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incorrectly-quoted-queers · 7 days

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Garrus: Shepard, I have a question Shepard: Ask away Garrus: I will warn that it does feel... strange Shepard: Just fucking ask, bud Garrus: Remember when we were walking through Chora's Den and asking those dancers about that merc we were after? Shepard: ...Yes? Garrus: Well when I got back to my bunk that night I found a note in my armor with information on how to contact her Shepard: So what, she has more answers for us? We should call her. Garrus: Shut up, I'm not finished. After her information, she wrote, "call me at night and read me the phone book, baby" Shepard: Garrus: Shepard: Garrus: What the fuck does that mean? Shepard:...You should read me the phone book one night and we'll find out Garrus: Shepard this isn't funny Shepard: Kinda funny Garrus: What is a phone book? Why would I read it? Shepard, giggling too hard: Garrus: Shepard! I'm serious! Shepard, struggling to breathe: I bet the food deliveries section would get particularly spicy Garrus: You know what, fuck you Shepard: I'm sure that's something the dancer would love to hear that Garrus: Shepard: Garrus: She was hitting on me Shepard: Yes. Yes she was

#And then of course he read Shepard the phone book #shepard #garrus'#shakarian #garrus x shepard #femshep #awkward garrus #garrus vakarian #mass effect #bioware #video games #incorrect mass effect quotes #incorrect quotes

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incorrect-masseffect-quotes · 9 months

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Garrus, prentending to joke: So when are you going to go out with me?

Shepard: I don't know. When are you going to ask me to?

(Later)

Tali: And then you just ran away?!

Garrus: I didn't expect her flirt back!!

#commander shepard #incorrect quotes #mass effect #incorrect mass effect quotes #mass effect incorrect quotes #mass effect legendary edition #garrus vakarian #tali'zora vas normandy #jane shepard #femshep #shepard x garrus

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moonah-rose · 8 months

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Shepard: You'll do fine, Grunt. We're a family of survivors, it's in our blood.

Grunt: Why would that matter? I'm adopted.

Garrus: WHAT?! Spirits, who told you?!

#incorrect mass effect quotes #urdnot grunt #commander shepard #garrus vakarian #mass effect #source: easy a

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oleolesimeeligen · 1 year

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Kelly: do you want to talk about your feelings?

Shepard: no.

Kaidan: I do.

Kelly: I know, Kaidan.

Kaidan: I'm sad.

Kelly: I know, Kaidan.

#mass effect incorrect quotes #incorrect mass effect quotes #mass effect #shepard #commander shepard #kaidan alenko #kelly chambers #throuple

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verylatehere · 5 months

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James: : A clock is right four times a day, if you think about the minute hand and the second hand. Thank you…The minute hand and the hour hand and the second hand-

Joker: no-

James: It could be right six times a day!

Joker: No Vega, no, I'm like, I'm literally about to start crying blood. It's-

James: No, if you think about-

Joker: No-

James: The hour is correct-

Joker: It's- they're not too separate!

James: So it's 2pm, and then it's-

Joker: No asshole, no no no-

James: Fifteen minutes-

Joker: You can’t just say, no no no no no, it can’t just be-

James: So, it could actually be right six times a day!

Joker: You are incorrect.

James: And-

Joker: You are thinking about a clock completely wrong. A time is the coordinatiod of the minute hand and-

James: Yes!

Kaidan: All 3! All 3! Minute, hour and second!

Joker: So it can only be twice!

James: And individually, individually, they can also be correct.

Kaidan: Well no, that would mean it would be correct 24 times in a day.

Joker: It is-

James: Why?

Kaidan: Becau- If you’re only counting the minute hand?

James: No I'm not just counting the minute hand!

Joker: I...want...to retire, from the Normandy

James: Well, hey, buddy, Wait a couple of years, and then you can get whatever clock you want. I mean I dunno what kinda...

Joker: [Wailing in anguish]

James: Probably, maybe -

Joker: [Wailing in anguish]

James: Wanna get, probably, probably wanna get a clock that’s right more than two times a day. Idiot here…

Joker: [Wailing in anguish] Oh God, oh God!

#Incorrect mass effect quotes #James vega #kaidan alenko #Jeff “Joker” Moreau

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lilcooldude04 · 1 year

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Suvi, pulling up a powerpoint: Can you lick the science? An abbreviated list.

Genetics - do not. Unless cheek swabs?

Chemistry - NO!!!!! DO NOT!!!!!

Archaeology - perhaps. But might be human bone.

Geology - sometimes needed, sometimes dangerous.

Psychology - best not.

Physics - ????????? How??????

Zoology - in zoology, science licks you.

Anthropology - maybe ask first.

Herpetology - bad plan bad plan BAD PLAN

Sociology - yes, if you have time and dedication and a willingness to piss people off.

Botany - you might hallucinate or die, OR it might be delicious

Computer Science - the tingle of electricity on your tongue is how you know it's working

Epidemiogy - FOR THE SAKE OF THE WORLD PLEASE DO NOT

Linguistics - despite the name, please probably don't.

Engineering - maybe, but it'll probably taste like spreadsheets

Software Engineering - nothing else has made the code work so you might as well try it

Neuroscience - that is someone's brain. no. do not.

Marine Biology - you can try, but you'll probably just get a mouthful of seawater

Astronomy - look, if your dedication to licking Uranus is what it takes to get humankind to another planet, then so be it

#mass effect #mass effect andromeda #mass effect shitpost #incorrect mass effect quotes #suvi anwar #source: tumblr

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ceo-of-sloppy-men · 1 year

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totally accurate spoilers for mass effect 5

Liara (and crew): Shepard! We finally found you!

Shepard, wearing kakis and a Hawaiian shirt with margarita in one hand, standing on the deck of their make-shift cabana: no, you didn't.

#incorrect mass effect quotes #commander shepard #shepard #let them have a BREAK #let them retire!#liara t'soni #mass effect #mass effect 5

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mxanigel · 1 year

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Miranda: "We need a plan of attack." Shepard: "I have a plan: Attack."

#Mass Effect #incorrect mass effect quotes #Winter Shepard #Miranda Lawson #nonbinary shepard #queued post

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thoughts-i-had-once · 2 years

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Javik: Commander. I have learned your airlock has a "VI" machine. It will surely betray you. You must throw it out the... [beat] Javik: Oh no.

#incorrect mass effect quotes #mass effect #javik

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incorrectly-quoted-queers · 14 hours

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Turian Questions Humanity pt. 2

Garrus: Alright Shepard, I gotta ask: What's that? Shepard: What do you mean? Garrus: That giant metal tube you're always carrying Shepard: Oh. My water bottle Garrus: Shepard: Garrus: Shepard: ...What? Garrus: I've never seen you use it Garrus: Is that why Chakwas and Mordin keep pulling you aside for "talks"? Shepard: No! Of course not! Garrus: Shepard: ...They also give me lectures about my sleep schedule Garrus: Alright maybe let's start using the metal tube

#turian #human #turian x human #garrus vakarian #garrus x femshep #shakarian #mass effect #bioware #scifi #incorrect quotes #incorrect mass effect quotes #alien x human #funny

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incorrect-masseffect-quotes · 9 months

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Shepard: Who hurt you?

Tali: Do you want a list?

Shepard,cracking knuckles: Yes

#commander shepard #incorrect mass effect quotes #incorrect quotes #mass effect #mass effect incorrect quotes #mass effect legendary edition #tali'zora vas normandy #shepard x tali #femshep #male shepard

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moonah-rose · 9 months

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Grunt: I'm too tough to cry!