mahoro jin #bucchigiri analysis #bucchigiri meta #bucchigiri predictions

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dichromaticdyke · 6 months

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Brendon Small’s Galaktikon and Metalocalypse

before i start, i want to thank @eternallyblight and @mariaclarareincarnate for bringing the potential connections between the “Murmaider” trilogy and Galaktikon to my attention. this post exists because of you both. this was also brought to you by too much caffeine. click here to enable me.

contains spoilers for all of Metalocalypse, including Army of the Doomstar. if you'd prefer to read on Google Docs, you can find that here.

Introduction

okay, my loves. Brendon Small’s Galaktikon.

here’s the thing—going into this analysis, i gave myself two rules: one, anything Brendon Small has said specifically about Galaktikon and its relationship to mtl does not matter. i didn’t even look up if he had said anything regarding it for that exact reason. i take a very death of the author approach when it comes to literary analysis, and that’s not because i think authors’ opinions don’t matter. i do, and i think it is important that we know what authors’ intentions were when it comes to their works. however, an author’s intentions also don’t matter once that work is out in the public. because in order for a text to continue to move and evolve once it has been published, readers need to continue to interpret it. if we focus solely on the author’s interpretations, that limits our own creative analysis and criticism, making the text stagnant. any analysis is valid, even if it isn’t what an author intended, so long as it’s not in direct contradiction with the text. that’s why i hate posts that are like, “you think the text is about x but it’s ACTUALLY about y.” if x isn’t a direct contradiction of y, then it can be about both.

secondly, because of all this, when i first started listening to Galaktikon and reading the lyrics for this post, i had this idea that i was going to keep it completely separate from mtl. yes, Brendon Small made both projects, yes there are common themes between the two, yes it’s impossible to listen to Galaktikon without hearing Nathan or Pickles or Ishnifus Meaddle. but i’m of the opinion that, if Galaktikon were directly related to mtl in any way, it would have mtl or Dethklok branding.

so—i’m looking at this from the perspective that Galaktikon, unlike the Murmaider trilogy (read my post analyzing those songs if you haven’t yet, this post serves as a continuation of it), is not important to understanding mtl or its lore. however, all this being said, i can’t deny that the parallels do still exist, that there are still common themes shared between the two projects. and that’s why this post is so long—i’m breaking down both the Galaktikon albums and pointing out the parallels between that story and the Murmaider trilogy. i have been told Galaktikon II’s story was Brendon’s original plan for the mtl finale, so i’ll look at parallels between that and AotD as well [note from the future: i wrote that before actually starting to analyze Galaktikon II! wow!! i underestimated everything!!! the sleeper has awakened!!!!]. but that’s what these are—cinematic parallels. it’s like, when you look at The Doomstar Requiem and Ishnifus Meaddle was killed and hung on a crucifix. that’s a parallel to jesus christ, but that doesn’t mean Ishnifus was jesus christ, or even this universe’s equivalent. no, that was Nathan.

hope that all makes sense.

another important thing: my dears, if you’ve read either of my previous song analysis posts, you’ll know i like to break down the entire song, get full context for symbolism and themes before analyzing. however, that’s just not going to be practical here. instead, i’m going to primarily summarize the stories presented in each song, with sparse lyrical citations where i feel necessary, and analyze from there. the lyrics are taken from Metal Archives. a lot of the primary summaries will be a bit redundant, especially if you’re familiar with the Galaktikon albums and stories, so try to at the very least make note of every time i use a pin emoji (📌)—those are the most important parts to my analysis. and final disclaimer, this is based solely off the music. i look at the Galaktikon briefly for small references, but it doesn’t matter to me.

sorry for the longest prologue in the world. let’s get started. pin count: 0

The Story of Galaktikon I

Triton

we begin with our protagonist (whom i'll be calling Triton since that's his name in the comics) racing through space, passing several star systems, constellations, galaxies along his way:

serpantis [sic] sextonis [sic] sersinus [sic] delphinus orion octonus [sic] andromeda poseidon

despite misspellings (thanks Metal Archives) these are all real areas of space that exist in our world: Serpentis, Sextans, Circinus, Delphinus, Orion, Octantis, Andromeda, and Poseidon. those last two i want to note right off the bat. Andromeda, which mtl fans will recognize andromeda as a reoccurring theme in the show, and Poseidon, which could either be referring to the NASA satellite or it could just be the greek name for the planet Neptune. i’m inclined to believe the latter at this point in time. but we’ll come back to both of these when it comes time for the analysis. for now, enjoy this: 📌 actually, we need two of those. 📌

Triton is unwillingly stepping into his role as protector of the universe, now that the gods have seemingly disappeared. Triton then speaks to someone who seems to be similar to him: someone who is

indestructible he is a man with god like [sic] strength the faster [he] flies the stronger he becomes

i would be inclined to believe this was just a pov-shift, but the following lines tell me that these are two different characters:

yes I must fly on gonna fly away cause you're gonna fly on too anyway

for the time being, i’ll refer to this other character as Triton’s rival (this is temporary don't worry).

the song ends with Triton looking to get out of where he is and get advice for his ongoing mission.

Prophecy of the Lazer Witch

this song is from the point of view of the titular Witch (Phyllis). she’s telling Triton that this “Black Love" (Lizyra) he referred to in the previous song is in danger and “will be abducted in dreams.” Phyllis tells Triton to let this all play out, que será será.

Phyllis also warns Triton of “a Beast [Beastblade] on a mountain” who is hiding his malicious intent so that he can manipulate Triton. Beastblade wants Triton’s power, and he wants to become immortal. Triton angrily leaves Phyllis, unwilling to believe her.

Beastblade

this song is from the point of view of Beastblade (duh lol). he is on the hunt and has just killed something (or someone). he then speaks about a “her,” someone he wants to claim. it seems though that he’s not interested in her specifically, but instead he just wants her to hurt someone else:

I'll own her I'll rule her it's over and I promise you that I'll take away the things that you trust the things that you love I'll find a way to share all my pain with you it's so easy for me she's so vulnerable

he’s talking to Triton here, in my opinion, and that’s where it becomes clear that Triton’s rival and Beastblade are the same being. so this “her” he’s referring to is Lizyra. this gives us a total of four characters.

Deathwaltz

BEASTBLADE IS MAKING THE MOVES ON LIZYRA AND IT GIVES MY DYKE ASS THE ICK. “my god I’m so into you” go to THERAPY. [i wrote this line before reading the comic and wee that there actually is therapy in this world, i'm literally so fucking smart.]

definitely comes off like he’s just gonna charm her, but she’s not into it, so the manipulation starts :) he clearly wants to try to make it seem like this was her choice, but he’s. very transparent in his intentions:

i can read your thoughts you're mind's made up you know you've got no will you're mine to break it's your chance you better take it now

Truth Orb and the Kill Pool

the toxic gossip train is pulling into the station (reference that will age poorly, i’m sure). word around the galaxy is Beastblade and Lizyra are getting it on. Triton is totally fine guys he’s totally fine with it. he’s fine. this is fine. he’s fine.

anyway once he’s done being a jealous idiot, he realizes she’s in danger, obviously, but saving her would put him in danger too! cry me a fucking river.

this whole section is here is fascinating to me

your identity is known kill the deity right now it's moving forward will no one help her she's begging screaming they just stand there you know it's gonna get darker you know that a storm will brew you know you're gonna lose everything how can you do it when you know she wouldn't do it for you

so…Triton knows what he has to do. he had to save her, he has to kill Beastbladethe Beast, no one else can do it. but he’s terrified, and he’s also convinced that she wouldn’t do the same for him. whether this is because of his jealousy or because his feelings for her were always one-sided, i don’t know yet. but, see this? 📌 i’m jabbing this through this section. here’s a few more: 📌 📌 📌 we’re gonna fucking need those.

You Can’t Run Away

Beastblade is now taunting Triton. he’s trying to manipulate him, put him “under [his] control,” by telling him that he’s stalking him, he knows everything about him, he has Lizyra. but at the same time, if Triton wants to put an end to it, he’d be risking his life and Lizyra’s. [edit: the comics show that this is mostly Beastblade taunting Lizyra. close enough, doesn’t change much.]

Arena War of the Immortal Masters

this song could be from both Triton’s or Beastblade’s pov. i’m honestly not sure—both, maybe? it doesn’t matter, it’s just about them finally meeting and getting ready to engage in this epic battle.

Dangertits

this song is instrumental. so, why am i even bringing it up? i don’t know. maybe the song title is funny. maybe because Brendon has a habit of giving characters names that are just [noun]-[body part]. 📌

On My Way

look at what the first fucking verse of this song is:

And now poseidon is dead and i spread black love like fire and i have killed all desires i am a machine

POSEIDON. Beastblade was Poseidon this whole time. Brendon Small, you really got me, thinking in that first song that Poseidon was another space reference. no, it was just the god of the sea, no big deal. except that this actually didn’t answer anything, take this: 📌

anyway, now Triton is all fucked up. he won the battle, but at the cost of most of his physical form, becoming part machine. he also now has this reputation of being a hero, and others want his services—

apparently now I'm needed and none of the warnings heeded now I'm in this too because of you.

he’s haunted by the ghosts of this adventure, Beastblade and Lizyra, and it’s taking an immense mental toll on him:

who will i battle this time is it the beast or she i can't believe I'm still learning that I'm my worst enemy every time.

and the song ends with Triton saying goodbye to Lizyra and moving on from this. almost like Lizyra didn’t mean to him what he thought she meant. 📌

———

and that, my dears, is the story of Galaktikon I. pin count: 9

Galaktikon II: Become the Storm

Some Days Are for Dying

we’re starting off swinging boys—bloody star in the sky threatening the planet. but Triton really doesn’t want to deal with this end of the world nonsense, doesn’t even feel like he can do anything to help.

The power of my words They mean fucking nothing

he’s unsure of who to trust, only knows he has to drown Beastblade.

The planet will be drowned in a sea of cosmic metal

[deep breath in, deep breath out] 📌📌📌

Icarus Six Sixty Six 📌📌

now this one is fairly standard all around. Triton is flying his ship through space. his ship starts to break down, so he lands, calls his ship mother 📌, and, well…

fasten the cable The speakers check out And the AMP is able Stereo stereo 📌

anyway he gets his ship back working again and heads out.

The Agenda

a voice is speaking to Triton. or, maybe not our protagonist? they are telling him that they understand him when no one else does, that all his friends hate him. 📌 the voice suggests that Triton turn away from his friends and his duty, manipulating him with dreams of grandeur.

The Ocean Galaktik

more voices, my loves! this time it’s sea creature voices ooohh. not even gonna pin this one, we all know. we ALL KNOW. the majority of this song is just expressing the aesthetic of having visions of underwater friends, so let’s look at the actually juicy part:

Though we all must die we don't all live See the world below reform Speak the words and call the storm In this waking dream I feel a pulse I see a heart of steel and gears that move Just like a clock Bodies on the ocean floor fade away Replaced by the queen of this fantasy The voice of this god has revealed herself I bow unto the beast queen alive (And she said) We are the sky We are now the dust from the stars We are the rain We own the light I'm ready to serve my planet now

my loves, do you even need me to analyze this? i’m asking this in earnest—am i wasting your time alongside mine? truly, what are we doing on this earth. oops, all pins 📌📌📌📌

My Name Is Murder 📌

tone shift, darlings. now we’re doing some fun killing. this person we’re following almost certainly isn’t Triton. not just because this story seems to be a continuation of “The Agenda” as opposed to “The Ocean Galaktik,” it would be a wild shift from “let’s help the planet” to “hey let’s kill.” for now let’s just refer to them as the Traitor.

anyway, hey let’s kill. we get word of blasphemers and false gods. this character is told by…someone….to just kill as many fuckers as possible. they are also very much aware that their actions are going to shock everyone, that this is a betrayal. 📌

Become the Storm

The army destroyed now Yet we still survive

damn that’s crazy i’m running out of pins so you don’t get one here.

anyway Triton and his friends have barely survived this betrayal and now they gotta figure something else out.

Fuse the elements With thunder and lightning Become the storm

they are willing to die to defeat Beastblade at this point, pushing him from the land to the water. they still don’t consider themselves soldiers though, just people achieving their destiny.

Nightmare

whoever this is now (i’m unsure at this point [edit from the future: I KNOW NOW], feels like it is most likely the Traitor) laments their current state. they used to be something else, something better than this, but they have fallen so far. they say they’re not Mephistopheles but others think they are. huh okay 📌 they call themselves the darkness that Triton feels, they are

half of what i used to be 📌

and they say that they will wait and see how their life unfolds.

Could This Be the End

climax time! Triton and his allies are about to stand off against Beastblade.

i forgot to mention the falcon imagery in this fucking album and in mtl but this is TOO LONG YOU DON’T GET ANY OF THAT.

ANYWAY

The star is getting nearer Spin the wheel It's a coffin for them all Make them kneel Submit or be gone

it’s getting to the point where it seems as though they might not win this fight. Triton and his allies (THERE’S APPARENTLY FIVE OF THEM WOW OKAY COOL) are going to be sacrificed for Beastblade to gain his ultimate power, and they have accepted their fates. 📌

To Kill a God

Triton and his allies are going to continue this fight, no matter what. using the power of the ice, snow, and ocean, they start to surround the beast. 📌 Triton is referred to as a warlock. the sky opens so that Beastblade can ascend.

Exitus

they’re gonna drown Beastblade out of the Traitor GUYS 📌 i know y’all already knew this i was so late to the Galaktikon party.

anyway, the seek to drown Beastblade even if it could mean death. they drown out Beastblade, fighting to make sure the Traitor doesn’t die.

And now we stand here believers A pentagram of black faith And now we pity the demons And now we march forth that way Our darkened ship will sail on now our flag will fly in display And we own our strength now And with our sword we will reign

they’ve managed to defeat Beastblade, and they are alive. the five of them. black faith. etc. 📌 📌

Rebuilding a Planet

this is an instrumental song. so…they rebuild their planet after it survived the war with Beastblade.

———

wow. Galaktikon II is really fucking familiar ISN’T IT.

pin count: 31

Bonus

Ghosthorse

this i just wanted to include because wow Brendon Small is a horse girl isn’t he.

Analysis

my loves. i feel insane. this is less of a fully formed analysis and more of rambles regarding all the moments i felt were significant.

let’s start by taking each of these pins out, one by one, song by song, and see where it leads us.

“Triton” (2 pins)

these pins are for the mentions of both Andromeda and Poseidon.

to make a long story short, Andromeda’s mother brags that she [it’s actually unclear if this is referring to Andromeda or her mother] is more beautiful than the sea nymphs (known as nereids) and Poseidon doesn't like that. he floods Andromeda’s and her family’s home island and sends a sea monster (Cetus) to ravage the island. Cetus won’t be sated until Andromeda is sacrificed to him, so her dad chains her up naked as a sacrifice until Perseus (an iconic hero figure who shows up a LOT in greek mythology) kills Cetus and rescues her. that’s her story. so, when the figure of Andromeda has shown up in mtl, it’s been in two very important contexts: one, she was the namesake of the song Dethklok had to write on the spot when they were abducted in season 4, and it played while a harem of dozens of abducted women escaped and killed all their captors; two, she was ALSO the namesake for the new deepest part of the ocean where dethklok recorded the majority of their album with Abigail (Andromeda’s Crevice). so in mtl, we see Andromeda associated both with women escaping captivity and with water—this matches her original myth fairly well. as for in Galaktikon, this is likely just a reference to the real life andromeda galaxy, but pointing out this specific galaxy when Brendon has had a history of referencing the Andromeda myth is significant. oh, one other small thing: uh, Andromeda references seem to go hand-in-hand with Abigail, don’t they? they appear in both her introductory episode and the episode wherein she (inadvertently, not her fault, i’m not blaming her in any way) drives a rift between Nathan and Pickles, and the rest of Dethklok in tandem. again, as i first alluded to in the prequel, i don’t think Abigail is meant to be a direct analog to Andromeda—that just doesn’t work. but the connections to the water and being used as bait/a sacrifice for something they had nothing to do with are pretty clear links. i have more i can say about Andromeda specifically, but that will have to wait for my full breakdown of Dethklok’s entire discography. but regarding Galaktikon specifically, that’s pretty much all to say.

as for the Poseidon connection, this could be as simple as a reference to the water god—Brendon used the more recognizable term Poseidon to specifically reference divinity, as opposed to the term Neptune which is more commonly associated with the planet. in my “Murmaider” trilogy analysis, i hypothesize that the water god of the mtl universe is Salacia. so that would be the parallel, too. but i also mentioned the NASA satellite Poseidon. guess what guys. guess what this fucking satellite is for. IT’S FOR MEASURING THE TOPOGRAPHY OF EARTH’S OCEANS. (this will also come up later in my full analysis of Dethklok’s discography, which probably won’t come till 2024, sorry.) SO, regardless of what Brendon was intending for this Poseidon mention to be alluding to, it all comes back to the goddamn water.

“Truth Orb and the Kill Pool” (4 pins)

Lizyraso, let’s start with the obvious—for the most part, Triton is a parallel to Nathan, Lizyra is a parallel to Abigail, and Beastblade is a parallel to Salacia. the first thing i point out in this song is the rumor that Lizyra and Beastblade are hooking up, when in reality, he had abducted her. this doesn’t line up exactly in mtl, as in mtl, Abigail is abducted by Magnus and the Revengencers, and there aren’t any rumors about any elicit affairs (thank GOD). however, this is why i didn’t want to make any explicit statements of which Galaktikon characters are analogs for which mtl characters. because Galaktikon, the first album anyway, is more interested in the typical dynamic of a male hero having to save his female love interest from the Big Bad.

because even though Abigail IS someone Nathan is concerned with saving, she was never important to it. if anything, she was just additional insurance on the off-chance Toki wasn’t enough. but Toki WAS enough. Nathan shows concern for Abigail for like ten seconds because she’s not there to suck his dick, but the rest of the narrative focus is on Toki. i’m not gonna get into how fucked that is, it’s not important right now. but that’s where the parallels between Beastblade and Magnus and Toki and Lizyra start manifesting—Magnus manipulates Toki into trusting him. so Lizyra can represent both Abigail and Toki, just not both of them at the same time; same with Beastblade representing both Salacia and Magnus, but not both at the same time.

Brendon also fucks with the typical “man save woman love interest” narrative in Galaktikon. as far as we can tell, Triton and Lizyra are not actually romantically involved. [edit: they were, but the comics begin with them literally getting divorced.] he likes her, but it’s completely one-sided. and that mirrors Nathan and Abigail, for sure. but you know what else i think about when i look at this song, specifically the lyrics i isolated earlier?

[William:] “Because if that were me in there, none of you would come to save me anyhow.” [Nathan:] “You’re out of your mind. Because if that were you inside, I’d use every breath and risk my life for you.” all i can think of during this song are, of course, the first act of The Doomstar Requiem when Dethklok are just fucking around and refusing to help save Toki and Abigail because of their own fears (despite the fact that the anxiety about those two being kidnapped are clearly affecting them), but then William. William being so convinced that his family wouldn’t risk their lives to save his the way they’re doing so for his sister. “you know it's gonna get darker / you know that a storm will brew / you know you're gonna lose everything / how can you do it when you know she wouldn't / do it for you” in this moment, i don’t see Triton as Nathan—i see him as William, angry and scared and insecure about his own place in the band. Nathan does tell him he’s wrong, but i’m sure that William isn’t buying it at first, both because he’s slowly being possessed by Salacia and because all those insecurities are still present come AotD.

all this to say, Triton is anxious about his relationship with Lizyra, and this draws two parallels back to mtl—Nathan and Abigail, and William and the rest of the band.

“Dangertits” (1 pin)

hey remember how i said i was just bringing this up because Brendon has a bad habit of naming characters [noun]-[body part]? and remember how this song takes place in between the protagonist finally going in to face off against the beast and the victory? you know what else happens in between a moment of self-doubt and the ultimate climax? the fucking scene on the roof with Murderface. just another fun parallel, that’s all. just thought it worth pointing out.

“On My Way” (2 pins)

so, this song confirms that Beastblade was Poseidon—or at least, a god of the sea. that would absolutely prove my Murmaider theory if it weren’t for the fact that in Galaktikon I, Beastbladeis primarily a parallel to MAGNUS NOT SALACIA. so i don’t take it as proof of anything, except a further connection of water gods being villains in Brendon’s works.

the other thing here is the ending. Triton and Lizyra are separated, and Triton cyborg-core now. this foreshadows Nathan’s and Abigail’s “breakup,” but obviously only in hindsight, since the ending of The Doomstar Requiem initially implied that they were in a real relationship now (thank GOD THAT DIDN’T HAPPEN, I CAN’T STRESS THAT ENOUGH). but Triton is left with so much self-doubt, still imagining he’ll have to face off against Beastblade or even Lizyra. and, again, this foreshadows AotD with Beastblade taking the form of Salacia and Lizyra being, well…Abigail, in a sense. but…also Dethklok as a whole. but we’ll be right back with that soon.

so, Galaktikon I parallels The Doomstar Requiem pretty clearly. Galaktikon’s narrative is a bit more straight forward for sure, and it’s missing some crucial parts in DSR, such as the separation from Charles, the Depths of Humanity and broke musicians sequence, etc. but again, that’s to be expected—these are two different stories just with similar narrative beats.

anyway, Galaktikon II made me wonder if i should even bother making this post since it’s so goddamn obvious. but i made a promise that i would look into it, so…let’s go.

“Some Days Are for Dying” (3 pins)

the bloody star is the doomstar, moving on.

Triton is very clearly a parallel to Nathan here i won’t even beat around the bush—Brendon even performs most of the songs about the protagonist with death growls, what can i fucking say (this is gonna be important later). Triton doesn’t want to be a hero anymore, and he’s incredibly insecure of his own abilities.

just like Nathan, Triton knows that he has to use the power behind his words to stop Beastblade. because if he doesn’t, metal will melt the earth.

“Icarus Six Sixty Six” (4 pins)

before we even get INTO THE LYRICS OF THIS SONG i have two things to say.

Icarus. another Greek mythological figure. he and his dad were imprisoned on and island, and they came up with the plan to make themselves wings to fly off the island. they made the wings out of wax and feathers, and they worked. Icarus’s dad was like, “yeah this works but they’re still wax so don’t be an idiot.” his dad escaped, but Icarus was too busy enjoying flying that he flew too high—he got too close to the sun, and the heat melted the wax, and he fucking died. so here, when we see Triton flying around in space, there’s the risk that he too will get so carried away by his power that he leads to his own downfall.

six sixty six. 666. the number of the beast, according to the Bible. uh-oh guess Beastbladeis still here.

this one isn’t important, just Triton associating his ship with the concept of motherhood. where have i seen that before? oh yeah; Pickles being the Dethklok mother and also being depicted as a pilot in MULTIPLE instances—piloting the hover drums in “Rehabklok,” piloting the “Hatredcopter” (along with Nathan), piloting the ship in the music video for “The Galaxy,” and, of course, piloting the dethjet in AotD (“Toki be a good boy and go bring mommy his scotch, i got this”).

and then Triton gets his ship working again by reconnecting some cables, checking the speakers and the amp…in AotD, those are being used to connect the speaker to project the Song of Salvation to the rest of the world. again, it’s not a one-to-one parallel, but it does reinforce, yet again, the theme of music being used by the protagonists in Brendon’s works as their own power.

“The Agenda” (1 pin)

this is a parallel to Murderface being possessed by Salacia, someone is being possessed and having their will manipulated. moving on.

“The Ocean Galaktik” (4 pins)

this song is so obvious to me about its connections to AotD, i don’t even wanna look at it because i know you all see it too. but eternallyblight brought this song up specifically in the tags of my Murmaider analysis. so, let’s look at it through THAT lens.

Triton is getting messages from an aquatic being. she does have immense power, and is likely a deity of some kind—Whale Prophet tease.

Triton sees a heart of gears. a clock. once again, the gods of Brendon’s worlds are associated with time’s arrow. i could write another post as long as this one just about the clock symbolism. but here’s the important thing: both Triton and Nathan having to accept the fact that time doesn’t stop for them, and instead they have to play their part in life.

the deity in this song is referred to as the Beast Queen. so this ties her to Beastblade, at the very least in name. in my Murmaider analysis, i theorized that Salacia and the Whale Prophet, though enemies now, were tied to one another via the sea, that Salacia had been the water god long ago. and in Galaktikon, Beeastblade and the Beast Queen have a similar relationship. we don’t know if they had a similar history, but they are connected to each other. Brendon uses the term “beast” to refer to gods of immense power, gods related to the ocean and to space. now, if you think i’m bringing this all up to draw a parallel to “I Am the Beast”…that would be hilarious. but i’m not—that song has nothing to do with this, that song is about Nathan doing puppy play. no, i’m bringing this up because of a line that the Whale Prophet said to Nathan during his vision with her in AotD that has haunted me for nearly three months now and that i never see ANYONE MENTION: “You are the beast daughters of the apocalypse.” i’m sorry, you WHAT. the Whale Prophet is likening Dethklok to beast figures, particularly in reference to the apocalypse. so—if Brendon has a habit of reusing certain symbols across his projects, that would make Dethklok gods as well. wow who the fuck would have thought.

the Beast Queen makes this explicit to Triton, telling him that he and her are the same—they are forces of the ocean and of space. and that is enough to make Triton ready to do what he has to do. and this is a sharp turn away from how this scene went in AotD. while Nathan does leave his conversation with Her ready to perform the song, he performs the wrong song despite knowing it was the wrong song. that doesn’t seem like someone who was ready to serve his planet, the way Triton is at this point—that instead seems like someone who is still terrified and insecure of his own abilities, desperate not to help but to just make all this world-saving shit end.

“My Name Is Murder” (2 pins)

his name is murder? damn that’s crazy William Murderface Murderface Murderface anyway.

so, possession time. the interesting thing, though, is that it’s easy to look at Murder (that’s what i’m calling this character it’s his name he literally told me so) seems to be a different character from Triton. and that’s like…obviously. Triton just decided he was gonna save the world, but Murder is being possessed by Beastblade to do the opposite. and in the context of AotD, yeah, those are two different characters—Nathan and William. but also…in the context of AotD, William isn’t acting on Salacia’s will the entire time he’s possessed by him. he’s still going along with the band to Deus Keep, doing those trust exercises, working on the songs. he’s helping to save the world. he’s also betraying them. so do you know what i’m getting at here? Murder and Triton are the same person. damn, bet you didn’t think i’d be using Metalocalypse to explain Galaktikon, huh? thought it would be the other way around, didn’t you? surprise bitch, hold on, there's more to come.

“Nightmare” (2 pins)

so i initially pinned this song as being from the pov of Murder—the Murderface analog, if you will. but now that i think that those two characters are both Triton, where does that leave us? it leaves us with a goddamn motherfucking Mephistopheles reference. Mephistopheles is a German demon who first appeared in the story Faust—Mephistopheles is the devil’s agent who mediated the deal Faust makes with the devil. SO. if this character is Triton, who has just betrayed his friends and led to this ultimate destruction of the world, then right now his friends are looking at him at someone with demonic connections, with someone who had tried to get them to destroy their own souls for this life. and now this was the price they were paying. but he’s not Mephistopheles. he wasn’t trying to manipulate anyone, he was the one being taken advantage of. drawing to AotD parallels again, this does naturally diverge yet again—Dethklok wasn’t angry at William for his actions for even a second because they knew it wasn’t him (funnily enough, whoever it was that William met in the Depths of Humanity in The Doomstar Requiem was actually our Mephistopheles analog). and again, that’s why i see this character as Triton—because if we look at him as the current analog of Nathan, Nathan is the one whom others are angry at after the destruction, namely Pickles. because fucking of course they would be—he didn’t write the right song, and he knowingly performed the wrong song because he let his own insecurities get to him. but simply in the context of Galaktikon…Triton had to live with the fact that he used to be a hero, but he threw all that away while under Beastblade’s control.

this song is sung entirely in clean vocals. entirely. this and “The Ocean Galaktik” are the only two songs like this, with “My Name Is Murder” being the only song sung entirely in harsh vocals. every other song in this album (except “Rebuilding a Planet,” of course) utilizes both vocal styles to varying degrees. i’m pretty fucking sure Brendon reserves the clean singing for moments that are directly tied to Triton, harsh singing for moments that directly tied to the Beast—this includes moments following whomever it is that the Beast has possessed while they are enacting the Beast’s will. my biggest evidence for this is that “The Ocean Galaktik” is sung completely in a clean style, and “My Name Is Murder” is sung completely in a harsh style. so, in pointing all this out… the entirety of “Nightmare” is sung clean. all of it. “Nightmare” is about whomever it is that has been possessed and has betrayed Triton’s goal in saving the world. and “Nightmare” is from Triton’s point of view. i very firmly believe this. this is the absolute primary difference between Galaktikon and Army of the Doomstar: this is like if it were Nathan who had gotten possessed—or, even more delicious, all of Dethklok. but again, this ain’t about them. but there’s my evidence, you can’t change my mind. [editor's note: also look at this panel from the Galaktikon comic i found right before posting this, i'm literally correct:]

“Could This Be the End” (1 pin)

it’s the scene with Dethklok on the death march towards Salacia’s Falconback thing. whatever. it’s that whole scene, we get it, moving on.

“To Kill a God” (1 pin)

so the reference to the power of the ocean obviously mirrors the reoccurring themes of the sea and going into the water and the whale prophet in mtl. something something, Murmaider trilogy theory. but the ice and the snow have less of a clear mtl parallel. i would say it is most directly connected to the fact that this battle takes place in Batsfjord, Norway, in a snowy expanse. oh but also melted ice is a theme in “Horse of Fire,” a song that to me is also very clearly about the climax at AotD. but i still haven’t done my Dethklok discography analysis yet, so i can’t tell you exactly what it’s a reference to—look, snow and ice and the ocean are all different forms of water, that’s all that’s actually important.

“Exitus” (3 pins)

so here is where we see another stark difference in the order of events between Galaktikon II and AotD, if we were to take them as direct, literal analogs.

now is where they’re finally submerging Murder in the water until Beastblade is driven out of him. we all were fucking broken during that scene with Murderface in AotD, i don’t gotta get into it. but, see, i had put forth the idea that Murder and Triton are the same character. i still firmly believe that, here’s more evidence.

the fact that this happens AFTER the climactic battle with Beastblade. like, think about it, really—why would Triton go into battle against Beastblade knowing that one of his allies has betrayed him? now, you could make the argument that the protagonist didn’t know, but “Nightmare” makes it pretty clear that Murder has been found out. my theory is this: Triton was discovered to have betrayed his allies, and this conflict is what drove the ridge between them that allowed for Beastblade to capture them, even momentarily. next question i expect y’all to ask is, “but if Triton is Murder, why is the narrator of the song (presumed to be Triton) speaking to him?” well…i relistened to both Galaktikon albums while working on this, and i made note of every time Brendon used clean vocals and every time he used harsh vocals. he utilizes various different styles of both i need his vocal cords so goddamn bad, so my rule of thumb was basically, if he sounds more like Pickles or Ishnifus, it was clean, if he sounds more like Nathan or Magnus, it was harsh. you might have noticed some of the lyrics i cited were in bold—those were lyrics that were sung in a harsh vocal style. this verse i’ve isolated features both clean and harsh vocals. even as Triton is proclaiming his victory, the Beast is reminding him that he’s still here. but guess what?

the lines i’ve bolded aren’t just harsh vocals, they’re harsh backing vocals to the primary clean vocals. and during this whole verse, the harsh vocals are fading. the Beast is finally leaving. they won, but they couldn’t win until they had destroyed the primary version of the Beast, leaving behind just a small enough fragment of him that they could drown him out.

ADDRESSING THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM (Murmaider)

eternallyblight, who originally helped to inspire this analysis, first posited the following: Where do I think “The Ocean Galaktik” fits into my Murmaider theory?

and. wow. that original question REALLY got away from me, i’m so sorry that i promised you this answer WEEKS ago and just made you read over 6,700 words to finally get to it.

ultimately, my Murmaider theory burns down to this: Salacia, who was also a god who lived in the water, murdered the Whale Prophet’s child, so mermaids attempted to kill him in revenge. they failed, but they did leave him near death and at only a fraction of his power, splitting the Four Souls from him. the Whale Prophet, disguised as a shark to manipulate him, kept tabs on Salacia as he tried to gain his power back, and he went on a reign of terror until he started to get paranoid. he fled the ocean when he felt the Whale Prophet closing in, and he was warned that in order to gain his strength back, he has to align himself with the Four Souls, the Tribunal, and Dethklok. however, he doesn’t ally himself with Dethklok the way he does the Tribunal, and in trying to use their divine power for evil, it backfires, and when Dethklok use the Dethlights to force Salacia over the water, the Whale Prophet is able to finally take revenge. my Galaktikon analysis is very firmly in the idea that these are two separate stories, despite their parallels. but, if we do look at Galaktikon II as a rough draft of Army of the Doomstar (which mariaclarareincarnate informed me it essentially was)…then i’m fucking right in my theory. i’m fucking correct, let’s go.

as i mentioned when i covered “The Ocean Galaktik,” Triton calls this analog to the Whale Prophet a “Beast Queen,” inherently aligning her with eastblade…and then, in parallel, aligning the Whale Prophet with Salacia. despite their current differences now, these two godly figures are ultimately of the same origin. going even farther: “You are the beast daughters of the apocalypse.” [0:41:00, Army of the Doomstar]

Dethklok were divinely conceived by the Whale Prophet. all of them were, not just Nathan. Nathan, for whatever reason, was just the one who was closest with Her—maybe because he grew up closest to the ocean, in Florida. i would be inclined to say, “because he’s the frontman,” but all of them have the capacity to be a vocalist. Pickles could’ve very easily have been the vocalist if he wanted to (and i guess if they weren’t a death metal band, but…y’know). anyway, despite Nathan being Her favorite little babygirl, this doesn’t change the fact that all of Dethklok are Her babygirls. this isn’t just me being quirky guys—She called them the BEAST DAUGHTERS. i’m going fucking insane, why has no one else talked about this??? i’m sure someone has i just haven’t seen it, i am but one autism creature.

Skwisgaar wasn’t just being an egotistical diva when he said he was immaculately conceived and when he calls himself a guitar god: he’s right.

and isn’t that the perfect revenge? Salacia had killed the Whale Prophet’s child centuries, if not millennia, ago, and now her new children are going to fucking eviscerate him.

Final Thoughts

yeah, you’d have to be a fucking idiot to miss the parallels between Galaktikon and Metalocalypse. Galaktikon I is The Doomstar Requiem, Galaktikon II is Army of the Doomstar, blow me, whatever. but the thing that i ultimately find most interesting about this are the ways in which these stories are different. Galaktikon is a space epic, Metalocalypse is an aquatic horror. Galaktikon is about one man, Metalocalypse is about a family. Galaktikon is ultimately more of a traditional monomythic story than anything, and Metalocalypse, while also monomythic in essence, is far more interested in the interpersonal relationships between the band members than anything else—the mystic lore underlying the majority of the series and ultimately inciting Army of the Doomstar kind of doesn’t matter. because if we take away all the otherworldly elements of Metalocalypse, do you know what we’re still left with? we’re still left with five idiots who learned to openly love each other, we’re still left with Nathan telling Pickles that he needs him in his life, we’re still left with them all sacrificing their own safety to rescue Toki in The Doomstar Requiem, we’re still left with them calling each other brothers and their family. we strip the mysticism from Galaktikon, and we don’t have a story…at all.

neither of those are inherently good or inherently bad. they’re different. Galaktikon is just more open about being a fantasy/sci-fi epic, whereas 95% of the time Metalocalypse is “haha horror comedy about death metal” until they slap you in the face with intense found family love and codependency or the very complex lore.

if i have any conclusion to this analysis, it’s that Brendon Small is based as fuck for not forcing heterosexual romances into narratives that imply as such. thank god he’s consistent in giving women characters the agency to reject the men protagonists’ advances. Brendon Small, lesbian ally of my entire life.

thanks for reading. i have more mtl analyses planned in the future. if you liked this, i hope you share it, and if you didn’t like it, click here. and click there if you loved this, also.

#dichromaticdyke.exe #Brendon Small #Brendon Small's Galaktikon #Metalocalypse #Army of the Doomstar #written in a fit of divine madness #Nathan Explosion #Salacia #the Whale Prophet #Abigail Remeltindtdrinc #Toki Wartooth #Magnus Hammersmith #William Murderface #Pickles the Drummer #Skwisgaar Skwigelf #<- for more eyeballs. and they ARE also mentioned leave me alone #holy shit this took forever i am really really happy with it though

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sporkdoesclasspect · 3 months

Text

it's your old pal spork back from the void!! this blog is still dead probably. i just wanted to ramble lol

sooo i think about classpect a lot still because Special Interest and here's a summary of my general thoughts on it.

things a classpect can be:

a role you are Destined to play in the game

a role you are Destined to play In General

a role you are Forced to play

a role that is simultaneously determined For you and By you, due to the nature of paradox space, branching timelines, and the restrictions of a linear perception of time

a completely arbitrary title based on ultimately random factors

a Description of a narrative arc

an Assignment of a narrative arc

a description of your cool powers

the result of a literal/metaphorical/metaphysical personality quiz

a title a real life person gives themselves for funsies ;)

all of the above

none of the above

i feel like a lot of people either 1) generally agree with the popular fandom consensus and don't look beyond that or 2) overcompensate by trying to have The True And Correct Take. however, there is a crucial thing being overlooked with both of those viewpoints which is that you can do whatever you want! forever!! :3

i (mainly) use classpect-as-narrative-arc. this is neither Correct nor Incorrect! the same is true of literally any other theory, by nature of it being a Theory. that is ok! i think everyone should generally do what they find most fun/most interesting/most helpful for their story/creation.

i do also think that it's worth keeping an open mind and taking the time to consider different viewponts, but that doesn't mean your own has to change. it just means you should look out for new ideas so that you don't miss any that you think are cool! sometimes there's ideas that you could totally have fun with and incorporate into your system if you just considered it for a second, and realized that it is kind of an awesome concept.

but the most important thing will always be HAVING FUN, like in a general sense ^-^ for example, i use classpect-as-arc in most of my homestuck-adjacent stories, but i have some other ones where i go for classpect-as-forced-role instead because of the themes i want to explore there. and there are a couple of settings i've created where classpects are nothing but powersets, and are irrelevant to the plot outside of that. i think this kind of mixing and matching is a good approach that keeps you from getting locked into one way of thinking! plus it means you get to play around a lot more.

if your goal is only to analyze the canon text, you might not be so interested in the less canon-compliant takes. that's ok too! but until we get actual confirmation on Any of these theories (which might never happen -n-) it's going to be really up in the air, which i'm... honestly kind of glad for at this point? part of me isn't entirely convinced that hussie even had a single definitive answer in mind, which wouldn't be that surprising really, though one may have been decided on after the fact. or maybe there's some Super Secret Truth that existed all along and just hasn't been revealed to us!

either way, use the concept of classpects however you want, because no one can stop you!!!! >:3 you are the artist, it is you! write and draw what inspires you! and support other people who do the same!! maybe even COLLABORATE so you can make BIGGER COOLER THINGS >:D

#classpect #hiii every day i think about classpects #it is a curse i have to bear #i mostly use my usual system but then every once in a while i fuck around and change something about it #just because i can #you can still send me asks about classpect if you want. not analysis requests bc i don't do those anymore #but if you just wanna tell me about your cool ideas or chat about it hmu!!!

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wildissylupus · 7 months

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hi idk how much you analyze on hanzo but something thats been on my mind is the progression of his character through non-canonical events/interactions. I am aware there isn’t a lot of canon Hanzo content so take this thought with a grain of salt.

In Overwatch 1 hanzo’s personality was more stand-offish and maybe even rude. Now in Overwatch 2 he’s more approachable in a weird way? He’s still the same brooding guy but it’s almost like we see this “healed” version of his in overwatch 2. Not just from interactions but also from his character design aka the underbags being less prominent, him looking physically more healthy, the lack of bottle that has his sake (ofc this could just be them upgrading his look in the game).

While this is amazing and something I have always hoped to see from hanzo, part of me hopes that the developers/writers still remember hanzo from Overwatch 1. There hasn’t been a lot happening canonically with hanzo since the confrontation with Genji and if they were to skip from the last we saw of hanzo to the hanzo in overwatch 2 it feels like a lack of potential and even story telling?

Don’t get me wrong I love that hanzo is being given more personality and depth. It’s so refreshing that he gets to be something other than the ex-yakuza that murdered his brother lmao.

I guess I’m afraid that his development will feel rushed or like there’s gaps in it. I want to be able to see the rugged, tired bitter hanzo turn into the hanzo that literally contemplates the idea of settling down and adopting a dog, you know what I mean? I don’t just want it to be a thing that is skimmed over. I hope Overwatch touches on the more difficult situations in regards to mental health. And this isn’t just for hanzo, it’s for the whole roster.

I hope that each characters gets to grow and learn even if it’s unpleasant and “ugly” and that we actually get to SEE it in progression. Not just time skips and flashbacks or whatever.

Maybe it’s too early in canon mission events content to judge but it is something that has been in the back of my mind. I may be proven wrong later or be completely off but thoughts???

I do agree with this, though I don't think he should still be standoffish when he joins Overwatch, I do want there to be this awkward period where everyone adjusts to having him around. I also think that the reason for his character progression is going to be explored in his short story with Kiriko. It seems from the description that he's going to be getting some closure with his father, which would explain his change from OW1 to OW2.

However I think there is a different thing that could explain his change. Kiriko. I've explained this in passing but I think that both Genji and Hanzo are going to be given a second chance to be siblings, not to each other, but the people they have found on their own respective journeys.

Genji has stated that he sees Cassidy as a brother, which is interesting considering so far, other then Angela, since even OW1, he's shown the most concern about Cassidy's well being. Specifically his mental state. Unlike with Hanzo where is has been shown that Genji wasn't really knowledgeable of what Hanzo was going through with being the eldest son. Genji shows a lot more observation with Cassidy.

(Honestly I could write a whole essay about those two and how Genji is given a second chance to be there for who he views as an older brother BUT THIS POST AIN'T ABOUT HIM!)

I believe this is going to be the same with Kiriko and Hanzo but in reverse, while Genji gets the opportunity to look out for his older sibling, Hanzo actually gets to be an older sibling. He finally gets to relax and joke around, contemplate something other than Genji's death and how he can atone for that.

It would also be a nice parallel to Genji with instead of staying hang up on a previous relationship, he ends up creating a new one that is overall better for him.

It's also the matter of Kiriko and Hanzo's relationship is a lot more salvageable then Hanzo and Genji's. Listen, as much as I love those two, there is no way in hell they're going to get the normal sibling bond the fandom likes to give them. Even if that is the end goal for the writers, they would need to write a whole other novel for that kind of relationship between the two to not feel rushed.

Now I do want to point something out about his OW2 redesign because there's more then just the lack of Sake. It that fact that he's now covering his chest. This might not seem like a lot but in his first design he isn't protecting any part or any organ that is slightly to the right, in the middle, or the the left of his chest, meaning his left lung is exposed, his heart is exposed, his spine is exposed, basically a lot of stuff you would want shot at is exposed.

Combing this with and interaction with Genji from OW1, that is alluding to the fact that Hanzo "finds living challenging", then Hanzo covering his chest is a big step.

Anyway the fact that Hanzo is now on his way to being added to the list of characters who are practicing selfcare is so funny, cause out of all the characters to end up on that very short list at the beginning of Story Mode, I did not expect it to be Hanzo.

#overwatch #overwatch 2 #overwatch lore #overwatch headcanons #analysis #ow hanzo #hanzo #hanzo shimada

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kellyvela · 1 year

Text

GRRM ABOUT DRAGONS

A compilation.

🐲🐲🐲

A Dance With Dragons spends quite a lot of time in Essos, which is kind of the analog to Asia and the Middle East in the world the story takes place in, as opposed to Westeros, which seems to owe a lot to Western Europe. When I was reading about Dany, who has become a light-skinned, foreign ruler of an exotic land, it reminded me of The Man Who Would Be King, the Sean Connery and Michael Caine movie that is based on a Rudyard Kipling story. Do you think about these parallels — colonialism, the “white man’s burden” — when you’re writing?

I’ve said many times I don’t like thinly disguised allegory, but certain scenes do resonate over time. Other people have made the argument, which is more more contemporary, that it might have resonances with our current misadventures in Afghanistan and Iraq. I’m aware of the parallels, but I’m not trying to slap a coat of paint on the Iraq War and call it fantasy.

When civilizations clash in your books, instead of Guns, Germs, and Steel, maybe it’s more like Dragons, Magic, and Steel (and also Germs).

There is magic in my universe, but it’s pretty low magic compared to other fantasies.

Dragons are the nuclear deterrent, and only Dany has them, which in some ways makes her the most powerful person in the world. But is that sufficient? These are the kind of issues I’m trying to explore. The United States right now has the ability to destroy the world with our nuclear arsenal, but that doesn’t mean we can achieve specific geopolitical goals.

Power is more subtle than that. You can have the power to destroy, but it doesn’t give you the power to reform, or improve, or build.

—GRRM - Vulture - 2011

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balinares

I'd agree... except DRACO. Draco Draco Draco. Nicest dragon ever. If the Cocteau ever does a dragon event, I sure hope Dragonheart will be on the list, because intelligent, friendly dragons need more recognition. Doesn't hurt when they're voiced by Sean Connery, either. (...)

volk_nn

Draco is the most friendly and charming dragon of media culture, IMHO =)

grrm

Yes, but dragons are not meant to be friendly or charming.

—Coolest Dragons Ever" (Feb. 10th, 2014)

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“I mean battles and wars interest me too - and medieval feasts interest me. And you know I’m creating a whole world here and every facet of it. As I get to it I try to approach it as realistically as I can, but ultimately as I said before, it’s it’s the human heart in conflict with itself. It’s what makes Cersei Lannister the way she is, and is she capable of learning and changing? What drives Dany? With Dany I’m particularly looking at the… what effect great power has upon a person. She’s the mother of dragons, and she controls what is in effect the only three nuclear weapons in the entire world that I’ve created. What does it do to you when you control the only three nuclear weapons in the world and you can destroy entire cities or cultures if you choose to? Should you choose to, should you not choose to? These are the issues that fascinate me. I don’t necessarily claim to have answers to these. I think exploring the questions is far more interesting than just me giving an answer and saying to the reader, here’s the answer, here’s the truth. Now think about it for yourself, look at the dilemmas, look at the contradictions, look at the problems, and the unintended consequences. That’s what fascinates me.”

—“Interview exclusive de George R R Martin, l'auteur de Game Of Thrones” de -Le Mouv’- 2014 - [Transcription]

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How do you analyze this question of power? I think I was struck by the reading of the Lord of the Rings. I find that Tolkien is a little simplistic on the subject: at the end of the book, Aragorn becomes king, and we learn that he ruled in a wise and just way for a century, for he was a good man. But I read history books, I'm contemporary news, and I'm convinced that being a good man is not enough to make you a great leader. Because governing is a delicate exercise that makes you constantly make difficult decisions, solve problems where there is no good solution, that would solve everything by magic. Those are profound questions for the human race. And then there is the war, another subject that is close to my heart, I was a conscientious objector at the time of the Vietnam War, and this question still concerns me. I look at what is happening in the Middle East, with the Islamic State, and I can not help wondering: who are these monsters, these modern orcs? Who can be sympathetic to them? And yet, fighters say thousands to join them. More seriously, what motivates them? And how should we fight them? If I were Daenerys Targaryen. I could ride on my dragons and eliminate them in the flames. But is death the only solution we have to offer? How react to another who is so radically alien to us? These questions are very difficult - and I do not pretend to have the answers. Because there is no simple answer to these questions. —Lire Magazine - April 2015

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There is one remarkable phrase in this story. The plot is about the interstellar Grand Inquisitor from the Catholic Church, which has spread to many planets. And there is the Inquisition, which hunts heretics. And there is such a phrase: “This episode was illustrated by a magnificent picture. Judas in a dark cave, with burning eyes, waves a white-hot scourge, not letting a huge golden-green dragon approach him. He has a basket under his arm, the lid is slightly moved, the heads of three dragons that have just hatched from eggs stick out of it. You've been into dragons from the very beginning! GRRM: Dragons are cool! (burst of laughter) - What makes dragons cool? GRRM: I don't know... what makes dragons cool? When I was little, I had not only aliens, but also plastic dinosaurs. And dinosaurs are cool. (audience laughter) Dragons are fire-breathing dinosaurs with wings, which just adds to the level of coolness. (audience laughter) And what's interesting is that different cultures around the world have their own legends about dragons. Of course, Chinese dragons are fundamentally different from Western dragons, but nevertheless, there are similarities between them. And so I keep wondering: what if dragons evolved from dinosaurs? Perhaps our ancestors stumbled upon the bones of dinosaurs in the fields and thought that they must have been dragons. And they came up with all these legends. - Your colleague, G. K. Chesterton, said: "The stories about dragons are more than true: not only because they tell us that dragons exist, but also because they tell us that dragons can be defeated." This, too, is reminiscent of the synopsis of A Song of Ice and Fire. GRRM: Yeah, I'm not sure Dany would agree that dragons can be defeated. (laughter in the hall). We will find out. - I'm not even going to try to scratch out of you details about the plot of future books! But in your world, dragons are some kind of superweapon. Nuclear bombs of Westeros. GRRM: It is, yes. Nuclear weapon. This book that you are holding now is this big one, “The World of Ice and Fire” - this is the history of the entire world of Westeros, written by me together with Elio Garcia and Linda Antonsson - legends, and all about the Targaryen kings. There are excellent illustrations. Among other things, it talks about dragons in the days when the Targaryens had dragons. They held them for 150 years, and the great war, A Dance with Dragons, was a civil war where dragons fought against each other. There is a lot about the power of dragons and how hard it is to kill them. But on the other hand, many dragons died then, because they are still not invincible and not immortal. They are difficult to kill, but possible. And, of course, they can kill each other. So it's all there. Does this anticipate major events in the cycle... we'll have to wait and see. —George R.R. Martin in Hamburg: "Dragons are cool!" - 2015 - [OG Source in Russian] - [Secondary Source in Russian]

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[Unclear question]

GRRM: Oh boy, who would they be? Um, I can think of some analogs to Mr. Tr*mp, but you know, it would must be a villain character, but my villains are actually smarter than him. You know, just this comment he made last week or so about, oh, it would be good. “You know, we shouldn't have to worry about North Korea having atomic weapons. We should give atomic weapons to other people in the neighborhood and like, you know, Japan and South Korea, and then they can deal with it.” That's yeah. Clear proliferation. That's great. That would be equivalent for people in, you know, my world saying, you know, everybody should have dragons, why don’t every House in westeros had dragons, that would really help. So, uh, there we're.

—BALTICON 2016

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GRRM: “People read fantasy to see the colours again,” he says. “We live our lives and I think there’s something in us that yearns for something more, more intense experiences. There are men and women out there who live their lives seeking those intense experiences, who go to the bottom of the sea and climb the highest mountains or get shot into space. Only a few people are privileged to live those experiences but I think all of us want to, somewhere in our heart of hearts we don’t want to live the lives of quiet desperation Thoreau spoke about, and fantasy allows us to do those things. Fantasy takes us to amazing places and shows us wonders, and that fulfils a need in the human heart.”

The Guardian: And the dragons?

GRRM: “Oh sure, dragons are cool too,” he chuckles. “But maybe not on our doorstep”.

—The Guardian - November 2018

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Esquire: How will Fire & Blood deepen our understanding of Daenerys and her dragons?

GRRM: This is a book that Daenerys might actually benefit from reading, but she has no access to Archermaester Gyldayn’s crumbling manuscripts. So she’s operating on her own there. Maybe if she understood a few things more about dragons and her own history in Essos, things would have gone a little differently.

—Esquire - November 2018

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Sitting down with news.com.au in New York City, Martin dropped dark hints to the suffering awaiting the war-torn world of Westeros as the battle for the Iron Throne reaches its peak.

“I have tried to make it explicit in the novels that the dragons are destructive forces, and Dany (Daenerys Targaryen) has found that out as she tried to rule the city of Meereen and be queen there.

‘THE POWER TO DESTROY’

“She has the power to destroy, she can wipe out entire cities, and we certainly see that in ‘Fire and Blood,’ we see the dragons wiping out entire armies, wiping out towns and cities, destroying them, but that doesn’t necessarily enable you to rule — it just enables you to destroy.”

—GRRM - Fox News Channel - November 2018

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John Howe: Can I ask you why Dany is a princess and not a prince?

GRRM: I made this choice a long time ago, I think I wanted to play a little with the genres and reversed things a little, and of course in my head the expression "mother of dragons" is much better than "father of dragons". There is also this link with the woman who gives life, who transmits lives, carrying a gigantic power of death, of fire, of destruction. There are very powerful metaphors in there.

—Dragons! (2/4) Dragons d'Occident, la figure du mal [2018]

Video (13:10 - French audio and subtitles but you can hear GRRM talking in English in the back)

Reddit translation (Last quote)

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They [the dragons] represent power, of course, in the books. You know, I don't believe any more than JRRT did in fantasy novels as allegory, but there are certain things you can look at. The dragons can win wars for you, that's established in the histories, but they can't necessarily produce peace or prosperity or help you rule a nation, you know, Daenerys Targaryen is finding it out in Mereen, when she, you know, she defeats the cities of Slavers Bay with her three dragons, but then in trying to rule as Queen, she can destroy Meereen any time she wants by just unleashing the dragons, could kill a lot of people, you know, wipe out the most of the population of the city, reduced the entire city to a fiery inferno, but that doesn't help her to come up with good laws, or to establish peace between the original inhabitants, and the the freedmen, and people that she's brought in, so ruling is more than just the power to destroy and that's a lesson that she's definitely learning.

—Guerra dos Tronos. A entrevista de George R.R. Martin à RTP - 2019

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The Targaryens are also an ancient house but they're not an ancient Westerosi house. They knew that destruction was coming to Valyria and went far away from the capital city and the settled on the volcanic island of Dragonstone. They were dragon lords in Valyria. Now dragons are really formidable and they can turn the tide of a battle. It flies, it's difficult to hit, it breathes fire, against which most knights and men at arms have little or no protection. So if you have dragons, that's were the nuclear option analogy comes in. You're hard to mess around with. So the dragons and fear of dragons was one of the things that made the Targaryens very secure in their power.

—Before the Dance: An Illustrated History with George R.R. Martin | House of the Dragon (HBO) - August - 2022

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Would you rather have a dragon or a direwolf?

GRRM: Well, that's an interesting question too. The dragon has certain advantages, number one it is you can fly, and I would love to be able to fly. As a kid, you know, I read superhero comics, I didn't want to be Batman, swinging on a rope, but I wanted to be Superman and flying through the skies and all of that stuff. Flying is a primal dream, so yeah, flying on a dragon and being able to burn the hell out of my enemies, that's useful too. On the other hand, the direwolves are friendlier than the dragons. And you know, they're like big shaggy dogs and there was probably more of a close and affectionate bond between them. And I would like to have a direwolf right now at my house in Santa Fe, we moved into a new house a while ago, it's beautiful house, and it has a little kind of waterfall in the back and a well, it has a couple pools, beautiful pools, and I stocked those pools with Koi, because I thought that would be cool, and the raccoons ate all of my Koi, but if I had a direwolf, those raccoons would stayed hell away. (...)

Would you rather freeze to death beyond the Wall or burn alive in dragonfire?

GRRM: That's another tough one. Can I just live forever? I can't die the way Tyrion wanted to die, that's a pity. I can't say how he wanted to die, but it's in the books. Read the books. He's asked that question by Shagga son of Dolf. I think freezing. Fire is supposed to be a really, really painful way to die. I've always heard. (...)

Do you think it's possible to have a dragon and live a benevolent life? Like, would you inherently get pulled into using that power?

GRRM: Well, that's an interesting question too. And it's a question if I may verge away from medieval history and metaphor to the current reality we live in, you know, it's often been said that the dragons are the nuclear weapons of my imaginary world. They are the most devastating weapon, and they cause great destruction, massive loss of life; but they're not necessarily, you know, I mean, this is part of Dany's storyline and the original novels. I mean, Dany . . . Dany has three dragons, and she can destroy these cities, like Meereen where she finds herself queen, but it doesn't mean she can necessarily rule them easily without destroying them, so, when do you do that? And I grew up, I'm a baby boomer born in 1948, and growing up in the fifties there was always the specter of nuclear war. I mean I lived through the Cuban missile crisis, and Khrushchev and, you know, saber rattling and, you know, all of the books about the nuclear holocaust, about Armageddon and, you know, about what was gonna happen, we were worried about that. Actually there's nuclear weapons that have only been used twice in all of History, and they've been used on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Afterwards, there was a long period where only America had nuclear weapons; nobody else in the world had them, and there were people, believe it or not, like you're a science fiction fan, you know who Robert A. Heinlein was? [Yep] Heinlein, the dean of science fiction, fascinating guy, because his politics a lot of people think of him as conservative because of where he got in end of his life, but earlier when he was a young man, he was sort of a socialist, he ran there for office in California on Upton Sinclair's platform, and he actually advocated in letters that you can find, that at the end of World War II, when only America had the atomic bomb, he said America should give the atomic bomb to the newly formed United Nations, and it should be prohibited to all other countries, so we would have a world government and only the United Nations would be able to enforcing, and can you imagine if that had actually been done, what a very, very different world that we would live in. Maybe not one that we would like, but there's there. And thereafter, there was always these concerns about, well, we can win any of these wars, you know, why did . . . . I mean, MacArthur and some other people wanted to use the atomic bomb in Korea, in the Korean war, and, you know, when China invaded, well, why are we letting them do that? We could win the war. Of course, by then the Russians, I think, had it too. Or Barry Goldwater in 1964 election, why are we fighting this war in Vietnam? Let's just drop a nuke on Hanoi, or at least that was the charge. But we never did it, we always refrained, we were the dragon riders who would not use our dragons, although we would kind of use them to intimidate them, except now more and more countries have that. We've tried a nuclear non-proliferation, but, you know, Britain got them, Soviet Union got them, Britain got them, France got them, then it went to India and Pakistan and North Korea, for God's sakes, and Iran is trying to get them, and there's always the rumors that Israel has them. As more and more countries get this, I think the danger becomes greater and greater, someday someone is gonna use them, and right now the danger is very high! I mean, you can turn on the news every day: Is Putin losing the war in Ukraine? Is he gonna resort to nukes? And then the question becomes, what if he does? If Putin resorts to nukes, does America unleash its dragons? Or do we not? And let him get away from it. These are profound questions, we could debate this for hours with a panel of political scientists and things like that, and it's not an easy answer to.

—A Conversation with George R R Martin | A Celebration of the Targaryen Dynasty [October 24th, 2022]

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There are also dragons, who confer monumental power to those who dominate them. Did you incorporate them for the show, or to emphasize something broader? GRRM: I have never consciously inserted any contemporary political allegory into my works. However, some have compared dragons to nuclear weapons, and they may be holding something. I have tried to make the over-power of the dragons very explicit in the novels, they represent a destructive force, and Daenerys realized this when she ascended the throne of Meereen. Thanks to the dragons, she has the power to wipe a city off the map, to eradicate whole armies. That does not mean that this weapon allows you to reign afterwards. Here, there is a metaphor that, I believe, means the following: to reign and to destroy are two very different things. —Society Magazine Interview [https://www2.lekiosk.com/fr/publication/society/21423629█ 201812 Society Magazine.pdf]

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#grrm #asoiaf #dragons #sweet stark fanboy georgie is recreating winterfell in his new house huh?#that event from last year it was a targ celebration or something and he was fanboying over having a direwolf lol #he can't stop comparing asoiaf dragons with nuclear weapons . . . .#UPDATED

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