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tavyliasin · 12 days

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The Scent of Cinnamon 4 - The Morning, The Tailor, and The Fit of the Glove

Raphael wakes up to the consequences of the deal he made the night before, and realises Haarlep has no clothes to wear save for his own which are somehow a poor fit on his copied body. A trip to Waterdeep sparks more conflict as the two fiends begin to find their places with each other, pushing each others boundaries. Haarlep also has to reckon with the consequences of their end of the bargain, with shadows of their past biting at their heels. 5,139 Words - AO3 Link Click Here

--- Summary: The pair head out to Waterdeep to a tailor who can make something for Haarlep to wear other than Raphael's old clothes that feel like a poor fit on the incubus' borrowed body. Pairing: Raphael/Haarlep SPICE Rating: 0.5/5 Content Warnings: Mild Power Play, Mild Angst,

Spoilers Vague House of Hope and Act 3, but most of this series is focused on what came before. Canon Compliance The mention of a certain mad mage should match up roughly to the time he was actively in Waterdeep. But even the official lore is inconsistent on that one so we're running Rule of Cool. Also, the perfume is the exact canon scent according to 2 pieces of in game lore (Yurgir saying Raphael smells of cherry, and a letter of Raphael's that carries the scent of Palmarosa and Black Pepper in his perfume) Other Notes This is really to explore the dynamics between the two as they get to know each other outside the boudoir...don't worry, they'll be back there soon enough.

Song Pairing Everything You Hate by Project Vela "Looks like the time has come to pull the plug on the weak Your independence gone, control is not what it seems It's time to rise up and take it into the streets The life support is cut, the transformation complete

My actions don't seem so clean You're out there pulling the strings Anything any cage that couldn't hold Has escaped and it's out of your control Everything you ever hoped that you could be Only exists in a fake reality

You and I are one and the same One reflection bound by different names Recognised that you have become everything you hate Everything you hate"

--- FULL CHAPTER BELOW THE CUT --- ---

The Morning, The Tailor, and The Fit of the Glove

Raphael stirred in his sleep, suddenly aware of an unfamiliar weight resting on his leg. It felt like his tail was draped over something too, yet there was nothing beneath when he tested moving it. The awareness of his own body began to spread through his consciousness, piece by piece. There were ghosts where aches might have been, even if pain had healed his muscles still felt the echoes of whatever it was he had-

Whoever it was. And that who was snoring quietly on the pillow beside him, their tail draped over his leg, their hand resting lightly on his waist.

The previous day came rushing back as the last vestiges of a far more peaceful dream were banished from the cambion’s reeling mind. His eyes blinked open to see exactly what he was dreading: the imperfect mirror of his own face, a slight smile tugging at the corners of copied lips, but a different scent drifting on their warm breath.

Cinnamon.

Ah. That was it. The incubus and their deal, the contract signed in ink and in lust, his body the very page that they had inscribed their presence upon.

Raphael almost expected their eyelids to reveal the vivid emerald as they began to slowly open, but instead there was only the infernal fire burning around their pupils as they met his gaze.

“Mmm~ I could get used to this~” They purred, stretching their wings lazily behind them before pulling the sheets closer around them.

The cambion already felt his ire rising. He might have invited this…this…Harlot to his bed, but that did not give them the right to treat it like a luxury resort. He kicked his leg free of their tail and threw the covers off the pair of them as he forced his exhausted body out of the comfort and warmth of the night.

“Five more hours~” Haarlep pulled the sheets back over them, covering their face, but not before he caught the hint of a grin spreading across it.

“Petulant creature.” Raphael waved his hands in a swift motion, a few brief words tugging the threads of the Weave into ripping the covers from the incubus’ grip, tossing them out of reach on the floor.

“Spoilsport.” They groaned, brows furrowing and the fire in their eyes flashing dangerously as they scowled at him. “I am the one with the power in this room, by your own contract’s terms.”

“And do you wish to spend your days in here completely nude?” Raphael was already pulling on the fresh clothes that had been set aside for him. A modest outfit, but one that nonetheless showed his figure. “Or will you concede that you need at least one outfit you feel comfortable in? My clothes will fit you, but I suspect they are not to your taste.”

“Clothing is hardly a necessity for my line of work~ Do you not like what you see, Archduke?” It seemed the incubus had no intention of ceasing their insulting nickname, a completely transparent attempt to rile him up. “Made to your very own specifications, no less! Aren’t you curious what it might feel like to-”

“No.” He snapped, turning away as he continued to fuss over the fastenings of his shirt, frustrated by his fingers refusing to obey him. He wasn’t ready to accept that the incubus was flustering him, even the shadow of that thought entering his mind was more infuriating than the sound of their voice. His voice. Not his voice… They were like an echo, distorted by the landscape it ricocheted from. Within every word, he could still hear-

—

“Let me help you, then.” Haarlep had grown tired of trying to cling to the comforts of silk sheets for now. Their lips just brushed the pointed tip of Raphael’s ear as they wound their arms around his waist to fix the fastenings he was having such trouble with. “There. Not that difficult, was it?~” The cambion shivered at their touch, stepping quickly away from where their naked body had pressed against his back, but their tail wound around his wrist to turn him back to face them. “Could you not-”

“Wait.” They cut him off again, firm yet soft. His collar was crooked… The incubus carefully straightened the piece, pulling the ruffles into place and ensuring they were even. “The master of the house has appearances to keep up, does he not?”

“Quite so.” Raphael clawed back his dignity with the reply, reaching forward to fix Haarlep’s hair, even though they both well knew that not a strand was out of place. “You will have to wear something for now. Wait here.”

Haarlep watched as he strode confidently to an old armoire, searching through a variety of finery that was neatly pressed and stored within. It seemed most of the options were objectionable, until he pulled out a simple outfit in a near-black tone. It would have looked absurdly severe on the cambion himself, a poor match for the line of his jaw or the hint of apprehension in the expression above it. “It will do, for now.”

“Beggars, Harlot, make for poor choosers.” He held it out at arm’s length, clearly trying to avoid the ire in the incubus’ gaze.

“The day I beg you for anything, all of Avernus will be colder than Cania.” Haarlep snatched the outfit from the cambion’s claws, quick to remind him in every moment of his place in this room, loathe to leave the one space they retained control.

“Perhaps if you play your role well, you will have no need to do anything more than ask.” Raphael turned away, as if to give them privacy to put on their clothes. An absurd notion at this point, but nevertheless they began to dress as he continued. “We have our deal, there is no reason for us to be adversaries, you know.”

“Hmmm maybe so,” Haarlep wound their arms around his waist again, half dressed but their shirt still open, claws teasing at his hips as they held him close. “But it’s so much more fun to feel you squirm like this~”

“Degenerate.” Raphael’s tail swung around and whipped their thigh - hard enough to be felt, but not to hurt. He gasped. “Mmmm harder~” Haarlep moaned in his ear, relishing at the shiver they felt beneath their fingertips, drifting lower already. “You won’t even feel the pain, just the pleasure.”

—

The cambion shuddered. They were right, he felt a brief but clear rush of heat… “Absurd.” He lied.

“There’s the trick, Archduke,” Haarlep purred, the bitch dropping to an even more seductive tone. The imitation of his voice barely sounded familiar, the tone of their previous voice snaking through his senses far stronger while he couldn’t see them behind him. “It’s only arousing because your body likes it. The pleasure I feel is yours, in more ways than one. Don’t you want to try it out? Find the limits of your own debauchery-”

“We are going to be late if you don’t stop this nonsense.” Another lie, though this one was more believable than the last. The tailor would wait as long as necessary, he had enough of a hold on them that they would not consider turning him away even if he marched them out of bed to sew a ballgown in the middle of the night. “Fine~ Have it your way.” Their touch left him immediately, his body suddenly colder for the lack of their warmth pressing against him. It took conscious effort to stop his tail from reaching out to find them. “Then tell me, if we are to rush to this appointment of yours… Will this suffice?”

Raphael turned around to take a look at the incubus dressed in an outfit he had not considered wearing in decades. It was a little tight on them, and the shirt had been left half open to expose part of their chest in a way that had no right to be so tempting. Their tail was twitching impatiently, yet their wings spread behind them as they struck a swift pose and flashed him a grin. He turned away again, reluctant to look any longer in case their eyes alone drew him closer. Outside the room he would be in control again…at least on the surface. “Come.”

“Hah! I’m not that easy-”

“You know precisely what I meant.” He stepped beyond the door and into the hallway, subconsciously standing a little taller and straighter as he wore the power of his title like a monarch’s cloak. “Hurry up.”

—

Haarlep followed Raphael through the House until they arrived at a room with a shimmering portal, several short steps leading up to it.

“An easier method of transportation, no point in wasting energy on magic when permanent spells can be cast.” The cambion waved dismissively towards the huge arch and the warped reality within it.

“And where, precisely, does it lead?” Haarlep eyed it suspiciously, unwilling to play a game of ‘follow-the-leader’ without at least some idea of whether they would be treading the ice fields of Cania or the muddy streets of a Halfling village. “Waterdeep.” Raphael replied simply, stepping forwards and stopping just short to beckon them to hurry. “I did not take you for one so hesitant.” “And I did not take you for someone to rely on mortals for your tailoring.” They didn’t bother to keep the disdain from their voice, although they did step obediently forwards all the same.

“One more thing,” the cambion turned to face them, a swift casting of a spell rendering them completely invisible. “You are not permitted to speak until we arrive.”

Haarlep pursed their lips, hands forming some swift and unsavoury gestures to spell out their displeasure without any verbal component.

“I can see invisibility, Haarlep. Know your place.” Without further warning, Raphael transformed his body to his human guise - clothes shifting to fit the smaller frame - and walked through the portal.

—

The room was dusty and poorly kept, despite Raphael’s strict instructions - he made a note in the back of his mind to have stronger words with the diabolist maintaining his portal in what should have been the upper floors of a well kept mansion. Boxes were piled to the sides, half open and half labelled in scrawled handwriting.

“That looks like the writing of a madman.” Haarlep’s shimmering form stood beside him, peering at one of the boxes. “Not entirely inaccurate,” Raphael ceded the point, but not without irritation. “You were, however, told explicitly to be silent.”

“First, we have ‘arrived’, so you should be more specific if you mean another destination.” The whisper of their smirk was more audible through their tone than it was visible on their face as he felt a dull ache nagging at the back of his skull. “But that aside, this place is clearly uninhabited. There’s no risk of being discovered.”

“Must I train you in both manners and obedience?” He turned to face the warped space that concealed Haarlep’s insolent form from most onlookers.

“Hardly necessary. Besides,” they stepped close, strong hands taking a grip of his jaw and moving his mouth with their words. “If you move those lips just right it will seem as if you’re the one talking, given how you have burdened me with your own voice.”

Raphael swatted their hands away, fixing his hair and collar quickly as he tried to keep his emotions in check. “If I must remind you to behave once more, you will live in that outfit for your first decade. Or perhaps you would rather never leave that room, if you are so hellbent on retaining your control? I do not have to cross the threshold, nor do I have to send anyone in to sate your needs unless I choose to.”

—

Haarlep bristled. They knew that he had power and control, that both of their deals now bound them to him with all the fine print that came with it, but they had not considered that the young and overconfident fiend would…would…

—

Raphael faltered. He could feel the tension, the change in their demeanour in an instant. They still stood behind him wearing his body, but it now seemed like a poorer fit on them than the clothing that groaned at the seams. Even their stature seemed to shrink back in that moment, the unseen shadow of their presence retreating.

An unusual sense scratched the back of his mind. Guilt? Unthinkable. And yet…

“I am no tyrant, incubus. Stick to your word and I shall be true to mine. But no more words for now, not until I dispel the invisibility shrouding your form.” He began to lead the way, loathe to waste any more time. Halaster could be reprimanded later for leaving the portal in such a state.

—

It took half an hour before they reached their destination. The sun was far too bright, the incubus cursing that invisible wings could do nothing to stop the wretched beams from searing their eyes. Haarlep kept quiet for the remainder of the journey, following carefully in step behind Raphael, wings and tail tucked in so they would not catch a passer-by unawares.

For his part, the cambion acted much as a human noble might. He strolled down the streets as if he owned them and all who walked through them. Every now and then, he stopped to greet someone, to slip a note into a hand, or to show his disdain or appreciation for the quality of goods on market stalls.

But for their own part, Haarlep was an invisible shadow. They stalked behind him with heavy steps as if their own feet fit as poorly as the boots upon them. Every now and then, they stopped with him to adjust their shirt, to rub at their head from the weight of the horns above, or to swallow back the worry that he might decide to leave them locked up to starve after all.

The bell of the shop rang with a disgustingly joyful tinkling, crinkling their nose into a grimace. Luckily, they were able to fix their expression into something more neutral as Raphael removed the invisibility spell that kept them hidden.

“So,” the tiefling shopkeeper peered over her glasses, “this is what all the fuss is about?”

“Uphold your bargain and you will find your competitor out of business by the end of the tenday.” Raphael replied, before gesturing towards the incubus. “They require proper clothing. Should you supply something that meets their needs, you will have my repeat business.”

“Surely someone in one of the hells would be a more appropriate choice to dress a devil such as yourself.” She shrugged, stepping around the counter nonetheless. Her outfit, Haarlep noted, was plain but well fitted. A measuring tape was draped around her shoulders, and numerous pins were strategically held in the apron of her dress along with a couple of pouches holding scissors and threads.

“They are not me. Which is information that will not be leaving this room, unless you particularly relish the idea of centuries in the hells as a pathetic lemure.” His voice left no room for argument, a confidence that seemed a strong contrast to the whimpering and begging mess he had been at the end of the previous night. Haarlep watched closely. They had a role as a spy to uphold, after all.

“They look exactly like you.” The tailor walked around Haarlep now, assessing them in a way that felt far too much like their first meeting with Raphael the day before. Their tail flicked behind them, still unused to the smooth tip in place of the arrowhead shape of their own body. Their body…which now seemed more like an outfit that had been zipped up into a neat little bag and stored away in a locked closet out of their reach. But he had the key. That’s all that mattered.

“You need new glasses, they look nothing like me.” Raphael’s absurd response snapped Haarlep back out of their thoughts. He transformed swiftly into his fiendish appearance, and gestured to the incubus as the tiefling looked back and forth between the two. “See? The ruse would only fool someone who lacks insight.”

The tiefling seemed to agree to appease him as she began to take notes on the fittings in a small book from her pocket. Haarlep, on the other hand, was stuck on his words. They were a near perfect copy, they knew that. The deal they made was important, and they had made sure to memorise his body as carefully as he had theirs…though perhaps… His eyes met theirs for a moment, a light hint of a blush behind already crimson cambion cheeks.

—

“You should undress.” The tailor stepped back and gestured to a partitioned area of the store, as Raphael pulled his gaze from the incubus’ blazing eyes.

He was perplexed. How did she not see the obvious differences? This wasn’t a mirror before him - not quite. He swore he could see the green in the depths of their eyes, the curve of their jaw and shape of their ears a little sharper of an angle than his own. The way they moved was certainly no copy, either… That would need some work later, he decided. The sway of their hips was decidedly too seductive-

“You didn’t tell me what you want me to make for them.” The tiefling was eyeing him over the rim of her glasses. “There was all the rush to be available immediately, but as you are unsatisfied with them wearing your own clothes I assume it is to be something different. Something bespoke.”

“What do you think?” Raphael looked down at her, for a moment forgetting to choose his words more carefully to keep the power balance strongly in his favour.

“Clothes have a purpose, Raphael. They must not only fit the wearer, but be appropriate for the role they must fill. One who is your copy, yet is not supposed to fill your usual role? I need more information than that.” She tapped her pen on her notebook, not bothering to turn around as Haarlep stepped out from behind the screen in only the loose silken underwear he’d given them. Even those seemed like a terrible match…

“Start from the undergarments. My outer clothes will suffice for any other needs for a time.” He gestured over to the incubus standing proudly, and almost entirely naked, in the middle of the shop.

—

“Arms out.” The tiefling was clearly unperturbed by Haarlep’s almost naked form as they followed her instruction, mildly amused at the little stepladder she had to use to reach their shoulder. Raphael had taken a seat over to one side, watching closely but mostly leaving the woman to her work.

“If he told you to work from undergarments, why do you need the measure of my arms?” They couldn’t help but feel perplexed by her choice.

“It would be a shame to cover you up, what with all these muscles,” she cast a tentative glance at Raphael for a moment though he seemed not to care in the slightest, “but clothing doesn’t just cover. The right garments can enhance what you have instead.”

Haarlep laughed, the first genuine moment of amusement all day breaking the tension that had been eating at the back of their mind. “I assure you, I do not need any of my anatomy to be enhanced.” They licked their lips seductively and glanced down. “I can prove it, if you like~”

“Not here, Harlot.” Raphael snapped, earning their impudent tongue-out expression as a response. “Just…work with her. Find something you would be comfortable in.”

Their expression changed just as quickly again, switching to one of quiet contemplation. Comfort? He hadn’t been concerned with their comfort before now. Even in his sleep, it had been a fight to keep enough of the sheets to cover themselves. The contract had been business, the deal itself pleasure, and all they shared since was…confusing was about the only way they could describe it.

“What would you like? Are there any materials or styles you prefer? Or is there a particular look you wish to emulate?” The tiefling had largely ignored their quips and offer, measuring their chest and waist easily, now wrapping the tape around their hips.

“Leather has its appeal…” Haarlep considered the options, the purpose they would have in Raphael’s deals. “Something close fitting - cover as little as you can - and it must project power.” Their eyes flashed across to their Master, as he would call his role, who remained nonplussed…aside from the momentary flick of his tail betraying a hint of the thoughts behind his calm expression.

“Is that agreeable?” The tailor turned to Raphael herself now, looking for his approval as the one purchasing the garments.

“Whatever they want. I will reserve my judgement for when I see the look complete.” Even his voice was measured and calm. “Do you have everything you need?”

“Yes, yes. That will do.” She finished measuring their inner leg with a quick and practised motion, avoiding any intimate contact much to Haarlep’s disappointment. They were wondering if the cambion might squirm in his seat if they let themselves get a little excited by the simple touch-

“Go and get dressed again. There is more to do.” Raphael distracted them from their amused thoughts. It was hard not to roll their eyes at his tone, but they held their reaction in check for now.

Until they could be certain, until they had proof of what he was really going to be like… They didn’t want to test their luck. Though they were sated now - the deal had been more than an adequate feast - their body still remembered hunger. Their nerves recalled too easily how they could ache if left untouched, unfed. Their heart was far too familiar with the hurt of trying to get by with nothing but their name and a bare shred of hope that they were still pretty enough to secure a meal...

And now they didn’t even have that name, nor the body they cared for so carefully to ensure they wouldn’t starve.

The clothes they pulled on behind the screen once more felt as ill-fitting as their skin, laced with those same clashing scents that Raphael wore to cover the hint of the infernal that lingered around any who travelled in and out of the hells.

At least that was something they might be able to change.

—

Raphael paid the tailor an advance for the materials, tracking in his mind exactly which pawns he would need to move to ensure the rest of that deal was upheld. Behind him, the incubus seemed just as uncomfortable as they had been in front of the portal, when he had snapped at them.

He sighed and rubbed at the wrinkle forming at the bridge of his nose. He would need to be more careful with how he treated the spy. It didn’t matter much what Mephisto found out from them, but if he were to be so foolish as to allow himself to spend the night naked and vulnerable with them again… A shudder crept uninvited down his spine as he cast the invisibility upon them once more. That was dangerous. Foolish. If he were to die here in the streets of Faerun it would be little more than a painful inconvenience. He would simply reappear in Avernus.

But if he were to be slain in the hells?

He pushed the thought from his mind, resolving himself to be more careful. Haarlep must know their place, but should not be backed into a corner. They were strong, cunning, and they were likely to learn more of his own weaknesses by living in his body.

“Before we go,” they almost startled him, unseen hand on his shoulder and voice quiet near his ear, “I should like to stop at a perfumery.”

“And why would that be?” Raphael hissed back, pausing with his hand on the door.

“Your fragrance… It isn’t quite right. There are too many scents in there battling for dominance. You should have something complex, but not overwhelming.” Haarlep didn’t sound insulting, despite the implications of their words.

It took barely a moment to cast Sending, projecting his voice to their mind and allowing the reply to come back to him silently from their thoughts. Perhaps conversing might be acceptable like this, especially on his own terms as he would have to initiate each part.

—

It took a while to find a place that Haarlep approved of. Raphael even seemed willing to indulge them in a little more casual conversation as they walked, the sendings passing back and forth. In truth, the first shop might have been truly atrocious but the second was more than acceptable. Yet here they were, at the door to the fifth.

“Please tell me this one is good enough for you. I have contracts to write and precious little time to waste on further frivolous ventures.” Somehow Raphael always seemed to use up every one of the 25 words the spell allowed, his voice echoing in their head.

For a moment, Haarlep wondered if their reply would sound like they did now, the echo of Raphael’s own deep tones filtering into his mind like his own thoughts betraying him, or perhaps… “It seems like it will suffice. As long as nobody tries to spray you as soon as you walk through the door. Again.”

They slipped through the door behind him as he entered the shop, careful not to allow the door to remain open for a suspicious amount of time. They kept their steps light and took a good look around the place. It might not have been as substantial as the third establishment, but they were fast running out of options.

“As you are so insistent that I require something different, I suggest you tell me what the ingredients might be, Harlot. Make it quick, though.”

“Pick up the bottles I point at and hold them so I can sniff them.” Haarlep replied quickly, already pointing to a few.

“Can I help you?” The elderly shopkeeper was watching Raphael closely, and seemed anxious in his silence.

“If I bring you several of your scents, can you make something based on those?” Raphael gestured to the shelves as he asked, earning a smile from the man behind the desk as he continued. “I will, of course, pay you handsomely should your perfume meet my exacting standards.” The flicker of his eyes towards the incubus was for them alone this time, but the perfumier seemed to already be counting his profits.

“Yes, yes! Go ahead, I have many years of experience, I’m sure I can mix just the thing for you!”

Without the sending to reply to, Haarlep could only gesture invisibly as needed. Several bottles were pulled from shelves and opened with dramatically wide gestures to waft the scent closer to where they stood.

It was difficult to decide, but there had to be a balance. The cherries suited him, and something strong would have to disguise the hints of the hells that carried on his clothes and skin after travelling between planes. Something spicy too, and the blend needed an allure that could draw in a wide range of potential clients.

And, naturally, it mustn’t clash with cinnamon.

All of this was relayed to the perfumier who made notes with impressive speed for a man of his years, selecting and rejecting several of the bottles himself. Eventually he seemed ready to mix a selection of oils into a glass flask, balancing it out with the base and blending the scents carefully.

“Palmarosa, black pepper, cherry…”

“The contents matter less than the result. May I?” Raphael took the bottle that was handed over, waving it dramatically through the air once more. “Ahh, interesting.” He looked over to Haarlep, finally allowing a Sending. It was not lost on them how he controlled even their private communication for now… “Well? I have no objections to this one. Quite to the contrary, it seems very fitting. I may concede that you both have adequate taste.”

“Finally,” they began, unable to hide their frustration at being left to mime for so long. “It’s close, but it needs one more thing. Not much, but it needs some cinnamon. If I am to play your role, that is…”

“Agreed. There must be as few loose ends as possible. Our scents should match as closely as our appearance, voice…” This time he didn’t use the limit of the spell’s words. He seemed momentarily torn and distracted before he stopped pretending to sniff the bottle and handed it back to the man waiting expectantly at the counter. “A little cinnamon, and that will suffice.”

“Of course!” The perfumier seemed delighted by the suggestion. “Warmth and spice, to balance out the bitter and cold edge, an unusual blend but it should work quite nicely, quite nicely indeed!”

—

Several very long minutes later, the pair were back out on the street with a small bag in hand and an order left with the Perfumier to prepare a much larger batch along with some infused soaps and candles.

The journey back to the portal was somewhat swifter and than before, but at least the time of day meant the sun was now more of a pleasant warmth than a blinding presence above. Raphael kept a swift pace, though with his human guise his stride was somewhat shorter than the incubus’ who had a far more relaxed stroll behind him.

The mansion holding the portal was just as empty as it had been before, and Raphael made a mental note to contact Blackcloak soon. The mage might have been driven mad in the past, but he was still powerful, useful, if he remembered to hold up his end of certain contracts. The cambion shuddered… Halaster had once come far too close to binding him into service. That would not stand. Neither would he allow-

Haarlep tapped his shoulder. A quick gesture and mime a reminder that they were following his instruction not to speak out loud.

Raphael dismissed the invisibility and turned to face the incubus. They were quiet a moment longer, expression unreadable as they awaited his instruction. “The day appears to have passed us by far faster than intended.” He broke the silence first, the insignificant statement preferable to the uncomfortable stagnation of the air hanging heavily around them as if still carrying the echoes of earlier words spoken in haste. “Well, time does fly, so they say.” Haarlep shrugged, a hint of mischief tugging at their lips once more. “I always favoured the night, anyway.”

--- --- ENDING NOTES --- --- A little more angst and plot for our dear incubus, but the night is theirs and that's where the next chapter will lead.

Keep Reading the Next Chapter Here!

#baldurs gate 3 #bg3 fanfiction #haarlep #bg3 raphael #the scent of cinnamon #fanfic #bg3 #prequel #bg3 prequel #Spotify

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brujitaadinbo · 1 month

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I come with every intention of writing and spoilers: this requires a lot of text but, sorry… it's an interesting read.

I've seen a lot of people complain about SW and their way of doing things; I've seen people complain about The Mandalorian and say; At what point did it become children's content?

Well, as I tell you, since season 1 this content has always turned out to be family content.

Now the people who say this; It is because it is alienated that SW does not vary; when practically the SW material is pure fantasy and there is material for everyone, of all colors and flavors. The Mandalorian cannot be pigeonholed solely into violence; friend, then you have not understood anything about this universe.

See Star Wars and everything Geroge, Filoni and Jon have been working on with a whole creative team, etc, etc. is to enter that world to which they took you "the never ending story", "the labyrinth", "Dragon Heart", "Merlin" and I can continue… magical worlds, where hope resides everywhere, where love It is an important point because despite not being able to see it, it becomes part of this environment and expresses itself in mysterious ways (yes, like strength). That is why pigeonholing SW solely in violence is taking away a vital part of its narrative, it is as if the conflicts in its different aspects were not shown; or wanting to remove something very substantial that although species from other worlds are shown; They have something that unites them with everything. "The feelings, the emotions, the humanity that exists in these aspects"

Friend, believe me, when you only get stuck in violence and don't want to look at something else; The problem is you and maybe SW is not the content you need. And hey; I'm not saying that you have to accept everything, but definitely criticizing just to criticize, hating just to hate is ridiculous and pathetic. Taking SW or the Mandalorian as entertainment after a difficult day is not bad at all. But now you want to take this as a personal vent, project yourself, harass and be an infernal hater, sorry but that's disgusting.

And believe me; That violence that you ask for so much is desensitizing you, it makes you someone who loses the notion of how you can harm others and there are people like me; who lives in violent countries, where your life is at stake every 5 minutes, that the only thing we want is to stop experiencing this violence and live fantasy and hope. So stop messing around, okay.

At the end of the day your requests are like: "You want a good development for Din Djarin, but you don't want him to associate with anyone, you want to pigeonhole him into a life in the countryside with a secondary character, You want him to continue in a dangerous profession that "no It leaves nothing good for him or his green boy, you complain about everything and it doesn't seem like anything to you.” Please; It's very obvious that you didn't watch the series and don't understand Din's development. stop fucking around.

A few days ago I was watching episode 3 and I'm going to say this; Anakin is a great character, he is a villain through and through, but all this grew like a snowball. They lost Anakin and he was already lost, Palpatine knew how to play his pieces. In the entire world of SW it is difficult to pigeonhole the characters because; The decisions are the ones that weigh the most. All SW characters have an Anakin within them, they all carry a complex and a mourning of their being; a good being or a bad being. Doing what is right or wrong is a struggle of ethics and morals.

Anakin was an enslaved child and grew up with this complex, remaining a slave due to his attachments until his death. Their actions do not have to be justified, but they do need to be understood and exposed. At the end of the day in this universe Who has not stained their hands with mud or blood to fight for something? Who hasn't had to ignore innocent people to preserve an idea or a fight? Who hasn't had to give in to the bad orders of others to save their people?

When I see people judging Bo Katan, for example; for being a terrorist in her past or for her wrong actions and them using this as a reason for Din not to be around her; I say to you.. How low and dirty do they have to be to use a person's past, in this case a character, and judge them and not allow them to redeem themselves?

Si Din let Bo Katan redeem himself this season 3 Who do you think you are to not allow it?

It hurts me a lot to see Anakin get lost and to see that here they showed us what love is. but they also show us "it's the right person at the wrong time"

Padme could fight hard but her own worries and Anakin's attitudes were driving them apart.

When Anakin is tempted to turn to the dark side to gain power and knowledge, he gives in to his attachment to Padme, his fear, and gives in to the temptation. And for example in the mandalorian from season 1 We can see how temptation tried to envelop Din Djarin so that he would leave the creed.

Many people believe that this scene with Omera was "romantic" which it was not so; This series was representative of that TEMPTATION that Din could have fallen into. It's a symbolic scene of how Din was able to abandon the creed, stop being a Mandalorian, settle down and live in a remote place. EVEN when he mentions to Omera that his main goal was to honor Mandalorian culture, which saved him from the droids. SHE tries to take off his helmet if he allows it, invasively, as a temptation. THE CLEAR THING was that he NEVER fell into temptation.

Din clearly tells him "I don't belong here."

Because many say “I wanted a quiet life with her.” I say; Since he did not agree to stay and preferred the creed and remain Mandalorian, develop his character, surround himself with other people, adopt Grogu and recover his planet together with Bo Katan, I tell you HE preferred a Mandalorian life and his lifestyle and culture may be anything but "a quiet lifestyle."

Now when they say "Bo katan is a liar, a villain" it's because they didn't understand any point I mentioned. All SW characters have had to make difficult decisions, Bo Katan has been more oriented towards being an Anti-hero. And I don't justify her but it is understood and her points of view are expressed, about why she acted that way.

Since season 2 he could have killed or betrayed Din and taken his saber, in season 3 he had all the time and opportunities to do so. AND IT NEVER HAPPENS…

And it is more than clear that she had a very peculiar interest in him, that she protected him in some way.

Always saving him, even in chapter Plazir 15, she saves him from the separatist droids just when he shows rejection towards politicians. A clear nod to the fact that she does not fall for opulence or power, she simply wants to right her wrongs and bring glory to Mandalore, so that her people have their home.

Saying that Bo Katan "didn't redeem himself because he didn't do anything" Sorry, but living with a tormented conscience, with memory and constant regret. This season 3 Brendan Wayne himself says it in a podcast where he is a guest: "Din wanted to get Bo Katan out of that depression of that cloudy cloud of thoughts and knock her out with his own feelings, it was like he was talking to my wife"

I uploaded that interview and you can find it on my wall, I don't lie like SCREENRANT, they love to lie.

I don't want to go into more detail but I'm going to close this post with this.

Let's assume Din and Bo don't want anything romantic, okay. then at least allow them to be comrades in arms; It doesn't take anything away from them, on the contrary it gives them both a lot. Both Din with his own qualities can support Bo and vice versa. So why separate them if in the end, they are just friends?

And if it turns out that there are feelings and love between the two IT ALSO doesn't take anything away from them and yes, it contributes to them.

Star Wars is a galactic opera and I repeat; Taking away love just because you are a bitter person is taking away one of its main foundations.

The Mandalorians would be another very peculiar, interesting and unique perspective on love, if they let this union flow. Because it wouldn't be the typical cliché

We would see Din and Bo fighting together, sharing moments, weapons, tactics, in the middle of a battle, a show of affection, a hug, something very human, holding hands, fighting together, sharing plans, exchanging ideas and even A Keldabe kiss..

I and many see potential, at least in this shipment there is a lot of material to refute this couple; and I'm completely in the group that wants to keep them together.

This is the way.

#the mandalorian #star wars #lucasfilm #dinbo #bo katan kryze #din djarin #bo katan x din #bokadin #this is the way #din x bo #clandetres #enemies to lovers #loveislove #clan of three #family

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hayleysayshay · 1 year

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Okay DnD movie thoughts!!! I loved it a lot and it’s a shame it’s not going to make its money back it seems, I would love a sequel with the same cast of characters.

This contains spoilers!!!

— I thought three cast were great! I think Michelle Rodriguez was a standout as Holga and so was Rege Jean Page as Xenx despite the more limited screen time. But the whole cast was great, Chris Pine has a lot of charm. I think Justice Smith’s accent was very good.

— Hugh Grant was very Hugh Grant and it was great

— the film was very sincere and I loved that. It was funny but very corny ina good way.

— it was pretty funny at times! Some of it was just the snarky ‘well that happened hur hut’ humour that isn’t great but there were some good set pieces.

— I loved how DnD it felt. I could just imagine a player going ‘my character loves potatoes’ as their character quirk they role play all the time and those moments really worked for me. I can just imagine people coming up with the plan around a table.

— I liked the plot construction. For example Xenx makes Edgin promise to give the treasure to the people and he does in a way that serves his character arc but also serves the plot and helps them defeat the bad guy! I just thought was really neat how the plot unfolded the way it did.

— I thought Doric was the weakest character. Like she didn’t have much to do? They obvs realised she didn’t have much conflict and gave her some tiefling angst but it wasn’t angsty enough. Maybe she could have felt out of place with the elves though they loved her and the team stand up for her and they feel like a group of people that accept her would have been a bit more than what she got? She just hates humans then goes they’re okay at the end just because she worked in a team. I just wanted a window in her personal world.

— I also think Doric should have been infernal red. I understand not wanting any odd races in the main cast due the risk of not being able to take it seriously but they could have painted Sophie Lillie red. I have seen Critical Role cos play, it could have been done fairly naturalistic. It would make the team look less samey. They also don’t explain what a tiefling is? Sophie Lillie looks adorable it’s really not clear why her parents would have cast her out unless you know DnD lore. Her being red would make it more obvious.

— I like it’s implied that Helga’s husband is just really into tall buff women and that Helga is really into halflings

— Damn it I got emotional at the end when Holga died and they do a flashback of her raising Kira I was like damn you got me movie you got me

It’s deffo like 4/5 for me I had a lot of fun. If Doric was better it could be a 5 but sadly not.

#dnd movie #dungeons and dragons honor among thieves #dungeons and dragons: honour among thieves #dnd movie spoilers #dungeons and dragons movie spoilers

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journey-to-the-attic · 1 year

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so a few spoilers for pmmm rebellion,

in the final battle,, madokami summons the past witches of the series into the incubation field to help free homura.

so now i'm just imagining Ik'ami summoning a whole entire witch labyrinth into the underground tomb because no way in hell are you gonna touch luke you big meanie >:(

so now lucifer is trying to bat off a bunch of witch familiars while also trying to escape the labyrinth while the others stare in bewilderment because where tf did this elliptic cnady field come from???

OR EVEN THE SONNO CONFRONTATION SCENE

okay now im wondering how that scene would turn out.

something else will have lead to sonno reappearing, since i assume ik'ami can't exactly be killed... i don't know enough madoka lore to know how that'd go, so let's skip over that for now!

sonno vs ik'ami has a lot of potential... given sonno's ability to drag minds into his dreamscape versus ik's ability to manifiest witch labyrinths, maybe their opposing infernal and divine magic collides and mixes, turning the castle into an amalgamation of labyrinth and dreamscape that's half-in and half-out of this plane of existence

since neither sonno nor ik'ami have full control over this half-dimension, everything's very messy and no one knows what's going on... lots of potential for cool conflict!!

#answering asks #sunlightocean #puella magi ik #essentially everyone gets stuck in a constantly-shifting dimension #where they're haunted by both their worst memories and deepest fears #at the same time being attacked by the witch whose labyrinth ik summoned #but also with brief reprieves where they see beautiful dreams... since sonno's dreamscape can still do that #the potency is upped what with ik'ami's whole god thing

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fairy-writes · 2 years

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ooh~ 600 followers, congratulations!! now, for the event... it is okay if i just use my match-ups for information? (if not, i'll send another ask with the correct information!) if you could please do it with those characters? 👀

oh, and you asked if the requester could say if they were OK with kids; i don't mind them as long as they are well-behaved, lol. not sure i would actively try for a kid but i would not resent life with one either ;;

Hello lovely! I hope you like your request! However, Nanami’s request does contain manga spoilers for the Shibuya Arc, so be warned!

Nanami Kento Request:

Compatibility: 92%!!

How Did You Meet?: You were a client when Nanami was still a salaryman. After you were no longer a client (and therefore no longer had a conflict of interest), you managed to slip Nanami your number, and the two of you hit it off :)

How the Relationship Will Work From Day to Day: Nanami is usually up first and heading to work as a Jujutsu Sorcerer. He’s usually called on missions that have him travel, so sometimes he’s not home for days or even weeks at a time when he’s clearing out an infestation. But he always comes home to you with flowers and a souvenir from his time abroad.

Marriage?: Yes! You both get married relatively quickly and are happily married despite Gojo showing up uninvited, lmao!

Kids?: You two would end up having a beautiful girl who is incredibly well behaved! She takes after Nanami’s calm temperament and your quietness!

What Does the Future Hold?: The two of you would have just barely gotten married and had your little girl before he went back to being a Jujutsu Sorcerer. Then the Shibuya Arc hits, and Nanami is killed by Mahito just after your little girl turns one :(

Dazai Osamu Request:

Compatibility: 75%

How Did You Meet?: You were held as a hostage by some bad guys, and the ADA was employed to help solve the case. You were quickly saved by Dazai, who got you to safety as the bad guys were apprehended. You become a member of the ADA and work as a secretary!

How the Relationship Will Work From Day to Day: You usually meet Dazai at work, where you have a few minutes to talk to each other before work starts for the day. Dazai usually bugs you throughout the day for affection and attention, but he just loves you :)

Marriage?: Signs point to no just because Dazai doesn’t really commit to anyone like that.

Kids?: Most likely not. I personally wouldn’t trust Dazai with children, lol.

What Does the Future Hold?: Dazai’s dark past is a common topic of arguments between you two, but overall you are really close. However, if you aren’t careful, your arguments will drive a rift between you two, and you’ll end up breaking up. BUT! Dazai loves you enough that he’s willing to look past the arguments and stays with you. It’s not often someone understands him as much as you do and still loves him afterward.

Shinmon Benimaru Request:

Compatibility: 90%!

How Did You Meet?: You are a new recruit to the Fire Force Company 8! You meet Benimaru after accompanying Obi to a meeting with all the Fire Force captains.

How the Relationship Will Work From Day to Day: You two usually meet up after a long day of fighting Infernals, seeing as you are both from different Companies. Benimaru usually takes you out for dinner after your long day so you two can unwind and talk about what happened that day :)

Marriage?: Yes! You two get married after a couple of years in a relationship. Konro is the best man :)

Kids?: The two of you have your hands full enough with handling Hinata and Hikage that you two don’t have any children.

What Does the Future Hold?: You two stay happily married well into your golden years and long after Benimaru retires as the captain of Fire Force Company 7.

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mxxnlight-99 · 3 years

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Warnings: +18, possessive attitude, clichés, MANGA SPOILERS! english is not my first language so there will probably be mistakes. i'm very bad at writing.

Being Mikey's girlfriend isn't easy you always knew it wouldn't be easy considering who he was...

You had been friends with him from the beginning, you had met him through Emma when you were kids and had gotten along well. When she died you were there for each other, you went through and overcame the pain together.

This situation had brought them closer together and you two had fallen in love. Falling in love as a result of that situation had made them feel infinitely guilty. they hated it, but they couldn't control their feelings. Although they took care to ignore them for a long time.

After two years Draken, fed up with the situation, had forced them to confess. Yes, they had gotten close because of a horrible situation but it didn't make it a bad thing plus he was sure Emma would love them to be together.

They had been dating for a year and a half and had overcome quite a few obstacles (mostly related to Mikey's activities) but they always managed to get through it by talking.

Although in all this time what they hadn't been able to overcome was Mikey's infernal possessiveness which had been the reason for many of their conflicts and here you were once again discussing with Mikey why you were talking to that guy outside the college when he came to pick you up and why you had to go to his house tomorrow. Mikey was already thinking about killing the boy and making his body disappear even though you had repeated over and over again that he was just a classmate.

- Damn it Manjiro it's just a project and I have to do it because it represents a big part of a grade -

-And couldn't you have chosen a female partner? -

- I told you I DIDN'T CHOOSE IT! The teachers grouped us together -

You were fed up with this conversation, you just wanted peace.

- You know what Manjiro? Fuck you, you never trust me.

You went to the room and slammed the door shut. It was always the same sometimes you liked his jealousy because you loved the feeling that he wanted you all to himself, but when he made your activities difficult it was honestly bullshit.

Mikey knew he had fucked up the moment his name left your lips he knew he was fucked up. He hated being like that he knew it was completely unjustified his jealousy but he was so afraid of losing you, he couldn't do it. He knew it wasn't the healthy thing to do and it was wrong, plus he was hurting you for it but he really couldn't control it. So he gathered all his pride and went after you into the room to apologize.

You felt him come into the room and lay down behind you. He hugged you from behind and started whispering apologies and kissing your never, saying how sorry he was and that he loved you and that he would try not to be like that anymore.

You turned around looking into his eyes, they were glassy and you took his face and kissed him on the lips.

- It's okay Mikey I understand -

Relief was reflected in him when you called him that again.

- but promise me that you will try to reduce this kind of situation. Mikey I love you but this complicates things a lot, I know you don't do it on purpose but please, please try - Mikey kissed you softly holding you and your lips.

Mikey kissed you softly holding your face, a kiss full of sweetness that transmitted all the love he felt for you.

- I promise you, I swear I will do it. I will get better for you because I love you and I want to make you well.

You smiled you knew he was sincere that he would do everything to make you well and that you would get through this together.

You kissed him again softly passing your arms over his neck. Mikey's hands went to your waist deepening the kiss and placing himself between your open legs.

You press yourself against his body feeling his warmth you need to have him close right now. He leaves your lips and moves on to leave wet kisses on your neck.

- okay tomorrow you'll go to that guy's house and do the job but I'm going to leave a little reminder that you have an owner.... Just in case -He continued leaving kisses but now sucking hard on the skin of your neck leaving purple marks and interspersed with bites.

- Well, I think that will be enough. Now let's continue -

Mikey went down to your stomach, lifted your shirt and began to distribute kisses going up to where your chest begins and then down again to your pelvis.

Feeling him close to your intimate places but not really reaching sends a tingle of anticipation through you, he is playing with you, tempting you....

- Mikey - you call him

- hmm? What do you need love? - he licks your belly button his warm wet tongue making the feeling of need increase

- please -

- Please what?

- I need you Mikey don't tease me anymore - you whimper and Mikey is not made of stone so he gives you what you need.

He pulls off your shirt and bra freeing your breasts he gently kneads them, sucks on one nipple and you moan softly. Then he sucks on the other, flicking his tongue and sucking as his hand moves down.

He barely touches above your panties but you arch up looking for more.

- mmm someone's in need - he says with a smile.

He slips his hand inside your panties and runs his finger up and down feeling your wetness never touching your entrance. He goes on like this sucking your tits and playing with your pussy for a while and it's even painful how empty you feel.

- Mikey please put it in - you beg and you can feel him smiling against your chest.

- ok I'll give you what you want - he says taking off your pants and panties - but... - he lifts you up from where you are lying and sits against the back of the bed and you know what he wants before he tells you - I want you to ride me you haven't done that in a long time -

You help him out of his clothes and sit on his lap. His hands go straight to your ass and he squeezes you against him kissing you and letting you feel how hard he is.

You kiss him and tangle your hands in his soft hair pulling a little (you know he likes it) kiss his neck, his chest and lift your hips to put him inside you.

You go down gently feeling every inch of Mikey, you're completely wet so it doesn't hurt. When you reach the bottom you moan in unison and he grabs your waist as if his life depended on it.

You embrace him by the shoulders and move your hips gently as you kiss and caress wanting to feel every inch of each other.

You start moving faster, both of you panting into each other's mouths and giving little nibbles. Mikey loves having you on him like this using him to please you, you look beautiful bouncing on his lap and your body is so warm....

you moan as you feel him so deep inside you throw your head back but Mikey pulls you back into him again. He wants to be all the way inside you.

Your clit rubs against Mikey's body every time you move and his cock slams so deep inside you mixing pleasure and pain making you moan audibly and he notices, he knows you're close

- yes baby like this, hit that place over and over again, come for me please I want to feel it -

- ah, ah, ah, ah Mikey - you groan

He hugs you, kisses your neck and squeezes your ass. The sensation in your body builds and builds until you explode and see black. you writhe on top of Mikey and grind against his cock moaning and panting

- Yeah baby like this - says Mikey pushing you down.

He will never stop loving the sensation of feeling you come on his cock your walls quivering and your flow going down as you moan his name. Mikey comes immediately after leaving his hot seed inside you. He knows it can be dangerous but he can't help it plus he always offers to clean it up and it's an excuse for a second round.

You kiss him softly and get off him and lay down, he cuddles up against you and they sleep then clean up the mess.

#tokyo revengers #tokyo revengers smut #mikey sano #mikey x reader #mikey smut

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feelingtheaster99 · 14 days

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Fabian reconnects with his dad, who almost immediately gives step-by-step instructions on how to intimidate banks by grabbing them by the balls 😅

#he also gives high school children who have no idea #I know they’re adventurers who kill people all the time #but still… incredibly irresponsible cause y’all know none of the bad kids are proficient in that shit #bill seacaster #very typical of bill #bill seacaster also BRINGS the chaos #dimension 20 #d20 #fantasy high #fantasy high junior year #fhjy #fhjy spoilers #fantasy high spoilers #fhjy ep 13 #infernal conflict #infernal conflict spoilers #live reaction #brennan lee mulligan

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c-is-for-circinate · 3 years

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So as close as I am to fully escaping Hades for the first time, I figure I might take this opportunity to write down a couple of things I'm scared of from this ending. The story is so good so far! But I have seen good stories before! And there are patterns, right, patterns it's so easy for even good stories to fall into, so yeah, I have fears, and they mostly come down to Hades himself.

(Yep, this one got long again! People seem to be enjoying my game-reaction rambles, so, for your enjoyment under the cut: themes of separation and reunion, predictions for what Zagreus is the god of, and a whole lot of discussion of familial abuse dynamics, how they're depicted in fiction, and the work it takes to change them in real life. Stay warned! Stay safe!)

(ALSO, I still haven't made it past the first couple of chambers in the Temple of Styx, so no spoilers in the reblogs/comments please! Yes, even though the whole post is me going on about predictions and hopes and concerns about the path the story might take. I WILL GET THERE SOON.)

It has been really interesting watching some of the stuff the game is doing with themes of parting and reunion, and how that corresponds to life and death. So many of our social links are about reuniting estranged loved ones: Chaos and Nyx, Eurydice and Orpheus, Patroclus and Achilles. Hades is estranged from Olympus, Persephone left. And every time we leave, or try to leave, it is both an attempt at a parting (and Meg and Than are so hurt by that goodbye, or lack thereof) and an attempt at a reunion with our mother. Every time we die it's a reunion, every time we die it's fun, it's great, we get to go back home and check in with all of our friends and be impressed by whoever made Employee Of The [Timeperiod] and sell fish to the cook and put down yet more rugs. (My Zagreus has something of a rug addiction. What can you do.)

It's at the point where I feel pretty secure in stating that Zagreus is going to discover eventually that he is both life/death/rebirth god, and god of partings and reunions. Both halves of both of those things. People leave each other when they die and re-find their loved ones in death; you go away from one group of people to come back to another; you have to depart to return, and I really think that's where we're going to end up with Zagreus. He's going to reunite his various friends with their loved ones, he's probably going to restore communications between Hades and Olympus and even Persephone, he's going to reunite with his mom, and he's going to come back to the Underworld before he leaves to see everyone up top all over again. And of course the vehicle for all of this coming and going is death, because death is the ultimate departure and reuniter. (This is absolutely a religious concept containing a whole bunch of "oh hey our culture has a lot of Christian influence, doesn't it", Greek trappings aside, but that's fine, it's a game made in 2018 not 300 BC, these things happen. They keep calling the Underworld 'hell' and 'infernal'. It's all good.) Of course he's a cthonic god. Of course he bleeds, because you have to bleed in order to die, and Zagreus has to die again and again and again. That's his whole thing.

Thing is, though, looking at those themes, I am also continually aware of the fact that some partings are for a really good reason. Some partings should not end in reunion.

Yes, of course this is about Hades the abusive dad. I have been talking about Hades the abusive dad basically non-stop since I started playing this game, where did you think this post was going.

There are a few things I'm nervous about, separate but related, and at the core it all comes down to, I'm not okay with it if we learn why Hades got to be this way, and Zagreus forgives him as we-the-audience are meant to do, and Hades promises to do better, and nothing concrete about the situation is forced to change. Actual, meaningful, practical, logistical, non-hypothetical non-metaphorical change, not just for Zagreus but for Hades himself.

Because I know how this story tends to go, in fiction. Fictional abusive parents (especially in fantasy/sci-fi stories) tend to come in two types: 'coerced their offspring into actual murder with a side of physical abuse and optional unethical lab experimentation', or 'this was here to create character conflict, we didn't mean for it to read as actually abusive, this parent just has flaws to make them a good character, we swear!' Hades isn't the first type--we have never once seen Hades strike his son, or anybody, or even come out from behind his desk--which means that the fear is, always, always, in every piece of fiction, that he's the second. That the writers are going to decide that the right response to his abuses is remorse, forgiveness, and one really good conversation. That they don't realize it's abuse in the first place.

And, like. They have to know, right? They have to. They can't have done this by accident. (Sometimes, writers get so close by accident.) They can't have done so well at drawing out this situation simply by going, 'well, people are meant to fear this god, so they'd probably react like this, and I guess based on what I've seen in other stories or vague acquaintances they'd then do this,' and never put the name on the situation. Every single time we leave to the tune of a Hades word-flash, he's being dismissive, insulting, and sometimes downright cruel. He is cruel. They have to know!!!

But oh boy have I been consuming media for a lot of years, and oh boy have I run into a lot of writers who don't know.

Reconciliation is such a loaded word, but stories about dysfunctional families really do love it. Stories based around themes of reunion are primed for it. And of course, it's nice, it ties a happy ending off with a sweet little bow, everyone gets to be with the people they love and the family is safe and nobody gets hurt, but so rarely have I seen stories that show the actual work required to rebuild those relationships in a realistic or meaningful way. So rarely do stories trying to build that happy ending actually let the victim of abuse set and maintain boundaries. The character never gets to actually just cut the damn ties to the thing that hurt them. The character so rarely even gets to be safe.

And it's so hard in this game specifically, because "THERE IS NO ESCAPE", because every single thing about this game says that the story's not over when Zagreus gets to the surface, that no matter what he's going to have to come back. It's so hard, because this is a game about reunions. I am not going to get an ending where the abused kid trying to flee his toxic home and abusive dad actually gets to leave and stay gone, not in this one. And that hurts (I have watched and supported and done my best to help multiple real-life friends get the fuck out of homes like that, and stay gone, I have seen how hard it is, how complicated, how awful, and there are never stories for that), but I can live with it, if I get an ending where Zagreus is at least safe. Where things change. Where they really change.

Which is why I need actual, concrete, material changes in the logistics and power structure of the Underworld for this ending to be okay. Understanding why Hades is Like That doesn't cut it. Remorse doesn't cut it! Because look, even if Hades wants to do better, even if he admits he's at fault and tries to be better, he is still set up in a position as an all-powerful tyrant, and trying to become a better person is hard. There is nobody around who can keep him in check when he starts backsliding, which he will. Even if he doesn't want to, he will.

Because people are people, and it's really difficult to break patterns! Especially if everything around them stays the same. Hades is going to slip at some point, be cruel, be callous, be tyrannical, no matter how much of an effort he's making. Not to mention, it is STRESSFUL to face your own crimes and improve, it sucks, it feels bad. And what do habitual abusers do when they feel bad? What's the only coping mechanism Hades appears to have established for dealing with his own shit? That's right, it's inflicting suffering on everyone else around him. (This is why it doesn't really matter what circumstances drove Hades to act this way, why it can't matter--I believe that he is suffering, but he copes with that suffering by inflicting additional suffering on everyone around him, everyone who relies on him, and that's still true no matter what made him feel bad to begin with.) So then we just get a great old guilt-->lashing out-->more guilt-->more lashing out merry-go-round of abuse even as Hades is trying to change. That's how these things work. And yes, change is possible, improvement is absolutely possible, but the environment needs to change first. The system that enables and rewards Hades for acting this way can't stay in place. Things need to actually change, with people who are around to support Hades in his growth and also check his power, people who have power of their own to stop him. And however it happens, for this story with this protagonist with these goals to feel like a happy ending, Zagreus needs to be safe.

It would be okay, though a little disappointing, if those changes were mostly based in magic and fate and, idk, divine mind-control. (This story has been so grounded in actual human dynamics that a fantastical solution to a realistic problem would feel like a letdown, but if it actually solved the problem I'd be okay with it, more or less.) It would be okay, though a little disappointing, if the responsibility for bringing Hades to heel fell upon Zagreus and Persephone, if the two family members who he hurt badly enough that they felt the need to run away from him entirely now had to shoulder the burden of helping him fix himself. (There are definitely ways to write that dynamic better and ways to write it worse, and I think I trust these writers to land on the 'better' side of the scale, but I still don't love the implications.) I think I'd be pretty into it if Hades took a vacation off to Olympus to Work Out His Shit with his own family, while a coalition of Meg, Nyx, Thanatos, Zagreus, and Queen Persephone took over running the Underworld in his absence. I think we might end up getting some combination of those things. I'm hopeful. I think these writers might know what they've written. I think they might have a sense for what it'll take to fix.

But yeah, I'm nervous. (Nervous enough that I might switch to God Mode just to get through, combat has started getting really tedious instead of fun, I want to know what happens next, and this is a game and there is no shame in making it more fun for myself by making the boring parts a little quicker and easier.) I've seen so many stories go wrong. This one has done so much to earn my trust. We'll see if it breaks.

#Hades game #Hades spoilers #driveby meta attack #C plays stuff #I have so much hope!!!!~!#I have so much fear!!!!!#DO NOT TELL ME WHAT THE ANSWER IS GOING TO BE!!!!!

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cor-ardens-archive · 3 years

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hey mari have you ever seen Do Começo ao Fim? I'm not sure if it's 100% your style but i saw it years ago and, well, it sure was a gay incest movie. thoughts if you have seen it?

I HAVE and I actually have so much to say about this movie. You asked for this...

[CW for discussions of incest, of course.]

[This is long. Spoiler: I didn’t like it.]

Mostly I did not enjoy it at all, and it felt really off to me the way it just... glosses over the incest? For a movie that is supposedly about an incestuous relationship there was very little conflict about it, which is a choice I do not understand. I’m about to be a little harsh, so I’ll say what I did like about it first. So, the good: Júlia Lemmertz did a fine job as their mother, and their relationship with her is quite beautiful. The actors who play Francisco and Tomaz aren’t very good, but they do have chemistry together, and the love between them was evident in the way they talked, touched and looked at one another - although to be honest, that got very weird and cheesy too (I cringed every time Francisco said “irmãozinho”). Other than that, it was just bland, and I didn't think about it for years.

But then, years later, I read The Carnivorous Lamb by Agustín Gómez-Arcos, which is also about a gay incestuous relationship between two brothers, only it's set in Spain, and the whole thing is an extremely obvious metaphor for the civil war. There are a lot of similarities that made me think Do Começo Ao Fim was inspired by this book, but what really sealed it for me is that in The Carnivorous Lamb, Ignacio, the younger brother, is born with his eyes closed and remains that way for sixteen days:

“Sixteen days!” she exclaimed. “Can you believe it? He waited sixteen days to open his eyes! We were all standing around his cradle, and do you know what he did? Without hesitating, he looked straight at his brother, staring at him as if he were trying to hypnotize him. My dear, you can’t imagine how upset I was. Never, but never, will I forget those eyes, opening to the light for the first time, already full of shadows picked up God knows where. What infernal whirlwind was he riding during those sixteen days of my torment? What brought him to such a state? I never knew. He never looked at me. Or at his father either. His unblinking eyes were still locked on his brother’s.

[...]

So on the sixteenth day after my birth, I opened my eyes and unhesitatingly looked straight at my brother Antonio.

The exact same thing happens to Tomaz in Do Começo Ao Fim - he's born with his eyes closed and remains that way for weeks until he opens them and looks straight at his brother. There's a major difference, though, in how their mothers react. In The Carnivorous Lamb, the mother is selfish and oppressive. She makes a spectacle of her son's blindness, and is extremely disappointed when he opens his eyes because it ruins her plans of turning herself into some kind of martyr. In fact, she resents Ignacio for everything from the moment he is born, perhaps because she already senses they're the same.

In Do Começo Ao Fim, Tomaz's mother is not at all worried about his closed eyes because she knows he'll open them when he's ready. Tomaz says that's how he learned free will, which also puts him in direct opposition to Ignacio, who spends his childhood locked inside his own home and who never develops a sense of self outside of his relationship with his brother. Whereas in The Carnivorous Lamb incest is the product of a dysfunctional, abusive and unhappy family life, it’s framed as something natural and even healthy in Do Começo Ao Fim.

Of course, the movie is not an adaptation of Gómez-Arcos’s book, it’s just somewhat inspired by it. But it invited the comparison, and I think it’s curious how absolutely different they are, and how much the contrast sheds light in the blandness of the film.

The Carnivorous Lamb is theatrical to point of being ridiculous - entirely on purpose, because the characters know they’re playing their parts in a spectacle. Do Começo Ao Fim is also ridiculous, but I don’t think it’s on purpose, and it has nothing to say - and yet it manages to be preachy, what with the terrible, pointless voice-over of Tomaz telling us the themes of the movie, like “This is how I learned free will” and “I’ll never let them lock us in a cage”. Geez.

But for all that, it almost entirely skirts around the issue of incest. In fact, it doesn’t feel a narrative of incest at all, because that’s never a source of conflict. Not only Tomaz and Francisco happy together, they seem to be in a very healthy relationship, and everyone in their life loves and supports them. They even get their mother’s blessing (who is like a divine figure for them, so it’s like God is saying it’s all fine).

I suppose that’s because incest in this movie is a romantic fantasy and not reflective of how sibling incest actually happens in real life. But even then, it doesn’t actually explore, like, the consequences of violating this taboo out of love. It doesn’t explore anything, because there’s never any real conflict. Everything is bland, uninteresting, out of touch and sanitized to death, which is actually what I find most offensive about it.

It’s not just the fact of the incest, the film just refuses to deal with anything, which means there’s barely a story. The major conflict in the movie is that Tomaz and Francisco are going to need to spend some time apart in different countries because of their respective careers. This is understandably difficult for them because they haven’t spent any time apart since Tomaz was born. However, they quickly and efficiently solve this issue by communicating with each other with love and respect, making the choice together, parting ways and eventually reuniting. So even though everything points to a codependent relationship, they’re actually able to solve their problem like any normal, healthy couple would, because the writer hates me personally and doesn’t want to make anything even remotely interesting.

It’s a very curious movie in that way, because it’s like the writer was trying very hard to not tell a story. And he succeeded.

(Also, it’s interesting that you’ve seen this movie, I actually don’t know anyone else who has, except my mom. She also didn’t like it, she said it was boring.)

#i've been dying to talk about this because apparently no one else's pointed out the The Carnivorous Lamb influence #truly love u for this one

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ohnotoomanyfandoms · 3 years

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why on earth did they run away to paris like how does that help the plot in anyway ...😳

I shall answer under the cut so as not to spoil anyone. Read more only if you’ve finished Chain of Iron or if you’re actively looking for spoilers, I guess.

In my opinion, Matthew and Cordelia running away to Paris doesn’t move the plot forward in any substantial way. It just provided the emotional cliffhanger we needed. It creates emotional conflict. Many readers will spend the next year in a “will they won’t they?” mode (spoiler: they won’t).

Plus, as my esteemed colleague @destinedtobemine always reminds me, The Last Hours, more than The Infernal Devices, is truly A Tale of Two Cities. Will Herondale might have been Sydney Carton, but TLH is quite literally a tale of two cities. It’s only fair that we return to Paris again in Chain of Thorns.

#chain of iron #coi #choi #the last hours #the infernal devices #tlh #tid #tsc #the shadowhunter chronicles

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agent-cupcake · 4 years

Text

Dimitri and mental illness

**Warnings for Blue Lions spoilers and armchair psychology

Depending on who you ask, Dimitri is an innocent sweetheart whose actions are entirely excusable and justified or an unforgivable war criminal and overall terrible character. Arguments for both sides have been exhausted, usually in the form of the popular Edelgard versus Dimitri debate, but I feel that both statements are heavily flawed and, truthfully, I think I take more issue with the former. Does it strike anyone else as rather patronizing that the audience (and the game, to an extent) treats Dimitri like an innocent, broken uwu soft boy both before the time skip and once he begins his recovery arc? Of course, a lot of this can be blamed on the awful pacing and poor writing of said recovery (which is the most valid structural critique of his character imo), but there’s a lot to be said about the fan depiction of Dimitri and the way people treat his mental illness. I think the reason this gets me is because I see it as an extension of the problems I have with the romanticization of male-specific mental illness. In this case, “all depressed boys are emasculated, soft, sad bois” and “anger is an accessory that is vanished once the cute boy takes it off” with the related sentiment of “the only two real mental illnesses are depression and anxiety, with a splash of PTSD for argument's sake”. And, speaking of arguments, while many people bring up mental illness in regards to the discussion around Three Houses characters, it is often supplementary to support their points rather than the main point unto itself. Dimitri’s mental illness (aka, the thing his entire arc is predicated upon) is mostly given only a passing recognition in the discussion of his actions. Even then, it’s often used as a justification to defend or lambaste him.

TL;DR Dimitri is a flawed person with a debilitating and incredibly well written mental illness that, while not excusing his actions, allows for further exploration of his character and a well-deserved shot at a recovery arc that is not usually awarded to people with the “non-traditional” mental illnesses. Furthermore, the game offers a wealth of insight as to what they intended his mental illness to be, the symptoms that manifested, and a plausible background to match up with it all and I have the receipts to prove it. Let’s go~

“Me? Oh. Um. Please forgive me... It's difficult to open up on the spot, don't you think? I'm afraid my story has not been a pleasant one... I do hope that doesn't color your view of me, but I understand if that can't be helped.”

I know that mental illness can be singularly caused by a traumatic event or events. That is, generally, how I see people framing Dimitri’s mental illness. My argument, however, is that the Tragedy of Duscur was not the genesis, but the trigger for issues that would exist otherwise. Perhaps it’s due to my own personal experience with mental illness, but I’m almost always more inclined to believe that issues stem from an unlucky combination of many things.

Regardless, my evidence to entertain the idea that he would be naturally predisposed to mental illness is slim. Aside from arguing that it wouldn’t be out of the question for his mother to have been unwell while she was pregnant with him considering she would later die of plague (a cause that in and of itself is subject to skepticism), I would bring up his Crest. In-game there is clear proof that Crests have wide-reaching effects on the person, there are actually a few analysis posts that hypothesize that Crests could be the reason for certain character motivations. In ng+, the Crest of Blaiddyd is called the Grim Dragon Sign. There’s no definitive proof to point to here, but if his Crest was one of the reasons for his mental deterioration it would follow other rules set in-game. Rather than inherited human genetics creating the blueprint for mental issues and the writers having to face that issue on its own terms, it was the Crest’s influence. This goes along with the fact that the game never overtly references Dimitri’s illness, essentially using “the dead” as a blanket symptom of his problems. Both these things are cool ways to imply a possible way to read more deeply without having to use anachronistic medical terms.

Side note: There’s something uncomfortable about the idea of a Crest that gives the individual inhuman strength and mental issues. Grim Dragon indeed.

My next point is one that I don’t see being brought up too often in regards to how it might have affected Dimitri, likely because the events that came later in his life far overshadow it, but Dimitri lost his mom when he was young. The date is not given, but I think it’d be when he was about six-ish. Admittedly, the timeline is strange and non-specific around here but if that were true, it would mean that the plague, Dimitri’s mother’s death, and Lambert and Rodrigue’s war campaign to subjugate the southern half of Sreng would all have happened around the same time. Dimitri says he doesn’t remember it, but that doesn’t necessarily matter. At six years old he had lost one parent and the other one left him to go on a battle march, leaving this child without any sort of parent figure to console him in a country that is culturally opposed to expressing emotion. Lambert will probably always remain a mystery, but I think it could be fair to say he was a poor father. Or at the very least a distant one. Dimitri was undoubtedly a sensitive child (if we’re to judge by the sensitive person he grew up to be) and during the years where he was actually becoming old enough to remember, he had nobody to teach him how to properly navigate and manage his emotions. Emotional neglect in a child who is predisposed to being emotional and empathetic can leave them suffering from a sense of isolation, an inability to ask for help, and a predisposition to having break downs as they get older.

But three-ish years later, possibly one of the best things that ever would happen to Dimitri came to pass and Lambert married Patricia. Dimitri adored her.

“I share no blood with my stepmother, but to hear you say that... It pleases me greatly. She was the one who raised me. I suppose it makes sense that we would share certain mannerisms.” (Dimitri’s B support with Hapi)

I don’t think Dimitri’s feelings about Patricia can be overstated, as I feel it’s one of the most defining aspects of his reactions to things that happen later on. Dimitri talks about Patricia more lovingly than he talks about Lambert. She was in his life for around four to five years but had such an impact on him that even his mannerisms are similar.

Soon after, a ten-year-old Dimitri made his first friend that wasn’t knightly, who didn’t embody those Faerghus ideals of stifling emotions and swinging swords.

People point out the Faerghus crew as Dimitri’s best friends, and yet Edelgard is the one associated with his best memories. It’s just my own assumptions, but I think that it’s because both Edelgard and Patricia gave Dimitri space to be an emotional child, to not have to be the knightly prince who had no emotions and engaged only in the most masculine of activities. And, I mean, look at them. He’s learning to dance and she’s bossing him around, absolutely no regard for propriety.

It’s pretty clear that Dimitri doesn’t feel romantic feelings towards Edelgard in the academy phase, but I think it would be fair to say she was his first love when they were young. He essentially says this was the best year of his life and establishes Edelgard as someone very precious to him (as well as the daughter of one of the most precious people to him). Strong feelings beget strong feelings, do they not?

Google says that eleven to fourteen is the general age of male puberty. It’s the time that kids begin to more fully define how they’re going to emotionally interact with people and the world at large. Meeting Edelgard was at the cusp of this period of Dimitri’s life, and the Tragedy of Duscur was right in the midst of it.

And we all know what that turned out.

Dimitri’s accounts of what happened during the Tragedy are... conflicting. This CG of an unharmed Dimitri in a field of corpses is... conflicting.

“My father...was the strongest man I knew. Someone I loved and admired deeply. That said, he was killed before my eyes. His head severed clean off. My stepmother, the kindest person I had ever known, left me behind and disappeared into the infernal flames.”

I’ve seen people create a plausible scenario in which Dimitri’s recollection is entirely accurate, where he saw Lambert call for revenge and get beheaded, saw Glenn’s ruined body and face twisted in pain, saw his step-mother disappear into the flames, and all despite the raging chaos of the battle and how people would undoubtedly be targeting the prince, but I think it makes more sense that his memories are unreliable. Dimitri suffered a severe head injury (very important to keep in mind) at Duscur. Maybe that happened early on, after seeing who attacked Lambert but before he was an actual target himself, which merely made him look dead. Maybe he saw a version of the events he described, but through the filter of confused head trauma, smoke inhalation, and intense terror. To think that his recollection isn’t exactly entirely reliable sets a precedent for his later skewed take on reality.

Regardless of opinion, though, the facts are that Dimitri left Duscur with a traumatic brain injury and post-traumatic stress disorder.

After that, from thirteen to seventeen, Dimitri was pretty isolated. Most of the people he cared about were dead. His entire emotional support system (Patricia) was gone. He saved Dedue (although they were definitely not on even terms, that relationship is unbalanced to the extreme) and occasionally saw Rodrigue (who I have no reason to believe was emotionally accommodating in any way considering the way he sees Dimitri as an extension of Lambert to his dying breath). Again, it’s strange. People act like Dimitri was super close friends with the Faerghus crew, that he was surrounded by people who loved him (although it is clear there is a lot of love there), but he never presents things in a way to imply that’s the case. In fact, he highlights his isolation:

“In Duscur, I lost my father, stepmother, and closest friends. I didn't have many allies at the castle after that. In truth, I had only Dedue for companionship.”... “I once had people I could confide in. Family, friends, instructors, even the royal soldiers. But they were all taken away from me four years ago.” (Dimitri’s C support with Byleth.)

Two years passed before the next time Dimitri saw his friends and it was a war campaign, putting down the rebellion in western Faerghus. Dimitri speaks about those battles from a place of deeply affected emotion, expressing empathy, pain, and disgust with his actions and the killing.

“I recall coming across a dead soldier's body. He was clutching a locket. Inside was a lock of golden hair. I don't know to whom it belonged. His wife, his daughter...mother, lover... I'll never know.... in that moment, I realized he was also a real person, just like the rest of us… Killing is part of the job, but even so... There are times when I'm chilled to the bone by the depravity of my own actions.” (Dimitri’s B Support with Byleth)

I love this support, honestly. It’s so very telling about the destructive quality of empathy. Although caring can be a good thing, it’s also arguably one of the most destructive of Dimitri’s qualities. His empathy is what presents him with situations he cannot accept, the thing that pushes him to disassociate from reality so he can be rid of it and fight without remorse like he was taught to do by his father and other soldiers. Dimitri is a man of extremes. Either total control or none, without any room for error. This dialogue is also the first time Dimitri brings up reconciling himself with reality and hints to the fact that he has been unable to do so. This is contrasted perfectly in this line from Felix,

“The way you suppressed that rebellion... It was ruthless slaughter and you loved every second. I remember the way you killed your victims. How you watched them suffer. And your face...that expression. All the world's evil packed into it...” (Dimitri’s C Support with Felix)

Dimitri doesn’t deny this. Just like all of the other terrible things Felix says, he takes it without protesting in an act of what I think is stilted contrition. Although, it’s not just in supports that Dimitri’s contrasting behavior is brought up. The Remire incident probably works as a good reference for what Felix saw all those years back.

This is the first time we see Dimitri’s darker side in full. The similarities in the situation to what is shown to have happened in the Tragedy of Duscur are interesting. The fire, the utter chaos, strange figures watching it all from above. This is another case of a perfect disaster. I wonder if his ultimate snap would have been so destructive if not for Remire.

Anyway, this draws parallels to his and Felix’s separate recall of the rebellion because later Dimitri apologizes.

“Professor... I...I'm sorry you saw that side of me in the village… When I saw the chaos and violence there...my mind just went completely dark.”

Dimitri is unreliable. A lack of control, a separation of self, and becoming consumed by a dark rage only to come to his senses later, full of shame and a sense of confusion about why. From my own experience, it’s not unnatural to come out of an episode like this without being able to explain what was happening and being baffled by your behavior. This firmly establishes Dimitri’s uncomfortably fast mood shifts in relation to his trauma from the Tragedy and confirms all of the warnings Felix had given. When Dimitri was faced with a reality he could not accept, he lost control of his emotions and his mental state shifted to adapt accordingly.

This is when I’d also like to note something interesting about how Dimitri discusses his trauma. He is very honest and open about his experiences, explaining exactly what happened to him to Byleth. However, he uses the truth to hide. In recounting the events of the Tragedy of Duscur, in talking about how his family died and saying how badly it hurt him, he does not make himself vulnerable. When he admits weakness, he does so in the past tense or apologetically, vowing to be stronger. “Stronger”, aka, he’ll be better in suppressing his emotions.

“I always strive to keep my emotions at bay, but... Sometimes the darkness takes hold and...it's impossible to suppress. It just shows you how lacking I am... I have much to learn.”

Dimitri lies by using the truth, shoving down his feelings, and blaming himself rather than attempting to figure out how to handle his emotions. In his own words:

“Everyone has something that is unacceptable within them. I certainly do, and I'd wager you do as well. I wonder which is best, Professor... To cut away that which is unacceptable, or to find a way to accept it anyway...”

Good advice Dimitri. Might want to keep that in mind.

It is at this point is when I’m going to get into my personal thoughts and armchair psychiatry nonsense.

First off, when I mentioned earlier about “non-traditional” mental illness, I did not mean abnormal or rare. Although people mostly just point to Dimitri having PTSD (and depression) as the source of his issues, I’m going to use all of my above information to make the (decently common) argument that Dimitri is schizophrenic, which is, contrary to popular belief, not too unusual. I state that with the caveat that I understand that there’s a lot to be said about schizophrenia and the tumultuous relationship between mental health and fiction. However, now is not really the time to go into mental health politics and representation or the many lies spread about the illness so instead, I recommend that you read into the topic if you’re personally interested (This has some good information).

At the very least be aware that this IS sensationalized.

That said, Dimitri does not, to my understanding using grossly simplified terms, meet the qualifications generally (very generally) used to diagnose schizophrenia through the majority of the White Clouds chapters. These qualifying symptoms include, but are not limited to, the duration of the psychotic episode, the concurrent presence of hallucinations and delusions, and a greatly lowered ability to keep up with basic quality-of-life tasks. You only see these symptoms in the final chapter of White Clouds and the first few of Azure Moon. This isn’t unusual, however, because schizophrenia manifesting fully in younger individuals is extremely uncommon, sometimes taking years to trigger during a person’s late teens. And since the diagnosis generally relies on the occurrence of a psychotic episode, it can be mistaken as other mood disorders. Actually, the idea of him having a mood disorder was one of the things that caught my eye originally. Prodromal symptoms such as depression, irritability, headaches, sleep disruption, and mood swings are common in bipolar disorder (and, of course, schizophrenia).

Still, I don't deny that Dimitri has PTSD and depression, only that I don’t think PTSD is his main (or only) issue. In reality, PTSD and schizophrenia are closely tied. They share many symptoms, even the symptom of psychosis. There’s also evidence that those with genetic precedent to develop PTSD overlap with those at risk for schizophrenia, and that the nature of PTSD triggers can act as a severe stressor to aggravate a schizophrenic episode.

(From here)

This falls into the realm of being uncertain where one ends the other begins, highlighting the lack of concrete understanding about schizophrenia and the dependency of diagnosis and treatment to rely entirely on the individual experience, but that’s not a conversation I’m actually qualified to have.

The study that truly caught my eye and while researching for this was one called “Psychiatric disorders and traumatic brain injury”. As I mentioned, at some point during the Tragedy, Dimitri sustained severe head trauma. We know this because of his development of the rare inability to taste called ageusia. I was originally interested in following this narrative thread because, as you might know if you follow true crime cases, there are many murderers who recall having sustained a head injury as children. Not that Dimitri shares similar psychology to people that kill and eat their victim's feet... Although his body count is higher. Besides that, head trauma, in general, is known to be linked to mental illness and altering a person’s behavior. There is even a correlation between TBI (traumatic brain injury) and schizophrenia.

From the study I linked above:

To put it more simply, patients in the study who had suffered TBI and developed schizophrenia reported that their most common symptoms were delusions of persecution, auditory hallucinations, and aggressive behaviors. The auditory hallucinations were often voices. Many of the subjects experienced psychotic episodes two or more years after the initial incident (although, as I mentioned, Dimitri’s age could also have something to do with the timing as children rarely have fully developed schizophrenic episodes). Furthermore, the behaviors classified as an absence of normal behaviors called “negative symptoms” (which include apathy and disordered speech) were rare in this testing group.

Dimitri exclusively displays “positive” symptoms of schizophrenia (“positive” meaning the presence of symptoms such as hallucinations and delusions). He also clearly suffers from delusions of persecution in his belief that Edelgard is the sole instigator of Duscur and the war and that he immediately accuses Byleth of being an Imperial spy upon meeting them post time skip. I think it’s pretty fascinating how closely Dimitri’s symptoms follow the outline of the study, especially with the aggressive behaviors, as those aren’t actually very common in schizophrenics.

In very, very simplistic terms, if I’m right and Dimitri was born with the genetic blueprint for schizophrenia/PTSD (through Crests, inheritance, or environmental causes) and later suffered severe head trauma in an event that also gave him PTSD in combination with his pre-existing parental issues and stilted emotional development, then this could definitely create the type of person who loses all sense of reality, can’t control his emotions, and is prone to episodes of murderous rage when being reminded of the trigger (however tangentially) of losing everything he loved.

However, I’ll add real quick that the study I mentioned should be taken with a grain of salt.

I use it mainly because I thought the similarities were interesting and it shows that there was more thought put into Dimitri than maybe people appreciate.

This brings us to my final point; Some kind of twisted joke.

A major point I saw being made as proof of how terrible Dimitri is as a character was that he blamed Edelgard for the Tragedy of Duscur (a time where she would have been twelve). More accurately, he blamed her for everything that had happened and the thing is, I don’t disagree with that critique entirely. However, this is a case of him being a bad person, not a bad character. This might seem like an odd distinction, but I think it changes the scope of deserved criticism.

As I’ve been trying so desperately to illustrate, Dimitri snapping wasn’t just because of Edelgard being revealed as the Flame Emperor. Rather, it was an unlucky combination of many things. His grasp and interpretation of reality were already hazy at best by the time she was unmasked, slowly falling apart as his prodromal symptoms worsened. Going into the fight, he believed the Flame Emperor to be responsible in whole or in part for the worst thing that had ever happened to him, guessed at Arundel’s involvement, had found (and lied about) the dagger, and was rapidly mentally deteriorating. While Dimitri suspected Edelgard’s involvement to some degree, he did his best to act like it wasn’t true.

Dimitri didn’t want it to be true. To the extent that he was willing to lie to Byleth (and to himself) to avoid reality. He cared deeply about Edelgard. The best year of his life was spent with her, she was his first love, and she was the daughter of the step-mother he adored. Strong feelings beget strong feelings, do they not? This reveal confronted Dimitri with something that he could not accept, so his mind sidestepped the issue altogether. Delusion convinced him that all of the fears and worries he had beforehand were related, all into one larger delusion that Edelgard had sole responsibility. It’s not right and maybe not even excusable, but it falls in line with everything else.

Edelgard and Dimitri. Bound by some twisted fate but forever doomed to be separated, unable to understand the other’s chosen path.

I do recognize the flaws of Dimitri’s character and arc. There are some pretty major flaws. I have parts of a post typed out about his shoddy recovery and how I’d fix it that, hopefully, one day will see the light of day as well as many complaints about the way the story is hindered by the need for flexibility to accommodate gameplay and a happy ending.

But, despite that, this has all been a very long-winded way of praising Dimitri’s writing. His mental illness has a surprising amount of depth and I loved studying it as intently as I did. I learned a lot about his character as well as about mental illness in general.

Ultimately, Dimitri is neither an innocent sweetheart whose actions are entirely excusable and justified or an unforgivable war criminal and overall terrible character. You can feel bad for his pain and his struggle with his illness and understand that as a reason for his actions, but you shouldn’t use it as justification. He had the opportunity to seek help before things got too bad. He was selfish with the mismanagement of his emotions and goals. However, he also was a victim. Dimitri worked to recover and mend the mistakes he made while he was unwell, which is a side of this mental illness that is rarely shown in media.

I wholeheartedly believe that, love him or hate him, Dimitri is the most well-written of the Three Houses characters,

#dimitri #fe dimitri #dimitri alexandre blaiddyd #fire emblem 16 #fire emblem #FE3H #fire emblem three houses #i spent an ungodly amount of time on this feel free to share your thoughts

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