#im queer and deep in my feelings

[linddzz]

Thinking about Weird Barbie and how she's the very obviously queer outsider of the Barbie world, she straddles the lines between Barbie and the Real World. She's the most aware of the performative nature of it all. She supports Barbie while also gently mocking her panic at losing the hyperfeminine perfection. Her weird house is also home to the discontinued reject weird Barbies, the outcasts (including very gay earring Ken) who never fell into either the original matriarchy or the Kentriarchy brainwashing.

The other more classically heteronormative and beautiful Barbies both pity and fear her, and at first the narrative pities her as well. She's the vessel of girls going weird and crazy and feral on their dolls and that's amazing. Weird Barbie is aware of who she is and how the world sees her and she loves it. She's Weird Barbie and She Owns It.

#i couldnt identify with a lot of the Barbies Feminine Crisis on as deep a level as other women i know #but holy shit did i see what they did with Weird Barbie aka Queer Barbie #GOD this movie did such a great job capturing the feeling of #gender is fake and but also its real #ive been having gender thoughts #mostly about how im so goddamn ambivalent about gender that i can't even identify #with the idea of thinking about What Is My Gender enough to say its nonbinary #my gender is Sure Okay #she/her yeah fine its whatever #barbie

[lesbianwithchainsaws]

Being queer and neurodivergent is great and all until you're with relatives and you watch other people and feel like an outcast in your own family

#extra fun that i cant exactly tell my therapist that being queer is one of the reasons i feel this way #because peoples opinions on queer people here generally arent good #idk sometimes it feels like I dont belong anywhere and feel really alone even though i know im not #its just the way other people live and do things seems genuinely impossible for me. i dont get how they do it #sometimes wish i wasnt who i am ngl #can someone please tell me something nice. my self esteem is buried deep underground right now and i feel not great #sorry for bringing vent posts here on tumblr. i just genuinely dont have many people or places that I feel okay talking about this stuff #especially no one irl i feel okay telling all this to #and dm'ing people is also really difficult. i genuinely struggle to do it #vent post

[wavebiders]

LRT that is such a thing with queer fandom spaces tho. It's like that post that's all "yeah your story is so gay but how are you treating your female characters" you know?

like yeah it's great that this is the queer fandom website but a good chunk of the time that just means placing a lot of focus on the white guys and that's still not great lmao

#this isnt anything I just need to spit my thoughts out somewhere #but it's been kinda bugging me ever since folks got all bug eyed about the bg3 romance stats #all the brushing Shadowheart's popularity off as straight guys that dont actually care about character depth #first of all saphic women and bi/pan exist believe it or not queer does not always = attraction to men #and believe it or not many straight men do have actual thoughts in their heads besides 'oooh im a tough guy banging a hot girl' #like do you guys actually go outside and talk to people or is your only experience with straight guy gamers angry youtube comments? #even just sticking to the internet you can find folks on reddit having discussions about her whole deal with Shar/Selune as early as ea #people have always been interested in her story #it just feels weird to brush off a female character's popularity as just being shallow #while considering the vocal online love for male characters to be inherently more deep #again this isnt anything it's not a call out sometime a bitch just needs to be petty and vent yeah?

[yonpote]

I said i would block them because after years of them hinting at a romantic relationship if everything turned out to be a lie/a skit/ mkt strategy i would feel lied to and my trust in them would be completly gone. Not saying their personal stuff its any of my business but my feelings and perception of them are my business and i would relocate my interest somewhere else

how would you know it was a lie or a marketing strategy tho. like this hypothetical already makes no sense but ok lets pretend it does and go along with the logic.

say next week, after everything they've ever posted after all these years, dan decides to upload a video saying he has a boyfriend who is NOT amazingphil!!! how does that mean all of the past experiences that he has shown us that he's had with phil is suddenly a lie or a marketing ploy? the whole "dnp gay as a business scheme" thing is so stupid cuz they would have Actually played it up if that were the case. yeah whatever the tatinof fanfic section is playing it up, but in their regular degular videos for years they would try so very hard to no homo. even once they were done with ACTUALLy saying they werent gay and dan wasnt as publicly defensive online, it was still friends and thats it, no hinting at anything more, the most Teasing we would get are innuendos and feeding each other lmao. and dont get it twisted. they did that on purpose to tease us, but it was never any sort of """"bait"""" or trying to make us believe in phan or some shit it's just them having fun with us as an audience. it's so insulting to think that dnp would be that manipulative to their audience, that in this unrealistic hypothetical scenario in which they announce that theyre seeing different people that would mean everything that we have seen of them is suddenly a lie.

#why does seeing another person = everything about their relationship is a lie #no offense you literally sound like that guy who said dnp not announcing that theyre fucking is setting back the queer community #and im not saying you have to still enjoy their content in this stupid fake unreal never going to happen situation #but its just so. insidious to even think that they are those kind of people #like i dont care if its parasocial bc for me its what my gut is telling me and my gut is saying deep down they are good people #so idk man i feel like. you need to rethink why you enjoy dnp im being so serious about that #like if it really is just because you see them as in a relationship then sure but like. is that seriously all you like abt them???

[nerdie-faerie]

Currently thinking about the last time I met up with my college friends, and we went around the table reintroducing ourselves with names and pronouns, cus it gets like that. And every time it would come around to me, I would deflect and distract instead of answering because I hadn't actually figured it out yet. It's coming up on a year since then, I still have no idea what the answer would be

#Queer gang #it was literally this time last year cus it was the last time i went home for winter break that i saw them all #i panicked and got distracted the first time i was supposed to introduce myself despite the fact theyre the last people who would judge #but were a bunch of very easily distracted fckers so it wasnt even that noticeable that i hadnt answered at first #but then one of them realised id never actually introduced myself and i cant even remember how i changed the topic #but someone would always realise in the middle of someones story so id just redirect the attention to what we were already discussing #to buy myself time to think but i never actually came up with an answer and im stuck on a coach rn so my brain has all this time to think #and im just. its been a year since that incident its been several years since i started to think maybe my gender didnt entirely fit #but every time i try to figure it out like a puzzle like i did with my sexuality the first time i realise i dont really have an answer #its not that i feel that something else would fit better and i cant figure out why it doesnt feel right in the first place #is it because i was raised hyperfeminine despite growing up predominantly around brothers? #is it because tradition gender roles dont fit anyway when yoyre queer because so much of gender is tangled up in sexuality? #is it because im taking too much of a theoretical/whatever approach to it when i know gender is predominantly a social construct? #is it because its just not that deep and i dont care? or do i care and i just havent figured it out yet? idk

[dandyshucks]

yall this old lady craft group is the best thing ever and i want to cry thinking abt how grateful i am to have it fjfkdl i think this might be the one group that i feel wholly welcomed into and actually a real part of for the first time in my life ;-; ♡

the group leader always seems to want me to sit next to her and her daughter is always interested in seeing what im working on when she comes at the end and she also tells me abt different crochet patterns she's seen on fb marketplace or she brings in old patterns for me to look through and take what i want, and then the card maker lady is offering to give me this big old crocheted clown doll that her mum made her years ago and she immediately offered to give me a ride home without me even saying anything (so that i wouldnt have to try take it home on the bus fjdkdl), and they were all super excited for me when i told them I was able to fix my accordion, and they just... treat me like an equal and a human person and fjdksl man ... it's so nice

AND IM JUST 😭💗 about it all !!!! it all feels so foreign to me !!!! i do not know when I've ever felt so fully part of a group and an equal to everyone there !!!

#and theyre always so happy to see me when i arrive fjfkdl #I've had coworkers be happy to see me but thats always been bc i was like... useful and made them feel good LMAO #its so easy to have coworkers enjoy ur presence if u do ur job well and compliment them when they do things well #or even just like. hey i like ur shoes. just simple things go a long way #so ppl have been happy to see me in the past but its only been bc i was useful to them ;-; #BUT THIS !!! this is just me being part of a group !!! i am an equal !!! its such a wild feeling !!! #im like... a full person !! its crazy !! #now granted. idk if they'd treat me the same if they knew that im queer and like. very mentally ill but DHDJDLL #thats okay idk i can live with not sharing those aspect of me bc it doesnt feel important in that setting #AUGGHHH it is just such a good feeling idk fjfldl i wish i could express it better #when u have been lesser ur entire life it is so incredible and wonderful to be treated as an equal #i did not realize how EASY it could be to socialize and feel safe with ppl if they'd just ... treat u like a human and an equal #like idk if I've ever felt so safe in my life around other ppl before fjfkdl this is crazy #ANYWAYS IM GETTING TOO DEEP ABT IT MAYBE SORRY FJFKDL im just soooo in awe that i get to experience this #and i wanted to share this bit of joy djfkdld #dandy.cmd

[homoerotvic]

the half of it and the beauty of quiet movies and the quietness of falling in love and the deep meaningful quiet connections that can happen between people regardless of gender and sexuality

#p #how deep and important and beutiful the connection and love can be between two people platonically #like connections between lesbians and straight men. it would usually sound stupid but speaking on my own experiences #its brotherhood but i am not really a man and not really a woman either and i feel like my connections with straight men are so unique #in the sense that there are no expectations there. like there are no expectations of sex. and when it comes to gender there are #no standards of masculinity/femininity to (even subcounsciously) compare or be compared to #there just are some guys in my life who i love so much and who i want to grow old next to and its such a blessing to be able to love them #in such a stress-free unconventional deep quiet unique way :-) #ofc i love queer friendships theyre so important in the sense of feeling understood and seen by someone without any question #without any words because of shared experiences #what im saying is that friendships with heterosexual men offer a very unique point of view of virtually no guaranteed shared experiences #and that is very powerful when getting to know someone #anyway paul and ellie <3

[garfield-milk]

if i see one more straight woman writing only mlm romances im going to set myself on fire

#girl shut the fuck up you don't know shit #i don't know why is this considered a controversial take #look im not saying that every gay romance book written by straight woman is bad #not at all ive read a lot of them and yrah they are good #but i want queer books that connect with querr people and their experiences #at least withe mine #i guess that's the problem to me #idk im just annoyed because id love to have more queer media to chose from #queer books either feel not deep enough of too political #i just want queer people falling in love and being queer #i guess that why i prefer film (EVEN THOUGH THERE'S NOT THAT MUCH QURER CINEMA EITHER) #look im bisexual and i should enjoy hey romance but i just don't #that's not me #uhhskskd #im just being annoying im sorry but i hate it #i have to look around for days to find good queer media #and then theres 4000000 shitty straight Christmas fils that are the same #I WANT MY 300000 GAY SHITTY ROMCOM MOVIES..... #uuujjjfjkkkkk #sorry again #vent post #kinda #in the tags #jesus i hate straight people #ok andres shut the fuck up in the tags challenge go #also idc that much about woman writing mlm romances it's just that ... #they sre usually so... dull #and sometimes kinda fetishizing #ughh

[casimirt]

All Grown Up.

I am tired

Tired of the thinking

Tired of the 'personal growth'

Tired of trying to be better than my parents

Tired from learning from their mistakes

Tired of the weight of their own trauma

Self imposed expectations to outgrow their clutches

I am tired

.

#im doing fine #just deep in my feelings today #cathartic #my poems #poems #poets on tumblr #poems and poetry #queer poetry #queer #queer artist #my writing #lgbtq community #lgbtqia #free form #original work #feelings #growth #trauma #childhood #adulthood #learning #self care

[frumdyke]

wish i was better at steering conversation hhhhh

#old family friends visited and theres a girl my age and i politely tolerate her but i would rather avoid her altogether yknow #when she finally realised she was talking to another queer jew she got so excited and tried to have these deep talks n that #and like yeah i understand but i really dont wanna be that person for her. idk if thats selfish or a respectable boundary. but i cant do it #not sure if im meant to feel guilty about it or not !!! i wish i still had a therapist !!

[snekdood]

Quite honestly, i think people just dont like to acknowledge how many times i have been victimized bc it doesnt work for their narrative of the Scary Bad Trans Guy With No Regard For Others And Likes To Kick Puppies And Doesnt Know Real Pain Or Trauma

#bc otherwise yall would have to feel bad about putting me through way more additional unnecessary trauma on here #and i swear its yall who believe everything my abuser says about me. you need to tell yourself its true that i did the shit they accuse me #of and theyre just this pure uwu innocent pewson who doews no wongg umu #yall dont wanna except ive been through hell bc then you gotta accept youve put me through additional unnecessary hell that only warped my #perception worse of a community i thought i was fuckin part of and accepted in but apparently tf not #like you only have yourselves to blame for that shit. for why i hate online queer spaces now. #man it would just suck so so hard for your narrative if i was actually abused as much as i say and my abusive x was actually lying about me #bc otherwise how will you pretend trans men never ever experience any issues ever? #like i dont need to look. ik im one of the main blogs yall like to target and put on blast for transandrophobia stuff bc im super fuckin #outspoken about my shit (nevermind that yall never directly confront me). i already know thats how it is bc theres ppl on here who have a #apparently deep interest in constantly hating me and trying to find reasons im wrong. so when i say something is bad they habe to act like #its good actually somehow. and ik it all roots back to my abuser. there is literally no other reason i can think of that would mame ppl #that invested in hating me unless they believe everything my ex says. so undoubtedly theres ppl in my exs spaces who believe #transandrophobia is fake men arent oppressed ever etc etc. i digress. but ik its yall who've propped this whole shit up #ik its yall who put me on blast for this first and triwled to spread it that i was one of the Big Bad Names in the transandrophobia spaces #so ik yall use me as an example. ik you tell people i lie about everything. ik you tell people i exaggerate. ik you tell people im crazy #ik you tell ppl they cant trust me or rely on me and spread all the bs my ex says about me and even spreads their abuse toward me further #by even doing that shit. yall NEED to keep believing that im the Big Bad Trans Guy that you think i am bc otherwise your whole worldview #falls tf apart. everything you've been standing on online about how trans mascs who believe in transandrophobia are bad would fall apart. #if i am really as fuckin abused and victimized as i say. suddenly you dont get to use me as the example for Bad Transandrophobia Believer #and I KNOW thats the only reason yall choose not to listen or believe us. its LITERALLY just because you're choosing a side in a personal #relationship situation. ik it has nothing to do with politics for plenty of you. you're taking a side and shitting out reasons for why you #did after the fact. #if you really care about politics n shit you should listen to ALL THE OTHER TRANS MEN TALKING ABOUT THIS #besides using one person as your example for why you shouldnt believe people who believe this is a thing. #i mean. even aside the fucking fact that its all bs. if yall dont wanna believe me. whatever. you can get traumatized by them if you want #idefc at this point. if you actually care about politics as much as you say you gotta engage w people in good faith and uh maybe try n #listen to the SWATHES of other trans guys who also talk about this shit and thinks its real.

[the-gayest-sky-kid]

my brother keeps being a bitch on purpose and it's really not helping

#my therapist says hes probably doing to feel better about himself and it's like. fuckin hell dude #because like. look im not saying i dont poke fun at him either right #but i like go think i dont go below the belt in terms of shit??? #like i love him im not going to call him genuinely stupid or ugly or anything. #hes good at math and pretty capable. even if he incinerated mac n cheese once and we had to get a new microwave #but he keeps going up to me like (aether) whats a×b? oh how do you not know that instantly? are you stupid? #its because (extremely personal issue) LOL (deep cutting personal issue again) #and its like look ive never been good at mental math stop being a fucking jerk over me not knowing fuckin 9×7 off the top of my head #and i keep telling him to drop it and shut up but its just spurs him on more because its funny to him #and he keeps bringing up other shit like being queer or being trans specifically because he knows its upsetting and its just fucking funny #he loves to say people with weird pronouns and think there's more than two genders should kill themselves because he knows it makes me angr #with him. and he knows im fucking queer. he knows our grandmothers queer. and he still pulls this shit #and i cant say anything because when i do i get a whole lecture about how hes my flesh and blood and i should treat him like such #and im the asshole for suggesting he act like it for once #i love my brother and im proud of his achievements but i cant keep fucking doing this #and i know its my fault because hes a stupid kid and going through typical middle school boy bullshit #and seriously getting hurt by whatever a middle schooler says is downright pathetic #but it fucking hurts to hear someone you held as a baby and defended say people like you should kill themselves #and it hurts to have them fucking push a topic that upsets you for their own amusement #swearing cw #aethers rants #cw vent #personal posts and stuff idk

[todayisafridaynight]

shoutout rgg fans for helping me realize what specific label of asexual I fall under. an artist used the word aegosexual for themselves and I googled it and it boils down to enjoying consuming horny content but also having absolutely no desire to participate yourself. you're fine smashing two characters together like barbie dolls and even thinking it's hot but you Do Not want to be one of the dolls in the scenario. I really read that and went "ah. that's what's going on" fjfjdks

oh yeah thats a p accurate way to put it in our case tbh

#snap chats #i dont like using labels tho- call me weird. maybe i dont like the vague rigidity of labels #maybe its just my deep rooted issues and refusal to acknowledge anythin queer about myself Whos To Say yk #BUT if you like to use the term for yourself then more power to you bestie im glad you found it out ! #i know labels can be really big for people and help them feel closer to who they are and help build them as a person #so i'm glad you were able to do that through the rgg community :) #even if rgg itself has very muddy water with queerness in the past it really is neat the community itself is p nice bout it #for the most part depends on where you go of course

[kordbot]

thinkin abt benny tonight

#tags rant approaching lets goooooooooooo #ive been thinking abt his route a lot and his overall place in the story #and i think it would be. REALLY interesting if he got revealed as gay in the sequel #he's already the one who's able to reject toxic masculinity the most !! he's the only one who wants to actually befriend five !!!! #and im not saying that it would be impossible if he was attracted to her but what im saying IS #how Pointless this whole journey in the hopeful must have been to him then !!! #it would also mean that he had to be deep in the closet around his friends due to how affected by toxic masculinity they were which is! sad #im saying this all as an aroace benny believer btw. but a character like him being canonically aroace seems ! kinda unrealistic #but gay benny is real. it's possible. he already gets homophobic comments thrown at him #and im not saying i want him to get called a faggot. hes already a faggot in my heart #like i literally dont care about him liking men i just care about him not liking women #i want this 'searching for The Girl' adventure to feel completely pointless to him at a personal level #but knowing that he can't abandon his friends like that. and pretending that he actually cares about finding her #and for it to become something bigger in the sequel. something beyond personal. like this is not about him anymore #does any of this even make sense #EDIT because i forgot more thoughts i have #first of all sth more personal and less analytic which is: even if he was aroace i dont think he'd have the words for it anyway #and who cares if hes gay or aroace or both hes still queer and not into women #and second thought. it would mean that he didnt have feelings for the red haired girl #which makes. his whole pre flash backstory a lot more interesting #bc she couldn't have been ''leading him on'' #but the whole situation got misinterpreted from the outside. basically #idk man. i like benny i just think he's neat

[crownquill]

Ohhhhhhhhh x2

#me when i me when ennndnnnnnnnnbbbnnnnnnn. ñnnnnbbbbhhhbhghhhhhhhhhhhhhhĥhhhhhgĥĝĝĝghhggygggggggghh #me when im. a #ohhhhhhhhhhggggv #me when i visit gsa and actually start feeling the need to vomit me when i cant relate to anyone me when i feel an emotion of home sickness #so deep that i cant even speak the whole discussion #me when im surrounded by queer people but i dont love any of them me when i physically almost hit someone when they touch me me when #me when i dislocate me when im literally lodged under the chorus teachers desk bc it was the only room open #me when I JUST WANT TO THROW UP AND EXPEL EVERYTHING OUT OF ME AND ERASE MY PAST ME WHEN I WISH I HAD NEVER LOVED AND I WISH I NO ONE HAD #EVER LOVED ME #ME WHEN I JUST WANT TO GUT MYSELF LIKE A FUCKING FISH AND THIS TO #TOO SHALL PASS BUT I DONT WANT IT TO BECAUSE I DESERVE EVERY BIT OF SUFFERING ME WHEN I JUST WSBY #DO YOU UNDERSTAND *VIOLENTLY SHAKING YOU* OF COURSE YOU DONT.

[lepakonpaska]

[happy rambling in the tags because i love my job so much ✨️🌻]

#im feeling happier than i have in years!! #i love tattoo culture a lot and this specific studio is PERFECT for me #there's three other people working there which is honestly a perfect amount. i don't get overwhelmed but i can still be social #and like. one of them is a cool as shit woman who also hosts queer kink events and is as neck deep in fandom culture as i am #one is a guy running on three redbulls/hour and has a need to draw dicks EVERYWHERE. he also has a rainbow skull called princess skulldaddy #and my mentor is the kindest person ever even tho she pretends to be a grouchy old woman #she is already super protective over me and when i was complaining that i can't glare at people effectively enough she was like #'awww but it's good that you're so sweet! never let people take that quality from you' and i was like cool thanks im gonna cry #also I've annoyed her into listening to my favorite bands! yesterday st aurora started playing in the studio so i naturally went '👀!!!' #and she was like 'that's right you fucking bastard you've convinced me to join your cult' 😌 #also the clients are really cool too!! #also also the studio is a sponsor for helsinki pride and we're gonna have a queer book club and wine & create evening etc and AHHHHHH #and it's right by the sea at the PRETTIEST place with a lot of trees and boats and swans and god i got so lucky like? am i dreaming?? #i get to make art be gay as hell learn tattooing and chat with really cool and nice people all day genuinely what could be better #personal